#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector
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no bc they rlly got me with that “do you remember what he did to you? I was there” bc up to this point no one has been genuine about the abuse. They’ve used it in power plays, in weird psychosexual soliloquies, everytime someone else’s experience of abuse has been brought up it’s been transactional. Say sorry because you neglected Connor, feel an emotion because you hit Roman. But stewy… man! It was just this one last Hail Mary to get Kendal OUT. And the only way kendal knew how to respond to probably the only non-transactional ‘normal people’ exposition of abuse was trying to get his own transaction to go through while offering nothing in return because stewy showed his hand and Kendall knew he wanted Nothing but Him.
#succession#kenstewy#yeah.#I get why they took that line out#it doesn’t feel like succession at all#not the right vocabulary not the right tone not the right jargon#but it would have been So great had they kept it in#just this one genuine plea that doesn’t even sound like it should be in the show#before as we all know hell breaks loose tomorrow#just this ONE time#and it didn’t work#the fact that this was in some fucking variety ? idk which magazine interview#this is what happens when you give Middle Easterns representation actually#they rock ur world#here is a secret I appreciated succession like I appreciate any good media#e.g the first 3 seasons of breaking bad#sort of an undeniably well made thing#but they put an Iranian on screen and he gave an unhinged interview and now….#crazy thing is I’m not even saying any of this with the homoerotic subtext we all love#the kids to adult childhood friends trope where they witnessed each other’s abuse and now they want to run the fucking world#that.
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spinel: passion, devotion, longevity
#man. just. man#i might make these drawings a series with the explorers?#idk#anyways i started thinking this one up before the newer episodes#but i think it's still pretty appropriate#i think the whole eye taunt might have been more fitting for coral?#i think that's her name#but it still works for spinel ig#i tried to make him look a little more ominous compared to amethio#i really like spinel#at first it was just bc he's a competent and scary villain and very fun#and also the type of guy i love to hate#but seeing more of him and seeing other's thoughts about him have made me really like him!!#i have so many thoughts#but i'll leave that there#it's getting late and i should sleep#pokemon presents tomorrow!!! yippee!!#shark's scribbles#pokemon#pokemon horizons#pkmn#art#fanart#pokemon fanart#spinel#spinel pokemon#pokeani#anipoke
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it's 2023 and drm is asserting boundaries against nsfw and truthing/shipping. how did we get here from 2020
#overall im glad the video was made. i still have a doubt on one thing#i wish his account where he posts actual stuff wasnt private i cant find this one tweet im looking for bc it was someone else's screenshot#and idk where they went so i have no way of confirming this tweet augh#but regardless. there are other things i wish he had addressed. but i guess they werent serious enough for this video#but then again he addressed a few things that were trivial in the scope of the topic lol#so idk :/ there were a few things i thought he wouldnt bring up that he actually did tho#was nice to have clarification on those#still not a big fan of his im just glad to hear that at least some of those things werent true#still need to come to my own conclusion on one thing i need to find something first tho#again. i'd rather him just be someone i dont like than to be someone who hurts other people#chat#i need to go to bed but i wanna dig around so bad...#but i work tomorrow i should like. be productive KJGHF
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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
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I’m homeeeee man it feels so good to have Charlie’s hoodie on again ❤️❤️❤️
#I was so bummed to take it off lol#I rly need it too like I’ve had a really busy morning and now I’ve gotta do hw before I can have fun#so I’d rly like to make an always Charlie set but I think I have at least an hour of hw to do#I guess that still gives me time to make one but I should rly nap too#I wanna make sure I’m rested enough for class tomorrow#idk tho; I should probably finish my work and then decide how I wanna spend my time!#all I know is that I’m gonna spend all my free time with Charlie ❤️#cuz he’s still on the forefront of my mind like.#you’d think that after a whole night of thinking about him nonstop#and then dreaming about him all night#I’d have very little thoughts to have. but the opposite is true. I have so many ahdjfl#ren speaks#renlie
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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
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"make me"
prompt: "make me"
whumpee: illya kuryakin
fandom: the man from uncle
here is Another illya whump fic this month...i can't stop lmao. anyways i am super happy with the way this fic turned out! i hope you like it :) also notes it's set really soon after the movie and is pretty solidly pre ship napoleon/illya but i don't know that it Has to be read that way, you feel me?
After Istanbul, the newly-formed UNCLE team had traveled to London, riding the high of a mission gone perfectly right. In no small part thanks to this fact, both the CIA and KGB had deigned to allow their respective agents to remain under Waverly’s employ for a while longer. This would mean, Waverly had explained, that all three agents would relocate to London and report directly and firstly to him.
Illya had not been so sure about this. Being a KGB agent under British control could either go very wrong or very right, with the outcome depending very little upon Illya himself.
But orders are orders. In this business, there is no such thing as making a choice. And so Illya (along with Solo and Gaby) had moved to London a week ago.
It is…nice. The building. The neighborhood. He is not sure that he likes it, exactly. But it’s nice.
What is less nice is that Solo and Gaby live here, too. On different floors, but still. He cannot help but feel that it is a bit foolish for Waverly to house all of his agents in one place. Especially when two of those agents are constantly knocking on his door and inviting him to dinner or drinks or to play a game of chess.
They work together, this is all. And only barely. They are not friends. It is not a good idea to become too…involved with each other.
Not that it stops the other two from trying.
--
Illya wakes to someone pounding on his door. The pounding echoes around in his head and makes it very difficult to hear the voice shouting to him.
“Peril? You alive in there?” are the first clear words he hears.
He sits up slowly. His head is still pounding and feels sort of like it’s been stuffed with cotton. He’s sweaty but he’s cold. His chest aches. He’s tired even though he only just woke up.
He’s sick.
It’s fine.
He is used to working through minor discomforts. Bruised ribs, a broken ankle, the flu, his mother’s death. Spy work stops for nothing.
He gets out of bed and has to grab the edge of the nightstand to keep from falling to the floor. His legs ache like he’s just run a marathon. His head spins.
He’s fine.
He half-staggers to the front door, looks through the peephole on the off chance that Solo has decided to leave him alone, then reluctantly opens the door when he sees his new partner standing there looking like he has no intention of leaving.
“What,” he says flatly, standing in the doorway so that Solo won’t consider himself invited inside.
Solo pushes past him anyway. “I brought breakfast,” he says, by way of greeting. Illya looks at his hands, which hold a paper bag.
“Why,” Illya says, in the same flat voice. He’s aware he’s not being very hospitable, but can’t be bothered to care. What is Solo doing here, anyway?
“Because you’ve been avoiding doing things with Gaby and me, and while I get the whole ‘lone wolf’ thing you've got going on, it’s not exactly good for team morale. So I brought bagels and I’m not leaving until we’ve eaten them.”
Illya, sensing that he doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter, pulls the door closed behind Solo.
“Where is Gaby?” he asks.
Solo raises an eyebrow at him. “At training. Waverly told us yesterday.”
Oh. He does remember that, actually. It must be the fever interfering with his memory. He needs to focus. Breakfast might help with that, he supposes reluctantly.
Solo finds his way to Illya’s small kitchen table on his own. “The layout of all of our apartments is exactly the same,” he observes. “Where’s the fun in that? I think I need to do some rearranging.”
Illya hums in response and settles down into a chair. Solo opens the bag and passes him a bagel filled with cream cheese. Illya stares at it. It makes him hungry and nauseous in equal measures.
Solo takes a bite of his own bagel and stares across the table at Illya. “What, don’t tell me you don’t like bagels,” he says, mouth full.
Illya half-reluctantly begins to eat.
The bagel, annoyingly, is delicious. Of course it is. Solo gives him a self-satisfied look.
“So,” he says. “What do you like to do for fun?”
Illya blinks long and hard. What kind of question is that?
“I play chess.”
He sets the bagel down. He does not think he can eat any more.
“Besides that,” Solo prods, already halfway done with his food.
He can’t think of anything. He’s tired. His stomach hurts. He wants to be left alone.
“Hey,” Solo says, and there’s a different note in his voice now.
Illya looks up at him, resisting the impulse to rest his head on his hands.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Illya continues staring. He should lie and say yes, like he has done every single time someone has asked him this question in the past twenty years.
Something prevents him from saying a thing.
Solo is touching him. There’s a hand on his forehead. He hadn’t registered the movement. He instinctively moves backwards from the touch, nearly falling out of his chair.
Solo’s next to him, then, hands on his shoulders. It takes Illya an uncharacteristically long amount of time to realize that Solo’s hands are very likely the only thing preventing him from hitting the ground.
“Are you okay?” Solo asks again. “And don’t even think about saying yes. I can feel you burning up through your shirt.”
“Go away,” Illya mutters, feeling too bad to even care about how petulant he sounds. He just wants to be left alone. He wants to sleep. Everything feels bad.
“Not happening. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Illya says nothing. Solo sighs beside him, his breath uncomfortably warm on Illya’s skin.
“Alright, I’m leaving,” he says.
That is…unexpected. Not that Illya is going to complain.
“Goodbye.”
He watches Solo leave, not satisfied that he’s actually going until the door clicks behind him.
Illya shoves himself up from the table and shuffles across the floor to lock the door. Then he stumbles to his bedroom and flops down onto the bed, not bothering to close the door or even climb under the covers.
He’s asleep in seconds anyway.
--
He wakes up freezing. Something is touching him on the forehead. Something cold and damp.
He opens his eyes. It’s pleasantly dim in his room. He’s covered by a blanket, but it feels different to his own. It smells different, too. Like…
“Good morning. Or afternoon, really.”
Solo.
Illya struggles to sit up. The thing on his forehead slowly slips off, leaving a trail of dampness down his face. It lands on the not-his blanket, revealing itself to be a washcloth that is also not his.
“You feeling any better?” Solo asks. His voice is strangely quiet. Illya does not like it. He does not understand why Solo is here.
He cannot honestly answer yes to Solo’s question, however. He’s dizzy from sitting up. His head still aches. For that matter, so does the rest of his body. The nausea is less prominent than it had been before, but it’s still irritatingly present. He feels awful. He isn’t supposed to, but he does. There’s a pressure building in his head, centered behind his eyes. He closes them in hopes of alleviating it.
“Peril?”
“Please leave,” Illya says. His voice is far too quiet and shaky, but at least it’s working. He wants to be left alone. He does not know how else to suffer.
“You’re still too hot,” Solo says in response, pressing a hand to Illya’s forehead. “Sit up a little bit?”
For some unknown reason, Illya listens. Solo shoves a pillow behind his back. Illya leans against it, propped up at a much more comfortable angle. Solo replaces the horribly cold, wet cloth.
Illya really does not understand this. How is Solo even here? How did he get inside? Hadn’t he locked the door? And why is he here? Can’t he leave Illya to be miserable in peace? Why does he care? Even if they are partners now, they’re not friends. Solo has no reason to care for him like this. He can’t…he doesn’t know what to do with it.
“Stop…caring about me,” he half-growls, his voice stronger than it has been all day.
He hadn’t intended for it to come out quite so snappish and rude. It’s just. He doesn’t understand. No one has cared for him when he’s been sick or hurt since he was a small child. Only small children really need to be cared for, anyway. He’s an adult. This concern Solo has for him is overwhelming. It’s confusing. Inexplicable.
“Make me.”
There’s that already-familiar look of stubborn determination on Solo’s face. Illya gets the feeling that the only way he can make Solo stop is to knock him unconscious.
He definitely doesn’t have the strength.
“Okay. You can stay.”
Solo grins. Illya doesn’t think he’s seen Solo smile like this before. It’s…open. Simple. There’s nothing else behind it, no ulterior motive. And Solo is giving this smile to him?
He still doesn’t understand.
“Why?” he asks. His voice comes out far too broken and weak.
“Why am I here? Because I care about you, you idiot.”
“Why?”
Solo looks at him, a bit helpless. “Because you’re here,” he offers, after a moment of silence. “You’re sick, you’re my partner, you’re a person. Of course I care about you. Why shouldn’t I?”
Illya blinks. The pressure behind his eyes is back. His throat hurts. Solo’s hand is in his hair. It’s gentle, comforting. Illya shouldn’t like this. Shouldn’t want it.
But he does.
He leans into the touch, just a bit. His eyes slip closed. He stops thinking about what he should and should not want.
He has this. Even if he still doesn’t quite know why.
He falls back asleep with Solo’s hand still in his hair.
aaaa thank you for reading this!!! went a little insane writing it (in a very good way). yeah i am. i really liked writing this. i hope you enjoyed reading it!!
#whumpmasinjuly#my writing#i say things#the man from uncle#illya kuryakin#sick#fever#cared for#comfort#anyways i had a lot of fun with their characterization in this one bc it's so early to the start of their partnership#i loved just shaking them around in my little shoebox you know?#especially illya. i just. i love him so much and idk i Get Him you feel me? like not in the way of perfectly understanding his character or#anything. i just. get it. idk. but yeah he's always rotating in my brain like a rotisserie chicken#ok i gotta go now i am so tired#but i have the day off tomorrow! wahoo#gonna be totally unproductive while telling myself 'hey you should do all the stuff you put off bc you had work' lmao
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i was talking with my dad because i don’t really understand a lot of things in my computer engineering class, and my dad has a degree in computer engineering. he said i should try to meet with the professor. i told him that the exam is in the morning, and he was like oh people usually start studying more than a day in advance. like first of all, i did not start studying today. second of all, did he miss the part where i’ve been severely depressed for the last like month to the point where im going to have to take incompletes in all (except maybe one) of my classes??
#im really not ready for this exam because it's on the three modules that i have not done the assignments for#my professor said i can take an incomplete to finish those assignments but i should take the exam tomorrow#i know that it's impossible for me to fail this class even if i get a zero on the exam and those 3 missing assignments#but i was getting a very high A for the entire semester so that would suck#anyways im just really upset about what my dad said about me not starting studying early enough#i think he just assumed there was more time before the exam based on how little i knew.#like i have actually done a good bit of school work the last few days which is a huge improvement from the previous several weeks#my parents don't know about me being suicidal but they know that im really depressed#he probably wasn't thinking when he said that but it still hurts#the last exam i took i only answered one question because i couldn't think about anything other than hurting myself#idk what im doing#im so pathetic#this is ridiculous#am i just faking it? i got a 90 (well above the mean) on an exam from the same day as the exam i just mentioned#i have barely been able to get myself to do anything in weeks because i just have no energy and my thoughts and movements are slower#and because whenever i would try to think or focus my thoughts would drift and i would end up thinking about killing myself#and imagining killing myself all these different ways. i still am having these thoughts almost constantly so it's hard#i just want to kill myself. it's practically all i can think about.#so i would say im doing pretty well considering all of that#tw: suicide mention
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btw i didnt come back online bc im finished with my homework its actually going horribly in fact
#i mean. i did practice bass and wash my sheets and got a lot of work done on one of my assignments#so i should be able to finish it tomorrow in not too much time#so thats 3 of the things i said i was gonna do.#but i also wanted to finish the sketch for my obs drawing final and it just. is not anywhere close is it.#basically. im stuck. its bigger than anything ive done in a while and i just cannot fill the space for the life of me. and everything i try#adding in doesnt work#rureghaghdksahg#its stressing me out a bit bc if the sketch is taking me this long idk like i dont think the final drawing will take as long but i also jus#dont know for sure how long it will take me and i want to have some wiggle room bc this is. the final. like that prof is v chill but#he has to yk submit grades at the end of the semester like i cant just have infinite time#gah. okay im gonna try one more thing and then im going to bed regardless of if it works or not k goodnight#zem diary
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...
#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
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one of these days my dad is gonna realize what my school schedule is in the meantime he will continue to exist adjacently to me and never in the same space
#guy who brags constantly about me getting into my program and didnt realize th school im going to is like good#until he told one girl and she recognized the name and freaked out#and now he wont fucking quit with it#meanwhile: keeps complaining its gonna get real old driving me to school and please please learn to drive#i have class. 3 days a week. technically 2 bc one class is online and i only go in that day really late in the afternoon lmfaoooo#does he know this. no not at all. has actually not asked a question about what im gonna be doing#instead keeps worrying i have no future and keeps asking what career i want to go into and also is it animation its animation right#why not animation... oh well maybe you can transfer into animation later : )#yeah ok. sure. why dont i transfer into animation so i can fucking smash a brick into my skull#screaming and dying he needs to go back to forgetting i am real he is paying too much attention to goings on now#idk how to relax and everything is coming up now and i feel like im dying slightly lmao. sitting at my desk working all weekend#working on what. who knows bc i hurt my shoulders too bad to do anything real. stressing myself out further for nothing#dies and explodes i should be excited and be doing fine but well lmao. lmao. i will probably feel better when i go in tomorrow#i dont know man ptsd brain is like nothing good can happen for long! standby for the other shoe to drop#and well it sure is coming to a head now bc getting in would be really. really good. so ofc the other shoe will drop right#i know it wont but my brain doesnt know that so fear sits in my whole body all day all night stress dream city baby#vent#ig#dies and explodes
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In my job performance review today my boss told me I need to speak to my coworkers with more tact, and consider how things might sound before I say them. Sir I'm autistic. I don't understand tact.
#he did not provide me with examples so i really have no clue what couldve prompted that#he said no one complained about me#so why do i need to speak more tactfully??#i mean in general thats not a bad idea#accidentally told a friend hes not special when i meant to mean that hes not alone in an experience#so yes. tact may not be my strong suit. i should probably think before i speak#but i dont know ehat prompted him to say it! especially since i dont work with him often#i will not learn tact. out of spite#in fact i will be less tactful when speaking to him#why am i like this#i sincerely dont know how to speak more tactfully tho#in my head it sounds fine so idk how to fix it#but really idk why i got docked points in ny review for needing to speak to my coworkers better#im not actually salty. but im a little salty#gonna try to wake up at 8am tomorrow. wish me luck#i love yall
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i stayed after school but im leaving already. some random kid showed up and was there for a while so it wasn’t a good time really. and when i only get to stay after until 3:30 it hardly makes anything better than going home. i just feel bad for imposing myself
#i don’t want to go home#i should have told my mom to pick me up at 5#this is nothing. why did i even bother#idk. me and my teacher talked about this summer and how im going to be trying to work a lot#he says i shouldn’t overwork myself like that. and i said i need to if i want to go to college#and he said that i shouldn’t even be trying to pay for college tuition and what i should be focusing on is money for living expenses in my#sophomore and junior and senior years. he says i should only do room and board for one year#and i should be saving for apartment expenses later down the line and don’t even think about paying off tuition until way after i graduate#and he said the universe will always provide. idk if im very convinced about that one#anyway we talked about that a little and then i brought up how im not good at keeping up with school#and he ended up saying i should probably work on my one assignment#and so i did and now im almost done. and somewhere within there some random kid showed up he had my teacher last year i think? or something#and im not good at talking when there’s more than one people in a room with me and so i just did my homework and was quiet#and my teacher started going home at 3:30#so now im here. i left the classroom and now im just at school#since i don’t have a ride here yet. im not sure when my mom is gonna come get me#probably soon. and we have to get groceries on the way which i don’t really want to#but whatever. she’s giving me a ride#anyway i didn’t tell mr h about my concerns about the summer#i might still bring it up sometime. but i cant stay after tomorrow#and then it’s the last week of school and im really nervous about it being the last week of school#i want to go home but i don’t have the kind of home i want to go home to!!!!#and i don’t know what to do and that’s why im stuck like this#my mom is on her way to pick me up so i’ll be leaving soon#but yeah. idk. staying after was good i guess but i just don’t want to go home#im so scared of not having this option anymore
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Cupid keeps showing up in my dreams Ima chase him with a broom
#like SHOO SHOO ill draw you soon akqnsow#in one dream he was giving instructions on how his art fight profile should look 💀#im gonna forget but ill try to go with what i had#i need to give his design a glowup and work on their story#they’re definitely keeping their antennas head wings and horns though! and split hair#i need to hush and get my server finished up#it opens up tomorrow but idk if ill post it here kasnkw#im scared of certain people joining :C#and raids. I’ve had bad experiences with raids in other servers#woah I got off track#>rangers rambles
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#having A Time tonight#super very emotional talk with my dad and sister#said some things i shouldn't have and im regretting saying anything at all#i really should have just apologized and shut the fuck up#instead i got the knowledge that i cannot tell my dad anything in confidence#and tgat even my siblings can see my parents treat me differently#like to the point where if i pissed off one of my parents enough they wanted to kick me out my other parent wont stop them#literally something my sibling brought up#and what am i doing tomorrow? immediately backtracking and apologizing for everything!#because yes i was abused and neglected but i hurt my dads feelings and made my mom angry so i need to say sorry#honestly i just need to keep it all in until i can get out of here#just wait until then and i wont ever have to speak with them ever again#might still talk ti my dad but idk probably not. i think im too upset with him rn to make that decision#i mean he did pretty much tell ms to my face that he will always side with my mother so#i want out someone help me please#i need a job a place to stay and some way to get places (i cant drive)#just a little bot longer and my schooling will be done and i will have my license and i can work#i cant wait im so excited to work again and be able yo save up and LEAVE
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The Great Almighty Apartment Deep Clean of 2024
is officially underway. My bathroom is the cleanest gd place in this whole building now. It's like stepping into an entirely new universe.
I did that. Me. All by myself. /proud bean
#also my boyfriend said he's proud of me and cussed saying it which i'm already learning means the utmost sincerity from him#and i am like mush and soup now this man is gonna be the death of me#but ye i have a bed being delivered soon and i want a clean af house to work with when i reorganize my bedroom for it#and my apartment is absolutely wrote off i am the picture of depression funk in here#but not the bathroom now#now you could eat off that fucking floor go ahead no don't#idk it's rented it might have older nasties i don't know about that bleach can't kill#anyway i'm supposed to be making food or something now that i'm done for the day#tomorrow i start on the kitchen and forgive myself if i don't get it all done in one go#i'm only allowing myself two hours a day to obsessively let myself deep clean bc otherwise i will literally work myself into a mess#mess being not taking a break lest i lose momentum so i end up unable to move the next day for all the strain#my apartment only has... five rooms total#so between now and the 15th for two hours a day? should be enough to get this place show-worthy#then i can happily host whoever and whatever i want watch me go#self improvement#battling depression like a boss ass bitch
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