#It's never quiet or boring

[amethystina]

I'm waiting so excitedly for your updates, old and new, I can't begin to tell you! You are the fandom treasure! And as I'm waiting and biting my nails I wanted to ask something, what do you think about the final scenes of episode 8 where Gaon has dinner with his professor and tells him he chooses Yohan's side. How come Yohan knew where to find them and the precise moment to come in and pick Gaon up, was he following them or did he and Gaon had a deal?

And what's with leaving his car to stand next to Gain and look at professor? I love this scene so much but I don't know if I understand its message right. Was it posturing, laying a claim on Gaon or what? I tend to feel that Yohan was possessive of Gaon when it came to professor and his police friend and I think I feel some of it in this scene but I'm not sure, I just don't have a clear grasp on it. Would love to know your thoughts!

Aww, thank you so much, sweetheart! This is definitely the first time I've been called not just a fandom treasure, but the fandom treasure. Thank you 💜

Ah yes, the "Ga On runs off with his new sugar daddy" scene. Or, as I sometimes like to call it, the "You just don't understand, dad professor — I love him" scene.

I'm joking, obviously.

(... or am I?)

I would say that Ga On and Yo Han made an agreement beforehand, yes. They probably talked about Ga On's choice to switch sides and while Yo Han would no doubt have loved for Ga On to continue on as a double agent (feeding Professor Min intentionally faulty information) Ga On is way too honest for that. So he probably insisted that, no, he'll call Professor Min, meet up with him, and just flat out tell him that Ga On's spying mission is over. He's now going to elope work with Yo Han instead.

And I find it hilarious to think that, most likely, Yo Han was just sitting in his car, perhaps scrolling through his phone, waiting for his newly acquired sugar baby to finish telling his semi-father figure that he's going dark side. Because Ga On gets up and starts walking before Yo Han drives up, meaning that it's not like Ga On saw the car coming and went "oh, better wrap this up now." It was probably the other way around, where Ga On leaving the table was the signal for Yo Han to come pick him up.

So yes, they definitely had an agreement, especially since Ga On seems to know in exactly which direction to walk, even before the car shows up, and doesn't look the least bit surprised by Yo Han's arrival.

They planned that shit.

Brutal.

As for the fact that Yo Han gets out of the car? Well, buckle up, my darlings, because I think we should take a detour to discuss intent.

Now, intent isn't necessarily important when you want to interpret a scene, but I like the extra nuance it can offer. And by intent, I mean what the scriptwriter/director might have intended with a scene. Why is this scene here? What was the plan behind it? How is it supposed to impact the overall story? How does it tie into the rest of the plot?

Which is never something you can say for sure, of course, unless there are interviews expressly stating it, but, a lot of the time, we can guess.

The intent behind this scene, in its simplest, purest form, is to show that Ga On is switching sides. And, with that in mind, it makes sense that he crosses that road to Yo Han's car (if you know me and my metas, you know how much I love lines, characters crossing said lines, and the symbolism of that) and stops to stand next to Yo Han. It's a very simple yet effective way to show Ga On's choice and where it will take him.

Into Yo Han's arms.

NOW. Intent is very useful because, depending on how skilled the person writing is, you can hide a lot of subtext and leave room for a lot of interpretation with a cleverly formulated intent. That's how censored shows get away with so much, because they can point to the perfectly reasonable, heteronormative intent behind a scene and pretend that there aren't also a lot of subtler nuances to the reading.

And, if they're extra bold, they also add hints in the presentation and execution.

The scene where Yo Han invites Sun Ah to the house is a perfect example of this, where the intent is to make her feel lonely, like an outsider, as she's invited to observe this warm, comfortable family. Not a bad tactic as far as manipulation goes, I have to say. So, in other words, very reasonable intent — makes sense with what they're trying to achieve.

The fact that it ends up looking more like Yo Han is proudly showing off his doting, doe-eyed househusband who's passively-aggressively and not-so-discreetly staking his claim is... well, that's just an accidental side effect, isn't it? Not intent at all.

And that's true. It's not intent that makes it look gay.

It's the presentation of the intent.

(Sidenote: To be a fly on the wall when Yo Han and Ga On came up with this strategy. Because, clearly, they were both in on it and, I mean, how did that conversation go? Inquiring minds need to know.

Like, how did they go from: "We need to throw her off balance. We'll invite her to the house, show what she's missing out on, but also give her hints that she could have it all, if she's willing to surrender" to Ga On going: "I'll cook a fancy dinner. That'll make her jealous."

I mean, he's not wrong but, like, Mr. Sugar Baby. What? x'D

Also, imagine Yo Han's face. Transcendent.)

Anyway. Intent can also ruin a story. I think most of us have read a fanfic and gone: "... that character wouldn't do that. This makes no sense." That could be a sign that the author's intent is clashing with the characters or the story they're trying to tell. Or, put more bluntly, that the author is so focused on forcing an idea that they don't realise that they're going against the logic of the story or characters' personalities. Things happen because they want them to, not because it makes sense, meaning that the intent isn't tied to the story or characters, but what the writer wants. This is badly planned intent.

And, most of the time, readers can tell when the intent is off, even if you might not be able to put your finger on it while you're reading. But if you're feeling a niggling doubt at the back of your mind, wondering why this scene is here, what this scene even means, or why this character suddenly seems to act so strangely, it could be that the writer didn't plan it well enough.

That's not to say that a reader must always know the intent behind a scene. Ideally, the story should be good enough that they don't have to stop and think about things like that. If the intent and internal logic are sound enough, it should just flow naturally.

Because, when it comes down to it, pretty much all scenes in a story have an intent and that intent should be in harmony with the characters' personalities and how they would choose to behave. And I don't mean that there can never be conflict or that characters can't disagree — I mean that all scenes should have a reason for being there. It doesn't have to be a deep or complex reason, but there should be a reason that ties into the overarching plotline. And characters shouldn't be forced into a scene they have no business being in. Intent is very important from a crafting standpoint.

And intent is one of the things that makes The Devil Judge such an absolute joy. Because while there is always a perfectly reasonable — and very heterosexual, we promise — intent behind most scenes, they often choose to present the scenes in a way that leaves room for a much queerer reading. Now, that can happen with almost any story, but what sets The Devil Judge apart is that it seems to be entirely intentional.

The presentation is by no means subtle or accidental.

Like, they didn't have to make Ga On shuffle up in a soft, comfortable sweater and greet Sun Ah like a caring househusband, but they did. That was a conscious choice.

And this scene you mention, with Yo Han getting out of his car when he's picking Ga On up, falls into a similar category in my mind. The surface-level intent is clear — show that Ga On is switching sides — but he could simply have said so. He could have borrowed a car and driven himself. Yo Han didn't have to come pick him up. And he certainly didn't have to get out of the car.

But he did.

And that might be what you're picking up on when you're saying that you're not sure if you're understanding the message correctly. Because in a drama this clever, that puts so much effort into details and, again, intent, it feels almost a bit odd to leave this gaping hole, doesn't it? Yo Han stepping out of that car should mean something, right?

And, once you've gotten this far, you've got a couple of options to choose from to fill in the blanks. Either you can assume that it was just something the creators chose to do because it looked/seemed cool and therefore might not mean much at all. And considering that this drama does that a couple of times, this could honestly be the case. Maybe they just thought it would be more effective to have Yo Han to step out of the car? To really hammer it home to Professor Min what's happening?

Your other option is to bring in the harmonisation between intent and characters. Because, if the writer is good and their characters consistent, you should be able to pick up on secondary layers of intent, running parallel with the main one. Because while each scene has an intent, each character IN that scene also has one (though perhaps it would be more comfortable to call it purpose at this point?).

In other words: If "it looked cool" isn't the answer, could we find it in the character's behaviour instead? What is their intent, based on their personalities and previous actions? Does that give a more satisfying answer?

What reason would Mr. Kang "Abyss" Yo Han have for stepping out of that car?

I, personally, think that the answer is pretty simple.

He is absofuckinglutely staking a claim.

He's stepping out of that car because he's a Possessive, Dramatic Bitch and wants to rub it in Professor Min's face. He wants to show that he's won, that he's turned the spy Professor Min sent, and that he's, quite literally, taking Ga On away.

Yo Han is basically going: "Thanks for the sugar baby — I'll make sure to ravish savour treasure him."

So while the main goal of that scene is to establish that Ga On is switching sides, the intent Yo Han adds with his actions leaves room for a very gay reading. In fact, I'd argue that doing so only makes the scene more believable, since Yo Han's actions are otherwise kind of... unnecessary? He has no reason to step out of the car and make himself known, unless it's for the dramah.

Again, the presentation of the intent is where the magic happens.

So, why this long, godawful rant about intent, you ask? When I could just have answered the question right away?

Because while I know that I'm preaching to the choir in terms of this drama being gay as hell, I just want to highlight the importance of intent and how it can change the reading of a scene. I think intent — or specifically the harmony between characters and intent, and the various layers of intent — is absolutely fascinating, especially in this drama.

Especially if you want to argue that it's gay.

Because there is, in fact, some scenes where I just... I can't. The intent and characterisation don't match at all — unless you add a queer element. Like, this drama is so clever. Not perfect, mind you, but so clever. And so careful with especially Yo Han and Ga On's characterisation. Very little is left to chance.

And so, if you keep everything I've said about intent and characters in mind, and I ask you to explain the intent behind this one, singular shot, can you do so without making it gay?

I'm not joking when I say that this scene, right here, was the one that definitively made me go "oh fuck, this is gay gay."

Because in most others — if not all — I can find that safe surface-level intent which means that the people behind this drama can claim plausible deniability. Of course it's not gay! Look at this perfectly reasonable, heterosexual intent!

Except this one.

There's no explanation for this. Ga On has no reason to look this jealous unless his jealousy is the main intent behind this shot. There just isn't. And it's only made worse by his huff and the way he clenches his jaw a couple of seconds later. Not even the argument that Sun Ah is their enemy so letting her fix Yo Han's tie might be dangerous can justify this, since that's not a look of concern or alarm — that's jealousy.

The intent is jealousy. Plain and simple.

And that's why intent is important. Because, if push came to shove, the intent behind this one, singular screenshot could, theoretically, be the only evidence you need if you wanted to defend a queer reading of this drama.

Because there is, quite frankly — in my humble opinion as the fandom treasure — no other way to explain the look on his face in a drama this meticulous and obsessed with details.

In this scene, unlike all the others, the queerness isn't just in the presentation anymore — it's in both the intent and presentation.

So, if you want the scene that says "this shit's gay, fam"?

This is the one.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Dear LORD I went off on a tangent here #Sorry about that #But I also stand by it #That screenshot of Ga On keeps me up at night #Because THE INTENT #TELL ME WHAT THE INTENT IS #By the way #I feel a need to point out that I don't actually NEED Yo Han and Ga On to be canon #But it drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE that some of these scenes exist #Because now they're just messing with me and my hyper-analytical mind #... filed under things going on inside my head I guess #It's never quiet or boring #That's for sure

[fromtheseventhhell]

"Sansa = Ned 2.0 and Arya = Catelyn 2.0" is one of those takes where you can just tell people are more attached to the aesthetic than anything. "The Stark girls are most like the parent they look least like" sounds good on paper and people run with the idea, regardless of how it actually fits into the story. A majority of the justification relies on misinterpreting all of their characters + a healthy dose of fanon. What gets me is that this is the same fandom that insists that Lyanna, only compared to Arya in the text, is equal parts Arya and Sansa but Ned and Catelyn, two fully fleshed-out and complex characters, have to be more like one girl or the other? There's just nothing in the story to justify being so adamant about these comparisons. Arya and Sansa have parallels with both of their parents but at the end of the day, they are unique characters with their own stories. I'll never understand why people want to flatten these complex characters down to their most basic tropes and fit them into restrictive boxes just for a "poetical~" comparison.

#arya stark #sansa stark #catelyn stark #ned stark #house stark #asoiaf #BORING YAWNING SLOPPY #notice how these takes never come with actual evidence from the books to make direct comparisons from the text? #/ned is a gentle quiet poitican/ and he physically attacks someone + constantly shows his frustration and voicing his opinions #our first introduction to him is him executing a man and we know he's done so several times that year #he says that his toddler son needs to grow up and stop being afraid of a giant wolf cause /winter is coming/ and Northern life is hard 😭 #/Cat is a feral wild woman/ and her chapters are full of her holding her tongue and trying to mediate situations #people literally switch their characterizations cause the second a woman shows emotion she's /feral/ #and a man can be the most wild unhinged character ever and still be /kind/ and /gentle/ #like yeah fanon sansa is fanon ned 2.0 and fanon arya is fanon cat 2.0 but their actual characters are more complex then that #the only valid /2.0/ comparison is between Lyanna and Arya but somehow she gets split between Arya and Sansa 🥴 #my hourly frustration at this fandom not caring about the story and only being here for /the vibes~/ #like Ned hates Tourneys and protests one as a waste of resources while Sansa is planning a Tourney and using resources while winter #is arriving and smallfolk are going hungry...but she's Ned 2.0? Where? How? Huh? #And yeah Ned deals with politics in KL but that's relatively a small aspect of his character #and even him constantly speaking his mind and challenging Robert directly is the exact opposite of Sansa's approach 😭 #/courtesy is a Lady's armor/ vs. /I'm gonna tell Robert he's an idiot right to his face/ oh yeah totes the same #Arya is the character following his advice and guidance for a reason just saying #like if Sansa was doing the same I could see it but she..isn't? Her approach is much closer to Catelyn's than Ned's #I don't understand why people have all of the sudden decided that the Sansa/Cat parallels are shallow when they're #very similar characters and Sansa's current plot actually revolves around that fact #obviously they're not exactly alike but no two characters are or even meant to be...their comparisons are still very valid #tired of being expected to accept an idea just because enough people repeat it

[silenthillbunni]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[vulturevanity]

normal thing to say about your dear friend who you think is really cute and charming and hard-working and basically the perfect wife material

#hamefura #my next life as a villainess #otome game no hametsu flag #aaand rewatch done! now my honest thoughts #good start. the middle is kinda boring. ep 8 doesn't exist don't worry about it #this anime draws me in in the same way that Futari Wa does #in that it has a fascinating main cast and a very vague skeleton of a worldbuilding that leaves me wanting to overthink it #unstructured thoughts incoming: #Geordo's still a creep and no matter how much the story wants me to like him I just can't #Keith's siscon is very Yikes! and that's so bad because I love his and Katarina's relationship as siblings #Katarina lowkey thinks Sophia is a freak but never kinkshames her and that's so bestiecore of her. they're soulmates your honor #Mary is SUCH A LESBIAN holy shit. I did not remember how much lesbian she is #I'm lowkey annoyed that the show frames her attraction to Katarina as “haha funny isn't she weird?!” #like in the sleepover episode she was describing the things she'd like to do with her beloved and she's being like. normal about it #but the soundtrack does a silly and I'm like. wow this anime does not like her huh #I swear Geordo and Keith are even weirder about Katarina than she is but the anime always gives them slack about it #unless they're having their homoerotic squabbles. which is to say the anime does Not Like The Queer Coding of the story #I'm sure there are worse examples of weeb homophobia but there are a couple moments I saw in the manga but not here! #anyway where was I. Oh right. Ascart Sibs Autusm 👍🏼 #Nicol doesn't have much presence in the story due to his quiet nature which is so sad because his inner world is intriguing #he's such a good friend. loyal and caring. I wish we got more of him in this season #and finally: Maria. God. what is there to say about her that I haven't already #the girl came in with a 7 year disadvantage on her rivals and yet Katarina is all over her! #rewatching season 1 is so weird because I could swear she had more presence than she really does because holy shit #Katarina loves her! so much! wtf #maybe I'm remembering season 2? #anyway these are my thoughts on doomflags season 1 #2nd watch edition #oh I almost forgot #romance in chiaroscuro

[captain-noir]

how can you ship loustat when loumand exists? im not being rude im just curious because armand is the love of louis life and they have been longer together than lestat and louis. armand doesnt cheat on louis he doesnt beat louis so i dont understand how someone who claims to love louis would not want him with the better man. again not being rude

anon please please please and i cannot stress this enough please realize that i realy dont give an iota of fuck about whats supposedly good better or healthy for louis you know why because louis doesnt exist he isnt real none of this is real its fiction the only thing i care about is if im getting an interesting and stimulating story personally im indifferent to loumand because both anne and louis were indifferent to them i can appreciate their anti-romance their unfulfilled aborted love story on like an intellectual level but it leaves me emotionally dead and cold but also crucially i came for the operatic drama and only one ship is delivering on that front maybe if louis tried to kill armand and maybe if their hearts were to beat in tandem and maybe if there was an invisible cord tying them together and maybe if they had their second honeymoon in the midst of a murder plot and maybe if they had apocalyptic jealousy fits at the mere thought of the other with a third and maybe if they created a vampire child to trap and doom each other for eternity and maybe if the spectre of one haunted the other post murder attemp and maybe if their divorce led to the near extinction level genocide of the vampire species and maybe if and maybe if and maybe if .....

#yaz replies #loumand #loustat #i havent even mentioned the fact they're boring to me like every other dynamic in the foursome of loustatarmandaniel #is infinitely more compelling #to me #there are those that find the quiet and companionable love appealing and big up to them yeah #im not that girl and never have been #also anon like if you think loumand isnt toxic and abusive and dysfunctional...im sorry to be the one to break it to you

[faunandfloraas]

honestly being a seungmin and lee know enjoyer from the very get go of my getting into skz makes seeing comments like "wow I thought seungmin was the most boring serious guy in the world for a long time but hes actually kinda funny" "I thought lee know was very standoffish and quiet but he's actually really funny and nice" so hilarious but also ????? to me bc like... did you only watch 3 videos...

#see with lee know and with seungmin probably jeongin too #they can be quiet in interviews or videos SOMETIMES #but how i watched skz videos was like #oh that was cute! and then i watched like 60 in a row so any notion of x being quiet or boring or not funny was quickly dispelled #but also other people might just watch comps or skip half the videos so i guess thats how it happens #regardless tho it still does make me laugh like........ #i dont expect everyone to be like me and try and watch 5 million things from years past #but it is still funny #probably just because its usually lee know and seungmin that get these comments ive never seen that type of comment about han or chan etc #i guess bc i zoned in on those two from the beginning its funnier

[mister-eames]

I know it’s been said before, but you spark so much joy with your headcanon & arthur/eames discussions 🥺 also! Still thinking of that pic of Tom Hardy in a muscle tee & other recent photos of him where he is lots of grey in his beard. Idk if you saw JGL at the ceremony where he presented rian Johnson with an award but he had a deep velvet plum suit on, a beard and his hair is long & wavy. & now I’m thinking about older eames/Arthur who are comfortable happy and still sickeningly in love

Nonnie!!!!!!! Thank you so much for stopping by, these asks always are so thought provoking and indulge me so much, I'm always happy to talk about Arthur/Eames and Inception in general!

Okay so, I had not seen that video and I am SO GLAD you brought it to my attention. JGL LOOKS SO FREAKING GOOD!!! THE SUIT!!! THE BEARD!!! THE CURLS!!!!!! Oh my god. If anyone has not seen the video check it out here you wont regret it.

And, you said it -- "Comfortable, happy and (still) sickeningly in love" is all I want for Arthur and Eames (and my life tbh). My headcanon is that they settle down and retire and while they still dabble in a little criminal action here and there (like being criminally sexy!!!) they live quieter lives a handful of years after the Fischer job. They love each other, right? They want to be safer because they want to build a life over building dreams, because life can be so short, you know, and I think in the film you learn just that--anything can happen at any given moment and you just...slow the hell down. Even when that means taking life in the slow lane and changing course - and so they do.

I imagine Arthur and Eames in their forties and fifties, teaching and consulting for work - Eames being disgusted every time he does his taxes and Arthur being disgusted with himself for wearing polo shirts in the summer and secretly loving it. They are starting to go grey, more grey with every handful of years - they are starting to go soft in places. There are crows eyes and forehead lines and heartburn and creaky bones. Diets to manage IBS and blood pressure. Worse, they start to do things their parents used to do -- like watch the news on TV and mutter into their dinner about idiot politicians and neighbours who park like dickheads on the street and wont trim their trees back out of their yard, and they reminisce about how things were different when they were kids and seriously why the fuck are they the only normal people who live on this street?

They keep busy. They learn new things. For his forty-fifth birthday Arthur builds Eames a library in their Philadelphia home with his bare hands. Eames buys the battered skeleton of a '67 Ford Mustang and restores it for Arthur. They read books and watch movies in bed and keep guns in their bedsides just in case. They go on long drives together and still sometimes travel the world to see old faces and so they still remember what it feels like to be homesick and miss the good life. Eames' knees play up. Arthurs back has seen better days. They're uncles to their siblings kids and to Phillipa and James. And they take that job very seriously.

They still have their domestics and spats every now and then. But they make up and move on. They're partners (in life and crime) and they get their thrills out of making the other happy. They're the people the other cannot wait to come home to.

They have always attempted to manufacture their own luck and they finally did it because here they are, content and happy.

#they trim their neighbours damn trees back in the middle of the night and leave the branches on their doorstep to trip over #they steal their other neighbours paper (they get their dog to do it) at random so no one knows its them #i only do happy endings #maybe i'm getting boring but i just love domestic arthur and eames #growing old(er) together #seeing their priorities change like ours all do when we grow and age #because there is a point in life #especially ESPECIALLY when you lived fast and hard in your twenties #and/or earlier #that you say #'nah no more im done ive done it i want some fucking peace and quiet' #and you are grateful for that peace and quiet #because while you would never regret the experiences you had living hard and fast #even the grief #the loss the awfulness #you wouldn't change the peace for anything #you feel like you earned the stillness and the quiet #and it is valued to the point of it being priceless because of those tumultuous years #when you didn't have it before and you get it you don't want to give it up #and maybe every day is not sunshine and daisies #but you're no longer in survival mode #and while the memories of before are rose-tinted frankly you never want to go back there #the domestic fics are the most 'realistic' ones to me #for this reason #anyway nonnie i appreciate you #arthur x eames #inception #now i want to write a 5k slice of life fic

[terryboot]

not to sound like an old biddy but handing kids ipads and phones from the minute they're born does such a disservice to them.

#ive been working in schools for over a decade now #and i can say that the current batch of year 7s are unequivocally the worst behaved i've seen #they've never had to be bored in their lives because someone always gave them a screen #and it fucking shows #also i think they're all so used to being able to voice their every thought and opinion online #that they have no idea how to keep quiet while other people are speaking #i genuinely love working in schools #and ive had some great interactions with the year 7s in smaller groups #they are lovely kids #but my god in a classroom setting they're the fucking worst #i just think that being bored is hugely important for kids development #anyway #thats my old man yells at cloud moment for today #about me

[queerstudiesnatural]

the more followers i have the less people interact with my posts what's that about :(

#i miss the good old days of only having 300 followers but a never quiet notifications tab :( #have i gotten too annoying #or too boring

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[silenthillbunni]

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me. #everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing) #i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/ #ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :(( #i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/ #but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again. #i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Utter disappointment that no one is out here posting about Kent from the 1997 movie Contact, a totally normal not at all random side character to become attached to

#contact 1997 #contact movie #Kent Clark #I quite liked the movie honestly amazed I hadn’t watched it sooner #I was fascinated the direction it went and how it came full circle with the science and faith thing #I didn’t know how they would end it or go forward with the contact given the setup and the way they did end up going forward #felt right in line with the level of realism the movie cultivated being grounded while also being... profound and not disappointing #hard to explain but like in the hands of someone else we might’ve ended up seeing greys or something and I’m glad we didn’t #it had that tricky balance to keep and it managed it well #being both a quiet and yet never boring movie #not quiet when a vehicle was on screen though dang sound engineers but anyway #and I want to see people talking about Kent I liked him

[throttlegainwell]

Hello, Didn't want to say anything except it is awesome to find a fellow Jonathan Byers AND Scott Summers enjoyer, I love both of those characters a lot.

Ah, that's awesome! Thanks for saying hi. I am, indeed, massively gone for both of those guys, and I am equally delighted to come across another fan of both.

#answered asks #scott summers #jonathan byers #very little in common except for all the stuff they have in common really #but i mean eldest sibling issues probable neurodivergence hyper-independence loner status don't want to be in charge but kind of have to be #responsibility to their people to the detriment of their own well-being got to do everything themselves not well liked or understood #accusations of being boring or morally questionable but just doing their best and grinding away relentlessly #abandonment issues childhood abuse & neglect i could go on #yet they're so very very different and also one shoots kinetic energy beams from his eyes #so there's that #scott would dislike jonathan's music #and ngl the fact that jonathan spends a significant portion of his time in a darkroom under a safelight #which is red #and scott's whole deal is red #that cracks me up a little #though there's something to be said for scott's keen spatial awareness vs. jonathan's eye for composition #and jonathan isn't a nuts and bolts guy and he can handle himself but lbr scott's training regimen would kill him #also i doubt jonathan has ever read a comic in his life and even in the 80s scott was no one's favorite #also yeah they're both pretty reserved quiet & locked-down emotionally & can't deal with their issues + pragmatic as hell #but i think jonathan has more self-awareness about it and he's way more sensitive #whereas scott was just never going to be a particularly emotional guy he's logical af it's how he's wired #anyway yes i love these two hyper-competent messes a whole lot #and have written many words about them both and will probably write many more

[digital999placebo]

the lizzy grant gerita post…not even a gerita truther but venice bitch injects the messiest americana hot muggy summer gerita hallucinations into my brain so intense n overwhelming i sit still for a while . jsyk ure not alone in the cringe.

REAL AS FUCK ITS LIKE BEING ELECTROCUTEDDDDDD. AS SOON AS I FIND MU DRAWING PEN AND MY EXAMS R POVER I STGGGGG I WILL DRAW THIA TIME…. this clip in my head on repeat vvvvv

#IM THINKING LYK EITHER: #A. 90s businessman Ludwig travelling through some American dessert in his car home from a meeting in some big city and he stops at a motel #where Feliciano works as a bartender in the dingy strup club/gentleman’s club next door #Feliciano is so fucking bored of da desert that he convinces Ludwig to hang out with him and take him back to the city #B. they both in a quiet lidl American town #Ludwig is mega religious never left the town n grappling with his sexuality #feliciano who unsuccessfully has tried to make it in LA returns broke and down on his luck and starts pursuing ludwig who works extra #at the only grocery store in town #asks

[writeouswriter]

Searching for very specific book recs again because people on goodreads can't read:

Looking for a book like Contact by Carl Sagan, realistic science fiction about alien contact that's subtle with no big wars or battles or alternate histories or dystopian futures or greys or such, more of a focus on the characters, on people and their reactions, and doesn't stray too far from actual science, set preferably mostly on Earth in an unchanged present day/or within the past 30-50 years/maybe next 10 years at most, more on the scale of wow, this could really actually happen like now or something like that. Preferably NOT YA. 

Alternatively:

Also searching for a sci-fi book (again NOT YA) where I can get overly attached to a funky little scientist man. In the sense that I am currently projecting all my love on Newton Geiszler from Pacific Rim right now when I didn't even have particularly strong feelings for the movie itself.

#book rec request #sci-fi #grounded sci-fi #book recommendations #spare book recs sir spare book recs? #me on goodreads: i want subtle alien contact story set in present day #goodreads response: here is a book set in the year 3000 where humans and martians have become mutant hybrids after the sun exploded or smth #i really really really liked the level of realism in the movie contact and how it was in a way quiet but never boring #i'm waiting for the book in the mail #but like it was a first contact story with a passion for science but quintessentially a passion for the human aspect #idk how to really describe what i loved about it but it was so well made and then the dichotomy of science vs faith #it's so !! and i like seeing all the scientists get excited and doing their work and solving it all and all and !! #there was no changed history no phlebotinum they were working with the science we had in the 90s #and working off of how it might look like if that happened for real like !! #and they don't ruin that immersion with showing us something alien they show us something we can comprehend #they show us cosmos they show us a father and daughter and a form taken to not break our minds #i'm explaining badly but no one gets what it is about it that makes it what it is #go watch contact 1997 and maybe you'll appreciate the beauty of humanity's love affair with the search for alien life and the cosmos

[oglegoggle]

I feel like I want to go home but I don’t have one of those. I want to be near my best friend. I’m frightened by rampant and violent transphobia in our culture. I’m somewhere safe and secure but I feel vulnerable. I want to hide. I want to be left alone. I want to be near others. Everyone is so distracted and overwhelmed by life. I feel invisible. I want to be held.

#this is goggles #that’s the crux that never quite goes away #I want to be held so very much it’s like the thread my sanity hangs onto #I miss my habibi #but I also feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmingly needy #I feel like I need to be more aloof as not to be demanding and bothersome #I get more obsessed with partners way more than they do me and it’s just like a recurring thing I know I have to dial back to be paletable #it would feel nice to receive the kind of obsession I dish out #I don’t quite understand why I’m so different I kinda hate it about myself quite a lot #I just want to be held everything melts away into quiet peace when I’m held but just laying around snuggling for hours is massively boring #my body hurts so much less it’s like signifigant I don’t understand why it’s so signifigant #my right shoulder and my lower ribs and my neck especially #I wish my body wasn’t like this it continues to feel like a character flaw that I need to overcome #I want to find a doctor I can trust again but I’m more than a little bit overwhelmed by the prospect and mistrustful and vulnerable #Find some kind of magical way that I can make my body quit hurting #mend where I broke my ribs a couple years ago and find the source of the mystery organ pain and whatever happened to my shoulder #I wish I were building a house right now with funky 70s interior design #I wish I could afford to build a house #I wish I could force myself to just shut up and work some shitass job doing nothing of use like trading stocks and make bank and build #I feel antsy like I want to run again but I don’t actually I am perfectly content vibing right here #I can’t just keep running espesh with the fucky paperwork on my van #I am so tired of driving it’s so stressful #the road trip out here was notably brutal on me in a way no other road trip has been before #I miss my best friend I’m trying so hard to be patient for their arrival here #but some gnawing anxiety in my brain worries that they’ll put it off indefinitely and eventually back out #my own insecurity screaming that I’m not worth the massive life altering changes that moving out here with me would bring #my insecurity screaming that I’m not good enough #screaming that I’m too difficult and needy and strange and clingy and demanding and ill put together and chaotic and messy #I feel like I’m barely keeping it together I feel like I’m always teetering on the edge of total and complete life shattering failure #Like everyone around me only barely tolerates my presence and will throw me away and chase me off on a whim