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chrstbll · 3 years

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miracles and lucky days| ben hargreeves

(gif not mine)

+tags: @lalisbitch @spaceclone-mom , @meowmeowrex23 @strangeyouthcrusade

plot: after coming back from the 60’s, instead of finding the sparrow academy, the group come face to face with a much more positive outcome of their actions.

The words of Klaus were diluted, inaudible and ringing loudly in your head. Your limbs could barely hold the weight of your body, and the nausea from jumping between timelines hitting your stomach didn’t quite put you at ease. All was blurry at first, not hearing nor seeing properly caused you to feel light-headed as well, but before your legs or your mind gave in, somebody strong arms held you up protectively.

- Are you good? – Diego’s gentle call for you brought you back to reality. He was always a little bit concerned about you. He didn’t show it in great actions, it was in the seemingly unimportant things he did for you. There wasn’t anything romantic involved between you two, instead of that it was a deep understanding of each another that made you appreciate the other significantly. You nodded to confirm that you were in fact all right, shrugging it off with a smile.

Klaus was right. After you successfully registered what he was saying, a wave of relief washed over your heart, mind, and soul. Your whole being. For once, all seven of you managed to successfully jump back to 2019 without any harm or mistake being done. It was quite unbelievable. A dreamlike scenario which proved itself to be nearly impossible to believe. Looking around the hall, everything seemed to be all right. It felt okay. The aura was intimately comforting, yet something was amiss. Different. Changed. It certainly was not a malicious ambiance that you discovered, but one new, something yet unexperienced thing. The others noticed it too, as all six of them were looking around suspiciously. Memories, feelings, and people rapidly invaded your mind, those you haven’t thought about a lot. Pogo? Grace? Are they okay now?

Luther suggested to enter the living room ahead of you, so that’s what you all mutually agreed to. Five was the one who went further on before you heroically and begged all of you to proceed with caution, because we don’t know what’s waiting for us there. The walk from the hall to the living room happened painfully slowly given that the feeling of uncertainty was sitting in one and all’s eyes and was at fault for your lack of speed. Upon realizing the academy was unnervingly noiseless, the anxiety birthed a huge lump in your throat, which you couldn’t swallow. Your heart was terrified from the possible negative outcome of this time jump. What if that moment of clarity and amenity was only a façade and was only felt because none of you faced reality in the short but drunk moment of arrival? Sometimes you thought about how nice it would be to just live without worry. To live in pure bliss, without a care in the world. Without a problem in the universe to solve. How astonishing it would be not to recall what loss, trauma, or sadness feels like. But then again, we would live in ignorance that way.

Turning towards the divans and sculptures in the living room, your attention automatically focused on the small moving figure, who was absentmindedly cleaning the shelves with dusting feathers. Recognition hit you like a truck, as the character of an ape appeared before you. Your breath hitched in your throat. Mercifully, it was a positive reaction, a sentiment you haven’t undergone in a long time.

- Pogo?! – Allison was the first one to call out their siblings’ friends’ name. Barely letting his name roll from her tongue, the sea of emotions instantly overthrew her, and tears stormed down her face. Their beloved guardian turned around in shock, he looked so puzzled, it was as he didn’t recognize the people in front of him. You feared that was the case. What if we screwed it up even more?

- Oh, children. I was waiting for you all to return – he’s spoken politely and gifted us with a kind smile, just like he always did. You almost forgot what a courteous and caring figure Pogo was. His scarce although deep voice reminded you of simpler times. A type of nostalgia which you subconsciously yearned for god knows how long. Everyone gathered around him in a matter of seconds, engulfing him in a suffocating hug. Pogo was still bewildered from the sudden act of affection, as you all were from seeing him alive and breathing, but in this instant of happiness, the questions why and how didn’t matter. What mattered was the present minute, what you currently knew as is.

And next, a voice broke the silence.

Who would dare to turn around first? Who wanted to confirm that the voice that was just heard from behind them, came from a legit source? On a serious note, was it even real? Your minds are only playing tricks on you. You were ecstatic for having Pogo back, but it would be too good to be true to turn around and see the possessor of the voice. We can’t have all the wonderful things. It never went that well for you. Your bodies turned stiff, and your feet were frozen on spot. But what made you fear to turn around? The horror of hearing something that’s not truly there or facing it bravely. Something…someone you haven’t faced in roughly two decades.

- What the hell took you guys so long? – the annoyance sounded so raw, hence genuine. You could hear and understand the words crystal clear; then why didn’t you believe your ears?

The group hug disassembled at a snail's pace and turned to face what they never expected to see ever again in their lifetime. You, on the other hand, had secretly wished for a moment like this. Your heart was aching for the chance, not caring about being rational nor delusional. It kept the faith in your soul steady.

- Please, tell me I’m not the only one who can see him – Klaus muttered.

- Ben – Diego confirmed in a hushed tone without letting out any more words as he didn’t need to. He was the bravest out of all of you to speak up.

So, there he stood in his monochrome outfit, with his black leather jacket hugging his form and a coy smile painted all over his face. The faint rosy cheeks, lively eyes and vivid emotions displayed told you everything. The Ben standing in front of you was very much real, and more importantly, alive, and well.

- All of you look like you’ve seen a ghost – he grinned from ear to ear, and his light-hearted joke legitimately freed your body from the tension which held you in your place so aggressively. Number Four didn’t hesitate one second longer, and slammed himself against his brother, who sweetly returned the embrace. Registering it, savouring it, then finally loving the physical contact, Klaus broke up in a hysterical laughter. The group succeeded to pull the strings in a way his death was luckily prevented. How the hell did we manage this? But he didn’t care. All that mattered was the present minute, what he currently knew as is.

- You’re telling me, man – his laugh slowly started to die down, but his joy only rose. Of course, a group hug was crucially needed and initiated effective immediately. Everyone surrounded him, and you held onto each other tightly, so he never slips away from your grasp again. You admitted it to yourself, that it felt heavenly, but more precisely, it felt so damn terrific. The others eventually backed away, but you stayed right in front of him.

- Hey, you – were all he needed to say for you to go flying into his arms – Where have you been? I missed you – his confession was a simple, warm, and loving anecdote, and it broke your heart in the best way possible.

You missed me?

Your loud sobbing, and ocean of tears was baffling and a mystery to him, and he looked at the others with a perplexed expression. They asked him to just let you be because they understood everything perfectly. Each tear was valid and every one of them had a reason. His arms were wrapped around your body, as he was shielding you from all the cruelty in this world. His embrace wasn’t tight, but fond and sensitive enough. You weren’t greedy at all; it was just all too marvellous. Hearing his stable beating heart as he held you close to his chest completely fulfilled you. A featherlight kiss was tenderly placed on your forehead by him, in an attempt to calm you down. It failed, as more droplets of salty water coated your apple-like cheeks. Even so, the kiss was given so compassionately, it must have come from heaven itself.

Maybe you were in Heaven. Maybe your life ended when you arrived in the hall. This isn’t real and I’m probably dead in Diego’s arms by now. But what if you accepted it as your reality now? You couldn’t believe it, even after feeling his touch and his kiss on your body. It might be because you thought you didn’t think your wish to see the person closest to your heart again would ever come true. After the horrific months you went through, it was certainly an impossibility to be gifted with something this enormous, significant, and joyous.

Maybe miracles and lucky days exist. Maybe they existed both on the same day in favour of you. I’ll accept this, I deserve this. You absolutely deserve to be happy and to drop the burden that’s been weighing on your soul for years. Nobody deserves to live their lives in inescapable guilt and grief. Having Ben back in all your lives meant the world to you. You were thinking about how you might have to fill him in on the details of the previous events, but that was a case for a later part of the day. For now, it was nice to bask in his love and warmth. You’ll care about every other issue later. This was the only feeling that mattered in that moment. Peace finally taking its rightful place back in your heart, which has been waiting for it for a long time now. He radiated pureness, an energy which was incomparable to anything else. Clutching his jacket was your anxiety making sure he doesn’t leave again. Maybe he was reading your thoughts, but at the same time he was realizing he’d never leave you even if it meant his life.

- I missed you too.

#ben hargreeves #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #netflix tua #ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves fluff #ben hargreeves fanfiction #tua x reader #the umbrella academy imagine

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youngdreamer3214 · 4 years

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Unexpected

Assume Standard Disclaimer

The story of Jason Todd and Raven from ‘Too Late’. I would recommend reading ‘Too Late’ first.

Summary- The most unexpected person sitting on his favorite spot in the city with the most unexpected conversation and added to that an unexpected attraction to her. Seems like life is unexpected for Jason but he wouldn't have it any other way.

0O0O0O0O0O0

Music flowed through her veins, hips moved with the rhythm like water; her mind too far gone to care about her surroundings. She moved with such ease, such grace that for a moment every eye around her was on her. Some looked at her with envy, want and admiration while one of them was burning with desire, affection and the need to possess.

They had been playing this game for too long now, she had teased him enough. It was finally time to take action, to finally get the prize, her.

Their game of cat and mouse had been going on for almost three months now, he grinned remembering their chance meeting, his eyes unwavering from her.

It was a full moon night when he was wandering around the city as Jason Todd not the infamous Red X enjoying the peacefulness of the city to clear his head after a stressful mark and was heading towards his favorite spot in the city, the roof of the highest building in Jump City.

The cold, harsh wind greeted him as he reached the final step and he exhaled loudly, it felt like he was releasing all the stress from his body. There was just something about heights that exhilarated him. It was almost as if he could breathe clearly as he felt the city in its purest form. That was partly the reason he loved patrolling Gotham with Bruce.

He shook his head at that last thought; that was a dangerous can of worms to open.

He took slow steps towards the edge but stopped when he saw a figure sitting with its legs dangling off the edge and scowled. He wanted to be alone, was that too much to ask for? He was so not in the mood to deal with some civilian who would probably annoy him. Scratch that it would most definitely annoy him.

He took more purposeful steps, deciding to politely or maybe rudely tell them to vacate his favorite place in the city. But as he got closer he saw the unmistakably violet hair of who he now guessed was Raven.

Great, he thought, he had to deal with a titan now. But at least it isn't dickhead. He consoled himself. Out of all the titans Raven was the only one he couldn't understand and decipher. She was different, intriguing and –

"Are you going to stand there or go away? Honestly I prefer the latter." A smoky monotone voice called out, pulling him out of his thoughts and making him deepen his scowl, right an empath, he thought.

He stubbornly sat next to her and said with a smirk evident in his voice "Thanks I don't really care about anyone's preferences." He looked at her just in time to see her rolling her eyes and smirked as she looked ahead at the amazing view choosing to ignore him and he also sat in silence for a moment before saying in a mocking but filled with cockiness voice "Don't you have a crime to stop, oh great Raven of the titans."

They were silent for a couple of moments before she smirked and said "Don't you have something to steal, Red X?"

His eyes widened as he stared at her shocked and her smirk only widened seeing his expression before looking ahead as if nothing happened. As if she had not just uncovered the identity of one of the most trouble making anti- heroes in Jump City.

"How-what-?" he sputtered and she chuckled before looking at him and saying "Oh come on, I am an empath I can sense your emotions. I knew who you were as soon as you reached the final step to this roof."

"Aren't you going to arrest me?" he asked, his posture stiff and ready to bolt if she says yes. But instead she shocked him again by looking at him with a bored expression and rolling her eyes again as if very annoyed with his question and asked in a bored tone "Are you committing a crime right now?"

"No."

"Then even I am not arresting you right now…you need to be caught while stealing something and for all I know you are just Jason Todd right now and not Red X."

Now he turned a little white, she knew who he was, who he really was. Then she must also know that he was resurrected. Has she told the bats? But he can't see any of them right now so maybe she didn't tell them. Or are they waiting for a better time to show up?

She looked at him again and said with a sigh "No need to be so worried, I haven't told the bats. That's your truth to tell not mine, and to answer your other question I am a half demon so don't you think that I would know when somebody has been resurrected through the Lazarus pits. I know the trauma of being resurrected from personal experience.

…I could feel your heightened emotions since the day you came back and I know it would take time for you to adjust again so I let it be."

He was speechless for a few minutes just staring ahead at the glittering lights of the city against the dark sky before he looked at her and said a soft "Thank you." This girl who had been called emotionless and cold by everyone was one of very few people who understood what he needed even if she had never met him before.

They sat together in comfortable silence when it was interrupted by the ping of her communicator, she took it out and whatever was on it turned her eyes glossy before she took a deep breath and tossed it as far as she could.

"Woah, what happened? Boy issues?" He laughed but then stopped when she turned to look at him. He saw her amethyst eyes welled up, showing what her face wasn't, vulnerability, hurt and sadness.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly and looked at the horizon before adding a couple of moments later "You can tell me, if you want." And when she gave him a look he raised his hands in mock surrender and added "Sometimes talking to strangers really helps and it's not like I am going to judge."

She stayed silent and looked back at the city for minutes and then said softly "I don't know why I am telling you this but here goes…I confessed my feelings and got rejected…with the very firm belief of his that it won't work out and now he is drunk and going around with fangirls of Jump City…goddess, I don't know why I am telling you this."

"Hey, it is okay I completely understand. He has always been like this, commitment phobic and anti- oh come on don't give me that look. It's obvious that the guy is boy wonder…. and hey, I know from first-hand experience that dick sometimes really justifies his name." he shrugged, anyone could see from seeing their interactions that the dark beauty had feelings for the titan leader and he didn't know why a pang coursed through him thinking about the empath and his older 'brother' together but then he heard the most wonderful sound, her laughing and he forgot all his previous dread.

He turned and took this time to fully study her. He didn't think that he ever saw her fully, clearly, either she had that hood covering her or her team had her attention.

She had beautiful amethyst eyes, her straight violet almost black hair touched her waist, her rare and precious smile made his heart skip a beat. She had a small, petite frame that even while sitting she reached his shoulder and his eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when he saw that she didn't have that cape to cover her, she was sitting in her leotard with her legs bare in this cold wind. Must be that demon heritage, he thought to himself as his eyes lingered on her bare legs, a wave of desire coursing through him but he forced his eyes away and thanked the gods above that it was dark so that she couldn't see his blush clearly.

After that chance meeting, they met on that same spot almost every night, sometimes sitting in silence and other times talking about anything and everything. She was someone he could open up to and he always felt lighter and happier after talking to her. They started hanging out together, visiting various places, having fun and just behaving like normal humans who were not burdened like they both were.

Slowly her feelings for the Boy wonder began to fade away and something new, something different, something intense began blooming for her new and unexpected companion.

And now here they were in a club together and tonight was the night, when he would make her his. He gulped his drink in a single sip and walked towards her with strong, purposeful steps, his gaze never moving away from her.

The light touches, the inside jokes, the flirting and the way his heart starts beating like he had just ran a marathon when he was near her. He felt like himself when he was around her, not like Red X, or like a Gotham street rat, or someone who was trying to fit in with the high society, but like Jason Todd, who he was in his purest form without his demons weighing him down, making him something he was not.

It was funny that a half demon empath was the one who freed him of his demons. But he wouldn't have it any other way.

He felt happy, free and like he could breathe more clearly, like oxygen was rejuvenating every cell of his body, now he was alive. And it was all because of the empath that he wanted to call his.

His eyes raked over her entire being as she moved her hips, while biting her lip. An action which drove him wild, sending shocks of desire through his entire body as she weaved a hand through her tresses and her body moved to the beat. Her eyes locked with his, inviting him, teasing him with her body.

He finally reached where she was and walked around her as she danced, examining her entire being when he suddenly pressed his front to her back, trapping her between his strong and protective arms and moved their body together with the beat.

Their hips joined and she melted into him as she rested her head on his chest and reached back to rest one of her hands around his neck and pulled his face closer to hers while the other rested on his which were holding her waist to his.

No words needed to be shared; they spoke through their eyes, their bodies as they moved together. He pressed himself close to him softly breathing in her ear as she felt the splendor that Jason Todd and what splendor it was. Both of them forgetting where they were, feeling like the only two people present in this moment, this moment which was theirs.

She could feel the warmth of his touching burning through her dress from where they were splayed on her waist almost like leaving a mark on her body, telling her that she was his. Conveying to her that he was here to claim, to put an end to the game they both were playing.

He leaned down, his breath tickling her neck as he whispered "Don't you have a crime to stop, Raven?" Reminding her of their first meeting and she smiled as she leaned further into him and replied "Don't you have something to steal, Red X?" making him wrap his arms tighter around her and started placing feather light kisses on her neck, making her head roll back as she suppressed a moan when he paid more attention to her sweet spot all the while their hips never moving.

She with sudden and swift movements spun around taking him by surprise but he was quick to regain his senses as he pulled her closer to him, pressing their entire beings together. Her flushed face from the dancing and her red bitten lips making his groan as she teasingly lifted her leg slightly, loosely wrapping it around his thigh and pulled his neck down. But with quick movements he shifted making Raven wrap her leg tighter around his upper thigh, making both of them feel everything.

He dipped down, taking her with him. Her hands wrapped around his neck with one of her legs wrapped around his. His one hand wrapped around her waist and the other supporting her neck as he further leaned down and said feeling her hot breath on his face and their chests heaved together from all this dancing.

Their noses were touching and he struggled to control himself when he saw her half hooded eyes filled with desire and affection looking at his lips and then in his sea green ones. He pulled her even closer and said with his eyes mirroring hers "Only if it's your heart Raven…nothing else interests me anymore, nothing else that I want to possess, treasure and cherish... You have bewitched me."

She smiled making his heart beat even faster and slowly leaned up to capture his lips with hers. And he lost all his senses, as white hot electricity flowed through their veins making them gain all their senses but at the same intoxicating them as both of them lost themselves in each other. He knew at that moment that he would never ever let her go.

A fire burned through them both threatening to leave nothing in its wake and they were happy to be burned. Their bodies pressed so tightly together that they more or less melted into each other not knowing where one began and where the other ended, they were one.

Fin. I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Thank you.

#jayrae #raven #dc comics #dc #redrae #raex #jason todd #redx #too late #fluff #teen titans #moving on

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kiarcheo · 3 years

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It’s All Coming Back to Me Now 4/?

To read on Ao3 click here

You can read the previous parts on Tumblr click here

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By the time Anne announces she is ready to present a first version of her song, everyone is quite curious to see what she cooked up.

‘I thought about what Anna and Kat said last time. About making it modern…and have everyone involved.’ Anne explains as Kat once again sets up her laptop. ‘So Kat is doing the chorus, which would be your parts.’

Grew up in the French Court Oui, oui, bonjour

Laughter immediately follow the exaggerated French accent coming from the queen who speak the language as fluently and perfectly as her native one.

All the British dudes, lame

Catalina and Anna share a look as Kat chimes in with ‘epic fail’. They had bonded over being shipped to a foreign country not knowing a single word of English to marry some random dude...They are not going to have problems singing that part like they mean it.

(Ooh) I wanna dance and sing (Politics) Not my thing

Catalina barely restrains a snort. Definitely her thing.

(You sent him kisses) I didn't know I would move in with his missus (What?) Get a life (You're living with his wife?)

Kat is extremely convincing at acting shocked at Anne’s actions and then clearly uncomfortable at the next verse, looking down at her feet.

(Ooh) Don't be bitter (Ooh) 'cause I'm fitter (Ooh) Why hasn't it hit her? He doesn't want to bang you Somebody hang you

‘Do you really have to use that language?’ Jane asks after they have all complimented Anne for her song.

‘What? Bitch?’ It’s quite clear to everyone that Anne is trying to rile Jane up. ‘If Catalina can say shit, why can’t I say bitch?’

Both Catalina and Anna nod at Anne’s words. Jane sends her a not-impressed look. She knows she is now repeating that word on purpose now, just to annoy her.

‘They don’t actually say it. Neither of them.’ Kat points out, raising her eye for the first time since half-way through the song, but still avoiding looking at Catalina.

'Moving on,’ Jane concedes, ‘while I technically understand all the words, there are some parts I don’t really...what xo means?’ Unlike Anne, Anna and Kat, Jane had not immediately taken to modern pop culture. At the moment she is trying to understand memes, much to the others’ amusement. They even have a group chat just devoted to sending her memes and gifs to see what she thinks they are and then explaining them. Most of the time Jane regrets having joined the chat and she would just abandon it if she didn’t know that they would add her back in immediately…and also that it’s all good-natured teasing.

‘Hugs and Kisses. Like, if you text someone and you sign off with xo it stands for that. X for kisses and O for hugs.’

'Aaah-’ Jane nods. That makes sense. That’s why Kat followed that line with ‘you sent him kisses’. ‘What about x-rated? It's kisses related too?’

‘In a way.’ Anne guffaws.

‘When something has a x rating, it’s because it’s very explicit. For adults only.’

The others look mildly amused at her innocence and Cathy’s explanation, but Anna is sure Jane will be uncomfortable once she realises. ‘Sex, Jane.’ She cuts it short.

‘You know what?’ Jane’s face is aflame. ‘If you give me the words, I’m going to look them up for myself.’

‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ Jane stops Kat as the meeting wraps up.

‘Want me to wait for you?’ Catalina asks.

‘If you don’t mind.’ Kat sends her a smile, before turning her attention to Jane.

‘I wanted to ask if you could help me out with my song. You wrote Catalina’s, right?’

‘Well, she wrote the words, I just played around, adjusted some bits and added others, you know, for rhymes and rhythm, and stuff like that.’

‘It’s just that...I know what I want to say, but words have never been my strong suit.’ Jane admits self-consciously. ‘If you could help me with that too. And the music. Obviously. To use Anne’s words. Not my thing.’ Jane smiles self-deprecatingly.

‘I would love to!’ Kat smiles encouragingly. ‘Have you thought about what type of sound are you lookin...’ she trails off seeing the slight panic on her face. ‘Why don’t you just make a list of singers and songs that you like? And that you’d like your song to...well, not be similar, but you know?’

Jane nods. That she gets. They agree on meeting up soon to start working on the lyrics and that meanwhile Jane will send Kat songs to get inspirations for the music part.

‘Everything okay?’ Catalina asks as they fall into step.

Kat hesitates for brief second. She will know anyway once she starts spending a lot of time out of the house with Jane, just like she did while working on Anne’s song. Probably even more. And the others will find out when they present it. Make no sense to keep it secret. ‘She just wanted to ask for my help with her song.’

‘What about you?’ Kat asks after a bit, noticing the expression on Catalina’s face. ‘Are you upset about Anne’s song? I’m really sorry about...well, you know what part.’

‘Did you write it?’

‘No!’

‘Exactly.’ Catalina had noticed how uncomfortable the girl had looked and how she had avoided eye contact with her pretty much up until they had finished the meeting and she had spoken to her directly, asking whether she should wait for her or not. ‘Besides, she says it herself, she didn’t really mean it.’

‘Then what is it?’

‘Are you okay with all the...losing your head jokes?’

‘Not really bothered to be honest.’ Kat shrugs. She had time to get used to Anne joking about it and she can see the appeal. She had mentioned it to Cathy, who said something about using humour to cope with trauma and grief. ‘But I know it’s not that. What’s on your mind?’

Catalina sighs. Sometimes having someone knowing you backfires. And Kat does know her. Perhaps a little too well. ‘I know that she is playing around a lot. The “just want to have fun” vibe. The slang. Playing up the airhead persona. Blatantly lying about the politics thing.’ She shakes her head. Everyone who knows about Anne Boleyn will know that is not true. ‘But that line about her father...’ she trails off. She never really considered the role family politics might have played into the whole affair. She always assumed it had been all Anne.

‘That’s something you should ask her.’ Kat says after a beat. Her loyalty will always be to Catalina, but they are not pitted against each other anymore. She loves Anne as well and won’t betray her confidence. And this is a perfect example of why, at the time, which now feels like ages ago, she had requested not to be asked about the other queens, but for everyone to take it up with the person in question. ‘Just because you’re my mom it doesn’t mean rules don’t apply to you.’ Kat winks at her cheekily in an effort to lighten up the mood. Rationally she knows Catalina won’t be upset and will respect her wish not to talk about it. But she can’t help feeling like she is letting her down, disappointing her.

‘I’m proud of you.’

'Why?’

Because she is still caring and sweet despite everything and everyone? Because she never hesitates to use her talents to help others? Because she knows that the little girl who served her and whose priority was to please her is still very much present in Kat, no matter how many times she tells her that she is her daughter now, not her attendant, but here she is, in a way, standing up to her, to protect Anne’s privacy?

Kat sounds genuinely confused and it breaks Catalina’s heart. Every. Single. Time. She will keep telling her until one day Kat’s reaction won’t be surprise and incredulity.

‘I’d need a third lifetime to list all the reasons. But I’m always proud of you.’ Catalina slips her hand so that she is holding the crook of Kat’s elbow, now walking arm in arm. ‘Siempre, querida, siempre.’

When it comes to Jane’s turn, the set-up is a bit different. Upon Jane’s request, Kat is going to play the keyboard instead of having a track playing on her laptop. Despite Kat’s encouragement, Jane still doesn’t feel fully confident...especially about some parts of her song. More than once she suggested to take those out, afraid of chocking or freezing when singing in front of other people. Since when they had practiced with Kat on the keyboard, if Jane changed anything, the younger girl had been able to adapt the music on the spot...they had agreed that Kat will play and follows Jane’s lead, if she decides not to go full-out.

‘I’m sorry...you were the one worried about us singing ourselves??’ Anne breaks the silence that had settled as Jane’s song winded down.

‘Yes, girl!’ Anna agrees. ‘That’s some set of pipes.’

‘We might actually have a problem finding people who can sing that. Between you and Catalina...’ Cathy joins in. The new version of the first queen’s song had some new lines, minor changes and tweaks. And lots of riffing, with Catalina fully making the song hers while Kat had sung the added choruses.

‘I was surprised myself.’ Jane admits bashful at the praises. ‘We went through...scales?’ she looks at Kat to make sure she is saying it right.

‘Yes, I wanted to find her vocal range. See what was within her natural reach, how high she could get…and she kept going up and up.’ Kat nods with a laugh, remembering the scene and how shocked they had both been when they realised the potential of Jane’s voice. Once Kat heard her, she knew she simply had to include some whistle notes.

‘I think some vocal training would be good.’ Anne raises her hands at the looks she receives. ‘I don’t mean it like that. I already said that! Just...one thing is doing that once. Another is doing it repeatedly and consistently…and doing it well.’

‘She has a point.’ Everyone who had ever taken vocal lessons agree.

‘It’s like with playing an instrument or dancing. You might have talent, but you need to cultivate it. Study. Practice. Train.’

‘Talking about dancing,’ Catalina starts, ‘what do we think about choreographies? Jane’s song doesn’t lend itself, but I have some ideas for mine.’

Kat looks at her, raised eyebrow and amused expression on her face. Some ideas? She basically has choreographed half of the song already.

The exchange is missed as Anne exclaims. ‘Me too!’

Jane groans. ‘Not that too. I just solved one problem.’

‘Please,’ Anna scoffs good-natured at her, ‘next thing we know you’ll be popping and locking like a pro.’

‘I have no idea what you just said.’ Jane deadpans.

Anne and Catalina are still staring at each other. Kat and Cathy look from one to the other. The first two queens were both renowned, among a lot of other things, for being accomplished and skilful dancers. Things had gone quite smoothly so far, but they learned during their cohabitation to never underestimate what could start a squabble…or worse.

‘So,’ Anne clears her throat, suddenly awkward, ‘team up?’

Catalina ponders in silence a bit longer. ‘You know what? Why not!’

She doesn’t miss the relieved looks on the last two queens’ faces, before they turn to each other with excited grins. She supposes that her girl is happy that she is trying to get along with her cousin, whom she got even closer since they worked on Anne’s song together, and Cathy is probably happy with how her project is taking shape, and that others besides her (and Kat) are showing initiative. And both are probably happy that a potential quarrel had been avoided. The last two queens had been the ones most uncomfortable when discussions would happen at the household.

‘Anyone has anything else to add before we adjourn the meeting?’

‘Ohh, so profesh!’ Anne teases Cathy.

‘I actually have.’ Kat speaks up. ‘I thought about your idea of having an intro song...what if we make it about what we are known for?’

‘Oh. Like, this is what you think you know about us. Then bam! We have our songs that rewrite the whole history.’ Anna picks it up immediately.

‘Making it…her-story,’

Everyone turns to look at Jane, who appears very proud of her pun. Kat is the one who reacts first. Having spent long hours with her cousin while writing her song, she has come to know her love for puns and – usually lame – jokes. She whips out her pen to scribble something down on her pink notebook, before raising her head again. ‘But yes, Anna, that’s exactly what I meant.’

‘That makes sense.’ Anne nods.

‘We should include that stupid rhyme.’ Kat muses aloud. ‘You know, divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived...wait. Wait.’ she raises one hand as to silence the others while with her other hand she is busy writing on her notebook.

‘We are waiting.’ Catalina informs her, tone amused. ‘Not sure what for, though.’

Kat doesn’t reply until she stops writing. She gives a long look at the words she penned. ‘What about.

I'm done 'cause all this time I've been just one word In a stupid rhyme

‘We could use that as an actual intro!’ Anne lights up. ‘Like. Divorced and Catalina enters. Beheaded and I do. And so on.’

‘I haven’t started to think about that song at all.’ Cathy admits. She is slowly putting together her own. There is so much she wants to say and not much time…in a song. Sometimes she wishes she had less time to write, that she was not the last queen, because then she would have to take what she got and present it, instead of agonizing over every single word and whether there is a better one to use. ‘But just like this, on the spot...I think that stupid rhyme,’ she sends a smile to Kat, ‘could also work as refrain?’

#six the musical fanfiction #six the musical #catherine and katherine #six fanfiction #six writing #my six posts #six fanfic #six the musical fic #fic: It’s All Coming Back to Me Now #six the musical fanfic #six fic #mywork #my ideas #my posts

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halstudandruz · 5 years

Text

Knight in Shining Armour

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Jay is your knight in shining armor. Per the usual.

Warnings: Talk of abusive relationships.

To be blunt you were terrible at picking guys. You couldn’t name one of your ex’s who was just a decently good person. It wasn’t like you purposely chose them. They always seemed fine at first, but would quickly transform into something completely different. Your most recent boyfriend, Gage, was the worst. You had dated him for a little over a year before you could get away. There were nights where you truly feared for your safety and life in general. It didn’t start out like that, but 5 months in something sparked and he took a total 180. It was horrible and something you would never wish on somebody else. So naturally after meeting Jay you were super skeptical. He seemed like an amazing guy, but it was always in the back of your head that you had thought that before. Although you decided you couldn’t live in fear and stay single forever you were sure to keep him on a short leash, unknown to him. You and Jay had only been together a few months and you were not about to bring up any past trauma. He was dealing with his own issues from his past and you didn’t want to downplay those for your issues not to mention you didn’t want him to give you sympathy and treat you any differently, so you kept it to yourself. Even pretending like everything was fine whenever Jay woke you up in the middle of the night while you were having anxiety attacks. Automatically sliding far away from him to the other side of the bed when you would meet his eyes looking down at you with concern. You and Jay hadn’t fought at all in the months you had been dating. You were not about to start an argument or even fuel one in complete fear of knowing how it could end. So, whenever Jay had gotten mad at you for not telling him you were going to be a few hours late getting to his house from work all you did was quietly apologize standing a little closer to the corner of the room than what a normal person probably would.

“Do you realize how worried I was?” He half yelled. Your mouth was clenched tight as you nodded your head, lump in your throat, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, feeling your limbs start to shake. “[Y/N]? Are you just going to ignore me?” He huffed throwing his hands up in the air causing you to flinch hard, wincing as an automatic reaction, and when you looked back up Jay stood frozen, confusion and shock written all over his face. He swallowed hard before taking a few very slow steps towards you.

“[Y/N]?” He asked voice just above a whisper, jumping a little as he laid a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Did-did you think…” He trailed off taking in your appearance.”Oh my god...why didn’t you tell me?” He asked realization surfacing on his face. His soft and gentle voice made you burst into a sob. He pulled you into a hug guiding you over to the couch and letting you cry into his chest while he stroked your hair and occasionally kissed your head. His other hand rubbing soft circles on your back. Once you slightly composed yourself again you pulled back looking at Jay’s face full of anger as well as a mix of sadness and sympathy. He took a deep breath cupping your face in his hands, thumbs attempting to rub away the tears still on your face, although it was a lost cause at that point. His lips very gently grazing yours. “You know we have to talk about this, right?” He asked grabbing ahold of your hands with his. You bit your lip nodding averting your eyes from his. “Baby. Look at me.” He said sternly but gently making you sigh turning your eyes back to meet his. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He repeated his question from earlier.

“I..I don’t know. I was scared I guess.” You admitted.

“Of what?” He continued.

“You treating me differently. You have enough to worry about yourself I don-“ You started before he cut you off.

“No. Absolutely not. Don’t do that. My problems are not anymore important than yours. You’re my girlfriend, [Y/N]. We’re a team. We tackle things together. We communicate, or else this won’t work. Believe me I’ve been there. You can’t just let your worries and problems float by and bubble up because you’re worried about mine. Especially something as big as this.” He lectured squeezing your hands.

“I’m sorry..” You whispered tears surfacing again.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for sweetheart. I just need you to know I would never and will never hurt you. Ever. The guy that did this...he’s not a man. He’s a coward and deserves every bit of..” He started, anger visibly boiling up before he stopped himself taking a deep breath making you smile slightly.

“You’re hot when you’re protective.” You joked smiling a little bigger now.

“Aren’t I hot all the time?” He smirked cockily.

“Yeah, that’s true.” You shrugged agreeing and leaning forward to kiss him deeply. That night was about a month ago and you honestly felt a weight off your shoulders. Nothing had changed between you and Jay expect for him being able to understand more now when he wakes you up from a nightmare, and being more conscientious when he gets frustrated and worked up. Jay had an early day at work so he was on the couch napping in your apartment as you worked on getting things together to make dinner. That was until you heard a loud knocking on your door. You hurried to open it in hopes that the person wouldn’t wake up Jay. You were shocked to find Gage standing in your doorway. “Gage? What are you doing here?” You asked in a hushed voice.

“Well-“ He began talking very loudly, clearly drunk. You pushed him further out into the hallway stepping out and closing the door behind you, knowing if Jay got ahold of him there was a chance he would be going to jail for murder tonight.

“What do you want? I gave you all your shit back months ago.” You said crossing your arms against your chest.

“I missed you. I know you miss me too so you can stop pre-“ He started to ramble before you heard the door open. Turning around you seen Jay sticking his head out.

“Babe?” He asked confusion on his face looking between you and your ex. Gage laughed loudly at Jay’s “pet name” for you. Jay looked at him like he was deranged before realization flashed on his face, anger very quickly replacing it. “It’s him isn’t it?” He asked eyes still on Gage.

“Is this why you left me? You wanted to run around and be a whore?” Gage asked nodding towards Jay. It took all about 2 seconds for Jay to fly out pinning Gage against the wall.

“So you do have a death wish?” Jay growled pulling his fist back.

“Hey hey hey man!” Gage yelled arms up in defensive, head turned away.

“What? You don’t want me to hit you? You clearly didn’t have a problem doing it to her.” Jay yelled.

“Jay.” You said calmly watching his fist fall back to his side and shoulders relax at your voice.

“Dude I swear you are sorriest excuse for a man, and I can promise you if I ever see you again you’re gonna regret ever being alive.” Jay said calmly through a tightly clenched jaw before letting go of Gage and backing up to your side. Gage’s eyes were as wide as saucers nodding quickly before turning and hurrying down the hall.

“Well that was..” you trailed off clearing your throat.

“Hot?” Jay finished for you turning to you with a smirk.

“So hot.” You sighed biting your lip making him laugh. You moved to hug him tightly kissing his neck. “Seriously you’re so amazing. Thank you.” You said looking up at him.

“You deserve the world and I plan to give that to you.” He replied smiling, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, and kissing you gently. “Okay I’m starving. What are you making your knight in shining armour to eat?” He asked taking your hand and dragging you back in your apartment.

#jayhalsteadxreader #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd

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hecohansen31 · 4 years

Text

Bad Kind Of Butterflies:

Werewolf! Duncan+Half Witch-Half Werewolf! Reader.

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

This is the second part to this ask!

I am in a rather ‘Duncan Shepherd Mood’, in fact other than this entire series (as always: let me know if you want more and if you have any special asks about this couple) I am writing another and I hope to be writing another about Michael.

I took a bit of a pause from asks, I have just two in my inbox so I am chilling a bit, and having a bit more of fun with original things, which I hope won’t be a problem for you lovelies!

With this being said, I hope you’ll enjoy this!

WARNINGS: Mention of Past Trauma, Problematic Family Relationship, Mention of Murder, Talk About Abortion/Pregnancy/Babies (if anything about this triggers you, this might not be the fic for you)/Light Angst-Fluff.

Your meetings with Duncan had become more frequent after your first ‘mating’.

But you both didn’t assume they were nothing more than simple ‘stress-relievers’ for each other, about which you wouldn’t talk about, ever.

And you also didn’t talk about the cuddles that came after everything had ‘gone down’.

You blamed it on Duncan’s improving skills, having made him an impeccable lover, who, instead of his younger self, was always ready to listen to her, appreciating your body in a way that nobody had ever did, almost as if he knew its reaction before they happened.

He knew just exactly what had to happen to make you gasp and hold your breath, meanwhile her stomach went taunt in anticipation.

You hoped that he felt the same way towards you, although you had only half the experience he had gained, but you made up for it with sarcasm and wittiness, with those laughs that made Duncan move your drenched hair from your face, smirking at you, before he bit aggressively your lips, as a way to tell you to shut up.

You never did.

Even that morning your coupling had been like that: you had spoken back to him, and he had taken it to himself to make you blush with the way you screamed his name, pleading with him for just that missing piece he wouldn’t relent to you.

Although you had to admit that it had been cut short by the ringing of your alarm, since that day you couldn’t stay at Washington but you had a scheduled trip to New Orleans, and although Duncan had protested and suggested you just spent the day with him, you had denied his request.

‘I have important things unlike you’.

You had meant it as a joke, but Duncan hadn’t laughed, probably having hit a sore nerve, the one of his family and his business in it, one of the other reasons why he had been hounding you as a lost soul, wanting desperately to feel something alive, which wasn’t a lie.

And you had indulged him.

You didn’t know if it was because you got some kind of sick satisfaction with the way he begged you desperately for more, when it was your turn to reign him or because you were developing a sicker affection towards the boy who had broken your heart.

Either way, the trip to New Orleans was needed also to clear your head from those notions.

But the thought of Duncan stuck farther than you had thought.

‘(Y/N)’ called her Cordelia, evidently since you had gotten distracted thinking about your ‘almost-relationship’ with Duncan ‘… is everything alright, sweetheart?’.

‘Yes, I am sorry… I have just been�� a bit… on cloud nine, lately” you mumbled, meanwhile your ex-headmaster looked surprised but didn’t say anything, anymore, just gently pushing the cup of tea she had gotten ready for you, in your hands.

“It happens to everyone, sometimes” she smirked, mostly noticing the way your cheeks lighted up, lightly dusting pink over them “… even more when we are bothered by something”.

“I just… I am doing fine… like really” although you were still mourning the loss of your father and trying to find any clue on his death, you were… for the first time ever breathing.

Although you had to admit that you had thought you would again waste yourself in Washington, it hadn’t happened.

The challenge had made you blossom and grow, and you couldn’t help but feel like you were slowly reaching a new generation, where peace between different magical creatures was possible.

And then there was Duncan… but your preferred not to put him in the category of good things, since the last time you had… it hadn’t turned out well…

“… still I feel like something is strange about your body” mumbled Cordelia, as she brought the up the cup of tea to her lips, barely wetting them with the tea, before she sent you a rather questioning look, making you almost feel naked “… would you mind if I check it? I wouldn’t want it to be anything dangerous”.

You nodded, although you hadn’t felt anything bad happening to your body, except a general tiredness, which might have been caused by the fact that you found it extremely difficult to fall asleep at a decent hour and not wake up at the crack of dawn.

But Cordelia might get something to help with sleep or to energize your body.

What you hadn’t expected was the outcome of Cordelia’s quick check-up, after she examined your heartbeat and your stomach, where she obviously found a rather interesting news, since she brightened up, pushing her hands lightly onto your stomach, meanwhile you felt a light tickle onto it, as the light showed a little shape in your stomach.

You were rather shocked and immediately looked at Cordelia, worried, but she held one of the biggest smiles you had ever seen, although it was tinged with a soft dash of nostalgy.

“Is something wrong?” you asked worried that it might be some kind of tumor or bad cells or mass “…should I be worried?”.

“Nothing too bad, lovely” giggled gently Cordelia, leaning closer “… I should actually say ‘congratulations’, since you are pregnant, (Y/N)”.

“What?!” you were shocked, to say the least, and immediately rushed to mumble “… I haven’t… I…”.

“… had sex?” tried to complete Cordelia “… I don’t believe that this is an immaculate conception and I am pretty sure you are with child, (Y/N)”.

“I have used birth control, I can’t… this is not possible” because you had had unprotected sex with somebody else, in the past, with your previous partners and nothing… no baby had come from it.

“Birth control might work, but not always…” she mumbled, explaining it as if it was the most natural thing ever, meanwhile you couldn’t even process the fact that a baby was growing in your stomach “… and there might be some situations which might lessen the birth control’s effect”.

You thought about what might have made your birth less effective: you had taken it perfectly and hadn’t eaten or taken any other drug.

The only thing that had changed was… that you had had sex with Duncan on his heat.

Which might have blocked the effectivity since heats were made for females to become pregnant.

And this didn’t absolutely allow any exceptions.

As realization appeared on your face somehow, Cordelia realized your uneasiness on the entire topic.

“You don’t want it?”.

It wasn’t that you wanted it or not… you just…

It was all so confusing, since you had just gone to Cordelia for a quick check-up and you found out you were with child, from the man who hated the same nature that you would have partially passed to your child.

“... I just… I am confused” you spoke, breathing out loudly, meanwhile Cordelia pushed gently an hand onto your stomach, linking with yours so that you could feel the small little thing was creating in your stomach, leaving you no choice but acknowledge that you weren’t alone anymore “… I never thought about it… I never thought it would happen… so early…”.

“I know that you are confused, sweetheart” softly cooed Cordelia, although she didn’t know by experience she must have realized she was slowly panicking and moved to collect the tea, pushing it into your hands “… but you don’t have to do anything”.

Which was the opposite of what was going through your mind: should you keep the baby?

A part of you didn’t even question it: like Cordelia getting pregnant for you was supposed to be pretty difficult, it was part of being half witch and half werewolf, so you should have just taken this as a miracle, not to talk about the fact that, although you were pretty young, you were established in life.

But at the same time, the thought of another ‘little you’ living in Washington made you sick, alongside the thought of explaining to Duncan that he had gotten you pregnant.

It would have been awkward.

“You can stay here for a bit, I’ll handle Washington in the meantime, if it’ll make you feel better” suggested Cordelia, meanwhile she adjusted your shirt to give you a bit of modesty “… you can stay with your sisters, if you feel more comfortable”.

And although she wasn’t saying, she was obviously implying that you would avoid the father of the child.

Which would have been a good idea.

But you just didn’t feel like hiding anymore.

Washington had been good for you, because it had broken you out of your comfort zone and gotten you to raise your voice to get what you want, which was rather nice, although tiring.

But when had you ever chosen something easy?

“Thank you, Cordelia, but I prefer to go back, I have things to do, and it’ll help me to clear my head for the decision” one you wouldn’t make lightheartedly.

Cordelia nodded, although you saw that she was sad that you wouldn’t be staying but didn’t stop you.

You knew she hoped that you would keep it, as the child she had never been able to have.

But you wondered whether she would have kept this idea had she known to whom also, the children belonged.

She suggested you a few good vitamins to keep you and the baby healthy and told you that in case you intended to end the pregnancy to let her know so that she could accompany you there.

‘It isn’t something women should do alone, and not because we are weak or not strong enough but because… we sometimes… pretend to be stronger than we have to be’.

You had just hugged tighter and thanked her for everything.

On the way back home you had thought that the first step, before you thought about keeping it or not, was talking with Duncan, not because you’d obey anything he might think about the pregnancy, but you thought it would have been nice to actually tell him about it.

And not withhold information like his family had done with him.

You already knew that Duncan, if you decided to keep the child, wouldn’t want anything to do with them, but you felt like it would be at least nice to warn him that in nine months he might see a little Duncan by your side.

Your mind spiraled down onto darker thoughts about Duncan telling you to quit the pregnancy, exactly with the same ‘gentleness’ he had used, a lot of years ago, when he had broken up with you.

In that case, although it was petty, you thought about keeping the baby just to spite him.

You gave some rest to your mind, quickly setting up the table as you arrived home, meanwhile you tried to cook something, mostly to eat the vitamins that Cordelia had given to you, since you didn’t feel hungry.

But just as you were setting up the glasses, trying not to burn the quick soup you were making, the doorbell rang and you rushed to get in a bit weirded out by the hour of this visit, but you had some people coming at your house at even worse hours, mostly Faes since they didn’t have the knowledge of time, as humans.

… and Duncan.

… who was standing at your door, looking at you as if he had just swallowed a frog and with a dossier of papers in his hands.

“Well, did you miss me already?” you joked, thinking that this was definitely the Universe sending you some kind of signs that you were thoroughly fucked.

“More than you can think sweetheart…” although his tone was tired and sarcastic it held some sweetness in it that got you blushing softly “… I have some things to discuss with you, if you have the time”.

You just opened further your door, turning to check onto your ‘newly-burned’ soup.

“… still trying to cook, (L/N)?” he joked, passing you to the kitchen to take in the little massacre that your soup was, before he moved around the kitchen to collect various items to cook, both of you, dinner, meanwhile you looked at him shocked.

“I am truly scared that you know where all my things are” you mumbled softly, meanwhile he moved onto you, pushing lightly his body against you to collect something on your shoulder.

“Oh, don’t complain, beauty” he replied, meanwhile he started up the water where you would boil pasta for the night “… mostly when you get amazing pieces of food each day for free”.

“Oh, please excuse my arrogant ass but I thought that my hospitality was a payment enough for all your services” you sassed him back and he laughed loudly, making him smirk lightly “I am supposed to be good at cooking, I used to be amazing at potions”:

“Potions and food are two completely different things” he reinforced immediately, making you smirk lightly “…please don’t confuse yourself, I wouldn’t want to be turned in a bat”.

“I was thinking more of a donkey, like in the ‘Metamorphosis’ by Apuleio” Duncan literally sent you the blankest look ever, and you then refocused on the files of paper that were set onto your kitchen table “… but what are you doing here?”.

‘Please don’t tell me you realized that your heat might have gotten me pregnant’.

Duncan seemed almost taken aback but set back the cover onto the pot and then let the entire thing cook itself for quite a bit.

“You are not one for small talk, aren’t you?” he joked, with a sad smile onto his face.

“You used to think it was my best trait” you shot back, meanwhile you sat down onto your side, collecting in the meanwhile two glasses and a beer for Duncan and a bottle of water for you.

“.. then you grew tits” your harsh glare was enough to tell him not to joke about this “… but you are alright there is no need to talk around this question...”.

He then pushed the dossier with the papers towards you, to make you read them, meanwhile a hand went to your stomach, almost absentmindedly.

The dossier had two documents: one had your father’s paper, the one he used for the official documents and you had kept as an emotional comfort.

It was a decree to be proposed to the assembly of the clans, about the inheritance of the role as the alpha of the clans.

Although you weren’t one of the competitors, the document suggested you as your father’s successor, mostly because of the inability of the competitors: Duncan was not considered anymore eligible because he wasn’t a direct descendant of the Shepherd clan, which you knew must have broken Duncan’s heart.

But worse than that, there was also the refusal of Bill Shepherd, Duncan’s uncle and actual leader of the clans, since, from what your father had written, ‘he wasn’t able of any sympathy towards any different magical creature that wasn’t a werewolf and is actually more than happy to let a war happen to keep his family on top of the social ladder’.

They were strong affirmations, but you knew of your father’s opinion of Bill: he might tolerate Annette, but, to him, Bill was the worst thing that could ever take form as a werewolf.

But what shocked you was that your father had suggested that you took his place, although you weren’t in any way equipped and he should have known better, mostly because he had been the one who had told you to run away and never come back.

“… I found them, meanwhile I was looking through some stuff at my… Annette’s apartment…” he didn’t stay there anymore, avoiding it like the plague, preferring to stay either at his apartment or at yours, the most chosen “…I just needed some new paper and I…”.

“Did you nose around, Annette’s stuff?” although it might not seem the most terrible thing ever, you knew that it had taken a lot of guts for Duncan to do that, mostly if you thought about how attached he had been to his mother.

“Not exactly… I was nosing through my stuff, in Annette’s house” he replied, before he moved the other document towards you “… but this is more interesting and is what caught my eye”.

You set your sight onto the other document, finding it wasn’t anything related to what you had read before, finding it was an actual receipt about a purchase of a substance.

You knew the substance because you had studied it and it could be definitely one of the few you could use to fake a heart-attack and avoid it being detected.

It wasn’t a direct clue to her father’s death, but it definitely showed much more clearness, alongside matching your opinion on your father’s death.

“… it is a receipt for a substance I made some researches about, it is used for poisoning… it can be sold on the black market online and my uncle Bill has ordered some, enough to kill a man”.

Duncan was offering her both the reason and the weapon of the murder of his father, but you didn’t understand why he had come to you, instead of burning the documents.

He wasn’t faking the things: you could see the authenticity of the documents and you couldn’t see a reason why he would give you fake documents that would incriminate his family.

“Duncan… you just… are you sure…?”.

“For all my life I fucking had to listen to what that asshole asked of me, he treated me like shit and even worse, but…I never thought… your father… he was… he was nice with me I would have left the lead to you… I mean… not without a fight, but… I understood why he hadn’t wanted Bill beside him… he is…”.

Duncan’s shoulder shook with anger and again your hand gripped even tighter your stomach, in a rather protective stance.

“… what I am saying is that… my family has wronged you in so many ways, and I hoped that this could somehow right all the wrongs, although I know it isn’t possible, I hope it is a start”.

You still didn’t understand Duncan’s complete motives, but you took the documents, since you were sure that Cordelia could control them and look for clues, better than you, in your state.

Duncan let you took them, a look of total despair on his face since you were more than well aware that he must have been feeling extremely shitty at an even worse realization that his ‘parents’ had lied even more to him, showing him even darker skeletons in his wardrobe.

You, on your own, didn’t know what to do.

You didn’t honestly understand whether you should be pissed off, angry or scared: the thought that Billy had murdered your father didn’t make you feel almost anything…

You had already processed that the Shepherd might have had some kind of involvement in the whole things, but to see it was real, it was too shocking for you to register it fully, hence you didn’t know how to react, preferring to wait for Cordelia’s opinion on the matter.

You didn’t want anger or sadness to cloud your view of the entire thing.

You just couldn’t.

“I know this is too much to take and…” Duncan wasn’t even looking at you anymore “… but I understand if you… don’t want to see each other anymore”.

You didn’t know whether it was the frail way his voice trembled, clearly full of emotion or the fact that you sit couldn’t hold it anymore, but you blurted out.

“I am pregnant”.

Duncan looked at you confused, and you were just able to mumble:

“I am with your child” again an even more confused look “…you put a bun in my oven”.

Duncan finally reacted, paling immensely and you rushed to his side, worried he might faint.

“… I … you… child…” he mumbled, barely able to link the three things together, and your mind started rushing.

“Yeah, we did a child, and I know it’s yours because you are the only one I have been with” she wouldn’t have been surprised if Duncan questioned the paternity of the baby “… the birth control didn’t work because you were in heat, not saying it’s your fault, but I wasn’t expecting it exactly like you”.

“Have you decided what to do?” Duncan’s rough voice tickled your ears “… I mean… are you going to keep it?”.

“I don’t know” you mumbled honestly, setting up on the table in front of him “… I haven’t… for me it is difficult to have children, so I am thinking about keeping it, although I don’t want them to grow up here, so maybe…”.

“Why wouldn’t you want them grow up here?” Duncan seemed more involved than you had thought.

“Duncan, they would be exactly like me and I didn’t have a happy childhood” you didn’t want your child to go through the same thing as you, if you could avoid them at least that.

“Much has changed, (Y/N)” spoke Duncan, his voice sure and determined “… and much has changed thank to you, now somebody like you would be accepted, I am sure”.

“You don’t understand Duncan… you are not…”.

“I don’t fit in exactly like you” he interrupted you “… I am the forgotten son of a maid raised by somebody who just wanted him because of need… I don’t think that anybody truly fit in, but as you as a mother and a coven leader… you can change this place, you have already started”.

You didn’t know if it was the flattery that Duncan was playing or your hormones just fucking everything up already, but the discourse truly moved you.

“… if I do keep it, you don’t have to have an active role in their life” you mumbled, knowing this might be a pressing matter for Duncan “… I won’t disclose that you are their father or want anything from you, if you don’t want it”.

Duncan looked almost hurt by your affirmation, but he didn’t react, just simply reached out for your hand, grabbing effectively your attention.

“… if you do keep it, and I am saying this only if you truly feel like keeping it…” he raised his eyes to meet yours “… I would like to be a part of his life”.

This shocked you, because you hadn’t expected in the slightest Duncan to act like that.

“… maybe it is the fact that I don’t have a family myself, so I am trying to latch onto anything that might seem a family, or maybe it is the fact that I don’t want you to go through this alone and maybe… I am curious what it is like to be a father, my wolf certainly won’t forgive me, if I just abandon my puppy”.

Werewolves treated children as their most-priced-possessions, so Duncan was definitely right that it wouldn’t have approved.

You felt tears pricking at your eyes, and when Duncan reached out to softly dry them, you just pushed yourself a bit back from his hold.

“It’s the stupid hormones” you mumbled, pushing yourself to dry your tears with your sweatshirt’s sleeves, meanwhile you jumped off the table and pushed yourself onto the floor, with Duncan looking at you worriedly, proving the overprotectiveness that wolves felt towards their pregnant mates “… I am sure that you’ll see plenty of this”.

“I am willing to see many of these more, just please don’t cry for me, ok?” he mumbled gently caressing your side in a reassuring matter “… it breaks my heart”.

You wanted to throw back in his face that he had broken your heart already and made you cry for him much more than he had simply thought.

But you held your words: if you wanted all this to work, you would have both to swallow some pretty awful things.

Starting from the fact that the man who had killed your beloved father was his uncle.

Maybe this was all too fucked up for a child to grow up in.

“Can I?” mumbled Duncan suddenly, pushing himself away from you and gently pointing to your stomach, clearly asking if he could feel the baby and you just nodded.

Immediately the man was down on his knees, raising softly the thin cotton of your shirt, and lowering lightly your jeans, finally coming to contact where the little bub was supposed to be.

“Hey, little one…” you honestly wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation but were completely swept in by Duncan’s sweet tone “…I am your sperm donor, I don’t know if your mom will ever allow you to call me dad”.

You rolled your eyes, but Duncan was right, although he might make an appearance in the bub’s life, if you decided to keep it, you didn’t know if you could have him be a proper dad for him, mostly with all the mess between your families.

And their past.

“… but I already like you, and I am low key proud of you, although I don’t know if you are a little girl or a little boy, I don’t mind… I mean you could be both… me and your mom have worked so….”.

You slapped Duncan’s ear to make him stop the line of profanities that he was uttering.

“Not in front of the child!”.

“Our child is the size of a peanut” he replied, sending you a meaningful but joking look and you knew it was enough.

But you were greatly moved by the mention of ‘our child’.

Duncan spoke more ‘gibberish’ (which your hormones found tear-jerking) at the child and by then it was late enough that he also realized that it was too late for him to stay.

He wished you both ‘goodnight’, gently kissing again your stomach and your forehead, in a ‘goodbye’ kind of way, his step joyful as he reached the car.

And your heart sunk once he wasn’t there.

An important decision was to be made that night.

---

I am tagging a few person I think might like this!

@blakewaterxx, @codyfernmorelikedaddyfern @dyns33 @serenitybloodmoon @emmyrosee @lovelylangdonx @kaetastic @1-800-bitchcraft @ladynuwanda @so-langdon @lathraios @rosegoldrichie

#duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd reader #duncan shepherd x reader #duncan shepherd imagine #duncan shepherd fic #duncan shepherd smut #werewolf! duncan #duncan reader #duncan x reader #duncan shepherd moodboard #house of cards #hoc #hoc imagine #house of cards imagine #michael langdon #michael langdon reader

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years

Note

title: "we hide within our veins the things that keep us bound to one another"

An Alvareider fic!! My first. I am trash and I am not ashamed. They’re so in a grey zone between Luke/Lorelai, Barney/Robin and Joey/Rachel and I would go down with all those ships so I am gonna make Alvareider happen.

**CONTAINS SEASON TWO SPOILERS**

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

“That’s what you think, that I just…get whatever I want?”

“Schneider, I worked my ass off my entire life while you were living on your daddy’s money. You do get whatever you want.”

If Schneider were a different kind of guy–if he were the kind of guy he so often pretended to be–it would have happened that night.

“There’s got to be another way to feel happy.”

She couldn’t feel anything half the time and she loved Max but she didn’t trust him, not completely, not yet…so it was Schneider she went to. Even after she’d done her best to ruin their friendship, it was his door she knocked on in her pajamas with her face blotchy from crying.

She had been doing that more lately: turning to Schneider, of all people.

Penelope couldn’t pinpoint the moment when it happened, but at some point Schneider went from being somebody she wanted to lock out of her apartment to the man she trusted with her darkest secrets.

Maybe it was when he came back with Alex, ranting about how he couldn’t keep her son safe, and proved that he was the best one for the job.

Maybe it was when he was there for Elena before she came out, or when he flew her best friend in for her quinces.

She knew it was before he showed up to get her, clean-shaven and with that impossibly bright smile, smelling so damn good it short-circuited her exhausted brain.

It had to be before then; Penelope refused to think she might be that shallow.

What matters is that things shifted when she wasn’t looking, bringing her to his couch with apologies and confessions and her pain and her fear.

And as much as Schneider was an idiot, so casually privileged and cracking jokes at the worst moments…he took her seriously. He gave her the talking-to she needed, and the hugs she needed even more.

He gave her a safe place to land at rock bottom.

After all, Schneider knew rock bottom better than anybody.

What was it about her, Penelope wondered after that, that meant she kept giving up decent, attractive, interesting men for big human-shaped messes with addiction problems?

The difference, of course, between Victor and Schneider was the size of the Grand Canyon. Where Victor lied and avoided and shut down, Schneider was almost painfully sincere. A goofy, open book who had wedged himself into her family until he fit.

Who was working the program, keeping it together, and could talk to her about fucked up brains with personal authority.

Who loved her.

She didn’t think about that often, the way he so easily loved her and her Mami and her kids, the way Schneider made things like that look effortless while she struggled at every turn.

But she knew it was true; she knew that was why it took him less than three seconds to switch from hurt over the horrible things she said to pulling her to him, wrapping his arms around her and trying to comfort before he even knew what was wrong.

He was a good guy.

Which was why nothing happened.

The kind of man she once believed Schneider was, callous and chauvinistic and selfish, could have pressed his advantage, even knowing she was with Max.

Penelope was falling apart in front of him, she came to him when not even her own mother knew what she had done, and after she realized he actually was her best friend now–when did that happen?–Schneider could have made a move.

It would’ve ruined everything, but another man might have tried.

Victor had.

But Schneider didn’t. He tucked a curl behind her ear with that out-of-place sweetness she was still surprised by, and told her she really needed to tell Lydia.

“She loves you,” he pointed out. “She may not get it, but she wants you to be okay. You’re lucky, Pen.”

And with his five moms and distant dad, she knew he was an expert on that. Why else would he have needed the Alvarez clan so much?

She never should have said the things she said–hurting him because she knew he would let her–but they hit the mark because of the parts that were true. Schneider’s life was so empty in the ways that mattered, while in her family and her work she had so much.

In a very real way, Penelope had him to thank for that, because if Schneider had shut the door in her face rather than laying his own pain bare to help her, she couldn’t say she would have ended up okay. But she was.

After Lydia’s recovery, after they both became citizens and things were looking up, she went to him again.

She was back on her meds, she was level, but she still missed Max. Doing the right thing sucked, and Penelope was tired of making the responsible choice and ending up alone.

Kick the father of her children out again because he was never going to pull it together, because she couldn’t trust him?

Tell her boyfriend to go, because it was what’s best for him, no matter how much it hurt?

“Just once,” she told Schneider, who was blessedly alone in his apartment that night, no weird skinny girl hanging around in his t-shirt while he looked at Penelope like she was the only one in the room, “just once I want to do the selfish thing. Not the smart thing, the mature thing, the thing I know I should do.”

“Yeah?” He had an odd expression on his face, but she barely noticed it, too caught up in the pain she kept bringing to his door.

“Yeah. You know, sometimes being a parent really sucks. I can’t just have fun like you, do whatever I want…I have to do the best thing.”

“Penelope, you know you act like I have this charmed life?” Schneider ran a hand over his face and sighed. “It’s not like things are easy for me. I mean, yeah, sure, I’m smart and gorgeous, but that’s no guarantee of a good time.”

“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides the drugs, name one thing that you can’t just wave your money at and have, without even trying.”

“Seriously.”

Schneider was staring at her like she was stupid, which was usually her role in their relationship. It was unsettling.

“What?”

“That’s what you think, that I just…get whatever I want?”

“Schneider, I worked my ass off my entire life while you were living on your daddy’s money. You do get whatever you want.”

He blinked at her for a moment, the silence stretching out between them. Penelope watched as he reached up, very slowly, very deliberately, and took off his glasses.

He had done that before, blinking owlishly at her to make a point, but now there was no reason for it. She frowned, and waited.

There was literally nothing Schneider could have done to surprise her more than pausing while his glasses hit the side table with a quiet clink and then leaning in to brush his mouth over hers.

He could have gotten up and performed a musical for her of his own creation and Penelope would have cringed and tried to flee, but she also would have thought, classic Schneider, and taken it in stride.

This…this shocked her.

What shocked her even more was that she didn’t push him away. She was too stunned to kiss him back, but she let him run a hand up her shoulder to cup the back of her neck.

Before he tilted his head to change the angle of the kiss, Schneider pulled away just enough to focus those nearsighted eyes on hers, searching for consent.

Of course he didn’t push, of course he didn’t offer her some stupid comment to snap her out of the moment…of course he just waited, while she looked back at him and realized this wasn’t actually surprising.

Somehow, it also was not surprising, the way his eyelashes fluttered closed when Penelope crossed the distance to kiss him again. She’d seen how soft and sweet and even kind of delicate Schneider could be underneath that frustrating hipster attitude.

When she kissed him back, curiously more than anything, exploring what this was exactly, and he let out a little sigh with his eyes shut, she felt something that shouldn’t have surprised her at all.

Because the trauma that ran through her blood, that she would carry with her for the rest of her life, it was different from the neglect and the loneliness that ran through his…but it was the also the same.

She and Victor had nearly identical scars, which she thought was a good thing, until it wasn’t. She and Schneider had scars that matched like jigsaw pieces–it wasn’t like looking in a mirror, but it was like taking all worst things she wanted to hide about herself, and realizing they fit.

With him, they fit. He gets it.

He was her best friend and her family and the person she trusted when everything was too much.

She loved him, too.

So Penelope deepened the kiss into his sigh, sliding her tongue against his and almost laughing at the way his eyes flew open…as though he didn’t start this, as though he never expected her to reciprocate.

She remembered the conversation that led them here and realized he probably didn’t. It was her he was talking about, when he insisted he couldn’t always have what he wanted.

Penelope nearly stopped things right there, gave him back his glasses so he looked like Schneider again, and demanded answers. How long had he felt this way, been thinking about it?

Had it been there this whole time, while he ate meals with her family and tried to insert himself into her relationship and was always, always there for her?

She was a little bit afraid of the answer, and even more afraid that he’d want to know the same thing, from her side. She was not ready to think about that.

She didn’t come there to think.

She just wanted a break from being a mom and a daughter and ex-Army, the high achiever who could barely sleep at night. He knew all those sides of her, but it turned out Schneider also saw the side of her that she worried she gave up when she gave up Max. The needy, wanting side, the woman who took risks to be happy.

He looked at her, sitting there in a tank top and jeans and thinking the whole thing over, and Penelope looked back at him, his hair mussed and mouth slightly pink from her lipstick–and she knew he saw her. All of her.

When she nodded to herself and climbed half into his lap and kissed him harder, she swallowed his groan and let herself stop thinking.

After all, this was Schneider.

Whatever came next, she could trust him.

send me a fic title and i’ll tell you what story i would write

#one day at a time #alvareider #alright people it's time to make this happen #penelope x schneider #schneider x penelope #a crackship a rarepair my brotp #spoilers #cykluber #replies #odaat #odaat s2 #odaat spoilers #odaat fic #odaat fanfic #one day at a time fanfic #alvareider fanfic #alvareider fic #my fic

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anothergirlrecovering · 6 years

Text

Lynn 81

I got there five minutes early and the door was locked so no one was at Lynn’s office yet so I actually walked across the parking lot and use the bathroom at one of the other offices. When I came back when was there and had her door open and invited me in. She said hey stranger and I said hey, if feels like it’s been so long and she was like I know and I was like well I guess it has been like 2 1/2 weeks and she was like yeah. She asked me how I was doing and as usual, I said I was good. I said I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t seen come from away and she was like you know I listen to music for at least one of the songs and he didn’t really like it that much so I wasn’t really pushing for it and the tickets were hard to get an expensive and I was like listen you just sought mean girls and she laughed and was like OK but that’s one of those shows that’s right in my wheelhouse and she said that she would see the show and I was like do you not like Irish sounding music and she was like well I don’t know I just didn’t like whatever song that I had listen to you very much and she Was like but I’ll go see it and I was like OK. She asked how my trip was and what we did and I told her about how my mom was just super nice the entire time and how we went and saw the Phantom of the opera and I didn’t really like it and that they had gone to dinner and how shocked I was that my mom had actually said that she would come back to my brothers apartment and watch the Tonys with me and Lynn was like well maybe since you put up some boundaries maybe your parents had to be nice and I was like I don’t now and she was like well I think that when you put boundaries up people have to learn how to respect them and you know at first it’s difficult but you’ve been doing this for a while and maybe that you taking this trip and staying with your brother and not them really show them that you are an adult and are setting boundaries and they are trying to respect them. She said anyone can be a nice person but they are going to act crazy when they have boundary issues but if you give them boundaries they might just be the nice people that they are and I was like yeah I guess so and I told her about how my mom did some of the typical controlling text about did I do this or that or where was I and what was I doing and I should go stay with my cousin and I should get my brothers girlfriends phone number and things that I was like what the heck I don’t need your advice I got this. I said I wish that I just didn’t have such an emotional response to it with feeling anxious and irritated. I told her also about how my mom‘s best friends daughter said that her mom gave her crap on Mother’s Day to and how she was saying that she thinks social media ruins the both of them and that they just sit there and compare everyone’s lives and I was like I can totally see that and I was like not that I’m glad that it happens to Marissa to and Lynn was like but you were glad to have it normalized and I was like yeah exactly was nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s mom is being bitchy and superficial and taking it out on me. I told her about our schedule and how on Saturday I woke up for the rush tickets and got there at 5:45 which Lynn was like oh my gosh that’s early and I was like you know but I got second row tickets and saw a great show for 38 bucks and Lynn was like yeah that’s really early and I was like it’s not a big deal and I said how I had to British people in line next to me around my age and we mostly just talked the whole time and then there was a doctor which I was like what the heck go home you don’t need rush tickets and she laughed and was like he’s being frugal and I was like no he just bought himself a studio apartment a block from the theater and has a house in New Jersey he doesn’t need a rush tickets and she laughed and was like maybe not. I told her about how I really liked my brother’s girlfriend and how I didn’t see her being controlling and crazy and if anything I saw my brother being more of the problem because he got that nasty attitude with her which was the same way that My husband said that I got nasty with him and it hit me how embarrassing and like obnoxious it was and I was like oh man and how I told my brother that my husband had talked to me about it and that it was something that I had to work on and I was like you don’t have to say anything back to that which he didn’t but I was like you know it’s embarrassing when dad gets nasty like that but it’s also embarrassing when we do it too and I told Lyn about how me and my dad got into some argument where it was like the first one was because I asked him what made him want to start a café coffee shop in New York City and I didn’t mean it like in a mean kind away implying like you fucked up, but that I was sincerely curious like you just got your degree as a culinary chef what would make you want to go the coffee café route but that he had gotten super defensive and nasty about it and went on and on about how I wouldn’t have wanted to know about it when I was younger and I was like I might not have wanted to know your financial advice about starting a café but I would have liked to know that you had one and he was just nasty about it and when we got to this bakery and my mom asked what kind of coffee you wanted I had jokingly said decaf because it was late at night and he got nasty about that to you and did the whole reverse psychology of like using things that I say and being like well you don’t like when people talk for you right? And you don’t like when people try to make decisions for you right? Why are you trying to do that for me and got all mad about it meanwhile I was just joking and I was like whatever and I was like to my mom he’s your problem if he has regular caffeinated coffee and can’t sleep later like you’re gonna have to deal with the complaining not me and she was like let’s be real he complains about everything and he’ll find a way to complain either way I am and I was like whatever. So Lynn gave me a long speech about men and how sensitive they are about being providers and their success and how I probably triggered something for him because maybe this felt like a failure for him and maybe that was his dream and I was like well his dream is to open his own deli and catering company and he did that and that did fail and she was like so what are you know about trauma and I was like it all runs together and she was like exactly so maybe talking about the café thing triggered some of those feelings of in adequacy and I was like yeah I guess so and she was like you’ll see it the more men that you work with it’s almost always going to be related to this feeling of not being a good enough provider or successful or a general weakness. She said to remind myself that it wasn’t really about me at all and that the more that I step into this adult role and not the child Rome it will be easier to step back and have compassion for him, not that it excuses his behavior towards you but that it makes it easier to step back and think how sad that he still carrying around stuff from the past like that. And I was like yeah I guess that’s true. She asked me if the arguments were keeping me up at night and I was like no honestly I kind of just sat there and was like what the F and she laughed and was like yeah that makes sense and I was like it was so stupid and I was like the thing that did kind of bother me honestly was actually with my brother. I explained how my brother and I get along really well but that one night when I was there he thought that I had gone to bed and I went back to go to the bathroom and I could smell that he was smoking weed like by himself in his bedroom with the lights out and so I talk to him about it the next day and he just kind of blew it off and didn’t really want to talk about it and just said that he smokes every night to go to bed and part of me was like you know I don’t really care if he smoking weed recreationally with friends and stuff but I was like I’m a little worried like are you OK if you feel like you need it to sleep every night? And she was kind of like yeah she was like so he’s actually smoking and not be a bang and I was like no it was definitely straight up weed and he acknowledged that it was and she was like oh OK and I was like yeah but he didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want to push him or anything but I mean I hope he’s fine but at that point I’m like whatever and haven’t really thought about it too much since then. I explained how being at all of these shows did make me think that maybe I need to focus more on doing Mindfulness because I realize how often I was checking out and not really even paying attention and she was like in which shows and I was like literally all of them she was like even dear Evan Hanson and I was like exactly and she was like well theater does take a lot of attention and I think it’s normal to space out sometimes because for some reason it just seems like he doesn’t carry all the same stimuli that something like a movie does. She made a comment about how she is sensitive to sound and so when somebody’s like opening a rapper were fidgeting in their purse or something show is gets distracted and I was like yeah that’s really annoying but I guess what made me think that it was more of a mindfulness issue was that there is nothing distracting me except for my own brain checking out because it was literally just I’d be sitting there and then my mind would wander to thinking about things bothering me and she was like oh OK well you know what to do and I was like yeah I guess. I said also that would go hand-in-hand with my difficulty with sitting still and how much I fidget and I said how as a little kid I remember seeing lion King on Broadway and when it was over a lady behind me started yelling at me and saying how I ruined the show for her because I hadn’t sat still the entire time and Lynn laughed and was like May we need to reprocess that and I was like yeah maybe but I was like I think you know I fidget in movie theaters and when I’m just sitting at work and all these other places but I think it’s so much more noticeable and I get anxious about it in the theater because I’m sitting there worrying if I’m ruining everybody else’s experiences by not sitting still and Lynn pointed out that it’s hard to sit still for long time for most people and I was like no I think this is a little bit more but whatever she was still kind of like well maybe with some mindfulness you can decrease some of that and I was like yeah I hope so. She said that she has asked her daughter and her son if they ever get bored during shows when they are actually performing and she said that they were both like oh yeah for sure but you have it memorized so you have to kind of try to pay attention but she said that it’s apparently super normal and that her daughter is stressing her out because she will go backstage in between sets and be like face timing her and she’ll be like aren’t you supposed to be getting ready to go back on and she’s like oh yeah I need to go in a minute and Lynn was like oh my gosh what the heck like freaking out for her but she said it’s always fine but even they have trouble sometimes staying present in their own shows because it just becomes repetitive. She was like it sounds like you had a really fun trip though and I was like yeah I really did it was honestly like the first vacation in so long that I can remember just really having a good time and I don’t know if that was because I had more downtime where usually I am scrambling trying to pack everything in on a vacation or if it was just because I enjoy the people that I saw but it really was a good time. Lynn was like look at you being a theater person and I was like I know I’m catching up slowly. I said and also my husband and I might have bought a house and she was like wait what? And I was like yeah and she’s like well that’s exciting! She said congratulations and asked if I had pictures and I was like well just the ones on realtor.com but I think we are trying to wait until things are more finalized to get excited about it because right now I think we are anxious and she pointed out again that my husband is more of the worrier and more of the prone to anxious thoughts and I was like well he’s freaking out about whether or not we are overpaying and how some of the houses in the neighborhood were cheaper when they sold and I was like I mean we just don’t know if they needed a bunch of work because all of our house has been updated and based on the year these houses were all made they would have been due for upgrades in more recent years so it’s possible that they were sold before updates were made and I said how the backyard is smaller than we wanted but everything else about it really is good I mean it’s a big house and has everything else that we want to and she was like a basement and I was like OK stop it doesn’t have a basement and she laughed and I was like but we had excepted that a basement was something we would love but not a non-negotiable because it’s so hard to find houses in our area that even have basements and maybe one day when our budget is bigger we will find a home with a basement and she was like basically giving her house advice and she said how you know she has never found this perfect house and she still looking for and she joked and said that one of her friends has the perfect house and she wants them to sell it to her but her friends not moving LOL she said that they have owned three homes now because her husband owned one when they first got married and she said when they saw that she was pregnant with twins and she had found this one house that had a good bit of property to it and she said that it seemed like the perfect home and they really loved it and wanted it and it had been on the market for a while and when they put in an offer it turned out that you other people the same day had put in an offer and they actually got beat out and they were scrambling because she was pregnant and didn’t want her twins in the apartment and so they ended up hiring and taking a home that was in a neighborhood where the houses were close together like she didn’t want but she said it turned out to be the best thing because the neighborhood ended up being such a good neighborhood for their kids and how it was so community driven because the houses were close together and everybody knew each other and the kids always had somebody to play with and they would have like a Fourth of July parade where the kids would decorate their wagons and the fire department would come and she said basically that sometimes what you want isn’t the best because when she looks back at the original house that she thought was perfect their experience in that house would have been so different because it wouldn’t have had that community aspect and so she was like you know at least while your kids are little I think it’s really great to have that and she also pointed out that she was like I like the fact that if I were to scream in the middle the night my neighbors can probably hear me and I was like what? And she was like you know like if somebody broken or something and I was like you know? That’s not something I had ever even thought about LOL. Lynn was like well now you know. She said regarding the finances really just can’t ever predict anything regarding the housing market. She said that when they sold that first house they actually made a decent bit of money and they had invested it into a different house around 2008 right before the market crashed and I thought this was gonna be such a great investment and they put all this money into renovations on their current house and they were expecting that their current house would make them a bunch of money and it turns out she’s like based on the current market we won’t really make much at all and so she was like he really just can’t predict it so she was like I wouldn’t really try to base your decision off of that. I said the advice that was given to me was that it’s better to have the worst house in the best neighborhood then the best house in the worst neighborhood and she was like I completely agree. She said she has the cheapest house in her neighborhood but that it is such a good neighborhood and people will buy to be in that neighborhood and when she looks back at the different houses she was like you know if we had gotten that perfect home our kids would have been a different school and it’s possible that my kids would’ve never gotten involved with theater and their whole lives could’ve planned out so differently and she was like so it’s cool how it all works together and I was like well that’s nice. She said that she is hoping to downgrade and really wants a home with a basement so that way when people come over they could stay down there and she can have her space LOL which is such a Lynn thing to say but she was like with the kids moving out we don’t really need such a big house and she was like I would honestly be happy living in a condo I don’t like outdoor work and we just need something small and then we could just travel which is kind of our future goals is to really be doing more traveling well that’s nice. She said that’s exciting and she thinks it will all work out and I was like yeah we will see and I said I’m trying not to get excited yet until things are a bit more finalize like after the appraisal and she asked when we were close and I said July 20. At some point shebeought up washers and dryers and how hers are new and they’re always breaking and they just don’t make stuff to last anymore and for the money she’s put into repairs she could have just bought a new one. Also I told her about how I hadn’t really talk to my parents because I wanted to avoid those conversations because I know that they will ask me 1 million questions and pressure me and drive me nuts and I just didn’t want to deal with that so I actually have just been asking other adults that I know for advice and I said how I asked this other mom at my job for her suggestions and that it was helpful. Lynn was like look at you getting your needs met and I was like yeah I’m trying. She was like well next time I guess I will need to tell you about some of the protocols I learned that my training and I was like oh yeah that’s right and she was like a lot of it was really experiential. She said there was one that involves drawing and one that involves like rocks and kind of drawing upon positive experiences and she was like so pretty much drawing on the really good things and using it as a resource installation and I was like that’s gone she was like I think that that might be really good for you and that way when you have these experiences where your parents are being crabby you can draw upon those really positive memories and I was like that sounds good and she was like a lot of it was you know looking at the different parts and figuring out what’s still left and she was like because you know even with you she was like I see so much progress and things that have really gotten so much better cause she was like even looking at how this trip went for you and I was like yeah honestly this is the first time that I really remember like enjoying my time up there and she was like yeah and I think that’s because you set boundaries with your parents this time and she was hopeful that things will continue to be better with visits with them and I was like I hope so. She was like I think some of these activities that I learned in the training might be helpful in figuring out what’s still left because you’ve done a lot of work and I was like so you want me to be your guinea pig LOL and she was like hey I’ve use this with several people in the past few weeks and I’ve actually gone really well. She mentioned using rocks and symbolism and I was like I don’t know about that and she was like well I don’t like it in the training but then when I used it with people that actually worked well and I was like I think there’s definitely a subset of people who really likes symbolism and things and then there’s people like me who just don’t get into it and she was like yeah I don’t know I think that it still helpful in figuring out what is still left. She said that it’s about figuring out the different parts of yourself and I was like OK dick shorts and internal family systems and she was like yeah I definitely got the I FS I think that it still helpful in figuring out what is still left. She said that it’s about figuring out the different parts of yourself and I was like OK dick shorts and internal family systems and she was like yeah I definitely got the IFS vibe but it actually came from psycho drama and I was like oh good all Jason marina and she acted surprised I knew him and She was like yeah because he did a lot of sculpting with different parts and I was like yeah we learned a lot about him and my graduate program because he did a lot of that work with families so he was really one of the pioneers of family therapy when that was for us becoming a thing and she was like oh that’s right and I was like yeah so I think that they really cover that a lot in marriage and family therapy masters programs but not so much and other programs that are focused more on individuals and she was like yeah that makes more sense. She was like he can also even do it with the different eating is ordered parts and I was like oh man well if you can get rid of the eating disorder voice in my head I will try anything and she was like well it’s worth a shot I was like yeah that’s true. I was like you know in general it’s pretty manageable but at times of high stress and anxiety like right now with the whole house thing, it’s like all day long my brain is constantly obsessing over how I’m fat and it’s like I know the purpose of that is my brain trying to focus on my body because losing weight is within my control and I don’t really have any control over anything happening with the house but it just is so frustrating because it’s like even though I know that it doesn’t take away the voice from being there and she was like well maybe will be able to figure out where that voice is even coming from and process it and I was like I would be forever grateful and she was like so for scheduling she said she didn’t know if she would be there the week of July 4 and I was like that’s fine I’ll be going away anyway and she was like OK that’s easy so for the week after she was like I think I might only be there for part of the week and I was like OK and she was like well I know Monday and Tuesday are safe bet and I was like oh we can do one of those and she was like it’s just hard when I haven’t figured out which days yet I’m going to be there or not and I was like man you’re living the rough life Lynn, not sure which days you want to take an extended vacation again and she laughed and was like well it’s mostly just that I’m visiting my daughter and I was like oh yeah there’s that hard life coming out again and she laughed and was like well and I asked her if her daughter was up in New York for the summer and she said no her daughter was up in Chicago being bell in beauty in the beast and I was like oh that’s really cool and she was like yeah they’re super weird town outside of Chicago and I was like LOL beauty in the beast takes place in a weird little town so I guess that’s fitting and she was like I hadn’t even thought of that but I am she said it was a really good show though and that she had driven up there saw it and then ended up doing her training that weekend and then came back and then drove 12 hours with her parents in the car which now that I’m thinking about it I should’ve asked if I was her mom too but I believe it was her dad and I don’t know if she has stepmom but she was like yeah 12 hours in the car with your parents and you’ll start to realize things about yourself and about them and she said that she was sitting there like oh that’s where I get my road rage from and I couldn’t help but laugh because I was so not surprised that Lynnwood have road rage when people tail her. We scheduled and I paid and I headed out.

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