Part 4/5 of my Andreil fake dating au
Check Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
@givemethedamnflowers @bikevindayy @mai-feri @neilimfinejosten @runpinocchio @youweremyversaillesatnight @paradoxolotl @paysomeonetopaysomeone @asteria-astraeus @dreamerthinker @folklt @lalalaets @julesghouls98 @tesadoraofphaedra @objectifymecaptain @holyshitthatsilegal @ourshadowstars @bumpingbees @madrasiiuvu @lillyndra @themundanemudperson @mkmusicmaniac @oddgreyhound @fandoms-stole-my-soul @xhaoticprince @potentialfate-sims
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Dating your best friend is a terrible idea. If it worked out it’d be great, but if there was even a small chance of things going south the whole situation would instantly become catastrophic. Friendship Andrew could deal with, he had practice. He spent years perfecting the mechanics of it. He could even say that at 28 he had more than one friend.So he was not ready to cogitate the idea of losing Neil, and adding romance to the equation could be the end of everything. Could be the thing that led Andrew back to having nothing.
However the moment the words left him he new he had already fucked up. Neil's eyes dimmed and the light that seemed to emanate from him turned dull. Andrew had never ever seen Neil seem so defeated, and it was all his fault.
For the longest time before he met Neil Andrew had searched to feel something other than all the gnawing rage he had inside of him. He often clanged to fear as the less disturbing alternative. That’s why he would go to the roof and sit there on the edge, letting the prospect of the fall bring on the unnerving feeling onto him. For him fear made his mind clearer while rage blinded him, made him reckless and volatile. Rage made things unpredictable, and Andrew hated not knowing what to expect even if it was from himself. Fear exists to make people smarter. If you fear nothing you are more likely to put yourself at risk. Fear prepares people for the possibility of danger, whichever way you choose to respond to it. Often Andrew chose to fight. But facing Neil’s confession he finally understood the concept of flight.
He didn't know what made him more terrified. Spending the rest of his life as just friends or having Neil and then losing him. And that was what made Andrew want to flee. Want to close his heart off and bury his overflowing feelings for Neil so deep inside himself and forget all about it. He could never lose Neil. He just knew that if it happened he would never recover. In the midst of his fear he didn't consider that as long as the words were said out loud the possibility of loss was already hanging in the air.
As Andrew observed Neil retreat into his shell, almost like he was seeing sixteen year old Neil. That was when he realized that in his fear of losing Neil he was already losing him. He closed his eyes briefly and let his mind spin around the possibilities, conjuring the several scenarios that led to either the loss of what they already had or to the life he fantasized before he closed his eyes every night. The life he thought he could never have.
Was he the type to let fear dictate his actions? Was it worth losing the chance to be with Neil because he was afraid of being hurt? More importantly, was it worth hurting Neil just so he could protect himself from a heartbreak that may never happen? He knew he had feelings for Neil, always had and always would, and now that Neil said he liked him all Andrew had to do was guarantee that it would never change.
He opened his mouth to say that although that was indeed a bad idea he was willing to try something more than friendship with Neil when the doorbell rang, loud and shrill.
Andrew and Neil froze as their head snapped to the door. Andrew didn't even dare to breathe as he waited, hoping that it was a mistake and that whoever was at the door would walk away so they could return to the matter at hand. But his hope was torn apart when his brother's voice came from outside.
“Andrew, open the damn door. I know you’re and Josten are there, both your cars are in the garage.” He banged his fist on the door repeatedly. “I have a problem.”
Anyone else and Andrew would’ve gladly ignored their shouts. But ever since their relationship improved Aaron made a point of never asking for Andrew help. In one of their joint sessions they tackled the fact that Aaron took Andrew’s help for granted. That session they had discussed how Andrew showed his feelings in acts of service. He didn't say that he cared for Aaron, it was in the way he helped Aaron through his addiction. The way he was the one to take all of Aaron's tests in high school until his grades were high enough to be considered for colleges. His offer of protection, even if it was overbearing and most often than not unwanted. Ever since then Aaron made a point to be the one always offering Andrew help, so Aaron asking for help now meant that something really was amiss.
Andrew side eyed Neil, whose face continued blank, eyes hardened, before stalking to the door. He opened it up to find Aaron with his hand raised to keep knocking. He let him in, his mind once again spinning and spinning, bouncing from one possibility to another, now trying to figure out what could have brought Aaron to his door in the worst time possible.
When Aaron and him stopped in the middle of the living room he searched for Neil to find him with a gin bottle in his hand, which brought a frown to his face. Neil didn't like to drink. Not the taste nor the feeling of loss of control, he could count on one hand the times he saw Neil indulge in drinking. Andrew took one step closer to him but Neil avoided looking at him, focusing his gaze on Aaron instead.
“Inconvenient as always, Aaron.” He snarled, taking a swing at the bottle before storming out to his room.
“Trouble in paradise?” His brother asked, turning back at Andrew with an insensitive eye roll. That made Andrew want to slap him.
“Spit out what the fuck is your problem and fuck off.” He grouched out crossing his arm in front of his chest.
Aaron’s face crumbled, shocking Andrew when his lips quivered as if he was going to start crying. The only time Andrew saw Aaron crying was at his mother's funeral. Andrew frowned, trying and discarting scenarios that could have brought on that reaction on his brother. The only conclusion he could think of was that it was something to do with Katelyn.
“Is Katelyn alright?” He asked closing the distance between them to stand right in front of Aaron.
His brother breathed in slowly, eyes reddening as he said in a defeated voice. “Katelyn’s pregnant. I asked her to marry me. She said no.”
Andrew remained staring quietly at Aaron, unsure about how to react as his mind pieced what Aaron had just told him.
“Can you say something, I feel like I’m dying.” Aaron complained, unknowingly repenting Neil’s words to Andrew and sending a wave of pain directly to Andrew's bruised heart.
Andrew almost laughed at the irony of the situation. He was about to dish out relationship advice when he had thrown his chance of something more with Neil out of the window in a moment of self doubt and fear.
He sighed, running a hand over his face before looking back at Aaron. “Of course she refused.” At his brother's wide eyes Andrew rolled his. “If she just told you about it and your first response was to ask her to marry you she would immediately think you only asked because of the baby.”
“But- But I love her.” He stuttered, biting his lip, probably to stop their quivering.
“Not the point,” Andrew ran his hand through his hair at the same time Aaron also ran his. “First, what do you want to do about the baby? End the pregnancy? Keep it? Give it up for adoption?” Andrew gulped at the possibility of the baby, his nephew or niece, having to live through what he had.
“No, we are not giving it up!”
“Is that something you and Katelyn agreed upon? Because she’s the one that’s going to carry the baby for nine months.”
Aaron seemed confused as he stuttered through his reply. “She- she’s not going- I mean, I don't think so?”
“Are you asking me?” Andrew's eyebrow rose almost to his hairline.
“I don't know.” He ran his finger through his hair again and sat down on the couch, burrowing himself on the cushions and blankets Andrew hadn't put away that morning, hands going up to cover his face.
Andrew sat next to Aaron, putting one hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lightly in confort—something he never thought he would become accustomed to doing, comforting people. “Go home Aaron, and talk to her.” His voice came out tired but soft. “Ask and listen to what she has to say. And tell her you didn't ask her to marry you because of the baby. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship” Andrew finished and couldn't help feeling like a hypocrite. The whole situation he was in right now was a result of his poor communication skills. Why was it so much easier to deal with other people's problems than his own? Why when it was about his relationship with Neil his mind didn't see things in full clarity, and he scrambled to process everything?
Aaron let his hand fall from his face and looked up at him, nodding his head before breathing deep in and getting up. “You should follow your own advice and sort out whatever is it that got Neil’s panties in a twist.” He said before marching to the front door.
“Yeah, I should.” Andrew mumbled more to himself than to Aaron. “Drive safe.” He added whe Aaron reached the door and pulled it open. He turned back, nodding once at Andrew before closing it.
— — —
After the door closed behind Aaron, Andrew stalked over to Neil’s door. He could hear music coming from inside the room and nothing more. One of Neil’s 70’s and 80’s playlist he liked. Andrew would have let a smirk out if it wasn't for the situation, most of Neil 's were a reflex of Stuart's taste.
“Neil.” He called, leaning his head against the door. The music on the other side of the door became higher. Neil apparently didn't want to talk to him right now.
Andrew didnt know what to do.
He felt defeated.
Things just continuously slipped out of his control and he hated it. First him running his mouth and lying to his family, then Neil’s strange behavior —that now made so much more sense— and then the confession and his own fucked up reaction to it. All he wanted was to take it back. He now wanted to beat himself for not figuring out Neil was flirting —and boy was he flirting— for real during their fake date, that probably wasn't fake at all in Neil’s mind. But how was he supposed to know if Neil hadn't said anything?
Andrew knew Neil was going to be trouble the very first time he laid eyes on him. His scrawny self drowned by the two sizes too big clothes he used to wear, his auburn hair long and curling around his ears and almost covering his insanely bright blue eyes. Eyes that were so sharp and knowing, as if he could see every last one of Andrew's secrets.
His crush on Neil wasn't something he predicted —as was almost everything that had to do with Neil. And Andrew hated it. Hated the unpredictability Neil brought about with his presence. But at the same time he felt drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Up to that point in time Andrew believed there wasn’t someone out for him. And then in comes Neil, hitting all the walls he put around himself like a semi truck until they crumbled down. Burying himself so deep into Andrew until that feeling transformed into something so deep inside him that it became impossible to distinguish what was Andrew and what wasn't. It became a part of Andrew being to the point he didn't even know what would be left of himself if the feeling was gone.
But then the day Neil told him he didn't feel attraction for anyone Andrew went home and scavenged the internet for every bit of information he could find. He was the one to tell Neil the right word for how he felt. That day he promised himself never to tell Neil about his crush. Neil was a piperdream and he would forever remain that. Andrew was certain the day Neil found out he would distance himself. Not out of disgust or something like that, but because he would think that was the right thing to do so Andrew could get over him as he couldn't reciprocate.
But he did reciprocate. He liked Andrew that way. Never, not even in his wildest dreams did Andrew imagine that Neil could like him, and the fact that he liked Andrew for so long was even more outlandish.
Since the lie Andrew had been caught in a constant state of confusion over Neil’s actions. He spent the entirety of their ‘date’ trying to convince himself that he was reading too much into the situation. Why would Neil like him in any other way than as a friend? And if it was true was it worthy to risk their friendship and attempt a relationship that may not last? Andrew never thought that the day he let his fear overtake his judgment would come, or that he would be wallowing in regret, but he was.
“Neil, we need to talk.” He yelled, hitting his head against the door twice.
“Go away, Andrew.” Neil yelled back, his voice muffled and his words already becoming slurred.
Neil was alway a lightweight. Andrew couldn't understand that he was drinking now. Had he taken a page from Kevin’s book and decided to drown his problems in alcohol instead of talking it out? Andrew was so frustrated. This was such a shitty turn of events that he hadn't anticipated when he got up that morning.
His heart seemed one step away from exploding and his anxiety more and more on the verge of bursting out of him. His breaths coming short with each passing second he stood in front of Neil’s door.
“Let's talk it out like two adults.” He heard himself say, his head becoming light. He was starting to dissociate. He could feel his world slowly falling apart. He needed to fix things now, his mind telling him not to let any more time pass with the situation unresolved.
“I don't want to.” Andrew could visualize the pout Neil must be spotting as he sighed and sat down on the hallway, back against the wall beside Neil’s door. Neil was bound to venture outside of the room at some point, he would just have to wait and ambush him then.
He didn't know how long he sat there with his eyes closed, controlling his breathing as he listened to the music spilling into the hallway when the front door slammed open. Andrew jumped up assuming a defensive stance, eyes locked on the entrance of the hallway. After only a few seconds a tall blonde woman stormed in the hallway in a flurry of hot pink feather dress and the tapping sound of her high heels against the wood floors.
Andrew's face morphed into an annoyed expression the instant he caught sight of her. And not even the sight of Renee behind her made his sour expression go away. “What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, one side of his lips curling in disgust.
“Hello, Andrew.” Renee smiled at him, unbothered by his scanthing greetings as Alisson rolled her eyes.
“Neil sent a text about half an hour ago saying that dinner was canceled and that the two of you were not in a relationship whatsoever. He sounded off, so whatever is it that you’ve done, fix it.” Allison pointed her manicured finger at him, almost touching his chest. Andrew looked down at it and considered breaking it, but one look at Renee standing behind Allison had him reconsidering doing so. Instead he crossed his arms and leaned his back against the wall. “Why do you assume I did something?”
“Because, for some strange reason I can’t fathom, Neil has been in love with you for years. So I willing to bet he’s doing his best to not fuck it up now that you two are finally dating. Which leads to his weird mood now being your fault.”
“I don't think it's really fair to assume it’s only Andrew's fault, baby.” Renee shidded her in a soft tone, a small smile still on her face.
Allison didn't look away from Andrew when she replied. “You stay on your best friend’s side, I stay on mine’s.”
“There’s no side to choose.” Neil voiced as he opened his door and strolled out. “I told you you didn't have to come anymore, Ally.”
“No, you said there was no more dinner, not that I couldn’t come to defend your honor.”
And that was why out of all of Neil’s friends he liked Allison the least. She was the one that struggled the most with a no. Oftentimes ignoring when people asked her to not get involved. Andrew was aware she did it most thinking it was the best thing to do for a friend. He was also aware it was hypocritical of him to dislike her for something he did as well—especially when it involved his family, or Neil and Kevin. He tended to do as he pleased if one of them were in danger. But Allison felt the need to mettle with the smallest things, like when she set Neil on blind dates without even telling him or asking his opinion.
“You can't beat Andrew anyway.” Neil said evenly.
“Spite is a powerful weapon.” She bared her teeth Andrew’s way, and he lifted his brow daring her to start shit up with him.
Neil snorted. “No matter how much of it you have, he probably has more.”
Andrew almost—almost—smiled.“Probably?” He arched an eyebrow at Neil, who ignored him, not even giving him a look.
“That’s why I brought back up, they should be here soon enough.” She said tossing her hair back over her shoulder.
Neil let out a loud laugh. “Who’s your back up? Golden retriever Matt?” He asked. “Well, I better start cooking then. Fighting for my honor ought to make everyone hungry.” Wobbling a little on his feet he went past them making his way down the hallway to the kitchen.
Andrew followed behind him, hand grabbing Neil by the elbow and pulling him back. “You’re clearly drunk. You’re not going anywhere near the stove” He stated, leading Neil away from the kitchen and into the living room.
Neil pouted and stomped his foot like a five years old kid.“You can't tell me what to do. You are not my boyfriend.”
Andrew's head throbbed, a headache beginning to form. Neil almost never drank enough to get drunk, but when he did it was a nightmare. He wasn't the type to go uncontrollably wild, but he tended to act like a child after a few drinks. That state lasted for a few hours before he started to feel sleepy.
He had just made Neil sit on the couch when the front door opened again and Matt and Dan made their way into their apartment. Did any of them even know how to knock on the fucking door? Strolling in as if they owned the place. At that moment Andrew cogitate getting an electric door lock while beating himself for forgetting to lock after Aaron went out.
“What did we miss?” Matt asked cheerfully. Andrew turned around to see the man saunter into the living room, arms draped around Dan’s shoulders.
“Matty!” Neil yelled as he jumped off the couch and into Matt’s arms. The taller man stumbled back in surprise but managed to wrap his arms around Neil in time, avoiding falling down with Neil.
“Good to see you too, buddy.” He let out a delighted laugh as he spun around with Neil still in his arms.
“Why does Matt deserve such an affectionate welcome?” Allison complained.
Neil gave a wet kiss to Matt’s cheek. “The last time I saw Matt was months ago. And I see you every other day.” He gave Matt a lopsided grin. “How’s New York treating you?”
“Are you drunk?” Dan asked when Matt finally put Neil down after Neil's unusual welcome—sober Neil was much less affectionate. “You never drink. Why is he drunk?” She directed at Andrew when Neil only shrugged.
“Andrew dumped me.” Neil said, nodding seriously with his eyes closed. “Well, rejected is the more accurate term.”
“I did not.” Andrew denied immediately, although in a way he had..
“Did so.” Niel frowned.
“Did not.”
“Did so.”
“Did not.”
“Stop arguing with him and start explaining.” Dan interrupted, annoyed, eyes locked on Andrew.
Dan was the oldest from them and oftentimes she tended to boss them around and behave like a big sister. Andrew didn’t care for her most of the time, but after years being in close contact with her ways he learned that it was better to go along than endure her nagging. Neil on the other hand was the one that really acted as her little brother. She had been interning with Wymack and co-coaching the track on her summer breaks all throughout college. It made Neil respect and admire her more, so he replied to her, looking up as if he had been called into a headmaster's office for being naughty.
“Andrew lied to his family,” He said slowly, enunciating each word as if trying to remember how they were pronunciate. “ Then I lied to them too, and to myself. Then we went on dates. Spoiler alert: it was terrible. Teachers should be allowed to enjoy a day, but we aren't, because people sucks.” He went into a rant about that for a moment before frowning. “We’re was I? Oh, right. I told Andrew I liked him and he said he doesn't want to date me.” He looked over to Andrew like a well behaved child. “Did I get everything?”
“I didn't say I didn't want to date you. I said it wouldn't be a good idea.”
Neil flipped his hands dismissively. “Semantics.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Allison said, one of her fingers up as she looked around at everyone before setting on Andrew. “You're telling me that you lied to Nicky about dating Neil. Gave him hope. Went on dates and then rejected him.” She whistles clearly judging Andrew.
“Yep!” Neil chirped in and Andrew scowled. Neil turned to Allison. “ But It’s not his fault he doesn't like me.” He defended Andrew.
“Oh, buddy.” Matt said compassionately, circling Neil's shoulder and pulling him into a half hug. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. I’m sure you’ll find the right one someday.”
“I don’t want somebody else..” Neil pouted, eyes reddening.” I’m demisexual. It’s only Andrew.”
Oh, no, no, no! Neil didn't want to tell the other. This situation was going from bad to worse. Neil shouldn’t be telling them when he was drunk and not think clearly. Andrew glanced at the other to gauge their reaction. Matt was the only one that seemed surprised. Renee gave Neil a small smile. Dan nodded, her face telling Andrew everything he needed to know that she already guessed as much.
Allison, though, thought it was a good idea to say: “So… Who won the bet? Did anyone think Neil wasn't gay?”
Andrew saw red the moment she said that. His hands closed into firsts so tight that he felt his nails digging into his palms. That was an important and vulnerable event for Neil, one he might not even remember the next morning. How could she call herself his friend if this was how she was going to behave.
“Out!” He snarled. “Everybody get the fuck out now.”
“I think it is best if we let Andrew and Neil alone.” Renee said in a diplomatic tone as she looked at her girlfriend in disapproval.
“And give him a chance to fuck up again?” Allison glared at Andrew, completely oblivious to the fact that she had made everyone in the room uncomfortable, before going back to looking at her nail in feigned indifference, as if to show she had no intention of leaving.
Andrew took one step in her direction to move her out, but Renne stepped in between them and guided Allison to the door as she continued to say. “At the end of the day it’s their relationship, Allie.”
“Friendship you mean.” Allison clicked her tongue in disdain, but let Renee lead her out the door. “Ok, we’re leaving.” She resigned. “Bye cutie pie, I’ll text you tomorrow.” She yelled to Neil, who had slumped on the couch. He had his eyes closed, but Andrew could see he was hunched into himself and his face had a pained expression. He must be beating himself about the slip up.
“Neil,” Dan said softly. “It’s ok if that's what you identify as. None of us will think of you differently. I hope you know you could have talked to us about it.
“Can we never talk about it again?” He mumbled still without looking at them.
Matt ruffled Neil’s hair and said. “It’s okay, if that's what you want. Love you buddy.” He leaned in to place a kiss on Neil’s forehead. “We’re leaving but we’re in town for a few days. We should go have some fun. What do you think?
Neil only mumbled something unintelligible. Matt glanced at Andrew and nodded in a way that meant ‘take care of him’ before disappearing out the door with Dan close behind, leaving Andrew and Neil alone.
Andrew turned to face Neil, who was laying on the couch sleepily looking up at Andrew. He sighed. Andrew had so many things to say to Neil, but right now wasn’t the time to say them. Neil was drunk and sleepy. So he only looked down at him, appreciating the sharp lines of Neil’s face as he breathed peacefully, his eyes now closed.
“Do you mean what you said?” Neil mumbled. “That you didn't want not to date me?”
“There wasn't a time that I didn't like you Neil.” He said, sitting next to Neil. “In fact I think the word like isn't strong enough to explain what I feel for you. I’m just—” He stopped himself. What was he doing? Should he continue? Should he tell Neil what he felt now, right at this moment?
“You just what?” Neil asked, eyes wide open and looking into Andrew’s with a softness that he reserved to only a few in his life.
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” Neil’s voice was barely a whisper and he turned his body to Andrew.
Andrew turned to Neil, mirroring him. “That I’ll lose you.”
“You could never lose me, Andrew. Never ever ever.” They were so close that Andrew could smell the alcohol in Neil’s breath, which made him smile in fondness. The smile slipped off when it occurred to him that he had hurt Neil so bad that he resolved to drink to numb himself.
“I’m already losing you.” He whispered.
“No, you’re not.” Neil said firmly. “I’ll be okay after a little while. We can still be friends.”
“I don't want to be friends anymore.”
Andrew just knew he couldn't go back to being just a friend to Neil. Not now that the possibility of something more existed. It was dumb of him to think he could. Now looking at Neil's gorgeous face, his heart bouncing inside of him with the need to take that step and cross that line with Neil. He could never go back to what it was so why not take the leap and fall. He had been waiting for the fall to kill him for the longest time but maybe it would be what finally brought him to life. What made him finally happy. Was it foolish to desire happiness when life had proved it was something unreachable to him?
Neil's expression faltered when the silence between them extended for too long..
“Oh.” He breathed one tear following from his eyes.
“Just friends.” Andrew explained in a hurry. “I don't think I want to be just friends anymore.”
“So you want to date me for real?” Neil made sure and Andrew nodded. “Yes, I want to date you.” He confirmed.
“Good.” Neil smiled tenderly. “Can we go to sleep now? I'm really sleepy.” He said, voice fading out as his breathing slowed. He had fallen asleep.
Andrew sat there on the couch observing Neil for a long while before picking him up and bringing him to his room. He felt queasy and feverish about letting Neil in his bed while he was already sleeping but in the end he needed Neil close. So he said screw it and decided it was best to go to sleep, even though it was barely eight p.m.
— — —
Neil felt a throbbing pain in his head when he opened his eyes that morning. Along with it came the sinking feeling of regret.
‘Really, Neil, drinking?’ He asked himself. He couldn't even remember the last time he had drunk so much, probably when he was in college. Drink alway reminded him of his mother—something he was happy to avoid doing. It reminded him of the sting of cuts on his skin or the excruciating pain on his shoulder, and the smell of burned flesh—at the time he didn't even know what had made him more nauseated.
Alcohol was his mother's way of making him quiet through his agony while also numbing it. She would laugh at him for resorting to it to numb a heartbreak. Laughable, really. She wouldn't need to as she had no heart and therefore no love to give.
‘Why was he even thinking of her?’, he berated himself. His mother was an unfeeling bitch with terrible taste in men, and he was nothing like her. He wouldn’t be.
His eyes danced around the room trying to situate himself. Years of training to stay alert waisted after years of a peaceful life. He was going rusty, and he didn't know if it was for better or for worse.
The room was dark. Deep red blackout curtains were drawn close, blocking the light from outside from getting into the room. The only source of light came from under the closed door and the red glow of a digital clock perched atop of the black nightstand. A clock and a nightstand that were not his. He stilled, waiting for something caught in between his state of confusion while he willed his brain to start despite the nauseating pain in his head.
He felt a low sigh from behind him as a puff of warm air hit his nape. A strong arm encircled his waist and pulled him into an embrace. The smell of peppermint and cinnamon, just like hot cocoa, reached him. He recognized that smell anywhere, it was something Neil had brought up numerous times since Andrew had stopped smoking and the scent of the cigarette smoke didn't cover everything else anymore. Neil still could not figure out how someone could smell so good, so comforting.
‘That explains why it is so dark’, He thought as he turned slightly to see Andrew.
Andrew had made this room his teenage years dream goth room, complete with black walls, red curtains and arched four poster bed. Neil had laughed that he had achieved the Victorian vampire aesthetic with the decor the first time he walked into Andrew’s room. Andrew had especially picked out expensive items and real wood furniture he thrifted.
Neil tried to summon any memory of how he had ended up there after falling asleep on the couch. Slowly the event of the night before came back to him, stealing his breath for a second. He almost jumped right out of the bed when the memory of Andrew telling him that he liked him back emerged from the fog of his hangover mind. Was it true? Had he dreamed it? It couldn't be real, right?
He was careful not to wake up Andrew when he lifted the arm Andrew had over his waist as he slipped out of the bed. He gazed at Andrew sleeping before pacing the room, trying to calm his galloping heart. Nervous energy coursing through his veins, mahjong him twitch. His headache long forgotten as he now ached for a run that would help him let out the excess energy.
He remembered Andrew knocking on his door and little bits of conversation he had with Alisson and Matt. And although his memory was foggy and faded, bits and pieces came to him. He could piece it together enough to confirm that Andrew had really said that.
He stopped his pacing, turned around so he would face Andrew. He was still asleep but his eyes were partially open, the hard line of his face soft and his half open mouth drooling all over his pillow. This picture shouldn’t stir anything in Neil yet he felt his heart swell at how adorable Andrew looked. He longed for a touch but he knew what a bad idea it was to touch an unaware Andrew, and he did not fancy black eye to accompany his aching head even if Andrew still had his arm draped over him.
“Andrew?” He approached the bed and called in a hush. The sleeping man didn't even stir. “Come on, Andrew, wake up. I have to ask you something.”
“It’s too early.” Andrew grumbled after Neil continuously called his name.
“No, it is not.” Neil grabbed the blanket covering them and wanked it off Andrew, tossing it on the floor. “We need to talk.”
“Don’t toss it on the floor.” Andrew complained, trying to stop Neil, when he did not succeed he sat up on the bed and glared at Neil with displeasure. With a scowl he pointed a finger at the blanket. “You’re washing it.”
“Fine!” Neil huffed as he rolled his eyes. Andrew was a neat freak. While Neil preferred a little mess, as a sparkling clean house reminded him of his father's impeccable manor, a messy house reminded Andrew of disgustings dirty foster homes. “Why am I here?” He asked, even though he knew Andrew must have carried him.
“To annoy me, it looks like.” Neil crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at Andrew. Andrew signed before explaining. “I carried you here after you fell asleep on the couch.
Neil hummed before staring intently at Andrew. Probably for more time that was polite as Andrew began to fidget. His hand became cold and he shifted his weight from one foot to another. “You said you like me.” Neil stated, trying his best to maintain his expression neutral. “That you want to date me.”
Andrew got out of bed and breached the feel steps in between Neil and the bed. “I did.” he said when he came to a stop right in front of Neil.
Neil's heart soared high into the sky and a blinding smile was born in his face. In that moment all the pain from the night before disappeared, replaced by a giddy feeling that Neil had never ever felt before. It made him want to treasure it. Made him want to treasure Andrew.
“That means you're my boyfriend now, right?” Enquired Neil through his smile.
Andrew nodded. “Yes, it does.”
“And I’m your boyfriend.” Neil continued, with a smile.
“Hope so.”
“Are you sure?” He asked.
Andrew eyebrows went up and a little smirk graced his lips. “Do you want me to take it back?
“No!” Neil cried out. “Can I kiss you then? And touch you?
Andrew smirked as he leaned in closer to Neil. He framed both sides of Neil's face with his hands and stared deep into Neil’s eyes. Neil felt his heart miss a beat and blood rush to his face. All of a sudden the room felt hot and stuffy, the heat seeming to emanate from the point of contact of Andew’s hands and go through all of Neil's body. His throat went dry, his hands flapping as he didnt know what to do with them.
“You can touch my hair.” Andrew whispered between them before one of hand’s moved to Neil’s nape, pulling him down and slamming their lips together.
Andrew kissed like he was a man stuck in a desert for days and dying of thirst and Neil's lips were his first sip of water, his oasis. His lips moved over Neil with firmness and hunger, probing it open so he could slip his tongue into Neil’s mouth. With one hand on Neil’s neck and the other moving to Neil’s waist Andrew pulled Neil against him. They were so close that Neil could feel Andrew’s heart beating against his chest. Or maybe it was his heart that was beating, he didn't know anymore. Enthralled in the moment as he was, the world could have ended and Neil wouldn’t notice or give a damn about it.
He fisted Andrew's hair a little too tight, which earned him a growl from Andrew. Andrew, as if possible, deepened their kiss even more. Kissing Neil with bruising force that transformed his legs into jelly. Millions of butterflies taking flight in Neil's stomach. Cliche way of describing it, he knew, but Neil thought it was pretty accurate to what he was feeling.
They only stopped kissing when they needed to breathe, and even then Neil wished they didn't need air to survive. Kissing Andrew should be all he needed. They remained close, foreheads locked together as they breathed hard. “Wow.” Neil said, before a loppy smile took over. He felt dazed and a little high even. High on Andrew.
“Yes or no, Neil?” Andrew asked in a breathless, rough voice, barely a whisper. It scratched all the right places in Neil’s brain. Neil froze in place, his mouth unable to function, much like his brain.
“No.” He practically yelled as he jumped away from Andrew.
“No?” Andrew asked, his eyes wide with terror. He snapped his hands away from Neil as if Neil’s skin had burned him. Keeping them fisted and hanging at his side.
Neil went on a rant. Now that he established Andrew indeed liked him and his brain processed all that had happened until that moment. “Do you have any idea what I felt when you said dating me was a terrible idea? And for what? Because you were afraid. Fuck you, Andrew. News flash, I was terrified too, and then I was heartbroken. I should withhold kisses for a while for that. You’ll see, the sexual frustration will kill you. Don’t—”
“I practically lived with it for years.” Andrew interrupted, shoulders going up and down, completely unbothered now that he knew what Neil meant with no. “At this point if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger.”
“Fuck you, asshole.” Neil said. “But yes you may kiss me.” He added after a thought.
And Andrew kissed him. Kissed him a lot, and for a long time.
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— This part was hard. Writing from Andrew's POV after writing Neil's for the last two was soooo hard, and then it was really hard writing Neil's POV again. But I'm most satisfied with this part. —
— Next is the last part, an epilogue, so we're having a little time skip. —
— I also wanted to thank everyone who left a comment on this fanfic until now. I really like knowing what you guys think. —
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