#bc those definitely are harmful ways of thinking but. to him its more trying to protect someone he sees so much of himself in

[snailcubezz]

Also in addition to everything you’ve said: a man with a healthy relationship with his past and childhood doesn’t become so filled with anger and disgust that he just HAS to psi blast after witnessing a knockoff version of one of the only possessions he knows his mother had in life

YEAH. YEAH. a man with healthy coping mechanisms and healthy relationship with his own neurodivergency would not tell a 10yo shit like "your talent will always set you apart" and "sometimes isolation is a good thing"

#meeple.ask #psychonauts #sasha nein #cc #he is projecting so hard onto raz in pn1 and its concerning but also kinda? sweet #bc those definitely are harmful ways of thinking but. to him its more trying to protect someone he sees so much of himself in #bc he wouldn't want anyone to go through what he did #and thats just. Ough i think abt them a lot #he has good intentions but he is so fucked up and repressed

[ankiebitez]

Mpreg with kings? I think mammon can lactate with those big milkers

Whb kings pregnant

gn mc, no warnings really except mentions of pregnancy and slight mentions of nsfw

note: not gonna lie i dont know much about mpreg so this is really short and mostly just thoughts on how i think the kings would act while pregnant lmao, i tried though but i really have like no idea how to write mpreg 😭

more under the cut

Satan

definitely wants kids, ghenna has the most romantic demons so its no surprise that he wants to start a family with you

he would be the best dad when they're born, but while he's pregnant he is probably the second to worst

mood swings, constantly. he's constantly pissed off and very protective of you even though he's the one who's pregnant. think about how animal moms get territorial when they have babies and that is 100% him

i feel like his depression would also get a bit worse bc pregnancy hormones are hell

he's so happy to be having your kid though

Mammon

handling it really well honestly. he's very gentle and cautious for you and the baby now, he doesn't want to hurt either of you and will protect you by any means

his greed has gotten a bit more powerful too because now he has both of his greatest treasures

buying the best of the best stuff for the baby, clothes, a crib, toys, etc. that baby is going to be spoiled when they're born.

you try to say that a baby probably cant use solid gold toys but he just said that since the baby is half demon and part of him they'll naturally be strong enough

honestly he might be right because when the baby starts "kicking" in his belly you swear it looked like a imprint of a version of his gold fists

now you understand why its the demons that get pregnant instead of the human.

his titties somehow get bigger while he's pregnant too

Beelzebub

pregnancy cravings. he will crave the weirdest shit you've ever heard of. and in the biggest portions you could imagine. you'd think he was eating for 300 instead of 2

he actually doesn't wander as much while pregnant since he wants to protect you and the baby, though he does still dissappear out of nowhere sometimes much to baels dismay

he gets sick and nauseous pretty often though in the later months. you know the phrase butterflies in your stomach? well he just gets flies in his stomach since the baby is too young to control that power yet. kind of horrifying tbh but he's handling it okay

right after the baby is born bael locks down the entire palace until you get beelzebub pregnant again. his argument is that its the only way to keep beel in avisos

Leviathan

he is the actual worst. he doesn't just get mood swings he is constantly pissed off while pregnant. would probably also be the type to cry while pissed off for no reason while in private.

hangs anyone in hades for the smallest things. shoes untied? hang. came to talk to him while he's in a bad mood? hang. breathed too hard? hang.

very very protective of you and the baby. no ones allowed to even look at you or his baby bump at this point. even when the babborn no one is allowed to hold them besides you two. they're not even allowed within 6 feet

he gets the baby the most beautiful stuff for their nursery though.

he also feels very prideful while pregnant, knowing that many of the other kings and demons are jealous that he's the one having your child. he's feeding off their envy

Lucifer

he is handling it the best out of everyone. you wouldn't even be able to tell he's pregnant if it weren't for the baby bump.

he was very skeptical about having a child though especially during this war. much less with the descendant of solomon. nonetheless, he is happy to be having a child.

stays in paradise lost the whole time unless absolutely necessary. he will not let anyone harm you or his child

still doesn't talk much, and stays in his garden most of the time to relax. you are welcome to come and sit with him though as long as you're quiet. he does get a bit more agitated by a lot of noise

the seraphim are seething and will definitely try to attack you more often though. they see you as evil incarnate for not only making lucifer sin but also getting him pregnant. lucifer wont have any of that

#what in hell is bad #whb #what in “hell” is bad? #prettybusy what in “hell” is bad? #whb satan #whb bael #whb mammon #whb beelzebub #whb leviathan #whb lucifer #whb seraphim #ankiebitez works #ankiebitez requests

[the-s1lly-corner]

Give me the GOODS

Angst

What would happen if eyeless jack didn't eat for a REAAALL long time, like he put it off and that back fired.

Bc his s/o happened to come around at the wrong time, and got attacked by him (accidentally)

If they live or die, that's up to you. But what do you think?

Aftermath of Eyeless Jack accidentally harming the reader during a frenzy

two things; idk how to title this andddddd i already wrote something like this a few months ago but i think im going to add more to it! beware linked post is very badly written because ! uhuh! anyways errrrm jack being an involuntary vessel for some funky demon shit my beloved hc anyways obvious cw for mentions of. well jack harming the reader on accident; in this post and the one linked above first post of the new year and its angst

assuming this is right after the events of the linked post, or within the days following that i think he would bar you from entering his cabin not long after he gets his... "meal"

emotions are definitely running high in this one, even if he tries not to show it. i mean you were the one he decided to bite a chunk out of, he doesnt care that he immediately spit it out. he didnt care that he scraped his tongue clean that night. in his eyes (or rather, his empty sockets) what he did was truly unforgiveable and he always feared something like this would happen

all of the reassurances you gave him now meant nothing now

honestly i think this might be grounds for him to break up with you; you did nothing wrong. hes putting all the blame on himself

torn between him having the balls to break up with you to your face or if hes going to pussy out and tell you through the door when you try to ask him to let you in

hell if it comes down to it he might even migrate to a new area if you keep trying to come to him and try to talk things out

heres the thing i talk a lot about how jack hates himself and how he was tricked into this whole botched human sacrifice thing that made him the way he is now. but i dont talk much about just how much he hates himself and how much of a toll that takes on his mental health

i mean think about it, overtime his humanity is literally slipping from him and theres nothing he can do. his 'blood frenzies' as i like to call him are eventually going to get worse and more frequent. not to mention hes going to keep losing more of his human features as time goes on. can you imagine what that does to someone? one day hes going to forget who you are and its going to end in disaster; assuming youre still alive and well when that happens... be it because he simply outlives you thanks to his new pseudo-immortality or worse

im kind of getting off topic but the point is hes going to sit in those thoughts and feelings for a LONG time, really for as long as hes still capable to form a coherent thoughts that isnt about his next meal

like the last post had at least a little bit of hope that maybe you guys will be able to move forward, but the more that i think about it i dont think you guys can bounce back from it. at least jack cant. doesnt matter how much you try to tell him its okay, or how many times you reassure him. if you dont scar its not going to help at all

but if the wound does scar? oh boy thats just going to make him sink deeper into his thoughts, probably making him lean more of cutting himself out of your life

no happy endings for you guys the moment this man slips up around you

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #creepypasta imagine #eyeless jack x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack imagine

[cannotgiveafuck]

Alright here's my semi thought out rambling on the contenders of who could adopt Billy Batson.

Keep in mind, this is not based on the Shazamily Billy, but the homeless kid Billy who spent years running away from his abusive uncle, and then multiple foster homes, and squats in apartments.

BatFam: IMO, they would immulate a foster home too much for Billy's comfort. A large home with multiple bodies, all of them having their own issues and lives that Billy would either feel excluded from or strive to help too much. Likewise, to have all those eyes - especially as the Batfam - watching him and being aware of his every move would be incredibly invasive for him. Billy is an independent kid, but hes not a crime fighter like the batkids, so the others would try to help him in any and every way possible, that would inevitably push Billys boundaries. The family stability is questionable, but the loyalty is definitely something Billy needs. So i think theyd be best as like, the friends home Billy stays at sometimes. Not to mention its Gotham. That city is not for Captain Marvel.

Constantine: lmao. Listen. I love this disaster in a trenchcoat disguised as a wreck of a man, but he should not be in any parental role. Him and Billy work out bc they are around each other in doses. They're complete opposites in methods and morals, and continued exposure would do them both harm. Likewise, when John truly cares for someone he pushes them away bc everyone around him gets hurt. He actively chooses to hurt them sometimes, if theyre not used against him. It doesn't matter that Billy is Captain Marvel and can withstand more than John can throw. John will self destruct and keep Billy away. And that is what would hurt Billy most. Bc he would feel abandoned and unwanted, and that kid has too many issues surrounding that in particular. He needs a stable environment and Constantine can not provide that in the long run - especially in a domestic sense. They're wayyy better off as friends, or magical mentor/mentee.

Superman: The biggest obstacle here is Clark's insistence that Billy remain a child and live a normal life instead of being Captain Marvel. Even if Clark relents to having Billy be Marvel and stay on JL, it would be a continuous struggle for both of them. Not only bc Clark does not know how to be a parent, but also Billy would have a very hard time adjusting. Compared to the other two, I'd say Clark is the most stable, but perhaps not stable enough. Journalism and Superman take up a lot of Clark's time, and he'd really struggle with balancing having Billy too - especially if this is pre-Jon. What's more, unlike Jon, Billy's duties and abilities are different. Despite Superman understanding personal wants vs greater duties, he could not help with Marvel's duties, as much as he'd want to. And I think that would really stress Clark out. Not to mention gaining Billy's trust once its lost is an uphill battle. Cap can work just fine with Superman, but Billy would be a feral kitten - another differing aspect Clark would struggle to grasp. I think there's potential here, esp with help from Lois and Mama Kent, but they're both on such different wave lengths beneath the shallow surface, that they'd struggle with cohabitation and being a 'family' more than one would think.

Wonder Woman: Gonna be honest, I think she's the best candidate for taking Billy in. Not only does she understand Cap's duties from a divine perspective, but she's taken on such monumental tasks. She gave up living on her home island to do her divine warrior duty, but then she found balance in remaking her home life as Diana Prince. She had a loving mother and community that raised her, which she'd draw inspiration from for Billy. There'd be a balance of knowing he's a child that needs protection and he's a chosen champion that needs to learn how to protect others (and himself) - honestly, the same balance Diana's mother had to find for her, which she'd realize with Billy. Itd be a familial connection she has greatly missed since Amazon. And tbh I think Cap and Billy are on the same page with WW - respect and admiration and trust, and that divine tie of being gifted by the Gods (Zeus specifically). Plus being handled without kiddie gloves and respected as a hero would be something Billy greatly appreciates.

#billy batson #captain marvel #shazam #listen. im a sucker for batfam and grumpy Constantine mentor too #but i just think billy has some issues thatd get triggered by either situation #and neither would be good for his development as a human child or magical hero #superman has potential but thered be a lot more problems than folks realize. on both ends #which would be so interesting to read them working thru #please i just want Big Sister WW #theyd be so good together #hes never going to be a normal kid. but he still needs a stable loving home #and i think Diana is a perf balance all around #She'd take him on museum tours and world travel and teach him about history and culture #And teach him so much about the Gods and their stories #Idk it's 1am and I'm having feels about Billy and family #And all the shit he's been thru. And despite being so caring and friendly as Cap #He's so wary and guarded as Billy. #He doesn't think he needs a family. Or deserves to be normal. But he does!! He does deserve love and support. #He's just a kid that needs very specific care and attention

[atopvisenyashill]

What is Corlys loyal to, during the Dance? What are his ambitions, as you see them?

Corlys wants

To keep his family safe

Access to power

To prove he’s as good as a Targaryen

His family name on the Iron Throne

A dragon rider in his family

Very similar in many ways to most of the other adults during this time, especially Otto Hightower. I think in many ways, he’s kind of an echo of Tywin here - he’s trying to prove that the Velaryons are worth just as much, that they’re just as Valyrian, just as special, just as ~chosen by the narrative~ as the Targaryens are. To him, proving that means he has to have a Targaryen wife, dragon riding children & grandchildren, and in a perfect world, his own family on that ugly spiky chair.

[not quite a sidebar but - while I do think Aegon makes all the right choices in his initial conquest of the seven kingdoms, I think the Velaryons resented not being made a powerful, Paramount house in their own right. Installing them as overlords for the Riverlands or the Reach would be a bad idea the same way that both conquests leaving a Tyrell in Sunspear to help take over is a stupid, malicious idea that probably made both wars worse bc it pissed Dorne off. AND YET. they’re a valyrian house! one of the last lines of valyria left!! but all they have is driftmark!!!! i do think this sticks in their collective craw a bit but it seems to especially bother Corlys!]

I say “family” and not “blood” because Corlys is clearly willing to stretch the definition of “family” if it means he gets continued access to power. It’s why he is extremely forgiving in the Laenor/Rhaenyra marriage - I do think he realizes to an extent that he put them both in a weird situation and is willing to look past it a) because looking past it gives him access to power b) because Rhaenyra didn’t do it to sleight him, as shown by her friendship with Laena & the betrothals of their children and c) he grows to genuinely love and care for Jace & Lucerys, and probably Joff as well. There is that theory that it was Corlys who killed Harwin & Lyonel and I think it has its merits! Despite his affection for the boys, I do think he takes insult at the way Harwin & Rhaenyra so publicly carry on - he himself has a long(ish) standing love affair that he keeps hushed up and I imagine he felt Rhaenyra should be more discreet, and was insulted when Joff was born because like, you already have an heir and spare stop cuckolding my son jfc. Do I think he actually killed Harwin? Eh, up in the air about it tbh (seems more Viserys’ style if I’m being honest) but I can absolutely see the justifications he’s making here that Jace & Luke are necessary sacrifices of his pride but Joffrey is a step too far.

Now, while I put “keep his family safe” first because I DO think it comes first, notice I used “safe” and not “happy.” He doesn’t give a shit if they don’t like his decisions but Corlys does actually keep an eye on all his kids to make sure they are not being harmed. He doesn’t just wash his hands of Laena when the sealord he betroths her to turns out to be a dud, he actively puts off the marriage, and allows Daemon to get involved. He turns against Rhaenyra when Addam and Alyn are put at risk, then turns against Aegon II, even making the extremely risky move to kill the king, in an attempt to protect Baela.

I shittalk him a LOT for completely usurping his own daughter/granddaughter as well as counseling Rhaenyra away from a more proto-feminist stance, but I have to commend him here the way I do the Tyrells. Aegon II has gone mad with grief over Sunfyre, he’s probably in a lot of pain, high off his ass, we get that convo about him taking the black so he’s also running out of steam, which makes him erratic and dangerous, and he turns all of those built up feelings on Baela (if there isn’t snot and tears and spit dripping down both their faces when he takes her to the block in the show i’m suing!!!). Corlys attempts to calm Aegon but when it reaches a certain point, he doesn’t dick around trying to rationalize with an irrational person when it comes to the safety of his granddaughter - he just fucking offs the problem. Power and the Throne mean little and less if his entire family is dead and he knows this. It doesn’t mean he’s not willing to gamble, not willing to force his kids into shitty situations, not willing to usurp his own fucking granddaughter because a son is worth more, but in the end, Corlys really does love his family. It’s why he rages when Rhaenys dies. It’s why he’s devastated when Jacaerys dies. Corlys is very much A Man Of Westeros but in conversation with others like Tywin, Ned, Doran, Jon Arryn, Robert, etc., Corlys is willing to admit when he’s in over his head, grab his family, and get the fuck out of dodge. We are scraping the bottom of the barrel here on what a good father means, but well, that’s Westeros!

#and also that’s fathers! 😁 #i do love him my lil misogynist king #corlys velaryon #asks #anons #rani attempts meta

[snailvee]

metaltango ramblings dedicated to @albertbreasker <3 this got uh. long lmao

they met at arguably the most vulnerable time in leon's life. the intro in re4r really shows how how fucked up he was, forced to sign a government contract and put into military training almost immediately after raccoon city. i think a lot about the contract specifically bc not only did they not want leon going around spilling about what really happened in raccoon, but they also held sherry over him as leverage AND he was only 21. i can't begin to imagine the amount of shit he agreed to then that follows him for the rest of his career, if not his life

this post talks about how leon was not only just thrown into military training, but special forces training, as well as how his looks and being called "pretty boy" by krauser had the other recruits treating him (go read the whole post its really good)

anyways as hard as krauser was on leon, leon distinctly says it's exactly what he needed at the time. something intense enough to rid his mind of all thoughts about raccoon, no mater how brutal that something was. the clip of him and krauser sparring in the re4r intro is so filled with passion, leon is practically snarling at him and the movement of his hair and body just conveys his emotions so well, and having it as a parallel to their knife drill fight later in the game is just. yeah

(self harm mention) i wrote about this a bit in my leon character study fic but i have a hc that because krauser's training kept leon's mind off of raccoon and therefore he thought of it as a positive thing, sparring with and consequently being hurt by krauser became dangerously synonymous with comfort in leon's mind. seeing his signature knife made him calm instead of fearful, even aimed at his throat. he didn't pay much attention to it until the thought crossed his mind to take his own blade to his skin, wondering if it would have the same effect. as grueling as the training was there were still times when he was alone with his thoughts, unable to seek the "comfort" krauser gave him, and he itched for a way to take his mind away during those times too. but i think if he did try it, just pressing his knife lightly against his own arm, that's what would make him snap out of it. it makes him aware of the twisted logic and after that, he doesn't try again. doesn't even consider it. but that doesn't mean he stops throwing himself at krauser while sparring or pressing down on old bruises in the safety of his room.

operation javier is definitely a shift in their dynamic. leon is no longer krauser's rookie to train, but his partner on this mission. they already have a lot of history - krauser is too observant to not notice leon's strange reactions to their sparring - and spending that much time together, even out on the field, was bound to lead to some strange conversations, if not more (yes i'm saying they fucked in that jungle leave me along /lh)

i can only imagine leon noticing how jack seems to change. how he's less critical of B.O.W.'s, even on their mission to eradicate one. how he seems to face their enemies with a sort of awe instead of nothing but the will to take them down. how he closes off the father they get into the mission, becoming someone different than leon had known during training. i can only imagine leon ending that mission with a bitter taste in his mouth, knowing something was wrong with krauser, and not just physically. i can only imagine him getting the news of krauser's death. i can only imagine him clenching his fists as he recalls the last time he saw krauser, gritting his teeth as he recalls the last time he saw krauser when he was really himself. i can only imagine leon trying to come to terms with him being gone.

their reunion is fitting, almost. it carries the same intensity that pulled them together years ago. seeing the knife still does something to leon, although the painful realization that it was buried in luis's back quickly covers it. i mentioned the knife drill before, but it really is such an interesting and well done detail in my mind. krauser isn't just there to fight leon - he's there to remind him of the past. this only extends into krauser building a "battlefield" for leon, purpossefully bringing back more memories of leon's time training under him.

this is pure hc/shipping territory so feel free to skip or indulge me if you want but. reuniting with the man who nicknamed him "pretty boy" by seeing him stab the man who'd been incessantly flirting with him every hour in the short time they'd known each other? god. there's no way leon had the time or capacity to process seeing the man he'd thought was dead for the past two years standing in front of him, let alone him turning into the thing they used to fight against, or having to kill him with his own hands. everything happened so fast that it was almost like krauser was never even back. but after the mission is over, once the adrenaline rush is gone and leon is safe, it all hits him again. he relives every single moment of his sickly reunion with krauser in one night and has no idea what to do about it. not a fucking clue.

but before all that, there is luis. (no i'm not sorry for putting serennedy in here it's my post) luis, bleeding out on the floor, hand still holding his gun shakily in the air. leon doesn't have the time to come to terms with this either - not the strange feelings luis stirred up inside him and certainly not him taking his last breath in front of leon, cigarette in his mouth and words sounding desperate on his tongue when he says, "people can change, right leon?"

for now leon can only move forward with a key in his hand and the knowledge that luis is saving him and ashley one last time ("he was worried about you... until the end" still gets me) just like krauser's, luis's death will visit him again, but not now.

before their final fight, there's krauser's tent. the picture has been talked about again and again but what am i supposed to do, not mention how krauser had a picture of rookie leon with "i'm waiting" scrawled out on the bottom? not mention how it was left out with the recording for leon to find? how in the photo, leon still wears his rpd uniform? how there's such a clear "before" and "after" splitting his life in two?

the recording is also interesting to me, particularly in how krauser words things. talking about a battlefield, saying it's somewhere just for them, how he views what will happen next as a conclusion to operation javier. he does everything in his power to push leon back into the past, whether it be training or the operation. he wants leon confused, conflicted, unable to put himself wholly into the present fight because a part of him is stuck in the past (it doesn't work).

and then there's the fight itself, in all it's glory. the area constructed by krauser himself to remind leon of the training grounds. the taunts, the insults, the smattering of praise, the "pretty blues" and "pretty boy's". krauser's transformation, hulking form looming above leon. the way krauser knows when he's been bested and doesn't hesitate to tell leon that he trained him well. the way leon is made to use the knife he knows so well. and of course, the idea that krauser was supposed to guide leon's hand with his own, but it happen because of krauser's transformed arms.

leon kills the infected. it's his job. but i doubt it ever gets easier to kill something with a face you used to know.

#metaltango #kreon #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #jack krauser #re4r #re4make #re4 remake #resident evil 4 remake

[badedramay]

@roobylavender replied to your post:

thank you for answering! this is super insightful and i really appreciate the point you make about intention and how despite include some repercussions of feudal traditions, addressing that niche of pakistani society as a whole was not actually the central aim of the drama (so in that aspect it’s distinct of dramas like sang-e-marmar, sang-e-mah, malaal-e-yaar, badshah begum, etc.). i definitely think that’s a valid defense to shielding it from some criticism bc like you said the more pertinent intent is to address misplaced judgments, rectification of old mistakes, the harms of parents projecting onto their children, the plights of stubbornness and inflexibility, etc. that definitely holds when, like you said, you approach ruhi’s arc as a whole, bc it’s about much more than a mere reaction to societal practice  and i like the point you bring up in the tags about faarah too! i’m less endeared to wali this go around bc some of his alpha male behavior towards her in the beginning of their relationship seriously turns me off lol but it’s true a lot of faarah’s relationship to the haveli is premised on her dynamic with agha jaan first, and that’s definitely where the show wins a lot of viewers over (including me! they were so sweet and i loved them) in any other show that tried a similar approach of “wait and see that this guy you got married to isn’t Actually so bad even though he’s trying to dictate everything you do” i think i would probably still remain super turned off bc there’s not often a character like agha jaan present to balance out that transition into accepting that maybe your judgments of your spouse and their family are not entirely solid. so aH he was here lol! such a crucial character to tie everything together truly 

(making this reply a new post rather than continuing in comments cuz I need my space with me especially when talking about Wali akjsdhakwjeahw)

Yes! exactly! I was thinking of dramas like Sang-e-Marmar and Mere Humnasheen as examples when I was making that point. In those dramas, the background of the characters is the plot. because when you remove the background the entire story falls flat on its place. the characters and their actions in those dramas they are not justified but also plausible because of the characters’ backgrounds. the same doesn’t fully apply to the characters of DeD. Aga Jaan’s family could’ve been from any non-specific feudal background and the story would still take place. the reasoning might have to be altered to fit that but on the whole, the plot progression could’ve happened in the same way as it originally did.

As for Wali...oh boyyyy yahan pe aata hai conflict. because Wali remains my most criticized AND most beloved Pakdrama hero. my history on PakDrama fandom world is witness to how much I have dragged this man for his actions (even as recently as just a few days ago!) however, regardless of how much some of his actions continue to irk me..on the whole Wali’s character journey is so fascinating and intriguing for me that I can never see him as a “red flag bad guy”. there are layers to him!! I do sometimes wonder how Wali would be perceived in today’s landscape. like i am SURE he’d be criticized a lot more than he was back in 2015. some of his actions wrt Faraa are so ruthless that I can vividly imagine some people on stantwt making it their mission to start “Cancel Wali Suhaib Khan!!!” parades.

But like I said, the beauty of DeD is how a character comes across when you take the context of their situation when they were performing a certain action. Wali’s abusive kidnapping of Faraa and the initial manhandling he did with her within the first few days of her return to the haveli..these are things added in the drama for well drama’s sake. Wali of the novel was always the picture of perfect gentleman. Wali of the drama was prideful. for six years he had witnessed his own pride be spat on by Faraa’s cold demeanor. Wali forgave the insult to his pride, where he fully lost his senses was when he witnessed his Aga Jaan, his most beloved grandfather, be reduced to a man just breathing not living because of all the hurt Faraa’s attitude had caused him for years...that was unforgivable for Wali. in a very pathetic attempt to be his defense..Wali was pushed to show his most brutal self to Faraa and confirm her worst fears about him that she had nursed for years all because there was no other way Faraa would just LISTEN to him. Wali had never tried to impose the power their nikaah gave him over Faraa except just this once. and he did that not for his own self but for his grandfather’s.

Wali is not a perfect character; good heroes seldom are (hence why drama!Wali is more beloved to me than novel!Wali) The show had already established Wali as someone who had the habit of exercising his dominance where he could. We saw it in how he would scold Zarminay when she tried to be nosy in his affairs or him reprimanding her for planning picnics. but at the end of the day that strictness was not what defined him. we saw how Zarminay confided in her brother and leaned on to him in the time of intense grief. because he was raised by Aga Jaan, he didn’t learn to put walls around his heart and was taught to have more love and respect in all the relationships he shared with anyone. THAT BEING SAID..Wali was ALSO a young man with all the hotheadedness youth brings with itself. it was his initial youthful blunder of putting himself across as a lazy, entitled brat to Faraa which made it easier for her to cement her bad opinion of him. it were his own insecurities that made him unable to empathize with Faraa when she found peace in Moiz’s company. yeah sure Wali’s guess about Moiz being a leech ended up being true but we cannot deny that Faraa’s proximity with Moiz wounded Wali’s pride as a man to the point where he started to question that maybe him assuming duties far beyond the capability of his age had rendered him into an undesirable man. Wali was also well..petty.

Despite all that..I cannot see Wali as someone who, after his rage died down, was incapable of asking for forgiveness for his actions. YEAH I KNOW THE SHOW DIDN’T GIVE ME THAT SCENE AND I WILL FOREVER HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST IT FOR DENYING ME THE SCENE OF WALI ON HIS KNEES BEGGING FOR FARAA’S FORGIVENESS FOR TREATING HER SO HORRIBLY but i also know that how Wali’s character was shaped up..there did come a point when he did apologize for it all. HECK! I can imagine Aga Jaan severely reprimanding Wali if he so got a whiff of HOW ACTUALLY Wali managed to bring Faraa back to haveli and refusing to talk to Wali until he SEES Wali on his knees holding his ears and awaiting Faraa’s forgiveness. which she’d give him of course. not only because she loved him but because she is at that point in her life where she wants all the past mistakes kept aside to start afresh.

Wali works because Aga Jaan works. if Aga Jaan who started as the villain of the story can have a character arc that makes him THE BEATING HEART AND SOUL of the entire story, Wali also cannot stray too far away from the circle of redemption purely because of his connection to Aga Jaan. it’s because of Aga Jaan Wali is mercifully not given the “he’s good because we say he’s good so whatever you saw and how you interpret him is wrong” treatment that so many of the current Pakistani dramas subject their protagonists to (coughmeerabcough). because we SEE Wali’s connection with Aga Jaan and we SEE how Aga Jaan’s sheer love won over Faraa and gave her the peace and acceptance that she was craving for for years..we can SEE why Faraa, by this connection, falls for Wali. not just because he’s her husband and she has no choice but to love him. i see it in a more poetic manner...’the beloved’s beloved becomes my beloved’.

#diyar e dil #i can talk about Wali for hours man..i cannnn T_T #type: opinion #pakistani drama #because DeD emphasizes a lot on connections #and how WHO we are connected with defines who WE are #i see the characters in connection with other characters #rather than lone figures #isn't that human nature though? that we react to how others treat us #by removing the 'others' #can we truly know who we are and what we are capable of??

[koinomegaluvr]

i watched insidious: the red door again with my sister, and it grew on me the second time around despite not knowing how to feel abt it initially.

At first i found the story was underdeveloped (and despite my opinions on the movie changing, i honestly still do feel this way lowkey ghgh) but like. i see exactly what they were trying to do, y’now???

i’ve always rlly enjoyed the insidious franchise, not necessarily because i found it scary, but because the concept of the further was absolutely FASCINATING to me. especially because it’s a place that’s like. an endless limbo that’s reminiscent of liminal horror (and i’m a sucker for that shit)

I rlly liked that they brought in more emotional depth & complexity for the lamberts and how they explore more of how the events of insidious: chapter 2 ultimately affected their family and each individual character.

I immensely enjoyed that they wanted to explore themes of generational trauma and repressed trauma, and how sweeping said trauma under the rug rather than trying to heal and resolve it at its root causes it to fester and ultimately harm everyone involved.

i like how they acknowledged how extremely traumatizing it must have been for renai and the kids to see parker crane josh trying to violently DESTROY them. like there ain’t no way that’s NOT going to have devastating effects on your psyche/marriage when you see what you think is your deranged looking father/husband, trying to beat y’all to death with hammers 😭😭 like i can’t imagine how that must have looked for the kids and i’m glad they explored that

i also really like how (at least in my opinion), the red faced demon and his lair is also kinda symbolic of dalton’s repressed & festering mental illness/trauma with how OBSESSED the demon is with dalton. and how he set up all those “scenes” of dalton’s past which makes him just. remember everything (and that made me feel SAUR BAD for him bc recalling that much repressed trauma would be overwhelming as fuck)

that said, i really feel like they could have executed these themes a lot better, in a way that would make a little bit more sense. during the scene with dalton and josh near the end where they’re in the further trying to close the door, dalton states that they have to stop running from the demon. and there i thought dalton and josh were going to slay the demon together once and for all, but dalton just paints over the door leaving josh in the further by himself and i was like ??????????? 😭😭😭😭 hello???

like. aside from it being a bit anticlimactic, i also don’t think it made very much sense of dalton to just paint over the door when he said they couldn’t run/ignore it anymore. i suppose in a sense, dalton painting over the door in of itself symbolizes that he is trying to break the cycle himself, but honestly? it would have made more sense imo if they somehow tried to relinquish the red face demon together, bc to me that would show that dalton and josh are finally trying to resolve their trauma together by tackling it head on, thus competing their arc more effectively.

i wish they could have introduced josh’s father a bit differently—i know the existence of josh’s dad probably wasnt planned from the beginning, so adding him in was going to be a bit clunky no matter what, but i had a hard time feeling anything at all for him as a character…..

i also wish elise had a bigger role in this rather than making a 5 second cameo at the end of the movie just for the the sake of it, especially since she is what makes insidious such an interesting franchise. but i am SO glad we got a specs and tucker cameo i genuinely teared up seeing them :,)

ANYWAY, overall, i’m quite pleased w the movie, even if certain aspects of it could have been executed better. it definitely isn’t THE BEST insidious movie. i think it had a lot of potential to be excellent. i have WAYY more thoughts abt it that i dont think i can convey in a single post but maybe i’ll talk abt them another time

also. dalton and chris my beloveds 🫰🏼🫰🏼

#anyway. i feel like i need to make art for this movie now #esp of chris and dalton #their dynamic was great. the actors for them had great chemistry #bruh i LOVE how daltons character and chris’ character compliments each other so well #i feel like i would watch a spin off of just them #he’s like. so reserved and clearly keeps to himself and chris is so much more rambunctious and quirky 😭😭😭 like they’re the dream team #like u know dam well chris would somehow STILL remain daltons friend after all that and even make fun of him for letting the + #red face demon possess him like that 😭😭 #also #i lowkey had a “’’hear me out’’’’ moment when the demon went inside of dalton 😭😭 #not 2 be a monster fucker on main but. it was rlly a sight to behold #insidious franchise #insidious the red door #p

[cutemeat]

Speaking of taking it to 11, I'm glad Glenn stood up for not throwing away stereotypes entirely just to be subversive. Ofc it's valuable that Mac's not a gay man stereotype, but as a queer Asian who fits stereotypes, it's sad when tv goes TOTALLY in the opposite direction because they're worried they'll "do a stereotype" (obv there's good, nuanced and bad, harmful versions). There's proud defiance in leaning in sometimes. Do you think RCG worry about "bi Dennis" bc of evil bi stereotypes?

YES, i totally agree!! And it makes perfect sense that he feels that way, cuz Dennis does tend to embody a lot of common queer stereotypes from s1 all the way to s15... Way moreso than Mac ever has, imo. But its not so much that he felt like a plain caricature of those stereotypes (though obviously im not gonna act like in a lot of moments he's not being played up that way lol... 'boys are out tonight huh!?' but even Glenn admitted that was something he didn't want to be included in the episode as his character cuz it was "too broad" LMAO). He still feels like a character that has depth and is well-rounded, including those 'stereotypical' queer traits. So even before Glenn outright said that, it did feel like he had that mentality and I think that's also probably something that's gotten better with maturity lollll. But I was also rlly glad to hear him outright say that too, cuz it is, as you said, commonplace now for writers to keep trying to be "subversive" of stereotypes but that can backfire horribly and just make a lot of characters feel flat or inauthentic. So yeah it was rlly nice to hear that, and esp on the podcast which gets a lot of viewers.

And I do think that RCG are aware that there is a line they have to be be mindful of when it comes to how these characters' overall deviant nature might be perceived as being related to their queerness... Esp in the case of Dennis, and Mac as well. I think this concern was actually somewhat acknowledged in "The Janitor Always Mops Twice" (and tbh I'm surprised I haven't seen more analysis on this?? tho it definitely could've come up and just been purged at some point as a lot of s14 shit ended up being loll) because the way that episode framed not only Dennis, but Mac too, to fit into the "queer-coded villains" noir trope was--again, imo-- an acknowledgment of that. Like, they see the history of that trope in tv/film and how reductive it is. I think that the narrative is deeming that kind of characterization reductive because that episode is not told thru an objective POV, but it's filtered through Charlie's POV, and he clearly has some uh... complex feelings about his best friends' relationship and their respectively ambiguous and not-so-ambiguous sexualities LOL. But also in the past whenever a scene was through Charlie's POV (i.e. his flashback sequence in "Who Got Dee Pregnant?") it's been shown that he has pretty reductive views of the people in his life. Typically narrowing them down to a few traits, or saying shit that is very uh "ooc" (i.e. "yeah. dee inspired me. she said, "you're an awesome janitor, charlie. you can make this whole school slippery." I said, "sure, I'll give it my best shot." then she's, like, "let's be best friends." and I was, like, "sure, I'll give that my best shot, too." so we're best friends now.)... so... yeah. Plus, when you compare that episode's framing to the rest of s14 and that season's overall "oh god we're so afraid of fucking this all up" subtext (Thunder Gun 4, Right to Chop, Big Mo, etc.)... I definitely do think that's definitely a concern of theirs when it comes to that aspect of Dennis' writing as well LOL. and I think even they even sorta admitted to that dragging their feet on addressing Dennis' sexuality/his relationship with Mac as it has been the past couple of seasons in the s15 finale in a very on-the-nose way... ("oh, my god. It looks like he was dragging his feet back here. were you hanging on it?") lmaooo..

#srry this got so rambly. was a long day 2day im kjfgnkjertngkmflkrgntrgkjt out of it #every1 always sends such meaty asks abt the show 2 me tho i get all in my head i cant help it KJNKFG #but i feel like most ppl on here get that right?? as we are all.. some degree of lost in the sauce for this show LMAOO #its fun tho. is fun

[mickstart]

i think there is a real issue with the way dead drivers are treated by fans. the moment a driver dies while racing they become deified by the motorsport community in this kind of like, parasocial way. any wrongs, nuances or details about their life, achievement or actions are washed away by this, like, paintbrush of grief, which doesn't allow for criticism (of the person as an athlete or as a person) and broadly classes it as disrespectful.

with senna especially, its massively complicated. he was a great driver and massive presence in the sport. most people agree he was a surprisingly gentle guy out of the car. had he never died, he would also be despised by a majority portion of the community, because of his relationship with a teenage girl while he was an adult.

those are the kinds of things that get pushed down or discouraged from discussion when it comes to drivers who died while racing, because of that aforementioned weird deification. and its unfortunate because it betrays the genuine character of a person for a idealized figurehead free of nuance, that at best acts as a disservice to the real person who passed and at worst obfuscates the real harm they may have caused, as people who had a lot of money, a lot of social power and very little oversight to their behaviour.

i say this as someone who has had to cope with their favourite driver in a series dying in a motorsport accident. i believe tributes, dedications and the sharing of memories to be incredibly important for continuing the memory of those who died in what is, frankly, their line of work (no employee should be at risk of dying in their workplace. none), to continue conversations about what the real loss of lax or underdeveloped safety guidelines and practises are. but i also think that criticism can and should be practised in public spaces about those who've died and that it isn't disrespectful to talk realistically about what a person was really like.

(holy shit laura sorry for the essay in ur inbox)

Yeah no dw liv I agree and I think tbh this is just like. A wider issue in society as well like it happens with Any public figure who dies (politicians exempt in most cases) that their life becomes smoothed over and simplified like this. It's part of this cultural thing of "don't speak ill of the dead" but taken to an extreme because of the parasocial elements + Literally Not Knowing These Guys, and like a lot of cultural things about death it's ultimately more harmful than whatever it's trying to soften.

Like I've seen this happening to Michael too, and he's not even dead. It's been hard for me to navigate my own immediate "Michael is perfect and did nothing wrong" attitude and balance that with making sure people still see him as a person who DID do bad things. I've always resisted saying "michael would think X or Y about something" because like. I don't Know what Michael would say and I do not want to speak for him bc he is in fact a person who is thinking things Right Now. That's its own Thing because like, obviously that's also to do with agency and ableism and the resistance to it, but it feels relevant here.

Sport becoming folklore definitely makes this like. More pronounced in F1 fandom I think.

[roobylavender]

what would you say are some of talia's flaws? or undealt with issues/mindsets/beliefs that harm her in the long run?

oh GOODY

self-worth the size of a raisin. obv this marginally improves with her decision to leave both ra's and bruce behind but it's not like her situation at lexcorp necessarily helps. for all of the hatred i can express towards death and the maidens i do think it gets the idea right that by the end of her stint talia is incredibly embittered and lonely to the point of extreme vulnerability bc she feels like she matters to no one. i honestly think the general premise of death and the maidens could have been a great way to finally explore the brunt of all of that self-inflicted inferiority if not for the fact that writers after its publication gave less than two fucks about addressing it (probably in line with the whole chasing every o'neil protégé out of bat editorial thing rucka and grayson talked about)

she would sacrifice herself at the drop of a hat. most of the time we tend to frame this as the cornerstone of her sense of duty but i also believe it stems from the fact that living under ra's has ultimately made her view herself as a cog in the machine. for however much she espouses an appreciation of the world around us and taking the time to truly live at the end of the day she will sacrifice her own long-term happiness if it means doing something for the greater good. again. lexcorp. she put herself in one of the most isolated and miserable positions a person could take with no other connections to reach out to for over a year bc she knew it was the right thing to do and she had the power to do it

infuriatingly stubborn. this is what factors more into her sense of duty imo like the self-sacrificial nature definitely stems from how she was raised but the stubbornness is purely a product of her personal moral code and yet again a catalyst to her progressive isolation and loneliness bc she's willing to let go how unhappy something might make her so long as the something is by her own choice and to some beneficial end. hence why lexcorp is an endeavor she sees through even though it makes her miserable

these are the big ones imo and they all kinda overlap with each other to paint this really interesting picture of a woman trapped within the narrative. which i think can actually present incredible storytelling opportunities (i discuss it a little re: carol here) so long as you as a writer are willing to contend with those circumstances in good faith and address them wholeheartedly rather than simply skirt past them as necessary elements to the story. not to bring up death and the maidens again but with some tweaks here and there i really do think it could have been an interesting direction to pursue with talia as a character. to me the problem with the comic is not so much that this relationship with nyssa was created (though let me clarify i absolutely wish the specific details of nyssa's background were different bc haphazardly using the holocaust as a plot point was fucked and weird) and carried out to that end rather the problem is we get no actual resolution to the comic in any narrative thereafter. and i think that stems not just from the way editorial priorities were shifting at the time but also bc of how bruce was framed to react to talia being "converted" to evil towards the end. like yeah i think you can reason bruce might have expected a rejection from her bc a good chunk of lexcorp era was about him recognizing how indirectly shitty he had been to her but at the same time that never meant he believed she was capable of being as evil and depraved as her father (and thereby nyssa) and ideally the follow-up to death and the maidens should have been about bruce trying to get to the root of what happened to her and trying to save her with the help of people who would also then grow to care about her so she could develop the support network she always needed to survive. and we all know that never happened bc editorial didn't care lol

#eh i'll tag for funsies it's been a while #death and the maidens is similar to under the red hood to me in that the premise is genuinely interesting but #the execution in places is severely lacking and leads to more dead ends than loose threads that can be picked up thereafter #outbox #talia al ghul #dc

[grey-lark]

Hi! U might have seen me lurking but I just wanted to shoot u an ask and say, JU is one of my absolute favorite fics I've ever read for so many reasons. It's such a heartfelt and kind character study on top of just a well paced and thought out retelling of the show, Steve is flawed and sweet and funny and just Good, with such a bonkers way of thinking and it makes me love him so much more than I already do (which isn't Hard honestly haha) he also comes across autistic/adhd, something I've hc'd him being for a long time bc I'm that myself, so i see elements of that in JU. I'm also a fan of your prose, I think you have such a way with building relationships that come across as very human and soft while also having a Bite to them, like Steve and Billy, a character I've never totally liked, but he has such a voice in JU that it's like Of Course Steve can't help but try to be kind even though he's cautious, not just bc he's an empath. I can't wait to see how that relationship, as well as Dozens of other relationships progress, Steve and Robin(!!), Hopper, El (sibling dance 🕺💃), Tommy-Carol, Nancy, Jonathan, Dustin, Max, all the other kiddos (maybe Eddie too?? *wink wink*) and now that I'm thinking of it Joyce!! Listen if his new dad is Hopper, Joyce gets to be his mom by virtue of association with Hop. Another thing I wanted to say quickly was, and obviously this was intentional, but every mention, or allusion to, comparison to, just general meta about Rabbits is chefs kiss. Like the callbacks to Watership Down, It's such a good narrative tool, its always given me the chance to pause and think about the work, especially with the killing of the rabbit, which conjured thoughts to me about the loss of innocence in that moment, like is the rabbit something he's killing within himself? Or is Steve himself the rabbit? And what does it mean later that he can regulate his emotions enough to live within the rabbit, and it's babies? Besides lying to himself that he's "normal" He also has given himself (?) Room to grow? In other words, though it may be scarred, since you alluded to the dead rabbit again, Steve and his innocence, (and I'm using innocence as a way to define a lot of things here like self love and a life where he'll allow himself to grow something in the planter boxes), are allowed to take root again, since you also stated that the grass above the buried rabbit is growing green and prospering thanks to this dead rabbit, not to mention the lives those babies will now get to lead, so its like, Steve's past experiences don't have to harm him anymore, they can lead to Growth. Steve is both the rabbit, and the thing that can kill, and protect the rabbit, Run Bunny indeed Billy Hargrove. ANYWAY I hope to Heaven that any of that makes sense, thank you so much for posting Jackrabbit Underneath, it's been a real light in the darkness and I have serious writers envy, I'm wishing you well, and extending an unlimited invitation to reach out for literally anything you need in the future, yelling about Steve Harrington being one of those things of course 💖💖💖

I have no clue what happened with Tumblr, but for some reason this ask kept appearing then disappearing in my inbox? So sorry for it being almost a month late (ooofff) Also this reply got long so it's under the cut!

I'm really happy you've been enjoying!!! It's so nice to hear that you enjoy the pacing and that my portrayal of Steve is coming across well! I head canon Steve as ADHD and I've tried to incorporate that into JU so I'm happy that's working. I really like the description of "soft with some Bite to them" for the relationships!! I feel like that's how I try to write Steve in general, so it makes sense that his relationships would also follow that.

Haha I am definitely now picturing Steve and El doing the sibling dance video with Kali. I wish I could shove Eddie into the main plot - he'll probably make a cameo because I love him. I actually originally thought Joyce would be in this more, but I realized talking to the mom of the guy your girlfriend left you for would probably be weird for him, so Maggie ended up taking up more of the role. But now he has the excuse of Hopper to hang around her!

I'm glad the rabbit motif is working! Steve killing the rabbit was definitely supposed to be a death of innocence moment - or at least a death of ignorance. It marks the start of him getting involved in the upside down and thus moving away from his high school persona and the (slow) break down of his denial. The return to woods emphasized both how Steve's gotten better with his powers after practicing but also, like you said, his potential for growth in the future (both in his powers and personally). He takes comfort in the (literally found) family of rabbits and protects them even if it's from himself as a sort of "future Steve goals". Meanwhile past Steve, the dead rabbit, is helping the grass grow - while he can't go back to who he was or change the experiences that hurt him, they're still important parts of his life that he can use to create his future.

Also don't worry - it definitely made sense and it was really interesting to read your thoughts! Thank you so much for reading and sending this ask <3!!!

[nopeferatu]

awhile back someone in the brokeback tags was complaining abt people being upset at ennis' threats of violence against jack, saying that ennis didn't actually threaten to harm jack, but that when he said "what i dont know, all them things i dont know could get you killed if i come to know them" after finding out that jack had gone to mexico to hire male prostitutes was instead meant to be taken as a warning that jack's wreckless promiscuity would end up getting him found out by others and killed

and i just. like. can't agree at all, lmao. like yeah theres something to be said about ennis warning jack against looking for sex with men elsewhere, but the literal next few lines after ennis spits that at jack is jack responding with this:

"You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years, and you measure the short fuckin' leash you keep me on and then you ask me about Mexico, and you tell me you'll kill me for needin' somethin' that I don't hardly never get."

The whole point of the post was that people need to stop being so judgemental towards ennis' character and whatnot and like, i can definitely agree with that bc i have noticed a fair amount of people say that they can't get into the movie bc they find it very hard to empathize w ennis' character, but their justification for "leaving ennis alone" was that "ennis wasn't abusive or violent towards jack" and like. to me thats trying to purify a character who was purposely written to be "morally gray". also known as a messy ass realistic human being, lol

like. ennis is a violent character. he responds to multiple high emotion situations, both in the short story and in the screenplay, with violence, and jack is on the recieving end of that violence like. at LEAST twice. so like, you can't really argue that ennis didn't threaten to kill jack out of jealousy after learning that jack had been sleeping with other men, nor can you argue that this behavior isn't a little abusive or at the least motivated by a violent streak that we're already well aware that he has.

to me, his violent streak is part of the tragedy—its commentary on how rural men born in toxically masculine households are raised to repress their emotions so much that the only socially valid way of expressing them is through violence, and how much of a bad thing that social convention is is, not just for everyone around them but for the men themselves, too.

ennis is a really sad character. he makes a lot of bad decisions (decisions that the story doesn't actually condone, btw), but the story forces you to think deeply about those decisions and question them. particularly, it wants you to question what worldview these decisions are born from, and why he felt as though they were the only options he had. and once you've done that, then you just can't help but feel even worse for him in the end. its like a self fulfilling prophecy of grief. you can't let him off the hook, but you understand why he is the way he is, and why his life ended up being so sad.

idk. i just think its such a disservice to whitewash a character as interesting as ennis. like i think that more people definitely need to be more empathetic towards him as a character, especially if they really want to understand all the things that this story is commenting on, but i dont think you have to reinterpret him as something he's not (i.e.: nonviolent) in order to do that

#idk. let ennis be violent #i knowww we all want our precious gays to be morally pure and perfect and never cause any harm cause we dont want bad representation #or w/e #but like. storytelling is so much more compelling when we allow characters to be messy and not make the best choices and take the cleanest #course of action all the time #making ennis out to be nonviolent takes out like half of what makes him such an interesting character #especially with regards to jack. like. the whole reason why a lot of their more intimate interactions have a bit of a violent edge in them #is bc its commenting on the socially acceptable ways in which men are typically allowed to show affection w one another #like straight male society needs excuses in order for men to have physical contact w one another and so rough housing and fighting are the #only ways men are able to be physically close w other guys typically #like theres a whole cinematic language that revolves around a fight between two men having homoerotic undertones in it for a reason lol #anyways another long ass post but idk. like i do get mad when i see people try and purify these characters. it happens in fic and it also #happens in analysis posts too i guess #still brokeback posting

[ankhisms]

have surprised myself with how much ive been able to get done today altho i know ill be hit with exhuastion soon enough, rambling under the cut about things having mixed emotions but not all bad really

so my room in our house isnt really exactly my own room, its the room with the eletric box, water heater/softener closet, furnace filters, and the washer and dryer. its always been this way so im used to like not really ever having a space thats mine and mine alone but i wont get into that. anyway any time the seasons change (or often on my parents whim and never without any warning) we have to get to the water heater closet and the furnace filter so my room has to be torn apart to get to them. my bed is pushed up against the water heater closet so its like i sleep right next to a door so the bed has to be moved. anyway this is usually a very jarring and upsetting thing since it usually happens without warning or telling me and i have everything i own just moved without being told or warned. but today i decided to take agency in this and i was the one who moved the bed and moved all my things so my dad could get in and turn on the water so we can use the outside hose to water things.

ive been meaning to really deeply clean and sort like, everything i have and everything in my room for probably half a year now and to see what i might want to give away/keep and reorrange things and just like take stock of things for the HOPEFUL future where i can move out and be having my real own space yknow. i finally started this process and it felt good to get everything down and to really deeply dust, ive also been meaning to properly wash old stuffed animals of mine bc i love my stuffed animals dearly but some of the ones i had when i was younger are very clearly showing their age so i looked up tips and instructions on hand washing old stuffed animals and i tested it out on two ones that dont mean as much to me to see if it goes ok before trying to wash ones that i absolutely dont want to ruin and it went well! i definitely can feel myself starting to get tired and having more pain as i write this but im still happy with how much i cleaned and sorted along with washing my sheets/pillows/blankets

the thing that makes me have mixed emotions is that what ive also been meaning to do is.... take down and get rid of the things that were drawn by/given to me by the old long term friend who just suddenly cut me off with no warning or explanation and then only messaged me one more to weirdly say "well im hanging out with my new friends and theyre so cool and great" and not responding to me begging him to tell me what was going on or if i had done anything wrong and wanting to talk things out. we were long distance internet friends for over 10 years so i have a lot of drawings and books hed given me and i didnt really get to taking down a lot of drawings but i sorted through one book in particular, he used to do this thing where hed give me a comic book and hed put in sticky notes in a lot of pages with his thoughts on them. so i went through the pages and took out all the sticky notes one at a time since i want to give the comic book to someone i know will like it. and it was a very... weird feeling. taking them all out. i had read the notes and the book when he first gave it to me but now reading them it felt like.. more bitter than sweet but there was still sweetness there. i recognize looking back that i had rose tinted glasses on for the majority of our relationship and it was probably more toxic than i realized and i often blamed myself for harmful things he did. not at all saying hes a bad person or anything btw i just think we both were very damaged kids from abusive homes and i was probably toxic in ways i didnt realize as well im not without blame here but its weird to realize that our friendship wasnt as healthy as i thought it was. but reading those notes as i took them out it was like... he wrote these at a time where i know he loved me and considered me his close friend and i felt the same. and i still love him. the love i have for anyone, especially a close friend, does not just disappear. it stays within me and is not wasted. but it certainly feels like a weight on my chest in this moment.. i keep thinking, what happened? what changed? he didnt even give me this book that many years ago, maybe three or four at the longest. what happened to make him decide to cut me off like that? i dont know, and i know im not going to get closure. so i just have to hold the love i still have and let it ache but then i have to let go and continue trying to live

i dont know how soon im going to have the opportunity and resources to be able to leave my home situation, its become increasingly obvious to me that its not something i can achieve on my own for a multitude of reasons, i know ill need help and i try to remind myself that im not alone in it and that its not impossible for me to get to a safe environment where i dont feel scared and like a cornered animal. for now i feel good about my decision to try and make my living space feel nicer for myself, although im aware that it never really feels like my own space nor does it ever fully feel safe i still am trying to make jt more comfortable for myself while im here and i feel proud of myself for that

anyway thanks if you read this all, i hope youre doing well mwah

[fortunatelychaoticphantom]

I think it is also important to note that the palestinians are in the area they call palestine because they colonized it, arab conquest and onwards - doesn't mean I don't support an independent palestinian state in the palestinian territories or think israel is blameless or that reparations aren't owed, but the framing as if the indigenous people dispersed by the colonizing empires returning is the actual act of colonization weirds me out.

Original post for reference.

Okay, so it's a bit more complicated than that. And by "bit" I mean A LOT.

I think one of the central problems in the entire conflict, a major crux that is harming any and all attempts at reaching a solution is that we are trying to solve a literally ancient problem with modern tools. This is incredibly important to understand when we speak about the territories of "Israel" and "Palestine".

The short answer is that our (as in the popular laymen) definition of what "Israel" means in a historical view is completely wrong, and we were never alone here to begin with. There are certain aspects that I agree with you about, and there is a LOT of hypocrisy on the Palestinian side (as well as Western Leftists), but the fact is that they are very much indigenous to this land just like us. The problems is, like I said, what exactly do we call "Israel" in the first place.

Now, here is the long answer.

We need to break down the meaning of Israel first, and there are five of those:

Yaacov - First and foremost, the man, the legend, the asshole. Yaacov, or Jacob as English speakers might know him, was a biblical character that at a certain point in the story was given another name - Israel - and is considered to be the "father of the nation", which leads us to...

The people of Israel - the name that was given to the Hebrew people, or the Jewish people, after their legendary ancestor.

The Kingdom of Israel - one of the two ancient kingdoms of the Hebrew people*. (*I'm not gonna go into the question of whether the Israelites actually saw themselves as Hebrew and as a single People with the Judahites, because that's just way way way out of the scope of this tiny answer). This is the older, more powerful and more affluent kingdom that existed from around the middle of the 10th century BC until its destruction by the Assyrians in the Sargon II campaign of 720 BC, when many of its people were exiled, it completely lost its autonomy and was divided into 5 provinces, the most famous one of which being Samaria, named after the former capital of the kingdom (Shomron). At its prime, the kingdom's borders were these: On the Mediterranean shore in the west from around modern Rishon LeTzion north through Jaffa and all the way to Haifa. In the north the Galil and Ramat HaGolan. In the east it followed the Jordan river until about Beit Shean, where it veered east of the river to what is modern Jordan, to the Heights of Gilead (depending on the period and who won the most recent war of course...). And in the south it bordered the Kingdom of Judea, north of Jerusalem (probably around the area of modern Ramallah). Other major cities that were a part of this kingdom were Shechem, Jericho, the aforementioned Samaria, Dor, Meggido, Hazor.

The Land of Israel (Eretz Israel) - the geographical region that corresponds to the modern definitions of what certain people want the Full Israel to be and others want the Full Palestine to be. In this context, both of these names are stupid. This land is actually and more accurately called Canaan, as this is what the actual people who lived here and their neighbors called it, besides the specific names of kingdoms within it. Also, depending on your definition (weird modern, insane modern, normal ancient), this territory also includes certain areas in Jordan, Syrian and Lebanon. The names of this land were changed throughout the years by the people who conquered it, usually dividing it to different provinces, pahavot, and so on, until it was pretty much known just as Palestina by the Byzantine period (I think?? this is way out of my periods of expertise... I have seen the other side of the zero in like a decade).

The country of Israel - you know the one... the one we love to hate and hate to love... a country that exists in the modern world with... certain borders. Sometimes. Depending who you ask.

Now, that's Israel. But we need to talk about the other one. Yehuda (or Judea or Judah at different periods). This is the second of the two ancient Hebrew kingdoms. This is the smaller, weaker and poorer kingdom with infinitesimal local importance. None, actually, whatsoever. This tiny little thing throughout most of its history resided on the mountain area around Jerusalem, and not much more. But at its height it reached Lachish in the west (, the Dead Sea in the east, and Beersheba in the south. After the destruction of Israel it wished to spread north, to its sister kingdom's territories, and in certain periods (especially the Greek and Roman) it did. Judea sometimes also included the important city of Hebron.

There are two things that should be taken from my descriptions of the borders of the two kingdoms - first, that these are, in fact, kingdoms, and that the modern concept of borders should absolutely not be applied to them, as they constantly change and move and shift, both by inner and outer machinations. To an Israelite, the eastern Jordan is a 100% a part of their homeland. But the only people who would dare suggest such a thing today are not exactly on the normal side of the political scale, not even on the right wing of it. Which is probably a good thing...

The second thing that should be taken is the vary glaring absence of the entire southern (HaNegev) and south-western areas of modern Israel. That's because those weren't ours. In the south-west lived a people called Plishtim (or as they are known in English, Philistines. It's a little complicated calling them a people, as some scholars are veering off of that in recent years, but we'll leave it at that for this time). These were several city-states that rose and fell in different periods, and to the most part disappeared as an entity into the broad Canaanite identity in later periods. The main cities they controlled were Gaza, Ashkelon, Ashdod, Gath, Ekron and Gezer (depending on the period). In the south was the Kingdom of Edom, who also spread east into modern Jordan.

This Edomite kingdom in particular is important in relation to that one city I mentioned earlier - Hebron. Like I said, this city was sometimes in Judahite control, and sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes they saw themselves as Judeans, and sometimes they didn't. Why am I mentioning this? Well, because Hebron happens to be the "birth place" of a particular mythical character - Abraham. By "birth place" I mean the place the myth was created. Abraham is an autochthonous character of this city, which specific connections to a particular temple in Elonei Mamre, that predates all of these kingdoms by a lot. This character was adopted by the Judahites as an ancestor when they ruled the city, but when other people ruled it, they adopted the traditions as well. This is just one example (and a particularly important one that affected the course of world history and the development of certain religions) of the flexibility and dynamism of kingdoms, borders and even ethnic identities.

But of coarse, a certain rebellion came and went, and the second temple was destroyed in 70 AD. Any remnants of Jewish independence and autonomy in Canaan were erased, and most of the Jewish people were exiled. Then the second rebellion came, and most of the few that remained were exiled or killed as well. And then came the name change... I won't go into where the name Palestina came and why, because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the fact that we were no longer the rulers (even if under the authority of bigger rulers) of any territory of this land. That's when other people came in. Some from other areas in Canaan, other from outside it.

The Palestinians themselves are probably, to some extent, descendants of both the Philistines, the Edomites, other Canaanites and Beduin, and yes other outside Arabs and other-other peoples who have moved through this land or even conquered it. They are probably also related to us as well. Like I said, ethnic identity and nationality were very very very flexible back then. Heck, we converted half of the northern territories of Israel (the former territories of the Kingdom of Israel, that were populated by exiles that were brought by the Assyrians, Babylonians and Persians from other areas) during the reign of the Hashmonaim (Greek period).

So the thing is that when we say "Israel", what we mean is the Land of Israel, but that doesn't actually corresponds to our actual ancestral homeland, not entirely. It was also the home of other people, who are themselves the ancestors of the Palestinians. If you look at it like that, what you see is that actually, in an ancient sense (ignoring all modern context), we are colonizing some of their territories, like Ashkelon and Ashdod, and they are colonizing some of out territories, like Jericho, Shechem, and yes - Jerusalem.

And this is the thing that I absolutely agree with you on, and I really wish there was less hypocrisy about it from the other side. Like, I'm absolutely an atheist, and for all I care they can take it all if it means peace. and honestly I hate this city, but also, like, that's ours. That is indisputably, unquestionably, irrevocably an ancient Jewish city. The City. Unlike other cities, at no point in the entire existence of the entity that can be called Judea was this city in the hands of anyone else but us. Not even after the destruction of the first temple.

This is incredibly simplified and completely one-sided, but I can't help but imagine what if it weren't about Jewish people. Imagine that Italy was made of independent city-states and small kingdoms (like it used to). Imagine that India came and conquered it. Imagine that the Romans (as in the people of the city of Rome) decided to rebel. Imagine that it went horribly wrong. Imagine that most of the Romans were banished, exiled from Italia to roam the world. Imagine that the Indians also destroyed the Vatican, and in its place built a Hindu temple. Imagine that a few centuries later The Germans came. But its okay right? I mean their Europeans! What's the difference between Germans and Italians, right? So the Germans come and they fight the Indians for centuries, and they destroy the Hindu temple and build a new magnificent temple to Odin. Unbelievably beautiful. Many worshipers of Odin from all over the world come to see this temple. Imagine that 1700 years after they were exiled, the Roman finally have an opportunity to come to their homeland. Imagine that they do that, waging war against the Germans and the German-Italian city-states in Italia. Imagine that they win to the most part, and that they ask the Germans if they could come pray on the ground where once stood the holiest of their temples, the actual goddam Vatican. Imagine the Germans going full Horse-Loose-In-A-Hospital and screaming "if you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves" and calling the Romans "colonizers". Anyway, if a people that weren't Jewish would have returned to their homeland after more than a thousand years, there would have been outcries of Western Leftist circle to destroy the Odin temple... (which I am absolutely against, both in metaphor and in the real world, and will never support because I'm not out of my mind. Also, it really is pretty...).

To sum up - like I said, life is a shit show, and a tragic one at that. The pain of existence is that even when you are right, others are right as well about the same issue in a completely opposite way. Which sucks. But that's what you get for letting the Assyrians do whatever they want...

#anyway blame the assyrians #for starting this mess #also blame us for not being down to wearing togas and chilling in roman theaters #i hope you'll see this #it took me two hours to write this #i always wonder how anons find out if they got an answer #i hope it wasn't too rambly #jewish things #israel #archaeology #ancient history #history #ip conflict

[bugmin]

i'm not gonna lie i didn't bother watching mid 90s until my brother made me coz i thought it was gonna be some plotless indie movie abt nothing but erm. okay. that was incredibly heartbreaking. i am so sad for that child. first of all, look how fucking small he is 😭😭😭

this shot made me so sick to my stomach solely bcoz of the size comparison. THATS A BABYYYYYY 😭😭😭 and the ending?? i literally thought it was just beginning to wrap up and then the credits roll. i said "that's it?!" idk i did not feel more 'at peace' or w/e abt the trauma stevie experienced . dont get me wrong it's not a bad movie like the soundtrack was banger after banger i'm just ...ALSO did fuckshit not get arrested??? he was driving while severely intoxicated and crashed w multiple ppl involved including a very young minor child. why is he not in jail??? if i was stevie's mama he'd be hanged drawn and quartered in the town square ☝️😭 expeditiously i say. how DARE yall put my child in that situation. ANY of those situations!!! but stevie's mama didn't seem very engaged w her children's lives in the first place ... couldn't have been me tho. but yeah as for the ending in general i thought it was gonna have a stronger conclusion as to like... how easily children get taken advantage of and led down dangerous/difficult paths especially if they have a poor home life/support system, and maybe how just one kind, attentive person (i.e ray) can save a life in ways that doesnt necessarily require any superhero acts. the scene of stevie and ray in the shop while ray is setting up his new skateboard ? oh my god. so endearing. so comforting. i wanted more scenes like that but instead at the end im left wondering?? is stevie ever gonna learn to cope with intense emotions in ways that dont evoke self harm? was he truly inspired by rays ambition and drive and decided to follow in his steps rather than fuckshit for whom it is astoundingly unclear if he was punished literally or narratively and learned from his mistakes? not to mention the statutory rape that occured at the party was never actually condemned iirc aside from the fleeting 3 seconds of outrage from the mother but i get it cld be somewhat of a testament to how poorly understood male sexual abuse/assault is and was at the time. but fuckshit and his drunk driving that almost killed stevie? i dont get that. why was there no outrage or condemnation coz upon seeing fuckshit and the others in the hospital waiting room the mother seems to forgive them instantly. huh?! that easily?! and the orange juice from the brother? im sawry but go fuck urself.. that is not redemption enough for me to be like "oh yay you'll definitely stop abusing him now" coz in my experience with abuse, the anger and hostility eventually rears its ugly head back around even if they're genuinely remorseful bc the root of the issue has not been addressed. and maybe the ending was trying to say smth abt stevie falling in love with idealization and the sense of camaraderie he found with these other skaters despite the slippery slope that is gaining validation/acceptance at any and all costs. but that commentary seemed to vanish in the hospital coz what i kinda got was "yeah but this shit is still dope asf" ?? like sure but i dont think we were arguing that. skateboarding could be and is a really great outlet for stevie but i just dont feel that satisfied w the ending. is his mother gonna be more engaged in his life? is that jackass brother actually gonna change his ways so he can start protecting and nurturing stevie like he should rather than bullying and assaulting him? even so, why must it take a near death experience when all stevie has done is crave his love? ugh. just breaks my heart. and did fuckshit even have a wakeup call? does stevie fully understand that violence is not inherent to him? idk. i think it really needed another 15 minutes but, hey, LA in a pretty filter. whats not to love

#yeah yeah i'm lame whatever. yay for cool skaters #txt #i dunno mannn i was on an edible when i watched it #i just felt so sad and disturbed for stevie 😭 #cant say i didnt wish at some point that we were watching white chicks instead or smth . that shit was more intense than i was expecting