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#bc Spider-Man may have been the first teen superhero but he doesn’t own it and the point of his character is not ‘youth’
samuraisharkie · 9 months
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me every time I think about the current state of The Amazing Spider-Man comics: Here’s How Peter Can Still Win
#spider-man#I’m concocting schemes and plans that would bring it out on top I swear#hire me marvel but only after Quesada is fired#I’ll have Dan Slott doing letters while I’m fixing their fucking mistakes#it ain’t fuckin much but it’s honest work#listen so we have to reveal that current MJ is a fake. go animated series on them.#fuck them kids. fuck former aid to genocide with a boring ass name Paul#give the Jackpot thing to someone else. it’s a good gimmick but please for the love of god not on MJ#fix poor fucking Ben Reilly and maybe just let him stay dead#tackling the Parker Industries bullshit is gonna be harder#but it all culminates in beating the everloving shit out of Mephisto#Peter and MJ reunite and are once again best friends#and this one could be controversial but hear me out: Peter and MJ polyamorous relationship on and off w Felicia Hardy#since Harry is alive again (even though it’s stupid) maybe him too#things gradually fall back in place as they were before#Peter isn’t ‘dated’ bc he’s been around since the fucking 60s and he finally has a chance to grow up and be an adult again#and we focus on the other plethora of teen superheroes that are now around#bc Spider-Man may have been the first teen superhero but he doesn’t own it and the point of his character is not ‘youth’#listen. I’m so anguished every time I think about the comics.#I don’t want it to be destroyed I don’t want it to be irreparable#it sucks that any other marvel characters can keep running but Spider-Man is just going straight in the dumpster bc of idiots at the top
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sharkmobster · 5 years
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spider verse coffee shop au??
Anon im sorry i wanted to draw the coffeeshop au but ive been so tired lately so imma just overshare about what goes down bc this au is just (thick tombstone voice) : “everybody’s traumatized bitch lets get you a latte”
 • this au is incredibly villain centric bc uhhhhh all i do is think about villains
 • its also very aaron davis centric bc time to project my anxiety onto a grown ass man babey!!
 • anyway this takes place in a normal world where there’s no superheros or avengers or what have you, everyone’s super average 
• like i said this is more or less aaron centric and focuses on him readjusting to society and making connections with other people, and just healing in general. Aaron’s whole deal is that he was wrongfully arrested for defending himself against an off duty cop who was harassing him and ended up with a 10 year sentence  (but was let off a year earlier for good behaviour). He’s got a lot of guilt bc of this if only for the fact that he feels like he let down his brother and Miles (who was a small lad at the time).
 • Fun Fact! Jefferson was the one that picked up Aaron at the jail when he served out his sentence! The ride back to brooklyn was awkward! but also jefferson loves his brother and even tho they’ve had their falling outs he never once stopped believing that his brother was innocent. Jefferson also made sure to pull some strings and ended up getting an apartment set up for Aaron (even though jefferson and rio were 100% down to open their home to him for as long as it took him to get back onto his feet but of course aaron denied them bc he didnt want to be a burden) Aaron’s grateful but he tends to avoid his own family…a lot….
• it’s ridiculously hard to find a job bc nobody wants to hire an ex convict no matter the circumstances and Aaron’s legitimately about to lose hope when he spots an expensive looking shop nestled in between an old arcade and a knick knack shop
 • ‘Vanessa’s Cafe’ is neatly printed above the door in fancy gold lettering. it’s obvious that the owner has serious cash bc the shop looks too damn good and too well maintained to be a regular mom and pop shop. there’s a help wanted sign hastily scribbled on a piece of notebook paper in the middle of the window which is odd since it off sets the professional vibe of the place. But hey it’s worth a shot so Aaron walks in ready to be denied another job only to find the weirdest looking group of people he’s ever seen.
 • The first guy that catches his attention is the very large albino man who looks way too stressed out and manic to be working in a coffeeshop, but the job must pay well because he’s very well dressed.
 • “Liv, for fuck’s sake! Clean your goddamn station!” he’s whisper shouting? Is that even a thing? oh look at that he’s got a full set of razor sharp teeth. huh. that’s a hell of an aesthetic he’s going for.
 • The lady in question isn’t even giving him the time of day, just enthralled by her phone with a smile that looks too peaceful given what’s happening around her. She’s got wild hair tied up messily in a knitted bandana, weird glasses (custom made??) and when she glances up at aaron, her eyes widen in interest like he’s some anomaly to be cracked open. aaron looks anywhere that isnt the wild eyed lady at the counter.
• Theres another big guy that’s hanging around the back, heavily tattooed and lifting stacks of heavy boxes. Aaron takes notice of his prosthetic hand and the tattoo guy takes notice of Aaron. 
• “Lonnie. Customer.” The Tattoo guy seems nonplussed about Aaron and walks into the back. aaron assumes that he’s offended him by staring at his prosthetic for longer than necessary which yeah….yeah he’s probably not happy about the staring. 
 • lonnie’s got a bad case of resting bitch face so he’s glaring at aaron without actually glaring and he’s just rough around ALL the edges so his tones got that nice bite to it as he shouts from across the counter (which is not something you do to a customer but it’s lonnie…..)  "Hey! Ya looking for a job, skinny jeans?!“
 • Aaron blanches at the idea of working with these people but he is absolutely desperate for a job at this point.
 •"Yeah. I just got out of-”
 •"Great, you’re hired! We’re speed running this whole introduction thing, string bean.“
 •and that’s all i got other than like small details like:
 •Peter B Parker owns a ”“’'cafe”“” across from Vanessa’s and its literally just a burger joint that h a p p e n s to sell coffee and Parker will fight you if you call his place a deli ahdhdj
 •Liv and May are dating (big shock) and peter b has to constantly deal with seeing his competition over at his place all the time and it’s yikes
 • Tombstone and Noir will 100% throw hands on contact. They don’t hate each other tho??? Its weird they just like to fight. gives them a chance to work on their banter i guess. Noir works the coffee machine at Peter’s “'cafe”’ so i guess he’s the “”barista”” of the joint but he drinks the coffee more than the customers do
 • Miles and the rest of the spider kids “”“”“"intern”“”“” at the cafe which basically translates to free labor
 •  spider ham works there but he isnt a pig he’s just john mulaney. i know its weird. nobody actually sees him tho so he’s a complete mystery as to what he looks like so he could be john mulaney you never know. the only person who’s seen him is noir and that’s only bc they’re  a thing???
 •oh speaking of everyone being gay:  everyone’s gay
 • Lonnie and Gargan (tombstone and scorpion) are 100% dating but everyone legitimately thinks that the both of them are straight old men despite the fact that they live together, go to work together, hang out afterwards together, and they’re just always together
 • lonnie’s  daughter (janice)  visits every other week (def the product of a divorce he went through years ago) she’s alright with gargan but she’s very distant towards her dad and def has that teen angst phase that she’s going through
 • (lonnie can and will talk to you for hours about how much he loves and supports his daughter despite the fact that their relationship is very estranged)
 • you can find janice hanging out with the cute blond punk girl at that weird burger/coffee place across the street
 • oh gargan’s big and strong despite the fact that he’s missing three limbs, liv works in robotics on the side and constantly tweaks and repairs his prosthetics when they start acting up which leads to them having this weird friendship where they both borrow each other when they need something and dont really expect anything in return (like gargan’s good for getting her supplies and doing heavy lifting when she needs it and liv’s always down to run check ups on gargan)
 • oh yeah liv used to be a scientist but immediately lost her license and phd when she started going above some board members heads to buy less than legal things through super illegal sources
.• that’s another thing, kingpin tends to just hire ex cons and criminals to work in his cafe just bc he believes that a person willing to work hard to better themselves deserves a chance to re enter society again.
 • like they’ve all done bad things but still ended up with a job at the cafe. aaron fought a cop, liv did some shady deals for an illegal experiment, gargan used to run a drug ring years ago due to personal reasons but once he was free from jail he never dealt with the stuff again, and lonnie killed a dude (allegedly. he never went to jail bc they couldn’t prove anything but hey word spread around quick and everyone knew not to go anywhere near this guy)
 • kingpin is in this au btw he’s just……a very depressed man who’s still grieving over his wife and son dying in a car accident
.• he rarely shows up to run the cafe bc its too much for him being in the place that his wife loved and built up from the ground. he used to be the manager after she died but couldn’t handle it and mostly left lonnie to take care of it
• which holy fuck lonnie is trying his best to keep this cafe alive and well and there’s only two other people working there so like its enough to have him scrambling all over the place trying to find more help (thanks aaron)
 •miles doesn’t know aaron’s working at the cafe across the street and aaron def wants it that way bc even tho he’s out of jail he hasn’t actually……visited miles yet….. it’s the shame that’s keeping aaron from reaching out to him which is….sad bc miles doesn’t care what happened he just wants his uncle back.
 • oh oh one more thing RIPeter used to run the deli across the street but had to leave brooklyn to go volunteer at homeless shelters across the states indefinitely so theres no telling when he’ll be back, so he left the cafe under the guidance of pb parker (peter b parker voice: my cafe now)
 •and uhhh thats all i got, like i said this au is just found family trope + the healing we all want + bad people getting redemption which is all the tropes that i love all compacted together in the most cliche au you can imagine!
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the--ghost--king · 5 years
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Spider-Man:Far From Home
Hey so I just saw Spider-Man: Far From Home. And I got like mildly spoiled beforehand about the end credit scene but that didn't take away from the story at all so time to dive the fuck into my ramble anger.
The movie is phenomenal. I was shacking and anticipating and on the edge of my seat the whole time but that doesn't mean that I don't have things that bothered me about it.
First, let's talk about Tony Stark and how his death has impacted Peter. Peter is unsure and doesn't really know what to do with himself at the start of the film which is completely understandable. He's still mourning, Peter doesn't feel ready (the scene with the reporters shows this expertly when you contrast Peter handling the Press and Tony handling the Press) which is completely understandable. He's 16, he's just come back to life and everything is strange and confusing. He's vulnerable as Hell this whole movie and a fuckton of people abused this vulnerability.
First of all, I'm just gonna start about Nick Fury and the second after credit scene. Talos was Fury all along which makes sense with how to an extent Fury didn't act like himself and missed certain things etc but that doesn't excuse the manipulative behaviour he exhibited towards Peter. Maybe it's just me but I was quite angry with how Fury kept pushing Peter towards taking the mantel of 'New Iron Man'. I get that He (Talos) was probably working with some loose orders and figured this was the best course of action because Tony left Peter the glasses but the way he went about it is all wrong. We don't expect Nick Fury to be a nurturing presence or anything but making Peter feel like he's failing the world and more importantly letting Tony down by not taking on the 'Iron Man' Mantle is fundamentally wrong in my opinion.
You can't tell an emotionally vulnerable teenager that his mentor figure, who has just died, would be inexplicably disappointed in him if he didn't do something he (the teen) is afraid of/ doesn't feel ready for/ doesn't want to do yet. It's upsetting that Tony's legacy and his death was used as a manipulation tactic like this. That it's Talos and not actual Nick Fury excuses some of his actions, Talos is maybe less aware of earth costums or is maybe playing up the 'Hard-Ass Nick Fury' idea but that's also kind of unbelievable because we know that Talos is rather empathetic by nature because of his family. He has it in him to be cruel but wouldn't do so unnecessarily and lovely reminder: Peter is a child. He might be a superhero but he is still a child and they should have taken a different approach towards getting Peter to rethink being involved in all this. Because the way Talos(Fury) just made Peter be involved by changing all these aspects of his trip that he can't control must feel very violating to Peter as well. He seemingly has no control over his life at all and it's fucking awful.
Now that we've got that out of the way it's time to fucking talk about our favourite motherfucker Aldrich Killain Quentin Beck. (I'll talk about Iron Man 3 and General Iron Man parallels in a bit) either way Quentin Beck aka Tony Stark inconvenienced me that one time and now I'm willing to Kill Children -Man number 700. Is this just going to be a thing in Spider-Man movies, all villains are going to say it's Tony Stark's fault they're doing what they're doing whilst they're fully functioning adults with autonomy(??????) (Is it obvious that I am Mad). Either way.
Quentin Beck is mad because Tony used his holographics technology and called it BARF. Sounds like a fair thing to be mad about when Tony seemingly didn't give him any credit for it. I use seemingly here because we don't have the full story. We just know what Quentin told us which is that Tony did something that upset him and Quentin figured the best course of action was to become the next Big Superhero and kill a bunch of people in the name of his goals. ( *cough* Killian *cough*). Also William from Iron Man 1 working with him is a fun little Easter egg but it also makes no sense that he'd somehow hate Tony because Obadiah yelled at him. Like what's the thought process there? Do we actually justify this? Doesn't Marvel know how to give people proper motivations for their actions? Maybe I'm just salty (and like I'm biased because I love Tony Stark) but still. Beck called him a drunken manchild (which a lot of Tony antis do) and then disregards all the good Tony has ever done for the world and how he's been growing and changing and trying to do better since IM1 and how that culminated in his death in Endgame to instead focus on the things he did before he decided to turn himself around (like a lot of Tony antis do).
Mysterio's entire motivation is based on him misinterpreting Tony's character. Tony did one thing that was detrimental to Mysterio and then Mysterio made a huge leap and just said, 'Y'know how I can best get my revenge over this tiny little thing that most people would either go to court over or go to the press with to gain public trust/opinion to ruin their opponents reputation? Making myself an elaborate superhero and not caring about casualties because they're for the greater good.'
Basically I'm done with people making Tony responsible for their actions when they made these radical choices completely on their own without him ever doing anything but upsetting them in one way or another.
I'm not saying that Tony didn't do anything wrong in this scenario (if we were told the whole truth and Tony stole someone else's idea for no good reason, which, knowing him, sounds fake) but I am definitely saying that Beck could have done literally anything else to get back at Tony especially if he had like 5+ years to think of his evil revenge plan.
So next up is first me being slightly mad about the Spidey-sense being called the 'Peter-tingle' and how it's really not explained how it works in the movie (maybe it was but I just missed it) either way, it was very funny but also mildly upsetting.
And then the last thing I'll complain about is the mid-credit scene. I'll talk about the whole Peter/MJ romance subplot later but I want to specifically concentrate on the identity reveal. I'd been spoiled for this but only a little. I knew they would paint Peter as the bad guy and they set the whole identity reveal with The Daily Bugle (well done on that) up by showing us William grabbing the USB-stick and this being done makes a lot of sense with Mysterio's character bc he was a conniving bastard who'd obviously have contingancy plans. I'm not mad about how the reveal was done or that it happened necessarily. Overall the scene was handled very well and was very impactful. I'm just kinda upset because Peter just gets thrown into this new thing and never gets a break and I'm upset about what they want to do with this information now.
Side note: they also foreshadowed the identity reveal when Peter was talking to May and Happy by making it look like he was maybe talking to a camera or something (clever shot Marvel).
But now my issue with the world knowing Peter's identity: It's going to Fuck his life over immensely, especially because the world thinks he's evil. The Next Spider-Man film (and I'm pretty sure the last one) is going to come out in 2022 and I'm pretty sure they're not going to mention how the Spider Man conflict is handled in other movies. Which means they'll have to fix that up in the next Spider-Man movie somehow.
In the comics some peope of the New York public disliked the Neighbourhood menace Spider-Man because of J.J Jameson and The Daily Bugle and how they talked about him being distrustful but the world didn't know who Spider-Man was, so Peter could live his life normally without Spider-Man debilitating him. In this timeline (fucking earth 616 Marvel who are you kidding, also does this mean that that was actually a lie because motherfucking Mysterio made his story up???) The world Knows that Peter is Spider-Man and he has no one to protect him, he's on his own, completely and he's not ready.
That's a huge thing in the film. Peter isn't ready but everything around him seems to push him to be without regarding what he wants at all and then the reveal happens. Idk if this made complete sense but the lack of agency Peter gets over his life especially with Beck pulling this shit is astounding and Marvel will have to somehow fix this by the next Spider-Man film and sell that convincingly and I don't like their prospects at all.
So now we're going to talk about things I liked about this movie:
The MJ/Peter romance. It was great and made a lot of sense. The way that MJ had issues with being vulnerable. Peter "Hopeless Romantic" Parker. How Peter just really wanted to get the girl and have something nice for himself after all the bad shit that happened. Their romance made sense and although I don't like love triangles the whole Brad thing was pretty funny and did have us on the edge of our seat sometimes. The romance was a subplot but it was a part of the story in a way that seemed very organic and it added to Peter's story and character without taking away from the bigger story.
Next thing up: a loose list of Iron Man 3/ Tony Stark parallels. (Which made me a very happy lad)
Tony lost his suit in IM3 and has to work around this, Peter loses his suit and then also has to work around this (although he gets help ig). (Very thin I know)
The villain being a deception somehow. Aldrich Killian being the manderin and Mysterio being the bad guy.
The way Peter just started rambling about the multiverse and science the moment he heard about it.
Peter ghosting Nick Fury
How Peter made his suit on the plane and configured a bunch of things and used the holograms so organically. (did you see how Happy looked at him it was so obvious that he was fondly thinking 'wow he's just like Tony')
Other things:
Peter swinging a vaguely hammer-like object whilst also holding a vaguely shield-like object
Peter holding a vaguely shield like object in another battle scene
The entire May/ Happy romance
NED AND BETTY
Brad (Also the Peter is half naked with this random lady scene had Issues but I've been mad about this movie over enough shit already and someone else has already talked about it for sure)
Their teachers
Flash loving Spider-Man and still bullying Peter.
Flash being a vlogger
The fact that they called it 'The Blip' sounds a little dumb but it grew on me.
Also the acting in this movie was phenomenal. Mad respect to Jacob, Zendaya, Jake, Samuel and Tom they captured the characters really well and every scene was good.
I loved all of the super unsettling and upsetting illusions Beck showed Peter (fucking Tony's grave and that goddamn skeleton of decay Iron Man crawling out of it was Art)
Also the second end credit scene with Nick Fury in space was funny. Nick deserves a break.
It might have seemed like I was shitting on the movie a lot but I honest to God loved it. It's just that me, this boy, is a whiny little bitch and nitpicking is one of my favourite hobbies.
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Hey I loved that voltron superhero au!!! Do you have any more?
Oh thank you! Not really!
Sorry I tend to come up with these ideas and just blurt them out & forget about them, let me see if I can come up with anything real quick for you bro.
I guess I haven’t ever addressed where they got their powers or how they got into superheroism and supervillainy respectfully have I?
I’ve mentioned Keith’s resentment for heroes and law enforcement comes from not having anyone to rely on mainly, so I’m thinking he’s been looking out for himself for a pretty long time obviously, and I think he probably ended up in a bad situation with reguards to some kind of villain organization. His mom was probably a vigilante who took off/vanished when he was really young, and his powers are probably from her side of the family. He barely knows anything about her and may or may not know about her peculiar career path. Maybe he suspects or he found some old gear of hers (including his favourite knife) so he keeps an ear out on occasion.
Or maybe he used to be convinced she was a hero who would come rescue him when he was a little tike but has long since abandoned that idea with age and bitterness!
Keith’s dad maybe died bc of a villain/hero fight, leaving Keith on his own and sewing the seeds for his bitterness about the whole concept of heroism. Kid really gets kicked while he’s down a lot.
After that he was just scraping by for a while, life was pretty tough but he was born with his powers so he adapts to using them to get by pretty quickly.
After he ends up on his own either a) A villain organization looking for impressionable young kids with powers scoops him up or b) his mom’s vigilante group does. 
Option a) means he has a real crap childhood and gets pretty used to both mistreatment and general criminal behaviour, maybe he holds out hope that he’ll get saved for years until a hero actually does bust up the group and Keith ends up treated as just another evildoer. It really sours him on the whole “Relying on others” thing, but he does always have superspeed to fall back on, so he escapes. At that point his ownly relevant skills are crime skills so he keeps stealing to get by, starts causing havoc because of his grudge against heroes and eventually meets Lance.
Option b) would be similar but with Keith’s penchant for villainy developing from being mistreated by folks who insisted it was for the greater good. They’re interested in the power he got from his mom only, training is brutal and personal freedom is non-existant. They focus more on the “big picture” than saving lives and Keith grows to hate them a lot. He stays at first because he has nowhere else to go, and then for information on his mom, but eventually he splits. Says fuck it, I do what I want when I want from now on and no one can tell me anything and that’s that.
There’s also the opportunity with option a) that Keith runs into his mom’s vigilante group later as a disgruntled teen and they try to convince him to follow his greater calling but he’s like “Fuck that”. This has a lot of potential for comedy for me especially if they’re a particularly legendary or mysterious group and Keith is just their. Wayward disgruntled teenage quasi-member.
That’s already way too much about Keith. Uh the city he and Lance fight in is where he grew up but he moved around a lot in between.
Lance! What’s his deal! I figure he got his powers by accident? Maybe got fused with some kind of alien artifact or had some lab related mishap. They could be inhereted but in the sense of a family title passed down rather than straight up genetics or mutations.
He was raised in a big ol happy family and always really wanted to help people and get famous and be famous for helping people. Maybe got his powers in college and had a fun spider-man style learning montage of trying to grasp the basics. His relationship to law enforcement is pretty good, he’s genuinely devastated if he ever fails and lets people get hurt bc he takes his job way more seriously than he lets on. He probably caused more harm than good in the early days and his whole public persona was definitely way inspired by old comic books. He’s a huge nerd and it’s really obvious to look at him. He was so dissapointed in Keith as his nemesis at first. Like really dude? No costume, your name is just Keith, fucking try a little bit!
He stops joking about it when he realizes that Keith doesn’t really have a civilian life like Lance does and is always on the run, and hey super speed might make that a bit easier but still...
Also other characters! Hunk probably has some cool-ass geomancy powers, but he was terrified of using them to help people at first. Villains were scary enough as is and he was sure on top of it he was gonna get dissected for being different.
Lance unintentionally inspired him to stand up to people by awkwardly rambling some equivalent of great power = great responsibility in his civilian identity and probably saving Hunk in his superhero persona at some point. They’re best friends who are also both secretly superheroes and neither of them figure it out for an EMBARRASSINGLY long time. They team up sometimes but Hunks go to partner is Shay. She’s made of rock so he can basically throw her with their powers and it’s their special move. Also she’s really cute.
Lance rants to Hunk about Keith a lot, it’s actually probably how they figure out each others’ secret identities. Hunk gets used to Lance venting about some guy who keeps hassling him and then suddenly gets an intense feeling of deja vu when he teams up with another hero to go up against a speedster villain and they lose. Something about how he keeps waving his arms and pacing as he talks is really familiar...
I’m runnin out of steam but what else... Pidge has techno powers obvi, same motivation as canon in that she’s looking for her dad and brother. Keith definitely has a soft spot for her bc she’s young and on her own. Shiro’s a veteran hero, formerly powerless, but an accident and some dubiously ethical science left him as a cyborg. Allura and Coran are probably government types trying to bring heroes together in the image of the old Voltron Initiative in the face of growing villain activity. Keith is not exactly an ideal candidate and his inclusion in the project was both unintentional and off the record. 
That’s a lot of worldbuilding and very few jokes actually is the thing, sorry anon. I hope you’ll accept my humble offering of word vomit.
Also plot, I definitely forgot to include plot.
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