#I've been under a lot of work stress lately lmao and I've been having a lot of weird dreams

[ventiswampwater]

invasive

bo sinclair x afab!reader

rating: explicit

wordcount: 941 

Reader POV. Your dreams take you to different places, but you’re never too far out of reach. 

EXTREMELY dubious consent as always. Mostly weird prose, but there’s some smut thrown in here as well. Somnophilia, cockwarming. 

A/N: It’s been raining for nearly a week straight where I am. Every single day has been grey. This idea burrowed into my brain and now I’m inflicting it upon you. Similar vibes to poacher’s dream. I just...really wanted to write something that reminded me of the feeling I was trying to capture with that fic. Somnophilia’s been on my mind ever since I read this absolutely electric fic by our lord and savior, @visceravalentines​. Definitely go read it if you haven’t already. It features a lovely man who is not at all like the one in this fic. We should all make out with him instead, probably. We won’t.

You’re lost in a quagmire of green, knee-deep in muck.

You’re running from something, but you aren’t sure what. You feel like it must be close. You can hear crashing, the sloshing of something at your heels. The water is dark here, it’s deep. You need to watch where you’re going, but you won’t. It feels familiar.

Maybe, if you push a little further, you’ll reach the edge of the marshland.

The trees crowd around each other, their bulbous trunks bursting out of thick green algae. It’s so dense here, impossibly heavy with warmth. It soaks through your clothes, bleeds under your skin. If someone sliced you open and cracked your bones apart, you’re sure you'd flare hot. Chalky white and exposed, scattering chunks of marrow over the swamp. 

Things end up here when they have nowhere left to go. They get caught in the hanging moss and become part of the scenery. 

You’ll make a mess of this place, but it won’t matter. There are animals here, bigger than you, and they’ve been waiting. You couldn’t ever run very fast. These kinds of games are about losing.

It wasn’t behind you, anyway. It caught your ankle underwater and pulled you down, tumbled you underneath its weight. You’re spinning wildly, rolling and churning, filling your lungs with water (but it’s so hot here, and you like that stuff).

It’ll play with its food until your neck snaps. Trailing blood in the water, dragging you back to a den squashed in the mangroves. A place of dead things, hobbled together out of reeds and a dozen people’s bones. You wonder if they sparked like yours, if they’re kindling too.

Your body is perched on top of a waterlogged tire and hid away until it starts to rot. It makes it easier to eat when it’s soft like that, when the botflies come. Practical things are sometimes the cruelest.

God, you’ve never been anywhere this hot.

You wake up with your face pressed into the pillow, huffing out shallow breaths. The room is bathed in pale light, milky grey with the faintest wash of blue.

The grey disorients you. There was so much light before. You blink a bit in the gloom. Water is still rushing away above you, beside you. It’s impossible to tell what time it is or how long you’ve been asleep. It feels like forever. You lived and you died long before you were spat out here.

Out of the heat of your dream, you’re surprised to feel your skin prickle with goosebumps. You must have thrown the sheets off in your sleep. The position you’re in feels unnatural, one leg hoisted away from you. It rests on something solid, something warmer than this room.

You feel so full (of water, of bugs in your belly eating away the soft tissue, of life).

Stop, look at the window. You’re not underwater. It’s raining, dripping tears down the glass. You’re awake again and the fullness is the pressure between your legs.  

Bo’s hand cups at your breast, jiggling the flesh to test its weight in his palm. He catches your nipple between his fingers, tugs at it. When he rolls his hips, you let out a soft little noise, mouthing at the pillowcase. His cock pulses inside you, thick and warm. 

He’s already so deep.

“Couldn’t help myself.” He murmurs into your ear. “Not with you movin’ round like that.”

His hand wraps around your thigh, easing you down. You let out a whine as you feel your walls stretch around him. He hisses out a breath, digging his fingers into your skin.

“You’re so wet, baby.” His voice is husky, the rasp of sleep still thick around his words. You can feel how slick you are, how easy it is for him to push in. “What were you dreamin’ ‘bout?”

“You.” You’re not lying, not exactly. He doesn’t need to know the specifics.

It’s the right answer, or, at least, the one he was expecting. You’re never really sure with him. It doesn’t matter, really. Your dream is getting away from you now, chased away by his hands and his lips and his cock. You were somewhere. He was there. You remember heat, you remember weight. 

(Or maybe that’s all there is now and you’re getting things confused.)

“Thought you were tryin’ to kill me, baby.” He nips along your neck. You clench down around him, moaning into the pillow. “Asleep, squeezin’ me like that.”

Good, you almost say. If I wrap myself around you enough times, you can’t breathe. Neither can I, but I only need to do it once. 

People get rid of snakes, throw them off into the swamp. They’re not supposed to be there. But this looks enough like their idea of home, doesn’t it? They’ll adapt or they’ll get eaten, and that’s all you could ask for. 

His breath is warm on your skin. You reach back, your fingers curling into his hair. 

“You ready to stop teasin’ me?”

(I couldn’t stomach you if I did. I’m not supposed to be here, anyway.)

You almost ask him if he had the same dream. Was it hard, waiting for the rot to set in? Waiting for softness? Did you taste better like that? Would he do it again if you asked him to? Could you return the favor?

Your hand tightens in his hair, giving it a sharp tug. His teeth are on your neck and it hurts in the way it’s supposed to hurt—scorching away inside you.

You’ve never been anywhere that hot, but maybe he has. Maybe he’ll take you there.

“Yes.”

#something something burmese pythons swallowing alligators whole in the everglades something something invasive species something something #house of wax #bo sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #slashers x reader #slasher fandom #x reader #my fics #I've been under a lot of work stress lately lmao and I've been having a lot of weird dreams #bingo bongo himself featured in two of them. for the first time ever surprisingly. #u would think w/the amount of space I give him in my mind palace I'd have dreamed of him already but nope #my brain summoning this hick like. BITCH!! shut tf up about work for two seconds and look @ this jdshjhfdjjhfdj #peanut brain PEANUT BRAIN this week #so it felt fitting to write somethin weird n dreamy (nightmarish) w/him. idk #it's the vibe on this accursed day #this is...............somethin. idk what. but it's somethin.

[dreamtuna]

Laid Bare By Moonlight

It's finally done, I've slain the beast. And I'm pretty happy with it. This is a piece I've been working on for a while now and I just kept editing it over and over. But I'm finally letting it out. I'm a bit nervous about this one lmao but I enjoyed writing this a lot and I hope you guys enjoy it too! And yeah I'll probably write a sequel because I want to know what happens next. Attack on Titan - Levi x fem!Reader, Levi x Unknown Woman smut, afab!Reader, listening through wall (without their knowledge), masturbation, jealousy, slight obsession tbh, walked in on/caught in the act, but okay with it! pretty enthusiastic about it honestly, shame, praise, begging, oral (fem receiving), Reader is a bit of a subby mess and she loves it, very brief mentions of threesome and cum eating fantasies Word Count: 4.9k On a sleepless moonlit night you don't expect to be kept awake by your Captain, but this is what happens when you forget to lock your door.

The darkness wrapped around you but sleep refused to come. No matter how hard you tossed and turned, there was no comfort and there was no rest, that much was clear. The frustration pooled in your body. You were exhausted, body weary from pushing extra hard in training lately. It was tough these days to think of much else except for your chronic underperformance. And now the stress of it all was eating away at your sleep. It seemed to have become a self feeding monster.

You threw your legs out of bed and walked across the room to the window. The moonlight had been bleeding through the thin curtains anyway, so you felt you might as well enjoy it fully if sleep wasn’t going to come and take you away. You pulled them back to bathe the room in it.

You returned to your bed, eyes drifting across the room at the empty one directly opposite. Most people envied you, having a room to yourself. You had the freedom to make a mess, the freedom to stay up late if needed, the freedom to have night time visits. But your room was spotless, you were usually in bed at a decent time and you hadn’t had a single partner since you joined the regiment. You’d just been too busy, too preoccupied with putting everything into this and proving you could do it.

Now look where that had landed you: alone in the middle of the night, insomnia gripping you by the throat and refusing to let go.

You heard a door open as the occupant of the next room returned for the night. It was rare to hear considering he would usually choose to sleep at his desk instead of in his bed. But sleep was never the purpose.

A light, floaty giggle travelled through the walls. Yeah, there it was. The stress relief. Captain Levi was not alone.

Now you were alone with your thoughts and the hushed excitement of some girl next door, muffled sounds drifting through the wall. Was that his boots being removed? Was that her body on the bed? Was that his on top of her? You couldn’t help it, your mind began to wander. Sitting with your back against the wall, you closed your eyes and listened.

Maybe you should’ve picked the other bed when you took this room.

You knew this was wrong. Only a wall separated you. You couldn’t hear much, but you could hear enough. You could hear the bed strain under their joint weight as they moved into positions you could only imagine. You could hear her moan loud and sudden as he, most likely, inserted himself into her, wasting no time. You could hear Levi hush her harshly, cutting off the objections which followed in what you could only imagine must be a rough kiss. And you could feel your hands drifting down your body as your lips opened in a silent gasp, your back arching slightly off the wall, imagining him slick with her excitement as he thrust in and out of her, as your fingertips danced over your light sleepwear.

You knew this was wrong. He was your Captain. But you had been attracted to him for as long as you knew of his existence, overflowing with excitement when you were picked to train under him. And as you heard the bed groan rhythmically under his thrusts you couldn’t help but crave being under him right now, a toxin beginning to flow through your veins. Jealousy clouded your judgement and your fingers worked their way under the waistband of your shorts.

You gingerly reached for your warmth, almost scared of what you might find, as if you weren’t already aware of how turned on you were. Your clothing did nothing to muffle the obscene noises your fingers made as you ran them up and down your slit, playing with your wetness before swirling them over your clit. Your back arched further as you touched the bundle of nerves, your desire and jealousy intertwining dangerously as you heard this faceless girl taking what you wanted. Biting down to suppress the building dark pleasure that wanted to rise out of your throat, you listened intently as the object of your desires gave her everything that should have been yours.

You almost scoffed. You were just another cadet to him. A promising one, sure, that’s why you had been picked to work under him, but just a cadet in his eyes nonetheless. He didn’t seem the type to mix business and pleasure, instead opting for these infrequent meetings with nameless women he likely never thought about again.

You wanted to be one of them so badly.

The cool night air caressed you, a much welcome feeling as your body began to heat up. Your free hand snaked up your stomach, pushing your t-shirt up to expose your breasts. You squeezed, pinching your nipple as you heard her cry out next door. She was getting close. Even to you it was obvious. The Captain had given up on hushing her but she seemed muffled. You thought about his firm hand clamped over her mouth, scowling down at her as he drove her closer and closer to climax.

It was too much. You needed more.

In a sudden movement you pulled your shorts off completely. Desperation overtook you, throwing yourself down on the bed, imagining his hands pushing you down, holding you in place. He would grab your legs, pushing your knees into your chest and exposing you completely… all for him. Much like she probably was right now. You pinched your nipple harshly, your pussy tingling as the dark wave of envy consumed you. Finally, you pressed first one finger, then a second, into your eager hole.

You had barely inserted the second when you realised the loud groan of pleasure you were hearing was actually coming from you.

You froze. Surely you hadn’t been that loud. It just seemed loud because you were the one who did it, right? The bed continued slamming into the wall separating you and you let out the breath you didn’t realise you had been holding. Deciding you were safe, you began to move your fingers in and out. Slowly, you savoured the feeling, the pleasant intrusion taking but a moment to get used to. You tried to match the rhythm of the bed next door, but it felt entirely insufficient. All you could think about was Levi’s cock driving in and out of her, coated in her wetness. A desperate part of you wanted so badly to be on your knees, watching them up close. You would wait patiently, mouth open like he expected of you, tongue ready to clean them both up. You wouldn’t resist when he’d pull out and push your face into her, commanding you to lick every last drop of his cum from inside of her. You wanted to do anything to please him.

The moonlight covered your body, your most intimate places only just shadowed by your knees pressed to your chest. It felt good, like you were in some kind of spotlight just for him. You writhed and you could no longer control your moans as they rose above your audible wetness. Sure, you had heard the Captain fuck once or twice before. It was a rare occurrence and you couldn’t begrudge a man under that much stress for indulging in his desires. You would usually just roll over and try to ignore the noises and the growing damp spot in your underwear. You’d spend the whole night dreaming of him and all the things he could do to you. But you never gave into your feelings like this.

Maybe the moon is affecting me, you thought, mind wandering hazily to the idea the full moon could affect your mental state. Through clouded eyes you stared out the window into the night sky, fingers never slowing. The only thing on your mind was how your Captain would look above you in that pale light, hair stuck gently to his brow with sweat, eyes an almost ghostly silver. In that moment you were convinced there could not be anything more magnificent.

Suddenly you snapped back to reality. The room next door was quiet now. Had you missed the end of the show? Whatever the case was, you still had your own needs to attend to. Unlike her, you didn’t have anyone to deliver you an orgasm on a silver platter. The more you thought about how you’d missed out on him slamming deep inside her, releasing with a grunt as her insides pulsed and milked him, the closer you got to falling off the edge of that cliff.

A moan tore from your throat, masking a faint sound you couldn’t quite place in the back of your mind. That was until you heard your door close a moment later. You gasped, freezing in place, vulnerable and exposed on your back with your legs in the air, fingers curled inside your entrance, hand barely covering your chest.

“You should really lock the door.”

Your body went ice cold. That voice. No, it couldn’t be. You were too anxious to move or cover yourself. You were too anxious to even look towards the door and confirm your fears. You didn’t understand what was going on. Blushing a furious shade of red - thankfully not very visible in the moonlight - you reluctantly tore your eyes away from the window, slowly turning to gaze across the room.

After a moment, the voice spoke again. “Do you want me to leave?” No, your mind pleaded, don’t leave. But you couldn’t respond. “I can leave and we pretend this never happened.”

Finally your eyes fell directly on him. Levi stood there, face unreadable in the shadows. But he was clearly staring straight at you. Embarrassment flooded your entire being at the thought of being seen like this, especially by him. You could no longer even form words in your panicked mind.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked again. His voice was gentle, wrapping around you seductively.

Your voice shook, but you managed to get out a quiet “no”. You cleared your throat and repeated yourself as strongly as you could. “Stay,” you pleaded, voice thick with desire, knowing it was your lust speaking but it didn’t change the fact that this was something you craved so deeply.

He seemed satisfied with this and walked slowly across the room until he stood above you. He placed one hand softly on your knee, stroking back and forth across your bare skin as he stared down at you. You couldn’t see his expression like this, but he could see almost all of you. Ironically, only your lewd position saved you from exposing everything to him.

“Don’t stop,” he told you.

You blinked up at him. “W-what?”

Levi leaned forwards, placing his hands on the bed either side of your face. Your breath caught in your throat.

“I said don’t stop.”

With a start you realised what he meant. Inhaling sharply, you began working your fingers inside you again. You felt your cheeks heat up instantly at the sound of your fingers plunging into you. You wanted to look away from him, but he was watching you so intently it felt wrong not to hold his gaze. He’d caught you at your most vulnerable, and your desperation was clawing at you to get out. You wanted to please him. Your mouth opened slightly as your breathing picked up and the slightest smirk appeared on his features.

“You think I didn’t hear you moan before?” he said quietly. His voice held something in it that you couldn’t quite identify now, but it wasn’t malicious or menacing. It was stern, the type of voice that demanded respect, but yet it had that same warm edge to it as you’d heard when he first came in. “Can’t believe you’ve been lying here getting off listening to me fuck.”

You gasped at hearing it said out loud, the way he practically spat the word at you, your face flushing even deeper. You had to look away from him now. You couldn’t handle the shame as it washed over you as you felt yourself getting wetter with every word. You were even beginning to whimper now, the feelings intensifying with his warmth just above you.

He grabbed your chin, turning you to face him once again. Your eyes locked. There was a power in that gaze that you couldn’t resist, one that had you tumbling down and down into him, ready to give him everything as you had dreamed of for so long. And you knew, when you were consumed by those eyes, that he would gladly take everything you had to offer.

“What do you want?” he asked you, but you had no way of answering that. Your mind was going blank again as the pleasure rose. You knew if you opened your mouth now it would be an incoherent pleading. You had just enough dignity left to want to avoid that. Barely.

He pulled back, his hand returning to your knee to stroke it softly. You moaned at the sudden contact, fingers jerking inside you. You couldn’t believe you were behaving this way at even the lightest of touches. It was pathetic. Your insides squeezed tightly around your fingers. Your skin was on fire, desperate to feel him against you.

“Tell me what you want.”

It was no longer a question. It was not a request.

With great difficulty, you swallowed hard. Closing your eyes you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. Everything felt crazy, like this was just some super vivid dream. It had to be. But his touch felt so real. His skin was rough against yours, neatly trimmed nails barely grazing against you from time to time.

Eventually, you managed to answer him in the smallest voice. “Please touch me.”

He didn’t need telling twice. Instantly he shifted, moving to sit on the bed between your legs, angling himself so he could appreciate your body in the light. Instincts kicked in and you began to squeeze your legs shut, shame threatening to overcome you, but his hands gripped your knees, firmly. Levi spread your legs and gazed down at your half naked body, eyes roaming you hungrily from your breasts right down to where your fingers still toyed with your juices.

In the moonlight you could see now his hair was mussed, the tips lightly dampened from the sweat of his previous exertions. The sheen of sweat was mostly gone, but you felt that bitter jealousy rising throughout you at the way his skin glistened, making him look ethereal. He’d pulled a shirt on, the top few buttons undone, his collarbones enticing you. You didn’t even notice as your tongue darted out to wet your lips at the sight of them, your hunger to cover them with a bouquet of nips and kisses growing.

You realised he must have literally finished with her, dressed and come straight through to you. The thought made your stomach flutter, an odd mixture between indignation and a deep dark pride at being next on his list tonight. Vaguely, your mind wandered to thinking about whether this was something he regularly did.

Levi ran his hands over your legs, jolting you out of your thoughts, holding them open so he could enjoy the show you were putting on for him. There was something intoxicating about the way he watched your fingers work. He stared intently at the glistening digits as they withdrew from within you, the light barely catching them now your knees were being held out of the way. He sat quietly like this for a moment. The only sound between you was your light panting and your own juices, almost deafening in the silence.

He leaned forward between your legs, sliding his hands up your thighs and onto your stomach before cupping your breasts. He squeezed gently, a warm strength wrapping around you, toying with your nipple ever so lightly. He worked his way down, planting the lightest kiss on your stomach. His body intermittently touched against your hand. You wondered if that was deliberate, your fingers pushing deeper inside you whenever he did.

You couldn’t hold back your thoughts any longer. “What happened with her?” you asked in a hoarse voice.

Levi paused, face hovering above your stomach. He looked up at you, sharp eyes connecting with yours. His eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“I told her to leave.”

He said it like it was so simple, so obvious. Is that why you hadn’t heard anything? He’d just stopped? Or did he mean he had finished and immediately dismissed her? He watched you, eyes narrowing as he realised you were still digesting his words.

He sighed. “After I heard you she just didn’t feel the same to me anymore.” After a long pause he asked, “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

You shook your head. You felt weird, but you weren’t exactly uncomfortable with it. Had you somehow stolen him away from her? All you were doing was masturbating to the sound of your Captain slamming his hips into a mystery woman without his knowledge when you may have let out a loud moan - what was so wrong with that? Well, it sounded kinda messed up when you put it that way. The whole thing was messed up, what with him appearing in your door. Your head was still reeling from it. A part of you said you should’ve shooed him away instantly, but the way his hands played with your tits was melting away any lingering doubt you may have had. You had wanted him so much, and now here he was. Were you really going to squander this chance? His lips pressing against your stomach again had you forgetting all about what was okay and what wasn’t. You pushed your stomach up towards him, craving more, moaning lightly for him.

“Ah, yeah, that’s the sound,” he whispered into your skin.

His voice sounded strained. He gave your nipple a sharp pinch, eliciting a gasp from you, and then did it again for good measure. Your nipples were starting to get so sensitive from both his pinching and the attention you had given them earlier. His weight shifted on the bed and suddenly he was leaning right over you. He pushed his body gently down onto you, staring into your eyes as he did so. You could feel his bulge through his pants as he pressed into your hand slightly.

Levi kissed you. Delicate at first, your lips touching for only a second, but it didn’t take long before you had both devolved to desperately pushing against each other. His tongue worked its way into your willing mouth, claiming you as his own. You moaned into his mouth and you swear you could feel him twitch against the back of your hand.

A thought crossed your mind. Carefully you pulled your fingers out of yourself, shifting your arm enough to grab your Captain’s cock through his pants. You stroked him gently. He nipped at your bottom lip. He was straining against his pants, his hips thrusting erratically into your hand almost as if it were a subconscious reaction to your touch. You could feel the change in his breathing as he kissed you.

Your fingers fumbled to undo his pants but with only one hand it was difficult. You started to reach down but he grasped your wrist. He promptly found your other wrist and brought them together above your head, pinning you to the bed. You whimpered. This was starting to feel a lot like your fantasies.

He pulled back from your lips for a moment. In the moonlight you could just see the glint of his steely eyes as he looked at you. Without a word he lifted himself off you, but before you could whine about losing contact you found his lips descending on your sensitive buds. Working first one nipple, then the other, lathering them with sloppy attention until his teeth lightly nipped. Levi kissed and licked your breasts, smothering them with soft, sweet sensations before adding in more sharp little bites. You moaned for him, arching your back to push your breast into his mouth. But he pushed you back down. With a loud wet kiss to each breast, he began to work his way further down your body.

You were in heaven. No one had ever made you feel this way before. No one had ever shown your body so much consideration. You’d been with others before, and some of them had attempted foreplay, but the keyword there was “attempted”. After a while it all just devolved into grunting into one another and hoping their motions would be enough to satisfy you. They never were. But this was different. Levi hadn’t even taken his clothes off yet and you felt close to the edge of something huge that had you gripping the covers in anticipation as you moaned for him. You knew the second his lips made their way lower there was a good chance you would just shatter into pieces underneath him.

His lips trailed soft kisses along your hips. You were still in disbelief at what was happening, but oh God did you believe it when you threw your head back and moaned his name as his lips descended on your clit. He immediately felt the way you were quivering and pulled back.

“Not yet,” he told you, firmly squeezing your thighs where his hands had come to rest, holding you open for him.

You whimpered, but that stern warmth of his voice had you willing to do your best for him, wrapping around and pulling you into submission.

You glanced up from your pillow. You could see his eyes looking up at you, awaiting confirmation of your obedience. You nodded in understanding and he kissed your mound.

“Good girl,” he whispered, sending jolts of electricity up through your body until they pierced your soul.

Knowing how sensitive you were, Levi was very careful with his touch. He pressed his forearm under your thighs, pressing your knees into your chest. You’d had your legs in the air so long they were beginning to ache, but there wasn’t a chance in hell you were about to complain. Especially not as his other hand made its way to take over for your earlier incomplete job. His fingers ran up and down your slit, admiring the way they would glide over you with how wet you were for him. Not messing around, he inserted two fingers straight into you and was instantly rewarded with you tightening around them, a whimper escaping you.

His lips came back down on your clit, sucking and licking at the bundle of nerves as his fingers began to pump in and out of you. He wasn’t gentle, but there was a certain care in his actions that made you feel safe. Maybe it was just your desire to orgasm tricking you into feeling that way. It really didn’t matter all that much to you what it was, it just felt good.

Levi enjoyed the way you whimpered for him. He wanted more of it until he was drowning in the sweet sounds you were making for him. But he could feel you reaching your limit. You were trying so hard to hold on for him. He could feel it in the way you tensed. He could hear it in how obnoxiously loud your pussy was. He pulled his fingers out of you slowly, savouring the way they glistened with your juices in the moonlight. He licked them clean, eyes closing as your flavour engulfed him.

When he was done his lips were wet with the taste of you.

“You’re being such a good girl for me,” he praised you, fingers working their way back inside. This time he got to feel that jolt of electricity those two words sent through you as you clenched around him. “Yeah, you want more of that?”

You whimpered louder now. The desperation was clear. You didn’t need to nod for him to know, but seeing the way you frantically bobbed your head up and down had a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The control he had over your pleasure was intoxicating.

“I can’t hear you. Do you want to cum or not?”

He lightly swatted at your ass. You groaned loudly, feeling your dignity slipping away with each second. You felt yourself almost lose it and immediately, despite the fog of arousal, it was clear in your head what you wanted.

You mumbled something.

“Hmm?”

“Please… Want to cum…”

“Tch, that’s no way to ask for what you want.” His fingers arched up inside you briefly, hitting that sensitive spot for the first time. It felt like your whole body jerked upwards as you cried out.

“Please, Captain…” You sobbed slightly now, your dignity all but gone now. If you could only actually get the words out.

He seemed pleased with your efforts, stroking that sweet spot again as a reward. It was too much. You were going to cum either way, you might as well please him at the same time.

“Please, Captain, oh fuck. Please let me cum.” You choked back a sob. “Please, I can’t hold it. Please.”

A low groan rolled out of him. For a second the rhythm of his fingers faltered in you. He wasn’t expecting your begging to be that sweet, but oh how he adored it. He placed a sloppy kiss on your clit, enjoying the sharp gasp it drew from you.

“Cum for me,” he whispered, words ghosting over the bundle of nerves. “Cum for your Captain.”

His tongue danced around you, fingers now pressing relentlessly into that sweet spot no one else had ever found. He sucked noisily on you, alternating between suction and sweet kisses and lapping tongue. It was driving you insane and within seconds of this assault you were falling apart beneath him, your moans so loud, so beautiful, that there was no way half the barracks hadn’t heard you this time. You pulsated around his fingers as they found their home deep inside you, playing with the nerves inside that made your body tremble beneath him.

When you had finally reduced to a whimpering mess he withdrew from you. He sat back and looked at his hand, covered in your love.

“Oi, look at me and open your mouth,” he ordered and through your hazy brain you obeyed without question.

Levi shoved his hand at your face. You got the message and eagerly took his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking him clean almost hungrily in a way that made his cock throb in his pants. You were so far gone at this point, your inner desires carrying you now. You would do so much for this man if he only asked it of you. He made you weak, and after that you knew he could make you feel better than anything else in this world.

You so desperately wanted to hear him call you a good girl again.

He pulled his hand back and, much to your surprise, he lay down next to you. He pulled you into his arms, resting your head against his chest. You were stunned, letting him manipulate your body however he wanted.

“You did so well,” he whispered into your ear, kissing your hair gently. “Rest.”

“But you haven’t cum,” you blurted out, fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt not really knowing what to think or feel right now.

His sweet chuckle only made you more confused. A noise you never thought you’d hear from him of all people. But there it was, followed by yet another brief kiss to your hair.

“Rest,” he repeated. “You can look after me when you get your breath back.”

After a moment the tensions in your body eased and you let yourself get comfortable in his arms. You couldn’t get it out of your mind how uncomfortable he must be having had no relief, but his thumb was making soothing sweeps across your bare back, your top still pulled up above your breasts so that your nipples grazed against the fabric of his shirt. Your hips were gently touching. His warmth was engulfing you.

The more he held you and gently pet you the more you found yourself sinking into that sleep you so desperately desired before all this started. You were a complete mess, heart only just coming under control, head swirling with endless thoughts about what had just happened. You decided to take up his offer of rest for just a while longer, trying desperately to remove all those doubts that were creeping back up from your mind.

Because in that moment, none of that mattered. The only things that mattered were his warmth and his gentle breathing beside you. The way his thumbs continued rubbing your bare back, soothing you endlessly. The way his bulge rubbed gently against you. It wouldn’t take long before he’d have you on your knees taking care of him, you were sure of it, but for now you could just melt into his body. His lips grazed against your hair again and you gripped onto his shirt a little tighter, sighing happily, stress and anxiety easing in your heart, even if just for a little while.

#ah FUCK i'm so happy to post this #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman smut #attack on titan smut #n.sfw #dream writes #dream writes: oneshot

[nipuni]

Time for an old school blog post, Hello!

Just various updates about life and shows and clothes and some photos! Adding a read more cut because I talk too much 😊

Happy equinox everyone!! The mild weather has been wonderful for daily park walks. We have been taking our meals outside as often as we can to make the most of it before summer scorches the land and all life. The longer days allow for a lot more wandering too but the imminent return of the heat is also making the longing to move up north worse by the day. We miss the choppy ocean and seaside cliffs 😭 We love the silence and the rain and the nippy sea breeze!! it's like being suspended in early spring for half the year and a rainy autumn the other half, Ideal if you don't mind humidity, but that's what wellies and flat caps are for. We have been looking for properties to rent to show up everyday so for now we lie in wait.

Speaking of nature, a few months ago we discovered a free app called Plantnet that you use to take and upload photos of plants, trees, flowers and it will identify them for you. You keep a log with their locations and can share them too to help contribute to each local biodiversity database. It feels like a pokedex for plants. There are many apps like this one to choose from too. It's been so fun learning what all these plants are called and memorizing them! I recommend it, is like a little educational side quest to take on while stretching your legs and getting some fresh air. This is not an ad I promise lmao I just think it's neat! kind of sad feeling the need to clarify that.

This weather is also making me want to start making outfit posts again! It's been so long since I made any!! my winter wardrobe is mostly long wool coats or capes and boots so the inspiration wasn't there but now I'm ready to pull out all my stuff back from under my bed storage and experiment again 👏 I've also been meaning to share some of Nicolas outfits for ages too so there is more variety, could be fun!

Speaking of clothes, lately I've grown more and more frustrated with how poorly most clothes fit me to the point where I'm considering learning how to make them from scratch. I usually have to take in the tops and hem the bottoms but most things I try on are just built weird even if I fix the size, or maybe I'm built weird! I think it may be both. Nicolas also said he would love to learn along with me so we will probably embark on that adventure soon. OH and on a short tangent, I got myself a sort of binder-like top that flattens the chest a bit and I'm loving it! I'm very flat already but what little bust I do have has always bothered me when I dress and I've found I feel a lot more comfortable in this type of top. I'm glad I tried it out so if you feel similarly you may want to give it a go too, see how it feels!

On the media side of things we have also been watching more of David Tennant's work. We are still very much in love with him to an embarrassing degree, you can probably tell if you follow me anywhere, my likes on twitter alone give me away alksjdf and Nicolas isn't any better! if he used social media his would look the same lmao.

Since my last report we have watched and absolutely LOVED "There She Goes" we already want to watch it again honestly. The family dynamics for all his characters are always so real and refreshing!! Their relationship with their wives especially are always so believable in every series we've seen, the comfort and camaraderie, the banter and just friendship! You can tell they enjoy each other's company, it feels true. I love it so much!!

We also watched "Inside man" which was..a very stressful mess but David was incredible as always, also very hot and very pitiful which is always great, and Stanley Tucci was on it! so that's also fun.

Then we rewatched season one of Good Omens and the first 4 seasons of Doctor Who, with all the extra content like the Confidentials, deleted scenes, video diaries and more, they are just so good!! our list of favourite episodes keeps growing, season four is incredible, we are loving all these seasons even more the second time around!! Now we are probably going to start watching either Classic Who or Torchwood, along with more of David's work. We were trying to pick what to watch during dinner the other day and Nicolas was like 'damn, David is not in this though, I miss him' and lmao same so now we just watch one show without him and one with him right after to cope 😂

OH we have also been doing more historical reenactment! Since the last one in the 20's we jumped back to Regency times. We have been putting our outfits together for a ball soon and hopefully another one in autumn in the UK 😊 1800 is the farthest back in time we've been yet so it's been fun doing research, finding pieces and learning the dances in class but also very hectic. I'll share more about this soon!

Then we also have a couple of 1900 events coming soon, so I'll be sharing more Edwardian looks as well, our favourite era!!

Anyway I think that's all for now, thanks for reading to whoever is doing so!! I know this is long and not a popular blogging format anymore but I enjoy it a lot, maybe some of you do too 🥰 I will reply to some messages soon, I'm so sorry I'm so bad at keeping up with those!! I've read them all and cherish every word 🥺 Thank you for supporting my art and shenanigans as always!! I hope you have a great week!!

#personal #nips photos #DW report #of sorts tho I should swap to DT report at this point lmao #I may need a blogging tag so let's just do #Nips blogs #that should suffice

[punkeccentricenigma]

Can I pretty please request the rise boys having a significant other that knows how to mimic their comfort characters voices? Like a voice impressionist <333

Rise!Boys with Reader, who can mimic voices.

Relationship status: Romantic

Reader prounouns: They/Them

TW: Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language, Handling stress in an unhealthy way in the parts with Raph and Leo

A/N:

I'm sorry for the long wait! Lately, I've been under a lot of stress, and I tend to overthink to the point that, while writing, I also translate text, watch YouTube, and anime to replace my thoughts with something better. I apologize again! And I'm sorry if these headcanons suck! And don't worry, I'll fulfill all orders! I won't forget any of them! Please be patient!

Leonardo

◇Let's be honest, after the Kraang invasion, he's traumatized, or at least has many moments of weakness where he needs comfort.

◇During those times, he often immerses himself in various comics or shows to forget what happened.

◇So one day, as he slowly began to stress over memories and didn't have access to the aforementioned things, you stepped in.

◇It's not like Leo didn't know your skills; he heard often and even insisted that you imitate his brothers to make fun of them.

◇Which kind of annoyed Donatello a bit; he didn't like being mocked that way.

◇Anyway, you started by imitating Jupiter Jim's voice, knowing he's one of the boy's parental figures.

"My boy! Don't give up yet! Furry creatures are attacking our base!"

◇Expect a shocked face, and then a wide smile.

"You didn't tell me you could imitate these type of voices!!"

◇He was really impressed.

◇After that, you just started role-playing for fun because why not? Lmao

◇Thanks to that, the boy felt much better <33

Raphael

◇Let's not kid ourselves, Raph didn't handle stress very well when he was the leader of the Mad Dogs.

◇He just didn't want to let his brothers down! His father! April, or definitely you! He wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to you because of his incompetence.

◇That's why he often buried all those negative emotions deep within himself to replace them with fake joy or a smile.

◇But since you've been in a relationship with him for some time, and you've known him even longer, you knew something was bothering him.

◇So you often tried to talk to him about it, but the response was always the same.

"Oh, I'm fine! Really, you don't have to worry about me."

◇You didn't want to give up, but was there any way out of this situation? What could you do? You decided to take a break from it.

◇Finally, it came to a boiling point when you started playing Jenga in his room.

◇During the game, you could feel the scent of stress coming from him. You should get him deodorant sometime... Do deodorants work on reptiles??

◇In the end, Raphael lost, but he reacted differently than usual. He wasn't sulky, he wasn't embarrassed, and fired up for the next round... he was aggressive.

◇And he scattered the remaining blocks around his room, cursing.

"Screw this, I've had enough!"

◇You immediately reacted, calling his name in a firm tone.

"Raph! What are you doing!? It's just a game!"

◇He looked at you with a stunningly negative expression, accentuated by furrowed brow bones, and then all of that turned into a suffocating sight of sadness, with transparent tears soaking the red mask. He cracked; he finally cracked.

◇In a slow voice, he began to apologize, burying his head in shame between his spiky arms.

◇Finally, you started talking about what was bothering him, accompanied by his crying at some words. You tried to listen to him, hug him, comfort him with kind words, but you felt that in this situation, it might be too little, much too little.

◇So you looked around, and a risky but interesting idea came to your mind.

◇After a moment of searching through Raph's drawers, you stood in front of him in a proud pose, wearing on your wrists the distinctive spiked bracelets that were definitely too big for you.

"What are you doing?" Raphael asked in a sluggish tone, tilting his head slightly to the side. Emotionally, he had no strength for anything; he just wanted to sleep. [Y.N] had a satisfying smile on their lips.

"Hear this! I will kidnap Peach OVER and OVER until I pull it off! And no one can stop me! Losing is not an option! And neither is giving up!"

◇On his face, just like Leo, a painted shock appeared. You never boasted about being able to imitate voices! Amazing.

◇He's genuinely thrilled with this discovery.

"Oh, here you are, princess! Accept my love, or I'll kidnap you and lock you in my fortress forever!"

◇A genuine laugh escaped from the boy's lips, causing a blush of satisfaction on your face. Even though Bowser was Raphael's favorite comfort character, Peach was second, so why not play out such a scene?

◇And so, for the rest of the evening, you chased each other around the Lair, playing your roles, and incidentally involving the others in the fun.

◇Raph felt at least momentarily free from unhealthy stress, and he's grateful to you for that.

Donatello

◇"Oh fuck, damn it, I'm about to smash this thing--!"

◇Yes, this string of curses was uttered by none other than the teenage genius Donatello Hamato. And why? It's simple; he was trying to improve one of his battle shells, but for the past few hours, he couldn't get anything done.

◇His mind was exhausted, and his three-fingered hands ached every time he took one of his screwdrivers. He couldn't take it anymore!

◇Finally, Mikey suggested he take a break from it all, so Donnie put on his favorite purple hoodie and left the house. Where could he go? Simple.

"Oh, hey D, what's up?" [Y.N]'s voice echoed through their room as they noticed the window opening out of the corner of their eye. Soft-shell didn't respond, and if anything, he snorted softly as he closed the entrance and sat down next to the teenager who was currently sitting on the floor, leaning against their bed while watching an anime he wasn't familiar with yet. "Everything okay?" They asked, this time giving theri full attention to the boy next to them. His face indicated negative emotions, which worried [Y.N.] a bit.

"Not really." that's all that came out of the boy's mouth as he tucked his hands into his pockets and rested his head on their shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know."

◇Now you were quite worried about your boyfriend. Something must have happened, and Donnie needed comfort.

◇You suggested rewatching his favorite series where Atomic Lass appeared, and the boy agreed.

◇You knew that this character was his childhood idol, and knowing from your experiences, every child would want to hear something nice from their favorite character, so you decided to take a risk.

"You can do it, Donnie!"

◇You felt the boy shudder, and he immediately pulled away to look at you with disbelief written on those artificial eyebrows. He had known about your skills for a long time, but usually, they were used for ordinary jokes.

◇You smiled slightly, leaning closer to the turtle.

"Now, will you tell me what happened?"

◇And miraculously, it worked. Your boyfriend struggled a bit, but he finally shared what was bothering him, allowing you to support him.

◇And then there was fun with voice imitations again.

"Oh, oh! Do Dio! Or Gojo!"

Michelangelo

◇Mikey knew from the very beginning of your relationship that you had excellent voice imitation skills.

◇He even used that (with your permission, of course) to dub his webcomics!

◇However, other than that, you didn't use this skill until now.

◇Because your boyfriend was going through a slight breakdown related to drawing, specifically facing an art block.

◇So when he once again threw his pencil and started acting like a sulking child over the lack of a lollipop, you decided to step in.

◇Knowing that one of his comfort characters is Yatora Yaguchi, you decided to imitate him right then.

"Give yourself some time, Mikey!"

◇He looked at you slightly surprised from behind his shoulders, and a moment later, he smiled warmly.

◇Honestly, comforting Mikey is the easiest thing, so after a while, he took a break to spend time with you.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise donnie x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x y/n #rottmnt x you #rise leo x reader #rise mikey x reader #rise raph x reader #rottmnt x reader #headcanons

[hotxcheeto]

hi nevy!! when you have the chance, could u please do a chloe price X AFAB reader where the reader had a really stressed day and texts chloe to come over to their house/dorm late at night? just to be comforted. u can include soft & loving smut if you want! (as well as massages😅). thank you so much. p.s i love you & ur page.

━ 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Chloe Price x Fem!Reader

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, smut, extreme amounts of fluff, fingering ( r! receiving ), pet names, massages and vanilla lotion?, mentions of stress and having a rough day, top!chloe, bottom!reader

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - so sorry for taking so long I thought I lost the request but it just wasn't showing up lmao but here it is! ily and I did see that anon message you sent me to change it up! ty so much and ily ty for reading!

REBLOGS ARE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED

Everything that could've gone wrong, had and everything you needed to do had been done in the worst ways possible.

You couldn't wait to sleep as you clicked open your dorm room door, making it slam behind you hurrying to change into your sleep shorts and shirt praying that you could forget the day and tomorrow would be much better.

You soon collapsed onto your little twin bed and letting your bag fall to the floor. Your books spilling out onto your rug but you could care less as you shoved your face into your comforter.

As the minutes passed your phone vibrated again and again, hand slamming down on the screen before pulling it over to just take a little look.

And the screen turned on displaying at least five messages from Chloe asking if you'd died on your way back and to text her that you were okay or she was breaking in.

Quickly you typed a response that explained your dilemma and threw your phone once more ignoring the vibrations that continuously came after from your concerned girlfriend.

Closing your eyes you slowly began to drift off uncaring about your uncomfortable position and that all your lights had been left on and your work scattered across the little dorm room floor. You just wanted the weekend to begin and to pretend you had nothing to do you let yourself sink into the mattress and enter dreamland.

That was until the door flew open with a hell of a lot of force and you nearly fell off the bed with a shriek. Sitting up and turning around as fast as you could thinking of something to use as a weapon until the sight of faded blue hair entered your view.

"Chloe! How the fuck did you get in here?" "Open window, some brunette chick let me in, her boyfriend was supposed to be there."

You laughed only thankful she wasn't a kidnapper nor a robber.

"And you so gracefully showed up in his place?" She nodded and moved to lay on top of you, snuggling into your neck while kicking off her shoes.

"I thought you got kidnapped my the Prescotts in order to fulfill their weekly satanic offering." "Not a chance, I'd only get them a couple of coins." She sat up and sloppily kissed your cheek staring down at your face. "I disagree hotstuff."

You'd usually throw something back, but you only stared tiredly at her, lightly kissing her nose.

"M'sorry though, I've just had a rough day." "I can help." She lifted off of you and sat up on your bed, patting the spot next to her. "C'mon I'll help you unleash some stress." You rolled your eyes but complied only to be stopped before you laid down.

"Shirt, off. Let me get a glance." She teased you causing you to feel hot under her gaze and let out a bashful chuckle. "Chloe what?" "I'm gonna help you out and make sure you relax with a nice back rub but I wanna see those titties as payment." "Chloe!"

Despite smacking her arm at the boyish comment you did want that offer of the back rub, taking your shirt off and then unhooking your bra letting it fall down your arms. Chloe helping guide it to the ground, kissing your cheeks as she stood up again

"You got any lotion?" "In the closet, the pink basket second shelf."

There was a comfortable silence between you both for a moment, hearing her ruffling around in there and getting what she wanted.

"Have you ever actually given a massage, Chloe?"

"Nope."

She came back over as you laid down, resting your head on the backs of your hands. Sinking when the bed dip once more and then the feeling of the cold lotion being squeezed onto your back and the scent of vanilla flooding your nose, mindlessly shifting around at the temperature of the lotion but nonetheless smiling at the sensation.

Her hands then began to dig into your back, light moans falling past your lips as she rubbed the knots from your back. Caressing yours shoulders as deeply as she could go without hurting you but you doubt she could it felt so damn good.

"Oh fuck.." You muttered cheek squished into the bed as she moved down your back. Palms digging into your lower back. "That feels so good Chlo.." She could tell even if you hadn't told her, the little whines and high pitched noises coming from your lips gave it away.

It ran straight through her to her core, your shorts riding up that exposed the fact that you had neglected to put on your panties when you changed from your day clothes leaving your little pink garments to begin to ride up your thighs.

"Will you do more up here?" Chloe hummed hands moving up to rub the tops of your sore shoulders from carrying your bag all day. Your ass unintentionally pushing towards her as you squirmed at the tension being rubbed away.

"That feels so fucking good."

Her hands slowly crept back down after you'd quietly asked her to return to your hips, massaging down your sore body.

Her warm hands then landed on your thighs, creeping up towards your butt, seeing you move around at the feeling. Eyes still closed and hands tucked up underneath you.

"Chloe." You muttered feeling a familiar ache entering between your legs, eyes peeling open to glance at her practically straddling you as she grabbed at your thighs. "Yeah?" "Please." You whispered.

She looked at your tired face, bending to meet her eyes and you were fully exhausted pushing your ass towards her once more.

Chloe loved to tease, loved to draw it out but something about your pretty puppy dog eyes had her weak in the knees and ready to do whatever you wanted her to, without even saying a word.

Moving her fingers up to push aside the thin and tiny crotch of the shorts over to reveal your glistening cunt. Already wet and begging for her to touch you, at least a little, just a little bit and that she did pushing forwards.

Her hand gripping one of your asscheeks giving her a better view of your pussy, wanting to tease and make you all hot and flustered. But you already were, shyly watching her run her thumb up and down your folds watching your eyes flutter shut and then open once more.

Your mouth parting as you let out a little gasp.

"How's that feel Sweetstuff?" You let out a little whine, trying to force some sort of words out to respond but you couldn't, everything felt so nice and you were just so tired but so needy for her.

"Yeah?" She laughed to herself, rubbing her fingers around your clit that tingled and ached for her, soaking up every little touch of hers.

"Chlo.. feels s'good–" You muttered still squished against the mattress, her fingers picking and her other hand pushing your asscheek farther apart getting the best angle for you as she finally pushed two fingers into your tight hole.

You moaned slightly louder at this, mouth opening further and head picking up just a bit off the bed. Fingering you at a pace that made your entire body move with each thrust of her hand.

"M'gonna cum Chlo..." You cried, tears pricking your eyes at the pleasure, Chloe grabbing your hips and pulling them upward more letting your ass stick up into the air before continuing on with her activities with a grin.

"Go ahead babe, let go and cum on my fingers."

Your fingers lazily clutched the sheets as your muffled moans were released into the bed. Creaming around her fingers before your lower half was dropped once more riding out your orgasm before the exhaustion fully hit you.

Fingers slowly leaving your cunt – your entire body dropping onto the bed while Chloe moved away to clean you up with whatever she could find.

Knowing that when she turned back around you had basically fallen asleep, muttering small ' thank you's ' and ' I love you's ' to her while she covered you with your comforter and shut the lights off, crawling up beside you.

And even while exhausted and practically asleep you reached for her and held her close still muttering incoherent things to her.

"Goodnight Good-looking." "Ngh shh."

#chloe price smut #chloe x reader #chloe #chloe price x reader #chloe price #life is strange #life is strange x reader #lis #lis remastered #nevy writes

[snailchaser-the-medicinecat]

How does starclan reacts to Spottedleaf's lies?

Super sorry for answering this so late, I've been super busy LMAO I try to answer asks as quickly as I can, so thank you for being so patient!

This will contain some spoilers for my fic, even if I might tweak some things before then, so know this is subject to some possible changes! It'll also contain some mild horror and themes of being watched, so fair warning!

It's nothing big at first, for a while she actually flies comfortably under the radar, the problem only really starts getting recognized by Starclan once they tell the clan the false prophecy, uncomfortably close to before whenever Spotted receives the 'Fire will save our clan' one, and gets worse once Yellowfang gets there and starts working alongside her. A lot of the plan hindered on the only other medicine cat around being her and her apprentice, so Yellowfang appearing threw a massive wrench in things. Yellowfang does agree not to reveal the fact she's faking her and Tigerclaw's prophecy, but can't promise she'll be able to keep her safe from everything that may come her way because of it.

She starts to avoid the night sky after that, doing her best to only go out during the day, or when the stars are hidden by clouds. But that doesn't always help her when she starts to feel watched near constantly. She's not exactly sure if it's a manifestation of guilt or Starclan themselves, at the time, but she starts to have dreams if not hallucinations of silent starclan cats, just... Watching as she tries to gather herbs. It's extremely rare for Starclan to decend from the sky, much less for no good reason. They don't tell you how dead and lightless an otherwise glittering Starclan cat's eyes can look when they stare at you so blankly. Nothing proves they're no longer alive more than that.

Yellowfang tries to comfort her through the days, but she out of anybody can tell it's starting to weigh on her- She does her best to make her feel a bit more secure, but having another cat with Starclan's gifts so nearby only makes things more unsettling.

Starclan is very different in this AU, being a lot more reserved and ominous, much closer to a coalescence of all the spirits of their ancestors that started having their lines between eachother smudged long ago. The clans have this image of ethereal starry passed family members who watch over them and keep them safe, but if you look deeper, there's something beneath the surface. They don't actively try to stop Spottedleaf, since this is likely a new type of crime, faking a prophecy not for power, but for something as simple and small as love, so instead they just judge. They know she knows they're watching her, and they plan to keep doing it until she dies, even if she tries to shut Starclan out of her mind later.

She does start trying to shut out Starclan once she realizes she's pregnant with Tigerclaw's kit. She knows the clan will see them as something special due to the prophecy that allowed them to be born 'within the code', and she doesn't need twice the stress with Starclan still lingering around her during the whole thing. Unfortunately, with her having such a strong connection with Starclan, and Tigerclaw having his own ties to it for wildly different reasons, their son ends up having a much, much higher connection than a majority of medicine cats do, even from a young age. Spotted isn't sure whether they passed it down to him, or if Starclan felt a bit sadistic and decided to play along for now, but for a while, the starry figures that stalk her through the forest seem to dissipate. She can't tell why, though, but she can feel in her bones that they'll be back for her.

Tigerclaw doesn't have a direct link with Starclan, but he does actually get his own glimpses of them, though his seem to be more based in malice. They've obviously never been too fond of him, and since Pinestar refused to kill him as a kit, they've let that demand go, but a lingering distaste for him never faded. He's been plagued with nightmares his entire life, but something about the ones he started getting once Starclan discovered their lie seemed to be less copy-paste with a few adjustments, and more personal. Deeper cutting and more unnerving. Ones he couldn't shake even with Spottedleaf at his side every night.

#the false prophecy au #warrior cats #tigerstar the first #spottedleaf #tigerclaw #Yellowfang #wc #spottedtiger #I'm not saying Starclan is evil #But they're definitely not morally good #Neither is the Dark Forest entirely bad. #They're both just where dead cats go #The Dark forest is just where cats who Starclan cast out go. There ARE a lot of evil cats there #but that's not everybody there. #It's not as bad as people make it out to be #Though it's not exactly ideal #You at least know you'll keep yourself as one person #After long enough in Starclan you just become Starclan. You only keep that individuality for the first 30 years being there #It's like some fucked up divine hivemind in there #Angelic and beautiful #but are they really seperate after long enough? They seem to just... Merge into eachother. Much less lucid than they were in life #They know they're powerful #And sometimes they use that power in intimidating ways. Even if it doesn't actively hurt anybody

[loumands]

long overly personal age crisis/general mental crisis rant under the cut

I'm turning 26 this saturday and i'm terrified and depressed. I hate sounding like some anti-aging tiktokker but i hate that i'm constantly getting older and can't control it while nothing else in my life seems to change. I know i'm very young but it still feels like i'm running out of time. Most of my peers are ahead of me, they have jobs and relationships and generally full lives. My 2 years younger stepbrother has a successful career, house, wife and child. I still don't even feel like a full adult. Sometimes i feel i've really frozen in time maybe because of trauma and am still just a kid deep down.

My situation is weird because i did have experience with sexual relationships at very early age but i don't consider them real relationships anymore since they were abuse, and then in my adult age i haven't had any relationships. I haven't even kissed anyone as an adult. I'm like a virgin who isn't a real virgin. I want to be in a relationship and experience love and sex but at the same time it feels distant and impossible.

I just graduated (two years late, studying something that doesn't interest me) but i haven't worked other than summer jobs and i'm wondering how am i ever gonna get a proper job. And i don't even know do i want to do work that is related to my field of study since i hate it. I could go studying something else but it's again going to take so much time. I also feel like i'm wasting my potential and i should use my talents for something that actually helps people but i don't know what that would be.

I've made peace with knowing i'm probably never going to be able to transition for various reasons but it still causes me sadness, and again the feeling of running out of time when i'm getting older and missing more and more of years i could've lived openly as myself and i'm always living with this 'what if' thought. Also this sounds incredibly silly in context of everything else but i'm stressing about how my fertility is starting to go lower every year from now on lol. I've deeply wanted to be a parent as long as i can remember but i've wanted to wait until my financial and mental health situation will be better before having children. But what if they will never be? Also i don't necessarily need a nuclear family or anything but i'd like to have a partner i can trust and my child to have other parent too. But what if there will never be a person like that?

My life situation is technically fairly good or at least better than it has been for 15 years but i feel my mental state has gotten almost worse. I've been trying lots of new things and i finally have some friends but i still feel so lonely and hollow. I always have this crushing feeling of loneliness and being an outsider who doesn't matter. I think even on tumblr i have so embarrasingly strong emotional reaction when something even mildly negative happens because i'm so insecure and seek external validation. Like when someone unfollows me i know there's necessarily nothing personal with it but i still feel genuine sadness i'm internally like that you're not rockin wit me i'm going to kill myself meme lmao. And i'm always trying to be as kind as i can towards everyone both irl and online but i still feel worthless and annoying. It's like there's a void inside me that nothing can fulfill or maybe i'm the void myself.

Idek what i'm trying to say or what could help me i just needed try to put my feelings in words i guess

#sa mention #.txt

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Just checking in.

It's been going... mixed, lately? Nothing terrible, but I have a lot on my mind. I feel in flux, like I'm at an indiscernible turning point and need to make a huge decision.

Work and Life Choices

My work stress levels are on the high end, recently. I'm bringing a new assay to the company, and that's been difficult because... I can't ask anyone for help. No one has the knowledge, lol! My first trial run was a huge success, and I'm a bit blown away. Basically, work keeps asking me to do novel stuff with little support, and I just... Keep?? Delivering???? And I realize this sounds braggy, but like- No one is more surprised than I am, believe me.

Meanwhile, I was asked to help with selecting a lead candidate for a project, which is totally new to me and was always the responsibility of folks one, two, or more "steps" above me in the company hierarchy. I've never been given this opportunity, but also... The only reason I made headway is because a senior colleague kindly helped me. HOWEVER, my manager asked me to meet with him before showing my plan to the project co-lead, since I'm new to this. AND THEN HE PEACED OUT TO A CONFERENCE FOR A WEEK AND LEFT TWO DAYS EARLIER THAN EXPECTED. So. That really stressed me out! I still don't really know how to handle it, but you can only maintain that level of stress for so long. You eventually enter the universe of, "I cannot be fucked. I am unfuckable."

Although as an asexual bean lol-

The good news is that it really benefits me to gain this knowledge- it's within my wheelhouse, but it's always been considered above my pay grade until now. Contrast this with bringing new technologies to the company and working with new formats. Folks keep asking me how to use the machine that can purify mAbs (basically the most... simple/common antibody format used in biotech), and I keep telling them... I've never been assigned mAb work, so I have no idea. I'm over here working with VHH and IgA and weird multispecifics exclusively.

I got another email on Friday where my boss assigned me more novel stuff I've never done. I can't exactly argue when he's in a conference, but... I am... Unsure... How I can get all of this done, lmao???

On the other hand, I dove into my work benefits to figure something out, and I realized that... Um, my total compensation package is... Well, it's a lot better than anything I've had before, in terms of money. It's... Uh, it's a mixed feeling. Obviously, it's great to be paid better than I ever have been. But it also makes me feel more locked into this career and this place, because... It's finally "paying off." My husband and I have been talking about starting a family, but I told him that I don't see myself having children in a household with two working parents and no support.

This is deeply personal, and obviously income plays a role, too. Many American families cannot afford two working parents, because daycare costs more than one or both parents' salaries. In our case, I make less than my husband, but after taxes and contributing to retirement, daycare would cost about 45% of my remaining take home.

However.

On Friday, I asked a colleague who I just met how she was doing. She had dark bags under her eyes- the kind of thing written about in novels, but rarely seen in real life. And she replied, "Well, I haven't been able to stop working long enough to eat for a few days. I came home and my children were needy and we have a new puppy who was wrecking things and I just went in my room and shut the door and sobbed."

That was a bit intense for a first ever "how are you," but regardless... This is so many women I know, including my mother. I absolutely have seen involved and loving husbands/fathers, but I've seen more who work and then vanish into the mancave the rest of the time. I have a teammate who purposefully works from 1-7 PM to avoid his kids and inlaws, leaving childcare, food, and housework to his wife (and frankly, he made me do his work for half a year until I cracked and told my boss to remove me from working closely with him). My husband is a gem who frankly takes care of me more than I take care of him, so I don't have to fear this, but...

Well, we don't have support. It would be us vs the world with a baby, and my country offers nothing to help families out. And, as we all know, the costs needed to live (housing, healthcare, education, food) are drastically rising.

I really do not know what the next steps in my life are, and I'm already at the point of "geriatric" pregnancy (mid thirties). Do I keep up with this challenging, interesting career that pays well, but is incredibly stressful? Do I have a child and give up the career? Do I try to do it all (two parents who work full time and a kid)? Will I end up like my colleague if I do that? Will giving up my job make me feel unfulfilled? Will the loss of income wreck me someday?

Stress, Creating, Self Care

So, like... I've been stressed, as you might notice. My ear started ringing, with varying intensity and pitch, so I couldn't sleep on Thursday night. Thankfully, it stopped after about 24-32 hours, because I was losing my mind! The internet listed stress as a cause, and... Yeah, I'm thinking it's that.

On top of this, my husband was away for work from Wednesday to Saturday, so I ran the house by myself and was on my own. I was slammed last week and did not have any mental juice to spare.

I haven't done much creatively in February. I can't get my brain to do it, but I'm also not really trying? Usually, when I'm not creating, Bad Things are happening. I'm not sure if I'm there or not, or if I just have other things going on right now? I am getting the sense that I need to do more for myself. I'm not... Sure... What that is, though.

I'm thinking exercise. I gained weight over the pandemic, and lately I feel physically and mentally lethargic. So... Eating better and exercise are probably what I should focus on right now?

I can never seem to keep the mental health, physical health, work, relationships, and chore balls in the air. I tend to drop the physical health ball most readily, which goes about as well as you'd imagine.

I'm hoping to figure out what fun stuff my husband and I might do this year. I need something to look forward to, because it's been so easy (tempting, even?) to feel overwhelmed by all the scary and uncertain things.

I have not been creating, and I have not been online much. Apologies for that. It's one of those "my cup is empty" periods, but I'm not in trouble. I'm just sort of... Looking at the empty cup and going, "Hmm. I should fill this, but, uh... How?" And also, "What kind of cup do I want in the future?"

I truly hope you're all taking care and holding on and finding ways to flourish. It's hard, man. I'm wishing you wellness, kindness, love, growth, support, and well-being. Thanks for caring about me <3

Love,

Hidden

#hidden's life

[ziskandra]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Tagged by @fivekoboldsinacoat, thank you! 1. Are you named after anyone?

One of my middle names is in honour of my great aunty (paternal grandma's sister).

2. When was the last time you cried?

After work last Tuesday because I got into a stupid disagreement with my trainer that left me feeling really demoralised lol (I'm better now).

3. Do you have kids?

Not yet, but my partner and I have been discussing starting to try in the next year or two! 4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not as much as I used to! Now I reserve it for situations where it's really obvious (e.g., "it's a bit hot" when it's like 40 C out.)

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Honestly, whether anything about what they're doing/saying might indicate that we have any interests in common? Then probably clothes tbh.

6. What's your eye color?

Brown!

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies scary movies scary movies (I like happy endings, but I have to be in the mood for them, but I'm always down for a scary movie lmao)

8. Any special talents?

I'm in the top 50 nationally ranked Scrabble players in the country does that count...

9. Where were you born?

About 25km from where I live now! I am never leaving this city...

10. What are your hobbies?

Uhh, writing, gaming, drawing, the aforementioned Scrabble.... occasionally I do cosplay stuff! I don't have as much free time as I used to and it makes me sad 😔

11. Have you any pets?

I have two cats, a stripy brown tabby with white named Murphy who's seven, and a calico named Maya (for Maya Fey Ace Attorney, my partner's favourite Ace Attorney character)

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Basketball, netball and volleyball, with (very) limited success, lol

13. How tall are you?

162cm!

14. Favorite subject in school?

Anything history/politics related (I did International Studies and History Revolutions in high school) and also languages (i.e, Indonesian in HS)

15. Dream job? I'm literally doing the job I answered with the last time I did this tumblr meme sjksjdk I swear it doesn't usually make me cry I've just been under a lot of stress lately 😅 Tagging: @v-arbellanaris @anneapocalypse @queenaeducan @darethshirl, @ithoughteventheboneswoulddoot, @paperbrds, @sharksister, @venatohru, @ineffableaz, @mxkelsifer, @breadedsinner, @bogunicorn, @illusivesoul, @swindlefingrs, @weatheredlaw

#tag memes #about me

[jeansyvesmoreau]

hey bestie!! i Can only hOpe you’Re doing good. what’s somethiNg you’ve had on your Mind lately? personally, i’ve been Under a lot of stress with school and work (i got my First job recently!), but other than that im doing pretty good. on another note, are you excited For eras tour to start!!? i’m so pumped and excIted to see taylor and meet people at my show in tampa. see you sooN!

Hello nonnie! Hope you're doing all right as well, for me I've mainly just been thinking about my regular hyperfixations of grishaverse and taylor swift, but also a whole lot of school-related stuff too. Djdhhd hope the job goes okay for you!

I'm genuinely going to be unable to cope when mid-march comes lmao, what with the eras tour opening and s&b releasing and the s&b cast answering asks, hope you have so fun at your show!!! I can't go since I'm an international swiftie and I doubt my parents would let me go hahah

Also HI CORN MUFFIN ANON

#while i was gone i would have asked you* #anon asks #okay imma be serious I didn't see the corn muffin at first unt I saw someone else's post #corn muffin anon

[shoyoist]

y'all i had such a nice day todayy <3 feeling so refreshed rn so i'll tell you guys abt it to share the good vibes hehe —

under the cut because it got a little long.

so as some of y'all might know because i've been complaining on dash, i had 7am classes today. and i'd pulled an all nighter last night for chemistry, so i was really tired when i showed up to class (o_o; )

was ready to sit alone in the corner, take my notes and do the worksheets and just go home without interacting with anyone.

but my friends were really glad to see me omg 😭💖 they told me they'd missed me so much (because i haven't been attending most of the revision sessions, since i prefer to do self study at home during exam sesson) and bought me cake and a drink, i felt so loved LMAO v_v <3

and at abt 12pm i picked my sister and two of her friends (they're our neighbors so when their parents get hung up at office i usually take them home w me and my sister) up from her school. one of them told me i looked thirsty (i was) and gave me some water, and i felt so touched 😭😭

when i got home i took a shower, had lunch and talked to my girlfriend on the phone for a bit before i took a nap. talking to her always makes me feel better hehe <3

then, i woke up at 4pm, took another shower and then i got to work. i did some chemistry and physics, but i got stuck on a chapter and was struggling so hard i wasted a lot of time on just a couple of questions ( t_t).

that always pisses me off, like when i don't understand something that ik i should and waste time trying to figure it out that makes me so mad. plus i don't really have TIME to waste on a single chapter but i couldn't just leave it behind without understanding it right? so i was just so upset about it.

around 7pm my brother called my phone (he's actually my cousin but he's rlly more like a brother to me) and he lives in the next city ok, so i wasn't expecting him to say he'd come over.

he's annoying as per usual for older brothers LMAO so i picked up his call like "what do you want :/" but he was like "hey i'm omw let's play valo together"

which surprised me because, "why can't we just play you don't need to come over? and besides i don't have time to play"

but he said he missed us and wanted to see us ;(( and when he showed up, i was still not done going through that one physics chapter. while he waited for me to be done, he took my laptop and adjusted all the settings to his liking (now that i think abt it i'll have to fix everything before i play NAWW) and played a couple of matches by himself 😭😭

then i was like "...dude what are you doing LMAO" like none of our family is on very good terms w eachother so i was just surprised that he showed up outta nowhere like this.

— and all of a sudden he was like "hey i brought my card w me you wanna go out for dinner?" and it was around 8pm, so i said it's too late, our youngest sister has school tomorrow too so we probably shouldn't. but he said that i seemed kinda stressed out, and that a walk outside and a nice dinner would do me good.

WHICH WAS TRUE BTW i've been mad stressed out these days, and i haven't had a break in forever. i knew that and i just felt like, ykw why not? so i agreed, and once we convinced my mom, the three of us (me, my brother and our youngest sister) went out.

except we only recently moved to this city so i didn't know any good places. and he was living in the other city so he didn't know either. we walked around for like an hour 💀💀

then we surrendered and went to a pizza place, it was already like 9:30pm by then and i knew our mom would be PISSED LMAO but we still went and got pizza and milkshakes. it was so nice fr like i felt really good.

he told me about work, and we vented to eachother a little on our separate family situations and all, and then we moved onto just talking abt random things that took our minds off our stress. realized halfway through that he needed this little walk out too.

we also went over to a bridge that's over a river near the area, because it's one of my favourite places to go to. it was hella dark and there were stoners and all around but my brother is a big guy (he's a gym rat like me, stands at 6'2) and so we weren't rlly abt to be bothered LMAO. watched the moon and just stood together in comfortable silence for a while, till we decided it was rlly time to go back home.

i could feel the pent up stress leaving me during the time we were out. and plus, i haven't let loose and had some good fun in a long time 😩

got back home at 11pm and my parents were MAD but that's okay we had fun!!

and yk, i just wanted to say 😭 if you find yourself working hard without room for a break or anything, if you're stuck between deadlines and tight schedules and all, sometimes all you need is a few hours out with your friends/family, a few hours to unwind and let loose.

it's okay to spare a few hours to take care of yourself. i'm feeling sm better and much better prepared to immerse myself into my work and actually understand and absorb what i'm going to revise and practise now.

it rlly helps!! some fresh air, some good food enjoyed w your loved ones and a few hours of fun with them, it fr fixes your whole mood.

and it's different from relaxing alone. trust me.

don't hesitate to reach out and take some time to relax and get together with people you love <3 it really makes a difference.

#☆༉ soliloqui. #AKGFH I TALKED SM #but anyway. yeah i just wanted to share <3

[drabbles-mc]

Stranger Things and S.W.A.T. have been super heavy on my brain lately and I'm afraid of what will happen if I open a word doc for them

Okay but what will happen is WRITING (or, depending on how the day is going, daydreaming lol) and isn't that a good thing? 🤔

also. very glad that Just One Week has an ending coming eventually! no rush on it, just good to know that it's happening (she says, shoving her own large unfinished half-published WIPs under the table)

Just One Week followup:

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

5: What part was hardest to write?

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

PS I am hugging you back through the screen!

I will say, that for S.W.A.T. specifically, it's more a matter of when will I start writing, not if. I'm on season 3 of 5 and I'm figuring out if I wanna watch all of what's available for the series before I take a crack at writing. That tends to be how I operate so tumblr has about 2 more seasons before it can't escape yet another fandom from me 😂

But! Just One Week! Let's get into it 😌

4. What's your favorite line of dialogue: I'm such a dialogue person so I feel like there are so many haha. Some of my faves are definitely from The Peanut Gallery, aka, Steve and Javier. Right from the jump, Javi calling Horacio out with, "You remember dating, right?" will always be a fave of mine. I love the relationship the two of them have. And the whole exchange in, I think it's chapter 2 or 3, where it's the reader and Horacio just talking one-on-one and getting to know each other, and he talks about his ex-wife, I was really proud of that whole interaction.

5. What part was hardest to write: The smut. I wrote one (1) smut scene and I agonized over it. I stressed. I almost scrapped the scene altogether. 😂 I'm not really much of a smut writer these days and I knew that a scene like that couldn't just be haphazardly thrown in there. I couldn't half-ass it. In this fic it was a scene that would matter and carry a lot of weight. So I knew I had to get it right. It is the only smut scene that's going to be in that story because I cannot put myself through that again lmao

8. Did any real people or events inspire any part of it: The Parents are definitely an amalgamation of a few of my family members. I took some of my favorite and least favorite qualities of the people in my family and packed them into two family-friendly fictional parents.

9. Were there any alternate versions of this fic: Not alternate versions, per se. But I have written a little off-shoot that was inspired by the whole ex-wife thing that I mentioned before. You know me and my feelings about Horacio and his exes. The dynamic I have for them in my head is just so comfortable and wholesome. It doesn't really have a place in this story but I like thinking about it.

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to, to accompany us while reading: I have a "fic inspo" playlist on spotify that I've been adding to since I was in high school. It's got a range of music on it, but it's pretty much what I always listen to whenever I'm writing! I'm a big sucker for sappy love songs, which I think fit the whole mood of the story to begin with.

15. What did you learn from writing this fic: This fic is definitely what got me comfortable writing for Carrillo. He was the character I wanted to write for the most when I finished Narcos, but he was also really intimidating to write. I wasn't sure if I would be able to make a "fake dating" plot work for him but I gave it a shot anyway and I'm so glad I did! It definitely got me comfortable writing for Horacio and the Narcos universe as a whole.

I could talk about this fic for ages thank you for all of these questions 🥺💖

#ask #asks #just one week #ashlingiswriting

[nipuni]

Doctor Who status report: we finished watching S3, the special, and are half way into S4! The last 7 episodes of S3 were incredible and so far S4 is going strong and we are sure it will get even better as we get closer to the end as all previous seasons did, we have been ranking each episode and special since S1 so I'll probably share that eventually too and you can compare and judge 😆

We are getting more and more anxious as we get closer to the end of this season because we don't want to see David Tennant go 😭 We are confident we are going to love all the next doctors too but also going to miss him so much. We already made a list of movies and series he is in so we can watch those once he gets replaced lmao we are both so smitten!!

I can't wait to have some free time to draw about this show!! it's become our favourite thing really fast and is single handedly sustaining me, I'm the busiest and the most stressed I've been since last year and it will only get worse until January but everyday I look forward to watching it and talking about it with Nicolas and it's such a joy 😭

Oh I also wanted to say I'm so sorry for the lack of art lately! I know apologizing for it is weird but bear with me I still feel bad about it 😆 I've been drawing for work a lot so everything I make is under NDA and the rest of my time I'm spending hosting family and friends that are visiting for the holidays until the end of the year so all I have to share are photos 😫 but I'll try to squeeze in some art and get back to it as soon as I can!I hope you are all doing well! ❤️

#doctor who #personal #waving to the uuhh 5 people here who are still into this show on this day and age hello I wanna be friends!! #DW report

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday, January 25th, 2024!

12:49pm my brain feels so burnt out, it's difficult not to just return to bad habits. My body is tired and stress is wrecking my physical being. My back hurts, legs hurt, neck tension and headaches. Owch

Need to find better things to focus my little energy on. Things that feed me, I am very empty, like there's a hole at the bottom of me where everything leaks out. Old is bad, new is better. I want to stop going back to old, bad, tired situations. Nothing in the past changes. New is good.

Lots of just being in my own head, I want to get back to reality. I think that will help me not feel so floaty.

1:22pm omg I just realized my bad bitch playlist is public on Spotify and 6 ppl saved it?? Omg who are you guys and can we be friends what that just blew my mind and made my day how?? What?? I love it

3:24pm Reactive abuse is so real. I have to remember that I am NOT to blame for this shit. I actually didn't DO ANYTHING TO HIM WTF fuck him, he hasn't changed and only serves to prove me right and as a reminder again and again. I feel like he has moments where he'll admit this, or agree with me, but I think it's just breadcrumbing. Yeah so one day he says it's not my fault at all then the next day yeah it is kinda my fault like which one is it 😑 Rip but I know what I'm dealing with. The only reason I'm sad is bc the situation is so fucked up, it's more like grieving than actually being sad sad. It's just like damn wtf. I know I can pullllll when I want to though haha the issue is I just don't want to right now 🤭😁

I think I do need to get help for my depression/ anxiety though bc I don't want it to snowball into something so much harder to come back from. At least I'm aware of the issue, it's just deep rooted in me atm.

9:56pm Sat next to two of my bff's at the TB Lightening game tonight! Learned that there's 3 periods in hockey (I thought there was four) and the fights are REAL not like fake wrestling but the refs just stand there for too long and let them duke it out lmao?? I love my friends :)

Being happy lately results in me literally crying it's like feeling pure joy with no "waiting for the shoe to drop" :) I think I'm crying bc of relief? Grieving the fact that I was not happy for so long so I'm crying? Crying bc for example I've missed out on the past two years of these bc I didn't want to buy 2 tickets and for whatever reason.... It wouldn't work out or he would just be so embarrassing to me... Then it's going alone and ppl asking why he's not there?? It has been too much anxiety >> benefits in the past, but not anymore ❤️ I'm changing for the better. I miss the old me so much, but I know I'll love the new me even more.

Also yeah whatever technically some things were probably my "fault" bc of my anxiety...... But a partner who actually takes time to know you would be able to identify that or at least question the possibility that anxiety is a factor in decision making. But his actions/ emotional abuse >>>> way more impactful than just my social anxiety (plus I literally had the social anxiety for good reason if I can't take you anywhere without you smelling like weed and texting other girls while we're out).... Yeah I'm not fucking crazy, but I do need self-help. The intrusive thoughts are a lot still. They'll dull with time, even if it takes years I have a good feeling they will become submerged and buried under all the good memories I'll make. It's honestly already starting to happen if you ask me. I'm so ready for my birthday, what a new chapter I love it ❤️

11:45pm Went ahead and deleted the emails. He did not respond to me today so it's all moot point. He's abusive and idc if he doesn't know now and idc if he never figures it out. He's one out of 8 billion people on this planet and he needs to stay in the past. His loss I'm literally awesome af future doctor baddie and he's fucking retarded scrub bum byeeeee. Good way to end the evening ❤️

[backtodecember]

hey bestie!! i Can only hOpe you’Re doing good. what’s somethiNg you’ve had on your Mind lately? personally, i’ve been Under a lot of stress with school and work (i got my First job recently!), but other than that im doing pretty good. on another note, are you excited For eras tour to start!!? i’m so pumped and excIted to see taylor and meet people at my show in tampa. see you sooN!

hi!!! oh god too much to write! I started my phd just this term so lots of academic stuff has been on my mind. also I've been watching both buffy and the man in the high castle and so spike and joe blake have been rotating though my brain like rotisserie chicken whilst I try and read all these academic texts lmao. and omg I'm so hyped! I've actually not been on taylor tumblr during a tour before - I only had taylor sideblogs pre 2019 and didn't post much and so I'm so excited to experience everything properly!!!! oh and I'm sending you lots of love and big congrats on your job!!! 💗

#asks #anon

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 11: This Week So Far

I made it through the first two tough days of this week, and to Wednesday, which is just a Normal Day. I am such a creature of habit, I get all worked up about any change to the normal day routine. So the early part of this week was rather stressful, in a low-key, I-shouldn't-be-stressed-about-this-thing-but-I-am way. Tomorrow I have a meeting, and Friday I have several events--all good/fun things like staff breakfast, lunch out, a TS meeting (counts as fun, we never do work during those), etc., and even the search committee meeting is something I'm looking forward to because I'm curious to hear people's opinions on the candidates--so today is really the only day where work was just 8 hours to work on whatever I want and after-work is just...well, admittedly most of my days are like this, but basically, free and open.

Work was pretty successful. I think I have already veered from Deluge to Drought, which makes me pretty annoyed at all the stress I let myself feel last week, despite my best efforts. But I am feeling more under control, which is good. After work, I did NOTHING (no regrets, except for how late I'll sleep). All in all, a very neutral day for the middle of the week.

On Monday, I had my rescheduled dentist appointment, which went very well. It was extremely efficient and my teeth were fine, which I always worry about at this point, just because I've had these teeth for nearly 30 years and you never know what they're up to. Then I stopped by the Food Lion on my way home and also the Starbucks. Somehow got a blister on my toe...extremely sad since I wasn't walking that much, but oh well.

Then Tuesday were the candidate interviews, which went very well, but did eat up a hug chunk of the middle of the day. I liked both applicants a lot, and I think that was the general consensus. We were up in the Faculty Library ("by tradition" lmao--okay, I have never seen a library person interviewed in the Faculty Library and I've been here for years and seen like half the current stuff interviewed but okay, a tradition from the vault), which was sort of disorienting actually. But cozy.

After work I went serious grocery shopping, which also went very well since I didn't have much to buy. I need to keep that energy up--no extraneous grocery purchases in 2023. The Mart is in the midst of some kind of huge rearrangement of its grocery section, which made stuff hard to find, but ultimately I got everything I wanted. I'm curious what it will look like when they're done.

So I have accomplished much this week... a couple more days to go. I should probably actually be productive after work tomorrow because I have some home-things I haven't done but... we'll see. I am very tired and want to sleep.

#the year 2023 #2023: rl