#I've been looking for a job for the better part of a yr now I literally can't do this anymore

[beauwritngs]

FIVE HARGREEVES REALLY HAD NO IDEA OF THE EFFECT HE HAD ON YOU. The way he always had to be strongest in the room, the way he'd always have a snarky response prepared for an enemy's threat, and the way his slim fingers would curl around a trigger like it was second nature. His whole character was so incredibly intriguing, yet still so unbelievably annoying to you. He was difficult to figure out - to put it in short, and you loved that.

Maybe some would describe you the same, you think to yourself. After all, you couldn't deny you'd been giving the poor boy a hard time with the endless teasing (if you could call "throwing the first insult that comes to your lovesick mind" teasing.) Knowing Five for this long was probably rubbing off on you. Still, it wasn't unusual for him to reciprocate.

That's probably why you hadn't been able to keep today's earlier events out of your untiring mind.

EFFECT - F. Hargreeves x Reader

. PART 2

warnings; season 3 spoilers.

word count; 1.3k

synopsis; You've been in love with the dumb kid for as long as you've known him. Despite the almost-60 years of friendship between you, you had been doing an okay job at hiding said feelings from him. Or so you thought.

a/n; ! reader is also 60 ish in a 15 yr old body ! i've been thinking ab posting to this blog all day, soo here's something of my fav boy in honour of season 3. <3

Five Hargreeves really had no idea of the effect he had on you. The way he always had to be strongest in the room, the way he'd always have a snarky response prepared for an enemy's threat, and the way his slim fingers would curl around a trigger like it was second nature. His whole character was so incredibly intriguing, yet still so unbelievably annoying to you. He was difficult to figure out - to put it in short, and you loved that.

Maybe some would describe you the same, you think to yourself. After all, you couldn't deny you'd been giving the poor boy a hard time with the endless teasing. (if you could call "throwing the first insult that comes to your lovesick mind" teasing.) Knowing Five for this long was probably rubbing off on you. Still, it wasn't unusual for him to reciprocate.

That's probably why you hadn't been able to keep today's earlier events out of your untiring mind.

The morning started off relatively normal - or so you thought. You woke up in your uncomfortable hotel bed to the smell of a plate of buffet breakfast; something you'd been getting used to at Hotel Obsidian. It wasn't uncommon for one of your best friend's siblings to bring you a meal before you woke, much to your delight. Breakfast in bed is so much easier than going down to the hotel lobby in your pyjamas half-asleep.

After a repetitive breakfast you were downstairs for the majority of the day, talking and stressing along with everyone else. This seemed to be a common thing among the Hargreeves. Well, along with saving the world from a certain someone and a new injury on your body every day. It wasn't until late afternoon had the seemingly "average" day taken a drastic turn. For the better, or worse.

You and the ex-assassin were placed on his bottom bunk, alone in his shared hotel room and sitting cross-legged in comfortable silence. This was a common scene for you two - often just wallowing in each other's presence while Five worked on equations, ranted about a sibling of his, or rambled a story about a commission member you'd heard a million times over. It was familiar, and that was exactly what the both of you needed now with all of these apocalypses; some familiarity.

"(Name)?"

Flinching at the sudden sound, you looked up, "Sorry?" A sheepish grin caught your features, how unlike you to zone out. Five clearly thought so, too. He rolled his eyes.

"I said, Luther's got his bachelor party later. I'm going." You almost forgot about Luther and Sloane's little announcement from earlier. It was.. unexpected, to say the least. Five did suggest completing our bucket lists, though, didn't he?

"You're going?" You had to hold back a laugh, almost. Five was playing into their little event? What made it so surprising was his adamancy on not going a couple hours ago. Also, Luther mentioned karaoke was to be a major part of the event, and if Five planned on drinking.. (which, who were you kidding, of course he did.)

"Don't act so surprised, jeez." Five rolled his eyes once more, "He's my brother, you know. And what else do you expect me to do currently? It's not like there's much of a world to explore out there." You watched as his eye drifted to peek at the curtain you'd closed when you first came in here, the atmosphere outside too devastating to wallow in.

"Well, yeah. Didn't take much convincing on their behalf, is all."

"They made little jars. What else can I ask for?"

You giggled at that, and Five cracked his signature almost-smile. "Is that what you're wearing?" You asked in a last attempt to make conversation as your best friend stood up from where he sat on the bed.

"Why? What's wrong with the suit?" Five glanced at a full length mirror that sat on the wall to his right. He brought his hands to the hems of his suit, tugging it tighter against his torso. You couldn't do anything but stare. That was attractive. That was so attractive.

"Nothing! Nothing's wrong with the suit." You answered quickly, and truthfully. "Just wondering. Because at this point, those are your casual clothes."

"What would be my formal clothes, then?" Five looked back over to you, and you couldn't answer. Your eyes were still locked on his hands, and what was worse is that now he could see that.

You both awkwardly sit there for a beat. You, staring at Five hopelessly and him catching you in the act. A quick chuckle from him is what breaks you out of your trance.

"At the wedding," He starts, to catch your attention, then turns back to the mirror from earlier to fix his hair, "I have to apologise now for the amount of alcohol I could end up consuming." Before he speaks, he reconsiders his words, as if he was going to say something different. There was a break in his voice that showed this. Just another thing you've picked up from knowing Five for so long: the ability to read him well.

"Nothing I haven't handled before." You shrugged, "What were you actually going to say?" Five sighs, he knew he was caught from the minute he spoke.

"Will you dance with me?" Five looks you in the eye through his reflection.

"Of course I will." You laugh, relieved. "That's what you wanted to ask?"

Five shrugs, and doesn't say anything more. He was unusually quiet and it was almost scary to you. God, say something quickly before things get awkward.

"I suppose you should head downstairs, hm?" You get up from the bed, deciding you should head back to the room you shared with Viktor and Allison to find something cute to wear to the wedding.

"I suppose.." He turns around to face you and the two of you lock eyes. "...I should."

Were you always standing this close to him? And has the room always been this hot?

Something strange rushes between the two of you; a new, electrified feeling. You feel Five's arms wrap around your waist, your own unconsciously moving around his neck. You were now both so close to each other you can't make out who's heartbeat it is beating so quickly in your ear, and both your lips not even a centimetre away from each other that if you just leaned the tiniest bit closer-

A knock at the door is what pulls you two apart, as if you were both magnets with a positive charge. You look over to find Viktor, standing like a newborn puppy that just got himself in trouble for the first time.

"..Uh- Sorry. Luther sent me to come and get Five. The bachelor party is, uhm.. starting. So..." Number 7 trails off. You cleared your throat, speaking up.

"No problem. He was just getting ready." A forced smile formed on your face, despite the inner turmoil in your brain. Your head turns to see Five, who was still standing in shock.

Viktor nods, and takes this as a cue to leave.

"..I'll see you at the wedding...?" You try, face warming up as the events from earlier dawn on you.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Five nods, running a hand through his hair as he takes a minute to collect himself before he begins to walk off. Before Five can reach the door, you see him hesitate. A moment later, he's located right in front of you after a familiar whoosh sound plays.

You don't even have time to register the use of his powers, let alone the feeling of his lips on yours.

"I'll see you at the wedding." Five repeats, smile now present on his features. You don't get to come back with a response before he's gone with a flash of blue light.

"I can't wait." Is probably what you would've answered, though now the words are lost to empty air, uttered barely a whisper. It's still true, though: you can't wait.

#five hargreeves x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #five x reader #bo.writing #five hargreeves

[auxiliuno]

I love how you wrote my last request so here's another. I feel manic but dogshit lately so please gib angst.

König and ex gf Y/N bump into each other again at a German cafe after so many yrs. Lil happy catch up over coffee (that Y/N prolly initiates bc knowing König). They had a good relationship but shit didn't work out as young peeps. She lives abroad now and just returned to town to visit family, so as much as the relationship was rly special, it's old and unrealistic and both are just happy to know the other is doing great.

Then days after, he lowkey wants a friendly chat again but finds out that she died in a car accident. Now König doesn't know if he wants to cry or not, and if he should visit (he prolly will). Gawd it's a whole level of sad when it fits upbeat music. Song reference? Alexa, play Never Forget You by Noisettes.

And thank you, have a good day.

Hello! Thank you for requesting from me again, I'm really happy you enjoyed my first writing! 💗 I hope you feel better soon darling :( ik how it feels to be in a bad place so I'm sending you lots of love! XOXO 💝

König x ex!reader

Hurt/angst

Sfw

Tw: mentions of death and car accidents, funeral, crying, cursing

How long has it been? 2 years, 3 years? No, definitely more than that

The time you spent with that boy washed away like sand on the seashore

Memories fade, as do old relationships

You just never thought you'd see him again

On a trip back to your hometown, to visit your family

You go to your favorite café, the one you always went to before you went to work abroad

The smell and atmosphere of the café brings back so many memories, of good and bad, happy and sad

Nostalgia is truly a weird thing

As if he knew you were nostalgic, he was sitting at a small table, in the back of the café, looking over it

That's when his eyes meet yours

Both of you freeze momentarily; time seems to stop

None of you dare to move, waiting for the other to initiate the first move

Like how it was, and always had been, you were the braver one

You started your way to him

He shifts, clearly startled by your sudden eagerness

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

"No"

Well then that's your que

You sit down across him; time seems to go by painfully slow. You both don't dare to look in each other's eyes, not knowing what to say. Having to take the lead again, you part your mouths to say what he didn't have the courage to say. "How have you been König?". He seems even more disturbed by your friendliness, shifting in his seat; he answers: "I've been fine, you?". A bit more comfortable now, you decide to be more open about what you've been up to, despite the fact that you both had history.

"Well, you know, just been working, doing the adult stuff....paying taxes and shit." You try to be a bit funny, but you think you sound awkward to him. He smiles, he missed this old you, you've never changed ever since you were children; that takes him back to his younger days, with you. You continue on: "I found a good job abroad, and it pays well. It's also a job that I've always wanted to have.". "I know, you've always been adventurous, wanting to get away from this small town.". You nod, surprised that he somehow still remembers that about you.

"What about you? What have you been up to? You ask curiosly. Truth be told, he had grown up and looked way different from the young boy you used to know, but his personality didn't seem to change much; his body was just a man now. A handsome man at that. You briefly wondered if he was seeing someone else know, but quickly remind yourself that it's not what you're here for. He's just an old friend you knew.

"I got the military job I wanted." Swiftly, he meets your eyes for a second to see any sign of admiration or fondness for his new job. He thought that maybe joining the army would make him more scary, more manly, less of the young and dumb boy he once was. Yet your expression never wavered, but you seemed proud of him. He was fine with that. "That's really great König! I can't imagine the hard and tough training you went through to join the army, I'm very proud of you." Your answer was so genuine and kind. It made his heart ache a little. Just a little... "Yeah, I'm happy you think that." Wow, what a conversation killer you thought. Seems like you still need to take the lead, even in a conversation.

"So...." You start slowly, pleading him with your eyes, to say something too. "So, why are you back here?" He asked, genuinely, he was curious; he hadn't seen you in such a long time, didn't hear from you either, and now you just suddenly show up? And he happens to see you? Fate must have set you guys up, again. Dumbfounded, you answer: "I'm just back to see my family, I miss them a lot, and this town, even if I acted like I wanted to get out of it. I never thought that I could miss it so much, or maybe I just missed the memories I made here." Wow. What a deep answer. Were you also thinking of him when you said the memories you missed? Does that mean you missed him? Part of the reason why he was in this particular café today was because he missed you.

He missed the memories you both made here, the numerous dates you guys had here. He just didn't expect to see you. Lady luck really smiled on him today, so why does it feel like he's fucking it up? What does he lack? What's wrong with him? Hadn't he grown into a better man now? Older and wiser, kinder and smarter? You break his train of thought when you suddenly tell him that it was time for you to go, you still had family to visit. He silently curses himself for letting you sit in silence with him, when he had this chance to talk to you again. He just mods politely, tells you that it was nice to see you again, and maybe you both should go out to catch up again sometime. You nod and agree: "Here's my number if you want to contact me König." Althought taken aback by your boldness, he eagerly takes your number. "Here's mine. See you here, same time, same place, in two days?" You agree and say your goodbyes to him, little did he know, he should've cherished this time better, as it would be the last time he ever got to see and hear you again.

The two days went by so slow. He was still processing the fact that he actually got to see you again. "Should I wear something nicer today?" He thought. "No, it's just a casual talk over coffee. Nothing special." He opted for a white button-up shirt and rolled up the sleeves, paired with dark jeans and leather shoes. At least he looked presentable enough. At the same time as yesterday, he drove to the café. He sat down in the sane spot as yesterday, patiently waiting for you. After he waited around 20 minutes, he decided to text you."Hey y/n, are you okay? I'm waiting at the café for you. If you are running late, it's okay, just lmk." Simple, yet to the point. He waited about 10 minutes for you to reply or call him, but there was nothing. Anxiously, his thoughts started to waver and think the worst. Maybe it was your plan all along, to get him to trust you, and then to hurt him like this. No, you wouldn't do that; you never were that kind of person. He knew he needed to stop being so insecure and worried, so instead, he decided to drive to your family to check on you instead.

It was a short drive, from the café to your family house, which he remembered was on a small but peaceful street. Driving by, he saw it; it was the same as he remembered in his teenage days; small yet cozy, you had a younger brother that most likely already moved out too. The house had all sorts of flora and greens growing outside of it. Your parents had a passion for gardening and always kept everything presentable. Parking his car on the side of the street, he got out and made his way up the steps of your family house. Nervously, he knocked on the front door a few times, anxiously waiting for someone to answer the door.

After a few minutes of worrying and anxious thinking, your mom opened the door, looking distraught and her eyes a bit red. "Hello Mrs.l/n, how are you? I came to check up on y/n after she didn't show up to our...catch up day today.". He was so nervous about talking to your mom again, fearing she would get mad and shut the door on him since you guys weren't a thing anymore. Instead, she looked a bit relieved, but tears started welling up in her eyes. "K-könig, it's so nice to see you again... It's y-y/n, she...she got into a car crash just half an hour ago. She told me she was on her way to see you." His heart dropped. "W-What, Mrs.l/n, are you sure? Y-y/n can't really be....gone? Right?" He was shaking now, stuttering through his words. "I wish I was lying too König, but we just found out too, after the police called us.". No!no! This can't be! After all those years of missing you, he got his chance to talk to you again, and now you leave again? It can't be true! "Would you like to come in and have a seat König? I'll make a cup of tea for you, " she sniffled. Still shocked, he nodded and went inside your house. The smell and feeling of your presence hit him like a train. He couldn't help but let tears well up in his eyes, nose starting to run. Your mom gently pats his shoulders as she leads him to sit down at the dinner table.

After he was seated, she started to make some tea in a kettle: "she had missed you a lot." She told him suddenly. Shocked, König looked up at her from his hands, "she did?". "Yes, she told me yesterday night about how she ran into you at her favorite café, and how you hadn't changed much. She said you reminded her of home." Fuck. He started crying harder now, after he heard what your mother told him. You really missed him? And all this time he was worried about what he did. You truly were a kind soul. Your mom turned around and gave him a hug. "I know it's hard König, I know you must have missed her too. Otherwise, why could you have come all the way to our house to check up on her?" He shifted, agreeing with what she said. "She would've been very happy to hear that you still care about her this much, after all these years.". He started bawling now. He didn't care if it was embarrassing. He didn't care if he wasn't manly anymore. All he wanted to do was to mourn for you, for the soul mate he lost. For the one who slipped from his fingers all the time.

Your mom continued: "After the police are done investigating who the driver that ran into her was, and after they...they gather her body... we will be having a funeral for her. We would be happy if you'd come." "Yes, yes, I will be attending her funeral, Mrs.l/n." "Good, she would have wanted you to. Would you like to stay here for tonight?" She asked kindly. "Thank you for the offer, Mrs.l/n, but I think I should go and think about everything." "I understand König, but you are welcome back here anytime okay?" He nodded, thanked her for the tea, and went about his way home.

On the drive back to his home, he couldn't stop the waterworks from coming. He was never the type to cry so hard, especially not over someone. But you, you had been different. You bad been someone special, someone he held dear.

Now that you're gone, he doesn't know what to do. He was probably going to drink his night away and reminiscence all the good times you guys had together.

The day of the funeral came back. All your friends and family were gathered together on a gloomy, cloudy day. The sky looked like it dared everyone to go home, for it would start storming anytime soon. Looks like even the heavens were downcast from your death. He stood alongside your mom for the rest of the funeral. He brought your favorite flowers and set them on your gravestone solemnly. Silently, he promised to himself that he would never, ever love anyone unless it's you again.

Omgggg this was one of the longest fics I've ever written 😭😭😭 I'm sorry it took kind of long, and I apologize if there are any errors in here, I was too lazy to go back and proof read it 😞😞😞 I hope you guys enjoy it tho!

Have a great day!💐

#könig headcanons #mw2 headcanons #mw2 x reader #könig x you #könig x reader

[handdrawnfantasma]

i got tagged by @monstrousmoonshine (ty!!) to self-rec 5 of my fave fics wot i have wrote so... here we go :')

1. "what if final fantasy x but with the magnus archives characters" aka the result of miri asking 'i had a mental image of jon doing the Sending and where's my jonmartin ffx au' aka clutching a map of dreams, the fic that has taken up the better part of the past 2 yrs and 8 months of my life. if you like tma and you also like fantasy epics like lord of the rings this is the fic for you. (i mean this very literally because the final word count pretty much equals that of LOTR lmao)!! Martin is swept away by a mysterious kaiju death monster into a stagnant future where things have gone Horribly Wrong and crosses paths with Jon who is a summoner tasked to go on a pilgrimage to somehow calm the aforementioned kaiju death monster. JRPG adventures, the world's saddest hiking trip, slowburn romance, found family and MANY revelations about why the world is the way it is ensue, also featuring the author wrestling with the concepts of sacrifice and responsibility and blame and where those all intersect with The Greater Good(tm) and how people's intent to do good or to atone for real or imagined wrongs can be manipulated by others and twisted to other purposes. there are only 6 updates to go until the fic is over so now is a good time to jump in and binge it. if u wanna [ eyes emoji ] honestly this is the first time i've even attempted to write something this long let alone FINISHED it and if i do say so myself i did a good job making sure that the plot made sense and that all the foreshadowing and callbacks/call forwards paid off. i also managed to fit SO MANY tma character cameos in there and some nice parallels to tma canon events as well as expanding on the FFX lore itself so like. im Very Proud of this one haha

2. the variant of soft hanahaki as envisioned by isa and myself and a few of our other friends back on plurk has lived in my brain rent-free for years and so of course i was going to inflict it on jon and martin. milk vetch is a short fic that takes place in the middle of TMA season 3, in a world where unspoken love (whether that be romantic, platonic, or otherwise) causes you to cough up (mostly harmless) flowers until you get over yourself and tell whoever it is that you love them. i had a LOT of fun with jon's POV in this one, his exhaustion and self-deprecation, and i also had a LOT of fun with the concept of the Beholding dropping a dictionary of flower symbolism into his head whenever he so much as looks at a hanahaki flower. it was also interesting to explore like... the psychology/reasoning behind NOT telling someone you love them even when the evidence is Right There, just going full magic realism with it all.

3. not to have never been is a fic taking place in the 13th doctor era sunless skies au that i've been building with kite for about a year and a half! 13 is a sky-captain, the fam are her officers, and this fic is about them getting caught in a weft of unravelling time and struggling to get Out without dying or losing themselves. i'm rly proud of this one because i managed to mix the episodic nature of a bottle episode of dr who (think 42 or Tsuranga) with the Sunless Skies ambience, and switching between 5 different 3rd-person limited POVs really let me play with allowing the voice of the character to permeate the narration which is a LOT of fun. i'm also proud of a couple of the cool things i managed to do with the structure here (having an Ice section followed by a Fire section and then a Dark section followed by a Light section) and some of the hints i laid down for the backstory of a few of the characters...

i actually only have 1 more of my fics to rec for this LMAO and it is still unfinished BUT in the spirit of the meme i'm gonna rec it anyway bc WIPs are still worth reading:

4. spydoc the locked tomb au, aka the result of me watching the power of the doctor last year and immediately losing my mind over the fact that dhawan!master basically reinvented lyctorhood. spydoc are a necro-cav pair from the Fifth House and this tragedy is going exactly where you think it is going (also featuring me straining the torvic affair thru a 13-shaped sieve and then re-straining it thru a tlt-shaped sieve, state-sanctioned codependency, and canon-typical memes, ruth!doctor and yaz are also going to feature when i get back to writing this thing). if you, too, are haunted by all the ways dhawan!master ends up emulating + recreating all of the worst excesses of gallifrey's founders despite the fact that he despises them so much and love trainwrecks as much as i do then u should read this and yell at me to finish it

tagging @birdybirdnerd bc i kno u write a lot BUT if anyone else wants to pick this meme up then pls do, we should all be more insufferable about our own work LMAO

#fel is occasionally a writer #au warlock shenanigans

[jeffbytes]

elaborating a bit more on Nick's importance to me, something i've only really recently felt more inclined to look back on and resurface in my mind given the..... nature... of this story 🥲 going back through my old facebook to find the images has definitely tightened my chest a lot as i'm writing this, but i think it's as good a time as any to share now i've done so.

trigger warning for domestic violence / physical assault. contains content made pre transition, identities and characters i no longer use, please respect this and do not use them

observing the bittersweet horrors below the cut

the movie released in 2016. i was 19 / 20 yrs old at the time. i was still a furry, identifying with the label, with a "fursona" all that jazz (i still have animal sonas and interest in costuming as my sonas now, i just dont identify as a furry or interact with the community / go to the meet ups anymore). most importantly i was in a co habiting relationship with my then boyfriend, who we will refer to as L (bc he certainly didnt act like a W lol....)

we've got the trigger warning out of the way so i'll be frank - L was my abuser. i was a domestic violence victim to this man. he was unpredictable, attacked me in my own home several times a week, over mundane things like a chore needing doing or not smoking inside or needing to wake him up at 4pm. it's stuff that still haunts me to this very day (high intensity therapy finally happening, end of this year) that i wont elaborate much more on but it was BAD, ok. really really bad, shit you only see happening in movies. i was nearly DEAD, on the last occassion. i lived that horror for over a year whilst we lived together, and the knock on effect its had... i have not been able to work since, i lost my job due to needing to be sent to hospital on my shift a couple days after and fired for my "inconsistent appearence" at work. i lost everything to this man. i've only just started coming out of my shell in terms of holding a relationship in the last 2 years, largely in part given to the bravery that self shipping has brought me.

so here we mention Zootopia. Zootropolis over here w/e it's not important - Zootopia released in the same year 2016, after much hype from myself it was one of few things keeping me going at the time the awaited release of this movie, and i fell hard for Nick. how much i related to his character (even more so in recent times) how tender he seemed underneath everything and his turn around, everything about this character comforted me.

and i started to selfship with him! i didnt know what selfshipping was at the time, it was just me drawing my at the time fursona with him romantically and had no idea the SS community existed until just a few years ago. i never really felt the need to ship with characters when i was in IRL relationships before - and the fact i started drawing myself with Nick was an eye opener for me that something wasn't right for me. that i was deep down seeking refuge in a fictional relationship bc i was starting to break down and come to terms with the fact my IRL relationship was not only unhealthy, but dangerous.

it was the comfort of shipping with Nick and that realisation it gave me that gave me the wake up call i needed. one morning L was on another of his hands on tyrades, and scared our poor elderly cat, seeing my baby scared and knowing i'd been putting my heart into new outlets, i ejected him from the property that day. sure, L was able to manipulate his way back into my life for another couple months later that year that ended the exact same way (for good this time, good riddance) but in that moment i knew i wanted better than what i had when i found that in Nick at the time.

while my self ship with him has been quite on and off since then, i'll never forget the part he played in essentially saving my life. aforementioned, L nearly KILLED ME one time, right towards the end of that second appearence i mentioned before. i'll spare the specifics, i'm lucky to be alive.

i don't know where i would be without that wake up call. Nick and my sweet elderly cat Clawey rest in peace, they both saved my life in 2016 and i'm forever grateful for that ;___;

#jeffs personal posts #no other tags for this one naturally #replies are fine! i just turned off RBs due to the nature of it #tw domestic violence #greywilde

[wtfcl0ud]

thinking abt my lang acquisiton xp n it's quite weird. i consistently studied french from like 12 - 19 in secondary school. i really super liked french and decided sometime arnd 16 or 17 tht i really liked it n wld go on to study it at university level n therefore i had to continue studying it at a levels (18-19). when i started university classes were like 90% conducted in target lang i.e. french n i felt like i cld understand i didnt feel like i was really struggliing. aside from school prep i used to engage w/ n immerse myself n the lang a lot bc i love french!!!!

on the other hand i studied spanish consistently from like 12 - 15 in secondary school. continues a bit of self study for the next 2 years then part of tht like 3 to 4 months i went to a tutor bc i decided i wanted to study spanish at a levels. then i picked it back up in the school setting from like 17-19. when i entered university again classes were like fully spanish n i feel like the spanish teachers talk more consistent spanish in class than the french but again tht cld just be my perception bc even now as a 3rd yr uni student i.e. 21 i still feel like i dont understand a word the instructors say in spanish??? like it's so hard i'm so lost n bc i dont like spanish as much i admit tht i've nvr really did as much self learning n immersion to the extent i did with french.

i'm just thnking abt it in the context of like how important learner autonomy is in learning a language. it's a hard comparison bc technically i've been taught french more n i'm better at it imo. but i studied spanish more on my own n i'm worse at it imo. but on a personal level i feel like it's my self driven immersion in french tht helped me to be n feel as efficient n confident as i do in it. whereas truthfully tht drive is absent in spanish for the most part. really makes me wonder why im still studying spanish n unfortunately the answer really is it'll look good on my degree as a minor n in terms of job prospects where i live hving the competency cld prove beneficial. except i dont really actually hv the competency or at least i really dont feel like it oof.

#cloud nonsense

[13feathers]

I guess I'll start by saying. It's a windy day on the coast of new England ,

the sun is planning to set soon and I'm only working three days this week due to thanksgiving. So I'm kind of looking forward to a four day weekend. But to be honast. Part of me is not.

I used to be happy. Lately I haven't.

I tried to find a mental health advisor, therapist, shrink, call them whatever you want. But that became more of an issue due to scheduling and working a full time job. Nothing ever lined up. Wether it was the shrink or the times available or both...

I'm not suicidal. I'm actually pretty sane. And that'll be understood I guess , by you...the reader ...after a little time and words.

I've just been dealt a load of shit over an extended period of time. And I need to vent. I need to get it out. I couldn't keep up with downturns. So I started watching psych professors on line to try and figure out alot of what's going on in my head.

Beleive me. I'm not one to look outwardly for help with my mental state. I've always tried to hold it together. Beleiving whole heartedly that I could figure it out on my own and proud. Very proud of the fact that I got through alot of a hard life sanity intact.

But now I find myself in a bit of a depression. And winter's setting in.

I'm not scared. I just want out. I want me back. The real me. Not this tired , down, version. The happy, fun loving, charasmatic, artful, soulful , unabreviated version that I used to be.

So I'm gonna write. Cause that's what I do.

I'm a songwriter. A writer of prose. A terrible speller. A social drinker of words and concepts and ideas , be it brilliant, blatant, or foolish. As long as they're fresh to the ears or attacked from new angles.

To calm the ruminating thoughts in my head recently. I thought back on a book I read long ago. And recently re read. Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

In it the writer describes mechanics as not art. But the opposite of art. Rational thought. The equations add up. If you do this and follow specs then it works. What's supposed to happen. Happens.

Hear me out.

I'm a songwriter. And at the moment , My emotional state is unregulated. Songwriting and writing in general, used to be the tool I used to vent all of that emotion out of me. But I've gotten overloaded.

I've tried to write. But the subject matter gets too deep and disgusts me to write about it. It's become more rhuminating , arguing with ghosts on a page I'd rather leave blank.

So I needed something to do that only allows rational thought.

My brother was a crack head back in the 80's. Man he put my family, my mom and me through hell with the stealing and lieing and waste his life had become back then.

I might go into detail about that time later but for now let's just say it was bad. Especially after just losing our father a couple years previous at 45 yrs old. I was 15 at the time. 17 when my brother got really bad with the crack.

but one day. Something changed.

He wanted to get clean.

We were planning on selling the only house I ever knew and my mom planned on fixing it up. My brother needed to keep his mind occupied on something other than drugs.

He'd sleep all day but at dusk he'd wake up. And he'd knock on my bedroom door. C'mon he'd say. We're gonna paint the stairwell , or were gonna put a new run down in the living room or were gonna put lolly collumns under that sag in the kitchen floor and I'd get up. And I'd follow him to whatever job we were doing that night. And I'd stand there. And watch.

Oh it didn't start out that way... I had every intention of helping but see , my brother had this way of wanting to show me how to do things. That meant even if I knew how to do things better than he did sometimes. So I'd watch. And by the time he was done explaining how to do the job. He was finished with it. So , there ya have it. I watched.

See my brother didn't need any help. He was strong as a bull and knew as much as anyone about building and remodeling. All he wanted was for me to stand there. And listen.

In the beginning there was alot of showing me how. Sometimes silence, ... That's when I knew he was in his head and the craving were bad. But then he'd start talking again. And that's when the realness of why I was there entered the picture.

He'd try to teach me how to do things. He'd talk and I'd listen and he'd tell me stories and spew what we referred too as useless knowledge. But sometimes. He'd tell me things. Things he needed to admit to someone. Admit to himself take responsibility for things out loud hold hiself accountable for wrongs How much crack he'd do. How he started in the first place , the stuff he'd do when he was on it or for it. Those were hard nights to listen too. when he finally realized he needed to get sober. it was his way of atoning for the guilt of it all. And I was the one who he confided all that too. But he needed that rational thought. That zen work. That kept his mind from rhuminating on his addiction. And that's why I'm writing this.

He went on to marry his highschool sweetheart who stuck by him through his bullshit. And he had four kids with her and raised them all with her.

Me and my bro used to build motorcycles. We built everything actually. Starting from when we were young. Go carts turned into bicyles then minibikes turned into motorcycles then cars, then crack....... For him. And he was there. But gone for a while. When he got clean. Bikes came back into the picture. Harley's BSA's Norton's, triumphs, we built em. Even a few cb 750s in savior frames.

My dad was a master mechanic and a songwriter / musician. Me and my brother kinda got that from him. My bro, he was the master machanic who dabbled in playing guitar. I was the songwriter with bands who dabbled in machanics.

I really not sure if I'm rambling , I'm really not sure if anyone's gonna want to read this anyway. But I need the release so I'm taking it. But to try to tie this all up and bring it back ......

We lost our mom to matastisized breast cancer in 2011. I was her caregiver. Just as she was the caregiver for my grandmother and my great grandmother before her.

In summer of 2020 , after I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship with an abusive gf I lost my brother to a heart attack. 3 months later I lost my sister to closet alchaholism.

I thought things were looking up last year tho until my last relationship also turned sour and ended pretty badly.

All of that kinda sent me on a downward spiral of depression with pretty much my entire support group now gone.

And then , in October of this year I lost my niece. My brothers daughter. Who's only 4 days younger than my own daughter.

It's alot. But like I said. I'm gonna try to write myself better.

So upon realizing I'm in over my head with my head. I needed a little zen work, rational thought, something to do outside of the constant overthinking so instead of home improvement. I decided to start building a vintage motorcycle. You'll be seeing the work on here eventually. It's the first build by myself. Without my bro telling me I'm doing it wrong.

And the second part. I need an ear. Someone to listen. Or at least an abyss to scream into... And that's where you come in....

So I might throw in some words, maybe elaborate and write myself through some of the feelings I have about these things I've written tonight. And maybe even a few songs.

For now I think I'm done for the night.

And thank you very much for reading.

[wlwboomboom]

just had a job interview and uuuuuh idk how it went but holy shit do i need this job

#personal #I've been looking for a job for the better part of a yr now I literally can't do this anymore #bad for my mental health

[tinandabin]

Hello, Author! I hope you are in your good health. I've been reading your yandere stories and I love with how you write them, so can I request? Yan! Tanjiro,Giyu,rengoku X f! reader dying in their arms from the yanderes own action. It's like,the yandere didn't actually intend to but they accidentally mistook their darling for a demon who attacked them and when their sword stabbed into their darling that they realised it wasn't the demon. But it was too late. If you do this,I would be grateful.

ofc ofc! so sorry for getting to yr request so late!! tysm for requesting and hopefully this is to yr liking!! 💗💗

( sorry not killing the darling on tanjiro's part )

Tanjiro--

I feel like he would feel miserably guilty for not being able to recognise you and even mistaking you for a demon.

And to top off that, he even hurt you??

So, to make this less bad for him, let's say that he is still going around asking demons how to turn a demon back into a human, for Nezuko you know.

And for them to respond to him, they have to at least be in good enough shape to not die.

That means you aren't severely hurt. I mean, hurt enough for you to not move, but surely you will get better? Besides, if you couldn't, that's also okay, Tanjiro is always there for you and he will just be happier because well, you are more dependent on him now.

Not like you would admit it ever tho.

But he has got one big DOUBT.

How the fuck did you get out.

He is very sure he locked the door 6 times. And boarded up the windows. And locked you in a room which has got like, 18 locks on it.

Not to add the fact that the house is in the middle of nowhere.

So be ready for a really anxious investigation when you reach the so-called home.

Giyuu--

He seems like the one who wants to get the job done quickly so he could y'know, just get home and spend more time with you.

And because of him daydreaming ( night dreaming ) he couldn't sense your presence at all, or even if he did, he would simply think it was his imagination.

I mean, you won't even be able to get out of the door!

Obviously, no way in hell will you be here.

Besides, he did tell you to just wait for him! You are very patient.

And why would you even try getting out of your home? You do love him, don't you?

So, in midst of getting the job done quickly he sadly so just, chops your head off.

You don't even get to make a sound and your head plops to the ground.

He doesn't even bother looking at you, but when he does sense a human's blood, your blood, doesn't matter if it is his imagination or not, he is alert and ready to fistfight Muzan.

And so he is frantically looking around and trips over your dead body.

Now he is confused, the demon should have disintegrated by now..? Unless it isn't a demon.

And that is when he in shock looks at the human dead body, your dead body, the only one who loved him and accepted him.

Boy, he is already ugly sobbing in your kimono and just begging you to wake up.

Of course, you don't.

Feeling ashamed of himself, he top chops his head off with the same sword he killed his beloved.

There is no reason for him to live if you weren't gonna be there with him.

Kyojuro--

He was very shocked to say the least.

I mean, he, a hashira, couldn't differentiate between a human and a demon, and the fact the human is you?

Bro, he feels so angry at himself that he forgets you are on the ground bleeding.

But he quickly snaps out of his self-hatred session and tries to check your wounds as calmly as he can.

Which isn't a lot because he is like screaming,

"LOVE, CAN YOU HEAR ME??!"

Screaming louder than he normally does.

And he just can't seem to get the fact that you are dying in his mind.

He can't accept it.

And boy, when he realized that he was the one to hurt you, his heart stopped right then and there.

Because not only you are hurt, you are hurt because of him.

He feels so ashamed and guilty that he didn't realise that you were dead.

And he just spends all the time over there mourning your death until the Kakushi's arrive and well, he is the next Shinjuro.

MASTERLIST.

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

Join my discord!!

#demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #dark #yandere demon slayer #yandere kny #yandere #yandere tanjiro kamado #yandere tanjiro x reader #yandere tanjiro #yandere blog #yanderes #yandere kyojuro x reader #yandere kyojuro #yandere kyojuro rengoku #yandere giyuu x reader #yandere giyuu #yandere giyu tomioka #yandere x reader #yandere kny x reader #yandere demon slayer x reader #yandere hashiras #yandere hashira

[bratkittynoleash]

October 20, 2021

11 days will be the anniversary of when we met. It took less than a month to decide we wanted each other and another 3 months to agree to a poly relationship. I don't regret anything. I love him and her, but things seem so different now. He will say he is a lazy Daddy Dom, but he wasn't when we got together. A friend who is a Gorean slave made a comment the other day. She said submissives who don't feel like being submissive are that way because their Dominants are not being dominant. That's been sitting in my brain for almost a month now. See lately all it's been is a quick dinner and peace out. Sometimes it's 2 or 3 times a week, but usually only once a week. Last night he cancelled because something came up he had to go handle. By itself would not be a problem, but he's doing that more lately. Texting has basically gone down to morning, what you eat for dinner, and night. He rarely calls and all together stopped video calling. He plays his part if there's an event or gathering in the community. He doesn't ask about my schedule anymore, no question on rules, no set schedules, no tasks and no punishment on breaking a rule as long as it didn't effect him in some way. We only play maybe once a month. 3 months ago I had to beg for a flogging to cry and feel better.

He says , of his past dynamics, that we are the most successful. But I've been feeling like this for at least a year, Like I need my Dom to fucking Dom up. Actually it's been 2 yrs because I remember a sit down 2 yrs ago with all 3 of us and a friend who is Dom(20 years in the community) with this same thought coming from both of us girls.

I'm so lost now I'm not even sure I'm a little. I'm certainly not sure what to do anymore. I need to look for a second job but I don't know what I want to do and it scares the shit outta me (the application process and interviews). He doesn't guide me anymore. He's too busy I guess.

He sent fruit and chocolate to apologize for cancelling last night. I just said thank you because I don't know what else to say. I'm trying not to blow up on him or implode on myself. Normally he would be the one I went to for guidance, but again he's too busy lately.

I'm scared to make waves or be what might seem dramatic because that was her rule: no drama.

I'm a lost girl.

[studying-with-adult-adhd]

I just found your blog. I’ve been diagnosed over three times, on various medications for the past 14 yrs and nothing has helped. I have no support system and I’ve had to hold myself up and I’m honestly past my breaking point. I’m in my 30s and I look back at a life full of regrets that I wasn’t diagnosed sooner. I officially was diagnosed at 18 and had a hard time coming to terms with it while not knowing much because the people (who also didn’t know anything) around me judged me, said I was causing my own issues and that I’d never get a job and it would follow me throughout my life. I’ve had a hard time not only understanding what ADHD is but I’ve had an hard time accepting the diagnosis. I used to be so smart and now I can barely function. I don’t see how life could get better. I’m like a zombie just existing and I can’t even give up. I’m sorry I just needed to vent , I’ve been in the dark for so long I don’t think I’ll ever see light again and just the thought of light now scares me.

This took me awhile to respond to nonny, I apologize. I wanted to find the right things to say. I told my mom about this one and she said "Give them hope."

I've been there my friend. I promise you. Sometimes it's hard to see anything but the dark, and yeah, the thought of going into the light can be scary.

I PROMISE you that you are still smart. You are still a wonderful human being. Unfortunately ADHD makes it difficult to see that in ourselves. I still struggle.

I'm sorry that the people in your life previously broke you down so hard. People like that suck. I want you to know that should you need a friend, I am here. You're part of a wonderful community now my friend. We stick with eachother.

Life does get better. It's difficult and sometimes painful, but it does get better. We feel things so strongly, that sometimes it doesn't feel like anything is worth it.

I would suggest trying to find counselling though, ADHD increases our chances of depression and anxiety as a comorbid condition. It's also okay if medication hasn't helped you, everyone is different.

If you have any questions about ADHD please feel free to ask them! I will always help find an answer (and give sources so I'm not a big fat liar haha).

You can do this. I promise you. Don't give up. You're still young. You have people that care about you. You will get through this.

#tw: depression #adhd #adult adhd #adhd problems #depression #anxiety #ask #answered

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

#asks #jaeismytamtation