#Triggering other people’s insecurities. That is not and nor will it ever be my responsibility

[stuckinapril]

The whole “be responsible not for other people’s feelings but to them” distinction is so so true… at some point you need to realize that other people’s insecurities really are their responsibility & dimming or contorting yourself to make them feel better helps neither you nor them. Firstly, bc they need to realize what they’re doing and grow up. And secondly, bc you’re not just compromising on a one-time thing. You’re comprising on who you are as a person. I don’t want to look back when I’m older and stay stuck wishing I held my ground despite people’s projections or asserted my presence more or didn’t apologize so much for who I am. I really just want to own everything (the good and bad) & continue doing what makes me happy

#This is something to bring up to the therapist for sure bc im not perfect on this yet #and i think that’s also another thing im learning to be less hard on myself for — just realizing im 21 and that having insecurities or weak #Spots still is literally okay. Making mistakes is okay. I beat myself up for this too much #I am not a horrible person for being young & learning how to live & no one will make me feel otherwise #This goes in the other direction too in the sense that I need to stop being apologetic of my accomplishments for fear of #Triggering other people’s insecurities. That is not and nor will it ever be my responsibility #I’m always going to be graceful w other people’s emotions but I’m no longer going to overcompensate bc it helps no one #And is not a marker of love for me to do so

[babyhatesreality]

Hi there love!

I know you know who I am by that sentence and I could ask this without being anonymous but I don’t feel comfortable doing that I think you’ll understand why after reading this…

Okay so, recently I posted a fic who was asked about one of daddies waking up little reader with kisses on her 🐱 ect, you know what I mean ?

And I just had some hate about that because people didn’t read the warnings nor the warnings tags which made me really insecure and it also made me feel bad about all kind of things.

I don’t regret posting it because I love pleasing people in posting their requests but it just made me feel.. low, you know ?

And I wanted to know if you would be comfortable about writing a fic for me ?

I let you write whatever you want, let your mind flies but I just want to see in the fics lots of fluff by daddies, comfort, kisses, I need the reader to feel really little because I need to feel little right now and because of the hate I don’t know how

Thank you so much for even considering it, love! You’re an amazing writer and I know I already told you that but I tell you again now. Your fics are amazing and it always make me feel good

I love you!

Kisses,

Anonymous 💜

My love. I got you <3

Sparkle

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f! reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), f! reader, nicknames, reader is named but name scarcely used, sad baby, means internet words, angst, comfort, fluffity fluff fluff fluff.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

You shouldn't have gone onto the computer without your daddies. You always regretted it, and today was definitely no exception. But you'd been bored and forgotten.

You'd seen the stupid click-bait article but had been unable to resist. The lies, the insinuations, the straight up nastiness from people who had never met your daddies, let alone you, was astounding. That people felt it was okay to be this mean, this condescending, this nasty about someone else, while they were sitting pretty, safely behind their crumb-filled keyboards. You didn't want to think about it. But it kept drilling its way into your mind.

You tried everything to take your mind off it- watching Tangled, playing with Jellybean, coloring, drawing, building Legos, but nothing was working. You finally crawled into your closet, buried yourself under a blanket, and cried.

When Steve and Bucky came home, they were unnerved to find that their precious hyperactive angel didn't come running to greet them. They found you pretty quickly, getting you out from the closet and holding you close. They'd seen the iPad on your bed, and from a brief search history figured out the trigger pretty quickly.

Steve held you so tight in his arms, after wrapping your favorite yellow blanket around you. He rested his cheek on the top of your head and murmured soft things into your ear.

"Baby, you know what you read isn't true. These people don't know us or you. They are being mean because they think they are allowed to have a say in our lives. But that's wrong. They don't get a say. It only matters what you say, what I say, what Daddy says. And Daddy and I love you so much that we don't ever, EVER, want to be apart from you. We know that you're the best thing that ever happened to us. You make us so happy. You make so many people so happy, and that's just by being you. We don't want anyone else, and we don't want things to change. We love the way you sparkle."

As Steve was holding you, Bucky was making one of your favorite comfort meals- grilled cheese with tomato soup. You all had an impromptu picnic on the living room floor. Steve transferred you to Bucky's lap so he could spend some time reassuring you. He gently fed you bites of the sandwich and spoonfuls of soup.

"Papa is right, you know," Bucky said, wiping the tiniest bit of soup off your chin, before feeding you another bite of sandwich. "You're our best girl, baby. There's no one else, there never will be anyone else. And anyone who thinks that we're all wrong, never mattered in the first place. They don't get to decide our lives. They don't have any power over us at all. And they never will. You keep sparkling on, just like you always have. Okay?"

When you gave a shy, soft smile and a nod in return, they smiled their best Daddy and Papa smiles at you. Neither one of them put you down for the rest of the night except at bath time, and even then they always had one hand on you. You got to eat cookies in bed with them while they read your two stories each.

And you realized- your sparkle is what makes you unique. The way you laugh, and play, and giggle, and create- that's what they loved about you. And absolutely no one could take that away. You were- and would always be- loved for your sparkle.

#daddy!bucky #daddy!bucky x little!reader #daddy bucky #daddy bucky x little reader #daddy!steve #daddy!steve x little!reader #daddy steve #daddy steve x little reader #daddy steve rogers #daddy steve rogers x little reader #daddy!steve rogers #daddy!steve rogers x little #daddy stucky #daddy stucky x little reader #daddy!stucky #daddy!stucky x little reader

[trickstarbrave]

i am watching sulmatul's video on v:tmb and i have to say. i dont agree with her assessment of terese and jeanette's storyline

this isn't to say i think everyone has to like it. its a deeply upsetting backstory and how terese and jeanette talk about it isn't comfortable in the slightest. it can be very, very triggering for anyone listening. but i have played the game over and over and that was always my favorite part.

so uh. cw for: csa, DID, psychosis, murder, serious mental illness, self harm through risky behaviors, and verbal abuse. but i do wanna talk about my thoughts

--

sulmatul frames it as terese was openly being portrayed as a seductress being abused by her father, jeanette openly trying to seduce him in turn, and all being done for the sake of edginess with no care for how they portray such delicate subject matter.

i can agree it is a bit edgy and some parts are unnecessary with dark humor which doesn't take the edge off like the writers probably assumed it was but only gives it a trivializing edge in some parts. but upon first play-through i already grasped what was going on and more play-throughs only confirmed it.

terese and jeanette were never two separate people physically, i dont think. the painting of them and their father as two little twin girls was likely commissioned by terese and was to throw the player off. its clearly stylized anyways and not a realistic portrait. DID is typically formed due to severe childhood trauma, after all, and consistent sexual abuse a very common source of said severe childhood trauma, unfortunately (i have met people with DID who have openly admitted to developing it in response to CSA). jeanette was always terese's alter, and was originally to protect terese. jeanette holds all the negative feelings about their abuse, and all the negative thoughts terese has about herself. jeanette is the one who snuck out of the house to sleep around, which is not jeanette "being the classic whore" but instead a form of self harm by engaging in risky behaviors. jeanette figures if she has to suffer through sex, she might as well do so on her terms. meanwhile terese has convinced herself she's actually their father's "favorite".

jeanette openly despises their father. jeanette openly resents him. she says "father always liked terese more" when trying to manipulate the player and trying to inspire pity, but she's not really broken up about his death and instead takes a sort of sick delight in it.

jeanette only really specifies sleeping with him one time in particular: the night of his death. jeanette came back from sneaking out. their father came in drunk, and jeanette was still awake. terese it seems only has partially or emotional amnesia given how quickly she knows what jeanette has done and vice versa, and always seems particularly disgusted with how much jeanette sleeps around and with who because she remembers it, even partially. their father mistook jeanette as terese, and assaulted her. terese then wakes up, climbs out of bed, gets their father's gun, and shoots him in the head for "cheating" on her in a fit of psychosis, only to then regret what she had done.

terese was never not the victim, nor is she ever portrayed as a seductress when she is the primary victim. she is not a nymphet, nor is their father portrayed sympathetically as an abuser. when jeanette calls her a whore, its to hurt terese severely. terese hates openly talking about the abuse, ashamed of it, despite how much she says "father loved me more than you" listing off all the ways jeanette's behavior upset him. but its also clear they have built up their whole identities around what the other is most insecure about but tries to hide.

terese, is an uptight, direct, serious business woman almost in direct response to jeanette's deep seated fear and insecurity of never being taken seriously. and jeanette is a seductress who simply loves sex and sleeping around, either to manipulate people or just for fun, in almost direct response to terese's deep seated fear of being seen as a whore or unclean for being sexually abused.

i don't think sulmatul had any malice with summarizing it as such. it is not a story that handles sexual abuse with kid gloves on, with clear lines of right and wrong and holds your hand through it. in real life victims are messy and complicated. some refuse to admit they were abused and claimed it was all consensual. some respond with risky behaviors, horrible attitudes, and a general lack of care that makes them unsympathetic to most. oftentimes they are pitted against one another by an abuser who distracts them with jealousy and making them tear each other down. even for those who resent their abuse, after being subjected to it for so long, you begin to hate and resent those who are given special treatment and are seen as the "favorites".

i can see anyone who doesn't like engaging with that sort of storyline having a knee jerk reaction, and i can also see someone unfamiliar with the messy, disgusting feelings and behaviors of abuse victims to equally draw the wrong conclusion. but what is to one victim triggering and offensive is to others an outlet for being seen.

every play-through i try my damnedest to keep them both alive. they do love and support each other but are twisted by old wounds that continue to feed into a cycle of self harm, personal attacks, petty jealousy, and insecurity. they have been running from their trauma for years with only each other as their confidant, and neither has emotionally healed enough to handle it. they won't heal if they lose the other. it only validates the poor coping mechanisms the surviving sister has. but god is it hard to do so.

v:tmb doesn't have a lot of deep themes, but it is overall (at least in the early parts) attempting to explore the grotesque, messy parts of society people try to look the other way from. disease (including sexually transmitted diseases), sex, abuse, murder, drugs, nightclubs, sex work, all of it without glamorizing it, and cloaking it in the imagery of bad horror movies of the time.

#jeanette voerman #terese voerman #vampire: the masquerade - bloodlines #v:tmb

[relationshipsafecute]

"You are killing US with YOUR jealousy"

So far I have enlightened the world with my thoughts on jealousy and self-esteem. I want to clear up any misunderstandings that may have some male people thinking that I am targeting only women here. Jealousy and self-esteem issues also can imprison men as well as women. No one is excused from real human emotions. Emotions know no face, color, size or gender. There are two victims here, not just one.

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

I also feel that I have neglected to reveal how the other party involved in a relationship that suffers from jealousy or self-esteem issues also suffers.

A relationship is a partnership. It is a commitment made between two people, in that we will stand by each other through thick and thin. Unfortunately, when it is a jealousy issue, both parties are effected. We tend to focus on the person that is trapped in the prison of worry, more than the other person that is caught in the line of fire, partly because we need to free that side first, then we can help heal the other.

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

Well I am now going to share that persons prison of hell as well.

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

Time after time they try so hard to reassure you that they do love you and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defense. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for the shoe to drop. Some times it takes a few days, some times it drops immediately. Never the less they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear we will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to us. They begin to feel, "damned if they do, and damned if they don`t". I personally hate that feeling. To think that I myself would put someone in that position makes me want to run away faster than Forrest Gump.

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

The neglect you put on that person through your jealous insecurities is as real to them as your feelings of being trapped in your prison of doubt. There are many scenarios as to why jealousy rises up inside people, but for the innocent ones that really do not ever do anything to trigger that fear inside you, they are the innocent victims. People that have come to the point of identifying their issues and have began to deal with them, please remember the other person that is there with you. They too need special attention, because they have shared your fears and your pain. In a much different way, never the less, they still ache. Jealousy can destroy so many good things in ones lives. It can destroy our mate, through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must stop. Would you take a gun and shoot your mate? NOT!! So then why are you allowing this emotion to torture what is so dear to you? I repeat, as long as your mate is not responsible for your fears or if they have made amends and are trying to make things better, then please understand their pain of being mistrusted. When they see you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. Your mate loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where they are coming from. Are you using them as a reason to get attention? Again, a wrong kind of attention. If you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking, then talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say. Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

I hope that I have at least opened up some thoughts in your minds as to what else is going on in a relationship that is plagued by jealousy. Both sides are equally being torchered and killed. We need to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH more often with each other. Oh and lets not forget my favorite thing to do…HUGGGGGG!!!!

One thought from my heart to yours:

Say this outloud:

"I am always ready to risk. I am always ready to learn. I am always ready to test my strength, and so I put my worries aside and just live!"

Get Free Good Advice for a good and long relationship help

#Vrelationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipadvise #relationshipanarchy #relationshipadviceforwomen #relationshipadvice101 Aarelationship #arelationshipthetpays #arelationshiplikethis #arelationshipcompany #arelationshipwithgod Wrelationshipblogger #relationshipbuilding #relationshipbelike #relationshipbooks #relationshipblog #brelationship Abrelationships #brelationshipsastsong #brelationshipgoals #relationshipcoach #relationshipcoaching Prelationshipcounselling #relationshipcounseling Prelationshipchat_wa #crelationship #crelationshippictures #crelationships #crelationshipgoals #crelationshipcoach #relationshipdynamics #relationshipdrama #relationshipdevelopment #relationshipdoctor trelationshipdetcx #drelationship

[hocusbogus]

Journal Entry: 12 April 2023, Wednesday

When we entered April month, I tweeted that April is gonna go by fast, like the wind and it did. Can you believe it’s already 12th April? And it does feel like April is gonna go by so fast I won’t even know what I did in April. Meanwhile March lasted forever!

I feel like the first two weeks of April have been quite hard on me, mainly in the career aspect. I’m guessing it’s because I’ve been doing things that are against my core and nature for about a year (5 years if we’re including my whole corporate career), and it’s just been eating at me day by day and I just don’t feel validated nor understood by anyone. 

People are dealing with their own shit and they have no obligation to be our source of comfort, I am my own source of comfort I am aware, and I rely on social media (especially tiktok) and music a lot to sooth myself. I just don’t find talking about it to the wrong people help, and it’s not their fault that it felt “wrong”, they’re them and that’s great but of course nobody can ever grasp your depth of understanding or pain or emptiness as much as yourself. 

I know there are fluctuations in life and there is no highs without the lows and vice versa. I think it also has to do with the fact that a lot of shadow sides in my relationships with others are being brought to light. I no longer share my writing and reflection on my other social media, because I am kinda hoping that nobody will read this. At least no one from my physical life will read this and I can just reflect from this in peace.

I wanted so desperately to move on to the next chapter of my life, it’s really weird to go on as if nothing has happened with a relationship that has ended? In my head, it has ended, the night we spoke about it, it ended right then and there and I’ve been mourning it. But, we’re still acting like it’s okay on a daily basis? He needed time to move out and I don’t know why I am being too graceful about it? Why do I hate confrontation so much? I really hate having this type of trauma response because I am unable to pull the trigger for my own benefit. I want to start fresh and clean and things being stagnant feels like rotten carcass hanging in the middle of the living room and we’re just getting used to the smell of death.

The only great thing is, April is moving by fast, so meaning this “death” will then rot faster. This uneasiness inside of me have been manifesting in so many ways, it’s eating me inside out because I became very easily triggered and just overall rude because it’s like my body and soul is reacting so negatively over this play pretend.

Other than that is not wanting to continue a friendship on a deeper level anymore with someone. It’s not their fault, I just don’t find the friendship as fruitful anymore. However, the irony is I still wanna be liked by them, I still wanna be on their good side, and I still get jealous if I am not as close to them as others. Why do I even feel this way when I know for a fact that we are drifting apart and I don’t want to be that close to them anymore? Why do I still want to put so much effort into pretending like this is something more than it actually is when in reality it’s such a burden to me and I keep bitching about it? Why should I? Why am I going trough all these? Is it a sense of obligation as if I owe them something? We don’t owe each other anything.

We had a good run, it was great but I don’t think I’ve ever moved past what they did to me in the past, apparently in the back of my mind it was still there like a ghost in the shadows. Reminding me from time to time over the insecurities that existed in our connection. I shouldn’t be wasting our time, I should just mourn this loss and move on. They can be amazing, but maybe not to me. I am admitting all these feelings just so I can let it go and move on.

I feel like I’ve been dealing with these feelings a lot the past few weeks, and I need space. I need to be alone somewhere unreachable and just sit with my thoughts, write, or vlog and just try to find myself again. Been losing myself a lot lately.

I feel like I lost a part of me when my relationship ended, and I feel like all of my connections are getting worse. Not because it actually is, but because I am. So every interaction I have doesn’t seem to make me feel better in fact it makes me feel even more lost. And it’s not because of the people, it’s because of me. This is not blaming myself or anyone or anything, this is just me acknowledging my feelings, this me saying “Yes I feel fucked up now”.

Ironically I write a lot, and so deeply whenever I feel this way. I’ll come by more often to digest my feelings.

#personal #journal entry

[nanorelationship]

"You are killing US with YOUR jealousy"

So far I have enlightened the world with my thoughts on jealousy and self-esteem. I want to clear up any misunderstandings that may have some male people thinking that I am targeting only women here. Jealousy and self-esteem issues also can imprison men as well as women. No one is excused from real human emotions. Emotions know no face, color, size or gender. There are two victims here, not just one.

I also feel that I have neglected to reveal how the other party involved in a relationship that suffers from jealousy or self-esteem issues also suffers.

A relationship is a partnership. It is a commitment made between two people, in that we will stand by each other through thick and thin. Unfortunately, when it is a jealousy issue, both parties are effected. We tend to focus on the person that is trapped in the prison of worry, more than the other person that is caught in the line of fire, partly because we need to free that side first, then we can help heal the other.

Well I am now going to share that persons prison of hell as well.

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

Time after time they try so hard to reassure you that they do love you and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defense. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for the shoe to drop. Some times it takes a few days, some times it drops immediately. Never the less they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear we will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to us. They begin to feel, "damned if they do, and damned if they don`t". I personally hate that feeling. To think that I myself would put someone in that position makes me want to run away faster than Forrest Gump.

The neglect you put on that person through your jealous insecurities is as real to them as your feelings of being trapped in your prison of doubt. There are many scenarios as to why jealousy rises up inside people, but for the innocent ones that really do not ever do anything to trigger that fear inside you, they are the innocent victims. People that have come to the point of identifying their issues and have began to deal with them, please remember the other person that is there with you. They too need special attention, because they have shared your fears and your pain. In a much different way, never the less, they still ache. Jealousy can destroy so many good things in ones lives. It can destroy our mate, through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must stop. Would you take a gun and shoot your mate? NOT!! So then why are you allowing this emotion to torture what is so dear to you? I repeat, as long as your mate is not responsible for your fears or if they have made amends and are trying to make things better, then please understand their pain of being mistrusted. When they see you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. Your mate loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.

Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where they are coming from. Are you using them as a reason to get attention? Again, a wrong kind of attention. If you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking, then talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say. Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.

I hope that I have at least opened up some thoughts in your minds as to what else is going on in a relationship that is plagued by jealousy. Both sides are equally being torchered and killed. We need to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH more often with each other. Oh and lets not forget my favorite thing to do…HUGGGGGG!!!!

One thought from my heart to yours:

Say this outloud:

"I am always ready to risk. I am always ready to learn. I am always ready to test my strength, and so I put my worries aside and just live!"

Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com email- [email protected]

#Women #woman #esteem #self #confidence #jealous #issues #help #group #free #abuse #sexuality #beauty #ugly #crelationshippictures #crelationships #relationshipdynamics #relationshipdrama #relationshipdevelopment #relationshipdoctor #relationshipdetox #relationshipmeme #relationshipmatters #relationshipmanagement #relationshipmarketing #relationshipk #relationshipkiller #relationshipkillers #relationshipkingdom #relationshipkeys

[forever-relationship-123456]

You are killing US with YOUR jealousy

So far I have enlightened the world with my thoughts on jealousy and self-esteem. I want to clear up any misunderstandings that may have some male people thinking that I am targeting only women here. Jealousy and self-esteem issues also can imprison men as well as women. No one is excused from real human emotions. Emotions know no face, color, size or gender. There are two victims here, not just one.

I also feel that I have neglected to reveal how the other party involved in a relationship that suffers from jealousy or self-esteem issues also suffers.

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

A relationship is a partnership. It is a commitment made between two people, in that we will stand by each other through thick and thin. Unfortunately, when it is a jealousy issue, both parties are effected. We tend to focus on the person that is trapped in the prison of worry, more than the other person that is caught in the line of fire, partly because we need to free that side first, then we can help heal the other.

Well I am now going to share that persons prison of hell as well.

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

Time after time they try so hard to reassure you that they do love you and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defense. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for the shoe to drop. Some times it takes a few days, some times it drops immediately. Never the less they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear we will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to us. They begin to feel, "damned if they do, and damned if they don`t". I personally hate that feeling. To think that I myself would put someone in that position makes me want to run away faster than Forrest Gump.

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

The neglect you put on that person through your jealous insecurities is as real to them as your feelings of being trapped in your prison of doubt. There are many scenarios as to why jealousy rises up inside people, but for the innocent ones that really do not ever do anything to trigger that fear inside you, they are the innocent victims. People that have come to the point of identifying their issues and have began to deal with them, please remember the other person that is there with you. They too need special attention, because they have shared your fears and your pain. In a much different way, never the less, they still ache. Jealousy can destroy so many good things in ones lives. It can destroy our mate, through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must stop. Would you take a gun and shoot your mate? NOT!! So then why are you allowing this emotion to torture what is so dear to you? I repeat, as long as your mate is not responsible for your fears or if they have made amends and are trying to make things better, then please understand their pain of being mistrusted. When they see you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. Your mate loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where they are coming from. Are you using them as a reason to get attention? Again, a wrong kind of attention. If you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking, then talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say. Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.

I hope that I have at least opened up some thoughts in your minds as to what else is going on in a relationship that is plagued by jealousy. Both sides are equally being torchered and killed. We need to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH more often with each other. Oh and lets not forget my favorite thing to do…HUGGGGGG!!!!

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

One thought from my heart to yours:

Say this outloud:

"I am always ready to risk. I am always ready to learn. I am always ready to test my strength, and so I put my worries aside and just live!"

Get free advice for a good and long relationship. Help Link

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[cosmicangel888]

Why the chasing for superficial or gain is never the answer ~ Love is always ~ 5D HEAL thy wounds

All realities - all dimensions; there is a grander plan ~

Your soul, spirit, body, mind, soul as One is going through evolutionary experiences - how you express, explore, and who are you to re-align and refine - and why every and each persons accountability and responsibility to seek what is needed to be fully unique and divine and dependent upon thyself -

Know thyself = how each does, healing wounding from inner child, shadow and any other aspect of darkness - all are accountable and how each is the way each will level up to true self love, self design, self empowerment and why none can force, make or surrender to less than and smaller stories so that the insecure feel 'ok' - this does n9t serve anyone involved - being accountable - standing strong and knowing when you succumb to enslavement, co-dependence, and other shadow wounding - each have to heal and transmute

Many years ago - I woke up in the middle of the night, my guides said; 'they are stealing from you' and how dark the past 5 years have been, it got darker and I slipped more and more into poverty while moneis for the children and humanity were slipping by the corrupt - which was unnecessary and the harm and damage and loss - so unnecessary and it must be returned - what was taken must return

All is and must be accounted for; it matters not, for those that have done such games on me, to me, using my name, my energy, my work, and how my name-signature, and what misuse and abuse being done to and intentionally making my life hell - for years, and years and for each time every day asking for all to stop-all is how each must take account for every choice made in lack and see, design a new version - and why spirit, the Heavens, know all; nothing is hidden, and nor would it ever be - God is god - beyond the beyond and God see's all things - none and nothing can be hidden;

There has been much fraud and debauchery done to intentionally mess the innocent lives up for those that choose to use abuse of energy, information, work and content, and customer base, and my name - spiritual blocks will be placed - the highest of the Heavens due to the unfair and unjust discrimination of what actions done to me and how anyone could ever feel that any one persons think they control my life, and using my name, my work, and how all is such of a game of your own doing - God will show what you have created = you are responsible for you - make your own life good and stay out of the criminal path that is unnecessary -

I have my rights to walk as I will -

I have my rights to be divorced and happily so

I have my rights to be me and express my gifts and my will -

I have my rights to be me - all must heal the triggers of truth - what beliefs and lack of self and density of self do you live with - harm and damage is not necessary -

I have my rights to be separated from such toxic and dysfunction abuse and have been for 5 years of the underground mess that selfish spell casters, community masked businesses - truth is truth and all lies will implode upon itself - period - you all know what part you played and God will ensure and assure all are brought to the information and people that will assure truth and justice will be - God knows and sees all - there is a reason why all have to do the work, for there is a grander plan - the soul requires judgement of the balance taken away from the innocent, and the unfair treatment and illness to the innocent for the corruption of the unfair -

None will be void of the path of bringing balance to all that has been taken and harmed - all must face and walk in their choices and account - that is the way of soul healing and levelling up and knowing who you are -

Self love is everything and God has spoken - truth is

My work is my work - I have been truthful in every day and offering unconditional help and tools and those aching to down me and use everything I am; to look-alike doppelgängers and my work, my name, to underground clout chasing to underground dark groups that used my light and my histories to achieve their agendas and bidding for the dark ones - well - all is returning - for it must - this is universal law - truth is truth - it is a vibration - I know who I am - none know me - I

monies and paperwork, mail, my inheritance and uses of resources could have gone into human healing programs and such, been going to the selfish corrupt - and God and spirit sees all - God is infinite and always will be provided for me - God will assure it will return - your taking and schemes will never change how God will bless me - for God is beyond -

And so be the grace and humility of God -

Joanna

More on Creational Realities; Paradigms Shifting of Consciousness ~ Perfection of the Divine Plan for all life; For private sessions, webinars, classes or consulting ~

Email me at [email protected]

Human - omni- evolution, re-writing all aspects of our co-creative experiences through love, light, harmony of all that is sacred, always been sacred; World Ascension Healing Classes, Intuitive Sessions, Healing Sessions, Ascension Books, Healing Systems, 5D human-socio-altruistic re-write ~

Donations are greatly appreciated - God will always provide - I am proof of this :) Thank you - peace is

DONATIONS - see our PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss PATREON new community link ~ for monthly subscribers;

#ascension

#healinghumanity

Healing corruption - at every level - the universe is abundant - corruption is not necessary - we are higher vibrational beings - crime is not necessary -

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[yhwhrulz]

Today's Daily Encounter 29th August 2022

Characteristics of Maturity - Part I

If I were asked, "How can you tell if a person is mature?" I would respond by saying, "If a person consistently acts in a mature manner, he would be a mature person. However, if on the other hand he consistently acts in an immature manner, you can be certain that he would be an immature person." As Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do."

While none of us is perfect or completely mature, if we understand the characteristics of maturity, we can work on these areas to grow in maturity. While there are many characteristics, the following certainly would be among the top five:

Emotional maturity. While spiritual maturity is reflected in the quality of our relationship to God, emotional maturity is reflected in the quality of our relationships with people. They go hand in hand. As God's Words say, "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen."1 Thus, in reality, I'm no closer to God than I am to people.

Without a reasonable level of emotional maturity, it is virtually impossible to have healthy interpersonal relationships. Immaturity is without doubt a major cause of impaired relationships and failed marriages. Emotional maturity means that we will have a healthy self-concept--not thinking too highly or too lowly of ourselves. This will include a healthy sense of self-acceptance and self-worth, which will also determine how well we do in many other areas of life. If I fail to accept myself in a healthy way, it makes it extremely difficult to accept others in a healthy way. This is because the issues I reject in myself, I will automatically reject in others.

Emotional maturity also involves being in touch with all of our God-given emotions and that these are well integrated into every area of life. Unless one is connected to his or her inner-self (his/her emotions and motives), meaningful communications and intimate relationships are impossible. It also requires that, wherever possible, impaired relationships from the past are resolved, that we have forgiven all who have ever hurt us, and that all supercharged, repressed negative emotions from past experiences are resolved.

Personal responsibility. Another vital characteristic of maturity is acting responsibly and appropriately in all situations--neither overreacting nor under-reacting. People overreact when unresolved painful issues from the past are triggered and they react as if they were responding to the original hurt. People under-react when they withdraw from dealing with an issue they need to confront and resolve. Some excuse this behavior as being Christian and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. Rather, it is basically being weak, afraid, or insecure--not to mention being dishonest.

As John Powell so eloquently said, "We defend our dishonesty on the grounds that it may hurt another person and then, having rationalized our phoniness into nobility, we settle for superficial relationships."

True, "I may have been a victim in the past but if I remain a victim, I am now a willing volunteer." Acting in a mature manner means that I now accept personal responsibility for every area of life. It means that I refuse to play the blame-game. Consistently blaming someone else for the difficulties I have will cause me to B-LAME--emotionally, that is.

The reality is unless we act responsibly and admit, confront, and resolve our personal issues, we are destined to repeat past failures. It's either resolution or repetition.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am, but love me too much to leave me as I am. Please help me to see every area of immaturity in my life and, with your help, resolve and overcome these issues. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

1 John 4:20 (NIV).

Today's Encounter was written by: Richard Innes.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

ACTS International P.O. Box 73545 San Clemente, California 92673-0119 U.S.A.

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Copyright (c) 2016 by ACTS International.

When copying or forwarding include the following: "Daily Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes (c) 2016 ACTS International.

[scribbledghost]

(TW: mentions s*lf h*rm scars) hi i was wondering if you had any hc for din dating a reader with a lot of s*lf h*rm scars 🥺 i have been 6 months clean but my arms and thighs are covered in them and im very insecure abt them. i always hide them whenever im around new people bc im always scared of what they will think and like whenever someone asks me abt them in public, i just kinda freeze... if its too triggering or if you dont accept requests, thats fine!!! i love your blog sm 🥺❤️

Note: of course! Congratulations on 6 months clean, too, that’s a huge accomplishment!! 💜💜 Now, I’m gonna put a self harm cw tag on this, just in case it would be needed for anyone since I know the subject of scarring from this can be a very sensitive topic.

Din had always been very finely tuned into the importance of covering one’s skin. It was one of the core tenants of the Mandalorian way. So when you fell into his life and constantly kept your arms and legs completely covered, he never really thought much about it. It wasn’t until the two of you were on some blazingly warm desert planet that he realized something was amiss.

“You should change into something cooler,” he offered.

“...no, no, I’m fine,” you declined, pulling your sleeves down even further, “besides, you’re in full armor, and you seem to be doing okay.”

“Mandalorian armor is meant to regulate body temperatures,” he responded, “your clothes aren’t.”

“I’m fine, Din,” was all you said in response, and he didn’t push the issue any further. 

When the two of you got back to the Crest, Din was acutely aware of how you continuously fidgeted with your sleeves, as if you wanted to roll them up but couldn’t. Din took the opportunity to walk into another section, pretending that he needed to fix one of the machines there. When he walked back in, catching sight of you with your sleeves rolled up and your back to him, he froze.

Your arms were littered with scars, but not like the ones he wore himself. No, his were at odd angles and jagged, while yours were in neat lines, parallel to each other. His had been made by others. Yours appeared to have been made by yourself.

“What are those?” he asked before he could stop himself.

You froze, whirling around to him with pure fear in your eyes. All of a sudden, you yanked your sleeves back down and began to make your way past him. Din reached out a hand and caught your arm, however, stopping you in your tracks with a gentle grip.

“How... how old are they?” he asked. Had you made them while you were with him? How had he not noticed sooner?

“I...” you started softly, “I stopped six months ago.”

Din did the calculations in his head. Six months... you’d shown up around that time. So you had to have stopped either just before, or just after your arrival.

“You don’t need to be ashamed of them, you know,” he said, letting go of your arm in hopes that you’d turn to face him. To his relief, you did, although you wore a look of confusion as you did.

“For Mandalorians,” he explained, “scars mean something. All of them. They’re all signs that something tried to do you harm, and you survived. You received them, and yet you’re still alive. It’s a sign of bravery.”

“...What I did wasn’t brave,” you mumbled, averting your gaze.

“You’re still here, aren’t you?” he asked, “I can’t think of many things braver than squaring off against your own mind and coming out on top. Come here.”

Din pulled you into an embrace. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so, nor would it be the last. But he needed you to know that he understood. That he wouldn’t ever think less of you for your scars. He hoped to convey with the action that you didn’t need to hide yourself from him. That you never needed to hide from him. He hoped that you understood that, should you ever feel the need to do such harm to yourself again in the future, that you only needed to go to him, and he’d do everything in his power to protect you from yourself if need be.

Din had always been very finely tuned into the importance of covering one’s skin. But there were certainly times, ones just like these, where uncovering one’s skin turned out to be far more important.

#self harm cw #din Djarin #din djarin x reader #ghost scribbles

[animeyanderelover]

Hey can you write yandere Tooru with promo 21

Who would have thought that Tooru would be so beloved?

Warnings: Yandere themes, mental unstableness, killing, blood, violence, split personality

Prompt 21: “I don’t care if I’ll go to hell as long as I drag everybody who dares to touch you, talk to you and look at you with me!”

“I don’t care if I’ll go to hell as long as I drag everybody who dares to touch you, talk to you and look at you with me!” They had just snapped, you knew it from the way the whole atmosphere around them had just changed. It was the way all shyness had suddenly disappeared from them, the normal blush they always had on their face being completely gone. Instead this weird grin was on their face, and being put together with their quivering pupils and not even to mention the blood that was splattered all over their face and clothes made them look like a complete psychopath. The person under them, a ghoul who had tried to attack you, was by now long dead, the bloody puddle in which Mutsuki was sitting leaving no doubt about it. But that didn’t make it less shocking for you. You were used to killing ghouls, it was part of your job. But what shaken you to your bones was the way Mutsuki had killed her. You had chased after her for a while now, she had been A-rated and known under the name “Mistress”, telling everyone already what they could have imagined her like. She lured her victims with her body and looks away, flirting with them only to devour them, didn’t matter whether it was a man or a woman. She had been damn close to your district which had been the reason why you had wanted this case, fearing that your friends might get in contact with her.

So if you tried to look at it from the perspective of an investigator, you shouldn’t be angry at all. Mutsuki wouldn’t be the first crazy fellow the CCG had, you thought about a special stitched up boy who currently led his own squad, not to mention the legendary Mr. Mado. And sometimes a few crazy fellows were needed in a messed up world like this. But those two were a different kind of crazy, a good kind of crazy. But Mutsuki...You didn’t know what to think about this. You hadn’t even known that they had followed you in the first place. Weeks of tracking Misstress down, weeks of planning and taking her down had proved unnecessary. Not only that, but Mutsuki had just taken down an A-rated ghoul on their own. Sure, they had catched you both off-guard, but still. The sheer violence they had used together with the repeatedly chanted phrase they had murmured every time they had stepped her still being way too present in your way, even though it had happened just a few moments ago. “Stay away from (y/n)-sama. Stay away from (y/n)-sama. Stay away from (y/n)-sama.” And you, you had just stood there horrified, not being able to move. You-you had been afraid of one of your one people! This shouldn’t have happened, especially not since you had always supported Mutsuki since the day you had first bumped into them. But on the other hand, was this really the Mutsuki you had once known?

“(y/n)-sama.” You tensed up the moment they addressed you directly, their intense stare burning right into your heart and soul. You were afraid, you knew that from the way your heart started beating fastly against your chest and you felt sweat coating your forehead. Nothing new as a ghoul investigator, but this was a new kind of fear, a new kind of nerve wrecking situation. One with which you were faced for the first time, meaning that you didn’t know how to act and you doubted that even if you would have someone older with you, they wouldn’t have known how to handle this either. Ah yes, the fear of the unknown. “(y/n)-sama. Why are you looking so scared? I killed her. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” They slowly stood up from the corpse, revealing a bit pretty sight and you guessed that every other person would have broken out in tears, vomited or fainted by now. But as sad as it may have sounded, you were faced with this kind of view on a daily base. “Bitch.”, Mutsuki mumbled, glaring heavily at the ghoul and kicking her dead body, in your opinion completely unnecessary, but you didn’t dare to say anything. How could you when Mutsuki was clearly not in their right set of mind?

It took everything inside of you to not suddenly pull your Quinke out and hold it against them. That would be too much of a risky move and right now you didn’t want to do anything to trigger them even more. You also hoped somewhere in the back of your mind that they wouldn’t hurt you because of their undeniable crush on you. Everyone in the CCG knew, Mutsuki being a bit too obvious with it. And no matter from which perspective you tried to look at it, you also couldn’t deny that they had done this to save you. You would have never guessed how far they would really go nor how unhealthy their love really seemed to be. For them to become a completely new person...It made more the impression on you that this was an obsession. You had successfully let yourself get fooled by their timid and shy appearance, a mistake no one who killed ghouls should make. Appearance didn’t matter, damn it! Even the tiniest girl could prove to be your worst and last enemy! But you had gotten carried away, had closed your eyes because they were one of your kind, they were on your side! So why...Were they even realizing how they were acting? Probably not. The only thing on their mind now was you, you could tell from the way they were staring at you as if you would be someone higher than them, someone to admire.

With slow and somewhat wobbly steps they moved closer to you, the two knifes in their hand which they had used to kill the ghoul off still dripping with blood. They looked like a butcher. But you didn’t run, you simply couldn’t. Mutsuki was a precious person to you, someone you had sworn to keep an eye out. You had always been there for them, always encouraged them, had always cheered them up and had shown them kindness. This was your fault, you had to fix this. Their eyes never left you for once, glazing with a worrisome and also eerily amount of obsession at you. “(y/n)-sama.” They straightened up a bit when in front of you, still keeping in mind that you were a special class investigator, a job you had hardly worked for. You didn’t doubt that in this condition they could easily take that title too, but even then they would still show you the same amount of respect. You would always be higher for them. “How did I do? I did alright, right?” “...” You couldn’t believe it. Did they seriously just asked you whether they had done a good job or not? And their voice...It had shaken a bit! Not only that, but there was a certain glance of insecurity which seemed to grow with every passing second you gave them the silent treatment. Oh god, they wanted your approval. They had killed for you and now asked for your approval, for your opinion whether they did good or not.

But your shocked state where you couldn’t form any kind of words seemed to discourage them. They hunched over, pale-green hair covering their face and suddenly they bowed. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n)-sama. It was bold from me to assume that my skills would ever be able to compare to yours. Y-you’re the greatest. I apologize for interrupting your investigation. I didn’t think clearly. But I would never doubt your abilities! I know that you could handle this on your own and that I had no right to-“ Before they could continue their apology speech from which you had the feeling that it would take a while you placed a hand on their shoulder. “Tooru, stop it.” Calling them by their first name was always a good way to calm them down, they loved it when you called them by their first name. They had already tensed up the moment your hand had touched their shoulder, but the moment you called them by their first name they instantly jolted up, looking shocked, but also touched at you. You sighed a bit, looking with a somewhat conflicted expression at them. You had to make a judgement call in here. And you guessed you had already decided. “There’s no need to apologize. You just took a raising threat for this district down so don’t even think about apologizing. You did great today. I knew you had potential. So stop doubting yourself.”

Hearing you complimenting them like this caused a furious blush to form on their face, trying desperately to stutter something out in response. You chuckled a bit upon seeing this, noticing with relief that the Mutsuki you knew was back once again. You quickly took your phone out of your pocket, starting to dial the number of one of your friends in. “Would you eventually do me a favor and tell my friend here that we caught Misstress? I’m sure we can make a very useful Quinke out of her Kagune.” You handed them your phone, number already on display. By now Mutsuki couldn’t even manage to look you into your eyes for longer than a few seconds, grabbing with shaking hands your phone. “Y-yes (y/n)-sama.” Whilst they nervously started to call your friends in the CCG, you took the time to observe the dead woman closer. And you couldn’t help, but press your lips into a thin line when seeing everything from close-up. Countless stabs were visible on her, the eyes being gouged out and the lips being cut that it reminded you almost of the way Joker in Batman looked like. It didn’t throw you out of your calm, you yourself had often made quite made the mess during missions. But all of this had been done by Mutsuki...

You glanced shortly at them, the way they fumbled over their own words whilst trying desperately to make sense on the phone, explaining what had just happened. They looked like they would suffer a heart attack at any moment, making you almost feel like that you had just hallucinated all of this. But you hadn’t, one look at the ghoul being enough to tell you that all of this had been real. And that could mean problems. You bit nervously on your bottom lip, glancing again at the green-haired investigator. It would be probably a wise decision to stay away from them or report this, that would tell everyone you right now. But you didn’t. You wanted to observe this for a bit before deciding what to do. And you also knew that trying to distance yourself now from Mutsuki would be dangerous, not being able to anticipate their reaction to this. You had to stay close. Because as much as you dearly hoped that Mutsuki would never go that far, you couldn’t deny a very possible reaction that could happen one day when they would snap again. And then the next victim wouldn’t be a ghoul. No, then they would have the blood of a human on their hands and it would also be your fault. “I have to watch them. I have to keep an eye on them. Or else...”

#yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere tooru mutsuki #yandere tooru

[yehet-about-it]

I Like Me Better | 17 - Apology

~ A Wayv Social Media AU Series ~

< Prev || Series Masterlist || Next >

Synopsis: You’ve just moved into a new apartment with your best friend Yangyang, but you’re immediately faced with a problem: your incredibly noisy upstairs neighbour Xiao Dejun, or to friends, Xiaojun. You spend the first few weeks of your acquaintance hating his guts, but after a sincere apology and a fascinating revelation about his passions and motivations you slowly begin to see past his cold exterior to discover the real him. What will happen as you get closer to this troubled boy and how will those closest to you react?

Pairing: Reader x Xiaojun

Themes and Warnings: Explicit language, mild sexual content, mild violence and references to drinking/alcohol. Deals with themes of toxic masculinity, insecurity, gaslighting (sort of), and jealousy…

Disclaimer: All work is fictional, and not an accurate depiction of any real people mentioned within the story, nor is it intended to be an accurate or realistic depiction of said people.

Words: 2.2k

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“Hey.”

“Hey.” The atmosphere was awkward as you stood in the lobby of your apartment building having agreed to talk with Xiaojun. You had slipped out unnoticed by Yangyang, who would most likely be none too pleased at your willingness to spend time with the man who had inadvertently given you a bruised neck during his drunken tirade, and not in the pleasant way.

You turned left out of your building, following Xiaojun in silence until he spoke up again. “Are you okay to walk? I know it’s hot but there’s this place I know a mile or two away I thought we could go to.” You confirmed you were okay, having dressed appropriately in shorts and sneakers and sidled up to Xiaojun so you were walking side by side. You were thankful for the noise of the city as you walked, the both of you hesitant to start the conversation you knew you needed to have. “So uh.” Xiaojun chewed on his lip as he tried to find the right words to start, a habit he’d picked up over the years when he was nervous. “I really am sorry about the other night y/n. I really regret what I said, it was awful and I was drunk and- and just angry about some stuff, so I understand if you don’t like me, but I really want to make things right.” You nodded slowly, taking in his words. “Yeah, it was pretty awful… but I don’t think you’re a bad guy Xiaojun, you’re just- just kina frustrating. I think I can forgive you, but I just wanna know why you lashed out like that…” Since that day you went to his café, you had realised Xiaojun wasn’t just the stoney, cold bad boy he seemed to be on the surface; that there was a much softer and gentler side to him. When you saw his face light up at the sight of Bella, and the genuine carefree smile on his face when he held her, to the serene look on his face as he strummed on his guitar. It all told you there was something more to this boy, and you wanted to find out what. You wanted to find out why he was such a stubborn ass, when he was clearly a softie deep down. And you wanted to know why he fought with his friends so much. Xiaojun sighed deeply at your request. “Lucas,” he said grimly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “He was going on at me about… stuff. He’s one of my best friends but he can be a right jerk.” You scoffed at the irony and Xiaojun looked at you. “Yeah takes one to know one right? But you know, he’s this big ripped model and thinks he’s invincible, while I’m just this scrawny little nobody… He’s always bragging about girls and telling me how useless I am when it comes to that, and the other night he just took it too far. I guess he got in my head and I didn’t handle it well, and I took it out on you, so I’m sorry…”

Your eyes softened a little as you listened to Xiaojun rant. You never imagined that he’d be holding on to insecurities like that, let alone that one of his own best friends would be rubbing it in his face. You knew boys bantered over stuff like that, but it’s small things like that which can trigger peoples insecurities and produce some grim results, so you could understand where Xiaojun was coming from. “Oh… Lucas did mention something like that…” Xiaojun looked at you in annoyance. “Of course he did,” he grumbled. There was a pause before Xiaojun spoke again. “So, do you think you can forgive me? And I promise I’ll keep my music down or wear headphones from now on too.” You chuckled at his last statement. “Yeah, I think so. I get why you were annoyed, Lucas is a bit… much. But you shouldn’t have brought my friends into it. And next time? Maybe go a little easier on the liquor.” “Next time?” Xiaojun said playfully, his expression turning into a smirk, to which you rolled your eyes. “Yeah, sorry, I know. I promise it won’t happen again y/n.” “Well thank you, apology accepted.” A small smile played on Xiaojun’s lips as you answered, mostly out of relief, but also out of astonishment at your forgiveness. In truth, he’d been a complete and utter asshole, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if you despised him and had said you never wanted anything to do with him ever again, but mercifully, you hadn’t.

You continued the rest of your walk quietly, making small talk about how long he’d lived in Hannam, who Renjun was and so forth. Eventually you came to a small trail on a hill around the back of the infamous “Hannam The Hill” complex, that led to a small viewpoint, shrouded in trees. “Wow, I never knew this was here…” You breathed as Xiaojun led you out onto the platform, overlooking most of Seoul. “Yeah, not many people know about it. I come here when I need to think,” Xiaojun admitted leaning forwad on the wooden barrier. “It’s beautiful, you can see so much of the city…” You stopped gazing out across the city as you caught your breath from the climb. Who knew Xiaojun was the sort to come somewhere as pretty as this in his down time? Really you were humbled that he trusted you enough to bring him to such a private place for him. “Heh, yeah it’s pretty nice, especially at night. Helps me clear my head.”

You spent the next few moments in comfortable silence, appreciating the view, feeling the warm sun oon your face. You’d just closed your eyes, embracing the little bit of fresh air you were getting as a change from the usual stuffy dusty air of the city when Xiaojun spoke again. “Thank you y/n…” You blinked back at him. “For what?” You asked, puzzled. “For being so patient, and giving me another chance. Not many people do…” Your heart pounded in your chest, stunned by the moment of sincerity. “You don’t need to thank me Dejun, everyone deserves a second chance,” you said, smiling softly back at him. “I think you’ve given me more than two chances. And I really mean it. You’ve been more patient than most. I mean, you even came to see me sing at that dumb café. That… really meant a lot. My musical career hasn’t exactly taken off and at this point I’ll take all the audience I can get….” You looked Xiaojun in the eyes to respond sincerely, but saw an indescribable sadness in them that made your heart sink. “Really it mas my pleasure but… that must be hard,” you whispered. “You could say that. Doesn’t help when your dad and brother are always on your case about why you’re not getting anywhere, telling you ‘you’re wasting your life in Korea’, and that ‘if you’re still working at that coffee bar in 12 months you’re coming back to China’… Just because they’re big hotshots in the industry back home.” Here was the baggage you had been looking for. You had guessed he had more on his plate than he let on, and clearly this was it. You didn’t know why he was trusting you with all this, but you were glad he was. “Wow… That’s rough, I can’t believe they’d say that to you…” Your brows furrowed as you took in everything Xiaojun was saying, and you couldn’t help but feel sympathy towards him. “Yeah well I’ve dealt with it most of my life. The successful favorite brother. I’m just the failure. You know, your friend called me that, ‘a failed musician’…” “He did what?!” Your eyes widened at what Xiaojun had just told you. You couldn’t believe that Kun of all people would say that to him. You were definitely having words. “Heh, don’t worry I’ve been called worse, I’m used to it…” Xiaojun snorted indignantly. “No, no that’s not okay… Kun should know better…” You shook your head, genuinely feeling a little guilty. “Really its fine, it was a heat of the moment thing. And I guess after what I said on Saturday it can be forgiven…” You nodded. “Still, he shouldn’t have said that. It’s a hard industry to get into and you’re trying your best. Your voice is incredible Xiaojun, any label would be lucky to snap you up. It just takes a little more exposure, putting yourself out there, and I’m sure you’ll make it.” Xiaojun looked genuinely taken aback. “Well it’s definitely not as simple as that, but thanks.” There was a bashful smile on his face as he thanked you, seeming genuinely grateful for your compliment.

As the conversation stilled, you stood against the wooden fence of the observation deck, taking in the view of the city in silence and feeling the cool breeze trickling through your hair, providing some relief from the hot sun. Then you had a thought, as you realised there was still something you hadn’t cleared up. “By the way,” you looked up at Xiaojun, a small smirk on your face. “It’s really not like that with me and Kun…” Xiaojun looked at you quizzically. “He’s pretty much like my big brother. I’ve known him since I was in middle school. His parents are friends with mine and he went to school with my brother… I guess he’s always just looked out for me like a little sister. He looks out for all of us. So you can drop the whole sugar daddy thing.” Xiaojun snickered. “Heh yeah. Sorry about that… Guess I was just jealous,” he admitted, much to your surprise. “Oh…” you said, flushing a little and clearing your throat. “You know, I think if you two gave eachother a chance, you might get on.” You brushed Xiaojun’s comment off choosing to ignore it and work on reconciling him and Kun. Xiaojun scoffed. “I don’t think he’ll be willing to give me another chance after everything, especially that,” he said pointing to the bruise on your neck. “Well I don’t know, I have,” you shrugged. “Kun’s a good guy, he doesn’t hold grudges for long unless you really deserve it.” You paused, contemplating whether to tell Xiaojun what you were going to say next. “He’s a producer you know...” “What?” Xiaojun looked at you in surprise. “Kinda big time. He’s worked on some pretty big songs.” You knew Kun was going to be utterly mad at you for attempting to use him to help this guy, but nevertheless you wanted to try and give Xiaojun at least a little bit of hope, something positive to pull him out of his head. “Woah. Didn’t really have him down as the musical type.” “Oh really? What type did you have him down as then?” You said, playfully challenging Xiaojun to make another quip about Kun. “Honestly I don’t know. I didn’t put that much thought into it to be honest.” You both laughed, the glowing sun lighting up Xiaojun’s face as his eyes creased in genuine, happy laughter. “Well, maybe one day I can introduce you properly, he might be able to help you”. “Yeah one day. Let’s just focus on getting him to not hate me first,” Xiaojun said cynically, but with a tone of amusement in his voice.

You laughed, relieved that you could no longer feel the tension that had been between the two of you earlier, and that Xiaojun now seemed to have a genuine smile on his face. All the angst that had been clouding his aura before was now gone for the most part, and you happily enjoyed the rest of the afternoon, chatting and embracing the peace of Xiaojun’s little sanctuary. And when you got home, despite Yangyang’s nagging, you were filled with a resolve to actually make an effort with Xiaojun and get to know your mysterious neighbour.

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[speechlessxx]

Delicate. (Henry Cavill x Reader)

Summary: Following a break up, the reader finds herself in a delicate position as she contemplates if moving on is the right thing to do.

Warnings: exboyfriend!Chris Evans (he’s barely in this lol), mention of cheating, very inaccurate Chris Evans, implied famous (actress)!reader, kinda fluffy, y’all know i love taylor swift and i’m not apologetic about it, very wordy (i haven’t written a fic in like 2 weeks give me a break). this is lowkey a dumpster fire but i’m trying

This was originally a Chris fic, but since Taylor’s man is a brit, I thought it was rather fitting. 

Inspired by you guessed it Delicate – Taylor Swift

Word Count: 2.3k

AHH! My first Henry fic omg

Ko-fi - donations are appreciated but not necessary!

The night sky was a dark grey accompanied by an array of sporadic lightning followed by claps of deafening thunder. Your heels contrasted the roars of the city as they patted lightly against the concrete. Goosebumps painted your skin as the air suddenly chilled and the rain began its descent.

In a matter of minutes, you were drenched, but you paid it no mind. Despite the awful situation and the heavy storm, something told you it would be worth it. 

Your phone buzzed just as you turned the corner. You fumbled with the device, not caring if the storm ruined your clothes or your makeup. A small smile found its way onto your face as you read through the water droplets that decorated your phone screen.

Come here, you can meet me in the back.

You hurriedly but carefully ran in the rain, shrugging off your trench coat to use as a makeshift cover – not that it made much of a difference. You were still soaked.

You began to regret the heels, cursing your friends for convincing you to go to a party where you coincidentally ran into your ex-boyfriend. However, you were convinced it was no happy accident but a horribly planned ambush.

He begged for a moment of your attention, and out of respect for your short history, you obliged. Regret was perfectly painted across his features as he pulled you aside. The lines of his face accentuated his remorse and emphasized his apologies, but they fell to deaf ears. You had pulled your arm from his grip and shook your head.

“It’s over, Chris,” you told him with a steady voice. It startled him. He had expected a stormy rage like the one now in the sky. “I forgive you for cheating, but it’s… it’s over.”

It had been weeks since his scandal – one that inexplicably tarnished your own reputation – but you were over it. It felt good to say it out loud – to say it to him.

The red neon sign illuminated the darkness. The bar’s name reflected in the puddles on the street. You took a deep breath as a fluttering feeling – butterflies – erupted throughout your whole body. This feeling – the nervous tingling that triggered a rush of serotonin – was reserved for one person.

And he was right through those doors.

-=+=-

The scent of various alcoholic drinks hung in the air. Unlike the cold and stormy city, the inside of the bar was warm – it felt as if it were like a home.

The bar wasn’t crowded though it wasn’t deserted either. People were huddled in their respective groups. Despite hobbling in drenched from the storm, no one paid you any attention – something you weren’t necessarily used to, but you could definitely grow accustomed to it – though some did shoot a curious glance your way because of the door suddenly opening and closing. But it stopped at that – just a glance before turning their attention back to their company.

You cracked a smile. You understood why he chose this place. A public place filled with people who were either too drunk to care or too busy to notice you. No cameras flashing, prying eyes, judgmental stares, and whispers. It was a nice change from the overly published relationship you walked away from.

You felt his eyes on you even before you even laid eyes on him. His stare was burning as if he ignited a fire beneath you. 

You cringed, suddenly becoming insecure about the smudged makeup – you undoubtedly had mascara and eyeliner running down your cheeks due to the rain. But nevertheless, you made your way to the back of the bar, keeping your head low.

“(Y/N).” He stood, wrapping his arms tightly around you. You closed your eyes and returned the embrace, savoring the warmth. “Look at you, you’re drenched.”

Yeah and look at you, you thought. Though he wasn’t fancied up – he wore dark jeans and a pair of Nikes, inconspicuous at its finest. – he was easily one of the most handsome men you’d ever seen.

“Kinda happens when you stupidly think you can outwalk the rain,” you chided, and he chuckled in response. The rumbling of his chest vibrated through you. You were the first to pull away, but his grip around your body kept you anchored. Your body flush against his.

He frowned, tilting his head curiously. His hands moved from around you to cup your cheeks. His thumbs gently brushed away the clumped and smudged makeup that collected under your eyes. You stared up into his eyes – god, have they always been that blue?

“Henry,” you finally said, turning your head side to side to escape from his hands. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Likewise,” he nodded as if you two hadn’t seen each other in a long time (it had only been a few days). He took a step back and pulled out your seat for you just before situating himself in the stool next to yours. “So, how was that party?”

You shivered as the bar’s doors opened and closed as a group of friends wandered off into the storm. Just as the door shut, you heard a boom of thunder that rattled the building – glasses shook along with it. Henry immediately took notice and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and wrapped it around you. 

You thanked him, relishing in his cologne. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when he adjusted his seat closer to yours so he could drape one arm over your shoulder, slightly pulling you into him but not so much that you were falling out of the stool.

Warmth immediately rushed through you. You felt it rise to your cheeks. It felt as if you were radiating – glowing.

“Yeah, I really shouldn’t have went.” You admitted before smiling at the bartender and reciting your order – to which Henry added to put it on his tab. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I dragged you out to the east side. It’s the least I could do.” He dismissed. His opposite hand absentmindedly reached over and pushed a wet strand of hair behind your ear. You raised an eyebrow questioningly at him as he unabashedly admired you. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

You gaped at the compliment. It was abrupt and sudden.

Although you and Henry had fluttered around each other like moths to flames for the past several weeks that followed your breakup, neither of you had been so … open. Sure, the secret meet ups were an indication that something else lied underneath, but the sudden “you’re so beautiful” was so forthright that it startled you.

“I look like a wet dog,” you deadpanned, thanking the bartender as he brought you your drink. You carefully took a sip of the bourbon. Your hands were shaking though at this point you weren’t sure if it was because of the rain-soaked clothes or that nervous feeling gnawing at your heart.

“Wet dog, or not. You’re still beautiful.”

“You’re drunk.” You dismissed with a laugh that quickly faded when your eyes wandered to his barely touched pint. “Or not?”

His brows were drawn up. His eyes left no indication that he was even slightly buzzed – and the look on his face told you he was serious. “Why are you so hell bent on pushing me away? Unless you’re leading me on though I don’t think that’s the case. But I think I’ve been very clear that I’m interested.”

Again, his sudden outburst stunned you, forcing you to break eye contact as an embarrassed expression glazed over your face.

You weren’t stupid though. You saw the signs – his very clear signals (ones that you reciprocated though never spoke out about). You both knew that the interest was mutual, but it was a matter of taking that step – having that conversation.

But you were afraid of the backlash. Your previous relationship with Chris Evans had left fans with such a sour impression of you. The relationship was sudden – no implications, nor hints. It was purely out of the blue – tabloids describing it as “a whirlwind romance” – and it truthfully was.

You threw yourself into a relationship with what was a stranger – an actor who was charming and kind but quite the flirt – and got your heartbroken in the process. And because of your blank slate of a dating history – and you, the new blank slate in general – it was easy to paint you as the villain.

You were afraid that jumping into something serious with Henry would fan the flames of your already burning reputation. You saw how the industry portrays women – move on too slow, you’re bitter; move on too fast, you’re an easy slut.

You couldn’t win.

“Because I like you.” It was your turn to be open, to be abrupt, and honest. You took another sip. You needed an extra push – that liquid courage – to look over at him. His raised brows had now scrunched together in confusion as he tried to decipher the deeper meaning to that. “No, Hen, like really like you…”

You felt like you were in primary school again. He was that crush – that best friend you told yourself you didn’t want though it was all just blind denial. You refrained from saying “I like like you” like a child would’ve feeling as if you’d never live down that embarrassment.

“I don’t see how that could be a reason why you’re holding back?” He asked, his voice low. His eyes finally broke away from yours as he nervously glanced around the room. Only to find reassurance that everyone still was off in their own worlds – no care for the intimate conversation that you were having.

“Because I’m afraid that when everything blows up like it did with …” you didn’t bother to say his name. You both knew it anyway. “Like it did with him that … you won’t want me – “

“How would we know if you won’t give it the chance?” It was a legitimate question. One you had no answer to. “From where I stand and from what I’ve seen, we can walk through their fires, we can dodge their pitchforks – they’re witch hunt be damned.” He said, blue eyes wide and staring into yours so intensely. The speck of brown in his iris was so noticeable in this light. “I just want you. I want to be with you.”

“You say that now – “

“I’ll say it now and I’ll say it tomorrow… Then the next day, then the next.” You laughed at his corniness as he reeled his arm from your shoulders to take your hands in his, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll keep saying it until you don’t want me to say it.”

“You’re dramatic.”

He chuckled. “I’m truthful.”

“I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“How about I raise you a deal, hm? We try this out, give it a run. If it works, then it works,” he smiled and you couldn’t help but return a toothy grin. “And in the off chance that it doesn’t, then we’ll still be friends.”

“Easier said than done. What if we have a bad break up?”

Henry scoffed and rolled his eyes at your pessimism. “It won’t happen.”

“Henry – “

“I don’t plan on letting you go. So, bad break up is really off the table. What do you say?”

“Anyone tell you you’d make a decent salesman?”

“(Y/N).” His tone became jokingly stern at your attempted deflection.

“Okay, okay!” You laughed.

“Think of all the fun we can have.” Henry continued.

“On the condition, that this is all private, but seeing as you’re you, I’ll take the closest to private as we can get.” You told him. “Last relationship, I was being watched like a hawk. I don’t want that to be us.”

“I can’t make that promise. But I can promise that we can try our best. It’s doable, I’m sure, but everyone has their ways of finding out.”

“Okay.” You nodded. “We’ll give this a spin.”

“In that case, let’s head back to my hotel.”

Your eyes bulged. “Henry, buddy, let’s take it slow.” You said, emphasizing the last word.

His shoulders bounced as he began to chuckle. “I didn’t mean it in that way…” A small blush crept onto his cheeks as the both of you continued to laugh. “I meant … let’s go somewhere private.”

“Doesn’t help your case.” You laughed harder.

“Maybe it’s just your mind that’s in the gutter.”

-=+=-

The night was spent like how all your secret meetings went – laughing at one another, sharing stories and secrets. You enjoyed Henry’s company and getting to know him outside of a screen.

You two stayed up all night relishing in each other’s presence. The laughter was addicting. The happy chemicals in your brain made your cheeks sore from the smiles.

You woke up before he did. The incessant buzzing of your cell phone dragging you out from your sleep. You sent the call from your friends – who were probably wondering where you ran off to after the party – to voicemail before silencing your phone. You wanted to savor this moment – this peace – for a little while longer.

You turned in the bed and smiled to yourself. His face was laxed as he slept. Soft snores escaped him. He was truly a work of art.

You wondered if he was dreaming of you like you were of him. You wondered if his words, his confessions, whatever this would evolve into held any weight. You were always so good at knowing when someone was lying to you, so when Henry looked you in the eyes and told you he wanted to be with you, something told you to believe him – something told you to make him yours.

He suddenly shuffled, startling you once again. He swung an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. 

“Yeah, I still want you,” he muttered. 

You grinned. Maybe you won after all.

#henry cavil x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #im cheating on chris evans but again poly relationship #lowkey #chris evans x reader #delicate #the witcher imagine #superman imagine #clark kent imagine #fluff #august walker imagine

[thatfilthyanimal]

Fuck it.

It's taken me 20 years to get up the courage to talk about this publicly. It's still leaving out some details and is only ONE person's bullshit in a tangle of MANY, but this one has been the hardest to talk about that has affected me the longest.

TW's under the read-more:

(Trigger warnings for gaslighting, manipulation, abuse, power dynamics, death threats, violence, underage sex of varying levels of non-consensual, victim blaming, cheating, etc etc etc it's all bad ok?)

...Mostly because I ended up getting shamed for it early, and blamed for doing the things I did and blamed for feeling hurt, and I ended up believing I deserved and asked for it. It's taken a very, VERY long time to come to terms with that, realize I'm safe now, and agree that I wasn't to blame-- I was a fucking kid. This shit happened between 12-16. I was a kid riding off the coat-tails of my parent's divorce and dealing with the weird grooming of my older boyfriend at the time and just. It's taken a really long time to stop making excuses and forgiving shit from people who never really apologized for hurting me.

Even if they HAD apologized it wouldn't have meant shit. I've since spent the last 20-fucking-years feeling ashamed and holding back, and I'm pretty sure I'm processing some ugly PTSD lately and notttt doing good about it. Every time I tried to talk about this or think about it until more recently, I'd blank, I'd disassociate, I'd have a panic attack, I'd shut down-- I can't keep doing this.

And part of why I'm talking about it now is because one of the ONLY things that has ever helped, in all of these years, is knowing that others have gone through similar experiences. I think a post crossed my dash once? Years ago? Kids being convinced by peers they're something inhuman, and their friends using the power play aspect of that dynamic to hurt them. It's... oddly common, apparently? But I didn't know back then. I wish I'd known. I wish I'd been able to talk to ANYONE about it who could have looked at my situation and been like "dude, none of this is real and she's abusing you".

I'm 34. I'm exhausted. I want this bled out of me and I'm really really really fucking tired of it blindsiding me when I'm perfectly safe and happy. It's been ruining my life. I want it gone.

Anyway.

Here's what I wrote a couple weeks ago. This is the most coherently I've been able to get this out.

(Full transparency tho, I don't expect responses. It's heavy shit. I just. Need to let this out and try to finally move on, because it's costing me thousands in therapy and meds, costing me relationships, costing me time, costing me tears, just-- fuck, I want it OUT of me and I don't know what else to do.)

-

Me, for the last 20 years: Hahaha yeah it was dumb teenage shit, it wasn't that bad

Me, now: Oh yeah she literally threatened to kill me in my sleep for years if I upset her, and upsetting her included being mad when she'd cheat on me, sometimes right in front of me.

She convinced me I was something inhuman for YEARS. Played this huge game where she was an Alpha and could kill me at any time. I wanted to believe the person I loved, my best friend, and so I did. I wanted to believe there was more in the world than being my boring ol' self.

This meant, if she was having a bad day, it was suddenly something I unknowingly did "while asleep", and she'd yell at me, punish me by hitting me, giving me the cold shoulder for no reason, etc.

One time I talked back so she kicked my leg so hard I limped on it for weeks.

She sat there like 8 feet from me and aggressively made out with a cuter girl I didn't know she was with while everyone hollered and cheered them on, meanwhile she made excuses she couldn't even hold my hand while in school. By that point we'd been together for maybe 4 years.

Another girl excitedly told me in one of my classes once that she got a new girlfriend, and I was like, oh! neat! who?

And then she said my girlfriend's name.

I had to tell this girl she was already being lied to because -I- was with her. She'd never been told.

She tricked me into thinking another random stranger was inhuman "like us" and she egged me on, and I gave this random dude blowjobs for over a year thinking he was secretly my "mate" in another realm. We "weren't allowed to discuss it", she said. Meanwhile this guy used me.

Neither her nor this stranger ever attempted to return the sexual attention. Not for my pleasure, at least. I felt untouchable, and I felt like I was only good for others if I was doing something for them.

This has led to me having a lot of sex I wasn't interested in, over the last 20 years. I'm grey asexual, probably. Didn't know until I met my asexual partner.

Sex is finally enjoyable because I don't feel like it's all I'm good for. But I still fall back to it when insecure.

She told her lies to my boyfriend at the time, but only after I called her crying because me and my "mate" met up after school in the woods to fuck, which ended up not happening because I panicked. Thankfully, he wasn't a rapist. But he also wasn't there to be a loving partner.

Had he been a caring partner, and patient with my nerves, I would have absolutely let him do it.

Welcome to the scenario where we consented (but I really didn't, because I thought he was someone else) and no one believed I was molested when I'd tell them.

"But you wanted it."

(I didn't want to press charges on him-- he didn't actually do anything wrong. He didn't know what was going on, and maybe he should have communicated better with me, sure, but I forgave him.

For this, people assumed I was telling them for attention and pity points.)

My boyfriend, blindsided by everything and understandably upset, woke me crying because, hey, what the fuck, I had been cheating on him. I asked who he heard that from, and he mentioned her. Of course, she failed to mention her manipulation bullshit or the inhuman stuff.

Because, why should she be responsible for her manipulation and lying to me for years? Why should she be responsible for the guy she encouraged me to sleep with?

My boyfriend forgave it and we moved on. I slowly distanced from her and realized how much she'd been lying.

I'm fully aware it wasn't okay and she was being manipulative and cruel. I'm fully aware I'm safe now and that normal people don't approach relationships like that. It doesn't stop the knee-jerk reaction to panic when AFAB people show me affection.

#personal #PLEASE double check the trigger warnings #ok to rb if you have something to say but #yknow be gentle

[tiaragqueen]

For The Sake Of You

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Kim Taehyung x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,6k+

✂ Trigger Warnings: Possessiveness, implied obsessiveness

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission.

[Edited]

***

This is quite a sensitive subject, so I apologize if I accidentally offended anyone. Your body is beautiful just the way it is.

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“I hope very soon you'll see all the love I have (for you) I've been holding some inside, 'cause I thought it was too much (for you).” - I’ll Do Anything For You [Denroy Morgan]

“Do I… really look fat?” you mused as you stood in front of the mirror, shirt lifted slightly to reveal your stomach. You knew that compared to the lean girls you often saw in your school – or anywhere else, really – you had a bit of fat. And you knew that in a country where it prized slender and pale figure, a chubby body was often looked down upon as though it was the ugliest thing anyone had ever seen.

It was hard to stay optimistic. You weren’t oblivious to the sneers and dirty glances, by any means, nor were you dumb enough to not notice the reluctant smiles the girls wore every time they invited you to their sports groups.

You’d tried to ignore it, though, thinking that it’d pass. There was no way everyone would suffer forever, right? At least, that was what those quotes on the internet told you. You didn’t want to burden yourself more with their snide remarks, the countless homework and projects had done their job already. But you couldn’t stay impervious now, can you? There was only so much you could stomach, so many bitter pills to swallow, and your growing insecurity didn’t help you in the slightest.

You could only pray for a good tomorrow and for those people to stop mocking you, but even that wasn’t enough.

Because you knew they wouldn’t stop, as painful as it was to admit it. As long as you still had this body, they wouldn’t cease to nitpick every single thing from you.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

And yet, the school’s heartthrob, Kim Taehyung, always went out of his way to approach you. You didn’t know why he did that, not when there were other prettier and richer girls striving for his attention. Not to mention, he had this strange tendency to call you pet names as if you were dating each other. You remembered being uncomfortable and pleaded him to stop in fear of people picking up the – in your eyes – nonexistent signs and got the wrong idea. You didn’t think you could bear any more insults from them.

Taehyung had chuckled then, promising that he wouldn’t call you affectionately in front of other students ever again. And you’d sighed in relief and thanked him for his consideration, thinking that you’d finally solved a problem before it could grow out of hand.

It didn’t. Well, not exactly. Taehyung seemed to be more doting in private, often dropping by your house and buying your favorite food despite your protests. Sometimes he invited you to go out, his cute grin weakening your resolve. You wondered if he knew the effect on you, or if he purposefully used that against you. It wasn’t as though he was blind to his admirers groveling him at pretty much every opportunity, and yet, he didn’t look like he was actively enjoying the attention, either. He kept his gaze solely on you, even in a crowded place.

It was like he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you no matter what. Regardless of your attempts to deter him, he always ‘rebounded’ faster and showered you with more affection than usual. You’d learned that it’d be good, and wise, to let him do whatever he wanted because you couldn’t handle his onslaught of love without dying from blood loss.

And, surprisingly, he took great care of yourself too. Sometimes, you even suspected him treating you like fragile glass. It was weird, in a slightly flattering way, because some boys treated you rather roughly due to your size. They thought that you’d be okay without ever noticing, nor would they care much about your feelings. You didn’t know if you should be grateful or weirded out with the new, and honestly pleasant, situation.

You swiftly pulled down your shirt and turned around, grinning like a child being caught red-handed by their parents. You forgot that he liked to have a sleepover at your house on weekends because his own house was too ‘quiet and lonely’. Your parents were fond of him and wasted no time in preparing the guest room, wanting to please their ‘son’. Though, with how often he slept here, it might as well be his room now. Whenever you asked his reason, he’d either deflect it or say that his parents didn’t pay him enough attention like yours did. Both of them didn’t convince you in the slightest, but you eventually dropped it. Besides, he was a good guest and you and your parents had no complaint regarding his presence.

You hadn’t paused to think about his ‘infallible charm’ that people often mentioned, though.

“Taehyung, w-what are you doing in my room?” You shakily turned the attention back to him, hoping that it wouldn’t provoke his suspicion even further. He was unconvinced, however, and frowned.

“I’ve been calling you to watch the TV with me. Didn’t you hear?” He gave you no chance to respond and merely stepped forward. “No, of course, you didn’t hear. Someone has been messing with your mind too much lately, am I right?”

You supposed there was no use in hiding from him. Taehyung could be awfully perceptive if he wanted to, especially if it involved you. Perhaps it was the reason why your parents trusted him so much because they felt like he could ‘protect’ you when they weren’t able to.

“I-it’s nothing!” You waved your hands frantically like it’d deter him from cornering you against the mirror. “I-I was just… looking at my stomach, see if I can… improve a bit.”

He cocked his head, looking more and more displeased with your pitiful responses. “Improve or change?” He framed the question like it was rhetorical, and you knew he got you there. Very soon, he was merely inches away from your trembling body. Warm breath fanned your head as he raised a hand to touch your cheek. You flinched, and that was enough to freeze him temporarily. “Tell me who they are. I’ll make sure they regret ever mocking you.”

You snapped your head towards him, face blanched upon seeing the cold fury that clung like ice to his visage. Why did he look so angry? Did your insecurity affect him that much? You thought you were the only one who had been suffering silently but turned out, he was in no better position than yourself. It felt… weird and enlightening to know that someone cared about you, discounting the implication of his ‘demand’.

Was this what having a friend felt like? Someone who noticed your pain and determined to work it out? If so, then you were fully grateful for his existence.

“No, no, don’t do that. It’s… it’s bad, okay? Just drop it, I’ll be fine.” You smiled up to him, trying to alleviate his indignation and weaken the resolve behind those frigid eyes. “Besides, we’ll graduate soon, anyway. So there’s no need to pick a fight with anyone.”

However, Taehyung merely shook his head stubbornly. “No, this has been happening for too long. You fake a smile to me and say that everything’s fine, but I know that you’re suffering. It’s obvious that you want to cry, and every time I console you, you always push me away.” A slow, understanding smile stretched his lips. “But I understand now. You don’t want me to comfort you because you want me to solve it instead, isn’t that right, [Name]?”

“W-what? No! It’s really nothing, Taehyung. I–” A swift glare from him managed to root you on the spot. Sensing no way out – it was too late now, you should’ve known something like this would happen soon – you sighed. “It’s just the girls, and yeah, their words kinda hurt me. But you won’t hurt them, right? Please don’t do anything drastic.”

Taehyung regarded you for a moment. “… It depends.”

“Taehyung, please.” You grabbed his arms before he could withdraw them, voice teetering the fine line of desperation and assertion. You didn’t know how strong he was, or how far he’d take his ‘promise’, but the thought of anyone being hurt made you sick. “Please don’t be so rash. If anyone finds out, you could get expelled!”

“I don’t really care about that,” he replied emotionlessly, much to your astonishment. “As long as you exist, I’m willing to do anything for you.”

You gaped at him. Somehow, the determination behind those words managed to make you sicker than you thought possible. You knew you should’ve been flattered, instead. Nobody would take the time to help you, especially when it involved something as ‘trivial’ as your insecurity. Even your parents couldn’t do much with your predicament, believing that everything would be okay as time passed.

Yet, here he was, proclaiming his ‘service’ to you. And with such a resolute face, too.

Perceiving the fear on your dumbfounded visage, Taehyung smiled amicably and reached out to pat your head. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt them,” he said softly, a reassurance that sounded hollow in your ears.

And true to his words, the girls no longer bullied you. In fact, you didn’t see their faces all day. Other students knew better than to tease you now, or else they’d suffer a vicious glower from the one and only heartthrob.

When you questioned Taehyung about this, he merely beamed and slung an arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to his. You noticed that aside from some curious glances, nobody dared to speak up against the blatant affection.

“They’re far from us now, I made sure of it.” he chirped, smiling down at your concerned expression. "So don't worry your pretty little head, okay? Everything will be fine now."

#yandere scenario #yandere imagine #yandere oneshot #bts yandere #yandere bts au #yandere bts imagine #yandere bts scenario #yandere bts #yandere bangtan #bts yandere au #yandere taehyung x reader #yandere taehyung #yandere kim taehyung x reader #yandere kim taehyung #omgsuperstag #yandere kpop scenario #yandere kpop story #yandere kpop imagine #kpop yandere #yandere kpop #kpop yandere scenario #kpop yandere imagine #kpop yandere au #yandere request #request

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𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Bullying and Abuse, Slight Cussing, Depression and Anxiety 

Contains: FLUFF AND ANGST

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Asperger’s! Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

Summary: (Y/N) a 13 year old girl goes to her first day in high school. Despite the hard attempts and making friends because of her socially awkwardness she finds herself distracted by a certain boy in her class. (Note: This isn’t made for discrimination or stereotypes to people who go through anxiety, depression or have autism. This is all real stuff and written for the sake of notice and to betaken seriously. I won’t be portraying any kind of offensive or critical stereotypes nor will ever in this one-shot. This was based on personal experience and point of view. IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND ARE TRIGGERED BY THESE SAME THEMES. PLEASE DO NOT READ FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. AND IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EITHER ONE, PLEASE FIND SUPPORT OR HELP, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU DONT THINK SO WE ARE. WE WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH IT, AND IN THE END IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT💕 )

𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩: @metalheartofgold, @ginny-rose-sixx, @xxqueencolourxx​, @littlemisscare-all​,

💕 LOVE YOU GUYS AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA GET TAGGED  💕 

Keys:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

{Photos and gifs aren’t mine they belong to their owners. I only own the editing} 💕

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 1971

“Mommy, what if the other kids don’t like me or hate me.....”, I managed to utter out as I looked at her through a glimpse as I looked down at my shoes, while sitting on the stool near the counter. 

“Oh Honey, don’t say that, you know that’s not true.”, Mom said in a cheery voice as she was working on breakfast listening to me as she did,” Some of those kids will like you. Might even want to be your friend.”

I looked up at my mom only glancing at her back as she was stirring the ingredients in a bowl, my attitude and mood not changing from its gloom state as I heard those positive words, as it should.’ Is she only saying that to make me feel better?’ I thought in my head as I felt a bit angry at the thought, a bit happy too that she cared, though it didn’t change my idea of it nonetheless. 

......

......

......

“They think I’m a freak and a monster.....”, I said suddenly without emotion my voice breaking a bit as I felt tears building up a bit on my eyes at the idea of it, trying my best not let them crawl and trace down my cheeks as I didn’t want her to see me cry.

My mom then turned around from what she was doing in the kitchen towards me her eyes widening at what I said, almost dropping the pan she was holding that held a small stack of pancakes, as she heard those sharp and painful words out of my mouth. She gulped slightly making me quirk an eyebrow, waiting for a response and obviously worried and confused for her silence, feeling insecure as I awaited her answer. She then put the pan down and walked towards me kneeling down unto my level as I tried my best to dry roughly at the tears. Only for her to gently push them away from my face and take her soft and delicate hands and brush the tears away with her fingertips as she grabbed my face gingerly, her eyes filled with concern as she did.

“You are not a freak or a monster....Ok. and definitely not a monster.”, My mom corrected me sincerely as she said in a whispering tone to me letting her forehead connect with mine as her gaze met mine.” You are just different from the rest of the other kids.”

“You are special.”, She said as she kissed my forehead, embracing me as she did, returning the hug it a few moments later as I registered the action in my brain. Letting my arms wrap around her for warmth and comfort, as I left the few remaining tears drop unto her clothed shoulder, cursing myself for it.

......

......

......

“Yeah Right.”, I muttered under my breath sarcastically as I replayed the events from this morning. Holding a pen and flicking it repeatedly, as I felt my anxious state grow with every step I took towards what was now called my school, trying to take my stress away roughly at the writing utensil gripped tightly at my hand as I repeated the process. This was a soothing technique for me for whenever I felt overly stressed or anxious in a situation. Despite the annoying sound it would do, I couldn’t help but feel calm and relief wash over me as I felt the tensing energy leave my body, easing my breathing, nerves, and muscles. I then stopped as I calmed down putting the pen on my pocket as I released a sigh, gripping my bag tightly.

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This wasn’t the first time my mother has said or used the word special in those exact occasions. To be honest there was nothing special about me. This wasn’t my first school that I was attending either. I’ve been to many, and seen many faces from kids my age and younger to teachers and parents. Despite their differences they have one thing in common when it came to me. They all gave me the same look. Whether it was pitiful or dirty it didn’t matter. All the different kids from different schools gave me that same stupid and meaningless face. At first I thought it was because I was new to them, but then I started to quickly realize it wasn’t just that.....I was a shy girl so I never really understood at that time. All those times I would try to talk to people or waiting for them to approach me as I sat alone calmly doing my work....Being friendly and confident as possible as I greeted them with the best and nicest smile I could muster on my young face...They never responded back they simply whispered something to another kid and simply left me standing there stranded as they went to play with the other kids... Avoiding me entirely even when I went to speak with them again....Sometimes I tried asking the kids if I could play but they would either ignore me and walk away or say that It wasn’t a game for me to play......

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Was I not suppose to talk to them?”

“Why aren’t they talking to me?”

Those were some of the thoughts I had, but I knew those weren’t the exact reasons, knowing fully well I wasn’t bad when it came to speech or greetings when I talked to other people. The teachers blamed me for it of course, when I asked them why the other kids avoided me.

“Maybe if you weren’t and acted like such a freak, they would be talking to you.”, One Teacher I remembered bitterly saying to me with the fakest smile as she then turned her back towards me walking away from my small frame not caring whether those words struck my small heart or tear up and cry.

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I shook my head and decided to think of something else as my sneakers grazed the cement floor on the sidewalk. I then looked towards the sky seeing the sun shinning and the pure white clouds forming picturesque structures as they floated above. ‘I wonder if there is any people living in those fluffy clouds?’, I thought with a smile,’ Is there such a thing as cloud puppies too!?’ 

I giggled a bit as I thought about what a cloud puppy would look like. Sort of like a poodle or    but more fluffier and soft fur like marshmallows and cotton candy combined.  “Are clouds tasty?”, I whispered out loud as I kept staring at the edible-looking clouds, ‘They do look a lot like cotton candy....so maybe.’

I then starred at my feet laughing at the thought, only for then to look up and noticed that I was already in front of the school.

I gulped as I was frozen in place.

“Here goes nothing”, I said to myself a bit nervously as I let my feet drag slowly towards the horrors of what was now officially called my school.

Walking towards the doors of the school, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of nausea hit me, totally uncomfortable on how all of this was going to go. After I enter the entrance to the school through the double doors I couldn’t help but notice one unnormal thing.

Empty halls.

‘Weird.’, I thought in my head with a raised eyebrow.,’ I thought it would be crowded by this time.’

Reading the letters on top of the doors, I checked to see my assigned class as I looked at each one on both sides of me in the empty halls. Seeing the exact one I enter it only for then to see a crowd of unfamiliar faces turned all of their heads in sync towards me.

I then closed it behind me with a jitter in my hands as I felt belittled by all the beady eyes of the students that were staring at me while sitting in there sits.

“Mrs.(Y/N), You’re late!”, A female voice said harshly next to me.

I then turned towards the origin of the voice to my right, seeing it was a middle aged woman with long hair that was tied up into a bun and was wearing glasses underneath her brown caramel eyes. Her faced was adorned with makeup and an angry scowl in her face as her eyes met mine, obviously unhappy and pissed.

“Care to explain why?.”, She said in a dominant tone, and with stern eyes as she crossed her arms across her chest and her heels clicked underneath the marble floor of the classroom as she tapped her foot impatiently.

“I-i....”, I started with a stammer and whisper obviously nervous and uneasy about all of the students who were staring at me in the front of the class.,”I-im sorry..”

‘Way to go me....’, I thought sarcastically at myself as I said those words.

The teacher squinted her eyes with a humph, only to then close them. Then as if on cue....

An erupting choir of laughter resounded in the entirety of the room in sync as all of the kids started to laugh at me. In that moment I felt humiliated and irritated,  I wanted to just throw myself in a box and at the same time tell the kids to shove their mouths up their own asses to shut them up. But I felt completely vulnerable at the moment unknowing of what to say. as I felt small....

‘So much for good impressions.’, I thought in defeat as I looked down at the floor.

“Quiet down class, quiet down!”, The teacher said as she stared at room full of teens as they all kept quiet some of them still snickering softly, or trying to control the laughter that was still trying to emit from their lips.

“I’ll let you off with a warning since you did apologize, after all. The next time though I won’t and you will be sent to the principal’s office as punishment if this repeats. Understood.”, She said a bit more warmly still keeping a strict poise as she turned towards me.

I nodded slowly of course as I listen to her words looking down a bit ashamedly as I did.” Yes Mrs....”

“Mrs. Johnson.”, She said with a small smile and then she gestured towards the empty seat,” You can go ahead and sit next to Frank over there in the back.”

I then followed her arm towards were she was exactly pointing and to my thoughts, there was a boy with an orange pale button up shirt in the far back right next to were my assigned seat was, looking and snapping his thoughts towards the teacher as he heard his name from the teacher’s mouth. I gulped ‘Why the far back?’ I then looked towards the front row and saw the whole aisle filled students already, ‘Oh that’s why...’

Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards through the rows of filled seats, hearing whispers or name-callings as I walked past them towards my seat. Of course I glared at the students a bit in front of me while also trying to put a fake smile for them as I tried my best to ignore their harsh and childish remarks. As I reached the desk, I couldn’t help but notice the “Frank” boy from earlier stare at me from the corner of my eyes as I sat beside him, knowing that he wasn’t in the beginning until he heard his name being called. His bright green eyes observing me as I put my backpack close to my side and slumped into my seat. I then saw as the boy stared for a few seconds at me more before looking away from me in boredom just like a few minutes earlier. 

As he looked away, I couldn’t help but stare at him as I got good look at him clearly compared to when I was in the front of the class. “Frank” had brown blondish hair that was a bit long and slicked back neatly, green and slightly dark eyes as the color of leaves in the trees during springs or summer as they stared boredly away as one hand was held towards his cheek, leaning his elbow against and touching the table on his desk propping his head up, wearing his orange pale button up shirt and white pants, along with some sneakers. 

“Cute.”, I whispered a bit too loudly as I stared at him my cheeks dusting with a violent red as I realized what words fell from  my mouth. Frank being near me ,considering he was beside me and the whole class was quiet at the moment, turned his head to me as he heard what I said with a confused face, either not catching what I just heard or uncomfortable with what I said from my understanding. I then stared to the front away from him, my shoulders tense, my face completely red, and my heart beating out as if it were to rip away from my ribcage and body. I breathed steadily and sighed, as I felt his stare drift away as he huffed a bit going back to his usual stuff to staring at nothing. ‘Geez, what are you thinking girl.....’, I scolded at myself with a mental facepalm,’ You already messed it up with coming late, now your making it worse by telling a boy he is cute....Ugh, at least I hope he didn’t hear me.’

The teacher started lesson as if a few minutes prior and after the incident. Staring mindlessly at the chalkboard, I couldn’t help but feel a bit tired and suddenly....bored as I tuned out the teachers words. ‘School sucks.’, I thought for a moment before a lightbulb suddenly went above my head with a silent yawn,’ I’m gonna draw.’

I then took my separate drawing pad, pen and pencil, while flipping to and empty page. I then started to work my magic as I began to doodle what was on my mind as ideas spurred through my brain. I was pondering on what to draw as I held the pen close to my chin. I had a great influence and overall interest in music, I loved it so much especially when it came to rock music. Because of that, I wanted to become a musician or songwriter one day. I then thought about drawing puppies or rockstars.....

I then did just that as I drew cute little doodles of puppies along with a rockstar sketch of my favorite musician. As I kept listening at the teacher to the class while also distracting myself with some quality time for me, I noticed something soft yet solid grazing shoulder slightly, landing at next to my feet on the floor. It was a crumbled up piece of paper that was made into a ball. Rolling my eyes, I didn’t think any of it as I kept tracing my pen on the paper. 

‘Psst. Hey.’ 

Fixated on the paper I kept on drawing cute little stars and details on the drawing oblivious to the person that was calling someone else, whoever did. 

‘Psst!’

This time it was a bit more louder but still made into a whisper as I didn’t bother to check who it was that made the noise.

I then felt another hard thud on my shoulder this time still soft but harsh as the solid material hit me directly. Leaving my eyes from the paper as I had an angry frown in my face obviously annoyed at the person who threw the paper at me, I looked towards the person who made the ‘psst’ sound again only to see that it was the so called ‘Frank’ boy from earlier. 

He then gestured towards the crumbled sheet of paper in front of my desk. I narrowed my brows at him, with suspicion but complied either way so he could stop bothering me, despite the fact he seemed friendly. Grabbing the crumbled sheet, I heard the sound of the bell ringing before I could open it. The class was then dismissed but before I could read the note that the boy passed to me. I felt a harsh shove as I fell back on the seat causing the note to fall from my hands and into the floor, nobody noticing as they let their dirty shoes graze and paint the paper. Seeing that everyone left including the person that shoved me by accident, I went to pick up the note from the ground only to see that it was indeed painted with shoe prints and ripped in half harshly. ‘Ugh...’ I groaned in disgust as I went to the trash to throw it away,’ I hope it wasn’t something important that I needed to know.’

I then looked towards the back of the class were Frank was, only to find out he wasn’t there anymore. Frowning a bit at the thought as I was hoping maybe I could talk to him, I went towards were all the students were going....probably the cafeteria..

‘Maybe I’ll see him there’, I thought lightening up a bit with a smile.”

‘We’ll even be friends probably....”

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{AUTHORS NOTE}

Hey there I hope you all enjoyed this little miniseries I’m doing. The reason I made this was because of personal experience in my early years in high school, and I felt I had to write them down. I also wondered how it will be like if Sixx to ever meet a girl with autism. I’ll be uploading part two as soon as I can of course .hope you liked it and Thank you for reading.

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