Remus opened his letter, surprised when it appeared to be a howler. The last time he’d heard one was the day before Sirius got disowned back in 5th year.
He was in the dining hall for breakfast, sitting at the staff table. He watched as Harry and Hermione plotted, looking anxious. He blew it off, as it seemed Harry was always weary.
“A howler,” Snape sneered from beside him.
“Astute observation, Severus.” Remus told him, nodding at him.
Remus disregarded Snape, and focused on the howler. There was no name on it, so it was possible it was from a student playing a prank. In good nature, for the prankingnostalgia, Remus opened it.
There was silence for a moment before a loud, booming voice started to yell. “DARLINGGGGG, GUESS WHOS BACK FROM JAIL” And it was his Sirius Black. And he knew they would find each other again.
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Headcanon kinda canon i guess?? I just wanna say it's cool to see the ice prison people fall back into their prison mindsets if that makes sense lol??
Tubbo - very fucking persistent and annoying, he just won't stop. Leave him alone for to long hes gonna investigate your dirty prison. Will escape multiple times. Blackmail the guards, somehow get private info on guards. Use the guards to get into secret special personal only. Hes genuinely just crazy and unhinged. I understand why they locked him up Definition of I'm not trapped in here with u, youre trapped in here with me.
Mouse- she's yelling and screaming at everyone, protecting her group of girlfriends no matter what. She's the protector. But also down to be chaotic, being the demon queen I understand why she's locked up. A hazard. Also the definition of I'm not trapped in here with u, you're trapped in here with me.
Tina- she is for sure the manipulator of the group, shes sucking up to the guards especially agent 18 and his thing for foolish. Using that info to get in good. Being nice to them to get away with More. She was basically being an mean girl as well, complimented sunny but turned to leo and was like "she's totally copying u". being another demon I get why they locked her up. Totally steals government info
Niki- she's quite, she always has been. But when you're so quiet people tend to forget youre there. Niki out here gathering information on the people around her cuz they're just to loud and she's just quite enough. Listen and gathering what she can. This ones tricky to get why she was sent to prison but I guess that makes her fun cuz like what did she do??
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Seriously, how are those FBI agents doing in that Baltimore hotel for the David Wesninski AU? They signed up for none of this, yet here they are, dealing with the craziest family drama any of them have ever witnessed. Honestly, their faces when it gets confirmed that Wymack is the identical twin of this serial killer must be priceless
The first thing you need to understand about fbi ops is, you don't just write those up on a whim. Theres investigations and plans and preparations. They were prepared for the Hatfords to push the agreed boundaries and kill against orders. That's why they were contacted in the first place. They were prepared for the cleanup, and the inquiries, and to throw the Hatfords under the bus as an excuse to begin what was sure to be a years-long investigation into Nathan Wesninski's network.
The second thing you need to understand about law enforcement operations is that you're either going shit shit shit shit shit when things are going according to plan and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck when they aren't.
So, on the whole? It was a shitty night. The whole thing got pushed back by like two hours because of an alleged break in, and then by three more hours after a fight with op command on how much can they look over the police's shoulder without tipping their hand. And then it all goes down, and there's corpses everywhere, and it's all gone to shit...
And then Junior is on the front lawn.
Which, first of all, how are you not dead? Rhetorical question, clearly Nathan tried. Second, no seriously, how are you not dead. The fuck you mean it's a secret bitch I will [redacted]-
But it's fine. It's fine. Actually, hold on, this is great. They get to skip years of investigation all it costs is some witness protection. The kid seems like a real shithead but once they get him talking...
And then Towns says "We gotta talk about his team."
Oh right, them. "Once they calm down we'll give them a basic rundown of what's happening and send them home. Considering what they said so far it doesn't sound like they know much."
But Towns shakes his head. "You don't know who they are, do you?" Browning raises a brow. "Palmetto State Foxes?" Nope. "Edgar Allen. The ravens." Nope. "Kevin Day?"
That does sound familiar, but Browning knows he doesn't get the points for that. "Sure, one of the other players, no?" He never cared for exy, personally, and while he gets that people get excited about college sports he's always believed in some healthy iconoclasm. He shakes his head.
Towns grumbles. Then out of nowhere, he says, "Call Suzie."
"What?"
"Call her. Right now. Put her on speaker."
She should be at lunch, so Browning obliges, but he really doesn't see what his teenage daughter has to do with...
Click. Suzie's high, confident voice. "Daddy?"
"Hey Suzie, it's Freddie, your dad's pal from work," Towns says.
"Oh. Um. Hey?" Suzie sounds nervous suddenly. "Is my dad okay?"
They both suddenly realize what this call must look like, especially after Browning hadn't come home last night, and they both rush to reassure her that he's fine. "We've just had a long night," he reassures her. "No, I'm just calling because...hey Freddie, why am I calling?"
It's Towns' turn to raise an eyebrow, as if to say watch this. "Nah, I was just wanted a reminder, what's your husband's name again?"
Silence. A quick, sharp inhale, and in his mind's eye Browning can see his daughter's eyes focus like an eagles. "Well, first of all, it's future husband, because daddy says that the law says I have to be 18 to get married..."
Ohhhhh.
Fuck.
"But his name is Kevin Day. He's the world's best exy player, even after he had an accident last year. A lot of people abandoned him but I'm never gonna because when a mom and a dad love each other very much..."
A thousand dinner conversations run through Browning's head line an electric current as he opens his phone browser and searches the name. The results look nothing like the bruised shell of a man his colleagues have stuck in a hotel room, but they look like every poster on Suzie's wall. A terrible, terrible thought strikes him. "What about his friend. The, um, the short one."
The response is automatic. "Neil is cute too I guess. There aren't as many good posters of him, but Jessica from biology did her binder from shots she printed from youtube. Her dad yelled at her for wasting the ink."
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
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wait... does jers know hebrew?
jersey knows hebrew!!! sheila raised him to be a Noise Jewish Buoy.
he also went to hebrew school and temple every weekend growing up, but tbh, learning how read/write hebrew, being on top of his class and the best student in hebrew school was less about kyle being passionate about his heritage and was more about winning and being the best at any given task or trade. in a similarly unhealthy sense, pursuing shabbat every saturday was more of a control thing, an ocd trigger, a routine and regimen that he felt he needed to complete.
also not to peddle/push the downright false agenda that kyle actively attempts to seek out conversations with his peers or even wants to engage with other human beings at all, but a lot of kyle’s relatives, specifically the older ones, only speak yiddish or understand hebrew, so over the course of several childhood birthdays, seder dinners, and passovers passed, kyle developed a fluency for his family members.
speaking of jewish holidays and such tho, at thirteen, kyle had his bar mitzvah ( stan was supposed to come ofc, but something came up ), spoke a lot of hebrew during that ofc, but as a present, zayde and bubbe got kyle a star of david necklace so that jers could keep the faith w/ him at all times. literally. bc when kyle was at his heaviest, that chain was basically a choker and the clasp got stuck/rusted over so kyle...couldn’t get it off.
basically, stan's iconic everyday cartoon character necklace is the mysterious sexy vampy emo boy red glass heart shaped vial necklace n ky's is the lil gold star of david chain/pendant from zayde & bubbe.
on the topic of cartoon character boy things tho and specifically jersey kyle and his canon sp show outfit, i will say that when jersey goes for runs ( specifically in the summer when its hot ) or goes kick boxing with tweek, he does revisit his high school roots and wears the beat up white tank top, gold star of david chain, baggy good will jeans and sneakers. i’m not sure if he gels his hair back anymore ( that was such a big hs phase for him ) but he does put it back in a ponytail sometimes so it doesn’t get in his way when he’s exercising.
please note the white tank top is sometimes the ‘talk nerdy to me’ tank top that bebe got him as a joke for his birthday bc like, he’s exercising, who cares.
...stan cares.
stan cares…A Lot. ;)
bc the talk nerdy to me white tank top is the jerseykyle equivalent of stan wearing the support rock fuck a rockstar tank top. they r hating.
and ohhhh my god when jersey comes back from the boxing studio glistening with sweat, spitting his mouth guard into the case, all fired up bc he was just gettin all that aggression out, punching and kicking shit, releasing lots of catharsis, with his accent all heavy, swearing very liberally in yiddish, still cussing out the other cars on the road… ft. stan like i need u to do...Horrible Things to me. on every surface.
sorry, getting my mind out of the gutter, i swear! but kyle can def speak hebrew and while he swore he would never become his mother...he literally developed all her little yiddish mom sayings by accident, calls ike bubbeleh, constantly uses the schmatta to wipe schmutz of stans face, calls everyone a fucken dummkopf, says oy vey and oy gevault waaay too much. i love jersey he is so cuteeeee in his lil star of david apron, hand on hip, kochlefl in the other, making dinner shakin his head like ya betta wash ya Hands, nasty boy!
bonus hc: when stan goes off to college he actually takes hebrew as his elective class to try and impress kyle shsjs he is sooooooo fkn bad at it tho like the same way that jersey can’t roll his rs, raven cannot do the glottal stops. it’s so fucking funny oh my god. it’s ok kyle gives him private lessons. he requires…a lot of support & multiple sessions.
i honestly think that if they do actually decide to get married and conform to the standards of society for the hell of it; jerseykyles vows are in spanish and ravenstans are in hebrew <3 ;-;
-uncle nina, jew jersey kyle broflovski supremacy
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