#but I also have to do research for my dissertation so *cries*
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And we're back!
Initial thoughts on TBB S3 Eps 1-3
SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT
3x1 Confined
Final season premiere let's go!!!
Storms are never a good sign
There's creepy shit on Tantiss (crocodile thing from the trailer maybe?)
Although Hemlock counts as creepy enough
He's the creepiest thing on the whole planet 😬
Tbf there's a stunning view, it's just a shame about the prison window blocking it
CROSS IS BACK!!!
Omega blood sample? That's gotta come back later in the season!
Are these blood samples labelled? How tf does anyone know which is which??? That's just bad lab practice 🙄
Oh the weird machine knows. Nvm
"Replicate the genetic M count" and they want Omega's blood???
Nala Se is protecting Megs. Slenderbitch may actually be of some use
Force senstive Megs?
This feels like this is linking with the cloning plot in The Mandalorian
The animal welfare standards here are abysmal 😠
BATCHER?! Oh that's adorable 😍
And I thought Omegas's room was bad holy shit 😭
The grid across Cross' room is casting a crosshair on Omega's face. I love little details like that
21 tallies on wall = 21 rotations? That doesn't seem like very long
STRAW LULA?! 😭❤️
Why are there blood drips going into each sample? This seems like a contamination issue
At least 150 tallies now 😭
Subject will be terminated if they don't heal. Feels very much like the clones when they were on Kamino, which just shows how much the clones were treated like animals
"I belong here" *sobs*
Cross don't make me cry istg. I can't do this at 8am on a Wednesday 😭
Okay but the droid kind of had a point about Batcher struggling in the wild because of Omega domesticating her. One thing you learn about working in a zoo environment is that hand-reared animals have no idea how to behave like their wild counterparts and basically turn into little psychos (like you can't actually be in the same room as some of them levels of bad). That or they rely on people too much and have no idea how to fend for themselves. Either way, the droid wasn't entirely wrong
Hemlock is a bastard 😒
Omega's theme!!!
Season premiere and only two Batcher (neither of whom are Hunt or Wreck). Interesting!
1x2 Paths Unknown
Fucking Roland Durand?!
Did not expect that in episode 2 omg!
Hunter and Wrecker being mercenaries for the Durands?
Ah okay it seems to be a one off
THE GOGGLES IN THE SHIP! 😭😭😭😭
Hunt and Wreck be looking a bit scuffed
Echo and Rex mention!
They won't be available for 2 rotations? Well we're not seeing them this episode then...
Hunter's emotions are making him impulsive and that's not really a good thing
Wrecker is actually the one holding back, which is an interesting dynamic. Wrecker can see how bad Hunter is coping and is probably having to keep him in line as much as he can so that they don't lose another brother
CLONE CADETS! CLONE CADETS!
These ones actually have New Zealand accents as well
The slither vines were genetically made and got out of hand? This is what we mean by invasive species, people. Very much not good
Okay so we have one called Box and one called Stak
Are the cadets not affected by the chips? Do they only active in fully trained soldiers?
We need to get these kids to Echo and Rex
GONKY BACKPACK!!! 😆
Poor Gonky is stuck upside down.
These vines are making vocalisations somehow and it's confusing me. Plant voice boxes?
OKAY WTF ARE THOSE THINGS???
They look like weird green versions of the slogs from Abe's Oddysee
Why are you breaking into the Marauder???
You better not be stealing it. That's already happened and we can't do it again
Okay clone cadet 3 is Deke
Ayyyy rescue time!
Okay, I'll let them off for getting on the ship
Because we totally needed a swampy sarlacc thing rn 😭
PABU!!!
*Remembers invasion of Pabu in trailer* FUCK
1x3 Shadows of Tantiss
I'm going to throw hands if Echo isn't in this episode 😤
Ooh mystery clone(?) who everyone thinks is Tech!
Nala Se is helping again 👀
The special guest is probs Palpatine
Le Palps is back
Project Necromancer - bringing back the dead?
So is this to do with the cloning stuff or something to do with Tech?
Probs the cloning thing tbf
*Angry mouse droid squeaks*
FUCK YEAH CROSS!
Missed watching this guy fight
Cross and Omega team up let's go!!!
Cross doesn't question why Omega only mentioned Wrecker and Hunter. Has Omega told him about Tech or did he just not question why she only brought two up?
And in that case has she told him that Echo is with Rex?
I HAVE QUESTIONS!
Cross went for the stun not the kill. Very different from 2x3
Do you think Hemlock has a scar or does he just choose to shave a slit in his eyebrow? 🤨
Oh great a big green monkey cat. Just what we need!
"Of course he did". CROSSHAIR BEING SOFT ABOUT TECH HELP
Cross is missing shots because of his shaky hands :(
OMEGA M COUNT???
Oooooooh they're adding blood with midichlorians in to the samples to see if they would take. That explains the blood being added to the samples
Overall I love these episodes! It's nice going back and forth between Cross and Omega, and Hunter and Wrecker. We're going to get some interesting dynamics
This is a very sad day for Echo stans though. I feel like we're going to be suffering a lot this season 🥲
And here's the bingo card as of rn!
#glad to be back#need to do some theorising#but I also have to do research for my dissertation so *cries*#the bad batch#the bad batch spoilers#tbb spoilers#the bad batch season 3 spoilers#tbb omega#tbb crosshair#tbb wrecker#tbb hunter
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TW: Medical Trauma
I'm doing an annotated bibliography for my research class, and I'm reading a dissertation by Astle (2023) that was created in collaboration with interACT so they could gain intersex youth's perspectives on their upbringings so that more improved recommendations could be created for caregivers of intersex youth.
All the participants are ages 18 to 29, and reading their experiences has been so...
As someone who was diagnosed as intersex within the first year or so of his life, and even with said condition being one that doesn't typically involve surgical procedures minus instances of heavy recommendation, I had such a typical childhood.
I was raised as a girl, though with the awareness that I was not like other girls, but you know what my parents did? They refused to force femininity onto me. They never discouraged me from breaking gender role stereotypes when I was obsessed with dinosaurs and video games as a kid. They encouraged it.
My pediatrician apparently said that I was just "a different kind of normal", and he seemed to be a massive influence of support for my anxious parents whose firstborn child was intersex.
However, my parents were nervous of what would happen if they revealed I would never have a period. That I couldn't carry a pregnancy.
But when I learned at age 9, I didn't care, and life carried on. The only way being intersex influenced my childhood was that it gave me a vague sense of alienation in sex education classes, though it wasn't emotionally difficult so I'd just ignore it all. Intersex was not a word I heard spoken by my peers, but I also never got an impression that the word had stigma attached to it.
As a result, it's just devastating to see other intersex people my age who didn't get that sense of ease or comfort in their childhood. It's fucking devastating.
This particular statement made me start sobbing. I haven't cried this much in months. It's fucking devastating.
Even with the genetic tests, the audiometric testing, the several ultrasounds, two MRIs, and a bladder scope… I didn’t undergo any medical trauma.
None. Fucking none.
Not even any social trauma! At all! The friends who knew I was intersex as a kid weren’t bothered by it!
That’s a good thing, but oh my god that’s rare, and I can’t stop crying.
It’s fucking devastating.
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Chapter 19 - Epilogue
WC: 1941
Rated: E
Chapter Tags: fluff, dialogue heavy, age difference, established relationship
A/N: took fucking long enough lol. But hey I did it and that's what matters. Also - somehow I made both Laszlo fics exactly 19 chapters by coincidence. That being said, I am potentially doing a one shot series for our doctor duo here. I have 1 already written, and I'm not quite ready to give up our dear doctor kreizler yet, but one shots will be less pressure for me given my work life. Anyways, thank you all for reading and sticking with me on this journey. I couldn't have done it without yall.
🧠
You could feel the sweat dripping down the back of your neck as you sat in the sweltering August sun. The speaker at the podium droned on. You didn't listen to a thing she was saying. After two years of the fast-paced PhD program kicking your ass you were finally at the finish line, only moments away from receiving your doctorate.
Neither of you heard a peep from Dr. Stratton after that day in his office. You had assumed that once the spring semester finished and she gathered her research she headed back to wherever she came from, never to bother either of you again. No inquiry came either. If people knew about your relationship they said nothing to you. Laszlo caught a whiff of a rumor concerning the two of you once between some girls gossiping in one of his lectures, but again, nothing developed further so you both elected to ignore it. The semester and summer months came and went without further trouble.
Laszlo had been there supporting you through finishing and defending your dissertation. He even booked a private room for you and all your collective friends to celebrate at Delmonico’s afterwards; champagne and hors d’oeuvres being passed around for hours. Later that night your alcohol-infused giggles and lust-filled moans as he made love to you were punctuated by him telling you how much he loved you and just how proud he was of your accomplishments and hard work.
So now here you sit, sweating under your thick doctoral regalia, waiting for your name to be called and diploma to be conferred. Looking up you catch Laszlo's eye. He sits with the other professors to the side of the stage. You grin and feel heat fill your cheeks because you know he's been watching you this whole time; the speaker droning still.
You don't dare pull out your phone and text your doctor. Even as your thumb runs along the smooth device in your pocket, you know he won't be able to check. And at any rate, your fellow graduates would probably jump at the chance to peek at your messages to give them anything more entertaining than this damned speech. Patience has become quite the skill for you.
Finally, you stand as the Dean begins to call out the names of the graduating class. In a line you shuffle up to the stage to shake hands with members of the university and program. As your name is called you distantly hear the shouts of your family and friends sitting in the crowd. You can't help but laugh at their obnoxiousness . Shaking multiple hands and posing for the standard photograph, you begin to make your way down the stage, diploma in hand.
You look over and catch the eye of John and Sara sitting towards the side; he tosses a wink and she offers a bright smile in congratulations. Eyes darting to the front you meet those of your love, your dearest doctor Kreizler. He's not the most overly emotive person with some things, especially when they don't involve a scowl, but currently he sports a proud grin as he nods once at you. The smile you boast is so wide it nearly hurts your cheeks.
The ceremony ends soon after. Clusters of graduates and their families litter the grounds and bottles of champagne are popped with glee. You make your way over to your family near the back.
“Oh my baby! I’m so proud of you!” your mother cries as she pulls you into her arms and holds you in a death-like grip.
“Mom…” you chuckle as you wipe smears of mascara from her cheeks. You make eye contact with your dad over her shoulder. He stands tall with his hands in his pockets, a smug grin on his face.
“Don’t you ‘mom’ me - I’m allowed to cry when you graduate college, okay?”
“This is the third time, I hardly think you need to keep doing it.” You remove your cap and your mother takes that and your diploma to hold for you.
She wiggles her finger at you in false annoyance. “Let me have my moment!”
Your father walks the few feet to stand next to you, giving you a firm clasp to your shoulder. “Nice work kid.” He was a man of few words, but you knew he was proud of you regardless.
Laszlo, John, and Sara made their way from their seats towards the edge of the crowd. The ceremony was no different than any other commencement that Laszlo had attended per say, with the single exception that for once he deeply cared about one of the graduates. He felt so overwhelmed with pride at your success in earning your doctorate that for a moment he felt the sting of unshed tears as he watched you cross the stage.
As he stood talking with John and Sara he could see you off with your parents in the near distance. They knew that you were in a committed relationship and all; they knew that Laszlo was older and was a doctor of sorts. You had been quite open with it. But you never told them that it was a professor and your boss that you had been seeing for nearly a year now. Laszlo hoped now that you had graduated and were no longer his TA, you could be more honest with them - and in turn with everyone. There was no reason to hide your relationship.
“What’s on your mind, Laszlo?” Sara cuts through his thoughts.
Laszlo turned back to face his friends. He raised a brow in question.
“You’ve got this far-off look in your eyes.”
“Perhaps he’s thinking of a certain graduate,” John smirks, turning to look over at where you stand.
“You would be correct, John. It seems you’re not as clueless when it comes to matters of the mind.” John rolls his eyes at the jest. “I believe I will ask that she introduce me to her parents while they are in town. I feel it is about time I speak with them about certain things.” Laszlo adjusts his own regalia to sit more comfortably on his neck.
“Are you going to ask her father for permission to marry her? That seems a bit old fashioned, even for you.”
Laszlo’s head shoots up at Sara first, then over to John. Brow furrowed, he accuses “you told Sara?”
John’s hands pop up in defense; “only that you were planning to propose at some point.”
The good doctor harrumphs in annoyance. He had told John in confidence a few weeks prior that he was in the process of having a ring designed and made with the intent to propose. “I have no intention of asking her parents permission. She is her own person. I would however like to make my intentions known to them, and hope that I receive their blessing regardless.”
“Are you going to ask her while they are in town? Or have you thought about it?”
“My thoughts are to wait until this January or so. I would like to give her time to settle into her new job so as to not overwhelm her. There is no rush,” Laszlo explains.
"You're going to wait until winter? Why not ask now?"
"I've waited 42 years of my life for her, John. What is another six months?"
Sara gives a gentle cough, signalling the men to notice your approach. Both Sara and John give you hugs when you finally reach the group, each offering their sincerest congratulations. The four of you chat for a few minutes about the ceremony and your new job at one of the local museums. All the while you notice Laszlo has been relatively quiet - something unusual for him.
The others must sense something as well, because Sara suddenly cuts in with “well, John and I have some other graduates we must congratulate.” She wraps her arm around John’s and begins to pull away from you.
“We're still on for Friday, right?” you call after them.
“Of course!” And with that they leave you alone with your doctor.
You chew your lip as you turn back to face him, already watching you. There is a nervous beat between you. “Doctor.”
The corner of his lip twitches. “Doctor,” he tosses the title back.
You hold out your hand towards him to shake. His head tilts, giving away his confused amusement, as he carefully slots his right hand into yours. With a delicate shake you tell him “it’s been a pleasure working with you Doctor, I hope our paths cross again soon.” Neither of you last more than a few seconds before you are both chuckling at your joke.
“So what now?”
“Anything you would like. The world is your oyster, or so you Americans like to say.”
“You know, I never cared much for them. They’re gross and I just about gag every time you eat them,” you tack on the latter half softer so that others don’t overhear.
“They are not to everyone’s preference. The ancients believed them to be one of the many foods that were aphro-”
“-Aphrodisiacs, a food that can psychologically influence the body to become aroused. A fact you constantly remind me of.” His mouth closes into a tight line as he fights to hold back further laughter.
“I suppose by now you should know everything then.”
“I had a damn good teacher.”
Laszlo licks his lips. “There is one thing you should know.”
“Oh?”
His eyes break from yours for a second, plastering themselves to his shoes briefly. They scan the people nearby out of habit before they dart back to meet yours again. Eventually he finishes his survey of the crowd and schools his desires into a look of confidence. “I was thinking that perhaps it is time that I meet your family.” he phrases it almost like a question.
“Meet my family,” you mimic.
“Yes. It has been several months, and given the circumstances have changed and become less… hostile… I feel it is within the proper progression of the relationship to become acquainted with each other’s families. Now, I have none, and you already know John and Sara, so in truth it is quite one-side. Nevertheless it would be logical to do so given they are in town for graduation and I wish to make my intentions known so-”
You cut off his rambling. “Laszlo.” He waits for you to continue, but says nothing. You know that when he’s got his mind made up he can be stubborn as a bull, and you know that what you have is serious. But introducing him to your parents is still a huge step for either of you. And then of course the little detail about just who your boyfriend actually is. Taking a small step closer you ask “you want to discuss your intentions with my parents?"
"Yes."
You study his face. "Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
He smiles. “With you I am sure of everything, Bärchen.”
You don’t hesitate when you pull his cap off and tug him down by his robes for a passionate kiss. Equally so, his fingers waste no time in finding their place cupped along your jaw. A few hoots and hollers can be heard around you, and even a distant “I knew it!” being shouted. In the back of your mind you think that you should probably not be doing this in front of hundreds of people, including the various administrators and board members of the university, if anything for decency’s sake.
But at this point neither you nor Laszlo could care less.
Tag list
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#psychopathia sexualis#the interpretation of dreams#laszlo kreizler x reader#laszlo x reader#laszlo my love#laszlo kreizler#laszlo kreizler the alienist#laszlo kreizler daniel bruhl#daniel brühl#daniel bruhl#daniel bruhl laszlo kreizler#daniel brühl laszlo kreizler#daniel bruhl x reader#daniel brühl x reader#the alienist fanfic#the alienist#scuttle-buttle
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Felix sweet boy baby angel but Christopher Bang is literally Satan? Idk if you saw but Hyunjin ratted him out on live and said the lyrics for Red Light were toned down. I don’t want to know. I don’t. He was already talking about edging and I don’t want to know. He can keep his Scorpio Venus and his Sag Mars away from me and everyone I love. I would give anything to know his rising if sign. It’s giving Earth but there’s so much air in his chart it’s hard to be sure. 🤖
i am so happy you sent me this ask because i have been looking for an excuse to talk about red lights. I sent leon and margot a seven minute long voice message when i was doing my research for my red lights-inspired fic like that's where i'm at.
First, yes, I saw Hyunjin's comments! that's what chris gets for trying to say hyunjin wrote all the lyrics in the first place. nice try, chris. also, his scorpio venus is SEXY. i won't be taking criticism on this opinion.
Now. Please see under the cut if you want to watch me dissect Red Lights -- both the lyrics and the MV.
so, credit where credit's due--I skimmed this and this reddit posts while I was doing my research.
now. we all know that on the surface, this song is about sex (and specifically bondage and edging—that much is clear). but, ah, how's the saying go? "everything is about sex except for sex, which is about power"? sure.
yeah, it's meant to be sexy. they did that for us and im still not sure if I want to kill them for it or thank them with my life. BUT, as they mentioned in the howl in harmony video, it's primarily a song about obsession.
The first reddit post does a great (albeit kind of aggressive) breakdown of the lyrics, where it becomes really clear that they're talking about the relationship they have with their work and the relationship they have with fans. In essence, the song is about how they want to give their lives and all their time to making more content for fans so that they will continue to receive love from us. The red lights are actually the recording light on a camera (hence the line “set the mic up”).
And so a relationship like the one depicted here is dark and intense, and yes—passionate and driven by love—but ultimately, it consumes itself in the vortex of its own desire, and then peters out into a sort of blank monotony—learned through repetition, a habitual reflex instead of a true reaction.
Then, the second reddit post goes on a deep dive of some of the symbolism seen in the MV—specifically, the use of kink. This is where it gets really fun.
We mostly see Hyunjin in shibari-style bondage. OP posits (and I agree) that he is meant to represent passion without discipline. The shibari ropes are tied messily (and so therefore dangerously) which is perfect for representing how often kink (and other obsessions) can devolve—you plunge in headfirst, but you are directionless except for the insistent tug in your gut that cries for more, more.
Chan, on the other hand, is seen primarily (esp in solo scenes) bound by heavy chains. He represents discipline with no passion. In the Howl in Harmony video, I believe he mentions that after a long day of practice, he'll still find himself in the recording studio, even though he's tired. He does what he has to on autopilot, because he knows he must, because it’s the only thing he feels he can do.
If Hyunjin is mania, then Chan is depression. The chains are GREAT symbolism because this dutiful march towards burnout and beyond is, as the lyrics suggest, stemming from a desire to keep receiving love (from fans)—that if you just work hard enough then no one will ever leave you. You wish to bind the person (or people) you love to you, but in the end the bonds only weigh you down.
So then the part where they’re tied together, back to back, at the end, shows when passion and discipline come into balance. And that’s creation for the love of creation while still maintaining a respect for yourself, the art, and your audience. (or idk. maybe they just thought we'd like to see them tied to one another. and they were right).
It's also fun because while we see Hyunjin and Chan both assume positions of domination and submission, it's clear Chan is meant to be the “dominant force” here (hence discipline). The reason we do see instances of Hyunjin in power (choking Chan, standing over him on the table) is because any somewhat healthy d/s relationship involves first the surrender of power. The dom is only perceived to be in power because the sub first relinquishes it them. So. You know.
I will say I'm not sure what to say about the edging theme (BNKSJDF) besides the obvious—almost giving you what you want, but not quite.
And finally, this is not part of either of those two reddit posts, but I was ENTHRALLED by the use of mirror and mirror-esque imagery throughout the MV and in the choreo. I love mirrors as a symbol so we're going to talk about that, too.
First and most obviously, it may be a bit on the nose. In art, mirrors and reflections are often used to show that there is a deeper meaning than what is clear on the surface. So this might have just been hyunchan going "hey! it's not just about sex!"
but I think there's more to it than that. Mirrors are often used as a vessel of truth—in some Chinese myths, for example, mirrors can repel demons, as they will show a demon’s true form. Or see the Little Mermaid—though Ursula managed to change her outward appearance, she was caught in her lie when another character (sebastian, i think?) saw her reflection in the mirror.
Additionally, one’s reflection used to be thought to contain one’s soul—which is why mirrors were covered in the home of person who had just passed, so they would not be trapped as a ghost in the world of the living.
For this reason, mirrors are often also considered dangerous. Think of Narcissus, for a start, who fell in love with his own reflection and sat at the water's edge, pining, until he fucking died. Or consider the following quote (which I love) from Fernando Pessoa:
“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes.
Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself.
The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”
We use mirrors to watch ourselves watching ourselves (and the Margaret Atwood who lives in our heads cries “male fantasies, male fantasies! You are you own voyeur!”). We perform for the mirror—often what we see in the mirror is not actually how we are seen by others! We think we may find truth there, when in reality it is a distortion. Ties itself up really nicely, I think.
In any case, this really goes well with the theme of obsession in the song—staring in the mirror asking, what do others see? What is wrong about me? What can I do better? The idea of looking in the mirror to seek what others see, both positive and negative, is common throughout. And I think their use of mirrored choreo (esp when it seems like one of them is the reflection!!), as well as mirror placement on the set of the mv, and ESPECIALLY the lovely bit at the end where they both stand staring carefully at their own reflections, all work to drive that theme home.
and i don't even know how to touch on all the color symbolism (when it changes between color and b&w?? the palette being overwhelmingly yellow and red and black???), or the lens filters (warping, blurring, etc), or the way they superimposed pieces of the video on top of other pieces, or the use of that one stark white background—without writing a fucking dissertation (and this is already a ridiculously long post) so i'll just stop here.
This is all to say, maybe what they meant was that the lyrics were a lot more aggressive about these themes and they were asked to tone them down to keep it neutral.
or maybe they're just sexy, sexy motherfuckers and their managers bonked them on the head and sent them to horny jail.
#obviously that mirror quote is a little stupid but at the same time i do think it's so real. like so real.#anyway this is very long but I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS.#this is what i was doing a few afternoons ago.... just compiling this.#just... meta hours with xiami#stray kids#bang chan#hyunjin#red lights#mail#🤖 anon
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How to Say Goodbye to a Toxic Environment
So, it has been three months since I was able to work on my thesis. Granted, during the last semester, I was caught up with my public policy class project that it practically made me begged for death itself. But, ever since the end of the fall semester, I still haven’t been able to finish my thesis.
And the pressure that I have on myself because of my procrastination is something that keeps compounding and made me stressed out even more. I actually like my thesis, unlike my undergrad final project; I’m writing about women participation in professional scientific field. My thesis supervisor is really nice to me, she understands the way I think. She knows which theories I should explore to understand the problem which I’m exploring rn — she actually introduced me to Bordeaux’s implementation in gender research. She also really cared so much about me that before I became AWOL for my thesis on November, she routinely checked up on me. These features are new to me as my undergrad final project supervisor never did those things to me.
So, you see, letting down such a good supervisor and a thesis which I have a great interest in are such a bad mark on me — a mark which I gave myself.
In the last session with my psychologist, I asked her, what’s really happening? Is it simply that I have anxiety? That as a child of domestic abuse, it’s just natural for me to fear a new chapter of life, and for me it’s my PhD study, as they are not planned and totally chaotic. Well, I don’t think that answers the fear and anxiety completely. I know where I want to take my PhD in. I’d like to take it at SOAS, London. I know which lecturers I need to get close with, professionally, so that they want to sponsor my dissertation. I know which non-Indonesian government scholarship that I can apply to, so that I can stay in London after I have my PhD. And if SOAS is not for me, I know where I can apply to, Université Paris 8. They have a great gender studies PhD programme. Granted, that I need to have my C2 DALF diploma and it’s so hard to get close to any professors of the university, but I still have a chance to get my PhD there. I know - I have planned it. And if my study or scholarship application gets rejected to all of the universities that I aim at, I can still just apply to be a consultant for an International NGO in Singapore or here while I’m preparing for my 2023 application.
So, if it’s not the anxiety? What is it then? Is it the low self worth that I have? Is it that I doubt my own ability that I may never get accepted for a PhD in any universities in the west which can provide a much freer environment for an academic field as diverse as development studies?
After a while, I postulated to my psychologist that it’s not that I feel accepted in this environment — with my lecturers and my fellow classmates, they always see me as this “leftist alien” — but it’s that I don’t know how to say goodbye to people who are toxic. When my grandma died, I couldn’t really process it well — I actually made a post about her here. All I could think was that she was a homophobe, racist, anti-semite. Why would I mourn over her? How could I ever say goodbye to such a heinous person? But I cried, when her corpse was buried, I cried.
So, that’s when my psychologist realised. This environment is very familiar to me. The academic environment of my master’s degree is as similar as my family’s. My parents never accept me unless I have good grades, they are homophobic, racist, anti-semite — just like my parents. As I’m finishing my master’s — with my thesis — how do I exactly say goodbye to my parents, to my academic environment?
I haven’t been processing the breakthrough well. I still haven’t been able to continue my thesis. And now I’m even more angst by my insecurity of not being able to get accepted at the universities which I like for my PhD.
I do hope that by this afternoon, I can continue writing it.
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city of love
hello friends! happy wednesday! this is a request fill for NoaAvrahami6 on Wattpad, who requested the art freaks going on a long vacation/ road trip, and there's a scene to fill a request from aster-alpine on Wattpad (@deadbreadrunning here) who requested them swimming with dolphins :)
also, quick note, I have done absolutely nothing they do in this story, so I apologize for any inaccuracies. I have definitely learned the lesson that is 'write what you know'. I did as much research as my brain could handle and now I know more than I ever wanted to about the Venus de milo.
quick tw for panic attacks, but otherwise, enjoy.
-
Janis is scheming.
Cady is a week away from completing her PhD in mathematics. All she has left to do is defend her dissertation and publish her work, and then she’ll find out if the last four years of work have been worth it. She deserves presents.
Janis has two ideas. The first, is a dog. They have a cat, which Cady had agreed to adopting as a get-well present when Janis had broken her arm several years ago. Elvira is well-loved and very spoiled, but Cady has been begging for a dog. No time like the present. Janis found a reliable rescue breeder who recently had a litter of golden retriever puppies, and would be taking Cady to pick one soon.
Her second idea is a trip. Cady loves to travel, but has been so busy for the last several years that they haven’t gotten an opportunity to go any further than their trips back home to Illinois since their honeymoon in Kenya. Janis has family on her father’s side in France, that she also hasn’t been able to see in several years.
So, she’s booking a flight, also deciding to let Damian come as a surprise. He had recently landed the lead role in a revival of Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway, so he deserves a present too. He doesn’t start rehearsals for another few months, which gives Janis the perfect window of opportunity.
She finds a flight with a few seats available for the evening Cady will (hopefully) receive her degree; a miraculously non-stop flight to Marseille, where her family lives. Janis figures they’ll stop there for a few days, and then travel to Paris to see some of the more iconic sights.
Janis books the tickets, figuring it’ll either be a happy surprise or a consolation trip, and knowing it’s very likely to be the former. She clears her browser history after, in case Cady gets an urge to snoop. Then, she figures she should probably let Damian know to prepare for an international trip in a week.
danis: hey u wanna go to france??
jamian: What did you do
danis: booked us a trip to france
jamian: Janis
jamian: Why
danis: bc my wife becomes a doctor in a week and deserves a gift, and i want you to come. and also bc you got seymour and deserve a gift too
jamian: Oh
jamian: That’s actually really sweet, Jan
danis: it’s my yearly act of goodwill
jamian: I figured lmao
jamian: When are we leaving?
danis: flights on friday at 7, i’ll pick u up. i wanna surprise caddy at her school and then we’ll go right to the airport
jamian: Aww how cute
jamian: Do you need Aaron to watch Ellie?
danis: oh shit yeah i forgot about that
danis: tell him i’ll bring him back whatever he wants as a thank you and a sorry i can’t bring you with us
jamian: U really forgot your whole cat
danis: no!!! i just forgot we can’t bring her!!! i’m a good cat mom!!!!!
jamian: You give her potato chips
jamian: Like on the reg
danis: because she likes them
danis: and i don’t give her enough to hurt her
jamian: Press x to doubt
jamian: Aaron said he’ll cat sit for some chocolates from France and lots of photos
danis: tits i can do that
danis: oh shit caddy’s home i gtg love u
jamian: Love you too tell her I say hi
danis: 📷
“Hey, Peanut, how was your day?” Janis asks gently. Cady lets her exhausted glare answer. “That good, huh? Do you want snuggles?” Cady nods, but signs that she wants to take a shower first. Her day must have been rough if she won’t speak. “Of course, baby, go ahead. I’ll wait for you in the bedroom.”
Cady signs a thank you in return, pecking her gently in greeting and scratching Elvira before heading into the bathroom. Janis decides to go the extra mile today and lights a nice candle in the bedroom, and pulls out a book to read to her. Cady loves the sound of Janis’ voice, so whenever her day has been especially tough they have story time, squeezing in as much of Janis’ voice and good snuggles as they can.
Cady doesn’t return until nearly 45 minutes later, in a set of Janis’ pajamas and with her hair neatly braided over her shoulder. Janis reaches for her, pulling her into a tight cuddle and squeezing gently in case she’s also having a sensory overload.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” She murmurs softly, scratching Cady’s scalp gently in the way that always makes her practically melt in Janis’ lap.
Cady sighs, burying her face in Janis’ chest further. “Just... a lot, today. I have a lot to do, and a lot is riding on this week. I’m gonna be stressed until Friday. And maybe after that, if I don’t make it.”
“You’re gonna make it, baby. You’re a genius, you did two degrees in the time most people do one. And you’ve been working so hard and carefully, I know you’re going to do it. And if you don’t, everybody at that school is catching these hands,” Janis replies.
Cady chuckles at that, finally poking her face out. She grunts slightly as Elvira suddenly jumps onto her back, joining their cuddle puddle happily. “Thanks, Bluejay. You’re... you’ve been the best partner I could’ve asked for, through all of this. I wouldn’t have even made it this far without you.”
“Yes, you would have,” Janis says. “But I’m glad I could be here for you. I love you.”
Cady inches her way up to Janis’ face so as not to disturb the cat snoozing on her back, but makes it and leans in for a kiss. “I love you too. Are you gonna read to me?”
“Yeah, if you want,” Janis replies. “Figured it might cheer you up a bit.”
Cady nods happily, cuddling into her and resting her head on her shoulder. She’s sound asleep before Janis even reaches the third chapter, so Janis sets an alarm and joins her in an impromptu nap.
————-
Cady barely speaks for the next few days, frantically studying, rehearsing, and proofreading everything. Janis is worried, but knows there’s not a lot she can do. She stays out of her way and brings her caffeinated teas and snacks from time to time.
The day before D-Day, Janis makes waffles for dinner, Cady’s favorite. Cady is still at the desk in their bedroom, where she’s been for nearly six days straight.
“Hey,” Janis says gently as she comes to drop off her plate. She usually eats her own dinner on the bed, spending time with Cady as she studies. But this time, Cady snatches her wrist once she sets the plate down and won’t let her leave. “You okay?”
Cady hasn’t looked at her yet, but doesn’t let go of her arm. She just stares at her massive book, clutching Janis’ wrist like a lifeline, like it’s the only thing holding her to Earth. Suddenly, she lets out a choked sob.
“Baby, hey,” Janis says softly. “What’s the matter?”
“I can’t do this, Janis,” Cady cries desperately. “I-I dont-I can’t-“
“Hey, shh,” Janis hushes. “Come here, get away from this for now.” She picks Cady up from her chair and carries her to the bed, letting Cady lock tight around her and sob into her shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t do it,” Cady wails. “It’s not good enough, and I’m- and I’m out of time, I can’t- I can’t do it!” She suddenly starts crying much harder, and is practically gasping for breath in between sobs.
“Baby, hey, look at me,” Janis insists, cupping her cheeks to look into her eyes. They’re wide and frantic, she looks terrified. She’s having an anxiety attack. Janis quickly tries to remember what she does for her own. The countdown strategy pops into her head, and she decides it’s worth a try. “Focus on me, okay? Tell me five things you can see.”
Cady chokes another sob and clings to her desperately, but manages to splutter out a reply. “Um-um... you-your face, and um-and... um... cat, and... the-and your p-painting, and the cl-the clock, and your tattoos.”
“Good, Butterfly,” Janis says gently. She holds Cady’s face again gently when she tries to look back to the desk. “No, hey, don’t look over there. Tell me four things you can hear.”
“There’s a-there’s a siren, outside,” Cady sobs. “And... and a bird, and... um... you talk-talking, and the-the cat. Chat-chattering.”
“You’re doing good, angel, breathe,” Janis says. “Three things you can feel.”
“Hold-holding me, you-you holding m-me,” Cady chokes. “And the-the bed. ‘S soft. And-and your hair. Tickles.”
“Another breath, baby. Two things you can smell,” Janis coaxes gently.
“Dinner,” Cady whimpers. “And you-your shampoo. Apples.”
“Almost done, baby, what’s something you can taste?” Janis asks, holding her tighter.
“Tea. From earlier,” Cady sniffles.
“Good job, Butterfly. Are you feeling any better?” Janis asks quietly, laying them down and squishing Cady on top of her. Cady nods slightly against her shoulder.
“A little,” she says quietly. She’s still crying, but sounds much less frantic. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, angel, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Janis says as she kisses her forehead. “Can you tell me what’s happening now?”
Cady takes a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. “I’m scared. I’ve had years to get this right, get it perfect. It’s not. I don’t... I’m scared to defend it, what if I mess up, or... stutter or stim too much and I don’t pass?”
“If you don’t pass for stuttering or stimming during your speech then everyone grading you is fucking ableist and I will fight all of them,” Janis growls protectively. “But we can figure something out later if it worries you. And I’m positive your dissertation and thesis are wonderful. You’ve been working so hard, non-stop, for years. It may not be perfect, but if you’ve been doing anything but your best work all these years I’ll be stunned. You’re going to pass, and you’ll be Doctor Heron, and then I have a surprise for you to celebrate.”
“A surprise?” Cady asks quietly with a sniffle. “What did you get?”
“It’s a surprise, Peanut,” Janis chuckles. “You’ll find out tomorrow. But I think you’ll like it.”
“Okay,” Cady says so sadly that Janis wants to spoil everything now. But she manages to resist, knowing her reaction tomorrow will be better. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, baby. Eat with me, you need a break,” Janis says as she grabs Cady’s plate from the desk. “Bed picnic.”
Cady reaches for her just barely warm waffles. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Janis says as she leans over for a kiss.
“Can I try to guess what you got?” Cady asks with a bit more energy.
“Sure,” Janis chuckles. “But even if you guess it I’m not gonna tell you.”
Cady groans. “I wanna knoooooow.”
“And you will know tomorrow,” Janis giggles. “Guess away, Butterfly.”
“A puppy?” Cady asks.
Yes, Janis thinks. “No.” She says.
Cady pouts. “Um... did you paint me something?”
“Nope,” Janis chuckles as she takes another bite of her waffles.
“Hm... a... can you give me a hint?” Cady pleads. Janis tries her hardest to resist the puppy eyes.
“Fine, one hint,” Janis groans. The puppy eyes still haven’t lost their magic. “Think bigger.”
“Bigger... um... two puppies?”
“No,” Janis laughs. “Just eat. You’ll find out in less than a day, you can live with not knowing for that long.”
“Fine,” Cady grumbles. She finishes her waffles quietly and cuddles back into Janis. “Can you stay? I need to proofread it again but I don’t want to be alone.”
“Sure, Kitkat. Let me wash the dishes and I’ll be right back,” Janis replies. She rushes through scrubbing their plates and everything clean, then grabs her easel and joins Cady in the bedroom. She paints away while Cady reads, both of them working in comfortable silence. Janis has always loved these moments, where the silence doesn’t need to be filled, and they’re both content to just be with each other.
Cady finishes several hours later, closing her book with a deep sigh. “Jay?”
“Mm?” Janis hums in reply.
“You said we could figure something out. To stop me stimming,” Cady says as she turns to face her.
“I never said I’d stop you stimming,” Janis says, stepping around her easel. “I just meant that we’d find a way to make it less obvious, if you’re so worried about it.”
“Oh.”
Janis reaches for her. “Why are you so worried about it?”
Cady comes to nuzzle into her embrace quietly. “I dunno. It’s... it can be embarrassing, sometimes. I’ve done all this stuff, I’m hopefully about to get my PhD, but I still have to... curl my toes a certain way or flick my hands or fold myself up like a pretzel to get my brain to work like everyone else’s. And people stare, you can tell they think I’m childish.”
Janis hums sadly. “I get it, but it shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you any less professional, or brilliant, it just helps you regulate, right?” Cady nods against her chest. “Yeah. You have all this knowledge in your brain now, it makes sense it needs a little wiggle to help kick it in gear and sort it all out.”
Cady chuckles. “Thanks, Jayjay.”
“And it feels good, remember when I tried all your favorites?” Janis says. “Satisfying.”
“Oh, yeah, it feels so good,” Cady laughs. “But what plan do you have?”
“Pick what you’re gonna wear tomorrow and make sure it has pockets,” Janis replies. “Big ones.”
“Where are you going?” Cady calls as she roots through her closet.
“Nowhere, hang on!” Janis calls back from the living room. She comes back with a necklace, a small cube, and a few other small stim toys she had ordered. Cady looks at them curiously as she pulls out a formal blue jumpsuit and blazer from the closet.
“What are those?” She asks as she rests it on their bed.
“Stim stuff. I made this one,” Janis says as she holds up the cube. “Julie sent me some of her old Legos, and then there’s a spring inside so it’s a little button. And it doesn’t make any noise or anything.”
Cady takes it curiously, pushing the button in the center a few times. “You made this? For me?”
“Yeah, of course. I made this too,” Janis says as she hands over the necklace. “I ordered the charm, it’s a chewy one, and then put the beads on so it’s not, like, obvious it’s a chewy necklace. I figured you could have it on if you wanted, it might help.”
Cady takes the necklace too, gnawing on the charm gently to test it out. Janis thought ahead, the chain is one she can handle. “Thank you, mpenzi.”
“And then I bought these. You can have them in your pocket and use them there, nobody would know if you didn’t want them to. They’d just think you were holding your hands in your pockets,” Janis says rapidly. “Oh, and you can borrow some of my shoes so you have room to move your feet inside, that won’t be noticeable either.”
Cady throws herself at Janis, knocking her backwards onto the bed and kissing her hard. “I love you so much. You’re perfect. Thank you.”
Janis kisses her back just as hard, tangling her hand in her hair and resting the other just above her bum. “You’re welcome, Butterfly. I love you too.”
Cady kisses her again gently, brushing their lips together a few times. “I’m sorry, by the way. I know I’ve been ignoring you this week, you don’t deserve that.”
“Babe, you’ve barely slept this week, and you only eat when I bring you food, I’m more worried about that,” Janis chuckles. “I get the rest of my life with you, wifey. I can handle a week for you to work every now and again. After tomorrow we get to spend more time together again anyway.”
Cady smiles at her. “We’ll do something special. I’m gonna shower, but I wanna cuddle you all night tonight. You’re right, I need more sleep anyway.”
“Okay, Kitkat. Have fun,” Janis says as she pushes her wife towards the en-suite. “I’ll be here.”
-
Janis remembers she forgot to feed Elvira her own dinner when she comes to plop onto her lap.
“Sorry, Ellie, I forgot to feed you,” Janis chuckles as she scratches her ear. “Let’s go.”
Elvira trots off to the kitchen, Janis following quickly behind her. Ellie meows at her when they finally reach the fridge, stretching up to peek in as Janis opens it.
“Hold on, you get a new can tonight,” Janis says in response to Elvira’s questioning chirp. She heads to the closet to grab one, noticing the air mattress on the top shelf they had bought for a camping trip. “Hm.”
Janis scoops out some of her food into her bowl and puts the can in the fridge, then grabs the air mattress from the shelf along with the pump for it.
“God, why is this thing so loud? Some of us have mattresses to blow up in secret,” Janis hisses. Once it’s done, she realizes she probably should have done it outside as she tries to shove it through the door. She grabs some sheets from the closet and the blankets from their bed, making a lovely little nest on their balcony.
Cady comes out of the shower as she’s fluffing the pillows, calling for her as she brushes her hair out.
“Jay? Are you okay? I heard noises,” she says as she comes out wrapped in her bathrobe. “What happened to our bed?”
“I’m fine, put on something warm and come here,” Janis calls from the other room.
“Okay,” Cady says nervously. “What are you up to?”
“God, you set a bunch of chickens loose in a school one time and suddenly you can’t surprise anyone anymore,” Janis jokes. “Just come here, you’re gonna like it.”
“I like your surprises, but you can be a little extra sometimes,” Cady teases. “Oh my god.”
“You like it?” Janis says. “We haven’t been able to do this for a whi-ack!” She grunts slightly as Cady leaps into her embrace, smooching all over her face.
“I love it, and I love you,” Cady says. “So much.”
“I love you more,” Janis teases as she carries her outside.
“No, I love you more,” Cady responds as she’s laid down gently. “I love you most.”
“Mm, you can’t win this fight, Peanut,” Janis hums, getting cut off as Cady pulls her down to kiss her hungrily.
“Then let me show you.”
————-
The next morning, Janis wakes up with Cady (very early) and makes a special breakfast with lots of fruit and protein. Cady eats happily but silently, once again giving a last proofread of all her materials.
Janis gives her a big hug and sweet kiss before she sends her out the door, Cady dressed in her fancy outfit, Janis’ shoes, and with her pockets full of stim toys.
Janis has to pack quickly once she’s gone, carefully but hastily packing their suitcase and carry on bags based on a list she’s incredibly thankful she had the foresight to make.
-
In the late afternoon, Janis picks Damian up in their Uber to Cady’s school to surprise her. He puts his suitcase in the trunk along with what looks to be a poster.
He shakes with excitement as he climbs in next to her, and they both chat excitedly about their plans for France. Before they know it, they’re at Cady’s university and ready to surprise her.
“Aww, you made her a sign?” Janis asks as she finally hugs him.
“Yeah, duh,” Damian says, showing off his ‘Congrats Doctor Heron!’ poster. “And it’s reversible in case of disaster.” He flips it around and shows it says ‘Good job anyway!’ on the other side.
“She’ll love it,” Janis says as she starts bouncing anxiously. “She’ll be happy to see you, too, she doesn’t even know we’re here.”
“Aww. I’m excited to see her reaction, do you remember when you threw that picnic before we graduated high school? That was nothing compared to this and she was so fucking excited,” Damian says.
“Yeah. She’s so cute,” Janis says. Her phone starts ringing suddenly. “Oh, it’s her, this is it.”
Damian squeals as she picks up and switches to speakerphone.
“Jay, I did it!” Cady calls loudly through the speakers. “I did it! I got it, I’m a doctor!”
Janis and Damian both start jumping up at down at the same time. “Congratulations, baby! I’m so proud of you!” Janis says. Damian stays quiet but is visibly trying to hold back his own comments. They see her come bursting out the doors then, running down the steps. “Hey, look to your right. No, other right.”
Cady looks to see her wife and best friend waiting for her and bouncing to get her attention. She runs towards them, laughing happily. “What are you doing here?! Oh my god, you made a sign and everything!”
“This is your surprise!” Janis laughs as her wife jumps into her arms. She spins her around a few times before Cady reaches out for Damian, so he pulls her into another tight hug to congratulate her.
“My best friend is a doctor!” Damian calls loudly as he also spins her around before wrapping her up protectively.
“Why do you guys have suitcases?” Cady asks confusedly, slightly muffled as her face is squished against Damian.
“Because we’re going on a trip!” Janis answers. “I told you to think bigger yesterday, this is it! Our flight is in a few hours, we have to go to the airport.”
“A trip?” Cady squeals happily. “Where are we going?!”
“France,” Janis tries to answer, barely getting the word out before she’s cut off by the most adorable squeal she’s ever heard and her wife leaping into her arms again. “Are you excited?”
“Yes! Of course I’m excited, oh my god!” Cady shrieks. “This is the best day ever!”
“Good! I packed a comfy outfit in your carry on, you can change at the airport,” Janis laughs happily as Cady kisses her over and over.
“Okay, come on! Let’s go, let’s go let’s go! I wanna go to France!” Cady calls, lugging them both towards the parking lot.
Janis and Damian both laugh as they’re dragged away. “Peanut, slow down, we have time.”
“Oh. Oops,” Cady says sheepishly. “But come on, I’m excited, let’s go!”
“We can tell, Cads, just slow down,” Damian pants. “Be excited at a reasonable speed.”
Cady’s bouncing now that they’ve stopped walking, having to get her excitement out somehow. “Janis, carry me, I can’t slow down.”
“Okay, come here,” Janis laughs, carrying Cady piggyback to their next Uber.
————-
Cady heads into the bathroom once they’ve passed security to change out of her formal outfit, but she leaves the necklace on and has the stim toy Janis made for her in her hand. She’s trying to gently stuff her poster in her bag as she walks back. She insisted on keeping it, even though Damian said she didn’t have to. Miraculously, she manages to make it fit without too much damage.
She tugs her carry on backpack back on as she approaches Janis and Damian again. “Where are we going in France?” She asks once they’re back together. Damian also looks at Janis curiously, she hasn’t told him either.
“Marseille, first. My family said we can stay with them for a few days, they have a huge house with tons of rooms. Then we’ll go to Paris and look around there,” Janis says. Cady gives yet another excited squeal and hugs her again. “Do you want Cinnabon’s? They’re right over there.”
“Oh, can we? I haven’t eaten since breakfast, I’m starving,” Cady says. She’s still bouncing and her hands are flapping happily, but she’s calmed down just a touch.
“How-wha-how do you have that much energy on just breakfast?” Damian asks with something akin to awe.
“I’m excited!” Cady almost yells, prompting several glares from those around them. She shrinks into herself slightly in embarrassment. “Oops.”
Damian chuckles. “Let’s go, my treat.” Cady perks up a bit and tugs her wife after them. She happily scarfs down her cinnamon roll and chatters excitedly about France.
They head to their gate to wait for their flight for a while, when Cady suddenly realizes something and scrambles for her phone. “I forgot to tell my parents! What time is it?”
“Almost exactly six,” Janis says. “So five for them.”
“Okay, they should both be home by now,” Cady says with relief. She dials her dad’s number, and he picks up on the first ring. “Hi Dad! Is Mom with you?”
“Hi Cady, she’s in the other room. What’s up?” Her dad replies.
“Get Mom, I wanna tell you together,” Cady insists.
“Okay,” her dad says, slightly confused. “Honey, it’s Cady, she says she has something to tell us.”
“Hello Cady,” her mom calls loudly through the speaker. “How are you, dear?”
“I’m good Mom! How are you?” Cady chuckles. For tech savvy people, they never quite got the hang of speakerphone.
“Good, hon. What’s this news you have?” Her mom replies.
“I got my PhD today! I’m officially a doctor!” Cady says, and quickly has to block the phone speaker with her arm to muffle the volume of their cheers and congratulations. Once it stops vibrating quite so much, she pulls it back to continue talking. “Thanks! Oh, and I won’t be able to call you for a little while. Janis surprised me with a trip to France, we’re going to see her family. And Paris.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely,” her mom sighs. “Take lots of photos for us.”
“I will. I love you guys, bye!” Cady calls, and hangs up before either of them can get off on a tangent and keep her there for an hour. “There.”
“Everything handled?” Damian jokes.
“Yep. Oh, that reminds me, Janis, can you... give me a rundown of your family again? I haven’t quite gotten everyone down,” Cady says shyly. To be fair, Janis has a lot of relatives and their names sound quite similar in a lot of cases.
“Yeah,” Janis chuckles. She knows Damian probably needs a refresher too, the last time he got to come visit everyone was in high school. “My homophobic great-grandma finally died when I was in college so we don’t have to worry about her anymore.”
“Jay! Be nice,” Cady scolds. She’d heard bad stories about the woman, but speaking ill of the dead still doesn’t sit right with her.
“I’m just saying. Anyway, Nana Annette is her daughter, my grandma. She’s, like, eighty-five, but she’s chill. She might say some offensive stuff because she’s either senile or just old, but she means well most of the time. Her husband died when I was a baby, I barely remember him, so hopefully he won’t be around. Then there’s the aunts and uncles.”
Cady pulls out her phone to take notes, this is where things get dicey.
“Jean-Luc is the oldest, he’s the funny one. His wife is Béatrice, she’s... tense, but nice. The next one is Charlotte, she’s the single one who I’m convinced is a closet lesbian, you remember? She’s hella rich and just shows up sometimes with presents. Anyway. Next is Gabrielle, and her husband Charles, he’s the English guy. My dad was next, then Phillipe is the youngest, and his wife is Jeanne.”
Cady blinks, already terrified. “And your cousins?”
“They’ll understand if you don’t remember them all, don’t worry,” Janis chuckles. “Jean-Luc and Béatrice have Josephine and Jacques, they’re twins. Then they had Annalise, and then Luca, they named him after my dad. Gabrielle and Charles have Bella, Celeste, and Clara, Celeste is a bitch but the other two are nice. Jeanne and Phillipe have Emile and Sylvie.”
“Jesus Christ,” Cady groans, trying to keep everyone under wraps.
“Some of my cousins have babies too now, do you want their names?” Janis teases. “Don’t worry about it, guys. They’ll understand and I’ll make sure you learn everyone’s names. And we probably won’t see all of them, either.”
“Oh, babies? Yay,” Cady says. “I might as well learn them too.”
“Yeah, there’s a few that are still actual babies. Josephine and her husband just had Hugo a few months ago, and then she has Anabelle and Charlise, they’re like... four,” Janis says. “And then Bella has Benjamin, he’s a year old or so.”
“Aww. Okay. I’ll have to study on the plane,” Cady says, sending her list to Damian and shutting her phone off.
“Little Slice, no, I’ll study for us and fill you in,” Damian says. “You’ve studied too much in your life. Doctor.”
Cady smiles at the reminder of her new title. “Fine. Oh, is that us?”
Janis listens to the voice ringing out over the PA system. “Yeah. They’re not boarding us quite yet, but we should be ready.”
“Oh, yay!” Cady says happily.
—————
Once they finally board, Cady begs to have the window seat. Janis and Damian are both afraid of heights and let her have it willingly.
Cady wiggles happily as the light comes on to fasten their belts, looking happily out the window as they prepare to take off. Janis pops some gum in her mouth, and offers a piece to both her travel buddies. Cady takes hers and then takes Janis’ hand, squeezing it to comfort her. Janis squeezes back thankfully.
Cady offers her one ear of the headphones she has so they can watch a movie together. Janis takes it and rests her head on Cady’s shoulder, flipping up the arm rest and cuddling into her wife. Damian flips up his own and lies down over both of them, his head ending up in Cady’s lap as he does his own thing on his phone. Cady just laughs and plays with his curly hair.
After three movies, Cady falls asleep with her head on Janis’ shoulder. They’re about four and a half hours into their seven hour flight, and it is now around Cady’s bedtime. Janis finds Damian also asleep on their legs, and decides to let him stay even though hers are going a bit numb.
She turns her head slightly to kiss Cady’s hair, thinking about the events of the day. Twenty-four hours ago she had fallen asleep on an air mattress on their balcony after a wild night, held securely in the arms of her favorite redhead. Now, she’s several thousand feet in the air, cuddled up with two of her favorite people on their way to another country. Life is a hell of a thing.
—————
Janis is startled awake by the announcement that they’re about to land, and wakes Damian and Cady so they can fasten their seatbelts again. It’s about two in the morning according to their body clocks, so they all blink groggily and rub at their eyes.
“Janis?” Cady asks suddenly as they start to descend.
“Hmm?” Janis hums exhaustedly.
“Who’s watching Elvira?”
“Aaron,” Janis yawns. “He just wants chocolate as payment.”
“Mmkay,” Cady hums. The plane finally touches down and she gives an exhausted “Yay.”
Janis chuckles. “Come on, my cousin is picking us up and then we can sleep in a real bed for a while.”
“Which one?” Damian yawns.
“Annalise,” Janis replies. “She’s a morning person, she’s the only one they trusted to come get us.”
They trudge through baggage claim and out of the airport, down a long line of cars waiting to pick people up. Suddenly, a clear “Janis!” rings out with a brisk French accent.
Janis greets her cousin, who laughs at their exhausted faces. “Bonjour, Anna.”
They have a quick catch up in French as they load all their bags into the car, and Damian’s eyes suddenly go wide.
“What happened?” Cady asks in concern.
“Nothing,” Damian says hastily. “I... forgot they’d actually speak, like, French here. I thought I was just too tired to understand them for a second.”
They both laugh as they climb in, Cady squished in the middle since she’s the smallest. She’s not complaining, this way her head will land on someone’s shoulder when she inevitably falls asleep again.
—————
She wakes up several hours later in a soft bed in a room she doesn’t recognize, spooning Janis. She checks the adjusted time on her phone and finds it to be about one in the afternoon, which isn’t terrible. They have a few hours left in the day to get things settled.
She leans down to kiss behind Janis’ ear as lightly as she can, murmuring a quiet “J’taime tellement,” into her ear before cuddling back into her wife. Apparently she wasn’t quite gentle enough, because Janis stirs and turns to face her with a grin.
“J’taime aussi, mon papillon,” Janis hums as she leans in for a kiss. “How did you sleep?”
“Pretty well, I don’t even remember getting here,” Cady replies.
“I carried you in, you looked exhausted,” Janis says. “What time is it?”
“Just after one,” Cady says as she strokes through Janis’ short hair. “I still love this haircut.”
“I can tell,” Janis chuckles as she cuddles in closer. “You don’t miss the blonde, though?”
“I do,” Cady hums thoughtfully. “But this length is so satisfying to play with. And your shave is in an easier place to reach now.”
Janis had continued sporting the side shave, and stretched it to an undercut at the back of her head as well when she cut the blonde off. Cady loves running her fingers over the buzzed areas, and Janis certainly doesn’t complain.
“Guess I’ll keep it like this then. Should we go get Damian?” Janis says as she leans in for another sweet kiss. “Can’t let him sleep too much longer.”
“Yeah. Are we doing anything today?” Cady asks as she follows Janis out of bed.
“I don’t really have anything planned from this point, I just figured we’d walk around and if you find something you want to do, we’ll do it. But maybe we should start tomorrow,” Janis replies. “Nana’s definitely gonna throw some family reunion type thing tonight and make a shit ton of food, we should save our energy for that.”
“Aww. That sounds fun,” Cady says. “But also tiring, you’re right.”
“They are usually pretty fun,” Janis hums. “And Charlotte is coming, she tells good stories, you’ll like those.”
“Is she the one who told that story about the time you fell into that lake and came back to a picnic totally drenched and told me to watch you around water at our wedding?” Cady asks.
“Yeah,” Janis mumbles sheepishly. “I can show you that lake, if you want. It’s nearby.”
Cady nods excitedly. “Of course. Oh, and hey, guess what?”
Janis turns from the door she’s approaching to leave their little room. “What?”
“I love you,” Cady says, pulling her down for a kiss. Janis has to fight a squeal.
“I love you too,” she replies after a second. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” Cady whispers against her lips. “I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you too. I want this trip to celebrate all of us. Not just me and Damian. You deserve this too.”
“Okay,” Janis whispers back. “Thanks.”
Cady chuckles. “You promise you’ll tell me if you see something you want to do, too?”
Janis kisses her soundly one more time. “I promise.”
“Good. Let’s go get D,” Cady says with a final peck.
“Okay.”
—————
“Damian!” Janis calls as she leaps onto his bed.
“Cheese and crackers!” Damian yelps, throwing himself to the ground. “Janis!”
“Jay, I swear to god,” Cady groans from the doorway. “That is not what I meant by ‘wake him up’.”
“It worked though,” Janis says as she helps him up. “Morning!”
Damian glares at her. “Hello, Jan. Is it actually morning?”
“No, it’s almost two in the afternoon,” Cady replies. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Damian says as he brushes himself off.
“Good. Janis says there’s gonna be some sort of big dinner thing, can you help me study everyone?” Cady asks.
“Yeah,” Damian answers.
“Oh, hold on a second,” Janis says, running from the room. She returns with a framed photo of her whole family from a few years ago. “Here. It’s old, but everyone looks pretty much the same.”
Janis sits in between them and points everyone out so they can match names to faces. Cady looks a bit overwhelmed, but eventually can point everyone out.
“I’m gonna go shower, if you stay here nobody will bother you guys,” she says once her part is done. “Have fun.”
-
By the time Janis is put together enough for a family gathering, Cady and Damian know all her relatives by name and how they relate to one another. Janis is kind of touched that they both put so much effort into learning everyone in her family.
She hadn’t quite been expecting every member of her family to show up, but they all make an appearance at some point. Cady isn’t big on crowds and Damian hasn’t spoken French since high school, so they both stick around her throughout the meal.
Her aunt Charlotte shows up fashionably late as always, with gifts for the three of them. She greets Janis with a hug and hands her a set of incredibly expensive oil paints, and then looks around for Cady.
“Where is the doctor one?” She asks in fluent but heavily accented English. Cady peeks up from where she’s crowded by all of the younger cousins, coming over to say hello.
“Bonjour,” she says shyly. Charlotte greets her and hands over her gift, which looks to be a tasteful diamond bracelet. Cady frantically leans in to whisper to Janis. “I can’t take this, this had to have cost at least a thousand euro.”
Charlotte, evidently, hears her whispers and laughs. “Nonsense, Cady darling. You are smarter than anyone here, you deserve my money even more than my dear Janis. I am glad she is spoiling you.”
Cady blinks a few times, before begrudgingly accepting her beautiful gift. “Thank you, it really is beautiful.”
“But of course. Now where is darling Damian?” Charlotte responds. Damian comes over from the kitchen to say hello as well, and gets a very soft cashmere sweater.
-
Janis struggles to guide her wife and friend through a family dinner, and Cady collapses on their bed by the time they’re excused.
“Did your dad actually punch your great-aunt in the stomach?” She asks with a slight chuckle. “Just, like, no warning, full force?”
“I’ve heard that story from a minimum of five relatives, so I think it’s probably true,” Janis responds. “But he was only about five. And I think the stories explain a lot.”
“Do you miss him?” Cady asks quietly. “Your dad?”
“Yeah,” Janis says. “But I don’t think I miss him in the same way you miss your brother. Like, I wish I had gotten to know my dad, and I wish I had grown up with a decent father figure. But I didn’t really get to know him well enough to miss him as a person.”
Cady hums empathetically. “From what I’ve heard, you’re a lot like him anyway. But I wish those things too.”
“Thanks,” Janis mumbles. “I’ll take you around town tomorrow, we can see all the places from the stories.”
“Okay,” Cady grins. “J’taime.”
Janis smiles back as she cuddles into her wife. “J’taime aussi. Bonsoir.”
————-
The next morning, they both wake around eleven, starting to adjust to the time difference. Janis takes both Cady and Damian on a walk around the nearby area.
Cady laughs happily as Janis explains stories and where they happened, pointing out the shop where her mother met her father, the lake she had fallen into as a child, the tree her aunt had carved every family member’s initials into.
Cady stays behind for just a second at the shop, brushing a hand over the wall to thank it for sparking the events that gave her her beloved. She can almost feel the history inside.
For the time of year, it’s a remarkably cool day, and once they’ve stopped for a quick break Cady and Damian both ask to keep going. They go a bit farther than they had anticipated, into a larger area of the city.
Damian wanders off for a second, having spotted a sign on a building nearby. “Cads, come here, you read French better than me.”
Cady approaches, leaving Janis behind for a moment to join him. “Swim with... I don’t remember this word.”
“Dolphins,” Janis says suddenly from behind them, making them both jump.
“Swim with dolphins?” Cady asks. “Oh, that sounds fun! Can we, Jayjay? Pleeeeease please please?”
“Of course, Butterfly,” Janis says with a grin. “I’ll see what they have for tomorrow.”
“Oh, yay!” Cady squeals, hugging Janis tightly. Damian just cocks an eyebrow at them and joins the hug.
—————
Janis has to pin Cady to the bed to get her to sleep that night. But somehow by morning, their positions are reversed. Janis wakes up to her wife happily straddling her back, drumming her hands against her cheeks to wake her up.
“Caddy. What are you doing?” Janis groans sleepily.
“It’s dolphin day! I’m waking you up,” Cady responds far too brightly for eight in the morning. Janis grabs and pulls her back to cuddle.
“Go back to sleep,” Janis grumbles. “G’night.”
“Fine,” Cady chuckles. She should’ve known better, Janis never would’ve woken up this early anyway. She’s too excited to go back to sleep herself, so she rolls onto her side and watches Janis sleep. It’s rare that she’s awake when Janis isn’t, so she tries to memorize the way Janis looks while she sleeps whenever she gets the chance.
-
Janis finally stirs about two hours later, smiling as she sees her wife looking at her. She kisses her gently before she stretches. “Did you go back to sleep?”
“No,” Cady says. “I’m too excited.”
“You’re too cute,” Janis says, voice still rough with sleep. “It’s not ‘til three, babe.”
“Ugh,” Cady groans. She rolls on top of Janis again, straddling her front this time. She leans down to squish her face against Janis’ neck. Janis feels more than hears the words, “I wanna see them. Dolphins are so cute.”
Damian comes in then to get them up for breakfast. “Y’all-whoa! Okay bye.”
“Dame, come back! We’re not doing anything,” Janis calls. “I’m not that stupid.”
“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Damian grumbles. “Breakfast is ready, your grandma made crepes.”
“Ooh!” Cady squeals, flying out of bed to get ready. Janis follows quickly, pushing Damian out the door so they can get dressed.
-
Cady eats more happily this time, now that she’s not surrounded by quite so many people. But now Janis has to keep her occupied until they get to go to the dolphins.
Cady is chattering excitedly, and poor Damian still looks exhausted. Janis knows he’s excited too, dolphins are his favorite animal, but he’s very much not a morning person. Janis isn’t quite awake herself. Time for some drastic measures.
“Peanut, do you want to look at some old pictures? I know Nana has some around here somewhere,” she says, griping internally.
“Like baby pictures?” Cady says excitedly. “Lemme at ‘em.”
“Stay here. I’ll be back,” Janis grumbles. She returns a few minutes later with a photo album. “This is from just before we moved to America, I think.”
Cady makes grabby hands for the book and flips excitedly to the first page. Damian perks up a little and sits on her other side. Cady coos when baby Janis makes an appearance.
“Your little cheeks! Oh my god,” Cady squeals.
“Have you not seen any old pictures of Janis before?” Damian asks in confusion.
“Not this little, the only ones she’s let me see are from five and up,” Cady says as she turns to the next page. This one features baby Janis chewing on one of her feet. “Oh my god, look at you.”
“I’ve seen them, Cads, I’m good,” Janis chuckles. Cady flips the page again to one of her dad holding her.
“Is this your dad?” Cady asks quietly. Janis nods with a grin.
“Yeah,” she says. Cady looks back and forth between the photo and her wife.
“You look like him,” Cady says after a moment. “Dame, look at their jawlines. And-oh, Jay, smile. See? Exactly the same.”
“Shit, yeah,” Damian says, looking back and forth. “And the... is it their noses?”
“Yes! That’s what it is,” Cady says. Janis is confused, but happy that there’s such a strong resemblance. “My god, you were so cute!”
“Were?” Janis jokes.
“Oh, shush. You’re always on my case for calling you cute,” Cady says, gently flicking her ear.
“Yeah, yeah. I need to go shower, y’all can keep looking if you want,” Janis says, gesturing to Damian behind Cady’s back to keep her busy. He nods.
—————
By the time they’re outside the dolphin place, Cady and Damian are holding hands and bouncing up and down in excitement.
“Come on, dorks, let’s see some dolphins,” Janis says as she leads them into the massive building. It spans the area of several blocks, and a vast majority of it are large tanks and pools.
A lady welcomes them at the main desk and introduces herself as Bernadette, handing over their life jackets and taking them on a short tour. Upon seeing the slight confusion on Damian’s face, she switches to English and explains how they take care of the dolphins.
Cady looks relieved when she explains that the only dolphins here are ones that wouldn’t survive in the wild, and that they do rescues to help injured ones to eventually release back into the ocean. The tanks are absolutely massive with plenty of room to swim, and the water is kept at the perfect temperature.
Finally, they’re lead outside to one of the massive pools, and Cady gives a quiet squeal when she sees the dolphins swimming around happily. Damian follows Bernadette into the water first, yelping at the cold temperature.
“Ooh, it’s cold!” Cady squeals, walking around on her tippy toes until she gets used to it. The three dolphins suddenly swim over, sort of circling around her curiously. “Oh, hello.”
Janis follows after Cady, but the dolphins won’t leave her wife to greet anyone else.
“They seem to like you,” Bernadette chuckles. She swims over to introduce them. “This is Poséidon, and Daphné, and this here is Corail.”
She gives a command and one by one, the dolphins pop up on their tails and wave to them. Cady squeals when she gets splashed as they go back down, but claps for them at their impressive trick.
Bernadette guides them over to Damian with a bit of effort, and gives another command for Corail to pop up and kiss his cheek. He gasps in surprise since the command was in French, but chuckles at the sensation. “Aww! Bonjour, Corail!”
“Is that the first girl you’ve kissed, D?” Janis jokes.
“Actually, yeah,” Damian says. “Except you.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, what?” Cady insists. “When did that happen?”
“We were like, eleven, and trying to work out if we were actually gay so we kissed one time,” Janis explains quietly. “And we agreed not to talk about it again, Damian.”
Cady is laughing so hard she’s only held up by the life jacket, forgetting to tread water to keep herself afloat. “That’s so cute. Oh, bonjour!” She says when the dolphins return to her side.
“You may pet them if you like,” Bernadette says, pretending she didn’t hear the story. “All of you can.”
Cady happily reaches out to brush a hand over their smooth backs, in awe at the sensation. “Ooh! They’re so smooth! That’s so cool. Guys, come feel them!”
Janis and Damian swim over to pet them too, and Janis yelps a little when she first makes contact. “Oh, that’s weird!”
“They’re so cute,” Damian coos. “It’s a really nice feeling.”
“Their skin regenerates almost every two hours to help maintain the texture,” Bernadette explains. “Much faster than humans, to say the least.”
“They feel like wet rubber,” Janis says. “They are cute though.”
“Many people say that, that is a good way to describe it,” Bernadette laughs. She gives another command and Poséidon pops up and kisses Janis on the cheek. Janis yelps slightly and jumps back, but swims close again when Cady reaches for her. “Oh, I should have warned you, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Janis chuckles. “Bonjour, Poséidon.”
He pops up again, seemingly waiting for something. Bernadette laughs. “He wants you to kiss him back.”
“Little man-whore,” Janis grumbles, but leans in to smooch his beak. Cady leans in on the other side too, prompting an excited chirp as he swims a happy lap around the pool.
Corail and Daphné seem jealous and also pop up for kisses from Cady, who obliges with a delighted laugh. They chirp happily and kiss Cady’s cheek in return.
“Aww, you have competition, Jay,” Cady coos.
“You’re gonna leave me for a fish?” Janis calls.
Cady gasps indignantly. “They are mammals.”
“Whatever, they live in water and don’t have legs, they’re close enough. You’re gonna leave me for a water-dwelling mammal?” Janis pouts.
“Of course not,” Cady says. “Come back, they’re sorry.”
Janis swims her way back over for a kiss from her wife. “You taste like dolphin.”
Cady laughs. “So do you, fish face. What happens now?”
“They can tow you around the pool by their fins, if you’re interested,” Bernadette offers.
“Does it hurt them?” Cady asks worriedly.
“Not at all, they actually seem to rather enjoy it,” Bernadette responds. “You only add a touch more pressure to the fin, if you don’t grab it too hard.”
“Oh. Yeah, that sounds fun!” Cady cheers. Bernadette shows them all how to gently hold the fins, each of them getting their own dolphin. Damian gets Poséidon, Cady gets Corail, and Janis gets Daphné. Once they’re all securely but carefully holding on, Bernadette gives a cue and the three of them set off. They go slower than Janis had thought they would, but she’s grateful that she’s not getting splashed or lugged underwater.
“Ooh. This is nice,” Damian says, cuddling into Poséidon a little closer. “Relaxing.”
Janis paid a fair sum for this experience, but she thinks it’s worth it for the tow. It is quite relaxing, and Cady is laughing brightly the whole way.
“That was so fun!” Cady calls when they’re done.
“I’m glad! If you would bid the dolphins a quick adieu, we can now move on to the shore activities,” Bernadette replies. She leads them out of the tank and offers them each a towel, and they return their life jackets as they dry off.
Once they’re not dripping anymore they follow Bernadette inside to a kitchen area, and are immediately confronted with the smell of fish. Damian has to tap out and waits for the girls outside. Bernadette greets and has a quick chat with her co-worker in French before grabbing a couple buckets of prepared fish and heading back out of the room.
“My apologies for the smell, but you get used to it after a while,” Bernadette says to Damian. He nods shakily and follows them back to the dolphins. They all rush up when they spy the buckets, almost begging like little dogs for a treat.
“Aww,” Cady coos. “Water puppies.”
Janis links their fingers together and leads them to the edge. Bernadette explains that she’ll have them do tricks, and then if they want to, the three of them will get to feed them the fish as a reward. Damian sits far away from the smelly buckets, opting to just watch.
Bernadette gives the first command and the three of them all hop up and wave their fins, and they wave back happily. Cady and Janis toss each of them a few of the small fish. She gives another cue and they turn away, facing lengthwise down. They pick some speed up and suddenly leap into the air, diving a couple times.
“Holy shit!” Janis yelps at the height they can get. “That’s impressive.” Cady and Janis toss them more fish.
Bernadette continues giving cues, prompting the dolphins to dance, come up for pets, shake hands, give more kisses, and even hop up next to them on the shore for a split second. Cady even gets to play fetch with Poséidon for a while with a small ball.
Once they’re down to about a quarter of the last bucket of fish, Bernadette stops giving the dolphins commands. They swim around the area contently, calming down after the exercise.
“Now, I understand you are an artist, Janis?” Bernadette asks, heading to a nearby cart.
“Um... yeah,” Janis says anxiously. “Kind of.”
“Nonsense,” Bernadette chuckles. “Your wife tells me you are very good.”
Janis looks at Cady in confusion. “Does she?”
“You are! You teach art to kids, for the love of god,” Cady says. “Just wait, this is awesome. You’re gonna love it.”
Bernadette chuckles and heads to a nearby cart of supplies, returning with several pieces of paper, brushes, and a few colors of non-toxic paint.
“Our friends here enjoy art as well, you all get to help them create their next masterpiece,” Bernadette says. Janis looks very excited. She got to paint with elephants in Kenya, so she’s excited to do art with another animal.
Bernadette places the brushes into a sort of hoop shaped thing, and instructs them to pick what colors they want for the paintings. Janis picks purple, blue, and grey; Cady picks yellow, pink, and green; and Damian picks black, pink, and orange.
The colors are squeezed into pallets, and they dip the brushes into the paint. Then, the hoop attachments are slipped gently over the beak of the dolphins, and they’re instructed to hold the canvas over the dolphins’ heads. All three wag the brushes back and forth, making bright streaks on the canvas.
The process is continued until all three colors are used up and the canvases are mostly covered, then they turn to see the beautiful works of art the creatures have made for them. It’s rather abstract, obviously, but they are very beautiful.
Unfortunately they now have to say goodbye to the dolphins. They kiss and pet each one before they have to go, waving goodbye sadly. Janis buys all of the photos taken of their experience, and also buys each of them a commemorative shirt and a stuffed dolphin from the gift shop.
Cady and Damian are both still shaking with adrenaline as they head home, chatting excitedly about their favorite parts. Once they get there, though, they start to crash. Cady’s almost totally asleep by the time they make it through the door.
Janis carries her up the stairs, Damian following closely behind them. He slugs his way to his own room, all of them deciding to take a nap before dinner. Janis has to wake Cady to get her out of her swimsuit, and Cady just tugs on Janis’ dolphin t-shirt and flops into bed, crawling under the covers and cuddling her stuffed dolphin.
Janis changes into other comfortable clothes since her shirt was stolen and crawls in after her, spooning her wife gently. She’s not quite tired enough to sleep, so she contents herself with holding her girl and remembering all the fun they had.
——————
A few days later, they head to Paris. Janis’ grandmother threw yet another dinner for them to celebrate, and insisted they come back for another visit soon. Cady promises they will, and Janis agrees.
Janis’ cousin takes them to the train station to see them off that afternoon. It’s about a six hour trip, so they’ll be at their hotel at around seven in the evening. Cady looks out the window the whole way, and Damian looks a bit green. He’s never been great with motion.
“So what do you want to see in Paris, Bluejay?” Cady asks, munching happily on the croissant she had gotten off the cart.
“The Louvre,” Janis replies instantly. “More than anything. And the Eiffel tower, I guess.”
“Oh, I would love to go to the Louvre,” Cady says happily. She’s interested in the art there, of course, but she loves seeing Janis in her element. “I’m excited to eat.”
“You’ll get plenty of opportunities,” Janis chuckles. “What about you, what do you want to see, Peanut?”
“I want to see the historical stuff. Like the Palace of Versailles and the Arc de Triomphe and stuff,” Cady replies. “Dame? You okay?”
“Mmhmm,” Damian hums. He’s looking better now that he’s eaten. “I just want to go to Disneyland.” Cady suddenly looks very excited.
“I forgot about Disneyland! That would be so fun,” she squeals. They’ve managed to get Cady caught up on Disney movies and shows, but haven’t had a chance to take her to any of the parks yet. Now they have to go.
Finally, a lady’s voice announces their stop, so they all hop up and grab their bags. Once they’re above ground again, Janis barely manages to get them a cab to their hotel. Cady gets stuck in the middle again, but keeps leaning over them so she can see out the windows.
“It’s so pretty,” she sighs happily. She spins around as they’re dropped outside their hotel, staring up at the sky. It is rather beautiful, with the city bathed in the light from the setting sun.
Janis leads them in and checks them in to their rooms. She’d booked Damian one on a different floor, for his own sake. They are in the city of love, after all. Janis plans to make full use of it.
Cady enters the room first, immediately rushing over to the window. “Jay, come here.”
Janis comes up behind her, kissing her cheek and hugging her from behind. “It’s beautiful. That’s the top of the Eiffel tower over there.”
Cady turns in her embrace. “It is beautiful. But not as beautiful as you.” She giggles as Janis blushes. “I love you so much. Thank you for bringing us here.”
“I love you too, Butterfly. I’m glad I could. What did you think of Marseille?” Janis asks, pulling Cady next to her on the large bed.
“It was beautiful,” Cady replies. “And your family is... so lovely. I loved hearing all the stories and seeing the places that are important to your family. It was wonderful.”
“Good,” Janis grins as Cady leans up to kiss her. “Should we get D and find somewhere for dinner?”
“Oh, yes! Can we walk? It’s so nice out,” Cady replies, dragging Janis up by the hand and towards the door.
“We should change first, but sure, baby,” Janis says. “Come on.” They put on fancier clothes and Janis switches their positions, running down the long hallway towards the elevator and hauling her laughing wife behind her. The doors close behind them as they both try to catch their breath. Janis brushes her hands through Cady’s curls to smooth them back down. “Have you ever had escargot?”
Cady pulls a slightly concerned face. “No. Those are snails, right?”
“Yeah. They’re not bad, though, I think you’ll like them,” Janis replies. The doors open when they reach Damian’s floor. Janis leads them to his door and knocks. “D, we’re gonna go get dinner, do you want to come?”
He answers the door already wearing the hotel robe and with a sheet mask on. “Can I have a second?”
Both girls laugh and nod. Janis sighs when the door closes again. “We’ve been here for ten minutes.”
“It’s Damian,” Cady giggles in reply. “And skincare is important.” Damian comes back fully dressed and sans mask. Cady grabs his hand as well and leads them both back to the elevator.
Janis finds a restaurant within walking distance that has very highly rated escargot. She knows Damian hasn’t had it either, and wants to know what they’ll think of it.
-
They get to the place right as dinner service is beginning, and are led over to a table.
“They’re all so close together,” Cady says, having to wiggle her way in.
“They have a lot of people to fit in,” Janis replies. “Just how it happens here.”
“I’m glad we changed. Everyone here is so fancy,” Damian mumbles.
They continue making light conversation as they wait for the food Janis ordered to arrive. Finally it arrives, and Cady and Damian look more than a little concerned.
Janis pops some of the snails out of their shells, eating one herself and offering the others to Damian and Cady. They take them, looking to each other for confidence and eating them.
“Oh!” Cady says. “Thats way better than I thought, that’s so good! Way better than snake meat.”
“I told you,” Janis laughs.
“It’s like ravioli,” Damian says as he reaches for another. “But... snails.”
“Yeah, that’s a good way to put it,” Cady giggles. “How do you get them out?” Janis shows her how to use the fork to pop them out, and Cady follows suit once she knows how.
-
Many hours later, Cady cuddles up to Janis in bed, finally ready for sleep. “How long are we here, Jay?”
“We’re in Paris for a week,” Janis replies.
“A week?!” Cady says in shock.
“I wanted to make sure we had time to see everything you both wanted to,” Janis says. “And I have another surprise when we get home. But that’s kind of for both of us.”
“Jay, you’re spoiling me,” Cady whines. “Can I know the other surprise?”
“Nope,” Janis hums. “But I’ll tell you right once we’re back in America. And you deserve to be spoiled, Peanut. You’re a doctor, you’ve worked so hard.”
Cady grins at her. “Fine. Will you tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?”
“I don’t have anything planned,” Janis says. “What do you want to do?”
“The Louvre,” Cady replies with a smile. “I want you to tell me all about everything. I won’t even need a tour guide.”
Janis smiles back, leaning down for a kiss. “Sounds like a plan.”
Cady cuddles in close, nuzzling into her chest. “I love you, darling.”
“I love you too, Butterfly. Sweet dreams,” Janis replies, holding her closer.
————-
Janis wound up being the one with trouble sleeping that night, struggling to fall asleep and waking up early. She decides to return the favor Cady pulled on the dolphin day.
Cady, as always, is asleep on her belly, so Janis rolls to straddle her back at her waist and drums on her shoulders. Cady gives a sleepy groan and pops an eye open to look at her.
“Jay.” She grumbles crankily. “Wha’ you doin’.” Janis leans down to kiss her cheek and around her ear.
“Good morniiiiiing,” she hums. “It’s Louvre day, I’m waking you up!”
Cady groans into her pillow. “Go back ‘sleep.”
“No, I’m too excited!” Janis says. “Come on, don’t you at least want breakfast?”
“Wan’ sleep more,” Cady moans. She shifts and Janis falls off her with a yelp, thudding to the ground.
“Hmph. I see how it is,” Janis grumbles. “Fine, you can sleep in, cranky pants.”
“Thank youuuu,” Cady calls into her pillow, and is snoring gently again within minutes. Janis giggles and slides back into bed, stroking a curl away from Cady’s face and watching her sleep. She is actually too excited to go back to sleep, so she decides to make slightly better use of her time.
She heads to her carry on bag and pulls out the sketchbook and pencils she had brought along, before opening the window to sketch their view. She flips past the ones she did of Marseille to a blank page. The rooftops seem to stretch for miles, and she can just spy the top of the famous tower a ways away.
Cady groans sleepily behind her as she’s finishing shading in the skyline, rolling over onto her back and throwing her arms over her head. Janis decides she needs to work on sketching people more. She perches herself on top of the wardrobe and sketches her life, smiling lovingly at the little snuffling noises she makes every now and again.
“G’morning,” Cady groans as she finally wakes up, stretching and yawning before rubbing her eyes.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Janis chuckles, hopping down as Cady reaches for her. “How did you sleep?”
“Good, until someone sat on me,” Cady says, glaring at Janis.
“Just returning the favor,” Janis chuckles. “Let’s go get breakfast.”
“No way. You haven’t kissed or cuddled me yet, you’re not going anywhere,” Cady demands, pulling her back.
Janis laughs and cups her face, leaning in to press their lips together. “Can that hold you over until we eat?” Cady leans in for one more sweet kiss.
“I suppose.”
—————-
Janis takes Cady and Damian to a nearby bakery for some breakfast croissants. All of them eat outside, enjoying the way the whole street seems to smell like fresh bread and baking sweets.
Cady asks to walk again, wanting to see as much of the city as she can. Surprisingly, Damian agrees, even though he’s never been one for much physical activity. The Louvre isn’t particularly close by, but Janis also agrees to a walk. Saves having to pay for a cab.
“Shit,” Janis murmurs in awe when they finally reach their destination. “It’s big.”
“It says here it’s seventy-three thousand square meters,” Cady says, holding up her phone. “So yes, it is very big.”
“Very astute observation there, Janjan,” Damian teases. “Let’s go in, come on.”
“They have tours, should we do that?” Janis asks, pointing to a sign.
“We don’t need to,” Cady says, lacing their fingers together. “We have you.”
-
Once they’re past the impossibly long line to get in, Janis instantly heads off, hauling Cady and Damian behind her. She follows the signs to the area with the Mona Lisa first, knowing there’s going to be a large crowd for them to work through to see it up close.
“Wow,” Damian says when they make it in. There is a massive crowd in front of it, but they can still just barely see. Except Cady.
“Hang on,” Cady grumbles, grabbing their hands and somehow weaseling her way through all the people until they’re at the front. “There. Short people tricks.”
“Nice, babe,” Janis says, staring in awe at the famous painting in front of her. She rattles off all the facts about it she can remember from her years of study, before they move on to look at other things.
“Oh, that’s in Animal Crossing!” Cady says happily, pointing to a painting nearby. “What is this, lovey?”
Janis laughs at her excitement over finding the real versions of something from her favorite game. “That’s called The Summer. This guy did a few like that, with the faces made out of fruit and stuff.”
“It’s... nice,” Damian says confusedly. “Why did he do that?”
“Hell if I know. Most of the people who did these paintings were probably on some drug or another,” Janis says in reply. “Neat though.”
Janis leads them from area to area, explaining and listing facts about whatever Damian or Cady point to. It works well enough for all of them. They get to see all the famous works, Janis gets to see everything she wants, and Damian and Cady get explanations and extra facts from Janis.
“Wow,” Cady says when she spies the Vénus de Milo. She breaks away from them and wanders over to get a closer look. Janis follows her and leads Damian after them, since Cady is small and easy to lose.
“That’s the Vénus de Milo,” she hums in Cady’s ear. “She’s supposed to be one of the Greek goddesses.”
“Which one?” Damian asks.
"Nobody really knows,” Janis replies. “Most people think Aphrodite. Venus was her Roman counterpart, so that’s where the name came from.”
“Her dress is falling off,” Cady mumbles distractedly, making Damian and Janis laugh. “What happened to her arms?”
“Fell off,” Janis shrugs. “There’s a lot of theories about that too. They probably were just too heavy and broke away at some point. Some people think it was a shipwreck or something, I can’t remember specifically.”
“Hm. That’s interesting,” Cady says. “Oh, her foot is gone too.”
“Yeah, she’s lost a lot of stuff over the years. She had jewelry and stuff originally,” Janis replies. “Just lost to time one way or another.”
Cady leans back against her and turns her head to kiss at Janis’ jaw. “You’re so smart. I love you, art freak.”
Janis grins. “I love you too, math nerd.”
“Okay, time to move on! Chop chop,” Damian insists, wanting to get as far away from their sappiness as he can.
—————
“That was... really fun, Bluejay,” Cady yawns once they’re finally back in their hotel room, freshly showered and ready to sleep. “I love seeing you with art.”
“I’m glad you had fun,” Janis replies as her wife spoons her. “Go to sleep, Butterfly, we have to be up early tomorrow.”
“Why?” Cady yawns again.
“I’m not gonna tell you, or you’ll never sleep,” Janis says. “It’s nothing terribly exciting, but they open early. We should be there pretty soon after it does.”
“Oh. Mmkay. G’night, love.” Cady mumbles, seeming content with Janis’ surprises for once. Janis had toned it down slightly, they were going to Disneyland Paris tomorrow. She’d talked it over with Damian, and agreed that he got to pick what they do tomorrow.
“Goodnight, Princess,” Janis says, secretly giving a little hint.
——————-
She kisses Cady awake the next morning around eight. “Good morning, Butterfly.”
“Good morning,” Cady yawns. “Where are we going today?”
“I’ll tell you in a bit,” Janis replies. “I made sure we had cuddle time today.”
“Good,” Cady replies, pulling Janis down on top of her. “How did you sleep?”
“Good, actually,” Janis replies. “I think I’ve finally actually adjusted to the time shift. How did you sleep?”
“Good,” Cady says. “Nobody sat on me to wake me up today, I much prefer kisses.”
“Noted,” Janis chuckles. “For the record, so do I.” Cady gives a chuckle that says she already knows but has chosen to ignore that information.
“When do we get breakfast?” Cady asks after a long, peaceful moment.
“On the train,” Janis replies. “My cuddles not enough for you?”
Cady flicks her nose gently. “Yes, they are, but unfortunately I can’t live on cuddles alone. The train. That means somewhere pretty far away.”
Janis checks the time, it’s been about a half hour since they woke up. They should probably get ready now. She sits up, and rolls off of Cady so she isn’t thrown to the ground again.
“Dame and I decided we’re going to Disneyland today,” she says gently. As she expected, Cady flies out of bed with a delighted squeal and starts dancing around the room. Janis just watches her with a smile, until Cady leaps on her from above and kisses everywhere she can reach.
“Disneyland! Let’s go, come on, we have to get ready!” Cady calls, lugging Janis out of bed to shower and get dressed. She’s almost as excited as she was when she found out they were coming to France in the first place.
“Baby,” Janis says lovingly. “Breathe. You have an hour long train ride to get through first, we can’t have you leaping out the window when we’re going several hundred miles per hour.”
Cady comes back down to Earth a bit then. “Oh.”
“Come on, let’s get ready, Peanut,” Janis coaxes, turning the shower on.
-
Half an hour later, both ladies are showered and dressed in loose clothing and good shoes, before they head down to meet Damian. Cady leaps on him before he can even open the door all the way.
“We’re going to Disneyland!” She squeals when he yelps in surprise as a small redheaded rocket suddenly barrels into him.
“Good morning, Caddy,” he chuckles affectionately. Janis grabs her wife back, picking her up to carry her to the elevator.
“Come on, Peanut, let’s go,” she tuts lovingly as Cady clings to her with a delighted giggle. “Gonna have to get a leash for you.”
“Kinky,” Cady teases. “I’ll calm down.”
“No you won’t,” Janis retaliates. She doesn’t really want Cady to calm down, anyway. “I know you, wifey.”
“Fine, you’re right,” Cady agrees. “But I won’t run away. I need you guys to show me around anyway.”
“Happily,” Janis says as she finally sets her down.
—————-
Cady is already spinning around in awe when they’re finally outside the gates. Janis links their fingers together as she buys their tickets, and Damian grabs Cady’s other hand before Cady tugs them forward.
Janis buys their way into the park and squeezes Cady’s hand. “Where first, babe?”
“Oh, I don’t know! There’s so much,” Cady says happily. “Oh, can we get ears?”
“Sure,” Janis says. “Well, you can.”
“You don’t want ears?” Cady pouts. “They have a bunch.”
“Under no circumstances am I wearing Mickey ears,” Janis replies. “But you pick some, they’ll be cute on you.”
Ten minutes later, Janis is wearing ears. Cady has some on that look like Simba’s, Damian has a pair designed to look like Mulan’s costume, and Janis has been coaxed by her wife into a Maleficent themed pair. Cady takes a selfie of all of them with their ears, making kissy faces at the camera, and one with their normal smiles.
“Yay! Okay, I wanna see the castle,” Cady cheers as she puts her phone away.
“There’s a dragon too,” Janis says.
“A dragon?” Cady asks. “In the castle?”
“No, underneath,” Janis says. “This way, come on.”
Sure enough, the shortcut Janis takes leads them to a very large animatronic dragon deep in the belly of the castle.
“That’s so cool,” Cady says as she watches it move. “Look, you can see it breathe.”
“The wings move too,” Damian says, pointing to one. “And its feet.”
“Wow,” Cady says. “Can we go in the castle?”
“I think so,” Janis replies. “Line might be a bit long, but we can if you want.”
“It’s so pretty,” Cady sighs happily. “The waterfalls.”
Damian leads them inside and up to the second floor, where there’s a series of large and beautiful stained glass windows depicting the story of Sleeping Beauty. Cady leads them around to peer through each.
“Oh, it’s so beautiful up here,” Cady says. “But let’s go ride stuff, we can come back here later.”
“I wanna go on the Ratatouille ride,” Damian says quickly. Cady nods rapidly, and Janis is also intrigued, so Damian takes their hands and leads them that way. “It’s super cool, they’re not on a track. It’s all computers.”
Cady looks more than a little apprehensive at that. “And they don’t crash into each other?”
“No, they all have programmed routes, every car is different. Don’t worry,” Damian replies.
“Oh. That sounds fun,” Cady cheers. The lines are usually decorated with some sort of theme to match, and Cady looks around excitedly. Janis contents herself with watching her wife until they’re led onto the ride.
Janis has to admit that it is more fun than she had anticipated, it actually makes you feel like a little rat running around. But the best part is still Cady and Damian’s laughter throughout the whole thing.
“Where do you want to go, Jayjay?” Cady asks once they finish, still giggling slightly.
“Hyperspace Mountain,” Janis says immediately. “I don’t know if you guys would like it though, it goes pretty fast.”
“I’ll try it,” Cady says.
Damian says, “Hard pass,” at the same time. “You guys go, I’ll just look around.” He holds their ears and bags as they go to wait in line.
“Cads, are you sure you want to come? It’s a roller coaster, you didn’t like them last time,” Janis asks once they’re in line.
“That was almost ten years ago, love. Maybe I’ll like this one,” Cady says. “I’ll try anything once. And anything for you.”
Janis grins and leans in for a chaste kiss. “If you’re sure. I love you.”
“I love you more,” Cady retaliates.
“No, we’ve been through this!” Janis insists.
“And we’ve never reached a conclusion, so what’s your point?” Cady says with a chuckle. “This could continue until the end of time.”
Janis kind of hopes it does. They continue bickering until they’re fastened in. Cady goes quiet when she realizes where she is. She’s excited, but still nervous. She doesn’t have a great track record with roller coasters so far. Janis takes her hand and kisses her knuckles to help calm her down just before they shoot forward.
Cady’s hair is entirely poofed out by the time they get off, and she’s shaking slightly.
“Did you like it?” Janis asks as they head back to Damian.
“Uhhuh,” Cady says shakily.
“Are you lying?” Janis asks, knowing her wife.
“Uhhuh,” Cady says again. Janis laughs, but hugs her gently once they’re out of the way.
“You don’t have to come with me on anything else, it’s okay,” Janis chuckles as her wife clings to her. She seems better this time, she’s not shaking quite so hard and doesn’t look near tears. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Cady replies. “Just... maybe shouldn’t go on anything for a little while. I’m a little overwhelmed.”
“That’s fine, baby,” Janis says. “I’m hungry anyway, let’s find something to eat.”
“Oh, yay!” Cady cheers, always excited to eat. “Oh, Damian has something.”
“Hey guys!” Damian says as they finally reach him. “I found crepes.” He hands each of them a Nutella crepe he had gotten off a cart. “Nice hair, Cads.”
“Thanks,” Cady says, knowing she resembles a lion. She grabs her Lion King ears back to complete the look, before she ties her hair back in a ponytail to make it more manageable. “Ooh, this is good!”
“Yeah, for Disney it’s not bad,” Janis agrees around a mouthful. “Where d’you want to go now?”
“There’s a little Alice in Wonderland maze thingy over that way, it looks cute,” Damian says as he finishes his own snack. “And would be a good way to recover from the coaster.”
“Yes, please, let’s go there,” Cady says, already setting off. Janis and Damian hurry after her towards the maze.
They decide to split up and see who makes it out first. Cady winds up winning, jumping up and down as her wife and friend come out after her. “I win!”
“Nice, Cads. Must be some Kenya left in you,” Damian congratulates, ruffling her hair. “Where now?”
“There’s a pirate thing over that way, I can’t remember if it’s Peter Pan or Pirates of the Caribbean,” Janis replies. “That’s pretty chill.”
“Oh, that sounds nice,” Cady says. Janis leads them over to it and hugs Cady tight as they wait in line.
“Are you having fun?” She asks quietly as Damian sings along to the music playing.
“Yeah, I really am,” Cady grins. “Are you?”
“Yeah,” Janis says back. “I am. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Cady replies.
-
By the time the sun is starting to go down, they’ve gone on everything they wanted to, eaten almost every food offered around the premises, and taken pictures with just about every character they could find.
They have enough time to stay and watch the fireworks before they have to catch the train back. Cady has exerted all of her energy, so Damian and Janis switch off carrying her piggyback around as they finish doing what they want to.
Janis has her as they watch the fireworks, bundled cozily in the matching Mickey Mouse hoodies they had bought when Cady got cold. Cady squishes their cheeks together as they both look up, their Mickey ears clacking together gently.
“I love you so much, Janis,” Cady says quietly as the last firework pops off in the sky. If Cady wasn’t so close Janis wouldn’t have heard. “More than words can say.”
“I love you too, Cady. More than any language can say,” Janis replies. Cady nuzzles into her neck and drifts off to sleep, so Janis just adjusts her grip and chats with Damian as they head out towards the gates.
—————
A couple days later, they head out to see the Palace of Versailles. They’d taken a day to recover from Disneyland, just staying in their hotel and spending quiet time together.
Cady has read up on the history of the palace, and is rattling off facts about each area they visit. Janis is very interested in the beautiful murals on some of the walls and the gorgeous statues scattered about. Damian is more interested in hearing about the royals who built and used to live in the palace. Cady tells them about everything they want to know.
“What if we had a garden like this at home, Jay?” Cady asks as they stroll around the sprawling grounds. Damian had wandered off and got stuck on a tour, so they’re waiting for him to be released.
“We would be very tired trying to maintain it,” Janis responds. “It’s so big, I’m tired just looking at it.”
“True,” Cady giggles. “But I think if we were rich enough to have something this big we’d be able to pay someone else to take care of it. Just think of how much hide and seek we could play here. I’d never run out of hiding spots.”
Janis laughs. “That’s why you want such a massive place? Just to play hide and seek?”
“Why not? What else are you supposed to do with it?” Cady asks. “Just walking around it must get boring after a while.”
“I don’t know that it would, it’s so beautiful,” Janis hums. “You could take a different path every day.”
“You could paint a different part every day, too,” Cady says. “And it must look different in every season, you could do four for each part!”
“You want four paintings for each bit of this place?” Janis chuckles.
“I always want your paintings,” Cady says quietly. “They’re part of you.”
Janis is almost stunned silent. “Thanks, baby. That’s why I love everything you make.”
“Even that shitty plate I tried to make you?” Cady giggles.
“It works! It’s a plate,” Janis insists. “I can still use it. The lumps are good for holding salsa and stuff.”
“And you say you’re not cute,” Cady responds. “I wonder how much this has changed since people lived here. Like, someone from two or three hundred years ago could have walked this same path.”
“I don’t think it’s changed much,” Janis says. “Maybe we walked it before. Past life, or something.”
“Could be,” Cady hums pensively. “You think we were together in a past life?”
“I don’t see why we couldn’t have been,” Janis says. “I definitely feel like I’ve known you a lot longer than I actually have.”
“I feel that way too, I just thought it was a cheesy ‘our souls are connected’ thing,” Cady giggles. “Oh, there’s Damian. Poor thing, he looks so confused.”
“I don’t think that tour he got stuck on was in English,” Janis laughs as they wave him over. “I told him he should keep studying French, but no.”
“How was it, Dame?” Cady asks as Damian finally makes his way to them.
“The bits I could understand were quite interesting,” Damian replies. “Lot of walking though, this place is big.”
“It’s massive! And everything is so detailed, I think I could walk around here every day for ten years and still miss something,” Cady says happily.
“Right? I almost plowed some people down because I kept staring at the ceilings,” Damian chuckles. “Anyway, have you ladies seen what you want to see? I’m hungry.”
“When are you not?” Janis jokes, earning her a whack from her wife. “Ow!”
“Be nice,” Cady scolds. “I’m ready to go, I’m hungry too.”
“I’m nice! This is just how we treat each other,” Janis insists. “You’ve known us for ten years, come on!”
“Yes, and I’ve been constantly exasperated with you two ever since,” Cady sighs lovingly. “Now come on.”
—————
They head to a chocolate shop on their second-to-last day in Paris, so Aaron can get the freshest sweets possible. Janis is slightly worried that they won’t be able to bring them on the plane, but she decides to cross that bridge once they get there.
“So what kinds of chocolate does your boy toy like, Dame?” Janis asks, looking at a small bag of truffles that she’s very interested in for herself.
“Anything, really, he loves candy,” Damian says. “Where did Caddy go?”
“I dunno, she said she wanted to see something,” Janis replies. “She went that way.”
“Hm. Okay,” Damian says suspiciously. “God, everything smells so good.”
“Fresh chocolate,” Janis responds. Familiar arms suddenly wrap around her waist from behind. “Hi, Peanut. What have you been up to?”
“Nothing,” Cady hums in a tone that says she’s definitely been up to something. “Did you pick something?”
“Damn, why is this so expensive?” Damian asks suddenly, holding a case of chocolates of varying flavors. “All of the stuff here is.”
“Because it’s handmade,” Janis says. “They make new stuff every day.”
“Jesus,” Damian sighs. “He’d like this, though.”
“Done,” Janis says as she takes it, working her way over to buy them with her wife still clinging to her. “Now, what did you really get up to, Butterfly?”
“I might have signed us up for an eclair making class,” Cady mumbles. “They said we get to eat the rejects, I couldn’t resist!”
Janis laughs. “That sounds fun, babe, it’s okay. When is it?”
“Now,” Cady says shyly as a man suddenly emerges from the back and greets them. They’re led to wash their hands and put on gloves and hairnets.
The chef gives the instructions in French, so Janis translates as quickly as she can. “Oh, shit.”
“What? We haven’t even done anything yet, what could’ve happened already?” Damian asks frantically.
“He says if ours are good enough they’ll sell them in the shop,” Janis explains. “Or at least use them as a display.”
“Ooh,” Cady says excitedly, paying even closer attention.
“Why is a little bread thing so complicated?” Janis asks in slight fear, as the chef adds flour to a milk mixture and cooks it out.
“But they’re so good,” Cady says, restraining herself from eating all the caramel ingredients and tasty chocolate within her reach. “It’s worth it!”
The chef instructs them through the process of making a sort of caramel custard while the eclairs bake. Damian has started taking notes on his phone.
They’re set loose then, to replicate what the chef has taught them from scratch. Cady starts what she remembers from making the pastry, adding milk and a few other things to a pan. “This already doesn’t look right.”
“Shh, no, it’s fine,” Janis says quickly. “Just keep going, it’ll be fine.” Miraculously, she’s half-right, by the time everything else has been added and combined it almost looks like the one done by a professional.
Damian helps Janis load the dough into the piping bag, Cady watching anxiously off to the side. Janis gets to pipe them out on the bakeware, trying to remember how the chef did it.
She butchers the first one. It turns out sort of lumpy and misshapen, but for her first try it’s not terrible. Unfortunately, the improvement for the others is rather minimal.
“What are you doing? The fuck is that?” Damian calls as she pipes one and twists the end the wrong way.
“My best! I’m doing my best,” Janis calls back. “Look, we can fix it, it’s fine!”
“It’s not fine, oh my god,” Damian says. Janis suddenly hits an air bubble, making one of the eclairs much shorter than it was supposed to be.
“And you’re not helping!” Janis says, piping a little more out. Cady is bent over double laughing at their interaction. “Get the egg wash ready, dork.”
Damian helps Cady get the wash ready, brushing it over the piped pastry and shaping them back to something approaching decent.
“There,” Cady says as she brushes tears of laughter from her eyes. “Good job, guys.”
Janis huffs as she rests the piping bag down and glares at Damian. “Thank you. I tried very hard.”
“I never said they were bad,” Damian defends as the chef helps them clean up to prepare to make the filling. He’s also laughing, apparently having understood most of the recent conversation. “I just criticized your every move.”
“And I appreciate that so much,” Janis says sarcastically. “You fixed them, they’ll be fine.”
Cady gets to make most of the filling, with the chef watching protectively nearby in case of disaster. For her first time making caramel, she does remarkably well. She yelps a little when it puffs up as they add the cream to make it a custard, but recovers quickly and keeps going.
“There, see? Much easier,” Cady says, looking meaningfully at her wife and friend. The caramel is only slightly burnt, but the chef tasted it and said she could get away with it. That was her goal all along.
The eclairs come out of the oven looking remarkably good, and Cady helps Janis prepare the piping bag for the filling. The chef watches them in amusement, and Cady suddenly realizes they’ve made a terrible error.
“Jay?” She asks as Janis fills the bag, blissfully unaware.
“What?” Janis asks.
“We’ve made a mistake,” Cady mumbles, trying to hold back laughter.
“What? What did we do wrong?” Janis asks sadly.
Cady giggles hysterically. “When is the tip supposed to go in?”
Janis’ eyes go wide, and Damian bursts out laughing.
“Shit. Um... how do... what do we do?” Janis asks.
“Take the filling back out so we can put it in?” Cady suggests. Janis takes the bag and scrapes the caramel custard back into the bowl frantically while Cady hunts for the piping tip. “There, problem solved.”
“How are we so bad at this?” Janis mumbles as Cady puts the tip in and holds it for Janis to refill.
“We’re American,” Damian answers. “And eclairs are, like, famously tough to make.”
Once the filling bag is properly constructed, Cady hands the bag to Damian so he can pipe the eclairs full.
“You’re doing it wrong,” Janis teases to get him back. “Look, you have to fill them more! What are you doing?”
“Okay, point proven,” Damian grumbles as he pipes in more on the other side. Cady covers them with the same custard once they’re all full, and then a piece of chocolate is rested on as decoration.
“Yay, we didn’t do that bad!” Cady cheers. “They don’t look that different from his.”
“Yeah, but how do they taste?” Janis asks. She grabs what is clearly the worst looking one and takes a bite, and her eyes go wide when it’s actually quite good. “Oh, shit. Guys, try it.” Cady takes a bite too, and she dances happily at the taste. Damian goes next, giving a surprised hum.
The chef tries one of his own, hiding his surprise well. He informs them that they’re not quite good enough to sell, but they look good enough that they can pick one to put in the window. They pick the best looking one, and get to take the rest home.
“Well that was certainly an experience,” Damian chuckles. “Nice pick, Cads.”
“Thanks! That was fun,” Cady says happily. “And we get eclairs!”
Janis chuckles at how cute her wife is. “Let’s go eat them all.”
—————
On their last full day in Paris, they finally get to go up the Eiffel tower. Damian and Janis are more than a little anxious, since it’s so high, but Cady promises to keep them both safe.
The sun went down a few hours ago, and the stars are out in full force. Cady leans up against the railing and looks out over the rooftops of Paris, thinking back on all the experiences she’s gotten to have over the last week and a half or so.
Janis comes up to hug her from behind as she spies Notre Dame, making her jump. They were warned about pickpockets, so they gave everything important to Janis to keep in her inner jacket pockets. Cady still gets startled.
“Sorry,” Janis says quietly. “Just me.”
Cady leans back against her and turns to smile up at her. “Just my favorite person in the world.”
Janis chuckles. “You’re pretty high on my list, too.”
“Good, nice to know,” Cady giggles in reply.
“Was this a good trip?” Janis asks, kissing her cheek and looking out. She can see the candy shop they got Aaron’s thank you present from the day before, and their hotel. It’s all lit up, and very beautiful.
“A great trip. I loved every minute,” Cady replies. “I don’t want to go home.”
“I don’t either,” Janis says. “We’ll come back soon.”
“We better. We can actually go places now that I’m not in school anymore,” Cady replies. “Thanks for bringing us here.”
“Of course. Dame, come here,” Janis says, reaching for him. He comes to join the cuddle, forming a group hug.
“I love you guys,” he says quietly. “Thanks for the trip, Janjan.”
Janis sniffs, crying slightly. “Both of you stop it, this is too mushy.”
“Aww, Jellybean,” Cady coos. “Come here.” She pulls Janis and Damian in tighter, both of them bending down slightly to cuddle into her shoulders. “I love both of you so much.”
“I said stop,” Janis whines. “God, I love you guys so much.”
“We are in the city of love, Jan, you can’t stop it,” Damian chuckles. “I don’t even want to think about what you two did in that room.”
“Damian Hubbard!” Cady scolds. “Behave.”
“Sorry,” Damian says sheepishly. “I’ll give you guys a moment.” He heads to the other side then, looking out over a different part of the city.
Janis pulls back from her wife and wipes her eyes gently, Cady cupping her face and running her thumbs over her cheeks.
“J’taime tellement,” Cady whispers, leaning up to press their lips together. Another thing to check off their bucket lists, making out on top of the Eiffel tower.
“J’taime aussi,” Janis replies between kisses. “Tellement.”
“We’ll come back someday,” Cady murmurs gently, ghosting the words against Janis’ lips. “We do have to go home.”
“Do you want to know your other surprise?” Janis asks. “Make going home a little easier?”
“Yeah,” Cady says excitedly. Janis grins.
“Remember how when you were trying to guess what I got you in the first place, you asked if we were getting a puppy? And I said no?” Janis asks. Cady nods. “I lied.”
“Really?” Cady squeals. “You’re serious?”
“I don’t kid around about puppies. I found a breeder who just had a litter of golden retrievers a while ago, once we get settled back home we’ll go choose one,” Janis replies, giggling as Cady kisses her passionately again.
“Oh, golden retriever puppies are so cute, yay,” Cady says, bouncing happily. “Elvira gets a sibling.”
“Oh, she’s gonna hate that,” Janis chuckles.
“She’s still young, she’ll learn to like them,” Cady says. “She’s only two.”
“Yeah, that’s, like, a lot of cat years,” Janis says. “She’s a moody teenager.”
“God, yeah,” Cady chuckles. “Sleeps all day too. Oh well, we’ll pick a puppy with a similar personality.”
“I think you’re right, though. They’ll get used to each other eventually,” Janis says.
“We’ll work on it,” Cady replies. “Good job, love, now I almost want to go home.”
“Good,” Janis laughs. “But for now, kiss me again.”
“Gladly,” Cady purrs, popping up on her tippy toes again.
————-
A week later, they’re back in New York and almost adjusted once again to the time change. Time for a puppy.
They’d gotten all the supplies they would need the day before and set up the living room, deciding to keep Elvira in the bedroom until they were ready to be introduced face to face.
Cady shakes with excitement almost the whole way, frantically fiddling with a few of the stim toys she’s recently added to her collection.
When they enter the shelter, they’re immediately swarmed by a flock of puppies, wagging their tails happily and sniffing their shoes. One hops up on its hind legs to sniff Cady better.
“Oh my god,” Cady squeals, in a higher pitch than Janis has ever heard from her. “Oh, you’re all so cute, how am I supposed to pick?”
Janis sits down and laughs as several clamber onto her lap, trying to kiss her face. Cady follows suit, shrieking in surprise as about seven suddenly swarm in and knock her onto her back. One makes it to her face first, sniffing curiously at her nose before settling in on her chest for a nap.
“Oh. Who’s this one?” Cady asks, waving the others away from her face and cradling the one resting.
“That’s Salt. You can change her name if you want,” the breeder replies. “She’s the smallest, and pretty lazy, but she’s very gentle.”
Janis comes over carrying three others in her arms, trying to keep them off her lap. She extends a hand for Salt to sniff and chuckles when she chomps gently on her fingers.
“What do you think, baby?” Janis asks, looking at her wife.
“I love her,” Cady says happily. “Look at that face! We have to go now or I’ll take all of them, get me out of here. I want this one.”
“Sounds good, Butterfly,” Janis laughs. “Come on, let’s go get everything sorted.”
“Okay,” Cady says, scooping up her puppy and following them. “Bye guys! Oh, god, all of you are so sweet.”
“Okay, Salt here is already spayed and microchipped, mostly housebroken, but she’s not trained in any other way. She’s also had all her vaccinations to date, and here’s a recommendation for a vet,” the breeder says. “We notify on our social media whenever one gets adopted, so if you’d ever like to meet up with any of her siblings you can get in touch with their families that way.”
“Aww, that’s great, you’ll get to see your brothers and sisters again,” Cady coos. “Now we get to take you home!”
Janis manages to wiggle the puppy into her new harness and clip the leash on, leading her wife and new addition out once the puppy has said her goodbyes.
“What should we name her, Cads?” Janis asks as the puppy sniffs at a tree.
“What was the name of that shop? From Marseille, where your parents met?” Cady asks.
“La Jonquille,” Janis replies.
“What does that mean? I forgot,” Cady says with a chuckle as Salt runs out of leash and falls down.
“The Daffodil,” Janis says.
“Aww! What about Daffodil? That’s cute,” Cady squeals. “And we could call her Daffy.”
“I like it,” Janis replies. “Come here, Daffy! Come here!” Daffodil comes running over and bumps into Cady’s legs. “Aww, she likes it too, she responded to it.”
“Yay,” Cady says, picking her up and laughing as Daffy licks her face happily. “Oh, goodness, we love you too.”
“Okay, you ready to go home?” Janis asks, scratching behind Daffodil’s little ears.
“Yeah,” Cady grins, taking the leash and holding hands with her wife with her other hand.
But I’m always home with you.
-
does one of the characters in this have my real name because I am just that lazy? yes. this work was a challenge for me, but so much fun to write. hope you enjoyed!
our status for requests is the same as it was in the previous work. I am still taking them, but be aware that it will be July until your work is released.
thanks for reading!
lots of love,
ezzy
#cadnis#paint by numbers#space safari#cady heron x janis sarkisian#cady x janis#cady heron#janis sarkisian#damian hubbard#aaron samuels#mean girls#mean girls broadway#mean girls musical
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As Aizawa promised, he told his class about the bi-centenarian cryptid.
But he hadn’t had to do it alone in the end.
Both hero classes were called into a larger room, where Yagi Toshinori stood as one of the three announcers. And together, Vlad King, Eraserhead, and All Might himself told the prospective hero students of what they knew.
All Might ended up doing most of the talking.
The tall skeleton of a man stood at the podium with the lights shining down on him. His gauntness stood out more then than ever before, and Aizawa was sure the man could feel all 40 students with their gazes set on every divot of his body as the students searched for the hero they had grown up with. Even so, the suited man stood tall, his voice firm and yet kind all the same.
“And so, with you’re current knowledge, I want you to look deep into yourselves. I want you to take the time to really come to understand what it means to be a hero. What becoming a hero in this day and age will mean.” All Might stares out at them, blue gaze gleaming. “It won’t mean the same thing that it meant ten, five, or even one year ago. You will be facing forces brought on by a man even I have still failed to defeat, one who will not care for your age when deciding your fates. You’ve already seen this now, with the attack on the USJ—right now, more so than ever, you have targets on your backs. And so. We at U.A., your teachers, your faculty, everyone. We will all understand if you decide this is not the right path for you. If you so choose to change, we will open your space for the General Education course, or if you so decide to leave the school entirely, Principal Nedzu has given me his word that he will work with the schools in your local districts to find a place for you there. More than for the sake of the world, I want you to look out for yourself right here and right now. Think on it. And by the end of the week, give your decisions to your homeroom teachers.”
The students stare, shaken, unable to even move. Even Bakugou’s a frozen rock, eyes wide. He almost appears to be in shock...
That boy...Aizawa will need to check on him before the day’s over.
When the students do not respond, All Might nods.
“For those of you who do decide to stay, we will be training you now more than ever for your safety and the safety of the people you aim to rescue. Our focus will further pinpoint onto your personal faults and current weaknesses so we can help you grow strong. We will not let you flounder on your own—it is our job to guide you, and we will do that.”
Aizawa watches as some of their shoulders droop, some scrunch leaving some of their faces, some laxity loosening their spines. Even in such a situation, All Might is still an expert at his job, and his voice brings ease to them.
“And in order to gain a better picture of how you can improve, we have come in contact with an expert in the field of Quirk Studies. Her expertise and attention to detail are, as far as our current research details, unparalleled. She’s been contacted and has agreed to work with U.A. staff for the good of your futures if you so choose to continue with us."
Then, much to the surprise of the class, All Might steps from behind the podium and bows to them.
“It has been...of my own shortcomings that all of this has befallen upon your shoulders. And for this, I give you my most humble apologies.”
The students couldn’t respond.
It took Aizawa clapping his hands together for them to snap out of their daze.
“Like he said. End of the week. No one will blame you if you decide to leave. We’ll also be making rounds with your parents by visiting their houses over the week. We’ve already contacted them about the situation, but we also want for you to come to your conclusions. I trust you all can care for your own safety.”
And with that, the meeting adjourned, and Aizawa brought out his best pressed suit to eat crow in front of the parents of all of his students.
To his surprise, all of the parents allow their children to continue attendance if they so wish to. Well, some were much more worried than others. Bakugou’s mother for instance—whom he looks like to almost a startling degree—was more concerned about her son’s strength and making sure he doesn’t force any lag in the class.
“He’s a smart boy with a strong Quirk and a hard-ass head,” she boasted, smacking him on the back of said head when a curse uttered out of his mouth. “If he couldn’t face up against some janky villains in front of him, he’d be useless as hero.”
Endeavor had said something similar.
“Shouto won’t be leaving U.A. It’s his destiny to become a hero, and he will do it from that school. The danger doesn’t matter—if anything, it will only prove his strength to overcome it.”
Then there were parents like Asui’s, who Aizawa and Yagi couldn’t even meet in person.
“Welll...our daughter. She takes care of her siblings. But, well, it’s her dream,” the father of the house said in the Skype call, followed by a deep, throat-expanding croak.
“Right,” her mother said, her call from a different location than her husband’s. “I think it’s best to leave this kind of thing to Tsuyu. She knows what she can handle more than we do. I’m just worried about her.”
“But she’s a tough girl,” the father said. “She can make the decision by herself.”
Or Tokoyami’s.
“I think it’ll be fine if he attends. His quirk use has improved since he started attending that school, after all,” the boy’s bird-faced mother said, the long eyelashes of a Secretary Bird blinking at the two men across from her. “If anything...I’d consider it better quirk therapy than he’d been getting before. If he wants to stay, I’ll have no objections.”
“Indeed,” a human-faced man says beside her, holding one of her hands. His hair is very dark and slicked back, two wisps of a mustache and a goatee on his face. “We’ve always loved our little Fumi-kun, but his quirk can be a bit rowdy. But he’s grown more confident in his control since going to the school. We’d hate to take that away from him.”
Or the Ashidos.
“You all will be looking out for her, right?” Mr. Ashido asks. There’s a well-kept shrine at the back corner of the room with a woman’s face. She looks fairly plain, with glasses that shade her eyes and a salaryman’s smile, but there’s a tint to the grin that hides a wild side. That same woman is in a picture of the Ashido family together, the two doting parents coddling their baby girl, the father’s purple skin and completely white eyes a contrast to his daughter’s pink and black. The man in front of them cries viscous tears. “You’ll be looking out for her...and protecting her...and this...she’s wanted this for so long. I...I won’t take this away from her if she wants this. She’s my baby girl...reminds me so much of her mother...so I know. I know she’d hate it if I took this decision away from her.” He smiles wetly. “She’s a hero at heart.”
In the end, Mr. Ashido knows his daughter well.
She’s the first out of both classes to say she’ll continue.
Eyes wide, clenched fists shivering as she grins up at Aizawa, she proclaims that she’ll continue the path to becoming a hero.
Bakugou’s a close second, saying he wouldn’t be worth his shit if he backed out because things got a little tough.
But it’s not a little tough, it’s a serious threat to his health, and Aizawa begins to wonder what else Bakugou has gotten from his family.
Todoroki’s a close third. He’s particularly expressionless when he says it.
And one after another, his class progressively continues to state their approval to continue.
Vlad King loses a student, a young girl with a bright future, and a kind but unremarkable smile. Her presence hadn’t been particularly noted and her performance during the Sports Festival was lackluster. All Might’s confession had been the final nail in an already built coffin.
After a quick evaluation of the Sports Festival and current class scores, Shinsou Hitoshi’s family are given a visit and a full run-down.
Shinsou approves of his class acceptance the very next day.
The following Monday, nearly all of the same students are sitting in the meeting room, with the new addition of a purple-haired, baggy-eyed boy in 1-B, his slouch hiding his excitement at finally being in the hero course.
Monday’s meeting is headed by Principal Nedzu instead.
“We’ll give you your new class schedules by the end of the meeting. After all, with the threat you all will face from here on out, more than ever, we need to promote cohesiveness and work ethic! So, while you all will be in classes 1-A and 1-B, your hero classes will be taught at the same time.” Before a blond 1-B boy could start complaining, Aizawa finds himself impressed by the efforts of a orange haired girl in the same class, a quick smack to the back of his head shutting him up before he can start. “Of course, working together won’t be enough just to prepare you all for your futures as heroes. So! I’ve taken the liberty to hire on a new staff member who will be looking over your quirks today.”
The students begin to look at each other, a low murmur rumbling from the crowd.
“The new staff member is an expert in the field of Quirk Studies. Even though she doesn’t yet have a degree in the subject, she’s already written theories that surpass dissertation-levels of attention to detail. From the regimes she’s written for several heroes, they have already seen improvements in their bodily functions and in their quirk efficiency.”
The mumbles increase, but a quick glare from Aizawa silences them, 1-B a little startled, not used to the firm handling.
“Then, I hope you all give a warm welcome to our new staff member!” Principal Nedzu cheers, clapping his paws together.
The students in the crowd start clapping as well, ready to see the new teacher...well, counselor.
The slight clack of little heels from behind the side curtain alerted them of her presence, which began getting Mineta and Kaminari a little hyped up.
The first thing they see is a small red heel. It has a low heel with two criss-crossed straps around the black stocking-covered ankles. A red skirt flutters into view, followed by a long-sleeved button-down with a cute string bow tied under her shirt collar.
The clapping peters off, and four students in particular freeze solid and turn blue with horror.
The girl’s peach gloss gleams in the overhead lights, and greenish-black hair curls loosely down her back and over her shoulders, her eyes covered by her bangs. But they don’t hide the smattering of freckles all over her cheeks. With the click of her feet, she stops beside the podium and smiles happily at the crowd.
“This is Kobayashi Chouko. She looks pretty young, don’t you think? I’m sure many of you are surprised, aren’t you? Of course, a few of you already know her, hahaha!”
The principal’s laugh is pointed, humored but serious, and the four boys feel their stomachs drop into their guts.
“As I was saying, Kobayashi Chouko will be attending the school both as a student and as your new Quirk Counselor. After you all do a few designated exercises today, she will be compiling the information she has with the new stats that you all will be giving her today. Then, one by one, you all will be meeting her in her office for a personal consultation! From then on, we’ll continue your training and improvements based on her studies of your quirks and personalities. Do you have anything you’d like to say, Kobayashi-san?”
“Ah, yes, I do!” Kobayashi claps her hands together with a pretty smile on her face, cheeks flushed. “I really hope I can get along well with you all from here on out! So, please go get in your gym clothes and meet us on Field A! Okay~?”
#ooooookay now i need to sleep#hacker au#static writes#it took me so long to post cause i couldn't decide what chouko would wear lol
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Tumblr Ask #2
Here we go! This is the completed ask that I have been meaning to post for ages.
So, I am currently absolutely shattered (and still running on coffee with all my posts uploading on scheduled times without me), but it’s proving to be completely worth while. Due to the lack of pollutants and people at the moment, we’ve already seen a slight improvement in conditions for Arctic Wolves - hooray! But guess who gets to be stuck here typing it all up? Yeah, right now I wish I was the one in Greenland, even though Monday I definitely remember saying the opposite. So yeah, At the moment, I’m spending a lot of time writing like an academic, so, please, please, please feel free to throw as many fun tasks into my ask/message box as you like!
Anyhow, anonymous asked for stars, and didn’t specify a single one, so I’m assuming you wanted the whole block? That is what I’ve done anyhow. Enjoy learning more about me!
Stars: Experiences;
Sun: Have you ever had alcohol?
I’ve had champagne. A friend bought me the bottle for my 21st which also coincided with the completion of my dissertation. Other than that, I don’t drink alcohol. I’ve never really taken to it. I was always the person driving as well, or looking out for everyone else which didn’t bother me so… yeah. I’m not a drinker really.
Sirius: Have you ever failed a class?
Yes. I am not claiming to be perfect! I failed art at year 9 level (I still say that was because it is subjective not objective) so in the UK that technically doesn’t go on any records. On paper I have failed chemistry (just) and German. I still maintain that I had a really poor teacher (they used google translate in lessons), because I learnt Portuguese, Spanish, Arabic and Greek without any issues. I’m still working on French – I know enough, I’m just not really fluent with it.
Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster?
Yes, and they terrify the life out of me! Believe it or not, I’m not keen on planes, for all I’ve traveled and rollercoasters reminded me of the same feeling. Theme parks all in all just aren’t really me. My best friend loves them, and she loves taking me to them because I become the ‘hold my stuff and sit on that bench to wait for me’ person. It’s a good deal for me, because she pays for the outing. Chips and treats all day for one day, it’s good, better than the rollercoasters.
Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?
Yes, yes, and yes. How long do you have?
I’ve probably been out of the UK enough times already for my lifetime! At the moment I’m not planning any more journeys, but some of my past ones haven’t been expressly planned. Best to do these things whilst you’re young though right? My Grandma never traveled much and always gave me that as a piece of advice and I have definitely listened. Also, because some of them were work based trips, I got to claim expenses! Although, actually that isn’t as fun as it sounds…
Anyhow, I have been to Brazil, technically Peru and Colombia though most of that was within the Amazon Rainforest, and Venezuela. I’ve also technically stepped foot in Chile and Argentina, but not long enough (in my opinion) to really say I’ve been there, just on a stopover journey. I’ve been to New York, once. That is my limit of America – really need to get there a bit more. I’ve never been to Asia. I’ve been to quite a lot of Europe; Spain, France, Italy, Czech Republic, Prague (seriously beautiful place, go there people), Norway, to the south of the North Pole (a little village, I can’t remember the name of, but they call it the home of Santa, and it’s the closest you can get to the North Pole before you lose civilisation), and Greenland – totally recommend, lovely, lovely place – not to mention the Arctic Wolves! Seriously though, if the get the chance, travel whilst you can.
Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness?
Goodness yes. I’ve cried sometimes without even really knowing why I’m crying! I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re best to let things happen if they need to. Our bodies know more than we do at times I believe.
Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?
There’s a bit of a list here really as I’ve had the chance to see some absolutely amazing things. I would say the Northern Lights are definitely up there. Another would be toucans out in the Amazon. The people there have taken to raising a bunch of them to help them keep adapting. They’ll sit on your shoulder and eat berries out of your hand, it’s so amazing. I’ve got a photo as well, so it’s impossible to forget about it really.
Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about?
Probably the obvious one by now, but the planet and its wildlife, after all, it’s my long-term career.
Other than that, my eyesight – so that I can continue to see the wonders of the world, document and research them.
Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?
Yes. I broke my ankle when I was eighteen, and I broke my hand whilst I was in the Rainforest. Long story, very long story and the locals found it absolutely hilarious. All I’m going to say is that the children were teaching me a new game… that is all I am saying! That full story is staying in the Amazon, thank you very much!
Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret?
No actually. Not forced to. I’ve been pulled into the little games of ‘keep this secret from so and so’, but never actually anything serious.
Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend?
Yes, sadly. Jamie. Great guy. He committed suicide (which might now make more sense as to why I’m always picking out mental health references, especially towards men) whilst I was in the Rainforest last year. My friends kindly took me to the funeral via Skype – not the most formal of ways to attend a funeral, but I have a feeling Jamie would have really liked that. Still, and I know I couldn’t have changed anything, but it was the one part of my trip that made me wish I was home. Although, it was another part of my trip which made me love the community I was staying with even more. They were great and really lovely people. Before I left for the Rainforest, a lot of people were warning me about all the reports of worst case scenario events which they’d heard about, but actually being there, I found little founded truth in some of them. The majority of people I met were genuinely lovely (and they threw me a really nice birthday party as well).
Anyhow, that answer went a little off topic, so let’s move onto the last one.
Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t?
Oohh… tricky one. Um… I mean I’m sure there is something, it’s just taking me a lot of time to think of something, and so I am resorting to typing whilst I think to see if something comes to me… um… No. I’ve got nothing coming to me. You know what, if anything does, I will update this post.
#Darkestwolfx#support your fanfic authors#Writer's on tumblr#Tumblr Ask#Endangered animals#Animal conservation#mental health awareness#suicide#Space#Stars#Ask me anything#Rollercoasters#Travel#broken bones
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For the ask thing, 14 and 20? :3c
You got it!!
14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?
Oh gosh I’m blanking so hard it’s embarrassing!
uuuuh
I suppose, in an un-fic related instance it would be my dissertation on the witches of Shakespeare and how Lady Macbeth is the true witch of Shakespeare. That was like, a three month process, and don’t get me started in translating it (since my undergrad was at an international school I had to present it in both Italian and English).
Thinking back I still don’t know how I managed. I bought books, watched online lectures, library trips, heck sometimes I still think it didn’t actually happen. Even my thesis for my Masters was easier!! And for that I had to produce, write, and act in my own original short!! Not to mention write a paper!! I mean it was a great project and had a lot of fun moments collaborating with other students who went to the same school for different reasons and starting to build working partnerships for the hard and sometimes barren world of entertainment ahead. But even that was nothing to the nightmare scape of that dissertation haha
Or maybe the thesis felt easier because I wasn’t so on my own, and I knew I already survived the dissertation? Who’s to say ♡
Luckily it was all on things I already enjoyed, but goodness I was tested my pal.
20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.
Ohoho!! I think I know a snippet you’ll enjoy!! It’s still on the rough side though
From Terpsichore Ch13; this takes place after a long winded debate and back and forth between Blinky and Strickler (who is imprisoned in the Stronghold)
//
[Strickler persists in his request to speak with Jim]
“My answer is still the same.” said Blinky, with a firm set glare. “N. O. No!” and with that Blinky turned and started to march out of the stronghold.
“It won’t take long! Please!” persisted Strickler, hating the desperation in his voice.
“NO!” cried Blinky.
The changeling frowned, adjusted his grip on the bars, inhaled deeply and, much to the dismay of everyone, belted, “OOOOOOOOOH I SERVED ME TIME IN THE BLACKBALL LINE ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH~ IN THE BLACKBALL LINE I SERVED ME TIME ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
Stopped dead, and standing in front of the stronghold exit, Blinky turned. This wasn’t a tactic the troll anticipated.
“The ozzca is the impure doing now?” muttered a guard with a groan.
“THEM BLACKBALL SHIPS THEY MAKE GOOD TIME ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ WITH THE LONG CLEAN RUNS AND ENGINES FINE ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
The other prisoners in the stronghold started to groan, and rattle in their cages. Calling insults and clang their bars, adding to the mounting racket and clatter.
“THATS THE LINE WHERE YOU CAN CLIMB ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ THAT’S THE LINE WHERE I SPENT ME PRIME ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
The way the stronghold was built did not help the sound, as the voices meshed and echoed all around like a storm. The singing and noise was bound to cause headaches sooner than later, Blinky knew this, and, with a look at Strickler who refused to break eye contact with the troll, the changeling knew this too.
“JUST TAKE A TRIP TO LIVERPOOL ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ TO LIVERPOOL AT PACKET’S SCHOOL ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
Blinky narrowed his eyes at the changeling. Considering his condition, Blinky doubted Strickler could keep this up for long. The troll turned, and decidedly marched out of the stronghold.
“THEM YANKEE SAILORS YOU’LL SEE THERE ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ WITH THE RED TOP BOOTS AND SHORT CUT HAIR ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
If this was to be a match of endurance, Blinky felt confident in his chances. Even with the changeling’s singing and the stronghold noise echoing after him, Blinky would not be swayed by a tactic of annoyance.
“AROUND CAP HORN IN THE MONTH OF MAY ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ ALONG CAP HORN IS A BLOODY LONG WAY ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
A guard rushed after Blinky, getting his attention, “Sir! What are we to do? We can’t beat him to silence.”
“AROUND CAP HORN WHERE THE SKIES ALL SET ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~ AROUND CAP HORN AND WE’RE WRINGING WET ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
“Don’t! [sigh] I know that, and he knows that.” went Blinky rubbing his temples with his top set of hands. “But we can’t cave in to his wants just because of some noise.”
“But-”
“Just bare with it for now, it can’t last forever.” encouraged Blinky.
“WELL IF WE DROWN WHILE WE ARE YOUNG ~ TO ME WAY-AYE-AYE HURRAY-AH ~
The singing continued to follow Blinky down the hall. The guard regrettably turned and returned to the ruckus, muttering how it’d be easier for Blinky to endure as he wouldn’t have to be in the stronghold. And although Blinky had a point, and thirst would eventually claw at Strickler’s vocal chords, there was still a detail to consider…
“IT’S BETTER TO BE DROWNED THAN HUNG ~ HOORAH FOR THE BLACKBALL LINE”
A changeling’s endurance to achieve their goals.
//
Fun Fact! The Black Ball Line is one of the first 1800′s ship lines to run on a set shipping schedule, which is mighty handy if you’re smuggling bridge pieces from one continent to the other. That means no matter how much cargo is on a ship if it set to sail on a specific time and date, it will set sail. Before this ships would sit in the docks until their cargo hold was completely filled, which sometimes meant at the risk of other materials (like perishables) to start to go bad even before setting sail. The Black Ball Line also had a bad reputation of treating there crews roughly or poorly.
I’ve mentioned Strickler humming the shanty Hoorah for the Blackball Line before without mentioning lyrics mainly because there are so many variations to this song!!! But this version in particular is one of my favorites, mainly for the dark undertone.
#Nico Responds#Nico Writes#Terpsichore#Trollhunters#Walter Strickler#Stricklander#Strickler#Blinky#ask game#writing ask game
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You wanna find out some personal shit?
A HUGE THANK YOU to my dearest friend @december-girl06 for wanting me to answer all of these questions and spam tumblr with my boring persona and for making me feel relaxed after a hard day at uni (that’s why I’m answering so late, I’m so sorry!)
I’m mixing this with my answers to @pitoftrash - I hope you both don’t mind!
1. Any scars?
- I have several, most of them on my back and coming from a bad case of chicken pox when I was a kid.
2. Self harmed?
- Never.
3. Crush?
- Well, I had a crush on a postdoc visiting lecturer last month… and may still have it, sometimes I could feel it lurking in the deepest darkest corners of my black heart. But! He lives in another country and I really need to focus on my dissertation so I don’t have time for… feelings lol (And I don’t know how to flirt or make my feelings obvious, but shhh)
4. Kissed anyone?
- Okay, I might sound as the lamest person on Earth (which I totally am), but I’ve never kissed anyone… And nobody ever got interested in me to try and kiss me (the sad truth)
5. Coke or Pepsi?
- Team Coke all the way! Although I also drink Pepsi sometimes.
6. Someone you hate?
- Hate is such a strong word… I’d say not like. Maybe some guys from my secondary school. The Kardashians. Trump.
7. Best Friends?
- - I have some really close people in real life who mean the world to me ( @december-girl06 - you know you’re one of them, don’t you?!) On tumblr I’ve got close to @pitoftrash @crazyfreckledginger and @fleurderussie - even if we’ve talked several times I already consider you as friends (I hope I’m not too impudent)
8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
- I’ve never done drugs. Had drunk several gulps of white wine. But I love Sommersby’s cider, it does have some small amount of alcohol in it, right?
9. What’s your dream job?
- University professor in the same scientific sphere that I’m doing my PhD now (Media Discourse and Journalistic Genres). An editor in a major media sounds also awesome, why not both? Except that both jobs are overwhelming and highly demanding and occasionally, I’d need sleep 😂😂
I also have a dream of being a screenplay writer but that’s a secret.
10. Ever been in love?
- I had crushes but only that. Still waiting for that true love which is described in books and movies… Although I don’t believe much in it. Does falling in love with researching and lecturing count? Because that��s my love right now and I hope it’ll last for a life time
11. Last time you cried?
- Don’t remember exactly.
12. Favorite color?
- Black.
13. Height?
- 158 cm or 5’2 – go ahead, tell all your jokes about short people, I don’t mind.
14. Birthday?
- 29th August – soon!
15. Eye color?
- Black.
16. Hair color?
- Dark brown, though I have some light natural highlights.
17. What do you love?
- Reading, doing research on everything that comes to my mind, learning new things, watching movies, tennis, football (ok, soccer, call it whatever you like), the Olympics, pigeons, taking long walks, rock and metal music, Queen, Bo Rhap guys, Hawaii 5-0…
18. Obsession?
- Other than finishing my dissertation?! Queen, BoRhap, Hawaii 5-0, MacGyver…
19. If you had one wish, what would it be?
- That the people I love will always be happy and healthy.
20. Do you love someone?
- My mom and my friends.
21. Kiss or hug?
- Hug… I mean, I’ve never been kissed so how would I know lol
22. Nicknames people call you?
- Tsvety, Hermione, Shadow, Viking, Bluemchen…
23. Favorite song?
- They’re so many… I’d say I Want To Break Free by Queen.
24. Favorite band?
- Queen, Rammstein, Metallica.
25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?
- Being bullied at school, especially when those boys have told me that I was the ugliest person ever and I’d never be loved.
26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?
- Gaining the trust of my advisor and her letting me lecture and be responsible for over 80 students.
27. Something you would change about yourself?
- My looks and erasing my self hate problems.
28. Ever dated someone?
- Only in my head.
29. Worst mistake?
- Trusting a girl at high school and believing she was my best friend when she’s one of the most toxic people in the world.
30. Watch the movie or read the book?
- Definetly read the book first. Then eventually watch the movie (depends on the book and the movie).
31. Ever had a heartbreak?
- Not the classic type. It was only hopes being crushed.
32. Favorite show?
- BBC Sherlock. NBC Hannibal, Hawaii 5-0, MacGyver, The Originals
33. Best day of your life?
- I’d like to believe that it’s in the future.
34. Any talents?
- Does analyzing texts count? I’d like to think I’m able to find details and connections that some people don’t.
35. Do you wish you could ever start over?
- Yes.
36. Any bad habits?
- Never letting my frustrations out which often leads to stomach aches.
37. Ever had a near death experience?
- Not that I remember, no.
38. Someone I can tell anything to?
- I’m pretty close to my Mom, she’s the absolute best and we can talk about everything. My friends too.
39. Ever lost a loved one?
- Thankfully, no.
40. Do you believe in love?
- No, I’m afraid.
41. Someone you hate/Dislike?
- Dislike: several boys from elementary school, a girl from my master’s degree… The Kardashians and their clones…
42. Are you okay?
- I’m doing great actually. Well, there are some little crisis while writing my dissertation. I just sometimes panic that I don’t write fast enough, that I’m missing something, that everything I wrote is rubbish. But these are normal doubts… I guess. Otherwise, I feel very well.
43. Relationship status?
- Forever single.
44. Selfie?
- Fun fact: I’ve never made a selfie in my life! I just don’t like my looks at all. So instead have a GIF of my (imaginary) soulmate Steve McGarrett
Thank you again! 💕😘💋❤💖
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Hook-Echo (6/9)
Summary: They’re in a rut. That’s what Deputy Emma Swan tells herself over and over again as her boyfriend, Killian Jones, grows more and more distant, and more frustrated, due to complications with his dissertation research on tornado formation. But storm season’s more than halfway over and this dry spell is doing nothing to make things easier for him–or their relationship. Will everything blow over, or is there a greater storm on the horizon?
Rating: E
Content warnings: Graphic depictions of injury resulting from natural disasters, minor character death
I’m sorry. That’s all.
Thanks again to @optomisticgirl, @spartanguard, and @idoltina for all they did on this.
This is also on AO3 or FF.Net if that’s how you wanna roll.
There'd been more than a couple of times in Emma's life when she'd felt like she was preparing herself for war: her first day at the police academy, when she'd been outnumbered almost ten to one by the men; the first day of school in a new school district; every day she told her social workers about the abuse and neglect from various foster parents; the day she thought Ingrid was sending her back, only to have the whole day turned on its head when she was told about the adoption papers. She wasn't a stranger to conflict, and while her armor was a little rusty, it wasn't completely out of use.
However, she didn't like feeling like she had to prepare for war with Killian.
She'd gone to bed the night before and turned over all the usual self-pitying thoughts: what did I do? Why is he mad at me? Why didn't he call? What did I say? What, what, what. Why, why, why. She'd tossed and turned and made the sheets too hot and the pillow felt too warm to be comfortable, and when sleep finally claimed her, it was fitful and full of unsettling but ultimately forgotten dreams.
So going downstairs in the morning, she was tired, she was hurt, and she was pissed off.
"You painted," was Killian's mumbled greeting from the couch.
Emma stood in the doorway, her hands going to her hips as she tried to figure out if that remark would be the last straw or not. He lay prone on his back, one arm thrown over his face to block out the light from the windows over which she hadn't hung the curtains back up.
She didn't really feel bad about that.
"I did," she said. "Didn't really have anything else to do, what with all the last minute change of plans and all."
He sighed, heavily, and sat up with what seemed like an enormous amount of effort. He also looked like he'd been run over by a tractor, which gave her some kind of schadenfreude after how bad she'd felt for almost all of last night. "I did tell you-"
"No," she said, interrupting him. The last of her patience evaporated in that moment, gone over the last week of worrying about him and not hearing anything except for the national news, over a bad night of sleep and missing him terribly, over his fucking brother putting awful ideas into her head. "Do you know who told me you were just going to high-tail it out of here for a week or more? Your advisor. Dr. Bhavsar called me after you left to give me the head's up, because he thought you'd be too, what did he call it - forgetful about what was really important. And because I love you, I didn't say a word about it when you called me from Nebraska-"
"Kansas," Killian said quietly.
"Whatever. You were hundreds of miles away before you even thought to call me." Her eyes burned and she didn't know if she was just tired or if she was actually going to angry-cry over this. "Did you think I was going to stop you?"
"I don't know."
"Killian, I want you to be done just as much as you want to be done. You don't-"
"Do you?"
Emma blinked as he got to his feet, a hard look on his face as he stared at her. "What? Of course I do! I see how frustrated you are, how it affects us."
His hands flexed and she saw the silvery scars on his left hand standing out against pale skin. "If you really wanted me to be done, you'd take your ridiculous restrictions off of me-"
"Ridiculous? You could have died!"
He laughed without humor, holding up his hand. "But clearly I didn't, with only some scars and stiffness to prove anything happened. No, you just want to keep me coddled and tucked away, while the real professionals are out there at all hours to save lives."
Hot anger was giving way to cold rage and Emma tried to keep a handle on her temper, or else she'd say something she was going to regret. "First, if you want to save lives so much, become a first responder. We need that kind of help. Second, you don't have time to be out at all hours to save lives, because whenever you're not out chasing, Liam has you working yourself half to death at the bar."
Killian snorted. "You really think he doesn't want me to be done with this, that he'd rather I waste away at his dive bar for the rest of my life?"
"I think he's a little blind when it comes to you," she said, trying to remember what Ingrid had said. "And I think he wants to protect you, because that's what he's always done, and he can't protect you if you're out there throwing yourself into a vortex of death."
He scoffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Liam's not the one chaining me to the back porch like a dog who might run off after the slightest noise. Liam actually wants me to complete my program, to focus on what's important."
If she'd felt cold rage before, now her blood was turning to ice. "Oh right, I forgot. Liam knows what's best. Liam, who never wastes any time correcting me or talking down to me or treating me badly for no other reason than I'm dating you. Liam, who wouldn't raise a goddamn finger to help me if my car rolled over into a ditch."
"Don't you dare question what he would or wouldn't do-"
"He as good as called me a whore, Killian!" she shouted. "He calls me a whore and all you get is a slap on the wrist, because he's fucking blind when it comes to you. He just wants you to stop fucking some hussy and finish your degree, like the fact that I love you has nothing to do with it or the fact that I have no goddamn control over when the weather happens and it's fucking sucked this year! You and him are the same, you're both taking out all your anger about your fucking program on me, when I can't do a goddamn thing about any of it!"
"You could let me go!" Killian shouted, stalking up to her. Emma didn't flinch away, not now, not when she felt so cold she might actually break if he touched her. "I could have been done weeks ago if you weren't so selfish, that storm had an actual formation-"
"Selfish?" Emma asked. "Selfish? I'm selfish because you almost died? I'm selfish because I don't want to pay for your funeral?"
"Well at least one of us has the money to do it if I did die," Killian snarled, and her heart plummeted into her stomach. "You think I like living like this, waiting around and twiddling my thumbs because I can't contribute to anything? Because I'm constantly scraping to get by and paying for everything on bar tips and photos? You just went and painted our fucking house, Emma. You didn't ask, you just did it, because it was your money and you'd have the final say anyway."
"We talked about this!" she cried. "I didn't do it to throw money in your face, you know how tight our budget is anyway! We've been talking about getting rid of that stupid wallpaper, and I had nothing else to do while you were off doing fuck-all across the goddamn country, because my friends either work or are about to have a baby, and I'm not going to face your stupid brother when he's insulted me and you don't even have the balls to stand up to him for me."
His face was dark, his eyes like ice under his heavy brows. "Well I'm sorry that I'm all the entertainment you have," he said, his voice heavily layered in sarcasm. "I didn't realize I was your only plaything, seeing as how all of your friends seem to actually have their lives together. As for Liam, I did, as you say, have the balls to stand up to him - I told him to piss off about whatever we did together, that he had no right to speak to you as he did. And he reminded me that the last time I was this involved with someone, it ended badly then too."
She was trembling with rage and fear and dread, but she refused to look away from him. "Well I'm sorry you hate living here so much," she said coolly. "What with me flinging my paycheck around in your face and all, and dreading the day you don't come home because a chase went badly. If I knew that me caring about you at all was causing you so much pain, I would have told you to get out."
His eyes flashed, and in another moment he was stalking towards the door. "A fine idea that is," he snarled, grabbing his keys from the hook and slamming the front door behind him.
To her own credit, Emma managed to wait until she reached the couch, hearing the rumble of the TIV disappearing down the street, before she quite thoroughly went to pieces.
How she was able to pick herself back up, get ready for the day, and stomach any food, she didn't know. All she kept doing was replaying the fight in her mind over and over, like she was half asleep on the couch after watching a DVD and the start menu was playing on repeat again and again and she couldn't wake up enough to turn it off.
But she was awake. She couldn't turn off her brain. All she could do was kick herself for letting her temper get the better of her, for lashing out, for telling him to leave.
Remembering the look on his face as he'd left was like a dagger of ice in her heart.
"Emma?"
Graham was trying to get her attention, but Emma shook her head. "I'm fine."
He leaned against the door, arms crossed and a worried look on his face. "Sure, and I'm Bono. Just forgot me sunglasses. Did something happen?"
The word 'yes' stuck in her throat - admitting it to someone else made it real, made it not some kind of nightmare that she could shrug off and pretend never happened. So she stayed silent and just shook her head again, not even really aware of what she was writing at her desk. "Do you need to take some time off today?" he asked.
"No."
"Emma-"
"I'm fine, chief. I'll do patrol today, I need to go do something," she mumbled, and went to grab the keys to the cruiser before Philip, the usual patrolman, could.
She drove around town at random - Storybrooke wasn't that big, after all, so it's not like she had a really set area to stick to. She did have to make herself avoid Foxglove Lane - Killian would have no doubt gone back to his brother's place, and as much as she wanted to find him and try to make up with him, she also didn't know what to say to him.
Weirdly, all she really wanted to do was call him and tell him she'd had a fight with him.
Was that strange? Emma had several people she could call or go and see - Ingrid, Ruby, Mary Margaret, her cousins Anna and Elsa who lived in Missoula, any number of the people who have taken her in as their own over the years - people she could vent to and cry on their shoulders. But the only person she wanted to talk to was Killian.
Killian, who she told everything to. Killian, her best friend. Killian, who always made her feel better.
Except this time, Killian had been the one to make her feel this way.
She parked the cruiser near the edge of the road on its way out of town and watched for speeders, but this time of year and this time of day held little promise for anything interesting to happen. The fastest thing to cross her path was a squirrel, but even then it stopped a few times in its lazy hops across the road and she mentally scolded it to keep going in case a car actually went by.
She played with her phone for something to do with her hands as she watched clouds scuttle by above - puffy cumulus clouds, white and wispy at the top and carrying no sign of any rain that might wash away some of the dry dust that always seemed to settle over everything this time of year. She didn't know if she'd feel better if it was supposed to rain; at least a chance of rain might bring a chance for Killian to get another chase in, a chance to get the data he needed and be done with all of this.
Emma sighed, resting her head on her hand, her elbow propped up on the door. Even if, by some miracle, he did get everything he needed, would he still be mad at her? Would he forgive her for what she said?
Would he ask for forgiveness?
Would she even give it?
Her eyes blurred again and it stung, the skin around her eyes sore enough as it was, and she hated feeling this way. Blinking back tears, she threw the car into drive and headed for her mom's shop; it was the middle of the day, but Ingrid would put everything aside if Emma came in the way she looked right now.
Luckily, there was someone else helping at the front counter when Emma went in, the little bell above the door signaling her arrival. Ingrid smiled at first when she saw her, but the smile vanished into worry when she got a good look at her daughter's face. Without a word, Emma was bustled into the back room, the door to the front closed firmly behind them, and she fell into her mother's arms just as she started crying again.
Ingrid soothed her, drawing the story of what had happened out of her a little at a time; Emma was made to sit and given a bottle of water while she talked, and then she was given a milkshake that was made with rocky road and far more chocolate syrup mixed in than anyone was ever served out front.
She tried not to think about cliches and ice cream and things that soothed a broken heart.
They weren't broken up, they were just...
Broken.
"Oh my sweet girl, I'm so sorry," Ingrid said, holding her again and stroking her hair.
Emma leaned against her; her entire face hurt from crying so much in one day, how was that even possible? "I don't know what to do," she mumbled.
"You don't need to do anything right now. You both need space and distance from it before you can do anything rational."
"All I want to do is call him and tell him about it," Emma whispered. "Like when he's gone, we'll call and talk about our day, and all I want to do is be like 'hey, so I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend and it sucks' and talk it out with him, but he's the one I got into a fight with and he knows."
"I know, sweetheart."
"And he just looked so mad. He was so mad at me and I don't even know why."
Ingrid paused in her gentle ministrations for a moment. "I think he was mad about a lot of things and it just came out wrong. Same as you."
She thought back to that morning, wondering what the final straw would be, and thought maybe Ingrid was right. "I'm just... I'm just tired, Mom. I'm tired of missing him all the time when he's right there, I'm tired of feeling like it's my fault he's not done yet, I'm tired of feeling like I'm always putting him first and not getting anything in return. And I'm tired of Liam."
She felt Ingrid sigh more than she heard it. "I don't know what to tell you about Liam, other than you can pick who you love but you can't pick who they're related to. As for the rest... I can't fix any of it for you and I wish that I could. I'd like nothing more than to march over there and shake that boy until his teeth fell out for treating you so badly."
An immediate protest lept to the tip of her tongue - that Killian didn't treat her badly - but she stopped to consider her mother's words. If she were in someone else's shoes, looking at this, would she think the same way?
She was taught in school to look at a case from all the different angles, to try and distance herself from anything that might make her biased. She tried that now, looking over things as her mother might see it, as Ruby might see it.
They'd had their slips and rough spots before, but nothing that any normal couple hadn't faced. They'd talked and made up and compromised and worked together to make things better. And that had held true until the last several weeks.
Over the winter, as they'd gotten settled into the house, Killian had talked eagerly about the coming spring. He'd anticipated a wet spring with plenty of tornadic activity, his grant from the university to be renewed to continue chasing outside of the state, finishing his research and starting work on finalizing his dissertation. "This is it," he'd said one night as they lay together under the blankets of their bed. It wasn't even a proper bed at that point, they just had the mattress on the floor while they waited for the bedframe to be delivered. "This will be the last spring I'll need to finish everything, and then I'll be done. This is the start of something wonderful in our lives, Swan, I can feel it."
"There's probably something poetic in there about spring and new beginnings and whatever," she'd teased, her foot hooking around his calf and bringing his leg between hers.
"Probably and whatever," he'd agreed, and he'd kissed her, the sex that night giddy and full of hope.
But one wrong thing after another - the grant fell through, a dry spring, another delay on his work - and the stress started to grate on him. She understood and they'd still worked together to make do with what they could, but there was only so much she could do to support him, and she thought he'd understood that.
But maybe he did? "It's been a rough couple of months for him," Emma said finally. "I think it's like you said - he's mad about a lot of things and it came out wrong."
She wasn't angry anymore, not after spilling the whole story. She was hurting, yes - God, her chest ached and she missed him and she just wanted to sit down and talk with him. And she was hurt over some of the things he'd said, and she felt guilty about what she'd said in return, both of them spitting daggers before realizing they weren't actually mad at each other - they were just angry at the world and the things they had no control over and the final straw hadn't just broken the camel's back, it had caused the whole camel to shatter under pressure.
Okay, maybe she was a little mad at him about some things. Like he could have called. And he could do more to stick up for her to Liam.
But neither of those things were worth destroying everything they'd built together.
Ingrid pulled away, getting a paper towel and wetting it before coming to kneel in front of her, dabbing gently at Emma's cheeks. "I know you, sweetheart; you've already forgiven him, haven't you?" she asked softly, wiping away what was probably the worst raccoon eyes Emma had ever had in her life.
"No," she said, surprising herself. "But I'm open to the idea, if we talk first."
Ingrid smiled. "Look at you. You've grown so much in all the time I've known you."
Emma pushed herself off the chair and threw her arms around Ingrid's neck. "Thank you," she whispered. Not for today, though that helped; no, her mom knew what she'd been like for years, she'd commented on it just last week. Emma came to her a broken girl, hardened by the world, and it had taken a lot of patience and a lot of love from this woman to make her able to even consider having this kind of conversation with Killian in the future. "For everything, Mom."
She told herself she was imagining the little sniffle she heard, but she knew it was a lie as Ingrid's arms came around her and held her tight. "You're very welcome, my darling girl."
Three years ago…
To his credit, Graham did not, in fact, laugh her out of his office when she broached the subject of going out with Killian, but the look on his face said that he dearly wanted to. Emma would have been offended, except that she knew she was being overly cautious and ridiculous and, if she was being honest with herself, a little bit classically-Emma in trying to find a way out of entangling herself with another person romantically. Which was also why it had taken her two weeks to gather the courage to even ask in the first place. So instead of laughing at her (chuckling didn't count), she and Graham wound up having a very interesting discussion about how cops and criminals walked very fine lines around each other, how easy it was to befriend someone on the other side as long as they kept business out of it, and how this could easily wind up with cops turning dirty.
Most importantly, he told her that a simple spot check did not a criminal make, and if she really wanted to go on a date with Killian, she was allowed to.
"Now, if it turns out you break my bartender's heart, I might have a thing or two to say about that, but-" This time Graham did laugh as Emma reached across the desk to swat at him, her cheeks burning red.
"One dinner doesn't make or break anything," she huffed, sitting back down and avoiding looking at him.
He sounded odd as he responded, "One dinner can make or break anything, Emma."
She glanced up and was struck by the wistful look on his face; his gaze wasn't directed at her, instead looking off towards something she couldn't see. "Graham?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing. I think we've spent enough of the morning gabbing, let's get on with the business of the day."
By the time she got home, had dinner with Ingrid, and got up to her room, Emma had mostly forgotten the conversation she'd had with Graham that morning. She showered and got into her pajamas; it was early for bed, but she was just tired of wearing real pants and a bra. She was halfway through an episode of the show she was binging on Netflix before she remembered.
Hey. You busy?
She didn't think that blurting it out without knowing he could respond would help the cloud of butterflies that had erupted in her stomach. If he was working and it was a busy night at the bar, she didn't want to tell him and then sit there waiting and wondering and maybe he'd decided it wasn't worth it and he wasn't interested anymore and she wasn't worth it or -
Her phone buzzed. Got some time. How goes, Swan?
Emma swallowed, her mouth suddenly very dry. Okay. You?
Keeping busy.
Cool.
A pause.
So I talked to Graham.
Another pause.
He said it's ok. He didn't laugh at me, but he wanted to.
Still no response.
For the dinner or whatever you'd asked me about.
Another minute ticked by.
My answer is yes, if it wasn't clear.
More silence.
I know I'm ridiculous, by the way.
Now when there wasn't a response she started to get worried. No, it wasn't worry, it was outright nausea. Emma fought the urge to just throw her phone across the room and ignore it and keep watching her show, and now she'd missed like ten minutes of the plot and she had no idea what was going on and -
Bloody hell, sorry, Liam has the worst timing. As do I, apparently. I'm very glad to hear you want to go to dinner and that there are no restrictions on it. And I will take you to a proper dinner, but it's going to have to wait a few weeks.
What happened?
I'm leaving tomorrow on a chase, I'll be gone at least a week. Maybe more, if another system crops up. My grant got approved so I have time/money to get more research done before the opportunities drop off.
Her stomach was now somewhere under her bed. Now Emma wanted to throw her phone across the room for another reason, mostly so she could pretend this conversation had never happened and she could ignore reality for a while. Oh, she typed back, not sure what else to say.
She set her phone aside and skipped back a bit on her show to pick up where she'd missed things, but as she settled back down on her bed, her heart wasn't really in it. She curled up with her pillow and tried not to beat herself up about it; if she'd talked to Graham earlier, if she'd just ignored her worries and said yes like she'd wanted to, maybe they wouldn't have to wait - or maybe it wouldn't feel like some kind of contrived excuse for blowing her off. Maybe she really had waited too long. After all, she hadn't gone to the bar since he'd asked her out, not wanting to give him hope or give him the chance to talk about it when she hadn't actually checked to make sure it was okay. So really, there were plenty of reasons why he may have changed his mind, thought it wasn't worth waiting around for her.
Her phone buzzed on the bed - not a text tone, but an incoming call.
Emma's brow furrowed as she picked it up. "Killian?"
"Love, I am not doing this over texts, it's far too easy to misunderstand intent. Please don't take this as an excuse, it's not. This is the first good system I've had a chance to chase in weeks, and the opportunity exists for more. I need to get more research in this season or else I get another delay on my dissertation and graduation. I very much would like to take you out this weekend, but unless you can spring for a surprise week vacation and prefer eating at whatever fast food establishment I can find in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming, I'm afraid we have to wait."
She reached over and paused her show; if she'd heard him right, he somehow had gotten into her head in the last ten minutes. "How the hell did you know that's what I was thinking?" she asked.
"You're something of an open book, Swan."
Emma made a face. "Not something a cop likes to hear."
"Well, maybe your tough policewoman act works better on the seedy underbelly of Storybrooke, but not on me."
She had to laugh at his phrasing and his half-smug, half-provocative tone. "Don't forget, I had to make sure you didn't count as one of those seedy underbelly people."
"Ah, but who's to say I'm not? Maybe you just haven't found that side of me yet. Please, though, just inform me beforehand if you have to do a strip search so I'll be sure to have on clean boxers."
Emma snorted and covered her face. He really was ridiculous. "Didn't picture you as a boxers guy," she said.
"What, picturing me as more of a Calvin Klein man?"
She bit her lip at the image that brought to mind. They'd definitely be an improvement over the tighty-whities she'd seen him in that first time. Still, she'd gone there and she was only giving as good as she got. "Actually, I pictured you as more of a commando kind of guy."
There was an odd noise on the other end, and then it sounded like he dropped the phone altogether. Emma blinked. "Killian?"
"Uh - yeah," he said, his voice sounding oddly high, then he cleared his throat. He stumbled over the start of another sentence and she raised an eyebrow, her amusement growing at how flustered he sounded. Giving him a taste of his own medicine seemed to be working out amazingly. "So - dinner. As soon as it can be managed. Two weeks?"
She settled back against her pillows. It was a bummer that they couldn't get together before then, but at least she wasn't feeling as low about it as she did before. "Are you going to be back by then?"
"Swan, after what you just told me, I'll put some damned wings on the TIV if I need to."
Emma laughed, her stomach resettling in her abdomen and the leaden feeling leaving her as he charmed and flirted her bad mood away.
They kept in touch over text when they could over the next week or so. He didn't have good signal that often and she was often out on patrol for work, so sometimes an hour or more would pass between exchanges.
So, tell me more about how I go commando?
That one came just after she'd gotten into the patrol car to start her morning shift. She replied after she parked on the edge of town to watch for speeders.
Says the guy who made his first impression in some tighty-whities.
Nothing came until she got to the school to help with the pre-school year safety checks.
Intimate details, Swan, I want intimate details.
Unfortunately for him, she had to let him sweat it out while going over the new safety rules and school safety officer schedules with the district's principals and superintendent. After that came a long discussion on how to handle the sports schedules and the station's plans for the football season, and she only managed to reply just as her shift was ending.
Imagine, I could be telling you those intimate details in person if we were on a date right now.
In fact, since telling him in jest, she'd definitely had a few thoughts about the matter and could probably offer a few intimate details. But given the circumstances, and his interesting reaction to the comment in the first place, she wanted to see what he'd do if she actually did tell him in person.
His reply to that came as she was getting into bed that night, and it made her smile wryly.
You know how to cut a man deep, love.
She kept glancing at the clock, her leg bouncing so much that it was causing the pens and miscellaneous knick-knacks covering her desk to rattle around. Ruby kept giving her a Look whenever she happened to walk by and hear the minor racket she was causing, and one of the deputies, Arthur, had complained about noise earlier until Graham had told him to shut it. Arthur had continued to grumble under his breath, just loud enough for Emma to hear, but Graham had to threaten to send him out on patrol duty unless he knocked it off.
No one really liked either of Graham's deputies, but Arthur was easily the most disliked.
Towards the end of the day, Graham sauntered over and perched on the edge of her desk, his added weight offsetting the relentless bounce of her leg and quieting the rattling. "Officer Swan, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were nervous."
"Shut up," she said, finishing up a report.
"Is that how you talk to your boss?"
"Shut up, sir."
He laughed, then pretended to think. "Now, why is it that you might be nervous? Do you by chance have something important happening tonight? A date, maybe?"
Emma glared up at him. Sometimes it was hard for her to balance the two sides of him that she knew: Chief Humbert was a sensible man, good-natured, but able to make you jump to attention with a single look. Graham, meanwhile, could be sillier than a basket of puppies and she'd been in a field of wildflowers with more sense than he had in his head. And God help her when the two occasionally mixed. "Did you need something, sir?" she asked pointedly.
"Nothing really, just checking to make sure you have the permission slip I gave you for your excursion tonight."
She groaned, dropping her head down on the desk between her arms. "God, shut up."
He chuckled somewhere above her. "You have to admit, Emma, it was a bit ridiculous."
"Like you didn't make any stupid mistakes when you were a rookie," she grumbled. She sat up and finished saving her report, moving the file to the shared drive and shutting down her computer. "I'm out for the evening."
Graham moved in her way before she could leave. "Seriously, though, have a good time," he said. "You deserve a bit of happiness, Emma, and I think he could do you a world of good in that regard."
She felt her face heat up; she never would have expected something like that to come from her boss. From Mary Margaret, sure, or even her mother, but Graham? "I - thanks," she said, her tongue feeling thick and clumsy over the word.
He let her pass and she went out to her car, still silently shaking her head over the exchange.
As she got ready, she kept second-guessing every single one of her decisions: did she really need to go out and buy this pink dress? Did it make her look too girly? Her hair - she'd curled it and then decided she wanted to wear it up, but would he like her hair in a ponytail like that? Should she go for false lashes? Did she really want to wear those shoes? Would they make her taller than him - come to think of it, there weren't many times when she'd seen him not behind the bar, and she couldn't remember how much taller he really was.
At some point she sat down on her bed in disgust and wondered if it was too late to call the whole thing off.
Then she remembered how she'd felt when he'd had to postpone everything, and thought better of it.
But the whole effort was worth it when she went to answer the door and his mouth fell open at the sight of her. "You look stunning, Swan," Killian said.
Emma's eyebrows rose as she took in the sight of him; she'd never seen him outside of a Pour House t-shirt and some worn out jeans - the first time in his underwear didn't count - so this well-dressed Killian was a treat in and of itself: tight black jeans, short-sleeved button-down shirt that brought out the color of his eyes, black vest. "You… look…"
He shrugged, an easy grin on his face. "I know." He pulled one hand from behind his back and offered her a single red rose. Emma took it, her face warm; she couldn't remember the last time, if ever, anyone had bought her flowers. "Shall we?" he asked, offering his arm.
Emma grabbed her purse and locked up behind them; Ingrid was working that night, after being sworn not to make a big deal about one date. She took his offered arm and he walked her down to a car she knew wasn't his; he'd told her about how he'd turned his truck into the TIV and hadn't bothered getting a second car.. "Liam's," Killian said, opening the door for her. "Only indulgence he allows himself, this old muscle car."
She knew nothing about cars past how to keep her vintage Bug in working order, so she just made what she hoped was an appreciative noise as she slid in and he closed the door behind her.
They were both oddly quiet on the drive to the restaurant; Emma fiddled with the hem of her dress, caught between wanting to talk and feeling like she had nothing interesting to say. Killian didn't seem too perturbed by it, opening the door for her and leading her in without pressing her about it; he'd made a reservation and they were seated almost immediately, and he even pulled her chair out for her. "Such a gentleman," she said finally, grateful for something to say.
"I'm always a gentleman," he told her, sitting across from her with a wink.
"I've seen you toss out disruptive patrons; the look on your face could hardly be described as 'gentlemanly'."
"Aye, well, ensuring the continued atmosphere and content of my patrons certainly is."
"Always worried about the atmosphere."
She wasn't sure at all how he managed to grin at her in such a pleased yet sultry way, but he managed to make it work, and from there the evening continued without any of the earlier awkwardness.
They decided to take a walk after dinner, continuing their conversation from dinner about her career plans, her hand grasped firmly in his. Privately, Emma thought they were just looking for an excuse to continue their time together, but waiting for some of the wine they'd had over dinner to work its way out of their system was as good an excuse as any. They meandered through the downtown area before slipping onto some of the side streets, the late-summer cicadas providing a soundtrack to their talk as it shifted to books. She wasn't as much of a reader as she used to be - she just didn't have the time - but she was able to hold her own when he started talking older books.
And she trounced him in Harry Potter trivia, which she delighted in teasing him about.
"I did move here when I was quite young, you know," he grumbled as they turned a corner.
"Doesn't matter, it was a global thing. You should at least know your House."
The street they'd turned down was less inhabited, or at least most of the houses on the block looked dark; after all the patrols she'd done and all the calls she'd gone on through town, she knew the area fairly well - retirees, empty nesters, no one who really went out past nine if they didn't have to. So when Killian turned her and pressed her back up against a tree, Emma felt quite reasonably assured that no one would be peeping on them at this point. She wet her lips, her heart racing as she looked up at his face - too close to hers to be thinking about doing anything other than what she hoped he was thinking - and in the dim light she saw his eyes flick down to her lips briefly before looking at her again. "You're kind of a geek, Swan," he told her softly.
"Says the giant science nerd who built a giant armored science tank."
"Then I'd say it takes one to know one," he breathed, his lips brushing hers, and a moment later he was kissing her fully.
She'd been kissed before. She'd had kisses that made her weak in the knees, kisses that stole her breath, kisses that made her forget her name. But never, before now, a kiss that did all three and then some. His hands came up to cup her face, his palms rough on her cheeks. She shivered as they moved down her neck, skimming her shoulders and down her arms. His lips were as gentle as his touch, dipping in once, twice, three times at different angles and with varying degrees of pressure. His hands settled on her hips and she felt intensely aware of every point where their bodies touched, but none more so than the feeling of his tongue tentatively tracing the seam of her lips.
She opened for him, eager for more; her arms went up around his neck and she groaned into his mouth as his tongue slid against hers. Her fingers slid through his silky hair and she was filled with the urge to grab on tight and use it as leverage to take this to the next level. She felt drunk, her skin tingling at every touch, dizzy and muddled and like she could do anything as long as he just kept kissing her.
She rose up on her toes, pushing off the tree, and he stumbled backwards a little; his hands slipped, her skirt bunching up, and she whimpered at the feeling of his fingers on her thighs. He made a questioning noise and she sighed an assent and her pulse quickened when he let the fabric slide over the hands that rose up to tease the edges of her lacy panties.
She actually squirmed when the tip of one finger caught under the edge and traced the line of her panties back and forth. There was a fire building between her legs and he was only stoking it higher and higher and she was definitely, definitely going to have to do something about this if he kept going -
A dog started barking down the street, distant enough that they weren't the cause but still close enough to make them jerk apart. Absurdly, she felt cold as soon as Killian stepped away from her, despite the warmth of the evening and how flushed she felt. "We should - we should head back," he said and she really, really liked how thoroughly wrecked he sounded.
He held out his hand and she took it, following him on legs that felt far too wobbly for some kissing and light petting. "I might not make it that far," Emma admitted sheepishly.
He just smiled at her. "I'll carry you if I have to."
But they made it back to the restaurant without having to resort to that, though she did entertain quite a few thoughts about how that might feel, and he drove her home without further incident. No driving down to the outskirts of town to go parking. Or kissing. Or hands where they shouldn't be.
Which was really disappointing.
He did insist on walking her to her door, though, and Emma claimed another kiss from him. This one was more chaste, with his fingers entwined with hers and her foot popping up precariously from sheer bliss. "Will you go out with me again?" Killian asked hoarsely, his nose brushing against hers and the question spoken against her lips.
She kissed him again instead of answering, squeezing their fingers together. "Text me."
Emma half expected her mother to turn on the porch light, they stood there so long lingering in each other's spaces, but Killian was the first to break, taking a reluctant step back. She moved to unlock the door, knowing if she didn't move now, she never would. "Good night, Killian," she whispered.
"Good night," she heard him reply, and then she slipped inside, closing the door behind her and leaning against it with a happy, yet a little overwhelmed sigh.
She was so, so fucked.
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Mistakes Novice Writers Make - Day 5 Writing and Prose
Hi guys, and welcome back to our last day of common mistakes that novice writers make. Today we’re gonna talk about general writing mistakes and problems with prose.
The biggest thing that novice writers are guilty of is trying too hard. They might feel like their plain, everyday way of talking and writing isn’t good enough, isn’t clever enough or isn’t literary enough.
And so, they will try to be something they are not. This almost always shows to the reader and makes the writer look like an amateur.
A lack of clear and concise prose will turn off all but the hardiest of readers. Writing styles, much like language evolve over time. The days of big words and flouncy, poetic prose went out with Dickens. And while it’s nice to go back and read them sometimes, they are very much of their time and not to most modern tastes.
That’s not to say there is anything wrong with this style of writing, it has its place and can still be used today if it’s done right, but it’s a skill that takes practice and more practice to get it right. Often if you are writing a book in the style of someone else, you can market it as such and that’s fine, your readers will know exactly what they are buying, but for a modern, contemporary novel, it doesn’t work at all.
Not matching your writing style to the type of book you are writing. For example, if you have a rather old-fashioned style, with very proper sentence construction and a love of bigger words, you might be better suited to a historical novel where it will work better. Older writers who attended school in a different era tend to find this works for them. An historical novel doesn’t have to be set hundreds of years ago, it just has to be a time that is not now. So, if you grew up in the 60’s, were taught in those times and still have those kind of speech patterns to your writing, then maybe think about doing a novel set during that time period, where your langue and style will be able to flow and work to its full potential.
If you have a more modern style, then set your novel in modern times that reflect it. it would really jar with your readers if you used modern langue in a novel set in the 1940’s for example.
On the subject of historicals, let me add in a little warning about another problem that was brought up by another writer is asked about common mistakes. And that is lack of research.
Armature writers often get too caught up in the story and have an overly romanticised view of the time period they are writing about.
I’m a member of a few active writing forums and one observation someone made was how they were having to re-write almost all of their novel because their editor had said they had overly romantic, TV drama style descriptions. And because of this they had now learnt that the streets of 1850’s New Orleans would have been covered in horse shit as well as human waste, people would be pissing on the street without a care in the world, it was filthy, it stank and was not really a nice place to be.
Trying to write a book when all you know about the area or time period has come from Movies or TV shows will scream novice and showcase your lac of effort. Research is your friend.
This doesn’t just mean in the physical descriptions of the area itself, but includes the dialogue they would have used, the accents and slang words they would have used, the legal system of the time, how the country worked, and basically researching all aspects of the book, not just the obvious.
Another prose problem would be making your writing overly complex, again this is related to the type of book that you are writing.
Going into massive details about how a computer works and how they are built is fine if you are writing an article for a computer magazine, but not in a novel or gods forbid, a short story. Readers will have a hard time following it and will likely skip ahead or give up on the story entirely. It’s the same with science or physics, keep things as basic as you can while still giving the information that is needed. Don’t treat your reader like they are stupid and need to be spoon fed the ABC, but also keep the large, complicated scientific explanations in their place such as magazines, academic journals and dissertations.
Choppy prose is another example of amateurish writing. Choppy prose can make your writing feel disjoined, like it lacks flow (because it does) and construction.
While this will work in small does, for an action scene or a scary scene, too much will make it feel like a race, exhausting your reader and making it harder to read.
There are a number of culprits that result in choppy prose, the most common two being fragmented or run on style sentences.
Run on writing is when two or more scene points are joined without proper conjunction- like the use of and, but, or type of words- or without punctuation. It has an almost hurried pace and that isn’t always the pace you are trying to create. For example:
“Mona arrived at the bank only 3 minutes late she ran up the steps she banged on the door screamed at the people still inside she had to get inside to talk to them.”
Fragmented writing seems incomplete, lacking a real purpose, flow or structure. It can make the writer look uneducated, it can read in a really confusing way and give an image you don’t want. For example:
“Mona gave up and stopped. Cried. What would happen now? Ruined. All was ruined. She sat down on the steps. Because her legs gave out. maybe someone would help her? The next bank. Take pity on her.”
That was actually hard for me to write, because it goes against almost everything I know as a writer. But you’d be surprise how often I see it while beta reading, in online stories or in independently published books.
See how badly those examples read? But don’t despair, because both can be fixed with a little practice and work. Separate your run-on sentences with correct clauses, or into sentences of their own, adding more details when needed. Smooth out your fragmented writing with proper punctuation and build them into full sentences.
Here is an example of how to fix some of the structural problems.
“Mona missed the bank by 3 minutes, finding the doors locked. Desperate, she banged on the door, calling to the people inside to let her in. She needed to talk to them, to fix it. they ignored her, deaf to her yells. Giving up she stopped, bursting into tears as the reality of the situation hit home. Ruined, it was all ruined.
Her legs felt wobbly, incapable of holding her up and she sat down heavily on the steps before she fell down. Maybe someone else would help her, maybe another bank would take pity on her? she couldn’t give up now.”
That flows so much better, it explains the situation in brief detail and shows her mood, but also her determination to keep trying.
Check your word choices. Nothing screams amateur more than writing the wrong word or spelling.
Here is a brief example of this, I’ll give you a moment to read it. (show purple picture.)
Using the wrong word choice can make you look uneducated, like you are trying too hard and using words you don’t understand in an effort to look clever. When in fact it has the opposite effect.
If you are using a word that has more than one meaning, check its definition, check the spelling and make sure you are using it in the correct way. For example: bare and bear One, spelt BARE- means that something is naked, not covered, to bare all, or to be bare, something that is basic, the bare essential, without decoration or fancy features. Bear spelt BEAR has more than one meaning, it means a bear as in the animal that lives in the woods and likes to steal picnic baskets, other meanings include not being able to bear something, its unbearable, I cannot bear it. you can also bear something, as in, he was bearing a tray of snacks.
The same goes for any words that you do not use or hear in everyday conversation, check them, because you can quite easily misunderstand the meaning of a word or misspell it to turn it into something it shouldn’t be. If you are wanting to use a word that you have never checked before, check it. A thirty second google could be the difference between looking educated or stupid.
So many people think they know the meaning of a word only to confuse it with another that sounds very similar, for example, Synonym buns, and cinnamon buns. Most definitely not the same thing, and yes, I’ve seen this one on the internet, it’s a real thing.
Another thing to always check is a common saying. By that I mean when someone thinks they know what a common saying is, but they actually misheard it themselves and now just keep saying it wrong. One example I’ve seen of this is someone that wished everyone could just “barry the hatchet” I don’t know who barry is or why he’s a hatchet or what they are trying to do with him.
All of these little slip ups are sure fire ways of making yourself look bad when they turn up in your writing work.
If I read a comment or post by someone that uses the wrong words while trying to look clever, usually when someone is ranting or trying to make an offensive point, I will notice it, I can’t help it. and much as I would love to say that I don’t judge them, lets be real here, I do. I do judge, because I believe in education, and in continuing to educate yourself, to better yourself, for as long as you have left on this planet. By not looking up the correct words, using tools like spell check or even bothering to use the right spelling for a word, well that’s often just laziness in my eyes. Harsh but true. I can’t take someone seriously if they are trying to make a point when they write like that. And if I saw that in a novel, it would likely make me stop reading. If you want to be taken seriously with your writing you have to start taking it seriously yourself, and that means lots of time and effort.
Bad use of punctuation, or the complete lack of it, is also something that many will judge you on. It can also throw off the whole rhythm and flow of your writing. I’m not going to go deep into this as I’m planning to do a video on this subject. But what I will say now as a quick tip is to either read your work out loud or better yet, get a reading app to do it for you if you have trouble with knowing how punctuation works within your work. The difference between a full stop and a comma is huge, but many treat them as the same thing, almost interchangeable, but the misuse of them will change the whole structure of your sentence.
Repetitive words are another thing that novice writers may do. Now I’m not saying that you need to pull a Joey and use a thesaurus for every word you use, but you can mix it up a bit.
If you are describing something and you will need to make a point more than once, try to find a different descriptive word to use. I have a personal rule of never using the same descriptive word twice for the same thing in the same paragraph.
Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, some things you can’t branch out on without looking like you are trying too hard.
A book is a book, sure technically you could say novel, opus, tome, volume, paper back etc, they all mean the same thing, but it would get pretty ridiculous if you used them all. In this case I would describe the book itself, “A paperback romance sat on the bedside table,” and then just refer to it as the book after that. “She picked up the book, studying the cover,” “she flicked through the book, starting to read at random,” “She threw the book at his head.” That is an example of keeping things simple.
When not to use repetitive words would be when describing something important, like a baby. You could use new-born, the baby, his son, her child, the infant, etc.
Picture the scene, there had just been a traumatic birth and now the baby is safely here and it’s the aftermath or even during the birth itself, just saying the baby all the time would become boring and repetitive.
If something is important it needs to be kept at the forefront of the action and that means that it needs more than one descriptive word.
Another example of this would be action words or ‘doing’ words if you prefer to call them that.
Here’s an example of one descriptive word getting overused and boring. “The crystals were placed in a circle, their pattern very specific, with a candle placed in the centre. Next, she took out a shell and placed that in the west of the circle, then came an incense cone which she placed in the east.”
Placed, placed, placed all the same descriptive word. Other words could and probably should be used to keep the writing feeling fresh.
“The crystals were arranged in a circle, their pattern looking to be very specific, a candle was then placed in the centre (our first and only placed) next she took out a shall, laying it carefully in the west of the circle and an incense cone in the east.”
Different words make the writing more interesting.
Another problem which I will just touch on as I did a bit about this in one of the previous videos and I plan on doing a more in-depth talk on them in the future, is POV, i.e. 1st, 2nd or 3rd person writing. Books are almost always in either 1st or 3rd person POV, 2nd is mostly ignored and unused, personally I hate that point of view.
Most novice writers fall into writing 1st person because they find it easier to relate to the character and to tell the story, but this can come with problems. It can be harder to create a more complex storyline as you are limited as to what information you can give and what you can show to the reader due to how much you character will actually know, see and experience.
You will often end up in the realm of telling instead of showing as a way of explaining, which isn’t that great.
Another problem can be lack of character voice as you might not have had time to develop your authors voice and style, therefore all your characters run the risk of sounding the same.
Lastly your characters can come off as whining, self-centred and a bit dumb as it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of too much information feeding.
As always everything with writing is takes time and practice. Read lots of tips, keep watching videos like this and keep writing.
Upcoming videos include dialogue, exploring the various POV’s in depth, how to edit your work and more talk on romance novels.
Until then, blessed be and happy writing.
#willowsalixauthor#paranormalromance#witch#bookseries#books#vampires#writer#writingcommunity#writing time#writingtips#writing#how to write#how to make it
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Week 10 Day 4
I successfully arranged my oral exam on Week 11 Day 2. On Week 8 Day 3, I also met Prof S and realized that I need to work/present additional results. I, fortunately, found a major mistake in my article and corrected it.
Unfortunately, I still need a dissertation committee before advancing to a PhD candidate. In fact, I was worried about this issue for a whole week 9 (i.e. not producing any results in Week 9). But I tell myself 1) I am having a break in Week 9; 2) I accomplish things one at a time and I will think about that committee after my oral exam. In fact, I am prepared to pay Fall quarter tuition fees out of my own pocket. I love doing research, but I don't like the unprofessional behaviors in managing graduate students.
I don't know why I unconsciously text Rach again. Still want to be friends with her?! Crazy!
I watch So Fia's diary of a cancer patient. I cried for a minute at 3am this morning. I have what she didn't own! I have a choice to spend my day worrying about having a bad advisor or cherish every minute of that day and stay happy doing things I like. I force myself to choose the latter.
In fact, I feel exhilarated to discover a Flat Iron Steak at my local grocery store, experience cooking it, and learning the history behind it. I didn't know eaters need to DISCOVER steak!
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John McAfee, the outlandish security software pioneer who tried to live life as a hedonistic outsider while running from a host of legal troubles, was found dead in his jail cell near Barcelona on Wednesday.
His death came just hours after a Spanish court announced that it had approved his extradition to the United States to face tax charges punishable by decades in prison, authorities said.
McAfee, who was among other things a cryptocurrency promoter, tax opponent, US presidential candidate and fugitive, who publicly embraced drugs, guns and sex, had a history of legal woes spanning from Tennessee to Central America to the Caribbean. In 2012, he was sought for questioning in connection with the murder of his neighbor in Belize, but was never charged with a crime.
McAfee’s body was discovered at the Brians 2 penitentiary in northeastern Spain. Security personnel tried to revive him, but the jail’s medical team finally certified his death, a statement from the regional Catalan government said.
“A judicial delegation has arrived to investigate the causes of death,” the statement read. “Everything points to death by suicide.”
McAfee’s death was confirmed after Spain’s National Court ruled in favor of extraditing McAfee, 75, who had argued in a hearing earlier this month that the charges against him by prosecutors in Tennessee were politically motivated and that he would spend the rest of his life in prison if returned to the US.
The court’s ruling was made public on Wednesday and was open for appeal, with any final extradition order also needing to get approval from the Spanish Cabinet.
McAfee was arrested last October at Barcelona’s international airport and had been in jail since then awaiting the outcome of extradition proceedings. The arrest followed charges the same month in Tennessee for evading taxes after failing to report income from promoting cryptocurrencies while he did consulting work, made speaking engagements and sold the rights to his life story for a documentary. The criminal charges carried a prison sentence of up to 30 years.
Nishay Sanan, the Chicago-based attorney defending him on those cases, said by phone that McAfee “will always be remembered as a fighter.”
“He tried to love this country but the US government made his existence impossible,” Sanan said. “They tried to erase him, but they failed.”
Born in England’s Gloucestershire in 1945 as John David McAfee, he moved to Virginia as a child and grew up troubled, with a father who “beat him mercilessly” and killed himself with McAfee’s shotgun when the boy was 15, said Steve Morgan, who spent time with McAfee in Alabama in 2016 to talk about his life for a biography he’d been contracted to write. Morgan is also the founder of market research firm Cybersecurity Ventures.
“He told me his father never showed him an ounce of affection,” Morgan said, adding that recounting his father’s death was the only time during their long meeting that McAfee cried.
While McAfee’s tech legacy may have been overshadowed in recent years by his tumultuous life, Morgan said he sees his most lasting impact as a software and security pioneer.
“I think that’s how ultimately he really most like to be remembered. I think a lot of people will remember him as a very troubled soul. Some people will remember him as a criminal. It depends on your age and your exposure to him,” Morgan said.
McAfee founded his eponymous company in 1987. At the time, Morgan said, he was operating a BBS, a bulletin board system that served as a precursor to the World Wide Web and working with his brother-in-law. When the first major computer virus, called “Brain,” hit in 1986, “John instantly dialed up a programmer he knew and said, there’s a big opportunity. We need to do something. You know, we want to write some code to combat this virus,” Morgan said. He called the program VirusScan and the company McAfee Associates.
“He was a true pioneer, not just as a security technologist but as one of the first companies to distribute software over the internet,” Morgan said.
California chipmaker Intel, which bought McAfee’s company in 2011 for $7.68 billion, for a time sought to dissociate the brand from its controversial founder by folding it into its larger cybersecurity division. But the rebranding was short-lived, and Intel in 2016 spun out the cybersecurity unit into a new company called McAfee.
In the software industry, McAfee’s claim to fame was that he offered the first all-in-one virus scanner, said Vesselin Bontchev, a Bulgarian computer scientist and an early antivirus researcher. Prior to that, said Bontchev, researchers would only scan for one virus at a time. But there were only about a dozen computer viruses back then.
“Technologically, as a scanner, it wasn’t anything outstanding. It was just the general idea that was good. Not the implementation,” said Bontchev, a senior researcher at the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences.
Bontchev said McAfee was “a peculiar guy,” even back then. He said he wrote McAfee asking for a part-time job about the time the Soviet Union was breaking up so he could work on a post-doctoral dissertation in the US.
In response, McAfee told Bontchev in a letter that the Bulgarian was believed to be a Soviet agent so “they cannot work with me,” he said. “This is a really bizarre way to say no to somebody who is asking for a job.”
The two later met in the US at the annual Virus Bulletin conference, said Bontchev. “I don’t think he was a typical American. He was just weird.”
McAfee twice made long-shot runs for the US presidency and was a participant in Libertarian Party presidential debates in 2016. He dabbled in yoga, ultralight aircraft and the production of herbal medications.
In 2012 he was wanted for questioning in connection with the death of Gregory Viant Faull, who was shot to death in early November 2012 on the island in Belize where both men lived.
McAfee told AP at the time that he was being persecuted by the Belizean government. Belizean police denied that, saying they were simply investigating a crime about which McAfee may have had information. Then-Prime Minister Dean Barrow expressed doubts about McAfee’s mental state, saying, “I don’t want to be unkind to the gentleman, but I believe he is extremely paranoid, even bonkers.”
A Florida court ordered McAfee in 2019 to pay $25 million to Faull’s estate in a wrongful death claim. He refused to pay it, writing in a statement posted on Twitter that he has “not responded to a single one of my 37 lawsuits for the past 11 years.” He claimed to have no assets, writing that the order was a “mute point” — an apparent misspelling of “moot.”
In July of that year he was released from detention in the Dominican Republic after he and five others were suspected of traveling on a yacht carrying high-caliber weapons, ammunition and military-style gear.
Wired Magazine reporter Joshua Davis spent six months investigating McAfee’s tumultuous life in 2012, when he was living in Belize and being sought for questioning in connection with his neighbor’s murder. He described watching as McAfee took out a pistol to illustrate a point.
”‘Let’s do this one more time,’ he says, and puts it to his head,” Davies wrote. “Another round of Russian roulette. Just as before, he pulls the trigger repeatedly, the cylinder rotates, the hammer comes down, and nothing happens. ‘It is a real gun. It has a real bullet in one chamber,’ he says. And yet, he points out, my assumptions have somehow proven faulty. I’m missing something.”
source https://www.firstpost.com/tech/news-analysis/john-mcafee-security-software-pioneer-found-dead-in-jail-cell-after-court-approves-his-extradition-to-the-us-9748081.html
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I was tagged by @rhymaes for a 2020 creator meme :)) thank you!!! this was a nice thing to reflect on! <3
rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
1) o come, let us adore him (42k, hp) huh... linking this because although scorpius/albus are not really my ship in the sense that i don’t much care for the new generation and haven’t read the cursed child nor intend to (this is SO NOT cursed child compliant) and although I feel weird about hp in general lately (just shut up already, jk!), it was one of the most spontaneous things I wrote in 2020 (a christmas fic in april...? that’s how bad covid hit me, i guess) and it just, makes me laugh. Like, I open it now, read a few lines, and laugh. Which is maybe an arrogant thing to say but Diana Wynne Jones (the QUEEN) said she would make herself laugh when writing Howl’s Moving Castle (which, this story is NOT anywhere near that level, obviously) and it didn’t seem arrogant, it just sounded like fun. So, this was fun <3 I write comedy rarely and my sense of humor is basically ‘well now i’ll mention something random like a tap-dancing penguin’ but I needed this in 2020 and so it happened. Also it’s epistolary and all i care about in life are romances through letters, actually
2) posthumous -- the biography of a bone (6.5k, original fiction f/f story) this was never meant to be posted online, it was just a story i wrote for myself, but i thought, why not? I’m happy i wrote it because I needed to write it to process........... it’s about the radium girls, my biggest historical obsession of 2020. I read the books, i read the poems, i listened to that song about them, watched a million videos. There is not a person I talked to in 2020 that hasn’t heard about the radium girls. I don’t know why of all the instances of injustice it’s this one that hits me the most but it does and i will never be over it so here’s a romance about two girls which i hope is not in bad taste (i cried writing it :’‘‘))
3) what i’m made for has always been you (3.5k, IT) I’m not sure if this is actually my favorite IT fanfic I’ve written but it has too many small moments that I was dying to write and I think that the way I wrote Richie in love in this most reflects how I myself think when I’m in love so *shrugs*
4) all the useless things (part one: 79k, the whole: 170k and going, m/m original fiction) this monster. this stupid monster that’s, like, 1/3 done? this stupid pseudo-dark-academia monster about art thieves that only exists because the Polish boarding school i almost went to and my brother later wanted to go to sucks which led to the discovery of just how much other boarding schools suck and so to another of my 2020 obsessions: research on how the education system in the uk is -- dare i say, royally? -- messed-up (I did know this before, but there’s knowing, and then there’s Knowing). But mostly, this story is just me waxing poetic about paintings since the climax is still a long ways away.... anyway, I love posting this because it’s not a fanfic but it’s not a novel either: it just doesn’t have that structure and without internet, there’d be no point in writing it, so god bless the internet i guess
5) the boy who listened to bones (3k, pjo) the thing is, Nico di Angelo will always be my adopted son, ok. me and hades are co-parenting him, actually.
6) love is the stranger who sojourns (21k, m/m original fiction) the not-really-halloween story about a hermit asshole who’s maybe in love with a ghost i wrote in two weeks, crazy times. Mainly, I wrote this to process the idea of being deserving of love even when you’re not deserving of love. It is.... not yet processed </3. Anyway, if Black Sails taught me one thing (that’s a lie: Black Sails taught me many things) it’s that one has the moral obligation to use and twist bible quotes to further gay agenda when possible, so what can you do
I’m so sorry for always writing freaking dissertations about all my stories :’) I@M A RAMBLER, what else is new! So, 2020 was my year of original fiction (I finished a novel! I finished a novel! I FINISHED A NOVEL! which I’m not linking here since it’s not posted anywhere but but but, i finished a novel *squeals*). The most surprising thing is that I didn’t write a single Les Mis fanfic since it was definitely my 2020 fandom, huh.
I’m tagging @dullahan168 and @lorilanda if (and only if!) you feel like it <3 and whoever else would like to do it, I’m not 100% sure who posts their work online but I’d sure love to learn!
#memes#tags#oh boy oh boy that meme 'you should be addicted to shutting up' is about me#only without the second part#writing
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Let that man/ woman/ girl / boy SUFFER!!!! Part 1.
We had fought that morning. I woke up, made him breakfast and as he ate I asked him coldly why he was sleeping with other people and lying about it. He was writing an exam that day and for some reason that morning the demon in me had risen, sat on my shoulder whispering evil into my heart and I loved it. I had decided not to double down, the tension between us was already palpable, we needed a resolution
To calm the waters I sent an sms to apologise saying we needed to talk and that I was ready to be mature. I wasn’t. It was a trap. When he arrived I opened with an apology saying I wished I never invaded his privacy and to that he said he understood. His comfort in my presence began to return. His shoulders rolled back and he exhaled. I let the moment linger. I think he thought for the first time in weeks he was safe, that I had come to my senses, believed his lies and things would go back to normal. Id cook, clean and encourage him like I used to. Perched on the bed in my purple dress I looked at him as he started to put down his bag and get comfortable because he thought I was done. The cruel denouement followed. Being his girlfriend was too hard for me. I wasn’t mature enough. I simply could not do it anymore. He could stay till the holiday break started later that week but he had to go. He wasn’t welcome anymore.
He froze and in an instant he had tensed all the way up. It felt like I had just taken off a pair of uncomfortable shoes or a jacket when its too hot and you’ve been seating. I was free. I WAS FREE OF HIM!!
OR SO I THOUGHT!!!!
He dragged out our breakup and kept popping up where I lived and I ultimately had to change my locks. The point of the story is, don’t bring cursed people into you blessed life.
I’ll say it again
DON’T BRING CURSED PEOPLE INTO YOUR BLESSED LIFE!!
If I took a moment to tell you about how I even go to the point where I was living on campus with my course load manageable with no toxic friends looming and generally at peace, I would shed a tear. From late night buses to bad jobs and walking dangerous routes back to my granny flat when I first moved to Durban. Its was a difficult journey.
I spent a year praying to move out of my first res because it was off campus and they bused us to and from campus. It was in Sydenham between an informal settlement and a coloured community riddled with drugs and gangsters. Many of us learn how resilient we are in varsity especially if you don’t have the finances not to worry about feeding and clothing yourself. Then there are social pressures. Partying when you should be studying. Resisting the temptation of older men with money putting you in compromising situations. The self-doubt that rises when you are struggling with your studies and you don’t even have enough money to call you mother to cry. Your young stupid friends who have childhood traumas and unhealthy relationships influencing you to do dumb shit. Having many people in the administration treating you poorly and because they don’t believe that “girls” should be in any form of engineering and to top it all off RACISM…..
After the initial shock and two painful years adapting, I toiled and toiled, made friends with SRC members and housing staff resident assistants and finally….FINALLY on the verge of collapse, when I started my honors one of my classmates was moving out because she had gotten a job and a car and she whispered in my ear. I had done the leg work so when I went to go cry at the head of housings door he was already tired of me….”Mosotho, you are back here again?” he said that morning. That was the last time I would see him because after he authorised, I would move to campus and enjoy living in the land of milk and honey. I’m not gonna lie, it was incredible. I remember going to the orientation parties for the first time as an honours student and realizing that this was HOW life in university was supposed to be. And after all that suffering and toiling the first thing I did when I got a chance because I thought I was doing something good was bringing a cursed person into my blessed situation.
Granted its not like he could have done anything to ruin my life, I had already created an incredible life for myself. My marks were good, I had a part time research assistant gig with six months left on my honors and ONLY my dissertation left to write but I managed to somehow go out and get the bed bug and then cried about it when it BIT me!
I’m talking to you, you reading this right now don’t you dare forget how awful your life has been and how hard you have worked for it to be less awful. REMEMBER, you are the sum of all your mistakes and triumphs, all the times people didn’t believe in you and your own betrayed you. All those times luck struck like lightning and you were prepared to conquer the small victories. When you kissed your own booboos, bandaged them and pushed on through your tears. You did that alone and don’t you forget it. I’m not saying don’t share your life with someone worthy. By all means, do! Sharing your life with someone is incredible but there are some people that you don’t need to be entertaining AT ALL!!!!
I could smell the curses on that mans life a mile away but I was young. I didn’t have a definite dating style or boundaries. He had too much going on for one person and I thought sharing my blessings would somehow help him. All I got in return was trauma and a deep desire to never live with anyone ever again. The upside was that I learnt that I cant date a man who doesn’t get the double bind of womanhood and doesn’t want to learn about it. The fact that it didn’t work out between us was also a blessing. So take it from me, protect your peace. Don’t go looking for trouble. If someone is a hot mess they wont stop being a hot mess till they decide that’s what they want. There is NOTHING you can do about it. Don’t bring them into your home to disturb your peace and ruffle your feathers. LET THEM SUFFER (insert evil laugh)
I’m joking but I’m serious, don’t bring curses into your blessed situation. It will throw you off, upset your balance and briefly make you forget what you prayed and worked hard for. Don’t play with your blessings. They didn’t fall from the sky and you still have more to do because your life is meant to be phenomenal.
Take my advice, let people suffer with their curses, offer them sympathy from the comfort of your couch with your doors and gate locked and them on the other side.
Bisou…bisou...
Ps. Read part two for a full circle moment...
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