#and she’s never hurt me on purpose

[whatthefuckisneurotypical]

wow. um. you know you’re traumatized when you see a tiktok of a mom surprising her daughter by being at her wedding dress fitting, and your first thought is “oh ABSOLUTELY not, FUCK that, that would be TERRIBLE.” like. the idea of my mom surprising me by showing up at a wedding dress fitting makes me upset and anxious and just sounds all-around awful. she would be intruding and overstepping her bounds and being presumptuous in that situation. it wouldn’t be cute or funny for me. it would just fucking suck.

#but like. my bio dad or my step dad or any of either of their parents would be fucking AWESOME!! #but like. my mom? or her parents? NO. just NO. #i don’t know man #i have therapy tomorrow #i’ll talk to hayden about it then #but like. it’s all so much. #idk it feels like my relationship with my mom is just crumbling to pieces lately #and it’s not my fault but like. at least when i was still pretending things were fine i could make myself believe that we were okay #now i just keep looking around and seeing how many things aren’t really black #they’re just fucking burnt. #and it sucks you know? that’s my MOM #she’s supposed to be all of these wonderful things #we’re supposed to have such a great relationship #but like. we don’t. we never have. i don’t trust her. #and she’s never hurt me on purpose #but i have to specify ‘on purpose’ #whatever. i’m gonna talk with my therapist about it tomorrow. #i’m gonna go make hot chocolate now. #rea rambles

[onaperduamedee]

Moiraine and Rand, alone again, naturally - 1x08 || 2x06

#The Wheel of Time #wot show spoilers #wotedit #wot on prime #moiraine damodred #rand al'Thor #wot s2 spoilers #wot season 2 spoilers #wheel of time s2 spoilers #wheel of time season 2 spoilers #mygifs: wot #you're a cool one #never not feral about them and all the parallels between them #it makes me so sad that yet again the both of them are going into this finale thinking they are better off without their friends #at some point someone will have to gently shake them and tell them they matter outside of how they can serve others #but hey today's not the day and I feel such a sad bean about them #what hurts the most with Moiraine is that she's so convinced there is no point in trying to make herself more palatable for others #she might burn everything and everyone as long as she can accomplish her purpose #and now she can't even do that #to say I'm worried about her is putting it mildly #Rand at least is drawn toward his friends because it makes him feel good still #light you can see the relief with Mat and the disappointment when Mat didn't turn up #Moiraine's just like 'I don't deserve anything good ever again' #although the Barty convo is a step in the right direction

[fivveweeks]

rika please let me rematch the e4 

#pokemon sv #pokemon scarvi #pokemon rika #pokemon larry #pokemon hassel #draws #i have reached phase two of simp insanity which is i start shitposting w my favs #look rika is suave and all but then i remember she's probably in her mid-20s #and that makes her 200% funnier #me when i lose the champion assessment on purpose #for the 47th time #rika is sick of seeing my face in the league lobby HAHA #IM ALSO NEVER DRAWING HOT LARRY AND HASSEL AGAIN #MY HANDS HURT

[in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene]

I think Slay the Princess is so popular partially because the *gets stabbed* "I'm in love" reaction is both intentional on the part of the developers and then they completely follow through on it.

#slay the princess #me @ the Razor: I love you so much and you're so hot and funny and– *gets stabbed again* #and then! the little Voices agree that they're kinda into it too! fantastic game! A+! kill me again beautiful woman! #they managed to make even the Princess's most terrifying grotesque forms the most beautiful fictional women I've ever seen #while never sacrificing the horror elements. if anything the horror and gore and monstrosity makes her even more attractive #like they get it. the inherent eroticism of being trapped in a time loop made with the sole purpose of getting one of us to kill the other #and then killing and hurting and dying and struggling together over and over and over until finally breaking free #she hurts us and we are but a receptacle for the pain. she hunts us like prey and swallows us whole. we beat each other to #death for the thrill of it and keep on going long past when we should've died. she torments us until our heart stops from terror. #we see her as a dominating goddess and she becomes one. she knows what our organs look like. her bloated corpse once drowned us. #we lie at the foot of the stairs to freedom with broken backs because we betrayed her so badly she could only betray us in turn #and don't even get me started on the amazing intimacy/violation of the Spectre/Wraith possession stuff #and we (both the player and the Long Quiet) love her for it and through it

[amaraudermind]

Something something Bruce love Gotham because it's his home, jason loves Gotham because it's in his soul, Duke loves Gotham because it's his family, Steph loves Gotham on purpose

#the void screams #duke thomas #bruce wayne #jason todd #stephanie brown #each member of the batfam having a complicated relationship with gotham is something that can be so personal- #but yeah bruce loves gotham because this is where his family has always lived. leaving would mean leaving them behind. #he loves gotham because it's the only home he's ever known #i don't know what fucked up tether there is between gotham and jason. compells me though. #even when he leaves he can't stay away along. gotham's in his head. in his soul. it's where he's alive and it's where his life is drained #the people of gotham are duke's family and he wants to protect them the way they've always tried to protect him #the city is the people and duke knows these people. he's one of them. he's seen what they go through to survive because #he goes through it too. he loves gotham because it's his whole world. his family. and he'll protect that family #until he dies. #steph though? steph grew up here and hated it. hated the city. resented the people. resented the heroes. #and still every fibre of her being goes into loving this city. into hoping for it. #on purpose. she's going to love this city on purpose. even when it hurts. even when she'd rather die. #even when the whole CITY turns against her. time and again. because she's already decided. #she's going to love gotham. even if gotham never loves her back. #don't mind me i am just rambling nonsensically. i am right though by the way. it doesn't make sense but it's Correct

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man

#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting #i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man #but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything #but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn #and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her #and i like she/her but it hurts rn #bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing #but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose #and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her #when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is #but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her #thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her #and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it #anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body #or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over #… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great #back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs) #and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience #but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is #anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes #for 2 years ago #sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol #gn y’all

[natjennie]

feeling a little uhh bad rn

#my sister straight up was basically like 'you talk about ghosts all the time and its so annoying' #like hm. #interesting. #ok i'll never say anything about something i like again. #my family will abide me being obsessed with something for as long as its novel #when its new theyre like aw its so cute she cares about something #but when im months deep and it takes over my brain #then its 'god i wish you would talk about anything else' #and like. yeah i get it. #i totally get it. but im not doing it on purpose #and when you shut me down like that it actually uhhh really fucking hurts #anyway.

[fslurusami]

you know how sometimes theres some popular character and most of the fanstuff is mostly accurate on the surface but you personally have some lived experience shared w this character that enables you to have a deeper understanding of little nuances under the hood that inform things like their decision making and stuff. its on a sliding scale of accuracy of course. personally i mostly get this with my mental disorders with characters such as ogata but sometimes theres LITTLE TINY THINGS that bother me about specifically the various violence related fetishes. and the fact that it bothers me itself bothers me cuz i feel like. "oh Clearly you havent received or inflicted wounds for sexual pleasure". yes obviously they havent done that. nobody else does that. i am abnormal in nature and insane in the head

#obviously not Rlly nobody else im well aware. but it is uncommon. and it doesnt Rlly bother me but i can often tell #yes ienaga vore jokes are funny but i dont think shes into vore based on what we see of her character and attitudes towards cannibalism #however. usami and tsurumi 100% are. tsurumis gay little speech in that scene would not be out of place on a vore sideblog thats EXACTLY #how certain ppl talk about it. thats literally It. tsurumi tokushirou invented vore in 1907 #thats just the most clear cut and easily explainable example i think but there are so many little bits of tiny nuance idek #there are different attitudes of course but i feel like ienaga doesnt rlly feel any Connection to eating ppl and sure there are ocs and #little stories or scenarios about the pred just being like 'yea its just food' cuz some preys find that rlly hot but. irl there arent rlly #any of that kind of pred cuz if they dont care then. they dont care lol. like they dont Care about vore. so theyre not into vore. u know #so i think shes not into vore sexually and such shes literally just here for medicinal purposes or w/e. but that is just my opinion idk #sorry for vore essay in the tags i am autistic 👍 those deviantart stamps are not ironic they are a Warning #if anybody like. cares about being 1/5th of a mm off in their depiction of masochism or smthng i will answer questions. but be prepared for #me to get at least this ^^^ autistic about it. i dont have a phd in masochism but i can at least say with certainty that i have never #said 'it hurts so good' in real life. the full sentence like that is just a little cheesy in my opinion. 'it hurts' usually speaks 4 itself #og post

[vvanessaives]

no but thinking of violante's manic state following her murder of ruven and that sick game of association-replacement played by gortash where he acts just like ruven did, picks up some of his behaviours and mannerisms and speech patterns he specifically used with violante and that he knows of well bc he observed and studied them interact, so that he can fill up the now empty spot left by ruven's death.

#rena.txt #LIKE THE LAYERS. vio is visibly not. alright. it's all about 'i'm alone without him' so he plays a role. takes advantage of the weakness so #to devote her to him like she was devoted to ruven. vio could've killed for ruven and now more than ever she's a powerful asset to have on #your side. plus she showed she can and will kill. she took out the only person she cared for (in their twisted ways) in the world so she's #useful but dangerous. a double edged blade. no better moment than now that vio is so unstable and lacks purpose and a sense of community #to lure her on his side for his future plans. there's smth about the manipulation in it that makes me lose it like #i know this is what you desperately need rn and i know you know you will never have it back so what if i showed you i can be that thing #you're missing? that sense of loneliness is what he's pressing on the most. and the loss too. and vio notices ofc she recognises when he #speaks or acts in a certain way. she's aware but willingly letting his plan work bc god. she does miss ruven so sickly much and the comfort #in a lie is preferable to what's going on in her mind in that moment. #there's exploitation and there's a lil touch of loneliness on his side too and it's bitter to pretend to be someone else to convince her to #stay but he won't ever admit it. genuinely think that if vio didn't leave without saying a word his plan would've worked. she'd willingly #pretend he could replace ruven. it would hurt less probably #that devotion that could lead her to do great horrors...both her weakness and strength 👍 the illusion of free choice 👍 #it's past 3am if i could elaborate better i would but i feel like i'm having visions at this point.hit me with a giant hammer so i can slee #i 🫶 toxicity in my characters dynamics btw

[selfawxre]

posting separately as to not hijack flowers' post but realising that some of you guys may also not be as into ddlc and not know all the nuances and random tidbits about it and specifically monika. like, for example, the fact that monika's piano playing is a metaphor for her hacking the game/changing the code, the fact that every time one of the girls is acting particularly out of character she isn't present in the room, only to rush back in like "oh what happened? i had nothing to do with this!!", the times where she gets absolutely steamrolled in act 2 by yuri and natsuki and is so clearly taken aback despite the fact she's the one fucking with their codes to make them aggressive enough to do that, etc.

also just, all the lines in act 1 where she's so blatantly talking about her sentience but that you wouldn't pick up on unless you already knew she was sentient. like she is not even trying to hide it from the beginning, you just know when she talks about her "epiphany" she's giggling to herself like "oh they're never gonna believe what i mean by that"

#📁 : // ⦗ out of character ⦘ #📁 : // ⦗ musings ⦘ #monika doesn't really have anything as funny or jarring as the piss poem or any of yuri's uh. quirks. but she's so interesting to me #like when u pay attention to her specifically while playing ddlc #the amount of out of pocket jokes she makes even in act one #of course we all know “you really left her hanging” #but throughout the week she's like “oh it would be a SHAME if something happened to sayori aha ha ha” #and of course her jokes and jabs in act two are a lot more overt #still i love her and her fucked up sense of humour #i also didn't pick up on the times she's late being her actively messing with the other girls until recently #like the day after the argument between yuri and natsuki in act two she's specifically late bc she's making natsuki forget the argument #and of course there's all the times she makes yuri and natsuki do scares while she's “off-camera” #like you'll notice she's never present when the really big scares happen and by the end of act 2 she's almost constantly late into the room #also the fact that she messes with the girls to make herself look better but is still clearly hurt when they take it out on her #one could argue she's making herself sympathetic on purpose but like #she doesn't even get a CHANCE to interact with mc once yuri's at her worst #and she always says she's not the best coder so i fully believe she's like “oh i fucked that up” and bit off more than she could chew #anyway she means everything to me <3

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[desiderium-eden]

@soulsxng:

Py: Mamy and I don’t have the same full forms, though. How can you be /sure/ it would be the same with me…~?

Pout... "And I take it you're not going to just tell me, huh?"

"... Well... I know you. And I trust you. You wouldn't hide it if it bothered me much. So ... I guess I have nothing to worry about...?"

#Lazuli IC #soulsxng #{A Beautiful Lie} Py #I... thought she was gonna fuss about it a bit more #but she took another look at him and just #nerves immediately gone #just 'This man would never hurt me on purpose. I trust him.'

[ecoamerica]

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[mooninagust]

junyoung is pissing me off so much, she just showed up and i'm already mad

#like girl.... #youre acting as if she hurt you on purpose while knowing damn well she loved you and would never #istg.... #the whole family is so pissing me off #an rambles #love all play #going to you at a speed of 493km

[ratcandy]

What do you hate about vanessa characterization

Alright listen real talk. I'm all for giving horrible antagonistic characters some amount of humanization or rationalization behind their actions. I get it I understand I'm totally for it. But at the same time holy shit how Vanessa's actions get largely ignored, downplayed or brushed under the rug for purposes of "let's get her and the person she abused and murdered to reunite because reasons" makes me so fucking mad

Literally don't care if you want Van and Snatcher to reunite for romantic or platonic purposes. Why would anyone be so desperate to redeem/justify an abuser's actions or pretend that the abused has to - or should - forgive and forget in any capacity. No. Fuck that. Fuck any notion of that

In what world is it a "better" ending or alternative for the victim to just be cool being around their abuser again. Even the GAME didn't try to pull this shit and the game redeemed the Mafia, a bunch of genocidal colonizers. Don't try and lump her in with the forced redemption crew because that's fucked

I don't care how tragic you make Van's backstory or if you go the fun sparkly ableist route of blaming it on a mental illness, I don't want to see her justified. I don't. I really, really truly do not.

Honestly portraying her, as she is during canon's events, in any way as rational or sympathetic or understanding makes me want to maim and kill. It's so tone deaf that I just don't get why someone would do it to begin with. You want to go in-depth with her backstory and explain how she became this way? You want to give me an in-detail look of her thought processes and how they became so twisted and dark? That's delicious, hell yes, absolutely. But the moment you use that as any sort of justification or say she's suddenly redeemable because "awauhghh but her MoM was a BAd PerSon" or whatever then you've lost all of my interest .

Girlies as someone with Bad Experiences who latched onto Snatcher for a bit because of a little bit too much "I felt that" happening when I went through the rift's storybook, coming back to see a staggering amount of fanon totally cool with Vanessa or defending her actions was shocking to me I wouldn't even be mad or surprised if it was going full "oh what an evil bitch I love her" but no it's. Why is there so much. So so much rationalizing or defending of her happening. You can like evil terrible characters and not try to condone or explain away their actions to make them "better people."

like oh no baby what! is you doing??

#ask #hattytime #woof sorry about the rant this has been relevant so I'm freshly irritated about this shdkJH #abuse mention #like literally. why #for what purpose #There is a shocking amount of it in the fandom. The total obliviousness to the full weight of Van's actions #and why they shouldn't just be glossed over #I pretty much refuse to characterize Van or include her in stories due to my own need for self-care. So maybe I'm biased #but still. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would you do that #Pairing it in any way with infantilizing the Prince or babying him makes me sooooooo mad #i'm not trying to make the argument that abusers are just ruthless animals and can never better themselves #- though in the case of Vanessa specifically that's a bit questionable. with the whole ice demon nonsense - #but trying to convince me that it's essential to the process of betterment that she REUNITE with her VICTIM #will make me want to HURT you #He's not under any obligation to hear her apologies let alone actually forgive her #she can become a totally new and improved person and he doesn't have to have ANY part in it. #and I don't WANT him too. because no one in their right mind WOULD

[quietwingsinthesky]

anthropomorphizes angel blade anthropomorphizes the tablet anthropomorphizes the bunker anthro-

#they are OLD. they are ALIVE. they have FEELINGS. #angel blades are a given because they are Part Of The Angel. they want to be with their angel. they're loyal. to turn one against the owner #is to break it. kill it too. you know? this is me saying gabriel's blade never works right again after its used to kill him. #the bunker is alive because it is full of dead tortured things. most of them didn't want to die there. sam and dean should be glad that the #men of letters were so good at magic. keeps the bunker docile. under control. but beyond that its just Old. #my personal hc that the bunker wasnt build by the MoL. they just found it and controlled it. shaped it to be a hideout for their war. #but its a lot older than them. than anything. (<- this is v inspired by the oldest house in control yes i love that game.) #that part of the bunker. that old part. it might come to love its inhabitants. not as legacies but as people who need a home. #the tablets are alive because they are angry and abandoned and full of knowledge that Must Be Read. #they were buried they were locked away. they dont appreciate being forgotten. they dont even appreciate being read. but they have to be. #its their purpose. its their only purpose. of course they hurt the prophets that read them. they resent this state of being. #that they will be read. used. and put away again. #none of this makes any sense does it askldjalkjdkl i just think more things should be Alive in spn. #(the impala being included should go without saying of course she's alive. she's baby.)

[whorangel]

(〒﹏〒)

#vent tag #sorry 4 being so depressing today #i just want someone to stay #i know this isn't her fault and she would never do anything to hurt me on purpose #but still hurts lol #why is life so mean to me #i don't deserve this i didn't do anything wrong TT