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crusty-chronicles · 3 months

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The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 16: Not Myself

Synopsis: Y/n tries to make today the best it can possibly be…Even if that means pretending to be okay with it. Meanwhile, the boys encounter a very familiar chimera ant. But what's that???? Oh no! 😱😱😱 Could it be???? Childhood trauma 🫣

Silence.

It was quiet when Gon returned to the small home. Too quiet for his liking. He expected to hear you and Killua talking. To come back to your usual banter before you went on your date with Palm. But there was nothing from either of you.

He walked in further. A faint mumbling from your room at last reaching his ears. Maybe the two of you were in there? However it didn't seem likely as he approached your door. He couldn't sense Killua's presence inside with you. Then all at once you'd gone quiet.

Like you just now realized he was here.

Gon was by no means an idiot. Sure he had his moments, but that didn’t make him completely oblivious. Something had happened. Something had been happening judging by the way Killua was distancing himself from you and Gon. Never saying much anymore. Instead, observing from afar.

And now something was happening with you. As if your muttering hadn't already been an indication.

He gave a few knocks on your door before calling your name.

“Y/n!”

He could hear you let out a sigh before responding.

“You can come in.”

You were sitting on your bed when he walked in. The room being much neater than Palm had left it. But the room wasn't the only thing that was different. Somehow, you seemed less drained. Getting up and taking your clothes with a certain vigor that wasn't there before.

Gon could tell immediately that something was off with you. You'd been dreading going on this date all morning, and now you seemed enthusiastic about it. Moving about with energy he'd never seen you have before.

“You were quick, you know that?” You said, giving him a pat to the head that was almost robotic. Not something you'd done out of affection like earlier, but because you simply had to.

Why were you treating him like that? Like he really was a little kid. The gentle inflection in your voice making him worry. The best way to describe it was a forced cheeriness. Except he had trouble telling if it really was forced.

Then you'd flashed him a smile, but it wasn't yours. It felt fake. Practiced. Artificial from how perfect it looked. How wide and toothy it was. A small noticeable gap in the middle. Had that always been there?

Your smiles, your real ones were always crooked. Almost to the point of being cruel. And they were small. Never stretching out across your entire face.

But this one looked charismatic. Devoid of the usual tiredness you held. To someone who didn't know you, it would feel welcoming. Charming. But to someone like Gon who'd spent the better half of a year with you, it was anything but. Like a switch had flipped.

“Thank you so much, munchkin.” And now that he was hearing it again, your tone…. It was boisterous.

This was not you.

It couldn't be.

You who was always tired, always snarky, always comforting…Were now upbeat and detached. What had happened in the 30 minute span he'd been gone?

“You're acting off.” He voiced his concerns at last. But instead of reassuring him, you just brushed it off like nothing.

“Am I? I feel fine.”

A brief squeeze to his shoulder before you spoke again.

“Don't stress yourself out over nothing, okay?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” He didn't believe you for a second.

You weren't fine yesterday when you came home. You were on edge. More irritable than usual with Palm’s presence. And now you were acting like this. This was not nothing. Maybe the stress from the Chimera Ants had finally broken you? Maybe it was something else?

Maybe it was someone else?

“Never better. Now give me a few minutes to change and we'll be on our way.” Again came that smile as you ushered him out. The one that was the complete opposite of yours.

You'd closed the door shut once he was out. It was like you were hiding from him. Scared to be around for more than a few minutes. And before he could try to figure out what it meant, he was face to face with Killua.

“Oh, you're back.” His voice coming out scratchy.

Then there were his eyes, puffy and slightly bloodshot. He'd been crying. Gon wanted to question him. Ask him what was wrong. But he had a feeling it wasn't the right time. You were leaving in 10 minutes. If he asked now, Killua would probably shut down at an interruption. And then he'd refuse for it to be brought up again.

He'd wait until you left to get to the bottom of this. But he knew, he was certain he knew what the reason was.

Something had happened between the two of you.

And a fight was the most likely answer.

—-------------------

You weren't used to this anymore. Being so smiley and upbeat just because. Acting like you had it all figured out. And maybe you did when you were 7. There'd only ever been one goal at the time. One purpose. But you also had a home. People to connect with.

Maybe that was why you were so damn happy.

You didn't have to worry about looking over your shoulder. You didn't have to worry about food. You didn't have to worry about taking care of others. All you had to do was make the head of your clan happy. Appease him in exchange for everything else.

But now you had nothing. You weren't wanted anymore. Maybe you never really were. Your life for the past twenty something years revolved around your usefulness. What you could offer others in exchange for normalcy. And the revelation had pushed you past your limit.

It left you feeling numb. You simply didn't care anymore. Whatever happened to you after this, it didn't matter. The brief concern from Gon didn't matter. The regret littering Killua's aura didn't matter.

They wouldn't have to ‘worry’ about you ever again. So you plastered on a smile you'd long overgrown. A tone that was honeyed and eccentric. Movements that weren't slowed with exhaustion.

It felt like you were disassociating with every step you took. The person you were trying to portray had died 13 years ago with their sister. All that was left now was a husk.

A coward, a disgrace, a burden.

Something so pitiful and useless, yet it longed for a reason to keep going. A life worth living with people worth living for. And for a moment, it had that. For a brief moment, you had that.

You were supposed to enjoy today. Make it worth it before you sought out ‘Father.’ But you were just floating by. Living because you had to. Treating it more like a chore than one last hurrah.

Tired. You were so unbelievably tired. You longed for rest. And if it happened to be permanent, then that wouldn't be so bad.

You shouldn't think like that. No, you had to get through today first.

The boys had wanted to see you off. Or well, Gon had wanted to see you off and Killua followed him. The boy in green seemingly oblivious to the other’s melancholy state. Had Killua not told him about the fight?

A small part of you wanted to know why. But you reminded yourself it wasn't your concern. Not anymore. Whatever they chose to do next, it was no longer your responsibility.

A call of your name snapped you from your thoughts.

“Over here!” The voice sounded again.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the prettiest woman you've ever seen. Long brown hair with amethyst colored eyes. A black and pale-yellow dress with stockings to match. She waited for your response with a bashful expression.

“Huh? I'm sorry, who are…” the words dying on your tongue as the realization came.

No way.

No fricken way!

But your eyes were never wrong.

The woman in front of you was none other than Palm. They’re auras being an exact match. The only difference was that it was less intense than before.

You could feel your cheeks warm as she came closer. The heat rising to your ears at the small laugh she gave. This was really her? You were by no means vain, or at least you tried not to be. But you couldn't help getting flustered by the beautiful woman in front of you. Your facade momentarily slipping away.

“P-Palm?” You stuttered. Still unbelieving that she was the one in front of you. You could sense the discomfort steadily rise from her aura.

“Do I look strange to you?” She seemed to be second guessing herself.

It took you all but a second to gather your thoughts. Your radiant front returning.

“Strange? Not at all. If I'm being honest, you're absolutely breathtaking. My heart can't stop beating.”

But it truly did beat for someone else entirely.

“Oh no, please stop it. You're being far too loud! It's just so embarrassing!” Palm squealed, hiding behind her hands.

You gently coaxed them away from her face. Offering a smile that felt a little more genuine.

“Hey, don't hide away from me. I'm supposed to be your date, remember? And you're not the only one who's all dressed up.”

Your cooing tone making butterflies erupt in her stomach. For the first time that day, she took a real good look at you. You'd been dressed a little more formal than she was. Wearing a nice button up with a pair of black slacks. Her previous worry replaced by a feeling of fondness at your effort. Then you'd extended your arm forward, offering a small bouquet of roses.

“These are for you, by the way.” You said. And her heart melted right then and there.

“Ooh, you're being too sweet!”

The interaction being observed by both boys with scrutiny. It looked like you and Palm were going to get along just fine. And it was bittersweet for the small assassin, who didn't expect you to be so radiant after your fight.

A part of him expected to see you upset. You sure as hell sounded like it earlier. But another told him that this was probably for the best. He'd hurt you enough this morning. Said things he could never take back. And now it was time to let you go. Who was he to stand in your way after what he'd done?

But the boy in green had a different perspective.

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to feel relieved that you and Palm would hit it off. But it wasn't how things were supposed to be. You and Kite liked each other.

You and him were supposed to end up together, right?

It'd taken him and Killua a while to get used to the idea, but Kite was someone who'd earned both of their trusts. Who'd earned their respect. And the way he'd stepped up when you were at your lowest, it meant something.

It showed that he really did care about you, and that you were finally comfortable enough to let down your guard.

You two just fit together in a way that felt too special for words.

But the way you looked at Palm said otherwise. Your eyes so bright with a smile so big. You looked more at ease than you had with Kite.

Then again, you hadn't been acting like yourself today.

Gon wasn't selfish enough to believe just because you and Kite had liked each other, you couldn't find anybody else. That you couldn't move on.

But you and Palm didn't fit quite right together.

He and Killua didn't know her. They didn't trust her or know anything about her intentions. In fact, he'd almost been the one forced on this date. She'd also threatened the both of them several times. He didn't feel comfortable with you going out with somebody like that.

When Kite had put up with so much to keep them safe.

He didn't like the thought of leaving you by yourself with her, but you were always careful. And he needed to find out what was going on with you and Killua. So he let you go, reminding himself that this was just one date. This was a favor, and you wouldn't be going on another one with her.

“We'll leave you to it. Have fun Y/n!” He encouraged before tugging Killua away to talk. Palm leading you away in the other direction.

He was immediately met with resistance from the small assassin. Killua pulling back and trying to turn his head to see you. Watching almost frantically as your figure shrunk smaller and smaller out of sight.

“We can just let Palm drag them away! You know Y/n doesn't fight. We need to keep an eye on them just in case.” He argued. Trying to justify following you around.

Grasping at straws because if you were being serious this morning, it'd be the last time he ever saw you. The last time they ever got to see you happy.

‘You can't even fight anyways. You'd just continue to be a burden.’ The memory of what he said hitting him like a truck.

You weren't a burden. He wasn't doing this because you were. He just wanted to make sure your date went perfectly, so he could let you go with the knowledge that today had been your best.

“They're getting away. We have to-” but Gon stopped him before he could finish.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

The question catching him completely off guard. His eyes widening as he tried to come up with something to say.

“What? Crying? Maybe you were just seeing things.” It was a very flimsy excuse even Killua didn't buy.

“Killua, you can't lie to me. We've been best friends for over a year. I don't need you to tell me you're upset to know.” And in Gon's eyes was an unshakable resolve.

One that was saying, ‘it’ll be okay.’ That it was okay to trust him. But Killua was still too afraid to tell him everything. He wouldn't look at him with that same reassurance if he did.

“What happened while I was gone?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head. His eyes brimming with a familiar wetness from this morning.

“I can't say…. You'll hate me.”

“I could never hate you. I promise.” Gon assured. Wrapping his arm around him in a side hug. Remembering what you said about promises and taking it with stride.

“You mean it? You won't leave if I tell you?” Because if you left today and Gon followed, he'd have nothing. All because he'd blamed you for everything.

“I swear.”

He took a deep breath before finally explaining everything.

“...Me and Y/n got into a fight this morning. And-and I told them I never wanted to see them again.” But he'd said a little more than that. Worse than that.

‘I hate you.’

“I didn't mean it. But just look at them. They look so happy. Like it's a relief to never see us again.” You were happier without them.

“I messed up….And I don't think I can fix it this time.” He admitted. Leaning into Gon and finally crying. Letting go of everything he'd kept bottled up today.

“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say when this is the happiest I've ever seen them?”

“You say you're sorry.” Gon said, as if it was a matter of fact.

“What?”

“You apologize to Y/n. I won't argue that they seem happy, but something about it feels forced. Like they're pretending. So maybe they feel just as upset as you do. Maybe you’ve been too lost in your thoughts to not notice it. But nothing will get better unless you two talk about it. You know that right?”

No, he was wrong about that. Things would get better for Gon if he apologized. But for Killua, he'd already made his bed. When the month was over, he'd be gone. Bisky’s words reminding him that he was only burdening Gon by staying. And that was why he was in this mess now. Blaming you for that. He'd made it your fault.

“It won't fix anything.” He said at last. He couldn't take back anything he'd said. He couldn't possibly make you love him again with everything he said and accused you of.

But Gon's persistence would win in the end. And although he didn't know it yet, it would be something Killua was eternally grateful for.

“Just try. For me, try.” When it came to Gon, he'd do just about anything.

“Okay. I'll try.”

—------------

How long had it been already? Maybe four hours. Were dates usually supposed to be this long? Were you supposed to be out the entire day? You didn't know, or rather you didn't care to ask.

If your date lasted a little longer, then that wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, you were more drained than usual. Using so much energy to look your absolute best. Expending yourself beyond the usual limit despite your tired mind’s protest.

But so far, nobody except you knew the depths of your physical strain. You were always good at hiding how you really felt. Being taught emotions were a weakness from your former clan. Pitty, fear, burnout, and the like. All of it wasn't needed, with the exception of your determination to persevere.

You were currently at a restaurant with Palm. Nodding along enthusiastically as she told a story about her and Knov -her mentor. You could see her aura swell with unwavering affection when she spoke about him. There was respect there, yes, but it was mostly love. Infatuation probably fit a little better.

And it had you thinking about why she was on a date with you when she seemed to love him so much. Then again, she talked about him like he was a light who shouldn't be dimmed by someone like her. Like he was too perfect to even approach.

Maybe it humanized her a little bit. Letting you see her as a person with feelings rather than an unstable psycho. Because, despite your differences, you could understand her sentiment. Her reasoning with Knov.

And why, you may ask?

Because it felt similar to yours with Kite. It wasn't quite the same, but it didn't have to be to relate to each other. You both felt the object of your affections couldn't possibly have feelings for people like you. It had led you to a realization though.

Fear of rejection didn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You two should be here with completely different people. You shouldn't have to go on a date to feel wanted by somebody else. To seek validation from others. Although you'd been forced on this date, but that's besides the point.

You knew how you felt and she knew how she felt.

You two weren't right for each other. So you asked-

“If Knov gave you a chance, would you take it?”

You could feel her shock. Then her confusion. Then her embarrassment.

“I…I think I would. But he'd never, and anyways, I'm here with you. Let's just focus on each other for now, okay?”

You could tell she was trying to be nice. It let you know she at least cared on some level about your (non-existent) feelings. You didn't mind all that much. And it gave you an out of she tried to ask for a second date.

Oh right.

There'd be no second date anyways.

Which reminded you- the boys had been following you all day. You could never mistake their auras, no matter how faint they made them. They were seated three tables behind you. Holding up their menus every time you turned around so you wouldn't see them. Something that normally would have a real smile tugging on your lips.

But they didn't want you anymore.

They didn't need you anymore.

Why they couldn't just make this easier and leave you alone, you didn't know. Perhaps they wanted to make sure you actually went through with it. Or perhaps Gon wanted to make sure you were safe and Killua followed him. You still had no idea if he knew what happened or not. You had to remind yourself again that it was none of your business anymore.

So you continued on like nothing was happening. Giving Palm your full attention and then some. Anything to avoid the weight of your situation a little longer.

—------------------

A laugh. Then a compliment. And finally a smile. The way you were speaking with so much energy. It wasn't you. Gon was right, you felt off. Then again, all of it could've been genuine.

It looked like a weight was lifted from your shoulders from Killua's perspective. You were happy you were leaving. Unfazed from the argument.

And it hurt.

It hurt to see you were doing better than ever without them. The circles around your eyes ten times lighter. He'd never known you to be so talkative. So in your element around others.

Had they ruined your life by persuading you to stay? You were never like this with them. Had you always been this well off without the duo?

So full of life?

Would you even want an apology? Or would you say ‘Thank you, I can finally move on with my life!’ Treat the argument like a blessing in disguise?

He just might break if that was the case.

—--------------------------------

You'd been everywhere. A caffe, a park, an ice cream parlor. Practically going sightseeing in this city. Currently, you and Palm were walking through an aquarium. It was probably the first activity that completely wiped off your wide grin. Replacing your indifference with awe.

You'd heard about these things from one of your older peers. The way they described it didn't do justice to what you were seeing now. You'd always wanted to go, but between looking over your shoulder and being completely broke, you never had the opportunity.

Your eyes trailed after a sea turtle. Watching it zoom by and upwards. A small school of minnows following suit. You don't know when it happened, but your eyes had focused solely on the pane of glass that separated you from the marine life.

You were used to seeing everybody's emotions. To sensing their intensity. From searing anger to the brightest joy. But you'd never seen anything like this. Pure content from every creature swimming by. A wave of calm undisturbed by fear or malice.

You focused on people because you had to. You needed to know their intentions for your safety. You never bothered with animals. You weren't scared of them and they weren't dangerous unlike your own kin. You just never saw the purpose in doing it.

But now you did. It was a treat for your eyes and a blessing to your overworked senses. You don't remember the last time you felt this peaceful. If you were to be killed right now, you wouldn't have any complaints or regrets. You'd die in this blissful state without worries.

You barely registered the feeling of Palm resting her head on your shoulder.

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She whispered.

And all of a sudden, you weren't pretending anymore.

“Yeah. This is always what I imagined I'd get to see with my eyes. The best in what the world has to offer. The beauty of life as a whole…But it's not all like this.”

Maybe if it was, you'd have lived a better life. You would've had a family filled with love and support. Kari would still be here with you.

“What do you mean?” Palm asked.

Despite the bittersweet feeling in your chest, the wide smile on your face became more genuine. Softer.

“Humor me for a bit,” you responded before making goggles with your hands. Summoning your nen into them to create your spyglass.

“This is how I see the world.”

You placed your hands over her eyes and watched as the shock settled in. She took in every detail with wonder. The complete serenity radiating off of each creature.

“You really see like this?”

“Most of the time. Some days I get overwhelmed and shut off my nen.” You explained before pulling your hands back, realizing you were a lot closer than you initially thought.

A bright hue overtaking her face, to which you responded by clearing your throat.

“We've still got a bunch of exhibits to visit. C'mon, after this I have a surprise for you. We won't get a chance to see it if we're late.”

You offered her your hand once again. And to your surprise, she took it without hesitation.

—---------------

It was nearing the end of the day by the time you reached your destination. The sun barely beginning its descent as the two of you sat in a small clearing by the edge of a lake. To your shock, the boys were still following you. You figured they would have left you alone by now. So you decided, for the sake of your sanity, to completely dim your senses until you couldn't feel them anymore.

You'd be vulnerable, but you supposed it didn't matter now that your day was drawing to a close. Whatever happened now, you'd be okay with. Come what may, you had no regrets. Or did you.

“Is there a specific reason you brought me here, or did you want to watch the sunset together?” Palm asked, her tone slightly teasing.

You returned it with another wide smile. Trying your best not to show the strain that came with it.

“Well you see, I wanted to be a hunter once.” The words were almost painful on your tongue. Something you hadn't said out loud since you were seven.

“I knew an old man who was probably the closest I got to having a father. He was a real stinker though. A grouchy old codger. Buuuut he told me that fire flies were one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. Do you know why?”

She shook her head no.

Funny how you could ramble on now that your life has lost meaning.

“For starters, they're bioluminescent. And I don't know about you, but any creature that can produce it's own light is cool in my book. Second, is the reason why they glow. Do you know that one?”

Again she shook her head. And before you had time to be embarrassed about what you were going to say, you went for it.

“They glow to attract mates.”

The sun had set perfectly over the horizon as if right on cue. Not even a second later had little specks of light descended down. Circling around the tall oak tree that was centered on the lake before a few made their way over.

“I guess you could say love is in the air.” Ew, since when did you become all cheesy?

You stood up, offering her your hand and pulling Palm to her feet.

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

—---------------------

“How much farther are they gonna go?” Killua complained.

The two of them had been following you all day and still your date wasn't over. From that small diner, to the aquarium, and now a forest. At this rate, he wouldn't get a chance to try and make things right until sundown. You and Palm couldn't possibly have that much to talk about. Nothing that should've kept you away the entire day.

“I don't know…But maybe it's time we stop following them around?” Gon suggested.

And once again Killua was grasping for straws.

“I…Not yet. The day's not over yet. Anything could happen. And don't you think it's strange Y/n hasn't sensed us yet?” It was probably his most valid point of the day.

It didn't make it any less true though. If you hadn't noticed them following you, then there was a lot more you wouldn't notice. Or worse, what if you'd shut off your nen? You'd be completely open to an attack.

“Maybe they did and just let us tag along? When have you ever known Y/n to let their guard down?” Gon countered.

He knew how much making up to you meant to Killua. He knew how badly he wanted to reconcile with you. But maybe it was best to wait for you to come back later, instead of chasing you around. You could take care of yourself perfectly fine, and deep down Killua knew that. Gon knew that he knew that. Which is why he couldn't let him keep making excuses to stay.

You two would get a chance to talk, of that he was sure.

“I don't know. But I just don't feel right leaving them.” The small assassin said at last.

“Look,” Gon directed towards the clearing you and Palm were in. The two of you sitting down and talking.

“They'll be okay.”

It was then that the weight of the situation hit him.

What was he doing? Following you around like a little kid. You deserved your privacy. He'd already ruined your piece of mind.

'Stay away from both of us. You'd only continue to be a burden.'

It was funny in a way. He'd called you a burden, yet here he was like some sorta stalker, waiting for the opportunity to approach you. Bringing Gon along because he just couldn't leave you alone. Unable to tell him the truth about what happened. Why saying sorry wouldn't fix everything.

So focused on staying in both of your lives that he somehow managed to push the both of you out.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“You're right. Let's leave them be. I'll get a chance to talk to them later.” He gave a tired smile that mimicked yours.

It was then Gon pulled him into a real hug. Giving his back a small pat.

“It'll be okay. For now, let's go home.”

Home.

Except it wouldn't feel like one without you there.

The two of them started their trek back. Much slower and a little more tired than when they'd been following you. The sun just barely setting before Killua sensed it.

The unmistakable sensation of bloodlust. Which meant… A chimera ant was near. Maybe it had already passed through? Then again, the feeling was only growing stronger.

Damn.

Should they warn you?

No.

Palm would go berserk if they interrupted her date.

Damnit.

“Killua? Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

That's right. Gon wasn't able to sense the ant whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to fight either. Not without risking his life, and Killua promised himself that he would protect Gon no matter what.

“There's a Chimera Ant nearby. Damnit, and I can't let you wander off without knowing where it is.”

“I can defend myself. All the ants that came before weren't a problem. This one shouldn't be either.” Gon protested.

But Killua just couldn't risk it. So much had already gone wrong.

“Just let me protect you.” His fist clenching self-consciously.

“Let me do one thing right today.”

And for the first time in awhile, there was a strong resolve in his eyes. Burning with determination.

“Okay, but I won't run away. No matter what, we stick together.” Gon relented.

Killua gave a nod. Just in time for a figure to emerge from the underbrush. One they'd seen before, to their surprise.

It was the rabbit ant. The very same whose arm you'd broken back at the NGL. The one you'd shattered to protect Gon. And was that- Damn! A murky aura surrounded it. One that was practiced.

It had managed to learn nen.

“I thought I smelled humans,” It sneered.

The duo quickly took a stance, preparing for the ant to lunge. Instead, it only continued to taunt them.

“I remember you. That's right. You're those brats from before. It looks like your luck’s run out. Especially without that other human here to save you.”

Seems it also remembered you. Not good.

“You two are about to get a taste of hell you're never gonna forget.” It continued with a smirk. Pointing at the two of them.

“Of course, it won't last forever you know?”

Killua could feel Gon tensing from besides him. If he lost his cool now, they'd be in serious trouble. There was no telling what that thing’s ability was. They both had to be careful. Size the enemy up before making any rash decisions.

‘Run. If you don't know what the enemy is capable of, keep your distance.’

“Where is that other friend of yours?” Rammot looked around before staring them down with a malicious grin.

“Once you tell me their location, I promise I'll make it quick. It can't be that far. They are your protector, aren't they?”

Gon took a step forward, and Killua had to fight himself not to take one backwards.

“I'll just walk around making lots of noise and swinging your severed heads. And it won't be long before they come to find me. That's how humans are. Am I right?”

Wrong. You wouldn't come for them. Not anymore.

But those words were Gon's breaking point.

“You won't lay a finger on them.”

Killua had never seen him this aggressive. He was sure without a doubt Gon would have given his life right then and there to keep you safe. After what happened with Kite, it made sense he'd be more protective of you. More pressured to make sure the same never happened with you.

But this was not the way to do it. And whereas Killua was flawed with overanalyzing combat, Gon was flawed with being too impulsive. Letting his emotions get the better of him. So the small assassin quickly extended his arm in front before he could make a move.

“Don't. Trust me on this, you don't stand a chance right now. Not without your nen.” He warned.

And before Gon could respond, the ant made a dash forward.

“Let's just test that theory, shall we!”

—-------------------

You stood hand in hand with Palm. Guiding her to the edge of the lake. One foot on the surface of the water without disturbing it. And much to her shock, you didn't sink into the water. Then you took another step back, urging her forward.

“What are you-” She started.

“Trust me. I won't let you fall.” You assured.

Walking on water. Quite the trick if you do say so yourself. You'd used your nen to form a small circle under you. Almost like a little shield to keep you afloat. And as long as Palm stayed in that same radius, she'd be fine.

She gave you a hesitant look, inching towards you but not ready to take the full leap. You offered up another reassuring smile. Lightly brushing your thumbs over the back of her hands. A gesture that had her blushing.

“You promise you won't drop me?” She asked.

“Only a fool would drop a girl like you.” You responded with a teasing grin.

With that, she took her first step onto the lake. Staring back up in awe at you. Grabbing your forearm as you lead her deeper into the center. A flurry of fireflies surrounding you both.

You took that as a cue to use the rest of your nen. Conjuring up little instruments back on the shore. Two marionettes, one a jester and one a ballerina, began to play. A somber jazz melody filled the air causing Palm to look around.

“I thought some slow dancing would be a nice way to end the day.” You redirected. Guiding her arms to your shoulders as you placed yours on her waist. Swaying her softly to the music while she continued to look up at you flustered.

“This is…I've never experienced something so special before.” Palm said at last.

You could feel affection swell in her aura, and you really didn't know how to take it. You were flattered but…Nevermind. You just had to finish the day. Get through this part and make it memorable. And then, you'd get the quiet you desperately craved.

The music had swelled to a part you remembered. It had been an oldie. But regardless, it remained something from the better part of your childhood. One of Kari’s favorites too.

“Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me.”

So you treated it like one of your favorites too. Leading while you danced. Every turn, every spin, every dip was precise in a way that felt effortless. The sun vanishing beyond the horizon and soon replaced by stars. The fireflies illuminated the lake, creating something that mimicked a fairytale.

Beautiful and serene.

You wished you could've done more today. Enjoyed yourself more. God knows these would be the last memories you'd be creating. But you just weren't that person anymore. You'd changed. You would have liked to say for the better, but you were a fuck up everytime. Amounting to nothing no matter the outcome. You shouldn't have wasted the energy trying to keep up, but it's not like you needed it anymore.

You and Palm made your way back to the shore. All of your nen returning to you in a rush. Though you couldn't say you felt any better with it.

Your day was over.

“Thank you for everything,” Palm started.

And so too was the pathetic life you lived.

“I really enjoyed myself.” She looked up at you with rosy cheeks.

“Me too.” You expected it to end there. Preparing to leave when what she did next caught you off guard.

Palm had leaned forward with her lips slightly puckered. Your reaction was slow, but just before she reached you, you'd leaned back. Placing your hands on her shoulders to keep her at a distance. Your face scorching hot as your mind raced a thousand miles a second.

She wanted to kiss you. And maybe you should have let her. It would have made the night all the more magical, right? But this wasn't just any kiss. It would have been your first. And you wanted your first kiss to be with….

An image of a certain silver haired hunter flashed in your mind.

Your heart already belonged to someone else. Someone you weren't even sure was okay. Who you still had no idea about what happened to him. But you didn't mind. You'd wait forever if it meant there was a chance to see him again. Or you would have if your circumstances were different.

All you could do now was hope he'd turn out okay. Continue living his life to the fullest.

“I'm sorry. I'd really like to return your feelings, but I just can't. I…” I'm in love with a man who's probably dead. It didn't feel right to bring that up. Because saying it, meant you had to admit it to yourself. And you were the furthest thing ready from that.

“What? Why not?” You could feel her bloodlust start to spike. The feeling mixing with red hot anger.

So you brought up the only thing that could possibly get you off the hook.

“We're not right for each other, and you know that. You love someone else…and so do I. And that's okay. We had fun. We got to enjoy each other's company today. And that's okay, too. But just because today was great, that doesn't mean we're meant to be together.” Your words were cooing. Like you were explaining something to the boys.

Palm only stared at you in dead silence. Her anger retreating back.

“You told me about Knov earlier. It's clear he holds a very special place in your heart. Believe it or not, you hold one in his too. You're his only pupil. He practically lets you follow him around everywhere. And if he's willing to put up with you at your worst, that says something. Believe me, I would know a thing or two about that.”

Because Kite had done the same. From your temper to your breakdown, he'd stayed. Maybe he liked you back after all.

“Don't force yourself to be satisfied with somebody else, when you could be happy with him.”

You could feel her bloodlust simmer down until it fizzled out completely.

“...Do you really think…he likes me?” Her voice was shy, but it still had an edge to it. If you said something wrong, she'd snap.

And then it'd be back to square one.

“Yeah. Watch. He's gonna be happy to see you're okay. Now…Do you want me to walk you to your place?”

For the last time that night, you extended your hand. And for the last time, she took it. Her grip more assured and less timid.

—------------------

It was like Killua was stuck in time. Seeing the Chimera Ant get closer and closer with its fist raised. Its sights set on him. He willed his body to move. To dodge. Anything. But he stood paralyzed, preparing for the pain of a fist making contact with his stomach.

But it never came.

Gon had shoved him out of the way with a cry. Both of them toppling over each other and skidding a few feet.

‘Run.’

Killua froze once again at the sound of his brother's voice. He could see that Gon was talking, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear the concern. ‘Killua, are you okay? You have to get up. He's coming back! Move!’

He felt his body get shoved once more, except this time, Gon hadn't moved with him. Rammot lifting up his hand and slapping him without any restraint. Its bloodlust aiding in keeping him down. Gon was unable to defend against it with his own aura.

He was completely defenseless.

And yet…He was still giving it his all.

Killua could only watch in horror as he was tossed to the side. The boy in green trying his best to get up before Rammot kicked his stomach, once again sending him flying before his back made harsh contact with a tree.

“GON!”

The ant turned around with a sadistic grin. Almost giddy at the small assassin's destress. Blue eyes wide with an oh so delicious fear.

“Perfect! That's more like it! That terrified expression! I love that one! Now I really feel like killing you! Haha!” It laughed out before lunging once again.

‘Run’

No he couldn't just leave Gon. He had to stay. He had to keep him safe. He had to keep both of you s-

Rammot plunged its fist into his ribcage. The force sending him back. If he hadn't been guarding with nen, his ribs would've been completely shattered. But he still couldn't find it in himself to get up. His entire being shaking with uncertainty.

‘Avoid battles you can't be sure you'll win.’

But he had to win. He had to.

“I'm going to crush you two into a bloody pulp.” Rammot threatened. His feet blurring at the corner of Killua's vision. One lifting up and preparing to smash his skull in.

Yet his fight with Gon wasn't over. The boy in green forcing himself up and giving the hardest kick he could to the back of Rammot's head. Following it up with a barrage of punches.

But thanks to the ant’s body armor and newly found nen, it hardly felt the impact. Instead turning around with a wide grin.

“Back for more?” It taunted, wasting no time punching Gon in the stomach once again. Watching as he coughed up blood before inevitably collapsing. Unable to fight through the pain any longer.

The ant picked up his head from the ground. Staring joyfully into Gon's disgusted expression.

“What was it you said? I won’t be laying a finger on that human? How about I break all your limbs and make you watch as I devour their flesh. I’ll even save the head for last so you can say your goodbyes before I kill you next. Or better yet, give them to Pitou to add to their collection like that other human.”

Through his blurry gaze, through the immense pain, through every ache in his body, Gon willed himself to speak.

“How dare you. Touch them… and I’ll make you suffer.”

A threat you’d used many times. But somehow it felt heavier coming from him. A promise with the intent to follow through. Here Gon was, giving his all to protect you in every sense of the way. Here he was defending Killua even though he was vulnerable.

A sun with light so bright, its warmth could reach anyone.

A sun, being dimmed by someone like him.

A moon who only thrived off of the light from the sun.

“Stop! You can do whatever you want to me, just let him go!” Killua pleaded.

He wished you were here to protect them. But it was his fault you were gone in the first place.

Rammot let go of Gon's head. His body hitting the ground with a ‘thud.’ The ant turned to face him with a tilt of its head.

“Is that so? In that case, you'll be the first to die!”

Damnit.

God damnit.

‘When your enemy is unknown…' Illumi’s voice came again.

‘Run away.’

Hit after hit, he couldn't move. Getting kicked around the grass like a toy. Rolling to a stop before getting kicked once more. It hurt, but he had to endure it. He couldn't just leave Gon. He couldn't run away like a coward.

‘Run.’

But every time he disregarded his brother’s warning, a searing pain coursed through his head. A stinging, throbbing pain. As if being stabbed directly in his brain. It was torturous. It felt neverending and he just couldn't escape from the agony.

But then he heard it.

Your voice. Your morals. Your encouragement. Your warmth.

‘You don't leave your friends to die if you can save them.’

The stinging sensation seemed to dull.

‘As long as you two are okay…Don't mind dying.’

It gave him clarity.

You almost died to keep them safe. It was only right they returned the favor. Gon had already done what he could, so now it was Killua's turn to do what he couldn't.

The realization coming just as Rammot slammed its foot directly on Killua's spine. Again and again with a laugh.

“Now move! You can't, can you? Ha! Since you're frozen with fear!”

It gave a few more stomps before kicking him away again.

“Damn. This feels incredible. Should I kill him or the other one first? Maybe savor both. I can't decide!” The ant rambled to itself.

“Damnit! I can't get enough!”

Killua got up on shaky elbows. Pushing himself up. He'd already made up his mind.

‘Run. Hurry.’

No. Not this time.

He could feel himself crying. Seems it was all he was capable of doing today. Blubbering like a baby because nothing had gone his way. He'd been such a screw up.

‘Gon…

Y/n…

I will protect you…because…’

“Because we're friends.” He was nearing hysterics. Standing up as he clutched his head in pain. A broken sob leaving him before he shouted everything out.

“Do you hear me, Gon? You're my best friend! And Y/n? You're my big sibling! And I'm sorry for all the awful things I said this morning!”

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

His head. His heart. Everything. But Rammot only watched his breakdown stunned. Killua's destroyed expression sparking something cruel inside it.

“Stop that right now. Don't look at me like that. I can't hold it anymore. I'm gonna…Do it. I've gotta…”

The two enemies unable to hear the other through their own thoughts.

‘Run.’

Killua was fighting with his brother's voice. Through every wave of pain, he persisted.

‘Run.’

‘You can't tell me what-!’

‘Run, run, run.’

‘SHUT UP!’

“I don't ever want to lose them!” All he could see was the two most important people in his life. What he would be losing if he gave in.

‘Run.’

“They're my…”

‘Run.’

‘Goblins! The both of you!’

‘Looks like we really made them mad this time, Killua.’

‘Run.’

‘I thought you said you weren't our parent?'

'I'm not. It's called being a responsible adult. Now go and do one of those first things while I set up the bed. I know for a fact there's a 99% chance you'll throw down with the fitted sheet if you do it.'

'Come on, let's do what they ask before they decide to throw another pillow at you. And I don't think they'll miss this time.'

“They're my…”

His nails were scratching at his forehead. Completely unaware of Rammot's incoming attack.

“THEY’RE MY FAMILY!!! THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!”

He plunged his fingers into his skull and tugged. Itching at the part of his brain that hurt the most. As he pulled something out, he could have sworn he heard your voice.

“Atta boy.”

In a speed that rivaled yours, he dodged Rammot’s attack last second. Appearing behind him with a needle in his hand. The Chimera Ant baffled by his disappearance.

Killua couldn't help but lose what little love he had for his big brother in that moment. Laughing at the absurdity of what he'd done because you…You were nothing like Illumi. And he was a brat for making that comparison before. For even thinking it.

“He got me. Damn Illumi.” But despite the betrayal, he couldn't help but smile. If this was what was controlling him, what was stopping him from reaching his true potential…then now he was free. Free to fight besides his best friend, and free to stop letting his fear of being a burden get the best of him.

He turned around to face the ant. Explaining what happened even though he knew the ant could care less.

“Why the hell didn't I catch this before? He planted this deep inside my brain.”

“Huh? What're you saying? Are you nuts?” Now the ant was the one stood still. Unable to process that now, it was completely outclassed.

“How were you able to dodge that?”

But Killua ignored the question. Continuing to ramble on before releasing his ren. One that was cruel and dark. Not malicious, yet just as cutthroat.

“Now go and tell the other ants…If they even come near us, they're all gonna end up dead.” He warned.

Rammot seethed with anger at his words. A weak nothing was threatening him? How dare this human mock him. How dare it even think of doing so.

“WHY YOU!” The ant gave one last lunge forward.

“That so? Fine.” Killua was at his limit already. Drained in every sense of the word. So without much hesitation, he decapitated the ant in one go. Glaring at the thing that caused him so much trouble.

He didn't have any more sympathy to give. He was done with today. Crushing the ant's skull in his hand like nothing.

“Who cares?”

All he wanted to do was go back home and see you. Apologize for blaming you for everything. Take back what he said about you leaving.

Then….

The three of you could go back to normal.

You'd be the big sibling, and they'd be the little brothers.

He wasted no time making his way towards Gon. He was out cold. Killua turned him over, checking for any major injuries. When he found none, he tossed him over his shoulder and started making his way back. Gon was hurt, but it wasn't something he hadn't dealt with before. He'd be fine.

Both of them would be okay.

But not without talking to you first. He reached the spot where you and Palm had been sitting. You weren't there. He hoped with everything in him that you were back at the small home. That you hadn't left yet.

So he set his sights there.

—-------------------------

Somewhere along the way, Gon had woken up. His grip tightening slightly on Killua before he spoke.

“Killua? Did we-”

“I took care of it. We won't have to worry about seeing that guy again.” He responded. Already knowing what was on Gon's mind.

“And Y/n?”

“They weren't at the lake when I checked. But it's fine. I'll see them at home. You just rest. You're body needs it after what you just put it through.” It was meant to lighten the mood, but he didn't mean it any less.

Gon had pushed his body too far. If he were anybody else, Killua would have been pissed. But he was just relieved he hadn't sustained any major injuries. That he didn't have to leave him after all.

“...Okay…You're my best friend too, you know…” Sleep evident in Gon’s tone.

The words stopping Killua in his tracks. His expression shocked because - Gon had heard everything. He knew how important he was to Killua.

“What!?!?” But Gon was already snoring softly in his ears.

“Hey! You can't just pass out on me after saying stuff like that!”

He got no further response for the boy in green. So, with his cheeks red and a few grumbles, he continued on his way. How absolutely embarrassing. Yet it felt elating at the same time to know he was also important to Gon.

All that was missing was you.

—---------------------

The lights were off. Which meant…You hadn't come back yet. Or maybe you'd already left. A feeling of dread washed over him. Was he too late? He'd never be able to forgive himself if he was.

The door was still locked too. And as he walked inside, it felt empty. He placed Gon down on the couch before making his way over to your room. He gave a few knocks, but there was no response. In a last ditch effort he opened the door.

Your room was neater than how Palm left it. Your bed was also made eerily to perfection. No sign of you recently coming in. You weren't here. And it was already midnight. He was about to leave when something caught his eye.

Kite's hat was still on your nightstand.

You wouldn't have left it behind. It was too important to you. Then again, you were leaving them behind…But Kite was different. He'd always been different to you. Try as Killua might, he couldn't help but feel a spark of hope that you weren't gone yet. There was still a chance.

He exited your room just in time for the lights to come on. Standing still anxiously as you finished locking the door, unawares to his presence. All your energy from before seemed to be gone. You finally looked like yourself. But it all went away the second he called out to you.

“Y/n.”

You visibly tensed. A brief flash of shock before your expression went completely blank. You weren't expecting to see the boys. You thought they'd be asleep by now, or at the very least out of the house. You weren't ready for another confirmation. More screaming and arguing. You should've been gone already. It was clear your presence did more harm than good.

‘I hate you.’

‘You're a burden.’

‘If you cared you wouldn’t have abandoned us!’

“I just came to get a few things. If you'll excuse me…” You did your best to keep your tone steady. Not to let anything show. But still his words rung heavy in your head.

You wouldn't be dragging this out with a goodbye. You were only inconveniencing them the longer you stayed. Yet as you tried to push past Killua, he panicked.

“No!” he blurted out. Taking a few steps forward before he realized what he was doing. How this was already not going as planned.

“I uh…Can we please talk?” His tone was much softer than you were used to.

It had you eyeing him suspiciously. And now that you were actually seeing him, he was injured. Bruising accompanied by swelling. A queazy feeling settling in your stomach as you spotted red in the center of his forehead. The last thing you wanted was to appear weak at a time like this. So you turned your head away from him. An action that felt undeniably cruel.

But this is what he wanted, right? For you to stay out of his life. It was only common sense you should act like you already were.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

If you'd been looking, you would have seen the exact moment his heart broke. You didn't sound angry. You didn't say it to be petty. From his perspective, it felt like you really were done with him. You'd already moved on.

And he just couldn't accept that.

“What!?! Y/n please.”

Killua had never felt this pitiful in his entire life. So small. He never expected to be treated like a complete stranger from you. You were his big sibling. But it seemed like all the warmth from you had gone and faded away.

Why was he staring at you like that? Like your indifference was hurting him. Why was his aura flooded with regret and sorrow? Was he second guessing himself after all? Or was this a test? A trick? A way to lure you back in, only to spit in your face once again.

Tell you something sweet to then accuse you of not being enough again.

That was it right?

He'd blame you for his injuries next.

No.

They were the ones who followed you.

It wasn't your fault.

So why were you blaming yourself? If you'd been there, would the results have been different?

‘You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep.’

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.’

No. No it wouldn't have. There were just some people who you'd never be able to make happy. No matter what you did. And unfortunately, it was always the people you cared the most about. Your body once again shutting down at the thought.

“... I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. Can't you just write it in a note or something?” You didn't mean for it to be that harsh, but it was the only way to get your message across.

You were done.

And the longer you were pestered about it, the sooner you'd snap.

What was this? Why were you acting like this? Cruel. Detached. You'd wanted to fix things earlier, right? So what happened? What the hell happened? How far had he gone for you to treat him like this?

He didn't mean it. Any of it. And he needed you to know that. He took a few more steps forward, tears once again brimming his eyes. How many times had he cried today?

How many times had been because of you?

“Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.” He'd said it. Gon said all he had to do was apologize. And if that still wasn't enough, then he'd do whatever it took for you to forgive him.

But your response was the last thing he was expecting.

“... Okay…”

One word.

One single word that was meant to brush him off.

And he couldn't help but become desperate for something more. A response that wasn't empty. That wasn't cold.

“Okay? Okay!?! What's wrong with you!?!? Don't you care!?! All you have to say to me is ‘okay’!?!”

And the damm had finally broke.

“Tell me you hate me! That you never want to see me again!!! Just say something more than okay!”

You'd opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to figure out something to say. You didn't want to argue anymore. You were tired of it. Tired of today completely.

“You're gonna wake him up if you keep screaming.” You gestured towards Gon.

An action so baffling, it made his jaw drop. This was it. You were officially done. But he wasn't ready to let you go. He couldn't stand knowing they mattered so little to you. He couldn't stand you not knowing how much you meant to the both of them.

“Like I said. I need to grab a few-” But before you could get the words out, Killua had rushed over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your middle sobbing.

“I'm sorry, don't leave! Please!”

Hug him back, please. He needed you to hug him back. To say things would be okay. He needed you to stay.

You placed your hand on his head. And for a second, he thought the situation would end there. That you wouldn't leave after all. It had him believing everything would be okay. That you'd ruffle his hair and make him promise not to say anything like that again. But instead, that brief moment of contact was used to push him away from you.

Making him stumble back in shock.

As if you were swatting away a pest. Like he was inconveniencing you by holding on. And that was what broke him completely.

You were done with them.

You didn't have to say it for him to know…You hated him.

He could take a lot of things. He'd endured the worst kinds of torture for years from his family. He'd been forced to see carnage at such a young age. He'd always been treated like some kind of trophy instead of a person. And he never once complained. He never once argued with what was forced upon him.

But this...This he couldn't take.

You pushing him aside to enter your room. Like you were dead set on being out of his life. So once again, he wasted no time clinging onto you. Feet almost dragging on the floor as you tried to move forward. Burying his face against your side.

“I don't care if you hate me! If you don't want me anymore! Don't leave! Don't just leave us here by ourselves!”

You'd placed your hand on his head once more. You were gonna push him away again. And the fear pushed him to speak from the depths of his soul. A plea for you to stop.

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear!?!? I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you gone! Don't-Don’t give up because I was being stupid!”

Your movements stopped. Listening to Killua's cries in silence. Taking in everything. This was also a song and dance you'd done before. Love that was given, then taken for no other reason than because you'd messed up.

Love you?

It was enough to break you too. An ugly feeling clutching at your heart. One that was tired of the constant push and pull between love and hate. Killua unable to know he'd resurfaced a trauma so deep and scarred from your childhood.

‘You are very important, little one. So very gifted, and you never fail to make me proud.’

‘Taking the fall again? You know better than to lie to me.’ A slap to your face. Then another one.

‘My pride and joy. You're a one of a kind prodigy.’

‘Disgraceful what you've done. Forsaking the name given to you just to act foolish? Tainting the clan that graciously welcomed you with open arms. Your punishment is total isolation for a week. Now get out of my sight.’

“Stop talking. I know what you're doing. I'm not an idiot.” Your tone accusing. And before Killua could explain anything, you'd shoved him off of you once more. Now glaring with a look that could only be described as hate.

“What? Did something else go wrong that you want me to fix? Well I'm done being the fixer. I'm done with your problems always being my fault. You only want me here to have someone to blame, right?”

You pointed directly at him. Shaking your head before you clasped it tightly in your hands. A cruel grin on your face while he saw you cry for the very first time.

“I didn't do anything wrong! I'm not perfect, but I'm not the cause of all your problems!” You hadn't been here today. It couldn't have possibly been your fault this time.

But maybe somehow it had.

“I didn't make things worse intentionally!”

It was then that Killua realized what was happening. He thought he had it bad but…you had it worse. His heart ached for you while you continued to break right in front of him.

“I told you-I told you I can't always get things right! But of course I'm older! It's always my fault! I'm the strongest! So everything falls on me when someone gets hurt!” You let out a laugh. One that sounded defeated.

Your eyes met his and you gestured to yourself frantically.

“Haven't I done enough for you!?!?” Your voice seeming to bounce off the walls. The space falling into silence.

They'd put too much on your shoulders. Or maybe the weight had already been there. Carried over from what you'd experienced previously. Now it was Killua's turn to try and comfort you. His turn to lift your burdens. But he didn't get the chance to.

“Why-Why am I never good enough?” It was a whisper at this point.

You weren't good enough for Reik.

You weren't good enough for Kari.

You weren't good enough for Kite.

You weren't good enough for Gon and Killua.

You will never be good enough.

“You are enough.” Killua's voice snapping you from your spiral. The very same words you didn't get a chance to say this morning.

But somehow you just couldn't believe them yet. Then you'd heard it. Her.

'I love you, you're here with me. You're safe with me. Let me protect you for now. Just until you get your strength back.'

He was trying, wasn't he?

“Then why? Why don't I feel like it?”

The small assassin was at a loss of words. Who did this to you? Who had ruined you so completely that you couldn't put yourself back together. He took a step towards you, but you'd put your hand up to stop him.

“You know what? I don't care anymore. Say whatever you want, I'm done.” You wiped your eyes and instead of going towards your room, you started towards the front door.

Killua had to try one more time. Now that he knew what you really thought of yourself. So he grabbed your wrist this time. Funny how now the roles were reversed this time.

“Don't leave.”

You tried to pull your arm away.

“We can't do this without you. We've only gotten this far because of you. You're- You're-”

It was hard to put into words just how much you'd changed their lives. How important you were. But he needed to. Especially now that you had stopped trying to pull yourself away.

“All my family has ever done is use me. They have this image in their head of what I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to become. But you've never done that. When I'm with you and Gon, it's like I can finally be someone I'm proud of. I've never had someone care about me like you. But maybe I've taken advantage of that. Maybe I've been doing to you what my family has been doing to me. Expecting you to fit this image of what I think is a perfect big sibling.

But you're not perfect. And neither am I. And that's okay. I don't want you to be perfect because then you're not you. You're not the one who calls us goblins or chases us around when you're upset. You're a stranger. I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning, and I regretted it ever since. I do want you in my life. Both of us want you to stay. Please…”

You'd collapsed on your knees crying. And he wasted no time kneeling besides you. Pulling you into a hug.

“I really can't keep doing this. It's unfair when I leave, and I know that. But do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I'm not safe. I can't risk anything happening to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it happened again.” Losing another kid, it would kill you.

“But when you tell me you need me, then say you want nothing to do with me…it's cruel. It's-its-!” It's just like Father.

“You don't know, you can't possibly have known, but I've always been measured by my worth. What I'm capable of doing just for a moment of normalcy. Of being wanted. It's not your fault.. but I can't keep doing this.”

You can't keep losing your purpose in life.

Being praised for completing missions. Then being hit for failing. Being told you were burdening your clan for making a mistake. Being isolated in the dark for messing up. Only for him to pretend like it never happened.

The constant push and pull of love and hate. Of being praised and belittled.

You couldn't do it again.

But kids tended to be unsure about their own feelings. You couldn't put it on them for saying things when they were upset. But goddamit, what about when you were upset. Who was there to be understanding for you when things went wrong?

Nobody.

You were just supposed to take it.

Endure it.

Killua hugged you a little tighter.

“I didn't mean it.” He reaffirmed.

Your tears finally slowing down.

“We're your little brothers. And we love you. I love you. But I'd just like to know why you keep leaving. And if you're not ready to talk about that yet, it's fine. We'll both always be here if you need us. You don't have to bottle things up anymore.”

The same thing Kite had said to you when you lost control.

And he'd meant it just as much.

Not a single trace of deceit in his aura.

So you allowed yourself to believe it one last time. Knowing you wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't true again.

You at last returned the hug. Engulfing the small assassin in your arms.

“You can't ever say those things again to me, okay?” Your voice was smaller than it had ever been. Almost scared with the slight waiver to it.

“I promise. I'm not gonna make you deal with everything anymore. If something's wrong, we'll deal with it together.” And finally he heard it for real this time.

“Atta boy.”

It was almost enough to make him cry again. That was until the couch started rustling. A flash of green peaking over at the scene.

“So are you two good now?” Gon asked.

The both of you looking over in shock.

“Hey! You heard everything again!?!? How many times are you gonna pretend to be asleep!?! You know it's very rude to eavesdrop!!!!” Killua scolded. His face a bright red.

And before he could roughhouse with the other one, you let out a laugh. A real laugh. Your laugh. And you'd finally given your real smile.

“Get over here,” you encouraged.

Gon bolting from the couch and stumbling over into one side of your open arms. You gave both boys a squeeze.

“I love you both, my little sun and moon.”

Maybe….

Maybe you were just about ready to tell them everything.

----------------------------

Not so Fun Fact #15: Y/n is very squeamish with touch. Especially around their face, due to what they experienced as a child.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm

MASTERLIST

An: Let me know which line hit you in the feels the most. For future references 👀👀👀. And by reference I mean to make Gon's fight absolutely devastating. Or just the final stretch of the Chimera Ant Arc entirely.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader???#big sib reader #older reader #found family #x reader #platonic #moon and sun insert

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crusty-chronicles · 4 months

Text

I Saw Mommy/Daddy Kissing Santa Clause 🫣

Moon and Sun Christmas Special

Synopsis: Christmas Special with ✨ special surprise guests✨ crossover episode????? Just like last time, takes place after the events of our story, so minor spoilers.

An: A lot of Kite loving because of what I have to write in our next chapter. LET ME HAVE THIS BEFORE I TRAUMATIZE ALL THE CHARACTERS AGAIN 😭😭😭😭. I'm begging!

It was surprising to say the least, that you'd ever find yourself surrounded by so many people. You were used to flying solo. To shivering in the cold this time of year. You never thought you'd get this far in life. Being able to experience so much love and warmth at once.

Yet here you are with three kids who you cherished as your own, and a partner who supported you through all your endeavors with unwavering patience.

And friends.

You'd actually managed to make friends along the way. Though some of them weren't exactly human, and one of them was a huge ass. But friends nonetheless.

You'd gained so much this past year. And now you'd get to enjoy them in full with an upcoming Christmas party. Though a part of you was still uneasy at the prospect.

And why is that you may ask?

Well, like with most holidays and events, you'd never been given the chance to celebrate before. The lights, the gift giving, the little traditions each family had was all very new to you. You were familiar with a few carols, but that was about it. You knew something like this took a lot of planning, so the last thing you wanted to do was mess it up for everyone.

Then there was the fact that the party was back at Gon’s home on Whale Island. (Who'd been more than enthusiastic to celebrate with all his new friends.) Where you'd meet his aunt Mito for the first time. Considering how terribly things went when you and Kurapika were introduced to each other, you were a little worried. You wanted nothing more than to get along well with her. She was arguably one of the most important people in Gon's life.

So after making sure your own affairs were in order, you and Kite hopped on the earliest airship for Whale Island. Or rather, the closest you could get to it before boarding a small boat that would take you the rest of the way there.

So much effort to reunite your makeshift family. But it would be worth it in the end. Seeing ‘your kids’ smile would be more than worth it.

“You nervous?” Kite asked from besides you.

“A little. I mean, I'm basically meeting his mom. If she doesn't like me I'm pretty much screwed.” You admitted.

He placed a hand on yours and gave a reassuring squeeze. Your nerves lessening at the contact.

“She will. You've got a knack for growing on people when you try. And I'm sure she appreciates you looking after Gon for as long as you did.”

You allowed yourself to relax at his words. Leaning your head on his shoulder and clutching his hand a little tighter.

“I hope you're right.”

“Have I ever been wrong before?”

You could hear the smile in his voice. And while you knew he'd never once steered you wrong, you wanted to pull his leg a bit. A part of you that just couldn't help but tease your partner.

“Not recently, no.”

He gave a light flick to your forehead before trying to untangle his hand from yours.

“Wait, wait, wait! Baby I was teasing, don't be so mean,” you pleaded. Locking him in a death grip.

“Yeah? We'll see how far teasing gets you with Mito.” He bit back, something you always liked about Kite.

He relented and let you cuddle back close after a few more minutes. Almost laughing at how quickly you melted against him. Though he couldn't really blame you. You weren't exactly a fan of the cold. And now that it was snowing, you were clingier than usual. As if trying to steal his warmth.

You were content to bask in the comfortable silence until you reached your destination, but something caught your eye. Something you didn't have a chance to bring up before you left. The rush to get here in time stopping you.

“You know it's nice to see some color on you. I don't think I've ever seen you wear red.” You addressed, referring to the new hat on his head. One that resembled the former blue. Except for the fuzzy pom on the back that gave it a festive appearance.

“Well ever since you stole my favorite hat, I've had to change up my usual look.” Kite responded playfully.

“If I recall correctly, you gave it to me after pissing me off.” You returned it with your own voice full of mirth.

“Yeah, I was scared you'd bite.”

“If you miss it so much, why don't I give it back?”

You looked up only to see his expression soften. A fond look that had your heart beating a little faster in your chest.

“Because it suits you better.” And then he turned away from you. A telltale sign he was embarrassed. His voice coming out almost shy when he spoke next.

“I like when you wear my clothes.”

A small smile made its way to your face. Remembering when he'd told you he liked your scent, and connecting that to why he didn't mind when you borrowed his stuff. Similar to the reason you stole them in the first place.

“I know.” You leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. Watching as his face reddened.

“Now Boarding: Whale Island!” A gruff voice announced.

“That's our cue lover boy.”

—-----------------------

Your mood immediately soured when you stepped out into the cold. A singular snowflake landing on the tip of your nose as if to mock you. It was no secret you despised rain with every fiber in your being. Snow was a close second. It was just frozen rain that left you twice as cold.

You didn't exactly have fond memories of winter either, and Kite could relate to your sentiment. He used to dread the colder seasons, but that was before he met Ging. Before he had his team.

You were a slightly different case, having been out on the streets a little longer than him. But you weren't alone anymore. You didn't have to worry about freezing or scrounging around for food. About trying to find some cover from the cold.

You'd always have a home as long as you were with him.

A reason to start enjoying the little things in life you've held a grudge against since childhood.

So when he felt you start to lag behind, he turned around and waited. Watching you hide your hands in your jacket to try and save them from the cold. A displeased frown on your face as you tried not to slip on the frozen grass. An expression he'd call comically grumpy.

You never did like the outdoors. But maybe he could help change that. At least this factor of being out. When you finally caught up, he coaxed your hands out of your pockets. Pulling them up and engulfing them with his. Blowing lightly to help warm them.

A gesture he noticed had your face heating up.

“I know you hate the snow, but maybe I can give you a reason to enjoy it again?” His voice was soft as he continued to hold your hands.

The warmth returning to your fingertips had you giving him a grateful look. It was surprising how you managed to fall deeper in love with the man before you. Then again, it was small things like this that had you falling in the first place. Giving patience and understanding.

You realized that standing here with him, being the object of such a loving gaze…It was more than enough for you to despise the cold a little less.

“I'd like that.”

Another flurry landed on your nose, but you didn't pay it any mind this time. Subconsciously leaning closer to your partner. The same time he shifted his face a little closer to yours. And right before you could meet him halfway-

“Y/N!” A familiar voice shouted before you were tackled down to the side.

An ‘oof!’ escaping you from the force. Arms quickly wrapped themselves around you in a hug that took the air straight from your lungs. You could make out a flash of green in your discombobulated state, already knowing who the culprit was.

“Hey, munchkin,” you wheezed out. You might or might not have been slightly disappointed to have your moment ruined. But the eyes beaming back at you with so much affection made up for it.

“I'm so happy the two of you could make it! We've been waiting for you all morning.” Gon released you and immediately enveloped Kite in another bone crushing hug. To which he responded by giving a pat on the head.

“We? Where are the other two demons?” You asked as you stumbled your way back up.

“I wanted to be the one to come get you, so Killua and Alluka stayed back to help my Aunt get everything ready.” He answered.

The three of you starting your trek to his home. Making small talk of what you've been up to these past two months. And while the answer for you and Kite was obvious, you were a little surprised to learn Gon had been spending time here with Mito.

Good. He deserved some time to relax after everything.

“Just so I'm not caught off guard again, who else did you invite this time?” You wanted to know if you should mentally prepare to see Kurapika there.

You two weren't on the worst of terms anymore, but it was still too tense for you to be comfortable.

“Mostly everyone from the extermination team. Bisky and Master Wing, too. Which reminds me…” Gon looked back at you with a thoughtful expression.

“You haven't met Zushi yet. I think you'll really like him.”

You briefly remembered him and Killua telling you about the boy they met at Heaven's Arena. The one who although wasn't as strong, had just as much ambition and heart to make up for it.

“I'm sure I will if he's a friend of yours. Is that everyone?

“Hmmm, oh! My dad's coming.”

You and Kite looked at each other in surprise. Shocked that Ging would actually put in the effort to come. Maybe he'd gone a little soft traveling around with his kid?

“Really? How'd you get him to commit?” Kite questioned.

He knew Ging had a habit of making himself scarce last minute. And of saying things he really didn't mean…And not really liking being surrounded by so many people. Maybe that was why you two got along decently well.

“I didn't. I think it was something Y/n told him. You know they can be really scary when they're mad.”

You decided to ignore that one. Instead taking a second to remember if you'd threatened the former zodiac.

“Oh. I got after him for missing Halloween and told him I'd shave his head if he missed Christmas, too.”

“Yeah that checks out.” Kite confirmed, which earned him a playful bump to his shoulder.

It wasn't long after that the three of you finally reached Gon's home. It was a rustic looking building with a chimney on top. Smoke actively coming through it. It definitely felt like the type of place he would grow up in.

Cozy with a hospital feel to it.

He unlocked the door and ushered the two of you in.

“I'm home! And I brought guests!” Gon called out.

“We're in the kitchen!” A voice sounded off. Mito’s, you assumed. Followed by the clanking of pots.

“You can set your stuff down over there,” Gon offered. Pointing towards an unoccupied corner where there were already several bags placed down.

Weird. You shrugged the thought off and left your backpack with Kite following suit. The former silver haired hunter taking your hand and giving a reassuring squeeze as you approached the kitchen.

‘Well, here goes nothing.’

You walked in to see Alluka vigorously stirring a bowl with Killua cutting up some vegetables besides her. Your eyes drifting past them and towards the two women fussing over the stove. One who looked to be in her late twenties/early thirties and another who was far older.

This kid had a grandma and didn't even tell you!?! If you'd known, you would have brought her something too.

But there was still one more person in the room you hadn't identified yet, and it was…Ikalgo? The octopus ant busied himself with cleaning up any spills the kids made.

Gon really wasn't kidding when he said he invited the extermination team. Ants included. Though you really didn't mind, not anymore. They deserved to have a normal life like everyone else. To enjoy a normal life.

“You better not cut yourself with that knife, gremlin.”

The sound of your voice catching everyone's attention. A beat of silence before Alluka jumped off her chair and ran over.

“Momma/Pappa! Daddy!” She did her best to wrap her arms around you both. Rambling happily about how she'd been tasked with baking the cookies. Looking up at the two of you before pointing towards Kite's hat.

“Ooh! You're wearing a hat like Santa's! Don't let momma/Pappa take it from you. You look nice with it.”

Her words instantly instantly melting both of your hearts. With Kite leaning down slightly to address her.

“I won't, so don't you worry.”

She beamed before making space for Killua, who looked like he was going in for a hug at first. Only to grab at you and Kite's intertwined hands, hastily pulling them apart with a glare.

“Didn't I already lay out the ground rules? No hand holding! No hugging! No kissing!”

“Killua!” You scolded. You would have found the situation funny had it not been happening to you. Thirteen and he still had a problem with you dating.

“I said no! And if I catch you doing any of those, I'll zap you.” He threatened. Summing a bolt of electricity to prove his point.

At his mini fit, the other two women laughed. With who you guessed was Mito trying to hide hers by covering her mouth.

“I take it your Y/n?” She asked before her gaze shifted towards Kite.

“And you're Kite?”

The two of you nodded with your partner extending his hand forward.

“It's nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. I'm glad I finally got to meet the people who Gon just won't stop talking about.”

“Moooom!” Gon complained. Not wanting Mito to start spilling all his secrets.

“What? It's true. What was it you said? That it was like having a second home?” She teased.

The boy in green his his face in embarrassment while Killua snickered besides him.

“That’s news to me. When he's with us it's always ‘my Aunt Mito used to do this’ and ‘my Aunt Mito taught me how to do that.' You added on. An ‘oh no they're conspiring’ coming from Gon.

“Oh does he?”

You knew then and there that you'd get along with her just fine.

“Let's continue this conversation later. We can trade stories without being interrupted,” she suggested.

“Noooo! That's not fair.”

“Anyways, make yourselves at home. The others went to go get some more ‘supplies’ for us adults.”

“Others?” Kite questioned.

“Yeah. Morel, Knuckle, and Shoot got here before you guys,” Killua answered.

“They also brought Meleleron, so that's about half of us.”

At least you two hadn't gotten here last. You'd arrived just in time to help by the looks of it. You looked to Kite for confirmation before offering.

“Is there anything you need us to do?”

“Well-” before she could finish, the three kids rushed your partner.

“Tree! Tree! Tree!” They chanted before pulling him into the living room. A very confused expression on his face as he was hauled away.

“We kinda waited for Kite to decorate the tree. He's the tallest and Alluka wanted to be picked up to put the star,” Ikalgo explained before bustling after them.

“Hey! Make sure they don't work him too hard! And keep them out of trouble!” you instructed.

“You got it!” Followed by the sound of a box falling.

You cringed at the sound before facing Mito again.

“I'm sorry about that.”

“Don't be. Kids are a handful at this age. I'm surprised they didn't break anything sooner,” she assured.

“You're telling me. They go through phones like water. I wished they'd be a little more careful but-”

“Boys will be boys.” You said in synch.

You gave a small laugh.

“You too huh? I can't even begin to count all the times they've gotten into trouble. You know when I first met them, they were being tracked down by some psycho. Then forced to play killer dodgeball.”

“That sounds like Gon. Adventurous as he is, he just can't avoid getting scuffed up in the process. I let him explore the woods once when he was smaller. Turns out he wondered into a fox bear’s territory. He came back covered in scrapes. He's lucky he didn't get eaten.”

It was a story you'd heard before from the young boy himself. But a different perspective didn't make it any less interesting. You were grateful to have another person to relate to. You were also relieved she didn't seem to hate you for having an important place in Gon's life like Killua's mother.

Then again, his whole family was crazy.

“Well he is Ging's son. I wouldn't expect any less of him. Getting into trouble seems to run in the family,” the older woman spoke at last.

“Explain the other kid then. The two of them together summon pennywise the clown. Our poor Halloween was ruined. I'd place my money on them being cursed.” you joked.

“Maybe it's just a boy thing?” She suggested.

You felt like you were a kid again. Gossiping and chatting with the adults while your peers played out in the snow. It was nice.

“Speaking of Ging, did you know he's coming over?” You asked.

“I did.” Mito confirmed.

“And how do you feel about that?”

You knew the two of them hadn't left things off on good terms. With Mito suing him over custody over Gon. But despite that, Ging hadn't really held a grudge over it. That didn't mean Mito didn't.

“I'm not exactly happy to be seeing him again. He was a prick for most of his life,” Venom in her tone. But it was quickly replaced by something more somber.

“...but Gon's been wanting to spend more time with him. He's actually looking forward to it. And if seeing my cousin's stupid face is enough to make him happy, then I'm okay with it.”

You gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sure he appreciates you making the effort. And hey, I've got some dirt on Ging if he gets on your nerves.”

You eyed each other with evil grins.

“Do tell.”

“You ever heard of a pregnancy stone?”

—-------------------

A few hours had passed, and by now the rest of the guests had arrived. Knov and Plam were first. Followed by Wing and Zushi. The latter having run off exploring with the other three kids. Then Bisky, who'd gasped when she saw you.

‘Look at you! I see the bags under your eyes finally left! You seem happier.’

And then she proceeded to hound you for details regarding your relationship. You had a feeling she was already tipsy before she arrived. Your suspicions being confirmed when she loudly announced-

“It's no fair. First you managed to pull a beautiful lady like Palm, and now you have that hunk keeping you warm! Tell me your secrets!”

You wasted no time slapping a hand over her mouth. Feeling eyes on you as you walked Bisky to the couch.

“Haha, that's enough alcohol for the day.” Your voice coming out awkward. Not noticing the way Kite's head had ducked down in embarrassment during his conversation with Knuckle. Not really wanting to discuss your relationship either. He'd prefer that to stay private.

And judging by the way you were handling the situation, so did you.

“And that kids, is why we don't drink.” You said before turning around.

Your usual group of three was now four. With Killua scowling at Bisky for her comment. His expression softening at a tug to his sleeve from Nanika.

“Can we make cookies big brother?”

“Yeah, but we have to ask Gon’s aunt first. Remember her house, her rules.” He explained.

Nanika's empty eyes then looked up to Gon. Giving a pleading expression.

“I'm sure she wouldn't mind. As long as we're supervised.” He assured.

With that, the five of you were making your way to the kitchen. The previous batter chilling in the fridge. What would end up becoming your back up cookies because the kiddos wanted to make a new batch together.

“Okay, let's see if we can't make something edible. Have any of you baked before?” You asked.

All four of them shook their heads no. You should have taken that as a sign to ask Mito for help.

“I'm pretty sure we need flour,” Zushi suggested.

“Flour, got it. Any idea how many cups?” You reached for a measuring cup.

“If we're gonna make a lot of cookies, then we should use a lot of flour. Try four cups.” Gon instructed. And because he actually had some decent cooking experience, you believed in him.

Oh how wrong you were. The process was akin to the blind leading the blind. The five of you none the wiser to anybody's mistakes. Sugar? Five cups duh. Cookies had to be sweet, as per Killua's thought process. Baking powder or baking soda? Throw a tablespoon of both in there was Nanika's suggestion.

Butter? Let's toss two sticks in for texture. Liquid! We can't forget liquid, you'd reminded. Resulting in you eyeballing the amount of milk. An egg? Yeah, let's crack one of those babies open. By the time you were finished, the mixture was solid enough to put in some Christmas molds and into the oven.

“Cookies take about 15 minutes, right?” You questioned.

“Sounds about right,” Gon confirmed.

The five of you waited for them to come out. A surprisingly pleasant smell wafting through the air. And when you'd pulled them out, they looked like regular sugar cookies. But you should've known better. You couldn't cook for the life of you, yet somehow you managed to make something edible.

It was fishy.

You didn't have time to worry about it though. A knock on the door catching your attention. You offered to get it, telling the kids to let the cookies cool before answering it. On the other side stood a very familiar ruins hunter who'd made it after all.

“You!” You pointed at him. And before he could get so much as a word out, you dragged him inside and sat him down next to Kite. He flashed him a ‘what the hell is going on’ look to which the other just shrugged.

“Sit. Wait right here.” you ordered.

“Why?”

“Me and the kids made cookies. As a father, you've gotta try them. And no matter how bad you think they are, you say you love them.” At least you figured that was how it worked.

“So I have to lie if they taste like shit?” His bluntness making you glare.

“Yup, because your boy took the effort to help make them. And if Kite has to try them, so do you.”

Ging glanced over at him, trying to find an out and regretting his decision to come.

“Don't look at me. Have you seen what I'm up against?” Kite gestured towards the three kids looking hopefully up at him. With Zushi doing the same to poor Wing.

“If I get food poisoning, does that mean I get to go home early.”

You pinched harshly at Ging's cheek before grabbing a small serving tray. Placing several of the festive cookies on top before making your way back to the living room. The four kids eagerly eyeing the adults for their reactions.

“At the same time?” Wing asked. The other two men begrudgingly nodded. One of them knowing damn well if you were in the kitchen, it'd end badly.

With a count of three, they each took a small bite. Immediately Wing started coughing. Covering his mouth as he sputtered for a proper response. How was it dry and soggy at the same time????

Zushi looked up at him worried.

“Is that a good reaction???? Don't tell me…” Eyes widening at the thought he'd poisoned his teacher.

Wing stopped him from walking over. Trying to give a nonchalant wave of his hand while he continued to cough.

“These are-these are really good.” His voice coming out in a higher pitch.

“Have you considered becoming a chef?”

Zushi beamed up proudly at him. Hugging his arm with a ‘I knew you'd like them.’ Your other three monsters still waiting for feedback.

Kite tried his best not to look affected. Key word: tried. But the fact that the taste was both burnt and sickeningly sweet wasn't making it easy on him. It was an internal battle to swallow without gagging.

“Mhm. It's got an interesting flavor.” His own voice coming out strained.

Nanika and Killua high-fiving at the ‘success.’ But you knew. You could tell just by looking at the discomfort on their faces. Buuuut, there was a reason you weren't the one eating. And you were not going to be the one to crush the kids’ dreams.

A game of sorts, to see who would crack first. Surprisingly, it wouldn't be Ging. Who'd made the mistake of popping the whole thing in his mouth. Sitting deathly still with wide eyes.

“It's uh, certainly an experience. Wow.”

And it was enough for all four kids to celebrate. Cheering before making their way to the kitchen to clean up. But not before Knuckle decided to try his luck. Walking over to the serving tray with a ‘You're overreacting. They can't be that bad.’

Only to take a bite and instantly regret it. His face scrunching into itself as if tasting something sour. Going to spit it out before the sound of Morel's voice filled the air.

“What's wrong? Go on swallow. Or are you not man enough?”

He gave a glare at his master's taunt. Taking a few seconds before attempting to get it down. Only for his stomach to heave it back up. Making a dash for the restroom while the others have a laugh at his reaction.

So maybe you couldn't bake either. Lesson learned.

—-------------------------

It'd been a little chaotic after that with the kids competing against each other. Gingerbread houses that were more frosting than gingerbread being judged. Only for Gon and Killua to sabotage each other by tipping their houses over. Paper snowflakes that ended in minor cuts. With all three of the boys giving up in favor of playing swords with the scissors. Alluka being the only one to complete hers. And of course, who could forget building snowmen. All four of them kicking down each other's before it inevitably ended in a snow fight. At which point they decided to team up against you.

To which you responded by asking for back up. Using the many arms of Ikalgo to throw more snow at them, along with the invisibility of Meleleron to launch surprise attacks.

You came back in cold and sniffling for a small break. Stumbling upon most of the adults with drinks in their hands. You supposed someone had to watch the kids while the adults had fun. But to be fair, you weren't really a drinker, so you couldn't complain.

You made your way to the kitchen in the hopes of finding some hot chocolate. Only to look down at the sink and see the leftover dishes from the kids. You let out a small sigh before starting to clean up. You were a guest after all. It'd be rude to leave Mito with all the work while you were out having fun. Your thoughts stopping as you heard footsteps approach.

You turned around to see Kite. A small smile making it's way to your face as he helped you finish up. Leaning forward and resting his weight against your back.

“Call me selfish, but I'm glad you managed to get away from the kids for a bit. I get to keep you to myself for a moment.” He admitted.

“And why's that? We practically spend every waking moment together. Don't tell me you're jealous?” You teased, grateful to have his warmth again.

“...No. But we're at a party and I've hardly talked to my own partner. I'd like to borrow you back please.” He lightly nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. The ticklish sensation making you laugh.

“You have me. I guess I'm a little excited to be celebrating. Can't help but get caught up in their excitement too.”

“Well, there's one tradition we haven't done yet.”

“And what's that?”

Kite angled your head up.

“We're under a mistletoe.”

At that, your face went hot. Your teasing expression turning shy. You were briefed in on some of the common traditions. Mistletoe being one of them just in case. And even though you thought it was strange, you couldn't help but find it endearing. Especially when the requests was coming from Kite.

“You wanna kiss me?” You asked.

“Do you want to?” It was shy. Coming from a place of not wanting to make you uncomfortable. Your heart melting at the fact.

“Yes.”

You leaned closer to each other. Warmth radiating off and mingling with the others. And just when your lips were about to touch, a loud zapping sound startled you both. Stumbling over each other before looking up to see the mistletoe charred.

“Hey! What did I say about kissing!?!?” Killua scolded, hiding Alluka's eyes with his hand. Gon and Zushi behind him giggling.

“And anyways, there's not a mistletoe anymore, so I better not catch you again!” Then he ran up to you and started dragging you away.

“Y/n!!! Let's go make snow angels!”

You gave an apologetic look towards Kite before once again getting dragged away. The taller male shaking his head with a small smile. It was always a handful taking care of the trio. But they made his life more lively, filled with smiles and laughs. So he couldn't say he minded having them around.

—-----------------------------

A few more hours of playing in the snow until the kids retired to Gon's room for the day. Opting to finish the day playing video games. Which meant, it was finally time for you to unwind.

You'd let yourself get tipsy with the rest of the adults. Belting out ‘Santa Baby' along with Gon's Aunt.

“Ms. Mito! I had no idea you had such a lovely voice!”

The two of you cackling and holding each other up with you telling her she should let herself have fun more often. An ‘I know! It's been a while since we had friends over!’ escaping her.

It eventually turned into you and Morel placing bets on who'd be the most blackout drunk once the night was over.

Unaware of your partner watching fondly as you exaggerated your speech with your hands. A carefree grin on your face while you talked. It was rare to see you so at ease. In your complete element around so many people.

“You're whipped.” Ging's voice snapping him from his thoughts.

A bright red consuming his face at being caught.

“Shut up. I am not.” Kite denied.

“Then how come you keep staring over there? You've got little hearts in your eyes.”

The red on his face grew darker. Was he really being that obvious? Or was Ging just really observant? Whatever the reason, he didn't want to be teased for it.

“I'm allowed to admire my partner when they're having fun.”

“Whipped. Your aura doesn't lie~” A cheeky smirk on the ruins hunter's face.

“Yeah?” Because there was something Kite knew would embarrass Ging right back.

“Yours doesn't lie either. You've got a soft spot for them and Gon. I don't remember you offering to be my teacher so easily. As a matter of fact, I don't remember you staying in one place this long.”

The way Ging had crossed his arms and this head let him know he got him.

“I helped Y/n out, big deal. That doesn't mean I'm soft. And so what if I'm not currently traveling? That doesn't prove a damn thing.” He denied.

“It's okay to admit you like someone's company,” Kite started.

“You've never really had someone who could keep up with your smart ass remarks and give them right back.”

A ‘humph’ sounding from the ruins hunter.

“It's also okay to admit you want to spend time with your son. He's a good kid. Exactly like you…Except he has manners.”

“Is that so, father of three?” Ging taunted back.

“Yeah, father of One. Single mom.”

“We don't talk about that…Fine I wanted to spend Christmas with my kid, sue me.” He admitted at last.

“Was that so hard?”

“I would rather eat those cookies again.”

-----------------------------

It was dark out before long. Most of the party goers either checked into a hotel for the night or were still drinking out on the porch. All that was left to do was put the presents under the tree. Of which had been hidden while the kids were out playing.

Originally, everyone was gonna place their gifts a little after midnight. But considering most couldn't see straight right now, you volunteered. It was no surprise Kite would follow you.

What was a surprise however, was how you managed to snag the Santa coat from Knov and convince your partner to wear it. Saying ‘We gotta have a backup if the kids wake up.’ Along with him picking up his hair to avoid it getting in the way.

Once again the blind leading the blind with you two stumbling over each other. Trying your damn best not to laugh.

“Shhh! Shhh! We have to be quiet!” You whisper shouted.

“I'm trying! You keep tripping over Christmas lights, hun.”

You were lucky to sober up enough halfway through. Plugging in the Christmas tree while you were at it. To be honest, you weren't sure the kids still believed in Santa. Well more like Killua and Alluka. It was no secret their parents were terrible. Not letting their kids have a proper childhood.

But nevertheless they hadn't taken this small thing from them. Both justifying their lack of presents had been because they used to be assassins. Whatever worked, you guessed. As long as they were happy.

“Love?” Kite spoke up.

“Yuh.” You straightened yourself out after placing the last gift.

“We're underneath the mistletoe again.”

“Oh?” And even in the dark he could make out your cheeky smirk.

“The kids are asleep and everyone else is still outside drinking. There wouldn't be any interruptions this time. If you wanted to…” Becoming too embarrassed to finish his sentence.

“So I get to have one of my presents early?”

He stammered for a response before you pulled him closer by the tacky red suit. Lips finally meeting in a kiss that was more than a little uncoordinated. But as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you even closer, the both of you couldn't care less.

Unawares to everything else around you but each other. Especially to the four kids that had tiptoed their way around the corner and gawked at the scene in front of them.

In the middle of the living room stood their big sibling. Smooching Santa Claus. And passionately if they may add.

Killua instinctively covering Alluka's eyes. Giving Gon a horrified look that he returned. Zushi about to say something before they slapped a hand over his mouth.

And then they heard a hushed whisper that made the four of them rush towards their room.

“I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you too. More than anything.”

----------------

You woke up in the morning with what had to be the worst headache of your life. Surprisingly, the kids hadn't rushed your room to open presents. It was odd, but you figured they didn't wanna bother you.

Everyone had gathered in the living room to exchange gifts. Groggy, hungover, but content. You knew something was off when the kids hesitated to open what they got. Eyeing the ‘From Santa’ with hostility.

“What's the matter? You're always so excited to open your gifts.” Mito questioned the boy in green.

He eyed the other kids from his peripheral before answering.

“No reason. Maybe I've matured this year.”

“Yeah. We don't have to open gifts. It's not like we're materialistic,” Killua backed up.

Almost every adult stared at them in shock. These kids didn't to open presents??? Had they been swapped out and replaced by imposters.

“Are you two being serious right now? You're acting like the gifts are boobie-trapped.” You scolded.

“Maybe they are!” Alluka argued.

“Alluka Zoldyck!”

She huffed before crossing her arms. All four kids in solidarity with not touching their gifts. Wing trying with Zushi, only for the small boy to shake his head and turn away. The sight was baffling.

“C'mon bud. You don't want to see what you got?” Kite asked Gon.

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Unable to keep the secret of what they saw last night. Kite deserved to know didn't he?

“Y/N’S CHEATING ON YOU WITH SANTA!!!”

The room going silent at the accusation. Eyes shifting around before everyone tried to stifle their laughter. Ging doubling over with tears in his eyes as Kite's face went a bright red.

“What????”

“Y/n was kissing Santa by the tree! We saw them! But he probably blackmailed them with our gifts!” Killua speculated.

Your own face heating up. What the kids saw was you and Kite. They probably didn't recognize him well in the dark with his back facing them. But they had enough imagination to fill in the gaps, unfortunately.

It was going to be a long morning. And judging by how rest of the adults laughed knowingly at what really happened, you wouldn't be getting any help.

At least you'd had enough hindsight in your drunken state to think the kids might've walked in on you placing presents. It'd be a memorable first Christmas for you.

---------------------

MASTERLIST

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa

An: A little rushed because I simply did not have enough time. I wrote the first half of this with love, and the second half cracked out on NyQuil because I got sick. Which is why this is coming so late. Anyways- HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!! TO WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE AND PRACTICE !!!!

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter x y/n #hxh x reader #hxh x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader???#x reader #platonic #older reader #big sib reader #found family #moon and sun insert #hxh christmas

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