#and she only asks about food in the context of 'are you having any digestive issues' and monitoring of things like iron and B vitamins | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nataliedanovelist · 4 years

Text

GF - Amalia

For @artsymeeshee. Thank you for everything you do for us, for providing plenty of fluff, over-protective Ford content, and angst with a happy fluffy ending. Love you!

~~~~~~~~~~

The snow reflected the tiny amount of sunlight the capital of Iceland received. Spring was coming, though still a ways off, but the large island still welcomed the sun that was starting to rise earlier every day and stay longer as February was coming to a close.

She opened her eyes as the sunlight reflected on the Sea and sparkled like magical dust. She stood proudly on her beam, her favorite Nest, and stretched her back and paws, letting her claws escape her tiny little beans, and then hide again, a secret weapon for any enemies, though she had few. Really, apart from some rude Cubs shooting tiny metal balls at her, the world was fairly kind to her. Big Animals in thick coats gave her Pets and occasionally Food, coming in big Machines and soon left. Some of the Machines made dark clouds, some looked like they were controlled by fluffy white clouds. She liked them all, and was Happy to make sure no Bad Machines or Bad Animals in thick coats came on her Land.

Sometimes, when things were quiet by the sea, she would go Exploring. Cubs would play with her, maybe a Bad Animal or two would try to hit her with a collection of straw at the end of a stick, but she was fast and agile and was never hurt too much. Nothing she couldn’t handle. Today she thought she might go Explore her Land, but something caught her attention. An Animal was standing on a Machine.

The fur on the top of it’s head was fluffy. She wanted to play with it. It had glass in front of it’s eyes, for whatever reason, and had a coat like her’s: thick and blue, but a darker shade, not light like snow, like her’s. She blinked at the Animal and watched it. It took in a deep breath, smiling, and a Hole opened on the side of the Machine and a Path appeared, sliding down onto her Land. “Come on, Stanley, we have a lot to do today!”

“What’s your rush, Sixer?” Another voice could be heard as the Animal left it’s Machine and a second Animal appeared. This one had something red on it’s head, though it didn’t appear injured, and it also had glass in front of it��s eyes. She didn’t want to be seen right now, so she hopped down from her favorite sleeping spot and hid behind some boxes. “We’ve got all day, and if you really wanna sight-see we can stay here tomorrow, too.”

“Yes, I suppose so, but then we’ll have to wait another day for Mabel’s package for us in Ullapool, Scotland.”

“Good point. But we can always visit this place again on our way back to Oregon.”

“Fair enough. Well, how about a quick walk and then we’ll restock on supplies.”

“S’long as we can stop at that bar tonight.”

“Deal.”

The two Animals smelled similar, but not identical. They were a Pack. A Herd. A Family. She watched them venture further into her Land, but she let them. They were Good. She could tell. She emerged from her hiding spot a little after they passed her and watched them go. She wanted to go with them, but she didn’t want to be caught. She would have to be sneaky.

She carefully walked behind the Animals with glass in front of their eyes and watched them. The Animals were a wonderful Pack. They talked and laughed and played, pushing every so often, playing like she used to with her brothers and sisters, and she smiled at knowing they were having fun and learning how to be good fighters. When the Animals were joining other Animals on busy parts of her Land, she climbed up the stone Dens and walked on the tall place to watch them and be close to them. She was good at being sneaky; they did not know she was there.

Sometimes the Animals would go inside the Dens. When this happened she would sit and wait for them to come out. Sometimes they came out with nothing new, other times they would come out with Gain in their holds. When they walked, she walked with them, either behind them or above them. Too soon the Sun was setting again, and she found the Animals going back to their Machine. She was Sad, but walked behind them at a safe distance and watched them enter their Machine.

Behind the boxes, she laid on her belly, resting her face in her paws, Sad that the Animals were going away. She liked them. But then she heard something that made her lift her head and her ears stop being droopy. She looked up at the Machine and found the Animals coming back! They had no Gains with them; they must have left them in their Machine, and decided to go out Exploring again! She watched from behind the boxes as the Animals walked into a Den not too far from the Sea, and she made a Plan.

She had been Sad when she thought the Animals were going away forever, like all the other Animals did. Very Sad. She never wanted to be that Sad again. She carefully sniffed the Path and decided that it was Safe, so she trotted on it, through the Hole, and was on a Machine.

She was a little bit Scared. She had never been on a Machine before, but she could smell her favorite Animals everywhere and could feel the Sea beneath her. She loved the Animals and the Sea, and she knew she was Safe. She decided it was time to go Exploring! This Land was big, but not too big, so it wasn’t Scary. She walked around and could smell more of her favorite Animals’ scent from inside the Machine, inside the Den. There was a Hole with a small opening, leaking out the smell and light, so she pushed the Hole open a little more and entered the Den.

The den was Warm and Safe and smelled of her favorite Animals whom she loved. There were tiny Suns here and there inside the Den. There was something big and Cozy in the Den, away from the Hole. She hopped onto it and pawed at it and rolled around it. It smelled like the Animals the most and she almost fell asleep, but she wanted to Explore some more. And she was hungry. Maybe the animals had Food in this Den.

She stood and sniffed. Something smelled Good. Smelled of Food. She followed the smell to something tall that held weird rectangles with black scribbles on them. There was a small container Animals used to hold Food. This was wet and black, but she lapped at it anyhow, but it was not Good. Not Bad, but not Good. Oh, well. She would find Food later. She wanted to Explore some more.

She hopped down from the tall place and smelled as she Explored. The Land went down at the farthest part from the Hole. It looked a little Scary, but she could still smell her favorite Animals, so she hopped, hopped, hopped down carefully. She was surprised to find two fluffy Nests inside this deep part of the Den. This must be where the Animals slept. She could tell; it smelled the most like them. She smiled and hopped up onto one and rolled around and played with the fluffy stuff. It was Fun and Cozy and Warm and Safe and Good.

She stopped to stretch and yawn. She was Tired. She decided to sleep here, but where? She needed her own Nest. At the end of one Nest, there was a box. She loved boxes, and this one had a tee tiny Hole that could be made into a bigger Hole. She hopped down and stretched her front paws and head into the Hole, pushing through it. The whole box was filled with Warm fluff that smelled of her favorite Animals. She was excited. Her own Nest was Warm and smelled like her favorite Animals! She slipped in, circled, and tucked herself in to go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

After some tasty food and warm beer, the brothers returned to their home on the water, tired and ready for bed. It was very cold and bitter out in the night hair, but that only made the warm boat more welcoming and more appreciated. However, Ford was a little annoyed at finding the door cracked open, letting in cold air. “Stanley, I thought I told you to close the door all the way.”

“Sorry, Ma, I was hungry.” Stan said sarcastically and shrugged as they went inside.

Ford sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed and locked the door tightly. “Good thing I’ve almost perfected our security system so we won’t have to worry about being robbed.”

Stan rolled his eyes and yawned into his hand. “Welp, I’m beat. You coming to bed or do I gotta drag you there myself?” He asked, shrugging his trenchcoat off and throwing it on the couch on his way to the stairs downward for the bedroom.

“No, no, I’m coming.” Ford said tiredly and followed his brother down into their bedroom. “I’ll be taking a shower so if you want one you’ll have to wait.”

“Nah, I’ll take one in the morning.” Stan answered, peeling off his beanie and yawing again, ready to collapse into his warm bed and not move again until sunrise.

Ford moved to the far end of the bedroom, where the bathroom was located, and turned on the shower so the water could warm up. Meanwhile Stan groaned, seeing how Ford had done laundry that morning and now his twin had to pull the warm extra blankets and quilts out from the chest at the foot of his bed.

Stan opened it groggily, not expecting to stare down at the context for a full minute until he was capable of speech, but here he was.

“Uh… Sixer?”

“Yes, Stanley.”

“We have an expected guest on board.”

Ford stopped unzipping his blue hoodie and joined his brother at the chest, who’s eyebrow was raised in unapproval. The aged scientist, however, was stuck with a blank facial expression while he tried to digest the fact that there was an animal curled up on top of the stack of blankets and quilts.

It looked like a cat, though it was unfair to call her a cat. Passersby may assume so without a second glance, but this creature appeared too abnormal to be a kitten. She had pointy ears coated in thick fur to keep out cold hair, light-blue fur that could blend into snow, a tiny button black nose between huge, round, baby-blue eyes, a small floof of fur on the top of her head, and a skinny tail with fluff for fur at the end. It appeared so small and helpless in the mess of blankets, looking up at the brothers with shiny eyes filled with wonder. After a moment of silence, Ford grinned and placed his hands on his knees to be closer to the anomaly without frightening it, and he spoke to her with a voice as quiet as a mouse and soft as silk.

“Hello. Where did you come from, my dear?”

“Dunno, don’t care.” Stan moved towards her and said, “I’ll put her back outside.”

Ford’s senses heightened and he gently grabbed his brother’s wrist to stop him. “Hold it, Stanley, there’s no reason to kick her out so quickly. She’s not doing any harm.” Ford returned his smile to the anomaly and cooed softly as he reached for her and let her sniff his six-fingered hand. “Come here, little one, it’s alright.”

The anomaly happily sniffed Ford’s hand and rubbed the side of her head onto his palm, begging for pets, which he happily gave. The eldest twin carefully scooped her up into his harms and scratched her, finding her favorite spot, until she was practically putty in his hold as he scratched her under her chin.

Stan stared in disbelief and snorted. “Are you kidding me? You spent most of your life around dangerous monsters and you’re gonna let one on our boat?”

“She’s not a monster.” He scolded lightly and smiled again as she purred against his chest. He held her out to him to see better and added cheerfully, “Look how cute she is, Stan!”

“Yeah, until it decides to eat our face!” Stan argued, a hand up in defense.

“She won’t hurt us.” Ford said firmly and held her close to his chest again, letting her lay on her back so her four little limbs were up and trying to catch his wiggling fingers. “I bet she was cold and hungry and was trying to find shelter. Isn’t that wight, wittle one?” He cooed in a low voice. “Who’s a hun-gy wittle anomaly? Are you, are you?”

“Don’t feed it!” Stan yelled after his brother as he went upstairs. “Then it’ll want to stay!”

“Great idea, we’ll feed her so she’ll want to stay!”

“That is NOT what I said!”

Ford rolled his eyes and laughed down at the anomaly when she caught his fingers and licked him with a rough tongue. She wasn’t even trying to hurt him. She was playing and happy to give his hand a little bath. “Don’t worry, my dear. Stanley is right about one thing: I’ve met many aliens and monsters and anomalies in my day, but I can tell when one has nefarious purposes and when one does not, and you don’t. You’re a good little girl; I can tell.”

One handed so he could still cradle her, Ford opened the freshly filled cabinets to hunt for something the strange animal would eat. “Hm, let’s take a look at your teeth.” He gently pulled down her mouth and as surprised how little she fidgeted and fought him. “Interesting. Only half of your teeth are carnivorous. You must be able to adapt to plants or berries if needed. Very well, let’s see… oh, here. You’re lucky Stan talked me into picking up tuna.”

At the time it seemed ridiculous to buy canned tuna when they could fish for dinner whenever they wanted, but Stan said they should still get it because canned goods never expired and fishing wasn’t always successful, so Ford opened the can and placed it on the table and sat the anomaly down while he tidied up a bit, stacking his notes and books and putting his cold coffee in the sink. From the sounds of it, Stan had hopped in the shower since Ford was apparently too busy playing host to bathe, which was fine by him. He sat in a chair, watching how the anomaly ate.

She was definitely not skin-and-bones, but she ate quickly, plunging her face into the can and eating happily. Ford chuckled and pet down her back. She was fairly clean, if not a little weather-beaten. Clearly she could take care of herself, but why should she when he could? Okay, sure, Stanley was a little apprehensive about taking in a strange anomaly as a pet, and perhaps Ford shouldn’t be so quick to take her in as a pet. She might not be happy cooped up in a boat with two old men. In fact, if she lived on this dock, she might do this often, visiting sailors for food and shelter and then leaving in the morning.

“Well, if you want to leave, I won’t stop you,” Ford said to her as he watched her eat. “But if you want to stay, you’re more than welcome to.”

The fluffy anomaly sat up and looked at him with kind eyes. Ford smiled at her, and could have sworn she returned with a tiny smile. He slowly reached for his journal, a green book with a golden six-fingered hand and a crescent on the cover, and opened it carefully so as to not scare her. The anomaly sat perfectly still, watching him, as he turned to a clean page and pulled out a pen to begin sketching her. He titled his head to the side to get a better angle of her, and he stared to find her doing the same, mirroring him.

Ford smiled and titled his head the other way, and sure enough the little one followed his lead. Chuckling, he decided to push his luck and he straightened his head and stuck his tongue out at her just a little bit. The anomaly stared at him, and sure enough, a tiny pink tongue poked out at him. Ford snorted, bit his lip, and continued sketching. He noticed her tail was wagging, like a dog’s might when happy, and he added that to his notes. He had no idea what to call this species, so he left the title blank for now, deciding he would come up with a species title once he had more information.

They must have been at that table for an hour or so, because soon Stan’s rough voice called from the bedroom sharply, “Sixer, if you’re not down here in two minutes…”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Ford called back and grinned as the little anomaly yawned, making the tiny tongue stretch out and curl inwards slightly. The old man carefully pick her up and carried her with him into his shared bedroom. Stan was in his undershirt and boxers, shaking his hair dry with a towel as he sat on his bed, and he growled when he saw the animal still in his twin’s arms.

“Please tell me you’re not taking it to bed.” He snarled.

“No, of course not.”

“Good.”

“She deserved her own space.” Ford said as he pulled a pink blanket out from the chest and placed it neatly, still folded, on the floor between the beds. “She can have her own bed.”

“What!?” Stan yelled as Ford got on his knees and let the anomaly climb down onto the blanket to give it a try. “I’m not letting that thing sleep in here! What if it turns into some blood-sucking monster in it’s sleep and kills us both?!”

“That won’t happen, don’t be so paranoid.”

“Oh ho! That’s a new one!” Stan laughed harshly, but quickly turned sour again. “Can’t believe you're not a bit more guarded with that thing? What makes you think you can trust it?!”

Ford shrugged. “A lot of people lately have proven to me that I can trust others. Besides, there’s good in her. I can tell.”

Stan blinked at his brother. It was like this was a completely different man than who had come out of the portal. Well, okay, Ford knew that before they had even started sailing that Ford wasn’t the same person he was when he punched Stan in the face, but still. Stanford Pines really had changed a lot.

“It’s just for one night, Stanley.” Ford eased as he took off his hoodie and slipped off his boots, preparing for bed. “She’ll leave in the morning and find some new friends to provide food and shelter from the next cold night, I’m sure of it.”

Stan rolled his eyes and laid down with his back to the fluffy pair. “Fine, whatever.”

Ford had to admit that he was a little chest-fallen that his brother was a little cold towards their temporary house-guest, but he can recall their niece telling Ford that Stanley appeared to have a burning hatred for a certain pig, but everyone knew he loved Waddles very much. Perhaps he was trying to prove he was still a tough guy, or perhaps Stanley didn’t want to get attached to the anomaly so he wouldn’t be disheartened when she was gone. Ford knew he could handle her leaving tomorrow if she wanted to, he would be happy to have met her and that she was happy, so with one final scratch between her ears, ruffling her little floof, Ford took off his glasses and turned off the lantern, letting darkness overtake the bedroom.

“Goodnight, Stanley.”

“G’night, Sixer.” The younger twin managed to grunt.

Ford smiled, relieved that at least his brother wasn’t angry at him, and he slept soundly as the warm boat kept the cold late-winter air away.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ford was the first one to wake up. Or at least the first one to rise out of their bed. He slipped on his glasses and was happy to find the little anomaly where he had left her last night: curled up like a kitten on her folded blanket. He took the time to scratch her behind her ears before heading towards the shower.

The aged explorer could understand why Mabel was so attached to her pet pig, Waddles. There was immense satisfaction in caring for something or someone and having them care for you in return. While that is the fundamental basics of human relationships, homo sapiens tend to over complicate such relationships with intense emotions and lack of logic. Other species, like most animals on Earth, allowed this principle to be basic and easy, simple. Give love, get love.

Throughout the years, Ford had indeed come across hundreds of thousands of different creatures. True, a vast majority wanted to eat his face, but to be fair he had been in their climate and they were hungry. That was the beautiful circle of life. Some creatures were perfectly friendly and could even offer some companionship, but none of the creatures Ford had met would stay for long and he knew better than to get too attached; he was too busy trying to take care of himself to add a pet to his list of responsibilities. However, if an animal who enjoyed his company wanted to walk with him in the forest or up a mountain, he wouldn’t stop it or go out of his way to scare it off, knowing full well something else would capture it’s attention or Ford would have to hop through a hole in space-time and the animal would run off, less inclined to follow the kind stranger to an alien world.

Still, a small part of Ford had missed the idea of having a pet. He can remember enjoying Shanklin’s company as a child and being very sad when he had died, though not nearly as heartbroken as Stanley had been. When he had discovered the Shapeshifter as a hatchling, there was a reason he had quickly associated it as a pet, despite Fiddleford’s arguments against it. Perhaps if the encounter hadn’t ended so ugly or if he hadn't been so distracted with Bill and the portal, Ford might have taken in a pet to give him company when it was time for Fiddleford to return home. Maybe a low-maintenance cat or something unique and different. Maybe he would take in a plaidypus. He had enjoyed that anomaly’s company.

As the warm water made it easy for the old sailor to think, he seriously considered adopting the new anomaly as his pet. He knew that Stanley would warm up to her eventually, he just needed time to trust that she wouldn’t go savage on them. Really, there was no real issue or obstacle in his way. They were financially stable, so they could afford to take care of her, there were no other pets that might get jealous of her, they would always be around her so she would never be neglected or abandoned on the boat. Really, the only obstacle Ford could see was that the anomaly might not want to stay.

If Ford had learned anything about wildlife is that animals pick the humans just as much as humans pick the animals. There must be a mutual agreement to love and care for each other in their own unique way, but if one if not willing or incapable of returning the affection, then the arrangement wouldn’t work. There was a large possibility that the anomaly was perfectly happy being a peaceful stray and didn’t want to be tied down to one boat and one pair of sailors, which was perfectly fine. Like Ford had said last night, if she wanted to leave, that was okay. But if she wanted to stay Ford would be nothing short of delighted.

As Ford emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a towel in his hand, shaking his fluffy charcoal gray hair dry, he found the sweet anomaly on his bed, playing with his blankets, rolling around and pawing at the soft fabric. He smiled and hung up the towel in his hand as he approached the anomaly, who stopped playing to receive pets and lick his six fingers.

“Good morning, my dear. Sleep well?” He whispered, knowing full well she couldn’t respond, but she looked so happy and well rested, even her fur appeared to host some bed-head. Ford glanced over at his twin, who was still fast asleep, limbs sprawled everywhere and snoring peacefully with his mouth wide open. He grinned, having an idea, and he gently picked the anomaly up from his bed and placed her on Stan’s bed, just by his legs.

As Ford got dressed for the day, he watched as the anomaly pawed at the blankets and then walked up to Stan’s face, then sat and watched him for a moment. Ford had to bite his lip to keep from laughing when the anomaly lifted a soft beanie paw and gently smacked Stan’s nose, playing like she had found a ball. By the time Ford was fully dressed the anomaly had climbed up to Stan’s chest and sat close to his face, happy to only watch him sleep.

The sudden weight on his chest stirred him and Stan groggily opened his eyes and was shocked to find two large baby-blue eyes staring closely at him. “ARG!” He yelled and sat up quickly, making the anomaly jump down from the bed and hide under the bed.

Ford laughed good-naturedly while Stan growled in his throat and put on his glasses. “Ford!”

“Good morning, Stanley.”

“What is that thing still doing here, I thought she was only staying just for the night!”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll leave once we leave.” Ford reasoned as the anomaly slowly crept out from under the bed and rubbed herself against Ford’s legs.

Stan grunted, not sure if he should believe his wishy-washy brother, but it was too early to fight this battle, so he yawned and popped his back and made his way upstairs to make coffee.

The anomaly followed Ford everywhere he went. When he went upstairs, so did she. When Ford sat at the table, she hopped onto it. He smiled and got up for a second, seeing how she turned her nose at his coffee, and he poured her a small plate of milk. She happily lapped it up while the twins sipped their coffee and went over their plans for the day, one purposely ignoring her and the other occasionally petting her or scratching her behind the ear.

About an hour later Stan and Ford were ready to leave for some sightseeing while at Iceland’s capital. The anomaly followed them out of the cabin of the boat and hopped on the wall of the Stan O’ War II and watched them walk away. Ford even waved her goodbye, not sure if this would be the last time he would ever see her or not. Again, it was totally fine if she decided to leave. But the fact remained that Ford would be immensely grateful if he found her still on their boat when they returned.

Stan privately decided that it was best to get his brother’s mind off that little menace, so hopefully when they left the dock and set sail tomorrow morning they could leave this whole ordeal behind them. The two brothers had a good time cracking jokes and laughing as they visited historical sights, museums, and other amazing things the capital had to offer about their culture and history. For lunch they sat at the park with warm sandwiches and listened to a street performer sing and beat a drum about a mountain troll wanting to get married.

Having seen everything they had wanted to see, Ford and Stan decided to head to the Stan O’ War early and leave the docks before dinner. Ford was a little disheartened to find the anomaly no longer on the wall of the Stan O’ War, which again, was fine. She was a wild animal and could do whatever she wanted. And no, Ford was not upset over the fact that she wanted to move on.

So why on Earth was he so jubilant, could feel his heart do a cartwheel of joy in his chest, why he grinned so happily, at the sight of her on one of the lounge chairs, bathing in the sunshine and only awoke because she sensed someone’s presence and she smiled up at him and went to rub against his legs again.

Ford picked her up and held her close to his chest, alone with her since Stan had gone inside to start on dinner and probably didn’t even know she was here. The old scientist sat in the lounge chair and petted his new pet softly, making her purr against his hold.

“You’ll need a proper name, my dear.” Ford thought out-loud. To help decide which best suited her, he listed some names out to see if they sounded right for her. “Luna? Ivy? Amber? Periwinkle? Maybe something more sophisticated, like Alessandra? Stella?” Ford tilted his head to the side as they looked at each other. She coped him curiously.

He chuckled and rubbed her head. “You are a strange anomaly. Hm… while Anomaly isn’t a suitable name, maybe something along those lines. Maybe… Molly? No, close, but you don’t quite look like a Molly, my dear. How about…” And then suddenly, he had it. Ford knew what to call her. It was perfect. It was unique, just like her. Ford smiled peacefully at her and settled with, “Amalia. I’ll call you Amalia from now on.”

“Alright, Sixer, we ready to set… oh, great.” Stan stopped when he saw who Ford was with and he glared at the strange anomaly.

“Say hello to Amalia, Stanley.” Ford said happily and held her up to him to see. She poked her little tongue out at him.

Stan glared at his brother. “Amalia? You named it?!”

“Yes. So? Is there a problem?” Ford asked with a raised eyebrow, bringing Amalia back to his lap, a little tired of Stan’s cold attitude.

“Stanford, you’re not supposed to name it.” He growled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Once you name it, you start getting attached to it! Now get it off the boat, we’re leaving now.”

Ford looked down at Amalia, who was curled up in his arms, and then back up at his brother firmly. He hated to push him, but this was important to him and he genuinely felt like Stan was being unfair. “No.”

Stan blinked at his twin. “I’m sorry?”

“No,” Ford said calmly. “Stanley, please. I think she wants to stay, and I want her to stay. Yes, she is probably a wild animal and can take care of herself, but she shouldn’t have to. Why should she when she could have a loving family who takes care of her? I know you’re a little apprehensive that she’ll turn on us, but as my brother I’m asking that you trust me and let me keep her. Please.”

Stan stared, no longer visibly angry. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Ford. He did, more than anyone, and if someone who used to not trust anyone found this little ankle biter worthy of his hard-earned trust, then Stan had to give that little fur-ball some credit. Not to mention that Stan could remember a time when the tables were turned and someone had agreed to help keep a certain possum a secret. At the memory Stan couldn’t help but smile.

He sighed, rubbed the back of his neck, and admitted defeat. “Fine, she can stay. But she’s your pet, which means you feed her and clean up after her, you keep her out of my stuff, and if one day we wake up missing a finger or an eye, I’m blaming you.”

Ford grinned; he could see right through Stan’s tough-guy persona. “Thank you, Stanley. You won’t regret it.” He stood and hurried off the boat. “I’ll go buy some supplies for her before we leave! Thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stan muttered, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe how happy his brother had looked when given permission to keep that little gremlin. Stan hadn’t seen Sixer that happy since they first began their adventure.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ford couldn’t find a pet store within close range, but he did find a convenient store that might have the bare minimum he was looking for. Cans of meat, maybe a soft bed, toys, a brush, etc. Though there was no sign saying “No Pets Allowed,” Ford wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t allowed to bring Amalia inside with him, so he decided to play it safe and hide her in his hoodie.

At first she was tucked in by his chest, her tiny claws clinging to his sweater with no pain to his skin, but Amalia soon climbed up his neck and he had to put his hood up to hide her. She made her way up the right side of Ford’s neck, curling around the back of his head, and resting her front half by his left shoulder, giving Ford a small, furry scarf around the back of his neck, and curling up for another short nap.

And no, Ford was not crying next to the shelves of cat litter.

pt.2

#GF #gravity falls #fanfiction #gift #ford pines #stan pines #sea grunks #amalia #anomaly pet #CUTE!!!#fluff #mostly fluff #and a little fluff #more to come... probably #I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!#Thanks for reading!

181 notes · View notes

jeeperso · 3 years

Text

D&D Quotes Without context

Miscellaneous Edition, for those quotable lines from between sessions

"All I wanna do, is fork a giant woman! A giant woman!" "Jonni, I'm pretty sure she is some type of undead, probably a vampire. Are you sure that is a good idea?" "If I don’t get turned into a blueberry it won’t be my worst date." "Okay, but if you have to defend yourself just don't burn the place down for once." "Oh, Nyx. Sweet summer child. I never make promises we both know I won’t even try to keep." "Jonni, if I wake up to my bed surrounded in flames again I'm short-sheeting your next bed every night for at least a month." "I know you're trying to score here, but Lady Dimitrescu's daughters are literally vampires AND bugs. I can overlook one, but as a Paladin, it is my sacred duty to burn this place to the ground and stir the ashes."

"We don't let Marshall make breakfast anymore." "Those waffles are well-fortified." "I'm going to be charitable and call it hardtack." "We can use these waffles as melee weapons." "Well if we need to deflect siege engines they'll be good to have." "This is still carbon based and digestible by human systems without any poisons." "I can't serve this. It'll cause ... death." "Marshal we've been over this. This Pizza has 10% less of a lethal amount of grease." "Plus they signed the waivers when they bought a ticket. It's fine." "And don't forget to push the Cakeon." "Cakeon being slices of cake wrapped in bacon." "The special sauce is a mixture of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, ranch, horseradish, cheddar cheese, sour cream, and anything unfortunate enough to fall into the mixing vat."

"You do have a copy of the legal code I requested in my letter? As landed gentry you should actually have legal avenues to... I'm sorry did you say Burning child?"

"First I'm going to nail a crossbow bolt through your heart. Then I'm going to mount your balls to walls on opposite sides of this chamber." "I need Three Barrels of Butter" "Are you serious? Those Claws could crush an elephant in full plate!" "You're Right!" *Turns to first person* "We might need more than three barrels of butter."

"So Ioun is the patron of poor college kids. that scans "

"its hardtack or a mug of molten cheese-fried... something in a woven mug of bacon. your choice."

"Welp, all this coke ain't gonna snort itself..."

"Right hand me that dress and the bail money. I'll get Jonni." OOC: Well I mean they allow men in the city. Its just no men live in the city. "I stand by my statement. I'm allowed to look pretty every now and then." OOC: And dragons are the most unprejudiced lovers of anyone after bards.

OOC: Well I mean come on, its Ravenloft: saying a place is of death and madness is like making the observation the day ends in y. "Going out. Getting laid." "Jonni, she’s a werewolf." "Going out, forking a werewolf." OOC: Well Lycanthropy isn't usually sexually transmitted. Its just that Mercedes is a biter. OOC: ...I don't have an appropriate response to that.

"You seriously think I’d turn on my friends for a pile of gold?!?" "sigh I’ll show you my tits. "Hot damn, let’s get these murders done!" "No, Jonni, stay good. Besides, there are plenty of other girls who will do that without asking you to murder us." "Hmmmm… this is the moral quandary of my life…" "I’ll give you five bucks." "Scales tipped!" "Phew, I thought I was going to have to cover her next trip to the topless bar." "No, no, I have the bail money right here."

Nyx: So what’s the inside of Jonni’s head like? Edmund (with thousand yard stare): Imagine every ladies only smut magazine you’ve ever heard of going on forever into infinity while everything is on fire. Food was good though.

"It’s cool. They stole it." "And you know this how?" "Magic." “90% of Ravenloft deaths are mysterious vanishings.” "Why does everything come out covered in glitter and … is that …" "Lube. I’ve got a few theories." "Please don’t share them."

OOC: This is a plan that ends with Strahd having fewer brides, his castle is in flames, and he’s lost his cape.

OOC: Our team consists of a horny pyromancer, a gnome who can fillete you in five seconds, an HP lovecraft protagonist with actual magic backing them up, a literal slab of iron with a face, and a guy with a "I went to the eternal city of Ryleth and all I got was PTSD and this lousy T shirt". Gorbash smashing his shield into their face: "Have! You! Considered! Therapy!" OOC: Good news is you guys will no longer be the most conspicuous guys at the masquerade now. Jonni: Challenge accepted! "Nyx, the bounty on stealing his fake mustache is still on."

"Vanilla is the king of flavors. What does it say about society where vanilla is considered just 'regular'?" "That they have a lot of vanilla." Lash: "Don’t you want wishes?" Jonni: "Do I need wishes to get to see you naked?" Lash: "No?" Jonni: "Fuck ‘em." Vesh: "Oh dammit its my arranged fiance." Pit Fiend: "Milady." Vesh: "An extra wish to whoever punches this douchecanoe in the nards." Jonni: "I wish…for Bigby’s clenched fist of nard punching."

Soth: "Oh, gods, why am I on fire and why is Immigrant Song playing?" Jonni: "Take a guess." Hazlik: "Okay, so its a partridge, stuffed inside a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey, and the whole thing is fried on a stick. Congratulations, that's the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and I once crossbred an elephant and an owl." "I give him the 'itis, and we run like we stole something." OOC: ...weirdly Curse of Strahd has stats for Strahd zombies but not Strahd Skeletons. Or Strahd's skeletal Steed. Strahd once went to a branding seminar hosted by Bane and it changed his life.

"Are we on a high enough floor that if I throw him through the window he'll be killed by the fall?" "Oh, but when I say stuff like that it’s all 'Jonni, murder is wrong.'" "When they say pick your battles they don't mean to pick all of them. That's too many battles Jonni. Put some back." OOC: He's technically already got a symbiote. OOC: They can get married. Gorbash: "I'm increasing the rent." Venom: "Can I keep the pool table?" Gorbash: "I'm not a monster." Giant Brain: "Jonni… I have summoned you here for… WHY AM I ALREADY ON FIRE! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!"

"Hello We're the party-crashers. This is Jonni, she's here to steal your women and burn your shit down. That's Nyx, she's going to repatriate certain items from the premise. Marshal over there, is here to studiously ignore our shenanigans. This is the New Guy. He seems pretty chill. I'm Gorbash... and I have been distracting you."

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly. Jonni: "Hold up. Trying to sex a spider." Nyx: (throws her hands up) And then Jonni wakes up with a spider venom hangover webbed to a wall waiting to be eaten. Jonni: "Eh, I’ve had worse one night stands. I’m not a fucking blueberry." OOC 1: Hey, where does your weed elf grow [her] crops? OOC 2: She probably just grows them in the room she hasn’t paid rent on. OOC 3: Because I was also considering a circle of spores druid tortle. OOC 2: We could be partners! We could turn this into road to el dorado staring Cheech and Chong. OOC: Wait, I just realized five people are hanging out in a pirate bar, and none of us are rogues. We are gonna need someone to get thieves tools. OOC: We have a barbarian with a big stick.

"Are we Foxhound now? Blunderbuss Octopus." OOC1: You want to put the stoner in charge of food. OOC2: Eyup. OOC1: I see no way this can go wrong! OOC3: We need the four basic food groups. Beans, Bacon, Whisky, and Lard. “We pray to Almighty Darkseid! Give us a sign! Thumbs up, for the triumph of the human spirit! Thumbs down to begin the everlasting reign of darkness!” “Where did you find this guy?” “Me? I thought you hired him.” OOC: Yup, nature, arcana, history, investigation and religon at +6. MJ got baked and watched the Discovery Orb a lot. Tordek: "But we have a cleric, Jozan, over there." Strahd: *sigh* Snaps fingers, and suddenly one of Strahd's brides sucks Jozan out the window, cue screaming. "Oh look, you suddenly have an opening, how fortunate." Tordek: "We also have a druid...." Vadania: "SHUT UP, TORDEK!" Edmund: "I think the first order of business may be to discuss your Human Resources strategy..." Strahd: "I have a guy for that too."

youtube

"When someone as smart as him talks with himself, it's not crazy...They call it monologing." "I thought it was soliloquy?" "No, soliloquy is when you're talk at someone else when your talking to yourself." "Most people would run from a demon, you run towards it to study it." Professor: "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING! A FROGHEMOTH, AND RIGHT UP CLOSE, IT WILL BE AMAZING TO SEE THIS PERFECT KILLING MACHINE IN ACTION." OOC: Also note the Professor is Lawful Good, Archie is Chaotic Good, so collectively they balance out to Neutral good. OOC: That's good. "The incinerations will continue until morale improves!" “You never incinerate the women!” “Because I’m fucking them!” “I… was not expecting you to be so honest about that…”

"You got what you wanted....but you lost what you had...." "Yes, I'm familiar with how capitalism works."

OOC: Dragons are like, “That’s Krandor the shiney. He only fucks other dragons. Weirdo.”

Gorbash: "D'awww, so tiny... perfect size... FOR PUNTING!" *boots tiny mind-flayer into the horizon*

"Dracula hasn't been spotted in almost recently. Whats he gonna do, destroy all we know and love like he definitely can?" "... my god you people are too stupid to live." "What are you doing in my house?" Gorbash: "...well Edmund has been reading your books, I've been sorting through your armory, Nyx and Irost has been going through your other shinies, Marshal has been cleaving anything monstrous that gets too close, and Jonni has been lighting things on fire to stave off boredom." Gorbash: "Okay Marshal, Jonni. Rock, paper, scissors over who gets [to kill] the bishop."

Jonni: "Did you really think this would make up for what you did?" Nima: "I… killed everyone you grew up with." Jonni: "Yeah, and I’m still not forgiving you for what you did to Eddie." Nima: "I am missing some key context here…" Nima: "Also I committed identity theft on you by having my new undead army tell everyone you are running the show." Jonni: "Oh, no. You’ve fooled the boar tribe. Who still haven’t figured out shitting in a hole." Nima: "Yeah I noticed that. I ruined two pairs of shoes attacking their camps."

#dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #quotes without context #ravenloft #castlevania #resident evil village #ooc

9 notes · View notes

cuttlefishkitch · 4 years

Note

hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient!

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me!

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

#neela-chaan #ehlers danlos syndrome #EDS #hEDS #hypermobile ehlers danlos #disability #writing advice #disability writing #Chronic Pain #asks #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM JUST SLOW #also i'm sorry the formatting is such a wreck #my adhd won't let me go back and fix it #and i've already spent way too much time

67 notes · View notes

minmotl · 4 years

Text

Chapter 29: Sui Zhou Offers Tang Fan His Wallet; Brings Him Home to Meet his Grandma

Context: Follows directly after Chapter 28. They’ve just closed the Li family case (Li Man and his mistress) without a proper resolution, Tang Fan climbs a tree and gets hurt, Sui Zhou honestly gives Tang Fan his salary and then brings him home to meet his grandmother, the only person whose approval means anything to Sui Zhou.

Introduction Post | Masterpost

–

Highlights under the cut

Ah Dong is also the kind of person to crave for any food that she sees, just like Tang Fan. When she was still with the Li family, she frequently went to the cook to steal food and the cook often made pastries for the young master and Lady Zhang, so after filling up a plate there was still an excess of one or two pieces. Thus, Ah Dong often enjoyed this little benefit, and now she’s already eight years old, but the curves that any young lady should have is still absent from her body. Instead, there are signs of her growing in the round, curvy direction.

However, the times she spent in the kitchen then was not for naught. At least from the Li family’s cook, she managed to steal some skills and techniques from watching, enough to satisfy the glutton with many requests in her own family. Just like this Huai Ye Tao, she began craving for this a little after Tang Fan’s description, and between the siblings, one of them climbed the tree, and the other made the gravy and noodles, and in the end they actually managed to produce it.

Thin and narrow Huai Ye gravy noodles sit in bowls that are as white as white jade, then drizzled with garlic, sesame oil and vinegar. The aroma wafts through the air. Tang Fan and Ah Dong close their eyes at the same time, drunk on the aroma, and if they told others they were just recently made siblings, no one would believe them.

“Come here, hurry and try it!” Tang Fan scoops out a bowl for Sui Zhou personally, and with a grin pushes the bowl, a spoon and some condiments towards the man.

Sui Zhou is speechless, lowering his head to taste it. It is actually pretty tasty. The freshly picked locust tree leaves have a woody, fresh scent and then made into gravy and mixed into the noodles, even the noodles have a sort of locust tree scent. It is fresh and delicious, most suitable for the summer, no wonder Tang Fan is obsessed with the dish.

Seeing Sui Zhou’s nod, Tang Fan’s eyes brighten, “Then let’s try the Golden Fried Chicken next time!”

Before Sui Zhou gets a chance to speak, Ah Dong says, “Da-ge, don’t forget that you cut your hand when you were climbing the tree, and you want to go and catch a chicken next time? Won’t you get bitten by the chicken instead?”

Tang Fan glares at her, “I’ve not climbed trees in a while, I’m a little rusty is all, a few more times and I’ll be familiar with it again.”

Ah Dong laments, “You’re going to try again? This morning I was looking out for you at the bottom of the tree and I was already anxious, so afraid that you would drop down. In the end you really did fall, please don’t tell me there’ll be a second time, I’m afraid I’ll be frightened to death!”

“It’s good enough that you have some to eat, but you’re still nagging every single day, be careful that you wont’t be able to get married in the future!” Tang Fan reaches out to pinch at her ear.

Don’t simply look at how round Ah Dong is, for her movements are still pretty agile. With a jump, she hides behind Sui Zhou in a flash and sticks her tongue out at Tang Fan as she laughs.

Sui Zhou asks, “You’re hurt?”

Tang Fan shakes his head, “Don’t listen to Ah Dong’s nonsense. It’s just a small cut from where I scratched myself on the branch.”

Sui Zhou nods and doesn’t say anything more.

Huai Ye Tao, cucumber salad, beef with gravy — one meat dish and another vegetarian one, both are fresh, easily digestible and appetising dishes. After finishing their meal, their heated bodies are relieved and cooled.

Sui Zhou used to live alone and even though he knew how to cook, because of how busy he was, most of the time he ended up settling for the easiest option. He ate at the court, eating while looking through records without tasting the food he was eating and it was rare that he could eat as he does now, the three of them gathered together, chatting as they eat and tasting the detailed preparation that went into these dishes.

In the beginning, he felt that there was no need to come back and have dinner if he was planning to work late, but at Tang Fan’s insistence, he complied. Now that he’s gotten used to it, no matter how late it gets, he always rushes back home. These changes happened to him unconsciously.

After they are done with the meal, Ah Dong begins to keep the bowls and chopsticks and Sui Zhou says to Tang Fan, “Come with me.”

He brings Tang Fan to his study.

“Your sleeves,” he says.

He has always spoken precisely and simply, and if he is able to not speak, Sui Zhou will not speak. When he is forced to say something, he is as precise as possible.

Tang-daren thinks, it’s good that he is so smart, otherwise it would be impossible to understand what Sui Zhou means from this utterance alone.

When he rolls up his sleeves, they can see the long cut on the outside of his right arm. While the cut is not deep, it’s likely that it bled quite a bit. Now that the bleeding has stopped, revealing a long scar caked with blood, the sight is a little alarming.

Sui Zhou glances at it once, before picking a cream out of the many bottles and jars on the table. Using his finger, he dabs at the cream lightly, before spreading it on Tang Fan’s wound. The wound stings and hurts, but he is still able to tolerate it. Tang-daren does not grimace or grit his teeth, but after the cream is spread evenly on his wound, he can feel a comfortable, cooling sensation and even the pain eases a little.

“This is a really effective ointment, I won’t have to worry when I end up falling again,” Tang Fan jokes, but it’s met with Sui Zhou’s cold glare, and so he shuts up.

“You’re still thinking about a next time?”

“…”

Tang Fan tries to resist, but fails, “The Huai Ye Tao was really delicious, don’t you think?”

He says it in a whining tone, as if he’s been wronged and is suffering. Sui Zhou’s lips cannot help but curve upwards, but fortunately, he manages to turn away and Tang-daren does not see it.

“If you want to have it in the future, tell me,” Tang Fan hears Sui Zhou say after a moment.

Tang Fan beams, “You’re truly a good xiong-di!”

Hearing that he’s a good xiong-di to Tang Fan all because he’s willing to climb a tree and pick leaves has Sui-baihu feeling a little helpless, “Didn’t you want to talk about the Li family?”

Tang-daren goes ‘oh’ twice, remembering the matter at hand and shifting from his gluttonous mode into a serious and proper state.

He goes through his hypothesis from start to end and at the end, says, “Lao Li once told me, he said that Li Man gave up on the Imperial Examination that year and when he first switched to commerce, he suffered a lot because he was inexperienced. He lost all his capital and the Li family was left with a lot of debt. At the brink of despair, they switched to some other business after and the Li family turned their situation around overnight. Lao Li is only a steward and he knew very little, but now that I think about it, perhaps the reason why Li Man could recover is because he obtained assistance from the White Lotus Sect. Both parties began colluding with each other early on, otherwise Li Man had a virtuous wife, a filial son and great wealth, how could he have been tempted to murder his wife and kill his son?”

Sui Zhou nods, “I will report on this matter and continue to chase after the whereabouts of Li Man and Lady Chen. The White Lotus Sect has been getting increasingly bolder with every passing year. The battle at Tu Mu Fortress more than a decade ago revealed the White Lotus Sect’s collusion with the Oirats.”

At the mention of that battle, Tang Fan sighs.

The world shook with the huge event that happened that year and at that time, Tang Fan was not yet born but this did not hinder him from understanding fully what happened. It’s not just him — if the whole world knew about this event, they would sigh just like Tang Fan too.

Because the Emperor did as he pleased and was unknowledgeable, it led to the event that caused more than 10,000 deaths, including talented officials and subjects who were celebrated for their achievements and accolades, and even the Ming dynasty’s three main battalions and their strategists were almost entirely decimated. After that, people would bring up Emperor Ying Zong’s political history repeatedly without mentioning his name directly.

However, Tang Fan thinks that it is too tragic to exchange so many deaths for the growth of a single person. What is done has already been done and no matter how much embellishment and euphemism used, the mistakes he made cannot be covered up. The Emperor was deceived and became the shame of the country. At that time, the Oirats invaded aggressively and the city was left defenceless. If it wasn’t for Yu Qian who stepped forward, rejected all dissenting voices, insisted on not abandoning the capital for another city, and even announced a new Emperor, leading the army to defend the city in a battle, it’s very difficult to say what Jing city and the Ming dynasty would have become.

Tang Fan reminds him, “From the incident at the fortress, we can see how large a scale the White Lotus Sect’s plans are. I’m afraid the issue with Li Man is only the tip of the iceberg.”

The moment the White Lotus Sect is involved, it is no longer something that Tang Fan himself can solve. The Northern Administrative Court has greater experience, and leaving them to investigate is clearly more suitable.

Sui Zhou nods in agreement, then says coldly, “Judging from Li Man’s personality, even without Lady Chen and the sect’s manipulation and temptation, it’s likely he would have still done what he did.”

Clearly, Sui Zhou does not think highly of this man, who dared to kill his wife and destroy his son like that.

“There are no lack of people like Li Man in the world, but because of the White Lotus Sect, they’re given opportunities,” Tang Fan says.

Looking at Sui Zhou’s weary face, he asks again, “Did you come across something complicated again?”

Sui Zhou shakes his head, “It’s just as I told you previously. The disciples of the White Lotus Sect made use of the fictional books to spread rumours and confuse the public, we’re only checking through the books thoroughly and banning the necessary ones from the market in recent days.”

Tang-daren goes ‘ah’ and then smiles eagerly as if trying to get on Sui Zhou’s good side, “Guang Chuan ah, can we discuss, if you see that book titled “The Memoir of the Pear Blossoms”, if there’s no problem after you’ve read it, can you not seize it There’s another one called “The Flying Sword:…”

His volume decreases with every word at the other’s expressionless gaze, and reveals a sheepish, guilty look at the end.

Sui Zhou says, “There are orders from above, as long as it’s fiction, we will seize it all equally. The people who are investigating the books are reading the books briefly and it’s very difficult to see which books exactly are problematic, so they would rather eliminate all the books together than let one escape.”

“Besides,” he pauses and looks at Tang Fan, his cold and stoic demeanour finally morphing into a bit of exasperation, “You’re an official of the court and still you went to write these books under a pseudonym. If you’re found out, your reputation will be ruined.”

Tang Fan chuckles, “How bad can that be? It’s not just me, but there are a lot of people in court who do this. We’re all using our pen names anyway, no one can identify us. Otherwise how is our salary able to support our families? If we don’t want to become corrupt, this is the only other alternative we have. I don’t mind telling you either, that Deputy Minister He from the Department of Justice? That “Sound of the Tides Under the Moon” was written by him, and also someone from my batch who was a literary assistant in Han Lin but has now moved on from there, he too wrote one or two novels for some quick cash. As his style of writing is more open than mine, his content is more vibrant and dynamic and is immensely popular with book publishers. His royalties are even more than mine, and also some people in the Ministry of Rites, after the exams, they will sell the answer scripts from the exams’ highest scoring candidates to the bookstores and earn money from there. There are plenty of scholars who buy those guides for reference and consideration, and those sell much better than novels!”

Sui Zhou listens to the man list out his examples as if he is counting the treasures in his own home, and his expression remains rigid.

He naturally remembers the Deputy Minister that Tang Fan mentioned, and that old man’s reputation for being righteous and stern precedes him, so Sui Zhou finds it very difficult to imagine that Old Man He will write these kinds of fiction in secret. And with the interrogation skills that the Embroidered Uniform Guards employ, they had no idea that this was happening. It looks like they will have to reflect on themselves as well.

He hears Tang Fan sigh again, trying to sound pitiful, “So, you have to look at us civil officials, we look as if we have a lot of power and status on the surface, but in reality, after studying so hard for more than a decade, once you become an official you have to receive and give gifts as well, so it is very difficult for us to proceed without money. Higher ranking officials host banquets, if you don’t turn up with a gift you will have offended the host, and it’ll be difficult for you to live in the future. If you want to give a gift but don’t have the money, one will end up stealing from the citizens, resulting in their suffering, but we can’t blame them entirely. I’m not speaking up for them, I’m just saying that there aren’t that many who are as intelligent and smart as I am, able to write novels and be paid royalties…”

“I have a salary,” Sui Zhou says.

Tang Fan continues, “Don’t you think, Guang Chuan…. huh? What did you just say?”

“I have a salary, so you don’t have to worry.”

Embroidered Uniform Guards are different from civil officials, their salaries comprise the monthly base salary and also allowances.

Their monthly salary is the same as officials, but the added allowances are to compensate them for out-of-city obligations or tasks. Those from the Northern Administrative Court often need to head out for investigations, and not only do they get abundant travel fees, when they get to their destination, they will receive plenty of courtesy gifts and some ‘gray’ earnings. Moreover, the Embroidered Uniform Guards’ original duty was to escort the Emperor when he travelled, which means they have to look fresh and respectable. The guards are also a bunch of fierce-looking, harbingers of calamity, so anyone who sees them are afraid. This is the reason why even when the courts have to tighten their spending, even when the Ministry of Revenue is temporarily unable to mete out money and provisions, they would never dare to decrease the guards’ salaries and food.

Everyone knows that it is better to pick a soft persimmon to pinch at, after all.

Tang Fan stays alone and it’s not as if they are responsible for the livelihoods of a whole household. Even with an added Ah Dong, the expenditure will not increase by much, but Tang Fan is a glutton for delicious food, so he runs outside often and ends up with little savings at the end.

On the other hand, Sui Zhou is the epitome of a person who lives simply and is thrifty. He lives alone but doesn’t indulge in any vices, and doesn’t have an extraordinary passion for good food. Everyday, aside from being at court, he is at home. His life is so simple that it’s comparable to that of a practicing monk’s. After the necessary gifts are given to his family and higher-ranking officials during the New Year as is expected of him, there is still plenty of excess after the year. Tang-daren pales in comparison.

Upon his words, Tang Fan is stunned for a moment before he begins to laugh manically. He ends up having to support himself with a hand on Sui Zhou’s shoulder, and simultaneously rubbing at his stomach, “Aiyo, hey, then we siblings will have to depend on Sui-baihu in the future. When I truly finish spending my salary, you must supplement me with more!”

“Hnn,” Sui Zhou agrees.

Tang Fan still cannot help but want to laugh, and yet he is also a little moved. He knows that not just anyone will be able to make Sui Zhou say what he just said.

“Guang Chuan, to be honest, I didn’t have much of an impression about the Embroidered Uniform Guards, but after I knew you better, that’s when I knew that among the guards, I would have a friend like you, a real good man who’s just like my soulmate!”

A bit of warmth surfaces in Sui Zhou’s cold, even eyes, even though he still simply hums in response as he typically does.

“In a couple of days, it’s my grandmother’s birthday, are you willing to go with me?” he asks.

Zhou is his grandmother’s surname, and her identity is unusual. She is the present Empress Dowager Zhou’s older sister.

Lady Zhou came from a common background and the Ming dynasty has rules for women in the harem to be chosen from the public’s good families and not from high-ranking officials. This is to prevent the harem from colluding with their relatives to intervene in politics. Lady Zhou was just like many other women in the harem but ended up with the title of Royal Consort before finally becoming the Empress Dowager as the Emperor’s mother. The Zhou family naturally rose with her growth, prospering. Aside from Empress Dowager Zhou’s father receiving a title, her siblings also received titles. Due to Lady Zhou, Sui Zhou’s grandfather was also given the title of Commander of the Embroidered Uniform Guards.

Commander is the Embroidered Uniform Guards’ highest title, but it is not just one person who holds the Commander title. For example, Royal Consort Wan’s younger brother Wan Tong is also Commander as well, but he holds real power and authority in this case. There is another Commander called Yuan Bin, who once saved the late Emperor’s life and so has a lot of influence within the Embroidered Uniform Guards. Similarly, he holds power and authority as well.

Aside from these two people, there are plenty of Commanders in the guards, but most of them were given the title in name only by the Emperor. With just the name, these individuals take the money without lifting a finger, and naturally do not have any real power.

These external relatives given titles are part of the nouveau rich and cannot be compared to people like Marquis Wu An Hou who was given his title after having earned it in battle. It’s a nice thing to hear, but they don’t actually have any power. All they do is collect money and provisions each year.

Thanks to Empress Dowager Zhou, within the Sui family, Sui Zhou’s father and brother were also given roles in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, the kind of roles where they only need to collect money without having to work. This caught a lot of attention from others because they aren’t even Empress Dowager Zhou’s direct relatives and are not from the Zhou family, which means there’s an additional layer between her and the Sui family. After Sui Zhou entered the guards, he could only start as a xiaoqi and get slowly promoted from there.

Since they do not have any authority and the family is considered an external relative, most civil officials are unwilling to interact with the Sui family. This is firstly to avoid wagging tongues and secondly, no official is willing to lower their status like that.

After Tang Fan hears him say that, without even thinking about it, he says, “Since we’re brothers, your grandmother is naturally my grandmother. In two days just remind me, we will go together.”

Sui Zhou’s heart warms, and he hums in assent.

***

Two days later, on Madam Zhou’s birthday, Tang Fan brings along Ah Dong and follows Sui Zhou back to the Sui house to celebrate his grandmother’s birthday. Madam Zhou only has one son and daughter, and her daughter is Sui Zhou’s mother.

After Madam Sui married Sui Zhou’s father, they had three children with Sui Zhou in the middle. Above him there is his older brother Sui An and the youngest is Sui Bi.

Despite being Empress Dowager Zhou’s relatives, the Sui family is a common, normal family, and unlike the Wu An Hou manor and the Li family, they do not have the practice of having three wives and four concubines. Sui Zhou’s father only has one wife, Sui Zhou’s mother, and Sui Zhou’s paternal grandparents are no longer in this world.

Madam Zhou’s son is a small official out of the city and only her daughter remains in Jing city. The siblings planned and in order not to let their mother go through the exhausting journey by carriage out of the city to enjoy the last of her years, they decided to leave Madam Zhou in the city. The Sui family then bought the house next to the old lady’s and moved over to become her neighbours. In this case, they would be able to take care of her but prevent others from gossiping about them.

After listening to the explanation of the Sui family tree, Tang Fan finds it a little strange, “If that’s the case, it seems that your numbers are simple, so why did you move out on your own?”

Sui Zhou says idly, “My brother was given the title of baihu, but it is merely an empty title. He couldn’t get used to the duties in the Embroidered Uniform Guards and wanted to excel by studying, but until now he has not managed to pass the qualifying exams. While I began in a position lower than his, today I can be considered as an official as well. My sister-in-law doesn’t like me and rather than having to deal with endless arguments at home, I might as well move out for some peace and quiet.”

Tang Fan understands immediately. Every family has its own troubles.

Sui An is the eldest and is expected to take over the family in the future, so his parents definitely are more biased towards him and have higher expectations of him. Judging from Sui Zhou’s character, he definitely couldn’t be bothered with these matters at home and so decided simply to move out to avoid conflict, lest the brothers fight.

Madam Zhou’s son and his family is unable to return from outside the city to celebrate her birthday, so the event is naturally organized by her daughter instead. Considering Madam Zhou and Empress Dowager Zhou’s relationship, the Sui family would not dare to celebrate her birthday simply, but Madam Zhou did not wish to host a grand celebration. She said that she was born into a simple, common family and can enjoy riches today only because of the Empress Dowager. Thus, she should cherish the fortune she has. Instead of hosting a party and making a fuss, wasting money and inviting a bunch of people she doesn’t know to celebrate with her, she would rather gather all her grandchildren and have a good meal together.

The birthday celebration is being held in the Zhou family house. Sui Zhou and his family on need to move next door to celebrate for Madam Zhou, which is convenient.

When Tang Fan arrives at the Zhou house, that’s when he realizes that other than he and Ah Dong, everyone else is from the Sui family.

Madam Zhou has passed sixty, has a full head of white hair and looks both kind and warm. The moment she sees Sui Zhou, her eyes fold into happy lines as she smiles and she reaches out for him, pulling him over, “My good grandson is here to see me, hurry, come here, come here!”

Even if Sui Zhou’s face is habitually stoic, the moment he sees Madam Zhou, his expression softens. He greets Madam Zhou and wishes her a happy birthday before giving her his present.

With respect, he calls, “Grandmother.”

“Good, good, good!” Madam Zhou says ‘good’ three times consecutively, and then seeing Tang Fan and Ah Dong standing next to Sui Zhou, she smiles, “Ah Zhou, are these your friends?”

Before Sui Zhou can answer, someone on the side comments, “Er-di, it’s a family banquet today. Madam said not to bring outsiders, so why did you still bring strangers here? There are female members of the family here today and it’s not as if they are close to our family, this was too inconsiderate of you!”

The person who spoke is Sui Zhou’s sister-in-law, his brother’s wife, Lady Jiao.

Sui Zhou and his married older brother cannot see eye to eye and their relationship can be attributed to the disagreement Sui Zhou has with his sister-in-law. Sui Zhou is still single, but Lady Jiao doesn’t like him and keeps driving a wedge between Sui Zhou and Sui An. After a while, the brothers’ relationship would be affected as well.

Moreover, Sui Zhou grew up under the care of Madam Zhou as his parents doted on their eldest son, but Madam Zhou doted instead on Sui Zhou. The Embroidered Uniform Guards is a popular place to work at. Sui Zhou is the second son and doesn’t have the surname Zhou, so originally he had no chance of obtaining any titles, but Madam Zhou spoke up for him before Empress Dowager Zhou and Sui Zhou shifted from having only an empty title to an actual post. It’s no wonder that Lady Jiao is green with envy at the differential treatment.

However, she forgot that Sui Zhou is not a person to be easily bullied.

The moment she finishes speaking, Sui Zhou responds, “From today onwards, they’re close friends of the family then.”

===

Notes:

*馋货 chan huo

A glutton who is craving for something specific to eat.

*柿子要捡软的捏 shi zi yao jian ruan de nie

Soft persimmons are sweet and delicious, this is a metaphor for how people are likely to succeed with bullying the weak (soft persimmon) and are scared of rock-hard persimmons. In this case, this metaphor is used to show that people are scared of the Embroidered Uniform Guards when they’re fierce, but being nice to them and turning them into soft-er persimmons will make things easier for people.

*灰色收入 hui se shou ru

Literally translated as gray earnings i.e. money someone makes from moonlighting.

*通家之好 tong jia zhi hao

To show that two families have a good and meaningful relationship between them, as if they were from one big family. Being a 通家 (tong jia) I think is like an official, big thing? Not something to be taken lightly, so when Sui Zhou declares Tang Fan and Ah Dong to be a 通家 (tong jia), he confers some sort of status on them.

*兄弟 xiong di

Meaning brother. This can be meant for like bros - brothers or actual biological brothers. You can also use both characters separately, with xiong used for a male your age or older, and di for someone younger. Tang Fan calls Sui Zhou Guang Chuan-xiong quite frequently.

*百户 bai hu

There are four ranks within the Embroidered Uniform Guards - 千户 (qian hu)、百户 (bai hu)、总旗 (zong qi)、小旗 (xiao qi) arranged highest to smallest rank, aside from the Commander 统领官 (zong ling guan).

#tsomd #the sleuth of ming dynasty #tsomd novel #成化十四年 #fanzhou #tang fan #sui zhou #I LOVED THIS CHAPTER!!!#sui zhou so gently treating his wound for him #offering him all his money

48 notes · View notes

askrighthandrecollections · 3 years

Text

Words on a page 2/I am the Bluebird 3

Right busied himself with checking the contents of the large backpack he planned on taking with him. He could hear Reginald flipping though the notebook as the man sat on Right’s bed.

“Oh look, there’s a message for me,” Reginald mused and read it aloud. “Hey Reginald, what do you think of this Time Loop situation?”

“You gonna reply?” Right asked, looking up to see Reginald twirling a pen in one hand. His partner smirked.

“It would be rude if I didn’t,” the former leader said, and put pen to paper, dictating his response as he did. “Truth be told, I’m more worried about Right being in such a predicament than the situation itself. Since I don’t retain my memories my Right Hand Man has no guarantee that I will assist him when he returns to the past.”

Right blinked at him. “Reg, it’s fine. I haven’t ‘ad any problems convincing you so far…”

“When I’m the chief yes, you have yet to inform me of your situation when we’re both under Terrence’s rule, and there’s every chance my younger self may not believe you should you try,” Reginald countered, putting the pen in one of many pouches on the leather utility belt he wore. With Henry in charge, the former leader had returned to a far more casual style of attire. A dark green shirt, brown pants, and his old utility belt alongside his grey hat and his black leather gloves. “I worry a younger version of myself may hurt your feelings… or do any number of foolish things…”

Right snorted. “So, you were an idiot ten years ago, you still ‘ad more sense than me an’ I’m just happy spending time with you. Doesn’t matter if we’re starting from square one all the time, it’s you I care about, not our relationship Reg…”

Reginald smiled softly at the remark. “Yes well, one of us has to worry about this whole mess you’re in.”

Right performed one last check of the items he packed. A small, solar powered portable charger for his cybernetics, some food, a few bottles of water, and a tent. Zipping the bag up, he got up and left it on the floor. He pointed at the book. “Any new ones for me?”

Reginald held out the book. “Take a look for yourself.”

With a raised brow, the cyborg accepted the book and read the new message.

Steampunkserpent,

Yo Right Hand man, what do you think if dipping fries in milkshakes and then eating it? Kinda like dipping fries in ketchup, for context.

Wordlessly, Right pulled out his pen.

I’ve had a milkshake after eating chips, can’t say I’ve combined them like that though. Sounds interesting.

He sat down and showed his response to Reginald, who grinned.

The good mood didn’t last, Right sagged, staring down at his lap. “We need to get in contact with Lora, she might be caught up in this time loop too.”

“Are you sure?”

Right nodded and gestured at the book. “She’s never gotten in touch with the clan before now, something’s up.”

Lora stared at her notebook. Worry, shock, and dread swirled around her mind in a violent storm of emotions.

Anon,

I mean, Right is technically fine, only he's half metal now, and Reginald got dethroned by a guy called Henry Stickmin, heard of him before? On a different note, the three of them are aware of you being in trouble thanks to Burt and Henry is fine with both finding you and having you re-join the Toppats if you wish to do so.

“What?” she said meekly. “Half metal?”

She scrambled to find something in her coat pocket and pulled out an old mobile phone and a piece of paper with a phone number written on it in her brother’s familiar handwriting. Fighting against the slowly mounting panic, she dialled the number and held the phone up to her left ear silently praying it was still valid.

The two men were surprised when a ringtone blared loudly from the inside of Right’s coat. The cyborg fumbled to pull out a battered phone and answered it.

“’Ello?”

Right was stunned at hearing his sister say his name in near panic. “- are you alright? I got told you’re half metal!”

“’M fine Lora, just a bit banged up, had to get cybernetic enhancements to compensate. I’m fine.” Right stressed and Reginald looked just as surprised as Right felt.

“Cybernetics? Holy shit…How bad is it?”

“… The left side of my head, right arm, everything from the waist down, an’ most of my digestive system…” Right admitted. “Doubles as life support.”

“Oh my God… Okay, okay, I’ll just…”

“Loz? Hey, I’m alright,” Right said reassuringly. “I’ve got permission to bring you back to the clan, where are you?”

“You are in no shape to come save my arse,” Lora replied, sounding worried. “I’ll come to you.”

Right was confused. “How?”

“I still have my magic Red.”

Right had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what she was going to do. “Lora, don’t, just get somewhere safe, we’ll send someone to pick you up.”

Lora could feel her magic reacting to her heightened levels of stress and worry. The urge to do something, to help, was almost all-consuming.

“I’m fine.” Her brother stressed.

“You’re not fine! I’m not going to put your health at risk for my sake!” she argued.

There was a noise on the other end, a brief exchange of words she couldn’t hear, and the sound of the phone being handed to someone else.

“Lora,” Reginald said seriously. “What are you planning, your brother is worried sick.”

“…My Shadow, I plan on calling upon my Shadow.” She explained. Her brother had his Spirit, whereas she had her Shadow.

“The current chief has no idea what you’re capable of, if he learns you can transform…” Reginald trailed off. “You’re not meant for the battlefield.”

“I don’t care what the chief thinks,” Lora said. “You and Red are my priority, not some god damn ding-dong that took over the clan for shits and giggles.”

“Are you sure you can return to normal once you reach the airship?”

“Reg, embracing my Shadow doesn’t make me lose my marbles, I’m still me in there.” She said matter-of-factly.

“I know… very well, I’ll clear the cargo bay and hopefully our esteemed leader takes this all in stride… Stay safe, it’ll be good to have you back with us Bluebird.”

“I’ll do my best Greenbean, look after Red for me.”

“Of course.”

Lora hung up, checked the time, and tucked the phone back into the inside of her coat. She focused on keeping her breathing calm as her mind went a mile a minute, her magic thrummed along to the beat of her heart, and she struggled to keep her emotions under control.

“Okay… I’ve got to grab my bag from where they locked it up in storage, get the hell out of here, and get to the airship on the other side of the world,” she said to herself as she walked towards the exit. “I can do this…I’m just, running away, with magic, I can do that. Always running from something.”

[Lora is temporarily unavailable for asks during her break-out, which will be shown in the next segment]

[Mod: Things are bit hectic in real life right now, but I’ll try to stick to the weekly schedule as much as I can!]

[With that said, Right Hand Man and Reginald are still available for asks, have fun]

#henry stickmim collection #Right hand man #reginald copperbottom #ask blog #Asks are open

2 notes · View notes

realactualfancontent · 4 years

Text

More out of context Novel Bits.

To make up for that thing where Griffin murders reader with an axe, have another novel chunk!

“You’re just going to eat all of those, right in front of me?” Griffin accused, watching Aster bite into another slightly squashed confection, the chocolate coating forming a mock mustache as she did.

“Yes,” she said when she’d swallowed. Taking another bite and offering no further explanation.

There were many problems with invisibility, but right now the most aggravating was Griffin’s inability to carry his own things. A fact Aster was abusing to its fullest potential, by hogging all the pastries.

“I’m the one who stole them!” He sounded remarkably petulant and Aster had to stifle a giggle.

“True, true, but you can’t eat in public.” she chided with a wry smirk. “And we are, technically speaking, in public.”

A stifled noise of aggravation. Because she was, technically right, they were out in the open. But there wasn’t anyone around.

“An empty field hardly counts as public, you’re just being difficult.” Aster felt the half finished eclair pulled from her grip and watched in horrified fascination as it was chewed on by Invisible teeth.

She rolled her eyes and opened the paper bag so Griffin could pull another one free. She did the same.

“I was actually going to save you some.” She said, trying to find the most intact of the stolen confections to start eating again.

“Unlikely.” Griffin groused, partially muffled by the mouthful he was chewing. Apparently the fact that his food was visible no matter what gave him carte blanche to ignore basic table manners.

They polished off the bag in short order. The bile fascination of watching Griffin eat had worn off sometime around lunch yesterday. But she still appreciated the partially digested food and how it gave her somewhere to direct conversation.

“You think we should have nicked something more nutritious?” She asked, licking the last crumbs off her fingers before putting her glove back on.

“Absolutely not! What’s the point of all this if we don’t indulge a little? I’m not wasting my time stealing what, common vegetables? Disgusting! Preposterous!” A smear of chocolate on his fingertips indicated Griffin was gesticulating wildly as he overplayed his offense. Aster couldn’t help but laugh.

“If you say so. You’ll have to forgive my inexperience, this is my first criminal excursion after all.”

“Of course,” Griffin said, sounding very dignified, “your lapse in obvious judgement is excused. But as someone who has committed several crimes of some magnitude, I can assure you, no crime spree is complete without some measure of hedonism.”

Aster nodded, committing the sage advice to memory. She considered for a moment asking what those other crimes were, he might have just meant the burglary at the vicarage. Or the bombs he was definitely building in the inn. But he didn’t seem to have any real problem with burglary and vandalism, and not for the first time Aster found herself wondering exactly what sort of man she was caught up with.

She studied the air beside her, depressions in the grass told her he was keeping pace with her.

Probably best not to ask. Griffin was so quick to shut down even the most well meaning questions about him, and the mood was too light to ruin with that.

“You’re staring.”

Aster started.

“Somewhat impressive given you’ve nothing to actually stare at.” He added. Although in truth he was a little uncomfortable with how she almost always managed to find his eyes. Just some trick he was sure, a superior sense of spatial awareness, but it did make him feel self conscious.

“Well I’m an impressive woman, and you’ve uh, got something there.” Aster pointed at a smear of icing which clung to Griffin’s face. Glad she’d found an explanation.

Griffin made an attempt to wipe it off with the back of his hand which only transferred the smudge. “Dammit.”

With a flourish Aster produced a handkerchief and Griffin took it, making quick work of cleaning himself up.

“Is that everything?”

Aster considered and then nodded. “Think so.”

“Thank you.” He handed back the handkerchief which Aster promptly stuffed back into some hidden pocket.

“What would you do without me?” She asked, adjusting the lapels of her vest so it lay more smoothly.

“I’m not sure.” Griffin’s voice was softer, uncharacteristically thoughtful, concerned even. It hadn’t been a sincere question, he knew that, and as such it didn’t warrant a sincere answer. He really should just shut his mouth here and save himself some embarrassment. “I’d rather not consider it really.”

Aster paused, realizing his voice was lagging behind her, and she turned to face him, quickly scanning the ground for the indentations of feet before she found him.

“Then you’re lucky I’m not planning to go anywhere.”

#Grifter #Fanfic #Aster's Mod #That Novel I'm Working On #Griffin #Aster #The Invisible Man

24 notes · View notes

mauserfrau · 4 years

Text

Mau's Very Silly Headcanon Post

Since I have two pieces of fiction going live this weekend and they’re both going to be late due to butting into each other XD.

I did another one here and there’s going to be some overlap, but less bodily function stuff in this one (mostly spit) (also some vague references to medical trauma).

A lot of this is small potatoes because I didn’t want to spoil anything. How Phaseleech actually works ends up being a plot point in what I have pending, so I actually can’t just come out and say what’s going on. That said, I’m sure there are people here who want to know what’s on my mind, but who don’t want to sit through 50K words with half a dozen squick warnings.

That said: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mauser_Frau

Questions welcome, about this, anything else I think about Borderlands, what exactly is in Chapter 13 of Satellite, if it’s true the one flashback actually happened to Mom...

Both

-Look, the only thing I did that’s appreciably off-canon is let them have emotions. Maybe I drove into left field with what those emotions were, but that’s really all anybody’s got to do to fix this situation. Go with the deity of your choice.

-If I was headed for a Gearbox ending, it would be for the scrapped one, not the one we got. See this and this other thing.

>>>I would still have written the twins as having something resembling a meaningful relationship regardless of whether that turned out romantic or not. As things went and are, them as a couple was something I knew how to write and my mom shipped them (no, I’m not kidding).

-I’m not going for a canon ending. Mercy, did I find a thread I could snap and take the whole sweater out.

-Both had blue siren markings when they were born; Troy’s turned red after they were separated.

--Which was a complicated mess-- they were upside-down verses each other and had several secondary adhesions, the most notable of which was Tyreen’s face to Troy’s thigh.

---Leda never 100% recovered from the emotional or physical trauma, but she put on a brave face for the last sevenish years of her life.

---Troy’s tissue loss was severe and left him with a notable pit in his upper right side.

---Tyreen also has heavy scarring running from her right armpit to her right hip. It’s not as complex, but it is very visible. Missing a fair amount of intestine compared to the average human, but this has apparently never bothered her beyond the fact that visiting the toilet when you don’t eat is not fun.

-Semi-identical twins. Have 82.5% of their genes in common. LSS, neither one is a parasite. They’re two sperm plus one egg and they didn’t divide right.

--Ms. Phaseleech* didn’t know any better. #oops

--If you get them relaxed enough, they will indeed curl up together in their “fish” position.

-Tyreen is the one who would wail first if separated from her brother when they were very small, but they don’t like being apart even as adults.

-Both very well-read, used to recite The Odyssey to congregants instead of scripture (‘cause they didn’t have any scripture).

-Good to excellent hunters. Depends what they’re hunting and if they’re together. Prefer to go barefoot if there’s no one else around.

-The circumstances surrounding Leda’s death are appreciably worse than fanon baseline to the point I don’t think I ought to leave them lying around in a Tumblr post.

-Both have wavy hair if they don’t iron the daylights out of it.

-Prefer to be on the road and around people, even if a fair amount of those people are going to end up dinner.

-Get weirdly soft-hearted around kids, especially little boys with a similar complexion to their own.

-Do they have any concept that they’re horrible people? Yes, but it’s very academic and not something that motivates them. You’d be way more likely to hear them frame themselves as hedonists, which also explains their worldview to a certain extent.

~*~

Troy

-Skinnier than most other Troys. You could put him in a room with every fandom Troy and sort them by muscle mass, you’d find him at the bottom end, partying like this was an accomplishment.

-Has an X-linked connective tissue disorder which is more extensive than he lets on. He really should not do about 90% of the stunts he does because of the vascular involvement.

-Made a categorical decision to treat the associated pain with a lot of cannabis and massage. Has a distinct resin and honey body butter smell because of this.

--Also, if you get him off-hours, there’s going to be a fair amount of “but why are we here, man?” discussion.

-Has a kink in his upper back. His spine tilts to his right. Not super noticeable, but if you were on massage duty, you’d realize something felt out of place.

-Used to get catastrophic nosebleeds, though these have lessened in frequency and severity over the years.

-After a certain point, has a permanent latching socket port installed on his right side, allowing him to switch arms out as he likes.

--Because he has a selection of eccentric ones. What? It’s a challenge to learn to use non-human aspects like claws or feathers or forty joints in a tentacle.

--Still flounces around without one if nobody of consequence is watching and generally won’t sleep with one in.

-The insides of his ear gauges are messy and don’t even get him started on changing the jewelry on any, erm, other piercings he might have. (Nipples and one off-center PA. That was QUITE enough after what it took for his tattoos to cooperate.)

-Will frame any illness or off-day as a migraine, which he does get.

-Had really bad teeth before his mouth mods. After that, has none of his natural teeth remaining. Primarily uses his exceptional bite radius to annoy others, show off, eat sandwiches in a disturbing fashion and do unspeakable things in bed. They’re for show. They’re not functional in any serious way.

-Doesn’t have great control of said mouth mods in the heat of passion or if you get him laughing hard enough. Hope you like spit!

-Still has rather heinous-looking feet, but he’s concerned about losing his calluses if he has them fixed. You’d be more likely to see him open on an operating table than barefoot in public.

-Always wants to be the little spoon. You’re a tink? You’re a third his size? So what. He wants to be the little spoon. Just give in.

-Genuinely likes tea, especially flower-based tea. Favorite foods include grits, polenta, tamales, campfire beefy rice, beef and broccoli layered onto somebody else’s leftover noodles, beef curry, beef sandwiches soaked in jus, steak tips on day-old fries and look just give him a sloppy plate of starch and dead cow if you need him to shut up.

-Drinks vodka so cold and over-filtered it tastes like water, then follows it up with extra greasy, burnt-to-hell texas toast while talking about his mother.

-Lactose intolerant. Please do not feed the rat child pizza. Or chipped beef on toast. No, not even if he begs.

~*~

Tyreen

-Abnormally acute senses, especially hearing/smell and including a form of intuition which targets where things she can leech exist nearby. She’s only aware of any of this in the context of it being different from how Troy’s senses work. She knows where to get food. Don’t most people?

-Doesn’t perceive herself as 100% human. The Leech is part of her and she likes herself. Mama said she was perfect. The details are whatever. You got a problem here? Well, that’s easy to fix…

-Would have been sorted as a tomboy growing up, but had no companions to do so. As is, prefers the company of masculine individuals, loves showing people up in a boyish fashion and is absolutely going to tune you out if you start talking to her about the topic.

-Reeks. You might smell something “off” with her around in a meeting room, but get her sweaty or worked up and forget it. It’s not even a human smell. Petrichor and spray paint, menstrual blood and chlorine, dead leaves and solvent. It’s chemical, it’s uncannily biological. It’s really not OK. She can’t smell it and Troy’s used to it.

-Doesn’t shave. Has fluffy armpits that don’t match her dye job and a rather spectacular bush that extends onto her upper thighs. Does pluck here brows and the witch hairs on her chin, but otherwise, you know what, nah.

-Heavily tattooed, but this is limited to her torso. The viewing of said tattoos, as well as her scars, is a ritual in her particular CoV.

--Not that she cares about being naked. A body is a body. You people are so uptight.

-Will reflexively guard her lower stomach before anything else and sometimes in error. Do not call her on this. You will piss her off.

-Has an eye-shaped siren marking, but it’s on her left shoulder blade and she tends to forget it’s there. More aware of the “pointer mark” underneath her navel.

-Poor tolerance for any drugs.

-Can only ingest salt, sucrose and 80 proof or better clear alcohol without retching.

--Which is to say she doesn’t eat “people food”.

--Fatty or high-fiber foods tend to make her ill faster. She could possibly keep tofu or chicken breast down for an hour or more, but it’s still not going to end well.

--Can and does eat cinder toffee because it’s one of the few things she can chew and digest. Konpeito is nice too, but sometimes the dye upsets her stomach.

--Milk, maybe. Human works better.

-Enjoys swimming or long baths.

-Ambidextrous. Was either born that way or picked up doing certain things left-handed because that’s what her brother had to work with and she had to show him how to do stuff somehow.

-Good with a forearm-mounted crossbow. Either hand is fine.

-Used to drool precipitously when she leeched something “good”. Mostly has a handle on this by the time the CoV gets to be a thing. Mostly.

-Deeply immature love language which might include her actually asking to play with her prospective partner and a good bit of bullying.

-SHE IS NOT SHY ABOUT HER NEEDS AND KINKS. THE HELL WITH YOU. YOU’RE MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING. HOW DARE YOU. DO YOU WANT TO BE SKAG BAIT ON THE NEXT LIVESCREAM. UGH. #nottsundereatall

~*~

* The Leech IDed herself as, erm, herself in some stuff I’m not sure I’ll ever post but ANYWAY.

#borderlands 3 #headcanon post #calypso twins #troy calypso #tyreen calypso

8 notes · View notes

myrddinderwydd · 4 years

Text

Medical Questions?

@n7month Day 13: Medic

Tsiddvfira is angaran bioelectricity, and other Shelesh words can generally be determined by context - check out @angaranexpansionproject if you're interested in more.

Jaal strode smoothly through the medbay door on the Tempest, tapping the control panel to close it behind themself. The doors on the Milky Way ship still feel so wide, he thought, the sides clear even my broad shoulders with ease. So many unique peoples with different needs...

“Doctor Lexi?”

“Come in Jaal,” Lexi said, long blue fingers swiping over the display at her desk. “I’m just sending colleagues on the Nexus my notes on the blood samples you all recovered from the Kett facility.”

The reminder darkened Jaal’s thoughts and a flicker of tsiddfvira sparked on their jinesh, curving around their neck. Waiting on Doctor Lexi provided a moment for Jaal to collect their thoughts, drawing Ryder back to their mind. Should I ask her to spar with me later? Hmm, I still need to finish engraving the firaan-sword I’m making for her, too.

“Done.” Lexi stood and gestured toward Jaal’s arm as she walked to them. “Is the stab wound healing better now that you’ve replenished your supply of kawari salve?”

“Yes, I doubt that it will even scar,” Jaal replied, shrugging the injured shoulder out of the comfortable work shirt they wore, allowing the doctor to inspect the disappearing wound. “But this is not why I asked to talk with you, Doctor Lexi.”

“I know.” She smiled, and it was so much like the patient, no-nonsense smile that they’d seen so many times from their own mysen that they huffed out a soft sigh of relief. This will be simpler than I thought. “Your message said you have a question about Pathfinder Ryder.” Lexi prodded discerningly at the healed skin, nodding in approval.

“Yes. It is very important, and you are the person likely to know the answer…” Jaal resettled their shirt, wrapping the band snugly across their waist. “I want to do the right things, the best for both of us, but I am concerned it may be impossible!”

“Jaal, what are you asking about?”

“Oh.” Jaal ducked their head with a soft laugh. “I want to know if Ryder and I can be intimate. Talking with her about angaran and human biology is NOT the same as learning what to do during sex. Asking Peebee would be informative about…” Jaal hesitated. “...some things, but I don’t even know what is safe, or if we are allergic to each other’s sexual fluids!”

“I see, this makes more sense now.” Lexi crossed her arms, one elbow propped on the opposite wrist. “If any human-angaran mating has occurred already, it’s been on the lawless planets like Kadara. No one shared information with scientists on the Nexus, that is certain.”

“It is probably the same with us, Doctor Lexi. Though the many foods that we can both consume, and that we can kiss each other comfortably is a good indication of compatibility.” Ryder makes my heart sing. I must know what the possibilities are for our future. I cannot talk with her until I know more.

“True. Angara, asari, and humans have levo- amino acids, unlike the turians, though your people are quite capable of digesting both types of proteins.” Lexi hummed thoughtfully. “I can analyze samples if you’re willing Jaal, but what I really need is to talk to one of your physicians - a family doctor, ideally. A textbook isn’t going to provide the answers you need.”

“Mmm, I see. Logical, and I know just the best person.” Sending a pulse of energy at the ushataliin on their forearm took only a thought, and a brilliant blue orb appeared. Jaal twisted and swiped at the interface with light pulses of tsiddfvira from their fingers, then closed the tool with a quick downward flick. “I think that Talmali Feladyr will enjoy meeting you, and I can tell them to expect your message.”

Lexi’s omni-tool pinged quietly and she touched it to open the message. She narrowed her eyes, then tilted her head and gave Jaal a shrewd look. “Jaal, this is one of your mothers.”

“Yes, my mysentev IS our family’s physician. They’re considered the best in our daar, actually.” Mysentev has already met Ryder, and knows that I care greatly for her. It should make everything simpler to explain, I think. Why does Doctor Lexi seem surprised?

“I will do my best to find an answer for you, and not just because I think you and Ryder are good for one another.” Lexi’s wry smile was matched by a broad grin from Jaal that sent flickers of joy racing through his tsiddfvira. “On one condition.”

“Hmm?” Jaal questioned as Lexi paused, meeting their eyes with a more serious expression. Condition? I would not have expected her to ask for a favor, but...

“Talk to Ryder, Jaal. Don’t assume that she wants the same things you do. She clearly cares about you, but sex can be complicated even if both partners are the same species.” Lexi let out a sigh born of long experience. “Intimacy is even more complicated.”

Jaal’s nostrils flared slightly, edges of their jinesh sparking visibly with tsiddfvira. “Of course! What she wants is just as important as our health.”

"Exactly correct, Jaal. I am glad you came to me with these questions, too. I've had enough experimentation with Liam's food trials and Suvi's rock tasting habits."

#mass effect andromeda #angara #jaal ama darav #Rydaal #agender character #Vakara Ryder #pathfinder ryder #biology #responsible adults #tw sex #alien biology #myrddin writes things

36 notes · View notes

sixth-light · 1 year

Text

I posted 2,059 times in 2022

110 posts created (5%)

1,949 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ilikesallydonovan

@darlingofdots

@raedear

@angualupin

@starfoozle

I tagged 2,036 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#in the queue - 1,241 posts

#wheel of time - 210 posts

#wot book spoilers - 134 posts

#tumblr stuff - 90 posts

#the old guard - 89 posts

#ofmd - 89 posts

#wot tv show - 88 posts

#lgbtqia - 72 posts

#fandom - 69 posts

#fanart - 52 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#and she only asks about food in the context of 'are you having any digestive issues' and monitoring of things like iron and b vitamins

My Top Posts in 2022:

I am extremely not going to dignify that 'walkable cities ARE ableist actually' post which has crossed my dash with a reblog, but four things to keep in mind:

'Walkable cities' is almost always a shorthand for 'cities which deprioritise cars as a mode of transport and make it possible and enjoyable to travel by other modes instead', rather than a call for everybody to walk and only walk everywhere all of the time. We live in a golden age of micromobility options, for starters. And when most people do not need to use cars, it will be much easier for people who do.

Advocacy for walkable cities and active transport often does slide right into ableism and fatphobia and this needs to be directly challenged whenever it appears (as someone who has been a cycle commuter my whole adult life and overweight for all but five minutes of my whole adult life, if I never hear "if everybody cycled we would solve the '''obesity epidemic'''!!!" again...)

AT THE SAME TIME, while this will change in degree from place to place, the Venn diagram between 'people who advocate for walkable cities' and 'people who advocate for accessible cities' has a significant degree of overlap. There's probably at least one car-centric conservative out there who genuinely advocates for accessibility by the law of averages, but it's neither a coherent nor common position. Walkability IS a form of accessibility. It is not accessibility for everybody but no single kind of accessibility is, which is why we need cities with MULTIPLE kinds.

Therefore, as with goddamn near everything in life, if you actually want to see more accessible cities...advocate for more accessible cities, and what that means for you. Going 'but there are some people who will always need cars therefore walkable cities is ableist' does exactly nothing except turn people off the idea of change. Say what you want to see. Be specific. Imagine better futures. TL;DR - cui bono when we lock ourselves into "cars vs walkability"? you guessed it - people who benefit from the (observably harmful) car-prioritising status quo. so is this assertion always a cynical psy-op? No. Does it function as one in practice? fuck yes. be smarter.

2,024 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

As of the morning of 17 Jan, local time, regarding the Tonga eruption: even nearby governments have extremely limited information on what has happened/is happening on the ground. Recon flights have not yet launched. The internet is down. There are 36 inhabited islands in Tonga and there has been no confirmed contact with most of them. There has been no formal government-to-government communication. We know there was a volcanic eruption, a tsunami, and significant ashfall following. That’s a good 90% of what’s reliably known.

The impetus in these circumstances is always to “do something” but the reality is that there is almost nothing anybody outside Tonga can do right now. Quite frankly, if you don’t have a direct personal connection/knowledge I would hold off even on donating to fundraisers until there’s more clarity on what is actually needed and where that help can best come from. (It remains true as with almost all disasters that money is the best and most useful thing you can give; however, given the limited info/lack of contact and how little most people on the internet know about Tonga, this is going to be prime scammer territory.)

A lot of social media content that purports to describe local conditions is likely untrustworthy - there’s only been a few verified videos and images, because of the undersea cable being out of action. RNZ, which has an excellent and very active Pacific bureau, is being very conservative with its reporting because it does not want to promote misinformation. Just...cool your jets on this one for a few more hours or possibly couple of days, everybody. We don’t know what we don’t know.

2,343 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

I am very pleased for everybody losing their minds over Our Flag Means Death (I shall be watching it on the weekend) but if it’s alright, I’ll just be over here in the interim losing my mind that Tumblr’s new boyfriends are the Say No To Racism guy and the 2Degrees Ad Guy. 2022 is really Something Else

3,149 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

The thing that has been vexing me lately about Fantasy Historical Sexism (vs the real kind) is how it flattens out actual historical politics - particularly in the high medieval period, sexism against female rulers was a tool for people who were already their political opponents for political reasons, rather than a common primary motivator for contesting inheritance. Fairly large numbers of women in medieval Western Europe inherited estates ‘suo jure’, in their own right - not even getting into things like the political power of abbesses (who could often be those same women in retirement, or their sisters or daughters or mothers).

Historical fantasy tends to be so obsessed with having One Special Woman Who Is Fighting Sexism that it actually erases from the popular conception of history the women who were already there, and the complexity of their lives, and it’s just...very...dull.

4,379 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I think one of the things that makes OFMD feel freshest is how it balances being a romantic comedy and being queer - specifically, a romantic comedy about queer men (& Jim). Queer men are not unknown in the romantic comedy genre! But what makes the show stand out is how exceptionally careful it is to ensure that the fact of their romances, and of their queerness, is never the source of the comedy. It’s never meant to be funny that someone is queer, or that someone is in love. Coming out, even in the most casual and incidental way, is never used as a punchline.

And yet, it’s also not a utopia where stereotypes about queer people and homophobia (the things that ultimately fuel those kinds of jokes) don’t exist - they do! But every time somebody tries to make them funny, it falls completely flat. It steps outside the acceptable bounds of the genre and the characters react to it in that way. Homophobia isn’t a central obstacle, it’s a faux pas. It’s not allowed to be funny and it’s also not allowed to take up space in the narrative by being the thing the characters must overcome to get their happy ending. Which is a hell of a balancing act.

That scene with Izzy trying to mock Black Pete and Lucius is absolutely crucial to this tone. These characters know they’re in a comedy and they react to things like they’re in a comedy, but they don’t react to his mockery like it’s a joke OR like it has power to shame them. They react like Izzy is embarrassing himself by failing to read the room - like he’s a bully, but a pathetic one. You can be evil in comedies and still be funny, but Izzy is committing the cardinal sin of failing to be funny...and what that does is draw very clear boundaries around what the show is going to allow as a legitimate joke. Homophobic jokes can only be funny when the people making them have consensus from the rest of the group that they’re funny. Instead, in this show, it is clear instead that they are acts of violence and (attempted) control. Which defangs them, because the ultimate power in a romantic comedy always comes from acts of comedy. I find it extremely powerful for a queer romcom to look homophobia in the eye like this and say “nah” than either to ignore it completely, or to make it a central problem.

It’s very very smart writing and acting and it should be cited every time someone tries to whine about comedy and boundaries and not being allowed to be homophobic/transphobic any more. You can be extraordinarily funny about queer people and be received well. Queerness just can’t be the punchline.

10,662 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #tumblr stuff #oh my god I'd forgotten the 2 Degrees Ad Guy Post #little did I know what was to come #the twinkification of Rhys Darby is my supervillain origin story

15 notes · View notes

the-desolated-quill · 4 years

Text

BBC’s The War Of The Worlds blog - Episode 3

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

You know, people often ask me why I get so angry when I’m reviewing BBC shows. I mean yes I give Disney and Marvel a hard time too, but they don’t get nearly as much bile and venom as I give the BBC. Well that’s because, unlike Disney and Marvel, BBC shows are funded by the British taxpayer through our TV licence fees. I’m effectively paying for them to make this crap. That’s what pisses me off more than anything.

Yes we mercifully come to the end of this... this. Episode 1 was a slow, plodding and utterly tedious affair that was about as exciting as an Amish bachelor party. Episode 2 was even worse thanks to its poor narrative structure, terrible characterisation and less than subtle allegories. Now Harness has come to hammer the final nail in the coffin with Episode 3. Is it bad?

...

You’re right, that’s a stupid question. A more apt question would be how bad is it. Very, very bad is the answer. Very, very bad indeed.

Lets start with the obvious problem. The non-linear narrative introduced in the previous episode. The stupid early reveal that the Martians ultimately lose and that Amy survives completely destroyed any and all tension and suspense thanks to Peter Harness desperately trying to outwit the audience instead of just telling a story. Now, bizarrely, he tries to reintroduce tension by having the characters umming and arghing about what killed the Martians off and whether this could help stop the Earth from terraforming. One teeny, tiny problem with this though. The audience already know! Even those that never read the original book know how it ended! And even if you didn’t, the episode drops enough hints like great fucking boulders. The prevalence of typhoid throughout the episode and its correlation with the Martians stumbling around like a drunken prom date isn’t exactly hard to miss. Harness’ writing is still as unsubtle as ever. But worse still, he completely undermines and misses the point of the ending to War Of The Worlds.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people (mostly Americans) criticise the end of the original book for being a deus ex machina. I mean the Martians get killed off by the common cold. How stupid, right? Except it’s not because those people (mostly Americans) are looking at it the wrong way. Your main takeaway shouldn’t be that the Martians were easily killed off by bacteria. Rather that we failed to stop them. The reason humanity prevails in the end is more down to luck than anything else. The narrator even attributes this to being an act of God. But here’s the thing. We didn’t stand a chance against the Martians. We didn’t beat them. They lost because they just happened to catch a cold. Now it’s not hard to imagine a society as scientifically advanced as their’s to be able to find some kind of cure or vaccine for it. And if and when they do, what then? We’d be fucked, wouldn’t we? Should the Martians ever return to finish what they started, the human race would be well and truly doomed. It’s not a deus ex machina. It’s a dire warning of what’s to come. A brief respite before the inevitable. That’s what makes the ending so effective.

The BBC series however completely misunderstands this, changing the story so that Ogilvy (an astronomer, don’t forget) somehow manages to weaponize typhoid in order to kill the red weed, which is presented as some kind of victory, when in reality it’s quite an insulting deviation from the source material. If only the Commonwealth could shake off the remnants of British colonialism as easily as these guys dealt with the red weed. Not to mention it just makes the Martians look really stupid. So they come to Earth, drink our blood, keel over and then... what, they just give up? Are they just waiting for humanity to die by itself? What happens when Mars HQ realises the red weed hasn’t worked? What then? Are they just going to shrug it off? It doesn’t make any sense.

Which brings us to the Martians themselves. The picture above comes from the Jeff Wayne musical version and is without a doubt the most accurate depiction of the Martians from the book. Most of the other adaptations have wildly different interpretations, which isn’t a problem in and of itself provided it works within the context of that particular narrative. However the reason I bring up the original design is so I can talk about what H.G. Wells intended when he came up with them. See, while the Martians are highly intelligent, they’re also presented as being quite vestigial. They’re sluggish thanks to Earth’s heavier gravity, rendered practically deaf thanks to Earth’s dense atmosphere and apparently have no organs with which to digest their food, hence their need to inject human blood directly into themselves for sustenance. The Martians represent what humanity could become as we become more and more reliant on technology. The Industrial Revolution brought about a lot of societal fears and concerns at the time, and the Martians are those fears manifested. Heartless creatures reduced to being simple brains, unable to properly interact with the world around them.

The BBC series goes a very different route. Instead of the giant brains, we instead get giant brown crabs, which, again, isn’t necessarily a problem provided it works in context. And that’s the problem. It doesn’t. The original Wells design told us what we needed to know about their biology, their motivations and their society. What do we learn about the BBC Martians? They’re big, generic monsters that look like rejects from Stranger Things. They don’t even inject blood into themselves. They feed off of us directly, leechlike. They’re more like animals. Not the vast, cold, unsympathetic intellects they were described to be. At no point do you buy that these creatures would be capable of building the Tripods or colonising the Earth. They just exist for some cheap jump scares and horror movie cliches.

What’s worse is that by changing the Martians’ design so drastically, any subtextual allegory gets chucked in the bin. The Martians from the book are meant to represent the British Empire at the height of its power. Merciless tyrants stomping all over the lives and cultures of the so called ‘lesser races,’ changing the environment to suit them rather than adapting to the existing environment. It’s Darwinism crossed with arrogance. And yet, ironically, the oppressors (the Martians) are technically inferior to the natives (the humans) as they are incapable of surviving without the aid of technology. The BBC series is unable to make this allegory, so Harness has to resort to straight up telling the audience the allegory. In by far the clunkiest scene in the entire series, we see George argue with his brother about how the Martians are no different from the Brits in their colonial ways. Not only does this break the ‘show, don’t tell’ rule and stands as a perfect example of bad storytelling, Harness doesn’t even bother to do anything with this other than just making the comparison. It’s been previously established that Amy was born and raised in India. You’d think she’d have something to say about all this, but nope. At the end, she wistfully describes India to her son in the most patronising and insulting way possible. It’s really quite disgusting. I mean H.G. Wells was quite patronising towards the Tasmanians in the book, but in his defence, he was a privileged white man from the 1800s. What’s Peter Harness’ excuse?! Ostensibly he pays lip service to the idea that the Martians are no different from the Brits, but he doesn’t want to really explore it or get us to actually think about it. Probably because it’s all a bit too complicated to get into, but if he’s not confident about exploring such topics, why the fuck is he adapting War Of The Worlds in the first bloody place?! Write something else!

In fact I think this is the root of all the problems with this adaptation. Harness clearly isn’t capable of exploring the complex themes of the source material, so instead he either introduces irrelevant social issues that aren’t nearly as complicated (women’s rights, empires are bad and so on) as a token show of progressiveness, or he goes as far as to uncomplicate themes and ideas to an almost offensive degree. In the book, the narrator is trapped in a church with a priest who is going through a major existential crisis and risks giving away their hiding spot to the Martians, who are busy terraforming the planet. So he resorts to knocking the priest unconscious and watching as the Martians drag his body away. In the BBC series, we see the old woman and the kid get killed off for no reason other than shock value and the characters have nothing to do with their demise, so they’re morally in the clear. The priest meanwhile doesn’t even appear in the scene, instead being relegated to the shitty flash forwards where his faith remains very much intact and even protests against the idea that it’s humanity’s illness that stopped the Martians rather than an act of God (brief side note, would Ogilvy really be this open about not believing in God? At the time of the book’s publication, the scene with the priest losing faith was considered extremely controversial, so this just seems utterly wrong). Plus there’s no tension in wondering what the Martians are doing and whether they’re going to find the characters. In fact there’s no tension whatsoever because we know the Martians have fallen ill and the characters are just hanging around, waiting for the fuckers to die. I cannot stress enough how atrociously awful the writing is in this show. We know the Martians are dying and the episode is about the characters waiting for them to die.

Jesus fucking Christ!

The Artilleryman from the previous episode was the same. In the book he was a deluded crackpot who willingly bought into imperialist dogma, believing that humanity could rebuild underground and eventually rise up and defeat the Martians. In the BBC series, he was a scared, innocent little waif being forced to fight in a war he wants no part of. It’s an incredibly shallow and uninteresting reinterpretation of the source material.

But the worst, the absolute worst, is what Harness does with George.

To be clear, no I’m not upset he gets killed off. I’ve made my views on him quite clear. He cheated on his wife because she was infertile and ran off to make whoopie with some redhead. The bastard deserves everything he gets, frankly. Plus I’ve had enough of Rafe Spall’s gormless acting to last a lifetime, thank you. What I am upset by is the way he gets killed off.

One of the most interesting parts of the original book is the fact that there are no heroes in War Of The Worlds. The Artilleryman is a young, impressionable, nationalist fool, the Priest descends into a pit of nihilistic despair, and the narrator survives only by his cowardice. He even goes as far as to attempt suicide, throwing himself in front of the unbeknownst to him dead Tripod because he cannot bear the idea of living in a world like this. It’s extremely dark and very cynical. The BBC series goes a very different route. We see George slowly become delirious as a result of the typhoid infection he got by drinking the poisoned cup of water in the previous episode (so all that stuff about the Martian terraforming was a load of bollocks) before, realising that he is becoming a burden to Amy, deciding to make the supreme sacrifice and facing the lone Martian alone while she makes a run for it. Not only does this open up a major plot hole - who the fuck was Amy expecting to arrive from the North if George is dead? They try to dismiss this as memory suppression, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t apply to losing a loved one to a fucking alien - it also completely stands at odds with the themes of the book. When facing annihilation at the hands of a higher power, the arrogant Brits, who previously lived a life of privilege on the backs of millions of subjugated, reveal themselves for who they truly are at their core. The BBC series says yeah, we were a bunch of racist tosspots with delusions of grandeur, but we weren’t all bad. The main takeaway I got from this despicable, badly written series was a three hour pity party about how all those selfish POCs don’t consider the feelings of white people and asking why can’t we all just get along.

Peter Harness’ bastardisation of War Of The Worlds is without a doubt one of the worst adaptations I’ve ever seen. In fact it’s quite possibly one of the worst TV shows I’ve ever seen, period. It’s not just the sheer disregard for the source material that upsets me. It’s also the absolute amateurish nature of the whole fucking thing. This series fails in some of the most basic ways. His writing is truly terrible, somehow getting steadily worse and worse with each episode. It’s not just upsetting to see someone get the fundamental elements of storytelling so spectacularly wrong, it honestly makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Peter Harness, please, for your own sake and my sanity, stop fucking writing. You’re clearly not good at it and I don’t want to see my money go to someone who obviously hasn’t the faintest fucking idea what they’re doing. Enough is enough.

So it would seem that Jeff Wayne’s musical version remains the best adaptation of War Of The Worlds. In fact can we just have a movie adaptation of that please?

#the war of the worlds #hg wells #peter harness #bbc #review #spoilers

29 notes · View notes

tomakeitbeautifultolive · 4 years

Note

Hi, I first heard of N+A=D from your page. Ever since then I was wandering through internet to find more evidence on this theory. But the only thing I cannot digest is the lack of any concern in Ned's PoV. Honestly the only way it could've worked is with Ned not knowing about Ashara's child. Maybe Ashara was angry with him , or she wanted the best for him and spare hum the pain, either way she asked her family to keep the existence of the child's alive status a secret.Maybe that's (1)

(2) why Dany was sent away. Because Ashara wanted to keep her knowledge away from Ned. It's not you or me we are talking about here, it's Ned Stark the most honourable man in the entire solar system! In any way I can't possibly imagine any other scenario in which Ned doesn't even think about his former love and child that is alive. What do you think???

___________________________________________________

Hello! Thanks so much for the question! I definitely lean "Ned has no idea" - and that it's actually Jon Arryn who has been working behind the scenes with Ashara on his (unwitting) behalf.

While there are a few fishy things about Ned (like his weird connection to the Searlord of Braavos) that raise some questions, based on what we get in his POV - it's safest to assume that if he thought he was the father of Ashara's child, that that child died in stillbirth and Ashara, in suicide. Which is exactly why, over a decade later, he's not actively thinking of either in his POVs (I like to use myself as an example - my first boyfriend died in a car accident a little over a decade ago. I almost never think of him. So to me, it's not weird that Ned isn't dwelling on the death of his first love because he has a wife and children and the whole North and now all of the Seven Kingdoms to concern himself with).

Even people who don't believe this theory tend to speculate whether or not Ashara faked her death. Many people assume she is Septa Mordane. To which I always wonder... but why? For a casual reader who believes Ashara faked her death, what is the motivation there?

Meanwhile, I have my theory: Ashara faked her death and the death of her child to protect not just the man she loved, but the 'prince that was promised', Jon. After all, the Daynes have a heavy hand in Jon's birth, as detailed with Arthur guarding the prince and Starfall lending their milkmaid. As a lady of the court under Elia Martell and in close proximity to Rhaella, with Jon Arryn's help, it would be quite easy to fabricate a different origin story for the baby girl who donned very prominent Dayne features - which so happen to look Targaryen.

And before I get any retort about what a terrible idea that was? Yes, I get that Daenerys and Viserys ended up "on the run" at some point - but that was never the plan. Many, many children across Westeros are fostered with other families (Ned and his brother Brandon included, might I add). Daenerys was always meant to live a nice, safe, relatively cushioned life until she made it back to Dorne to wed Quentyn Martell (the pact signed by Oberyn, himself - who, based on context clues, happens to be a friend to Ashara). While Robert would’ve loved the death of the Targaryen children, it was Jon Arryn who protected them for years and years, as confirmed by Renly. So long as Jon Arryn lived, Daenerys was safe.

I'm absolutely willing to bet that prior to Brandon's death, many things were supposed to unfold differently. Such as Ned marrying Ashara. But the Rebellion happened, and Ned was forced to marry his brother's intended upon his death.

While readers have the impression that Ned is 'the most honorable man in the solar system', remember that those across Westeros had seemingly no problem buying these rumors about Ned and Ashara (Harwin, Cersei, etc) as well as his having fathered a bastard (Jon). (I mean, Cersei even tried to seduce Ned at one point!). To me, Ned is one of the most misunderstood characters in the series! Here’s why:

Honor has two different meanings, really. For modern readers, we relate it to integrity and morality, but from what I can glean from Westerosi expectations, it's more about prestige and respect, honoring one's king or duty first, even above what's morally right (that's why you see so many characters, such as the Cleganes, rewarded with gold and prestige for heinous, immoral acts).

Consider Ned's honor again while reading this quote from Aemon to Jon:

Tell me, Jon, if the day should ever come when your lord father must needs choose between honor on the one hand and those he loves on the other, what would he do?

Jon hesitated. He wanted to say that Lord Eddard would never dishonor himself, not even for love, yet inside a small sly voice whispered, He fathered a bastard, where was the honor in that? And your mother, what of his duty to her, he will not even say her name. "He would do whatever was right," he said… ringingly, to make up for his hesitation. "No matter what."

Jon hesitates. He wants to believe his father's honor is unimpeachable. Yet what he says is that Eddard would do what was right - and that's true. Ned did not choose the honorable path when he chose to save Jon's life that day - he did what was right:

Then Lord Eddard is a man in ten thousand. Most of us are not so strong. What is honor compared to a woman's love?

This hint is twofold - that there isn’t anything special about Ned, he’s subject to the same emotions as any man, especially when it comes to a certain woman’s love... and that there is a clear difference between honor and love, that they do not go hand-in-hand as many readers/viewers assume.

What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms... or the memory of a brother's smile?

Duty would've been to Ned’s king - handing over his nephew upon his discovery. Duty would've been telling his wife the truth. Instead, the most important thing to Ned - even above his own life - was the love and memory of his sister. Which is why, even if he's completely oblivious to his bastard daughter's identity - he cannot stomach the death of another innocent child at the hands of his king. He knows what will happen to Jon if ever the secret comes out, because he had witnessed it with Aegon and Rhaenys. Likewise, the life of one innocent child - Daenerys - means more to him than does his honor, which is why he quits his position as Hand. Ned is not the pinnacle of honor nor has he ever been, but he strives to be the pinnacle of morality and justice, often at the cost of his honor and respect.

I'll leave you with this, as I might've just had a tiny little revelation. When first asked about whether or not the books would end differently from the show, GRRM decides to give us a strange comparison:

"Book or show, which will be the 'real' ending? It's a silly question. How many children did Scarlett O'Hara have?"

This subtle suggestion might actually insinuate something huge - that perhaps a certain character will have more children in the books than their show counterpart... 🤔 Such an insignificant detail in one series could result in shockwaves in another.

Combining that with GRRM's latest comments about the books having a different ending, it's certainly food for thought! And, assuming Daenerys is Ned's bastard daughter, this force of power that uses her moral compass to guide her all the way back home to save the world... what would the perfect ending be for such a character? Becoming queen or going mad? Somehow, I don’t think so.

Considering there has been much more foreshadowing for Daenerys pining for a simple life and for love rather than queenship or madness (🙄)... I still say her perfect ending is to do what her father, in this case, never could - choosing love over honor.

Thanks again for the question, it’s been my honor to indulge in my favorite theory once again! 🌠🐺

#answered #n+a=d #dayne heiress #asoiaf theories #tumblr really got rid of their line breaks did they?

9 notes · View notes

goron-king-darunia · 4 years

Note

Annon-Guy: Thank you Darunia. Glad you like the fanfic. What did you like? Any advise on how I can improve?

I liked that there was closure to Alice’s and Decus’s stories beyond what the game gave us. It never really addressed what happened to their bodies and that’s definitely something that bothered me about Aster, too, so that’s something nice to do for the people who like Alice and Decus and want that closure. The rhythm of speech (it’s hard to explain) was a bit stilted. Your writing style has a little bit of an amateurish feel to it. It’s not really something I can tell you how to fix other than by saying you should reflect on what kinds of things you like to read and go over them critically to see what they do and why they do it and if it’s something you want to add to your writing skillset. If it’s just for fun or for a hobby, you’re fine as you are. But to speak metaphorically for a moment, your fic does read the same way “beginner” art looks. You played around with your basic toolbox, but you have no real style yet. Practice makes perfect, so if you’re looking for tips on improvement in this department, all I can say is write more! :D Try free verse poetry (that is, non-rhyming poetry) to play with your vocabulary a bit. Short snippets that have an impact. You can also work on “setting the scene.” Part of the reason your work feels a little amateurish is that you’re telling the story flat-out. And it reads that way. I feel like I’m having something told to me by a stranger on a train trying to pass the time. Setting the scene can help you immerse readers. Try practicing this by sitting in your room or at your workstation and describing it in writing. What can you see? What do you hear? Are there any smells? Are there any physical sensations? Is there anything you taste? Example: I’m in my bed right now. The room is pitch dark except for the dim light of my faux fireplace, giving off a warm ambient glow. The breeze from my window is pleasantly crisp and refreshingly cool for a warm spring evening, and the breeze from my ceiling fan makes my hair tickle my cheeks. I still smell the soap wafting off my hands, a floral fragrance, and my lips still taste like grapefruit soda. My computer screen is the brightest thing, and the contrast with my surroundings makes everything else melt away. The keys clack under my fingers and the crickets outside are drowned out by the whir of my computer fan. This sets the scene much more than me saying “I’m in my room and typing to you.” Now obviously you don’t want to front-load all this information at once. But when you let it trickle in, especially when you first establish a location, this can help. Focus on what’s important to know about the scene. If your characters are in a cave, is it a nice cave? Show is by describing how pretty the light is, streaming through cracks in the stone overhead. Is the cave scary? Describe how scary it is by telling us that the darkness is oppressive and the damp, musty smell within is threatening to suffocate us. Focus on what characters are doing too and relate their physical sensations to us. Setting the scene works best when you break it up with dialogue. Example: Marta walked after Emil into the Camberto Caves. The plinking drip of water was welcoming, and the water reflected the sunlight that streamed in through gaps in the stone overhead. “Do you really think we’ll find rosemary here?” she asked Emil. “I hope so,” Emil replied meekly. The mud in flooded sections of the cave squelched beneath their boots, and the bitter herbaceous and earthy scents of the cave changed every time they turned a corner. This reads a lot more eloquently than just saying “Emil and Marta went to the Camberto Caves and looked around, trying to find rosemary.” Now this is general advice, but if anyone reading this is thinking “But I don’t know a lot of big words!” or “I can’t write like that! I can never think of nice words to use!” Don’t worry. It just takes practice and patience and a little bit of reading. Follow a word blog here on Tumblr and learn some new words, or have someone beta read your fiction to give you advice on word choices. Or read some of your favorite books and learn new words from that. The only thing I can say is DON’T JUST LOOK UP A SYNONYM FOR A WORD AND USE IT INSTEAD OF A SIMPLER WORD. If you want to improve your vocabulary, you can’t always trust what a thesaurus will tell you. Big and large both mean pretty similar things but muttered and whispered don’t mean the same thing. Muttered implies it was said in a low register, but still with a speaking voice. Whispered implies a shrill, breathy exchange of words. Not to mention that there are connotations for things. “Retort” for example, does mean “response” but it’s a loaded word. Response just means you said something and someone else said something back. But a “retort?” Usually, that means someone is being sarcastic. “You’re really something,” Richter responded. versus “You’re really something,” Richter retorted. In the first one, Richter is neutral. He may even be praising someone. In the second one, “You’re really something” is implied to be derisive or insulting. You will learn more by reading but just know there’s a big difference between an aroma, a scent, and a stench. The first is pleasant, the second is neutral, and the third is negative implying disgust. The aroma of a rose, the scent of salt air, the stench of dead fish. The connotation is just as important if not more important than actual definitions so look for words in context and try to master that. Finally, my main issue with your fanfic. Dialogue is hard to process when it’s all stacked together in a paragraph. It makes it easier to lose track of who’s saying what and requires clunky and repetitive taglines to even begin to understand it. The rule of thumb is that when you write dialogue and a new person speaks, you give them their own paragraph. “Is the food good?” Emil asked, fishing for a compliment. “It’s delicious!” Marta responded with a smile. When the dialogue is only two people, it can continue like this. “Pass the salt please.” He said. “Of course.” She slid the salt shaker closer to him. “Thanks. “No problem at all!” Because we established an order in the first section (Emil first, then Marta) we know that the “he” refers to Emil in the third line, and the “she” in the fourth line refers to Marta. When Emil speaks next, there is no tagline at all, but we know it’s Emil because it’s on a separate line just how we know the last line must be Marta again. If you diversify their speaking styles enough, you’ll always be able to tell who’s speaking, even when there are three or more people. However, it’s always best to introduce someone when they join the conversation, either by name or by a description of appearance, and once three or more people are conversing, it’s much easier to digest if every line of dialogue gets a tagline to remind us who’s speaking. Example. Richter took the salt shaker when Emil was done with it. “It’s weird. All of us eating together.” “Maybe.” Emil simpered. “But it’s also kind of nice.” “It would be less awkward if you weren’t always trying to kill me,” Marta said coldly. “M-Marta!” “It’s alright, Emil.” Richter patted the blond's shoulder. “It’s not like I don’t deserve it.” This is a complex bit of dialogue, but it tells us enough to understand. I start the first line with Richter taking the salt shaker. This indicates that he’s the one speaking. The second line is noticeably Emil because of the tagline. We know he says both “Maybe.” and “But it’s also kind of nice.” because that dialogue is linked to his tagline in the same paragraph. The third line is attributed to Marta in the same way. The fourth line has no tagline, but because Emil is known to stutter and because the next line is Richter, we know that it can’t be Marta and it can’t be Richter so we have both context and knowledge of Emil’s speaking habits to tell us who’s talking. And finally, we have Richter speaking again. This isn’t the only way to write dialogue, but this is one of the easiest ways to write it in a way that is understandable for most audiences. You can get away with other ways of writing dialogue, but it’s almost never a good choice to write a long string of dialogue among several speakers in a single paragraph. That’s all I really have to say! Sorry if it’s a bit long! For a first or very early fic, though, I liked your fanfic well enough! But I’ve been writing for years and this is the sort of advice that helped me improve beyond just being a hobbyist. I’ve won contests in my time and I didn’t get where I am by accident, so if you’re looking to go the distance and be the real deal? Consider my advice. If you’re just looking to have fun? Then fuck everything I just said. Forget every word. If writing for you is just for fun? Then do whatever makes YOU happy.

#Letters from Annon Guy #critique #writing critique #writing advice #Anonymous #ask GKD

2 notes · View notes

theamberfang · 4 years

Text

Journal 393: Successes

I’ve been liking how I’ve been describing my accomplishments from the day first, highlighting some positives first—as opposed to focusing on negative stuff that I “failed to do”—so I’ll be keeping that up. I successfully managed to work a little bit more on my WIP story. I also managed to arrange more specific details when it comes to hanging out with my friend later this week.

About my story, I mostly reorganized the headers a bit and added a few words explaining what I was doing (to no one in particular; honestly, I mostly wanted to fill up space.) I did manage to start getting into explaining the primary “gimmick” of my story—that a minority of the population is “allergic” to technology—but I still want to detail how it generally stands in for various types of class struggle, as well as some context that I’m looking at from US History.

Regarding that date with my friend, I started it by asking if she felt well enough to do the movie thing and saying that I’d be okay with just hanging out at, like, her house or whatever. I think she’s also had it on her mind, because she jumped in asking about when we would do it, since she’ll be busy on the coming Sunday. We ended up agreeing on Thursday. Lastly, I asked for her address, and I learned that she lives a lot closer now (compared to several years ago.) Oh, and she also decided on afternoon tickets. The only thing I’m not 100% certain on is the movie theater, but considering she doesn’t live that far from me [now], I figure the theater she has in mind would be the same one that I do.

*(I suppose it’s fair enough to call it that, but, to be clear, we haven’t established it as anything romantic and there hasn’t been anything to indicate that I should expect it to be.)

Circadian Shift

Something else I want to note is that I’m writing this at about 20:30 because I actually feel pretty tired right now. I’m thinking that fasting yesterday may have reset some things other than my digestive system. Though, it could also just be my body being unsure how to spend its energy after being deprived of food for much of yesterday.

Oh yeah, as for the whole reason I decided to fast for a day in the first place, I think it solved whatever was going on. I didn’t notice any sort of pain, or even discomfort, in my abdomen.

I also thought of another possible problem that was causing my discomfort: I may have simply been eating too much. It’s probably something that would sound absurd if you were to look at me, but I’ve consistently been eating a bunch of fiber with the majority of my meals, and my breakfasts in particular (thanks to my mom) have been particularly hearty. Despite this, I had also still been eating three meals a day because my mom considers that to be normal, but I honestly don’t think I need to eat that much.

And I just remembered another possible reason that might make even more sense. I think I might have been overtaxing my liver/kidneys (whichever does this job) by taking my general multivitamin with the same meal as a calcium supplement. It might have just been too many minerals to process all at once. Also, if I hadn’t explained it here before, my mom already has these calcium supplements, and I noticed that I haven’t been getting much calcium lately since I stopped drinking milk. Once I noticed that*, I began craving calcium in much the same way I’ve craved iron or sodium in the past. So I’ve been taking some of my mom’s calcium supplements, after asking her, of course.

*(It could be the other way around: having the cravings and then figuring out why I had them. It doesn’t really matter in the end.)

Whimsy List

DBSA

Some of that editing and/or finish up that Outlook

Khan Academy

Socialize

Journal

#daily journal #personal

1 note · View note

bubblegumwitchswriting · 6 years

Text

Kiss Me

Pairing: Will/Nico

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921496

Summary: Nico accidentally kisses Will and has to face the consequences.

Nico had thought he was good at keeping secrets. Nico had thought he was good at controlling his emotions. Nico had thought he had very good self-control. But then he’d accidentally kissed Will Solace and now he had to revise his opinion of his abilities.

It was a stupid mistake. One stupid, tiny, little mistake. It was Will’s fault for being so beautiful. It was his fault for being so weak.

And now Will was ignoring him.

He turned up at breakfast, late and unwilling. Will was quiet, his head ducked low as his siblings chatted around him. He looked up to reach for the juice and his eyes accidentally caught Nico’s. Nico felt his heart jump into his throat. Will’s cheeks just grew red and he looked away.

Nico didn’t have much of an appetite that morning.

Nico tried to hide out in his cabin but sooner or later he knew he had to emerge. As a Cabin Leader he had duties, and that afternoon he was supposed to be helping to organise some event for Chiron. With Will. Normally Nico wouldn’t have minded working with his friend, but this time the prospect of seeing Will after the kiss had him dragging his feet the entire way.

Will was already in the Big House when Nico got there. He smiled at Nico when Nico finally showed up, but his smile was all wrong. Will looked totally different: small and nervous. Nico knew he should have addressed what had happened but he couldn’t find the words. It hung over their heads, the elephant in the room. They worked in silence for the most part, which felt like a lead weight in Nico’s stomach. Whenever they had to speak they were oddly formal, in a way they’d never been, even when they hadn’t known each other all that well.

When Will asked for a pen he struggled to meet Nico’s eyes, and stumbled over his words. In any other context that would probably have been endearing, cute even, but now Will’s uneasiness felt like a spike in his chest. They accidentally brushed hands when Nico passed it over and Will snatched his hand back like he’d been electrocuted, blushing furiously.

Nico’s hands were shaking and he was torn between wanting to tell Will he was sorry and kissing him again. Being near Will was confusing, and eventually Nico made his excuses and left.

Nico was used to running from his problems so when he realised he’d been down to inspect rooms with Will, he tried swapping with Connor. Connor was having none of it.

The silence was once again awkward and pressing. In Cabin Eleven, Will tripped over an abandoned controller. Nico grabbed him before he could fall, fingers tight around Will’s arm. He didn’t let go for a split second too long, and Will pulled himself out of Nico’s grip. Nico swallowed, panicked. Will had never had a problem with Nico touching him before.

He’d apologised for the kiss! Will had to know he didn’t usually go around kissing people.

“I’m not going to kiss you again if that’s what you’re worried about,” Nico snapped, words too sharp because he was on edge and uneasy.

Will looked at him. His eyes were surprisingly frosty.

“Cecil,” he called.

Cecil had been walking past the doorway but he paused, an eyebrow raised and worry in his eyes.

“Tell your brother to get down here.”

Cecil took one look at the set of Will’s shoulders and nodded. Will practically fled, leaving Nico very much alone in the middle of Cabin Eleven, holding the clipboard so tight he thought it might break.

The week dragged by. He was furious with Will, furious with himself. Kissing Will was the biggest mistake of his life and he wished he could take it back. He didn’t even care anymore that Will wasn’t in love with him. He just wanted his friend back.

The campfire used to be the highlight of his week. He complained it was cheesy and insisted he was only there under sufferance. But secretly he loved it. He liked the rare occasions when he got to hear Will sing, which was seldom the case since he used to leave actually leading the campfire to one of his siblings. He liked watching the fire dance and reflect in Will’s eyes and hair. He really liked the marshmallows. Setting up never used to be a chore either, because he’d liked spending time with Will.

When he turned up, Kayla was already there doing all the jobs Nico usually did. Will was a little way off, laughing at something Malcolm had said. He looked like his old self: beautiful and bright. Nico felt like he’d been shocked, a stab of wild jealously and fierce longing for his best friend back piercing through him. He stormed down to the campfire and took over from a surprised Kayla.

“You don’t have to help,” Will said quietly, all traces of humour gone.

Nico just shrugged. But he felt unwelcome and he soon enough went back to his cabin. He stayed there all evening, trapped alone in the dark and wishing he had Will with him.

“You’ve got to talk to him,” Lou Ellen said. Nico had only left his cabin because he could no longer hold back the hunger pains and was slightly worried his stomach had started digesting itself. He didn’t appreciate being ambushed by Will’s friends. He tried to shrug her off but Lou Ellen was persistent.

“You’re both miserable,” she pointed out.

“It’s Will’s problem,” Nico said nastily. “Maybe he should be apologising to me. I’ve already done my bit.”

The words were bitter and angry and so wrong, but they left his mouth and it was too late to take them back. Lou Ellen looked disappointed but she did leave him alone to get his food and retreat back to the darkness of his cabin.

Nico didn’t get it. Will didn’t mind ____ and _____ dating, and he’d never shown any uneasiness around Nico before. Will having a problem with Nico seemed out of character, but Nico couldn’t think of any other explanation for Will’s behaviour. Will probably hated him now, was scared Nico would kiss him again and disgusted by the prospect. He probably never wanted to see Nico’s face again.

Nico realised he’d been squeezing his can of coke a little too hard and he’d caught his hand on a sharp bit of metal. He didn’t have any plasters, but he figured the bleeding would stop soon enough.

Ten minutes later and he was starting to get a little worried. He’d pressed a tissue against the cut but it was soon soaked through, no traces of white left. He weighed up the pros and cons of never being able to use his sword hand again but he’d now gone through two tissues and he couldn’t really convince himself that he didn’t need the infirmary anymore.

He made the journey last two times longer than it should have, praying every step of the way that the healer on duty wasn’t Will. Either the gods weren’t listening, or they enjoyed torturing him because when he opened the door and slipped inside the warm interior, Will was there sorting through medicines.

He turned, noticed Nico’s hand. Nico tried to explain but his mouth seemed to be glued shut. Will didn’t speak either, just got a pair of gloves and gestured that Nico should sit.

When Will took Nico’s hand, gently and carefully, Nico thought he was going to suffocate. His chest was suddenly so tight and his eyes were burning and more than anything he wanted Will back, his Will who laughed and joked, not this silent serious doctor Will.

“You need stiches,” Will said. “Hold on.”

Nico didn’t look as Will sorted out his hand, not because he was squeamish but because he couldn’t stand to look at his former-friend. The electric lights showed the pallor underneath Will’s tan, the circles under his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Nico whispered.

Will’s mouth was a tight line. His hands were shaking, so it was probably lucky he’d finished fixing closing the cut.

“I missed you,” Nico tried, when Will didn’t respond. “I want things to go back to the way they were.” His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper and he was so scared Will was going to push him away again, tell him to get out. If he did, Nico wasn’t sure he could deal with that.

“I want that too,” Will said eventually.

“I’m sorry I kissed you,” Nico said. “But can’t we just forget it happened? Start again?”

Will had been quiet and small but suddenly he rounded on Nico, eyes burning.

“Right. Just forget it. Sure, why not? After all it was a mistake.”

Nico was a bit confused by his ire. Will might as well have stabbed him: the feeling in his chest was the same.

“I know,” Nico said miserably, desperately. “I said it was a mistake. I said I was sorry. I don’t get what you want from me.”

“I want you to kiss me!” Will said suddenly. His words were like an explosion. His expression was frustrated and he blazed momentarily, furious and frantic. Then his eyes went wide and the panic set in. Before Nico could stop him he was turning and starting towards the door.

Nico was watching him go and wasn’t doing anything because he was too shocked. Then Will’s words finally registered and he realised they had been having two very different conversations and suddenly he was running too.

He grabbed Will’s arm at the door and spun him round.

“I get it,” he said. “Will I’m so sorry. I like you. I really like you. I like that you’re so kind and you always think of others and never asks for thanks. I like your hair and your stupid face. I like you.”

Will was staring at him, eyes blank.

“But-“

“You didn’t kiss me back! I thought you didn’t like me. I didn’t want to lose you and I thought if I pretended it was a mistake we could still be friends.”

Will was still staring. He looked like he was torn between laughing and crying.

“You’re an idiot Di Angelo,” Will said but he sounded more fond and frustrated than truly angry. “I didn’t kiss you because I was shocked. I never thought you’d like me. And then you said it was a mistake. That hurt so much.”

Against the night, Will didn’t blaze like he normally did all golden and bright like the sun. Instead he was softer: more vulnerable. Nico had done that. Nico had hurt him. The thought made him sick.

“I thought you hated me for kissing you,” Nico said. “I thought you’d never want to talk to me again.”

“I’m really sorry for ignoring you,” Will whispered. “I could have handled that better. I just didn’t get how you could kiss me one minute and tell me it was a mistake the next.”

Nico took a step closer. The stars were bright behind Will, but not quite as bright as the tentative light in Will’s eyes. Nico thought that the light might be hope. It made his chest feel about a billion times lighter.

“So to be clear,” Nico said, “you don’t mind if I kiss you? Only you’re kind of really beautiful right now.”

Will still looked like he still wasn’t sure if he wanting to be laughing or crying, but he shook his head and threaded his fingers through Nico’s.

“I don’t mind,” he said softly. “In fact, I kind of insist.”

Nico smiled, stood up on tiptoes and kissed Will.

This time Will kissed him back.

#kiss me #3 days timeline #Nico di Angelo #will/nico #will solace/nico di angelo #Will solace #solangelo #Percy Jackson and the Olympians

30 notes · View notes

guitarboard42-blog · 5 years

Text

What Thyroid Blood Tests to Get & How to Interpret Them

When it comes to thyroid blood testing, there’s a lot of confusion. For those newly diagnosed. For veterans like myself. And especially for those who manage to never get an official diagnosis, but still feel like a hot mess.

After dealing with my own Hashimoto’s for a decade, I’ve gotten a little better about glancing at my numbers and being able to evaluate what it means about the state of my endocrine system. But it’s taken years of practice, and many far more knowledgable practitioners helping me advocate for myself, get the right panels one, and interpret the results properly.

Even though The Wellness Project has helped me manage my symptoms, the state of my thyroid is still a moving target, one that I try to check in with on paper every few months. I get a full thyroid panel to check my levels quarterly, which helps me tie some of my changing symptoms to my thyroid function and ensure I’m medicating properly through food and supplements.

I’ve been meaning to share the in’s and out’s of thyroid function testing for some time–what panels to request, and how to interpret the end results–but I’m glad I waited until I had one of those far more knowledgable practitioners willing to help me clue you in on the best course of action!

We’re so lucky to have Jill Grunewald as our guide for this portion of the #HashiPosse journey. She’s a Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach, founder of Healthful Elements, and most importantly, co-author of the fabulous resource: The Essential Thyroid Cookbook.

Read on for the biggest mistakes practitioners make when it comes to testing your thyroid, and Jill’s amazing advice for how to advocate for yourself at the doctor’s office. And if you’re in need of thyroid-friendly recipes, make sure to pick up her book!

With health and hedonism,

Phoebe

The Best Thyroid Blood Tests to Ask For and How to Read Them

It’s a common yet unfortunate scenario.

You don’t quite feel like yourself, so you go to the doctor. Fatigue, constipation, dry skin, and stubborn weight gain have been your constant companions for too long. Perhaps you’re frequently cold and your brush is revealing just how much hair you’re losing.

Your doctor may isolate these symptoms (with an anti-depressant, laxative, or a suggestion to “eat less and work out harder”). Or he or she may say, “Let’s check your thyroid.” (Right answer.)

“Checking” can have vastly different meanings, again, depending on the doctor’s worldview.

Many medical professionals (endocrinologists included) operate under the conventional medical conviction that low thyroid function (hypothyroidism) can be diagnosed via one blood test and one blood test only: thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), a pituitary hormone that tells the thyroid to do its job.

But TSH can be “normal” in the face of raging hypothyroidism. It’s not wholly irrelevant, but it tells a small part of the story and should always be taken in the context of other thyroid hormones. (More on this in the chart below.)

Regarding the evaluation of TSH as a sole indicator of what kind of shape your thyroid is in, women’s health expert, Aviva Romm, MD states, “In a world where medical over-testing is rampant, I have to say, I find myself confounded by the fact that so many physicians are resistant to ordering anything but a TSH … as the first form of evaluation, when from a scientific and medical standpoint, that test can be normal and there can still be a low functioning thyroid. It’s outdated medical dogma to order solely this test.”

To add a third layer to this story, many doctors utilize outdated lab reference ranges—those parenthetical numbers next to your lab value that tell you whether you’re within the acceptable range.

This type of thyroid “treatment” leaves many un- or under-diagnosed.

“You may be told you have borderline thyroid problems or sub-clinical thyroid disease and your doctor will watch it,”says Dr. Mark Hyman. “What will he or she watch for? For you to get really sick?”

These archaic practices cast aside a vast group of people who often have subclinical hypothyroidism, meaning they will experience a bevy of symptoms, yet only see slight changes in their TSH blood labs.

An equally important layer: the antibodies that show the presence of Hashimoto’s/autoimmune hypothyroidism–thyroid peroxidase antibody (TPOAb) and thyroglobulin antibody (TgAb)–are tests that are infrequently performed.

You deserve to know if you have Hashimoto’s, which indicates thyroid tissue attack.

It’s estimated that a whopping 97 percent of people with hypothyroidism have Hashimoto’s. And it’s been shown that once you have one manifestation of autoimmunity—any manifestation—if it goes unmanaged, the likelihood of developing yet another autoimmune condition is significantly increased.

By using old guidelines and limited thinking, conventional medicine glosses over the millions who suffer with low thyroid function.

As the saying goes, “Don’t guess, test.” It’s important to do the right tests and to evaluate your labs based on the functional reference ranges, not antiquated ranges that often lead to misdiagnosis, mistreatment, and the passage of time with continued suffering.

Here’s a Cheat Sheet for the Top Issues in Thyroid Blood Testing:

Telltale symptoms, thyroid not suspect (or tested)

Testing TSH only

Using outdated reference ranges

Not testing for thyroid antibodies (TPOAb and TgAb)

Why is the Thyroid So Important?

The thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland in your neck below your Adam’s apple and is hailed as “the master gland” of our complex and interdependent endocrine (hormonal) system. It’s the spoon that stirs our hormonal soup. It produces several hormones, with tri-iodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4) being the most critical to our health.

Given that our endocrine system is responsible for growth, reproduction, energy, and repair and the thyroid is largely at the helm of this complex and interdependent system, an underfunctioning thyroid can have profound implications for the whole body.

Thyroid hormones transport oxygen into your cells and are critical for energy production. Every cell in the body has receptors for thyroid hormone and the thyroid is a master toggle that flips on the genes that keep cells doing their jobs.

It’s the boss of our metabolism and an underactive thyroid can affect weight, mental health, and heart disease risk.

Thyroid hormones affect our health systemically and directly act on the brain, the gastrointestinal tract, the cardiovascular system, bone metabolism, red blood cell metabolism, gall bladder and liver function, steroid hormone production, glucose metabolism, protein metabolism, neuromuscular function, digestion, and body temperature regulation.

Given the thyroid’s far-reaching impact, it’s not difficult to understand how misdiagnosis and under-diagnosis is nothing short of a public health concern.

You Are Your Best Advocate

If you have a cluster of symptoms pointing to hypothyroidism (find a list here), listen to your body and trust your intuition. Managing hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s is an exercise in becoming the CEO of your health.

Reject the notion that TSH alone determines your thyroid status.

Don’t allow your doctor to use outdated lab reference ranges or to neglect testing for the antibodies that could reveal Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.

Arm yourself with the right information. Use the chart below as a cheat sheet. You can use this to get a new set of labs or to compare values with any recent labs you’ve done.

This is what I feel are the most clinically relevant thyroid tests and reference ranges. Ask your doctor for a “full thyroid panel”and make sure the following are included:

Lab

Functional reference range

Free T3 (FT3)3.2 – 4.2 pg/mLFree T4 (FT4)1.1 – 1.8 ng/dLReverse T3 (RT3)90 – 350 pg/mL or < 10:1 ratio RT3:FT3Thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH)0.9 – 2.0 mU/LThyroid peroxidase antibody (TPOAb)< 4 or negativeThyroglobulin antibody (TgAb)< 4 or negative

Some important notes:

T3 is “the big daddy” of thyroid hormones and the most metabolically active, affecting almost every physiological process. The “free” in front of T3 (and T4) tells you what is available and unbound and therefore usable by the body.

Reverse T3 is just that—the “reverse” of T3. It blocks thyroid receptors and can cause patients to be unresponsive or resistant to T3. When the body is in conservation mode due to stress, including fatigue, nutritional deficiencies, or infection, it will reroute thyroid hormones. You want RT3 low, and high RT3 is often brought about by intense or prolonged periods of stress. RT3 is typically high in people with more advanced adrenal dysfunction (aka HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis dysfunction). You can see that there are two metrics in the chart above for RT3; while RT3 alone is an indicator of thyroid hormone resistance, calculating your RT3: FT3 ratio can also provide information on thyroid status. Click here www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/rt3-ratio/ to calculate your RT3:FT3 ratio.

According to many in the functional medicine community, anyone with TSH over 2.0 is hypothyroid, although TSH is an overall poor marker of thyroid function and should always be taken in the context of other thyroid labs, especially given that TSH can be normal in the face of low thyroid function.

This was a guest post courtesy of the wonderful Jill Grunewald, HNC, Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach, and founder ofHealthful Elements, is a thyroid health, Hashimoto’s, and alopecia (autoimmune hair loss) specialist and co-author of the #1 best selling Essential Thyroid Cookbook.

Have more questions about interpreting thyroid labs? Ask away in the comments section!

Source: https://feedmephoebe.com/what-thyroid-blood-tests-to-get-how-to-interpret-them/

1 note · View note