#big sib reader

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 16: Not Myself

Synopsis:  Y/n tries to make today the best it can possibly be…Even if that means pretending to be okay with it. Meanwhile, the boys encounter a very familiar chimera ant. But what's that???? Oh no! 😱😱😱 Could it be???? Childhood trauma 🫣

Silence.

It was quiet when Gon returned to the small home. Too quiet for his liking. He expected to hear you and Killua talking. To come back to your usual banter before you went on your date with Palm. But there was nothing from either of you.

He walked in further. A faint mumbling from your room at last reaching his ears. Maybe the two of you were in there? However it didn't seem likely as he approached your door. He couldn't sense Killua's presence inside with you. Then all at once you'd gone quiet.

Like you just now realized he was here.

Gon was by no means an idiot. Sure he had his moments, but that didn’t make him completely oblivious. Something had happened. Something had been happening judging by the way Killua was distancing himself from you and Gon. Never saying much anymore. Instead, observing from afar.

And now something was happening with you. As if your muttering hadn't already been an indication.

He gave a few knocks on your door before calling your name.

“Y/n!”

He could hear you let out a sigh before responding.

“You can come in.”

You were sitting on your bed when he walked in. The room being much neater than Palm had left it. But the room wasn't the only thing that was different. Somehow, you seemed less drained. Getting up and taking your clothes with a certain vigor that wasn't there before. 

Gon could tell immediately that something was off with you. You'd been dreading going on this date all morning, and now you seemed enthusiastic about it. Moving about with energy he'd never seen you have before.

“You were quick, you know that?” You said, giving him a pat to the head that was almost robotic. Not something you'd done out of affection like earlier, but because you simply had to.

Why were you treating him like that? Like he really was a little kid. The gentle inflection in your voice making him worry. The best way to describe it was a forced cheeriness. Except he had trouble telling if it really was forced. 

Then you'd flashed him a smile, but it wasn't yours. It felt fake. Practiced. Artificial from how perfect it looked. How wide and toothy it was. A small noticeable gap in the middle. Had that always been there? 

Your smiles, your real ones were always crooked. Almost to the point of being cruel. And they were small. Never stretching out across your entire face. 

But this one looked charismatic. Devoid of the usual tiredness you held. To someone who didn't know you, it would feel welcoming. Charming. But to someone like Gon who'd spent the better half of a year with you, it was anything but. Like a switch had flipped.

“Thank you so much, munchkin.” And now that he was hearing it again, your tone…. It was boisterous. 

This was not you.

It couldn't be.

You who was always tired, always snarky, always comforting…Were now upbeat and detached. What had happened in the 30 minute span he'd been gone? 

“You're acting off.” He voiced his concerns at last. But instead of reassuring him, you just brushed it off like nothing.

“Am I? I feel fine.”

A brief squeeze to his shoulder before you spoke again.

“Don't stress yourself out over nothing, okay?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” He didn't believe you for a second. 

You weren't fine yesterday when you came home. You were on edge. More irritable than usual with Palm’s presence. And now you were acting like this. This was not nothing. Maybe the stress from the Chimera Ants had finally broken you? Maybe it was something else? 

Maybe it was someone else?

“Never better. Now give me a few minutes to change and we'll be on our way.” Again came that smile as you ushered him out. The one that was the complete opposite of yours.

You'd closed the door shut once he was out. It was like you were hiding from him. Scared to be around for more than a few minutes. And before he could try to figure out what it meant, he was face to face with Killua.

“Oh, you're back.” His voice coming out scratchy.

Then there were his eyes, puffy and slightly bloodshot. He'd been crying. Gon wanted to question him. Ask him what was wrong. But he had a feeling it wasn't the right time. You were leaving in 10 minutes. If he asked now, Killua would probably shut down at an interruption. And then he'd refuse for it to be brought up again. 

He'd wait until you left to get to the bottom of this. But he knew, he was certain he knew what the reason was.

Something had happened between the two of you. 

And a fight was the most likely answer.

—-------------------

You weren't used to this anymore. Being so smiley and upbeat just because. Acting like you had it all figured out. And maybe you did when you were 7. There'd only ever been one goal at the time. One purpose. But you also had a home. People to connect with. 

Maybe that was why you were so damn happy. 

You didn't have to worry about looking over your shoulder. You didn't have to worry about food. You didn't have to worry about taking care of others. All you had to do was make the head of your clan happy. Appease him in exchange for everything else. 

But now you had nothing. You weren't wanted anymore. Maybe you never really were. Your life for the past twenty something years revolved around your usefulness. What you could offer others in exchange for normalcy. And the revelation had pushed you past your limit.

It left you feeling numb. You simply didn't care anymore. Whatever happened to you after this, it didn't matter. The brief concern from Gon didn't matter. The regret littering Killua's aura didn't matter. 

They wouldn't have to ‘worry’ about you ever again. So you plastered on a smile you'd long overgrown. A tone that was honeyed and eccentric. Movements that weren't slowed with exhaustion.

It felt like you were disassociating with every step you took. The person you were trying to portray had died 13 years ago with their sister. All that was left now was a husk. 

A coward, a disgrace, a burden. 

Something so pitiful and useless, yet it longed for a reason to keep going. A life worth living with people worth living for. And for a moment, it had that. For a brief moment, you had that. 

You were supposed to enjoy today. Make it worth it before you sought out ‘Father.’ But you were just floating by. Living because you had to. Treating it more like a chore than one last hurrah. 

Tired. You were so unbelievably tired. You longed for rest. And if it happened to be permanent, then that wouldn't be so bad.

You shouldn't think like that. No, you had to get through today first. 

The boys had wanted to see you off. Or well, Gon had wanted to see you off and Killua followed him. The boy in green seemingly oblivious to the other’s melancholy state. Had Killua not told him about the fight? 

A small part of you wanted to know why. But you reminded yourself it wasn't your concern. Not anymore. Whatever they chose to do next, it was no longer your responsibility.

A call of your name snapped you from your thoughts.

“Over here!” The voice sounded again.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the prettiest woman you've ever seen. Long brown hair with amethyst colored eyes. A black and pale-yellow dress with stockings to match. She waited for your response with a bashful expression. 

“Huh? I'm sorry, who are…” the words dying on your tongue as the realization came.

No way.

No fricken way!

But your eyes were never wrong. 

The woman in front of you was none other than Palm. They’re auras being an exact match. The only difference was that it was less intense than before.

You could feel your cheeks warm as she came closer. The heat rising to your ears at the small laugh she gave. This was really her? You were by no means vain, or at least you tried not to be. But you couldn't help getting flustered by the beautiful woman in front of you. Your facade momentarily slipping away.

“P-Palm?” You stuttered. Still unbelieving that she was the one in front of you. You could sense the discomfort steadily rise from her aura.

“Do I look strange to you?” She seemed to be second guessing herself.

It took you all but a second to gather your thoughts. Your radiant front returning.

“Strange? Not at all. If I'm being honest, you're absolutely breathtaking. My heart can't stop beating.”

But it truly did beat for someone else entirely. 

“Oh no, please stop it. You're being far too loud! It's just so embarrassing!” Palm squealed, hiding behind her hands. 

You gently coaxed them away from her face. Offering a smile that felt a little more genuine.

“Hey, don't hide away from me. I'm supposed to be your date, remember? And you're not the only one who's all dressed up.” 

Your cooing tone making butterflies erupt in her stomach. For the first time that day, she took a real good look at you. You'd been dressed a little more formal than she was. Wearing a nice button up with a pair of black slacks. Her previous worry replaced by a feeling of fondness at your effort. Then you'd extended your arm forward, offering a small bouquet of roses.

“These are for you, by the way.” You said. And her heart melted right then and there.

“Ooh, you're being too sweet!”

The interaction being observed by both boys with scrutiny. It looked like you and Palm were going to get along just fine. And it was bittersweet for the small assassin, who didn't expect you to be so radiant after your fight. 

A part of him expected to see you upset. You sure as hell sounded like it earlier. But another told him that this was probably for the best. He'd hurt you enough this morning. Said things he could never take back. And now it was time to let you go. Who was he to stand in your way after what he'd done?

But the boy in green had a different perspective. 

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to feel relieved that you and Palm would hit it off. But it wasn't how things were supposed to be. You and Kite liked each other. 

You and him were supposed to end up together, right? 

It'd taken him and Killua a while to get used to the idea, but Kite was someone who'd earned both of their trusts. Who'd earned their respect. And the way he'd stepped up when you were at your lowest, it meant something. 

It showed that he really did care about you, and that you were finally comfortable enough to let down your guard.

You two just fit together in a way that felt too special for words. 

But the way you looked at Palm said otherwise. Your eyes so bright with a smile so big. You looked more at ease than you had with Kite. 

Then again, you hadn't been acting like yourself today.

Gon wasn't selfish enough to believe just because you and Kite had liked each other, you couldn't find anybody else. That you couldn't move on. 

But you and Palm didn't fit quite right together.

He and Killua didn't know her. They didn't trust her or know anything about her intentions. In fact, he'd almost been the one forced on this date. She'd also threatened the both of them several times. He didn't feel comfortable with you going out with somebody like that. 

When Kite had put up with so much to keep them safe.

He didn't like the thought of leaving you by yourself with her, but you were always careful. And he needed to find out what was going on with you and Killua. So he let you go, reminding himself that this was just one date. This was a favor, and you wouldn't be going on another one with her.

“We'll leave you to it. Have fun Y/n!” He encouraged before tugging Killua away to talk. Palm leading you away in the other direction.

He was immediately met with resistance from the small assassin. Killua pulling back and trying to turn his head to see you. Watching almost frantically as your figure shrunk smaller and smaller out of sight.

“We can just let Palm drag them away! You know Y/n doesn't fight. We need to keep an eye on them just in case.” He argued. Trying to justify following you around. 

Grasping at straws because if you were being serious this morning, it'd be the last time he ever saw you. The last time they ever got to see you happy.

‘You can't even fight anyways. You'd just continue to be a burden.’ The memory of what he said hitting him like a truck.

You weren't a burden. He wasn't doing this because you were. He just wanted to make sure your date went perfectly, so he could let you go with the knowledge that today had been your best. 

“They're getting away. We have to-” but Gon stopped him before he could finish.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

The question catching him completely off guard. His eyes widening as he tried to come up with something to say.

“What? Crying? Maybe you were just seeing things.” It was a very flimsy excuse even Killua didn't buy.

“Killua, you can't lie to me. We've been best friends for over a year. I don't need you to tell me you're upset to know.” And in Gon's eyes was an unshakable resolve. 

One that was saying, ‘it’ll be okay.’ That it was okay to trust him. But Killua was still too afraid to tell him everything. He wouldn't look at him with that same reassurance if he did.

“What happened while I was gone?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head. His eyes brimming with a familiar wetness from this morning. 

“I can't say…. You'll hate me.” 

“I could never hate you. I promise.” Gon assured. Wrapping his arm around him in a side hug. Remembering what you said about promises and taking it with stride.

“You mean it? You won't leave if I tell you?” Because if you left today and Gon followed, he'd have nothing. All because he'd blamed you for everything.

“I swear.”

He took a deep breath before finally explaining everything.

“...Me and Y/n got into a fight this morning. And-and I told them I never wanted to see them again.” But he'd said a little more than that. Worse than that. 

‘I hate you.’

“I didn't mean it. But just look at them. They look so happy. Like it's a relief to never see us again.” You were happier without them. 

“I messed up….And I don't think I can fix it this time.” He admitted. Leaning into Gon and finally crying. Letting go of everything he'd kept bottled up today. 

“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say when this is the happiest I've ever seen them?” 

“You say you're sorry.” Gon said, as if it was a matter of fact.

“What?”

“You apologize to Y/n. I won't argue that they seem happy, but something about it feels forced. Like they're pretending. So maybe they feel just as upset as you do. Maybe you’ve been too lost in your thoughts to not notice it. But nothing will get better unless you two talk about it. You know that right?”

No, he was wrong about that. Things would get better for Gon if he apologized. But for Killua, he'd already made his bed. When the month was over, he'd be gone. Bisky’s words reminding him that he was only burdening Gon by staying. And that was why he was in this mess now. Blaming you for that. He'd made it your fault. 

“It won't fix anything.” He said at last. He couldn't take back anything he'd said. He couldn't possibly make you love him again with everything he said and accused you of.

But Gon's persistence would win in the end. And although he didn't know it yet, it would be something Killua was eternally grateful for.

“Just try. For me, try.” When it came to Gon, he'd do just about anything.

“Okay. I'll try.”

—------------

How long had it been already? Maybe four hours. Were dates usually supposed to be this long? Were you supposed to be out the entire day? You didn't know, or rather you didn't care to ask.

If your date lasted a little longer, then that wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, you were more drained than usual. Using so much energy to look your absolute best. Expending yourself beyond the usual limit despite your tired mind’s protest. 

But so far, nobody except you knew the depths of your physical strain. You were always good at hiding how you really felt. Being taught emotions were a weakness from your former clan. Pitty, fear, burnout, and the like. All of it wasn't needed, with the exception of your determination to persevere.

You were currently at a restaurant with Palm. Nodding along enthusiastically as she told a story about her and Knov -her mentor. You could see her aura swell with unwavering affection when she spoke about him. There was respect there, yes, but it was mostly love. Infatuation probably fit a little better. 

And it had you thinking about why she was on a date with you when she seemed to love him so much. Then again, she talked about him like he was a light who shouldn't be dimmed by someone like her. Like he was too perfect to even approach. 

Maybe it humanized her a little bit. Letting you see her as a person with feelings rather than an unstable psycho. Because, despite your differences, you could understand her sentiment. Her reasoning with Knov. 

And why, you may ask?

Because it felt similar to yours with Kite. It wasn't quite the same, but it didn't have to be to relate to each other. You both felt the object of your affections couldn't possibly have feelings for people like you. It had led you to a realization though.

Fear of rejection didn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You two should be here with completely different people. You shouldn't have to go on a date to feel wanted by somebody else. To seek validation from others. Although you'd been forced on this date, but that's besides the point. 

You knew how you felt and she knew how she felt.

You two weren't right for each other. So you asked-

“If Knov gave you a chance, would you take it?” 

You could feel her shock. Then her confusion. Then her embarrassment.

“I…I think I would. But he'd never, and anyways, I'm here with you. Let's just focus on each other for now, okay?” 

You could tell she was trying to be nice. It let you know she at least cared on some level about your (non-existent) feelings. You didn't mind all that much. And it gave you an out of she tried to ask for a second date.

Oh right.

There'd be no second date anyways.

Which reminded you- the boys had been following you all day. You could never mistake their auras, no matter how faint they made them. They were seated three tables behind you. Holding up their menus every time you turned around so you wouldn't see them. Something that normally would have a real smile tugging on your lips. 

But they didn't want you anymore.

They didn't need you anymore.

Why they couldn't just make this easier and leave you alone, you didn't know. Perhaps they wanted to make sure you actually went through with it. Or perhaps Gon wanted to make sure you were safe and Killua followed him. You still had no idea if he knew what happened or not. You had to remind yourself again that it was none of your business anymore.

So you continued on like nothing was happening. Giving Palm your full attention and then some. Anything to avoid the weight of your situation a little longer.

—------------------

A laugh. Then a compliment. And finally a smile. The way you were speaking with so much energy. It wasn't you. Gon was right, you felt off. Then again, all of it could've been genuine.

It looked like a weight was lifted from your shoulders from Killua's perspective. You were happy you were leaving. Unfazed from the argument. 

And it hurt. 

It hurt to see you were doing better than ever without them. The circles around your eyes ten times lighter. He'd never known you to be so talkative. So in your element around others.

Had they ruined your life by persuading you to stay? You were never like this with them. Had you always been this well off without the duo?

So full of life?

Would you even want an apology? Or would you say ‘Thank you, I can finally move on with my life!’ Treat the argument like a blessing in disguise? 

He just might break if that was the case. 

—--------------------------------

You'd been everywhere. A caffe, a park, an ice cream parlor. Practically going sightseeing in this city. Currently, you and Palm were walking through an aquarium. It was probably the first activity that completely wiped off your wide grin. Replacing your indifference with awe. 

You'd heard about these things from one of your older peers. The way they described it didn't do justice to what you were seeing now. You'd always wanted to go, but between looking over your shoulder and being completely broke, you never had the opportunity. 

Your eyes trailed after a sea turtle. Watching it zoom by and upwards. A small school of minnows following suit. You don't know when it happened, but your eyes had focused solely on the pane of glass that separated you from the marine life. 

You were used to seeing everybody's emotions. To sensing their intensity. From searing anger to the brightest joy. But you'd never seen anything like this. Pure content from every creature swimming by. A wave of calm undisturbed by fear or malice. 

You focused on people because you had to. You needed to know their intentions for your safety. You never bothered with animals. You weren't scared of them and they weren't dangerous unlike your own kin. You just never saw the purpose in doing it.

But now you did. It was a treat for your eyes and a blessing to your overworked senses. You don't remember the last time you felt this peaceful. If you were to be killed right now, you wouldn't have any complaints or regrets. You'd die in this blissful state without worries.

You barely registered the feeling of Palm resting her head on your shoulder. 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She whispered.

And all of a sudden, you weren't pretending anymore. 

“Yeah. This is always what I imagined I'd get to see with my eyes. The best in what the world has to offer. The beauty of life as a whole…But it's not all like this.”

Maybe if it was, you'd have lived a better life. You would've had a family filled with love and support. Kari would still be here with you.

“What do you mean?” Palm asked. 

Despite the bittersweet feeling in your chest, the wide smile on your face became more genuine. Softer.

“Humor me for a bit,” you responded before making goggles with your hands. Summoning your nen into them to create your spyglass.

“This is how I see the world.”

You placed your hands over her eyes and watched as the shock settled in. She took in every detail with wonder. The complete serenity radiating off of each creature. 

“You really see like this?”

“Most of the time. Some days I get overwhelmed and shut off my nen.” You explained before pulling your hands back, realizing you were a lot closer than you initially thought.

A bright hue overtaking her face, to which you responded by clearing your throat.

“We've still got a bunch of exhibits to visit. C'mon, after this I have a surprise for you. We won't get a chance to see it if we're late.” 

You offered her your hand once again. And to your surprise, she took it without hesitation.

—---------------

It was nearing the end of the day by the time you reached your destination. The sun barely beginning its descent as the two of you sat in a small clearing by the edge of a lake. To your shock, the boys were still following you. You figured they would have left you alone by now. So you decided, for the sake of your sanity, to completely dim your senses until you couldn't feel them anymore. 

You'd be vulnerable, but you supposed it didn't matter now that your day was drawing to a close. Whatever happened now, you'd be okay with. Come what may, you had no regrets. Or did you.

“Is there a specific reason you brought me here, or did you want to watch the sunset together?” Palm asked, her tone slightly teasing. 

You returned it with another wide smile. Trying your best not to show the strain that came with it.

“Well you see, I wanted to be a hunter once.” The words were almost painful on your tongue. Something you hadn't said out loud since you were seven.

“I knew an old man who was probably the closest I got to having a father. He was a real stinker though. A grouchy old codger. Buuuut he told me that fire flies were one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. Do you know why?”

She shook her head no.

Funny how you could ramble on now that your life has lost meaning. 

“For starters, they're bioluminescent. And I don't know about you, but any creature that can produce it's own light is cool in my book. Second, is the reason why they glow. Do you know that one?”

Again she shook her head. And before you had time to be embarrassed about what you were going to say, you went for it.

“They glow to attract mates.”

The sun had set perfectly over the horizon as if right on cue. Not even a second later had little specks of light descended down. Circling around the tall oak tree that was centered on the lake before a few made their way over. 

“I guess you could say love is in the air.” Ew, since when did you become all cheesy? 

You stood up, offering her your hand and pulling Palm to her feet. 

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

—---------------------

“How much farther are they gonna go?” Killua complained. 

The two of them had been following you all day and still your date wasn't over. From that small diner, to the aquarium, and now a forest. At this rate, he wouldn't get a chance to try and make things right until sundown. You and Palm couldn't possibly have that much to talk about. Nothing that should've kept you away the entire day.

“I don't know…But maybe it's time we stop following them around?” Gon suggested. 

And once again Killua was grasping for straws.

“I…Not yet. The day's not over yet. Anything could happen. And don't you think it's strange Y/n hasn't sensed us yet?” It was probably his most valid point of the day.

It didn't make it any less true though. If you hadn't noticed them following you, then there was a lot more you wouldn't notice. Or worse, what if you'd shut off your nen? You'd be completely open to an attack.

“Maybe they did and just let us tag along? When have you ever known Y/n to let their guard down?” Gon countered.

He knew how much making up to you meant to Killua. He knew how badly he wanted to reconcile with you. But maybe it was best to wait for you to come back later, instead of chasing you around. You could take care of yourself perfectly fine, and deep down Killua knew that. Gon knew that he knew that. Which is why he couldn't let him keep making excuses to stay. 

You two would get a chance to talk, of that he was sure. 

“I don't know. But I just don't feel right leaving them.” The small assassin said at last. 

“Look,” Gon directed towards the clearing you and Palm were in. The two of you sitting down and talking.

“They'll be okay.”

It was then that the weight of the situation hit him. 

What was he doing? Following you around like a little kid. You deserved your privacy. He'd already ruined your piece of mind.

'Stay away from both of us. You'd only continue to be a burden.'

It was funny in a way. He'd called you a burden, yet here he was like some sorta stalker, waiting for the opportunity to approach you. Bringing Gon along because he just couldn't leave you alone. Unable to tell him the truth about what happened. Why saying sorry wouldn't fix everything.

So focused on staying in both of your lives that he somehow managed to push the both of you out.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“You're right. Let's leave them be. I'll get a chance to talk to them later.” He gave a tired smile that mimicked yours. 

It was then Gon pulled him into a real hug. Giving his back a small pat.

“It'll be okay. For now, let's go home.”

Home.

Except it wouldn't feel like one without you there. 

The two of them started their trek back. Much slower and a little more tired than when they'd been following you. The sun just barely setting before Killua sensed it.

The unmistakable sensation of bloodlust. Which meant… A chimera ant was near. Maybe it had already passed through? Then again, the feeling was only growing stronger. 

Damn.

Should they warn you?

No.

Palm would go berserk if they interrupted her date.

Damnit.

“Killua? Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

That's right. Gon wasn't able to sense the ant whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to fight either. Not without risking his life, and Killua promised himself that he would protect Gon no matter what.

“There's a Chimera Ant nearby. Damnit, and I can't let you wander off without knowing where it is.”

“I can defend myself. All the ants that came before weren't a problem. This one shouldn't be either.” Gon protested. 

But Killua just couldn't risk it. So much had already gone wrong.

“Just let me protect you.” His fist clenching self-consciously.

“Let me do one thing right today.” 

And for the first time in awhile, there was a strong resolve in his eyes. Burning with determination.

“Okay, but I won't run away. No matter what, we stick together.” Gon relented.

Killua gave a nod. Just in time for a figure to emerge from the underbrush. One they'd seen before, to their surprise.

It was the rabbit ant. The very same whose arm you'd broken back at the NGL. The one you'd shattered to protect Gon. And was that- Damn! A murky aura surrounded it. One that was practiced.

It had managed to learn nen.

“I thought I smelled humans,” It sneered.

The duo quickly took a stance, preparing for the ant to lunge. Instead, it only continued to taunt them.

“I remember you. That's right. You're those brats from before. It looks like your luck’s run out. Especially without that other human here to save you.”

Seems it also remembered you. Not good. 

“You two are about to get a taste of hell you're never gonna forget.” It continued with a smirk. Pointing at the two of them.

“Of course, it won't last forever you know?”

Killua could feel Gon tensing from besides him. If he lost his cool now, they'd be in serious trouble. There was no telling what that thing’s ability was. They both had to be careful. Size the enemy up before making any rash decisions.

‘Run. If you don't know what the enemy is capable of, keep your distance.’

“Where is that other friend of yours?” Rammot looked around before staring them down with a malicious grin.

“Once you tell me their location, I promise I'll make it quick. It can't be that far. They are your protector, aren't they?” 

Gon took a step forward, and Killua had to fight himself not to take one backwards.

“I'll just walk around making lots of noise and swinging your severed heads. And it won't be long before they come to find me. That's how humans are. Am I right?”

Wrong. You wouldn't come for them. Not anymore. 

But those words were Gon's breaking point.

“You won't lay a finger on them.”

Killua had never seen him this aggressive. He was sure without a doubt Gon would have given his life right then and there to keep you safe. After what happened with Kite, it made sense he'd be more protective of you. More pressured to make sure the same never happened with you.

But this was not the way to do it. And whereas Killua was flawed with overanalyzing combat, Gon was flawed with being too impulsive. Letting his emotions get the better of him. So the small assassin quickly extended his arm in front before he could make a move.

“Don't. Trust me on this, you don't stand a chance right now. Not without your nen.” He warned.

And before Gon could respond, the ant made a dash forward.

“Let's just test that theory, shall we!” 

—-------------------

You stood hand in hand with Palm. Guiding her to the edge of the lake. One foot on the surface of the water without disturbing it. And much to her shock, you didn't sink into the water. Then you took another step back, urging her forward.

“What are you-” She started. 

“Trust me. I won't let you fall.” You assured.

Walking on water. Quite the trick if you do say so yourself. You'd used your nen to form a small circle under you. Almost like a little shield to keep you afloat. And as long as Palm stayed in that same radius, she'd be fine. 

She gave you a hesitant look, inching towards you but not ready to take the full leap. You offered up another reassuring smile. Lightly brushing your thumbs over the back of her hands. A gesture that had her blushing.

“You promise you won't drop me?” She asked.

“Only a fool would drop a girl like you.” You responded with a teasing grin.

With that, she took her first step onto the lake. Staring back up in awe at you. Grabbing your forearm as you lead her deeper into the center. A flurry of fireflies surrounding you both.

You took that as a cue to use the rest of your nen. Conjuring up little instruments back on the shore. Two marionettes, one a jester and one a ballerina, began to play. A somber jazz melody filled the air causing Palm to look around.

“I thought some slow dancing would be a nice way to end the day.” You redirected. Guiding her arms to your shoulders as you placed yours on her waist. Swaying her softly to the music while she continued to look up at you flustered. 

“This is…I've never experienced something so special before.” Palm said at last.

You could feel affection swell in her aura, and you really didn't know how to take it. You were flattered but…Nevermind. You just had to finish the day. Get through this part and make it memorable. And then, you'd get the quiet you desperately craved.

The music had swelled to a part you remembered. It had been an oldie. But regardless, it remained something from the better part of your childhood. One of Kari’s favorites too.

“Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me.”

So you treated it like one of your favorites too. Leading while you danced. Every turn, every spin, every dip was precise in a way that felt effortless. The sun vanishing beyond the horizon and soon replaced by stars. The fireflies illuminated the lake, creating something that mimicked a fairytale. 

Beautiful and serene.

You wished you could've done more today. Enjoyed yourself more. God knows these would be the last memories you'd be creating. But you just weren't that person anymore. You'd changed. You would have liked to say for the better, but you were a fuck up everytime. Amounting to nothing no matter the outcome. You shouldn't have wasted the energy trying to keep up, but it's not like you needed it anymore.

You and Palm made your way back to the shore. All of your nen returning to you in a rush. Though you couldn't say you felt any better with it. 

Your day was over.

“Thank you for everything,” Palm started.

And so too was the pathetic life you lived.

“I really enjoyed myself.” She looked up at you with rosy cheeks.

“Me too.” You expected it to end there. Preparing to leave when what she did next caught you off guard.

Palm had leaned forward with her lips slightly puckered. Your reaction was slow, but just before she reached you, you'd leaned back. Placing your hands on her shoulders to keep her at a distance. Your face scorching hot as your mind raced a thousand miles a second.

She wanted to kiss you. And maybe you should have let her. It would have made the night all the more magical, right? But this wasn't just any kiss. It would have been your first. And you wanted your first kiss to be with….

An image of a certain silver haired hunter flashed in your mind. 

Your heart already belonged to someone else. Someone you weren't even sure was okay. Who you still had no idea about what happened to him. But you didn't mind. You'd wait forever if it meant there was a chance to see him again. Or you would have if your circumstances were different. 

All you could do now was hope he'd turn out okay. Continue living his life to the fullest. 

“I'm sorry. I'd really like to return your feelings, but I just can't. I…” I'm in love with a man who's probably dead. It didn't feel right to bring that up. Because saying it, meant you had to admit it to yourself. And you were the furthest thing ready from that.

“What? Why not?” You could feel her bloodlust start to spike. The feeling mixing with red hot anger.

So you brought up the only thing that could possibly get you off the hook.

“We're not right for each other, and you know that. You love someone else…and so do I. And that's okay. We had fun. We got to enjoy each other's company today. And that's okay, too. But just because today was great, that doesn't mean we're meant to be together.” Your words were cooing. Like you were explaining something to the boys.

Palm only stared at you in dead silence. Her anger retreating back.

“You told me about Knov earlier. It's clear he holds a very special place in your heart. Believe it or not, you hold one in his too. You're his only pupil. He practically lets you follow him around everywhere. And if he's willing to put up with you at your worst, that says something. Believe me, I would know a thing or two about that.” 

Because Kite had done the same. From your temper to your breakdown, he'd stayed. Maybe he liked you back after all.

“Don't force yourself to be satisfied with somebody else, when you could be happy with him.” 

You could feel her bloodlust simmer down until it fizzled out completely.

“...Do you really think…he likes me?” Her voice was shy, but it still had an edge to it. If you said something wrong, she'd snap.

And then it'd be back to square one.

“Yeah. Watch. He's gonna be happy to see you're okay. Now…Do you want me to walk you to your place?”

For the last time that night, you extended your hand. And for the last time, she took it. Her grip more assured and less timid.

—------------------

It was like Killua was stuck in time. Seeing the Chimera Ant get closer and closer with its fist raised. Its sights set on him. He willed his body to move. To dodge. Anything. But he stood paralyzed, preparing for the pain of a fist making contact with his stomach.

But it never came.

Gon had shoved him out of the way with a cry. Both of them toppling over each other and skidding a few feet. 

‘Run.’ 

Killua froze once again at the sound of his brother's voice. He could see that Gon was talking, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear the concern. ‘Killua, are you okay? You have to get up. He's coming back! Move!’

He felt his body get shoved once more, except this time, Gon hadn't moved with him. Rammot lifting up his hand and slapping him without any restraint. Its bloodlust aiding in keeping him down. Gon was unable to defend against it with his own aura.

He was completely defenseless.

And yet…He was still giving it his all.

Killua could only watch in horror as he was tossed to the side. The boy in green trying his best to get up before Rammot kicked his stomach, once again sending him flying before his back made harsh contact with a tree. 

“GON!”

The ant turned around with a sadistic grin. Almost giddy at the small assassin's destress. Blue eyes wide with an oh so delicious fear.

“Perfect! That's more like it! That terrified expression! I love that one! Now I really feel like killing you! Haha!” It laughed out before lunging once again.

‘Run’

No he couldn't just leave Gon. He had to stay. He had to keep him safe. He had to keep both of you s-

Rammot plunged its fist into his ribcage. The force sending him back. If he hadn't been guarding with nen, his ribs would've been completely shattered. But he still couldn't find it in himself to get up. His entire being shaking with uncertainty.

‘Avoid battles you can't be sure you'll win.’

But he had to win. He had to.

“I'm going to crush you two into a bloody pulp.” Rammot threatened. His feet blurring at the corner of Killua's vision. One lifting up and preparing to smash his skull in.

Yet his fight with Gon wasn't over. The boy in green forcing himself up and giving the hardest kick he could to the back of Rammot's head. Following it up with a barrage of punches.

But thanks to the ant’s body armor and newly found nen, it hardly felt the impact. Instead turning around with a wide grin.

“Back for more?” It taunted, wasting no time punching Gon in the stomach once again. Watching as he coughed up blood before inevitably collapsing. Unable to fight through the pain any longer. 

The ant picked up his head from the ground. Staring joyfully into Gon's disgusted expression.

“What was it you said? I won’t be laying a finger on that human? How about I break all your limbs and make you watch as I devour their flesh. I’ll even save the head for last so you can say your goodbyes before I kill you next. Or better yet, give them to Pitou to add to their collection like that other human.”

Through his blurry gaze, through the immense pain, through every ache in his body, Gon willed himself to speak.

“How dare you. Touch them… and I’ll make you suffer.”

A threat you’d used many times. But somehow it felt heavier coming from him. A promise with the intent to follow through. Here Gon was, giving his all to protect you in every sense of the way. Here he was defending Killua even though he was vulnerable. 

A sun with light so bright, its warmth could reach anyone. 

A sun, being dimmed by someone like him. 

A moon who only thrived off of the light from the sun.

“Stop! You can do whatever you want to me, just let him go!” Killua pleaded. 

He wished you were here to protect them. But it was his fault you were gone in the first place.

Rammot let go of Gon's head. His body hitting the ground with a ‘thud.’ The ant turned to face him with a tilt of its head.

“Is that so? In that case, you'll be the first to die!”

Damnit.

God damnit.

‘When your enemy is unknown…' Illumi’s voice came again.

‘Run away.’

Hit after hit, he couldn't move. Getting kicked around the grass like a toy. Rolling to a stop before getting kicked once more. It hurt, but he had to endure it. He couldn't just leave Gon. He couldn't run away like a coward. 

‘Run.’

But every time he disregarded his brother’s warning, a searing pain coursed through his head. A stinging, throbbing pain. As if being stabbed directly in his brain. It was torturous. It felt neverending and he just couldn't escape from the agony.

But then he heard it.

Your voice. Your morals. Your encouragement. Your warmth.

‘You don't leave your friends to die if you can save them.’

The stinging sensation seemed to dull.

‘As long as you two are okay…Don't mind dying.’

It gave him clarity. 

You almost died to keep them safe. It was only right they returned the favor. Gon had already done what he could, so now it was Killua's turn to do what he couldn't.

The realization coming just as Rammot slammed its foot directly on Killua's spine. Again and again with a laugh.

“Now move! You can't, can you? Ha! Since you're frozen with fear!”

It gave a few more stomps before kicking him away again. 

“Damn. This feels incredible. Should I kill him or the other one first? Maybe savor both. I can't decide!” The ant rambled to itself.

“Damnit! I can't get enough!”

Killua got up on shaky elbows. Pushing himself up. He'd already made up his mind.

‘Run. Hurry.’

No. Not this time.

He could feel himself crying. Seems it was all he was capable of doing today. Blubbering like a baby because nothing had gone his way. He'd been such a screw up.

‘Gon…

Y/n…

I will protect you…because…’

“Because we're friends.” He was nearing hysterics. Standing up as he clutched his head in pain. A broken sob leaving him before he shouted everything out.

“Do you hear me, Gon? You're my best friend! And Y/n? You're my big sibling! And I'm sorry for all the awful things I said this morning!” 

It hurt. 

It hurt so bad.

His head. His heart. Everything. But Rammot only watched his breakdown stunned. Killua's destroyed expression sparking something cruel inside it.

“Stop that right now. Don't look at me like that. I can't hold it anymore. I'm gonna…Do it. I've gotta…”

The two enemies unable to hear the other through their own thoughts.

‘Run.’

Killua was fighting with his brother's voice. Through every wave of pain, he persisted.

‘Run.’

‘You can't tell me what-!’

‘Run, run, run.’

‘SHUT UP!’

“I don't ever want to lose them!” All he could see was the two most important people in his life. What he would be losing if he gave in.

‘Run.’

“They're my…”

‘Run.’

‘Goblins! The both of you!’

‘Looks like we really made them mad this time, Killua.’

‘Run.’

‘I thought you said you weren't our parent?'

'I'm not. It's called being a responsible adult. Now go and do one of those first things while I set up the bed. I know for a fact there's a 99% chance you'll throw down with the fitted sheet if you do it.'

'Come on, let's do what they ask before they decide to throw another pillow at you. And I don't think they'll miss this time.'

“They're my…”

His nails were scratching at his forehead. Completely unaware of Rammot's incoming attack.

“THEY’RE MY FAMILY!!! THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!”

He plunged his fingers into his skull and tugged. Itching at the part of his brain that hurt the most. As he pulled something out, he could have sworn he heard your voice.

“Atta boy.”

In a speed that rivaled yours, he dodged Rammot’s attack last second. Appearing behind him with a needle in his hand. The Chimera Ant baffled by his disappearance.

Killua couldn't help but lose what little love he had for his big brother in that moment. Laughing at the absurdity of what he'd done because you…You were nothing like Illumi. And he was a brat for making that comparison before. For even thinking it. 

“He got me. Damn Illumi.” But despite the betrayal, he couldn't help but smile. If this was what was controlling him, what was stopping him from reaching his true potential…then now he was free. Free to fight besides his best friend, and free to stop letting his fear of being a burden get the best of him.

He turned around to face the ant. Explaining what happened even though he knew the ant could care less.

“Why the hell didn't I catch this before? He planted this deep inside my brain.”

“Huh? What're you saying? Are you nuts?” Now the ant was the one stood still. Unable to process that now, it was completely outclassed.

“How were you able to dodge that?”

But Killua ignored the question. Continuing to ramble on before releasing his ren. One that was cruel and dark. Not malicious, yet just as cutthroat.

“Now go and tell the other ants…If they even come near us, they're all gonna end up dead.” He warned.

Rammot seethed with anger at his words. A weak nothing was threatening him? How dare this human mock him. How dare it even think of doing so.

“WHY YOU!” The ant gave one last lunge forward.

“That so? Fine.” Killua was at his limit already. Drained in every sense of the word. So without much hesitation, he decapitated the ant in one go. Glaring at the thing that caused him so much trouble.

He didn't have any more sympathy to give. He was done with today. Crushing the ant's skull in his hand like nothing.

“Who cares?”

All he wanted to do was go back home and see you. Apologize for blaming you for everything. Take back what he said about you leaving. 

Then….

The three of you could go back to normal.

You'd be the big sibling, and they'd be the little brothers. 

He wasted no time making his way towards Gon. He was out cold. Killua turned him over, checking for any major injuries. When he found none, he tossed him over his shoulder and started making his way back. Gon was hurt, but it wasn't something he hadn't dealt with before. He'd be fine.

Both of them would be okay.

But not without talking to you first. He reached the spot where you and Palm had been sitting. You weren't there. He hoped with everything in him that you were back at the small home. That you hadn't left yet.

So he set his sights there.

—-------------------------

Somewhere along the way, Gon had woken up. His grip tightening slightly on Killua before he spoke.

“Killua? Did we-”

“I took care of it. We won't have to worry about seeing that guy again.” He responded. Already knowing what was on Gon's mind.

“And Y/n?”

“They weren't at the lake when I checked. But it's fine. I'll see them at home. You just rest. You're body needs it after what you just put it through.” It was meant to lighten the mood, but he didn't mean it any less. 

Gon had pushed his body too far. If he were anybody else, Killua would have been pissed. But he was just relieved he hadn't sustained any major injuries. That he didn't have to leave him after all.

“...Okay…You're my best friend too, you know…” Sleep evident in Gon’s tone.

The words stopping Killua in his tracks. His expression shocked because - Gon had heard everything. He knew how important he was to Killua. 

“What!?!?” But Gon was already snoring softly in his ears.

“Hey! You can't just pass out on me after saying stuff like that!” 

He got no further response for the boy in green. So, with his cheeks red and a few grumbles, he continued on his way. How absolutely embarrassing. Yet it felt elating at the same time to know he was also important to Gon. 

All that was missing was you.

—---------------------

The lights were off. Which meant…You hadn't come back yet. Or maybe you'd already left. A feeling of dread washed over him. Was he too late? He'd never be able to forgive himself if he was.

The door was still locked too. And as he walked inside, it felt empty. He placed Gon down on the couch before making his way over to your room. He gave a few knocks, but there was no response. In a last ditch effort he opened the door.

Your room was neater than how Palm left it. Your bed was also made eerily to perfection. No sign of you recently coming in. You weren't here. And it was already midnight. He was about to leave when something caught his eye. 

Kite's hat was still on your nightstand. 

You wouldn't have left it behind. It was too important to you. Then again, you were leaving them behind…But Kite was different. He'd always been different to you. Try as Killua might, he couldn't help but feel a spark of hope that you weren't gone yet. There was still a chance.

He exited your room just in time for the lights to come on. Standing still anxiously as you finished locking the door, unawares to his presence. All your energy from before seemed to be gone. You finally looked like yourself. But it all went away the second he called out to you.

“Y/n.”

You visibly tensed. A brief flash of shock before your expression went completely blank. You weren't expecting to see the boys. You thought they'd be asleep by now, or at the very least out of the house. You weren't ready for another confirmation. More screaming and arguing. You should've been gone already. It was clear your presence did more harm than good.

‘I hate you.’

‘You're a burden.’

‘If you cared you wouldn’t have abandoned us!’

“I just came to get a few things. If you'll excuse me…” You did your best to keep your tone steady. Not to let anything show. But still his words rung heavy in your head. 

You wouldn't be dragging this out with a goodbye. You were only inconveniencing them the longer you stayed. Yet as you tried to push past Killua, he panicked.

“No!” he blurted out. Taking a few steps forward before he realized what he was doing. How this was already not going as planned.

“I uh…Can we please talk?” His tone was much softer than you were used to.

It had you eyeing him suspiciously. And now that you were actually seeing him, he was injured. Bruising accompanied by swelling. A queazy feeling settling in your stomach as you spotted red in the center of his forehead. The last thing you wanted was to appear weak at a time like this. So you turned your head away from him. An action that felt undeniably cruel.

But this is what he wanted, right? For you to stay out of his life. It was only common sense you should act like you already were. 

 “I have nothing to say to you.” 

If you'd been looking, you would have seen the exact moment his heart broke. You didn't sound angry. You didn't say it to be petty. From his perspective, it felt like you really were done with him. You'd already moved on.

And he just couldn't accept that. 

“What!?! Y/n please.” 

Killua had never felt this pitiful in his entire life. So small. He never expected to be treated like a complete stranger from you. You were his big sibling. But it seemed like all the warmth from you had gone and faded away.

Why was he staring at you like that? Like your indifference was hurting him. Why was his aura flooded with regret and sorrow? Was he second guessing himself after all? Or was this a test? A trick? A way to lure you back in, only to spit in your face once again.

Tell you something sweet to then accuse you of not being enough again.

That was it right?

He'd blame you for his injuries next.

No.

They were the ones who followed you.

It wasn't your fault.

So why were you blaming yourself? If you'd been there, would the results have been different?

‘You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep.’

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.’

No. No it wouldn't have. There were just some people who you'd never be able to make happy. No matter what you did. And unfortunately, it was always the people you cared the most about. Your body once again shutting down at the thought.

“... I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. Can't you just write it in a note or something?” You didn't mean for it to be that harsh, but it was the only way to get your message across.

You were done.

And the longer you were pestered about it, the sooner you'd snap.

What was this? Why were you acting like this? Cruel. Detached. You'd wanted to fix things earlier, right? So what happened? What the hell happened? How far had he gone for you to treat him like this? 

He didn't mean it. Any of it. And he needed you to know that. He took a few more steps forward, tears once again brimming his eyes. How many times had he cried today?

How many times had been because of you?

“Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.” He'd said it. Gon said all he had to do was apologize. And if that still wasn't enough, then he'd do whatever it took for you to forgive him. 

But your response was the last thing he was expecting.

“... Okay…”

One word.

One single word that was meant to brush him off. 

And he couldn't help but become desperate for something more. A response that wasn't empty. That wasn't cold.

“Okay? Okay!?! What's wrong with you!?!? Don't you care!?! All you have to say to me is ‘okay’!?!” 

And the damm had finally broke.

“Tell me you hate me! That you never want to see me again!!! Just say something more than okay!” 

You'd opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to figure out something to say. You didn't want to argue anymore. You were tired of it. Tired of today completely.

“You're gonna wake him up if you keep screaming.” You gestured towards Gon.

An action so baffling, it made his jaw drop. This was it. You were officially done. But he wasn't ready to let you go. He couldn't stand knowing they mattered so little to you. He couldn't stand you not knowing how much you meant to the both of them.

“Like I said. I need to grab a few-” But before you could get the words out, Killua had rushed over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your middle sobbing.

“I'm sorry, don't leave! Please!”

Hug him back, please. He needed you to hug him back. To say things would be okay. He needed you to stay.

You placed your hand on his head. And for a second, he thought the situation would end there. That you wouldn't leave after all. It had him believing everything would be okay. That you'd ruffle his hair and make him promise not to say anything like that again. But instead, that brief moment of contact was used to push him away from you.

Making him stumble back in shock.

As if you were swatting away a pest. Like he was inconveniencing you by holding on. And that was what broke him completely. 

You were done with them.

You didn't have to say it for him to know…You hated him. 

He could take a lot of things. He'd endured the worst kinds of torture for years from his family. He'd been forced to see carnage at such a young age. He'd always been treated like some kind of trophy instead of a person. And he never once complained. He never once argued with what was forced upon him.

But this...This he couldn't take.

You pushing him aside to enter your room. Like you were dead set on being out of his life. So once again, he wasted no time clinging onto you. Feet almost dragging on the floor as you tried to move forward. Burying his face against your side.

“I don't care if you hate me! If you don't want me anymore! Don't leave! Don't just leave us here by ourselves!”

You'd placed your hand on his head once more. You were gonna push him away again. And the fear pushed him to speak from the depths of his soul. A plea for you to stop.

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear!?!? I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you gone! Don't-Don’t give up because I was being stupid!” 

Your movements stopped. Listening to Killua's cries in silence. Taking in everything. This was also a song and dance you'd done before. Love that was given, then taken for no other reason than because you'd messed up. 

Love you?

It was enough to break you too. An ugly feeling clutching at your heart. One that was tired of the constant push and pull between love and hate. Killua unable to know he'd resurfaced a trauma so deep and scarred from your childhood. 

‘You are very important, little one. So very gifted, and you never fail to make me proud.’

‘Taking the fall again? You know better than to lie to me.’ A slap to your face. Then another one.

‘My pride and joy. You're a one of a kind prodigy.’

‘Disgraceful what you've done. Forsaking the name given to you just to act foolish? Tainting the clan that graciously welcomed you with open arms. Your punishment is total isolation for a week. Now get out of my sight.’

“Stop talking. I know what you're doing. I'm not an idiot.” Your tone accusing. And before Killua could explain anything, you'd shoved him off of you once more. Now glaring with a look that could only be described as hate.

“What? Did something else go wrong that you want me to fix? Well I'm done being the fixer. I'm done with your problems always being my fault. You only want me here to have someone to blame, right?” 

You pointed directly at him. Shaking your head before you clasped it tightly in your hands. A cruel grin on your face while he saw you cry for the very first time.

“I didn't do anything wrong! I'm not perfect, but I'm not the cause of all your problems!” You hadn't been here today. It couldn't have possibly been your fault this time.

But maybe somehow it had.

“I didn't make things worse intentionally!”

It was then that Killua realized what was happening. He thought he had it bad but…you had it worse. His heart ached for you while you continued to break right in front of him.

“I told you-I told you I can't always get things right! But of course I'm older! It's always my fault! I'm the strongest! So everything falls on me when someone gets hurt!” You let out a laugh. One that sounded defeated.

Your eyes met his and you gestured to yourself frantically.

“Haven't I done enough for you!?!?” Your voice seeming to bounce off the walls. The space falling into silence.

They'd put too much on your shoulders. Or maybe the weight had already been there. Carried over from what you'd experienced previously. Now it was Killua's turn to try and comfort you. His turn to lift your burdens. But he didn't get the chance to.

“Why-Why am I never good enough?” It was a whisper at this point.

You weren't good enough for Reik.

You weren't good enough for Kari.

You weren't good enough for Kite.

You weren't good enough for Gon and Killua.

You will never be good enough.

“You are enough.” Killua's voice snapping you from your spiral. The very same words you didn't get a chance to say this morning.

But somehow you just couldn't believe them yet. Then you'd heard it. Her.

'I love you, you're here with me. You're safe with me. Let me protect you for now. Just until you get your strength back.'

He was trying, wasn't he? 

“Then why? Why don't I feel like it?” 

The small assassin was at a loss of words. Who did this to you? Who had ruined you so completely that you couldn't put yourself back together. He took a step towards you, but you'd put your hand up to stop him.

“You know what? I don't care anymore. Say whatever you want, I'm done.” You wiped your eyes and instead of going towards your room, you started towards the front door.

Killua had to try one more time. Now that he knew what you really thought of yourself. So he grabbed your wrist this time. Funny how now the roles were reversed this time. 

“Don't leave.” 

You tried to pull your arm away.

“We can't do this without you. We've only gotten this far because of you. You're- You're-”

It was hard to put into words just how much you'd changed their lives. How important you were. But he needed to. Especially now that you had stopped trying to pull yourself away.

“All my family has ever done is use me. They have this image in their head of what I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to become. But you've never done that. When I'm with you and Gon, it's like I can finally be someone I'm proud of. I've never had someone care about me like you. But maybe I've taken advantage of that. Maybe I've been doing to you what my family has been doing to me. Expecting you to fit this image of what I think is a perfect big sibling.

But you're not perfect. And neither am I. And that's okay. I don't want you to be perfect because then you're not you. You're not the one who calls us goblins or chases us around when you're upset. You're a stranger. I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning, and I regretted it ever since. I do want you in my life. Both of us want you to stay. Please…” 

You'd collapsed on your knees crying. And he wasted no time kneeling besides you. Pulling you into a hug. 

“I really can't keep doing this. It's unfair when I leave, and I know that. But do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I'm not safe. I can't risk anything happening to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it happened again.” Losing another kid, it would kill you.

“But when you tell me you need me, then say you want nothing to do with me…it's cruel. It's-its-!” It's just like Father.

“You don't know, you can't possibly have known, but I've always been measured by my worth. What I'm capable of doing just for a moment of normalcy. Of being wanted. It's not your fault.. but I can't keep doing this.” 

You can't keep losing your purpose in life.

Being praised for completing missions. Then being hit for failing. Being told you were burdening your clan for making a mistake. Being isolated in the dark for messing up. Only for him to pretend like it never happened.

The constant push and pull of love and hate. Of being praised and belittled.

You couldn't do it again.

But kids tended to be unsure about their own feelings. You couldn't put it on them for saying things when they were upset. But goddamit, what about when you were upset. Who was there to be understanding for you when things went wrong?

Nobody.

You were just supposed to take it.

Endure it.

Killua hugged you a little tighter. 

“I didn't mean it.” He reaffirmed.

Your tears finally slowing down.

“We're your little brothers. And we love you. I love you. But I'd just like to know why you keep leaving. And if you're not ready to talk about that yet, it's fine. We'll both always be here if you need us. You don't have to bottle things up anymore.”

The same thing Kite had said to you when you lost control. 

And he'd meant it just as much.

Not a single trace of deceit in his aura. 

So you allowed yourself to believe it one last time. Knowing you wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't true again.

You at last returned the hug. Engulfing the small assassin in your arms.

“You can't ever say those things again to me, okay?” Your voice was smaller than it had ever been. Almost scared with the slight waiver to it.

“I promise. I'm not gonna make you deal with everything anymore. If something's wrong, we'll deal with it together.” And finally he heard it for real this time.

“Atta boy.”

It was almost enough to make him cry again. That was until the couch started rustling. A flash of green peaking over at the scene.

“So are you two good now?” Gon asked.

The both of you looking over in shock.

“Hey! You heard everything again!?!? How many times are you gonna pretend to be asleep!?! You know it's very rude to eavesdrop!!!!” Killua scolded. His face a bright red.

And before he could roughhouse with the other one, you let out a laugh. A real laugh. Your laugh. And you'd finally given your real smile.

“Get over here,” you encouraged.

Gon bolting from the couch and stumbling over into one side of your open arms. You gave both boys a squeeze.

“I love you both, my little sun and moon.”

Maybe….

Maybe you were just about ready to tell them everything.

----------------------------

Not so Fun Fact #15: Y/n is very squeamish with touch. Especially around their face, due to what they experienced as a child.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm

MASTERLIST

An: Let me know which line hit you in the feels the most. For future references 👀👀👀. And by reference I mean to make Gon's fight absolutely devastating. Or just the final stretch of the Chimera Ant Arc entirely.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader??? #big sib reader #older reader #found family #x reader #platonic #moon and sun insert

[bellafragolina]

YOU DID IT🎉🎉 Congrats for finishing all your request🎉🎉

Can I request for Ingo and Emmet who lives with their big sibling who basically raises them from childhood until the twins becomes a strong and famous subway bosses? How do you think their lives and struggle from childhood until now?

(Let's just say that their parents died when the twins are young and their big!sibling decides to abandon their gym challenge and raises the twins)

PS: Sorry if its weird, english is not my first language 🙏

i am weeping stories like this break my heart and mend it and break my heart and mend it i love it so much

🍓🍓🍓

Ingo and Emmet are not the easiest bunch to raise. You knew that before your parents passed, and you especially know it after. They don't quite understand what's happening, so young and unaware of the world, so you try your best to raise them. You refuse to lose anymore family, so you turn yourself into what your younger brothers need, instead of what you wanted to be

Your Pokémon, strong and capable, help you raise the twins as much as they helped you on your journey. Your battles with them are more casual, more for the twins' entertainment, since they love watching you battle. You work hard while living in the foster homes, finding ways to make cash outside of random battles, just so you can buy the boys treats and toys

The twins adore you. You're everything to them, their big siblings, their rock, the one person they can rely on one hundred percent. As they grow, they watch others go on gym challenges, and pester you about why you're not going on one too. It's the one lie you've told them, your disinterest in competitive battling, in gym challenges. You'd rather watch the twins battle than battle yourself

So Ingo and Emmet train hard. You take them Pokémon hunting, and they catch their starters, and they train so very hard. They go on their gym challenge together, hugging you so tightly before they reluctantly pull away, then face their future, determined to win and make you proud.

By the time you're eighteen, you find yourself a job, and find a home to move the boys into, while they're taking their challenge. It's not easy, and it's not a lot, but it's yours, and when the twins return rambling about the Battle Subway, you know you've got a long road ahead of you

By the time Ingo and Emmet get to college, riding scholarships to their engineering school, they've realized so many things about you. Older adults in their lives speak of you, your battle prowess, your dogged determination to win, and how it translated to raising your brothers after the death of your parents. The boys look at everything around them, the life you built for them at the cost of your own, and weep. How you love them, and how they love you

They work extra hard in school, extra hard at their Gear Station jobs, extra hard until they climb the ranks and become Subway Bosses. And they turn to you, their everything, and they give back. They shower you in gifts, they move you into a bigger apartment to share with them, and they beg you, please, let them return the gift you've given them. Go find your life, what you want to do, to be, while they handle things.

So long you've been their big sibling, their guardian, you're not as sure of what or who you want to be. But Ingo and Emmet are your boys, and they're as dogged and determined as you are, and they are willing to do whatever it takes to give you the same happiness in life, in their careers, in themselves, that you gave them. They hold your hands, tall and proud in tier uniforms, and announce to the world that you are coming, and to watch out

After all, you're the reason they're so great themselves

🍓🍓🍓

excuse me i gotta cry into my laundry now

have a good day!

~Renee

#ingo x reader #emmet x reader #pokemon x reader #pokemon imagines #submas x reader #big sib reader #i cry

[smallestapplin]

Hey can I request sabi and lian with older sibling reader where the reader gets sick and sabi and lian are there to take care them thanks

I love the two younger wardens they are so adorable 💖💖💖

I’m living for these.

-

-

News spreads fast that you had fallen ill. You caught a flu after over working yourself in the icelands.

You were to stay in the medical ward during this time, being from the sky Pesselle feared your immune system wouldn’t be strong enough to fit it off, she wanted to stay close and monitor you.

That doesn’t stop your little siblings from marching in, bags full of goods to help you and help pass the time.

“Hey.” Your voice was hoarse and sounded scratchy.

“Hey sib, we got you something to help.” Lian goes through the bag of his, moving something before he pulls out a plush teddiursa and lays it next to you.

“It always helps me feel better when I’m sick.” He nods happily.

Sabi goes through her own and lays a swinub plush on your other side.

“Snowy always comforts me, so he should comfort you too.” Sabi tucks the plush in under the covers with you.

“Thank you both.” You rasp out.

“I can go make you some hot tea if you need any.” Lian says but you shake your head.

“Go ask Laventon…he has tea.” The thought of these two around boiling water gave you a worse headache.

Lian runs off to do just that while Sabi stays with you.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really..”

“Have you eaten at all?”

“No.”

The youngest warden pouts “you have to eat something, being sick on an empty stomach is just gonna make it worse, I’ll ask Miss. Pesselle for some soup.”

Sabi wasn’t gone long before carefully walking back in with some warm soup. Setting it on the night stand next to you, she helps you sit up and moving the pillows under you so you can eat better.

“It’s warm so good for your sore throat, and food, a two for one.” She perks up when you give a silent chuckle.

“Sabi I can feed myself.”

“I saw how shaky your arms where just trying to sit up, so no you can’t.” She feeds you as much of the soup as you can handle.

The warmth soothes your throat but food and you don’t mix with how bad your flu is, you stopped eating after several spoon fulls.

Lian comes back with some hot tea.

“Professor said this kind of tea helps with upset stomachs, but I forgot what he called it.” The boy laughs sheepishly before handing it to you.

You take slow and small sips.

“Did you thank the professor?”

“Of course I did! His help is appreciated.” He huffs.

“Thank you both, but I’m getting tired, I’m going to take a nap.” Your speech slowly slurring together in your exhaustion.

“Good night, we will help again when you wake up.”

“Night big hero sib.”

You were out like, sleep consuming you.

The small wardens made sure you and the stuffed toys where nice and tucked in, before they ran off to get a bucket of cold water and a clean rag.

Once back they placed the cold wet rag on your forehead to try and help break your fever.

With their help they were sure you’d be better in no time.

#So why did you never wake up? #pokemon #pokemon imagines #pokémon #pokemon lian #pokemon sabi #pokemon reader #big sib reader #pokemon fanfic #pokemon fluff

[variantia]

BELLUM.   anyway particularly hilarious is that Frisk in fact does not mind being called dude, chick, or (when older / as a term of platonic endearment) babe, despite being nonbinary

Kris doesn’t mind being called dude or babe but doesn’t like being called chick (tho they probably won’t kick up a fuss about it unless pressed)

Chara, meanwhile, hates ALL those terms (with the exception that when they’re older, their S/O calling them babe is not as bad as they might have thought) simply because they’re all so CASUAL it lacks propriety and they do not like that for themself

(like, when they’re older and being flirted with or smth ... call them dude or chick and just watch their head SNAP at a 90 degree angle with the most TERRIFYING look in their eyes as they ask what you just said BECAUSE THEY DO NOT THINK THEY HEARD YOU CORRECTLY, DID THEY ?)

Flowey can call Frisk or Kris dude without either of them batting an eye

but when he calls Chara dude, he WILL hear about it

he calls them dude and their entire being just recoils in disgust, IT IS SO HIDEOUSLY INFORMAL DO NOT CALL THEM THAT, BROTHER !!

... prompting Flowey to be like “OKAY SO LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE CALLED YOU STUCK UP LITTLE BRAT??? YOUR HIGHNESS? MY LIEGE?? THEIR MAJESTY????”

because for some reason he thinks being THAT formal to address them as any of those titles would embarrass them coming from their brother (and he might even be a little right on that, but the point is-)

and Chara is like “... I am technically a princex, so, any of those would be just fine. or if you run out of options, you may simply call me, gasp, MY NAME.”

they Uno Reverse’d you, Flowey, now you’ve gotta call your older sibling “Their Majesty” or just cave and CALL THEM BY NAME YOU FLOWERY LITTLE JERK fdjkfjadkljkla

they will do this regardless of whether they’re a kid or an adult, they’ll accept babe from a S/O when older BUT DON’T CALL THEM DUDE OR CHICK IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SNAPPED AT TO NOT CALL THEM THAT PLEASE AND THANK YOU

#is that a fucking gremlin ?? ( OOC. ) #(( like this is literally a scene in that adult Chara x reader #they will NOT accept being called dude or chick #you WILL hear about their displeasure if you say it #even as a kid they're very good setting boundaries #and although they're a little better at being a bit flexible / open / pushing their own boundaries as a child #this is one they don't compromise on #and it's still funny to me how Flowey keeps pushing at it #not deliberately trying to aggravate them but every so often he just '' hm wonder if they've changed their mind about this '' #and gets a big ol NOPE !! #... I don't even think Chara would call their sibs '' dude '' if someone was literally holding them at gunpoint lmao #it's just !! not the way they speak or like being spoken to #it doesn't have much to do with how they perceive themself bc like they call themself beautiful AND handsome AND attractive #they just. do not like the informality of it djakjflka THIS K I D- ))

[iwaasfairy]

Csm??? 😳

absolutely not. i am terrified of csm. i am petrified even, i shant touch it with a 12ft pole

#i was talking about this to rhi this morning #every manga nowadays wants to be grimdark #and thinks death is a big 'gotcha' to the readers #but to me it's the worst #i hate it #i get tooooo fucking invested in characters #canon deaths hit me like a jackhammer to a wall #and knowing that chainsawman has like a canon death every so often #i cannot deal w it #i don't even know any details but my sib told me to stay away and i shall #as much as i like the aesthetic of it; i still haven't watched anything #bc i am scared #honey mail

[ja3yun]

Melting Point | P.SH | CH.1

brother's rival!sunghoon x fem!reader warnings: heavily suggestive, kissing, perv!hoon, mentions of self doubt and overthinking, yn's mum is an asshole, anything else lmk! ch.1 synopsis: when circumstances unexpectedly bring you and your brother's long-time ice skating rival, park sunghoon, together, you discover a surprising connection. However, your brother forbids any relationship between you. Will you heed his advice or follow your heart? wc: 14.3k masterlist | next a/n: hi! first chapter is finally here and i hope you all like it. each chapter will be released on friday and roughly between 10k - 16k (since people wanted longer chapters, however, i am open to any feedback regarding lengths). enjoy and please leave any comments/likes/reblogs if you wish !! also, peep the new header

‘We’re dancing, dancing, dancing in the moonlight.'

The blaring of your alarm pulls you from the cocoon of sleep, and you groan into your pillow. The idea of getting up before 6 am feels like a crime, yet here you are, abruptly awakened at 4:30 am by the dulcet tones of TO1.

With a begrudging sigh, you reach for your phone, dismissing the alarm, and then collapse back, staring at the ceiling. This routine has been a part of your life since childhood, and you'd think you'd be accustomed to it by now. However, no matter how early you sleep, removing yourself from the warmth of your bed remains a daily struggle.

You can hear your brother and mum scooting around downstairs, their usual ‘Do you have everything?’, ‘Where are the car keys?’, ‘Get your sister’ conversations louder than they need to be at this time in the day. The last one does mean you better get a move on and go downstairs.

While you put on your peach-flavoured chapstick, your brother bursts into your room, “Hurry up, Y/N.” His eyes roll and he slams the door shut as quickly as he opens it.

You have had the same routine since you were 6 years old. Same exchanges, same panic, same everything. 

Minhee, your older brother, is the reason you have this same routine. When he was 6 years old, Mum took you and him ice skating for the first time and he was a natural. His feet took to the ice like fish to water, like chocolate to strawberries, like you to garlic bread. It was fated. By 7 years old he was already training and what was once a fun hobby turned into a gruelling regime of early rises and the need for a good winter jacket.

“2 minutes!” You shout down to them, one quick glance over in the mirror to make sure you look presentable.  

Running down the stairs you’re greeted by your impatient mum tapping her foot, “Come on, Y/N we really can’t be late today. Coach Kim needs us there as soon as possible. Big announcement.” Her hands are flapping around animated as she speaks, “I think he’s finally going to let Minhee try that quadruple axel we’ve been begging him to let him do for Nationals!”

Your brother looks disinterested, “Mum, he’s already said it’s out of my depth.” His tone is bitter.

Minhee was amazing at ice skating, winning so many medals your mum had you move out of your double room to the box one so she could display them all. By 10 he was the youngest ever in your city to reach state championships and by 14 he was competing at the National level. It did make him the golden, silver, and bronze child in your family, but you didn’t mind all that much - not that you would tell her it did. 

It’s not like you’re doing anything half as impressive as winning trophies, now that was what your mother truly found pride in. You could become a CEO or a lawyer but if you couldn’t hit a toe loop worthy of gold it wouldn’t impress her.

You did try skating when you were younger but it was like you turned into Bambi, never able to find your feet. Even when it snows in winter you can’t hold yourself up. Deep down your mum hoped you would be just like Minhee, creating an opportunity for you both to branch into pair figure skating like the Shib Sibs but no matter how many times Minhee tried to teach you or she got his coach to give you a few free pointers, you couldn’t do it. She’s disappointed and quite frankly you think she holds a grudge against you for not being anything like your amazing, spectacular, talented brother.

But you still loved to watch the sport, how efficiently and painlessly each skater would glide across the ice and do manoeuvres that defied gravity. It was a magical sport, so when your mum dragged you along to every practice because she couldn’t afford a babysitter, you didn’t mind all that much.

Tying up your final lace you stand up from the bottom step and Minhee passes you your black jacket with faux fur lining. You mutter a quick ‘thanks’ before grabbing your book bag and all three of you head to the car.

"What if it's the Olympics!" Squealing, your mother fastens her seatbelt. What if it was the Olympics? Despite consistently finishing in the top three, if not first, in most major competitions in his teenage years, his coach never selected him for the Youth Olympic Games. But now that he’s 20 years old, he could compete in the Olympics.

Your brother looks sideways at your mother and widens his eyes, "You think so?" It was his dream to make it to the Olympics, and even if he didn't win, he wanted to experience everything; the different country, being surrounded by the best of the best - he had been planning his routine for it forever. 

There is a little envious man who climbs up on your shoulder from time to time when conversations like this happen. Of course, you would be so happy for Minhee, after all, he works harder than anyone you know but you wish it was you. Not necessarily the skating part, but to be so good at something you have a goal and dreams that take you to the top. Just something to make you feel alive.

You’re in your 2nd year of University studying Events and Marketing after your mum said it would be good for you to learn how to pitch reasons why Minhee would be a great brand ambassador. So you did it to please her. Honestly, you actually do enjoy it, you won’t lie about that, but the lack of appreciation for your efforts goes unnoticed 99% of the time. The 1% was when you got to shadow a boss at a Nike headquarters branch a few cities over.

“Get a good word in for Minhee while you’re there!”

She was proud of you that day.

As the car rolls up to the rink’s parking lot your mother turns serious, “If this is about choosing you for the Olympics, Min, you need to act excited and unexpectant, they may be filming a behind-the-scenes documentary on your journey to a gold medal.” 

Image. Your mum was big on keeping Minhee’s reputation on brand. Right now his ‘brand’ is being humble and noble.

“Yes mum,” he salutes, “Smile and flutter.” Winking and smirking as he mocks his usual signature poses causes you to laugh but your mum finds nothing funny and her change in aura scares both of you out of the car.

_____

The usually quiet ice rink is filled with chatter and chaos, with over 20 people speaking over each other. Minhee looks down at you and you shrug. None of you had any clue what was going on but if your years of watching Detective Conan paid off you would say that whatever caused this commotion was the reason the coach asked Minhee to come in as quickly as possible.

Customarily, at this time in the morning, it’s Minhee’s solo practice hours to work on his routine for Nationals so this many people here is concerning.

“Listen!” Coach Kim’s voice bellowed around the arena putting the chattering to a halt, “I know this is untimely and inconvenient, trust me, it is for me too,” Your eyes follow his and see another coach standing about 2 meters from him, “But we need to make this work and to do that I need you to listen to me.”

As your family approaches the disarray, Coach Kim beckons you all forward. Minhee is the first to ask the all too important question, “What’s going on, Coach?” The people behind you scatter and begrudgingly tread out of the building, their faces glum and disgruntled.

“Minhee, Ms. Kang, Y/N,” Coach Kim greets you all, “Sorry about all that, although telling them was a lot less scary than you.”

“What? Is this place shutting down?” Minhee jokes but by the look on Coach Kim’s face he isn’t far off. 

“Not exactly.” Scratching his neck, Coach Kim looks everywhere but Minhee’s eyes, “You know the Albion Centre? The rink on the other side of town?” All three of you nod despite that he’s only talking to your brother, “Well the council had a little meeting last week and they’re turning it fully into a Hockey training centre.”

The words sit in the air as he hopes Minhee will come to the conclusion himself, “So what? Just means more time for skating here right? If all the Hockey team are going over there?” 

Sighing, the coach nods, “For sure, but it also means every skater from there will be, well, here.” He gestures around and then points half-heartedly at the other Coach who is stepping forward.

“Kang Minhee, it’s great to meet you properly, I’ve heard nothing but great things,” he extends his hand which your brother accepts, still dazed from the information, “I’m Coach Lee.”

“Wait so, EVERY skater in the town will be here? in Belmore? Coach Kim, that's not possible, my training time will be cut!” Minhee is sulking but you don’t blame him. This is a fucked up situation.

Coach Lee answers, “Not true, Minhee, with the Hockey team over at Albion it frees up some ice time, you’ll get to train more if you want to.” 

“And! No more shield guards around the rink, you always hated those!” Coach Kim smiles and playfully punches his chest.

There is something the Coaches aren’t telling him. Like they’re presenting him with all the benefits before hitting him with a bombshell. You know it and for sure your mother knows it. She has been eerily quiet throughout the whole exchange, if there is one thing more unsettling than her shouting, it’s her silence.

“Albion, huh?” She steps forward and tapers her eyes, “Isn’t that the rink where the Parks are located? And aren’t you Lee Jaeho? The coach of that snake ‘Ice Prince’?”

Tension spreads around everyone’s shoulders, the Coaches can’t look at her, and none of you move. 

A loud click echoes throughout the rink as someone walks through the door.

“Coach what the fuck?” The voice booms behind you, “Why did I have to drive almost an hour to come here, why couldn’t we just meet at Albi?” 

Park Sunghoon. 

What’s that saying? Speak of the devil and he shall appear? His mother shuffles in behind him, vocalising her own distaste for being here as if it were the most inconvenient thing in the world. Little do they know…

It’s like the world stops when Sunghoon and Minhee see each other and not in a rom-com way, “What the fuck is HE doing here?” Sunghoon points to Minhee, not taking his eyes off him. 

“This is MY rink, Park.”

Sunghoon and Minhee have been competitors since they were 9 years old. Each of them competes against one another in every competition, always striving for first place. It began as healthy competition, and they were even friends at one point, but as they grew older and each mother became increasingly determined to claim their kid was superior to the others, a rivalry developed. If one of them did something, the other had to outdo it tenfold.

When Minhee learned how to do a double axel, Sunghoon learned a triple. When Sunghoon landed his Euler jumps, Minhee was landing an Euler but following it up with a Salchow. When Minhee won the Junior Silver Medal in 2015, Sunghoon won the Junior Gold Medal in 2016.

It was always like this.

Their similarities didn’t help either, both 20, towering at 6”0, and blessed with faces that effortlessly drew admiring glances from girls. Objectively, you’ve only really seen the attraction to Sunghoon given that Minhee is your brother, however, you're not blind to the bevvy of girls who gravitate towards him either. This is precisely why your mother insisted on Minhee maintaining his brand, which stood in stark contrast to Sunghoon's.

He wasn’t rude or stuck up, actually from what you’ve perceived from afar, he is kind and gentle. But unlike your brother's ‘humble’ persona, Sunghoon knows he’s good and will tell anyone about it. Sunghoon’s confidence is easily mistaken for haughtiness. He can come across as arrogant and cocky, just like those sports journalists have been branding him for years like he thinks he’s better than anyone else past and present. 

Having been to every competition Minhee has skated in has led you to know a few things about Park Sunghoon. He was arguably the best skater in the division, even over Minhee, he was determined, hard-working, resilient, and fit as fuck.

To say you used to have a crush on him would be the understatement of the century, matter of fact it was so obvious back then that your mum would often reprimand you for staring at him too long. He was your first crush, you were 8 and he was 9, and like some girls that age you planned out a wedding, a future of 2 dogs and you’d both live in a pink palace. At first, it was his looks, no one in your primary school looked that pretty or even shone a torch compared to him. It was like seeing an angel for the first time. But then you started to grow up, and while still appreciating his face, you focused on how beautifully he skated and how majestic he moved. He was so passionate about the sport it made you feel butterflies, you hadn’t seen love like that before. Sunghoon and the rink were fated to be together. 

“Sunghoon, calm down.” His coach whispered, “We need to tell you something-”

“I am NOT sharing my rink with that fucking z-list prick, alright?” Minhee didn’t hold back, he got that anger from your mother.

Turning to his coach, Sunghoon raised his eyebrows, “What does he mean sharing?”

Both Coaches exhaled. You can’t imagine how many times they have had to explain this situation, they probably should have just sent out an email. So as Coach Lee takes Sunghoon and his mum to the side, Coach Kim is looking at Minhee apologetically, “I’m sorry, Minhee. I know he’s your biggest competition, and trust me, I don’t exactly love this outcome either,” rubbing a hand down his exhausted face he whispers, “but work with me here. I’ve scheduled you guys at different times, you won’t even need to see him.”

“That’s not the point, Coach, you know how I feel about him.”

If it wasn’t for your mum you seriously ponder whether Minhee would have such a strong hatred for the fellow ice skater, and as you look at Sunghoon you wonder the same thing.

“I know trust me, you and your mother make that perfectly clear every time we cross them at comps, but you just gotta live with it, son.” 

The coaches come back together and look at both of their young prodigies, “Minhee you’ll train morning, and Sunghoon you’ll train nights. Because of the merger of rinks, we have an excessive number of skaters, so we are making it a 24-hour arena but ONLY for you two and Wonyoung since Nationals are coming up.” Both coaches nodded their heads as if agreeing with themselves that this was a good choice, “So if you happen to turn up at the same time, you respect each others’ space and behave like grown men. Got it?”

Grumbling, your brother rolls his eyes, and Sunghoon nods. This is going to be a disaster.

Just as you think all bickering would be over, the mothers start chasing after the coaches as they head into the office. You felt bad for the trainers having to deal with this and getting blamed for it all, but most importantly, you feel sorry for them because they have to listen to both your mum and Mrs. Park for at least an hour.

Once the door to their office shut, it was silent, the only noise coming from the large ACs. 

Scared to look any of them in the eye you place a hand on Minhee’s arm, “Come on, you need to practice.”

“Emphasis on the ‘need’.” Sunghoon pipes up and you wish he hadn’t. You were a fool to think this parting would be civil.

Minhee pokes his tongue in his cheek and looks at his rival, “You got something to say?” He’s challenging Sunghoon, baiting him to start something, but Sunghoon doesn’t budge, “Better watch my skate doesn’t somehow come flying off and slit you open.” Minhee was all bark and no bite, you knew this, but he seems deadly serious right now.

“Is that a threat?” Sunghoon stands tall against Minhee.

“It’s a fucking promise, Park.” 

No one says anything else, they don’t have to, the look in their eyes is scary as they stand toe to toe with one another. “Let’s go, Mini.” You squeak out his nickname. By no means are you a timid person but you don’t want to interject and suddenly find yourself in the firing line. 

With a grunt, your brother obeys and storms out and into the changing rooms, leaving you and Sunghoon alone.

His stern eyes flicker to your soft ones, it’s been a while since you’ve been this close to him, close enough to admire him. His black hair is fluffy and unstyled unlike how it is usually when you see him at competitions, the bags under his eyes prove how hard he’s working whether at skating or general life and the freckles that are perfectly placed on his face suddenly look more ethereal than before. Sunghoon is the epitome of beauty.

While you’re staring you fail to notice how he is staring right back at you, taking in all your features like he’s trying to commit them to memory. He hasn’t seen you since Sectionals which didn’t seem like that long ago but to him, it feels like a lifetime. You’ve cut your hair since then and Sunghoon noticed.

Meeting his eyes once again you see how they sparkle, just like they do when he’s on the ice.

“Sorry for my brother, he can be-”

“A dick?”

“A lot,” Your tone is filled with warning. Sunghoon might have been right but that’s still your brother, “He can be a lot but you already know that.”

Walking up to you, he tilts his head and smiles softly, “Don’t start apologising for him now, Sweets.” He leans so his face meets yours, “Or else you’ll be apologising your whole life.” 

Sunghoon pats your head and makes his way to the coach's office, leaving you mesmerised.

______

Minhee and Sunghoon have successfully kept their distance from each other for the past two weeks, which has been a relief to everyone. If this pattern continues, there is hope that everything will just be a harmonious as before the merge.

Although the rink was now open for their disposal, you were never more grateful. No, it wasn’t for you, the coaches explicitly said it was for the future medalists, but you knew the receptionist for the building and she would let you away with anything if you batted your lashes and gave her a box of Toffees. 

Growing up at the rink meant you found solace in the atmosphere and surroundings, so much so that you went there to simply study, the arena oddly hugging you in comfort while you tore the hair from your head. Skaters and staff became your friends with how much time you’ve spent in the bleachers. Typically, it would be during the day with what little spare time you had, but with the building being open around the clock it means you can inhabit the premises in the middle of the night, the perfect time to get your head down and work.

That is where you are headed right now just after your shift at the supermarket. It was as painful as ever with customers not understanding that you don’t make the prices, or that no you cannot watch their baby while they run for a jug of milk. It’s baffling how dense some people can be. 

The rink is a nice place to relax and get away from it all.

Pushing open the door you see the receptionist, Miss Barbara, filing her nails. She was a friendly woman, the kind type, but when Coach Kim told her she would have to work some nights she wasn’t so sweet and caring, not to him anyway.

Her real name is just Barbara but as the years went on, she adopted this regal persona and insisted everyone call her Miss or Ma’am. Only you and Minhee gave in to her request though.

“Hi, Miss Barbara,” You wave. Reaching into your white tote bag you retrieve her bribes, eh, goodies, and pass them to her. 

With much delight, she wiggles her fingers and slips them from the desk into her lap, “Y/N you are my favourite person that walks through those doors!” Her eyes are trained on the sweets rather than you when she speaks which makes you chuckle.

“Glad I can be held in such high regard, Miss Barbara,” You change your accent to a posh one and wave like a Queen in her tiny town car. Lifting her head, Miss Barbara sees your roleplay and laughs, dismissing you into the rink.

As you step into the arena, the chill of the air greets you, accompanied by the soothing sound of skates slicing through the ice. Finding your way to the centre of the second row of bleachers, you settle in, unpacking your bag and gracefully arranging your belongings. Crossing your legs to create space for your laptop and paper, you deftly balance everything, a skill you've honed to perfection.

Typing in your password you hear the skates coming towards you and scraping to a halt but you don’t look up.

“If you’ve come to spy on my routine you aren’t doing a very good job at hiding.” Sunghoon playfully remarks. You hadn’t even noticed it was him who was skating, since it was usually Wonyoung gracing the ice you just expected it to be her. He looks at your mess of a lap and scrunches his full eyebrows, “Like you’re really not making it discrete.” 

You look up and see him pointing to your laptop, “Oh, no I’m just studying.” Returning to typing you hear him scoff, making you look at him again.

“You expect me to believe that?” The look on his face is incredulous when you don’t budge, “What? Don’t they have libraries at your Uni?”

Sunghoon’s tone is accusatory and you don’t like it. “Look, I don’t have beef with you okay? That’s the wrong Kang sibling.” There is no reason for him to be giving you attitude right now, you hadn’t done anything wrong, an innocent bystander in all this. 

Deep down he knew that too, but he couldn’t be too careful.

Crossing his arms, he leans on top of the barrier and rests his chin, examining you and how much you’re telling the truth, “So, what? You genuinely just sit here and study? Does the cold stimulate your brain or something?” 

“No, it’s like white noise at this point, comforting.” Glancing up you see his still dubious expression, “Ugh, look I come here all the time, ask anyone!” Your arms gesturing to the empty rink is not really helping your case.

Having had enough you slam the laptop shut and stand up, “Whatever, I’ll just go somewhere else.”

Sunghoon shoots his arms up to mock surrender, “Woah, Sweets, calm down, I was just making sure. Need to air on the side of caution, yeah?” His voice softens. 

Making you uncomfortable wasn’t on his list of things to do, but his mum made it very clear your whole family wasn’t to be trusted, and he always heeded his mother's warnings even if he thought she was being overdramatic. “Listen, stay here as long as you want but if I see your brother doing a double toe loop into a triple axel I know who to blame.” 

With a smirk, you sit back down, “See now you’ve just told me your big secret,” a laugh leaves your lips, “Changed your mind on trusting a Kang so soon huh?” 

He’s flabbergasted. 

Did he really just tell you part of his routine like it was nothing, in an instant after he just told himself not to be so trusting of you?  You’re more dangerous than he first thought, and you aren’t even trying.

After seeing the realisation come over his face you laugh loudly, “Sunghoon, don’t worry. My brother can handle you on his own, he doesn’t need to cheat to beat you.”

“Say that to my 8 first places over him.”  It goes silent. It’s not like you could argue with him, Sunghoon did beat Minhee in a lot of skates. 

Trying to lighten the mood he points to you, “No pictures.” He jokes and skates away adroitly.

You don’t see the smile creeping onto his face, or the way tries to shake you out of his head. That conversation between you made him want it to be the start of many more, much more.

________

Emerging from your room, you're taken aback to find your mom standing right at your door, narrowly avoiding a collision. Both of you gasp and instinctively clutch your chests. "Jesus, Y/N, you scared me," she exclaims. Ignoring the fact that she's lingering around your room, you offer an apology, which she quickly dismisses. "A letter came for you," she informs you, handing over the manila envelope before walking away. At least she isn't one of those moms who loiter and wait for you to open it; she doesn't fuss over things like that. Or perhaps, she doesn't fuss over you.

Abandoning your plan to head to the kitchen for a cup of tea, you return to your bed and sprawl across it, letting your legs dangle off the edge. With a swift motion, you tear open the envelope and unfold the letter, eagerly scanning its contents.

Dear Y/N Kang,

At Yonsei University, our students consistently impress us with their dedication and commitment to excellence. Each year, we have the privilege of acknowledging one outstanding student whose remarkable progress merits special recognition. This year, we are delighted to announce that you have been selected as the top student of Yonsei University.

In light of your exceptional achievements, we would be honoured to celebrate your success by presenting you with an award. A special ceremony, bringing together top students from across the city, will be held on the 23rd of September at 7 pm in the historic Cathedral adjacent to our university campus. You are welcome to bring a plus one to share in this momentous occasion.

Congratulations once again on this well-deserved honour.

You skim-read the rest, and a triumphant smile creeps onto your face. There's no conceivable way you're at the top of the University this year - perhaps the top of your year, but the entire university? It feels like a surreal, sick joke. Investigating the envelope, you spot the official stamp of Yonsei. It's real.

Bounding down the stairs, you find your mum and brother already seated at the dining table, ready for dinner, "Mum, Mini, look!" You flap the paper in their faces, excitement bubbling within you. Your mum tuts and carefully opens the letter, reading it with precision. You're searching for any sign of a reaction, but nothing surfaces. She simply places it down and checks her phone.

You sit down gingerly, awaiting her acknowledgement, hoping for some form of appreciation, "Hmm, thought so." Clicking the lock on her phone, she sets it aside, "Sorry, Y/N, Minhee has a schedule that day."

"But aren't you happy for me?" You ask, your excitement dampening. It's not just about the ceremony; it's about the achievement itself. She should be proud of you, "I'm at the top of my university."

"Yes, you are, darling," your mum responds, her tone lacking enthusiasm. Normally, it wouldn't bother you, but this is a big deal, huge even, and she couldn't spare you the time of day to at least pretend to be happy for you.

Your heart sinks, and the elation you felt a moment ago dissipates. She really did not care, and the void of her indifference casts a shadow over your significant accomplishment.

Minhee places a comforting hand on your shoulder, sensing your disappointment. "Top of the class, huh? Finally, you get one of your awards in my trophy room." His attempt at humour falls flat in the weight of the moment. Minhee notices your lack of response, withdrawing his hand and sinking into silence, his gaze fixed downward.

“We just can’t go, your brother has an advertisement to film that day, we’ve been planning it for months. You understand.”

You had no choice but to understand.

“Yes, Mum.” The acceptance cuts deep. You've never blamed Minhee for the uneven distribution of favouritism; it wasn't his fault, yet, the sting of yearning for a moment in the spotlight, just once, remains. The chair you rise from screeches against the floor. "I need to go tell my friends about it."

There isn’t a protest from her, so you slip out quietly. Minhee extends a hand toward you, a silent gesture of support, but you don’t bother acknowledging it. The door closes behind you, leaving a trail of unresolved emotions lingering in the air.

In truth, you didn’t want to tell your friends right now, when you tell them you want it to be a happy occasion, not tarnished by your mum's attitude.

How could she be so nonchalant about the fact that you achieved such an award? You weren’t looking for bells and whistles but a simple ‘Well done, Y/N.’ would have sufficed. Was it too much to ask for? You did all this for her, after all. 

A deja vu of last week, you push the heavy doors to the Belmore Centre, greeting Miss Barbara before heading to the rink.

The familiar scent of ice and warm rubber infiltrates your nose, offering solace and temporarily numbing the thoughts swirling in your mind. The rink, with its unique aura, never fails to bring you a sense of contentment.

As you take your usual seat, you can't help but notice an unusual absence of the rhythmic sound of skates cutting through the ice. It's just past 8 pm, yet the rink is eerily silent. For a change, it's pure bliss, the absence of the usual hustle and bustle providing an unexpected sanctuary.

Sitting with your head in your hands, you succumb to overthinking. If only you could have skated and achieved something that your mum could be proud of. What would it take?

A tear slips down your cheek, and you're oblivious to the approaching presence.

Sunghoon’s smile is subtle as he takes in your dishevelled appearance. You’re not in your usual jacket, in fact, you look like you've hastily run out of the house as if you were just popping into the shop for milk.

With your hands buried in your head, he hears a sniffle, realizing that you're crying, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Sunghoon drops his bag and skates as he rushes over to you, concern all over his face. 

Shaking your head you just cry harder as your brain screams at you. It is so loud you can’t hear anything else, certainly not the boy sitting next to you.

He rubs your back to calm you down but to no avail. Instead, you cry harder and he doesn’t know what to do. Sunghoon isn’t exactly an expert when it comes to crying girls, “Sweets, stop crying.” Great, Sunghoon, just great, he curses himself, “Umm, no wait, shit, breathe! I’ve heard that works before.” He quickly made the realisation he would never make it as a therapist.

Sunghoon is always so confident and self-assured but right now with you he has no idea how to act.

What he doesn’t realize is that his awkward attempt to console you has genuinely worked. Sunghoon fumbling over his words gives you something to focus on, and hearing him mutter to himself about how awful he is at this makes you laugh. It’s a small laugh but one that breaks through the heaviness of the moment.

Hearing your laughter, Sunghoon whips his head to face you, his hand continuing to rub soothing circles on your back. “What happened, Y/N?” His voice carries a gentle concern, inviting you to share, but you just shake your head, not ready to delve into the details. “Nah, come on. Whatever it is has really upset you. It’s better to talk about it.”

His voice resonates with a soothing calmness, making you feel like you could confide in him about anything.

“I just feel like I'm not good enough and that anything I do will never meet her standards,” you shrug, expressing the weight of self-doubt that has been dragging you down.

“Ah, it’s your mum, right?” His lips purse as he gazes ahead to the rink. The elude to ‘her’ being his only anchor of reasoning.

Your silence serves as confirmation. Sunghoon, all too familiar with the feeling of not being enough, understands your pain. But in this moment, it's not about him. He can only offer superficial advice, “If you live your life based on other's expectations, you’ll never be truly happy.”

“Says the competitive figure skater,” you lightly laugh, a hint of sadness slowly dissipating from your face.

Sunghoon pauses the reassuring circles between your shoulders and sighs, “You got me there.” You were right; who was he to tell you to stop living for other people when that’s all he has ever done since he was 6?

Seeing how his shoulders slump, you worry you might have hit a nerve. “Hey, I didn’t me—”

“Do you want to do something reckless?” The sudden switch from sadness to confidence confuses you, and you gaze at him as if he has two heads. It's remarkable how quickly he pulled himself out of his own thoughts, and you can't help but feel a twinge of envy.

When you don’t respond, he pushes the idea further, “Come on, Sweets. Didn’t have you as the type to say no to a little fun.”

“There's a big difference between reckless and fun, so which is it?” you ask.

“Come and find out.” He smirks, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Suddenly, Sunghoon springs to his feet and yanks you out of your seat, propelling you into whatever scheme he has up his sleeve. As his hand interlocks with yours, a peculiar flutter dances in your stomach.

“Where are we going?” You glance around as he drags you past the rink and into the back rooms. "What’s so fun about plain grey walls and 'Employee of the Month' posters?”

Sunghoon simply rolls his eyes in response to your question.

The next thing you know, you're in a warehouse-like room, surrounded by old skating equipment, acrylite shields you've seen hockey players collide with, and an army of mannequins. 

What somehow escapes your notice is the giant red Zamboni that Sunghoon is confidently strolling towards.

Seeing you mesmerized by the mannequins, Sunghoon waits for you to turn around, but you're too engrossed in the plastic figures to notice him. “Looking for your next boyfriend in there?” he teases, his voice slicing through the silence of the room.

Jumping at the unexpected remark, you hastily remove your hand from one of the figures' chests and whip around. Sunghoon leans against the Zamboni, a tilted smirk gracing his face, hands tucked casually in his trouser pockets. Embarrassed, you mumble a quick 'shut up' and shuffle over to him. To be honest, those dummies probably would have offered a more exciting conversation than most men.

Your eyes finally land on the Zamboni. It gleams, proudly bearing the bold inscription 'Zamboni Campbell' on the side. A few years ago, Coach Kim, in a moment of whimsy, had asked people to name the ‘new love in his life’ through a Facebook post. Some 7-year-old had chosen 'Zamboni Campbell.' It might not have been the most clever name, but considering his age, you let it slide. 

“Please stop leaning on Zamboni Campbell; she’s a national treasure,” you interject, half-joking. If anything were to happen to her, you imagine Coach Kim might have an aneurysm.

The figure skater scoffs and pushes himself off the machine, “She’s no Zamby Malik.” He jokes, “My baby boy is probably being abused right now.” The comment raises an eyebrow; what is it with some people and their weird fascination for anything with a motor? Your expression remains neutral as Sunghoon looks at you. “Zamby Malik? Albion’s Zamboni? Named after Zayn Malik?” he questions.

“Yeah, got that reference, thanks.” Stepping forward, your eyes meet his. “I have been a Niall worshipper for many, many years,” you say proudly. You’ve been a dedicated fan of Niall and all the One Direction boys forever.

“Eh, more of a Louis girl myself,” Sunghoon shrugs and turns to face the ice resurfacer. “So, how badly have you ever wanted to ride her?” His hands rub together in a way that eerily resembles a villain plotting an evil scheme.

Nope. Absolutely not. You're not getting on that thing. For one, Coach Kim would undoubtedly kill you both if he found out. He loves the Zamboni more than his own children. And two, you have no idea how to operate it. Disaster is inevitable. “I am not getting on that thing!” 

Sunghoon gives you a look that says ‘Of course, you are getting on that thing.’ but he can give you all the looks he wants, you are not doing it.

“Sweets, you need to have a go. It’ll help whatever is going on in that pretty little head of yours.” Sunghoon's hand playfully ruffles your hair before he strides towards the steps of the Zamboni.

Fixing your hair consciously, you find yourself following him. “How will it help exactly? When I die from crashing it or at the hands of Coach Kim, at least I'll be free of my thoughts?”

Sunghoon spins around, and you walk right into his chest. “I was thinking more along the lines of a clear rink, clear mind, but your reasoning works too, I suppose.” His hands grip your shoulders and push you at arm's length. “So?”

As you weigh up your options, for him, there's only one option – getting you behind the wheel of Zamboni Campbell.

“I don’t know how to drive it though, Sunghoon.” That would surely deter him from this ridiculous idea. But it doesn't.

“Duh,” His eyes rolled once again, “I’ll teach you obviously.” 

It’s at that moment you understand that regardless of how long you’ve known him, you don’t actually know him. In fact, you haven’t even had a conversation this long before.

“Since when did you know how to ride a Zamboni?” You inquire and Sunghoon removes his hands from your shoulders, running his fingers through his hair. God, he is so handsome.

“You learn a thing or two being on the ice so long.” 

The truth is, he was constantly pestering the maintenance guy at Albion to clean the ice before his practice. He got so fed up hearing Sunghoon complain he told him to do it himself. So he learned, and ever since, he’s been whizzing on a Zamboni.

You are running out of excuses, and part of you is agreeing with him that this will be good for you. “Fine.”

“That’s a girl!” Sunghoon huffs, and you move to walk up the steps, but he stops you, holding up two fingers. “Two things first.”

Removing his long liquorice-colored coat, he gently places it on your shoulders. The warmth lingering from his body heat in the linings of the jacket makes you realize how cold you were. “It gets cold up there,” he says, straightening out the collar.

You push your arms through the holes and wrap yourself up in it. Sunghoon has broad shoulders, so the jacket makes you look ten times smaller than you are, creating a cosy cocoon. 

If he knew it was okay to say, he'd probably tell you how cute you look. For now, he keeps that thought to himself.

Murmuring a polite ‘thank you,’ you're grateful he doesn’t ask why you don't have your jacket. Sunghoon hasn’t pushed you to talk about it at all, and that's something you appreciate.

Sunghoon climbs up and gets situated behind the wheel.

“Wait, you said there were two things?” The jacket is one, and what else?

“Ah, there’s only one seat up here so,” he pats his lap, “You’re going to have to sit on my knee.”

He has to be joking, yet his face looks serious, a tinge of red sneaking onto his neck and ears. He’s blushing. The playful challenge in his eyes mixes with genuine warmth. It's clear he wants to make you smile.

Cute.

“I can’t teach you from down there, now come on up.” He continues.

He won’t give up, apparently, so with a huff, you start scaling the steps, standing at the top and realise how high this thing is. Sunghoon puts his hand out for you to take as he guides you to sit down. “This is super high,” you state patently.

Sunghoon laughs and shakes his head, “You’re just small, Sweets.” His hands go to your waist to stabilise you while you hike one leg over him. “That’s it, not so scary, huh?”

Slowly, you sit down on his lap, getting yourself comfortable. You feel his thighs tense under you. “Oh, am I too heavy?”

Quickly, he shakes his head, “No, not at all, I’ve got legs of steel.” He slaps the side of his thigh and relaxes them a little. Sunghoon won’t say it, but the way you wriggled to get comfy was putting pressure straight on his cock, making him tense up. It would be rude to pop a boner right now no matter how good you feel, given the circumstances.

“So what do I do?”

“Hmm?” He was too busy lost in his thoughts he forgot what he was doing. “Oh, right,” he turns on the machine and guides you through the steps. “So there are six levers, each does their own thing—conditioner, elevation, brush, tyre wash, wash water,” he continues going through the controls.

While he’s explaining, you observe how fast his lips are moving. Is he always this talkative, or is it just with you? A part of you hopes for the latter. “And we are good to go.” He finishes and smiles. You probably should have paid attention because now he’s looking at you expectantly. “You didn’t listen to a word I just said, did you?”

“Something about water being washed?” you bring your shoulders up sheepishly and smile, showing all your teeth.

The look on his face feigns annoyance, “How about I drive and you sit there and look pretty, yeah?” 

Pretty. That’s the second time he's inadvertently called you pretty. 

Sunghoon reaches his arm around you, starting the machine up and driving it onto the rink, his other hand is holding you securely in his lap. The ice resurfacer is in full swing as it sweeps the edges of the rink. You haven’t seen the rink from this angle before and it brings forth a new appreciation.

“Gonna need you to pump for me.”

It takes you a minute to process his words before craning your neck around to look at him, “Excuse me?” You have no idea in what context that sentence couldn’t be laced with innuendo.

He seems unphased, or maybe just unaware of his words double entendre, and points to the right of the machine, “This Zam has a manual wash water lever, you need to pump it for me, Sweets, I can’t reach it with you on my lap.”

Can he please stop saying pump for all that is holy? 

You screw your head back on and see the black lever he is talking about, “This one?” 

His one hand on your hip squeezes slightly when you reach over, “Yeah just lift it up and down, it might be heavy for you so be careful.” 

Sunghoon watches you pump the water washer a few times, you use both hands to grasp the lever so he tightens his hold on your waist to ensure your safety. After he has focused on the task at hand he notices the way your hands are gripped around the lever, your fingers barely able to wrap around it. He can’t stop the next thoughts that come into his head. What he wouldn’t give to have you stroking his cock with those pretty hands.

The next thing he notices is how you’re softly grunting as you put the work in and your arms losing pace due to repetition and tiredness. The scene in front of him isn’t calming his thoughts down any because now he’s thinking if these noises are similar to ones you would make while bouncing on his dick. He feels like a pervert because here you are upset and he’s got crude thoughts of you infiltrating his mind. 

“That’s enough for now, Sweets.” His voice is strained, he could have watched you do that for hours but for the sake of the ice and his dignity, he needs you to stop.

Pulling away and shuffling back to comfort on his lap you smile, “That was weirdly fun. It got some frustration out of me.” 

It’s ironic because frustration has seeped into Sunghoon, horny frustration, and you are so blissfully unaware.

“Wow, look how sparkly it is!” You exclaim as your eyes are glued to the ice behind you. Maybe only once have you seen the rink so clean, but even then it wasn’t like this, it’s practically glistening. Zamboni Campbell needs to pat herself on the back.

The boy steering her also needs to praise himself not just for the excellent resurfacing job, but also for helping you. It’s not until now you see that his plan worked, he got you out of your head and stopped the crippling thoughts that were bound to consume you if you didn’t have this distraction.

Both of you lap the rink 4 times before Sunghoon looks at his handy work and smiles, “She drives like a dream.” He steers back into the warehouse, trying to park the Zamboni close enough to where they found it.

“Better than Zamby Malik?�� You tease.

“Never, but she’s not far off.” Sunghoon doesn’t let go of the hold he has on your waist despite the ice resurfacer being stagnant. Instead, he’s slightly massaging your sides, an action you can barely feel because of his coat engulfing your body, but you feel it enough.

Turning around so your legs are draped fully over his thighs, you're about to get off him, but you don't. You should stand up, climb down the steps, and leave it as a nice memory, but this future memory feels too short like there should be something more to it.

Sunghoon feels it too, that’s why he’s staring at you so intensely. The once shallow smile he had on his face now dropped off; his eyes are looking deep into yours, and his hands move up your waist slightly, yet he doesn’t make a move.

This has to be your decision. Something you want.

If there was ever an inappropriate time to think about your brother, it’s when you’re two seconds away from kissing a guy. Minhee’s face flashes in your mind, and you realize what you’re about to do - you’re about to kiss Minhee’s biggest rival, his arch-nemesis, how could you even face your brother if you gave in to this?

Sunghoon watches you while your brain flips out; you don’t look like you’re 100% certain of the idea of his lips on yours. “Sweets?” he squeezes your waist and sighs, “We should get going.”

Oh.

All you’re thinking about is why he didn’t kiss you, and why it hurt a little that he didn’t. It looked like he wanted to; maybe you took too long, or he stared long enough to realize you weren’t actually pretty. You guys don't even know each other well, but you feel yourself being pulled towards him. Wasn’t it the same for him? Your brain went from overthinking one thing to another.

Nodding your head, you stand up carefully and make your way down. You can’t even look at him out of shame and guilt for even entertaining the idea of kissing him. Your mum would be so disappointed if she knew.

Sunghoon follows you down but unlike you he is keeping his eyes fixed on your face, focusing on every change in your manner both positive and negative. He wanted to kiss you but you looked like you were about to pass out from the thought of it. Sunghoon wanted you to be certain, “I’ll drive you home.” 

“No, no it’s fine, I’m not that far from here.” Being in a car with him after this wouldn’t be the best outcome, your mind is still on his lips.

“Please, Y/N, it’s late. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Anything could happen.” Sunghoon doesn’t want you to walk home, yes because of safety concerns, but also because he wants to spend even a fraction of a minute more time with you. You seem to be one of the few people in this world he can relax around.

He should have just kissed you.

The look on his face is serious but his eyes are soft, not asking but begging you to just say yes. 

“Sure.” The atmosphere is heavy, filled with longing and tension. You’re both thinking different things.

You’re analysing every specific detail from tonight to see if you have done something wrong, anything that would have stopped him from kissing you.

And Sunghoon’s brain is filled with various thoughts of you from tonight. The lever, the way you felt so right sitting in his lap, and more importantly how amazing it felt to be the one that made you smile. The way you smiled and giggled on the Zamboni is something he is going to commit to memory. 

As of today, he will start keeping part of his brain solely for you to occupy.

The walk to Sunghoon's car is silent, free of the laughter and conversation that previously filled your space. Both of you appear to be over-analysing each other's previous acts, which makes the situation more awkward than it needs to be.

Sunghoon's car is impressive: a sleek monochrome Peugeot New 2008 with a black interior. The scent of his fresh cologne combines with the ocean-scented tree-shaped air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror.

“This is a nice car.” You note, buckling up your seatbelt.

“She’s a beaut, isn’t she? Got her as part of a brand deal with Peugeot Sport.” His hands caress the smooth wheel and his lips upturn into a proud smile. Brand deals and advertisements are not what you want to hear about right now, especially when it’s the one thing your mum cared about instead of your award. Your sour mood doesn’t go unnoticed, “Let’s get you home, yeah?” 

That was the one place you didn’t really want to be right now but you nod, shoulders slumped a little at the thought of facing your mum again.

“Or,” Sunghoon starts, “We could get some food? The University Cafe is always open late.” 

It was like he could read your mind, “Yeah, I could eat.” 

With that, Sunghoon starts the car and drives to the cafe. The way your face turned a little paler when he said he would take you home alarmed him. He doesn’t think you’re in danger there, Minhee might be a dick but he was protective over you, he wouldn’t let anything happen, and Sunghoon knew that. Whatever it is, you didn’t want to go home, and Sunghoon is more than willing to keep you to himself for a couple more hours.

The journey to the cafe, situated more on his side of town, unfolds in silence, only disrupted by the gentle strains of Hozier's "Like Real People Do" emanating from the radio. A wry smile tugs at Sunghoon's lips, finding the song's relevance a touch on the nose for the current situation.

Upon arriving at the cafe, you're taken aback by its shabby appearance - chipped walls, adjacent graffiti, not to mention it’s deserted. Sunghoon, attuned to your hesitance, reassures you, “It’s a lot nicer than it looks, promise. I’ve been coming here forever.” Stepping out of the car, he leaves you with the choice of venturing into the weathered establishment or remaining in the safety of the car. Despite your reservations, a rumble from your stomach nudges you to join him inside.

The interior mirrors the exterior's wear and tear, yet a certain comfort envelops the air as Sunghoon guides you with a reassuring hand on the small of your back. “Sit anywhere you like, Sweets.”

Opting for a seat by the back window, you settle into the firm, brown booth without ridding yourself of Sunghoon's coat, a silent acknowledgement that your stay may be short-lived. You aren’t a snob but you have a cafe like this in your side of town and it isn’t somewhere you choose to occupy. 

Noticing your scrutiny of the surroundings, Sunghoon, with a laugh, takes a seat across from you, studying your expression, "You don’t like it, huh?"

Huffing, you cast a critical eye around the place, "Not really, no."

You were brutally honest, he’ll give you that, “Wait until you try their food and then judge okay?” He chuckles and hands you the menu on the table.

A waitress waltzes over with a pen and paper. She’s too beautiful for a place like this, her rosy cheeks and long flowing brown hair make you jealous, “Sunghoon! My favourite ice slasher, how is it going?”

While they engage in small talk you look at the menu looking for something safe to eat. Maybe you should just wait for Sunghoon to order and get the same thing.

“Y/N, you know what you want?” He turns to you.

“Oh, so you’re the Y/N?” the waitress grins. 

What does that mean? How does she know your name? When you glance at Sunghoon, you notice his intense stare fixed on the girl. This is strange. The waitress seems to pick up on Sunghoon's unspoken communication, smirking as she says, "I mean, you're Kang Minhee's sister, right?" She then slowly turns her attention to you.

Ah, that's how she knew. He must have spoken ill of Minhee and you enough times for her to recognize you. Fueled by this assumption, you shift into defence mode. "Yeah, I am," you reply sharply, your expression hardening as you lean back, raising your eyebrows and waiting for her response, half-expecting her to be rude to you.

Strangely, the waitress's expression brightens. "It's nice to meet you, Y/N. Can I get you anything?" Her voice carries genuine warmth.

Now you feel a bit guilty. She seems genuinely nice.

"Uh," you glance at the menu again, uncertain of what to order. "What's good?"

Sunghoon intervenes with a smile. "She'll take my usual," he tells the waitress as she departs. Ordinarily, you dislike when men presume to order for you, but in this instance, you're grateful for the assistance. "It's just a plain cheese and ham panini with tomato, pesto, and hot sauce. It sounds simple, but it's delicious."

You expected Sunghoon to be a burger and fries kind of guy, but with his physique and strict regimen, you should have known his tastes would lean towards the healthier side of things.

“Did you order a drink with this ‘usual’ or am I supposed to just swallow it dry?” 

“Comes with diet coke and a lime.” He says timidly, now for the first time he is self-conscious about his food choice. Sunghoon would like nothing more than to chomp into a pizza and a full-fat Pepsi but with National’s coming up at the end of the year, he needs to stick somewhat to his meal plan. In hindsight, he should have ordered you something you might have liked. What did you like? He didn’t even know that simple fact, “Do you want something else? I can change it.”

“No it’s okay, I’ll trust your judgment,” You relax into the booth, “Shoot me if i’m being too straight forward but don’t you have enough money to go like, I don’t know, somewhere nicer than this?” 

Raising his hands in a gun motion he pretends to shoot you and you fake a wound in your shoulder. It’s nice to be playful like this, Sunghoon hasn’t had this for a long time, “You know how to ask a question, Sweets.” 

He then shrugs and looks around the cafe, not unlike how you were doing earlier but his eyes aren’t filled with distaste; they’re shining in fondness.

“It’s where my dad would take me after practices. Mum would never let me come here once I started aiming for professional level, too much grease and too many carbs.” He recalls a time his mum had him on a diet at 11 because he wasn’t flying high enough and a frown appeared on his face, “My dad though, he wanted me to be at least somewhat a normal kid so every Wednesday when mum worked late we would come here. Eat whatever we want and then pop a breath mint in the car.”

Sunghoon’s features are mixed with hurt and fondness, “Sorry, about your dad.” You offer your condolences.

When Sunghoon was 15 his dad died of a heart attack right before the Junior Championships and it broke him to the point he didn’t want to skate anymore, it wasn’t fun because his dad was always the one to cheer him on. His parents had their roles, his mum was strict and direct, getting him to train hard and achieve his best. And his dad was the reliever, encouraging him to have fun and let loose, be a kid. With one half of the balance scales gone, it was difficult for Sunghoon to maintain any adolescent normality. Perhaps that’s why he’s so fond to have you around.

In the silence you speak up, “You know your dad used to sneak me a packet of Haribos nearly every competition.” The boy's head whips to look at you and tilts, a knowing look on his face, “Yeah, and every time he would say ‘With everything so sour, we deserve something sweet’.” You smile at the thought.

“I-, he was kind like that.” He wants to say more, but he stops himself.

His dad was the nicest man in the whole world. When you found out the news that he passed away, you cried a little. Your mum being your mum she didn’t understand it, claimed you didn’t know him enough to mourn. Regardless of how well you knew him, people who were so kind and loving don’t deserve to be taken from this world so quickly.

You see the look on Sunghoon’s face lighten up a little, the shadow over his eyes washing away and when he looked at you, the sparkle came back, “So, you can’t hate this place or else I can pull the dead dad took me here card.”

“Fine. I love it.” The words feign mocking when in actuality they are full of understanding.

The waitress from earlier brings over the drinks in a frosted glass with a lime wedge on the rim, “There you go! Added extra ice for my Ice Prince.” 

My. She could have said ‘The’.

It stirred up something within your chest. Jealousy? Okay but why are you getting jealous over this? You don’t know because you aren’t exactly his and you have never been the threatened type, so you don’t know what’s going on with you. 

“Food will be right out!” She hops away and she is back in a flash with the Paninis. 

What you don’t expect is Sunghoon to take both of them and add some condiments, opening up the middle to pour a slight bit of salt and some mayonnaise. 

“Excuse me, I don't need your hands all over my food.” Crossing your arms you wait for him to stop but he doesn’t. Instead, he shows you his hands, stretching them over the table.

“Look how clean they are, Sweets.” They are clean and oh-so pretty. Suddenly you’re jealous of the food that receives his touch, wishing it was you. You need to get a grip, first the waitress, and now a piece of toasted bread are the objects of your envy.

It’s like your crush from when you were little came back tenfold, with every second you spend with him that little innocent pash is turning into full blown infatuation. Now with added hormones, it’s like you’re drawn to him more than ever. It’s scary how quickly you fell back into your feelings, whatever they were.

“Y/N?” He brings you back to reality with his low voice, retreating his hand, “Lost you for a minute there.”

Passing you the food you thank him, “Sorry, happens a lot. I tend to overthink literally everything.” It’s a confession you haven’t let pass your lips. Not ever. “I learned to control it as I got older but if I’m upset I can’t stop it 99% of the time, even if it’s something simple like putting salt on this food.”

Sunghoon sees you physically overthinking what you just said. It’s the exact same face you made when you were inches from kissing him. 

He understands the situation earlier a little better now.

“So what’s upsetting you now, Sweets?” He asks, “You said you didn’t feel good enough, what happened?” 

Shuddering, you remember your words. You’re embarrassed that you blurted out your feelings so readily, “It’s nothing.” Then you remember, “Why did you think it was my mum?”

“If your mum is anything like mine, and I guarantee she is, then I don’t ‘think’ it was your mum, I know it.” There’s an empathy shining in his eyes, “What did she do?” 

“I got some good news, and when I told her about it,” Sighing, you try to aggregate your feelings. Sunghoon’s hand makes contact with your forearm as he sees you struggle. The soothing motion of his thumb calms you instantly, “she just dismissed it. Like my achievement wasn’t up to par with Mini’s.”

“What was the good news?”

“Nothing major I guess. I’m the top student at my University for the year and I’m receiving an award.”

Sunghoon is furious. Your mum had downplayed your achievement and now you don’t think it’s a big deal and he wasn’t having it, “Y/N. You go to Yonsei, right?” Once you nod he continues, “Then that IS major, what are you talking about?” 

“It’s not exactly a Championship medal.” Your shoulders slump.

“And?” Squeezing your arm he tries to make you see past your mother and her shitty attitude, “Some people would think your achievement means more than one of his, does that make Minhee’s less than yours?” You mumble a quick ‘of course not’, not grasping what he’s saying, “Then why do you think that way about your award? Sweets, it’s fucking amazing you should be proud of yourself.”

You are, it’s your mum who isn’t and that’s what you can’t get over. 

Instead of answering back you avoid the conversation altogether and start eating the food in front of you. 

One bite has you falling in love with the taste, the pesto combination with the cheese and parma ham melts in your mouth and makes your tongue dance. You owe this shabby place an apology.

Triumph etches onto Sunghoon’s face as he sees the same fireworks behind your eyes that he had when he first tried the food. He knew you’d like it.

“Oh, my days.” You stare at him wide-eyed, one hand covering your mouth. Never will you doubt him again.

“Told you.” He smirks and eats some of his own, the familiar aroma and your face make his chest fill with glee and gratification, “I’ve just learned two things about you in this last minute.”

“And what’s that?” You question, taking another bite.

“You love the food here and will never question my taste again,” Your eyes are still on the food but you nod to agree, “And you’re an avoider.”

What is that supposed to mean? 

“An avoider?” 

Sunghoon leans back and picks up a tissue, cleaning the crumbs from his fingers, “You changed the topic pretty fast when you didn’t want to have a conversation you’re uncomfortable with. You can’t accept what I’m saying is right, your achievement is just as mighty as all of Minhee’s and it IS a big deal.” 

Arguing with him about it is pointless. Does it mean you won’t though? No.

“It’s not that I'm not accepting what you’re saying,” it is, he thinks to himself,  “I just don’t need to air my drama or feelings to someone I don’t know.” 

“Believe it or not, asking questions and having conversations like this is how you get to know people,” Sunghoon pushed the food to the side and leaned forward, “I just want to get to know you.” 

You challenge him by matching his posture and leaning on the table, “Whatever happened to, oh I don’t know, what’s your favourite colour?”

“White. See, easy right?” He’s smug. Sunghoon isn’t trying to pressure you to answer the question, he just thinks if you speak about the issue, it’ll alleviate the burden. A problem shared is a problem halved after all. “How about you ask me anything at all, and I’ll answer it because I know that’s how you get to know me.”

“Anything at all?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why didn’t you kiss me earlier?”

Stunned. Shocked. Astounded. Whatever other synonym he could use, that’s exactly how he feels right now. For the first time in his life, he is speechless. How do you keep doing this to him? Never has anyone been so forthright with him.

Seeing his cheeks flush red and eyes dart around as if finding the answer in his brain you know you’ve won, “Not so eager to speak now, huh?” 

Exhaling, Sunghoon sits back, “You looked like you were going to pass out,” He begins his answer, “You got in your head about something and it made you second guess.”

“I was thinking about Minhee.”

Sunghoon’s face shrivels, “Sweets, I know we’re compared a lot but I didn’t think he’d be my competition with you too?” Sunghoon’s voice is playful but he is worried about the next words out your lips.

Stretching over the table you slap his chest, “Ew, no that’s disgusting! Don’t even think like that!” You’re appalled at even the inclination, “It’s just that, you’re Park Sunghoon, you said it yourself he’s your competition,” He goes to say something and you stop him, “in SKATING. You’re so disgusting.” Laughter fills your booth, food and drinks forgotten, “If I ever kissed you he would freak the fuck out.”

The boy across from you knows exactly what you’re talking about, more than know, “If Minhee wasn’t a factor, would you have kissed me back?”

“Yes.”

Responding before your brain has a chance to filter the words is also a downside to your overthinking mind. So many thoughts in one brain make it easier for slips like this to happen, but you aren’t too concerned about this one, he probably already knew you would have kissed him back there if you weren’t preoccupied with contemplation.

Just as you think you’ll get to speak about what transpired earlier, the waitress comes over to take your plates away, “All done?”

Sunghoon nods and goes to pull out his wallet to pay but as he pats himself down to find it, he remembers it’s in his coat - the coat you’re still wearing “Uh, Sweets?” He points to his coat trying to tell you it’s in there.

Smirking you search the inner pockets to find a Prada wallet. You could have some fun with this.

“That’s okay, Hoonie, I’ve got it.” You pull out a few £20 notes and hand them to the waitress, “It’s my treat tonight, didn’t I tell you that? Only the best for my hard-working man.” Making kissy faces at him, his face goes red and his lips go in a thin line. 

It wasn’t the fact you just paid £80 for a £12 meal with his money, although that will be addressed later on, it was the nickname and calling him your man that has him trying to control himself. The sweet albeit lightheartedly jeering way of your words made his heart tight in the best possible way. If there was a button board on Sunghoon’s chest, filled with all his emotions like annoyance, lust, happiness, solace, and aggravation, you had pushed every one of them tonight.  

Laughing you put the wallet back into his coat. He looks so cute when he goes red like that, it almost makes you want to treat him like an actual princess or stuff him in your pocket. Either way, you wanted to look after him in some form or other.

“Are you quite done now?” Sunghoon gains back his composure as he watches you chuckling away to yourself.

Suddenly, nothing was funny anymore when your phone goes off, flashing your brother's name on the screen. 

You have to go home and Sunghoon knows it too, “Y/N, I would keep you out all night if I could, but Minhee might send out a missing police report if I do.” 

Now that you’ve somewhat spoken the issue out loud, you think you’re being a bit over the top about it all but your body still has the overbearing weight placed on your shoulders. Facing your mum right now was the last thing you wanted but you know you can’t avoid her forever. 

“I’ll text him. He thinks I’m at Rina’s place telling her and Allen the news.” Quickly standing up you type a generic reply back, telling him you’ll be home soon.

Sunghoon keeps two steps behind you while you walk out of the cafe, his arm hovering by your side to guide you as you text and walk at the same time, he waves goodbye to the waitress and she wafts the cash in her face, fanning herself with his hard-earned money. All he can do is laugh and show his disbelief at her flaunting through his expression. 

“There. Sent.” You put the phone into Sunghoon’s coat pocket. You’re almost at his car when you hear him speak up.

“Hey, Sweets?”

“Hmm?”

Sunghoon grabs your left arm, twirls you around, and presses his lips against yours.

The action knocks the air from your lungs and your eyes widen. Park Sunghoon was kissing you. His palms cup each of your cheeks, his lips moving against yours as he backs you up until your back hits the side of his car. This is what you wanted back at the rink, to have the feeling of his mouth moulding to yours, except it was better than expected, it felt like heaven.

He can't seem to get enough of you as he fervently kisses your mouth, his tongue sliding along your lips, eliciting a soft moan from you that's music to his ears. It was a daring move to kiss you so suddenly, and in an ideal world, he would have asked for permission first. But he knows that might have sparked another bout of overthinking from you, and he couldn't risk losing this second chance to kiss you tonight.

Sliding his hands into your hair, he gently pulls your head back, granting him better access to your open mouth, deepening the kiss. Lost in the sensation of your lips, he doesn't even notice the subtle movement of your fingers dancing along his waist until they settle between his lower back and the top of his ass.

At this moment, nothing could stop you from kissing or touching him.

Except, perhaps, one person.

Your phone vibrates, indicating an incoming call, but you're too entranced by Sunghoon's lips and tongue to notice. Pressing his body against yours, he traps you between him and the car, the sensation of his hips against yours causing you to instinctively grind against him, using your hands to pull him closer.

However, in the intimate closeness, he can feel your phone vibrating against your body. As much as he wants to ignore it, he knows you can't. "Sweets, your phone," he murmurs between kisses, his hands dropping from your hair to reach into your pocket, even as your lips continue to chase after his. "It's Minhee; you better take it."

No way has he cock blocked you twice in one night.

Grumbling, you take the phone from Sunghoon and answer, “Hi Minhee…No, I wasn’t ignoring you, I was putting on my shoes…no no, you don’t need to pi-”

You pause mid-sentence when Sunghoon starts kissing your neck and squeezing your waist. What does he think he's doing? Glancing down, you catch his eyes sneakily looking up at you. Attempting to push him away only results in him biting down, his fangs teasing the verge of breaking skin. In any other situation, you might have found it hot, but with Minhee yapping in your ear, you don't have time to appreciate it.

“Look, I’m on my way home…I’ll walk, it's not that far…seriously, Minhee- Oh,” you moan involuntarily when Sunghoon kisses your sweet spot, and once he's found it, he doesn’t stop licking and nibbling, “Hoonie, stop it!” You remove the phone from your ear and whisper-shout at him.

“I love it when you call me that,” he smirks, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

Hearing Minhee’s voice come through the phone again, you lift it back up to your ear, “What? Oh, I stubbed my toe, look I’ll be home soon alright…Yes, Allen is here…you know he and Rina are together. I’m going to go, see you soon.” Hanging up, you sigh in exasperation.

Giving Sunghoon a few light whacks, you demand, “Why did you do that?” You're almost certain Minhee heard him, or at least now he might think you're hooking up with Allen.

Bringing his face back up to yours, Sunghoon just shrugs and kisses you again with as much fervour as before. His lips are addicting, and you don’t want to stop, but Rina lives 20 minutes from your house if you walk, and this cafe is at least a 30-minute drive. “Sunghoon, I need to go back,” you say between his insistent kisses.

“How long do I have?” He needs to know how long he can indulge in this before having to let you go.

“Not even a second. I’ll already be late even if we leave now.” When his forehead falls on yours you see the pain on his face, like you’re depriving him of a basic human need.

"Don't say that, tell your friend to phone and say you're staying with her tonight." Sunghoon can't stop his lips from capturing yours again. It's as if he's had a taste of you and doesn't want to give it up, especially now. His hand teases the waist of your trousers, tempting to dip in and touch you where you desperately need him.

Personally, you would love nothing more than to call Rina up and get her to lie, she would do it in a heartbeat but Minhee would never believe it, “I can’t. I never stay over when he has practice in the morning. Mum never wants to make a stop off to pick me up.”

“You’re killing me here.” He states breathlessly, his fingertips dancing down to your pussy as he ghosts your neck with his breath. He’s waiting on you to give him the green light but you are far too concerned about getting home.

He suddenly hates your mum a little more than before. If it wasn’t her dismissing your accomplishments, it was her inability to put you on her priority list, “Can’t you just skip his practice? He’ll have more, trust me he needs it.”

“Don’t ruin this.” You warn him from speaking any more about your brother. It does bring you back to reality just who you were kissing, but you can’t focus on that right now, your only concern is getting home.

Sunghoon apologises by kissing you again, this time more gently, like it came naturally to him, “I need to go home. No excuses.”

It isn't what he wants to hear, but he has to accept it. Stepping away from you, his gaze remains fixed on your lips, which are lush and swollen; he can only picture what they would look like if he had more time to toss you in the back seat. His mind immediately returns to you with the lever, and to be honest, he could throw a tantrum right now over the situation at hand. It was unjust that he couldn't just have you, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever get the chance again.

Moving to his side of the car he slides in and you follow suit. He uses the excuse of buckling your seatbelt for you to give you another kiss and it has you internally giggling and kicking your feet.

You do the same to him, grabbing the seatbelt from him and clipping him in, leaning over to press your lips against his soft ones. 

“All I need is 5 minutes,” He whispers against your lips and you laugh, swatting his chest. 

You can’t say you don’t ponder it, and when you see his hard on poking so slightly against his trousers, you look at the time and really wonder if you could, but you can’t risk Minhee even getting a whiff of this, “Next time.” 

Sunghoon's eyes change from desire to hope in real time, "There'll be a next time?" His cool and confident demeanour fades and is replaced with puppy-like grin as he realises you want more than what you had tonight.

“If you get me home in the next 25 minutes there can be.” You pose and with that, Sunghoon drives out of the car park and down the highway going 10 above the limit.

Reaching closer to your house you put a hand on his thigh as you speak, “Better to drop me off here, so Mini doesn’t see you.” You also have to fake that you walked home from Rina’s so if a big fancy car starts pulling up outside your house, he’s going to know something is up.

Sunghoon takes your hand on his thigh and brings it to his lips, maintaining eye contact with the road as he stops at the curb of your neighbour's house 2 doors down. His grip tightens on your hand as he looks at the time, “Got you here in 27 minutes, Sweets.” Proud of himself he adorns a smile that splits his face in half.

Tutting you pout at him, “I guess there can’t be a next time, so sorry Hoonie.” His stunned face was worth holding in your laugh to act like you’re serious, “If only you had gotten here 2 minutes quicker.”

“Come on,” He exasperated, “There were like 10 red lights in a row.” His thumb points back to where you just drove from.

It’s true, it was bad luck, but you liked playing with him like this. 

“Sorry, see you at the rink yeah?” You unbuckle your seatbelt and turn to get out your side of the car, but Sunghoon isn’t letting it end here.

He stretches over to shut the door back over making you gasp, startled by the sudden move, “You don’t want to be a thief do you?” You think he’s going to hit out with something cheesy like how you stole his heart of something, but when his hand grips the coat you’re wearing you understand what he means, “Bad enough you gave my money away but now you’re trying to steal a £500 coat?” 

Perplexed by both the price and the unexpected accusation, your mouth hangs open. No wonder the coat is so cosy and warm—it costs most of your month's paycheck. Exiting the car, you impishly mutter a 'fine' as you remove the jacket, placing it on the passenger seat before walking away, feeling considerably colder than before.

Just as you reach the vicinity of your house, Sunghoon calls out, "Sweets?" You spin around to see him jogging up behind you, holding your phone. Ah, you put it in his coat pocket after Minhee's call. Taking it from his grip, you thank him, only to be surprised again when he says, "You also forgot this." What else did you even have on your person to forget?

Sunghoon's mouth quickly meets yours for the nth time tonight. A kiss. You forgot to kiss him.

Sighing, you realize you have to put an end to it. Lingering out in the open so close to your home practically guarantees Minhee will see. "Hoonie."

"Shh," he hushes you, continuing the kiss, "I know, but let me have it since there won't be a next time." A fake sad look takes over his face, his hands running up and down your sides.

"Ugh fine, since you gave me my phone I suppose I could spare you some time."  Crossing your arms, you act irritated, while his 'sadness' transforms into a self-satisfied smile. That was the dynamic between you both, always giving what you got, and you wanted to explore it more, no matter how difficult it was.

“See you at the rink then, Sweets.” Messing up your hair he skips back to his car like a kid on Christmas. He was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. 

Spending these past few hours with Sunghoon was like nothing you had ever experienced before. He knew how to wash all of your worries and woes away better than some people you’ve known for years. And when he kissed you it sent shooting stars through your body. If only 8-year-old you could see what had just happened, she would burst with excitement.

With a smile on your face, you rapidly run into your house and up the stairs, trying to be quiet but also too lost in the dizziness from Sunghoon’s kisses. As you reach the top of the stairs, Minhee opens his door and gives you a quizzical look. Oh no, he didn’t see, did he?

“Why do you look like you won the lottery?” Phew, he hadn’t.

“Just, excited about getting the award, that’s all.” It wasn’t totally a lie, he would see right through you if you started to babble out any other excuse so you had to stick to something believable. You are happy about the award, there isn’t a doubt about it, but Sunghoon reassuring you throughout the night made you stop and acknowledge how happy you really were to receive it. Your mum was the one that ruined it for you.

Minhee follows you when you walk into your room, “Y/N? You know I would be there if I could right?” Facing him, you see how sorry he looks about the situation, “I tried to phone the company to move the filming but they can’t.” Of course, he would try to move it for you, that was the kind of brother he was. 

A surge of guilt overcomes your body. Here he was trying to move his schedule around, a big important schedule might you add, and you were out there kissing the one boy you shouldn’t be. If Sunghoon wasn’t such a threat to Minhee, you think they could go back to being somewhat friends, but that’s never going to happen.

“It’s okay, Mini. I know you can’t just cancel it.” Your voice is reassuring but his features still hold hurt.

“It’s not okay, Y/N. You’re the most important thing to me in this world, I want to be there for your big moments like you’ve been there for mine.” You could cry. Minhee wasn’t the type to show his emotions so being on the receiving end of such words makes you tear up a little, “Hey, Bubs, don’t cry.”

He hasn’t called you Bubs in so long, the childhood nickname growing out as you both got older. There was a bond between you and your brother, other siblings used to say how envious they were.

“I don’t want to speak ill of our mum but she was a bitch tonight. I should have said something.”

Shaking your head, you wipe your tears and look down before speaking, “Mini, it wouldn’t have helped.” Your voice cracks and your throat closes a little, “She’s always like that anyway.”

“It doesn’t make it right.” He says disapprovingly. 

Minhee pulls you into a tight hug and you instantly relax. Your brain starts to overthink everything again. The lack of proudness from your mother, the kisses from Sunghoon, and the brotherly affection you’re currently receiving. Could you have it all? Getting to know Sunghoon tonight, you don’t think you can leave it where you did. There was something there between you both, you fit together like skates to ice.

“I am so proud of you, Bubs.” Minhee strokes the back of your head, “and I might not be able to go to your ceremony, but when I beat that prick and come first at Nationals? I’m dedicating that to you. I promise you that.”

That prick…Park Sunghoon.

You couldn’t have it all.

taglist: @heelee-01 @zerasari @beomgyusonlywife @iwaplant @monstanctiny21 @chiiiiiiiiis @minniejenseo @run2gyuz @jngwnlvs @haelahoops @capri-cuntz @nctislifue @jaehoonii @weyukinluv @skzenhalove @enhypenlovre @cherriruto @ariadores @chwesuh-imnida

#enha smut #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #aj writes #sunghoon smut #park sunghoon smut #enha fluff #sunghoon x reader

[hazbin-a-helluvamagines]

Heyyy I'm sooo happy that you're back ! I hope you're doing ok now ! Make sure to take good care of yourself.☺️

if it's not too much, can we have some Verosika and fizzarolli headcanons with a lil sister reader (platonic obviously)

"Little Sis" ; Fizzarolli, Verosika Mayday

Look. You're probably the only one he actually kept around after the whole incident with the circus and following him into his employment with Mammon.

You get to see him at his absolute worst, when he's struggling with Mammon, the abuse, the exploitation, you get a front-row seat to every breakdown and panic attack.

And he had the desire to keep you out of that life. Forever. So he'd never let you attend any performances or shows where Mammon was present.

You could see him at Ozzie's, see all the cool songs and tricks he could do, but other than that? He didn't want to risk Mammon scouting you as potential talent. He thinks he'd go insane if something ever happened to put you in the position he's in.

"But Fizz, why can't I ever see you at the Clown Pageant?"

"Y/N, it's... It's not a nice place. If it were, I'd let you, but... please. For me, don't argue with me. I don't... want you seeing what I do there."

Of course, reluctantly, you agree. If it's that important to him, he must be being truthful that there are things you'd just rather not see there.

But after Fizz quits? He shows you all the videos online of Ozzie protecting him. :)

Speaking of!! You get to meet and chill with Ozzie! A total gentleman towards both you and your big brother, and you can see the way Fizzarolli's face flushes whenever Ozzie holds his hand or makes a sweet compliment.

Honestly, Asmodeus is one of the few people who's been able to make your brother smile and laugh throughout the duration of his absolute misery.

And of course, it's important for Asmodeus to meet his future sister-in-law!

You've spent your entire life making him happy. And now that he's free, he can finally return the favor. :))

Verosika's sibling? I doubt you're not part of her posse, and therefore, famous alongside her and her clique. Both in Hell and on Earth.

She calls you "sis", "bro", or "sib", depending on what pronouns you use.

"Hey, sib! Coco and Apple and I are going shopping, wanna come? Last one in the car's a fucking virgin."

She's a pretty irresponsible big sister, honestly. She'll swear, make innuendos, and take you places you probably shouldn't be. But the second someone actually tries some shit on you, it's over. Those heels of hers are rather painful when embedded in someone's dick, after all.

You were with her through her breakup with Blitzø, and you, like Fizz's sibling, also got to see her at her worst. Baggy hoodies, runny mascara, ice cream, filthy hair, depression... The works. She never meant for you to see her like that. It was jarring, and she knows it, to see someone so confident and sweet become so broken and petty.

But on the plus side, she ended up giving you a ton of things because she wanted to try and salvage all the relationships she already had, with you, with her posse, hell, probably even with your guys' parents.

She's also super protective of you. As a succubus in Hell, she knows better than almost anyone else how touchy and unwelcomely handsy others can be with your kind. So she always makes sure to have some pepper spray on her, at the very least, plus teaching you the whole 'keys between the fingers' trick.

"Okay, so you stick each of these keys between your fingers... Yeah, like that! And then you punch 'im in the dick. And if it's a lady? Ditch the keys, purple nurple her."

It's honestly a bit eerie how well-versed she is, but hey, it's Hell, a girl's gotta protect herself somehow. And she'll be damned if her little sibling can't do it, either.

You have your spats, but deep down, the both of you love each other. Nothing could change that.

I hope you enjoy never sleeping, though, because damn, her karaoke nights last forever- At least she can sing, I guess-

#helluva boss x reader #verosika x reader #helluva boss verosika #verosika helluva boss #verosika mayday #helluva verosika #Verosika Helluva #hb verosika #fizzarolli #hb fizzarolli #helluva fizzarolli #fizzarolli helluva boss #helluva boss fizzarolli #fizzarolli x reader #helluva boss x you #helluva boss x y/n #helluva x reader #helluva boss #helluvaboss

[twisted-gremlin]

So uhhh

Twisted Wonderland Yandere Purge AU

The ideas here stem from @yanderemommabean and @blughxreader for the og creator and some excellent world biulding- so here I am- just adding this to a gay ass mobile game

Yan Twst students x Reader

Twisted Wonderland, is a... odd world. Filled with magic, odd creatures, and the sort. It's the perfect place for a loner nerd like yourself to be!

The school and the land in itself feels so nostalgic to you. Things that you learn about each town, city, and country, just make all sorts of sence to you.

Then... you got 22 red letters. Grabbing one at random you open it to read the contents of what's inside.

Dear Shrimpy♡

Here we have this thing called the Purge. It's comes from the rose place, so we also do it here since teens tend to often get someone they adore so much that they just rip out the troats of whoever they talk to♡

Whops~ I said the quiet part out loud~

Do wait nicely for me when the day comes, it be soon♡ I can't wait to squeeze you tightly and keep you close forever♡

Love,

Your favorite Eel♡

Ok- the purge. In this fuckin Disney ass world?- do they even own that- I guess they own half of all media so MAYBE- (nope, it's own by Universal)

Opening the other letters there was more talking about this purge, and how that they are going to keep you here forever and keep you safe.

What the fuck?-

Grim was in the corner happily snacking on 22 tuna cans.

"Grim"

"What is it henchman, can't you see I'm haveibg the feast if a lifetime!"

"Uh-huh- and- do tell me- who gave you all that tuna?"

"You know- all the guys that we helped out and kicked the asses of"

"..."

"Yeah- along with Ace and Deuce. They seemed to be getting along- witch was odd'

"Crap they are teaming up- oh no- that means-" others are probably teaming up too-

Not good not good-

Let's see here so it's people that I know-

We have Floyd as 'your favorite Eel' and he called me Shrimpy so obvious giveaway-

Fuck Tsunataro also signed it in his Nickname and called me child of man. He dosent know much about this, so thar could be either safe or very dangerous

Two your queens- oddly enough- but probably Vil and Riddle

One that called me Waifu/Husabando/Spouseu signed by Gloomurai

A big sis/bro/sib from someone, seemingly young so maybe ortho- witch isn't at all good

Two knights, one calling me their dream

One written in shakespirian for whatever reason

... I just realized this one has feathers and a shit ton of money in it and called me their jewl

One of the more scaryer ones just says I'm comeing, dont fight it

And more oddities.

Well, might aswell use that cash that, maybe Kalim? Sent me to get some defense. Or maybe bribe Azul- scraych that, Floyd and Jade are after me.

I don't want to hide in town and get them hurt...

Oh what to do- what to do-

Knock

Knock

Knock

"Child of man?"

#twisted wonderland #twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere purge #yandere purge au

[iamatinydinosaur]

I really like your Branch x little sibling reader requests, and I don't know if you request are open, but if they are, I was wondering could you do one based on the first film, where lil sib is taken by chef along with the snack pack (maybe because they heard the commotion and were trying to help people) and obviously they're saved in the end and everything turns out ok, just the perfect mix of angst and fluff, if thats ok, please and thank you.

A/N: Guess what it's my birthday in a week!!! 23rd of January and I'm not ready!!

🐾Branch x Sister Reader🐾

You hear screams. You promised Branch you wouldn't go near the party, but you couldn't just sit here while there was danger. You jumped down the tree you were stargazing in and ran towards the commotion. You saw the cook Bergen put the last member of the Snack Pack in her fanny pack. You gasped, watching the cook go for Poppy. You ran full speed and shoved her out of the way.

Poppy skidded across the dirt, colliding with another Troll. Poppy propped herself up with her hands looking up at the cook and watched in horror as she saw you get grabbed by the cook. You looked terrified. "Branch!" You screamed, but it was muffled because she shut the zipper of her fanny pack. Poppy knew Branch was gonna brag he was right, but as soon as he finds out you got taken. She's dead.

"Branch! Branch! Branch!" Poppy yelled banging on the rock outside his bunker. "I told you I'm not coming to your party!" Branch glared at Poppy. "Branch it's your sister." Poppy mattered. "She got captured saving me." Poppy gasped as Branch pulled her into his Bunker. "She what!" Branch shouted. "I'm sorry, she wasn't even at the Party." Poppy said. "What did I tell you! I told you that the Bergens would find us. But you didn't listen! Now the only thing in my life that gives me meaning has been taken!" Branch screamed, punching a wall. Poppy watched as Branch broke down. You were all he had left and now you're gone. "I'm going to rescue them and Y/N. Please come with me." Poppy pleaded. "Fine. But only for her." Branch grumbled going to pack supplies.

The whole journey was hard. Not for the dangers. For Branch being so cold to Poppy. He knew that the Bergens would come one day. He just couldn't believe you got taken. Ever since your Brothers left you two and Grandma died, you two only had each other. It hurt him so much with everything that happened, but it hit you worse. You lost your colors too. But you were more depressed than Branch. You had only started opening up recently, becoming your old self. Now you're gone.

The two Trolls sat around a camp fire. Poppy looked at Branch, feeling really guilty. Branch has his head in his hands as he thought about you. "Branch we'll get her back." Poppy whispered. "How do you know that Poppy. She's all I have. You don't understand what we have gone through! What she has gone through! Now she's been taken by her biggest fear. All because you guys wanted to be so happy and Party all the time!" Branch burst into tears. He couldn't lose you. Poppy got up and hugged Branch. He would normally push her away but he just let her hold him while he broke.

Timeskip

"Branch!" You exclaimed as you saw him and Poppy in front of your cage. Branch ran over to you. He grabbed your face as he inspected it. He stared at your features. You started crying, you thought you'd never see him again. "Please let's get them out of this!" Branch said. Him and Poppy opened the gate to the cage. You sprinted out and ran into the arms of your big brother crying. The whole time you were in there you couldn't stop having flashbacks to the day Grandma died. You've been having constant panic attacks. The snack pack tried consoling you. However, they knew you just needed your Brother.

Branch held you tightly. "I'm never letting you go again." Branch whispered burying his head in your hair. He was so happy to finally have you back. "I know you told me to stay away. But I heard screams. I couldn't just let them be in dang-" You started but Branch shushed you. "Hey I'm not mad. I'm proud. Despite being terrified of Bergens you still risked your life to save Poppy from one. I'm so proud of you." He whispered.

From now on you're never allowed to leave his side or sight.

A/N: I hope you liked it. I love writing Branch as a protective big brother I have so much fun.

#trolls band together #brozone #branch trolls #branch x sibling reader #poppy trolls #snack pack trolls

[wannaeatramyeon]

Lookism as your Older Sibling

G/N. Fluffy and stupid. Goo with influencer sib, Gun with Yakuza sib, Protective big sib DG, general Ten Genius interaction (Crystal, Kouji etc.)

Goo with Influencer Younger Sibling!Reader

Goo regrets introducing you to Crystal.

Especially when you talk work, NewTube and Influencer shit and he has no idea what's going on.

Especially when you two whisper and giggle like school children, excluding everyone else from the conversation.

Especially when you two gang up on him, the uncool older brother. Which is ridiculous by the way. Because by what measure on earth, in the goddamn universe, would Goo Kim be considered uncool? People would pay to know him!

Well. People would pay more to know you. People do pay for your meet and greets but whatever. Who's keeping count anyway.

(You and Crystal hated each other at first sight. Goo expected it and gleefully introduced you anyway, knowing Crystal hated attractive people. Hypocrite, much?

You had rightfully called her out on it, along with some other choice names. And though it didn't help with her prejudices, she did grow exceedingly fond of you.)

But, he thinks as he watches you both, it is nice to have the Business Genius take you under her wing. To have you two tittering away together and Crystal looking out for you.

"Come on loser, let's go for lunch!" You beckon your big brother over and Goo resists the urge to shove you out the window. Who's a loser?!

Not Yandere!DG with Younger Sibling!Reader

"And who is this school friend you're meeting at the arcade?" DG regards you coolly, eyebrow arched and arms folded.

"James!" you pout, "Can I go or not?"

"How many times must I tell you to stop calling me James."

"Fine. Diego," and a giggle bursts out of you. It does every time you have to say his stupid new name. "But it's so silly."

His cold demeanour cracks and his lips lift, "You picked it."

"Yeah when I was like, nine," you roll your eyes, "I didn't think you would actually use it."

It's the same song and dance you two do every time. A nice reminder of everything you have both been through. And though everyone tends to call him DG now, whenever someone calls him Diego, all he can think of is your wide smile and big eyes as you told him how much you loved that name all those years ago.

Now? Well. The years have passed and the wide smile and big eyes are replaced with a sullen teenage expression more often than not.

Still. It's you and him against the world. How can he not be protective over you when you're the most precious thing in the world.

"Dieeeeego, please!"

But it doesn't hurt to loosen the tether now and then.

"Fine but text me and-"

"Be back by 10pm. I know!" You reach up to give your brother a kiss on the cheek then sprint out before he can change his mind.

"9pm!" DG shouts, just before hearing the door slam.

Gun with Younger Yakuza Sibling!Reader

Power skirmishes between siblings are not uncommon. Even with the hierarchy and principles of the Yakuza, unrest and violent backstabbing is to be expected.

Gun realises this. Is forever grateful that he can leave all the troubles of Japan behind knowing that you are at the helm of the Yamazaki family.

That with stepping foot back into Japan, into the family home, power is easily and smoothly handed back to him.

No troubles, no quarrels, no headaches.

"Yuzuru!"

Gun hears your scream before your thundering footsteps. Barely manages to brace himself for you throwing your weight at him, hugging him tight and welcoming him back.

Honorifics and formalities completely forgotten. Just a brief moment between two siblings. Gun hardly ever returns your embrace, though he does give you a small smile. Two of the most revered and feared people known this side of Asia and yet-

"I've missed you big bro!" You grin at him, blood smeared over your kimono and now all over his white suit too. "Some guys were out of line. I put them in their place for you!"

He gives you a small nod.

To say thank you, I trust you, and it's good to be back.

You, the Lil Sibling of the Geniuses

(DG, Goo, Gun, Kouji, Crystal)

"Here," DG hands over a piece of autographed merch to you. From some k-pop flavour of the month, the current No. 1 in the charts.

He usually wouldn't do this but when he first said no, Crystal, Kouji, Gun and Goo whipped their head around at him.

(Frankly, it is eerie how in sync they all are when it comes to you.)

Individually threatening him with breaking every bone in his body (Gun), with dying his ugly hair uglier (Goo), with deep fakes (Kouji) and with plummeting his share prices (Crystal).

Fuck's sake. He was only joking. Like he ever says no to you anyway.

.

.

.

.

Crystal and Kouji exchange worried looks.

A four way brawl won't end well, especially when there's such a power discrepany. Sure, you're strong, but compared to Gun, Goo and DG. Well...

It's only a matter of time before someone, likely you, gets seriously hurt.

.

.

"I fucking told you," Gun snaps at Goo as the blonde holds his hand up in surrender, eyes darting over to you in concern.

"Sorry sweetheart!"

DG sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. As the eldest here he really should have foreseen this coming. But when you said you wanted to test your strength, to see how you measure up-

He really really should have said no.

"You fucking idiot," Gun turns on you, examining your broken arm carefully, "Did you forget when we broke your leg?"

"N-no," you sniffle because goddamn it. It really fucking hurts. In a small voice, "I thought I was stronger now..."

"You're not."

"Don't talk to them like that!" Goo snaps, joining your other side and patting your hair gently. "But," and he grimaces, "You're not."

"It's my fault," DG adds, taking in the scene before him as Crystal and Kouji now come rushing over with the on-site doctor.

If there's one thing Gun and Goo can agree on-

They both nod.

Yeah, fuck DG. It's not your fault (it is). It's all his fault (it's not).

#man i dont get the crystal hate #i will change the narrative to whatever suits me lmao sorry #lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #goo kim #gun park #kim joongoo #park jonggun #lookism dg #lookism james lee #wannaeatramyeon #lookism fic #lookism fanfic

[threadsun]

Fishie Asks: "its time. its happening. im asking it. how would the swsdj+bo (and barry ;3 ) react to the reader having brother issues, and wanting to call them big brother/ getting called little sister/brother/sibling/ etc. -fishie (WOE. HARD KINKS BE UPON YE FOLLOWERS"

Rent lowering shots, thank you fishie!! We are shaking hands vigorously over our family issues and turning it into kinks :3c

Content: incestplay, dirty talk, kinky shaming, roleplaying, fingering, oral fingering, virginity kink, riding, degradation, cnc

Jack:

"Pretty—hah—filthy of you, Sunshine." Jack's head hangs down next to yours as he fucks you from behind, his long hair tickling the back of your neck. "Wanting your big brother to touch you like this. To fuck you like this. Have you really been fantasising about this?"

Your fingers grasp at the sheets beneath you, barely clinging onto the last of your coherence as his cock pounds into you. "Y-yes! I... I love to think about getting fucked by you, big brother!"

"Well," his breath is warm on your neck as he picks up the pace, fucking the last shreds of awareness from you. "How can I say no to my sweet little sibling?"

Ian:

"A-Ah call... call me that again... please!" Ian's voice is something between a desperate whimper and a gasp, his face pressed into your neck as he fucks you.

You wrap your legs tighter around his waist, fingers tangled in his hair. "B-Big bro! Big brother, please! Please, fuck me harder..."

You hear him just barely breathe a soft "fuck" against your skin as his fingers dig into your hips and he thrusts faster into you. "You're so... y-you're so tight..."

"W-we shouldn't be doing this! I'm your little sibling, you shouldn't be f-fucking me like this!" Your words produce the desired effect as Ian cries out and puts his whole weight into fucking you.

Shaun:

"You sure you don't wanna call me dad?" Shaun asks with a grin, fingers crooking inside of you. "Big brother just sounds so... dirty."

You whine, clinging to his shirt as he cradles you. "Shaun..."

"No, no. It's big bro now, lil sib!" He ruffles your hair with his free hand, fingering you nice and slow. "Come on, you're the dirty little perv who wanted to fuck their own sibling, you can't get cold feet now. Not when I'm in big brother mode, and you look so good taking big bro's fingers..."

You whine again. "Shau—ah!" He crooks his fingers and tuts at you. "F-fine... big brother... please let me cum!"

"Much better! But not yet, lil sib. Big bro needs to fuck you first~"

Nick:

Nick's fingers explore your mouth, rubbing against your tongue as he fucks you into the couch, chest firm against your back. His voice is a low, husky timbre in your ear. He's fully immersed in his role.

"Shhhhh, gotta keep quiet kid. Don't want mom and dad finding out what we're doing. They wouldn't like it. Big brother, fucking his little sibling's tight, warm, virgin hole. No, no, they'd try to take you away from me. And we can't have that, can we? No, siblings have to stick together. Siblings need to be close. Like we are. We're nice and close, aren't we? This'll be a fun little secret between us. You can keep this secret for your big brother, can't you?"

Joseph:

"I don't really know..." Joseph watches you straddle his lap with a frown. "I mean, I've never been... I don't... I just don't think I'd make a good big brother."

You snort, running your fingers soothingly through his hair as you begin to ease yourself onto his cock. "Can't do worse than my actual one. We don't have to if you don't want to, but... I just think it'd be nice to have a big brother who takes care of me for once..."

Joseph closes his eyes and lets out a deep groan, and it's hard to tell whether it's more to do with you sinking down on his cock or your words. Either way, his hands grip your hips tight as he watches you bounce on his cock. "Fuck, okay. Okay, I'll be your big brother. God what a lucky big bro I am..."

Jean:

"Can't believe my little sibling's a fucking slut." Jean's fingers tug harshly at your hair, pulling you off his cock for just long enough to take a shuddering breath before pushing you back down.

"What would mom and dad say if they saw this? Saw you gagging on your big brother's cock. Just begging me to shove it down your throat. You can beg and cry all you want, but I could tell you wanted it. Call it a big brother's instinct. But the way you run your mouth all the time, of course you were just waiting for me to shut you up with my cock. Isn't that what all annoying little siblings want? To be a disgusting little fleshlight for their big brother?"

Rory:

"Big brother? Didn't realise my little sibling was so kinky~" He's already feeling you up with a lazy grin, squeezing and groping. "But hey, with such a hot lil sib, can you blame me for wanting to fuck you? Now say 'thanks for fucking me, big brother'."

You can't help the little squeak that slips out as you press into his touches. You hadn't expected him to get right into it. Especially not so... enthusiastically. You can feel his cock hardening against your thigh already. It seems like he's just as into the idea as you are...

"Thank you for fucking me, big brother~"

"Good, now get your cute little ass on the couch so I can fuck you properly."

Barry:

"You should be more grateful, you know." Barry's voice is frustratingly even despite having you bent in half over his desk, fucking you from behind. "I gave you this job. Do you think I would have hired you if you weren't my little sibling? No. So bend over and take it."

"You're my big brother, you shouldn't be doing this!" The tears springing to your eyes are half fake and half from the sheer pleasure he's pounding into you in harsh, quick thrusts.

"What, big brothers aren't meant to fuck their little siblings? Too bad. Now be quiet and take it, or I'll show everyone what a little slut you are, getting fucked senseless on big brother's cock like this."

Bo:

"A-ah, Bo!" Your voice is a desperate gasp as his nails dig into your hips, mounting you and fucking you hard and fast.

"What's wrong, runt? Can't handle it?" His voice is a growl, speaking between harsh nips to your shoulders and back. "Come on, this is your job. The runt of the litter is here to get fucked by their bigger, stronger siblings. I'm just taking what's mine as your big brother."

"Bo—ah!" You gasp and shudder as he bites down hard on your shoulder. "Big brother, please! It feels so good..."

"Good," he snarls against your skin, tongue laving over the deep bitemark. "Gotta make sure everyone knows you're my runt."

#swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #dachabo #sdj jack #sdj ian #sdj shaun #sdj nick #sdj joseph #sdj jean #sdj rory #barryposting #sunny day jack x reader #ian duff x reader #shaun durand cofer x reader #nick herraras x reader #joseph haberdae x reader #jean laurent x reader #rory rainberry x reader #Barry the Manager x reader #bo x reader #gn!reader #18+ only #sunshine #fishie

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Gon/Killua x Big Sib Reader)

Decisions: Alternate Ending

An: The alternative choice to the cannon path in our story. The only reason I didn't have Y/n stay behind is because there would be a lot less story and character bonding moments between them and the boys. Like most of the Chimera Ant arc would've been skipped over and what I have in store for the Chairman Arc wouldn't fit with this path. Buuuut- I do love my angst so here you go 🫴

-----------------------------------

Your eyes widened at the angry spike of Aura from Gon. The power radiating off was a shock to your system. Immediately snapping you out of your shock. Yet you could only watch in horror as that thing turned around with a grin.

No.

Not again.

YOU WERE NOT GOING TO LOSE ANOTHER KID

In an instant you were up and out of Kite's arms. Staggering harshly from the wound on your side. You quickly clasped your hands together, forcing every ounce of nen you had into them.

A mass of nen strings wrapped tightly around the ant. It's malicious aura lashing out. Trying desperately to overpower yours.

And it was working.

"RUN! HURRY! I CAN'T HOLD THEM FOR MUCH LONGER!" Your voice nothing more than a rasp. Straining painfully with the damage done to it.

"NO! WE'RE NOT JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU!" Gon protested.

His own furious aura not helping you focus. Your strength was fading by the second. If you slipped up now, you were all dead.

It also didn't help to feel the hesitance from all three of them. As if trying to come up with a way no one would be left behind. But that simply wasn't possible.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the ant releasing even more of its aura. Turning around with a bit of effort against your hold. It met your eyes with a childlike glee.

"I can already tell...This is going to be fun."

You could feel your heart pounding against your ribcage in fear.

Those eyes, they had nothing but bloodlust behind them. So empty and cruel.

"GOD DAMNIT! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Kite looked over to the boys then back to you. You would not be able to beat this thing. Maybe if you hadn't been injured you would've stood a chance. If he had been able to see its first attack coming. You were no match for it now.

He prepared to summon Crazy Slots, but a burning sensation consumed his wrist. Your promise. He was supposed to get the boys out of here if you fought. Or else he'd lose his nen.

But he couldn't just leave you when he knew you'd die. Not after everything. Those kids were strong enough to make it out of here if he stayed.

No.

He would just be dead weight without his nen. Nothing but a burden to you in this fight. No matter how badly he wanted to believe the opposite.

You were making a sacrifice, and he had to honor it. He just hoped you would be able to find a way to escape.

With that, he darted forward and tossed the boys over his shoulders. Setting a fast pace just as the ant broke free.

"HEY! LET US GO! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!" Killua shouted, trying to wriggle his way out of Kite's grasp.

"TURN AROUND! WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM WITH THAT THING!" Gon screamed, pounding on his back this time.

But he didn't listen to either of their cries. He couldn't afford to. If he did, then none of you were going to make it out of here. And as the Ant's aura spiked to an overwhelming peak, he pushed himself to run faster.

Kite wasn't nearly as fast as you, but it would have to do for now. At the rate he was going, they'd reach the border by daylight.

He could feel your nen at last vanish from his wrist. The conditions had been met. It was you who had stayed behind after all.

-----------------

When you'd first summoned your nen, Pitou was intrigued. So far, they hadn't met anybody else who possessed the ability to do so. You were a Rare. Maybe the humans with you were Rares too? The possibility made it all the more exciting.

When you broke a tree in half and used it to swing at them, they were thrilled. They didn't know humans had the strength to do that. And when it actually hit them, Pitou found themselves temporarily winded. Another first with you.

But when daylight broke and you collapsed mid attack, they were disappointed. Sure you'd been getting weaker the more you fought, but they assumed your stamina was running out.

This wasn't stamina.

It had to do with the gashes on your side.

How sad. You'd bled out before they got a chance to beat you.

"Hmmm. Seems my new toy is broken. What a shame, I was really having fun." They mumbled to themselves.

Pitou approached your limp body and pulled you up by the scalp. Staring into your now dull eyes with a frown.

"I wanna do it again. I wanna experience that dream like moment again. Where you were my equal, and you made me question if I was gonna win. I want that again."

They let go and watched as your skull slammed against the ground.

"But you're already dying. No, you might already be dead. It's no fair." They whined.

They continued to stare down at you, wondering what to do with your limp body. The last of your red blood leaving your corpse. Then an idea struck Pitou.

"Yes, I think I'll do just that." They mumbled before dragging your body away by the arm.

----------------

"WHY WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE THEM!!! YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT A FIGHTER!!! YOU KNEW THEY WERE STRUGGLING ENOUGH AS IT WAS!!! SO WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU BASTARD!!!!"

Gon had to hold Killua back from lunging at the silver haired hunter. The anger was something Kite had been expecting. These two loved you dearly, so to leave you behind wounded...He didn't blame Killua for being upset.

And although he wanted to provide the boys with a bit of comfort, he wasn't you. He wasn't a nurturing person. Never had been. The same words coming from you would be blunt and cold coming from him.

But he had to try.

He promised you.

Whereas Killua was furious, Gon was frustrated. He didn't care if this was for their own good. You were injured, and that thing was still there with you. You all should've fought together or die trying to take that ant down.

He said he wouldn't leave anyone behind, and he had failed. He said he wouldn't leave you behind. A feeling of guilt starting to weigh on his shoulders.

"We have to go back for them. You don't leave your friends behind to die. We have to go back." Although you weren't a friend. You were the protector. Family.

Kite couldn't help but notice the way Gon spoke just like you. 'You don't leave your friends to die if you know you can save them.' It was bittersweet in a way.

If Kite hadn't given you pushback that day, maybe things would have turned out different. Maybe he would've been able to stay behind and help you defeat that ant.

But it was too late to change the past.

He could only move forward. He didn't need the boys to like him, but he needed them to understand.

"When you make a promise to your friend, you keep it. We agreed that if you two were in danger, someone would stay behind to make sure you got out okay. And I'm sorry, I really am, that it was Y/n who chose to bear that responsibility."

You'd chosen to fight.

But it seems his explanation wasn't enough for them.

"Liar! They would never just leave us! If you're a coward, then fine! But me and Gon are going back!" Killua pushed past him, anger radiating in waves.

Kite had tried talking to them like kids, like you. Now it was time to talk to them like adults.

"If you go back there right now, you'd be making a selfish decision. They gave up their life for yours, and you wanna waste their sacrifice for your own piece of mind. You'd only end up getting yourselves killed for nothing."

And once again, his words had gone in one ear and out the other.

"They're not dead. Y/n wouldn't die that easily. So don't you ever say that again." Gon warned.

It was like talking to brick walls. But he couldn't really blame them for being in denial. A part of him believed you'd be fine, too. A hope that somehow you'd stumble your way out of the NGL.

For now, he needed contact his team as well as the association. If he was lucky, an extermination team was already on the way.

-------------------

The amateur hunters were beyond believed to see Kite standing before them. He was okay. And as the seven of them reunited, they couldn't help but feel eyes on them.

The boys.

And their expressions looked almost sad.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. You weren't there. You hadn't come back from inside the NGL. They weren't as fortunate to have their mentor standing before them.

But before any of them could offer words of comfort, one of the three hunters with them decided to speak.

"What the hell is this? Family outing gone wrong?" The one with sunglasses taunted.

The two boys glared him down, silently daring him to say it again. Kite could only offer a drained sigh. Already dreading the conversation to come.

"We were ambushed by one of the queen's royal guards. It had already learned how to use nen. Judging by the power it demonstrated, I'd say it's about as strong as a zodiac." He explained.

The hunter with sunglasses only scowled. But before he could throw in another sarcastic remark, the one in the suit took over.

"People overrate things that they can't understand. And that is a perfectly natural response."

These men were irksome. Already full of themselves despite not even seeing the ant face to face. But if they were the best the association had at the moment, Kite would just have to put up with them.

However, he was surprised when Killua of all people defended him.

"Overrate? You wanna tell that to our big sibling who could hardly hold them back!!!! You wouldn't even last five seconds with that ant, so shut up!" He snapped.

"So you left them behind to fend for themselves like cowards? Just ran away with your tail between your legs? And you call yourselves nen users." The one with sunglasses chastised.

This wasn't good. They were getting nowhere by arguing amongst themselves.

"It wasn't my choice to run away, and the reason why is none of your concern. Our friend is still back there. Their life is more important than petty squabbling. Destroying the nest is more important than standing around yelling about who's right and wrong." Kite scolded.

Today had already been enough without everyone at each other's throats. A level head was needed. It'd be so much easier if Netero stepped in and kept the two hunters in line.

Luckily, they finally seemed to get a grasp of the situation without their ego.

"Fine. Anything we should know about your friend when we find them?" Morel grumbled.

It was a start.

"They were wounded badly before the fight even began, so if they're alive give them immediate medical treatment."

"And if they're dead?"

However horrible it was, all possibilities needed to be considered. There was a high likelihood you didn't make it. It was wise to be realistic instead of hopeful.

".... Bring back the remains for a proper burial.."

But the mention of you being dead had quickly caught Gon's attention.

"They're not dead." His tone was final.

Like he truly believed you'd be okay. And if the opposite happened to be true, then he'd surely break.

"Now that kid's got spirit." Morel praised.

"Their name is Y/n and they've been injured really badly. They've got three gashes on their side, so please find them and bring them back safe."

There was nothing else he or Killua could do. Out of respect for your wishes. Even if it looked like they weren't listening before.

They had.

But they were still hurt.

--------------

Netero's explanation was simple: in order to enter the NGL, the boys would need to get the other halves of their game pieces. They had exactly one month to do so.

The air became tense once the extermination team left. With Gon and Killua standing away from Kite's team. He knew he wasn't on the best of terms with them anymore, but you left their care in his hands. He owed it to you.

So he had no other choice but to stay with them for that month. Maybe longer depending on if you were found. Well, he did have a choice, but it didn't feel right to leave them by themselves.

To navigate this grief alone.

"We'll see you in a month for sure?" Spin questioned.

"Preferably, but it just depends. I'll need you all to keep researching the Chimera Ants in the meantime. Find out everything you can about them. Especially how long it takes the king to hatch after a royal guard has been born. Can you handle that?"

"You can count on us. Be safe, Kite." Banana assured.

"I will."

Now the hard part would truly begin.

He could already feel the hostility radiate from Killua as he approached. And just when he was starting to warm up to him. But it was a valid response.

They were still just kids, after all.

"What do you want? Shouldn't you be leaving with your team, or do you just wanna rub it in our faces more?"

He had your temper, that's for sure.

And he knew the best way to get around it was to have patience. It would be the only way they were going to survive the month.

"I promised Y/n I would take care of you in their place. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. You can be upset, but that doesn't change the fact you need training." It came out harsher than Kite intended it to.

"We don't need your help. I sure as hell don't want it." Killua spat out.

Yet as he realized his choice of words, he froze.

'Language!'

It was like he could hear you. Your scolding. Damnit. He knew you wouldn't have wanted him to be mad at Kite. No, you liked him too much for that. You probably would have said something about focusing on the future, instead of what was in the past.

But he was just too mad to care.

He took a few steps before he was pulled back. He turned around with a scowl. But it was Gon who stopped him.

"Killua, we're not strong enough to do this by ourselves. We can't afford to be stubborn right now. And Y/n chose Kite. They trust him, so you gotta too. Do you think they'd be happy with you being mean to someone they cared about?"

No, no you would not be happy.

It was frustrating.

Killua wanted to hate Kite for leaving you behind, but he just couldn't. He was mad at himself for freezing up. For being too weak in the first place to help.

He knew it wasn't the silver haired hunter's fault, not entirely. For you. He was gonna give him a chance for you.

"Fine, but mess up one time, and you're out." He warned, making sure to point at Kite.

And that was enough. He didn't need the boys to love him the way they did you. Their trust would be enough to get through this.

It was a proper start.

—----------------

The first few days had been awkward. Trying to settle in as well as cope with your absence. The small home they occupied was quiet. Kite not wanting to press any boundaries yet.

He'd give the boys time to recover mentally before moving forward.

They seemed to be feeling better on the fourth day. Opting to search for clues on Morel's pupils instead of sitting in silence. 

They'd run into a woman named Palm that day. Turns out she was the other hunter's pupil: Knov. Her objective was the same as theirs. And even though she was on their side, there was something off putting about her. 

Especially as she absentmindedly continued adding sugar to her coffee while talking.

All three of them silently agreed you would've disliked her. Something foreboding radiating off.

"And I thought Y/n liked sweet things." Gon noted once she left.

"Yeah, she was just eating wet sugar at that point." Killua agreed with a shiver.

The mood had significantly lightened. Conversation flowing easier now that they had something to distract them.

"You know it's not nice to judge a book by its cover." Kite lightly scolded. 

A quirk of the brow from Killua let him know it didn't come out as blunt this time.

"Yeah? Well I am, and the cover's screaming 'Weird Lady Who'll Probably Kill Us In Our Sleep!'"

He had to disguise his laugh with a cough. Gon other hand, was cackling along with the other one. It was the first time they smiled in days. Things wouldn't be as tense now.

They made their way back 'home' after paying for their meals. Well, Kite had payed for them after much protest from the duo. 

"You can't buy my affection, I'm already rich." Killua pouted.

"Yeah, we can afford it so don't worry," Gon agreed.

"Then you'll get the next one. Think of it as a way of making amends."

It was a plausible explanation, but not the full truth. It was just a habit to take care of those around him. It'd become one after looking after the amateur hunters for so long. He didn't mind it.

It wasn't expected of him, but he preferred to either way.

He stopped abruptly in front of the door. Sensing a dark presence inside. Perhaps an ambush from Morel's pupils.

"Something wrong?" Gon asked.

"There's someone inside." Kite warned. 

"What do you mean there's someone inside? Are we being robbed or do you think it's…" Killua started.

"I can't say for certain, but keep your guard up."

But before any of them could move, the door quickly swung open.

"AHHH! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR HOUSE!" Gon screamed, now hiding behind the taller male.

"I thought it would be better if we stayed together. We'd have a better chance of killing Morel's pupils this way." Palm explained.

"So you just broke in!?!" Killua accused.

"You weren't here, so I decided to let myself in."

Alarm bells were ringing. She really thought what she did was justified. 

"Hey, substitute sibling, do something about the scary lady." Killua whispered, tugging on the sleeve of Kite's shirt.

Now the Y/n response would have been to tell her off and send her away. You always did have a knack for getting people to listen to you when you were mad.

However, Kite wasn't confrontational by nature. He wasn't a fan of the effort it took to argue. And at this point, it might've been a good idea to take all the help they could get. Still, it was wise to be cautious around Palm.

"You'll be staying with us for the month?" He asked.

"But of course, we are teammates after all. Though I have to warn you, I might not be so pleasant by the end of the month. You are positive they'll be able to kill Morel's pupils, right?" 

He didn't like the way her aura darkened. This woman was unstable. No wonder her mentor left her behind.

"Just don't get in the way and they'll be fine."

The boys spared him nervous glances, not exactly thrilled to be sharing a space with Palm. The more on edge they were, the harder it'd be to get them to focus on training. 

The objective just became even more difficult.

—----------------------

The first week of training had gone about as well as Kite thought it would. The boys had potential, they just needed the experience to go with it. Challenging them to a fight only further proved it.

Gon was too reckless, relying too much on his Jan-Ken instead of focusing on his surroundings. The amount of time it took to charge up left him wide open for attacks. It also used a lot of nen to start up. Energy he could've been using for other attacks.

Killua, on the other hand, was too cautious. Hesitating everytime he made a move to strike. Staying purely on the offense to try and read Kite's movements. But it wouldn't make a difference if he kept to the sidelines. Waiting for an opening instead of making one. 

There was a lot of work to be done if they even had a hope of beating Morel's pupils. But it wasn't just their strength they needed to work on. It was also their minds. They were too distracted. Auras weighed down by grief.

They missed you, but they wouldn't get anywhere by worrying about 'what if's.'

The second week had been a bit easier, with both boys making corrections to the way they fought. However, there was still something a bit off with the small assassin. 

While he was getting faster, he was still incredibly hesitant. Going in for a hit and backing away last second. It was during one of 'these attacks' that Kite noticed something.

There was a malicious aura near his forehead. Something dark with a feeling of bloodlust. Was there something planted inside of his head? Who would do something so cruel to a kid?

"Time out!" He called, making sure to unsummon his Crazy Slots.

"What? Did you hurt your hip or something, old man?" Killua teased. 

It was one of the many remarks Kite chose to ignore. Though this one was in more good faith than the previous ones. He gestured to the center of Killua's forehead.

"There's something there. Did your family put a tracker on you by any chance?" Because that was the only plausible explanation for what it could be. It was the only thing Kite could fathom being the reason.

But as Killua's face dropped and he started frantically scratching at his head, he realized it was much more than that. 

Fingers digging into flesh as a needle was slowly pulled out. His first instinct was to try and patch up the new wound. His second was to ask just what the hell that was. What did it do?

"Damn, he really got me," Killua mumbled.

"Don't tell me that's Illumi's?" Gon asked, eyeing the bloodied needle.

"It is. That's why I haven't been able to fight properly. I kept hearing his voice telling me to run away." 

So he knew the person that did this. Kite didn't know if that made it better or worse.

"If you don't mind me asking, who is Illumi?" He questioned.

"My big brother. Y/n would have hated him."

Definitely worse. What kind of monster would implant a needle into their little sibling's head? And why was Killua acting like it was normal? What other cruel things had he gone through to be this desensitized?

Maybe he understood your protectiveness a bit more.

"Hey, don't tell them about this when they get back, okay? I don't wanna stress them out." Killua added.

It was always a matter of 'when' with you. Not 'if.' Because for whatever reason, they refused to consider the possibility of you dying. And maybe Kite started to believe it too. It made things a little easier to pretend you were still okay.

It made moving forward easier.

And unbeknownst to him, that was the moment Killua gave him his full trust. No longer bitter towards him for leaving you. He was finally able to accept that it was your decision to stay. That Kite would be a good match for you.

He already put up with all of his tantrums, after all. Giving nothing but patience. And Killua appreciated it.

He already knew Gon forgave him long ago. How even though he was upset, was still grateful Kite stuck around.

He may not have been you, but he was doing a great job so far.

Kite had called it a day, telling the boys to get cleaned up before dinner. Although he wasn't too fond of Palm's presence, he was thankful she offered to make them food after training. His thoughts couldn't help but drift to you now that he was alone.

Did you ever cook?

It was embarrassing to think about you that way. Your affection for each other was mutual, but it didn't have a chance to go any further than that. So why? Why was he starting to wonder what it would be like to have you as a partner? To be able to explore these feelings.

It was best to push those thoughts down for now. Not to get his hopes up.

He hardly noticed when Plam approached him, her voice slightly startling the silver haired hunter.

"I do hope I'm not rude for saying this, but I'll let you decide how to train them." She started.

"However, if after a month we determine it would be impossible for them to defeat Morel's pupils, I sincerely doubt that I would be able to restrain myself."

At that Kite tensed up. Sensing her aura get darker by the second.

"What do you mean by that?" He was a bit worried about her answer. Especially since she'd given the same warning at the start of the boys' training.

"I must go to the NGL. I want to go right now in fact. If I'm forced to wait and wait and wait and then I don't get to go...Then I may end up killing you all." 

He quickly unleashed a protective aura.

"You won't lay a hand on those boys." Up until this point, he thought Killua's joke was just that. An exaggeration. He didn't really think Palm would act out on violent intentions.

But that was proven to be wrong. If she tried anything, he wouldn't hesitate to put a stop to it. Their safety was priority number one. 

No matter what, nothing would happen to those boys.

"I don't want to hurt them, which is why they should give up sooner rather than later. My rage won't be as bad as it would be then." Palm explained.

"They'll win, and even if they don't, you won't do a thing to them. Not on my watch." He sent her a small glare, singling the end of the conversation.

Palm didn't push any further.

Dinner was an experience that night. It started off with an innocent request from Gon that soon turned into chaos.

"Hey Kite. When we get Y/n back, is it okay with you if we spend the first day with them?" He looked a little embarrassed to be asking.

It made sense. The boys missed you like crazy. Who was he to deny them of catching up with you? Still it was odd Gon was asking for his permission.

"I don't see why not…Why do you ask?"

Nothing could have prepared him for his next choice of words.

"Well, I know you two really care about each other. And Y/n really likes being around you. So I wanted to make sure we'd get to spend a little time with them, too."

Kite sputtered over a response, not expecting the boys to have been so observant of your actions.

"Look, we're not even-" But Killua cut him off with mischief littering his aura.

"That reminds me! We gotta set some ground rules if you're gonna be dating our big sibling."

Kite's face went even redder. The last thing he wanted was to discuss your relationship with a bunch of kids. And you weren't even dating! 

"Please don't."

But did they listen to his plea? No. 

"No kissing or hand holding. None. I'll bite you if I see it."

"And no flirting with other women or men! If you make them sad I'll bite you." Gon added.

There had to be a way out of this conversation.

"I think my team's calling me." He tried to get up and leave, but was once again stopped by the sound of Killua's voice.

"Hey! We're not done talking to you! No stealing them away from us when we wanna spend time with them! You'll have to go somewhere else!"

Yeah maybe he understood why you called them demons so much. They were a bit more lively than he was used to handling. More persistent too.

But he couldn't deny enjoying their company.

He could see why you cherished your little family so much. 

"Dad! Don't leave!" Gon whined before slapping a hand to his mouth. 

Oops. He hadn't meant to say that. It was an honest accident. But Kite really was the closest thing he ever had to a father. He felt it more than ever this past month with the way Kite was taking care of them. 

Stern, yet caring.

Very different from the way you treated them, yet very similar. So while he hadn't meant to call him that, a small part of him felt that way.

Yet Killua's immediate teasing didn't help ease his embarrassment.

"You gonna stop looking for Ging now?"

He'd just barley missed the way Kite's eyes softened at the word.

---------------

They'd won.

They'd actually won and defeated Knuckle and Shoot. Both boys being completely exhausted from the ordeal. But they'd be damned if they weren't the ones to go into the NGL and get you back.

Seems even Netero was surprised by outcome.

Nevertheless, a deal was a deal.

By morning, Kite and the boys, along with Palm, were on their way back to the entrance. Meeting up with the rest of the extermination team before heading towards the nest.

The floors were empty, the ants having already evacuated. The King must've already hatched. They were too late to stop his birth. 

The various 'rooms' in the nest were vacant. Except one, which caught the attention of the boy in green.

"Guys!" He called out. 

The others entered the room, disgust quickly overtaking their expressions.

In that room must've been hundreds of giant meatballs. To the side of them were mountains of clothing and various accessories. Meaning those things…They were made of humans.

Killua picked one of the balls of meat up, inspecting it with a frown on his face. These poor people.

Gon approached the pile of clothes and froze. He picked up one singular article of clothing, catching Kite and Killua's attention.

This was your shirt. The one you'd been wearing throughout the expedition into the NGL. Soaked through with blood. And was that-

Your shoe.

Just one. Because you had thrown off the other one when you crushed that ant's skull. 

But surely it was just a coincidence. And they would've believed that had Kite not picked up what looked like his hat.

The one he gave you when you'd gotten upset with him that night. 

You'd been here.

"Y/n??" Gon cried in disbelief.

"Oh god, no please! Y/n!" Killua shouted, grasping desperately at Gon for support.

Was one of these balls of human flesh you?

Just like that you'd been killed and fed to the queen? Leaving not even your body for them to find. Just the remains of your clothes. 

And what about if you were still in this room? What could they do if they didn't even know which one was you?

All this time fighting.

All this time spent getting stronger.

And what was it all for if you were already dead?

"I'm so sorry boys." It was the only thing Kite could think of to say. Too shocked to properly give them any comfort. Because he'd believed you were alive too.

He figured if you died, there would at least be remains to bring back. Or maybe it would have been better if they found nothing at all. Because this...

Seeing what the ants did to humans to prepare them for the queen's consumption.... Horrific was the only way to describe it. 

This was your fate.

He should have stayed.

He should have gotten you out of there.

He should have tried to fight with you.

You didn't deserve this.

And the ant that did this to you would pay.

---------------------

They spent another two months training. The boys inconsolable after finding out what happened to you. The only thing keeping them going was the thought of defeating the ant that killed you. 

And once again Kite had stayed. Sharing their ambition, but not wanting them to be consumed by it. Killing that thing wouldn't bring you back.

It might help them feel better, but you wouldn't have wanted them to dirty their hands with revenge.

Yet their resolve grew along with their strength. Preparing to enter East Gorteu and finish off the Chimera ants once and for all.

—-------------------

Knuckle and Meleoron were fighting with Youpi. Morel was distracting Pouf. And Netero just left with the king. Meaning Pitou was by themselves. The cat ant responsible for your death.

"Keep your guards up, and don't let your emotions get the best of you. The ant will use that as an opening to end your life. Got it?" Kite instructed.

Both boys nodded before starting to approach the turret's entrance.

But something was off. It was eerily quiet. The night still…until a being jumped down from the top of the tower.

All three of them immediately jumping back as the debris cleared. It was another ant. This one dressed head to toe in armor. It produced a strong Ren, yet it wasn't malicious. 

"Go any further than that and I'll stop you. I would prefer not to end children's lives, so run on home." It spoke.

And although the voice was muffled, something about it was familiar.

"We're not going anywhere, so get out of our way!" Gon shouted before lunging forward with a punch.

The ant easily dodged it, jumping to the side from another attack by Killua. 

"You two should've waited," Kite scolded before summoning Crazy Slots.

"TWO!"

Kite glared as his scythe appeared.

"Damn, not a good spin." 

But before he could use Silent Waltz, the ant jumped on top of the gigantic blade and kicked him square in the jaw.

They were fast.

He skidded a few feet before charging forward. The boys following suit, yet this thing was very skilled.

Ducking away from a slash and skittering back from one of Killua's lightning-based attacks. Grabbing both of Gon's hands and throwing him across the bridge.

"We'll never get past this thing!" Killua shouted, glaring the armored ant down.

Kite couldn't help but notice something about this enemy.

It didn't make a move to attack them from a distance. It stood guarded, yet still as Gon approached once again. And when he passed a certain point, then and only then did the ant strike.

But not with the intent to injure him. 

Just keep him back.

It was protecting something. Pitou perhaps? If they could just distract it long enough…

"Boys, you know when to jump, correct?" 

"You have an idea?" Gon asked after getting tossed back for the fifth time.

"Yeah, just be ready." 

With that, Kite brought his scythe back, preparing to swing it. And just like last time, a heavy fog rolled in. But the ant didn't seem fazed. 

Almost like it could see through it.

Kite took a few steps forward before letting his scythe slash through the air. A cyclone of wind encompassed him. 

But it dispersed before it could do any damage. The ant making one swipe with their arm. The power from it canceling out his attack.

"That won't work on me!" It shouted.

"But this will! Jan-Ken-Rock!" 

A fist coated in a fiery nen made contact with its helmet, knocking it off. The ant tumbled to the side, not expecting Gon's punch. However, that wasn't enough to keep it down.

It got up with a scowl, and as they got a good look at its face, their hearts dropped.

"No…It can't be." Kite whispered.

"You-You-Why are you here!?!? We thought-!" Killua had to stop himself. Unbelieving of what he was seeing.

"Y/n!?! You're okay!?!?" Gon exclaimed. His being lighting up with relief, but before he could approach you, Kite stopped him.

"That's not Y/n."

Because even though it had your eyes, your tired eyes with familiar circles under them…Even though it had your face…. Even though it had your voice…. Even though it had your speed…

This thing was not you.

It couldn't have been.

You would never fight the boys. You never would've attacked them. You would've rather died than hurt them.

The fox-like ears on the side of your head were a telltale sign that even if it was you, you were a chimera ant now. Your purpose was to serve the king.

So for the sake of keeping his sanity, this thing was not you.

"Y/n, c'mon! Why are you fighting us!?! Why didn't you try to get away!?!" It was Killua who was pleading with you now.

But you didn't react. 

You didn't move an inch until the boys tried getting closer to you.

"I already told you not to come any closer. If you do, I'll have no choice but to kill you."

Your words felt like daggers.

You never would have threatened them.

"Don't you remember us!?!? You're supposed to be the big sibling and we're your little brothers! Stop pretending, Y/n!" Gon pleaded.

You gave an uninterested stare. Blank and emotionless.

"Why do you keep saying that name? Was that perhaps related to my human life? I'm sorry to tell you the person you speak of no longer exists. I am simply known as The Knight." 

It was your voice, but it didn't sound like you. 

"What did they do to you!?!? The Y/n I know never would have allowed these things to brainwash them, so what happened!?! Be mad at us! Something! Just stop acting like you don't know us!" By this point Killua was sobbing. Gon crying with him.

And the more you just stood there, the more they broke. They expected everything except this. Except seeing you face to face.

"Boys, stand down." Kite ordered.

He told them not to let their emotions get the better of them. He warned them to be prepared for anything. And if they couldn't fight something that looked like you, then bringing them here was a bad idea.

They just couldn't handle it. 

The both of them backed away from you hesitantly. Wishing for a way to get you to remember. 

"I'll distract them. You two need to be able to get past them. Pitou is definitely inside. If you can manage that, you'll be fine. If you can't, go home while you still have a chance."

The duo nodded begrudgingly. Wiping away their tears before preparing to run.

Kite lifted up his Scythe once more, eyes piercing through your own. He watched you prepare to attack, no longer defending.

Your familiar aura radiating off. 

But it wasn't you.

This wasn't you.

And even if it was, he had to do this. He couldn't afford to hesitate. He couldn't-

"I think I like you…Is that bad?"

He froze mid swing, giving you the opportunity to swipe his legs. Your hand poised to pierce his throat. Of all times to hesitate, it had to be the one where you intended to kill.

Time seemed to slow.

Seconds feeling like hours as the boys ran past before stopping. Turning around and watching as your hand inched closer and closer to Kite's throat.

He prepared himself for the pain, yet nothing came. He glanced up at you confused. And to his surprise, your expression matched his.

"Huh. That's strange. My body won't let me kill you." Your hand shook, fighting with yourself to move. Yet for some reason it didn't.

"Tell me, what kind of trickery did you use to stop me?"

And it was at that moment Kite realized even if you didn't remember, your body did. Your body knew him. It was why you never really hurt the boys when they were fighting you. He wanted to fight off the hope it gave him.

To kill you while you were distracted, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Because somewhere inside, you do remember. No matter what the ants did to you." 

The ears on your head flickered for a second. Your expression thoughtful. The hand ready to kill him being set down for the time being.

"What was I to you then?" 

Not what were you. Not who did you used to be. But what were you to them. To the boys, you'd been their big sibling. Family. To Kite, you'd almost been a lover. But undoubtedly, you'd been important to all three of them.

"Our friend...We were almost more than that."

You backed away completely. 

"Then I'll give you one more chance to turn back. I won't stop next time." 

All the hope gone in one full swing.

You were gone.

"Hahaha! Aww, did we break apart your family!" A voice laughed out. One that you tensed up at. Immediately kneeling on the floor.

"Lord Pouf." You addressed. 

The butterfly ant was much smaller than he'd been previously. Using his ability to split off into clones. He fluttered from above, cackling at the events that just transpired.

Kite glared at him while Gon and Killua prepared to kill him. Their current objective on hold. 

How dare this thing.

"Did I strike a nerve? Don't you three get it? No matter what you say or do, they'll never remember! We altered their brain to get rid of any memories they might've retained in their past life! It truly is a fool's game at this point!" Pouf explained with a wide smile.

But he really should have kept his mouth shut.

"You altered their brain?" Gon asked slowly. The darkness hidden away in his aura rising to the surface.

"It's your fault they're like this?" Killua added. His own anger leaking out.

This.....this was you.

And the ants had done something to your brain. The faint line of stitching across your forehead clued them in enough on what they had done.

All at once, three furious nens spiked. Consuming the entire top of the palace.

"Can you two promise me something?" Kite started. His voice eerily calm.

"If I'm able to restrain Y/n, promise me you'll take care of the royal guards. All of them."

"I'll take the cat," Gon said, crackling his knuckles as he stepped forward.

"And I'll take the butterfly. The real him." Killua wasted no time powering up to God Speed.

These ants really shouldn't have messed with you.

------------------------------------------------------------

MASTERLIST

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs

--------------------------------------

An: Nothing but fluff for the halloween special. Y'all deserve it after this one 💀💀💀

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader??? #big sib reader #older reader #found family #x reader #platonic

[bellafragolina]

AAAAAAAAAAA can I get Arven with an older brother who used to be his older sister. Who just, takes care of him because of the shit going on with their parents?

ooh my first arven!

🍓🍓🍓

You. . . you're Arven's whole world, outside of Mabosstiff. You're all he really remembers. With your parents both being too concerned with their research, you're left to grow up too fast, and become what Arven needs. With what you can remember from when Sada and Turo actually parented you, and with intuition, you become the sole trusted person in Arven's life, until the events of the game. You make sure his life is as normal as possible, and he loves you so

Arven is someone you love and trust deeply too. You're wary of the world, of adults and people you're supposed to be able to rely on. Arven is the first to know that you're not his sister, but his brother. He asks questions, naturally curious of what this mean now, but he hugs you too. He easily takes to your new pronouns and shows you the clothes he thinks you'd look best in, as his big brother

Once you both start attending school, Clavell takes notice to you both. He tries to reestablish a relationship, since he used to the be friends with your parents, but you keep your distance. Arven follows you too, which confuses and worries Clavell, until he finally learns the reason

You worry too, afraid your distrust will lead to Arven mirroring you, not making friends with his peers, nor telling anyone about the accident with Mabosstiff. You fret on how to make things better, but luckily Arven finds himself a group of friends.

And with these friends, he leads you out of your distrusting shell, into the light where people help take care of you, how he wishes you had be taken care of before, now seeing how much of your childhood you lost to let him keep his. You're his big bro, and he loves you so much

🍓🍓🍓

here we are! lots of firsts today!

~Renee

#arven x reader #big sib reader #pokemon imagines #pokemon x reader

[leewritestoomuch]

hiiii!! sorry if this is kinda specfic but could i rq neji and gaara + anyone else you would like with a reader (romantic or close friends type thing, up to you!!) that grew up with older siblings (a kind of big-ish age gap? like they were around 8 or so when the reader arrived) and the reader + their siblings are all competitive over ANYTHING, so they love to rub it into each other alot (like a "heyyy big sib, remember when i beat you in a match of rock paper scissors and you promised me hotpot? well i want to cash in my reward now") just like a 'healthy' siblings dynamic, they aren't scared of inviting [insert character] into these little games, cause they just want them to let loose a little,,, so kind of just fluff, kind of like character getting to know s.o/readers family outside of formalities or important clan thingies,,,,

Neji and Gaara (separately) with a reader who has Older Siblings

More specifically, a healthy relationship with those siblings.

Neji Hyuga

He’s just a little jealous.

He admires your dynamic with your older siblings

The way you all bicker, compete over food, etc.

And especially the way you all have each other’s backs. Your older siblings, despite being quite a bit older than you, might bicker with you like your close in age, but they have the clear older sibling role.

All of them protect you. (Like how they all warned him not to hurt you. He won’t, but he admittedly was scared)

He keeps his distance from all of you when you’re bickering or competing though because he made the mistake of not doing so once, and he blinked and suddenly he was in the middle of a food fight…

He pretends not to hear you when you ask him to defend you, because he’s not getting involved and used as collateral.

If all of you decide to go out to eat and purposely seek him out to go with you all because he’s “part of the family,” he will be so happy (inwardly, he doesn’t show it)

He ends up involved in random games you all play together, usually as your partner in those games. He’s tired, but he’s so grateful.

Gaara of the Sand

Reminds him of his older siblings once he recovered and amended their relationships.

He’s glad you’ve always at that support system. He knows how important it is and how nice it is.

You have a much larger gap with your siblings than he does with his siblings though, so he wonders how you guys have anything in common at first. It’s hard to see how somebody 8 years older than you would share your interests or hobbies or anything really.

There is a rather large gap between him and Temari and they get along fine though, so he takes to just watching you and your siblings from afar.

He notices how you all bicker and argue. You’re clearly competing, but you’re laughing.

Any mean comments are taken lightly and don’t go too far.

He finds himself smiling.

Until he’s being dragged by the wrist to split some sort of tie. He’s startled, but goes along with y’all and tries to help.

If your siblings ever refer to him as family, his eyes will light up. He’s so happy to be included.

#Gaara x reader #Gaara #naruto x reader #Neji Hyuga #Neji Hyuga x reader #gaara of the sand #gaara of the desert #sabaku no gaara #Neji #naruto #naruto shippuden x reader #naruto Shippuden #naruto shippuden neji #Naruto gaara #Gaara naruto #naruto Neji #Neji Naruto #Neji x reader

[chairwritexv]

Can i request platonic hc rottmnt little sibling reader who's admiring their older brother leo?

Like they love how cool he is, how calm in stress situations & how he even outsmarted big mama in battle nexus champion and counted for EVERYTHING.

Reader is trying their best to be just like them and this warms leo's heart and help him emotionally since reader is trusting him & looking up to him.

AFDJSJSJAJXH THIS IS SO CUTE

ok so

he has self-esteem issues and- you wanting to be like him???

AJFHSJSJS

it helps his mental/emotional health so much not even kidding

means absolutely everything

don’t stop mk? mk

shows off for you ALL. THE. TIME. (it usually ends badly)

it annoys the crap out of his siblings

oh my god

means so much

he is SO smug about it on the outside tho

but inside

he’s MELTING

and the trusting thing?

someone actually looks up to him??? and trusts him???

extra sibling points for you

ok but SERIOUSLY

he’s so used to his family NOT trusting him with plans it’s expected at this point but then his little sibling is ACTUALLY showing trust and love and even wants to BE LIKE HIM?.???

he’s platonically in love

youre now his favorite sibling

you definitely play with his odachi pretending to be him when he’s not around

but when he saw you??.?

ducking. melted.

ABSOLUTELY teaches you how to use them bc he doesn’t want you to hurt yourself

if you hurt yourself he will drop the smug-ass act and tend to your wounds which he learned from donnie

will ‘scold you’ (tells you not to do that even tho it wasn’t on purpose)

then immediately goes back to teaching you

loves it sm

means absolutely everything

will protect you with his life

i mean he would before but ESPECIALLY now

afdjsjskaja

bonus blurb thingie for being one of the first 3 requests below !!

you watched leo with awe in your eyes as he took down another foot clan member, his swords swing gracefully in the air as he decapitated the paper fiend, your eyes widening in wonder from behind the box as he did so. ok, so you weren’t technically supposed to be here. your brothers didn’t think you were ready to fight yet, which you were mostly fine with, but you just had to see your big brother leo in action!! he was your idol, basically. you looked up to him so much, he was just so awesome! you’d trust him with your life. i mean, you’d trust all your brothers with your life. but specifically leo. so, here you were. hiding behind a bunch of boxes and watching your brother kick ass. what could be better? well, maybe if that foot clan member hadn’t noticed you… the member’d snuck up behind you, ready to attack, unnoticed to you. you were too busy watching your brothers. until leo looked straight at you, his eyes, flashing to concern and worry as he used his swords to create a portal and jump through it. you tilted your head in slight confusion before you heard a noise behind you, you immediately turning around to see what it was. which was when you saw leo jump out of a portal and onto the foot clan member that was about to attack you. he swiftly cut the paper fiend in half, the paper bits flying around. after getting over the slight shock, you ran over and hugged leo, despite yourself. he jumped back, surprised before hugging you back. before he even had the chance to ask if you were alright, you’d already started singing his praises. “leo!!! that was awesome!!! thank you so much!! that was like- like amazing!! you’re like the best brother ever!! i’m gonna like- i-i’m gonna be like exactly like you when i’m older!!” as you rambled on, leo could feel his face heat up. he was awesome? someone wanted to be like- like him? you just gave the the confidence boost he didn’t know he needed. he didn’t say that, of course. he put on a smug smile and slung his arm around your shoulders, cutting off your rambling. “yep, i’m awesome~ c’mon lil sib, let’s get donnie to check on ya-“ “i’m fine-!” ”mmm, we’ll see…-“

hope you enjoyed! thanks for requesting !!

#chair writes #rottmnt x reader #platonic rottmnt #platonic rottmnt x reader #sibling reader #rottmnt x sibling reader #leonardo hamato x reader #leonardo hamato x sibling reader

[iwaasfairy]

┌─ “ ! „ TWO OF CUPS .03.

tw. incest, dubcon, peeping, creampie, coercion/emotional manipulation, unintentional voyeurism, jealousy, angst, love triangle wordcount. 5k

part 01 part 02 part 03 part 04

a/n. she's hEREEE she's here the emotional baggage fuckery is back finally!!!! aaaaahhhh yes i finally got off my ass and rewrote and finished part three thanks you so much to @seijorhi and @darlingsanzu for betaing and sitting through my insufferableness about the itoshi sibs i juST ughhhhh!! i hope you like it and yes there will be a part four which should be the final part and yes i will try tofinish it soon-ish <333

itoshi rin x fem!reader x itoshi sae

The picture is a little creased, faded with time, but it’s still visible enough to keep. It’s more valuable than a digital copy, in this case. Because there’s an obvious scratch right over Sae’s perfect smile that gives Rin every reason to want to grin back. At least the wear and tear of the universe is on his side this once. You’re adorable in your matching jersey, little toddler hands sticking out of the arm holes as you’ve wrapped yourself around an equally small him.

Nostalgia isn’t a feeling he wants to linger in much though, because even on an innocent reflection of the past like this one - where Sae is throwing up peace signs and dribbling a ball as the two of you watch enchanted - there’s a treacherous truth displayed.

As he’s holding you, his only baby sister, in his arms, he stares at the ball; the talent, the glory, the unequivocal challenge, and you; you’re watching Sae.

It’s how it's always been, and with a bitter swallow, Rin has to wonder if the way he always trailed two steps behind will be how it ends. If he can’t keep you, if Sae really does take him up on the threat to steal you away from under his nose, would you struggle? Would you even understand if he explained it? Somehow, he doubts it. Somehow, he thinks that you don’t see anything wrong with the fact that you whisper Sae’s name in your sleep.

No simple scratch over Sae’s smile on a childhood picture is going to stop you from loving the guy. And worse still, it isn’t even his picture. It only reappeared in the house when Sae came home to stay with you, creased, cherished, and though Rin isn’t sure if Sae is even capable of true feeling for anything that isn’t himself… it looks loved.

A better man would take that as a sign to back off, maybe. A better man wouldn’t drag his little sister out of a shared bed and strip you down to nothing, pretending to be a helping hand. Kiss your lips, play with your fingers until you give him the first real smile of the day. Hopeful, and deeply, truly forgiving of his every flaw. It’s everything he isn’t. Instead he is towered over you with one hand on the granite tiles with his body just a few breaths from yours as you hum a little song. The showerhead is big enough to have you drenched, and him close enough to have the steam and heat of the water drawing random swirls along his vision, breathing in, breathing out. The heat of the air clears his lungs, but nothing takes the sticky, pressing feeling on his chest away when you’re this close. Breathe in, halfway out as you clear your voice.

“Do you think Sae will be allowed to stay a little longer, nii nii? I know he’s gotta practice, but—” The sound of the shower drums away the rest of your question. Water runs from your neck, along shoulder blades down the line of your back, and he wants to groan and grunt at the way your butt almost brushes his fucking cock. It’s ungodly. It’s vile, and maybe if you were any less trusting, you could feel the way his eyes roam when you tell yourself ‘no looking’, or how his waist ‘accidentally’ brushes up against you almost every time. You’re none the wiser, though, that’s the problem. “Rin nii?” He looks up from your steamy, perfect fucking body that’s chubbing up his cock to lean his chest against your shoulder as he grabs the shampoo bottle, and gives a faint hum to signal hearing you.

“It’s just been so long since we were all together again,” you breathe then, and hum so softly, encouragingly, as his long fingers find your head to slosh the artificial fruit scent around your scalp. Another little noise has his lashes fluttering, sliding his other hand down your neck to take a solid hold of your shoulder. And then a puffed breath, as you turn halfway towards him and make him catch a flash of your perfect fucking tits, to make matters even worse. Truly, you must believe him to be a saint, he thinks as all his muscles flex and unflex. He’s so wound up with Sae being around to ruin it that he can barely stand looking at you without wanting to grab his cock and pull until he sprays cum all over the swell of your ass. “Ahh, that feels- ah- really good.” He can’t help it. Nothing makes the longing go away.

“Thank you for taking care of me, niichan… I- I don’t like being alone.”

Dead silence. He needs dead silence to get over your unapologetic admiration. To be locked up in solitary confinement and have a metal rod jammed through both ears, probably. Rin swallows the thick feeling on his tongue to the best of his ability, watching the soap run down your hair, before ever so gently leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. And one to your jaw, and neck, and then the crook of your shoulder. Forget about anything else, his brain blares, forget about — his voice cracks when he calls your name and wraps a lone arm around your stomach to stop you from moving. “You know I love you, right?”

You seem similarly frozen in time for a few tense heartbeats, water rushing along your face and making every inch of you glitter under the lights. Before you wipe your eyes and nose, and nod. “I know. I love you too, nii nii.”

Your lashes are dark, long, and too wet. And your lip bobs up and down a few times as you go to smooth your hands down his chest, and Rin can’t fucking help it— think that you’re looking through him. There’s a commotion outside the hall before the way you look at him can be addressed. The door creaks as it opens, before footsteps make their way to the bathroom and there’s a little knock. Sae’s voice is low and sleep filled as he calls out your name, and you pull your hands away from Rin. Leaving your touch to burn long after it’s gone.

“Are you in the shower?”

“Mhm, I’m almost done.” He doesn’t want to look at the way you fidget, and draws his hand back from it’s steady position on your hip to grab some soap.

Sae’s irritating mockery of a voice is strangely gentle when speaking to you, and he imagines his brother leaning against the door as he talks. “That’s okay. Want me to join you?” Rin almost chokes on it. You don’t hesitate to hum, and play your fingers along your hand palm.

“If you want to. Rin’s in here too, so there’s not that much room, but-” The sharp snort from beyond the door cuts you off, but Rin would overlook that any day if Sae would just keep his damn mouth shut. As if he’d ever be that lucky.

“Ah, I was wondering where you went. You’re showering with our little sister? Fucking pervert.” The cold laugh only makes his eyebrows lace together harder, as his jaw clenches hard. The irony is lost on you, of course, because you look at Rin with a little head tilt. And try to shy away from him when he grabs your hand to lace it together. “Well, let me know when you’re done. I need to head to the store later and I wanna shower first. Hurry it up.”

+

Adrenaline pumps through his blood as he wipes some of the sweat of his brow. The short blades of grass crunch under his feet, and the ball flies - as usual - in a perfect arch towards the one corner of the goalpost, heading home. The field’s otherwise abandoned, and the cold sky makes his puffs of hot breathing into little clouds that linger before fizzling into nothing.

Only the bright white of large led lights, and to the side, you. You’re buried in his jacket, hands deeply hidden into the oversized pockets as you walk from the boundary lines towards him. “Nii nii!” Your voice bounces around the space overzealous, and it warms his face instinctively. It’s entirely too domestic. As he leaves the spare balls to jog up to you, his stomach flips. It’s down season, so really, this should be his rest time. But he’s been… unusually agitated, for lack of any better way to describe it. Days seem longer when he can’t even get close to you without receiving a sneer or a disbelieving chuckle from some corner of the house.

Your shared house, of just you and him. Sae doesn’t care nearly enough about what should be the consequences if it were anyone else. He could just kick him out, if it were different. But sadly, you’re not anyone else, and you’d sooner bend yourself into impossible shapes than willfully ask your other brother away. It’s not like he’s being more distant for the redhead’s sake. No, he wants to let out a dry chuckle at the idea, anything but. If it was up to just him, he’d let Sae rot in his sourness and implications. It’s only out of necessity, because you care about what Sae thinks of you. And the guy fucking knows it.

Rin instead takes in with a tiny smile how you’re dressed entirely in his clothing, like you’re some cheesy couple, unwilling to be separate people from one another for even a second. It calms the possessiveness enough to pull you into him when you reach him, two hands full of ass as he makes you wrap your arms around his neck and picks you up against his sweaty body. “Mhm, you look cozy.”

Your mouth quirks up before you giggle, and let him bury his face into the side of yours.

He kisses you, leaning down into it before you can say another word, and you giggle an embarrassed little ‘Rin’ into his lips before pulling away. But his large hands are still holding you off of the floor and forcing you into another hug, and you don’t struggle much against it anyway. He should really be more embarrassed. About the way his lips long to slot over your pulse point and bathe you in possessive kisses that leave the deepest marks. After just a few kisses along your neck you pull back and mumble something about the tickling, and then land back onto the ground when he puts you down.

It’s second nature for you to attach yourself to Rin’s body when looking up at him and to wrap your arms around his waist, and in turn, he does his best to keep his eyes from wandering too much. “It’s cold, why’re you out here? Watch niisan play?” Your fingers squeeze before you breathe, and your smile slips just a little. Obvious.

And whatever sort of look must come over his face has you grabbing him a little tighter, keeping the hug going. He doesn’t want to think about the millions of times he’s demanded it with so much unveiled disdain that you’re always trying to soothe him. He doesn’t want to think it, but for some reason- it still pops up into the back of his head. You nuzzle into his chest, hope the warmth in your eyes sinks down into his bones. But the moment can’t last, and you eventually open your mouth to let out a slow mumble. “Sae nii wants to take me to some new bar in Kabukicho. I’ll be back soon though.”

Though his mouth tugs down, he lets out a hum, and a dry, non-amused chuckle follows. “Yeah. Do whatever. Sae’s only here every so often, right?” He turns to get away from the way your face falls, unable to help it. Rin rolls his tongue around against the roof of his mouth. Like taffy, the jealousy sits in his mouth and sours a little further each time he swallows. It’s a special kind of torture.

You try to help it, as always, sewing the tearing edges together as best you can. But it’s no use. As long as Sae keeps winning, Rin will keep fighting back. That’s just the way of things in the Itoshi household. “You can come with us, nii nii,” you pout into the dusty clouds of breath that covers your face in fog. But the noiret stands fast. Pride is an ugly thing when it gets broken. It now winks at him each time he walks around in his own house. Try as he might, he can’t escape you. And though your eyes might flick towards the eldest for guidance, he knows it’s only a matter of time before Sae runs ahead again and leaves you stranded in his wake.

From somewhere on the parking lot, an expensive car roars and flashes it’s lights to call for attention. Your shoulders square as you hide yourself further into his puffer jacket, and your long lashes seem to plead with him. “Rin nii?”

“I have to practice,” he mumbles back, and drops the ball onto the curve of his foot to set it into another long arch across the field— anything to keep himself from having to look at your face as it falls. “Get home safe.” You take a shuddered, little breath, before your shoulders fall and you turn to make your way back to the sideline and past it. He feels bad, sort of, but tonight is a little rough.

He wants to just play out here until his toes and fingers go numb. He doesn’t want to see how your eyes shine when Sae gives you a sliver of attention, when his own betray him as a man who spent most of his life loving you. Surely he has more self respect than that. 

+

There was always something selfish about it. About the way he would run ahead, hogged toys and attention, and cherished himself. A greedy, unrelenting draw towards success, whatever that even meant when he was 6 and beating everyone around him in athletics and running them off his tail faster than people could wish to admit. A monster of ‘natural talent’ that called his name from the quiet confines of the spotlight, and for good reason, he was more than glad to shake hands and let it run wild upon his life. That selfishness wouldn’t be pushed aside for anything. Or anyone.

It was only an unfortunate consequence that you and Rin had to come after. Sae didn’t start out trying to antagonize anyone. Despite that — time changes things. Fractures once familiar memories. Unties knots. He might have started out not trying to antagonize Rin, but he isn’t stupid. Sometimes it feels like that’s all they’re good for now. If not for you. Their smallest, trying to glue the shards back together again and again and over again.

It was always that way. Their little fixer, their little cheerleader. The favorite bench warmer, or something like that. Rin sets alight at the core when he looks at you, and he’s not exactly good at hiding it. The only reason your parents didn’t see it was a plea of sanity, and a little bit of delusion. How do you make peace with the fact that not one, but all of your children have crossed opposing wires in their brain? That your pedestal-raised, untamed prizes of offspring have taken to tying the last remaining semblance of normalcy to their own side with diamond chains. It’s only a matter of time before one of the chains gives out, and the perfect, little family shatters.

The fan buzzes with a soft hum that has him glancing over his shoulder at the side of your face, cheeks soft and long lashes hiding admiring, unrelenting hope in your eyes each time they find him. No, Sae isn’t stupid. He knows that you call him much more often than you’re willing to tell Rin about, and that you like it a little too much when his hand slides down your spine to pull you into him. He knows that you don’t just look at him with a platonic appreciation. And that it’s as much his fault for letting it get this far as it is yours for pining for something that wasn’t meant to be yours. But that’s what happens when big brother becomes an unattainable standard that parents set, isn’t it? You find ways to close the gap.

Your unconscious way of closing the gap is to place yourself on the edge of his bed and talk, talk until you can’t talk a second longer. Usually until he shuts you up by wrapping his arms around you and kissing you until you run out of air in your lungs to make it a second longer. That’s how it started, all those years ago. A sleepless night of sudden, self-shattering doubt, where he’d snuck across the hall in the comfort of twilight. And settled for a soft, misguided kiss; just to prove he could.

And you being you, had looked at him with those big, clueless doe eyes and hadn’t peeped a word about it— because who are you if not undyingly loyal to the worst of the worst. Sae doesn’t get it. But it seems he is, at heart, exploitative by nature, right? Why else would one kiss have turned into two, and then many, stuffing his insecurities deep within his little sister until she breaks first.

Your cheek is rolled against the couch now, and your legs tucked close against him as he watches a rerun of another old match, but it seems that tonight, something’s different. Ever since he stole you away from Rin yesterday, the guy’s been unapologetically standoffish. And now you’re unusually quiet. Or, not so much unusual as uncomfortable, and making it unable to ignore it. Sulking and sniffling in the crook of your elbow with all the poise of a third grader.

His face turns to regard you, and he clicks his tongue. “What’s the problem?”

You don’t speak for a moment, but eventually have to give in to the unfailing stare burning a hole between your brows. Voice soft as it lays open the groundwork, and suddenly Sae’s throat closes up. “I miss Rin nii.”

The house is too quiet.

+

The thumping of the headboard is sort of unbearable. Cold and cruel and too noisy even for him, but it’s nothing compared to the thrill he feels singing into his blood as your eyes are closed tight, cheeks and ears burning with heat, and tears suffocating most of your cries for the low, clueless way you mumble his name. In some ways, he had wanted to do things differently. If it had been possible to contain his temper for once in his life, maybe he would have liked to try to make you happy with a gentle kiss and an even softer admission of guilt.

Apologized for fucking you up the way he did. Take responsibility.

The way he’s got both your wrists in one hand and his other on your throat isn’t gentle or soft. But Sae isn’t exactly one to look a gift horse in the mouth either. Your thick pearls of tears down your temples are enough to have him gritting his teeth and letting his hips connect yet again with the skin of your ass as he slots himself right between your legs. “Niichan, Sae niichan~” you whine out so pitifully below him, gasping and squirming and grabbing at his shoulders.

He grunts. “I don’t want to hear it.” You look like you’re not sure whether to beg him to get closer, deeper- or to drag your nails down his face- and the look has him biting his bottom lip so hard it soon tastes only of copper. Eventually though, a thought makes it through the squeezed opening of his throat, and he grabs your face to aim it at him. “You got some fucking nerve. It— Rin didn’t care about you until he realized that I wanted you. I was the one who cared first. Me.” He doesn’t recognize his own voice as it comes out raspy and only interrupted by his own hysterical heartbeat, and he stares deep into your matching irises again. “Me. Say it.”

Your mouth twists into a thin line, wobbly as his cock slides between soft lips and makes the wetness squelch between your bodies. His sweat beads at his hairline, and your nails dig deeper into his shoulder. He ruts himself deep, with a steady rhythm that rings through the house and makes your legs shake. Eventually you crack a little when he pries your chin from the way you hide it into your shoulder, and kisses you hard. He means it though, through teeth and spit all the same. “Sae nii- iichan,” your voice breaks when you mumble it, and a trail of silver runs along your temple. You still try to pull out of his white knuckled grip, pouting. “I don- I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I just meant that- I- didn’t want to m-make -hick- Rin nii upset. Let go of me.”

“Why should I?”

He holds his steady thrusting for just a moment to regard you seriously, and watch the way the heat in your face swirls all around. Lips plump and parted, sweetened by his mouth. Skin sticky, your pussy leaving glimmering slick all over his thumping cock. You don’t say anything, and he moves instead to rub your puffy clit under his thumb with too much precision. It makes you squirm, and makes you pant and whimper. You don’t like to face the facts, don't like it when he calls you out for it. But as much as you can’t tell him no with his hands on your body and your tits in his mouth, he wants to hear you say he’s the favorite sibling.

His voice is a little gravelly still when you whine his name and he shuts you up by burying his cock to the hilt into the hot clutch of your tight cunt, and licking along your tongue. “You love me. I know you do.” It’s about the one thing he knows for sure about you. His neck burns when your hand slides along it to tug through the shorter hair, and whine against his mouth and nod.

“I love you, Sae niichan. L-love -y-you.”

With a short chuckle he pulls back, eyes wide and feeling a little too hysterical, just as fired up as he is on the field. Maybe even more. You’d deserve that much. His throat is dry as he slides the head of his cock against that spongy part of your walls and when your eyes flutter hard, grabs your tits too. Your knees land by your shoulders as his balls clap against your ass and you look so pathetically at his mercy, a little sister cunt just for him. Your crystal tears roll over in bunches, as he jackhammers his fat, hot cock into you. Until your eyes roll and your toes start curling into the blankets. Only then does he allow for the way you clamp at him to get pulled a little tighter, a little softer.

“Cumming? You’re big brother’s favorite girl, mhm-” he grunts, red hair sticking to his forehead, as he leans into the embrace just enough to fuck with heavy thrusts into the tightness of your hot pussy until it starts spasming around you. “Best -f-fucking pussy around. No one does it like you, ‘mouto.” He only notices there’s a tear when it tickles his collarbone on the way down, and no, no— he’s not crying over this. Not as you stare up at him through almost closed eyes with a hung universe in your eyes. Fuck. He hides his face into yours by crashing his lips to yours and letting his tongue swallow all of your moans and noises until you start really shaking, and clamping your legs around his body.

You cum with Sae’s tongue down your throat, and his arms burn as he lifts himself up from your body to fuck though the incredible feeling of you clenching down on him hard enough to black him out. It hurts how good you feel, before his hips automatically speed up with each noisy ‘pap’ to chase his own orgasm. “Niichan, niichan, y-you c-,” you break yourself off with a high pitched aftershock, and tug at the hair still locked between your fingers, “feels- so- g-gud- niichan!

“F-fuck, I-ugh.” His cock is so hot as he spills white ropes of cum into your dripping pussy before he even has a chance to think about it, pulling out halfway to spurt the rest of it between your legs with a rasped swear, before collapsing to your side and beaming in the sticky heat of the room. “Holy fuck.” Your arms wrap around his stomach and you bury your face into his side, and for a moment, he even allows his arm to wrap back around your shoulders. Because you’re good. You’re so good to him.

He doesn’t know how long you lay with him, but eventually the shallow breathing and soft touches cool, and when they do— he feels numb. The hot-headedness is gone. And with it comes the ice-cold realization that he’s gone and done it now. Your cheeks are still warm against his chest, and you shiver a little when he sits up. He hums. “Y'kno, this is a pretty nice guest room, but I’m kinda missing my own bed.”

A small frown digs itself between your brows on your pretty face. Your hands go for the blankets first, cover yourself up a little, and then you follow the way he sits up to shake off some of the daze. And his heart beats hard, too hard, when he slides off the side and your unsure look turns into a pout. “Sae nii. I-”

“Help me find my boxers.” The clamminess of the room is too fucking much, you have to understand that. The soft shuffle isn’t enough to ignore the way you’re burning holes into his skin. So he shrugs it off and picks a new pair out of the dresser instead, putting it on. And for a moment it works. Pulling on a shirt, sweater and some sweatpants is enough to clear his head just enough to toss you a bottle of water. You don’t catch it, and it lands with a sad poof on the soft covers.

But it’s nothing compared to the way you ruffle the softness even closer to your body, and your voice is barely a breath as you bite your tongue. “Sae nii?”

A dark room has never felt so revealing. He adjusts the sleeves of his sweater, giving a sideways glance to the crown of your head. Any lower he can’t stomach. “I’m heading home,” his voice comes out dry, as he opens the door to the hall, and heads straight for the car keys.

+

Rin doesn’t say anything when the door of your room opens, but he’s awake. 03:25— the blue light informs, and he slowly manages to pull one of the headphones out by its cord. Your small shape curls into bed like a fawn, slow and unsteady, and you breathe his name. But it isn’t the same, and it only takes a few seconds for him to feel, as well as see, how you nuzzle up half onto him. You’re cold, and your hands shake a little when you look into his eyes and go to melt your foreheads together.

In any other situation, he would think he was dreaming. Cross my heart and hope to not to wake, lucid in love. In any other situation, you wouldn’t be up halfway through twilight as you go in mouth first to his own and kiss him hard and deep enough for him to feel your heartbeat. Your lips are sweet though, and your one hand wraps thumb and fingers all along his shoulder, and squeezes until you shake. You push your tongue into his mouth as Rin’s eyes blink away the darkness, and his tongue brushes yours. It’s wet and hot and too real, your free hand going to find his where it rests on his chest, and you drape your leg over the rest of his body.

And he floats. Shakes, with tongue against tongue and your mouth slotted against his when you moan into it. This isn’t how you kiss him. This surges through his blood like poison, and has him humming back and pulling you further on top of him until you stop shaking so hard.

Your nose and lashes are wet, but you kiss him full of sugar and leave every inch of him in ambers. Rin allows you to curl up on his chest like you need, and links fingers with you, as he kisses down your mouth and neck as you gasp and pant and shiver like a bunny. Shoves his hands under Sae’s spare shirt to drag his long fingers along your spine, and you cry, and you cry, and you cry.

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