#because 5 years is nothing to her

[pagesofkenna]

Two small moments, chapters apart, from Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, which made me want to tear up

The context is that Frieren is an elf mage whose party saved the world decades ago, but to her the adventure was a ten-year blip in her centuries-long life. She's trying to connect to people better now, as she and her new apprentice collect spells and do odd jobs which seemingly have no purpose... until you learn what the deeper context is

(right after those first panels they visit an old statue built to honor an old adventuring companion, which has rusted over with age)

#frieren #just like. the moment you realize the rust spell had a purpose you think ok did the grape spell have a purpose or was that just to be silly #so the very casual reveal that its her old friends favorite food? that she remembered and learned how to make it? #her apprentice keeps asking why shes pursuing nagic like this bc frieren keeps insisted its 'just a hobby' not something shes passionate for #but she spends YEARS trying to decode a magic book for s friend just because he asked #and she was like 'suee that'll only tane about 5 years i think' #because 5 years is nothing to her #honestly she might NOT be that into magic! but its a skill that takes a long time to cultivate. and shes got the time #anyway this series is gonna get me goodi can feel it

[carefulfears]

the scully of fight the future who doesn’t want a career in the bureau at all if she can’t do it with him. who debated even telling him that she’s quitting in person, and feels like her loss won’t even make a difference: he doesn’t need her, she only holds him back. the scully who doesn’t even make it to the elevator. the way that as soon as he starts speaking, she goes silent. she can’t even respond. this is not a debate. tears just pour down her face, as he tells her that she owes nothing. that she has made her favorite person, a “whole” person. that she has saved him “a thousand times over.” and she stays completely silent. all she can do is cry, and hold him, and kiss his forehead. how small she must feel sometimes…being dragged from one spot to the next, following along. the way her face just collapses as she moves from holding onto his shoulder to pull him down to her. he breaks her open sometimes.

#she believes in him so much and she thinks he can save the world even if she moves on. and he’s so frustrated he’s almost angry #as he just spits out at her that she’s the entire reason he’s here. #‘i owe you EVERYTHING. scully…and you owe me nothing.’ #from the person she believed in so much she nearly lost her life to follow him!! whom she looked up to from her deathbed #and said take EVERYTHING i have left!!! my dignity my reputation my dying breaths take it ALL!!! #her ahab!! #and she owes nothing. she is everything. she matters. #and she’s been going back/forth with him every day for 5 years but she is rendered with nothing to say. #nothing to do but cry and hold him and hold him and hold him #make him bow his head to her so she can kiss it and try to absolve him. like he did her in that hospital hallway. #so much grief in being needed #it just says so much that the only time she ever considers leaving him is because she thinks SHE is bad for HIM. #and he tells her……i cannot do it without you. but i expect nothing from you anyway. #and being told she’s needed by her best friend reduces her to tears. no wonder. #txf.txt #ftf

[aurantia-ignis]

"Can I have this dance~"

Doodled this for animation practice. Also I miss them.

#portwell #they deserve it #and also because this is one of my favourite songs from the whole hsm series #I stared at the flower print dress and thought about animating that and said uh no put her in pink #drawing her braids without animating is already a pain but her braids are so cute.... #tbh I've never drawn Real People there was a part of me that went YOU NEED TO PAINT THEM TO MAKE THEM LOOK MORE LIKE THE ACTORS #but then I wouldn't be able to animate them without spending a whole month painting #and the point of this was animation LOL #anyway this turned out slightly better than I expected #I had a couple of extra hair movement frames but ultimately realised they muddied the flow and added nothing #that's today's takeaway from animation practice! #if anyone told me 5 years ago that my first human gif animation in years would be of a disney teen show with melodrama and a broken ship #I wouldn't believe them lol #but here we are #hsmtmts #my scribbles

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

just watched 5x21 (saviors) and godddddd cameron is such a closeted lesbian/aromantic

#i mean this is nothing i didn't already know but damn #the way she was avoiding being around chase and simultaneously avoiding breaking up with him...honey... #idk as someone who dated a man for two years while figuring out i was gay #(and (platonically) cared about that man a lot) #i Feel her #and the way she doubled down at the end of the episode and asked him to propose to her?? #even though she literally said she didn't want that?? #with the flimsy 'oh i don't want him to propose just bc kutner died last week' excuse #like girl???? #baby no you just don't want to be with him #because you either need to be with a woman #or opt out of romance entirely and just have fun sexytimes with women and possibly men too #please cameron my love you will be so much happier that way #house md #house season 5 #house 5x21 #op

[5ducksinatrenchcoat]

school kinda sucks, not even gonna lie

#its been one day #how am i gonna do this for 10 more months?? #nothing bad even happened! and it still sucked! #and new uniform rules like oohoohoo that'll make the kids happier #no more sweatpants under my skirt?? have they forgotten we like in canada?? where its fucking freezing?? #and we got a lecture in each class about “academic integrity” #and also my hair looked like shit even though it looked good when i woke up #and i have 2 classes with my arch nemesis (some kid i hate for literally no reason other than we compete for top student every year) #very frances and daniel of me #UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #and my friend who i have a crush on moved schools without telling me (we're not that close) #and moved to my ex's school (they're friends) #but she's twins with my good friend who didn't switch schools so i'll see her again #but i wish she didn't leave #and she told some of my friends i think but i only found out cuz my ex told me (we're still friends) #and also my parents didn't let me go to a concerty thing tonight that i really wanted to go to because i have dance #but now i'm not even going to dance because i'm so fucking tired (i need my full 9 hours)(i got about 5 hours last night) #sorry about how many tags i put but i'm too worried to make an actual long post

[ef-1]

Thomas Hardy said Neutral Tones, baby

#i have a couple of days to decide whether or not to fly out and spend my birthday with my dad #im like. trying to be an adult. and work on my relationship with my dad and mend it because i love him alot #i know he loves me so so so much in return. like its the polar opposite of my mother. he always has. #but every now and then that deep resentment resurfaces and all i can think about is how apathetic and detached he was. #and hes been so present and active over the last 5-6 years. i know this is him trying #her church and her schools and her books and her poetry and her colours and her everything #nothing of his culture. nothing of what makes him himself was shared with me. I had to put the pieces of him together #and its only a pale imitation of his brilliance but its also all that ive ever had access to #all that i was allowed to have. #when lana said: here's the deal; my father never stepped when his wife would rage at me- so i grew up awkward but sweet etc #its clearly universal y'know 😍 men being emotionally unavailable 😍😍😍😍 #anyway we're working on breaking the cycle !!1 #so i will probably fly out #its just hashtag a l o t

[anotherpapercut]

posts with library workers discussing library business where they feel the need to make it very clear whether or not they have an MLS are so annoying. like that makes them the ultimate authority on basic ass library shit that even most regular patrons understand

#its just a bullshit class barrier and its annoying as hell seeing non library world people just accept that #it was always wild when i was a page and the MLS havers would assume i was too stupid to grasp very basic library concepts #but since ive been working and volunteering at the library I currently work at for 12 years i always know what theyre talking about #so it just ends up being this awkward interaction where theyre trying to explain something to me like im 5 #and i just cut them off and finish explaining it in more precise terms because im actually not 5 #im just not wealthy enough to go to school for 6 years in order to maybe land a 31k/yr job if im very lucky <3 #no one will ever be able to convince me that this makes sense as a masters program as opposed to a 2 year certificate program #one of my coworkers got her bachelors in fucking antiquities bc she wanted to pick the easiest possible degree #because your ba has literally nothing whatsoever to do with the mls. there are library ba programs but not many #most people end up getting a random degree that they have 0 intention of ever even thinking about again #you cant tell me thats not idiotic and specifically intended to keep out people who cant afford this

[princekirijo]

Morgana is such an interesting character to me purely because whenever I see him my instant reaction is torn between petting him or drop kicking him out a window

#persona 5 #yeah we main tagging this #lmk if i need to tag this as anything ig #but istg #hes a cat #he acts like a 10 year old #and there's nothing wrong with that fr!! #hes born yesterday in the most literal sense #it makes sense he'd be so childish! #but god is he INFURIATING at times #im not even talking about the okumura arc because maybe this is a hot take but that's not the worst thing about him #the whole arc set up was flimsy so even though they drop hints about whats gonna happen its still sloppy in execution #but no i absolutely HATE how he talks for the main character sometimes #i get it hes the companion character hes there for the player #but do i really need his input every two minutes #and how he acts around ann omfgggggggg #i am gonna throw him #like its nice hes sweet to her at the start because good lord she NEEDS that #i know the two boys mean well but they can come off kinda rude to her at the beginning idk 😭 #so mona being nice is good but also you can just TELL he's only doing it for himself 😭 #“hes like a 10 year old hes like a 10 year old HES BASICALLY A KID” <- chanting this to myself every time he annoys me #i dont hate him at all tbh he just really gets on my nerves #in the grand scheme of things there are worse companion/mascot characters #and to be fair the gameplay is what makes him the most annoying as opposed to the story itself #so is it really his fault

[maddy-ferguson]

"Quick test tho, replace girlfriend with boyfriend and see if ur still bothered by it." me when i'm 7 and have yet to realize that men and women have a very different place in the social hierarchy because we live in a society

#joke 7-year-olds have already realized this because they're smarter than the person i'm quoting #and because they're boys and girls themselves and are treated differently based on that from the moment they're born lmao #i was reading a book the other day (last month) where boys were already doing the weaponized incompetence thing and girls already cleaned #up after them automatically without being asked BEFORE THE AGE OF 5 like it's bad for us (it was like a sociological study) #and literally the weaponized incompetence thing makes sense it's normal/smart to try to get out of doing something you don't wanna do like #chores and stuff but it's the fact that girls internalize that they have to be the ones who stop doing what they're doing to clean up after #boys/men AS CHILDREN and then keep doing that for the rest of their lives. i'll kill myself #i was raised with just my sister and my mom and my sister is the man of the house in the sense that i'll ask her to do things a certain #way a thousand times because it's better for everyone and she'll always be like yeah you're right and then never do it. and i'm always like #if i actually had to go through that with a partner...and with male partners statistically i probably would #when women make posts like oh look what my boyfriend/husband bought vs what i asked for haha he's so silly...KILL HIM #anyway. my point was you internalize it early enough to realize some of it is off as a kid. so why would you say there's nothing wrong with #saying something about women if the same thing being said about men doesn't offend you #like are you stupid #and like i say: brf slt

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[imnotfinebutimfine]

miranda's "it's like she's some sort of clock that's finally struck its chime and woken me from this dream we've been living" about abigail ashe in 2.08 vs "your clock by the wall -" in 2.09... is that anything

#black sails #miranda waking up to their reality in a serious way for the first time? #the realization of how much time has passed stuck in nassau? #the realization that nothing no matter how hard she hoped could go back to normal #she can't go back to the house that had thomas's stuff in it and be with little 5 year old abigail anymore because the house was torn apart #its pieces given away #and abigail has grown up #and what does miranda do when the clock strikes and she wakes the fuck up? #she takes a page from flint's book #starts calling for blood and destruction to soothe her broken heart #anyway. maybe this is smth maybe not... #also. someone else may have had this realization ten million years ago so sorry about that if true #mine

[raveartts]

simultaneously wanna redesign Alex to have a more overly complex sparkledog ravecore design vs wanting to redesign her to be simpler and quicker to draw ;_;

#rave.characters #nothing stopping me from making it even more complex and then just having a simple version of that #but also that's basically what i already do #and i literally JUST made a ref sheet i refuse to make another until at least 5 years have passed #but also i wanna change her physique #and i wanna give her HORNS #idk why i've never given her fucking horns she should get wings too #maybe just as an alt design but she deserves draconic features #she's my FURSONA and i chose a fucking FOX???? with zero dragon features #at one point it was fennec fox mixed with german shepherd traits #which at least made some sense #but c'mon #thank god i can make alt designs for days #i need to redesign her serial killer au design because it feels so...plain #it needs to be cooler but idk how to achieve that #the answer is gonna be dragon features isn't it

[tendercoretroglodyke]

I can't believe I'm still saying this 5 seasons in but. the way at LEAST half of all the disasters on desperate housewives would've been avoided if any one of these women had ever heard of abortion....

#i just dont get it #like ok i KINDA see how you can justify this being a plot point when the teen daughter of the superchristian housewive gets pregnant #(though it shouldve at least been a part of the discussion...) #but like. Lynette didnt even want her FIRST child #much less her... what is it now? 5th child?? #or 5 and half i suppose if you half-count her husbands daughter with another woman #(who was shot right next to you and whose daughter you promised to care for right before she died) #(who you sent away to live with her grandparents because her acting out from her moms traumatic death was too much for you) #oh wait! no my bad #this will be lynette's 5.5ths AND 6.5ths (????) children because apparently shes having TWINS. AGAIN #like. lynette. you are in your mid to late 40s. youve raised 4 children and are finally getting your oldests out of the house #you only recently reentered the workforce #your husband is struggling so hard to get a job he decided to go back to college to learn mandarin to get a leg up in the industry??? #LYNETTE. ABORTIONS WERE INVENTED FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU!! I AM BEGGING!! #lynette if i beg hard enough will you hear me through the screen and 15 years time separating us #lynette. Can You Hear Me #do NOT #have these children #girl. listen to me. you are going to have to pay 8 college tuitions. and with WHAT savings??? #your restaurant just TANKED you have NOTHING in the bank!! #count with me! #2 kids just heading into college + 2 younger kids who will be going to college (at least 1 no doubt getting a phd) #+ 1 kid you sent away but will still have to pay for #+ 1 husband who figures he'll go back to college cos he cant find a job #PLUS 2 more kids on the way??? #= 8!! 8 tuitions!! a few are bound to go for grad degrees too! do you have ANYTHING tucked away for them?? #lynette. kill them kids #Abort Those Embryos!! #now!! #desperate housewives lb

[gunthermunch]

Last night I went back and read the munches from the beginning and ngl seeing how close Wolfgang and Morgan seemed before he blocked her kinda broke my heart. Like he gave her number to yuki so they could start talking, he was there when she felt bad about Moira and her homophobia, she was there through Wolfgang’s depressive moments but also didnt take his bullshit… like man. They were good friends and he just removed himself from it so suddenly. I can’t imagine how Morgan feels because of it

yeah,,,,, yeah. i can confirm morgan misses him a lot, nothing works the same without your forever friend

#none of them is having a good time and they wont get over it for a while #when me and my best friend since diapers stopped talking one day for multiple reasons (yet we cant pinpoint exactly why) #we couldnt bare the mention of one another #like. separately. i know this because we reconnected this year after 5 years of withdrawal #nothing was the same without her so yeah. i think i get wolfgang #it sucks #ask #gm reply

[pepprs]

crying again lol ok

#purrs #and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking #damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I #miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out #FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks #being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i #even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just #text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or #at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju #just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an #and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be #been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode #and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b #be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a #breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing #on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here #delete later #like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway #and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy. #retreat tag