Kakuzu doesn't get enough credit
This 91 year old man survived like 28 years in the WS era, attempted to assassinate Hashirama, fought and lost but survived a battle with him, was subsequently imprisoned by his village for his failure for who knows how long, escapes with a forbidden jutsu and then pends like 30 years as a missing nin, stealing hearts and taking names, survives the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Shinobi world wars only to finally end up with the akatsuki and stayed fine as fuck the whole time like Madara with his godly Hashirama life support couldn't even
What a fucking unit of a man
He should have been given a much cooler end
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I'm thinking about Kakuzu and Hidan and nail polish because ofc I am, and no I don't actually want it to be a jutsu, I want all the Akatsuki to do it the hard way
Kakuzu
he learns quickly and doesn't see why others have trouble with it - especially Hidan
he does one coat and one coat only, to save up, luckily the stuff they all use is quite opaque
he's good at not getting any polish on his fingers, again, cause he wants the bottle to last as long as possible
he doesn't need his hands to turn pages while he reads, he can use his tendrils for that, so he does his nails before reading time and lets them dry
he's grateful for the dark brown, the only thing that would be worse than being partnered with Hidan would have been ending up with one of the bright colors that other Akatsuki members got
Hidan: "So there's something worse than being partnered with me?~ <3" to which Kakuzu glares
Kakuzu won't use nail polish remover cause that costs extra, he waits for that one coat to chip to the point that there's only a little bit left in the middle, and paints a new coat on top of that, and ends up with a number of bumpy layers
he's just efficient at it, it doesn't really look all that great from up close
Hidan
he absolutely sucks at painting his nails. absolutely sucks
no patience, no focus, he'll do one nail and then he'll go "Hey Kakuzu!!" cause he's already done a whole entire nail and he's bored
Kakuzu is still trying to think of some kind of way to get Hidan to associate nail polish with Jashin-sama, but no luck yet, that dark green shade is to blame, why didn't they give him red to remind him of blood? white to remind him of bones?
at one point Hidan learns to weaponize his crappy nail painting skills and make Kakuzu do his nails for him
but not by complimenting him on how much better he is, Hidan already knows that flattery won't get him anywhere - instead he "accidentally" knocks over the bottle and lets it spill, and after a very unpleasant lecture about wasting the product, Kakuzu accepts the reality that it won't get done without him
and the perfect time for that is when Hidan is lying down in his prayer circle
Hidan doesn't really start praying until Kakuzu is done painting his nails though, he likes to watch Kakuzu focus on him so intensely, just like when he stitches him up, and most importantly, he loves knowing that Kakuzu would never ever do this for anyone else <3
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kakuzu x with clingy daughter reader, who always wants to be close to him and share a bed.
tw: incest, parent/child, dub/noncon, age difference, unhealthy relationship
All characters depicted are 18+
Kakuzu isn't affectionate at all, even as a father he's still a grumpy old man. He also finds clingy people annoying, especially his own daughter, he only lets her cling to him because he has to, not because he's soft on her or anything...
Despite his daughter being an adult, she's a complete daddy's girl, clinging to him all the time and even sleeping in the same bed as him. Kakuzu won't admit it, but he enjoys sleeping in the same bed as her, and not just because it saves money.
She's always so clingy to him even when they're sleeping, giving Kakuzu nearly unlimited access to her beautiful body, and he takes full advantage of that fact, since his own daughter is his only source of release.
Even if she were to reject his advances, Kakuzu uses his role as her father to his advantage, telling her to behave herself and do as he says, even using her own clinginess against her and making her feel solely responsible for his own desires for her.
"Don't be such a brat, you little idiot. You're always clinging to daddy, so be a good girl and do as he says..."
Kakuzu doesn't like women his age, considering that he's over 90 years old, he likes the cute younger women that are his daughter's age, just barely legal, and Kakuzu just can't get enough of his clingy daughter's barely legal cunt.
He's a big man, so his cock is big too, so it'll be hard for him to force his member into her tight little snatch, but once he does, it takes all of his self control to not cum right away.
He's rough with her, pounding into her snug cunt with enough force to make his headboard loudly bang against the wall. He's glad the girl's mother isn't in the picture, otherwise she would have definitely heard the noises of the father and daughter engaging in rough, almost animalistic sex.
Once he's done he'll be affectionate to her in his own grumpy way, letting her cuddle up to him as close as she wants and even praising her a bit, even if said praise is hidden under layers of degradation.
"Fuck that felt good... maybe keeping you around wasn't such a bad idea after all... even if you are an expensive little bitch..."
Kakuzu isn't the best father, not by a long shot, but he knows what his babygirl wants and how to give it to her, even if it means putting up with her clinginess all the time.
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