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lovely-maryj · 3 months

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warnings: spoilers for xavier, zayne and maybe rafayel's anecdotes and just spoilers for love and deepspace in general; cursing like usual lol

so i finally unlocked xavier'a 2nd anecdote, and it's so sad??? like so fucking sorrowful and the angst???

i mean, i was already spoiled about it cuz my sister saw a tiktok about it and she told me but the writing??? that, i did not expect omg

so xavier is definitely really old lmao. i didn't expect it to be told in mc's pov so i was expecting it to be jeremiah or some other person xavier knows but i'm definitely not complaining.

i expected that the 'mc dying in xavier's arms' moment to be in his 3rd anecdote so i was surprised

[edit (10 Feb 2024): the anecdotes apparently switch places when one gets unlocked lmao. so this is actually his 3rd anecdote and it just became the 2nd one because i unlocked it first. sorry for the confusion TT]

can anyone explain to me what kind of being xavier is cuz like it was implied that he isn't human??? he (and jeremiah) is giving long-life species from the xianzhou loufu. or is it only mc that "doesn't have a hundred years" because of her protocore syndrome?? so if it weren't for that, she'd live as long as the others or??

someone pls explain TT

i tried reading the deepspace message thingies but maybe i was really sleep-deprived when i read about philos so i didn't absrob and comprehend a single thing

while we're talking about anecdotes, what the hell is up with zayne's second???

like is it an au or is it further down the timeline (i.e., the future)???

(i actually unlocked zayne's still in dark anecdote first and i'm just only talking about this now lol)

but how is he getting dreams of our present timeline?? and how did he break the 4th wall during that one dream?? all he did was reach for mc's cheek and she was suddenly like "you're not zayne". and can we talk about how people are turning into wanderers?? and zayne is a wanted serial killer. i mean, not for the reasons one would think without any context but he is definitely wanted by the law. also he's so sad?? his apartment is so bare he only has a bed and a dresser in his room?? he wants to be a doctor because in his dreams, he is one?? and even in this universe/lifetime, he is still an orphan. he was orphaned twice??? in the same life??? damn

anyways, ppl, pls explain what the hell is up w/ these anecdotes. spoil me all you like cuz i really wanna know

i haven't unlocked rafayel's yet, sadly. idk how lmao. i mean, it says i should have at least 10 4*/5* cards so that would means it's the same criterion for the others right?? but i don't have 10 4*/5* of zayne nor do i have that many of xaviers?? like i don't get it TT

but i did hear (from my sister ofc) that he became an art teacher in mc's high school??? to like see how she's been?? and he hired a p.i to like watch her from afar?? and he told said p.i to stay away from her when p.i sent him a pic of mc??

does that mean rafayel is older than mc? cuz there is no fucking way he became an art teacher if he's younger than her. and it says on his profile that he's 24?? if he was way older than he looked, then his age would be listed as "???" like xavier's but it isn't. so he's actually 24? that make mc at least 21 i think?? cuz if mc was like 18 (senior year) in rafayel's 2nd anecdote, he's be 21 and that's believable for an art teacher rt?? i actually dk how old mc is in his anecdote but my sister said she was a student.

[edit (10 Feb 2024): he actually became a lecturer at mc's university, not high school lmao]

what i'm sure of is that means he definitely recognized her when they first met (again in his pov) with the goldfish in the main story. why the hell did he walk away so fast tho?? he didn't even let mc finish speaking :( (i will forever hold this over his head)

[edit (10 Feb 2024): so there's a reason for this and i'm thinking it has to do with how mc "betrayed" him in their past lives or smth. that makes me sad]

i know he's a merman from lemuria cuz i finished all available chapters. but why the fuck did i gasp so loud lmao cuz i also already knew he was a merman both from spoilers and the "nightly stroll" chapter in his "falling for you" thingy

i also just wanna know how exactly they met the actual first time?? and how did mc forget?? if i met a merman or someone equally as magical when i was a kid, i'd never let anyone forget it.

anyways, i guess i'll keep pulling for more cards 'til i unlock his anecdote so i can finally (hopefully) piece things together

(i hope none of this was confusing to read. if so, i'm so fucking sorry TT)

#love and deepspace #xavier #zayne #rafayel #lmj.rambles

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skyloftian-nutcase · 10 months

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silver and i were discussing the ethics of physical restraint in medical situations and we were wondering what your opinion is?

obviously i'm super biased, i know that it can cause a lot of trauma and isn't very efficient anyway. i can reluctantly admit that it might be best if the patient is too out of it/violent/dying. in trust fall, legend's injuries aren't life-threatening, he's fighting back out of self defense, and he's very much aware of what's happening and already has major trauma from this happening before. so the medic would say that he was in the right, even though he wasn't.

but since you actually have to be on the other side, when/why do you decide that physical restraint is the best/only option?

Physical restraints are definitely a complicated issue, for sure. I was actually just dealing with this last night. In the specific context of Legend's situation, if I had a patient who was injured but not dying and who was actively trying to hurt me I'd just stay the hell away and let him bleed lol, I ain't getting myself beaten up over that. He'd probably get arrested for trying to hurt me, though, because if I were doing an EMS call and my patient got violent I would call PD, they're our guardian angels whether people like them or not. I usually try to de-escalate situations before they get to that point, but my and my partner's safety is higher priority than the patient's - that's how we're all taught. We can't help anybody if our patient knocks us out. If Legend had just said "I'm fine, please leave me alone" and sounded terrified the correct response would be to try to talk to him and when it became clear he wasn't going to let anyone touch him then maybe leave supplies with him, talk to someone who he trusts to take care of him, and leave. We can't force care on someone who's with it, they have a right to refuse.

But in general with restraints, it's... not something we try to go for as a first choice. Situations can be difficult - there's a huge difference between someone who's injured but with it and isn't dying vs someone who has a head injury and therefore is out of it, or someone who is suicidal and will hurt others who try to stop them, or someone who's high as a kite and frothing at the mouth going insane on drugs, or someone who's delirious from extreme illness and fatigue. Last night I had a patient with meningitis who was so freaking out of it, dude kept trying to pull out his IVs and he was receiving life saving treatment through them, kept trying to pull out his feeding tube and he'd starve to death without it, kept trying to get out of bed and he'd fall and hurt himself if he did so - not to mention he had a lumbar drain, which if that gets dislodged can lead to paralysis and death. So clearly he needed to be kept in line. However, he was also redirectable - he was confused as hell but he wasn't violent. If you told him he was safe, told him where he was, and said he needed to rest, he eventually settled. So while my provider offered to give me the option of using restraints on him, I declined - he had a sitter who could redirect him, and honestly I felt the restraints would agitate him more in his state. Another patient on the unit, however, was confused as hell and tried to lunge at a nurse to hurt her. He got restraints and a sedative, and he slept though the night just fine. Yet another patient in the ICU had hit multiple nurses multiple times before the providers finally let us put restraints on him - and that guy was with it, he was just being an ass. It's a nuanced thing. I think they're necessary but only in special circumstances.

#you ask skye answers #lovely triforce of mischief

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kenas-artstuff · 1 year

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Hello! i'm getting the brainworms so i apologize for the length of this ask and if it's not that coherent

So on the subject on MiA with adult protagonists i'm thinking about the potential with like Riko getting to have her first true adventure and taste of freedom after a shitty childhood (or lack of thereof), finally getting to experience new things even as a young adult is still such a cathartic experience and can cause childlike wonder. it's relatable and still tragic in a way so there's no loss at her not being a kid!!

She can still be knowledgeable and kind despite what happened to her and realistically a bit oblivious bc let's be real early 20s are a confusing mess for anyone. i think she might even hit it off still very well with a Prushka around her age bc there could be a contrast and wonder in Riko's early life without her parents, and Prushka who despite being in the Abyss still somehow had a parent (parents?? depending on how you picture the Umbra Hands when they're not in factory reset mode) and some semblance of a childhood. Their time together might be too short for that if sticking with canon but i'm a bit weak for Prushka introducing Riko to basic childhood experiences that she didn't really have bc of the orphanage and how much it sucked

Riko and Reg being young adults could still 100% cause them to be treated like inexperienced children by other delvers bc it is essentially what they are. and it would make more sense i think that ppl just let them go into the Abyss in this case instead of just accepting that a bunch of little kids are going down there unsupervised like in canon yknow. sure it's a fucked up world but what the hell

It's clear that MiA doesn't need the main cast to be children bc it's shown plenty that it can do shock value if it needs to. hell one of my favorite scenes is still the one with Gyarike in the field of Eternal Fortunes; the state the delvers are in the and powerlessness of Reg & co next to Gyarike who is much more experienced, pragmatic, and here to do what must be done works so incredibly well in my opinion. it hits hard and is a wonderful slap to get you back into what MiA is like if you experience it through the movie

There would still be enough shock value, there would be wonders and discoveries, there would still be Horrors, but at the very least we wouldn't have to experience the author being a creep 💀 your rewrite is just gonna become the canon in my mind truly

YES SO MUCH YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!!

I'm especially a fan of your point abt Riko and Reg being treated like the inexperienced rookies they are, and omg I didn't even think of the logistics of whole adults just letting 12 year olds go on a suicide mission. jesus fuck man O_O This just cements my decision to make them adults even more LOL

Also the point of Riko being able to enjoy a wondrous, free second childhood in the abyss because she had to grow up basically ostriziced and put under her mother's shadow, all while being stuck in Orth as her friends kept growing up and delving deeper and deeper... FUCK MAN... This makes me think of what to change her title to bc at first i was thinking of "Sovereign of Hope" instead of Children, but with this context, she could also be the "Sovereign of Wonder" or "Truth"... SO MANY POSSIBILITIES

AND THEN PRUSHKA, who I always imagined to be just a bit older than Riko, would be a wonderful opportunity to show Riko that sort of family and childhood bond, and having true friends and doing fun little things together! ESPECIALLY to show Riko that she ALREADY ACQUIRED THOSE in Reg and Nanachi, and was just too focused on the abyss and finding her mom (coughLive up to her mom's projected legacycough) to really notice what kind of bonds she actually formed - and all that VERY neatly ties into the whole theme of bonds between people and their shared wishes!!!

Ahhhh thanks for all the brainworms I am eating them up like crazy >>>>>>:)

#kena answers #made in abyss #mia rewrite

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golbrocklovely · 5 months

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letting you know this that shifting anon! i tagged you in my post because it’s too much for the ask box 😭

sorry for not responding sooner. i had a crazy day at work and was just super tired haha

i'm gonna respond to your post here instead of in replies or a reblog.

so when i was in school, i was able to get my work done on time. i'm kinda worse now with time management, but if i know i have to get something done, i'll get it done by the date it needs to be done at. even if that means struggling the whole time to get it done fast enough lol

idk what types of flowers they were, and having been on that campus (at that point) almost four years, they NEVER died like that before. and there's no way someone burned it without there being some form of message sent out to campus. plus by spring they grew back. so it was just so odd that they all of sudden died when they were alive literally the day before.

to give some slight more background into what i audition for and whatnot, so i audition, back to back days the previous week for a musical and play. the play, i had a gut feeling i wasn't gonna get strictly bc i was the first person sent home lol the musical on the other hand, i went thru callbacks and shit like that so i was a bit confused as to why i didn't even get considered or whatnot. but the director, who was also my advisor, ended up picking her own child and her friends to be in the show. so…. nepotism at it's finest.

and to be a skeptic on my own end: while i don't think it was a manic thing, bc even after i graduated and really sat with the fact i wasn't gonna have another show or two to add to my name, i still really wasn't upset about it. it was weird as hell how pippy skippy i became after getting the news when 10/10 times i usually would be upset, beat myself up over it, and cry.

but…. it's possible that i realized how lucky i got. bc the play i auditioned for, the director for that i had worked for once. i wasn't in a production, but i was her assistant and then became a stage manager. and let me tell you, that woman did not, at any given point, have her shit together. like, if you feel like your life is messy, you don't even hold a CANDLE to her mess. so i wasn't too heartbroken over not being in that show. then the musical… again, i think it was realizing i didn't have to worry about the director, who was also my advisor… who barely did any advising. i could spend the rest of my senior year in peace and just do whatever i wanted to. i only talked to her once or twice afterwards and that was bc of a senior project i had to do that she graded and passed me on.

my advisor/director, i'm telling you, had object permance problems when it came to me. there had been multiple times when she wouldn't even tell me there were auditions so the night before i would scramble to learn and entirely new song just to go perform it the next day. that happened multiple times. and just to add some more context for fun, her husband was the music director. so he dealt with the music side, she directed the actors. we did a production of into the woods. i auditioned, got callbacks, genuinely thought i had a chance at a major role, only to not get it. and i remember being outside the theater when they were practicing, i think bc i had a class in that same building. he came out, said hi to me, we chatted for a quick second, and then he very softly said to me "i'm sorry you didn't make it in… you should have" or something like that and then walked off.

so….. she might have just hated me for some reason lol so that could be why i was able to be like "you know what, i'm very happy i'm not dealing with you anymore."

but it didn't make sense how quickly i became happy. bc as someone that has suffered with depression since i was kid (and also didn't know i was suffering at the time this took place), happiness is not something that comes easily to me. i can be happy for a brief moment, sure. but i was giddy, and that itself was jarring to me then and still now.

and yeah my mom saying that to me was super creepy but also weirdly comforting. i never found out what was off, but it was just like a general feeling of things feeling out of place somehow.

and oh i didn't know that. i thought shifting was just a sleeping thing. well, that's cool to know :)

#ask #personal

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honoredbastard · 3 years

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I COME BACK WITH THOUGHTS/THEORIES ON ITADORI AND HIS RELATIONS- I THINK.

anyways, so i'll just point this out: i'm not good at speaking my thoughts in an organized manner. i absolutely suck at it, i speak on how my brain brings up the thoughts so i might ramble, get over my head in a thought, etc. i can't control it so i apologize in advance for the jumpiness of the texts. i will spell a lot of things wrong and not everything will be correct, as i read translations and on a manga site. don't worry it's not illegal, i believe.

MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD.

i apologize for my absence! last week or two weeks ago the tower to my computer completely broke and will not turn on. i tried to repair it and follow my fathers instructions but nothing worked. even cleaned off the fan and went through countless nights readjusting things. it's not my cords either so to help me out my father is working extra shifts to get me a new pc. so in the meantime i'll do small posts like these but not full writing/head canons until i have a computer tower lol. a family member was kind enough to allow me to have their phone while we work throughout this issue.

now onto the actual topic:

kenjaku and itadori's relationship. ( family wise ).

for context in the most recent chapter, 160 "colony" kamo shows up in sasaki's home and talks to her about the culling game and a barrier. but that's not the point, the point is as he's guiding her to the barrier inside her "dream" at the end he says "oh right. i almost forgot to tell you. thank you for getting along with my son." and then she is awakened inside the barrier, in her pajamas beside iguchi. when sasaki and iguchi look at the barrier and gather themselves they bring up kamo.

sasaki asked iguchi if he mentioned his son and he says no. this leaves sasaki in a state of confusion when itadori flashes in her mind. she says his name aloud like she finally connected the dots. now. why am i bringing up this whole kenjaku thanking sasaki for being his "son"'s friend. it throws me off because why didn't he thank iguchi?

did he not think iguchi meant their friendship? because sasaki was the one uninjured and still counted itadori as a friend? does iguchi not consider itadori as a friend anymore?

because we haven't seen these two at all since the incident. that raised many questions in me. as well "how can itadori be related to kamo?" and itadori is related to choso.

because kamo's technique is explained ( vaguely. we are aware he can create barriers, take over bodies, and has incredible cursed tools. chapter 134. this is also where choso makes his connection ( i believe. ) to itadori yuji as his brother. but because we saw this with todo many thought itadori just had another unconsious technique that allows the person who is hit create false memories and believe of a completely made up relationship with itadori without his knowledge. but alas, i was wrong. ) and we're given more hints shown than told ( imo ) i tried my best to make sense out of the situation and what he said. i think my conclusions are pretty solid, so continuing on.

we're given very little history on itadori, his past, and family. at the start of the manga we know that itadori's only family he knows is his grandfather and that he is ill in the hospital. at the very very beginning we learn that itadori is your average cute, fluffy, laid back but strong and goofy protagonist. in smaller words: itadori is kirby but even cuter and dumber.

my first impressions of him is a pineapple. if you're confused to this saying: it's calling a person prickly on the outside but sweet on the inside. and this is true, itadori's grandfather seems prickly and cold on the outside but he genuinely cares for itadori.

he raised itadori for all we know and did that with his all in assumption. but this ends up backfiring onto itadori, because he cares so much for his grandson - he ends up leaving a " curse " on yuji.

help people. save them.

itadori takes this to heart as his grandfathers speech is his last one. when he looks over to his grandfather the man is dead and now yuji is left alone. then the following events occur.

at this point in time i assumed itadori was an orphan ( he technically is if we're connecting the dots. his parents has not been shown, he doesn't speak of them, they aren't in the picture. we can conclude either they disowned itadori or died before he could make complete memories of them. )

but when we are shown in chapter 143 itadori's parents we see this "woman" jin ( yuji's father ) and his grandfather talking about has the same scar pattern. this scar pattern is either stitching ( assuming that is how kamo keeps the top of the opened skull from coming off. this is also how kamo revealed his cursed technique / body of sorts ( the brain, assuming that is kenjaku in his cursed technique and not the body / puppet he is controlling " getou suguru " ) to gojou. )

this is the only way i find kamo being able to assign itadori as his son. why is that you might be asking this dumbass here.

we do not have the full story, exact date, location, and full context of the memory/dream itadori is having. this cannot be fake either because kamo would than have no reason to call itadori his son. or is there? anyways.

take a leap of faith with me. imagine that before itadori is born ( he seems no more than a few weeks or days old in this memory. hence why i am thinking my conclusion is pretty solid in theory. but yknow gege, there might be something different. ) anywhooo.

TW. D3ATH/IMPLYING ANTI LIFE ATTEMPT

kamo had to have taken over yuji's mothers body after an accident OR after she gave birth to yuji. his grandfather is interrupted by her before he can finish his sentence but it seems to be leading to the conclusion that either kaori ( yuji's mother ) died while giving birth to yuji or kaori could not conceive and tried to take her own life or cause an accident that would take her life. ( i read a fan translation for this part but im pretty sure i also read the official translation today too and it added up to the same. )

i believe in the first idea, but since kamo's cursed technique wasn't explained in detail i don't know the conditions of his body technique. does the original host of the body have to be dead? can he regenerate body limbs ( i highly doubt. getou lost an arm during his fight with yuta. overconfident dick. reminding me of an ex ANTWAYS. i forgive him for being overconfident smooch. he learned. OFF TOPIC but continuing on i promise.

this is being continued from the cut off point. i'm so upset so it'll just be summarized. i can't believe this shit lol i took three hours just to finish it for it to literally cut off the bottom half.

continuing on in a sadge mood. kamo must not have the complete ability to take over a body. after all getou took his only arm he had as he was dying and choked his own body to his full ability. getou was willing to die ( possibly, you never know he could be alive if he killed his own body. moving on. ) just to have the chance to save his friend from being swallowed by a damn box.

so there has to be a chance that kamo cannot fully take over the previous persons complete consious and memory of their body. if getou still had his other arm after losing the fight to yuta, he could've choked kamo with both arms. in theory kamo wouldn't be able to control the right arm and die to the previous host choking him to death.

so why wouldn't the other hosts do it? after all, kamo did say it was his first time experiencing such a thing. assuming kamo has lived throughout many bodies in his 150+ lifespan none of the previous hosts could take control of their body.

i believe getou was completely influenced by gojou and his six eyes. there is no way gojou would even try to speak out to his friend unless he had an inkling or saw getou still in there. helpless and without the ability to save himself from the cage he's in.

being used and puppeteered in his own body by an external force. laughing in the world he could not. putting getou into a constant misery and defeat that he couldn't escape his hell. the one he tried so hard to fight and get out of. even if it was the wrong path.

gojou was the last person to witness getou dying. he had to watch getou bleed out after their conversation because he couldn't bring himself to kill his friend. the one he spent his whole jujutsu student life with. so for gojou to say such a thing to getou despite all that he did had to break getou out of his misery and give him that small sliver of hope that he could do something. of course he failed, but i doubt that's going to be the end of that.

the only way i see kamo being related to yuji is if he took over kaori's body before the pregnancy. assuming that when kamo takes over a body he becomes one with said body and is that person for however long he lives in said body. my only thing is, can he take over a persons body whilst they are alive? i would go more in depth like i did the last time but i am extremely upset about my work being erased so that's the end of this part.

thank you for reading! i have one more thing for you though.

the last time we see sukuna in a manga page after the shibuya incident is where he is on his throne and in his domain. this is after yuji is stabbed by yuta and is presumed "dead" at the time. he seems to be interested in yuta and i can think of 2-3 things. I would love to hear your theories too so don't be afraid to barge into my dms like the koolaid man.

A - sukuna is interested in Yuta because of his ability to use the reverse healing technique ( only a few sorcerers know this. sukuna being the first. shoko being the second one to be told that she has this power and then gojou. ) because of this he sees potential in yuta as well or has added this boy into his plans. after all, there is very few that can make sukuna make an expression that isn't an RBF. aka megumi and possibly gojou. I was looking at the page of him stabbing yuji and noticed we only see the entry point of where the blade enters. it's smaller because some got chunked off so its a possibility yuta used this to his advantage when "killing" yuji and instead hit an artery that could kill him but quickly healed him afterwards. or just his heart. the ideas.

B. Rika, Yuta is able to completely control Rika as shown. Even though he claims he is on the weak side, these two combined seem like an unstoppable force. He may be interested in Rika as she is a curse that has been put on someone that can fully control it. Not many people is shown to be able to control their curse. As we haven't met many.

this was enti and that's the last of my post! thank you for reading and it was a fun one. even though i had to restore this shit. anyways, i'd love you to add or fix up my ideas and tell me your thoughts and opinions! Thanks a bunch!

^ this is for pure humor

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knivesandwives · 3 years

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Can you give an excerpt (is that the word?) or a pic from the book about Hannibal and Clarice's little date thing? I'm intrigued lol

Oh lol I'm honestly still reading it! Thank you for facilitating my venting though, and I will gladly share my incomplete knowledge. I haven't even finished this scene, which continues into another chapter. I had to take a break and cool my head because it makes me want to gag like I was a 5 year old with an aversion to kissing scenes (which is not usual for me. I just. I don't know about this). I could take the time to finish reading it in the time I'm writing this buuuut I'm too heated to do so atm, even though it would spare me the embarrassment of having very incomplete context. I don't even know whether Thomas Harris intends for the reader to want them together, but his treatment of Hannibal Lecter has generally verged on salivating over him, imo, so. I'm gonna take it as implied that I should like this a bit more than I do. I could be very wrong. Under the cut because it is a Rant

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I’ve got the fun wacky stuff first because this book is Wild. Bonkers. Then I have semi serious stuff and Thoughts thoughts in the second half

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WACKY FUN STUFF PART

it is So over the top corny. Highlights so far:

-Hannibal is playing the harpsichord when Clarice walks out. In other scenes he’s played his theremin. He is insufferable

- the piece he's playing is called ‘If True Love Reigned’ and was composed by Henry VIII, which is a red flag if ever I heard one

-he dresses up in white tie for her and spends FOREVER decorating the house *just so* and inspecting the dinner table from various angles to check whether the Aesthetic is right, because the house he's rented out is only so-so and he's gotta make up for it:

I mean. He decides to add a shit ton of flowers to make it intimate and create a hanging gardens effect, realizes that this looks bad, and decides that the solution is More flowers. Maybe he’s right, but I think with the rest of the decorations this is probably looking like a mess right now.

-Uhhh if I remember correctly from the Freudian Daddy Issues chapter (hhhhh I want to have a word with Thomas Harris), the reason he makes the peonies in the flower arrangement “white as SNO BALLS” is because she has some sort of (dad-related) childhood memories about these fucking Hostess twinkie-level snacks. There are Levels to his floral arrangements

-Similarly, the cocktails he prepares for them have orange slices on the side because it’ll remind her of her father slicing oranges and Hannibal wants to be daddy

-The landlord he’s renting the house from (where he’s keeping Clarice and holding Date Night) has a fixation on Leda and the Swan, to the point that he has four statues of it and eight paintings of it in that one house alone. Hannibal likes the horniest one with the best “anatomical articulation.” Make of that what you will. There was indeed a reason for Bryan Fuller including such a pussy out painting in the set for Hannibal’s dining room. Hannibal covers the other Leda statues and paintings that don’t live up to his standards

- He brings her clothes to wear?? Special Fancy clothes for Date Night. Ugh. And I thought it was pushy and anal in SOTL when he gave her tips on how to improve her fashion

- Hannibal wears an ascot over a white shirt. No jacket. I don't know if I trust the taste level of this man. I like Freddy from scooby doo but his look seems like a stretch in this context

-he uses candelabra like he's the phantom of the opera and has this incredibly fucking extra mirror in his rented house:

-he tells her his goals for the evening in one of the trademark Long Confusing Hannibal Monologues we’re so used to seeing in the show, then asks Clarice if she understands, and her response is: no I don’t so I hope your food is good at least

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Actual Serious Thoughts about it (content warning: some vaguely psychosexual things involving characters’ family, drugging and non-sexual consent issues)

I think my reaction is definitely influenced by the context that's been presented so far for their relationship in this book, which includes (briefly):

--Hannibal has a fixation on Clarice as a potential replacement for/idealized version of Mischa, his dead sister. The moment he lays eyes upon her again in this book he starts having uncontrollable flashbacks that directly associate Clarice with Mischa and overlays their meanings and iconography. So... that's something. It shows up constantly whenever we get a glimpse into his POV. I have thoughts about what Hannibal finds appealing about Clarice RE as an idealized version/teacup reversal of Mischa; the book tells us he admires her courage and her spirit as a warrior despite having been victimized, and so Clarice is in some ways a version of Mischa that was capable of surviving despite the odds. That was (crudely) my working theory, anyway. Might have to reevaluate that now because I'm less certain now about Hannibal's intentions and how much his appreciation for Clarice is really *respectful* of her potential, versus how much he sees her as some sort of vehicle to replace Mischa and be some sort of walking talking idealized doll that he crafts into his dead sister. I wanted it to not be *as* weird and psychosexual as I thought it would end up being, but this book definitely leans into some weird sexualized Freudian shit, and I'm concerned that Mischa and Clarice are part of that despite my best efforts to rationalize it in a way that I would have preferred. Really, who fantasies about their lover being a reminder of their sister?

--Freudian hell part 2: Hannibal has rescued Clarice from the Verger farm (after she rescued him, which was quite dramatic) and has her drugged at his house and undergoing the type of hypnosis we see suggested with Will and Miriam Lass in NBC!Hannibal. Hannibal suggests things, she follows those suggestions with apparently little agency of her own. He probes into her history and traumas and causes her to see things. Among his goals here is to have her make peace with her dead father in some way (in a scene which strongly resembles Abigail's therapy with GJH's corpse as seen in the s3 flashbacks), and to give her some form of control over her memory of him. This is accompanied by some very squicky speculation from Hannibal about Clarice having taboo sexual associations with her father, which she projects (among other things) onto other father figures in her life like Jack Crawford or her fallen FBI partner. I didn't know before I got into this book whether it was going to legitimize the Electra complex angle on Clarice this much, and maybe I'm wrong to accept Hannibal's viewpoint as sacred, but. So far, that seems to be the take.

----

So that's the context for the leadup to this romantic dinner scene. Hannibal has decorated his house specially for this date night type thing and given her a slinky, fancy dress to wear in his fancy house. Clarice has been heavily under the influence of drugs so far, and this night is no exception. This chapter so far has been a treasure trove of the more romantic dialogue repurposed for NBC!Hannibal, but I kind of can't stand it here in this book as anything remotely romantic. It's almost entirely him talking *at* her and it seems like this is more about him and his idealized fantasy of her than it is actually about her. The text does refer to him as "the monster" more frequently in this chapter, and it calls him out directly for his vanity and self congratulation, so I'm not entirely sure if I'm even supposed to like it, but. Anyway. You asked for excerpts! This particular scene is probably the densest part of a very dense chapter (the highlights are a mess rn):

There's a lot of interesting stuff in here, some of which really raises my hackles in ways I wasn't anticipating. Clarice has just emerged in the outfit he chose for her to join him. Clarice's first question to him is to ask about how much he's invaded her privacy without her knowledge, and he has a very bullshit answer where he pretends that this situation he's manufactured, in which he drugs her and creates a fantasy world for them, is okay because it exists outside of reality. It doesn't. It's an interesting idea but it's bullshit. This is not his memory palace, this is reality and it does exist as a part of time that Clarice has had to experience (or not, as the case may be for her level of consciousness throughout this). And he turns around from this question about him being intrusive to reiterate his attraction to her. Squick at that. Her plain (possibly curt?) answer to his compliment, even though it's a thank you, causes him annoyance. This is where I really, Really start to have, like, flashbacks to Jessica Jones and the playing house plotline. Real strong flashbacks to that. Clarice's (apparently unintentional) failure to meet his standards and reciprocate in the exact way he wants her to makes him Annoyed. Clarice identifies this and holds her ground, interestingly enough, and Hannibal has a moment of awe at her stubborn individuality, but immediately falls back on self congratulatory wanking at his choice of woman. Then, there's more talking at her, to which she eventually says that she basically doesn't know what the fuck he means but she hopes he plans to make dinner worth her while. I appreciate Clarice holding her ground so well here, especially given the circumstances, and I don't know quite where this is headed, but I guess the gist of it is that in this context I just really want to slap Hannibal about and see him burn

#ramblings #knives reads thomas harris #and vents about things i shouldn't #but thank you!! i need to and i appreciate interaction #but keep in mind i am a fool who is willing to vent about this without knowing everything #just think of it as liveblogging? i guess

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rowanthestrange · 5 years

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I think the intended theme of Kerblam was hugely overshadowed by the fact that the episode didn't address that Kerblam didn't even try to keep their workers safe. The main issue I found was that the scene at the end implied the murders couldn't have been prevented without the doctor's expertise. A responsible employer would have supended work until the power drains were fixed (I'm assuming that's why any security systems were down allowing charlie to escape notice)

*hides face in hands*

You’re right. You are - my expression is not…oh it’s not for you.

I mean I’m not sure there was a set intended theme, it was bothsided to hell, but yeah, definitely…there was definitely an issue there with it not actually addressing anything.

*leans back*

The power drains were - in my understanding - because of both Terrorist Boy messing around with the system, but far more importantly, was because the system itself was trying to channel a lot of energy into one place. The power-drain that occurs when the bot tries to kill him for example.

It isn’t clear. How much of it is under the system’s control is not explored.

Leading neatly to your next point - the system needs the Doctor’s expertise.

Why?

It would have succeeded in killing Terrorist Boy had it been smarter about it. Not done it around people. Sure maybe it’s trying to basically scream ‘He’s the bad guy!’ but that’s not obvious, nor apparently necessary, because kill him and there’s no backup, no deadman’s handle, you’re done. Statistically the guy has been alone at some point, and there were no ‘we cannot murder’ rules implied, so off you go chums.

Maybe the robots didn’t want to murder him - a good theme that would have tied perfectly into both the terrorism and the themes being built in this series, and does work with them knowing the Doctor would stop it.

But that didn’t happen. I just made that up. None of this stuff was explained, nothing addressed. The roots for this episode are so good and go nowhere.

Explain why they don’t care about power outages in a 90% automated factory. Use it for character development with the woman - she doesn’t care and is lighthearted about it because she’s in people, while the rest of the company is having kittens - because that is a big deal and everyone would have noticed.

And this place clearly can’t just shut down for a month, are you joking?! Unless you’re playing a Bad Wolf Satellite Whatever with this, the consequences would be absolutely huge. Space Amazon shuts down, only gives its workers half that time off as paid leave, and it’s clearly the backbone of the Kandokan economy, that’s on last legs enough that Kira’s never got a goddamn Amazon delivery in her life, but also where six year olds print metal pendants for their Daddies.

And if you still want to do all this, then make it a goddamn point that THIS IS WHY YOU NEED PEOPLE. Not in meaningless goddamn packing, but that if you had PEOPLE paying close attention, they would have been more likely to catch the flaws in the system, or notice it being abused and be able to act on it. Slade was clearly useless - cut that character, he’s only a red herring anyway, and use all that time and energy to give us context with the robots.

Warning From The Future: This fix-it got long

But if I’m allowed to make changes, just off the top of my head, I axe Kira too. Don’t kill off Lee Mack (no I’m not gonna learn the character’s name) so quickly, and then you already have a ‘human’ element in the plot and he fits it well. Kira only exists for man-pain and to humanise Terrorist Boy - which you’re already doing with Graham (Their scenes should have been much the same, but highlighting some extremist tendencies - particularly his odd choice of referring to the system as He - and clearly indicating that no-one talks to this kid enough to see them). Also fewer humans would help sell this idea of the 90-10% thing. Swap team positions - the Doctor goes down and meets Mack (because she’s already sympathetic to the robots so needs to become less so, and this leads to lots of little opportunities to dig at Amazon, capitalism, workers rights etc), and Yaz and Ryan are on packing. It gives Ryan a chance to be good at something in front of Yaz for a change, lets Yaz do some competent police work that actually goes somewhere (seriously McTighe), and Ryan we’ve seen be sceptical but sweet before with the baby situation, so therefore he takes notice of the robots (because he needs to be more sympathetic to them and is a better audience avatar). The combination of him being emotionally intelligent, and Yaz cognitively intelligent, means they work out the origin of the ‘Help Me’ which also fits the fact that Yaz was the only one to notice the message at all. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Mack are facing robot villains. Hmm that’s weird. They run to find each other, Yaz and Thirteen probably doing the grabbing each others forearms thing, and say at the same time “The robots are trying to kill us” “The robots are asking for help”, look at each other in confusion, and that’s when Graham and Terrorist Boy (foreshadowing) show up with the maps. Woman (don’t remember if she had a name, sorry) can show up again, having done some digging and phoning around (she uses a large phone, not a large tablet), and has found the people never made it back home. She’s panicking, the Doctor still gets her ‘If you are lying to me’ moment, etc. etc. things progress, plot as before, but instead of losing Kira, we lose Mack - pendant left behind. In trying to find him, the tracker lures Yaz and Ryan away from the others (Terrorist Boy’s intent was to get everyone, but that’s this Scooby-Doo team for you with the splitting up). Ryan is the one that nearly gets blown to bits by the bubble-wrap because of course he does, his defining character trait is to effing touch everything. Terrorist Boy gives himself away by legging it as Ryan moves to grab it, and Yaz saves him, cus she has good instincts and reflexes. Maybe a robot then says “Would you like me to dispose of this an an environmentally conscious way” - subtext layers, and at a safe distance, pops it - the system showing what damage it can do. This also acts as a set-up for the scene with the robots exploding it later, and makes it look less like the Doctor committing mass robo-murder (and prevents the robots from having to be deliberate murderers themselves). Doctor having got Twirly etc. hijacks a bot teleporter, and with the Woman and Graham finds the soup, etc. etc. same as before. That Terrorist Boy pegged it before, makes sense as to why Yaz didn’t catch him and restrain him, and everyone meets up again. This time though, we have some space. Have the Doctor excitedly (almost obscenely) working things out, while Graham explains the soup - clearly ruffled, and Yaz gets the Woman to bring up the details of Lee Mack’s family. If there’s thirty seconds to spend on how she’s had to call in a lot of dead bodies but never explain it to people’s families, do it now, leave her staring at the phone. Doctor comes to her excited conclusion, and the Terrorist Boy suddenly shows up threatening people with a detonator. Yaz stands (she looks extra shaken), but she’s behind, clearly looks to the Doctor who takes charge (characterisation, shows where she sees herself and her trust in the Doctor, and explains why she isn’t more active yet). Scene, scene, etc, etc, all the bullshit about millennials = bad obviously removed, Graham actually gets most of the attempted calming lines, and it nearly works. But as it fails, the Doctor gets in with him “Killing the people he was supposed to be trying to save”, that to him the people are no more real than the robots - oh no? Prove it. Grabs the phone from Yaz’s hand, which is still on, turns the volume up, and forces him to listen to the six year old asking for her Daddy and telling him to stop being silly. It’s almost on the edge of cruelty, and we see that glimmer in her eyes again. It doesn’t work. It’s his plan, his vision, he’s going to be the one to take control, he he he. But it’s not funny. It’s all about him and his power fantasy, and that becomes increasingly clear the longer you let him talk. (Him stomping on the device is more explicitly visually framed as a mirror for the Doctor doing the same for the neo-neo-nazi’s Vortex Manipulator, but it isn’t explained, just complex forshadowing for the Doctor’s monster breakdown later). Yaz never grabs for him and fails, we just go straight to him running into the bots - maybe standing on the balcony railing first to get a proper little-hitler shot above his tin soldiers, then jumping down to hide among them. But as before, the Doctor doesn’t stop him getting blown to pieces. At the end, the need for more humans to manage the system and particularly to work with each other is noticed, and that’s what the human positions should be for - what humans are good at, noticing patterns and each other. There’s no ‘lol Graham what are you like’ moment in the TARDIS, it’s just Yaz’s feeling of failure as a Police Officer shining unspoken in her eyes, and her request to go see the daughter personally being honoured, while Graham is drinking a cup of tea and watching Ryan intently (clearly been hammered by events, but taking comfort in his own odd-but-blessedly-harmless boy), while Ryan pokes and prods at Twirly, whom apparently they never actually gave back. And it ends with the Doctor once again being rebuffed as company, Yaz leaving the TARDIS, kid’s necklace in hand, and walking into a room across the camera - the Kerblam! poster with Mack’s face on the wall behind her.

I’ve only watched the episode once, and I don’t have a transcript to refer to yet, so might be missing some pieces, but broadly speaking.

And I appreciate that the Kira scene and the ‘You had a plan, but you weren’t expecting to fall in love’ is almost certainly meant to be a Direct Mirror for a future scene with The Doctor and Yaz, but without Chibnall over my shoulder and saying that has to be in there, the transition to the concept of general filial/agape love works for me.

Apologies. Bit longer than I expected. I just started writing and it kept flowing. Apparently I did have some concrete ideas about how to fix it. Sorry, wow.

#replies #doctor who #long post #yikes that is a beast of a paragraph #wall of text #fixit

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