Tumgik
#which is always how my suicidality has been
strawberrymori · 3 days
Text
Cloudy days clear nights
summary: When you grow up in a home where your parents are emotionally absent it affects your life, when your mother wasn't prepared to be a mother and throws all the traumas and insecurities she had at you it's not easy, a father who doesn't know how to apologize and lives drunk and has aggressive tendencies isn't easy to deal with, and reader relapses on a bad day that leaves you stuck in thought and she doesn't tell Natash, leaving her worried.
warnings: angst with happy ending , angst to fluff, use of Y/N sometimes, suicidal thoughts, mention of self-harm and scars from self-harm, Be careful if this triggers you, don't read if you know you can't deal with triggers, you are not alone and don't be ashamed to ask for help.
Tumblr media
All the ghosts of the past follow me to this day, they all live in my mind and make me tremble like a child, today in particular was a difficult day, one of those reminiscent of school days.
The day had started well but the mission had gone wrong which had resulted in intrusive thoughts questioning whether she was really worthy of being there with the Avengers, then there was the meeting with Tony where he made a point of reminding her of the mistakes she had made.
At lunchtime there was the problem with the rain and the first phone call from her mother, the more the phone rang the more her appetite went away, there was no putting off the call for long.
The unpleasant voice came from the other end of the phone, things like "why are you still working there?" "you've been in newspapers all over the world, do you know how hard it is to have a daughter who doesn't do anything useful?" "did you really try to do something? of course not, you've always been worthless".
the voice yelled and screamed for a few minutes before hanging up, before Y/N could say anything or defend herself her mother's voice didn't stop and when it did it was because she hung up the phone.
To make matters worse, for the rest of the day her girlfriend, Natasha, was stuck at work until later, when Y/N was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, she spiraled into a spiral of negative thinking.
she saw herself in high school again, being bullied by her classmates, she saw herself at that time taking out all the anger she felt on herself, she saw herself as the useless girl she had felt all day.
Y/N didn't know when she started crying but she felt the tears dripping from her eyes. She went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror, her hair messy with tears and her eyes red.
-How could Natasha like someone like me? - she asked herself, she had scars all over her thigh and wrist, she wasn't even that pretty.
-"Maybe I should just disappear... she wouldn't even notice," she muttered to her reflection in the mirror and sat down on the bathroom floor.
When the redhead returned home in the early hours of the morning, she felt a strange air hanging over the apartment. She walked into the kitchen, where the lights were off and a cold plate was on the sink.-Baby? - Natasha called out as she walked to her room. The light in the bathroom at the end of the corridor was on, which made her follow her there.
-"Honey, are you all right? It's me," Natasha said, trying to open the door and failing. "Honey, open the door," she said in a tone where she was almost begging her girlfriend to open the door.
The lack of response worried Natasha, who began to try to force her way into the bathroom. When the door opened, Natasha almost fell into the bathroom. She saw her girlfriend lying in the bathtub crying.
-Bear?- she said, running over to her girlfriend in the bath and kneeling down outside the bath - Look at me, darling, are you all right? What happened? - she says worriedly, putting her hand on Y/N's cheek.
The woman in the bathtub looks at the redhead and tears fall more than before -You shouldn't see me like this - she says as she looks away from her girlfriend.
-"Sweetheart," the redhead says as she steps into the empty bathtub and pulls her girlfriend onto her lap, "talk to me," she says as she strokes her girlfriend's hair. It took a while for Y/N to finally talk, she looked at Natasha and felt like crying even more.
-Today was so stressful...I made a mistake during the mission and Tony wouldn't let me forget it, so my mom called me...and - Y/N stuttered through her tears - I feel so useless, like I don't deserve this life - Y/N's comment made Natasha's heart sink, the redhead continued stroking the woman's hair in her lap and kissed her forehead.
-"Sweetheart, mistakes happen, life isn't easy but we can't let mistakes consume us, you fought to be here and you deserve all of this, I love you so much," she said, wiping away her girlfriend's tears, "come on, let's go to bed, so I can hug you properly," Natasha said, getting up and helping her girlfriend up too, she held her girlfriend close as they walked to the bed.
-Thank you Tasha - Y/N says as she looks at her girlfriend changing to lie down next to her.
-Thanks for what? - the redhead says, looking at the girl sitting on the bed.
-"For taking care of me...not letting me give up." The girl on the bed says looking at her scarred left arm, Natasha walks over to her and sits down next to her, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers.
-Thank you for what? - the redhead said looking at the girl sitting on the bed.
-For taking care of me...don't let me give up - The girl on the bed said looking at her scarred left arm, Natasha walked over to her and sat down next to her, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers.
-"Honey, you're my girlfriend and I love you more than anything, I'm not going to let you just fall apart, how many times have you helped me, huh? we're a couple, in good times and bad," Natasha says as she pulls the girl close and kisses the scars on her arm. "Those scars just show how strong you are, baby," Natasha says, looking into the eyes of Y/N, who was almost falling asleep in her arms.
-I love you Natasha.
-I love you too Y/N.
81 notes · View notes
ca-8 · 19 hours
Text
How the Bigger Bodies Smiling Critters Died (head canons)
Alright so I R E A L L Y wanna talk about how I think the Smiling Critters perished in Poppy Playtime
Cw: mentions of (sorta) cannibalism, torture, accidental suicide, self-harm, addiction in terms of The Red Smoke
this is gonna be r e a l l y long, so strap in y'all
. ☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️ .
Bubba Bubbaphant
"I'm Bubba Bubbaphant! ...Hey! I remember you!" "An elephant always remembers!" "Want to know what I remember about you...?" This character is pretty much the nerd emoji of the Smiling Critters. He's really smart, and, as he stated in his cardboard cut-out dialogue, has a really good memory. Although I can't really see that being put into play of his actual death, I can see that this last bit of information he stated (before just spiraling out of control) can be connected to our character. (Our character is an ex-worker and is always greeted with distain by the major antagonists, which leads me to believe that we have actively, or at least indirectly, participated in the child/worker experimentation/conversion based on what Bubba says. Although in his last bit of "dialogue", he's screaming quite loudly as if he was in major agony, but also laughing, as if he was ingesting something that caused great harm to his mentality and body, but since he's had it so many times before to the point where he actively begs to have more, it's agonizing, but also "heavenly." Therefore I think his cause of death would be due to him trying to escape during The Hour of Joy, but was eventually caught by CatNap and his use of The Red Smoke. In the Smiling Critters cartoon, all the critters are struggling to go to sleep because of how scared they were of the storm outside. However, once CatNap enters, they all practically light up with such disturbing happiness. Bubba is the first one to beg him to "help them go to sleep". Fast forward to The Hour of Joy, CatNap must've used his addiction against him to keep him sorta in place so he could kill him.
KickenChicken
"Hey! I'm KickenChicken! Wanna go outside and hang out?" "It's lookin' pretty rad outside!" "I've...never been outside before..." "Will you come with me? I'm scared..." "Here, follow me. I-I'll step out first..." Here, I used to think that he had barricaded himself along with some of the other critters somewhere safe inside the Playcare during The Hour of Joy, and he decided to step outside once all the humans were finally killed. Once he did, CatNap found him and killed him for his disobedience towards his god. But a recent theory sorta convinced me otherwise. I still believe in my own theory, but I also support the fact that KickenChicken could've also been one of the first toys to reach an exit to the outside world. But, once he and the other critter tried to step outside, he got killed by the Prototype.
Picky Piggy
"Hi there! I'm Picky Piggy! Let's eat!" "Roast beef? Delicious!" "Grilled chicken? Down the hatch!" "Seared elephant? Yum!" "Flayed unicorn? Mmm!" "Still hungry... Hey, what do you say you and I be friends?" (This one actually scares the hell out of me, i love it) And it's pretty obvious too, for the most part. I believe that Picky was separated by the other critters during The Hour of Joy, and ended up with nothing to eat for a long time. She ended up wandering aimlessly throughout the factory and eventually came across the corpses of her dead friends. Saddened, but desperate for food, she ate her friends' corpses as soon as she came along them, but all that effort soon went to waste as she eventually died of starvation, a constant theme throughout Poppy Playtime.
Hoppy Hopscotch
"I'm Hoppy Hopscotch! Wanna try hopping to the moon with me?" "On three with me! One... two... three! ...Heh, didn't get very far, did we?" "Again! One, two, three! Nope... still didn't make it." "Listen! This won't stop until we make it to the moon!" "One, two- No, no! Don't look at your feet! None of that matters! Again! Again!" "JUMP! JUUUU-" Yeah this one just makes me really sad, seeing how I think her death most likely would be accidental suicide. In an attempt to escape CatNap or The Prototype or another toy that was hunting them down for food, or maybe just trying to reach somewhere that lead to an exit, she encouraged her friend(s) to jump towards freedom, but due to her impulsive/impatient tendencies, she didn't think it through and ended up falling to her death.
Bobby Bearhug
"Hi! I'm Bobby Bearhug! Wanna know how much I love you?" "I love you to the moooon and back!" "I'm crazy about you." "I'm lost without you." "I've been lost a long time..." "Please, take me with you this time...!" "You won't leave me, will you??" Bobby loves everyone and everything, unconditionally. So, when The Hour of Joy occurred, she naturally felt terrified and wanted to stick close by with her friends as they tried to find a way out of the factory after that day. This might also be in relation to DogDay and Picky as well. DogDay probably shooed them away in attempt to save them from CatNap, and while the massacre occurred, Picky got lost during all the chaos. Them being her friends, she was greatly distraught by this, but soon forced herself to go along with who was left. That was when she probably witness some of their deaths: Bobby being lured by the Red Smoke and eventually killed, Kicken getting killed by either CatNap or The Protoype, Hoppy falling to her death, being scared away by CraftyCorn (I'll get to her later).
"Take me with you this time!" I believe this line was spawned from DogDay's actions. Since he was the leader of their group, she, along with the other critters, looked up to him. Perhaps Bobby believed if he has taken all of them with him, she wouldn't have ended up all alone. She eventually ended up all alone, turned to madness by loneliness as she always thought about the events that made her friends leave her. After a long time of wandering and losing hope, bit by bit as each day passed, she died of starvation.
CraftyCorn
"H-Hi, I'm CraftyCorn. Will you help me with my painting? Pass me the blue, please!" "Thanks! Now, will you give me some red?" "More red, please!" "Out...? But, w-we can't be out." "You're hiding more red from me... I know you are..." "GIVE IT HERE!" "There, now that's much better!" Despite CraftyCorn's established gentle and caring personality, both would be thrown away for the sake of keeping her creative juices flowing. She always loves everything artistic, so she also most likely uses it as a coping mechanism (and that's also seen in the Smiling Critter's cartoon, where CraftyCorn is drawing on multiple pages while still being scared of the storm outside). I believe she also witnessed some of her friends' deaths along with Bobby Bearhug, and, as her way of coping, she just tries drawing and drawing and painting and painting her worries away. But while her urges to cope may last, drawing materials do not for long, and she eventually runs out. This causes her to turn to panic, as she thinks she'll have to finally face reality that her friends are gone, but she's not ready, so she desperately tires to find more art materials, mostly the color red (because that's the most of what she's been seeing since The Hour of Joy). So, in a blind, maddened dismay, she attacks her friends and uses their blood for painting, piling on unimaginable guilt for hurting her friends, the very thing she was trying not to make herself realize.
Now as for her death. Her remaining friend(s) probably ended up leaving her for the sake of their own safety. She doesn't realize this, because again, she's so deep in her own distractions that she's lost touch with reality, until she finally runs out of red again. She desperately tries to find more, but can't extract any from an outside source. So she uses her own blood as paint. She extracts her blood, runs out, extracts again, runs out again, extracts again, runs out again, over and over until she finally harms herself to the point of dying from blood loss.
DogDay
"DogDay says... fetch!" "Go, go! As far as you can!" "Why are you...just standing there?" "You can't be here. You can't stay..." As I said earlier, DogDay must have helped his friends escape from CatNap's hunting ground and the main killing areas during The Hour of Joy. He realizes that CatNap holds a burning rage for him and his friends for not going along with The Prototypes control, and drives them out somewhere where he thinks they'll be safe. But he then told them that he couldn't go with them, because as the leader of the Smiling Critters, and holding a deep love for his friends, he felt the need to sacrifice himself so they can be safe.
Once they were away, he goes and finds CatNap. Since I believe that DogDay was once a worker for Playtime Co., I don't think he remembers his past. Therefore, he truly believes that he is DogDay, and that the Smiling Critters, including CatNap, have been friends for a lifetime. He believes that his friend is still in there, not seeing the fact that CatNap remembers exactly who he is and how he became this way, including why he worships The Prototype. DogDay tries to convince CatNap to remember all the good times they had (even though, with the Big Bodies version of the cast, CatNap was particularly distant from the rest of the Smiling Critters, since I assume they're also workers). Of course, this doesn't work, and CatNap attempts to kill him.
However, I believe that DogDay had escaped and went to look for his friends once he was at a safe distance. But this is FAR after the events of his friends' deaths, so one by one he comes across his friends' corpses, personally seeing the horrors of after The Hour of Joy "I'm...the last of the Smiling Critters...." (what he says before his own death)
After years of losing so much hope, seeing that none of his friends survived the horrors of the factory, DogDay doesn't see the point in trying to escape. If his friends didn't make it, what was the point? And, during his most vulnerable, this is how CatNap eventually ends up finding him. He gained some sick pleasure into see this heretic suffer, but he felt that he needed more misery, by kidnapping him and torturing him by cutting off his legs and feeding them to the mini critters, and stringing him up in the prison where he's slowly eaten by The Prototype's worshippers.
Still, he holds onto what sanity he has left from his interactions with Poppy (who I believe he ran into while he was wandering the Factory), and believed that an angel will bring them salvation.
. ☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️☀️⭐️🍎💡⚡️🌸❤️ .
That's about it! Hope you guys enjoyed!!
~ 💜🌙 ~
24 notes · View notes
waveofahand · 22 hours
Text
"Mums, Yer Boys" reaches 10,000 reads!
Tumblr media
10,000 reads for "Mums, Yer Boys are Cryin'" which is a terrible title but a sweet story from 'way back when I first started writing fanfics -- this one was meant to be a one-shot, like everything else I'd written up til then, but somehow the story of the teenaged Paul searching for John after Julia's death turned into a second chapter where he takes control (and care) of both John and a dour, miserable Mimi and that turned into a chapter about how empty and lonely their lives feel and then suddenly it seemed like I had absolutely no control over the story of these two young characters: There is 17 year old John Lennon -- wild in grief, angry, lashing out and desperate to find a place where he belongs, desperate to figure out HOW to find a life he can stand to live, in a world where he can never fit in to. With Julia's death he is pretty much convinced he has nothing, is nothing in this miserable post-war Liverpool world. He is mean; he is funny; he is profane; he is needy. John can't see or identify his targets but he sprays his anger like a machine gun, not caring where it hits.
There's is 16 year-old Paul McCartney, precisely the opposite -- self-contained, private, all tucked in on himself and watchful. He is constantly on the lookout to see how he can control what is going on around him. He carries his own anger -- both at Liverpool and the world around him -- but it's entirely focused, better-directed, and dangerously quiet. He is kind; he is watchful; he is bossy; he is anxious; he is forgiving. If John is a machine gun, Paul is a suicide bomber who keeps resetting his timer. Together, both of them find a safe place to put their heartache, and the first stirrings of a longing that neither of them fully understand yet, but are tentatively ready to explore.
There is Mimi Smith, cold, snobby, snippy, unable to show herself (or the depths of her love) to her troubled nephew, and repeatedly thrown off her guard by the sheep-eyed, common boy who never lets her off the hook.
There is Julia, present only in death -- at her laying out, where John falls apart; at her funeral, which Paul attends while all in his head. There is Jim McCartney, stern, too quick with his hands, but capable of compassion, and even to admit his own failings, in time. There is George Harrison. A bit grubby. Always hungry, easily called out but a sure friend.
There is even Auntie Jin and her bowlful of "Irish witchery..." I've always been very grateful that people like this story, which probably could use some editing but I've never touched it. It just kind of tumbled from my keyboard and has always felt "true" to me in a way I can't explain, so I've just let it be. THANK YOU for reading it, and for some really wonderful, encouraging comments. You can read the whole story at A03.
And truly, thank you for reading this story and keeping it alive. Some it helped to build "Carry that Weight." This talented artist created this image several years ago. Not for the story but ... it really is perfectly suited to the final chapter.
Tumblr media
18 notes · View notes
voiceshearingyouloud · 8 months
Text
I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭
#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner#even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol#I’m glad I feel better though#finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling#people and watching my favourite things#and none of it made even the slightest difference#(and I was drafting my suicide note)#I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon#which is always how my suicidality has been#I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in#which is hard to explain to ER nurses!#anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I#don’t want to die as much anymore!#I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired#but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital#cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬#I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go#anne speaks#now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry#my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital.#like girl?? what???#suicidality tw#tw suicidality#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol#but anyway I’m totally safe now#wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this#:-)
7 notes · View notes
Text
.
#tw suicide#no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours#personal#its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me#because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in#hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters#and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why#editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there#so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least
29 notes · View notes
hecksupremechips · 2 months
Text
The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules
#the klock keeps ticking#i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter#cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts#and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it#plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice#i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of#commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out#but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just#wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts#aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally#i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is#and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route#cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet#its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately#and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing#and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god#like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better#she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years#like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex#and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn#and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset#rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions#and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand#that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good#character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let#her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make#everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED#ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING
4 notes · View notes
mid-nightowl · 3 months
Text
So, the Batman in Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League may or may not have killed Robin
Tumblr media
#suicide squad: kill the justice league spoilers#which got me wondering if there's every been a fic where Bruce in a fit of possession or brainwashing did kill one of his kids??#and actually handled it well (aka it didn't go straight to bruce bashing)?? i need to read if so cause this topic is juicy#i think it's heavily implied to be tim drake robin so uh yeah#there was also mention of Oracle Nightwing and Jason#(not red hood; bruce just states jason) but I don't think they appear nor is it implied if they got murked either#and if this is post-arkhamverse.....major yikes#another L for arkhamverse Tim#bald and dead smh#poor guy#i probably won't get the game until it's on sale (i don't care for the storyline that much) BUT the fic ideas?????#like after the fact what would bruce do?? would he just keep going bc he doesn't know how to handle it other than being batman???#would he actually quit??#(and this is if he doesn't kill himself or let someone else kill him at the end of this)#also the reactions from the other bats? how would they react to who bruce killed? and then who exactly do you pick to be killed?#because who matters i think#my gut always wants to lean towards jason-and-bruce-angst but i think bruce accidentally killing dami or tim would be....#well it would be catastrophic i think#killing jason (post-red hood or as robin) would also be awful but a RH!jason falls in line with abuse he's already getting in canon#bruce killing barbara or dick also has a lot of angsty fallout potential#hmmmmm i will be contemplating this i think for a good while#i have ideas
4 notes · View notes
americanrecord · 2 months
Text
hey Kelsey!! I’m just catching up on the Californian motel series that u sent over and I’m currently reading the chapter “feel the void”
wow. what a heavy chapter,, i read the words ‘call izzy’ and SOBBED this is the last thing i was expecting but as always your writing is so beautiful and so respectful - hope your okay and cannot wait for when you release your book!
2 notes · View notes
melto · 3 months
Text
something just like snapped in the back of my head like i Need to go like curl up in my room for like 5 days and play video games and not speak to like anyone
#^ guy who is not out of a depressive ep like he thought he sorta was#dont even like particularly feel the old urge of the anxiety/need to hurt my relationships like i used to..i just feel like shit.#short list of people i think i could handle like really speaking to rn but ultimately. i just want to be somewhere safe and easy#even if that feeling is like making me feel sorta suicidal still.#just dont have it in me to like figure out how to act normal right now. something i have to do around most people and nearly everyone#i intreact with irl right now#not healthy. Ofc naturally i know this. and i can push through it. im just not excited about it.#the exhaustion to like contain myself is greater than my lonliness even though that is rather large#and i would like to get this out of my system before like. the semester starts next week. which i know i cant like control but whatever#this is all sooooo stupid. i need to be alone but i need compaionship of someone i trust.#it feels like there is glue in my mouth and i can barely speak to people im not close with bc of how exhausted and anxious i am#man. thearpy is like. going to really . idk. probably not help my mood. bc it has been hard for me to word what has been happening to me#and im always so scared of saying something that will get me hosptizaled again. Even when it shouldnt. bc im not going to do anything.#but i am scared and tired simply. and while so much has gotten better and ive gotten so much better there are some things that i just.#cant seem to figure out how to fix or ask for help. whatever. Guy who is stupid and helpless and will have to just get over it at some poin#sry i just feel like shit. i should probably just eat something i havent been eating much. and then i will probably feel a bit better#news with isaac
5 notes · View notes
scarletcomet · 4 months
Text
I feel so depressed for no reason. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've tried everything.
#i think talking with my psychiatrist put me in a worse mood#i was like on the verge of tears while talking to her#she said that she would have hoped that the new med im on would have started to make a difference by now#she also said that i always present myself the same way when i come into her office. apparently im distant and withdrawn#i try so hard to open up but im just so bad at putting how i feel into words#she said i never report feeling any better. which isnt even true but i also just havent been feeling much improvement lately#i feel like i do acknowledge the improvement i've made#like she has seen me at my lowest. she literally sent me to the hospital in june. then she was my doctor while i was in the hospital too#idk#i think im just like getting burnt out from all this therapy. ive been in higher levels of care (inpatient/residential/php/iop) since may#i just don't want to do anything. even things i have enjoyed in the past or have always wanted to do#im going to spain with my family on tuesday but i so just dont want to go even though ive wanted to go to spain for a long time#this kind of reminds me of when i wasnt looking forward to the taylor swift concert or my 21st bday#and that was because i was so suicidal. i worry that's how im going to feel again#i felt like i couldnt keep getting through each day which i feel now too#but i guess my suicidal thoughts are less constant and intense now even though they are still chronic#i remember that i literally could not focus on anything because my mind would just wander to thoughts about hurting myself#i remember the constant thoughts and urges...
2 notes · View notes
fatuifucker · 1 year
Text
I wanna finish my requests quickly because I know when I write a request I will never be happy with it lol with a request, the premise is so basic and simple that the most you can do is write drabbles or headcanons. Although it gains the most attention and most people prefer that to let's say 1k+ fics on Tumblr, I don't like those because it isn't a testament to my writing skill.
I personally don't like it when people praise my writing ability when talking about those drabbles or hcs because literally anyone can write those things, I just happen to be the one you found or who came up with that idea. Even if I died, you don't need me to write those things because literally anyone else and even you, yourself, can write those.
8 notes · View notes
simplysummers · 2 years
Text
.
#tw sui attempt#this is about to get real ranty and I’ll probably end up deleting this later but I’m really upset#so yesterday my stepdad and i got into an argument because he yelled at me on the stairs because he playfully went to push by me and I#replied completely neutrally with ‘I’m sorry I’m not really in the mood can I get by?’#he proceeded to shove me and scream about how moody I always am and how I’m the one bringing animosity into the household. he has a habit#this. i got very upset to a point where my older brother had to calm me down outside. he ended up going out and I calmed down#my stepdad has an awful habit of being very rude to people including me both my brothers and even my mom#and I’ve finally snapped. I’m not putting up with it anymore#he is one of the key reasons for my extreme self criticism and I’m not dealing with it now#I’m almost 19 years old. i will not be spoken to like this.#and so today he’s come into my room demanding an apology from me. and I very calmly explained that while I wasn’t going to ruin my moms#birthday (which is on Friday) that we would not be on speaking terms before and after the event until he can admit how he’s treating me is#out of order. he constantly deflects whenever he does something wrong and he can never swallow his pride and apologise#there was an incident in November where he told me it was my fault my mother had anxiety and if she got worse he would blame it on me#because I was ‘crazy’. that same day I left my house and headed straight for our overpass because I couldn’t handle the guilt#i was talked out of it by my bio dad who I called on the phone. he picked me up and held me close and my eyes are welling with tears just#thinking about it. it was a terrifying experience as a suicide survivor from last February#am I out of order for this? wanting respect from the man who has been in my life since I was 3. who is married to my mom who I love with my#whole heart? i keep claiming to not be perfect. I’m my own worst critic and yet he parades himself as the victim because I’m finally#standing up to him#and Idk where to go from here
6 notes · View notes
daeluin · 2 months
Text
i don't like sp patrick on my dash. i don't enjoy watching that man. he should be on suicide watch
1 note · View note
medicinemane · 7 months
Text
Always hungry, always broke, and always having my mom toss a new catastrophe my way... but never actually being given control of the money despite the fact that I've been able to hold on to my stimulus checks all these years only spending them on emergencies, but she blows her disability and wracks up credit card debt
But see... she'd feel like a child if she had to ask for money for things... it's much better when she has full control so she can do things like spend $300 on microtransactions in a single month
Then my grandma gets mad at me for having to help with money cause I don't have a job, and if I just had a job it would be fine (and no doubt I'm pretty shit for not working despite not having anything wrong with me)
When I get stuff cleaned up my mom just uses it as a new spot to dump trash so... there's no point
I provide nothing to the world, I have no talents or skills, everything I do is wrong, and I'm just kind of a drain on the world despite having nothing stopping me from actually doing shit except my poor character
...kinda hemming and hawing on ordering this cause even $18 is a hell of a lot of money to spend on killing myself unless I'm actually gonna do it. If I get it and then keep putting it off... well then that money would have been real better spent elsewhere
...but on the other hand this can't keep continuing... maybe I can take the money I was trying to save up to buy a new mic so I can actually talk to people and spend it on this instead
#then there's the bathroom which both... I've asked plumbers to help with over and over when they've been doing stuff like#installing the water heater or installing my mom's new toilet... but they just... never do#and then... I've asked my mom a number of times to get someone out but she never does#and now I kinda can't even ask because like... ok; the pipe's got mold in it but I guess I can be like 'that's why I asked you here'#but also one of the cat's had diarrhea and decided to keep going next to the toilet instead of the cat box; which is probably my fault#but now... I can't fucking keep up with it and... I can't ask a plumber out with cat shit on the floor#but I can't fucking deal with it; I keep meaning to on trash day; but I'm always too tired and also only have 2 sponges left to deal with i#and I'm just such filth that I haven't even been able to bother changing my bedsheets in like a year#which honestly isn't even that abnormal; that's how it's always been even when I was little#I don't know... I'm just such a worthless fuck up#and people will sometimes offer money but it's like... money doesn't help; I've got that stimulus check sitting in the bank#these are systemic problems I need to fix#but I can't; it's beyond me; I give up; I need to die#nothing of value will be lost#people think it will; but they're wrong#and maybe I'm also just a selfish asshole like everyone's always saying about suicidal people#I don't know... I just keep getting worse; and then I adjust stuff to make it keep working; but then I get worse#I need to hurry up and die#and I finally have a method with a high enough success rate so... probably should bite the bullet and order it#especially when it has legit uses so there's a cover story#man I'm sick of being hungry; sick of being so fucking worthless and incompetent that I can't make myself food once I'm out of cheese powde#and even if I ask for help... well my mom's not hungry so fuck me#I need to die already; I'm so inadequate and never get a damn thing right#everything I do I fucking fail
1 note · View note
aliceramblez · 3 months
Text
Dating the Hazbin Hotel Residents 😈
Tumblr media
Tags: GN!Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Mature Topics (ie. Suicidal Thoughts, Alcohol Abuse, SA, etc), Spoilers For The Show, etc.
A/N: Ahhh yes, more brainriot for the pile 😌 I was more of a Helluva gal before the show aired, but now I gotta say these blorbos are a dear part of my heart! Hopefully y'all enjoy these as much as I did writing them!
Consider following my main blog @taruchinator for more solid content & feel free to leave a request here for future HCs~
Tumblr media
Charlie 🌈
When the Happy Hotel first opened its doors and all of Hell started making a mockery of it, you were probably the only one who took it as a sign to try and improve from the low life that you were. It's not like you had anything else to live for, anyway.
As soon as you enter the building, you're immediately greeted by the bubbly Princess of Hell herself (along with a reluctant Angel Dust) who is more than happy to show you around and welcomes you with open arms.
You've never been shown this much kindness and sympathy for your situation before, so it naturally takes you aback and makes you wonder what the catch is. Turns out there's none and the Princess is probably the only sweet soul to live in this shithole.
As you grow closer, she asks you to drop the title and just call her Charlie. She also shares a bit about her situation and how her mother wanted to save sinners from the extermination each year, and now Charlie felt like it was her duty to continue this legacy until her dreams came true.
You can't help but feel touched over how much she cares, so you silently vow to yourself to help her in any way you can, just like she's done for you.
It doesn't take long before the two of you grow even closer and feelings begin to blossom, but you decide to ignore them since why would a Princess ever like someone like you?
But Charlie proves you wrong yet again, since one day she comes to you a blushing mess and confesses her own feelings, asking if you'd like to go out with her. You can't help but vocalize your shock since she could do so much better than a random sinner. She deserved better, too.
She looks at you with fondness in her eyes. “You've been by my side for so long and supported me every step of the way. Who wouldn't fall for someone like that?”
And thus, you are the luckiest person in Hell because you scored Charlotte Morningstar, and whoever says otherwise can get a knife to their throat.
She's the perfect definition of a sweet and patient girlfriend, never pushing you to do anything you aren't comfortable with (since you really aren't used to such adoration in a romantic relationship), but as soon as you give her the get-go, she'll be sure to shower you with as much affection as she can until the doubts in your mind disappear completely.
You aren't that far behind either. Albeit not as good as her, you do your best to be a comforting partner whenever she needs you. This is especially necessary after an extermination happens, which always leaves Charlie devastated and in need of a hug or words of encouragement because she doubts herself sometimes and wonders if the hotel is even working at all.
You remind her how it brought the two of you together, to which she smiles and agrees that at least something good has come out of it so far.
Vaggie 🎀
Both you and Vaggie used to work in the same legion under Adam with the rest of his exorcists. You knew of each other's existence, but didn't really talk much aside from whatever was needed in the midst of battle.
The day she spares a demon child's life, you're doing your rounds nearby and witness the whole exchange, including Lute coming over and ripping both an eye and Vaggie's wings for showing mercy. You don't know why, but it makes your blood boil.
“HEY! What are you doing?! It was just a kid, why not let it slide?”
And just like that, you become a target of Lute's rage as well, being ripped from your angelic status along with receiving a few nasty cuts, yet surprisingly not as bad as Vaggie herself.
Once the two of you are left to die, you immediately try to tend the girl's wounds with whatever you can. Vaggie can only stare in disbelief at what you'd done and questions why you even did so in the first place—now you were stuck just like she was.
“Guess I just don't like seeing injustice... Who knew Heaven could be so fuckin' shitty?”
You both laugh at the irony of it all, and that's when luck is finally on your side as Charlie finds you in the dirty alley and brings you back to the hotel to heal properly.
For the next three years you two stay at the Hazbin Hotel, helping Charlie in any way you can to try and make her dream a reality since deep down you hope that despite Heaven's corrupt system, there can be a small chance that souls can be redeemed. You hide the fact that you're ex-Anges though, since you don't wanna cause unnecessary drama.
During this time period, the two of you become better friends, having your own inside jokes regarding things you didn't particularly enjoy from your time as Angels, as well as learning more about one another.
You're the one to come to terms with your feelings first and decide to lay them on the table for Vaggie to see—she's always been a straight-to-the-point kind of gal, so if you're about to be rejected, might as well have it be done quick. But of course, she replies with her own declaration and desire to give a relationship a shot, which you're ecstatic about!
It's a bit hard at first since you never got to see much of romantic relationships in Heaven while training for murder every year, but you try and make it work. Both you and Vaggie work endlessly to try and make the other happy, and it only makes you fall for each other even more.
Also Charlie is your go-to wingwoman who will be there to give you the best advice to try and woo your girlfriend. She ships you two so hard.
Angel Dust 🕸
Working at a porn studio under an Overlord who owns your soul can be exhausting. You know this better than anyone since everyone who works under Valentino has contracts that won't let you get far with a leash. This is especially true with your friend Angel Dust.
You know about the things Valentino does to the spider demon—hell, everyone in the studio probably knows, but know better than to say anything about it. You're always there for Angel after particularly rough shoots, doing your best to comfort him in any way you can, though there isn't much you can do given you're in the same spot.
When he tells you he's moving to Princess Charlie's Hazbin Hotel, you're so happy for him! At least that will give him some distance from Valentino and his disgustingly filthy hands when he's not working.
This unsurprisingly doesn't bode well with the Overlord, causing him to throw fits of rage around the studio when Angel leaves for the day. You can't help but make a snarky comment that you definitely regret moments later.
“Can one blame him for wanting space from such an overbearing asshole?”
Without his favorite stress toy around, you end up paying the price for such comments. The kind of pain and suffering he puts you through is completely different from what you're used to. Is this the stuff he does to Angel? He leaves you naked, bruised and bloody in your room, and all you can do is muster what little strenght you have left to head for the Hazbin Hotel.
As soon as the door opens, you immediately tumble forward and start losing consciousness. The last thing you remember is Angel's horrified expression before it all fades to black.
Once you wake up and have been patched up, you explain what happened at the studio, and you could've sworn you saw fire in Angel's eyes as he holds on to you, fearing you might disappear at any moment. He begs you to stay in the hotel with him, and you agree without hesitation.
And so, your new routine of heading to work and then coming back to the hotel becomes blissful, not having to deal with that lunatic mothman more than necessary. You also get to spend time off with your best friend, which is always a plus.
Well, ‘best friend’ might not be the best way to describe it. You'd developed a crush on the spider demon even before this whole incident occurred, and now that you were spending more time with him, it only continued to grow.
With the line of work you two had, romantic relationships didn't seem to be a thing that crossed anybody's mind since why have a permanent partner when you could just go around fucking the hottest people in Hell? But you knew your feelings were far beyond from sexual, but didn't wanna ruin what you already had going for you.
One heartfelt drunken conversation after work however, makes you do a double take—Angel likes you back. And that both scares and excites you. But with both of you going over the pros and cons with each other, you decide to give it a chance.
You make sure to always have Angel's consent when it comes to physical intimacy—anything from holding his hand, to kissing to just cuddling. He jokes about not being a porcelain doll, but deep down you know he appreciates it.
You're also there for the rough nights, when he comes home wanting nothing more than to die again and let the earth swallow him whole. Words of reassurance are spoken and you can only hold him and let him cry as you vow to do anything in your power to stop this from happening again.
Husker 🍺
As one of the first guests of the hotel, like any wayward sinner, you find yourself in the bar more often than you'd like. Alcohol killed you in the first place, yet not even in the afterlife could you seem to pull yourself from its grasp.
It's a somewhat welcome surprise to find out that the bartender is going through a similar struggle. He still serves you drinks and lends and ear whenever he's not busy, but will occasionally drop the words of wisdom to watch your fill.
Eventually you two find yourselves doing this little back and forth and aid each other when you're in your dark places—Husk won't let you near the bottle if he sees you're about to knock yourself out, meanwhile you're there to look after him when he has one too many drinks and can't take care of himself.
Not to say he isn't a good drinking buddy—you've found out most of the gossip around the hotel thanks to this sneaky little cat demon and there's never a dull moment with him around.
You learn about his deal with Alastor during a particularly bad night, when Husk's had one too many and isn't thinking straight. You don't bring it up, but now have an eye open for whenever the Radio Demon drags your friend away.
Angel's the one who brings up your questionable relationship to the surface.
“So... you two like, fuckin' each other, or what?”
Your entire face goes red, and if it weren't for the dark fur you could swear you see Husk looking the same. He's quick to get rid of Angel's nosy ass, but now the seed has been planted in your brain—do you like Husk that way?
After careful consideration, you come to the conclusion that yes, you do. And it's honestly kinda terrifying considering how relationships don't usually work out in Hell, at least from what you've seen. Besides, even if you did try and confess, there was always the possibility of him not feeling the same and just being embarrassed by Angel's comment.
So in an attempt to make your feelings disappear, you stop frequenting the bar. Who knew the best way to stop drinking habits was trying to avoid spending time with your unrequited crush?
But of course, Husk isn't stupid. He sees the change in your behavior and let's it slide for a while, until he eventually corners you and asks what's wrong. You decide to get it all out of the way and tell him how you feel.
To the embarrassment of both of you, he holds your hand firmly between his and darts his eyes toward the corner of the room. “Next time you should ask before going off assuming things, ya got it?”
And so, your glass may have been empty that day, but your heart had never felt fuller.
Sir Pentious 🐍
You meet Sir Pentious when you sign into the hotel, and your immediate thought is just how can this snake man be so adorkable, it should be illegal.
As you greet the other residents and staff, you're quick to strike a conversation with him, which based on his body language he was not expecting. He starts telling you a bit about his weaponry and other contraptions, and you can't help but be fascinated by it.
You're a bit of a tinkerer yourself, albeit you've only dabbled in small scale projects—nothing compared to the massive canons and aircrafts that Pentious seems to be familiar with.
He acts like a kid opening gifts on Sinmas when he talks to you about his inventions, clearly never having anyone show interest before. Eventually he'll even ask for your input on certain smaller projects he wants to work on to help around the hotel, all to thank Charlie for being so kind to him and giving him a second chance. You're obviously eager to help!
You two start spending so much time together that the egg boys have started calling you ‘Boss #2’, much to Pentious' embarrassment and your amusement.
One afternoon once exercises are done for the day, the snake demon seems much more fidgety than usual as he invites you over to his room to continue working on his security system prototype. He's a blabbering mess once he has you sitting down and your heart just can't help but swell at each little syllable.
“Dearest (y/n)... you've, um, well... you are a huge inspiration for my work! A-And I wouldn't have been able to create any of this... without your help. You are kind, and smart and very talented.... and w-well, um I-”
You gotta silence the man with a kiss otherwise you two would be here all day. He's puddy in your hands and you can only giggle in return. “I really like you too, Pen.”
Everyone is either saying they called it or groaning in annoyance because fucking FINALLY, you two were just dancing around each other like idiots. The egg boys are just so happy to have someone else besides Pentious to be in their lives, and will do their best to look out for you just like with their own boss.
So yeah, prepare yourself for some sickeningly sweet gestures from this guy cause he will go above and beyond to get you what you need/want even if it kills him (again). And you can confidently say that you'd do the same in return.
Alastor 📻
After running in the same circles when you were alive, it's no surprise to you to end up in Hell, although you never would've suspected that you'd find yourself in the same place as him. It was honestly a huge relief not having to go through this all by yourself.
As Alastor exerted his dominance over Hell as the Radio Demon, you were powerful enough to be an Overlord yes, but rather liked keeping it on the down low instead of making a spectacle of yourself (Alastor was the one for theatrics anyway). Because of this, only select few knew of your true power and what you were capable of.
Instead, if there was one thing you were known for, it was being the only soul allowed to be close to the Radio Demon without the risk of death.
Yes, Alastor was a sadistic, cold-blooded and egotistical mastermind, but he wasn't a monster. You knew that better than anyone. Although the reactions he had to other demons treating you like a joke or calling you the ‘Radio Demon's Pet’ were not helping his case.
“ł₣ ɎØɄ V₳ⱠɄɆ ɎØɄⱤ ₴ØɄⱠ, ɎØɄ ₩łⱠⱠ ₩₳Ⱡ₭ ₳₩₳Ɏ Ɽł₲Ⱨ₮ ₦Ø₩ ฿Ɇ₣ØⱤɆ ł Ɽł₱ ł₮ ₳₱₳Ɽ₮ ฿ł₮ ฿Ɏ ฿ł₮...”
“Al, chill. You're gonna make them shit their pants.”
After his seven year absence, you immediately noticed something was wrong with him, and wouldn't stop pestering until he told you the truth—A deal he made and how his soul was now bound to someone much more powerful than he was.
You were obviously mortified and started looking into ways to try and find a loophole to this, but alas the Radio Demon would just give you his signature grin and tell you not to worry about it. It was his battle to face.
But of course you're quick to remind him that you've stuck together through thick and thin even in life, so there was no way you were letting him handle this by himself. You work as a team—always have and always will. You engulf him in a hug.
“We're gonna figure this out, Al. I promise...”
The grin remains, but his eyes widen slightly in surprise. He hesitantly returns the embrace, patting your back and wiping the tears you didn't even know you were shedding.
“There there~ To think such a sweet and innocent soul wound up in a gutter like this. I cannot say I complain as long as I have your delightful company beside me.”
And so when he says he has a plan that involves Princess Charlie Morningstar and her new Happy Hotel, you follow along. Whatever fate has in store for you two, you'll be ready.
Also Charlie is a sweetheart who could do no harm. Knowing Alastor, he'll probably do whatever he can here and there to help around for the cause. You also offer your services as an undercover Overlord, much to everyone's surprise when you reveal your status.
The Radio Demon may have a plan, but something tells you it won't involve bloody murder (unless extremely necessary or if someone really pissed him off).
Like you said—he's not a monster.
Lucifer 🍎
You and Lucifer were good friends at the beginning of Creation. While you were stuck with the tedious task of designing blueprints for the new ‘Human Project’ that headquarters had in store, Lucifer's Seraphim status allowed him to bring creations to life with the flick of a wrist, much to your delight and wonder.
His ideas and pitches for Earth were always so entertaining to listen to, and you would do your best to encourage him to show them to the higher ups to get them approved—His mind was just filled with joy and love and wonder that you'd never seen before.
Which was why it was always so disappointing whenever he'd come back and say that he was shut down and even mocked at. How could Heaven shut down such an imaginative mind in the creation of their biggest project yet?
To say you were devastated when you heard about his fall would be an understatement. You mourned the loss of your friend, knowing that he'd done nothing wrong and thinking it wasn't fair to him to receive such punishment just because he cared for the future of humanity.
Thousands of years later, you overhear the plan for Extermination of Hell kind. You didn't mean to walk by, yet here you were, under the direct eye of the Head Seraphims about to be downcast for something you had no control over—just like Lucifer.
“You're all self-entitled pricks! You think you can do whatever you want just because it doesn't follow what you define as good!”
You get a few good arguments before being cast downwards, leaving you in bad shape in a random alley with no wings and no means of escape. That is of course, until destiny seems to be on your side and Lucifer finds you, completely perplexed to see you here at all.
After getting treated, you tell him about the Extermination so he and Hell can prepare. The conversation of you getting cast down by Heaven gets glossed over, but he can feel the fury building up inside him. You were always doing things by the book—how could they do this to you?
Once the slaughter is over, Lucifer gets a meeting with Heaven and secures protection for both his daughter Charlie and you, to which they begrudgingly agree to keep him outta their hair. You can't help but feel touched by this gesture.
He's also quick to offer you a room to stay in, but you compromise by living in a seperate building from him and Charlie so you aren't a bother even though he says you aren't. In fact, ever since Lilith left, he's had to take care of his young daughter all by himself, so he's more than happy when you offer to help.
It doesn't take long for your feelings to start coming into the surface from all those years ago, and you gotta push them away because he's both married and has a child to look after! Besides, why would the King of Hell ever look in your direction?
Eventually though, he brings up the question with nothing but sweaty palms and a customized rubber ducky that says ‘I love you’ whenever you squeeze it. You blush furiously, but can't help but bring up your concerns, not wanting to replace Lilith in his heart. He looks into your eyes and says that he hasn't been as happy as he is now in the past thousand years.
Cue baby Charlie walking in on everything, and she just smiles and goes innocently. “Daddy! Is (y/n) staying home with us now?”
You two can only chuckle at the cuteness of it and you immediately go to hug her. You couldn't believe that you were blessed with such a wonderful family.
3K notes · View notes
smileysuh · 6 months
Text
creep
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
🌙 staring. Mingyu x afab!Reader
🔮 preview. “If the roles were reversed - if you were a ghost bound to this apartment forever - you’re saying you wouldn’t watch me get naked every day?” He’s definitely got a point. As your eyes skim Mingyu's perfect form again, that tingle returns between your legs. There’s no reason for him to be as sexy as he is- murders aren’t the only shocking thing this man has under his belt and you can see that now. 
tw/cw. dark content warning, serial killer Mingyu, mention of suicide, touch starved mingyu, switch mingyu, pussy eating, pussy worship, blow job, hand job, fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, big dick mingyu, pussy stretching, extreme voyeurism, mentions of non-consensual voyeurism, dirty talk, praise, choking, manhandling, etc… I pet names: (hers) princess. (his) good boy.
👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 9.1k
🍭 aus. Halloween, ghost!mingyu, serial killer!mingyu, etc…
☀️ mlist + an. I really can't explain this one other than saying I tried to make Mingyu redeemable by saying he only killed bad men 👀
Tumblr media
Out of all the guy friends you have over, Jeonghan is Mingyu’s favorite. He’s always up to no good, talking shit that Mingyu can listen to for hours, and tonight, he’s brought a Ouija Board, which has spiked Mingyu’s curiosity. 
“Come on, it will be fun,” Jeonghan insists. “I’ve been wanting to do a seance in your apartment since you moved in three months ago.”
You’re not as impressed as Mingyu is about the idea, and neither are your other friends.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Seungkwan says for the fifth time since the rag-tag group of friends entered your home. “We said we’d come back here between Halloween parties and drink, we never said anything about contacting the dude that killed himself here.”
Mingyu remembers the day you visited the apartment for the first time, the way the realtor had downplayed what happened here. Times are tough, and the price reduction had enticed you, despite Mingyu’s tragic history. 
“Come on, don’t you guys wanna ask why he did it?” Jeonghan presses.
“He did it because he was a top suspect in a string of murder cases,” Seungkwan fires back. “Case closed.”
Jeonghan scoffs loudly. “But what if he didn’t do it? What if the real serial killer came here, killed him, and made it look like a suicide-”
“Hannie,” you interrupt with a sigh, “what’s with you and your infatuation with murderers?”
“Me?!” Jeonghan’s eyes widen. “Who’s the one who watches all my slasher films with me? Don’t pretend you're innocent here, we all know you have a thing for bad boys.”
Mingyu’s noticed your love for dangerous men, you’ve had your share of bad dudes over to this very apartment much to his annoyance. On the flip side, Mingyu does enjoy a good horror movie night, and you provide more than enough of those, especially this past month.
“We’re doing this,” Jeonghan insists, pulling the board out and setting it on the coffee table. “It’s Halloween. If there’s ever a night for this ghost to talk with us, it’s now.”
Seungkwan only groans, taking another shot while Seokmin and Soonyoung exchange worried glances.
“You don’t think the ghost is going to actually like… talk with us, do you?” the man in the tiger onesie asks, playing with his tail nervously. 
“Well, the veil is thinnest on Halloween… I guess there’s only one way to find out,” Jeonghan grins devilishly. 
Five minutes later, candles are set up and Seokmin is sheepishly turning off the lights before joining everyone by the board. 
Mingyu holds back, watching with interest.
“How do we start?” you ask.
“Imma rizz this ghost,” Jeonghan explains, looking around the room. “Is there a presence here with us?”
In the silence, Mingyu can hear an ambulance a few blocks away. He crosses his arms over his chest, watching.
“Don’t we have to touch the Ouija thing?” Seungkwan asks.
“Right.” Jeonghan reaches out only to have his hand slapped away by his friend.
“Not you,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “You’ll rig it.”
Jeonghan sighs. “Fine, I’ll ask the questions, you all touch the planchette.”
It’s almost laughable how reluctant Seokmin is to touch the board, but soon, there are four sets of hands on it while Jeonghan addresses the room again. 
“Come on ghost,” he pleads, “don’t make me look bad, come say hi. If there’s a spirit with us, please move the planchette and tell us.”
Mingyu figures now is as good a time as any to communicate, God knows he’s waited years. With a sigh, Mingyu approaches the board. He crouches down next to you, reaching out. His fingers slip right through the planchette, but when he touches Seokmin, the man shivers.
“You okay?” you ask, looking at your friend.
“It just got really cold,” Seokmin breathes, already turning pale.
Mingyu tries again, this time aiming for Seokmin’s hands. The ghost focuses hard, willing the planchette to move, willing Seokmin’s hands to become his own. 
The small tool begins to shift on the board. 
“Soonyoung, cut it out,” Seungkwan snaps.
“It’s not me!” the tiger insists.
Little by little, the planchette shifts to Yes, and Mingyu lets out a deep breath at the effort it had taken.
“So there is a spirit here with us?” Jeonghan clarifies.
Again, Mingyu moves the planchette, slightly off of Yes then back again, an affirmative.
“I knew it!” Jeonghan practically screams. “Are you the guy who died here?”
Another Yes, and Mingyu’s getting annoyed with the questions already.
“What’s your name?” you ask.
Mingyu’s a little surprised that you’re beginning a line of inquiry, but he’s pleased too. Using Seokmin’s hands, he begins to slowly reveal his name. With each letter, your group reads it out loud.
“M… I… N… G… Y… U… Mingyu?” 
God, Mingyu likes the sound of his name on your lips.
A shift to Yes has the whole room going quiet and Mingyu waits for the next question.
“Okay guys, seriously, who’s doing this?” Seungkwan asks, ever the non-believer. 
“It’s not me!” Seokmin insists, followed by Soonyoung, who even crosses his heart to prove his own innocence.
“Did you really kill those guys?” Jeonghan questions, drawing all eyes.
“You can’t just ask that!” You bat at your friend’s arm.
Mingyu considers his next action, but with a sigh, he reaches for Seokmin’s hands again, using him to push the planchette to Yes. In Mingyu’s eyes, all the men he’d killed deserved it. They’d been predators, and it takes one to know one. Mingyu had simply been the better predator.
“How many people did you kill?”
“Jeonghan,” you say again, harder this time.
“We’re fact-checking!” Jeonghan insists. “If he gives us the wrong number, then someone here is lying.”
Mingyu doesn’t like to be tested like this, but at the same time, he admires the man’s shiftyness. The ghost reaches through Seokmin, pushing the planchette to 5.
Seokmin lets out a gasp, tearing his hands away from the board and leaping to his feet. “Guys, I don’t feel good about this.”
“But it’s just started to get juicy!” Jeonghan tuts. 
“We’re not going to force Seokmin to do this if he doesn’t want to,” you sigh, also removing your hands. “I think this is enough for tonight.”
Jeonghan’s not so easily convinced. “But we just made contact!” 
“It’s almost midnight, I thought you wanted to be at the bar for eleven fifty so your bouncer friend would let you in,” you point out.
“Let me in…” Jeonghan raises a brow. “Aren’t you coming?”
“Honestly?” you sigh. “I’m getting a bit tired.”
“But it’s Halloween!”
“And we’ve already been to one party and just used a Ouija board,” you laugh. “I think I’ve had enough fun.”
“You’re boring!” Jeonghan groans. 
“And you’re crazy!” you retort, heading to turn on the lights. “Say goodbye to your ghost friend, take another shot, and get out of here so I can get some sleep.”
Mingyu likes it when you take charge like this. He stands from the table, coming to join you as you head to the kitchen to get your friends their last shots. He’s always liked sticking close to you, your second ghostly shadow. 
The last tenant had been a guy, and the view had never been very great, but with you around? Mingyu is constantly entertained, in the most perverted ways possible. He’s really enjoying the skimpy outfit you’re wearing, and he can’t wait to watch you take it off. Maybe you’ll have a shower once your friends are gone- you’ll make his night if you do.
“Goodbye,” Seungkwan says loudly, pushing the planchette to the word scrawled in big writing. Mingyu’s not so easily dismissed, but Seokmin lets out a breath of relief as the board is closed and packed up.
You all take one last shot, and Mingyu can practically taste the tequila on his tongue. It’s been forever since he had anything to drink, or eat, or fuck for that matter. 
He misses it every day. 
The ghost hangs back as you hug your friends goodbye, with Jeonghan trying for five minutes to convince you to join the last bar outing. You stay firm, and Mingyu grins to himself when you finally close the door, shutting you in together.
You busy yourself with cleaning up the kitchen, putting the shot glasses and bottles away, then, to Mingyu’s pleasure, you head toward the bathroom. He follows closely, slipping in behind you before you can close the door. As a ghost, Mingyu can walk through walls, but it’s an unpleasant experience, one he avoids when he can.
He watches you turn on the shower, facing the mirror to remove your false eyelashes. You’re so pretty, and when you begin to take off your outfit, Mingyu practically drools. He can stare at your naked body for hours and not get bored, in fact, he has. 
You step into the shower, closing the curtain. Your silhouette is still as beautiful as ever, and Mingyu can feel his cock getting hard as he watches you. Voyeurism is something he’s always enjoyed, even as a human, and now that he’s a ghost, it’s something that makes Mingyu’s undead life go round. 
He palms himself through his jeans, looking for relief but also not wanting to take things too far. Knowing you, he’ll probably get a free show if he waits long enough. Your sex drive rivals even his own, and Mingyu’s nothing if not a good boy who knows how to be patient. 
***
You get out of the shower feeling refreshed. Your blood is still buzzing slightly from the drinks you’ve had, but you feel clear-headed as you wipe the mirror, looking at yourself while you wrap a towel around your naked body.
Your phone dings and you look down at it, reading Jeonghan’s contact name. It’s a text to tell you that your friends have gotten to the bar, and another request for you to join. You can only laugh, setting your phone down just as the clock hits midnight.
There’s movement in the corner of your eye and you turn your head, locking eyes with a tall, dark-haired man standing by the door of your bathroom.
Your heart lurches in your chest, and you immediately grab the closest thing, a hairbrush, hurling it at the man. He doesn’t even try to dodge it, and it hits him square in the chest. His gaze dips down, and he looks completely shocked that you’ve just thrown something at him.
“Get out of my house!” you scream, reaching for the next item-
“Not your expensive moisturizer!” the man yells, holding up both hands and backing up. “How are you going to explain breaking that to Jeonghan?!”
You freeze a little at his words, thoroughly confused. “How- how do you know-” You look down at the bottle of moisturizer that Jeonghan had bought for you last month. “Did Jeonghan put you up to this?!”
“Put the bottle down,” the man says, still holding his hands defensively. 
“You’re some creep in my bathroom!” you retort. “You don’t get to tell me what to do!” You grab your phone next. “I’m calling 911.”
“God, please don’t,” he sighs.
“Start talking!” you insist.
“I’m not Jeonghan’s friend-”
“Then who the fuck are you, and how did you get into my apartment?!” You lift the moisturizer again, ready to throw it at his face.
“Mingyu!” he belts. “I’m Mingyu!”
“Jeonghan definitely put you up to this,” you declare, feeling something like relief. This is just some prank-
“I’m serious,” the handsome man tells you. “I’m Mingyu-”
“You expect me to believe that you’re the ghost of that serial killer who died here years ago?” you scoff.
“Yeah, it was me with the Ouija,” he tries to explain.
“Prove it,” you insist, still not believing him. 
“You want me to tell you something only a ghost would know?” he laughs. “How about this, I know you hide your sex toys in a box under your bed. I know the last few guys you’ve had over couldn’t make you cum so you’d finish yourself off with your vibrator once they left. I know you still say your first boyfriend’s name whenever you cum, for some stupid reason-”
Your heart is thundering in your chest. There’s no way he can know all of that- no one knows all of that-
Why is everything he’s saying sex related?
An unfamiliar feeling washes over your form. It’s something like fear, but there’s an underlying emotion there too- a tingle between your legs. Is this guy really a ghost? Is he your ghost? Has he been watching you since you moved in?!
“Believe me now?” Mingyu asks. He must have seen the way you’ve faltered, moisturizer bottle lowering to your side.
“How-” You swallow thickly. “How are you here?”
“That’s actually a good question,” Mingyu admits, looking down at his form. “This doesn’t usually happen.” 
“The veil is thinnest on Halloween,” you breathe, remembering what Jeonghan had said earlier. “It’s midnight…”
“Sounds right to me.” The ghost nods. 
“How… how long are you going to be visible for?” you ask, eyes dragging across his large body.
“I don’t know… but, when you threw that brush at me, it hit me.” Mingyu steps toward you and you move back, hitting the wall. “Don’t be scared, I just wanna touch you-”
“As if that makes me feel any better!” You’re frozen as his hand reaches out, fingers coming to gently brush your collarbone. You shiver at the cold contact.
“You.. you felt that!” Mingyu’s eyes widen with shock.
“Are you going to kill me?” you ask.
“What?!” He laughs, moving even closer.
“You’re a serial killer, aren’t you?” This is just your luck.
“I only killed men, guys who were predators.”
“Like you.”
“Like me,” he admits. “But… my brutality never came out toward women.”
The ghost has no right being this beautiful, and he’s saying the right things. You can’t believe you’re actually starting to relax a little. You’ve definitely seen too many horror films-
“You… you’ve been watching me,” you point out.
Your words seem to make him almost bashful, his gaze dipping to the floor. You see his skin flush a pinkish colour and it’s almost endearing. “Uh… yeah.”
“And you were in here while I was having a shower too… You are a bit of a creep, aren’t you?”
“Every other tenant here has been a guy!” Mingyu exclaims. “You’re the first one who’s actually caught my attention.”
“I feel like you’re just horny after years of being alone.”
“You would be too,” he insists. “If the roles were reversed - if you were a ghost bound to this apartment forever -  you’re saying you wouldn’t watch me get naked every day?” 
He’s definitely got a point. As your eyes skim Mingyu’s perfect form again, that tingle returns between your legs. There’s no reason for him to be as sexy as he is- murders aren’t the only shocking thing this man has under his belt and you can see that now. 
“Can I…” he swallows thickly. “Can I kiss you?”
You can’t believe you’re actually considering this.
“Come on, please?” Mingyu asks. “I haven’t touched someone in so long, haven’t been touched-” 
A dead serial killer who sort of respects your autonomy and is begging for you? 
“We don’t know how long this is going to last,” he continues. “I need to feel something, need to feel you-” 
“Fucking a ghost wasn’t on my Halloween bingo sheet,” you joke.
“It will be fun,” Mingyu insists. “I know what you like, I know your kinks, I know you, better than all those other guys you’ve fucked so far. Come on, princess, let me make you feel good.” 
It’s kind of creepy that the ghost even knows your preferred pet name, but it sounds so pretty coming from him. 
You weigh the pros and cons. 
Pros: He’s one of the sexiest men you’ve ever seen. He actually wants to make you cum. He already knows your kinks. He might be a touch obsessed with you, which would do wonders for your ego.
Cons: He’s literally a dead serial killer creep who’s been watching you jack off and get fucked for a few months. He could also disappear at any second.
Well, you can’t pass this up, especially since you have no idea how long this will last. And when he’s gone, he’ll stay gone. There are technically no strings, none that you can see at least.
And to top it all off, you’re extremely horny. You’d stayed back from going to the bar with your friends specifically to fuck yourself stupid tonight, and now, you have a ghost willing to get the job done for you.
“Okay, big guy,” you sigh. “Let’s see what you can do.”
Mingyu doesn’t waste a second. He grabs your face, cupping his large hand around the back of your skull to pull your lips to his own. 
You’re a little shocked, but you melt into his embrace quickly, pressing your hands to his beefy chest while his tongue licks at your lip, begging for entry. You open your mouth to him, and he kisses you deeper, letting out a low groan as he shifts you in his embrace, grabbing at your hip to pull you closer.
It’s been years since he’s touched anyone, but he kisses with the best of them. 
It’s almost too easy to get lost in Mingyu, your mind going pleasantly blank as you make out with the ghost. 
You’re eating up the sounds he’s making too. His mouth is eager against your own, all tongue and plump lips. It’s clear that your ghost has been very touch-starved. His hand gropes at your waist, toying with the towel still wrapped around your body. 
You can’t help yourself, you reach a hand between your bodies, cupping his cock through his jeans.
Mingyu pants against your lips, breaking the kiss to look down at where you’re touching him. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” he groans, pressing his hips forward for more friction.
He’s literally adorable, and so receptive. 
“You’ll take care of me first though, right?” you toy, squeezing your hand tighter around the large bulge in his pants.
“Yeah,” he swallows thickly, nodding. “Been wanting to taste your pussy for fucking months.”
Your core throbs at his words- he’s got a big dick and he likes oral? Your night just keeps getting better.
“Then you should taste me,” you tell him. “I’m even sweeter than I look.”
Mingyu lets out a deep groan, and then he’s sinking to his knees on the bathroom floor. His mouth finds your calf, and his large hands grab at your leg, adjusting it onto his shoulder while his lips ascend to your thigh. 
You lean back against the wall, trying to catch your breath while the large man gets closer and closer to where you need him most.
He reaches up, grabbing at your towel and tugging. In one motion, you’re naked for him, and the cool air of the bathroom has your skin tingling, nipples pebbling with interest.
Mingyu spreads your legs wider, and you can feel his breath on your pussy. You reach down to tangle your fingers in his hair. He looks up at you, eyes dark with lust, and then he’s diving in. He’s all tongue, the wet muscle pushing into your hole to taste you while he releases an almost animalistic groan of appreciation.
It’s clear this man is a pussy lover, and you can’t believe he’s gone so long without having his mouth on one. You’re more than happy to make up for the lost time, enjoying the feeling of him pressing his face closer to your wet core, tongue lapping at you while he begins to grind his nose against your clit.
He definitely knows how to eat, and you find yourself closing your eyes, enjoying the feeling building in the pit of your stomach. His hands are on your hips, but one trails up, grasping for your breast. The added stimulation of his thumb and pointer pinching your nipple has you crying out, hips rutting toward his face.
He just feels so good- and when his lips move to suction around your clit, your thigh quakes on his shoulder. “Fuck-” you moan loudly, shocked that it’s been this easy for him to get you to the cusp of an orgasm. 
Most men don’t know how to handle you, but it’s clear that he does. 
You can feel yourself practically dripping, and you’re not sure if it’s pussy juice or the ghost’s drool, but you don’t really care. It’s sinful and sexy and dirty- exactly what Halloween should be. 
Mingyu lets go of your breast, adjusting his hand- two fingers slide into your core while his mouth continues on your clit, and you swear this purgatory-bound sinner has just taken you to heaven. 
You’re a mewling mess now, moans and gasps leaving you uncensored while his thick fingers stretch out your core, pushing in and out while his tongue flicks at your most sensitive spot.
“I’m gonna cum,” you tell him, eyes clenched shut as the knot in your stomach is pulled tighter and tighter-
The man between your legs groans in response, driving his fingers into you faster and harder, his mouth making lewd sucking sounds around your clit. 
It’s everything you need to reach your high and you gasp loudly, tangling your fingers in his hair while your orgasm washes over you. Your hips buck against his face, only for his free hand to pin you to the wall, his motions never ceasing while you cry out, your core throbbing around his fingers.
No one has ever eaten you out this good. Your mind is practically blank, body completely overwhelmed with the pleasure surging through you. 
It’s almost too much for you to handle, and you find yourself tugging at Mingyu’s hair, trying to pull him away-
He won’t budge, growling heavily against your core. The vibration makes your legs twitch, and you’re not sure you’ll even be able to stand if he keeps this up-
Finally, Mingyu pulls away. He’s panting hard. His fingers slip out of your pussy only for him to place them in his mouth, sucking them clean while he groans lewdly. “Fuck,” he mumbles, looking up at you with stars in his eyes. “That was so good.”
You can’t even speak yet, too breathless from the mind-numbing orgasm to even think. 
Mingyu stands up, and you have to tilt your head to retain eye contact. God, why’s he so big and fuckable?
“Look at you, princess. You usually have good comebacks.” He leans forward, breath hot against your face. “Ghost got your tongue?”
You can’t help but laugh slightly, and Mingyu grins down at you. Then he’s cupping your cheek again, bringing his lips to yours. You can taste yourself as he kisses you deeply, but you don’t even care. You wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, pressing your boobs against his chest.
You need to be closer to him. Need to feel him, fully.
Mingyu reaches down, grabbing your ass and lifting you off the ground. Your legs wrap around his hips and the ghost carries you through the apartment, gently setting you onto your bed.
He towers over your now and your pussy throbs at the idea of how well he’s about to wreck you.
“You still want me, right?” he asks. “I’ll be good for you, I promise.”
You nod, licking your lips. “I know you will.”
“I’m a good boy,” Mingyu says quietly, eyes dipping down to your core.
“Then be a good boy and take off your shirt, I want to see you.”
He’s quick to comply, tearing off the black fabric to reveal his muscular chest. Your pussy throbs at the sight alone. His arms are huge, biceps bulging deliciously, and his pecs look downright biteable. Then there are his abs-
You sit up, trying to contain yourself. “Pants next.”
“Fuck, princess,” Mingyu groans, already working on his belt. “Has anyone ever told you how fucking perfect you are?”
“You’d know if they had, wouldn’t you, Ghost?” 
“These fucking dudes you have over,” Mingyu clicks his tongue, “none of them have known how to treat you right.”
“But you do?”
“Of course!” he scoffs, pushing his pants and underwear down, revealing the biggest cock you’ve ever seen. “Name one other guy who’s eaten your pussy like I have.”
He knows you too well.
“I should return the favour,” you suggest. 
“Fuck, I’d die all over again if you did.”
You get onto your knees, shuffling closer. You kiss him first, cupping his cheek with one hand while the other moves down to his cock, stroking him gently while he whines against your lips. He ruts his hips, forcing more friction while you grin into the kiss. 
“Needy Ghost,” you laugh.
“Need you so fucking bad,” he agrees. 
“Then I shouldn’t keep you waiting, should I?” 
“Please, don’t.”
You begin to kiss down his neck, taking your time as you trail your mouth across his body. You appreciate every centimeter, all the way down his pretty chest and abs. You trace your tongue along his hip bone and the ghost shivers, letting out a shuddery breath. “Holy shit.” 
“You’ll be nice and praise me while I have my mouth full, won’t you, handsome?” You sneak a glance up at him as you take him in your hand, adjusting his cock. 
“Yeah-” He swallows thickly. “I know how much my princess loves being told she’s a good girl.”
“Am I your good girl?” 
“So fucking good,” he nods eagerly. “So fucking good for me I can’t even believe it.”
You smile to yourself, pressing a chaste kiss to the head of his leaking cock that has the Ghost practically whimpering. 
“Fuck, can I- can I grab your hair?”
“Uh huh,” you lick a stripe along the head of his cock, circling it with your tongue while the gorgeous man shivers at the contact. 
“Please don’t tease me,” he begs, grabbing a fistful of your hair. “I don’t- don’t know how much time I have with you, and I’ll die if we spend the whole time teasing and I don’t even get to feel your perfect fucking pussy-”
You wrap your mouth around his cock, agreeing with what he’s saying, and it earns an immediate moan of appreciation from the man towering over you.
“Fuck, princess, you feel so good- you feel so fucking good-”
You swirl your tongue around his length, running it along the crease between the head and shaft. Mingyu’s grip tightens in your hair as more breathy moans spill from his lips. 
He’s much too big to fit in your mouth, so you pump what you can’t reach, using your saliva as lube to make stroking easier while you suck on him. Your eyes are closed, mind focused on pleasuring him the way he’d just pleasured you in the bathroom.
It feels good to be giving something back to him, especially as praises and words of encouragement fill the room. “Just like that, just like that, holy shit-”
You take him as deep as you can go, the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat, which constricts around him.
“Oh my god-” he practically whimpers, fingers flexing in your hair. “Please let me fuck your face, please, I want it so bad-”
You make a sound of affirmation and that’s all it takes for Mingyu to release a low groan, pushing his hips forward. He hits the back of your throat again and you do your best to clear your mind, focusing on anything but the gagging sensation as he begins to use your mouth for his own pleasure.
“Holy shit, good girl, good fucking girl-” he moans, quickening his pace. His grip on your head keeps you where he wants you, and it’s clear he’s being cognizant of not making you gag too hard. He seems to know your boundary, know just what to do without making it too much.
“Fuck, it’s too good- you’re too fucking good at this, princess,” Mingyu pants. “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum but I promise I’ll still fuck you, I promise my recharge time is quick-”
You suction your cheeks harder around him and Mingyu practically cries out, grip tightening in your hair so hard it almost hurts. He’s a garbled mess of swear words now, and a few thrusts later he’s cumming down your throat, releasing the prettiest moan you’ve ever heard while his hips shudder with effort.
“Holy shit, good girl, good girl-” he groans, motions slowing as he cums rope after rope- “Taking me so fucking well, oh my god-” 
Mingyu pulls out of your mouth, breathing hard. He looks down at you while you also take a few deep breaths. 
It’s the oddest thing. His cum hadn’t tasted like anything. There was no salt or musk- it was just… different. You suppose he’s a ghost, so that could account for the lack of flavour, and you almost prefer it that way. 
“That was so good,” Mingyu tells you. “You’re good, right?” 
You nod, pulling away from him to fall back against the bed again. “I’m perfect.”
“Yeah, you are,” the ghost laughs. 
“So are you going to make me cum again, or…?” you cock your head to the side, assessing him.
He’s still trying to catch his breath, cheeks all flushed, hair a tangle of dark curls. He looks beautiful.
“Fuck, yeah,” Mingyu grins, and the smile lights up his whole face. “I know you probably want two or three more, you’re insatiable like that, aren’t you, princess?”
“I guess it takes one to know one,” you laugh. “I bet you usually cum two or more times watching me, don’t you, Ghost boy?”
“Guilty.” He runs his fingers through his wild hair. “But my hand is nothing compared to you.”
“Funny, my hand is nothing compared to you either.”
“Match made in heaven,” Mingyu muses, getting onto the bed to join you while you wrap your arms around his shoulders, tugging him in for another breathtaking kiss.
He slots so well between your legs, one hand pressed to the bed while the other comes up to massage your breast. You moan against his lips, arching your back, wanting more. His thumb brushes over your nipple and then he’s pinching it, making you cry out.
“You like a little pain, don’t you, princess?” he grins, looking down at you.
“A little,” you admit.
“You know…” his hand moves up from your breast, teasing over your collarbone, “sometimes, when you’re trying to make yourself cum, and you choke yourself- it’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever fucking seen.”
“Oh yeah?” You grab his hand, guiding it to your throat. 
In the back of your mind, you remember that this hot ghost is also a killer- but his hands are shockingly soft and gentle as he squeezes your neck. 
“Fuck, you look gorgeous,” he groans.
“Tighter,” you tell him, stroking his forearm while the muscles move beneath the skin, his hand pressing harder onto your airway.
You let out a small whimper, closing your eyes and enjoying the lightheaded feeling. 
“Ready for my fingers again?” he asks.
“Want your cock.”
“Fingers first,” he insists, letting go of your throat so he can trail his hand down your body until he’s cupping your pussy. You buck against his hand and he grins. “So eager.”
“Be a good boy and make princess cum again,” you tell him.
It’s an interesting kink for him to have - the whole good boy angle -  you would have thought a man like him would be a full dom, but you kind of enjoy this switchy side. It allows you to tell him what to do, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy holding a lot of the power in this interaction.
Two of his fingers slip into your core and you both groan at the feeling. “Still so fucking wet,” the ghost muses. “Did sucking me off turn you on that much?”
“I like the sounds you make,” you admit, rocking your hips against his hand while he palms your clit.
“Yeah?” His grin widens. 
“You’re my perfect puppy,” you sigh happily as he finger fucks you even harder. 
Mingyu reacts to the new petname with a low groan and you thread your fingers through his hair, tugging his lips to your own. You love the way his tongue invades your mouth, teasing and tasting but not dominating. 
His fingers continue to stretch you out, his palm a constant pressure on your clit. You can’t fucking wait to take his cock, and it’s just one orgasm away. 
You break the kiss to move your mouth to his neck, loving the whimpery sounds of appreciation that leave him as you begin sucking on his skin. There’s no reason not to leave marks, so you go as hard as you want, teasing your teeth over his jugular while it bounces with effort.
“Fuck, fuck-” Mingyu groans loudly, clearly enjoying the attention being paid to his pretty throat.
You can feel your core beginning to throb, your pussy tightening as another orgasm approaches, doing its best to keep Mingyu’s fingers buried knuckle deep even as he drives them into you rougher and rougher.
“Are you gonna cum again?” Mingyu asks, breathless. “Please tell me you’re gonna cum again.”
You can feel his cock, hard and pressed to your leg, leaking from how turned on he is while he finger fucks you and you kiss his throat. He’s so easy to make come undone. It boosts your ego like nothing else, and your pussy pulses with desire.
“I’m close,” you tell him, licking at his throat and making your way to his ear. “Be a good boy and make me cum.”
Mingyu groans loudly, and then he’s suddenly pulling away from you, moving down the bed to get between your legs again. His fingers don’t stop inside of you, but his free hand pushes your thigh up, giving him more space as he brings his lips to your clit.
“Holy shit-” you groan, threading your fingers through his hair and letting your head loll back against the pillows. You hadn’t thought you’d get his mouth on you like this again- but you suppose you had commanded him to make you cum, and this position is a tried and true winner. 
You can’t even tell him you’re about to cum, he simply tears it out of you. Your back arches off the bed, a sinful whine escaping your lips while your thighs quiver, pussy clamping down on his fingers, your clit throbbing desperately. Mingyu lets out a growl, slurping hard at the sensitive bud, and it brings tears to your eyes at how good it feels.
You feel like you’re the ghost now, your soul practically leaving your body while Mingyu works you through another one of the most intense orgasms of your entire life.
When he finally pulls away from your core, you can’t even open your eyes. You can only lay there, trying to catch your breath while the bed dips under his weight. You feel his hands digging into the pillows on either side of your head, and then something brushes by your nose.
You open your eyes to find Mingyu staring down at you, gently rubbing the tip of his nose against your own. “You good, princess?”
“I’m perfect,” you tell him, wrapping your legs around his hips to pull him closer.
You catch his cock between your bodies and a moan leaves you at how big he feels. 
“Ready for more?” he asks.
You can only nod, grabbing at his shoulders to drag him into a kiss. It’s almost relaxing to take a minute to just kiss him, mind blank, body still tingling in the aftershocks of your orgasm.
Then Mingyu begins to rut his hips, dragging his cock through your pussy lips and making you groan when he bumps your clit.
You’re the one who reaches between your bodies, grabbing his dick to line it up with your core.
Mingyu watches you carefully and you give him a small nod. “Do it,” you tell him. “Fuck me stupid.”
He only laughs, pressing his lips to yours as he pushes into you. Your pussy swallows him inch by inch, with you clawing at his shoulders when he’s finally all the way in. 
You’ve never felt anything like Mingyu- he stretches you out in a way that most men can only dream of. You feel small, fragile, needy- almost like a virgin again, and the way he’s kissing you eagerly definitely brings back memories of first times. 
He begins to thrust gently, allowing your body time to adjust to his massive size. You’re a little shocked at how easy the glide of it is, but you suppose you’re wetter than you’ve ever been after having cum so hard twice. It feels absolutely all-consuming. His cock is practically all you can think about as you tangle your fingers in his hair and kiss him deeper.
Mingyu is groaning into your mouth, and the sounds fuel your entire body with even more lust. You trail one hand down his back, enjoying the way it makes him shiver. 
“Do I feel good, Gyu?” you ask.
“You feel perfect,” he tells you, burying his face against your throat. His mouth is hot as he leaves wet kisses there, his hips moving even faster. “So fucking good. Better than I ever imagined.”
“You’ve imagined me a lot, haven’t you, big guy?”
“So many times-” he admits. “Never thought… never thought I’d actually get to fuck you like this.”
“Just wait till you make me cum while buried inside of me,” you grin, tilting your head so he can press fevered kisses to your jaw while groaning loudly. 
“Fuck-” One of his hands moves to your hip, keeping you pinned. He’s fucking you so hard now that the bed is rocking, but you can’t bring yourself to care about neighbors. “Wait, flip around for me, I know you go wild for doggy.”
God, it’s so easy with him. 
He has you on your knees in seconds, large hands cupping your hips to adjust your ass higher as he slips back inside of you. This new position makes him feel even bigger, if that’s possible, and it makes your toes curl. 
With each hard snap of his hips, your ass slaps back against his front. The sound of skin on skin mixed with his moans is doing something crazy to you- you’re completely consumed by him. There’s not a thought in your head other than “Yes, yes, yes! Fuck, harder Gyu, harder!”
He’s more than willing to comply, railing you like you’ve never been railed before.
You can feel fluids beginning to drip down your legs, that’s how wet you are. Stroke game has never been this easy.
Then he reaches around your front, leaning over your back so he can access your clit. You cry out from the stimulation, core clenching deliciously around the large intrusion. “Holy shit-” you whimper.
“Can you cum for me again, princess?” Mingyu asks, breath hot against your shoulders. 
“Are you close?” you gasp, feeling another orgasm building achingly fast.
“Yeah, but I want at least one more out of you,” the ghost says. “It’s Halloween, you deserve it.”
“I deserve it?” you nearly laugh, but the giggle is quick to turn into a moan as he applies more pressure to your clit.
“Yeah, of course you deserve it. You’re being so good for me, so fucking good-”
The praise goes straight to your pussy and you tangle your hands in the sheets. “Gyu-”
“That’s it, please, princess, wanna feel you cum.” He digs his fingers into your hip, drawing consistent circles on your clit. He knows exactly what to do to make you feel good, and you wonder how many times he’s watched you make yourself cum like this.
“That’s it,” Mingyu groans. “Fuck you feel amazing. Come on, cum for me. Come on, pretty girl.”
Your body twitches and you let out a gasp, tensing before your release hits you straight on. Your eyes clench shut as your pussy clamps down on his cock, a strangled moan escaping you as pleasure surges through you. Your mind practically short circuits, your brain blank except for the pure ecstasy he’s providing. 
Mingyu lets out a loud groan, panting harder as he fucks you through your high. He pulls his hand away from your clit in favour of grabbing your hips again, pushing his entire cock into your aching hole over and over again.
“Just like that, just like that-” he tells you. “Fuck, you’re literally dripping, holy shit-”
You don’t even care that your bed sheets are going to be ruined after this- all you care about is the man behind you fucking you like it’s his last night on earth. To be fair, it just might be.
“Good princess,” Mingyu breathes. “So good for me.”
“Gyu-” you whimper trying to push yourself up onto your hands. You rut your hips back to meet his thrusts and he lets out another guttural moan of appreciation. “I wanna ride you till you cum.”
You think he deserves it. 
In fact, you know he deserves it.
This man has made you cum three times already, and you’ll be damned if you don’t try to return the favor. 
“You wanna ride me?” Mingyu stops with his cock fully inside of you, and his hand smooths down your back. “Really?”
“Uh huh,” you nod, pushing back against him in an attempt to get him even deeper. “Bet you miss being ridden, don’t you, big guy?”
He lets out a groan, and then he’s removing his cock from your core, practically pouncing onto the bed next to you. He grabs your hips, helping you straddle him. While you reach between your bodies to grab his cock and line it up with your core, he slips a hand around the back of your skull, pulling your lips down to meet yours.
The ghost is grinning into the kiss and it’s almost laughable how excited he is. 
You sink down onto his length and you both release loud moans into each other’s mouths. 
It feels so good to be filled up like this. You begin by grinding against him, adjusting to his size. You can feel him so deep, all the way in the pit of your stomach.
He grabs at your thighs then your boobs, and you can tell he’s having difficulty deciding which parts of you he wants to worship. Then he takes a fistful of your ass, squeezing rough enough to have you whimpering while his tongue invades your mouth.
You begin to ride him, bracing your hands against his chest.
Mingyu is just so big- the sexiest man you’ve ever fucked and there’s no contest in that.
He’s so good at kissing too, moaning into it while you pick up the speed of your thrusts. 
He grabs your hips, helping you bounce up and down. Each movement fills you up deliciously, your drenched core swallowing him up like you were made for this.
You pull away from his lips, straightening while you ride him. Mingyu takes the opportunity to grab your breasts, kneading them in his hands while his thumbs tease your nipples. You cover his hand with one of your own, urging him to squeeze harder. 
“Fuck, you’re so fucking pretty,” Mingyu groans, hips thrusting up to meet you.
His cock is hitting even deeper now, and you swear no one has ever been this deep inside of you before. There’s literally nothing in the world like Mingyu… or his cock. 
“Look at you taking all of me,” he continues, cheeks flushed pink, breath hot. “I always knew you’d be able to- always knew you’d be a fucking champ in bed.”
You want to tell him he’s one to talk, but it seems the ghost has got your tongue again. All you can do is moan lewdly, riding him harder and ignoring the burn of your thighs.
Mingyu sits up, leaning forward to take your breast into his mouth. His tongue flicks by your nipple and you cry out, tangling your fingers in his hair to hold him to your chest. He groans deeply as you pull on his hair, teeth grazing the sensitive bud caught between his lips.
“Holy shit,” you whimper, core clenching tight around his cock.
The ghost pants loudly, giving your breast one last kiss before he flops down onto his back again. “You close?” he asks, reaching out so his thumb can find your clit, rubbing it.
“Fuck, yeah- if you keep doing that, yeah, I’m close-” you nod, clawing at his chest.
“I need you to cum with me,” Mingyu tells you. “Want us to cum together.”
“Me too, me too-” you assure him, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling of his cock filling you up perfectly while his thumb works harder on your clit.
“Want you on top,” the ghost continues, “but I want to take over. Can you rub yourself for me?”
“Yeah.” You swallow thickly, leaning over him so you can press your lips to his own. Your hand sneaks between your legs, and you hover over him, thrusts coming to a stop while he gets a grip on your hips.
His tongue battles your own as he begins to piston up into you- God, it feels even better when he’s the one fucking you from below. All you have to do is hold yourself over him with one shaky arm while your fingers work on your clit, dragging you closer and closer to the edge again.
“Oh my god-” you mumble against his mouth, and it only makes him smile, rutting up into you even faster. 
“I can’t-” he breaks the kiss to burry his face against your throat, “I can’t hold off much longer, please tell me you’re gonna cum with me, please-”
“I will!” you whine. “I’m so close-”
His mouth is hot against your neck and he sucks on your sweet spot, making you cry out. He groans loudly at the way your core tightens around his massive cock. Then he’s pulling away from your throat, wrapping a hand around it instead.
“Look at me,” he instructs. “Want to watch you cum.”
You force your eyes open, gasping as he tightens his grip on your neck. You’re so fucking close you can almost taste it. 
His other arm adjusts, palm snaking up your back as he fucks up into you wildly.
“Can I give you a countdown?” he asks.
You nod enthusiastically. He’s choking you too hard to answer. Your blood is rushing to your head and your pussy, body practically on fire-
“Three-” he moans loudly, staring up at you with dark eyes. “Two-” a small grunt leaves his lips, fingers digging into your back. “One! Cum with me- please, fuck, cum with me!” 
You let out a gasp, all the tension in your body snapping like the cord in your stomach. Pleasure washes over you, and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. It’s better than the first three orgasms if that’s even possible, and if it weren’t for the tight grip on your neck cutting off most of your sounds, you’re sure you’d be screaming.
Mingyu’s deep groans are only making you more turned on as your core throbs around his cock. He’s still fucking you, but soon the pleasure seems to be even too much for him. He drags you fully against his chest, burying himself completely in your pussy while he fills you up with his cum. 
He releases your throat in favor of smashing his lips against your own, tongue running against your teeth while he groans loudly. You whimper into the kiss, pussy still pulsing around him.
This has to be one of the longest orgasms you’ve ever had- and with his massive cock still buried inside of you, your pussy gets practically no reprieve. All you can do is gasp and whimper against his lips while your body struggles to process the insane amount of pleasure that’s still coursing through you.
Mingyu lets out a laugh, resting down against the pillows and looking up at you. “Was that good?” he asks. 
You can only shake your head at him, letting out a small chuckle as the last of your orgasm wafts through you like a warm summer breeze. 
“Yeah,” his hand smooths up and down your back, “it was good for me too.”
“You literally just ruined me for anyone else.”
“That was the goal, princess.” He grins.
“You’re so bad.”
“Obviously you have a thing for bad boys.”
“And ghosts, apparently.” You’re still coming to terms with what you’ve just done. Part of you wonders if this is just some crazy dream.
“Just me though, right?” He kisses you gently and it leaves you wanting more.
“For now, but if I meet another ghost with a huge cock, maybe that will change,” you tease.
Mingyu sighs, shaking his head at you. “We should probably get you cleaned up, then… can we cuddle? I’m still not sure how long you’ll be able to see me, and… I think ending the night holding you would be nice.”
A ghost who loves eating pussy, made you cum four times, has a massive cock, and wants to spoil you with some aftercare-
You’re for sure ruined for any other guy you meet and you know it. 
It sucks to have to get off of Mingyu’s dick, and your legs hurt, but he helps you to the bathroom with a shit-eating grin. “Never seen you walk like this after being fucked,” he muses.
“No one’s fucked me like you just did and you know it,” you laugh. 
He gives you a bit of privacy while you pee and get all the cum off of you, but he joins you when you begin to brush your teeth. Mingyu stands behind you, hands finding your hips, eyes locked on yours through the mirror. 
“Tomorrow, when you get ready for bed, imagine me right here,” he tells you, leaning down to press a kiss to your bare shoulder. 
“Yeah?” You press your ass back against him. “Is this usually where you stand while I brush my teeth?”
“Uh huh.” His hands move from your hips to grab onto your tits, squeezing them. “Gonna miss being able to touch you.”
You frown a little at his words, spitting into the sink before turning in his arms. “I’m gonna miss you too, Gyu.”
“Really?” He grins. “So no more fucking randoms?”
You laugh. “Do you expect me to wait a whole nother year just to get railed again?”
“I guess that does sound impossible,” Mingyu sighs. “Just know that any guy you do bring over… I’ll be watching.”
“And judging, I bet.” He’s so obsessed with you that it hurts. 
“Always.”
“What are you going to do?” you ask. “Waiting for a whole year before you can fuck me again?”
“You know what I’m going to do,” he grins. “Every time you touch yourself, I’ll be touching myself too.”
God, this is going to take masturbation to a whole new level.
“Do you…” you swallow. “If I got Jeonghan’s ouija board, do you think you could communicate with me through it? I mean… you’ve never thrown books around or done anything like this before so-”
“Maybe,” Mingyu cocks his head to the side. “I kind of had to use Seokmin’s hands as my own tonight, but, I could try it with just you. But you can’t expect to ask a question and have the wooden thing move to an answer on its own.” 
“Okay, noted.” You let out a sigh. “Now come to bed with me, puppy. I need a good cuddle.”
He lets you take his hand, guiding him back to your room where he joins you under your duvet. 
Mingyu is quick to adjust you as his little spoon, pulling you tight to his chest. One arm is secured under your head as a mock pillow, and the other hand cups your breast. His breath is hot against your neck.
“Would it be too soon to say I love you?” he asks suddenly.
You can only laugh. You’ve just met him tonight, but you suppose he’s been watching you for months at this point. You can only imagine how much he’s pined for you by this point. 
“You can say it, but I can’t return the sentiment, not now at least,” you admit.
“That’s okay, Ghost romances are usually one-sided anyways, or so I would imagine.” 
You can only laugh, enjoying the feeling of his body wrapped around yours.
“You won’t be here in the morning,” you muse sadly.
“I mean, I’ll be here, but you won’t be able to see me.”
“Do ghosts sleep?” you ask.
“Yeah.”
“Where do you usually sleep?”
“On the couch.”
“Well, from now on, I give you permission to sleep here with me.”
“Really?” He squeezes your breast.
“Of course. This is going to sound crazy, but… I can even say goodnight to you, although you won’t be able to say it back.”
“I’ll say it back,” Mingyu assures you. “You’ll just have to imagine it.”
“I can do that.”
“Gonna have to imagine a lot of things.” 
You know that a relationship with a ghost isn’t a long-term plan. You know that things can’t really go anywhere with him- but at the same time, there’s almost a peace that comes with having your very own personal spirit who’s in love with you and restricted to your apartment.
“You’re tired, aren’t you, pretty girl?” His breath is comforting against the nape of your neck.
“Exhausted.”
“Then you should get some sleep.”
“You don’t want me to stay up? Don’t want to enjoy every second we have together?” 
“I always enjoy every second we have together,” he laughs. “Something tells me this touching thing isn’t going to last much longer, and I want you to fall asleep in my arms, even if it’s only once.”
“Goodnight, Mingyu.”
“Goodnight, princess.” He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “I love you.”
It’s the last words you hear from him as you drift off to sleep, your body succumbing to the exhaustion of four orgasms. 
When you wake up the next morning, your bed is empty, but you know you’re not alone.
Tumblr media
☀️ mlist + an. thank you for reading! I hope I didn't scare anyone off with the serial killer tag, can we all agree this is a soft boy? "what about the people he murdered?" "what murder???"
🍭 support me by. sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below! 
🔮 preview. It has to be close to midnight now- it has to be- “I need you now,” you whine, moving your hand from your clit to grab the sheets. “We’ve both been so good this year, this is so unfair-” You’re horny, but you’re sad too, frustrated, desperate, annoyed- There’s no way you can make yourself cum while up in your head like this and you know it. Letting out a groan of defeat, you tear your hand from between your legs- only for it to be caught in a vice grip. Your eyes flash open, heart thundering in your ribcage. Mingyu is kneeling at the foot of the bed, and you watch as he brings your wet fingers to his mouth, licking them clean and letting out an absolutely guttural groan.
cw/ tw. masturbation, oral (f receiving), multiple reader orgasms, unprotected sex, praise, dirty talk, cock warming, bulge kink, deep kink, serial killer/ghost Mingyu, switch Mingyu, hand job, big dick Mingyu, fingering, mentions of suicide, recording sex with a phone, boob worship, etc… I pet names: (hers) princess, good girl. (his) good boy.
👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.9k I teaser wc. 200
🌙 staring. Mingyu x afab!Reader
Tumblr media
bonus
Part of you wishes you’d never told Jeonghan about Mingyu because your friend has become absolutely obsessed with communicating with your apartment ghost. In the year since you last saw Mingyu, there hasn’t been one hangout at your place that didn’t include Jeonghan whipping out the Ouija board.
“We should do another shot,” Jeonghan tells you, sitting on the couch and toying with the planchette.
“It’s almost midnight, I really think you should be heading home,” you sigh. Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan have the decency to have left half an hour ago, but they’ve never been that excited about your ghost adventures.
“You won’t even let me meet the guy?” Jeonghan whines. “Come on, let's ask Mingyu if he wants to meet me!”
He places the planchette on the board, and it immediately moves to Yes. Sometimes you think Jeonghan’s moving it himself, using your ghost roommate to further his own wants and needs. 
“I’m pretty sure Mingyu will want to spend the full-time slot with me alone,” you insist. 
The planchette moves to No and you roll your eyes while Jeonghan grins at you.
“Give me that!” You take the wooden tool from his hands, setting it on the board. “Mingyu, do you want Jeonghan to leave?”
You feel the familiar cold tingle in your hands, and without adding any pressure yourself, the planchette moves to the word Yes. 
Tumblr media
☀️ to read the 3.9k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here
👹 or check out what else is on my patreon here
🔮if nothing strikes your fancy, check out my m.list
Tumblr media
general taglist
@gotshinct - @subhyuck - @fraechan - @learnthisfeeling
@runahways - @d-abin - @milkteade - @woogyuhae 
@anothershorthuman - @nihxxy - @vantxx95 - @bangshii
@poutypoutybin - @notbeforelong - @creepybakeoven
@ninetechculture - @yungiland - @suhsfam - @binchangf
@chogiwapadada - @librarian-stacks - @meowniee
@learnthisfeeling - @gigilame - @cumtrov3rsy
@mocha000 - @darthlunaa​ - @just-here-to-read-01​ - @shiningnono
@lovelyhan - @grilledbananas
svt taglist:
@rebeccasficrecs - @alltowoo - @taestrwbrry - @greysdarling
@joonsneptune - @candidupped - @cheolussy
@yourfavoritefreakyhan - @asjkdk
Thanks to those who interacted with the teaser :)
@janehrt - @notevenheretbh1 - @bambikisss - @wonuskie
@leah-rose03 - @rinnie-rintarou - @mayasref - @blueandgrcy
6K notes · View notes