#a good crazy of course

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers #they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy #but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure #respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys #I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years #anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period #i was always at my besties house lol #i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever... #bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[rickytickychow]

Okay but like I LOVE the idea of Blitz saying some crazy shit and pissing Stolas off because for all his power Stolas is NOT ready for a relationship with this dude

The idealized Thing Stolas has made Blitz into in his mind is something Blitz will forever feel insecure about, and until that illusion gets shattered Stolas will never Actually respect him.

Blitz has simply resigned himself to the fact that he's not who Stolas thinks he is and Stolas isn't gonna like the real him.

Blitz is traumatized, hasty, temperamental and probably feels pretty pathetic given how many times he's "failed" people. Stolas is a perpetual victim of circumstance and has no idea what being ANY of that feels like (except for being traumatized obviously LMAO).

Blitz is like a magic prince charming to him, and until Stolas matures he's gonna be pretty mad when Blitz doesn't "care" to live up to that

#blitzo #stolas #stolitz #helluva boss #blitz helluva boss #stolas is immature as FUCK this was established in episode TWO #and ofc blitz is.... like That #they both have crazy attachment issues but ironically blitz seems to be the only one who acknowledges that #and blitz's problem is that he “knows” how this ends #and that not holding stolas at arms length would be disastrous #of course stolas assuming otherwise is gonna freak him out #this show is so complex i love these losers #good thing character development is inevitable here bc sometimes ppl irl just Stay Like That

[ksksksrahrah]

#Drawing #kemono friends #white serval #Drew black and white serval so now cerval is next #Also! Recently I’ve been trying to expand my music playlist (and failing) #And now I learned about My First Story and now they are one of my fav artists #Listen to their songs!!! All of their songs #Of course you will probably start with mukoku but all of their songs are so good #I really like their new songs that’s what made me start listening to them #Feels so visual kei like especially songs like crazy beautiful night #But I’m no visual kei expert #I could go on but I also listen to SID and kiro akiyama #Ok I talk too much in tags will post next week! #Hiroki’s voice is so cool also

[sad-endings-suck]

so bf of taigen to recover from life threatening wounds, just so he can hike all the way to kohama village from master eiji’s forge, buy the best food you can possibly find there, hike all the way back, and then proceed to promptly plop said food right in front of mizu and watch her eat all of it. dosen’t even blink. those dumplings are a childhood nostalgia food for him and he did not eat a single one. literally recovered from his injuries just enough to leave on his own, solely so he could go get food for mizu, and only for mizu. he didn’t get dumplings for anyone else, not even himself. he hates kohama, but he’ll go walk straight into the village centre that smells like the fish on his dad’s fists, just to purchase the only good thing from his childhood in that place, proceed to enjoy none of it, and offer it all to mizu with absolutely no expectations.

#blue eye samurai #and of course it doesn’t make up for his bullying and other utterly condemable behaviours towards mizu. that’s not the topic of this post #or my point rn #my point is the very personal selfless act of kindness he makes almost naturally like it is breathing #‘’​he’s not a good man but he could be a great one’’ #‘’… he (Taigen) BELIEVES he loves you (Akemi) very much.’’ - Mizu #oh mizu he’s got it bad for you #and she knows it #taigen blue eye samurai #taimizu #blue eye samurai meta #no you don’t get it #for ONCE in his life this man doesn’t take the opportunity to complain #that’s crazy #taigen’s all time favourite hobby is complaining. so if he’d really rather buy food for his nemesis/future bf/gf then he’s down BAD #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu x taigen #mizu #taigen #taizu #mizu/taigen #bes taigen #bes mizu #blue eye samurai analysis #mizu bes #taigen bes #taigen/mizu #taigen x mizu

[marklikely]

the movie did such a good job at putting me in isabel/owens shoes honestly because i was looking at tara/maddys monologue scene through a lens of just not letting go of nostalgia so i was like 'oh my god do not get in that hole in the ground. this is crazy' but then two minutes later with hindsight i Understood and was like 'NO YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IN THE HOLE IN THE GROUND GO BACK'

#thats how you know its a good metaphor because this was also exactly my cycle with hrt for like 6 straight years #'oh my god you cant get on testosterone right now theres all this. it would be crazy' #*2 years later* oh my god why didnt i start hrt back then that was so stupid. it would have been so easy. i cant do it now of course. #*2 years later* oh my god why didnt i start hrt back then it would have been so ea #avpost #movie diary #i saw the tv glow #but hey anyway i DID start hrt its not too late etc etc. please god go bury yourself in that hole in the ground right now.

[rosepompadour]

The wedding, when it came, had a fairy-tale quality, in this very remote church, with no electricity, and it happened after dark. It felt quite otherworldly, very dreamlike. - John Perry Barlow

Carolyn was stunning and very stark — as if the few lights were just for her, with the rest of us in darkness and her betrothed's face leaning into her halo. When John fumbled with the ring, Carolyn gently put her hand on his shoulder and laughed. The moment that she put her hand on his shoulder to reassure him that everything was okay, that was quite a loving subtlety. But that was her. - Billy Noonan

It was an incredibly magical moment. I saw it as it was unfolding, almost in silhouette. It was virtually dark outside. John reached for the hand of Carolyn; she was caught off guard. I'm walking backwards in the light rain at dusk, and John does this amazing gesture, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. It was lovely, the spontaneity of that gesture. - Denis Reggie

#john f. kennedy jr. #carolyn bessette kennedy #* #history #historyedit #so uncanny tagging this as history GOOD GOD WHAT YEAR IS IT #i went on a field trip to that church about three years after they died #i was thrilled because my parents always buy copies of the times/post/daily news whenever we live through a Historic Moment #so we have a whole dresser that's just bursting with newspapers and obviously EVERYONE ran that last image after they died #to the point where it just became crazy-engraved in my mind #(you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me etc. etc.) #anyway the p.s. to the story is that i was supposed to write a school report on the history behind the church #but OF COURSE i turned in a treatise on the exact spot where jfk jr. kissed carolyn bessette's hand #i was way too into the kennedys for a literal child who still watched the wonderful world of disney every sunday night

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

#I was reminded of this film today since they just dropped the trailer and I didn’t even know it was going to be fully animated #of course it’s got a full star studded cast no surprise there #with CHRIS HEMSWORTH as Optimus and doing a voice without his accent that sounds like he’s a country boy that lives in the city #or some park ranger idk #it doesn’t even sound like him tbh which is good #*edit* JOHN CENA THATS WHO HE SOUNDS LIKE IN HERE #they also made bumblebee a crazy lad too #I’m excited to see that #transformers #transformers one #transformers 2024 #my polls #Youtube

[drawncap]

She's doing ALL OF THIS, including MURDERING HER FRIEND, BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS UNFAIR THAT HER BACKSTORY WASNT TRAGIC?!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

Yes, Rage god, sure, infected towards anger, BUT FROM THE BEGINING THOUGH?!

"Yeah, so because your dad died and the whole of you life has been bad, school should reflect that by making your life harder."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

THIS IS THE HILL YOU DECIDED TO DIE ON?!

#fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #dimension 20 #I thought for certain #Thar maybe the Bad Kids accidently killed someone #like it was a civilian causualty or something #NOT THE MOST INSANE JELOUSLY IVE EVER HEARD OF #I hate the implication that Kipperlily and Riz are the same #like I see where they are coming from #the frantic work they both probably put in? #sure #the anger at being “cheated” #okay yeah ill give you that #but Riz searched for the 7 out of a noble cause #Kipperlily just seems to he CRAZY petty #this is wild #also anyone else get the vibe that Oisin and Ivybare the real leaders? #they outvoted to change the name to Rat Griders #which seems odd #maybe thats why Oisin apologized to Adaine in the cafateria when Kipperlily lost it #he was trying to keep his “puppet” on course #they both seem to be good friends with eaxh other especially

[skitskatdacat63]

Pictures from the 2023 Brazil Post-Race that made me psychologically and physcially and emotionally unwell:

#of course there are more but ive either reblogged or posted most of them #im just....so unwell over everything today #and all of these are beautiful bcs of nando of course but at the same time many are just really genuinely great compositions #god im so glad the trophy is gold bcs the way sun reflects off it is crazy #HE DESERVES ALL THE GOLD!!!!! #and he looks so gorgeous in the sun #(theres smth vett//onso here to be said about the gold and sunshine HUH WHAT SHHHH SHHHHHHH) #the one where its glowing when hes holding it up in the air is sending me. its like smth from indiana jones or smth #if i wasnt dedicated to seb id probably make all my background on ever device from this #its funny tho bcs the majority of my backgrounds rn are from another brazil gp. interlagos is just the best i guess. #aaaaaaahhhh his podiums are always so good like i dont think anyone on this grid has the same energy as him #none of them ever seem as happy and energetic as he is :/ so when he does get on the podium i always intend to make the most out of it!!!! #kissing him squeezing him loving him #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #we do a little bit of f1 #2023 brazilian gp

[dilutedconfusion]

I did a thing…again.

Just realized that ya’ll need to click for better quality for some reason this post looks especially bad 🤚

#OKAY so this piece is a little old #I think I posted it on my twitter (of which I do not use anymore) and nobody really cared for it #WHICH IS FINE #I don’t make art for others I do it for me #BUT I know for a fact that some of you will definelty like this so I’m posting it on here as well #I added a WHOLE new just standing still sketch of Killer and a bunch of doodles to make it more fun #but technically the orginal piece was just the ‘in murder mode leaning over one’ #which I could post seperately if ya’ll wanna see that idk?? #ya know without the extra image of him and the doodles so its looks less like a collage #ANYWAYS back to the art I REALLY like how I drew Killer in this #LIKE HE LOOKS SO GOOD #ITS CRAZY #so pretty so lucious so cute #I’m literally obessed with drawing flame lighting #everything looks pretty in a nice warm glow #so yeah #he be standing #he be killing #hes killer #OH and all the doodles are of course easily apparent the rest are his trivia #oda thinks his flower is a snow drop #that boy would be a chef in a real world au #and one of his hobbies is playing the drums #so if ya’ll didn’t know that now you do #i also like to think how I wrote his name is how he signs his name #killer one piece #kid pirates #illustration #digital art #one piece

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

Daily fish fact #685

Lampreys!

While some lampreys turn to a parasitic lifestyle as adults, drilling into the sides of bigger animals to feed on their flesh and blood, lamprey larvae, ammocoetes, are actually filter feeders! The lamprey larva life stage can last up to a decade, and they spend their time being half-buried in sandy substrate, consuming whatever tiny organic particles float to them. Ammocoetes' feeding rate is the slowest of any suspension-feeding animal, and due to this they require a habitat very rich in nutrients.

#i might as well use that information i researched about lampreys to make that one propaganda post to some good use! #and... woah. lampreys are so cool? they dont have eyes as larvae so when they metamorphose they literally gain the ability to see images. #imagine! youve gone your whole life only sensing light but then you metamorhose and you gain eyes and teeth and can start swimming #how does that feel? are they... surprised? i bet the ones that travel to saltwater experience things they never thought they would #of course im putting my own human emotions on them but... okay. just imagine how crazy it would be!? #their filter feeding apparatus becomes a thyroid gland too!!?!?? thats so insane!!!!! what wonderful animals i cant believe im only now - #learning of this!!!!! like their body transformation can tell us about vertebrate evolution!!!! #lamprey #fish #fishfact #fish facts #biology #zoology #fishblr

[smilesrobotlover]

*head in hands* oot link is such a tragic character and it makes me so sad

#like everything about him was a lose/lose situation #he had to be a hero at 10 years old #and even tho he got aged up #he was still mentally 10 #so of course zelda sent him back in time #he didn’t quite understand what was happening #and having to go your whole life being judged and looked at weird simply because you don’t act your age? #or going through life not aging mentally in a natural way? #I imagine that that would screw everything up #and so yeah going back in time to age naturally was good #but then there’s majoras mask and the whole idea that nobody believes him #I mean. they believed him when he called out ganondorf #but having a 10 year old tell you about the moon falling and giants stopping it and all that #I’m sure a lot of people thought he was crazy when he wasn’t #not to mention he probably was no longer mentally 10 in mm since he not only went through all that trauma #but also was stuck in a time loop #and to top it all off. all the people. all the friends he made #were either gone or don’t remember him #because they never had the relationship he had in the adult timeline #poor oot link :( #and this isn’t to blame zelda at all #I cant imagine how hard it’d be for HER having to send him away #where she’ll never see him again when she def cared about him #just. agh #a lose/lose situation like I said #smiles rambles

[maraschinotopped]

undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.

#[cherry on top] #undertale yellow spoilers #[..its still you] #anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god. #^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here #but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good; #but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game. #which is why i didnt really say anything about it #then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks- #i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member; #and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh #then there was the buildup to cerobas fight. #then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU #OH MY GODDDDDD #something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces. #a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS #i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR #BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER #god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time #and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it #OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH #THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED #OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish #KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING. #SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!' #for other tidbits i wanted to mention: #cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts; #that black hole attack can go fuck itself; #and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route. #anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that

[insanityisdivine]

Can anyone guess why I posted this?

HINT: Refer to my icon

#mykissposts #kiss #paul stanley #starchild #ace frehley #space ace #Spaceman #Eric singer #Gene simmons #Demon #If all y'all peeeepulll are as crazy as I am you can spot that moment lol #I don't care how brief it is #I will take whatever i can get lol #Of course for how good Ace looked too lol #starsluts #starlovers #starry eyes

[laniemae]

Could John start hurting himself in trial 3?

TW FOR SELF HARM

So I’ve got a lot of theories for trial 3 and stuff but this is the one I want to talk about first since it was the one that stuck out to me most yet I haven’t seen people talking about the possibility

I actually wrote about this theory quite a while ago which I’ll just link to but I definitely do think it’s very likely but hasn’t been discussed much.

For a brief summary of the post I made it’s a theory on how John may have self harming desires but doesn’t physically hurt himself as he’s afraid of hurting Mikoto. Basically it’s how the reason why Mikoto’s clothes are so tattered is because John has been ripping them apart in another way to harm himself but not physically hurt Mikoto. Heck, there’s very clearly bite marks on the clothes so I highly doubt it was from the fight with Kotoko. And as well as just ripping his clothing it probably explained the breakdowns John is said to have at night especially in that one minigram where Es heard on it and there was a lot of crashing sounds and stuff breaking, even ripping sounds which definitely matches with what I was saying. So John does all of this in a method to self harm as a stress reliever but not physically harm Mikoto.

So here’s the trial 3 theory. As of recently Mikoto has stopped denying John’s existence as everything he’s seen in heard it’s just too much for him to deny anymore. And instead of that he’s began to hate John so much and blame him for every bad thing that’s happened, even going as far to blame him for what happened to Mahiru even though it was very clearly Kotoko’s fault. And with John, he loves Mikoto. Dedicates his entire existence to him and despite all the constant trauma and suffering he’s endured the only thing that keeps him going is the possibility that Mikoto will love him and praise him for saving him.

“Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?

Cling to me, hoist me up as your "savior", stand up and sing out your gratitude, that'd be good.”

Judging by these lyrics, it seems John is somewhat aware that Mikoto is denying his help but still wants to believe it. Even Neoplasm he says how Mikoto’s entrusting him with his heart, which can either be he doesn’t fully know about the hatred or is denying it. But what I’m really worried about is how much Mikoto loathes John in trial 3 and what he could do.

As I said earlier John dedicates his existence to Mikoto and I couldn’t explain how John may feel after he would realise his hatred for Mikoto  aside from his entire existence being denied. I already discussed this in another theory but for John to so deeply love Mikoto and dedicates everything to protecting him and only holding on with the possibility of approval and being told he did a good job, only to be met with unimaginable hatred from the person who he idealises as someone who could never hate anyone must be devastating on so many levels for John and… you can tell where I’m getting at here.

So what would happen next? Could perhaps John feel so betrayed by Mikoto that he could go to actually physically hurting himself out of conflicting feelings around Mikoto? Loving him like that but feeling so betrayed and hurt that he just tries not to care about Mikoto any more and harms himself out of both previously established coping mechanisms and spite?

It’s hard to tell here, as John is one of those characters who it’s very hard to predict what would happen next so who knows what he might do. I just believe this may be the most likely based off things that have been implied and established.

And just to address a potential elephant in the room is I highly doubt John would disappear in trial 3. That’s not how it works, and just because Mikoto may not be Guilty any more doesn’t mean he would be relieved from all stress so John definitely would still have his purpose. And I think it’s most likely why John claimed that he would disappear was that he believed Es hated him and wanted him gone, so he claimed that he would disappear if Mikoto were to be voted Innocent as a way to sway Es to that verdict. And there are lines such as “I’ll play dead even if I’m alive right?” And “can’t get rid of me now” that definitely imply that he will stay or perhaps pretend to go dormant which perhaps would be interesting as we’ve seen him masking as Mikoto in the minigrams before so it would be interesting if he does that in trial 3 perhaps. And side note even though this is kinda cheating theory wise but it would be stupid to remove John from the story like that so uhhh.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #John kayano #john milgram #tw sh #tw self destruction #I just wanna say I’m sorry for bringing up such a dark subject matter like this in a theory sense #It’s just when writing about the darker themes in milgram I always get scared I’ll offend someone by how I talk about it so sorry #But trial 3 is certainly gonna be crazy #This theory is one I’ve had for a while and thus easier to write but I’ve got a lot planned #Like it definitely seems like how in trial 2 kotoko was the main antagonist/one causing conflict and it definitely seems #That in trial 3 amane will fufill that role #Which I mean I am uhh really exited about that because Amane’s my favorite and I love character who fuck up everything #But from everything we’ve seen the whole thing with fuuta and Shidou she’s going to be the one starting the whole chain of events #And there’s definitely a lot of theories on people who could suffer or be injured because of everything #Definitely Haruka but that would be from himself #But from the amane thing potentially Shidou if she or fuuta attacks him #Maybe mahiru if Shidou can’t treat her if she’s injured which could be really bad I’m actually very worried for her #And fuuta if he goes too far deep into the ideology and actually takes off his eyepatch but that’s kinda hard to predict #And as I said it’s definitely likely that mikoto would be hurt but at the hands of “himself” rather #And with kotoko I have absolutely no clue how she would react to the guilty verdict but that unpredictably makes it more exiting #I’ll have to talk about kotoko and the others in a separate theory because it’s so complicated but aughahhan hiatus brain no #And kinda off topic with the mood that I’ve kinda set with this post #But looking and analysing the lyrics of meme and double for this post #I found it pretty funny how John is actually really affectionate when referring to mikoto #Like of course the “snuggle together and say good night” lyric which is funny because how that does not fit John normally but does make sen #And in double he uses words such as basically “welcoming home” mikoto and in those freeze frames whispers of good morning #Which one again is really funny as edgy boy misanthrope John has said almost uwu fanfiction stuff canonically #But it totally makes sense to his character which makes it all the more funnier but kinda fucked up as from what I’ve said in the post #Why am I talking about something funny like this? Maybe I’m just too worried about talking about dark subject matters I’m sorry