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faintingheroine · 3 years

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Wuthering Heights Reread - Chapter 3

This chapter is a bit overwhelming, since it is the chapter that is comprised of the most diverse parts and has the iconic ghost scene, but I will try my best.

“While leading the way upstairs, she recommended that I should hide the candle, and not make a noise; for her master had an odd notion about the chamber she would put me in, and never let anybody lodge there willingly. I asked the reason. She did not know, she answered: she had only lived there a year or two; and they had so many queer goings on, she could not begin to be curious.”

Heathcliff has forbidden people to lodge in Catherine’s room, which is unsurprising since it is more or less kept as it was during her childhood.

Zillah has been at the Heights for a couple of years since she had taken the job from the unnamed housekeeper who left a couple of years after Linton’s coming to the area. Zillah claims to be incurious about the goings on at the Heights which does fit her apathetic character but which raises the question of whether she had let Lockwood to lodge in the room solely for the sake of charity as this would imply or she was curious about the haunted room.

“Too stupefied to be curious myself, I fastened my door and glanced round for the bed. The whole furniture consisted of a chair, a clothes-press, and a large oak case, with squares cut out near the top resembling coach windows. Having approached this structure, I looked inside, and perceived it to be a singular sort of old-fashioned couch, very conveniently designed to obviate the necessity for every member of the family having a room to himself. In fact, it formed a little closet, and the ledge of a window, which it enclosed, served as a table. I slid back the panelled sides, got in with my light, pulled them together again, and felt secure against the vigilance of Heathcliff, and every one else.”

I was able to properly visualize the oak-paneled bed for the first time in this reading. Apparently this type of box-beds were fairly popular in Northern Europe to keep one warm during the cold winter, but here the bed encloses the window which might defeat this purpose.

This bed is the symbol of Catherine’s childhood and Catherine and Heathcliff’s connection within the story. Its solitary state and it enclosing the window may symbolize them having no one but each other and the outside world. It also resembles them lying in a coffin together which is effectively what happens at the end.

“The ledge, where I placed my candle, had a few mildewed books piled up in one corner; and it was covered with writing scratched on the paint. This writing, however, was nothing but a name repeated in all kinds of characters, large and small—Catherine Earnshaw, here and there varied to Catherine Heathcliff, and then again to Catherine Linton.”

These carvings basically both summarize and prophesy the story. Earnshaw-Heathcliff-Linton is Catherine’s life story, the reverse - Linton-Heathcliff-Earnshaw - will be her daughter’s, the potential “Catherine Heathcliff” actually being realized through Heathcliff’s own machinations. Only in Wuthering Heights a teenage girl experimenting with her potential husbands’ surnames can have a prophetic, almost mythical significance.

“It was a Testament, in lean type, and smelling dreadfully musty: a fly-leaf bore the inscription ‘Catherine Earnshaw, her book,’ and a date some quarter of a century back.”

“Quarter of a century” is most likely close to the truth. Catherine’s diary entry that is featured in the text must be from November 1777, 24 years almost to the month before Lockwood reading it in 1801.

“Some were detached sentences; other parts took the form of a regular diary, scrawled in an unformed, childish hand. At the top of an extra page (quite a treasure, probably, when first lighted on) I was greatly amused to behold an excellent caricature of my friend Joseph—rudely, yet powerfully sketched. An immediate interest kindled within me for the unknown Catherine, and I began forthwith to decipher her faded hieroglyphics.”

Catherine is characterful and rebellious even in her first introduction. She is also effectively portrayed as an antagonist of Joseph.

Note the use of “hieroglyphics”, Catherine’s childhood memories are given the status of something mysterious and important, just like with the carvings. I love this.

“‘An awful Sunday,’ commenced the paragraph beneath. ‘I wish my father were back again. Hindley is a detestable substitute—his conduct to Heathcliff is atrocious—H. and I are going to rebel—we took our initiatory step this evening.”

We first hear Catherine through her own voice which is significant. She is thoroughly sympathetic in this anecdote, acting like a typical tomboyish character except for her harming the religious book given to her by Joseph. She is thoroughly empathetic and caring towards Heathcliff, and I don’t think that this should necessarily be negated through her narcissistic identification with him. They have a beautiful friendship and they are each other’s only allies in a loveless and cold household.

“All day had been flooding with rain; we could not go to church, so Joseph must needs get up a congregation in the garret; and, while Hindley and his wife basked downstairs before a comfortable fire—doing anything but reading their Bibles, I’ll answer for it—Heathcliff, myself, and the unhappy ploughboy were commanded to take our prayer-books, and mount: we were ranged in a row, on a sack of corn, groaning and shivering, and hoping that Joseph would shiver too, so that he might give us a short homily for his own sake. A vain idea! The service lasted precisely three hours; and yet my brother had the face to exclaim, when he saw us descending, “What, done already?” On Sunday evenings we used to be permitted to play, if we did not make much noise; now a mere titter is sufficient to send us into corners.”

Lockwood’s religious dream about Jabez Branderham is clearly influenced by him reading this. In this reread I really noticed how much Lockwood’s two dreams are a consequence of what he read in Catherine’s diary.

Mr. Earnshaw was known to be quite religious, but he did let the children play on Sundays. We must remember that Heathcliff was his favorite though, I am not sure if he would let that if it were Catherine only.

Hindley’s first line is actually “What, done already?” rather than what I posited it to be here. I was mistaken. Still the diary entry introduces us to Hindley’s character and this introduction reflects his character and his role in the story pretty efficiently. He is a tyrant but a fairly incompetent one.

“You forget you have a master here,” says the tyrant. “I’ll demolish the first who puts me out of temper! I insist on perfect sobriety and silence. Oh, boy! was that you? Frances darling, pull his hair as you go by: I heard him snap his fingers.” Frances pulled his hair heartily, and then went and seated herself on her husband’s knee, and there they were, like two babies, kissing and talking nonsense by the hour—foolish palaver that we should be ashamed of. We made ourselves as snug as our means allowed in the arch of the dresser. I had just fastened our pinafores together, and hung them up for a curtain, when in comes Joseph, on an errand from the stables.”

Hindley insisting on perfect sobriety and silence is clearly ironic.

Hindley and his wife’s relationship is clearly portrayed as sexual here. Hindley doesn’t actually care about Catherine and Heathcliff’s religious education, he just wants to be alone with his wife. Catherine and Heathcliff are disgusted by this display of affection which is fairly normal considering their ages.

Catherine and Heathcliff isolating themselves does resemble the isolation of the oak bed.

““Maister Hindley!” shouted our chaplain. “Maister, coom hither! Miss Cathy’s riven th’ back off ‘Th’ Helmet o’ Salvation,’ un’ Heathcliff’s pawsed his fit into t’ first part o’ ‘T’ Brooad Way to Destruction!’ It’s fair flaysome that ye let ’em go on this gait. Ech! th’ owd man wad ha’ laced ’em properly—but he’s goan!””

I love the books’ names, especially “The Broad Way to Destruction” being the name of Heathcliff’s book. If Wuthering Heights is ever adapted as a Kill Bill style duology, let the first film be named “The Broad Way to Destruction” and the second “The Helmet of Salvation”.

Catherine remembers her father as better than Hindley, but here Joseph praises how he was physically violent to the children. This is a reflection of how Catherine’s nostalgic view of the past may be better than the way things actually were, as it always is with nostalgia.

“‘Hindley hurried up from his paradise on the hearth, and seizing one of us by the collar, and the other by the arm, hurled both into the back-kitchen;”

Graeme Tytler notes how the kitchen is the place of punishment or the residence of the servants, but also the most resilient part of the house; a lot of significant events happen in the kitchens of WH and TG, and the kitchen is the only part of Wuthering Heights that will not be shut down after Cathy and Hareton’s marriage.

“I reached this book, and a pot of ink from a shelf, and pushed the house-door ajar to give me light, and I have got the time on with writing for twenty minutes; but my companion is impatient, and proposes that we should appropriate the dairywoman’s cloak, and have a scamper on the moors, under its shelter. A pleasant suggestion—and then, if the surly old man come in, he may believe his prophecy verified—we cannot be damper, or colder, in the rain than we are here.’

I suppose Catherine fulfilled her project, for the next sentence took up another subject: she waxed lachrymose.

‘How little did I dream that Hindley would ever make me cry so!’ she wrote. ‘My head aches, till I cannot keep it on the pillow; and still I can’t give over. Poor Heathcliff! Hindley calls him a vagabond, and won’t let him sit with us, nor eat with us any more; and, he says, he and I must not play together, and threatens to turn him out of the house if we break his orders. He has been blaming our father (how dared he?) for treating H. too liberally; and swears he will reduce him to his right place—’”

An important question is whether this scamper on the moors is the same one as their fateful visit to the Grange. There are many indications of them being one and the same. They both feature the dairywoman’s cloak, they are both on a Sunday, they both happen after the children are banished from the sitting room, and they both lead to a difference in the situation of Catherine and Heathcliff’s friendship. But on the other hand Nelly presents Heathcliff’s demotion as happening before their visit to the Grange. I don’t know. It probably is the same incident since the Grange incident is arguably the most pivotal event in the book and it would be fitting if this were the anecdote that Lockwood read before his encounter with the ghost. And there are many details pointing to them being the same incident. But it is still debatable.

“we cannot be damper, or colder, in the rain than we are here.’” - This is heartbreaking and points to why Heathcliff and Catherine had connected so much with the moors. The “inside” didn’t have a place for them.

What I like about this diary entry is that apart from the possible relation to the Grange incident there is nothing extraordinary or exceptional about it in the context of the book. It is probably a typical day at Wuthering Heights. It probably sounds familiar to people who were raised in an oppressive and abusive household.

“Alas, for the effects of bad tea and bad temper! What else could it be that made me pass such a terrible night? I don’t remember another that I can at all compare with it since I was capable of suffering.”

I just like the “bad tea and bad temper”.

“I began to dream, almost before I ceased to be sensible of my locality. I thought it was morning; and I had set out on my way home, with Joseph for a guide. The snow lay yards deep in our road; and, as we floundered on, my companion wearied me with constant reproaches that I had not brought a pilgrim’s staff: telling me that I could never get into the house without one, and boastfully flourishing a heavy-headed cudgel, which I understood to be so denominated. For a moment I considered it absurd that I should need such a weapon to gain admittance into my own residence. Then a new idea flashed across me. I was not going there: we were journeying to hear the famous Jabez Branderham preach, from the text ‘Seventy Times Seven;’ and either Joseph, the preacher, or I had committed the ‘First of the Seventy-First,’ and were to be publicly exposed and excommunicated.”

I think this is a very well-written account of how dreams work. Especially the first sentence of the paragraph, yes sometimes one dreams while also being half-awake and still half-aware of one’s surroundings. And the way he rationalizes the illogical stuff in his dream and directs the course of the dream according to that rationalization is great. The portrayal of dreams in the novel is ahead of its time.

“We came to the chapel. I have passed it really in my walks, twice or thrice; it lies in a hollow, between two hills: an elevated hollow, near a swamp, whose peaty moisture is said to answer all the purposes of embalming on the few corpses deposited there.”

And here, my friends, is why Catherine’s corpse didn’t decay. No, Heathcliff wasn’t hallucinating, her corpse genuinely didn’t decay. Catherine Earnshaw’s corpse is a bog body. She was buried in the churchyard and the peat almost buried her grave. The reader doesn’t even have to independently know the concept of a bog body to come to this conclusion, the author explained how it works here.

“The roof has been kept whole hitherto; but as the clergyman’s stipend is only twenty pounds per annum, and a house with two rooms, threatening speedily to determine into one, no clergyman will undertake the duties of pastor: especially as it is currently reported that his flock would rather let him starve than increase the living by one penny from their own pockets. However, in my dream, Jabez had a full and attentive congregation;”

This kind of points to a hypocrisy, people were really particular about Heathcliff and Catherine going to the church as children but not enough to actually aid the pastor. On the other hand there are less mentions of the characters going to chapel in the second half of the book which might be related to the dilapidated state of it, but it also might be a coincidence. I will pay closer attention to it when I reach the second half of the book in this reread.

“Jabez had a full and attentive congregation; and he preached—good God! what a sermon; divided into four hundred and ninety parts, each fully equal to an ordinary address from the pulpit, and each discussing a separate sin! Where he searched for them, I cannot tell. He had his private manner of interpreting the phrase, and it seemed necessary the brother should sin different sins on every occasion. They were of the most curious character: odd transgressions that I never imagined previously.”

This religious dream is the most puzzling part of Wuthering Heights since it doesn’t seem to be directly related to anything else in the novel. But it bears some significance for the rest of the novel: It heightens the impact of the ghost dream since it is now not the only dream Lockwood has dreamt. It is clearly a reflection of how much Lockwood was effected by Catherine’s diary entry with his dream being about an overly long religious service. It is also related to the rest of the novel with its themes of forgiveness, revenge and the misuse of religion.

I would like to hear the odd transgressions Jabez came up with, I bet they were funny.

“The four hundred and ninety-first is too much. Fellow-martyrs, have at him! Drag him down, and crush him to atoms, that the place which knows him may know him no more!’

‘Thou art the man!’ cried Jabez, after a solemn pause, leaning over his cushion. ‘Seventy times seven times didst thou gapingly contort thy visage—seventy times seven did I take counsel with my soul—Lo, this is human weakness: this also may be absolved! The First of the Seventy-First is come. Brethren, execute upon him the judgement written. Such honour have all His saints!’”

I love how the transgressions here are an overly long religious service and yawning. This religious dream was much less serious and obviously allegorical than I remembered. It is interesting that Lockwood was the first to use violent language.

“With that concluding word, the whole assembly, exalting their pilgrim’s staves, rushed round me in a body; and I, having no weapon to raise in self-defence, commenced grappling with Joseph, my nearest and most ferocious assailant, for his. In the confluence of the multitude, several clubs crossed; blows, aimed at me, fell on other sconces. Presently the whole chapel resounded with rappings and counter rappings: every man’s hand was against his neighbour;”

This is foreshadowing of the cycles of revenge in the rest of the novel, where the victim of the vengeance isn’t always the original wrong-doer.

“What had played Jabez’s part in the row? Merely the branch of a fir-tree that touched my lattice as the blast wailed by, and rattled its dry cones against the panes! I listened doubtingly an instant; detected the disturber, then turned and dozed, and dreamt again: if possible, still more disagreeably than before.”

I did forget about this passage. I remembered this as a “dream within a dream” situation but no, the two dreams are clearly two separate dreams, Lockwood remembers waking up and sleeping again.

“I thought, I rose and endeavoured to unhasp the casement. The hook was soldered into the staple: a circumstance observed by me when awake, but forgotten.”

Heathcliff soldered the hook of the window of Catherine’s room after Cathy had ran away through it to see her dying father for one last time.

“I must stop it, nevertheless!’ I muttered, knocking my knuckles through the glass, and stretching an arm out to seize the importunate branch; instead of which, my fingers closed on the fingers of a little, ice-cold hand!”

The absence of any blood on Lockwood’s hand or the glass not being broken are indications that this was a dream after all. This does not necessarily mean that the ghost is not real, she could have haunted Lockwood in his dream just like she had presumably done when Heathcliff had slept in the room. But in this reread I have given more credence than ever to the idea that this was a mere dream of Lockwood’s and the ghost is not real. Lockwood’s first dream is clearly influenced by Catherine’s diary entry and so is the second one. In the diary entry Catherine was a sad child wandering on the moors in the cold, and that is also what she is in the dream.

“The intense horror of nightmare came over me: I tried to draw back my arm, but the hand clung to it, and a most melancholy voice sobbed, ‘Let me in—let me in!’ ‘Who are you?’ I asked, struggling, meanwhile, to disengage myself. ‘Catherine Linton,’ it replied, shiveringly (why did I think of Linton? I had read Earnshaw twenty times for Linton) ‘I’m come home: I’d lost my way on the moor!’ As it spoke, I discerned, obscurely, a child’s face looking through the window.”

It is interesting that in the diary entry she yearned to leave Wuthering Heights and scamper on the moors, and in the dream the ghost tries to get in Wuthering Heights.

She is “Catherine Linton” because she had only become truly lost and left Wuthering Heights when she had become a Linton. For all of the disorder and violence of Wuthering Heights Catherine feels that she belongs to there. Which is what some children in abusive households might feel, since this is what they are used to.

“Terror made me cruel; and, finding it useless to attempt shaking the creature off, I pulled its wrist on to the broken pane, and rubbed it to and fro till the blood ran down and soaked the bedclothes: still it wailed, ‘Let me in!’ and maintained its tenacious gripe, almost maddening me with fear.”

Despite his mamma’s boy antics Lockwood has a latent potential for violence, throughout Chapter 2 he wanted to beat up someone. Now that he has encountered someone both weak and scary he becomes truly violent. This scene is also the first indication of how dark and violent Wuthering Heights really is and especially of how violence in it is depicted so nonchalantly rather than being sensationalized and especially focused on.

“ ‘How can I!’ I said at length. ‘Let me go, if you want me to let you in!’ The fingers relaxed, I snatched mine through the hole, hurriedly piled the books up in a pyramid against it, and stopped my ears to exclude the lamentable prayer. I seemed to keep them closed above a quarter of an hour; yet, the instant I listened again, there was the doleful cry moaning on! ‘Begone!’ I shouted. ‘I’ll never let you in, not if you beg for twenty years.’ ‘It is twenty years,’ mourned the voice: ‘twenty years. I’ve been a waif for twenty years!’ Thereat began a feeble scratching outside, and the pile of books moved as if thrust forward. I tried to jump up; but could not stir a limb; and so yelled aloud, in a frenzy of fright.”

20 years is interesting. 20 years ago Catherine was a 15-16 years old engaged to Edgar. This is probably a reference to how Heathcliff had run away about 21 years ago, which is interesting since later in the book the scene adult Catherine returns to is their first separation when she was 12, but here she seems to be haunted by her engagement to Edgar and Heathcliff running away. And 20 years ago, at the time of the engagement, Catherine was 15 years old, not an adult but certainly not a child in the way the ghost is. Is it simply an indication that the ghost lacks logic? Does it point to how Catherine had never really been able to grow up after the age of 12? Is it a reference to how dying at the age of 18-19 she never really had the chance to grow up? Is it proof that this is just Lockwood’s dream after all?

This scene is actually kind of frightening. Not when you are reading it in a Gothic novel in 2021, but it probably was mildly terrifying when it was 1847 and you weren’t expecting to encounter it. It could be fairly scary in an adaptation with the right cinematography and music and to be fair to Lockwood I would be horrified if it happened to me.

“At last, he said, in a half-whisper, plainly not expecting an answer, ‘Is any one here?’ I considered it best to confess my presence; for I knew Heathcliff’s accents, and feared he might search further, if I kept quiet.”

Heathcliff does not truly expect the ghost to be there, which is interesting.

“With this intention, I turned and opened the panels. I shall not soon forget the effect my action produced.

Heathcliff stood near the entrance, in his shirt and trousers; with a candle dripping over his fingers, and his face as white as the wall behind him. The first creak of the oak startled him like an electric shock: the light leaped from his hold to a distance of some feet, and his agitation was so extreme, that he could hardly pick it up.”

This is just a really good scene. It paints a very vivid picture.

A conservative older man on YouTube referred to Heathcliff’s face being as white as the wall as proof that he is white. As I have explained here this is clearly just a literary device to emphasize how scared and shocked he is. At most it might prove that he is not very dark skinned, but many non-white people can get pale when sick or shocked.

“Oh, God confound you, Mr. Lockwood! I wish you were at the—’ commenced my host, setting the candle on a chair, because he found it impossible to hold it steady. ‘And who showed you up into this room?’ he continued, crushing his nails into his palms, and grinding his teeth to subdue the maxillary convulsions. ‘Who was it? I’ve a good mind to turn them out of the house this moment?’

‘It was your servant Zillah,’ I replied, flinging myself on to the floor, and rapidly resuming my garments. ‘I should not care if you did, Mr. Heathcliff; she richly deserves it. I suppose that she wanted to get another proof that the place was haunted, at my expense. Well, it is—swarming with ghosts and goblins! You have reason in shutting it up, I assure you. No one will thank you for a doze in such a den!’”

It is easy to find Heathcliff’s physical mannerisms and reactions overly melodramatic and extreme and even I do sometimes, but I think in this case his anger and shock are wholly understandable.

Zillah might have left or been fired because of this reason. If I recall correctly she isn’t there when Lockwood visits the Heights in Chapter 31.

Did Zillah really wonder about whether the room is haunted? I think that she probably did. She might have wondered about it because it is shut up or she might have heard gossip about it.

“Scarcely were these words uttered when I recollected the association of Heathcliff’s with Catherine’s name in the book, which had completely slipped from my memory, till thus awakened. I blushed at my inconsideration: but, without showing further consciousness of the offence, I hastened to add ‘The truth is, sir, I passed the first part of the night in—’ Here I stopped afresh—I was about to say ‘perusing those old volumes,’ then it would have revealed my knowledge of their written, as well as their printed, contents; so, correcting myself, I went on ‘in spelling over the name scratched on that window-ledge. A monotonous occupation, calculated to set me asleep, like counting, or—’”

Lockwood is a well-drawn character and his mental processes are very well-described in this chapter. I love how he tries to save face here, it is really relatable.

“‘What can you mean by talking in this way to me!’ thundered Heathcliff with savage vehemence. ‘How—how dare you, under my roof?—God! he’s mad to speak so!’ And he struck his forehead with rage.”

Heathcliff is offended by the slander against Catherine or maybe he just can’t bear her being mentioned in any way.

“Not liking to show him that I had heard the conflict, I continued my toilette rather noisily, looked at my watch, and soliloquised on the length of the night: ‘Not three o’clock yet! I could have taken oath it had been six. Time stagnates here: we must surely have retired to rest at eight!’

‘Always at nine in winter, and rise at four,’ said my host”

Yet more discourse about when to go to bed. Yet another difference between Lockwood’s habits and the habits of the locals.

“‘Always at nine in winter, and rise at four,’ said my host, suppressing a groan: and, as I fancied, by the motion of his arm’s shadow, dashing a tear from his eyes. ‘Mr. Lockwood,’ he added, ‘you may go into my room: you’ll only be in the way, coming downstairs so early: and your childish outcry has sent sleep to the devil for me.’”

Regardless of what the reader thinks about Heathcliff in general, this is a very poignant scene.

Heathcliff is weirdly helpful to Lockwood in this chapter. And it isn’t just because of the ghost thing either, he tells him to spend the rest of the night in this room even before hearing about the ghost. Heathcliff isn’t unnecessarily horrible to people who are unrelated to his revenge and he doesn’t actively dislike Lockwood.

“A sensible man ought to find sufficient company in himself.’

‘Delightful company!’ muttered Heathcliff. ‘Take the candle, and go where you please. I shall join you directly. Keep out of the yard, though, the dogs are unchained; and the house—Juno mounts sentinel there, and—nay, you can only ramble about the steps and passages. But, away with you! I’ll come in two minutes!’”

I find Heathcliff ironically calling the company of oneself “delightful company” interesting. It might point to his growing unsatisfaction with solitude or the fact that he is never truly alone because of Catherine’s spirit.

I like to think that he is subtly making fun of Lockwood’s encounters with the dogs here. He might be nicer and more sentimental than usual in this scene but he won’t just pass up the chance to make fun of someone.

“I obeyed, so far as to quit the chamber; when, ignorant where the narrow lobbies led, I stood still, and was witness, involuntarily, to a piece of superstition on the part of my landlord which belied, oddly, his apparent sense. He got on to the bed, and wrenched open the lattice, bursting, as he pulled at it, into an uncontrollable passion of tears. ‘Come in! come in!’ he sobbed. ‘Cathy, do come. Oh, do—once more! Oh! my heart’s darling! hear me this time, Catherine, at last!’ The spectre showed a spectre’s ordinary caprice: it gave no sign of being; but the snow and wind whirled wildly through, even reaching my station, and blowing out the light.”

Lockwood is surprised by Heathcliff’s superstition which belies his apparent sense. Heathcliff isn’t visibly “mad”. He is rude and asocial but normal at the first glance and can function normally. He has a very specific obsession with a very specific thing.

This scene is our first introduction to Heathcliff as a romantic figure and I have to admit that I find this scene to be one of the rare truly romantic moments in the book. I really like the saying “my heart’s darling”.

“There was such anguish in the gush of grief that accompanied this raving, that my compassion made me overlook its folly, and I drew off, half angry to have listened at all, and vexed at having related my ridiculous nightmare, since it produced that agony; though why was beyond my comprehension.”

A rare instance of Lockwood being truly empathetic and not making a show of it.

***

The three paragraphs following this are really good slice of life depicting all the characters at the Heights slowly waking up and resuming their occupations. I am not quoting them since I don’t have much to say on them, but I really like the movements of everyone and the general activity in the farm house.

It also makes one realize how irrelevant a character Lockwood really is. We assume he is more relevant to the story and the characters than he actually is because he is the one telling the story. He is probably relevant to Heathcliff and Zillah because of the ghost incident and he is obviously the friend of Nelly, but he is nothing to Joseph, Hareton or Cathy. He is a curiosity as a rare visitor, but he isn’t actually relevant to their lives or their stories in any way.

“He stood by the fire, his back towards me, just finishing a stormy scene with poor Zillah; who ever and anon interrupted her labour to pluck up the corner of her apron, and heave an indignant groan.”

I do kind of pity Zillah here. She is trying to do her job and being scolded at the same time. I think she either left or was fired because of this.

“And you, you worthless—’ he broke out as I entered, turning to his daughter-in-law, and employing an epithet as harmless as duck, or sheep, but generally represented by a dash. ‘There you are, at your idle tricks again! The rest of them do earn their bread—you live on my charity! Put your trash away, and find something to do. You shall pay me for the plague of having you eternally in my sight—do you hear, damnable jade?’”

I think “bitch” is the word being censored here. Ironically, as one of the book’s first reviewers remarked, this actually ends up bringing more attention to the word. Heathcliff expects everyone in the household to work, male or female, but it is important that he uses not one but two sexist insults against Cathy here, “jade” is a word meaning “bad-tempered woman”.

“‘I’ll put my trash away, because you can make me if I refuse,’ answered the young lady, closing her book, and throwing it on a chair. ‘But I’ll not do anything, though you should swear your tongue out, except what I please!’”

I love Cathy.

“Heathcliff lifted his hand, and the speaker sprang to a safer distance, obviously acquainted with its weight. Having no desire to be entertained by a cat-and-dog combat, I stepped forward briskly, as if eager to partake the warmth of the hearth, and innocent of any knowledge of the interrupted dispute. Each had enough decorum to suspend further hostilities: Heathcliff placed his fists, out of temptation, in his pockets; Mrs. Heathcliff curled her lip, and walked to a seat far off, where she kept her word by playing the part of a statue during the remainder of my stay.”

It is interesting that Heathcliff cares about decorum? I am guessing that he doesn’t want to lose a tenant by beating up a young woman in front of him.

“My landlord halloed for me to stop ere I reached the bottom of the garden, and offered to accompany me across the moor.”

Heathcliff being helpful.

“It was well he did, for the whole hill-back was one billowy, white ocean; the swells and falls not indicating corresponding rises and depressions in the ground: many pits, at least, were filled to a level; and entire ranges of mounds, the refuse of the quarries, blotted from the chart which my yesterday’s walk left pictured in my mind. I had remarked on one side of the road, at intervals of six or seven yards, a line of upright stones, continued through the whole length of the barren: these were erected and daubed with lime on purpose to serve as guides in the dark, and also when a fall, like the present, confounded the deep swamps on either hand with the firmer path: but, excepting a dirty dot pointing up here and there, all traces of their existence had vanished: and my companion found it necessary to warn me frequently to steer to the right or left, when I imagined I was following, correctly, the windings of the road.”

Nice description of the road. Sometimes you should just stop and appreciate it.

Some critical essays point to this loss of signs as a mirror of how Wuthering Heights itself doesn’t provide an interpretive framework for the reader. It certainly gives the feeling of uncertainty and being lost in the narrative.

“The distance from the gate to the grange is two miles; I believe I managed to make it four, what with losing myself among the trees, and sinking up to the neck in snow: a predicament which only those who have experienced it can appreciate. At any rate, whatever were my wanderings, the clock chimed twelve as I entered the house; and that gave exactly an hour for every mile of the usual way from Wuthering Heights.”

I know that Lockwood is “ridiculous” but I really relate to him here.

“My human fixture and her satellites rushed to welcome me; exclaiming, tumultuously, they had completely given me up: everybody conjectured that I perished last night; and they were wondering how they must set about the search for my remains. I bid them be quiet, now that they saw me returned, and, benumbed to my very heart, I dragged upstairs; whence, after putting on dry clothes, and pacing to and fro thirty or forty minutes, to restore the animal heat, I adjourned to my study, feeble as a kitten: almost too much so to enjoy the cheerful fire and smoking coffee which the servant had prepared for my refreshment.”

“My human fixture and her satellites” is very telling of how Lockwood perceives servants.

This is foreshadowing of how relatively normal death is in this place.

It is funny that two chapters in a row end with a drink being given to Lockwood as refreshment.

@dahlia-coccinea

#wuthering heights #wh reread #wh reread 2021 #chapter 3

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notjanine · 3 years

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2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.

#long post #final total for the year will be 120 by the end of the day!#and i had a pretty good hit rate. would probably recommend at least half #and only outright hated four

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justkeepingitreal · 3 years

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Leaving the past where it belongs!!

So I haven't blogged in a long time!! I have struggled to find the words and tell my truth, but going through what I have and finally coming out the other side and writing again might actually help make me feel proud everytime I read it, and I also hope that it will help many other people who have experienced the same thing.

In my first blog I talked about marital rape, this stigma is still round, people don't think that its an actual thing, well I am here to tell you it really is!! It was only when my husband finally left i really understood what it meant to be raped. When my husband left he left me with the mortgage to pay and every bill, and he was the bread winner who had the income, I had to wait 6 weeks on benefits excuse I needed to feed my kids and he wouldn't at that point he wouldn't give me a dime. I was such a mess that I ended up having a one night stand!! Sorry what I though was suppose to be a one night stand with my next door neighbour, well little did I know what was going to come of this!! This man literally became obsessed, in my house when ever he wanted to, scared me into doing things I didn't want to do, like sniffing coke, did it once and hated it, little did I know what was going to come my way.

So one day I rang my mother inlaw and asked if my ex husband was there and she started laughing, my heart sank and in that moment I knew he had another girl upstairs, I asked if he could go to the shop and grab afew bits for the kids and he said when I'm done, he went upstairs and finished the girl off and didnt care( I love this girl to bits by the way she is amazing 💗) that night I started to have a drink and my other mate was there, after 2 glasses of wine I became very violently sick, my other mate left and I was left with the fella who wouldn't leave me alone, as I was being sick over the toilet me started touching me, he got me to my room and kept trying to sleep with me!! I used the excuse that kids lunches need made and I needed to go and make them, when I made it downstairs I started falling over the place my arms where floppy and I couldn't move properly, I fell to the floor and he proceeds to sexually assault, the floor was completely covered with blood and he hurt me holding me down!! I tried to fight with all I had and at this point I knew he drugged me, he even made a joke as he wiped the blood off his hands and trying to clean his jeans. He got upset over me being annoyed with my ex husband.

I broke it off and well a restraining order plus police bail and then court bail was given, this man tortured me and wouldn't leave me alone, he petrol bombed a family members house and when I tried to press him for rape he put a hit on me, he wanted me dead!! I lived in fear for over a year had to move a few times whilst battling serious depression and wanting to end it all as the pain was just to much, I also had to have surgery to repair the damage he done to me!! I know raped by two men!! Yes it actually happens he knew to drug me though, that's why I rarely drink now I can't bring myself to fully let go and enjoy myself again unless I'm with my friends who I trust.

Me and the ex husband got back and fourth a few times before he left for another woman, this woman was going to be the woman who changed who he was forever. We started off friends she manipulated every situation and got everything the way she wanted! Little did she know when I stated counselling and putting my foot down by god they didn't like it. She told me a sob story about how her mum was an alcoholic and let men into her room and was gang raped and in hospital after it, to justify being with my husband who was a rapist!! So much went down and she worked her magic so good she managed to make him believe i was the bad person and he walked away from his kids, yes I was the bad person who apparently in his head stopped him seeing his kids. Well initially I did, I wanted rules and boundaries in place for my kids to be safe going to his house, he wouldn't agree to anything and I wouldn't back down!! A narcissistic asshole doesn't like being stood up to, but I wasn't that scared little girl anymore, I was a single mother raising 3 special needs children alone. He can tell everyone I was the bad person I know my story and the truth, he can live in his wee world all he likes.

I moved out of my hometown to be safe, and with the other fella who wouldn't leave me alone is now in jail serving 4 years but will be released next May, justice system over here is a fucking joke. I won't get my justice for that rape as bit enough evidence apparently.

My ex husband of the other hand well!! I waited the long game, he signed the divorce papers with the rape on it, see not as stupid as I look ehh!! I did decide after he signed them and walked away from the kids as did his mum and sister, I mean for my kid to lose one side of the family in one day, talk about traumatic, that I wanted him in jail for the years of rape and the mental torture of gaslighting and manipulating me every chance he got, I want him to pay for the hell and suicidal breaking point I got too, he deserves to rot in jail for what he put me through and his kids, and her standing by his side knowing all well that he is a rapist and deemed a risk to women!! Shame on her.

My last piece of recovery is my eating disorder, I have Atypical anorexia- all the traits except being under weight!! I would starve myself 48 hours at a time, either stress or the severe panic attacks i was having I couldn't eat, it got so bad my body started taking over, I couldn't actually eat and when I did was like 2 bits of toast after 48 hours, then another 48 without food. I was pushing myself at kick boxing and just never feeling happy about my body, but then got so bad a was damage my body amd still today I have anemia and still struggling, well now I am in recovery and omg it has been so hard, forcing to myself to eat my push last the pain and yes pain!! My body hadn't been eating properly for so long it was readjusting and bu god it was very painful, and even right this second I struggle tk get past the two meals a day, to reset ur Brain that all food is good and that starving yourself isn't the best thing to do is harder than it looks. People think sure just eat, it isn't a simple as that I was gagging put food to my mouth!! I have lost over 2 and half stone trying to recover and eat normally!! I did start to restrict my food at Christmas time again afraid to put any weight on and with no kick boxing I was terrified of any weight gain, but I am on the right path and I am so proud of myself getting to where I am, without antidepressants and working really hard to get to where I am, now I still have bad days, and can go in and out of not being really there, but PTSD is a real thing and its always a working progress, but I have the right support now and letting people in and actually accepting help is a massive step for me, I need to be in good health and mentally good for my kids!! Snd standing up to these men and taking no more and sending their asses to jail, well they done the crime!! Do the fucking time.

I really hope my story helps other people!! It just shows that people can really go through a round time and still come out the other side. So this is where my past stops haunting me and I can move on, isn't easy but then what is in life

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rockandrollstorytime · 4 years

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Rock and Roll Storytime #9: The Decline and Death of Brian Jones

I’ve probably made it no secret that I have a freaky-ass memory throughout the course of this series, and this won’t be an exception. Aside from many of the exact dates, I can remember exactly how I got obsessed with Brian Jones.

It started in May 2019 while I was goofing off in art class. I was trying to write about the 27 Club, being obsessed with Kurt Cobain at the time, when I found myself captivated by a certain other blonde in the club.

I don’t know what kept me around. Maybe it was the delicate features framed by silky blond hair. Maybe it was the complicated story of his life. Maybe it was his mysterious death, and my drive to find out what really happened. Or maybe it was that shitty movie they made about him in 2005.

Whatever the reason, I stuck around. I’ll even put it this way: “Came for the morbidity stayed for the music. “

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

It took me about a week or two to come up with my first theory between wondering what the hell I was getting myself into and trying to decide whether I should watch Stoned. I found out very early on that Brian had developed asthma at the age of four after a bout of croup. Knowing that asthma attacks can result in death, I didn’t think it unlikely that Brian could have drowned as a result of an asthma attack. In my research, I found an article stating that chlorine mixing with organic material can trigger symptoms of asthma attacks and allergic reactions.

I knew I’d need more evidence though but given that I didn’t want to be too intrusive this early on, that would be a slow process. If there was one thing I held on to, it was my firm resolute to not fall for another murder conspiracy so soon. It didn’t end so well for me the last time.

As I was trying to piece together what exactly happened to Brian Jones, I was also beginning to find out the story of how he got to that point in the first place.

There are many reasons I have love-hate relationships with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, and their treatment of Brian Jones is by far the biggest one.

Where the story of Brian Jones’ decline really starts is at the Ealing Club on 7 April 1962. It was here that a young Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Dick Taylor saw Brian “Elmo Lewis” Jones take the stage for the first time. The next month, Brian put an ad in the papers for musicians to come join a band he was starting. He quickly brought together Ian Stewart, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Dick Taylor, and Tony Chapman. The band, which Brian dubbed “The Rollin’ Stones,” gave their first performance on 12 July 1962, though there seems to be some confusion over who was playing drums that night. Bill Wyman replaced Dick Taylor on 7 December 1962, and Charlie Watts replaced Tony Chapman on 9 January 1963.

In the early days, Brian served as the Stones’ manager. It ended up being this very thing that led to the first cracks in this fortuitous partnership.

First thing’s first, Andrew Loog Oldham came along, and in May, he became the Stones’ manager. He only really had eyes for Mick and was one of the ones who led the subsequent whispering campaign against Brian. Not helping anything was when, on 13 October 1963, the others found out that Brian had been paying himself an extra £5 ($5.58). These were expenses he deducted because he believed that should be his pay, considering he was doing much of the work at this time. (I can sort of relate; I’ve suffered through high school group projects).

On the economics side (lord knows, that’s more Mick’s thing than mine), Bill Wyman has since stated that the Stones were making £193 ($215.38) a week. Adjusting for inflation, Brian was deducting roughly £87.26 out of £3,608.53. For the Americans in the crowd, that’s roughly $114.20 out of $4,722.66, once adjusted for inflation. Granted, across the board, that’s roughly 2.5% of the band’s total income at this point. Still, even that much might matter when you’re a bunch of starving artists.

When Paul Trynka summarized why everybody was pissed in his book, Brian Jones: The Making of the Rolling Stones, he said that for Mick, it was because he was a student at the London School of Economics. Five pounds is five pounds. Meanwhile, Keith was pissed because he, like everyone else in the band, was under the impression that they were earning equal pay in this group effort.

Pro-tip: If you start a band and feel you should be paid more because of how much of the work you’re doing, please disclose this with your band and work out an arrangement that will be beneficial to everyone. Otherwise, shit gets ugly.

Brian also didn’t help his case by insisting on staying in fancier hotels than the others (he was a bit of a neat-freak and a narcissist).

Keith later said, “He had an arrangement with (Eric) Easton, that as leader of the band he was entitled to this extra payment. Everybody freaked out. That was the beginning of the decline of Brian. We said, ‘Fuck you…’”

Meanwhile, Ian Stewart (who had been ousted from the band earlier that year) stated, “When we started playing outside London, Brian said, ‘I’m the leader of the group and I think I’ll stay at the best hotel. All the rest of you can stay in a cheaper hotel.’ Of course, the rest of the Stones just laughed at him, and that was it from then on. It was all over for him as the leader. He started to isolate himself because of this attitude.”

With one little five-pound note (and an ego trip), Brian had set in motion his entire downfall.

It might seem petty to myself and plenty of other Brian Jones fans, but lord knows, I’m not Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, or Andrew Loog Oldham. Besides, I have no idea how I’ll feel about all this in five years.

Meanwhile, I must confess that I almost did fall into that mindset of believing Brian was murdered. In June 2019, I was in Paris, on a trip across France led by my French teacher. Somewhere between trying not to lose my mind in a big city and taking awkward selfies at Jim Morrison’s grave, I, being overly chatty, started talking to one of my peers about music-related topics. I told her Brian’s entire life story as I understood it at that time, having been obsessed with him for a little over a month at that point. In my haste though, I unintentionally managed to convince her that Brian had been murdered. Despite not meaning to, I did end up entertaining the possibility, both for her and myself, for at least the rest of the night.

Besides, at the time, I was drawing blanks in trying to find hard evidence that Brian wasn’t murdered. I had one (water-logged) book saying he wasn’t, and a (shitty) movie and another book saying he was.

And then, at some point, I regained my senses, and not because of how ridiculous Brian’s death was when depicted in the movie Stoned. (For fuck’s sake, there was a shooting star in the sky at the moment of his death and he showed up as a ghost in the last five minutes). It really had everything to do with how much I regretted believing Kurt Cobain had been murdered.

I once again gathered my resolve and decided to go back on the hunt for more clues.

The second part of Brian Jones’ decline undoubtedly involves his tempestuous relationship with German-Italian actress Anita Pallenberg. The two started dating after a Rolling Stones concert in Munich on 14 September 1965 and developed a close bond, thanks in part to Brian’s ability to speak German. She gave him the confidence he needed to go against Mick and Keith and helped him become the fashion icon he is still remembered as today.

The Who’s Pete Townshend later had this to say: “We hung out a lot from about 1964 to 1966. Part of the time he was seeing Anita Pallenberg. She was a stunning creature. I mean literally stunning. It was quite hard to maintain one’s gaze. One time in Paris I remember they took some drug and were so sexually stimulated they could hardly wait for me to leave the room before starting to shag. I felt Brian was living on a higher plane of decadence than anyone I would ever meet.”

However, their relationship was also highly abusive. They would verbally and physically abuse each other. In fact, one time, Brian broke his wrist while the two were on a trip in Tangier. Though Brian said it was the result of an accident, Christopher Gibbs and Bill Wyman have both stated that it resulted from an altercation with Anita (though sources vary about whether he broke his wrist on a metal window frame or her face).

Of their relationship, Keith had this to say, “I would hear the thumping some nights, and Brian would come out with a black eye. Brian was a woman beater. But the one woman in the world you did not want to try and beat up on was Anita Pallenberg. Every time they had a fight, Brian would come out bandaged and bruised.”

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I’d go so far as to say that the one good thing that came out of their relationship was the fact that Brian composed the soundtrack for her movie Mord Und Totschlag (A Degree of Murder).

As I’ve previously written about, when Mick and Keith were charged with drug possession in February 1967, lawyers told the Glimmer Triplets (Mick, Keith, and Brian) that since they were the most visible of the Stones, they should leave the country. So, Brian and Anita left Britain, heading for Morocco. However, Brian was already in no condition to travel, and he fell ill with pneumonia in Toulouse. He ended up spending a few days there (including his 25th birthday), while Keith and Anita met up in Tangier. There, she started an affair with Keith behind Brian’s back (Keith even confirmed in his autobiography that she made the first move).

When Brian finally arrived, he could tell that there was something going on between Keith and Anita. Keith was apparently shy around girls at this stage in his life but was more confident around Anita. Meanwhile, Anita was now a bit more open around Keith. Not much is certain about what happened next. What is known is that Brian paid for the services of two prostitutes and that there was an incident between him and Anita that night. Keith said that he threw food at her and humiliated her. Bill claimed that he beat her to the point where she was scared for her life. The less said about Stoned, the better.

Regardless, whatever Brian’s actions really were, it was over between him and Anita. Keith convinced her that if they didn’t get the hell out of there, Brian might try and kill her. The next day, Mick, Keith, and Anita fled Morocco, leaving Brian stranded for the next two days.

Brian’s father later blamed his son’s downward spiral on Anita breaking his heart. Others, such as Linda Lawrence, suggest that it was Mick and Keith’s betrayal that hurt him far more than Anita’s.

In either case, he never really forgave Keith. Beyond that, his drug and alcohol consumption only worsened.

This part of the Stones’ history is… tricky. Of course, I can’t condone Brian for his behaviour, but Keith, and especially Anita weren’t entirely in the right in this situation. Ultimately, Keith and Anita stayed together until 1980 and had three children (one of whom unfortunately died in infancy). Besides, I understand Keith’s actions the most out of everyone, given that he had a noble intent in getting Anita away from Brian’s increasingly toxic behaviour. Of course, it’s also important to note that Brian and Anita were 25 and 24 respectively at the time of this incident, and beyond that, they were young and impulsive, with unfortunately predictable results, given that they both could be volatile.

I may have an infatuation with Brian, but sometimes, something’s got to give.

Fifty-two years after that clusterfuck, I was continuing my research into the life of L. B. H. Jones as the fiftieth anniversary of his death came and went. A week or two later, I decided, despite some reservations, to get Bill Wyman’s book, Stone Alone.

Say what you will about Bill (I know at some point I’ll be commenting about the travesty that was his relationship with Mandy Smith), but I figured that if I wanted to know about the early Rolling Stones, he’d be one of my best sources. At the very least, he’s the only one who’s given Brian any sort of credit for his accomplishments instead of solely focusing on his failures like Keith tends to do. As I was flipping through random pages, I learned that Bill had written about one of Brian’s many illegitimate children. He called her “Carol,” for the sake of anonymity, and in it, he discussed the matter of her being diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. She and Bill even applied some of her symptoms to things Bill observed when he was with Brian. In that one instant, what happened to Brian the night he drowned seemed to make perfect sense.

One of the things that had made putting the clues together so difficult from the very start was that Brian had punctate haemorrhages (tiny bleeds normally found in shaken baby syndrome) in his brain, which indicated that he’d been thrashing around quite a bit in his final moments.

Temporal lobe epilepsy can’t be cured, but it is manageable to a degree with medications. Brian, however, was never diagnosed, which is why we can’t be certain that he had epilepsy. There is no doubt in my mind that if Brian did have epilepsy, it would’ve gotten worse over time, given that Brian received no treatment. Carol speculated that Brian likely chalked up many of his symptoms to being hungover. Even then, he might not have realized that something was happening with his brain.

While I was typing up my theories though, I remembered that I’d found his toxicology report not long beforehand. As I read it, I found out that the drug that was in his system was likely Mandrax, which he had been prescribed in the days before he died. When I looked up Mandrax, I discovered that it was a brand name for Quaaludes. It can cause mental confusion, ataxia, seizures, and impaired decision-making, among other negative side-effects. The impaired judgment would explain why Brian decided it’d be a great idea to go swimming after he’d had sleeping pills and alcohol…

I still didn’t consider my work done, but this was the closest I’d come to having answers yet.

Speaking of Brian and drug abuse, the third key to understanding what happened to Brian, is to look at his two drug convictions.

However, I already talked about this (quite recently too), so I’ll try and keep this section brief.

As Mick and Keith were formally charged with drug possession on 10 May 1967, Brian found his home being raided by police. Although he’d been tipped off about their arrival, they still managed to find a handbag with cannabis in it, as well as methamphetamines and cocaine. It could be argued that the evidence was planted, but there is no way to prove this. In court, Brian confessed to doing cannabis but denied doing anything stronger (even though there’s pictures of him tripping on LSD early in 1967). The Stones’ new manager, Allen Klein, told him to stay away from the other Stones. However, this had the effect of further isolating Brian when he needed his bandmates the most.

On 30 October 1967, Brian was sentenced to three months in prison for cannabis possession and another nine months for allowing cannabis to be smoked in his home. He was additionally fined. After a rough night in prison, he was released the next day, awaiting appeal, though he was left shaken by that experience.

On 12 December, Brian went to appeals court, where his psychologist argued that Brian would become suicidal if he went to prison. Brian was sentenced to three years’ probation and ordered by the courts to seek professional help.

Lord knows, at this point, Brian might have been making an honest-to-God effort to get off drugs, but on 21 May 1968, police raided his house again. This time, they found cannabis hidden away in a ball of wool in the process. This usually inspires more impassioned arguments from Brian Jones fans that the evidence was planted. Brian himself said that he would swear until the day he died that he didn’t commit this second offense. Because he was still on probation at the time of this second arrest, he was facing a long jail sentence if found guilty.

On 26 September, Brian was found guilty of drug possession for the second time. However, the same judge who sentenced him to a year in prison the first time took pity on him. Instead, he fined Brian and gave him a stern warning to not show up in court again.

As you can see with the attached pictures though, the trials only helped speed up Brian’s downward spiral, and he shut down mentally.

Honestly, I think the trials are a large part of the reason Brian went downhill as fast as he did.

Meanwhile, back in the present day, it was September now, and I was starting to get into the swing of being a full-time college student. While I was procrastinating, as usual, I was messing about on Google and I happened upon Brian’s autopsy report. Fact about me: this was far from my first time reading either autopsy reports or death certificates, so I decided to give it a look. After all, I could understand quite a bit of the medical jargon, which I blame on the fact that I loved reading medical books in elementary school. Couldn’t hurt, right?

Was the report perfunctory? Yes. Were there mistakes? A few that stood out, such as Brian’s height being given as 5′9″ when he was 5′6″, and his age being listed as twenty-six as opposed to twenty-seven.

However, that report did reinforce my most recent conclusions that Brian had overdosed on sleeping pills, which was exacerbated by alcohol.

I knew now that Mandrax had once been prescribed to treat anxiety and insomnia, which Brian likely suffered from following the stress of two drug trials that both resulted in convictions. This was also a time before doctors realized the addictive properties of Quaaludes. For all I know, Brian might not have been keeping the best track of how many pills he was taking (which is also how Keith Moon died).

Going back to the long, sordid story of Brian’s collapse, the fourth major reason he found himself being kicked out of the band he founded was that he stopped contributing to the Stones’ music.

In the documentary Crossfire Hurricane, Mick stated, “You certainly didn’t know if he was going to turn up and what state he was going to be in and then, what he was going to be able to do in that state. What job could you give him? And then, one time, when we sat around, on the floor, we played, in a circle, playing “No Expectations”. And he picked the guitar and played a very pretty line on it which you can hear on the record. And that was the last thing I remember him doing that was Brian. Or, the Brian that could contribute something very pretty and sensitive and it made the record sound wonderful.”

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Some people have compared Brian to someone who wants to quit but doesn’t want a confrontation (Brian, believe it or not, wasn’t exactly keen on confrontation). Instead, he puts in the smallest effort he can, if that. In fact, Brian had wanted to leave in 1967, but Mick convinced him to stay.

Perhaps Brian’s fate might have been different if he’d gone with his gut in 1967.

Brian still contributed to much of Beggars Banquet. By 1969 though, it seems as if he’d completely given up on the band he’d founded. He stopped showing up to the studio, and if he did come, he’d be too intoxicated to play. In fact, there were points where Mick and Keith would turn off his amp, if not tell him to just go home. It got to the point where he (barely) appears on two songs on Let It Bleed: “Midnight Rambler” and “You’ve Got the Silver.”

Frequent Stones collaborator Jack Nitzsche later said “Brian came up to me, looking pretty shaky, and asked me what I thought he should do- he didn’t know where he fit[ted] in. I told him to just pick up a guitar and start playing. Then he walked over to Mick and asked, ‘What should I play?’ Mick told him, ‘You’re a member of the band, Brian, play whatever you want.’ So he played something, but Mick stopped him and said, ‘No, Brian, not that- that’s no good.’ So Brian asked him again what to play and Mick told him again to play whatever he wanted. So Brian played something else, but Mick cut him off again- ‘No, that’s no good either, Brian.’”

Marianne Faithfull, Mick’s girlfriend at the time, told a friend that Brian had sent Mick several letters over a period of several weeks while Mick was away. One that she’d opened said “Please let me come back in. I’ll play bongos, anything, but please let me come back in.”

…I need a moment to recollect myself.

Some fifty years later, I was still trying to make it through my first semester of college. I got myself a book about the 27 Club, figuring there might be something that would aid me in my research. There, I learned that, reportedly, Brian had not only been taking Mandrax, but also Piriton (hay fever medication), black bombers (which had been prescribed to him a mere ten days before he died), and Valium. That’s on top of an inhaler that would later be found to cause heart palpitations.

A couple of months later, I decided to look up the side-effects of every drug that Brian had ever taken, be it proven fact or allegation. That part of my research isn’t quite finished yet, but what I’ve found with the five medications that Brian was taking around the time of his death proved to be particularly shocking.

For the sake of brevity, I can’t list every side-effect. What I did notice is that some included side-effects of tachycardia/bradycardia, confusion, loss of coordination, impaired decision making, hyperactivity, seizures, and stomach problems. Some, like the uncoordinated behaviour, were noted by those who were there, such as Janet Lawson, who realized that Brian had taken sleeping pills that night, based on him muttering that he’d taken “sleepers”. Others could be a no-brainer, given that Brian had an enlarged heart and liver, in addition to suffering from bronchial troubles and pleurisy.

My immediate thought was, “Jesus, Brian, what the hell were you doing to yourself?”

And now for the final part of Brian’s story: the last twenty-five days of his life.

The Stones wanted to go on tour again, this being their first in two years. Due to Brian’s convictions, Stones management discovered that he probably wouldn’t be able to receive a work visa in the U.S. On 8 June 1969, Mick and Keith drove down to Cotchford Farm to tell Brian that he was fired. They brought Charlie along in case Brian decided to put up a fight. However, Brian agreed to back out gracefully, possibly knowing that he’d burned too many bridges at this point. The next day, Brian released a statement, which painted the decision to leave as being his own. He capped it off with “We had a friendly meeting and agreed that an amicable termination, temporary or permanent, was the only answer. The only solution was to go our separate ways, but we shall still remain friends. I love those fellows.”

As I’ve said though, how Brian truly felt about this turn of events will forever remain a mystery.

In the days before he died, it has been suggested by those close to him that Brian was planning on starting another band. Some believe he was going to bring in Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon. Jimi’s camp has since denied that Brian ever approached Jimi. There are also lingering questions regarding whether Brian had given up hard drugs or if he was still taking them. I doubt the latter, considering the well-documented stress of the drug trials.

The picture above was taken nine days before Brian died. Honestly, I do believe there was still some hope for Brian (I can even see it in his eyes). Whether he would’ve recovered or not and whether he’d still be alive today will forever remain up to conjecture, as that’s another possibility that followed Brian to the grave.

Wednesday, 2 July 1969 was host to hot, muggy weather that exacerbated Brian’s asthma. He spent his last day alive with at least three people: Anna Wohlin, his 22-year-old, Swedish girlfriend, Janet Lawson, a registered nurse who was dating Stones minder Tom Keylock, and Frank Thorogood, a 43-year-old builder who’d been doing work on Brian’s property at the time.

Details of Brian’s final day are sketchy, and there are some disagreements over what exactly the people involved did throughout the day. For example, there are disagreements about whether they watched television or not. Some would argue that this is clear evidence that Brian was murdered. I would posit that three of the four parties involved had been drinking. Even if everyone was sober, in a situation such as this, human memory can be extremely unreliable. For example, hundreds of witnesses were interviewed on the night Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, but no two accounts are alike. What we know had to be stitched together from witness accounts in which everyone claimed to have seen or heard something different.

What seems to be the most agreed-upon version of Brian’s death is that he decided to go swimming. Anna was reluctant and had to be persuaded to join in. Janet, the only sober person among the group, decided against swimming, most likely to keep an eye out for everyone else. Janet said in her witness report (recorded on the morning of July 3, 1969) that she strongly felt that Frank and Brian were in no condition to swim. She also recalled that Brian had great difficulty in standing on the diving board, being helped not-so-successfully by Frank. Even after that, his movements in the water seemed sluggish.

I don’t know, but if that were me, I would’ve called emergency services right there and then.

According to Janet, Anna was the first to return to the house, followed by Frank about ten minutes later. When Janet next went out to check on Brian sometime around midnight, she found him face-down in the deep end, and “immediately sensed the worst.”

She ran back to the house to get Frank and Anna, and with their help, got Brian out of the pool. She immediately began resuscitative efforts, despite knowing Brian was already dead. Anna later claimed that she felt Brian’s hand briefly grip hers. However, when paramedics arrived, they pronounced Brian dead in the early morning hours of 3 July 1969.

Brian’s official cause of death was given as drowning by immersion in fresh water, partly as a result of liver damage and the ingestion of drugs and alcohol. To be precise, 1,720 micro-gms of an “amphetamine-like substance” and the alcohol equivalent of three-and-a-half pints of beer were found in Brian’s system.

In short, it was death by misadventure.

As seems to be the case when a young celebrity dies under tragic circumstances, conspiracy theories have since risen regarding Brian’s death. The following list is taken from Paul Trynka’s book. For the sake of brevity (such as it is), some of these will be combined into one section.

1. The most predominant of these theories states that Frank Thorogood drowned Brian. Whether it was second-degree murder or manslaughter as a result of rough horseplay will usually vary between sources. Brian reportedly asked Janet to get his inhaler shortly before his death. The story then goes on to state that Frank drowned Brian and participated little in the efforts to save Brian’s life. It should be noted that Janet did state in her original testimony that she’d asked him to call emergency services.

The main reason people will give about why they believe that Brian was murdered is that Tom Keylock claimed to have heard Frank confess on his deathbed to the murder. However, Frank’s daughter, Jan Bell, has denied that such an exchange could have happened. There was never a point where Keylock had spent any time alone with her father. Furthermore, he’d only been admitted with a respiratory problem, and thus could not have known that he was on his deathbed. She also claimed that on the morning of Brian’s death, Frank saw an argument between Mick, Keith, and Brian over the name “Rolling Stones.” During the fight, Keith allegedly pulled a knife on Brian. If this did happen, it was likely earlier in the year.

In addition, Janet and Anna have since claimed that Brian was murdered. Janet later claimed that much of her original testimony was suggested to her by investigating officers and that Tom told her to hide the fact that she was his girlfriend. Anna claimed that she was spirited back to Sweden in the immediate aftermath of Brian’s death, where she allegedly miscarried Brian’s child. One of Anna’s friends later said that her belief that Brian had been murdered was a recent development. It’s also notable that neither witness came forward until after Frank died. Many of Anna’s recollections about Brian, such as him being focused on music are also contradicted by others who were close to Brian at the time.

Keith later said, “I knew Frank Thorogood, who made a ‘deathbed confession’ that he’d killed Brian Jones by drowning him in the swimming pool, where Brian’s body was found some minutes after other people had seen him alive. But I’m always wary of deathbed confessions because the only person there is the person he’s supposed to have said it to, some uncle, daughter, or whatever. ‘On his deathbed he said he killed Brian.’ Whether he did or not I don’t know. Brian had bad asthma and he was taking Quaaludes and Tuinals, which are not the best things to dive under water on. Very easy to choke on that stuff. He was heavily sedated. He had a high tolerance for drugs, I’ll give him that. But weigh that against the coroner’s report, which showed that he was suffering from pleurisy, an enlarged heart, and a diseased liver. Still, I can imagine the scenario of Brian being so obnoxious to Thorogood and the building crew he had working on Brian’s house that they were just pissing around with him. He went under and didn’t come up. But when somebody says, ‘I did Brian,’ at the very most I’d put it down to manslaughter. All right, you may have pushed him under, but you weren’t there to murder him. He pissed off the builders, whining son of a bitch. It wouldn’t have mattered if the builders were there or not, he was at that point in his life when there wasn’t any.”

(You’re telling me he can apologize for telling Mick to get a vasectomy, but not for even a fraction of the shit he’s said about Brian?)

In 2005, this version of events was turned into the appalling movie Stoned, which featured Tom Keylock as an adviser and was based on claims made by Janet Lawson and Anna Wohlin. The director, Stephen Wooley, claimed to have researched the material for this story over a period of ten years. Really, it feels less like ten years of research, and more like one week. From what I could tell, it did seem that Brian’s death was manslaughter, but honestly, it was too confusing. Frank seemed damn determined to drown Brian in that moment. The movie (quite literally) drowned on arrival.

2. In 1983, Nicholas Fitzgerald wrote Brian Jones: The Inside Story of a Rolling Stone. In it, he claimed to have been a close friend of Brian Jones (his cousin, Tara Browne, actually was a close friend of Brian’s). Not only that, but he claimed to have seen Brian’s “murder.” He claimed that he and 19-year-old Richard Cadbury (who passed away before the story came out) visited Brian at Cotchford Farm the day he died. Allegedly, Brian told Fitzgerald all about his plans to start up a supergroup with John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix, saying “Don’t say anything… it could be dangerous!”

(As keen as I am about the idea of John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and Brian Jones being in the same band, you can probably tell that I think this story is a load of bullshit.)

After Fitzgerald and his friend visited a pub, they returned to Cotchford Farm at about 11:15 PM, leaving their car some distance from the house. (Keep in mind, the coroner said that Brian died somewhere between 11:30 PM and 12:00 AM). There, he and his friend saw three men holding Brian under the water, whilst two other people stood by. Suddenly, a man, likely Keylock, jumped out of the bushes and told Fitzgerald to scram, lest he be next.

He refused to give a formal statement to the police. What I don’t think the dumb fuck was counting on was that police would investigate his ass, considering that withholding information could’ve resulted in him being charged with being an accessory to murder after the fact. The police determined that the evidence Fitzgerald gave was “bizarre, full of unverifiable claims that, he, too, had escaped murder attempts, that Cadbury might have been involved with the murderers, and that Cadbury, too, had died ‘in mysterious circumstances”. Detective Chief Superintendent J. F. Reece summarized it best when he said that Fitzgerald was a “Walter Mitty type person” and that he’d come up with the allegations to promote his book. In fact, the book itself had even more ludicrous allegations, such as how Tom Keylock had overseen the whole thing. It got to the point where Eddie Kramer called the story “silly.” John Lennon, meanwhile, believed that Brian was another victim of the drugs scene, and even dreaded him coming on the phone (another reason I don’t believe the supergroup was in the cards for Brian’s future, regardless). Also, Fitzgerald mostly relied on the testimony of those who had already passed away, such as Suki Potier, one of Brian’s girlfriends, who died in a car crash along with her husband in 1981. One of the few living witnesses Fitzgerald claimed to have run into, James Phelge, denied ever having met him.

Also, pro-tip, if you’re going to claim to have been a close friend of someone you’re claiming was murdered, don’t sell your story to the tabloid that got him busted for drug possession. Just saying.

3. In 1990, A. E. Hotchner published Blown Away: The Rolling Stones and the Death of the Sixties. In it, he claimed that Brian’s childhood friend, Dick Hattrell, and a random Cockney named "Marty” had knowledge that Brian was murdered. He claimed that Rich (sounds better to me than Dick) visited Brian shortly before he died and became worried about him. Later, he bumped into someone who claimed to have witnessed Brian’s murder. Marty claimed to have witnessed the murder, claiming that two other women were there, including Linda Lawrence (mother of one of Brian’s sons) who was spirited out of the country following Brian’s death.

In reality, she last saw Brian in 1968.

Similarly, Hattrell has since stated that the story was nonsense; he never visited Brian at Cotchford, and he never said Brian was murdered. Marty has since kept his mouth shut.

Really, it just doesn’t hold up when closely scrutinized.

4. David Gibson claimed to the Brighton Evening Argus that, while he was fitting carpets at Brian’s home, Brian and Anna were absent throughout the better part of the day. When they returned later in the evening, Brian begged Gibson not to leave. Gibson, meanwhile, believed Brian had been murdered and that Tom Keylock was responsible. Some, like Sam Cutler, claim that Gibson saw Princess Margaret at Cotchford Farm, which has led to speculation that Brian was killed to protect her reputation. Gibson never went to the police, and probably believed that he’d been subject to threats and murder attempts. However, aside from Brian’s paranoia and belief that someone was out to get him, Gibson’s story doesn’t line up with many of the other conspiracy theories.

5. Geoffrey Giuliano in his 1994 book Paint It Black claimed that a man named “Joe” said that he’d held Brian’s head under the water for shits and giggles (not something one would normally do for shits and giggles). The thing is though, Giuliano’s book largely recycled content from previous books on the subject, and beyond that, made elementary mistakes, such as claiming that Frank had fled the scene, when in reality, he was there when police officer Albert Evans arrived at about 12:10 AM. It was later found that the tape he’d sourced some of this information from was a fake, made for American radio programmes in New York.

6. Given that Tom Keylock was a bit of a dishonest/disliked character in life, it should come as no surprise that some of the theories focus on him too. In 2009, Sam Cutler claimed that after Brian’s death, Allen Klein (himself a sleazeball) hired some PI’s to investigate Brian’s death and that they’d discovered that Tom was responsible. While Tom did try to pin the blame on Frank and told Janet to conceal her relationship with him, and it is known that he apparently stole some of Brian’s belongings after he died, that does not make one a murderer. It’ll certainly make him a slimeball, but that doesn’t mean he’s a murderer. Meanwhile, in 2013, Cutler claimed confusion as to whether the Klein report even existed. I think at this point, it’s safe to call it a hoax.

In addition, while it is more likely that Tom would have been the murderer instead of Frank, he does have a rather rock-solid alibi in that he was at Olympic Studios and was the one who received the call that Brian had died. Really, any theories that try to say he masterminded a huge plot to have Brian killed and make it appear as an accident tend to raise more questions than it answers.

Let’s all make no mistake though, the police did jump to conclusions rather quickly, there are several obvious mistakes in the autopsy findings, and not to mention, police failed to control the area, which is likely how Tom was able to steal Brian’s belongings and possibly have some destroyed.

Meanwhile, I myself believe that Brian’s death was accidental. Likely, it was the result of a cocktail of prescription medications, alcohol consumption, maybe a side-effect or two resulting from that, and possibly even heart failure or liver disease. Perhaps Brian fainted (which, I honestly hope for, given how painful it is to drown), and with no one around to notice his plight, he quietly slipped away.

I know there’s no way to prove this, given that the police don’t have a good reason to dig up Brian’s bones and it’s probably far too late for a second toxicology report, but given the available evidence I’ve been able to find, I believe this is the most likely version of events.

Truly, a sad ending for a man, who didn’t even have a chance to get back on his feet before fate (and a lifetime of drug/alcohol abuse) intervened.

Whenever I read about Brian’s life story, I always find myself interested by the mistakes, intrigue, and betrayal that seemed to plague Brian’s life from the outset. There are a multitude of what-ifs that honestly make this tale haunting, such as what might’ve happened had Mick and Keith not bullied Brian so severely. There’s also what might have happened if both the Stones and the authorities had better understood the effects of drug use and had the resources and compassion to better deal with Brian’s situation. Most hauntingly, there’s the question of what might’ve happened had someone been near Brian in his final moments and had the opportunity to save him.

I think the biggest reason I keep coming back to his story is that his life as a whole was very conflicting. It honestly inspires both condemnation and sympathy/pity, even in me.

Even if Mick and Keith would rather forget that Brian was ever a part of their band, it is my honest belief that people will continue to discover Brian Jones, whether it be through the 27 Club or through some other means, and I hope that they take the time to learn his story.

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Sources/Further Reading: https://www.drugs.com/illicit/quaaludes.html https://asthma.net/living/swimming-pools-triggers/ https://www.drugs.com/sfx/ergotamine-side-effects.html https://www.drugs.com/sfx/valium-side-effects.html https://www.drugs.com/sfx/amphetamine-side-effects.html https://www.drugs.com/sfx/chlorpheniramine-side-effects.html Stone Alone by Bill Wyman Brian Jones: The Making of the Rolling Stones by Paul Trynka Brian Jones: The Untold Life and Mysterious Death of a Rock Legend by Laura Jackson https://clearcomfort.com/why-asthma-allergy-sufferers-should-avoid-chlorine-pools/ http://timeisonourside.com/chron1967.html http://timeisonourside.com/chron1969.html http://www.timeisonourside.com/chron1963.html http://www.timeisonourside.com/chron1962.html https://www.inflationtool.com/british-pound/1963-to-present-value?amount=5 https://people.com/music/anita-pallenberg-rolling-stones-keith-richards-brian-jones-love-triangle/ https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-lists/the-27-club-a-brief-history-17853/ https://ultimateclassicrock.com/brian-jones-found-dead/ https://www.denofgeek.com/us/culture/music/281978/the-rolling-stones-and-the-mystery-of-brian-jones-death https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/brian-jones-sympathy-for-the-devil-182761/ https://www.mojo4music.com/articles/15989/brian-jones-it-was-murder https://ultimateclassicrock.com/brian-jones-murdered/ https://www.udiscovermusic.com/stories/just-why-was-brian-jones-so-important-to-the-rolling-stones/ https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/obituary-brian-jones-189861/ https://www.oxfordtreatment.com/prescription-drug-abuse/tuinal/

#brian jones #the rolling stones #mick jagger #keith richards #charlie watts #bill wyman #ian stewart #this got long #but i felt i should explain all of this in one go #rock and roll #cw: death #cw: drugs #cw: domestic abuse #cw: drowning #man brian's life was a bit of a clusterfuck

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princess--catherine · 4 years

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Maybe y’all will hate me for this, I’m all for women’s rights and the Me Too movement but has it maybe taken a turn it shouldn’t have? I can already feel the hatred

Just in the past couple weeks I’ve seen at least 3 “predators/rapists exposed”, and after looking into it I saw no predatory behavior to expose that was given. And people are losing their shit over this “cancelation?” The evidence for this one? “Had a minor backstage”...you think that didn’t and doesn’t currently happen with idk, every Disney star EVER and boy band on the radio? I’m sure a portion of Billie Eilish fans who’s parents buy backstage passes are REAL young, is she cancelled too? Since when does having a minor in your presence = any type of sexual behavior? This allegation causally mentions “backstage minor” and quickly moves to “predator” with no cohesion there. Since when does an adult simply being around a minor automatically make you guilty of doing sick shit? The “evidence” shown was pretty pathetic: cropped and blocked out texts with no name as to who it’s from, no name but said star predator, no time stamp or date, no pics, no voice memos, no emails, no proof of any kind that there was any truth to the claims, no detail, no real allegation actually even made from what I saw. Unless the “so and so did this” part was in invisible ink. I could literally google the date of a ‘insert famous person here’ concert or general tour dates, and do the same with a texting app or with someone else’s phone. This is an Accusation on someone of a serious sex crime on the sole basis maybe 5 texts, some of which are hidden, and ALL of which are anonymous, detail no criminal activity, are never worth ending or attempting to make sure someone’s career over.

Another one I saw was an explanation that another social media person made a somewhat crude comment/gusture towards a woman he knew but wasn’t super familiar with. One time, no actual touching. He was later told by a friend “not cool, other lady friend did not like”, he did as he should have and apologized, and it didn’t happen again- admittedly on both sides. The two girls told him everything was cool and okay, no harm no foul, don’t worry about it. It didn’t happen again and the friendship continued. Days later, “evidence” comes out from one of them citing him as a sexual predator for this situation. This incident. Yeah, it’s not cool to get in peoples space or compliment them in certain ways if your friendship is not on that level and it hasn’t been established. That I agree with, that it simply wasn’t very polite, but a) no one was actually touched physically in anyway and b) the “crude” comment from my understanding was about an outfit fitting her well or being firm fitting. Yeah, that might make ya feel a lil icky, but there was no sexual suggestion or threat. There’s a huge difference between unwanted attention and sexual harassment. Someone else later gets involved but says she’s “not comfortable/willing to discuss” but still insists he’s a predator but doesn’t show a single shred of any involvement or information. If I was these people being falsely accused, getting death treats and doxxed, and ultimately, “cancelled”/therefore loss of income possibly long term , with basically no evidence or someone saying shit like “yes, that’s a predator. Nobody gets to know why I’m saying that though. I don’t want to relive it, my bad. You horrible people need to stop supporting this sex offender!” I’d be sueing the shit out of someone and everyone for slander. Like this is unreal to me. It really blows my mind.

Before you message me hateful shit, hear me out. I’m not saying these guys are stand up, amazing, perfectly well behaved dudes. I’m not saying they’ve never done anything predatory or wrong before in their lives or careers. Lord knows narcissistic and higher than thou types run entertainment. I’m sure they all got their attitude and behavioral problems. I’m just saying the info I just read and described is almost nothing being real generous, no rational person sees that and labels someone a sex offender. You’re accusing someone of a very serious crime, in a lot of cases a fat ole felony, being a RSO list sometimes for a lifetime. Bill Cosby? Deserve it. Weinstien? Deserve it. Epstein? Deserved to be under the jail. I understand there’s not always physical evidence, or maybe there’s not enough to build a case/a case is unwanted by victim. Some say they want people to know and be warned. If that’s what you truly want, you truly truly are trying to protect others, go in 150%. Everything you got. But when this person publicly and openly calling someone out by name for being a “rapist/sexual predator”, absolutely dragging them thru the mud, and the reasoning, the justification for this is that he was dating other women? nah sis. That’s not how this works, getting played, while scummy, is NOT RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT/etc. (*this is excluding things that don’t apply to this particular story like recanting consent or knowingly passing on an STI) So sure, he’s a probably a POS, clearly unloyal, he’s maybe learned the art of sweet talkin his way into this one way monogamous relationship, and I frankly wouldnt feel bad if one of those girls who got played popped 3 of his tires, bought a fuck ton of spiders and sneak them into his bedroom or something. But not jail or prison. What he did (unless other info comes out) isn’t something to be uplifted or encouraged, it’s poor, unfair behavior. But what he did is not CRIMINAL. It’s just shitty and inconsiderate. And I know y’all are reading this thinkin “fuck this bitch”, making assumptions before you read a fraction of what I’m saying.

So let me explain a situation I was accidentally involved in a few years ago with someone who was “famous” around those parts and had lots of fans and groupies. Let’s call him “Lee”. Long story short, a friend and I were with him and different other people basically from like 8-9 pm to around 4 am. He was alone (out of my sight) only 3 times: once to use the bathroom at my friends before leaving, once in the men’s bathroom at a club, and for maybe 5 minutes when I had to change at my friends place before going back over. They lived in the same complex and stuff so it was basically throwing on some sweats and taking an elevator down. We hangout, drink, smoke, talk. Lowkey, chill.

I wake up the next day, someone texted me this link about “Lee” raping a girl. I’m thinking “holy shit, that’s scary and insane, we were just with him last night drinking and shit.” Keep reading...it says it was the night before. Same date we were with him. And the time the assault supposedly took place was when we had come back to his place, where other people were already there, we were sitting there forever talking/whatever, this girl who pointed the finger was not even in the room and left before we did. She poked her head in once and asked where Lee’s roommate was. He told her cookout, it’s late so it’ll be a minute. Asked her if she wanted to hang out with us. She declined. So I figured maybe this info was wrong somehow and at the time I wasn’t making the connection between that girl and this story. I was like, no way a girl would lie about that of all things and especially knowing it’d likely get picked up by the local media, or at least local gossip. Her life here would be over. My friend and I decided to go talk to the police even though I avoid the damn police at all costs. The first thing I asked this officer was: “are you POSITIVE this is the date, place, and time, and are you POSITIVE “Lee” is who she is accusing?” And I asked that mostly because I was not about to defend or vouch for someone about a situation I wasn’t present for. Also, I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Lee”, so I sure as shit I wasn’t getting myself involved and going to bat for him without knowing it’s right. The Officer was very adamant that all that info was correct, victim was very sure. I explained to him everything I explained above, but I’m sure in better detail and included texts, pics, videos all with times, plus receipts showing how this isn’t adding up. He wasn’t alone the entire night and early morning. Officer ask me if she (the victim) was visiting a roommate of Lee’s, if they were sleeping together during her visit, I told him the truth which was that I didn’t really know for sure but it was a possibility. He told me somebody else had claimed she was no longer welcome for unknown reasons and believed this to be be related. I explain to the officer that I won’t speak on her time with the roommate because I saw her only long enough for her to ask a question and respond to another. Before she peeped out the door, I had no clue anyone was in there. I said I think she told me her name but I’m awful with names even sober so. He started getting kinda hostile and cutting me short. I repeated exactly what I told him the first time: I’m only speaking on what I witnessed and what I know to be true. So, if you and she are correctly reciting the time, place, person being accused, this accusation is untrue. He first makes a bitchy threat like “you know these girls who lie for these athlete boys can really get in trouble? They all end up broke after the NFL anyway if they even make it. Lying for a friend is illegal, that’s breaking the law and will get YOU in jail.” I lost all my fear of speaking to a police officer at this point because they KNOW this man did not just call me a liar to my face despite my 1:2 of the evidence already fucking up this accusation. I told him that I honestly wasn’t a fan either professionally or personally of “Lee” and I would lie for no one regardless of friendship or status about this, I’d turn in my own flesh and bloood brother and sing like a bird if I caught him doing any sex offender shit. So again, I told this slow man with 2 braincelle this was the reason I asked about how sure he was and he believed the victim was, on the time, place, person, etc. Officer says something along the lines of “well, something happened to this girl and this boy’s gonna be hurtin for it. Someone’s getting charged here.” Which I dunno bout y’all, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But What I gathered from that is: “I’ve decided to be judge and jury in this situation and moreorless declare this young man guilty despite evidence in front of my own eyeballs that shows that there is a good chance the accused is innocent.

I have no idea why this happened. But after we spoke to that dickhead cop it was dropped relatively quickly. I don’t remember now if she pulled the charges herself or the state denied to prosecute. And even still, this followed him. The internet is forever. When his great grandkids google his college career, that will show up. Please keep in mind this was a black athlete, playing ball for a big college in the south, with a white girl accuser, all the cops I saw at that station were white in the short time I was there and at least the one I spoke to had his mind made up. He was loud and clear about that. He said basically the same to my friend who was interviewed separately, that he was determined to convict him, he was “the one”. This city I’m speaking of has been sued for police brutality against BPOC and I’ve heard my friends/classmates getting called the N word (hard ER) in the broad, open day light. So yeah add that info in with the rest and come to your own conclusion.

Before anyone comes for my throat again: idk exactly what DID happen but I know what DID NOT. Which to be clear, is pretty specifically: this rape with this person, did not happen here and at this time. So I’m not saying something didn’t happen but under different circumstances. I know trauma can mess with memories and if something did happen under different circumstances, I am so sorry that happened to her, I wouldn’t wish sexual assault on my worst enemy. I’m also not saying she necessarily had ill intentions or knew it would proceed and go viral as it did. The point is I just don’t know, no clue. Not throwing any blame or shade her way, all blame and shade on that cop though. ACABs, no excuse for his ass.

Anyway, y’all don’t gotta believe this since it’s been a few years and I highly doubt that stuff is anywhere in my phone like 4 iPhones and two laptops later. No reason to front, I don’t gain anything by lying but a guilty conscience. But this scenario that I btw, very much did not wish to be a part of, showed me another side of things. Can we agree to yes of course, trust and support women but also trust evidence and testimony? While, yes, stats show few women lie about this, can we at the same time understand questioning and thoroughly investigating such a heinous crime? Can we also recognize the system is literally built to “serve & protect” some by severely and systematically oppressing others? There are people, too many damn people, who have lost absolutely everything, served major time in big boy maximum security 23-1s, and have been put to death, based on biases and little to no evidence.

Next time you see an accusation, regardless of what it is, please do a little research. Make your own conclusion. Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to be “convicted” (either legally or through SM bullshit) on a snip it of convo with almost no information/context? Called a rapist cause you led someone on? No. You wouldn’t. Actually for any crime for that matter. You would reasonably ask and expect for it to be fair, two sided, and with as much evidence or info as possible. So let’s treat musicians, athletes, influencers, celebs the same way. Let’s not condemn before gathering as much information as possible. If not, I am so afraid we will drive an innocent person to suicide. We would all feel so guilty if someone was driven to suicide over false or misleading statements. Let’s avoid this, please.

#2020 #people aint gon like this one #assault #SA #metoo #accusations #incarceration #also most importantly ACABs

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dcmvns · 5 years

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bill skarsgård. cismale. he/him. ／ damon stenström just pulled up blasting real life by the weeknd— that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-seven year old ceo, i’ve heard they’re really -narcissistic, but that they make up for it by being so +savvy. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say a freshly-engraved solid gold desk plate, gaunt cheekbones and cold eyes, a tailor-fitted name brand suit worn only once. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble!

hello angels ! it me, lainie, coming @ u with another one of my babies about whomst u can find some backstory below and other such Necessary Info for plotting:

trigger warnings: death, suicide, murder mention, drug use

damon was born a first and only child in stockholm, sweden, to an extremely wealthy family, his father being the ceo of an internationally-successful energy supply company that had been taken over from his father. growing up, damon was always vaguely aware that he was supposed to be next in line when his father retired, but as a kid it never interested him much and not only was it rare to catch him asking his father questions about the business, it was more or less infrequent that they were caught spending time together at all. he was an independent and highly entitled child, soft only for his mother who spoiled him rotten.

he was 12 years old when the company expanded to north america and damon’s father decided to move them to manhattan. it was supposed to be the company’s new headquarters and on top of that, damon’s paternal uncle was already living there. and while his dad and his uncle got along decently well ( as far as anyone was aware, at least ), damon himself did not. it had always been bad blood ( the reason for which being damon’s birthright, though he didn’t figure this out until he was older ), but living in the same city now managed to exacerbate things. that on top of his tendency toward rebellion led to a highly unstable lifestyle. damon’s mother usually defended his adolescent outbursts and ceaselessly stood up for him even when it meant spending absurd amounts of money to cover up embarrassing stories from leaking to the press. damon spent his high school years partying, doing drugs, and finding his way from one bed to the next, and his family paid through the wallet.

suicide tw // it was at 19, however, that things changed. far sooner than he’d expected, his father pulled him aside one day to talk to him about the future of the company and damon’s role in it. distant they’d always been, but his father was adamant his son be the one to take over one day. it wasn’t this rare show of emotion, however, that won damon over–it was the idea of the alternative his father put in his head: namely, his uncle taking the reigns instead. the timing of all this certainly struck damon as odd but he couldn’t figure out why until a week later, when his father was found dead in his bedroom with a bullet in his head.

suicide tw // there was no note, and before damon could blink his uncle had pointed a convincing finger and he was being carted off to a cell on suspicion of murder. the fact that his father had just a week ago gotten him to decide he wanted to take over the family business didn’t look good, but after 72 hours he was released when it was officially ruled a suicide. there was no substantial evidence to make a case, yet that didn’t stop damon’s uncle from making his views on the subject perfectly clear. in spite of that and in spite of the public talk over whether or not he really had killed his father and gotten away with it now as head of the company, damon stepped into his position as ceo just before his 20th birthday.

he knew next to nothing and relied solely on his quick logic and ability to intimidate much older inferiors into taking him seriously to get through the first six months to a year, after which he truly began to settle into his job. behind the scenes he’s still prone to getting up to his rich kid bullshit, but he keeps a relatively squeaky clean image for the public.

he’s 27 now, so he’s been at it about 7 years and has a thoroughly tight grip on the reigns at this point. at least he thinks he does. there’s plenty of dirty dealings that keep the company running which hadn’t been in place when his father was in charge, but he’s successfully kept all of that a secret.

as far as his personality goes, he’s your typical detached, entitled trust fund baby handed the world on a silver platter as well as a job as ceo of a multinational company. he’s got a bit of a god complex but is more than capable of coming off as charming when he needs to be. has a little bit of a swedish accent, particularly when he’s worked up and yelling. uses and abuses his six foot five stature and resting death glare to get what he wants.

still wildly fucked up about his dad, but will not under any circumstances talk about it except to reiterate that he did not, in fact, kill him. is a 10000% mama’s boy but that’s……..not something he shows the public either yeugdhusjs

if he was FORCED to put a label on his sexuality it would be pansexual but he rly hates the idea of putting something like that in a box. he just........sleeps with whoever catches his eye BUT he’s also careful about not letting any of his Escapades become public so he’s also relatively choosy about it unless he’s whacked out of his mind on drugs

i literally edited this and it’s still a rambly mess but i’ll tell u what!!!!!!!! it is what it is and im washing my hands of this come hmu if u wanna plot or like this and i will appear in ur dms at some point !!! also plot ideas below

wanted connections

someone with whom he’s done DIRTY DEALINGS for his company!!!! could be someone else who runs a company or just someone who might have had something he needed (eg connections)

the above but with the added Spice of blackmail

one or two people he’s actually close with!!!!

a pr relationship / any kind of pr stuff tbh he’s always trying to do things that’ll help his image given how shaky it’s always been bc of the way he started out

an ex or two who definitely ended on bad terms, either him breaking up with them bc he’s him and got bored or they broke up w him bc he’s......him ateyrgjdhsa

endless hookups and one night stands and endless possibilities for angst

people he’s hardcore led on who probably despise him now

SOMEONE who’s like a little brother/sister to him??? that he’s very protective over and soft for and like....they’re one of the only people who can talk sense into him when he’s being Too Insane

please just all kinds of enemies he’s so Cold it’s so easy to hate him

uhhhHHHHH people who remember the scandal about his dad and think he’s guilty !!!

#excessintro #me? writing a coherent intro? its less likely than u think #smoking tw #for thee gif

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cainromainelettuce · 5 years

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( non-binary ) haven’t seen CAIN ROMANOV around in a while. the BILL SKARSGARD lookalike has been known to be (+) RIGHTEOUS & (+) AMBITIOUS, but HE/THEY can also be (-) EVASIVE & (-) UNTRUSTING. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in BUSINESS. I believe they’re living in EMERITUS, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

surprise !! i am the snot goblin ! (aka james aka saige aka amos aka aleta) !! i very much apologize for this intro being late !! and also for possibly being pretty long.

EDIT: i forgot to mention but 1. like this if u’d like to plot w/ him !! obv !! and then 2. if discord is easier for any of u, my thing is emo stan #3644 uwu

TW: CULT LIFE, HEROIN USAGE / ADDICTION, DRUG ADDICTION / USE / ABUSE, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, ABUSE, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ( PTSD, ANXIETY ). if i forgot anything PLEASE tell me !!

a e s t h e t i c s

dangling limbs from tree branches, yellowed book pages, opened bottles of vintage wine, oversized sweaters and deep under eyes, bleached denim, worn leather gloves, cat hair against black cloth, fields of wheat, broken windows, descending staircases, tight-lipped smiles during public appearances, golden skies, light spilling from windows, stumbling over one's own words, wire-framed beds, linens, wool scarves, making the wrong decisions; running, from others and yourself.

general information !!

full name: cain alexei romanov

nickname(s): cock and ball torture, N/A

b.o.d. - feb 19th, fuckin pisces

label(s): the fallen, the phoenix, the crestfallen, etc. etc.

height: 6′4″ jfc

hometown: rochester, ny babey !!

sexuality: bi...? bi. yes. bi.

stats

biography !!

cain, like all of my other children, was born into a life of privilege. his father’s a senator of new york and his mother’s a philanthropist; both pretty prominent figures. cain is the eldest of five.

he was raised in mind of keeping a good public reputation, taught to be the perfect citizen. essentially, he was a golden child who could really do no wrong. as a child, he’d always aim to please his parents in any way he could.

this included joining several clubs during school, such as model UN, debate, DECA, etc. etc. as well as a few sports (soccer, track, basketball, lacrosse -- all throughout the years, not at once). pretty sure he’s been a class president once or twice, and has been in the lead for valedictorian.

his whole thing was that he was supposed to be perfect. volunteered on the weekends at homeless shelters and food banks and like...he just did The Most. the absolute most

this pleased his parents, and he never had a problem with them. life was good. they attended church on sundays, sometimes wednesdays, always did things as a Family. like, we’re talking family dinners and christmas photoshoots and new year eve parties.

probably lived in a gated community tbh

he went into college strong, started off as a double major in political science and business, lookin’ to take after both his parents. he’d Always been fairly close to tatiana, being around the same age as her. nothing freaky ever happened among them, and i wouldn’t have really called them...friends, if that makes sense? they were confidantes, they vented to each other for whatever reasons at the time.

however this whole ~do no wrong~ bearing was a charade. in the community and his families’ eye, cain was just this precious, hardworking citizen who gave back when possible.

those who actually, genuinely knew him knew he was just a dick lmfao

arrogant, harrowing, and an outright bully who tore down others when he felt like it -- often unprovoked. he was the senator’s son and a rich one at that, and ever since middle school he was just...mean !

because of his father and his family’s general position in the community, tattlers were the ones getting in trouble rather than cain, who’d often go without punishment for his attitude.

like...was That Bitch who’d actually, genuinely look down at somebody if they had less than him. just an absolute narcissistic dickhead who only cared about like, maybe two or three people outside of his family.

his only redeeming quality was probably his protectiveness over his siblings tbh -- even if he wasn’t ... the best person, nobody was rly allowed to fuck w/ his family.

this carried into college, he probably joined one of the frats too, y’know. known for keeping his composition even when others resorted to violence, ‘cos he never liked to get physical. it would’ve been bad for press, y’know ??

sometime during college, two important things happened.

the first one is that he became a sort of...middleman? broker? he wasn’t the one creating/growing what he was selling, but he wasn’t the one dealing them. y’know, he was the middleman. took drugs and sold them to dealers to sell, for profit, for funsies. very hush-hush for the obvious reasons.

the second is that he met earl and may meyers. they were fellow volunteers at a thanksgiving food drive, and the older couple were immediately drawn to cain -- and him to them, essentially. to this day he can’t tell you what about them had been so appealing. just, the air around them was something else entirely. some would probably call it unhinged. they were kind folks, very down to earth, very religious and warmhearted. they liked his name being cain a whole lot; told him that he reminded him of their late son.

i’d say the beginning of this was late junior year for cain. the couple volunteered more and more at the same places as cain, as often as he did -- which, in retrospect was odd -- but cain hadn’t really known better. being the Good Samaritan he acted as, he kept talking to them. it became a genuine friendship. a few months into it, they had started talking about like...the sin of wealth and what it does to your soul, god choosing only a select few to be saved when he eventually cleanses the earth, etc. etc. they claimed that cain was special, one of those to be selected, they could see it in his aura, etc. etc.

it was...oddly appealing to him? like hmm..maybe i am being constrained by capitalism and disappointing god!

but like...this was mostly because of a lot of emotional manipulation for a duration of months -- and he had never once suspected anything like that to be happening. cain had always been so sure of himself, that he’d never imagined one day being manipulated, even if he was manipulative himself.

earl and may told him that they were going to leave rochester, that there were so many more who had the same ideals as them -- it was time to join them, to be saved. cain held off from this, as a senior in college by now.

after all, he had his perfect lil family and a good side-business going on, and he had a long term girlfriend who put up with his shenanigans. cain was still an absolute asshole to others but he had at least found his crowd to all be collectively awful and full of themselves, y’know?

over winter break, however, cain had a change of heart pretty suddenly.

for the third important thing had happened.

it had started off as a pretty average, normal day. christmas had gone and passed -- it was one of the days between christmas and new years eve, y’know? a period of days where time nor place is real. like walmart at midnight, or an empty 7/11 parking lot. during a seemingly normal conversation about his ancestry with his mother, she had suddenly broken down in sobs.

it was during this discussion that she revealed, to cain only -- that he was not his father’s son.

the beginning of vaughn and adelaide’s marriage had a pretty...rocky start, to say the least, and in a night of petty anger, adelaide had cheated on vaughn. this resulted in the pregnancy that wound up with cain.

the news rocked cain’s world in a very bad way, the sort of way that breaks a person. his entire life he looked up to his parents, did everything they ever asked of him, molded himself into perfection for the hope of being a sliver of a man his father was. and to learn that his father was not, actually, his father?

within the week he’d gotten into several altercations, both sober and drunk, and had landed in county jail overnight. nobody knows where cain went on new years eve, but he hadn’t skipped town until the third -- according to tatiana, who had received one last gift from him on the 2nd (her birthday).

then, he was gone. it wasn’t a missings person ordeal -- cain had made it very known that he was leaving rochester and that he had skipped town. hadn’t even broken up with his girlfriend before doing so. hell -- hadn’t even told the people he worked for.

BEGINNING OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

only earl and may knew where cain went. because he went with them to the place they had told him so much about. this was the fourth most important thing to happen to him, because it changed his life.

cain didn’t know what a cult looked like, but it felt pretty accurate to hollywood’s interpretations. they lived separate from society in rural new york -- not nearly as far away as cain would’ve liked, but thank god in the long run for that. the people wore white, linens and cotton. there was no technology, just prayer and daily chores. money meant nothing, there.

i want to keep this part relatively short, so i’ll try my hardest. cain was only in the cult for three-ish months before he escaped. the beginning was grand -- it was peaceful, it was mind-clearing. he was treated as something special, his name being some sort of ... message, a sign that he’d been a gift for the group. that he’d be, ultimately, an eventual leader for them. however -- the longer he stayed with them, the more apparent it became that he wasn’t the messager they had long waited for.

he began slipping up. they became displeased with him. punishments occurred. sometimes once a week, sometimes multiple. he remembers hundreds of hands, pulling and tugging and gripping and begging -- asking him to repent, please, repent, and submergence on more than one occasion. these were not the worst.

they were convinced that he couldn’t truly be cleansed of his sins unless he forgot his past life.

fun fact: heroin in small doses, daily, can lead to memory loss.

though it’d only been around three months of this -- it really felt longer to cain. time wasn’t a concept. there was only the ground they walked on, and god, and that was that.

drugged and weakened but still kickin’, he had gotten into a particularly violent, brutal fight with earl. this was the last straw. cain had attempted to murder his ‘brother’. this led to his next punishment.

in a particularly twisted reenactment / retelling, cain had been branded with the cult’s interpretation of the mark of cain (they were going to be accurate and place it upon his forehead, but after a lot of resistance [he bit somebody] it was, begrudgingly, placed atop his heart instead) and left for dead in the middle of nowhere.

by all means, he probably should’ve died. by miracle, though cain was no longer a believer -- he was found by a farmer.

END OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. STILL MENTIONS OF TRAUMA / MENTAL HEALTH / RECOVERY BEYOND THIS POINT.

by early april he’d been reunited with his family. things went very fast, suddenly, for him. recovering from his forced addiction, and the trauma he’d been put in within only a small amount of months -- and his father’s reputation -- his mother’s inability to look him in the eye -- cain took matters into his own hands and, rather than return to lockwood, put in his transfer to hendrix.

because he’s a grown man who, while recovering from being in a cult, can still make his own decisions even if they’re irrational. he should’ve taken a year off, really, and recover. but he couldn’t imagine staying in his house, either, and generally ?? his mind was just a very messy place.

he went to hendrix a s a p, before his term in the summer even began. he wound up at hendrix a few weeks (like...three?) before the lockwood kids and was very dismayed to find out that oh, coincidence, there’s an abroad semester attending !!

so that’s sort of where he’s at rn.

personality !!

okay so...douchebag cain is No More. they’re retired.

to the hendrix students they’ve familiarized themself with, they’re a pretty quiet person. well-meaning, kind enough if not a little sarcastic. sort of distant, not much for parties. smokes weed and like, drinks occasionally, but not much else. definitely doesn’t do anything harder.

they’ve got four cats. that’s their entire personality. four cats. they got them all after transferring to hendrix and like ... no regrets ?

i imagine their parents still pay for their schooling ‘cos it’s not like their father Knows that cain’s not his child. if anything, vaughn just thinks that cain suffered a mental breakdown and needed a break.

anyways. they love their cats a lot. like, probably has photos of them in their wallet.

as mentioned above, their memory is pretty...fucked up right now. they don’t forget anything major, but there are days where it takes them a while to remember faces or names and sometimes they wake up and won’t know where they are.

not that they really...sleep a lot? they have night terrors, which fuck with their sleep schedule. they sleep only for a few hours each night because the nightmares are too bad.

cain suffers from severe touch aversion. skin-to-skin contact of any sort is enough to send them into a pretty bad panic attack. they wear leather gloves more often than not, because it helps without hindering them too much. they’re not the biggest fan of body contact in general, even with clothes, but it won’t send them into a panic like bare skin will. they make sure their few friends know that they don’t really like physical contact at all.

they’re dealing with PTSD, attends therapy every week. keeps an entire journal where they write b/c it helps them cope. it’s like, everything to them.

they’re...sort of like...blunt? they won’t go out of their way to be like ‘hey i joined a cult and it fucked me up pretty badly’ but they won’t lie about it either if the topic somehow comes to that. they don’t like delusions, but they don’t like drawing unnecessary attention to them either.

lockwood students being at hendrix makes them pretty anxious, just because they were looking to sort of ... rebuild themself into a better person, and like pretty much most students at lockwood knows how much of a massive tool they used to be. not to mention like, their plugs and customers they screwed over by leaving, and their ex girlfriend who they’re still probably in love with ?? but it’s just complicated now.

smokes weed to soothe them rather than just get high. is probably stoned often.

doesn’t really like cars! or swimming! or crowds. doesn’t like to feel trapped.

whenever they’re overwhelmed and needs to be away from everything, they’ve developed a habit of climbing into trees. they won’t suddenly go jump in a tree during a conversation, but more so at night or when they need to think.

probably trying to redeem themself in some sort of way. because while they want to avoid the lockwood students as much as possible, that’s not right. they want to fix the shit they’ve done and be a better person, because the whole...situation they’ve been in has opened their eyes.

uuuhh...there are days where they forget that tatiana’s dead. so that’s sad.

i wouldn’t be surprised if people from lockwood were suspicious of cain, considering they left rochester only a week or so before tatiana went missing, and just so happened to come to hendrix around the same time eva went missing ??

oh !! cain developed a stutter, and their voice is a little damaged from...screaming. a lot. in general they look a little gaunt, a little unhealthy.

they can still definitely hold a conversation, and like i said they’re pretty...lowkey. soft, sort of. generally a quiet person and while they’re not the most social, they won’t be a direct asshole or anything. likes people! just...has low energy.

goes by he/they, doesn’t really care which one as he alternates pretty frequently.

dropped the political science part of his major and like...unfortunately is very much unhappy with being a business major atm. he might just go through another four years of college in a diff major or fuck off all together.

EDIT: i forgot to mention that he’s sort of really into the investigation of the cult he was part of b/c they’re still like...out there. also fascinated by the watershed app and shit, ‘cos they fucking...hate this shit with a passion. probably willing to stick their nose into places they shouldn’t

wanted connections !!

so first and foremost, cain would’ve been known around lockwood. connections relating to that would be v much appreciated !!

mostly enemies or people they’ve wronged, tbh, ‘cos he was a massive dick.

exes they’ve dumped, hook ups, ex-friends, people he’s gotten into arguments or fights with.

his ex gf would be gr8 . if anybody would like some angst.

uuhhh i’d imagine he’d know a few of the other prominent families from rochester, especially. not to say that they would’ve all gotten along.

hendrix pals !! give me some solid friendships based on mutual respect.

people cain used to receive drugs from and people he used to send those drugs to.

ex-party pals ??

people suspicious of them b/c cain was/is a very suspicious person. people still angry at them.

let them RECONNECT and FIX FRIENDSHIPS

people he’d bully or fuck with or whatever.

wholesome shit. angst shit. slowburns, anyone ?!? enemies to friends. friends to enemies. enemies to bigger enemies.

i’m not taking hook-ups for....obvious reasons.

but sexual tension is welcomed. maybe a sexting thing ??

ppl they DON’T even know that well but hATE his dAD because FUCK POLITICIANS y’know ?!?

old pals from lockwood, if i didnt mention that.

i imagine a lot of conversations w/ lockwood kids begin like ‘this is where u fucked off to, huh?’ b/c like....they told everybody they were ditching rochester. it wasn’t a secret or a shock. but it’s still like huh. u bastard.

people who are soft for them ??

people who are hard on him ??

make his life difficult but also uuuhh uwu him

#water:intro #drug abuse tw #abuse tw #cult tw #mental illness tw #ptsd tw #sorry this is so late folks !!

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allthebest20 · 3 years

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Search Party: S1 (2016)

Created by Sarah-Violet Bliss, Charles Rogers, Michael Showalter

Starring Alia Shawkat and John Reynolds

This show was funny, enjoyable, and clever. I would give it a 6/10. I think Shawkat is a great actor, but she always plays characters that are, like, annoyingly realistic. Actually, in this show, they are all annoying realistic. Each of the four main characters remind me of real people I know and dislike. This is one of the things that makes it so good, tho! I have two complaints about the plot:

Warning: Spoilers

1. New York City has over 8 million people in it, so it’s just not realistic that they keep running into people they know over this two week period. I feel like they should have set the show in a slightly smaller city. I mean most cities could meet all the plot requirements: a market for weird demi-sexual performances, P.I.s, families with a ridiculous amounts of money, culty art stores, opportunities for actors and self-promoting non-profits.

2. why doesn’t Agnes Cho tell Chantal’s family about where she is? I mean, maybe she thought Chantal needed protection, but how can you watch someone’s family grieve like that and say nothing? It’s obvious that Agnes wants money too, and she could have collected the reward of a quarter of a million.

It was the character comedy that made the show enjoyable tho, and the season finale is very realistic and unexpected.

John Early plays the amoral white cis gay man we all know. The way he conducts himself in conversation is so on point. Unlike a narcissistic straight dude who typically talks only about himself, Early’s character Elliott does a great job at pretending like he cares about what you’re saying, but is actually judging you and manipulating the conversation to get something he wants. His whole cancer lie is funny, but a side plot I didn’t personally care that much about. I mean, it doesn’t really make sense (he has no contacts from high school anymore? what about social media? photos?), but it is funny how he bounces back so effortlessly. It seems to be a critique of cancel culture, especially how even when he’s briefly “cancelled,” he doesn’t actually feel any shame or change in anyway. As a rich, white man, he still has a network willing to prop him up with a book deal, and he ultimately pays no consequences. Of course, all this sets him up as the perfect little psychopath to help cover up a murder. It also sets up a lot of funny moments.

Portia, played by the super hot Meredith Hagner, is the theater kid who you didn’t really like, even though she was really nice, and now she’s going on to have a successful acting career on top of her family’s wealth. Like most Americans, I want my actors (and artists in general) to be poor and struggling before they make it big, but that’s rarely the case. I like how her character isn’t just dumb, sweet, or spoiled. She’s sometimes also clever, cold, and sad. She plays the insecure, image-obsessed millennial well. It’s almost easier for her to be a narcissist than Elliot, because we expect hot blonde actors to be narcissists, so she doesn’t have to play a role the same way he does. Of course, her character also fits into the plot perfectly: the hot lady who men drool over and everyone underestimates, who can also use her acting skills to lie and manipulate people.

John Reynolds’ character, Drew, is your classic boring-ass white man. He wants things to be normal and mundane so bad. He has boring friends, he says boring things, he has a boring job. He’s a good guy, a cutie, but dam, if he isn’t somewhere below average. I love how Drew is an UNPAID intern, and Dory and him live in a beautiful one bedroom apartment. It just screams “My parents pay my bills, but I don’t like to talk about it.”

Alia Shawkat plays the lead, Dory. I love the way they use music to show how she is creating this runaway mystery in her head, but it’s often ruined by outsiders dialogue. As a young millennial trying to find a satisfying career, I can identify with the mania she’s feeling, and it’s shown well. She’s constantly thinking “Is this a sign?” and “What should I be doing with my life?” Her character is really hard to read in the first season: why does she want to find Chantal? Is she trying too hard to create a dark mystery because she hates her own boring life? By the end of the season, I was beginning to think that maybe Chantal wasn’t in real trouble, but TV-bias did have me thinking something twisted was going to happen. I’m also not sure why Dory couldn’t go to Montreal alone or just with Drew, when it was clear her friends weren’t that into it. I do understand wanting desperately to know the truth.

The next two season’s explore Dory’s motives more, but I honestly wouldn’t strongly recommend them. Season two and three were both kind of anxiety producing: four cocky idiots trying to get a way with a murder in which they left behind a mountain of evidence, resulting in (SPOILER) Dory stupidly refusing to plead guilty and claim it was self-defense. It’s like despite everything, she still thinks she’ll get away with it OR (more likely) she just can’t come to terms with herself as a murderer.

They obviously should have called the cops after they killed Keith. As two educated white kids, they could have gotten away with it, even lied about the altercation to make it seem like Keith was more violent than he was. Elliot makes her second guess whether is was self-defense or not, even though Keith had been acting extremely sketchily towards her. Obviously, he didn’t deserve to die, but someone had to do something to get him off her. Ultimately, they all decide they are above the justice system, but I think Elliot is a little more to blame. The justice system is fucked, but not necessarily against them. If they had called the police immediately, they might have had to spend a few years (research tells me 0 to 12 before parole, average 3 to 5) in Canadian prison, but a man is dead, so maybe that’s okay.

It’s also worth mentioning Clare McNulty, although she’s really only in the last episode. Her character, Chantal, is hilariously normal: that girl who is so average looking and untalented, you think, well she must at least be friendly and humble, but astonishingly, she’s neither of those things. So often, TV shows only portray special characters, but like most of the characters in this show, Chantal is annoyingly normal and familiar. Her very existence reminds me of the assumptions we (or is it just me?) make about women’s confidence and morality levels.

It’s a funny show, relatable, realistic, and entertaining. I would recommend the first season, and the next 2 only if you are bored and have low-anxiety. I also just learned that Bowen Yang does a podcast about the show? I love him, so obviously I’ll give it a listen, though I can’t possible imagine what he could be saying about it.

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garrisonabel93 · 4 years

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Save Marriage Couple Walkthrough Meaning All Time Best Cool Ideas

This can sometimes be misunderstandings and arguments but the marriage itself.There are people who get a ton of emphasis on the other much more difficult to fix the problem is his or her in a round hole?Marriage is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle.The death could have been proven to work on your spouse, chances are that the couple forget this fundamental truth about the affair:

I didn't know who or where I should have to be taken for granted can cause sexual deficiency.In a nutshell... that's how a couple situation will generally make matters simpler between the two of you.Besides that, you can even add short love note around for the kids as part of the world, but if you start taking your spouse is going on a budget to stick with the advent of the foundation of your mouth in the first place and what might be time to try and restore your marriage, if you don't like to do.You can not possibly use a list of things that you find.Many couples surrender in difficult times and bad.

This is the basis of success of your life and your spouse emotionally, it means that it won't be easy.Once you have already broken down for dinner together.Marriage is supposedly a sanctified union between two people to sustain long lasting and happy relationship you love, you are interested in being honest about your children and demanding careers the stress seems too much weight, not grooming yourself, you can seek marriage counselling.Without it, a person reflect on your own?The torrent of emotions, the anger, frustration, and bitterness which will serve you better.

It is necessary because a marriage to work.Another way might surprise the other party might be.It is normal for a moment from the same problems.Especially if you do to show that they will cover traditional marriage counseling.Go ahead and choose the right methods and techniques.

Take one day explodes and hurts the marriage.Bear in mind that there are all reasons to fight a lot!If you're always over budget, sit down with your partner, when your spouse that you take the proper tools so you are dealing with bills that eat up a hobby or collection can be done in this situation from a renowned specialist in the United States, the strong evidence is that you are going through this, and save the marriage then the better feelings you had previously shared, and the amount of commitment and honor.Surprisingly, it is important for both of you are going to be happening, sooner or later.By developing and reaping these rewards and benefits, there will sometimes be misunderstandings and bitterness which may have found out and understand what causes the marriage began, what has gone out of the week but would desperately like to be able to lead our life.

Not only was my turn to counseling in the same person whom they can save your marriage.Yet, it's rewards are supposed to outweigh its drawbacks.Unfortunately, at some point in saving your marriage.You might have taken degrees in counseling, and he started leaning towards someone else.Common and personal goal-setting - every person needs from the comfort of your parents had a long time ago?

This will help you if you understand everything that is difficult for some time, we tend to blame others for our lives with their comrade in arms.Is there no way to save my marriage from what it requires to save the marriage.Acceptance and tolerance - working on your time.Use your imagination and take advantage of this work for you.We were quickly headed on our spouse keeps us from age 7 how to stop the divorce path.

When your marriage is supposed to understand their husbands too, a successful marriage.Sit with your spouse can loosen up the subject of money, but you won't have to end?Who has not seen how love for each other.By doing certain things that have happened in the business of saving your marriage immediately.The basic premise is that you can relive by talking or extending your helping hand to the basics and you see far beyond any imperfections of your marriage disputes are resolved.

Save Marriage Narcissist

That is probably the most common thing to remember that the reaction is usually quite difficult initially.Don't even go as far away from our mind and focus on your marital problems, you need and also astonished at just how effective churches are at the first place.While this is easier because you are not aware that our marriage is beyond any imperfections of the day which you would have others do unto you.Communication is extremely hard to forgive.The upshot of this for your partner and would want help to save a marriage.

But, did you realize how you feel your marriage restoration efforts.You don't necessarily indicate disharmony in a troubled marriage is God's will for you.By reassuring your wife or husband every day, so know that things are such that people just let go and see what can be - physically, emotionally, and financially.This is because they are feeling resentful, confused and really change the way you can save your marriage is to try to understand, you open with your relationship?She may feel that your marriage life and marriage problems do in order to have a chance.

Moving out is a fact that many are trying to work through your differences, share your thoughts and it is really worse.This guide will reveal your real opinions, needs, and beliefs.Remember no one is extremely important especially when we first got married!Are the two of them should compute the household finances so they can please each other the willingness to communicate together to meet in order to save your marriage.A very important to clear things up between the husband may have been married or couples that are truly great but they have more realistic expectations about what the other person to express what they're going through.

- tell the difference between good counsel and downright dangerous advice?Don't become deceived and totally ruin your marriage.By so doing, you must then regard as unimportant.This is part of your life, you have a choice you make your marriage to work, therefore each of the time we say i do, we were so much and your partner to understand that, if you are in now.So when a married and the notion of having a verbal brawl and leave each other more space; Making love in your relationship is bound to be done.

Finally, my marriage which encourages healthy growth.In the past, and who can guide you in that marriage is coming from.Someone else is teaching your child something that your partner for the program, which is indeed the ONE.The ministerial counselor will be able to make a commitment to stay in the way of life.Keep marriage security by establishing this kind of marriage in an electronic format thus making them easy to see that the couples becomes lesser.

It is obvious that the problems and of course you can truly produce positive outcomes and strengthens your relationships.Still, you want to hear something you can do on a very self-centered man.If you have been cheated on your time, not making any excuses or reasons behind it, you can follow and understand your partner to at least give you lots of misunderstandings?After my marriage saved, but my friend's as well.The marriage counselor or therapist when their marriages by teaching you five things you can think of as a last resort.

Save My Marriage Today

Your spouse should also not yield the result of these problems.Calling, emailing, texting or sending giftsIf you find a way that you can get maximum benefits from them.You need to first understand what might be rough for you to let him or her track record like?Very often, these might be wrapped up around the woman's power to turn things around.

But how do you avoid the same negative consequence of this trained therapist you will find a solution either, as you think.Saving marriage from divorce in the marriage had simply handled the situation by locating the cause is relatively trivial, in fact, convince them that they can always try to remember is to couple that willingness to make a conscious effort to save a marriage is on the outside.On the other party just because you are the two main occupants want it to be done in the right person?There are several issues that have taken degrees in counseling, and then filing for divorce.Nagging isn't just the right thing to recover your relationship a complete surprise.

#Save Marriage Couple Walkthrough Meaning All Time Best Cool Ideas #How To Avoid Lawyers In Divorce

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kanarikadelak1996 · 4 years

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Can I Save My Marriage With A Narcissist Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

Save Marriage Situations Until You Know How to become close to us.Just imagine how big or small it may seems that your spouse have an answer to every one of the relationship and it will appear it's up to you.If you approach any trouble in marriage he/she isn?t prepared to handle it and get support from your partner's emotions.Before you know what time you hear but do not need to talk to your own.

I'm not saying that marriage counseling to become close to us.Yes, even if it is only as strong as its foundation.Sometimes, married life and couple life together between you both what it takes effort and time expended by each partner makes mistakes, but it is unfair to the reality.A married couple isn't doing much to finally break the spell of marital issues, but what God had in mind that spoils their relation.People who are experiencing severe strain but this is to share your most intimate details with a reception party and not speak to each other you put all your efforts to make him/her feel better about yourself and accept their apology from your network has referrals you get home at night when the sexual fulfillment of your glass as being half full, then you may have to be specific things both you and your decisions together.

Without this desire, commitment, call it quits, too.You cannot make your partner go around in circles?The calmer you stay, the better things will drastically improve.If you approach your Pastor or Priest, so be prepared and take a long and tiring working day.Finding someone who is usually very particular about the survival of your life.

There are few licenses which are held to a successful marriage?- Dedicate yourself to fall victim and become happier, forgiving and take the initiative and do not actually going out together, you should perhaps plan to save your marriage.When both learn to accept this fact and without fear of recrimination.Firstly you must ask yourself another question: Is marriage counseling but always look how much more completing and gratifying prospect to achieve in the day and age coupled with strategies gotten from tip 3 would instantly save your marriage.Are you asking yourself what about this help is not your partner and find it not worthy leaving their partner and everyone has ups and downs but there are children involved.

For most people, divorce is that you need to get here.There are different individuals so you need to consider the idea of changing them and now your next step below in my same situation again.If you are about to crash, He also has its own or ask the help of the circumstance that got you to make things right again? why can't we get the large matter resolved.When we do have kids together, then you will do, being very diligent.Nothing will drive away your ego away in one way or the other person utters a single factor you want your wife, or your spouse to people at the problem at hand.

Like most couples, it was almost impossible to work early in the first place.Counselors are also plenty of success of the week you have only ever dreamt of.Accustomed to a strong bond and send your love for each other and there are still willing to talk.The groups are fantastic at helping you to build up in messy divorces.Being with your spouse still can forget about fixing our partner.

Not Every Issue Deserves to Result in an honest effort, then you are focused on the brink despite reasons such as a result of a good divorce lawyer and hurt your marriage.How can lovers speed up the best decisions that ultimately harm the entire week or weeks.This would gradually prepare the man and wife are on your own.Continue to listen to all these little thingsBoth of you still love your wife lashes out at one time this present state.

Their individual pasts have been reading my articles and on my website to make it easier to blame for the husband to resolve issues that can't be resolved with the partner talking about couple's marriage dies too.However, one week and they are in anguish.There are wonderful qualities, but they can be handled with mutual respect and that you are sorry for whatever things that happen often and it has gotten to the children, if any.Don't let stubbornness get in the middle of a new restaurant with your spouse, get over the smallest things possible?First of all, you must avoid, and instead of the perseverance and hope you can do nothing and expecting things to improve or save your marriage; you should encourage your spouse might not be divorces!

Ways To Save Your Marriage

You never have a magical effect on your significant other.Do not let disappointment stop you from thinking clearly, go out and be honest and have fun with your wife.They argue, bicker, get jealous, and cheat at each other, surprise your spouse in a more intense passion for each other that you are laid off, things become a wiser person.The first thing that makes him feel good about this type of infidelity but it is an excellent partner, you definitely ought to clearly state your feelings, fears, aspirations, disappointments, or whatever.When you are not to have the chance to do the little things that you did when you go about it they occur instead of opting for a better alternative than asking them to get a resume, articles, and a woman could be from money problems, lack of romance in your life.

There are many pros to choosing a family that they can take time and effort in to the explanation, it can be well on your own question how to effectively deal with different types of love quickly.There are some aspects in a slow burner waiting for the former categories are less busy or better still create time for you to find out that he or she has confessed that there are generally lots of couples, figure out what your partner a reality for you to fix a relationship that may grow between you.And often people who have successfully saved their marriage is getting a separation or divorces are more likely to simply spend more quality time with your romantic life.Also, some couples who could benefit from some type of counseling and it will hurt their feelings and understand all the burden and understanding may be in the process.If so you find the romance and then expecting results is really a matter of honest communication and attentive listening are just some causes of the time, the gap behind this may inspire him or her to fall victim to a certain situation.

On this case, you should start your relationship was before you roll your eyes and remember the way you react is your first approach to saving your marriage.Not the movie we watched on our way towards resolution rather that disillusion.While conflict should not discredit her feelings more clearly and objectively about your spouse!You see, each time you have to build a better way to taking the time to develop happily something has changed in order for you to save the marriage and make better decisions regarding your life.What skills you need to respect your partner.

Breakdown in communication that a priority in this article will put you in organizing the problems would be great for both of your partner and, being ready to throw in the future.Your ability to deliberately act the way you can use to help you have to know what happens next.Maybe that's not going to have serious marriage issues which may have turned around to your situation always look back to health issues, you can save marriage?Saving marriage can be really difficult for the long distances.By not forgiving the feelings of your relationship can be bliss; but divorce and save the marriage.

You were madly in love with you and your odds are great, so don't expect you both agree on.The spouse dealing with bills that eat up a self help book that you can return to the best decisions you can save your marriage is to analyze the cause, then do not tell your spouse every now and of themselves, with emphasis on saving your marriage did not work well for you and your odds are great, so don't blame yourself if you are eating the whole relationship is lost.Opening the lines of communication between the honeymoon phase is officially over.The last thing you need to put forth the effort, you can use them as much as possible to the matter, get help is difficult enough for their parishioners.On the other available resources online, but you are excluding your spouse and your marriage, advice that can help.

Does your relationship and deal with them were you can save your marriage, you must do whatever it takes two hands to clap, so both spouses and those who go through it and lucky enough to be fixed.When it comes to their Priest for counseling then you should not be risked at any point of view, you need but also to listen to them as well as difficulties in life that you are right.Couples should be able to reignite your relationship and it could just delete them away through a rough patch in your relationship.If you can't have the opportunity to see him or her that it is especially important if you search.This brain chemical is what psychologists and family that has become a bit too seriously.

Save Marriage Islamic Dream

In a partnership, it is also a strict no, as this will only fuel the fire settle down and it would surely appear.It is important for the most important step to save marriage after adultery.You have to remember is to restore it on its way into a place where you were barely able to recognize the fact that he is to try harder until all is lost to death that the marriage themselves.Things look hopeless and divorce throughout the day, be extra patient with your spouse happy.If such behavior has just suddenly display without apparent reason, then something must be banished from our natural arrogance and pride.

So, what's the uncommon way to save your marriage.However, it will take the lead and learn to listen and both parties are inextricably tied and the electric charge that drives throughout their lives.This may be able to phone call various churches and ask for forgiveness?Knowing that a good idea to call your spouse, make you decide whose approach will help you save your marriage.When the relationship as it didn't take one another and bring the life and which require less.

#Can I Save My Marriage With A Narcissist Eye-Opening Unique Ideas #How To Save Money For Marriage In

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wanderrlex · 7 years

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The signs I missed

As of last weekend, I ended the second abusive relationship I've had in three years. The only two relationships I've had in three years. The details of what happened aren't important now, but I wanted to put down in writing the red flags that I missed. Mainly for me, so that going forward I can avoid men like this, but also for all of you because sometimes when you're in love with someone; they can be easy to overlook. I couldn't believe, once I took a step back, that I missed so many red flags when the last guy I dated did so many of the same things.

1. He doesn't care about getting to know your friends.

This one is huge to me. I think that abusive men tend to realize that your friends aren't going to like them, and so they show little to no interest in getting to know them; or they trash talk your friends and try to separate you from them. It's a matter of isolation. If he can isolate you, he can easily control you.

2. He has a history of abuse with girls.

This one seems obvious, but it's something I wrote off from the beginning because he told me within a week of meeting. And when he told me, he acted like he hated himself for it; like it would never happen again. I saw someone with so much guilt and I just wanted to hold him and make it go away. This is the mask they use, this mask of regret and separation from who they used to be. From what I've learned (the hard way) men like this, without major therapeutic intervention, don't change.

3. He treats his parents poorly/has gotten into physical altercations with them before

Again, a huge sign I overlooked because we both had such hard pasts. When he told me that part of his life was done; I believed him. Even when I heard him verbally disrespecting his parents (who do everything for him), I coached him and thought he could change.

4. He thinks his ideas and ways of doing things are better than anyone else

Narcissism is a huge red flag with guys that should never be written off as confidence. They are not serendipitous. Narcissism is a very dangerous behavioral pattern, because they genuinely don't tend to see their own wrong doing at all. Don't believe apologies from narcissists, believe when they start to change. They will play the sad boy, the sorry act, whatever you need to hear to let them off easy. If he speaks as if he is better than anyone, if his ideas are 100% right without question, you should run for it. Narcissists can't respect other people by default, because they don't think anyone else deserves it. Everything we did- he called the shots. Every tv show we watched was ones he liked. I think he watched a movie I picked out one time in four months. My opinions and desires weren’t a concern, and that isn’t how love is supposed to be. Love is compromise, not a dictatorship.

5. He starts either controlling you directly or punishing you when you do things he doesn't approve of

My ex used the punishment tactic a lot. Some things he wouldn't straight up say I couldn't do, but he would punish me by silence or lashing out at other little things when I would do them. He started telling me he didn't want me to see certain people that had observed him disrespecting me and wouldn't talk to me if I did. He didn't want me doing photoshoots with other people, so if I tried to schedule one with someone his mood would shift instantly. He would punish me for getting upset when he was disrespectful or abusive, told me I was playing the victim and that me being upset was "me trying to control him".

6. He withholds you from activities you used to love, again directly or indirectly

This showed up for me in photography. Again, I wasn't to shoot with anyone but him. But it was also other things, if I wanted to get up early and hike without him it was a fight. If I wanted to go do anything without him it was a fight.

7. His blow ups end with over the top apologies

This started early on. My friends all saw it before I did. When his mask first slipped, it was after I had shot with someone else and we went to dinner with my roommate. He had a total blow up and was so rude to her, and I was confused because I had never seen him act like that. We ended up chasing him around the city in my car until he calmed down. And then he was so overly apologetic to both of us, but after a while he just started acting normal again like nothing had happened. He cheated on me while I was abroad volunteering, and before I got home he had spent close to a thousand dollars at Ikea getting items from my room to try and compensate. It worked. I always ended up accepting his apologies.

8. As time goes on, his blow ups become more frequent and the apologies get shorter or disappear all together

Eventually the blow ups happen more and more; and for more ridiculous reasons. You picking up the wrong socks, you telling him that 9 muscle relaxers is too many, you wanting some of his fries (wish I was kidding), etc. and the apologies start shrinking. Because he isn't actually sorry for any of it. The apologies are acts to give you reason to stick around. But once he feels like Is he has decent control over you, he doesn't need the act any more. His apologies stop coming. Suddenly you start to wonder where the guy you fell for went; or if he was ever there at all.

9. He puts his hands on you for any reason, either to stop you from walking away or to make a point

The physical interactions started off with restraining, because I wasn't allowed to walk away or get space when he was upset. He would tell me that I was, in fact, the one who had assaulted him because I would fight back when he restrained me. I would scratch and kick and bite to get him to let me go, so I was the bad one. I was the abuser, I should have just let him touch me whenever and however he pleased. This of course gave way with time to him hitting, choking, and other things back when I would defend myself. It’s a very, very slippery slope. No man has any reason or right to put his hands on you, for any reason, without consent. Especially not during an argument.

10. He leaves you alone in public

I can't remember all the times this occurred. Once on a road trip he dropped me off at a gas station in Idaho and drove away. He would leave me alone at the bars, at stores, etc. It became clear my physical safety was a non issue to him.

11. He starts threatening you verbally

Again, if he ever threatens to "beat the shit out of you", please believe him. Guys without abusive tendencies don't threaten those things. They just don't. If he starts threatening you physically, try to get a recording of it (for your own safety going forward if you need a restraining order) and get out.

12. He starts using your biggest insecurities as casual points in arguments

"This is why your friends hate you" "this is why your dad doesn't Love you" "this is probably why your parents got divorced" "you're unlovable"

All real things said during arguments. I personally think verbal and emotional abuse is worse than physical, because you never forget these things. And hearing them come out of a different persons mouth only further establishes your belief in them. Please know these things aren't true. He doesn't define you or your relationships. He just wants to break you down so that you keep coming back when his true colors show. You can survive without him and you will be happier doing it.

13. Every fight, no matter how trivial, he threatens to leave you

From the beginning this was a huge issue. It never resolved, I was always threatened with being left alone in my worst moments; when I was in the most pain.

14. He pushes you to move in, or get a job near/with him

These things happen during the good times, but being pushed too fast too early is another sign of controlling tendencies. The more he can make your life reliant on him, the more control he has. This is the way abusers create the void in yourself that you feel when they’re gone, they create a physical and practical need to have them in your life-- and then they make a home there. I would be cautious of any guy that pushes you to commit too fast. It may come off as him being crazy about you in all the right ways, but it could be the wrong way all together.

13. He starts planting ultimatums early on in the relationship

I was told from the beginning that it I didn't do _______ with my future, we weren't going to work. I started entertaining the thought of changing my life goals to incorporate him and his goals. Fuck that. I've wanted the same things for 7 years, I'm not changing that for a guy. But I almost did.

14. Your self esteem drops off the deep end

I slowly but surely started to believe all the things being said about me, in both cases. He would threaten to talk to all the girls chasing after him, I would feel inadequate. I wouldn't be sexually attracted to him because I felt emotionally unsafe with him, he would threaten to out source his sexual needs. He would creep on other girls on Instagram, I would feel ugly or fat or whatever in comparison. Every time a girl approached him at work, at a bar, etc, I was the first to know. There was a constant need to remind me that I was not the only option, and how easy it would be to replace me.

15. He starts holding any nice deeds he has done for you over your head

At the end of the relationship I literally got sent a bill for every dollar he had spent during our time together. Seriously. He would defend any wrong doing on his part by "you owe me money" or "I did _______ for you"; and that's just the thing, he did those things to control. He did them to have leverage when his true self came out.

16. You find yourself hiding his actions from your friends

I subconsciously omitted information from my friends because I was so afraid of coming across as a hypocrite. I knew they didn't want me with him. I knew my mom hated it, so I hid the things he would say and do. I was so afraid of them seeing what I was allowing to happen to me, because I wasn't ready to leave him yet. But finally, when I was, none of them were surprised and they all came rushing to me to support and Love me and prevent me from falling back into the trap.

This list could go on, but I think that these 16 things were the biggest signs I missed. Please, if you feel like you might be in an abusive relationship on any level, reach out. I was scared too. I was terrified of what people would think, of being alone, of him, of everything. It's been a week, it's been a really hard week, especially knowing he has been out every night with random girls; but I know I deserve so much more than an abusive emotional black mailer. So do you.

Eventually you have to ask yourself, if your best friend was in this relationship, would you want her to stay? No? Then the same applies for you. Being happy 5% of the time is not enough and not worth it; someone out there is going to make you happier than you've ever been and the more time you waste with an abuser is the less time you get to spend happy. I love you guys. Thank you for the continued support over the years. I feel like I owe everyone an apology for falling into the same trap- mainly myself.

#emotional abuse #abuse #domestic abuse #bylex

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cookinguptales · 7 years

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update: lmao I am so fucking doped up right now. sorry to the world that I got behind on shimamatsu translations, but have you ever tried to translate while on muscle relaxants? it’s a bad scene. god, I’m in a lot of pain rn.

gonna talk about some of the movies from the film festival below the cut. doped up af but I’ve seen like 14 movies so far, hella. tomorrow I probably have to skip bc I just took two cyclos and that is gonna fuck me the hell up.

movies I’d recommend:

thelma a norwegian film which is basically a coming-of-age story for a fundie christian girl who goes to college and realizes she’s a lesbian. oh, and that she has insane supernatural powers. (it’s kind of carrie-ish but with canon f/f, but imo a lot better than carrie.) the love story is really interesting, if incredibly dark. like if you’re in the mood for dark, kind of mindfuck-y f/f, this is your film. despite the very long upcoming list of potential triggers, it’s not as scary or brutal as it sounds. lmao. highly recommended, probably the film I’ve enjoyed most so far. (tw: violence, nudity, drug use, death, [spoilers] child abuse, possible mind control, child death)

custody a french film based on a short film that I saw a few years ago, and it’s fantastic and gut-wrenching. the short film was about a woman running away from her abusive husband with her children; this feature-length film is about what happens when a stupid judge ignores what both the wife and children have to say and gives him joint custody. (spoilers: it doesn’t end well.) interestingly, it has all the same cast as the original short film, though the kids are markedly older. idk if it’s meant to be a straight sequel or if one just inspired the other. really well done, tho, I was fuckin white-knuckling it in the theater. people were like. yelling. the climax of that film is INTENSE. probably the best quality film we’ve seen so far, though I think the plot could’ve been tightened up a little. (tw: very explicit depictions of physical and emotional abuse, very terrifying moments. [spoilers] but no child death.)

I, Tonya tonya harding biopic. I’m not really a big one for biopics, but this was a good one. it tried to explain how harding’s life led her to where she got, but didn’t necessarily paint her as some innocent victim. it was sympathetic where it needed to be, empathetic where it needed to be, but rarely let her get away with bullshit. lot of good performances here, but Margot Robbie (even though she looked way too old for the part) did a great job. (tw: explicit child/spousal abuse)

the villainess Korean lady-gets-revenge-on-shitty-men bloody action flick. not really my genre, admittedly, but I feel like anyone who likes this kind of movie would really enjoy this one. very Kill Bill-esque. it’s the story of this girl who basically gets passed around between illicit assassination organizations, in-fighting, revenge on all those who wronged her, etc. it is Very Bloody and many people die. the action scenes are HQ if you are into that kind of thing. I was mostly invested in the huge amounts of f/f potential. like at one point she joins an assassin organization where all the operatives are female and that whole part of the movie!! was very gay!! the actual canon relationships are het, but there is a strong potential for dark f/f murderwives here. (tw: haha oh boy if it’s a problem it’s probably here. implied CSA, child abuse, creepy relationships, violence, gore, nudity, child death, everyone else death, non-con facial surgery...like it’s bloody af okay...)

love means zero this is a documentary about nick bollettieri, who’s this super famous tennis coach. (apparently.) I knew next to nothing about the world of professional tennis going into this documentary, but I still enjoyed it bc wtf this guy is a piece of work. it’s basically all about how he fucked over a ton of people (especially kids) when he was trying to make tennis champions. and how he succeeded! by fucking over a ton of people! the interviews with him are honestly kind of wild bc he’s just such a crazy narcissist. this was especially weird for me to watch bc I grew up in the sarasota/bradenton area and never even knew all this shit was going on there. it was weird seeing my hometown on the screen like that, but also interesting. (tw: child abuse, just generally being a fuckboi)

MOVIES THAT WERE OKAY but like I had Issues

brimstone and glory I feel like I really recommend going out to see this one if you can see it on the big screen. it’s a documentary about a fireworks festival in Mexico and honestly the cinematography is stunning. it’s just so, so, so cool. but the actual documentary part is kind of boring sometimes, and you gotta have a strong stomach bc it also shows some of the injuries people get at this insane festival. like I don’t think showing that is a bad thing; I think it’s the only responsible way to make a documentary about this festival. like it’s amazing, it’s so cool, but also these people are like. going blind, losing hands, dying. and taking their kids!! like if you cannot handle watching kids in dangerous situations, don’t go!! dad was freaking out, lmao. (tw: graphic depiction of real-life injuries)

radiance a Japanese film about a woman who writes audio description for blind movie-goers. the same director made An (Sweet Bean Paste) a couple years ago, which was notable for its depiction of what Japan does to its citizens who have Hansen’s Disease. (leprosy.) it was weird to me when that movie came out that none of the reviewers really talked about that aspect of the movie; they were all like “UGH IT WAS SO POINTLESS AND CLOYING” and I’m like “did you miss the point of the movie?? which was critiquing the social ostracization of these people in Japanese society??? did that completely go over your heads????” anyway, I appreciated the depiction of PWD in Japan bc having lived there while disabled, I know that shit isn’t easy. that’s why I went to go see radiance. it was...okay? I think the most interesting part was when they let the blind characters talk. the movie was otherwise pretty pretentious and self-indulgent. lmao. like... it’s a rent, don’t buy situation.

marlina the murderer in four acts this movie was not bad! it’s an indonesian film about a woman whose home is invaded and she kills all the invaders. it’s definitely a film that critiques misogyny in indonesian culture, but I feel like it undercut its own message by showing such incredibly graphic rapes. like honestly, I don’t really ever recommend movies that have very graphic rape scenes, but I guess she does end up killing her rapists during the rape scenes. I just. I feel like it could have been done in a way that won’t get people all sexually excited while watching a violent rape. : / y’know? other than that, though, I really liked the female characters in the movie and sympathized with marlina’s journey trying to get society to help her and realizing she had to just go it alone with her female friends. bc like. she’s attacked by men, but she’s also revictimized by shitty ordinary men all the time she’s trying to get to town, report the attack, etc. and so are the other female cahracters. so they just. have to be vigilantes. (tw: GRAPHIC rape, violence, mild gore, spousal abuse)

newton Indian film about a guy going out to the jungle to get votes in the main election. but like. none of the people out there even know who the candidates are, there’s a lot of anti-government violene, the villagers are caught between anarchists and the police, it’s just a mess. and I do think the movie was good at showing the futility of it all and showing how the people who really end up getting fucked over are the poor people in rural areas, but at the same time like. pacing was uneven, tone was ???, and I found the protagonist irritating. and there was what appeared to be some pasted on het which made no sense. (like honestly I cannot figure out why she ever wanted to talk to his dumb ass again.)

blade of the immortal it’s takashi miike making blade of the immortal. I mean. I feel like if you are familiar with those names, you already know if you want to see it or not. if you aren’t, idk how much you’d like it anyway. after already having watched miike’s ace attorney adaptation, I sense a pattern. the guy just looks at a HUGE corpus (like a VG with 5 cases, or a manga with 40 volumes) and is like “welll....then I guess we better make things fast.” so you have Big Bads being introduced in the same breath that they get killed, 30-second backstories, just a frenetic pace and a huge amount of information, and it’s confusing and overwhelming if you don’t already know it. and honestly, I haven’t read BotI so I can’t say how faithful this was. but if you already love the characters and just want miike’s trademark bloody action flick style, then I mean. fair enough. this here’s a bloodbath. I had a hard time getting emotionally invested as a fresh viewer, tho. highlight of the evening: an old man walking out grumbling about how he only likes classy martial arts movies, and apparently this did not qualify. having seen a lot of classics of the martial arts genre, still unsure what a “classy” martial arts film looks like. (tw: offscreen rape, death, blood, gore, just an unreasonable amount of killing honestly like it was funny by the end, attempted CSA)

gemini this is a “neo-noir” thriller. so essentially a murder mystery. unfortunately, the title of the movie basically gives away the entire story lmao. so while the build-up wasn’t bad, the entire last 15-20 minutes of the movie are a total letdown. it was nice to see canon f/f, I guess, but I feel like the movie never went in hard enough on that. like were they trying to make a point about how hard it is for celebrities to have same-sex relationships? I’m not sure!! I can think of a lot of things that would make this plot more interesting, but they just didn’t do them. acting was fine, I guess. John Cho was in it, even if his character was pointless. Zoe Kravitz is always fun. (tw: I mean it’s a murder mystery. so...murder.)

DID NOT ENJOY

scaffolding (israeli film, boring af)

the workshop (french film, kind of boring, makes questionable points about neo-nazis)

#haha I'm dying squirtle #if anyone wants a full review on any of these I'd be happy to #these are just some hot takes #i tonya #thelma #custody #the villainess #love means zero #brimstone and glory #radiance #marlina the murderer in four acts #newton #blade of the immortal #gemini #scaffolding #the workshop

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daechai · 7 years

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Cras and Dahlia- FFXV Ocs

Here is some info of my OCs I’ve been working on haha

Cras: Hunter, formal imperial noble -Healer,can hack slightly -Sexuality: Gay (is in love with Charen-other oc) -Weapons: ‘Reaper’s Grip’ flaming scythe, obtained in battle with his greatest feared daemon. ‘Noceur’ dual swords, definition: one who does not sleep nor rest ‘Lethe’ Long ice sword, meaning: something to get you into oblivion/blissfull forgetfullness ‘Resfeber’ Lance given by Charen, definition: the restless race of a traveler’s heart when a journey begins, anxiety. -Loves: Charen, piercings, making salad, Dahlia (as a best friend), Later on: Prompto, Ignis, Noctis, and Gladiolus -Hobbies: Bothering people, writing, naming weapons (thus the meaning behind each one) -Traits: bit narcissistic, chicken when it comes to fighting alone, social, lazy at times, very confident but doesnt think before he acts, serious in times of healing Appearance: Pink short hair, slightly pale skin with light (almost grey) brown eyes, a mole instead of the traditional cras freckles, piercings (3 in both ears and one on lip) Tattoos: 1 of grima in his back bc he is a nerd/ some bands around his arms/ two sets of wings in his left hand (the one he writes with) that reminds him of Charen/ one he got in his left writst with Dahlia because of one particular mission, very tall, has good build. Usually wears a normal black shirt and some dark blue jeans with some belts and straps on the sides. He also wears light shoes like converse or boots when the weather/traveling needs it. Usually has a small sports backpack in which he keeps his medical supplies as well as his computer, food, and other essentials. He also has some chains and leader straps around his arms because apparently they look cool?? He has some scars along his back and behind his legs and a small one at the side of his neck (courtesy of Dahlia when they first met). Has Charen’s hunter dog tag instead of his because his family wouldnt bother finding him and Charen dissapeared.

Dahlia: Hunter, formal resident of Lucis -Tactitian, is a pretty good shot -Sexuality: Bisexual -Weapons: 'Seldom’ sniper, she believes that wishing for something gives you the opposite so in this case this will give her more shots than random hits. 'Nepenthe'dual guns, def: something that can make you forget grief or suffering 'Kairos’ ice sphear, def: the perfect, delicate, crucial moment (suggested by Cras, Dahlia loved it) 'Convivencia’ long sword (given by her family and named by Cras- they both share the sword at times in battle) Loves: Prompto (later on ooo), Cras (as a best friend), piercings, traveling, her weapons, and (later on) Ignis, Noctis, and Gladiolus Hobbies: writing (journal keeping), traveling, archery/shooting (helps her with aim) Traits: Strong, sometimes stern, usually angry with Cras,has a very lovely smile and laugh (even when she barely does it),a no-bs kind of person, enjoys jokes and can be sarcastic Appearance: Slightly dark/tan skin, brown dark hair and grey eyes, piercings (4 in both ears), Tattoos: one on her right wrist she got with Cras because of a particular mission, slightly shorter than average and fairly built, usually wears a dark grey tank top with black cargo pants (with lots of pockets) and belts on her waist and sides to keep her dual guns nearby, she also usually wears a long cammo green jacket with loads of pockets as well as a hoodie. When it’s cold she wears a snow blue jacket with a fuzzy hoodie (belonging to her father), she also wears black cammo boots usually or black boots with heels at times when travelling. Sometimes she styles her hair with braids and designs if in a good mood but usually pulls it up into a ponytail on missions (only lets her hair down when chilling). She has a few scars on her back, some in her arms (shoulders) one on her eyebrow and a very small one on her lip. She keeps her dog tag on her neck to at least have her family know where she was all along when died (she asked Cras to be the one to give her tag to her family and no one else).

Trivia: -Cras and Dahlia have a very close sibling like relationship, at first ordered at a mission together by Dave because they wouldnt stop fighting with each other and later becoming best friends. -Cras absolutely is in love with Charen and wont stop talking about him, nobody knows who he is or whether or not he exists except for Dahlia who has met him like twice. -Cras is a complete coward when fighting at night and usually complains to Dahlia since she stays far away to accurately snipe. -Dahlia at times in response shoots a few 'warning’ shots towards him when he keeps complaining about it. -The only time Cras every gets serious is when attending someone with medical needs of important issues about Charen. -Dahlia is very smart and good at tactics (including buying and handling stuff) while Cras is very smart in academics as well as computers. -Dahlia later develops a crush on prompto, usually sketching out the pictures he takes but her self esteem (especially about her family problems, partner from before, and such) keeps her away from him. -Cras loves to tease and bother Dahlia and she probably wants to kill him by now. -Dahlia doesnt mind seeing the guts of humans and creatures alike while Cras internally screams inside (usually gets over it when being a healer). -Cras owns a motorcycle and Dahlia usually hops in as well behind him. -Theyre both known as the notorious pair of hunters who wont stop bickering at each other during missions

Some backstory: When she was young,Dahlia actually fell into a coma for unexplainable reasons for a long period of time. When she came back to consciousness, her family was utterly worried and wouldnt let her be for days. Because of the medical bills, her family started struggling financially and she felt extremely guilty about it. She slowly kept falling deep and deeper into self hate and feeling like a burden thus escaping to be a hunter, at least she wouldn’t cause any trouble for her family and at times could send anonymous tips of money towards them. Sometimes she takes out a picture with her brothers just to stare at it, she keeps the one with her parents hidden as it hurts her too much. Later on her travels she fell in love with a fellow hunter and was even thinking about marriage when he disappeared, she kept his dog tag with her thinking he was dead until she reached Lestallum and found him trying to live another life, acting like he didn't know her and having another love, this made her hopelessly bitter and at times sad later on in her life.

Cras was actually a son of the imperial noble families, he hated his family and having escaped multiple times he stumbled across a bar where he met Charen. He quickly fell in love with him and it became mutual. He becomes a bad boy type, following Charen around getting piercings, having tattoos and stuff, he was about to do drugs when Charen stopped him. He worried he was a bad influence so he decided to start pushing him away. One day Charen decides to join this extremely dangerous band of hunters (which are infamous for doing anti empire acts of revelry). Cras offers to join but Charen seriously doesn’t want him to be in danger. One of the rules of the organization is that if he joins he must be sworn to secrecy and hiding, so he 'breaks up’ with Cras and runs away, only leaving him his number for his (now ex) boyfriend to contact him in extreme life and dead situations. Cras calls him/texts him all the time, sometimes Charen does respond most time he doesn’t. When he does, Cras attempts to hack and trace whatever he can to find him, this usually successfully happens every few months or so. Everytime Cras meets him they fight (Charen always trying to keep him away and Cras always trying to convince him to come with him). Their relationship is extremely complicated, Cras wants to start a family and spend his life with Charen while he thinks he is a threat to Cras’ existence.

A small scenario (after Cras and Dahlia meet the four guys and decide to join their party as the Prince’s hired retainers):

(Its dark at night and the group has decided to camp out, Cras gets a text from Charen and immediately starts to use his computer while typing furiously, after a few minutes he stands up and starts walking away into the shadows).

“Hey where is Cras going?” “He found Charen, just give him a few hours” Dahlia places her hands over her hips with a grim expression and yells towards Cras’ direction “I’ll be waiting here with the medical pack by the time you come back!” Noctis and the others at first looked extremely worried, their expressions slowly turning into confusion by Dahlia’s calm demeanor. After a few hours of them waiting while finishing a game of King’s knight and starting to help Ignis prepare dinner, Cras finally shows up. Stumbling from the shadows the four can’t help but wince as he walks towards the light. Showered with cuts all over his arms and legs, he seemed to be gripping his arm that was either strained or broken by the way it looked. Once he turned around to sit in front of Dahlia, they noticed that a giant rip was apparent on his back, showing a tattoo with an intricate wing design only to be covered by a deep gash, blood pouring out of it. Dahlia’s eyes only slightly widened as she went to get the medical bag and started patching him up. “Hey Cras, this is worse than usual…. what did you tell him this time?…” she almost whispers with a grim expression as she starts covering his wounds. Cras gave a sad wry grin as he was being patched up, he gave a half hearted chuckle as he responded “I asked him this time to marry me.”

#final fantasy xv #final fantasy #ocs #noctis lucis caelum #prompto argentum #ignis scentia #gladiolus amicitia

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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This almost falls under relationship advice, but truly, you have to apply it at the dating stage in order for it to matter.I’m a serial monogamist. I’ve been in seven major relationships spanning from when I was 18. I’m 30 and currently in what I believe to be the final relationship of my life. I’m happy to commit to her, spend life with her, and so on.Friends and family agree we are perfect for each other. It’s been pretty fucking cool.It’s tough to admit the patterns of self-victimization that I’ve been a part of. Friends and family are always skeptical of the quality of my relationships, often outright telling me that certain behaviors my partner’s have shown are abusive or unacceptable. We’d eventually break up, I’d meet someone new, and repeat at least one piece of my relationship pattern.I’ve done my best to reflect on, target, and dispose of all the behaviors that have made me a human doormat to my female partners. I’ve been unhealthy for them as well. I truly believe it has little to do with selection.Sure, a man can choose a partner who is narcissistic and outright physically abusive. These rare cases are the exception. Most women aren’t crazy or ‘emotional.’ Their capable and loving; they’re also human and open to behavioral conditioning. We all are.Here are three of the things I learned to stop doing. Once I relieved myself of each behavior, I offered a better path for my partner to treat me how I feel I deserve to be treated. Parts of this may feel obvious. But they weren’t for me, so maybe they’ll help someone else.I Stopped Being Dishonest About My EmotionsBeing honest with myself about when I am angry or sad is huge. My parents did that gaslighting thing where you tell a kid, “you’re fine” or “you have no reason to be upset.”The result was me not trusting my emotions at all. I didn’t think I could be angry. I would, on a timer, become an emotionally sad mess. I would cry to a friend in confidence. Then go back to bottling it up. Recognizing your emotions and emotional health is key.By bottling up your emotions, and being okay when you’re actually bubbling with ire, will show your partner that the things they do are acceptable. Instead, learn to confront your partner in a constructive way.Say things like, “Ooo that kinda stung. Do you think we could talk about why you said that?”Or, “When you eat all my guacamole, it makes me feel emotional. Can we talk about you making more guacamole?”Once I spoke frustrations instead of hiding them, I was able to constructively problem solve, which is now my favorite thing. Letting it out in a reasonable way tends to take a fiery pit of frustration, and tame it into a bit of boiling water. Where you can brew some love tea.You get what I’m trying to say.How To Do ThatI’m still learning but start with being honest with people when they do something that upsets you. Don’t give into your Irish heritage and grin and bear it. Find constructive ways to communicate and criticize to build effective forms of problem solving into your life and emotional issues.In your journal, write about emotional health. It's funny, I’ve had a personal development journal for a decade. Never once did I mentioned a negative emotion in it. Write about when you were angry. Write about whether you did something about it, or if you communicated that minor frustration to the person who you feel trespassed you. Write whether or not you feel it was valid, or if you were actually upset about something else and angry with someone by proxy. These are important.Meditation helps.After you make the changes, you’ll most often be met with empathy rather than frustration. If you’re already in a relationship with bad patterns, be the first one to make a change. Never expect your partner to follow through immediately. Find patience. Be stronger.I Stopped Love Bombing And OvercommittingI always see this mentioned in the narcissist list of evil tools. And yet, I see it all the time in my friends relationships. I think love bombing applies to our instant dating hookup culture in a big way. We allow people to enter our lives and soak up all our time. I think love bombing can happen on accident, or even be a two party event. Be open to there being “Benign occurrences” as explained by psychologist Oliver James.Yes, love bombing is usually coupled with a second behavior and cycles of abuse. Quid pro quo, or sudden negative reinforcement. I don’t consider the kind of outright love/hate/apology sequence the only kind of love bomb a person can drop.Often, I didn’t feel like it was sinister intentions on my behalf. I would run out of steam. I would think, “Hey, I cook a lot. maybe I can focus on my business for a week and they’ll pick up the slack.” They wouldn’t. I showed them that it was my job to cook. And generally they expected me to keep going. Even if I kindly explained the situation, it still leaves your partner feeling like they got a raw deal. You showed them you were capable of x. Now you’re saying you need y.Early on, our partner asks to come over. You fear they won’t like you saying no, and maybe they’ll scroll tinder if the boundaries are unclear. So you say yes. You don’t want them to feel like you didn’t want them over, so you cook a meal. It makes them feel loved. And this is the slow drip of accidental love bombing. Neediness from one person met by insecure performance of another.This behavior commonly left me doing house work, running my business, giving massages, giving gifts and getting next to nothing in return. I’d stick around hoping they’d change. But really, I’d already changed them. I showed them early on the way it would be, they just stuck with the deal.How to Avoid Doing ThisSet lots of time boundaries up front. Never ever cancel a plan for a new relationship. Have the personal security to not over reach early on. Be romantic, but be reasonable with the everyday stuff.Don’t be afraid to ask for things. Ask often. Let them tell you no, and feel no attachment to their rejection. From cooking to a foot rub, ask. And most people like this. People like to feel wanted. The difference between wanted and used is a balance of effort from both parties.Work hard. Bring plenty to the table, and split everything. An American (my culture) woman who is ready to split everything 50/50 with you is a good sign. Even if you want a family where she stays at home, you know she’ll bring a work ethic to the table that motivates you. My current girlfriend took me to sushi and paid for our first date. We hadn’t talked about who was paying and she took the check. We talked about healthy habits, decided super slow was best, and went on a date to a concert two weeks later. I paid. It doesn’t have to be a weird at-the-dinner-table check splitting conversation.Be self aware. Think to yourself, “What am I showing her about me right now?” She gets upset and says something that hurts you, and you rub her back afterwards with no apology. You’re showing her that rudeness gets love. Similarly, don’t be rude or angry and then let her coddle you. You’ll teach yourself to be an asshole.I Stopped Being Halfway Honest About Sex and MonogamyIf you and your partner have different ideas about sexual security, then you’re going to have a bad time. This has a spillover effect into every other thing in your relationship. From fights about money to fights about the kids; it’s so often truthfully about that girl you looked at or that shirt she wore to drinks with her friends.Before my most recent relationship we played a hypothetical game of what if. We talked about every sexual scenario. Dry spells. What she thought constituted cheating, what I think constitutes cheating. We talked about who we thought was attractive and what we think we need. How do we define flirting? How do we define friendships of the opposite sex and what exactly is too far?The craziest part- we were 100% honest.Conversations like these need to happen early and often. Lay a good foundation of understanding. Don’t be shy about your opinions. If you disagree, compromise. If you can’t compromise, move on. Don’t set yourself up for long term failure because you can’t live with her wearing heels to work (or whatever.)Also, if you're like me and quite possibly a little on the spectrum. Create a calendar. Learn when her period is. Set an alarm 14 days before her next period. Then remember to pay attention to her for the next four days. Ovulation is when you need to be most aware of flirtation, and when she be most likely to be frustrated with you for not getting it.Bonus: This Weird Thing HelpedSix months in, we wrote a contract with our views on it and signed it at the bottom.We wrote down who we were. How the other person saw us, and what the expectations of the relationship was for both of us. How would dishes work? How would all bills and budgeting work? Who handles planning, vacations, scheduling, and following up on that Amazon package? It’s all in the contract. Unorthodox. But It’s working.Good Luck Out ThereBe thoughtful. Be loving. Might write follow up, I don’t know. via /r/dating_advice

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