#and hearing his final log entry may have caused me an emotion

[tatzelwyrm]

Picking up Bode's memories/Force Echoes during post-game exploration and hearing him practice the lines he was planning to feed Cal and musing on how he was going to exploit Cal's feelings for Merrin to manipulate him is downright creepy and an excellent use of post-game gameplay and I appreciate it a lot.

#bode is going to keep haunting me #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #bode akuna #i also didn't pick up cordova's lightsaber until i finished the story #and hearing his final log entry may have caused me an emotion

[anyarally]

Logan Meets a Mer

Sanders Sides Fanfiction Virgil X Logan (Analogical) 3,133 Words   Ao3 Link

Logan was out on the sea yet again, dragged along with Roman and his self-proclaimed ‘merry crew’. He usually stuck to the lower decks, at his desk trying to study and write about any new findings he procured on these trips, but Roman called him and Remus, his co-captain and twin brother, up to the upper deck for a ‘bffs meeting’ as Remus called them. Or, you know, a top-secret meeting for the higher ranks, but tomato tomato. Little did he know he'd see something unbelievable that day.

Logan was out on the sea yet again, dragged along with Roman and his self-proclaimed ‘merry crew’. He usually stuck to the lower decks, at his desk trying to study and write about any new findings he procured on these trips, but Roman called him and Remus, his co-captain and twin brother, up to the upper deck for a ‘bffs meeting’ as Remus called them. Or, you know, a top-secret meeting for the higher ranks, but tomato tomato.

Logan sighed, putting a ribbon in his journal and his quill in his ink jar and going upstairs to where Roman and Remus were.

“Sir, this really isn’t a great time, I was about to-“

“Specs! How many times do I have to tell you now to call us sir! We think of you as an equal.”

“Yeah Logie-bear! Just because we’re captains and you’re not and we’re cool and you’re lame doesn’t mean we’re better than you!”

“Well, sirs,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “maybe if either of you simply called me my name, I wouldn’t be so inclined to not call you yours either.”

Roman loudly clapped his hands together, “Anyway! I have some very important and top-secret news for you all!”

“We have some top-secret news for you all! Jesus, Roman!”

Logan cleared his throat, “First of all, if both of you knew it shouldn’t be ‘you all’. Secondly, could you two please just tell me?”

“God, Logan, you’re no fun! Whatever,” Remus led the way to the back of the upper deck, pulling back a curtain to something Logan had never seen before. And that was saying something.

Logan looked up, mouth agape, at a merman. He always assumed they were just legend, he could barely believe his eyes. He slowly walked up to him, but when the merman started hissing he stopped advancing. The merman had short shoddily cut hair, giant pointy teeth, beautiful dark scales that shined purple in the light, left eye purple, right eye green, and scales on his face, specifically under his eyes.

“I, erm, you’re… magnificent.” Logan gaped, looking up at the mer.

The mer only hissed again, but if Logan hadn’t been so flustered himself he would’ve noticed the red forming on the fleshy parts of his face. Then, suddenly, the beautiful creature screamed .

A demonic double voice emanates from the beautiful beast, causing Logan, Roman, and Remus to hurriedly cover their ears. Eventually, it got high enough to break a glass mug, and then the mer took a break to breathe some.

Once he was done, Remus took down the net and looked at the two agape men, “Let’s get him downstairs. We don’t want the rest of the crew to see him.”

Logan and Roman nodded, finally broken from the trance, and helped Remus carry the now exhausted mer.

They laid him down in the tub for now, and Roman and Remus left, leaving Logan to watch him.

Logan scanned over the beautiful creature with his eyes, noticing his chest moving up and down. He has lungs. Good. He gently brushed his fingers against his tail, noticing the scales don’t feel… healthy. If he had been with the brothers when they caught the merman, he would’ve thrown him right back overboard. It’s dangerous and harmful to keep native sea life for too long, even though Logan wanted to study it far more than the crew presumably wanted to sell his scales.

Logan sighed, went to his room, got his journal and quill, and came into the bathroom to sit on the floor and write until the mer wakes up.

Sure enough, after about an hour and a half, the beautiful merman woke up. He slowly blinks his eyes open, but when he sees Logan, immediately starts hissing.

“Shh! You don’t want the boys to come!”

The mer turned his head in a questioning manner but ultimately quieted down.

Logan let out a relieved breath, “Thank you. Now, can you understand me?”

In response, he got a garbled mess of what sounded like dolphin noises? But then the mer coughed and replied, “Sorry, haven’t talked above water in awhile.”

“Fascinating! Do you have a name? Have you been above water before? Are your scales supposed to feel like that? Why do you have hair? Is heterochromia rare for merfolk too? Do baby mers nurse? How-”

“Hold up, you need to calm down like holy shit humans can talk. My name is Virgil. That’s all you really need to know right now.”

Logan sighs, “I suppose. Nice to meet you, Virgil, I’m Logan.” he held out his hand for Virgil to shake, and he just looked at it. “Very well, I understand your lack of trust towards me. If it means anything to you, if I were on the upper deck when you were caught, I wouldn’t have let them bring you on the ship.”

“Them?”

“Roman and Remus, the co-captains of this ship.”

“Co-captains?” Virgil said skeptically.

“I know, it’s idiotic, but their father only had one ship to give and they kept arguing about who could own it, eventually coming to the consensus that they could both be captain.”

They talked back and forth for about half an hour when Virgil started scratching at his scales. Logan grabbed his hand, and Virgil yanked it back aggressively, gently cradling it close to his chest.

“Apologies, I’m aware you’re not fond of… touch from me. I was simply trying to stop you from scratching, it can’t be good for you.”

“It gets this way when it hasn’t been in saltwater for too long.” Virgil snapped, anger clear in his tone.

Logan looked away, mumbling something.

“L? What was that?”

“Could I, erm, would you like me to let you go?”

“Dude that’s literally all I’ve wanted this whole time.”

“Oh. Ah, I see, you never said so.”

“I never thought you would say yes, and I thought my tone gave it away!”

���Apologies, again, I have trouble with emotions and tone and such,” there’s a long stretch of awkward silence, which Logan interrupts with, “anyway, escaping?”

“Oh, uh, yeah man I’d love that.”

“Very well. It’s almost sundown, after then the twins will go to the lower decks for supper and likely a party with the crew, then bed. It will not be suspicious for me to miss this, I rarely come anyway. If we stay quiet, they should not suspect a thing, and even if they hear my footsteps they will assume I’m coming out to look at and chart the stars like I do most nights. As long as we can hide the sound of your tail, we should be set.”

“That’s too many ‘should’s for me to be comfortable with. But, it’s the best plan we’ve got I guess.”

“Indeed.”

That night, everything surprisingly went off without a hitch. Logan managed to get Virgil off the side of the boat unharmed and undetected, but the next morning is where things get a little rough.

Logan looked out at the sea, sighed, and went back to his room. No going to sleep at this point, Logan decided to sit at his desk and write.

‘Sea Log #9.18 (CONT.)

Today, I met a rare creature I previously believed was simply a myth. I suppose the best name for him would be a merman.*

His scales were dark with a purple shine to him, and he thankfully was willing to answer some of my questions eventually,** but on this page, I have chosen to focus on this particular merman’s personality.

Once he trusted me enough to start speaking (English, surprisingly), he told me his name was Virgil. I learned that he doesn’t have many friends under the sea, just one best friend and a brother. His best friend’s name is Janus, he’s half eel as opposed to the more fish-like features Virgil has. His brother’s name is Patton, he’s very similar to Virgil, just with a blue shine to him and different scale placement on his face. He mentioned Patton’s vision is very bad, perhaps I could find a way to get a prescription and make waterproof glasses of some kind.

What am I saying, I likely will not see Virgil again, much less his family. I helped him escape, and I do not regret it.

Apologies, that was a falsehood. I do regret it, but not for the reasons I normally would. I feel something for this merman. I do not entirely know what, but it is something. I do know that I miss him. I miss him in a different way than I miss my work on land, closer to the way I miss my mother and Sparky, but still not quite.

I have made sure to leave space at the bottom of this page, so I will add more later. I believe Roman and Remus may be able to help me with this, but I will have to wait to ask. I didn’t bring any books on psychology along on this trip, and I suspect the twins will be less than pleased at me letting the merman go.

*double-check and correct if needed at a later date

**diagram and explanations on next two-page spread (pages 19-20)

Satisfied with his journal entry, Logan put his quill away and closed his journal, putting it away on the shelf above his desk.

He stretched his arms and glanced into his bathroom, seeing the light coming out and realizing he unintentionally pulled yet another all-nighter.

Sighing, he changes his clothes anyway to make it seem like he had slept, fixed his hair in the mirror, and started heading to the upper deck.

“Lo-lo! You’re finally up!”

“Sir, the sunrise just happened.”

“Ugh, you’re such a downer! Hey, where’d that mer get off to? I haven’t seen it since yesterday.” Roman asked whilst cleaning his sword.

“Sir, he is gone.”

“Gone?! Gone where?!” Remus screamed, Roman paused in his cleaning.

“I, ahem, I let him go.”

“You. WHAT.” Roman loudly stated in the most intimidating voice Logan had ever heard.

“Sir, it was inhumane to keep him here, you must know that.”

“It wasn’t human, Logan! Remus, throw him in a holding cell, we can’t trust him anymore.”

“Wait, sir-” muffled pleas continued to come from Logan as Remus muffled his mouth with his hand.

“Okie-dokie bro-bro!”

Remus quickly threw Logan into a cell, easily ignoring Logan’s cries as he did so. Logan wasn’t particularly known for his brawn, it wasn’t very hard to overpower him.

Remus waltzed on out, whistling as he went.

“Remus, didn’t Logan take the merman to his quarters?”

“Yeah, I think so, should we go check them out?”

Check them out, they did. In his quarters, the co-captains found his journal and Remus of course had no problem invading the sailing master’s privacy, so he opened it up immediately, flipping to the most recent page. On it, Remus saw a two-page spread of the merman, and when he went to the page before, his eyes widened.

“Roman, come here for a second.”

“What is it, Ree? You never use my whole name,” Roman looks over Remus’s shoulder, “holy shit. Remus, I think I’ve got a plan.”

They smirked at each other, taking the journal and going to the cell Logan was being held in.

“Hey, specs!” Roman yelled, causing Logan to quickly look up.

“Look what we found!” Remus holds the journal above his head mockingly.

Roman yanks the book out of Remus’s hand, “‘ I miss him in a different way than I miss my work on land, closer to the way I miss my mother and Sparky, but still not quite.’ You’re clearly in love with him, nerd! He must at least trust you, with all the personal info he gave you, so I think you’d make for perfect bait!”

“Wait, no! You can’t hurt him! It’s not our place, he belongs in the ocean!”

“Ooh, and maybe this Janus and Patton will come too, they sound pretty!”

“No! You can’t!”

The two twins just laughed. Remus opened the door to the cell and grabbed him, holding him while Roman put handcuffs on him, and then bringing him back to the upper decks. Once they get up there, Remus pushes Logan, making him stumble forwards, stepping on a net trap and effectively trapping him.

“Stop this at once! It’s not ethical! It’s not humane!”

“You can just say ‘right’ you know! Ugh, even when you’re dying you’re the biggest nerd in the seven seas,” Roman laughs while Remus just looks to the side.

Roman pulls a lever, pulling the net holding Logan up above their heads and putting him above the ocean.

“No!” Logan grunts, chained wrists grabbing the ropes.

“Yeah, keep that mouth talking, specs! The louder you yell, the faster that thing will come for you!”

Out of spite, the sailing master stays completely silent, not even moving enough to rustle the ropes.

He stays quiet for almost two hours, the co-captains trying everything they could think of without moving him from above the water to make the poor man yell, only making the ropes make some noise.

Eventually, Roman realizes he could look in Logan’s ship log for info on mers, and sees that they have an incredible sense of smell, especially when it comes to prey. They can apparently smell the blood of their prey and their friends, easily differentiating between them.

Roman smirked as he showed the line to Remus, but he just looked away again, “Ro, are you sure about this? I mean… I don’t wanna hurt him.”

“What are you talking about Ree, we need those scales!”

Remus raised his voice, alerting Logan of the argument, “No, you need those scales! I don’t care, Roman!”

“Oh fuck you, Remus. I’ll do it myself.”

Roman uses the lever to bring Logan close. He grabs his foot, yanking it through one of the squares in the net. Grabbing the boot and throwing it into the ocean, Roman uses his dagger and quickly slices the back of the struggling man’s ankle, hitting an artery before he levers him back over the water.

Logan tries to pull his foot back in the net but just ends up making the blood come out quicker.

Off in the distance, they hear a scream. Logan looks out to see a giant splash of water and what looks like but a black spec in the distance. He gulps.

The almost demonic screeching gets louder and louder until they see a giant splash right beside Logan’s net.

Virgil jumped up like a dolphin, doing a flip and diving back in, screeching the whole time. When he resurfaces to the right of Logan’s net, he hovers with the water just under his eyes for a second, and as he rises so his mouth is above water, two mers pop up behind him.

The one on the right of him has green and yellow scales covering the left half of his head, an eel eye on that side and a human eye on the other. The creature has long dark green hair growing out of the human half of his head which floats around him at the top of the water.

The other looks a lot like Virgil, with similar skin and hair tones, but instead of black scales with a purple shine, he has a grey tail with a blue shine to them. His scales also didn’t accumulate in certain spots like Virgil’s, they were speckled all over his face, like freckles.

“Virgil! You have to leave! It’s a trap!”

Virgil looked up towards the yell, eyes widening at the state Logan’s in. His bloody foot, broken glasses, his bruised cheek, and his reddened handcuffed wrists anger Virgil to the core. He sternly but lovingly says, “It’s okay Lo, we’ll get you out of there.” Virgil turns back to the co-captains, “Let him go, or we’ll sink your ship and take him ourselves!”

“Or,” Roman pulls out a pistol, mahogany with gold accents, and aims it at Logan, “We could shoot him now, and no one wins! Or I suppose you could give yourself and your little buddies over and he lives, whichever you prefer.” Roman smirks.

Remus gasped as he pulled out the gun and aimed it at Logan. “Ro, aren’t we taking this too far? We can’t kill Logan, right?”

“We’ll be fine without a sailing master for a couple days, Ree, we’ll kidnap a new one soon enough.”

“Roman, that’s not why and you know it!”

“Jesus Christ, Remus, we’re not gonna just give up mer scales for your stupid crush!”

“Why you-“ Remus growled, tackling Roman, making his finger slip and shoot the gun.

Time seemed to slow down for Logan as he did his best to get out of the way, the bullet hitting his shoulder. He yelled out, and Virgil screeched.

Virgil looked to the co-captains, eyes turning black, but was surprised to see Roman unconscious on the ground.

When everyone was shocked by the gunshot, Remus had hit Roman in the head with the butt of his dagger, effectively knocking him unconscious.

Remus and Virgil made eye contact, Remus sighing, “If I get the net into the water, can you help him? We don’t have a doctor.”

Virgil almost couldn’t hear Remus’s uncharacteristically quiet voice, but responded with a nod, “My brother knows healing magic.”

“Good.” Remus cut the rope to the net, making it fall into the water with a giant splash.

Virgil and the other mers immediately dove under, Virgil getting to the net first and cutting Logan free with his sharp teeth.

“Janus, cast the spell.”

“Got it,” the eel mer closed his eyes and brought his webbed hands to his temples, opening his now glowing eyes and saying, “KFIV VMVITB MLG HPRM ZMW YLMV IRHRMT ORPV GSV HSVKZIW GLMV.”

Logan opened his eyes and gasped, breathing water, and looked around confusedly. When he reached out for his glasses, he put more strain on his bullet wound, making more blood to float out of it and disappear into the water.

Virgil grabbed Logan’s glasses and handed them to him, continuing to scoop him up in his arms. “Shh, you’re okay now. I’ll explain everything as soon as we’re somewhere safe. Patton?” he held Logan out to the mer with a blue shine.

Patton nodded, gently touching Logan’s uninjured arm. Logan watched in amazement as the injuries on his arm and ankle went through an accelerated healing process, the bullet floating out of his arm and both wounds closing up until they were simply scars.

Virgil thanked the now panting Patton and closed his eyes as giant shadows enveloped the three merfolk and one human, transporting them away from Roman and Remus’s ship.

Don't freak out, there will be a sequel! It'll probably be in a bit though. I've already picked a prompt for it and a basic story outline though, so it's happening! Sorry this last chapter is so short, I just really felt that's where it ends. Oh and just an fyi Logan is (or was lol) Roman and Remus's sailing master, but he was not kidnapped! Pirates often kidnap sailing masters but Logan was there willingly. :) Everyone who read this story, you get a cookie! Anyone who solves the cipher gets a second cookie! Prompt: Trapped in a net

#virgil x logan #logan x virgil #Analogical #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil #merman virgil #navigator logan #remus sanders #ts remus #ts roman #roman sanders #captains roman and remus #patton sanders #ts patton #Janus Sanders #deceit sanders #ts janus #merman #au #alternate universe #alternate universe - merpeople #boats and ships #pirates #alternate universe - pirates #logan-centric #autistic logan #hurt virgil #nets

[the-wardens-torch]

15: trembling hands

THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIENDO SORRY THIS GOT REALLY LONG AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ADD A CUT TO AN ASK.

“… In all this time… thou art the only practitioner of your art who has seen fit to visit me…” Tiamat’s words flowed through the air in the language of dragons, but entered his thoughts as the language of man.

The air was wet with aetherial energy that hummed softly all around him, vibrating in time with the beat of his heart and the adrenaline in his veins. It felt as if every cell in his body was breaking out in goosebumps.  Here was one of the oldest creatures in existence, scarcely younger than Hydaelyn herself.  Crucified as a martyr for her own sins.  

Surprisingly delicate chains with links taller and wider than his whole body bound her wings, outstretched as if she were a hawk frozen in full stoop.   Indeed, he couldn’t help but wonder just how many people had perished with the image of those wings as the last thing to pass before their eyes before she slaughtered them. Beneath those wings, her tail and body were pierced through in several places with spears as large as tree trunks.  The resulting wounds were sealed with clots of violet crystal that had once been her blood.  But perhaps the most glaring evidence of her bondage were the immense golden rings that encircled her torso, the largest of which pinned her arms to her chest in a mocking self-embrace, as if she were an asylum patient in a straight jacket.

She was great and terrible.  Majesty and menace.  Yet she reminded him of a butterfly pinned in a collector’s case, or a hawk stuffed and mounted on a hunter‘s mantle.  Though every anatomical and technical detail was preserved with perfect clarity and absolute stillness, there was no spark of life.  It was like looking at a pile of ashes.

“But why have you come?” she asked, her voice paradoxically soft and silent even as it expanded to fill his mind.

Falerin clasped his hands together to hide their trembling and bowed his head respectfully, a tiny supplicant turning away from the face of a god.  His thoughts turned to his day of pilgrimage in Carteneau, where the spirit of Bahamut had found him.  His normally honeyed words had failed him then as well… With a single shuddering breath, he closed his eyes, remembering Bahamut’s brilliant blue flame, and the vision he had shown him.  

“I… I read in the old legends that you were the beloved of Bahamut.  He… spoke to me on the plains of Carteneau.”  Falerin opened his eyes again.  “He told me that his power is mine to call on now, but I… He sounded so tired and sad. It just doesn’t feel right. ”  

Tiamat’s gaze shifted ever-so-subtly in Falerin‘s direction.

“Nor should it… There are many others like you, and whenever one of you calls upon his aether, I hear his voice as if he is calling me from a range just out of my comprehension.  It torments me to yet again hear his screams of anguish.”

Falerin’s eyes widened in shock and he felt a sudden urge to drop to his knees in penitence.

“I’m sorry, please forgi-”

The great wyrm interrupted him with a razor sharp sound somewhere between a cat’s hiss and the crack of thunder, which caused him to very nearly fall from the rock formation on which he stood.

“Worry not, child.  There is nothing to forgive. In time I fear that I may forget him as he truly was, and remember him in no way other than as this hollow-voiced shade, but it is what I deserve.” The very tip of her tail twitched in a show of draconian emotion he couldn’t understand.

“My beloved was as brilliant as the sun, so bright he cast no shadow. So I became that shadow, reflecting only a sliver of his brilliance, as the moon reflects the light of the sun. The dusk to his dawn, and his ruin.”  

Tiamat’s arms clasped even more tightly around her body, as if she were hugging herself for comfort. Falerin found himself wanting to put a hand on her shoulder, even though her shoulder was the size of a small house and many many fulms above where he stood.

“It was foolish and fruitless for you to come here.  But perhaps you are more like me than the others call themselves summoners… I have the feeling that you let sentiment cloud your judgment more often than not.  As I once did so long ago. “

Her pupils narrowed menacingly at Falerin. He froze for a moment, scarcely daring to breathe.

“But so long as my beloved’s power lives within the land and within people like you, no Allagan or Ascian can touch him. He is slave to no one, and he never will be again. Just as the sea will never be a slave to the boats that float upon it, or to the fish that swim within it.”

Tiamat closed her great eyes slowly.

“You too carry much guilt with you, but unlike me, you do not have eternity to contemplate it.  Leave me now. You may live your brief existence without fearing the anger of the First Brood.”

Falerin stood in silence for a short time, forming the words of a dozen different conversations in his head.  He remembered how Bahamut’s voice had filled his entire consciousness, not with a scream of rage, but with a mournful lament.  No one could ease his pain, or the pain of his mate.  But he knew that it wasn’t for him to understand, and he did not want to insult either of them by acting as if he understood that pain. What was a hoarse mortal platitude to a god?  

“One day the sadness will end.” he finally whispered.

The obsidian lids of Tiamat‘s eyes stirred, and as she raised them, Falerin realized she was meeting his gaze perfectly.  Looking into the unnatural red of her irises was like looking into an empty sky after a rainstorm.  

“What do your people call you, child of man?”

“Falerin.  Falerin Arcita.”

“I shall remember that name.” she said.

Falerin clasped his hands together once again, and noticed they were no longer trembling.

((Oh MAN.  I can’t remember why this prompt made me think of Tiamat, but I’m SO GLAD it did! Think of it as a sort of sequel to this FFXIVwrite2017 entry.  I’m not too happy with it but there it is.  I like to think that when Fal discovered his latent magical abilities, he had a bit of an identity crisis.  I imagine arcanists as being inherently cold and logical - after all, they weaponize pain and disease, and steal energy from gods.  Fal would have a lot of trouble getting past that, even if (especially if?) a sad dragon unexpectedly gave him the power to nuke his enemies.  Hopefully I can string all these various snippets into one coherent narrative someday. I can write pretty language, but I can’t do plot to save my life. Also I stole Fal’s last line from the Log Lady.  Sorry not sorry.))

[svenxryder]

Jewellery Box || Sven&Juniper

Discord thread with @littlemissjuniper Takes place a couple weeks after Colton’s death. 

Sven sat in her old bedroom, vacantly staring at the white walls. It hadn’t changed at all since she had been living there. Everything was exactly how she left it. Clothes remained unwashed and unfolded on the floor, her makeup strewn across the vanity. It was as if time had not passed at all. She could even still smell him on her blankets. She laid back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t even bring herself to think about anything. She couldn’t think because if she did she would see those horrible images of her parents burning in their house. All because of her. All because she was going to leave Colton. He killed them both because of her. She killed them. It was her fault. Why was she allowed to stay living when they died because of her actions? Why did he keep her alive? Why didn’t he kill her. “You win...” she whispered out, feeling as if somehow he would hear her and know. She could picture his face, the grin that would appear on it as he got his way again. There was nothing left for her. Nothing worth living for. She shouldn’t have even been there. She should have died. She should die. A sense of peace washed over her as it clicked in her head, a little laugh leaving her lips. That would solve everything. The pain would be over. It’d be okay.

Juniper was walking upstairs with another box of files to bring to Colton's office for Sven to shred, they were the ones from his office at the school and she was hoping to get them all taken care of before the end of the day. "Hey Sven," she called as she pushed the door to Colton's office open with her foot. "I found the ones from his office at school, do you wanna shred these ones too?" she asked as she walked in, pausing when she saw no one in the room. "Sven?" looking around she saw a file open on the desk and walking over to it she saw Sven's name on the file. Biting her lip she sighed as she sat down and started to look at the file. She'd promised herself she wouldn't do this, she wouldn't look at the files, they were other people's personal lives, they weren't hers to look at. But as she read the file she realized why Sven was gone from the room. The pictures, the entries in his log, it was all so fucked up. Walking out of the office she walked to the room that had been Sven's when she'd lived here and knocked lightly before opening the door. "Hey, I didn't know he had a file on you," she told Sven immediately. "If I had known- I'd have shredded that one myself."

Sven silently sat on her bed, hearing Juniper walking around, knowing that she was looking for her. She just didn’t have the strength to stand up. She didn’t have the willpower to move at all. Maybe this could be how she went. If she just stayed put, maybe she would whither away. Maybe nobody would notice. When Juniper walked into the room, her eyes flicked over to the girl, remaining silent as she apologized. “It doesn’t matter.” She murmured, pausing for a moment before grabbing her laptop, opening it up and pressing play on the video, turning it to show Juniper. Screams from the woman and man on the video filled the room, Sven’s eyes filling with bloody tears for a moment, nausea overwhelming her body again— though there wasn’t anything left. She has just barely managed to get all the blood she had thrown up into the toilet in the nearby bathroom. “I want to be alone, please...” she hoped Juniper wouldn’t smell the blood she had thrown up— she didn’t want to eat again. She didn’t want to do anything ever again.

Juniper frowned when Sven said it didn't matter and was able to reply when Sven turned the computer to face her and hit play on it. She stared at the screen, the screams and the visual of what was happening making her mouth and throat dry. She could even smell the blood but then, realizing that there was no way she could actually smell the blood through the screen she looked away from it and around the room. "Sven, I- I didn't know." she said softly. "I thought it was just a gas leak, like he said. I should have known. I'm so sorry." she stepped closer but stopped when Sven said she wanted to be alone. "Please- Is there anything I can do? I- I don't want to leave you alone, not like this."

Sven remained quiet as Juniper offered help, clenching her jaw a little. “I said I wanted to be left alone. There’s nothing anyone can do. It doesn’t matter. What happened happened.” She had watched that video over and over, it was burned into her mind. The screams and images were haunting reminders of what she did. Of what she caused. “I know you want to help, but I just... I need to process this. It won’t end otherwise...” she spoke in a deadpan voice, completely void of emotion. “If you care at all about me, you’ll leave me alone. You’re busy with the rest of this estate anyway.” She closed her eyes, wishing for a sleep she knew wouldn’t come. “Just give me a bit...”

Juniper sighed, an unnecessary thing to do for a vampire, she knew, but, she couldn't help it. She nodded when Sven asked her to leave her alone and let her process before pointing her thumb over her shoulder, gesturing to the room across the hall. "I'm going to shred everything," she told Sven. "If you need me, that's where I'll be," she explained as she turned to leave and then paused. "Do you want me to destroy the video?" she asked. "It may help... To know the video doesn't exist anymore."

“Okay.” She simply stated, “Shred it all.” She whispered, trying her best to keep herself composed, “Get rid of everything... Burn it all for me... Please?” She asked softly, taking a deep breath. Once Juniper left, she’d start writing her goodbyes to everyone. Though, maybe it wasn’t necessary. Maybe nobody would even really care if she was gone. People left the island all the time. Maybe they’d presume the same. “Shut the door on your way out...” she murmured, hugging her knees to her chest.

Juniper nodded, though she could tell Sven was planning something, just for a second though. Juniper had froze when she felt that, it wasn't like a suspicion or a feeling, it was like she knew for a second what Sven was feeling and thinking, like the way she had known what Colton was feeling or thinking. She turned, almost going to ask Sven if she'd felt it too, but remembering that Sven wanted to be alone, Juniper just nodded. "Right, I'll just- I'll burn all of it." she agreed as she grabbed the door handle and closed it, not all the way, but enough. Walking across the hall to the office she started to take the paperclips and staples out of papers, pushing them through the shredder when she had done it. She paused at one point, not because of what she had seen, because she was not going to look at Sven's file again, but thinking about that feeling, the sense of finality and of determination. She was going to do something-- She was going to hurt herself. She couldn’t explain how she knew, but she had to imagine it was the same bond she shared with her maker. Turning around, she went back to Sven’s room, pausing and knocking on the door, “Hey, can I come in?” 

Sven could hear some Juniper in the office shredding her file, though she couldn’t be bothered to really listen in. She stood up in her room, debating about locking the door— but she wouldn’t. She had a feeling Juniper would figure out what she was doing if she let on. Quietly, she walked around the room, looking over everything. A framed picture of her and Colton on the London Eye, a picture of her parents hanging on the wall. That old, vintage map he had given her. She wouldn’t ever get to see her home again, but that was fine. It couldn’t be home anymore, not after she knew the truth about everything. She knew juniper was worried— she wasn’t sure why, but she knew it. She probably had to act quickly. Maybe later that night. Or, would now be better? She walked around the room before going into the closet, pulling out her old jewellery box. It had all of her silver pieces in it— he had all of them replaced when he claimed her. She opened up the lid, grabbing ahold of one of her earrings before immediately dropping it, her other hand covering her mouth to hide a scream. It burned. It felt like hellfire against her skin. It’d be perfect. She couldn't help but feel relieved as she looked down at her jewellery. It wouldn't be messy. It wouldn't be hard for anyone. All she had to do was swallow a couple of the pieces and everything would be over. She'd be okay. She smiled sadly, letting out a little laugh. This place was supposed to lead her to a better life, and now it had stolen everything from her. She was already dead-- What did it matter if she was truly gone? She took another look around the room, pausing for a moment before grabbing a pen and piece of paper, about to start writing when she heard footsteps, quickly slamming the lid to the box down and throwing it under her bed along with the pen and paper. "Oh--" She faked a smile when she saw Juniper come in again, able to sense the fear and worry from the other, "I was just about to go downstairs to get some food, actually."

"Yeah it's probably time for you to have another blood bag anyways." Juniper nodded. When the file finished going through the shredder she sighed and ran a hand over her face. "Do you know he has files on people from like the sixteenth century?" she asked as she shook her head. "Anything I think could be of historical significance I'm keeping but like, Good god, did he need to keep notes on everything?"

"That sounds... On brand for him..." She nodded slowly, not bothering to throw a tantrum like she had been the past few days whenever Juniper made her drink blood bag. She looked around the office, clenching her jaw a little, "I wonder if he even cared that he was going to die." She murmured, "I wonder if he was scared that he was going to die." She shook her head, leading the way downstairs.

"He was scared," Juniper assured Sven as she stood up, stretching and feeling her back crack as she did. "He was on top of me when Noah killed him." she explained. "I stared into his eyes the whole time." she rubbed her own tired eyes, "He was scared." she nodded as she started to lead them downstairs. "Come on, I'll make us some food- and some blood. When I was first turned, the smell of human food, made me nauseated. Did it do that for you?" she asked as they walked to the stairway.

She remained quiet as she listened to his death. She actually still didn't know the full story of it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to. Part of her had been so deeply in love with him, and the other hated his existence. "Good... Um... I didn't see human food for a couple weeks... But some food smells worse than others... Too strong."

"Garlic is still rough for me." Juniper admitted. "Pungent smells, fish, that sort of thing." she explained as they walked, "It just smells awful to us." Juniper said, "But because we're vampires we naturally have a very sensitive sense of smell. Garlic just smells really strong to us is all," she continued. "Like, overpowering." she opened the fridge and got her own blood bag, tearing it open she poured it into a large mug and put the mug into the microwave. "Heating it up makes it less disgusting." she offered to Sven. "Nothing like drinking it from the source, but, less awful." Sven nodded and sat at the counter, "I walked by someone who had been making lemon and garlic fish and-- I nearly vomited. It was awful." She watched as Juniper heated the blood up, making a slight face as she thought about just what they were doing. "I'll uh-- I'm okay with the cold stuff." She offered a smile and poured her bag into a glass, taking a few small sips.

Juniper took her mug out of the microwave and then hopped onto the counter like she'd always wanted to, but never dared when Colton was alive. She licked her lips instinctively, she never wanted people to see blood on her lips, but then she realized that Sven of all people would probably not mind. "You know I just realized I spend so much time pretending to be what I'm not, or like, a different version of what I am and I really don't have to." she grinned at the others. "I don't think you are going to care if I have blood on my lips." she shrugged, taking a bigger drink from the mug and not worrying so much about hiding the blood immediately.

Sven simply remained quiet, staring hard at her glass, the crimson liquid shining in the bright light of his kitchen. She took another small sip, closing her eyes as she tried to swallow, the thought of it in her head still making her feel sick, but the scent and sight of it only making her bloodlust increase. She took some larger gulps, the taste being absolutely divine. "He spared no cost on blood..." she murmured, licking her lips.

"I mean, this place has so many ways of isolating us and making us feel certain ways already, why let them make us feel weird about being ourselves too right?" she asked as she shook her head. "Oh, did you like that book I let you borrow? About vampires and all?" she asked as she leaned forward slightly, resting her elbows on her knees and looking at Sven. "I figured it was at least a resource for you to look at on your own."

“Oh, uh, yeah, it was... Informative.” Sven whispered as she stared down at the drink in the mug, her lips pressed into a tight line as the silence was deafening around them. She was just so tired-- she didn’t want to deal with any of this. She let out another soft sigh before looking to Juniper, "Oh-- I found this book earlier and I wanted to show you. It's up in my room, I'll be right back." She excused herself and quickly ran upstairs to her room, shutting the door softly behind her, taking an unnecessary deep breath as she looked under her bed, pulling out the items she had thrown in earlier.

Juniper sighed when Sven had left her alone in the kitchen. She knew what she had felt. She knew she had felt a strange peace overwhelm the girl, that there was a sort of finality to her decision. 

Sven knew she didn't have much time to do this, not before one of them got worried and came up to check on her. Besides, if Juniper ever found out what she was doing-- She'd never be left along again. Anxiety knotted in her chest as she opened up her journal, writing on a blank page, This isn't your fault. I'm sorry. I can’t do this. She debated about writing a long note, detailing everything, but she couldn't do it. She was too tired. She was tired of it all. She just wanted it to be over. For all the heartbreak and pain to stop. She looked around her room, taking the photograph of her parents off of her shelf, setting it on her bed, grabbing her old water bottle from her desk. She sat back down on the bed, tears forming in her eyes as she looked down at the picture, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She whispered to them as she opened up her jewelry box, taking a sip from her water bottle before she grabbed the silver earring, trying her best not to scream in pain as it burned her skin, her jaw clenching tightly before she opened her mouth and quickly swallowed it, almost immediately clenching up in pain, her hands firmly in front of her mouth to muffle the screams of pain leaving her.

Sven had been gone too long for Juniper’s comfort. When she started to walk upstairs, she paused at the doorway, smelling burning flesh. She stepped into the room and seeing Sven with her hands over her mouth Juniper swore as she walked over to Sven quickly, faster than any human would be able to. "Sven, what did you take?" she asked as she propped Sven's head up on her lap. "Come on, what did you take" she gripped Sven's wrists and pulled them away from Sven's mouth.

The pain was so intense that she could hardly stay focused enough to see Juniper run into her room. She had hoped she wouldn't notice until after she was gone. The worry on her face was enough to make her feel guilty for what she had done. Her green eyes remained unfocused as they slowly looked around the room, resting on Juniper's face, then landing on the picture of Colton she had up, before finally falling on the photo of her parents. She could hear Juniper talking, but she didn't understand what she was saying.

Juniper looked around the room, finally spotting the silver jewellery in the box near her. "Shit... This is not going to be pretty." she said before she turned Sven over, and forcing her fingers down Sven's throat, hoping it would be enough to make the girl gag and throw up. "Come on... If this doesn’t come out I’m going to have to cut it out of you..." she murmured as she watched Sven, hoping that she'd throw up the silver she'd swallowed.

Tears streamed down her face as she watched Juniper, guilt creeping up into her as she realized how upset Juniper was with her. Why couldn’t she just find how to be happy without her? She couldn't protest as Juniper rolled her over and hit her gag reflex, almost immediately retching, blood falling out of her mouth and onto the pristine white carpet and bedspread, a small silver earring shining in the middle of it.

Juniper grabbed the silver earring, hissing in pain and discomfort when the silver touched her skin. "Oh- Fuck." she hissed as she tossed the earring back into the jewellery box and shaking her hand out. She closed the box and stood up with it. "I've been there," she said as she looked at Sven. "I know how much it sucks, but this is not the way."

Sven simply laid on the bed, a broken sob escaping her, her tough exterior finally falling down. She was so alone. She was so scared. She hated herself and everything she became, and everything that happened was her fault. She was the reason Romy got beaten up. She had been the one to hurt Juniper when she was trying to escape. She was the reason her parents were dead.  "I'm sorry--" She sobbed out, "I'm so sorry." Juniper nodded, "Like I said, I've been there." Juniper told her. "Both before and after I died." she said softly, holding the jewelry box in the other hand. "I’m definitely here for you Sven. Don't let him win." she sighed as she looked at Sven with a small smile. Sven covered her face with her arms, "I can't-- I can't do this anymore. It hurts so much-- I can't take it. I can't--" She repeated out, shaking her head, "Please just let it end. Please just let me die. I don't want to be here anymore." Juniper sighed and gently let go of Sven before she set the jewelry box down on the dresser. Sitting next to Sven she sat down and ran her hand over her face. "Sven." she said softly. "You've been through so much more than I can even begin to imagine. Colton did so much more to you than anyone knows, and I'm so so sorry about that. But here's the thing Sven, he can't hurt you anymore. It's all over. He's finally really dead, and there's nothing else he can do. All you need to do is just get past this bit. And it's going to suck and it's going to be hard, but I'm here to help you if you'll let me." Sven kept sobbing, her sadness twisting into guilt for putting both of them through that. He was gone. He couldn't hurt her. It felt like he was still controlling her life from beyond the grave, but she knew it wasn't possible. He was truly gone. Juniper knew what he did to her. She read her file. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, sitting up, gasping at the pain still radiating from her stomach before wrapping her arms around the other vampire. Juniper quickly ran downstairs to grab the blood bags, returning almost immediately with them as she sat down and rubbed Sven’s back gently. “It’s going to be okay Sven.” She told her. “We’re going to get you through this.” Sven shook her head at the blood bags, “I can’t...” she whispered, clenching her teeth a little, “It makes me feel sick.” It was one of the main reasons she wanted to die in the first place. She knew it was exactly what she wanted to have in the moment, and that it would heal her. But she couldn’t— she couldn’t bear the thought of losing control again. Juniper sighed and nodded as she took the blood bags and opened one, holding it out to Sven, she knew the smell was bad, but on another level, on a deeper more intense level it would be all she wanted, at least that’s how it had been for her. “You need to give yourself permission to feed, you need to give yourself permission to take care of yourself.

Sven shook her head once more, not wanting to listen to the words she knew to be right. The second the smell of blood filled the room, her bloodlust only increased, her hand reaching out shakily to grab it before quickly downing large gulps of it, the aches and pains in her body slowly ebbing away. "I don't want this..." She whispered out, shutting her eyes tightly to keep from seeing her face. “I know you don’t,” Juniper said as she looked back at Sven. “And I’m sorry it happened, but at this point, maybe it’s for the best that you find some way to accept it, or at least find a way to not even be okay with it, but just know that this is what it is for awhile.” She suggested. “God I can’t imagine what the school would do to me if you killed yourself on my watch. I’d be in so much trouble.” She rubbed a hand over her face before opening the second blood bag and holding it out to her. Sven remained quiet for a bit as Juniper spoke, silently taking the second blood bag from her and quickly drinking the entire thing, squeezing it tightly to get the blood to come out even faster, a low sigh leaving her lips as it soothed the pains in her body, “Juniper... Why do you give a shit if I’m alive or not? It isn’t like we were ever super close... He didn’t exactly have us together a lot...”

Juniper sighed as she looked at Sven before rubbing her hands together and explaining “I could feel your pain,” she explained softly. “I could feel how much you hurt and I know how it feels, I’ve felt the same way,” she said as she rubbed her hands together. “I don’t want you to feel that way.”

Sven watched as Juniper spoke, pausing when she heard that Juniper felt her pain, a soft sigh escaping her lips. “I didn’t... I had noticed it earlier... I thought I could feel your worry but... I thought I was losing my mind...” she whispered out, looking up at the other, “I’m sorry you had to feel that again... I didn’t want you to worry about me...” Juniper sighed and ran one of her hands over Sven’s hair gently. “Me too,” Juniper told Sven. “Listen, anytime you need to get out of the cells, anytime you need a few days out just let me know, I’ll take you out.” Sven said nothing, looking down at the blood bag in her hands, squishing it slightly. “Thank you... I didn’t... I don’t know what to do now... I don’t know how to move on...” she murmured, looking at Juniper, “I’m really scared to be left alone again.”

Juniper smiled softly, still rubbing the girl’s back, “I don’t know the extent of what Colton did to you, but I’m sorry about it. And I want to help. So, do you think you could let me try?” She asked as she looked at the other vampire hopefully.

She bit down on her lower lip as Juniper comforted her, her lower jaw trembling slightly as she struggled to maintain her composure. Maybe for now she was okay, but what happened when she was alone again? She still wanted to die. She didn't want to be here. Looking up at her, she sighed, "I can't promise I... I can't make any promises..."

“That’s okay. One day at a time.” 

#TW: Blood #TW: Suicide attempt #TW: Suicide #TW: Vomit #TW: Depression #TW: Death #littlemissjuniper #finally got around to posting this