#Silent comedy history

[worldwithoutmiracles]

Unbelievable to me that Buster Keaton isn't already a tumblr sexyman

he's cute as hell

yes, that's buster, catching a lit cigarette. I don't want to know how many takes this took

3. literally nobody, NOBODY in the game has done it as well as buster. he is where bugs bunny gets all his style

he's an athlete. he's a stooge. he performed from the time he could walk. he's brilliant. he never breaks. he wins you over instantly. he dances like this:

seriously, go watch him bust a move. or this one, it's my favorite. all his shit is free, it's under an hour, it's incredible and none of it feels like eating your vegetables or forcing yourself to watch "film history"

he's just funny. he just "got" film comedy in a time when most directors were still trying to figure out how far out to put the camera.

#buster keaton #not related to michael keaton #or diane keaton #just since I know you were curious #silent film #is just classic gifs #film history #slapstick #physical comedy #when done by smart people #is just pure bubble joy

[fibula-rasa]

Lost, but Not Forgotten: What Price Beauty? (1925)

Direction: Thomas Buckingham

Scenario & Story: Natacha Rambova

Titles: Malcolm Stuart Boylan

Production Manager: S. George Ullman

Camera: J. D. Jennings

Art Direction: Natacha Rambova 

Production Design: William Cameron Menzies

Costume Design: Adrian

Studio: Circle Films (Production) & Pathé Exchange (Distribution)

Performers: Nita Naldi, Pierre Gendron, Virginia Pearson, Dolores Johnson, Myrna Loy, Sally Winters, La Supervia, Marilyn Newkirk, Victor Potel, Spike Rankin, Rosalind Byrne, Templar Saxe, Leo White Maybe: John Steppling, Paulette Duval, Dorothy Dwan, and Sally Long

Premiere: None, general release: January 22, 1928

Status: Presumed entirely lost.

Length: Variously reported as 5000 and 4000 feet (more commonly listed as 4000) or 5 reels

Synopsis (synthesized from magazine summaries of the plot):

Mary, a.k.a. “Miss Simplicity” (Dolores Johnson) is a starry-eyed, country-to-city transplant. She works at a beauty shop operated by a glamorous matron (Virginia Pearson) and owned by the young and handsome Clay (Pierre Gendron). 

Mary is in love with Clay, but doesn’t have the nerve or feminine wiles to woo him. The uber-sophisticated Rita (Nita Naldi), however, is chock full of nerves and wile. Rita’s fancy clothes and perfumes and advanced flirting skills leave Mary feeling destined to fail at winning Clay’s amorous attention. 

These feelings sublimate into an expressionistic dream for Mary, where she finds herself transformed into a sophisticate like Rita. Her boss is seen as a magnificent wizard, converting her clients into archetypes of glamour: exotic types, flappers, and sirens. Her competition, Rita, is seen as a bewitching spider.

In the end, surprising Mary, it turns out that her fresh-faced, unassuming charm is more appealing to Clay than Rita’s more practiced charm.

Additional sequence(s) featured in the film (but I’m not sure where they fit in the continuity):

Scene of the trials and tribulations of a fat woman trying to “reduce”

Points of Interest:

Only one quarter of Nita Naldi’s Hollywood films have survived (7 extant titles/21 lost or mostly lost titles).

——— ——— ———

What Price Beauty? was the first and only film produced under Natacha Rambova’s own company. Coordinating production for the film was the business manager for Rambova and her husband Rudolph Valentino, S. George Ullman. The couple met Ullman when he was working for Mineralava beauty products, the sponsor of their 1922-3 dancing tour. 

When Rudolph Valentino entered into a contract with United Artists, said contract reportedly stipulated that Valentino-Rambova were not a package deal. Therefore, Rambova could not collaborate with Valentino on his productions for United. Possibly as consolation, Ullman funded a production for Rambova while Valentino worked on The Eagle (1925, extant).

For Rambova, What Price Beauty? was meant to be a proving ground for her idea that an artistic film could be made on a modest budget. She also wished to remind people that she was a skilled artist in her own right.

In an interview in Picture Play Magazine from August 1925, Rambova asserts:

“…I do not want the production in any sense to be referred to as high-brow or ‘arty’. My reputation for being ‘arty’ is one of the things that I have to live down, and I hope by this picture, which is a comedy—even to the extent of gags and hokum—to overcome that idea. “A woman who marries a celebrity is bound to find herself in a more or less equivocal position, it seems, and her difficulties are only increased when she happens to have had some artistic ambitions of her own before her marriage. I am afraid that those who have accused me of meddling in my husband’s affairs forget that I enjoyed a certain reputation and a very good remuneration for my work as well before I became Mrs. Valentino.”

“What I desire personally is simply to be known for the work which I have always done, and that has brought me a reputation entirely independent of my marriage.”

There isn’t a vast amount of information on what exactly prevented WPB from gaining release in a timely fashion. If the film was truly nothing more than a ploy to separate Rambova from Valentino, that would be an absurd waste of time, money (~$80,000 in 1925 USD), and talent—Rambova employed soon-to-be famous designer Adrian for costumes and William Cameron Menzies for set decoration. Not to mention that, in front of the camera, Nita Naldi was still a popular star and the Rambova discovery, Myrna Loy, made her quickly hyped debut. 

When Pathé finally purchased WPB for distribution in 1928, they did very little to promote the film. Naldi had moved on from the film industry—as had Rambova. And, while Loy hadn’t become the huge star we know today by January of 1928, Warner Brothers had already given her top billing in a number of films. Pathé barely mentions Loy’s role in the little promotion they did do.

To put WPB’s release in the context of Rambova’s personal/professional biography (which you can read more about here):

June/July 1925 – WPB is completed, Rambova and Valentino separate (in July according to Rambova’s mother as quoted in Rambova’s book Rudy)

August 1925 – Rambova leaves Hollywood for New York City, reportedly to negotiate distribution for WPB. She and Valentino would see each other in person for the last time. Rambova leaves NYC for Europe.

September 1925 – Valentino draws up a new will disinheriting Rambova

November 1925 – Rambova returns to the US to act in a film, When Love Grows Cold (1926, presumed lost), a title which Rambova objected to

December 1925 – Rambova files for divorce

August 1926 – Valentino dies 

January 1928 – WPB is finally released with no fanfare by Pathé

In my research for my Rambova cosplay, the suspicious production/release history for this film stood out to me. I hoped that I might find some reliable evidence of whether WPB was a consolation prize and/or a scheme to keep Rambova and Valentino apart. Honestly and unfortunately, circumstantial evidence does support it!

After poring over what few contemporary sources cover WPB, there seemed to be no plan in place for distribution as the film was in production. United Artists, at whose lot the film was shot, claimed to have nothing to do with its release. Ullman had a news item placed about negotiating the distribution rights in the East. However, in Ullman’s own memoir, he admits that when he travelled to New York with Rambova, it was in a personal, not professional capacity—navigating the couple’s separation. (Ullman’s book contains many disprovable claims and misrepresentations, so anything cited from it should be taken with a grain of salt.) That said, Ullman’s failure to secure even a modest distribution deal for WPB in a reasonable timeframe speaks to how ill-founded Valentino’s and Rambova’s trust in his business acumen was.

WPB cost $80,000 to produce, which converts to $1.4 million in 2023 USD. While that wasn’t an outrageous budget for a Hollywood feature film at the time, especially one with such advanced production value, it’s certainly an absurd cost if the goal was only to separate a bankable star from his wife and collaborator.

A close friend and employee of Valentino and Rambova, Lou Mahoney, recalled in Michael Morris’ Madam Valentino:

“The picture was previewed at a theater on the east side of Pasadena, and Mahoney remembered the audience reaction as positive, but, thereafter, What Price Beauty? was consigned to oblivion. Mahoney knew why: ‘No help came from anyone, no thoughts of trying to get this picture properly released. No help came from Ullman, Schenck, or anybody else. Their whole thought was that if the picture were a success, Mrs. Valentino would be a success. She would then start producing under the Rudolph Valentino Production Company. But this nobody wanted—except herself, and Mr. Valentino.’”

——— ——— ———

The few reviews from 1928 that I was able to find are not very complimentary of WPB. The critics seem thrown by the film’s tone or genre—reading it as a drama. (Part of that is Pathé’s fault as they listed it as one.) But, according to sources contemporary to WPB’s production, it was intended to be a farcical satire of the beauty industry and social expectations of feminine beauty. Given the simple story, the intentional typage of characters (“The Sport,” “The Sissy,” and “Miss Simplicity”), and the over-the-top-but-on-a-budget art design of WPB, all signs point to high camp. In 1925 as well as 1928, the stodgier side of the critical spectrum would likely fail to see its appeal.

It’s a true shame we can’t find out for ourselves how good, bad, or campy WPB was as of yet, but here’s hoping the film resurfaces!

More about Rambova

GIFs of some of her design work on film

☕Appreciate my work? Buy me a coffee! ☕

Transcribed Sources & Annotations over on the WMM Blog!

#1920s #1925 #1928 #natacha rambova #nita naldi #cinema #silent cinema #american film #independent film #classic film #classic movies #film #silent film #silent movies #silent era #classic cinema #silent comedy #lost film #film history #history

[schlock-luster-video]

On May 22, 1925, Sherlock Jr. debuted in Germany.

#sherlock jr. #buster keaton #comedy movie #silent film #silent comedy #classic film #movie art #art #drawing #movie history #germany

[oldshowbiz]

Vincent Bryan was born in St. John's, Newfoundland. He was the first Newfoundlander to become big in the world of comedy.

#history of canadian comedy #silent comedy #silent film #newfoundland #charlie chaplin #fatty arbuckle #hollywood babylon #harold lloyd #max linder #sro #wilcox ave #kliph walking tour

[amrv-5]

Advertisement for Buster Keaton's The General (1926), in "The General," (United Artists Pressbook, 1926), leaf 24. From the Media History Digital Library.

#buster keaton #silent film #comedy #silent comedy #1920s cinema #media history #parker's silly little wizard job

[cinemajunkie70]

A very happy birthday to one of my heroes, Mel Brooks!

#mel brooks #high anxiety #the producers #young frankenstein #blazing saddles #the twelve chairs #spaceballs #life stinks #robin hood men in tights #dracula dead and loving it #history of the world part I #silent movie #the elephant man #the 2000 year old man #the fly #get smart #comedy #genius #to be or not to be

[chrisbungostudios]

Laurel and Hardy, The Little Rascals, Charlie Chaplin Silent Films. Filming Locations Then and Now. Go to https://ChrisBungoStudios.com

#filminglocations #thenandnow #nowandthen #charliechaplin #charleschaplin #chaplin #laurelandhardy #littlerascals #thelittlerascals #ourgang #history #losangeles #comedy

#filming location #filming locations #now and then #then and now #comedy #history #old movies #charlie chaplin #laurelandhardy #laurel and hardy #the little rascals #our gang #silent film #silent movies #silent cinema

[paulboyne]

Chaplin/Keaton Part VIII: The General (1926) and The Great Dictator (1940)

Somehow they went from slipping on banana peels to pondering what one man can do in the face of the ugly machinery of war. For Chaplin, as we’ve seen, this kind of snowballing ambition isn’t so surprising. He had been making movies that could be seen as not merely funny but important for nearly two decades by the time he made The Great Dictator. But for Keaton also, albeit from a very different…

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#Buster Keaton #Charles Chaplin #comedy #history #Movies #politics #silent #war

[denwritesandcries]

Work of Art – Hazel Callahan

Pairing: loser!hazel x artist!reader

Summary: You join a fight club just to spend more time with your pretty friend, Hazel Callahan. The fact that you're running out of time to finish an art project is just a detail.

Word count: 3,5k.

Content: loser!hazel trying to be smooth, sylvie being a chaotic ala, cursing, flirting, mutual pining, friends to lovers, my questionable comedy, a little blood at the start, reader is a SIMP.

Note: This came up to me after the ‘these girls are ugly’ scene and I had to make a dramatic story about it. I'm so soft for this character, I just wanna hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.

English is not my first language.

There's a sketchbook opened on your lap, a coal pencil on your hand and a fight happening in front of you.

Technically, that's what you were supposed to be doing too – fighting with someone – it was fight club, after all. Instead, you were sitting against a wall, hastily trying to finish a sketch for your art club project.

In your defense, you weren't even going to join this self-defense club in the first place, having been quite happy just occupying yourself with your art club after school, but your friend Sylvie came up to you one day completely excited about the idea, saying that she really wanted to participate, but that to keep going they needed more members and there enters you.

You said no right away, claiming that you would end up getting overwhelmed trying to balance both clubs with all the meetings, but Sylvie could be so convincing – more like insistent – with her methods, even shouting "PLEASE COME!" in a hallway full of people during classes, that you ended up giving in to when it became too embarrassing. Therefore, you agreed to go to a meeting without the promise of staying.

You regretted that decision and swore to burn Sylvie’s stupid beanie in the first punch that hitted you. You were terrible at fighting.

After being beaten up by a girl you didn't even know the name of, you ended up with a split lip and a bruise forming on your cheek and were ready to go find your friend and gently let her down by telling her that this really wasn't your thing, that is until Hazel Callahan approaches you.

Hazel. The same Hazel who sat three seats away from you in history class for four years, with whom you usually paired up during assignments but didn't talk much. The same Hazel who is standing in front of you with a weird smile and a washcloth in her hand.

“Uh…” you start, not quite sure what to say, “Do you need anything?”

"Oh!" She seems to realize that she's been silent and staring at you for too long, shaking her head, "No, not really, but you looked like you needed it," Hazel holds out the washcloth to you.

You notice that she's doing her best to look casual, shrugging her shoulders with fake indifference and pointing to your bleeding lip with the hand holding the cloth while the other is stuffed into the pocket of her baggy, ripped jeans. The sight is so captivating that it makes you smile even when you don’t want to, with the sudden feeling that you two should interact more.

“Oh, what a gentleman," you joke when you accept and take the cloth from her hand and are happy with the fact that the fabric is dark when your blood stains it, "You came to comfort me after spending all this time watching my ass being kicked?"

Her eyes widened in panic and Hazel squealed like an alarmed puppy, "No!" She exclaims, "I didn't mean that, really. It's just that you seemed upset and I–"

“Haze, it’s okay,” you interrupt and reassure her with a gentle hand on her arm, “I’m just messing with you.”

She shakes her head, still in denial, her face red: "But you weren't that bad."

You snort, any trace of upset seeming to leave your body, “But it was bad.”

Hazel looks away from you while playing with the rings on one of her hands, she seems to want to tell you something, so you wait in silence until she has the courage.

"So…" she starts, "Are you staying? At the club, I mean."

'No,' you want to say, 'This place is completely chaotic, I have other things I'd like to do and I bet I'll get my ass kicked every time I go up against someone here.' But Hazel is looking at you with her head cocked to the side and bright, hopeful blue eyes and what kind of monster would you be to deny something and wipe that look off her face?

“Maybe.” you answer instead, an uncertain smile on your face, “I’m still thinking about it.”

That seems to be enough to satisfy her and you quickly turn around, putting the bloodstained cloth inside your backpack and packing your things to leave when you realize that you two were the only ones left in the place.

"Walk with me?" You nod towards the exit for Hazel to follow you and she does so shyly.

As you walk around the school grounds your bodies are close enough that your shoulders touch as you walk and the interaction brings you a surprising amount of comfort.

"You know," Hazel starts again, her voice at a high pitch, she clears her throat with a fist against her mouth before continuing, "You don't have to if you don't want to, but uh–" Hazel stutters, face red again, "It would be really nice if you stayed.”

You turn your head to look at her side face, her nervous attitude warming your heart in a jarring way and you suddenly wonder why you and Hazel have never been closer before, even though you've technically known each other for so many years. It seemed almost unfair to be deprived of her company for so long.

“This fighting thing really isn’t for me,” you shrugged and continued before a look of disappointment could wash over her, “But I think people make it worth coming back for.”

You hoped she would notice the flirting tone in your words; Hazel could be terrible at reading between the lines.

"Oh, you're right!" She replied with an excited smile, "I managed to make a lot of friends there since it started, maybe you can too!”

You raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for Hazel to realize what she said just to tease her, and she did, panicking.

"I didn't mean that you don't have friends!" She shouted with a wave of her arms, "I just– I just–"

Hazel's calm facade falls completely and you feel a laugh grow in your chest as you laugh openly. She takes a moment to compose herself before relaxing a little when she sees that you're not bothered.

"Okay, got it." you say with a final giggle, "Don't worry, I'll show up since it would be so nice if I stayed."

Sure, she may not have understood your flirting the first time, but her red face up to her ears and shy gaze stuck on the floor could only be an indication that she had now caught on.

When you reach the point where your paths part, you can't resist talking to Hazel one last time:

"Haze," You call in a relaxed tone as she heads to her car, "Is that really a women's empowerment club?"

Hazel smiles as she opens the door, without any nervousness this time, "I have no idea, but I like it."

You think you might like it too if you were going to see her like this more often.

When you get home that day, with your untouched art supplies weighing down your backpack, there's a message on your phone left from Sylvie. That little bastard had left without you even noticing.

slaygirl:

hey what u throught about the club

*thouth

sHIT

*thought

runned right home when I saw your mad face lol

You snorted with a roll of eyes. You had already made the decision anyway, there was no point in actually being mad at her.

you:

well I guess is not THAT bad

I'll make the sacrifice and participate

slaygirl:

HELL YEAH LET'S GOOO

told u would like it

You ask yourself one last time if you should really do this or not; the times between the fight club and art club meetings were so close together, it could easily turn into a mess. Then you think about Hazel and the way she seemed enchanted by the idea of you being there.

Fuck it, you thought, you can handle both.

You couldn't handle both. That was why you found yourself against that wall now, running out of time and without the proper sketches you were supposed to present later.

It was a relatively simple exercise that you had to do: draw everyday landscapes in charcoal pencil by sight. The problem is that you didn't have time to draw the requested amount and you haven't had much inspiration other than classrooms and parts of the school lately.

Luckily, no one really minded when you decided to opt to just be a spectator today; PJ and Josie being too busy flirting with Brittany and Isabel and Sylvie being just excited about getting into a fight with someone.

"And what are you doing there?" Hazel's voice scares you as she sits down next to you with a curious look and a small smile at the sound of your surprised squeak.

You had no idea where she had come from, having quickly talked to her as soon as you arrived and then gone straight to your task, but you were very happy to have her there now. You've been getting closer over the last few weeks since joining the club, just as you wanted, which has made all of your juggling between tasks totally worth it.

"Shouldn't you be beating up someone?" You dodged the question, giving her a look of fake reprimand.

She scoffed with a hand gesture, "I'll be right there, I just passed by to check on you," She pointed with her chin to the notebook with you, "So?”

You shrug, "Just trying to finish this project, but nothing seems to make me want to draw." You turn the sketchbook so Hazel can see the simple outline of the open area in which you practice defense, your hands are stained with coal pencil and the sheet is messy with outlines of bodies overlapping the paper.

For the confused look on her face and the slight tilt of her head, you can tell Hazel doesn't quite understand what you mean, but she gives you a reassuring smile anyway.

"You're talented, I'm sure you'll figure that out soon."

You feel a stupid smile growing on your face and you can't help the way your voice softens, "Thanks, Haze."

She returns your smile for a moment, but quickly looks away, seeming to want to break off the interaction.

Hazel breaks the silence that suddenly settles in: “Will you teach me?”, she asks.

You look at her confused, “What? Drawing?”

“Hm-hm,” She nods with a pout, “I always see you drawing during class and I'm terrible at it.”

You find her extremely captivating.

“Okay,” you snort, “I’ll give you drawing lessons if you give me fighting lessons. You’re better at this than me, than everyone here, actually.”

And then she gets nervous again, cheeks colored a soft red, stammering, “Oh– I– hm, alright.”

You think maybe she's going to say something more, but Hazel gets up and shakes her head like a puppy and your heart warms, before saying goodbye, giving you an awkward pat on the shoulder and running off to find a partner for the day's exercises.

A sigh leaves your chest as your gaze follows her as she walks, deciding to watch a little until you get the courage to finish your work.

Hazel is paired with a girl you had never spoken to but who you were sure was in your English class. A very pretty girl, by the way. It annoyed you how close they were and the way Hazel touched the girl so she could fix her position before they started fighting, the same way she did to you when you asked for help with your movements the other day; and it annoyed you even more the way the girl seemed to lean into her touch, exactly like you did on the few occasions when Hazel touched you for more than a few seconds.

Damn, you wish you knew the girl's name so you could actually get mad.

Your stomach turned uncomfortably the more you watched the duo, didn't that girl know that Hazel is... what? Your girlfriend? Your friend who you flirt with? This was practically the same as nothing. You had nothing. You couldn't be mad.

But man, you are annoyed.

With a shake of your head, you look away from the scene and open your sketchbook again, this time to a clean page. Better get back to work.

When you look up again, Hazel has the girl trapped in her arms. The way her best features are marked is unfairly hot, your silly jealousy ends up forgotten in favor of admiring how beautiful she is.

Unconsciously, you begin to trace the outline of her strong jaw onto the paper, letting the simple body outline you had begun take shape.

To you, Hazel was a work of art in every sense of the word, from her appearance to her most unusual mannerisms. Everything about her seemed to scream art and drawing her was an extremely satisfying action. It wasn't even the first time you had portrayed her, having made small sketches during the times you worked together in class and given them all to her – you wish you had kept at least one now –, maybe that's why she asked you for lessons anyway.

Either way, anything involving Hazel is more interesting than your original project.

You notice the way her hair falls over her face, the dark color contrasting with her big blue eyes, and you think it's a shame you didn't bring any supplies you could use to color them. There is a small cut where a yellowish bruise is on her cheek; Hazel seemed to always be recovering from some injury, even though she was the one who won most of the fights, not that you would count – liar, you did.

You draw the outline of her nose and lips with the practiced precision of someone who has done this many times before; she's wearing a dark green button-down shirt, one of your favorites on her, along with baggy black jeans and an old pair of vans; her hands are missing their usual rings and there are little green dinosaurs in her socks.

You won't add all of it, of course, it's not a full body drawing, but you can't help but notice every little detail about her.

Time passes without you noticing, your project remains completely forgotten while you draw Hazel from memory, no longer needing to turn to the annoying vision of her and the other girl. When the meeting is almost finished, Sylvie approaches you smiling and looks over your shoulder.

"Dude!" She exclaims in a knowing tone, “So that’s why you actually agreed to join the club!”

“Shh girl, do you want everyone here to know!?” You whisper-shouting and quickly pull the beanie she was wearing over her nose tightly, ignoring the chocked ‘fucking rude’ that Sylvie lets out.

“You should tell her,” Sylvie declares, because of course she would understand right away that you have a crush.

“What?" You ask, alarmed, “Like right now?”

"Yeah!" She pushes your shoulder in encouragement, “The day is almost over, it’s not like we have anything else to do anyway.” Sylvie shrugged, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

“I can’t just go there and tell.” You mumble, “And I have things to do.”

“Oh, come on! I’m sure she likes you back!”

“And how can you know that?” You asked.

“How come you don’t know that?” Sylvie replied, “It’s kinda obvious.”

“Okay, whatever you say, but I’m not going to tell her anything now.” You insist stubbornly.

Sylvie looks like she's about to say something else, but a tricksy smile forms on her face when she sees someone approaching.

"Tell what?" Hazel's voice coming from nearby startles you and when you turn your face to find her, she's alone, no sign of the other girl in sight.

You were about to stutter something in response – and most likely make a fool of yourself – but Sylvie was quicker.

“Oh!” Your friend exclaims in false innocence, “I was trying to convince her to show you her drawing, but she’s such a perfectionist.”

You elbow her in panic and Sylvie lightly tugs at your hair as she stands up; you don't notice the dirty look Hazel gives to the interaction, wringing her hands in her pockets.

Sylvie walks away arching her eyebrows in a suggestive expression at you and your cheeks burn at the implication as Hazel takes her place beside you.

“So…” she begins, her voice strangely tense, “Did you finish what you were drawing? Can I see it?"

“Well…” You feel nervous, there’s no way to get out of this without making her sad and that’s the last thing you would want to do. Taking a deep breath, you decide to go ahead: “Inspiration came to and I drew something, but it’s not for my project, I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

"Yes, I will!" Hazel adjusts herself excitedly, your knees touching, “Can I see it?” she repeats.

You gulp and nod, turning the sketchbook towards her. Hazel lens even closer to you to see the result, her chin brushing your shoulder and a hand running up your back and resting there, surprising you, you feel the coldness of her hand and the outline of her rings – when she did put them back? – through the fabric of your t-shirt.

You feel the moment Hazel registers the drawing on the sheet and her breath hitches, the action sending a shiver up your spine.

"Then?" You ask nervously, “What do you think?”

But Hazel remains silent. When you turn to look at her, her jaw is dropped in complete disbelief and a deep blush covers her face from her cheeks to her ears.

“Haze?” You call, unsure.

“That’s– it’s beautiful.” She stutters, one hand delicately touches the paper, coal staining her fingers, “It’s me. It’s me… beautiful.”

“You are beautiful,” you correct without hesitation and Hazel’s gaze turns to you, “That’s nothing compared to you.”

She hesitates for a moment, “Why did you do that?”

"Why?" You echo, “You know why.”

And Hazel knows. You know she knows. There hasn't been a single day that the two of you haven't flirted, that there hasn't been this tension between you. There's no way she doesn't know, but someone needs to admit it.

She looks at you expectantly, the same lovely hope as before is back in her eyes, and again, who are you to take that look off her face?

You sigh, “I have a crush on you, Haze.”

She snorts, voice shaking in a confident attempt of a joke: “I know.”

You raise an eyebrow and give her an unimpressed look and Hazel immediately backtracks.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She exclaims, “I just– I like you too, a lot.”

You feel a smile tugging at your lips when you put the notebook and pencil aside to look at her fully and your faces are so close that you would only have to lean in for your lips to touch. God, you've never wanted something so much before.

You notice every little detail of her face; a fallen eyelash on her cheek, the faint marks of dark circles over her eyes, freckles over her nose that you had never gotten close enough before to see.

Hazel looks at you like she can't believe what's happening and honestly, neither can you.

“Please,” she whispers, eyes locked on your lips.

Hazel Callahan was the most beautiful work of art you had ever seen and as an artist, you know you should never touch artworks, but Hazel asks you and you could never deny her anything.

Your lips meet and it's softer than you thought it could be – even though you've thought about it many times then – and your hands rest on her cheeks like they belong there, she lets out a sigh of contentment that warms your heart.

When you pull away, there's a coal stain on Hazel's face from where your hand was before and her pupils are dilated like dark pits, it's unfair the way it makes your heart skip a beat.

She kisses you again, shorter this time and you would have chased her lips if it weren't for someone's voice scaring you:

“ATTA GIRL, I TOLD YOU YOU COULD DO IT!” Sylvie is on the other side of the gym, cheering and pointing at you.

You had completely forgotten that the meeting wasn't over yet.

“Dude,” PJ starts on the other side, “When did this happend?”

“You know this is a public space right?” Josie asks with a hand on her hip, “Don’t make out here, man.”

You shake your head in amusement and start to gather your things, “Okay, okay,” you say, “Let’s make out somewhere else then, come on Haze.”

Hazel seems too flustreaded to speak and doesn't argue as you take her hand and pull her along as you leave to the sounds of your friends cheering and joking.

“Where are we going?” She asks, you’re still holding hands.

You shrug innocently, “I promised you drawing lessons, didn’t I?”

In the end you don't show up at the art club that day, too busy spending time with your newest girlfriend and it's totally worth it.

#hazel callahan #bottoms movie #bottoms 2023 #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan x you #hazel callahan imagine #denwrites

[bitchiswild]

Secret Spouses

Jang Wonyoung x F! reader

Warnings: Non, Fluff

Word Count: 1.5k

A/n:Another wonyoung fluff!

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

"Miss Y/Ln! You won't believe what Miss Jang just said!" The door burst open, and one of my students came charging in, clearly bursting with news from our neighboring teacher.

"Oh boy, what's she up to now?" I chuckled, already bracing myself for another round of Miss Jang's antics. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"She's all about getting a golden retriever, just like you!" The student blurted out, barely containing their excitement.

My eyes widened in disbelief. Without a second thought, I hopped up and made a beeline for the door. Facing Miss Jang's room right across the hall, I couldn't resist the opportunity.

"Hey, Wonyoung! Quit copying me! I've been wanting a golden retriever way longer than you!" I yelled, shaking my fist in mock protest.

"Ha! You wish! I've had that idea way before you, Y/n!" Miss Jang shot back, crossing her arms in playful defiance.

Our students were eating this up. Our back-and-forth had become a daily spectacle, like a mini comedy show for them. They'd giggle and watch as we playfully argued, knowing it was all in good fun.

"No, I'm sick and tired of you copying me, so stop it," I grumbled, frustration evident as I shut the door firmly. Turning to my students, I exaggeratedly sighed, "Goodness gracious, this lady is making me lose my mind!" Their laughter filled the room, lightening the tension.

Resuming my seat at the desk, I focused on preparing for the upcoming lesson. But before I could get too engrossed, my door swung open abruptly, revealing Wonyoung standing there, her eyebrow raised in a mix of annoyance and curiosity.

"I do not appreciate you slamming the door in my face," she said, arms folded, clearly miffed.

"I didn't slam the door in your face. You were in your classroom. Slamming the door in your face would mean you were where my door is," I retorted, a hint of exasperation in my voice, accompanied by an eye roll.

"Potato, potahto," she replied, her tone nonchalant.

"Go teach your class, Wonyoung," I said, a note of dismissal in my voice, accompanied by a disapproving click of my tongue.

"Fine, but this isn't over," she huffed, shooting me a pointed look, and then briskly walked back to her classroom, leaving a lingering sense of playful tension in the air.

"You and Miss Jang are perfect for each other," one of my students giggled, setting off a chain reaction of laughter among the others.

"I mean, they do say opposites attract," chimed in another student, adding to the playful banter.

Before I knew it, the entire class was caught up in a frenzy of creating a ship name and discussing the imaginary relationship between Miss Jang and me. Their excitement filled the room with chatter and giggles.

"Class, settle down, please," I interjected, trying to regain their attention amid the buzz of gossip. I couldn't help but chuckle at their antics. "Stop shipping us together. She's sooo annoying," I playfully rolled my eyes, hoping to steer the conversation back to the lesson.

"Just saying, Miss Y/Ln, you two would be soooo cute together," another one of my students teased, a mischievous glint in their eye.

"I'll leave that to your vivid imaginations," I replied with a playful grin, hoping to redirect their attention. "Okay, today we're diving into world history."

As the class came to an end, I swung the door open and found Wonyoung doing the same, her students trailing behind her. We shared a knowing wink, a silent acknowledgment of the ongoing friendly rivalry.

"Hey kids, how was class? Isn't Miss Y/Ln super boring?" Wonyoung playfully teased, pretending to snore, earning a few giggles from her students.

"Hey! You're the boring one! You teach math! Who likes math?" I retorted with a mock scowl, eliciting a chorus of "Yeah!" and nods of agreement from my own students.

Our banter continued, the age-old debate between subjects sparking a playful exchange between us, much to the amusement of our respective classes.

"Math is fun! I don't know what you're talking about," Wonyoung declared, sticking her tongue out at me with a playful smirk.

My jaw dropped in mock astonishment. "Do not stick your tongue out at me! Are you a child?" I feigned offense, raising an eyebrow in playful exaggeration.

Wonyoung's response was a soft murmur and averted gaze. "No," she murmured, suppressing a smile.

Laughter erupted from the students around us. "She got you, Miss Jang!" one of the students teased, reveling in the light-hearted banter between the teachers.

"Alright, kids, go grab some lunch. I'll catch you around campus, and remember, if you need anything, my door's always open for you," I said, bidding my students farewell with a warm smile.

"Same goes for me too, kids!" Wonyoung chimed in after me, a playful sparkle in her eyes as she glanced teasingly in my direction, maintaining the playful rivalry without betraying our secret.

Wonyoung and I shared a hidden secret—behind the playful banter, we were actually married. Our students were completely unaware, thinking our ongoing rivalry was all in good fun. It added a layer of amusement to our daily interactions, knowing that our private life was our own little secret, tucked away from their curious eyes.

As the last of our students left the room, Wonyoung and I exchanged affectionate glances. She walked over to me, gently guiding me into my empty classroom before shutting the door. Pulling me into a warm embrace, she planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"How's your day been, love?" she whispered softly, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear, her eyes filled with tenderness.

"It's been wonderful. The kids have quite the imagination; they ship us together," I chuckled, feeling the warmth of our shared secret. "And yours? How's your day been?"

"They have good taste, pairing the right people together and my day has been going well," Wonyoung chuckled, a playful glint in her eyes.

"The day we reveal the truth to them, their minds will be blown," I replied with a chuckle, relishing in the shared secrecy of our relationship, hidden behind the façade of our playful rivalry.

"Well, I better go before we blow our cover. I love you," Wonyoung said, giving me another tender peck before heading off.

"I love you too," I replied, watching her walk to her classroom, where she settled in to eat her lunch. I followed suit, taking out my own lunch and reflecting on the hidden joy of our shared secret.

"Miss Y/Ln! We've finally decided on your and Miss Jang's ship name!" A group of my students burst in with palpable excitement. I stared at them in disbelief. "Wait, you guys still ship me with Miss Jang even after all our banter?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, like we said before, opposites attract!" they chimed in, their enthusiasm unwavering. A chorus of agreement came from the other students, nodding in agreement with their friends.

"Alright, hit me with the name," I sighed, giving in to their excitement.

"(Potential ship name), how about that? It's perfect!" They squealed with delight at their chosen name.

I chuckled in amusement. "That's quite something. Make sure to tell Miss Jang about it; she'd probably get a kick out of this!"

"Okay, let's go now before lunch is over!" They dashed off excitedly toward Miss Jang's room. As they hurried away, I noticed a few pairs of eyes glancing at me, widening with surprise before breaking into laughter at the students' enthusiastic antics with the ship name.

As lunchtime came to an end, the rumor mill had spun our ship name throughout the school. Middle school students, known for their liveliness, were quick to create pairings. In both my 5th-period class and Miss Jang's, conversations buzzed about how Wonyoung and I would make a cute couple.

Even a week later, the chatter persisted. Wonyoung and I decided to reveal the truth during an assembly dedicated to us, with the principal in on the plan. Standing side by side with microphones in hand, we prepared to disclose our secret.

"Hi, everyone. As you've been shipping us together, calling us a cute couple, and believing that 'opposites attract,' we—" I began, but Wonyoung interjected excitedly, "We're actually married, everyone!" She chuckled, playfully stealing the thunder.

Amidst the commotion, the students reacted intensely—some screamed in shock, while others shed tears, claiming that their "parents" were together, whatever that meant.

"Yes, Miss Jang and I are together. Here are our wedding photos if you're suspicious, but you guys are right; we do make a cute couple," I teased the students, reveling in their surprised and joyful reactions. They cheered, as if discovering our marriage was a dream come true.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! The students started to chant, their enthusiasm contagious. Wonyoung and I chuckled, feeling a bit bashful, but we couldn't resist fulfilling their request. As we kissed, Wonyoung playfully exaggerated, dipping me dramatically, and the kids erupted in cheer. We pulled away, laughing at their playful antics.

Then, Wonyoung grabbed the mic once more, excitement evident in her voice. "Guess what! We have an announcement to make. We're going to be parents!" Her announcement sent a wave of excitement through the students, and they erupted into another round of cheering.

Amidst the joyous chaos, we couldn't help but share in the infectious energy of our students. Being teachers brought us immense joy, and moments like these made it all worthwhile.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

#bitchiswild #BIW.WRITES #ive x reader #fluff #ive imagines #ive wonyoung #jang wonyoung x female reader #jang wonyoung x reader #jang wonyoung #wonyoung #wonyoung x reader #wonyoung fluff

[starseungs]

take a shot. ksm. (teaser)

kim seungmin x fem!reader — it really shouldn't take a genius to figure out that you and your co-star didn't get along. you knew kim seungmin. you knew how life functioned despite the cameras. and you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

genre/s — drama, angst, fluff, a sprinkle of comedy, actors au, rivals to lovers • teaser: 1.2k words (actual fic: around 10k or more)

warning/s — profanity, main characters aren't on the best terms, implied death taken lightly, more warnings will be added on actual release if necessary.

note — enjoy the product of me and @starlostseungmin's active imagination over chanel seungmin.... how does one look THAT good? 😖💘 : the full fic is out !!

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

“I’m sorry, what?”

The car remained silent despite your words of confusion. You felt as though your world had come to an extreme halt, giving you a whiplash as the buzz of the road outside continued to pierce through your ears. There was nothing else to keep your mind away from the absolute bomb of news that was just given to you; your manager had turned it down before uttering the horrid sentence that brought your untimely demise.

The car may have kept on with its task of moving forward—but you were stuck frozen in place.

“You’re joking.”

Your world fell on seemingly deaf ears. The man up front, steering the wheel, rendered himself mute to your growing distress, finding the busy traffic of city life interesting enough to keep his eyes glued. But the urban chaos didn’t distract you one bit from brewing a storm of gunpowder inside your throat.

And just like that, a ghost of a click was heard.

“No—please tell me you’re joking,” you voiced out, tone betraying your attempts at keeping things respectful. It soon came to your attention that the effort was of no use, as your manager still chose to keep his peace. “Changbin!”

The car swiveled a bit off-lane for a second before returning to its correct course. Normally, such an abrupt action by a vehicle would concern you, as you would argue that you were still much too young to suffer at the hands of a road accident, but no such thoughts even made their way into your brain. Just like how time had stopped for you, there was no time for debating over survival either. One life or death situation was already enough for you.

You wanted answers, and you were going to get them.

Changbin exhaled audibly from the scare he just put both of you through. His hands shook with a slight tremor, and that was all it took for him to decide that pulling over to the nearest parking area was for the best.

“Don’t yell in the car like that!” You scoffed at his scolding, finding the whole situation ironic.

“Oh, so you can do it all the time, but I can’t?” You shot back. Changbin sighed tiredly, finally registering the extent of your agitation. "Plus, I have a perfectly good reason why I’m yelling!”

“Listen, Y/N, it’s really not that bad—”

“Yes, it is that bad!” The words spill out of your mouth in utter disbelief at his attempts at assurance. “I’m working with Kim Seungmin, of all people!”

“And that’s why it’d be fine!” Changbin argued, running a hand through his already tousled hair. You blinked at his reply, baffled by the sheer implication.

“—How?”

Changbin clicked his tongue at the question, finding it hard to digest just why you were so against working with the mentioned actor. With the mere sound of that actor’s name spat out of your mouth, one would think that he had somehow managed to offend your entire bloodline. But that kind of bitterness could only be achieved through a sour history, so you really couldn’t empathize with your manager’s mindset either.

Even you knew that this movie would be enormously successful from the director alone. Director Han Jisung’s influence and presence in the industry were not a laughing matter—in fact, you should already be trembling in anxiety just knowing that you snagged probably the biggest role you’d ever get in your whole career. He was only around the same age as you, but the winding list of his achievements was already one for the records. And yet, here you were rethinking your contract with him even before the project started.

Just because of who you were going to be acting alongside with.

“Seungmin is a nice person,” Changbin explained gently, like he was coaxing a child, intentionally ignoring the way your face scrunched up at what he said. “I did my research, ok? Everyone only has high praises for him, both on and off set. Isn’t that enough to be trusted?”

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from digging a deeper hole to lie in. The answer was no—it wasn’t enough to be trusted. Now, at this point, someone would’ve had half the mind to ask why you were so sure about your vendetta against the man. If a person was so well loved in a world where cameras were pointed at them in every waking minute, then shouldn’t all the dirt be found by now, if there was any?

To that, your answer would be yet another no.

Because you knew Kim Seungmin. You knew how life functioned despite the cameras. And you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

“Turn the car around.”

Changbin’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at your demand. Surely, he had heard you now. You crossed your arms and leaned back to rest comfortably on the carseat, turning your head to face the window and glare at the world outside, continuing on with their lives like a well-followed routine.

“Y/N, this is a big opportunity—”

“I said, turn the car around. I’m not attending this cursed table reading,” you pinched the bridge of your nose to keep the incoming migraine at bay.

“You really think I’ll willingly step into a room with the devil’s incarnate? I’d rather get shot—”

“—sensing a great shot!”

Director Han Jisung nodded positively at your performance, satisfied with your initial portrayal of the female lead.

“If we keep going like this, then I’m expecting this project to be a big hit. The casting team really did their pay’s worth on this one,” the young director hummed. “Especially you, Actor Kim Seungmin. I don’t know how they managed to get through your company's walls, but I’m glad they did. You’re perfect for the role!”

You felt your eye twitch as the figure bearing the name appeared within your vision. His mouth curled up into an arrogant smirk, hastily covered up by a bashful smile. You cringed at his actions that only you seemed to see. Why was this prick acting all humble?

“Ah, I always wanted to act in one of your films, Director Han. This is more of an amazing opportunity for me than you, honestly.”

That smoothed honey voice wrapped itself around the room’s premise, charming everyone around like it was coming from an alluring siren. All except you.

Your mouth filled with a coating of spite as his next sentence echoed through your ears. His eyes locked you in as a target, a wordless challenge shooting straight at your own.

“Plus, seeing who my co-star is, I’m quite thrilled to see the end product,” Seungmin grinned with a manic glint.

Fuck. You should’ve turned that damned car around yourself.

mastertag 🔖— send in an ask if you want to be added ! 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @djeniryuu @lixxpix

#starseungs-basement #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz #skz x reader #stray kids #stray kids x reader #kim seungmin imagines #seungmin imagines #kim seungmin #seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #seungmin x reader #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #kim seungmin fanfic #seungmin fanfic #skz angst #stray kids angst #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #seungmin angst #seungmin fluff #stray kids fanfiction #seungmin fanfiction #skz fanfiction

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Toshia Mori (The Bitter Tea of General Yen, Blondie Johnson)—i think Toshia Mori is a great example of someone who clearly had the makings and charisma of a star & who its easy to imagine thriving in a less white supremacist system than 20s and 30s hollywood. she began acting in silent movies in the late 20s, and in 1932 was selected as a "WAMPAS Baby Star" which was an annual promotion of promising up-and-coming young actresses by the Western Association of Motion Picture Advertisers, becoming the first Asian woman to do so. previous baby stars included Clara Bow, Joan Crawford, and Joan Blondell, and another 1932 honoree was Ginger Rogers. this likely led to her most sizeable role in The Bitter Tea of General Yen (unfortunately a movie with a lot of orientalism going on and white actors in yellowface). she was well received but the studio seemed to lose interest in her career and she largely continued to get bit parts; her last appearance was in a Charlie Chan movie in 1937. she deserved better!!

Veronica Lake (I Married a Witch, Sullivan's Travels)—her look is so iconic they used her as a visual model for jessica rabbit in who framed roger rabbit and a bunch of other femme fatale types in cartoons and live action alike. i didnt think i liked women and then i saw her in sullivans travels and said gee i hope this doesnt awaken anything in me! every role ive seen her in she absolutely oozes an aura of "i know people would ask me to step on them" and her EYES bro every photo ive looked at for this submission its like shes piercing thru time and space to judge me <3

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Toshia Mori:

Veronica Lake:

Her HAIR, her FIGURE, her VOICE, the way she wore LEATHER AND SANG SONGS FOR NO REASON.

I don't believe there's a person on earth who can watch Veronica Lake in I Married A Witch and not be struck by how gorgeous she is. She had that youthful wonder about her that almost every Hollywood starlet was trying to achieve. Her hairstyle (peekaboo bangs) became an iconic Hollywood style after she popularized it, and made her signature look all the more suggestive. Also, witches are tumblrs favorite!

ICONIC hair sweep

The US government literally begged her to change her hairstyle because it was TOO HOT to handle and women who copied it were getting their hair caught in machinery

Her hairstyle was so iconic and popular that the war department had to come out with a PSA instructing lady ironworkers with ways they could pin their hair up to avoid it getting bound in machinery. [https://veteranlife.com/military-history/veronica-lake/]

She played a lot of femme fatale roles but my favorite is Sullivan’s Travels opposite Joel McRea, which is a comedy. She became famous for her hair style at the time—she wore it long and parted on one side so it would fall over half her face in a very sexy way. They called it a peek-a-boo I think. You’ve definitely seen Bugs Bunny dressed up like her, so I think if she’s being honored in such a way she’s very cool.

look at her

she's GORGEOUS in her little witch outfits that she wore for promos and also in the oversized coats and pajamas she wore throughout the movie...she's got RANGE

My Grandpa supposedly dated her in high school, he drove her to school in his car every day. This is legend in the family.

She has gorgeous hair, has got the smouldering look over the shoulder down PAT, and is just drop-dead gorgeous too!

Schizophrenic icon, popularized the peekaboo hairdo long before Jessica Rabbit

She’s just so prettyyyyy

So much hot in such a tiny package. She was no more than 5 feet tall, and some reports claim as small as 4'9"

If you picture a femme fatale in your head, almost certainly Veronica Lake had a hand in shaping the image you think of. She came to embody the look of the noir leading lady as well as the sound and the performance. Certified Noir Baddie.

#veronica lake #toshia mori #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 4

[nobodylikety]

Capy-what? ₍ᐢ•(ܫ)•ᐢ₎

I found the idea of @incherryblossoms about capybara hybrid! reader x hybrid! New Jeans very interesting! so here it is!

I did some research on capybaras (which by the way was very interesting, since one of my favorite things when I make a hybrid! character is researching the animal and its characteristics), so I hope you like it <3

tags: Hybrid! New Jeans x Capybara hybrid! Reader, College AU, comedy??, fluff.

summary: New Jeans sets out to find out why capybaras recently been a sensation among people, social media and the animal kingdom, by meeting one for the first time!

Seoul National Hybrid University (SNHU) has university houses close to campus for its students. One of said houses is occupied by Hanni, Danielle, Minji, Haerin and Hyein —although Hyein is only doing Pre-university, before officially joining as soon as she sends her exam results and final averages.—

In this way, only five rooms of the six in the house are really occupied, because the one that is free, the girls use it as a kind of storage-room.

So it's an empty room.

That is, until Haerin opens the door, ready to throw another piece of junk inside, a cat toy that she broke because she doesn't know how to keep her claws still, and she finds that there is a damn capybara snoring in the bed, which until this morning, it was empty.

The creature lies on its side on the blankets like a deformed dog, and even lets out a snort in its sleep.

If she had her way, history would say that she remained calm and collected; that she silently took out her phone and sent a text message to the group chat, and she would simply leave the storage-room and return to her room. In the morning, she would brainstorm with Hanni, Danielle, Minji, and Hyein about what the hell she had seen, and she would go on her merry way and simply no one would do more about it. Because, a capybara in the damn room? Seriously? The largest rodent in the world, and also quite docile. Nothing to be scared about.

But history will tell otherwise, because instead of calming down, Haerin is screeching and meowing. And upon noticing her, she immediately covers her mouth with her hand, but the damage has already been done. The capybara wakes up with a screech and lets out some warning barks.

All the noise in the storage-room, that is, the barking of the capybara, as well as Haerin's desperate feline meows and screeches, are so loud, there is no way that the rest of the girls cannot notice that something, whatever that is, it's happening.

"No no no. Shut the fuck up. You can't bark at me, you big rat," Haerin hisses, trying to be dominant, in order to defend herself from the big rodent that stands on top of the bed and glares at her. But she's just a scared kitten who plays the tough role, and doesn't do it very well.

“HAERIN ARE YOU OK? YOU ARE DYING? I'M ON MY WAY!" Danielle, loud and hyperactive as she is, is the first to come to the grumpy hybrid cat's rescue.

The puppy peeks out from behind Haerin, whose tail and ears are perking up, to bump into the barking capybara on the bed.

“Is that a radioactive rat?” she asks, tail wagging gently.

“How am I supposed to know, you stinky puppy? I opened the fucking door and it was there!”

For a moment the capybara on the bed takes a backseat, while Danielle and Haerin fight like a cat and dog, trying to decide if what is on the bed is a deformed, obese dog or a giant radioactive rat.

“I'm a capybara, actually?” You interrupt their discussion gently, after resuming your human form. The little ears are still poking out of your head, half hidden by the brown hair, as is the tail, where...well, where the tails go.

Haerin and Danielle look at you, in a mix of caution and silly surprise. They look meticulously at the room, detailing that there are some half-open boxes.

“Hi” you greet, smiling slightly and holding out your hand.

What are you doing in that room? In the storage- room? What if you're a sociopath who took over the room and is going to kill them all? In Haerin's head, all the panic alerts are on.

Not Danielle's.

Haerin will never understand what kind of gears move a dog's brain; she swears Danielle has sawdust in her head.

"And you are…?" Haerin inquires, with a knot in her stomach. She ignores the outstretched hand, even after Danielle does accept it.

“Oh, sorry. I'm your new roommate, I just moved in this morning. Didn't they give you notification? They were supposed to send it to your mailbox…”

Ah yes, the mailbox. Danielle hates the mailman. She probably ran around him, and in the process she missed the envelope that contained the notification inside it.

“Uh, uh, no. I'm sorry," Haerin feels less tense knowing that at least you're not a sociopath who's going to kill them. “So, you were the sleeping capybara?”

You nod your head.

“I was just supposed to take a nap and then wake up to say hello, but…” you wave your hand, smiling slightly embarrassed, cheeks rosy. “Things didn't go according to plan.”

"Don't worry! You just scared Haerin to death, but she's over it," Danielle comforts you, whose tail wags so enthusiastically that it looks like the propellers of a helicopter, while she animatedly pats Haerin's shoulders. She hisses back at her.

But before you can answer, the rest of the inhabitants of the house heads to the room-no longer-cellar, due to Danielle's lack of return after saying that she would go to 'save Haerin'. A hybrid bear towers over the others, while floppy bunny ears appear among the group, along with a bushy fox tail.

Minji, Hanni and Hyein, respectively, as introduced to you by Danielle.

“So it's because of you that Haerin screamed as if someone had eaten her cans of tuna,” Minji comments, covering her mouth, half yawning, half laughing. She is disheveled, as if she just woke up from a nap.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare her, or you”

“L-let's just hope t-the screams don't happen again.” Hanni lets out a shy giggle, then adjusts her floppy ears. She seems to be sensitive to noise, and she is softer and gentler than the others.

“With Haerin in this house, it's kind of difficult,” Danielle responds, panting with her tongue out to cool herself. Having her tail wag so vigorously must have tired her out. “But maybe you'll give us some peace,” she says, looking in your direction.

"What are you saying? Me?"

“You're a capy-something, aren't you?” Hyein, the youngest of them all, asks with genuine interest. Her bushy tail dances behind hers, with the elegance that Danielle's tail does not have, even though they share some kinship relationship as they belong to the same Canidae family.

“Capybara, yeah”

“They say that capybaras are very popular. People love them, they are like… super sociable, calm and very adorable” Hanni has done her research on it, a fact that makes her blush hard, realizing that it is as if she had done some research on you. Or more precisely, as if she had deliberately commented on that, because you are there.

"That's why I say it! Maybe if she's here, she'll make us get along better. Finally someone will be able to exorcise the demon that Haerin has inside!” The nonsense that Danielle constantly says makes you unable not to smile. You can still hold back a little the laughter, but you have the feeling that the more you live with her, the less you will be able to stop yourself from laughing.

Minji yawns again, slumping against Haerin, who wraps her arms around her waist and nestles her chin against the crook of her neck.

“Haerin doesn't have a demon inside her. Haerin is the demon,” Minji points out, laughing. To annoy Haerin, the bear hybrid plants a kiss on her cheek that makes her hiss. "You see? totally demonized”

It seems like everyone is very close, which is nice. And friendly too, because they make you feel very welcome.

“Don't pay attention to those three,” Hyein suggests with a smile, referring to Dani, Minji and Haerin. “They're like the Three Stooges, really.”

“They don't seem that bad to me” You smile, realizing that she doesn't mean it in a bad way. But from affection. She knows them. And she loves them. It is that type of love and closeness that implies mockery and complicity.

“Anyway, we're glad you're here. It's..-” Hannie covers her ears, because Danielle is barking again.

“Because you are another person to love!”

When you think that someone, probably Haerin (you don't have to live with them much to realize that they get along like a cat and a dog and that, even so, they love each other very much), is going to tell Dani to shut up for shouting cheesy things, they all nod in agreement.

“If they say people love capybaras, why don't we?” Despite Danielle's earlier outburst, which causes Hanni to panic and cover her ears, she continues. Her voice is so gentle and soft it sweetens your ears. “We will have plenty of time to get to know you”

“Let's see if capybaras are as charming as people make them out to be on social media.” Haerin snorts under her breath, but you notice how he looks at you for a moment, eyes shining, before looking away with a growl. Tsundere.

“They must be! You seem huggable” Minji seems like the only thing she cares about is whether you're comfy and soft to cuddle with. She's a hybrid bear, taking naps with people she likes is something you'll have to get used to from now on.

Then another discussion breaks out about why-capybaras-are-so-loved-and-popular, which only makes you smile.

Living in this house will not be boring at all.

Not when there are five hybrids who seem to just had a crush on you.

Which only proves that capybaras are capable of having anyone head over heels.

#hybrid!au #kpop hybrid au #new jeans x reader #new jeans imagines #danielle x reader #hyein x reader #haerin x reader #minji x reader #hanni x reader

[schlock-luster-video]

On October 19, 1994, Clerks debuted to a limited release in the United States.

Here's some new Jason Mewes art!

#clerks #kevin smith #jason mewes #comedy movies #comedy film #indie film #jay and silent bob #national film registry #independent film #stoner movies #stoner film #stoner art #movie art #art #drawing #movie history #pop art #modern art #pop surrealism #cult movies #portrait #cult film

[oldshowbiz]

Canadian television director Daryl Duke briefly went to the United States to direct The Les Crane Show and a syndicated version of The Steve Allen Show before returning to the CBC to make some "psychedelic television."

He later went on to make some notable movies including Payday (1973), the Silent Partner (1978) and the Thornbirds (1983).

#the silent partner #daryl duke #history of canadian comedy #payday #rip torn #elliott gould #the thornbirds #les crane

[homunculus-argument]

One of my story ideas that'll get around to working on One Day is a western that is not a western - a historical adventure that's set in the time and location of the "wild west", but instead of western tropes, it's chock full of historical stuff that was actually very much a thing back then, but is generally left out of the generic classic spaghetti westerns. All sorts of odd random things that make history nerds poke their friends like "that's actually real btw. That was a real thing back then." Naturally this would take a shit ton of research and that's one of the reasons why this is on the backburner.

One of the characters is Annikki Härmänranta, the protagonists' finnish laundress and housekeeper, who is altogether pretty much only respectfully addressed as "ma'am". Her name is unpronounceable to practically everyone and she adamantly refuses to tolerate any kind of nicknames because they are against her religion. As a devout protestant, she was given her first name when she was christened and got her last name when she married, and as far as she is concerned, christian people don't change names or aquire new ones unless a priest is involved.

The other characters receive this explanation through an equally confused translator, as Annikki herself mainly communicates her disapproval of things by either a whack of her broom, or threatening to whack people with it. She speaks fluent german and while she understands english perfectly fine, she refuses to speak it.

She came to the US along with her husband, who came there to work and died in a mining accident. Though she has no family or other ties to keep her from it, Annikki refuses to return to Europe, having concluded that living in this land is her personal punishment from God. As she is in no way a person who would meekly submit to tolerateing anything that she does not want, the other characters do pierce together that she does genuinely prefer her life here. She is nowhere near as bitter or genuinely resentful as she lets out, but by some finnish logic that makes sense to no-one else, she would find it embarrassing to admit that she is actually genuinely happy, or God forbit admit that she'd do anything purely because she likes it.

The rest of the gang, being a motley crew, are no strangers to otherwise sensible people living by strange codes of honour, so they accept her strange convictions with a shrug. She is loyal to a fault, has no respect whatsoever to the local law and government, and genuinely loves and cares for the gang of outlaws she cooks and cleans for - even if she exclusively expresses her love by aggressively making sure that they are as clean and healthy as she can keep them.

While she mainly communicates with tapping, pointing and occasionally whacking with a broom, ladle or whatever is at hand, she's not exactly silent, and can and will burst into finnish. She talks to herself mainly by talking to the animals - the gang jokes that their goat probably understands finnish by now - and can and will curse out people when they frustrate her. When someone's brought in limping and wounded, the others don't need to understand a word to pierce together that she's scolding them for getting hurt in some stupid-ass way when she just got done nursing the last patient back to passable health.

When a character who's unfamiliar with her tries to meekly explain her that he doesn't understand her, she answers - in finnish - that she knows and doesn't care. It's not like any of them would listen to her any more than the goat does. While none of her rants are translated into english, the readers who do understand finnish get to enjoy the bonus comedy of her laments, which are peppered with remarkably creative cursing and all delivered in a strong and very distinct ostrobothnian dialect.

At the end side of the story she ends up marrying another side character - a chinese man. This comes as a surprise to most of the crew and those of the readers who didn't pick up on the background foreshadowing, and everyone considers them somewhat of an odd couple. He is a more reserved, poetic soul and a sensitive man, and though the other men are baffled as to why he would choose her out of all the women in the world, he's more amused than insulted by their confusion. Things like having rather little in the means of a mutual language, or the fact that she's almost 15 years older than him, are irrelevant to him - a woman who can keep her household in check without needing to say a word is worth far more than one who can't do it with all the talking in the world.

She might look like a mule, but she's as strong as one, too, and a woman who can face down a bear, wrangle drunk men to behave, suture a wound or butcher a chicken without flinching, and somehow out-stubborn a goat, and still be gentle to newborn kittens is exactly the kind of a woman his father told him to marry.

They find a priest who speaks german to marry them, and the priest asks her whether she's not bothered or concerned by the fact that he is not a christian. He did, in fact, offer to convert to christianity, but she tells him that if he would only be doing it for her sake, and not because he genuinely believed in the same God in the same way she does, he should not, because she would rather marry a man who is not christian at all than a false christian. He respected this, and decided not to convert.

Irate at the question, she replies to the priest that there are plenty of perfectly good reasons why she's probably going to Hell, and if the one damn thing would bar her from there is this man, then she's not fucking going. Her first husband was a good man, but not a godly one, and a man not worth going to Hell for is not a man worth marrying. Besides, he is the only one in this cursed land (the german conversations do get translated to english, and while she does not curse as fluently in german, she refers to the US as "this cursed land" in both languages she speaks) who ever made the effort to learn how to pronounce her name.

While the officiating of their relationship is very close to the end of the story, and most of their happily ever after is left to carry on after the story itself has ended, it's still shown that she takes up the task of learning chinese - and despite of her atrociously bad grammar and pronunciation, is willing to actually also speak it. It's also shown that besides her name, he has learned two words in finnish: "Vaimo. Rauhoitu." While this, too, is never translated, the words seem to have the almost supernatural power to stop Annikki from needlessly tearing into whoever she was ripping into, and getting her to calm down - something that no force on earth could do otherwise.

Though he's willing to explain that those are words that she taught her, and something her first husband also used to say to, he refuses to tell anyone what they mean, and not only because knowing secrets amuses him - something that everyone knows about him. She does not wish to be known or understood, and he respects her privacy.