#breaking danville

[alex-travaganza]

breaking danville. official crossover . yes i plan to do more of these and u should be afraid about it

.

more shitposts n doodles under the cut 👇

feel free to send me asks and comments about this cursed au i have lots of thoughts

#phineas and ferb #heinz doofenshmirtz #perry the playtpus #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #roger doofenshmirtz #vinnie dakota #dwampyverse #milo murphy’s law #breaking bad #better call saul #perryshmirtz #cause they married #francis monogram #major monogram #breaking danville

[zorrocafe]

Another thing about rewatching like all of Phineas and Ferb in order is that Season 1 Phineas is way more of a jerk than I remembered, and Candace actually seems reasonable.

Like, Phineas is way snarkier and aloof in the earlier episodes, and is also kind of an actual menace to the rest of Danville.

They break into the off-limits parts of a museum out of sheer boredom, have a drag race in the city streets with lawnmower motor-powered carts just because they can, have a treehouse mecha battle that causes property damage downtown (though Candace is complicit in this one)

#zorro watches phineas and ferb #nat yaps #phineas and ferb

[accidentallystraight]

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, your entrance was immaculate. And by immaculate I mean completely maculate!

What do you think of my new rainbow ribbon trap, Perry the Platypus? I got all the ribbon at the Danville Pride Parade, which is also where I got the idea for my latest scheme! Here, let me tell you about it.

You see Perry the Platypus, I was walking home from the annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. potluck yesterday when I got caught up in this big pride parade. At first I was annoyed because who throws a parade in the middle of a street? But then I realized just how many people there were. Anyone who could control their opinion could easily be elected as the new Mayor. And that's when I came up with the idea for this:

THE TRANS-YOUR-GENDER-INATOR!

With this, Perry the Platypus, I will release a wave of body-altering energy that will immediately change everyone's bodies to perfectly match their gender identity and cure dysphoria! Trans women will have their ideal woman body, trans men will have their ideal man body, and nonbinary people will... I don't know, turn into dragons or something I guess. Point being, whatever they want to look like is what they will be! And once I announce this deed to the world, the Pride community will be so overwhelmingly thankful, they will unanimously elect me to be ruler of the Tri-State Area!

Now, just to wait for it to finish charging up. I had to train it with the hidden search histories of conservative politicians, so it's still scanning the computer for the last few bits of data. It should be ready to go any minute now...

Perry the Platypus, this is normally when you break free and destroy my inator, did I make the trap too tight? Here, let me cut you out so we can get rolling... wait Perry the Platypus where are you going? Perry the Platypus, that's not the self destruct button!

Perry the Platypus, you activated the Trans-Your-Gender-Inator? But you're supposed to thwart me!

What's this you just pulled out of your tiny little wallet? A Trans Lives Matter card?! Curse you Perry the Platypus!... which I have mixed feelings about saying since you actually helped my scheme!"

#perry the platypus #dr doofenshmirtz #trans rights #i dont know how to tag properly

[agentlizardofowca]

^ "did you sleep well?" "mhm.." [tracing the mark with their hand] "i can tell." // GO GO GO!!!

[I sometimes have trouble sleeping, and something that helps me fall asleep is to imagine my favourite characters falling asleep after an exhausting day. I've imagined the following scenario maybe 500 times.]

NOW ALSO ON AO3

zzzzz

Perry knew with certainty that it was wednesday when he left. He was about to take his coffee break when he was rushed to the airship bay and shipped off for an emergancy. As he was flown off to [counrty] he was informed of the world's newest thread, a nuclear physicist with some interesting ideas about justice. 

Sleep isnt really an option if all life on earth is in mortal peril, so the agent stayed awake for as long as it took to nuetralize the threat. It worked out okay, perry thought to himself as he sat through debriefing with his head cradled in his arms. The world still had its biodiversity, and he still had all 10 fingers. 

When he returned to Danville it was dark, past midnight. The streets were deserted except for a few stragglers who were finding their way home after a long night of partying. Perry assumed he looked at bad as they did.

He showered at headquarters because he could smell himself, and he was self-conscious about that, before letting himself be dropped off at his- their place. They shared it nowadays. And despite the fatigue, Perry couldn't help but smile giddily at that thought.

When he unlocked the front door he was met with a dark and still apartment, which was both a blessing and a curse. Heinz had the habit of working long into the early hours, so for the lab to be deserted now meant that it must be early. Really early.

He yawned and trudged towards the bedroom taking off items of clothing as he went so that when he softly opened the door, all he had to do was plop down his clothes on an empty chair.

Dead-center in the middle of the bed was his (former) nemesis, sleeping soundly. Both his arms and legs were spread luxuriously as if he was attempting to claim the whole bed for himself; Heinz never was very good at sharing. Luckily for Perry, he had no need of the comforter tonight, it was the middle of summer, and sleeping in just his boxer would do.

He resisted the urge to fall face down into the bed- that would surely jostle the other man awake, and though Perry was so, SO happy to see him, he was far too tired to be interrogated about his mission. So instead he slid onto the mattress soundlessly.

This close, he could hear the other man's rhythmic breathing. Even without touching, he could tell the other man was warm and relaxed. 

Perry's eyelids were as heavy as Heinz's titanium arms, but still, he had to take a moment to admire the careful stillness of his usually energetic partner. 

He hadn't taken the time to turn on any of the lights, just because he didn't want to bother having to turn them off again. But even in the low light, Perry knew where Heinz's features were, after this many years he could conjure his face in an instant. He would kiss him, right now. But he could not. Instead, Perry adjusted one lanky arm carefully to the side to make space for himself and laid himself down. His forehead settled nicely against Heinz's shoulder and closed his eyes.

He carefully breathed in, and when Heinz exhaled, so did he. Within a moment their breathing was synchronised. The wooly fog that Perry'd been carrying around in his head faded with each breath. With his last vestiges of consciousness, he reached out one arm and placed it over Heinz's heart. The steady drum lulled him to sleep quickly.

***

The sun was up. Through the insufficient barrier of his eyelids, Perry was aware that the sun was bright and waking him from maybe the deepest sleep he'd experienced all year. With tremendous effort, he shifted his head on the pillow. A sleepy squeak escaped him.

For a while, he just existed. A man sleeping on his tummy with one leg pulled up and one leg dangling just barely off the edge of the bed. 

The sounds of birdsong didn't reach this high up, and even the noises of cars and trucks passing below were like a distant hum. 

The door creaked a little as it opened. Something was put down, and then the mattress dipped beside him.

"I know you're awake, Perry the Platypus," Heinz said kindly.

Perry exhaled in reply.

"I can tell because you stopped snoring." The little smile that stretched his lips was audible in his voice.

Perry rolled over again, his side now pressed up against the other man. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked as he adjusted to the brightness of the room. He wasn't going to apologize to Heinz for snoring, he'd known about that particular flaw long before their nemesis-ship ended.

"I think you slept for thirteen hours," Heinz calculated, and he smiled down at Perry. His slowly graying hair was attempting to block Perry's view of those midsummer sky eyes. "Did you sleep at all since I last saw you?"

The horizontal man shook his head.

Heinz whistled. "Did you sleep well?" And one finger carefully trailed a line across Perry's cheek that was left by the bedding.

Perry stretched until his back popped and nodded lazily. Heinz's hand was still on his cheek.

"I can tell," He said as if it was a secret they shared.

Long fingers slid away, and the mattress wobbled as Heinz left it. "I made lunch Perry the Platypus. Come and eat with us before Vanessa has to leave for her mother's house. She's missed you too." Gone was the softness in Heinz's voice as he forced Perry back into the reality of the conscious world. The man left the room, not bothering to stop speaking to him, even as he got too far away to be heard clearly. 

A T-shirt landed on Perry's face. He debated rolling over and sleeping another 13 hours, but the siren call of lunch and his husband's enthused conversation won.

#Thanks! #my writing #phineas and ferb #perry the platypus #heinz doofenshmirtz #perryshmirtz #short story

[duckapus]

In the Candace-as-Spiderwoman universe Baljeet is the first ever Hulk. Hulkjeet still insists on being called Hulkjeet, no matter how much all the news outlets and SHIELD want to make him more "serious" and use "The Hulk." When he first shows up Candace fights the military because they're trying to shoot A CHILD with fucking TANKS just because he's big and scary and breaking stuff. One of them tries to pull the "you're supposed to be on our side!" card and she's just like "you know vigilantism is illegal, right?"

Anyway this is the start of Candace having a team because there ain't no rule saying Spiderwoman can't have a team! Fuck the Avengers they can have a different Main Four this time Hulkjeet's a Danville hero.

#phineas and ferb #spiderman #marvel #the incredible hulk #candace flynn #spider woman #baljeet tjinder #hulkjeet #jjj's actually on spiderwoman's side just this once once because that's his nephew's best friend! #candace does her best work when she's leading someone #i will pull no punches fuck the military #shield #they *would* try to make someone's alter ego more clinical sounding for branding purposes #spider-candace au

[princess-of-the-corner]

Crossover minecraft: civil war

Ladybug: okay... let's go over this, one more time. The one week we're busy with end of term exams, war breaks out...

Guy: Yup. See, the Pines kids took over the justice system...

Rena: I knew it! Twins are always trouble.

*vipereon coughs*

Rena: you hush, you and tigresse make trouble for villains all the time.

Guy: and of course with Mabel as judge, she wound up giving a whole bunch of obtuse penalties for the weirdest of offenses. Now this got the mad scientist duo on her side, cause they got guinea pigs for their devious machines and -inators, and got the bad girl coven and the Fazgang against them. Not sure how the lyoko warriors and the phantom theives wound up on justice Mabels side but they did.

Ladybug: what about Ben's group? Or the Danville group? Or the Amity park guys?

Guy: okay, Danny is neutral here, he's with Doc in Koboldia, but apparently Dipper bribed sam with some cryptid info, and Tucker is just rolling with it. Ben, Gwen, and Kevin threw their lot in with rebellion, but Lilo is staying out of it. Don't know where Stitch is, he went off the radar a while ago. The entire Danville group is just selling supplies, traps and weapons to both sides, enterprising huh? Minus the fireside girl who's also in the rebellion.

Ladybug: okay... any ideas? No roi, we are not joining justice mabel solely on the argument of you wanting to fight Gregory.

Skull, Distantly: run for your life!

Gregory, distantly: Ramming Speed!

Ladybug: okay, no polymouse, we aren't going to join the rebellion just on the principal of NOT having to fight Gregory...

Pigella: Rock band solidarity?

Tigresse: and sticking it to the lawman?

Mutters of approval

Chat: okay majority rules! Rioting Paris style?

Roi Singe: Riot!

1.5 days later

Phineas, recapping for his viewers: so once the miraculous heros chose their side, they showed how quickly a government will fold to parisian discontent. Despite the government being complete malarkey. In other news, the server is expecting a new player soon-

/technically/ Luka and Juleka aren't twins in my AU but that still tracks.

Also like. If the French are known for anything, it's a fucking revolution!

[looney-mooney-studio]

Buford and Baljeet as god-tiered Homestuck trolls!

Baljeet’s a Seer of Rage, and Buford’s a Thief of Mind. This might seem contradictory to their characters in the show, but keep in mind a god teir isn’t how you present yourself, it’s the core of your being. This got long so uhhh essay on why they are these things under the cut!

Baljeet is a Seer of Rage. Seers are prone to being single-minded - to a seer, everything is THEIR aspect. To Rose, everything is light - chance, luck, narrative relevance. To Terezi, everything is mind - the way people think, and the decisions they make. To Kankri and the Signless, everything is Blood - the connections people have, and our duties to do right by our community. They can be incredibly intelligent, but also incredibly dense, and are driven to affect as much change as possible.

Rage players are driven by the idea that something is wrong. They try to change it, and are obsessed with the big picture and how to throw a wrench in the works, how to burn everything we know down to the ground in the hopes that maybe, possibly, something better MIGHT rise from the ashes. This concept is Baljeet's everything.

Baljeet is incredibly intelligent, incredibly driven, and incredibly eager to burn shit to the ground. As soon as his anxieties and carefully-structured schedules get out of the way, Baljeet is a force of NATURE. He is a hulk, a punk rockstar, able to climb any mountain and tackle any problem with little regard for the well being of others. Hell, one could argue that even his academic career is based on a desire to do this sort of thing, and he finds absolute glee in breaking the laws of nature - so long as it is HIS EFFORTS that make it possible. If it weren't for his upbringing and unqenchable desire for success and praise, Baljeet would probably be a full time supervillain.

As it stands, however, Baljeet IS filled with an unquenchable desire for success and praise, and readily shares his knowledge with others - even when he himself does not fully understand it. Baljeet particularly has a knack for understanding the chaos of his reality, and has been shown to find ways to explain the flow between dimensions and the machinations of such forces as Murphy's Law and the Mysterious Force.

Buford, on the other hand, is a Thief of Mind. Thieves start out with a lack of their aspect, and have to steal their aspect form others over the course of their lives. A thief is selfish, but this is not entirely a bad thing - sometimes you have to save yourself before you can help others. In this way, Selfishness can be a virtue, especially when used correctly. When done wrong, however, it can and will hurt everyone around the thief, especially when they decide to take too much without letting the team replenish their resources.

Mind players deal in agency. Knowledge is power, after all, and usually power comes in the form of free will. Terezi could see what people's choices would lead to, and was able to direct people towards the best outcomes through this.

Buford, as a Thief of Mind, would start out his life with no agency at all, and would have to steal agency from others in order to have more for himself. This lines up with his backstory on the show, and is part of the reason why I made him a lowblood - on the show, when Buford was a child, someone bigger and stronger and more powerful than him was going to eat his pet goldfish, Biff. In order to prevent this, Buford had to take that decision away from his tormentor, and become a bully himself. He stole the bully's agency, and gave it to himself, taking the bully's reputation and his power by tying him up in his own shoelaces.

Throughout the show, Buford steals agency in similar ways from his friends and the other people around him - he stole everyone's bikes, limiting their ability to move around in Danville. He steals Baljeet's agency all the time in small ways, oftentimes by picking him up and carrying him around, or by changing Baljeet's schedule around for certain things.

Baljeet is used to this, and it becomes a sort of symbiotic relationship in a certain sense. Baljeet has a habit of micromanaging his own agency, so by stealing some of it Buford ironically gives Baljeet chances to relax and let his own aspect - rage - breathe. Buford is also the only one who can calm "Hulkjeet," and by taking Baljeet's option to cause havoc that way Buford gives Baljeet his own common sense back. Symbiotic, benefits for both parties involved.

We also see that Buford is an intellectual, though he tries to hide it, and that Baljeet is a force of chaos and destruction, though he tries to hide it. In a sense, Buford and Baljeet meet in the middle here, between Rage and Mind, and find a lot of common ground. Baljeet can talk nerd stuff to Buford, and he'll be able to not just follow along, but provide new imput - and vice versa for Buford's more destructive habits.

Obviously this sort of back and forth symbiotic relationship of their classpects continues in the game, and they have eachother's shoe colors.

#phineas and ferb #bujeet #homestuck #trollsona #god teir #buford van stomm #baljeet tjinder #summerstuck #looney mooney art #looney mooney rants #mooneyart #work doodles

[pftones3482]

SLOC update is being postponed until Tuesday y'all - been pulling a lot of long shifts at work and I am exhausted. While you wait, have a lil sneak peek:

~~

“I can reverse it for you. Change you back to normal, so that you’re not having to hide your whole life. That’s no way to live.”

He could change her back.

He could change her back.

No more being worried about the rain. No more having to wash her hair separately from her body because she couldn’t do both at the same time without growing a tail. No more risking accidentally changing in public because she got splashed by a puddle or fell in a fountain. She could go to the beach again and actually just hang out there.

Candace hesitated, glancing over her shoulder at the kids and then at Perry, who was nodding seriously at something Monogram was saying. She swallowed, an aching feeling in the pit of her stomach.

No more understanding Perry.

She wouldn’t be able to swim as fast or as easily. Couldn’t dive as deep, stay under as long. Wouldn’t be able to fidget with water when she was bored. Couldn’t lay on the bottom of Isabella’s pool when she needed a break.

Their family boat, the HMS Lindana, would have capsized without her powers, putting her whole family at risk. Ferb would have drowned. They wouldn’t have saved Danville if she wasn’t a mermaid.

And she wouldn’t be able to understand her pet platypus.

#pnf #phineas and ferb #my writing #sloc

[nerdymariamania]

OH ALSO I had an idea where Candace teaches Phineas and Ferb how to drive (which you would think wouldn't be necessary cause of all their driving space ships and stuff but driving a normal car without any tech is HARD) and how cute that would be. And like, you'd think Phineas would be a speed demon and bad at driving but its actually Ferb who wants to go like 90 in a 45 and Phineas has driving anxiety and is actually so SO careful. I just wanted to tell you about that that's all <3

You and me are on the same wavelength forever and ever, my friend!!!

Listen, remember "My Ride from Outerspace?" Ferb is like that with a normal car all the time! His speeding is worst than anyone else in the family, AND he's always his friend groups chauffeur, unfortunately. He and Isabella split the difference, actually. The boy is a man of action, and his action is trying to go faster than the speed of light in a regular, non-modefied station wagon. Because of this, Linda and Lawrence have forbade him from getting a motorcycle.

You're completely right, Phineas is the most careful with major anxiety, he won't even have the radio on just in case he gets distracted. (Ferb always has his on full blast, Isa has her radio on a normal volume, Buford listens to podcasts in different languages when he's on his electric scooter, and Baljeet alternates between academic lectures and full blown, full bass hard rock.) Phineas is the most careful and drives like a little old lady, which actually little old ladies of Danville find annoying as hell.

Candace is such a backseat driver when teaching her brothers, she's trying her best to be supportive, really. She starts with Phineas parallel parking in front of the house, like Lawrence did with her, and it's the most careful, slowest, tiny adjustments, parallel parking of her life. Ferb does it in one go, perfectly, but somehow there are fast tire marks on the asphalt.

Perry is in the backseat with whoever isn't driving at the moment, because for some reason the mindless platypus wouldn't let them leave without him. (Perry wants to see his kids succeed! He missed a lot of big Candace moments like this because of OWCA, he refuses to miss any of Phineas or Ferb's!) He almost breaks cover twice, once when Phineas was driving, just to sign to tell him to speed up, once when Ferb was driving, so he could write a new Will, just in case!

#phineas and ferb #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #candace flynn #perry the platypus

[hamstergomez]

This is a fic I wrote on Wattpad.

Hamster and Gretel returned Kevin to J.J. McWeekend's where his date was. Hiromi was walking out. Kevin ran up to her with a bouquet of flowers.

Kevin: Hiromi!

Hiromi: Kevin! Where were you?

Kevin: I'm so sorry! I was taking care of my little sister and―

Hiromi: Aw, that was so sweet...the first time I heard that excuse in the Duck Boyz concert. Kevin, I think you're a really nice guy, and I like like you, but I don't think this is going to work out.

Hiromi walked away, leaving the trio alone. To make things worse, the Aliens told him he wasn't supposed to have powers. One week later...

It was bedtime and Gretel walked by Kevin's room and heard Kevin calling Fred.

Kevin: Fred, thanks for helping us fight Bookworm. Who knew his weakness was boring textbooks.

Fred: Trust me, I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm glad my class was having a test. Anyway, how you feeling?

Kevin: Huh?

Fred: About Hiromi breaking up with you?

Kevin: It's because of that stupid jerk!

Gretel sulked away back to bed. Ever since that night, Gretel blamed herself for Kevin not only losing his date but for him not getting powers. She didn't hear the whole conversation.

Kevin: Professor Exclamation is so annoying.

Gretel wrote a note and put it next to Hamster's cage where he was sleeping. She opened the window and tearfully flew off.

The next day, Hamster woke up. He noticed Gretel missing.

Hamster: Did I oversleep? It's 6:30?

Hamster finally noticed the note.

Hamster: Oh no!

Kevin woke up to see Hamster hovering over him.

Kevin: Hamster?

Hamster: Read this note.

"Kevin, thank you for being a wonderful big brother. I'm sorry for everything. You deserved those powers instead of me. Goodbye forever. Love Gretel."

Kevin: No...she didn't...

Hamster: She must've ran off.

Later, Bailey walked out of her room and saw her parents on the phone distressed.

Roman: I hope you find her. (Hangs up)

Bailey: Dad, who was that?

Roman: Mr Grant...He called because...your friend Gretel went missing last night.

Those words hit Bailey hard as tears welled up in her eyes.

Bailey: I have to find her!

Michelle: No, it's too dangerous. We don't want to lose you too. Don't worry, the cops are going to send out search parties.

Bailey was real worried. Gretel could've been captured by a dangerous villain but she couldn't tell her parents that her friend was Superhero Gretel.

As for Gretel herself, she was faraway. She was in Coyote Woods in Danville.

Gretel: Nice woods. I'm sure I won't destroy the life of anyone here.

Gretel walked through the woods and heard footsteps.

Gretel: Who's there?!

Nothing...Gretel assumed it was her imagination and walked off. The footsteps continued. Gretel turned around.

Gretel: Show yourself!

From out of the shadows came a werewolf.

Gretel: Oh great, a villain out here?

The Werewolf punched her and she blacked out.

Back with the others...

Carolina and Dave were out searching for Gretel while Kevin and Fred were in the apartment watching the news.

Veronica Hill: The police are still looking for Gretel Grant Gomez. Even Hamster and Gretel are helping.

She put her mic close to Hamster.

Veronica: Do you have any idea where she might be?

Hamster: Good question. Superhero Gretel is looking for her in Danville.

Veronica: Well I sure hope you find her. In other news, Duck Boyz and Love Handel are collaborating.

Bailey kicked the door opened.

Bailey: You find anything yet?

Fred: Sorry, no.

Bailey: Oh come on! You hacked into Belle's account!

Kevin: This is different.

Bailey: Of course it is. YOU drove her away!

Kevin: What?!

Kevin picked Bailey up by the collar of shirt.

Kevin: You little-!

Fred: Guys! We can't fight! Gretel wouldn't want us too...

Kevin let go of Bailey.

Bailey: Sorry, I'm just...upset. It's not your fault.

Kevin: Thanks.

Hamster flew in the room.

Hamster: Couldn't find her yet...

The TV glitched out and revealed the wolf in a warehouse.

Wolf: Hello Eastside. It is I, Melvin Meyer. My brother is the Mayor of your pathetic town. It should have been me. I ran away and thanks to the mishap of some "Milo" dude, I ended up mutated into this. But on the bright side, I have her.

He showed off an unconscious Gretel.

Kevin: GRETEL!

Melvin: She apparently went missing so I decided to use her as a blackmail. Make me mayor of Eastside or she perishes.

The four stood there shocked.

Fred went on her laptop.

Fred: I just found his address.

Bailey: Wow, that's easy.

Fred: Well I don't want my favourite cousin dead. Anyway, he's in the abandoned Totally Tools building on the outskirts of Danville.

When the girls looked at Kevin, he was zooming off in his Minivan.

Fred: Kevin?

Bailey: Oh no! He must've went to that Wolf guy.

Hamster: That's dangerous.

Gretel woke up and saw Melvin.

Melvin: One hour left brother...ah, you're awake.

Gretel: What?

The Minivan rammed through the wall.

Gretel: Kevin!

Kevin hit Melvin before he ran out the minivan. He tried untying Gretel but Melvin attacked. Gretel winced and closed her eyes while she heard Kevin scream.

Kevin: Gretel! It's not your fault!

More blows were heard until silence. She opened her eyes to see Kevin unconscious. Her eyes filled with rage before she changed into her super suit and broke free.

Melvin: Oh crud.

The last thing Melvin saw before blacking out was Gretel punching him.

Fred, Hamster and Bailey finally arrived to find Gretel panting while floating over Melvin. Her rage turned to sadness as she went to Kevin.

Bailey: Gretel!

Gretel: Bailey, Fred, Hamster! I'm fine but Kevin...

Gretel went over to the unconscious boy and cried on his chest.

Hamster: Oh no...

Fred: We got to call an ambulance or he'll die!

Unknown to Gretel, her tears healed Kevin's wounds and he woke up.

Kevin: Don't worry Gretel Beans, I won't let anything bad happen to you.

Gretel: Kevin!

Everyone hugged him.

Bailey: Gretel, I think you have healing tears.

Kevin: Gretel, it's not your fault Hiromi broke up with me and neither is it your fault I don't have powers.

Gretel: But I heard you talk to Fred...

Fred: Oh, he meant Professor Exclamation.

Gretel: Really? Sorry I ran off.

Kevin: I'm just glad you're safe.

So they all returned home and Carolina and Dave were happily reunited. Hamster and Gretel told the news that Kevin helped in searching for Gretel.

#hamster and gretel

[ankh-morporkianpostalworker]

I would like to posit that Perry the Platypus is essentially the secret agent version of a guardian angel, looking out for a brilliant, albeit misguided scientist and not at all the James Bond figure the show presents him as, and I have four pieces of evidence I will use in this essay.

The first piece of evidence I have to support this is that, of all the schemes Doofenshmirtz cooks up, the vast majority of them are either a) solving "problems" only he has or cares about or b) manifestations of his childhood trauma, and often both if the ridiculous amount of flashbacks about his awful childhood in an anachronistic German-esque middle European country are to be believed. He suffered untold abuses by his parents, including not showing up to his birth, making him stand outside all night as a garden gnome and showing clear preferential treatment to his brother, Roger.

This trauma brings us to our second piece of evidence, his daughter, Vanessa. Doofenshmirtz goes out of his way to make sure that she doesn't have any hardships like he had, actively working to break a cycle of abuse that's been in his family for who knows how long. He never yells at her, never loses his temper with her and goes out of his way to make sure she's as safe as he can make her at all times. If he was actually the evil cartoon genius he hypes himself up as (which she makes very clear she does not think he is) he wouldn't do everything he could to make sure she has a life better than he had.

The third piece of evidence I'd like to submit is the relationship he has with Perry the Platypus himself. Perry never tries to permanently apprehend or even really injure Doofenshmirtz (most of their encounters end with Doofenshmirtz screaming "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!" as his inventions blow up, and Perry even goes out of his way to make sure Doof is more or less okay at the end of their battles). We also see on multiple occasions (most notably during Doof's midlife crisis during the timeskip episode) that Doof considers Perry one of his closest friends and not an enemy at all, like he understands why Perry is there to stop him.

The final piece of evidence I'd like to submit is Milo Murphy's Law, a pseudo-sequel set after the events of Phineas and Ferb. This series shows us a Doofenshmirtz trying to atone for his crimes, one who eventually becomes a brilliant, world-changing scientist for good. He seems to genuinely regret all the trouble he caused the people of Danville and he wants to make amends, making it clear he has overcome the trauma he suffered and has become self-actualized.

Thus, with those pieces of evidence, I submit that Dr. Doofenshmirtz is essentially a good guy who's had a tough life and not an evil genius at all, and Perry is essentially looking out for a troubled scientist, making sure he doesn't get into too much trouble and not trying to permanently stop him.

#dr. doofenshmirtz #perry the platypus #phineas and ferb #milo murphy's law

[alex-travaganza]

here’s one of my BCS screenshot redraws that was gonna be in the part two post of that one breaking bad / bcs dwampyverse shitpost au series of drawings i did. originally cavendish was going to be ignacio until i changed my mind, but i love this drawing so much that i gotta post it separately just for the dakavendish girlies. also yes there will be a part two to that post eventually

#milo murphy’s law #dakavendish #vinnie dakota #balthazar cavendish #breaking danville

[assistantcommanderalisha]

Heya guys! I’m back with another post! But this one is about Perry! If you guys wanna ask Perry and his siblings questions, I’m deciding to make posts about Perry and Sibs so you could get to know them before asking them questions! Let’s start of with the semi aquatic egg laying mammal of action himself, Perry the Platypus aka Agent P!

Name: Perry the Platypus

Gender: Male He/him/his

Age: 17(currently in 2023)

Physical Appearance: Perry is a greenish teal male platypus with yellow tinged tangerine webbing only on his back feet(odd traits that platypuses outside of Danville don’t have) He also has three black hairs on his head, a low long salmon orange beaver tail, deep dark brown eyes in an unnatural walleyed position making him look mindlessly stupid and derpy as a pet, and a duck bill that matches his webbing color. Under his fur, he has a locket, a siren pendant, and he mainly wears a 1940’s fedora on his head as Agent P. Around his finger he wears a greenish teal ring which is his miraculous in camouflage mode.

Height: 2 feet (60.96 cm)

Nemesis/Enemies: Dr Doofenshimirtz(formerly and best friend) Rodney, L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., Dennis the Bunny, and Professor Parenthesis

Friends/Allies: Doof, Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Major Monogram, Carl, Monty Monogram, Lyla Lolliberry, Stacey Hirano, Milo Murphy, Diogee, Balthazar Cavendish, Vinnie Dakota, Melissa Chase, Zack Underwood, Ortan Mahlson, Pinky the Chihuahua(girlfriend and love interest), the other agents, Groucho Perry, Fedora Perry, Female Perry, Bunka da Bunkaquan, Parable the Dragon-pus, Master Perry, Fez Perry, Rebel Perry the Rebel-pus, Perry the Platyborg, Sweary the Swan, Perry 2(cousin), Peggy, Ricardo, Agent Kelly, Penny/Phyllian, Whitney, Mishti, Dairry, Emily, Rose, Amy, Nelson(evil cousin), Pansy(mom), Percy(dad) and Plagg(kwami)

Family: Groucho Perry(brother), Fedora Perry(sister), Female Perry(sister), Agent Kelly(sister), Bunka da Bunkaquan(brother), Parable the Dragon-pus(brother), Master Perry(brother), Fez Perry(brother), Rebel Perry the Rebel-pus(brother), Perry the Platyborg(brother), Sweary the Swan(brother), Perry 2(cousin), Peggy(cousin), Ricardo(cousin), Penny/Phyllian(sister), Whitney(sister), Mishti(sister), Dairry(sister), Emily(sister), Rose(sister), Amy(sister), Nelson(evil cousin), Pansy(mom), and Percy(dad)

Nationality/Species: Australian(native to) American(domesticated in) , Male Platypus, half dream demon, and half siren

Born: January 27th 2006

Occupation: Top Secret agent of The OWCA, Household pet, Top watchdog spy of the Hater Empire, Leader of the Watchdog Spies, Lieutenant of the Hater Empire, Secret agent secretary of the Hater Empire and holder of the black cat miraculous

Affiliations: The O.W.C.A.(Organization Without A Cool Acronym), Flynn Fletcher Family, and the Hater Empire

Hometown: Danville

Boss: Major Monogram

Owners: Phineas and Ferb

First Appearance: Rollercoaster

Alinement: Good(in PaF) and Evil(In WOY)

Likes: His owners, being an agent, Phineas and Ferb, winning against Doof, love, attention, when Doof’s inator’s are gone by Phineas and Ferb, fighting evil, spending time with my brothers and sisters, hanging out with my owners Phineas and Ferb, horseback riding, long walks on the beach, soap operas, good books, calling FP “M’Lady” and doing cat puns(as PerryCatNoir), and Favorite Song: Perry the Platypus(My Theme Song)

Dislikes: Getting dressed by Candace, being replaced by a different secret agent for Doof to fight, getting my cover blown, getting relocated and leaving my owners, losing to Doof, fellow agents going crazy, seeing my owners Phineas and Ferb in danger and getting hurt, seeing Groucho Perry breaking the 4th wall, worldwide domination(in PaF), Doof’s rival Rodney, and seeing Fez Perry making his dramatic entrances.

Miraculous: Black Cat Miraculous

Kwami: Plagg

Hero Persona: PerryCatNoir

Villain Persona: PerryCatBlanc

Powers /Abilities: Destruction(as PerryCatNoir), Cataclysm(as PerryCatNoir), Baton staff(as PerryCatNoir), Apportion, Clairvoyance, Cross-Dimension Awareness, Illusion manipulation, Intangibility, Innate Capability, Nigh Omnipotence, Laser Manipulation, Levitation, Molecular Manipulation, Nightmare/Dream Manipulation, Nightmare/Dream Inducement, Possession, Pyrokinesis, Size Shifting, Telekinesis, Telepathy, and Mind Reading(as a half dream demon for good) enchanted singing voice which allows to manipulate or control others’ actions with its compelling tones. The more of the positive energy he consumes, the stronger his voices becomes and the farther he could spread his good magic for everyone to enjoy(as half siren but uses it for good)

What his speaking voice sounds like: Very cool, very calm, very collected, and he has an Australian accent which is also commanding, strong, and young cuz he’s 17

Status: Active and immortal

Voiced by/Speaking and Chattering Voice: Dee Bradley Baker

Singing Voice: Caleb Hyles

Personality: While undercover as a pet platypus, Perry can be normally be found with his owners, Phineas and Ferb. As a pet platypus, he lives up to the expectations for a platypus and “doesn’t do much”. Even though Candace would normally describe him as just a mindless smelly animal, Perry still shows signs of intelligence when he’s pretending to be a normal pet, so she may mean insane rather than dumb. He is mostly serious while on duty as a secret agent, even in front of Major Monogram when he’s doing anything silly. Perry appears to be selfless and devoid of vanity. In the episode, The Best Lazy Day Ever, it is only after he turns everything else affected by the Ugly-inator back to normal and he turns himself back to his normal state. He deeply cares about the Flynn-Fletcher Family and is scared to lose them. He will take immediate action whenever they are threatened. He is nice to not only his allies, friends, and his family, but to his nemesis Dr. Doofenshimirtz as well, thought only on some occasions. He gets along with his siblings extremely well and he always brings them on missions right by his side to fight evil. He can get a little bit irritated by his brothers, Groucho Perry and Fez Perry, are both being themselves but he gets along with them well. As a dream demon, he is always serious and ready to make his move. Whenever he’s making a deal with someone, his greenish teal hand starts burning periwinkle flames. As a siren, he’s ready to show off his singing voice and feeds on the positivity around him.

#perry the platypus #agent p #black cat miraculous #cat noir #plagg kwami #dream demon #mlp siren

[pookha]

Speed dating, slow burning

A Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. Rated T.

Doctor Doofenshmirtz/Flo from Progressive, Crack taken Seriously

Heinz thinks it's just going to be another disastrous night of speed dating, but he meets Flo and they start a whirlwind romance that takes them to different cities and takes each of them out of their self-doubt and into a new love.

This came about because my wife mentioned once that it would be funny because he was always mistaken for a pharmacist and Flo had commercials where she was mistaken for a baker.

The bell rang and the lady sitting across from Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz got up and moved to the next table. Heinz watched her depart and sighed. He knew neither of them would be marking the other as a match. A few seconds later, a dark-haired woman with a retro hairstyle tied back with a blue ribbon sat down across from him. Her white button up shirt had a nametag on it that read, ‘Flo’ and another button that read ‘I Love Insurance.’

“I’m Heinz,” he said and held out his hand. Flo smiled widely, showing very white straight teeth.

“Flo,” she said and took his hand. They shook briefly.

“So, you’re an evil scientist?” she asked with legitimate curiosity.

“ Ex- evil scientist: I’m just a scientist now.” He laughed.

“Oh, what made you change?” she asked.

“It’s a very long story that involves my nemesis, now my best friend, but we don’t have time for a long backstory now.” He waved his hand and some chorus dancers that had been lurking in the shadows of the bar moved back from the table to their hiding spaces. Flo didn’t notice them approaching or Heinz dismissing them.

“Most people think I’m a pharmacist,” he said and she smiled.

“Mara told me about you on the last break.” She pointed at a woman sitting at a table across from a handsome man.

“Huh, maybe she’ll hit it off with him; we didn’t vibe at all.” Heinz laughed again.

“Yeah, she’s a bit snarky and it’s not for everyone.”

“So, you sell insurance.”

“Yeah. Most people mistake me for a baker, especially when I have my apron on.” She grinned.

“Well, the button is a giveaway…also, Mara told me what she did and that you were with her.”

“What brings you to Danville?” he asked after a very short pause.

“We’re here for an insurance conference and then we’re going to film a commercial. I started off as a cashier at our virtual store and now I’m a spokesperson who goes from place to place and gives talks. I’m also in the television commercials.”

“It sounds lonely,” Heinz said before he thought.

“Sorry, I overstepped,” he said.

“Nah, it is,” she replied and thought for a second.

“It’s hard to make a connection when you’re always on the move. I think that’s why Mara and I came out tonight.” She sighed.

“How about you?” she asked.

“Well, I’m divorced and have a teenage daughter…I guess technically she’s an adult now, but she’s staying at home until she goes back to college this fall. I invent things and now I’m trying to invent time travel because my future self told me I will.”

He looked up at her, expecting to see doubt, but she looked interested.

“You don’t think that’s crazy?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“In just the three days we’ve been in the Tri-State Area, I’ve seen a giant robot attacking a cruise ship get stopped by a platypus wearing a hat and a mustachioed alien in a U.F.O talking to a couple of young men, so it seems like weird is just normal here.”

She put her hand over his on the table.

“You seem weird, but a good weird.”

“That platypus used to be my nemesis. Now we work together when we can. I helped him take down that robot. You think I’m bragging too much”

She shook her head and pointed at his watch.

“The platypus…”

“Perry the platypus,” he interrupted and she smiled again.

“The platypus had the same watch on when he tipped his hat to me after destroying the robot.”

The bell dinged. Her hand was still on his and it was warm. She squeezed it before she got up and moved to the next table. Heinz watched her make a mark on her card. He marked the ‘match’ square and then another woman sat down across from him. He turned his attention to her, but it didn’t go well. Neither did any of the other speed dates. He only had one ‘match’ marked on his card, but he doubted that Flo had matched with him.

The round ended and it was over. He turned in his card to the director. She consulted another card, smiled and said, “You’ve got a match this time, Heinz.” It was the first time he’d marked a match and had it reciprocated. The director pointed at Flo, who saw and waved at Heinz. Heinz’s heart beat a bit faster. He wiped his sweaty hands on his lab coat before he went to Flo.

“Heinz!” she said and hugged him. He returned it awkwardly, patting her back as he hugged her. She released him.

“So…” he paused.

“Let’s go out for dinner,” she said, taking his hand. “What’s good around here?”

“Have you ever had Drusselsteinian food?” he asked and she shook her head.

“Good, let’s not get any, I grew up eating it and it’s mostly awful.”

“Oh, you’re from Drusselstein?”

He nodded and noticed she was still holding his hand.

“There’s a nice Italian place around the corner that we won’t need reservations for. I eat there sometimes and it’s good.”

“Okay, I’m just going to let Mara know where I am.” She squeezed his hand and Heinz’s heart flip-flopped again. She went and talked to Mara for a moment. Mara eyed Heinz suspiciously, and he remembered his speed date with her. Flo laughed at something Mara said and Heinz discovered he already liked Flo’s laugh; it was warm and genuine. She left Mara and came back to Heinz. She took his hand again and he was happy that his hand wasn’t sweating like it usually did when he was on a date.

“Let’s go,” she said.

It was a warm summer evening, so neither of them needed a jacket. He led her out of the hotel bar and around the corner to a small restaurant with a sign over it that read ‘Gio’s authentic Italian cuisine.’ It was dark inside with the tables lit by candles in red jars. The whole place had a run-down 70’s vibe, but it smelled amazing.

“I know it’s not much to look at, but the food is good and the service is fine.”

The hostess at the front saw Heinz and said, “Table for two, Heinz?” She looked down at their still intertwined hands.

“Yes, please.” The hostess led them to a dark booth in the corner. Heinz chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Flo asked, sitting across from him.

“This is the table where they like to put couples on dates. I’ve never sat here before.” He pointed at a two-top by the front window.

“I usually sit there. Sometimes Vanessa, my daughter, comes with me and we still sit at the small table by the window.”

The waitress sat down menus and water in front of them and they ordered. While they were waiting for their appetizers they made small talk about family. Heinz told her about his brother Roger, the mayor. He mentioned he’d always been jealous of Roger and how he had tried to keep taking over the Tri-State area, but had finally moved on with therapy. He thought he’d said too much, but Flo nodded.

“Therapy helps,” she said and told him about her sister and family and how no matter what she did, it never seemed to be enough, even after becoming semi-famous on television. Their food came and the conversation turned to food and drink, then back to each other as the meal progressed. Flo was a good listener and Heinz never felt like he went too far with his past, but he carefully didn’t mention much of his childhood in Drusselstein. The chorus dancers walked by outside, but he caught the leader’s eye in the window and waved them off subtly: no backstory song and dance today, don’t want to scare Flo off. They left with the leader making a ‘pay me’ motion with her hand and Heinz nodded.

“So, what’s up with the dancers?” Flo asked. Of course she’d noticed.

“They’re on retainer to provide back-up singing and dancing during my backstory song, but we don’t need that today.” He chuckled nervously and Flo put her hand on his again.

“It’s okay, I like you, you’re interesting. Do you sing a lot for backstory?”

“I used to, but it’s a lot less common now. I don’t know how or when my life became a musical.” He sighed and she squeezed his hand.

“Television life is weird and meta, too, so I get it. Sometimes I wonder how my life became what it is.” He squeezed her hand and she didn’t pull back.

The waitress brought Tiramisu for dessert and placed it between them.

“We didn’t order this,” Heinz said.

“It’s on the house, Heinz, you’re a good customer and a good tipper.” She grinned and he knew she was enjoying being a bit of a wingman.

“Thank you,” he said. The waitress put down two forks. Flo laughed when she saw.

“Do you mind sharing it?” she asked and he shook his head. She grabbed a fork and took a bite.

“It’s delicious.” She picked up another piece and offered it to Heinz on her fork. He leaned forward and took the bite off the fork.

“It is good,” he said. “My daughter likes it, but I usually get spumoni if I want dessert. At least somewhat because spumoni is fun to say. Spumoni! Spumoni!”

Flo laughed again, which jiggled the fork and she got a blob of whipped cream on her nose. Heinz held up a napkin for her and she took it and wiped it off.

They finished the tiramisu, one taking a bite then the other. They talked about some of the places they’d been in common and they both said how much they liked Seattle.

“It’s not just the coffee,” Flo joked and Heinz laughed.

“It’s also not rainy all the time, just mostly in the fall, winter and spring.”

“So 75% of the time,” Flo said and this time Heinz laughed.

“Where are you off to next?” he asked.

“San Francisco, then L.A. We’re going to film a commercial on location and then finish up on a soundstage.”

They finished their meal and the waitress let them talk for a long time before offering coffee, which they both declined.

“I’ve got to get up early for an interview before the conference tomorrow, then we’re going to the airport.”

“I can’t have coffee this late,” Heinz said.

They both reached for the check, but Heinz got it first.

“Split?” Flo offered.

“Nah, I’ve got it.” He pulled out a black Amex and paid.

“That’s invite only,” Flo said, nodding at the card.

“What? This?” Heinz said, baffled.

“Yeah, it’s like for the super-rich. Are you a billionaire?”

Heinz snorted, laughed, then snorted again.

“No, not a billionaire. I get some money from my inventions and some from the alimony from my ex.”

The waitress returned and he held the card out so Flo could see it. She took it curiously, then handed it back.

“Sorry, that makes it seem like I’m a gold-digger.”

“Nah, I didn’t get that, you just seemed curious.”

They left and as they reached the door, she took his hand again.

“If I were here another night, I’d say let’s go out tomorrow, but the best I can do is give you my number.”

He put her number in his phone and she did the same with his. He sent her a test text and it went through and she returned with a smiley face emoji.

“I’ve got to go to bed now, Heinz, but I had a good time.” She leaned forward and pecked his cheek. He reciprocated and thought he saw a small blush on her neck near the collar of her shirt.

“I had a good time, too. I hope to hear from you.” She squeezed his hand one last time and went around the corner back to her hotel.

Heinz touched his cheek where she’d kissed him and then slowly walked back to his building. He made sure to Venmo the dancers and gave them a large tip. When he got home, Vanessa popped her head out of her room.

“Hey, Dad, how’d it go tonight?” she asked in a slightly defeated voice. She knew how his dates usually went.

“Great!” he said. “I met a really nice woman named Flo and we exchanged numbers.”

His phone dinged and he looked at it.

I really did have a good time tonight. The best in a while. I’ll text you from SF 😘

He texted back quickly.

Looking forward to it.

He debated for a moment before adding an animated gif of the moon rising over the Golden Gate bridge.

He looked up from his phone and Vanessa had come completely out of her room.

“That was her texting me from her hotel. She said she had a good time, too and will text from San Francisco in the next few days.”

“Nice, dad. Glad you had a good time. I’ll be in here if you need me.” She started to pull her head back.

“Love you, sweetie,” Heinz said and she stuck her head back out.

“Love you, too, dad.”

Heinz went to bed and sat with his phone on his chest for a long time, just looking at the kissy-face emoji. He wanted to text Flo again, but decided it would seem too desperate.

Two days later he was working on a Time Dilator-inator with Norm when his phone buzzed. He sighed, expecting it was Major Monogram or Carl with some problem at OWCA, but it was a text from Flo.

Ugh, shooting delayed for two days. Now I have a whole day in SF, but no one to share it with. Wish you were here for a 2nd date.

Heinz texted back immediately.

I can be there in 30 if you want.

His heart thumped and Norm shouted, “Abnormal sinus rhythm detected!”

“Shut up Norm!” Heinz yelled back, watching the “…” of Flo typing.

“Just doing my job,” Norm said. Even with his robotic voice, Heinz could tell he was pouting.

“Sorry, Norm, it’s just Flo texting me.” She was still typing.

“It’s okay, sir, I’ll just stop telling you when your heart rate is abnormal.” Norm clunked away, tossing down a monkey-wrench petulantly. Heinz was watching Norm retreat and missed when Flo had texted back.

Are you in SF? Not in Danville? How can you be here so fast? Would love it if it were true.

Heinz took a photo of an inator in the corner and sent it with a message.

I invented a Teleport-inator a long time ago and it still works just fine. Give me your address and I can be there in 30

His phone rang. The caller ID said it was Flo.

“Heinz,” he said, answering.

“It’s Flo. You’re not joking?”

“Nope, I just need to clean up and I can be there as quick as quick can be.”

“I’m staying at the Omni International, room 1214. Look forward to seeing you.”

“I’ll be there soon. Want me to bring anything?”

“Nah, we’ll make a day of it.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and he double-checked the Teleport-inator. It was still in good shape and it powered on when he plugged it in. He went and cleaned up and changed into jeans and a blue OWCA polo shirt that just had their non-acronym stitched over the pocket. He texted Vanessa that he was going to San Francisco and she texted back that she wanted some Ghirardelli chocolates. He laughed.

A few minutes later he stood in front of the inator. He triple-checked the coordinates, and pushed the button. There was a flash, he was disoriented for a moment and then he found himself in San Francisco. A passerby stopped and stared until Heinz walked away, then the man walked off at a quick pace, rubbing his eyes.

Heinz walked a block to the Omni International and went up to room 1214. He paused before knocking and checked his breath. He sighed, squared his shoulders and knocked. Flo’s voice came from inside.

“Just a moment!”

She opened the door a few seconds later. She looked different; she was wearing jeans and a Kelly Green shirt with a braided silver bead necklace. She wasn’t wearing her trademark red lipstick and her hair was covered with a blue kerchief. She must have noticed Heinz noticing.

“This is me without makeup,” she said. “Disappointed?”

“No, you’re lovely.”

“Aw, thanks. She pulled him into her room and hugged him.

“Seriously, you teleported here?” she asked as she broke the hug. She sat at the little chair in front of the desk.

“Sure, it’s pretty simple. Easier than time travel, anyway.” She laughed and he looked around the room. The hotel was nice, but not a luxury 5-star hotel.

“What would you like to do?” he asked and he sat on the bed.

She raised her eyebrow at him and he quickly stammered, “No-no, I wasn’t suggesting…hanky-panky. It was just a good place to sit.”

“Nah, just teasing you. I didn’t think you were implying that.” She tossed a pamphlet at him.

“How about Ghirardelli Square. It looks touristy and I don’t get to do touristy stuff much.”

“Oooh, perfect! Vanessa wanted me to pick up some Ghirardelli chocolate for her. I think she’s been here with a school group.”

“Cool, I’m ready now if you are, unless you’re tired from your flight.”

This time, he laughed and she laughed with him. He stood and so did she. She leaned past him to pick up her purse off the bed and he could smell her perfume. It reminded him of vanilla and summer peaches.

They took a cab down to Ghirardelli square and got out to walk. Even though it was summer, a stiff, cool breeze came in from the bay. They walked around looking at the shops and watched a mime for a moment until Heinz told Flo about the time he’d made a Mime-Inator and trapped all the mimes in the Tri-state area in invisible boxes.

“But, fortunately Perry the Platypus foiled me before I could trap everyone in invisible boxes. Man, I was a different person then.”

She took his hand, squeezed it and pulled him away from the mime.

“What made you change?” she asked.

Heinz paused in thought for a long time.

“I realized that I wasn’t doing anything useful or leaving a legacy that meant anything. I originally wanted my daughter, Vanessa, to follow in my footsteps and be evil, but I saw that she has a little bit of that evil and I could picture her becoming a megalomaniacal villain like I was trying to be and it just hit me that it was a waste. I started working with the group that always foiled me and after my penthouse was destroyed I lived with a very nice family that helped me change, too.”

“Is the group named OWCA?” she asked.

He blinked and she pointed at his shirt.

“Oh, yeah, but I didn’t tell you that, because it’s a secret organization.”

“So secret that they put their acronym on a shirt?”

Heinz smiled widely.

“They don’t have an acronym, they’re the Organization Without a Cool Acronym.”

Flo laughed so hard she had to pause and lean her head on Heinz. His chest burned where she leaned on him.

“No acronym,” she wheezed. “Oxymoron.”

She finally stopped laughing, but kept her head leaning on his side slightly as they walked the square hand in hand. They made small talk and he learned that she’d been in an improv troupe in college that had a big comedy star in it and she heard how he’d been raised by ocelots at one point.

“Ooo, let’s do that.” She pointed at an indoor miniature golf course.

“Okay,” Heinz agreed and they went in. It was fairly empty and they picked up their putters and balls. Heinz hit a hole in one on the first hole and Flo kissed him on the cheek in congratulations.

“Too much?” she asked.

“Nah,” Heinz said.

They played their round, stopping at the ‘turn’ for a corndog and a soda, then finished their round. Flo beat him by three strokes and she asked him if he let her.

“No way,” he said.

“I just thought maybe because you hit the hole in one on the first hole,” she said.

“I was just lucky, like when I sat down across from you.” Heinz smiled a genuine smile and he liked how he was smiling more now already.

They walked through all the shops and in one particularly touristy one, he crushed a penny in a machine that stamped the Golden Gate on it. He gave it to Flo and she put it in a pocket. She bought a glass paperweight that was slightly cloudy and said it contained ‘100% authentic San Francisco fog.’ She gave it to Heinz and he rubbed it on his shirt before he put it back in the bag. After a while, they went into a bar that was styled as an English pub.

They went to the bar and Flo ordered a Guinness and Heinz had a soda.

“Do you not drink?” she asked as they sat down at an open table.

“Very little,” he said. “I just don’t like it; it’s not some moral thing.”

“You don’t mind if I do?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“So, since I already know about OWCA and Perry the Platypus, can you tell me more about it?”

“Not anything more than they stop people who need stopping; I can’t give you any details. Sorry.” He wiped his brow.

“Is it warm in here?” he asked.

“Hmm, maybe a little.” Her foot bumped his leg under the table.

“Nope that made it hotter,” he said and she laughed, but pulled back her foot.

“Sorry,” she said and laughed again. Heinz noticed she was laughing a lot around him and he tried to remember if that was a good sign or not. He decided her smile definitely was.

“No need to be sorry. I just think it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date with a beautiful woman and it wasn’t a disaster.”

“Oh?”

He told her about the time he’d invented boots that helped him square dance to impress a date and how it went wrong. She laughed at all the right spots. She told him about the time she went out with a movie star and figured out he was just trying to distract the paparazzi from his real date, who he met at the bar in the VIP section and left Flo on her own.

“Wow! Want me to hit that guy with my ugly-inator?” Heinz asked, half-seriously. Flo looked at his face carefully, trying to figure out if he meant it or not.

“No, please don’t. It seems like something you would have left behind.”

Heinz sighed.

“It is, but sometimes you still want to give people their just desserts.”

“I get that. I really do, but karma will catch up to him,” Flo said.

“Speaking of dessert, do you want to get dinner? It’s a bit early, but that corndog wasn’t really much.”

“Sure, I’ll go to the bar and see if they do table service.” She got up, went to talk to the bartender and came back a moment later with menus. She handed one to Heinz.

“Looks like it’s traditional British fare.”

“Oh, sorry,” Heinz said, and she laughed again.

“I like shepherd’s pie and they have a few American things, too.”

After they’d ordered their food (shepherd’s pie for Flo and a plain cheeseburger for Heinz) they talked easily until it arrived. Flo ate hers with gusto, taking the mash off each bite first, then eating the meat and veggies under it next. Heinz picked at his burger and fries.

“Not good?” Flo asked.

“Just nervous still, I think.” He sighed.

“I always think I’m going to do or say something to wreck it. I guess it’s a type of impostor syndrome where I don’t think I deserve good things like a nice date with a beautiful woman who laughs at my jokes and thinks I’m okay.”

She put her hand over his again.

“If it helps, think of it as karma for trying to change. I feel it, too. It’s hard for me to get along with the sort of men I meet where it seems like they always just want a quick bang and then they know I’ll be moving on. I want more, but being on the move is hard. You having a teleporter makes it easier. Also, you don’t seem like you just want to get in my pants.”

“I mean, I do want that, maybe, but not until we get to know each other more. I’m just not wired to sleep together on the first or second date,” Heinz said. He turned his hand upright in hers and squeezed it.

“See that’s nice. It’s a nice change.” She returned the squeeze and they finished their meal. The talk was lighter now, avoiding hard topics. Heinz actually finished all his fries and most of his burger. There was hardly a drip of gravy left in Flo’s bowl.

Heinz started to pay, but Flo insisted on getting the tab this time.

“I have money, too.”

He half-bowed to her.

“Thank you.”

As they walked out back into the square, the red sun over the bay was still fairly high. Heinz’s watch beeped and he looked at it, then excused himself for a moment. He walked a short distance away, but Flo could still hear him.

“Yes, I’m in San Francisco. No, I’m on a date. Yes, a date. I’ll be back later tonight.”

He paused and listened

“I used one of my old inators to teleport here.”

He listened again and laughed.

“I’ll tell her. See you later, Carl.”

He walked back to Flo.

“Work?” she asked.

“Yeah, they need me to look at something that may have been made by an evil scientist and see what it was part of.” He glanced at his watch again.

“Do you need to leave right away?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s get your daughter her chocolate then, in case you have to leave suddenly.” She took his hand and guided him to the chocolate shop.

“They don’t manufacture it here any more, do they?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“No, it’s all made somewhere else now, but they still have their premier storefront here.”

They shopped the store together and took a few samples from the salesperson. Heinz bought two packages of sea salt dark chocolate caramels and one of solid milk chocolates. Flo bought mint filled dark chocolates.

They went to sit on a bench in the shade and he gave Flo the extra bag of sea salt chocolate.

“For me?” she asked and he nodded.

“Thank you.”

They shared some chocolate on the bench and she leaned her head on his shoulder. His watch made a noise again, but he didn’t look at it.

“Work again?”

“No, it was my health monitor.” He laughed, then shifted so she could see the face of the watch.

Abnormal sinus rhythm detected, sir. Yes, I know, shut up.

She laughed, then lifted her head off his shoulder and he turned to look at her. She lifted her head slightly and their lips met. Her hand slid behind his head when he tried to pull back and he relaxed into the kiss. Her lips were salty from the chocolate, and so warm. The kiss lasted for only a few seconds. His watch made a noise again and he started to laugh.

“You make my heart thump,” he said. She took his hand and put it over her breast and he could feel her heart beating fast, too.

“Ditto,” she said.

“I had a good time today,” she said standing. She helped Heinz up.

“Me too.” He leaned in for a kiss this time and she returned it. It was a kiss that promised more in the future.

“I do have to go. I’ll text you tomorrow?”

She smiled.

“Text me tonight and tomorrow.”

“I will. Stand back a few feet.”

She stepped back and he touched his watch. Not even a second later he disappeared with a small pop of displaced air and a smell of ozone.

Her phone dinged.

Safe at home

She texted back.

Glad to hear it. I’ll think of you later while I’m eating this chocolate.

She took a cab back to her hotel and later sat in her bath with a book and the chocolates. She did think of Heinz while she was eating them and wished he was there.

At the same time, Heinz was at OWCA headquarters looking at a robot’s head that Perry had torn off.

“Yep, it’s Rodney’s work all right. I’ll make you a targeted EMP device that should only take out his electronics since he uses his own bespoke components.”

He worked on it for several hours and then took a break. He texted Flo.

Late night. Sorry if you’re already asleep. Texting like I promised. Hope to see you sometime soon. XOXO

She didn’t respond and when Heinz looked at the time, he realized it was 2am on the west coast. He sighed and went back to work. Carl brought him a coffee.

They texted and facetimed a few times over the next two weeks. Flo was always busy, on the move from city to city, sometimes filming, sometimes presenting at a conference. Heinz helped foil Rodney’s plans and then went to Paris to help rebuild a bit of a superconducting supercomputer there that had been damaged by an alien attack. When he was done, Heinz took a photo of the Eiffel Tower.

Next time I’m here, I want to take you to the top of the tower. The view of Paris is incredible.

She texted him photos of the Space Needle and the Gateway Arch and said she wanted him there.

Finally, almost a month later they met up again in Chicago. They took in a Cubs game at Wrigley and then went to the museum of Science and Industry. He took her on the coal mine tour there. That night, the goodbye kiss outside her hotel room lingered. Heinz could tell she was considering inviting him in.

“Tell you what,” he said. “Tell you what, tell you what, next time you have some free time, I’ll teleport you to Danville and you can see my place and meet my daughter.”

She blinked, then laughed.

“I like that. I think I might be falling in love with you, Heinz. It’s a weird, teenagery feeling that I thought I’d left behind. It’s fluttery and strange and I like it very much.”

She leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He pushed her up against the door of her hotel room and her hand moved lower on his back.

“I like it, too,” he said when he pulled away finally after an age.

She squeezed his hands as she went into her room. He let the door close before he teleported away.

Just a few days later, she texted him and he teleported her to his penthouse. He was ready with the paper bag when she popped in, but she didn’t barf like most people did when they teleported for the first time.

She immediatey noticed the large, man-shaped robot hovering over Heinz.

“Glad to meet you!” it bellowed.

“Glad to meet you, Norm,” she said.

Norm stumped off, humming to himself.

Heinz showed her around his workroom, pointing out various inators that were old or new, broken or working. On his desk, in a place of honor, she saw a photo of Heinz in his lab coat with his arm around a teal platypus with a hat. She didn’t know how she knew, but she could tell the platypus was smiling. She noticed a photo of her outside Wrigley field next to Perry’s photo.

A young woman dressed in black came out of a room, did a double-take when she saw Flo and introduced herself.

“I’m Vanessa,” she said.

“Flo.” She released Vanessa’s hand.

“I’m going out tonight with friends. I’ll be back late.” Vanessa hugged Heinz and left.

“She seems nice,” Flo said.

“But not too nice,” Heinz added, then sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Flo asked, putting her arm through his.

“She’s in love with someone, but it’s complicated because he’s a lot younger.”

“Ah,” Flo said, not knowing what to say.

“The age gap won’t seem weird in a few years and she’s being mature about it, but I can tell it’s hard for her.”

“Sorry.”

He waved it off.

“My problem…and Vanessa’s. We’ll get through it.”

He showed her the rest of his penthouse. Norm made them a homemade tapas meal with lots of choices of small dishes.

“Now, you’ll get the only part of Drusselsteinian food that’s any good: the Doonkelberry pie!” Heinz took a cloche from over a pie. A bat flew out of the rafters and tried to grab it, but Norm was too fast with a net.

“It smells amazing, and it’s still warm.” Flo took the slice proffered by Heinz.

“Norm makes a good pie, almost as good as Lindana’s.” Heinz laughed and served himself a slice. He closed the cloche as another bat made a dive at it. Norm caught it with the net, too.

“Are the bats normal?” Flo asked and Heinz smiled.

“They love the berries. I don’t know where they hide-”

“Wait. Did you mean Lindana, the pop star?” Flo interrupted him.

He told her about his date with Lindana and how she lived as a house-wife in the Tri-State area now. He told her that her stepson was the one that Vanessa had a thing for.

“Never thought you’d be one to date a pop star,” she said around a bite of pie.

“Yeah, it was a disaster. I was a bad person then.” They finished the pie and went into the living room to watch a movie, but missed almost all of it making out like teenagers. Norm came in at one point and then left immediately when he saw them on the couch. The movie ended and neither of them got up. Heinz’s watch dinged and they both jumped.

“Work?” she asked.

“No, bedtime.” He answered.

“Want to come with me?” he asked as he stood.

“I’ve wanted that for a while now,” she said and took his hand as she stood.

They walked off slowly to his bedroom and didn’t come out until late the next morning.

Two months later, Heinz made good his promise and took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower. A month later to the top of the CN tower in Toronto and then deep into Carlsbad Caverns.

One year to the day after their first date they sat in the same Italian restaurant and when the tiramisu came out there was a velvet box on it. Flo didn’t even open it before she said yes.

#fanfiction #phineas and ferb #doctor doofenshmirtz #crack taken seriously #flo from progressive

[historyhermann]

“Phineas and Ferb”: An Animated Series All Can Enjoy

Candace tells her mom that her brothers are making a title sequence in the show's opening song

Phineas and Ferb tells the story of two stepbrothers who try to keep themselves occupied during their summer vacation, building elaborate inventions, while their sister tries to bust them and expose them to her mom, hoping to get recognition.

Reprinted from The Geekiary, my History Hermann WordPress blog on Feb. 15, 2023, and Wayback Machine. This was the fiftieth article I wrote for The Geekiary. This post was originally published on August 11, 2022.

Phineas and Ferb is an animated musical, comedy, and science fantasy series created by Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. They are a long-time animation writing duo who worked together on The Simpsons and Rocko's Modern Life. With the show debuting in August 2007, the series ran for four seasons and over 120 episodes. The series finale aired on June 15, 2015.

As a warning, this recommendation discusses some spoilers for the four seasons of Phineas and Ferb.

Candace happily talks on the phone while her brother, Phineas, pushes an elephant in the background, and his pet platypus, Perry, walks behind him in the show's opening sequence

Phineas and Ferb centers around two stepbrothers, Phineas Flynn (Vincent Martella) and Ferb Fletcher (Thomas Brodie-Sangster). They live in the city of Danville and go on adventures during their summer vacation. Often their older teenage sister, Candace Flynn (Ashley Tisdale) attempts to bust them. She also tries to garner attention Jeremy Johnson (Mitchel Musso), a boy she likes.

If that isn't absurd enough, the animal companion of Phineas and Ferb is a platypus named Perry. While he acts like an animal who can't "do anything" when around his human family. In actuality, he is a secret agent who is a member of O.W.C.A. (Organization Without a Cool Acronym). He faces off against the devious, yet bumbling, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmitz (Dan Povenmire). Doof has a rival named Rodney (Joe Orrantia) and is a member of the group of villains named L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N..

These storylines are interlaced with running gags, surreal and situational comedy. This involves word jokes, pop culture parodies, metahumor, wordplay, blank stares, and breaking the fourth wall.

In many ways, the series has many similarities to Milo Murphy's Law, a sci-fi action adventure comedy set in the same universe as Phineas and Ferb. This carries over in its tones and characters. The second season of Milo Murphy's Law becomes a full-fledged crossover with some characters from Phineas and Ferb.

Phineas and Ferb was often promoted by Disney during its long run. There were live-action talk shows, two crossover episodes, and two television films. The first film, Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension aired in 2011.

The second Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe aired in 2020. The latter film is the most recent animation of the franchise's characters, apart from Chibi Tiny Tales. However, revival series for The Proud Family, and for Moana and The Princess and the Frog film characters, may mean Disney might revive Phineas and Ferb.

Many of the show's characters shown at the end of the Season 2 episode "Rollercoaster: The Musical!"

The series is unique because it has a blended family. It is more common in pop culture now than when the series aired. Apart from Phineas, Ferb, and Candace, their mom, Linda Flynn-Fletcher (Caroline Rhea), and their dad Lawrence Fletcher (Richard O'Brien) are recurring characters. Occasionally Linda's parents, Clyde (Barry Bostwick) and Betty Jo (Rhea), and Lawrence's parents, Reginald (Malcolm McDowell) and Winifred (Jane Carr) appear.

This family focus is reflected in many songs and musical numbers throughout the series. There's even a fictional rock band named Love Händel. This is not unique. Disney characters in Elena of Avalor, Kim Possible, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, and The Ghost and Molly McGee sing about how families are wholesome and without fault.

Kim Possible, a Disney series, has similarities, dialogue that caters to adult viewers, and visual jokes. However, Phineas and Ferb is different. It lacks in racial diversity among the cast. There are many White characters, such as a bully named Buford van Stomm (Bobby Gaylor), Carl the Intern (Tyler Alexander Mann), the hippyish friend of Candace, Jenny Brown (Stoner), and Doofenshirtz's ex-wife, Charlene (Allison Janey).

Characters who are people of color are the minority. They include two characters of Jewish Mexican descent: Isabella Garcia-Shapiro (Alyson Stoner), and Vivian Garcia-Shapiro (Eileen Galindo). Also, Baljeet Tjinder (Maulik Pancholy) is of Indian descent and Stacy Hirano (Kelly Hu) and is of Japanese descent.

Some fans of the show from South Asia, and Baljeet, criticized the series for problematic, and stereotypical character traits. In an interview in May 2021, Dan Povenmire asked people to not use the character's name as an insult. He said that these criticisms of Baljeet, and the show, were valid. Povenmire stated that during the show, they leaned into cultural differences of Baljeet, and characters from other cultures, which "may have not aged well". He also argued that Baljeet became a "more well-rounded character" through the course of the show.

At the same time, there are many non-human characters. Apart from Perry, there's Isabella's pet chihuahua, Pinky, and many O.W.C.A agents. Both of which have voice effects by Dee Bradley Baker. There's also a robot created by Doofenshmirtz, Norm (John Viener). Pinky, like Perry, faces a villain, Prof. Esmeralda Poofenplotz (Amanda Plummer). She has a boss named Admiral Wanda Acronym (Jane Leeves).

Candace and Vanessa talk in the end of the episode "Night of the Living Pharmacists", the last time they appear together in the series proper

In April 2021, Dan Povenmire, co-creator of Milo Murphy’s Law and Phineas and Ferb, announced in a Tik Tok comment in that Perry the Platypus was asexual. This led to discourse on Twitter on the topic. Some praised him as a “king” and an “icon”, made the show more interesting to watch, and a win for asexuals. Others said that making the only animal character in the series is not something you get “brownie points” for and bemoaned the lack of asexual representation.

That representation after-the-fact, was better than gay vibes or subtext that fans can take from the series. Just as various fans support the slash ship between Cavendish and Dakota in Milo Murphy's Law, Dakavendish, according to the Shipping Wiki fandom listing, some fans of Phineas and Ferb ship Buford and Baljeet (Bujeet), the two Doofensmirtz (Doofcest), Ferb and Bauljeet (Ferbjeet), Phineas and Dipper (Phindip), Candace and Stacy (Candacy), or Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella (Phinerbella).

However, one ship stands out: the one between Candace and Vanessa Doofenshmirtz (Olivia Olson). Called "Candessa" by fans, it has a small following on social media platforms and even has a subreddit dedicated to it. Unfortunately, the show's canon somewhat invalidates the ship as it shows Vanessa and Ferb together in a future episode, making Ferbnessa canon. The show's writing and scenes make the Phinabella ship between Phineas and Isabella, and Canderemy ship between Candace and Jeremy canon. Even so, there is no heterosexual explanation for how Candace and Vanessa act around one another.

On the other hand, as Alex Henderson pointed out in his review criticizing heteronormivity in Spy x Family, a story can "have queer themes even if it doesn’t have queer representation" and have queer readings even if there isn't any direct acknowledgement of "any queer issues within its narrative or any of its narrative framings." This is the case for Phineas and Ferb, with heteronormivity and gender norms communicated through the dress, clothing colors, mannerisms, and actions of characters. For one, Marsh has said that there are LGBTQ characters in the series, but did not give any names.

Furthermore, Swampy hoped that the son "Rebels Let's Go" would be a "LGBT anthem", while the voice actor of Phineas, Vincent Martella, said that neither Phineas, nor Ferb, are TERFs. Additionally, at the beginning of the episode "Act Your Age", Povenmire and Swampy said that Perry would not have a girlfriend, hinting at possible asexuality.

Some of the voice actors are part of the LGBTQ community. Stoner came out in March 2016, saying she was "attracted to men, women, and people who identify in other ways". She later said that she wanted to remain fluid at how she described her sexual orientation. Stoner voiced a lesbian character in The Loud House named Sam Sharp. In addition, Baljeet's voice actor, Pancholy, came out as gay in 2013.

Queer fans of Phineas and Ferb have headcanoned Doofenshmirtz, Candace, and Vanessa as bisexual, Roger Doofensmirtz (Doof's brother) as gay, Ferb and Phineas as non-binary, and Stacey as trans. Others found canon support for Bujeet. This makes sense, as does seeming acknowledgement that Perry is trans male, even if headcanons don't make sense. After all, Martella came out strongly in support of the LGBTQ community, to give one example.

Some fans may headcanon Candace as trans since she has a deep voice when she is near parsnips. She also sings about changing her name to "Larry" in the song "Come Home Perry".

The show has been very influential. Olson's voice role in the series is one of the reasons that Pendleton Ward, the Adventure Time creator, had her voice Marceline in Adventure Time. In fact, I'm almost certain I learned about Phineas and Ferb, when Pamela Adlon, who voiced a character in the aforementioned series, sang the theme song of the series. She sang it along with other characters of Better Things.

Phineas and Ferb has similarities to animated series about super spies and covert organizations. While Inside Job had a hilarious episode which parodied spy thrillers, the French and Canadian action comedy series, Totally Spies! had the most similarities. In that series, Alexandra "Alex", Clover, and "Sam" Samantha are teenagers who fight evildoers on the side. They work for the World Organization of Human Protection (WOOHP). Their boss, Jerry, is like Major Monogram (Jeff "Swampy" Marsh) in Phineas and Ferb.

However, since it took 15 years before Disney accepted the series, and it aired on Disney, it is unlikely that Totally Spies! influenced Phineas and Ferb. Additionally, some have called Doof the most "human villain" on TV. This makes him different from villains or malcontents within Totally Spies!, which will return for another season next year.

The series also featured many well-known voices. For example, Ming-Na Wen, Corey Burton, Cloris Leachman, Meera Syal, and Kari Wahlgren voice characters in the series. There are also a plethora of guest stars such as Phil LaMarr, Keith Ferguson, Kevin Michael Richardson, John DiMaggio, George Takei, and Stan Lee.

Povenmire and Swampy have used the series to springboard into their own projects. Povenmire is leading the soon-to-premiere action-comedy-superhero series, Hamster & Gretel. In an interview with him, and his daughter, Meli, who is voicing the show's protagonist, Gretel, he said he has ADHD. It was implied that Gretel has ADHD as well. The series will also feature Stoner as Lauren / The Destructress.

Swampy is an executive producer and director of S.A.L.E.M.: The Secret Archive of Legends, Enchantments, and Monsters, an indie animated series by Samantha "Sam" Sawyer about a non-binary cryptid named Salem. He is a founder of the company Surfer Jack Productions.

It remains to be seen if Povenmire and Swampy will work together in a future series. They seem to be going off in their own directions, rather than collaborating together as they did on Phineas and Ferb and Milo Murphy's Law.

Despite the lack of diversity in cast and lack of openly LGBTQ characters in Phineas and Ferb, something which recent Disney series like The Ghost and Molly McGee, Amphibia, and The Owl House, it still stands out as a strong series. I would unequivocally recommend the series.

Currently, Phineas and Ferb is streaming on Disney+ and Prime Video, with the first season available for free on YouTube.

© 2022-2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

#phineas and ferb #disney animation #disney plus #candace flynn #candessa #vanessa doofenshmirtz #dan povenmire #jeff swampy marsh #milo murphy's law #lgbtq #asexual #headcanon #trans headcanon #salem series #the ghost and molly mcgee #amphibia #the owl house #hamster & gretel #totally spies #Youtube

[brodyd0ll]

Andy Granelli Interview

In 2001 you ended up joining The Distillers. Did you already know Brody Dalle at that point? And did you ever imagine that they would be the band you’d still be playing with this many years later?

In joining Hellcat, and with The Distillers on Hellcat, Brody and Tim… I met Brody at the Danville Grange in like 2000 and we hit it off immediately. Just like Tim Presley and I, we just became friends. Hearing she had a band, and with Eric’s friendship with Tim Armstrong, it was like “of course we want your wife’s band to play with us, let’s do this.”

Kim, Matt and Brody were rad. They were always great friends and good people to us. Kim Chi and I, and Tim—we all became good friends. And Brody and Rose! Rose lived with Brody at the time and it just became a fast friendship. Brody is a great artist and song writer, and creative and has a killer voice. She’s Brody, she’s always been Brody. I immediately fell in love with the band, I just loved the whole thing. Nerve Agents and Distillers played together quite a lot.

Yeah, I’ve seen quite a few fliers for sure. Then at some point you kind of get asked into the band I take it?

Well, in Distillers folklore... Brody got into some hot water with partying on tour, she wasn’t supposed to. She got taken off tour and she was like “fuck it, I can’t do this. I’m not doing the band. I’m breaking up The Distillers.” This was with Kim and Matt. But in December of 2000 Brody also had a tour with Rancid and AFI coming up which was going to be the biggest tour of the winter. Tour of the year in punk rock at the time.

Brody had just gone through this deal with her old band on a tour, kind of a bad time, with Kim and Matt who are older than her. Matt was about 15 years older than her and had a family, and Kim Chi was like 10 or 15 years older than Brody too so she always felt like this little kid. She wanted to not do [the band], but she also had this tour. We were talking one night, her and I, and Nerve Agents had just turned down a winter tour.

We were supposed to go do Warped Tour Canada or some shit like that. Eric, Tim, and Dante all had to work. Tim had school. We couldn’t do it and I was mad. I wanted to fucking tour, you know! So I was like “I’m gonna take a tour with Brody.” So we were talking this one night and I was like “well, I’ll do it. I know your songs.” And Brody said “let me think about it.” We ended up working it out, I did the tour and I asked Dante to do it with us.

That’s what I thought! I remember for a hot second he played with The Distillers as well. I think because he sort of has a similar vibe to Ryan I was a little hazy. With internet memories you get a little like “was that him in that photo? Or was that a different person?”

Dante definitely influenced a lot of people at the time. He just looks like the guy from The Cramps t-shirt [laughs].

Exactly!

But it was badass, he pulled it out. So yeah, then we did the tour, we came home and it got weird between me and [The Nerve Agents], Brody and I being friends. I have my own desires and the other guys were in work and school and I wasn’t. If there’s one thing that I do regret it’s that there was no reason we couldn’t have just done it all. There became these finalities like “you can’t do two bands at once!”

Looking back, it seems like a lot of bands could’ve co-existed if they had just said “alright, in a couple months we’ll just reconvene.” But at the time you feel like that’s not possible, the drive kind of dies out.

Yeah, and for me, I put such high value on work that I needed to work. I needed to work to live, to pay my rent and eat, but also to validate my life! So if I wasn’t working, if I was sitting around waiting for whatever, what am I doing? I’m not living, I’m dying. It’s like atrophy. With Brody and I, I saw no difference in friendship with me and Brody, me and Tim, me and Eric. It just became an equation of need.

She needed me, and I needed her. We needed each other very much, and did [the band]. Unfortunately, it kind of became a point of bad feelings between me and Eric for a little bit, but time heals all wounds and I think he understands. I hope he understands. It’s a different situation.

#the distillers #brody dalle #distillers #andy granelli