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thelostgirl21 · 6 months

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Okay... but I've just realised (thanks to this beautiful gifset) that, when Jaskier asked "What are you doing here?" to Geralt, the question was a very direct one, as if Jaskier already knew that Geralt's presence there was obviously no coincidence.

And, of course, the answer he got wasn't: "I went looking for you because I missed having you in my life, was worried about you, and heard you'd gotten yourself into trouble. So, I came here to rescue you and ask if, perhaps, you'd want us to go get some ale and talk about what happened..."

It was: "I need your help".

Because that's what Jaskier does: care about and help people. And Geralt came back into his life because he needed his help and expected Jaskier to still care enough to agree to help him.

Whereas the only personal request that Radovid ever made to Jaskier was for him to sing a song...

And he told Jaskier:

Yet, the very first thing that Radovid ever told Jaskier about himself was:

i.e. A song very much NOT about a white-haired Witcher.

Literally, the things Jaskier learned about him, in chronological order, are that:

- He's good at randomly catching lutes.

- Oh no, he's hot.

- He's long wanted to see Jaskier in person... what?!

- His favorite song is "Song of the Seven".

- Oh! Good! He's a fan!

- His name is Radovid...

- ...Comma, PRINCE?!?!?!

So, Jaskier knew that Radovid loved "Song of the Seven" the most even before he ever knew that he was talking to the crown prince of Redania named Radovid.

And what did that ridiculous spoon of a prince do?

Ask him to pick a song of his choice while gently trying to orient said choice towards a song that others would love to hear him sing.

It may be a small detail but, even in his private quarters, Radovid is already making choices for the benefit of all in attendance rather than allowing himself to be selfish by demanding from Jaskier the song that he would most wish to hear him sing.

And, after Jaskier surprises him by choosing to be emotionally open and vulnerable with him - singing something to him directly from his heart - Radovid shows gratefulness and appreciation by making the effort of learning his song and attempting to sing it back to him.

On top, of course, of lowering his own mask and allowing himself to be honest about his feelings, who he is, and agreeing to do what he can do to help Jaskier in his search for Rience.

Radovid is all about reciprocity, taking other people's needs into consideration, and not taking anything Jaskier is willing to offer him for granted.

And, after Jaskier was hurt by the mistake he made, he literally stopped expecting or believing that he was entitled to receive anything from Jaskier anymore.

So, when Jaskier asked Radovid the question "Why are you here?", it almost feels like a question directed at Radovid, but also at Destiny, or the gods in general, because, somehow, he went searching for his family... and Radovid was the first person that crossed his path.

Like "something" was trying to let Jaskier know that Radovid is now a part of that family, too, and he wasn't meant to get rid of him the way he did that morning.

He also discovered that Radovid told the truth about having given his royal security detail the slip before coming to see him and Ciri, as all the guards and servants that were assigned to him have been violently massacred in his absence...

And now, there he is... weeping alone in a corner, defenseless, surrounded by the corpses of the people that were supposed to keep him safe but can obviously no longer do anything to help him...

The crown prince of a Kingdom that the Nilfgaardian Empire has just declared war upon (and therefore, a prime target for capture to use as a negotiation tool with King Vizimir).

And what is Radovid, Comma Prince, concerned about the most?

Taking up too much of Jaskier's valuable time...

Like, for fuck's sake, Radovid!

All you did was answer Jaskier's question regarding what had happened here, you spoon!

You were offering Jaskier your time and knowledge. Not the other way around!

There's no need for you to apologize for freaking existing, and perhaps needing a bit of support given that the reason all of your guards are dead - and you're now stuck in such a vulnerable position - is that you ditched said guards the night before to keep Jaskier and Ciri safe from them!

If you'd done as you were expected to do, chances are that you would all have been on your way to Tretogor by now.

And, okay, granted, Jaskier and Ciri would probably have been glaring at you the whole way there, trying to escape, and hating you forever (which would've been a bad thing).

BUT, you and your whole royal security detail wouldn't have been at Aretuza during the coup; so I'm sure that, at least, they would have been happy to be, you know, not dead, and helping you get back home in one piece!

So, although you had no idea something bad would be happening to your guards if you just ran off on them, you still chose to put yourself at risk by wandering alone at night in the woods, and refusing to use force to convince Ciri and Jaskier to go with you.

It wasn't a perfect plan, but I think Jaskier is starting to get a better grasp of the type of pressure you were dealing with, and seeing how you might have made choices that seemed to be "the least bad option".

I know I've seen some comments essentially going "Jaskier is such a good person to consider still helping Radovid after he's betrayed him", and I'm not denying that.

But I like to personally think that part of what was going on in his brain, in that moment, was realizing the risks that Radovid had already taken to keep him and his family safe, and the mistake Jaskier himself had made earlier, at least.

Because, when it comes down to it, I've always felt like it was a bit unreasonable for Jaskier to have expected Radovid to 100% trust him with everything he knew, and completely let his own guards down around him, when Jaskier himself couldn't do the same with him.

Each time I watch the scene in the shed, I feel like Jaskier was testing Radovid's loyalties by letting him know that the magical barrier only lasted until dawn, while utterly ignoring what Radovid was actually trying to tell him.

Jaskier might have wanted to trust him, but he couldn't - not yet. So, how could he have expected Radovid to spontaneously share with him everything that worried him, too, or every detail of what he was planing to do in an attempt to fix things?

In a way, I can't help but feel like they are both way too smart and analytical for their own good during that scene.

Like, I know we keep saying that Radovid should have told Jaskier that he wanted to go see Ciri (and I don't exactly disagree), but the problem is that Radovid, up until that point, was operating on the belief that:

- Dijkstra and Philippa were planning to expose and execute Vilgefortz and his spies before Nilfgaard had any chance to know that they were onto them.

And had that messenger not been killed and intercepted, technically, they may very well have succeeded in that endeavor.

But Nilfgaard learned of Redania's plans and were able to turn the tables on them. Something that Radovid wouldn't have known.

So, if we go with the scenario of what was supposed to happen at Thanedd, had Ciri agreed to ally herself with Redania, then every vassal state / kingdom still loyal to Cintra would have joined the North against the Nilfgaardian Empire.

With that level of support, it would technically have been enough to crush any hope of Nilfgaard ever winning a battle against the Northern Kingdoms, and thus, averted a second war between these two superpowers from happening.

At least, for the time being.

From Radovid's P.OV., knowing what he knows, Ciri agreeing to come with them would have, indeed, made everything easier for, well - pretty much everyone, really!

From a personal standpoint, he would have completed the job his brother had given him, and would no longer have needed to keep dealing with Philippa or Dijkstra.

Jaskier would also have gotten what he wanted; i.e. Ciri at the head of the most powerful army on the Continent (by combining Redania's forces with Cintra's and every single smaller Kingdom loyal to them) and able to keep herself safe from her enemies.

And with these two problems out of the way, it would have been much easier for Jaskier and Radovid to be together.

But the thing is that - according to the intel that Radovid had access to by that point- the 2nd war would also have been avoided, and countless lives would have been saved.

And I don't think that it would have been too far fetched to believe that Radovid might have hoped that Ciri's arrival at the Redanian court might have shaken things up a bit there, too.

First, because she's the granddaughter of Queen Calanthe - a headstrong, fierce warrior queen whose authority was greatly respected by her subjects. So, if Ciri has inherited some of her temperament (though hopefully not her ideals), then she wouldn't have been so easy to control and manipulate.

Whereas, from what we've seen, King Vizimir was pretty much likely to go with other people's ideas as long as they were presented to him in a way where he felt like he was the one making the decisions, told that they would reflect well on him and his Kingdom, and that there would be no annoying complaints for him to deal with.

Second, because it's doubtful that she would have wanted to be parted from Geralt and Yennefer, either; and things would likely have been much safer at court with these two around.

And if Radovid's initial plan of just "knocking at the door" had worked, then Ciri would have been in the same room as Jaskier when he would have showed up there, and she could have been able to make the decision of at least hearing out what the prince had to say, or not.

The choice would have been up to her and, had she refused, then at least Radovid would have done all he could to attempt to prevent yet more bad things from happening.

But then, the he suddenly found himself in a situation where, if he wanted to talk to Ciri, not only did it have to wait until morning - since anyone trying to enter the cabin would be blown back by a powerful magical force field (let's all give a good round of applause to Jaskier, that thought stepping out of an incredibly strong protective barrier to go investigate a potential threat with nothing to protect himself but a lute was a better idea than remaining INSIDE the impenetrable protective force that would have held until dawn...) - but he would need to request permission from Jaskier first.

Except Jaskier's job is to look after Ciri and make decisions that are the best for HER until her parents return. Not make decisions that are the best to avoid a war between Nilfgaard and the North (among others)!

So imagine, for a moment, that Radovid had chosen to explain to Jaskier everything he already knew...

That he'd told him that the Redanian spymasters suspected that Vilgefortz was working with Nilfgaard, had spies working with him from within Aretuza, and that the second war was imminent.

Imagine that he'd explained to Jaskier that Ciri, and the amount of political power she represents, might be the only thing that could sufficiently tip the scale in the Northern Kingdoms' favor to prevent another war from happening.

Imagine that he'd told him that, while he'd ditched the small army (a.k.a. his "security detail") that had been meant to accompany him while he "went to see him for information as per Philippa's request" to prevent risking them attempting to take the princess by force, he still felt that he'd had to do what he could to convince her to come to Redania with them of her own free will.

That he couldn't, in good conscience, let the war happen, knowing he hadn't done something to at least try to prevent it.

Imagine he'd told Jaskier exactly what was actually at stake...

First, there's no guarantee that Jaskier would have believed him, and there's no way he could have proven to him that he was telling the truth, either.

Second, Jaskier might have felt like he was betraying Geralt and Yennefer's trust - should he have decided to allow the Prince of Redania to attempt to convince their daughter to ally with his nation to help stop a war from happening.

And third, in the event that Jaskier had refused Radovid's request to be given a chance to speak with Ciri, then Jaskier might have felt like he was responsible for having made the wrong call should a war indeed be declared upon the Northern Kingdoms, because the North lacked enough power, and support, to stay Nilfgaard's hand.

That's a whole lot of responsibilities to drop on Jaskier's shoulders, and a lot of lives to risk on the hope that Jaskier might believe he is telling the truth.

And Radovid does not know what Jaskier himself knows, either. So, he's unaware that Geralt does not want Ciri to become involved in politics, and be forced to take sides (at least, by that point).

The two of them are both operating on the limited amount of information they both have, and trying to make decisions that appear to be the best course of action for everyone involved.

And when Jaskier asked the question "And what do you want?" Radovid clearly hesitated, then came up with an answer that I believe was 100% honest, but clearly evaded the question.

And Jaskier never confronted him about it. He didn't insist that this wasn't what he asked him, nor attempt to get to the bottom of the situation.

I'm 99.9% sure that he did notice how Radovid avoided giving him a straight answer (yes, I know, there's nothing straight about either of them), though, because he immediately became suspicious and looked outside.

But, instead, he gave Radovid the information that the force field would stop working at dawn, later pretended to still be asleep when dawn came, and waited to see what Radovid would do with the information.

One of the most heartbreaking things, to me, however, is that Radovid's answer, when Jaskier gave him that information, was to tell him "I'm scared, Jaskier"...

And Jaskier didn't ask him why he was afraid...

He didn't attempt to investigate what scared him and if - by any chance - it could be scary enough that he might be tempted to do something stupid.

I'm not blaming Jaskier, by the way... Their situation was extremely complex, and Jaskier had his own fears and issues to deal with and manage as best he could.

Radovid is not the only one breaking my heart in that scene, because I think that Jaskier has such a hard time believing that someone could genuinely love him the way Radovid does, that he's unwittingly setting him up to go behind his back by avoiding to fully acknowledge and investigate Radovid's fears.

I think it's easier for Jaskier to believe that Radovid was just so smart that he knew exactly what to say to him, and what to do, to encourage him to lower his own barriers around him and start trusting him - just so he could try to take Ciri from them...

...than to believe that Radovid really would be able to see him and appreciate him just the way he is, and that the connection between them is real.

So yes, Radovid did technically "fail" Jaskier's test. But sadly, I think that Jaskier stopped truly listening to Radovid the moment he decided to test him.

If Jaskier had been brave enough to confront him about the evasiveness of his answer and the reasons why he was scared - if he'd shown Radovid that he genuinely cared about his safety and wanted to help him face those fears, and/or for them to find solutions to Radovid's problems together - Jaskier might have been able to prevent him from making that mistake in the first place.

But, instead, Jaskier came up with his own narrative that would confirm his own fears of never being enough for anyone; and sadly, I don't think that anything Radovid could have done or said, in that moment, would have changed his mind.

And poor Radovid internalized the hurt and heartbreak he saw reflected there as if he was the only one responsible for it.

So then, when Jaskier offers to help Radovid get back to safety, he's confused that he would even wish to help him after the way he managed to so profoundly wound and disappoint him earlier.

Radovid, you may not know this, but Jaskier once told his very best friend in the whole wide world "People do stupid things when they think they're trapped in a corner. And they say stupid things. That's what friends do. They come back."

And somehow, you "came back", because Destiny apparently decided to take pity on Jaskier's own issues and insecurities, and urge him to take a second, closer, deeper look.

And it's not even being subtle about it!

Like "Oi! PRINCE. TRAPPED. IN. A. LITERAL. CORNER. WITH. NOWHERE. SAFE. TO. GO. He told you he was scared earlier, and you didn't even ask him why! He didn't need someone to tell him he was brave, and then wait for him to do something stupid come morning, Jaskier! What he needed, was someone investigating what terrified him, and offering him support. Do you get it now? Prince. Corner. Scared. Trapped. Needing help, but not even able to believe he's entitled to it or not knowing how to ask for it! So fucking help him, for fuck's sake!"

And Jaskier needs to offer, because Radovid apparently keeps putting other people's needs first. So, chances probably are that Radovid won't ask unless he knows for sure it's okay and safe for him to ask anything of anyone whose job is not to tend to him.

Because, in his world, Radovid's main survival strategy seems to have been to constantly provide narcissistic supply to his brother's oversized ego (to be "adored" and protected by the King), by cheering him on from the sidelines, while drawing as little attention as he could to himself.

In Radovid's world, he doesn't matter: he's a spare, easy to cast aside and forget about. As long as the King's pleased with him, he's safe.

(Or he used to be, before the whole Hedwig incident.)

You shouldn't have to listen to him, because he's of no use to anyone and he doesn't matter.

He's no more than a pretty reflective surface for his brother to admire himself in whenever there's no other more interesting image of himself to gaze upon.

That's Radovid's job. Letting others hog the spotlight, coming in second, and stopping to exist whenever convenient.

And when Jaskier says that he can't go with him because he needs to find his family first, Radovid immediately offers to go risk his own life, and use whatever resources he can spare, to help Jaskier be reunited with the people he loves most like it's the most natural thing in the world for a prince to do!

No wonder Jaskier couldn't figure him out... He's used to people just spontaneously dumping all of their issues on him while expecting him to do or say something about it.

While Radovid is going "you don't have to listen to me or care about my issues, but maybe I could do something to help you with yours?"

All the while being the one that would likely benefit the most from having someone genuinely listening to and helping him.

Jaskier: What are you doing here?

Geralt: I need your help.

Jaskier: *Sighs* Figures...

Jaskier: Why are you here?

Radovid: Came looking for my guards, didn't go well, now there's a war and I'm hiding in a corner... Story of my life that I don't want to bore you with... But hey! Maybe I could help you go find and rescue your family instead?

Jaskier: !!!???

#Radovid #Jaskier #Radskier #The Witcher #My Posts #My Thoughts #This started with a few tags and I winded up with an overload of feels and a freaking essay!#You know the usual...#Stupid dumb prince and stupid dumb bard with their stupid dumb issues...#Ruining my life and everyone else's

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blainesebastian · 1 year

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because

words: 2,219 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (anon request) "reader jokingly brings up the fact that she has always wanted the clichés in a relationship but have never been with someone who would want to give that to her" warnings: none notes: requests are open for now :) thanks to anyone who's left me one! appreciate it xx tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylespresleyhearted, @rairaielv

You’re still pretty new to the whole interview thing—this being your first major breakthrough in film with an upcoming project. Not that you’re not proud of everything you’ve done prior, of course you are, those steps are what’s gotten you to this point. Starring in a film you can really sink your teeth into. Great plot, wonderful character development, intrigue and opportunities for growth.

And it certainly doesn’t hurt that your co-star is Austin Butler.

The whole experience of working with him has been an absolute blur, you’re just trying to take things as they come at you—one day at a time. You can’t quite put into words how great it’s been to make this film with him, that he’s so incredibly humble in his experiences, that even though he’s done a film like Elvis, he’s still willing to learn and keep himself down to earth in how he presents himself, how he talks to people.

You’ve become really good friends over this entire process and, admittedly, you’ve been thinking about Austin in a not so friend way either but. How can anyone not have a crush on this man?

Regardless, you’ve kept that (for the most part) completely to yourself. The last thing you want to do is somehow disrupt your working relationship, especially when things are going so well. There was only one slight mix up and Austin’s never brought it up again so you’re ninety percent sure that it didn’t even happen. One too many drinks afterhours with people from set and all of a sudden you’re spilling state secrets out to Austin when he tries to make sure you get home safe. Not your finest moment, though you don’t remember it being too embarrassing?

Definitely something capable of keeping you up at night—that and admitting during an interview that you never had an ex that indulged in all the clichés of dating.

It’s like one of those early hours nightmares, your clock burning 2:35AM into the side of your head, as you stare at the ceiling. Along with your eighth grade prom date fiasco and that one time you told that hot waiter ‘you too’ when he said ‘enjoy your food’. Just…utterly putting you in shambles. And maybe it’s not something to worry about, you’re still getting used to interviews and not overtalking when you’re nervous. Austin’s given you some tips about breathing and really listening to the question, counting to three before replying so you’re sure about what’s going to come out of your mouth.

And you suppose it’s not the worse thing? Not like it’s a childhood story you’ve divulged and overshared that you should be ashamed about. It’s just…you mentioned to the interviewer that you’re actually kind of fond of all the old-school cliché things that come with dating. Fresh flowers, goodnight texts, someone that’ll call just to hear your voice, good morning texts, sending random pictures throughout the day of things that remind you of the other person.

Your past two relationships didn’t bother with any of those things, they were fast paced and kinda…thrown together? It feels so hard to describe them now that you’re outside of it, and it took you a while to actually listen to your heart that you weren’t as happy as you wanted to be anyways. There’s a difference between being single and just settling—you don’t want to do that anymore.

Especially if it doesn’t come with all the romances and small pieces of love languages that you feel it deserves.

It doesn’t have to be overdramatic or complicated…you’re just asking for effort. And the typical clichés? kinda demonstrate that.

“There was literally no reason for me to divulge that on live television,” You place your phone on your shoulder, holding it against your ear with your head. Your friend Katrina gives a soft laugh in response, “I mean, really, all the interviewer asked me was if I had a date to the Golden Globes.”

But that simple question just popped off the whole thing about why you’re single, about why you’re taking time to find someone right and not just jumping into a relationship. Then, of course, there are always those teasing questions about Austin—about your friendship, how sweet and humble he is, how handsome. Like…that’s all very obvious but why do people talk to you like you’re supposed to do something about it?

To threaten everything you’ve already built with him, personal and professional wise? No thank you.

“I think the real question everyone was asking is whether you’re goin’ with Austin.” A loud sigh leaves your lips, tipping your head back to look at the ceiling of your living room as you lie on your back on the couch. “There are no sighs when you have a man that hot in your life.”

A soft chuckle vibrates in your throat, shaking your head because…everyone (meaning Katrina) on the outside thinks it’s easy having a crush on your friend. That you could just…cross that bridge, build that connection if you really wanted to. But this isn’t a movie, you don’t have the script right in front of you, you have no idea what’s going to happen if you decide to do that.

And you’re not sure if it’s worth that risk.

“You won’t know if you don’t ask.”

“Oh my god,” You exclaim, amusement wrapped around your tone, “Are you my best friend or relationship therapist?”

“I get the privilege of being both,” Katrina grins, you can almost hear it as she speaks, “For free.”

Rolling your eyes, you can’t help but smile, playing with a loose thread in the sweater you’ve got on. “All I called you for was to ask if we were still on for brunch tomorrow morning and if you think I made a fool out of myself on TV.”

Katrina sighs softly and hums and you can tell that she’s backing down, for now, “Yes always to brunch and no, you did nothing that was embarrassing. You were just honest—nothing wrong with that.” Then she pauses…and you already know she’s back at it again,

“Besides, maybe someone was watching and taking notes.”

You run a hand over your face, shaking your head—God, “Goodbye.” You laugh gently, pressing the red button before she can start herself in on another rant.

Setting your phone down on your coffee table, you’re considering ordering take-out or conquering laziness and going down your street to the taco counter on the corner when there’s a knock at your door. Your eyebrows draw together in confusion because you’re not expecting anyone…unless it’s your neighbor. She’s older and her cat is constantly getting stuck in the closet and she always has trouble getting her out. Sighing, you draw yourself up and off the couch, wandering over without looking through the peep hole.

Which is how your jaw almost ends up on the floor.

It’s Austin, which is not exactly surprising, he’s been to your apartment plenty of times—just not like this. He’s got a giant bouquet of black roses in his arms, almost kinda comical for him because he’s tall and skinny and it feels like it throws him off balance somehow. He’s also got a small white teddy bear, a maroon heart sewn onto its chest and you kinda…open and close your mouth because you’re so confused and slightly overwhelmed, you have no idea what to say.

Except the first thing that comes to mind, “Well, you’re definitely not Mrs. Deborah.”

He laughs lightly, pulling the flowers away from his face a bit so that they don’t obstruct his view as he steps forward into your apartment. “Was hopin’ I had the right door,” He jokes, “Hard to see around these things.”

Closing the door behind him, you’re still completely thrown off as to what exactly he’s doing here with these things like, “It’s uh—it’s not my birthday?”

Austin raises his eyebrows, “I know that,” He replies warmly and then begins talking about the roses, “I know gettin’ black ones is a little strange but I figured with all the…horror movies you like and Halloween aesthetic that you have up all year—”

Amused laughter wraps around your tone as you speak, “Halloween is a feeling, not a season.”

“—I figured you’d appreciate these.” He smiles and hands them over.

Your stomach does this ridiculous flip-flopping, cheeks kissing pink because you’re so confused and stunned. You take them carefully, pressing your nose and lips into a few flowers, breathing them in. Austin smiles and uses the bear to press a kiss to your cheek before giving you that too.

“I…not that I’m not completely in love with these,” You say after a moment, almost hesitantly, “But why?”

Austin hums, shrugging his shoulders lightly as he pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “Because.”

And that stirs something heated and distinct in your chest. You’re attempting not to overthink such a simple answer. Because.

Letting out a breath and preventing yourself from spilling your thought process out, you give him a soft smile and bite down on the inside of your cheek. You turn to take the flowers into the kitchen, finding scissors to cut the ends of the stems off.

“Not sure I have a vase big enough.” You chuckle, wondering if it’d make more sense to split up the large bouquet—some out here, some in your bedroom. You settle for a smaller black glass vase you’ve got dried flowers in by the windowsill and swap them out, letting the rest of the bouquet rest in the sink until you’re ready for them.

You lean against the counter, taking a long look at the flowers as the word because spins around in your head. And while you’re touched at the sentiment, at the explanation that Austin has given you—you can’t help but wonder…

“I’m assuming you saw the interview?”

Austin smiles a little, the prettiest of blushes kissing his cheeks, highlighting some of the freckles he has on his cheekbones. It’s ridiculously attractive and your stomach does a full swirl before you have to look away. There’s this itch to run your fingers through the blonde curls above his forehead.

“I did—but it’s not the main reason why I brought you those today.”

A soft self-deprecating laugh leaves your throat, “Oh no? Not because you’re pitying me?” And even though you’re joking, kind of, attempting to smile through it—you’re worried that’s the only reason he’s even here, that he somehow feels sorry for you.

“No, hey,” Austin says softly, taking a step towards you to reach out and touch your arm. He gently grasps your elbow to keep you from backing up, squeezing, his thumb rubbing back and forth. “It’s actually uh—you probably don’t even remember this but, that time when we went out to drink with the cast and crew?”

And your cheeks instantly flush red because of course you know what he’s talking about. You thought for sure you could safely assume you hadn’t said anything that’d come back to haunt you. Which is worse? This or the interview? You shake your head, running a hand over your face,

“You remember that?”

He smiles a bit and moves his hand to play with a few strands of your hair near your cheek, curling them around your ear, “Kinda hard to forget.”

And while you feel like that should somehow make it worse…it doesn’t. Austin takes a step forward, keeping the proximity close between you. You can feel the heat from his skin radiating off his body, kissing your own, pressing against your pores like a gentle embrace. It’s dizzying.

“I mean, who knows what I even said,” You attempt to play it off with a small laugh, your eyes looking into Austin’s soft blue ones.

But given where this conversation has been going, maybe you should have been prepared for Austin to reply with, “You said you had feelings for me but you were afraid to tell me.”

God. “I really need to never be allowed to drink again.”

Austin smiles, shaking his head, “Did you mean it?”

You let out a slow breath, holding his gaze as your heart begins hammering in your chest. Here’s the moment of truth, right, where there’s no barrier of a long night or too many drinks to hide your emotions. There’s no taking it back after this, and yet you feel like Austin already knows what you’re going to say.

You lick your lips before a soft laugh echoes, “Of course I meant it.”

“Good,” Austin hums, cupping your cheek with his one hand, “Because I mean this.”

He leans down to kiss you, heat exploding pleasantly in your chest, slipping between your bones and making you melt towards him. You wrap your arms around his waist, keeping him close, and you can’t help but smile against his lips as he continues the kiss before you both pull back slightly to breathe. There’s butterflies in your stomach and you feel slightly dizzy from this turn of events. All these clichés that you never thought you’d be able to experience.

Then, unable to keep the smile off your face, you lean in and nip at his lower lip.

Just because.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler fic #austin butler imagine #elvis 2022 #mccall writes things

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madameducyberversailles · 1 year

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Doing Mehndi/Henna with the 141+Los Vaqueros

In honour of the past Eid (why do I have so many undone Eid fics on my main) I will be making a set of headcannons for Eid even though it was a month ago because I want to and time is an illusion. Also, reader is South Asian-coded, and I’ll use gender-neutral pronouns but it’s kind of fem leaning due to the cultural aspect but all are welcome!!

(Also if I didn’t spell anything right please let me know I’m just writing this in a hurry I am so sorry)

Warnings: mentions of violence and war, foreign language use.

Doing Mehndi/Henna for the 141 + Los Vaqueros

There was some downtime in the base after a successful mission just a few days ago, meaning that everyone was trying to relax after the harrowing mission that took so much time and effort and caused so much pain to everyone. Finally, it was time for some rest and relaxation, and the base’s atmosphere was a little more calm than the frantic hustle just days ago. Funny how it all changes so fast, but it is what it is, and probably for the better.

You sat at a table with a small conical tube, piping a brown paste out onto your skin, using the tube as a calligrapher uses a pen, or an artist uses a paintbrush, to draw floral and fractal designs upon your skin. The reason you were being so artistic today? The downtime was just perfect, right at the end of Ramadan, meaning that it was time to celebrate not only the mission but also the completion of a religious month of fasting. The paste would dry and leave a natural, temporary tattoo on your hands, and as you painstaking created the masterpiece, people would stop by and see what you were doing.

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley:

He sees you putting some kind of paste on your arm and is...confused.

‘Bloody hell is that’ the first thing into his mind and out of his mouth, actually. Mans is big confuzzled

You tell him its Mehndi or Henna, and he...doesn’t know. Wasn’t really exposed to different cultures as a kid, and difference was not seen as something to be celebrated.

Is very curious. He appreciates the time and art, as he has tattoos that took time to make. He’s interested in what’s going on cause it’s you and he cares about what you do and how you are, shhhh

He has no idea how it works. The Hell you mean, it’s a tattoo? Doesn’t believe you. What do you mean this paste will leave a temporary tattoo? Is curious.

Will use this as an opportunity to sit with you and learn about you

If you explain it to him, he’ll not say anything and at first you think it’s because he’s disinterested, but he is actually quite focused on what you tell him and is absorbing the information. He is learning the history behind the art and like his tattoos, he has an appreciation for wearable art.

He likes watching you sketch out the designs on your skin. It’s nice to see flowers and leaves and birds and pretty things after all the blood in the military.

He will ask questions about what kind of designs, the longevity of the art, and if they’re restricted to a certain aesthetic. Will ask only a few questions, but its because he mostly likes just watching you do your thing. It’s satisfying to see it.

If you ask to do some on his arm, there is a 50/50 chance he’ll let you, because on the one hand its time consuming to do on him and wait for it to dry and he’s a busy man most of the time, but on the other its wearable art and looks relaxing. Whether or not he does let you depends on how close you guys are.

But if you hand him the mehndi tube and allow him to draw something on you...your friendship points in his mental scoreboard just skyrocket. You’re letting him make something for you to wear on your arm? Like a tattoo? You’ll wear a design a la Riley? He is willing to do anything for you now.

He’s not the best at drawing but he does have good control over his hand-eye coordination, so his designs are not that bad. He just needs time to decide what the hell to draw on you...give him ideas please. He will need your help with the tube as this man has sausages for fingers, and he’s trying, please be patient. Keep a few Q tips and tissues handy for wiping off the few mistakes he may make.

He likes more of the floral designs, especially the intricate floral fractals. Flowers are pretty, and he knows how unique designs ought to be appreciated.

He’s a bit of a perfectionist so be prepared for a numb arm afterward. But it’ll be work it when you see the joy in his eyes when he finishes it to his liking.

Will wait for it to dry with you if he’s not busy. He needs down time too, and spending time learning about something else is nice you’re also just really nice company and he feels bad that your religious holiday is being spent all alone

Will genuinely thank you if you do a design on him or let him do a design on you. It makes something in his heart warm up at the thought of knowing that he made something for someone else and its not only artistic, but you’re wearing it with pride. If you actually show it off he’ll huff about it but its a farce cause his posture improves and his chest is puffed out at the fact you’re showing it off.

If you were close enough that you did a design on him and it starts to wear away he will march up to you whatever time he can and demanding you retrace it. Or give him a new one. It’s like a friendship bracelet, GIVE!

All in all, he likes it. Anytime you do Mehndi from then on, he’ll be there, either chilling with you or getting some on himself too.

Johnny ‘Soap’ MacTavish

He spots you sitting down and squirting something on your skin.

‘What is that?’ Genuinely intrigued and curious. Likes the designs!

You did those yourself? That’s so cool! The patience and artistic ability is quite interesting to him.

If you tell him the history behind Mehndi/Henna, he’ll ask questions and engage in conversations about it. He has an appreciation for the historical aspect, and he’ll likely ask multiple questions.

He’ll watch you do it but he’ll also get fidgety after a while. You have to wait for it to dry too. But he’s not leaving! He’ll just need to move around a bit.

If you ask him to get anything for you for nourishment he will. He’ll feed you himself but also tease you while you’re at it.

Will blow on it to help it dry. When you tell him its cold he’ll just keep doing it because he’s a gremlin.

Finds it satisfying to watch. Will make suggestions on what to do next. If you incorporate it, he’d be over the moon! Just know that he’ll suggest some joke stuff and will veer from the intended aesthetic, so it’s up to you at that point.

There are some trends in mehndi where people who get their mehndi done will hide little cameos or names of people in their designs. Soap will suggest his name cheekily, believe me, but if you actually do it, he’d be forever thankful and in awe that you’d allowed him that honour. To him its like getting his name tattooed on you so its a high degree of respect given.

If you offer to do some on him he’d be glad to! He’ll eagerly give you his arm and ask you to either go ham or will have a design in mind. If you have his name in your design somewhere he will ask for yours too, it’s only fair! Bestie’s honour!

If you let him do a design on your skin, he’d be floored. He’d be so eager and happy! He grabs the tube and is ready! You’ll just have to limit him cause his imagination is going wild so please just tell him what to do before you sign some Ursula-esque contract and end up with some stupid-ass emoji or slogan like ‘Soap waz here’ on your skin for the next few days.

Surprisingly, he’s very good with handling the mehndi tube. He was named Soap for a reason, and he’s very good at putting the right amount of pressure for the right design. Not the best artistically but he takes his time and is genuinely careful with the fun. He treats it like a tattoo, it’s something he’ll spend time on.

That said, he is also an eager beaver and in his excitement he may, at any point, accidentally mess up some wet mehndi. When he does so, he will absolutely be a mess about it and apologize profusely for it. Help him please, keep some tissues nearby, please forgive him too he promises he didn’t mean it!!

If you allow it on a visible part of you he’ll be so happy to see it. If you actively show it off and tell the others he did it he’ll enthusiastically tell them how he did it because he’s just so happy he did that! Will have his arm around you too, you’re precious now for letting him do that. Will take offense when the others may not believe that he was the one who made that part of your mehndi.

When he’s done he’ll chat and eat with you, and make sure you’re okay. If your design is on the inside of your hand he will make a point to feed you himself. It makes him happy to do so.

He really likes the fractal designs, the ones that look like multiple layers of leaves or scales, lattice patterns are nice for him to look at.

If the design you give him starts to fade, he will ask for another one. Will show off every one you do for him.

Cptn. John Price

Price is not a complete stranger to the art, but it is one that he’s never really seen up close. He is aware from his life that there are other civilians he’s seen in the city have it done, he has travelled before as well and seen it too, so not entirely unfamiliar but very clueless. Seeing you do it awakens a curiosity, and he wants to know how its done.

He is a history nut, not that many people will know, so please tell him everything. Let him know the history of what you’re doing, its purpose, and how it relates to the holiday, etc.

Price enjoys thinking about other perspectives, so if you ramble on he’ll listen. It’s nice to hear some chatter about creative things rather than fearmongers, warlords, cartels and such. He’s happy to listen.

Will watch with attention as you do it, and when you talk to him he will engage in conversation as he absorbs the information. Has some questions and they’re all fairly relevant, Will periodically hum in thought or shift or gesture, showing you that he is in fact listening, and sometimes in the middle will interrupt to talk to you about something you said. The best part is when he interrupts you after you tell him the art of mehndi is thousands of years old...now he’s making mental notes and wanting to know more.

Will absolutely talk with you for the entire time you’re waiting for it to dry. Has the patience of a saint. The only time he’ll leave is if its an emergency, or if there’s a lot of paperwork he’ll just grab it from his office to do near you while you wait. Will let you talk about whatever you want. But if you let him talk you both are going to be there a while, John’s a very charismatic person and easy to talk to, so you could find yourself sitting for 3 hours just talking to him when your mehndi dries in half that time. But it’s time well spent, he absolutely appreciates it.

If you need him to get you any food, he is already on it, and regardless of which side of your hand the design is, he is a gentleman and will feed it to you. The best.

Likes to watch you do the designs, it’s satisfying to watch. He really likes quiet, creative times.

If he accidentally messes up your design by shifting and wiping it off he will not stop thinking about it for the next week. Forgive him please he didn’t mean it! He feels really bad and will offer help to fix it or clean it up. The more intricate it is the worse he feels.

If you want to do some on him, he might let you do it, just a small one in a hidden place. It has more meaning for him that way, and he also doesn’t know if he’s even allowed to have such things peak out, so he just wants to keep it on the low. Also it feels like a piece of you, someone he cares for, so its very personal to Price and he’s keeping it discreet like a well-loved secret. He’s so proud of it though. Others might notice, cause he will try to show it off in subtle ways. He always feels a smile on his lips when he notices that you notice the design.

When Price asks for the design he’ll also deviate from the aesthetic, maybe make it something else a little more to his interests, as the cultural rules of the aesthetic are not one he completely understands, as he thinks of it like a tattoo as well if just a little more flowery. If you do something floral or whatever he’d still appreciate it, but if you indulge in it by like, making it a collage of compiled mehndi aesthetic to make a shape similar to what he wants, he’d beam about it for months, long after that design fades. He will take numerous pictures of it but they’re all blurry cause he uses a phone like a grandpa and only a few of them turn out slightly legible.

If you let him do one on you? Price’s entire body is filled with warmth. You’re letting him design something on your body? Something that has cultural relevance to you, and in a design he wants? He feels honoured. He will have the highest reverence for that moment, it feels like you’ve given him a tremendous amount of trust. Price will actually try to back away a few times as he feels he might not have the cultural relevancy to administer it, but if you insist, he’d be so ecstatic. He is going to do his absolute best, Captain’s honour!

That being said, his drawing skills aren’t the best, so he’d try to talk about it a little bit. You’ll need to teach him how to grip and use the cone because otherwise its either too much or too little pressure, no in between.

Sausage fingers again, so please keep some tissues on hand. It will take time, but he is meticulous, he wants to make you proud and do you justice.

It comes out a little more austere than the usual flowery lines of traditional mehndi, but anyone can see it is made with love. Price is proud of it at the end, but will seek your approval before he dreams of celebrating that accomplishment. When you give your approval, he is glowing and thinking about any compliment you may have given him as he waits for sleep that night.

Once the mehndi vanishes, he’s sad to see it go, but is eager for another one should you ever do it again. So every Eid or any type of holiday you may celebrate, he will pop in to check on you and if he sees you doing mehndi, he’ll sit down and ask if you can do some on him too. You didn’t hear this from me but he discovered Pinterest mehndi/henna designs and has a...hundred saved.

He really likes the mehndi and has a reverence for it now, and makes a point to sit with you and give even one greeting any time there is a cultural or religious holiday to celebrate it in some way with you.

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick

When he sees it he will automatically pull up a seat and sit next to you, eyes wide, staring at it. You’d think he was a scientist looking at a newly discovered microbe.

The first thing out of his mouth is: ‘Bloody hell that’s gorgeous’. Is very intrigued. Eyeballing your design.

Could sit and watch for hours. It feels therapeutic to him to just watch mindlessly as a cone leaves an artistic trail on your skin. Is absolutely hypnotized.

Will be so glad if you tell him what you’re doing. Seriously, creativity is something he cannot appreciate enough. Probably the most viscerally appreciative of this art out of everyone.

Will literally sit next to you watching for hours or talking non-stop with how happy he is to see this going on. There is no in between, don’t ask. Gaz deserves to speak.

Please, please for the love of humanity tell him the history of it. Nerd wants to know. It. All. He will soak up the information like a sponge and will relentlessly look up designs and look at the history of it. He can’t believe this form of tattooing is that old! He can’t wait to gush about it with you, seriously.

He would try to guess what your design is. He would watch the lines and try to predict what you’re going to draw next. It becomes a game between you both, and to humor him, sometimes, you would draw what he guessed. Hey, he gives good ideas.

He will actually look up designs and marvel at them and give you ideas if you want. He’s very considerate of the art and wants to see how you do it. If you do the signs he suggests, he’d be over the moon!

If you do some on him, he’d be out of orbit. He’s so pumped when you do something with mehndi on his skin, and he’ll show off the colours and designs to anyone he sees. Will gush for days and will whine when the design starts to fade.

He really likes fictional characters so he will ask for symbols, logos, etc, but he will also try to incorporate the traditional mehndi designs as to him the traditions need to be respect regardless of his out-of-pocket requests for some mehndi designs. He will ask for memes I am so sorry.

If you let him do any mehndi designs on you...WHOOO BOI, his soul is A S C E N D E D. Out of this galaxy. He’s so thankful, he honestly is so honoured he is ready to give his life for you.

He will ask what you’d like from him, and will do his absolute best, Soldier’s honour, he will use his steadiest hand. He’s very good with his hand-to-eye coordination, and he is very good at drawing from a reference and replicating it he’s not the best without one tbh

Will take his time and it will take a while. Perhaps a few hours, depending on how complicated or exact you want the design. He’ll try to challenge himself and also honour your hands with an intricate design so unless you have time, are able to go without food for a bit (or plan ahead and have it with you) and are okay with almost complete silence as Gaz works, choose something simpler. Please, he really wants to do good by you. When he’s done you will be floored I promise.

Once the design fades he will ask when is the next time you do mehndi, and will respect your decision if you choose to do it only on holidays, but if you just whip out the tube and offer to do one, he’ll beam like the sun for the rest of the day. Nothing will happen to that smile no matter what.

Has a high respect for the creative craft and can’t wait to see you the next time you do it, and is so heavily invested you’ll think he invented it. A wonderful buddy for the arts and cherishes the time and knowledge you gave him.

Col. Alejandro Vargas

He literally stops to look the first time he sees it. ‘What are you doing, cariño?’

He lives in Las Almas, and there is Middle-Eastern history in Latin America including Mexico, so it is probable that he has seen women have these designs on them before, or knows of their existence and use. But the intricate designs are very much a subject of interest, and to see you do it makes him ponder if there is a special reason you’d do it.

When you tell him why, he’s surprised as to why he didn’t connect the dots but he’ll sit down and watch, with your permission. He’ll talk to you as you do it, wanting to spend time with a friend and a religious holiday is the perfect excuse, no?

He’s not truly interested in history unless its the history of those who he knows or wants to know about, both friends and foes alike, but if you tell him he’ll gladly listen! He wants to get to know each and every one of his friends better and what better way than to listen to them.

He will be a bit shook when you tell him that it’s thousands of years old. Like on the one hand it makes sense but on the other, they knew how to do this thousands of years ago? When you tell him the history he will interrupt a few times and converse with you, you’ll have to actually tell him if you need a moment to talk, but he is always respectful and engaged when you talk to him, a proper gentleman.

While some from 141 may try to guess what you’ll do next, Alejandro will actually ask you what you’re drawing next, wondering if there is a process to the way you’re thinking of doing your designs. He will try to guess like Gaz, but mostly he will try to understand your own artistic visions and where they stem from. Psychology of Mehndi taught by Col. Alejandro Vargas, anyone?

If you ask him to bring you some food or water he is speedwalking and grabbing you as much nourishment as possible. If you’re doing something he can see is intricate he will make a whole meal platter because ‘your creative brain needs energy, no? and will cook you something quick and easy to eat. He will feed you though, not letting you touch or halt the process, because he’s that considerate. Just be careful when he tries to give you water, ask for a straw or you might clink your teeth against the glass when he tries to get you hydrated, bless him.

He’ll ask questions about the designs and your own experience with it, expressing a vested interest in your connection to the art as he’s more used to one type of culture, so if you come from a different culture then he’ll want to know about your own cultural experiences and compare. He will also tell you stories of the few times he’s seen mehndi on people. He will also try to pronounce it as closely as possible to the way you do, he has a lot of respect for different languages and cultures.

If you offer to let him do a design he is both very honoured and also extremely nervous, simply because he had never done it before and while he is very good at using weapons, art was not his best subject in school and he will need guidance. Please be patient with him, and have some tissues ready to use, he will need the whole box by the end. He is determined to do your trust good.

Will make designs based upon his own iterations of what would be acceptable from what he’s seen of your designs and those of the past. He knows that it is often floral patterning, so he will try to make something unique. It might not be as intricate but one can easily see it is heartfelt.

If you let him sneak his name anywhere or sign his design? You’re forever one of his favourite people like that’s such a high honour to him, you’re family now. He is protecting you so hard for allowing him a chance to do something creative, nice and sweet. And if you show it off? The man’s chest is puffed up, and he never stops smiling. The rest of Los Vaqueros actually worry that something has happened to one of his enemies.

Now, Alejandro knows it is originally an art meant for mostly women, so if you offer to do some for him, he will assess the situation and likely say he’s not sure or a soft no. If you insist upon it though, he will allow you one design, something preferably in a small place as he is at work often and so he will likely want to have it be small and personal and somewhat hidden, like the inside of his elbow or between his fingers, a small one inside his wrist, that kind of thing. If you still make it intricate, dear God he is the happiest alive. Will subtly show it off like Price would, too, as he is so proud to wear something by you. If anyone in Los Vaqueros makes fun of him for it though they’ve fucked up. No one insults a gift from you!

He prefers designs that are less floral but definitely has a softer aesthetic, and if you do something that depicts Mexican culture, he’s over the moon and will actually show it off all the time. He’d be more towards animal-like designs.

If you did one on him and it fades, he is sad to see it go but does not demand to make it happen again. He knows the religious importance and just subtly asks you when the next holiday is, and if you’re doing mehndi for it. But if you notice and just offer to touch it up he will not stop you. The soft look in his eye and his relaxed posture show how thankful he is to be treated to this.

Other members of Los Vaqueros may actually come to you too after seeing what you did for their leader, as Alejandro repays your artistry by telling others who are interested. On some days when there is no missions and it is a more civilian time, the partners and children of the Vaqueros may come to you too for mehndi/henna. You could make a business out of it, just saying.

Rodolfo ‘Rudy’ Parra

Purest angel is confused but so very into it. You’re putting paste onto your arm and its coming out in pretty designs? Wow! He needs to know more asap.

He’s going to sit and stare at it, tilting his head and following the directions of your hand. He looks like a curious puppy as he quietly watches you.

He is quiet curious, and will ask very quietly about what it is you are doing. If you tell him its for a religious celebration, he’ll listen intently. He will sit and listen to you without speaking or interrupting, saving any questions for last. Like Alejandro, he has some experience with differing cultures and wants to give you as much respect as he can, cause you do the same for him.

You mean this is thousands of years old?! Is incredulous but in a good way. Genuinely cannot believe it but it makes him believe in humanity more because he thinks of it as representing innate human goodness in creation than destruction. Is genuinely impressed and will try to do more research on his own time.

When he hears its a religious celebration his heart kind of breaks and he looks like a wounded puppy cause he feels awful knowing that he’s done nothing, even if he’s not consciously at fault he does feel really bad. He’ll then spent the entire time you are doing your mehndi, and the rest of the day, doing everything your mind can come up with but first he’ll enjoy mehndi with you because that is what you’re doing right now.

Tell him about your culture. PLEASE. He wants to hear more about the outside world and about the people he works with and would love love love to vicariously travel through you when you tell him about every experience you have had with mehndi. He needs to know so leave no detail out.

Like Alejandro, he will not try to guess but will observe and ask what you’re making, wanting to hear the process and familiarize himself with the traditions of the art, or just your own style and creativity if you’re not going traditional. He just likes to see what others do, he likes observing people he almost got knocked out for it once by an angry misunderstanding Alejandro years ago but it never got too big and they’ve been friends since. It’s very different from traditional Mexican arts so he will be very interested to learn of it, a very visual learner. Stares at your arm the way a scientist stares into the microscope at a tardigrade of interest. Please forgive him he’s just very curious-

If you ask him to get you food or water he absolutely will because he was raised to be the most gentlemanly of gentlemen in Las Almas. He will give you water in a straw to prevent spilling and have some food that he can just scoop and make it easy for you to bite into at your own time, giving you pace to eat when you’re ready. He is an okay enough cook for simple recipes so expect something with eggs or veggies, something with little cleanup or change of breaking. He will hold the food out and let you eat when you’d like, or if its on a stick just let you munch off the skewer to prevent you from losing time.

If you offer to do a design with him as an inspiration or part of it anywhere, he is going to whisper a thousand good wishes of health, luck, prosperity, fertility, wealth, happiness, wellness, safety, fortune, every blessing under the sun. You want to put something on your skin in remembrance of him? He is deceased. He will die and kill for you and name an operation after you, you’re the best-

He would love anything you do, even if its just his initials, and he will always always smile when he sees you in public. He would love his initials or name hidden like a signature on the fanciest cast even though there is no injury. Is so flattered. The more elaborate you do it, the closer he comes to grateful tears.

If you offer to do some on him, his sleeves are getting rolled up faster than Snoop Dogg can roll a joint. He will excitedly hold out his hands and actually tells you to go ham. If you do take a minute or so to ask what he wants he’ll give an honest answer but it might be incoherent just cause he’s so excited. Will accept anything. He particularly likes the lattice-work, as it looks like intricate lace, and a few flowers are cool too! But you get infinite respect points if you use historical references of Mexican culture and literature or environment in the design. The man will be floored so hard he’ll come out the other side of the globe.

Will try to show off the mehndi when he has a chance and he gives zero fucks if anyone says anything because both he and Alejandro will beat their ass. Is not going to be loud about it but the smile on his face and the consistent flexing in the sun trying to show it off is enough for people to get the obvious hint to look at it.

If you let him to one one you, he’ll actually try to pull back, as he feels it might be disrespectful to take hold of the actual item rather than just having someone from that culture doing it onto him. It will take some time for him to give in, like a while. He actually doesn’t want to do it. If you just let him do something small though, he’ll be much easier to negotiate with. Also, he’s insecure about his hand-eye coordination, so he’ll just make small cute things and its really up to you to connect them or leave them be. He will most likely do floral patterns on you, flowers or vines or something simple and easy to do that can be easily integrated into your own style and design.

When the design fades, it makes him slightly sad but its completely up to you if you want to do it again. He’ll never say no to another application, as he sees it as a chance to get creative, but it will be totally up to you.

Like Alejandro, will ask when the next holiday is because he is invested in the lives of his friends, and he will forever do whatever he can to make sure that you have a chance to celebrate it with your beloved tradition. He will literally just buy you a new tube of mehndi whenever you ask, will go shopping with you for it because he believes you know best. Purest boy, protect him.

Sources:

Barraza Carlos, Arabs in Mexico. Assimilation and Cultural Heritage (link)

Bonus: Phillip ‘Shadow-1′ Graves

Fucker thinks its weird and teases you about it

But if others around the base do it he’s like ‘oh wow that shit rocks’

Gets jealous and wants one

Note: Absolutely not 💖🖕🏽

156 notes · View notes

wisewolfprince · 2 years

Text

Wizarding World ➵ Nsfw Alphabet

ʚ character ɞ harry james potter x nb!reader

ʚ warnings ɞ mentions of sex and sexual preferences, breeding, unprotected sex, use of sex toys, masturbation, etc.

ʚ notes ɞ this was surprisingly really fun to write! my inbox is open to anyone who would like to request specific characters or nsfw prompts. i'll be writing nsfw alphabets for most of the HP characters eventually. reblogs/favourites are greatly appreciated <33 (all characters written are 18+!!)

A = Aftercare (What happens after sex?)

Harry LOVES to cuddle with you after sex, he absolutely craves the skin on skin contact and doesn't care in the slightest if you're both sweaty or half asleep already. He'll place gentle kisses on your skin wherever he can touch and murmur how great you were into your ear just to put your mind at ease.

B = Bodyparts (Their favourite part of you)

Harry absolutely adores your thighs. He's definitely a thigh fucker. It doesn't matter how big or small your thighs are, he'll grab them whenever he gets the chance. He loves laying his head on your thighs, sometimes even going as far as biting/marking them when he's between your thighs. Overall he's just completely infatuated with your thighs!

C = Cum (And anything to do with it)

He tends to try and avoid being messy most of the time BUT sometimes he just can't help himself when you're so willing to let him fill you up or even cum all over you. He loves watching you swallow and lick up his cum after he orgasms, it turns him on so much just to think about it. He may not look like it but he has A LOT of cum to share so be aware of the potential mess it could make.

D = Desires (What sexual fantasies do they have?)

I wouldn't say that Harry is the kinkiest person ever but he certainly has a few fantasies he'd like to try with you someday. He's particularly fond of the idea of fucking you on/over his desk at work, the risk of being caught by anyone walking past his office would drive him crazy in the best way possible and it's one of those "I shouldn't be doing this but it feels so good" type of scenarios. You should definitely visit him at work more often.

E = Experience (Do they know what they're doing?)

Harry isn't as experienced as you'd expect the "chosen one" to be — sure, he's practically the most famous person in the wizarding world but he's quite traditional and often misunderstands flirting for friendliness. I'd say he probably only slept with 1-3 people prior to meeting you but he makes sure to communicate with you and loves learning what you like and dislike, he takes personal pride in making you orgasm.

F = Favourite Position (What do they like?)

He's definitely a missionary type of guy. He loves the intimacy that comes with it and he especially loves being able to see your reaction to his thrusts not to mention how easier it is to kiss you this way. As I've mentioned before, he CRAVES skin on skin even after sex so this is certainly a win-win for him. Even if he's just grinding against you or getting you off, he loves being on top of you while he does it.

G = Goofy (How serious are they during sex?)

Harry tends to take sex a little more seriously than others but that doesn't mean he can't have a laugh once in a while. Sometimes he'll find himself giggling if you two accidentally bump foreheads with each other or if one of you makes a particularly amusing or unusual noise. He'd never laugh at anything you could consider to be embarrassing but he loves the little moments where you both pause to giggle at each other when something amusing does happen in the moment. Not taking yourselves too seriously is what truly makes sex all the more enjoyable.

H = Hair (How groomed are they?)

Harry isn't much of a groomer because it's virtually impossible to constantly manage his hair growth, even with the help of magical potions. He's quite hairy in the 'downstairs department' and has a quite impressive snail-trail but he does make efforts to keep himself clean and manageable for you. In addition to this, he doesn't have any qualms about your hair growth either and tends to enjoy the more natural look anyway, as long as you're comfortable w/ it.

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they during sex?)

Harry can be very romantic during sex when he needs to be, sometimes it can feel clinical if you're both busy and don't have time to put in anymore effort but he always tries to go out of his way to make an impression on you. He goes all out during holidays like valentines day or your birthday, decorating the room with candles and rose petals, setting up a warm bubble bath that you both can share and enjoy yourselves in. Sometimes he'll involve different foods like whipped cream, chocolate sauce, different fruits to eat off each other but his biggest romantic gesture is his praise. He loves telling you how good you feel, how proud he is of you and how well you're doing, etc. Anything to make you feel good.

J = Jacking Off (Masturbation Headcanon)

It depends on the week he's having to be honest and also if you're available to help him with his needs. If the week has been difficult and or stressful, he tends to masturbate between 2/3 times a week. That seems to be his average, but it can fluctuate.

K = Kinks (Things they get sexual pleasure from)

As I've mentioned before, Harry isn't the kinkiest of people but he does have his fair share of quirks. His most riskiest kink would have to be breeding, it just drives him crazy to think of filling you up with his cum, watching it drip out and getting a rush from the lack of protection, even if it can't result in pregnancy. He also loves the risk of being caught, although he tends to be quite conservative sometimes he gets the chance to have sex with you at an inappropriate time, again the idea of someone catching the two of you in the heat of the moment drives him crazy in the best way.

L = Location (How adventurous are they?)

Harry isn't very adventurous when it comes to sex but sometimes, if the moment allows, he can be quite spontaneous. The riskiest place he'd fuck you is at his office, or in the bathroom at a friends house. The idea of having to be secretive and quick to avoid being caught is something that turns him on greatly.

M = Motivation (How high is their sex drive?)

I'd say that Harry has a moderate level sex drive, he wouldn't say no if you were to ask (unless it's at an inappropriate time or he's exhausted) but he also wouldn't be upset if neither of you had sex for a week or two, or even longer depending on the circumstances. It depends on how you're both feeling.

N = No (What are things they wouldn't do?)

Harry wouldn't do things that could seriously hurt either of you, in his eyes no amount of pleasure is worth risking your lives and safety. I'd say things that could restrict your breathing, cause scars/pain/blood as well as things that involve dubious-consent are all no-no's for him. He doesn't like hurting you or being hurt either.

O = Oral (What are their preferences?)

Harry wouldn't say no to receiving but he'd have some worries about giving, as long as you're communicating with him and being vocal about what feels good and what doesn't then he'll feel a lot better. When he's in the mood for it — he's REALLY in the mood for it, he'll slurp and lick and swirl his tongue all day long. Sometimes he'll use his hands if you're needing more stimulation but most of the time his tongue is good enough to use. He also loves when you go down on him, he likes the feeling of being deep-throated but he wouldn't force you to do it if you're not comfortable.

P = Pace (Do they prefer to be fast or slow?)

Harry prefers to use a slower and deeper pace but he isn't afraid to go faster or harder when you ask for it — sometimes in the heat of the moment he uses his initiative to decide what would be best, but he'll often ask you how you want it. "want me to go faster, baby?" etc. He tends to try and be as gentle as possible.

Q = Quickies (Do they do this and if so how often?)

Harry enjoys quickies but only when he's in the mood to do something a little more riskier. For example, if you're at his office or in the bathroom, he'd take pleasure in having a quickie with you to see how fast he can make you cum without getting caught and vice versa. He can get quite competitive sometimes.

R = Risks (Are they up for experimentation?)

As I've mentioned before, he does like a bit of risk when it comes to sex but not all the time. He's definitely up for experimenting with you but there are things he will be unwilling to try. He would ask you about your boundaries beforehand and make sure to respect your decisions as you should with his own. I think he'd be interested in trying different positions, different methods of dirty-talking and even trying out a few different toys.

S = Stanima (How long can they last?)

Harry tends to finish between 5-15 minutes, his average would likely be around 5-7 minutes depending on the circumstances. If you're both trying to be quick for whatever reason you have then it's likely to last between 3-5 minutes. If you're both trying to last longer then it can reach upwards of 30 minutes to an hour (although most of this would be spent on foreplay and exploring each other)

T = Toys (Do they use them and if so what are they?)

Harry would be open to using toys like vibrators, dildos (although nothing too big), he'd also be open to using some kind of wrist restraint like handcuffs or rope if he knew how to loosen or remove them. He'd also enjoy the use of a blindfold on special occasions.

U = Unfair (Do they tease or do they like to be teased?)

Harry isn't much of a teaser unless he's feeling particularly mischievous. He does get whiny and easily frustrated when you tease him, and he enjoys being teased over teasing you. His favourite kind of tease which he often inflicts upon himself is watching you change your clothes around him. He finds it hard to resist touching you when you're hardly wearing anything around him. If he wants to make himself last longer in bed, he tends to pull out before he can cum, which usually results in the two of you being teased/edged in the process.

V = Volume (How vocal are they during sex?)

Harry isn't the loudest when it comes to sex but he does get more vocal if he's in the privacy of his own home, he'll moan and whine if you encourage him but he loves to hear your voice and often doesn't want to intterupt your moans or words in the moment.

W = Wild Card (Random Nsfw Headcanon)

Harry definitely has a second favourite position which would be doggy-style. In this position he can absolutely lose control of himself, clinging onto your waist and hips whilst he feverishly pounds into you from behind. He wants to be as close to you as possible, even in this position, so he often ends up hunching over to hold you from behind, moaning and whimpering into your ear and occasionally biting/marking your back and shoulders.

X = X-Ray (What do they like to wear?)

Harry tends to wear loose fitting boxers instead of tight fitting ones, however during sex he likes to wear little to nothing unless he needs you so bad he can't be bothered to take off his clothes.

Y = Yearning (How long can they go without sex?)

Harry can go weeks without sex, months even if there's a reason why you can't participate. Although he enjoys having sex with you, if you're unable to participate and explain why (if he doesn't already know) then he'll respect your decision. If neither of you have sex for extended periods of time, he'll just masturbate.

Z = Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep after?)

Harry tends to fall asleep quicker if the two of you are able to cuddle after sex but it doesn't drain him completely. Sometimes he'll stay awake to talk to you, or if it happens during the day he'll take a nap if it's absolutely necessary. But generally speaking he can stay awake after sex for hours depending on the circumstances.

@ʷⁱˢᵉʷᵒˡᶠᵖʳⁱⁿᶜᵉ

#harry potter smut #harry james potter x reader #harry james potter x you #harry potter x you #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter headcanon #harry james potter smut

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painted-bees · 11 months

Note

Everyone is sharing about the ticket comic from Magritte's POV but the thing is, I really liked what you did with Raf. Because it gets *really exhausting* to see characters use "therapy speak" all the time, never get angry, infinitely patient in way that real people aren't.

So when you said that not only had he been in therapy, but was in therapy for a WHILE, I really appreciated that! It made me realize how much I appreciate that small amount of exposition from a creator ("oh yeah, he's like that because he WAS in therapy, he took the time to work on himself"). It shows that he wasn't born like that, it was an effort, and I wish we saw more characters who were willing to do that.

Ah, haha I am really glad to hear it. Raf's got a good heart that shines through more often than it doesn't, but he's also got paranoid personality which--when the ball drops for him, it drops hard. He was a lot more defensively chilly/aloof and distant in his late teens/early 20's, while still feeling an overwhelming desire to do well by people and be genuinely seen & loved by them. But he was very hit or miss with the manner in which he navigated himself and others--and especially in how he interpreted behaviors. Therapy was pretty hit or miss for him as well, but it did map out the landscape and put words to things he only had vibes about before. Part of that included breaking his habit of "mind reading" or reading negatively between the lines of things that were said or done to him--something he still genuinely struggles with on the daily, but it equips him really well for situations like this where someone he very loves is so use to having the worst intentions read from others into her own personal struggles/"failings" that she berates herself to save them the trouble. Her disorganized forgetfulness is something he will never take as a personal slight against himself or anyone else, and he hates to see her internalize/agree with the kind of people (or even just a less careful version of himself) that would.

#Hi-Note #rafael

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naughtyneganjdm · 1 year

Text

Mine - Chapter 6

Summary: Joel starts getting closer to being the man that Y/N has always wanted him to be. Ellie and Joel have a play date with Negan and Morgan.

Characters: Joel Miller (TLOU), Negan (TWD), the reader (OC, third person), Ellie Williams (TLOU), etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45115177/chapters/114711325

Warnings: Swearing, some heavy touching, etc.

Notes: Sorry I didn't have this up earlier. I slept in a little too long. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I appreciate you. This is kind of a calm before the storm of sorts. But, it’s developing relationships and that’s what counts. Gif Credits: @a7estrellas & @londoncapsule

Waking up hadn’t been so hard lately. The only problem was actually getting up because Y/N enjoyed the mornings now. With Joel now taking a conscious effort to be better in the relationship, she would often wake up with Joel’s arm draped over her waist. Just having the warmth of Joel close to her made her feel better overall. It felt like he actually cared about her and wanted to be near her. When he used to sleep on his own end of the bed and barely touch her, she felt incredibly lonely and sad. Now it actually felt like she was part of a relationship with him.

Feeling Joel shift behind her in his sleep, she couldn’t help but smile when Joel moved in closer behind her. Reaching down, she hooked her fingers loosely with his and found herself cuddling back closer into Joel. It wasn’t exactly the perfect cuddle yet with Joel, but at least now she felt like she was his. With his arm draped over her, she felt safe and protected. Like he was making it known that she belonged to him and it made her feel wanted by him for the first time in a long time. It was a lot to work himself up to this, so she hoped within time Joel would be willing to cuddle completely.

The change in Joel recently was quite significant. Especially in the last couple of weeks. Joel had started to do small gestures that she found exceedingly romantic. He’d leave little notes for her all over the house that honestly brightened her day more than she could ever imagine. Finding a note from Joel hidden somewhere that she would eventually find made her heart feel full. He’d also ask to take random walks with her around town and he continued to try the whole hand holding thing. Even though there was tension, he was getting better every day with it. The other day he set up a cute little picnic in a beautiful part of town right as the sun was setting and it was all very romantic. Even the occasional shoulder rub from Joel felt more like they were a couple. Their family nights together with Ellie where they watched a movie with her was even nicer. Instead of sitting at separate sides of the couch, Joel would cuddle with her and now they felt like they were actually a couple. Whereas before it felt like they were just two people living in the same house.

Of course, there was still one thing she never got from him. And that was an I love you. At this point, she just assumed that would be something that she would never get from him. But at least he was trying very hard in certain areas and that’s all that mattered.

With a frown, she felt Joel stretch out behind her and roll over onto his side making her realize that it would be perfectly fine to get up now considering that she could probably stand to make some breakfast for the two of them for their day.

Carefully getting up from the bed, she made sure to move quietly enough through the room in attempts to not wake Joel up. He had been working so hard at the plant that she didn’t want to wake him up before he had to. Getting sleep was rare for him lately so she wanted him to get his rest in. A lot of nights he was sore from working so hard and she felt bad that he had to carry the weight of that accident that happened on his shoulders. Especially in a day in age like this.

Not bothering to get dressed into her regular clothes, she just stayed in her pajamas as she made her way down to the kitchen to make them breakfast. When she hit the entrance to the kitchen, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw a small bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter. Feeling her heart skip a beat, she noticed that they were already in a vase and a letter was folded in half while sitting in front of the flowers. Moving forward she reached for the letter and opened it feeling a sense of happiness flooding her veins.

These flowers aren’t half as pretty as you are, but I hope they make you smile.

Closing up the note, she set it down and gazed over the flowers. When they went to bed last night, this wasn’t here. So that meant that Joel had snuck downstairs during the night to put these here for her and that made her happier than she could have ever imagined.

A gasp fell from her throat when she felt arms wrapping around her from behind and it made her smile when she realized it was Joel. He nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck before depositing a kiss there, “Good morning beautiful.”

Leaning back into his arms, she let out a pleased sound when he continued to pepper kisses over the side of her neck. With a smile, Joel looked to the flowers and hummed, “Who left the flowers for you? Was it a secret admirer? Should I be jealous?”

“Oh, you should be so incredibly jealous,” she turned in Joel’s arms seeing that he was smiling while staring out at her. Closing her eyes, she felt him cupping her face in his palms and the rough pads of his thumbs caressed over her cheeks. Turning toward one of his hands, she placed a kiss at the center of his palm before smiling. “I’m having a love affair with an incredibly good-looking older man. He has these big brown eyes and a smile that can make my whole day. He’s been incredibly romantic lately.”

“Sounds like solid competition,” Joel chuckled under his breath, his nose wrinkling and his eyebrows arching up when he found himself amused with her response. “I can’t compete with that.”

“You can’t,” she agreed with him making him bite down on his bottom lip and nod before leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. “I don’t know what changed in you Joel but thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me for the things I should have been doing all along,” Joel hushed her, dragging his thumb out over her bottom lip before pressing a faint, quick kiss over her lips. “I’m sorry it took me so long to start doing them.”

“I’m just happy you are doing them. I know it takes a lot for you to do this and it means a lot to me. You have no idea,” she reached up to place her hand over Joel’s from where it was resting against the side of her face. Stroking her fingers over the back of his hand, she saw his lips part and he shook his head.

“I have an idea how it makes you feel. I can see it in your face. You’re happy,” Joel responded knowing that the way she was now was so much better than how she used to be. In the past, it was visible that she was sad and lonely. But she loved him enough to keep going and did everything she could to make him happy. Now, she smiled and there was a warmth radiating from her every day just from him doing the simplest of gestures. “Seeing you this way makes me feel better about things. I know I was making you miserable before and to know that you feel so much better is what makes me want to keep doing this.”

“I love you,” she reached out to brush her fingers through Joel’s hair and he gave her a weak smile. There was something that changed in his eyes and she knew that was the one thing that made him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry that I say it, but I do love you. So I’m going to say it. I know you…you don’t feel like that and that’s okay. I’ve accepted that, but I’m going to say it regardless.”

“I like hearing you say it. I’m not upset with that,” Joel whispered, his brown eyes lifting up to stare out at her and he cleared his throat uneasily. “I just feel bad that I haven’t gotten comfortable enough to say it for you yet. I promise, I’m working up to it. Okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded not wanting to find herself hopeful over that. She never even thought she would get something like this, so she didn’t want to push him too far because she was content with all of this. Having this side of Joel was honestly good enough for her. Pushing him to say I love you made her fear that he would stop being this version of himself and she didn’t want to lose that. So she just let it go and was happy with what she had. “Do you want some breakfast?”

“I’d really rather just hold you in my arms right now,” Joel answered with a small smirk, stroking his fingers against the warmth of her face and it made her lean further into his touch. “Food can wait.”

“Well, I won’t fight you on that,” she tipped up on her toes to meet Joel in a kiss that lingered and she braced her hands against the center of his broad chest. Caressing down over the lengths of his abdomen, she heard him breathe heavily against her lips and it made her smile. “You are so handsome.”

“Oh, I can picture how good I look with my bedhead,” Joel nipped at her bottom lip when she slid her hand up over the side of his neck and upwards to grasp firmly into his messy salt and pepper colored hair. “So handsome.”

“I love your hair when it’s messy,” she whispered dragging her hands down over his body. When she reached the bottom of his gray t-shirt, she pressed her hands up under the material to caress over his abdomen. There was a softness to the area right below his navel, but she actually liked the small amount of belly that he had. “Truthfully? I don’t think I’d care what you looked like. I’m going to love you regardless.”

“But my looks don’t hurt, right?” Joel breathed against her lips making her laugh when she tugged at the material of his t-shirt. Pulling it up his body, she tossed the material on the floor. With her fingertips tracing over the planes of his torso, he couldn’t help but smile. She paid such close attention to his body and seemed to cherish every inch of him, even his scars.

“Oh, of course not,” she snickered, giving him a wink before tipping forward to press kisses over the center of his chest making Joel chuckle. “I happen to think I’m with one of the most handsome men in the entire town. I bet a lot of ladies are jealous that I’m with you.”

“Men too,” Joel corrected her making her burst out in laughter and he smiled. “I’m just saying, your best friend told me that I was good looking you know. So I’m sure both men and women are jealous of this relationship we have going on.”

“Oh, you’re Mr. Arrogant now, aren’t you?” she pinched at Joel’s nipple making him yelp before letting out a tiny burst of laughter. Smirking, she took her time to kiss over his chest before nipping faintly at the same nipple making him grunt. “Plus, Negan has good taste.”

Joel’s breathing got louder while her kisses continued to travel across his chest. Taking a minute to think about what Joel just said, she paused and heard the disappointment in Joel’s breath when she lifted her head to look up at him with a confused stare, “Negan told you that he was bisexual?”

“He did,” Joel nodded, brushing his fingers up underneath the back of her shirt that she was wearing to caress over the planes of her back. “Well, he told me that he doesn’t like to put a label on things, but he said I’m good looking. It kinda boosted my ego a bit.”

“You two really got close fast, didn’t you?” she inquired surprised to begin with that Joel and Negan had even began a friendship in the first place. How open Negan had already been with Joel about things she knew a lot of people didn’t even know about Negan surprised her. “The stuff you already know about him took me a while to learn.”

“I think I might know more about him than you do in some cases,” Joel conceded knowing that he still hadn’t told Y/N that Morgan was Negan’s daughter. Morgan was one of the biggest mistakes Joel had made in his time being here. There were a lot of ignorant comments Joel had made about Morgan in the past, but at the time he had no idea Morgan was a five-year-old. Now, he was just as curious as Negan how long it would actually take Y/N to realize that Negan had a daughter. Especially since she considered Negan to be her best friend. Truthfully? It made him feel bad that they were so self-focused that they hadn’t known it the whole time.

“Showing off now, aren’t you?” she wrapped her arm around his neck to pull him in closer to her so they could kiss again. Joel hooked his arms under her thighs to pick her up to pull her in against his chest. Carrying her over toward the kitchen table, he set her on top of it before lowering her back against the center of it. Pushing the material of her shirt up toward the center of her chest, he hummed when he saw she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“I just think I know your best friend more than you do,” Joel suggested starting to press kisses over the center of her abdomen, nibbling at her flesh while she stroked her fingers through his hair.

“I get it, you became fast best friends,” she purred with the warmth of Joel’s tongue tracing up and over the lengths of her abdomen. It wasn’t something that she was about to confess to him, but she was jealous over the fact Joel had gotten so close to Negan. Negan was her best friend. Joel was her lover. And now they were spending a whole lot of time together. Time that she hadn’t even spent with Negan in the past. But she assumed it was because they were men and Joel was just more comfortable having another friend that was a guy. She didn’t want to say that though because she thought it would make things weird. She should have been happy that her best friend and her lover got along. “Should I be worried about Negan stealing you away from me anytime soon?”

“Oh hush,” Joel bit at her flesh making her gasp when he snickered knowing that it would leave a mark.

“I’m just saying you seem to be very focused on the fact that he thinks you’re good looking. Maybe the feeling is mutual and the two of you will want to get together,” she joked with Joel making his eyebrows bounce up when he lifted his head up to look at her.

“Oh yeah, I’m definitely going to run away with Negan on you. How did you know?” Joel mocked her with a roll of his eyes making her smirk. Arching his eyebrow, he tipped his head to the side and shook his head. “Are you done now? I mean if you want to keep talking about Negan and not do this whole sex thing, we can do that. If that’s what you would prefer.”

“You’re the one that brought him up first,” she reminded him with a snicker letting out a whimper as Joel’s lips surrounded her breast. With a flicking, circular motion of his tongue over her nipple, Joel heard her cry out and her fingers sank further into his hair. Kissing and suckling at her flesh, Joel kissed across her chest before pampering her other breast with the same motions making her arch her back up toward him. “Joel.”

Curling his arm around her waist he pulled her body closer to his and reached between them to start tugging at the tie in her pajama pants. Flexing his arm around her made her lift her hips up and he smiled when he started kissing down toward her navel again.

“I think this is much better than breakfast, don’t you?” Joel slurred attempting to tug at the material of her pants, but they were having some issues with getting the material down. With a huff, she got into a seated position to try to help him making her shirt cover her body. Trying to work with him, she heard Joel laugh when they were visibly having issues.

The sound of the back door opening was heard making Y/N yelp and pull forward too quickly causing her to fall off the table. Joel huffed seeing her hit the ground hard and he fumbled trying to help her. Lifting his head, he saw that Ellie was making her way into the house.

“Uh, what the hell was that?” Ellie paused when she saw that Joel was attempting to help Y/N after she fell off the table making Ellie anxiously laugh. “Were the two of you having sex?”

“Ellie! No, we weren’t having sex,” Joel shook his head seeing that Y/N was incredibly red while she pulled herself up into a seated position on the floor from being embarrassed. “We were just kissing and you…caught her off guard.”

“You okay down there?” Ellie stepped forward looking over the table to see that Y/N’s face was buried in her hand. “I interrupted pre-sex, didn’t I?”

“No, no. You’re fine,” Y/N answered, lifting her head up to see that Joel was moving around the kitchen to grab his t-shirt that they had deposited at the center of the kitchen to pull it back on.

“I can come back if you want,” Ellie offered making Joel grumble something under his breath.

“The moment is over kiddo” Joel clarified, tugging at the bottom of his t-shirt before reaching down to help pull Y/N up to her feet. “We were going to make some breakfast before we head out. Do you want to help?”

“Should I be afraid to sit at the table?” Ellie gazed it over seeing Joel smirk and shake his head.

“We didn’t do anything Ellie,” Joel explained going over to set up his coffee for the morning. When Ellie sat down at the table, he cleared his throat and shrugged. “At least today we haven’t.”

“Joel!” Ellie pushed away from the table with a disgusted breath making Joel snicker quietly and Y/N moved around the counter to smack at the center of Joel’s chest in a playful manner. It made Joel smirk before he started to gather some things for their breakfast.

“So what are your plans for the day Y/N?” Ellie inquired still staying far away from the table when she got comfortable in the chair that she was in.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Y/N explained while grabbing two mugs for her and Joel to go with their coffee. “I haven’t really planned anything.”

“You should come to Negan’s. He has this really cool mancave in the basement,” Ellie informed Y/N seeing the way that Joel glared back at Ellie who threw her hands up in the air. Multiple times Ellie and Joel had gone over to Negan’s home to hang out, but they hadn’t really brought Y/N with them before. “You’ve never seen it, have you?”

“No, I’ve only really been in Negan’s home twice,” Y/N answered feeling awkward knowing that Joel had been spending more time with Negan than she had lately. It almost felt like Negan was quickly becoming his best friend instead of hers. “What kind of things does he have down there?”

“I don’t know how he managed to do it, but he has a video game system set up. A ping pong table and a pool table,” Ellie threw her hands up in the air making her words very dramatic when she explained things to Y/N. “He must have had some really cool things to be able to make those kind of trades with people. It’s a lot of fun going over to his place. And he has all these comics. It’s just so cool.”

“I’ll have to go one day,” Y/N whispered knowing that she had never been invited to one of their hangouts, but she imagined this was the first friendship that Joel had with anyone in a long time so he wanted his time to be alone with another male. “I’m pretty good at pool when my wrist isn’t sore.”

“You should really hang out with him more,” Joel suggested making Y/N’s eyebrows bounce up and she nodded.

“I spend all of my free time lately with you. I see Negan when we are working at the library together. It’s closed right now so we can actually put it together correctly and give the town something special. So we get our alone time,” Y/N tipped her head to the side when she sighed and thought about her relationship with Joel. Sure, she could have spent her time with Negan during her free time, but she was trying to dedicate it all to Joel. “Plus, I don’t usually have the days off when you all do. I just happen to have today off to relax.”

“Hey Joel! Can I show you something outside really quick?” Ellie pointed toward the back door and Joel nodded following her outside. When the door was closed and they were alone, Ellie threw her hands up in the air. “Why aren’t you inviting her to go with us?”

“Because these are the moments where I get Negan’s advice on what to do with her,” Joel responded with a shake of his head and he sighed loudly. “Plus, she still doesn’t know about Morgan and I think that would be awkward her finding out about her with all of us together.”

“Why aren’t you boys telling her about Morgan?” Ellie snorted making Joel shrug his shoulders.

“It’s not my place,” Joel replied, biting down on his bottom lip when he thought about Negan’s young daughter. “If Negan hasn’t told her, then it’s really not my place to tell her. And she could easily go over his house when she wanted to.”

“Well today is a perfect time,” Ellie grumbled under her breath making Joel frown.

“You’ve seen how happy she is since I’ve started getting Negan’s help with things. I know it doesn’t make sense, but the time I spend with him makes me better. It makes her happier,” Joel pointed back toward the home feeling his chest ache when he thought about things before. “You saw the way she was before I started getting Negan’s help. She was miserable. With him talking things out with me, I reckon it’s the happiest I’ve ever made her.”

“Well at some point you both are going to have to spend time with him because he’s your best friend and hers,” Ellie scoffed folding her arms in front of her chest. “I like going to Negan’s place. He just was her best friend first.”

“And when I’ve got it together, I promise I will make sure that we have a friendship with all of us,” Joel pledged with his hands pressed over his hips. “It’s just I think I’m getting ahold of this whole thing. I’m doing right by her finally and it’s been because of him that I think it’s working itself out.”

“Whatever man. I just think it would be for the best having her come with you,” Ellie shrugged her shoulders dramatically before nodding back to the house. “Let’s go inside so you can get your nasty ass coffee. You’re going to need it.”

----

Giggles filled the air making Joel’s heart fill with warmth while he played ping pong with Negan, Ellie and Morgan. Negan and Joel were on a team while the two girls were together. Obviously, Joel and Negan were letting the girls win and were hamming it up in attempts to entertain the girls. Joel thought it was actually cute because Morgan could barely stand over the table, but she sure was trying her hardest in this game.

With one final hit from Morgan, Negan purposely stumbled over his feet and hit the ground dramatically making the girls laugh out at his antics. Joel feigned being angry by tossing the paddle down on top of the table knowing that they had been being goofy and over the top this whole time, “Dang it. We lost again. Negan, you are awful at this.”

“Daddy,” Morgan managed to set down her paddle and run over to him to try to help him up. With her laughter Joel couldn’t help but smile knowing that he missed that sound. Spending time with Negan and Morgan brought back the good memories that he shared with Sarah. It gave him a sense of inner peace that he didn’t know he needed. Morgan got to her knees and touched Negan’s face who had rolled over onto his back. “I feel like you both are letting us win.”

“We are not,” Joel blurted out placing his hand in over the center of his chest as if offended. “I would never let anyone win. I can’t handle it.”

“I’m just that bad,” Negan muttered to his daughter, snorting when his daughter dropped her head in against the center of his chest to lay in over him. Cuddling her close, Negan peppered kisses against Morgan’s head before smiling brightly. “You and Ellie are just too damn good.”

“Damn straight,” Ellie blurt out, spinning the paddle in her hand before setting it down on the table. She gave Joel a smirk and moved around the table. “We’re just too good for them.”

“Hey, you guys should go play a video game. I think daddy’s ribs and his shoulder have had enough for today,” Negan gave Morgan one final big hug before watching Ellie help Morgan get up from the ground. Tipping his head back, Negan made sure that both girls made it over to the television before he cleared his throat. “Hey Joel...I need help. I overdid it.”

“Oh,” Joel chuckled lowering down to help pick Negan up from the ground. Negan grabbed at his ribs when Joel helped him over to the couch to sit down. Once sitting, Negan adjusted the thick black framed glasses that he had been wearing. “I realize that was a bit extreme for a guy that just recently broke ribs and dislocated his shoulder.”

“Just a bit,” Negan grinned through the pain as he dropped his head back on the couch. Joel took a seat beside him and Negan snickered with his eyes closed. “I am getting fucking old man. Maybe the doctor was right and I should have took more down time.”

“Probably,” Joel acknowledged making Negan huff before lowering his head and reaching with his other hand to caress over his shoulder. “Maybe you’ll need a hot shower at the end of the day. It helps to loosen things up. Well, as hot as you can make it.”

“Good idea,” Negan agreed, making sure that the girls were distracted. Their laughter surrounded them while they played the game that they had in. Letting out a long sigh, Negan’s eyebrow arched and he gazed over at Joel. “So, how did the flowers go?”

“Great!” Joel almost exclaimed sitting forward on the couch. “Your ideas have been phenomenal. Leaving the notes around the house and bringing those flowers out while she was sleeping were probably the best. She was so happy when she saw them this morning. I reckon the happiest she has been in a very long time.”

“Glad to hear that,” Negan gave a weak smile before turning to face Joel better from where he was seated.

“All of your ideas have landed perfectly,” Joel confessed knowing that a lot of what he had done for Y/N had all been Negan’s suggestions that had been given to him. Joel reached up to stroke his fingers at the back of his neck. “Even the calling her beautiful thing. It just makes her light up.”

“Women like to know that they are special. Well, everyone. Not just women,” Negan corrected his error before tipping his head back and forth. “Plus, she is beautiful. She needs to hear it every day. It’s just little signs of affection sometimes that changes the world for someone. I told you it wasn’t that hard. Hugging, hand holding, writing letters, kisses, flowers…it’s all about making her feel special. And to hear that it is working, that’s all that matters to me.”

“Thanks a lot for all of this. I don’t know if I could have done these things on my own,” Joel admitted hating that he needed the help of Negan just to make Y/N happy, but he was glad and thankful that he did have him. “In the past, I could see she was miserable man and it killed me. I didn’t know how to make it better, but doing all of this, it just made me realize that it was worth putting in the effort.”

“You look happier too. Not so miserable and grumpy. I can’t call you Mr. Grumpy Pants right now,” Negan joked making Joel groan at the nickname Negan had given him in the past. It was something Joel hated and Negan knew that. “I think that’s the good thing. Her being happy makes you happy.”

“I uh, I won’t lie to you either…” Joel began, his eyes drifting over to Ellie and Morgan while they played together. He was proud of Ellie for being able to play with Negan’s much younger daughter and treat her so well. “Being here with Morgan and Ellie has really brought back good memories for me. Your daughter reminds me so much of Sarah when she was younger and it’s just been very enjoyable getting to spend this time with you and her.”

“Well, you’re welcome here anytime. Morgan and I both enjoy your company,” Negan assured Joel, reaching out to pat him on the knee before getting more comfortable on the couch again. “It’s nice to see you in a better mood. Not always looking like you want to kill someone.”

“I wasn’t that bad,” Joel reasoned with Negan making Negan smile and shrug his shoulders. “Come on.”

“I mean a lot of people were fucking scared of you Joel,” Negan informed Joel with an entertained sound when Joel rolled his eyes. “You have this expression on your face that tells people when you are coming to move over toward the other end of the street. I’m just annoying so I pushed my boundaries and continued to stick around until you started to like me.”

“I don’t like you,” Joel responded making Negan’s nose wrinkle and he nodded. “I just put up with you.”

“Ah, right. My mistake,” Negan bobbed his head back and forth hearing the girls giggling and he looked back to gaze over at them. “So what are your plans for Y/N’s birthday? Do you have them all done and ready?”

“Almost,” Joel huffed making Negan look back and arch his eyebrows. “I’ve had this idea for a while. I’ve been working on it for a long time. I just didn’t know if I would have the emotions to really do it, but now after all of this I think I do.”

“So you don’t need any help or any ideas?” Negan seemed impressed that Joel had something planned out all on his own. “You sure? You don’t want to tell me what it is?”

“No,” Joel smirked knowing that it would eat Negan up inside that he didn’t know. “I just have to put finishing details into it. I have a while.”

“Not that long,” Negan pointed out, tipping his head to the side. “You better finish whatever you have planned because it’s coming up fast.”

“I will,” Joel claimed, a tiny smirk tugging at his features. “And hopefully you will hear about it through her. Not me.”

“Ah, so you think it is that good, huh?” Negan pushed, his eyebrows bouncing up when Joel thought about it for a minute before bobbing his head. “We’ll see boss.”

“Hey daddy!” Morgan called out setting the video game controller down on the ground after they had paused their game.

“Yes, baby girl?” Negan gave his daughter his attention and it made Joel swallow down hard. Knowing that he used to call his daughter that made Joel almost envious of what Negan had.

“Where did you put that drawing I did?” Morgan pulled herself up to her feet and moved across the room to Negan to place her hands on his knees. “The one that is supposed to be for them.”

“Oh, that one is on the fridge so we didn’t forget about it. Let’s go grab it,” Negan suggested, reaching down to pick Morgan up with his good arm as they headed for the stairs. “We’ll be right back.”

“Hey Joel,” Ellie got Joel’s attention from where she was still seated on the ground by the television. “I heard Negan mention Y/N’s birthday. When is it? I already finished some drawings for her and I made her this bracelet. They aren’t special, but…”

“No, they will be incredibly special for her,” Joel declared with a firm shake of his head. “I know her, she’ll love them kiddo. Her birthday is next Saturday. I checked the calendar the other day just to make sure.”

“Got it,” Ellie nodded her head about making Joel smile, glad to see that Ellie appreciated Y/N as much as he did.

When Negan and Morgan returned downstairs, Negan set her down on the ground and Morgan ran across the basement to stand before Joel. There was a shy expression over her features as she held onto a piece of paper that she had.

“Go on, you were so excited to give it to him a few minutes ago,” Negan urged his daughter, taking a seat again beside Joel who seemed uncomfortable not knowing how he should respond. “Give him what you made for him.”

“I drew this for you,” Morgan whispered, holding out the paper for Joel. Reaching out, he grabbed it in his hands and could see the way that Morgan’s dimples sank in and her hazel eyes lowered down to the ground.

“This is for me?” Joel stammered looking to the photo to see what he imagined was meant to be him and Ellie. With a sound of awe, Joel’s dark eyes lifted back up to Morgan and he immediately nodded his head. “This is amazing. Thank you so much Morgan. Ellie and I are going to have to put this up at our home.”

“Oh? Let me see,” Ellie pulled herself up to move across the basement and grab the drawing carefully from Joel’s hands. Ellie made a dramatic face and reached out to hook her arm around Morgan to give her a hug. “This is beautiful Morgan! Thank you! I think you made Joel look better!”

Hearing that made Morgan giggle and even Negan snorted in response when Joel’s eyebrows furrowed out at Ellie who obviously was teasing him. Morgan turned to face them and Joel waved her forward, “Come give me a hug kiddo.”

Stepping forward, Morgan gave Joel a hug and Negan’s hazel eyes were on them like a hawk watching the interaction. It made Negan smile and sigh before the girls went back to their game together after Ellie returned the drawing. Joel set it beside him on the couch and Negan shook his head, “Never in my life previously did I ever see you being the type to give my daughter a hug.”

“Well, it’s nice to know that sometimes you’re wrong,” Joel looked to the drawing that Negan’s daughter had done and it made him swallow down hard. “I’m not as big of an asshole as you think I am. I’m like Uncle Joel to her. I mean that’s what happens when you’re good friends with someone’s father, right?”

“Oh? So now we’re good friends?” Negan teased Joel making Joel roll his eyes again. “I thought you were just putting up with me.”

“You talk too much,” Joel huffed at his newfound friend making Negan nod.

“We know this,” Negan agreed before stretching out to get comfortable again.

“I’m surprised you don’t have more people coming here,” Joel looked around Negan’s basement taking in the bar that he had set up, his ping pong table and the pool table along with the fairy lights Joel was assuming he had put up for Morgan. “I feel like if people knew that you had this down here, they would be here all the time.”

“Your brother comes over sometimes. I think it’s to get a breather away from the dad life,” Negan responded with a nod of his head. “And a few people from the powerplant. But I’m not a big partyer. I like sharing my time with some people. Tommy helped me set all of this up. Actually the pool table was already in here when they gave me this home. Along with the bar. I just did everything else.”

“They gave you the fun stuff,” Joel frowned knowing that the home he got was across from Tommy so it made sense, but it was rather plain.

“They were probably scared of me so they gave me a house where I could do things and the town wouldn’t have to put up with my mouth,” Negan joked with a chuckle looking around the basement. “Morgan likes it though, so that’s a plus.”

“You hang out with my little brother a lot?” Joel searched for answers and Negan shrugged. “Who do you like better?”

“In what way?” Negan turned his head to stare out at Joel who shifted uncomfortably. “You’re asking me if I find your brother attractive, aren’t you?”

“Well, no. I meant as a friend, but…” Joel stammered knowing that Negan found amusement in making Joel uncomfortable. “You do call my brother pretty boy.”

“Because of his hair. Don’t worry Joel, you’re more my type,” Negan assured Joel reaching out to pat him on the chest making Joel grunt. “As far as friends go though, I get along with your brother because we both have young children. He comes to me for help sometimes. You are here much more often now though. You and I have more in common.”

Joel simply nodded and Negan gave a cheesy smile, “Are you going to brag to your brother now because we’re better friends?”

“I don’t brag,” Joel grumbled under his breath with a smirk when Negan laughed in response. “Then again, I do think I know you more than Y/N does. That gives me bragging rights there.”

“Ah, I see. So you’re a shit starter. You’re more like me every day,” Negan responded with a snort but a shrug followed. “Then again, you actually know that my daughter is my daughter. So, there is that.”

“Are you talking about me?” Morgan heard Negan mention his daughter and it made Negan chuckle.

“I’m always talking about you sweetheart,” Negan gave a wink watching Morgan set down the remote and hop up. She ran across the basement to jump into his arms making Negan laugh and hold her close to him. Squeezing her in his arms, Negan peppered her with kisses making her giggles intensify. “Is everyone hungry? I can make all of us some dinner.”

“We can just go to the dining hall,” Joel suggested seeing Ellie hop up from the floor and rub her hands together. Joel stood and set the drawing Morgan had given him on the pool table so he wouldn’t forget it when they came back.

“I can go for some food,” Ellie agreed moving with the rest of them upstairs. They headed out into town to go grab something to eat. During their meal, Joel and Negan just really had the two girls talk about school along with anything they wanted to talk about.

“Daddy, can we have some pie?” Morgan looked up at Negan with her big hazel eyes from where she was seated next to him at the table. It made Negan smirk and gaze up at Joel knowing that of the four of them, he would really be the one that would give them the okay.

“Of course you can,” Joel blurt out making Morgan smile. “How about you and I go up there? We’ll grab a piece for all of us.”

“Okay,” Morgan excitedly hopped out of her seat and waited for Joel to make his way around the table. When Joel moved in beside her, Morgan held her hand out to him and Joel looked back at Negan for confirmation that it was okay. Giving Joel a nod, he watched with a smirk when Joel took her hand in his and led her to the area they kept the desserts.

“I never thought I’d see the day where the two of you were close,” Ellie muttered from across the table shoving another forkful of food into her mouth.

“It’s Morgan,” Negan commented with a shrug of his shoulders. “You’ve seen Sarah. They look very similar. I think being with you and Morgan makes Joel happy. It’s the happiest I see him. That guy loves you kid.”

“Yeah,” Ellie looked to Joel and Morgan again.

“I think you should tell him,” Negan mentioned in a quiet voice making Ellie swallow down hard and gaze over at him. “I told him that first day we started spending time together that I was bisexual and he was very open to the idea of it. I don’t think he’s going to be upset if you tell him that you’re attracted to other girls Ellie. Having the support of your father figure might be nice to have. I think he’ll happily accept you the way you are.”

“I don’t know,” Ellie looked down toward her plate and poked at her food. “He’s from Texas Negan. It’s one thing being okay with some dude you see every so often, but I don’t know how he would feel about me since I am like a daughter to him.”

“I think Joel is a lot more accepting than you think he is. He’s just got a rough exterior,” Negan suggested, pushing at the remainder of his food as well. “You told me. I think you should tell him.”

“Well, you’re different,” Ellie grimaced, gazing back over her shoulder again at Joel and Morgan while they talked. She assumed they were weighing out the options of what dessert they actually wanted since each person was allowed only one. “I needed someone to talk to.”

“I think Y/N and Joel are perfectly capable of being people you can talk to,” Negan maintained, his eyebrows bouncing up when Ellie swallowed down hard. “That guy loves you. It would never change the way he looks at you. I think you will feel better if you tell him.”

“We’ll see,” Ellie went silent when Joel and Morgan returned with four small plates with cuts of pie for all of them. Straightening up her posture, she looked to the pie that Joel had set in front of her and weakly smiled. “Thank you.”

“No problem kiddo,” Joel finished handing out the plates while Negan helped Morgan get back into her chair.

“Were you good for Joel?” Negan nuzzled his nose in against the side of Morgan’s face making her laugh and reach out to push her hand playfully into her father’s face. It made Negan snort out and smile brightly.

“Of course,” Morgan cuddled her head in against the center of Negan’s chest making Negan wrap her up in his arms. “I’m a good kid.”

“I know you are, I’m a very lucky man,” Negan admitted caressing his palm in over the center of Morgan’s back. The way that Joel stared out at them made Negan’s heart full. It was clear that Joel liked being around him for a certain reason, but he couldn’t blame Joel for that.

After they finished their meal, they headed back to Negan’s home and Ellie walked hand-in-hand with Morgan while they talked about one of their comics that they liked together. “I’m super thankful for Ellie. She’s like a big sister to Morgan. It’s been a pleasure getting to have her be around. She’s a cool fucking kid. You’ve done good with her.”

“That’s all her, I won’t take credit for that,” Joel threw his hands up in the air knowing that Ellie was good all on her own. “I wish I could take credit, but I can’t. She’s a good kid. She would have been with or without me.”

“I think you’re a good influence on her,” Negan nudged Joel with his shoulder making Joel smirk before nodding his head.

Since the sun was starting to go down, they all took some time to play catch together in the back yard of Negan’s home. Today wasn’t just a quick visit, Ellie and Joel had been at Negan’s home from afternoon until night. It was one of their longer visits, but they didn’t seem to complain and enjoyed themselves.

“It’s almost time for bed baby girl,” Negan informed Morgan seeing the dramatic frown that she gave him. “Listen, I would let you stay up for as long as you want, but I guarantee in the next hour you’re going to be exhausted.”

“Just for a little while longer, please?” Morgan begged making Negan sigh before nodding. It was hard to tell his daughter no. So they sat around talking for a while longer until Morgan had fully fallen asleep in Negan’s arms. She had crashed fast, but Negan wasn’t going to complain having her in his arms like this.

“Well, you called that one,” Ellie smirked and stood up from where she was seated, pointing in the direction of their home. “I’m exhausted myself. So I’m going to head back to the house. I had a great time hanging out with the two of you. Let Morgan know that it was fun and I’ll see her tomorrow. We’ll have to do this again soon. Maybe invite Y/N next time too.”

“Sure thing kiddo,” Negan held up his fist making Ellie smirk when she moved out to Negan to knuckle bump him.

“You coming?” Ellie waited for Joel who looked over at Negan and Morgan before swallowing down.

“I left Morgan’s drawing in the basement so I’m going to take a few more minutes. When I get home, I will come and check in on you to let you know I’m home,” Joel answered and Ellie gave him a quick hug before heading out.

“I’ve gotta carry this one up to her room, but you can follow me,” Negan offered carrying Morgan into the house while she was out cold in his arms. Negan was carrying her up the stairs and Joel debated whether or not he would wait for Negan, but ultimately, he followed them waiting at the door to her bedroom while Negan laid her down in bed. Negan carefully pulled off her shoes before reaching for the blankets to pull them in over her. The movement made Morgan’s eyes flutter to an open and she let out an exhausted yawn.

“What happened?” Morgan reached up to rub at her eyes, yawning when Negan smiled down at her.

“You fell asleep in my arms,” Negan informed her with a wink making Morgan pout. “It’s okay to be tired. Ellie wanted me to tell you that she had a good time and she will see you tomorrow. She got tired too. So it’s okay to fall asleep.”

“Okay,” her tiny voice whispered looking to her door to see that Joel was standing there watching them. Lifting her hand she waved at Joel who took a minute before he waved back. “Goodnight Joel.”

“Goodnight Morgan,” Joel offered up a faint smile taking his time to watch Negan with her. While it made him happy to see Morgan, it also hurt him. At this point, if Sarah was still alive, he could be watching her with her own child. It was a life that he was cheated out of and it made his heart ache. Negan gave Morgan a final kiss before turning her light off. When Negan came out of the room and closed the door, Joel reached back to caress over the back of his own neck. “You think I can get a drink from you?”

“Sure,” Negan waved Joel to follow him downstairs toward the basement. Joel took a seat at the bar while Negan poured him a glass of whiskey and he sighed. “What’s wrong boss?”

“I was just thinking about life. Right now Sarah would be thirty-four if she wasn’t taken away from me,” Joel informed Negan with a loud swallow. “Watching you and Morgan together makes me think about what it would have been like if she did get to grow up. If she did get to have a family of her own. There is so much that I wished for her and it just…it never stops hurting.”

“I can’t imagine that it does,” Negan slid the glass out to Joel, bracing his weight on the bar top. “I’m sorry it happened Joel.”

“Me too,” Joel quickly swallowed down the drink that Negan had gotten him. With a frown, Negan handed the bottle out to Joel allowing him to have at it with how much he wanted. “You sure?”

“Have at it. Since I had those painkillers that were super strong, I really haven’t taken a drink myself,” Negan headed around the bar to head over to the couch to sit down. Grabbing the bottle, Joel followed Negan over to the couch to sit down. “Now, I only take the weaker stuff as needed, but I don’t know. I guess I kind of got used to not drinking it.”

“You’re stronger than me,” Joel huffed, bringing the bottle to his lips to take a long swallow of it. “Before I found Ellie, I did whatever I could to sleep. To try and forget the pain. I took pills, I drank…I did whatever it took. I’m probably still lucky I’m here.”

Negan was quiet, listening to Joel while he spoke. Joel took another long sip from the bottle of whiskey before holding it out for Negan. With a huff, Negan reached for the neck of the bottle and took a drink from it as well before handing it back to Joel, “How do you still smile through things Negan? After all you lost?”

“It’s for Morgan. You have to understand, Lucille was the love of my life,” Negan recalled back on his past thinking back to his late wife. “She knew all of me and she still loved me. I thought everything ended the day that I lost her. Through our suffering, sometimes we are given tiny blessings in this life. Morgan is mine and Ellie is yours. We’ve lost what we lost, but right now we have what we do. It’s what we do with our time left that really defines us. You know?”

“I suppose so,” Joel breathed out heavily, clinging tightly to the neck of the bottle. “Ellie really is a miracle for me. She brought me back to Earth. Without her, God, I don’t know where I would be right now.”

“She’s a blessing,” Negan gave Joel a wink and closed his eyes feeling his own fatigue coming over him. “We’re both blessed to have two amazing kids in our lives.”

“True,” Joel agreed with Negan, taking another long sip of the burning alcohol making him hiss when he pulled the bottle away from his lips. “Do you ever think you will want to be with someone else? Find love again?”

“I’m not a good guy Joel. I don’t deserve something like that,” Negan slid down a bit, getting comfortable on the couch.

“You’re telling me that there isn’t anyone that you have found yourself wanting to be with since you lost Annie?” Joel reasoned with Negan hearing him sigh loudly and frown before looking straight forward away from Joel.

“I have loved someone, sure,” Negan answered feeling his throat go dry when he thought about Y/N and the feelings he forced himself to attempt to stop having. “But they deserve better than me. I’m just a jinx when it comes to things. Sure, I love them, but they deserve better than me.”

“So you do like someone here?” Joel inquired with an arch of his brow making Negan huff out loud and grumble something under his breath. “Come on, tell me who it is and maybe we can get you a date with her. Or him…”

“No,” Negan shook his head, his eyebrows tensing when he looked back to Joel. “I need to be alone. Focus on Morgan.”

“Okay, well then tell me who you think is good looking here. Maybe we can get you laid,” Joel joked elbowing Negan with his arm. It made Negan wince when it was the side that Negan injured and Joel immediately sat forward placing his hand in over where he hit. “Shit man, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re fine, don’t worry,” Negan laughed waving his hand in the air trying to get Joel to stop worrying. “I’m fine. Really though, we don’t have to worry about getting me laid.”

“Five years is a long time,” Joel reminded Negan hearing Negan snort when Negan tried getting relaxed again on the couch. “It wouldn’t hurt to find someone that you like.”

“I’m good. For real. You don’t have to tell me five years is a long time, I’m very fucking aware. But it’s not the longest I’ve waited. So I’ll be fine,” Negan assured Joel with a grumble. “You know, sometimes with celibacy you think the clearest you have in a very long time.”

“There isn’t anyone that you’re attracted to?” Joel nudged Negan’s arm that was resting on the couch that was beside him this time making sure to be careful with the way he did it.

“Sure there is, but it doesn’t mean I should have sex with them,” Negan smirked, his head tipping to the side to gaze over at Joel. “Trust me.”

“Don’t you want to do something for yourself?” Joel pushed further, setting the bottle of alcohol between his thighs after he stretched out like Negan was beside him, resting his arm beside Negan’s.

“I do, but I don’t need that,” Negan snorted, shaking his head. “Trust me, the two people I find the most attractive here are already together.”

“Maria and Tommy?” Joel joked seeing the way that Negan gazed over at him, his eyebrow arching making Joel snort. “No?”

“I’m the most attracted to you and Y/N, but that happens when you’re friends with someone. You get comfortable with them,” Negan pointed out hearing Joel let out a long exhale and he shook his head letting out a tight laugh. “So unless you and Y/N are looking for a third wheel, I’m plenty fine on my own. You can barely handle Y/N on your own, the last thing you need is a third person in your relationship.”

“Oh,” Joel noticed the way that Negan shook his head and he felt a lump growing in his throat. “You’re really attracted to us?”

“Why would I lie to you?” Negan grumbled, his eyebrow arching up, his eyes lowering when he realized that Joel’s fingers were touching his. Negan’s eyes lifted to stare out at Joel and it made Joel sit forward grabbing a hold of the bottle of alcohol that was there. “Sorry to make things awkward.”

“No, no…” Joel immediately shook his head and cleared his throat standing up from the couch to go set the bottle of alcohol back on the bar. “You didn’t make things awkward. I did by pushing things. You finding us attractive isn’t awkward though. It’s flattering. I told you that before.”

“You’re freaking out,” Negan stammered from where he was sitting on the couch still. “You’re not suddenly gay because your fingers grazed mine Joel.”

“I didn’t say that,” Joel shook his head, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when Negan leaned forward on the couch. “I just realize that it is late and…”

“Sit down,” Negan demanded making Joel’s jaw flex before he took a seat again sitting straight forward next to Negan. “Don’t make our friendship uncomfortable just because I told you I was bisexual. You’re not going to suddenly turn bisexual just because you are hanging out with me. You’re comfortable with me because I’m another man and I’m a father. You find comfort in that. And it’s okay. But I promise you I will not jump you and I will not jump your girlfriend just because I find the two of you attractive. I’ve gone without for five years and I’m perfectly fine. So don’t freak out.”

“I know all of that, I’m not a bigot Negan,” Joel grumbled under his breath making Negan’s eyebrows bounce and he nodded. “Truthfully Negan? I’m not uncomfortable about you being attracted to me. Sex is sex. I don’t judge about that stuff. It doesn’t bother me. At all. People have every right to be attracted to anyone they want to be and love who they want. Plus, I understand in this world that sometimes who you are attracted to, it’s not always the opposite sex. Sometimes you have to get comfort where you can within reason. But I support that whole love is love and people should be happy thing. There is so much going on in the world right now that I would be an asshole to be discomforted because another man found me attractive. Hating someone for who they like or love is stupid.”

“Are you…” Negan thought about the rant that Joel just had before going quiet knowing that he didn’t want to push things.

“What makes me nervous with you is how quickly I’ve been honest with you about things. How fast we got along. I don’t get it,” Joel admitted with a low rumble of a growl, his brow line creasing. “You were Y/N’s best friend first.”

“You want someone to talk to. Everyone does,” Negan pointed out with a simple shake of his head. “It’s okay. I’m another man. I have a child. I went through similar things. It’s okay. I’m not running to Y/N to tell her things. I’m not going to tell anyone about the stuff we talk about.”

“I get that, but you have to understand my relationship is working now because you have been helping me. If she finds out or if something goes wrong between the two of us,” Joel pointed back and forth between him and Negan.

“It won’t. I promise,” Negan assured Joel, pressing his hand in over the center of his chest. “You have my word. She won’t know that I’ve been helping you and I promise that we won’t stop being friends so I can continue to help you if you need it.”

“Yeah,” Joel swallowed down hard in a tense moment. “I just don’t want things to go back to the way they used to be with Y/N.”

“And I understand that,” Negan declared holding his hand up in the air, waving it about. “I’m telling you, nothing on my end is going to make things change. It’s nice having two friends here as opposed to just one. Well, one friend and a guy who just puts up with me.”

“Well I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I reckon I owe you one,” Joel sighed loudly, sitting up from the couch again. “I really should get going though. I have to head back to be with Y/N. I’ve been gone all day.”

“I’ll lead you out,” Negan followed Joel up the stairs after Joel got the drawing that Morgan had made and pulled the door open for Joel to step out onto the front porch. Joel stopped, shoving one of his hands into his pocket while the other held the drawing and Joel turned on his heel to look back at Negan. “I’ll see you later.”

“You’re not as bad of a guy as you think you are,” Joel finally muttered making Negan’s jaw clench and he looked down toward the ground. “I did a lot of bad things too Negan. Things that make it hard to sleep at night. But if I deserve a second chance, maybe you do too.”

“Maybe,” Negan shrugged his shoulders after his hazel eyes gazed up at Joel who stepped back slowly. Joel waved before heading back toward his own home leaving Negan to himself.

Ending the day with that was definitely anxiety inducing. Surprise flooded Negan’s veins at the idea that Joel didn’t end up beating the hell out of him. In their conversation, Joel got Negan to admit that he loves someone who was in Jackson. And he also got Negan to admit that he was the most attracted to Y/N and Joel. If Joel took a moment to think about it, he would have realized that Negan was admitting to being in love with Y/N. It wasn’t that hard to piece together, but Joel hadn’t. Originally, he started this friendship with Joel because he wanted to make sure there was that extra incentive that he wouldn’t act on his feelings toward Y/N. He also knew that he wanted Y/N happy and Joel was the number one way she would get that. Genuinely, he also liked Joel.

Clutching the door tightly, Negan frowned and shook his head. For so long he had worked hard to not get attached to people. Being friends with both Y/N and Joel had made it hard to do that though. Especially with Y/N. He had fallen in love and he had done it fast. Honestly? It made him feel bad about himself. He knew in the long run he would never be good enough for someone like Y/N or even Joel in that matter. So being their friend was really all he could do and he would have to remind himself of that as much as he could possibly do. In his mind, Negan didn’t deserve happiness beyond Morgan. So he would have to force himself to shut down those feelings as best as he possibly could.

----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @insertneganhere @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @nt-multi-fandom @tone-stark @chloepricerk800 @thesapphirequeen @wonwoosthetic @misskittydenoire @casangel1986

#Joel Miller #Negan #Pedro Pascal #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #The Last of Us #The Walking Dead #joel miller x reader #negan fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #twd fanfiction #negan x reader

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chaifootsteps · 9 months

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I saw people asking about me, and wanted to clear things up in case of confusion - this is coming from my own bias because it's my side, but I try to be as objective as possible.

When I was younger I ran a webcomic and went under less of a handle and more of a personal name. Viv sent her friend at the time, Faust, to bully me (they were already bullying a bunch of other artists at the time too), I THINK for "similar styles" since that was something Viv got defensive over and a lot of people compared our art very publicly. This was years worth of bullying, too, so when people say "it happened years ago", yes, and it carried on for years.

Eventually, Faust also bullies another friend of mine, and this causes a mutual friend between the two of us (who ran an HH fan blog) to leave the fandom and announce by on the blog. Viv commented directly on it, and called the blog owner a liar and my other friend a liar. I reblogged the post on my main account, and basically said "My friends aren't liars and here's the proof of what they're saying about what Faust did." Some time after this, Viv started going to her crew and friends, and started telling them to actively block me and stop supporting my work (we had a lot of mutual supporters). I got blocked suddenly by anyone connected to her that I was connected to, and later this was confirmed when one of her former Patreon mods let it slip to a mutual friend between she and I. This was grounds for financial damages technically, I'm not as concerned with that because I was such a small fry in a big webcomic pool, but it did hurt a lot to hear that someone with hundreds of thousands of followers had it out for me because she couldn't beat me into the ground years prior.

Trying to keep a long story short, she sent her sister to apologize to some other victims, and the victim I talked to told me to reach out to said sister since Viv refused to apologize herself and made her sister into a proxy. I DM'd said sister, asked for an apology, got blocked, never tried to contact anyone in her family again. In the apology the other victim got, Viv's sister fully admitted that Viv had an issue with cyberbullying and had in fact sent Faust to attack other people "all those years ago". Viv posted about me by name on Bluesky where I didn't have an account at the time to contest anything she said with - she said I was a stalker (I've never made an effort to find anything that isn't public or sent to me), that I meant her physical harm (I do not, I would never, and I have repeatedly said that what I want in an ideal world is for her to apologize to all her victims, myself included, and then do some soul-searching and come back a better person), that I harassed her family (as said above, I went to her sister on advice from one of the other victims, because Viv used her sister as a mouthpiece and that's on her), and that I ran multiple accounts to do all this (I deleted my old accounts under my personal name because of the personal hurt I was going through, I took a break from the internet for months, and then I came back on this account with a handle that's very sentimental to me - the two accounts never existed at the same time).

Faust may have grown in that time, I only mention them in this story out of wanting to keep clarity, and honestly if they have changed then good for them and I wish them the best. I don't like everything they've said and done, especially where their treatments of clients has come in, but I know they've gone through some rough stuff and also been thrown under the bus by Viv so... I'd appreciate if they at least fessed up to their culpability in it, because that would help vindicate a lot of the victims, and I think a lot of people would be willing to forgive them if they just acknowledged the hurt they caused instead of pretending like it never happened and they never helped Viv do it. That said, Viv was still the one who sicked them on me, and she was still the one who went out of her way to try to hurt my work and myself.

Thank you for your story and clarification. Not gonna comment too much because I want it to let it stand on its own, but it really does sound like everyone else grew up and Vivzie just...never did.

#Kedikatzen #vivziepop #vivziepop critical #actual blog post

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koorinokujira · 3 months

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Ok this is just an idea, but who do you think would suit the trope s/he (reader) fell first, and s/he fell too late? it's just such an angsty idea i can't comprehend this gosh 😭😭

Oh, such drama! Such angst! But of course, I'll gladly deliver, Anon. Now, this actually made me think pretty hard, because let's be real- most of these people are probably very touch starved, because, you know, war. But I eventually came to the conclusion that it could be a few of our "less approachable/romanceable" leaders. So, our dearest Magoichi, Mitsunari... and honestly, I also decided to include Shingen (not saying he's unapproachable, we love our warlord dad). I chose him because he has great angst potential. So, happy reading! Well... not really happy, but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless.

💔 Too Little, Too Late - SB Imagines 💔

Ever since you met the one you fell so hard for, you felt nothing but affection. Sure, there were flaws, but you were willing to accept them, or try to help fix them if they could be fixed. You were loyal, devoted, and always willing to lend a hand. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, your efforts would be noticed and your love reciprocated. But it wasn't. Not until it was too late... but you aren't the one left to pick up the pieces.

💔 Magoichi 💔

Magoichi was always... fond of you. She didn't even realize it herself for the longest time- after all, relationships weren't exactly her forte. She had the Saika Faction to run, and even when she had time for herself between all those battles and price negotiations, she preferred to remain in solitude. Alone, as she was supposed to be. In her mind, at least.

She found you a bit strange, perhaps. Too good to be true. When she gave an order, you never hesitated and went for it. When she scolded you, you never complained and used it to become an even better soldier. Your skills with a rifle also weren't anything to scoff at. Really, you were a model member of the Faction. Always there, always willing to lend a hand. She appreciated it, as any superior would, though she rarely ever said anything out loud. Actions speak louder than words, after all. And she couldn't play favorites, nor allow herself to be anything but the strong leader everyone needs her to be. She had a legacy to carry.

But now, things are different. It all started innocently enough- she's been getting reports here and there that no one could find you. Of course, you always made sure to have all your tasks completed before sneaking out who knows where. And it happened only every once in a while, so there was no reason to worry. But slowly, it became more and more frequent, to the point where she just had to find out what was going on. Why would you sneak off like that? You were always more than content to spend your free time either alone or with the others- the Saika Faction was like family to you.

She feels your absence most of all, she realizes as she watches you leave from the encampment again, thinking that no one can see. It was like things got... grey, whenever you left. Dull, without that trademark friendly grin you gave her whenever she sent you out to do one thing or another. The way you'd pat your fellow warriors on the back and gave them uplifting words when they needed it. And the way your eyes softened when you talked to her- well, there weren't enough words to describe the feeling.

She hates this, hates this realization. That someone somehow bypassed the walls she built around her heart, and she didn't even notice. And she hates it even more at this moment, because the very reason she plans to follow you now is to check if you're not compromising the Faction somehow. Why else would you sneak off? The chances of you being a spy are small, of course... but never zero, and she owes the Faction at least this much.

Screw it all.

Magoichi makes sure to follow you at a good distance- your senses are not to be scoffed at, of course. You lead her across various paths, through a small forest, over a wooden bridge that's barely stable to walk on, and then... you get to a farm. A village is nearby, too. Everything around it has seen better days, but clearly, the place is still being tended to. There are crops, and Magoichi swears she hears some animals in the distance. But that's not what she focuses on, no.

She focuses on him. The kind looking farmer who looks to be only a bit older than you. You chat and laugh, with you giving him the same look you used to give her once upon a time. And he looks at you the same way. There is a certain... tenderness in the way you move, and the leader of the Saika Faction feels a strange ache in her chest.

You look happy.

And she has to turn away, feeling like a fool for the first time in a long while. Of course she missed all the signs, all the times you passed by her and "accidentally" brushed fingers with her, all the times you made a point to stay nearby after your tasks were finished. She never reciprocated... and so you eventually found someone who cares about you as much as you do about them.

It is a bittersweet feeling, this love. She looks at you one last time before heading back towards the hideout. It hurts badly, to finally let down her guard only to realize it was for nothing. But at the same time... it is strangely reassuring to know that despite her harsh exterior, someone still developed feelings for her, fleeting as they may have been. She knows they were true, this wasn't like that foolish vagabond that pestered her for affection. And she hopes that maybe, just maybe...

...there will be another who will disarm her with such ease. She will be ready this time.

💔 Mitsunari 💔

It's all so... stupid.

The war, the way he has to constantly fight to be respected, the fact that every single day he feels like he loses himself more and more... he hates it. He wants to scream, but how many times did he do that already? How many times did he lose his temper when someone even dared to think of going against him? And where has that gotten him? What was it all for?

Nothing.

If only he had a shoulder to cry on right now. Someone to tell him that all hope is not yet lost. He used to have that. But he took it for granted, and now it's gone. He would like to believe otherwise, of course, but as he stares back at your grave, he is reminded of the painful reality he's found himself in.

He knew these feelings before you died, of course. The deaths of Lord Hideyoshi and Lord Hanbe were more painful than a blade in his heart. The grief and thirst for revenge was what propelled him forward since then. And he'd keep going until he took Tokugawa's head, and everything would be right in the world. It was terrible, painful... but also simple. To him, at least.

But this... this is different. It started with rage, like before, but then it changed into something new. This pain, it's quiet. Instead of a raging tempest, it's a gentle breeze, bringing back the sweet smell of what he once held in his grasp. A soft requiem instead of a battlecry. And somehow, that makes his heart bleed more profusely than anything else before.

It was spring when he first met you, he remembers. He didn't really have time to appreciate the blooming flowers, though. His lord was already dead by that point, and it was all he could think of. And then you showed up, dragging him back to reality by force. You weren't like the others, walking on eggshells as to not upset him even further, no. You fearlessly locked eyes with him, introduced yourself and told him it was an honor to be serving in his army now. He was upset that someone interrupted his moment of quiet, of course, but something compelled him not to unsheathe his blade this time. He still remembers how he just grunted in annoyance and dismissed you without a word. Why even bother?

But you were hard at work, nonetheless. Fighting, doing as you're told, even showing an aptitude for strategy. With each battle won, you rose through the ranks, until he had to see you basically every single day. He would never admit it, but he found your presence refreshing. You were honest - too honest at times - and he never felt like you had some ulterior motive, unlike with a certain someone that acted as his right hand. Terribly stubborn, too; once he showed that he at least tolerates your presence, you refused to leave his side, taking it upon yourself to guard him.

No matter how much he ranted about how he wants to kill Ieyasu, no matter how unfriendly or harsh he was, no matter how much he was falling apart and being a terrible leader, you stuck by. Watching, listening. And more often than not, you had something to say, too. Usually something uplifting. Oh, how he hated you for not letting him wallow in misery back then. How you tried to get him to move on and fight for something else than revenge, that he had potential to even surpass those he missed so dearly. How dare you say such things?

And so he constantly dismissed you, belittled you for your naive hopes for a better tomorrow, for trusting in him so blindly. However, that was just his fear talking. The idea of having hope and it instantly getting shattered by this war, by his enemy, seemed much worse than the pain he was already feeling. He knew that pain, at least.

Mitsunari kept refusing to acknowledge you, despite the mounting feeling in his subconscious that he cared. And before he knew it... you sacrificed yourself. For a wounded brother in arms, despite being wounded yourself. You bought him time and lost all of your own by that deed. He wasn't even there to see it... he just saw your body getting carried into the castle and heard the story from the other soldiers.

Only when he picked up your bloodied blade that day did he realize how much he's really been holding back. He didn't just care, he... he loved. And it wasn't just about the comfort you provided, it was about... well, you. Your smile, the way you'd tap the hilt of your blade whenever you were thinking, the entertaining anecdotes you told him about the time you were still training as a warrior. Oh, and rain, you loved the rain. You'd stand in the middle of the courtyard during thunderstorms with the biggest smile on your face and come inside only after you looked like someone threw you into a lake, shaking with the cold. It makes you feel alive, you told him. Like you can finally breathe.

He kept that blade, using it instead of his own since then. The blade is a warrior's soul, after all. But it doesn't make it much better. He still feels that ache in his chest, even though it's been months. When Lord Hideyoshi died, he could feel angry, he had something to work towards. But there's no Ieyasu Tokugawa to blame this time. Only a battered blade of someone dear, a heart full of regrets and affections unsaid...

...and the flowers he could only place near your headstone now.

💔 Shingen 💔

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Not that the Lord of the Takeda clan would know such a phrase. But that doesn't stop him from feeling the crushing weight of its meaning. He's not used to such emotions anymore. When he loses someone, he's sad for a while, and then he moves on. As a leader, he can't afford to dwell on such things. He needs to move forward, lead his clan and help it thrive.

Except this time, he can't seem to shake it off.

And so here he is again, on the battlefield where it began and ended in what seemed like seconds. There's still a few places where grass hasn't really grown back yet after the ordeals of battle, but nature has mostly reclaimed it. There's a soft breeze blowing, and the sky is fairly clear. It's... peaceful. And yet, there's an ache in his heart that not even nature's beauty can cure.

As he sits down into the soft grass, he can't help but think back on the first time you two met. It was thanks to Yukimura, he remembers. You and his young mentee had become friends, and so it didn't take long for you to be dragged over to meet the Lord. Yukimura ranted and raved about how amazing of a fighter you are, while you just politely stood behind him. He remembers how respectful you were the entire time. And it didn't take too long for him to recognize your loyal, honorable ways, either. You were a great soldier.

But there were things he didn't notice fast enough. Like how your clear, formal tone started to soften whenever he discussed strategy with you. How the first thing you did when coming back from battle was to go see him and report personally, even if anyone else could have done it. And that one night when he couldn't sleep and found you in the courtyard, staring wistfully at the stars. You gave him such a kind smile that day, and invited him to join you. So he did. And it was a night that brought great comfort to his weary mind.

Why did he take it for granted?

Time went on, and the day of that fateful battle came. It seemed just like any other that the Takeda clan faced. Armed with both wits and weapons, the troops were ready. Yukimura was getting riled up, while Sasuke dropped his casual attitude and braced himself for the upcoming fight. And you stood proudly right at the front, ready to break through the enemy lines. However, no one expected how wrong it could get.

An ambush. They tore into the left flank, and the situation turned an organized battle into a chaotic bloodbath. There was confusion, screaming, and soldiers were dropping left and right. And as Lord Shingen tried to get a hold of the situation again, he didn't even notice the bow aimed at his back. But you did...

...and the arrow that should have hit him hit you instead.

He won't forget that terrible noise, followed by the thump of your body dropping on the ground. Seconds turned into eternity as he spun around and saw you, clutching the arrow in your chest. He didn't even notice how your fellow soldiers went after the bowman right after as he knelt down. The world seemed to go silent, interrupted only by the sound of you struggling to breathe. There were tears in your eyes and your hands trembled like they never did before. But it wasn't fear of death he saw in your eyes. It was regret.

And then you spoke. It was hard to understand... but he managed. You finally confessed. How much you admired him, and how his very presence made your days brighter. How you loved all his little quirks, and just... everything about him. How much it hurt that you were so close and yet so far. And then you just... apologized and begged him to forgive you for such dishonorable thoughts. But that if you were to die that day, you wanted to die with nothing left unsaid.

He remembers how your hands were still warm when he gently took them into his, realizing with horror that... he didn't want to let you go either. When did you become so important to him, and more importantly, why didn't he realize it sooner?! In his mind, he cursed whatever god made him so oblivious.

But on the outside, he simply shook his head.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I couldn't stop such a feeling even if I wanted to. But I don't. So please... keep it close, until we meet again. And then let me share it."

He still doesn't know how he spoke so calmly. Perhaps he hoped that those tears would stop running down your face, or that the wound in your chest would close with his comforting words. But all he got was a look of relief, before you took a last, shaky breath.

He looks up at the clouds lazily drifting above him, letting the memories flow. He hears birds chirping in the distance, and a white butterfly lands on the nearby flowers.

If only you could enjoy this scenery with him.

---

Whew, finally finished it! Many apologies for the delay. I felt super burnt out because of schoolwork, and these imagines gave me a bit of trouble.

Originally, Motonari was supposed to be here too (so the stories would be two scenarios where the reader lives, and two where they due), but after I wrote almost a 1000 words, I decided I hate it and that I need to practice writing him more before I do any scenarios with him lol. Our cold-hearted tactician will get his spotlight later, don't worry!

I have two more requests lined up right now, so I'll get to work again tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, and as always...

...have a spectacular day!

#sengoku basara #senbasa #ishida mitsunari #mitsunari ishida #magoichi saika #saika magoichi #takeda shingen #shingen takeda #senbasa fanfic #senbasa imagines #i am so sorry for bullying mitsunari like that but it's so easy #not me making myself sad by writing these

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3tabbiesandalab · 2 years

Text

Old Cowboy Sayings Epilogue

I wasn't going to do an epilogue but a lovely anon left me my second ever request and I couldn't say no! I hope you enjoy it!

Very light smut only (sorry anon if it wasn't raunchy enough for you)

Rhett Abbott x Reader

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Rhett is a fucking mess but he’s been made to feel mediocre his whole life so he just believes it. Reader comes along to hopefully make him see his worth.

He sat on the porch of the house as the sun went down, rocking back and forth in on the old swing seat gazing at his twin daughters sleeping in his arms. Rhett still had to pinch himself sometimes, to make sure this was actually his life. Only a few years ago, watching the sun rise or set from the saddle, a good bull ride or time with Amy would have given Rhett a small glimpse of joy. Now he was living it, every moment of every day with YFN and his girls.

He smiled and thought back to before the babies had been born. After the night YFN came to the rodeo and he’d proposed, Rhett had been man on a mission, and thoroughly enjoyed keeping her full of his cum day and night. He knew he’d been a menace but YFN was a willing participant, and some primal need had been set off inside of him and getting her knocked up was almost all he could think about, and he would try to fuck a baby into her anytime and anywhere.

His folks had almost caught them in precarious positions many times, but one day Royal and Cecelia found him balls deep in his fiancé on the kitchen table, and that was enough for his them to sit Rhett and YFN down and discuss the plan they had for building a second house on ranch. They readily agreed and YFN left to go to the office to get things started immediately.

“Rhett I hope you plan on marryin’ her soon. Otherwise I won’t be able to show my face in church if you get her pregnant.” Cecelia chastised him.

Rhett laughed, it would hardly the worst thing he’d done, not to mention her other son was doing life in prison for murder and other awful things. But he agreed as he knew YFN wanted to be married before she was pregnant.

She had mentioned to him, she was just fine to go to the courthouse and sign something and be done with it. But Rhett actually wanted to marry YFN in a proper ceremony before his family and the people of their small town to show her just how important she was to him.

So he recruited Cecelia and of course Amy once she got home from school, to organise a secret wedding since Rhett and YFN were too busy with the ranch, his new horse training program and of course screwing at every available opportunity.

Royal who had been quiet while wedding plans were being talked about, simply said “You best get the deed of the ranch changed, this place is as much hers as it is yours.”

And Rhett agreed. YFN was the heart of the place and as soon as she was officially an Abbott, he would make sure the ranch was in her name too.

Happy with the plans they had made, Rhett needed to return to work but his mind could really only think of one thing. He wanted to find YFN and finish what he had started on the kitchen table. He wanted to make her scream his name and fill her pretty pussy up with his cum.

……..

Rhett went along with all of Cecelia’s and Amy’s plans for a small church wedding and potluck afterwards at the ranch. He knew it was important to Cecelia and that she was using it as a way to make up for her past wrongdoings towards him. Rhett appreciated the time and effort she was making, and it allowed him to concentrate on YFN and the ranch.

He was only responsible for the rings and for getting YFN to sign the marriage licence. Rhett hated keeping things from YFN, secrecy and lying were two things that had left him scarred from years past. So he felt awful when he slipped the licence in front of her with the other documents she always signed without looking because she trusted him. He knew deep down though, she wouldn’t be mad at the deception.

When the wedding was only days away, Rhett ended up having to confess the plan to YFN because she had been tired and off, and a bit sick for weeks, so he was worried it wouldn’t be able to go ahead. At first, she burst into tears and sobbed, and Rhett was worried he’d fucked up. He’d never seen her so emotional before, not even after the awful business with Perry, so he offered to postpone the wedding. But she yelled at him, then kissed him deeply before she shoo’d him away and asked for Amy and Cecelia to fill in the details.

Rhett was confused as hell at her reactions and wanted to go back in and question what was going on. But in a rare showing of fatherly wisdom, Royal patted him on the shoulder and quoted an old cowboy saying “‘There are two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works’.”

……..

If someone had of told Rhett he’d be stood at the altar of a church, a successful bull rider and ranch owner waiting to get married to a woman he adored in front almost the entire town, he would have never of believed them. But he was thrilled to be marrying YFN and proud of who he’d become, even though he was still sometimes a bit of a mess. Rhett watched as Amy hurried up the aisle before the ceremony had started, she looked very pretty in her bridesmaid dress but had a worried look on her face.

“Uncle Rhett, you better come with me.” she said shakily, and Rhett felt panic rise up inside him as he followed her to the bathroom of the church, Cecelia, and Royal standing outside the door.

“What’s goin’ on? Is YFN alright?” he said distressed at the looks Cecelia and Amy were giving him.

Cecelia looked at Rhett knowingly and whispered “YFN’s not feeling too well. I think you should check on her Rhett.”

“Ain’t that bad luck or somethin’?” he asked.

Royal barked out a gruff laugh.

Hearing his distant, withdrawn father laugh wasn’t something Rhett used too. “I wouldn’t worry ‘bout bad luck on your weddin’ day. Pretty sure you put the cart before the horse son.” he said cryptically as Cecelia smacked him across the shoulder.

Rhett had no idea what was going on but was starting to get very worried, so he knocked lightly on the bathroom door and pushed it open. YFN was sitting on the floor next to the toilet she’d obviously been sick in and gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. She wore a simple white dress, a little bit of makeup and her hair was pulled up and dotted with wildflowers.

“I’m a fuckin’ mess.” she whined.

She had never looked more beautiful.

“Sweetheart no. You look incredible. What’s this all ‘bout?” he said honestly.

She sniffed and gave him a tiny smile “The church is gonna get struck by lightnin’ if I get married in it today.”

“Baby you ain’t gotta worry. I’m surprised it’s still standin’ havin’ me at the altar.” Rhett laughed lightly.

YFN laughed and said quietly “Maybe. But I’m the one ‘bout to say vows in front of god when I’m already pregnant.”

“Pregnant.” Rhett repeated his eyes wide as he stared at her shock.

YFN beamed at him and nodded “Yeah. You’re gonna be a daddy, Rhett.”

“A baby? Holy shit!” he called out in happiness, embracing YFN.

“Ah Fuck. No. Crap I shouldn’t be swearin’ in a church.” he stammered.

There was a bang on the door. “No you shouldn’t be. Now hurry up and get married before they kick us outta this church for all the sinnin’ this family does.” Cecelia called out.

YFN snorted and whispered sarcastically “Hardly the worst thing the Abbott’s have ever done.”

Rhett agreed with her, he was glad they were all able to move away from events in the past.

“We’re really havin’ a baby sweetheart?” he asked again, lovingly helping YFN to her feet.

“Yes, baby we are. Did a test this mornin’. I’m no good at keepin’ track of my period but maybe bout’ 10 or 12 weeks, since my last one, I think. Sorry I never put two and two together. We’re we so busy workin’ and havin’ sex all the time I didn’t notice. And I guess I didn’t really pay attention to how tired and sick I’ve been sorry.” she said shyly.

Rhett smiled widely. He knew women’s bodies pretty well but he was clueless about these things. He wasn’t at all upset with YFN for not realising sooner.

He placed his hand over her stomach and gasped “Ah… umm… are you already kind of showin’? How’d the fuck we miss this?”

YFN laughed and shook her head “I don’t know baby. I guess I never paid much attention until I put on my wedding dress. Cecelia said I probably shouldn’t be showin’ already but my granddaddy was a twin you know so I wouldn’t be surprised if…”

“Twins?!” Rhett cried out.

YFN laughed harder “Yep. You might’ve done your job a little too well! Thank god I managed to get an appointment next week. But now I gotta go out in front of all these people and everyone’s gonna know that I’m carryin’ your baby or babies.”

Fuck he was turned on.

He calmed himself down before he got rock hard in a church. Apparently, he not only had a thing for breeding but one for pregnancy too.

“Oh my god. Is it wrong that I want to fuck you so badly right now?” he mused and YFN snorted.

Cecelia banged on the door again “For the love of god Rhett!”

“Pretty sure it’s a sin to listen at the door!” he laughed as he called out.

“I don’t care if they know sweetheart. Nothin’ can ruin this day for us. I’m so happy and I love you, both of you or shit... maybe all three of you so much.” he choked out hand still on the small swell of YFN’s belly.

Rhett kissed her sweetly and chuckled, “Besides most of them will probably be relieved that I didn’t knock up one of their daughters.”

YFN giggled and rolled her eyes “Sorry I probably smell and taste like puke.”

Rhett smiled wryly and echoed the line they would say to each other sometimes “You’re fine. I could say let’s wait to get married until you don’t smell like shit…”

YFN laughed loudly and smacked him “You ass! We can’t really put it off now can we. I love you, now go on get back up to that altar and I’ll be right behind you. And if we get through this without the church burnin’ down, I promise we’ll do some extra sinnin’ tonight.”

“Yes ma’am.” he grinned at his cheeky girl, the one who was about to become his wife.

……..

Rhett being a quiet, shy man, stumbled his way through his vows and YFN vomited in an urn mid ceremony, confirming the whispered suspicions of some of the more conservative folks in town. Rhett didn’t give a damn, because he put a ring on the finger of the woman he loved and was officially YFN’s husband.

At the potluck back at the ranch, Rhett stayed to the sidelines for most of the evening, save a conversation and a dance here and there, content just to watch YFN as she mingled with his family and the well-wishers. She glowed and knowing she was now his wife and growing his baby or potentially babies, stirred something deep inside of him. He’d been giving her time to enjoy herself, but Rhett felt like he was going to combust if he didn’t get his hands on her soon.

YFN met his eyes, and she raised an eyebrow at him before turning up the corner of her mouth in a knowing smirk. She quickly made her excuses to some of the guests, and he watched her hug a surprised Royal who tentatively returned it. YFN then embraced Amy and Cecelia for a long time, no doubt thanking them for all that they’d done. She slowly walked towards him, and Cecelia watched and shook her head at them.

“Come on. You’ve been so patient baby.” YFN purred at him and led him to the loft in the barn.

Rhett was wound up so fucking tight and was desperate for a release, but thankfully there was one part of his brain that knew he had to take his time tonight. During sex, YFN and Rhett always had a lot of back and forth. They laughed, praised each other, talked dirty or whispered loving words to one another. He loved how carefree, flirty, fun, sexy or just plain filthy they could be, he’d never had that kind of intimacy with anyone before her.

They’d made love before sure, but tonight, it was different. No words were spoken. Everything they felt was expressed with looks, touches, and moans. Rhett didn’t know if it was the significance of the day or his tiny concern over hurting her knowing she was pregnant, but he wanted, no needed to go slow and worship this woman who had given him things he thought he’d never have.

Rhett undressed YFN and himself slowly and touched, kissed, licked, and nipped every part of her skin he could find. She came undone with his fingers circling her clit and again with his mouth on her sweet pussy. Rhett counted the freckles on her nose and cheeks and fixed his eyes on hers as he thrust deeply into her tight, wet heat again and again. And as he felt her walls tighten around him, he came hard with a whispered moan...

“I love you YFN Abbott.”

……..

As soon as the name change paperwork came through, Rhett did as he promised and changed the deed for the Abbott Ranch. The look on her face when he slipped the documents for her to sign was priceless. It now belonged to Rhett and YFN Abbott. She had already saved the ranch and the family who lived in it. YFN was the beating heart of the place, so it was only right that she owned it on paper.

It wasn’t always smooth sailing after the wedding. Bull riding, working the cattle, running the horse training program, getting the new house built and renovating the old one, and living with his family all while YFN was pregnant with twins was a huge challenge. And at seven and a half months, she was put on bed rest as the doctor was worried the babies were going to come too early.

The day YFN’s water broke, Rhett was scared absolutely shitless. Not wanting to freak YFN out, he looked for some guidance, but the commotion had Royal in one of his confused states and Cecelia was stressed out, running around like a clucking hen and it’s not like either of them would be the right people to turn to for advice anyway.

The inevitability of becoming a father was now here and Rhett was feeling restless. He’d ridden and been bucked from the nastiest bulls and drunkenly fought guys twice his size, but he was terrified of being a terrible father. Rhett tried to ignore the doubts in his head, instead focusing on anything YFN needed as they moved to get her to the hospital.

Amy came with them, YFN didn’t want her to think that they were moving on without her and she wanted her to be a part of the arrival of the babies. Amy sat between them in the middle seat of the truck, as Rhett drove as quickly but as carefully as he could. YFN was perfectly serene until they were about ten minutes from the hospital when her first contraction hit. She grabbed Amy’s hand and groaned, the sound of her in pain made Rhett’s chest ache.

“Almost there sweetheart, how are you doin’?” he said softly to YFN, trying to make sure she didn’t know how nervous he was.

“I’m alright baby.” she said calmly, smiling reassuringly at him once the pain had subsided.

Rhett saw Amy watch him curiously and he smiled at her quickly before looking back at the road, but she had always been very perceptive.

“Uncle Rhett, you know there’s an old cowboy saying ‘Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.’” Amy said quietly.

“It’s ok to be scared about the babies. I just know you’re gonna be a good daddy ‘cause you’ve always been the been the best uncle to me.”

Rhett felt himself relax. If Amy thought he was going be ok then maybe it was true?

“I love you kid. When did you get so smart?” he said with a small smile.

“I’ve always been this smart Uncle Rhett. And I know Aunty YFN uses sayings on you and that one sounded better than ‘No man is totally useless. He can always be used as an example of what not to be.’” she laughed.

YFN snorted “Where did you hear that one?” she asked.

Amy giggled “I heard one of the teachers at school talkin’ ‘bout her husband.”

“Honey, you got ears the size of an elephant, we’ll have to watch what we say arouuu…” YFN groaned as another contraction hit.

“You doin’ so good baby, breathe, we’re here.” Rhett said soothingly as he pulled into hospital.

YFN took deep breaths and grumbled “Ames, I’m sorry ‘bout your fingers. I promise not to break ‘em but I ain’t gonna say the same for Uncle Rhett’s.”

Rhett laughed but he knew she probably wasn’t kidding.

……..

Rhett used to think the moment YFN looked her most beautiful was when she was on the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet in her wedding dress. That now was a close second to the day she gave birth to the twins. YFN had been red in the face, with sweaty hair stuck to her forehead and screamed about murdering Rhett in his sleep. And true to her word, she’d nearly broke his fucking hand.

She was so strong and determined during the labour.

She had never looked so fucking beautiful.

And when the midwives finally placed their daughters in her arms, she smiled at him exhausted, “Girls, meet your daddy.” Rhett cried tears of joy.

YFN was the most amazing mamma and Rhett did his best to follow her lead and just focused on supporting her and making sure they all knew how much he loved them. He would gladly trade anything, even the best eight seconds on a bull, for a lifetime of love with his family.

Rhett rocked back and forth in the swing seat and tenderly watched at the tiny girls in his arms and smiled softly and he heard the screen door open.

“You know my mamma had an old cowboy saying, ‘Any fool can make a baby but I takes a special man to be a good daddy.’”

Rhett’s smile widened at YFN’s honey voice as she walked over and lightly kissed each of the girl’s soft hair, before sitting down beside him.

He chuckled and gave her his usual reply “You always listen to your mamma?”

“With this I do. I mean it Rhett, you’re amazin’. I love you. I couldn’t wish for a better husband or daddy for our babies.” YFN replied honestly.

He kissed her pretty lips sweetly “Thank you sweetheart. I love you.” he said softly.

Rhett looked lovingly at his sleeping daughters and whispered “I love you too sweet girls. Remember you gotta always listen to your mamma. I’ve tried to since the day we met and she ain’t never steered me wrong. She breathed life back into me and helped me see what I could be. She gave me a life I never thought I would have.”

He tore his eyes off his girls and gazed at his wife adoringly, “To love and to be loved by her is everythin’.”

YFN’s eyes were rimmed red and she had a dreamy smile on her face “Jesus Rhett. A man of few words my ass. A cowboy and a fuckin’ poet, that’s what you are.” and she rested her head on his shoulder as they watched the last of the sun disappear into the horizon.

This was fucking happiness.

#rhett abbott fic #rhett abbott x reader #rhett abbott #outer range #outer range fic #lewis pullman #rhett abbott imagine #rhett abbott x you

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writingquestionsanswered · 11 months

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Hi! So my question is if it would be unlikely that a series of novellas could sell well? I'm hoping to make money writing, and I think each mystery (the books are going to be mysteries set in a fantasy setting.) could be a lot more interesting if it were more focused, and I would get that wonderful feeling of finishing a story about 3 times as often. But also I wonder if novellas that are so unconventional to the genres they're in could sell well no matter the length... I'm probably over thinking this. I appreciate any help you could give me.

Viability of a Series of Fantasy Mystery Novellas

This is a tough question to answer because there are so many variables. I'll do my best to address them all, though. :)

The most important variable is the general viability of a fantasy-based mystery. Is that something that would sell? Yes. Fantasy mystery is a growing genre, though the "fantasy" part tends to be more urban fantasy, paranormal, and alternative history. Which isn't to say more traditional fantasy settings and mystery don't or wouldn't sell. There are readers for pretty much anything--if you can find them. Which brings me to the next variable...

If you pursue traditional publishing, you're likely looking at a small, independent publisher. Their reach won't be as wide as a traditional publisher, but if they already publish fantasy mysteries, they would have some built-in audience. For self-publishers, it can be very hard to find readers--particularly for hybrid genre books. So, the viability of your series will really depend on your ability to market well and find readers. Fortunately for you, mystery is one of the genres that does well in self-publishing. That's not a guarantee of viability, though. It just means the readers are definitely there if you can get their attention. Which brings me to the final variable...

Even if you find an audience, your ability to sell books is going to depend on the quality of your product. Readers gravitate toward covers, blurbs, and marketing that looks professional, and books that are well-edited and polished. If you don't put in the time, effort, and often money that is required to produce a quality product, your books aren't going to sell well. And, even with that quality, if you don't have a compelling enough plot to draw people in, all the effort in the world won't be enough to sell copies.

So, is there a market for fantasy mysteries? Yes.

Does this mean your novellas will definitely sell well? No.

Is it possible they'll sell well with the right investment of finding readers and producing a quality product? Yes.

Is finding readers and producing a quality product a guarantee the novellas will sell well? No.

The bottom line is no one can say... you just have to give it a try, do your best, and see how it goes. Get that first novella out there and see what the reception is like. Get a feel for how big an audience you can personally reach, how engaged they are, and how willing they are to read another book. If it all goes well, get that second one out there, and so on. That's how you get a series out. Book by book. :)

Finally, a word of caution: I shudder when I see people say they're hoping to make money with writing. Unless you can get a paid writing position (such as a journalist, technical writer, copywriter, speech writer, etc.), it's difficult to make money as a writer. And writing books isn't the cash cow a lot of people imagine it is. Very few authors (even traditionally published ones) make enough money to quit their day jobs. With self-publishing it's even harder to make money, because not only do you not get the cash advance you can with traditional publishers, it's actually very difficult to get your book into brick and mortar stores. And you absolutely can't do that unless you invest money in your book--professional cover, professional editor, ISBN number, etc. Even then... even when you have a really professional, well-written book that makes it into bookstores, you still really have to become a viral hit in order to sell enough copies to make back what you put into the book quickly and still have money in your pockets. For most self-published authors, making money is a long game, requiring years of putting in the time, effort, and money to create a backlog of quality books that are well-marketed. If you have a solid backlog, you'll probably make a little money. But you still probably won't be able to quit your day job. ♥

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blainesebastian · 2 years

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best friends

words: 5,502 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (request from @killerqueenfan ) Reader and Austin have been friends for years since they were teenagers. They are very close and the reader has been in love with Austin for years but keeps it a secret to not mess up the friendship. (read more about this prompt here) notes: masterlist on my sidebar! I so enjoyed writing this--I think this might be one of my favorite ones :) thanks for the request! warnings: none tag list: @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell

Here’s the thing about being in love with your best friend: it’s easy to ignore in a handful of ways. At some point you just begin to form a list that talks about all the points in which you remind yourself why it’s a bad idea to even cross that line. It outweighs the pros, by far, and after a while you stop second-guessing your decisions.

Right?

Maybe it’d be easier if it wasn’t Austin Butler, you think about that a lot.

When you were teenagers, it didn’t really matter, you were both nobodies who hid out in the tree house that your mom helped your dad build when you were seven and snuck just-baked cookies out of the kitchen to eat until you were sick. In high school, you’d hide out up there to smoke and drink and sleep, even though Austin’s long and gangly limbs were beginning to be too much for the small space.

1. He sees you as this dorky kid from middle school with braces.

You two have been there for one another through everything under the sun, good and bad on both sides. Losing family members and going to proms, that cross-country driving trip that seemed like such a good idea at the time until the car ran out of gas, first pets and first kisses, terrible boyfriends and stuck-up girlfriends, countless of auditions and callbacks for films and television shows that sometimes worked out and other times didn’t, interviews for your own work and the possibility of moving away and Austin promising the long distance could work if it needed to.

You never told him that there was no way you could leave him.

2. Telling him how you feel could ruin your friendship.

The Elvis process has been interesting to say the least, you always knew that Austin would do great things but you never knew it’d take so much of his time and effort. Two complete years, closed off from anyone he’s known and cared about, perfecting a craft to bring an incredible story to life. You can’t be prouder of him, but that time apart had been hard to live with, for both of you.

Seeing him afterwards and hugging him, his arms folding you into his chest, nothing has ever felt more like home.

And you think you fell in love with him a bit more each day you were apart. Absence makes the heart grow stronger.

Or forgetful.

There are moments where you convince yourself that Austin could be without you, that some people are only in your lives for seasons, that he’s been met with so many different and new experiences that he won’t need you anymore.

And yet he playfully calls you babe and kisses your forehead when he says goodbye, and says I love you and means it.

You’re just so sure it’s not the same way you say it back.

3. If you lose him, you don’t know what you’d do.

You’re incredibly close, that’s something that’s always been in place. And no matter what Austin goes through, personally or career wise, he makes sure to loop you in. He doesn’t forget about you, which you appreciate because you’re not always sure where you fit in when it comes to his life. You of course have a life of your own, but you’d be willing to carve out any shape necessary to fit him.

He's busier and busier lately and no one deserves it more than him, but finding time is continually a problem. He invites you to events, as his date, but the concept of so many eyes on you is overwhelming. Austin’s made your friendship with him pretty well known, but that doesn’t make the spotlight or the constant microscopic scrutiny any easier.

Sharing your best friend is just something you’re not used to and you don’t see that changing any time soon.

4. He’s got way more important things to worry about.

The list goes on and on.

It’s just…strange how things change, and how fast. One minute you’re convincing Austin to trick-o-treat with you when you’re nine and he’s twelve and you want to get the most candy absolutely possible and now you’re cradling your cellphone between your ear and shoulder as he tells you all about this red-carpet event he went to in Hollywood.

New York feels very far away at that point.

“I can’t believe you spoke to Brad Pitt, let alone were in a movie with him at one point.”

Austin laughs, the sound warm and affectionate against your eardrum and it makes your stomach clench a little. “Was I supposed to pass on the eighth grade love notes?” He teases, “I forgot.”

“Shut up,” But you’re smiling. “…still have those in a shoebox, by the way.”

“Did you update them this year?”

God, he’s the worst. “Maybe.” Humming under your breath, you can hear the soft trill of traffic patterns behind him and you wonder what he’s up to tonight, what sort of Hollywood parties he might be headed to. You take in a deep breath, the silence between you both not uncomfortable but practiced over the years.

If you close your eyes, you can almost picture him in your kitchen just hanging out drinking coffee or lying on the couch together putting on another episode of a cooking show where Gordon Ramsey yells too much. Almost.

You miss him something deep, where you can feel the ache crawling up your chest and threatening to swallow you whole.

“You doin’ anything tonight?”

You scoff out an amused noise, moving towards your freezer to pull out a pint of chocolate ice cream, “Oh yeah—headed out to a bar, might do some shots, table dancing,” You grab a spoon next, “You know, the usual.”

Austin is quick, “Pint of ice cream and your couch?”

Popping open the lid, you scrape a spoonful off the top. “Okay, no judgements from you—not all of us have a Hollywood party to attend to every other night.”

He laughs softly, “First of all—no Hollywood A-listers tonight, second, it wouldn’t hurt for you to go out every so often. Show your pretty face.”

You snort, spooning ice cream into your mouth. You wonder if you have chocolate syrup… “Who am I supposed to do these dingy bars with?” Raising your eyebrows, you wait a moment, “That’s best friend territory.”

“Alright—I can agree with that. So what’s stoppin’ you from goin’ tonight?” Sometimes it’s so wild to think about how much his voice has changed over time, not that you’re complaining. The deeper timbre really works for him.

You groan, tipping your head back, “Austin—” And there’s definitely a slight whine there.

“What?” He chuckles lightly, “Seriously—like right now.”

And before you can say anything there’s a knock on your door.

You blink, turning your head towards the front door a moment, mouth opening and closing because…no, it can’t be. He’s supposed to be in California for at least another week, just some…bad timing and wishful thinking. You clear your throat, moving towards the door.

“Think the Uber Eats guy is at the wrong apartment again. Maybe I’ll keep whatever it is because the last time it was French fries—”

Throwing open the door without checking the peep hole, Austin is there, in the hallway, slowly pulling his phone away from his face with a soft smile. “Not French fries.” He confirms and you just kinda stand there for a moment, staring, not quite believing what’s in front of you.

It doesn’t take long before you’re rushing out the door, two steps forward before throwing your arms around his neck. The force of your hug makes Austin have to take a step back a moment, a laugh leaving his chest as he wraps his arms around your back. He squeezes you as you bury your face in his neck and breathe him in, holding on like he might evaporate like vapor between your fingers.

Eventually you know you have to pull back, let him breathe, let him step inside your apartment—which you do but you can’t believe you’re sniffling like a sap, smile so wide on your face that your cheeks hurt.

“What are you doing here?” You choke, wiping your face with the sleeve of your sweater.

He laughs gently, moving inside the apartment with you, the door closing behind. He cups your cheek, removing tear tracks, “It’s your birthday in a few days.” He says it like it’s obvious but…you never actually expected him to fly back for that. In all honesty, you were ready to celebrate it with your parents, a few other friends, call it an early night. It’s barely been on your radar though and you never expected anything out of Austin with how busy he is.

“You didn’t have to—” And you’re suddenly so overwhelmed with emotion because you missed him, you love him, and he’s come back all this way just for your birthday.

“I wasn’t gonna miss it.” He says, holding your gaze. And God, not that this isn’t startling, but he looks so good. A pair of black jeans and those cowboy looking booties he loves to wear, a blue denim button down and a black jean jacket over top. Simple, clean lines but easily handsome.

You sigh, moving to hug him again around his waist, easily melting into his chest and resting directly under his chin as if you were always meant to be there. One of his hands tangle in your hair while the other strokes up and down your back and you breathe him in, that familiar scent of sandalwood and something distinctly Austin.

It’s quiet for a few moments, the pitter patter of his heartbeat along the shell of your ear.

“Of course, you know this means we’re goin’ out tonight, right?” He says

You groan a little, the sound muffled against his chest—but you can’t find it in you to really complain.

You have to admit, when you step out of your bathroom in a pair of black jeans mixed with an iridescent mesh shirt overtop of a bralette, you take a bit of pride in the way Austin looks at you. He’s become bolder over the years, that’s for sure, or perhaps more confident and comfortable in his own skin—either way, there’s a definite gaze that sweeps over your form and lingers where it matters most.

Smiling just a little, you curl your hair around your ear and try to ignore the heat splotching along the back of your neck at the attention. Eventually you leave your apartment for the subway, holding onto his arm as you ping-pong back and forth with questions and catching up, talking about Austin’s endless red-carpet affairs and your determination to find a job that you actually want to keep. You know you have to end up being realistic—it’s not always reality to completely fall in love with what you do and get paid really well. You’ve got bills and costs of living.

Austin already knows better than to attempt to offer you money. The sentiment is there, for sure, but that’s the last thing you want your close friendship to turn into.

Checking your reflection in one of the subway windows as it pauses to unload and reload customers, you smile a bit before nodding. Red lipstick was definitely the way to go, and you stick your hands in your back pockets as you both wait for the next train you need. At least it’s not stiflingly hot in the tunnels as it sometimes tends to be.

“So I believe you said there’d be shots tonight? Table dancing?”

You smirk a little, putting your hands into the back pockets of your jeans, “If you’re lucky, Butler.”

He smiles and shakes his head in light amusement, letting you enter the subway train first when it stops and then following in after you. The seats fill up fast and you let others grab them, not worried about snagging one. Just a few stops anyways. Austin hovers in front of you as you turn to hold onto the poles, spreading your stance just slightly so that you don’t fall when the subway jerks forward. You’ve definitely learned that the hard way.

“How bout the moves with the hips?” He teases before playfully letting his hand rest on one, squeezing, “Those sixth grade dance moves comin’ back with a vengeance.”

“Stop,” You laugh, pushing on his chest. Austin doesn’t move very far but he’s grinning, reaching out for your hand and holding on for a few moments. The train sways both of you back and forth, a pattern of soft movement.

You take a second to look towards the stops illuminated on one of the sidebars, chewing on your lower lip—about five stops. Curling your hair around your ear, you hum, about to remind him about their seventh grade talent show competition where he definitely had some interesting dance moves himself, when a guy begins talking in your direction.

“Hey sweet thing—how bout a smile, huh?”

You ignore it for the most part but instinctively take a step closer to Austin, playing with the buttons on his shirt. Unfortunately, this is a regular occurrence when taking the subway sometimes, especially if it’s in the later hours. When there’s another stop and the doors open, people come and go, and Austin motions that some seats open up. Sitting down next to one another, you offer your best friend a soft smile before that guy across the way opens his mouth again.

“You can do better,” The subway guy says, “C’mon, a real smile.”

Austin shifts in the seat, moving to drape an arm over your shoulder. He must be able to tell you’re uncomfortable because he squeezes you gently, encouraging you to lean against his side as the train begins to move again. And you do, which seems to convince the guy across from you for the most part to mind his own business. He rolls his eyes and dejectedly mutters something crass under his breath before finding someone else to turn his attention towards.

You let out a short breath of relief and Austin runs his hand along your arm, a soft smile tugging the corners of his mouth. “You alright?”

Humming, you nod, the tenseness in your shoulders beginning to wash away, “Yeah, thanks.”

“Not the first time I’ve played the fake boyfriend card.” It’s interesting he brings that up because…while that’s true, you don’t consider this as something out of the ordinary for how you two act around another. Both of you have always been rather touchy, a very distinct love language.

So this? Feels rather natural.

You remember the time he’s referring too though, in college, when you were at this party and this guy just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Austin was there, swooped right in with an arm around your waist and a few stern comments about fucking off and leaving you alone. He’s just…always been there. Even when this whole Elvis thing hit the fan and he was away filming, doing interviews, settling into celebrity life, he came back to be there with you when he heard your grandmother died.

Maybe at this point it’s something it shouldn’t be surprising, and yet he manages to do that all the time.

You stand from the seat once the subway pulls into the stop you need, waiting for Austin to do the same before you both exit the train. His hand naturally finds yours in the crowd, squeezing gently, alternating to having you walk in front of him, fingers grazing your lower back. And it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before but for some reason you can’t stop fixating on it. The only thing that pulls you out of your thoughts is that…he’s an actor, a good one.

Of course he’s great at slipping into roles like this—the fake boyfriend, the best friend—you just wish you could trust your own feelings for once.

The bar is jam packed for tonight but this is unsurprising—though this is exactly why you had zero plans to go out. Even for your birthday, you’re not the kind of girl who enjoys shoving themselves into elbow-to-elbow bars and fighting for attention with the bartender all night. No matter how great the music is or the drink specials…it’s just not your scene. Sometimes though, your careless fun side needs to be teased out—and Austin has always been a professional at doing that. He knows exactly what buttons to press so that you don’t take yourself and everything you do so seriously.

You love that about him, even if it takes a little bit for you to feel comfortable.

A dramatic sigh leaves your lips as you wade through the crowd, Austin leading, his hand on your wrist so he doesn’t lose you in the group of people. He tugs you in front of him, using his body like a shield so that no one can bump into you from behind while you wait at the bar. You think this would be something you’d be used to by now, how it feels when Austin touches you, and yet—

There are these butterflies that flutter up from your stomach and sit on the bones of your ribcage, constantly moving their wings in your chest so that the sensation never disappears. You can feel the lingering sensation of his fingers, hands, long after they’re gone, and the cologne he wears is admittedly comforting. Something you wouldn’t mind burying your face into and closing your eyes.

You let out a breath—it’s going to be a long night.

Once you both have drinks in your hands and even a few bar stools that have opened up, you angle your body towards Austin and sip on your mojito, the mint strong tonight but not in a bad way. Your eyes drag along his form, taking him in, still a little in disbelief that he’s here with you when you didn’t expect to see him until at least Christmas or some other distant holiday.

“So how long are you in New York for?” You ask over the music, watching him pick up his beer to take a sip. You know that eventually he’ll be heading back to L.A., his home base, even though it’s a hard pill to swallow.

“I’m stayin’ through next week,” He replies, “Not leavin’ before your birthday.”

Your cheeks warm and you know he’s already said as much but…for some reason it touches you every time he confirms it. It can’t be easy with how much he’s got going on, and yet he’s making it clear that it’s a priority for him to be here.

You reach over to squeeze his forearm, running your thumb along the exposed skin because his denim button down is rolled up just below his elbows. “Definitely a nice surprise.” You smile a little, wanting to make sure he understands that you are happy he’s here, you just didn’t expect it.

“Well I missed you,” He says, turning his head towards you. Austin catches your gaze, holding it with his for a few long moments as he swallows, “I uh—I miss you when I’m away.”

That’s…well, that makes sense, right? You miss him too. But there’s something slightly different to his tone, something deeper to his voice that sits in your bones, you think you can see it the longer you look into his blue eyes.

“I’m sure that kinda gets lost in the sauce when you’re going to all those famous award parties, right?” You tease lightly, attempting to break the tension wide open, a soft smile on your lips.

While Austin smiles back, he shakes his head, “Not as simple as you’d think.”

For a moment you’re watching him and it’s like the whole bar begins to dim around you in sound, your sole focus on the man in front of you. He has to know, right? It’s obvious at this point—who you are with one another. You’ve never been afraid to be yourself with him, whether that meant being silly, eating as much food as you could fit, not bottling in tears or dancing ridiculously bad; he’s always known you.

And you’re so sure it’s obvious—

“Austin Butler?”

You blink, turning your head towards the sound at the same time Austin does too. The girl squeals which is still pretty sharp against the loud music, leaning your body back a little as she shoves her way in-between your stools at the bar. She drags a few friends forward into the space, laughing because,

“Oh my god, I thought it was you! I feel like I’d recognize you a mile away—I saw Elvis at least five times in theaters.”

Austin raises his eyebrows, looking between the three girls before a soft laugh leaves his lips, “That’s a dedicated number.”

“I saw it seven.” The other girl chimes in and you resist an eyeroll, looking down at your drink instead.

While Austin seems to always handle interactions like this with grace—kind, genuine, humble, it’s something that is difficult for you to get used to. Austin is just…Austin to you. It’s still so bizarre when strangers come up to him out of the blue when you’re hanging out, you forget that you kinda have to share him with the world. Not that you can’t understand how easy it is to fall in love with him, you’re not blaming these girls one bit.

But it doesn’t make it any easier.

Five minutes turn into ten and while Austin keeps dropping subtle hints that this conversation is coming to a close, they’re not taking the clues. They ask for just one more photo, one more selfie, one more autograph, trying to ask him questions like it’s an interview, soaking up any moment they can linger in his presence.

You need some fresh air, standing from the stool. Austin locks eyes with you instantly, “Y/N,” His tone is apologetic.

“It’s okay,” You smile a little, “Just need to step outside for a few minutes. I’ll be back.”

Before he can say anything else, you turn and weave your way through the crowd of people, heading out the door that empties out onto a semi-busy New York street. Taking a deep breath into your lungs, you center yourself as you walk a bit away from the door so others can come and go. You know you’re being utterly ridiculous—this is who Austin is now, a guy who’s easily recognizable, a guy where fans will come up to him and ask for photos and autographs and really, that’s not as bothersome to you as the emotions building up in your chest that you can’t find the damn words for.

It's just stupid, all of this is stupid—telling Austin how you feel won’t change anything. There are too many cons outweighing the pros, it’s not worth it. Tipping your head back, you close your eyes for a moment—you just need to get yourself together, go back inside and have a good time tonight.

And yet your heart is pounding in your ears and you’re slightly sick to your stomach over the prospect of going back in and watching those girls flirt with Austin until they eventually catch the point that he’s got other things going on tonight other than to just take selfies with them.

You’re not sure whether that itself is more annoying or whether you’re just aggravated with yourself that you feel like this.

“Y/N.”

Turning at the sound of your name, you blink as Austin comes out of the bar. You were gonna re-join him in a few moments (promise), he didn’t need to follow you out here. Your cheeks splotch in soft embarrassment as he walks over to you, not quite meeting his eyes for a few moments,

“Not runnin’ away, are you?”

Your frown, soft confusion pulling at the corners of your mouth. “No—just,” You clear your throat, “You make it sound like I do that a lot.”

There’s this look that passes over Austin’s face, almost gone as soon as it appears. It’s like there’s the tiniest bit of regret that he’s brought this up but it’s too late, out in the open, so mise well talk about it. He glances away, running a hand through his hair in almost a frustrated manner.

“You do,” Austin shakes his head, “Ever since we were kids.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “Okay, what the fuck—” Because this feels unfair. This night was supposed to be fun, spending time together, building up to your birthday, savoring the time he’s here before he has to go back to California. And now he’s…what, jumping down your throat? “How is this… how is me getting some fresh air my fault?” You ask, “I’m not the one who spent the last ten minutes taking selfies.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” He sighs, his head tipping back just a little, “I’m still gettin’ used to all this, okay? That does not mean you gotta exit stage left.”

You breathe in slowly—you’re not sure how to explain this to him (even though there’s nothing to explain, he’s right, you were running away). If he’d stayed in the bar five minutes longer, you would have texted him that you were going home, just to bypass feelings you don’t have names for.

There’s no room for me, you want to say, or, I don’t know where I fit.

Or even better, I don’t want to lose you, but all of it dies on your tongue.

“I wasn’t running away.” You insist but Austin can see right through you like he always has been able to.

“Y/N, you’ve constantly had one foot out the door. When things got too real with your parent’s divorce, you slept over my house on the living room floor.” He starts, “When that guy who liked you junior year tried to ask you to prom, you lied and said you were already goin’ with me.”

You swallow, staring at him, trying to ignore the way your eyes are stinging and there’s a lump forming in your throat,

“That guy you were seein’ a month ago? Paul? You told me he wanted to take the next step with you, start lookin’ for apartments and then all of a sudden you’re not with him anymore. Any time somethin’ gets too close, you bolt in the other direction.”

You were too ashamed and afraid to tell Austin the real reason it never worked out, despite Paul being a great guy.

Bristling, you wrap your arms around your chest, as if you need to protect yourself from his words. It’s completely unfair how well he knows you, how despite not talking about your reasoning behind things, you’re an open book.

He’s pressed against an open wound, a bundle of nerves, “Oh right, I’m sorry—I forgot you approach everything perfectly, right?”

“No, of course not—” Austin scoffs out a frustrated sound, “But maybe instead of runnin’ away from something, try runnin’ towards somethin’ instead. What are you so afraid of?”

A noise strangles in your throat because he’s making this sound so simple when it’s not, and all those feelings you’ve pushed down inside you suddenly come bubbling to the surface. How does he know you so well, possibly better than anyone you’ve ever met, and yet know nothing at all? Your run a hand through your hair, yanking at the strands just lightly when the words burst forth—

“What am I so afraid of? Jesus, Austin—I’m in love with you. And the last thing I want is to lose you, because I can’t handle that, okay? How am I supposed to ‘run towards that’?” You throw the words out into the universe and they sit there in the air, right on the oxygen molecules, poised.

Austin stares at you for a long moment, straightening his shoulders as his blue eyes soften with understanding. God, you do not want him to look at you like that, you do not want his pity or for him to tell you that you’re his best friend. You just don’t. This is another reason why you’d kept everything so locked up tight—the rejection is terribly painful.

“Just don’t,” You tell him, waving him off lightly even when he steps forward to grasp at your wrist, preventing you from going anywhere.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say somethin’.”

You blink up at him, fingers curling into the palm of your hands and you’ve never wanted to smack him before as much as you do now. “What is that supposed to mean? Why do I have to be the one to say it?”

And then you realize what’s actually come out of his mouth, because of the way Austin is looking down at you…it’s not pity, and it’s not regret, it’s something else. A look he’s given you before but with a brand-new context.

He feels the same way.

“You…”

Austin moves to gently swipe his thumb over the inside of your wrist, shaking his head as he stands there in silence for a few moments. “You’re right, I should have said somethin’,” He lets out a soft laugh, though it sounds a little pained, “Guess I didn’t realize I was runnin’ away too.”

You swallow thickly, worrying that this is somehow…a big misunderstanding that’ll be swept away tomorrow morning or when he leaves for California. So many words get caught in your throat and even though you don’t want to believe what he’s said about you, about running away from your problems, you know he’s right.

And you don’t want to do that anymore.

“I need to hear you say it.”

Austin nods, moving to curl some of your hair behind your ear, fingers lingering along your jawline, “I love you too,” There’s a weight of a change there, he’s said those words to you a hundred different times, but not like this, “I should have told you sooner.”

And this is what’s so ironic—you both talk to the other about absolutely everything and yet you never thought to communicate about this, that you both shared the same fears of losing the other. There’s no guarantee that that still couldn’t happen…but it has to be worth a shot to take, right?

A light laugh leaves your lips, using both hands to wipe at your cheeks even though no tears have fallen. “What, you mean before you left to film Elvis?”

He shakes his head carefully, “In your parent’s tree house.”

Your heart ricochets right into your throat at that admission and you can’t stop from pressing yourself up on your toes and kissing him. You slowly wind your arms around his neck, keeping him close, feeling the line of his shoulder bending towards you as his arms end up around your waist. That’s all the confirmation you need to kiss deeper, tilting your head into it, one of his hands moving to tangle itself in your hair.

Eventually when you pull back to breathe, Austin runs his thumb along your cheekbone, nipping at your lower lip, “Wanna go back inside or go home?”

“Home.” You say easily before lacing your fingers together and tugging him back towards the subway.

“Can I look now?” You ask, still with your hands over your eyes at the kitchen counter.

“No, not yet,” Austin laughs a little, rummaging around. You can hear drawers open and close, a lighter click, plates clattering. Your crinkle your nose, “Almost.”

“You better not be eatin’ all the icing.”

“I would never do such a thing.” He says, tone mock-offended. “Alright, open.”

When you look down, there’s a small cake that Austin’s put together in front of you. It’s a little messy, he clearly didn’t wait for the cake to completely cool before he piled icing on there. So all the letters he attempted to make are warped. You cover your mouth as a soft laugh escapes—definitely the thought that counts.

“If you’re gonna laugh at it, I’ll eat it.” Austin begins to take the cake away but barely gets his hand underneath the plate.

“Hey!” You laugh, “No, no—I won’t.” You playfully zip your lips closed. “Promise.”

He narrows his eyes at you but smiles, “Happy birthday, Y/N.”

Grinning, you turn to blow the candles out in one big breath, “Thank you.” Swiping some icing off the side, you pop it into your mouth and you barely have time to reach for a knife to slice the cake when Austin leans down and kisses you.

You hum, smiling against his lips—he tastes as sweet as sugar.

It’s nice to know that despite things changing, you two are exactly the same with one another.

Thank you for reading! :) gonna be posting a few more requests and then I’ll be opening up my inbox again if anyone is interested.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler drabble #austin butler fic #elvis 2022 #mccall writes things

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