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getbockets · 2 years

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Blog #4: Tracking Social Media Use

I went through a normal day of my life. I didn’t purposefully manage any time throughout this day so that I wasn’t swayed by this project. I usually use the same social media throughout my day, and because I have a busy day most of the time, I wouldn’t have much use of social media as if I did on a free day. My most free day of the week is Monday, so I took the data from Monday and used it for this assignment. This is what I found.

Instagram was the least used social media that I used the least at around 45 minutes of my day. I rarely use this kind of social media anymore. I will pop on here and there just to see more about sports rather than the people that I follow on the app. I mostly looked on the Instagram stories to just check a couple. I usually click through them quickly and don’t look at them unless I see something interesting. Usually if something happens, I will go on there to look, but if not, I rarely get on. There was a football game on that day, and I wanted to see all the funny memes that people made about the game. Depending on what I see on here is how I feel about being on it. If I am looking at hobbies of mine, I enjoy it, but if my favorite team just lost and it is all over my timeline, I'm not so happy.

Snapchat was the second least used social media. I spent almost an hour on this app. I used this social media a lot through high school but as I got older, there was little to no reason to spend on it. The main reason I get on this is to look at stories. I see what my friends are up to, and I usually don’t post anything, but some people post a lot, so I find myself getting on quite often, just not for long periods of time. I just feel excited that I can keep up with some old friends on there, but it mostly is boring.

The third most used social media that I have used is Twitter. In my opinion twitter is so funny. I spent at least 2 ½ hours on this app. This app brings me mostly joy because of some of the hilarious things that I see on there. Twitter is probably the social media app that I enjoy the most because of the good content on there. I also will log onto Twitter if something serious happens to see if it is trending, so it acts as a sort of news source as well.

The second most used app for the day was TikTok. The rumors of TikTok being an endless and mindless scrolling fest is true. I will mostly use this app if I am bored and no other reason. You cannot tell how long you’ve been there. It is so easy to just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling, until you feel like you’ve been on there too long. I spent a good 3 hours on TikTok. I ignored my homework, but not intentionally, I just got too comfortable and opened the app. I usually feel like a zombie just mindlessly scrolling through until I find something that is interesting or super funny. This is an app that feels like a black hole, and it is impossible to escape.

The social media that I used the most was YouTube. YouTube is on all the time, even when I am not paying attention, it is background noise. I logged almost 7 hours of YouTube in one day. When I sit down to eat, something always must be on YouTube, and even when I am going to bed. I have so many things and series that I watch on YouTube. I don’t find the amount of time being alarming just for the simple fact that it was mostly just background noise during my 4-hour nap on Monday, but it is interesting to see how much it is in my life.

Doing an assignment like this really puts into perspective how much social media you use a day. I learned that I seem to have tendencies to do things just because I am bored, or even by habit. If there is a split second of quiet or free time, the first thing that I seem to do is open my phone and open a social media app and keep refreshing until it can’t anymore. I could say that I will try to cut down on social media, but we all know that it's probably not going to happen.

#snapchat #twitter #instagram #tiktok #youtube #social media #study

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violaquiver93 · 2 years

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How can you make speed up your time when you travel from one place to another in truck trailers and on fishing vessels

Hi. Here's my story. I was born in Slovenia about twenty years ago. I am currently living in the East coast of America, as well as the Mid West and West coasts. Through my travels, I've been to Canada as well as Alaska. Though I didn't spend very long in each location It took me between a few months to several years to settle in New York. But, New York is a city that you can't afford to leave. It requires that you dedicate at least a year to your life. It's almost guaranteed to be the most thrilling experience of your life, even if New York has some of it. No matter how you feel it is not about America's best and worst. It's just a tale of getting from one place to the next. I suspect I have some form of attention deficit. I've never sought advice from a medical professional for this. My mother hasn't tested me. I'm also not sure whether or not it could be the case. However, I do notice that I drop things during shows because they get boring. I have stopped watching certain shows after five seasons. It suddenly loses interest. My house is filled with those unfinished projects of mine. They might be found and completed by someone in the future however for the moment, I'm not able to handle them. soundcloud mp3 However, my mind is always searching for the next intriguing thing, next catchy concept or app, or Tik Tok challenge. I've tried all of them and know the features they offer. So, after a few trips on the back of a trailer and even taking a big boat to Alaska and back, I was compelled to begin an entirely new book or even watch a TV show that I downloaded on Hulu. It's hard to find something new while in a boat. There's almost nothing to do. One of my favorite things is listening to science fiction podcasts, and science fiction myths debunked. I first discovered this series of shows after watching some on Netflix and Hulu. Next was How stuff is created. Then, I watched a few nature documentaries. I came across the various video makers on Youtube. Although they all know one another and often refer to their colleagues, it's not speculation or an attempt to denigrate them. They are actually open and are often together to watch an episode when they require help with their experiments. They have been on my television for a while and I am a fan of their shows. You don't even need to be watching them, but you can listen to their conversation. At first , I tried to download YouTube videos Youtube onto my laptop. But then I realized that I was just adding to my computer video that I didn't need. All I wanted was the audio part. The YouTube to MP3 online converter is extremely useful. I am able to enter my channel's name, as well as any of the 4 channels and it brings up the videos that have been uploaded on that channel, sorted last in first, which makes it very easy to find new uploads to download, or as I've been doing recently convert them into mp3 to save to my phone. Later, I can connect my headphones to the converter and listen to debate videos on podcasts. They often tell me in the beginning if they're a visual or talking episode. It makes it easier to determine the direction we'd like to follow. The time between the port of departure to the final destination is filled with expectation. I'm always looking to experiences that will be new I am excited about new things and eager to learn more about new places. I learned that Kevin Costner is actually planning to narrate stories about places you visit on your long drive to another state or thru many states. The service will cost you an annual fee, and it is only available while you're physically elsewhere, it will not be possible to learn about Texas when you're located in Illinois However, it's an excellent idea. I'd like to listen to his remarks about the cities that I go to, and it might even replace my downloaded lectures. The annual fee of about $40 but it'll definitely be worthwhile if you're traveling a lot. It's one of my favorite things - lazy ways to earn money, learn as well as earn.

It doesn't really matter if the soothing voice of KC is telling you about your surroundings, or you've saved your favorite videos from Youtube to mp3 files that you copied to your smartphone It is crucial to find something interesting to do on long-distance travels. This isn't a good idea if you enjoy outdoor activities and biking. A ride on the back of a car or inside a boat's belly is a fantastic method to relax and keep you entertained.

#mp3 sound cloud #soundcloud mp3

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binniewon · 3 years

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In Their Eyes 1 (repost)

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Paring: Hybrid!BTS/Female!Reader

Warning:Mention of death

A/N: Hi loves well look at that chapter 1 is here a day before it was supposed to be lol I hope you all enjoy also there is a taglist for this so please let me know if you want on it! Yes this story is mine I’m just reposting because my links don’t work. If you want to be on the repost taglist let me know!

Taglist for repost:

@potatosayshello

The day that my mom died was the day that my life stopped I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink and I was on the brink of a metal break down. I was so used to having her in my daily life so now that she was gone I couldn’t function. My life seemed to change the day that her lawyer called and asked me to go to his office so that he could read me her will, I honestly didn’t want to hear her will but I went anyway.

“Y/N? My name is Alex I am your mom’s lawyer” I shook his hand and sat down “Now your mom did leave you a number of things but before we get into that she left you a letter that she wants you to read along with this envelope I will leave you to gather your thoughts have an amazing day!” I said a quick thank you and slowly grabbed the envelope before taking a deep breath and opening it, the letter sounded just like her she wanted me to be happy, to continue living my life, and she wanted me to meet the love of my life she was gone yet she was still worried about me.

The end of the letter kind of confused me and scared me “Now I want you to take this was a grain of salt but don’t accept their offer I love you so much babygirl” I didn’t even realize I was crying at the end of the letter I missed her so much.

A few days later I got a call from my mom’s lab were she worked asking if I would come in they wanted to ask me something I figured it was reated to my mom so I went in later that evening.

“We are so sorry for your lose Y/N, your mom talked about you a lot eveytime we saw her she had something new to say about you” I smiled at the thought of my mom doing that she was always one of those moms that if you did something small she would tell the world about it. “Before your mom passed away we were working on a project, we think that hybrids are real we have had some sightings from other scientist that there are some deep in a forest in Asia your mother never got to go so we were wondering if you would like to go in her place we know that you are studying biology we wouldn’t want any else but you to come with us” you were confused because your mom never told you about a project but she was also really sick in her last day’s you figured that you would do it if your mom wanted to and she never got to then the least that you could do was go with them “When are we leaving”

Why did it have to be you of course you would allow your pride to get ahead of you and now here you are alone in the middle of a forest everything and anything in here wants to kill you and can without a second to spare.

Your mom always told you that your pride would be your downfall and here you are, man you wished you had listened to her I am sure that, that is what she meant by not to trust anyone because you are sure you are going to die out here maybe if you listened to anybody you wouldn’t be in this situation you would be at home with a nice cup of coffee rewatching episodes of your favorite TV show.

But no here you are deep in the forest looking for research without anybody but it was kind of your fault you decided it would be in your best interest to run off by yourself and when you tried to go back and look for the others they were gone you tried screaming but you didn’t get a reply oh my why did it have to be you!

When you finally got to a stopping place the first tear fell you were so scared you were scared of the forest and you were scared of yourself why did your mom have to go why couldn’t she take you with her “Pull yourself together Y/N they already think that you are weak just suck it up” but that didn’t work in fact the tears just kept coming down, when you looked up you realized it was night time and on top of that you could feel something creeping up on you and watching you, with little to know army training you didn’t know what to do but you did remember your dad teaching you how to make a fire so you figured making a torch would require the same steps.

You found a stick and grabbed a lighter out of your backpack you tried lighting the stick on fire but it wasn’t working you suddenly felt something drip on your shoulder a little scream came out of your mouth as you jumped back and away from anything that could harm you, you lit the lighter again but in the direction of where you were standing before.

You saw something dripping from a leaf it looked like sap you thought that, that might help with lighting the torch so you put the stick under it and let the sap drip onto it.

When your anxiety couldn’t take it anymore you quickly pulled the stick away and tried to light it on fire again but this time it worked, your happiness didn’t last long when you pointed the torch behind you and saw eyes a ton of them looking at you, the eyes suddenly started to come at you, you quickly pointed the fire at them thinking it would scare them away but they just kept on coming “Stay back!” you screamed as you slowly started to walk backwards but you weren’t paying attention and you tripped over a tree stomp the things used that as an advantage and they ran at you, accepting that you would probably die you closed your eyes and turned away.

A loud cry made you open your eyes and you were met with three men that were killing them you didn’t know if you should escape will those wild animals were distracted but all those thoughts soon faded away when you saw what was killing them those three men were hybrids that was why you were here you were looking for the hybrids.

You didn’t want to interrupt them as they stood over the dead animals and started to talk in this language that you didn’t understand, you turned around to leave but was met with a knife in your face you quickly put your hands up in surrender “I-i’m sorry I wasn’t trying to do anything I am lost, I can’t find my friends, these things just tried to kill me I didn’t mean any harm please, p-please don’t kill me” you spoke nervously another guy stepped out from behind a tree how many were there.

“We aren’t going to kill you if you tell us why your here”

They were so quiet as they walked you through the forest you could feel some of their eye on you but they didn’t dare to say anything neither did you, before long you guys came to a clearing “What is a disgusting human like you doing here” one of them said, well that didn’t help your nerves at all you could practically feel your hear beat increase and your sure they want to kill you and eat you for dinner “I-I” you took a deep breath before you started again “I am here with a research team who was looking for you, I am only here because my mom wanted to see you but- I was planning on leaving as soon as I found you” they all looked at you with curiosity in their eyes

What was going to happen to you now.

#bts x reader #hybrid bts x reader #Poly BTS #bts polyamory #poly bts x reader #bts #In Their Eyes

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mammons-tax-returns · 3 years

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HDJXKDKFF I KNOW I HAVE REQUESTS BUT I NEEDED THIS PLEASE FORGIVE ME THIS WAS SO TIME CONSUMING AND FOR WHAT>> TO SATISFY MY DYSPHORIA/fA<>>A???

synapsis ; Satan and MC often discuss the plot lines of their favorite books, but this time, it’s a little bittersweet

✖️MALE MC✖️ comfort, kinda sad, fluff?

MC could practically feel the past few sleepless nights tugging at his limbs. He yawned into his hand. “I probably shouldn’t have pulled an all nighter last night, huh?” He chuckled a little to make light of the situation.

Satan sighed helplessly, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “I told you this would happen. You’d better watch yourself before I force you to get proper hours of sleep.” His emerald eyes never left the pages of his most recent favorite novel series. “Lucifer isn’t as worried for your grades considering you won’t be here for as long as us.”

“That’s true... But even still, I wouldn’t want to disappoint Luci.” MC rubbed his eyes a bit before responding.

There was only a scoff in response from the blonde, along with mutters definitely slandering his older brother.

“But never mind that. Wanna update me on your book?” MC grabbed his own book from the table to his side and took a seat on Satan’s bed. He has learned from experience that Satan read books far beyond his comprehension level-- far beyond the comprehension level of some of the smartest demons as well. But the plots are interesting enough that listening to Satan relay the insights to him has become a hobby.

“Well.... Amanthy ends up saving the prince from the monster right in the nick of time, but get this; the two of them don’t get married.” MC finally gets to see Satan’s eyes when he looks up in mild excitement. They’re blazing so brightly that it nearly burns him as he watches them. This normally happened when Satan was allowed to rant about a book.

“Amanthy calls off the marriage because he didn’t think that the prince was strong enough to be with him on his journey. I really recommend you reading this part at the very least. Now that you know what’s actually happening in it, you can focus on how incredibly this author deepens the understanding of Amanthy and his intents.”

Amanthy... Would you really end it all just like that? MC found himself wondering. It must have been the fact that MC projected him and Satan onto the two ex-love birds in the novel. Amanthy was clearly a sophisticated book-loving mage similarly to Satan, and the prince was a simple man in a foreign world trying to figure everything out. Just like MC being thrown into the Devildom. Together, the two fought and travelled together.

As childish as it is, MC was hopeful that they would end up together in the end, just because of his crush on Satan. And hearing the news about their wedding almost felt like a personal attack.

He can’t respond immediately. “Oh.” He breathes, “That’s surprising... I, uh. Did not expect that.” A small laugh. How was he supposed to answer?

“I feel the same. It was not hinted at in the slightest...” Satan held his chin between his thumb and index finger. “But I understand Amanthy. I mean, looking at it realistically... The prince had his sword, and even with the little magic he had, surely he could have fought the beast instead of waiting for it to kill him... Amanthy is a strong man, and I’m not sure how well he’d hold up being with someone like that.”

“Hmm. Interesting... This whole plot was just one turn after another. You really have an eye for good books... The beginning of that story was a bit slow.” MC tried to seem as invested as possible. But it was proving to be much more difficult than it seemed. Although he knew Satan can’t be held accountable for something like this... Does he really think that Amanthy was in the right?

There was a knot forming in the very bottom of his stomach. So then, would he do the same thing in that situation? Would he really drop me if he had to save me like that?

“The story certainly did pick up speed... Even I was impressed. But it truly added to the character development! Amanthy is a smart man for what he did, and he’s really selling it to me. I wonder if that shopkeeper from the last chapter will reappear...” He flipped several pages back as if to see if it was hinted at anywhere. “She looked like a better fit for our bookworm protagonist... Or maybe he’s better off on his own?”

MC’s mood just seemed to be going down a never ending decline. The shopkeeper? Who was literally everything that he wasn’t?

Satan continued before MC could comment, “The prince was always a bit of a dead weight, I can admit. There were times that I found myself criticizing him for little things, but never fully disliked him... Although there was much more to him than his exterior, I suppose.”

Okay, now this was a full blown call out post for MC. The prince getting called a dead weight for the protagonist? Suddenly, MC constantly having to be reminded by Satan to sleep seemed a little more daunting.

“So that’s how you look at it...” MC hummed and buried his face in his book, careful with his phrasing and hoping that the intuitive male in front of him couldn’t pick up on his hurt.

“Of course... How would you see it?” Satan leaned a little closer.

This man will be the end of me, and he won’t even know it.

MC cleared his throat and shifted a little out of discomfort. “I mean... I guess I sympathize with the prince a little. He hasn’t really gotten the chance to protect himself... A-And that’s the first time he’s been left with such a powerful beast, right? Just a few weeks ago, he was in his castle watching the knights spar, and now he’s here defending himself alone.” Don’t seem suspicious, MC. You got this. You can do this at the very least, can’t you? “Amanthy had a good connection with him. I can’t believe he’d just overlook that because the prince needs help understandably. I mean, isn’t that what a lover is for? To love and support?”

Satan’s lips tugged into a simple smile. “Ahh, so that’s how it is. I’m surprised you can pay so much attention right now when you’ve barely slept. You could barely keep your eyes open earlier.” He playfully ruffled MC’s hair.

His affectionate touch stung, and his words stabbed deep into MC’s core. He knew no harm was meant, and yet he couldn’t help but feel horrible. Why couldn’t he just listen to Satan’s nagging?

“But your opinion is just as strong as mine!” MC added quickly, hoping that Satan didn’t think he was disregarding him. “Maybe calling off the wedding was the right choice in the end... After all, the prince was kinda shady in the first few chapters right? Maybe he’ll prove to be the bad guy.”

Satan seemed to think it over for a moment. “ I suppose... But the prince is a bit more respectful than that, don’t you think?”

And now he’s defending the prince? Make up your mind already, MC silently thought.

“Y-Yeah, I guess so...” Am I as respectful as him, someone of literal royalty? MC breathed out slowly. Even if I am, what difference does that make, Satan?

Some time passed after that, and MC couldn’t get passed a single page in his book. His mind was a confusing jumble of thoughts. Some of them hoped that Satan would react differently if proposed the same situation. And some justified Amanthy’s decision in a sickening submission to his situation. His ‘situation’ is an inevitable unrequited love for Satan. And now he’s aware that Satan probably wouldn’t consider someone like him as a spouse even if given the chance. Great.

“MC? If you’re tired you should sleep.”

The (H/C) haired male jumped. He looked up to see Satan way too close for comfort at the moment. He felt himself flush. “I’m not! This story is too interesting for that.”

“You haven’t turned a single page. And you looked a little scary.” Satan chuckled. “Is it Lucifer? Is that rat stressing you for your grades?”

“Well, no... It’s just,” Phrase this properly, please. “I’m all hung up on that whole marriage situation. If... If you had to make that decision, would you call off the marriage too?”

Satan had a look of shock. “Hmm... I guess I hadn’t considered that.” He thought for a second. “I don’t think I would. I may have chosen Amanthy’s side, but I’m not him.”

Geez, that’s a big relief.

“But what about you? Would you do the same?”

Okay, now that was unexpected. MC blinked. “I definitely wouldn’t have. You heard my piece earlier. I wouldn’t leave someone just because they were incapable of things like that.”

... Was that too much information?

“Really... Interesting.” Satan leaned back into the cushions on the seat. “It’s almost spellbinding how similar you are to him, and yet you two have such different ideals.”

“Yeah...” MC answered subconsciously. “And it really--... Wait. Come again?”

How similar I am to Amanthy? No. I must have heard wrong. It just doesn’t make sense. There’s no way that he would compare me to someone as great as-

“I must have never mentioned it, but I tend to project the people I know onto storybook characters.” He seemed a little bashful, as he couldn’t quite make eye contact with MC. “Amanthy is a very selfless mage that happens to have a habit of staying up for days on end to finish his studies. He... He reminds me of you.” A small tinge of pink crawled onto his cheeks. “Sometimes, it also feels like you’re the protagonist of a great story, too.”

MC was flabbergasted. This conversation is hitting him harder than the actual plot of the book being discussed. “Th-Then, who do you see as the prince?” This wasn’t adding up. He couldn’t imagine who it could be if it wasn’t him.

“Me, of course.” Satan responded without missing a single beat. “I hate to admit it, but as the youngest brother, I tend to... Blow things out of proportion. And the others say it’s because I haven’t experienced the same things as them. I don’t quite understand it... But I guess I really don’t need to.” He looked lost in his own mind as he explained.

He continued as MC struggled to put everything together. “The prince was told many of the same things I have heard. But I think the reason I relate to him so largely is because I also feel little out of place, as many of his monologues describe my exact feelings so often.”

“Out of place..? Why is that?” MC’s words left his mouth before he could consider them. “Err, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.”

“No, It’s nice to get things like this off of my chest occasionally.” He paused briefly. “I guess I’m just not used to someone understanding me quite like you do. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not bad at all. It’s just a bit... Odd to me. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve it.”

“Satan... Of course you do. Otherwise I wouldn’t have taken the time and indulged in the same things as you.” MC felt his heart throb. Of course Satan would look into the story from a metaphorical stance rather than literal, like he did. He was the one actually reading the pages, after all. That’s just the type of person he is. There’s no real beast in this story in his eyes. The prince was just Satan stuck in his own thoughts.

“But... Surely, this doesn’t mean that you thought I would have made the same choice as Amanthy, right?”

Satan hummed. “You’ve got me unraveled under your fingertips, MC. But you’d be mistaken... I did. But even if something like that ever happened, I don’t think I’d let you go quite as easily as the prince did.” His smile had hints of mischief in it. “You’re stuck with me.”

MC’s eyes widened a little. There was so much information to take in at once. “Well... Rest assured, then?”

“Agreed.” Satan nodded. “I’m just hoping you won’t get fed up with having to constantly calm me down before a wreck a building.” He laughed, but it seemed sad, in a way.

Ahh... So that’s just it. Satan was insecure about something that I don’t mind helping him with a thousand times over. MC found himself smiling. Demons were much more similar to humans than he thought.

“That’s a bit cute, Satan.”

“What’re you on about?”

MC reached over and pat the top of his head in the way he knows he enjoys it. “I wouldn’t let you go so easily, either. I’m not Amanthy, and you’re not the prince. You’re gonna have to try a little harder to get rid of me.”

Satan was frozen in the spot. He suddenly understood what Levi’s shows would describe when they said, “time seemed to slow, and nothing else mattered other than him.”

“I don’t think I’d ever dream of it...”

For the first time ever, he felt as if he was receiving his very own happy ending in his own novel.

#obey me x male reader #obey me satan

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jdunkirk · 3 years

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if you haven't read the lovely and amazing "crash and burn" by @aureutr, i highly highly highly recommend it, it's one of my all time favorite fics!!!

with this said, i am a man with little to no chill with my fixations, and i took the self appointed job to translate a speech from it into mando'a, for funsies :) apologies to those who don't see my read more, but i'm going to do this

under the cut shall be the speech, broken by sentences in indents, followed by my attempt at mando'a, and some things i have to say, if there is anything!

This is a message to anyone who considers themself a Mandalorian.

Ibic din'jor at an aala Mando'ad.

1st, the thing that made this take the most time was just the fact that mando'a will drop lots of information/words, leaving it up to context or word order to be implied! so nearly every sentence is shortened quite a bit, as a 1-to-1 translation would be way too lengthy for mandalorian tastes

the first word i had to invent was "message", din'jor being my result. i drew from the words "gift" and "to give" which share the root din, and the root jor which relates a lot to language, speech, and talking, thinking it was a "given speech." as an agglutinative language, mando'a would probably have lots of words like this, and looking at the vocab i've collected it sure seems to, as some of these roots are seen in lots of words that have similar or related meanings :)

roughly, it translates as "This message is to all who feel they are Mandalorian."

I am the Manda'lor and I am calling you home.

Ni cuy'Mand'alor, jor'chaaji yaim.

2nd, verbs! the verbs, as listed on all translators and dictionaries online, end with a vowel and a rhotic sound (-ar, -er, etc), but this translates as the infinitive form of the verb when used! for example, hibirar is "to learn", but saying ni hibirar is grammatically inaccurate. you would say ni hibira, dropping the -r, to say "i learn"

cuyir is especially interesting to me, as even the -i can be dropped and the verb fused to the following thing, a kind of way to especially show what you are or what something is!

i flip flopped on translating the definitive "the" as mando'a uses it mostly in emphasis, and i wasn't sure if it should be noted as special that way. i settled on "it's a big enough deal just to say it" and left it simpler!

roughly, it means "I am Mand'alor, calling you home."

For too long our people have been flung out across the galaxy.

Or'ca'nara droten re'or'goora dos oyu.

3rd, some new vocab again! this time, it's mostly just fusions onto existing words to give them a different meaning. rather than using "long" as a way to describe the time frame, i settled on something that means "a long/extreme time" since it felt concise while better capturing the specific feeling :O a similar thing extends to re'or'goora, using the root verb and attaching the "extreme" affix to create "to throw hard, fling" from just "to throw" :)

oyu is technically a new word, as it's not listed in the dictionaries i used, but i took the root from "galactic", since adjectives and adverbs consistently attach a suffix to make new words, -yc or -la!

roughly, it means "Too long have our people been flung across (the) galaxy."

Our strength once came from our numbers and now too many of us are separated and alone.

Cuun kot r'olaro teg soletyce, naysol mhi dar'tome, solus.

4th, a moment about pronouns! depending on where you look, you might get a few different results for "we," "us," "our," and "ours" especially. i double checked over a few different sources to verify which translations are most appropriate to use, and the common ones to use end up being cuun and mhi. the uncommon ones are vi and mhor, being listed as archaic mando'a.

mando'a differentiates from english/basic in pronouns as the pronouns stand for both the nominative and accusative versions (I and me, etc). the other pronoun is the genitive or possessive version (my/mine).

roughly, this means "Our strength came from our numbers, but too many of us are separated and alone."

Come to Concordia.

Olaro Concordia.

5th, i debated about trying to transcribe a kind of mando'a name for concordia. it kept me hung up for a while, not sure what it could be or if i should even do it. in the end i couldn't think of anything and left it, but truthfully it still bugs me >:( it doesn't seem extremely out of place, admittedly, so it isn't the end of the world by any means!

We will be sending ships to gather as many as we can, but come any way you can.

Ven'mashuki me'sene joruur sa birov lise, olaro an arase gar lise.

this translation should be quite close :)

The Mandalorian way is to allow any who wish to swear a creed to become one of us.

Mando'ara duumi an meg vore urmanka tomur cuun.

6th, a couple original vocab choices again! there wasn't an easy way to translate creed, so i took from the verb "to believe" thinking it was like a "belief or faith." truthfully i'm not fully pleased with it, but it was another thing that had me way too hung up so i felt i should just pick something and move on.

the last bit, tomur cuun, was a last minute change honestly. originally, i had it as cu'laror solus, but upon reflecting i felt it was too literal and wordy again. i made up tomur, which i define as "to join or become smth"

roughly, this means "The Mandalorian Way allows those who accept a creed to join us."

If you hear this message and wish to do this you are also welcome.

Susulu din'jor bal vercopaani, gar balyc olarom.

roughly, this means "(If) you hear this message and wish (to do so), you are also welcome.

But know that the training is long and hard.

A kar'tayli bajur munit, urakto.

this should translate closely again!

Too many of our wars have been against each other for differences in creed, or in clan.

Naysol akaane ru'cui tio'r mhi par urmanka, aliit.

roughly, this means "Too many wars were within us for creed, or clan."

We cannot continue this and also rebuild our home, our culture.

Nu'sla'nri bal tu'gotal'u cuun yaim, manda.

7th, conjugation and vocab! the negation of something is doing by either a stand alone article or a prefix, depending on the extent of negation. with just "continue this" being the negated part, i settled on nu' rather than ne' because i felt it sounded better.

for "rebuild," i picked the verb gotal'ur, "to make or create" and extended that as "to build," then i attached tug which seems to be the root for "repeating, again."

for culture, i settled on manda which actually stands for this rather large and powerful concept in mando belief. in short, it's the "soul" of being a Mandalorian, as an individual and also as a collective. that last bit is what really stood out to me, so i settled on that, as it's short, sweet, and very fitting in my eyes.

roughly, this means "We cannot continue (this) and rebuild our home, our culture/soul."

And so I also come before you to declare that from today onward Mandalore has a primary guiding principle.

Ni balyc rejorhaa'i, ibi'tuur, ratiin, Manda'yaim gana alor'yc ruusaar.

roughly, this means "I also announce, from today and always, Mandalore has a leading principle."

People before all else.

Adate ru an ashi.

used Reu's translation for this :)

This is the Way.

Cui te Ara.

8th, the debate about definitive-ness was settled here, finally! it felt appropriate for The Way to be the definitive noun out of them all, given how important it is. ibic cuyi te ara could be correct, but it's just a little wordy for mando'a, so "this" is dropped and cuyi is simplified further, rather than it's affix form when attaching to nouns.

Reu translates "this is the way" as cuy te yust in her work, which i somehow overlooked when i was doing my own translation, lol. i think it fits just as well, as yust could translate as "way or path," so really which translation one picks is a matter of preference!

Mandalore is calling you home.

Manda'yaim jor'chaaji gar.

roughly, this means "Mandalor is calling you." i dropped the redundant yaim for home, since it's already in the mando'a name for Mandalore.

will i do a project like this again in the future? maybe...... gotta find something that tickles that pickle again, but i had a lot of fun with it so i'm probably gonna keep those eyes open :) thanks for reading <3

#long post #the mandalorian #star wars fanfiction #mando'a #mandalore #mandalorians #conlang #artlang

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pluviophile-imagines · 3 years

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Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧#anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol

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thadelightfulone · 3 years

Text

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 11

November 30th

Thanksgiving came and went, yet Erik and DeeDee stayed in touch as much as possible. DeeDee was focused on wrapping up the semester and preparing for a new life outside of the classroom. While Erik was completely emerged in the current expansion project and meeting end of the year deadlines.

It was always a great time whenever they could find the time to talk with one another. Erik continued to relentlessly flirt with a not-so-innocent DeeDee who gave just as good as she got.

The more Erik got to know about her, the more he was certain of his growing feelings towards her. He only hoped that she reciprocated them and on the same level.

He decided to take Monday off since he had been working over the weekend and wanted to make himself available to talk to DeeDee. It had been about two days since they spoke and he missed her, which felt normal to him these days.

Prince Erik: Good morning Miss DeeDee.

DeeDee 💜: Good afternoon Mr. Erik.

Prince Erik: I wanted to know if you might have time to talk this evening.

DeeDee 💜: Yes, I do since I am not working tonight. Just call me when you are available.

Prince Erik: Great. I’ll talk to you later. Have a wonderful day.

DeeDee 💜: I look forward to it. Thank you, and same to you.

DeeDee smiled as she put her phone away and adjusted herself on the stool. She was in one of Dr. O’s Organic Chemistry classes, helping out with the day’s lab. She waved bye as the students walked past her and left their lab reports on the back counter. Without fail, Brandon stopped in front of her, dangling his paper.

“So, when are you gonna let me take you out Miss DeeDee?”

DeeDee cringed and tried to keep the pleasant smile on her face. She had gotten so used to Erik calling her that, and hearing someone else address her by that name gave her pause. She grabbed paper and put it on the growing pile.

“We’ve been over this, Brandon. I’m not interested.”

“Why not? Look at me.” He splayed his hands out, presenting himself to her. “I am a great catch.”

DeeDee rubbed her temples. She hated coming to this class for this reason. Brandon was the little brother of one of the students in her doctoral cohort. They all started their journey together and unfortunately, she gained his attention after a late night study group session.

“I’m not doing this today. Thank you for turning in your lab report.”

“You know I’m not gonna stop until you say yes, right?”

“I wish you would stop because I hate to break it to you, but you will be waiting indefinitely. It’s not happening.”

“Why not? We all know you aren’t dating anyone.”

“Excuse me? How is that any of your business?” DeeDee whisper-yelled to him; she grabbed her backpack and headed to the front of the room. “Dr. O. I’ll see you later. I need to go.”

Brandon rushed out after her. “Hey, Hey. Wait a second, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything, DeeDee.”

“Brandon, please leave me alone.”

“DeeDee -”

A phone started to ring.

She reached for her cell from her back pocket. Grateful for the interruption, she immediately answered, “Hello.”

“Hello Miss DeeDee.”

“Erik,” She swooned. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“You knew I was gonna call.”

“Yeah, but not this early. Can you hold for just a moment?” DeeDee barely covered the phone when she turned her attention back to Brandon, “We are done here.”

“But Miss DeeDee -”

“Please do not call me that.” She snapped at him.

“My bad. Look DeeDee, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here.”

“No, we did not. You just won’t accept no for an answer, and that’s very disrespectful to me.”

Brandon opened his mouth to speak when Dr. O walked by and looked between the two of them.

“Everything good here?” No one said anything or moved. Dr. O sighed, “Brandon, what did I tell you about hitting on my GAs? No one comes to my class anymore because of you.”

Brandon stared at the ground while DeeDee stood with her phone in her hand.

“I gotta go. You two have a good day.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow for our weekly, DeeDee.” Dr. O glanced at Brandon, “Follow me to my office, we need to talk. NOW.”

DeeDee ran-walked down the hall and out onto the patio of the lab building.

“Erik?” She spoke into the phone, “You still there?”

“I am. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Sorry, you had to hear that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m definitely glad I called when I did. Sounds like you needed the distraction.”

“I did, I do. Thank you,” she rambled.

“Hey, why don’t you find a place to sit and we can just chill until you are ready to go.”

“I’m outside of the Engineering building now.”

“Do they still have those benches in the corner near the wall?”

“They do. That’s actually my favorite place to chill when I am here.”

“Then let’s go have a seat.”

DeeDee walked over to the bench and put her backpack on the wall. She sat against her backpack and pulled her legs up and crossed them.

“You settled?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to share something with you. And then whenever you are ready to talk, just let me know.”

“Ok.”

“So, remember the program I was telling you about, where we would be working with grad students from nearby schools?”

“Yeah, your mentorship program for students in advanced science classes.”

“That’s the one. We received notice today that 3 local universities accepted the offers to work with us.”

“Erik, that’s great news! I am so happy for you and the Center.” DeeDee yelled into the phone and then pulled away. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no it’s ok. Your excitement matched mine when I first heard the news.” Erik told her. “It was a great way to start my day. I mean, outside of knowing that I would talk to you.”

“Awwww, you are just saying that.” DeeDee said and bit her lip, but the smile came through anyway.

“Why don’t you believe me when I say that?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you. I am just not used to hearing that.”

“Uh huh. This coming from the woman who has students chasing after her.”

“First of all, Brandon, is a whole entire mess.” DeeDee rolled her eyes and laughed, “And he doesn’t count.”

“Okay, if you say so.” He paused. “But, is it ok for me to still call you Miss DeeDee?”

“Shut up! You are the reason, I don’t want to hear him call me that anymore.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it is.” DeeDee jumped up from the bench, “Care to keep me company, while I head home?”

“Do you really have to ask?”

“I didn’t want to impose, Mr. Erik.”

“Trust me. You will never have that problem, Miss DeeDee.”

Taglist: @teakturn @ghostfacekill-monger @shaekingshitup @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @woahitslucyylu @ladymac82 @bugngiz @eyeknowmywrites @ajspencer1892 @arafatih @issimplyaamazinggg @tchallasbabymama @killmonger-fics @beautifullmelodyxx @raysunshine78

#25 days of christmas challenge #erik killmonger x oc #black panther fanfiction #bp christmas #all i want #thadelightfulone

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bettsfic · 3 years

Text

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

#pinned #lkwrnl

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smolbeandrabbles · 3 years

Text

Kiss Me Quiet - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

GIF Credit: X @wltz-bby @happyskywhale

‘Tell me something good’ is fantastic line context for later... FYI.😏😏

Author’s Note: Requested by @slurpin! Thank you SO much for your request! Especially as it’s Nolan 🥰🥰🥰

Well if there’s one good thing to come out of my slight writing (and life in general) spiral, it’s the first few paragraphs of this fic!

Also this went through three songs before I landed on this one, by accident on youtube as ever, and I loved it *so* much that it had to be the one I used. Kiss Me Quiet - Jess Moskaluke

Disclaimer: RPO naught to do with me / Of course we’re referencing Lacero again / gifs & lyrics not mine Premise: There’s been a lot weighing on your mind recently, even though you’re on holiday. Nolan Sorrento wants to cheer you up, and he’s got a good bottle of wine... Words: 2727 Warnings: sexual connotations / some sexy shenanigans / dirty talk / swearing / drinking.

____

You're laying back chill, biting your tongue Taking it in, looking like you love Listening to me run my pretty little mouth And the sweet soft sound as the words fall out

Oh it's a sexy little dance You watching me talking with my hands Oh and you know I won't quit That look like you're trying to resist my lips says

Tell me what you want, where you wanna go Tell me who you are, what you think Yeah you're smiling like you wanna know All my crazy friends, boy I'll make you laugh Talking 'bout Panama City, best spring break I ever had Baby I know what you want When you crank my favorite song So I'll sing along, yeah, sing along Sing up a riot 'Till you kiss me quiet I'll keep going on and on until you kiss me quiet

Can you keep a secret, I'll whisper in your ear Boy, I'll make you hang onto every word you hear I'll keep spilling it, you keep listening till you can't hold back no more

I'll tell you what I want, where I wanna go Tell you who I am, what I think Yeah you're smiling like you wanna know All my crazy friends, boy I'll make you laugh Taking 'bout Panama City, best spring break I ever had Baby, I know what you want When you crank my favorite song So I'll sing along, yeah, sing along Sing up a riot 'Till you kiss me quiet

---

“How are you feeling?” Was such an odd question to be asked when on top of a hill, in the quiet, in sunshine, looking out over the serene view of Sorrento and the sweeping bay. Gorgeous sapphire blue sea stretching out towards the rest of mainland Europe. It wasn’t that he was asking you how you were feeling, but the tone Nolan was asking it in.

“Hmm?” You looked up at him, the way his blue eyes studied you with careful interest. There was a lot of concern there too. But he stayed sitting where he was; he didn’t want to get closer, didn’t want to smother you if it wasn’t needed or wanted. “You’ve been quiet for a while, nearly all holiday.” “I’m fine.” And you meant it, “Nolan you know me, I just... have quiet spells.” “I was starting to think it was me.” He murmured his thought almost guiltily. And you shook your head. No, no it wasn’t. It was just he, nor the view, could really cheer you up right now. You were fine, that was true, but you couldn’t say you’d raise it above that. Not quite yet anyway. Nolan Sorrento could probably change that around if he wanted; it was already clear by the fact you were up here that he was putting the effort in. Nolan always did. He knew how to break through that, so he could get to hearing the sweet sound of your voice again. Which was certainly one of his favourite things – something he could associate with the comfort of home, calm and welcoming after a long work day, soothing and delicate as you’d hold him and tell him it was all going to be okay, how loud you got when you talked a on and on around something you were passionate about, or when you got mad, or drunk… the way you laughed. That slight waiver you always tried to hide when you were sad that he could pick up on immediately to quiet your fears, or work on making you smile again. Luckily it wasn’t present right now, but Nolan was afraid of hearing it. Then that shake… a delightful thing to be able to draw from you: beside him, on top of him, pinned under him… it didn’t matter where; just that moment. And how it sounded over the phone, how you’d make the tone of your voice sweet, sultry… sexy - everything you would say when he was a little too far away from you for a little too long… Nolan shuffled uncomfortably for a moment where he was sitting and cleared his throat – painfully aware he’d thought on that for a little too long. All he had to do was get you talking about something that made you happy, something that would bring you back to life. Pull you from whatever had got you so far gone… Maybe he could flirt with you, maybe he could even get you blushing. Nolan knew that he’d have to be careful with that one though; one false move and you’d be driven away, or you’d snap at him. That was a fine line, he’d just have to be careful and coax it out of you. Luckily the planned date was a picnic up here, so, admire the views all you want but cracking open a good bottle of wine was going to change all that; even if your only thought was put to teasing him about it. As you heard him rummaging around you couldn’t help be curious: Nolan muttered to himself - in Italian you had to note - as he uncorked the bottle, and although your first thought was ‘I hope he isn’t expecting us to drink the whole THING?!’ you couldn’t help but tip your head. Okay, you knew what he was doing, but you’d bite. “Let me guess, that’s Sorrento made?” “Sorrento?” God damn him for rolling the r’s like that, “Close…” He pulled out a glass and skilfully poured it like you might see a mixologist do behind a fancy bar. Party trick? You guessed he’d probably picked it up somewhere. “And what, it’s 1999?” “Oooh…” He smirked, “She’s close, once more.” He held the glass out to you, “But no dice.” “Then what!?” You took it and Nolan showed you the bottle, “Oh. My birth year? I thought it was only good if it was ’99.” “Usually. But, it’s not about me. This time.” He gave a gentle wink, and poured himself a glass before placing the bottle back, “So, to you. And trying to cheer you up!” For a minute your stare at him was blank, before you blinked slowly, “You are… infuriating.” “Ah, so it’s working?” “NO.” Although you couldn’t help but smile into the glass as you sipped. “Look whatever it is, you know I’d do anything to fix it. You do, don’t you?” “Nolan…” you sighed gently, “It’s not you. It’s just… a mood I get into sometimes.” “I know you might not think so,” His head tipped, blue eyes soft, “but I’m a good listener too. Like for like, you listen to me enough. About time I did the same.” You were quiet, staring back at your glass, the reflection of yourself in the red liquid – before you took a deep breath: “I don’t know. Work, I guess.” “Mm?” He raised an eyebrow. “You put in effort and, either no one recognises it or they just take the credit, then you wonder why you bother or… Is this it? Is this the life I’m going to live?” “Well, not everything’s bad right?” You could hear that slight hurt that you would do anything to take back. “N-No. Oh, Nolan, yes I have you! But… I can’t pin all my happiness on you. That’s not fair.” He very nearly tipped the whole glass back, “Fuck ‘em. Come work for me.” You immediately snorted, “Oh no, no no no, I’m not working for IOI.” “What!? Why?” “No way. I couldn’t!” You shook your head vigorously. “You’d be a damn sight better than most of them!” He sounded more desperate than persuasive. “Oh no, I’ve heard so many horror stories!” “Really?” “Yeah, especially about their CEO.” You couldn’t keep a straight face, and began to giggle. His eyes narrowed, smile knowing, “Is that right?” Then you couldn’t help but laugh, “Yes. Can confirm-” “Confirm?!” You waved your hand, laughing at his outrage, “-None of those rumours are true.” “You are on such thin ice!!” Nolan shook his head at you, but was grinning, then indicated to your glass, “Well?!” “Oh,” you looked to it, “you really don’t need me to tell you how good it is, do you?” “Eh, I dunno, feed my ego.” “It’s delicious. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to pick wine for me in a million years.” “That’s my girl!” He smiled, pouring himself another glass, then held it out to toast with yours, “Now I’ve got a smile back on your face, c’mon… let’s talk about something a little nicer!”

So, talk started to turn to other holidays, you’d both been to Sorrento before, both together and alone. In fact one year you’d come out here with your friends and explored the Amalfi coast before heading up to city areas like Rome and Milan; your ‘little’ Italian road trip. Apparently, that didn’t compare to being here with him – and you noticed that smirk – or your ‘best spring break ever’. He’d met your friends and each and every one of them was crazy: it’d been a lot to take in for him at once but once they’d broken through the play-it-straight businessman they all seemed to really like him. He’d never got vibes they didn’t, although Nolan knew why they were protective of you, and you’d never had the inclination to tell him they didn’t like him. But the stories about your adventures together? Downright hysterical. You’d been fairly lucky growing up in ways that Nolan hadn’t. He’d surely worked very hard in a very short period of time to become who he was. You’d always lived fairly comfortably; you at least had no complaints. So, Nolan lived all his wild spring break adventures through you. Much more likely to have spent his own fixing up old gaming and projection systems, or looking after his little sister. You’d had a lot of near misses and dodged bullets and you were the fairly careful one of your friends. Pretty soon you were both crying laughing and Nolan had to ask you to stop for just a second so he could catch his breath. He wasn’t averse to talking about some of his favourite things either, even if they were more recent memories. Even if some of them were just travels he’d got to take with IOI. Even just something he was building or planning for the OASIS. Nolan often had the imagination, but no means of execution. Even with the millions IOI made, he was fairly restricted by the happiness of his shareholders and the board of directors. You’d read his little book of plans that he’d kept ideas in ever since his earliest day of interning with Gregarious Games, and one day you hoped he’d be able to put all of these things into production. For now, Nolan was content and that was all that mattered to you. And all yours on weekends, and holidays. He was not allowed to bring work home with him and, on the rare occasions he did, Nolan always asked your express permission – not that you were going to say no when he was giving you that face. Although by this point, he had his tablet out and was shuffling through your playlist. You weren’t all alone up here, but other visitors to the site were far enough away for it not to disturb them. Nolan nudged the conversation back to you though, so that he could hear your voice, talking about anything and everything, now you were focused on Sorrento, on the view before you. Your tone dreamy and far off; his favourite person talking about one of his favourite places on earth. With fine wine and good Italian food, it was altogether a perfect mix. Nolan was focused so much on your body language, the way you moved, the sounds you made, every nuance of your face that added so much colour to what you were saying… whatever you were saying, because he wasn’t hearing words. But you were clearly talking to him, and asking him questions because the next thing he knew you’d turned your beautiful eyes on his awaiting an answer. “-Nolan!?” “W-what, I’m… I’m sorry I-” You folded your arms with a gasp, teasing, “You weren’t even listening to me?!” “No that’s not it… I was… listening so hard that I didn’t hear a word.” “…That- doesn’t make sense!” “Admiring… the way you say things, not… the what. Who you are. It’s- it just makes me happy. I guess I’m just thinking about you… a lot.” “Oh…” Your voice got quiet for a minute, and you looked to the blanket with a small blush. Ah… there was one…a perfect moment. And a good first chance. “I mean… I can’t figure out whether I like you best on top of me, beneath me, or next to me. What do you think?” Your eyes widened for a second, before flicking back up to meet his. The single beat you missed was to work out if Nolan was being serious, but it was obvious by the glint in his eyes. “I don’t really care, but I do know if these people weren’t around, I would jump you right now!” The slight shock on your face turned into a very pointed smirk. “If you were quiet I’m sure no one would notice…” “I have no intention of being quiet if I’m going to rip through the buttons on your nice shirt, Mr. Sorrento.” “This shirt was pretty expensive. You’re lucky I could cover the cost.” But he winked, “I hope you’ve eaten enough, because trust me you’re gonna need all that energy. I think I’ll go with beneath me. I’m sure there’s a tie somewhere I can bind your wrists with…” The blush across your face deepened and your body immediately latched onto that with an oh! that you were glad didn’t make its way out verbally. “Now I just want you to come over here and fuck me.” “Don’t care who’s watching?” “No.” “Imagine that one in the Columbus papers tomorrow…” Nolan breathed deep, “It’d almost be worth it!” You whined, tipping yourself back onto your hands with a pout. Nolan had this look in his eyes like he knew exactly what he was doing to you, and he wasn’t wrong; he was succeeding in turning you on. “God, I just want my hands all over you.” “Finish the bottle and I’ll consider it.” He sipped gently at his glass again, “I’m not wasting a vintage this good.” “Just pour it on me then.” “Red wine?!” He looked repulsed for a second, “Honey, there’s plenty of things I would lick off your body but red wine is not one of them. I do have a little bit of class.” “Nolan-!” Your protest of his name was breathless. “If it were Champagne, I’d consider it.” “You’re fucking killing me.” “Or just fucking you…” He smirked again, watching the way your chest rose and fell heavily, he could bet on the sweet ache between your thighs right now; touché, Nolan had one of his own that he was trying to control behind that façade. He pulled the bottle out of the basket again and studied the level in the sunlight, “Half glass each aughta do it…” You held yours out eagerly, making Nolan smirk a little harder as he turned to pour it, but his pour was agonisingly slow and he left the bottle tipped as he finished the measure. “C’mere…” He coaxed you gently; he’d been holding back what he really wanted to do all day, Nolan wasn’t about to now. And you weren’t about to resist him, as he pulled you into a wine-soaked kiss. You immediately grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to you and hardly caring that you were probably spilling a good amount of this glass everywhere, even though Nolan himself had managed to carefully place the bottle back down, drawing your body closer his hand travelled beneath your skirt and he brushed his fingers delicately over your panties. This time your moan was into his kiss. Nolan pulled back with a chuckle, but his fingertips lingered there and he continued to tease you, “Mmm… I thought so. You’re already so wet, for me.” His voice was husky and you couldn’t help shiver in pleasure. “Nolan…” Your face was red and he wasn’t sure if it was the wine finally getting to you, or your blush was just that deep, but you looked gorgeous, and your voice was at a needy pitch. Yes, it was getting hard to control himself… He allowed you to kiss him again; and that wine tasted even better from your lips. “I know I shouldn’t be saying this on holiday but can we go back to our hotel room?’ Your voice was quiet, and your hands were steadying your body against his as he continued to touch you. Nolan’s smile was soft, as if you were sitting across from him at a fine restaurant and he was being an absolute gentleman, “Ab-so-lute-ly.” He circled your sweet spot with every syllable and you bit back your whine this time. “Will you speak Italian to me all the time too?” If there was one other thing that could get you off, it was that. You couldn’t trust him to speak Italian in anything less than the sexiest manner possible with his only intent to get you to push him against a wall, or beg him to find a quieter place at the party to get a little quick and dirty. He smirked deliciously once more, “Va bene.” And you cursed, shivering as Nolan leant forward to kiss your neck. Your stomach gave a flutter as he removed his hand from between your thighs – not for long… Soon your clothes would be strewn all over the floor of your hotel instead…

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Thank you for reading my lovelies! 😘😘

#slurpin #Nolan Sorrento #Nolan Sorrento x Reader #Ready Player One #Ben Mendelsohn #This website needs some new Nolan gifs...#TBH Nolan is just one big struggle after the other #Promise the other request is longer than this by *quite* a large margin #Smol Bean Drabbles #Linzi Writes Requests #Linzi Writes #There will never be enough Nolan Sorrento on my blog #Using all my favourite Nolan tropes here: Wine Connoisseur + Speaking Italian #+ Secret Softie #+ Sorrento in Sorrento #+ Fixer of retro stuff + little black book of ideas and inventions #+ That one reference to Lacero #192

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leo-interactive-fiction · 3 years

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So I've been going through your posts since I am really interested in the asks you answer (be it world-building, what if scenarios etc.) and I found the one where the TA ROs played the pocky game, and thought it was really cute. Would you humour me and do it for PoP too? Es quickly became one of my favorite characters EVER and since PoP is a bit of a side project I thought I'd have to be the creaky wheel (is that how that saying goes?) Either way, loving your characters dude!

Haha, it’s true that I don’t really get many PoP asks, but all the characters hold a place in my heart haha. I’m happy you’re able to enjoy what little there is of the characters and the world, as well as all the content provided by this blog. As for the scenario, let’s see...

La: They stare off, folding their arms as they look next to you instead of directly at you, “Are you challenging me? In my own metaphorical dojo? You’re gunna lose. I’m gunna beat you so hard domestic courts will rule in my favor off fear alone.” “I thought you’ve never kissed anyone” “What!” La steps away perturbed, “Pocky and Rocky never had that! It was an arcade shooter! What version have you been playing?!”

Ai: They clap their hands closed delightfully, “That sounds like quite the romantic venture! Shall we go looking for a suitable partner?” Their expression slowly transitions to confusion as you explain you were planning on playing with them. Their moderate smile returns, this time with an abashed quality as they rest a hand on their face in thought, “Oh my, it doesn’t seem my programming took this situation into account! Or perhaps I’m experiencing an error...”

Ki: “Are you sure about this?” their speech is slightly muffled by the edible stick resting in their mouth. From this distance, you can clearly see the resolve begin to crumble along with the rise of a unique blush, which seems to also appear in greyscale on their monochromatic avatar. Before they can think to call it off, you begin the game, though it’s not long until the stick somehow breaks in half. Ki’s expression seems half parts relieved and disappointed.

Es: They seem to be concentrating hard on something on the other side of the room as they talk in their darkly enigmatic way, “I suggest you concede from this battle. It may only end in horrible distruction...” “Are you blushing?” “T-That’s the darkness within my soul yearning to be released! Don’t look, or you may be forever blinded!” They attempt to cover your eyes.

Data: They kick in the air idly as they hover, humming a response to your question, “I guess it could be fun...” As the game starts, you gnaw on your end of the stick. And gnaw. And gnaw. And gnaw. Eventually you look up and find Data on the other end, a smug countenance lighting their face as they continuously spawn more pocky sticks in place of the original. “You had a hungry look in your eyes. Don’t thank me.”

Bl: “A game, is it?” they lift their sunglasses onto their head, glancing at their watch, “It is getting quite late, so only if it’s quick.” You assure them and rapidly explain the rules, sticking the pocky in their mouth and directing them to hold it. Their eyes narrow in skepticism, “I’m sensing some kind of ulterior motive here. Are you trying to use this as leverage to kiss me?” “No--” “You’re lying,” they seem to have found something in your face to confirm their thought, releasing their hold of the snack and returning their gaze to the watch, “I don’t have anymore time today. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.” they disappear in a gentle flash of swirling code.

Or: They jump right on the idea with a smile to match their eagerness, “Of course I’ll help, but...” they draw to the same distance the pocky would place you in, though you haven’t yet taken the treat out, “Can you promise me something...?” “A promise?” They hide a small chuckle behind closed fingers, “If I play your game, then you have to play mine. Fair is fair. Do you promise...?”

Thank ya for the ask! It’s always fun to return to these characters haha

#palace of paradise #romance options

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therenlover · 3 years

Text

Five More Minutes (aka A Ten Minute Break with Imaginary Zemo)

(So uh, this is a weird little writing project I did. It’s kinda experimental and a deep dive into my messy little brain, so that’s that. I hope you guys like it, because it was just a warm up, but I decided to post it cause it didn’t turn out half bad. Sorry that it’s uber specific to me, lol)

Synopsis: A writer imagines her muse as she struggles through anxieties and self loathing. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you’re being cared for than it is to care for yourself.

Rating: T

Warnings; Swearing maybe? Vague references to depression and general trauma

Word Count: 2000~

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Zemo walks through the door while I’m taking a break.

He’s soft around the edges, watching me with a gaze that seems intent on telling me he doesn’t approve of whatever it is I had done this time. I simply regard him with a quiet nod and let my eyes drift closed once again. The bed is warm below me but a cool spring rain pours down heavy and hard outside the open window. I like to write with the breeze flowing. It helps me focus on more than wanting to sleep. This is a break, though; a small allowance of time where I can fold my hands behind my head and relax without worrying about my next deadline. I stretch my legs out further, recumbent, as he sits at the end of the bed.

“Look who decided to come back home,” I taunt him, “How long has it been? A week? Two?” The bitterness is a farce, a facade I put up more for my own benefit than his.

Helmut sighs before he replies, “I shall always return when you call me, Schatz,”

“It doesn’t feel like you will.”

“Despite that, it is true,” Slowly, from behind the darkness of my still-closed eyes, I hear the soft clink of china. Interesting… I let one eye open just a sliver to peer down the bed. Helmut is sitting there, eyes full of that special adoration he holds just for me, and in his outstretched hand, he holds a steaming cup of tea. Hedging my bets, I begrudgingly set my laptop aside and reach down to take it from him. Something is better than nothing and I haven’t had water in hours, maybe days. He knows that all too well. Why else would he have brought tea?

The first sip is taken silently while Zemo simply gauges my reaction to his presence. He and I both know that I can be… picky when it comes to his affections. If they come at the wrong time I am almost certain to deny him. This time, though, he arrived at a just-right place between sleep and work that allows me to give in to his endless and thorough affections. The tea is warm and sweet, and I finish the cup less than a minute after he handed it to me.

That makes him smile. It’s infectious. Less than a minute later I’m smiling with him. In a simple moment, all the ice that had built on my heart in the wake of his absence had melted. All it took was some good tea and his presence, strong and constant at my side, to ease the discomfort from weeks apart.

Helmut is the one to break the silence.

“Did you get my gift a few nights ago?”

I nod, sitting up a bit to scoot to the end of the bed. “You were the one who dropped off dinner?”

“Of course it was. I’m here to aid you, my love,” for an instant he pauses, something akin to jealousy flashing across his face, “I may be… absent sometimes, but no one else here can help you the way I do. I don’t really see why you keep them around, quite honestly. Most of them are selfish pri-”

“Helmut,” I warn him, and he backs off. He always does if I ask him to. His loyalties lie firmly in my comfort and my comfort alone.

“The point is, you are mine and mine alone to care for. If not always, then when I can,”

“Well, I appreciate it,”

A practiced hand makes its way to my bare knee, exposed by my shorts. I don’t complain. Helmut is here to help, and if rubbing away the aches caused by the rain is what he wants to do, I have no objection. His digits massage it with care. The constant steady pressure is grounding. To ease the process I beckon Helmut further up onto the bed. In just a moment of shuffling, I find myself between his legs with my back to his chest as he restarts his gentle probing of my knee. I let my head rest against him and just breathe. There’s a peace to it.

Neither of us feels the need to move.

Somewhere outside the room, we can hear Andrea begin to practice his violin. The sweet sounds are more relaxing to me than they are to Helmut, who hates the reminder of his housemates, but he can’t deny that the boy plays well. He would like to think, though, that he plays better. I don’t pick favorites, but it’s one battle that I wouldn’t want to miss, should things come down to it.

We stay like that for a while, him massaging my aching joints while I use his broad, soft chest as a pillow, but eventually, he speaks again. We both know what’s coming. I’m just not quite ready to acknowledge it yet. He always broaches the subject when it’s time.

He knows I couldn’t do it if I tried.

“You’re pushing me out again,” his voice is a low hum, “why must you always push me out just when I’ve gotten close to you?” He presses soft kisses to my hair as I sigh. It’s my turn for words but I know I can’t say them. Not to him and not to anyone else. Instead, I let myself turn cold again.

“Maybe if you were more useful, I’d keep you around more often. Besides, you’re a grown man. You can come and go as you please. If you wanted to stay, you would,”

“We both know that’s not true,”

Helmut’s right. He always is. That doesn’t mean I ever listen to him, but when he softly coos in my ear about eating or resting he’s always right, I always need it. Sometimes I think it would be better if I gave in. I never do though, it’s not worth the fallout that would follow.

Still, I let myself get a bit closer to giving in this time. Just close enough that I won’t feel so raw once he’s gone again. A modicum of extra comfort can be allowed from time to time if used sparingly, and I take the word sparingly very seriously.

“Five more minutes,” I whisper into his warm skin, “Please, I just want five more minutes,” It’s not a question, it’s a plea, and not to him. No, it’s a plea to the universe, to the cruel god that separates us…

To myself.

Helmut removes his hand from its place rubbing out the aches in my wrists and lets his arms wrap around me, encasing me in his warmth and holding me tight to his body. He’s warm. So, so warm against the frosty chill of my own skin.

“Of course, Schatz. I will always have five more minutes for you,”

If Helmut had his way, he’d have every minute of my day. He doesn’t, though. He can’t. Five extra will just have to do until he finds a way to creep back through my door and into my good graces. Then we will have five more minutes again and again until there’s nothing left of us and no more minutes left to spend. Until then, the game goes on.

Outside, the rain pick’s up its pitter-pattering into a full downpour.

The water comes in through the opened window, but neither of us moves to close it. Water damage doesn’t matter where we are anyway. Especially not when the timer is ticking down.

I cry when I croak out words again.

“I don’t understand why I can’t let you stay,” I say, throat dry with angry tears, “I don’t understand why I do this to myself,”

It’s a lie, we both know exactly why I push him away, but Helmut bites his tongue. We don’t speak of those things, the things that creep deep in my mind and pull the strings of my marionette. That’s not his job. Part of me wishes it was.

Instead of trying to explain away my reasons for doing what I do, though, Helmut simply holds me tighter. “Someday, you won’t have to. You will be happy, Schatz; happy and free to rest whenever you feel the need to. I may not be here to see it, but it will happen, and when it does you’ll know just how proud I am of you,”

“You promise?”

“I promise,”

His heart thuds heavy under my ear, his weight a constant against my shoulders. If I close my eyes tight enough I can hear him humming a tune. The clock ticks down the seconds till his departure. I cling to him for every last second that I can.

“Should I send someone else in when I leave?” He asks softly.

I shake my head no.

“Not even Laszlo?”

“Not even Laszlo,” I sigh. What I don’t say is that the pain of his absence will numb me of everything once he’s gone. What he doesn’t need to know can’t hurt him. Instead, I offer up some half-assed explanation from nowhere, just to make myself feel better about the lie. “He only helps me write the academic stuff. Fiction isn’t his wheelhouse,”

“Ah,” Helmut whispers, and as he does I can feel him start to shift away. Five minutes always pass too fast in the arms of a lover. I wipe my tears as he collects my teacup. “When will you call me back to you,”

“Soon, I hope,”

“But when?”

He asks not for himself, but for me, because he knows what happens when I don’t call him back to me. He’s seen it in the circles rimming my eyes and the ribs that jut painfully from my skin and most of all in the wheezing coughs and winces that escape my lips when I breathe too deep. It’s my choice to make, though, and mine alone.

I hate that I can’t give him a straight answer.

“Maybe tonight, if I’m lucky, you can come in and hold me while I sleep,” It’s an empty promise, just short of a lie. It doesn’t matter though. It’s as close to the truth as I can bear to acknowledge for myself when my eyelids droop lower by the second. Unfortunately, I probably won’t sleep at all.

“No dinner?” There’s no disappointment in Helmut’s voice, but I wish there was. Instead I’m met with acceptance. he knows me well enough that there is no fighting my self destruction, only easing it.

“I’m too behind,” I explain, “It would take too much time. This break was already pushing it. I have three fics to finish by Friday and if I don’t…” The consequence went unsaid.

Helmut nods, stoic. “I shall see you again when you call on me next, Schatz,”

With that, he’s gone again and I’m alone. The chill from the rain sinks deep in my bones as I scrub the remaining tears and sleep from my eyes before grabbing my laptop again. Maybe if I worked a little harder, I could manage to sleep through the night or eat a whole meal. Helmut would be back then, as real as I could will him to be, to serve as a reminder and a companion through it all.

The words on the screen seem like a foreign language. Sleep that has evaded me for days threatens to creep into my mind but I shove it out forcefully and turn up the brightness. Sleep won’t help me now, not with the aching in my heart that screams at the slightest bit of rest. The ache doesn’t have a name like the self care does, or the softness or the anger or the book-smarts. The ache is just me.

The rest are too, but less so. They’re easier to accept that way.

I push on.

Just a little more work… just a couple more tens of thousands of words…

Alone again and wetted by rain and tears, I weep and write.

------

a/n: Basically, Helmut is a personification of my ability to care for myself. I always want to, and I resent myself for not doing it more, but I just... can’t. Andrea and Laszlo are both also technically representative of feelings in my brain, but those feelings aren’t specified here. I hope you enjoyed that weird little ramble, though! It was nice to deep dive into my brain in a weird way and do some good, old fashioned therapy writing. I’m a slut for a good extended metaphor.

#jac rambles #jac talks about zemo #I don't blame you if you don't read this #technically its a reader insert I guess #even if its an uber specific one

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lilydalexf · 4 years

Photo

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Marasmus

Marasmus only has a handful of fics left at Gossamer, but you can find more X-Files fics at AO3 (as finisterre). Some of my favorites of her stories I've recced here before, including one of the most clever fics you could read, Cellphone (here at AO3), and the lovely, London-set A Candle for Katherine (here at AO3, bonus commentary at LJ). Big thanks to Marasmus for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Mine, yes, older XF in general, no — some of that stuff is amazing. Though I wonder how well fandom operates now there is not a plethora of rec sites. I know of yours and one more Tumblr blog and that’s it. I find it really difficult to find good stories in any fandom unless someone whose taste maps to mine recommends something.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I look back on it fondly, but it was one of the first things that really hammered it home to me that every grouping throughout life follows the pattern of school.

A lot of people are really talented and funny and kind. Then there are absolute ego-rampaging nightmares who act like lady bountiful in public but do cruel things in private, or chuck their toys out of the pram at the least provocation.

And like school, fandom brings together a disparate group of people who you’re friendly with, but once you leave, the ones you stay in touch with are your friends.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Thank God.

I watched the show pre-widespread internet and mostly when I had almost no money. I didn’t have regular internet access until the third season, and that was only at my incredibly conservative workplace. I didn’t get home internet access until midway through season six. You couldn’t download episodes easily, you couldn’t stream, you just had to wait until it aired overseas. I decided I didn’t care if I was spoiled and that worked for me. In fact for some particularly annoying episodes, I was glad.

I was a newsgroup and mailing list sort of person. Never really did message boards unless a newsgroup counts, though I had a Haven account.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Mostly, how talented people are. I know some are now professional writers, but so many people who didn’t do it as anything but a hobby were also amazing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I always liked science fiction, oddness and urban legends, so it was kind of made for me. But it was the relationship between Mulder and Scully that kept me around, and after season six, it was the fandom that kept me around. I loved Scully in particular, cos let’s be honest, Mulder can be kind of a twerp at times.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I hung out on alt.tv.xfiles.analysis (a newsgroup), which was one of the smartest boards I’ve ever been on. The threads were full of well-read, erudite people. That led to a site which collated reviews of XF episodes. They mentioned alt.tv.xfiles.creative, and I got there the summer after Gethsemane, which was pretty optimal timing.

I’d take floppy disks into conservative workplace and quietly download the most gloriously filthy fanfic onto them for reading at home on my ancient second-hand Mac.

After that I joined Scullyfic, a mailing list, which was a lovely place to hang out for a while, and got stories through a couple of other mailing lists.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Like my relationship to ice hockey: glad that activity exists and that some people enjoy it, but not watching and not involved myself.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Reading, yes, and writing the odd bit of feedback, but any other fandom involvement didn’t really take. I’ve never found a bunch of people I liked as well as I liked some of the people in XF.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I am usually more interested in female characters than male ones (the Doctor, Mulder and Jack O’Neill notwithstanding), which is why I only read a bit of m/m slash. I usually develop a perverse dislike for any woobie the fandom loves.

Some favourites are: Samantha Carter and Jack O’Neill, Granny Weatherwax, Furiosa, everyone from The Good Place, Donna Noble, Sarah Jane Smith, Martha Jones and Yasmin Khan, Maia from The Goblin Emperor, Cordelia Naismith and Miles Vorkosigan, General Leia Organa, Rey and Finn, and lately all of The Old Guard, even Booker...

I like nerds, pining, best friends discovering feelings for each other, second chances, redemption narratives, people being sneaky for good ends and stoics who stay stoic through all kinds of misery, only to crack and start crying when they get a happy ending.

Basically, you know Eleanor at the end of the Emma Thompson Sense and Sensibility? That.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

No. I had about four years there where I made up stories about Mulder and Scully on any commute where I’d forgotten a book, but that’s gone now. I watched two episodes of the revival, but it wasn’t for me.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I occasionally wander in and read a bit on AO3, but nothing that deals with anything past season seven. Not interested in William, not interested in domestic fiction, not even interested in post-col any more, which was 100% my crack during XF fandom days. I did read By the Dim and Flaring Lamps [Lilydale note: by @sunflowerseedsandscience] earlier this year. Love a bit of AU historical.

I read lots of different fandoms, though I am between intense enthusiasms at the moment, which always feels a bit odd.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Yes, but they’re all about 20 years old. Is there such a thing as fandom classics any more? There used to be a litany of stories that ‘everyone should read’. I wonder how well they hold up now.

I think there are waves of writers who come into a fandom and then leave again: I think I was part of a second wave, with the first wave being Mustang Sally, RivkaT, Karen Rasch, Lydia Bower, Nascent etc.

Then there must’ve been a third wave for the revival (and mini-waves in between). I don’t know that group of writers, so I am probably leaving out people who are really good.

One of my favourite Scully voices is Five Years and One Night [Lilydale note: by Shalimar], because of the contrast between her inner monologue as written and how little she actually says.

I really like quieter, thoughtful authors like Michelle Kiefer, Cecily Sasserbaum, Scullysfan, Cofax, Anjou, Maria Nicole, Kipler. Love everything Kel ever wrote.

At one point there were also about three authors called Rachel who were knockout. I like to think Rachel Howard is writing professionally because it’s a waste of talent if she’s not. Rachel Anton had a crazy gift for pacing and wrote a good Krycek.

I really liked Branwell’s strange AU novels, which riff off The Field Where I Died (a wretched episode but so much good writing came from it.) [Lilydale note: Condemned to Repeat It by Branwell is a really long story involving The Field Where I Died.]

Everyone who is reccing other people’s stuff here is also a good writer. (and their taste in recs is — mostly — excellent): http://www.thebasementoffice.com/museaxfnet/museans/TitlesAF.html

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I like The Flexible Concept of Tomorrow. I loved trying to work out the timelines. I like the one about airships and cross-dressing which only exists on my iPhone and in my imagination right now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Only an AU, if ever. I am completely at sea with canon.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

In my head. Mostly AUs. Everyone has daemons! It’s an airship! They’re exploring space! It’s mediaeval Slovenia!

Most of my creativity is sucked away by work. Which is good I suppose, as writing fanfic never paid my Netflix subscription.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Reading long-form journalism and non-fiction books.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Well, I changed mine. The first one was picked out of a magazine article about Branwell Bronte, and I liked the shape of the word. Then I got to feel uncomfortable with it because it was a real illness that made people suffer. The current one comes from the shipping forecast when I was a kid.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

No, and also absolutely not. Over my dead body. Over YOUR dead body.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I took my stories off Gossamer but I don’t remember why. They’re on AO3 now and there are probably stray copies on some archives out there.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I have made all of these mistakes. All of ‘em.

— On no account offer unsolicited concrit. In fact, do not provide concrit EVEN IF THE PERSON ASKS FOR IT, unless you know them reasonably well and it’s in private.

— Avoid the wank. If you have the perfect riposte to something awful, write it and file it to drafts for two days. If you still want to send it after that, godspeed.

— Write anything you want, and when you start keep going. You can edit later.

— Never put any story into the public sphere unless you’ve had a second pair of eyes on it, preferably the eyes of someone who is willing to say “are you SURE about that?”

Finally, just have fun. Being in the grip of love of story is a wonderful thing, and you never know how long it will last.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 29, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #marasmus #finisterre

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pearl-pilots-in-chains · 3 years

Text

Ice Cream Expertise (All the Little Lights #1)

Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Ships: Kawoshin

Rating: G

Summary: Shinji is faced with a dilemma of sorts, and is characteristically indecisive. Fortunately, Kaworu is there to give some helpful advice. Or maybe just call himself an ice cream expert. Let's be honest, it's a bit of both.

Notes: This is intended to be the start to All the Little Lights, my attempt at a relatively happy Evangelion high school AU featuring the pilots we know (and maybe love) actually getting to live a normal life (including all the cute gay romance they deserve). That said, it also works totally fine as a one shot. Considering it's an AU, there's going to be some rather interesting deviations from canon, some of which are alluded to here. So, if something seems off, that's probably because it is.

As usual, any errors, grammatical or typographical, are mine. I apologize in advance.

This was originally posted to my old AO3 on May 21, 2020. I hope you enjoy it!

_________________________________________________________

Shinji Ikari was not having a good day. No, perhaps that was an understatement. He was having a distinctly bad day. School had been tedious to say the least, considering that testing week was approaching, and the teachers seemed to be doing their best to “prepare” the students using every form of academic torture known to humankind. Okay, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it had been a hectic hell all the same. Not to mention the fact that his best friend Touji was going through a rough patch (not the first one, mind you), with his girlfriend Hikari, which led to a tense mood within their friend group outside of class as well. Adding onto this was the fact that he was getting worried about his sister (what wasn’t new?) Rei, who had been especially quiet the past week or so, even by her standards. That was usually a sign that her depression was going through a rough spot. He had wanted to mention something to his mother about it, considering she usually had better luck at getting through to Rei than he did when his sister was going through a difficult time, but unsurprisingly, he hadn’t gotten around to it yet. He was gone too often, and his mother was gone too often. There was all of a one to two hour period when they were both home and awake on any given night. Rei always ending up alone probably doesn’t help her state of mind improve either. I wish she had more friends. People she could connect with.

And, of course, to top all that wonderful baggage off, he had had work after school, which had gone lovely. Just lovely. A simply wonderful group of customers had come in, and stayed for a better part of three hours, ordering intermittently while they all talked (way too loudly, in his opinion) at their shared table, which, in a predictable move, they hadn’t even bothered to clean off. He was a barista, not a waiter, despite what some people seemed to think. To make matters worse, they had been laughing so hard partway through their “discussion,” that one of the party had practically flung her iced latte through the air by accident (how someone could do that by accident, was a whole other topic for conversation), sending its contents flying halfway across the room (in a bafflingly impressive display, he had to admit, as irritating as it was). Of course, he had drawn the short straw and been the one tasked with cleaning it up. His boss seemed to get a special satisfaction out of giving Shinji all the “fun,” jobs. Okay, maybe Mr. Anno’s not that bad, but he still gets a kick out of watching me suffer. Or something like that.

Shinji sighed as he pulled his car into the store parking spot. As he exited it, he glanced down at his phone. 7:16. That meant he should have enough time to get home and get dinner going before his mother got home. These days, it seemed as though she worked progressively later and later. It had been a couple months since she’d been home before 8. She was almost certainly still out at the base at that moment. Whatever project she’s working on now is one of the more intensive ones.

He headed for the doors. He was planning on making stir fry, which meant that he needed to get soy sauce for sure, since he knew they had run out from the last time. He thought they had most of the rest of what he needed at home. So, this should be a quick run. Just in and out. After a day like today though, he was tempted to grab something sweet. Come on, after this whole mess, I think I at least half deserve something to take my mind off of it. Just a little.

Inside, he made a bee line for the condiments aisle. Alright, first things first. Get what I need. Then, maybe, I’ll just check out what they have. He grabbed soy sauce, and then wavered for a moment, trying to decide just for what he was in the mood. Okay, just something little. Nothing too big. I am going to be cooking, after all. Hmmm . . . I mean, it’s probably not the best idea, but . . .

Making his decision, he set off for the frozen section. Once again, he paused when he arrived at the aisle, looking through the glass freezer doors at the available options. I’ll just get a pint. That should be more than enough. Even if Rei goes for some too. ‘Cause mom hardly ever eats anything sweet, so I doubt she’ll have any. He tilted his head, tapping the soy sauce bottle against his thigh as he considered the selection. Why are there so many flavors? I didn’t even realize they sold Pumpkin outside of November. And Lime-Raspberry? What would that even taste like? Who comes up with these things? I’ll go for something classic. I could always do Vanilla. But, that’s a little boring. I don’t even really like it that much. Chocolate’s always classic, except that Rei doesn’t like it. And her favorite is Cookie Dough, which I don’t like the texture of . . . there are way too many choices here. Running his eyes over the racks, he did a quick count. Forty-two different flavors. Why are there forty-two different flavors? I wonder if anyone’s ever tried them all. Then again, that might take a while. And be kind of pricey. Dammit, I’m getting distracted again. The only conclusion that Shinji was coming to was the fact that he liked ice cream far too much, and was wasting far more time than he should be trying to pick out something. Maybe I should just get the soy sauce and head home. He peaked down at his phone. 7:29. Yeah, I’ve already been here longer than I should be.

A voice interrupted Shinji’s thoughts. “So, what’s your drug of choice?”

Shinji head snapped to the side, his concentration broken. “What?,” He asked, a little surprised.

The source of the interruption was standing a little further down the aisle, casually leaning on one of the freezer windows, his head cocked to the side, watching Shinji with a friendly smile on his face. Shinji thought the interrupter looked to be about the same age as him, though that fact was complicated slightly by the fact that though his face was youthful, his hair was an ashen grey. He must dye it. Is grey hair a style though? The interrupting individual sported a pair of black jeans and a band shirt for a group whose name looked vaguely familiar to Shinji. Porcupine Tree . . . I feel like Rei might listen to them. Maybe. Not to mention the fact that the newcomer had red eyes. Red eyes. Okay, so maybe this is a look he’s going for. I mean, those are definitely contacts, right? Unless there’s a genetic mutation I’ve never heard of, I don’t think humans can be born with red eyes. Which means that they’re contacts. Which means that the hair is almost definitely dyed too. I’m pretty sure that’s not what ‘scene’ looks like . . . there’d be brighter colors . . . and I don’t think it’s emo either . . . I’m pretty sure his hair would be black then . . . huh . . . maybe that’s goth. Yeah. Let’s go with that. In addition to making him second guess what scene fashion looked like, Shinji’s visual analysis of the interrupter also led him to a more definite conclusion. That regardless of what category his fashion fell under, he was pretty cute. Seriously Shinji, focus here, and stop thinking about how some random boy in Safeway who asked you what type of drugs you like is cute. Don’t be an idiot. Sure, you haven’t been on a date in months, ever since Martin broke up with you, but he was a manipulative jerk anyway— Shinji realized the interrupter had started talking again, which snapped him back into reality and out of his wandering mind.

“Yeah. What flavor is your favorite. I mean, out of the forty-two, there has to be one you’d pick, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Probably cookies ’n’ cream,” Shinji answered, feeling more than a bit confused. On an afterthought, he added, “You’ve counted all the flavors too?”

“Not a bad choice,” the boy said with a firm nod. “Although, I’m more into mint chocolate chip myself. And yes, I’ve counted them all. It’s an important part to being an ice cream expert. Keeping track of the available flavors at the nearest store.”

“Okaayyy.” Shinji’s tone betrayed his uncertainty concerning just how he should deal with this stranger. “Ice cream expert?”

“Yep, that would be me,” the boy replied matter-of-factly, as though the question was a pointless one. He strolled over to Shinji and extended his hand. “Kaworu Akagi, ice cream expert, at your service.”

Shinji shook the offered hand, deciding he should be polite, despite the fact that his perplexity had not been substantially diminished in any way. This guy is . . . interesting, to say the least. As their hands met, Shinji was struck by the strange, but intense, sense that this wasn’t his first time meeting Kaworu.

“Shinji Ikari.” Against his better judgement, he decided to follow his introduction with, “Have we met before?”

Retracting his hand, Kaworu pursed his lips, ostensibly mulling over the question in his mind. After a few moments, he shook his head. “I don’t think so. At least, not that I can recall. I just got into town a few days ago. Why do you ask?”

Shinji shrugged, trying to play off his earlier question. “Oh, I think you just reminded me of someone I used to know.”

Kaworu nodded, seeming to accept this answer. “Ah, that makes sense. So, have you come to a conclusion, or would you like a second opinion?”

Shinji raised an eyebrow. “About the ice cream, you mean?”

“Indeed. That is the topic on the floor, as they say,” Kaworu responded nonchalantly.

Shinji blinked. “Who says?”

“Why, they do of course.”

“Oh. Umm, alright.” Shinji looked back through the window, surveying his options once more. A obvious choice didn’t present itself. “Well . . . I suppose a second opinion probably wouldn’t hurt.”

“Great,” Kaworu stated, his tone even and pleasant. “Any occasion in particular you’re buying for?”

Shinji shook his head. “Nope, not really. Just . . .” he hesitated, uncertain how much he wanted to tell someone who was still basically a stranger to him. “Just a bad day,” was what he ended up deciding on.

Kaworu pretended to stroke nonexistent hairs on his chin, nodding slowly as did so, in an amusing imitation of the stereotypical philosopher. “Hmm . . . ice cream for a bad day, you say?”

“Uh. Yeah. I guess so.”

“I’d have to recommend Cherry Chip for that. It’s a guaranteed mood improver from my experience. It is nearly impossible to feel down while you’re eating Cherry Chip ice cream.”

“Really?” Shinji’s ice wandered down the display, finally locating the flavor in question. Fortunately, they had it in pint size, which meant that the option was on the table. He couldn’t think of any reason not to go for it. As far as he knew, Rei liked Cherry Chip. At least, he thought she did. He wasn’t entirely sure that he’d ever seen her eat it. For that matter, he wasn’t entirely sure that he’d ever eaten it himself. Which means it might be pretty good, and I just don’t know it yet. You never know. “Really. Trust me, I’ve tested its potency. It won’t let you down.”

“Alright. Why not?” Shinji opened the door and grabbed a pint of Cherry Chip. He examined the container in his hands for a few seconds, before looking back up at Kaworu, who now seemed to be smiling in encouragement, which had the effect of making him look even cuter than before. Come on Shinji, don’t get distracted! Sure, he might be attractive, but he’s also a self-proclaimed ice cream expert. . . not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing yet, to be honest.

“That’ll do the job,” Kaworu remarked, in a straightforward tone that made it sound as though he was utterly confident in the truth of his words.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Shinji furrowed his brow as another question popped into his mind. “Hey .. . you said you just got into town a few days ago. How is it that you already know all the different flavors they have here?”

“It was one of the first things I scoped out after we got into town. Always important to know what kind of ice cream game you’re going to be dealing with. Plus, I had plenty of free time once we finished unpacking, considering I won’t be in school up here until the fall.”

“Ah, okay. That makes sense.” Almost on a whim, Shinji was tempted to ask Kaworu where he had moved from, but decided that could come across as prying a little too much, since Kaworu hadn’t offered that information. As it was, Kaworu gave a partial answer to the question without Shinji even verbalizing it.

“School down south ends earlier. Though, to be fair, it also starts earlier there as well. We left a couple days after my semester ended. Which means I currently have relatively few obligations, other than locating and obtaining a job for the summer.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Shinji still wasn’t exactly sure how to respond, but he decided to field a question of his own. He figured it could come across as a polite inquiry, rather than being nosy, taking into account what Kaworu had just revealed. “So, what brought you up north?”

“My mother got transferred out to the base,” Kaworu returned offhandedly.

Shinji tilted his head in response to this answer, the gears in his brain turning. Well, that’s interesting. He almost wanted to make some sort of follow-up remark expressing their similarity in that regard, but he decided that might be a bit too much to say for the moment. Instead, he merely offered a casually, “I gotcha.” He continued with an amiable, “Well, welcome to Asherdale,” along with a more ironic, “It’s halfway decent, once you get used to it.”

Kaworu’s face broken into a grin at the humor, an expression that Shinji couldn’t help but feel made him look all the more attractive. Oops, getting distracted again. . . don’t do that . . . too much.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Kaworu said warmly.

“No problem.” The thought suddenly entering his mind, Shinji shot a momentary glance down at his phone. Hmm, what time is it? The answer was 7:37. 7:37?! I’ve been talking for eight minutes?! That felt like four or five at the most. I have to bail, now, if I’m going to make it home in time to get cooking.

He looked back up at Kaworu, who was still watching him, his gaze soft, the smile still on his face, his head tilted to the side. Shinji had the strange feeling that if it had been anyone else, the observational pose the boy had struck would have looked unusual, to say the least, but somehow, on Kaworu, it didn’t look half bad. It gives him a kind of elegant aesthetic . . . okay, where did I come up with that? I definitely need to head out.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry to leave so quick, but I need to get going.” Shinji cringed a little internally, hearing the awkward tone in his voice. You could have said that in a way that didn’t basically announced the fact that it made you flustered. Great going.

“Understandable. You wouldn’t want that ice cream to melt before you get the chance to test out its powers.”

“Haha, yeah, you know it.”

Kaworu nodded, imply that yes, he did indeed know it. “Why don’t I give you my number?” He remarked. “That way, you’ll have someone on hand for any future ice cream dilemmas.”

“Ahhh . . .” Okay, that was actually kind of smooth, in an odd way. And . . . it’s not like it could really hurt anything. I mean, he didn’t even ask for my number. Which means he’s not even necessarily flirting with me. It’d probably be a bit of stretch to say he is. After all, if I have his number, and he doesn’t have mine, that means I can choose whether I want to text him or not, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Which isn’t really a good way to flirt with somebody. I think I’m stalling again here . . .”

Shinji noticed Kaworu was watching him again, waiting for a response. “Sure. Sounds like a good plan.” He pulled out his phone and hastily created a new contact, before offering it to Kaworu. “Here, you can put it in.”

Kaworu nodded, his smile remaining intact, and typed in the digits, before handing it back to Shinji. “It was nice to meet you, Shinji Ikari,” he commented affably.

“You can just call me Shinji,” Shinji quickly responded.

“Alright then. It was nice to meet you Shinji.”

“You too . . .” Should I use first and last name like he did the first time? Or just go with first name. I don’t want to offend him, if that’s the sort of thing that’s important to him. After all, he does seem a bit, umm, particular.

“You can just call me Kaworu,” the boy suggested, his smile widening.

“It was nice to meet you Kaworu,” he finished lamely. “Guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yes, maybe so.”

Shinji nodded again, spun on his heels, and promptly made for the registers. Well, that went excellently. You meet a boy who’s kind of cute, even if he is a little eccentric, and straight off the bat, you’re second guessing yourself and fumbling for words. Fantastic.

Shinji shot a brief glance back as he reached the end of the aisle, to see that Kaworu was now retrieving an ice cream carton of his own from the merchandise freezer. Shinji turned away again before the boy could look back in his direction. Don’t want him to think I’m staring at him or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinji collapsed back onto his bed with a satisfied sigh. He was glad to have finally reach it, after the nigh-interminable day. Well, maybe not quite interminable. But definitely overlong. Without much thought, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and spun in about in his hands a couple times, feeling the sensation of the textured case against his skin.

Dinner had been a success, such as it could be, anyway. He had impressed himself with just how fast he managed to throw things together when he went into slight (well, maybe more than slight) panic mode.

The ice cream had been a success as well. He had to admit, Cherry Chip was a pretty good flavor. He still wasn’t sure whether he had tried it before or not, but he was glad he had definitively tried it now. Rei had also enjoyed it, which was an added plus. In fact, their mother had even had a bowl, something altogether unexpected. Apparently, Cherry Chip ice cream was one of the sweets she would indulge in. Didn’t see that coming. All in all, the majority of the pint was no more.

Powering on his phone, Shinji was faced with another choice for the evening. Unlike his earlier ice cream deliberation, however, this cerebration was of a cursory duration. After a few seconds, he had composed the text, and was hovering over the send button. Alright. Let’s do this. He tapped the icon.

Shinji I.: Thanks for the recommendation. It was a good choice! Lol. This is Shinji, btw.

The response to his message came swiftly. Wow, he must type fast.

Kaworu A.: Happy to be of service. I’m glad it worked out.

Shinji found a smile edging its way across his lips. Maybe, in spite of everything, today wasn’t such a bad day after all.

#evangelion #fanfic #kawoshin #shinji ikari #kaworu nagisa #shinji x kaworu #neon genesis evangelion #eva #fanfiction #high school au

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osterfieldshollandgirl · 4 years

Text

Love Stress - H. H Story

Prompt: "Y/n," Harry whined, but your eyes were still fixed on your laptop, "Give me attention!"

A person would think that being in lockdown with your significant other would be a wonderful time due the time you would have to spend time with them. However, they do not count the stress from work due dates getting closer and the more work getting pushed onto you because your boss thinks that you are at home and have nothing better to do than to work all day. After graduating from university with a business administration bachelor’s degree, you thought the job you had would be fun, but it is hard-tiring work at times. Compared to your boyfriend Harry, who is a photographer, so his work is more fun and interesting.

The projects that are assigned to me can either take two hours to complete or it could take a whole day requiring zoom meetings with co-workers to complete it causing some disagreements between Harry and you at times. For example, there was an important deadline that you had to meet but Harry wanted you to model for his photoshoot. You tried to finish it beforehand so that there was enough time to help Harry, but of course, your boss added more work onto that project so that next morning you woke up early to add on those additions. That night before you went to bed early to Harry’s surprise because the plan was to be done by the afternoon to be able to model for him because you were done your work. A sneaky and needy Harry had a different plan though, he climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you in close to his chest while peppering kisses on your neck making you make sweet noises to his ears.

Squirming against his body as he starts to suck harder on your sweet spot on your neck while pushing your hips into his front making him groan and gripping your hips while softly grinding back making you buck and causing friction between you two. Pushing him on his back so that you are straddling him, he grips your hips helping you move in a motion that created pleasure for both of you making you moan out, “Harry, please give me more.” Harry smirks and slyly comments, “Of course love anything for you,” flipping you over so he is on top kissing your lips and grinding harder bringing you both close to finishing. He goes harder while you lift your hips to meet his thrusts and kissing him deeper and more passionately as this moment has not been able to happen lately due to work. He groans and you both come together he lays down and says, “Who knew dry humping could be so hot? I mean I just wanted a kiss but that was way better love.” You laugh into his chest as you rest onto him to get some sleep. You look up to him saying, “I am sorry that we have not been able to be together much, but after next week I WILL have a week off to spend all my time with you. I love you so much I wish I could make you know that more.” He cups my jaw gently tiling my face upward saying lovingly, “Baby, please do not apologize. I understand work is important and I am here for you always. I am always going to support you. I love you to the moon and back.” I lean up and kiss him sweetly and lay back down dazing off to sleep onto Harry’s warm chest. The next morning as you try to get out of bed early, you feel Harry’s arms tighten around my waist as he cuddles deeper into you. You smile amused and admire how lucky you got to be with someone like him, leaning over kissing his forehead as he holds onto to a pillow that you switched to be in your place. Looking back once more to make sure he is okay; you go to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. After getting ready and grabbing the necessary paperwork for the day to finish off the project, you decided the kitchen was the best place, so you do not disturb or wake anyone up. Setting up the office space took less than expected and you got started working right away, in your dream last night the solution to the problem showed up and it helped you to be able to turn in the project before being able to model for Harry’s work.

A pair of footsteps enter the kitchen but you are to wrapped up in your mind and work to notice that it is Harry and that he has placed a cup of tea near your phone on the table and how he sadly walked away with a frown on his face and his head down disappointed that you could not even be able to his photoshoot even if that is the only one thing that he asked for you to do. You are halfway done and see that it is only about ten in the morning and there is plenty of time to get ready for his shot at one. Smiling to yourself and unconsciously sipping on the tea which you remember that you did not make and suddenly think Harry must be awake, not putting together that he must have seen you working and thought you could not do the shoot for him. Pushing the thoughts away, you get to work and finish so you can get ready to make your boyfriend happy again.

Harry’s POV:

I wake up to an empty bed which is normal and see she put a pillow to cuddle into him, it’s a nice token of her genuine niceness but it does not compare to her warmth and love that her body radiates. I hear typing going on in the kitchen knowing it is her and decide to make her some tea and to see what she is up to. I quickly freshen up and go to the kitchen seeing her working with her determination face and laugh to myself as she is adorable when she wants to finish something. As I finish the tea and place it near her phone, I look at her screen and see that it's her big project that is due to today and get a little upset and annoyed she left it until today as she agreed to help me. I shake my head and try not to be selfish and understand that sometimes her work is more important but this shoot is not only for a brand but a chance for us to bond in the day time not only during night time. Then an idea pops up and knowing it may upset her not only because he is replacing her but also that the girl, he is asking is someone who she is not so fond of. I think for the future what is better and decide to text Sarah, “Hey, I know this is last minute, but could you please do a photoshoot for me today?” I get a response in less than a minute with an “Anything for you handsome 😉” I shake my head and make myself get ready for the day and what it is to bring.

Y/N POV:

I do the finishing touches as I hit the save button and see Harry walking around back and forth, I ask out loud, “Love, are you okay?” He stops mid-step looking at me with an odd expression on his face answering coolly, “Yes, I am fine that is if you even care.” I stop typing the email of my boss and turn in my chair as I ask calmly, “Please repeat that, I must have heard you wrong. I care about you and your pacing and gathering are not exactly quiet. I am trying to do an important project here.” He scuffs,” Of course you are assuming that your work is more important than mine. Just because you have a degree and I do not make you better.” I gasp angrily and turn around before I say something, I regret but decide to move along and let him calm down and do his own thing. He mumbles to himself, “Of course you are not going to admit that I am correct. You can never apologize even when you are wrong.” I feel my eyes tearing up and feel one fall down slowly and wipe it quickly before he catches it and comments something petty but it's too late as he already came over and looks at me like I am in the wrong here. “What now you are going to cry because I insulted you, I thought you were so mature, what happened.” I ignore him as he continues, “You know I thought I could trust you when you said you would always help me but now, I am not so sure. I feel like you have changed, and I am not sure I am a fan of it.” I take a deep breath and snap, “Please if you know what’s good for you walk away. I am trying to finish this and be done with it, but your talking is disturbing me.” He walks away finally but not before saying the last few words that hurt the most. “I wish I sometimes have never run into you.” I instantly grow cold and go back to work sending off the email but sit at the computer before hearing him walk away.

I feel tears freely run down my face and see Tom walk into the room and greet me a good morning. When I did not answer he turns around and sees me crying and shaking and instantly pulls me out of the chair into a hug and kisses my forehead. “Tell me what’s wrong, I will make us breakfast.” I nod my head and make sure all my work is turned incorrectly shutting the laptop for the next week. I smile and go to the kitchen where Tom was cooking breakfast and sat on the kitchens island chair. Tom turns around and smiles as he sees me not crying anymore. He asks gently, “Did Harry and you get into a fight? I heard a little about it this morning. But from last night I thought all was good.” I blush and mumble, “Great you heard that, but yes Harry and I fought. He thinks that I am not supportive of him and he pushed in my face that I have a degree and that he does not make me more superior to him. Which is not true by the way. So please tell me what to do.” Tom analyzes what I said and says,” Well you can still do the photoshoot for him, maybe that will make him forgive you.” I nod my head and run to Tom to hug him out of happiness.

As I am getting ready, I play our favorite playlist of songs on Spotify and jam out finally relaxing after completing that big project which was a huge part of my job’s requirement. Harry is a wonderful and understanding boyfriend but sometimes he does not realize what stress I am under with working on these projects. I do the finishing touches as I head towards the door to go surprise Harry and hear a laugh that sounds familiar. Sneaking out the door quietly and walking around the corner, I see someone who I am not a huge fan of since Harry’s friends consist of some girls that flirt with him knowing he is taken. She is draping her hands all over his arms, but he seems uninterested and pushes her off nicely. I smile at that but still get upset that he had replaced me without even asking if I could still do it with my workload. I turn back around so I do not say anything that I will regret and feel my eyes tear up slightly. One of the boys must have heard my footsteps faintly because they called my name out and I had to otherwise Harry and the others would think that I am spying on them. I walk out slowly and as I do, Tom smiles at me and compliments, “Wow, you look beautiful. Doesn’t she Harry?” I see Harrison in the corner of my eye give Harry a look of caution as to choose your words lightly. Sarah on the other hand says before Harry could say anything, “Yes she does, too bad I am the one who is doing the photo shoot,” while smiling at me with an evil glint in her eyes. I look away from her and look directly into Harry’s eyes that show a combination of emotions.

He clears his throat and says, “She always looks beautiful; however, I did ask Sarah to do the photoshoot this morning since Y/n work was demanding her attention even though I asked last night.” He mumbled the last part, but I still heard it. I gather the courage and say, “I had a plan to get up early and finish the project so I could help you. This morning instead of asking if I can do it, you assumed it and instead of asking. Now you will not even let me do it because you asked someone else. I even dressed up” He looks annoyed now and spitefully says, “At least Sarah gives me attention. You are so busy with work that you barely give me a minute and I only see you at night. So, please forgive me for not choosing you because you got dressed up.” I feel tears running down my face and say, “Well I am sorry for wanting to make you happy by putting myself through more pressure to finish off my work and taking the time after months to make time for you.” While the words linger in the air, I walk away to make myself calm down so the situation does not get out of hand.

As the evening goes on Harry does not do the photoshoot, he sent Sarah home and kept the set up in place in case you walked out and used Tom or Harrison as a back shoot in case things did not pan out. He had planned to apologize and make it up with cuddles and a movie night with taking out which was your favorite kind of date night. He included Tom and the boys in the plan. At approximately five, he walked over the bedroom and saw through the slightly open door that you were still dressed up and sighed in relief that you were able to do the photoshoot if you still wanted to. Knocking on the door softly he entered as he heard a faintly come in from you. He walks in and sits down close to you as he discretely puts his hand nears yours knowing you would try to slyly hold it. He turns to you and as he says, “I am sorry for acting the way that I did out there, I was just upset that I wanted to do something with you but I saw that you were busy and wanted to make things simpler for you so I asked another person. I did not think that it would upset you so much, you can never be replaced.” You look into his eyes and see that every word that he said he meant. “I did not mean to overreact; it is just that I did not want to make you upset so I tried to juggle everything and make it possible,” I say as tears stream my face now. He moves closer to so that he is holding me by my waist and letting me rest into his chest. “No, no please stop crying love. You mean the world to me, and how you try to make everyone happy is beyond me. I am the luckiest man on earth and if would like to do the photoshoot, I saved it for you.” I look up smiling, “I would love to.” I lean up and kiss him passionately, he kisses back with more love than ever. We both pull away and laugh at how our love is strong enough to overcome any fights.

We both walk out and do the photoshoot; the whole time was full of laughter and happiness. Tom and Harrison watched from the living room ever so often making comments about how lucky Harry was to have someone like Y/n. The rest of the night after editing and sending out what was necessary, Harry gave you the best date night that was well deserved for both of you.

@littlekidsteve @tom-holland-is-spiderman @follow-tom-holland-is-spiderman @parkerpeter24 @frenchfrostpudding @osterfieldnholland @fanficparker @mymoontom @marvels-blue-phoenix @holytingle @petertiingz

#harry holland smut #harry holland #harry holland imagine #harry holland angst #tom holland imagines

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