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autumnsup · 7 months

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The Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack Imagined As a Flight or Tasting Menu

Arranged According to Flavor and Style

To preface my latest nonsense: I will always appreciate the OST. I even went and bought the vinyl edition (see previous reblog), which makes skipping the less beloved tracks more difficult. Nevertheless, over the years I have done some curating based on the tracks I love most, including adding in a few bonus tracks that didn’t make it onto the OST album.

Back in the early 2000s, it was quite the undertaking to create what I considered to be the “complete” soundtrack to Velvet Goldmine. To collect more tracks, I combed through used CD stores, ripped from CDs found at libraries, and “borrowed” from my dad’s music downloading service pre-iTunes, to make a mix of my own.

I won’t be including that exact mix here, nor will I be mentioning every single song on the OST, but I’ve compiled a few Top 5 lists with flavorful ramblings about each track and why I love it. I’m also realizing as I write that much of what I appreciate about each song is wrapped up with the scene it underscores in the film, making it hard for me to take a step back and judge them on their musical merits alone. Just be warned that some may be more incoherent than others. 🫠

Top 5 Faves

Hot One ✨ Shudder to Think

Flavor profile: smoky-sweet with a dollop of strange

Honestly, this song makes me so happy and nostalgic every time I hear it. If I were to pick one song to play on repeat, this would probably be the one I’d choose. There’s something infectious about the leisurely pace of the piano and bass together, and the nonsensical, somewhat dark lyrics overlaying them, lightly tinged with the rasp of the singer's voice. I could almost imagine Oscar Wilde composing the words, without the references to outer space (unless he was actually – gasp – FROM outer space?).

Bitter-Sweet ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a swirl of bitters and spice with an undercurrent of salt tears

I love this song because it encompasses so many different sounds and moods, and Thom Yorke’s vocal range is incredible. Plus the lyrics are extremely evocative and spot-on for the scene they cover. It’s not entirely clear to me if we actually hear the Flaming Creatures perform parts of it as well, or if they are just lip-synching for the sake of flow between scenes, but in any case, it was very well chosen.

Satellite of Love ✨ Lou Reed (with David Bowie)

Flavor profile: fluffy-sweet layers with a little crunch on top

Another happy-making song for me, although I can eventually get tired of listening to it (doesn’t help that I have it on Lou Reed’s Transformer too). I love that Bowie collaborated on the background vocals and enjoy singing along while I imagine Curt and Brian in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

Gimme Danger ✨Iggy Pop

as sung by Ewan McGregor

Flavor profile: this may mangle your jaw and sear off your tastebuds but you will still crave it 😵

Seriously, why didn’t they include this on the OST album??? it is my opinion that if they had to pick one Iggy Pop song, they should’ve gone with Gimme Danger instead of T.V. Eye. The Iggy Pop original is good too but it doesn’t have quite the same feeling of angst and emotional oomph that Ewan’s does. I guess it doesn’t have the same level of shock value as T.V. Eye, but melodically and thematically I think it’s a much better song. It is a crying shame that this performance was overlooked and I still hold hope in my heart that the Ewan recording is in storage somewhere, eventually to be released into the world. (Todd Haynes, take note).

Ballad of Maxwell Demon ✨ Shudder to Think

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers / Craig Wedren

Flavor profile: a tall glass of rainbow dusted in glitter and charcoal

I have mixed feelings about this track because I can’t decide which version I like better. In general, I’m not a huge fan of JRM’s voice, but for this particular song, it fits the off-kilter he-might-kill-you-in-an-instant tone of the music video so well, it might actually be the better version. I don’t know… feel free to fight me on this, I might just change my mind. Again. But as for the song itself, the lyrics are so nonsensical they're borderline iconic. I mean, "the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove"?

Top 5 for Sheer Vibes

Velvet Spacetime ✨ Carter Burwell (both versions)

Flavor profile: a smorgasbord of far-out sounds

Speaking of vacillating, I am pretty certain that there are two versions of this track, one of which we hear only briefly during the film. I like the OST version just fine because of how melodic and relaxing it is, but I wish they’d included the film version, which sounds more ominous and gritty. I think it appears during one of the “Arthur hot on the trail” scenes, when he’s walking to the subway or something? Anyway, FANTASTIC vibes from a film composer I’ve learned to love over the years.

2HB ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a fizzy Bellini-style cocktail made with passionfruit and the finest champagne

This is such an interesting song from start to finish, and is used to beautiful effect in the film. My favorite version of course is the one with Jack Fairy at the end, during the Death of Glitter concert. “Your cigarette traces a ladder” is probably one of my favorite lyrics from the entire film – SO poetic.

20th Century Boy ✨ T.Rex

as performed by Placebo

Flavor profile: the chunkiest hunk of brittle you’ve ever sunk your teeth into

This song is just so perfect in every way, both in the film and on the OST. I find the melody a bit repetitive and the lyrics boring, which is why I didn’t include in my top faves list, but Placebo’s delivery of it is smashing, right down to the chunky guitar riffs at the very end. Leaves me with chills every time.

The Whole Shebang ✨ Grant Lee Buffalo

Flavor profile: a little bland until the bubbles start popping

A fluffy little song, but I love singing along with the chorus, and it’s a great fit for where it appears in the film. (Note to Todd Haynes and co: can we see the whole music video please? I love JRM’s Elvis-like sneer and head wobbles so much).

Needle in the Camel’s Eye ✨ Brian Eno

Flavor profile: sharp, sweet, sassy lemon

Also an interesting song to me, and one that fits the mood of the opening credits scene like a glove. With repeat listenings I’ve come to believe that even though it comes in hard with those brassy guitar chords, it’s actually not a very heavy song. The sheer joy and simplicity of it really shines through and captures the euphoric feeling of running through the streets with your best mates so well. I’m not even bothered by how repetitive the melody is, because each repetition brings something new with it.

NB: I’d never heard of Eno before and was intrigued to discover that snippets from a couple of his other songs were included in the film (Dead Finks and Fat Lady). They are more curiosities to me than anything I truly love, but I sometimes enjoy listening to them all the way through just for the hell of it.

Top 5 for that Retro Flavor

Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah!) ✨ Gary Glitter Joan Jett

Flavor profile: velvety-smooth with a little grit and spice sprinkled in

I do like the original version of this track but have a hard time stomaching the thought of supporting the original singer in any way. Thank goodness for Joan Jett’s excellent cover version!

Virginia Plain ✨ Roxy Music

Flavor profile: also smooth as velvet but with no grit to speak of, just bright fruity flavor

This song is pure fun from start to finish and matches the tone of the scene perfectly. I especially love how it ends right at the moment when Shannon is being introduced to the entourage.

Cosmic Dancer ✨ T.Rex

Flavor profile: warm and milky goodness

A delicately winding journey of a song. I love the soft intimacy of Mandy doing Brian’s makeup during it – wish we had one of those scenes for her and Jack or Curt too.

Ladytron ✨ Roxy Music

performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: can I say chocolate? Stoneground, with both sugar and spice of course.

This song grew on me, thanks in part to the distant bewitching intro before the quavering vocals set in. The guitar solos provide fire for the sex scene between Brian and Mandy, and I like how it fades out at the end (unlike the actual ending of their relationship).

Tumbling Down ✨ Steve Harley

as performed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: whipped syllabub with bombastic notes of cherry and lime

This scene with JRM alone and gussied up as Maxwell Demon is possibly the most dramatic finale for a character I’ve ever seen in film or theatre, and I’ve seen a fair amount of both. His rendition of the song doesn’t quite seize me by the heart like other versions I’ve heard (especially the live Steve Harley version with guitar, harmonica and little else), but the musical backing more than makes up for it, along with the tawdry glamor and sparkle of costume and set. The song feels both retro and timeless somehow, despite (or because of?) the nonsensical lyrics, and I find myself singing them every now and then without quite knowing why. RIP Maxwell Demon.

Honorable Mentions

Sebastian ✨ Steve Harley

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Flavor profile: a vanilla bean dipped in confectioner's sugar

This song gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, it has the somber and dirge-like melody that doesn't always sit well with me, but on the other hand, something about JRM’s delivery of it, of Brian’s cool gaze over an audience that doesn’t quite despise him but definitely doesn’t appreciate his unique brand of showmanship, lingers with me. “Your lips ruby blue” – now there’s a line that’s hard to forget.

Diamond Meadows ✨ T.Rex

Flavor profile: huckleberry crumble with blobs of cream

It took me a little while to come around to this song, but I now think it underscores the Brian and Curt doll scene quite well. Childlike, bordering on naughty, and repeating in endearing loops until it abruptly cuts itself short. (That might describe much of Marc Bolan’s opus, come to think of it).

Symphony No. 6 in A Minor ✨ Gustav Mahler

Flavor profile: less of a flavor and more like a whiff of buttery, mouthwatering mystery

I didn’t recognize this as a Mahler piece for a while, but the clip played during Jack’s slow descent down the stairs at the Sombrero, and the following scene of him under intense scrutiny in the restaurant, fits SO well. Carter Burwell or whoever managed to interweave Mahler with 60s soul, glam rock stylings, and the Spacetime theme in the span of just a few minutes was at the top of their game. 💋

@25yearsofvelvetgoldmine

#ok now I'm craving dessert #or a good stiff drink #if a mix were a menu...#friyay #25yearsofvelvetgoldmine #velvet goldmine

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ncwhereman · 1 year

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hey, secret santa again :) sorry this message is quite late!

i also love those films by the who, i think i like tommy more than quadrophenia tho bc it’s so strange. you said you’d love some recs for the artists i mentioned, so here's one song from each :D there are songs equally as good as these, but these are my favourites, the songs i heard which made me interested in the musicians:

gimme shelter (the rolling stones)

who are you (the who)

dazed and confused (led zeppelin)

hey joe (the jimi hendrix experience)

go your own way (fleetwood mac)

i listened to the songs you recommended and totally love them, especially the cilla black songs. i haven't listened before but i love her voice. and i only knew a few marianne songs beforehand, like as tears go by, which i love. there’s still so much music to discover!

which record did you last buy? i think the last one i bought was a byrds album bc it was pretty cheap. but i love physical media and apart from records i’m in love with a little 60s camera i have, it comes everywhere with me :-)

you said you’re into films – what’s your favourite atm? are there any you like watching around the holiday period? i don’t have a favourite but i like wes anderson’s early films, the cinematography and colour palettes are beautiful :D any recommendations especially for 60s-70s films?

and to answer the other questions, i do play a couple of instruments! i drum and play bass. piano always seemed very difficult to me, seems like there’s a lot of concentration involved. it’s like magic, i don’t understand it

and getting back ;)) to the beatles, my favourite albums really depend on mood and the weather. recently i’ve been listening to rubber soul and ahdn a lot, they’re very cosy albums to me. i also love please please me, my grandparents still play it a lot, so it reminds me of them. how about you - any favourite beatles albums? any favourite beatle(s)?

i’m sorry again this was so long! i hope you had a good weekend 🎅

hey, don't worry, take as much time as you need! i'm kinda caught up with my finals rn so i might be slow too :(

i LOVE all the songs you recommended!! especially led zeppelin and jimi hendrix i guess, but really all of them are great! i love your taste even more now and want more recs lmao so: what are your favorite albums by any artists?

the record i bought was help by the beatles! it's a dutch vinyl housed in a german jacket but at least it sounds amazing. working on my mission to get all beatles studio albums but they're literally the most expensive (in my local shops at least) so it's taking some time. do you have any goals like this in collecting, like completing certain artists or choosing certain pressings?

favorite film... i've been meaning to make a list of all my favs for forever but i just can't get around to it bc there are so many to remember 😭 well let's say the hours & times atm, it's in no way perfect but i still love it and admire everyone behind it

as for the holiday films, i guess i'll leave classics like home alone out, but right now i have a bunch of older christmas films in my watchlist (miracle on the 34th street, remember the night, etc), i suppose they're classics too in the us/uk but i've never seen them! only watched white christmas so far and was very surprised at how gay it was lmao. are there any christmas films you like?

it's hard to recommed films bc i'm always tempted to recommend directors instead of certain titles, but:

(gay) drama: midnight cowboy (1969) and the boys in the band (1970)

comedies: the apartment (1960) and paper moon (1973)

musicals: funny girl (1968) and my fair lady (1964)

horror: the innocents (1961) and what ever happened to baby jane (1962)

i get what you mean about the beatles albums! atm i'm very into help since i've been listening to it on vinyl lmao. and i like the way it has this early sound but the themes of some songs aren't quite as straightforward as i wanna be your man for example - i'm mostly referring to you've got to hide your love away, but i see the same theme in it's only love. adore both of george's songs on it too. my absolute favs though must be the white album and mmt! rubber soul is very close to them too

i always felt a bit weird about choosing a favorite beatle bc it feels like choosing your favorite child 😭 but i gotta admit i mostly lean towards john and george, esp john. what about you?

#srs22 #ask

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parkersroses · 3 years

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sunflowers. | harry styles.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader (dad!harry, husband!harry)

summary: harry is very much in love with his little family.

word count: 2724 words

warning(s): a sprinkle of sexual mentions and a whole lot of fluff

disclaimer: gif is not mine.

author’s note: hey there. been a while. i missed writing here and the reason i haven’t been doing that is because i was focused on finishing school. of course now, i still am busy with school, having to start my degree. but i miss writing so i thought i’d make this little piece here. it’s my first harry styles fic! quite exciting and nerve-wrecking for me. but as always, leave a like and a comment if you enjoyed this, also constructive comments do help me to improve my writing and i do want to be better at it. and reblog (!) it really helps writers out in creating content for you so pls do so if you like it. all the love x

She pushes her cart down the aisle as she browses through the shelves of delicious snacks. She already has picked out a bunch of biscuits and juice boxes when her phone rings, making her jump a bit. She takes out her phone and smiles as the screen showcases the contact name ‘lovie’ with a picture of her husband. She accepts the call as she continues to stroll down the aisle.

“Hi, lovie!” she answers happily. “Hello, darling. Hope everything’s alright there,” Harry answers back. She giggles as she stops by the fruits and vegetables section. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that since you’re the one that’s looking after the house?” She questions about Harry’s intention of calling her. He chuckles through the phone. “Pfft, don’t be silly, love. I got everything under control here,” He says. She imagines how he is probably pouting a bit on the other side of the phone as she playfully rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, hun. Now, what do you need?” She asks, figuring that Harry has some last minute additions to the grocery. Harry hums and thinks as Y/N picks out some fresh salads. “Could maybe buy more bread for us?” He asks, which confuses Y/N as she thought she has already bought bread for them.

“Harry, didn’t I already buy those, like, two those days ago?” She questions as she starts picking out some fruits. She picks out two packets of strawberries and grapes each and one honeydew melon. She feels as though Harry is hesitating to answer back through the phone. “Yeah, but.. I got hungry so I finished most of them,” He says as though he is embarrassed by admitting this to his wife. Y/N only giggles at this information.

“You and your bread. Any kind that you fancy this time?” She asks as she makes her way to the wet area of the supermarket. “Just the usual ones. Oh, and the whole wheat bread if there’s any,” He requests. Y/N hears the sound of cutleries clanking in the background, though she brushes it off, thinking it is just Harry cleaning the kitchen. “Alright. I’ll see you guys at home, yeah? I’m nearly done here,”

“Of course, darling. Bubs and I will be waiting,” he says, and Y/N smiles at the thought of her little family at home. The couple say their goodbyes and hang up. Y/N makes a note to herself to get some bread after picking out some salmon before checking herself out of the supermarket.

After over a year of marriage, the both of them decided to start a family of their own. It excited her to think about Harry with their own child, knowing very well how good he is with children in general. They were both overjoyed by the news that they will be expecting a baby girl, more so of Harry than herself. He was ecstatic to be a father throughout the pregnancy journey. Even on the occasional dates they would go on, he would always make sure they picked some of the most private areas, paparazzi and fans-free. It was an important time for them and they wanted to keep things on the low most times.

Now, their baby girl Rosie is six months old and is just the purest ball of sunshine and happiness. Harry and Y/N swore that their hearts grew ten times bigger upon first laying their eyes on her baby. Of course after she was born, it was tiring enough for them to handle a baby as they were new to being parents. Though, they managed to get the hang of it after some sleepless nights and cleaning up baby vomit.

All of that which leads up to this moment where Y/N is buying some groceries for the family. Harry suggested they should take little Rosie out for a picnic. Although it was rather difficult to go outside without them getting papped and stalked, they luckily had a backyard that was big enough to have their little picnic together. It was all fenced up with a couple of flowers planted. It was ideally the perfect place to relax and have some family gatherings.

Y/N quickly gets home in time for dinner, not before buying some Chinese food for her and Harry. She unlocks the door and quickly rushes by the living room and into the kitchen to put the heavy bags of groceries down. Harry, who had been folding the laundry and entertaining his daughter, notices his wife and calls out to her. “Hi, honey!” Baby Rosie, who has been laying on a plush little blanket, perks her head up and excitedly babbles after her father’s voice. “Hey, lovie! Give me a minute to put these away!” Y/N yells back at him.

Harry hums and puts away the last of the clean laundry in a basket before laying on his side next to Rosie. He lets his baby grab a hold of his large hand. He watches as Rosie puts his tiny little hand on the center of his palms, smiling widely as she looks at him and babbles about in baby language. It’s not long until Y/N comes in with a bag of Chinese food and some baby food. “C’mon, let’s eat, my loves,” She gently says as she sets the food down on the coffee table. Rosie holds out her arms to her mother; much to her delight, Y/N carries her up and sets her down on her lap.

Y/N multitasks eating her dinner and feeding Rosie throughout dinner time. The faint sounds of a Fleetwood Mac album playing on the vinyl player filling the background. “So, what’s on the menu for tomorrow’s picnic?” He says as takes a bite off his spring roll. Y/N shrugs and wipes the excess baby food off Rosie’s mouth. “Don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll make those smoked salmon sandwiches that you like.”

Harry playfully moans in delight. “You mean, those sandwiches you make are award-winning, darling,” he says, which makes Y/N giggles at her silly husband. “Well, I hope they are, Mr. Styles. Would be shameful if the salmon I bought just went to waste.” Little Rosie eventually finishes her food and decides to play around with her mother’s hair. She stares and strokes on Y/N’s hair, gently tucking it at times. The couple smiles widely at the sight of their daughter. “You doing alright, bubs?” Rosie merely stares at her parents with her big green eyes, not understanding their question. It still amazes Y/N how much of Harry’s features Rosie inherited. “Surely you weren’t a handful with your daddy this evening, were you?” Y/N playfully questions.

Harry chuckles and takes Rosie out of Y/N’s arms. “No, she wasn’t. However, she wasn’t helpful in helping daddy with the laundry, were you princess?” He says as he lifts his baby girl above both of the couple’s heads, eliciting the sweetest laugh from Rosie. He does this a few more times until he stops since he didn’t want her to get dizzy and throw up.

It was a very domestic moment for them. Just the three of them, having dinner, smiles and laughter all around. It is moments like this where Harry prefers the simplicity of life, in the comfort of his little family. “Think it’s time for someone to go to dreamland, don’t ya think?” Y/N says as she caresses Rosie’s soft cheeks with her finger, Rosie obviously showing her tiredness with her droopy eyes. Harry nods in agreement, already packing up to empty food boxes to throw away.

“You wanna go up first, love? Nurse Rosie a bit. I’ll clean this up quickly.” Y/N insists on helping out Harry after he’s taken care of the house while she went to buy groceries. Though, Harry insists back on helping to clean, saying it’s no big deal. Without much of an argument, Y/N lifts up Rosie from his arms and heads up, not before giving Harry a loving kiss of appreciation.

After nursing her, Rosie quickly falls asleep in her mother’s arms, lulling to the faint sounds of her heartbeat as she rests her little head on her chest. Harry soon joins in the room and he stops to admire the sight he has become all too familiar with. Just the sight of the woman he loves, carrying and rocking their baby daughter to sleep, a feeling of warmth and peace fills his entire heart. Sometimes, he can’t believe how lucky he was to have ended up in this position and he always thanks the universe for blessing him a family that he loves with his entire soul.

Rosie gets tucked in her cot, a soft purple blanket covering her. Harry and Y/N go back into their room soon after. Harry lays on his bed with his eyes closed, humming a random tune while Y/N picks out her nightwear, which turns out to only be one of Harry’s T-shirts and underwear. “Can you believe she’s six months old now?” Harry asks out of the blue. Y/N turns around and stands between his legs. He sits up and gently pulls Y/N in by the waist. She runs her hands through his curls, he sighs in delight of the feeling. “Time flies, huh?”

“Soon she’s gonna start walkin’, runnin’, she’ll become quite the troublemaker,” he jokes and pouts at Y/N. She chuckles at his silliness. “It’s nothing we can’t handle, right?” She smiles at him lovingly as she strokes his cheeks. Harry smiles back and puts his head on her stomach, giving it a light kiss through the dress she’s wearing.

“Thank you. I feel like I haven’t said that enough,” he mumbles against her stomach. She looks down at him with a confused expression. “You carried her for a whole nine months and went through so much to deliver her to us. So, thank you. And I love you, darling. I’m so lucky.”

Y/N feels her breath hitched at his confession and she smiles at him. She leans down and kisses him hard. Sometimes, she thinks that she is the lucky one. She managed to find someone who loves and support her unconditionally, even through the late night snacks she had while pregnant with little Rosie. Harry doesn’t hesitate to kiss back and pulls her closer to him. She feels his tongue swipe across her bottom lip, asking for entrance. And who is she to deny making out with her incredibly talented and beautiful husband as she opens her mouth, making the kiss more passionate. Harry hears a soft moan from her and swears he feels shivers running up his spine.

They break away after feeling the oxygen running out of their lungs and lay their foreheads against each other’s, breathing heavily. “I love you, too,” she breathes out. They both smile widely at each other, feeling like teenagers in love. She pecks his lips one last time before pulling away from him. She starts undressing as she makes her way to the ensuite bathroom, Harry watching her every move as his mouth gapes open slightly.

God, my wife is so fucking beautiful, he thinks to himself. He continues to admire Y/N as she undresses until she’s fully nude. He gulps as he feels the blood rushing towards his lower region.

Harry’s cut out from his thoughts as a piece of fabric flungs to his face. He grabs it from his face and he chokes on his saliva upon seeing Y/N laced lavender-coloured underwear. He looks up to his wife leaning against the bathroom door, every inch of her on display for him and him only.

“Mind joining me for a shower, baby?” she smirks as she quickly heads in the shower.

When he hears the shower turn on, Harry jumps up from the bed and quickly takes off his clothes, tripping on his sweatpants on his way to join his wife in the shower.

━

Rosie giggles loudly and she reaches out for the blue butterfly in front of her. Y/N smiles at this soft moment and holds up her digital camera to take a picture. The sky was a nice shade of blue and clouds looked like cotton candy hanging above. The flowers in the garden were blooming and Harry managed to pick out two sunflowers for his sunflowers. It seemed like the perfect day.

Harry comes out with a bowl of freshly washed strawberries and grapes. He sits down next Y/N on the blanket they laid out, giving a soft kiss on her forehead, before looking over at his daughter. “What’s that, bub?” he asks Rosie in a seemingly excited voice. Rosie squeals and babbles to her father as she points out to the blue butterfly fluttering in front of her.

“That’s right, bubs! That's a butterfly!” Harry picks her up and puts her on his lap. Y/N is already munching away on the strawberries. Harry opens his mouth to her, implying that he wants to be fed with the red fruits, Y/N rolls her eyes at his silliness but complies as she puts it in his mouth, plucking out the stem. As she does this, little Rosie looks at the exchange and opens her mouth wide, copying Harry. The couple merely laughed at the little girl’s behaviour.

“You want a strawberry, Rosie?” Y/N smiles as picks one out, she bites lightly on the tip of it so Rosie could have the smallest bite of the fruit. Rosie whines and reaches out for the tiny piece. “Calm down, you bugger. Might wanna say ‘please’ to mommy first, yea?” Harry says to her gently as he rubs her back.

Of course, Rosie wouldn’t know how to say any words at all yet, so she babbles in her baby language and whines to be fed. “Think that might be ‘please’, love,” he says jokingly to his Y/N.

“Well, who am I to say no to the cutest girl ever?” She jokes back and puts the tiny piece of strawberry in Rosie’s mouth, her mouth slightly stained from the juices. Harry wipes it off with a napkin and leans back on his arms, admiring the beautiful day outside. He takes in the clean summer air as he listens to his daughter babbling about to her mother, Y/N merely nods back as if she understands and talks in the most gentle voice to her.

Harry sees Rosie picking up the large sunflower he picked out, her little fingers brushing against the yellow petals. He takes a look at Y/N and as he sees her smile, he thinks back about how lucky he is to have them two. There is not a day where Harry was never in awe of the love and passion Y/N gives to the family and he thinks of how he couldn’t possibly love his Rosie more every day.

He breaks off the other sunflower from its stem and tucks it behind Y/N’s ear. She looks up and blushes at the gesture. “You okay, H?” she asks.

Harry nods and smiles at her. “I just really love you,” he says as he cups Y/N’s cheek, stroking it gently.

Y/N feels the heat rising up to her cheeks. There is not a day where she’ll ever stop being in love with the man in front of her. She holds the hand that’s resting on her cheek and kisses it softly. “I really love you too,”

She leans forward and gives him a kiss or two. They both smile widely at each other, radiating the same amount of love, if not more, that they have for each other. Rosie squeals and claps her chubby hands together as she watches the sweet exchange between her parents. They both laugh at her cuteness. “And we love you too, my little love!” Y/N exclaims to her as she cups her cheeks and plants many kisses all over her face, making Rosie squeal in delight. Harry laughs and smiles at the sight.

Life certainly feels good to him. Surrounded by the loves of his life, there’s no place or moment Harry would exchange this beautiful day with them.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #parkersroses writing #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #dad!harry styles #husband!harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles oneshot

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gayenerd · 3 years

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I just realized I didn’t post that 2007 Rolling Stone article I posted about here.

Billie Joe Armstrong

The Green Day leader talks Bush, Britney and being a middle-aged punk for our 40th anniversary.

DAVID FRICKE

Posted Nov 01, 2007 8:19 AM

You have two young sons. What kind of America will they inherit?

This war has to finish before something new blossoms. There's no draft — that's why none of the kids give a shit. They'd rather watch videos on YouTube. It's hard to tell what's next — there is so much information out there with no power to it. Everything is in transition, including our government. Next year, it's someone else in the White House. There's no way to define anything. It's Generation Zero. But you gotta start at zero to get to something.

Is there anyone now running for president who gives you hope for the future?

Barack Obama, but it's a bit early to tell if this is the guy I like. I get sick of the religious-figure thing. People don't question their rulers, these political figures, just as they don't question their ministers and priests. They're not going to question George Bush, especially if he goes around talking about God — "I'm going to let God decide this for me. He's going to give me the answer." The fear of God keeps people silent.

When did you first vote in a presidential election?

In 1992. I was twenty. I voted for Clinton.

Did you feel like you made a difference?

Yeah. The Eighties sucked. There was so much bullshit that went along with that decade. I felt like Clinton was a fresh face with fresh ideas. There were times when he was dropping bombs, and I'm thinking, "What the fuck are you doing?" But he became a target. We have this puritanical vision of what a leader is supposed to be, and that's what makes us the biggest hypocrites in the world. We got so inside this guy's sexual habits. Now we have a president going around, killing in the name of what? In the name of nothing.

What did you accomplish with your 2004 anti-Bush album, "American Idiot"? He was re-elected anyway, and the war in Iraq is still going on.

I found a voice. There may have been people disenfranchised by it. People have a hard time with that kind of writing: "Why are you preaching to me?" It does sound preachy, a bit. I'm a musician, and I want to say positive things. If it's about self-indulgent depression or overthrowing the government, it's gotta come from my heart. And when you say "Fuck George W. Bush" in a packed arena in Texas, that's an accomplishment, because you're saying it to the unconverted.

Do you think selling nearly 6 million copies of that album might have an effect on the 2008 election? A kid who bought it at fifteen will be voting age next year.

I hope so. I made it to give people a reason to think for themselves. It was supposed to be a catalyst. Maybe that's one reason why it's difficult for me to write about politics now. A lot of things on that record are still relevant. It's like we have this monarchy in politics — the passing of the baton between the Clintons and the Bushes. That's frightening. What needs to happen is a complete change, a person coming from the outside with a new perspective on all the fucked-up problems we have.

How would you describe the state of pop culture?

People want blood. They want to see other people thrown to the lions. Do audiences want rock stars? I can't tell. You have information coming at you from so many areas — YouTube, the Internet, tabloids. Watching Britney Spears the other night [on the MTV Video Music Awards] was like watching a public execution. How could the people at MTV, the people around her, not know this girl was fucked up? People came in expecting a train wreck, and they got more than they bargained for.

She was a willing conspirator. She didn't say no.

She is a manufactured child. She has come up through this Disney perspective, thinking that all life is about is to be the most ridiculous star you could be. But it's also about what we look at as entertainment — watching somebody go through that.

How do you decide what your children can see on TV or the Internet? As a dad, even a punk-rock dad, that can make you conservative in your choices.

I want to protect them from garbage. It's not necessarily the sex and drugs. It's bad drugs and bad sex, the violence you see on television and in the news. I want to protect them from being desensitized. I want them to realize this is real life, not a video game.

The main thing I want them to have is a good education, because that's something I never had. Get smart. Educate yourself as much as you can, and get as much out of it, even if the teacher is an asshole.

Do you regret dropping out of high school?

Life in high school sucks. I bucked the system. I also got lucky. My wife has a degree in sociology, and there are conversations she has — I don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about. College — I could have learned from that.

But I was the last of six kids. At that point, my mother was fifty-eight, and she threw up her hands — "I'm through with this parenting thing." Also, I could not handle authority figures. But I wouldn't say I'm an authority figure for my kids. I provide guidelines, not rules.

What is it like being a middle-aged punk? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

It's about the energy you bring with you, the pulse inside your head. I want to get older. I don't want to be twenty-one again. Screw that. My twenties were a difficult time — where my band was at, getting married, having a child. I remember walking out of a gig in Chicago, past these screaming kids. There were these punks, real ones, sitting outside our tour bus. One girl had a forty-ouncer, and she goes, "Billie Joe, come drink with us." I said, "I can't, I've got my family on the bus." She goes, "Well, fuck you then." I get on the bus, and my wife says, "Did that bitch just tell you to fuck off? I'm gonna kick her ass right now." I'm holding her back, while my child is naked, jumping on the couch: "Hi, Daddy!" That was my whole life right there — screaming kids, punks telling me to fuck off, my wife getting pissed, my naked son waiting to get into his pajamas.

There's nothing wrong with being twenty-one. It's the lessons you learn. At thirty, you think, "Why did I worry so much about this shit?" When I hit forty, I'll say the same thing: "Why did I worry about this shit in my thirties?"

What have you learned about yourself?

There is more to life than trying to find your way through self-destruction or throwing yourself into the fire all the time. Nihilism in punk rock can be a cliché. I need to give myself more room to breathe, to allow my thoughts to catch up with the rest of me.

Before Dookie, I wasn't married and I didn't have kids. I had a guitar, a bag of clothes and a four-track recorder. There are ways you don't want to change. You don't want to lose your spark. But I need silence more than I did before. I need to get away from the static and noise, whereas before, I thrived on it.

Are you ready for the end of the music business? The technology and its effect on sales have changed dramatically since Green Days' debut EP — on vinyl — in 1989.

Technology now and the way people put out records — everything comes at you so fast, you don't know what you're investigating. You can't identify with it — at least I can't. With American Idiot, we made a conscious effort to give people an experience they could remember for the rest of their lives. It wasn't just the content. It was the artwork, the three acts — the way you could read it all like someone's story.

Is music simply not important to young people now the way it was to you as a kid?

People get addicted to garbage they don't need. At shows, they gotta talk on their phones to their friend who's in the next aisle. I was watching this documentary on Jeff Tweedy of Wilco [Sunken Treasure]. He was playing acoustic, and he ends up screaming at the audience: "Your fucking conversation can wait. I'm up here singing a song — get involved." He wasn't being an asshole. He was like, "Leave your bullshit behind. Let's celebrate what's happening now."

We need music, and we need it good. I took it very seriously. There's a side of me where music will always send chills up my spine, make me cry, make me want to get up and do Pete Townshend windmills. In a lot of ways, I was in a minority when I was young. There are people who go, "Oh, that's a snappy tune." I listen to it and go, "That's the greatest fucking song ever. That is the song I want played at my funeral."

Now that you've brought it up, what song do you want played at your funeral?

It keeps changing. "Life on Mars?" by David Bowie. "In My Life," by the Beatles. "Love," by John Lennon.

Those are all reflective ballads, not punk.

I disagree. They are all honest in their reflection. The punk bands I liked were the ones who didn't fall into clichés — the Clash, the Ramones. The Ramones wrote beautiful love songs. They also invented punk rock. I'd have to add "Blitzkrieg Bop" to the list.

What is the future of punk rock? Will it still be a voice of rebellion in twenty years?

It's categorized in so many different ways. You've got the MySpace punks. But there is always the subculture of it — the rats in the walls, pounding the pavement and booking their own live shows. It comes down to the people who are willing to do something different from everybody else.

You are in a different, platinum-album world now. What makes you so sure that spirit survives?

I'm going on faith — because I was there. Gilman Street [the Berkeley, California, club where Green Day played early shows] is still around. And that's a hard task, because there is no bar — it's a nonprofit cooperative. It's like a commune — this feeling of bucking the system together, surviving and thriving on art. Punk, as an underground, pushes for the generation gap. As soon as you're twenty-five years old, there's a group of sixteen-year-olds coming to kick your ass. And you have to pass the torch on. It's a trip to have seen it happen so many times. It gives me goose bumps — punk is something that survives on its own.

#article #interview #articles #billie joe armstrong

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ourimpavidheroine · 3 years

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You always post your writing soundtracks. Mind sharing your top ten albums with us?

I actually laughed when I read this because I’m thinking of the Anon who complained that all of my music was OLD. I mean. I’m old! What did you expect?

Never mind me, I’m easily amused. Thank you for using the word album so I would not feel like Lady Danbury with my lethal cane.

Yes, sure I can do that! I don’t know that these are my forever and ever amen top ten, but they are the ones that are coming to mind right now. So.

Under a cut, it’s long.

In no particular order.

Brutal Youth - Elvis Costello

My ex-husband was in love with Elvis Costello and who could blame him? The man is a genius lyricist. This is not one of his more commercially popular albums but I love every single track. (I also lined up at Ticketmaster in Oakland, CA when the man was touring in order to get tickets for my ex. I got there at midnight and spent the night, meeting a group of drag queens who were getting tickets to see Barbara Streisand. God, that was a fun night, we ate donuts one of them went on a donut run for and sang showtunes for hours. One of my favorite memories.) This verse, from Clown Strike, is one that has resonated with me since I first heard it.

Tell me what you want of me Or are you terrified of failure? You put on a superstitious face Behind all this paraphernalia We're not living in a masquerade Where you only have three wishes It isn't easy to see In a lifetime of mistaken kisses

Unrepentant Geraldines - Tori Amos

I remember the first time I heard a Tori Amos song. It was the summer directly after I’d graduated from college, I was driving my ex-husband’s car and Silent All These Years came on the radio and I was just fucking gobsmacked. I bought Little Earthquakes that day and haven’t looked back. I have all her albums. I am a big, big fan.

Unrepentant Geraldines, though. God. It came out the year before my wife died and it got me through her death. The song Weatherman is about a man losing his wife, and how he sees her in the nature surrounding him.

And.

No, sorry, I can’t write more about this, not right now. But I sing it to her sometimes.

He is not a weatherman But his bride lies with the land And she will whisper to him I'll be dressing up in snow Cloaked in echo it's almost As if only Nature knows How to paint his wife to life With every season's tone "One more look from her eyes One more look can you paint her back to life"

Ray of Light - Madonna

This album got me through my divorce from my ex-husband. I’d go out every single day during my lunch hour, this on my walkman, and walk and walk and walk until I got myself in enough control to go back and finish my work day. It’s a great album and I still listen to it a lot. It empowers me. And then my daughter was born and Ray of Light has always been her song to me, even though that wasn’t the song on the album that Madonna herself wrote for her daughter.

Faster than the speeding light she's flying Trying to remember where it all began She's got herself a little piece of heaven Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one And I feel like I just got home And I feel And I feel like I just got home And I feel

Seven and the Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran

This one was a difficult choice. For one thing, I really love their album Big Thing, which almost nobody’s heard about but one I love deeply. This one though...I think it’s the memories, including going to see them at the Oakland Coliseum with my cousin during their tour for this album and finding out they were partially filming the video for The Reflex that night. I like to think of us as being one of those girls in the audience. (Although I wasn’t screaming. I am a Capricorn. Have some dignity.) Duran Duran were responsible for my first fanfic and I’ve had a love for them since my Dad bought me their first album for my 13th birthday. I am nothing if not loyal. I have all of their early albums, all of their 12″ singles, too, including Secret Oktober, which I have always loved with a passion.

Also, Roger Taylor can still get it.

Freefall on a windy morning shore nothing but a fading track of footsteps Could prove that you never been there Spoken on a cotton cloud like the sound of gunshot taken by the wind And lost in distant thunder racing on a shining plain And tomorrow you'll be content to watch as the lightning plays along the wires and you'll wonder

Touch - Eurythmics

Another band I still love and listen to on the regular. Annie Lennox could sing me the telephone book and I’d be thrilled. Seeing her at age 14 in the Sweet Dreams video for the first time in my Grandmother’s living room quite literally woke something in me that led to moving across the world for a woman years later. (GOD.) I have all of their albums and choosing a favorite is difficult but this one won by a narrow margin, if only for the song Regrets, which is one of the songs that describes me until I became a mother, really. Like I RESONATED with that song. Still does in certain ways, if I am being truthful to myself.

I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I'm an electric wire And I'm stuck inside your head

Combat Rock - The Clash

Ah, teenage Impavid first understanding that music can also be political. Listen, I didn’t know much about what was going on outside of my own miniscule sphere - I was young and the internet didn’t exist yet. We got what news we got from our local paper and TV stations and they weren’t really reporting on what was happening in the world, not in 1982, let me fucking assure you. I got this album because my Dad was a part time DJ at a radio station that played mostly country music and the general manager of the station would just toss the rest of the non-country albums they’d get as promotions. My Dad would bring them home to me to listen to. You can imagine thirteen year old me listening to this album that opened with “This is a public service announcement - with guitars!” going WHAT THE FUCK? Let me just say there were a lot of trips to the library to read various newspapers after that.

Not to mention Rock the Casbah. What was a muezzin? I had no idea. I spent half a year reading books about Islam, about the Middle East and Northern Africa, which led to a curiosity about other religions beyond the Roman Catholicism in which I’d been raised, about other cultures as well. This album and The Color Purple by Alice Walker were the two things in my teen years that woke me the fuck up.

Now the king told the boogie men You have to let that raga drop The oil down the desert way Has been shakin' to the top The sheik he drove his Cadillac He went a' cruisin' down the ville The muezzin was a' standing On the radiator grille

Synchronicity - The Police

This fucking album. This fucking album. This album reached deep down into me and pulled out my soul and kicked it around for awhile. Every single song on this album hit me like a brick wall. Still does. Most likely always will.

Listen, you either like King of Pain or you live it. There’s no in between.

There's a little black spot on the sun today It's the same old thing as yesterday There's a black hat caught in a high tree top There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running 'round my brain. I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign, But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...

Sign O’ The Times - Prince

The soundtrack to my University days. Jesus, it starts out with “In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name,” and it just keeps going. Pain, sex, wonder, glory, politics, love. It’s all there. I wore the vinyl out on this one. Amazing, amazing album. In fact, I still play it so often my kids practically know it by heart, and they don’t even like Prince!

To this day I think If I Was Your Girlfriend is the sexiest song ever written.

I will tell you this much: Sayuri’s main writing soundtrack song is Starfish and Coffee off the album, the same song I used to sing my kids as a lullaby. This should tell you a lot about her.

Cynthia wore the prettiest dress With different color socks Sometimes I wondered if the mates where in her lunchbox Me and Lucy opened it when Cynthia wasn't around Lucy cried, I almost died, U know what we found? Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine And a side order of ham If U set your mind free, honey Maybe you'd understand Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

Nina Simone Sings The Blues - Nina Simone

This was one of my Daddy’s albums. He loved it and so did I. As a child I just loved the sound of her voice - something in it both soothed me and pulled at me, made me want to run and just keep running. She still makes me feel like that. If you don’t know Nina Simone I urge you to change that, right now. There’s nobody at all like her. She’s irreplaceable. All of her material is good, not just her blues songs. Not to mention, she was an absolute brilliant genius at the piano, never mind the strength she had as a Black woman in a time when doors were shut in her face on a daily basis. Seriously. Read about her.

When I became a woman, of course, her songs took on a much deeper meaning for me, one that I could relate to. Isn’t that the hallmark of a good album, though? One that stays with you and changes with you? I think so.

If you’ve never heard her cover of I Put A Spell On You then do yourself a favor and go right now and listen. You’re welcome.

Oh and Buck from this album? Nuo to Wing, right there.

Also one of the sexiest songs ever written, this one. Especially how she sings it. The Hot Frenchman (have I ever told you about The Hot Frenchman? no? OH BOY THERE’S A STORY) told me he thought it was about drugs and I was like, honey, this tells me a whole lot about you, more than you probably wanted it to.

I want a little sugar In my bowl I want a little sweetness Down in my soul I could stand some lovin' Oh so bad I feel so funny and I feel so sad I want a little steam On my clothes Maybe I can fix things up So they'll go Whatsa matter Daddy Come on, save my soul I need some sugar in my bowl I ain't foolin' I want some sugar in my bowl

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got - Sinéad O’Connor

This is a beautiful album, full of pain and joy, her hallmark. She sings every single word with everything in her; she’s far too intense for many, many people (and while she’s been open with her mental health struggles I’ve often wondered if she isn’t somewhere on the spectrum as well) but never for me. Her raw honesty has always appealed to me. She’s political, she’s a lover, a mother, a survivor of horrific abuse, someone who keeps reinventing herself as a way to find her way through pain. I always feel, when I am listening to her music, that I am bearing witness. I’m not afraid of pain; I’ve survived it as well. This album, one of her oldest, is still my favorite.

The line “You used to hold my hand when the plane took off” is the most evocative lyric I have ever heard with regards to the ending of love. It’s a punch to the heart - she felt it and she shared it with us, her fragile heart in her palms. Oh, Sinéad.

This is the last day of our acquaintance I will meet you later in somebody's office I'll talk but you won't listen to me I know what your answer will be I know you don't love me anymore You used to hold my hand when the plane took off Two years ago there just seemed so much more And I don't know what happened to our love

#personal #favorite albums #long post #Anonymous

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red-stick-rambler · 3 years

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Remembering Billy Joe Shaver.

Billy Joe Shaver was 81 years old when he died at the end of October 2020. It was a year with so much loss, particularly of great musicians- John Prine, Justin Townes Earle, Charley Pride, Little Richard, Kenny Rogers, and others. There were many obituaries written for Billy Joe after his passing that detail the rich stories of his life and reflect on his influence on music. (Suggested obit reading: Texas Monthly, Texas Highways, New York Times) I can’t do justice to his legacy but do wish to share some of the reasons why he was important to me.

Shaver’s music, often raucous, sometimes sweet, struck me with the right chords. I grew up listening to country music, mostly Willie and Waylon. By my teenage years I felt country music didn’t fit my persona of a die-hard skateboarder who listened to punk rock. When I moved to Kansas City to attend college I’d pretty much left the country, both musically and geographically. Discovering Billy Joe Shaver in the following years brought me back - to country music and to an appreciation for the rural surroundings of central Kansas where I was raised. He had a rock n’ roll attitude but the lyrics of poet, a honky tonk Hemmingway. In 1968, the way an artist, feeling in full possession of their powers, wants to be seen by their idols and proclaim their talents to the gatekeepers (Kris Kristofferson taking a military helicopter and landing it at Johnny Cash’s home to deliver songs hoping to meet the legend and have him record his material / Bruce Springsteen hopping the gates of Graceland to see Elvis while on his Born to Run tour shortly after he was on the cover of both Time and Newsweek) Billy Joe road a motorcycle onto the front porch of legendary songwriter Harlan Howard to announce himself as the greatest songwriter who ever lived. A few years later in 1973 Waylon Jennings recorded an album with all but one song written by Billy, “Honky-Tonk Heroes”. It was the beginning of a new sound in country music. The album remains one of my favorite records of all time. Finally, Billy Joe was on his way. Others recorded his songs too, a whose who of great artists that includes Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan, and Johnny Cash who said Billy Joe was his favorite song writer. Billy could sing and play too. A 2003 article from Texas Monthly captured his spirit in a profile before his death without the reverence an obituary demands.

“BILLY JOE SHAVER ACTS MORE like a Baptist preacher than a man in need of salvation. Performing at Austin’s KUT-FM studios, he waves his arms around as if he were trying to explain something. He pounds his chest and kicks his leg out. He clasps his hands like a minister, throws punches like a fighter. One minute he’s standing still, slightly tilted to the left, hands in his pockets, eyes slammed shut as he sings, deep worry lines between his brows. The next minute he’s so riled up his face burns bright red. He stretches out his long arms as wide as they can go, revealing that the index and middle fingers on his right hand are stubs and the ring finger is missing a joint. He can’t hold a pick, and when he plucks his guitar, he uses his thumb and pinkie. Billy Joe, who is 64, is wearing blue jeans, a blue denim shirt, brown boots, and a brown cowboy hat, which, when he takes it off to wave in the air, sets his longish gray hair loose.” - https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/the-ballad-of-billy-joe-shaver/

I’d seen him play a number of times and this description is just how I remember him. Billy was a man of the people, and though he always possessed a wild streak, he was humble by the time I first saw him play. His song writing and his stage presence exercised the depth of the human condition; he was joyful and melancholia, tough and tender, devilish and devout, often ending shows on one knee in praise, head bowed down. Following concerts he often mingled with fans. (The photograph with me is from a 2005 show in New York City.) He exchanged phone numbers with a friend of mine from Texas and his girlfriend and occasionally, out of the blue, Billy would call them up.

Billy wrote songs from his personal experience and unlike most artists, lived like the songs he wrote. His grandma raised him, and when she died he went to live with his mom who was working in a honky-tonk called Green Gables. As a young boy, he would sing at the bar. He married two women, five times between them. His son Eddie, who he played and toured with, died of a drug overdose on New Years Eve, 2000. Billy Joe outlived the people he loved then nearly died of a heart attack on stage at Gruene Hall, the oldest honky-tonk in Texas. In 2007 I was looking forward to seeing him play at Chelsea’s in Baton Rouge but a few days prior to the show Billy was arrested for shooting a man outside of a bar in Waco, TX. I never learned the facts of the case though I heard them interpreted by several musicians in the years that followed, most notably by Dale Watson who wrote the song, “Where Do You Want It?” The man lived, Shaver was found not guilty in a Texas courthouse, and I had several more opportunities to hear him play in the years that followed.

You can hear Billy Joe talk about his life in two interviews with Terry Gross he recorded for Fresh Air – though I kind of get the feeling he would have been more comfortable talking at a bar over beers than over the NPR radio waves. There was a documentary made with him, A Portrait of Billy Joe. It’s more than Billy Joe’s songs that have influenced me, it’s his presence. In the winter of 2004 I was camping at Joshua Tree in the California desert. One night Billy came to me in a vivid dream as a hillbilly angel / father figure. It was a visceral experience in which he offered me guidance during a particularly difficult time in my life. When I woke up, I felt his presence and had a better understanding of what I needed to do. At a shop the following day I found a brown leather belt with a brass ring for a buckle similar to the one I’d always seen Billy wear. He wore the same thing every time I saw him play in concert and in every photograph I’d seen him in for 50 years, a denim western pearl snap shirt and faded blue jeans with that brown leather belt with an oversized brass ring. The leather of his belt doubled-backed further across his chest in later years when his health declined and he became thinner.

I bought the belt that day in California and wear it regularly still. Billy’s songs, that I have listened to on vinyl, cassette tape, and digital files, remain in regular rotation on my stereo where he’ll live forever.

“Just like the songs I leave behind me I'm gonna live forever now” – Live Forever, Billy Joe Shaver

Photo of Billy Joe in Chicago, 1980 (top) by Kirk West.

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gstdaisuki · 4 years

Text

A Talk with Nathan McCree

(this is a followup to my video on Nathan’s work, which you should watch(!), and a mirror of the Patreon post)

Nathan McCree is well-known for his work on Tomb Raider. If you go digging, you’ll find he’s been interviewed about the series several times. However, he’s done quite a lot more. I’d like to fill in some of the gaps. Below are snippets from my chat with Nathan about music on the Megadrive, what it’s like to work within limitations, and music in the future.

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GST: Skeleton Krew's music is an oddity on the Megadrive. there's nothing else quite like it. I saw you mention that the soundscape was inspired by the graphics, which makes sense --they compliment each other beautifully. I want to ask what other influences you had in mind, if any. How much of the soundtrack was just created by just pushing strange sounds out of your tools?

NM: It's very difficult to say exactly where inspiration comes from. Mostly I am inspired by the kit I am using and the sounds they make, so in this case it was the sounds I was creating on the Yamaha chip inside the Megadrive. But musically at the time I was listening to a lot of psychedelic electronic bands like Ozric Tentacles, The Orb and lots of dance/trance/house music of the era.

GST: Now that you mention Ozric Tentacles, the arp sequences in Clockdrops have a similar feel to some of the tracks in Skeleton Krew. It's kind of striking, though I think the direction you went in is actually better realized because you seem to work so well within the FM on the Megadrive. (Hopefully the musical comparison isn't too offensive!)

NM: No I'm not offended by the comparison at all. I did learn a lot about synth patterns and textures from Ozric Tentacles, but again, without copying, I took what I learned and went in my own direction with it. It's important to always have a picture or an emotion of the project you are working on as this helps construct the music in a way which fits the mood of the product and as a result should gel the visuals and the animations together. The music in effect, acts as a kind of glue for the project which holds it all together.

GST: On the opposite end of the oddity spectrum, Astérix and the Power of the Gods for the Megadrive features nothing but classical songs. I'm curious if this was a decision from the game designers, or an exercise for you, or something else.

NM: It was a decision made by the game designer and programmer, Stefan Walker. Stef asked me if it were possible to convert 15 or so of the most famous classical pieces in history that were out of copyright protection (older than 90 years). Of course I said yes, and we set about listening and searching for pieces which fit that criteria and which would be suitable for the game. The conversion process from a full-orchestra down to a 6 note-polyphonic FM synthesizer was a challenge but a very enjoyable one, and the result earned the accolade "Best Megadrive Music Ever". I was rather chuffed with that.

GST: The soundtrack for BLAM! Machine Head is listed as released in 1995, which is before the game came out. Was this a promotional thing?

NM: Yes it was a promotional release of 300 vinyls. We sent a load to UK Clubs to try and get some club play time to promote the game. We succeeded a little but game soundtracks weren't really the thing back then so it gained little traction.

GST: That’s pretty amazing! That was late 1995, right on the precipice of game music leaking into the mainstream. (For reference, "Sega Tunes" came out in August 1996, "Club Saturn" in 1996, and Tommy Tallarico released his arrangement albums in mid-94 and mid-96) Did you get any feedback / reviews from the clubs?

NM: Yes we did. A few were kind enough to give us some feedback. One club I remember said about Nano-Seed, "a floor-filler!". That was good.

GST: Relatedly, what is your experience with club music? Some of the tracks on BLAM! sound perfect for the era. I wouldn't expect them to be written by someone who was previously unfamiliar with club music. Do you remember any particular songs or artists that you drew inspiration from?

NM: I was clubbing a lot in the 90s. I was going to Hot To Trot in Mansfield once a month, Renaissance in Derby in between and a few other local dance venues in Derby. In the end I was clubbing every weekend. Apart from the psychedelic bands I mentioned earlier I can't really pin-point a particular dance music artist. I was listening to so much and none of it was being repeated. I was constantly listening to new tracks. It was a very inspirational time musically and on top of all this I was writing my own dance music in my spare time outside of working at Core Design. So yeah, there was a whole lot of influence that went into the BLAM! Machinehead soundtrack. Having said that, with my writing, I always try to write something which I haven't heard before so I hope there is something unique and new about the music in BLAM! Machinehead.

GST: About Swagman: This seems like the most involved orchestral soundtrack that you had created since Soulstar. I'd like to compare the two a bit. How closely were you working with the rest of the team at this time? Swagman isn't a rail shooter so you can't match the soundtrack with the action in the levels... How much better was your gear at this point? I'd say "it doesn't sound like you struggled with your gear this time" but you actually disguised that struggle quite well in Soulstar, haha.

NM: As you say, Swagman wasn't a rail-shooter, so scripting the music to fit the game wasn't possible. Instead I used the location of each level as my main source of inspiration, and created atmospheres to fit those - The Nursery, In the Garden, Down the Well, The Crypt for example. I had some new kit by the time I started writing Swagman. Mainly the addition of the Roland JV1080 which I had expanded with the Orchestral Boards 1 & 2 and the World Expansion Board. I also had a Roland JV90 which is the keyboard version of the JV1080. That too was expanded. So I had plenty of voice-polyphony at that point and lots of very useful orchestral patches to play with. So you're right, it was less of a struggle with Swagman, but both projects were still very enjoyable to create. With Soulstar, I ended up using quite a few saw-tooth, synth-lead patches to create the brass ensembles. They actually sounded pretty good once they were buried in amongst the rest of the orchestral sounds!

GST: Battle Engine Aquila marks a soundtrack where you were freelance AND in the distant future of 2003. How much of your gear did you leave behind when you left Core Design to go freelance? And how much of it was digital instruments on your computer at this point? I ask the latter because, to my ears, this game sounds about as good as you can get without hiring a real orchestra.

NM: So obviously leaving Core Design meant saying goodbye to all the kit I had built up over the 6 years that I worked there, but of course I needed something to work with as a freelancer. So I spent a large chunk of my Tomb Raider money on a new studio for myself. Apart from the obvious stuff like a mixing desk, studio monitors and a PC, the decision needed to be made as to what instruments/synths I should buy. I had been really impressed with the Roland JV1080 so I bought one of those (and expanded it as before) and the synth geek in me also decided to by one of Roland's latest creations, the JP8000 - a fully record-able and controllable raw synth machine! With this machine it was possible to record the movement of every pot and fader straight to Cubase. A very useful tool for dance music, and to this day I still haven't used it to it's full potential. I also bought an Akai S9000 sampler which I used mainly for drums, so once again my orchestral setup was synth-based, rather than sample-based. So I started out freelance with this kit in 1998. When I got the opportunity to work on Battle Engine Aquila I decided I needed a bigger orchestra so I bought another Roland JV1080 (expanded again) and an E-MU Virtuoso 2000 orchestral synth which I quickly binned when the main controller knob became faulty and I wasn't impressed with the architecture of the signal path. I continued to use the Akai S9000 sampler for a few more years for electronic music but as soon as computers became fast enough for sample based editing inside the sequencing software, it too became a dust collector on my studio shelf along with other outboard gear which were replaced by VST instruments and Plugins. To this day I still use the 2 Roland JV1080s and my Roland JP8000, and that's about it. I'm not one of these musicians who needs to hide behind a million synths or new pieces of kit every month to convince people I can write music. I'm one of these guys who can make music from anything. A fork, knife, bottle, my kid's mini toy guitar, or glockenspiel. If it makes a note, I can use it, which I frequently have in my compositions over the years. I remember when I was working on a prehistoric game called BC, I used a metal electric fire which I scraped with a nail and hit some bricks with drum sticks to create the percussion sounds for the music. I don't need to buy new kit to be creative.

GST: I'm curious about what the limits are when it comes to crafting something unique. If you go too "far out," you'll have a unique song, but it might not resemble "music". Where's the balance between copying the songs you heard in the club and becoming autechre? Same question for non-electronic music: It's possible to get unique compositions if you go to the edge of music theory, but that can also become inaccessible. (You did seem to use odd time for the end theme of Waterlollies (11/8 by my count) though, which is always a fun technique.)

NM: Finding something new isn't about moving further and further away from music, it's about persevering with textures, ensembles, sounds, patterns and harmony until you find or create something which you haven't heard before. You have to wade through a load of stuff you have already heard until you find new waters. Sometimes that can take hours, sometimes days. You have to keep going. Adding stuff, deleting stuff. Thinking outside the box. Sometimes forgetting what you have been taught. Turning things upside down, back to front. It also helps to enter altered states of the mind when creating. This can be done in a variety of ways. Working late into the night until you are close to falling asleep for example, puts your brain into an almost dream state which helps create new things which you wouldn't normally think of during the day. This is why many creatives, and not just musicians, do their best work in the early hours of the morning. Other things can help too, drinking alcohol, but this has a negative impact on your hearing, and then of course there's marijuana which I think most musicians that have ever lived swear by! Personally for me, it's about perseverance, working at the detail and striving for perfection. Music doesn't have to be complicated or removed from tonality and harmony to be different. There are billions of combinations, it's just about looking for the new ones.

GST: One more question about the early days: Does any of the original software or source code for your Megadrive music still exist?

NM: There's a possibility that I have a copy of the programme somewhere on my hard drives but it needs a special custom built PCI card installed in your PC to work and that, I do not have anymore. You see in those days, getting access to certain elements of the games console just wasn't possible like it is today. Now you install some dev tools plugin and you have direct access to every feature of the console. Back in the early 90s we had to dismantle the machine with a screwdriver, rip out the circuit boards, making notes of the chip serial numbers and manufacturers, then calling the company and asking them for a full specification of the pin numbers and what each one did. After that, we would order the chips we wanted (or rip them out of the games console itself) and design our own circuit board which included the chips we wanted and have it all re-mounted onto a custom built PCI card which we would then install into a PC. After that, it was all about programming. We followed a similar process for the Megadrive sound chip. It was a Yamaha YM2612. So we ordered a couple of these directly from Yamaha and once we had the full spec it was pretty simple to work out how to wire it up on a circuit board. All we needed to do was to add left and right phono sockets to the output pins on the chip and send the 5v power supply to it and there you go, Megadrive synth on a PC! Of course there are the other pins (24 in total) which needed connecting up to the data bus, memory access pins, read/write request lines, interrupt request line, ground pins etc. but once we'd figured all this out it was simple enough to create a circuit diagram for the board. Once we had that we sent off the design and the 2 x Yamaha chips to a circuit board manufacturing plant in the UK. A week later our 2 x Megadrive synth PCI boards arrived. We plugged one into my PC and the other into Sean (programmer)'s PC, and we got to work coding up the sequencer. Sean took care of the machine-code level programming of the synth engine and I programmed the high-level language user interface. We had the whole sequencer up and running in 4 months. So I may have the source code and sequencer files but I don't have the hardware on which it runs. Of course I could have another circuit board made but it would take some time to get all that together again.

GST: What happened to Console Sounds / Industrial Ambiance? I can’t find it anywhere.

NM: I took the album off-line. It was available as a library album for a while but the critiques viewed it as if it was an album release and began slating it for sounding like off-the-shelf music - which is exactly what it was. It was never an album release. It was just a bunch of tunes that had not been used for anything, and I was just trying to earn some money. But when the critiques got hold of it and slated it, I took it down.

GST: That's understandable, but unfortunate. Have you considered bringing the album (or any of the songs) back on a service like Bandcamp or Soundcloud?

NM: Yes I do have ideas and avenues for a lot of my music. The first thing I want to do is to officially release all my game soundtracks. After that I'll see what's left and if there's any mileage releasing any of it.

GST: Actually, how much of your music can you release on Bandcamp? I know that the rights can get tied up...

NM: Well after the Kickstarter campaign, I am now officially a record company and publisher so I can release any of my music whenever I like. I don't need a platform like Bandcamp or Soundcloud (where often the composer/performer ends up surrendering their rights for little compensation). I don't need to do that now. I can release my music myself and retain 100% of the rights, which is a better way to go. It's been a hell of a lot of work to get to the company to this point, but the infrastructure is there now, so I'm going to continue with that.

GST: Oh, that's exciting! Do you have any idea when we can expect to see some old soundtracks released? I'm also very interested in the dance music you wrote outside of Core Design. That would be a fun throwback thing.

NM: I want to start rolling my old game soundtracks out over the next few years. I have earmarked about 10 albums which I think are worthy of release. They all require some work in terms of remastering and re-recording. Some would benefit from a live orchestral recording like Soulstar, Heimdall II, Swagman and Battle Engine Aquila to name a few, but those kinds of production are very expensive so we'll have to see how funding goes for that kind of thing. In the meantime though, I will be releasing new synthetic recordings of these soundtracks - all made using the original equipment which I wrote them on, so they will sound the same, only better! Yeah there's probably an album or two of dance type tracks kicking around which could be released. Other songs too which are still unfinished so i'll need to do a bit of work to finish those up into some releasable form. So plenty of work to keep me busy for the next 5 or so years I'd say.

GST: Where can we find news about these remastered albums? Where's a good place to find you? Is there anything else you'd like to plug?

NM: The best places to keep informed as to what I'm doing career wise is on my official FB page: https://www.facebook.com/nathanmccreeofficial/ and also my Twitter page: https://twitter.com/nrpmccree As far as plugs go, please just support my concerts. They cost a huge amount of money and time to organize and I can only keep doing them if we get a good attendance. It's really important, not just for The Tomb Raider Suite, but for games music in general, and if you do like the Tomb Raider Suite album which is free to play on Spotify, please consider buying a copy. This is how us musicians make a living and it really does help us to keep going and writing more stuff which hopefully you will enjoy. A big shout out to all the fans who have supported me so far and who continue to do so - you guys rock!

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johannesviii · 4 years

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1991

Weirdly enough, even if I was only 3 years old, there is one (1) song on this list which is there purely because of nostalgia, so.... yep, this is where the nostalgia bias actually starts, believe it or not.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

This list was wayyyy easier to make than the previous ones and I’ve actively listened to everything on it at some point or another in my life.

Also, after 1989 my sources for the French year-end lists are way more reliable, so that’s always something.

10 - Fading Like a Flower (Roxette)

US: #44 / FR: Not on the list

I swear this was already on this list in my drafts before reading the recent news. It was a bit of a shock.

Rest in peace.

9 - Shiny Happy People (REM)

US: #100 / FR: #86

Long ago, I saw someone calling this song REM’s worst song because it was, and I quote, “too happy to feel genuine, to the point of being disturbing”.

Implying that’s a flaw and not a feature.

8 - Je t’Aime Mélancolie (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

I don’t know who told Mylène Farmer she could mumble rap but that person needs to be found and... uh, and nothing, because the verses kinda suck but they’re just mildly annoying at worst and kinda funny at best. The music and the chorus are great though, to the point where I’m willing to put up with the rest.

That’s the point where someone who knows about her discography would go “but Johannes if you wanted to put an average MF hit song from 1991 on this list, Regrets was right there” and to that I’d answer “does this list look like a funeral?”

7 - Wind of Change (Scorpions)

US: #39 / FR: #3

Oooooh I listened to this a lot when I was 16. I even bought a battered vinyl version I found in a garage sale, just for collector purposes. You all know it, and I don’t have anything particularly interesting to say about it, but yeah, still great song to this day.

6 - Poupée Psychédélique (Thierry Hazard)

US: Not on the list / FR: #8

It’s a song mocking fashion and some of the ridiculous standards expected from women - the singer basically makes a long list of qualities and clothes for his completely artificial “psychedelic doll” who has “infinite legs” but who’s also made of “100% synthetic matter” and “needs batteries”.

This song is the one which landed on the list purely because of nostalgia, though. According to my father, little Johannes would start dancing every time it was on the radio, and yeah, I remember not getting most of the words of the song, nor, of course, the subtext. To tiny me, this was clearly a song about a guy who had an incredibly cool doll and wanted to tell the whole world about it.

I still like the song a lot today, mind you.

5 - The One and Only (Chesney Hawkes)

US: #93 / FR: Not on the list

This is on my “Fitz Kreiner” playlist and it’s one of my chosen theme songs for Fitz. I only discovered it a few years ago but I enjoy it a lot.

4 - Né en 17 à Leidenstadt (Fredericks, Goldman & Jones)

US: Not on the list / FR: #64

Nothing I could say would make that one justice if you don’t know about it yet (which I kind of expect since I’m pretty sure most of my followers don’t speak French to begin with), so here’s the song itself, and here’s a translation.

I love it but I respect it even more, to be honest.

3 - Losing My Religion (REM)

US: #33 / FR: #16

I have a strange history with this one, because it used to be very high on my lists of favorite songs. VERY.

And then... I don’t know. I got fed up with it in absolute record time. And it disappeared from my lists, my tapes, my head, everything. I genuinely don’t know. I still like it, I guess? It’s fine?

What happened? It’s like someone used one of these memory-wipe things from Men In Black to make me forget why I ever liked this song. ♫ That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, losing my favorite songs ♫

I’ve got no clue. It’s still #3 for this 1991 list, though.

2 - Crazy (Seal)

US: #75 / FR: #31

I. Adore. This song.

I mean. Of course I do, it’s almost at the top of this list. But hear me out. For literal years, I only had one (1) partial recording of it on a tape, beginning in the middle of the last sentence of the first verse, I didn’t know who was singing it or what it was called, I labelled it “? a little crazy?” on the sticker, and that was it. And yet I would listen to that song a lot. A looooooot. It is that good, and it’s a shame I never really connected with this guy’s songs again afterwards, but that one right there? Amazing.

I finally found what it was around 2004, and it instantly claimed a spot on my top 30, right next to friggin Moonlight Shadow.

If it was any other year, it would claim the top spot very easily.

Alas, this is 1991. There was always going to be one obvious winner and no one else.

1 - Désenchantée (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I will forever be salty about this monster of a hit being denied its year-end #1 on the FR chart by a terrible novelty song. F o r e v e r.

About 17 years after I first made contact with Mylène Farmer, I’m no longer a real fan, I’m aware all of her stuff is deeply flawed and always was, and she’s mostly made some pretty subpar music since then.

None of this matters one bit because this song about a “disenchanted generation” is a f█cking amazing accidental Millenial anthem and it's still relevant to this day (”everything is chaos around me / all my ideals are just damaged words / I’m looking for a soul who’d be able to help me / I’m from a disenchanted generation / disenchanted”).

Did I like it back when I was making my lists on paper, though?

Um.

Yeah.

A fair bit.

And it’s accompanied by a ten-minutes-long music video depicting a rebellion against some generic unnamed fascist regime in some sort of prison or camp, and ending with the victorious rebels facing an endless plain and wondering where to go next and where to start again. The music video itself is, again, very flawed but still impressive and I really like the general idea of “rebellion is difficult, and messy, and scary, and sometimes it has to happen regardless of all of that”.

If you’ve never seen this music video before (the actual song starts around 1:30), well, it’s Mylène Farmer right in the middle of her Ultimate Goth Phase(tm) (for crying out loud there’s a crow on the album cover) so, uh, here’s various trigger warnings for fire, people getting hit in various ways, firearms, stones and glass bottles being thrown, blood, rats, and also, someone eating a bug. Enjoy, or not.

Also, this is what convinced me to cut my hair super short as soon as I was able to do so (2003 - my mother was not pleased) AND to wear a black cap on my head. I still have that cap. I still wear it. That’s just a footnote but yeah. Thanks, Désenchantée. I owe you one.

Next up: the list where I definitely lose the respect of everyone reading these lists hoping for actual quality.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #flashing lights #eye contact tw

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nananaptime · 4 years

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Blind

Ok, so. For this month’s prompt on Honey10 Amino, we were supposed to rewrite an old fanfic. It didn’t have to be an Up10tion fic and we were hence allowed to use a fic featuring another group and remake it into a fic starring Up10tion. Therefore, I chose to rewrite my Jimin scenario from 2016, hope you like it ^^

Masterlist Rules

Genre: Angsty? But fluffier than the original

Word count: 1 776

Summary: A best friend’s jealousy is very confusing when you’re blind to it….

Spotting Dongyeol standing by the shopping mall entrance was not a difficult feat and I successfully got his attention by calling his name. A friendly smile covered his features as he saw me and he greeted me with a soft hug. He slightly scolded me for not wearing a warmer jacket and hence acted like an older brother even though he was younger than me by almost a year. I just shrugged my shoulders, explaining that I was warm-blooded and therefore didn’t get cold as easily as others would. He just shook his head at my indifference and led me into the mall, hoping that I would avoid getting sick due to the cold spring day.

We had decided to meet up today to buy the presents necessary for Hwanhee’s upcoming birthday. The fact that he was turning 22 was beyond me as my mental picture of him was still of a five-year-old boy who couldn’t keep himself out of trouble for the life of him. What he wished for ranged over a big variety of things, such as clothes, shoes and music albums. Out of the many presents available at my disposal, I figured a new album would be the easiest to get right. Due to this thought process, I grabbed Dongyeol’s elbow and dragged him towards the local music shop which contained everything from Taylor Swift to Bring Me the Horizon.

As we entered the small store, the smell of vinyl records hit me and I let out a pleased sigh. I instantly located the Big Bang albums and bought one of the first ones they had released, knowing that Hwanhee wanted the old ones as well as the new ones. Behind me, Dongyeol scanned the many rows of music and took up some he was interested in on closer inspection. He jumped slightly as I alerted him of having paid the album and was ready to go. A sheepish smile covered his face as he put the album down and followed me out the door, thanking the workers in the process.

Over the next hour, I followed Dongyeol from shop to shop as he contemplated what to buy for his friend. To say that I was slightly annoyed by the end of it was an understatement, especially because my stomach had been grumbling in hunger for half that time. Once he finally paid for a pair of new designer shoes, I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the closest café for a toasted sandwich and some well-needed coffee.

“One americano and one mocha latte please.” I snapped my head towards Dongyeol in surprise.

“You know my order?” I asked, earning a teasing smirk from him.

“We’ve had coffee on multiple occasions before and you always order the same thing, of course, I know your order.” He said with a roll of his eyes as he took out his wallet.

“Hey! I can pay for myself, thank you very much.” I tried stopping him but too late, he had already paid the barista and gave me my hot beverage. I shot a glare his way as we made our way to an available table.

“What? Can’t I treat a friend to coffee for once?” He asked with an innocent tone lacing every word. I just shook my head at his ways and sat down by a table, hanging my coat over the back of the chair.

It was quite warm inside and as I wrapped my fingers around the cup, I realised that Dongyeol was right. I was colder than I had expected to be, a revelation apparent to me as I felt the warmth travelling from my fingers and throughout my body. A sigh of relief left my lips and I heard Dongyeol chuckling at me.

“I told you you were going to be cold.” I just stuck my tongue out at him before bringing my cup to my mouth and taking a sip, causing me to splutter slightly and put the cup on the table again, now complaining over the burning sensation on my tongue.

“Careful, it’s hot.”

“Couldn’t have said that a couple of seconds earlier?” He just smiled at my retort and pulled out his phone from his pocket, opening an app which threw a yellow glow onto his face. I assumed he had opened snapchat.

“Smile!” He exclaimed and turned around in his chair, causing me to appear in the selfie behind him. He snapped the picture and put the caption “Shopping for friends isn’t easy” on the picture before posting it to his story. We proceeded with a comfortable conversation when, suddenly, my phone started ringing in my pocket.

“Hello?” I answered in a sing-song voice, already knowing it was Hwanhee due to the caller ID.

“Y/N! Where are you?” His voice sounded tense, something not very common with my sunshine best friend. My answer was therefore slightly guarded. “I’m at the mall, having a coffee with Dongyeol-”

“Yeah, I saw that!” His behaviour had me at a loss for words. I’d dealt with an aggravated Hwanhee before, but not without knowing the reason behind his aggravation. The reason for this behaviour was beyond me.

“Then why would you ask, Hwanhee?” I was getting slightly annoyed myself, finding the treatment very uncalled for.

“I… I just wanted to see what your answer would be.”

“What my answer would be? What other answer would I give you than the truth?” The fact that I was indirectly accused of being able to lie had my blood boiling, and Hwanhee more than well knew that deceitfulness was one of the traits I despised. I heard him let out a sigh on the other end of the line.

“Why are you with Dongyeol?”

“We’re running some errands. Why are you asking me all these questions like some kind of interrogation, Hwanhee?”

“I’m just looking out for you, okay.” I rolled my eyes at the excuse, knowing very well that something else motivated this phone call.

“Even if I was on my own, I could’ve taken care of myself, you know.” Another sigh was heard over the phone.

“Can you just come back to your apartment, please?”

“You’re at my apartment?”

“Yeah, I wanted to hang out but you weren’t here, I let myself in with the spare key.” I have permitted him to do that, hence why he had a key and why that fact didn’t bother me as much as people would think.

“Fine, I’m pretty much done anyway, but we need to talk when I get there.” Then I hung up, not bothering to wait for a response.

“Should we head back?” Dongyeol asked, giving me a worried expression. I gave him a nod before standing and putting on my jacket again, giving him a reassuring smile in the process as to tell him I was okay.

It wasn’t that long of a walk back to my apartment and Dongyeol walked me all the way there, saying he didn’t want me to go alone due to the falling darkness. It had gotten colder during our walk and I regretted not wearing warmer clothes. Dongyeol noticed me shivering and offered me his scarf while throwing teasing remarks at me all the while. The scarf was so big it covered half my face.

Soon enough, I entered my home and warmth welcomed me like a long lost friend. I unwrapped the scarf that both I and Dongyeol had forgotten about and hung it on a hook. Footsteps were heard and before I knew it, Hwanhee appeared in the doorway. Had it not been for that weird phone call, I would’ve been excited to see him.

I stared at him for a moment but when it didn’t seem like he would say anything, I walked past him and plopped down on the couch.

“Why would you hang out with Dongyeol, of all people?” The whine that accompanied the question had me laughing and the pout on his lips didn’t help to erase the childish exterior he was currently adapting. He glared at me and I tried stopping my laughter, deciding then to confront his weird behaviour.

“He’s my friend too, you know. I’m allowed to hang out with other people than you.” I felt like an explanation was unnecessary and that this should be obvious but for some reason, it left my lips either way.

“Of course you are, but you could’ve asked Sooil, or Minsoo or Gyujin to go with you, but of course you had to ask the one with a crush on you!” I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the statement which caused Hwanhee to become even more aggravated. I couldn’t help myself though, the thought was just too hilarious.

“Hwanhee, uhm, you do know Dongyeol has a girlfriend, right? He doesn’t have a crush on me.” He froze, then turned fully to me, mouth agape. I nodded at his silent question. “Dongyeol and I are just friends and I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if someone had a crush on me.” Now it was his turn to laugh out loud, before rubbing his face in his hands and looking at me once again.

“Sorry, but you’re way too blind to know when someone has a crush on you.” I scoffed playfully at him and pushed his shoulder lightly.

“How would you know, I’m the one inside my head.” His expression suddenly softened and he looked at me silently for a long time, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I know,” he whispered eventually. “I know because you haven’t noticed anything.” He looked down at his hands which were clasped tightly together, suddenly seeming very shy. “You haven’t noticed my crush on you.” I felt my eyes grow to the size of saucers. Then I grabbed his face, slowly turning it towards me and gazing into his eyes, trying to look for some sign of this being a prank. When that task was deemed unsuccessful, I had no choice but to believe his confession.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” My question came out as a whisper, fearing that if I spoke too loud, I would break the connection which I was now feeling.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” He looked down again, refusing to meet my eyes. A small smile made its way onto my lips while I put my finger under his chin and lifted his face.

“Who said you ruined anything?” He looked at me with a shocked expression but before he had the time to answer, I pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss.

#Up10tion #up10tion scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios #scenarios #u10t #hwanhee #lee hwanhee #up10tion hwanhee #honey10 #music #love #nananaptime

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

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Closer to the End

Depression is my nemesis. Eventually it will kill me.

...if I let it.

By Billy Goate

Art by RusoTsig (@rusotsig)

Life's falling away from me. The visual evidence is all about. Unopened mail builds up at random spots around the room like mini Towers of Babel. Even things that normally give me great delight -- a recently delivered set of vinyl records -- lie undisturbed in their brown cardboard packages. Meanwhile, my email continues to multiply exponentially: 200 unanswered today, 400 tomorrow, 800 on the day after that (for the curious, the tally stands at 2,359 today). The very thought of opening my inbox makes it equivalent to walking out into open traffic, so I avoid it like the plague.

Meals have become simplified these days -- if it can't be eaten out of a package, forget about it. And all those empty wrappers? They, too, join the general disorder, decorating the landscape of my solitary hovel. Eventually, messages from friends and family go unread. Bills go unpaid (even when there are sufficient funds). The yard turns into a veritable jungle of tall grass, weeds, and sprawling bushes. Clothes go unwashed and hygiene is neglected for days at a time. Weekends are spent pouring over regrets about what might have been, brooding about the end of days.

As any doctor will confirm, these are classic symptoms of depression. What they can't tell you is how hopeless hopelessness can feel.

Karl Briullov - The Last Days of Pompeii (detail)

Black Sabbath’s final show in the Pacific Northwest. Usnea's album release party. Saint Vitus reunited with their first singer, Scott Reagers. The return of Sasquatch. Once in a lifetime small venue appearances by international bands, such as Cult of Occult. A rare hometown gig by Yob. Visits from Goya, Primitive Man, and countless others. Ceremony of Sludge. Even events with the Doomed & Stoned's own name stamped on them. All of these are things I've missed out on in the past year or two because of depression.

It's not that I was too down to even consider going. On the contrary, I was actively planning to go. I RSVP'd, bought tickets, and even checked out the camera equipment to film the shows. In most cases, I'd gotten dressed and readied, even told people to expect me, but for one reason or another I fell under the unyielding grip of depression and came up with an excuse for why I couldn't go. Then one day I just got tired of making excuses and stopped going out altogether.

In one case, I was halfway down the road on a two-hour trip to see Saint Vitus and Witch Mountain perform at Star Theater, when suddenly a wave of grief washed over me from head to spine. As soon as I spotted the nearest overpass, I exited, turned around, and returned home. Even shows I knew would be cathartic (Bell Witch playing their titular Mirror Reaper at a local watering hole) just couldn't cause me to drive a couple miles down the road. The few times I managed to go out, it was because I absolutely forced myself. I practically fought with my inner man all the way there, too -- teeth clenched, hands tightly gripping the wheel, rehearsing in my mind a myriad of reasons why I should just turn back and stay home.

For me, Alice in Chains captures the frustration perfectly in "Excuses":

Everyday it's something Hits me all so cold

Find me sittin' by myself No excuses, then I know

Depression has robbed me of so much. I've missed opportunities to collaborate with musicians and artists because of it. I've pushed away friends and family, until contact between us has become more and more scarce. I've even stopped celebrating my birthday. I have become a shadow of a man.

What's worse, there's been a new development: anhedonia. I remember only casually looking up the meaning of that word when reviewing Undersmile's album by the same name. Anhedonia basically means that you stop finding pleasure in life. As I browse through my friend's timelines, I find it difficult to relate to their happiness. I think quite often of the emptiness of it all, of being alone and growing older, and the ultimate futility of human pursuits. I often feel more of an observer than an actor in the great drama of life.

As you read all of this, bear in mind that I've managed to hold down a steady, full-time job for decades, right up to the present day. You see, some cope by drinking, others by eating, and others still chase the fleeting high of romantic love, but I found my copacetic in work (as absurd as that might sound). I’ve damn near worked myself to death over the past couple years, too, taking precious few "mental health days" or vacation. At one point, I stopped accruing paid time off, because I'd reached my limit and my boss had no choice but to mandate that I take two days off per month. Can you imagine? I’d been known to come into work on the weekend, rather than spend it alone with my thoughts. At least at work, I can stay distracted with something I feel makes some kind of difference.

I can't feel my life Makes me want to cry How bad i feel inside Like I wanna die

Destination unknown Wreckage in tow Depression grows I have no home

Lately, all I've wanted to do on the weekends is sleep. When I'm at work, I'm fine. I'm in the zone. I have purpose. Things make sense. I'm needed. When I'm home, I always have a list of to-dos, but no matter how busy I try to make myself, I find myself suffering with a lonely, aching feeling. It hurts to be alive. That's the only way I can describe it. So I go to sleep early -- and sleep and sleep and sleep -- without so much as the aid of melatonin. All I want to do is go to sleep and forget and wake up the next day and start fresh, hoping all of the oppressive feelings of darkness have left me. I'll sleep 9 hours, 10 hours, 12 hours is not unheard of, then curse when the alarm wakes me up to face the day. I haven't slept so much since I was a teenager.

At least some of my depression seems linked with sunlight. While the sun is out, I'm mostly okay. When I'm taking my meds, I feel possessed with purpose and I'm busy chipping away at a dozen assorted projects, networking with bands, record labels, and PR reps around the globe, auditing new records, editing submissions from my team, and occasionally summoning enough nerve to write an album review of my own. But when the sun sets and darkness takes hold, bathing the landscape in its sinister shadows, everything changes.

In the heart of winter, there is an existential dread that overtakes me when the sun sets. It's almost primitive. There seems to be no rational basis for feeling this way, unless we factor in some kind of code passed along in the evolutionary programming of the reptilian brain over the millennia. You know, that thing responsible for our fight or flight response -- the urge to either take a swing or get the hell out of Dodge.

Loneliness is not a phase Field of pain is where I graze

Saw my reflection and cried So little hope that I died

That cryptic note of horror hints at what happens when our coping mechanisms stop working for us. For me, it was burnout. I worked and worked and worked, and then I came home and did Doomed & Stoned in the evenings and weekends until I inevitably reached a point of absolute and total system overload.

We've seen a spate of deaths in recent years in the heavy music world stemming from depression. It seems to be the creative person's curse. Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. Linda Nygren of the Wounded Kings. Dozens more artist deaths are listed as "N/A" in Metal Archives, but you always wonder. Even an accidental drug overdose can owe its underlying cause to depression. Often it's hard to untangle addiction from the need to escape acute emotional pain.

Though it is tempting to buy into conspiracy theories linking suicide to pharmaceuticals, chemtrails, fluoride in the water, gangstalking, and covert government ops, it's important to recognize that suicide is nothing unique to our life and times. Narrowing the focus more specifically to musicians and other artistic types, we've had many historic instances of depression. Think Beethoven, Franz Liszt, and Tchaikovsky -- three people who pioneered much of the musical language that doom metal utilizes for expression. Each experienced prolonged periods of melancholia for various reasons, from physical malady and loss-fueled grief to unrequited love and the utter rejection of society. Arguably, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky died at his own hand.

Perhaps it won't surprise you that many of us who have an affinity for doom metal (though certainly not all) are also at risk for suicide. A recently published study by the University of Manchester found a correlation, though not a causal link, between members of "alternative subcultures" and "the risk of self-harm and suicide." There was no definite conclusion drawn from the piece, other than to point out that a problem exists (no kidding) and that more long-term studies are needed.

I've got a notion as to why heavy music draws the heavy-laden: misery loves company. We're drawn to the mysteriously compelling ability that doom has to commiserate with our feelings, from lyrics that deal so honestly with sadness to the solace of sharing a joint with those who are on a similar path.

But sometimes depression is so severe that you don't want to go out on the weekends at all, not even for your favorite band. Before I get too deep into my own story and how I'm treating my depression, some of you may wonder why I am writing this piece and have decided to share it publicly. I can assure you, I have nothing to gain from this. I'm not crying out for help (I'm too stubborn to ask for it when needed, anyway) and I'm certainly not trying to sell you on anything.

To be truthful, I've been chipping away at this piece (currently standing at 53,726 characters) for two years. I revisit it when the depression hurts the most. It acts as a kind of release valve for me and since that's at least providing some relief, I'll keep scribbling words upon this page. So before you leave thinking this was all just a self-indulgent slab of depression porn, stay tuned. There really is more to the story, including some valuable insights I'm learning about dealing constructively with my depression and its underlying causes -- physical and psychological.

To be continued...

★ Read Part II

☆ Read Part III

Here I sit writing on the paper Trying to think of words you can't ignore

See the cycle I've waited for It ain't like that anymore

#Closer To The End #Depression #Suicide #Doom #Metal #Alice in Chains #Jerry Cantrell #Doomed & Stoned

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clayray3290 · 3 years

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Clayray Closeout 2020

Alrighty, I am writing this in 2021 because I had things to do on New Year’s Eve lol.

Well, 2020 has been quite a difficult year. I am grateful to be as fortunate as I am, but at the same time, most of the year I have spent full of rage and despair and frustration and fear and grief at all of the loss and all of the injustice and just all of the horrific things that have happened this year. For 2021, I’m trying to find hope and to gather strength to persevere and keep on doing my part in fighting for what is right and contributing good to the world.

Art played a huge part in helping me get through this year, so let me take a look back at some of that great art:

Music - Artists

BTS

Jesse & Joy

Niall Horan

Glass Animals

McFly

Taylor Swift

Fiona Apple

Little Mix

Chloe x Halle

Secret

Who knew BTS would top this list? I’ve followed them from before their debut, but I am a casual fan at best. Though I was supposed to take my mom (who is a bigger fan than I am) to the concert at the Rose Bowl this year...until the pandemic happened.

Obviously, I did not go to any concerts this year, so there are no artists that got a bump from my having seen them live this year. However, some old standbys released some new albums this year - Jesse & Joy, Glass Animals, McFly, Little Mix. And speaking of Little Mix, news of Jesy’s departure from the group sent me into a spin down memory lane listening to their discography more. Also T. Swift’s two (2!!) new albums were in heavy rotation as well.

Secret made this list too, even though of course they’re disbanded now. My love for them stays strong, and their solo releases this year I enjoyed - Particularly Jieun’s Make It Love.

Chloe x Halle I started listening to much more than before, because “Ungodly Hour” is a fantastic album. Which juuuuust missed the cut of my top albums.

Music - Albums

BTS - MAP OF THE SOUL: 7

Niall Horan - Heartbreak Weather

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series Cast - High School Musical: The Musical: The Series Original Soundtrack

Jesse & Joy - Aire (Versión Día)

Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Starry Cast - Starry

Glass Animals - Dreamland

ZOMBIES 2 Cast - ZOMBIES 2 Original TV Movie Soundtrack

Taylor Swift - folklore

Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift [Deluxe Edition]

HSMTMTS and Z2 are products of work, but there generally are some fantastic songs from these soundtracks that I love independently. Olivia Rodrigo has turned out to be a star, and “All I Want” is gorgeous. And “Flesh & Bone” in particular is incredible and young people found such meaning from its lyrics, like “No more hesitation, it’s time we start to realize / With all this separation, silence is still taking sides.”

I have a fraught relationship with Glass Animals’ Dreamland right now because I had bought a limited edition vinyl, but there has been a whole rigmarole because it was super delayed (literally months!) and I went home to Michigan and so then I had to change the delivery address to my friend’s, and then she moved, too, so it has been a whole thing.

Starry is an as-yet unstaged musical about Vincent van Gogh, and it is exquisite. Please give it a listen and fall in love with it like I did.

Lastly, I once heard “Fetch the Boltcutters” as “Vegetable Goddess” and I cannot unhear it.

Movies

Soul Yes, would love if we could have a Black protagonist be a Black protagonist for the whole movie, but look, this is a beautiful beautiful film that is so meaningful. I cried so much.

The Old Guard It would be an honor to be slayed by Charlize Theron, Kiki Layne, or Gina Prince-Bythewood.

Palm Springs A delightful time loop take, and just so darn charming.

Emma. Works better as a comedy than a romance, but lusciously shot and Anya Taylor-Joy takes one of the trickiest Austen heroines and brings her to full life.

A Recipe for Seduction Okay, this one’s a joke. The KFC x Lifetime “movie” is ridiculous, but I have no regrets watching it.

The above list is just of movies that newly came out in 2020.

I watched a whopping 390 movies in 2020, 200 of which were Quarantine Movies with my friend Richard w/a Beard (Our 200th was BLOODY NEW YEAR, literally begun on New Year’s Eve with just moments left of 2020). Rw/aB and I watch mostly B-movies, slashers, giallos, psychedelic musicals, 80′s sex comedies, kung fu movies, and made-for-TV kids’ movies. And the KFC x Lifetime movie. (For the record, my top 5 of these movies would be: Blood Beat, Killer Workout, Pieces, StageFright: Aquarius, Mr. Boogedy. Honorable Mention to The Apple and Miami Connection.)

Honorable Mention: Sound of Metal (Technically a 2019 movie), Lucky Grandma (Also a 2019 movie), Hala (Again 2019), the Disney+ music specials like Hamilton and Black Is King, the Pixar SparkShorts particularly Loop, our DCOM releases this year - Zombies 2 and Upside-Down Magic and Secret Society of Second-Born Royals

Films I Want To See But Haven’t Yet: Minari (I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet), One Night in Miami..., Definition Please, Disclosure, The Forty-Year-Old Version, The Personal History of David Copperfield (DEV PATEL), Nomadland

Television

I May Destroy You What an awe-inspiringly incredible show. Michaela Coel is a force.

Ted Lasso On a much lighter note than I May Destroy You, lol. This show could’ve been so stupid, but it is actually so deft and wise and mature. And just so full of heart.

The Baby-Sitters Club It is hard to take a beloved work and reboot it. But this show not only made it contemporary, but updated it to be relevant and to ring true for today. And it is just simply a really good show.

Normal People My heart aches from this show, and in the best way.

Little Fires Everywhere This show took an incredible book and distilled it into its best form, packing just such gut punches along the way.

Not New: Pen15, Crash Landing on You (Did a group watch with friends for this, like we did with Erkenci Kus last year!), Schitt’s Creek, What We Do in the Shadows, Watchmen, Kidding, Succession

Honorable Mentions: Never Have I Ever, The Queen’s Gambit, Lovecraft Country, Bridgerton, Dead Still (A show about a Victorian dead people photographer!), The Amber Ruffin Show (I’m not actually much of a late night person, but I adore Amber Ruffin), Dash & Lily, Supermarket Sweep Reboot, Julie and the Phantoms, Taste the Nation, Little America, The Stranger (RIP Quibi)

Shows I Haven’t Finished Yet But Will: Ramy, Saved by the Bell Reboot, Gentefied, The Mandalorian, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

According to my Trakt, I watched 282 hours of TV and 522 hours of movies in 2020 (But this was before the last week of 2020, so this is an undercount). That’s 805 hours total, which would be about 33.5 days lmao, so basically a month of my year was spent watching something hahahahahaha. I watch a lot.

But apparently, I listen even more? According to my Last.fm, I scrobbled 30,916 songs, making for total listening time of 74 days and 8 hours. Whew! Well, let’s get into my top songs then~

#Clayray Closeout

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jafreitag · 3 years

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2020

On January 1, 2020, I went to LNHQ. The holiday party had happened a few days earlier – a sorta-epic “booze cruise” with Lana Del Rey off the Catalina coast. Everybody nursed hangovers on flights back home, and then bugged off to celebrate their new years with their people.

The office was spotless – just a few dust motes floating across the afternoon sunlight in the conference room. I grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote “What if…” on the green board. It was intended as a turn-the-page talking point. OM and I had had a sit-down after we got back from Cali. Good talk, honestly. He’s well-versed in stuff that I do not understand, and he’s driving the proverbial bus as the new LN CEO. Lotta heartfelt questions from him, lotta heartfelt idks from me. “You gotta…” and “Yeah, I suck at that, but what about…” Some bourbon later, we adjourned. “Love you, dude” and “love you back, man.” Let’s meet next week and ok.

So that’s why I was there. What are we doing? What if… What if we actually try hard? What if ECM keeps killing it on Instagram? What if Jane and Trevor come back? What if we move to a new location, and the corporate and content wings find a new synergy? What if all of the sponsorships pan out? And O’s settlement with Adidas? Sky’s the limit, right? Let your imagination wander. I mean, what if Fiona Apple puts out a new album in 2020, and it’s not just great, but better than The Idler Wheel, which was the best album of 2012?

Seriously. What if?

Or what if the entire world breaks?

That wasn’t in my head back then.

It’s December now. And we’re in a global pandemic, which is getting worse (or at least not getting measurably better) every day. This year has been indescribably difficult for all of us, particularly the ones personally affected by Covid-19. And it has been difficult for businesses across every sector, particularly entertainment. Seen a show lately? Nope? Me, neither. At the beginning of the summer, I paid Laura Marling to watch a stream of her performance at Union Chapel in London. Seemed cool then, seems irrelevant now.

We can’t help artists/bands, really, until we can see them again. And who knows when that will be? Next summer? Next fall? Maybe 2022 before we all feel safe in massive crowds again (even with masks)? Maybe never? Until then, we have streaming services. And … woof. That’s an Apple/Spotify cart that I’d prefer not to upend, mainly because it benefits me, but it’s worth some words.

I’m a Spotify person. My home team is comprised of six Spotify people. We pay, collectively, $14.99/month to stream almost any music ever recorded and released. That’s around $2.50 per person per month. Pretty good deal, right? For sure. Here’s the problem: Spotify pays $0.003 per stream. That’s 1/3 of a penny. If you’re a Zeppelin or a Beatle or a Stone, that’s just a nice little dividend. (Keith is like, “Hey, baby, I love Spot-ify. I bought this sweet fedorah with that check.”) If you’re somebody else, somebody less established in the Rock-royalties pantheon, you’re probably not buying a hat. You’re probably hoping that Spotify might, might, pick up your next cup of coffee – or one at the end of the year, I don’t know how that works.

Spotify does this year-end Wrapped thing. You get a weird Snapchat/Instagram video that tells you stuff. Your most listened-to artist/band, your also-rans, etc. You also get some pretty sweet virtual (and unearned) affirmation.

My win was this.

911 seems good. It’s better than 11. The green-dotify didn’t specify whom those new artists were, which sucks, but I have a decent idea. And I’m guessing that many of those artists have Bandcamp pages, and I didn’t visit any of those. Actually, that’s not true. I did visit the Car Seat Headrest page because Will put out three different iterations of the new record on streaming, cd, and vinyl. It was mostly the same – alternate sequences and some alternate versions of certain tracks. The alternate versions weren’t on Bandcamp. You had to buy all three formats to get the whole record. Or you had to be ok with the iteration that you got. Or you could just find the alternate versions on YouTube. Sure, they wouldn’t be on your phone, but you got to hear them.

That’s not me being petty or cheap. I could’ve bought the cd and vinyl iterations. And I could’ve bought alot of music on Bandcamp, but I couldn’t have bought 911-new-artists worth. How many could I have bought? Not sure. How would I have decided? Not sure. I’m glad that I discovered that many sounds, and I’m concerned that most of those sounds were produced by real people struggling to create in this challenging (intentionally undersold the adjective there, but “terrible” and “horrible” seemed trite) environment. I’m more glad than concerned, if you follow the dichotomy. And I’m not happy about it. Having identified the problem, however, I’m flummoxed about a solution.

I listened to alot of music in 2020. #WFH #FTW (And two hashtag sentence fragments make a sentence. I just checked the LN style manual. Jane said ok.)

Alessandro Deljavan is an Italian pianist, who was born a few months before I graduated high school. He recorded Erik Satie’s piano works. My best friend and I listened to that alot this year – she calls it “sleeping music.” Miles Davis, obv. Early-covid, I made a chronologically-tight playlist of his pre-Columbia material. Mid-covid, I started a chronologically-tight and still-unfinished playlist of his fusion material. Jenny Lin? I think that’s a holdover from last year, when sleeping music was her Chopin’s Nocturnes. CSH was my lawnmowing soundtrack. Daniel Baremboim? No idea, maybe I hit his Mendelssohn’s Leider ohne Worte too many times during the days.

Minutes listened and top genre are what I want to talk about, real quick, before I get list-y. 115,891 minutes is 1,931 or so hours, and 80.5 or so days. I listened to two and a half months straight of music this year. That’s not a brag or even a humble brag. It’s a fact. And most of that (trust me here, I ran my ass off to playlists) was Indie Rock – the aforementioned “new artists.” How can I help them, besides streaming their amazing work over and over and over, and championing them here? Shouting indirectly at Spotify on social media seems unlikely to change a flawed system. Anybody with more constructive ideas can share them below the line.

Ok, the list.

I did it. I broke the unspoken rule (nobody gets #1 twice), and I’m ok with it. 2020 was a unique year. Up top, that’s Fiona from a Zoom call over the summer. She didn’t really know about Liner Notes, but she was willing to talk while walking her dogs. I wasn’t sure that Fetch the Bolt Cutters would be the album of the year at that point, but it was a nice chat. Tbh, I struggled to finalize the list because any of the Top 10 could’ve been Top. The margins were very fine. (And fwiw, I may tweak things a bit over the next few weeks.) Links to Spotify. And COME ON, Spotify. Pay artists more, and pay indie artists even more than that.

Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

This Is the Kit – Off Off On

HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III

En Attendant Ana – Juillet

Samia – The Baby

Kelly Lee Owens – Inner Song

Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals

Porridge Radio – Every Bad

SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) / Untitled (Rise)

Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore

The 1975 – Notes On A Conditional Form

Car Seat Headrest – Making a Door Less Open

Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

Lomelda – Hannah

Fleet Foxes – Shore

Soccer Mommy – color theory

Beach Bunny – Honeymoon

Retirement Party – Runaway Dog

Shopping – All or Nothing

Ela Minus – acts of rebellion

The Strokes – The New Abnormal

Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

Kate NV – Room for the Moon

Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Gum County – Somewhere

Bad Moves – Untenable

Jeff Tweedy – Love Is the King

Laura Marling – Song for Our Daughter

Autechre – SIGN

Four Tet – Sixteen Oceans

Sorry – 925

Dream Wife – So When You Gonna…

Fenne Lily – BREACH

Margaret Glaspy – Devotion

Jordana – Something to Say to You

Hinds – The Prettiest Curse

Gorillaz – Song Machine: Season One

Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

Tycho – Simulcast

Ólafur Arnalds – some kind of peace

Ezra Feinberg – Recumbent Speech

Slow Pulp – Moveys

Young Jesus – Welcome to Conceptual Beach

Bartees Strange – Live Forever

U.S. Girls – Heavy Light

Empress Of – I’m You’re Empress Of

Charli XCX – how i’m feeling now

Oliver Coates – skins n slime

LN is on hiatus for a little while.

More soon.

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#IFTTT #WordPress

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markwatkinsconsumerguide · 4 years

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Consumer Guide / No.97 / Oxford Mail journalist Andy Ffrench talking books and records with Mark Watkins.

MW : Tell me about yourself...

AF : I’m Andy Ffrench and I live and work in Oxfordshire. I’ve been a newspaper journalist for over 30 years and I’ve been lucky enough to work for my current paper, the Oxford Mail for over two decades.

I live with my wife and three children in Abingdon. When I’m not working I enjoy playing old records, watching football – I had to give up playing when I kept getting injured – and reading crime novels. Ian Rankin’s Rebus thrillers have always been a favourite as it’s a great way to be in Edinburgh without actually visiting. There are lots of fantastic crime writers out there – Cara Hunter and Olivia Kiernan are both Oxford-based authors, so I have enjoyed interviewing them about their latest stories.

I’ve bought hundreds of second-hand books over the years and love going to Hay-on-Wye where there must be about 40 different bookstores – such a big variety and you can lose yourself for days there. It’s been a family tradition over the years to camp there for the Hay Festival and it’s been a big thrill to see and meet some of my favourite authors and performers over the years including Clive James and Billy Bragg.

MW : How did you get into record collecting?

AF : I started buying records when I was a kid – I was probably about 10 when I bought my first single, Brian and Michael’s Matchstalk Men – it’s not cool to say that but of course I bought Oliver’s Army too and Blondie’s Sunday Girl so my choices were varied.

From quite a young age I got hooked on hearing a tune on the radio – usually Radio Luxembourg – and then going to the record shop later to buy the single. In those days back in the late 70s singles would only cost about £1 and if I skipped school dinners I could buy the latest Two Tone release, or David Watts by The Jam.

Funnily enough, 40 years on you can still pick up singles for £1 a go, or maybe even 50p each, in charity shops, record shops, or the market and the thrill hasn’t gone of picking up a great Motown tune, or I Can’t Explain by the Who, for almost nothing.

So, singles remain my first love when it comes to vinyl and at some point I graduated to LPs – I’ve got hundreds of singles and hundreds of albums and from time to time I sell a few albums because I know more will be coming and I don’t want the house to feel too overcrowded.

The first album I owned was Parallel Lines by Blondie and that still gets a play followed shortly after by ELO’s Discovery.

MW : What are some of your favourite items in your collection?

AF : The albums I played at university : so Rattlesnakes & Easy Pieces by Lloyd Cole; Infidels by Bob Dylan; This Is The Sea & A Pagan Place by The Waterboys; Steve McQueen by Prefab Sprout; Love by Aztec Camera AND The Wishing Chair & In My Tribe by 10,000 Maniacs – must be among my favourites, PLUS the records I bought before I went to college.

I’ve still got the singles I bought when I was a kid – Madness, The Jam, Costello, The Undertones and I’ve even written my name on some of them!

Also, favourites are records that have been given to me by record dealers or by fellow vinyl lovers on Twitter such as this guy (Jim McCormack) in Scotland who sent me his spare copy of Sulk by the Associates when I mentioned I had owned it once and lost it over the years.

MW : ...still seeking?

AF : The chase is sometimes better than the kill if you enjoy buying second-hand records in record shops – I very rarely buy online.

I’m still in the market for a vinyl copy of Dylan’s Oh Mercy and Last Of The True Believers by Nanci Griffith – and a lot more – some are albums I have lost or sold over the years. I’m looking forward to returning to Riverman Records in Oxford when it reopens – that’s my favourite.

http://www.rivermanrecords.co.uk/

MW : You mentioned books at the start of this Q & A, so who are your favourites?

AF : Anything by Ian Rankin, Cara Hunter, Olivia Kiernan, Graham Greene and Haruki Murakami.

MW : What's the allure of buying second-hand books?

AF : As previously said, I love going to Hay-on-Wye and there’s a place in Derbyshire called Scarthin Books which I would happily go back to.

http://www.scarthinbooks.com/

You can lose yourself in these places and always come out with something good. Picking out first editions for 50p or £1 in charity shops and then selling them on can be fun and it’s do-able if you’ve got a good eye but it’s pretty time-consuming.

MW : Have you ever found any interesting inscriptions in your book purchases?

AF : I’ve got a copy of part of Graham Greene’s acclaimed biography by Norman Sherry which is signed by the author’s wife. I got her to sign it when I landed an exclusive interview with her about 20 years ago – I’m keeping that one!

MW : Football is also a passion of yours...

AF : I’ve watched a lot of football games over the years and once had a Newcastle United season ticket for the Gallowgate when I lived up there in the 1990s.

Also, spent a lot of time watching Tranmere Rovers at Prenton Park when I worked on the Wirral. Don’t get to so many games now but love watching Champions League on BT Sport with my sons.

MW : How are you finding the current lockdown / social distancing restrictions due to coronavirus?

AF : As a journalist I can work from home most days. It’s difficult and I would much rather be in the office or doing interviews face-to-face ; putting together a daily paper is a team game, but we are all trying to manage as best we can in the crisis which I hope will be over soon.

One way to alleviate the tension is to continue posting records on Twitter and talking to like-minded vinyl obsessives.

I’ve been doing that for about a year now and it’s such a lovely online community of guys and women out there who have the same interest – it’s very rare that anyone gets snippy on there.

I have tried to start something called “Singles Sunday” which is pretty self-explanatory. It’s led to some amazing singles collections being brought down out of the loft. The thread each week really takes off and I’m seeing picture covers I’ve never seen before.

It’s one day at a time at the moment but playing the records and sharing them on Twitter definitely helps.

There’s also an online radio show by a guy called Simon Philo on Radio Free Matlock I really enjoy called the Sweet Spot which plays power pop – think Back Of My Hand by The Jags.

https://radiofreematlock.co.uk/

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musicallysublime-blog · 5 years

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I’m Alive

So I’ve taken a short break, but I finally feel ready to come back on a somewhat “regular” schedule. For this post, I’m going to be talking about Atmosphere’s latest album titled Mi Vida Local. Atmosphere consists of rapper Slug (Sean Daley) and DJ Ant (Anthony Davis). I previously did a post about them click here to check it out. This album marked their ninth studio album and was released on October 5th, 2018. This post is going to be a little bit different, in that I am also going to mention their live show that I attended in the beautiful city of Ventura California on February 12th, 2019. This post is also different because I go into some detail about my personal life. I usually try to stick to just the music, but sometimes music is so powerful that it can take over and bring forth all the emotions. Considering the start of this year, yeah it was easy for me to connect with nearly every song on this album. Thanks for joining me on this musical journey. I hope you enjoy the read.

Now, this album was released in 2018, but my personal relationship was in a much happier place. So while I did listen to the album when it came out; the meaning to me had not hit me quite yet. As soon as the tour info was released I bought my ticket and had planned to make it a couples trip. Fast forward to the New Year, finding myself newly single and feeling heartbroken. My birthday came and my son surprised me with the vinyl, which I was beyond excited for. I opened it and quickly played it and that's when I realized it was all meant to be. The songs, the whole album really meant so much more to me.

My relationship ended in a way that I wasn't necessarily ready for. I know, how is one ever really ready for a relationship to end right? Sometimes both parties can feel each other out and you kind of know that the relationship has run its course. I was not on that page and to put it plainly I was deeply hurt. I put on this front that everything was fine because that's just the kind of person I am. I held it together until I heard the album again on vinyl.

The day before the show, I still wasn't sure on whether I was going to be making the trip on my own or if I was still going to try to find someone to come along with me. That night as I was playing the album, I came to the conclusion of taking my son with me. Now, a quick little note about my kiddo; he's been to (after this show) eight shows (not counting the ones he attended while I was pregnant with him and the ones before he was one year old). His dad has been the one to take him to all the shows he's been to and so I knew this was going to be extra special considering it would be a first for us as a mother and son.

I'm going to quickly summarize the show and say that it was more than I expected. It had been 13 years since I've seen Atmosphere live and to say, that I needed this show, is a complete understatement. I stood there taking in his words, hearing songs that I've heard when I was a teenager going through a very difficult time in my life. Not only that but looking down and seeing my nine-year-old son getting into the music as well, it was easy to say that I was a wave of emotions. I was able to be completely free and for the first time, in all honesty, I was ready to move forward. I love music, and this is one of the reasons why; being able to share this experience with my son and having him listen to music that I love is something I will never forget.

So now I'm here writing this post while the record is playing and the music is being permanently embedded into my brain. I want to thank my son (and his dad and his girlfriend because I know they were behind getting me the vinyl) in gifting me this album on vinyl. The album's first song is titled none other than 'Jerome' (that happens to be my son's name. I don't believe in coincidences so it was in the cards that I take my son to this show). It's a song that begins with some guitar work and it's a perfect introduction to the album. 'Stopwatch' is the next song and it's probably my second favorite song. This song was played live and it was just as good. It features DJ scratching which I absolutely love; it's done so well and in a way that it doesn't overpower the song but it’s still noticeable. The first side ends with 'Virgo'. The melody is much more mellow compared to 'Stopwatch' but it doesn't take away from how touching the song is. It really allows for Slug's lyrics to speak clearly.

You lookin' for a bag of tricks But my love is like a stack of bricks Cobblestones and untreated lumber I'm a father of fists, strength, in numbers And when they come for my box of dreams I'm a finally depart from this toxic scene

Side two begins with 'Delicate' and once more the song provides some beautiful imagery. The beat on this song is so soothing. The song for me teaches me that letting go is part of living.

And as the seasons go by, more friends say, "Bye" Less luggage makes it easier to fly

This next song spoke volumes to me. 'Drown' which features Cashinova, The Lioness, and Dem Atlas along with the ever-talented Slug join together to provide one of my favorite songs of 2019. Yes, I know the year has just started but I'm confident enough to say that about this song. The whole song is on its own level, but this verse done by The Lioness really hit me hard and it's the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time.

You can't just take, reciprocate, make an exchange I'm lighting sage to cleanse a space Getting that bad energy up off of me Replaced with inner peace Fools call you so expose enemies with false identities You're no friend to me so don't pretend to be

Their different tones work perfectly with the structure of the song. Not only is the song done exceptionally well, but let me elaborate a little bit as to why this song means so much to me.

The last song on this side is 'Anymore' and this is the deepest for me. Once more it's like Slug knew exactly what to say while the words flowed out of my speakers.

I'm not trying to put my energy inside the worst I fight the urge, to submit to your hurtful shit I ain't got the wish to waste on a perfect bitch

I probably listened to this side a minimum of five times. If you take a chance please do yourself a favor and listen to these three songs. I mean the whole album is gold, but at the very least give these three songs a chance.

'Earring' begins side three, which features artist Musab. Following it is 'Trim' which is a little more light-hearted. 'Trim' mentions the sexual life of a couple; in terms of trying to make time for each other while raising their children. The side ends with 'Specificity' which follows 'Trim' perfectly in my opinion.

Lastly, there is side four and it begins with a song called 'Mijo' which translates to son in Spanish. This song is touching as it reflects on parenthood and being a parent myself; yeah it hit close to home.

I don't know how much time we have left But I promise you that when I breathe my last breath I'ma exhale and remember your birth It's never too late to get some heaven on earth

'Randy Mosh' is next and it features collaboration with The Dynospectrum, which is another great song full of some amazing lyrics. The album ends with 'Graffiti'. I love this song and for, me, it ties it all together. It tied my whole relationship perfectly. It's funny really how music heals and allows for closure; at least that's what it did for me. His whole lyrics are a beauty but this particular part is in my top ten.

I'm examining the clouds like I'm looking for a sign I hope you're having a good time If you wasn't afraid would you lie so much You got your tail between your legs chasing fire trucks You can tell I'm not the best at expressing how I felt That's why I hide it inside the words I spell I mix the medication, it fixes whatever ails them And now she treats me like a snake oil salesman, huh Well, thank you for your vote of confidence I don't give a shit about how it figures into all your politics Still believe you gotta make your art, play your part The world waits for you to break my patient heart

After going to the show and listening to the album I realized just how much I needed this. I needed to experience live music, his live music. Not only was it the experience worth it but also the way I came out feeling was beyond healing for me. Music has powers for sure that can take you back to memories that you thought you forgot, it can help you move on from difficult situations, it can provide that outlet that is so desperately needed; in short, it can work wonders. For me, this has to be one of their best albums, top three for me.

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frommountainstolonestars · 7 years

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An Open Letter to A7X

To Avenged Sevenfold:

Before I start this letter, let me just preface it with the fact that I have been having some hand/nerve issues and my writing may become disjointed because of that.

I first found out about y’all four—almost five—years ago. The reason I got into y’all is probably a little different than other fans. I’m an avid reader and one of the books I read said to understand the book better, the reader needed to look up the lyrics to “Dear God” by Avenged Sevenfold and then to listen to it. So, like a good reader, I did. I fell in love with that song and had to hear more from this band. (I thought y’all were country). The second song I heard was “Hail to the King” and the change in pace and tempo made me love the band even more. I bought that album (it had just come out) and started listening to all of your other songs. It took about six months for me to get through all the albums, but when I had, you had all awakened a part of me I didn’t know existed.

From my appreciation of your music, I started looking into other hard rock and heavy metal bands. Obviously, I knew who Metallica was, but I started digging into more of their stuff and even got into Judas Priest and Pantera, bands my parents hated and bands I thought I would never like.

When I got my resident assistant job, I was listening to “MIA” and that song became my lucky one. Unfortunately, some things in my life happened that might have torn down another person. It was y’all and other metal bands that helped me through.

You see, I’m a soon-to-be college graduate who has had a difficult six years, but the last two years of my life have been rougher than I ever expected them to be.

It all started in November 2015 when I got this terrible lower abdominal pain. I thought it was cramps or ovulation pain; the emergency room in Texas couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Flash forward to winter break, and I’ve had this pain for four weeks now. My wonderful mom got me into a surgeon, and I’d never been more nervous. I’d only had my wisdom teeth removed, so an actual surgery terrified me. They took me in and let me listen to a couple of songs (“Gunslinger” and “Strength of the World”) before I went under. It turned out I had two ruptured cysts and appendicitis. I easily could have gotten a terrible infection from either.

Time wears on, and I head back to my university (University of North Texas, go Mean Green!). I’m an athlete, have been for most of my life. I run/ran three times a week. My knee started to dislocate when I ran, but I could just pop it back in place. Eventually, it got to the point where running and even walking hurt too much. I waited until summer and returned home to see what the hell was wrong.

From all my years of soccer and running, and continuing to play soccer after a knee injury five years ago, I had torn the ligament that attaches my femur to my patella—the most rare knee surgery. A week before my knee surgery, my incredibly wonderful mother found out that my alcoholic father had stolen and gambled away $3,000 from their joint account. That same say, my father found out that his mother was dying. He flew out to San Antonio to deal with that situation. Mom started the process for divorce. Literally an hour before my knee surgery, I found out my grandmother had died.

When I woke up, I was in the worst pain of my life. My knee had to be immobile for four weeks before I could start physical therapy. I was up every four hours to take Percocet, which we later found out I’m allergic to. Having my leg (my dominate leg) taken away from me and not being able to do things for myself filled me with anger. A lot of what helped me through was y’all and bands similar to you. Post-knee surgery me was the worst, but your music helped me through.

Fast forward again, and I’m now back at school in my final year (Fall 2016) and my life was looking up. I found a publisher for my books, I would be turning 21 in November, and I’d get to see my favorite band with my best friend at Texas Mutiny.

Texas Mutiny was the most incredible concert of my life. I smuggled my DSLR camera in (don’t tell anyone) and captured some of the best photos of my life. That concert helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my photojournalism degree. And for my 21st birthday, my friends surprised me with a signed vinyl of The Stage and several of your CDs. It cheered me up because my birthday was on Election Day and very few people remembered it… which was understandable.

However, my life can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. Nine days before my birthday, I was rushed to the ER after puking up my guts. The ultrasound technician found five ovarian cysts. Three of them were the size of my uterus, and I needed immediate surgery. Because I’m a college student “immediate” meant my next time off. My Thanksgiving break was recovery and more of your music. My wonderful mom came down to Denton to help me through that surgery.

My 2016 winter break was spent writing and getting my older sister to listen to your songs. She really enjoys the white album and even some songs on The Stage. I also examined that album and just fell in love with basically every song. My cover for my book came in, and I got inspired to write a collection of short stories based on songs. My favorite bands are featured quite a bit… I hope that’s okay.

Now, I’m back at school again and my stomach pain comes back. Two months after surgery and the ovarian cysts were back. But something even worse happened at the end of January 2017. I’m a writer and a photographer who depends on her hands for work and stress relief.

At the end of January, my hands started to malfunction. They can’t fully flex of fist, they’re always cold, they get numb and tingling, my wrists and elbows hurt, and my joints are very stiff. My spring break was spent back in Reno getting tests done. They ruled out anything wrong with my central nervous system—thank god—but the pain still remains. And I was scared. I’m still scared actually. I have psoriatic arthritis and it’s incurable. Really the only things helping me are music, the Deathbat nation, my friends, and my mom. To make matters worse, my father had two heart attacks and two surgeries right before I came home. He only has maybe 2-5 years left. He’s an asshole, but I love him.

I know that was the longest intro ever, and y’all are probably wondering why I’m writing this at all at this point. My name is Carmen, and I’m a photojournalist (almost) and recently published author who just wants to thank you guys for everything you’ve done for me and the other fans. So here’s my long list of thank yous.

To all the guys: thank you for forming Avenged Sevenfold. Without you coming together, I wouldn’t have found a lot of my friends. Your music has gotten me through some of the most difficult situations in my life and your music has inspired my writing and made me a better person (the writing portion). There’s something about your music that just speaks to people and has made my life so much brighter. I can’t wait to see you and Metallica in June!

To Brooks: I know you haven’t been with the band long, but I’m glad you’re with them! I loved your drumming when you were with Tenacious D and Bad Religion. You definitely remind me of the dad friend out of all the guys, and I think it’s awesome to see what you add to the band. Your drumming on The Stage is also INSANE. I love what you did on “Angels.”

To Johnny Christ: I don’t think you’re a gnome for starters. You’re much taller than my short ass. All jokes aside, I love how you are on stage. You exude so much passion and energy; I wish I had gotten more photos at Texas Mutiny. You sing/shouting on “Nightmare” also adds a little depth to the song and never fails to put a smile on my face. Oh! Congrats on your son.

To Zacky V: I’m ambidextrous because I have to be from the hand issues, and I so rarely see left-handed musicians that every time I watch you play, it gives me hope. I’m not musically inclined at all, but knowing a lefty is out there brightens my day. You have such an awesome style and your skill with the guitar is out of this world. I hope we can get more solos from you.

To Synyster: dude, you are one of the best guitarists I’ve heard, excluding Santana. I could pick your style out so easily. The work you’ve done with A7X and Pinkly Smooth just blow me away. I can’t believe someone can have talent and skill like that. You are a guitar god, Mr. Haner.

To Shadows: as a writer, I most easily connect with words. Your lyrics speak to me on a spiritual level (which is probably why I have so many tatted on me). You have a way with words. And your voice is so unique and every time I hear “Dear God,” I remember why this band became my favorite. Just, thank you for doing what you do.

To the women of A7X (Val, Michelle, Lacey, Megan, etc.): thank you guys for being you. I hope you know how much love the Deathbat nation has for you. Without your support, the band probably wouldn’t be where they are (no offense guys).

To the fans: thank you guys! I have met so many amazing people through this band. Y’all have helped me through a lot, and I’ve met some good friends through it. Sevenfold has cultivated a fan base unlike any other, and I’d like to thank every Deathbat for who they are and for being so caring and for taking care of me.

So, I just want to say thank you from a fan who’s been through a lot and has made it through thanks, in part, to your music and the most supportive mother ever. The only thing I have to add is that my dream is to one day meet y’all and thank y’all in person. And this final part is going to sound so fucking cheesy, but I hope y’all sign my Deathbat and that the writer side of me gets to write your extended (not brief) biography.

Thanks again for all you have done.

Sincerely,

Carmen

#Avenged Sevenfold #a7x #a7xfamily #m shadows #synyster gates #johnny christ #zacky vengeance #Brooks Wackerman #a7xfans

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