#anhedonia dopamine

[uncrossedrhyme]

Guide to Life-Sustaining Nutrients: Vitamin A

Vitamin A's critical role in development, aging, intelligence, beauty, vision, hormones, sexuality, and immunity. The first in my series of Guides to the Life-Sustaining Nutrients.

The following begins my series, A Basic Guide to the Life-Sustaining Nutrients, a tentative multimedia project that will be almost fully Patreon-exclusive. Today’s Vitamin A entry serves as a preview of what the project entails. I hope you find value here, always keep learning, and support me on Patreon for much more to come. Patreon A few generalizable concepts coupled with their mechanisms…

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#Accutane #allopregnanolone #Ancestral Foods #andrew hall cutler #andy cutler protocol #anhedonia dopamine #anxiety #biohacker #biohacking #boost immune system naturally #Chelation Mercury #chris masterjohn #Circadian Clock Genes #circadian rhythm #Covid-19 anosmia vitamin a #covid19 smell cure vitamins #danny roddy #dementia #depression #dopamine cofactors #Dr. Garrett Smith #evidence based medicine #georgi dinkov #Grant Genereux&039;s Theory Of Vitamin A Toxicity #grimhood #hypothyroid vitamins #Improve Eyesight #jack kruse #longecity #Mental Health and Vitamins

[dagasinfilo]

man i wish. i wish i could go to a professional and be like “hey uh i think i got adhd or something” and they would be like okay let’s do some tests and maybe in a month or so id have a relatively conclusive answer and treatment plan with medications that would be more likely to work than not.

instead i gotta be like. okay i read about 10 scientific papers watched a bunch of videos about it both made by experts and patients read another bunch of papers about the comorbidity of it with this other disorder i was diagnosed with read to exhaustion what people with the condition have to say about it and about how it feels to have it and their struggles with it, and i think i may- AND I KNOW i’m not the professional here and could be grossly misinterpreting everything i’ve read but maybe i think i may have adhd maybe probably perhaps? or if not still there might be something wrong with my dopaminergic system because of [huge list of symptoms that otherwise seem unrelated and vague] and at BEST i’ll be met with a little chuckle a dr google comment and from there complete dismissal of whatever i have to say about what the hell is going on in my head. oh and i’ll be only given antidepressants that work with serotonin and norepinephrine even though they either do nothing or they make me actively feel more like shit. it’s fun!

#i am rapidly approaching the severe state of anhedonia i was dealing with at the end of 2021 start of 2022 #and i Do Not Know What I’m Gonna Do About It lol #every time i come across a silly poast about idk how adhd people react to stimulants or some shit i just. wanna cry #every time i see myself in the retellings of peoples struggles with adhd. hell every time i read about dopamine even #reading about my conditions or possible conditions has been a great source of coping for me before cause i’ve been like. oh! #the suffering might have an explanation! maybe i can enjoy living someday! #but now it’s just. a grim reminder of the incompetence and almost outright malice of healthcare professionals #the carrot tied to the stick is getting moldy. i still want it but it’s starting to dawn on me i just. may never have it #i want to stop surviving man :)

[ask-me-about-therapy]

A Must-Have Journal To Break Anhedonia.

#anhedonia #anhedonic #depressed #depression #depressiv #dopamine

[babyspacebatclone]

Responding to the following note from @papyrus126 on this post:

The original post about Anxiety referred specifically to remaining in a “freeze” state, an unconscious and automatic response to perceived threats in order to protect the individual:

Fight: facing any perceived threat aggressively.

Flight: running away from danger.

Freeze: unable to move or act against a threat.

Fawn: immediately acting to try to please to avoid any conflict.

Again, when one feels threatened, the body rapidly responds to imminent danger. The underlying goal of springing into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, is to decrease, end, or evade the danger to return to a state of calm and control. (taken from the article from “Simply Psychology” below)

In the chart’s context, it describes how the stress from being constantly anxious (or suffering from a related condition, such as PTSD, or having a disorder with high comorbidity for anxiety, such as ADHD) means that the individual feels like everything has to be perceived as a potential threat, and the only reliable coping strategy left for this omnipresent sense of danger is complete submission.

However, what you are describing with feeling “empty” can best be considered a symptom of Anhedonia:

Anhedonia is the loss or a decrease in the ability to feel pleasure from things we once enjoyed. And it's a common symptom of mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Since the onset of the pandemic, there has been a rise in these disorders, so it's likely that anhedonia is affecting more people—and to a higher degree. (taken from article from “Real Simple” linked below)

You most likely have a combination of both, because as said Anhedonia is common in the same type of disorders the chart directly relates to.

A way of contextualizing it is the term “learned helplessness” - there’s nothing you do that makes anything feel better, so there’s no reason to try, leaving you just numb.

It’s important to recognize that learned helplessness and Anhedonia have a physical component: your physical brain stops either producing or responding to important chemicals.

The brain regions use a chemical called dopamine to communicate with each other. Dopamine is used to decide what's rewarding and how you want to attain it. It's also used to decide whether something is threatening. Felger explains that these reward circuit regions may not interact as well with each other in people with anhedonia. And therefore, this weakened communication between regions suggests unbalanced levels of dopamine, says Tiffany Ho, Ph.D. (taken from article from “Real Simple” linked below)

It’s not just a case of “trying harder,” your brain has to repair itself to get out of a cycle of learned helpless, constant anxiety, or Anhedonia.

The first step, therefore, is giving your body a chance to repair, primarily with better sleep because poor sleep is so highly correlated with all the related conditions.

Now, as someone with a divergent circadian cycle (my awake cycle is approximately noon until 4am), I’m going to emphasize: You need to find a sleep routine that is healthy for you.

If this means you need to be up at a set time, due to school or work or other obligations, than this may require a very strict pre-sleep routine in order to meet these obligations.

But please, please, see this as “I need to work on my sleep schedule so I can be healthy.” And not “I need to conform to society’s expectations of my sleep.”

Because those are two very, very different things.

The second is to use cognitive behavioral psychology to train your thinking away from “helplessness” or despaired thinking.

The first step here is to replace negative self talk with neutral self talk.

That’s right, we’re not going to go straight to the “positive happy happy stuff.”

You want to focus on objective observations about yourself, the situations you find yourself in, and your reactions. It is a move away from catastrophic, all-or- nothing thinking:

Instead of “I don’t even enjoy anything, I’m not even human” it’s “My brain is not working properly; it’s not giving me the rewarding responses it should.”

As you train your thinking away from feelings of helplessness, take note of things that are currently ok or even good. We tend to remember negative experiences more than positive experiences, which makes sense from a survival perspective.

But journaling - even mentally - about good things as they happen helps to reinforce that everything isn’t bad.

That there are things to be grateful for, even if you feel numb and overwhelmed.

Then, as you have a catalog of things that do bring positives to your life, you can use them to further counteract the feelings of numbness:

“That short walk made me feel good today. I probably won’t have time to do it again this week, but it’s nice to remember how it felt to hear the birds in the sun.”

Finally, give yourself something to be successful at. Puzzle games are great for this in my experience.

If you have a hobby you used to enjoy but don’t find pleasure in, work on improving a skill within that hobby.

Look at it as an investment for the future: “If I can master this stitch pattern, when I feel motivated it will be so much fun to knit a scarf using it later.”

Take note of the things you do that do move you out of a numb, overwhelmed feeling.

Reward yourself without guilt.

“I don’t want to read right now, but having this book by my favorite author feels nice. I’m going to buy it now, without any expectation to read it, but just so it’s right at hand for when I do have the spoons that I can read it!”

This already got long, but I hope some of it is helpful. I tried to find stuff that goes beyond the usual “practice coping strategies!” which of course is helpful but been told to death.

Linked articles for further reading below the cut.

#positive psychology #learned helplessness #anhedonia #actually anxious #actually traumatized #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually depressed #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #actually obsessive #actually neurodivergent

[aspd-thoughts]

some terminology I made the fuck up because I can’t find any widely accepted words for this shit:

CB and NCB: I’ve been using these for a while, but CB stands for cluster B and NCB stands for non-cluster B.

Boost or up: the small dopamine rush I get when doing certain things. It’s better than my default neutral, but it’s not any real emotion. Typically triggered (for me, at least) by acting on impulses, engaging with hyperfixations, and receiving praise.

Void: the lack of emotion that is present because of ASPD. Anhedonia is a lack of an ability to feel happiness, whereas void is lack of all or most emotion.

Construct: the personality that one constructs as a result of masking. I personally have become so used to wearing my construct that I only recently realized that it wasn’t an actual personality, just a series of characteristics that I pretend to have.

#ASPD #life of a cluster b #Idk #just jotting shit down #Again all this is based off my own experience if there is already words for this or I’m being harmful feel free to tell me

[somewhat-sanguine]

no narcotics in my brain can make this go away (anhedonia)

I don’t quite remember what it feels like to experience pleasure anymore. My dopamine receptors are shot. Everything I feel, besides sadness, is blunted and muted but at the same time almost indescribable. Like a vicious swirling of emotion inside my mind, brief instances of happiness fade so fast and my brain feels like worms squirming on the sidewalk in the summer heat. What’s worse, perhaps, is the immense wave of loneliness I feel mixed with tinges of shame. I don’t quite remember much at all anymore, the last decade or so of my life is a blur because of drugs and alcohol…and yet I crave those things so much. My baseline levels of dopamine are so fucked the only thing that elevates them is a few swigs of vodka or a few lines of coke. I sat down to write a poem, but because of the brain fog (I am only three days sober), I feel as though I am unable to write anything cohesive, meaningful, and most of all poetic. I look back at my old poetry and feel envy… I feel distant from the work I used to put my heart and soul into.

I am tired. Oh so tired. How much easier it would be to poison myself and my brain again…but I have to keep that little voice inside of myself alive, the voice that whispers “You are more than this, there must be more to life than this.”

I wish I could laugh and smile. I wish I had someone to just…even just play a video game with. I’ve thought about joining some random servers or an online game to try to connect to people, but I inevitably begin to feel as though I am a burden to everyone I attempt to connect with. I have not yet figured out if that’s the post-withdrawal depression talking, or if it’s actually true. 

I know I push people away, I know I ignore people, and I’m not sure if that’s in correlation with how much of a burden I feel I am or if I push them away before they can leave me. 

What’s wrong with me? 

#anhedonia #recovery #drugs #alcohol #writing

[shoesofthefishermanswife]

hi kade! tell me more about antipsychotics. good luck on your studying <3

Hi North!! I've already studied this one a lot so it might be a little bit shorter, but here is antipsychotics summarized:

While they have several pharmaceutical uses, antipsychotics have largely been developed for the treatment of schizophrenia, so it's important to understand the neurology of schizophrenia.

To keep it really simple, schizophrenia is associated with overactivation of D2 receptors in the mesolimbic pathway and underactivation of D1 receptors in the mesocortical pathway. The overactive of D2 receptors is thought to be behind the "postie" symptoms of schizophrenia (hallucinations, disorganized speech, ect). The underactivation of D1 receptors is associated with the "negative" symptoms of schizophrenia (anhedonia, social withdrawal, ect). Because it's about in imbalance of dopamine, not just low or high levels, simple dopamine increasing drugs like psychostimulants aren't effective in treating the negative or cognitive symptoms.

The first generation of antipsychotics invented in the 50s (Chlorpromazine) just kind of binds to a whole bunch of stuff? But the only important thing it does is bind the to D2 receptors and stop them from firing as much. There are a couple big problems with this. First off, they can only reduce positive symptoms, so the person taking it is left with only the negative symptoms. Basically, feeling really shitty and demotivated and depressed. Secondly, targeting a ton of stuff and blocking the vast majority of D2 activation (up to like 86%!) can cause severe side effects. And that, when combined the increased prevalence of the negative symptoms, can be so unbearable that people will just stop taking their medication.

The second generation of antipsychotics tweaked the chemical structure of the first so that it has a little lower affintiy for D2 receptors. This is good because they have less severe side effects because they bind to D2 receptors less and for a shorter time. But to make up for this, they also are 5-HT2A inhibitors. This is less about direct serotonin effects, rather its downstream dopaminergic effects. The 5-HT2A inhibition helps recover some of that D2 antagonism needed for treatment, but allows D2 receptors to function a bit more normally. They are also a bit better at reducing negative and cognitive symptoms

Still, second generation antipsychotics have lots of side effects and each individual drug is basically the same but tweaked slightly so that they will each have slightly different side effects and the patient can pick a side effect profile that works best for them. <- not a feel good sentence to write. They're hard to study because clinical trials have big drop out rates due to the side effects.

Luckily there's a new theory about schizophrenia! Instead of dopamine being the root cause, some believe that it's actually not enough glutamate. Decreased NMDA signaling reduces mesocortical dopamine activation and enhances mesolimbic dopamine activation. And a new type of drug is currently in clinical trials that enhances NMDA activation, and it is improving Both positive and negative symptoms with less severe side effects! It's in the early stages right now but hopefully we're on the precipice of an antipsychotic revolution and we're about to have wayyy better drugs!!

#thank you!! filling out these asks are really helpful #north tag #ask

[loftwingsuarus]

What the fuck is revival depression syndrome

~~~

Citra was in and out of sleep her first week.

"Commander Damisch," Cirrus said, "Amy and Janelle are wondering if you'll be here for the rest of the revivals." Citra blinked her bleary eyes. The fog did not clear. Commander?

Rowan was still holding her hand. A tablet was balanced on his knee, and he craned his neck to use it. The room's lights were dimmed.

"Amy is in charge until Citra is well again."

Citra watched Rowan scroll through the tablet single-handed and tap some profiles, watched the way his eyes flickered across the words. Dark circles like crescent moons sagged beneath his eyes. For someone who decided they were not in charge, they were certainly very concerned with staying updated.

"I have her revival process handled," Cirrus said.

"I'm aware. Just let them know."

"I am not discouraging you, of course. It will be good for her to have someone here. While I am missing many functions of a default revival center, it is nothing which would prevent a full recovery. However, that does leave me to contend with Post-Revival Depression Syndrome. While it will not afflict anyone for more than a week or so, it is rather unpleasant."

Rowan glanced up, his brows furrowed in concern.

"Explain."

"You may think of major depressive disorder, and its related diagnoses. Post-Revival Depression Syndrome can exhibit itself similarly. Other side effects replicate those of ill-advised sedative use, such as barbiturates or benzodiazepines. I cluster treatment types based on the individual's prognosis. The neural pathways are recovered long before they are awake. Nanite infusions can be used to recreate brain structures, neurons, and synapses down to the molecular level. It is the process of regaining consciousness itself which is difficult."

Rowan got the sense that it was 'difficult' in a variety of ways.

"This applies to neurotransmitters such as-"

"Serotonin, histamine, GABA, dopamine, acetylcholine, norepinephrine..." Rowan knew the rest of them, along with their categories. He thought about waking up suddenly, with a random fraction of his brain functionality impaired or in disarray. "No CNS inhibitor like being dead.”

"Precisely. Symptoms of Revival Depression Syndrome include anhedonia, emotional instability, parasomnia, weakness, migraines, nausea, bradypnea, incoordination, cognitive impairment, disinhibition, difficulty concentrating, disorientation, memory problems, and experiences of derealization. Rarer symptoms include altered consciousness, paranoia, hallucinations, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.”

Citra remembered quite a few of the common ones from when she woke up after the sinking of Endura. That was a difficult revival, even with all the proper functionalities of a regular revival center. Rowan cringed.

"Let her sleep a little longer.”

"She has slept through most of it. Being awake is part of the reconstruction process. With my assistance, the mind will rebalance its own chemistry." Rowan let out a frustrated sigh. "There are no safeguards from such a thing, but it is good that you are here."

A small notification sound replaced Cirrus' voice momentarily. Every sound besides Rowan’s voice was tinny and horrible to Citra, like supermarket loudspeakers.

"Janelle says she's amazed by your devotion." Another ding. "Amy says not to worry, she has the other revivals handled.”

"You could run this whole place on your own," Rowan said, "And still you act like you're my secretary."

"Displays of hubris are not my prerogative, Commander Damisch." Citra would describe Cirrus' tone as ironic or playful, especially in that last phrase. A small smile came to his face.

"Amy's the commander right now," Rowan corrected.

"In my records, you are both designated Commander until Amy is relieved of her responsibilities."

Rowan pressed his lips into a thin line, and looked dumb while he was doing it. He glanced at Citra, then back at his tablet. And then he looked back at Citra again, wide-eyed, this time realizing that she was awake.

"Since when are you a commander?" she asked. She tried sitting up. Rowan squeezed her hand and leaned over. The tablet fell off his lap and hit the floor. He didn't care enough to pick it up.

"Are you okay?"

"Apparently I have Revival Depression Syndrome," she deadpanned. She sounded like death.

"But are you feeling alright?"

"Peachy. Actual Lucifer in hell told me to say hi."

Rowan ignored her attitude. He leaned down and gave her a kiss. The lights dimmed even more. His hand was warm on her cheek.

"Everything will be fine," he said softly. He did not even breathe, as if touching Citra was the most important thing to ever happen in his life. “I’m staying here with you.” If she spent any more time in bed, Citra was convinced she would turn into mold. 

“No, don’t. Sounds like whatever Commander Damisch does is important.”

She let go of Rowan’s hand, and forced her legs to move. It took more effort than she would’ve liked, but she managed. What incoordination? I’m fine.

Citra went to her feet and immediately collapsed. The whole ship was a rollercoaster. The universe was doing pirouettes. Her head was loopy. Rowan caught her. Nevermind, everything was fine.

“Citra!”

“Are you sure the gravity’s lighter?” she asked.

“Hmm, I wonder why it doesn't feel like that to you,” he said sarcastically.

~~~

eh. maybe ill write more. penis explosion

#scythe #arc of a scythe #myposts

[pawlmtree]

Hey so uh I have severe anhedonia and dopamine issues from bipolar disorder and most of my days are bland and I have no motivation and nothing Is fun but then you post art and it makes me happy I stare at it for hours and it inspires me to draw and it's fun. Thank u for the dopamine inducing artwork

I'm so glad to hear that my art can have some positive impact on your life :) those conditions sound like they'd be really difficult to manage in day to day life and I wish you the best.

Thank you so much for letting me know this, it motivates me to keep creating and posting art! I genuinely really appreciate whenever people tell me things like this because I feel like it affirms that I'm doing what I feel like I was put on this earth to do which is making art ♡

#save

[dipyronegirl]

i’m so FUCKING pissed yall i got a multiple choice question wrong on my exam cause i marked the option that said that a moderately depressed patient (with anhedonia and suicidal ideation) being treated with an ssri for 4 months should change to another ssri if the first one didn’t work. maybe i would actually pick something from a different class of antidepressants but there wasn’t an option for that (there was bupropion but she had high blood pressure so it couldn’t be) AND ALSO i’m not a fucking psychiatrist yk. and the CORRECT answer was fucking electroconvulsive therapy.

i’m so upset cause i’m gonna complain ab this and i know the professor is gonna say “well but ssris don’t work on anhedonia cause they dont interfere with dopamine” and i’m gonna say well so you’re telling me every patient with high blood pressure that has anhedonia has to go through ECT (cause the antidepressants that work on dopamine like bupropion interfere with noradrenaline). and thr answer is fucking NO cause medicine isn’t math, ssris can still work, realistically almost anyone with depression has anhedonia and ssris often are enough to help w that too. not to mention the patient was 22 years old, we could literally control her high blood pressure easily w medication and still use bupropion if you want, it could fucking work, she’s young and her blood pressure wasn’t that high.

((not to mention she abused methylphenidate so maybe her blood pressure would stabilize once she stopped))

and the professor is gonna say “well but she was being treated with an ssri and it didn’t work before so why would it now” and i’ll show her literature about how different antidepressants from the same class have different effects. you can’t be sure it won’t work. and the patient’s been depressed for 4 months, she doesn’t fit any criteria for a bad prognosis (doesn’t have other mental illnesses, doesn’t have a family history of mental illness, never had depression before until now, never attempted suicide, etc) so its just??

not to mention the several other factors that’d interfere with this, since mental health it’s such an abstract subject and these answers should be more subjective. i’m so upset, this question is 10% of this exam’s grade and i’m gonna end up with an 85ish% for the semester instead of an 90% because of it

#giocore #pharmacology #medicine #psychiatry

[ladytemeraire]

7 and 29 for the writers ask meme?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

My deepest joy is when I hit that flow state and the words just sing on the page and I'm able to perfectly translate what I'm seeing and imagining into words.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Ooh, this is a tricky one. I get my inspiration from all over the place: music, art and other visuals, moments in my own life, grappling with anxiety and grief and any other number of brain weasels and experiences. Sometimes it starts with a concept, sometimes it starts with a character, sometimes the entire structure of the plot gets slam-dunked straight into my brain.

When that well runs dry... well, at this stage of my life I'm pretty good about doing some triage to figure out the root cause. Do I not want to write this particular thing (either because of imposter syndrome or because the latest shiny idea has my attention)? Am I stuck and need to go back a scene or two to find the problem? Do I not want to write anything because I want to do something else? Or do I not want to do anything creative because depression is rearing its head again?

If it's the last, inspiration isn't the issue, and I know I need to set aside re-finding inspiration in favor of managing my mental health. I actually tend to start with that question for exactly that reason; if I can knock that issue out of the flowchart or immediately identify it as the root cause it makes the rest of the triage much easier. (Anhedonia is a right bitch, but it's also pretty easy at this point for me to differentiate not wanting to do any creative thing from not wanting to do this particular creative thing.)

These days, my go-to method for recovering my inspiration is to go back the that initial spark, as the snowflake method of drafting describes it. Because my brain runs on novelty and dopamine (thanks ADHD!), returning to what first got me excited about a project is generally the best way to get the gears moving again. Music also helps with this, I've got a couple writing playlists or go-to "hype up" songs that I can put on to get back in the groove. I also give myself permission to write a terrible version - I literally do the "WORST VERSION" header tip that I saw in a Tumblr post - and sometimes that helps get me over whatever mental hurdle I've got going on.

And sometimes, it's okay to set it aside and take a break, whether that means working on a different project or doing something other than writing entirely. Learning that it's okay to let your brain lay fallow and percolate without actively writing on something has been a difficult but important lesson for me.

Thanks for asking!

(Weird Questions for Writers)

#ladytem's ask box #about the author #why do you write like you're running out of time #just sit over a blank page and bleed #hopefulstarfire #writer problems

[rawro]

Hi I'm also schizophrenic (well, sza) and I wanted to ask you how you deal with negative symptoms? I have a really hard time w them. Also waking up while on antisychotics.

hi i'm also technically sza because i also have bipolar 2! i just think of them as separate for me in my case because they feel like such different diseases and the ways i treat and cope with one are so different from the other.

my main negative symptoms are anhedonia and executive dysfunction. for the anhedonia it's pretty hard to find a way around it but i kind of just force myself to do stuff and then later i can look back and be like "that's a nice memory" but also if i don't have plans then i play a silly little game that's easy to play and i don't have to pay much attention to and can be watching something at the same time for a bit of dopamine and since number go up it feels like i'm still kinda accomplishing something? idk but it helps me get through the day. like a fidget with a counter for how much i've fidgeted lol

for the executive dysfunction i basically just have to wait until i'm not dealing with it as much and can then seize the opportunity to be able to do my tasks like laundry and stuff but those days are sometimes a bit far between which sucks but eventually it gets done

but yeah that's how i deal with my negative symptoms which i know isn't that helpful and there's lots of other ones but it really is something i still struggle with

as far as the sedating effects of antipsychotics, i have basically just been on mine for years at this point and it isn't as sedating as it used to be but when i first switched to it i'd have an energy drink every day basically to be able to stay awake all day lol but i had to juggle it because too much caffeine also makes psychosis worse so like have to be really careful

[ask-me-about-therapy]

#anhedonia #anhedonic #depressed #depression #bipolar depression #this is depressing #anxeity #dopamine

[kramlabs]

BPA

Sugar

Neural activity recordings revealed that these “demotivation” or “frustration” neurons became most active when mice stopped seeking sucrose.”

Vegetable oil

#carnivorish #high animal low plant #sunlight #nature guided #HIIT #barbell #blue mind #neolithic agents of disease #BPA #sugar #vegetable oil #PUFA #linoleic acid

[lensdeer]

hm yes I love anhedonia I love feeling a painful lack of dopamine and having absolutely nothing be able to fix it I really enjoy spending my evenings not doing anything and feeling like shit about it mhm yup yup

[dreamsoftheheart]

elvanse for me works like an antidepressant .. like for me i seriously believe i have a severe lack of dopamine and norepinephrine which makes my reality horribly painful and grim and makes me suicidal and unable to move and why i have so much anhedonia and avolition and apathy .. i don't know what is stealing my neurotransmitters though like actually where are you going i really need you come back please. maybe i'm just severely depressed .. maybe i should get a brain scan

#also i'm making it a tag bc i talk about it so much #elvanse diaries