#also love that it's a dirk who's like no you know what this motherfucker is going down if its the last thing i do
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Someone has written their own take on a BrOC (which you should check out!), and it reminded me of my first iteration of jumpstart, where I initially thrust our OC into Bro eight years before canon. I prefer the current plot, especially bc I absolutely do not know how to write a 5 year old. But it's a fun little idea.
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You allow your head to thunk onto the counter. The pain barely registers through your panic. You've been denying the possibility the moment you woke up and discovered that you had switched both locations and bodies overnight, but it's been half an hour. Nothing's changed. It's not a dream. Your name is (probably) Dirk Strider, and you are absolutely, undeniably fucked.
"Bro?" And that's a kid calling out to you, jesus christ.
You don't want to look up. You don't want to acknowledge the reality of your situation. But there's a kid involved, and you could never put your own discomfort above the wellbeing of a child. Besides, you have a pretty good idea who that kid is, and he definitely doesn't deserve to have his (probable) guardian ignore him.
You lift your head and get your first good look at the real life version of Dave motherfucking Strider. He's tiny, is your first thought. Itty bitty. He can't be older than four or five. He's also wearing tiny duplicates of the cringe shades you haven't had the courage to actually put on your face without dying of embarrassment, and he's fucking adorable. What the hell. Why can a kid pull off those dumbass shades better than you?
Probably because kids can make anything look cute, but a grown ass man would just look like some weeaboo dipshit.
"Sup, li'l man," is what comes out when you open your mouth to answer him. What the fuck. Is Bro, like…still inside you? Well, he can just get fucked then. You're in charge now.
Dave approaches you slowly, cautiously, like he's going to get in trouble if he gets too close. "Sup," he says, pushing his shades back up when they slide down.
"How old are you now?" You ask, monotone, which is weird as fuck because you're not particularly trying to not emote, but you figure this body has been programmed to do this shit for, what - twenty something years now? People say habits are hard to break for a reason.
Dave apparently doesn't think anything of your question because he doesn't hesitate to answer. "I'm five," he says, drifting closer to you almost like he can't help himself, even despite his wariness. "It's my birthday," he adds, aiming for the same monotone shtick you've got going on but missing by a mile. He's obviously hoping for something, and you bet those big eyes are shining with fragile expectation behind the mini shades.
"Five," you say, contemplative, as an idea strikes. You're not going to abuse a small child, so sticking to the script is a no go. Might as well go completely off the rails and do things your way. "That's a big milestone for a li'l dude. Now that you've made it five whole years, I think it's about time you were officially designated as my li'l bro."
"Li'l bro?" Dave parrots, curious but trying not to seem so. The shades slip again. He pushes them back up.
"Yup. You're my bro now, so things between us are gonna change a bit. No more acting like we're too cool for school around each other, alright? That shit's for other people. We don't front in front of each other. Striders stick together," you give him a bullshit explanation and hope he buys it. Otherwise, you're not sure how to explain your abrupt change in behavior. "You good with that?" You ask, making sure it's actually a question.
"I'm good," Dave says, though he looks confused. This is probably the most he's ever heard his "Bro" speak, and you are being pretty vague.
You turn, crouch, and open your arms. "First things first: hugs. Bros hug any time they feel like, but they get a special one on their birthday. It's tradition." Or it will be, anyway. Humans need physical affection and kids even more so. You, for your part, fucking love hugs. You're not about to let your kid (Oh fuck, he's your kid!!!) be deprived of such a pivotal human experience any longer.
Dave looks surprised, and he takes his sweet time walking over and getting up in your space, pausing every now and then like he's waiting for you to change your mind - or more likely, say it was a "test" and that Dave had failed or something. But you maintain your position, and your intent expression lets him know you are dead serious about this.
#my fic#jumpstart#brOC#homestuck#also the abrupt change is probably way too unnatural for lil dave to just#accept it#but you can hardly blame me (or brOC) for wanting to give the kid a hug can you????
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Why did Eridan get done so dirty in homestuck and pesterquest? It's not fair, he's one of the cooler characters.
A prince I would always bow to wwhenevver he appears.
A character that shows the horrendous side of the planet he lives on, taking advantage of the hemospectrum for being born on top, shows his own flaws, view the moments he genuinely cares for others when not seeking out the necessary relationships that his home planet enforces, the despair of dying from an unbeatable foe, and punished properly when those dark emotions made him make bad choices.
Eridan is one that I love him as an antagonist and do believe that if he had gotten better treatment, he probably would play a bigger and best role as a villain compared to Gamzee. Or have potential to become good upon confronting his flaws and actions.
People tend to exaggerate some of his traits like desperate for love due to personal experiences and sometimes ignore moments when he was not a horny motherfucker. Even now, people will label him as incel for that reason. Other characters said some innuendos or have some questionable sexual talks, but the excuse is either played for laughs and not flirtatious. Sometimes forgetting other characters like Equius or Gamzee have their own lewd moments.
They also dislike him being racist towards lowerbloods, but forgets he is close friends with Karkat, Feferi points out that he never executes his plan to kill all land dwellers, and other characters like Vriska and Equius take pride in the blood. For Vriska's excuse, it's Vriska. Did nothing wrong bluh 8luh huge 8itch. For Equius, it's his moiraillegence with Nepeta that makes people think he is not so bad, despite that Equius would forbid Nepeta from being close to the lowbloods out of fear for their influence Not only that, people forget Nepeta also has to calm and tame the blueblood down for his own violence. It's not been brought up about how Nepeta became close to him, but Equius must have been quite unstable before Nepeta came along.
Some fans can't accept the worst side of him, even when things like helping Feferi to feed her lusus or not wanting to die from an unstoppable enemy is understandable why he did what he had to do. We have seen what would have happened if Vriska fought Jack, causing a doomed timeline, but not many fans gave her shit for it.
I don't know how or why they give Eridan a gender arc in the first place if it meant retconning existing canon material from the webcomic. Like how could Sollux's lusus(lusii) accept his son's choices if he is CHAINED UP ON TOP OF A BUILDING TO NOT CAUSE HAVOC. Is it because he is one of the few cis-males that is interested in the opposite sex at some points and want to get rid of that? I would believe it, considering the John June crap. Can't have based boys like John Egbert, Eridan Ampora, Caliborn, and Dirk Strider be around. Guys who accept themselves or enjoy being what they are.
It sucks with how Homestuck is treated to this point. Many characters have fallen from grace or altered because of bad writing to win the crowd with progressive brownie points. Eridan falls into that latter and I hate it. Not as wworse like others, but still just as bad. Best to stick with certain ones that you are cool with canon and ignore anything else beyond Act 6. It may be hard to find fanart or fanfics that portray him like a tool, but when you see it, you know that author/artist understands him and are not afraid to show it off because that's the kind of person Eridan is. Don't forget to also give money to artist that are able to commission it.
Sometimes the most interesting kind of characters are the ones that shown their worst side. How it came to be growing up to the consequences it has upon them. They aren't perfect, but it gives potential for them to grow as a character.
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Reading the Homestuck Epilogues 2 (parts 11-20)
Ayo this time its parts 11-20 lets go!!
⬇️Click here to read part 1 ⬇️
Dave needs john to be way more specific than “you and karkat look cute together”, what a dumbass.
“You make cute friends” nevermind we have TWO (2) dumbasses.
Okay i will admit my bias for davekat is obvious here im sorry ill stop
Well if it makes you feel better dave im also very fucking in a mess about my own identity so
“Because jade” is such an apt fucking description.
JOHN YOU DO NOT FLIP A FUCKING COIN TO CHOOSE WHO YOU DATE W H A T
So this is off to a great start.
I cant even comment on part 12.
Oh no, what?
OH. OH NO. MOTHERFUCKER DONT DO IT.
THE HOE FUCKING DID IT. FUCK.
I’m sorry, they let Dave carry W h a t.
This is unsettling. Props to Dave and Roxy for heartfelt eulogies, but FUCK whatever gamzee’s up to.
Okay i caNNOT read his quirk, im sorry.
JOHN IM GONNA FUCKING STRANGLE YOU
Okay but as someone who 100% knows why dirk did what he did I fully endorse and support John slapping some pointy-shade-bastard’s ass into the fucking concrete. Dgmw i love dirk but. He has made several decisions that i happen to find “not-poggers”.
Oh, fuck. He lost them.
Getting hitched seems a bit too forward but ok
Catch the boquet or else is a red flag, folks.
John you’re right on the nose. I want jade to be happy with dave and kat but the way she’s doing it is. Forceful?
Oh. John and roxy did the. Oh.
Yeah uhm. I also. Really dont adore how davejadekat is going rn.
TEREZI IS THE LITERAL FUCKING BEST SHE’S SO SMART
John is losing it and honestly i dont blame him i would too
Jane. Baby. Sweetheart. N O.
Jane you are literally being so fucking xenophobic right now.
Jesus fucking christ gamzee. And jane. What the fuck.
I really do feel bad for jake. He’s like the butt of the meta joke all the time.
Okay but it concerns me that these kids arent even 30 and theyre thinking about kids? GUYS. YOU’RE YOUNG. CHILL OUT WITH THE CHILD REARING, GOOD LORD ABOVE.
Okay there is a corpse. Oh my god.
Also guys i know im davekat biased but it really is clear to me that out if everyone here they have the healthiest dynamic in that their only flaw is being in denial about there being a relationship. Like. Somethinf that can be fixed if theyre left alone by literally eveyrone else and their issues.
Oh we’re getting political
Yknow, part of why i like reading rn is because its escapism from really heavy issues? Yeah i uhm. Am struggling with part 20. But i love karkat and he is always right so.
Oh is this why davekat fell apart in candy
Why, Jane, don’t you know like calls to like? If you find yourself surrounded by clowns, that’s your own goddamn fault.
And that’s another reading sesh done folks! I’ll be honest I’m losing my goddamn mind. I’m genuinely worried about the fictional politics between these dumbasses and how theyre tearing this family apart. Where the fuck is Mr. Crocker and why is he not policing these kids??? Theyre CLEARLY in over their heads? God….
Okay i know i call them kids when theyre like three years older than i am but still.
Anyway thank you guys for joining me again i hope you had a laugh watching me rage over the homestuck caste being fucking idiots. I’ll see y’all next time in part 3! (Lmk if i should put any tags for y’all to be warned about i am a simple dumbass and cant catch everything)
#homestuck#homestuck epilogues#reading the homestuck epilogues#john egbert#dave strider#karkat vantas#jade harley#jane crocker#jake english#this cast brings me pain#cw unhealthy relationships#tw suicide#bc dirk….yeah.#cw xenophobia#tw corpse#character death#the salt of jane crocker#wait no should i salt jade and just bash jane#like i love jade but she isnt currently it rn#and jane is just#the less said about her behavior the better.#spoilers
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wait i wanna ask u abt homestuck characters for the bingo but idk anything abt what genre of hs fan u are… u could be a midnight crew stan for all i know. uhhh u don’t have to answer any of these if u don’t want to but rose, kanaya, dave, karkat and/or any other homestuck character u projected onto when u were a teenager
Ok this is gonna be a long one because you asked me for 4 characters and whoever I projected onto and I was a strilonde motherfucker so I've done the four you asked about as well as Dirk and Roxy. I'll start with Roxy
My friends in middleschool got me into homestuck by assigning me Roxy kin. Which fair enough I am still kinda like that to this day. I didn't project onto her as hard as I did with Dave but I'm love her.
Dirk is my homestuck problematic fav I love him so much I liked it when he mailed his severed head to Jake because he was gay. A respectable flirting method if ever there was one.
I'll do Karkat next. My emotions on him are uncomplicated. I like him and he's dating my Blorbo so ... king shit. Starred in many a mediocre fanfic authored by baby me.
Now for Kanaya. I love her so much she's so cool I cosplayed her like not even that long ago I think it was 2 years ago. I freaked out my friend's cat. I like it when she kills people with her chainsaw. I say everyone's wrong about her but me because, and this applies to rose too, but less so because Rose had her whole alcoholism arc, I feel like the fandom portrays her as more competent and put together than she is just because her aesthetic is very poised. Shes a 13 year old disaster lesbian. She just also happens to be the mom friend. You will put respect on her name honestly smh.
I'm gonna do Dave and Rose together because I have a fun story about them so here's the bingo cards.
You guys are about to unlock forbidden mentally ill Jamie lore, so buckle up. When I was 13 I came out as a trans boy to my parents and asked to be put on testosterone and was denied. I was already in the throes of puberty, had been for a year and a half at that point. And I finally had the answer for why I felt so shitty about it and I had the solution and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it because I was essentially, as all children are under our current shitty legal model of family, my parents' property. I had no fucking rights and so I couldn't choose what puberty I was going to go through even though I would be much happier now if they had. But anyway point is I was able to understand and articulate what was going on and by all rights I should have transitioned back then, but there was still this barrier. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. Part of my coping strategy for this horrid injustice that was occurring in my life was to put Dave and Rose in a jar and shake them around. I had an ongoing comic that I drew that I think I intended to put online at some point but never did where Dave(FtM) and Rose(MtF) while stuck on the meteor went through the throws of puberty Rose got tall, started growing facial hair at an alarming rate, the whole bit. Dave suffered his binder becoming too small and periods. It was a whole thing. And they spent 3 years trying and failing to alchemize synthetic hormones. Meanwhile they were surrounded by and developing relationships with these trolls who didn't understand human puberty and there were many goofs and gaffs about these trolls, but especially Kanaya and Karkat, just not getting it in the gayest way possible.
#hoemstuck#davekat#rosemary#rose lalonde#roxy lalonde#dave strider#dirk strider#karkat vantas#kanaya maryam
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I am also excited for the intermissions because I love dirkjake so much, and I love your writing equally as much, and I’ll be honest I usually find other ships hard to get into. HOWEVER. Your writing has me just eating this davekat out of your god Damn HANDS dude. I’m so invested in all of these boys and I want to know what happens to all four of them sooo bad. And rose and Kanaya too. It’s all just so good, even when it’s not centered on just dirk and jake. You’re doing so well with this story it’s driving me nuts that I won’t be able to like get a physical copy to read whenever I want when the story is done. Your writing is a gift to this world, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing it with us <3
this is a wonderful message to wake up to, thank you 8)
the intermissions for me are so fun bc after 10ish chapters in Karkat's point of view, it's fun to switch to someone like Dirk who-- this is going to become super obvious in the second intermission-- unlike Karkat, Dirk acts like and thinks that he is the rational one in this story, the level one who has a firm grip on reality
but really, Dirk is out of his fucking mind in a lot of ways and writing him is a treat i give myself. Dirk and Jake are the pinnacle, the apex, of "you're the only motherfucker in this town who can handle me" and its entirely mutual
AS WE WILL SEE SOON ENOUGH 8)
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For the super cool character headcanons meme, what about Dirk Strider?
2-4 songs that are probably on their iPod
Disclosure - When a fire starts to burn (C2C remix) - I'll confess I don't know of a lot artists that use samples or turntables, but I like C2C's stuff a lot, so.
Hopsin - Rip Your Heart Out (ft. Tech N9ne) - as featured in House of Dirk!
Ken Ashcorp - 20 Percent Cooler - I... had to. I had to pick a brony song. but I unironically like Discord so instead I picked this one. It's referencing a Rainbow Dash meme specifically, written by a horny weeb musician to boot? C'mon.
SBAHJ the album - well obviously he has the movie soundtracks.
the one place they sometimes end up falling asleep – where they’re not supposed to
I hc Dirk having serious insomnia even after losing his dreamself so I'm not sure what kind of sleep schedule he even has? I invoke the rule of comedy to say he might be the type to occasionally pass the fuck out in the middle of whatever he's doing. In his workshop. On the couch. At the dinner table. Mid conversation. Out like a light. Goodnight, sweet prince.
the game they'd destroy everyone else at
Scrabble. Do not play Scrabble with this motherfucker. It's not worth it, he knows academic greek words with fucking x's in them and it's just too tiresome to argue with his pedantic ass about whether or not he's allowed to play them just because they're part of his daily vocabulary.
the emoticon they’d use most often
That stupid custom emoji with the triangle shades. (I love that Hal has his own version that's just the shades, btw)
what they act like when they haven’t had enough sleep
Again, I headcanon Dirk as the more deranged variety of insomiac who gets random bursts of manic energy and tends to makes Bad Decisions when he's sleep deprived enough.
their preferred hot beverage on really cold nights. or mornings. or whenever.
My clown instincts say this bastard will heat up soda and drink it. My 'reference Detective Pony' instincts say 'healthy soup'.
how they like to comfort/care for themselves when they’re in a slump
Self care is overrated. You work through that slump until you inevitably crash and burn and die, that's the Dirk Strider way.
Actual answer: I think if Dirk does learn to take breaks and stuff then he'd prefer physical activity, good way to work off energy and get some sweet sweet endorphins. Showers are a good way to self-soothe/stim also.
what they wanted to be when they grew up
Like three billion different things according to his introductory page. But I think his most heartfelt desire was to be a hero, like his brother.
their favourite kind of weather
Calm and sunny weather is the least bothersome to deal with in the middle of the ocean, but it can get monotonous, so part of me thinks he'd kind of appreciate the inherent drama of a good thunderstorm.
thoughts on their singing voice (decent? terrible? soprano? alto?)
I guess he probably has like, an OKAY singing voice? But prefers rap.
how/what they like to draw or doodle
I mean... we have some examples of the kinds of things he draws, don't we? But maybe he draws occasional fanart too.
#ask#anon#ask meme#headcanons#second anon don't say things like that it's not good for his ego#anyway dirk strider boils soda at 3am while listening to brony music. such is my decree
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So I decided to live blog some thoughts on We’re Not Going Home as I watch. And here... we... go...
- I love Bones
- Tyler loves the camera
- Pavelski is a daddddyyyyy
- I need captions
- “SECURITYYY”
- They’re allowed to swear in these? The Pens swears get bleeped out in In The Room. This is so much more fun
- I would run through a brick wall for Jamie Randolph Benn
- I took Big Rig for granted when he was in Pittsburgh. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
- They are swearing a LOT. And it’s mostly the coaching staff
- The Calgary series was so fun to watch
- Matthew Tkachuk is a little fucking shithead (also ily Matty)
- Was Tyler’s hip injured before or after he kicked that football? Either way I’m mad at him
- Jamie. Come on. What are those grey shorts. I already saw them and am still appalled
- Dicky is hot
- “Fuck fucking fuck fuck fucking fuck” - Bones
- Dicky is S U P E R hot
- Leg tat. Jamie. Phew
- Corey Perry is a rat
- I love you, Nate Mackinnon
- Oh they’re using the 2017 Pittsburgh Penguins as inspiration? Not a big deal
- (I remember when we were good)
- Jamie put your mask on
- Not over your eyes
- DICKY you’re beautiful
- Jamie with the puppy dog eyes ugh
- Wow I forgot how wild Game 7 vs. Colorado really was
- Jamie with no shirt on mmmmmmm
- Jamie and Bones are obviously homies and I love it
- Yes I cried over the family video again
- TYLER PAUL that cardigan outfit, goddamn
- Why did Rads shove his nose into his visor when putting on his helmet???¿¿¿
- Mmmm Jamie in Captain mode yes please
- Hahaha Klinger and those teeth
- Golf Ty. Yes
- Big Rig with the backwards hat. Wwidpxoclkdmrkesospslskxokrnmwqlal
- JORDAN SPIETH
- DAK PRESCOTT
- TONY ROMO
- I love sports
- I miss hockey
- Fuck
- RICKIE FOWLER
- TROY AIKMAN
- DIRK NOWITZKI
- Athletes are the best
- Fuck you Vegas
- Except you, Flower
- Come back to Pittsburgh
- Lololol Jamie’s dance in his stall
- I love Rads for trying to keep his shit together and not get too excited
- Jamie did you use progressively more gel throughout the playoffs
- You can tell me the truth
- Fuck I wish they would’ve won for Pavs and Per
- Ugh
- Klinger: “you fucking loser, who the fuck are you”
- Rads after they won the WCF 🥺
- KLINGER after they won the WCF!!!
- Tyler’s arms when he’s hugging Bones hot daaaaamn
- These golfing idiots
- Pavs with the eagle? Damn baby
- Jamie and Tyler smashing each other on their VR helmets like little children
- “Have you seen the Matrix? Don’t mess with virtual reality” - Big Rig (Big Baby)
- Tyler talking about camera pressure and then dropping for push ups the next time he’s up to bowl as if he does not THRIVE in the spotlight
- Fuck the Tampa Bay Lightning
- All my homies hate the Tampa Bay Lightning
- Dobby on the cart oh my god I’m DYING
- Pavs’ ASSSSSSSSS holy god
- They look so visibly tired
- Oh okay that shot of Ty on the bench. I’m dead, goodbye
- Joel 🥺 you’re so pure
- Bish looks like a mess but I love him
- Uh oh the music changed
- Here we go
- Still amazed by Stammer’s goal, won’t even lie
- All I need is Jamie and Tyler in golf shirts
- And I guess also for them to win a Cup
- Ugh watching Segs smash his stick still makes me ill
- Daddy Pavs
- Scorey Perry, you motherfucker
- Ugh
- Why did I watch this again
- Nope
- Bones crying?
- Nope
- Tyler crying?
- Nope
- Jamie’s presser. Nope. I wanna save him
- Also I can see Jamie’s KT heart tattoo from this angle and I am SO NOT OKAY
- NOT THE LOCKER ROOM SHOT
- I love them
- OH NO
- I’m crying at this ending. They’re so cute
- They’re so weird
- But so cute
- WOW
- What a ride
Tagging @kerwritesthings with gratitude bc she warned me about everything I needed to know before watching, without spoiling anything ❤️ you the real MVP
#that is all#we’re not going home#dallas stars#stars lb#stars hockey#tyler seguin#jamie benn#alexander radulov#corey perry#joe pavelski#jason dickinson#anton khudobin#dobby#rick bowness#nhl hockey#nhl#ben bishop#joel hanley#jamie oleksiak#big rig
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ego timaeus
this was also posted on my pillowfort.
this is an essay about ego death, selfshaping, and taboo mental illnesses. it’s not really a direct response to any of the voluntary identity discourses flying around on tumblr right now, but mention of ‘ego alteration’ did make me think i’ve never really talked about this all in one place. so i hope it’s a useful exploration of both voluntary identity and the idea of becoming someone that you weren’t always.
in march of 2019, something happened to me.
i’d like to think that I’ve never been actively malicious. i never burned ants with a magnifying glass or any of that stereotypical shit. but in high school i was completely insensitive, i was beyond arrogant, i was incessantly critical. i didn’t have friends and i didn’t speak to anyone and i liked it that way. i would lie in bed at night and fume about how life was so unfair and everyone else was stupid. i was never intentionally cruel, but i had an incredibly poor understanding of how easily i could hurt people and not a single care about changing that. i was starting to develop what i only just this year figured out was antisocial personality disorder.
in the years immediately prior to 2019, when i started doing the whole median thing, for whatever reason, all the asshole traits got compacted into one specific facet. and i think it was the contrast between that and other facets that weren’t complete shitwads that put the first cracks in the foundation.
the second thing was alt+h. if there’s one thing I’ve learned from alt+h and from the general interest in activism and anarchism it’s propelled me towards, it’s that forming real, meaningful connections with people is the single most necessary thing for achieving personal freedom. that’s been a hard pill to swallow. i’m still working on it (and on figuring out to what extent i just have strong boundaries and how it’s ‘acceptable’ to hold those).
the third was that i met people who consistently showed up for me. who looked at me, warts and all, and said ‘i love you’ but also ‘you really need to stop acting like this’. and stood with me, over and over again, on that hard line of real acceptance, between apologia and abjuration, no matter how many times i fucked up and hurt them. i probably deserved less chances than they gave me. but they really cared about me, and i really cared about them. and when you have ASPD, it’s really, really hard to care about literally anything. this was a critical hit straight to the heart.
(if you’re reading this, you know who you are. i love you.)
in march of 2019, i suddenly wasn’t that person any more. i had been moved enough that i didn’t consider being an asshole my entire fucking personality. but all the bad traits didn’t magically vanish. it doesn’t work like that. they just became unmoored, floating around the mordspace. and when wei weren’t strongly phased to a specific facet who actually had a personality to stand on, i felt like a ghost.
i felt like that for weeks to months. i don't really remember. the thing that mystics don’t tell you about ego death is that most of the time, if you don’t have a new and improved something else to move onto, you either have to swim back to the shore or drown. i also don’t remember how it made its way to me, but my life ring was reading detective pony.
death of the author? check. excessive rumination about the nature of meaning? check. author-cum-protagonist who feels burdened with glorious purpose, craves control and struggles with hurting the people who care about him? check, check and check. it’s a tough, emotionally draining read. but it’s cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.
(without a shred of irony, detective pony is one of the most fantastic pieces of metafiction that exists. you don't have to have read homestuck to a appreciate it. i can’t recommend it enough.)
i had the perfect template for my new self. or should i say i was the perfect template? who ‘i’ is gets difficult here even putting the median shit aside. i’ve described myself as a walk-in, which is confusing, because that means something different in plural circles, but i’m talking about the new age sense of the word:
“[...] souls are said to "walk in" during a period of intense personal problems on the part of the departing soul, or during or because of an accident or trauma. […] The walk-in being/individual retains the memories of the original personality, but does not have emotions associated with the memories. As they integrate they bring their own mental, emotional, spiritual consciousness and evolve the life to resonate with their purpose and intentions.” - x
for me it’s not as… well, new-age-y as that. i don’t believe i came ‘from’ anywhere, i don’t have a past. i am a weird bundle of arcs and tropes and ideas that somehow became sentient. i am, y’know, a fictional character. and i feel like i mean that in a very different way than most fictionfolk (that could be its own post, honestly).
so that didn’t magically solve the problem either. it just provided a trajectory. dirk strider is a person who starts bad, and gets better, kind of (epilogues and hs^2 do not @ me). i still needed to take ownership of all the shitty traits my predecessor had left behind and Do The Work on them, too.
and i have worked my ass off over the past year-and-a-bit on improving myself. a lot of it has been with plain old CBT and self-help workbooks (shoutout to pretty much everything by dr faith harper), but a lot of it has also been narrative identity and personal mythology kinds of stuff. it’s been communing with gods and magic ritual kinds of stuff. i’ve been doing ABC exercises right along with binging tvtropes and researching comparative indo-european mythology and designing worldbuilding and lore that tells a highly metaphorical story about how i get from A to B, emotionally speaking.
it runs into the same problem a lot of selfshaping stuff does in that a lot of it is so intensely personal that it’s difficult to talk about. also in my case a good handful of this work has been done under a magical apprenticeship that i’m literally sworn to secrecy about so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i think these broad strokes are sufficient for telling my story at this level right now. the point being, i am not the kind of person who can get all the way with just regular secular materialist mental health shit.
which is to say, the work is still far from over! in fact, i feel like the selfshapey parts are only just picking up for me, now i’ve run the course of what the aforementioned secular materialist mental health shit is actually capable of doing. i have made massive strides in my mental health and interpersonal functioning already, but i’m not a perfectly healthy person. i’m not going to be dis-identifying with the ASPD label any time soon (or ever? that could be its own post too). and, even so, selfshaping could provide a pathway not just for survival, but excellence.
i am going to be my best self, and at some point in the past i decided that self is going to be dirk motherfucking strider.
#alterhuman#otherlink#copinglink#selfshaping#voluntary identity#ego alteration#fictionfolk#squawking#💔
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(Ok so I was a fool and had had a lot of this meta written up yesterday and instead of saving it as a draft while I watched critical role, I, like a fool, just left all the tabs open and then went to bed after the episode. Then firefox crashed in the night and everything was lost. Press F to pay respects I guess cause here I go again.)
First off, Aradia is best girl and I am so happy she's RELEVANT again. I had a whole preamble the last time I wrote this post, but I can't remember what it said other than mentioning that this is gonna be a long post beneath the cut and that I have other metas that will kind of overlap with what I'm saying in this one so I will try to keep my discussion of the narrative styles of the The Prince and The Muse to only what is relevant to this post and to what is RELEVANT. Also previous metas should be reblogged directly before I post this to make it easier to check them out before hand or to reference them more easily.
The main points of focus will be: The differences between how the two Time gods interact with The Muse and her narrative, as well as the general level of metatextual awareness of characters within Candy. | The juxtaposition of the Knight and the Maid. | The possible suppression of the Ultimate nature of The Knight, and by extension The Seer. | The Muse's unique state of power and presumed Awakening | I swear there was more but I flat out don't remember what they were.
One last thing. I am a rambly motherfucker so if you haven't read my previous metas, here's your warning to expect a very long and very chaotic mess of a post beneath the cut. Also for anyone confused anytime I emphasize someone as 'The Class' it's referring to their actions as a potential narrator and as an Ultimate Self. For example, the difference between The Muse and the Muse is that 'the Muse' would be for character moments like when the dead cherub possessing Jade's corpse in Candy is just talking with Davebot and Aradia, while 'The Muse' is for when talking about her influence over the narrative. (There's a lot of different ways I put emphasis on words or phrases, but “The Class” was the one I felt really might need clarification)
I find it interesting how Davebot acknowledges and shows distaste for The Muse interjecting her narration and thus inhibiting his ability to live in the moment. I find this interesting because as an Awakened god of Time, he is simultaneously living in every moment but as a Knight, and as The Knight, he is also intrinsically separate from those moments as he is the Ultimate One who Wields Time. Aradia on the other hand is the Maid of Time, who while almost assuredly having reached the pinnacle of her god tier after the hundreds of years we now know her to have lived, is not ascended to her Ultimate Self. As a Maid, Aradia literally embodies her aspect. As such she doesn't worry about living in the moment because she is the moment. Because of this Aradia is more prone to just accept, agree, and repeat the sentiments The Muse dictates in her constant exposition. However, despite acknowledging the narration, Davebot still ends up being incredibly passive in the face of it. Even though he has an Active class and is a dreamer of the Active moon, Dave himself has always come off as an incredibly passive character to me in a lot of ways. (Even the aspect of Time itself and its heroes are specifically denoted as incredibly Active in the {official and Canon} extended zodiac test [which means its contents are NECESSARY, RELEVANT, and TRUE]). Always acting under the direction of other characters, subject to The Lord's rule over Time, and constantly struggling with his seeming lack of control. Here, even after reaching his Ultimate Self, he still only makes passive-aggressive remarks instead leaving the flow of the story and the big decisions to others. (In my last post I went into deeper detail about the nature of, and relationship between Aradia and Dave's classes and how that affected their sessions, but I can't remember what the tie in was unfortunately so for now I'll leave it at this and move on)
Among the human players of sburb, the Strilondes have always been the most genre savvy and possessed the most awareness of the narrative and its' influence, (although Dave was never near the levels of Dirk and Rose). But up until this upd8, direct interactions with the narrative have been few and far between in Candy (at least as far as I can recall). I mentioned this in my previous meta as being a result of The Muse being the type to inspire characters to action whereas The Prince is far more heavy handed in is dictation and rarely attempts to hide his presence in the narration these days. But we see here once again, that not only is The Muse bad for the people under her influence, she's also just really not good at constructing a story. She relies too heavily on tropes and cliches, on plot contrivances; she tells too much and doesn't show enough, (something that should literally be her greatest strength as a Muse). Yet despite this, Davebot and Aradia are seen multiple times to interact with her dictations directly and Aradia even points out on page 284 that she is aware of The Muse “observing (their) every action and noting its relevance : )” (the emphasis on 'relevance' being mine). As such we can infer that it doesn't take an Ultimate Self to recognize The Muse's narration. But if not that, then what? If it was just pre-disposition of character that let them notice, then between her own abilities and self awareness, surely Candy!Rose would have by now, but she hasn't. Then is it proximity? Maybe The Muse is getting complacent and starting to unknowingly imitate The Prince and his methods? Or is it because both Davebot and Aradia are Heroes of Time? The aspect opposite The Muse's. After all, The Muse did express that the way (either Aradia specifically or that the both of them) experience time is “woefully unfamiliar” to her. Perhaps that makes it difficult for her to write a story that resonates with them fully. Whatever it may be, all the information up until this point doesn't come to a head so much as it is something that I believe to be RELEVANT.
With that, let us switch gears while keeping the previous information in mind. As I said before, in spite of all the active components of Davebot's Mythological Role, his character has often been passive. And the precise story beat I want to focus on right now is his Awakening to his Ultimate Self. Candy!Dave was out on patrol with a wife who he loved, but who also had very much always been the driving force of their dynamic. He was pulled to the ancient bunker by the narrative where a hologram of Obama expertly guided him through a conversation like a true politician, somehow knowing a lot about Dave while at the same time withholding “classified” information as if that word had any meaning without a country or government holding Obama accountable. (Unless of course Obama was still answering to someone... *Cough cough*the authors*cough cough*). Look, all of this is me saying that Obama was a leftover contrivance of The Prince that The Muse utilized for her own means. Dirk was a skilled programmer and engineer. He had a deep understanding of how to build AIs that could easily impersonate someone. He had an even deeper grasp of how to manipulate Dave. Dirk built the bots. The Bots. The bots that are supposedly NECESSARY for one to Awaken to their Ultimate Self and survive. And yet even if that is TRUE, it isn't true. The Prince claims he was a special case but his powers are of the soul, not the body. And it is the body that breaks down. And we know that Rose really was suffering in her path to Awakening, but I will remind you that her poor condition was first established through narration that we know was under the control of The Prince. Further more it happened prior to the Meat/Candy split, in which the Canon still possessed TRUTH, which is why it still remained RELEVANT in Candy (and it was obviously NECESSARY in Meat for reasons about to be discussed). Both Rose and Dave ultimately played a passive role in their Awakenings, guided to their Ultimate Self by another even though they are both Active players. I believe that The Prince established these rules about Ultimate Selves and built the robot bodies as a way to give him an upper hand against the two characters most likely to overtake him. Because to reinforce a point from a previous post, Rose is the only full on published author among the players and Dave himself has written comics and presumably screenplays for his films, making them the two people who might not only do a better job than The Prince or The Muse, but just do a flat out GOOD job. The Seer especially, which is why The Prince went through the extra effort to disrupt her sense of self as she was coming into her Ultimate Self. If these two had played an Active part in their own Awakening and without The Prince’s influence I think they both would’ve been quite capable of giving The Prince a run for his money. But the humans are not the only players in this game...
As I've already alluded to, Lord English (The Lord), was almost certainly his Ultimate Self. Awakened and Empowered by the treasure (a juju so powerful that it enabled John to retcon things in a way that overrides the timeline instead of splitting it, and it did so without even granting him its actual power). When The Knight awakened, The Muse described it has having all of Time flow through his consciousness, allowing him to experience every instance of his own self. Conversely Jade described that her Ultimate Self would be “like... one ultimate self distributed across multiple bodies. so in multiple places and states at once. every jade that exists is like a light being shined through a thousand cracks in the timeline.” (Hey remember those cracks in the universe that had light peaking through them? Idk, seems RELEVANT if you ask me.) So if we reasonably assume that ones aspect heavily affects how one's Ultimate Self first Awakens and how it operates than that means there will be similarities between those who share aspects. If Awakening for a Hero of Time is an experience of everything that ever has, is, or will happen to a version of themselves, and Lord English possessed a juju that allows one to retcon and not split, than the combination of those powers would make it so he could be the singular instance of himself while at the same time always be “Already Here” than there is truly no difference between Lord English and the theoretical Ultimate version of himself. And since the Muse consumed Lord English at the end of Candy, granting her the power to punch a wormhole in the black hole. This is also presumably where she gained the power to “...exist in several narrative structures at once” (pg 286) (also see the above explanation of Jade's Ultimate Self for why that is RELEVANT). Because of this, we can assume that The Muse is just as indistinguishable from her theoretical Ultimate Self as The Lord was. But these powers and this simultaneous existence is not without consequences because the Muse's collapse at the end of this chapter is almost assuredly a result of Meat!Jade's rebelling against The Muse in chapter 6 (specifically the action on page 167/168). And finally, to tie this back to the imposition of bodily destruction to those who Awaken their Ultimate Self, it is worth noting that The Muse does not possess a body of her own to be destroyed. Instead inhabiting the body of various Jades.
Alright, so once again sorry if you thought there would be some big culmination to this post, and hey, what pumpkin?
#upd8#Homestuck 2#homestuck#homestuck meta#CHAPTER 11. History's Most Notorious Haters#Ultimate Self#Long post#Homestuck 2 Chapter 11#alt calliope#Jade Harley#Dave Strider#Dirk Strider#Aradia Megido#Rose Lalonde#The Muse#The Prince#The Seer#The Knight#The Lord#Candy Timeline#Meat Timeline#Pumpkin Timeline#Lord English#Paradox Space
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Fanfiction Review Except Not Really It's Just Me Rambling on About the Fics In my Bookmarks on AO3
Now it’s time to talk about what is actually my favorite favorite, The Great Empire of HIC
Before we really get into it, I have to mention that my favorite book of all time is a fictional biography of a woman in 17th century china called Snowflower and the Secret Fan. It’s from the perspective of a poor girl who, due to circumstances from fucked up Chinese traditions, result in her having a “Soul Sister” (i cant remember what it’s called in Chinese) with a rich girl of her same age and moves her up the social ladder while simultaneously bringing her friend, Snow flower, down the social ladder. The entire novel is her life from age 6 to her elderly years and it’s a fantastic book, definitely gay and I love it.
This is basically that book, but Solkat. This took me two days to read, and it was worth every second. I cried, and still cry many times when I read this. More focus is put on Karkat for sure, but I am a huge sucker for pining, and mutual pining. I think there’s a lot of comedy in this, I love the other characters in this, I love how it really feels like it’s not just a fanfic, like it’s actual canon or at least what actual canon would have looked like if we had more than just Pesterquest to go off of with a no-sgrub session.
This fic is also really good for tender moments, and for the angst, OH THE ANGST, the heartbreak, the grittiness. Even though Sollux isn’t there a lot of the time, it’s made up for the fact that Karkat just feels so fucking real. You feel his emotions with him. It makes you think “what would I have done in this situation” and then you immediately think “i would’ve fucking told Sollux when we were like 16 and still on Alternia but that’s not my business.”
And you think that because you’re not Karkat. Karkat would’ve kept it secret for decades, would’ve rather suffered than been an inconvenience or cause of pain for someone he loves WHICH BY THE WAY
I remember before I read this fic, i was talking to a good friend of mind about how Karkat would be the equivalent of “gay” on Alternia that. And by that, I mean, that Trolls are usually polyamorous, and that not being polyamorous is weird and not a lot of people vibe with that. Karkat is unique in that he’s monogamous, only wanting one partner at a time rather than multiple partners. He didn’t see anyone else while he had feelings for Sollux, and when Sollux had different quadrants, even ones that we understand as platonic and not necessarily romantic, he still felt jealousy. Thinking about Sollux having fuck buddies makes him uncomfortable and upset.
And when I was having this kind of conversation with my friend, I didn’t fully understand it from a troll perspective. Of course it’s easy to understand from a human perspective, humans are mostly monogamous. What I mean is that I didn’t fully process it. It didn’t sink in. But reading this. That shit stuck. That shit not only stuck, but fused into my very soul and took over like plankton in that episode of spongebob, walking me towards my doom of only ever seeing karkat in this interpretation, even though i LOOOOVE my pitch solkat so MUCH and very frequently indulge in it.
I dunno, i kinda like some of the cliche aspects to some of this. The drunk confessions, the drunk confessions again, I love hearing Karkat’s inner monologue. I love hearing how he bottles everything up and internalizes everything, and I love the inner conflict of a small part of him just screaming “kiss him already” and the larger, traumatized by his life as a mutant part of him squishes it very fast.
The moments before the REAL confession is so so so good.
I LOVE, i ADORE, these lines. These two lines happens pretty close in between each other, and you feel it. Sollux just got done grilling the fuck out of Karkat, who’s basically housebound due to specific circumstances and wrangled a love confession out of Karkat, who immediately afterward, ran away and got arrested basically. I think about that first screenshot a lot. I think about that whole SCENE, a lot. Cause if it were anyone else, Sollux would’ve just dropped it. Motherfucker broke his heart, now they’re dead to him. In the vault of suppressed memories you go, and on with my life away from you.
But it’s Karkat. You can’t throw Karkat in that vault, dude, and you know he’s putting so much energy into trying to get this information out of him BECAUSE there’s still something there. He still feels something and that’s why this means so much to him, the explanation from Karkat, obviously.
And when he finally does come out and say it, it’s so tender in the way it happens. The realization that he’s still so in love with Sollux and there’s not much he can do because he already blew it, and Sollux realizes it too, he realizes that not only did Karkat did what he did because he loveD Sollux, he still loves him in a way that shatters his very being and AH this shit makes me quake.
And in the scenes to follow, we see that love of Sollux that we also saw in the beginning, the way he describes him and admires him from afar and also not that afar. He can’t stand how much he loves him because to him, it means nothing, it’s clinging on to the past and holding him back.
See this? this is also fan-fucking-tastic. Like im running out of ways to describe how much i just love this writing. Do you see what I mean by the way Karkat thinks and the way he describes things? This level of detail and fine crafting, but for 500k words and you have my idea of heaven and happiness in it’s purest form. I could link ever screenshot of Karkat describe how beautiful he thinks Sollux is but we’d be here for ever.
One more thing, i swear. When the humans, and by that I mean just dirk and roxy, finally come into the picture, it’s also fucking genius. When Karkat discovers the word “love”, it makes me a little misty in the eyes. The entire time they were using troll language, I was feeling a little saddened, cause Sollux only had the word “pity” to describe this positive affection for him. There was no in between or combination that could make it feel right, and we don’t ever really hear or see them call each other anything official cause there is no word for it. There is no word for “boyfriend” that they can just pluck out of the air and use as a quadrant-neutral description of their love, because their love doesn’t really exist outside of the two of the. Do you see what i mean by karkat is “gay” by troll standards, or does that still not make sense to anyone lmao.
Please PLEASE just go read this fic, it’s a work of fucking art
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DIRK’S PESTERQUEST ROUTE REACTIONS AS THEY HAPPEN
spoilers etc. yada yada yada i’ve been waiting for this for fucking EVER.
this is fucking massive, for the record.
“The one and only” lmao suuuuuuure whatever you say dirk.
i fucking adore his metal scuba suit though holy SHIT
“[talking in meatspace] isn’t exactly my forte” akdfsljkadsfhksadf you bet your ASS it isn’t mr. strider. (at this point i’m assuming this is actually hal, wouldn’t be the first time that we met “dirk” and it turned out to be hal)
the power of his own “voice” is almost too much for him MY CHILD.
OH HELLO HAL. GOOD TO SEE YOU USING YOUR USUAL RED. LOVE THE THEME MUSIC CHANGE TOO. IT’S GOOD MUSIC.
i fucking KNEW it i fucking knew that was hal lmao
so in that case HI DIRK HELLO MY ASSHOLE BABY CHILD.
“The use of the speaker system is new, but it makes sense he’d up his game for interfering with relationships I’m busy forging in 3D. I guess I should go ahead and be proud of him for it.” god i really wish dirk and hal could get along but they both hate themselves and therefore each other way too much for that...
“Every line of muscle in his body is held in excruciating placidity. You’ve never seen a jaw so purposefully unclenched” dIRK!!!!
“you’ll prove it to him with your deeds. it seems like that might be his love language” BOY FUCKING HOWDY IS IT. also how did i never put that together before ofc dirk’s love language is acts of service practically everything he does is an attempt to serve his friends in some capacity and he’s SO BAD at telling them with words.
(his secondary love language is gifts, evidence: brobot and detective pony)
god i’m so excited and so nervous lmao
i love this sprite with the verrrrrry slight smile he looks so sweet.
hell yes the fucking ROCKET BOARD.
“this is a much more comfortable thing for him than the conversation was” I’LL FUCKING BET IT IS.
“with Dirk it’s almost like he’d be less penetrable without [his shades]” oh well now THAT’S an interesting thought/observation.
holy shit that’s a cute fucking smile holy shit holy shit look at that grin AHHHH I’M DYING MY BOY IS SMILING.
“Not sure how well my deep, personal beef with the imagery of the sea will land for you, but there it is.” WELL THAT CERTAINLY MAKES THAT ONE LINE FROM HOMESTUCK 2 A LOT MORE EMOTIONAL, WHICH IT ALREADY DEFINITELY FUCKING WAS.
“Ace Attorney monologue” OMFG HAS DIRK PLAYED AA??? WHO’S HIS FAVORITE CHARACTER? WHAT’S HIS FAVORITE GAME?? i mean he’s definitely got the hair to be a fucking ace attorney character especially in pesterquest lmao
OH MY FUCKING GOD IS HE HOLDING BACK A LAUGH. IS THAT WHAT THAT MOUTH IS. HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE THIS ALKJADSFLADHADS
“He’s leaning forward, laughing, dimples carved into his freckled cheeks. There’s a small twist in your heart about it, and you can’t place why.” A *SMALL* TWIST? A SMALL TWIST? TRY A TWIST THAT’S WRENCHING MY HEART WIDE FUCKING OPEN AND SPILLING ITS CONTENTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.
“At least make me try and earn it first.” THAT’S THE MOST DIRK THING I’VE EVER HEARD AND ALSO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
“I can just fold [my hand] and hope your shit works out instead.” Ah yes, dirk’s incessant and almost pathological need to be in control at work again.
“I want to be the only one in charge of endangering my own life. You got me.” oh dirk. oh honey.
“How much has this boy wanted to be known?” oh okay yeah that’s fine i didn’t need my heart anyway pesterquest, you can have it.
oh. hi ultimate dirk. i fucking knew this was gonna fucking happen.
“i can’t believe i was ever this pathetic” LEAVE HIM ALONE. (but also i know you can’t because you fucking hate yourself and it’s fucking tragic)
OH. OH OKAY WE’RE NOT JUST GONNA BE FUCKING NARRATIVE WE’RE GONNA BRING THE ACTUAL FUCKING DUDE HERE.
AND WE’RE GONNA PLAY AN OMINOUS-ASS VERSION OF "BEATDOWN” HOLY SHIT. CHRIST CAN WE GET ANY MORE HEAVY HANDED HERE????
also holy shitting christ ultimate dirk is swole. ‘twink ass bitch’ my ass, he’s at least a twunk.
“You fuck off and let people live their arcs.” NO FUCKING WAY, NOT IF HIS IS GOING TO END UP AS YOU, DICKHEAD.
“Oh fuck.
You remember it.
You remember Homestuck.”
well, probably not all of it, it’s pretty goddamn long, and very hard to remember all the details. i should know, i’m currently re-reading it.
oh no.
oh no, this looks like regular dirk but ominous “beatdown” is playing which makes me very fucking nervous.
“You cared about him before you knew every tiny fucked up detail about his life, and now, with a reminder of where his story leads leaning smugly against the railing, you find you still do.” YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS I DO!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
“He’s intense and pushy and profoundly complicated, and right now he is helping you to your feet, his hand steady and firm on your back as you find your balance.” I’M CRYING.
“This isn’t as simple as an evil Dirk and a good one. If you’ve learned anything from your travels it’s that everyone has the capacity for hurt inside them, and everyone the capacity for love.” I’M STILL CRYING.
“The combo of all splinters of Dirk, fermenting in his flesh container and not holding onto his shit nearly as well as he likes to pretend” an apt and succinct description of ultimate dirk.
“No, I can see it. If anyone was going to pull off an “I’m you, but stronger,” it would be all of me, combined.” DIRK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
“Your allegiance is not to the story, but to the people within it.” A-FUCKING-MEN MSPAR!!!
“The ends always justifies the means, Dirk.” I feel like that’s the breaking point there. IDK what’s going to happen next but that line sure was a line about philosophy, aka one of Dirk’s biggest special interests.
“[Ultimate Dirk] doesn’t have to work overtime to create more pain just so he can feel like he’s in control of how much punishment he gets and how badly he deserves it!”
oh.
oh wow.
oh WOW that’s hitting it on the fucking nose, MSPAR.
“He’s going to drown in [longing and loathing and Ultimate Dirk] if you don’t do something” STOP COMING BACK TO THAT GODDAMN LINE PESTERQUEST YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME HERE.
“You know how he loves -- though it’s fierce (to a definite fault), he does not do it easily.” STOP MURDERING MY HEART WITH PERFECT SNAPSHOTS OF DIRK AS A PERSON EVERY TWO SECONDS MSPAR I CAN’T HANDLE IT.
AHHHHHHHH IT’S DAVE!!! IT’S FUCKING. CANDY DAVE. I JUST. I CANNOT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!
“you look like someone ironed the mayor so that’s a million more points in your favor” DAAAAAAVE!!!!
“Dave pulls him into a short, back-thumping bro hug which Dirk weathers like a wet cat not trusting a towel to dry him off.” AAAAAHHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING DYING I’M DYING I’M DYING HELP I’M DYING GOD HELP HOLY SHIT, FIRST OF ALL, THE SPRITE/ILLUSTRATION, SECOND OF ALL, THAT DESCRIPTION OF DIRK, THIRD OF ALL I’M FUCKING DYING
CANDY DAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
you deserve so much better than the raw hand the candy epilogue dealt you jfc.
“Bringing fucking guns to a knife fight here.” I mean, did you really expect MSPAR to play fair when the health and happiness of all their best friends is at stake, UD?
SAD ENDING IS SAD.
“Be good to that me, will you? Treat him right?”
dirk, this is yourself. you’ve never treated yourself right. ever. tbqh you probably never will. ultimate dirk is absolutely no different.
(but also this makes me wonder if we’re gonna see “Trust yourself” timeline Pesterquest Dirk showing up in Homestuck 2? That would be fucking wild I’d love to see that.)
“are we anti-ocean here”
“Oh yeah, extremely.”
YES, WE FUCKING ARE, AND AGAIN WITH THE REFERENCES TO HOMESTUCK 2 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
oh, of fucking course ultimate dirk’s a sore loser, he’s ultimate dirk, fucking duh.
“You did it. You got him a good end.” i fucking love that this game is literally just. explicitly saying exactly what i was freaking over and desperately wanted.
like i’m just gonna take a moment here to admit that i was really nervous that dirk would end up like candy timeline dirk and just off himself. i was really afraid that a good end just straight up wasn’t possible.
i love that it’s not. and i equally love that the game acknowledges that a FUCKTON of us really wanted to give him that.
“Maybe [Doc Scratch] and Ultimate Dirk were working together the whole time.” maybe doc scratch has been ultimate dirk this whole time. or vice versa.
“There are just so many details to remember” lmao i made that point like a dozen paragraphs up.
i.... do not recognize the text style of whoever just say “hey. we can talk about this.”
IT’S HUSSIE. HOLY SHIT. IT’S DEFINITELY 100% HUSSIE.
i....... don’t know who that is? the woman?
is this like. the person who’s been running pesterquest?
it totally is.
i don’t know who that is i don’t know enough about the homestuck machine to know who that actually is.
lmao ultimate dirk and the irl director are fighting over how incredibly self-indulgent this metanarrative is, which is fucking amazing. i kind of love this? i really kind of adore this.
i can’t help but notice that the director has blank white eyes.
i.e. the Author is already dead, yo.
“They’re just an artifact of the medium” HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS FANTASTIC. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN HERE.
“I’d say thanks but I feel like you all got more out of it than me” I’M DYING I LOVE THIS HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.
“Stop flirting with my audience you anime ass motherfucker” LMAOOOOOOOO
“I wouldn’t look like this if you didn’t want me to” I KNOW I’M JUST QUOTING BASICALLY THIS WHOLE THING BUT LISTEN I LOVE IT, I FUCKING LOVE IT, IT’S FUCKING PERFECT, GOD. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS SO GOOD.
“I actually let the artists have a lot of creative license” somebody’s horny for ultimate dirk.
eridan DESERVES that gender arc and i’m excited for him.
“Happy people don’t get stories told about them.” I’m sorry, I’ve read enough Domestic Fluff fanfic to tell you that’s just blatantly not true, Ultimate Dirk.
wait.
wait wait wait wait.
pesterquest is a RETCON???????????
THAT was not something i was expecting
you click “don’t” betray your friends and pesterquest just fucking closes like this is fucking undertale jesus fucking christ.
but....
i don’t wanna betray my friends.
but i wanna see what happens....
god dammit this is exactly like the murder run of undertale, i don’t wanna do it but i have to know.
“Andrew Hussie would never do this to me” yeah well, Andrew Hussie barely ever interacted with you soooooo...
and if i throw the beta in the sewer again pesterquest quits. again.
i mean, i knew it would but... *sigh*
that’s a fucking depressing ass ending.
... except that “Savior of the Waking World” still hasn’t been unlocked...
Huh.
I’m... gonna see what happens if I start John’s route over again.
oh duh, of course it’s a retcon, MSPAR touched the Homestuck juju. i forgot about that.
(a big part of me wants to look up the process of getting the true ending. but a bigger part of me wants to figure it out for myself.)
hmmm. okay so replaying john’s ending once didn’t do it.
i guess i coooooould try replaying the whole thing? that sounds. like a lot of effort.
or i could try not betraying my friends approximately five million times let’s see what happens if i do that.
i’m going to do that experimenting in another post cuz this is already huge. see ya in part two.
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40 Fanfic Q’s Answered
the server wants answers, and they want them now!!! from this post
1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.
Smut and pining all the way. Also, falling in love via laughing
2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?
Eh...I don’t think so, I’m always 100% self-indulgent, so what u see is what I want
3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?
Anything that has to do w mega sadness, I just Don’t. I can’t write anything sad, and if I do, there’s certainly gonna be A Lot of comfort afterwards
4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?
I have 91 wips, motherfuckers!!! My latest wip is a daddy month fic!
5. Share one of your strengths.
I think, since I’ve been trying to be sparser in my words, I’ve been able to better emphasize what isn’t being said
6. Share one of your weaknesses.
No action scenes from me are ever good, lmao
7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
It was late at night, when he started to cry.
He didn't want to cry, but he did.
It's been years since he's last let himself feel, or was it since he was last allowed to feel?
He choked on his sobs, uncomfortable with his tears. He's forgotten how to properly cry. His entire body is shaking, and the connections between flesh and wire hurts.
He stops crying. He starts crying again.
This continues for another few minutes, until he feels as if he can't possibly have any more tears.
He wipes his face, pulls the covers up to his chin, and falls asleep.
(from Twilight on the Sea) I really like this bcus I don’t think I’ve ever really typed out crying in this way, n I tried to make it feel like it was a lot
8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
Cass was quiet for a moment. “... you know what? Maybe I’ll just go up there and surprise you.”
“If you do, then you already ruined the surprise, haven’t you?”
“Eh, I dunno about that. Seeing my beautiful face is a shock for many people.”
“Oh, I’m sure of it.”
“Hey, Koda? I don’t know about you, but it’s really late here.”
“Really?” Koda asks, then remembers that time zones exist. “Oh crap, what time is it over there?”
“It’s midnight. What about you?”
“It’s eight o’clock. Only four hours difference?”
“Oh hey, that’s not so bad.”
“It reduces our time,” Koda said, a bit whining.
“Not if I have anything to say about it.”
“What are you going to do? Move here? Send for me?”
“You’ll see.”
(from Together) This was a gift for one my best friends on here, @suncatchr , and it’s about his ocs!!! I love this a lot bcus while it’s a soulmate au, it’s not ur average soulmate au, and I tried making it as original as possible! And this blurb, I just wanted them to effuse so much love w/o having to say love...cries
9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?
If this is by posted fics, then I remember writing Look What You’ve Done to Me was very very difficult, bcus, since it’s also a gift, for @daniel-bryan , I wanted to write it Good, n since my buddy usually wrote from the love interest’s pov, I felt a weird pressure to write Daniel Bryan’s pov as good as I could
10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?
2 of my fics in Spanish!!! My oc centric one, Rayos y Centellas, and my shyan one, oye cariño, solo pienso en ti ! Turns out writing in ur native tongue makes everything easier
11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?
It’s a very passionate hobby!!! I just!!! try to pour all of my love into everything I write!!!
12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?
I’m not sure!!! I just watch movies n quietly scream to my gay lonesome bcus No One Ever Watches Movies ;-;
13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?
To just keep writing n not stop for details or forgotten lore, bcus it’s important to write down what’s firing u up Right Now. Of course, it’s very difficult following that ;;-;;
14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?
“No adverbs!” “No ‘said’!” “It has to make grammatical sense!” sometimes things Need those
15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?
Was gonna say my rewrite of the end of The Rover, but actually, my SPN fic Ube . Shit was peak inspired
16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?
Eridirk (Eridan Ampora/Dirk Strider from Homestuck) all the way. The one otp that’s stayed thru thick n thin <3
17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?
A little mix of both, and tbh it depends on the fic, but I tend to write chronologically
18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?
I’ve started bullet pointing my ideas out before writing my fics, and so far, it’s been helping me be more streamlined n get my things written out faster n clearer!
19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?
Is the need for representation in all the niche movies I keep watching a muse?
20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.
In my dark room, w music blasting from my laptop, the TV w a soft hum, I have the perfect playlist to get the mood right, curled up in my blankies, n my plushie Sweet Pea by my side
21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
Zero, we rely on autocorrect & editing while typing and die like men
22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).
YOU DON’T SEEM SCARED.
Del Rio shrugs. “Working as a cop, it makes you numb to some things. It’s good, it lets you react to things as you should, and not how you’d want to.”
YOU SOUND SAD ABOUT THAT.
He makes a noncommittal noise. “It is what it is.” He eats another spoonful of his ice cream, then gets a thought.
“Can you show up?”
HOW SO?
“Can you,” he tries, waving his spoon around, “Manifest?”
I DON’T KNOW. I’LL TRY.
“I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” Del Rio assures, and he can feel the air around him smile. The...world, he thinks, around him shifts just slightly, and there seems to be a chink in the armor for a moment before it goes away, as if someone had wiped the glass clear. He realizes that this is her, trying to show up in a physical form, step out of the phone.
He doesn’t know where to look, but then his confusion wanes when a butterfly shows up, fluttering towards him. It lands near his phone, skitters a bit, flaps its wings.
“Lucy?” he asks, transfixed on the butterfly. Its orange wings are bright under the sunlight.
I THOUGHT I’D TRY SMALL, FOR MY FIRST TRIAL.
“Well, you certainly nailed it.” He smiled warmly at the butterfly, and he had the crazy notion that it smiled back at him.
(adapted from The Policeman , the first fic I posted!)
23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?
Yeah, probably The Policeman lmao, I remember it today n I cringe a little at the very obvious refs to other fandoms I made. Despite that, it continues being one of my best hits!
24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?
Never
25. What do you look for in a beta?
I’m just thankful to have gotten a beta in general in life at all
26. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?
I beta’ed once, and since English is my 2nd language, I pointed out syntax confusion, typos, n continuity errors
27. How do you feel about collaborations?
Can be done, it’s just that I am frightened. Tried doing that, it fell thru, n the new thing that came up, I still have to hold up my end of the bargain ;;-;;
28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.
cries omg ok so!!! Chancy_Lurking ( @lurkerviolin ) is one of my faves, n we’ve become friends, n their Felix+ Sense8 series is the reason for it all, and u know it’s good if it managed to make a friendship that’s last its good while, and also they’re so nice, and we vibe so well!!! thegoatz ( @daniel-bryan ) is also now one of my bestest friends ever, and I wuv him so much, he is such a good kid, n he’s so enthusiastic about writing, and I hope that spark never goes out!!! And adamwhatareyouevendoing ( @skatingthinandice ) bcus she’s doing a rewrite of The Last Kingdom where it’s all gay where it should be and vnjkdfsnvkd God, what a wonderful friend!!!
29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?
I actually technically am working on a sequel to @rettaroo ‘s A New Kind of Touch ! Another promise I have to hold up eventually ;;;-;;;
30. Do you accept prompts?
Sure!
31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?
I try to follow canon as much as I possibly can!
32. How do you feel about smut?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
33. How do you feel about crack?
Eh, it’s alright. I don’t normally look for it, so I don’t really have a solid opinion on it
34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?
I don’t want to read it, but I have so far encountered it twice very amicably: once here in a ficlet, and another in a longer fic on AO3, and they were both very good
35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?
Probably not, I don’t like sad things!
36. Which is your favorite site to post fic?
AO3! I’m RedLlamas on it!
37. Talk about your current wips.
Lmao which one. The one I’m currently working on is an impregnation kink turned “oh no I actually do wanna have a family” feelings fic!
38. Talk about a review that made your day.
Gonna be real w u, the best comments I’ve gotten have mainly been from my friends, who either write a paragraph or two going into detail of the fic, or just send a one sentence comment that’s just “screams!” I’ve gotten very few paragraphs from other people, n they’re always so!!!
My friends are the realest :’)
39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?
The perks of being a rarepair writer is that the only people who read my fics are the ones actively looking for content!!! And they can’t complain about my work because No One Else Is Writing For It!!!!!!
40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).
All my fics are masterpieces, so I’ll do a summary change! For don’t you just know (exactly what they’re thinking?)
Dakota finds himself in unexpected heartbreak, and the universe decides to bring him in the direction of a night club with a dancer with stars on his skin.
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ASK THE MUSE !
( reply as muse talking )
► NAME ➭ Dirk Strider.
► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭ To be single would assume that one is already singular. Thanks to the fact that I am decidedly not that, I can safely say I’ve never been single in my life. Suck it, virgins.
► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭ Emotion without causation is distraction.
► ARE YOU ANGRY? ➭ See above.
► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭ I don’t have parents. Seriously? Read a fucking book.
NINE FACTS !
► ‘BIRTH’ PLACE ➭ This is a hilarious question. Even were I someone who had been born in the traditional sense, were you hoping I’d be able to describe the hospital room? The city, the country, the continent? You expect a newborn to remember that shit? That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a baby. Don’t you know the woeful tale of every kid that’s ever been labelled ‘gifted’? I say again, read a fucking book.
► HAIR COLOR ➭ Blond.
► EYE COLOR ➭ What, you thought you’d get two straight answers out of me in a row? Take a look. I’ll give you a prize if you guess.
► BIRTHDAY ➭ It’s coming up.
► MOOD ➭ Ring. Board. Tracker. -Y blues. Play a tune for me, saxophone man.
► GENDER ➭ Prettyboy ninja stud. Thanks, Caliborn.
► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭ Blistering heat or blistering heat. That’s one hell of a dichotomy.
► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭ It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.
EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE !
► ARE YOU IN LOVE?➭ With what? With an idea, a place, a person, a thought? These questions are hella vague, bro.
► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭ If I did, there’d be a pretty worried seagull flyin’ around what used to be Texas right now.
► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭ Seriously, man, you have to start clarifying the nature of the question you’re asking. I’m not cool with assumptions. The only ass here is you.
► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭ Does the title Destroyer of Souls mean anything to you? Nah, me neither.
► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ I take my projects far too seriously.
► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK?➭ Aha, so I see the question asker is onto me. You’ve decided to get more specific now. Why? What drives your ultimately thankless ambition? Do you want to pry into my life to fill a gap in your own? Nice follow-up question by the way, sugarlips.
► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭ See above. Wonk.
► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ Physically? Don’t be a dumbass. It’s not possible.
SIX CHOICES !
► LOVE OR LUST ➭ To imply that one is absent from the other is ignorance, is it not? Shithead.
► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭ Or maybe I’m the shithead for embarking on this fruitless mission. You probably don’t care about these answers any more than I do.
► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭ Let me know if I got too frustrating for you up there. Not because I’ll stop, but because I want to know. Indulge me.
► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭ Are you coming onto me? I knew it. I change my secret admirer answer to ‘Yes, of course yes, a million times yes’.
► DAY OR NIGHT ➭ With shades this dark there’s no difference.
FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS !
► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭ You totally stopped reading after I said I didn’t have parents.
► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ Warned you about those stairs, bro. This is what the refrance. Which in and of itself is a reference, I suppose. Got me.
► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭ The referential nature of a reference is so interesting, don’t you think. The prefix, ‘re’ -- back, again. ‘Ferre’, to bear. Almost as if it’s some great weight. The nature of a reference is, at the root of the word itself, painful. That is to say, yes.
FIVE PREFERENCES !
► SMILE OR EYES ➭ I’d prefer a face to put them on.
► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ Shorter than an oak tree, taller than a loaf of bread. Did a horse pop into your mind’s eye? Really? Sick freak.
► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭ Again, the removal of one from the other is questionable. If they’re combined, though, I’m way too sexy, so I understand.
► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ My, my. You’re awfully forward. And people call my art borderline p.ornographic?
FAMILY !
► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ You did stop reading. Caught you.
► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ By what definition? By the standards of whom?
► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ Sure. Did I also mention I can walk on water.
► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ That previous answer was a lie. I felt too bad to carry on pulling the wool over your eyes, like you were some kindergartener trapped in a particularly overbearing sweater. You deserve better than that.
FRIENDS !
► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ I don’t make a point of keeping secrets.
► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭ See how fun that last answer is? My omission leaves the interpretation up to you. I could hate all my friends openly and freely. I could hate none of them. Words are power. Remember that now.
► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭ I thought we were beyond dropping little hints like this, asker. Just ask me outright if it’s you. I know you want to.
► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ You tried, didn’t you? Tried to get to me. Well, it ain’t happening, motherfucker. DiStri doesn’t let the walls down for any random shmuck with a questionnaire. Nice try. I have to applaud the attempt. Now get lost, before I change my mind.
Just kidding. Scamper along now.
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Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 5, routes 1 and 2!
also: sollux for volume 6 (route 2) you (might have) heard it here first
-The trolls' Prospit is still perfectly fine when we see it, as we still haven't done away with SGRUB. In Kanaya's route we see Alternia's Reckoning, the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, and our favorite rainbow drinker fan hunting for frogs in the clouds; meanwhile in Karkat's we straight up see his dreamself- who winks out of existence when he wakes up. John's did that too when he woke up after Prospit fell on the Battlefield, but I had thought dreamselves just teleported to their dream room's bed when the waking self woke up.
-Actually, I'm pretty sure we've seen dreamselves just existing on the moons when their counterpart is awake: John's before Descend, Vriska's in Make Her Pay, Dave's being on the computer and of course Dirk switching between dream and real selves, Roxy's flying out of Derse, Jane's when she dream revived (??), and maybe more I'm not remembering. Of course, dead dreamselves such as Aradia's or Jake's can't go anywhere.
-Possible candidates for Volume 6 basically trolls who were namedropped or had a cameo: Sollux (VERY likely imo, he had a good bunch of screentime in Karkat's route), Terezi (very likely too, as she's also a Peak Protagonist troll), Gamzee (less likely than the other two imo, though MC's been to his hive already), Vriska (could or could not........ it's a gam8le.)
-Worldbuilding: *happens*
Me: *burning through my good note-taking pens*
~ROUTE 2~
-Now to Kanaya's route proper: she's got sunproof dresses just lying around. Very nice sunproof dresses, in fact. (the clothes collecting tradition goes on...)
-Rose immediately comes up on MC's mind when they look at Kanaya's room, though she's dealing with another Light player herself. Whose cameo here was practically expected, in hindsight. ::::)
-We find out that Vriska had been planning the whole Pupa Pan thing for Tavros for a good while. (Probably since she started planning Aradia's gift at least, though that was both a bigger project and also an... easier-to-see fix to what she'd done to her).
-And now that we've seen Kanaya's side of this, the panel where she finds out what the dress was for hurts a lot more.
(-actually kanaya spends a good bunch of her entire volume being sad??? and so does karkat??? and ofc jade did too????? That’s Fucking Illegal Let My Children Be Happy At Once)
-mc still remembers their movie date with polypa...... the feelings at least
-MC encourages Kanaya to finally tell Vriska how she feels, and it turns out she wants to be matesprits too... and it ends horribly. (Rose's bad route also seemed to be going perfectly well until it didn't).
-We don't know how much of the week she was out was spent travelling between their respective hives, though. (did she fucking run there and back???)
(-Kanaya's heart eyes, motherfucker sprite has jade eyes while Karkat's terrified sprite has grey eyes. Further fancy-eyed friends will probably have their associated color as well.)
-And by the time Vriska might have felt what Kanaya felt (the 3-way showdown) instead of just using her for her own benefit, it was too late.
-Bright colors seem to be a rainbow drinker thing, specifically? As opposed to being Alternian goth... (daraya's route explicitly states that she looks goth because she's wearing a lot of black, when she's actually one of the Troll Call trolls that wears the least black. What is the truth? We just don't know....). Meanwhile, chainsaws seem to be the go-to weapon of rainbow drinker hunters, like stakes are for us...
-Kanaya doesn't want a vampire gf, she wants to be the vampire gf! And before MC realizes that, they come way too close to a bunch of murderzombies. Now we know they can choose who they zap with them, with potentially disarming side effects!
-Undead blood is black like His Honorable Tyranny's, and probably something you should NOT put in your mouth.
-Sadly, Kanaya doesn't get to actually talk to the Tentacle Therapist herself, though she is assured that she'd like her. Mayhaps some other time, they will finally meet... hopefully in person.
~ROUTE 1~
-Weird knowledge of alien stuff absolutely takes a backseat to Friendship. Good to know retcon powers have an aim assist of sorts too.
-Karkat's theme gets a remix like John's Pesterquest one!!!!
-Karkat himself is as fucking zen as ever. And while he's got a wonderful good end (as in what happens -wise), his bad ends -all his routes even- are VERY much sadstuck to compensate.
(-Especially his short one... he finds out he's not the only being in the world besides his lusus with crimson blood, because he just murdered the other one... and then you think about how he immediately warms up to MC in his good route, and how he did the same with -past- Spades Slick, and then how his dreamself died in canon...)
-He can project his voice very well, just like a certain other someone who wore a cloak... Actually no shit he thinks ancestors are bullshit (besides vriska & eridan being 2 out of 3 trolls he knows that are into that stuff, and all that), his own's the most illegal one so neither him nor the aforementioned trolls he knows that are into that stuff would have found much stuff... (even Mindfang stuck to sneaking just the sym69ls in her journal).
-Did he paint his nails? If not, who did?
-Of course he'd notice this random alien was very warm. What he didn't know is that we're less cullable than we look like- case in point, Folykl. (actually, do we still have Plot Armor?)
-...Who was Gamzee talking to when we zapped into his broom closet? And why did Karkat freak out so much when he came close? He did know Gamzee was a clown, iirc... was he just leaking psychic spoops or what??
-The second Karkat finds out MC and him have the same blood color, they became friends in his eyes.
-Sollux (is here!!) kinda calls back to Dave in Volume 1, after Karkat and him finish their regular greetings and get to the point of the conversation. Hacking into the caste records is incredibly illegal, though Sollux's more than willing to risk being culled for Karkat*.
-We know there was an Adalov way before Hivebent time, but we don't know if that's our Adalov- and sadly MC doesn't get the chance to even hear that name. (it's too soon still.)
-How do we get rid of SGRUB? We take Karkat “The Fucking Leader” Vantas to Earth, obviously! Where he'll be able to play various skate games, bond with the kids over games left unplayed, and escape a certain death. Wonder how everyone’ll react to him disappearing...
-Narratively Unimportant Traits 1: dave loves olive garden's breadsticks!!
Narratively Unimportant Traits 2: ...because he can eat a lot of them when otherwise he might not get to eat much of anything
Narratively Unimportant Traits 3: karkat's been years perfecting hiding from drones that will kill him if they so much as detect his body temperature, and it's implied he may have been moving (will keep moving) from hive to hive as needed all this time because of the early warning systems, which warn him of his hive being about to go up in flames and killing everything inside it- including his lusus. We're in Hivebent's timeframe, but considering his good route's what takes SGRUB out, he might not even have turned 13 yet.
-Karkat's bad route ends with him just leaving, shrouded in Signless callbacks, after being put on a cull list not even retcon powers can escape from. ...That's also a way to get rid of SGRUB, I guess.
*Back to Sollux being a likely choice for volume 6- in Karkat's bad route, he repeatedly tells Karkat to come to his hive, after seeing him on the cull list and knowing there's drones after him. He knows and explicitly doesn't give a fuck about him being a mutant (though he doesn't seem to know how exactly is he a mutant). The last thing he tells him is “don't make me tell you how much i hate you.”
After that, he doesn't hear anything more from Karkat because he throws his palmhusk away, and then he just leaves into the wilderness. And even if we get the typical Friendsim timeline smoothie shenanigans, Karkat's on Earth in his good route and we don't know if he can still contact his friends. (Sollux can hear the imminently deceased. There's the chance that he might hear from Karkat one last time.)
If we do get the timeline smoothie, that's a hell of a motivation to seek out MC. (And even if we only follow the good route, Karkat still dropped off the face of Alternia after asking Sollux to hack the caste records and telling him MC was in his hive.)
#pesterquest#homestuck#kanaya maryam#karkat vantas#sollux captor#pesterquest spoilers#thoughts and questions#long post#just in case
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homestuck epilogues stuff
thoughts about the homestuck epilogues, as in, spoilers and theories and things ive noticed by reading it over twice and talking with friend @kravicle while they were reading
this is just a list of theories me and krav came up with ok. also stuff u might not pick up in only one read? we’re just spitballing here
MEAT AND CANDY TEREZI ARE PROBABLY ONE AND THE SAME
> just didnt see proof they weren't the same lmao, we only get john+terezi's messages from both timelines and she could have gotten messages from both meat!john and candy!john
>time is fucked on her end also so (shrugs)
>(terezi meeting meat!john) "something else is different about him. different, somehow, from how she thought he’d be when she imagined they’d next meet. under all the gore, he smells... too fresh."
>TEREZI: HMMM
TEREZI: YOU SM3LL OLD3R
TEREZI: BUT NOT 4S OLD 4S 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3
JOHN: what does that mean?
TEREZI: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T
>"In multiple realities, all [John] wanted for her was this. To be home safe, with all their friends. And now that she’s here, she’s lost."
> (meeting Meat!roxy) "Terezi’s head is filled with stories about a different version of Roxy—the polar opposite of the one standing in front of her."
DIRK’S PLAN PART 1 (free will)
>maybe plans to get Actual Free Will thru ultimate godhood??? also explains why he feels okay with removing free will from his friends- for him, this isnt real free will anyway?
>(dirk talking about kanaya) "What WAS she thinking? What are any of us thinking, really? Who’s doing the thinking, and who’s having the thoughts?
The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me."
>to old callie, dirk's plan "[john’s] ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality."
>although narrator callie thinks this world has some sort of actual free will. says "[john should kiss terezi etc]. it’s wrong to contradict one’s true thoughts and feelings. irrational. unbecoming of an existence governed by free will."
>his plan to give everyone/ultimate gods “free will” will end up destroying canon????
DIRK’S PLAN PART 2 (complacency of the learned, ultimate self)
>complacency of the learned, 12 people attaining ultimate knowledge (=ultimate self), and turning "either insane or evil"
> (candy ending, rose’s POV) "The thoughts in her powerful brain race. What will they name the planet? How long will it take for the ship to arrive? Once the new race has established an advanced enough civilization thousands of years from now, who will the lucky kids be? The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?"
>finding more people to attain ultimate godhood???
>dirk asks terezi to come with him and rose at the end of meat, along with john's body (implied that she did accept-callie!jade points and dave thinks she points both to dirk+rose and john+terezi, callie doesnt prove him otherwise)
>dirk wants 12 ultimate gods for each aspect????
>"If your perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you really an individual anymore? Why shouldn’t we become gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God."
- (callie speaking) "[John] is simply being barred from ignoring his true thoughts. even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life."
>callie is probably an ultimate god, terezi should be?? with rem8mb8r?
DIRK’S NARRATOR STUFF
>dirk probably doesnt know hes in a story/that he has an audience (us) "How can I respect a fucking pronoun when nobody can even hear me?”
>does dirk control people by using you-ness? using 2nd person to control, 3rd person to narrate?
>”JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.”
CANDY TIMELINE STUFF
>part of the black hole, a utopia, place removed from reality/canon in some way??? WEIRDO DREAM BUBBLE????
>cut off from canon in some way- dirk and rose cant get to ultimate godhood anymore, john cant use retcon powers
>candy!john mentions multiple times he doesnt think of him and his friends as "real"
>sky in candy!timeline described as more vibrant (VS pre-sburb being described as muted)
>candy!karkat talking to sollux and probably being foreshadowing without knowing: “KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT YOU TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE! KARKAT: OR AT THE VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERSE PERPETUALLY COLLAPSING INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE.”
>CALLIOPE: we’re all going to be very, very happy. I trUly believe that. ^u^
>ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.
ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!
>ROXY: omg
ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!
>Dirk in Meat: "Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection."
>end of meat!callie can see into candy!timeline
ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls
TEREZI: WH4T?
ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise
ROXY: some of it is like
ROXY: weird and violent??
ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um
ROXY: nudity????
TEREZI: >:?
ROXY: yeah yikes
ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit
>obama’s here. god i need a minute
>dirk told gamzee something???
“DAVE: wheres dirk
GAMZEE: tHeRe’S nO nEeD tO wOrRy AbOuT hIm. :o)
GAMZEE: YoU’rE gOnNa GeT wHaT’s BeSt FoR yOu. He ToLd Me ThAt, AnD i’M gOnNa MaKe SuRe HiS wIsH mAkEs LiKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE aNd GeTs TrUe.
[...]
GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T gOt AnY nEeD tO gO aNd CoNcErN yOuRsElF wItH hIs MoRtAl FlEsH bOdY oUt HeRe In ThIs CaNdYcAnE wHiRlPoOl BeYoNd ThE iNfInItE bLaCk WiNk Of ThE wIcKeD sInGuLaRiTy, My NiNjA.
GAMZEE: a SaCk Of MeAt AnD bOnEs In OnE lIfE oR tHe NeXt Is OnLy A mEaNs To ThE fInAl ToTaLiTy ThAt WiLl DaMn AnD rAiSe Us AlL iN bRiLlIaNt ApOtHeOsIs.
GAMZEE: In ThE oNe TrUe LiFe We AlL fLoW fRoM tHe OnE tRuE pEn,
GAMZEE: aNd EvErY hEaD rOlLs DoWn ThE pAtH tO tHe OnE tRuE hAnD.”
> dirk before killing himself: “ It is the very last moment of narratively consequential action that will happen in this whole, barren world. “
OTHER STUFF
> dirk teaching men about "combat, philosophy, life, love." (jake, dave, obama, not said explicitly but also probably gamzee????) what is UP with that
>gamzee also wanting to teach kid tavros about combat philosophy life love, “to behave the way a mentor does”
>re: john “Your complete lack of remarkability, specific motivation, drive, opinion on where to direct your own fate—these deficiencies are exactly what made you so useful, so susceptible to being endowed with the you-ness I’ve borrowed to satisfy my purposes.”
>at the end of meat, callie in jade's body in candy timeline kills lord english and gets big powers or whatever. cherub stuff
>terezi gets a text at the end of Meat, we dont know from whom (candy!(vriska)?)
>john left letters for everyone in Meat but no one’s found them yet?
>snapchats were probably before the split
>this whole post makes both me and krav sound like we’re been talking about this for 24 hours straight (we did)
#homestuck#upd8#homestuck epilogue#homestuck epilogues#maybe this will help someone whos better at writing down stuff lmao#our brains hurt#DONT @ ME I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT THE EPILOGUE ANYMORE#but yes i did love the epilogues thank u#this also isnt art im sorry
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So there was another Homestuck 2 upd8, but I’ve been too busy to sit down and read it. Now I’m finally getting around to doing that!
Oh, so everything before this was prologue? Interesting.
Oh hey, it’s John’s house from Earth C! Is that John himself out in the garden? If it is that must mean we’re in the Candy timeline OR this is set before John made The Choice.
But wait, what’s that at the top?
Ah, I see, we are keeping the trigger warnings from the epilogues, but now they will pop up with each chapter, rather than all lumped in the beginning. If we’re dealing with Alcoholism then we must be seeing some Lalondes at some point.
But the denizens of this particular iteration of Earth C don’t know it. All of this is just business as fucking usual for a planet plagued by war, continuous inclement ghost weather, and the general malaise of being absolutely severed from canon.
So we’re definitely in the Candy timeline for now. I wonder if the only remnants of the Meat timeline we’ll be seeing in this story is Dirk and his crew while everyone else will be from Candy?
In the midst of this, a middle-aged man kneels in a garden. It isn’t his garden,
Not his garden? OK, so that makes me think one of two things. Either this isn’t John (because that is clearly his house) and instead might be an older Harry Anderson OR this is John, but he wasn’t the one to set up this garden (which makes sense because he never really seemed like the gardening type) despite it being on his lawn.
Plants, Jake has decided,
Oh. It’s Jake. I guess I did notice that little blob of black looked more like Jake’s hair than John’s three-pointed hair, but I was kinda fooling myself into believing Jake couldn’t possibly be here. Now that I am forced to accept this fact I do recall Candy Jake ending up staying with John after they both left their marriages.
And they don’t make increasingly inhumane arms deals and appear on talk shows expounding on the dangers of interspecies marriage. They have never, as far as Jake knows, fucked a clown.
Jane really has become the biggest bummer. Poor Rose, she’s a literal god in this universe and she’s getting slammed for her marriage choice. I would say there’s no way Jane has any sway given that they are both gods, but since Jane is also covertly (or not so covertly) controlling mortal politics she probably does have more sway over the popular opinion.
John has been an incredible pal, opening up his home to Jake and his son on such short notice, and even offering him a pair of pants, as well as a shirt that he has so far neglected to put on. John’s house doesn’t have air conditioning. It’s a charming little cottage, but it could sure as aces use some airing out. And dusting. And just general upkeep. The old place really has gone to seed since John’s been away.
So are we right where Candy had left off? No timeskip? This sounds like Jake being here is still a really recent thing. He doesn’t have his own clothes yet and the house is still a mess.
. . .
. . . . . . . .
Dear god, suddenly I am attracted to Jake English. HOW AM I SUDDENLY ATTRACTED TO THIS BLOB MAN? Shit, I finally fell into the English Allure that every single character in this story is victim to, it’s finally happened.
Aaaaaand immediately Jake gets sloshed. Attraction over. Guess the alcoholism mentioned was Jake’s.
Well that’s a neat little transition. Is this a booze induced dream?
The dream narrated Jake getting attacked by a monster, but a far different monster is approaching.
JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk.
DIRK: ...That is a whole ‘nother conversation that we really don’t have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what ‘your dirk’ actually constitutes.
HA! I can just feel the awkward tenseness behind his cool and laid-back tone.
DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I’m not your Dirk.
So. Confirmation that two teen-aged boys boned. For what it’s worth.
JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk!
DIRK: In the ghosty flesh.
Ah, OK, we’re dealing with this Dirk. Not sure how I feel about this particular Dirk. He’s still a Dirk, but he isn’t the mega villain.... right?
DIRK: Until recently there’s been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave.
Oh good, I’m feeling better about this Dirk now. He seems real dismissive of Ultimate Dirk.
JAKE: I suppose ill just have to trust you!
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: Good luck with that.
HAHAHAHA! Man, that’s some good comedic timing.
Though this does make me question exactly what Brain Ghost Dirk is up to. Why rescue Jake from dream monsters, introduce yourself, and then shove him back into danger?
Consciousness hits Jake like a bottle to the back of the head.
Ah, that’s what he’s up to. Waking Jake up out of his drunken stupor. That’s a good plan.
In fact, the bottle is on the table, tipped over and sluggishly dripping from the mouth.
Excuse me?
The bottle is clearly still in his hand and not dripping at all. Me thinks the art department and writing department had a breakdown somewhere in production.
Brain ghost Dirk is still a thing even outside of dreams, which of course he is. He’s not Dream Dirk. So what’s the rest of your plan, BGD? Jake’s awake now, I assume there’s a part two to your sudden reappearance?
JAKE: And what side am i supposed to be fighting on? for jane or against her?
DIRK: Against her. Obviously. What the fuck, dude.
Yeah, Jake, seriously. Jane is full on villain at this point, I thought you were well aware of this fact by now.
DIRK: Yeah, I did. And every single one of them kicked ass. I wanted Jane to be the democratically elected president. Not a cake-slinging Jeff Bezos with a great rack.
JAKE: Jeff who?
Heh, as good a joke as that is it does make me question exactly how Dirk knows about Jeff Bezos. Was he a thing in Dirk’s history books? You know what, probably. Knowing Homestuck Mr. Bezos was probably one of those people that cozied up to Fish Hitler and helped her take over the world.
DIRK: That’s horseshit and we both know it. Jane would take you back in a second. She loves you.
JAKE: Psshaw. Not to be maudlin brain ghost dirk but jane hasnt cared about me in a very a long time if she ever did at all.
JAKE: I thought you knew everything i do.
DIRK: There’s a part of you that still hopes. You can’t help it.
You know what? I just really like this interaction.
Woah, I guess so montage of Jake getting his act together, or a drawn out sequence of Jake making plans and getting them done. We’re just jumping right ahead to Him being on the ship.
It’s then that Jake realizes that Jane isn’t mad because she’d never realized he was gone.
Well shit. That really does say something about their marriage.
Dirk is such a strange man. I can’t tell if that’s just how he’s comfortable waiting, or if he’s actively trying to woo Jake as Jane sobs on his shoulder.
DIRK: All according to keikaku.
Shut the fuck up, Dirk.
DIRK: Don’t know anything about stiff lips, dude. But that’s not what I mean. It’s not because you’re a man. You’re a god.
JAKE: Oh right. That.
DIRK: The world comes first, even at the expense of all your relationships and personal happiness. That’s what being a hero means.
Interesting perspective. Not surprising coming from Dirk. I mean, Ultimate Dirk seems to have given up on his own happiness to play Villain, so of course Dirk’s philosophy is that the same applies to Heroes. Also Ultimate Dirk is, like, an ultimate god, so it goes double for him.
DIRK: Think what you want about Jane, but at least she realizes that none of you can ever be normal, and she never bothered to try. Can it really be a god-complex if you’re actually a god?
I mean, that’s true, but is wanting a simple life as a god really bad? Also Just because you’re a god doesn’t mean you get exempt from making bad choices, and boy has Jane made some bad choices.
DIRK: People like us don’t get happy endings.
:(
JAKE: Is...is that really how dirk felt the whole gosh darned time?
Yes.
And on that sad note we end things. Hoo boy this was a doozy. I’m feeling more hopeful about how this story is progressing! Heh heh, hopeful. Get it? ‘Cause Jake? Heh.
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