#and to love the things and people i'm so lucky to love while i have them. which is all ANY of us can do really

[winniethewife]

But I'm gonna love you anyhow

(Nathan Bateman x F!reader)

A/N: Inspired by a Prompt by @gingersforeverbox

Words:679

“So that's the new girl that he’s dating?”

“They’ve apparently been going out in secret for months”

“She looks…” Like what a whore? A Bitch? A floozy? A Gold digger? She almost dares them to finish the sentence as they talk behind her back. “Nice.” Ugh that was worse than an insult. She could do without all these fake niceties that this kind of crowd always seems to rely on. She took the champagne flute from one of the servers with a polite smile. She sips at it and looks around for a moment, trying to spot Nathan in the crowded room. She understood the importance of going to these charity galas occasionally to keep him in good graces with the public eye, but after several months of spending all their time together out in his home in Alaska, all these people was almost overwhelming. She didn’t belong here, among the upper crust, with the press outside hoping for a glimpse, she felt out of place, even if she was perfectly dressed and styled like every other person in the room.

She finally spotted Nathan across the room, he looked nice in a suit, he was so often dressed in casual lounge wear that she had honestly been shocked that he even owned one. She watches as Nathan laughs at something the guy he was talking to said, she knew him well enough to know that was a fake laugh, the way the smile didn’t reach his eyes, it was obvious to her, but to no one else. She smiled slightly at the thought, the idea that of all the people in the room, she was the only one who truly knew him. As she watched him he eventually looked over at her, a genuine smile crosses his face. He turns to the people he was talking to and appears to dismiss himself before walking over to her.

“You look amazing Honey. How am I so lucky to have you?” He asks cheekily while wrapping an arm around her waist, she feels the nerves and irritation from the evening wash away as she feels his hand gripping her side firmly, with a gentle possession.

“I don’t know, you’re kind of an asshole, I’m not sure why I stick around.” She teases as she leans into him. He looks down at her resting her head in the crook of his arm with mock offence.

“Oh my darling why- Why would you say such a thing?” He couldn’t keep up the fake hurt tone bursting in to laughter midsentence. “No, no you’re right. I deserve that no doubt. But I will say, you make me want to be better, but only for you. Fuck the others.” He kisses the top of her head before looking out on the party. As He scans the room he holds her close, and as he holds her she can’t help but feel emotions surging in her chest, to hear something so sentimental from Nathan was unusual, but she liked it. The Judgement of the others in the room was far from her mind now, the feeling of outsiderhood vanished. She could belong anywhere as long as he was with her. She looked up into his dark brown eyes. As long as he was with her, she could be anywhere, do anything, and be anyone. The options were unlimited.

"I don’t think I want you to change. I think that's what I love about you...you're just...you." She says with a smile and a turn, her back against his chest now, his arms still around her. Nathan chuckled. He was really the luckiest guy in the room. There was so much she didn’t know about him, but she was going to love him anyhow. And that was more than he could ever hope for. He leans down to whisper in her ear.

“I’ve heard there's some oddly phallic ice sculptures in the other room…wanna check them out?” He mutters. She laughs. There’s not a thing about him that she would change.

“I would love to see that.”

~

Masterlist

Tags: @burymesanti @silvernight-m @faretheeoscar @queerponcho

#nathan bateman #nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman x you #nathan bateman fanfiction #nathan bateman fic #ex machina #oscar isaac characters #oscar isaac #oscar isaac x reader #x reader #Spotify

[chirpsythismorning]

Thinking about the time Tom Holland spoiled the date and poster for Infinity War 'unintentionally', even though it was very clearly a bit done by a professional actor... and even still poorly at that! Just look at how he dramatically has the CONFIDENTIAL DO NOT SHARE facing the camera, only to turn it over to look at it, flipping it back upside down while pretending to read it...

remind you of anyone...?

hint

#stranger things #byler #noah #i'm talking about noah #full serious noah would not be out here talking about s5 and even going as far as to reveal he's got scripts... #unless he was given the okay to #or more specifically advised to be absolutely chaotic #tom was so well known for spoiling that it literally became a bit they used for marketing #the same thing is happening with Noah rn... #noah 5 days ago: i'm gonna get in trouble! #noah just tonight on twitter: I love my fans so much how did i get so lucky #dude is on cloud nine rn he is not the least bit in the duffers basement #he is in the penthouse #Noah is fully capable of not spoiling anything genuinely #while also having permission to still be an absolute gremlin with the guise of spoiling things unintentionally #it's hilarious honestly #he's even acknowledged the fact that people refer to him as the tom holland of ST... #like come on now

[dayurno]

my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me

#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest #i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts #and ive Done My Rounds with that ok #ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy #yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead #lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades #and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and #an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart #theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there #you need to get a good thing while u can #i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg #but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au #or even just normal casual conversation #i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love #trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories #so have fun ok. for me #txt

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.

#i don't understand how i can feel so alone and so isolated while also having a number of good friends #all of whom im a little in love with in different ways #how can you love so many people so much and still feel lonely? #is it because of all my friends only one is in brickspace and i rarely even get to see her? #i know my lack of physical contact is rather alarming (i get one or two hugs a month if I'm lucky.) #(and even casual non accidental touches are rare. i get maybe one of those a week.) #is that why i feel so alone and isolated? the lack of physical connection? #i wish i had a friend i could move in with. i wish loving people didn't hurt so much. #i wish i could believe the sentiment that all relationships are important and that platonic love isn't lesser than romantic just different #but ive yet to actually see that be true. i feel like ill never be someone's most important person. or even 6th most important. #im just so fucking tired #of everything. #is it me? am i off putting? do i do things unintentionally that keep people at a distance? what am i doing wrong? why can't I connect? #i KNOW im not broken for being autistic or ace or aro etc etc but fuck if I don't feel broken most of the time #fucking hell #definitely time for bed #i bet these feelings are being exacerbated by pmdd just like my fibro and my stomach and my sleep #doesn't make the feelings any less upsetting #fox thoughts #☉

[wekillitwithfire]

graphic design is my passion except i'm 100% serious

#oh my god... i love it so much #and i think i'm so lucky. because i went into design because it was the most... profitable? route to go while still engaging in art #and i wasn't over the moon about it... until i started my classes #and since then i just. i've been falling into a deep deep hole and i'm very happy #i really love poster design. i want to make movie poster book covers and album covers #i like the idea of making art for art and using design to like.. celebrate other people's work #and hopefully draw people into experiencing the movies and music and books people have created #because no matter what you say. people DO judge things by their cover #do you know how many albums i've listened to solely bc i liked the cover art? #also design is a very inter-disciplinary field. anything can be applied to design and design can be applied to anything #sorry i'm just a little silly

[zhivchik]

#film thanapat #รักนี้ต้องเจียระไน #my lucky star #listen the main hero of these series is slowmo to the ost #if we'd have cut out these and a couple of unnecessary repetitive arcs and acts we could make a film #i love shoulders! #also bua you had one job one job! #and i'm pretty sure people learn to run while holding things very early #like run away even #(you learnt to be a rescuer or something so why) #...tian but high on painkillers

[artificer-dice]

So some speculative projects:

Doing some digging for SEO purposes, I found out that there's general interest in even bigger d20s than what I already make.

The blue is the standard size (mine are 22mm), the glittery one is 30mm, which is a relatively normal large d20, but the white one (made of paper) is 50mm!

(I kept seeing 55mm mentioned, but I had this one on hand back from when I was choosing fonts for the then new masters.)

Like heck! It is big! It still easily fits in my hand, but it's so much bigger!

I'm.. so tempted. It's such a satisfyingly large d20. Getting it printed will be its own adventure.

Speaking of adventures, do y'all need somewhere to keep track of yours? I may have something for that!

Some dicey notebooks (as in the pattern, not the quality)

The top one is the first prototype I got but it wasn't the best quality so I shopped around for a bit and found the nicer, larger one with lined, perforated pages! It has a nice matte hardcover with nice, thick black textured paper as the cover pages

And like I'm not going to show my chaotic notes I took from the commissions I did leading up to Christmas, because those are mostly just the lessons I learned along the way and it's just a chaotic mess..

But I honestly really like how they turned out.

I have these pretty much ready to put up in 10 different colors.

They would be print-on-demand but mine arrived within a week so it's not too bad.

I may also do some other patterns or artwork on the covers if there's interest!

#some speculative shop things #i honesty really love the quality of the larger notebook that i chose #theyre also less expensive to produce which is wild #because the smaller ones dont stay open very well and the text block was very roughly cut #meanwhile the larger ones sit flatter and have a nicer cover and have cleaner cuts on the text block #i actually tried to soft launch the notebooks a while ago on the shop but i dont think the listings were that great #that yellow one is my favorite of the ones i made and the brown is my second favorite #and i am using the yellow one we made stencils so i can use it as a weekly planner #also I'm intrigued by the idea of doing the bigger d20 #i just need a few people to enable me on this one tbh and I'd gladly do it #i even have a plan for how to get hopefully decent prints of it in parts so we can use the fdm printer G has #it would only work at this larger scale because thr way I'm thinking is face-by-face which would take some assembly but I'm fine with that #if it means theyre less likely to end up warped or have a ton of support to deal with #he has an ender 3 pro and i bought filament for him to use for prototypes like this #it's definitely been helpful to have at least some ability to have things 3d printed #I'm lucky i ended up with an engineering nerd who loves to do stuff like this

[spice-ghouls]

Fellas I have to be honest. I am not doing well. Lmao

#It is so lonely here. I'm lucky to have parents who will let me live with them while I apartment hunt and get on my feet with this job #but I feel like I'm losing my mind. #I have a box of letters from friends and zines that were gifts and other little things like that that I keep #as evidence that there are people outside these walls and some of them even love me. #But I just keep trying to go to community events and shows and things to get me out of the house and having debilitating panic attacks. #I don't know what's wrong with me. I spend all my time actively at my job or worried about losing my job. #And it was better while my sister was here for the summer. But she's back at her university a state away as of today. #I just feel very adrift. A week from today I turn 22. #I miss my friends. #ghoul.txt

[arielmagicesi]

hey, do you want to lose money AND your will to live all for the opportunity to make very little money doing a job that everyone warns you will sap you of your will to live? try applying for teacher certification oh my GOD

#i feel like the world's rudest idiot because i finally went full 'i want to speak to your manager' on the njedcert people #because i had no other options!!!!! #and after a while of trying i got a phone call from an extremely nice woman (apparently the only reasonable person who works there) #who was so helpful and nice and finally told me all the information i should have been given 3 months ago #i guess if i wasn't dealing with [redacted family emergency things] #and if i had a degree in the NJEdCert Portal from Bureaucratic Bullshit University #then all of this would have been sooo obvious and i wouldn't have needed to call and email everybody on earth #begging them to explain things to me #but like. it is weird how confusing it is! it is weird how much effort i had to put in! #i'm a young millennial! i should not have had this much trouble navigating this online portal or whatever the fuck! #THERE IS A TEACHER SHORTAGE. THIS SHOULDN'T REQUIRE THE TWELVE LABORS OF HERCULES TO FIGURE OUT #aaaaahhhhh it's fine it's FINE!!! it's fine #i spent so much money and screamed a lot. not at the people working there. just during my nightmares #but it's fine. i can finally get the certification to do the unpaid student teaching so i can maybe later get a different certification #to do the paid teaching. which i'm sure will pay so so great #and so equivalent to the effort i put in and the way i'll be treated at that job #the new jersey education system is lucky that teaching is my 1 passion and that i'm really good at it and that i love it #because otherwise i would've given up and become the joker by now #written by me

[sleepyaizawaa]

Well, I can say I am 24 now 🥳

#I'm almost in my mid-20s #As a getaway I wouldn't start the anime my friend recommended and meet Aizawa #No lie that man did change my life #I wouldn't open this blog and meet nice people here #And one of those beautiful people (if you're reading these tags) Teach my pretty friend it's you darling #I love you so much balım #I am so lucky I have you #The world still goes on and when we look at it the things that pull us down can't go beyond the crusted things after a while #Here it is now the 27th of the month

[septembersghost]

dear anon, i don't feel comfortable posting that ask, not out of lack of care for you, only out of deference and sensitivity for the rest of my followers in case anyone might find it triggering, but i am so sorry that you're struggling, and that you lost a friend who was hurting too. i really think you need to speak to someone if that is at all an option for you - please look into local resources, you can't manage this by yourself and you shouldn't have to be alone in it. there's no promise i can make to you that this will simply get better, i know life doesn't always work that way and sometimes it feels like the ground is slipping out from under you, and it's a constant fight to keep going and pushing through each day, and that can hurt and be exhausting, but you deserve to be here. you also deserve a safe place where you can be heard and given support to begin to heal. when it can be better even for only a moment, even for only a song or a page or a dream, those are anchors worth holding onto. healing itself isn't an easy or painless (or linear) process, i grapple with it constantly myself, though our situations may be quite different, but i believe, i know, that you have that strength and that you're worthy of it. even if you can only move little by little, one day at a time, that's valuable, that still has hope in it. the smallest things add up, and sometimes you will stumble into the light without even realizing it was there. i care that you're here. staying alive is enough. and so are you.

#not to get too graphic but since i do struggle with ideation off and on and have for 13 years...i know it's crushingly hard at times #i'm a little distanced from things atm so it's easier for me to confront this right now but for essentially the past three and a half years #i have lived in a constant state of contemplating when i'd have to die and how that could happen #i know it feels alternately terrible and tempting #and i'll be honest i still can't guarantee to anyone that eventually...you know? i can't realistically make that promise. #so all i can do is try each day to stay afloat and to cherish the time i have while it's here #and to love the things and people i'm so lucky to love while i have them. which is all ANY of us can do really #we never know what our time will be or how much we'll be given. but i do know that it's precious and it's worth having #the fact that you're alive is a miracle. i think of that so often it's practically a prayer. #viktor frankl said what is to give light must endure burning and i think about that too #i think about leonard cohen writing there's a crack in everything that's how the light gets in #i think about buffy saying strong is fighting. it's hard and it's painful and it's every day. it's what we have to do. #you have intrinsic value and you are enough and you deserve to be here #anonymous #letterbox #suicidal ideation tw

[observethewalrus]

love the emotional whiplash i feel whenever i spend more than an hour with my parents

#this weekend had everything from arguing to laughing to screaming to crying #sad crying and angry crying #mom telling me it breaks her heart that i'm 'never happy' while once again blaming it on me caring about politics and social issues #and just other people in general #and me needing to stop myself from going on a rant about how mental illness actually works #and that i do have things that make me happy #AND THAT SHE'S THE ONE WHO SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TELLING ME LIFE ISNT FAIR AND LOVE ISNT REAL AND YOU'RE LUCKY IF YOU'RE NOT MISERABLE #she tells me i'm so full of anger like bitch you fly off the handle and lash out at anyone in a five mile radius at any minor inconvenience #i talk all the time about the things that make me happy but she thinks they're stupid and immature so she writes them off #she doesn't understand that if i measure happiness on some grand scale like major life changing things #then of course i'll never be happy #because i can't sit and wait around for a wife or a house or the perfect job #none of those things are guaranteed so i need to find ways to be happy with smaller things and i do #she tells me i'm not happy when ten years ago i didn't even plan to be alive this long #but i can't say she's undermining all the work i've done over the years because she has no idea i've done anything #she says people don't ever change so she measures happiness and progress by external things only #she doesn't understand how much i've changed #i can't really blame her even tho i feel like she's refusing to see something that's right in front of her #but at the same time i'm resentful that she can never see me as a fully fleshed out person #because she insists on seeing me as an extension of herself and her own unhappiness #this started as an angry post and turned into all the things i wish i could say to her but can't cuz she'll just disagree #and insist the things that are important to me don't matter and that i'm doing life all wrong #personal

[maddy-ferguson]

it's actually fascinating that i'm not depressed rn because my life isn't that much better than it was when i actually was depressed (2019). i mean i guess it is a little better because my grandma didn't just die and i'm not in love with someone who doesn't like me back and i also kind of know where i'm going with school and presumably life and i don't call the place i live in my cell because of how small it is but the foundations are still very shaky

#this reads like a joke because it is but it's also true #i remember in october of 2018 like a month after my grandma had died i was at my grandparents' house for the first time since she had died #or for the first time since her funeral ig because i spent a few days there while she was in the hospital and after her funeral etc. and i #was thinking about my life and about how very boring it was. and i had basically always thought that but from that moment on it was like an #actual situation and then i started being sad all the time in like january (not even right after my grandma died because of course i loved #her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy #and then in july i started wanting to kill myself and i finally understood what people on the internet were talking about and anyway. bad #year. but it's like. okay i had all that going on but i remember being like how did i deal with my life being this lame before #because it was never good. i was stupid to enjoy it and to not feel like killing myself every second of every day. and when i stopped being #depressed (incidentally when i stopped being invested in my friendship with the girl i was in love with like literally my grandpa died in #december of 2019 and it was terrible and i was very sad but it still didn't stop me from getting better😭 so crazy our relationship was just #THAT bad for me) i remember being SO grateful that my life was back to being boring i was like i would rather be at a 5-6 all the time than #go from 11 to -5 in five minutes and so i really liked feeling bored but not empty and it's crazy because i still feel like that when it's #been almost four years like i was expecting that feeling to fade a little. but i'm also like well maybe i should do things to make my life #better because the only reason i'm not depressed rn is just because i don't have one more bad thing going on like i'm just lucky😭 #lmao. but also. i don't really want to i just wish i had one more friend #and like i say: brf slt #tw suicide #<- for me #my friend i was in love with was a very nice girl she never really did anything to me if we had been friends at any other time in my life w #would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would #have had if it had been any other year in my life i was crying up to 10 times a day at one point in late august because she hadn't #talked to me in like 25 hours like i was not normal😭😭😭 #i was very close to my grandparents i saw them like at least one week every month even though they lived 400kms away and spent all my #holidays with them it was my mother and them that raised me and my sister them dying altered the fabric of my life. for context

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[doewithantlers]

🍃

#Tw this will be about weed but in a positive way #I haven't like been high in my backyard alone and listening to music like this in a while an it is nice #After work when everyone is asleep bc we all work different shifts #I feel like I can focus on thinking about things and I do a lot of introspection #And I've been in a really really shitty place lately #I was going to start intensive outpatient therapy if something I hadn't got stupid lucky in a massive issue fixing itself #But it's not everything #bc of course it isn't everyone has their own mountains of problems lately y'know #Anyways so I've been lala depressed and to finally have this space again #I forgot what it feels like #i don't feel like I have to think about what I'm doing and how that would affect the other person/people around #Or listen or watch for them to call my attention for something #But I don't have those impulses in these moments #I feel at most #Idk centered #Ugh but saying that makes me feel so like... preachy? about myself? somehow? #Maybe that's not right I don't understand what I'm feeling a lot #Anyways this was a little more venty than I planned I'm gonna go eat my 7/11 hawt dawgs and watch mbmbam video clips #If you read all these I love you mwah kisses your cheek and gives you a snack #prances away gayly

[fooled-around-and-fell]

she's mean, and he loves her for it.

summary: your peers wonder how the ever-so-annoying gojo satoru can stand being in a relationship with you pairing: sunshine!gojo satoru x grumpy!female reader genre: angst, fluff warnings: none

Masterlist

"Did you guys know Gojo-sensei is dating-" Nobara looks around left and right before whispering your name in fear that you might be around.

"Ehhh?" Yuuji's eyebrows knit together. "No way. She's so scary and he's so...happy."

Nobara agrees, "She never smiles -- kinda looks like she has a permanent frown, too. She scares me."

"You think maybe she intimidated him to date her?"

Megumi watches as his two friends bicker about whether you and Satoru look good together, not realizing that you've heard everything they said. Megumi notices you've arrived to teach them and clears his throat, catching the attention of his two friends. He glances at you to check how you're doing after hearing what they said, but as expected, you remain professional and stoic. But Megumi knows better, he grew up under your and Satoru's wings after all.

"Shit." Nobara and Yuuji mutter under their breaths.

-----

It's fairly common for people to question your relationship with Satoru. He's this... happy-go-lucky guy who annoys everyone except those on the same wavelength as him, while you keep to yourself, prioritizing your alone time, and taking things seriously.

Sometimes, too serious.

You never let it get to you, though, because you don't really care what people say. You and Satoru are happy, that's all that matters. Until recently, when those jerk Kyoto students came over to train, they started talking about you and Satoru.

"She's so serious all the time, I don't understand how Gojo puts up with her."

"I think he's scared to breakup with her."

"I bet she's high maintenance."

"Honestly, why is he with her when he can be with someone who's... not so difficult?"

You grit your teeth at that last comment. You can't tell who said what, but it doesn't matter. Their words got to your head and now you're angry. Angry because you're scared they might be right.

Does Satoru think you're difficult? You're not entirely sure how to show them that yes, you deserve Satoru despite being the dark, grumpy person you are.

Sighing, you decide to go home instead of joining the dinner. Satoru's not in there anyway, he just got back from a mission and is waiting for you at home.

Once you close the door to your apartment, you immediately feel Satoru's arm envelope around you from behind. He smells like fresh mint -- just got out of the shower.

"Hi darling," he kisses your cheek.

"Hi, Toru." You take your shoes off and give him a quick peck before making your way to the bedroom to put your stuff down.

Satoru watches you slowly, "hm, aren't you supposed to have that dinner with the Kyoto students today?"

Your jaw clenches, taking a second before shrugging. "Decided to skip it. I'm tired."

He just hums, "In that case, you wanna watch Bridgerton with me after your shower?"

"Again?" You groan, "Isn't it like the third time you've watched it?"

"Yes, and?"

"I'll skip, thanks."

He blows a raspberry and leaves you to shower while he lays down on the couch to watch Anthony Bridgerton fall in love with his Kate Sheffield.

While you were in the shower, the words kept coming back to you. Somehow more exaggerated. You're difficult. He doesn't like you. He's just tolerating you. Why would he be with someone who doesn't even smile? Look at him, Gojo is the epitome of sunshine. You're nothing like him. Why would he like you?

Groaning, you let the hot water wash away your thoughts -- though they don't really go away. Maybe you should just try to be nicer to Satoru, be more cheerful.

After your shower, you see him lying down on the couch while watching his show, and you sit on the other end, silently dreading having to watch the same show again. But you're doing this for Satoru, so you will.

With a satisfied grin, Satoru saunters over and lies down on top of you, his head resting on your chest. You smile softly, enjoying the tight grip he has on you and his soft hair between your fingers.

"How was the mission?" You ask, "Did you have to go to Shoko?"

Satoru shakes his head, "Sweetheart, it's me we're talking about here."

"You can still get hurt, Toru." You pat his hair gently, "I've seen you bleed."

"I'm always careful. Don't worry." He kisses your hand.

You sigh softly. You know Satoru is always careful, it's just that he always goes on missions alone, and more often nowadays that it makes you worry. Yes, he's the strongest, but you never want to take that for granted.

"Toru," You call him again, a little hesitant, "You know I love you, right?"

He lifts his head from your chest, staring at you with those big blue eyes. "Of course. And I love you. So much."

He kisses you deeply, now switching positions so you're lying down on top of him. "So do you want to talk about it?"

"No.." You mumble. Of course, Satoru knows. He isn't stupid. He can sense when something's wrong with you, just like how you can feel the scar on his hip that wasn't there before. He did go to Shoko.

But none of you say anything. You just hold each other tighter that night. It's more than enough.

-----

Satoru is on another mission. It's supposed to be easy, at least that's what he said 3 days ago. You haven't heard from him at all in 3 days and you're beginning to worry. Your frown is deeper than usual, you sigh more often, and your fuse is shorter.

Everyone's more scared of you.

You let the kids take a break while you try to collect your thoughts. You can't be seen so distracted, not when Satoru left you in charge of them.

"You doing okay?" You hear Megumi's voice approach you.

Blinking away the tears that almost fell, you turn around to face him. "I'm fine, Megs."

"I told you not to call me that..." He sulks as he stands next to you, leaning against the wall. He can see you're distraught, and growing up with you, there's only been a handful of times he's seen you like this.

"You know he's going to be fine, right?"

You sigh. "I'm just worried."

You remember once when Satoru didn't come back for a week. He couldn't be reached, no one could track him down, and you were just at home, taking care of Megumi. The boy's more like you than Satoru, he's not exactly sensitive or cheery. But he knows when you're feeling sad, so he'd stay up with you, praying for Satoru's safety.

"Guys!" Yuuji runs towards you and Megumi.

"What is it, Yuuji?"

"It's Gojo-sensei-" He pants, "He's back!"

You run as fast as you can with Yuuji and Megumi, and you can finally see your white-haired, blue-eyed boyfriend limping his way back to the school grounds.

He raises his hand and waves to you with a big smile despite struggling to walk. "Tsk-" You frown even more, feeling the tears pooling again as you walk towards him and catch him in an embrace.

"Umph-" He groans. "Hi, baby."

You let go of him and check his injuries -- he's healed most of it himself, thank goodness, but the bruises are still there. "We need to go to Shoko-"

"Mm, that can wait." He pulls you to sit down on the soft grass, hugging you once again. "It's okay, I'm here now."

You choke on your own sobs and hug him tighter, sitting between his legs and burying your head in his chest. "You idiot."

"'M sorry for makin' you worry," he smiles gently, leaving kisses all over your face.

As you cup his face in your hands, you're suddenly very aware of the 3 pairs of eyes staring at you both. Noticing it too, Satoru covers your red, embarrassed face. "Okay, nothing to see here. Go.. do something. Scram. Skedaddle."

Once the kids are gone, he chuckles and thinks you're being really cute. "They're gone, sweets."

You glare at his teasing smile.

Satoru wipes away your tears, kissing your frown away. "What took you so long?" You ask after kissing him deeply, not letting him go.

A smirk lingers on Satoru's lips. "I took a detour to Kyoto after the mission to teach some kids a lesson."

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