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unironicduncanstan · 3 years

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the “Tangodeltaindia” blog explained,

aka my brain has cringe spots on it and needs to be inspected by the FDA

hi my names randi/uni and i created a total drama island themed ARG two months ago on a whim that almost no one interacted with bc i started off way too niche and difficult, so i kinda just went increasingly off the rails because i knew most likely no one was monitoring my posts and i could just make a real cursed hidden tomb that could one day be discovered by someone in a goonies esque unveiling. but then i got lice and now im sad and uncomfortable so i’m just gonna explain the entire damn thing in one shot. its absolutely batshit and theres a reason no one uncovered it ok here we go;;;

first of all the name. its so stupid but. ‘tango delta india’ = ‘tdi’ in the NATO phonetic alphabet. it just felt like a funny place to start that implies its gonna be a puzzle blog idk,

moving on to the actual content tho; some of the earlier posts mean p much nothing and were just an attempt to draw people in, such as the mr coconut ‘like if you agree’ or the ‘let him inside hes cold’ posts.

then theres the cipher (x). it was posted shortly after the height of the ‘using total drama reference pictures to make an alphabet’ meme. in case anybody didnt see that; for a while it was a joke in the fandom to take the transparent references of total drama characters, and line them up, using them like hieroglyphics to make translatable pictures. its supposed to correspond to the alphabet, based on the first letter of their first name. an example could be, alejandro = a, bridgette = b, and so on. there was no solidly set alphabet amongst the fandom though, it was self explanatory most of the time so i made my own solid personal cipher key for that blog to make the whole thing easier.

NOW ONTO THE FIRST PUZZLE POST,,,, (x). theres a scene, a string of text, the cipher key, and a link to a decoder. the way to decode it all is to plug the characters on screen into the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and then plug That translation into the decoder website, and then finally paste in the text under the photo.

the website linked is to a Caesar cipher decoder. the Caesar cipher is just a code where the alphabet is assigned to numbers (a=1, z=26), and to encode something with it you can move this pattern however you want as long as you keep the regular sequence of alphabet and numbers. so you could scootch over One letter, and “abc” would now say “bcd”. so on and so forth.

looking at the scene + my own total drama reference cipher, alejandro = A, and the beaver = 1, which gives A1. so you could now follow the link to the website, press ‘decode’, and paste in the text under the picture. the ‘shift’ in the middle is automatically set to ‘7′, or as it shows, a -> h, meaning ‘a’ has been moved over by 7 letters. so if you set the shift to just 1 over, or A1, now you can translate the text. it reads;

“lets start simple. after all, a trail of breadcrumbs begins with a loaf. whats the harm in another long winded fandom meme. another inside joke. and arent you curious whats truly lurking inside?”

edgy! simple! kinda just a test to see if people would do it or not. which they didnt so of course i tried to make it weirder-

puzzle 2; (x) using the exact same translation rules as above. we have alejandro and the snake, which with the tangodeltaindia cipher key means A6. going to the website, putting it in ‘decode’ mode, pasting in your text, and setting the shift to ‘6′ gives you this translation.

“in his eyes are an island. nothing but a dream, born out of going to bed angry. sink or swim.”

this was just hinting around at where the story was gonna go so it’ll make more sense later. something else to note; if you zoom all the way in and look into alejandros eye (’in his eyes’), you’ll see the word ‘Thera’. ~thats a surprise tool that will help us later~

so after this one, there are two non-puzzle posts that are also just hints (i was just tryna see if i could get people hyped), the first is a close up picture of chris with red eyes that simply says “those arent his eyes”, and then a post that says “his real names not chris :)”, they’re again referencing his eyes, and this time further implying theres something fake or wrong about them, or with chris as a person. again, it’ll be explained better later on.

moving on to puzzle 3 (x), another test to see if anyones keeping up (which also failed josdfjsdfkjs), using the same translation rules, dj = a dash or minus, and the snail = 5, “-5″, shift the letter ‘A’ BACK five instead of forward, and you get the simple translation of; “getting harder now.”

puzzle 4 and 5; at this point, there are two images posted within hours of each other that i’ll explain together as they line up. (x) (x)

These are some of the only ones that can be translated from just the tangodeltaindia key directly. They end up a string of numbers, which are latitude and longitude coordinates. The first post, labelled “the lie”, translates into “45.57394802102744, -81.46817207492494″. googling that will take you to maps and show you to a place called Lonely Island in Canada.

The second one, “the truth”, translates into “36.404663113177534, 25.39605673375295″, taking you to Santorini, Greece.

This is where the hints got really out there bc i realized nobody was following along but i still wanted to paint a picture. so this is the set up;;; the idea that the ‘island’ (camp wawanakwa) existing somewhere in canada, is a lie. the ‘true’ location being santorini isnt meant to be taken at face value though. the mythology behind santorini is that a man impregnated a goddess and to escape the wrath of her father (triton), she formed the island (santorini) by having her lover throw clay into the sea, and then she gave birth to her son, Theras, on this island, giving the island it’s Other nickname, Thera.

this is again just a vague implication that the island might not be real at all, or that it was formed through cosmic means.

the next two posts are more non-puzzle hints, the first showing the definition of the word ‘fresh’ (new), and the second being images of total drama backgrounds with no characters and the text reading “they were always empty.” more, admittedly very outlandish implications that the island is some kind of illusion, but again mostly just another try to drag people into the blog.

puzzle 6. (x) this one introduces a new concept to the regular translation rules, some of the characters are laying down. its kinda supposed to imply they’re “dead” and that you need to take their corresponding letters out of the alphabet given on the Caesar cipher page, below the shift. The upright characters translate to “-9″, so you shift ‘A’ back 9 letters. Then remove the letters; “TH-E-R-A-S”, and with those letters taken out, you can finally translate the text.

“he creates life solely to destroy it. to crush it in his hands. he births chaos so that he may have something to control. the power has given him madness. the isolation, arrogance. don't try to stop him, he's already chosen to be unstoppable. his mind is a perfectly crafted prison, one we will all soon be living in.”

this is where the story gets more on the nose. it’s talking about chris, and about him being an unstoppable cosmic force, a diety who can create worlds within his own mind, and he does so maliciously just for power. hes created the campers through mental energy just to torment them. it also hints that his plan is to expand the world of total drama island and engulf the whole universe.

puzzle 7. (x) same as the last puzzle. beaver and moose translate to ‘1-0′ or ten. the characters lying down to remove from the caesar cipher alphabet are “T-U-L-P-A”. this doesnt have anything to do with the modern way some ppl interact with tulpas but just the actual idea of creating thoughtforms, or willing your thoughts into real life creations, referencing how chris has created the entire island and everyone on it solely through his mind. with those letters removed and the shift set forward 10, you get this:

“his psychic power is unfathomable. the reality he bore was just a passing thought. an idea that became so dangerous. he predates the idea of a mind, the minds own ability to recognize itself, his synapses are paradoxically ancient. the island exists only within himself, to torment the souls hes created, and damned from the start. will they ever be free?”

it states that chris is more than a man or even just a diety, hes an all powerful god already, yet he craves more power. the final line, “will they ever be free” is in reference to the campers, which segways into the next arc;;; freeing the campers from chris’ psychic island imprisonment.

puzzle 8. (x) to solve this one you have to translate the top image with the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and add it to the text given, which creates a link. this leads to a PDF, a page from a book written by terence mckenna. he’s a famous ethnobotanist known best for his studies on DMT, the strongest hallucinogenic drug in the world, its also known as the spirit molecule. many people on this drug (without any prior knowledge of this phenomenon) will recount meeting strange fractal beings that can create things in the universe just by speaking them into existence, theyve come to be known as ‘machine elves’, a term coined by mckenna. ill show the most important excerpt from the page;

this is less about the psychedelic drug part and more about the words and ideas, like “punching a hole through a dimension so it pours through” and “if god didnt exist man would invent him”. its more worldbuilding towards chris’ power and cosmic abilities

then come 2 more clues. a picture of chris holding his own body captioned ‘ego death’, and the meaning behind the name ‘chris mcclean’. the latter is another “please look over here” post, but the first is another minor reference to the previous puzzles answer involving DMT and terence mckenna. ‘ego death’ is a term again used with strong psychedelic drugs, its the sensation that your spirit as you know it is literally Dying, and you are instead connected to and a part of everything around you. another reference to chris’ power and how he may look like a man but his body and spirit are connected to the world hes built in unfathomable ways. at this point im cementing the idea that chris mclean is not a mortal man and cannot be fought with mortal weapons

puzzle 9. (x) this one was an attempt to make easier to solve puzzles, and comes with a visual of chris looming over the island. the text is in wingdings, which can be translated through multiple websites found through google. it says;

“s︎o︎o︎n︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ s︎l︎e︎e︎p.︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ d︎r︎e︎a︎m︎ a︎ n︎e︎w︎ h︎e︎l︎l︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ b︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎ o︎n︎l︎y︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎,︎ t︎o︎ s︎a︎v︎e︎ h︎i︎s︎ c︎r︎e︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎s︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎ t︎h︎o︎s︎e︎ w︎h︎o︎ w︎e︎r︎e︎ n︎e︎v︎e︎r︎ d︎e︎s︎i︎g︎n︎e︎d︎ t︎o︎ b︎e︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎.︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ m︎a︎y︎ c︎o︎m︎e︎ a︎t︎ a︎ c︎o︎s︎t︎.︎ t︎h︎e︎ n︎i︎g︎h︎t︎m︎a︎r︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎,︎ t︎h︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎o︎b︎o︎r︎o︎s︎ o︎f︎ h︎i︎s︎ s︎y︎n︎c︎o︎pe︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ c︎l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ i︎t︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎u︎r︎n︎ o︎u︎r︎ e︎f︎f︎o︎r︎t︎s︎ o︎f︎ s︎a︎l︎v︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ t︎o︎ d︎u︎s︎t︎.︎ o︎u︎r︎ f︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ m︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎ i︎n︎ s︎a︎c︎r︎i︎f︎i︎c︎e︎,︎ r︎e︎n︎d︎e︎r︎i︎n︎g︎ h︎i︎s︎ l︎a︎s︎t︎ i︎n︎v︎e︎n︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ b︎u︎t︎ a︎ c︎e︎a︎s︎e︎l︎e︎s︎s︎ v︎o︎i︎d︎.︎ w︎e︎ m︎a︎y︎ s︎e︎e︎ h︎o︎r︎r︎o︎r︎s︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ c︎a︎u︎s︎e︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎t︎a︎r︎s︎ t︎o︎ s︎h︎u︎d︎d︎e︎r︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ w︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ t︎a︎ke︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎.︎ w︎e︎ h︎a︎v︎e︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎ t︎o︎ l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ a︎ w︎o︎r︎l︎d︎ o︎f︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎n︎e︎s︎s︎ t︎o︎ e︎n︎d︎.︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎e︎a︎ s︎w︎a︎l︎l︎o︎w︎ u︎p h︎i︎s︎ i︎s︎l︎a︎n︎d︎ o︎f︎ l︎i︎e︎s︎.︎ g︎o︎d︎ pr︎o︎t︎e︎c︎t︎ y︎o︎u︎.︎”

this is essentially saying that the island, the campers, werent all just created from his mind, but from his dreams. this confirms that he Sleeps, and claims hes going to sleep again soon, and during that time period theres a chance to kill him before he can dream up another world (or season) to control and torment. its also saying that theres a chance killing him will destroy the island and campers, but that its the only choice we would have to end the cycle. hey guys i am so bored and over the years i have been on every stimulant and anti depressant doctors are legally allowed to prescribe and its still just not quite there yet huh

puzzle 10. (x) the video, the title translates to “the island of his eye”. its just meant to encapsulate everything ive already been hinting around at but with real footage and some audios taken from the show, and again, it was me tryna make some lore that was easy to digest and also terrifying to an audience with no other context. the final images are the only new clues, if you pause fast enough you can barely make out the characters that (paired with the tangodeltaindia cipher key) would say “set them free”, and you can also see an aerial view of what is actually called “the eye of argentina”. it is a real island that rotates atop a swamp, it is geometrically perfect and no one really knows for sure why it rotates the way it does or how it was formed. this clue is simply related back to the idea that the island of wawanakwa’s location is not in canada, and that it does not function like a normal island.

puzzle 11. (x) what td blog is complete without a uquiz? anyways, it doesnt matter how you answer the quiz, theres only one possible result. the title is a link to a mega file, which is protected with a decryption key. the image attached to the result, when deciphered, is the randomly generated key to the unlock the file. the image you see from the file is this; (TW for mentions of self harm and eye trauma)

in case this is too hard to read ill transcribe what it says;

“How to escape the dream - accept that there is no dream to escape, and no you to escape it. - believe in it anyways. - sleep on your back. - cover your eyes. - hide a nail under the pillow. - wait for the ringing. - when you first see him, dont call his name. dont speak. - keep your eyes shut. - on the second night, ask where the camp is. he wont respond verbally. - on the third night, you’ll see his eyes. - on the fourth night, you’ll enter them. - you can’t turn back after the fifth night. - don’t try to hide your fears. he knows them before you arrive. - don’t shut your eyes for too long when it becomes too much. you risk losing them. - find chris mclean. - don’t stop till the nail is through the socket. - repeat on the other side. - repeat on yourself. - congratulations. they are free”

this is, believe it or not, an idea that comes from my very own sleep paralysis experiences. ive dealt with it a lot, so why not make a weird ritual thing for an arg based off it ig. so whenever i’d fall asleep on my back, i’d eventually hear this ringing in my ears (or it’d happen upon waking up), and then the sleep paralysis would begin. i only ‘saw’ stuff a couple times but the fear for me was really more about the overwhelming sensation of pure dread that always came along with it even when i was aware what was happening, and i Always got this feeling too that if i opened my eyes in that moment, something was gonna stab them.

so moving on to how that applies to the arg, the first few lines are about how, obviously, the island is not real, even in the lore being given its a figment of chris’ imagination, but you have to enter it anyways, and the only way to do that is to believe its real. then it tells you how to ‘enter’ that world, (btw i didn’t expect anyone to actually follow these instructions if found, but even if they did, the whole ‘sleep paralysis being caused by sleeping on your back’ thing usually only happens if you’re predisposed to having it and only happens to Some people who have it, so the intent was like. never to bring that upon anybody. but if you are prone to sleep paralysis plz do not attempt even as a joke or anything thx)

the parts about hallucinating chris then are as follows, “ask about the camp / he wont respond verbally” , meaning he will show you through a dream instead, one that might look a lot like the video from before. “on the third night you will see his eyes”, meaning you will see the island but not be able to interact with it, or basically, how we see total drama on tv right now. “on the fourth night you’ll enter (his eyes)” references the island existing ‘within his eyes’, meaning you will enter the actual island. the next night chris will sleep and you will be able to enter the island again and find him. the idea with the nail is that, if you destroy his eyes you destroy the ‘island’ within them. wrapping back around to sleep paralysis, the idea of stabbing yourself with the nail afterwards is because sometimes, the only thing you can move during sleep paralysis is your fingertips and toes, and wiggling those can help bring you out of the paralysis. so at first how i used to wake myself up, but it didnt usually work fast enough so oftentimes id just pinch the shit out of my fingers and use pain to make my muscles start up faster.

the next post is a link to a countdown. again, i knew nobody was rly following at this point, but i wanted a little more build up before just dropping the ending. it was set up to end 5 days after the last post, aka the one that mentioned a 5 night dream ritual.

puzzle 12. (x) going all the way back to the normal multi step translation puzzles. the coloring of the cipher is a bit different, and its missing chris, but its meant to be used the same as it was before, these changes are only for dramatic effect. and chris is gone because well. we mentally offed him in the inception dream land last time. so anyways the snake = 6, shift A to 6, take out the letters “R-I-C-K” of the characters laying in their graves, and you get this translation;

“its almost time. we must now crack open our minds like a crowbar to a sealed chest. like an egg to a pan. to find our way into camp wawanakwa our ego cannot remain intact, and to traverse it we must stay strong. to escape it, we must glue the pieces back together. now we sleep. dream. end the nightmare.”

this is a final message before ‘entering the island’ to kill chris and free the campers from the island. it acts like a pep talk.

the next post is just the countdown ending.

puzzle 13 (the finale). (x)

this post sends you to a new blog entirely, called @awakenfromthenightmare. there is only one post on it. the post has another link to a mega file, and the link is attached onto a string of text. follow the link by clicking, then copy the text and paste it in as the decryption key. now you have another image to translate with the tangodeltaindia cipher;

when translated, the text is another link to a youtube video.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

so there you have it, that video is the ending to the entire arg. it didnt really end the way i wanted at first, i got burnt out from no engagement about halfway through which isnt anybody elses fault, but i still felt this was a well crafted and fitting finale. thank you all for reading.

#tw self harm ment./ //#tw eye trauma / //#tw unreality// //#tw drug ment/ //#long post/ //#like a mile long just look at the tws its a rabbit hol e

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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I just had the worst panic attack I've ever had. I just started scratching my whole body a lot and kinda hyperventilating. I've never experienced this before, I think I've had small short anxiety attacks but I'm not sure. I think the cause was that I saw a bed bug last night and when I stepped in the shower I started thinking about it. I used to have a really bad bed bug problem and I used to scratch my skin off because of it. Do you have any information or anything to help me?

Hey hun,

I am sorry you went through that, it sounds very stressful and unsettling. I am glad you reached out to us.

I want to start off by saying that I know panic attacks can be really uncomfortable and frightening. And sometimes during a panic attack your brain can convince you that you’re dying, and that can be overwhelming, so I do want to say that even though it might truly feel that way while it’s happening, try to reassure yourself that that’s just your brain convincing yourself of that, but it is not actually the case.

When it comes to coping with or calming down from anxiety or panic attacks, different things work for different people, so you’ll probably have to try a few things out to find what works best for you. However, breathing exercises are often helpful, so I will go through one with you right now.

For this one, I ask you to sit or lay down comfortably and put your hands on your stomach. After you’re do that, feel free to close your eyes if that helps you relax more and inhale deeply for 4 seconds through your nose (while focusing on how your stomach is expanding), hold it for 4 seconds and then exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds (while focusing on how your stomach is deflating). Keep doing that, over and over again, for as long as you need.

Something else, that can be very helpful, are grounding techniques. Again, different things work for different people, but my favorite one is usually called the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding exercise, and it goes like this:

name 5 things you can see (notice their shape, color, what they are for…)

then, name 4 things you can touch (notice how it feels, the temperature, the texture…)

name 3 things you can hear (you can snap your fingers or clap your hands, or something like that, to count as one sound if needed, but try to focus on each sound and figure out where it is coming from…)

now, name 2 things you can smell (it can be your clothes, your hair, your recently washed hands, and try to figure out what it smells like and why it smells like that, what kind of smell it is…)

finally, name 1 thing you can taste (you can get some food or gum for this one, or a beverage, or even brush your teeth or focus on the temperature of a glass of water instead)

There are so many other grounding techniques you can try, we have a page on that here.

Mindfulness can also be very helpful, and there are apps that can help with that, the ones I know are Headspace and Insight Timer, and although both have paid features, you can download both apps for free and there are free mindfulness features in both of them. We also have a page on mindfulness here if you want to learn more about what it is and how it can help.

And, if you want more ideas on how to cope, we have a page concerning how to calm yourself from anxiety and/or panic attacks here. This page has a lot of suggestions on how to deal with anxiety and panic attacks, and can be very enlightening as well.

I also want to point out that scratching can be a form of self harm if it’s done with the purpose of hurting yourself, so if that’s the case, here are some helpful links you can check:

we have a page explaining more about what is self harm here.

we also have a page with alternatives to self harm here.

there’s a page of distractions here.

and also, a page with reasons not to harm yourself right here.

Lastly, I do have to say we are not professionals so unfortunately we can’t help as much as professionals can. So if it’s a possibility for you, I always recommend getting professional help. We have a page about getting helping here if you want to know more about it.

Please feel free to reach out to us again anytime.

I really hope this helps at least a bit, you deserve the best, be safe.

Jules

#mhajules #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #panic attacks #anxiety

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madrut16 · 5 years

Text

Day 10: Love Always Wins

A/N: I’ve had this one in the works for a while, it was the fic that I first started when I wanted to expand on MC’s Bloodkeeper powers and it’s where a lot of the ideas blossomed. I debated on whether or not to do a part 1 to this and have this be a little later in the month but, I think that it works best on its own and it fits really well with this prompt so, I’m posting it now! It will also give me more time to start a possible new ACOR AU series (only possible because I like to bite off more than I can chew and promise things I end up not doing) that has been floating in my brain for some time now.

I also want to start writing for a side Bloodbound pairing I have (Kamilah and Lily *cough cough*) so let me know if you’d be into that or if I’m the only one who thinks they have really good potential chemistry.

Bottom line, hopefully, you enjoy this idealized, not canon version of how Isabel defeats Gaius and turns the damsel in distress narrative on its head.

Book/pairing: Bloodbound (Adrian x MC)

Rating: PG-13 (some violence)

Summary: After Gaius has taken Adrian prisoner, both physically and mentally, and injured their friends, it’s up to Isabel to rescue Adrian and end things once and for all.

@kinda-iconic @choicesjulychallenge @endlesshero1122 @jlpplays1 @desiree-0816 @choicesfannatalie @krishu213 @choices97 @riseandshinelittleblossom @brightpinkpeppercorn @ladykateofhousebeaumont @tabithacarlisle @ella-raines

"Adrian!" Isabel's scream was earth-shattering, making the decaying temple walls vibrate.

The man in question didn't respond to her pleas, or even those of Kamilah seriously injured on the floor behind them. And yet, his beautiful features continued to twist in anguish as he fought with every ounce of strength to restrain himself, the ultimate struggle between good and evil.

This was the last thing he wanted in the entire world.

But the force that compelled him was too strong, his mind held hostage as he slowly inched towards her. The sharp dagger he held glinted in the dimly lit room. Behind him, the man pulling the strings grinned, clearly amused by the struggle.

"There's no use in trying Isabel," Gaius proclaimed. "You can't fight who you truly are inside. I knew all along he would come back to me, embrace his dark side. Throw away his weakness for the frail mortals like you, our unequals. This is who Adrian is, bloodthirsty, cold-hearted. A killer at heart."

She shut her eyes tightly, knowing deep down that his words are all lies. She had memories to prove it and after the endless amounts of training, she could now easily call up the ones she wants.

"Ab uno disce omnes," she whispered, her voice so quiet that no one else could make out what she was saying.

All at once, the memories came to her at once. First, she saw Adrian Turning Lily, even though it put him in incredible danger and she noticed something she didn’t catch in the moment: the self-sacrificing desire in his eyes. It wasn't just for her despite what he told her afterward, he had wanted to save Lily on his own ever since he had rushed inside the apartment. All Isabel had done was give him the permission he needed to disregard the rules in his way.

This faded into the next scene and she once again saw the confederate soldiers who he didn't want to kill, despite all that they stood for. The fact that they were human was enough for him. Finally, she recalled the first memory she had seen, back at the cabin 238 years ago. How he was so ready to suffer, to join his family in painful death than take another life.

All of this confirmed what she already knew in her heart, the belief impossibly rooted now. Her eyes snapped back open and she gave the monster a heated glare. She shook her head, uttering the word she said to fully enter this mysterious and complicated world.

“No.”

Gaius's scoff was deafening, his intimidating gaze drilling into her. "You humans are so naïve. I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you then,” he threatened.

"You’ll prove nothing," she retorted, raising her chin high in defiance. “I know the truth.”

Isabel turned her attention away from him, back to his former soldier, and her gaze immediately softened to one of anguish. Then, she made a quick decision. Her most impulsive one of all.

She ran toward him, much to the horror of her friends scattered like ragdolls behind her.

"Isabel? What are you doing?" Jax demanded, before hissing in pain as the deep gash on his side continued to slowly heal.

She ignored them, stopping just shy of the dagger’s blade pointed directly at her. All of her attention, her energy was on Adrian. She wanted to touch him, to hold him tightly, but even in her emotional state, a shred of rationality remained. She knew that she couldn't just yet. She could only reach out with her words. Luckily, the art of rhetoric had been a strength of hers for a while now, especially when she became passionate about whatever cause she decided to fight for.

"Adrian, listen to me,” she begged. “You can fight this! I know this isn’t you, that you don't want to hurt me!"

With a chuckle, Gaius held his hand out, causing Adrian to stiffen despite his best efforts and a look of calculating coldness to appear. "Are you so sure of that...poppet?"

Just as he forced Adrian to lunge at her, she grabbed the blade, disregarding the shooting pain in her hand. This caused Gaius to lose his concentration just enough to get Adrian to hesitate, once again frozen like a living statue.

"No! How did you—?” the Second son growled in astonishment.

The heightened powers had gone to his head a while ago, the narcissism more extreme than ever.

On the ground, Kamilah responded, her voice strained by her body’s intense effort to repair itself. "You underestimated her."

Isabel smiled briefly, grateful for the confidence of the person who once had a much different view of her. She only hoped that she was as capable as the senior vampire believed.

"You're wrong about him Gaius." Her stare burned into the vampire king's, unwavering. "Yes, he's made mistakes in the past, caused pain and bloodshed. I've seen that with my own eyes. But I also know that he did it because you taught him to. That you manipulated him, made him think that he didn't have another option. But, guess what? When he had the freedom to decide what he wanted, we all know what he chose!"

She paused to catch her breath, and she looked at Adrian who was still eyeing her, possessed with evil. But, there was one difference. He was listening to her. And so, she pressed on knowing that eventually, she would breakthrough.

"He chose to create a different, better option,” she continued, her words laced with raw emotion. “To use his power to help people, not harm them. He was brave enough to change the status quo when he knew it was wrong. And ever since he's been using his mistakes and regret to create a better world. Because unlike you, he’s refused to use his pain as an excuse to hate innocent people. That’s why he’s a good person!"

His expression remained unchanged and her heart started to break, as she knew that she would soon run out of time.

"Isabel," Kamilah pleaded, her tone wavering in sorrow for her adopted brother. "It's okay, you've done all you can. Get away while you're still able to!"

She shook her head, her stubborn determination at its height. "I can’t! He needs me. I'd rather die than give up fighting."

She had done this before, let her heart fly too close to the sun like Icarus. The last time, it almost killed her, she was lucky to be caught mid freefall. But this time, this time would be different. She knew the look in someone's eyes who actually wanted to hurt her. It was in Derek's all those nights ago. And now it was all over Gaius's smoldering red stare.

But not in Adrian's.

Despite the hardened exterior, she saw in his brown irises the complete opposite. That's what made her cling on for dear life to the small shred of strength she had left.

"Isabel, look out!" she heard Lily cry and she noticed Gaius clenching his fist just in time.

As he compelled Adrian forward, she readied herself and used her natural power to once again grab onto the blade, holding it inches away from her. She knew how to use the fright she felt instead of letting it consume her. This time, she was gonna fight until her last breath. As she pushed back, she started to lose hope and desperation set in.

"Snap out of it, I'm begging you!" she cried, tears welling in her eyes. "Because I love you and I can't lose you to him! So please, just come back to me!"

Almost as soon as the words left her lips, he stopped in his tracks, allowing the dagger to clatter to the ground, much to Gaius's horror.

"Impossible," he exclaimed furiously as her palms dripped blood onto the stone floor.

"Do you really—?” Adrian questioned before the horrible pain of recognition came over him about what almost transpired. “Oh God, I could’ve…”

She stared at him in shock before she gasped in relief. "Adrian! Thank god!"

As she moved towards him, the reunion was cut painfully short as Gaius unleashed his fury and Adrian found himself on his knees, writhing in pain. "That is what traitors like you deserve!"

"No!" Isabel screamed as she watched him suffer helplessly.

Gaius turned his attention to The Bloodkeeper in front of him. At first, he had found her stubbornness amusing, but now it was nothing but a thorn in his side.

"Now Isabel, I was going to spare you after all your precious friends died. But now...now I think I'll have to do away with you first...and let them watch."

"No...not Isabel!" Adrian let out a strangled plea.

"Hush you pathetic weakling!"

Gaius gave him another sharp flick of his wrist, turning his progeny’s blood into a living furnace and sending him to the hard floor. He did this all while keeping his menacing stare on his main target. "Now, try to stop me, mortal," he told her, an overly confident look in his eyes.

Isabel should have been terrified. If four vampires, including Kamilah who was the best of the best, couldn't stand a chance against him, how could she? But, she wasn’t, because she was his one undoing. It was in her DNA, her genes, her long and convoluted family history. It would be up to her, just like it was up to her line since the very beginning.

A strange exhilaration coursed through her knowing that the moment she had been training for was here. Yes, there was fear in the mix as well, she wasn’t quite fully proficient, but she knew enough to be a sizeable opponent. She had already demonstrated that when assisting Kamilah in dispatching Priya to gain access to the temple. She looked back at Jax, who had helped her with everything. He gave her an encouraging nod and that was the last push she needed.

Isabel scrutinized her enemy, his hungry eyes the only testament to the restraint being held. He obviously wanted her to make the first move. But, she wasn’t inclined to give him what he wanted. Especially that.

Instead, she crossed her arms, not taking her eyes off of his for one second. "I don't think you really want to fight me."

"Why not? You're nothing sweetheart. I'll be able to kill you easily."

She couldn’t stop the smirk from appearing on her face. "Then why haven't you? Why are you hesitating? It could be your love of drawing things out. Making your victims suffer until you bleed them dry. Just like you did to Adrian and Kamilah, to their families. But, I don't think that's it this time. I think...I think you're scared. Because you know that you’re just as human as I am. Something you’ve come to resent.”

"Me, afraid of you? Why that is preposterous," he laughed tilting his devilishly handsome face at her.

But, her eyesight was impeccable, and she noticed the slight quivering of his lips. The slight shaking of his hand.

"Is it?" she quipped. "Then I guess...you won't mind if I recite a little Latin for you then."

Behind her, she heard Adrian's confused murmur. He was the only one who didn't know about her abilities. Kamilah and Lily found out first hand in the earlier fight with Priya. But he was still in here, being held captive.

Gaius's eyes widened in alarm.

"No...it cannot be…you...can't know the truth!"

"What’s the matter Gaius? If you're so powerful, why are you so terrified of a frail little Bloodkeeper? Maybe because I’ve found out what you’ve tried to keep hidden. The truth about us, what we were born to do. I think they call it…destiny? But, why should you care if you’re unstoppable? If that’s so, then come and prove it."

Her goading had its desired effect, and, in a flash, he stood and dove towards her. But, he wasn’t fast enough.

"Ab origine, ab antiquo, ab aeterno!” From the original, from the ancient, from the eternal.

She shouted the enchantment just in time.

Instantly she began to glow, golden lines forming on her skin, flickering, churning with untapped potential. The energy, it consumed her and the room around her.

With a smile, she reached out to the discarded dagger a few feet from her. Concentrating on it, it soon rose from the ground and flew into her now cut free palm.

Gaius paused momentarily, not believing his eyes. "No…NO!"

He soon became livid and with a roar, he resumed his charge, but Isabel was quick to meet it.

Instead of backing up, she ran towards him at lightning speed.

Leaping over him, she dodged his attack and landed safely on the ground several feet away from him only slightly winded.

She smiled triumphantly now radiating adrenaline and confidence. "You're going to have to do better than that.”

Everyone on the floor looked at her in pure astonishment.

Then, her weapon clashed with his as the two began to spar.

They met each other stroke for stroke and blow for blow to the amazement of their audience around them as Isabel remembered the techniques Jax had taught her. When to press and when to dodge. To use the strengths of her body and the weaknesses of his to her advantage.

Then, Gaius managed to knock the sword from her hands and tried to tackle her to the ground.

However, he only managed to get her on her knees before she recovered, using her increased strength to resist further.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold him back forever, but her fast mind promptly calculated her next move. There were two powers she hadn’t used outside training yet—the most important ones. She just needed to be able to give herself enough time to do it.

He started to gain traction and she heard the frantic exclamations of her friends behind her. She closed her eyes, letting them give her strength. She wouldn't let them down.

Gritting her teeth, she bared down resisting the mental pull Gaius was giving her, trying to cloud her head.

Finally, she was able to push him off of her enough to crawl out underneath.

As she got to her feet, she didn't wait for a response, positioning her hands at her sides. "Lux ex tenebris!"

Instantly, streaks of lightning started to erupt from her palms, causing a bright light to fill the darkened temple. She gaped at her hands, this being the first time it had worked at the first try.

Gaius charged at her and she shot a bolt at him, and he slowed, the hot electricity charring his body. "Aghhhhhh!"

As he kept attacking, she used a mix of combat techniques and electricity attacks to hold him back.

But, she knew he wouldn’t give up, that's not what someone like him did, who saw himself as invincible.

He switched from a physical fight to a mental one. "Is that seriously all you have?" he taunted, his voice strained from the zaps of electricity. "You're just like them. Too fragile, too emotional to kill me."

This infuriated Isabel more than ever. She shut her eyes tightly as another series of images ran through her. Only these memories were all hers. Every time she was called too emotional, too stubborn, not good enough. So much that at one time she believed them. But now, she knew exactly how wrong they were, how strong she was, with or without her abilities.

Opening her eyes, she put her hands together and the electricity grew to form a glowing ball of plasma. She would show him that having emotions, choosing to love was so much more powerful than hate.

Taking a step back, she wound up and hurled the ball at him as hard as she could, and it plowed into him in seconds and it sent him to the ground hard, the heated energy immobilizing him in a fit of painful seizures.

"No... you can't...stop me," he hissed.

As he tried to sit up she was there in seconds, pinning him to the stone. "Don't speak," she ordered, holding him down now that she was draining him of his strength.

He gave her a sickening grin, still trying to weasel his way into her mind. "You're not going to...back out, are you? Just like your...sensitive little...Adrian did? As much as I... tried to get him to see...his true potential...his glory I never...managed to get...the lowly, submissive human out of him. He—”"I said stop talking."

She snapped, cutting him off by pressing a charged hand against him.

"He's not the weak one, you are! And yes, usually I believe in mercy. In being the bigger person. But for those like you and your accolades—Jameson, Vega, Priya—who do nothing but manipulate, and hurt, and abuse...there's nothing I want more."

As she went into her suit pocket, Gaius geared up for one more attack.

He grabbed the side of her neck with his one free hand and squeezed tightly, and she gasped loosening her hold on him. This allowed him to flip on top of her once more.

But, even black spots started to tinge her vision and her lungs burned from lack of oxygen, she was prepared.

As the pain laced through her, she pulled out the gleaming wooden stake, it's bark illustrious and white. The streaks of energy in her hand immediately ran through it. Then, she noticed that his last-ditch effort had left his chest completely exposed.

Checkmate.

"You...forgot...one thing," she growled, wincing from his fingers pressed tightly against her throat.

"What's that?"

The stake’s glowed, illuminating her stoic expression.

"Not even Rheya was invincible."

Isabel's voice was commanding as she used both hands to shove the weapon deep into his heart causing a ripple of black and red smoke to cascade and a crack of thunder to sound/.

The force caused a massive bolt of electricity to run through him. She watched as his eyes briefly widened and he howled in pain. He sizzled then crumbled into smoking ash on top of her, covering her in the greyish white substance.

Isabel remained frozen for a moment, her body shaking from the weight of what she had just done. Then, reality started to sink in. "He...he's gone," she stammered in disbelief. "It’s really over."

Swallowing, she looked down at the still crackling oak in her hand and she set it down remembering that she had to turn off her dormant powers.

"Ab origine, ab antiquo, ab aeterno."

This time, the light dissipated, and the energy retracted from her hands, leaving behind red burn marks. They would heal eventually, she needed the other set of words without the chant on. The temple darkened once more, the only light coming from the moon's peeking through. She stood and turned to face everyone behind her who were all in various states of shock and awe.

Her gaze immediately found Adrian’s and she blinked back tears as the thought of almost losing him overwhelmed her. She rushed to his side in seconds and as soon as he worked himself into a sitting position, she was in his arms.

“Isabel.” His labored breathing was a musical sound to her ears.

She pressed him to her tightly. “Thank god you’re okay,” she exclaimed.

“He almost got to me,” he muttered and when she pulled back enough to see his face, it was full of guilt. “I almost hurt you. I’m so sorry. If I had actually done something…I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.”

She shushed him with a kiss. “Hey, you don’t have to apologize, you had no choice. He was literally controlling you, Adrian. I knew that I would get through eventually, that you would come back. I just wasn’t sure if I’d have enough time.”

He reached up to brush a stray lock of hair that had fallen out of place and his hand lingered on the side of her chin and she saw a certain urgency on his face.

“What you said, say it again,” he demanded. “So, I know that you really meant it.”

She didn’t need to ask which words which he meant, she already knew.

Countless times she had planned elaborate scenarios for when she would actually say them, and they wouldn’t be just thoughts in her brain. For them to slip out in the heat of the moment was not one of them.

But, they had come out easier than she ever thought they would.

Peering into his eyes now, all of the fears that he wouldn’t feel the same and the challenges were too great dissipated. Because that same uncertainty was staring right back at her. And all of a sudden, she realized that this was perfect because of how natural it was.

Biting her lip, Isabel repeated her earlier declaration. “I love you, and that means all of you. Even the dark and broken parts. Everything.”

The look he gave her was of raw, unfiltered emotion. “Isabel…I love you too. I didn’t think that I could feel this way about someone again. But you walked in and ended up proving me wrong.”

And that’s when she knew that everything would be worth it, that somehow, they would defy the odds and find a way to be together for eternity, whether it was on her timeline or his.

She was brought out of their moment when he suddenly let out a groan and she remembered that he and their friends were still injured. Their natural healing would take some time from lack of energy and severity of the damage inflicted. But, with her help, it would be just like new. Isabel gasped and slowly untangled herself from him.

Her work as a Bloodkeeper wasn’t over yet work. “Sorry, there’s still one more thing I need to do. For everyone,” she said elusively.

As much as she wanted to help Adrian first, he wasn’t the person she needed to heal most. That was the person who Gaius made sure to hurt most of all. His former queen.

Following her gaze, Adrian gave her a tired smile. “Go. Whatever it is, I can wait for it.”

With a nod, she quickly ran to Kamilah’s side, who was trying to remain calm against the pain she clearly felt.

"Let me help with that," Isabel murmured crouching down beside the CEO. When she moved her hand over her abdomen, the vampire pulled away slightly before she could make contact, stiffening.

"Isabel, what are you—?”

With all of the abuse Gaius had given her, which was now coming back to the surface, the Bloodkeeper wasn’t slighted or panicked.

She responded with a gentle smile. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. It’s just another power of mine. Do you trust me?”

Kamilah hesitated, her shimmering brown eyes full of apprehension. Then, after a minute, she relaxed and nodded wearily. “I do.”

Isabel delicately grasped the bottom of the white dress shirt. “I need to lift this up, is that okay?” She received a confused nod.

She pushed the fabric up to reveal bare skin and the deep wounds struggling to close themselves up. Getting her hand ready, she continued to talk through the procedure to give Kamilah time to adjust to each step.

“I’m going to have to touch it with my hand in order for this to work, I’ll be as gentle as possible.”

The other woman simply looked at her curiously as she slowly lowered her two hands onto the gash, she felt her breathe in sharply on instinct before easing once more.

Isabel closed her eyes, willing herself to remember what her grandmother had taught her a few weeks earlier.

She pressed down softly putting some weight into her palms and recited the phrase needed. “Sana lucem vitae.”

Instantly she felt a tingling warmth spread down from her chest all the way to her fingertips. That’s when she knew that she had said it right. She counted the necessary fifteen seconds she needed to maintain contact before she opened her eyes.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips when she saw the soft pale-yellow glow radiating underneath her hands. She slowly lifted them away to reveal the now perfectly smooth skin where the lacerations should have been. The light retreated almost immediately, and her hands had healed from the electricity as well.

“My heaven’s…,” Kamilah whispered in awe. Slowly she sat up and groaned, the soreness from the connection of muscles and skin still being felt. “That was…thank you.”

Isabel smiled at her sincerely. “You’re welcome. You deserve kindness and love too you know.”

Jax was the next of the vampires she went to. "You...you did good kid," he stammered, still incredibly weakened.

"Yeah, you did!" Lily exclaimed, before wincing hard. "Sorry, it just really freaking hurts."

Isabel shook her head. “I know, but hold tight. It won’t in a minute.”

She made fast work of mending both of them.

“You know, I really love having you as my best friend, especially now that you can shoot lightning bolts,” Lily told her after she was finished with her.

“Me too Lil. I’ve never said this to you out loud but, you saved me you know.”

The gamer furrowed her brows at her. “How?”

A tiny pang of sadness pooled in Isabel realizing just how unappreciated her friend must have been by others. “After I left Derek, Alyssa was my only friend who I’d hadn’t pushed away, and then she moved to Massachusetts and I was here alone. And you welcomed me with open arms, no questions asked. I needed that more than you’ll ever know.”

“Isabel! Now you’re making me cry. You know how much I hate that.” Lily crushed her into a tight hug. “Now go, save your prince charming over there.”

The assistant smiled and made her way back to Adrian. When she said the enchantment this time, she kept her eyes open so that she could watch the process unfold completely.

“I’m guessing that this is what you and Ginny were up to while in Paris?” he asked her.

Sheepishly she nodded. “Yeah and then Jax helped me with the training once we left. I’m sorry I kept it from you, but Ginny insisted, said you were too overprotective to let me go through with it. I was going to tell you soon but then you got kidnapped so, that wasn’t exactly possible.”

“Eh, she’s probably right. I’m not mad about it though, you did what you needed to do.”

Good as new, he slowly worked himself up from the concrete as the others did the same.

“You owe me and Jax after all the loose ends are dealt with,” she quipped as the five of them walked out into the dark New York streets, still as lively as ever.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh? And why is that?”

Jax let out a scoff and Isabel gave him an incredulous look. “The bet remember? After we visited the Louvre. We were right, love always wins.”

The memory flooded back to him now. “That’s right. With everything that’s happened since I forgot all about it. What do I have to do to repay?”

Isabel locked eyes with Jax and they both shrugged as a euphoric feeling coursed through her veins, making her light as air. Peace, at least for now was accomplished and that was a satisfying thought.

With a smile, she replied in a sing-song voice. “I don’t know yet, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

#playchoices #choices stories you play #choices july challenge #bloodbound #bloodbound 2 #adrian x mc #adrian x isabel #adrian raines #kamilah sayeed #jax matsuo #lily spencer #gaius augustine #trigger warning: violence

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nevertrustamanwho · 5 years

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How to make relationships work

When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, like most abusive relationships it started out great (or so it felt and seemed to me at that time anyway). Then things kind of slowly started going downhill after some months, but even though he'd changed I held onto the hope that he'd change back. I still loved him even though I kinda hated him, and every time we got close to ending it he'd pull me back in by saying stuff like he loved me, like he was sorry, like he'd change (even though previously he'd always said I was the problem, that he only did what he did because of me = major inconsistency. AND the thing that always pissed him off the most was when I told him he was being inconsistent lol).

But anyway, a lot of my strategy and thinking at first was: how do I make this work? I need a better relationship because I am suffering. (I thought of dumping him but I knew that would also cause me a lot of pain and I didn't trust myself to end it for good anyway.)

So I looked up advice on how to make it work (there is sooo much out there), I was pretty much determined to be the best girlfriend ever. Since I wanted a partner who was deeply committed to me and our relationship, I thought I should be that partner, too.

You always hear so many things like "you teach people how to treat you", I thought maybe I taught him to do this to me. "You can't change others, you can only change yourself / how you react to things", I thought ok I just need to change myself and how I react to things so I'll stop being upset with what he does (this is useful advice only outside of toxic relationships!). "Happiness is a choice", so maybe I'm just choosing to be unhappy. Even in therapy they told me "if you can't accept him for the way he is, you should leave him", but what they don't realize is that this is basically the same as "If you want a good relationship, then you need to accept him exactly the way he is" which, NO! Because he is not accepting me exactly as I am! I shouldn't have to do all the work! He is hurting me and putting in no effort and telling me everything is my fault. He is the problem, not me! It didn't help that my mom was getting heavily into Christianity at the time, and passed on harmful ideas to me like "love suffers everything" (yikes) and even though I was feminist enough to see through a lot of the bullshit, there was still stuff like that, and I loved him so much and was suffering so much, so it made sense, right? ("Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" don't even get me started on that one. Which is not in itself a bad philosophy BUT IN MY CASE, IN THE CASE OF ABUSE, IT WAS VERY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.) He also injected bullshit into my brain himself, for example he didn't like telling me he loved me even though he claimed he did and said stuff like "actions speak louder than words" and cited times he'd been there when my mom had psychotic episodes, and other good things he'd done (doesn't negate him having treated me and still treating me badly), so now I wasn't allowed to feel bad about him not wanting to tell me he loved me, or acting like I wasn't even his gf in front of others, because he "said it with his actions".

You always hear "communication is the key to a good relationship" so I thought, I must not be communicating well enough then. I learned about non-violent communication and tried it, didn't work. In fact, it made him listen to me even less. Another thing was that you shouldn't say to your partner "you always (x)" or "you never (x)"; which yeah it is bad for communication, it'll make the other person get defensive and is probably not 100% true, BUT in order to recognize abuse or toxic relationships you need to be able to recognize and acknowledge patterns. I also sent him every resource I found on improving relationships, all of which he just responded with "we don't need to read things, we just need to feel" or some woo woo crap like that to make himself sound enlightened, and make me seem like I was ridiculous or robotic for approaching relationships and emotional things in a logical manner, while justifying his own lazy ass.

I always wanted to be that person who doesn't bail when the going gets rough, you know? Ride or die is how they call it? So another way I rationalized it was "all couples have problems, I'm not gonna just throw everything away because of that" and I felt proud of myself for not "giving up". (Cutting your losses can often be the best way to go.) One recurring thing was him comparing me to his exes and it's embarrassing to admit but sometimes I basically thought "our relationship has to last at least as long as his relationship with her did, preferably longer". I don't remember if I asked myself why I thought that or how exactly I justified that that made sense.

The other thing was that it hurt so much and I was so frustrated and confused (because gaslighting), so I wasn't a perfect partner either, in part because I'm a HUMAN and in part because being messed with just really messes you up. I once made out with one of his friends in front of his other friends and he ended up catching me doing it also. I once kicked him in the balls out of nowhere when I was really drunk (in retrospect he totally deserved it lmao but in the moment he really didn't do anything to warrant that).

There's probably more to add to this, but I guess in essence what I want to say is:

1) Self-help stuff and therapy doesn't work to fix an abusive / toxic relationship, in fact it can even set you back sometimes.

Therapists basically aren't allowed to tell you what to do, including that breaking up with someone would be the best choice for you. They often can't recognize emotional abuse or maybe don't even know about it? They might even convince you that you're the problem because clearly you're unstable or maybe just because all they can do is help you with only "you" anyway. Couples therapy is known not to work when there is abuse and just makes things worse, and individual therapy for abusers can often make them better at abusing! (Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft expands on this in one chapter.)

2) Realize that not all relationships can be fixed.

One important thing to remember is that love alone doesn't make relationships work, even non-abusive relationships, even if you both truly, deeply love each other. If you are the one putting in all the work, it's not worth it and it's not going to work, unless you define a relationship "working" as being miserable a lot of the time but still together.

3) Don't take pride in how much shit you can tolerate and forgive.

This is something that is so instilled into women to do. And it's hard to think differently because abusers destroy your self esteem, so what else is there to be proud of? What other good qualities do I have? But if you attach this to your identity it's going to make it that much harder to leave, because not only are you attached to him and to the relationship in itself, but now your pride and sense of self also depend on it. You're not a failure if you quit and "failed" relationships are nothing to be embarrassed about.

How to make relationships work? You can't. Not you alone, anyway.

I hope this can help someone out there ❤️❤️❤️

#relationships #non violent communication #relationship advice #emotional abuse #toxic relationships #Mod nico

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jungdrizzydraco · 5 years

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An O.C. for Your Asses!!!

I wanna see if the characters are legit before I move forward with this short story im working on (I'm a character first kinda guy, so I work inside-out) leave any form of constructive critique you wish, they are still works in progress, thanks!!

Augustine Harriet Andersson

Age:22

Sign: Gemini (sun) Cancer (moon) Virgo (rising)

Height: 5'8

Eye Color: Formerly dark-brown, bleached to a pastel-hazel because of some dark magic fuckery

Hair Color/Cut: dark-brown,q shifting variations of a fade, whose design changes somewhat based on his thoughts and emotions (yes, this is an enchanted fade)

Build: lean, lightly muscled from years lifting cauldrons in his grandfather's potion shop

Notable Features: Dimples; left-dimple is deeper than right, multiple piercings on each ear, artificial left eye (looks organic but to magical eyes, it looks otherwise)

"Have you ever been like...fundamentally angry? I feel that way...like at my core, there's this rage that seethes and coils at the pit of my stomach, everyday, like a python that can't quite squeeze his prey all the way to death. Everytime I think I've grown up, forgiven something or someone or myself, there's this anger that tightens right back up all over again...like it's reminding me of something. Somedays...I feel like that feeling will petrify everything I've ever loved about myself, and I'll just be another slave to outrage and ego and pain...just like everyone else...haha, then I'll really be a normie." -August Andersson, on his depression and internal anger issues.

Augustine Andersson is a witch-boy. But you could probably already tell that from looking at him: the way his eyes are almost constantly fixed towards some unseeable infinity, the way air molecules hum with fresh, manic energy around him, how he seems to absorb sunlight and the way his brown skin would filter the glow as a result of his connection to the natural...it was all very off putting to others around him for most of his young adult life. And as we all know, no one likes a freak, so such years had a hand in building his current trust issues, feelings of great anger and inadequacy, and all the tics and tricks he uses to keep such feelings at bay. He's not at a total loss; at his core he is a humanitarian, deeply compassionate and available to those who have managed to capture his heart, as well as wild and humorous. However, he keeps a tight lid on his darkest feelings and insecurities, out of fear that they may be too much for those around him (also, he might accidentally call forth a vile arch-daemon on accident, but that's neither here nor there.) After finally having had enough of his mundane time amongst the humans, he vanishes from his college campus one day and takes to the open road, hoping that like the many young, angsty teens in the movies he loves, he will find himself in his own solitude. But the best way to deal with oneself is when confronting someone else, and after a close-call with a reckless (and very cute) motorcycle rider on an interstate, August will be forced to deal with every single part of himself, the good, the bad, and the strange...

A few more things about him...

1. His father is Afro-swedish, hence his last name.

2. Loves to travel and is nomadic by nature.

3. He gets a special kind of warmth out of being moderately petty at all times.

4. He loves open spaces and bodies of water, as well as hikes through mountains (ok so he only went once in Vegas, so sue him, he really liked it!)

5. Surprisingly low maintenance, really just likes being around people that are happy, and the feeling easily rubs off on him.

6. Both positive and negative emotions easily rub off on him.

7. Can get caught up in moments of warm content, given his unstable interior life, and can get lost in wasting/spending time.

8. Gets restless easily.

9. Budding film buff, faves include Kill Bill vol. 1&2, Her, Moonrise Kingdom, Gone Girl, Blue is the Warmest Color, Moonlight, & Mean Girls.

10. August's father is very engaged with politics and civil rights, so in honor of that, he decided that his son's middle name would belong to one of the greatest figures of the civil rights movement: Harriet Tubman.

11. Favorite new movie is The Favourite.

12. Due to a lack of acceptance of his full self and the full spectrum of his sexuality, he is judgemental of others and holds them to the same near-impossible standards he holds for himself.

13. Things he expects from others: To read his mind and conjure what he wants without saying, to have his needs and boundaries respected without actually stating so, for others to fit in whatever box he thinks they should be in, for everyone's intellect to be slightly lower than his own, but high enough not to annoy him with silly questions, ect.

14. Listens to Lorde, J. Cole, Rex Orange County, Frank Ocean, Lana Del Rey, Tyler the Creator, Young Thug and assorted film soundtracks.

15. Enjoys playing into his double-sided nature when it suits him, and has a secret glee in melding into different roles depending on who's around him.

16. Is attracted to more eccentric personalities in platonic and romantic relationships

17. Smokes weed to escape boredom. (and his problems)

18. Smokes weed because he likes the feeling.

19. Is secretly a little ratchet, but he'll kill you if you say so, it'll fuck up his reputation as the quasi-sociopathic erudite.

Magic House-Thoth

Augustine is a member of the Sacred House of Life, witches whose magic is passed down from the Egyptian Gods themselves. August himself is a descendant of an African slave-witch, once known as Ashe. She was taken to Egypt as a typical piece of cargo from zealot raiders, and was sentenced to a life of building the pyramids. Or so she would have thought: Thoth, the God of Magic and Knowledge, took pity upon her and beguiled her to follow an invisible force into the desert one night. He then revealed himself to her in his ibis-headed brilliance and bestowed upon her a set of choices: he could free her now and set her loose across the desert with all the things she would need for survival, or he could give her secrets and wisdoms unknown to man at the time, but she would have to frequently return to him for lessons. Ashe always prized knowledge and growth over any material thing, or even something such as freedom (I prefer to disagree myself). And secrets from a God must count for that much more, right? She indulged in option two. Thoth grinned and whispered to her the mysteries of life, the secrets of the stars, and the riddles of worlds lost and intangible, he spoke magick into her very soul. She would then use her newfound knowledge to fool her captors, freed any slave that would believe in her, and with her wits about them, guided them across the desert to build a library-like sanctuary, in honor of Thoth. The former slaves then learned from the god's teachings, passed through Ashe, and became witches and educators in their own right, and Ashe came to lead this new coven of magi. This is how the House of Thoth became to be.

Magick: As a member of house of Thoth, August has the ability to manipulate various aspects of the moon, writing, hieroglyphics, knowledge and sciences, and the progression of time. His particular specialty is the creation of Moon Dust, a substance used as a medium for most of his spells. By gathering various quantities of mineral, be it: crystal, rocks, pearls, aluminum, or even silvers and golds, he can channel his magic into them and break down and rearrange their atomic components into a corrosive, abrasive substance that also tends to stick to objects due to an electric charge. This dust is also dangerous to breathe in. He tends to carry around a pouch or two on his person, as trying to create some on the fly is nearly impossible given how much time and intricacy is needed to create the substance. (I mean, working with just a pile of plain old rocks would take a couple of hours to convert, let alone harder or more distilled substances.) Spells that he has mastered so far include...

Spell of Refraction: A spell in which the moondust bonds to whomever or whatever August desires (sans the harmful effects, it's enchanted in this state) and whatever is enveloped in dust turns invisible via light refraction.

Spell of Revelations: He can spread his moondust over an area and have the pieces cling to imprints of negative emotion or dark magick. A spell used for forensic work.

Spell of Retribution: An offensive spell that uses moondust to its fullest offensive powers and creates small funnels of dust to ravage the opponent. The largest funnel made could surround a fully grown man.

Golemancy: Can create golems out of the moon dust he has formed, usually no larger than a human toddler. They tend to take form roughly resembling lego-men (he was a big fan of the Lego Expanded Universe as a child), but one can easily be fooled by their size: each golem has the strength of three men, and can combine to further power themselves up.

There are a few spells that don't require the moon dust...

-The Veil: A surface-level illusion layered directly over the skin. This allows the caster to look like whatever he wants to look like and sound however he wants, but can be broken if struck with bad intentions (like a slap from an offended woman on the street)

-Somnus: A very old, yet practical spell. Also one that does not require moondust, this handy spell induces sleep. Those affected by this spell will not remember being forced to sleep, but they will have active and vivid dreams for distraction. Also necessary for Dream Diving.

-Dream Diving: A skill Augustine has yet to master, this allows the caster to astral project into one's consciousness for complete access to the afflicted parties mind, if the brain is distracted by dreams. August has gotten stuck in several public nude dreams, and it takes long hours to remove oneself from another's mind.

-Illusion Casting

-Temporary Madness Inducement

-Script Magick: By writing down a word or phrase on any surface that can be sufficiently marked on, whatever has been written manifests somehow, just so long as it is within his power. He can't create miracles with it though.

Top 10 Roadtrip Songs

Sobriety- Sza

No Role Moldelz-J. Cole

Sacrifices -Dreamville, assorted artists

Grown Up Fairy Tails- Chance the Rapper, Taylor Bennett

My Boy-Billie Eilish

U.N.I.T.Y.- Frank Ocean

West Coast: Lana Del Rey

Cruise Ship-Young Thug

400 Lux-Lorde

Let Em Know- Bryson Tiller

#writblur #oc #my writing #my ocs #iwrite

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hummingbird-operandi · 7 years

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Hey you lovely (mostly not but hey, we’ll include the spam bots as well) tumblr’rs!

Long time, I know. Things have been fucked intriguing trying --- they’ve just been; I find myself at the precipice of something new and with that comes another adjustment to how I present myself.

Too Long Don’t Care? Click the link above and follow me...or don’t. #Trigger Warning below. Nothing graphic (some burn blisters #scarification under Semi-Colon), but my life kinda requires it.

TLDR: I’m changing blogs and it’s going to have (but not be limited to) subjects like death, suicide, anxiety, depression, abuse, and other unpleasantness in the effort to broaden the discussion.

So those who know me--personally I mean--know that it is rare on a good day for me to be caught on camera; I have some pretty strong beliefs about what capturing someone’s likeness does post-mortem. Yet somehow;

I’m pretty sure the last time I was taking photos was when I took that one that’s my profile image...which was promptly after leaving the hospital for the second time around; ultimately they marked the beginning of this Los Angelean chapter. Two plus years can hardly be considered an era, yet something about the new dawn breaths fresh--hope isn’t at all the right word, (dash it from this glossary because I do not speak of such things) it is care.

Then I was Annabelle, bipolar, reclusive, smoker...

Now? Well now is both different shades of similarity and something completely new. In this new space (that from which I had come (it seems redundant, but it is not)) I have vastly expanded my understanding of my own my mind/condition. While my gender identity still plays a heavy role in it, I’ve found the term Genderfluid to be the easiest ‘title’ though in reality it’s still more complex.

3 people, 1 platform

I’m not entirely happy with my diagnosis but until my research pans out, i’m stuck with ‘almosts’...*deep inhale*.

So at all times there are three distinct consciousnesses in my brain and at any given time ONE of them has control. The GIF above--from Pixar’s Inside Out--pretty accurately describes when I’m conflicted in Democracy mode (I’ll get to that in a moment) all three have equal control and none (one) plays nice. This is different from ‘voices’ in that direct and instantaneous control is possible (as opposed to a suggestion aspect of control); but this also differs from Multiple/Distinct Personality Disorder in that there is no loss of consciousness...so that’s nice...I guess.

See, the fun thing about the movie is that Pixar personifies emotions and portrays how that affects and controls us...sadness makes us sad, anger makes us angry, etc. This is cute, and fun--in my ‘movie’ those three are each their own being, fully loaded with all the anger, sadness, jealousy, and fear to boot. I wish I could say that one hasn’t set up the other for failure [some call this self-sabotage, I call it pettiness over an argument (the ‘I’ that is writing this currently) won back in 2007 and ‘she’ still gets bitter about...even writing this is pissing me off.

Democracy mode! That’s new. For the majority of my life it has been one in the foreground, BURYING the others; when I had finally allowed ‘her’ to speak it felt like fire coming from my throat--that I had been locked away from childhood into my mid-twenties. My gender presentation had less to do with dysphoria and more with control--she had waited almost two decades watching the other two ruin this vessel.

The GIF above is quite suitable too. None of my ‘me’s’ have names, I just am who I am--but there is a distinct (younger male) [older male] and [female]; the ages are irrelevant (as they say age is) but it’s better to differentiate them that way as opposed to (weaker male) [stronger male] because that greatly underestimates (him). To put this realistically, there’s a lot of “YOU....He...she...we...us” and very little “well (he) said this, {she} disagrees” so narrating out my internal monologue can get a little confusing to read--I’ve lived with it (maybe think about having your siblings in your brain at all times and control over stuff...)

Where the fuck are you going with this?

I’ve learned that fascism doesn’t help anyone.

So I’ve let go (for some time now, but ultimately as well) with gender markers to differentiate when ‘she’ is me, those who know me (who quite frankly are the only ones of whom such a thing would even impact them) know how she carries myself; and she’s had to make a lot of compromises but cohesion is key. Hence--as you can see, having read thus far--the need for a re-birthing.

--------------Trigger Warning below : Scarification -----------------

Semi-Colon

Do you know about the Semicolon Project? No? What the fuck are you still doing here, nothing on this page is nearly as important as what’s HERE. [THIS LINK is a ‘TALK TO SOMEONE NOW’ page. Just one of many not nearly enough.]

It isn’t pretty...that whole night was a brutal rendition of the more poignant scene’s from Fight Club; I did quite literally punch the ever loving shit out of myself more than once. Aaaaaand this was the other outcome. I’ve long said, even though it offers me no peace:

[Self-harming] is a coping method. Is it a good one? Fuck no! But it’s strong. WAY strong. When chaos reigns over logic, when your darkness is quicker than you, when you’re so far shut down even feeling is unmanageable--it works. [S.T.O.P Techniques] {see here} are powerless to the unbridled force of ‘natural reaction’.

I really screwed this one up--it was meant to be more art piece than self-mutilation, but this night was a bad night. It healed okay, but the damage to the structure of the shape is noticeable. Regrettably so.

My semicolon is important to me; it is a constant ((sometimes through the darkness) daily) reminder of WHY I am alive; simply seeing it often can offer me a breath of consideration.

“It’s when an author could’ve chosen to end the sentence, but didn’t.”

So that brings me all the way back around to the beginning (of this post anyway); I grow tired of stagnation--and while the illusion of work (Fiction) was a nice distraction/stretch, I’m doing nothing but avoiding the necessity of work; nonfiction.

I’ve talked multiple times about writing more on the topic of death, the afterlife, depression, anxiety, abuse and so much more™...but rarely delivered. Another product of Annabelle’s indecision and avoidance...every time I got into something of value I’d let it rot; unchecked, unseen, uncaring.

^^^^^^^^

There’s always time to expand on all that. For now, either hit the follow button above, or don’t--this blog (Hummingbird-Operandi) is going to fall into beautiful disrepair; favoring this blog (JakFenchurch) to hideously bloom.

Sure the image is darker, grainier, and complex; but it’s truer.

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muggycuphead · 3 years

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TH!FPA_VB – Lord of Lies and Deceiving

Yo, been a while since I posted something on this account, but here we are, back at it again with a casual VB drawing like in good ol’ 2020

…Though, this time things got built on a different road of events as you can see, not to mention this is a spoiler to what’s to come for VB (but tbh I stopped caring at this point so yea)

First and for most however, there are quite a few questions surrounding this fic’s development I have to answer for our sake (mostly mine since I feel like mold spaghetti for not keeping up on things oml-)

Yes, I once said VB was on the way of getting completed and all that, I know

Problem is, the changes I want to do to the ‘lore’ (if you want to call it that way idk) are also retroactive to the events in the present timeline (aka past events that are mentioned but not entirely shown because ugh-), some characters that have some relevancy on the story but only come up at the very end chapters on VB itself, etc. etc. which are things that I personally find bothersome as its writer and the reason why I’d rather not make the ‘sequel-prequel’ of it where things get explained and all that

Instead, I’ll fuse both VB and TAF (the sequel-prequel’s name acronym standing for ‘The ‘ANOMALY’ files’ fyi) so it can focus on one party alone and I don’t waste any more time than what I already have done so (haha funny cuz me late to party amiriteeeimsorry-)

…And about the format for it, I’ve decided I’ll ‘upgrade’ it to a comic instead since y’know, I do art and it’ll also make my writing simpler so yea

Still tho, I’m kinda paranoic on if I should get going with the prologue by the time I finish its script or not since I don’t wanna make the plot a mess or leave things (important* things) unfolded by accident, but we’ll see how it goes (and hopefully I’ll make it out alive-)

Also, keep in mind that by the moment I’m writing this, I’m stuck in the Friday Night Fuc- I mean Funkin’ fandom, and y’all know what happens when the fandom switching happens…

My concept-creation-obssessive-self starts grinding gears like cuckoo -doesn’t mean I’ll abandon everyone else tho, it’s just that my focus splits on multiple parts and all that balloney

So, now that I did my little defense statement up there, let’s get rolling to the mainpoint down here

First, who’s this spider guy?

Well, he’s a ‘side’ antagonist, more specifically the person DPM is after (but doesn’t realize he is until very later)

His name is Q-Ross Sid, a ‘camel spider’ that lives in the Spider Kingdom as the royal executioner and prison head-guard/-caretaker

He’s what I’d consider to be an ‘anomaly’, since he’s a genetic fusion of graphite (20%), chalk (10%) and correcting fluid (70%), with the graphite being his ‘stabilizer’ component (osseous structure and skin/muscular tissue mostly) and the chalk his ‘cooler’ component (mostly on his defense and assimilation mechanism), not to mention he can only consume either correcting fluid matter derivatives…and/or ink matter derivatives, including living beings (mostly as an energy source and which his body somehow can partially convert into graphite)

…And by that fact alone you can tell that yes, he killed Isea -also known as Dizzy/Izzy Pants Girl (YESss I fINALLY GAVE HER A NICK ASDFGH-) in VB mostly due to her ‘special ability’ and stuff- by Queen Aris’ command. And yes, he can shapeshift, which explains why he got DPM to blame FPM for what happened, this that (but I think you might have figure it out already by the drawing alone so yea-)

However, although at first I thought his ability would be limited to mimick FPM’s appearance only, I now decided to amplify it a little, and instead he can shapeshift into any sketch/graphite-alike/related being, with FPM being his ‘link’ to them most of the time (stalkey tatics are not okey dokey my man but you do you I guess)

Though he can only shapeshift into stickfigs since he doesn’t have that much of ‘color filling’ for a human drawing itself (yeah ik they’re humanized in the story but things will make sense sooner or later I promise, for now just bear with me as we go on on this plz), and he cannot shapeshift into ink/liquid-alike/related beings because they’re not compatible and it’ll only lead him to corrupt his physical form –not meaning he can’t recover from it tho

But he can’t replicate them entirely, as his eyes and the ring are the two main red flags to spot him (but with some contact lenses and a little pocket, it can be fixed y’know-)

As for his robotic arm, it was after a fight that I’ll rather not explain due to not being that relevant; and even thought doctors refused to give him a prosthesis at first since he could simply let it rebuild naturally (yes he can regen too, but in a slower phase bc reasons), he got it anyways due to the fact limbs regen take way longer than physic injuries and/or internal damage (some even assumed that they probably wouldn’t actually regen anyway), which can be a bother on his job most of the time…and maybe out of spite too –he wanna look tough, yo-

Fun fact, during the hype I got from making this bad boi, I ended up attaching him to grandson’s song called ‘Blood/Water’ due to the lyrics kinda resembling his defamatory actions towards FPM (and also his wild and sometimes desperate hunger towards ink beings, yikes)

Second, what’s VB’s main plotline now and why did I expand it?

To resume it in the ‘signature phrase’ I made for the new version (which was also inspired on MARETU’s ‘Magical Doctor’ song –mandoilovethisvocaloidsongcomposerasdfgh)

**THIS WASN’T MEANT TO HAPPEN**

Venomous Bittersweet (which I’ll rename in the future due to the fusion with TAF) started off with a simple plot -FPM going on a mission for himself to get cured from a spider bite he got all of a sudden, but failing in the process (bc plot convenience idk) and CPG is the one who goes to his rescue instead while showing off the things she learned from him, this that, wholesome ending blah blah blah- you know the drill if you read it to end.

But by the moment I began making those little ‘inside stories’ –specially DPM’s backstory explaining why he became so reckless and outgoing- I started to extent myself on how things worked on this AU, even how drawings come to life (ik it’s weird but that’s how I though it to be so ff-), and by such I felt the urge to give almost everything a background story, such as Aris’ reason to kidnap and take control over FPM’s body and mind (and maybe his soul too oops-), the Spider Kingdom’s origin and even the portals and ‘reality deterioration’ in SFPA, passing by DPM’s origins and stuff.

And even if I felt like hitting walls and taking things a little too in-depth most times, I think it did bring some good things for the new plotline I’m going for now

So, in the new story, all the weird, whacky (and disturbing) things that happen after SFPA and during OG VB plotline came by what I’d express as some sort of ‘time-space anomaly’ that made everything slightly unstable on the ‘other side’ of the studio (I won’t explain too much my brain is about to boil rn so take that as you will for now tysm), having a passive (but not unnoticeable) effect on the sketchbooks.

I can’t give much context why, how or where did the anomaly came to be exactly (you can make theories if you like, I’d love to read them 4real <3), but it’s main purpose is to take control over all existing worlds just to corrupt them to its will, to the point there is basically nothing left but despair and desolation to which all entities will be forced to endure and all that edgy jazz.

…And by that, the ‘anomaly’ will create incompatible matter amalgams –ink and graphite being the most coming-to-mind example in the story so far- in order to conquer all the sketchbooks, but as a consequence of this ‘anomaly’s’ arise, new worlds came to be fully developed (in other words, they finally exist as a whole), and with that, new ‘heroes’ are brought into the situation, each representing a type of artistic material alone –watercolor, oil paint, etc-, heroes with which FPM will encounter and interact with, as he’ll also help them in how to use their abilities to fight the baddies and stuff.

And because we need conflict to make things interesting, Q-Ross and DPM indirectly (but kinda) ‘team up’ to fabricate fake evidence and such in order to mess with FPM’s reputation towards the heroes by incriminating him and/or even mislead his actions (confusing wrong by right and vice versa, etc.) (because ink man is salty and corrector ass is a dick by nature –ofc), and even ocassionally with Q-Ross starting the job, just to get DPM to finish it; and sometimes they get the aforesaid characters to hold grudges –if it comes to succeed, or instead making them get more on his side by the same feeling of doubt –if they mess up on something, no matter the size.

As about his sickness, well, it also got a little twist.

We know that new worlds and material compositions come with new squiggle types, and even if ‘dust-related’ types don’t affect him for too long –chalk being the closest example I can bring up-, liquid or clayish matters, such as oil and crayon squiggles respectively, are toxic towards him, so in the way the more he interacts with incompatible squiggles, the more harmed his health condition gets, to the point it grips into the weakest part of his body –his core (I’ll later explain this just…let me get this out first plz), which limits him on doing most things he’s used to do normally.

…And well, the spider bite (which is also an abnormal matter amalgam times two, though I’ll keep it secret for now) was the last nail in the coffin on fucking him up entirely to a new level of corruption (damn is that a stretch I’m seeing-)

Long story short, this was also because I wanted ArPM to have a backstory that’s more than just ‘I’m evil nao bc me get poisond and mindcontrold by spoders out of spite hahahaha-’

Third (and lastly), who’s Ahetzo exactly and what’s his main purpose on the story?

This is a short one

In case you didn’t see my tweet on my Twitter account (here a linkie), this is a side character I made that’s supposed to be some kind of ‘spirit’ or something alike who’s the one in charge of the studio while ya dev boi is gone

In other words, he’s basically like Brad’s subconscious self (IK YIKES- YOU CAN HIT ME WITH THE CHAIR NOW I WON’T MIND-)

…and even though he tried to keep the anomaly thing contained as long as he could while figuring out how to disarm it or at least neutralize it (yes it was there way before, like during fpaw3 events or before so because AU logic lol), the more he tried to condense it, the more it multiplied itself until, well, y’know, shit blew up and everything just sdfghjk’d

And yes, he was the one who released the new worlds to keep the crazy stuff at range, this that

Oml my brain-

And before I finish here, I’d like to make a little ‘self-critic’ regarding my artwork here…and I gotta say, I’m really proud of it on most parts

As I began to retake on digital art lately –mostly due to my slight entering onto the FNF/partially NG communities and other things, I’ve been testing out new techniques and stuffs on GIMP 2 with the ‘routes’ tool and all that (that’s also why it looks almost symmetrical, but don’t fool urself it did took its time-), I even corrected some of the lines to make them sharp and fancy (haha funi joek im so quirkee-)

In here, I wanted to try mixing both solid and blurry shadows as well as replicating a ‘crystalish’ effect –as seen on Q-Ross’ eyes- and some line effects with the ink tool such as the liquid dripping out of Q’s mouth (yes that correcting fluid saliva now stfu-) and the graphite/correctfluid webs coming out of his clawtips/fingertips

And though I haven’t made an official palette for him, I think the colors I picked here suit him well enough in my own idea of such

Overall, I had fun making this, and I love how it came out

Still though, any criticism, opinion and commentary is welcome, both about my art piece and my little showcase over here

That’s all I got for now, see you all later on

K bai-

#The Fancy Pants Adventures franchise (C) belongs to Brad Borne (DrNeroCF) on NewGrounds #FPAVB + Q-Ross Sid| Artwork (C) belong to me

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skunts-own-truth · 3 years

Text

I wanted to find a big list of philosophical questions to flesh out some of my characters a little better, but I liked them, and ended up wanting to answer them here! So here’s some:

Is free will real, or an illusion? - to me, free will is real, even if it turns out not to be. I believe it is real, I believe my actions are based on my own will, so I can’t accept anything other than the answer that my own free will does exist. If I were faced with something that proved otherwise, it wouldn’t bother me. I still feel like it’s real, and that is all that matters to me.

Is there a meaning of life? - a meaning of life to me implies a plan, and I don’t really truck with that. I believe people can have their own personal meanings, but there is no great cosmic meaning for our individual lives, or the lives of all of humanity as a whole. If the concept of a meaning matters to you, I think it’s up to the individual to make their own.

Where does the line between art and not art? - When someone loses their own will, or is hurt, in the pursuit of art. Being made uncomfortable is just fine, an emotional reaction is art. However, someone being harmed or forced into something just isn’t art to me.

What should be the goal of humanity? - the goal of humanity should be existence, in the most efficient and comfortable way to all. Coexisting with each other and the environment, expanding the length of human life, defying death for those who wish to live. Generally, existing as well as possible.

Does fate exist? - no, I can’t see something like fate existing. It’s kinda silly.

What does it mean to live a good life? - Oooh, that’s a fun one. As of right now, I don’t rightfully know. If I were to sum it down, I’d say living for the comfort and benefit of oneself and those around themselves. To exist without harming others, to leave the world better than when you found it even at the most minute level.

If someone you loved was killed in front of you, but someone created a perfect copy of them right down to the atomic level, would they be the same person, and would you love them just as much? - This is incredibly specific, and I don’t particularly like the “they were killed in front of you” bit, but okay, eh yeah, I think they’d be the same person. Would I love them just the same? I don’t know. I think I’d feel guilty somehow, but, I know the love would still be there. Listen, though, if the original person wasn’t killed in front of me and someone made a copy of them, yo, I’d just be like “can you make another? Haha.”

If you could become immortal on the condition that you would never be able to die for any reason, would you chose to be immortal? - Don’t see why not. I’d like to see it all, and take it all in.

How long will you be remembered after you die? - Right now? I’d say around 40 years at worst.

Will religion ever become obsolete? - Probably not, but I’d sure love to see it.

Is suffering a necessary part of the human condition? - Huh, you know, probably not. Though, I wouldn’t trade any of the suffering I’ve ever faced for positive memories. My trauma has made me who I am, and I am proud of who I am. Do I think people need to suffer to be good people? No. Do I think I would be worse without the suffering I’ve faced? Oh yes.

If freedom is simply doing what you want, is animals freer than humans? - I’m gonna ask my cat this question and give you my answer. I’m not entirely sure how to articulate this one, call me dumb, but no. I don’t think animals are freer than humans. Animals are caged by their daily struggle to survive. I don’t really like to compare a wild ass animal to a human, especially when talking about something like freedom. I believe a free community, safe and well tended, is free to live a better life than a lone wolf in the woods. That’s more free to me. Freedom to live well, freedom of choice, freedom of comfort, rather than the freedom to dig a hole in the woods without getting yelled at.

Would you like to know when and how you die before you do, also knowing you could never stop it? - Hell yeah, tell me all about it!

Is intelligence or wisdom more useful? - Both are useful, but I think well-earned wisdom is generally more useful on a day to day base. I’d say have both. Be smart, but know how to use that intelligence. Without wisdom, intelligence is wasted on bullshit.

Does absolute power corrupts absolutely? - I haven’t had absolute power, so it’s hard to say. I personally don’t like to give those folks in power the out, though. The question to me, sounds like a way to take the blame away from those who have chosen corruption. Maybe it is always corrupting, I don’t know, but if it is, I will still blame those who have been corrupted.

What would you genetically change about humans to make them a better species? - Oh, dang, it would have to be sturdier, self repairing brains. Keep them things trucking and going!

Does jealousy have value in the human condition? - Sure, don’t see why not. Moderate jealousy can drive someone to do better. Overwhelming love can be harmful, too little or too much of any sort of emotion can be harmful. Feel your feelings, use them, but don’t allow them to overtake you. They are yours, you are not their’s.

How conscious do you think animals are? - Depends on the animal. I’ve met some dogs who got nothing going on in their cute lil’ heads. Others, I’ve seen pure, analytical consciousness. You should meet my mom’s dog, Cleo. That pup can hold a grudge longer than a human.

Are there limits to human creativity? - I’d say so. The human mind does have limits, so it’s creativity must have limits as well.

If babies are innocent, why do adults cease to be innocent? - Context, perspective. Babies don’t know much’ah nothing, adult human beings know a lotta stuff. Babies don’t have much in the way of opinions.

Should we terraform planets if it would destroy undiscovered microbial alien life? - you kidding? Yeah. If we have a need to terraform a planet, then sure, burn some tiny rock bugs away.

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brain-system · 4 years

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inner world stuff

Been longing for a university life, so I decided “fuck it” and make it myself. I’ve been thinking of revamping the headspace into somewhere more comfortable anyway. Honestly, I thought it’d be much harder.

By default we meet in my dorm. Although there’s a problem I’ve come across that was also a problem in our old headspace- rooms are always the general layout of rooms we’re familiar with (bedroom, parent’s room, etc). Which is bad (at least for us) because we don’t want to reminded of our horrible home life in our comfort place. In our old headspace it was extra frustrating. Like, no, I don’t want to see my cousin’s backyard, I want to see a snowy mountain. Why is it so hard to shift a window to the left or expand the size of a room when I’ve literally added a whole ass college campus? The human mind will never cease to amaze frustrate me.

Although I miss having a control room. Having everyone start in MY dorm is kinda an invasion of privacy, y’know? I’m out of ideas at the moment.

Also, there’s a whole ass college campus with 6 people inhabiting it, so it’s very ominous and barren. But I don’t want to add NPCs since 1) Who KNOWS what would happen and 2) I’m not even sure if I can do it.

Remember when Malvolio (I think) said ne’d rather keep nir iron grip on reality more than having a headspace that feels real? Uh, yeah, about that... :/

Today I’ve been feeling horrible. I don’t think Malvolio refusing to look in mirrors was limited to nem. I refuse to look in a mirror because, simply, that’s not me. Even staring at my own face when my chromebook is dark disgusts me. I could go on and purposely talk about how much I hate the way I look but that’ll only do more harm.

All throughout my childhood I’ve went through phases where I’ve hated the way I look and then love the way I look an hour later. I used to think it “depended on my mood” but now that we know I’m a system that’s pretty sus

Anyway, back to inner worlds. As you can expect from a Left Brain, my creativity is not my strong suit. I’ve taken dorm posts from studyblr and references of colleges and frankensteined them together into what is our inner world’s university. But since apparently me and Right and gods, the only limit is our imagination. And what do I create? A fucking university.

Maybe we can create a castle or something. Add dragons and stuff. We’ve always wanted to fly, so how about something that includes flying with wings? A flying course or something? Hm.

changing the subject, I am curiously afraid (is that a oxymoron?) of acquiring a fictive in the system. Technically me and Right can be considered fictives, but in all honestly, we’re stretching. We cannot control which facets we acquire, so it’s only a matter of time. In all honesty, I’m surprised we don’t have one at this point.

I’ve been fronting all day. I miss having a sense of self. But alas, I will need to front tomorrow for homework. No biggie.

Sincerely,

Left Brain

#left txt

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outsidersunsets-blog · 7 years

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Trove Bot

{And not just the actual Alamo in Dallas, obviously, nonetheless the an individual I built-in a cleft between the two two eco-safe hillsides as annoying hovering pests what size Paul Reubens pestered me. Deserts cave straight into motherboardy scenery directly from Tron, tundra will give way to open seas where you can species of fish or steer a spead sail boat, to ensure that as with Minecraft, virtually every little it usually is farmed and useful for crafting. |{is the best recipe for every assorted cast. You battle and step your path using a dungeon, clear away the supervisor (which might be anything from a dragon accompanying a formless blob), and be sure to take its loot. Trove Cheat Engine Table may well be an MMOG, but almost all of their distribution are soloable, and supervisor will kill (and as a consequence confidential loot lowers and XP) depend in the event you just been in a further gamer undertaking the eliminating. 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