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604to647 · 4 months

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Birthday Present

1.3K / Javier Pena x fem!reader

Summary: Someone leaves you a birthday present on your desk.

Warnings: Angst, pining and yearning, but also some hurt, allusion to past relationship, allusions to smut, allusions to infidelity (possible/perceived? left ambiguous on purpose), reader is described as having hair that can be adorned with accessories, set in the Escobar seasons of Narcos (but which one/when is up to you), reader works at the embassy (my h/c is in Treasury because I only know how to write Finance girlies, but it's not important)

A/N: I've had a Javi P story swirling in my head for a long time, long before I even conceptualized Safest with You; but I'm fully committed to SwY right now, and don't think I have it in me to write another multi-chapter fic at the same time. So here is just a little angsty one shot of these two dummies; maybe one day I'll revisit and write the longer story for them that they deserve.

Multiple hands usher you to the office breakroom, where everyone from Treasury and several people from other embassy departments are waiting with a cake adorned with lit candles. Someone dims the lights and the crowd starts singing “Happy Birthday” to you as you smile and welcome their kind attention. After the candles are blown out and cake slices dispensed, you give your thanks after some small talk and leave most of the crowd to enjoy their midafternoon break. Making your way back to your desk carrying the paper plate with your generous slice of cake, you’re surprised to see a small black velvet box with a red bow sitting on top of your files. Momentarily confused, you have to think back to remember that it certainly hadn’t been there when you left for the break room earlier. You pick up the box and find it to be quite light; as you turn it over in your hands, you look around to see who it might be from. Unfortunately, most people are either still having cake or just returning to their desks as you have, so there's no one who would have been around to see who left it.

You sit down and open the box; inside, resting on the soft black fabric, are two matching metal hair clips, each with a small, delicate looking silver bird adorning its end. They’re beautiful and subtle, definitely something that would have caught your eye at an antique store – these were not purchased at any of the local souvenir stores near the embassy, that was for sure. Your knee jerk reaction is to think they’re from Javier. Among his many names of endearment for you, his favourite had been to call you his pretty bird.

But you weren’t his pretty bird anymore. No, you hold up one of the hand-crafted clips in your hand to admire it, these weren’t from Javi. He had no reason to give you a gift with such sentiment.

Not when he hadn’t spoken a word to you in the two months since he had broken your heart; not even a word that night you had silently pieced together the scene in his apartment with the beautiful half naked woman on his couch and him standing in the living room shirtless, his pants unbuttoned. You had apologized for interrupting before leaving your key to his apartment on the kitchen counter, then crying, made your way upstairs to ask the Murphys if you could use their phone to call a car.

You had felt so stupid. It was entirely your fault for letting Javi break your heart. You had heard all the whispered warnings around the office of Agent Javier Pena’s philandering ways; some shared as jovial gossip, but also some more bitter testimonials. But that hadn’t been the man who had helped translate your clumsy Spanish with the Columbian embassy staff. Or the one who had gently threaded his fingers through yours when unwinding from stressful days over long, lazy dinners. And it hadn’t been the man who had been too shy to cross the threshold of your apartment until you practically yanked him in and let him pull orgasm after orgasm from you until you nearly forgot your own name. So you had ignored the murmurs about his reputation, allowing what had to be hubris to think it wouldn’t apply to you. And you had fallen in love with Javier Pena. You fell head over heels for the puppy eyed, baritone voiced gruff who cared more deeply about his work and the innocent people of Columbia than anyone knew; who had a tender heart that hurt every time Escobar’s violence touched lives that he, Javi, could not save. With his words and his gentle and not so gentle touches, Javier had made you believe he had fallen in love with you too. In the end, it must have simply been another weapon in his arsenal of charm to keep his bed occupied and his roster of rotating paramours never ending. You had fallen for it, thinking you had somehow been special, when of course, you weren’t. Stupid.

No, Javi had no reason to think of you on your birthday. The gift wasn’t from him. But this certainty comes with another realization close on its heels: that despite everything, a small part of you wished it was.

---

Javi had waited patiently the entire day, peeking out the door of the DEA office he shared with Steve, down the hall to the big windows of the Treasury department to watch for when you would leave your desk. All day long, people came by to wish you happy birthday, and you had smiled sweetly at everyone and thanked them for their felicitations.

Never once did you look down the hall in his direction, but it had been months since you had done so. It used to be a secret ritual between the two of you; when the DEA would rush down this same hallway for a raid or mission, you would lock eyes with him and mouth words of encouragement, a simple “Be careful” or “Come back”, and him countering “Always” with a cocky smirk, but eyes filled with adoration. And he had kept that promise every time, always returning to you and proving his devotion over and over with his words, his hands, his mouth, his cock. Worshipping you, really. His pretty bird. The most perfect creature to have ever stepped foot in the US Embassy; sweet, smart, a force to be reckoned with, but most of all, kind, and by some miracle, you saw those same qualities in him. You made him feel like a better man that he was, and loved him for all that he strived to be. He had never wanted to be separated from you.

Now he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times you had addressed him directly in the last two months: once in a meeting and once while crossing paths in the Ambassador’s office - a polite nod followed by, “Agent.”

Agent.

As if you didn’t know his name.

As if you hadn’t cried it out over and over while writhing in pleasure beneath him.

As if you hadn’t whispered it following the three sweetest words he ever heard from you.

I love you, Javier.

I love you more, pretty bird.

And now it was “Agent”. Now you hated him. But he still loved you so, so much.

So he had waited until your entire department had left for birthday cake before slipping into the vacated room and leaving your present on your desk. He had seen the hair clips in the window of a little Columbian antique store while on a recon mission in a village outside of Bogota; thinking of you immediately when he saw them and how perfect they would look in your soft hair. He had bought them that day, but the box had been sitting in his desk ever since, waiting for a way to make it into your hands where it belonged.

He knew he couldn’t give them to you directly, he was still unable to face you; he had already seen devastation and hurt replace what used to be love and admiration in your eyes the night he didn't stop you from leaving his apartment, allowing you to think he had cheated on you. He was too much of a coward to face those same eyes now and what he might see: disappointment, hate. Impatiently, he hovers in the safety of his office doorway, waiting for you to discover your gift. When you do, he watches your face go from surprise, to thoughtful confusion, to delight as you admire the hair clips. Your eyes seem bright and a little bit sad as you examine the little bird decorating the barrette in the light. He breathes a little sigh of relief when you ultimately smile and put the dainty accessory away, slipping the gift box into your purse.

Javier hopes you love your present. He wishes he could help you attach the hair clips to your hair, but contents himself with knowing that when you wear them, you will be carrying his love with you, even if you don’t know it.

#javier peña #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #narcos #narcos fic #narcos fanfiction #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javier pena x f!reader #no y/n #angst #mutual pining

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isawken · 1 year

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disco elysium and transmasculinity:

i don't want to be this kind of animal anymore

there is no such thing as an inherently masculine trait, only those which we have culturally prescribed to be masculine. muscular, tall, strong, stoic. self-destructive. repressive. angry. unhinged. violent. addictive.

Disco Elysium markets itself with the tagline “what kind of cop are you?”. to put it bluntly: you get to choose what man you want to be. the actual gameplay mechanic is the game keeps track of your dialogue choices and, among other RPG things, neatly divvies them up into 4 main Cop Categories: Sorry Cop, Apocalypse Cop, Superstar Cop, Boring Cop. after some time establishing your identity you can branch off into 3 other copotypes: honor cop, art cop, and hobocop. These are all exactly what you think they would be.

a supremacist stands tall, immovable, shirtless, tattooed, in the way of one of your objectives, and if you let him he will tell you all the ways your body betrays your degeneracy. all the indulgences you make, with drugs and alcohol and sex, are allegedly clear as day written across your reddened swollen face. you are not a man. you are pathetic. a pair of women reassure his divine masculinity even when he admits his impotence. there’s no denying it: that’s one man of a man right there.

your former detective partner is an eternally scowling pockmark faced asshole. he approaches every interaction with you with a nice solid baseline of aggression. if you choose to put your points into something called “espirit de corps”, you get small vignettes of his previous actions. in one of them, it’s joked that you two are near-marital in your relationship. in some of them, he worries about you. muttering under his breath, mostly to himself, not unkindly. but he certainly never shows that to you face to face.

two old men play pétanque outside every day by the sea. they have done this for years. they have known each other since they were kids. one is a fascist, the other a democratic socialst. if you’re nosy, you can go to the watchman’s post and find a picture of him, his socialist buddy, and a young woman whose attentions they supposedly both vied for. if you decide to become a fascist, the game gives you something more. your abilities Pain Threshold, Composure, Endurance, Volition, Conceptualization, and Inland Empire take turns showing you tiny slices of a truth viciously stamped beneath the heel of his brilliant boot. a love for his dear hated socialist. and when he dies, that socialist tells you the same. but they never told each other. never even came close. because how could you?

harry dubois wakes up face down ass up covered in piss and vomit and full of foggy confusion after drinking himself into amnesia. he's tall, he's got giant arms, a proud beer gut, and he's self-destructed himself into literal oblivion. this pitiful bastard doesn't even remember his own name. the first person he encounters outside of the hotel room in which he fucked himself up beyond his limbic system’s reach tells him at some point during his bingeful weekend she heard him scream, "i dont want to be this kind of animal anymore". you don’t know why you said this. but after a while you have some pretty good guesses.

i could talk forever about the unique circumstances of growing up as a girl in modern western society. but i have nothing interesting to say that hasn't already been said much more eloquently. learning to hate my body, learning to be afraid, learning that you need to want to be consumed. the eternal unpacking of all the issues a patriarchal society burdens you with. it never ends. but i've at least reached a point where i've done my base legwork. i know the oppression i've fought. it is nameable. i have labeled each and every patriarchal burden like a so many papers in a filing cabinet. few are going in the shredder, but at least they're known. next to that filing cabinet, i have a big pile of loose papers slowly sliding off a desk with the word "masculinity" in neon lights flickering above them. i want to dive into those papers. but the thought of it fills me with such apprehension. i've always wanted masculinity. i've purposefully adopted affectations to make myself more stereotypically masculine. most are hilariously shallow, and not exactly innovative. i smoked camels for 8 years. i drink my coffee black. i picked up a nice little alcohol habit. i've shoved down more feelings than i would ever willingly admit in the hopes to appear unbothered. I’ve told myself to “man the fuck up” my fair share of times. none of it got rid of my hips or my tits or my anxiety or my painfully high pitched voice. i’ve quit smoking. i sometimes think i should start again for many reasons, but one is in the hope that my voice will drop. just one octave. at least. it’s silly, i know. believe me. i know.

when harry drags his sorry ass out of that hotel room, he isn't free of his past. he has shadows in his mind reminding him of the things he's forgotten. shadows that still influence his views of masculinity. there is no way to truly escape the bitter leaden paint stuck to the inside of your mind so violently applied by our beloved patriarchal society. there is a hilarious dialogue option where, if you so choose, you can proclaim that you would never let anyone androgynous touch your hair. because the “others” (unnamed) would laugh at you. here we have a man who cant remember his own name, but he is certain that he absolutely cannot under any circumstances have a non-manly haircut for fear of mockery and rejection by his peers. how many coats of that leadened paint must have adhered to his poor, poor limbic system that even when he’s forgotten the concept of money, he still knows about the boundaries of masculinity.

as harry tries to be a good person (or a fascist or a doom prophet or a disco superstar) he cannot really shake the pieces of himself that make him him. and he meets another bastion of masculinity, kim kitsuragi immeasurably measured, willful, and kind (for a cop), he helps you rediscover the world around you as you try to rewrite your tabula rasa'd self. he is firm, but nice. he lets you make your choices and mistakes. and he only stops supporting you when you start fucking up like, literally everything, and indulging in racism. naturally, there is a lot of fanart of them kissing, and yearning. both are beacons of masculinity, different sides of the same coin. where harry is physically imposing, kim is slight. where kim is calm cool and collected, harry will break down crying after a brief conversation with his necktie. but both are undeniably masculine. i mean, they’re cops after all. what more masculine profession is there?

as kind as kim is to you in your lowest possible state, it can be easy to overlook the ways in which he is not kind. when you tell him you think you really, seriously, need to go to the hospital, seriously kim i can't even remember my name i think i could have brain damage, kim responds with the equivalent of "walk it off" by encouraging you to start working on the case and see if that makes you feel better instead. it is in this light that you recognize which affectations of his are conscious posturing. his fitted jacket and trousers, matching the uniforms worn by air brigades in a past war. his careful collection of tools he keeps in his beloved kineema. his vast knowledge and care for the car itself. looked at in a certain different light- you know the one- you could see these traits being the result of a very careful construction. he found pieces of overt masculinity and decided to subsume them as a defense. a bolstering, a reinforcement of chosen masculinity.

there are so many different flavors of masculinity that the game offers you to experience and explore yourself. you decide whether to value them. you can follow in mister phenology’s footsteps and try to build yourself into a supremacist ideal. maybe that will make you happy. you can also chase after a barely-coded homosexual man, who makes you stutter in most available dialogue options. even if that may make you happy, you don’t get to pursue it. you can think for 20 hours about the "homosexual underground", but you can't join it yourself. you can however join fascism. interesting how harry is more susceptible to fascism than homosexuality. interesting to prod and poke at his masculine limits.

“what kind of cop are you” is a loaded question. harry is rebuilding himself from the ground up as a man. and how funny is it to learn that is inextricable from his profession.

what do you find inextricable from your gender? what of those traits make you happy? what of those traits make you want to throw your fucking shoe through a god damn window and punch the bathroom mirror and scream and scream and scream and scream?

i want to emerge from a hotel room, at my lowest point, and have the power to rebuild myself from scratch. i want a cool man who i maybe want to kiss guide me with a gentle yet firm hand. i want to have large arms, and a proud beer gut, and a stupid beard, and i want to destroy a hotel room and drink myself into a beautifully tragic state. i want to have non-political body hair. i want to get stared at for my gaudy tie and green snakeskin shoes instead of my tits. i want become a different kind of animal.

#this is very long and rambly and filled with half-finished thoughts #i will maybe one day come back to it and finish those thoughts #but i just wanted to put this out there. slide into my inbox if you also have transmasc feelings about disco elysium. i want to hear you #disco elysium #transmasc #transmasculinity #transgender

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germiyahu · 25 days

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Similarly to the "Jesus was Palestinian!" crowd, I find this phrasing (and I've seen it in so many fandoms and other contexts about portraying Bibical characters I'm not just picking on the thing that it's popular to critique right now):

Kind of annoying? Like "Middle Eastern Jewish" is baffling to me. Is it because the average person thinks Jews are white Americans and they need to specify Middle Eastern = Brown which isn't even always the case, especially when we decenter American conceptualizations of race. But it also very cleanly lops of Middle Eastern-ness, and therefore this implicit Person of Color-ness from Jews as a class?

Some Jews can be Middle Eastern, and therefore brown/indigenous/poc/valid/worthy of protection, but it's not automatic and it's certainly not universal, so any time a Jew is granted this special status it must be verbalized so as not to confuse people. They might think the Jew you're talking about is a colonizer otherwise!

Or is it a way to imply (if not outright say) that there has never been a Jewish state in the region? Any Jews from Jesus' time were just denizens of the Middle East broadly? They had no country of their own, they just existed nebulously scattered throughout among other tribes and tongues and nations? Like if the Hasmonean Dynasty ruled over a polity called Israel I would see how the average Tumblerino would obviously want to avoid alluding to that when talking about New Testament characters/historical figures. But it was called Judea, well Iudaea in Latin. Some Israelis refer to the Hebron region as Judea now but this is not something that most anti-Israel people on Tumblr know about. So it has to be an aversion to admitting that there was a Jewish state in the Levant no matter what it's name was?

And less than 2 centuries later the land was renamed Palestine anyway. They don't even call Biblical characters "Palestinian Jews," at best some people used to call Jesus a Palestinian Jew, but I don't even see that anymore really. He's just "Palestinian" now. So you can be ahistorical when it's Jesus but not for anyone else in these books? Why? What's the point? What's the story what's the vision?

I'm definitely reading too much into this specific post, the worms in my brain sing so sweetly to me, but when these spaces are filled with so much casual disregard and disinterest in Jewish people, their culture, their history, their rights, their dignity, their lives... well maybe it's time to stop just slapping on "JOOISH!" to get sjw points while you're canceling the thing that is cringe.

#antisemitism #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin critical #anti vivziepop #anti hazbin hotel

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ohbo-ohno · 5 months

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genuinely it feels so awful that so many cod voice actors are Zionists/support zionism, like at this point it feels like even basic human decency is too much to expect

and idk what with most of the actors sharing a face with their characters it feels hard to even enjoy them anymore

ahhh i see you saw the post elliot knight liked. tbh i think i lost the ability to be surprised at any public figure being a zionist after jordan peele, but it's never not disappointing

i just genuinely just can't conceptualize being a zionist at this point, with all the bombings and cruelty in Palestine being so easy to see. damn near every other video on my tiktok fyp is Palestinian people showing what's happening right now, i just don't understand how you can see entire city blocks leveled, parents wailing while holding their children's corpses, and still support israel. as much as there's a temptation to say "maybe they don't know-" about your fave celebs, there's no way they don't

#asks and answers #it's a good reality check on parasocial relationships tbh #a nice reminder that rich people will always fucking suck

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elhopper1sm · 5 months

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Overprotective!Jopper x Suicidal! GN Reader

TW: Angst. Like really angry. Mentions of self harm. Overprotectiveness to the max. General depression and self neglect. Binge drinking mention and substance use mention. Mentions of food and weight. Drunk driving(no one gets injured luckily)

Also use of the term honey as a nickname from both of them instead of y/n. Or both actually.

You started behaving strange. You were binge drinking more often. Not just a beer after work or something. But like really drinking a lot. You acted more reckless. You slept all day and got no sleep at night. You were easily angered. You felt guilty because you didn't understand why doing simple things around the house or asked to do simple things made you so angry. You would spend more time alone. Reading or just looking for excuses to work on the car alone. Things you once liked no longer bring you joy. Hopper would hug you when you came home from work but no reaction. Joyce would bury her face in your shoulder and showered your cheeks in kisses and you'd look at her stone-faced. You weren't sad. It was worse you were numb. Everyday dragged on and on. You stared at clocks waiting for it to be time for you to sleep. You felt almost alien. You couldn't stand the thought of food. There'd be times dinner would be served and you'd just stare at a full plate absolutely zombified unable to even conceptualize eating. Yet somehow you still gained weight. The only time you did eat it was junk. That was the only food that brought you joy. Eating a proper meal felt like torture. It got to the point. You wouldn't even sleep next to Joyce and Hopper. You'd sleep alone on the couch listening to the sound of the TV. That is if you even bothered to sleep at all. You acted fine. You tried to. Tried to smile at them. And act like you enjoyed hanging out with them. But you felt guilty you couldn't fake it anymore not for much longer. One night you went for a drive . Only problem is you were noticeably intoxicated. You went at night because you didn't want anyone else to get hurt. Just wanted to hurt yourself. You grabbed your jacket and it must've been two in the morning. You drove. As you drive around Hawkins Indiana. You were stopped by Officer Callahan

"Hello. Uh we're gonna have to ask you to step out of the car. We're gonna need to see one license and registration" Officer Callahan spoke

You stepped out of the car . Handed the officer your license. The second you step out the car Callahan notices you're wasted

" Oh Y/N Y/L/N. We're gonna have to take you to the station" Officer Callahan replies

On your way to the station. They discover this is your first offense. You don't have any history of bad driving or any serious misdemeanors.

" Is there anyone you'd like to call to come pick you up? Since you're clearly not capable of driving yourself back home" Office St. Louis asked

"My wife. Joyce Byers" You replied

As she buried her way there after hearing what happened. The second you got home her and Hopper chewed you out

" Honey. What the hell were you thinking? Drunk driving at 2 in the morning???? At this time of night when you can barely see. You could've gotten killed" Joyce screamed.

"Yeah I don't know what's gotten into you. Just last week you were yelling at us for hugging you. What the hell has gotten into you!" Hopper was even louder clearly very disappointed.

"Oh fuck off! And get off my case" You replied. You snarled as you spoke. You hated them. Not because they were bad to you. But because they were so wonderful. Because they're the only things keeping you alive. And you wanted to leave without feeling guilty. Because if you pushed them.away you'd have nothing to stay for and you wanted to go in peace. To pass away

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Joyce asked. Extremely concerned. She'd never seen you like this before.

You got anxious wondered if the kids could hear. You realized you needed to lower your voice as to not disrupt them. You didn't want to put them through that kind of pain you knew what it was like.

"Nothing. Can't I just make stupid decisions once in a while? Jeez get off my case. I'm not a toddler" You responded

"It's not about stupid decisions. You could've gotten someone killed. You could've gotten yourself killed. You could have died. Do you understand? Now tell us right now why you did it because we're not leaving you alone until you do. And its not like you can just drive off because your license has been confiscated by the Hawkins PD." Hopper demands an answer. Almost foaming at the mouth for one.

"Ok fine you wanna know. I was planning to die. Crash into something. That's why I went at the dead of night. Where no one else would be. So no one could see me. Maybe go into the next town over and crash my car so I could rest in Peace. So no one would no how bad I felt. I just wanted to feel peace. Ok? Are you happy now?" You tried to be mindful of raising your voice the kids were asleep and you didn't want to disturb them. But you felt frustrated and angry. You were already crying. And drunk so it's not like logic would get thru to you.

Joyce immediately wrapped her arms around you and held you. Running her fingers thru your hair.

"Honey is that true? Do you mean that?" Joyce asked as her voice trembled. She held you closer. Already crying

You felt guilty seeing her cry this is the opposite of what you wanted.

"Yeah it's true. I'm sorry. So so sorry. I didn't intend for this to happen. I just I felt so horrible. And now I feel even worse. You all loved me so much. And I destroyed it by being a prick" You kept talking feeling overwhelming guilt.

Hopper walked over to you and tried to get you to look at him. You'd been avoiding his gaze. He'd been crying. And he rarely ever cried. Not since he lost Sarah did he cry that intensely. And you hated yourself more than ever. You felt so upset. You made them cry. And what if your kids wake up? And you bring them into this mess as well. You failed and being a partner and a parent. And you failed at your own death. You're an idiot and everyone else is paying for it. You cried. Silently because you couldn't handle waking up the kids. You held onto both of them. And you were so irritable it hurt. You cling to the for safety and held them close.

"Honey do you wanna tell us how long you've felt like that?" Joyce asked.

"I guess a few months ago. I just don't remember what happened. I just remember feeling guilty and it ate me up inside. I got lazier and it felt harder to do anything. And I was angry at the both of you for being so sweet to me. I just...." You looked up at Hopper and Joyce and tried to avert your eyes away from their gaze.

Hopper wipes the tears away.... To face you again.

"Y/N why didn't you tell us?"Hopper asked

"I felt guilty. I didn't want you to care or stop me. I felt horrible. And like I wasn't supposed to be around. I don't know how" You kept clinging to both of them for warmth and they gave it to you.

"Honey. Did you do any reckless things before today like things we should know about" Joyce asked politely still holding onto you.

"I uh cut myself. All on my thighs. I didn't want anyone especially the kids to see. I didn't want to be worried. Also scratching my thighs until they bleed. I would reopen old wounds." You said to her you didn't wanna lie. You already felt guilty enough

Hopper looked extremely distraught as he looked closer at you. He saw you had serious eye bags and your teeth were yellowing. You were wearing a jacket even though it was hot in the room probably iron deficient

"Jeez how'd we not notice sooner. You've been drinking more. You've been acting reckless. You're getting like no sleep. You don't eat enough. Your teeth are yellowing. I'm sorry honey we didn't notice." Hopper grabs your hand and takes you to the bathroom.

Joyce Follows him. They scrub your hair clean and comb it. And condition it and use dry shampoo. They help you brush your teeth. They clean your cuts and wrap new bandages around you. Throughout the next few weeks They continue looking after you. Reminding you to brush your teeth. Or eat. Something. Bringing you snacks at work. And helping you get ready for bed. You feel like a toddler again but it feels nice. Being tended to and cared for. In some strange way you feel nice for the first time. They lock away anything sharp or potentially dangerous even forks. And they keep the alcohol in a special cabinet you can't access. They drive you to and from work since you've gotten your license suspended. They always make sure you sleep near the and make sure you sleep as much as you need. Even having you call out of work if they feel you haven't slept enough the night before. They make you breakfast and dinner and make adjustments to any meal they need to as long as you promise to eat something. And they offer to clean any new injuries you may have given yourself without judgement.

"Honey I hope you know that you're going to get better ok? We promise we'll make you better. It's just a matter of time. No one here is gonna hurt you. We promise" The both say in unison before kissing you on the cheek.

#stranger things #jopper x reader #joyce byer x reader #joyce x hopper #joyce byers x reader #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper #polyamory #poly x reader #tw sewerslide #tw sh related

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chaifootsteps · 9 months

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(Patreon anon) Here's the last of what I have of my QnA archive, I don't plan to repledge so cheers to whoever uses their money to snitch like me.

-HB season 1 takes place within one year

-Wally Wackford won't appear much in season 2 but will be important in the future.

-Vivzie would love more Wally merch but her merch lead doesn't feel confident in it selling well.

-Vivzie hasn't consider making pride merch because "It's the kind of thing that big corporations to try to appeal to a generation they're not normally involved in."

-Vivzie claims the whole show is a celebration of pride and doesn't feel the need to make pride merch but would be down to making if there's a demand for it. (With the amount of fan merch I've seen, there is)

-She claims to do general research for the HH character time period but doesn't integrate the history into their backstories as of now.

-Viv's open to oversea convention appearances and has been trying to get a booking agent to travel more for European conventions.

-Paimon's a big shapeshifter and is only an owl because that's what he needs to be.

-There was a time where Vivzie hated Zoophobia, saying if something doesn't work out, keep trying new projects that excite you.

-One hell year equals a lot of Earth years, so stolas existed well before 1985.

-Vivzie actually loves Mammon's design, she conceptualized it and had someone else finalize it. Sort of like how Oz was designed by someone on the team with Vivzie finalizing it.

-Vivzie wanted to show men can be abused too with Stolas

-Jeremy Jordan might join be cast by Vivzie since she knows him

-Stella may not want Stolas dead right away anymore, just at a later time. (This was asked pre-Western Energy)

-It's currently unclear when we'll get HH merch with their full series designs since they're owned by A24. (This was months before the recall of that Sir Pentious keychain that used the full series design)

-At the time, they were aiming for a three month wait period between HB episodes for season 2.

-Unlike HH, HB isn't considered a musical to Vivzie but will have elements to it in season 2.

-Vivzie doesn't remember what the golden feathers in epsiode 6 meant. Adam saids the artist come up with a bunch of ideas.

-Sinners technically don't need food and water to live, it's mostly out of habit and indulgence. Electronic sinners like Vox find a way through cartoon logic.

-Because of how long episode 8 was taking, Vivzie and Adam have started making HB comics of what happens between the episodes. They're still figuring it out with HH.

-If Oz ever met Valentino, he would hate him. The team jokes that Val would be very "notice me senpai" with him.

-Stolas is confirmed to be 8ft tall with Blitz at 5ft.

-Fights between an overlord and a goetia would barely happen so Vivzie wouldn't know which one would win.

-Tilla was removed as a sibling because Blitz's family was still in the early works, she's going to be renamed.

-Vivzie doesn't have a specific favorite villain archetypes, she enjoys ruthless mean girls and dramatic, and theatrical messed up villains like The Joker.

-Episode 6's collaboration was fun for Vivzie but complicated because she had to manage an entire second team, There were file issues and they had to go back and forth to make sure they were correct.

-Vivzie's interested in making more Zoophobia merch but doesn't wish to for other older projects. She mentions it'd be hard to convince her merch lead that anyone would want to buy anything from her older works.

-Stolas does have guilt with his affair and he has a lot of turmoil related to it.

-Leviathan will have a cameo in season 2

-Vivzie can't give specifics but Stolas doesn't have many friends who we might see them in the future. Stella has two friends who at the moment of that QnA don't have names.

-White marks on Imps are scars, and can be added for aesthetics (Unsure if she means design wise or in-universe cosmetics, possibly both with how Barbie looks)

-Stolas's job is to look into the skies of Earth and find prophecies in them and inform Hell of what's to come in the future, he doesn't do much other than that.

-Oz has a broad range of powers, there were too many to list in the timespan of the QnA.

-Octavia takes after Stolas in that she's socially unaware, Vivzie claims she also unaware of her parents's relationship because of Stolas trying hard to make it seem things are fine and does that to a "good extent".

-we'll see what Octavia and Stella's relationship is like later.

-Vivzie would like to release an artbook bigger than their con-exclusive one for HB after season 2 and when the team is free to organize the production art, she's unable to do one for HH at the moment.

-DHORK will return

-She's still figuring out the sins but don't want them to be fallen angels since it doesn't matter in HB, but it will for HH. So she wants to wait until HH to decide. (Possible they figured it out with HH season 1 done)

-She finds people saying the childhood friends trope with Stolitz being fanservice frustrating. (As seen with her recent rant of the overall story)

-Vivzie adopted Pixel a year and a half after she graduated SVA. She didn't explain how she got Honeybee and Nugget.

-full quote "There would be demons from the ring of Lust who would be asexual, and they will get to that in the future. But she generally imagines that lust demons wouldn't think it'd that much of a taboo. Lust demons would generally be confused by the concept, but they wouldn't have any hate.

Asmodeus would be an example of someone who wouldn't understand asexuality"

-She would like region-free dvds of HB but it would require re-negotiations with everyone who was involved with the show, if they do release it, it'll be difficult to make it region-free.

-Stolitz didn't interact at all between the 25 years apart.

-She put a lot of her life into Loo Loo Land, and yes...Viv's dad was openly horny in front of her and her sisters growing up, Viv found it funny but like I told Lemon...There was no mention of how her sisters felt about it.

-Viv put aspects of herself into Octavia but claims to not be a self-insert. Fizz has an aspect that is directly from Viv that we'll see in season 2 that she feels needs to be shown.

-HB was spun off because IMP was originally for HH, with Vivzie thinking they were better off as their own thing. HB's also about exploring Vivzie's hell like the demons that possess people.

-HB/HH was inspired by Batman and various musicals with the idea that she wanted a worlds with nothing but villains.

-The fan interpretations of Andrealphus were pretty close to what she's written for him.

-Vivzie's interpretation of Stolas's "I used to think that I was bold, I used to think that love was for fun" is meant that he's never gotten the chance to experience true love with him being gay and he had an arranged marriage.

-She wants Stolas and Stella's relationship to be something that's debated.

-The Von Eldritches will not appear in HH season 1

-question "How did Viv get to where she was? How did she get Hazbin and Helluva produced?"

answer: "She has reps who set her up with people very interested in her show. It was the producers who pitched their interest in her. This is what happened with Hazbin in that production companies showed what they would do for that show. When A24 showed interest in Hazbin, that's when she started pitching it to others (No mention of that those others are)"

-The certificate on Loona's adoption paper was signed by Beelzebub.

-HH will have the same level of NSFW and dark as HB is at the time of season 2's beginning, (I'm not sure why people are thinking it'll be even more if she has to obey S&P with a TV show) she admits to not having a good gauge of what's too extreme as she just does what she wants to do to tell her story. HH is new territory since it's more story based than HB.

-YT doesn't allow the use of the word "cunt" so Mammon will be heavily censored with the amount of time he saids it. There's also a scene in HB that a storyboard artist went too extreme on and Vivzie was afraid it would be rejected but turned out to be okay. (This ask was in September 2022, she didn't mention which scene but if I had to guess it might have been the dildo room)

-Oz is aware of Fizz being an imp, but Vivzie doesn't know if it's an open fact and she might use it as a story element someday.

-Rosie is an overlord, that's all Vivzie can say when asked what kind of demon she is.

-At the time Vivzie was still figuring out how time works in hell, Sinners are stuck at the age they died as while Hellborns do age.

-Stolas would have thought of Blitz a lot after their day together and has a problem separating fantasy from reality, Blitz would have never thought of him.

-Blitz's horse obsession started as an inside joke among the team

-Vivzie can't say if season 2 will have a Stolitz kiss

-Episode 6's collab started 4-5 months before the episode came out, There's no plans for season 2 to have one but Vivzie would love to do it again.

-When asked if any new characters will join IMP in season 2 Vivzie said "Not this season!"

-Stolas can transform into other things, but Vivzie is still deciding if it's something he can do on his own or needs the grimoire for it.

-Vivzie uses Google sheets to write and takes the complete draft to something called Final Draft to finish it

-That white cyclops guy that shows up in Cherri Bomb's segment of Addict is likely to change but that's all Vivzie can say.

-Striker was confirmed to be a hybrid hellborn.

-The client giving birth button in episode 1 was an oversight on Vivzie's part but did say that IMP had hellborn clients before

-Any remaining reveals of HH characters will be minor characters from the pilot, the final reveal will be a brand new character. (This was before the Adam reveal, so he could have been the final one)

-The thing about the sins being a pseudo-family with "nice and asshole" ones were accurate to what's been told to you, same with them technically being goetias, they're just in a different category.

-We'll see Oz and Mammon's relationship in the middle of season 2.

-A lot of material things have been made in the greed ring, it's very industrial, full of banks, smoggy and crime ridden like that was seen in the Chaz episode.

-HH and HB are planned out but said that there's "wiggle room' in that they figure out as the show goes by how they get to the events.

-Vivzie's still deciding what special powers Striker would have as a hybrid.

-If Vivzie had unlimited funds, she would love to make a movie for HH and HB and to speed up her production pipeline. she had issues in 2022 with her working more on HH.

-Claims that HH will definitely come out in 2023, but she also mentioned season 2 of HB will have a more consistent release schedule at the same time.

-Vivzie would like to make a height chart for the HB characters but claims the team doesn't need one because they know the size of them already.

> Vivzie hasn't consider making pride merch because "It's the kind of thing that big corporations to try to appeal to a generation they're not normally involved in."

Says Vivzie as she can't put out Sallie Mae merchandise fast enough, despite her having one speaking line and about five seconds of screen time.

> -HH and HB are planned out but said that there's "wiggle room' in that they figure out as the show goes by how they get to the events.

She's flip-flopped on how planned out the show is so many times it's not even funny anymore.

> Stolas does have guilt with his affair and he has a lot of turmoil related to it.

Figures this was before both scenes where he says he has zero guilt and would feel bad if he thought he did something wrong but doesn't.

> -Stolas would have thought of Blitz a lot after their day together and has a problem separating fantasy from reality, Blitz would have never thought of him.

What a fascinating character trait that we were all looking forward to seeing more of after Blitzo told him off in Ozzie's and popped his delusional bubble! What a shame it was downgraded to "Stolas, as always, did nothing wrong."

> -She wants Stolas and Stella's relationship to be something that's debated.

Liar.

> -She put a lot of her life into Loo Loo Land, and yes...Viv's dad was openly horny in front of her and her sisters growing up, Viv found it funny but like I told Lemon...There was no mention of how her sisters felt about it.

> -Vivzie doesn't remember what the golden feathers in epsiode 6 meant. Adam saids the artist come up with a bunch of ideas.

Remember when we all thought that was important? Oh Vivzie, you fucking hack.

Thank you so much for all of these, Patreon Anon. Hopefully someone else will step into your shoes but for now know that you're braver than any Marine.

#Anonymous #Helluva Boss #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critical #actual blog post #Patreon anon

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imagine-knb · 4 months

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KiriDai and Haizaki headcanons please. Their s/o has stopped by their practice, and a random teammate accidently discovers one of her sensitive spots; they poke a random spot on her back to get her attention and she barely holds back a moan within earshot of the boys (i hope that makes sense)

I didn't realize this until I'd already written the post, but I automatically used the term 'girlfriend' since you specify the s/o as being she/her. Hope that's okay! Admin Neon

Hanamiya

conceptually, he knows it's not his girlfriend's fault that his teammate just so happened to touch one of her more sensitive spots, but he can't help but call her out for it too

"Eh? What? I'm not enough for you? You gotta go get your rocks off with someone else now?"

the only way she knows that he's just being mean and teasing is the wicked grin he has on his face as she tells him it's not what it sounds like and she didn't even want his teammate to touch her where he did

Seto

there aren't many things that could rouse him from one of his before-practice naps, but this was certainly one of them

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

he knows he's intimidating when he's got that tired look in his eyes and he's well over the height of the person he's staring down, so he uses it to his advantage to scare off the teammate that just so happened to be unfortunate enough to touch his property girlfriend

Furuhashi

in the moment, he doesn't really do anything other than stare down both his girlfriend and his teammate, but he stares so much that his blank expression starts to make both of them uncomfortable

his girlfriend actually ends up being the one to apologize for the noise she made, but he ends up only quirking a brow at her — it's as much of a reaction as anyone gets out of him

"You have nothing to apologize for." he states, still staring his teammate down

Hara

he's actually more annoyed by it than he lets on, but you wouldn't be able to tell by the way he's teasingly grinning as he saunters over to his gf and teammate

"Oh, you found one of her sweet spots, but it's okay, I know where all the other ones are. Like here."

he'll purposely poke another another one of her sensitive spots — maybe if he's feeling cheeky, it'll be in a more intimate area — but something in the way he's grinning tells his teammate that if they touch you again, they'll die

Yamazaki

"Oi! Don't fucking touch her like that!"

he's really quick to shove his teammate out of the way; it doesn't really matter who it is because he should be the only one having her make noises like that

when his teammate finally saunters off, he's a bit red in the face from both his anger and the fact more people have heard what his girlfriend sounds like when she's touched somewhere sensitive; he's a bit upset it's not a secret anymore

Haizaki

his grin turns a bit lecherous when he hears the sound; it doesn't even really matter to him that it was someone else who pulled it from her lips

a younger Haizaki probably would have been irrationally pissed off, but now that he's older, he can tell when something has happened on accident — it makes him feel some kind of sense of power knowing he's the only one she'll make those noises for on purpose

"Oh? That's just one of her tame spots. Come on, guess again. I bet you can't guess which is her favorite."

#hanamiya #seto #furuhashi #hara #yamazaki #haizaki #kiridai

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 1 year

Text

Pit of vipers

The last thing Jin Guangyao expects to be greeted with the moment he arrives in Qinghe is three king cobras. Their bodies are risen halfway up, watching him descend Hensheng with narrowed pupils, neck flaps wide open and tongues hissing.

Their long, black, scaly bodies are adorned with contrasting, cream colored stripes - and Jin Guangyao would find them beautiful if he wasn't deathly afraid of them. There aren't many things he fears - his fears are conceptual most of the time. But snakes are very much real, and he is immensely uncomfortable being so close to them.

He even debates mounting his sword again just to gain a bit of a distance from the fast approaching reptiles.

But Nie Huaisang emerges from behind the ornate doors seconds before the three snakes charge - and what a happy coincidence it is that they are now retreating, Jin Guangyao thinks, relieved.

If he'd paid any attention to Nie Huaisang, he would have seen the glint of satisfaction in his eyes and his barely concealed smirk as he walked out. He would have also noticed that Nie Huaisang had emerged with a bit too perfect timing - which means he's been watching the scene unfold for a while before he intervened.

After all, there are no coincidences. Not in Qinghe, at least. Not anymore.

His tone gives nothing away but excitement. "San-ge! You've met my new pets!"

Jin Guangyao swallows, steadying his voice, eyes darting between the snakes and Nie Huaisang almost as if he feels threatened by both. "Pets?"

"Yes! Aren't they beautiful?"

Nie Huaisang waves his fingers and the three king cobras slither his way quickly, one sliding upwards to curl around his wrist, while the other two nuzzle into the ends of his robes.

It makes for a fearsome display, despite Nie Huaisang's easy smile. Jin Guangyao feels irrational - why is he so on edge all of a sudden? Huaisang would never allow his pets to hurt him, Huaisangs trusts and loves him. He has no reason for fear, his instincts are wrong.

They never are.

They are now.

"How did you come across these... pets, A-Sang?"

"I bought them, of course! Did you know there are snake merchants around? I didn't!"

Nie Huaisang continues rambling about his pets as he gestures Jin Guangyao to follow him inside. He hopes the snakes won't follow - but they do.

And much to Jin Guangyao's shock, the place is teeming with them. Dark, colorful, long, thick, scaly, smooth - they drag along the marble floors like ribbons over water, swirling in semicircular patterns as they move.

"Is it safe for you to have so many snakes, A-Sang? Aren't at least some of them... venomous?"

"Oh, they all are!" Nie Huaisang responds, cheerfully, "My head disciple wants to study their venom! For example, the venom of the most expensive snake I bought, the black mamba, kills by slowly paralysing the victim until it suffocates to death. Isn't that interesting?"

Jin Guangyao swallows hard. If he isn't careful, he might even...

"I also got a saw-scaled viper! It's this pretty, sand color, with brown spots on it. Apparently, one single bite can kill two people, and it bites multiple times!"

The childlike wonder and excitement in Nie Huaisang's voice raises goosebumps on Jin Guangyao's skin. This is nothing be so fascinated about, not with so many snakes lurking about, all of them equipped to kill.

"Even the three king cobras are venomous! One bite is enough to kill 11 people!"

Jin Guangyao watches his step even more than he did when he was a spy in the Wen ranks. At least you can see it coming when people attack you.

Well, most of the time anyway.

"They're all trained, though, don't worry!" Nie Huaisang adds, comfortingly, "They won't bite unless they're signaled to."

Somehow that does nothing to ease Jin Guangyao's worries.

They walk into the sect leader's quarters and sit for tea. There are no snakes in this room, Jin Guangyao notices, gratefully. Even the three king cobras have stayed behind, guarding the door.

"So, what did you need help with, A-Sa..."

A large, yellow snake slithers from somewhere in the far corner of the room, its back golden and its sides creamy white. Its body seems endless, thin at the head and growing thicker towards a tail that cannot be yet seen. Its eyes are red, glowing like rubies, head slightly raised to take in its surroundings.

"This one isn't venomous, San-ge! It's an anaconda. It's really friendly!"

Jin Guangyao watches, paralyzed, as the snake nears, until there is no more distance between them. It looks at Jin Guangyao curiously before slithering across his lap.

Nie Huaisang says something but Jin Guangyao cannot hear it.

The snakes slithers upwards, and Jin Guangyao begins to feel how heavy it actually is - and he knows it's not fat or bones. It's muscle.

"Anacondas are constrictor snakes." Jin Guangyao finally hears. "They kill by squeezing their prey to death."

If he paid attention, Jin Guangyao would notice Huaisang isn't smiling so happily anymore, eyes hooded with danger as his lips pull into a smile more venomous than the snakes in his palace. He too watches the anaconda as it curls loosely around Jin Guangyao's shoulders, dragging its weight over the man's frame.

Jin Guangyao can feel its breath, the coldness of its scales, the danger of being crushed to death.

"After the prey is dead, the anaconda swallows it whole."

Jin Guangyao's heart heart pumps desperately in his ears, adrenaline filling his veins.

The anaconda seems to have taken an interest in his throat and Jin Guangyao is done being brave. "Huaisang."

A dismissive wave. "Relax."

"But-"

Nie Huaisang's eyes gloss over, like a puppy that's just been kicked by its favorite human. "You don't trust me? You think I'd ever hurt you?"

"No, no, I don't... I do trust you..."

"Then relax! Take deep breaths and close your eyes. I'm right here."

The snake curls its head around Jin Guangyao's throat, and his eyelids flutter closed. He does trust Nie Huaisang, he has no reason not to.

He doesn't see Nie Huaisang's smile drop, and his eyes narrow with hatred, the grip on his fan cracking the delicate wood of the handle. He doesn't see the way he locks eyes with the snake, and the reptile awaits an order it appears all too eager to fulfill.

Most of all, he doesn't see himself, the snake around his throat in a perfectly straight line, the same way he cut into Nie Mingjue's neck and beheaded him.

Nie Huaisang waves his hand and the snake lets go.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #writing attempts #nhs #jgy

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volivolition · 2 months

Note

Any updates on all wip fics? and what is your ao3 username if you have one?

if you don't want to share any info, it's all good

i hope you know how hard i am YIPPEE-ing after getting this ask, I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY FIC WIPS!!!! YEAHGKJH!!!! <33 my AO3 is also volivolition, but i dont have anything posted there yet :]

TL;DR: I have 4+ WIPs im working on simultaneously: Unstoppable Force Kisses Immovable Object - A Voli/Echem enemies -> enemies with benefits -> friends with benefits -> lovers fic that started as PWP but whoops its not just smut anymore lmao? Meet the Parts that Make You - A "Kim introduced to the Skills" fic! Let's Make It (a) Home - A Skills fic showing the aftermath of the amnesia wiping out Harry's mindspace, with the Skills working together to rebuild it into a home during the Hanged Man case. Mostly domestic fluff. Swept Up in the Feeling - An Empathy-centric fic, originally an excuse to do Skill character studies. Empathy understanding each skill while they do activities together <3 (gained a plot. suddenly.)

ANYWAY!! more info, snippets and musings under the cut!

Unstoppable Forces Kisses Immovable Object Word Count: 18722 Rating: Explicit Okay, so technically this document isn't just one story. It's my catch-all "any Volistry writing goes HERE" containment zone. Like I said, this wasn't supposed to be anything big, I just wanted to write a bunch of drabbles and practice writing smut because I've never done that before. But then the drabbles started connecting to each other and Voli and Echem started falling in love without asking me and so it's like. A whole thing now lmao?

they bring me so much joy. they're so fun to write, because volition will say something so normal and echem will find some way to misconstrue it and volition will bicker and echem will flirt back and volition will sigh and they're so fucking funny to me. they just keep talking, their back-and-forth banter is so natural to write, which is why this fic is so long hkgjh

they learn to balance each other out!! i want them to be soft and witty with each other and i'll. cry about them. if you catch me at the right time i will wax poetic about their relationship but right now they're just being incoherently rotated in my brain.

anyway here's a snippet, i have so much written for this damn fic that i had trouble choosing lmao. it's like. mildly suggestive? but truly nothing blatant, just cutesy shit lmao

Meet the Parts that Make You Word Count: 3886 Rating: Mature This fic is the closest of the four to being abandoned lmao? Or at least I want to finish Swept Up before writing this one, because as it stands I feel like I can't grasp everyone's characters right without doing some character study beforehand. It might also be because I'm currently more obsessed with the Skills instead of the humans, though i still love them.

but yes! Meet the Parts that Make You is a fic after Martinaise, established relationship for KimHarry, where Kim is casually introduced to the skills over dinner, and they document their findings in Kim's notebook over the course of about a week. it's a lot of skills banter and silly moments!! harry can honestly say that every single part of him loves Kim.

here's where they're trying to show off each of their different specialties, featuring Reaction Speed and Hand/Eye Coordination who are my sillies.

Let's Make It (a) Home Word Count: 1896 Rating: Teen+ I think if I want to finish any fic first, I want it to be this one, because it really sets the scene for the rest of the universe of all my other fics. The main gist is that Perception can pull in anything that Harry's looking at into the mindspace, and once they figure this out, most of the skills go "Hey we should bring in more things so we can decorate!"

volition my friend and perpetual spoilsport :3 anyway, different skills affect the object's properties! Perception can pull things in, Interfacing can give it texture, Conceptualization can make it different colors and Reaction Speed can duplicate it. Empathy makes it so the object has the correct feelings attached to it (Dora's letter, for example) and Half Light can immediately destroy the object (Dora's letter, for example).

this fic is basically The Hanged Man case, but from the perspective of the Skills. i think it focuses on some specific skills, but maybe not all of them because I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter. maybe i'll smoosh some skills together? i love all of them and i want all of them to get some screen time, but it would wreck me lmao

i have a whole Volition scene written out and i think its so fucking gorgeous bro... i love writing. it's like... rebuilding after death, the skills have a kind of blank slate too, you know? they're learning to work together again, regaining memories, making new ones, making a home together. the way different skills need to work together to make an object in the mindspace real. I WANT THEM TO BE A HAPPY FAMILY. AUHG.

Swept Up in the Feeling Word Count: 5103 Rating: This is Mature. Except the Echem chapter. Which is Explicit.

EMPATHY MY FAVORITE SKILL. OUGH. EMPATHY. MY FRIEND. this fic is about Empathy getting roped into a bunch of shenanigans with the other skills, and goes along with it all while better understanding each of them.

so remember when i said I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter? yeah. that's because THIS is the story where i give each one of them an individual chapter.

24 chapters, one per each skill. Including, but not limited to:

Exercising with Physical Instrument!

Art time with Conceptualization!

Performance with Drama!

Listening to Encyclopedia infodump!

Reminiscing with Volition!! (THEY ARE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS!!!)

Staying up late with Endurance

"Overstimulated Skills Support Group" with Perception

Talking about understanding people vs understanding machines with Interfacing

Talking about understanding people vs understanding specific people with Esprit de Corps

Apologizing to Composure about making their life harder with UNNECESSARY FEELINGS ("as if we don't deal with enough of our own, you bring in other people's emotions for me to hide?" "why do we always need to hide them?" "BECAUSE... :| Just because.")

A Talk with Half Light.

Y'know... with Electrochemistry (there's more to it than just that though lmao)

This fic will be the death of me, with all the skills, but I really really want to do skill character studies. I need to research their lines on Fayde and understand each of them so I can write all of them better.

This is also so I can be obsessed with each of them. Currently I have a lot of faves, but I don't care about all of them yet when i WANT TO!! i want to know each of them intrinsically!! I wrote a bit of the Endurance chapter and I didn't use to care for him very much, but then I wrote the lines

"Endurance is not tired; he can't afford to be. Not when everyone else is. He would stand before any of them, from the first intellect to the last motoric, in order to take a blow meant for someone frailer, less capable of surviving it. He will endure it instead."

and now I'm sympathetic to him. like, ough. If I understand them, then I learn to love them, and that's also why I'm writing it from Empathy's perspective! Empathy feels what other the other skills feel and does bonding activities with them with similar feelings, does that make sense? i really want to learn characterization for each of them, this fic truly is just an excuse for me to do character studies so i know all their character motivations.

BUT. it also has backstory plot now that im invested in lmao? based off of character design that i have. I STILL NEED TO POST MY SKILL REFS. RAUGH. but yeah all of my stories get too big for me really, i always bite off more than i can chew for projects like this lmao.

Other Fics: Skill Body Swap Fic! its shoved into Unstoppable Force's document for the time being, since this is mostly an excuse for Volition/Echem swap (Echem's body is ~sensitive~ if you're not used to it and i love putting voli through Situations. meanwhile Volition's body has the morale health pool in it that echem has to take care of), and ive only written that specific swap, but i think it'd be cool if i swapped EVERY SKILL.

Logic and Drama would be funny hkjgh Drama would 1) immediately slot into the new role and be extremely good at pretending nothing is wrong. What do you mean, he hasn't switched bodies with anyone? That's highly improbable. 2) love saying lies as if they were appropriate conclusions, and actual Logic would be like "That's literally wrong. Stop that."

Empathy and Composure would be interesting! Empathy's body is constantly picking up on everyone's emotions, and also is always on the brink of tears. Composure's body is not made to experience the same emotions, much less the emotions of others. Empathy's cut off from feeling and Composure is struggling not to fucking cry, poor guy.

Shivers and anyone? I just think Shivers should be small and worried about her connection to Revachol. and some other skill is just like "WHY IS THIS SO OVERWHELMING. HELLO??"

i dont know, theres a lot of ways i could go with this, i'll figure it out lmao. if anyone has suggestions for interesting/funny swaps and is even reading this far, let me know

The Sunrise Momentum. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DONT WRITE THIS FIC. I NEED TO FUCKING WRITE THIS. Volition's vow with Harry that i cry about once per day. VOLITION IS TO HARRY AS HARRY IS TO REVACHOL. AUGH. "I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I will keep you on this earth." my knight in lavender armor i am OBSESSED WITH YOUUUU!! *vibrates at high velocity*

okay that's about it, thanks for reading my RAMBLES!!

#inland drabbles #volta transmissions #BIG OL POST!! i love talking about my wips. i have so much to say #sorry this took a bit to compile. every time i checked word counts i added a little more to each story and had to keep updating word counts #ad infinitum forever hkgjh I JUST ADDED 500 MORE WORDS TO SWEPT UP JUST NOW WHILE UPDATING IT!! FUCK!!!#sorry this drama chapter is really fun hkjgh ANYWAY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!! ASK AGAIN ANYTIME <33 #it will be shorter next time i promise. probably. lmao??#task: unstoppable force #task: meet the parts #task: let's make it a home #task: swept up #task: sunrise momentum

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nicohverse · 5 months

Text

Little Lion, Baby Bea...

(Art by @kiwifie !)

Who's curious about this sweetheart? This cute lion has been the topic of lots of discussion lately- For somebody with so little going on in her head, she sure is mysterious! And what little she does have going on in her head is wonderful- It's not a pejorative, the girl's genuinely been lobotomized. Luckily, it's not quite as bad as it sounds- She was pretty airheaded to begin with. The part of her brain she lost made it so she can't do magic to hide her animal features, and gave her a lot of cognitive difficulties.

"It's like... There's these things I know I knew how to do. And I don't know it at all anymore. I can't get it back. Even if I try to learn it again. It's scary... Like being trapped in a box, but the box has windows."

A girl who's new to adulthood and trying hard to assert her ability to be one in the face of her struggles, Bea might be cute and small, but she certainly won't tolerate being infantilized. She's living with a great caretaker who never underestimates or overestimates her ability- She's accommodated without being condescended to, and wants to reclaim sweetness and enthusiasm for herself while asserting her autonomy!

Some of Bea's struggles are pretty personal to me- About a year ago, I was still recovering from a lot. I'd only left an unsafe-for-me work environment a few months prior, hadn't yet hit a full year since 'recovering' from a covid infection that added to the workplace's exacerbation of my health conditions... I spent quite a while in an incredibly difficult cognitive space, actively fighting against brainfog...

Some stuff I haven't really talked about to anybody before- I could hardly make my brain remember anything I'd learned in college that hadn't been applied on the job since then. It was frightening and embarrassing to be without the information I spent so much time and money on. A lot of things I 'knew how to do' became muscle memory only- I could do them when I was doing them, but couldn't conceptualize how to do them if I sat down and thought about it. I'd find thoughts about things like solving a math problem would get stuck in my brain on loop without either progressing to the next step or going away. It was so difficult to deal with that I just about gave up on ever getting another job that utilized my mental skills without associating gross-motor movements.

But now, I'm better enough that I'm looking into getting more applicable credentials in my field, applying to data entry and medical record jobs again after recently losing my position as an art studio assistant. (Though worry not- All funds given to EF2 will be used for EF2) And better enough to be processing those feelings through Bea- A character who's incredibly precious to me. She's never going to 'get better' the same way I have- Instead, she's going to be a conduit for the idea that even if I hadn't recovered, I still would have found some kind of success. One of the many things Entropic Float is and always will be about is autonomy for the disabled community, to every possible degree that I have time in my life to portray.

If you want to help me portray that, and avoid reaching into my own recently-unemployed pockets to make Entropic Float 2 the best game it can be, the best property for Bea to find her joy in, consider supporting our stretch goals.

#cripplepunk #disability rights #disability pride #cognitive disability #visual novel #visual novel gamedev #gamedev #indie games #official content #indie gamedev #vndev #entropic float #entropic float 2: land of the witch #bea gumie

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ganymedesclock · 1 year

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I feel like every genre has potential interesting intersections with others.

An example: I think fairytale logic and the cosmic horror genre can interplay interestingly.

The thing about fairytales, is that doing the right thing produces consistent results. This makes sense when many of the widely known adaptations have a deliberate moral. But it isn't just a moral teaching.

If a hero has a shining sword that can vanquish any evil, he is going to beat the dragon. The text of this is generally somewhat anticlimactic; it is a foregone conclusion. The properties of the sword are the instruction to fulfillment. You received it from the witch in the forest, washed it in the fairies' spring, and you paid respects for it by the mulberry tree in the middle of the wasteland; you are going to succeed. As surely as objects fall to the earth according to their weight, as surely as the planets go around the sun.

But this is not usually limited to the heroes. Fairytales are often about very specific instructions. The world is governed by rules. Those rules weren't made with your comfort and reassurance as their primary goal. You can sell your tongue to the sea witch for a chance to be with the man you love. Only a chance. And the price for the way back is his heart, if he won't give it to you willingly. You can have the child you desperately wanted... but if you try to have two, one of those children will bear the weight of your selfish greed.

The cosmic horror genre is a genre about reckoning with the void. There is nothing out there. Or if there is something there, it does not personally love you. We, Earth, are not the center of reality. We may be fleas clinging for our lives on the back of larger animals that don't care if we live or die.

So... if you combine those together, in my thinking, it goes something like this.

The rules exist. They may have been written by Something Beyond. They may simply be True. But regardless, they are Rules. They are rules, and they do not actively stop you from breaking them, but there will always be a price to pay. For you. For an ant. For the cosmic thing above.

A great example of this, IMO, is in Terry Pratchett's The Wee Free Men where the fairy queen turns into a monster whale from a story Tiffany knows to chase her. But Tiffany argues that this actually limits the queen- because in the story, the whale is always chasing the sailor. So if the sailor flees, the queen must chase him, or else she is not the whale anymore, and loses its power.

It's a conceptual knot of the idea that the universe is fundamentally fair. Not in a way that was designed for us- because there is so much more than us out there, and that wouldn't 'truly be fair' to everything else, but in that it is unrelentingly evenhanded.

Some things are simply True. They can level kingdoms, dry seas, drown deserts, fling planets off their axis into the void, and we, in the dark, tap our fingers along their edges to find the shape of them.

#writing ruminations #long post

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 7 months

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Hello, I don't mean to intrude but I am sooo lost and I wish somebody could help me

So, thing is that I was so sure to be aroace, I'm 20-something and never had a crush and never felt those types of attraction

But recently I met a girl and I was so sure it was intense aesthetic and platonic attraction but it got confused. I dreamed of kissing her, more than one time, and I kinda appreciated it ?..

I never imagined or wanted to kiss someone in real life (got a related trauma) and then those dreams happened and I don't know if it counts. I'm not sure of where am I in the aromantic spectrum anymore

To ask this in a simpler way, fellas is it still aromantic to dream of kissing irl people ? 😭

Kissing is interesting because it can be so many things, and different people conceptualize kissing differently. So it can be romantic, it can be sensual and it can be platonic, what matters is what kissing feels like to you.

One thing that can help is if it was a sign of romantic feelings, there will usually be other romantic feelings that go along with it, so a desire to be in romantic scenarios, do romantic coded things, be in a relationship defined as romantic, etc. If these things aren't present than more likely it was either platonic or sensual.

Another thing that can help is trying to be neutral in figuring it out. So a lot of the time what makes it hard to determine if what you're feeling is romantic or not is that you really want it to be one or the other, do your best to be OK with whatever the answer is. Remember if you do determine that you are having some romantic feelings, that doesn't mean you have to upend your entire identity, sometimes aros will get these small romantic hiccups but they don't really mean anything. Or will experience romantic attraction rarely. Both are still on the aromantic spectrum though.

Remember too that sometimes interpreting feelings can be a bit subjective, so don't feel like there's an objective truth you have to find and have to be 100% sure about. If how you interpret things makes sense to you and functionally works for you (if that makes sense), then you're good.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

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in-omni-scientia · 3 months

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Do you blue skills have specific activities to bond with each other? Other than arguing.

Of course we do, what sort of a question IS this? You've practically only seen our arguments -- we have plenty of other ways to get along, and *do*. Let's see here...

Personally, I can enjoy a nice, fun game of Scrabble with others here. The only issue is, Conceptualization tends to try to make up their own words to use. Then, when I try to tell them that the words have to be *in the dictionary*, Rhetoric comes in and starts using my own prattling on the roots of different parts of whatever word Conceptualization made up to try and say they'd be *justified*. It always turns into a big argument and honestly I'm just not prepared for that sort of thing. I'd rather play with Empathy; he's always a good games partner to me. Also, I think Drama ate most of the pieces, so we can't play anymore because of that, too. I am very annoyed about that.

Mh. Okay, maybe that one wasn't a great example to start off with. How about this one? Conceptualization and Drama actually had a little thing going briefly where they would organise plays together! Occasionally got me and Visual Calculus involved as well for some extra hands; I could talk at length about ideas for set pieces, Visual Calculus organising the lights... it was fun. Anyways, that didn't last though since they separated due to. Ah. "Creative differences". I understand it was a rather explosive argument, from what I gathered talking to them. When I consulted Conceptualization on the matter, he responded, and I quote: "That intransigent vexing little self-wank-fest of a fucking ball of gloop can't even *hold* a pen let alone understand the nuanced symbolism inherent to all media, they don't even fucking understand basic media literacy God help us all, their ability to write romance is surface-level at best and[...]". You can only imagine how long that continued on for. Anyways, when I asked Drama, all they did was think for a moment before allowing a wry smile to ripple over a great many of their faces, and saying: "Their writing was sub-par and their costuming was ill-fitting". So.

...Aaaalright, not *that* one either. Here, something much simpler, then. I can enjoy a good crossword every now and then, and Logic a Kakuro puzzle (though he much prefers Heyawake and Killer Sudoku), so he suggested collaborating on a neat step up from these, the cross-figure. Well, we *attempted* to collaborate -- I found myself only useful on general knowledge questions, which did not appear often as they are considered beginner, and Logic found beginner puzzles far too easy. So then we tried cryptic crosswords, which I did not find myself very useful in either, since while I may possess plenty of knowledge I don't have the logical capabilities to know when a clue could be referring to that. Then we hopped around cipher and fill-in crosswords, which turned out even *worse*. It culminated in a minor dispute between us where I claimed Logic was only prioritizing his *own* fun, which he argued to be untrue. Not really a fault on his part, in hindsight, and only heated on *my* end as a result of my own feeling of inefficacy... ultimately we agreed to be contented with doing our own puzzles, for now. (Well, aside from Heyawake. I'm *smashing* Heyawake.) Now it's mostly just Visual Calculus arguing with Logic to let *him* do the Kakuro in the fortnightly logic puzzle magazine for once.

Huh. Well, this one's *bound* to be a good example. At one point, Conceptualization was making little locked-room-style mysteries for Logic and Visual Calculus to solve. Full-size rooms they could walk around in -- it was quite impressive to watch them work. Didn't ever take them too long to solve them, but still. It was nice seeing something Conceptualization had asked me about crop up there. *Then* they started writing little honkaku-style mysteries for them, too, to see how fast they could figure out the solution to the crime before the end of the story. By my recommendation, obviously; I thought they would appreciate the rational, chess-like approach to mystery, compared to thriller novels which may not adhere to Van Dine's Commandments as strictly. Conceptualization appreciated it, too; "none of that hard-boiled crap, it's all shit" they said. I think they liked the digressions into criticism of the detective genre as a whole and fourth-wall breaking; Logic liked *all* the pieces being perfectly available and within grasp for a shrewd reader, Visual Calculus liked the heavy use of diagrams and such. Whenever Conceptualization didn't turn one of these diagrams into a three-dimensional playset, Visual Calculus was doing that. Anyways, the dear art snob never could quite seem to get the upper hand in their writing -- the pair were *unstoppable* in their natural disposal towards ratiocination. That is, until it started to get... rather strange. More and more the story would divagate into long-winded social commentary that served no purpose for the narrative (*not* a hallmark of honkaku, mind you), would make the solution increasingly convoluted (Rube Goldberg-type machines aren't out of place in honkaku, but they were getting quite far beyond the reasonable suspension of disbelief for a story within the detective genre), introduce irrational narrative elements such as supernatural phenomena (*also* not a hallmark of honkaku, though can and does crop up in shin honkaku -- I regret convincing the pair to continue giving Conceptualization a chance. The opportunity to grant them knowledge was not worth it, in the end. Come to think of it, that's happened *more* than once, hasn't it? Thinking back to the Moray Eel Incident... mmh). And, well, in hindsight it was an inevitability... but it all came to a boiling point when one such mystery, giving Logic and Visual Calculus quite a lot of grief, concluded *not* with a proper solution, but with a plain metaphor for-- love or capitalism or something ridiculous like that, I don't try to actively remember. The ensuing argument somehow had Logic and Visual Calculus turning against one another, too, despite the fact they were both on the *same side*. Probably had something to do with Drama being their throwing stones, as per usual. And Rhetoric, arguing whatever side they thought would inflame everyone else the most. Also, I was there too. Also, I was turning against Logic and Visual Calculus despite being on *their* side as well. Also, it was Drama and Rhetoric's fault as well. Damn those two. Embarrassing for me... anyways, we're not allowed to write our own mysteries anymore because Harry nearly had a stroke and died.

...

Ah. Maybe *quite a lot* of our pastimes do involve arguing after all.

Perhaps I should stick to who I have already established myself as being able to get along with...

#contains: txt #author/s: me #contains: answers #skillsposting #long post #ooc I am so sorry everyone #didn't expect it to be this long. well. kind of did. but also didn't. uhm #also I hope I didn't get anyone *too* OOC here? v tired right now it's 3am #that's also my excuse if i got any of this information wrong. ESP the bit on puzzles. im so sorry if anything here doesnt add up ves. frown #going to bed lol

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