#PROFESSOR . I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH . AHHHHHHH

[oflgtfol]

MY PHYSICS FINAL IS OPEN BOOK WHAWRETYHYGFDSDFGH

#IVE BEEN SO STRESSED #PROFESSOR . I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH . AHHHHHHH #brot posts

[thepsychewrites]

Little Dove | S. Rogers

Professor!Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Summary: College wasn’t what you were expecting it to be. You didn’t have many friends, you didn’t party on the weekends, and your homework was always in on time. Things take a turn when your World War II instructor, Professor Rogers, asks you to stay behind one day after class. What will happen when lines get blurred, feelings get hurt, and two people from vastly different life paths fall in love?

> Word Count: 2.2K 

> Warnings: 18+ MDNI; Age gap (Steve is in his early thirties, reader is twenty in this part), some mild language and thotty thoughts, history talk, no smut in this part. 

A/N: AHHHHHHHHH this series will ruin me. I can’t wait to put it out. It’s gonna be so good and nasty. While this part is not explicit itself, most of the series will be, so MDNI and 18+ guys. I have no idea when the next parts will be out as I have other wips that need to be worked on, but AHHHHHHH I’m so excited for this you guys have no idea. Comments, likes, reblogs, and feedback is super appreciated! Love you guys <3

Main Masterlist

------------------

College was far from what you were expecting.

Parties, frats, friends, blacking out on a Tuesday in some randoms bathroom...

That’s what you were told was the “college experience”. Something everyone gets to go through as a right of passage once you get there. 

They were so, so wrong. 

Days spent in the library, nose in a book, pens out and ready to take notes- that’s what you got instead. It wasn’t the worst- your grades were fantastic and you were popular among the professors in your major’s department. 

Maybe it was just that you loved learning and would do anything for good grades. Maybe it was just your anxiety. It didn’t help that you were already a junior, only four semesters left to go until you graduated with such little social experience under your belt.

Your favorite professor of the semester had to be Professor Rogers, your World War Two instructor. To be fair- he was popular amongst most of the undergraduates in your major- the guys liking his in-depth descriptions of events of the 30s and 40s and the girls enjoying that and the view. You couldn’t lie, Professor Rogers was insanely handsome, anyone with eyes could see that. Or they could hear it in his voice when he spoke during lectures, the depth of it alone enough to make you blush. Or, maybe if they got lucky, you could smell how handsome he was from the high-end cologne he often wore, the amber and sandalwood notes drifting through the classroom and lingering there all day. 

It’s the class you were sitting in now, head down and hovering over your notebook as you quickly wrote notes while he spoke about the Battle of Midway. 

“The Japanese lost approximately three thousand and fifty seven men, four carriers, one cruiser, and hundreds of aircraft, while the United States lost approximately three hundred and sixty two men, one carrier, one destroyer, and one hundred and forty four aircrafts. Any questions?” Professor Rogers said, turning to face the class of twenty students, his hands shoved into the pockets of his dark blue dress pants. 

Nearly ten hands raised, most of them just wanting to hear him speak for as long as possible before class was over. He chuckled lightly before he began answering question after question, your notes abandoned now that he was done with the lecture. You rested your head on your palm, your elbow dug into the solid wooden desk as you allowed yourself to zone out. His voice carried through the classroom, fluctuating slightly when he got to the last few questions. The room eventually got quiet, and you hadn’t realized most of the students had filtered out. Your attention was caught again when a large shadow loomed over your desk, amber and sandalwood flooding your senses, making you peer up. 

“Did today’s lesson bore you, Miss Y/l/n?” Professor Rogers asked, a gentle grin on his face.

You hummed, shaking your head. “Not too much. Your way of explaining Midway was great.” 

His grin grew into a full smile. “Well, I don’t think it helps that you’re already well versed on the topic. Not sure why you even took this course when you seem to know more about it than I do.” His pen dragged along the edge of your desk.

“It was this or Dr. Romanoff’s Russian Empire class and I’d much rather keep my gpa where it’s at.” You smiled back, the casual banter between you two a normalcy at this point. It was somehow easier for you to connect with your professors than it was your peers, and you and Professor Rogers had build a good rapport despite it only being a couple of weeks into the semester.  

His eyes were soft on yours and you internally wished you had a photographic memory to capture how he was looking at you. Something you’d gladly look back on any chance you got. 

“Have you started your research paper yet?” He asked, knowing you always liked to stay ahead of schedule. 

Your hands moved under the desk, your thumbs twiddling around each other. “I know this might sound shocking, but I have not. I’m just having a difficult time narrowing down a topic.” 

“Well, you have plenty of time to figure it out, but if you had any ideas you wanted to bounce around… this is my last class of the day. You can stay and we can discuss it if you’d like.” Professor Rogers offered, his brows slightly raised while he waited for an answer. 

You really did need help to figure out a topic. Plus, who could say no to spending extra time with Professor Rogers? Even if it was only to discuss your research paper. You’d be an idiot to pass up the opportunity. 

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that a lot, Professor.” You agreed, placing your notebook and pen back in your book bag. 

“Great,” He started, walking down to his rectangular desk at the front and throwing a leather satchel over his shoulder. “We can move to my office if that’s alright, less noisy.” He said, motioning with his hand to the hallway outside. 

You nodded, grabbing your book bag and following his lead. His office was connected to the classroom, so it wasn’t a long walk until the both of you were inside and he was closing the door behind you. 

He cleared his throat, running a hand over his beard as he shuffled around to his desk chair. “Go ahead- have a seat, make yourself comfortable.” His voice was a little less formal now as he spoke to only you, something you took note of. It was still just as alluring, but less… intense, perhaps. 

It was the first time you had ever been in his office. The two of you were alone, on top of that. You allowed yourself to look around, noticing the various decorations he had that cozied up the place. He had a few framed pictures, none of them featuring any sort of wife or kids, a bookshelf with its contents in pristine condition, a rubix cube and some small wooden puzzles, his degree framed and hanging on the wall behind him, some posters of World War Two propaganda, and a coat rack in the corner. It seemed very fitting, to say the least. 

You sat yourself in the big leather chair across from his desk, crossing your legs at the thigh and untensing your shoulders. It was close enough to him that you could hear him breathing and your shoe was grazing the bottom of the desk, but far away enough to where you hoped he couldn’t see the flush in your face. 

“Would you like some water or coffee or anything?” Professor Rogers offered, taking a quick swig of his own mug of black coffee. 

“Oh, no thank you I’m fine.” 

He threw you a tight lipped smile before asking to see what notes you’ve gathered so far. You reached down into your bag, grabbing your notebook back out and opening to the messily scribbled on page. 

“So, my ideas for the topic are between the Blitzkrieg against Holland and Belgium, Dunkirk and Operation Dynamo, or Normandy and Operation Overlord.” You said, watching your professor read through the detailed notes you had jotted down about each one. 

He leaned back in his chair, his eyes studying you.“You know- my colleagues weren’t wrong when they told me how great of a student you are. I guess I just didn’t expect this level of responsibility and brightness.” 

He’s talked about you?

If your face was hot before- it was nearly melting now. “Oh, thank you, Professor. I’ve always been really invested in my studies, so…”

“It’s admirable, Y/n. In my seven years of teaching here I have yet to come across a student of your caliber. You raise the bar, that’s for sure.” 

“Oh, now you’re just being too nice-” 

He shook his head. “No, it’s completely true. Each time I grade something of yours I feel dumb. And I was a World War Two nerd back in the day.” 

Your heart was fluttering like crazy and you felt like if he kept complimenting you like this you’d just explode right there in his fancy, and probably super expensive, leather office chair. “Thank you, Professor. I apologize for making you feel stupid.” You joked with a grin, hoping to lighten the air that surrounded you, the one that was drowning you in his scent. 

A deep laugh rumbled from his chest. “Apology accepted. Now back to your paper…” 

Professor Rogers sat there and talked with you, giving you amazing feedback on what topics he thought would work best, as well as writing down sources you could check out and use. By the time the two of you had wrapped up the sun was gone for the day, replaced by her sister glowing high and full in the obsidian sky. 

“Shoot-” You started, glancing down at your watch and noticing the time. It was a quarter to ten. “I should probably get going. I didn’t even realize what time it was, sorry for keeping you here so long.” You finally stood, gathering your strewn out notes and shoving them into your bag before you tossed it on your back. 

He stood too, reaching for his coat and satchel. “It’s not a problem, Y/n. Why don’t you let me drive you back to your dorm? It’s probably not too safe to walk there alone this late.”

“Oh, no I couldn’t ask you to do that- it’s okay.”  You attempted to decline, not wanting your professor to go out of his way to drive you home when you’ve already taken up his night. 

Once again, he shook his head. “You’re not asking, I offered and I insist. I’m sure you know how sketchy this campus can be after dark.” 

You bit at your lip. “Are you sure?” 

He moved to the door, his car keys twirling between his fingers. “Positive. C’mon.” He said as he held his office door open, the lights in the classroom already off. You threw him a sweet smile, slipping between the open door and waiting for him as he locked his office up. 

The walk to the parking lot wasn’t long and was spent mostly in silence. The both of you came to a stop next to the only car left in the lot- a deep red Chrysler 300, and he moved to open the passenger door for you. You whispered a timid thank you.

His car was in such good condition you wondered if your professor was a secret germaphobe. It smelled like it had just been cleaned recently, too, but a single Black Ice air freshener hung from the rear view mirror, swaying slightly from the door closing once you were in. Your breathing was labored, heart nearly in your ass at the thought of being in your professor's car. Alone. 

He climbed in just a moment later, shoving the keys into the ignition and letting the car whir to life. He looked over at you, already watching his movements intently. 

“Where to?” He asked, that familiar grin back on his face. 

You told him which residence hall you lived in, albeit a lot shakier than you intended to. He gave a nod, turning onto the main road in the direction of your dorm. 

It was silent for a moment, but his voice rang out, startling you a bit. “I hope you didn't mind me being too forward with wanting to drive you home, but I would have been uncomfortable making you walk back by yourself this late.” 

Oh fuck-

Oh sweet Jesus fucking Christ- 

His hand had found a home on your thigh as he spoke, his warmth radiating through your jeans and into your skin, traveling somewhere that made you wanna- 

“It’s fine, I just didn’t want to inconvenience you.” You managed to get out, completely and utterly baffled at how composed you sounded when you were on the verge of whimpering from his huge hand being so close to your- 

He squeezed his hand down, your denim clad flesh tingling under his palm. And just as quickly as he put it there he retracted it, settling it back down on his own leg. “Not an inconvenience in the slightest. I promise.” He assured.

You hadn’t realized the car had stopped in front of your residence hall until your professor put the car in park. You glanced out the window before speaking. “Thanks again for driving me here, Professor Rogers.” 

“Steve. You can just call me Steve- outside of class, I should specify.” He said, eyes finding yours in the low light of the car's interior. 

You nearly choked on your breath. 

Outside of class? What the fuck does that mean? 

“Okay... well, thank you again- Steve.” You emphasized the name, smiling as you opened the passenger door and stepped out, grabbing your bag. Before you could close the door he called out. 

“Have a good night, Y/n. See you Wednesday.” 

“Yeah, see you then.” You said, finally shutting the car door and turning to walk inside, your eyes wide and your stomach doing an entire gymnastics routine. Your keys fumbled in your hands and you internally groaned, hoping he wasn’t still watching you even though you knew his car hadn’t left yet. 

Your roommate, Yelena, was pacing in the kitchen when you got back, a half-eaten tub of ice cream held against her stomach. 

“Dude! Where the hell have you been? You never get home this late- I was contemplating calling the cops.” She yelled through a bite of cookie dough. 

The day's events swirled in your mind, a slight smile pulling at your lips. Your back leaned against the door, your thoughts racing. 

“Oh you know- the library.” You lied. 

“The library closes at eight on Mondays.” 

You giggled, a dreamy stare lingering in your eyes as you made your way to your room. “Uh huh- goodnight Yelena” 

-

-

-

My Masterlist 

If you enjoy my work please consider supporting me! > My Ko-Fi

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers smut #steve rogers series #captain america #professor!steve #steve smut #dark!steve #jealous!steve #protective!steve #soft!steve #nomad!steve #andy barber #mcu #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers blurb #steve rogers headcanon #college!au #The Avengers #Smut #smut series #thepsychewrites #littledove #little dove #Bucky Barnes #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfic #steven grant rogers #chris evans

[repeterwiggin]

i decided to make notes as I watched POF (SVSR) for the second time and damn. it’s just as much of a rollercoaster even when you know what’s coming (warning this is long there’s a lot going on)

- wild to me how we jump straight in!

- lee & mary lee are adorable & also thomas at the wedding is a Mood literally me at all my friends weddings

- the flashback breaks my heart,

- Patton is still a really good trier... he’s so good and he tries so hard and I love him

- the way thomas rips off his suit jacket...

- the song that isn’t sung!

- Patton says “we four helped you” but there were five sides in svs hmm I feel like that’s probably significant in some way

- the ace attorney ref makes me very happy! there was a secret path of me hoping for for a professor layton reference but this is ehhhh kinda close?

- the fact that the first thing they say is “why didn’t we talk to lee and mary lee” like. yeah!!

- WE SHOULD START LOOKING I TO WAYS TO PREDICT THE FUTURE! he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit

- patton and roman bffs!!

- feral cats,,, what a tangent i stan roman

- I like that we get some more context to the invite as well, like being asked face to face does add another element to the dilemma

- Dame Judy Dench = Queen Groovy Bench I see you using those Good Place swears, Roman

- “maybe they ... feel guilty” is like. I get where you’re coming from Patton but talking to them should’ve been step one imo like. I have been to lots of friends weddings and talking to them is important

- “I’m not sure there was a good ending to get” ... “for he’s a jolly good fellow!”

- them calling Patton out for how critical he’s been!!! very important!!! and I appreciate that Patton is trying “I’m just trying to help you be a good as you can be!” he still has more to learn but still im love him

- the bagel callback lol

- GameStore instead of GameStop lol Patton

- FROGGER

- “he eats fly for breakfast”

- We’re ten minutes in and there’s already so much going on

- Also I just want to appreciate that thomas is such a good actor I can tell which side is speaking just from their voice like the cadence is different and they way they say words ahhh it’s something I’ve thought about before but it’s really hitting me with these voice over segments

- Leslie Odom Jr lol if only we’d known

- The Pokemon battle format is so good and I love that it’s being used for a “do you give money to a homeless actor”

- The hotdog puns....

- Logan’s Lowdown!!!

- Roman mouthing “behoove” to Patton is very cute but I feel bad for Logan :(

- Pixel Logan is adorable

- The fact that roman immediately goes “ignorant” breaks my heart listen to logan!!! please!!!!

- Patton trying to soften his thoughts is kind of painful to watch

- “As long as that’s not the main reason you’re doing it!” Patton no,,,,,,,,

- Roman needs to be listened to more he looks so defeated when Patton doesn’t agree with him and only continues after serious prompting I feel like he’s been ignored too many times lately I’m very excited for a roman arc :((

- “Leslie Odom Jr’s....literal cake that he baked!!!”

- Logan’s fun fact popping up in the mario scene!! that’s my boy!!!

- Also the fact that roman is immediately painting deceit as the bad guy after they spent all of svs getting along......like, I feel like after the other sides decided that deceit wasn’t at all genuine or looking out for thomas’ best interests roman did a full 180* on him which makes sense for romans character but is also kinda depressing bc in is lying okay? and svs he was like “oh he’s not that bad!!” And now he’s like “scute bellied tyrant!!” damn

- Patton let’s him talk and then immediately is like “uuuuh no” yikes

- Roman targets all his insults at deceit and very carefully avoids being even playfully rude to anyone else hmm I really do think he’s trying to “make up” for siding with deceit last time and in the end it doesn’t even matter :((( bc he still feels like he’s disappointing people

- Roman seems like he’s genuinely trying to understand and Patton is really struggling to articulate his thoughts and that creates such a good conflict between the two bc it’s not like theyre really against each other it’s just solid interpersonal difference. or intrapersonal I guess

- The trolley problem!!!! A classic I love it

- The way it’s animated too is so good... the “Thomas is full of dread” the way the music cuts when the train appears how it cuts right before the train hits “is it over” ahhhhhh

- Also Leslie Odom Jr again lol

- “Maybe don’t depict scenarios where my friends die” and then later Patton is specifically like “it’s lee and mary lee!!!” lol wild

- “You know we don’t like to use the T word!!!” GREAT little aside

- “So it’s the how that matters” “yeah... and the why!!!” patton baby you’re trying so hard and I love you but it’s okay. you don’t need to have all the answers. you can just not know! I promise it’s alright!

- Thomas face after Patton brings up the “figment of your imagination” things KILLS ME

- I actually disagree with Thomas on the “putting more good into the world” as not being a compelling answer BUT I think that Patton is overlooking how feeling good/having positive emotions attached with those actions IS directly putting more good into the world. like, if doing good makes you feel good, that’s a good thing!! idk

- Logan disagreeing with Patton was good and we all know logan is my favourite but I think he could’ve handled that a little better

- PATTON HITTING SKIP ALL..... sweetie no :((

- everyone has already said this but that cane is the snake boy

- Roman even pulls back the insults on a philosopher who is not there

- Also Roman being like “your desires are getting in the way” again bc he feels like he’s not being listened to or appreciated bc there’s something about him that’s “wrong” and trying to shoulder the blame bc he feels bad that his desires (success, fame, love, appreciation) are inherently selfish :(((

- “that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said” right sentiment, terrible delivery

- the way roman says “you’re just blowing smoke” is a Lot and very much like his fishing for validation but I don’t blame him for it, after what he’s just admitted it’s truly understandable that he needs that validation

- Thomas’ point about feelings motivating him is REALLY good bc we are all motivated by our emotions

- “Doing nothing is even worse!” i mean you’re not wrong but not in the way you think,,

- Logan/Deceit (I do think it’s deceit at this point) using the oxygen mask metaphor is really great to me!!! I love that metaphor & I was going to be a flight attendant so it’s something I thought about a lot. I’ll talk about it more when Deceit brings it up again lol

- “Uuuh I do need help” mood thomas mood

- “Temporarily put himself first” oof

- “It’s easy to say what we would hypothetically do...” hard agree

- Watching logan/deceit huff and roll his eyes solidifies for me that it is deceit like something about it feels unlike Logan lol I can’t explain why

- Roman nodding along with the explanation of why leisure is important makes me very happy

- “Oh is it not? Please correct me if I’m wrong” and the way the sprite pressing further and further and being more expressive with his hands and eyebrows like damn. that’s deceit!!

- Patton’s breakdown is Iconic I love the glitching and the way it zooms out to show the layout of the living room and the way he explodes ahhhhhhh so good

- why does the frog have abs that’s my one question

- lilypadton ahdhajfka I love it

- DECEIT EX MACINA THE REVEAL IS SO GOOD as soon as he started punning (cut through this bull...frog) I was like 👀 AND THEN THE LINES AND THE CAPE AND THE LORD OF THE LIES IM HAPOY TO OBLIGE

- “CODE YELLOW”

- the deceit sprite is so cute :))))

- Deceit pulling Thomas behind him we have to stan

- “Richer than Jeff Bozos” I LOVE that roman I love you

- Deceit calling him out and the way the words themselves turn into attacks is such a fun detail

- Frog Patton still punning even in serious moments is so on brand

- Deceit dodging while thomas gets hit is a solid metaphor

- “The plane is going down, you need to give thomas some room to breathe” oof like it needed to be said but oof

- The health bars changing to “Thomas’ mental health” OOF LADS WE’RE REALLY IN IT NOW

- the way thomas looks when he steps back into frame cracks me up

- “We can still beat him! We’ve beaten him before!” oh roman, but it’s not a fight against deceit :((

- the snakes on the plane ref lmao “I’m sick of this morality fighting snake on this metaphorical plane” whoever wrote that line... I want to give them a high five truly iconic

- Deceit is so much more playful and showing more diverse personality in this ep and I’m living for it

- final fantasy!! the og version turn by turn which is what I like to play lol also the villain they’re fighting kinda looks like Virgil and idk how to feel about that

- Deceit looking away as soon as logan pops up lmaoooooo

- “Not that any of you care...” logan baby no!!!!! I care!!!!

- Effective Altruism explanation and Logan making a point to go “it employs the heart and the mind” like ... reminding Patton that they need to work together and they’re on the same side I’m soft

- Deceit and Logan agreeing warms my heart they’re both so good and ahhhh

- “Emphasis on the ‘sometimes’ though, right?” “Yeah sure whatever — I mean yes! Of course!”

- I also love how deceit addresses thomas directly they don’t do that a lot but it makes sense cause deceit is really trying to persevere thomas’ self

- Him calling roman noble and roman not believing it :((( deceit trying to be honest and ahhhhh I’m so sad

- “Selflessness isn’t always the answer” which was exactly what svs was supposed to be about

- “What do you almost all things?” “Oh you’re right we wouldn’t want to plant too many trees, imagine how much CO2 might absorbed”

- lmao why am I so impressed by Roman’s deceit impression when they’re literally the same person

- roman flipping out and attacking deceit is a Big Yikes but it’s totally in character bc roman has always been black and white even more so than Patton and it’s been building to an arc for a loooong time so I’m very excited

- Deceit taking off his glove.... saying his name......... I can’t process this

- JANUS!!!!!!!!!! It’s so good it’s perfect I love it I love him

- roman immediately laughing yikesssss

- “Oh roman thank god you don’t have a moustache otherwise between you and remus I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is” YIKESSS but also valid deceit is at a breaking point

- “I thought I was your hero” “you are!”

- I’m going to be thinking about deceit’s—JANUS’S—nod for a long time....was he agreeing with Thomas or was he saying that Thomas was lying ahhhhhhh

- “Everything’s going to be okay. We love you.” “...right” AH MY HEART

- I want to give roman a hug

- Patton asking Janus for advice like right away and Janus not being great at first but coming around quickly with the ever true “it depends” like I love the two of them together the DYNAMIC POTENTIAL

- Janus does seem fond of Patton which is cute I can’t wait for everyone to be friends again lol

- ACTUAL LESLIE ODOM JR I CANNOT

- how did they make that happen,,,, how wild

- the clapping

- “This sanders sides not odom sides,, I’m not threatened at all” that is, somehow, a mood

- “don’t kill, don’t steal, easy conclusions to come to” “even those can get iffy” “I don’t want to think about that... but maybe that proves my point!” you what we call that? growth

- “Giving too simple answers to complicated questions can do more harm than good” “mmhmm”

- “So I’m sorry! Again!” Poor boy is trying to hard and I love him :((( so much <3333

- “Oh yeah that’s cool, talk about me like I’m not here” I love you Janus!!!”

- “I’ll take care of him” and then immediately joking around and trying to make thomas laugh is very cute thomas needed something lighthearted after all of that ahhh

- “You’re not stuck with an EVIL snake boy...you’re just stuck with a snake boy!!” I LOVE YOU JANUS what an adorable nerd I would die for him

- and how excited he gets about being called right he deserves it

- “I love how much you like these constant dilemmas so please keep overthinking things” you know what I needed to hear that man

- “You can’t get doing good down to a science” WORD

- the message of treating yourself well & finding the right balance between that and doing good for others being a personal thing is very good and much needed

- Lee and Mary Lee are onscreen for like 3 minutes and I love them so much

- “So this is what you do for a living? Comedy?” “Yeah I’m a hack”

- Patton and Janus chilling on the same screen... I adore them

- “Seems like things worked out after all... I was wrong about everything!” “You and I both know that’s not true” and Patton’s soft little smile I love them!!!!

- “Odom sides would cool!” like actual Leslie Odom Jr said that.... I’m shook

- okay that’s the end it’s just as much a rollercoaster the second time around no I am not okay, thank you for your time

#sanders sides #sanders sides spoilers #putting others first #selfishness vs selflessness redux #sanders sides reactions

[svtsweet]

Don’t Change

A/N: Ahhhhhhh so sorry!! I wanted to take a nap yesterday before posting it but it turned into a full on slumber (. - .) I’ll still try to post tomorrow but it’ll most likely still be late...

Joshua X Reader

Summary: There’s something about the way Joshua acts around you that peaks your curiosity. When the opportunity presents himself, will the truth be worth knowing?

Warnings: Kidnapping, Stalking

Word Count: 5412

There is nothing stronger than your hatred for literature. All your life it’s been a pain, ever since the first word you couldn’t read out loud. College was supposed to be a break from it, everyone told you that you get to pick your own classes but no, it has to be a core class you have to take. You avoided it your first two years but you don’t want to spend your last year having to worry if you’ll pass the class or not. That stress is specifically reserved for graduation.

You heave a sigh as your professor goes on about rhetoric and the principles of what would make an A worthy essay. Rolling your eyes, you land on anything other than the projecting screen. The backs of the heads of those sitting in front of you is the first thing you see. It’s mostly freshman but from the first week of introduction, sophomores also introduced themselves, yet you were still the only junior in the class. Looking around, a corner of the class where a spare desk is propped catches your eye. Joshua, the class TA sits happily, his full attention on the stack of papers he’s reading. You wince, knowing that he’s not holding just any papers but the in class essay your professor threw at you from last class. Essays are hell, in class essays however are the Devil himself.

Not realizing that you’ve been staring at him for too long, he glances up at you but the second his eyes meet yours, his head drops. To anyone else, it might seem like a common awkward exchange but ever since you first walked in through those doors, you knew Joshua has something against you. Your first day, you noticed that he stared at the floor whenever you talked. All your attempts to lock eyes with him ended in him hanging his head, his bangs covering them like a curtain and the straight line of his lips causing you to frown.

“This is the first major essay of the semester so I hope you’ll put your best effort and come and ask for help if you need it.”

Your professor’s notice breaks you of your trance and you catch the last slide. An essay? You sigh, knowing that you couldn’t have hid from it for long. Now the time has finally come for you to come clean to your professor and beg for extra credit.

Meeting your professor at the front of the classroom, you take a deep breath and run through the speech prepared in your head. “Hi Professor. I wanted to let you know in advance that I’m not a very good writer but I really want to pass your class so is it possible to work on some extra credit to add to my grade?”

She blinks at you but smiles. “That’s alright! You’d be surprised how many people struggle with writing but I’d rather you have some extra help for your essay instead of giving up on it by doing extra credit before you hand it in. I’ll tell you what.” She waves her hand to Joshua who walks over. Your brows knit together and you can feel your intestines twist with displeasure. “Joshua is just an amazing tutor as he is an assistant. He could help you write your essay if the both of you are okay with it?”

You don’t have to move your eyes to him to know he isn’t looking at you. Does she not know that the person she’s saying could help you is the last person that would even look to you? How in the world is he supposed to talk to you if he can’t do that? But you have to admit, getting tutored by Joshua could help you in figuring out why he’s so set on ignoring you. “I’m okay with it.”

To your surprise, he speaks. “I don’t mind either. We could start tomorrow at this same time.”

“Great!” you professor chimes. “Then I’ll see the both of you on Wednesday.”

With everything settled, you walk back to your seat to pack your things. While stuffing the handouts from earlier into your backpack, you hear Joshua ask if he can finish his work in the class, and she agrees. “I see nothing wrong with it,” being her response. You slow down your actions, carefully watching your professor from the corner of your eye. Once she leaves, it’ll be just you and Joshua, and your palms sweat thinking of it. You need to get on his good side if he’ll be helping you write your essay, also if he’ll spill the beans on why he thinks looking into your eyes will turn him into stone.

Joshua pulls out a pen from his pencil pouch, no sign of acknowledging you whatsoever. You sigh through your nose and walk up to him, clearing your throat when he doesn’t look up.

“Need any help?”

His pen stops moving, his mouth opening slightly but otherwise he remains unmoving.

“I’m not good with words but I can help organize some things.”

The silence is thick enough to cut with a knife but you stick with your plan. He’s going to need to talk, even if it’s to shoo you away. His hand travels to a separate pile, one that you recognize as the homework that was due today.

“You can split these according to the prompt answered.” His voice is delicate, as if he could shatter if he were a decimal louder. He pushes the stack towards you and it’s with a small grin that you grab the nearest chair and sit across from him. That’s one small step for you and a bigger step for your essay quality!

You grab the first paper, putting it to the side as you begin a pile. The scribbling of Joshua’s pen and ruffling of your papers is the only noise inside the room. A feather dropping would be the equivalent of an explosion with how quiet it is, and it disturbs you more than Joshua’s attitude towards you.

“So,” you start, almost startling yourself with the relatively loud volume of your voice, “what year are you in?”

“I’m in my fourth,” he answers quickly.

You nod. At least it’s something. “That’s cool. Are you going to graduate next semester?”

“Yeah.”

Another short answer. “What’s your major again?”

“English.”

“Oh, well that makes sense why you’re a TA for this class.”

He nods, the slightest curve of his mouth causing you to halt. “I guess so.”

You go on like this, you asking him simple questions while he gives you short responses. It’s not much, but from the small conversations, you realize that Joshua is somewhat of a nice guy for someone that only stared at in-class essays for a duration of almost twenty minutes. Yet, you can tell that he’s hiding something as well. Why else would he act strange around you? Dragging on the stacking for as long as you could, you place the last paper into the third pile.

Rising from your seat, you grab your bag and declare, “Okay my work is done.” Joshua inches his head up, the smallest glint in his eyes. You lose your breath for a second, mesmerized by how deep they are. “Um, I’m not really good with this stuff, but I’ll try really hard tomorrow.” Those beautiful eyes are sinking you deep into him, so deep that you start to feel yourself drown in the chocolate pools.

He offers a smile that causes your knees to buckle. Is it hot in here? “I appreciate that, and thank you for helping me.”

Your bag becomes heavier as he finishes, and you have to force yourself to stand up straight to keep him from knowing. Okay it really is hot in here now. “Uh yeah,” you mutter, slowly stepping back to the door. “So I’ll, um, tomorrow!”

Stumbling out the door, you latch a hand to your frantically beating heart. He actually looked at you, and- was that a smile? The heat on your cheeks gives no sign of going away soon and it has you frantically thinking of how to make them go away before-

“Hey Y/N!”

Oh great. Dowoon grins brightly at you and hangs an arm around your shoulder when you get closer to him. Tzuyu trudges along, punching your shoulder playfully as she catches up.

“What took you so long? Dowoon and I were beginning to think you died from boredom on top of your desk.”

Rolling your eyes, you let the younger duo lead you out of the building. Now you have to tell these two that you won’t be able to hang out tomorrow on account of your tutoring session. On the bright side, you seemed to have gotten on Joshua’s good side. If you’re lucky, the time will breeze by and you’ll make yourself a new friend in the process. Maybe even get over how awestruck you were because of a simple smile. It shouldn’t be too hard to get a small draft done right?

….

It’s hard, so very hard.

Joshua is great, but this essay is on a whole other level. What was your teacher thinking having you use three class articles and two outside references for your first major essay? You’ve barely gotten down a basic thesis and all it took was….forty seven minutes. You groan and flop your head down to the table in the second floor of the library. This is going to be impossible. The only thing that might get you through this session are Joshua’s constant praises. Seriously, the man has a way of boosting your self esteem. Only it wouldn’t be as concerning if he managed to maintain eye contact with you for more than ten seconds.

“Almost there Y/N. How about you give me one more quote from last week’s article we could use and we call it a day?”

Lifting your head from the hard surface, you give him a small nod and go back to the article in front of you. You scan the pages, pencil tapping the edges and hand clawing at your scalp. “What about this one?” you ask pointing to a small section on the second page.

“That’s a great one to use!” His eyes flick to yours suddenly but just like how this session started, they land somewhere else. You wouldn’t think much of it if it weren’t for the forced smile on his lips. It’s nothing like the smile he gave you yesterday and makes you wonder why he’s so intent on hiding behind the wall he built between the two of you.

The pencil in your hand twirls in your hand as you debate your options. Joshua is right there sitting next to you, so you could easily answer the question of his strange behavior around you. On the other hand, it would seem rash to ask him something like that when he’s not even an acquaintance. Biting your bottom lip, you shove the queasy feeling in your stomach and turn in your chair.

“Joshua.” His eyes flutter up to you but fall back down in a second. You can’t back down now. “I’m sorry if this is weird to ask but, why do you act so weird around me?” There, you said it.

Joshua liks his lips tensely, his back hunching and shoulders closing him in like a cage. It has you keening to hug him tight and let him pour his troubles onto you, but you hold yourself back. “I didn’t think you would notice Y/N.” You almost regret asking him, the pain on his features evident and wailing at you like sirens. “I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Shaking your head, you give out your response quickly before he starts thinking badly. “No it’s not that! I’m only asking because I want to fix whatever it is that I did wrong.”

Suddenly, his gaze is on you, serious yet afraid. “You did nothing wrong Y/N.”

“Then what is it?”

He brushes a nervous hand through his hair and sucks in a troubled breath. “You remind me of someone I used to know. We used to be good friends but something changed and then we had to part ways. Seeing you just brings those memories back.”

A silent oh escapes your lips as your chest aches with guilt. So that’s what it was. You lean in closer to him, the smell of his detergent invading your senses. “I’m sorry that I bring up those memories Joshua, but you don’t have to worry about things changing with me.”

Joshua tilts his head enough to peek at you from beneath his bangs, a delicate smile forming on his lips. “That means a lot to me. Thank you.”

“Any time Joshua.”

“Then, is it okay with you if we become friends?”

Nodding gently, you give him a promising grin. “That would be amazing.”

….

“Alright class, for this exercise, you’ll be pairing up every fifteen minutes to go over the themes of this article,” your professor instructs.

Immediately, you turn to look at the girl sitting next to you. She does the same, that universal glance pushing away all the jitters that come with finding a partner in a roomful of people you can barely remember the names of. You scoot closer to her, introducing yourself in the small chance she forgot your name (and she could give you her’s).

“So what did you think of the article?”

You shrug. “It’s interesting but it was difficult to follow along with-”

“Everything okay over here?”

You both look up to see Joshua leaning towards you, a hand planted firmly on your table. “Uh, yeah everything’s good.”

“Do you need any help?”

Lisa, your partner, shakes her head. “No I think we’re-”

“Are you sure you don’t need help, Y/N?”

Joshua is stern, eyes completely locking you down as he ignores Lisa. You can feel your head hurting with his duality but end up nodding, shock filling your system. “Yes.”

Then, the clouds in his eyes clear, a bright glow returning to his face. “Then let me know when you need me.”

He walks off, going around the classroom but something about it has you on the edge of your seat. It could be that it reminds you of how a predator stalks its prey before pouncing on them that gives you chills. Or the fact that the only time you don’t see him staring right at you is when he blinks. You try to shrug it off, mostly because you don’t want to things between you and Lisa to get stale. You get through talking about the themes of the article just in time for you to find new partners, only this time, your second partner is hesitant to agree. You can’t help but think that it’s because he probably saw how Joshua reacted with Lisa. Even then, you manage to get through the whole fifteen minutes without being disturbed. It in your third and last conversation that Joshua returns. You and your partner are having clashing ideas about the theme, it’s a friendly argument but with the way Joshua barges in, it’s as if the both of you were seconds away from tearing each other’s hairs off. “Hey guys, don’t fight about this, it’s really simple. The author makes it clear in their third paragraph what the theme of the article is.”

“Uh thanks.” Your partner shifts in his seat uncomfortably though it should be the other way around with how close Joshua is standing next to you.

“And if I heard you two correctly, I think Y/N is on the right track. Carry on.”

He gives you a small pat but you lurch forward, his touch burning on your back. It’s difficult to continue your conversation with your partner after that and the professor announcing the exercise being over is a blessing in disguise. For the first time this semester, you keep your gaze away from Joshua, being focused on making it out of class in one piece before he turns the rest of the students against you. Once you’re allowed to leave, you head straight to the door. Maybe Tzuyu and Dowoon would know what to do in this situation.

Like always, they wait for you in the hallway only this time their smiles are replaced with frowns.

“Hey Y/N, what’s wrong?” Tzuyu asks.

You piece your words carefully. It’s not like you want them to think badly of Joshua since he could have been acting on good intentions. “Um, there’s this guy in my class.”

Dowoon smirks at you, a devious shine in his eyes. “A guy you say?”

You shake your head at him, trying to get back on track. “Yes but that’s not the point.

He’s been acting really strange around me lately and-”

“Oh, does he have a crush on you?” Tzuyu suddenly interrupts, hands on your shoulders

swaying you back and forth. “He could have a crush on you,” she sings.

Dowoon takes your hands and swings them back and forth along with Tzuyu. “Y/N has a secret admirer!”

You’re about to tell them to knock it off when a voice rips through the hallway, stunning the three of you.

“Hey! Stop touching Y/N like that!”

Joshua stomps to you, a hand grabbing your arm and yanking you to him. You can feel the heat of his body but in a way that has you recoil, wanting to tug your hand free and find a way to cool down. “Y/N are you okay?”

His grip on your arm lessens and you’re able to pull yourself free, drawing back to the comforting presence of your friends. “Yeah, they were just playing around, nothing serious.” Joshua’s hard stare doesn’t falter, remaining unyielding until you muster enough energy to curve a corner of your lip up. “Really, I’m fine Joshua.”

He breathes a quick sigh, his shoulders relaxing and your heart automatically slowing its fast pace. “Good. Listen, I know that we have tutoring tomorrow but what do you think about throwing in a quick session to refresh yesterday?”

Your mouth twitches with the need to drop your faux happiness, sweat gradually starting to form on your forehead. “That great but I already made plans with my friends so I’ll just meet up with you tomorrow, same place same time.”

It’s uncanny how Joshua remains still, that same glint possessing your body as his eyes fixate on you. “Alright then, have fun.”

Dowoon and Tzuyu haven’t said anything throughout the entire conversation, their bodies staying limp and mouths gaping at you. Grabbing their arms, you drag them out of the building, as far away from Joshua Hong as you can possible get.

….

The pins fall with a loud clack as the bowling ball hits them with all the frustration you have bottled up. Ever since that conversation with Joshua, Dowoon and Tzuyu let you properly explain your predicament with him. It’s safe to say that they think he’s crazy, and not in a fun and spontaneous way. Then again, they throw that word around like a beach ball almost every day so it could just be them being the rambunctious kids at heart they are. Yet, there was something about Joshua’s behavior in class today that has you siding with them. The guy went from painfully shy sweetheart to scary possessive freak. You plop down on the brightly colored seat by Dowoon as Tzuyu takes her turn, grabbing a yellow bowling ball from the rack. You lean back in your seat, trying to get your muscles to relax from the tension you were getting just thinking about Joshua. You definitely need to bring this up tomorrow during your tutoring session, maybe even talk to your professor about cancelling them altogether.

A sudden poke from Dowoon has your mind reeling back from it’s deep thoughts, a wave of worry making its way up your body when you catch the way his jaw drops. Following his finger, You almost fall out of your chair seeing Joshua standing by the entrance. He saunters in and takes a seat at a table near the food stand, a seat that’s right behind your bowling aisle.

“Did he follow us here?” Dowoon harshly whispers.

You shake your head, nails digging into your scalp. “I don’t know, maybe. But that’s not

good, right?”

He moves his head up and down like a broken bobble head. “Right!”

The both of you return to Tzuyu who only managed to get a split, an angry frown dancing

on her lips. Dowoon calls her over, a wave of his hand indicating she should get closer to the two of you.

“Tzuyu, we need to leave.”

She scoffs. “Why? Because I’m beating both of you by thirty points?”

“No, because that guy you thought has a crush on me followed us here and we need to leave.”

Tzuyu stares at you wildly, obviously not believing you. However, her eyes grow wide when you jab a thumb behind you.

“Holy-”

“Yup, so let’s go right now.”

Neither of them disagree despite there still being another round that you paid for waiting for you. You maneuver them through the empty aisles and run up the steps to the upper level, eyes downcast as to not get sucked in by those dark brown eyes. Your heart is hammering when you get past him, feet pounding against the tacky carpet floor with the urge to sprint out but you can’t, not with those stupid bowling shoes that are still on you. The three of you basically throw your shoes at the worker behind the counter to get your missing pair back. You tap your fingers rapidly on the counter, the slow and steady pace of the worker getting on your last nerve. He’s right behind you and he could walk up to you at any second! You should look back, just a quick glance to see if he’s staring at you. You shake your head out of your wild thoughts. How could you be so stupid to pull a classic horror trope move? The blood is rushing to your head by the time you get your shoe back, awkwardly shoving your foot inside so you can run out of the building. Dowoon and Tzuyu aren’t far behind you, practically pushing you out the door and towards your car. Yet, you can’t help yourself, you need to look back.

You crane your head back, hesitant but eager. There he is, still in the same position you first saw him. His hands prop his head, an intense gleam in his eyes that dig inside you, having you suppress a whimper. Before scurrying inside your car, you catch what could be the smallest hint of a smirk.

….

Your palms are sweating a river on your lap. You can’t begin to raise your head knowing that Joshua would be searching you with those eyes of his. You can hear him scribbling down on your article, which one, you’re not too sure. He’s been doing most of the work for you ever since you sat down with him about an hour ago. From there, you tried bringing up yesterday, his insistent barging on your conversations, him following you and Dowoon and Tzuyu, and most importantly him never releasing that powerful hold of his eyes on you.

“This should work for your body paragraphs. What do you think Y/N?”

With your mind worked up, you don’t even hear what he asked but you nod just in case. “It’s good.”

Joshua smiles at you and you’re reminded of yesterday, that smirk.

“Um, Joshua.”

He hums, putting his pen down to give you his full attention and you shiver beneath your jacket. No going back now.

“Yesterday, did you follow me off campus?”

His smile widens and you can feel your stomach flip at the action. “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“A lot Joshua. It’s not okay to follow someone around.” Your words spill from your lips, unfiltered. The regret is instantaneous but you can’t help it.

Joshua’s smile flattens, his shoulders drooping and those eyes reverting to your article. He’s back to how he used to act around you. Guilt gnaws at your sore stomach, drawing you place a hand on his lax shoulder.

“I-It’s not a big deal! I wanted to let you know so you don’t do it again.” Why does it feel like you’re lecturing a child? His expression remains unmoving so you sigh and tilt in your chair to face him. “Can you tell me why you’re acting like this? I don’t want there to be bad blood between us.”

He breathes a sigh, the tiniest glance making you melt. “That friend,” he starts, voice cracking, “they were very close to me but then they started hanging out with other people. Then, they talked to me less and less until they all they would do is push me away.” You can hardly catch his words since they’re so low but they still cause your heart to shake. “It all happened so suddenly I didn’t know what to do. All I remember was being alone for the longest time because of them. Nobody would talk to me because rumors would spread about me and I knew it was because they were things only they knew about me. They did that to me.”

Shame is all you can feel. You were really calling him a creep just yesterday because he wanted to get close to you. Before you know it, you’re wrapping your arms around his falling figure, holding him tightly as you push out your foul thoughts about him.

“I’m so sorry Joshua, I didn’t know.”

His arms fold around you, trembling and ghosting over your body.

“I’ll try to be a better friend to you.”

You can feel him shake his head on your shoulder, strands of hair tickling your cheeks. “No, it’s me that should be saying that. I didn’t want to lose you but I ended up pushing you away.” He lets go of you and you pull back from the embrace. “I’ll be better.”

You give his shoulders a last squeeze. “Thanks.” Packing up your articles, you stand and look down at him, his eyes softer and back to how you first saw them. “I’m heading back to my dorm, want to come with? We can keep talking.”

Joshua follows, his chair scratching the carpet in a way that makes you wince. “That’s perfect.”

You lead the way, asking more about his past, what he wants to do with his major, and the like. The air between you is warm, inviting and you can’t help but let your worries ease away with every gleam of his eyes. Soon, you’re in front of your building, playing with the straps of your bag as you face him to give him a goodbye.

“So this is it?” he asks.

“Sure is. My dorm is that one in the corner,” you respond by pointing at the unlit window on the third floor.

He sighs. “I hope your roommates aren’t the type to keep you up all night.”

You shake your head, a sly smile making its way. “No, I live in a single so no roommates for me.”

Joshua’s brows rise. “Wow, it must be great living alone.”

You chuckle, one foot toeing towards the building. “It really is. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow Joshua.”

He waves a goodbye, taking one step back. “See you soon.”

You step into your building, a cold wave almost knocking you back but you press forward, taking the elevator to your floor. You flop onto your bed, euphoria taking over your body at having the conflict finally resolved. Joshua and you are on good terms now and you can’t wait to see where this friendship leads to. With a groan, you get up from your bed to change into your pajamas and go to brush your teeth and wash your face in the bathroom. Your bed never looked so inviting as when you walk back in and you quickly get under the covers. Your mind immediately goes to Joshua as warmth spreads to your limbs. How is it possible that someone would push him away? Sure he does seem to have a few rough edges but he would never hurt a fly. Whoever that friend of his was surely doesn’t deserve him now. They’re better out of his life anyway. Still, you need to thank them for being a complete douche because otherwise, Joshua wouldn’t have stumbled into your life.

You close your eyes, letting this thought drive you to your slumber. It won’t be much longer until you wake up to get to class and see him once more.

….

Heavy. You feel heavy. And you head. It also feels heavy, but also light. What’s going on with you?

You open your eyes, the lids irritatingly pushing down to keep you in the darkness but you force them to let in the light. They remain lidded, but from the small gap you can see through, hints of dark green and grey make up your sight.

Where are you?

You roll your eyes back and forth like a rusty seesaw and it’s to your right that you catch the movement of feet. They’re awfully close to you and their footsteps echo loudly in your rattling skull.

Why do you feel so tired?

Your senses slowly come back to you, your fingers twitching to move but falling back to their sleep-like state. The pad of your palm is against something. Fabric? And your arm, it’s raised, like you’re being held up by it.

What’s going on?

Your thighs tense as you realize you’re not wearing your pajamas. Sneakers cover your feet which drag on the ground, the sound of gravel and rubber scraping against each other causing your back to chill with sweat.

The heat to your right vibrates and it’s when your body is adjusted with a jerk that you feel a hand grip your waist tightly. You want to scream but all you can produce is a strangulated groan. Why is your throat so closed up?

“Oh are you awake?”

Why does that voice sound so familiar? You arch your head as much as you can, but it sags back down like a bag of sand. It hurts.

A quiet laugh enters your numb ears. “It was difficult to change you out of your clothes Y/N.”

That voice.

“But not as difficult of convincing the guy at the front desk that you were someone that drank too much and wandered into the wrong building.”

Is it?

“Breaking into your room was much easier. It’s a good thing you live by yourself or else things would have gotten a lot messier.”

Joshua? You’re too sleepy to push him off, then again, you can barely keep your eyes open. What has he done to you? You focus on moving your hand but all you can do is bend your finger.

He clicks his tongue. “It’s too bad you can’t walk right now, it would move things a lot faster.”

Where is he taking you? Your heart can’t even pump faster to get your adrenaline going. All it does is beat slowly, almost sag against your ribs.

“We’ll be home soon Y/N.” Home? What does he mean? You eyelids droop, a flicker of pitch black causing you to panic and you force them open before your drowsiness induces you to fall asleep. “Then things will go back to how they used to be. We’ll be good friends just like before and you won’t leave me this time.”

No. No, he can’t be serious. Your eyelids dangle dangerously close together. You need to stay awake. Don’t fall asleep now.

“Nothing will change this time. I’ll keep you with me, I’ll protect you. You will be by my side from now on and you will continue to be like the friend I used to know. You’re not going to change. Not this time.”

You want to scream for help but you can barely open your mouth. The black clings loosely to you. Your head sink further into it, bathing you in the darkness as Joshua’s warmth cages you in.

Your eyes close.

#seventeen #seventeen scenario #seventeen angst #joshua #seventeen joshua #joshua angst #october special #its finally up! #now i can finally binge watch big mouth #its a lot shorter than the other two which i'm not happy about #but i didn't want to stretch it into something more #se la vi

[footnoteinhistory]

today was so good. I’ve only had two of my four classes so far and I know it’s gonna be a heavy workload this semester, and I was getting worried about presentations & participation etc. but I’m going to try to focus on the positives. those presentations will take up, all together, maybe an hour of my semester. I’m not gonna let less than one hour of stressful public speaking (spread out over several occasions) overwhelm me and ruin the next four months. I have great classes ahead of me (ethics, Russian Civ with the adorably nervous and dorky new history professor (and he’s Jewish!), medieval Europe, 1968) and I’m really excited about everything I’m gonna learn

I saw prof this morning and it was so...... :) after my run (which wasn’t great) I rushed to get ready and put a little effort into it and got to campus center a few minutes before he usually does. and gahhhhhh I was so nervous and as soon as I saw him I just.... ahhhhhhh he said hi and got his coffee and we made some small talk about our summers. I really want this year to be less awkward, I want to be able to talk to him without feeling so overwhelmed, but in that moment I felt myself sort of losing my chance so I just blurted out that I started running over the summer. B”H, he used to be a runner! I’d had no idea. we talked for like ten minutes about it—he ran from like high school until he was in his 40s, he misses it, he told me to enjoy and appreciate it while I can, lmao. I told him I usually run 5-10 miles a day and I felt like I was kind of bragging, but hey, maybe I deserve to brag about that. I ran 500 miles and lost 20 lbs this summer, and he’s the reason I started running in the first place. he seemed genuinely happy for me, both with the running and how I was noticeably trying harder to be outgoing, even just with him (if only he knew, especially with him). I’m proud of myself too. having such a good talk with him on the very first day of classes literally made my whole week and set the semester off to a wonderful start. a couple hours later in class (we jumped right into lecture) he even mentioned my term paper from the Great Depression class last semester. he’s a wonderful wonderful man

and socially I’m doing great too!! I went out to a school-hosted event/party on Saturday night and met a bunch of people and it was fun, even though I was so exhausted I was pretty much wiped out for the rest of the weekend. tonight my friend invited me to join them at the waterfront and, completely out of character, I said yes, and I went, and it was the most fun I’ve had with other people here since ever. I’d planned on staying in all night and probably would’ve spent hours doing nothing productive, but I’m trying to force myself to say yes and try new things and experiences and branch out a little bit. and it’s kind of fun. exhausting, unbelievably exhausting, but fun. like prof said today, just showing up at all is maybe the most important thing.

and last, probably most importantly, some of you might remember me mentioning John and Pepper before, a local man and his dog (or, a local dog and his man, tbh) who I’ve gotten to know on their evening walks past my study spot on campus. I saw them for the first time since May tonight when we were swimming in the river! I said “this is probably the first time we’ve seen each other not at my bench” and I was right, bc it took him a few seconds before he recognized me and went oh! and asked me a dozen questions about my summer 😂 before they left he said “we’ll see you tomorrow around the bend!” where I usually study. that was really nice to hear. for a long time, most of my first and sophomore years here, as stupid as it sounds, I felt like he and Pepper were my only friends in the area. we chatted for a few minutes every day, I told him about my classes and he talked about his grandkids and Pepper barked at salamanders, he noticed when I wasn’t there, one time I dropped something that meant a lot to me up there and he found it and knew it was mine and made sure I got it back, he remembers my birthday and the vacations I tell him about, he taught me about the wildlife and the history here and we keep each other up to date on the phases of the moon. huh. I always thought he was just sort of an acquaintance and I was projecting a little bit but writing this all out, he really is one of my very good friends here. here’s to making many more this semester.

#college blogging #I didn’t feel like writing in my journal tonight so I typed it all out here instead :-) #prof is just so nice #he’s so funny and intelligent and being around him just feels right and good #I kind of hate that I call him prof here it sounds so cold #I’d much rather say what I call him irl it’s so much warmer and just hearing his name makes me smile #buuuut what can you do #maybe someday #his book is being published soon 💙

[subskywalker]

Hey! Not sure if you got my ask the first time (if you did, take your time no problem!) or if Tumblr ate it. But I was wondering if you have fic recs with fics that are specifically with sub!Anakin? I really love your HCs btw!!

Ahhh first of all thank you so much for sending this, darling!!! ❤️❤️❤️😊😊😊Thank you so much for liking my blog and my posts I honestly appreciate it so much because I was kinda starting to feel a bit discourage so thank you so so much!!❤️❤️❤️😊😊😊 Second of all I’m so sorry for answering this so late, signal has been hell while on vacation but I hope you enjoy these fics!! These are all my fave sub!anakin fics and I love them with all my heart!!❤️❤️❤️😊😊😊

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10876062 bound up with you by @gffa okay this one is a tie for my fave fic by Moonlight!!! It’s so so so perfect and just the characterization of Anakin and Obi-Wan is spot on for me and gosh like Anakin as an unreliable narrator is just so perfect. Anakin wanting to be tied but being so sure that Obi-Wan will hate him for it, that he won’t understand just makes it for me because Anakin is already sure but he wants it and the slow way Obi-Wan gets it out of him. Then when he does get tied up and fuck the way Obi-Wan looses control it’s just so damn perfect and I love it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551660 patience by @gffa listen I’m always here for Obi-Wan making Anakin be patient and teaching him to ask for what he wants and Anakin slowly melting into it until all that’s left is Obi-Wan and there’s no noises and it’s so damn lovely!!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487280 reunion by @gffa ahhhhhhh this fic is a #blessing it’s a one shot where Obi-Wan was taken prisoner instead of Anakin because he knows Anakin wouldn’t have made it and Obi-Wan gosh Obi-Wan who missed Anakin just as much and decided that he wouldn’t push him away, that he wants Anakin just as much and Anakin who needs to reassure himself that Obi-Wan is there is so perfect!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659555 needing attention by @gffa this one is the other one that’s tied for my favorite by Moonlight!!! All of moonlights fics are amazing and I love them, Moonlight’s sub!anakin is so so similar to mine actually exactly like mine because I view him in the same way. This fic I just hits all the right spots for me because Anakin just wants Obi-Wan’s attention to be on him all the time, wants to have everything that Obi-Wan has to give and just wants more and more. Anakin in the one just wants Obi-Wan to pay attention to him and when he finally does and gives Anakin what he wants and more? Holy shit it’s so fucking amazing tbh!!!https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793313 equinox by @writegowrite listen Lily’s fics are amazing but Equinox is my new favorite and the d/s dynamics are so lovely! The writing is phenomenal and the smut scenes are so hot and lovely and I’m so in love with Isten and Veris and the characterization of Anakin and Obi-Wan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10348461 home again by @writegowrite ahhhh shit this fic is my jam!!!! Anakin who doesn’t listen until Obi-Wan makes him behave and listen and fucks the noise out of Anakin’s head and just damn I love it!!!🔥🔥🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196715 saber’s hilt this fic came for my life too tbh!!!! It has Obi-Wan teaching Anakin to be patient and to ask for what he wants and fuck it’s just so hot and amazing and I love it!!!🔥🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107710 punishment I’m always here for Anakin being punished by Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan making him tolerant to behave and follow directions! It has Obi-Wan edging Anakin and the sex that follows is so damn good!!!💦💦

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872377 bruise ahhhhhhh a damn fucking good oneshot with obianidala and how Obi-Wan and Padme tag team Anakin until they’re satisfied and he knows that he belongs to them and he’s so content to be between his dom and domme and fuck I love it!!!🔥🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12838323 only ones who taste y'all like fuck the fic gave me everything I needed because holy why comeplay (cumplay? Idk who it’s spelled rip me and the fic actually inspired one of my hcs and linked it before) ok so this fic is a sequel to Only Ones Who Know and it just hit all the right spots for me and the way that Anakin just wants to please his partners. Wants to make them feel good and wants them to make him feel winded by them and just goddamn it brought me back to life. 💦💦💦

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12506336 only ones who know this fic boy shit y'all this fic is everything to me!!! Its obianidala and Anakin is so content and happy to be between he two favorite people, to be between his dom and domme and how much he just wants to please them which personally for me I’ve always hc Anakin as the type of sub who wants to please his partners, who wants to be told he’s a good boy and this fic gives exactly that with Padme pegging him while Anakin sucks Obi-Wan’s dick.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422367/chapters/28270203 short stories by @enbycupcake ahhhhhh fuck Zack came for my life with this fic!!! It’s a one shot but Anakin in this is just so eager to please and show Obi-Wan that he can seep throat him and the d/s element is definitely there and it’s just so damn fucking satisfying

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9351233/chapters/26688705 tumblr prompts by @glare-gryphon this one shot has bail/Anakin/obi wan with bail/Anakin being in an established relationship but fuck y'all it’s so fucking hot and amazing especially the way that Obi-Wan is so attracted to Anakin and the way he doms and fucks and makes him listen holy shit it’s so damn good!!🔥🔥🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9799646 destination:nowhere by @skywalker-anakin first of all Kass blessed us with this fic and I never knew I needed it in my life!!!! The d/s Part in it just brought me back to life the way that Anakin just wants more and Obi-Wan gives it to him, the way that Obi-Wan gentle doms him is just perfect!!! I’ve always hc Obi-Wan as a gentle dom and this fic just have it to me and I love it!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5803273 master university au with professor!obi-wan and Anakin being his student who has the hots for him and holy shot it’s fuck amazing y'all like this fic is definitely a must read it’s oneshot but the way the d/s dynamic is in it just fuck it just makes the fic especially when obi-wan makes Anakin behave and the way he makes him be patient holy shit it’s so damn good!!💦💦🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11654949 everything will glow for you a oneshot that fucked my whole life up and I loved it!!!!! It’s so damn good and a must read and d/s dynamic is fucking satisfying and hits all the right spots!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6907405 skyfall this fic is a personal fave of mine! It has the dom/sub undertones and is a oneshot but it’s so hot and just hits all the right places, the way Anakin teases Obi-Wan and the way Obi-Wan tries not to want but he does and he’s conflicted and just damn it’s so lovely.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10898565 safe harbor it has two chapters and is a wip. It’s padwan!anakin and Anakin who wants and craves the bdsm aspect of sex and relationship and the way Obi-Wan provides it for him because he loves him and he wants him and fuck it’s so perfect the way it’s written and chapter two a couple months past and Obi-Wan was conflicted over it and pushed Anakin away but the progression is amazing and I love it!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8938735 anything for you this a oneshot and takes place in modern au but ahhhh I just love it so much!!! It has Anakin and Obi-Wan sexting and the d/s dynamic is so perfect and Anakin who wants to listen and please and Obi-Wan who loves taking care of him and fuck it’s just so perfect and I love it!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12302823 I’m gonna pimp my own fic out, these are collection of prompts both on here and on my main, only three chapters so far but a lot more are to come once I get back from vacation and I can post them! Chapters one and three take place in the sugar baby/daddy bdsm club au!

#obikin #fic rec #lovely writing by lovely people #I'm sorry about not having a read more I'm on mobile rip me #inquiries #lovely anon #my fic recs

[sereneoceanic]

sunnie can u pls hmu with some of ur sweet sweet vaniville headcanons?

GIRLLLL I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TEXT YOU OH SWEETNESS LET’S SEE.

lesse…oh gosh this made me in a better mood already man, i’m stopping studying for a few minuets for this oh boi. warning: it gets long and sappy

headcannons:

DOMESTIC LIFE

Serena loves breakfast but she can’t get up in the morning due to being a night owl, so she hardly gets to have “breakfast food”from the cafes around Luminose city.

Trevor learns different types of breakfast foods that Serena enjoys, and gets her ready for the day, whenever she gets up that is. // she appreciates it, and really loves getting to wake up to delicious breakfast food at like 11 am when everyone is getting ready for lunch.

Trevor is the only one that can actually cook, he cooked for his older sister, since she can’t cook worth a flip, and serena is the type that puts sugar on fries by accident. That girly just doesn’t have a chef hat.

Luckily her loving boyfriend does, he does teach her basic stuff such as eggs, or simple butter cookies. Makes her lunches for her, with cute notes in them.

Trevor on the other hand, can remind people around him to eat, or to maintain good hygiene, but he often forgets to due to long hours of studying with the professor, and filling up the pokedex. 

Serena has had to remind him to get some more sleep, and to eat when it’s 9 at night and his dinner is still in the fridge. And makes him take a shower every other day just in case.

Serena does the laundry, and like to use the frou frou smelling laundry cleaners, multiple people have comment how good Trevor smells when he’s out. It kinda embarrasses him, but he does admit it smells nice. and he doesn’t have the heart to tell Serena.

both of them clean really well, and usually have to do a up to down cleaning every few weeks cause things get cluttered fast due to trevor’s inventions, and serenas clothes that she keeps insisting on buying.

POKEMON RELATED??

 One time for Serena’s birthday, Trevor has his Floette use petal dance to put on a show for her. She adored it.

They have a battle every so often, and still compare Pokedex’s, Trevor has recently surpassed Serena, and she felt so proud of the ecstatic look on his face.

The both have a pikachu/raichu, Serena’s is a girl, and Trevor’s is a boy. They also are lovey dovey, but not as much as Serena and Trevor.

it embarrasses trevs and serena to no end.

when he’s not working trevor watches serena’s fights against protecting her title as champion, and if he can’t be there he watches it on television

serena flirts with him before the match while he’s in the stands (like a wink or blows a kiss) and trevors almost as red as his floettes “hair”

she calls it good luck

trevor calls it embarrassing but still enjoys it even tho his face is plastered on the big screen in the arena rip.

they have matching luvdisc necklaces (both are one whole luvdisc, and each one of them wears one half of it.)

both really want to explore other regions. 

others: ahh confessions

i headcannon that serena confessed her feelings first

it was right before her initial match against diantha

everyone was all prettied up and Shauna was just finishing Serena’s hair for the match

the boys were giving Serena battling tips of their own

serena got more ansty and she was extremely quiet and kept peeking glances towards trevs.

there was one minuet left and serena was practically jumping out of her skin, when it was quiet she thanked everyone for being there with her all this way, while the time was becoming mere seconds, when she looked towards trevor she told him she had something to tell him 

she then blurted the confession out when it was right before she was supposed to go on into the ring, serena was a blushing mess

and it was right in front of the kalos gang wow

tierno, shauna, and calem knew it all along, and shauna almost shattered the glass doors from screaming, calem had to shove a macaron puff in her mouth to get her to hush it

trevor was clueless, an extremely red and oddly more quiet orange who didn’t say anything at first and couldn’t really say anything except yes or a no

she said that he had to answer her only if she won against diantha, and said to please watch her and to have his answer ready when she got back as kalos’ new champion

she then ran out of the room to get to the arena with a wave, with the words, “Wish me luck!”

everyone stared at trevor, with him not saying anything and staring out where serena left

when the gang got to their seats, Serena was shaking Diantha’s hand to wish her a good battle, publicity stuff

Shauna and Tierno, and Calem, shouted cheers of good luck for her as Serena smiled and waved gratefully,

her and trevor made eye contact and Trevor gave a small wave and mouthed “good luck” to her with a smile, 

serena blushed herself and smiled at him and nodded, the battle beginning.

trevor had never taken his eyes off her or her pokemon during the whole match, his feelings were reeling during the whole battle, and he knew his answer before Diantha’s last pokemon hit the ground

serena fought harder than the gang had ever seen her, 

she won 

she honestly never looked more beautiful to him then as she hugged her sylveon in a victory hug with tears streaming down her face, she looked so happy.

After the award ceremony, the moment the two were alone, Serena asked Trevor for his answer 

Trevor was still embarrassed, and it took every amount of strength in him not to stutter from the nervousness

“I feel the same way as you do, Serena. I love you too.”

Serena cried out in joy and hugged him with a huge laugh, lifting him off the ground

Trevs hugged back and laughed too, both out of releasing the nervousness and breathe they had held in

the rest of the gang were watching from behind a fountain

shauna cried happy tears that day

serena and trevor held hands on the way back home

both mom’s were proud

//i know this is long but i just had that last part on my mind for the last two years and ahhhhhhh i hope this helps quench ya

#vanivilleshipping #pokemon x #pokemon y #pokemon x and y #trevor #serena #pokemon trevor #kalos #asks

[dimsumdamsel]

im so thankful to have met chi

i walked into chi's office (the bio lab tech that i'm close to) to grab some food for bosworth and found her office completely empty. at first i didn't think much of it since the quarter is ending soon so i just assumed that she had just packed up and was going on vacation for the summer quarter, but soon found out that she quit her job as lab tech because there are some higher office people who apparently don't like her and kept harassing her and pushing her about how she does her work 

 i'm extremely happy that she's getting away from such a toxic and negative work environment, but it makes me feel really horrible because no one knows how long she's been keeping it to herself. i hear she applied to do some work studies and i really hope things go in her favor because she is such an inspiration and an overall caring person. i can see and hear the passion she has for bio whenever i talk to her about labs and what shes working on and i just really want her to be able to continue being happy with her work without having people criticizing her 

she is the reason i got to take care of bosworth in the first place really, which in hand helped me work on improving my social anxiety because so many people would ask me about him while i was feeding him and cleaning his tank. i've met so many wonderful people through being able to care for bosworth, including one of the genetics professors, who was the one who told me about the situation with chi. she comforted and listened to my concerns about my plans next years and reassured me that the uw admissions people are snakes and completely biased and really made me believe that i cannot let the place i go to define me as a person. she applauded my choice of going to their smaller branches (she actually goes to uw tacoma often for some reason and she's close to the bio people there, but i'm going to bothell weh) and i just i really appreciate her thoughts and inputs on my situation. to be able to hear that from someone i respect so much puts me at ease in a way; she also told me that they rejected her when she applied there for her grad school stuff and believed that it was a really good thing. she called me an amazing student even though she's never seen any of my work and just. aH. she sees something good in me and truly believes that i can get somewhere with that 

 she and her dog, gumbo, really made this quarter bearable and it gave me a reason to actually smile every morning when saying hello and grabbing food for bosworth weh. gumbo is a beautiful austrialian cattle dog mix rescue and extremely temperamental- it took him an entire month to warm up to me (he tried to bite me one day and then the next day, he was jumping on me and asking for the pats and attention) but he's been such a sweet boy ever since then. gumbo has really helped me with stress and i'm extremely grateful to have been able to meet him and it really makes me want to cry at the thought of not being able to sit next to him and just calm down. gumbo and i both have anxiety issues and i’d like to think that being in the same vicinity together really helped both of us. chi has been such a great trainer and dog mom to him and even gave me permission to spend all the time i want with him and take as many pictures i wanted of him, which i find is extremely thoughtful and i just 

ah 

i really love chi and gumbo 

i was also able to meet billy and his dog, gizmo, a corgi-poodle mix, because billy is the guy in charge of the fish tanks that are next to bosworths. i honestly fell in love on the spot with gizmo like wOW he's such a loving dog; the actual definition of a good boy ahhHhhHh and then i was also able to meet hook, a three-legged small tan dog that belonged to a professor that i never really got to meet, but hooks a good boy too!! he and gumbo are usually in chi’s office and they’re really chill with each other, but they're both really jealous boys bAHHA they’ll cry and whine if the other dog gets more attention than the other; gumbo usually whines and then pretends like he doesnt care but always glances back at me and huffs, while hook is more attentive and will literally crawl onto my lap and stare at me until i give him the pats. and then i also got to get closer to alexis and her puppy in training, a seven-month old black lab named nala. she told me about the training program for raising guide dogs for the blind and it really makes me want to get involved but i dont have any previous experience with actually training dogs so yikes. then theres the genetics professor that i only recently befriended; hes such a great guy?? like he is so open with what hes thinking and it really feels like hes a college student even though hes 40 something omg. earlier today he was telling me not to forget the fact that i could potentially meet my future spouse in the next four years and to really just enjoy myself?? what a great guy tbh, i wish i had him as an actual professor ahhhh. and then also my envs professor, danny, who i got close to because he was always in chi’s office. being in his envs class has really changed my perspective on the word sustainability and the work in general and im really glad i know him on a somewhat personal level as well because the advice he gives and his opinion on things is always so honest. idk i've just met so many great people through her and i just. i'm so thankful 

finding out that she quit makes me so extremely broken hearted because i was going to stitch her something out of appreciation but like. she already vacated her office?? i have no way to contact her or show her how much i appropriate how much she's done for me and the entire bio floor in general. it just baffles me how people could dislike her. she has mentioned that she wants to do something nice for me since i'm basically bosworths owner and caretaker, but i'm really only doing that for fun!! having bosworth is such a plus on my mentality and happiness levels! she has done so much and i want to do something nice for her in return a HHH

i feel extremely bleh about the entire situation i'm really typing this just as a reminder to myself in the future that i met such an amazing person and i don't want to ever forget it. its also because i know for a fact that if i dont get it out, it’s going to overwhelm me and most likely prevent me from being able to function for a couple days. i'm just so thankful and i really want to remember how much she has done for me thank you so much for all you've done, i really could not have asked for a better mentor figure in my life.

#i get that im graduation this quarter and that i wouldnt be able to see her or gumbo next year anyways #but since its not the end of the quarter yet and she already gone just makes it really hard #i cannot even imagine what she's been though or what she'll go through in the future #im sure shes going to be able to do what she likes doing but i really hope its in a better enviornment where her actions are appriciated #im jsut so upset aH #dimsums demise