#Whether you see these two as platonic or romantic this is EMOTIONALLY DAMAGING

[septemberrie]

I have come into your inbox to rant and ramble after being blown away. I specifically ship your version/characterization of saulxandreas and romantic or platonic!saulxfarah/saul&farah, where the two dynamics are a foil for one another. Your fic, it was just red, is a masterpiece. It perfectly encapsulates the way that Andreas’s “feelings” for Saul would likely manifest, not as a healthy romantic attraction but as a twisted combination of attraction, jealousy of someone more popular and better than him (“good, kind, stupid Saul”), the desire to dominate, and the homophobic/toxicly masculine idea of owning/besting someone by fucking them. That sort of dynamic unfortunately often culminates in sexual violence, whether it be rape by deception or straight up assault. Which is made all the more heartbreaking by saul’s devotion towards Andreas and their early friendship. The contrast between Andreas being too narcissistic and insecure to love properly (“I did love you, you know,”) and the real love between Saul and his fairy, Farrah, and his other friends, made me cry.

I also ship saulxhealing because he puts on this image of even tempered mentor/guardian for the sake of his son and students, but he has got to be internally shattered, the most broken and traumatized character in the whole series, especially after season 2. Pretty much everyone he’s known and loved died violently. throughout his life, two people he trusted (Andreas and Sebastian) treated him like dirt by trying to kill him. He must have a very damaged sense of self worth and internalized guilt at being one of the last ones standing. Maybe he could find solace in being a father to sky, although i wonder how their relationship was affected by sky killing his biological father to save Saul on top of the previous trust issues that were not resolved.

Have you ever thought about writing another fic in light of all the compelling saulxandreas moments from season 2? Ken duken really amped up the tension between them, every time they appear on screen Andreas looks at Saul with such a creepy intense look that’s hard to ignore. And there’s the introduction of Sebastian, who definitely had a crush on Saul (“following saul around like a puppy”) The potential for Sebastian’s jealousy and hatred toward Andreas during their school years, and andreas being possessive of saul would be interesting. I could see your characterization of andreas continuing beautifully in a post s2 fic, with his viciousness showing in the way he relentlessly bullied Sebastian to mark his territory and because he could.

Also, it’s a testament to your writing that canon s2 Andreas pretty much acted in accordance with the Andreas in your fic! There’s always the possibility of canon work completely going against a fic, but s2 Andreas was every bit as bloodthirsty and aggressive as you wrote him (not Ben asking saul if sky inherited Andreas’s bloodlust 😭) Burning saul’s house down in jealousy, pushing students around and making sparring more violent, being emotionally unavailable towards his son, and insulting silva’s masculinity, (“did he wear an apron?”) it was amazing how you basically extrapolated his character so accurately from just a few scenes in s1.

Basically, thank you for writing it was just red, and the way you wrote it makes me yearn and wonder if you’ve ever thought about writing something post s2. The past and present structure for it was just red would be perfect in explaining the sheer depths of Sebastian’s hatred of Andreas (with Saul at the root of it all,) and the way Saul/Andreas’s scenes were so intense, culminating in Andreas sacrificing himself to save Saul, makes me wonder what kind of relationship they had in the past even if it was an unhealthy one. The show also glossed over saul’s imprisonment after he was caught returning to see sky, and the way you wrote his imprisonment in i.w.j.r. Makes me think you’d write that part wonderfully. The saul&sky&andreas conflict and dynamic (“you’re already starting to sound like him.”) was also teased but not explored in canon, and the way you described that in the last fic (“he’s in my DNA” “he’s in my bones.”) chills. I’d kill to see your exploration of that dynamic post s2. And they also didn’t include any grieving scenes for Saul after his fairy died!

Anyways, I’ll end this here. It was just red. was amazing, literally one of the best fics I’ve read and definitely the best when it comes to comparing the quality of canon to fic. You have a gift for fully fleshing out the motivations and psychology of characters, your writing is technically skilled, and you included themes beyond just shipping (about love, war, trauma, growth, and disillusionment) that I didn’t expect but were really impactful to read. I would die of happiness if you were considering writing another post s2 saundreas fic but that’s not to induce any pressure because I am already forever greatful for the fics you’ve already written. Wishing you all the best in life. Also, is it okay to send you more asks/messages about fate? This has gotten ridiculously long but I’d love to discuss more saundreas/saulbastian/saulrah things down the line with you if you’re interested.

okay anon, I hope you know this is the best ask I've ever received, my ego will never be the same after this 😅💕

I love the points you brought up in your 2nd paragraph, re: Saul x Healing. The man has been through it ALL, although I always have a hard time reconciling what he's actually been through with the mechanical way the writers had him deal with everything in S2. It's absolutely criminal we got little to no fallout from what went down in the lodge because you're so right, Sky and Saul's relationship is fundamentally changed now that Sky murdered his bio father to save his real father!! Plus Sky and Saul have both now lost their fairies, they've both killed their own fathers, their home burned down… like they have so much loss together (makes you wonder what's left to repair if they both lost so much).

I have actually started a "S2 from Saul's POV" that tries to both build on what specks of light they gave us (Ken rocking tf out of angsty Andreas, references to Sebastian and Andreas' crushes on Saul, wtf was going on that week when both Saul and Andreas were teachers at Alfea when they have this history together????) and also tries to bridge some of the gaps (where tf is the emotion? any of it? About Farah? Sky killing Andreas? Siding with Roz???)

And I'm toasting you to kingdom come, anon, for the praise re: Andreas' characterization in my fic. If you had told me when I was writing it that we were going to get as much fucked up Andreas in S2 as we did I would not have believed you. It was a dream come true--my only wish is that they hadn't killed him off so early. He was SUCH a great rogue/lesser villain. I really don't remember what happens much in s2 after Episode 4 lol that's basically It for me. I'm framing your sentence "the best quen it comes to comparing the quality of canon to fic" because ??? excuse me this is the most fantastic compliment because that's exactly what I was going for/hoping for and!!! thank you!!!!

Back to my S2 "rewrite" fic. I hadn't considered as much your particular angle, like what if Sebastian being Sebastian and not just any old blood witch was part of the reason for Andreas' sacrifice? Extra baggage between the three of them? I'm curious what you mean about "the past and present structure of IWJR would be perfect in explaining the sheer depth…" are you just referring to IWJR or are you talking about the proposed post-s2 fic you would like to see me write? Sorry I'm just curious!!

Anyway anyway anyway PHEW you are incredible for sending such a kind and gushing message and THANK YOU!!! I literally had to sit on it for a few hours bc it was like staring at the sun lol it is so bright and makes me so happy. You are ALWAYS welcome to come chat about anything Fate, on anon or off! We are a friendly bunch and love talking about our silly 13 episode fairy show!! Thank you again!!

#asks #anonymous #my writing #fandom love #fate the winx saga #saul x andreas #saundreas

[kinosternon]

did you like the free! movie? i read your summary which obviously isnt equivalent to wayching the movie but i felt…idk. if youre ok sharing your thoughts on it?

Honestly? I really liked it, but also they're very much movies where what you're hoping to get out of them can play a big role in how enjoyable they are.

If you enjoy your dynamics gen and/or multiship-flavored, for example, then this was just. An absolutely fantastic film. 10/10 no notes. If you want resolution or confirmation about, well, basically anything, on the other hand, it's going to be very disappointing.

The character work was admirable—especially for the minor characters, many of whom continued to get development literally up to the final moments of the film. I absolutely loved all the new relationships that we started to see get off the ground, as well as call-backs to previous interactions throughout the series that showed growth in the characters involved. Not only that, but new stakes were introduced and explored relatively well, and most of all they introduced more drama and tension while sacrificing as little character growth as possible.

There are two big exceptions to this, for me...

(spoilers below the cut)

...and they are Haruka and Makoto.

After mostly having his shit together in parts of Dive to the Future, Haruka lost a fair bit of ground, emotionally speaking. But I think the movie justifies that well—it's a return to deep-seated questions that he's never quite figured out how to answer about who he is and his place in the world, on top of the new stressors he's facing. Admittedly, the answer he comes to is a bit more of a postponement than a real answer, but it also feels true to where he is at this point in his life.

Makoto, though...well. Not only did MakoHaru get on-screen development only through flashbacks, but Makoto just let everything that was happening in the movie...happen. Even Hiyori was more active in Ikuya's arc than Makoto was in Haruka's this time around. Coming from the decision Makoto made about his own career path in Dive to the Future, some of this stuff feels like a pretty big step back.

But honestly? I'm okay with that, too.

Side note that's related—I was really happy with how Rin was handled throughout. I've never quite been a RinHaru shipper, but this was the first time in the entire series when I could actually feel good about their dynamic, either romantically or platonically. And the fact that so much of that development was focused on conflict resolution is a key ingredient to figuring out what KyoAni gave focus, here.

I suspect it'll absolutely frustrate some folks, but to me, the success of the early stages of certain interactions while neglecting or even regressing on the deeper relationships is telling. These last few seasons/films have been about showing how the boys have learned to grow beyond misunderstandings, hostility, and damaging competitiveness and learn to trust themselves and each other enough to maintain a tenuous sense of emotional stability in their lives. But that doesn't mean that they know how to grow further than that, yet—how to start building lives, or full-fledged identities, that they can be happy with. One of the major plot points is whether they can (or want to) even look a year into the future, for crying out loud, and that's just in terms of their careers!

Free! was never going to be a series that explicitly acknowledged any of the romantic (and even many of the more deeply platonic) undertones it harbors. Considering that, I kind of feel the way they chose to have Makoto obviously underplay his feelings, fears, and care for Haruka throughout the film was...I don't know, it just felt right for their current trajectories.

Haruka is explicitly balancing self-preservation against a desire to compete, with his sense of self suspended precariously between those two things. That doesn't exactly leave a lot of room for building relationships with others, and indeed a lot of Haruka's emotional work in this movie is about his relationship with himself as well as with other people more generally. He's just not in a place to acknowledge other people's deeper feelings for him just yet. (Makoto aside, I'm including Rin and Ikuya, and in a limited sense, Kaede in this. Possibly Albert, but Albert also couldn't emotions his way out of a paper bag, so it's kind of a moot point. Oh and technically Ryuuji counts, too, as Haruka's mentor.)

(And man, don't even get me started on the decision to include Haruka's mother in the way they did. That's...just...gah. I have probably uncharitable opinions on that one that will probably show up in fic form sooner or later.)

Makoto, meanwhile, is stuck being as afraid of his feelings about Haruka as he is of actual threats to Haruka's well-being, and that leaves him at a pretty harsh impasse. Would Haruka be okay with him putting his own life on hold to help him with rehabilitation for a year? No he would not. Overall, I think he's making the rational choice in consciously to step back (at least in terms of physical distance) and put his own needs and plans first, because he's absolutely been a little too dependent on his role as Haruka's guardian/caretaker in the past, even if the show's never come out and explicitly said this. (Hiyori and Ikuya were absolutely a cautionary tale about it, though, and one that I think Makoto took to heart.) 

As to where they're at emotionally, this movie shows a pattern pretty clearly. Makoto defaults to praising Haruka's swimming to hide his feelings, and Haruka accepts that without questioning it. One of them is going to need to break that default someday, whether for romantic reasons or simply for the sake of their overall emotional health...but they're just not ready to yet.

But, again, as awkward and painful a part of their emotional development as that is, it was portrayed really honestly. Better still, it left open-ended, with plenty of implications for future development. (It would have been so easy for them to include an epilogue with random new characters paired off with existing ones, and that didn't happen even once. I'm very, very grateful for that.) 

So I guess the biggest takeaway here, and my biggest praise for this film, is that it really is a fan's free-for-all from this point onward. Personally speaking, I really couldn't ask for anything more interesting.

#free! the final stroke second part #spoilers #haruka nanase #and the people who care about him #that's the main focus of this rant bc it was a major driver of the film #don't get me wrong there was SO MUCH ELSE TOO #but there's frankly just too many characters and too much going on to cover it all in just one post #and that's one of the things I liked about the movie! #it was...intricate #in a good way #thanks for asking!! #I could write essays on this stuff (obviously)

[mxgilray]

I... have some thoughts on the Loki finale. It was not what I was expecting, but I'm still hopeful for season 2.

This felt like a meh finale, like how a lot of season finales felt in Spring 2020 when they unexpectedly quit filming and had to cut things short by a couple episodes thanks to the pandemic. Only this was the planned out finale, they should've given a bit more oomph. I'm quite a fan of exposition and character development usually, but all the dialog was centered on He Who Remains, so it felt like our main characters were just side pieces.

Plus, the final "cliffhanger" of Mobius not knowing Loki and the statue of HWR replacing the Time Keeper statues felt quite lackluster. Not sure how they could've made it hit harder, but it didn't deliver the "oh shit" vibes they intended, but maybe that's cuz Mobius not remembering Loki has been an expected plot line on tumblr for half the season so it wasn't a blindside.

I get the point of the Sylki kiss. From what I've seen on tumblr so far I feel like the nuance of Sylvies actions was lost to most people (both Sylki fans and antis just Didn't Get It). It wasn't a big declaration of love like the fans are grasping onto it as, and it wasn't shoving selfcest into the canon to keep the heternormativity like antis are accusing it of being; it was Sylvie using Loki's attachment to her to trick him. She needed Loki out of her way, and she knew the only way to get past him and get He Who Remains' tempad was through emotional distraction. She used his love against him and betrayed him, a kiss was simply the most efficient way to do it. I did a whole post last week about Sylvie's feelings towards Loki, but to sum up I firmly believe that while Loki harbors some romantic feelings for Sylvie, she feels strictly platonic towards him, but is very aware of his attraction. She took advantage of his care for her to get the upper hand during their fight. Heck she even foreshadowed it herself in ep 5. "There are more important things than friends" "like taking down the TVA" she told Loki that taking down whoever is behind the TVA comes before everything; it's priority #1 in her book, above friendship or love or trust. Loki proved that his priority now is the greater good of the universe not her revenge, so Sylvie has no use for him anymore (partners only when it's convenient, because she is a Loki and that's how emotionally stunted Lokis behave).

I would like to point out the irony of her being worried about Loki betraying her, only to turn around and betray him. It's in the realm of "people who cheat assuming their partner is cheating" / "not using a turn signal when changing planes to avoid being cut off because when you see someone else use their signal you tend to cut them off", it's assuming other people will behave like you do. Sylvie feared in ep 5 that Loki would betray her in the end because she knew if it came down to it she'd betray him. But the thing is, he's actually grown past that. Loki is finally thinking about how his actions can damage others, not just his own wants and needs. Sylvie saw this moral change in Loki, realized there was no chance of getting him back on the blind revenge boat, and decided to exploit his newfound selflessness and emotional attachment to get him out of her path.

This whole season Loki has been maturing emotionally and growing into the best, most heroic version of himself. Sylvie, on the other hand, still has that deceptive, selfish, can't trust anyone persona that every Loki develops to combat insecurity. She hasn't had the emotional growth needed to see the bigger picture, she's still trapped in her own self centered mindset. As such, she disregards the impact her betrayal will have on Loki, the impact killing HWR will have on the universe. She doesn't even take a beat to consider whether revenge is still the right path cuz she doesn't practice self reflection yet; revenge has always been the goal and she refuses to give herself a chance of changing her mind. I hope in season 2 she'll get some character growth, now that her 1 goal has been accomplished.

Now on to Mobius. I enjoyed his scenes, I wish we'd been shown more of what he did to reveal the truth to the rest of the TVA. Again, I feel like too much time was given to HWR's monologing and not enough was spent on the other characters so Mobius and B-15 got very little screen time to display their plan. I am happy Mobius got the opportunity to throw Ranslayers betrayal back in her face, and his attemp at attacking her...my boy you work a desk job you ain't no fighter, she used to work in the field collecting variants, you had no chance. Also, where the F did she go??? I kept expecting her to show up at the end of time but she didn't. Where did Miss Minutes send her??

I'm sad Mobius doesn't know Loki anymore, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've got a few different thoughts on what the heck is going on with him and the TVA:

Sylvie accidentally sent Loki way back to a time early on in the TVA before HWR created the Time Keepers for anonymity. As such, this is a past Mobius who has yet to meet Loki or even learn of Loki's existence. If this is the case, then I think Loki and Past!Mobius's interaction at the end of ep 6 will be the catalyst for him becoming a Loki expert. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing before Loki interrupts are from some currently unknown disaster that'll be a plot line in s2. (This is my least favorite theory, but nevertheless a possibility)

HWR was correct when he said that if Sylvie kills him and destroys the TVA then another variant of him will just start it all up again. This variant didn't care to remain anonymous, hence the big statue of him, but kept all the memory wiped variants working there. Because time is a chaotic bitch, the changeover from one HWR variant to another may have been near seamless at the TVA and just involved a quick memory wipe of anything relating to the Time Keepers, Loki and Sylvie, or knowledge that the TVA are all variants. The 63 branches may be thanks to something Renslayer is doing like killing all the HWR variants in existence in order to negate the need for the TVA. The branching could also be from Sylvie's revenge still, we have no idea how much time has passed between her killing HWR and a new HWR taking over so the branching she caused could still be an issue.

There have actually been multiple TVAs running simultaneously, each in their own multiverse. Each one employs memory wiped variants, each one is in charge of a certain subset of timelines, and all work under the one HWR. Sylvie used HWR's tempad to eject Loki back to the TVA, but she accidentally sent him to the TVA of a different multiverse not realizing that's a Thing. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing are indeed from Sylvie killing HWR, but there's only 63 as opposed to the countless we saw diverging from Sylvie's perspective because this TVA only sees branches on timelines within their own multiverse. Mobius doesn't know Loki because he isn't our Mobius and in the multiverse he works in maybe Loki's aren't as much of an issue because none of them ever escaped the TVA like Sylvie did (or none of them have Tom's face so he doesn't recognize him as a Loki). If this is the case, then Loki is gonna have to find his way back to his own multiverse in order to be reunited with his Mobius, and that could end up happening thanks to Renslayer. Miss Minutes gave her a file that I suspect only HWR should have access to. Maybe it was tempad coordinates for other multiverses? It took til the 31st century for the multiverses to be connected despite Tony figuring out time travel in the 21st century because travel between universes is much harder, maybe HWR is still the only one who knows how to do that. (If this theory is correct then all the time travel done during Endgame was through timelines within one multiverse) Also just thought of this but what if the reason there are so many extreme variations of loki that grew to adulthood is because the criteria of "sacred timeline" is different in each multiverse. Classic Loki and maybe President Loki and Kid Loki are from the same universe as MCU Loki, but red haired Loki, Croki, Boastful Loki, etc are all from other universes. Think about it, Classic Loki, 2012 Loki, and MCU Loki all have an exact identical path up until their nexus event (or death in MCU Loki's case). I think other than identifying as female, Sylvie's childhood was identical as well and that her nexus event was coming to terms with her adoption as a child, which erased the catalyst of 2011 Thor's plot and would've changed everything for her future path. Had her adoption remained a secret and she grew up on asgard, I believe her story would mirror MCU Loki's. It mildly hit me weird that there would be such wild variation amongst Lokis, even with him being a shapeshifter, because there's a rigid sacred timeline (that supposedly the MCU movies have all adhered to) and they all felt like too big of a divergence to have been left unchecked so long. If boastful Loki was telling the truth about getting all 6 infinity stones then he should've triggered a nexus event as soon as he got more than the 3 he is "supposed to" interact with, unless in his multiverse the sacred timeline criteria is different. Another theory: the agents employed in each TVA are from multiverses other than the one they're working in. It would make sense, keep them from running into their own past by fully detaching each agent from their home timeline/universe. So the Principal!Renslayer that B-15 found will never in any future become the TVA judge we know. The one we know maybe came from the universe Loki got sent to, and that's how the two of them will end up crossing paths again.

#loki series #loki spoilers #loki #lokius #sylki #sylvie laufeydottir #mobius m mobius #tva loki #time variance authority #loki meta #mcu #marvel

[hamaon]

JGY or WWX?

I feel like a fair disclaimer to give before getting to Wei Wuxian is that I watched the Untamed despite, not because of, wangxian! I originally checked out the beginning of the animated series because someone I followed was getting into it, but I already had an inkling that the main romantic relationship in this romance wouldn’t be my cup of tea. The Untamed followed, more than half a year later, really only because I had hit the gorgeous soundtrack on youtube.

How I feel about this character Part of the reason I presumed I wouldn’t be into wangxian was because neither of the main players really spoke to me, and on this account I am happy to have been proven wrong! When I finished the show, Wei Wuxian was probably my favorite character. There's something very satisfying about a surface-level heroic main character hitting his absolute lowest points and starting to be actively harmful to himself and others. “This is all I’ve ever wanted for the class clown type of character”, I think I said at some point. Let it all burn.

I go back and forth on whether I find the flightier parts of his personality charming or annoying, but it’s a spectrum. The Untamed version is my favorite, character-wise.

All the people I ship romantically with this character Nie Huaisang, in the sense that, what with their roles in the plot, it would be fascinating to see how things would play out if this was the main romance, instead. Especially because romance would not be Nie Huaisang’s priority. What would the relationship trajectory even be, teenage sweethearts, ending with a definitive breakup by the finale? I've never sat down with the idea long enough to do anything with it, but sometimes it comes back to me. The main reason I'm into it is because hey, it's the main character & the main driving force behind the story! this is an intellectual puzzle to work out!, but they also had nice, easy chemistry when they were young and seemed to enjoy each other's company, which was something that was... not present in the actual main ship as far as I could see, and apparently my only kink is obvious mutual interest and stability in a relationship. I don't think they really had romantic/sexual chemistry in particular, but hey.

Wen Ning. I just think ningxian is cute. Also has lots of potential for difficult and uncomfortable exploration re: consent and autonomy.

But I think at the end of the day, the only relationship he has that just by the actual shape of it would be something I'd be interested in seeing turn into a romantic and/or sexual relationship is with Wen Qing, which, uh. Yeah. The fond push-and-pull, the two leaders, it’s good stuff. Just a physical relationship during their hunkering together time would be fun, too.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Jiang Cheng. I remember originally being pretty peeved about the fact that the romance (censored or not) is treated as the main focus when the Yunmeng duo is, to me, the real heart of the story. Let Lan Wangji be a supporting character.

I'm not sure if I really want a reconciliation between them, personally, but I want to note that it’s not because I think it would be fundamentally impossible, or because one or both of the characters is genuinely better off without the other. I think it would be very good for them if they managed some sort of genuine healing together!

I don’t want a reconciliation because thinking about their complete and total failure to communicate and consequently never making up makes me experience genuine agony in a very satisfying way. I have in the past gone into people's tags for the two of them and managed to work myself into a sobbing mess within five minutes. It is extremely cathartic.

My unpopular opinion about this character That time when he walks into a Jin party and starts throwing threats 3-2-1, part of me is going “fuck yeah” and part of me is looking at all the collateral damage servants trying to stay out of the way in the background, who never asked to be terrorized by this very powerful man. It’s not something that makes me dislike the character in any way or form, as stated before if anything it just makes him more interesting to me, I just don’t think that it was an uncomplicatedly ‘cool’ moment.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon The man should be actually responsible for his own misdeeds. I’ve heard people say that this was a censorship thing, but I have no sources on that.

And A-Yao gets to go under a read more.

How I feel about this character Continuing down the nostalgia lane, my initial reactions were “this man smiles very deliberately” and, towards the end, “man, fuck the gentry, you should get to win”.

I, hm. It feels sometimes like there are two kinds of opinions that fans have, and I don’t connect with either of them! There’s the “this character is an unrepentant asshole and I’m proud of that, you don’t need to make up sympathetic motivations for villains” which, while I agree that he can justify a lot to himself, just doesn’t ring true to me. I think that many of his actions were either forced by the circumstances, or understandable, or sympathetic and made with decent intentions, or not particularly bad compared to shit that other characters and their society as a whole gets to.

Obviously there are all these breakdowns about the specific acts of altruism that he does that in-universe are rare from someone that high up in power, and those are great, but even without all of that, he was a stable, peaceful, competent ruler who wasn’t doing any large-scale nasty shit after a series of complete nightmares on the throne, and upsetting that long-standing balance should bring about repercussions for several social classes that does more harm than anything he was individually doing at any point.

As for the other take, there’s the “oh no he’s so small and so cute and should be pampered so much” which I don’t... get, emotionally, and additionally it is reaaal hard for me to see the character as someone who either wants or would even particularly enjoy being the one being taken care of. Usually my response is-

There’s that part during Nie Mingjue’s capture in Empathy where he’s just, running the whole show? Like, on one hand it is very important that he’s probably the weakest person in the room, and might lose in a direct confrontation against even the random soldiers standing to the sides, and if he plays his cards wrong or even sub-optimally one of the two big strong cultivators in his vicinity is going to pulverize him, and also aware of all of this at all times and living in low-key terror. But also -- he pulled it off.

If I’m working myself toward some emotional response with “A-Yao small” it doesn’t end with “someone should hold him 🥺” but with “and doesn’t that just make it all the sweeter that he sat on that throne”. (I have two kinks, and the other one is power reversal.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character Only Lan Xichen, really, but there are some tentative side paths to take!

Qin Su, in that the initial attraction would be fun to explore, and then it becomes less about the relationship dynamic and more about the underlying horror.

Nie Huaisang, in a not-particularly-serious, one-sided, never-happened-and-now-it-never-will kind of way. The ideal would be Jin Guangyao thinking of Nie Huaisang as a tiring but cute little brother figure (he doesn't have those, all of his family relationships sans mom take a weird turn at some point! this one sure is about to!), while Nie Huaisang has a lil crush, and then it goes all the way to hell. ...And I know that I set “won’t happen” as a precondition, but I guess if there was a character who keeps the (fierce or not) corpse of the late Chief Cultivator close in an effort to feel alive post-canon, Nie Huaisang is the one I’d want for that role.

Jiang Cheng, because that family unit is so under-explored in canon, and because out of a handful of favorite characters these two are usually my number one, so watching them interact with each other can be fun just because of that. But in my heart of hearts I want Jiang Cheng to stay forever single by choice, and really I'm just here for platonic family shenanigans with Jin Ling. (I've written some of this, but out of everything it's probably the least likely to ever see the light of day.)

But really only Lan Xichen. When I was watching the early episodes and didn't remember the characters well and in my head these two were only “the disturbingly handsome older brother” and “a bit part soldier (lol) from some other sect” I really imprinted on that goodbye scene, like damn, look at these characters who are friendly with each other and showing obvious interest. It's only the circumstances that are getting in the way! If I were to ever read fic from this show, it would be these two. (This was all a counter-reaction to early wangxian haha.) But increasingly it goes to show that what I'm really into is people having mutual and mutually recognized affection for each other, the negotiated part in the relationship being less about whether it'll happen and more about how to go about it. More romances that start with getting together instead of ending there.

I am laughing at my past self here though, after actually finishing the show my thoughts on xiyao were that it was nice that it was both there and stable (until, you know) and unknowable, whatever the shape of their relationship in private they are aware of it and have made their peace with it, and that's all I need to know, and now I'm sitting here with several WIPs, wondering if this is what finally pushes me to start publishing fanfiction.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Lan Xichen. No, I’m not interested in a non-romantic* read on their relationship, yes, I just want him here, too.

Also, the only other relationships of note here are with Meng Shi, Jin Ling and Qin Su, and using ‘non-romantic OTP’ for any of those feels off to me. Meng Shi and Jin Ling are at too much of an uneven level, Qin Su doesn’t reach OTP levels even if the romantic filter is off. Su Minshan and Xue Yang might be a better fit, but again, OTP level is too high. Early-canon Nie Huaisang... maybe.

*non-sexual is fine. never officially getting together w/mutual acknowledgement is fine.

My unpopular opinion about this character I think I already went off, so. The hat is fine, and the hate sounds performative and weirdly ignorant at times. I don't love the Untamed version, but it’s fine and the ones in other adaptations are fantastic, even. The warm yellow-brown combination looks really nice. More of the characters should wear hats, actually! Which I realize is an opinion influenced by historical Japanese and Korean dramas, which are of a different genre altogether (also not Chinese, but hats in official settings are a constant in all of these cultures). Nevertheless.

I wish it was used only post-timeskip in the Untamed, too, though, for more variety in costuming and to further differentiate the pre- and post-timeskip versions of the character.

...................................and a specific xiyao pet peeve also: I am becoming increasingly wary of the... either super common or I just happen to keep finding these, take where he’s some sort of unwilling/particularly hesitant participant in this relationship. Like I went back to watch parts of episode 4 (to figure out why it was that I was so sure Meng Yao would be swinging a sword around in future episodes and my conclusion is: because everyone else was swinging theirs) and even the initial interactions in the goodbye scene are like-

Meng Yao literally runs up to a guy waaay out of his league like “Hello I am bringing myself Forth because I have the audacity to assume you might Personally Want to Know that I am leaving and here are some pretty personal reasons why (gosh you really are lovely)”

Reactions I’ve seen to this: look at the little dude running away from his emotions

Me: w h a t

And then the natural conclusion here is that Lan Xichen is there to love him (with his dick and/or sunny personality) until he’s forced to accept it [serene face emoji] and it makes me. Not enjoy it much.

Ofc this doesn’t include normal human hesitations one might have about... anything and everything in life, really, but when it’s treated like this automatic character/relationship hurdle I’m just hhhh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon I'm pretty satisfied with things as they stand? Just like the relationship between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian makes me feel cathartic agony, Jin Guangyao's fate makes me feel cathartic rage. Look at the low-born bastard child go down the stairs of life, one last time!

......Sometimes I have my weak moments and do wish he had gotten away in the end, though.

#tägäämätön #huaisang gets around in this hm #xiyao-feels

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

How do you think a romance between Karma and Nagisa would work? Esp with Nagisas mother and Karmas lack there of.

Honestly this is a really hard question. 

Controversial but, I don’t think a relationship between Karma and Nagisa would work very well. At least, not without some serious work on both of their parts. I think they’re both emotionally damaged in a lot of ways, and whilst that can help a couple to support each other, it can also hinder them entirely. 

There’s also the factor of Korosensei’s death. Like, either that pushes them together, or it entirely pulls them apart. It’s hard to tell from the canon material, although we know that they still spend time together. 

Let’s evaluate the few things we know: 

Nagisa avoided seeing Karma in their final year of high school. Source for that being the first chapter of korotan d. Nagisa wanted Karma to focus on his exams and get into a good university. Kind of implies Karma was happy to do the opposite, and also has enough thought for Nagisa to text him in the middle of his exam. They meet up later, at a restaurant they go to often. I’d take all of this to imply that at least during the other two years of high school, they still met frequently enough. 

They probably still saw each other a little during university. The thing is, university in Japan is widely considered the easy part of education. Once you’ve suffered enough to actually get into the school, the actual work load isn’t hard. So it’s plausible they’d have plenty enough time to see each other. However, in 365 days, Karma says ‘久し���り’ (hisashiburi) which is a set phrase that means something like “it’s been a long time”. Now, take this with a pinch of salt, because Japanese people sometimes use this phrase if it’s been only a few weeks. So,,, maybe they saw each other, maybe they didn’t, but definitely it’s been a little while between their last meeting and the events of that movie. Also note that Nagisa seems to know what day Karma’s interview is, so you can assume they at the very least text. 

We know they see each other at least semi regularly due to Karma’s chapter in the graduation album. They’re drinking (presumably at one of their houses) and Nagisa complains that Karma always gets him drunk, and Karma says he does it so he can freely bitch about his work. So like, my genuine unbiased by ship thought on this is that they do hang out a lot. 

I understand this question could also be taken hypothetically, but I don’t know. 

I can’t see them getting together at all during their teen years, as much as I love to write cute lil teen romance head canons. Nagisa’s far too focused on his work, I think (which is exactly what Kayano says when asked about him, that he has no time to give anyone a romantic glance), and Karma needs a lot of emotional development. Especially as you said, with the sheer lack of good parental influence with the both of them. I think by the time they’re both adults, they’d be just mature enough for each other to actually make that spark between them into a warm cabin fire as opposed to hell flames. 

But yeah, it would take work. Lots of uncharacteristic patience on both of their ends. I also don’t think they’d ever get into a relationship in a traditional way. I can only see them getting closer and closer until the fact that it’s not platonic anymore is undeniable. 

When they get to the stage of actually being in a relationship, though, I think it would work well. They’d be good for one another. Even though he makes fun of him, I genuinely think being with Karma would make Nagisa more confident, and also show him that there’s more to life than just work. And I think being with Nagisa would make Karma more kind and thoughtful. They’d open up each other’s worlds. 

But, like I said, they this crazy spark between them. Whether that’s tamable or just ends in disaster… that’s a story for after a huge amount of work. 

#this got out of hand #ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #karmagisa

[riverdalecentralbheg]

This was really hard to write and I've been debating whether or not to post this...so here goes nothing.

Toxic relationships can come in all sorts of forms and shapes and sizes and sometimes we have issues recognizing when one we are in is a toxic relationship. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationship, but familial and platonic relationships as well. They can be abusive, in multiple forms, physical, mental, and emotional. We are easily able to identify when a relationship is physically abusive unlike mental and emotional abusive relationships. I personally have been in a relationship that is mentally and emotionally abusive, he used to discredit my depressive episodes, when I’d get suicidal he’d either stop talking to me or just act like it was nothing. He’d brush it off when I was sad, saying it was a choice, but that’s the thing…with depression it really isn’t a choice, I don’t get to choose when the sadness inside me takes over, I don’t get to choose when I want to get out of bed. I may pretend to be happy, but most of the time I’m hiding my true feelings. When I’d get anxious he’d tell me, “It’s all in your head,” or “Knock it off, you’re fine.” But I wasn’t and he just didn’t want to put up with it. The signs came early in the relationship, but I ignored them because I believed that he loved me despite his lack of empathy. I thought it was a flaw I could over look, but as my anxiety continued to grow and in super high stress social situations, I realized maybe it wasn’t. We went to see the Def Leppard concert in September of 2016 and when we got to the concert my anxiety was barely there so I was able to keep it check, as the night wore on he walked off with his best friend leaving me there with the best friends’ wife. They were gone for over half of the concert all the while my anxiety just continued to grow and I started to exhibit physical symptoms, something I had never done before. It’s hard to explain, but it’s similar to jazz hands, but they were acting on their own accord. Eventually everything went away, but the next night was awful.

We went out to dinner with his best friend and the best friend’s wife from the night before, when we arrived at the restaurant there was a security guard for a company, I can’t recall at this point in time, but he approached our table and made a joke to make us trust him. I had a bad feeling and my anxiety started to act up a little bit,  As the night went on he started to tease and asked if I was my boyfriend’s younger sister, that then turned into him asking numerous questions and my anxiety continued to get worse. My hands started to shake like they had the night before, the best friends’ wife could tell something was bothering me but didn’t speak up. Neither my boyfriend nor his best friend noticed. The guy continued to try to befriend us and at one point he reached up and he physically grabbed my ponytail and yanked on it, at this point my legs started to bounce uncontrollably. I had to excuse myself from the table and I hid in the bathroom for 25 minutes, no one came looking for me. I finally got sick of being ignored and went back to the table, my boyfriend didn’t act like anything had happened and finally the security guard left. As he let the restaurant I burst into tears and we quickly left and went back to the best friend’s apartment. No one bothered to see if my anxiety was okay or not and I ended up going home earlier than I wanted to. Throughout the whole night my boyfriend had done one thing to try to calm me down, he’d put his hand on my leg under the table, but every time the security guard got up to get more food my boyfriend told me to “Calm down, you’re fine.” Or his favorite phrase, “Knock it off you’re overreacting.”

Look at the situation from my point of view, I had been uncomfortable from the beginning and neither my boyfriend nor his best friend when the guy actually touched me had said anything, they kept quiet. This is the most extreme example that I have but it gets my point across. Mental health disorders are real, no matter how much you don’t want them to be they are. They always will be. This is how I have been mentally abused. Now onto the emotional abuse; same guy, same relationship, but different kind of abuse. I am emotionally damaged because of this abuse. When we were together I’d say something that I had an opinion on or something I felt strongly about and he would laugh at me. Yes he laughed at me, or he’d say that was stupid and start to put me down. Then one day I started feeling like it was my fault he was laughing at me or putting me down and calling me stupid and I did the worst think I ever could have-I started to apologize. I apologized for voicing my thoughts on the conversation we were all having; I apologized for telling him that I loved him; I even apologized for taking my medications for my mental health. I apologized for everything, and eventually I started to apologize for apologizing. I apologized for EVERYTHING, and when I go out with guys now, I warn them that I do this because of the things I’ve been through, if we get close I tell them the whole story, and why I’m afraid to get close to anyone anymore, because the last time I did I almost lost myself. I’ve never gotten close enough with anyone since then to tell them this, and I left this relationship a year ago.  Time can heal things, but it can’t fix everything. You have to work towards it too.

Just recently I removed two separate people from my life. One was someone I’d considered by best friend and my parents and my other friends had been warning me about her for a while, but I ignored them. She was my best friend how could I just walk away? But I came to realize that she had been using me. We’d been up to Logan twice to visit our friends/family and this last time things really fell apart. On Friday afternoon I dropped her off at her old roommates place and left to go hang out with my dad’s cousins for a bit while they had a small college party. I called her as I left my dad’s cousins place about two hours later letting her know I was on my way back to the apartment where we’d be staying, or so I thought. As she answered the phone she let me know that they were just picking up the drinks and heading back to the apartment. It was late and I was tired, and I snapped, we’d planned that weekend just for us and she was throwing it away. I ended up staying with my dad’s cousin the entire weekend, and I hadn’t been planning on watching general conference but I went to my dad’s best friends’ house and watched it with their family. I really needed it that weekend. I missed the Saturday afternoon session because I was running around town with my best friend but I ended up watching all of it on Sunday and when I dropped her off at her friends’ house things were strained between us. Two and a half weeks later, we had a huge argument. She got mad at me for telling her she’d need to find her own ride home from work since I didn’t have time to take her home, then take my sister home, and still be on time for class. She blamed me saying that I’d left her to find a ride to work at the last minute three times, twice yes, but once I’d given her a two week notice; once had been because I’d woken up late and I couldn’t pick her up and still be on time myself, and she knew that my attendance came first, and the second time had been because I’d had a huge mental breakdown when I woke up and several more on my way to work. The one she knew about was when I had a doctors’ appointment. I was done. She blamed me for things that were not even close to being my fault. She said if I couldn’t pull it off there was no point in us carpooling to work or even being friends, so I ended it. I asked for the hoodie I’d bought her back and she argued with me, and I was trying to be nice until she texted me this, “You can have your hoodie back, but next time maybe you should buy things from your own school, and stop trying to fit in somewhere you don’t belong.” That was my breaking point. She knew I struggled with fitting in and she pushed it until I pushed back. I completely came unglued. Long story short, we are no longer friends and I don’t have to worry about her anymore. Besides I’m happier without her, I don’t need a friend to make me happy. I can be happy by myself.

The second person I took out of my life is a guy I’d met on Mutual by the name of Luke, we’d been trying to go on a date for about four months when I finally got sick of rescheduling. I’d only had to cancel on him twice, once because of a family emergency, and the second time because I’d gotten sick, he’d cancelled on me about 5 times all because of things with friends. He got mad at me and accused me because I’m not available any other night except for Friday and Saturday nights. That’s because I have work Mon-Friday 7-3:30. Classes after work on Monday from 5:30-6:50, Tuesdays from 6-7:20, Wednesdays from 5:30-6:50 and 7-8:30, and Thursdays from 6-7:20 and I use the time after classes to do homework, study and spend time with my family. Finally I told him that there was no point on going on a date if he couldn’t understand that weekends were the only thing that actually worked for me, and I wouldn’t budge because it’s not like we were dating, had we been exclusive it’d be a different story.

In short toxic relationships can seriously damage you. But time, prayer, and Trust in God can help heal you. I know that God is there for us no matter what happens; I know that God and Jesus Christ love us and only want the best for us. I know this church is true, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

#personal #faith #religious #LDS #Toxic Relationship #toxic people #personal growth #me

[nevospitanniy]

Rambly Teen Wolf/Big Wolf On Campus meta

Preface this by saying I didn’t expect to actually get into TW. This show kicked me in the teeth, balls and every organ I do and do not possess. If I’m going to be any degree of helpful, I need some structure up in here. Fair warning, it’s just like my opinion man.

1. Characters

Tommy is Scott. A werewolf with a heart of gold that cares deeply about people around him. It’s explored much more in depth with TW, duh - they had more seasons, more money and a higher age rating, using more drama and angst. But the outline is definitely there: they are both introduced to the fantastic world of lycanthropy by their extremely knowledgeable and helpful buddies (Merton/Stiles respectively), can be shitty to their best friends (Tommy throwing Merton under the bus to save his popularity/Scott abandoning Stiles for Allison multiple times), take on the role of the designated savior of the town from supernatural threats, prefer non-lethal methods, are Alphas (Tommy’s status could be contested, I guess, but the show never put an actual emphasis on pack dynamics, probably they thought it was too odd of a concept to start explaining because then you have to get to the whole omega part and that is c o m p l i c a t e d), fight organized evil!werewolves, had two main love interests, none of which held up (yeah, weaksauce, but I thought I’d still put it out there), kinda subpar in academics but good athletes. Scott gets so much more actual character development it’s not even funny, while Tommy just sort of meanders in what he has and gets dumbed down a lot for seasons 2/3.

Merton is Stiles, no shit. A nerd best friend, a friend in need more importantly, a loyal (mostly) spastic (very) companion. Dynamic between sciles and tommerton (platonically) is quite different because of how their backstories differ - after all, Scott and Stiles have known each other since forever, while Tommy pays attention to Merton only after being bitten, when they become friends almost out of necessity. But there is no denying that all four of them, in their respective duos, are joined at the hip, oftentimes with an inclusion of a girl to break up their awesome bromance (Allison/Lori and Stacy). Merton/Stiles go unappreciated for their efforts a lot, especially if you consider they are human and yet get into the same exact shit as fast and durable werewolves, surviving by wits, last ditch effort loyalty change (Merton) or a fear override (Stiles) and saving the day half of the time because they actually do research. Both seem to have a penchant for magic (unsubtly implied but never expanded upon for Stiles), both are comedic reliefs, even if in slightly different ways as commanded by the genre, both are excellent students, both are mostly unsuccessful with women and ambiguously bi/pan/omni, if you consider the technically non-human options. Complicated family relationships. Both have abandonment/commitment issues, both room (jury is still out there for sciles because of 6b) with their best friends in college. As for notable differences, Stiles undergoes a massive character transformation, a monumental shift, I’d say - not exactly doing a 180, but inching closer than any other character to actual plot relevant growth, and not for better, which is a rarity. Merton’s personality also changes for the worse, but it’s a result of clumsy writing and forced female presence in the shows plot as a romantic crutch. It would be interesting if fan meta on Merton’s less ehh flattering moments was expanded upon and explained in the series; what I wouldn’t give for an actual quality heart to heart between Tommy and Merton Ike every show nowadays seems to have in abundance, where they call each other out on their issues.

Women are more complicated. There are no exact parallels, barring the very basic archetypes, which would do no justice to any of the four, namely Allison and Lydia for TW and Lori and Stacy for BWOC. But yes, Allison is close to Lori - a fighter, someone who can take it and dish it out. Problem with Lydia/Stacy comparison is that it breaks down as soon as Lydia gets a sliver of character development, because at first, her queen bee status definitely resonated with Stacy, but while she was put on a bus without any real involvement in the show’s plot, Lydia becomes downright plot essential.

2. Writing

BWOC had an incredible season 1, with select episodes of season 2 being very good and, well, we don’t talk about season 3. Point being, even with the constraints of a cheap Canadian show for kids it managed some genuine brilliance, I’m sure in a big way thanks to the chemistry between cast members (specifically the two of consequence). Monster Of The Week format certainly seemed to work well for them, and I will forever mourn the loss of all the potential arcs and plot twists that never saw the light of day. TW had the privilege of, despite a mediocre display in season 1, becoming popular enough to spawn 5 more seasons, and I think they definitely had very strong moments, most of them carried on the back of Dylan O'Brien, like void!Stiles, relationship between him and his dad, and yes, his relationship with Derek, which turned out to be largely inconsequential to the plot (writers queerbaited the f u c k out of its audience and then just did nothing of worth with the pairing, BUT THATS HARDLY RELEVANT). I don’t know whether Peter Knight is just that good or the innocent nature of BWOC lends itself to less complicated plots and finished stories, but most BW episodes were microcosms, closed systems that had little bearing on any overarching storylines. They provided closure, well-defined villains and good guys, which is a very appealing quality, if a touch simplistic. I admit, I would’ve liked to see something with more “depth” and conflict, but the restrictions of the channel/network/rating are nothing to sneeze at. TW on the other hand ties almost every episode into another, weaving a continuous storyline. Personally, I think they should’ve done more one off episodes to break up the monotony of waiting for action set pieces. You need some hella witty dialogue to keep people watching while fuck all is happening and they sort of failed at that (again, Stiles carried most of the comedy). Almost everyone in BWOC is uniquely likable; TW has a much bigger cast so they definitely had ups and down as far as character writing was concerned.

Main problem with this whole disjointed comparison is how you can’t compare things that aren’t on the same level. It’s not a dig at quality or anything, but TW had 6 seasons and a huge budget, while BW barely got 3. TW and BWOC kinda started in a similar vein, but boy do they differ. That being said, I have an inkling that BW may have ended up looking a lot like TW in different circumstances - if it was made at a later date, on another channel, with a different rating/audience in mind. But then again, a lot of good things BW is liked for are a direct result of these aforementioned “hurdles” - all the double entendres would never fly for a tv-14 rated show, its generally cheerful and uplifting tone was probably required by the network and being a child of the 90s it carried a lot of charm that would be borderline impossible to fabricate now if they wanted to keep the ~aesthetic. So I can only compare real TW with hypothetical BWOC that got a bigger budget and more screentime. But doing that makes NO SENSE, so imma just finish with some general thoughts about the direction show might’ve gone.

I genuinely think that in different circumstances, Merton could’ve had a wonderfully dark character development. He’s a non-violent character, but does have this morbid curiosity that could’ve put him eventually in a position to cause grievous bodily harm to someone. He seems to get off on power play (both having power over someone and surrendering it), and that’s a slippery slope for an emotionally tender and damaged character. Tommy is his rock in a number of ways, his human connection outlet, a more teen oriented show would, of course, use his ‘scars’ to carry the narrative of overcoming tragedy. Merton does the same for Tommy, being his emotional support, because how liberating it must be to not hide his werewolf side and he could do it literally with 1 (one) person before Lori came into focus. Queerbait aside, their relationship was great, a deep involved friendship, and with Tommy being so resistant to evilness and Merton being so easily corruptible, they could’ve played off this contrast in a way more interesting than what we saw in s3.  

I also would’ve loved to see some female characters that aren’t barely two-dimensional; Stacy was, in one word, confused - we know very little of her actual personality, aside from her feminism rhetoric and an allergy to committed relationships. Lori was ‘the action girl’, and she got a slightly bigger piece of pie, but still not nearly enough. Fuck, I don’t even know if the show passes a Bechdel test. TW showed us actual fleshed out female friendships that weren’t toxic or competitive, would’ve been nice to see something of the sort in BWOC.

#teen wolf #big wolf on campus #readme.txt

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

What Do u think About Bamon in general? Platonic or no?

I freakin’ love them. Here’s where you can read some of my thoughts about them (x) (x) (x). 

But yeah, I definitely ship romantic Bamon. It wasn’t an instant thing, they grew on me over the course of season 6, but their chemistry is just so incredible and it pulls me in every single time. I haven’t even watched the show since season 6, but the one thing I’ve watched consistently is Bamon scenes. I regularly check the tags and watch their videos on YouTube, because there’s something about them when they’re together…they just come alight. It’s such a different dynamic than any of the other relationships on the show and I see a completely different side to both of them when they’re with each other that I don’t see when they’re with anyone else. 

Plus, Bamon has just really made me love Damon’s character again. Way back in the early seasons Damon was one of my favourite characters, but between his constant pining and whining over Katherine and Elena I grew so tired of him. When he’s with Bonnie I see a Damon that I can get on board with. There’s a vulnerability and sincerity in him that Bonnie brings out. She makes him more aware of who he is, the things he’s doing, she makes him question that and makes him want to be a better person. He genuinely cares what she thinks of him and you can see that. He doesn’t want to let her down or disappoint her, but he’s consistently done that to everyone he loves so he pushes her way because she’s just too important and special for him to do that to her out of everyone. 

I see that lot of people don’t ship them or agree with them based on the fact that Damon has put Bonnie through a hell of a lot and they think she deserves better. I do understand why, but for me it just adds a new layer to their relationship by creating conflict and issues that they need to overcome. 

Here’s the honest truth of the matter: Damon is damaged. He’s so damaged that he doesn’t even seem to realise when he does something messed up, he’s just so used to following the same negative patterns of behaviour and no, it shouldn’t be a woman’s responsibility (or anyone else’s for that matter) to fix him, but it’s kind of inevitable that it has to happen. Damon needs help, he needs someone to be there for him, to remind him when he’s being an ass, to give him direction and guidance and support. What Damon needs is a strong, passionate woman that is mature, emotionally developed and capable of independent thought and that person is Bonnie. We saw what the writers did with D*lena, using Elena as Damon’s humanity and his morality and whether we like it or not, any Damon relationship whether it’s with Elena or Bonnie or Katherine or any other woman, will always have that aspect involved, because Damon needs that. But here’s the important part; with Bonnie it’s different. With Elena, Damon literally projected all of his issues directly onto her and used her as a catalyst for his humanity, but Elena never actually actively did or said anything to help Damon be a better person. Damon just convinced himself that she did because he wanted it to be true. But with Bonnie, she does. Like I said, she tells him when he’s doing something wrong, she’s not afraid to stand up to him, to reject his apology if she knows he’s in the wrong, but at the same time, she accepts that deep down he��s a good person that is trying to be better and she wants to help him do that. But what’s even more interesting is that just seeing Bonnie hurt by his actions is enough to make Damon remorseful and want to change. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve never seen Damon react like that with Elena. When he hurts Bonnie it’s like he can’t stand it, it eats him up and it tortures his soul, but with Elena, he actually did things to deliberately hurt her. And I think evidence of this can be seen by the fact that when Elena had no memories in season 6 Damon said he didn’t want her to be happy, he wanted her to be as miserable as him. But what did he say to Bonnie in 8x10? “I hope it’s the happiest life, because you are an amazing woman.” See the difference? Damon is starting to show that he is capable of selfless love with Bonnie, which is something we’ve never really seen from him before. 

As for Bonnie, despite the utter crap she’s had to put up with from Damon, he’s good for her too. I think Bonnie is the kind of character that needs a challenge, someone that’s going to keep her on her toes and Damon is that for her. But more than that, he protects her, makes her feel safe and I think that’s important for Bonnie, because she’s constantly put in the path of danger. And like I mentioned in a previous post, Damon is the first person that’s actually consistently put Bonnie first and treated her as an actual person. Bonnie has been constantly overlooked and mistreated across the entirety of the show and I think the biggest thing that I notice is that she’s perceived as a witch and a solution to problems, rather than just Bonnie. And even the people that are supposed to be her best friends never thank her or show their appreciation. In season 6, Damon was the first one that acknowledged everything Bonnie had done for him and everyone else, he actually challenged Elena (because she was making everything about her as always) and said that he wanted to save Bonnie for Bonnie. Damon stopped making everything about Bonnie about Elena or magic or anything else and he made it about Bonnie. That’s so important. When Elena was put into the coma she said to Bonnie to let her make this sacrifice so Bonnie could live and that she wanted to do it after everything Bonnie had done for her. No, Elena had no choice but to sacrifice herself for Bonnie because Kai created the spell and Damon decided he wanted to keep Bonnie alive for Bonnie. Bonnie deserves that so much. She deserves someone that loves her, that puts her first and Damon does. 

And putting all of the deep stuff aside, Bonnie and Damon just have such an amazing dynamic. They have fun, they tease each other and naturally bounce off one another. I mean, they spent three entire months together on The Other Side. That is approximately 2,190 hours they spent in each other’s company, with no one else to talk to but each other. Imagine how much they learned about each other, how well they got to know each other, the comfortableness they built up. Honestly, I don’t know many people that could spend that much time together alone and not develop a significant and intimate bond that becomes something romantic. Generally the thing that makes people fall in love is getting to know someone on a deeper level. Hearing them speak about their fears, their hopes, their dreams, their past, their likes and dislikes; seeing them in every state of being there is, first thing in the morning, when they’ve just got out the shower, the dark circles under their eyes because they haven’t slept for days because they’re nervous about something, when they’re tears streaming down their face and snot running down their nose, when they’re laughing hysterically and accidentally snort, when they’re singing along to a song and don’t know anybody’s listening. You get the idea. All of these things are what Bonnie and Damon saw when they were together for those three months. Having that kind of closeness, getting to know someone that deeply, seeing every side of them that there is…it nearly always leads to one or both of those people falling in love with each other. 

And that’s what I love about Bonnie and Damon. There’s so much development and depth there, yet at the same time such a lightheartedness. They have the domesticated, adorkable best friend side of their relationship, where they sit around doing crossword puzzles, making pancakes, Damon teases Bonnie about Mrs Cuddles, Bonnie teases Damon about his collection of 90s music. But they also have the angsty, complex, intricately messed up side of their relationship where they argue, challenge each other, hurt each other and even hate each other. When those two elements come together it creates such a beautiful and interesting dynamic. There’s just so much potential there with them, so much that could be done, so many intriguing aspects to their relationship, the possibilities and just endless and I think that’s what’s so exciting about Bamon.

#answered #the vampire diaries #bamon #my meta #tvd meta

[withacorkscrew-blog]

Sherlock: The Lying Detective

**Sherlock analysis/spoilers below**

In which some people don’t understand what makes villains villainous, what makes characters human, and the difference between love and disaster (or style and substance). 

And in which, again, “some people” does not refer to Sherlock Holmes (mostly).

Also ft. the id!fic I very specifically asked to not ever see, and sadness. 

Starting with the easiest bits, going towards the hardest. 

Does this give us an arc? The return of Billy. The return of Irene Adler. Appearances by Mrs Hudson and Molly and Lestrade and Lady Smallwood. Redbeard, too. The return of a whole bundle of visual motifs: Sherlock’s case wall, Sherlock’s violence towards his case wall, an almost replica of the shot following Irene Adler’s drugging of Sherlock, Sherlock’s deduction with the window and the attendant visual affects, Sherlock’s juvenile wit with the Bollocks map, Benedict Cumberbatch seeming to infuse a certain amount of joy into the role again during Sherlock’s breakdown...a lot of old favorites returned to the show this week, and it felt good. In the moment. But, at least to this point, those pieces don’t feel like they fit together. The underlying logic that would unite them isn’t there. It could be! What if Billy had given Sherlock some of the memory drug? Or what if Mrs Hudson and Billy were in cahoots to get Sherlock the least damaging drugs since, as she points out, her husband was a drug dealer? What if more of the characters interacted with each other? Or did more than their professions, since we get Molly doctoring and Lestrade detectiving, and none of the cohesive human interactions that make the characters feel like more than props? But none of that happened. Maybe the next episode will create that, but at this point It isn't betting odds imo. Not impossible, but not looking great,

Do Mofftiss understand what makes villains villainous? Culverton could have been brilliant political allegory and a psychologically haunting villain. The idea that power creates opportunities for deadly, consequence-free callousness couldn’t be more timely for either European or US audiences. The idea of a rich, powerful man who takes joy in removing people’s agency, who will discard their lives for fun, and who gets away with joking about it on TV...well. The problem is that Mofftiss don’t understand the psychology of marginalization and precarity well enough to understand why that’s a horrific scenario, what’s at stake, how it feels to face down a power that can hold your life in its hands and decide what to do with you based on a whim. They’re closer to being that power than being subject to it (and that’s one reason why this story would’ve been better told in someone else’s hands). That terror is what would’ve made Culverton work. Instead, we get close-ups of his teeth which, like Magnusson’s face-licking, were affectively gross, but not worth more emotionally then a perfunctory wince, and that does more to tell us more how Mofftiss feel about ugly people than it does to establish investment in this nemesis or Sherlock’s victory over him. Reducing him to a fallible, clownish, one-off villain is a waste, and the lack of understanding is telling and terrible.

Did Mofftiss mean to write the TV equivalent of id!fic? Powerful middle-aged white men who make veiled confessions on TV can get away with murder. Are they even trying for subtlety? I mean, I figured that was just my own reading, but then the back to back “It’s amazing what people will ignore if you’re rich and powerful,” and “With this, I could crack America.” The TARDIS-esque hospital room wallpaper and quick shot to aliens on Culverton’s lot didn’t do much to put me off either. I can no longer tell whether this is self-aware wink-wink nudge-nudging, a total lack of self-awareness, or subconscious leakage. But has anyone checked their airing cupboards?

Do Mofftiss understand what people mean about strong women? Cue maniacal laughter, because we already know the answer. It’s just particularly disappointing in this moment, when these twists could have been really fucking cool. Mrs Hudson is a confident badass and there’s a Holmes sister? That would be brilliant! If it was done brilliantly! So...it isn’t. As much fun as I had watching Mrs Hudson - and it was a lot, until the unease set in - it was so far out of left field I almost hurt my neck trying to look for its source. This is the same Mrs Hudson who jumps at loud noises and cries while being tortured by Americans and can’t tolerate being yelled at by Mycroft - and she’s dodging gunshots and strategically dropping things to handcuff violent drug addicts and convincing the lads downstairs to stuff them in the boot of her sports car? I bought that she might hide a phone in her robe, that sort of matter of fact bravery. I bought her deduction to Mycroft and that she would kick Mycroft’s men out to preserve John’s privacy and emotional space. I’ve long bought that she was exceptional in a number of ways. But put all that in a classic mid-life-crisis-mobile and add a dose of violence, and I’m not sure whether I’m looking at a Mrs Hudson or a retired Bond Girl. I am pretty sure this isn’t the Mrs Hudson we’ve seen before. And Euros...the first thing we learn about her is that she uses her appearance to deceive. The Holmes brothers work on intellect and emotion. The Holmes sister? Straight to feminine wiles. Her first big reveal doesn’t center around her mind; it revolves around the audience watching her recreate a seduction and begin to undress. It’s as though Mofftiss can’t conceive of “strong women” beyond the femme fatale trope and that’s really limited. To say the least. I want to know what Mrs Hudson listens to on the radio and why. I want to know how Molly decides what to make for lunch and what it was like for her to realize who her boyfriend Jim was. I want to know how Irene Adler learned to adminster tranquilizers. I want to know how Donovan felt about Sherlock’s death and how it is for her working with Lestrade and Anderson. I want women with interior lives, with interests and motivations and relationships that don’t revolve around men. Kind of like all the ones I know in real life. 

Who are these people? I’m losing track. John is becoming a superspy, thanks to his internal marylogue, and making some very Sherlock-esque deductions, especially with that happy birthday at the end. He also can’t forgive Sherlock, even though he forgave him a faked death and a two-year-long disappearance, but still has chats with Mycroft (who he has to tell to stop calling?), and is hallucinating his dead wife, who he never really seemed to like very much, and also, in the midst of that, completely rolls with the fact that yet another person who he thought was dead is not actually? Sherlock was abstracted and  distant in the last episode, and in this one he’s half killing himself to provoke John into rescuing him and giving mini-speeches about how death affects people and confessing that he’s afraid of dying and admitting that he texts Irene Adler back and talking about how he has the terrible feeling that we might all be human and holding John in a soft embrace? Mycroft is calling John all the time and flirting with Lady Smallwood and letting information about Sherrinford/Euros slip out accidentally? Lestrade is unconcerned with Sherlock’s well-being? Mrs Hudson is treating central London like Thunder Road? Who are these characters, and where did they come from? And who will they be next week? 

John and Sherlock - what? This meta going around suggests that John has become abusive. Watching the episode, I wondered if Sherlock had. He self-harms as a form of manipulation, he tests John’s loyalty in all sorts of ways, he makes unilateral decisions about what’s in John’s best interest even when that puts John in danger, he puts responsibility for his well-being on John’s shoulders, he condescends to and belittles John regularly, he lies to him, hides things from him, he faked his own death for two years and abandoned him while there were dozens of other people who knew...while the aforelinked meta makes some great points, Sherlock’s behavior isn’t exactly healthy. My point here is not that Sherlock is the abuser, though. My point is that their relationship is deeply, dangerously toxic, and I’m not sure how, or whether, I can keep rooting for it as either a romance or a friendship. My instinct in watching their interactions is that these are two people who have been so deeply hurt by each other that there’s no coming back, no real possibility of trust and good faith. That doesn’t mean there isn’t also love there, or that there couldn’t also be forgiveness, or that there can’t be moments of connection based on their shared history, in which they try to keep being the sources of support and understanding that they once were to each other. I don’t think, for instance, that their hug was unrealistic. But I also don’t think it was a moment of great support and reconciliation so much as a moment of convenience and/or last resort because, as Mary points out, they don’t have other options. That’s not love, platonic or romantic; that’s codependence. And I can’t imagine a scenario in which they would still be able to have a genuinely healthy relationship. For that matter, I can’t imagine a scenario in which they would be able to have a relationship that’s anything other than mutual enabling. If there’s anything to grant here, it’s that they might both want to be in an mutually enabling emotional conflagration; they’ve both got self-destructive streaks a mile wide, and this way they get all the pain and someone else to blame for it, and humans are complicated. And hey, who knows who they’ll be next week? But it’s not a thing I, personally, can hope to see more of. It’s not a thing I want to watch. It’s not a thing that makes me care for the characters or their relationship. With my last reserves of caring about either of them, I no longer want Sherlock and John to be together, in any capacity. I want them at a good distance, preferably with therapists who aren’t villainous family members in disguise. 

And then there’s the show’s treatment of their feelings for one another, which I am too tired on too many levels to even touch with a damn bargepole.

Where does this leave things? If John and Sherlock - their relationship, their teamwork as partners in crime-solving, their interactions - are the heart of the show (which I think they are), and John and Sherlock have both become so destructive to themselves and each other that their relationship, in any capacity, is one I want to see continue - what’s left? 

This episode gives an answer: flash. There were moments that were genuinely exhilarating. Seeing Mrs Hudson play the badass, the reveal of a Holmes sister, the recurrence of ‘Miss Me,’ Benedict Cumberbatch’s joyfully unhinged drug-addled attempts at case-solving...it was exciting to watch. Stylish, quick, colorful. Empty. And a bit sad. This show was great because it was tight and interesting, because the characters were relatable, because viewers’ attention was rewarded. It was never the flash that made it. When the flash is most of what’s left...that’s not much. 

tl;dr:  :( 

Things to watch:

They’ve introduced a technology that can alter memories; on a show based on deduction and intellect that could be an exceptionally powerful plot device. Was it a one-off, or will they manage to make use of it? And if so, will it be as a weapon, or as someone’s choice? And who gets to decide? Or has it already been used?

See also, the trailer for The Final Problem: “Every choice you’ve ever made, every path you’ve ever taken, the man you are today, is your memory of Euros.” “Your memory of” is an interesting choice of wording, especially since the memory is neither so strong nor so recent that (an admittedly drug-addled but still very observant) Sherlock could recognize her in multiple disguises and on multiple occasions.

Potentially related, Sherlock is intrigued by what drugs do to his mind. Will that become a profitable line of inquiry?  

We keep seeing Redbeard, and it’s clear that that’s important. Is Rebeard an abstract representation of something? Did Euros kill Redbeard? Or is there some parallel there - Sherlock was told they both were sent to live on a farm? Sherlock has confused (or been made confused) one with the other? 

When Sherlock and Mary get shot, we see the bullet in slow motion. When Euros shot, we saw a wisp of smoke, but no bullet. Was it a blank? 

Sherlock not having recognized Euros will probs be a thing too, so therefore a thing to watch, idk.

The female detective who appeared briefly in TST, only to disappear again - was that a character who will recur, sloppy continuity/disposable women, or Euros?

What or who is Sherrinford? Another sibling? A location? A code name? 

What the hell was going on in the Holmes household? 

We still don’t know who sent Mary’s CD. Who? Or is this a continuity issue? Or is the explanation that Mary already knew it was going to happen, which I would roll my eyes v heartily about? 

Who will all of the characters be next week? (It’s an adventure!) 

Random thought: There was a person of color in this episode!  Just pointing it out because that doesn’t always happen. As is, of course, to be expected in contemporary London, where everyone is white. Good times, good times. In addition to all the words spilled on this show’s sexism, perhaps we should dedicate some to this show’s casual racist erasure.

#sherlock #sherlock s4 #sherlock spoilers #the lying detective #sherlock meta

[tsunamiwave-s]

welcome to the #sweetsexysavage plots! these are all kinds of romantic/intimate plots that would’ve inspired kehlani enough to write songs about on her debut album. all genders welcome for any plot! plots can be adjusted, combined, etc. 

in my feelings · a connection that is notorious for going round and round like a carousel. kehlani really likes this person, and they really like her, but not enough to show it as well as they could. whether they admit it or not, they’ve kept kehlani hooked on their line for a long time now. as much as kehlani tries to get away from them and move on, it’s only a matter of time because she answers their calls and the cycle starts again. this person has done some critical damage to her self worth, the longer they toy with her, the longer she quietly lowers her self esteem. 

piece of mind · during their relationship, kehlani eventually grew to be miserable. the drama between them was always constant, no matter how many times she tried to keep the piece they just couldn’t stop fighting. hurtful words were always thrown during arguments, their phones were always blowing up with texts during fights, and everything was blown out of proportion. after the fights, they would come back down from their anger and realized what they were doing, often trying to cover it up with romantic gestures to get her to forget. 

not used to it · holy feelings batman, kehlani has got it bad! she’s full on in love with this person but with the love comes crippling fear. she hasn’t been given a lot of reasons to trust people in her life, which keeps her from embracing the feelings she has for this person. this person is paying for pain they did not inflict. she wants to give them a chance to show her something different, but always seems to chicken out. she probably comes close to letting them in emotionally but then clams up before it can really start. 

everything is yours · written half by her perspective, half by the other person. this person was kehlani’s first real love, so it was intense, and of course crashed and burned. it was inevitable. still, they used to make promises to each other that kehlani still thinks about. this other person promised that no matter what, kehlani was the person for them. even though she broke up with them, they let her know that when she was ready, she could have them back – no matter who they were with or where they were in the world. their favorite pillow talk topic? getting married one day. 

advice · kehlani fell for the wrong person, simple as that (although they may not have intended to be this way). there were a lot of empty promises involved, which eventually lead to their down fall. kehlani truly believed she was in a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love (and goes as far as to describe them as ‘the person of her dreams’) but was looking at the relationship through rose colored glasses. it just wasn’t healthy and she damn near went crazy trying to fix it. their break up was prolonged and kehlani felt as though she had the rug ripped out from underneath her. after their break up, the other person realized what their relationship had done to her and tried to be her friend, but it was too hard for her. 

do u dirty · this person pursued a relationship with her and (like a lovesick fool) actually expected it to last. they saw the good in her and not the damage, so in a sense they idealized her. they fell for her as hard as they did fast, which was a little too much for kehlani. she was just interested in something light and fun, and granted it still was, but it was not mutual. kehlani liked them for sure, but she didn’t fall in love with them. she really broke this person’s heart by giving them a special kind of love (the kind that always has you in your feelings long after its gone) and then leaving because it got too serious. her reason for it was that she was too young for something of that intensity. 

escape · this person is a good (read: great) person and kehlani knows it, which is why she likes them so much. and they like her too, and she knows it, but she’s not letting anything happen between them. why? because she sees the light in them and she knows she’d only end up dimming them. she’s let people get lost in her before, and she has lost herself in others, and she doesn’t want this person to be collateral damage to her destructive tendencies. she feels as though her love is a burden and this person is better off not being cuffed by her. she admires them romantically from a distance. 

too much · to put it simply: kehlani misses having sex/being physically affectionate with this person but does not miss dating them. this person walked away from something good, and while they both may miss it, she’s steering clear of falling back in love with them again. possible a exes turned frenemies with benefits because their chemistry is too good to deny. they can fight and fuck all the other person wants but she’s not interested in anything else. bonus points if they want her back and that’s why they fight a lot. 

get like · look out, y'all, kehlani’s got a crush! after being friends for awhile, these two are sleeping together. they originally started off as just drunk friends being just that but once they realized they had physical chemistry, it was all over for kehlani’s heart. for some reason, she decided to let her guard down for them. now they’ve both got playful crushes on each other and they’re just seeing where it goes. this person is starting to bring out the shy, dorky kehlani (an effect of her having a crush). 

distraction · it is what it is, and these two is friends with benefits. she wants to have fun with someone and get affectionate with someone, but she’s really focused on her own vibe right now and she doesn’t want anything else. this person and kehlani decided to have some fun without the strings (but does it last?) they hang out, they go on casual dates, and they have sex but there are no titles involved. bonus points if it started out that way but got messy later on. 

hold me by the heart · sorry fam i’m so lazy right now, this is basically about a person who took the broken pieces of her and is trying to put her together and is showing her that love doesn’t always have to hurt. 

i wanna be · again i’m so lazy do you see how much i just wrote above?? this song is about getting to know if someone you like/love is worth it and seeing what things could be. she basically wants a promise that its true and is trying to figure out if it can be. 

welcome to the plot page! these are all kinds of romantic/intimate plots that would’ve inspired kehlani enough to write songs about on her debut album. all genders welcome for any plot! plots can be adjusted, combined, etc. 

click for plots based off of her songs (detailed/developed) 

family plots

half siblings: kehlani has a bunch of older half siblings from her dad’s side who she never got to see much growing up and she’s also got half sibling from her mother’s side who she was separated from a few times in her life (must be black, native american, or hispanic) 

foster siblings: for a few brief times in her childhood, kehlani was in the foster system. she could’ve met them in the foster home and stayed in touch. 

cousins: kehlani was adopted by her aunt, and sees her aunt’s children as her own siblings. (preferably someone at least partially black, native american, or hispanic)

platonic plots

neighbors (past or present)

roommates in los angeles

childhood friends

kickback friends (who hang, get high, etc in a chilled environment)

best friend/confidant 

plug/drug dealer

so close they feel like family

romantic plots (recommend clicking above link) 

exes on bad, rocky, or weirdly close terms

friends in skinny love 

ex fling that doesn’t feel finished

intimate plots

friends with benefits

one night stand 

flirtationship 

[sweetsuccesssociety]

Toxic Relationships: How to Know the Signs and What You Can Do About It

Toxic relationships. We’ve all been there at one point or another. The lies, the cheating, the manipulation – unfortunately these are all things we’re all far too familiar with. But are you aware of the subtle signs that you or someone you know are in the middle of a toxic relationship? Here’s what you need to know and what you can do about it.

If you’re interested in hearing about my personal experiences being in a toxic relationship when I was younger, you can head over to my blog, A Daynna Life, to check out How I Survived an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.

1. You’re Withdrawing from other people you care about.

Have you been spending less time with your friends and family? Do you feel like you’re losing connections that you once had? Girlfriend, we’ve all been there, and it sucks. Maybe people are even making you feel guilty about spending less time with them now that you’re in this relationship. As someone who’s been on both sides of that argument, I know it’s not a fun time for anyone involved.

The thing you need to look at is what your motives are behind spending less time with people. Are you doing so because you only want to spend time with your significant other? If the answer to that is yes, I can kind of understand that from my own point of view, but it’s also important to remember than in order to have a healthy romantic relationship, you need to have other relationships outside of your significant other. It’s unhealthy to rely on one person for all of your social and emotional needs, and it’s not super fair to everyone else in your life either to cut them out completely. If the reasoning is because you’re feeling pressured by your significant other to not spend time with your friends, then that, my friend, is one of the first tell-tale signs that you’re in a toxic relationship. You should never have to feel guilty about spending time with your girlfriends or your mom, or anyone who brings positivity to your life for that matter!

2. You find yourself adjusting your own moral compass for the person you’re with.

Perhaps you have people in your life telling you that you’re not being yourself. Maybe somewhere deep down, you agree with them. The thing that makes us who we are is our moral compass, or our values. This includes what we believe in, what we feel is right and wrong, how we view important topics – you get the idea.

The point is that if you need to alter these things in order to make your relationship work, 1. your significant other isn’t appreciating you for you and is trying to change inherent characteristics about you, and 2. it’s probably not going to work out anyway. A relationship should be based on mutual love and respect for who each other are inherently. It’s perfectly okay to not like every single aspect of your significant other (for instance, it is okay to ask them to help you out with the dishes more if that’s an issue or something else relatively menial like that). It is not okay, however, to try and change who someone is inherently. If your values don’t line up, you’re with the wrong person. And if someone tries to change the other person’s values, that is setting the relationship up to be extremely toxic.

It’s okay to not like every aspect of someone. It’s not okay to try and change who someone is… Click To Tweet

3. You’re in a negative mood state more often than not.

Self-reflection is an incredibly important process of self-care in general. It’s even more important when in a difficult situation in any aspect of life, whether that be your relationship, career, etc. When you reflect, are you finding that you’re unhappy more often than not? Do you experience negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, hurt feelings, when you think about your relationship? Believe it or not, this is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. It may take some time for you to be honest with yourself. At the end of the day, if a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, isn’t making you happy then it’s okay to let go of that relationship. In fact, it’s the healthy thing to do.

4. you feel like all of the problems in your relationship are your fault.

Whenever you get in an argument with your significant other, is the end result more often than not you apologizing while they take little to none of the blame for your argument? When you’re upset with them for something they clearly did wrong, do they somehow turn it around on you? When this happens, you often begin to feel like you can’t do anything right. Believe me, girl, I know from past experience, I’m with ya on the fact that this totally sucks. When you’re in the middle of it, you don’t realize what’s happening or why you’re feeling so shitty about yourself.

This manipulation tactic is incredibly common in toxic relationships, and it can really take a toll on your self-confidence. Take a minute and really reflect on your relationship – is this happening to you? If so, know that this pattern of behaviour isn’t a healthy one, and you need to do whatever you need to do to change it. If you don’t, I can speak from experience that the effects on your self-confidence will be detrimental and it’ll take a long time for you to heal from the damage.

5. your relationship pattern consists of the cycle of abuse.

In the world of social sciences, there’s something that many therapists, psychologists, and social workers refer to as the cycle of abuse. Essentially, there’s a consistent pattern seen in the majority of abusive relationships that goes something like this. First, the abusive behaviour occurs. Whether this is physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse, the cycle remains the same. This may be the point where the abused partner wants to leave the relationship (probably the most healthy option in a lot of cases).

Next, the abusing partner may apologize, and they may come across as genuinely sincere in their apology. In many cases, this is to stop the other person from leaving the relationship. The final step is a period of time where the abusing partner is loving, caring, and supportive. It genuinely seems like everything is perfect, which is why a lot of abused partners justify staying with their abusive partner. Everything is perfect… until it’s not. As the word “cycle” implies, tension builds up between the two partners until we’re once again at stage one, the abusive behaviour. Does this sound like your relationship?

6. You fight with your partner often.

You guys, conflict is stressful. It’s not good for anybody to have to deal with conflict on a regular basis. Your significant other is supposed to be someone that you for the most part get along with. I mean, of course you’re not going to agree on everything and some arguments are inevitable. That being said, if you’re fighting with your partner more often than you’re getting along with them, it’s time to do some reflecting on the relationship. Is this person bringing you joy? If not, what are your reasons for being with them?

7. physical altercations have occurred.

Though it may seem obvious, I think it’s important to mention this here. If your significant other has ever physically hurt you or you them, that is an incredibly toxic environment. In a healthy relationship, we should be comfortable being vulnerable with our partner without fear of being abused. If your partner hurts you, that is a huge breech of trust. And what is a relationship without a foundation of trust?

Everyone has their own reasons for staying with someone who has physically abused them (for instance, it may not be safe for them to leave at that time). It’s important to tread carefully in these situations, as things can escalate fairly quickly. Know the situation you’re in and that it’s toxic. Make a plan so that you can safely take care of yourself in whatever way is right for you. In an emergency, call 911 for your local police services.

We should be able to feel comfortable being vulnerable with our partner without the fear of being… Click To Tweet

What can you do about it?

If you think you know of someone who may be in a toxic relationship, it’s important to understand what they’re going through. Whether it’s a friend or a family member, this person, regardless of the situation, has feelings for their suspected abusive partner. Many people in toxic relationships justify pretty much anything their partner says or does (again, speaking from experience).

The more you tell them to leave that person or you talk badly about them, the more they will cling to them and the more distant they will become from you. For this reason, the subject needs to be maneuvered carefully. Let them know that you’re there for them. You can tell them that verbally, or just show them by listening to their struggles, being there for them during the hard times, and being gentle with them. The better friend you are, the more likely they’ll be open to listening to your genuinely caring thoughts.

If you are someone who has realized that your relationship is toxic, first of all, congratulations! It takes a lot of courage and reflection to come to that realization. Many people in your situation have clouded judgment from their feelings. Now you need to decide what you’re going to do about it.

Many people would tell you to just leave the relationship. In the end, this may be your best bet. However, it may be worthwhile talking to your partner first if it’s safe to do so. It’s possible that they don’t realize how their actions are affecting you (depending on exactly what those actions are). If the two of you can come to an agreement that both parties are happy with, maybe you can stick it out for a little while longer to see if anything changes. Or it may just be time to move on. That’s something that you need to decide on your own.

Thank you so much for reading! What are your thoughts on how to handle a toxic relationship? Did I miss any important signs? Let me know in the comments! Also, you can get access to the FREE RESOURCE LIBRARY by signing up for the Sweet Success Society newsletter. With four wonderful contributors, you’re in for a huge variety of content and resources to help you live your most successful life, so I recommend you don’t miss out! Talk to you soon, xo. 

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