#and the only reason roy agrees to do it is cause jason agrees to sing it with him for lian | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abandoned-37 · 7 years

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Adored By Him

Inspired by that song by Dodie and it hurts so you guys get to hurt

SONG: X

SHIP: JayTim

RATING: PG-13 cause there is cursing

@babybirdjason I DID IT

Jason felt nervous sure, but it wasn’t like Tim was going to be there. It was just some bar the crew hung at and he had finally worked up the courage to physically sing in front of people. Well actually it was more so that Roy and Kori had convinced him. So singing this... it shouldn’t be a big deal. Roy thought that maybe it would help.. help him maybe let go? He didn’t know. Maybe for him to understand and comprehend that this is as close as he was ever going to get to Tim.

Jason could remember the moment it finally ticked in his head that he was in love with Tim, but he couldn’t remember the moment that he had started falling for the man. Tim had grown... a lot. I mean the man was 23 now and Jason had a hard time putting those pieces together, especially on the field. There were multiple times that he had attempted to protect Tim only to lead in a nasty tongue lashing from the other. “I can handle myself Jason! I’m not some weak little thing! I was trained by the same man you were!”

His cotton shirt felt like it was suffocating him, his fingers resting on the musical instrument leaning against his leg. He tapped it a few times, swallowing hard. Come on Jason... it’s going to be okay. He could however, remember the exact moment his heart split in two. When he watched Tim run full force towards Stephanie.The way he scooped her in his arms, glad to see her, eyes sparkling. And when their lips pressed together, that was it. He tried to play it off shouting about PDA but his throat felt raw as he said it. Jason didn’t patrol with the bats for awhile after that. Scared he would have to watch Stephanie and Tim fall in love and together. She fit him well too. She took care of him. She treasured his mind and for the record had never tried to kill him... not one of his brightest moments.

His palms felt sweaty as he stepped out on the small bar stage. It was sticky on his shoes and the room was dying down from a comedian that had just walked off. He scooted the stool up close to himself. It took a few moments for him to reposition himself, mic centered to his lips. There was a whistle, it was Roy, out in the audience. Jason gave a small nod to the crowd, a nervous lift of his hand as if he was waving to them.

“Uhm.. Hey everyone.. uh names Jason.. tonight I’ll be singing a song by a pretty good artist. Her name is Dodie... I’m uh.. wow this is gonna same lame but this is for someone I.. I think I love and all.. so... here we go.”

His fingers strummed the first notes and he closed his eyes for a brief moment. A shout of his name, Kori being supportive was heard.

“Pretty girl with the butterscotch hair...your eyes and the sunshine smile you wear... I can see how you make his soul glow..” His mind started digging it up, all the scenes of Stephanie and Tim. He doesn’t know why he hadn’t caught on. He felt so stupid.

“Pretty girl with the adventurous mind, you envision so much you make me look blind. You spark his life in ways I’ll never know.” Stephanie was smart, clever.. Of course her and Tim had things in common. He could just see her listening to Tim praddle on about his computers and her face this soft and patient smile because that’s how she was. Tim’s face alight as someone, finally someone will let him talk. What Jason would give to be that for the other robin.

“I wont hate you but oh it stings.. how does it feel to be adored by him.” Jason could feel it again, the restricting of his throat and his eyes starting in. He closed them to keep from crying like a child on stage. He couldn’t even hate Stephanie, he knew she was better for Tim.

“Pretty girl there’s no need to fret cause it’s midnight he’s drunk and you’re the one in his head. You don’t have to try at all.” Jason’s final push to realizing that he was going to have to suck it up was about a week ago. He went out with Tim, just to stretch their legs downtown. Jay stayed sober... but god Tim had gotten fucked up. Something about how he had got in an argument with Stephanie and she might end it with him and Tim cried. He drunk cried about Stephanie and all Jason could do was pat his love’s back and console him over another person. His hand felt on fire as he tapped Tim’s back for comfort and his own eyes watered, but he knew Tim didn’t realize. He was too worried about Stephanie. Jay didn’t sleep that night when he got home. He cried too.

“Pretty girl oh he looks at you as if life is perfect cause the world is new... In those moments I just feel so small.” Roy tried. He knew Jason was head over heals for Tim, he had known for awhile. He tried to keep Jason from going into the room. Steph and Tim had made up. Why they were at Jay’s and his place he had no idea.. maybe because Tim did feel a comfort around Jason. So when the older man busted into the room and found Tim staring into Steph’s eyes, her pressed close to him. He hadn’t even acknowledged Jason entering the room. They weren’t unpleasant but emotionally they were naked. It was a raw kind of love and he could feel it. Jay was glad he had the mask on because he knew what his face looked like.

“I won't hate you but oh it stings... how does it feel to be adored by him..” Roy tried, he really did. He had attempted to distract him. Anything really. Want a job? No.. okay. Look Jason I spent all your money on tools again better scold me.. no.. oh ok. All Jason could think about was that look on Tim’s face.. Stephanie was his world.

“How stupid to think that I could compare... to the pretty girl with the butterscotch hair.” Jason opened his eyes towards the end, the notes drifting in his voice. It was almost empty sounding as he shook his head to calm himself.

“I won't hate you but oh it stings... how does it feel to be adored by him..” It didn’t last long though because his eyes met Tim’s. Tim was here. Jason froze as reality sunk into his very bones. Why was he here? It took him a bit to realize everyone was. Even Bruce. Stephanie’s hand moved from Tim’s like she knew. Dick looked up at him.. with a complete look of pity. Bruce wasn’t looking at him. Probably because he was dealing with his own kind of pain with Clark. Jason wasn’t blind. Cassandra... she looked uncomfortable with the raw emotion. She generally was. Tim though.. Tim’s face was a large mashup.

Jason didn’t even say goodnight to the audience, he was off the stage quickly. There was loud clapping, people must have liked him. He hated himself right now. He felt sick. He needed to get out of here and now. Jason quickly tried to put his instrument away before he could be caught by one of those bats. The damn bats. Always fucking things up. Always in his face. He sniffed and realized he was crying. Damnit.

The man practically jumped out of his skin as he heard his name, soft and careful. Of course it was Tim. Jason attempted to clean his face up so the younger didn’t know he was pretty much throwing a fit. “Oh hey timbo.. where’s Damian?” He played off.

Tim was quiet for a moment, he seemed open but scared. “It’s a bar Jason. He can’t come in.” The words were said like they were a second thought. “Jason...” He decided he was going to play dumb. He raised an eyebrow at the robin before him. “What didn’t think I had any talent?” He teased, it fell flat. Usually Tim took the bate, but not this time. His lips fell in a frown, it seemed heavy with unsaid words. Jason gave a heavy sigh.

“Jason...” The older man scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. “Will you just say something.. and stop sayin my damn name. and how the hell did you guys know that I was gonna be here tonight? Thought we all agreed t-” Tim interrupted him quickly.

“stop deflecting. Are you in love with me?” Jason swallowed. The words sounded harsh and not at all how he wanted Tim to know. How he wanted Tim to say ‘in love with me’ like he was disappointed in Jason. The older man didn’t say anything, he just glanced down. “I’m sorry Tim.. I didn’t.. I wasn’t going to..”

“You weren’t going to tell me. So you were just going to sing your feelings out to a bar of strangers?” He almost sounded angry now. Jason still didn’t look up from his boots. “I’m sorry..” Was all he could manage. It was quiet now, and most certainly broken.

“Jesus Jay..” the robin responded, he sounded hurt too, confused more like it. “Will you look at least look at me?” It took everything in Jason’s power to lift his head and stare at this head on like an adult. He could tell Tim was hurting but not for the same reason that Jason was.

“I think.. we should take a break from working together.. Steph and I..” He could tell Tim was trying to be careful to not wound the man more.

“Yeah Tim I get it.” He stated, his jaw tightening to keep himself from making more of a fool of himself. It was quiet. Obviously he knew. That’s why he sang this song. There was a shifting of feet and Tim was moving to the back door. He paused for a brief moment before responding. “I’m sorry Jason... I really am.” and then he was gone. Jason felt like a hole had been carved in his chest. Everything ached. He fell backwards against the wall, his palms digging into his eyes as he finally allowed himself to cry. It was hard racks of sobbing but they weren’t noisy. Jason had learned to be quiet with his pain. He slid down the wall, squatting down as he let his face run with his tears. This hurt.. more than dying he believed. What did he think was going to happen here? A happy ending? He didn’t deserve those.

#Jaytim #this is not a happy ending tho #im warning you #its some angst ass shit

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nightzilla333 · 7 years

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He Counted to Three

Jason groaned and rolled over, grabbing the edge of his pillow to cover his exposed ear. This was the third time in this week alone that the baby woke him up with its crying. He counted to three, desperately trying to fall back asleep and ignore the crying. He counted to three, and he gave up, his eyes opening to view the clock on his nightstand. The bright, glaring red numbers shone with the number five. He rolled onto his back, sighing out in relief as the mother next door came in to shush the wailing babe. The soft sounds of a lullaby being sung was muffled slightly by the walls, but not enough to not be heard. Jason closed his sore eyes, and drifted back into sleep, the sounds of a voice singing lulling him down just as it lulled the baby.

***

The plastic book bag dangled from his one arm, keys in that hand, his other arm wrapped in a cast. A lucky hit in from a thug with a crowbar broke the bone, and he was effectively benched until it was healed. His neighbour was also at her door, juggling a cellphone tucked between her ear and shoulder with the babe on her hip, grocery bags on the ground and on her other arm, and keys in her hand. She seemed to be having an argument with the person over the phone.

The baby was looking at him, quiet. One of its hands was curled in its mother’s clothing, the other holding onto a toy bear, looking like it had seen better days. Jason crossed his eyes at the baby, smiling as the babe babbled at Jason, and dropped the toy bear on the ground to reach for him. Jason unlocked his door and tossed his book bag inside onto his couch. He was just shrugging out of his jacket when he heard the bang of the door hitting a wall next door. Jason shook his head and hung up his jacket, fishing his phone out of his pocket. A few more bangs were heard before silence finally settled.

Jason grabbed his new book and settled down on his couch. He performed a balancing act between his phone and book and counted to three. He counted to three, listening for the crying to start, and when it didn’t, he counted to three and started to read.

***

The crying woke him up again, following the same pattern as always. He doesn’t even need to look at the clock to know that it was five o’clock in the morning. It was the time that the babe woke up every morning. It shouldn’t take longer than a minute for the mother next door to respond, and when she does he’ll be able to go back to sleep. It wasn’t as bad as it usually was when he was woken up by the baby, seeing as he hasn’t been on patrol due to his arm and has actually been able to get a steady and healthy amount of sleep. He almost feels like he can join the living again.

The babe was still crying, and Jason frowned, looking over at his clock on the night stand. The bright, red glaring numbers showed that five minutes have passed. Jason closed his eyes and counted to three. He counted to three once more when the crying didn’t stop, and he counted to three again just to make sure. When the crying still didn’t stop he tossed off his covers and slipped on a pair of sweat pants and left his room. He could still hear the babes wailing as he walked through the apartment. He grabbed his keys and his phone and slipped on a pair of runners and left his apartment. He walked five steps to the right, stooped down to pick up the toy bear laying on the ground and started to bang on the door. He counted to three before he banged on the door again. He counted to three. When his neighbor didn’t answer and the crying continued he broke the lock and entered the apartment. He called out a hello and heard the shower running.

He stood at the door way, hesitating while he counted to three. He heard no response to his call and walked through the apartment, making his way towards the sound of a baby crying and a shower running. The bathroom had light shining out from behind the slightly cracked open door, and he knocked on the wall next to the door. He called out hello once more after a count of three, and when he received no answer, he opened the door.

The shower was running, the baby was crying, and his neighbour was laying twisted in the shower. Jason dropped everything he was holding and checked his neighbours pulse. It was there, but barely, and there was blood flowing out of her head from an unseen wound. The metal shower rod and the shower curtain laid across her. Jason backed away and grabbed his phone and dialed 911. He asked for an ambulance. His neighbour slipped in the shower, her pulse seems weak, she’s bleeding a lot, and her baby was still crying.

Jason counted to three, hung up the phone after giving any information that was needed, and went to go shush the baby.

***

Jason didn’t get any more sleep that night. For some reason he was left in charge of the baby. Maybe because he was the one who found his neighbour. Maybe because he said that he was his neighbour’s boyfriend when he called the ambulance and gave his report on what he found. He was fine taking care of the baby. He took it to his apartment, borrowing a few of the baby’s items and moving them over. The baby’s crib was in his room. The highchair was at his table. His weapons were put on higher shelves and hidden away from the baby. The baby still woke up at five in the morning like clockwork, crying its tiny lungs out. Jason still woke along with the baby, but this time it was his turn to shush it. He still doesn’t know the baby’s name. He does now know that the baby is a girl.

He calls her Jane.

***

Jason got a phone call half way through his second week with Jane. His neighbour had woken up. Jason was on his way to the hospital on the bus, Jane sitting on his lap. He was babbling at the baby, but was nervous. Sure, he could always change his name and make himself disappear, but still.

Jason counted to three and pulled the string on the bus so he could get off at the needed stop. He counted to three, grabbed the bundled up baby, and walked off the bus. He counted to three and entered the hospital. He counted to three, counted to three, and counted to three and approached the receptionist and gave the name of his neighbour. He received the floor and the room number and he entered the elevator. He counted to three in the elevator. He counted to three while he was holding Jane and he counted to three, and he counted to three. The elevator dinged and he counted to three and left it. He walked down the hallway and found the room and he counted to three. Jane beat his chest and squawked at him. Jason closed his eyes, counted to three, and knocked.

He entered on hello.

***

Jason was performing another balancing act between him and the baby. His neighbour, while concerned at first, thanked him for taking care of her baby. She doesn’t have any family in the country. The father skipped town. She was left with taking care of the baby on her own. She thanked him for checking in on her. She apologized for the trouble that she caused. Jason told her that she didn’t need to apologize. It was no trouble taking care of her baby. He grew up in Gotham. You take care of each other, because no one else will. She helps him with the stress that he deals with constantly. She asked him to never claim to be her boyfriend again without her permission, or she’ll break his nose. He laughed and agreed.

Now he was at home, the baby balanced on his hip. He was making mac’n’cheese and the baby didn’t want to be put down. It wasn’t easy to balance the baby on his hip and hold it with his good hand, while stirring the pasta with his broken hand. It wasn’t easy, but he managed.

It’s not like he was feeding the baby mac’n’cheese. That’s what baby food is for. The mac’n’cheese was for him, because he didn’t actually want to properly cook himself a supper tonight. He was considering himself lucky.

Usually one of the bats popped in to check on him at this point. There weren’t any cameras for Barbara to monitor in his apartment. He does a sweep for them whenever he comes back into his apartment. He thinks Barbara gave up on monitoring him. He hasn’t found any in a few months now.

Usually someone just drops by. Sometimes it is Dick. Sometimes it is Damian. Sometimes it is Tim.

He hopes it is Tim. Tim wouldn’t blab to Batman about Jason having a baby. Dick might. He would do it by accident. Damian would, just to spite him. Cass might, but that depends on how he and her are getting along. Steph might, but she won’t if he promises pancakes. Barbara would, just to spite him, like Damian, but perhaps not, because he would drop to his knees and beg her not to tell the Bat. But that depends on Jason’s and Barbara’s mood. He doesn’t really talk to the rest of the bats. Mainly because they don’t pester him. The only other people he would have to worry about would be Kori and Roy, but with one in space leading a planet and the other doing whatever the hell it is that he’s doing Jason isn’t too concerned about those two.

Jason started to hum, and the baby started beating his chest. He continued to stir the pot full of pasta, and looked down at her when she started to babble. His smile fell when he noticed that Jane was looking over his arm and was staring at what, he assumed, was the window. Jason counted to three, swallowed, turned the heat down on the pot, and counted to three. He counted to three and turned around.

His luck had ran out. At his window staring in at him was Nightwing. Not Dick. He was wearing a mask, and anyone who knows about the masks knows that you don’t call them by their names while they’re wearing a mask. Jason sighed, counted to three, and walked away from the stove. He ignored Jane’s shrill protests and put her in her highchair. Jason counted to three and stared at Nightwing, a frown on his face. He counted to three and Nightwing waved at him, and motioned at the locked window, asking to be let in. Jason counted to three, counted to three again, and counted to three just to make sure and sighed. He let Nightwing in, and he counted to three.

***

Jason smiled at his neighbour and counted to three. She was finally released from the hospital, and he was helping her move all of the baby’s things back into her apartment. The baby was currently tucked away in her play pen. He was glad that there was no hard feelings between them, and he promised to fix her door. While she was in the hospital Jason took care of her apartment, and had cleaned out the food that had gone bad from the fridge, as well as pay her rent and repair her broken lock.

Hey, it’s Gotham City. Landlords are usually crooked without being in Gotham. Who knows what they would have done if he hadn’t paid for it.

Jason and his neighbour worked in tangent.

***

Jason groaned and rolled over, grabbing the edge of his pillow to cover his exposed ear. The cast was taken off of his arm a couple of days after his neighbour had returned, and he was back on patrol. The babe’s wailing cut through the thin walls of his apartment, and he opened his eyes. Five o’clock stared back at him in bright, angry red numbers. He closed his eyes and tried to grasp the fleeing strands of sleep. His neighbour was shushing the baby, but it was too late.

He sat up and rubbed at his face. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants and shrugged on his jacket. He grabbed his keys and his phone and slipped on his shoes. He opened the door and walked out. He locked his apartment and left the building.

He returned one hour twenty minutes later, the paper bag holding fast food clutched in his hands. On the floor outside of his neighbour’s door sat the teddy bear that had seen better days. He stood at his door, staring at the toy. He sighed and walked the five steps to the right and picked up the toy. He knocked on the door.

It creaked open and Jason smiled at his neighbour. He lifted the bag of food and the toy bear as a show of peace and his neighbour stepped aside to let him in. He passed her the food and went to the babe. She babbled at him and lifted her chubby arms. Jason smiled at the babe and started to play with her.

His neighbour ate the fast food that he bought for himself and Jason didn’t count to three.

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