#and i just keep saying 'wow thats shitty' for years and years and on and idk when itll just kill me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diaboliklove · 3 months

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modern day au where yui cannot catch a break, and things only get worse when her house gets broken into by an angry red headed robber — but instead of taking her things, he takes her heart

yui was having the worst year of her life.

even worse than in 2013 when her father wouldn’t let her go to that taylor swift concert since it was deemed ‘unholy.’

she really thought only taylor could understand her.

but now its 2024, and she’s begun to have adult problems. she’s broke, her heater is broken, her apartment has started to fall apart, she stained her favorite pink skirt with coffee, her phone screen shattered when she dropped it on the train, she ran out of her favorite lip gloss, college bills keep stacking up, her upstairs neighbors never stop engaging in fornication, strawberries are out of season so she can no longer afford them and most importantly —

her father just passed away.

and all she wanted now was to rot in her apartment and ask god for mercy on her poor heart.

“it’ll be okay,” she sniffled back a tear. “father used to say the lord puts us through trials to test our faith.”

yeah, used to.

it was now late night, coming back from her fathers funeral she felt more empty than when she first got the news. her feet hurt from the black heels she now had to walk home in, the black dress did little to give her warmth, her cheeks were numb from the cold weather and having to comfort people with a smile that she’ll be okay, that there was nothing to worry about.

… but yui was already worrying about dinner. also how she’d have to shiver herself to sleep again. she couldn’t allow herself to cry herself to sleep again, her face would be frozen when she woke up, and what if she finds another hole in the walls? tape didn’t work last time, and she’s running out of rags to stuff in between them. and what about her job? she can’t buy more rags without it. they granted her a leave of absence due to her fathers passing, but what if they replaced her? if she lost her job she couldn’t pay rent — and she couldn’t ask for another extension on rent, her landlord was fed up enough with her pleading, she wouldn’t get lucky again. and also —

“no, lets just take it one day at a time. thats right,” she neared the steps to her apartment. “deep breath in, and then out. lets have some canned soup for dinner, and then pair it with rewatching the kardashians. yeah. thats a great plan.”

she turned the corner to her door.

“everything will get better,”

she put the key in the lock.

“as long as i stay positive.”

and she swung her door open —

“shit!”

“AH!”

— right into a mans back.

at first she thought she opened the wrong door. but the faint smell of her candles hit her nose, and her eyes fell on the very TV she watched shitty TV on in the mans arms — and then her eyes landed on a fucking sword on his waist.

her eyes followed it as he dropped her TV from his arms, and unsheathed it from his waist —

— and directed it right in between her eyes.

“empty your fucking purse! ill fucking kill you!”

Oh wow. wooooow.

now you would think the right action would be to do as he said. anyone would listen to a manic man with hair as red as blood, especially when they pointed a sword at you that looked like it came from the 1800’s. its not like yui wanted to die, so maybe she should save her life and sacrifice her beloved tv and the few pennies she had in her wallet.

but instead. her face twisted, and yui broke out in the most ugly open mouthed sob she’s ever done.

it wasn’t out of fear. it didn’t even register how this man genuinely had bloodlust leaking out of him. it was out of absolute frustration and sadness that this was becoming her life — and that she couldn’t even have her dream of watching the kardashians.

she fell to her knees. because, seriously, what the hell did she do to deserve all of this? she was a good kid. never acted out to her father and attended mass even when she had the flu. she never wished bad on anyone. but why does everything always have to end bad? on her 11th birthday her goldfish frank died, when she wanted a coffee last week, her card declined and now she couldn’t even sob into her blankets while she heard kim talking about how rich she was. can’t she have one good day? can’t she —

“holy shit, are you crying?” the red haired man didn’t even move.

yui looked up to him, and just stared at the man’s flabbergasted expression. through her tears, she tried to inhale through her nose, but it came out in little stutters. she extended her purse towards him.

“take it. take everything if you want.” yui spoke through her sobs. its not like anything she really wanted was here anymore.

yui curled up into her knees and rocked herself, continuing to cry hysterically at the thought of just her life. she wouldn’t mind if that man stole everything in her house — material objects could be replaced… eventually. when her eyes started to burn by the amount of tears flooding out, she noticed she couldn’t hear the familiar floorboards creak from movement and her purse was still in her hands. lifting her head to see what was going on, she noticed that the man hadn’t moved from his spot, and just was gawking at her sitting on the floor. they held eye contact for a while, like they were both afraid to move.

sure, yui thought he was a manic. but he probably thought yui was a suicidal manic.

while she held eye contact, she finally really looked at him.

he was fit. wearing a black shirt and a ripped jean jacket, yui could tell he wasn’t bulky, but instead quite lean. his pecs were defined and his muscular abdomen and biceps were flexed against the fabric from welding the heavy sword. his joggers looked worn down, and black nikes seemed like they seen better days. his face was … nice. well sculpted and he had a well defined jaw. his lips were plump and chapped from the chill outside.

what threw yui off was the cacophony that was his hair and eye color. bright firetruck red for hair that looked like he hadn’t brushed it in days, and green eyes fit for only a predator. regardless of the situation, yui could tell he honestly was… beautiful. dangerous. probably looked more attractive if he didn’t have his mouth wide open in awe.

his eyebrows furrowed, and he closed his mouth. he placed his sword back in his sheath, and leaned down to grab the tv from the floor. he looked towards yui again, with a face she could only describe as disappointment. clicking his tongue, he began to drag the tv … not towards the door but towards the tv cabinet.

“this isn’t fun anymore. you can have your shitty shit back.”

placing the tv back in its rightful throne, he squatted down and went through a worn down black backpack — that had some random pins of a band she never heard of — that was on the floor. within it, he took out her favorite necklace, her jewelry box, a couple of her wool sweaters and her damn smart toaster she picked up extra shifts for.

“this is yours. ill be back when you’re mentally stable, you deranged bitch.” he motioned to the items on the floor.

“really?”

the robber rolled his eyes. “of course I will be! do you know how much your toaster —“

“— no i mean. you’ll give it back?”

“you want me to take it?”

“well… i’d like it if you didn’t.”

“then! shut the fuck up.”

he grabbed his backpack and swung it around his shoulder. he started making his way towards the door right beside yui. as he took two steps past her, he paused.

“you’re really broke, you know.”

yui sniffled. “i know.”

“like, broke broke. i don’t think ive ever broke into a house that had so much of nothing. what are you, a level one sim? do you have no hobbies? do you even eat? i see nothing to even munch on here.”

“… i have soup.”

“you literally have two cans of spaghetti-os and tomato soup.”

yui sniffled louder. “i know.”

things were silent for a while. yui was sure the robber was still there, probably reconsidering his decision. she expected him to march back in to take her things again while flipping her off. this entire situation seemed too good to be true… but maybe this could end with her losing nothing... no. she wouldn’t let herself hope for something that was next to impossible in a situation like this.

but something even more unlikely happened.

the robber spoke again.

“do you like dennys?”

“w…what?” yui turned her head towards him.

“dennys. the best restaurant in the world. do you like it?” his face stayed neutral, but somehow the question felt like a threat.

yui feared the honest answer, ‘ive never been’ would end in her getting decapitated. so, she said, “i do.”

“do you want to go get some pancakes?”

it was yuis turn to gawk at him. he looked bored, and slid his hands in his pockets. now, maybe a normal person would say ‘fuck no, its 10pm and you just broke into my home somehow and then tried to steal my beloved tv and lovely toaster then pointed a fucking sword at me… also, i don’t even know your name you creep.’

but yui wasn’t a normal person experiencing normal things right now.

“pancakes sound nice.”

aka, the alternative universe in which two cold hearts find warmth within each other.

#toffee au’s #diabolik lovers #diabolik brothers #dialovers #ayato sakamaki #sakamaki ayato #yui komori #komori yui

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faelapis · 8 months

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so i watch wwdits. and i gotta say. that was the worst episode i've ever seen of not just this show, but maybe any show. ever. wow. i'm actually impressed with how bad it was.

i'm considering doing a more serious dissection of how Not to do a character arc or narrative framing. but for now, let me just share some general thoughts:

undoing guillermos vampirism totally shits on his character arc of standing up for himself and taking what he wants regardless of the morality of it. i hate it and it sucks.

also, the reasons make no sense. guillermo has had zero problem killing people until now. the roundabout way they try to explain it, like wow, he could smell someone's shampoo and imagined him picking it out and felt their mutual humanity... why would that not apply to any of the other people he's killed? he's even had somewhat of a relationship with some of them. yet all he's ever done when they die is give a distressed frown AT MOST.

guillermo is a killer and always has been. lately, he's even proud of it. that has, metaphorically, been part of him "embracing who he is."

but what bothered me even more was nandor. we all know this situation (guillermo being turned by someone else) is his fault for neglecting turning guillermo for 13 years... but instead, everything is framed as guillermos own fault for having someone else turn him. like - look at how mad you made nandor, guillermo. look what you've caused, guillermo. look what you made him do.

which, yikes. i feel like i dont need to say how bad that is.

even worse than nandors jealous rage.... i really hate the stupid condescending "forgiveness" afterwards. thats actually worse. like guillermo was right to be meek and apologetic for this, like it IS something he needs to be forgiven for. but its "okay" now because nandor "forgave" him. lets just move on. no need to interrogate nandors entitlement over guillermo.

you can argue theres the unstated idea that nandor is overreacting. sure. we, the audience, dont want guillermo to die, and thats part of the irreverent way the show treats death and killing.

but still, yknow?

i feel like i'm taking crazy pills, because the real question isnt whether nandor should "forgive" guillermo. in this context, guillermo has done nothing wrong. nandor totally reneged on their agreement as vampire-familiar. guillermo is supposed to serve nandor, and in return, nandor is supposed to turn guillermo. but he keeps not doing it, and in general being shitty towards guillermo. so guillermo takes matters into his own hands.

that COULD be a great character beat. it could confront nandor with his selfishness, and this uneven power relationship where he gets guillermo to stay by not fulfilling his promise.

but the question of whether guillermo should forgive nandor for not turning him, or for throwing a fit when someone else does? not even brought up. even though that really seems like the most pressing question. its crazy how subservient and apologetic guillermo suddenly is, like its S1 all over again. he does some token yelling at nandor, but his primary emotion is clearly guilt. its not enough to remotely change the shitty framing.

look. this show doesnt exactly have much "morality", and i dont want it to. i dont want any of these guys to become upstanding citizens. i like the irreverent tone and how theyre all killers.

but i do care about character arcs and agency.

guillermo has been treated like hes inferior the whole time hes been a familiar. and hes put up with it because he wanted to be a vampire. so by becoming a vampire, he forces the relationship to become equal. he also finally gets what he wants. which is ESPECIALLY poignant when it happens regardless of what nandor wants. it takes back his own agency over the situation, because nandor CAN'T hold it over his head anymore.

and then nandor doesnt like it. and goes into a murderous rage because of own entitlement at being the one to turn guillermo. thats fine as a starting point to a character arc, but guillermo doesn't even stand up for himself. he doesnt fight back as he should - or really, would, given how he's evolved to be more assertive. and then its reinforced by the stupid "forgiveness", like nandor has any right to forgive someone who did nothing wrong. it sets up this convenient scenario where nandor is not confronted for being a shitty master, but guillermo IS confronted for taking control of his own life.

and now, just as conveniently, guillermo just... doesnt like being a vampire, either. so nandor gets to further be a "good friend" making amends by helping "unturn" him. all framed like its about guillermo finding out what he "really" wants.

this is lame and it sucks. not only because guillermos reasons make no sense (again, he's been a killer this whole time? if anything, his arc is more accepting his own lack of morality), but because it resets the chessboard in a way where nandor doesnt have to learn anything.

nandor doesnt have to confront the sting of guillermo having agency to make this choice without him. he doesnt have to deal with the fact that it never got to be him who turns guillermo. he doesnt have to be forcibly confronted with the fact that he now has to treat guillermo as an equal, because guillermo now doesn't need anything from him.

and it sucks because all that could actually be a great jumping off point for them to, despite everything, start a real relationship. maybe even a romantic one. they could mutually realize they actually care about each other. regardless of this pact.

and you can say that by guillermo deciding to be human (as extremely lame and deeply uncool as that is), it also gives them this "equality." because he would stay with the vampires because he wants to, not because he needs something from nandor.

but you're missing the point - its NANDOR who needs to learn. its HE who needs to be confronted by guillermo making his own choices.

so guillermo just... conveniently changing his mind because he was a full vampire for one (1) fucking day and suddenly decided he's too good to kill people?

it robs nandor of that entire arc. and no, i'm not counting his stupid "forgiving" guillermo as learning to treat him like an equal. that would require a lot more introspection about his own entitlement. that would require him to actually say with his chest that guillermo had every right to make this choice, and its not on nandor to forgive him, its on guillermo whether he would forgive nandor.

that doesn't happen. what actually happens is nandor decides to show guillermo "mercy," which, again, firmly places the agency in nandor's hands. at no point does he have to be vulnerable and accept that guillermo might not want to be with him. at no point does he have to introspect about how he's treated him this whole time.

also. there is a long, proud line in patriarchal thinking of husbands "forgiving" their wives for perceived "disobedience," which only reinforces the husband as the head of the household and that said wives "should" have been more obedient. forgiveness is not always an act of kindness. sometimes it's very condescending. which it is here.

(same for the interpretation i've seen from some, that nandor "always knew" guillermo wasn't cut out to be a vampire. like that's why he didn't turn him. what a horrible, condescending idea. i don't know how you can look at nandor being like "i'm not going to give you what you want, because i know better than you" and not think it's shit.)

yes, i'm aware of the cheating metaphor. but its a bad metaphor. at least, not without acknowledging that its been an unequal relationship for 13 years where one partner has been neglecting the other constantly. at that point, the nuance should really come out and maybe the partner "cheating" isnt the worst here.

but that doesn't happen.

also... it's just a bad episode. like. in general. like the whole thing with the guide, where you think she actually gets to assert herself? sounds great. too bad its totally undone by gaslighting her into thinking they do like her and are nice to her. like the problem is they just didnt verbalize that "enough." thats yet another bullied or ignored character whose arc of standing up for themselves (even by immoral means, because its an immoral fantasy show) is undercut.

it sucks. guillermo sucks for losing his defiant streak (and metaphorical empowerment through vampirism), nandor sucks for being entitled. this whole show sucks. i suck for bothering to stick with it so long. i'm done. i'm out.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits spoilers #i've mostly just been in that fandom on twitter but consider this a formal goodbye on all platforms because wowww #what a shitfest #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

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itsyagurlchip · 7 days

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WAIT I SENT THE ASK TOO EARLYA AUWHAUDHDEKDVW

how is the original bone skeleton man doing?? OH OH AND is the setting the usual portal opening in the house and bam you've got new uncles or something else??? YAIOEPEPWLWKWPWBAOAV

buckle up, cuz this is super long yall 🥲

OKAY!!! THIS IS WHERE MY "INTERESTING" PART COMES IN 😁 monsters are just coming to the surface, and speciesism is as high as ever. after a year of this, queen toriel decides to open a human-monster program, something that also promotes her small school.

monsters adopt humans! ebbot was a bit iffy on it, but after realizing the benefits the mayor eventually agreed. (jk that nigga only wants the money 💀-) It was hard to get the program started, because many schools and orphanages werent as trusting, and the state wasn't fundinh it at all. So Toriel took a different approach.

Many monsters put their savings into it, considering their currency is literal fucking gold, and the program would allow each child to get $1000+ per month, depending on their age and needs. and yes giving kids thousands of dollars per year doesn't sound like a good idea, but shhhhh! the plot my dear!

The monsters who take care of them aren't allowed to use it themselves in selfish situations. Both the child and the guardian has rules.

one) you guys have to interact in some way. whether it be verbally, or even physically. two) NOTHING 18+, as all children being minors, that would be kinda weird. three) follow laws as follows- just dont be a shitty parent. four) the child has to want to participate as well, and cant do anything to hurt the guardian. including verbally (bc monster souls are made of feelings pretty much [thats another hc for another day])

id love to go deeper into the details, yet i however cannot bc i dont know how a parent-child program works.

and you have to be in the program for 1 month before you or the child wants to back out.

doesn't matter if its one-sided or not, when someone doesn't like it it immediately stops. id like to say that frisk and papyrus put most if their money into this, just so she can be adopted by toriel.

so when papyrus sees that gaster and sans have been stuck in the lab (not the basement!) for globs of hours at a time, sporadic sleeping, and overall exhaustion from work, he says the craziest shit

"SINCE YOU TWO ARE NERD BUMS, AND I CAN'T ALWAYS BE AT HOME FOR YOU TWO, I ADOPTED A HUMAN CHILD!!"

sans, in his sleep deprived state, promptly rose an eyebrow and fell out of his chair onto his side.

yea, its not that he didn't take the thing well, bro couldn't process it 💀💀

gaster just rolled his only visible eyelight and went back to work

....

well that worked well!!

reader arrived to the house the next day, and seeing that it was a two story house!?!?

AND there was an in-law suite? fuck yea! orphan kid made the jackpot 💥💥😼

they had fuckin steps too les goo!!

Your dark skin shined against the light of the sun, your brown eyes sparkling in excitement.

reader let go of papyrus's hand and ran inside immediately.

Careful as to not smudge your dirty shoes against the shiney floor, you looked around the house in amazement. This place had to have atleast 5 rooms!

and then the in law suite on the side looked like another 2 rooms!?? BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!

Not only did you have super nice guardians (you hoped), they were packed enough to keep you and themselves stabilized!! Hell, if theirs more people, they could support them aswell!!

Taking off your shoes, you looked around the living room. The long couch was green, albiet a bit patchy for a nice place, while the tan side couches could lean back!!

where those outlets on the sides? omg

"HAVING FUN DEAR HUMAN CHILD?" Papyrus smirked. He knew that the house of the Great Papyrus was enough to impress anyone, even of young ages.

"You guys are so rich!! wow- i mean, not that im tryna take your money or anything, but like- WOW!! Its so big!! Bigger than anything ive ever been to!" You were now flapping your hands and bouncing a bit. Your locs of hair bounced in it's pony tail no matter how small the fidget-hop was.

Behind the living room was a beautiful and lavish kitchen, and to the right there was the steps. To the right it looked like some like of master bedroom or guest bathroom.

But you didn't care about rooms right now, you wanted to see your other guardians!!

"Where are the other people im supposed to be meeting? Are you my only guardian or do they have to take care of me too? Are they mean? Are they bums? I hope they dont smoke or something, Do they have an addiction? What about-"

"THAT!, DEAR CHILD, IS GOING TO BE FOR INTRODUCTIONS!! DO NOT WORRY, WHILE THOSE TWO MAY BE GRUMPS, THEY ARE PLEASANT PEOPLE TO BE AROUND...EVEN IF THE LACK OF SLEEP TAKES THEIR PLEASANT PERSONALITY AWAY..." Papyrus concluded. You noticed that, despite the way he tried to talk to himself, you still heard it loud and clearly.

Maybe he had a hard time with volume control. meh.

Grabbing your hand and leading you towards the back door next to the kitchen, Papyrus opened the door. He had to lean down a bit in order to hold your hand, but he didn't mind.

The hallway was looooong. Instead of it being regular walls, it was glass windows of different colors. Which made you raise an eyebrow abit.

Seeing your reaction, the tall skeleton explained, "SINCE WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH SPACE FOR EXPERIMENTAL ACTIVITY, TOTALLY NOT BOMBS, MY BROTHER AND FATHER DECIDED TO LIVE IN THE SUITE!" He said, walking and talking.

You both reached the end of the hallway, hearing mumblings, ramblings, and overall terms that lowkey hurt your brain.

Getting too excited, you open the door to a glass-based lab. With the occasional plastic and metal equipment.

In the middle of the room there was an island counter filled was rainbow colored stuff ('gay as hell' , you sniggered), small green candies, and lots and lots if paper and pencils sharpened to the ends.

At one end of the room, there was a tall skeleton, a little shorter than Papyrus, who was more goop than skeleton. Infact, he looked like someone took a fire torch to his upper body, but you didn't say anything.

At the other end, there was a short skeleton, probably shorter than you (hah, being 5'0 did pay off), laying with his head on the desk, knocked out with blue slob. You marveled at the sight, wanting to know more about monsters at this revelation.

"FATHER! BROTHER! THIS IS THE CHILD I ADOPTED FOR ALL OF US!" Papyrus announced, grinning undauntedly. The smaller skeleton banged his head on the desk at the loud voice, while the other one barely flinched and turned slowly in irritation. "INTRODUCE YOURSELVES WHILE I MAKE LUNCH FOR THE GROWING FETUS!" He declared, marching out with a big smile.

If this plan went correctly, then his favorite family members would be mentally stable (as much as one could try- he thought to himself).

after banging his head on the damned table, sans sat up a bit disoriented.

why was there a human child in the house?

why was it in the lab?

"uhh kid, ur not supposed be here...uhh, its not safe and uh, you could die."

"WOW! Your so freakin cool! How do you talk without moving your face? Are you wearing a mask? I could die here! ooh shiney stuff, can i touch it?"

yea.. this kid has not had a proper friend in a minute

he was overwhelmed by the questions you asked at first, he didn't answer them at all in favor of watching gaster struggle to calm you down.

sans didn't mind how loud you were, it was moreso the curiosity that you brought along with you.

that wouldn't do.

"Hey! What's this?" the kid asked, walking towards the machine that could very much possibly cause the heat death of the universe, before getting snatched up by gaster.

"Enough! you are here to introduce yourself, and you will do as such" It was funny to see the man twitch like that. sans likes this kid already.

After knowing your name and age, sans was a bit surprised.

he honestly thought you were younger.

while introducing himself he tried to keep it simple and short. how old is he?

"how old am i old man?"

His blue slippers shifted from the movement of his ankle bones.

he thought you were just an average kid, but something about you was different.

oddly enough you always wore these earrings saying Y on the right and N on the left.

he wonder what it meant

Now its a week past since you came into the 'haunted house', aka the skele-dungeon

you two play pranks against gaster when he has free time. watching him bounce his leg in irritation every time he finds a lima bean in his notes is pure gold.

since you're virtual, due to your choice, he tries to take you places.

some of the most consistent ones are dance class every saturday and neighborhood walks you take by yourself.

I think of sans is the type of person to give less of a shit about his dad.

mostly because if the way he approaches things, iN tHE NaME oF sCIeNcE

it pisses him off everytime he tries to ask you for a blood sample

and it makes him even angrier when you say yes without a second thought.

but despite that, he cares about gaster.

but he wants to choke him out being his first son.

Despite being constantly sleep deprived, he makes time for this little new joy in his life.

Back then he's sleep at his desk, especially when his magic reserves were too low to shortcut.

But now, and you thought he didn't notice, you carry him to the living room of the main house and turn the tv volume down to 9 when you cant fall asleep.

another thing you both have in common

More often than not, you both find each other at the odd hours if the night.

since he can barely cook shit, it's mostly you making the midnight snacks

he appreciates the food you make for him, despite him initially coming to get a 10 1/2 ounce bag of chips

other times you guys will sit in the living room in silence

occasionally he'll find himself rambling to you about physics, specifically quantum, so he can keep his memory up.

sans likes the way you treat his brother.

as an uncle and not a childish cousin.

You may not be able to keep up with Papyrus's schedules and puzzles

but when you can, you two shine this wholesome light on the whole house that makes sans's soul ache lovingly.

Papyrus likes to take you out for walks more than him, or you'll both hang out in the backyard next to the glass hallway of the suite.

on his breaks, he'll find you two doing silly things

like rolling in the grass

or trying to carry each other.

without being able to admit it, sans and papyrus feel a new joy in their life.

and they got a cool kid to come with it :)

Gaster and sans were in the lab when his father said the most dumbest shit his nonexistent ears could ever listen to

gaster was never fully succumbed into the void, as sans had saved him before anything totally horrible happened.

hence his melted face and arms.

but he saw something, or rather somethings, that his meticulous little nerd brain has been hyperfiaxting on since the child came.

"Let's discover new universes!"

sans was just like 'naw, jit crazy'

so gaster fucks around with the machine for a while in secret while sans is frolicking with his newly adopted child.

ew, children.

but he guesses that she's okay, despite her adamant queries (hehe).

and soon enough, the machine made that man find out after he fucked around

Now that the machine stopped pouring in different variants of his children, this only made gaster more excited to use the machine.

sans on the other hand was fuckin freaking out.

the damn geezer did it

but not only that, there are aggressive ass versions of him who are willing to kill a child and that wont go.

sans is not gonna give on the things that bring him joy that easy.

*insert battle sequence*

ok so he got his ass whooped, no biggie.

and now his adopted child is befriending them. great.

annnddd now his brother is taking care of them. even better.

AANNNDD now his father is too interested in them to try and find a way to send them back. AMAZING!

bro wants to jump off a roof at this point

to be honest, he doesn't like the other versions of himself.

Theyre different possibilities of what could've happened currently and he already thinks about that enough.

but, reader likes them, so he gives them a pass.

but if they hurt her...or even worse, his brother...

he wont need the machine to figure out a way to take them out of this world.

KITTY!! THANK U SM!!! ✨❤️✨❤️✨🫣❤️🫣❤️ EKKK!! YOU GUYS BRING ME SUCH JOY 😋😋😋 YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYATATATTATATATTATATATATATTATATATTATATATATTATATATA IM SO HAPPY!! YHSHABDGSIWKSBHSUWBWHAISNEGEYGSBAOWOAMQNWHUDBRYDUBJQIBSGATUWOWUEHRBXKMXBSYSJBSBZ-

i know the reader sounds super excited rn, which is sorta unexpected for an orphan centered fic, in the official thing you're gonna see a less than..nice attitude from them.

btw i wanna make a house plan to this can make more sense for your guys. ohhhhhhhh- IM TOO DAMN EXCITED 😋😋💕 i prolly gotta learn skeleton anatomy too-

@kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice @cyb3r-st4r. if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog. SEE? I SAID IT TWICE!!

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chaeyunz · 8 months

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happy opening, everyone! excited to introduce u to ryu chaeyun, the wolf pack skele and also professional pain in the patoots. more info will be under the cut, and i’ll be around for a while if you’d like to plot. discord is also available (and slightly preferred!)

please be warned that passive suicidal ideation is mentioned in the intro (marked w a *) & will be a general recurring theme with her character, so please proceed w caution, and do let me know if you need a sparknotes/would prefer to plot without that point!

graduated from the national university of idgafistan, with a doctorate's in idgafism and a minor’s in ijbolism. thats it, that’s all you need to know about her.

her life pre-apocalypse was pretty normal: grew up in a family of 3 with her dad and older brother. mom passed when she was young, and at mama's funeral, her grandma tells her she has shitty fate. she's literally 10 though and doesn't understand what gran's trying to say except she doesn't ever see the maternal side of her family ever again x

watched train to busan like right before the apocalypse started and decided she just wouldn't be built like gong yoo. did, and still does not have that much will to survive, but hey, she's still here!

same can't be said for her dad, who d*es in seoul qz because of a very mundane stroke. doesn't get his blood thinners on time... or at all, bc of the kdrt rationing it super strictly. her brother turns angry at the world, and somewhere in their 5 stages of grief, they make the move to the busan qz. his joining the fireflies is the natural next step for someone so full of anger towards the kdrt.

all the unprocessed grief really makes one a great member of the resistance, and he does well within the ranks of the fireflies. he goes on every mission he can, and chaeyun knows he's gone too. his body never comes back somewhere between the 10th and 20th mission. L + ratio + skill issue!

eyes turn to her, then, to carry on his legacy. problem is, she just... doesn't want to. she's happy chilling in the qz, being a silly little 21-year-old teenage girl.

a demented old lady accosts her randomly. the same shit's spouted, but this time w a twist! she's got shit astrological fate that kills the people around her. the lady's family pulls her away and apologises for her, but it lingers in the back of chaeyun's mind.

* she entertains the idea a little more than she should, and thinks everyone around her in the qz might die. has nothing more to lose (besides a delusionship over someone who barely looks her way) and if she does something useful in div4, then maybe she deserves to live.

sorry 2 everyone on the mission, 'cause she's in her terrible twos and so goddamn annoying. like, pretending to convulse and zombify annoying. pull a gun on her and she'll be like omg wow rude..... what did i ever do to u! if u can look past the chronic unseriousness then she's alright. just ur typical gen z-er.

her one strength is bouncing back from just about anything. like, she's been through. a lot. but everyday she wakes up and decides its a new day to choose violence <3

her dog is a malinois named potato (chip). better trained than her, and she loves that stupid dog so bad. classic case of tiny girl & big dog. potato sideeyes people a lot but also. is very excited and gets the zoomies 24/7 when he's not on duty. rolls over for belly rubs way 2 easy.

misc. chaeyun tingz: always has chocopies on hand. don't ask how or where she's getting them. u think she's finished the one box she's brought.. but she just keeps pulling them out. is her bag doraemon's? / very prone to nosebleeds. no reason why / keeps talking about fast food. misses mcdonald's ice cream so much. / hums under her breath. either chopin or 2016 kpop girl groups. what can she say, she's got range /

a couple plots i would like to have wld b found family.. of course. show & teach her that fate can be changed. we will all have these bitches become found family. / someone who knew her in seoul qz. can tell she's different now somehow... but can't quite put their finger on how (it's death babes x), though i'd love to brainstorm & fill any of ur wcs!

#frf:intro #tw suicide

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gaiaxygang · 4 months

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now i need to hear you talk about homeschool

i really dont like home school

it's a good thing blacklist sucks more because thats the only thing keeping home school from becoming my least favourite "this high school is fucked up" show. but ever since i found out what blacklist's source material is like (romance centric NOT mystery centric like the series tries to be) i gave up on that one. ANYWAYS

home school is bad. it's themes are all over the place, the execution is meh and i don't even like the messages themselves (this might be a personal thing). i would say 2/3 of the characters are not well developed despite there being 18 episodes.

erm. spoilers ahead (i will try to be vague if i can). also quite a bit of discussion of child abuse yknow typical home school things. phrasing not really the best but hopefully i get my point across

the themes and messages

this isn't clear from the start but home school is ultimately about healing from abuse/trauma and how things with good intent behind them can end up... bad. this is fine on it's own but the details of it within home school itself is....... erm...........

one of the key points of the ending is that violence/murder should never be the solution even to things like abuse because it turns you into a monster as well. i don't like this i think it's stupid personally but it fails at executing this well either way. you cannot tell me violence turns you into a monster and love is the solution when one of your characters is forced to kill or at least seriously injure her abusive dad in a previous episode (WHICH IS THE ENTIRE REASON SHE HASN'T FLED THE COUNTRY BY NOW).

you could say it's never confirmed he died! but he's not there in the final episodes with all the other parents and instead her (equally shitty) mom is there which seems to imply that she killed him! or put him in a coma! home school never brings this up and if i think too hard about it my head will burst open.

there's also how home school (the building that would become home school later) has always been.... abusive. i don't talk about this ever because i don't know how to phrase it well but we're shown that even before the orphanage became home school the children under it's care were mistreated. run and maki's abusive stepdad who becomes a cofounder of home school being one of them and it seems like a set up for a story about the cycles of abuse and violence, and (this is my personal reading) that very building is used as a metaphor for this.

but also it isn't. home school was founded as a place for unwanted (rich) children, meant as a safe haven but later turns into a terrible terrible one because the 2 people who run it are scummy. this is fine. until the twist that amin was actually good all along! he was just brainwashed and after the brainwashing was undone he's normal. this is... okay.... but thematically i think it's awful and comes a bit too close to abuse apologism (run saying that he knew something was wrong because the amin HE met in childhood wouldn't abuse students and lock him up in a room for years!!! and run being RIGHT? because amin was brainwashed???)

the ending is also (cringes)(disgusted) because the 2 masterminds who brainwashed amin are arrested, amin dies of old age and run becomes the new headmaster of home school and everything is fine! the kids have each other and home school is no longer a scummy institution. it's like a kids show in the absolute worst way and even then i know shows aimed at kids with more nuance and thought put into them than home school. you cannot write a story LIKE THIS and conclude it with "these 2 people were the problem the whole time" ????????????? it's like they want me to pull my hair out.

wow this is horribly disorganised. there's also the framing of home school as trying to teach good lessons to the children through tough methods. methods such as locking up and retraumatising a student they KNOW is innocent until the real culprits confess (?????), punishing students who are on time because they couldn't get the latecomers to wake up on time (????????), starving the students and pitting them against each other (????????????????) to build cooperation and teamwork and love. the end of episode quotes (like the ones in some other shows) also support this and treat it like a good thing, the masters were right for traumatising kids to get them to love one another! (i remember some speculation that this was intentional and they were going to subvert it. this did not happen).

at least they don't do go the typical thai series route of sloppy reconciliation with parents. i've had enough of that (happy birthday is directed by the same person and i felt like the reconciliation between tonmai and his family was done pretty well so! thank you p'fon).

the characters

i didn't expect every character to be given a crazy amount of depth because it's a large cast but they couldn't even hit the bare minimum for some of them so you could say i was Very Disappointed. i ended up only caring about white out of the main 4 (don't even get me started on how much i dislike that there is a Main 4 in the first place) and my favourite character ended up being jingjai.

pennueng, phleng and biu are painfully underutilised. phleng and pennueng had potential to be very interesting but got pretty much dropped after the first few episodes (i was especially disappointed with phleng lol i love myself a flawed girl who acts out and lies as a trauma response. if only she didn't immediately change after one of them talked her down). it seemed like they didn't have a full idea of what to do with biu, her and phleng's reconciliation was also pretty meh. did not care enough.

they forgot about jean. he's the one that got done the worst by the show sorry he shows up does nothing and becomes biu's love interest. nothing4nothing i guess.

the rest of the cast are fine but this show is allergic to depth and nuance. there was a lot that could've been said about children who grow up unloved and how it manifests (particularly with jingjai, hugo, fuji and phleng) then the show just does not do that. we skip right past jingjai and hugo's bullying but then again i guess they needed plot to plot so there wasn't much time.

while it was airing i saw a post comparing maki to akk from the eclipse, saying they could have similar arcs, with maki being the class president that sticks closely to the rules (waking up on time even without an alarm). she ends up being... nothing like akk! i had my own problems with the eclipse but one is obviously better than the other.

i really liked the twins though. most shows (cough the gifted cough) forget about them but mek and mork had a very interesting storyline even if they got reduced to comic relief with pennueng after. absolute Twin Misery on display.

why did every single character get into a romantic relationship? ALL of them were paired in "expected" duos (as a prsk fan this makes me cringe) and they just put fuji with the twins i guess. some of these characters had ONE conversation or notable scene and suddenly they're dating i guess (???) i liked jingjai and hugo i think about them once every few weeks, and i can kinda see why tibetmaki and naiwhite ended up together but i don't think anything else was necessary. if anything i think biuphleng should've kisse-

damn. this ended up long. thank you for reading. if i had to say anything good about home school is that most of the cast were fantastic with their roles (to be expected) and the styling is good if you overlook how unrealistic it is for everyone to just have perfect hair and makeup all the time. prigkhing's hair looks good here (low bar but many shows cannot style her hair well) and the twins looking more distinct over time (someone said it was things you couldn't do with the other's face but i'm not good with faces so i can't confirm this) is a nice touch.

this is the main thing bringing down my expectations for high school frenemy tbh. p'fon has good shows (i enjoyed happy birthday/my precious, heard 10 years ticket is good and i expect 23.5 to be simple but good) but this type of show is.... hm........ it's probably going to be delayed too i'm not expecting it before the 2nd half 2024 (unlike the gmmtv2024 pt 1 shows) seeing how her shows just do not seem to come out on time LMAO

#inbox #THIS IS LONG SO SORRY LMAOAOAOOAO #i have so many strong feelings on this one my b

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cas-coding · 11 months

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okay so i have this friend. shes fun and a little uptight but she’s very much like, the friend your parents love bc she keeps swearing to a minimum and is good at card games. so she was over today. and we’re just playing cards, the two of us, and she starts talking about how hard it is for her to be straight in a thespian troupe full of queer people. shes like yeah in freshman year i had so many people harassing me to be gay. but im just not. and like that sucks. it does, like the whole pride movement is that sexuality shouldn’t matter and we should have equal rights to be proud of who we are, and like this group shames straight people. but that’s not my point.

she then went on to say that not everyone is probably as gay as they say. she cited one of my other best friends as an example. “he’s only ever dated girls, but he’s bi? that doesn’t make sense” so i reminded her that he did date a trans guy two years ago and called him his boyfriend, because trans men are men. and she replies, “well yeah, but *****’s boobs are pretty big, and he still has a, yknow, so like,” and then she seemed to remember she is talking to a trans guy and she thought the correct way to recover from this was to say that “your boobs are small though! like i can’t see them under your sweatshirt” which like wow okay. so im a ‘real guy” because i have the genetic privilege of small tits and hes not bc he doesn’t?

so idk how to feel about her anymore. and she saw i was uncomfortable and dropped it because yeah. but she didn’t apologize or ssy anything otherwise?? she is very religious and her family is deeply conservative, and she is much more liberal than them, so like yeah i feel like she’s at least trying but that was like a shitty take to say to a transguy’s face?? and yes my bestie’s ex boyfriend is a shitty guy but that does not mean we get to misgender him!! or talk about his tits!! thats kind of weird!!!

anyway thats all just a little vent. shes a good friend she just has those few takes where you’re like 🤨🤨🤨🤨

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chelleztjs18 · 1 year

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I have run out of patience with authors and I don't know whether to start attacking or understand their situation I really hate waiting I mean why are you taking requests if it takes so long? Or worse, when they don't write it at all, without notifying me, and I wait for nothing

-🌿

Okay, before i answer this,

To all my followers and readers, i want to say thank u for ur understanding this whole time for how long it takes for me to update on my fic or write ur requests. i really really appreciate ur patience n understanding. I am very grateful for u. Without u, i wont be here this far in writing.🥰 Also thank you so much for not acting or being like this 🌿 anon.

Hello 🌿 anon! Wow, I had to read this ask twice to actually believe what i just read n it's really not the right time for this because i am very moody. I am a person who usually feel bad and appologize easily. But no, not to u, not this time, anon.

First, "why are you taking requests if it takes so long?" , we take requests as our appreciations to our readers/followers, so they can feel they have a piece of them in the fic that we write. It's also another form of way for us to interact with our lovely followers. Some people have great minds /ideas to express.

It takes SO LONG for us writers to write because uh we HAVE A FREAKING LIFE?! Do u think that we have nothing to do but to sit n write? No, anon, we have a life, a job, kids or whatever in our life that we have to take care of / do every day. I have a 2.5 years old toddler who doesnt let me to go to the bathroom in peace, for crying out loud!

Also, just in case u r not smart enough to realize, writing is NOT easy! It takes a whole damn process to write even a simple fic. So yeah, it takes time.

Second, "or worse, when they dont write it at all, without notifying me and i wait for nothing." Maybe u should think why we dont write ur request, maybe ur request doesnt fit with our request guidelines. Or maybe it makes us uncomfortable, or just simply dont feel like writing ur request. Us writers, dont owe u anything actually. It's our blog, we can write what we want or not writing what we dont want to. Also if u request on anon, how r we gonna notify u? Maybe we replied n inform u that we r not gonna write it n u missed it.

"..and i wait for nothing." Well news flash anon, thats life. Sometimes u wait for nothing, didnt meant to burst ur bubbles anon.

Third, " i dont know whether to start attacking or understanding their situation..", the fact that u even debating on this n says it, it pisses me off! WTF?! Of course u have to understand our situation! Bold of u to say this. U want to start attacking us??! What a shitty mind u have there. What u gonna do to us? Send hate ask n punishing us for making u wait? I meant, who r u? The only thing thats gonna happen if u attack us, u gonna end up being blocked by us. Jokes on u.

Lastly, "i have run out patience with authors.", well, same to us, anon. We r running out of patience with people like u.

N if u dont like to wait and have a shitty entitled mind like this, u r more than welcomed to unfollow n leave.

How about, u make a writing blog, write some fics, take some requests get them done while u do ur chores in life n keep ur life going then come back off anon, n talk to me.

If u hate waiting for us to write ur idea, then write it urself..

Also, did u request anything to me that i havent write it? U can tell me which one is ur request, anon?

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #🌿 anon

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nanjokei · 1 year

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that aside, i browsed some early posts on my blog and haha wow i dunno if i wanna clean up that oil spill one would call my early teen years up or just leave it be

i think i did clean it a little a few years back but very surface level? it would be so time consuming to dive back in so im just gonna say it goes without saying that nothing in the past really represents me as a person as i am a whole ass adult now lol. in fact even as an adult, something profound happened to me late 2018 that changed my life completely, i have changed drastically ever since for the better (imo even though it was an ardous process and the improvement was anything but instant) so even pre-that time i look at even the not unhealthy or stuff thats not me being shitty and i do not recognize myself at all, compared to my present self.

it is truly strange how growth never stops. i am not the person i was last year. i was not the person i was even a month ago. life changing realizations and improvement arcs can strike at any moment. i think i have rambled past the point for too long but i am just being introspective perhaps since i was reading posts i made when i was 13-15 and man i was so deeply unhappy and affected by the fact that a mentally ill kid like that should not have been running in the communities i did. im happy that despite everything and all my (honestly not super serious like i didnt do much wrong but be a dumb and sometimes unempathetic teenager, ofc im not excusing myself but its so far back that i feel detached to it) mistakes i can be somewhat proud of the person i am now— and keep going on the path of self discovery and continue to evolve past that

#rambles #personal #to tie back to the last post which is unrelated but i thought id say #stuff that is personal whether tagged or no isnt ok to rb #use common sense sparingly #if not sure just ask (*^__^*)

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estergen · 2 years

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Im so fucking tired of all of this, so fucking tired, my body hurts all the time, because i toughed it out and pushed through, when all i wanted was to back down, i was told just keep at it, and my body destroyed itself because of it, and now i get no help, i dont even get to know what is actually wrong, and what i should be doing to fix it, i just have to deal with it all by myself. I hate the society that has been built by my ancestors that is slowly killing me, and i hate i can do nothing to change it, and one day if i survive im going to be 40 and the life around us is going to be dead, and my children will inherent a baren earth, and its all because of greedy fucking idots who have all the power. Im so fucking tired of it all. And i dont even get the saving grace of gay love im trapped in a shitty house with people who make my life worse. I bet if 4 years ago i had said fuck university and got a job i wouldnt have chronic pain, and me and pais would be living together, making our lives. And like, i knew 4 years ago university wasnt the right path! I was like wow i should do anything else, and as a half closeted terified trans girl i couldnt figure out other options, other life paths, and so i just did it. I want to kill myself but im alive for the people i love, because i dont want them to carry the pain of losing someone close to them for the rest of their lives, and thats it. And im posting this bullshit on tumblr dot com because i need someone to hear me but how the fuck do you go up to the face of someone you love and say all of this. So whatever

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stop-weighting-for-change · 2 years

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UPDATE 8

Wow! So it’s been almost 2 years (like literally almost to the day) since I posted "Update 1″, and boy oh boy did a lot of shit happen.

- I went back to work - I never got that internship that woulda changed my life (oh well) - I’ve gotten to travel way more than I woulda thought possible 2 years ago (not the traveling itself, I love to travel and have access/ability to but moreso in terms of the pandemic/state of the world) - I still don’t have a great grasp on my depression. I know I have it. I know. And its definitely a rollercoaster but shit triggers me and idk what to do ya know? I end up feeling like a zombie. - I almost got my dream job. But didn’t. When I say dream job, I mean I have literally been dreaming about it since I was 12 or 13 years old. I reapplied when a reopening was posted but I think I’m just not meant to be. Like that scene in La La Land (god I love La La Land, like its my favorite movie of all time kinda love) when Mia is explaining that maybe her dreams will never pan out bc maybe shes not good enough? Or maybe she’s just one of those (many) people who has always wanted something but its just a pipe dream that needs to be moved on from. Its not like thats what I want, but its whats realistic and you cant be disappointed if your expectation is disappointment, ya know? - My sister moved out and I’m really happy for her but things seem to be happening for her and other people and it feels like everyone around me and I’m just stuck??? I’m not sure theres a better way for me to explain it other than that. Its no ones fault, but everyday of my adult like theres this slight, nagging feeling that my life is simply one long series of unfortunate events. And yes, good things are woven in and its not like everyday is some big, unbearable catastrophe but some days definitely are. I really don’t know how else to explain it. I think its beyond depression. I’d never hurt myself or someone else but I had this shit realization the other day that I don’t remember the last time I was like really, truly, unbelievably happy (not just with one thing, or day, or event) but like GENUINELY happy in life. And I don’t know that I ever will be again. Idk I sound so shitty rn. - I hate my job but love the people. I also have no other options in life it feels like. WHAT DO I DO?!

Anyways the absolute lunacy of the bullets above, I’m trying to move on in/through life as well as possible. And I wanna become better. In all facets. I gained a lot weight back. Which makes me angry and disappointed. My highest ever was 197 and the other day I was 195 again. Again. Can you believe that shit? My family while I love them are bad influences and have been for a really, really long time. I feel like I just give in bc 1) their expectation is that I’m fat and thats never gonna change so who are you kidding and 2) were all doing it (eating and being fat) so who cares? and 3) its like they think im judging them or being unfair to them when I wanna better myself. Idk. Its not intentionally malicious but the consequences feel dire.

SO ANYWAYS!!!!!!!! God I need to learn to shut up. I’ve lost 3lbs in the last week and back to 192. Slowly making progress but FOR REAL THIS TIME. And I know I said that last time, but circumstances are different and theres no more excuses.

On that note I’m gonna go to Safeway rn and go buy some fruit bc I’m hungry and if I wanna eat thats what I’m gonna let myself eat. I know I shouldnt starve but also eating like a piggly wiggly has so far gotten me no where.

I’m gonna end this here. This is therapeutic for reezie and I feel better just reflecting on this insane rambly episode I’ve just had. Yall pray for me for reezie and I shall be doing the same. LETS STOP WEIGHTING FOR CHANGE YALL!

P.S. My cat keeps walking across my chest and around the room yapping to be let out but I don’t get why he doesn’t get that I love him too much and I wanna be around him 24/7 bc he makes me feel better. But also he’s a cat and a dummy at that so I guess I should be happy he spends any time indulging me at all.

P.P.S. I, like the rest of the world, am in the middle of a Stranger Things Binge and volume 2 of ST4 was released today. V1 was released at the end of May but I waited til now to watch bc I wanted to rewatch and I wanted to be able watch all of ST4 at once and not have to wait which was deff the right call. I started V1 yesterday and finished it this morning and am now on ep 8 of 9 and idk WHAT I woulda done if I woulda had to wait a month to continue, like fuckkkkk that lmao. But anywho I’m gonna continue but I want some fruit to have so I’m gonna finish the other half of ep 8 and then ep 9 when I get back from the store (also holy shit ep 9 is apparently 150 mins???? thats 2 and 1/2 hours thats a fucking movie bro!!!!) but yeah. I’m lowkey stressed to finish it though bc 1) i lowkey dont like this whole steve/nancy plot. I know a lot of ppl do but I really like her w jonathan so yeah. and 2) I’m scared Eddie will die. He’s a really great character and I think hes really cute and its not fair that the worst has been assumed of him. I relate to that. I know some major character is expected to die in these final two eps and I really hope its not him, but also I really hope they were just lying to us bc I literally dont want anyone to die. I mean mike is prob my least fav but still i love mike and dont want him to die. also theres no way in hell theyd ever kill off finn wolfhard so thats an unrealistic expectation anyway. So heres to eddie, steve, and all those mfers bc I really do love this show and these crazy ass characters. But most of all, to my fav character, erica. BC YA CAN’T SPELL AMERICA WITHOUT ERICA BITCHHHH.

#weightloss #weight loss #weightlossdiary #thinspo #gettingstronger #getting stronger #getting healthier #gettinghealthier #losingweight #losing weight #feeling positive

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hshouse · 2 years

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Hi, I have a question! Do you have some struggle with what you work in vs your values and ideology? And if so, how do you deal with it? I'm studying in a completely different field (communication) and I struggle a bit with it, because I do love a lot of stuff that you can do it with it that I love but also some stuff that really clash with how I see things and what I believe in and the goal would be to work in a place that have a good balance of my values and reality, and I have found some but who knows where I will find work and I'm quite worried about ending by doing it in 'the bad way'

Hi bby,

I don’t lmao. I have many reasons for that. First, someone is going to be doing what I am doing if not me. My job is not literally evil like cutting people’s heads off. So if someone is gonna be doing this, I much rather it be me, someone with compassion, openmindness and a willingness to listen and change. Like I kinda despise the idea that professions that are seen as bad should be thus avoided by “good” people. Like district attorneys for example are not going to go away. Instead of saying that only shitty people do that job, why not staff the offices with people that actually care about the defendants and the criminal justice system. You know what I mean? It feels like an easy way out to say “thats an evil job anyone there is evil” cause that fixes nothing, you just feel morally superior.

Second, there are things, good things, that my job will be the reason I can do it. I have many many plans on what I’m going to do with my money to give back. I could quit and work in a non profit but I feel like my monetary contributions will outweigh any labor contributions I could give.

Third, you gotta work with what you got. Again, there is a pressure on women and specially woc to be model citizens morally. That is a very obvious way of keeping women out of positions of power. If all ceos are evil and if u are one you are vil then women will avoid that label thus leaving the position to…… men :) nah babes don’t catch me on that train. I refuse to comply to patriarchy’s goals in this “woke” cloaked way. By all means if all men decide to quit my job I’ll go with them. Until then. No.

Fourth, I used to be way more of an extremist than I am today. I’ve found that extremely left winged people are fans of dodging responsibility by blaming it all on big things. Like how easy it is to just say “everything that is wrong is because of capitalism” and sit back down? Like wow woke but… what did you do? Who’s life did you make better by doing that little performance? I’m much more micro today. I think about how I will be able to give my doorman a huge christmas cash bonus. About how I’m going to spend the rest of my life committed to paying for my 10 year old cousin’s life long therapy/assisted living. How I’m going to give a disney trip to my childhood nanny in brazil and her kids. You know? Maybe I’m not changing the world but I am committed in making other people’s lives lighter around me. That’s enough for me.

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unidentifiedfuckingthing · 3 months

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recent discussions of zionism have been making me think a lot about the way your worldview is influenced by the information youre given. like, obvious. but i think it would be fair to say that most people who hold heinous views do because they think it's a moral necessity. like, the average white racist is participating in a hundreds-of-years self-sustaining dialogue of heavily doctored or completely falsified knowledge out of which beliefs about a lack of humanity or a fundamental danger of other races is a rational and morally important belief. the average sexual conservative does believe gender deviancy and sexual freedom pose a danger to their children. theyre told this and given believable examples. i think the majority genuinely do believe this and aren't just using it as an excuse when challenged. likewise the average liberal zionist isn't just mindlessly bloodthirsty, there's a narrative of both facts and doctored information that informs their understanding of events, and within that narrative they're behaving completely rationally. the problem with trying to bridge the gap between less-true narratives and more-true narratives is that a major challenge to a person's fundamental worldview is invariably going to be rejected especially concerning one's own safety or the safety of the vulnerable. if you were trying to argue with someone and said, like, "joe biden literally was never president of the united states." "the sky was red last week." it would be completely reasonable for them to be like, wow you're a nut who is so divorced from reality theres no point in ever talking to you. or i guess a more equivalent statement would be, like, "actually people love to be raped." like, that's the exact same level of real & rational.

& as far as i can see the cure to this is materialism, right? for anyone whose beliefs are based in any kind of internal logic the bridge is naturally to prove the value of whether things have been proven to be true, by who, how reliably. i think most people have an approximate instinct to this effect, tempered by an understanding of systemic bias, and thats why people will categorically believe something said on fox news but not by a dancing young adult on tiktok, or vice versa. people need to understand the relationship between provable facts and things that happen, and how to keep confidence scores on different narratives and what biases might inform different narratives. all of those were things i "was taught" in school, but being told to trust the facts from conservative or liberal authorities who are evidently also selective in their narratives comes across more as gaslighting than the natural pursuit of truth; i feel confident saying this is probably true for anyone with any kind of view whatsoever,0 which is the main reason i don't feel at all confident in the idea of like "reeducation camp" type politic. i think in terms of highly selective narratives trying to split the difference between trusted authorities (trusted to fundamentally understand the same truths as you) and someone who is able & interested in introducing a radically new narrative would be really fucking difficult and necessarily really individualized, so barring that i don't really think it's a possible pursuit using institutional power. i think organic & large scale interest in a nuanced & true narrative, an interest in & education on how to convince other people to come to nuanced conclusions, and a system in which the rational thing is to be kind, is the only realistic way to make people in aggregate want to stop holding shitty views. like, you can make it more costly to be shitty, and that way it doesnt matter what they actually want, and historically that has worked. but also like, past a pretty modest threshold, just makes people even more resistant to changing their minds.

anyway i feel like any discussion about, like, "what to do with all the racists and misogynists and rapists after the revolution" or "whether someone being racist is bad or fine if its only when theyre in psychosis" or whatever that comes to any conclusion other than this either just sucks or is kicking the can down the road

#long post

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naranciiiasolos · 6 months

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the day i took senior photos made me actually want to kms. that day i felt so ugly and big. i felt like everything was so ugly. i remember thinking when i saw my friends having their photo taken “ wow they all just naturally look pretty “ after my photos were taken i actually felt like crying in that moment. i saw them and just wanted to burst into tears because i literally thought i looked so ugly. i hated everything. i hated how shiny my face was, i hated how my eyes looked i hated how my smile looked crooked i hated my double chin. i hated everything. i hated how big i looked no matter what. but i thought to myself “ hey no its ok cause when you get home you can show these photos to your mom and dad and they’ll call you pretty “ i came home already feeling super shitty about myself. i show my mom the photos and she just stared. i showed my dad and showed him the one i choose and he just went “ i dont like the one you picked “ i kinda laughed it off and walked away and went straight to my room. i ripped those photos. i locked myself in my room for like 4 hours literally just crying and telling myself how much i hated myself. i dont know why. like yea i still feel lile this but why was i so damn dramatic. i think i just wanted somebody to call my pretty that day. i usut wantef to hesr one nice thing about me. thats what i dont like about myself. i feel like im ugly because people dont call me pretty. im slowly starting to like the way i look. im kinda learning to love my double chin and my stomach. sl its improvement. but i still need to get diet. back in 2017-2022 my dad liked to have these conversations with me about my weight. i always hated them but ik hes just looking out for me. i just dont like the way he does it. he liked to compare me and sisters weight a lot. he actually compared me to my sister a lot. my sister noticed it too. i love my sister. we never show much affection towards each other. we almost never hug or say i love you. but i think we both just know. we never have to say it. i miss her. shes the only thing that keeps me sane tbh. she was a huge comfort to me back in 2020. she didnt have to say anything. just knowing shes listening or is by my side is enough for me. i was listening to an old playlist i made back in 2020 whoch made me remember everything that happened that year. somebody came out for me to my parents. my parents are cool with it i think. idk i just remember my dad having a talk woth my sister and me in their room. when they called me into their room i got the feeling that they knew. so i already expected my dad’s reaction. he was mad that i didnt tell them first. i didnt want to. i was scared that everything was going to change. i didnt want it to change. i didnt want them to look at me differently. i was scared they were going to completely stop talking to me. they mentioned it jn the past. so ofc i wasnt going tk tell them. i remember having a full on oanic attack. i literally couldnt breath. i was crying a whole bunch. i was suffocating. i was terrified about what he was going to tell me. after he went on gis rant he stopped talking to me. until the next day. he walked into my room and told me he loved me no matter what he just didnt want me to such a big decision early on into my life. the thing is i knew since i was in 7th grade. ive just been questioning if i felt the same about men. i still dont know but i remember him crying and telling me how he was sorry for how he acted. he hugged me and it was like a 10 min hug. i love my dad. but that year i was kinda pushed away from him my dads relationship with me kinda changed. he seemed more distant from me. he has gotten better. in fact hes a lot more accepting. we just havent talked about that incident since. tbh idk how i even got here. but i think i need therapy. but i really feel embarrassed of telling my parents

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