#are hyper specific to me myself and i

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

I don't venture too often into human au territory, but I bestow upon thee living-in-my-head-rent-free faceclaims Kabir Bedi Asparagus and Indira Varma Jellylorum.

#i need you to understand that face claims for me exist in a vacuum and a bubble #which means like im talking kabir froms the 90s and early 2000s and Indira of right now #at near 50 #and it's like a leslie howard or john gielgud gus with a kamini kaushal as their mother #shut up jemi no on ca-i need u to understand the VISIONtm #honestly the main reason i don't venture into human au territory is because the visions that exist in my head #are hyper specific to me myself and i #extemporize back chat #it's my reality and i will pick and choose elements of time thanks

[icewindandboringhorror]

I was just thinking what a cool job this might be.. what if you were just the person who makes little still images of cute animal figurines doing various activities to post on social media...? like.. show up to work and just spend the whole day like "hmm... this table should be placed to the left a little.. let me set this miniature bagel down in this way... this tiny rabbit should be wearing a scarf", setting the backgrounds, the lighting, etc. ... dream job perhaps lol...

#I'm sure it probably doesnt pay much lol #but.. maybe in some ideal world.. #with my health and mental conditions and level of functioning there are VERY few Jobs I could actually EVER manage aside from #just being self employed and being able to set my own hours somehow etc... But every once in a while I come across something like this #and it's like... hrmm.... Yes... perhaps if I could align myself in this hyper specific scenario under hyper specific conditions in a #precise and predictable way and everything worked out perfectly and I had all the accomodations I might need.. maybe I could #do THAT thing then .. lol #Not just generally a 'social media manager' or something. I think that would drive me into the throes of madness #but SPECIFICALLY 'person who makes the images for the calico critters social media' and also #the place i have to go to do that is either my home or within walking distance of my home and also i rarely have to interact #with others aside from the posts probably going through some approval process and initial ideas where they tell me what #type of scene to make and also i somehow make $90.000 a year doing this for only 4 days a week with frequent sick breaks #dreamy sigh and so on and so forth and such and so on #ANYWAY........ #the idea of meticulously placing little pastries and miniature crayons and stuff around all day until the scene is perfectly crafted.. SO #SO so appealing to me... like designing environments in the sims except it's real and tangible.. And also imagine having access #to the FULL library of miniature items. to me that would be just as good as owning them #Like.. I get to use them and make little scenes with them and hold them and stare at them and everything except also #they're all kept at work so I don't have boxes of clutter filling home. #unlimited access to every little miniature food ever crafted yet none of the downsides (purchase cost and storage) #etc. etc. ANYWAY ... #Chuckling confidently as I add this onto the 'List Of ''Real'' Jobs I Could Do' which is just a notebook sheet of paper with only like 5 #other similarly unlikely hyperspecific scenarios scribbled down

[opera-ghost]

me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom

#and i swear it gets funnier every time! #was dying while listening to an audio today #(it was specifically nehal joshi during the il muto ballet) #(i could not stop laughing and i couldn’t even SEE him it was just his delivery) #(ugh he’s so funny i love him) #poto shitpost #also side note im about to go on a tangent #but my phantom hyperfixation runs so deep and i have so many thoughts about it #i have at least 100 posts in my drafts about it and i’m not exaggerating #they’re mostly silly memes but it’s still like an overload of posts about phantom #and i’m like. insecure about how much i think about it???? and how much of my headspace i dedicate to it???? #so i keep the bulk of the memes/random posts in my drafts because i just feel weird about posting so much #i really could post about it 24/7 if i didn’t have to be a Person with Tasks #and idk i think im just hyper-aware of how i present my interests in daily life while offline #i am someone who hyperfixates and obsesses and while i could talk about phantom for years i am terrified of annoying people with my interest #i’m worried about being perceived as weird so i kind of flatten myself to make myself more palatable for others #which has me being insecure about the things i’m passionate about and how deep that passion runs #and these feelings have bled online to the specific space i have created as an outlet for my passion #like it’s my blog i shouldn’t be censoring my love for a thing that brings me joy #but my fear of being othered is like. overtaking me. because there are many things that i can’t change about myself #that categorize me as an ‘other’ (sexuality identity mental health etc) #and this is something i can control. i can control how i portray my personality #so i flatten my personality to compensate for the other (perceived) weird things that can’t be changed #idk i just shouldn’t feel the need to do that here bc pretty much everyone on here is super passionate about something #like obsessive about it #and that’s what i love about this site with all its faults. like this is a space for people to come and Be Weird and Act Strange #and everyone just accepts it #and also the phantom community in general #why should i water down my love for phantom in the one place where people can understand it and relate to it??? #hit the tag limit but i’ve come to multiple revelations while typing this lmao

[whumpy-wyrms]

SNOW DAY TOMORROW YESSSYESYES YESYESSSSSSS AHHHHHH

#currently very excited abt that as you can tell #I GOTTA WRITE TLLR GUYS I GOTTA GET MY SHIT TOGETHERRRR #IM SO SORRY ITS TAKING SO LONG #wyrms says stuff #very very hyper all of a sudden i’m so fucking happy i don’t have school tomorrow #you know what #something i kinda did like when i first started writing tllr was making up this thing to motivate myself to write and draw tllr #called “Dew days” so kinda a play on words with due date #and by specifically calling tomorrow a Dew day #it’d make me more productive somehow and that was during the summer so literally every day was Dew day because i was excited as fuck about #tllr. so yk what tomorrow is a Dew day i am going to spend all day writing and drawing tllr because I WANT TOOO #i’ve been slacking badly. i wanna get to the good parts. chapter 12 and 13 are okay. you guys will Definitely like them but im more focused #on future chapters. so i gotta just sit down and WRITE and then… i really really wanna AHHSHGHHHH talk about the mystery character #but FDSJHHSDFJHKDFSJHH i can’t yet #anyway yeah new chapter maybe tonight or tomorrow I FUCKING HOPE

[severeweatheralert]

hello alice in borderland gang is there literally anyone else here who also has a (vague? passing? slim?) interest in industrial metal and adjacent genres because this shit is so good for Niragi related playlists

#i realize this is a hyper specific crossover of extremely niche interests however its so good man #i'd make one of those lyrics+graphics posts but I think i'd just be talking to myself at this rate #alice in borderland #niragi #come yell at me pls

[cornsobsessions]

rb and tell me what things we share

#pls enjoy my hyper specific poll about me #yes i did look at my notes of fun facts about myself that i have in my phone to make this #there are other things i could put on here but some of them felt just a little too specific and i wanted this to be specific but also relat #relatable if possible #corn rambles

[kakusu-shipping]

Fuck it, Virtue's Last Reward Self Insert Fic I thought of in the shower. Do whatever you want forever.

"If we are Termites, and our world is a beautifully constructed mound, what does that make you?"

The Anteater in the Lab

There's a man in my father's robotics lab.

He's short, with white hair and really really red eyes. I didn't know eyes could be red. I don't think they're supposed to.

He's been there my whole life. He's never changed.

He doesn't age, his heart doesn't beat, I've never seen him leave to eat or use the bathroom and he's cold to the touch.

At first I thought he was just another robot, one my father built to keep the Gaulem Bay running while he worked on more important matters

"Stay away from that thing!" My father snapped when I'd asked him about it the first time, "Don't trust it, don't go anywhere near it, you understand?"

At the time, I still thought my father had my best interest at heart, so I listened to him.

Mostly.

---------------------------

"Hello again, Kyle, Luna's not with you?"

Kyle, who'd put his babysitter Luna to a wild goose chase so he could make this confrontation alone, made sure the door was fully shut behind him before he dared to speak.

"What are you?"

The thing that looked like a man looked up from it's work on the Gaulem laying on the table, and placed it's tools down slowly. Kyle never hesitated with questions he had, in this lab curiosity was a virtue, and the one thing he'd always been rewarded for was seeking knowledge, so of course the anteater had always known this question would come, it was just a matter of when.

Kyle was only freshly 16, two years before he'd have someone to quell his loneliness, to project his need for a nuclear family onto. He'd long sense learned his father doesn't truly care for him, or long sense made such an assumption, and now that he'd reached such formative years he'd begun to act out, though only in the littlest ways behind his father's back.

This was one of those little ways.

The anteater smiled, "What a deep question. What are you, Kyle?"

"I'm human." Kyle answered, stepping heavily across the room until he was on the other end of the repair table, "Unlike you."

His words would come across as harsh to anyone else, but the thing that looked like a man had been watching over Kyle sense the Nonary Game yet to happen and all the way back to his creation. It knew him in ways no one else in this world ever would. It knew he was just being honest.

"Indeed you are. You're as human as Luna is Gaulem." The anteater hummed and reached for his tools to return to work.

Kyle, one slow to anger usually, slapped his armor covered hands on the table, "Don't avoid my question!"

The thing that looked like a man looked calmly across the table to Kyle, it gave a hum and tilted it's head.

"What do you think I am, Kyle?"

"I don't know-"

A finger placed over the part of Kyle's mask where his mouth would be, "Don't give me that. A good scientist always has a theory. Even if it's wrong, I want to hear your thoughts first."

Kyle's face flushed under his mask ever so slightly as he stepped back. He then placed his hand to his chin and thought, before answering, "When I was little... I thought you were a Gaulem, like Luna, put to work to make other Gaulems..."

The Anteater walked around the table and sat himself on Kyle's side, mimicing Kyle's pose, "A good thought. It'd explain my lack of aging and need for nutrients. But,"

"But," Kyle picked up, shifting his weight, "You're cold, whereas Luna is warm, and has a pulse. Plus, according to my father, he specifically made the Gaulems incapable of self repair, so it'd make sense that they couldn't build new Gaulems as well."

The thing gave a chuckle, ""He" made the Gaulems incapable of self repair, hm?"

Kyle blinked for a moment, then shared in the humor of his own statement. He'd learned a long time ago his father had virtually nothing to do with the creation of the Gaulems. Robotics and Bioengineering were entirely too far removed for one man to do both.

No, the real genius of the Gaulems, the AI that ran the facility, and even Kyle's suit was the Not Man sitting before him. His father just laid claim to these creations.

"What else might I be?" Asked the Not Man, crossing one leg over the other.

Kyle thought, his other Hypothesizes were far from perfect, "Well... We are on the moon. While never scientifically proven, space is near infinite, and I would not be surprised if you were some form of extraterrestrial."

"That would explain my advanced intelligence." The man confirmed, "Though I do look a bit too human, don't you think?"

"I would assume to blend in with other humans," Kyle suggested, tilting his head.

"But the only humans in this facility are your Father and you, and you both figured me out right away. Why would I not shed my disguise at that point? Or simply leave?"

Kyle hummed in thought, he could Maybe and What If this train of thought forever, but based on the resistance he was getting from the topic, he could only assume he was on the wrong track.

"Then... You're like my father, an esper who traveled through time to help him with his work."

The Not Man smiled and leaned back, "You're on the right track, but not quiet. If I was from your father's original time here to help him, wouldn't he be more accepting of me?"

Kyle thought back to the first time he'd asked about the man in the Gaulem Bay, and the sharp way his father had responded. He thought about the times he'd only been passing by and he'd heard his father yelling behind closed doors at this not man for interfering.

"Then you're here to... stop him?"

"Would he let me stay if I was?"

Kyle shook his head, he looked rather lost now.

"Not to mention, espers are still human. Your father may not act like it, but he is just as human as you. He needs to eat, and sleep, his heart beats and aches and flutters same as yours."

"Unlike you..." Kyle trailed off and placed his hand to his chin, thinking again.

When he was young he'd remembered reading about Zombies and Vampires, fictional undead creatures in horror stories that felt cold as the dead and who's hearts never beat. That seemed highly unlikely to be true, but it was about all he had left.

The not man stood up, he reached up and removed Kyle's helmet, as he'd done every time Kyle would visit him, and patted him on the head. His hand was cold. It was comforting. It was all Kyle had.

"What I am is something that cares very deeply for you, Kyle. Why I came here, why I help your father, it's because you are very very important to me." The cold hand moved to Kyle's cheek, "Is that enough of an answer?"

Kyle leaned into the touch of the one thing that cared about him most in the world, even if it wasn't human, it loved him. And he loved it.

"For now..."

#Emile's Writing #Self Insert #Self Insert Fanfic #Proship Selfship #Kyle Klim #K #Vitrue's Last Reward #Based on the uncanon ending where Akane addresses The Player as a canon entity in the world #Because the Nonary Games are VERY hard to self insert in to #The amount of characters is very limited on purpose and can't be added to #And replacing someone is very difficult as they all take very hyper specific roles and are usually interconnected between games #So I decided Fuck It. 4th Dimension entity it is #To play with Sigma's analogy #If they are Termites and the Game they live in is the Mound #I am the anteater that tears their world open and takes the best parts all for myself #I possessed a corpse and came to the moon because I saw Virtue's Last Reward and decided I would be there for Kyle #Sigma does NOT like me but that's because I made him experience all the endings in VLR even the unnecessary ones #To preserve the cycle I do erase myself from everyone's memory when the game starts #So Kyle does still have his lonely childhood backstory and his co-dependence on Akane #They're sort of false memories #That's the concept anyway #Thankyou for reading if you did I Apologize for going ham about K I love him he deserves better #And I will be that better for him

[soldez]

i always have these ideas for really long insanely ambitious comic projects but nothing ever becomes of them because i don't have any sort of creative partner or even beta reader to bounce ideas off of who gets it or is half as enthusiastic about the madness as i am

#i wish i had an enthusiastic naturalist friend to help me develop grounded fictional pseudoscience #or zoologist or just about anything ologist to be honest #even someone to say 'that makes sense' or 'what if xyz' or 'here's how i imagine that scene' #but unfortunately this project is catered hyper-specifically to myself and no one else on the planet

[pussy-ache]

i always get made fun of for bringing my pillow along with me but if i’m not going to be sleeping in my own bed i will at the very least have my own pillow

#my pillow is a very specific cool gelled memory foam pillow thats not even made anymore #i haven’t been able to feel safe sleeping next to another person since i was a kid … even people who i KNOW i am safe with #my body is hyper vigilant and i can never let my guard down. i NEED my pillow at the very least #plus 3 melatonin. that’ll do it #i need to feel something #this is what it takes for me to pretend to be normal and why i never let myself get laid anymore. this takes too much energy for me #i hate sundays #i’m exhausted #but i just need to feel something #funny how i get made fun of for the pillow but the smell of my shampoo on my pillowcase was appreciated #can’t have it both ways

[dadrielle]

I'm a college librarian. A week ago I had a guy come in and ask me for a book about a culture. "What culture?" "Any culture. I have to write an essay." A coworker and me spent two hours a few days ago going through old magazines trying to find where the mold smell is coming from. The most common reference question I'm asked is "Why isn't the printer working?" I love my job but it's way less 'glamorous' and less book-y than people think!

Solidarity from the public library side, friend. Love that the vague reference question that just isn’t-even-wha- they-are-actually-asking-for-at-all comes to every sort of library. Like yeah. Sometimes my job is picking up dead birds that flew into the window with a shovel and throwing them into the ditch, or telling a child they can’t climb the shelves, or helping an little old lady find where they need to type yahoo.com to get to their email, then telling her no actually you really CAN’T sign in if you don’t remember your password and have no way of recovering it, I’m sorry. I too fight the printer a large portion of the time.

I get to do a lot of fun stuff on the programming side and I love getting to be helpful, but it is. SO not the book heaven people think, lolololol.

#thing is that I actually love customer service when I'm in a place #where customer abuse is not tolerated #and the hours and pay and benefits aren't starvation level #I get to be in hyper controlled social interaction that gives me a specific predetermined roll to play? #hell yeah that's way better than most social interactions I can be Helpful and Talk to People #but also most of those interactions are short and don't require me sharing about myself #ideal #if that sounds Bad to you don't work in a library #librarian feelings

[genderfreakxx]

Deeply genuine question, does anyone else feel Insane Crazy Hyper Feminine in presentation specifically on the week that is or would be your typical period week?

#I’ve been on t for a while now and it’s still a pattern I notice #I don’t often genuinely seriously want feedback on my personal posts (although it’s always welcome) but this seriously baffles me #I’m pretty gender queer in my gender in general but the older I get and the more I learn about myself the more I recognize that it’s really #only like a week out of every month or so (give or take a few fruity days here and there) where I really feel super feminine #and I am pretty damn sure it’s synced to my period cycle??? incredibly dysphoria inducing yes but I’m not 100% mad at it? #I have fun with hyper femininity but my baseline is something that can definitely be considered more masculine on average #also related‚ I’ve recently embraced gender fluidity as a part of my over all anti-binary existence #I feel really notable switches that come seemingly randomly outside of the few I feel specifically where I believe my cycle would be #and even when I miss a t dose and I do end up relapsing into having a period it seems to line up #and I don’t think it’s ??? like??? a bio-essentialist thing at all? my body and brain just does this??? and I really really wanna know #if any other gender queer folks have this experience #I don’t trust a google search to give me anything other than gender essentialist bullshit though #would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this! b #accidental b* #blithering on #gender #gender queer #genderqueer #nonbinary #transmasc #transmasculine #ftm

[threadsun]

Gonna be real with you the gender studies degree made it MORE complicated for you probably. (This is not a bad thing)

I tend to go with vagina-haver or penis-haver myself tho if I'm angling for a specific genital setup ngl.

Yeahhhhhhhhh 😔 ngl so many of my professors in that degree were terfs who didn't know what intersex people were that I have like... an instinctive contrarian reaction to these things. And I've done so much research into sex and gender and sex assignment and the language used around them that my brain feels like a fried microwave when I try to come up with a simple answer for my silly fun blog that is meant to be stress free.

I absolutely prefer part-specific language like... in general. Just in general life, I think it's more important when talking about sex (the body configuration, not the act) to reference specific parts than to try to use gender language to describe it. Amab and afab come with all sorts of assumptions about the body that are often untrue for intersex people or trans people who have had surgery or disabled people whose disabilities altered their primary or secondary sex characteristics or hormones. And like, probably also a bunch of other people I'm forgetting too. Because people are complicated and the medical ideal of what a perisex cisgender man and woman look like don't account for a significant percent of the population.

But yeah, like ideally people would specify pronouns/gender/body parts if they care about any of those and want something specific. But then there's also the inherent idea that someone with a penis won't have breasts, for example, when plenty of bodies have both. Or the assumption that someone who has a penis also has a pair of testicles, or someone with a vagina doesn't also have a penis or clitoromegaly, or that they haven't had medical intervention (consensual or nonconsensual) to change sex traits. It's messy!! It's all so messy and confusing and we don't have the right language for it to be concise and clear because our whole language was developed by a society that actively wants to pretend these variations don't exist and/or make sure they don't exist.

And this doesn't take into account the innate assumptions that have to be made to write a reader insert story with any level of detail. Assumptions about the number of limbs someone has, whether or not they have hair, whether or not they can walk and talk and hear and see. But if you completely scrub a reader insert story of anything that might make an assumption about the reader, then what are you left with? Nothing worth reading, that's for sure.

Idk idk sorry I think I might just be going a lil insane tonight? That scrupulous OCD is hitting hard. But yeah, my brain feels like maybe its exploded a little or possibly been submerged under water.

#sunshine #asks #sorry about this I'm just a lil bit crazy :3c #only a tiny teensy itsy bitsy little bit mentally ill #I'll probably just ignore the requests that specify these things until my brain isn't running in circles like a chimpanzee with rabies #*through gritted teeth* this is a FUN blog I do for FUN and it DOESN'T MATTER if it's not 100% inclusive of everyone all the time #99% of the time I'm like 'I write for myself first and everyone else second so it doesn't matter if not everyone can relate to it' #and then 1% of the time I'm like 'actually if I'm not inclusive of everyone all the time then I shouldn't be writing at all' #that 1% is the little rabid chimp in my brain that's biting through the wiring and I know it #which is worse cause I'm shaking my brain going 'WE KNOW WE'RE BEING CRAZY SO MAKE IT STOP' and it Doesn't Stop!!! #contrary to what it may seem I do actually love writing reader insert #it just makes me a lil nuts sometimes when the rabid brain chimp comes out to play #maybe I'll just make every reader insert from now on hyper-specific to my own experiences #I'm joking but it Would save me a lot of chimp wrestling

[iambeees]

#hyper specific meme that only i will find funny #i just had to do it #no i will not explain myself #yes i know it doesnt really make sense #that just makes it funnier to me #beren and luthien #huan #tolkien #lotr #the hobbit #silmarillion #the silmarillion #the silm fandom #lotr memes #im so sorry

[rowanhoney]

ok the first time I watched s1 of the sinner I was not able to cope with what I experienced as triggering material. but now watching it from a healthier place it’s kinda healing

#this is hyper specific to both catholic and heroin based trauma and also some other stuff #like strange very specific stuff #I can relate to probs about 4 major aspects #which first time I watch made me spiral #but now I see it. and I see this woman have a horrible trauma response. which I’ve never experienced to that extent #but I have experienced absolutely losing myself in some sort of ptsd break #I say that loosely bc the nhs is too useless to diagnose me with anything #but if the mere reminder of certain people existing #has me lose all sense and control of myself #I reckon there’s smth up there #and obvs like in the characters case like if ur trauma triggers you to take a life you did still take that life #but it was healing to see someone fight for a survivor #fight for her story #and make sure she got her own justice #trauma tw #abuse tw #drugs tw #sorry idk what to tag this with #I’m just feeling things

[toybutchboy]

It's a very odd position to know that you're only desirable under very specific conditions to very specific groups of people

#like before I came out being undesirable to men was such a relief. I've never had to experience that kind of attention and I'm grateful #but now I'm lesbian spaces and whatnot I'm still not. enough I guess. I'm so much happier with my body and my mind- like I feel fantastic. #most of the time el oh el #but I struggle with the fact that I've found myself #in a subsection of gay stuff that still leaves me as a non desirable person to the majority of people #I love being fat but I'm not like. cute fat. so already I'm fat removed from most gay shit lol. but then being butch and THEN being b4all #and switch who prefers bottoming like. I feel like I'm stuck just waiting for the hyper specific group of people who want someone like me #I've forced myself to be a way more go-gettem kind of person then I am naturally because otherwise I feel like I'd never get any attention #that isn't dictinctly negative and or unwanted lol #um anyway lol who said that

[tiredwiredanduninspired]

“if a guy can’t say he’s gay, that means he ain’t sure he is”

ok maybe he’s bi, or pan, or just doesn’t want to label himself which is what he said

like this boy is 13 and just trying to have fun with his boyfriend- why are you trying to force labels on him?

#*ramblings #the fosters #jude adams foster #yes i’m on the gay dance episode #yes it’s upsetting me #why is everyone so dismissive of jude’s sexuality #like i don’t like labelling myself #been there done that #didn’t like it #i don’t need a hyper specific label to describe myself #i know i’m abstract what i could use #but i prefer to just say #i’m a guy that’s open to dating anyone #most specific i will get is #i’m a pan guy that uses he/they pronouns #i could go on a whole rant about this #maybe later i will #but this is long enough for now