#and honestly thats what i want rn

[em1ree]

taylor swift watched captain america: civil war (2016) dir. anthony and joe russo and wrote the great war (midnights, 2022)

#emily talks #taylor swift #captain america: civil war #midnights #the great war #if this song had been released in 2016 everyone would have gone absolutly feral and my dash would be filled with gifsets #and honestly thats what i want rn #stony #taysway #ca:cw

[crunchchute]

holy moly. just hit 1k. thank you!!

#i didnt prepare anything for 1k honestly #this feels like it happened so quick even though its been over the course of several months #i believe when i came back here i was at around 70? then got to like 200 and then it just went up #800 for the daves i guess. and the few that came here for other stuff #and honestly i dont know what this blogs about now i just wanted to post everything here. and i like the tagging system so if you dont like #something you can mute it i guess? im not big into fnaf rn as theres nothing for me currently. if theres a hw dlc i might hop back in #as well as for any new games coming out #but hw2 was so short lived since the gameplay was out i a day and theres not much to theorize about etc. replayability is fine but #its not something to help me stay. and the movie did nothing for me and im worried i wont like the second either so im just focusing on #the games i guess. but then again no william no interest now. just how it be.. thats why im so whiny about the tse game #lotsa thoughts #on a positive note i luv sam and max now and if theres new stuff for sonic scu over the year i will bring that maybe #as well as sonic x shadow gens but thats a long way to go still #anyway. tldr thanks for following i hope theres something on my blog that will still interest you 🫡

[x22817]

Y'know what? I don't blame Hek for being "dog reactive" to be completely honest with you. Neither of us feels safe around other dogs, even dogs on leash! Quite frankly, I'm happy she looks at other dogs because sometimes she sees them before I do! (I do want to clarify that this is all she does, and I like as I find it useful)

We were just out on a relaxing walk when two kids with an out of control dog on a retractable leash came around the corner. It started barking with its hackles up at us as soon as it spotted Bean. THE KID LET THE DOG CHASE US!?! LAUGHING!!! I swear I almost OCd that thing right in its face it was so close to Hekate. She stayed right at my side but kept watching the dog still barking, trying to get at her. I don't blame her! Those kids chased after us for half a freaking block! They didn't listen to me screaming at them to get their dog away. They didnt listen to me screaming that I would OC their dog. They just kept laughing and letting it come after us!

#what would you have done? #beans beans the magickal fruit #I am honestly shook rn #pissed the fuck off is an understatement #the kids thought it was funny?!? #i want to specify that “dog reactive” means she will look and be aware but thats it #she wont do anything more than be aware and conscious of there being another dog in the vicinity #the calmer the other dog seems the calmer she is

[waywardsalt]

small little thing abt botw/totk and the future of zelda games considering it seems likely that future zelda games might be in the same style as those two and how i feel like botw/totk don't actually feel like zelda games (kind of messy i just typed this out in a kind of informal or whatever way) (this post is long af btw so uhhhh yeah)

im part of the group that claims that botw/totk aren't 'real' zelda games but... i guess they are technically 'real' zelda games, but... they sure as fuck don't feel like it, and because of that, i'm not at all excited with the idea of future loz games being in the same style, especially with the pitfalls these last two games have fallen into having been things that past zelda games did especially well, it feels like things have been sort of flipped on their heads in terms of what's being valued or whatever

like... the best parts of older zelda games were things like the story and the characters and the puzzles and the dungeons and stuff like that... the best parts of botw/totk right now are just the gameplay. people enjoy these new characters, but they dont have the narrative backing that older games do, they don't have the same impactful arcs or roles allowed by a more linear story

the point i want to get at though is how botw/totk honestly don't feel like direct evolutions or steps up from past zelda games but rather just... entirely different game styles (open world games) with the zelda flavoring and worldbuilding and story styling slapped on top.

i mean... i feel like a half-decent example of some other well-known franchises that have jumped on this (honestly kind of thoughtless) open-world bandwagon are mario (mario odyssey) pokemon (sword/shield and scarlet/violet) fire emblem (kind of. with some free-walking segments in 3 houses and engage) and the soulsborne type games (elden ring), these are all other well known and storied game series' that have somewhat made the move to open world, and i think that switch was a bit smoother, kept the core and integrity of the games that came before much better than botw/totk did

elden ring is the easiest to explain- the gameplay loop and core mechanics are the same and build upon past games' you just have more room to run around and get killed in with some little open-world flourishes like material gathering.

fire emblem is... a bit less flexible in terms of changing up the core gameplay, and the addition of open-world segments are added to add bonuses to the strategy gameplay and allow for more support-building oppourtunities and little minigames, and its more or less evolution from echoes' dungeon-crawling bits and the customizable castle in fates. the core gameplay still effectively works the exact same, just with some little class or mechanic tweaks and additions.

mario odyssey, though each world was pretty massive, still had your typical 3d mario platforming, and the new hat stuff fit in pretty well with olderpowerups and gimmicks, and the boss battles feel and work pretty similarly to the way they used it- odyssey does feel like an evolution from past mario games (ps. playing two-player with one person as cappy snaps the game in half. its the secret easy mode lol)

the new pokemon games are pretty much just the same as past pokemon games, theyre just open world and buggy as fuck rip have extra little open-world flourishes that build on what past games set up. the battling works the same as ever and the progression is the same with a number of powerful trainers you have to battle to continue forward.

with botw/totk... the progression is dramatically different in terms of power-scaling, world presentation, item-gathering, puzzle-solving... pretty much everything in the established zelda format. i get that it was pretty much the aim with botw to have a fresh start and throw out a lot of the old standards but it just makes them feel so dramatically alien to past zelda games; theyre completely different experiences in pretty much every single way, and as such they dont feel like what we've (well, people who have started with and spent a lot of time with other loz games) learned to associate with the zelda titles.

with open world games in general it's a bit harder to have a truly impactful narrative akin to those in past zelda games, anyways. i will admit that botw was a good execution of trying out something entirely new, and the narrative and gameplay and world actually complement each other very well, so despite what i've said in the past I can't really fault it's narrative too much since it's a less traditional sort of narrative and effectively does what it aims to do very well.

totk, on the other hand, proves that this style of game does not mesh with the old style of storytelling at ALL. linear games can have proper narratives with coherent stakes, developing characters, twists and reveals and building emotion and mood- and all of that is thrown out the window with totk when they decided to try and have both a more linear story with actual reveals and development and emotion, while also letting you literally spoil it for yourself out the gate.

you can't really have a well-executed story when players are capable of doing things drastically out of order and of jumping into story beats without the prior buildup and straight-up ruining what could be otherwise emotional reveals, and players being capable of doing this is hard-baked in how the game fundamentally works. I honestly feel bad for people who found the fifth sage by accident before anything else.

you can't effectively have a linear story with character growth and plot developments and impactful moments while also allowing it to be experienced out of order and with massive time gaps in between; with this kind of stuff, you can't really have your cake and eat it too. say what you will about the linearity of past zelda games, but i bet you that midna wouldn't be as beloved as a character as she is if it weren't for the linear order of the story and its events. certain parts of storytelling may demand for a linear manner of telling that story.

botw's story works because none of the memories reveal anything groundbreaking taht you don't already know; they are optional and merely give you more information about these characters from link's past and simply inform you about the girl keeping ganon at bay. if you find a late memory first, that's fine- it technically doesnt reveal anything too important to you, it just fills in some gaps for you and your player character. it makes sense within the story itself for the world to be so open and for you to be able to do what you can; the story is not the focus, nor is it even needed to beat the game. the story was made with the gameplay and what you are allowed to do in mind, and as such doesn't include things such as in-depth character development or important plot-twists.

on the other hand, you can easily spoil totk's biggest plot twist in a handful of different ways completely by accident, just by getting curious about the world around you. this can shatter a lot of the mystery or tension in the plot and this can happen completely by accident to someone playing the game organically and blindly. the story itself doesn't take this into account, it reads more like a linear story that would be more suited to a linear style of play, coming across things in order to ramp up the stakes and let things be revealed at the best possible time. (tbh totk's story doesnt seem to take the player into account in general, if the game forcing you to watch basically the same long cutscene four fucking times says anything, jesus christ)

narrative pitfalls aside, botw/totk put heavy emphasis on gameplay, but not in the same way older zelda games did, and as such trade away the unique items and gimmick-y game-specific mechanics for a small toolset handed to you out the gate. what botw/totk do- giving you everything you need from the start and having very little true varation in the gameplay from then on out- make sense and works just fine for an open world game. there is, however, a lack of actual depth to that gameplay that other open world games do have (off the top of my head, the ability to unlock and upgrade abilities and have general character upgrades in fenyx rising as well as the impressive depths of elden ring's combat and character customization system). the most depth botw/totk has to the actual gameplay is just the fourish different weapon types and the ways you use your fourish abilities (saying fourish bc for real ultrahand and fuse are fundamentally the exact same thing). there is also just raising the little defense numbers on your armor and getting more stamina and health, but that does absolutely nothing to the actual gameplay but make link more durable.

i mean, sure, health in past loz games just makes link more durable, too, but thats how health upgrades in any other game work.

the gameplay switch makes sense, considering the switch from a linear puzzle-adventure concentric game to a more sandbox-esque open-world game, but it does not mesh with the former loz formula at all, so while the shift in style makes sense, it makes me think that you can't have a previous-style loz experience in an open-world sandboxish sort of game. especially with how in totk you can very easily bypass most of the fire temple just using the mechanics handed to you at the start. you can't have the same type of zelda dungeons in a game where you are allowed to do it 'wrong' and the game itself does not allow for the same kinds of puzzles.

i am of the opinion that so long as future zelda games work the same way botw/totk did, we will not get old-school zelda-style dungeons again.

the loss of a variety of items used for specific puzzles and environment switches is the loss of a varied dungeon experience and the loss of the same kind of world and character progression as past zelda games.

you are handed everything you'll ever need at the start of botw/totk. the only thing that will meaningfully change is how much damage you do. there are no alternate strategies opened up by new items that can double as weapons, no new traversal options or routes opened up by things such as grappling hooks or clawshots or whips or specific wands. even the battle system is drastically different, instead of being enemies that take specific amounts of hits to die while you can obtain progressively stronger swords, enemies are just damage sponges and you can get all kind of weapons that just do different numerical amounts of damage.

the bosses themselves- big staples and draws of zelda games- also work extremely differently. instead of having to leverage specific items to expose weak spots or having to fight in a specific manner to do damage, you are just asked to... do damage. even in totk's bosses, where sage abilities are most certainly helpful, the only boss i found to truly require a sage ability was the lighting temple's boss; the others i either hardly used the sage at all (i didn't use yunobo at all in the second phase of the fire temple boss and hardly had a need for tulin with the wind temple boss [esp considering i was using a 3-shot lynel bow to make the poor fucker a cakewalk]) or found that alternative solutions felt better, like resorting to splash fruit on repeat water temple fights instead of wrestling with having to activate and use sidon's ability. the sages are honestly fairly poor replacements for dungeon specific items.

this kind of causes botw/totk to play more like a poor man's dark souls or just like any other open world rpgish game. i don't play botw/totk for the experience of a zelda game, i play it because it's an open world game that i can walk around in for five minute before switching to something else because i liked something in that other game better.

the combat in botw/totk isnt designed in such a way that makes it feel good. mineru's mech is fucking dismal, but since it's just either shooting with a bow or attacking with one of three types of melee weapon with some timing for a dodge, it can get stale fast. it doesn't necessarily even feel good, since there's not enough variety for it to get really engaging. (this is def an uneven comparison, but elden ring's combat feels considerable better with the different dodges you can do and the amount of attack options you have with just one weapon, not to mention the amount of control you have over your general fighting style.) combat in botw/totk at hour 1 is the exact same as combat in botw/totk at hour 100, the only different being the amount of damage you do or how much of a beating you can take.

it just... the styles of botw/totk can't allow them to feel the same as older zelda games. the shift in style was clearly a good move to draw in series newbies and shake things up, but it comes at the caveat of making them feel distant from their predecessors and uncomfortably similar to other games like them. it's hard to avoid comparisons with elden ring when on the surface they are very similar games, one just feels more true to its core identity

this all is said without mentioning the way in which botw/totk lore feels almost dismissive of past series staples and seems intent on not looking back while also taking every fucking attempt to nudge you and say 'hey, remember that zelda game' and honestly all that shit does is make me want to play a different zelda game.

botw/totk seem altogether very desperate to distance themselves from past zelda games while also being unable to really tear itself from what came before and it just culminates in me spotting linebeck island on the map and going 'damn i miss linebeck' and turning the fucking game off to play phantom hourglass instead. say what you will about phantom hourglass, but it certainly handles its story progression and character development infinitely better than the game that lets you accidentally shatter the impact of the story by deciding to check out that cool temple in the distance of the depths

#quick note abt the examples from early on i got the verdict on soulsborne games from my friend who has actually played more than elden ring #and pokemon was kinda a guess the most recently mainline pokemon game i have is sun/moon #totk has made me really think about what i like in video games and why lmao. #it has also made me appreciate botw a lot more. i prefer the emptier hyrule of botw it just feels extra cluttered in totk #i like how in botw its a lot more natural and more fun to honestly run around in with there being no falling debris or scary holes #salty talks #totk salt #being annoying abt totk again hiiiii. id like to talk abt stuff i liked in other loz games but its hard to start without some kind prompt #im not entirely sure how i could really explain how i feel totk's story failed and why without going in circles for a while #its just. the gameplay and the intended story experience clash like fucking crazy plus the story relies too much on the player #to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting #like. if you want to start a convo with me abt this go for it but this is what i have to say for rn #loz #legend of zelda #totk #botw #totk criticism #i do really appreciate botw now im not gonna lie. its still not amazing in my eyes but i appreciate it for what it is #also i cannot believe totk made linebeck island worse fuck you #like. in botw theres a goddamn chest with 50 rupees and thats a good subtle nod to what's being referenced #in totk theres just two bokoblins and nothing else and i dont care if it wouldve been lazy to just have the chest there again #you explicitly namedropped linebeck might as well make good on it. its more fun to continue having little nods like that #i understand when people say that saying botw isnt a 'real zelda game' is bad criticism but tbh its not really a criticism its just an #observation. it comes with its ups and downs and for me it makes me enjoy these games less and makes me feel a bit alienated #if that makes sense. idk. its late and if i continue with that thought im going to lose it for sure #ig just. im upset abt how totk handled its story and im upset at the idea of... this being the future of these games yknow #it feels like a selfish sentiment but idk #long post #bitching abt totk

[citrinide]

Saying this in the nicest way possible.

Some people really need to shut up.

#cecil.fm #DESPERATELY begging some of you to stop ignoring huge parts of a character JUST because you like them #He's an asshole. He's CONSISTENTLY an asshole. He makes slights and unnecessary judgements toward EVERYONE. PLEASE IT'S NOT JUST THE CHASSIS #yes this is about Wheatley obviously I'm going to be pissed over people misinterpreting characters from my special interest AGAIN #I was there when people UwU-ified him and treated him like a precious baby while demonising GLaDOS at the same time I'm bashing heads in rn #they're. fucking. FOILS!!! #THEY'RE BOTH BAD PEOPLE OH MY GOD THEY BOTH MAKE UNNECESSARILY RUDE REMARKS YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THIS OH MY GOD #I am begging oh my fucking god #there's moments where I see this behaviour and like desperately want to block people because oh my god what ELSE are you blatantly ignoring #like I'm not innocent either here I'll be the FIRST to admit my f/o is a shitty person too! He's a pathetic little suck up #he's annoying and so fucking rude but I'm not ignoring any of that! #The portal fandom has such an issue with this I swear to god. nothings changed we're going in circles. character analysis is dead. #I think thats what made me cancel LaaC originally too. fuck. #this is why I stay in my little Aperture Tag corner. Because at LEAST we aren't operating under the false pretense that Nigel is some saint #forcing you all (non-specific) to play the game again and TRY to explain away the blatant instances of him being all types of awful #just a general sentiment I've seen again recently that I REALLY despise. stop declawing characters im going to MAUL you #anyway sorry for the tag rant im just very passionate about this game and people misinterpreting characters WILDLY off is. Yeah :)) #extra note: blaming the chassis for his actions as if he wasn't predisposed to that behaviour is a stupid ass take and always has been <3 #i could go on for hours but I'd hit the note limit so <3 #one of my biggest pet peeves in fandom honestly.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

they dont tell u this but the moment you let yourself just use or not use words and stop caring is when you are truly free

#i stopped caring about my identity a while ago and just let it be whatever and like #yk what? its been pretty good #maybe i dont need to understand it and label it and write it down #maybe it can just be there. itself #and it can be whatever i want and it can change every 6 seconds just based on what flag or word I like more #or what i feel more #maybe today i feel more bisexual and asexual and arospec but tomorrow maybe im gay and aego or maybe just mspec or aromantic #maybe im all of them #maybe im genderfluid or bigender or demigendered or nonbinary or maybe im just trans. in some weird incomprehensible way #i like that one more often i think. just being that #maybe its more boy or maybe im okay being girl or a creature or nothing or maybe im just dapper yk #and you know what. honestly #maybe im just a fag!!!! and its okay!!!!!!! i can just say that because thats me #and i really like that #idk. feeling kinda teary #i just. idk i feel more secure in this than i have abt anything ever #im just this hodgepodge of everything that maybe can just be that. and if i want to name it sometimes i can name it whatever i want #sorry that got really personal i just feel. okay rn #like a good okay #personal posts and stuff idk

[tunedtostatic]

[Additional Image Description: On a grey background, there are five small black line art illustrations lined up across the center. The first is a sword with a hooked blade pointing upwards, the second is a hand with magic curling up out of it, the center is a castle with wavy lines extending from it into a dark sky, the third is a beaker with steam curling up from it, and the last is a shortsword pointing downwards. The sword has a few dark red shading lines. In the lower right corner of the fanmix cover is the title, "heart of my own," in dark red medieval calligraphy font. End Additional Image Description.]

HEART OF MY OWN - A FANMIX FOR CASSANDRA DE ROLO IN THE TIME OF THE BRIARWOODS

Overgrown - machineheart // Edge of the World - Within Temptation // Ashes and Rust - Wynnie Stone // Take Me Home - The Paper Kites, Nadia Reid // Nobody (Live) - The Crane Wives // The Tangled Tree - Josienne Clarke and Ben Walker // Heart Of My Own - Basia Bulat // Don't She Run - I Draw Slow // Murder City - Abigail Lapell // Until the Fire - Ladytron // Control - Halsey // Lament - Mount Moriah // Catch the Light - Haroula Rose

Fanmix on YouTube

Fanmix on Spotify

#cassandra de rolo #cr1 #music #fanmix #id in alt text #described #remember how i was like i spent $8 or whatever it was on paint from cvs because i wanted to make the cass fanmix a painted cover? #l + ratio + i did not have time + my camera isn't working so i can't even do a minimalist painted version #so here's literal clipart (not actually clipart its free use images from pixabay but lets be real. stylistically. its clipart) #you can see what my Vision would have been (i wanted to paint the above in medieval manuscript illustration style on a black #background where instead of the (very nice) castle in the center it would have been the sun tree/tree from the de rolo crest #with curling branches and roots filling the whole paper above and below as well #honestly i think artistic vision clip art edition turned out good! captured the vibe. even found a sword that looks like craven edge. #this is another thing i never made a follow-up post about and i'm going to do that rn (pandemic talk incoming) #i'm stepping away from the fandom by the live show because i can't watch them do a live show in a pandemic #like friends are staying in the fandom and i don't judge/care!! i don't *want* to leave i just can't watch or do art and fic for a #work of fiction after it gets real life human beings killed #thats my uncrossable line #its an incredibly sad and fucked up situation #and this week i'm trying to finish up some fanworks (this and another mix and two fics) that i had done or over half done pre-announcement #so i can get that out of the way and focus on. i guess irl is not the word but keeping in touch with fandom bros and practical stuff for #what i think will be a shitty last couple of weeks before the live show itself

[computer-einstein]

Having a really hard time finding the parts I need for my miniature robots rn. My favorite scrap electronics store in the downtown just closed down, and my science teacher is being really stringent on robot parts not being in her possession. I have enough to make it through maybe one or two more projects throughout this current school year but that's it. I'm honestly considering looting up some abandoned buildings and junkyards for parts. Does anyone who lives in the Boulogne-Billiancourt area know of any good places to find scrap? I'm not planning on doing a run right now, but once the new school year starts, I'm going to need some points of interest because its getting really hard to find good parts. Sadly, I only come to this area because of my boarding school, so I can't just freely explore.

If anyone knows of any good places, just send me an ask.

#einstein talks #i honestly don't know what i'm going to do once i run out of parts #maybe these points of interest might help me since i can loot them #but thats it #// #code lyoko #btw for anyone who is curious about how this blog works #this is essentially going to escalate into the canon cl timeline #rn jeremie's in pre-X.A.N.A. awakens because i wanted to play around with the idea of jeremie being a normal kid #who then gets suddenly thrown into cl's plot cuz i find that hilarious #however since it isn't oct 9 yet #i need to stir up activity without actively breaking the timeline #hence this post #if you want to send the factory go right ahead #but do note that jeremie won't think of touching it until around oct 9 #anyway have fun :D #(its also why he didn't refer to ulrich by 'friend' but rather by 'classmate')

[louismygf]

girls when they just finished watching aotv

#ok this is my review #i didnt 'just finished watching' but u get it wtv #louis tomlinson #all of those voices #ok unless u wanna b spoiled u need to get off these tags rn! #i honestly thought there'd be more of the songwriting producing planning and bts footage of him working on his music #like i thought that'd be the main focus #more..... artistry and musicianship things yk? this thought made me want a behind the album doc so bad djfjf #but i do get it bc he set touring up as his ultimate goal as a solo artist. he said early on how it's his fave part in onedee #now im not saying touring ≠ artistry bc duh going on tour is fundamental for artists and for some like louis- it's what they love most #anyw thats just me. a behind the album doc could easily fix this. kinda my fault for expecting a whole different narrative hahshdj #OKAY BUT ANYWAY the first half was jam-packed with lots of feelings. heart rending gut wenching soul crushing stuff #it was so emotional i was with my sister and i didnt wanna cry beside her but i just couldnt help it 😭 #him and his family talking in depth about their loss felt gutteral. strong family... about his mom and about felicite #hm yeah </3 mmkay thats a wrap we dont need me sobbing again thinking about this family #so about the touring!! we see him struggling to find his feet to perform confidently through the years #yk... last 1d performance in xfuk. jho for xfuk. ultra fest too i think? ...ccme. telehit. scala... 2 walls tour (2020) shows in spain #aotv spoilers #its actually insane how massive his insecurities became during and post 1d 😭 #bro was acting small roles as a child. was 'popular' in school. lead singer in a cover band. main lead in grease & auditioned for xfactor #and post 1d??? man didnt know what to do with himself. it's sooo!!!!!!!! #it's evil actually leave that man's poor confidence alone! 😭 #the doc ended beautifully :> showing scenes of his show in milan. 30k+ people. ONLY there for louis! #by this point hes built up enough confidence to perform btm live for the first time!!!!! hard song to sing and he smashed it 🥹 #the title truly encapsulates everything huh. voices in his head. voices of industry ppl whispering in his ear. voices of criticism. and #voices of fans cheering and singing his songs #cathartic ending 🫶🏼 loved aotv!!! when btm played girl you Know i was gone 😭 #loved that he included the fitf uk no.1 too!!! it's a pretty little bow to this wonderful gift #i would Love to add more but i reached 30 tags LMAOOO yk what maybe i'll rb this with more tags😭💀 #louis u deserve the world the moon the stars entire planets and all the galaxies 🫂 mwuah

[hermanunworthy]

its late to be posting but happy dndads eve! before tomorrows new ep, what are everyones expectations/hopes/predictions?

#i honestly have NO CLUE what is gonna happen in this epiosde #BESIDES the roll for love or hate #oh god that is really gonna be huge #but then what are they even gonna do after that? that was the last anchor #i kinda feel like theyre at a real awkward point rn. they just broke the final anchor and all the kiddads (minus tj) are there and #linc just said he never wants to see grant again #like. where do u go from there #the other episodes seemed to have a big cliffhanger signaling the start of the next episode #this is not a criticism btw its just me explaining why i have no predictions for the episode #but maybe thats for the best bc whenever i have expectations for a dndads ep they usually end up backfiring #dndads #siren says

[foxgirlmoth]

The constant Feels Like I'm Going Nowhere that has persisted for years really fucks up your brain huh. I haven't:

Continued electrolysis in pursuit of bottom surgery (No healthcare for a while, and now currently I have no income)

Gotten my associates. Granted, this is something I'm (hopefully) finishing this semester. I should have been done so last semester but health issues and disabilities severely limit how much I can do a semester. I had to basically drop 2 classes last semester. I've been in college for 6 years.

Related to the above statement, watching the industry I started my degree for constantly burning more and more each year has worn me down. 2 years of experience in my field doesn't qualify for a starter position apparently, nor does it seem like applications even get viewed most of the time.

Moved away from family. It is actively harmful in this 'home'. Family constantly belittles and insults me. No money + paying off a car for several years has limited what I've been able to do money wise. One of the few times I could have saved up I was paying rent to my family (except they had me mark it as not rent, so they wouldn't get taxed for it) for pretty much all my extra income. This should be resolved this year when I move in with the loml who has been the best and I can't go into detail without bawling about my love for her and how she helps just being around.

Past jobs have also fucked me over. Becoming the only manager of a medical/retail mix at the age of 19 stressed me out to the point I had breakdowns weekly. 2 years working at a sbux wore my physical body down to the point I'm still having issues 2 years later. I did all this with misdiagnosed fibromyalgia since I was 12 (Idk how a past fucking dr thought I had a certain other 6 WEEKS MAX condition when it had already been years). I'm just so tired. I don't even know if I can get on disability, I feel like I'd be rejected. I hardly know what I could even do for work at this point. I left my last job because of harassment from all the way up to the VP. That job was just sitting around half the time and my pain was so bad I missed weeks of work regularly for a couple months. I just feel so lost half the time. Being in the workforce for 10 years has just made me a broken husk devoid of passions.

#Generally I'm honestly pretty happy right now #Stress from classes makes me want to fucking maim one of my professors because FUCK business classes. #But just. I need change. Change is scary but its needed #I've needed change for ages (move out) #The one time I did I was fucking abused in more than one way. I know that won't happen again but just. It makes my stomach turn a bit. #I need more friends I can hang out with too #but my social battery runs dry so so so fast. #I miss Maxine rn too. #But I know I can't just spew all my problems at her all the time #That would be unfair #Thats half the reason just typing this all out here. #I know I'm not unique in a lot of these problems but just. Fuck. I'm exhausted and I have been for years. #I forget what I've tagged my rants and stuff as before.

[caruliaa]

i thuink i might finally be mentally stable unphased by horror and gore enough to actually play ddlc for myself

#BC I ALWAYS WANTED TOO the first thing i wanted to do when i got a laptop for thefirst time. is play ddlc for myseld #but then iwas like no ill get scared. so i never did. #is it still freee is ddlc still free. if not i have it on my hacked 3ds. so ill play it there. #honestly even if it is bc like. im running low on laptop space. #what if i just played it and then stopped right before things go fucky. what if i did that . #i wont ill properly play it. but yk #and ya my whole thing was like aah i wanna kms kinda or have strugged with tht if i play ddlc itll trigger some stuff for me #now im like. thats kinda gone down. but now its more that i can kinda deal with gore a bit more. so yk. ig makes up for it #also crazy cause i watched a play thru when i was like. 14. maybe even 13 ? so way too young #andi t freaked me TF OUTT but after i still watched a bunch more and play thrus of mods and was like. in the fandom. #i shipped natsuski and yuri . who didnt . #so its kinda funny tht im like. 19 and cautious abt playing a game i was in the fandom of at 14. but yk #im still gonna play it maybe rn. yipee bye . #flappy rambles

[silverislander]

prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

#i really hope its decent proposals are really hard for me to write. i never really understand how much im supposed to say #also i dont plan stuff in advance! i hate drafts and proposals why cant i just jump in and run w my topic #i dont Know exactly what im going to cover just yet can i get back to you once ive covered it #levi.txt #i spent One page just opening the two page proposal so. i know it needs some cleaning up #but the last time i wrote one of these i only got a 75 (not a bad grade but i could do significantly better) bc. and i am not kidding. #i wrote a several page intro abt the themes of a story i was super pumped to write. and forgot the /plot characters and title/ #a 75 was honestly generous. that prof already liked me and knew my work so i got very lucky #also i just think the guy im working with for my essay is so cool and i want to impress him bfhshsk #ive taken 2 classes with him before he is so smart and so enthusiastic. i was 1 of only 3 who was there for every class both times #everyone whos helped me has been so cool and very nice to me i want to do a good job and prove that im as capable as they think #and also jesus fucking christ ive worked so hard for this degree PLEASE #if i dont get honours im walking into the forest laying down and letting the fae take me as they will #side note: i have 1.5 movies left (its late and im finishing army of the dead tomorrow + watching evil dead rise)!! thats so exciting #theyve (mostly) been really fun and i feel like i have a really good general idea of where im going w my essay now #the movie eras are starting to kind of organize themselves into coherent themes in my mind #i think its smth along the lines of racism/xenophobia -> social change -> satanic panic -> action and militarism -> prejudice/bias #and i actually think were in smth of a thematic reckoning w zombies rn as a culture that im excited to discuss!! #for so long weve accepted that zombies arent people but weve really been starting to interrogate that since abt the mid 2010s #w tropes like searching for a cure (not just a vaccine) or movies like warm bodies or evil dead where you can truly turn back #and im really excited to see where the future takes the zombie genre!!

[iindigoeyed]

i shouldn't share yet bc nothing is finished… BUT….. i cannot gatekeep anymore I'm too excited!!! snippet of my current biggest wip bc i am slowly going crazy

#if you're expecting it to be a normal fic... WRONG. it is so messy and honestly #i dont expect anyone to like it im just making it for myself x) #ml #marivanily #it technically has other ships but. thats what you see rn #tempted to tag this as felinette bc that tag is more popular but i dont want to crosstag on accident #felix #marinette #i have maybe half of it outlined and i'm still working out an ending....

[mahi-does-some-art]

You know how Mahiru played a role in almost every servamp pairs arc,i womder if he will play a role in what i hope will be envy arc

There is a small chance that he might not– at least not directly with Mikuni and Jeje.

BUT!!!

I do believe that he abso-fucking-lutely will!!

Mahiru has played a big and very direct part in the now-changing lives of the Aliceins and it would actually be kind of shocking if strike doesn't have Mahiru playing a part in Envy Arc.

Of course, we'll need Strike to cut back to what's happening inside Sloth's little world inside the black goo he, Kuro and Mahiru are in. Along with directly confronting and fighting Sloth for the second time– or just a continuation of their first actual fight with gear and youtarou, there is another thing that might happen lmao.

Which is Gear throwing the jar of goop into the ocean because they are currently in a helicopter, flying from the forests of europe back to japan where all the fighting is happening. In fact, Gear outright said he'd throw them into the ocean if the goop started to form into the big ass lion or into Sloth again. But they have a limited time frame to get back to Tokyo so I kinda doubt that.

I got off topic but YES!!! I am very sure Mahiru's going to play a very vital role in Envy Arc!!

Mahiru helped Misono and Lily, he knocked some much needed sense into Mikado and Mikuni genuinely seems to like and or trust him in general.

I'm sure you see my friend Katz posts (if not, plz, they're so fucking cool), but in Tanaka Box, Mahiru is implied to work part-time at Mikuni's shop "Land of Nod". I'm like, 98% sure some of the shit Mikuni has in there is haunted but thats besides the point–

There is nothing that says Mikuni has hired anyone to work at Nod and I don't think it's ever said that anyone besides him, Jeje and Dr. Faust are ever "working" there. I think Mikuni has a lot of trust in Mahiru to pay him to work there but ALSO– Mikuni trusts Mahiru because of everything he's done for Misono, his darling little brother.

Now, I have no fucking clue what that hidden-away bottle thing in the Alicein manor (from the new raws) is or what Mikuni's planning with it, but I would lay money down to have Mahiru help Mikuni or even use his special magic thing that i forgot name of how could i omfg- to help snap mikuni out of whatever madness hes driving himself into.

Mikuni is, much to Jeje's dismay especially, very similar to his mother. The beautiful son of a beautiful woman. He may be close to experiencing the same insanity his mother had died from and my GOD im so fucking curious. I want to crack his head open and see how he ticks–

Overall, I think Mikuni needs a good pop in the ass with a sandal and Mahiru already has the shoe in his hand.

THANK YOR FOR THE ASK, I LOVE YOU AND ALSO I HAVE MORE ASKS IN MY INBOX I PROMISE I WILL GET TO THEM, I HAVE NOT BEEN IGNORING!!! IM JUST NERVOUS CUZ I DONT GET ASKS OFTEN DJDJXKS7

#servamp #mahiru shirota #shirota mahiru #mikuni alicein #alicein mikuni #GOD i hope that bottled mist stuff is either a large amount of djinn or part of st germaines spirit #thats where my heads at #honestly rn i jusy wanna go back to sloth pair #i want to know whats HAPPENING DAMN IT

[cathalbravecog]

i love wanting to detail everything but also knowing nothign abotu what businesses and ppl working there Actually do like ah yes heres my cog oc they work here uhm they do uhm

They Do Some Kind Of Paperwork...!!!!

#this is about ridge #shes not a mgr who i can think of fun quirks for shes a regular ass loan shark.exe #well regular - she is generally just in a more higher position but its funny #uhm yeah ... ! my characters do uhm .... Stuff At This Company :] #bc like unlike half of them she doesnt like fuck around she like mostly does paper shit and like checks up on how everyone below her is sor #sorta doin yknow :sob: #my brain isnt braining today sorry #shes gonna be hard to develop because ill be honest fellas i just made her to be a fun design i didnt have much of a story or anything in #mind honestly. like at All #crowleys a bit similar but he has ideas and a lot of potential i just have to open the doors for myself and i can figure out interesting #things for him #especially if ill be expanding the world #thats why im doing it i want it to be easier for Me Personally to give my ocs stories #or at least like.. why theyre in the company what they do how they are #yknow? #its not like dpau where im making some genuine grandiose story with meanings and things i wanna bring to the table #im just making silly guys here man #rambles #anyways ygeah im doodling her rn