#apparently it was incredibly taxing and honestly it makes sense that after this she was like virginia woolf? no thank u. im doing. Dumbo

[pulsingvoid]

"She's been possessed by the devil." Again? "Oh, for fuck's sake."

#the things she had to DO. and she did them impeccably! PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME!!!! #apparently it was incredibly taxing and honestly it makes sense that after this she was like virginia woolf? no thank u. im doing. Dumbo #eva green #vanessa ives #penny dreadful #pennydreadfuledit #mine #horror #can you tell ive been on a steady diet of silent films for a month straight lol

[fymagnificentwomcn]

t’s truly something how all princes/sultans in tmck are so pressed…I get their life isn’t easy, but all that blaming & truly how it can affect everyone’s perception. Murad even accused his mother of faking an assassination attempt on her life, incredible *sarcasm of course*. And Atike was just his cheerleader most of the time, ugh. All that blaming by people who even weren’t there. Thanks for writing that piece!

Aww thank you so much! This piece is my magnum opus I guess lol (Link here:https://fymagnificentwomcn.tumblr.com/post/610970504341405696/no-she-isnt-the-whole-evil-k%C3%B6sem-thing-isnt )

Murad’s angry 24/7 & gets so ridiculous with blame-shifting – he would need a good anger management therapy LBR.

And there’s one scene that portrays his character in nutshell:

Doctor: you cannot drink anymore wine, Your Majesty.

Murad, literally 5 minutes later: Yusuf, bring me wine!

Murad in 1 minute, another example:

Kösem: Don’t marry Silahtar to Atike, you also have another sister and if you do it, it will end in tragedy!

Murad: No worriez, I’ve thought about Gevherhan, I will marry her to Kemankeş ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I mentioned a lot of blame-shifting in my previous posts, but he even at moment began questioning his mum about Gülbahar and whether she truly committed treason (and Gülbahar herself admitted to it).

Even when Atike asked him for permission to take children with her & Kösem to vaqf, he was totally okay with the idea, but later after kidnapping snapped at his mother that it was HER fault for gaving taken his sons there & began threatening her with exile far away. Charming as always.

Honestly, he’s like a broken record. In all his arguments, while Kösem has her logical arguments, his only argument is usually “I’m the only/rightful owner of Ottoman Empire, “I’m the shadow of God on Earth. Like dude do you realise how boring you are???

Don’t forget how mad he got when Kösem wrote to Kemankeş to have a backup plan if Murad died and Bayezid wanted to take the throne, which could have meant danger for other Kösem’s sons. After all, she didn’t take it from nothing, Gülbahar told her about assassination attempt to come & it actually already had happened by the time Murad received the letter. Yes, dude you are not immortal, you could have been killed, and life goes on you know? It doesn’t mean your mother doesn’t love you or is not going to mourn you, but she also needs to take care of your brothers and state ffs. He’s truly obsessed with this idea that after his death life will  (unfortunately in his view) go on – which is also meaningful since Kösem reminded him like two episodes earlier that state was going to remain even with both of them dead. And well we all know the “masterful” idea he conceived just before his death.

And it’s clear how even some of his siblings fear him – Gevherhan was scared immediately following the announcement of Kösem no longer being a regent (especially since he did in a way to put  blame on his mother for recent events to prop himself up, and he was also engaged in state matters at that point). Kasim also immediately fears being locked up in kafes or even executed. Judging by their conversations, despite problems going on, last 10 years were a peaceful time for their family.

As I said, out of all Kösem’s opponents only Handan and Derviş weren’t worse than her, and she was the only main player that never engaged in mass slaughter – Safiye, Halime&Co., Gülbahar&Sinan, Murad, Turhan - all did.

Same with Atike – she was a baby when when her father died, didn’t even spend her early years locked up as Ibrahim…. she’s honestly so blind it’s painful. The scene where she jumps at Kemankeş for trying to talk sense to Ibrahim not to appoint Genie Master as chief judge… please your brother is now acting contrary to Imperial law and it’s asking for further disaster if Cinci increases his influence among ulema by bringing people who pay him into it & it’s good Ibo is controlled in this way… nah, it’s actually necessary. And how you jump from this to your mother I have no idea either. A true performative “activist”, who talks about protecting her brother, but all is limited to talking  & exposing her moral superiority, while it’s not supported by any real actions helping him.

Well, you got your revenge on your mother for killing the husband who despised you, acted against your youngest brothers at that point, and likely was only praying you wouldn’t follow him also into afterlife.

I also forgot to mention one more example of Mu/rat manipulating the narrative – when he tells Atike following the failed dethronement attempt & Kasim’s death that their mother had lied to her and tried to kill him – he was after all put in kafes, he should be aware nobody planned an assassination attempt, bah he KNEW the whole plan from Sinan… and yes, Kösem being so adamant that nothing can happen to Mura/t cost her Kasim in the end.

Atike herself was aware that Mu/rat would have killed her brothers even if the dethronement attempt had not happened as she told him to his face after Kasim’s death and she stated that he had made the decision long ago. Later however she got the letter from Murad informing her who killed Silahtar and she even released Traitor No. 1 Sinan to spite her mum 😂.

I suppose princes at this point led the hardest existence because they were closed in kafes, unable to get decent education&experience or have families (maybe they were allowed to have sex with cariyes, but contraception had to be used or even abortion if the concubine of a sehzade has got pregnant) but at the same time they weren’t certain whether they wouldn’t be killed because the switch to anti-fratricide was pretty new&the times were turbulent. Osman clearly broke Imperial law by getting fetva from military judge to kill Mehmed, and Murad killed the biggest number of Ahmed’s sons obviously (yeah more than in the show because not all princes appeared in MYK, though we don’t know the exact number of Ahmed’s sons, Murad definitely also executed Suleiman, most likely his full brother). I laugh when people go about “rule-breaker” Murad. Wow by getting back to law that has already began to run its course, clap clap.

Murad was king of hypocrisy and it’s also a historical fact. As Halil İnalcık states in his book Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age: “ The tyrannical Murad IV was a habitual drinker and at the same time the most ruthless supporter of the prohibition againt alcohol”. Mu/rat tried to make use of religion in his attempts to drill absolute obedience, but he wasn’t a religious person himself & definitely tried to take from religion what it most suited him, while ignoring other things, e.g. he kept decreasing zakat, aka income tax that goes to charity. A small bit of trivia: apparently he was a big fan of Machiavelli’s The Prince, there were even some rumours that he translated the book himself (we can only imagine he also took from this book what he wanted 🤪 ).

Similarly Turhan manipulated the narrative, also in a hypocritical way – remember her going like: “how many padişahs you killed?” and she was the main force behind Ibo’s death… the moment Ibo told her that she “was a coward who hid behind his mother’s skirts”… it was clear he was doomed. There was explicit anger on Turhan’s side here. Not only because she felt insulted by him, but also because she felt a need to prove both to him and the world that she was capable to be on top without Kösem’s support.  Not to mention all her actions leading to Ibo’s situation, also her ordering Mehmed to sign his dad’s death order was so chilling “I don’t want dad to die”. Well, now let’s play morally pure, especially while murdering elderly (very elderly lbr :p) Haci in again a brutal way, including twisting his neck. It’s not even that she removed a padisah – she actively worked to make him crazier and for his rule to be total failure, it wasn’t even about her, Ibo or Kösem – whole nation suffered because she was impatient to take power into her hands./BTW pity we skipped the time period when they were both Valides and we know both tried to get rid of each other, without harming Mehmed/ And frankly even with Kösem it was a terrible & undeserved backstabbing because also Ibi criticised Turhan for this saying his mother always “loved and protected her, did so much for her” and I doubt Ibo was biased here considering that he was also on bad terms with his mum at that moment.

Later the situation truly calmed down & later princes could live much more peacefully because the practice of killing truly went out of style and also later there were less and less restrictions on princes and they could for example travel abroad with the reigning padişah. For example, Sultan Abdülaziz took princes for a European trip and they even had a chance to meet Queen Victoria.

And I laugh when people blame Kösem for “failing to protect the princes” instead of you know, blame the actual killer. Ahmed truly replenished dynasty, while Murad axed a number of his brothers, at the same time of course used his own propaganda. It is true that Murad executed the favourite of princes, Bayezid, during celebrations following the successful Revan campaign. Similarly, when Kasim was executed someone spread rumours about the prince impregnating a number of concubines & it was before the Baghdad campaign when even setting out on it Murad had to display his “splendour and glory”.

Show-wise I legit one read that Kösem killed Ahmed because she spared Bulbül following Safiye’s attempted coup lmao. It’s not like Ahmed wasn’t there when she made the decision & it’s not like it wasn’t Hümaşah who after all got Yasemin in, and I doubt anyone could oppose an Imperial princess anyway – she would have found another servant. And Bülbül later saved Kösem’s kids, so… scapegoating truly is in some people’s blood lmao.

I love how MYK played with the idea of historical representation & creation of narrative, how people “see” and how different factors might influence their perception & creation of narrative. And also how S2 put into different perspective some stuff from S1. I admit there were some things that back during first watch of MYKS1 made me go WTF? that I later understood when compared/contrasted with MYK S2. It’s clear that they truly planned a lot of the whole show back in S1.

It’s sometimes interesting how narratives may be created and repeated even without evidence supporting it - there is no historical evidence that Kösem took part in Osman’s dethronement, yet it is something that often pops up even in “historical articles” for example. People deduce since Kösem later became Valide quite soon because Mustafa’s (or rather Halime’s) reign didn’t last long, know Şehzade Mustafa’s (Suleiman’s son) story, and some rumours about what Ottoman women did to secure throne for their children, so they see getting rid of one’s stepson to claim throne for one’s child as logical and usual in Ottoman system,  even when there is no proper evidence backing it up. Because it seems natural and logical, so why not make it more spicy? We know next to nothing about Mahfiruz, but there is this “Betty vs Veronica” trope, so suddenly we learn that Mahfiruz was Kösem’s opposite, not politically involved or ambitious, but gentle & sweet, and even details like light hair pop up as opposed to Kösem’s dark hair (sometimes of course it is also extended to good vs. evil). Taken from where, other than fitting a known trope? Or when she’s presented as some sort of Mahidevran vol.2 as having as close relationship with Osman like Mahi did with Mustafa, perfect prince and jealous stepmother Kösem. I know some of the stuff is also derived from Western, orientalist plays, but those are obviously not sources and should not be treated as truth. And sometimes it it even repeated by historians. For example Uluçay, who  was very against Sultanate of Women & pretty much propagated a lot of rumours (and new approach to the period truly changed a lot of how academia writes about these women now). Let us look at this quote:

Taken from: Necdet Sakaoğlu, Famous Ottoman Women.

It’s clear what narrative Uluçay chose for his research.

It’s common practice to sometimes fill in the blanks (and sometimes even change stuff) with known cliches, tropes, and narratives.

It is truly a topic for an extended discussion, so I will stop for now, but when it comes to Ottoman history I do recommend Daniel Piterberg’s Ottoman Tragedy. History and Historography at Play, which shows how the same event may be even differently presented in historical works depending on chosen narrative that is often rooted in current context.

#magnificent century: kosem #muhtesem yuzyil kosem #muhteşem yüzyıl kösem #kosem sultan #murad iv #answered #mods opinions #yeah again slowly restarting blog #I hope you missed my ramblings yhy #idk what's happening with read more cut ffs #so #long post

[mythopoeticreality]

well, I... John Uskglass?!!??!?

Well, if you insist….xD

How I feel about this character

I mean….*sweeping gesture towards blog* I suppose you could say have something of an appreciation for him?

xD Nah, But seriously, from the very moment he appeared on that snowy Yorkshire moor in front of Childermass, I’ve loved this guy. Forget the scene, he stole the whole book! I love the mystery that surrounds him, how much of an enigma he is; I love that he is this incredible force of nature, this legend, this being that seems so Fae at times and so inscrutable. I love how absolutely extra he is? This inclination for melodrama developed over years of growing up in Faerie: Why just walk into a room when you can materialize out of a chaos of ravens? Why simply refuse to learn to read when you can create your own writing system, one that more easily aligns to your own way of thinking?  Why take your vengeance for your parents deaths out on the one guy who did it, when you can conquer half an island? The man has two modes: “Cool Arrogance” and “Sinking Coastal Yorkshire Villages Into The Sea” and I kinda love it? (though, just to make things clear, I don’t actually approve of the drowning of Coastal Yorkshire Villages, no matter what allies they’ve made in their quest not to pay their taxes. In case it needs to be said)

Most of all, I love how incredibly human The Raven King can be as well. There’s compassion – offhanded, a second thought, of course, yet still there–  in the way he heals Childermass before he vanishes again. There’s humor in his parting words to Childermass, “You are wrong, he is not dead” – a dry, ironical sort of understatement, that the man can’t even hear, you can nearly picture the smirk curling at his lips as he says it! And there’s care in all that he does. He set in motion a plan three centuries in the making, manipulating who knows how many events, all for the sake of England, for his Kingdom, to bring magic back. John Uskglass is a teacher, he gave magic to England and it spread through his own students. John Uskglass is an explorer, building the King’s roads and traveling to countless realms in search of more Knowledge, more Magic.  Yes, of course all of these traits are twisted and filtered through a more Fairy lens, why wouldn’t they be? He was raised by these beings! He’s not fully human – but he’s not entirely Fae either. He’s this strange mixture of both that neither can really understand. It’s isolating, it’s lonely, and it’s fascinating. I just…love the Raven King when he’s shown as a person?

And I just…love how he’s presented in the book? We don’t see him until that scene at the end, but by that point in the book, you’ve heard so many legends and stories and Historical anecdotes about him that you just…feel his presence over the whole story? By that point, you know about his conquest of Northern England, and of his youthful Arrogance, refusing even to learn how to read, because what could he possibly gain from doing so? You’ve heard about how he gradually became less arrogant, less like a Fairy and More like a Man after ruling his Kingdom for so long and how he did eventually learn to read – how he decided that engaging with the thoughts of others was worthwhile after all! You hear about his Strange Fae nature in the Raven King Ballad, how he’ll spirit away unsuspecting people to his realm in Fairy. You’ve read about his cruelty: the incident with Henry Barbatus, the Yorkshire Village he sank into the sea. You’ve heard rumor of his multiple returns to England: Riding off of a Fairy Road and blessing the family of the Farmer at the end of it who gave him food and a horse; Guiding back home the daughter of a Newcastle Glovemaker who had wandered her way into Faerie; As an omen of ill fortune for a group of shipwrecked basque sailors. You even know the names of those close to him: Thomas of Dundale, William of Lanchester, Catherine of Winchester.

But in the end, how much do you really know at all? Do you know if any of these tales are true? If they are then they only open more questions. What are the other sides of these tales? Who were those others with the King when he departed from the Fairy Road, the one who vanished along with it with the morning mist, who the Raven King so blithly told the Farmer not to worry about? How did the Glovemaker’s daughter find her way inside the Raven King’s house? Did she just stumble upon it or did he bring her there? And why?

It’s fantastic.  You get all of these glimpses of the character, and you can’t help but build an image from them in your mind. But it’s never a complete image.  Never full, you can never really understand the Raven King any more than any of the characters in the book can.

(So um yeah…apparently I have *alot* of feelings about the Raven King. xD) 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

 Alright so my main ship for this guy is actually John Uskglass/England, take that in whichever way your imagination is inclined, because yes I probably mean it that way. Honestly, when you see how Happy all of Nature is when it thinks Stephen is the Raven King and that John Uskglass is returned? It’s just really cute?! How can you not?!

On a more Human level, as I’ve said before, I do actually picture John Uskglass as being pansexual, and as per his fairy upbringing, rather more casual about his sexual relationships. That said….I actually have very few ships…with like…named characters, for Uskers? Maybe it’s because I do see his affairs as so casual most of the time, or maybe it’s just because he’s so isolated a character. I dunno. Black Joan is the one character  that’s a definate yes. If she’s anything like her son, she’d be shrewd and cynical and the sort of person who can hold her own against the Raven King. I have to admit I definitely love that sort of fairy-tale like trope of this Great and Powerful King, and this relatively ordinary thief falling for one another as well. So yeah, definately here for Black Joan/John Uskglass. Otherwise? Hrmm… I need more Raven King Ships. Any one got any suggestions?

I will say that when John does fall in love, he falls hard. He doesn’t like it. It’s such a soft, vulnerable feeling, and placing your heart into someone else’s hands, to be broken at any moment? It’s foolish, so far as he’s concerned. He is a King in Faerie, after all, he cannot afford to be vulnerable. So he tries to deny any feelings he may develop for a person, even to himself. If you do get him to the point of  admitting it though, I will say he can be absolutely doting. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Okay, so I’ve talked about this before, but I do headcanon Thomas of Dundale and John Uskglass as having grown up in the brugh together, pretty much. Thomas –like the naturally born extrovert that he is ;) –  kind of attached himself to John and over the years became something like an older brother to him? I can’t help but picture him as being very protective of the young Raven King, and, having been taken at an age where he could remember things, where he had developed a more human sense of right and wrong, Thomas helped provide something of a balancing point against the Fairies as John was growing up. Thomas encouraged those more human aspects of John’s character, and he was there to talk to about these aspects of himself, these more human instincts, that John might not have understood so well growing up surrounded by Fairies – empathy, compassion, caring. And that bridge that Thomas provided was so important later in John’s life, after he returned to England. It wasn’t merely language that Thomas was translating, but culture, an entire way of thinking that John didn’t fully understand yet. I mean?! Their relationship is just so important to me and how can I not love them?!

And yet, on the other hand…There’s also William of Lanchester? I mean, he’s specifically marked out as The Raven King’s Favorite and Most Trusted servant, and I can’t help but picture this guy as the most Eternally Tired man in all of Northern England. xD  William is the sensible,trustworthy, reliable one and that’s such a beautiful contrast to John Uskglass? Part of me loves the idea that a big part of why John trusts William so much is because William will say ‘No’ to him. He won’t flatter or stay quiet if he feels he needs to speak against John (see: Henry Barbatus). Does that mean John will always listen? That he’ll always appreciate William’s input? No, of course not (also see: Henry Barbatus) But he will get the truth, and that is important too.

And again, on the third hand, I really do love the whole relationship between Catherine of Winchester and John Uskglass as well. I love the idea of the Raven King as a teacher, and Catherine herself is just really awesome? And the idea of even John Uskglass being impressed at her dedication to magic, of how much he finds himself valuing her as a pupil, and growing to care about her over the coarse of their relationship, just…as a person? I feel like John Uskglass does most easily connect to other people through magic and through teaching, and I like to think that Catherine was one of his favorites…

Ughh. I can’t choose. Let’s go with all four of them hanging out in 13th century Newcastle. Yes? Yes. Good! 8D 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I’m not sure. I don’t…think I have any unpopular opinions? What are the popular ones? Are we all in agreement that the Raven King is a Melodramatic Goth Nerd and That is Why We Love him?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want just…more in general? I mean, like more, like a whole series of historical novels focusing on the intrigues and plots surrounding the Raven King’s court. I want to see him interacting with all of these historical personages, reacting to like historical events happening, how magic and his presence changes that past? It would be *amazing* and I want it so badly!

…so  I’m prolly gonna have to write it myself xD

#Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell #JSMN #John Uskglass #jordenspuls #welp this ended up longer than I thought #any excuse to ramble about the Raven King ;D #seriously talk to me about this nerd

[histeetharenotsoft]

honestly i have no idea how i’m supposed to make it to ep 165

because 162 killed me, like 3 times

spoilers below the cut!

ITS GERRY!!!!!! MR KEAY I MISS YOU

but this is the first time we’ve actually Heard him, not secondhand or with spooky ghost echo, just as a normal voice on a tape. and i just want to hug him so much because ohhhh boy he has no idea what’s going to happen and also i am love him

“do i get to hear them?” “perhaps. if you live long enough.” shut up gertrude shut the fuck up don’t just mention gerry dying so casually its Rude

hmmm i might write a fic where jon, sasha and gerry are somehow all the archivist because I Can Do What I Want

ooo here we have more fire in the archives foreshadowing

did. did gerry’s chair scrape when gertrude raised her voice. like he flinched. someone hug this man

and then his voice goes all quiet when gertrude is lecturing him and Mary Keay Can Catch These Hands

“you are occasionally useful despite your foolishness” wowwww gertrude. what glowing praise. don’t just say that to his face come onnnn

but “useful” though. “useful”. i know we already know gertrude is an ‘ends justify means’ type character but goddamn if that isn’t just a perfect description of her relationships with people: categorised by their use to her plans and nothing more

“the network of sinister tunnels that snake beneath the archive” gertrude definitely knows about the tunnels lets be real. she’s just protecting jurgen leitner stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner goddamn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whore

what i wouldn’t give for gerry to have canonically beaten up jurgen leitner more than once. that’s going in my triple archivist fic

“what happens if we fail” oh. oh no. oh no whats gertrude going to say

“i suspect death puts us beyond their power” hmmm. seems like a fair point but i feel like the end would come up with some fuckery because this universe is a bastard and doesn’t let anyone get the rest they deserve. this isn’t really important to the plot (at least I Hope Not) but the thought of eldritch fear gods being able to reach us after death... chills

“[actual death] is preferable to lingering in a world they control” oh no that’s not good for jon to hear

“they might even stop death entirely.” hmmm. HMMMMMM

“and taxes?” “taxes i imagine will continue” hell yeah jonny get his ass (’him’ being capitalism). also i know the coronavirus lockdown isnt exactly an apocalypse caused by eldritch fear gods forcing themselves through into our world, but considering the shit thats been going on? yeah i imagine taxes would continue

“could it be undone?” “no, i don’t think so” oh no. oh no jon. jon nooo. he’s just playing it over and over and god he must be feeling so guilty and helpless. he also gets a hug. and another. and then three more. then one more but it lasts for like an hour before i have to phase back into my own dimension

TIM AND SASHA i’m still not prepared to hear their voices i love they

sasha is so competent she’s incredible and i am in awe of her

hell yeah tim is drinking his respect woman juice

“jimmy magma. joany magnum? jack magnet” asjdfhakjfhakjhfk tim you’re the best

“what if we kill him” Fuck Off Jonny You Can’t Do That

SADHJA WAS GOIJNG YO QUIKT I AM SJDFHKJLASLKFDJGKSDJHF

holy fuck we got canon timsasha. also “you’re not the love interest”??? sasha was a lesbian. source: me, also a lesbian. who can Do What She Wants

“you might be the character they drop after the pilot” sasha no dont say that!!!! as the character who was dropped after the pilot (ok season not episode but still) i have determined that is Illegal. and yes i know sasha was killed off for entirely valid reasons and not just dropped but shhhh i am hurting

“i dont have anything keeping me here” oh sasha. oh you sweet summer child. i wish that was the case. i really do

oh hey sasha knew about tim’s brother? martin told tim about his CV? THE S1 ARCHIVE STAFF WERE FRIENDS AND I MISS THEM A LOT BECAUSE GODDAMMIT THE S3/4 STAFF DIDN’T FOUND-FAMILY LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO

“no such thing as the real you”? “it’s all just masks”??? jonny stop stop im already dead you dont need to kill me again

(god i fucking hate that i get the stanislavsky bit. i only did drama gcse but the exam was terrible because none of the exam board’s practice questions were even anywhere close so no one was prepared and i spent so long revising all these pointless notes on how to answer the difficult questions and i regret it So Much and any reminder of that fucking bullshit exam i had to do Fills Me With Rage

“if you get eaten alive by improperly filed statements, me and martin will avenge you... we’ll burn this place to the ground.” god i am in pain. not only do we have more archives arson foreshadowing but we also have this line that hits like a punch in the gut because they didn’t avenge sasha, did they?

“i find it highly unlikely this sasha ever even existed at all” “i’m unforgettable” shut up shut the fuck up is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED???? because it fucking shouldnt be. it’s murder jonny time lads!!!

is. is jon crying. oh no

and then he gets fucking posessed by the cabin?? i love how the format of the statements has changed its very interesting

The One You Love The One You Love The One You Love

jonmartin are so in love that even eldritch fear cabins can’t not see it. jonny really said “you can read their relationship as platonic... but i am going to do my goddamn best to make that hard for you” huh

and fuck, this statement. it’s so creepy and i love how we cant distinguish which entity it is, because does it even matter any more? the list of 14 was a human creation anywhere, i think the ‘different parts of a body’ metaphor l*itner used is makes more sense now. it doesn’t matter which part of the body is attacking you, it matters that you’re being attacked in the first place so figuring out which part it is isn’t really a priority any more

but i think it’s mostly stranger and spiral? i also get very vague corruption vibes from the description of the planks because “they are warmer, softer and more yielding than the timber they present”? ugghhhh. corruption has often been associated with this kind of ‘wrong’ warmth (think jon amherst) and it also brings to mind that episode where the guy nails meat all over his walls and the rot makes the statement giver’s ceiling collapse. but then there’s the lonely there too, because yes jonmartin have each other but jon says it himself: “it will not let you feel the warmth of joy this love may claim to gift”. just try tell me the concept of being unable to find happiness in love isn’t Lonely, even if it’s not entirely true

but yeah basically i love the merging of entities present in this creepy statement

“our tomb” huh. the pov changes here, it’s gone from talking about jon in second person, to talking as jon in first person. so if jon wasn’t possessed by SpOoKy CaBiN like i thought (because if he was, why would he suddenly switch like this? it doesnt make sense)... then what was making that statement? my instinct is to say it was The Archivist or rather, The Archives talking about jon but like a separate personality, which... yikes

“[this will be] my chrysalis. it is time that i emerge.” monster jon? monster jon. this line gave me chills because damnnnn i love me some good eldritch!jon

“i wanted to leave and hunt down elias” hell yeah jon go and brutal pipe murder that bastard its what you deserve

martin has packed bags already and he brought tea and i love him so muchhhhh

and jon’s smile is AUDIBLE he loves martin so much my tiny heart can’t handle it

“we got this.” “apparently so 😍 “ just tell me you can’t hear the heart eyes in jon’s voice. oh wait. you cant

LET MARTIN BURN SOMETHING ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

“we can’t fight the world, martin” “says you” afkjhasfkjhadkjghdakjghakdgf

to summarise:

get ready for me to type out the same summary for all 40 episodes because jesus fucking christ. jonny’s writing never fails to make me Feel All The Emotions at once. i give this one a spooky sentient cabin out of 10

#tma s5 #tma episode 162 #tma spoilers #my s5 rambles

[victorianoir]

The Detective and the ManFatale, Part 1

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up here. But I’ll be adding the rest of what I’ve written since the last chapter I posted on tumblr. And I’ll add it to the MASTERPOST of The Detective and the Tech Guy here, as well. If you want to read this chapter on the fanfiction.net site, you can read it here: BOOP.

Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She found herself nodding off at her desk yet again, thanks to the long night she'd had.

Reaching up, she gave herself a few light smacks to the cheek and blinked, stretching her arms above her head. A satisfied smile made itself known on her face. The extra tiredness was more than worth it. Not sleeping more than the two hours she'd gotten earlier this morning? Worth it.

Part of her had been reluctant to say yes to Chuck when he proposed they "adventure" last night. Well, honestly, she'd misunderstood at first when he'd said they should "adventure", because she'd taken it in an "exploration" sort of way. It wasn't her fault, really, since they'd been wrapped up together on his couch watching TV at the time. Or not watching TV, because they were actually making out heavily with the TV on in the background. So it only made sense that she'd taken "We should adventure" as "Let's move from second base to third base".

Then she had realized he'd meant outside; actually going somewhere in the middle of the night and adventuring in the city.

She'd been more reluctant about that. Obviously. What woman wouldn't be when she had a Chuck Bartowski to enjoy being pinned under instead?

She snorted to herself and pushed her hands through her hair.

God, she was tired. Even if driving over bridges, climbing to the tops of hills, looking up at the stars from their spot on the sandy beach after walking along its shores, was all worth it.

Why did she even come to the agency today? She was her own boss. She could've taken today off, kissed Chuck goodbye as he left for work, and stayed all wrapped up in his bed for the rest of the day, sleeping the tiring (but invigorating) night she'd had off.

But that wasn't how she wanted to operate with Walker Investigative Enterprises. She was a damn professional. And she'd be here, yawning and all. Because she was honestly between cases and really needed to up the marketing to get someone with a case in here. Granted, most of the work she needed to do was ugly, horrible paperwork. Filing things for taxes, making sure the IRS didn't come busting her door down.

She yawned again and groaned, thumping her forehead against the top of her desk, taking a deep breath, and letting her eyes shut.

It was worth eventually walking up that hill to watch the sunrise with Chuck's arms around her.

Totally worth it.

And God, why hadn't she stayed in bed? Professionalism really was a lousy trait for someone to have.

Suddenly, she heard the soft sound of the hinges on the outer door to her agency creak, and she lifted her head, sitting up straight.

"Uh…ahem…anyone here? Is there a, um, a bell?"

She rushed out from behind her desk, opened her office door a bit more and stepped out. "Yes. Good afternoon. May I help you?"

The man lifted both eyebrows as he peered at her, and she couldn't help but notice the almost charming slow smile that presented itself on his handsome face. "It's a great afternoon suddenly, from where I'm standing."

She gave him an exceedingly polite smile. If this was a client, she couldn't afford to be rude. Literally, she couldn't afford it.

He cleared his throat, shaking himself a bit, seeming almost self-deprecating. And then he smirked a bit, as though…Well, he seemed pretty aware of himself. There was a thread of amusement at his own expense, which she didn't expect. "Right. Uh, I'm here to see the, um, private investigator. Detective Walker? Mister Walker? Not sure which…"

"I'm Sarah Walker, private investigator."

"It's you?" he asked. He pushed a hand through his wavy jet black hair, and grinned. "Wow, that's your name on the door, huh?"

"Yes. It is."

"Oh. Right. Sorry. I'll stop being such a prick and get to the reason why I'm here."

She wished he would. She was too tired for him to be standing here doing the same thing a lot of people had done when they first saw her. The gawking, either at her being a woman, or perhaps at the fact that she was as good-looking as she was, or both. The asking of that age-old question: "Really? You're Walker?"

Yes, asshole. Really.

She didn't care if this guy was handsome in an old school Alain Delon sort of way, or that he had a nice lilting accent that sounded like it might be British…but not at the same time. She thought he was probably South African, but the accent felt…different. A little off, maybe.

It was still freaking annoying that he fell into the same trap everyone else had.

"Uh, so…" He cleared his throat and shut the door behind him finally, straightening the tan suit he wore. "Well, I think I need your help."

"You think?"

"Well, I guess I know I need someone's help." He shook his head. "And I need someone good, someone who can be very discreet."

"I'm both of those things," she said, smirking a little.

A bit of a flirtatious look came over his features and he crossed his arms at his chest. "And confident, too. I like that."

"Why do you need a private investigator, Mister…?"

"Cartwright. Robert Cartwright. You can call me Robbie."

"What can I help you with, Mister Cartwright?"

"Not Robbie, then?" He chuckled and nodded. "Sorry. You're a professional. I should treat you as such. Inspector Walker? Detective?"

"Miss is just fine."

"That is good news."

The meaning wasn't lost on her, and she pretended it was, seemingly continuing to stare at him, waiting for him to actually get to business like he said he would ages ago. She was too tired to play games but she wanted a case to work on.

He cleared his throat again. "Right, well…It seems I'm in a bit of trouble, Miss Walker."

"All right. Come into my office and we'll talk about it."

"You mean you'll take my case?" he asked hopefully.

She sent him a bit of an amused look. "Did I say that?" she asked over her shoulder, eyeing him, and she led him into her office, gesturing for him to take a seat across the desk from her, taking her own seat after. "Can I get you water? Coffee?"

"Do you have any whiskey?"

"No."

"Well, good. I'm a champagne man, myself."

Sarah smirked. His sense of humor was catching her off-guard in a similar way to the way Chuck's had, especially when she'd first met him a few years ago, sitting across from him in his father's office, not expecting him to be so handsome or charming, to the point where she'd found herself flirting with him without realizing it.

She wouldn't be flirting with Robbie Cartwright at all, and certainly not in the way she'd flirted with the tech nerd.

She was more than simply taken. When it came to Chuck, she was fully off the market, even for something as innocent as flirtation. Even if it was almost…intriguing…how similar parts of this man were to Chuck, while also being incredibly different. Maybe it was the place he was coming from, the way Chuck felt very sincere in everything he did while this man just made her feel a bit…not guarded, per se, just…on her toes.

It was very strange. She wanted to work it out more than she wanted to hear about his case, she found.

"I don't have champagne."

"No, I expect you wouldn't. Not here, anyway. Perhaps when you fix this issue of mine, we can find somewhere that does have champagne and celebrate?"

"Please, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, Mister Cartwright. I haven't taken your case. I still don't even know what it is yet." She went into her drawer, pulled out her small notepad, a pen, and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs and propping the pad on her knee as she waited patiently.

"Yes. Sorry. I shouldn't just assume you are single…" He pulled his chin back a bit and looked at her through his eyelashes, as if hinting he wanted to know if she was single. She didn't owe him any information about her personal life or romantic life. And anyway, whether she was attached to someone or not, he owed her more respect than to be broaching the subject of champagne or celebration when he'd literally just walked in to ask her to help him with an 'issue'.

"Mister Cartwright, your problem you need help with…?" she finally prompted, as if she didn't even notice the way he paused significantly.

He seemed to pick up on what she was doing and seemed to appreciate it as he smirked and nodded. "I apologize. You're…very distracting." She had no response to that. "Right. Yes. Well… There is this…acquaintance, shall we say, of mine. Normally, I try to mind my own business, especially when I don't know a person, right? But there's just something about him that seems…not right."

"How so?" Sarah asked, twirling her pen in her fingers.

"Jerald Brown. Have you heard of him?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"He's an alleged philanthropist. Think he has a tech company or something. But I keep hearing things about business dealings that just don't add up. And with the connection he has to philanthropy, the amount of people who depend on him being on the up and up, it's genuinely concerning."

Sarah frowned, giving him a dubious look. "What does that have to do with you, Mister Cartwright?"

"Maybe I'm just a good guy."

He chuckled when she gave him a flat look. She wouldn't stand for a potential client treating her like she was stupid.

"I'm sorry, you're right," he said, smiling, his light blue eyes sparkling. "I'm an okay guy. It's mostly that I'm thinking about maybe doing some business with him. I want to make sure he's not involved in any illegal business dealings. I don't want to be hoodwinked or have my named tied up with his if he's…disreputable. I want to know he's a good family man."

"Are you a 'good family man', Mister Cartwright?" she asked, without a hint of flirtation.

He apparently took it that way, though, as he grinned and leaned forward. "I am not, Miss Walker. Any particular reason why you ask?"

"Yes," she said, smiling a little. "Because I wonder why you require a potential business partner to be a good family man if you don't require that of yourself."

"Oh." He sat back again. "Perhaps—and I'll admit this to you, Miss Walker, because I'm not claiming to be an angel by any means," he said, with a mischievous look she might've been more attracted to at some other point in her life, namely the past, "I might be something of a hypocrite. Perhaps I expect more of my colleagues than I do of myself." He shrugged. "Isn't that human? Don't we all?"

She sniffed in amusement. "Touché."

He grinned again at her assenting his point.

"So, will you take my case, Miss Walker?"

Sarah eyed him for a long time, flipping her notepad shut, open, shut, open… There was something about him that intrigued her. And it wasn't exactly a good intrigue she got from this first impression, like she'd gotten from her very first encounter with Chuck; it wasn't a need to know more about him, to know him better because he seemed like it would make her feel good to know him. No, this was different. She wanted to get to the bottom of where this guy was coming from because he wasn't like other people she'd met. Something set her on edge and she wanted to know why.

It wasn't just the clicking lilt of his accent or the way he seemed to emphasize certain words in his speech, every syllable coming out measured and precise as if he was parsing words. The more he sat across from her and spoke to her, the more his charm was less genuine and more a blanket to cover something else, or it was a distraction perhaps.

But she wanted to keep this guy around, she decided, keep him in her sights. She found she didn't care much about Jerald Brown. Robert Cartwright had her full attention.

So she nodded. "All right, Mister Cartwright. I'll look into Jerald Brown for you. It might take some time. I need to tail him, get some information, meet with contacts." She climbed up from her chair and set her notepad and pen on her desk.

"Take all the time you need, Miss Walker." He clapped once and stood as well, smiling in relief. "As long as it's discreet. I don't want a potential future business associate to know I've sicked a wicked P.I. on him."

"Wicked?" she asked, smirking.

"Mhm. Oh, don't worry. It's a compliment."

She gave him a look, then pulled her calendar out, scanning it. "Do you have time to meet again on Friday? I'll draw up a payment plan, we can go over that, and we'll solidify what you need from me."

The look on his face told her he was just barely resisting the urge to tell her exactly what he needed. And she was glad he was holding back. She didn't want to have to draw lines with a client. It was demeaning.

"Here?" he asked.

"Yes. Please. Noon work for you?"

"Friday at noon." He straightened his suit again. "Shall I bring the champagne?"

"I don't drink when I'm working, Mister Cartwright."

He held his hands up. "Of course. But may I try again to ask you to call me Robbie? I might be a bit too entrenched in my South African ways…"

She wasn't sure that was a South African thing. It sounded more like a Guy Who Was Attracted To A Woman sort of thing. But she didn't care enough to dispute him. "If that makes you more comfortable, then I will."

"It does."

She nodded, neglecting to tell him he could call her Sarah. Because, honestly, he couldn't. "All right. See you on Friday, then, Robbie."

His wide smile was charming again as he flashed her a double thumbs up. "Sounds great. Thank you for considering my case, Miss Walker."

She nodded, watching as he left. And it wasn't until the main door out into the hallway shut behind him that she let out a long sigh and sagged against the desk her assistant would sit at. If she had one.

This was going to be interesting.

Very interesting.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Chuck was in the middle of blowing a robot's head off when he heard the door to his condo open. "Hey, hot stuff," he called over his shoulder, not looking as he finished off another robot.

A few seconds later, as he beat the level, pumping his fist in front of him with a "yessssss", he felt her cool hand slide over the back of his neck.

"You knew I wasn't Morgan, right?" she asked. "I feel like I just need to make sure."

He cracked up and saved, turning it off altogether. "He doesn't have a key to my place. You're the only one who does."

"Good point," she giggled, leaning down and kissing the top of his head. He noticed she had her briefcase draped over her shoulder but she wasn't in her work clothes, in stretchy pants and a V-neck shirt instead. "You don't have to turn off your game."

"Nah, that was a good stopping point."

"I'm going to be doing work anyway." She lifted her briefcase and huffed, plopping down onto the couch next to him and swinging the strap off over her head, dropping it to the floor next to her feet, kicking off her sneakers and tucking her legs under her body.

He lifted his arm and let her lean into his side, draping that same arm over her shoulders and pulling her close. "Paperwork?"

"A case."

"Oh. Oh!" He squeezed her shoulder. "Hey! A case! That's awesome! Tell me everything. The whole thing. I want to know every detail."

She giggled. "Chuck, I can't give you every detail of every client's case."

"Fiiine." He gave her a put-upon sigh and got his hair ruffled for it, giggling and trying to push her hand out of his curls. He managed to wrestle her down into his lap, her head resting on his thighs and she beamed up at him, blowing some of her blond locks out of her face and threading her fingers with his, resting them on her abdomen. "You can tell me, like, highlights if you want."

She giggled. "You win. But only because it's really adorable how excited you are about my work."

"That's mostly just because it's you. I hope you know that."

Sarah's blue eyes softened and she reached up to pinch his chin. "I love you a lot." He just grinned down at her, resting his hand on her head and stroking her hair back from her face. "So, yeah. This, uh, rich guy from South Africa wants me to look into someone he's thinking of doing business with. That's all."

"Ah, doing some vetting, huh?"

"Mhm."

"Some discreet vetting. That's the best kind."

She chuckled. "I guess so. It's not as easy."

"But you got it. You're incredible at being discreet." He shrugged. "You're incredible at everything."

Sarah beamed up at him. "You're being so cute and schmaltzy tonight. What's up with that?"

"I dunno," he said with a chuckle. "I missed you. Haven't seen you in, like, two and a half days. Do you get to tail this guy?"

She made a face, probably at his quick change of subject. But she still answered. She was too used to him doing that to her, he thought. "Yeah, I do. I have to, I don't get to. Tailing people isn't fun in any way, shape, or form, Chuck."

"No, I'm sure it's no piece of cake or anything. But it is kinda cool."

"You just think that because you watch too many movies that make it look cool. It's completely boring and exhausting."

He huffed. "I'll take your word for it. Since you're a professional. So is this South African guy just wanting to make sure he won't get himself into trouble being connected to this other guy?"

"Yes. Cartwright seems…I dunno…" She paused, biting her lip. "There's something I can't quite put my finger on. He's charming, doesn't seem like a terrible person or anything. I've spent the last few days just doing a quick check on him, building a little dossier of sorts. Mostly keeps to himself, stays out of the limelight… couldn't really find any pictures of him as a result. At least nothing prior to a few months ago."

Chuck had already pulled his phone out and brought up Google. "What's his full name?"

"Robert Cartwright," she said, giggling as he typed it in. "You really think I didn't Google image search him? There are literally no pictures of the guy. Anywhere. Just a recent picture on some low-tier celebrity blogger's page."

"That's impressive." He scrolled through. There really was nothing. "Oh. What about this guy?"

"Mm. No. That's not him. That's for some crab shack restaurant or something in Maine. A different Robert Cartwright."

"How did he manage this? I want to talk to him and ask him. Because I would love this to happen when people Google search for Charles Bartowski. Instead of that stupid fuckin' picture of me from that celebrity video game tournament when I'm practically biting my tongue off in concentration. Four years later and I still don't know how to purge the Internet of that damn picture. Headphones smashing my hair in all these weird directions."

"I love that picture. I'm gonna print it out and frame it…keep it on my desk at the agency to remind me of how lucky I am."

"Stop it."

She giggled with her tongue between her teeth. "And I'll tape a hundred dollar bill to it to remind me of how rich you are, which is why I'm really lucky."

Chuck's jaw fell open as he cracked up, trying to grab her as she bolted upright out of his lap and dove out of his reach.

They eventually settled into their routine of sorts, Chuck strewn long ways across the couch, his head in her lap, his laptop propped on his abdomen, Sarah holding the file she was building on the Jerald Brown "mark" she'd eventually told him about as they talked about the case here and there.

It had surprised him. He'd heard about Jerald Brown even if he hadn't ever done business with him, or even crossed paths with him. But the man seemed like he was genuine, not a criminal, even above reproach, if the things Chuck heard about him in the past were any indication. He told Sarah that, in not so many words, and she'd seemed to mull it over for a while.

"Okay, here's what I don't get…" she said finally. "Are you busy? May I confer with your stellar brain?"

Chuck snorted. "You may. Though my stellar brain might need a martini to really feel stellar. I held off on a martini earlier because I think I just had a sixth sense you'd be coming over tonight and I should wait."

"Awww, are we at that point in this relationship when our minds are melding?"

"Oh, definitely," he hummed. "I'm gonna mind meld with you right now. You're going to ask me why Cartwright isn't as handsome or as cool as I am, even if he is from South Africa and has a tight accent."

She laughed, her head falling back. "How did you do that?" she asked, booping him on the nose. He chuckled. "He does have a tight accent, though. But I was going to say I don't get why Cartwright is so paranoid about Jerald Brown."

Chuck shrugged, shutting his laptop with a yawn and reaching over to set it on the coffee table. "You said he keeps to himself, stays out of the limelight. Maybe he's just like that. Paranoid. Thinking everyone's out to get him, steal from him. Even guys on the up and up like Brown."

"But does he hire a P.I. for every single business transaction, every partnership? My fees aren't exactly cheap, and I'm on the lower end of the private detective LA circuit. Why is he so paranoid about Brown in particular?"

"Maybe he knows something about Brown he isn't telling you. Like, he's testing you to see if you can figure it out for yourself."

She gave him a look. "Chuck, what would be the point of that?"

"I…" He thought for a few seconds. "Don't know. Sorry. I'm just lobbin' ideas atcha. Seeing if anything sticks. I don't know of anything Brown might be hiding."

"You might be right and he's just paranoid. I bet you are right, actually. He just doesn't seem like that type of guy. He seemed…outgoing. Kind of mischievous and teasing. He didn't really fit the paranoid build."

Chuck froze a little. Something about the way she'd been talking about this guy made him sound like he was on the younger side, but also that he might be…compelling, charming. That interested him. And set off a few quiet but definitely still there alarm bells. But there was also something about the way her eyes became so sharp, her lips pursed, like she was deep in thought, working something out… He knew her enough to know there was more to this guy than met the eye.

"Just how much about this guy's build did you notice, Sarah Walker, P.I.?" he asked, widening his eyes and sitting up, shifting close to her and facing her full on.

"Shut up," she giggled. "You know exactly what I meant."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. He's probably, like, some ManFatale…flipping his hair and giving you a dark, dangerous look as he tells you he's in trouble." She began laughing and shaking her head as he affected an old-timey accent. "I'm in big trouble, Sarah Walker, P.I., and I need help. I need ya help, see?" He smoldered to finish it off.

"Why do I even like you?"

"Martinis and money."

Sarah cackled and slid her fingers into his hair at the back of his head, leaning in to give him a long kiss. "Mmmm, both of those things help." He loved the cheeky way she smiled at him, biting her lip. "But speaking of martinis…"

"On their way." He pecked her lips and got up from the couch, yelping as she gave his backside a swat while he moved past where she sat. "You know, sometimes you do that and I feel like a piece of meat," he teased, going to the bar and grabbing everything he needed.

"Wait, do you really?" she asked, and he looked over his shoulder to see that the look on her face was one of sincere concern.

"No," he said with a snort. "You just got through talking about my stellar brain, after all."

"It is pretty stellar."

"Thank you. And so is yours. You're like if Poirot was an incredibly sexy woman in her twenties instead of an old Belgian man with a crazy cool mustache."

She giggled. "Would you still love me if I had a crazy cool mustache?"

"What?" He finished the martinis in record time and went into his kitchen to grab a few olives for himself. "I think I would love you extra, if I'm bein' honest."

That earned him a strange look as he came back in with their drinks, one in each hand.

"No, seriously. Maybe while you're tailing Jerald Brown you can wear one for me, huh?" He made a play growl sound as he carefully sat next to her and handed her a martini.

"You're so weird and I love you so fucking much." She sipped her martini and moaned. "So much. How is it this good every time?"

"Baby, I'm a masterpiece. Obviously." He chuckled as she let out a bubbly giggle, tugging on one of his curls.

"You kind of are, though."

"Mm nope. I have my faults."

"Sure. So do I. And yet…you masterpiece." She shut the folder on her lap and set it to the side, on top of his laptop.

"Oh. Folder's away. Uh oh. What are you up to—? OH."

Sarah had swung her leg over to straddle him, martini still in hand, interrupting him with a slow, and sizzling if he did say so himself, kiss. When she pulled back, she took another calm sip of the drink.

"I have an idea."

"Please God tell it to me," he breathed out in a rush.

That made her snort, and yet it didn't break the heated mood even a bit. "What day is tomorrow?"

"That's a question, not an idea—Sorry. Uh, Thursday."

"Thursday. Well, I don't have anything pressing at the agency. Do you have anything pressing at B.E.C.?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"I'll cancel everything."

She beamed. "You don't have—"

"Listen, if you weren't currently sitting on my phone, I would've already texted Adisa to cancel everything for tomorrow by now."

Chuckling, she leaned in and kissed him again. She had this way of coupling a slow, heated kiss with stroking his hair that made him feel like he was sitting in a fire pit in the middle of the Saharan desert.

"Let's stay in tomorrow," she murmured against his lips.

"Perfect. We can do an X-Files marathon."

Sarah giggled and shook her head. "Stop it." She kissed him again.

"No, I'm serious. Nothin' like aliens and—"

He stopped when she pressed her finger to his lips. "Okay, you really need to know when to shut up."

Chuck smirked. "Yeah, true. It's one of my faults."

"I can work with it."

"Oh?"

"I have ways of shutting you up."

"Do y—Oh. Oh, wow you do."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Chuck was in a bit of a sour mood as he pulled up to the parking lot beside the building where Sarah's agency was. That was why he was here in the first place, wasn't it? To get rid of his mood. His girlfriend had a singular way of chasing the dark clouds away.

Also, he was hungry and he thought he'd treat her to lunch.

He hadn't seen her walk out of her apartment this morning with a packed lunch like she did more often these days. It saved money, she said, his frugal and responsible private investigator.

Well, she'd save money today, because lunch was on him.

He needed to get his mom's stinging barbs from earlier out of his mind. He needed to get rid of the anger he'd felt at her words. And he needed to do it before he got up to Sarah's agency, because she'd see the look on his face no matter what he did to hide it, and he'd have to tell her that his mom was being awful about her again.

He hated that it hurt her.

He hated that his mom still did this.

He and Sarah were approaching their second anniversary: it was almost two years since that morning they ate breakfast together on the floor of his half-demolished hotel room in Paris, when they decided to make a genuine go of it. And his mom had known about their relationship for over a year now. She still couldn't just…be nice.

It had felt a lot worse today because he'd almost let himself hope that Mary Bartowski was starting to come to terms with her son's relationship with the woman Pinkerton sent to protect him two and a half years ago, her son's relationship with the woman he had more than proven he was in love with. And he felt like Sarah had more than proven she reciprocated his feelings.

His mother had been almost pleasant, in a sincere way, the past few weeks. She'd extended a genuine invite over the weekend for Chuck and Sarah to come have a meal with the whole family. That had included Devon's parents, even, which was just…unheard of. Even when she had asked Chuck about inviting Sarah's parents, when he told her that they weren't in the picture, since he didn't really know much more than that honestly, his mom had seemed sorry and sympathetic, rather than using it as yet another reason to hint something was wrong with Sarah. There was no tone when she'd said, "Oh. Poor Sarah. I didn't know." And it had given him some hope.

But today, she'd gone back to her usual business when she'd visited Chuck in his office, asking whether Sarah was getting clientele yet, if "after all of this time", she actually had a job. As though the months and months of her building up her agency wasn't literally a job, even if she didn't get paid for it until she took on her first case.

It was worse because he'd built so much hope, only to have it dashed. Like she'd been saving it up for the exact purpose to make him feel even more like shit. He knew that wasn't the case. And he knew she had misgivings about Sarah for reasons that were real for her. But she was wrong. And until she accepted Sarah, she'd always be wrong.

He needed to find some way to deal with it besides being so angry all the time. He was well past done allowing his mother to hurt Sarah, and that meant keeping these small rifts he had with his mother over her from reaching her ears.

Taking a deep breath, he got out of his car and headed inside of the building, pressing the button and waiting for the elevator.

He straightened his blazer and took another deep breath. He was about to see his favorite person in the world for the second time in one day, if waking up beside her this morning counted. He counted it. And he was incredibly happy about it, ready for it. He needed it, frankly.

Even just seeing that epic door of hers, with the foggy glass and her name printed on it: Walker Investigative Enterprises. It filled him with joy. She was living her dream. She was here. They were here together.

His mom could frankly sit down and shut up. He tried not to inwardly wince at that thought. As though wherever she was, Mary Bartowski might feel or hear his thought about her, fly to his side, and ground him, send him to his room, bar him from his video games.

Chuck opened the door to her outer office and stopped when he heard voices inside of her personal office. Oh…she had a client, a visitor, someone was here. He felt like maybe he should turn back, leave, and come back in fifteen minutes maybe. He could text her first. And then he'd come back.

Or…

He could eavesdrop…since that was what he wanted to do more. As much as he knew he shouldn't. But he just wanted to.

So he oh so silently crept in and eased the door shut. The hinge creaked a bit and he made a note to bring some WD40 at some point to fix that. But he didn't hear the voices stop, so he assumed they hadn't heard.

"This fee is more than doable," the man in her office said, his voice wafting out of the not-quite-shut door. "In fact, it feels like a steal. Why don't you let me give you more up front?"

"It isn't necessary," Sarah said. "I have a set rate I charge my clients depending on the type of case and the work that will go into it. This is a fair price to start."

"It's too fair. I'll up it by thirty-three percent." The man chuckled. "Oh, come on. You know, I'm trying really hard here to thank you. A little kindness, you know…" Chuck rolled his eyes at that. "For someone I like." That made him frown a little. "And it helps that upping the paycheck I give you means I might get even better work from you."

"I do my job pretty well with the rate I set."

"That's not what I mean at all."

"No, I know," Sarah said, being more than reasonable, Chuck thought. "Robbie, please just agree to this, read through it, sign. That's all I need from you. This amount here, write me a check up front. And the rest when I finish the job. I reserve the right to charge more depending on the work I end up having to do for the case."

Robbie…?

"You're really stubborn, you know that? But I'll match your stubbornness as we continue to see one another, you just give me some time." There was a pause, the sound of papers being turned, the scratching of a pen against paper. "This is a lot better than an Apple terms and services agreement, I'll tell you that. You get right to the point, don't you, Sarah Walker?"

"I find brevity works better for everyone involved."

"Oh, not me. I love complications. I'd have complications' children if it was at all possible."

Chuck heard Sarah giggle at that. He felt a bit of heat come up from his collar, knowing how foolish it was immediately. Even if this Robbie fellow was obviously charming and even more obviously flirting with his girlfriend, his girlfriend hadn't flirted back—nor would she. It wasn't his ego telling him that, it was his trust in her, in them.

And he needed to cool it with the green-eyed monster.

But he found it even harder to do when he leapt back to the visitor chair and sat down, grabbing the issue of Cosmopolitan that was sitting there and picking it up to pretend he was reading it, because out came a stupidly handsome man, dressed in a spiffy, tailored suit, insanely perfect swoosh-hair, and blue eyes that were literally sparkling as he looked over his shoulder at Sarah as she followed him out of her private office.

"So you're shooing me out—?" The words died on the stupidly handsome man's lips as he noticed Sarah had stopped, looking at something else. That something else was Chuck and he was pretty mollified and gratified both by the dazzling smile she flashed him after her client spun to see what she was looking at. Or whom.

"Oh," Sarah said. "You're here."

"I am." He nodded once, then looked down at the magazine in his hands. The page he'd randomly opened it to in order to make it seem like he wasn't eavesdropping was absolutely a full-page How To chart for oral sex. "Ahem." He dropped the magazine back to the table. "Interesting…articles…in there. Informative," he said, tugging at his suit a bit to straighten it.

The stupidly handsome man seemed to just be standing there awkwardly then, and Sarah snapped out of her amused, but somewhat searching look, and gestured towards the door.

"Mister Cartwright, I'll fill you in on what I find Monday when we meet again."

"You don't work on weekends then, huh?" Cartwright asked, smiling teasingly.

"I do, yes. Hence why I'll have something for you on Monday."

Yeah, you stupidly pretty assmunch, Chuck thought to himself with an inward smirk. God, she was so hot.

"Oh. That makes sense." He chuckled self-deprecatingly, then turned to eye Chuck a bit expectantly.

It became clear to everyone in the room that he wouldn't leave without some sort of an introduction. So Sarah, very reluctantly Chuck saw, moved between them and reached out in his direction. "Oh, excuse me, Mister Cartwright. This is Mister…"

"Bartowski," Chuck said, stepping closer and sticking his hand out. "Charles Bartowski."

Robert Cartwright's eyes widened in recognition as he took his hand. "As in Bartowski Electronics Corporation?"

"That's the one, yes. Nice to meet you, Mister, uh…"

"Cartwright," the other man said with a grin. Sarah gave Chuck a bit of a droll but amused look that only he could see.

"Cartwright, yes. Sorry. Have so much on my mind, always."

"Oh, yes. Yes. So you're seeking Miss Walker's services as well, are you?" He crossed his arms at his chest.

"Yes. Yes, I am…seeking Miss Walker's services." He shared a bit of a look with Sarah and he could see that telltale sparkle in her blue eyes, the way she twisted her pursed lips to the side, probably to keep from smiling or laughing.

"Well, I don't think either of us has anything to worry about. You're highly recommended, Miss Walker. I've heard nothing but very good things, and I get around and hear…well, quite a lot. In my business." Cartwright clapped his hand on Chuck's shoulder, even though he'd been talking to and looking at Sarah.

"Yes, Walker Investigative Enterprises operates with the utmost discretion. So discreet. Professional." Cartwright turned back to Chuck as he responded.

She mouthed "Stop it" from where she stood behind Cartwright, her eyes wide, amusement threatening to boil over.

"Indeed, Charles. Indeed. Well, Miss Walker, I'll let you see to your other client, I suppose, though it's hard to pull myself away, I admit…" the other man groused, and then he reached out his hand towards Sarah for her to shake. He held onto her hand for longer than Chuck thought was necessary, then bid his goodbye and swept out of the place.

He was charming as all get-out and it made Chuck feel…grumpy. And what in the hell was with the strange clip in his accent, like he was concentrating? It didn't feel like an easy charm and it unsettled him. It was probably jealousy. And he was even grumpier about that.

But then Sarah sidled up to him, twisted her hands in the lapels of his jacket, and pulled him in for a slow kiss. "Mmmmm," she hummed, before pulling back, their noses and foreheads pressed together. "Why didn't you just let me tell him you're my boyfriend?"

"Honestly? Two reasons. The first is that he'd trust a recommendation from a super rich tech guru with high expectations over a recommendation from your boyfriend." That made her grin. "The second is that if you told him I was your boyfriend, after all of that flirting he was doing at you, it'd be a little embarrassing for him and I wouldn't be able to hold back the hubris. Which is just rude."

Sarah looked like she was going to laugh, but then an intelligent spark lit her eyes and she pursed her lips, raising an eyebrow. "He wasn't really flirting that bad…"

"Uh, yes. Yes, he kinda was. I mean, he doesn't seem like a full-fledged garden or anything…"

"Garden?" she asked, making a face.

"Seedy. It's a new thing Morgan and I came up with. The term'll catch on. Just wait."

"Oh my God." She just shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, her usual reaction to the weird phrases he and Morgan tried to trademark.

"Wait." She looked at him funny. "Are you…jealous?"

Chuck scoffed. "Nah. It's just…I mean, I walked in and you called him, um, Robbie. And when he flirted with you, there was a liiittle bit of a giggle that came out of you. I'm just sayin'. I heard it. But…I mean, no big deal."

"Chuck, stop."

"No, it's just that he looks like someone took him right out of GQ's Face Edition."

"There's no such thing."

"If there was, he'd be the cover. He's a ManFatale, Sarah. Don't let those baby blues fool ya. That one's dangerous." He leaned his face close to hers and narrowed his eyes, lifting an eyebrow.

"Oh my God," she groaned, letting her forehead fall to his shoulder. "Chuck, I was—" Then she stopped, pulling back a bit and looking up at him through her eyelashes. "I really don't have to explain myself, do I?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"You know you don't," he said softly.

"I didn't think so."

"But seriously, he's kind of too charming. That's weird. And also, how'd he know who I am, Sarah?"

She gave him her 'what the fuck' look. "Chuck, I literally just told him who you are. I introduced you to him."

"No, I know. But he knew Bartowski Electronics Corporation. What's that about?"

"Seriously, Chuck? It's not exactly like B.E.C. isn't well-known. You were on the cover of Forbes with your dad. Where do you think all of that money I'm dating you for comes from?"

"Haaah," he drawled mockingly, sending her a faux glare that made her giggle. "I'm just saying, I'm a little suspicious."

"You're a little jealous."

He held up his fingers. "Just this much. That's all. He looks like a god, Sarah. And he was flirting. Admit that." She conceded with a small shrug. "Am I allowed a little jealousy? Even if I acknowledge it's silly?"

She giggled quietly and kissed him again. "Yes. It's good for my ego. But that doesn't mean you can start flirting back at that Benji Thompson guy's daughter who was at your parents' little anniversary shindig a few months ago."

"Marilyn?"

"Yes. Her."

The way she narrowed her eyes was extremely gratifying, and he held onto the sensations of knowing that interaction had made Sarah into a bit of a green-eyed monster. Not to mention she'd remembered Marilyn Thompson even all these months later. Hmm. "Well, at least we're being ridiculous together," he snarked.

Sarah snorted. "True." She kissed him one more time, then fixed the collar of his suit jacket. He didn't know if it really had needed fixing or if it was just a habit of hers to play with it. "What brings you here today, my tech guy? Miss me already? Even after this morning?"

Her blue eyes glinted with what she'd done to him this morning and he cleared his throat, his hands balling into fists over the waist of her pencil skirt she wore. "I think especially after this morning, if I'm bein' honest."

That made her giggle.

"I actually wanted to take you to lunch. If you haven't eaten."

She hadn't.

And that was how they found themselves sitting across from one another at a breakfast and lunch cafe a few blocks away from her office. He watched as she hungrily shoved her burger in her mouth and took a massive bite. He was glad he'd pulled her away to eat. Any later and she would've let herself start to become Hangry Sarah. And Hangry Sarah was almost as bad as Hangry Chuck. God, the few times Hangry Sarah and Hangry Chuck had met…scary. Truly scary. Morgan had nearly been murdered but thankfully the chef had fed them fast enough to protect himself.

So he waited until she'd gotten enough into her system to eat a bit slower before he brought up the other thing.

"Hey…So…Interesting timing, me coming to take you to lunch today, what with your meeting with Cartwright and everything being today as well." She made a questioning face as she sipped her ice tea to wash the burger down. "Well, because I was actually going to talk to you about that case. Cartwright's case I mean."

"Why? You have info or something for me?" she asked around a fry.

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "So, this um…" Chuck leaned in closer to her and lowered his voice. "Jerald Brown guy, the one Face Edition is having you investigate." She gave him a flat look at the new nickname he was using for her client but he ignored it. "He works in the tech industry."

She nodded. "Yeah. He has a large share in Gridiron Technology."

"GT deals mostly with the big machines, like the big security systems, power grid, all that digital stuff big firms and factories are using to operate and protect their businesses." Sarah nodded again, as though she already knew all of this. "GT is looking for a new investor. Someone else they can bring in to buy some shares and add some power and money to the whole thing, get back some clout after their stock took a hit last year."

"Cartwright," she said.

"Mhm, that was my thought."

She smiled at him. "How'd you find all this out?"

"Babe, I'm in the know. Duuuuh." She rolled her eyes as he picked at the lettuce on his own burger and put a bit in his mouth. "This is my playground. My dad's pals with all of these guys. Or at least, he knows of them. And because he does, I tend to learn stuff, hear stuff as well. But!" Chuck held up a finger. "This is really hush-hush. They don't want to seem like they need this investor. So they're being discreet, operating it under the radar, so to speak."

"So is that shady? Seems like it could be shady."

"It could be, but it'd be a lot of damn work and for what reason? There's also the fact that Jerald Brown has a reputation."

"What kind of reputation?"

"A really good one. Family man, good business, fair, honest."

"Family man." She rolled her eyes. "That's such a loaded phrase."

He winced. "Really good point. He has a family and he seems close with them, though."

"You ever meet him? Do business with him?"

"No, but…I mean, speaking from experience, I'd say Brown is a lot more trustworthy than this god-like Casanova giving you money to investigate a guy who seems pretty upstanding."

"Chuck, your green-eyed monster is showing."

"No, it's not that," he hissed. "Brown is a tech guy. I trust a tech guy over a smarmy rich guy who, frankly, you don't even know where he gets his money. Let's be real, here. Um, also, Jerald Brown can be found on Google."

"Stop," she said in a flat tone. "Chuck, come on. You're being biased because Brown works in your industry and you heard Cartwright flirt at your girlfriend."

"No, I—Sarah, please. You know I'm not that childish." She smirked and he frowned at her. "Fine. Look. Just keep what I said in mind, huh? And maybe look into Gridiron Tech a bit more closely."

"That's good advice, and I also appreciate you giving me that info about GT, Chuck. Thank you," she said, sliding her hand over his on the table and squeezing. "And please, try not to be too jealous. Said with no sarcasm and full seriousness. His Alain Delon looks don't have any effect on me. Not when I have my very own curly-haired, handsome moneybags."

"Talk about my money too much and I'll start getting ideas."

"Oh? What kind of ideas?"

"Expanding the company to make even more money. Gotta keep ya around somehow." She laughed and he put his tongue between his teeth, wrinkling his nose cheekily. "With all these Alain Whoever ManFatales kicking your door in, one of 'em might succeed in sweeping you away from me otherwise."

"You're such an idiot."

"Buuuut you love meeee."

"On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

Chuck snorted and ate his last couple of fries. "I'm really glad it's Friday, then."

#The Detective and the Tech Guy #DATG #Thin Man Chuck #Thin Man Charah #chuck #charah #chuck x sarah #otp: sometimes the nerd gets the girl #Chuck Bartowski #Sarah Walker #nbchuck #tv: chuck #detective!Sarah #tech guy!Chuck #Chuck AU #chuck fic #detective AU #AU fic #charah fic #charah fanfiction #chuck fanfiction #charah AU fic #crossover AU #Thin Man fic #NBC Chuck #I did use the term ManFatale #yes I did #'I'm really glad it's Friday then'

[itscoldoutsidefilmsthings]

A 3rd year film festival retrospective.

Scumdance (Reno’s premiere underground film festival) has just completed its third year.  As such, this would probably be a good time for a little retrospective and as the festival’s sole proprietor/curator I would be glad to let a little light shine into the inner workings of what it takes to start a film festival, what it takes to keep it running, why I do this in the first place, and the lessons learned along the way.

How did we get here?  In late 2016 I was having conversations with friends, co-workers, bandmates and fellow film nerds about how there was real lack of local film festivals geared towards horror, exploitation, underground, B-movie, etc. types of films.  At the time our band’s practice space was in a warehouse on the edge of town where a loose artist’s community of sorts had taken shape.  Pottery studios, sculpture gardens, graffiti murals, custom hot-rod builders, welding shops, theaters, antique dealers and so much more was all happening in this row of warehouses. One particular spot became hugely inspirational. Next door to our practice space was an event location (for lack of a better term) called the Black Rock Drive-In.  A novelties collector had taken several old cars cut them down, installed benches within and parked them in front of a movie screen like an old-time drive-in movie theater, complete with a western setting sun mural painted on the warehouse’s interior. Combine this with his collection of Airstream trailers, mid-century furniture and appliances, and WWII memorabilia and you had the makings of a great film set.  

Standing outside that warehouse on a chilly evening, post band practice, and musing with our bass player Perry Disgrace, the thought was born… “We should totally put on a mondo-bizzaro film day with crazy movies and bands and just throw a party.” In the true DIY spirit of punk rock, the idea was born and efforts were put in place to manifest this reality.  When mentioning the idea to co-worker and fellow film nerd Gilbert Leiker, he responded “You should call it Scumdance and have the skanking guy from the Circle Jerks albums carrying a camera.”  Boom. Done. Within 20 minutes I had the logo and artwork in place.  I have a habit of taking ideas and running with them, even if they are not my own.  As Pablo Picasso is reported to have said “good artists borrow, great artists steal”… most likely he “borrowed” this from T.S. Eliot.  

As for the details of what it takes to put on a film festival, it’s honestly not all that hard. All you need is a laptop, a projector, a screen, a sound system of some sort, some chairs, a venue, a Film Freeway account and a website.  Having submitted a good number of my short films to a variety of film festivals and having received all manner of rejection (more on that later), the drive to experience critical evaluation of films from the other side was also a strong motivator in bringing this festival about. I already had a website devoted to my filmmaking endeavors. Adding a page listing the event details and linking it to a Film Freeway account was straight forward.  Acquiring the necessary hardware and physical assets was just a matter of pooling resources and gathering items that I already had. The matter of finding a venue has at times proved challenging. The aforementioned Black Rock Drive-In closed. Our favorite dive-bar, in which we hosted the event’s first year, has closed.  Finding the right venue that has a bar, allows outside food to be brought in, while having the right mix of size, space, seating and availability hasn’t been easy; but we have been fortunate enough to work with some fantastic bar owners who have been very accommodating.

The festival itself, wouldn’t be what it is without the amazing filmmakers who have submitted some truly incredible films and the ever enthusiastic judges. The panel of judges was built from a pool of friends some of whom I’ve worked with on previous film projects, some just having shown an overwhelming interest in film and some asked to join the panel after having submitted to previous year’s festivals. It is this last group with whom I am most excited to work.

So why would anyone do this? It’s a question I ask myself every year. Does it pay off when you consider: The countless hours spent watching, rating, and reviewing the films; scheduling a date, finding and coordinating with the venue ,updating FF and the website, attending local meetings to be included in Reno’s Arttown, writing press releases to be distributed on horror sites, selecting the films,  sending out acceptance and rejection letters, scheduling a run of show, setting up all the equipment, running the festival,  bringing food and snacks?   By the time I finish up the event I find myself exhausted.  It wouldn’t seem that sitting in dark room watching movies all day would be that taxing, but mentally, and emotionally it takes a toll… hoping nothing goes wrong technically, hoping that everyone (or at least most attendees) find something enjoyable in the films, hoping that the venue owner and bar staff are not completely annoyed with the films and are making a decent amount of tips, and hoping that there is enough attendance to make it all worthwhile.  While it might be “easy” to put on a festival, putting on a quality festival takes effort. That’s effort I’m willing to put in.  I want to make it the kind of thing I would be delighted to attend.

Of the benefits that come from running a festival, the number one has to be the relationships established.  This is the reason we make films in the first place. It’s all about human connection.  As I was saying above it has become our practice to ask previous year’s submitters to become next year’s judges.  George Sukara, a producer from a film submitted in the first year (HELL! The musical), has become an instrumental part of the festival. His critical insights in judging and undying support have been phenomenal.  It was great to have him at the festival, hosting one of the Q&A sessions, and bringing with him a crew of folks from San Francisco.  One of the other connections made that first year was a gentleman by the name of Michael Joy who brought us a film (Red Christmas) with Dee Wallace of Kujo fame. I’ve been working with Michael on spreading the word about Scumdance through his connections with Artsploitation Films and Horrornews.net.  The second year brought us some great filmmakers from Canada and Indiana, in Grace Mathisen and Adam Laughlin respectively.  Their films were superb, and it was great to have them there in person. They too have gone on to become valued Scumdance judges.  This last year, brought us filmmakers from Toronto, Houston, and Los Angeles.   The Audience favorite, Llamageddon (it’s exactly as it sounds) was written and directed by a young woman who was going by the name “Howie Dewin.”  Her astonishment at winning overrode even her astonishment at being entered in the festival at all (apparently someone on her production team entered the film without telling her as a fun prank).   Even after having a breakfast coffee and a decently long discussion with her, I never did find out her real name. We’ll be stoked to have her as part of the judging staff next year, that is if she responds to her “howiedewin” email.

One of the other great benefits of running a festival (or being a judge) is the experience gained by viewing so may films, of all quality levels.  You learn all the things not to do when making a film.  You see time and again, the overused tropes, the stock and often pointless dialogue, the desire to shock without attention to narrative, and films that are far, far longer than they need to be.   After all this one quickly gains an appreciation for audible dialogue, well thought out story lines, character development, motivated camera movement, inspired score/soundtrack, and tightly edited scenes.

Another wonderful discovery has been the insight into cultures and communities throughout the world that one would not have accessed otherwise.  It has been amazing to see films submitted from the US, Canada, The Netherlands, India, the UK, Austria, Iran, Italy, Mexico, and even Belgium.  In particular the films we receive from Iran have been nothing short of mind blowing. There is something so special about those films.  They tend to be intensely creative, original, inspiring, and chock full of touching humanity in a way that almost makes me reluctant to place them amidst our other less wholesome faire. Also of note, are the LGBT films we receive.  This year we had a film dedicated to trans-persons from Nepal, that was a rare insight into portions of the world not ordinarily seen.

As previously promised, I think it’s worth mentioning the feedback process.  One common thing that I noticed from festivals I was submitting to, was a lack of quality feedback.  For way too many festivals, it doesn’t seem they could even be bothered to change the judging status on Film Freeway… or if they did, it wouldn’t be changed until well after the event date.   For other festivals, they would change the status and send out the standard generic rejection emails. While they were intended to soften to the blow of rejection, they would do little to inform or provide one with any sense as to what could have been improved on the film…. no information on what exactly about the film caused it to fall short of the mark.   It was with this experience in mind that I personally made the decision to include judge’s commentary in both the acceptance and rejection letters. I feel it’s the least we can do to provide the filmmaker with meaningful feedback.

This decision has mostly been met with appreciation, but in some cases the feedback was viewed as “arrogant, presumptuous, and dismissive.”  I can certainly understand how after spending the enormous amount of time, energy and effort that it takes to make a film how one would be incredibly protective of the work.  One exchange with an initially upset but later apologetic filmmaker, gave me clear cause to stop and think about my intentions and motivations. Was I intentionally levelling overly harsh criticism against those who submitted to my film festival, as a way of feeling superior for the failings of my own films? It’s certainly something I need to be cognizant of going forward.  In the future, I hope to continue providing the judges commentary, but will most likely do so after an explicit opt-in scenario.

In regard to my own films, I’ve come to realize with much more clarity than ever that my films were being rejected for completely valid reasons.  I’ve seen what it takes to make a good film and the number one rule is to be entertaining.   In the age of short attention spans and a bajillion choices, it’s difficult (but more important) than ever to gain and hold someone’s attention.

So what’s next for Scumdance?  One exciting possibility discussed with the San Francisco crew is the idea of taking Scumdance on the road.  Perhaps we select the best films from the past 3 years and do a screening in SF or LA.   At some point it would be nice to get Scumdance into a proper movie theater as well, a but the lack of any historical or art house theater in Reno limits our options.  Another exciting possibility is the idea of bringing in a real host… someone with real entertainment value... someone like the subject of this year’s winning documentary, the Phantom Troublemaker.

Of course, I couldn’t do this without the love and support of my wonderful wife Amelia. In all it’s been a great experience that has promoted growth in me as a filmmaker and as a person. It’s been the impetus to build meaningful relationships that I otherwise would not have done and has given me cause to provide much needed exposure to small films.  This is something I want to keep doing, while growing the festival in organic and manageable ways.

Viva Le Scumdance!

Travis Calvert

#film #film festival #indie Film #diy projects

[myaekingheart]

26. Konoha Matsuri

Just wanna say real quick that this is lowkey my absolute favorite chapter so far and I quickly posted the two previous just so I could post this one on my birthday (May 13th) ^_^

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

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               For as long as anyone could remember, Konohagakure held a festival smack dab in the middle of every May to commemorate its celebrated establishment. It was no secret that Konoha was a monumental fixture in shinobi history, the first dedicated shinobi village. After its creation, more and more areas followed suit until reaching the geographical landscape of today. Children learned about Konoha Matsuri in the Academy, where in history books it was said that Hashirama Senju created the holiday at first to commemorate the Leaf Village’s first successful year, only for it to become an annual tradition, a true display of patriotism and loyalty to one’s own home.

               It was a few days before the festival when Kakashi paced his apartment as he shuffled through his thoughts. He was grateful to have gotten off work for the day of the festival, a truly coveted achievement in the ANBU especially. His only hope was that Rei may have, as well. The inner cogs of his mind churned as he formulated his plan.

               When Rei awoke that morning, she found a bag of pastries on her doorstep and a note from Kakashi. She unfolded and skimmed it, then pressed her hand to her forehead and sighed. Kakashi would be expecting a response, and soon as this was time sensitive. Konoha Matsuri was a huge celebration that warranted preparation. She wasn’t sure what to tell him.

               As a child, she remembered being mesmerized by the all the festivities, as most children are. The colorful lights, symphony of smells, luxurious kimonos, and brilliant fireworks display were enchanting. Now that she was an adult, the novelty had worn off. This was only further enforced by the social climate she was currently trapped in. The aftermath of her mother’s birthday still loomed overhead, everpresent.

               “I think you should go” Naru said with a definitive nod. That was the only way Rei was ever going to firmly make a decision: confide in her best friend. “I know you’re nervous, but this is supposed to be fun! Try to lighten up just for one day. Oh! And besides, this gives us an excuse to do my favorite thing: shopping!”

               Rei groaned and buried her face in her hands. “My drawers are already stuffed enough, I can’t handle anymore clothes.”

               “Rei, you wear the same three outfits every week and the only reason your drawers won’t shut is because you don’t fold a damn thing” Naru replied nonchalantly. “Whether you like it or not, we are going shopping for Konoha Matsuri.” It was hard to argue with her when she was this excited. Besides, if Naru was going then that provided an extra cushion for any negative encounters she might face. Or so she thought. The blonde’s face suddenly lit up and she squealed with delight. “Oh my god I just got the best idea!”

               “Normally your ‘best ideas’ always end up being the worst” Rei replied skeptically.

               “No, no, no, I mean it! This time, it’s gold” Naru insisted. “I’ll invite Sekkachi to go with us tomorrow, and we can all try on kimonos together and have a great time! It’ll be just like the old days!” Naru was full to bursting with excitement, meanwhile her best friend flopped back on her bed and made the most ungodly noise.

               “I liked the old days better when they were just that: old and in the past” she sighed. “Does Sekkachi really have to come? I’ve had my fill of her for the rest of the year. She barged into my apartment the other day, you know.”

               “Oh, she’s not that bad!” Naru said with a dismissing wave of her hand. “Why can’t you just let bygones be bygones? We’re all adults here! We can be civil with each other, right?” The way Naru looked at her then made Rei feel vulnerable and exposed. Naru wasn’t an Uchiha but with that glare, she might as well have been.

               “Okay, fine, Sekkachi can come but I’m not happy about it!” Rei finally agreed. Naru leapt up in the air and squealed as she did a little happy dance. If only making her happy wasn’t such a pain in the ass.

               It wasn’t that Rei disliked Sekkachi. The blue-haired ninja actually had many positive qualities that Rei found admirable. It was just that Sekkachi was also rude, cynical, insane, and a total killjoy. She lacked the scruples of a compassionate person. Rei was certain the only time she had ever seen her former teammate smile—genuinely smile—was whenever she was hanging out with Might Guy of all people. She never understood the dynamics of their friendship, but somehow she supposed it worked if they had remained steadfast and true to one another this long.

               When Rei awoke the next morning, Naru was standing in the lobby by herself. For a moment, Rei felt a surge of relief thinking that perhaps Sekkachi had cancelled on them. She was also always impulsive and flaky, as far as Rei was concerned. As she descended the stairs, however, she caught sight of the ninja in question standing outside with a cigarette between her lips. Typical.

               Naru waltzed them down the street with one girl in each arm and a massive grin on her face. “Isn’t this just the best? All we’re missing is Chikara-sensei and it’ll be just like old times!” she enthused.

               Sekkachi smirked and flicked some ash onto the ground. “So where are you dragging us first?” she asked. The inclusion of first was instrumental here, because when Naru went shopping, it was an exhausting, all-day endeavor that involved at least an hour in every shop’s dressing room. At least this was one thing Rei and Sekkachi could agree on: they hated shopping.

               After a few hours of no success, Naru insisted they get something to eat since, after all, they needed to keep their energy up for the second half of their adventure. They slipped into Yakiniku Q, and Sekkachi was more than grateful for a chance to sit down.

               “So, I know you’re going with Kakashi, but what about you, Naru?” she asked, tending to her meat on the barbeque.

               “I actually have someone, too!” Naru exclaimed. “It’s Konoha Matsuri, after all, so I had no choice but to go big and hire someone!”

               Rei nearly choked on her pork. “I’m sorry, hired?” Naru nodded vigorously, a wide grin on her face. “Who the hell did you…?”

               “You’ll never guess” the blonde replied, full to bursting with laughter. Rei and Sekkachi blinked in unison. Naru then turned to the redhead, resting her chin in her palm, and said, “I guess there was at least one good thing about your mother’s birthday, and that’s that I was able to get set up with one of the boys her friends were trying to pawn off on you.”

               “Oh, no…which one?” Rei asked, dropping her head to the table.

               “Nibui!” Naru exclaimed. She couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. Sekkachi looked at her quizzically.

               “And who is this Nibui guy, exactly?” she asked.

               Rei turned her face toward her former teammate and replied, “Nibui is the nephew of this lady my mom is friends with named Suisen. Apparently he is newly single and great with finances.” Sekkachi nodded knowingly, then turned back to Naru.

               “So you having trouble filing your taxes or something? You were always were an idiot when it came to math” she said. Naru frowned and delicately took another piece of meat into her mouth.

               “I’ll have you know, Nibui is brilliant. So much so that he even works in the cryptology department” she explained. Sekkachi nearly choked on her food.

               “And how much did you pay this nerd for this?” she asked.

               “A hundred bucks an hour” the blonde replied casually. Again, Sekkachi nearly choked.

               “A hundred an hour?!” Rei repeated. “Naru, don’t you think that’s a little…I don’t know, steep?”

               “You really do need help with your finances” Sekkachi said in disbelief.

               Naru waved them off and laughed. “Don’t worry about it, I am perfectly fine with my finances! You wouldn’t believe the kinds of mission the hokage has been sending me on lately.” And that was the last that was said on that.

                It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that Naru had finally found the perfect outfit for the festival. She squealed and burst out of the dressing room showing off the color and fabric of the “perfect” kimono. Rei caught a glimpse of the price tag and winced. She doubted she would find anything within her budget here, nor did she have much luck anywhere else. Sekkachi, however, was perhaps in the worst shape of them all. Not only had she not found anything for herself (though, honestly, she wasn’t even really looking) but she had by now become incredibly fatigued and her face had grown considerably pale.

               “Alright, you found the kimono. Wonderful. Now can I go home?” she sighed, leaning against a rack of clothing.

               “But what about you guys?” Naru asked, looking them up and down. Quite frankly, she didn’t think much of their senses of style. Konoha Matsuri was a celebration and it called for spectacular clothes, which neither of these girls really owned.

               “I will go in a chicken suit if you let me leave right now” Sekkachi begged. “Just please…I need to go home. This has been too much for one day.”

               The blonde paused for a moment, then sighed. “Fine” she said, waving her off. “Go ahead.” Sekkachi looked like she was nearly about to break down in tears, she was so grateful. She rushed off as quickly as she could. Now that it was just the two of them, however, Rei knew there was no way she was going to get out of the remainder of this. Naru wasn’t going to let her go until she found the perfect outfit.

               She flipped through racks and racks of kimonos, offering up ones she thought would look good with her hair color and whatnot, but Rei shook her head to most of them, mainly due to the price tag. After a while, Naru caught on.

               “Rei, is there something bothering you?” she finally asked, extending her arm across the rack so Rei couldn’t continue searching. “Something tells me you don’t even want to do this.”

               A stout woman in the back room poked her head out and announced impatiently that they were closing in ten minutes. The pressure rose.

               “Listen, it’s not that. I’m just really nervous about this, the last thing I have on my mind is clothes, alright?” Rei explained.

               “There’s nothing for you to be nervous about! Like I said, can you just relax for, like, one day in your life?” Naru replied.

               “I relax!” Rei countered. Naru stared her down. “I just don’t know if I even want to go through with this, you know?”

               “Well, you’re going to whether you want to or not now we’ve got a total of eight minutes left to find you something to wear and buy it and we’re going to find you something, got it?” the blonde insisted. She then began frantically searching through the kimonos, pulling whatever she could find, and shoving them into Rei’s arms. She then pushed the redhead into the nearest dressing room, insisting, “Try on every single one and then pick which one you like best! If money is the problem then I’ll buy it for you, don’t worry about it!”

               Rei had to admit, Naru offering to buy her something was insanely generous. Not that she wasn’t a generous enough girl already, but the prices in this store were quite frankly obscene. This had to have been really important to Naru for her to be so determined to spend this much money.

               It took Rei all of five minutes to whip through the three kimonos Naru had pulled for her, though she admittedly did not pay much mind to the proper procedures. She eventually picked a floral turquoise brocade and that was the end of it. She zipped out of the dressing room, dragged Naru to the cash register, and checked out much to the shopkeeper’s dismay. They left with two minutes to spare.

               When the day of the festival arrived, it took all of Rei’s strength not to sit and have a panic attack for fifteen minutes. She took her time getting ready, standing under the shower head and just letting the hot water beat against her back. She even applied minimal makeup just to waste time and keep her mind occupied. She was scared that if she got ready too quickly, and was stuck waiting, she would surely lose her damn mind.

               There was a knock at the door just as she was pinning her kanzashi in place. She sighed and mentally prepared herself for what was about to happen, then opened the door to find Kakashi standing on the other side. She had never seen him quite like this before, dressed so casual and relaxed. He still wore his ninja headband covering his left eye and, of course, his mask, but his kimono and sandals were a welcome surprise.

               “Are you ready to go?” he asked, looking her up and down. She nodded, then took his offered hand. “You look beautiful” he commented as they descended the stairs.

               “Thanks. It’s new” she laughed, extending her arm out to fully display her long sleeve. “Naru forced me to get it.”

               As they stepped out into the streets, they were instantly assaulted with the chaotic splendor of festival life. For a moment, standing there beside Kakashi, the novelty of it all returned to her. The lights were mesmerizing, the food smelled to die for, and a tinge of excitement (or was it panic?) struck her chest at the thought of fireworks. She smiled up at him and he returned the favor.

               It didn’t take long for Naru to track down the happy couple, dragging a deadpan Nibui along behind her. Kakashi eyed the young man suspiciously, asking, “Have we met…?” Nibui shook his head.

               “I know you, but you don’t know me. But then again everyone knows you, Kakashi Hatake” he explained. Rei hated the fact that her first impression of him was that he greatly resembled a mole. His beaty little eyes were unsettling, and that middle part in his hair certainly was not the most flattering. But what else could she expect from a cryptologist? They all gave off an aura of sleep-deprived intellectual maniacs.

               As they passed a game of Ningyo sukui, Kakashi nudged Rei on the shoulder and with a smile and whispered, “You should go play a round. That used to be your favorite, right?”

               Rei’s cheeks went dark red as she laughed nervously. “What? Kakashi, no, that’s a kid’s game” she insisted.

               “Dammit! How many times is it going to take?!” a voice then erupted. Kakashi and Rei, as well as Naru and Nibui, looked over to find a familiar face crouched by the Ningyo sukui tub, a focused expression on his face.

               Kakashi chuckled, then turned to Rei. “Well, Guy doesn’t seem to think so.”

               Sekkachi stood over him, arms crossed, then handed the person manning the game another dollar. “Guy, I’m gonna go broke if you keep this up” she said.

               “Just one more try! I’ll get it this time, I swear” Guy insisted. The blue-haired kunoichi didn’t seem convinced.

               “Glad to see you’re feeling better, Sekkachi” Naru greeted as she approached. Sekkachi rolled her eyes.

               “I’m only here because Guy made me come” she replied. Then her eyes shifted to Nibui standing dutifully behind his date, and she couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. “Is this your man-whore?” she asked.

               “Excuse you!” Naru shouted, slapping Sekkachi with her fan. “Don’t be rude! I know that’s hard for you, but at least try, alright?”

               “And what about you?” Sekkachi asked, then turning to Rei. “And where is your date?”

               Rei blinked, then turned around to find Kakashi had disappeared. A surge of panic coursed through her, her mind jumping to the worst case scenarios. “H-he was just here a second ago!” she replied.

               A look of concern crossed Naru’s face, as well, searching the area for where he may have gone. Then, her concern changed to a sweet delight and she pointed in the direction of the sukui tank. Kakashi was handing over a dollar, then approaching with a small paper paddle and a grin.

               “Kakashi, no!” Rei whispered, hiding her face with her hand. But Kakashi persisted. He handed her the paddle and then guided her to the tank with a smile.

               “You do remember how to play, don’t you?” he asked.

               “Kakashi, this is ridiculous. I’m not doing this” she insisted. “This is a kid’s game, I’m going to get in trouble.”

               “So long as he’s getting money, I don’t think the man running the game really cares” Kakashi replied. “I would go for that rubber duck if I were you” he then added.

               Rei huffed and shook her head. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. She had never felt so hyperaware of her own age before, terrified someone was going to come along and tell her she couldn’t do that. Yet every time she turned around, Kakashi was crouching beside her grinning and silently encouraging her to go on and just do it. Dammit, I hate how convincing he is.

               It took her only a few tries before she was able to scoop the rubber duck out of the water and into her little basket. And when she did, it all came rushing back: that childhood nostalgia, the unadulterated happiness, a simple sense of victory. She laughed and turned back to Kakashi, taking pride in her success. He smiled back at her, overflowing with nothing but love for her.

               “Oh, look! A photo booth!” Naru then exclaimed, gripping Sekkachi’s arm excitedly. She looked around at their little group, then announced, “We all need to go get a picture together, all six of us!”

               “Ugh, is that really necessary?” Sekkachi groaned.

               Naru narrowed her eyes. “Yes. It is” she growled, then in a lighter tone, “I mean, how often are we all together like this? This is a once in a lifetime chance! We have to take it!”

               Before anyone could protest, Naru was dragging the whole clan toward the little shack like a chain of kindergarteners on a field trip. She paid for their picture, then situated everyone in the perfect position. Sekkachi went in the back because she was the tallest, and then Guy went next to her. Kakashi belonged on Sekkachi’s other side, but Rei should be in front of him just enough so that he can put his hand over her shoulder, and Naru would put herself on the other side of her. Nibui, despite Naru’s protesting, opted to stay out of the picture. He didn’t feel particularly included in their little group. After all, he was just a paid date. He didn’t have any emotional or historical connection to any of these people, and he never would. If he was to join in, they would all look back on this night struggling to remember who he was.

               “Alright, fine, you’ve gotten out of it this time but I’m getting another one of just the two of us!” Naru shouted right before the photographer snapped the picture. There was a bright flash of light, and then it was over. He smiled as he watched the final product develop.

               “That sure is a keeper alright” he commented, then turned to the group and asked, “Alright, who gets to take this photo home?”

               As the sky darkened overhead and the festivities began to wind down, the little group made their way to the roof of a nearby building to watch the fireworks. Rei held her little rubber duck in her hands as she cuddled close against Kakashi, resting her head on his shoulder.

               “Don’t fall asleep on me yet” he laughed. “Or else you’ll miss the fireworks.”

               “I know!” Rei replied. “I’m not falling asleep. I’m just happy.” And she truly was. She looked around at their motley little crew and her heart swelled. True, Sekkachi was as unpleasant as ever, Guy was a little too pumped up, and she couldn’t care less about Nibui, but all in all this was the absolute perfect night. She almost felt as if she was going to cry at the thought of how it would all be over soon. The fireworks would flare, they would watch in awe, and then once they were over, the night would end. The street vendors would close up shop. The festival games would be gone by morning. Sleepy children would be carted home on their parents’ backs. And when she awoke the following day, reality would seep back in.

               And speaking of reality, a part of her was truly shocked she had not run into anyone she knew or overheard any snide remarks. Little did she know, Kakashi was determined to give her the best night possible. He had met up with the others previously, insisting that they help him shield Rei from anything that might ruin her night. They put their ninja skills to good use, expertly steering her away from bad situations and distracting her with rubber ducks and photo ops. Every positive memory she would have of this night was the result of her friends fighting to keep away the bad ones. Had she known this, she may have perhaps considered this night even more special.

               Explosions of color and light danced overhead, bursting so close that Rei could feel the vibrations in her chest. She gripped Kakashi’s hand in hers and sighed happily, fighting back tears. She hadn’t realized how badly she needed this until now. And as she sat there atop the roof surrounded by all the people she cared for the most, she realized just how important each and every one of them was to her, regardless of whether they were overbearing or snarky or what have you. Her parents may have rejected and renounced her, but that didn’t mean anything. A family is not determined by blood or by clan affiliation, but by those who care about you the most and in those halcyon moments, Rei realized that she was surrounded by her true family and that was all she could have ever asked for.

#kakashi hatake #rei natsuki #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

[staircasttext]

Ep 10 Transcript: Fireheart Learns to Code

Episode 10

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi, everybody. Welcome back again to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we're back again this week reading Fire and Ice, chapter eight through 10, if I am remembering correctly.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: But before we get into the chapters, we have some updates on the Barnes and Noble saga that I want to share, because they're all incredible. So a lot of these are just like additional comments to the Tumblr post that we read last week. I guess we can just go in the order through like how you sent them, Julian, because that's how I pulled them up.

JULIAN: Sure. I can read the first one.

PAZ: Sure, go ahead.

JULIAN: All right. Tumblr user melthedestroyer says, "I used to work at Barnes and Noble. And I need you all to know, when you pulled up a book in the internal system, it gives you a couple of top reviews from bn.com on the page. Imagine now my coworker Sal, a 60 year old Italian man with a flip phone, pulling up one of these one day. It was an interesting shift for Sal and I." Imagine having to introduce your coworker to the concept of roleplay, Warrior Cats roleplay.

PAZ: Yeah, not any roleplay. I love that.

JULIAN: I mean, I'm sure if he worked at Barnes and Noble he was familiar with the Warrior Cats phenomenon.

PAZ: Yeah, better be. Yeah, I'll read the next one. This is by Tumblr user diatribe. "I was part of a different circle of this for three-ish years in the early 2010s. Most of us had super controlling parents and weren't allowed internet access. The BN book reviews were broken af, completely unmoderated. Multiple books often shared the same reviews. And you didn't even have to own the book to write a review."

LIZ: Lawless.

PAZ: "It started with people just shouting out in these popular books, wondering if anyone else could see them. And then when people could reply, it spiraled. Also, we used BN's e-reader, so it just looked like we were reading." So Julian, you were like 100% correct.

LIZ: That's amazing.

JULIAN: Yeah, I was talking about this with Han after the podcast. And they also mentioned that Barnes and Noble's website probably also wouldn't be blocked on a school computer. So people might have been doing it from school computer labs. But a lot of the comments mentioned like doing it specifically on the Nook. So it looked like you were reading which is, oh, I'm really glad that these kids had somewhere to roleplay Warrior Cats that their parents could not control.

PAZ: Right? And just like, instant message, because we saw some of those as well. The creativity of children when they want to RP cats with their friends is endless. And I have nothing but respect.

JULIAN: Yeah, another update was someone saying that there was also a big Warrior Cats roleplay community on Khan Academy, which again, tracks.

LIZ: That is just incredible to me. That's like saying yeah, I used to RP on like Wolfram Alpha, or whatever that math site is.

JULIAN: Does Wolfram Alpha have a comment section because if so there might be Warrior Cats RP there.

LIZ: Wolfram Alpha forums. Let me check. Yes.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: Oh yes.

PAZ: Search Warriors.

JULIAN: Community.wolfram.com/groups.

LIZ: Wait, search Warriors, please.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

LIZ: Cats, anything.

JULIAN: Oh, no, I'm not seeing anything, unfortunately.

PAZ: Oh no. Maybe it's too moderated.

JULIAN: It might be too moderated. It seems like it's pretty moderated.

PAZ: Tragic.

JULIAN: It's also like a whole company.

LIZ: Well, the framework is there. You could get past that. Listen, we saw some territorial disputes in the Barnes and Noble comments section.

JULIAN: We really did.

LIZ: So if anyone needs to branch out, I bet-- you know, there has to be someone who can hack a little bit.

PAZ: Yeah, Wolfram Alpha? Yeah.

LIZ: To get around this.

PAZ: Who wants to read the other final update that kind of dove into the questions we had about like, moderation and stuff?

LIZ: Is this the very long one that's like a screenshot?

JULIAN: Yeah, it's the one I had to screenshot because it was a reply, so I couldn't link to it.

LIZ: Okay, I can do the first one because it is pretty long. Okay, "here's a breakdown for you guys. You'll find people RPing in classic books because they're multi rez, which means multiple books link to the same review section. You can only post one review per book and posting in it erases your original review. So multi rez books are obvs desirable if you wanted to RP more than one character. Or if you wanted to leave a post up for someone who wasn't online at the moment."

JULIAN: "If you posted a bad word, you'd get locked out and wouldn't be able to post in that particular book anymore, which also made multi rez books desirable. You can get around this by putting open angle bracket underscore close angle bracket after the first two letters of a swear word, and then posting it would make it look like you hadn't censored it at all. Warrior Cats books were the most popular, but I remember Percy Jackson RPers hung around in like the Athenian constitution books."

PAZ: Yeah, so I remember we'd noted that like you could see the review counts of people and it would just say like one. And I think the explanation for that phenomena is here.

LIZ: Incredible.

PAZ: Because apparently it'd just delete if you reviewed more than once.

JULIAN: Yeah, so that makes sense, though, because it's like, if people are basically waiting for someone else to be online and then kind of RPing back and forth, but each of their new posts erases the old post, we only see the last one.

PAZ: Yeah, it's really tragic that there's no archive, though, because of that.

JULIAN: It's all gone. And the odds of it being on like Wayback Machine are very low if it replaced that quickly, unfortunately.

PAZ: It's truly the epitome of like, touches ground, something happened here.

LIZ: God, I hope someone has at least like saved or archived or screenshotted somewhere like just a moment of this. Like a slice in time to put in a museum in 3021.

PAZ: Yeah, I hope somebody was like copy-pasting into a Word doc somewhere.

JULIAN: Right? Ugh.

LIZ: I mean, how else are you gonna remember what's happening if you're RPing?

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: I mean, you depend on the encyclopedic memory of an eight year old for like trivia.

LIZ: That's true.

JULIAN: They don't have to remember how taxes work so they can remember every detail of what Umbrellastar from BloodClan told them.

PAZ: I wish that was me.

LIZ: God, if only.

JULIAN: Same.

PAZ: But yeah, I guess that's the updates we found. The fact that it was somewhat moderated is extremely funny, but like not moderated enough that they're like we're gonna not allow this RP to happen.

LIZ: You just can't say fuck.

JULIAN: Like we can't stop you from RPing on this forum but you can't get horny about it.

LIZ: For some reason, we can't stop you.

PAZ: I so badly want to find someone to talk to who was in charge of the Barnes and Nobles website in some capacity and be like, what happened here?

JULIAN: I want the email chain where someone was like, Hey, my boss. You got to know about this. What do we do about this?

LIZ: CEO voice, you know, it's interaction. It's engagement.

PAZ: Yeah. They're probably like--

LIZ: We need to get those Hamlet numbers up. The kids do not care about Hamlet. This is as close as we're gonna get. If Shadowfur wants to RP with an assassin cat or get into a territorial dispute with the Percy Jackson RPers, we let them.

PAZ: Yeah, we need those clicks. That's all that matters.

JULIAN: Honestly, I wonder if they were so laissez faire about it because Barnes and Noble really, really wanted people to like use their Nooks. There was like a big push for them to like-- they were pushing Nooks versus Amazon's Kindle really hard. And so if they were like, well, at least people are using the review section with their Nook devices.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're a kid who wanted really badly to RP with their friends and you could convince your very strict parents to buy you a Nook, it works out in Barnes and Noble's favor, so.

JULIAN: I mean, honestly, I wonder if it was just like, you know, I borrowed my mom's Nook because she never used it. And I didn't know about-- I was also too old for RP at that point and was just bulk downloading fanfiction to the Nook. But like if I had been slightly more sheltered and a little bit younger at the time, I definitely would have been-- I would have done this.

PAZ: Did you guys do that thing where you would print out fanfic?

LIZ: Yes. Mm-hmm.

PAZ: And then either read it in bed or take it to school?

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I did not print out fanfic because I was mortified that my family would find out about it. So instead, I copied and pasted it from a particular Doctor Who fanfic archive into Word documents. I had like one Word document that was like one genre and then another Word document that was like a different ship, and they all had like little secretive acronyms so that...

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: This is so intricate.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It was so much. Because this is before Ao3.

PAZ: I don't think I was smart enough as a child to do that. I would just like to try and throw out all the fanfic I'd printed out before people saw it. Because I would read it in bed because I didn't have a phone I could read it on.

JULIAN: Oh yeah.

PAZ: If I wanted to get cozy in bed and read my, I don't know, Kingdom Hearts fanfic, I had to print it out.

JULIAN: When I finally did get a phone my senior year of high school, I spent pretty much that entire summer reading fic. And so my mom was like, oh, what are you doing? And I was like, Oh, I'm-- someone had posted about this on Tumblr and I stole it. I was like, Oh, I'm reading unpublished stories by authors online.

PAZ: God.

LIZ: Not untrue. You're just supporting new writers.

JULIAN: It's accurate.

PAZ: It's what people on Twitter want to think, so.

JULIAN: It's literature. It's literature, Mom.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Yep, classic. You know, getting fan content, it was bad. It was hard back in the day.

LIZ: It was hard.

JULIAN: We didn't have tags. You had to just pick a pairing and hope that the fic was good.

PAZ: Right? Oh my god. Yeah, it was all summary based, like good fucking luck.

LIZ: It did have genres. Like fanfiction.net did have genres. It was like romance.

PAZ: I vaguely remember that.

LIZ: Comedy, poetry, suspense.

PAZ: God. What was the fanfic that I would... what was the fandoms that I was in reading fanfic on fanfic.net? I know it was Kingdom Hearts. I think Ranma 1/2, probably Naruto fanfiction.

JULIAN: Yeah, it was just Sherlock and Doctor Who. I'm so sorry to tell y'all this.

PAZ: That seems kind of... Sherlock seems kind of late for fanfic.net though. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

JULIAN: It was... I like started out fanfic.net. It was like right when Ao3 was becoming a thing. But the wait for Ao3 was like six months at that point.

PAZ: Oh right.

LIZ: I used to read Sherlock fic on Livejournal.

PAZ: Also definitely read Invader Zim fic on fanfic.net.

JULIAN: My Invader Zim phase was before I realized that like fanfic was a thing that existed outside of me writing fanfic in my journal. So unfortunately, I did not stumble across that.

PAZ: Maybe, maybe, fortunately.

JULIAN: Maybe good. I also probably would have been reading a lot of iCarly fanfic.

PAZ: It wasn't like ship fic though. I don't think I understood the concept of that at the time. It was just like-- I read a lot of like OC self insert fic when I was much younger. I don't know.

LIZ: You just loved the character building.

PAZ: I did, I loved the worlds.

LIZ: Yeah, well, what an intricate like beautiful universe you've created.

PAZ: I think I remember a fic like that was like a crossover with Alien.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

LIZ: Like Alien-alien?

PAZ: Yeah, the movie Alien with like the xenomorph.

JULIAN: I love that. That's wonderful.

PAZ: It was powerful.

JULIAN: Oh all right, sorry, Chickpea is screaming. Let me see if I can feed her and then she'll stop.

PAZ: Okay.

LIZ: I'm just thinking about that fucking like Sherlock Livejournal community that we looked at with the graveyard with all the broken Photobucket links.

PAZ: I'm kind of... I don't know why I never got into Sherlock fandom like seriously, but I'm happy I didn't.

LIZ: Bullet dodged. It was something. We should look for Warriors Livejournal stuff. I bet there's some good graphics if...

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: If it ever made it there.

PAZ: No, I'm sure there were Warriors Livejournals. But Livejournal was after my Warriors period so I wouldn't know from personal experience. Definitely read a lot of Doctor Who fanfic on Livejournal though.

LIZ: I actually didn't. I was big into it.

JULIAN: Alright, hello.

LIZ: I just stuck around for icons and stuff. Hi.

PAZ: Hi, welcome back. We were saying there's probably like Warriors communities on Livejournal, like old ones somewhere.

JULIAN: Oh my god, I bet there are.

PAZ: Yeah, we should look into that in the future.

JULIAN: Yeah, we should do a hunt there.

PAZ: There's so much content out there. Even on Barnes and Nobles.com.

LIZ: I don't think people are RPing in like Goodreads reviews for Warrior books. But wouldn't that be something? You can reply on those things.

PAZ: Are you sure people aren't doing that?

LIZ: I don't know. Maybe.

PAZ: Now that you've said that, that seems like an obvious situation to do it.

LIZ: Put it on the docket. We've got so much research. God.

PAZ: We're going to become scholars of Warrior Cats RP communities.

JULIAN: Great news. Uh.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: There are... Goodreads: Group. Show Tag RP.

LIZ: [gasp]

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Fuck yeah.

JULIAN: We have 1825 roleplay groups on Goodreads.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Oh my god. Is this just Warriors, or like everything?

JULIAN: Oh, this is everything.

LIZ: Oh, okay. I was like damn, Warriors. Can you give us a little tasting board of this?

JULIAN: No, don't make me login. So let's see. Just a little something. We have Percy Jackson and HOO– I guess that's something about Olympians– roleplay group. Have you waited for your satyr all your life but it never came? Well, welcome to CHP, where all demigods are accepted. You can create your own character and talk to other half bloods. We are here to have fun, sing songs on the fireplace, play Capture the Flag, volleyball, and of course go on lots of quests.

LIZ: This sounds fun.

JULIAN: Yeah. I haven't seen any-- oh, here we go. Warrior Cats: A New Fall. Yep, we've got three separate Warrior Cats RPs on the first. So we'll have to dig into this a little bit.

LIZ: Thank god.

PAZ: This is so exciting.

JULIAN: A lot of this is like... a lot of boarding school RP. Like people have made up-- this roleplay is tagged as semi-advanced. What does that mean?

PAZ: I guess your reading level has to be... I don't know.

LIZ: Middle school and above.

PAZ: Eight plus.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm so glad people are just out here on the Goodreads forums RPing.

LIZ: Good. Fuck it up.

PAZ: This is a better use of Goodreads.

JULIAN: Yeah, it is. I hope Amazon has to read all of these.

LIZ: Yeah, get wreckt.

JULIAN: It'd be good for them.

LIZ: Humble them a little. We should look into those. I bet there's some new innovations going on if it's still active.

JULIAN: Oh yeah, no, these are sorted by the latest activity. So the three ones I found, last activity six hours 25 minutes ago.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, so we can really dig in here.

LIZ: We need to check out that semi advanced style. I wanna know what that means.

JULIAN: I can't tell, but they have their own gifs. Like there's some really nice graphics.

PAZ: Wow, you can post gifs on Goodreads?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It's like a fully fledged forum here.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Yeah I think you can post like reviews and then that you have like, here's my Marvel GIF about reacting to... I don't know. Twitches.

JULIAN: I think there's like... because there's like a Groups function.

PAZ: Oh my gosh. Yeah, this is just a forum.

JULIAN: That I think is intended to be like for book clubs. But is, in this case for--

PAZ: This is a book club. What are you talking about?

LIZ: Oh, yeah, these things. I joined one for exactly one reason. It was to ask what book this was because I didn't remember the name, title, or character, or author, or anything. And they were mean about it.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: They were like, everyone has asked what this book is. Did you not read the FAQ?

PAZ: Oh, no.

LIZ: And I did. So anyway, Goodreads is bad, but I'm glad people are using it to RP.

PAZ: Good on this random boarding school roleplay for saying no racist, homophobic, discriminatory, etc. comments.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: The Warrior Cats: A New Fall RP's number one rule is "no bullying. We make exceptions for in the roleplay."

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: Gosh, perfect. Well, this is an exciting possibility world before us that we will have to revisit in the future. But I guess now that we're done with that update, we should go into our chapters.

LIZ: Beautiful.

PAZ: So this week, we read three chapters, chapters eight through 10. And I'll just dive right into the summaries. So chapter eight continues from the scene of the RiverClan warrior Whiteclaw's death. Leopardfur, the RiverClan deputy, warns ThunderClan that this has now gone beyond a border dispute and leaves. The WindClan cats leave as well, thanking ThunderClan again. And Sandpaw is freaked out from her near death, and Graystripe is shaken and disturbed from accidentally causing another cat's death.

Once they are back at camp, an angry Tigerclaw takes Fireheart and Graystripe back to Bluestar and informs them both of WindClan's rescue and the RiverClan death Tigerclaw believes seeing ThunderClan with WindClan cats will push RiverClan and ShadowClan together. Bluestar, while disappointed, is not as angry. She decides Graystripe and Fireheart should take apprentices to train to prepare for future hostilities.

Later that night there is a naming ceremony for the apprentices. Fireheart takes Cinderpaw, an energetic cat, as his apprentice, and Graystripe takes Brackenpaw, who is more serious, as his apprentice. The chapter ends with Fireheart thinking about how he wants to be a good warrior and mentor and that it feels like Tigerclaw is waiting for him to fail.

In chapter nine, Fireheart takes Cinderpaw out into the forest for her first day as an apprentice. Graystripe declines to join them and is still depressed. Fireheart and Cinderpaw travel various places, with Cinderpaw bounding ahead and not listening to Fireheart closely. Fireheart teaches her some things about scents, hunting, and owls. Cinderpaw then runs ahead towards Snakerocks before Fireheart can warn her, but comes back once he makes the danger clear. They then visit the Thunderpath and eventually go near the Twolegplace, where they spot a pregnant kittypet. Fireheart gets an inexplicable feeling that this cat isn't a threat and gives away their position so she runs away. Back at camp, he dreams about when he was a kitten and realizes the kittypet he saw was his sister.

In chapter 10, Firepaw gets an intense longing to see his sister after seeing the familial familiarity amongst the clan cats. He asks Graystripe to take Cinderpaw for the day and heads back to the Twolegplace. He waits until the sister comes into the garden to reveal himself. She is frightened at first, but once he remembers her name, which is Princess, and remembers who he is, she calms down. When she asks why he came to see her, Fireheart simply says, because you are my sister. He asks about their other family, who all still live in the neighborhood. They talk for a while and Fireheart tells her about the clans. Princess eventually has to go inside and Fireheart returns to the ThunderClan camp after hunting.

Back at camp, Tigerclaw confronts him about leaving Cinderpaw with Graystripe. Fireheart apologizes and says he will focus on her training. Graystripe still seems disturbed about the RiverClan encounter. The chapter ends with Fireheart watching Cinderpaw and her brother, and thinking about how he has felt lonely within the clan, as none of his family is there. And that's the end of our reading this week.

JULIAN: My first note for chapter eight is Graystripe killed a man.

PAZ: Yeah. RIP Whiteclaw, our beloved friend. Yeah, Graystripe, you did kind of kill a guy. This was like, the first time I'm like, damn, I just agree with Tigerclaw because it really is like Fireheart's fault completely. There was no reason to go into RiverClan territory. And he is also partly responsible for a death.

JULIAN: Also Fireheart being like, Oh, it was a special mission, just like Highstones. So it's okay for us to-- like, no, it's not. You knew it wasn't.

PAZ: Yeah, you had to convince everyone to do it. Because everyone was like, I don't think that's a great idea. I feel bad for those poor WindClan cats who just... they just had a horrible two months, and now this bullshit.

JULIAN: Well, and like Tigerclaw is, for once, worst person you know just made a great point.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: He's like, yeah, this is gonna solidify RiverClan and ShadowClan's alliance. And he's right, it will.

PAZ: Yeah. This is the worst thing that has come out of Fireheart's lack of brains by far. And he seems like he doesn't have any lingering guilt about it.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Yeah, Graystripe is like, tore up about this. And Fireheart is just like, Why doesn't he want to eat with me?

LIZ: Isn't there that part in like, that part where he's like, aw Graystripe doesn't want to hang out. Oh, well.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, I think I think Graystripe's having the appropriate emotional reaction. But I don't know why he's the only one having that reaction.

JULIAN: Yeah, I am still unclear on like, when it's okay to kill another cat. Um.

PAZ: Yeah, it's very, extremely unclear. Because I really feel like people die all the time. But then it's like, we're sad when people die. Also, sometimes maybe it's dishonorable? Question mark?

LIZ: They say like that it's just a border dispute, which is why like, the murder was, I guess, like, too much, but it seems like all of their disputes are border disputes.

JULIAN: Like what else do they dispute about?

LIZ: Yeah, what?

PAZ: I don't know. Maybe there are periods of active warfare. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah, like maybe it's okay to kill another cat like, if they're in your camp or something.

PAZ: Yeah. Or like they stole your children.

JULIAN: Yeah, I remember-- in Warrior Cats roleplay, we would like schedule battles. And I'm trying to remember whether that is based on the books or just useful for RP scheduling purposes.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't really remember from later books. So I can't really say. But I do like how this whole situation sets up like Sandpaw's changing thoughts on Fireheart. Like, her appearances in the rest of these chapters is her being like, very, like, shaken that she almost died and also like, seeming to be thinking thoughts about Fireheart, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's very like... you can tell that she's sort of thinking about like, Oh, you know, damn, kittypet did save me.

PAZ: Have I been wrong? Who knows. I do still feel-- damn. Dustpaw and Sandpaw have it bad, though. They're still apprentices and fucking Fireheart and Graystripe are getting their apprentices. Can you imagine sharing the apprentice den with these little tiny babies?

JULIAN: With these babies that are like, technically still too young.

PAZ: I hope they become warriors soon. They don't deserve this.

LIZ: I don't know. You'd think that since Fireheart and Dust-- nope, Graystripe are getting apprentices so early, that Bluestar would also make the other apprentices warriors by now too, just like, gotta keep moving.

PAZ: Right? She's like, we need more warriors. I'm just gonna make these babies apprentices and not promote these older cats for some reason.

LIZ: Who have seen battle.

JULIAN: Right? They're also like, at this point, they're like super seniors.

PAZ: Yeah, I assume they're at least a couple months older than like, Graystripe and Fireheart.

JULIAN: Just like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna keep taking classes.

PAZ: This is so sad.

JULIAN: I was really happy to see that there was some sort of like criteria to become a mentor, because Bluestar says that Runningwind would make a bad one. So at least they are thinking about it a little bit.

PAZ: I think her judgment is off because she decided Tigerclaw would make a good mentor, but I guess, at least there are considerations. Yeah, the other thing from the beginning of this chapter is I know we said we'd keep a Fireheart/Onewhisker alert out. Yes, here it is. "Fireheart meowed a quiet farewell to Onewhisker as he passed. Onewhisker glanced briefly at him and walked on."

JULIAN: Damn.

PAZ: It's there. It's real.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

LIZ: This is all those posts about tender yearning, you know.

PAZ: Exactly.

LIZ: It's about glances... and they don't have hands, so paws.

PAZ: The nose touches. The tail touches at their annual ball dance.

JULIAN: The jellicle ball.

PAZ: But yes.

JULIAN: God-- oh sorry. One more Bluestar thing. Um, she does tell Fireheart to pass on everything that she taught him. And I just have a note that's like, you didn't teach him shit.

PAZ: Right? There was something-- like there was like a part in like, a later scene with Fireheart and Cinderpaw that implied she did more than one thing with him. Because it said something about like, Bluestar teaching him about owls. But I'm like, when in the world did this happen? This did not happen. They had one fight.

LIZ: Is it just like... is it like a retcon to imply that like more time passed than we saw?

PAZ: Yeah, maybe?

LIZ: Or I guess so. It just would have been nice to see like, if not just one, maybe two or three, and then you can just say it kept happening. I don't know.

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: It really felt like it was only one. But yeah, but speaking of time passing and timelines, I was trying to figure out the timeline for like, how long they were actually warriors before getting apprentices. I think it was like three days, because--

LIZ: Oh my God.

PAZ: Because, right? So they became like, apprentices after-- they became warriors after their vigil. And I think it was the day after that that Bluestar's like okay, you gotta go find-- I don't know. When was the Gathering?

JULIAN: Let's see. Pull up my ebook.

PAZ: I forgot there was a Gathering in between. Maybe it's like five days.

LIZ: Well, how long did the WindClan retrieval take?

JULIAN: I feel like three days, I think?

PAZ: That was like two days.

JULIAN: Two or three?

PAZ: They slept two nights. They slept a night before finding WindClan and then they slept a night on the way back with WindClan. So yeah, I guess it was like three days.

JULIAN: Yeah, they sleep a night on the way back, and then they come back, go through RiverClan, go back to ThunderClan. And then that night they get apprentices. I think the Erins are really relying on the fact that children have no idea what timelines are.

PAZ: Okay, so, checking back to the beginning, it appears there was the day after they became warriors. And then the following day was the Gathering. So that's like two days. And I think it was the day after the Gathering that Bluestar is like, Okay, you got to go on this journey. So that's like another day. And then there's the day of the journey. They sleep. Day of finding WindClan, coming back. They sleep. Then they're back. So that's six days, I think.

JULIAN: What are we at? A week?

PAZ: I totally was not counting. Yeah, like a week, about.

JULIAN: Oh, you know.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: They are cats. A week is a long time if you're a cat and have no real sense of short term memory.

PAZ: I guess.

LIZ: What's a week for a cat?

PAZ: But I mean, cats don't live like-- cats can live until they're like, 20. They don't... I mean, not outdoor cats, I guess. But it's not like they only live to be like five years old. I feel like it should be at least a month.

LIZ: What's a week to a cat? Like, a month?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: Two weeks? Three weeks.

JULIAN: I'm googling cat sense of time. But I don't know. That might be a rabbit hole we can't fall down.

PAZ: I feel like cats don't... Cats wouldn't have a concept of days, though. Because they just sleep whenever.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: I mean, not these cats.

JULIAN: I mean, pet cats have a really good sense of time because like, they do get onto a...

PAZ: Yeah, they know when they get food.

JULIAN: Right. They get on to a rhythm. And if their rhythm gets disrupted, they get very upset.

LIZ: Yeah, they have to have their breakfast at 5am.

PAZ: And they have to run around the house at 3am. Very strict schedule. Well, anyway, yeah. Timeline is weird, but they get their apprentices. I couldn't remember any cat named Bracken-something. I feel like maybe there was like a Brackentail. But I'm like, I don't know. I don't know if this guy's gonna make it.

LIZ: Maybe he's destined to just be like--

PAZ: Pouring one out.

LIZ: -- inoffensive side character.

PAZ: Yeah, that might be the case.

LIZ: That's the life you want. You don't want to be like a fucking Firepaw. Look at that shit he's going through.

PAZ: I didn't look it up because I'm like, I'll just see.

JULIAN: I did look it up and spoiled myself, but I will not spoil y'all.

PAZ: I know what happens to the other two apprentices so far in this book, which is why I'm like who the fuck are you, Brackenpaw? I don't know him.

JULIAN: I mean, in his defense. Well, not in his defense. He hasn't really established much of a personality yet.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: You know, sometimes you're the quiet sibling, and your sister is real boisterous.

PAZ: Yeah, is their other sibling Swiftpaw? Or like, am I getting confused?

JULIAN: I thought it was just Brackenpaw and Cinderpaw. I didn't think there were...

PAZ: Was Swiftpaw a different litter? Maybe. Because that was the one who got promoted to apprentice at the beginning of this book.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Or wait, at the end of last book? I don't know. Recently.

JULIAN: Um, yeah, no, Swiftpaw is a different...

PAZ: Okay. That makes sense. Cause he's older.

JULIAN: Yeah. Different litter. The stuff with Cinderpaw is very cute.

PAZ: It's so cute.

LIZ: It is.

PAZ: But I'm also like, Oh, God, don't go to Snake Hell please. Listen to the adult.

LIZ: She got so close to Snake Hell like immediately.

PAZ: Cinderpaw needs to be on like a child leash.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

JULIAN: I am a little bit like, watching Fireheart mentor her is very much like when you have a teen babysitter take like a bunch of children to a pool. Or like to the zoo. It was just like, Oh, this was a mistake. You all need an adult.

LIZ: Bluestar, why did you do this?

PAZ: Right? Once again, worst person you know makes a good point. I think Tigerclaw was right when he was like, they're too young to have apprentices.

JULIAN: Fireheart like fully does not know what he's doing. He's just like, uh, I'm gonna take you around. We're gonna go to the Thunderpath. That sounds like fun.

PAZ: Yeah, no one gave him the like, teacher's manual.

LIZ: No, he's not certified. He's a teen boy.

JULIAN: Fireheart, your union contract.

PAZ: This is really just like in high school when you have a, like, junior college student come in and be like the assistant teacher for their like college credit courses. And it's, like, so obvious to you as a senior. It's like, Oh, wait, we're actually pretty close in age. What are you doing here?

LIZ: Don't worry. Cinderpaw [inaudible]

JULIAN: I fully respect Graystripe wanting to be alone and not be near Fireheart right now because Fireheart does not seem to understand that he did anything wrong. I also think that he should have stuck with Fireheart because two adults and two children is much more manageable than one adult and one child. Especially when one of the children is like... like if you have a rambunctious child and like a very calm child, that's much better than one rambunctious child.

LIZ: Graystripe even says so, right?

PAZ: Mm-hmm. But Graystripe is having a crisis so I'll excuse him.

JULIAN: God. And then Fireheart is like, well, I'm just gonna ditch my apprentice with you for a day. Is that chill?

LIZ: Yeah, like the second day.

PAZ: Ah, God. I gotta say though, all the internal thoughts about family Fireheart has in these set of chapters is very good.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: There's just so much more internal life than in the first book. It's like, it's very noticeable.

LIZ: Yeah. He's really going through like-- he has not become dad, but he thinks he is. Like, he's looking at Cinderpaw like, Oh, God. Oh, God, what do I do? Oh, god, no, no, she's going to Snake Hell. Wait, come back. Oh, my God, children. So he's also like, just a young guy. But it's very funny.

PAZ: Yeah. And his like, anger and worry about being a former kittypet continues to be like, a thread running through this. Which is... I don't know, it's just good to see that they're keeping that like personality trait consistent in this book.

JULIAN: Yeah. And like the tension between like, found family versus birth family is like, nice to see explored here.

PAZ: Yeah. And like how he feels like he's-- even though he really likes his found family, how he still feels alienated because, I mean, like, they still see him differently.

JULIAN: Yeah. And like, even through that, you know, there's a bit where he's like, yeah, you know, I do wonder if I would have closeness with my birth family. But also I know that like, you know, the closeness that Princess has with her siblings who she sees occasionally is not the same as like, the closeness that the cats in the clan have.

PAZ: Yeah, he like, thinks some thoughts about like, you know, would my life have been different? Like, what am I missing?

LIZ: And he still does feel like, like that level of remove, and he's like, lonely. Like, damn, I wish I had someone who knew exactly like where I was coming from and had the same experiences.

JULIAN: Yeah, that moment where they both-- like he and Princess talk about like, the bedding that their mom had when they were kits is really sweet and like, poignant.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Because he doesn't have anyone in the clan who remembers how he grew up.

PAZ: And like, what they think of his childhood is just like, really mean to kittpets because they're all xenophobic. So he can't even really talk about it I think is one of the points. Like he can't tell anyone like he saw his sister or anything. And it stresses him out and it's just, yeah.

JULIAN: Also the bit where he doesn't remember her name is awful.

LIZ: Oh, yeah, that was bad.

PAZ: Aw, I know.

JULIAN: Like, initially, he can't remember it and he's like, Oh, I'm Rusty. And then like, finally does remember it but like, it takes him a bit and that's just like, ah. Aw, buddy.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: I hope he finds, you know, something where he feels like he can be his whole self. I also got to say, Rusty, do you think your balls really would have been stolen? Because apparently nobody spays or neuters their cats here. Because your sister's just pregnant. She obviously didn't go get the-- what the fuck.

JULIAN: The snip?

PAZ: The cut. Think he might have had balls still.

JULIAN: Like she's pregnant, which clearly means that like A, she didn't get neutered and also, like, whatever cat is the father didn't get neutered either.

PAZ: What is up with this neighborhood?

LIZ: Did you catch the part where-- I mean, like, she says that all the siblings are still kind of nearby too. So do like-- I just want to know if a cat gets pregnant in this neighborhood, do they just distribute the kittens to neighbors, or do they just keep all of them? Cause I know that happens but that can't be regular.

PAZ: When our cat Maria kept having kittens before we could get her to the vet, we would just post free kittens sign. People would come and check out the kittens. I don't know. But it wasn't just like our immediate neighbors.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, not at all.

JULIAN: The HOA where it's like, to live in this neighborhood, you must accept every fucking six months or whatever.

PAZ: Oh god. Yeah okay, so let's go through our list of kittypets so far. Princess, wasn't fixed. Their mom, Nutmeg, obviously wasn't fixed. Jake, still had his balls because he fathered children at some point. I guess Henry is the only one we got confirmed to...

JULIAN: Smudge. Smudge got neutered.

PAZ: Oh, yes. Smudge got neutered. Okay. I don't know.

LIZ: So two out of like, what? Six, seven? Probably more.

PAZ: Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what's going on here.

LIZ: They're really just lax about it over in England, huh.

JULIAN: I mean, is it England or is it just this book?

LIZ: Is it just this one neighborhood in England? Like oh yeah, that's cat city.

JULIAN: That's cat hell.

PAZ: Maybe it's some sort of weird hippie community.

JULIAN: You know what, maybe that's why all the Twolegs they run into are so awful to the cats because it's like you know...

PAZ: Oh, it's just overrun.

JULIAN: The neighbors are really nice, but like anyone who comes and visits this park is like, oh fuck. It's the fucking cats again. It's all the horrible cats.

LIZ: It's like that one island they always talk about on clickbait articles that's like, oh yeah, this is the city of cats. And they're just everywhere.

PAZ: Oh, the one in Japan? Or near Japan.

LIZ: God, yeah.

JULIAN: I want to read a Warriors book set with the feral cat colonies that live in the Colosseum. That's all I want.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Oh fuck yeah. They'd all be Italian. Cat mafia.

LIZ: The Meowdessy.

JULIAN: You already have a clan structure.

LIZ: The Kittyad.

PAZ: On the day of my daughter's naming ceremony. But to go back to that point about Fireheart's character exploration in this segment, like the second to last sentence in these sort of chapters was just really nice. It was just a good sentence. It was, "He had found the closeness he had missed, but it had given shape to a sense of loneliness that until now had lain vague and nameless in his heart."

JULIAN: Aw buddy.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: That was a good little sentence and evocative of a feeling. And just wanna give him a little hug.

LIZ: He's just a little guy.

JULIAN: He's just a little guy.

PAZ: He's a little guy, but also now a responsible teacher.

JULIAN: He's a little guy and he's also a father.

PAZ: And an accessory to murder.

JULIAN: I mean, manslaughter. Graystripe didn't mean to kill him. It wasn't premeditated.

PAZ: Yeah, sorry, Graystripe.

LIZ: Has Firepaw killed anyone yet? Fireheart, sorry.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: I don't think so.

PAZ: He wanted to kill that one ShadowClan cat but then I think Whitestorm was like, no, we do not kill, apparently.

LIZ: The emphasis on it, and I mean, the emphasis on Whiteclaw dying and like the almost murder from the last ep, I wonder if it's gonna come to a head at like the finale of this book.

PAZ: Yeah, maybe. I just... I know in later books cats die so much, but murder seems to be like... so far the only like onscreen murder slash manslaughter we've seen is Oakheart. Is that the guy? I don't know. That RiverClan cat who got killed by Redtail. And then all of Tigerclaw's murder victims, but that was obviously evil. And then there's accidental death. But I know these cats are killing each other in later books. So I don't know. Maybe it's just like a change that happens.

JULIAN: I feel like there is some-- there is like a shift. But I don't remember when it happens.

PAZ: Yeah, I'll be curious to see if it happens like within the first series, or if that only really starts happening like, second series onwards.

JULIAN: There's definitely murders in the first series.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: Unless I'm misremembering what happens in the first series.

PAZ: No, I mean, there's like murders. I know there's murders of like the other evil group. But I'm talking like interclan murders.

JULIAN: Oh, gotcha.

LIZ: What other evil group? Hold on. Wait.

PAZ: Don't worry about it.

LIZ: Okay, sure.

PAZ: We'll get there.

LIZ: Hmm.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know. We'll see.

JULIAN: Yeah, there have so far been no war crimes, I would say. At least in these chapters. I think this book has also been pretty low war crime.

PAZ: Yeah, I feel like the war crimes might be coming up, though.

JULIAN: Yeah, I probably shouldn't call it. We're only on chapter 10.

PAZ: Yeah, I think we're gearing up for war crimes.

JULIAN: I guess hunting on WindClan's territory after driving them out could probably be construed as a war crime.

PAZ: Yeah. Breaking treaty, breaking word also. So there were war crimes. Couldn't go 10 chapters without some war crimes.

LIZ: Well, it is Warrior Cats. Not like non Warrior Cats. I think I've made this joke but better before. These are some fighting cats.

JULIAN: Cat fight.

PAZ: They sure are. I don't know. I don't have anything else really for these chapters. I don't-- does anyone else?

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't either.

LIZ: As a note, I think it's very funny that in like these chapters Tigerclaw he's being put on like, the sensible side of the argument or whatever. Yeah. It's just like, he's just acting normal guy now, but he's still evil.

PAZ: Yeah. He was so normal guy these chapters, noticeably.

LIZ: It's very funny.

JULIAN: Yeah, I feel like it's like trying to set us up for like, a twist when he goes mask off again. But.

LIZ: But what if he does-- what if he does just become normal? He's like, Oh, yeah, Vice President. This is good enough. I'm retiring my evil ways. I'm still mean, but from now on, I'm just going to be critiquing your teaching style.

JULIAN: Which frankly, needs it.

PAZ: Fireheart, have you considered murdering your apprentice as a motivator?

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Oh, no? Well, have you considered taking notes?

JULIAN: Fireheart, have you thought about taking some continuing education classes? Some workshops?

LIZ: Night classes.

JULIAN: Personal development? Professional development?

PAZ: Needs to get his education certificate.

JULIAN: Yeah. Fireheart, where's your MA?

LIZ: You know, Fireheart, they have some courses on LinkedIn that you can take. About seven hours each. You get a little certificate at the end. That's how I got mine.

JULIAN: Fireheart learns to code. Fireheart goes to boot camp. Comes out with a Udemy badge.

LIZ: Are we good for these chapters?

PAZ: Yeah, I think we're good.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: It was only three chapters. And it was a lot of like, internal stuff.

JULIAN: Right, they're a lot less eventful than the last ones.

LIZ: Everyone's very sad.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah.

[meow]

So, in honor of meeting Princess these chapters, I decided maybe we should look at all of the canonical kittypet names and rate them and see what the kittypet names got going on, because I think we were pretty positive on Nutmeg last week.

LIZ: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: So we're gotta see if there's more where that came from. So I'm pulling up the list of canon kittypets on the Warriors wiki. Okay, I'm just gonna go down them and we can give our thoughts. How about that?

JULIAN: Sounds good.

LIZ: All right.

PAZ: So the first that we have is Algernon? Is that how you say that? Al-grr-non?

JULIAN: Al-jer-non, yep.

PAZ: And Bess. How are we feeling about that?

JULIAN: I like them, but only as a duo. Like you got to have Algernon and Bess. They really play off each other.

PAZ: Yeah, I agree.

LIZ: They sound like a separate pirate duo in Black Sails.

PAZ: Yeah, I agree. They have to be a pair. Okay, next we have Hal.

JULIAN: Eh.

PAZ: Pretty boring.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Pixie.

JULIAN: Very good.

PAZ: Eh. Yeah, I think it depends on the cat. I have to visualize this cat.

JULIAN: That's true. This is a fluffy white she cat, which is like a less good-- I hear Pixie and I'm biased by our friend Erin's very good cat who is a little tabby freak.

LIZ: Pixie should be a freak.

JULIAN: And this doesn't... this cat does not sound like a freak.

PAZ: No. Freaks only. Okay, the next cat is Red.

JULIAN: Eh.

PAZ: Uh, it's okay, I guess.

LIZ: We've got a good ginger cat already. And Fireheart really got the protagonist name thing down.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Okay. Next cat is Marmalade.

JULIAN: Excellent.

LIZ: 10 out of 10.

PAZ: This is fantastic. He is described as a large ginger tom.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: I am a huge fan of this name. Then we got Jay.

JULIAN: Eh.

PAZ: It's okay.

LIZ: It's all right.

PAZ: I do like-- a very old black and white she cat. I'm just picturing Chloe.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Then we have Jake. I feel like we already discussed his name, but I'll just reiterate. I love when a cat is just named a guy.

JULIAN: Just a human man.

PAZ: Then we have Twig.

JULIAN: Very good.

PAZ: That's pretty good. I like the energy that brings. Then we have another duo. It's Cherry and Boris.

LIZ: Very good together.

PAZ: I love Boris so much.

JULIAN: That's another human man name.

PAZ: Right? It just sounds like some Russian, old Russian man. I don't know.

JULIAN: Who is out here naming their cat Boris? I love it.

PAZ: I don't know but they chose right.

LIZ: I mean--

PAZ: Um-- yeah, go ahead.

LIZ: No. Our good friend does have a cat named Putin. Short for, if I'm remembering correctly, Rasputin, so.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Exactly. Then we have Echo. That's okay, I guess.

LIZ: Nice Friends at the Table reference.

JULIAN: Next cat name is Fourteen Fifteen.

PAZ: No, if only. Hutch. I don't know.

JULIAN: It really depends on the cat.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I feel like.

PAZ: It's original, I guess.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I'll give it points for that.

JULIAN: "Hutch is a dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes and hard paw pads." Why do we know that his paw pads are hard?

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: You mush them.

PAZ: How am I gonna squeeze his beans?

JULIAN: Give him some coconut oil.

PAZ: Okay, our next cat is Oscar. Once again, love just a normal human man name.

LIZ: I know I shouldn't be looking at the descriptions of these cause they're probably really spoilery.

PAZ: Yeah, don't do that. Stop.

LIZ: But this one's really funny. I won't remember it by then.

PAZ: Okay, you can read it.

LIZ: But if anyone's worried about spoilers, cover your ears. This says, "an unknowing descendent of SkyClan who chooses not to live in SkyClan because he believes clan ideas are stupid."

PAZ: I agree with Oscar.

JULIAN: That's a real Oscar-- Oscar would.

PAZ: Classic Oscar. Okay, the next cat is Bella. It's boring, I guess. I don't know. Another duo, Rose and Lily.

JULIAN: It's fine. It doesn't have the same energy as our previous duos.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, I don't... they're not bringing the same heat. I guess at least they have a theme, which is flowers.

LIZ: I want these to be like really out there cats, if it has to work, like real fancy or really evil.

JULIAN: Yeah, I just want like a cat with a flower name that's like really fucking-- like, where's my cat named Hydrangea?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Fuck yeah. Okay, next cat is Hattie. Feel like that's cute.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Sounds like it should be like a little, little old cat. Next cat is Velvet.

LIZ: Very decadent.

PAZ: Yeah, just makes me think of the Velveteen Rabbit.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Which I guess is a vibe. I don't know. Okay, then we have Benny.

LIZ: That's cute.

PAZ: It's pretty good. It's not as good as the other man names but it's cute. Then we have Brandy.

JULIAN: Brandy feels like such a 90s name to name your cat.

LIZ: Yeah. Like you're definitely thinking of like Brandi, capital B Brandi, right?

JULIAN: Oh, yes.

LIZ: I guess these did come out around that time.

JULIAN: Like that cat needs to bring that energy.

LIZ: This is a cat with a rhinestone collar.

PAZ: I think the name is better conjunction when you see that his sibling is Minty.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Oh, that's good.

PAZ: I think that's a good pair of names. So another one where I think a duo really brings out that energy.

JULIAN: The next one is also a duo. Or like, half a duo.

PAZ: Yeah. So it's Frankie. And then Jesse.

LIZ: Very cute.

PAZ: Those are just like, those are solid names. (laughing) The next cat is O'Hara.

JULIAN: Oh boy.

LIZ: Uh.

JULIAN: Bad, but it's not her fault.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Oh, God. Okay, next name is Parsnip.

JULIAN: Excellent.

PAZ: I love that.

LIZ: 10 out of 10.

PAZ: This is a perfect cat name.

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: I'm gonna keep it in mind for future cats, I think. It's powerful.

LIZ: I think Parsnip should have like a little vegetable clan and it should just be like, here's my deputy Carrots. Here's my other deputy, Rutabaga. And my [laughs] I don't know, my apprentices, like, Cabbage and... I'm running out of vegetables.

JULIAN: Peapod.

LIZ: Potato. Peapod, yeah.

PAZ: Polly. Eh.

JULIAN: I like Polly, but I think I'm mostly biased toward it because it's my grandma's name. So I'm just envisioning like a very like old, cheerful cat.

PAZ: That would be good. Then we have Riga, I guess? It's unique.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: It's probably a person name or something?

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know.

JULIAN: I think it's a person name.

PAZ: Points for not being a common name. Scarlett.

LIZ: No. Hold on a second. Are Scarlett and O'Hara a duo?

PAZ: Oh, no.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm very afraid that they might be.

LIZ: I don't like that. No.

PAZ: They both live in the same place apparently.

JULIAN: Nooo.

LIZ: Bad.

JULIAN: Hate it.

LIZ: Not their fault. But bad.

PAZ: No, but I'm looking at Scarlett's wiki page. It doesn't mention O'Hara anywhere, so. Maybe not.

JULIAN: That might be an Erin Hunter badness.

LIZ: Oh, no. Okay, wait. It says they're hostile. [laughs]

JULIAN: Well, then the name is perfect.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't think they're together. They live in the same neighborhood. I think that's about it. Thank God. Okay, then we have Victor.

JULIAN: Excellent.

PAZ: That's powerful.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Then we have Webster.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: I like-- I love that.

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: That's a little, like, nerd cat.

LIZ: With glasses.

PAZ: Exactly. Then we have Ziggy. That's also cute.

JULIAN: I think the four here are just really good kind of in conjunction, where it's like Victor, Webster, and Ziggy.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a great combo. That's a little like, YA friend group.

LIZ: They all sound like, like in that book, they would be the little nerd group that's going to go on like some sort of robotics competition thing. And it's about friendship.

PAZ: Exactly.

LIZ: And accepting who you are.

PAZ: The next name is Betsy.

JULIAN: Cute.

PAZ: It's a good name for an old cat. Gonna skip some of these names. Max. Eh.

LIZ: Can we go back to one? Just one because it's--

PAZ: No, we gotta skip them.

LIZ: Aw, but the one before that is so...

JULIAN: It's really good.

PAZ: Okay, I don't think that counts as a real kittypet name.

JULIAN: This was clearly not chosen by a human but Harveymoon.

LIZ: Can we give it a shout out?

PAZ: Harvest Moon sequel, Harveymoon.

JULIAN: Is that what they're calling it now that they can't use the Harvest Moon trademark anymore?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Harveymoon, friend of Susanclaw.

JULIAN: Now I'm gonna be imagining them as an elderly couple.

PAZ: That's perfect.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Okay, um, Ajax.

JULIAN: Excellent, real powerful name.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: That just reminds me of dogs because I read a book about a half-dog half-dingo named Ajax, but that's my own bias.

JULIAN: Can I just read his description real quick?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: "Ajax is a kittypet and friend of Rose and Fuzzball."

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Yeah, I was waiting to get to Fuzzball on this list to rate that, but Fuzzball is a 10 out of 10 also.

LIZ: All three of those together are just... what a wonderful friend group. Powerful.

PAZ: Then we have Pickle.

LIZ: Beautiful.

PAZ: Perfect.

JULIAN: He has a squashed in face.

PAZ: Aw, Pickle. Imagine Pickle and... what was it? I've already forgotten it. Yes, Pickle and Parsnip together. Imagine that.

JULIAN: Oh yes.

LIZ: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. Powerful.

LIZ: Wait, wait, wait. Do you think Pickle used to be Cucumber when he was younger and then as he aged he became Pickle?

PAZ: God.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Then we have Yew.

LIZ: Oh, me?

[laughter]

PAZ: Yep. Then we have Bumble.

LIZ: Beautiful.

JULIAN: That's very good.

PAZ: I like to picture this as the cats, you know, with like the balance like condition.

JULIAN: Oh yeah.

PAZ: Where they wobble.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Yeah, it'd be a cute name.

JULIAN: I do think it's a cute name. I do think about the dating app unfortunately.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: But it's fine.

PAZ: I forgot that existed. Um, there is a cat just called Tom.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Good.

PAZ: Here's Tom's description. "He is hostile to every cat he meets and is a mean bully."

JULIAN: Good for him.

LIZ: So this is an old man.

PAZ: Who wrote this? Then we have a cat, Flower. Eh.

JULIAN: Eh.

PAZ: I don't know about--

JULIAN: She is said to be frightened by strange cats.

PAZ: Who isn't?

JULIAN: So I'm picturing a very skittish creature.

PAZ: Yeah. Um, we got our boy Rusty. I think that was a pretty good name, but could be better.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. Then we have Smudge. I think Smudge is a cute name.

JULIAN: Smudge is very good.

PAZ: We have Princess.

JULIAN: Eh.

LIZ: Classic.

PAZ: That name didn't do much for me.

LIZ: In context, it's very good.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Right, when you know that Princess is the daughter of Jake and Nutmeg.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. Um, then we have Henry.

LIZ: The best.

PAZ: We love Henry. Henry is 11 out of 10. Fantastic.

LIZ: I'm looking at Henry's page wondering if there have been any hot Henry updates.

PAZ: No, I think we already established this.

LIZ: There's a pretty good image of him. He doesn't look as big as I imagined him, though.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like the stock Warriors wiki for kittypets.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: I want him to be like a real chongus.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Okay, moving on. We got Purdy. I think that's a great name.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: Cody.

LIZ: That's just a boy. That's just a guy. A lad.

JULIAN: Cody feels like a dog name to me.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, if you told me there was an animal named Cody, I think I would assume a dog. Then we have Sasha.

JULIAN: Cute.

PAZ: It's okay.

LIZ: Also feels like a dog name, but like a sort of big furry one.

PAZ: Yeah, kind of.

JULIAN: Mm, I can see that.

PAZ: Then we have another duo. Jacques and Susan.

JULIAN: Perfect.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Jacques is such a good cat name.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: And with Susan, though, that's like...

JULIAN: Yeah. I'm picturing like, you know how kids cartoons have like, sometimes just a very stereotypical French character.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I'm picturing like a little cartoon where it's like, I'm Jacques. (high-pitched creaky voice) And I'm Susan.

PAZ: Yeah, Jacques has a little beret on.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's all stripey.

LIZ: I've seen this and it's the cooking show that Jacques Pepin had with Julia Child. This is just what it is.

JULIAN: Perfect.

PAZ: We have, um, Jingo. I have to say, don't name your cat that.

LIZ: Mm-mm.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think the cat right after is also bad.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: It's like Jingo and Huss-er. Or Hussar. I don't actually know how to pronounce that word.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Bad.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like a cavalry person. Really leaning on that theme. Then we have Snowdrop.

JULIAN: Perfect.

LIZ: Cute.

PAZ: I think for a little kitten, that would be a very cute name. We have Jigsaw.

[laughter]

Yeah?

LIZ: I love puzzles. That's the only reason I'm laughing.

JULIAN: I think it's a very good cat name.

PAZ: Yeah. Is Seville how you pronounce this next one?

JULIAN: I think so.

LIZ: Yeah, like with the oranges?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Seville oranges.

JULIAN: Unless you're being super like, "suh-veal" or "suh-vee" or something. But like I don't think anyone...

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: That's like people who say "cwossan."

LIZ: Oh god, can I get another read on that? That was very good.

JULIAN: You want me to...? "Cwossan."

LIZ: Name a cat that.

JULIAN: But you have to say it exactly like that.

PAZ: Uh-huh. Next up we have Bob.

JULIAN: Good.

PAZ: 10 out of 10. Fantastic. Then we have Zelda.

LIZ: Great cat name.

JULIAN: Can I just read this list of like the next like three or four, kind of all in conjunction?

PAZ: Yeah, go ahead.

JULIAN: So we have Bob, Zelda, Max, and Loki.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Just a real--

PAZ: One for the Marvel fans there.

JULIAN: That's another YA book friend group.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: You have Zelda, your sort of token girl. And then Loki, who clearly chose their own name.

PAZ: Loki's just LARPing. I think we already rated the next two, which is Velvet and Fuzzball.

JULIAN: Fuzzball is still so good.

PAZ: Fuzzball's still fantastic. Okay, everyone brace yourself for the next two. It's Eggs and Bacon.

LIZ: Perfect.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: Best ones.

PAZ: And Eggs and Bacon are the sons of Pancakes.

LIZ: Oh my god, they're siblings. Of course they are.

PAZ: This is 100% the best names on this list.

LIZ: Pancakes, you've done it.

JULIAN: Pack it up. What else can we do?

LIZ: We can't go on.

PAZ: It's so good.

LIZ: Fuck.

PAZ: Oh my god. Okay, um, we got Millie... eh.

JULIAN: Eh.

PAZ: Also, Liz, don't look at these descriptions. I'm covering your eyes.

LIZ: Okay, can I-- I'm covering the half that has the descriptions and I'm just looking at the names.

PAZ: Uh-huh.

LIZ: These... these mostly look like people names going forward.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. We got Millie, Duke, Ruby, and Socks. I think Socks is cute.

LIZ: Socks is cute.

PAZ: Socks is a classic.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Quince... Okay.

LIZ: So a fruit?

JULIAN: I think it's a fruit.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: You little fruit.

LIZ: Tigerclaw.

PAZ: We have Shnuky.

JULIAN: Oh, that's good.

PAZ: That's a powerful name.

LIZ: Oh, when did that book come out, with the Shnuky in it?

JULIAN: Shnuky's in the mangas.

PAZ: Yeah. Then we have Patch. That's cute.

JULIAN: Cute.

PAZ: Then we have Harry. Once again, that one's just a guy.

JULIAN: Can I just post real quick an image of Shnuky?

PAZ: Yeah, please.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: From the wiki? That may be from the official art. Um, this is not a cat.

LIZ: Wait. Wait a second.

PAZ: Oh my god. That's definitely from the manga.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: That's a man. Or that's some sort of human.

PAZ: This is a human man who's been cursed to be a hairless cat.

JULIAN: He looks like those paintings.

LIZ: This cat has the eyes of Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid.

JULIAN: The legs are also all wonky. They're like--

PAZ: They look like arms.

JULIAN: I'm like... so I assume this is, because I don't want to make fun of it if this is like a child's fan art.

PAZ: No, I think this is the manga for sure.

JULIAN: Oh god.

LIZ: I think it is. It's got that screen tone.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think oh, it does have screen... Yeah, no, this was drawn by an artist. These are human eyes.

PAZ: Yeah, it's kind of scary.

JULIAN: I hate to look at this.

LIZ: They're human eyes and they're begging you to set him free from this cursed form.

JULIAN: God, and the back legs. One knee bends forward like a human's knee. And then the other knee is bending back.

PAZ: God.

LIZ: This is an animorph mid-transformation.

PAZ: Oh god. Okay, we're almost at the end here. Let's get haulin'. Myler.

JULIAN: I... sure?

PAZ: I don't know. I guess.

JULIAN: I don't know how I feel about that.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: It feels like a... like a Kayleigh. Like a Michaela name.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know. It's a name, I guess. Um, Crystal? She's just like, a blonde.

LIZ: That's the name of my old boss.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's like, the problem with Crystal is that it is a human name. But it doesn't have the same kind of human name energy that like... Susan--

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: This is no...

JULIAN: --has because it's also an object.

PAZ: This is no Boris.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, not a Boris at all.

PAZ: We have Violet. It's fine.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Riley. Also fine, I guess.

JULIAN: Yeah, Riley's cute I think.

PAZ: Yeah, depending on the cat, I think. Then we have Lulu.

JULIAN: Lulu's very good.

LIZ: Good.

PAZ: That's what my dad calls my cat Loo, whose full name is Waterloo technically.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Heck yeah.

JULIAN: I didn't know Loo was short for Waterloo. That's really cute.

PAZ: Then we have Madric. I feel like that's something, but I don't know what that is. Okay, googling it just showed me soccer players so I don't know. I guess it's a--

LIZ: This is a jock.

PAZ: Oh my god, this cat's homophobic.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: "He is an antagonistic kittypet who acts hostile towards Ravenpaw and Barley--"

JULIAN: Fuck off, Madric.

PAZ: "--and accuses them of trespassing."

LIZ: Fuck you. Get out of here.

PAZ: Madric's just some fucking straight boy in those like knee length shorts in winter on the football team.

JULIAN: Ravenpaw and Barley don't respect your land borders.

PAZ: No. And then we have Pasha. I don't know why this is the second cat named after historical military officers, but okay.

JULIAN: Isn't Pasha also like a diminutive for like Sasha?

PAZ: Is it?

JULIAN: I thought it was.

PAZ: I believe that, yeah. It probably is. Oh my god. Okay, I just have to read this description. "A dark tabby. He is one of the kittypets tormenting SkyClan."

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Oh god. Okay, that's all the kittypet names.

JULIAN: We did it.

LIZ: I think there's some more.

PAZ: No, I think that's all of them.

LIZ: No, if you click on the-- did we miss Gremlin?

JULIAN: What?

PAZ: Where is this?

JULIAN: Oh, there's-- if we go into List of kittypets, there are more kittypets.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Liz, I don't want you to-- stop clicking around. Please.

JULIAN: Here, I opened it up. There's no spoilers on this list. And we don't have to read them all because there are--

PAZ: No, Liz, close the list. I'm holding a gun up.

JULIAN: 155.

LIZ: I'm closing it.

JULIAN: Um, but I just want to call out a couple of really good ones.

PAZ: Yeah, please.

JULIAN: Bigteeth. Bugeater. Buster.

LIZ: They're good.

JULIAN: Cheddar.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh, we do have a good-- Daffodil.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: That's cute. Diesel.

JULIAN: Yeah. Um, Gremlin, as mentioned.

LIZ: Perfect.

JULIAN: We have not only Hal, Harry, Harvey, Hattie, and Henry, all of which are good.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Macgyver. Oh, Miss Mama Cat. Hello?

PAZ: Oh my god. That is incredible.

JULIAN: I must know more. Oh, Miss Mama Cat is a different name for a cat who has a separate name.

PAZ: Oh, yeah. Don't click.

LIZ: Spoilers, huh?

PAZ: Look away from this list.

LIZ: I'm not clicking. I'm not clicking.

PAZ: Holding up the gun.

LIZ: I've exited. Don't worry.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: Um, let's see. Raindrop, very good. Scraps.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Shanty, Snooky.

PAZ: Tiny.

JULIAN: I can't be fond of Tiny because I know who Tiny is.

PAZ: Oh yeah, fuck, I forgot. Yeah, you're right.

LIZ: Oh, that's very ominous.

PAZ: Yeah. That bitch Tiny.

JULIAN: But apparently there are two Tinys. So maybe I can be fond of one of them.

PAZ: No, it says graphic novel.

JULIAN: Oh, they've listed it twice.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: They just haven't sanitized this list well. Um, but yeah, there's some good ones on here. I think we-- oh, Little Mew. I missed Little Mew.

PAZ: Aw.

LIZ: More cats should have little titles.

PAZ: I agree.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Like imagine if--

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: I don't know, Nutmeg was like Miss Nutmeg.

PAZ: Aw, that's very good.

JULIAN: Little Mew is the kit of Husker and Moss and kin to Splash. Their siblings are Pad, Raindrop, and Birdy. And they all live in a barn besides a Twoleg nest.

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: Aw, that's so cute.

LIZ: They're in their own book. This is some like Beatrix Potter shit.

JULIAN: Oh my god, Little Mew has anime bangs.

PAZ: Oh my god, please. Please please please. Oh my. They're horrible.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Little Mew has 90s boy like middle part anime bangs.

LIZ: Little Mew looks exactly like a little boy in Pathologic Classic.

JULIAN: Here's the screentone version of Little Mew so you can see the bangs better.

PAZ: The bangs are colored differently.

LIZ: Little Mew's frosted tips.

JULIAN: Little Mew's center part.

PAZ: Oh God.

JULIAN: Little Mew's Edward Elric haircut.

LIZ: No!

PAZ: It also kinda looks like Yugioh hair.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: I love the Warriors manga. I love that it exists and that it gave all the cats anime bangs.

LIZ: But not the ones we wanted.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Okay, well, that's all the kittypet names. I think there's some pretty good ones here.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: So good job, Erins.

LIZ: 98% good job.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Can I share one more art from the manga?

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: Oh yeah, please.

JULIAN: This is Birdy.

LIZ: Holy shit. What the fuck.

PAZ: Does she have eyeshadow on?

LIZ: What the... who...

JULIAN: I just, I love that for the manga they appear not to have gotten like furry artists or people who were particularly good at drawing cats.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: They got some like regular manga artists and were like, hey, you're good at shoujo manga, right? Um, can you draw cats? Don't worry. It's just like people.

LIZ: This cat looks like one of those old cats in the Cats musical.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: This is Grizabella the glamour cat. But this is before she really went downhill. You know? She's got her eyeshadow. She's looking fierce.

PAZ: Uh-huh.

LIZ: This is her in her prime.

PAZ: Yeah. Got her side face fluff styled to perfection.

LIZ: I don't like this expression that the artist has drawn.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: She looks really vacuous. It's kind of scary.

LIZ: Don't look at me with those big old eyes.

PAZ: Oh gosh. Okay, well, I think that might do it for us. It's been a while. It's been a journey.

LIZ: I think we can agree that there are three really good categories of kittypet names. So there's one, just stuff in the kitchen. Two, just human names. And three, which is just kind of like a cutesy descriptor.

PAZ: Yeah. I agree.

LIZ: Fuzzball, you know, can't top that.

JULIAN: Socks.

LIZ: I think for the new generation of Warrior Cats as a series, if they have more kittypets, there should be cats named Toaster and Tax Return. That seems to be what millennials are doing now, right?

PAZ: No, it's for the children. It has to be like TikTok and, um...

LIZ: This is my cat Fortnite.

PAZ: My cat Fortnite. Exactly.

JULIAN: Name your cat after memes that are like three years old. This is my cat Doge.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Name your cat Bean Dad now to be already out of date.

PAZ: My cat Milkshake Duck.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: This is my cat Warrior Cat. I'm sure somewhere there is a cat rescue that is naming their cats after memes.

PAZ: Oh, absolutely.

JULIAN: Ensuring that everyone who adopts the cats will immediately rename them.

PAZ: Mind games. Okay, I'm gonna call it here. Great list, some great names. But we'll be back next week reading chapters 11 through 14. And as always, you can follow the show on Twitter @staircast and send in any questions or anecdotes to [email protected]. I can't remember if there's anything else to plug. Oh, I don't know if I ever mentioned it on the podcast but the episode summaries like written out, I'm linking them in the episode description. If anyone wants to look at that, they're there. Other than that, I think that's it. So until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

[outro music]

Let's podcast. Sorry.

JULIAN: We have to get that MeUndies money.

PAZ: Ugh. MeUndies wishes, but they'll never get us. They won't corner this market.

#transcript #ep 10 #fire and ice ep #fireheart learns to code

[cooliogirl101]

Hisana x Byakuya a mixture of 41, 25/26 and 15. That is a lot but I think these can really go together well. Thank you!

And here you have my way too long, 6000 word future AU scene of WTL (warnings: I took extreme liberties with the prompts). 

Kurosawa Haru maintains that he didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that…well, he’s worried aboutKuchiki-fukutaicho. He knows he’s not the only one either; she’s been unusuallyshort tempered these past couple of weeks and even the most oblivious members ofthe Fourth Division have noticed. Sure, part of it may be attributed to thefact that both her husband and her sister are currently on a 2-month longmission in the living world, but the other day she’d actually snapped at Ukitake-taicho before promptly burstinginto tears, mumbling an apology, and running off.

So yeah. Haru thinks he has decent reason to be concerned atthis point, especially given that fifteen minutes ago, Kuchiki-fukutaicho hadentered the Fourth Division headquarters (already an unusual occurrence, giventhat it’s half past noon and she’s normally in here by seven in the morning)with an incredibly distracted look on her face, before making a beeline forUnohana-taicho’s office without so much as offering a greeting to anyone in herway.

This is around the time that Haru decides it’s a good timefor a little extra spring cleaning (everyone knows that Kuchiki-fukutaicho is astickler for good hygiene; since it’s pretty obvious that she’s fairly stressedright now, what better way to cheer her up than by going above-and-beyond his usualcleaning duties?). If he chooses to sweep the corridor outside Unohana-taicho’soffice first, well, it only makes sense that he start with that area. Taichodeserves only the best, after all. And if he just so happens to sweep that areaa few more times than strictly necessary, hey, that’s just him being thorough.  

…okay, maybe it’s possible that the eavesdropping may nothave been strictly accidental. Harucan’t bring himself to regret doing so though, not if it means getting to thebottom of what’s been bothering Kuchiki-fukutaicho. After all, if he doesn’tknow what’s wrong, how can he help fix it?

“So, you’re certain then?” Kuchiki-fukutaicho’s voice comesfrom behind the door, sounding a bit shell-shocked. Haru frowns, straining tohear more (he’s also holding his broom about a foot off the ground, and it’s asign of how focused he is on the conversation happening inside the room that hedoesn’t realize he’s now sweeping the air). He can count on one hand the numberof times he’s heard his lieutenant sound so unsure, and it’s never precededanything good. “I’m really…?”

“Yes,” Unohanareplies softly. “You were right, Hisana.”

There’s a long silence and then Kuchiki-fukutaicho lets outa slightly choked noise, full of emotion. Haru swallows, hands clenchingtightly around the handle of his broom, because that? That had sounded like asob.

“I-I’m sorry,” she apologizes wetly. “I just…I-I can’tbelieve…”

“Take all the time you need,” Unohana says, gentle and kindand reassuring. Haru’s never heard her talk to a patient any other way, noteven in the face of the most terrible injuries, and while he’s always admiredthat ability of hers, he curses it now because it gives nothing away on how thesituation really is.

It must be bad though, for Kuchiki-fukutaicho to cry aboutit. He squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to figure out how he’s going to breakthis to everyone else. God, and with Kuchiki-fukutaicho and Rukia-chan out ofthe Seireitei—

It doesn’t matter, Harudecides firmly, hands tightening around the handle of his broom. It doesn’t matter that they’re not here,because she won’t be alone. She has me, and taicho, and the rest of the Fourth,and we’re all going to help her through this.

Haru tunes back into the conversation just in time to hearUnohana-taicho mention something about weekly health check-ups.

“—so that I can keep a close eye on things,” Unohana-taichosays in a tone that leaves no room for argument. “And of course, I don’t thinkI have to tell you to refrain from using kido and to stay away from anythingtoo physically taxing.” A pause. “In fact, perhaps it’s better if I take youoff active duty for the foreseeable future.”

“If you think that’s for the best,” Kuchiki-fukutaichoagrees.

Haru drops his broom. Dear god, it was worse than he’dthought.

“What.” Ogidou Harunobu says flatly.

“I’m telling you, it’s true!” Haru insists.“Kuchiki-fukutaicho’s really sick!”

With a sigh, Harunobu turns away and goes back to foldingthe bedsheets. “If you’re going to spread stupid rumors, couldn’t you have atleast bothered to make up something believable?”

“I’m not lying!” Suddenly angry, Haru grabs Harunobu by thearm and forces the other healer to face him. “Look, I was outside taicho’s officewhen they were talking, and it sounded really serious, okay? I wouldn’t jokeabout something like this.”

“Then you must have misheard,” Harunobu says, shaking hishead. “There’s just…no, it’s got to be a mistake. Besides, don’t you thinkKuchiki-fukutaicho would have said something?”

“When’s the last time Kuchiki-fukutaicho said anything inregards to her own health aside from ‘I’m fine, don’t worry about me’?” Harusnorts.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Harunobu admits. “But I stillthink you’re overreacting. So she took some time off, what’s the big deal? Asfar as I’m concerned, she deserves it. Aside from trips to Inuzuri every twoyears or so, she hasn’t taken a single vacation day in her time here.”

“Look, I know it sounds hard to believe, but you weren’tthere. She—” Haru swallows. “—she was crying,man. And sure, maybe I don’t know exactly what she has, but I do know thatit’s serious. I mean, she took time off. Think about that for a moment, willyou? Kuchiki Hisana willingly went on amedical leave of absence.”

For the first time, a flash of uncertainty crosses Harunobu’sface.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he protests weakly. “She’sallowed to take some time off if she’s not feeling well—just because sherefused to when she broke her arm that one time…or when that Clown-facedbastard ‘accidentally’ poisoned her…or when she ended up with four broken ribsand a concussion after that spar with Ichimaru-fukutaicho…” Harunobu trailsoff, horrified, as Haru nods grimly. “Oh my god, she must be dying.”

“Kuchiki-fukutaicho?” Nakada Fujiko asks hesitantly as shespots the Fourth Division lieutenant in her office, pouring over a stack ofpaperwork. “Aren’t you…aren’t you supposed to be resting right now?”

“You too, huh?” Hisana smiles wryly, flipping over anothersheet of paper. “You’re the third person today to ask me that question, andI’ve only been here an hour. I’m guessing by the reactions of everyone herethat the secret is out?” Hisana’s voice is carefully blank and Fujiko takes abrief moment to mentally curse Haru. Ofcourse Kuchiki-fukutaicho would be upset; she’d barely had the chance tocome to terms with the news herself and the idiot had gone and blabbed her privatelife to the entire division.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you Nakada-san,” Hisana sayskindly. The other girl has a faint smile on her lips as she studies Fujiko,apparently having guessed the direction of her thoughts. “The news would havecome out eventually. Granted, I would have liked to tell Byakuya and Rukiafirst, but if people know, they know. Honestly, I should have known better,given the strength of the Seireitei’s rumor mill.”

There’s a spark of humor in Hisana’s eyes and Fujikoswallows, feeling her admiration for her lieutenant grow. She’s pretty surethat if she was inKuchiki-fukutaicho’s place, she’d be in bed and huddled under a dozen blanketsright now, not doing paperwork and cracking jokes to make some girl twenty ranksbelow her feel better.

“I…I promise to do everything I can to help you through this,”Fujiko vows, making a mental note to enlist a couple friends to help hercontain the rumors. Or, failing that, to help her stop any nosy shinigami frombothering Kuchiki-fukutaicho about her illness. She deserved the chance to tellpeople herself, when she was ready. “You just focus on taking care of yourself,alright? Anything you need, anything at all, just tell one of us!” To hermortification, Fujiko feels herself tearing up and she angrily forces them back.Kuchiki-fukutaicho was the one who was sick and she wasn’t crying, so why was she?

“That’s very kind of you to offer,” Hisana says, lookingslightly surprised at the fervor in Fujiko’s words. It only makes her feelworse—for as long as she can remember, Kuchiki-fukutaicho has always beensomeone she’s felt she could turn to for any worries or troubles in her life.And for her to be so taken aback at Fujiko offering to return the favor…hadthat relationship really been so one-sided? “This is all new territory for me,I’m afraid, so I’ll need all the help I can get…” Her voice trails off. “Areyou feeling quite alright, Nakada-san?”

“I’m fine!” Fujiko squeaks, choking back the sob thatthreatens to escape. “I just…I want you tobe, that’s all.” At that, Hisana’s expression softens.

“Well, I can’t say that it’s going to be easy, especiallywith Byakuya gone right now and all,” she admits. “But I’m in the best possiblehands right now, I’ve got people I trust supporting me—” Here Hisana glances ather warmly and Fujiko can’t help but blush slightly at the implication. “—andthat’s all I can ask for, really.”

Fujiko leaves not long after, promising to stop by later anddrop off some homemade baked goods because “You need to keep your strength up,Kuchiki-fukutaicho!” Hisana watches her go, a slightly puzzled frown on herlips as she mentally reviews the other girl’s behavior.

She’d expected that a few people would get emotional at thenews and had anticipated some concern, just…not on this level. It leaves herfeeling equal parts touched and worried (Unohana-taicho had mentioned thatcompared to a human, her body would be put under a lot more strain and thus theassociated risks would be proportionally higher. Still, the way Nakada—andseveral other members of the Fourth—had been acting, you’d think she was dyingor something).

If they’re scared,it’s only because they care, Tenshi no Tsubasa points out.

Hmm. I guess you’reright, Hisana agrees, choosing to put the matter out of her head. I suppose I’m very lucky then, to have somany people care so much. Absently, she rests one hand against her stomachand smiles.

Yes, very luckyindeed.

“Well?” Haru snaps as Harunobu slips into the room, closing thedoor behind him. “What’d taicho say?”

“From what I’ve gathered, there’s a pretty good chance ofeverything turning out fine as long as she gets through the next few weeks.Apparently, the first three months are the riskiest period for things to gowrong,” Harunobu sighs, rubbing his forehead tiredly. “What a time forKuchiki-taicho to be away, huh?”

“Hey now, let’s worry about one thing at a time here,” Harusays hastily, even as Hayashi Tadahiko pales at the thought of KuchikiByakuya’s reaction to his wife’s illness. Harunobu doesn’t blame him—the SixthDivision captain’s anger is a scary, scary thing indeed. So scary, in fact,that ‘sakuraphobia’ has become a legitimized disorder in the Seireitei.

There’s even a support group for it. They meet on Thursdayevenings. By the way things are going, Harunobu’s willing to bet that they’llbe getting some new members soon.

“What about you two? Anything new to report?” Haru continuesin a quieter voice, turning to the girls sitting in the corner of the room.“You’re the ones closest to her. How’s she doing?”

Harunobu watches as Kotetsu Isane and Tsukuda Ayame exchangea glance, before Isane turns to offer the rest of the group a weak smile.

“It’s been hard,” she admits. “But, well, you know Hisana.She’s trying her best not to let it show, to pretend that nothing’s wrong. Sheactually got in a shouting match with Iemura-san over it yesterday, kepttelling him to ‘quit coddling her’ and to ‘stop wasting division resources byassigning healers to stalk her.’ Even threatened to send him on a week-longmission to the Rukongai if he didn’t listen. Which honestly, we should haveexpected. I mean it’s Hisana; ofcourse she’d hate the thought of troubling us.”

“Stupid,” Ayame sniffs angrily, wiping at her eyes. “As ifshe could ever be a burden. But ofcourse, she doesn’t see it that way, and now she’s…she’s—” Blowing her noseloudly into a tissue, she stands up and promptly runs out of the room. “Excuseme for a moment.”

“…Kuchiki-fukutaicho’s been getting worse, hasn’t she?” Haruasks solemnly as he watches Ayame go.

“She fainted in the hallway today,” Isane confirms quietly.“If Hanataro-kun hadn’t been there to catch her…” Her voice trails off. “It’sgetting more and more difficult to keep this from the other squads too. I knowYamanaka-san and Nakada-san are trying their best, but people have started tonotice that…well, that something’s wrong. Hard not to, when she can hardly keepanything down these days, sleeps twice as much as she used to, and walks aroundwith a constant low-grade fever.”

“Does anyone actually know exactly what is wrong with her?” Tadahiko asks curiously. “I mean,judging by the symptoms, the most popular theory is that she has some kind ofreiatsu-draining, nutrient sucking parasite that’s attached itself onto one ofher vital organs, but Unohana-taicho and Kuchiki-fukutaicho are the only oneswho know the details. Wouldn’t it be easier to help if we had a better idea ofwhat’s going on?”

“Yes, let’s go and ask Kuchiki-fukutaicho to tell us all aboutthe dangerous parasite currently sucking the life out of her. That’ll cheer herup,” Haru snaps.

“Haru,” Harunobu says warningly, before turning to Tadahiko.

“I did consider talking to taicho in more detail, but she’smade it clear that she has the situation in control for now. And besides, if itever gets to the point where it’s out of even Unohana-taicho’shands—realistically, what are the chances of any of us being able to do anything?” Harunobu points out reasonably. Atthat, Tadahiko deflates.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he says, looking down. “Ijust hate being so helpless, you know?”

Harunobu nods in agreement, running one hand through hishair.

“Believe me, I feel the same way. Still, just because wecan’t do anything about her condition doesn’t mean that we’re useless. There’s plenty of things we cando to help.”

“Really? Like what?” Tadahiko asks dubiously.

“Well for starters, you can stop running away every time thephrase ‘vaginal discharge’ comes up,” Isane suggests, hiding a smile behind herhand. From where she’s sitting next to her, Yamanaka Aiko scoffs in agreement.

“I still can’t believe that out of all the body fluids we’vehad to deal with, that’s the oneyou’re most uncomfortable with. It’d almost be funny if it weren’t so sad,”Aiko says in disgust, flipping her long, blonde hair disdainfully. “For god’ssake, you’re a healer. Woman up.”

“Oi!” Tadahiko says indignantly, flushed red withembarrassment. “So what if I’m a little uncomfortable with stuff that comes outof, um—” His face turns an even brighter red as he stumbles over his words.Harunobu sighs and covers his face with his hands. “—that specific part ofKuchiki-fukutaicho’s body? There’s nothing wrong with that. And besides, isn’tthe expression supposed to be ‘man up’?”

In response, Aiko lifts a delicately groomed eyebrow.

“Hmm, let’s think about this,” she says sarcastically. “Ourcaptain’s a woman, and not even Zaraki-taicho dares to cross her. Ourlieutenant’s a woman, and when she speaks, captains listen. In fact, out of ourtop five commanding officers, four are women. Face it, if the phrase ‘man up’has a place in any squad, it’s not in this one.”

Healthy skin glow, myass, Hisana thinks viciously to herself as finds herself throwing up in abucket for the umpteenth time that day. Ifthat so-called glow isn’t just sweat caused by episodes of projectile vomiting,I’ll eat my blanket.

“I don’t think I’ve seen anyone throw up that much in mylife. You must be getting one hell of an ab workout,” Yamanaka comments, tone acurious mixture of disgust, awe, and concern. She hands Hisana a wet washcloth.“Here, you look like you need it.”

“Aiko-san!” Ayame scolds from where she’s holding Hisana’shair out of her face. “Have some tact, will you? Hisana-san, don’t listen toher, you look fine—”

“Nah, Yamanaka-san’s right. I’m not exactly a glamoroussight right now,” Hisana waves her off, wiping her mouth with the offeredwashcloth. Leaning back against her pillow, she smiles tiredly up at them. “Thankyou, by the way. I know I’m not exactly the most pleasant company to be aroundright now, so I just want you to know how much I appreciate you putting up withme.” One side of her mouth quirks up in amusement. “And to think, Byakuyadoesn’t even know how lucky he is; bastard’s already managed to dodge a monthof dealing with my mood swings and general grossness completely by accident.”

“If Kuchiki-taicho’s the type to complain about somethinglike this, then he’s not half the man he pretends to be,” Ayame says, voiceabruptly sharp. “And you don’t need to thank us for looking after you. It’s theleast we could do.” Hisana blinks, a little taken aback by the other girl’schange in tone.

“Well, I’m grateful nonetheless,” she says cautiously.

“Don’t worry about it. Like Ayame said, we’re here to help,”Yamanaka says lightly, causing Hisana to frown at the note of forced cheerfulnessin the blonde’s voice. The entirety of Squad 4 has been on edge around her allmonth, and while she knows she’s been rather moody lately, she hadn’t been that bad, had she?

“Well prepare yourselves, because it’s only going to getworse over the next couple of months.” Which is definitely something she’s notlooking forward to. It was one thing to know, objectively, what was going tohappen, and another thing entirely to actually experience it.

“Is there a reason why we can’t use healing kido to helpalleviate the symptoms?” Ayame asks, voice carefully neutral. “It does seemlike this whole thing is taking a rather large toll on you.”

“Something about my body being in a hyper-defensive statewhere it’ll reject just about any unfamiliar reiatsu, even most types of healingkido,” Hisana says absently, before noticing the look of horror on Ayame’sface. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I mean as far as side effects go, it’s afairly rare one, but it does happen occasionally. Honestly, I’m more concernedabout the drain on my reiatsu.” Fainting like that had been humiliating, and she’d rather not have arepeat performance. Iemura’s reaction hadn’t helped things either. Seriously,that man was like the king of overreactions—it had been one measly dizzy spell, hardly the end of the world.

“You mean this isgoing to get worse?” Aiko asks, not quitemanaging to conceal the dismay in her voice.

“Tell me about it. I’m beginning to see why this doesn’thappen that often in the afterlife; I’m half-convinced this is going to kill me, and I haven’t even gotten to the grand finaleyet,” Hisana says grumpily. And to add…well, injury to injury, Unohana hadbanned her from eating any ramen for the next seven and a half months, evengoing so far as to replace all the ramen in the Kuchiki clan kitchens withspinach (how???). Tenshi no Tsubasahad laughed at her for hours.

With a sigh, she turns her attention back to where Ayame andYamanaka appear to be having a nonverbal conversation with eye contact andinteresting expressions alone. “At least Byakuya’s going to be back soon. I’vemissed him,” Hisana says wistfully. “I do hope he takes the news well. I mean,I’m almost positive he will, but it’s going to be a pretty big shock for him.”Chewing on her bottom lip, she narrows her eyes thoughtfully. “Maybe I shouldline the floor with cushions first, just in case he faints or something. He’skind of a sissy at times; he might not take a fall as well as I did.”

“What do you mean we have to break the news toKuchiki-taicho?” Haru yelps. “Are you insane?!”

“Look, I don’t like this either but the alternative is himfreaking out in front of Kuchiki-fukutaicho. And you know he will freak out,” Aiko points out. “Soit’s either him freaking out in front of you beforehand, or him freaking out ather, and I know which one I prefer.”

“The second one!” Haru hisses frantically. “I mean, theoretically there are rulespreventing captains from killing off ordinary officers left and right, but youand I both know that’s total bullshit or else Kurotsuchi-taicho wouldn’t stillbe leading the Twelfth. I’m too young to die, Yamanaka-san.”

“He wouldn’t kill you. It would make Kuchiki-fukutaichosad,” Aiko points out reasonably. “Maybe maim you a bit, but I hear scars areconsidered pretty manly nowadays.”

Remarkably enough, this does absolutely nothing to make Haru feelbetter.

“Well, why can’t youdo it then?” Haru glares at her. Aiko raises her eyebrows at him.

“And risk this face?I don’t think so,” she snorts. “Please, it’s clear that between the two of us,sacrificing your looks would be the lesser tragedy in the grand scheme ofthings.”

“What about Ogidou then? Can’t he do it?” Haru asks, afterpushing down a sudden, murderous urge to punch his fellow Fourth Divisionmember. His mother had raised him to never hit a girl (unless she hit himfirst—then she was fair game) and he wasn’t about to disappoint her now. Evenif Yamanaka did deserve it, in hisobjective, unbiased opinion.

“His looks are better than both of ours combined, so that’sa no,” Aiko says, idly inspecting her nails. “Besides, you were the one to tellthe rest of us about this, so it’s only fitting that you extend the samecourtesy to Kuchiki-taicho, don’t you think?”

Unable to refute that, Haru slumps against the wall,defeated.

“I hate you,” he mumbles under his breath.

“I know,” Aiko says, patting him on the back. “If it makesyou feel any better, I promise I’ll come up with a better story for your deaththan ‘he got killed by a bunch of angry flower petals.’”

“Um, K-Kuchiki-taicho? Do…do you have a moment?” A voicesqueaks from behind Byakuya. A quick glance downwards tells him that the voicebelongs to a skinny kid with round glasses and messy brown hair. He’s wearingthe Fourth Division uniform though, which gives Byakuya pause.

“Yes?” He asks, turning slightly.

“Um.” The kid gulps, swallowing heavily. A bead of sweatdrips down his face onto his uniform but he doesn’t seem to notice as he wringshis hands together nervously. “It’s actually, uh, somewhat of a delicate matterso if you could just follow me into—or out here is fine!” He amends hastily ashe sees Byakuya’s eyes narrow slightly. Patience waning, Byakuya cuts him off, alreadyeager for this conversation to end.

“Is the matter urgent? I’m afraid that I have somewhere t—”

“Hisana’s dying!” The kid blurts out. A fraction of a secondlater, he seems to realize his mistake as he covers his mouth with both hands,but it’s too late. Whirling around, Byakuya’s gaze sharpens as he refocuses onthe boy.

“What did you say?”Byakuya asks dangerously, only for the boy to fall to his knees, struggling tobreathe against the sudden onslaught of Byakuya’s reiatsu. With a frustratedgrowl, Byakuya forces himself to reel his spiritual energy in before proceedingto drag the boy up and slam him into a wall. “Speak,” he commands, ignoring thesound of bones creaking beneath his hand. “I swear to you, boy, if this turnsout to be some sick joke of yours—”

“It’s true!” He gasps out, eyes blown wide with terror. Hiswords are undeniably sincere though, even as he instinctively reaches up withboth hands to claw at the grip currently holding him captive. “I-I’m tellingthe truth!”

He doesn’t even manage to scratch the skin and distantly,Byakuya feels a twinge of pity towards the boy for trying.

“S-She’s b-been sick for over a m-month now and at first itd-didn’t seem so b-b-bad but she’s only been getting worse and K-Kuchiki-fukutaichosays she’s gonna be okay only…onlyher reiatsu’s c-constantly depleted these days and yesterday Iemura-san hadt-to carry her in ‘cause her stomach hurt so bad and she was crying and none ofus knew what to do or how to help and—” Byakuya drops him as if burned andflash-steps away, leaving the sobbing boy to collapse against the wall. Hecan’t bring himself to feel any guilt though, because there’s a nauseating,hollow feeling spreading from the center of his chest that’s consuming allrational thought. He’d thought it was odd that Hisana hadn’t been at the gatesto welcome him back, but this—

Shinigami, as a whole, are not an overly religious group ofpeople. Now, as Byakuya frantically extends his senses, reaching out for thepresence that has come to signify home tohim, he finds himself praying for the first time in his life.

Byakuya senses her before he sees her and the boy is right,Hisana’s spiritual energy is dim, fardimmer than it usually is. At his sudden entrance, she looks up startled,almost dropping the plate she’s holding.

“Byakuya! You’re back early,” Hisana exclaims, lookingflustered. “I wasn’t expecting you for another hour, I haven’t even finishedmaking din—” Her voice trails off as she registers his appearance. “Issomething wrong? You’re white as a sheet.”

When he doesn’t answer, she steps forward hesitantly, takinghis hands in her own. Byakuya can’t help but notice that her hands arefreezing, and he feels his grip tighten involuntarily.

“Byakuya, sweetheart, you’re scaring me. Talk to me,please,” she pleads, stepping closer to him. “Is it Rukia?” Her face pales. “Isshe hurt?”

“Rukia’s fine,” he replies, voice coming out oddly distant,before looking down at her intently. “Are youokay?”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” She asks, bewildered.

“I was just stopped by one of your subordinates, and—” Hebegins only to be cut off mid-sentence.

“Ah. Someone told you,” Hisana cuts him off, realizationdawning on her face. A scowl forms on her face. “Honestly, can’t anyone herekeep a secret? You’d think they’d never heard of patient-healer confidentialitybefore.”

“Yes, someone told me—as they should! Hisana, how long wereyou planning on keeping this from me?” He demands, fear bleeding into anger.

“I was hardly ‘keeping this from you.’ You were on amission, what was I supposed to do?” Hisana asks, frowning at him. “And foryour information, I was going to tell you tonight. After dinner.” Glancing atthe dining room table, Byakuya belatedly registers that it’s covered with hisfavorite dishes, and he feels a sharp pang of remorse. He can’t even imaginehow terrified she must have been these past few months, how nervous she musthave been to break the news to him, and here he is yelling at her instead ofoffering her any support.

“I’m sorry, Hisana,” he apologizes genuinely. “I’m not angryat you, I’m just frustrated at myself. I should have been here, been at yourside—” Honestly, what had Unohana been thinking, not informing him about this?Mission or no mission, if he’d known that Hisana needed him, he would have droppedeverything and opened a Senkaimon home then and there.

“Hey, you’re here now and that’s all that matters,” Hisanasays soothingly, reaching up to brush his hair out of his face.

“Of course. I swear to you Hisana, I’m going to do all I canto make sure you get through this,” Byakuya promises earnestly. “What kind oftreatment options have you discussed thus far?”

“…treatment options?” Hisana asks, confused.

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” Byakuya sayshurriedly. “I understand if you don’t want to. Just tell me what I can do to make thiseasier on you.”

“Um,” Hisana says distractedly before shaking her head,clearing the confusion from her face. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing,really—”

“What is it?” He asks softly, reaching out to cradle herface.

“Just…” She hesitates, not quite meeting his eyes. “Someoptimism would be appreciated, please. I’m not asking for a lot here, just asmile or something—”

“Of course,” Byakuya replies immediately. If she needs himto provide a positive presence in her life, he can do that. He will do that. “You’re going to be fine,everything’s going to be alright—”

“Not about that!” Hisanacries out, frustration warring with sudden, sharp disappointment on her face. “Willyou stop focusing on me for a secondhere? For god’s sake, of course there are going to be risks! I knew that and Iaccepted them, and…and I thought you didtoo, but apparently not because all you and everyone else can focus on is thebad stuff! I don’t care about stupid stuff like the nausea or the occasionalfainting spell or not being able to eat ramen! Okay fine, some sympathy is nice,but I thought that you would at least be a littlehappy about this!”

“Happy?” Byakuyarepeats in disbelief. “How could I possibly be happy about you being sick? About possibly losing you?” At that,Hisana falters.

“Wait, what?” She asks, blinking.

“And I…I don’t know what you want from me here,” hecontinues agitatedly, ignoring her. “I’m tryingto be strong, to be supportive, but you…do you have any idea how it feels, when it seems like every time I turn around,you’re getting poisoned or getting caught in a training accident or…or stumblinghome half-dead after yet another missiongone dreadfully wrong? And now you’re sick enough that you have the entire Fourthscared about your wellbeing, and this is somehow worse than all the other times you’ve been in danger because I…Idon’t know what to expect and I can’t fightthis and I can’t lose you, Hisana, I just can’t—”

“Byakuya, Byakuya, calm down. Breathe,” Hisana instructs,taking his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. “Now, you’re goingto have to help me out here, because I have no idea what’s going on. What inthe world are you talking about?”

“One of the healers…one of the healers in the Fourth stoppedme just as I got back from my mission and told me that you’ve been sick, thatyou’ve been getting weaker and that…that you might not survive—”

“Oh my god,” Hisana interrupts, realization dawning on herface. Releasing him, she steps back and pinches the bridge of her nose with onehand. “Byakuya, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not?” He asks hopefully. “You’re going to be okay,then?”

“More than okay,” she confirms. Glancing at him, she takes adeep breath before continuing. “Byakuya, I’m not sick. I’m pregnant.”

There’s a long silence.

“…come again?” Byakuya asks numbly.

“I’m pregnant,” she repeats, offering him a tentative smile.“With child. Knocked up. Carrying your baby—”

Shaking himself out of his stupor, he reaches out to gripher by the shoulders, shock bleeding into something he can only describe aswonder. “You…you are serious?”

“Yes I am,” Hisana says, laughing a little now. Her eyes arewet and Byakuya doesn’t need a mirror to know that his are as well. “You’regoing to be a father, Byakuya.”

“I—” He chokes on his words, voice heavy with emotion.Kneeling down so that he’s eye level with her stomach, he reaches out beforehesitating. “May I—?”

“Of course,” Hisana says softly, pressing his hands againsther stomach. She hasn’t started to show, not yet, but Byakuya imagines he canalmost feel where the baby’s heartbeat is.

“We’re going to have a baby,” he whispers, feeling awed and morethan a little giddy. “We’re going to be parents.”

“Now there’s the reaction I was looking for,” she teaseswarmly. “You had me really worried for a while there…” Her voice trails off,causing Byakuya to look at her worriedly.

“What is it?”

“I’m a little concerned about the fact that the divisionresponsible for all things medically-related mistook the signs of pregnancy forthe symptoms of some mysterious, life-threatening illness,” she admits. “Although, this explains so much. You know, two days ago I asked Isane to bring me some teaand she knocked over three healers, elbowed two others, and nearly scaldedherself in her haste to get it to me? It isvery sweet of them to be so concerned about my wellbeing, though.” With asigh, she glances towards the door. “I suppose I should head over there toreassure them, make a formal announcement or something. They’re probably stillfreaking out.”

“Mm. Do you have to go now, though?” Byakuya murmurs,pressing a light kiss against her stomach. He tilts his head up to look at hermeaningfully and smiles at the pretty pink blush spreading rapidly across hercheekbones. “I’ve missed you so.”

“I, uh—” She clears her throat, voice coming out noticeablyhigher than normal. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to leave an hour or so later—”

“Two,” he interrupts smoothly, feeling a rush of satisfactionas her cheeks darken even further in response. “You’re going to want to makethat two hours, love.”

“Someone’s feeling ambitious tonight,” Hisana teases asByakuya slides his hands up to her waist, pulling her close. “Very well, two itis then—”

This, of course, is the exact moment Rukia comes crashingthrough the window, hair a mess and eyes frantic.

“Nee-chan, you’redying?!”

Extra Notes:

“You dumbass, you were supposed to break the news to himgently so that he wouldn’t freak out!Not freak him out even more!”

“Look, I panicked, okay? Besides, if you think about it, weweren’t that far off…I mean,technically she does have areiatsu-draining, nutrient sucking parasite att—ow, okay, okay, I got it, stophitting me already!”

Also, if Hisana thinks that people are going to stop withthe coddling and the annoying overprotectiveness and the constant hovering, sheis sadly mistaken. In fact, things actually get worse because the other divisions find out and then she has to dealwith people from the rest of the Gotei 13 in addition to the Fourth. Hell,Yumichika actually bans everyone in the 11th from swearing in her generalvicinity because “What if the baby hears??” And then someone absently asks thequestion of who gets to be the baby’s godparents, which kicks off a series of themost violent, overly-competitive fights since the Seireitei Olympics that tookplace twenty years ago (which, coincidentally, had also occurred as a directresult of Kuchiki Hisana’s actions).

As far as the fight for the title of godfather goes, thecompetitors include, but are not limited to, Ukitake (who turns out to besurprisingly ruthless), Gin (“Oh fuck no,” Hisana says when she hears about it),Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, and Zaraki (who joined more for the constant fights,than out of any desire to be godfather). “You must be delusional if you think I’mletting any of you lunatics near my child,” Byakuya says, eye twitching andlooking one step away from throwing Kuchiki dignity to the wind just to punch Zarakiin the face.

The fight for godmother is subtler but no less vicious (“Youalready get to be aunt! What the hell do you want to be godmother for?” Rangikusnarls at Rukia, who’d froze all of her sake bottles the night before). Hisanaand Byakuya wake up one morning to find ‘Yoruichi for godmother’ written inhuge letters along the west side of the Kuchiki manor (“How??” Byakuya asks indisbelief. “She’s in self-imposed exile right now!”).

In the end, they settle on having Ukitake and Kyouraku asco-godfathers (“Fucking unfair,” Renji grumbles. “They teamed up against therest of us, how was anyone else supposed to have a chance?”) and Unohana asgodmother (“That is going to be one scarily protected kid,” Ikkaku muses. Offin the distance, Aizen quietly makes a mental note not to involve the newKuchiki heir in any of his plans until he attains immortality. He’s confidentin his abilities, not stupid).

So the prompts for this one were “Don’t die on me, please”, “I’m sick,” “I’m dying,” and “I’m pregnant.” Which is pretty much a recipe for angst if I’ve ever seen one, but I didn’t really feel like going that route and so I went with this instead. Hope you enjoyed it anyway! 

Extra notes: As for why no one (except Unohana) figured out that Hisana was pregnant, well there are multiple reasons:

1. Having children is really fucking rare in the afterlife, and is pretty much only limited to nobility and/or those with high spiritual energy (aka highly ranked female shinigami)

2. I headcanon that most noble women, when they get pregnant, are looked after by their own family doctors (who specialize in prenatal care), rather than the Fourth.

3. The few pregnant women that do go to the Fourth usually go during the later months of the pregnancy. So most healers aren’t nearly as familiar with the earlier symptoms. 

4. Finally, by the time the symptoms became obvious, most of the healers already had it firmly entrenched in their minds that Hisana had some kind of debilitating, incurable disease. 

P.S. Reviews/comments are the lifeblood of my creativity! I spent waaayyy too long on this lol, so I’d really appreciate hearing what people liked about it. 

#walk two lifetimes #Anonymous

[terrahistorian]

Love is Blind - Part 2

Part 1

@themoskabot, @qookyquiche, @yumikat

This isn’t quite what I had in mind for a part 2, but I enjoyed it. Hope you like it.

Adrien prided himself on his awareness. With the loss of his vision, he had to work for years to tune his other senses to pick up the slack. It didn't really replace good old fashioned sight, but it was a definite step forward. So, he forced himself to pay attention to what others willfully ignored. The sulfurous sting of construction. The overpowering scent of a crowd. The light tapping of branches on glass. The creak of old wood. The whispers behind closed doors. Every now and again, he could even pick out the hum of electricity inside his walls. All of this painted a tapestry of the world around him that would rival the old masters. So, to say he was surprised when a stranger managed to sneak up on him and tackle him to the ground would be an understatement.

And then she started screaming. And running. And apparently she dropped something made of plastic. Reaching out, he wrapped his hands arond the familiar outline of sunglasses, thick bands leading to wide oval shades. They were obviously cheaper than the pairs his father got him, their construction leaving much to be desired, but he wasn't one to complain. Remembering what she had yelled out, he took them as a gift, slipping them on with muttered thanks.

Guerrilla finally broke through his surprise, rushing to Adrien's side. With hardly a grunt of effort, he lifted Adrien off of the ground, returning his dropped cane, and normally, that would be it. This time, however, Guerrilla didn't let go of his arm. He was instead twisting it from side to side, apparently looking for something. With his guard's persistance, Adrien worried the wound on his elbow might have been worse than expected, but overall his arm felt fine. If anything, his arm felt better than before, an unnoticed pressure releasing in the fall.

Yet, he was suddenly worried by Guerrilla's sharp intake of breath. Releasing Adrien's arm, he opened his phone, navigating to Nathalie's number. After a moment, she answered with her trademark overworked tone. What always perplexed Adrien was how Guerrilla could apparently communicate in a series of grunts, even over the phone. He assumed Nathalie could understand him for the sole reason that they'd been working together for so long. So, after a series of grunts and gasps detailing the situation, Nathlie's voice rang out, yelling, "HE DID WHAT?"

0o0o0

"Oh hey Marinette, how are - Where's your mark?" Alya cut herself off, pointing at her friend's arm.

Following her arm, Alya noticed three things. One, Marinette's arm was bare. Two, her eyes were surprised, nay, aghast. Three, she was blushing with enough ferocity that she looked like a ripe tomato. Realiziation came in the form of a strangled gasp, and Marinette simply pointing to her now bare arm. From then on, Alya would be dissapointed every Christmas, for nothing could compare to the joy she felt at seeing her best friend struggle to explain that she had just found her Soulmate. Her face split in the widest grin she'd ever known, Alya grabbed her friend's wrists, and with a light tug, sent them twirling in place, giggling like a maniac. Eventually, Marinette joined in, laughing into the pavillion.

After slightly calming down, Alya finally managed to ask, "I'm so happy for you! Where are they?"

Suddenly, Marinette's face fell, looking back to the school's main gates. Putting two and two together, it honestly made sense that Marinette would run at first sight. To be faced with your soulmate, regardless of what they may look like, is a rather daunting experience. You meet a stranger, rarely under good circumstances, and fate tells you you're supposed to be together. In fact, if she hadn't literally been locked in a room when she had met hers, Alya probably would have run too. That, or Marinette just embarrased herself and got flustered.

Regardless, Alya pressed her hand to her face, muttering, "Girl, what am I gonna do with you?" Pointing to the gates, she continued, "Go get them, and make sure to apologize for running away."

With a rushed nod, Marinette ran off, leaping through the main gates. There, she saw a burly bodyguard talking on the phone, Adrien Agreste standing to the side. She also noticed that he was wearing her sunglasses, which she probably dropped in her escape. Taking a steadying breath, Marinette squared her shoulders, and mustered what resolve she had to face this head on. Marching forward, her presence was noticed by the guard, who quickly hung up the phone and glared down at her. At least, she assumed it was a glare. It was kind of hard to tell from her angle.

Clearing her throat, she managed to squeak out, "Uh, hi. M-my name's Marinette. Marinette Dupein-Cheng."

Adrien turned to her as he asked, "Um, hi. I'm guessing you're the one that tackled me?"

"Yeah, that's me." she said, sheepishly kicking the dirt, before adding, "Sorry again, for the whole... Yeah." She chuckled, saying, "Though, I guess it was fate, wasn't it? Us meeting here."

Adrien folded his arms, furrowing his brow before asking, "And why do you say that?"

"Well duh, we're Soulmates!" She said, trying to lighten the mood. However, her face fell when he looked incredibly confused.

Figuring she was an avid fan, Adrien sighed, slumping his shoulders, eventually muttering, "One day. One day where no one knows me, is that too much to ask?" Putting on his patented Bright Smile(TM), he said, "Oh, of course. Do you have something to write with? I don't have a pen on me."

Staring between his face and his outstretched hand, she finally caught on, saying, "No, no no no no, I'm not asking for an autograph. We had each others' marks!"

Flinching away when she tried to grab his hand, Adrien turned to Guerrilla, whispering, "Do something."

Panicking now, Marinette turned to the guard, saying, "Please, you saw it. Our marks faded when we spoke to each other. What, does he... Not know about them?" Realization dawning on her, she turned to Adrien, saying, "Oh my god. How long have you been blind?"

Answering on reflex alone, since every journalist in Paris had asked that question, he said, "Nine years. Guerrilla, what is she talking about?"

Her eyes widening, Marinette whispered, "Since you're coming here... Four. You were four then. You really could not remember."

"Not remember what?" He snapped.

Throwing her hands up defensively, she begged, "Please, you must remember. Did you ever see writing on your arm? Some text or word?"

Humoring her if only to speed up this conversation, he worked to remember what his arm looked like. Not really sure what he was looking for, he pictured a pretty regular arm. Although, there was one memory her words seemed to poke at. He must have gotten his hands on a marker, because he did remember something being there on his arm. It could have been words, it was just so unclear.

Trying to clear his head, he asked, "Sure, I wrote on my arm as a kid, what, you did too? That's supposed to make us Soulmates?"

Just then, a silver car pulled up in front of the school, and Adrien heard the familiar pur of one of his father's cars, the familiar click of platform shoes, and a light grunt as the driver got out of the car.

Nathalie looked over the scene in front of her. Adrien was wearing a pair of women's sunglasses, and was apparently trying to back away from a stranger. The girl, who she assumed was the one Guerrilla mentioned on the phone, was trying to reach out to Adrien, her brow scrunched in concern. Guerrilla, for his part, was looking rather taxed and confused about the whole situation. Although, there was something else in his expression. Fear? No... Regret.

Walking up to the trio, Nathalie pointed to Guerrilla as she commanded, "You. Explain."

Moving to her side, Guerrilla began whispering in her ear. Throughout the tale, her face twisted from passive indifference, to light humor, to utter shock, before landing on some combination of surprise and horror.

Caught up, she looked to the pair, whispering, "But, but that means... I always thought Gabriel had... Oh, what am I saying, of course he wouldn't..."

Worried, Adrien asked, "Nathalie? W-what's going on?"

Looking forlorn at her own Soulmark, Nathalie sighed before saying, "Adrien. There's something we need to explain. You might not remember, but you've had a mark on your arm ever since your first birthday. It was a sentence, a phrase only one person would ever say. Everyone has one, but no one really knows why they started. Many have suspected magic, but that seems a tad outlandish for me. What we do know is, whenever that sentence is said by someone with an opposite mark, they both fade, and there are no side effects. Also, that the person who said your sentence... is your Soulmate."

"... What."

Marinette added, "It's true. 'And I felt so good about Rimless today,' that was the first thing you ever said to me. I've been wondering what the hell that could mean for as long as I can remember. Did no one ever explain this?"

Adrien just shook his head, saying, "Wow. I think I need to sit down."

Marinette took Adrien's arm, thankful that he didn't shy away, and lead him to the school steps.

Once seated, he asked, "Nathalie, you have one too? And Guerrilla?"

Nathalie answered, "Yes, Adrien. Mine says, 'Drop that dog!' I guess I try to steal a dog in the future, but I gave up on worrying about it a long time ago."

Guerrilla, for his part, simply rolled up his left sleeve, revealing the words, "Are you mute too?" At Marinette's obvious confustion, he merely shrugged.

Sitting up straight, Adrien asked, "Wait a second... Was that why makeup would always put concealer on my forearm? What did they need to cover, you didn't say anything profane."

Nathalie explained, "It wasn't the content, it was the length. I'm guessing you got flustered and said everything on your mind?" She asked to Marinette. At her embarresed nod, Nathalie continued, "Of course. It was such a run on sentence that makeup reduced it to its last three words for the sake of the picture."

Rubbing his forehead, Adrien said, "Okay, but... If all that's true..." He finally faced Marinette, who had yet to let go of his hand, as he said, "... Hi."

Marinette beamed one of her brightest smiles, saying, "Hi."

"I guess we need to talk."

"Only if you want to."

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you're Adrien Agreste, and I'm just me."

"I don't even know you, and you only really know my father's name."

Nathalie cleared her throat, saying, "We'll leave you two to get acquainted." Nodding to Guerrilla, they moved to their respective cars. Far enough for privacy, but close enough to act if things got out of hand.

A hush fell over the pavillion, neither really certain where to take it from there. They each fidgeted on the steps, trying to get comfortable for what they could only assume would be a long conversation. That is, whenever it started. After the silence had grown to be an awkward one, they realized they were still holding hands, and that seemed to break the ice.

"So," they said in unison.

Adrien held up his hand, saying, "Please, you first."

Marinette took a deep breath before saying, "So. I'm not sure what to do here."

"Oh thank god, I thought I was the only one." Adrien sighed in relief, his posture falling in ease.

After a pause, she added, "That was really all I was gonna say. What were you thinking?"

"Well, I was gonna say I wasn't all that good at this." Adrien said, vaguely waving in the air.

"This whole Soulmate thing? Me neither."

Shaking his head, Adrien corrected, "No, this whole Friend thing. I've only really had one."

Confused and slightly worried, Marinette asked, "Just friends? Do... Do I need to explain what a Soulmate is?"

Waving his hand dismissively, Adrien said, "No, I get that part. Some birthmark we had told us we should marry each other. But I don't know. It doesn't really sound right that we should blindly follow that. If that does happen, if we do end up dating, I want that to be because we both want to, not because we think we need to. So, for now, friends?" With that, Adrien reached out with his unoccupied hand, as if a handshake would seal some pact between them.

Marinette blinked for a moment, thinking, "That was the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Oh my god. I'm gonna marry this boy."

Begrudgingly letting go of Adrien's right hand, Marinette shook his left, saying, "Right. Friends. Besides, I'm not sure I've got the right sole on for all that soul stuff." At Adrien's blank expression, she explained, "You know, like a shoe-”

"No, I got it." He interrupted.

Meanwhile, he was thinking, "That was one of the best puns I've ever heard. Oh my god. I'm gonna marry this girl."

#miraculous ladybug #blind!Adrien #soulmate au #long post #let's see how long we can keep these kids awkward shall we? #adrienette

[rueur]

Morning Pages #8 (12.01.2017)

Thursday 12th Jan - 7:43 a.m.

Usually I write a little over three pages, my last sentence or so spilling onto a fourth page. But yesterday, I wrote exactly three, I think because I was so close to not reaching three at all. Hopefully, today will be different. Less stop and start, and more just natural flowing work. That’s what I’m supposed to be aiming for anyway, this is supposed to be stream-of-consciousness, not a diary. I’ve been writing this like a diary and sometimes I feel like I’ve lost the point, but honestly it’s also supposed to be about what’s going through your head and what’s been going through my head recently has been my friends, and my family, my boyfriend, what I’ve been doing to keep myself occupied whilst I’ve been living in this cat-house all by myself. I’m house-sitting right now, living with two old cats and a very old goldfish.

On Saturday, Dan and I were supposed to go to the Laundry Bar but he’s been busy and let me know he couldn’t make it yesterday afternoon after I asked him. But, last night at around half past eleven, I was briefly on the phone to Ikaros and he asked if I wanted to do something with him on Saturday. I said I had plans to go to the Laundry Bar and invited him along, and surprisingly he said yes. He’s usually not one for clubbing, and although technically this isn’t clubbing, the reason I believe he’s not one for clubbing is because of the crowds of sweaty, young people, the throbbing music, and the increased availability of drugs and drug-takers. The Laundry Bar will most likely possess all these club qualities, but hopefully they’ll be playing really fantastic throbbing music and there will be adequate dancing space AND with my boyfriend there, hopefully I won’t end up making out with a twenty-eight year-old and then regretting it immensely and spending the next week trying to find out how I can get out of seeing him again without hurting his feelings.

So those are my Saturday plans, not today’s plans, and today is the day that I have woken up to live out, so I should talk about today. Today, Marcus is coming over here and we are going to be working on my script ‘Rock Pool’ to finetune it together - writer and director - and hopefully turn it into a filmable piece of work. This script has been in development for around one year now, but I only really got it up and running during that last six months of 2016, when I was taking a screenwriting subject for my degree (I’m a creative writing major). The story is very close to my own experiences, so I’m eager to see my message out there. Marcus is also a very old, very close friend of mine and I trust him eternally with anything that I give him. I’m honestly very excited for today. The apartment is a mess, however, so I’ll need to do some vacuuming before he comes over, which I’m a little hesitant about. The last time I used the vacuum, one cat vomited and the other pissed itself and it ended up creating a much larger mess than the one I had cleaned up. That, and the vacuum is apparently full and Emily instructed me on how to empty it over the phone and it all seemed both incredibly complicated and equally messy. She said I would most definitely get dust on me and then apologised for that in advance. But I need to be a good host and I don’t want Marcus thinking I like living in a pigsty, even though this pigsty must be credited to the boys rather than me. Not so much Fish, but Bruno and Romy. What slobs.

Plans to see Lauren and Jacob are also in the mix for Ikaros and I. Wait, I’m sorry. I just heard one of the cats mewling, probably Bruno. I try to wake up early to write these pages before feeding them a little after eight, but I think they’re hungry. And I don’t know how much I’ll be procrastinating today, like I did yesterday. I think I should just feed them now and come back to finishing this morning’s morning pages? I really didn’t want to stop and start today though. I don’t want to make a habit of it. My hands are hurting. I’m lying on my stomach in bed, writing this out on my laptop. I’ve been using one document on Google Drive every morning, filling it up with that morning’s entry and then the next morning, I erase the last morning to start afresh. Thus, the only record I have of my morning pages is on this blog. Which I hope falls into the hands of nobody that I know and most definitely, nobody that I’ve mentioned by name in these pages. I probably should’ve changed the names or something...

Let’s just say I have! Let’s just say I’ve changed my name too. You’re all strangers, you wouldn’t know anyway. I’m absolutely breaking the rules with publicly posting these morning pages, I know. I’m not even concerned with how many notes I get honestly, this is purely a storage solution. I have a shoddy laptop with no space, I’ve filled my Google Drive up uni/work stuff. I don’t even have Microsoft Word, so there’s not even a chance of me storing word documents on a USB or anything. This blog just made the most sense to me; and it was pre-existing too! I started this blog in Year 12, 2014, right before my exams. It was intended back then to be a diary of sorts too, a place where I could vent, let off some steam using the written word. It’s nearly 8:13 a.m.: a train is going to leave from South Morang station carrying maybe thirty or forty people. Just a thought. By the time it reaches Reservoir, that number will be upwards of one hundred, maybe one hundred and fifty. By half past, peak hour will most likely begin to dwindle away and the passengers taking trains leaving the end of the line by 9 are going to feel much less like sardines in a tin. I am kind of missing the early morning commute to make uni lectures. Grumpy and groggy, sometimes sweaty from my bike, working myself to death with a very minimal breakfast trying to make a one-hour class where nothing happens for the sake of being able to call myself a trained writer in a year’s time; that’s all I’ve ever wanted (as a Year 12 student, not just of my life generally). I’m really hungry right now.

I might just go and feed the cats now. It’s nearly twenty past eight and if I’m hungry, I can only imagine how their little bodies must be feeling. They usually snack on their meals though. If I walk outside right now and proceed to feeding them, only to find that their bowls are still rather full, I will be somewhat annoyed and consider it a foreboding omen in regards to my later plans to vacuum. Goodness, please please please do not force me to have to deal with any more cat vomit for the next ten or so days. Please! I refuse to wash that massive, shedding rug again!

The cats had eaten a fair amount of their food during the night, and had used all three litter boxes with great liberty. I cleaned them all up, filled up the gaps with whichever ones needed their gaps filled up, washed the dishes, fed Bruno his wet and dry food, and filled up Romy’s bowl. I replaced Bruno’s glass, and the small bowl of water on the balcony. Now all I have to do for the day, is give Bruno his thyroid cream (which I will do immediately upon finishing these pages), take the rubbish and recycling out. Empty out the vacuum. Vac. Then hopefully, I’ll have time to have a shower and then eat some breakfast. If all goes well. Oh, and I need to go and get some dirt from the front yard to properly repot the plant whose original pot broke on my watch. I mean, I was in the shower so not totally on my watch. But I was here and I am being paid to be here and I am being paid to be responsible. And I failed in this one tiny aspect. I really hope that that pot was of little to no value. Okay, I just gave Bruno his thyroid cream.

I wanted to do a little bit of creative writing in these morning pages from now on. I tried it yesterday and really enjoyed it, and I think it’ll help me more than just writing for the sake of writing everyday. If I get myself thinking creatively everyday, that would be more productive for me, I feel. With this last half-page, I think I’ll just...see where my mind takes me? I’m looking at the tiles in the bathroom.

In tiles arranged with zero pattern, of randomly alternating pink, white, blue and browns, there exists a cityscape. The browns stick out like mud-brick houses in bustling suburbia and the blue, like habitat corridors, are plentiful. Pinks are sparse, or fly under our radars, their delicate hue lost in this speckled sea. They’re probably parking spaces. The whites scream potential, little modes of change within which the city is allowed to alter its face with startling subtlety. The citizens only notice any change decades after that change has happened, because their stress-free lives, the very cause of their happiness, has a side-effect of making these people prone to falling static. It’s not that they can’t change, but that they simply have no need to. In a place where their surroundings change and the people do not, it’s becoming increasingly possible for select citizens to just wake up one morning and realise all these minute changes at once. Such a sudden realisation after a lifetime of blindness certainly drives these people to the brink of insanity because to them, their reality has simply just drastically changed over the course of one night. In order to combat this worsening condition of the people, the local councils have joined forces to create a new elected office whose sole purpose is to investigate these sudden bouts of realisation and paranoia. Very few government employees are yet to fall ill, and so they aren’t at all close to discovering the root of the issue. The most susceptible tend to be small business owners and their employees, postmen, tax consultants, real-estate agents, grocers, and beekeepers and their bees (cases of paranoia in Anthophila have also been on the rise). Least susceptible are classroom teachers, who in their line of work, are pre-accustomed to great change with the comings and goings of their pupils.

#spilled ink #morning pages #stream of consciousness #8 #12.01.2017

[standardstate-blog]

Still can't believe what I witnessed, but it was real.

It's been a couple of weeks now and I still can't wrap my head around what I witnessed. I went to interview for a system architect job at a place closer to home, much closer. I don't know for the rest of you, but in the Montreal area, tech jobs are almost 95% on the island but pretty much all the people working those jobs live outside the island, north or south. This is my case. I have to commute anywhere between 2 to 3 hours 5 times a week. When I say an opening about 5 kilometres from my home (about 3 miles I guess) I went nuts and submitted my application right away.  A couple of days go by and then I receive a phone call from that very place saying they want to schedule a 2 hour interview at the end of the following day. I said yes.

Obviously I discussed the whole matter with my wife beforehand, she's the one in charge of social engineering in our household! It would make a lot of sense for me to work much closer to home, for reasons that, if you have kids, I don't even need to explain. She also did some digging on her end to see what I would potentially be stepping into not 24 hours later. What she found was simply staggering. That place had accumulated award after award for being the best employer and the best place to work at for the last decade or so. They also had a 4 year (yes, you read that right, YEARS) run with 0% turnover. No resignations, only retirements. I had never heard of this place before, what the hell ? Everywhere someone was talking about that place, it was only praises and compliments.

I was thrilled to make their acquaintance and couldn't wait to the next day.

So the day after came and sure enough I got to their place of business, not a stone's throw from my house. I step in and get greeted by the nicest lady ever. She brought me water and made conversation while I waited for the director of operations to come and meet me. A tall guy in his early fifties I guess greets me with a big smile and tells me we'll start with a tour of the premises. Begins the jaw dropping experience.

So on the basement level, they have a gymnasium, like an actual gymnasium where you can play basketball, volleyball and badminton. Like we had in high school. He informs me that the employees have access to all the installations 24/7 for themselves and their families, including the other ones we have yet to visit. We continue on to what they refer to as the "bistro" and it's exactly that, a bistro with a bar, a giant screen for watching sports (they organise watch parties for the Super Bowl and World Cup), a pool table and a babyfoot table. There are lots of tables and chairs and a special poker table where they have tournaments every other Thursday. Right next to the pinball machines is an actual kitchen, with a stove and all that you would have at home like a big fridge, cupboards, cutlery, flatware, etc ...

Next, to the other level, skipping the main floor (where I presume most of the dev takes place) to the second floor. There is a complete, and I do mean complete gym, with weights, machines, stationary bikes, treadmills and a golf swing analyser station thing ( I don't know golf but with a couple of computers and cameras, that thing looked hi tech enough).  There is a physical trainer onsite during business hours. That person is an employee and her job is to encourage not only using the gym but also provides dieting advice and creates training plans. All included for all employees. On Fridays, there is a physiotherapist and a massage therapist, you know, to start the weekend on the right foot .. (sarcasm here ..). Again, all provided free of charge to all employees.

Alright, now that we left the second floor, back to the main floor, where the actual dev work gets done. We are in the second cafeteria with a magnificent view of the woods in the back. Apparently they spot deer and foxes every now and then. I then learn that they have season tickets for the Montreal Canadiens, the Alouettes (canadian football) and the Impact of the MLS. They give those away to the staff for every game with some kind of lottery. The objective here is that most who want to can to see a hockey game at least once per season. They had their old seats from the Forum on display close to the main entrance.

The bonus system was, for lack of a better word, completely nuts. Pretty much anything that is positive ends up being accounted for in the bonuses. You buy an electric car, bonus ! You get back to the gym after a couple of weeks of not going, bonus ! You have an idea for the social club, bonus ! And if that's not nutty enough, the amount that is put in the bonus pot so to speak gets distributed among all the personnel, no individual bonuses to keep every body motivated. I can hear you : "But Fred, can it get any more insane than that ? ". You bet your balls to a barn dance it can ! Check this out, they issue bonuses 4 times a year !! I haven't seen the colour of a bonus in the last decade, nor have 90% of my colleagues and friends.

But, where is the catch ? There is always a catch.

Damn right there is a catch, a massive one. And at the worst place possible, their tech.

To say their tech was medieval would be insulting to medieval tech. Good lord, they were at least 10 or even 15 years behind on some parts of their system. When they started talking about their applications and architecture, I heard expressions I haven't heard in years and years. Stuff like 'generated pages’, ‘content tables’ and ‘the server produces the html pages’. Nostalgic yet ? Their mobile application wasn’t epic either but they seemed to be on the right track because they were well aware it wasn’t. It looked like the apps on a 10 year old Blackberry Curve.

Long story short, it wasn’t looking very good for a guy that lives in 2019 and owns a colour television ...

The question that needs to be answered is this one : "How can a software company survive and make money using stuff that is about 20 years old ??". Simple : HR software. And I guess that is a good thing. Usually, the big place that require such complex, and critical software isn't interested in having to manage it so much. As long as it gets the job done and the HR people are happy with it, everything is fine. And that makes total sense. Once you have a stable version of all the calculations for the income tax in conjunction with the vacations, benefits, bonuses and 10 000 other things that need to be taken into consideration, you're not touching that code again unless you absolutely have to. I hadn't realized before speaking to those people how incredibly complicated and vast the whole HR software sphere actually is. There are so much conditions, exceptions, laws, territories and the list goes on. Plus the HR software is not something you change overnight like an email client or a browser. It is very much integrated with other systems and services and can't simply pulled out without a heavy price being paid. So if it's ugly, so be it. At least it works and does not make mistakes on employee statements. Reliability is key here.

They were talking about evolution and updating the stack, but it was more like terraforming over many years instead of a couple of months or maybe two years. And I get that, staff must be trained plus the decisions that would be taken now still need to make sense 20 years or so from now. Not a trivial task in any sense.

That all makes sense and good for them honestly. I am not coding on that, ever. So I am thankful some people want to take on that challenge. Just goes to show that coders, like any other type of person, are all different in many ways. And it's good to show the other 99.5% of places that you can actually get a lot done if you put your staff at the center of all you do. It's not a waste of time or money, on the contrary. You get so much back on your investment, it's insane! These people are more dedicated than pretty much anybody I came across between there and my home. Granted in this example, not my kind of place. But that does not invalidate the incredible things that get accomplished here from a human standpoint. A great example to follow, especially in software.

[bffhreprise]

Entry 249

 I was certain this must be what feeling high is like.  My birthday party had been completely off the hook, but partying with the fey was on a whole different level.  I felt like I was still ready to go even after an entire night of dancing, singing, and eating.  The music, as old-fashioned as it was, made me feel as if I was the lord of the dance.  There was no way I should have known the moves I was pulling, but everything seemed so natural at the time.

 A single night taught me how the strangely beautiful creatures might have lured my ancestors.  I mean, I already thought some of them were hot, but last night made everyone seem ten times as attractive.

 “What?” asked Brenna, catching me glance at her.

 I shrugged, knowing sis was excluded from that thought.  Emma, Portentia, and the twins had seemed hotter than hot.  Knowing that I didn't stand a chance with any of the beauties here killed me a little.  Even Raine, who I found unbelievably terrifying at times, had let loose last night and really showed that she knew how to have a good time.

 She caught me looking at her in one of the ballrooms mirrors, so I casually turned my head, not wanting her to think I was staring.  I honestly couldn't see myself dating her even if she was interested.  She was super pretty in a cutesy way, but knowing what her other form was like would keep me on edge around her.

 “Sorry for my ignorance, but will everyone be fine to work today?” asked James, breaking into my thoughts.  Something about him always caught attention.  “I don’t know how long the effects of your magic linger.”

He was talking to Ariadne.  She was out of my league as well, not that I was into child-like faces or old people.

 She smiled at him in a grandmotherly fashion that seemed wrong on her youthful face.  “I’m certain they’ll feel awake partway into the night.  Please accept my apologies if I’ve thrown off their sleep schedule.”

James laughed and said, “Sleep schedules get a little odd around here at the best of times.”

  “I can imagine.  Alma here…”  She gestured as she looked at Alma.  “Do you mind me calling you Alma?”

 “Not at all.  I’d hate to burden you with the names my family would put upon you.” replied Alma with a small smile.

 Ariadne laughed.   “Rumors do have a tendency to grow over the years.  I doubt you sleep much at all, given your family, but your fey blood is strong, child.  If ever you give up on the Slayer childishness, the fey will accept you.”

 I felt that I had just missed a joke, and was thankful that Brenna seemed to have missed it as well.

 Alma didn't seem to like Ariadne's reply, since her smile vanished entirely, leaving her face looking inhumanly calm.  “I appreciate the offer, but my loyalty is to my family.”

 “We are your family too.” insisted Ariadne.

 “Yes, and you claim to be Aaliyah’s aunt.” stated Alma.

 Had that been in question?  The two looked nearly identical, save for the obvious difference in age.

 Ariadne nodded and said, “I am, after a fashion.  She’s descended from my brother’s line.  I watched over all of them throughout the years, though not as closely as I’d have wished at times.  My failings…”

 “Were beyond your control, so not really failings at all.” replied Aaliyah, smiling up at her aunt.

 Ariadne smiled slightly as she poked Aaliyah’s nose.

 “Do you really want the whole story of my family?” asked Aaliyah in a teasing tone.

 Alma glanced at James before saying, “I think not.”

 Best choice.  Aaliyah’s explanations were hopelessly complicated.

 “You’ll still have it in time.” insisted Aaliyah before sticking her tongue out at Alma.

 I’d feel sympathy for Alma if I thought she could actually be forced to listen.

 Ariadne patted Aaliyah’s head and said, “You’re rude as ever, child.”  Then she stared up toward the ceiling.  “Oh.  Snow.”

 “Yes, the temperature’s been dropping throughout the night.” stated Alma.

 “Do you wanna build a snow-man?” asked Aaliyah, making snowman sound like two words.

 “I do!” exclaimed Emma as she stole Aaliyah from the cluster.  “We haven’t done that in ages.’

 “There won’t be enough accumulation for hours.” explained Ariadne apologetically.

 “Would you like to put that to a wager?” asked Alma, smiling again.

 “The sun is only going to rise higher, so I will have to sit this out.” complained Cosette, steppingstone up beside Ariadne.

 I hadn't really caught sight of her too much.  I didn't know if she used some sort of vampire power or what, but Cosette had a way of just blending into the background and surprising people when she appeared.  The girl was certainly another hottie, despite being a vampire.

 “Don’t be silly.  The clouds are plenty thick now for us to see if Alma’s correct.” argued Ariadne.

 “I don’t have your resilience.” replied Cosette.

 Alma gently touched Cosette's arm and said, “I’m sure James will help, since we’re at home.”

 “Oh.  Sure.” stated James, seeming apologetic for not offering himself.

 “Ai.  Mai.  You’re both helping.” commanded Alma imperiously.

 The twins sighed in unison before saying, “Yes, Lady Pendreigh.

 I was glad those two were fine.  I knew they were interested in Jarod, but there was something exciting about their twisted sense of humor.

 “Where will you be?  I’m already cold just thinking about snow.  I need my coat.” insisted Brenna as she hugged herself.

 Alma laughed.  “You’d be fine set for a beach.  I promise.”

 Brianna didn't seem convinced, but her frown quickly gave way to surprise.  Alma must have been doing some sort of magic on her.

 “Shall we?” questioned Alma as she took James’ arm.

 “We shall!” exclaimed Emma, bouncing Aaliyah on her shoulders.

 James smiled and nodded.  Then he looked to Cosette and said, “Tell me if you start feeling any discomfort.”

 She laughed.  “There’s always discomfort for a vampire, James.  Light burns at our skin, blood calls to our nose, and even our magic taxes us.  Still, we live to serve, and serve we shall.”

 “I thought you wanted to avoid vampire politics.” stated Alma in a teasing manner.

 Looking serious, Cosette replied “I don’t have to be political to help people.”

 “I think the brothers would like you.” commented Ariadne.

 Cosette’s serious expression changed to shock.  “I… I…  You know… them?”

 “I told them that I refused to get involved in any plotting as well, and they like me just fine.” insisted Ariadne.

 I wished I had a clue who they were talking about.  Cosette didn’t normally stumble over her words in excitement.

 “How did you meet them?” questioned Alma.  “I hear they don’t get out much.”

 “They don’t, but they arrived too late to stop an army when I was young and found me there instead.” replied Ariadne as if she were telling Alma a secret.

 “I… see.” stated Alma, seeming uncomfortable.

 “You guys are killing me here.  I’m practically bursting with spoilers.  If I wasn’t being held back, I’d be running ahead.” claimed Jarod, looking smug with the twins clinging to him.

 James laughed and said, “You look so put upon with a girl on each arm.  I’m sure your parents love your visits.”

 Jarod shrugged and grinned.  “They always knew I’d have an interesting life if I stuck around you.”

 Alma leaned against James, apparently saying something that surprised him.

 “Old lady present.” announced Ariadne.  “Don’t forget my ears have just grown sharper with age.”

 James blushed instantly, and Alma looked embarrassed before that unnatural calm returned.  I liked Ariadne.  She was the sweetest young-looking, old lady I knew.

 “I’m sorry, child.” apologized Ariadne as she laughed.  “I really should stop myself, but seeing someone in your family be so prudish is hilarious.”

 “I see.” stated Alma, obviously not amused.

 Emma and Jarod laughed the loudest.  I had suppressed mine, not wanting to get on Alma’s bad side.  I often wondered where she hid the good side, but then she’d do something nice, like helping someone out on Ancient Tribes of Earth.

 I followed the group as we made our way out to the backyard.  There were times when I felt this place was entirely too big, but I wouldn't change anything about it.  The bragging rights alone for living here were surely worth something.

 When we got outside, there was barely any snow on the ground.  Then this insane downpour of snow started from around forty feet in the air, piling up with incredible speed as if someone had turned on a giant, invisible snow blower and blasted the yard.  The snowfall stopped abruptly, leaving a good foot of snow on the ground.

 Jumping free of Emma, Aaliyah shouted “Yippee!”  Her faceplant was terrific.

 Jarod, however, seemed dissatisfied.  “But what about the…”

 One of the twins quickly covered his mouth with her finger.

 The other then said, “Lady Pendreigh, we may have mentioned to our boyfriend some of the tricks you pulled when we were younger.”

 “Would you mind decorating?” questioned the first, still covering Jarod's mouth.

 Alma sighed.  “I suppose.”

 I didn't have to wait for something to happen.  Snow shifted and ice formed, creating buildings across the yard until we had a miniature village.

 Aaliyah's sat up and gaped.  “Wow!  Auntie, I need stuff for a snowman.”

 In a flash of light, her request was answered.  Carrots, coal, scarves, hats, glasses, pipes, and other pieces appeared next to the shrimp.

 “How does she do that?” asked the twins in perfect unison.

 “I show off a bit, and you show me up in a flash.” teased Alma.

 Ariadne smiled and winked.

 I felt like I was a little boy who was about to play in the snow for the first time.  Magic had always been part of my life, but life didn't feel magical until I moved here.

#Best Friend For Hire Reprise #Best #Friend #For #Hire #Reprise #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story