#because i still cant ever even talk about being aro in these ways without feeling that utter panic LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oflgtfol · 3 years

Text

i just cannot emphasize enough how utterly alienating it is to be aspec, especially aromantic, especially non-ace aromantic. like i have never ever ever met another aro person in real life. i know of maybe five ace people but i never personally talked to them, and i have never even knowingly been in the same room as another aromantic person

and everywhere i look there's reminders that i'm not like literally any other person i know in life. love songs on the radio, plotlines in tv shows and movies, family members asking me when i'm going to start dating, my peers in school pestering me about crushes when we were kids and then as we grew up they all started dating and even getting MARRIED? the whole narrative that's pushed in all these things - media, people i know irl - saying that everyone has that "special someone" they'll meet one day, that life isn't worth living without that someone. i was told as a kid both implicitly and explicitly that the only way to be happy in life is if i grow up, marry a nice man, settle down in a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 kids together. the existential terror i felt when i realized that that wasn't going to be my future, that i was never going to live that life. i was ten years old and feeling like i will never be happy in life, i'm going to die alone and nobody will even notice i'm gone. laying awake every night praying to god to make me normal like everyone else just so i can know what it means to be happy. and through all of this over all these years, i can never talk about it to anyone because at worst, i'll be called stupid or evil or soulless, or worse i'll be pitied because oh, poor me will be alone and sad for the rest of my life isn't that so sad. and at best i'll simply be faced with blank looks and uncomfortable glances and an awkward change in topics because nobody else knows what the fuck i'm talking about because they have never had to question it before.

and then the ONE (1) space where i can finally see that there are people like me, i'm not alone i'm not soulless and evil because there are other people like me....... we're made the butt of all jokes. people make war criminal moodboards with our flags, mock our experiences, tell us we need therapy or that we're this way because of trauma, that we're sick in the head and the heart. people send anon hate and sexual harassment over DMs and even target MINORS with these things. and i reblog one thing about being ace when i was like 15 and i get one rude ask about it and suddenly i'm terrified to talk about being aspec at all in case one day it'll get worse, more intense than just a single rude anon. and i go years staying silent on my own blog, which is the one place i can feasibly talk about it. to the point that even though i so desperately want to meet other aspec people irl, i feel like if/when that happens i won't even be able to talk about any of these things because i'm so used to just keeping my mouth shut. that when i'm finally presented with someone who's like me, i won't even know what to do because it's never happened before

it's to the point where i don't even fucking care about lgbt inclusion vs. exclusion anymore because either way, nobody actually cares. even most inclusionists never actually listen to us and any time i try to actually connect with other lgbt people i always feel so absolutely alien in these spaces because either i'm going to be met with hostility and active exclusion or i'm going to be "welcomed" but not actually listened to and then i'm just gonna sit in the back of the room silently and never actively participate so am i even like, included at that point? isn't that just another form of exclusion? so i really only ever feel a sense of belonging in explicitly aromantic spaces - but, again, the problem is i have never ever met another aro person irl and our spaces online (the only spaces that exist at all!!) are consistently ridiculed and mocked and harassed so like. lol 💚

#i was so much worse off about this just like a few years ago. the best thing i ever did for myself was start to be loud about it #i set my blog icon to the aro flag and now i can never go back lol #ive identified as aro since i was 13 and it's only since i was like.... almost 18 that i finally feel like. AT HOME in this #right before i started doing this i felt so utterly fucked up all the time i felt literally inhuman #i felt like an imposter. some monster masquerading with a human face and deluding everyone around me into thinking im one of them #i still feel like that nowadays its just.... not as bad as it used to be #and that is entirely because i started getting more involved with aro stuff on tumblr #i started going into the tag more i followed a few blogs i set my blog icon to the flag #and only now can i think about this part of myself and feel anything warm about it at all #brot posts #aro tag #delete soon maybe idfk #because i still cant ever even talk about being aro in these ways without feeling that utter panic LOL #im better about talking about it in jokes and quips but any sort of deep meaningful conversations still make me shake like a chihuahua

2 notes · View notes

like-rain-or-confetti · 4 years

Text

Request: Running Away (Volturi leaders x Reader)

You would have loved to admit you had planned this but you didn't. The idea sprang to your mind and before you could think any further, you took off out the door. Sunlight hitting your face. You inhaled sharply, realising what you had done.

You had crossed the border. You were out of the castle and in the sun. You turned, looking back to see a hooded figure seem to looking at you before turning and moving down the hall. No doubt they were going to tell their leaders that their mate had just ran out the door. You took off running again, down the streets just in case they figured out how to get to you without exposing themselves.

This was the last resort, a cry for help even. However it was a cry for your mates rather than anyone else. The truth was that you didn't want to get away. You loved Aro, Caius and Marcus dearly but they weren't listening to you and push had come to shove. You needed out of that tower and they were dismissing you for 'safety'. They'd better come up with something else because this wasn't working anymore. You couldn't bare another minute of feeling like a prisoner. So whilst you went beyond the square. You were looking for somewhere empty.

The sun went down, night had arrived and it was quiet. Peaceful even, despite knowing your impending doom. A cool breeze hit your face. You took in a deep breath of fresh air you hadn’t had in weeks. It wouldn’t be long now. It wasn’t.

Fifteen minutes later, Aro, Caius, Marcus, Felix, Jane, Demetri and Alec. The guard kept their distance as the three leaders approached. Surprisingly, the leaders also kept a distance, however were still close enough to be in your earshot. “Explain yourself.” Caius said icily and it was very apparent that they were furious, even before you turned to look at them. You knew by that tone alone that you had very much upset them. “I couldn’t go back there.” You said quietly. Your tone was softened by your racing mind, the environment as well as your thoughts distracting you from them. “I was going back to the tower, the door was open, i saw outside and without thinking I ran.” “Yet you failed to think of returning?” Caius responded, his tone making it evident that he didn’t believe you. “Would it have changed anything?” You retorted. “It doesn’t change that I ran.” “Why did you do this?” Aro finally asked with an unreadable expression, his voice didn’t give any hints either. “You can’t keep me locked in there anymore.” You began. “I’ll lose my mind. I will go crazy if i spend anymore time in there. I can’t go back.” “Cara mia, we have been through this.” Aro sighed. “You’re in there so that we can keep you safe.” “No! Listen to me! I can’t stay in there anymore, it’s the only reason that I ran! I cant get you to listen any other way! I’ve tried to talk to you but you won’t listen. I need you to hear me when i tell you I can’t take it anymore!” You felt tears of desperation build in your eyes as you tilted your head back, trying to remain calm. “That castle is huge, historic and amazing and i don’t get to see it! You tell me about how amazing the vampire world is but you won’t show it to me!”

Marcus was the first to move, closing the gap between you and pulling you to a stand. “If I were to agree to this-” “Brother!” Caius said sharply. Marcus raised a hand to Caius as to settle him. “Don’t give them false hope!” Caius snapped. “If I were to agree to this,” Marcus repeated. “You can never pull a stunt like this again. If you do, I will personally drag you back into that tower and keep you there for the rest of eternity.” “I promise.” You whispered, staring into Marcus’ eyes, silently pleading that he’d allow it. Marcus looked to his brothers.

Caius looked startled and angry all at the same time and Aro was eerily silently. “What if something were to happen to them? Then what?” Caius growled. “You of all people know what that would do to us!” “I do.” Marcus agreed. “However, I’m also thinking of what this could do to them. I do not wish for them to suffer on my behalf, for my peace of mind. I am not permitting them to go out of the castle but if roaming the castle is going to keep them happy then so be it.” Caius scoffed. “That’s why we have Chelsea and Corin!” Your expression turned to one of horror. Caius was so willing to make you complacent that he’d suggest it even to your face. “Brother,” Marcus said lowly. “of course that is an option but do you really want to use it?” “I will to keep them safe!” Caius bellowed. “Think of the consequences, (Y/N) would then be there, not because they want to be, but because they’ve been manipulated into doing so. I’m suggesting that we compromise as to keep them with us willingly and happy. Wouldn’t you prefer that?” Caius was caught of guard, of course he would but that meant backing down and he wasn’t prepared to do that. Caius turned to Aro. “Say something!” “I’ll make my decision once we’re back in the castle.” Aro said smoothly. “You’re considering this!?” Caius screeched. “Am I the only one who’s concerned about (Y/N)’s safety!? The tower is guarded! If we had an intruder they’d have guards to protect them! Not to mention if they got to close to a guard who needs to feed! We can’t guarantee they won’t be ripped to shreds!” “Caius, I’m not prepared to ruin my bond with them nor am i prepared to control their mind. No one here is willing to let them get hurt.” Marcus argued. “You said the same with Didyme!” Caius yelled. “Enough!” Aro finally spoke up. “I said i’ll consider this on the way back, right now i’m concerned about getting (Y/N) home. It’s getting late and they are going to get cold.”

Before Marcus could say anything, you hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” You whimpered. “For what, dear?” Marcus asked. “For hearing me.” You whispered. “Remember my terms, (Y/N). This isn’t an easy decision for me to make.” “I know, I know.” You pulled back to look at him. “I promise, I won’t let you down.” Marcus turned his gaze to Caius. “Brother, if you ever mention Didyme like that again-” “Don’t misunderstand my words, you know i’m concerned about their safety.” “Don’t misunderstand mine. You do not use Didyme against me.” Marcus growled slightly, you quickly put a hand to his arm to settle him.

“Come with me, my dear.” Aro looked at you pointedly, clearly removing you from the situation so Marcus and Caius could speak privately. However he didn’t reach out for you as he always did, his jaw clenched. “Are you angry with me?” You asked him quietly. “Yes.” Aro responded. “I’m sorry.” You responded. “I know.” Was his response. His short responses were very out of character for him, showing just how angry he really was. “We will speak of this back home.”

All three of your mates came to visit you before you went to bed. “We’ve agreed to limited freedoms, some areas like the dungeons are off limits. One of us or Jane, Alec, Demetri or Felix must be present. When we are feeding, we want you here. Would that suffice?” Aro asked. You nodded frantically, jumping out of bed and hurrying over to them, all the while chanting ‘thank you’ repeatedly. You barely noticed that your happiness had caused Aro to smile slightly before you rushed into his arms.

He pulled back, cradling your face in his hands. A pleased smile crossed his face before he kissed your forehead. “Thank you for being honest, cara mia.” Aro wanted to trust you and the fact that you proved time and time again that you could be trusted filled him with joy and even more love for you.

However, you noticed Caius clearly not happy about the decision and leaning against the door. You were quick to move closer to him and wrap him in a hug. He allowed it and even coiled his own arms around you, pulling you closer. “Don’t be angry with me.” You whispered into his chest. “I am not thrilled but you do not need to concern yourself with that.” Guilt flashed across your face. “I love you...all of you.”

Finally, your attention was on Marcus. “You know i can’t lose you, (Y/N). None of us can.” Marcus said. “You won’t lose me.” You assured him, your arms still around Caius. “You listened and that only makes me want to stay even more.” “Get some sleep, darling.” Caius mumbled, letting you go.

The three leaders sat on their thrones. Aro sighed. Marcus immediately moved to get the very heavy books. They studied the arts at night, a peaceful passing of the time whilst you slept. “So you’re sending Chelsea in the morning?” Caius asked. “Yes.” Aro responded. Marcus had a grim expression. It was the only way they would agree to letting you out the tower. He wasn’t comfortable with artificially strengthening your bond to them but he had made certain that it wouldn’t be too much. Enough to repair any damage made by your actions. A way of keeping you comfortable without the use of Corin.

#request #twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #aro volturi #caius volturi #marcus volturi #one shot #oneshot

261 notes · View notes

toytulini · 3 years

Text

actually let me just talk about my monster ocs real quick

Jula: big blue ominous beast

His head is a cow/bull skull with like ridiculously huge massive long horns. he has 4 diamond eyes. 2 large ones in his eye sockets and 2 smaller ones above the eye sockets. I will get into the eyes later. he has a mohawk/mane thats striped dark blue and black and it flops over his skull a little. It goes all the way down his spine as a mane. I think his body is covered in short soft fur, and its blue. (lighter than the blue in the mane but still a pretty dark nice color. He has huge shoulders and arms, like, absolutely jacked. massive beefy arms. but he is also very dexterous and nimble with both sets of hands. like he could be a world renowned surgeon if he wasnt a huge terrifying monster whos presence fills all with dread. more on that in a sec. He has a smaller second set of arms underneath the first set. theyre even more nimble and dexterous. he has hooves, i think like a bull or a horse, idk, i dont usually focus much on his hooves, except for the fact that he rarely if ever makes any sound when he walks. he has to make an effort to make noise announcing his arrival. He likes to wear colorful fanny packs/hip bags around his waist to carry Important Witch Items(tm). His tail is big and long and heavy and covered in sharp, painful barbs. His tail is a deadly weapon. Now remember what I said about the dread? that has nothing to do with his appearance, for the record. that is a natural side effect of being in his presence. at all times he exudes an aura of ominous dread and doom. its not on purpose, he cant really control it (until later) eventually he figures out how to turn it Up and Down, at first he figures out how to turn it down to a sort of minimum baseline level of dread but he eventually even figures out how to suppress it entirely. but he doesnt ever really do that bc it takes a Lot of effort ans makes him feel awful instead. those who are well acquainted with Jula can eventually learn to distinguish between Real, Legitimate Dread and Doom feelings, and Jula Dread and Doom feelings. He likes birds more than people. most animals seem to be unaffected by his Dread Presence unless he specifically makes an effort to affect them. He's a He/Him aro lesbian. Oh! also!! the eyes!! let me talk about the eyes: Jula's gemstone eyes are interesting, because not only does it give him sort of, multifaceted kaleidoscope vision, they can also be connected to any other cut gemstone like object and be able to see from THOSE as well. this does require actually conencting them and adding them to his network of gemstone eyes, with a spell that Birdie taught him. He generally uses this for surveillance of Birdie's network of tunnels to make sure nothing is amiss, but eventually he decides he wants to be independent from Birdie and do his own thing, so she has to figure out another way to do that (This is why Jared was made). He doesnt mind it but it does take up a large amount of his mental energy and focus for awhile, to sift through the sheer massive amount of visual input he recieves for awhile. he can also still see through a stone even if it is broken. in fact breaking it just increases the number of its facets that he can see through. He also doesnt seem to have to obey the laws of physics, and he can possibly teleport? or at least move very quickly. We are unsure. he can move in complete silence, and is often found in rooms that he could not logically have entered without breaking open a doorframe. eventually he learns how to appear in peoples dreams, and influence emotions besides the dread.

He cant Talk, he can make Some Sounds but he cant talk, so he has made it his mission to learn as many different sign languages as he can and do his best. he also carries a little notepad and pen if people dont understand his signing. eventually he also carries a little electronic device in addition to the notepad. the notepad unfortunately has the flaw of requiring to get close enough to someone for them to see it and read it, which is difficult bc the Dread Presence coupled with his towering, terrifying appearance often sends people running before he can talk to them. He is known for being very stoic, but this could be because his face is a nake skull with no muscles or skin to make expressions with. But then he also is often so preoccupied with sorting all the visual input he is constantly receiving that he seems unresponsive to things. often he could very well engage with these things but chooses to ignore them bc he does not want to bother.

He eats bones. he might have more teeth than you think he does. He is the only one strong enough to subdue Bokrae if she goes Rogue. Bokrae enjoys wrestling/Sparring with him, and sometimes he indulges her in this.

These are the best images i have of him so far, I find him rather difficult to draw well

#toy txt post #toy pic post #undescribed #ok to reblog #art #my art #julamonster #ocs #oc #monster oc #stalerotiniart #monsterfrombioclass #birdiescreatures #i might have to hold off on doing jared bokrae krachyn and siiyr for now tho #also Jula eventually gets a qpr / fwb witch friend who helps him learn witchcraft #she doesnt have a name yet but she runs a tattoo shop and i think she was maybe a child of chinese immigrants to California during the #goldrush. shes transfemme and gnc and hot. she does magic w blood and symbols. (this is what she helps him learn) her familiar is one them #massive fucking snakes that are too big to have a cage for so they just live in ppls houses? yea. they have a fun and chill dynamic #i should post his playlist at some point tbh #and also like develop the blood witch a little more. oh also jula learns magic he keeps setting things including himself on fire #but like harmlessly but he develops this habit of scaring the shit out of ppl by being hidden in a dark corner and then doing a little spell #and FWOOOSH BRIGHT blue flames run up his arms and along his horns. very startling and unsettling #when he becomes a witch himself he does copy Birdie in having multiple bird familiars. he gets a bunch of different types of Jays.#like blue jay stellars jay etc? he maintains a chill rship w birdie tho btw even after he leaves. they do collaboration a lot on dif things #but Birdie still tries to respect his space and autonomy. shes very proud of Jula. sometimea he likes to get existential in convos w Krachyn #but it doesnt last long bc Krachyn is too cycnically divorced from being sincere so they wont stop being sarcastic about it. i think tho..#eventually he krachyn and siiyr do have some bonding over their individual fraught relationships with how they came to exist and what its #all for. Bokrae should be able to relate as someone who needs her bones and SKULL replaced semifrequently so that her head doesnt. explode #but Bokrae simply doesnt have very complicated feelings about it. shes fine. shes just thrilled to be here and wants to drink some more #molten glass and pure capsaicin please and thank you. okay im out of tags now lol

5 notes · View notes

wewalkadifferentpath · 7 years

Text

Ace-friendly SH Fics: Masterlist

Alrighty folks so strap in, here is the first round of my ace-friendly Shadowhunters fic rec list! It’s so hard to have to navigate fics that should have a canon asexual character, always just vaguely expecting disappointment (cough Raphael). So. All of the fics on this list are ace-friendly in some way or another, whether it’s tagged/talked about or even intended by the author or not- they do NOT invalidate Raphael’s asexuality (using the definition of asexuality as not experiencing sexual attraction, irrespective of feelings toward sex. And while this list does have some aroace!Raphael, it is specifically for ace!Raphael) This’ll cover everything from ace-friendly smut for my smut-inclined friends (meaning Raphael is not sex-repulsed in those, but still ace) to platonic/solo stuff for those of my friends who are less romance-inclined. I also threw in some headcannons of other SH characters. Let me know what you all think! (Things not under the “smut” category do not have any written descriptions of sex to the best of my memory and brief scan-throughs, but please let me know if there’s something in the general list that should be under smut). If you’re strongly sex-repulsed please use your usual discretion. (And everyone just please read the tags in general). One final note: keep in mind that this is just a collection of fics that are supportive of asexuality. While these are fics I personally enjoyed/read often, this list is not an endorsement of all aspects of the content (ie. the way other identities are handled, etc.) This list is meant to account for different tastes, just with the bonus relief of knowing asexuality is there. So, here we go!

(I’m ridiculous and can’t do regular summaries; my comments on each rec- if any- are in the brackets):

Saphael (without direct mention of asexuality but still unequivocally respecting it):

The Heart of An Adventurer by DustinMcDreamy

Skyrim/Dark Ages AU: Simon is a simple tavern worker, but he wants more than his boring life. An adventurer stays the night at their Inn and Simon is enamored with both the adventurer and his wonderful life.

(so this is a lovely person who I’ve been collaborating with and they are honestly such an ally and their stories are wonderful, this one is probably my favourite but you can check out their page for other stuff)

put the boom boom into my heart by idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo

"Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)"

or, the one where simon hates his life and Mr. Immaculate Hair doesn't make it better, until he does

Forgotten at Dusk by halfmast Simon finds Raphael wandering around Manhattan barefoot - things go downhill (uphill?) from there.

(So I think this is the only one I’ve included that’s an unfinished WIP and is also NOT explicitly laid out as asexual- because I can’t guarantee it won’t change in later chapters. It also has one chapter left and hasn’t updated in a while so if that rattles you, don’t touch. But it’s beautifully written and sweet and a neat concept, and so far doesn’t contradict asexuality!)

before I ever met you by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual) “I’m missing something,” Simon went on, voice cracking. “I’m missing someone but no matter how hard I try I just can’t fucking remember.”

Can you find me someone to love? by domoiswatchingyou

They all have one thing in common: they are all bad at love, even when some of them love to deny it. (Saphael and Malec AU WIP) (And I gotta say guys, I beta for this lovely person- and thus actually have a hand in writing the ace parts- and they are a wonderful individual. Asexuality not mentioned as of yet but will be upcoming).

baby, I’m not made of stone by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)

“Did I ever tell you that we feel everything? The clan, I mean. If I focus enough, I can tell you who’s sad and who’s angry and who hasn’t been sleeping properly. I can tell you who’s been having nightmares. There are no secrets here.”

i'd spend all nine lives with you by alaricrodriguez

simon gets himself turned into a kitten and raphael can't find his fledgling

(this is just little and cute and there’s no explicit effort made to make Raph ace but I guess I’m kind of cheating since it’s from Simon’s POV and doesn’t come up at all but it’s not contradicted and I love this fic so)

echo series by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual) “Right,” Raphael brought himself to his feet, smooth as anything. “Let’s go.” Simon gapped up at him, “Go where?” Raphael rolled his eyes, impressively, (like he didn’t care, like he didn’t care about Simon, but he was here and they both knew neither of them could ever stop caring no matter how much they continued to hurt one another) and heaved a spectacular sigh. “Home.” -

Saphael (ft. actual conversations about asexuality/the word is spoken):

Somebody out there by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)

(Road trip fic, which is classic of course. PLEASE read the tags. Could be interpreted as demi/gray ace but I identify as just ace and it fits me just fine. This is one of the first fics I read coming into this fandom, and the first one that made me fall in love with Saphael, and it’s got an insanely special warm fuzzy place in my heart) (Also 27 chapters, so how can you complain about that???) The acing on the cake by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)

““Oh, come on, puns are amazing! Tell me your sexuality and I’m sure we will have at least one shirt that’ll appeal to you.” Simon patted the pile of shirts in front of him and smiled hopefully at Raphael who really wanted to disagree and tell the boy he was wasting his time here but he couldn’t bring himself to.” (pride!fic) (this author has some of my favourite ace!Saphael fics ever, and like an endless supply of them with everything under the ace/aro umbrella) A Lesson in Love series by Malteser24 ”Simon thinks it will be difficult to adapt to their new situation - in which they don't actually hate each other - and Raphael can't imagine their date as being anything but awkward, considering how out of his depth he is when it comes to dating.Instead, they actually have a fairly good time.” like a love song on the radio by eversall

Simon's a bartender, Raphael plays the piano, and somehow they manage to communicate to each other that yeah, they both want this.

Rock Solid Panda by OhHolyHell

(Made for pan pride day, “Raphael is actually a thoughtful softie” (and so is Simon!) (ft. ace puns)) Disasters that lead to pretty boys (are worth it) by gayinsight "My friend is out of town and I’m supposed to be taking care of her pet fish but it died and you work at the pet store help me find one that looks the same so she won’t notice!" (this one has a hella flirtatious Raphael making some jokes that imply sexual attraction but it doesn’t actually HAVE him experience it and it’s honestly one of the cutest, funniest little Saphael fics ever so)

if i ever had your number, i think i would use it by eversall

“You – why is your number in the Pandemonium bathroom?”

(classic meet-ugly sorta vibe) I am a pile of bricks and you are holding a sledgehammer by LiviKate “So when do I get tucked safely back under Raphael’s wing?” “You won’t,” Lily said, wandering over to the other side of the room to get her own drink. “Raphael has a new fledgling now. You’re stuck with me.” Or, when Simon isn't the newest vamp in the clan, he has a hard time sharing.

Promised It All, But You Lied by sirknightmordred As Raphael lies in a magical coma that can't be cured, Simon thinks back to pivotal moments in their relationship. (There IS a warning for fairly descriptive sexual assault, but it’s actually surrounded by bolded words in the story so easy to skip. And it does not attribute his ace-ness to the assault, but it’s also rep for those of us who are ace AND have negative experiences with sexual violence)

Sing me a Song by Margo_96

the one where Simon teaches Raphael's younger brother how to play the guitar and Raphael is not happy. or maybe he doesn't mind it that much (Okay so this is one that kind of equates asexual to ‘not wanting sex,’ and Raphael does have very strong infatuation so not so much representative of romantically-fuzzy people. Hooweeverr, it’s cute af, and I like Simon’s initial reaction to the coming out, and it’s 8 chapters, so worth a read for sure) until i’m not afraid by angelblooddemondust

(Trans!Simon (which I can’t speak to at all) ft ace!supportiveRaph (which I can)) (read the notes) -

Saphael (ft. smut):

Head is spinning thinking ‘bout by LiviKate

Simon and Raphael enjoy their time together, even if Simon doesn't really know what to call it.

Or, gratuitous vampire sex with some ace-spectrum themes because there's not enough Asexual Raphael.

(This is a lot of blood drinking, which is not my fav, but it’s brilliant in terms of what a sex-positive ace might look like and how they experience sex- it’s from Raph’s POV, and it’s quite good overall imo. Probably my favourite ace!smut)

Just Pull me Closer by SomeWaywardDaughter After spending an irritating patrol with Clary and Jace, Simon just wants to get back to Hotel DuMort and Raphael. (so I’mma be honest I was in a pretty sex-repulsed mood while doing this part so I didn’t fully reread it to be sure it’s safe but it’s literally written by a self-professed ace author and I did see reference to the aceness amidst the smut so I’m pretty sure we’re good)

What is Desired by DustinMcDreamy (I’m not going to include descriptions for smut because many of them are potentially triggering in nature for sex-repulsed friends, but this one is a dom/sub sort of thing, pretty hella kinky so buyers beware. It’s messy on the ace-front (the author started the series before Raphael came out, and had to add it retroactively) but there’s some good lines in there in particular for gray ace or demi folks who are experiencing lust for someone for the first/only time, etc.) chasing starlight by mostlikelydefinentlymad There was no set destination, simply one agreed upon prerogative: drive. (So this isn’t technically smut insofar as there’s no actual explicit description of sex, it’s basically all blood drinking, but it’s a heavily implied metaphor and Raphael’s blood lust for Simon is very reminiscent of sexual attraction, so that part kind of doesn’t reflect how I feel as an ace person. BUT Raphael does not actually experience sexual attraction, the story is quite lovely, and the author is quite lovely as well, so I’d still recommend it)

Caught. by Kalifa (Lol this is short and not super smutty either but it’s like #sexindifferentfeels all the way) -

Raphael and Other Characters ( back to no smut):

love comes in at the eye by prettydizzeed

The first time he asks Raphael out, Raphael scoffs.

(A Raphael/Meliorn fic- and I gotta tell you I didn’t even ship these two but the characterization is beautiful and the handling of the asexuality is a dream)

maybe we're just gonna live forever, maybe heaven's a mistake by prettydizzeed

Raphael presses the pendant into his palm and looks at Magnus. “How did you become okay with it?” Magnus gives a flourish of his hand. “After the whole ‘half demon blood, scorned by the earth as a monster’ thing, liking boys wasn't that big of a deal.” He sees Raphael's expression and adds gently, “But it's different for everyone.” Raphael looks at his hands. Lets go of the cross. “How do I become okay with it?” Incompatible by NotEvenThat

Raphael wants to know why their relationship works for Jace. As with everything, Jace struggles to talk about his feelings and why Raphael Santiago makes him feel so safe. (I can’t even get over how much I love that this fic makes asexuality seem like a bonus rather than a burden in a relationship- which shouldn’t be rare, but alas)

landscapes by brightclam

(Another Raph/Meliorn, those seem to be popular! Ft. gender nonconforming Meliorn and the tags “Asexual Raphael Santiago” “i shouldn't have to tag that but some of y'all demons ignore that” which made me laugh for like 5 minutes)

- Arospec!Raphael/Romance not Mentioned:

Make Yourself at Home by savannahrunes

Two occasions Raphael Santiago shows up at Magnus's door, each time with something quite important to say. (This is my favourite aroace Raphael fic ever and made me cry both times I read it. Also written by an ace author) (do yourself a favour and read this even if you’re not arospec- although that goes for all of them in this category) (he is legitimately 100% aro in this)

Unnamed Soulmate AU by http://parabatri-gonebabygone.tumblr.com

(So I couldn’t trace this back to AO3 or even the author’s most recent tumblr but it’s so beautiful and I love this fic so much and the author (in my limited opinion) did an amazing job of having an aroace soulmate dynamic and gah, yes)

Four Times Raphael Santiago Was Kissed, and the One Time He Kissed First by albabutter

His mother should have had a house full of girls. Instead she ended up with him and his brothers and a rag tag crew of every teenaged hooligan in a five mile radius running through her home. She was quick to grab an ear but quicker to give a hug, and Raphael put up with it as well as could be expected. She gave hugs to the neighborhood boys and kisses to her sons, and the only silver lining was that she didn’t wear lipstick. (honestly this is one of my favourite Raphael fics in general, and I believe the author only intended for him to be ace in this but I definitely interpret it as at least aro-spec as well if not just straight-up aroace) When’s a monster not a monster? by scalira “He had never heard about something like this before. You either liked the opposite sex or you lived in sin as someone who liked the same sex. But he had never heard of people just not liking any sex.He decided to just let it rest for now, pushing the worry aside till he at least graduated highschool. But then there was a friend, and his name was David.” (*** Warning: there is a fairly sudden mention of oral sex near the beginning. And some descriptions of violence. But this is one of my favourite ace-fics in the way that it explains what asexual attraction feels like for me, and Raph is also grey-homoromantic so bonus) (this author has lots of varying ace and demi/grayromantic/etc Raphael fics too to check out) Carpe Noctem by UMsArchive For decades, it seems like unlife couldn't get any better and nothing threatens to take all of that happiness away from Simon. Aside from the passing of time that slowly takes everything away from him. Almost everything. (Listed as demiromantic, but as far as I can remember doesn’t even have kissing by the end so it should be fairly aro-friendly)

Maybe by mckvch(RaiseYourVoice)

“ Yeah, he definitely didn’t want to kiss girls, ever, but boys...not so much, either.” (arospec Raphael with some ambiguousness about his feelings for Simon) It's Not a Date (Unless I Pay for Dinner) by Vitamin_Me Clary cancels their date last minute, but Simon ends up having a good time despite himself. (So I don’t think this author really intended on having Raphael be aro or even ace, but while I’m not aro and can’t be sure, I think this fic should be pretty safe even for people who are mildly romance-repulsed. There’s definitely implications of feelings- especially from Simon- but really I interpret it as being this chill, mostly platonic, nice little fic that makes me feel pretty good when I’m sick of all the heavy romance stuff) 18. Play A Musical Instrument by GideonGraystairs

So this is just a tiny drabble amidst a sea of drabbles but I love it because it’s one of the only fics I’ve seen that’s literally JUST Raphael, reflecting, by himself. It doesn’t say he’s ace/aro anything, it just doesn’t have any romantic arc at all) -

ace!Alec Lightwood:

Accidental Fate by allonsyarielle

There were two things Alec Lightwood knew about himself beyond a shadow of a doubt. The first was that he was gay. The second was that he does not like sex. Through a chance encounter with Magnus Bane, Alec learns about asexuality, and it opens his eyes to a new part of his identity. (okay so this one did sort of equate asexuality with “not wanting sex” but I still included it because I think it’s a frank take on how it can feel to realize you’re asexual, and all of the negative emotions that can come with that) Sleepovers Aren’t Just for Kids by SomeWaywardDaughter Ace!Alec discovery his sexuality (written by an ace author) -

Others SH headcannons:

Send My Love To Your New Lover by HornedQueenOfHell

(This one is about ace!Etta, one of Magnus’s old exes. It also does the ace=not wanting sex thing, but the author is ace-spec so it’s got some perspective for sure. And it’s written so beautifully and such a lovely concept. **Warning for ace-phobia and brief sexual harassment) (I cried the first time I read this) El Hijo De Santa Muerte by Gzmoii “He stepped aside, letting Guadalupe in. She walked in with a careful nod, looking around at Magnus’ loft. Magnus snapped his fingers behind his back, hiding the potions and other magical ingredients around the loft. Given that Guadalupe wasn’t a mundane, she wouldn’t be able to notice the subtle shift as everything around the room moved. Guadalupe’s head snapped toward him, “What was that?” She asked.” (So this actually DOES have ace!Raphael, but I’m putting it here because it also has aro!Guadalupe Santiago, which is hella rad) (22 ch and counting)

You Aren’t Broken by allonsyarielle

(Ace!Alec but also demiromantic!Magnus)

-- -- -- Alright, that’s it for now! Hope you all got something out of this! If you are one of the authors listed here and you want your fic/name OFF the list, please message me. If you have written an ace-friendly fic that you want included, hmu and I’ll check it out. Depending on demand, I’ll hopefully be doing updated lists every so often, as well as spin-offs (for example, I have a small but growing list of Malec fics that just so happen to have really sweet comments about asexuality, or have ace!Raphael as a minor character). If you want to request any specific type of fic, please feel free to ask me, I’ve literally got folders overflowing. Have a lovely, ace-friendly day!

71 notes · View notes

amicicidalgambler · 7 years

Text

you know what fuck it kitty did it so i have an excuse and im sick so i need something mindless to do

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? not really nah.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? just with nadaya :3c

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? id be willing to say its nad

4: Have you ever changed for someone? yyyyyyyes? shes willing to fake things she doesnt feel and play up certain parts of her personality for a relationship

5: How is your relationship with your ex? theyre all dead jim. except eridan and kanaya and she hasnt talked to kan and her relationship with eridan is Awkward

6: Have you ever been cheated on? as far as she knows no, but for the npc relationships its possible?

7: Have you ever cheated? nah

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? yeah, she doesnt really care

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? having fun but like. said in a way that sounds like she has no fucking idea what another answer would be

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? flings? she likes short barely committed relationships.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? shed be okay with it. more than okay with it even. so okay with it that actually she doesnt care you can leave for a while and shell barely notice.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? i guess the drone thing kinda counts but none

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? she feels like she was a tad harsh with eridan but otherwise i cant think of anything

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? yes? she feels like if you meet someone and youre meant to keep talking to them youll Know

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah dude

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? either not being interesting enough or outright hurting her

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? vris gives up as soon as she starts feeling too bored with them, but thats the only way shes done it so otherwise she has no fuckening clue

20: Are you currently in a relationship? ya

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? when theyre not dead yes

22: Do you think people should date their friends? sure

23: How many relationships have you had? 3 since this blog started, 2 from canon, and ive fleshed out 2 of the npc relationships so that would be 7? ye

24: Do you think love can last forever? for other people yes. for her not so much.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? no.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? the first thing that came to mind was “May8e don’t.”

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? its kind of hard for trolls with instant transportation to do the whole ldr thing for real.

29: What do you notice first about another person? how their brain feels to her powers

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? bi/pan and grey-aro

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? ehhhhhhh. depending on what it is it could work but dont expect her to be that helpful.

33: Do you want to get married one day? shes not really familiar with marriage but the idea of actually committing like that usually freaks her out.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? n ah she doesnt even like regular tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? she prefers it that way

36: Are you still a virgin? no but only because drones

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality?

38: Do you enjoy love films? there has to be something else violent going on in the plot also but sometimes

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? probably has received them, probably hasnt given them

40: Have you ever had a valentine? ppprprprprprprprobably not

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? a murder date. really though shes not super picky as long as its fun and not too crowded

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? mmm. she feels like your partner is supposed to be a little more important than your friends but in practice its p even for her.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? half of the time yes. the other half she feels like shes Not Meant for relationships.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? yes but im not saying which one aha

48: What’s your favorite love song? meant to be yours from the heathers musical, my love wont wait by two gallants, and true love by thoushaltnot are all the ones that show up on her trntbl more than once. but im also going to add the squeaky wheel by the dear hunter

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? im pretty sure most of them were too busy bleeding out to be heartbroken

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? shes single in pale because she doesnt really want a moirail? she doesnt see much reason to since she has nadaya and doesnt see her being as comfortable as someone else. then in pitch she has kind of weird needs and its hard to meet them.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? like 90% of the people shes dated have been rich douchebags. also she is a rich douchebags. thats just kind of who she usually gets along with.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? a broke clock is right twice a day

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? ssssssssort of. she kind of flips between being repulsed by seeing other couples and being jealous

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? having other people know shes together with someone is important to her but there doesnt need to be any spectacle to it yknow

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? vriska can get really fucking jealous in the wrong circumstances. like “i want to kill your other mates” jealous. shes not super clingy though she can only talk to her mate once every couple of weeks and be fine. it can be better for her that way sometimes tbh like with mak rn.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? yes

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? shes like the non-sexual equivalent of a power bottom Or Something. she wants control of whats happening but is more submissive Or Something.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? she never forgets but it doesnt always last long enough for that kind of thing to come up lmao

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? she doesnt have anything against them but theyre very much not for her. shes way way to jealous to share a quad with someone and doesnt feel any need to take more than one mate in a quad, and isnt big on non-quad romance

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? yes she does

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? SHE REALLY REALLY IS BUT WONT ADMIT TO IT

#ooc #LONG AS HELL UNDER THE CUT //#took out the ones that didnt apply #headcanons.txt

4 notes · View notes

ixxixixxi · 5 years

Text

fuk

my best friend now is telling me how shes eating kiwi and she may be mildly allergic to it but she likes it anyway and it reminded me of my best friend in 8th grade who i was mildly in love with who would eat oranges but she was def allergic and her mouth would get blotchy and sting and her tongue would get itchy and she’d run around fanning at herself but liked oranges too much to stop and im pretty sure the first time i saw her do that was idk if the first but def one of the most memorable memories i have of her i think because i realized i was def in love with her and wanted to kiss her but sdkjfhshjdfsf obviously my repressed little ass did Not do that bc i just am not sjdhfshdf someone who wants to tell people i like that i like them esp not her but anyway i shdjfhsdf

i just got rly sad and then it also really does not help that lately ive been wondering like am i also kind of in love with this friend???? i dont know i genuinely dont know??? sometimes im like no theres no way bc its just not the same as jhdfshjd with other people but at the same time the two times im somewhat certain i was in love before didnt feel exactly the same either but this i mean with this friend i ?? am i repressing my own feelings, am i too scared to let myself feel that?? i dont know and if i did feel that would i want to tell her I DEFINITELY DONT know about that either

and like one of my biggest fears is it turning out that im just lonely and pushed romanticized daydreams onto her bc shes like the only person i talk to and if that was the case i could never tell her that and hurt her somehow or make things weird bc like a few years ago she tolkd me shdjsahds shjdsad hsshdjhshdh yknow........ she felt that ffffff for me but we dhfsjhd i was i was just i literally at the time wasnt even processing romantic feelings like i was just rejecting them left and right whenever i felt them and not letting myself think abt that stuff at all and i literally was going through a crisis like am i ace?? am i just aromatnic?? but since then i think i settled on the fact that i probably am not aro im def bi in p much all aspects but i have so much anxiety and intimacy issues bc of my garbage father that the idea of someone else liking me makes me want to be sick a little bit.... which is something i still have not let myself think too hard about bc i feel like itll open an entirely new part of my insecure brain that i dont want to face probably...BUT ANYWAY.

flirting is so good and fun but its also awful bc it makes me like people and then the thought of them liking me genuinely and not just joking around makes my stomach turn and idk if its in a bad way or good way yknow?? i remember there was also this girl i liked before (ok what the hell i swear i typically like guys more and end up crushing on them more often than girls but all my crisis’ are over girls....why? also idk why im so fixated on which gender i like more often when im still attracted to literally anyone regardless of gender despite gender factoring into how my attraction feels....is this internalized biphobia) who as soon as she proclaimed her love 2 me i was immediately shaken and couldnt talk to her out of fear AND ALSO like she was sort of manipulative and awful sometimes which led to me not liking her but still the fact that as soon as she said she liked me i felt sick and scared and like couldnt speak to her why. why????

anyway what was i saying oh yeah idk THE FRUIT THIGN. it made me sad. it reminded me of when i realized i loved my 8th grade best friend and lately ive already been thinking about if im in love with this best friend or if im just hdfjhsfd i dont know i dont know what the fuck WOULDNT I KNOW FOR SURE THO if i was like wouldnt it be a definite yes or no? so since it not that must mean im not and im just being dhfjsdhf weird right?? am i just feeling extra gay lately and am projecting it on her? do i just want attention???

i dont know what the fuck is going on but i care abt this friend way too much to fucking mess with her emotions in any way and like i dhjfhjdf when she talks about this guy she liked i would get jealous sometimes but im not a very jealous person so its not like jshdhjsf intense jealousy but is that bc i dont rly like her and im just jealous of her giving attention and wanting to talk all the time to someone else OR am i jealous bc she liekd him i genuinely DONT KNOW? bc like sometimes i wouldnt be jealous tho except i still would be but hjsdjhsdf i dont know. do you see? i cant even understand my own intentions behind feelings. also like when things were going poorly between them i would get rly upset for her and definitely not happy about them not getting along, not even a little bit and if i liked her wouldnt i be glad shes talking to me instead of him? not rly tho bc 1 i would never want someone i like in any way be it romantic or platonic to be on bad terms with someone they care about, even if it benefits me somehow or makes them hang out with me more, thatd be awful and i get why other people feel that way sometimes but im grateful that i dont, and 2 i dont get jealous that way, the only time i get jealous is if someone is completely changing their attention from me to another person entirely, but if i still have some of their attention and theyre also friends/into/etc someone else its not rly an issue at all for me but is that bc thats just how my jealousy works?? or would it be different if i did love her in that way aND LIKE AM I CONFUSIGN romantic love with platonic love and ?? what the fuck

the thing is with a romantic partner i’d mostly just wanna do platonic things anyway?? and the only time i think of s** is in relation to my kinks which is weird i guess but shdfsjhdf i dont picture anything like that with someone i’d be romantically attracted to...do i? i dont know? ive never thought about it? in all my daydreams/fantasies/etc whoever im involved with s*xually hasnt ever been anyone specific just like a mix of everything im attracted to but isnt that normal? but then again love was definitely not involved in any of those fantasies, oh god. then again thats just ?? stuff in my head its not an indicator of what i’d like or be like in reality right with another person I >SDF?SDF SD?F AAAA what the fuck.

maybe all of this will become clearer to me when i move the fuck out and am able to be myself and think clearly without worrying about what my idiot parents or brother will say abt anything i express. then again moving out seems like it will be another lifetime away, it doesnt even seem like a possibility right now which makes me want to fckn kneel over and die. AAAAA WHATEVER BYE

what the fucdjksdcsdkjsd i hate being a person with weird undecipherable emotions i wish i was a fucking dog or raccoon or god damn ROCK

#txt #i am too sober to be analyzing my stupid feelings this mcuh

0 notes

like-rain-or-confetti · 6 years

Text

Memories (Vladimir x Reader x Marcus Volturi)

It was just a pleasant conversation with a few of Carlisle's friends which transitioned immediately when Vladimir spoke up. "You remind me of my mate." Vladimir's voice was startlingly soft as he stared at you. His expression was as though he hadn't realised how much he had missed his mate until you did...well that was the thing. You didn't know what you did but Vladimir wasn't the only one. A few vampires looked at you with slight awe. You really saw how broken Vladimir was after his loss. There was no arrogance or intimidation, just pure heartbreak. His eyes darkening significantly. It was an intense stare off between you both.You had almost forgotten there were others in the Cullens sitting room watching the altercation. As each second went by, you grew more nervous which soon turned into fear as you hoped Vladimir didn’t lash out at you. “Vladimir...” Stefan called quietly. Vladimir didn’t seem to hear him or was ignoring him entirely. You shifted in discomfort. If you tore your eyes away who knew what would happen. You could feel your rising panic. “Vladimir.” Stefan repeated a little louder and Vladimir’s head snapped to Stefan, coming back to reality. Vladimir stepped back before abruptly leaving the room. Stefan following him.

You thought it was a one off occasion. Whilst Vladimir was never really the same around you anymore. You thought that everything would slowly return to normal. Normality seemed delayed however as the Volturi requested to meet you and you were in no position to oppose them. Therefore you did without second thought.

The Volturi Castle was breathtaking. Most of the rooms had some sort of encapsulating theme. Most brown and red, some then had gold. Each room seemed to symbolise an era. You couldn't help but gaze in awe turning in a 360 to really take in every tiny detail. You didn’t even notice the eyes of Felix and Demetri latching on to you. For the first while they found it amusing, even letting out a few chuckles here and there but soon it really occurred to them just how entranced you were.

After a few days into your visit, you had become aware of these looks they would have as they watched you. You felt rather uncomfortable and whilst in the privacy of Marcus' personal study, the topic came up. "Actually, you'll find you're rather intoxicating to some of our kind." Marcus gazed at you. They're was no fire or drive in his eyes, they were dull with a milky film covering his eyes like a few vampires had. "Why?" "It is in the way you look at the world. Everything in this castle is dull and outdated like the rest of us. A capsule in time and the world is moving on without us." Marcus' eyes moved to you. "Yet you look at the things in this castle with complete awe, as though brand new. It's endearing just as it would be in a child. There is an excitement about you and it's clear in your eyes alone." You couldn't help but notice that just as you were taking in his eyes, he seemed to be doing the same.

It all began to get to you in the end. It had been months and you had grown attached to both Marcus and Vladimir in different ways. You had begun to get You didn't talk about it to anyone and so the ever growing certainty that you were ruining lives only escalated. Soon enough, others noticed and Edward looked hurt every time you walked in the room. Still neither of you told anyone how you were feeling. Marcus and Vladimir didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve to be toyed with whilst you cant make a decision. You cared for both of them but logic kicked in. Vladimir was only interested in you because you remind him of his mate. He's looking for his deceased mate, not you. It could also be said with Marcus, he misses the one he loves. Truth be told, you just didn't want to decide and you felt horrible for it. You wanted more control and so you were scrambling for any remains of it you could find.

Eventually, Carlisle was the one to ask alongside Eleazar. “You could just ask Edward, he hears everything in my head-” “I’m not going to invade your privacy like that. I’m not going to ask Edward. I’m asking you.” Carlisle looked at you like a father would. He wanted to help but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything out loud and you couldn't ruin Carlisle because of is good nature. Your voice quivered. “I-I can’t say.” “You can, nothing you could ever say would be denied.” You felt a build up of tears and violently shook your head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

You ran, you couldn’t bear looking at Eleazar and Carlisle anymore as well as feeling a few eyes on your back which you were certain one set belonged to Vladimir. You rushed to your car, ready to start the ignition when- “Hey.” An female Irish accent was heard as you turned to see a small woman from the Irish coven bent down, staring at you, her fingers gripping the door as the window was already rolled down. If memory served you, her name was Maggie. “Take your time, the truth always waits for us. It’s not going anywhere.” She stepped back as you turned the key and immediately drove off. In your rear view mirror you could see Maggie, now joined by Siobhan and Liam, watching you drive away.

You immediately called the Volturi, Heidi’s phone. She put you on speaker when you sounded very distressed as there was sounds of a car in the background. “(Y/N), you’re on speaker phone, we can all hear you.” You heard Heidi call out. “Is Marcus there?” You asked nervously. “Yes, he can hear you.” “I...I owe Marcus an apology. I just wanted to say i’m sorry.” “An apology? For what reason?” Marcus’ voice was quieter but you could hear that it was him. You struggled to some up every little emotion that you had felt, all of the thoughts that rushed through you. “Everything.” You shook your head. “Are you alright?” You don’t know who of the leaders asked this but you really didn’t see the day you’d hang up on the Volturi. Yet there you were, hanging up without so much as a goodbye.

You spent around two days to yourself, digesting what you hadn’t had the chance to in two years. You were thrown into the vampire world, head first and everything with Bella had been moving so quickly, you were forced to keep up. Truth be told, Bella made it look easy and you thought it was too, until the attention was on you. There wasn’t any doubt, you had caught the attention of Marcus and Vladimir. Now it felt like every step you took, could destroy everything and it wasn’t your world to break. You remembered the same bit of advice you had always been given. It might not work in this situation but it was the best you had. You remembered being told that no one should suffer in silence. It was torture to bottle things up in the hopes that they will go away. This was bigger than you and the answer became simple. You had been quiet for too long. In that moment, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The last person you had expected to receive a text from was Alice. No one had heard from her since she had left. ‘Good decision.’ You chuckled wiping away a tear.

“(Y/N)!” Renesmee cried in happiness running to you. You scooped her up immediately. “Hi, sweetie.” “Grandma will be so happy to see you back! and Momma! and Papa! and-” “We’re all happy to see you, kid.” Emmett grinned as he appeared from nowhere and pulling you into a hug. “I missed you all.” You said quietly, hugging him back.

You got many hugs from the Cullens, at your return. They were relieved to see you in much lighter spirits. “I think i’m ready to talk now.” You murmured to Carlisle. So without delay you told him, you told him everything. You cried at times, at others you struggled to find the words but in the end, everything was out in the open and you felt nothing but relief afterwards.

You sent a letter to Marcus, letting him know that you were okay and that you'd come to visit him soon when things had died down and sure enough you kept your promise. It had been a few months after the confrontation and you went to see Marcus. You weren't an idiot. You knew Aro's pleasantries were far from sincere but Caius had never hesitated in speaking his mind before he was surprisingly cut off. "They are not here to see you." Marcus said to Caius, sourly. "I know the last I contacted you, I was in a dark place but things have gotten better and I did want there to be any bad blood between us." You said to Marcus smoothly. "I hope you don't see my relationship with the Cullen's as an opposition to you. I'd like to stay neutral on the matter as I am not involved. "Why of course, you also weren't present during this time so you do not need to worry." You couldn't believe just how open and understanding he was in comparison to his brothers.

Marcus led you to his room, inviting you to sit on the sofa. "I presume you are feeling better?" He asked as he joined you and you nodded. "I'm sorry, if I caused any commotion, I wasn't in the right mind and acted without thinking." "I was never upset with you, (Y/N). I just want to know why. I do not like the thought that you were so upset and alone, not to mention for how long." "There's no easy way to say it, so I'm just going to come out with it." You took a breath. "I had the idea in my head that, I was hurting you all. I felt that I didn't know what I was doing and that I could destroy everyone's lives. You've both told me how you felt and...I don't want to hurt either of you and I don't want to cause any suffering to anyone. Bella made it all look so easy." You shook your head, tears welling up. "I realised I was still trying to understand the existence of vampires and wolves but so much drama happened with Bella that...I never got the chance. When you and Vladimir came along, it really forced me to acknowledge my actions could be detrimental and that's not what I want. After a while, i realised I shouldn't keep all of this to myself." Marcus watched you and remained silent. You thought that perhaps you had offended him. "It hurts me to know you kept this to yourself for so long, (Y/N)." Marcus said. "I could have lifted such a weight from your shoulders in a moment." Marcus leaned forward slightly, leaning on his elbows. "I apologize that you've been put in such a predicament over actions that weren't your own. I doubt you've been given an apology so I shall be the one to give it." You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, completely relieved that he wasn't angry with you and understanding. You felt close to Marcus. You always had and his support, did lift the weight from your shoulders. "I hope my saying so is enough to ease your mind. There isn't a destructive bone in your body. I don't think you're capable of causing anyone any harm. It's our kind that should be worried about hurting you." You locked eyes with Marcus for a moment, fighting back the tears again before quickly pulling Marcus into a hug. He seemed surprised but nevertheless put his hands on your back. "Don't worry yourself so. You're too precious of a soul to dampen for anyone like us." He said to you quietly against your shoulder.

You often read about moments that felt right at the time but rarely, if ever, had you experienced it for yourself. That was until you leaned in and kissed Marcus. You didn't know if it was a good idea in the long run but it felt right for now and that's all you wanted. With a gentle touch, Marcus took hold of your face and pulled away, refusing to look at you. "I'm sorry." You whispered. "Don't be." Was his quiet response. Marcus glanced up at you, his hands still on your face as he moved one hand to the side of your head and planted a kiss to your cheek.

#twilight #volturi #one shot #reader #oneshot #vladimir and stefan #breaking dawn part 2 #the cullens #carlisle cullen #breaking dawn covens #marcus volturi

123 notes · View notes