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bird-inacage · 7 months

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Only Friends: Can Ray be Redeemed? Is Sand the Solution?

I know Ray has upset a lot of people in Episode 8. I do find it really fascinating how quickly the tide has turned on him, especially when you compare his actions to those of our villains of the first arc: Boston and Top. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I still choose to believe that Ray does care. He's hugely misguided but not heartless.

Let me firstly preface that none of what I'm about to say excuses Ray's behaviour but is an attempt to unpack why I still hold hope.

A child lost with no anchor

Ray is emotionally immature (which as cliché as it sounds, is a direct product of his upbringing - or lack thereof). He largely operates on basic needs, as a child would: 'I want. I need'. It's all based on serving the self. He seems wildly incapable of thinking very far beyond that. Like a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. He's pretty helpless on his own in a lot of respects. Most people grow out of this. Through knocks and hardship, we learn the world doesn't revolve around us and how to equip ourselves with healthy and appropriate means to navigate through life. Ray however, still seems to be stuck in his infantile box.

I often joke that Ray is a bit feral, but there is some truth to that. Ray's been left to his own devices for the majority of his life. So it's no surprise he's developed this 'me against the world' attitude which is volatile and defensive, but ultimately keeps him caged in said box.

These traits are abundantly apparent in his relationship with Mew. Ray is the vehicle for Mew's self-destruction, but all he sees is the exhilaration of having a 'partner in crime', someone to be in 'cahoots with'. Like a pair of naughty school kids getting into mischief, rather than an adult partnership. Ray is all about immediate gratification over long term fulfilment because (as children do), they don't possess the wisdom and experience to think ahead. Ray seems unable to grasp repercussions or consequences in his decision making. It's always act first, think second.

To put it simply, Ray hasn't been taught boundaries and how to respect them. He just gets criticised for crossing them which doesn’t help him learn. No one has had the patience to teach him why and how. To guide, to steer, to direct, to mentor. To educate rather than scold. Prevention rather than cure. As a result, everyone around Ray serves to clean up his messes rather than equip him with the ability to not create them in the first place. He falls into patterns of behaviour that no one has seriously attempted to break which has only amplified with adulthood. The longer those habits prevail, the harder they are to change.

Does Ray harbour ill-will or bad intent?

Is Ray the worst? In my opinion, no. (Not yet anyway - I might eat my words later, who knows). I've said this somewhere before but intent makes all the difference when judging someone's actions. Choosing to actively cause harm whilst being fully conscious of the impact versus triggering damage to occur as a symptom of your behaviour is vastly different. This is where Ray and Boston differ. Boston acts without remorse, he purposely and calculatingly makes choices that will cause the maximum degree of suffering. Whereas Ray's a loose cannon. He leaves a trail of destruction where he goes, due to a lack of control and means to channel how he feels in a constructive manner. Boston's victims are targets, whereas Ray's victims are collateral.

I don't think Ray means to purposely hurt or harm the people he cares about. Because in doing so, he'll push them away - which is precisely what he doesn't want. (Though saying that, Ray doesn't seem to give as much of a damn if it's people he isn't invested in, such as Top). Ray's world consists of what Ray needs. It's not that he doesn't care about a single person besides himself, he's just so wrapped up in his own needs to even gauge the bigger picture.

When others do point out to Ray that he's hurt them, he does tend to look guilty and taken aback, as if he's thinking, 'But I didn't know. No one told me. I had no idea my actions would cause you to be upset'. Painful levels of ignorance. But I also see a huge amount of internalised frustration. 'But why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me? How was I to know?'

Ray is capable of showing remorse, of displaying guilt. He's not cold-blooded. Anyone who can demonstrate compassion is capable of redemption. Ray is seen to be genuinely appreciative and grateful when people are good to him. He's fiercely protective over people he cares about. Ray was also willing to jump in when Sand gets a call from his mum being in trouble.

One thing I do have to stress is the difference in Ray's demeanour when he's severely drunk/high versus when he's sober. His addiction tends to amplify his most primal desires, his most 'childlike' traits. The uglier sides of Ray presented in their worst light, set to maximum. The raging tantrums, the absurd and unpredictable demands, an explosive and dangerous impulsiveness. People often refer to addiction as a form of sickness, which is worth noting when the person under scrutiny is effectively not well.

Learning by Example

Now let's talk about the huge importance of Sand in this equation.

Let me be clear - it's not Sand's responsibility to teach Ray how to grow up or behave more like a functioning adult. It's neither his duty to be a stand-in parent or caretaker. The unfortunate truth is that Ray doesn't have anyone in his life who plays that role. Who is the voice of reason. To keep him on the straight and narrow. In order to actually incite change, Ray needs to be receptive to whoever is trying to help him. We've seen he doesn't respond particularly well to the majority of people in his life. He's defensive with his father, his friends, deflective and pandering with Mew. The only person he's seen to show any signs of actually listening to and registering is Sand.

Whilst it's not fair on Sand, he might be the only person who has any real chance of encouraging healthy and positive growth in Ray. Because Sand loves Ray, he genuinely wants to see improvement for Ray's own good. I don't think it's a coincidence that we tend to see Ray's more endearing side when he's with Sand. His childlike qualities take on a sweeter, more harmless, playful tone.

He needs someone with an almost parental level of unconditional love to not give up on him, where others have thrown in the towel. Ray's character is essentially a personified cry for help. His mother was unable to cope. His father seems chronically exasperated and far too busy to actually be present. His friends have always seen him as bothersome and too much of a handful.

I personally don't want to write Ray off as a lost cause. Ironically, Sand may be the saviour he didn't ask for, but the one he really needs. Someone who can save him from himself.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray pakorn #ray x sand #sand x ray #raysan #sanray #khaofirst #firstkhao #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #ray is such a complex character that i could go on and on #khao just does such a great job of adding so many layers to him

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havenoffandoms · 3 years

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72 for Geralt/Jaskier?

I meant to post this a lot earlier... sorry about the wait, nonnie. I hope you like it anyway. I'm not sure how it came out in the end after I agonised over this for the past couple of days, but it was fun going back to my Geraskier roots.

Masterlist

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier

Prompt 72: Character A has a secret. Character B does whatever they can to find out what it is. When they find out, they wish they hadn't.

Warnings: brief angsty episode, mention of Geralt's traumatic childhood

Also, I love that art! Holy Shit!? So of course this had to feature before the fic <3

Travelling with Jaskier had its downfalls.

For one, the bard talks a lot. He never stops, not even in his sleep, and that would drive any man insane if you ask Geralt. He listens to Jaskier waffling about poetry all day, every day, he doesn’t have to endure a lecture on the benefits of iambic pentameters when he’s trying to fall asleep, thank you very much. Jaskier also likes to complain about every little thing that causes him discomfort, which when they’re on the path, ranges from fly bites all the way to sore feet. Travelling with a human also means that they travel considerably slower, unless they’re both riding on top of Roach, but Geralt doesn’t like putting his best girl under that kind of strain very often.

For all of Jaskier’s flaws, Geralt would hate to have to separate from his bard. At least, when Jaskier is close by, Geralt can keep an eye on him and make sure Jaskier doesn’t get himself into any unnecessary trouble. Having Jaskier travel with him gives Geralt peace of mind. He appreciates the singing as well, even if he could stand to tell Jaskier this a bit more often. Geralt deems that his bard’s ego is plenty inflated without Geralt making it worse. Not to mention that life always seems a little bit brighter when Jaskier is around, and the nights are a little less lonely as Geralt gets to pull his bard close and fall asleep to the sound of his beating heart. Knowing that Jaskier is safe is the only thing that lets Geralt sleep peacefully at night.

You’d think that after nearly two decades of knowing his bard, Geralt would have figured out Jaskier’s secret by now. Geralt is, of course, referring to Jaskier’s near supernatural ability to always come up with coin when he and Geralt need it most urgently. Geralt has no idea how the bard does it - his songs are popular, granted, and on a good night Jaskier makes enough to buy a nice room for the night and the better pieces of meat from the kitchen. Still, being a bard doesn’t pay that well, not even if you were as famous as Jaskier. Just last week, Geralt’s horse and most of his belonging were stolen by bandits, leaving Geralt travelling on foot and too poor to afford to buy a new horse. Two days later, Jaskier came trotting up to their camp atop a gorgeous mare, looking mighty pleased with himself but refusing to tell Geralt how he managed to afford to pay for the horse.

“Would you believe me if I told you I stole her, Geralt, my dear?”

“Not in a million years,” Geralt admitted deadpan, pulling an offended squawk from his songbird.

“Just because I’m a bard you don’t think I can steal a horse?”

“I don’t think you could ever steal a horse because you’re as stealthy as the proverbial bull in the porcelain shop.”

It’s not just the horse, though. Geralt’s armour needed replacing and good armour doesn’’t come cheaply. Geralt doesn’t hire the services of just any blacksmith or armourer to craft his weapons and protective gear. He has his regular suppliers, the ones he always goes back to because he knows that their work is reliable and of the highest quality. And even though these people know Geralt by now, even offer him a friends and family discount on occasion, their wares still come at a hefty price. Geralt, as it turns out, didn’t have the coin to replace his armour for a few months. He desperately needed new boots, though. A new pair of breeches wouldn’t hurt either, and his silver sword broke in half whilst fighting a particularly vicious griffin a few weeks back.

Geralt didn’t even mention all of this to Jaskier. That didn’t stop the bard from going ahead and commissioning a brand new suit of armour, new silver and steel swords, as well as a few casual clothes for Geralt to wear on the warmer summer days. All of this must have cost an arm, a leg and a fucking lung, and yet Jaskier acted like he didn’t just break the bank all for Geralt’s benefit. He didn’t even get anything for himself and that realisation had Geralt feeling slightly embarrassed about the gesture.

“You don’t have to buy me all this stuff, Jask.”

“I know that, dearest,” Jaskier assured him, eyes soft and an easy smile playing on his lips, “but I wanted to. Only the best for you, my sweet witcher.”

The mystery of where Jaskier managed to find the coin to pay for all this remains unsolved, despite Geralt’s questioning. Well, if Jaskier won’t outright tell him, then Geralt will just have to investigate the matter by himself.

"Where the fuck did you get your hand on all the coin to pay for all this?" Geralt asks one evening, blunt and straight to the point. There was probably a kinder and gentler way to ask this, but after spending weeks mulling over Jaskier's sudden new-found fortune, Geralt has lost the little patience he possessed in the matter. Jaskier, on the other hand, looks perfectly unperturbed.

"From the bank," he offers simply as he sprinkles expensive herbs over the hare Geralt caught earlier that evening, "you know, where people deposit their valuables? I know you witchers don't believe in bank accounts, savings and interests, but-"

"Where does the coin come from?" Geralt interrupts, hissing those words through clenched teeth.

"Why, my inheritance."

Geralt stares for a long while. It takes his brain several seconds to catch up to what Jaskier is telling him, and another few seconds to make sense of the words. Inheritance?

"What inheritance?"

"Well, when my father passed away he left me and my siblings a share of his wealth. That's how inheritance works. Say, pass me my satchel my dear, I think I have some more spices in there."

Geralt wordlessly hands Jaskier his satchel, still trying to process this new discovery. Come to think of it, Geralt knows precious little about Jaskier's family. Sure, that's probably on him for never asking, but Geralt has grown so used to Jaskier oversharing every aspect of his life that he never needed to ask his bard anything. Jaskier just… never talked about his family. Or his childhood, or his upbringing. His life story seems to always begin when he was a student at Oxenfurt.

Geralt is growing curiouser by the minute.

"When did your father pass?"

"Oh? Uh… good question. Maybe a few years after I went to Oxenfurt? I'm not sure. I received a letter from the bank notifying me that a share of my father's wealth was deposited in my account."

Geralt frowns. "You never went back to find out what happened?"

"No."

Well, that's an oddly abrupt response, and Jaskier doesn't seem like he's got anything to say on the matter. Which only makes Geralt feel more curious about the whole thing.

"Why not?"

"Geralt…" Jaskier heaves a sigh before putting on a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, too tense to be genuine. "My father and I didn't get along. I felt no need to go mourn him with the rest of my noble family in Lettenhove when he passed. That's it. That's all there's to it. I was not a good enough man to refuse my share of the inheritance, either, despite my non-existent relationship with him."

That's a lot to unpack. Geralt always assumed that Jaskier had a good childhood. Then again, he would think that, wouldn't he, considering Geralt spent his own childhood being tortured by magnanimous and sadistic mages. Where most children got to spend time outside helping out in the fields or playing with their friends, Geralt was put through drill after drill, after drill… until he was physically unable to walk so much his muscles hurt.

"Wait… did you say your noble family?"

"Hm?"

"In Lettenhove… there's nothing in Lettenhove. Only the Viscount and his family live there on a large esta-" Geralt's mouth clicks shut as realisation dawns on him. "Your father was the Viscount of Lettenhove?"

"Yes. And since I'm the oldest, after he died that title passed onto me. But I much prefer being a bard, so I graciously devolved my duties to my younger brother, who now manages the estate. Are we done with this conversation?"

"I didn't mean to make you mad…"

Geralt watches Jaskier stop dead in his tracks, his shoulders briefly tensing at those words, before exhaling loudly through his nose. Jaskier anxiously rubs the back of his neck as he straightens up and offers Geralt a sheepish smile, that one warmer and softer than the previous one.

"Sorry, dear heart. I didn't mean to be so short with you. It's just… well, there's a reason I don't bring up my family all that much."

"Hm." Geralt gently taps the spot next to him on his bedroll, and Jaskier doesn't have to be told twice. Soon, Geralt has one arm wound tightly around Jaskier's shoulders. Not quite a hug, but the intention is there all the same, and Jaskier eagerly melts in the embrace. "I shouldn't have insisted. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. You did nothing wrong." Jaskier nuzzles the crook of Geralt's neck sweetly before depositing a featherlight kiss just over his pulse point. "Do you want to ask me anything?"

Geralt ponders over that question far too long before whispering an answer in the air pocket between them.

"Did he hurt you?"

Jaskier hesitates.

"Not physically, no. He didn't approve of my aspirations and choices. He didn't support me. I suppose it hurt a little when he didn't see me away to Oxenfurt at the age of 15, but he never raised a hand on me."

"Hm." Good, Geralt thinks. No child should ever have to suffer at the hand of an adult. Geralt earned plenty a beating at Kaer Morhen, some justified and others not so much. Just because he went through this doesn't mean he condones it.

"At least I get to spend his money on someone I love," Jaskier offers softly, eyes as blue as the deepest ocean glancing up at Geralt through dark lashes, “That, at least, the old man can’t take away from me.”

A happy little rumble bubbles up Geralt's chest, despite the blush gracing his cheeks.

"I never thanked you for the gifts." Geralt blushes a deeper shade of red at the realisation. "Sorry. It's been a long year."

"Well, good thing we're heading North soon then, hm?" Jaskier straightens up so he can cradle Geralt's face in his lute-calloused hands. Their eyes meet then, amber seeking out blue, and Geralt thinks that he must be the luckiest son of a bitch in all the Continent.

"Yes," he agrees in a whisper, tilting his face to place a kiss on the inside of Jaskier's wrist, "good thing, indeed."

Request a prompt

#havenwrites #the witcher #wiedzmin #geralt of rivia #geralt z rivii #the witcher geralt #geralt #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #dandelion #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #geralt/jaskier #jaskier/geralt #dandelion x geralt #geralt/dandelion #request open

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I'm sorry, I might have been unclear. ^^;; I mean that when Bakugo is told for ten years he deserves to be arrogant and ambitious, it'd be hard for him to not be. But he picked All Might as his hero, whose compassion and saving people define him. In many ways I see a neglected kid lashing out from frustration before UA. He wasn't going to change until he was among equals in class, and adults who cared enough to tell/show him more than a simple 'you're the best bc you're strong'.

OH yes yes, sorry for the miscommunication! Yeah, we've definitely seen moments in his past where Bakugo's arrogance was stoked and I think those details are the cornerstone of how sympathetically each individual reads him. Does the reader focus on the actions themselves (bullying, encouraging suicide, recklessly fighting Izuku), or the environment that led to that behavior (doting teachers, his mother, peers who egged him on). It's that line between "Bakugo is just a kid. He needs the chance to grow" and "Bakugo is the perpetrator hurting other kids. His growth should not come at the continued expense of his victim." Which is where I think the structural issues of the story come in. Meaning, both takes are right — Bakugo does horrific things and Bakugo is also a teenager whose behavior is arguably stemming from his upbringing — but it's hard to balance both sides when he's in a story where he's attending school with Izuku, his relationship with Izuku is one of the most important, and he's set from the get-go to be a hero. By making Bakugo such a crucial part of the story in the form of a) being a hero and b) being Izuku's foil, reading #1 — he's a poor kid who just needs endless chances to improve — wins out. In a better story setup, Bakugo would not be training alongside his victim. He would have been expelled from U.A. for all the stunts he pulled. His future as a hero would have been seriously called into question until he learned that bare bones respect. As it stands, the structure of the story ensures that Bakugo (to my knowledge) never faced any actual consequences for his actions, pushing a lot of messages that fans are uncomfortable with: past behavior doesn't matter, any improvement is equal to reaching a standard expected of everyone else, the best thing is to forgive your abuser, talent is prioritized over empathy, etc. Since the apology dropped, I've seen a couple of fans arguing that whether to forgive Bakugo or not is Izuku's decision. It doesn't matter what the fans think because they aren't the ones who suffered. But Izuku isn't a real person. Izuku is a character, controlled by an author who gets to decide how he reacts, knowing that lots of fans want Bakugo's behavior to be acknowledged as serious as it was. I'm currently working under the assumption that Izuku will accept Bakugo's apology because the story has never been interested in actually making Bakugo face consequences for his actions. He was established as a hero from the start, despite his unheroic behavior, which created a contradiction that has hurt the story as a whole.

For me, what it comes down to is the reaction as opposed to the explanation. If I had a kid acting like Bakugo who I know was pushed to that behavior by others and also kid acting like Bakugo for seemingly no reason... they both need to learn the same lesson. Because, as established, that over-encouragement isn't an excuse, just a possible explanation (and I say "possible" because plenty of our other heroes were likewise praised for their talents and didn't turn out like that). What it comes down to is that Bakugo is not the victim here. Was Bakugo neglected? Arguably in some respects, but we know for a fact — seeing from the very start of the series — how much damage Bakugo has done in turn. And yet the story is focused on his pain, his struggle, the tragedy of what supposedly drove a teenager to encourage someone to jump off a roof, rather than the tragedy of a minority kid bullied to the point of someone encouraging suicide. That's the flaw imo. Both kids deserve to work through their problems and have their stories told, but doing that together — putting both at the heart of the manga, as equals in terms of their status as heroes — really doesn't work for me. It's hard to get invested in the supposed tragedy of a kid who was endlessly praised and decided to turn that into despising everyone "lesser" than him when the "lesser" person is right there, having his victimhood largely ignored in favor of unpacking how hard this is for his bully. That's the focus we keep coming back to. It's "poor Bakugo, realizing that Izuku isn't a useless nobody" rather than, "poor Izuku, forced to work alongside the guy who thinks he's a useless nobody." To be totally honest here, I never cared about Bakugo's supposedly sad backstory because it reads as so inconsequential compared to others in the class and compared to what he did to Izuku. Todoroki had his face burned by his father. Uraraka is becoming a hero to try and help her family financially. Izuku is right there... and Bakugo's great struggle, the struggle the story spends so much time on, is "Wow, other people aren't trash I can just walk over and hurt for the fun of it? And I'm learning this at a snail's pace while heading towards the prestigious career of being a hero? And the reason I'm like this is because people praised me too much? What fantastic development on my part!"

I get snarky, but I do honestly believe that Bakugo's story is one worth telling, just not in this context. The story of a kid so talented, and beloved that he developed an ego the size of his school and needs to unlearn that arrogance is a legit story to tell. Trying to tell that story at the expense of his victim, alongside kids his age who went through the same thing and turned out kind, went through far worse and turned out kind, all while having him train to be a hero without ever seriously questioning whether he should be allowed in such a profession is... a mess. It is good for Bakugo to be among equals and learn some humility, but I don't think the first half of the story did nearly enough of that and, even if it had, that struggle is hard for me to take seriously when the others have so much else going on.

Also, did Bakugo latch onto All Might because of his compassion? That always seemed incidental to me. Rather, Bakugo idolized him because he's the best: the most popular, the strongest, the one who always wins. I'd need to re-read flashbacks from the manga to be sure, but I do recall one of the scenes from the anime:

"You see that? I bet he'll dodge and then punch! Think they've won and then ha! Look, he totally stopped him! That's why he's the greatest. No matter how much trouble he's in, he's always the winner!"

Bakugo likes All Might because he's "the winner," not because he's presumably saving people during this news coverage. Izuku is the one who latches onto All Might because of his smile and ability to help. That's their crucial difference between them. Izuku fights for others. Bakugo fights for himself.

Is he slowly unlearning that? Yeah, sort of, but again, it comes down to who continually suffers to teach that lesson, how slow Bakugo learns it, how it compares to the struggles of his peers, and how this is situated in a story revolving around allowing him to be a hero in the first place. Cool character idea, bad context and execution.

#BNHA #My Hero Academia #anti bakugo #mymetas

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consciouskingdom · 5 years

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Surviving R. Kelly....

This was hard to watch. Since the six part series premiered on Lifetime it has created a firestorm and we as a people have got to unpack all of this! To begin: I believe Every. Single.One. Of. These. WOMEN! And we ALL should.......BUT we don’t..... because the painful cries of Black Women fall on deaf ears. The series featured personal accounts from everyone including his security guards, back up dancers, his own brothers and most importantly, the survivors of his abuse. Their vivid and descriptive depictions of what they endured set social media on fire and everyone had an opinion to share. For everyone writing post, sharing memes blaming young black girls or still in support of Robert Kelly in any way - please read the following bullet points and get your life!

· Young Black Girls are not “FAST”, They are prematurely overly-sexualized, manipulated and preyed upon.

We can not attack young black girls for “seducing” older men. I’ve seen the memes shared with captions demeaning teenage girls that had older “boyfriends” picking them up from the high school parking lot...everyone is laughing & sharing their memories of this but ignoring the fact that these same men are aware of their power over a younger woman and exploiting it for benefit. A dominant dynamic is established when someone such as a young girl in poverty/lack thereof to basic necessities encounters a manipulator who will target that and use it to their advantage. Most of these young girls were thinking with a scarcity perspective fueled by desperation, craving more out of life and unfortunately predators were the respondents to their pleas as opposed to someone who could help. These type of men willingly and strategically use their age, money and perceived power to manipulate a younger naive mind. Preying on their need for emotional attention, financial support and validation; young girls are met with psychological brain washing tactics that they are in no way prepared to fight against. As early as I can remember - my body changed as I matured and older adult men were the first to comment and notice it. “Oh girl, you really starting to fill out”.....”You getting some hips and legs on you”...”You grown up now”.....”Come on over here and give me a hug, let me look at you”...comments like these occurred at family events, school and even my church growing up. Young black girls are objectified and violated in plain sight! And unfortunately because of that mindset that translates to our bodies are disposable and serve as an object of pleasure - no one acknowledges the pain endured when our innocence is stolen before we can even fully comprehend the full implications of the actions that are transpiring. Ask any black woman you know, she has a story in her childhood where this or something similar has occurred. The common misconception is that because it happens so often, the young girl is to blame because she is being “fast” or “frisky” and pursuing an older man but we ignore what the older man is doing to persuade and manipulate her to be there in the first place! Stop labeling her a whore, slut, fast or frisky! A young girl could be as "fast" as Sonic the Hedgehog but no child is promiscuous enough to entice an older person into being intimate with him/her if that older person did not have an attraction to children initially. We never question the motives of the predator but question the actions of those being preyed upon. In victim blaming, we blatantly ignore the psychological damage that young girls and women are suffering through daily. Predators are stealing their innocence resulting in damage to their self esteem and their ability to have agency over one's own body and life. That type of damage will literally permeate every aspect of her life until she is able to heal. Many who endure sexual traumas hide their hurt in the nearest bottle or whatever substance will numb the pain as they spend their lives drowning in shame. 60% of young black girls have been sexually violated before the age of 18 and the Black community can not just keep dismissing it as “Oh, She just acting grown.”

· “Consent” received from coercion and manipulation of a naive underage mind makes it null & void!

Many opinions argue that the women involved all participated willingly - I Call Bullshit! Within the black family that type of ideology runs rampant. By definition, consent is to give permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. If someone is granting their permission for a sexual act to occur but it’s prompted by emotional manipulation, promises to aid in career advancement, physical abuse and fear: That’s. Not. Consent! Young black girls in under-served and inner cities are in circumstances in which older men are preying on their naïve nature, immaturity and survival needs. Living in poverty creates a scarcity mindset that forces you to result to desperate measures for basic necessities and financial support. Aside from being under the influence of substances I believe there is nothing stronger than being under the influence of mind manipulation. R. Kelly used vulnerability, power, money and persuasion to ultimately create their dynamic; just as an older family member or someone’s boyfriend will offer money and attention in the midst of their abuse of a young girl. Molestation followed by providing money and/or physical abuse is a form of control, NOT CONSENT! A known pimp & womanizer once said “Any boy can control a girl’s body but a Grown Man can control her mind” To see the parents of Joycelyn Savege and Domonique Gardner crying out for their daughters, popping up on Kelly's residences seeking their children was heartbreaking. They wouldn't speak to their families because that's how deep psychological manipulation is, its classic "Pimp" culture and was heartbreaking to watch. The survivors are not to blame here! (Yes I'm saying it AGAIN just in case you missed it in the last paragraph)

· R Kelly’s personal experience with sexual abuse is a deflection tactic & does not justify him repeating the cycle.

During the series, R Kelly’s brother admitted that he and his brother were both molested as children. My heart mourns for all black children who endure sexual, physical, emotional abuse. We NEED to discuss the sexual abuse Black boys go through as well! Black boys are sexualized as early and often as young girls. Calling a young black boy “sexy” or your “boyfriend” or stating you’ll be waiting for him when he turns 18 is predatory behavior. Unfortunately society encourages it when it’s revealed that a teenage boy has slept with an older woman but it’s still perverted! A real discussion about sexual abuse with black boys and the trauma they endure must occur BUT not at the expense of Black girls. During the series his own brother, Bruce Kelly, stated Kelly's attraction to young girls were a “preference”. Pedophilia isn't a preference, its a choice! Truly examine the amount of time, effort, money and energy put into creating the "pimp" dynamic of power that Kelly enforced; that's intentional, calculated and strategic. Being a victim to sexual trauma and knowing the damage it caused, could lead to a mindset of NOT repeating those same heinous activities....R Kelly didn't make that choice. He is wealthy, he could have pursued counseling/therapy and he didn't. To use his own abuse as an excuse is a defense tactic, his predatory ways cannot be justified because of a traumatic upbringing. This is precisely why I constantly stress the importance of therapy and counseling. The entire Kelly family needs help to not perpetuate this cycle.

· You can not separate the artist from the “art” when the art is a detailed description of his perverse actions and predatory lifestyle.

Seeing the comments online still crowning him as the “King Of R&B” literally sickened me. I personally recall being taught “I Believe I Can Fly” in elementary school, flapping my arms to scream the empowering lyrics. I recall my Mom cleaning our entire house with his songs crooning as we all sang along as I washed the baseboards. R Kelly provided a soundtrack for our lives. As much as we love “Step In the Name of Love” We absolutely must step away from this nigga! We can’t turn a blind eye to his actions because we love his musical genius. His security guards, producers who have worked with him, background vocalist and dancers ALL confirmed he had multiple bedrooms intentionally installed in his musical production studios. Read that again… he had multiple bedrooms *IN* the music studio…meaning he was sexually engaging and abusing young girls in between song takes. One of the survivors revealed that Kelly penned “You Are Not Alone” for Michael Jackson detailing her miscarriage of Kelly’s child while she was 17. Analyzing the lyrics he had Aaliyah sing for her debut single: “Boy be brave, don't be afraid, Cause tonight we're gonna, go all the way. Don't mean to be bold, gotta let you know, I gotta thing for you, and I can't let go my.. Age ain't nothing but a number, throwing down ain't nothing but a thang, This loving I have for you it'll never change”......

I know the music is catchy but don't compartmentalize just to serve what benefits you and undermines the severity of damage these women endured.

There is absolutely no way we can continue to separate the art from the artist when his art depicts the life he manifest and the young girls who are a part of it!

· Everyone surrounding Aaliyah during her time with him had concerns but no one took action!

A stage manager, his body guards, his entourage, his family, producers who created music for her, friends of Liyah who were also background dancers and toured with her all witnessed her relationship with Kelly. Per the docuseries, they all stated they had concerns but no action occurred to protect her. The bodyguard openly admitted he forged documents to aid in their marriage; at the time Aaliyah was only 15 years old. After Aaliyah's mother heard the background dancer Jovante Cunningham openly stated she saw Kelly having sex with Aaliyah she immediately denied it in a statement stating she and her husband were always with Aaliyah as she toured. With all respect to the Haughton family and the legacy of Aaliyah, her family failed her and everyone around her failed her. It seems her mother is afraid to admit the truth of this situation, not every parent can be around their teenagers 24/7 and that's okay. BUT don't shame others for speaking their TRUTH. It dawned on me after watching the details be described that perhaps he likely married Aaliyah so that she could get an abortion without having to get parental consent. If a murder is committed and someone witnesses it - they are an accessory to the crime. I'm demanding a legal reform that applies the same logic to everyone who enabled R Kelly!

After we've watched the episodes and read the countless memes, status post and tweets let us remember: Listen to Black WOMEN! Tears don't flow that easily nor does pain resonate in someone's voice like that without reason. Even if you deny the claims, we have legal documents that show Robert Sylvester Kelly married Aaliyah when she was 15. You can be pro-black and still hold Black men and women accountable for their wrongdoings. A black girl’s life is more important than some hit songs. I commend dream hampton and the superb cinematic efforts she executed in creating this docu-series! It highlights a truth so basic it pains me that I even have to state it: Anything that harms Black Women harms black PEOPLE in our entirety....and R Kelly must be added to that list.

Bye Robert, Get some help!

(Note: If this was triggering for you or you need someone to talk to, please email us at [email protected], confidentiality guaranteed...I love you)

ShopConsciousKingdom.com

#rkelly #survivingrkelly #aaliyahdanahaughton #aaliyah #consciouskingdom #conscious #kingdom #consciousness #blackwomen #black girls matter #respectblackwomen #muterkelly #mute r kelly #surviving r kelly #surviving r kelly review

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auroraborus · 5 years

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Warning: Mention of dysphoria, self harm

Sexuality and gender are confusing. Even after years wearing one label you may find it's not quite right, other times you have to face the fact that you don't conform to the "standard." I've recently realized- Or more accurately; admitted- That I am not cisgender. As I have mentioned before, I've been closeted to all but a few people my whole life. Sexual orientation (or lack thereof) was loud and demanded to be dealt with, but I feel like gender was quieter.

We live in a society where gender isn't questioned. We don't sit around and talk about our genders like we talk about sexual orientation. If the default for sexuality is to assume straight until proven otherwise, this is ten times more true for gender. It's not just that we don't talk about it, we actively avoid questioning it or bringing it up.

I'm reminded in this thread of a trip my family took to Key West in Florida, USA. Key West is famous for its nightlife, music, and most of all; drag queens. Cross-dressing is so prevalent in Key West that it almost becomes more of the norm than the minority at night. My parents took me on a walk down main street and I saw many new and exciting things. Women wore whatever they wanted, some barely anything at all. Men openly wore skirts and dresses, often decked out with heals and make-up even when they weren't in full drag. All through this wonderful experience, however, I remember my mom reminding me over and over "These are just men having a good time. Some are role playing as characters who will sometimes hit on guys, but most of them are actually straight. Even if they wear dresses and big earrings they are still men." In the words of John Mulaney, we don't have time to unpack all of that.

What I'm getting at here was the strict reminders and clear message that even when men did feminine things, they were still men. (If only she had this stance of trans men) At no point should you question their gender or sexuality even if they were making it clear they didn't fall into the heteronormative societal roles. I'm also reminded of a crossplaying panel I attended hosted by an AFAB non-binary cosplayer. They mentioned that even wearing a full beard people would still refer to them with she/her pronouns. People stuck to the role that they thought they belonged in, even with an obvious outward sign that they were nonconforming. Both of these are examples of this unwillingness to open the discussion at all. People are so afraid of stepping outside of the binary structure as they understand it they will willingly misgender a person.

With a society that works to ignore binary-non-conformity I feel like gender exploration becomes taboo. It was much easier to ignore my own discomfort than confront it, especially when I had no idea what else there was. Experimenting with labels and pronouns is really only possible anonymously online until you are pretty sure of your place, and when you are ready to bring it up it's a big deal. The fear of people saying your feelings and experiences are "just a phase" can make it really scary to experiment in case the label or pronouns don't fit.

What the hell is actually wrong with phases, anyway? Sure you are going to grow out of them, but that's natural. You can't teleport from point A to point Z, there are a lot of places to go through in between. I had a phase of being a child, but I became an adolescent and eventually an adult. (by age at least) If I tried to buy alcohol with an underage ID it wouldn't be legal, even though my age is just a phase. See, we need phases to grow. Everything has phases. Until we as a society accept that; experimentation is going to remain terrifying.

So here I am. Living on my own. Out from under the roof that forced me to stay closeted, but rather than feeling free I felt more trapped than ever. It was like loosening the lid on a shaken soda, more space just increased the pressure. It wasn't the first time I had experienced dysphoria, but it certainly was the worst. There was one day where I couldn't manage to put on clothes for hours since my entire wardrobe reeked of binarism. I wanted to cut my hair off, all of it at once. I wanted to cut myself. Suddenly the quiet discomfort that had been growing inside of me for years was very loud and very present. I was forced to use introspection, something I had procrastinated for far too long.

Why, though? Why did I avoid confronting the topic until it became life-threatening? It's not that I am afraid of LGBTQIA+ topics, I already went on the whole journey of realizing I was asexual homo-romantic, which is definitely not one of the garden variety labels. I have many friends who are trans and/or non-binary, as well, so it's not like I was unfamiliar with the subject. I think it really boiled down to two problems, one internal and the other external.

First, I didn't feel like I deserved to have a "special" identity, basically I told myself I was close enough to Cis to deal and therefore didn't need to make my problems other people's problems by talking about them. Dumb, I know, but this type of thought process happens when you struggle with anxiety and self-hatred.

Second, and possibly more importantly; I was afraid to go outside of my gender box. I was scared that other people would call me a snowflake. I rationalized that I would never pass as anything other than my assigned gender, and I reasoned that my family would be confused and disappointed in me if they found out. The same reasons I struggled with my Ace label, but with a new and fabulous seasoning of "my gender identity doesn't actually affect my life that much." The hypothesis obviously being disproven by my own mental health problems.

I thank God that I do have supportive and accepting friends, but my main concern after finally admitting my gender situation to myself was still "am I confident enough in this to tell other people? Could it be a phase?" Sexuality is hard and gender is confusing. The lack of ability to comfortably experiment is what makes self-exploration so frightening.

You would be bored to tears if I detailed the amount of research I had to do just to find reliable information on gender labels. This not mentioning the self-reflection required to determine how long I had felt disenchanted with binarism and what parts of my identity were direct results of my Asexuality. It took a lot of painful time. Painful? Yes. I felt anguished, out of place. You can wear shoes that are the wrong size for a short amount of time but if you wore them all day they would start to hurt badly. Longer than that and they would reach the point where they were unbearable to wear and you were unable to walk. I had reached that point, and I couldn’t wait to slip into a better fit. The more shoes I looked at, though, the more I thought about my aching feet, and the worse I felt.

Alright, alright. I have danced around it for a long time, I'm sure you are dying to know what shoe- I mean gender- I picked. To continue using the dead analogy with the shoes I realized I was better off barefoot. The only labels that felt okay were genderqueer and agender, agender being the more comfortable of the two.

I honestly don't know at this point if that's always how I will identify. Also, the finer details of pronouns and names are difficult. I like my name, it's not my fault it belongs to an arbitrary binary system where certain syllable combinations are code for which genitals I had at birth and are associated with assumptions about my gender, personality, and upbringing. Pronouns are weird, too; at the moment I'm just going with whatever people assume since I have no kinship with any particular set, however, this still feels uncomfortable. Gender is an adventure just like everything else in life, and I haven't reached the story goal just yet.

Sexuality and gender are still confusing, but I think healthy exploration and education can really improve the experience. I don't know right now if my labels are permanent, but that's okay. Everything has phases, even the moon, and everything has ebb and flow, even the ocean. I'm learning to accept myself a little more all the time.

#gender #questioning #questioning my gender #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #agender #asexual agender #aspec #personal #self harm #trigger warning

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ourmamafatima · 3 years

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Ask Mama Fatima: How to deal with neglect by your own mother as an adult?

Assalamu alaikum my dear daughter,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and imaan.

There is a lot to unpack here but I’d like to start off with the following hadith.

'A'isha, the wife of Allah's Apostle (ﷺ), reported Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) as saying: Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective. [Sahih Muslim]

The beloved prophet [saw] explained that rifq (kindness) is the door to every kheir (goodness), and whoever is deprived from kindness is deprived from good.

One of the most constant struggles we endure throughout life is managing people, whether it’s professionally, socially or within our family. If we look at family relationships specifically, these can sometimes be a bit harder because there is a level of justified entitlement. Within families everyone has a duty in how they are supposed to treat the other whether that’s between spouses, siblings, parents or children. And so when you’re the one who is constantly giving and fulfilling that duty, but having your own needs neglected, it can be painful.

The thing is we don’t choose our parents. If that was a decision that we could have made, we would have all chosen the best and most ideal ones. But this dunia is a test, and it may be that Allah is testing us through our parents.

As I am sure you know, Allah enjoined upon all believers to treat their parents with ihsaan. With excellence. And this is not dependent on how your parents treat you. This is an unconditional duty that Allah has given us.

Your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows impatience with them, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully.

[Quran, 17:23]

Even if your parents ask you to do something that goes against Islam, you are not to obey them, however you are still to be kind to them.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge,1 do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

[Quran, 31:15]

One thing you must never forget is Allah is Al Adl. The Most Just. Parents are accountable to Allah for how they treat their children. Absolutely everything will be accounted for on judgement day and whatever pain or wrongdoing you endure, Allah sees it. Our duty is do what pleases Allah and leave the rest to Him.

“Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained.” [Quran, 74:38]

“...that no soul shall bear the burden of another;” [Quran, 53:38]

“And Luqmān said], "O my son, indeed if it [i.e., a wrong] should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle1 and Aware.” [Quran, 31:16]

What comes to my mind is the story of Prophet Ibrahim AS and his relationship with his father who not only punished him, but expelled him and also agreed to have him thrown into the fire for breaking the idols. Despite this the Quran records Ibrahim AS making dua for his fathers forgiveness.

“...except when Abraham said to his father, ‘I will pray for forgiveness for you though I cannot protect you from God’––[they prayed] ‘Lord, we have put our trust in You; we turn to You; You are our final destination.” [Quran, 60:4]

“...forgive my father, for he is one of those who have gone astray-” [26:86]

What this teaches us, is that we have the capacity within us to have a holistic view of who our parents are as individuals, and recognise that they are not perfect. Recognizing that our parents can do wrong does not detract from the status that Allah has given them, nor does it undermine the duty that we have to serve our parents with excellence.

Our parents had an entire upbringing that was different to ours. Some have lived through wars, some have had painful experiences. Some parents were never shown healthy love by their own parents. Some parents carry cultural baggage that is oppressive and not from Islam but they don’t know how to let go. This does not justify them mistreating their children but you can acknowledge this and use that as the starting point for healing and improving your relationship.

Shaytan will try to convince you that this is not your burden to bear and that since your parents decided to have you, they need to step up and make a change. Not you.

Sometimes Shaytan will try to undermine you and say “why should you be the one to make the effort? Surely your parents should be the ones doing this? They’re the ones not fulfilling their roles as parents, at the very least they should meet you halfway? You’re the victim here.”

And do you know what? You probably are the victim. But if you’re reading this, you also probably have more awareness and ability to unlearn damaging narratives, and to change the dynamic between you and your mother.

My dear daughter, please make sure you know your deen and you know yourself. There are parents who do insult their children thinking that it is love. Words can cause irreparable damage and sometimes the deen is manipulated as a form of control. If you know yourself and you know Allah and you know the duty that Allah has given you, then you will be able to withstand the difficult times with your parents. By withstanding I don’t mean that you won’t ever feel upset or hurt, but you will be able to pick yourself up and recognize what has truth in it and what doesn’t.

Remember that both the reward and sin that comes from parents is different to other people. Your parents absolutely cannot be treated like others. You cannot hold them to the same standards as your friends and you cannot treat them like your equivalent. Allah gave them a superior level over you.

Remember, the word ihsaan means to the best of your ability. So you think about how you would treat a friend. The kindness, the thoughtfulness, the patience. You take the best of them and that is what you should give to your parents. Even if they don’t reciprocate it do not lose sight of the fact that Allah sees what you do.

“whoever has done an atom’s-weight of good will see it,” [Quran, 99:7]

“But those who hold fast to the Book and establish prayer - indeed, We will not allow to be lost the reward of the righteous people.]” [Quran, 7:170]

“As for those who believe and do good deeds- We do not let the reward of anyone who does a good deed go to waste-” [18:30]

My dear daughter, I promise you that if you remain consistent in treating your parents with ihsaan, the doors of kheir and baraka will open. This will take time. It may take years, but things will change for the better. This is a promise from Allah. Not from me.

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon, the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” [Quran, 41:34]

That ayah tells you that with any person when you approach them with ihsan then with time your life will change. Allah will for sure give you a way out whether that is through the relationship improving, or a different way out entirely.

Sometimes what really hurts is you see the way other parents treat their children and wonder why you don’t have that. If this is the case for you, the best thing that I can suggest is to find a network that feeds you love and builds your self esteem rather than fuels your resentment towards your parents. Surround yourself with people who remind yourself of all the good things your parents have done for you, and use this to remember that they do love you and want the best for you. Although they have faults, there is a lot more goodness in your parents. Build relationships with people who can be a source of fulfilling love for you. Allah created us as social beings who thrive with the love and support and meaningful relationships with people can be incredibly healing.

And lastly please pray for her. Dua changes qadr and always remember that people can change. Ask Al Rahman, The Most Merciful, to soften your mother’s heart. When Allah’s mercy touches anything it changes it for the better and protects it during hardships. Ensure that your good treatment of your mother is unconditional and trust me, I know that this isn’t easy but remember like the hadith I started off with. Kindness does not touch anything except that it beautifies it.

My lovely daughter, I pray that Allah softens the heart of your mother and puts love and kindness between you both. I pray that He heals your heart from the pain that it has endured and frees it of any resentment. I pray that He elevates you and makes you of the people of the highest Jannah and I pray that He allows you to be the most wonderful mother to your children in sha Allah.

Whatever good you derived from this was from Allah, and if I have made any mistakes, it is from me. If I have misunderstood anything then please reach out me my dearest and I will do my best.

Love ❤️

Duas always,

Mama Fatima

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witty-diagnosis · 5 years

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Captain we got a leak

Well pucker up boys and girls this is gonna be a deep one, if you’re not interested and purely here for the movie reviews don’t worry I have one written out I’ll post soon, now onto a little update. So I moved back from uni, cool, I got most of my tattoo sleeve finished so I couldn’t bend my arm for a few days and am now peeling like a snake, wowzers, and I broke my fucking laptop in transit while my desktop is in storage so while comic con was on I couldn’t fucking post, what a bastard. So while Dota downloads on my sluggish as old yella level wifi I thought I’d post about a topic that is easy enough to talk about anonymously on the internet, well like one person might know me but it’s been like five years so who fucking cares. and that is how I go about handling my emotions and what appears to be the medias perception of it.

Now I am being bombarded with headspace ads telling me I need to take time out my day to stop thinking about everything as I’m laid spread on my bed just in my shorts barely focusing on the next video in my ever expanding playlist of horror movie breakdowns, maybe summing up the effort to grunt as I press the skip ad button. It could be dead meat, foundflix or spookyrice they’re all fair game for headspace. But the ad made me do a bit of research into how types of people try to handle emotions, and when it wasn’t articles telling me how, it was them telling me why, of course upbringing plays a roll. Growing up is when you learn to process your emotions and being in a home unsuitable for that leads to problems, ones I’ve personally experienced, little bit about me, my father is an alcoholic I haven’t seen in years my mother has had lifelong depression and anxiety and childhood problems and my twin sister is autistic, me I’m just cynical. But that had a profound effect on me, I struggle to open up to people to this day and I can’t cry in front of people, like not I won’t I can’t, I kind of shut down and become callous and rational with a dark sense of humour. And that had me wondering why this happens.

Now childhood aside I’m sure many people, possibly many of you have been or are in my situation, so I went big brain mode, frankly because I wanted to feel the touch of a keyboard again and found the obvious media influences. I mean a lifetime of being told to ‘man up’ isn’t going to do me any favours, the most in touch with my feminine side I am is when I hug my girlfriend. But look at media, when does it ever show men crying, deaths and births and losing or winning championships in football or whatever, so you’re either dealing with loss of a loved one or something you’ve worked your entire life for, or the achievement of a lifetime or birth of your offspring. And what do they do when they cry at losing or winning their lifes work, the thing that drives them, that motivates them and why they wake up, the media insults them for it, calls them crybabies and weak and that it’s heartbreaking and all that other shit. So you achieved your dream, you succeded at something people told you you would fail at, and you’re not allowed to be overjoyed? No wonder so many kids are all kinds of fucked nowadays, not even allowed to take pride in their achievements.

Now lets look at women and girls too, it’s only fair. Now socially we have moved on a tiny little bit from females being the percieved emotional anchor of the household, I mean after all my mother seemed to cut the chain to my household at childbirth. But perceptions are still similar to what they were years ago, I mean take the womens world cup recently, it was phenomanal, America winning pissed me off but that’s because I’m english and they took us out. It felt like the big event it should’ve been, and personally I want women’s premier league in fifa as soon as possible. So the main focus of that final, it wasn’t america winning and Netherlands losing, it wasn’t the expansion to 32 teams next world cup, no it was Megan Rapinoe and her response to Trump saying she won’t go to the White House, now I don’t blame her being he is a huge dick and I respect someone for standing up to their values, but the sheer focus on this response, it being emotional, and what it was called by some as ludicrous and insulting to America and such because it wasn’t what was expected. No what was expected was tears everywhere when the American team won, just crying all over, and tears when they got back and tears when they meet president tosspot. There was genuine questions on commentary when it showed Rapinoe and Jill Ellis hugging but not crying, in fact they said “and the tears are flowing... not with these 2 but they will be soon.” assuming that Ellis, who had already won one fucking world cup had any doubt she could do it again, or possibly one of the most successful women’s football players of all time doubting her abilities. So in this occassion it was flipped, they were berated for not getting teary eyed, some newspapers (thanks Sun) calling them egomaniacs and arrogant for having faith in abilities that have won them it 3 times before. So while men can’t cry because they’ll be called weak if women do then that’s fine but when they don’t is the problem, that makes them big headed and arrogant, y’know not incredibly successful and talented.

It doesn’t matter what gender you are, the influence that has on people, especially kids who take everything in is massive, You shouldn’t need to hold back anything when you achieve something, cry, smile do whatever you’re feeling, achieving something is achieving something, it ignores gender and sexuality and all that stuff, it doesn’t care about that stuff, the american women’s team won because they were that good, Liverpool won the champions league because they were that good, Rocky beat Appolo Creed, Million Dollar baby was sad but she won, Nyla rose is making waves for transgender wrestlers in AEW as is Sonny Kiss for homosexuals, I mean he’s fun to as hell to watch. The way emotions are handled are dictated by upbringing and that’s how it’ll always be, and ‘man up’ and ‘big girls don’t cry’ is still out there, it had a huge effect on me personally as I’m sure it did on many other people but thankfully it’s slowly dying down, I’m not saying it’s okay for people to randomly burst out crying in the streets, please be considerate to others and let’s not take it too far, but maybe like headspace, take a few minutes each night, maybe lay down, blast some low-fi chill revision mix and take some time to unpack what’s bothering you, figure out a rational way to work around it, being an emotional person isn’t an excuse for irrational actions that cause yourself and others harm, act like an adult and adress the problems in yourself then resolve them in real life. Because you’ll get nowhere fast if you leave problems you can solve unnatended, it’s like lighting a firework and expecting it to not go off, just because people can be arseholes doesn’t mean you should be, being a good person feels good, it’s emotianally rewarding even if you don’t recieve thanks, just remember there’s being nice then there’s just a litte too far then there’s slow down buddy. And hell adressing that problem can be your first achievment and you should be proud.

Anyway guys I went a little, or a lot off topic there but I hope this helped a bit, it’s nice having the tactile keys of a keyboard back and aleviating some boredom while proving that yes I am fact still alive, anyways I’ll post that review in a couple of days so see you guys soon.

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