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likeadevils · 7 months

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1989 Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on 1989 in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing 1989 and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process

Of all the albums in Taylor's discography, I think this is the one that improves the most when you listen to it in order. All of those things Taylor was talking about in the promo for this album-- how this is an album of her coming into her own, figuring out her values, learning to stand on her own two feet-- it all clicks into place. Listening to it in order has made me cry on more than one occasion, and it's also the thing that made me start this whole crazy process of figuring out the dates she wrote each song.

If you don't want to read the whole post, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date:

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based on guesswork and is highly likely to change, or, all that is known is the general season.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

Without further ado...

Oct 6, 2012: Taylor seems to have been in a studio in London (Note: I have no idea where this photo comes from and I can not find a place that specifies if this is a music studio or radio interview.)

This Love: Oct 17, 2012 (Confirmed)

October 19, 2012: Taylor mentions wanting to work with Imogen Heap, prompting Imogen to get in touch with Taylor

Time Interview: Who’d be your dream collaboration, especially now that you’re taking more musical risks? Let me think. Imogen Heap! She’s amazing. Taylor: Someone asked me in an interview "Who would you like to work with?" and I said Imogen Heap. I get an email to my management, sent like "Imogen just saw that Taylor just said an interview that she would like to work together" She said "Why don't you come out to my studio." Imogen: I got a phone call [in 2014] saying Taylor Swift was in London, she'd love to work with me and the only date she could do (between 4 sold out 02 arenas!) was the day after we got back, Sunday. It was both unexpected and not at the same time as I'd heard Taylor was a fan a while back via this Time magazine piece but somehow didn't think it would actually happen.

Fall 2012: Taylor possibly writes a song with Harry Styles and Jacknife Lee (her producer for The Last Time)

“It was out of my field of expertise and interest, but I was intrigued and my girls were thrilled. Taylor was nice and very professional. She knew what she wanted and there was no fucking about. She was seeing Harry Styles at the time, so he came to Topanga on her recommendation. She wrote a few songs with him, and it was the same thing – quick. But this time it was more directed by the management and label. They were after something specific. I wanted more acoustic and gentle, almost Americana, and they wanted bombast. They got what they wanted, and that was the extent of my foray into teen-pop territory. It was fun.”

All You Had to Do Was Stay: Jan 10, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor is photographed outside Conway, and then tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh..." Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording All You Had To Do Was Stay. Taylor: I had a dream that my ex showed up at my door, knocked at my door, and I opened it up, and I was about ready to launch into the perfect thing to say [...], Instead, all that would come out of my mouth was that high-pitched chorus of people singing, 'Stay!'...and then you go to say something else, and it's just like 'Stay! Stay! Stay!' And I woke up, I was like 'Oh, that was mortifying. But that's kind of a cool vocal part.'

January 11, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside Conway again

How You Get The Girl: Jan 15, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor posts a picture of her playing a guitar in the studio, captioned "Somewhere in LA..". Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording How You Get The Girl. Given what was going on in her personal life, she likely wrote this sometime in the fall/winter of 2012, but all we know for sure is the date she recorded it.

February 9, 2013: Tweets "Grammy rehearsals last night, studio today, who knows what tonight holds! (I do. Laying around watching TV and eating candy.)"

March 6, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside a studio in LA

March 23, 2013: Posts a picture of her playing guitar captioned "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina"

I Wish You Would: May 28, 2013 (Inferring)

Taylor is photographed out for lunch in Rhode Island with Lena Dunham (and likely Jack Antonoff, who was Lena's boyfriend but not as famous at the time) on May 27 before leaving for her show in Phoenix, Arizona the next day Jack: "We were hanging out at her house in Rhode Island and we were talking about John Hughes movies, and a lot of the music that inspired [them], and just this general culture of sound in that time period that was really larger-than-life in an anthemic, positive way. These songs could be at the end of films that were really, really beautiful and said a lot. That actually ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would' which is going to be on her album. We first worked on that song together and realised we kind of have a good thing. Taylor: “This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so we were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes "I made this amazing track the other day. It's so cool, I love these guitar sounds." And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said "Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, like send it to me" And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called "I Wish You Would", because Jack wrote back and said "I love that".”

June 7, 2013: At the CMA fest, Taylor is asked if she's started writing for her next album yet

“It's starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward, usually. Um, so, yeah, I basically... I like to, I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because I... at this point I kind of know that whenever I write in the first year is going to get thrown away, because, I'm going to like it, but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point, at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go, creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before, and, uh, y'know, It's harder to call people you don't know, and it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels, but, that's the goal at this point."

June 20-21, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

July 15, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview to Rolling Stone

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head.” “I really loved collaborating [on Red],” she says. “You work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is.” “I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

July 18, 2013: Taylor unfollows the three backup dancers that left her tour for Katy's, meaning Bad Blood was likely written sometime between July and November 2013.

Sweeter Than Fiction: Summer 2013 (Speculation)

Taylor wrote this one over email, and then it was recorded in New York (partially in Jack's living room, partially in an actual studio)

August 25, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out at the VMAs, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

August 25, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview on the VMAs red carpet

"But I think [songwriting is] about to start to kick into full gear. I'm about to go into the studio. It's about to get really intense."

Out Of The Woods: September 14 2013 (Inferring)

On September 14, Fun cancelled their show. Taylor was likely either flying to or from Charlottesville, where she had a show for the Red Tour. Jack: "When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things [sometimes turn into a great song]" Jack: "So 'Out Of The Woods' was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is." Taylor: "This is a track that Jack Antonoff sent me, and I was actually on a plane, I got it and I got on a plane and I'm listening to it, and I'm just like listening to it and mumbling melodies cause the song came to me immediately like, in full [...] I think what I should start by playing you, is when I got the track, what I sent him like an hour later, and it is, me.. um, me singing what came to me, which ended up being the finished version of the song, or at least really close to it."

September 20, 2013: In a brief interview with USA Today, Taylor says she plans to work on her next album between the next few legs of the Red Tour

"I’ll be in the studio, figuring out what comes next. I really like to take two years to make a record, and I’ve been writing and doing stuff for the last year. This is kind of the year that it goes into overdrive, and it’s all I think about and I become obsessive over it and I’m hard to talk to"

September 22, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to New York Magazine where she talks about her plans for TS5

These days, Swift is thinking a lot about her next record. While on the Red tour, she’d been writing songs and stockpiling ideas: reams of lyrics, thousands of voice memos in her iPhone [...] she plans to spend much of 2014 writing and recording the new album, a prospect she finds exhilarating and terrifying. “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.” Swift hopes to collaborate with new songwriters and producers. But she planned to begin, she said, by heading back into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback. “I want to go in with Max and Johan first, just to figure out what the bone structure of this record is going to be. “I have a lot of things to draw from emotionally at the moment. But I have to draw from them with a different perspective than on Red. I can’t say the same things over and over, you know? I mean, I think it’s just all the more important that I don’t ever allow myself to coast. At the same time, there’s a mistake that I see artists make when they’re on their fourth or fifth record, and they think innovation is more important than solid songwriting. The most terrible letdown as a listener for me is when I’m listening to a song and I see what they were trying to do. Like, where there’s a dance break that doesn’t make any sense, there’s a rap that shouldn’t be there, there’s like a beat change that’s, like, the coolest, hippest thing this six months—but it has nothing to do with the feeling, it has nothing to do with the emotion, it has nothing to do with the lyric. I never want to put things in songs just because that might make them popular, like, on the more rhythmic stations or in dance clubs. I really don’t want a compilation of sounds. I just need them to be songs.”

September 28-October 5, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez are in the same city, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

October 12, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to the Associated Press

Swift: I think the goal for the next album is to continue to change, and never change in the same way twice [...] How do I write these figurative diary entries in ways that I’ve never written them before and to a sonic backdrop that I’ve never explored before? It’s my fifth album, which is crazy to think about, but I think what I’m noticing about it so far is it’s definitely taking a different turn than anything I’ve done before. AP: You said recently you’ve been working on songs for the new album for about six months. What can you tell us about what you have planned? Swift: It’s too early to tell who are going to be my predominant collaborators, but I do know that my absolute dream collaborators were Shellback and Max Martin on the last project. I’ve never been so challenged as a songwriter. I’ve never learned so much. I’ve never just been so excited to show up to the studio every day, just because you never know what we’re going to put together. I’ll bring in ideas and they’ll take such a different turn than where I thought they were going to go, and that level of unexpected spontaneity is something that really thrills me in the process of making music. ... What if we did this? What if we made it weirder? What if we took it darker? I love people who have endless strange and exciting ideas about where music can go."

October 14, 2013: At the NSAI, Taylor talks about reinventing herself for different albums

"I’m making my 5th record now, so I think you have to change things up, you have to explore different corners of music as much as you can. Cause I really, it’s been a big goal of mine to never make two albums that sounded the same. I really want my fans to be able to be like "Oh that song? Clearly that's from the Fearless album", "No that one, that one was from Red" and so I’m in the process of doing that thing all over again for my 5th album and it’s amazing to be in the studio and to be songwriting again, and be honored for songwriting tonight"

Blank Space: October 26, 2013 (Inferring)

It looks like she’s wearing the same outfit in this behind the scenes footage and these candids Taylor: "I was going into write with Max Martin and Shellback, who are two of the primary collaborators on 1989, and I... was preparing all these things, and I, I think Blank Space was like the third thing I played them, and they just stopped and they were like "NO, this is the first thing we're working on today." [...] I had the idea for the chorus and I had the hook, but a lot of the verse was gibberish." Taylor (On what song took her the least amount of time to write): "Blank space, cause I'd written a lot of the lines down already in the year preceding the session"

October 29, 2013: Tweets "Sitting in the studio writing the next album (!!!!) and wanted to thank you for the American Music Award nominations!"

November 1 : While promoting Keds, Taylor is asked about her next album

"What I go through is going to be the story that I tell. I think lyrically, I always try to tell my fans exactly what’s happened to me in the last two years, and that’s the thing they can expect. Everything else, they won’t be able to expect. Having been in the studio with this one, I’m just like… oh, this is going to be fun"

Bad Blood: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

The backup dancer drama seems to have kicked off in mid-July. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

New Romantics: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Unfortunately, Taylor doesn't really talk about this song. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Wildest Dreams: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Selena reportedly told a fan she was there when Taylor wrote this, and I've noted above all the times Selena could have been with Taylor in 2013 (Here's my personal ranking of how likely each date is). Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013.

Wonderland: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Another one Taylor just doesn't talk about all that often. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Nov 20, 2013: Taylor posted "While in the studio, I came to the realization that my bangs are long enough to use as a sleep mask on long flights. Then I remembered I don't ever use sleep masks on flights. So really, I just need a haircut"

November 25, 2013: Taylor and Scott Borchetta have a meeting to talk about her plans for TS5 and are both asked about the next album at the AMAs

Taylor: “We got a lot already. There are probably seven or eight [songs] that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.” Scott Borchetta: "Well earlier today we got together and she played me seven new songs, and she’s just on fire. The level of desire and passion that she has just to keep getting better, she’s an artist that just really never wants to just say ‘Well okay this is good enough’. It’s always gotta be better. She’s in amazing creative place right now." By the end of November, Taylor had likely recorded This Love, All You Had To Do Was Stay, How You Get The Girl, I Wish You Would, Out Of The Woods, Blank Space, Bad Blood, New Romantics, Wildest Dreams, and Wonderland. That’s 10 songs total, 5 of which were likely recorded in the past two months, and 7 that had been made since Taylor and Jack had their conversation about 80s music in May.

Dec 21, 2013: Taylor briefly talks to Billboard about TS5

"I’m really loving collaboration right now [...] I see it as a bit of an apprenticeship. I want to be around people who love writing songs and have done it for years. Every time I’m in a studio I’m learning, like how to build a drum track, and getting a new perspective on things. It’s so thrilling to keep learning on your fifth album. As soon as [an album] comes out I’m figuring out what the next one will be. It’s gotten to the point where each one is a reinvention, which is what I like best. I like it when it sounds new and people don’t know where you’re going to go next."

Say Don't Go: Jan 1, 2014 (Confirmed)

Diane Warren: Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song […] from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience [...] She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.” Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

You Are In Love: Jan 2014 (Inferring)

This song is copyrighted for 2014. Taylor has said a few times that Clean, Shake It Off, and Style were the last songs written for the album, meaning You Are In Love was likely completed in January or early February. Given Taylor's busy schedule in late January and early February, I'd guess this was written at some point in early January. Furthermore, I'd guess it was sometime after the 9th, when she returned from looking at house in New York.

I Know Places: Jan 22, 2014 (Confirmed)

Taylor: "I sent this voice memo to Ryan Tedder because I'd always wanted to work with him, and finally we scheduled some studio time. So I always wanna be prepared, I wanted to send him the idea that I was working on before we went into the studio just in case he wrote back and said "I can't stand that, I wanna work on something else, think of something else" So I just sat down with the piano, put my phone on top of the piano and just kind of explained to him where I wanted to go with the song, how I saw the melody sitting in and we ended up recording the song the next day and it ended up being on the record called "I Know Places" So this was the voice memo that I sent to him the night before we ended up finishing the song"

Welcome To New York: Jan 23, 2014 (Confirmed)

Ryan Tedder: "I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week. I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day."

January 26 2014: Dianne Warren says that she recently wrote a song with Taylor

"I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song [...] I'm excited about the [song] that we did, it's pretty cool Dianne in 2016: “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

January 26 2014: Taylor loses Album of the Year at the Grammy's to Daft Punk. She tells a few different stories about what the rest of the night looked like for her-- in some she goes home alone, in some she has some friends over-- but in all of them, this is the night where she decides that she's gonna name the album 1989, and she's not going to let her label tell her to put any country songs on it.

Clean: Feb 9, 2014 (Confirmed)

According to Imogen Heap's blog post, Taylor had the first verse and chorus by the time they got into the studio, and then wrote the second verse and bridge during the session. Taylor's part was wrapped up in 9 hours, ending at 8pm, while Imogen stayed up until 4am because she didn't want to stop working on it. Taylor: ""Shake It Off" and "Clean" were the last two things we wrote for the record, so it shows you where I ended up mentally. “Clean” I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date— it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. [...] The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean." Imogen Heap: I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises to [“Clean”], played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals [for “Clean”] during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great.

February 15, 2014: Taylor posts "It was a studio Valentines Day with Max and Johan!"

Shake It Off: Feb 15, 2014 (Confirmed)

Lover Diaries (From Feb 22): "This week I’ve been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something UP and light. We worked at it for a few hours before I just started singing “shake it off, shake it off.” And then the best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording background vocals. I think it’ll end up being the first single and Max said it’s his favorite song he’s ever been a part of." Taylor: "The problem was, I had all these lyrics, and I didnt have, like... writing session was coming up and I'm just like "I'm not getting a melody, I'm dead, I don't know what I'm gonna do." The thought terrified me, so I just sorta sulked into the studio and I was like "Guys, I have like an idea but its like, lyric, but I... and I know the vibe I want-- I want it to start off and the second the song starts, I want it to be the song where like, if it's played at a wedding, and there's this one girl who hasn't danced all night at the reception, all her friends come over to her and there like "You have to dance, come on, you have to dance on this one!". That's what I wanted. So I was like "Shellback, can you just go to the drum kit and try to play that?" Taylor: "There's one thing that I've always said to Max, is like "I don't like horns" I just always had a thing about it, I was always like weirdly scared of it, or intimidated by horns, I don't know what it was? It's a weird, like, nerdy studio fear of mine. I was like "No, no horns!" and I don't.. I don't even know, I don't have a reason for it, I love songs that have horns on them, I was just like "I don't think I can pull off horns." Strange. But, he goes over to the mellotron and he starts playing this horn sound. I'm like "What are you doing. Don't do that." and he's like, "No, I think this is cool" and I'm like "No it's not cool, and where are your chorus chords, because, that, you're just playing three chords over and over again and I can't make a chorus out of them, why don't you go to like a chorus chord that starts off the chorus, where is the one, like why don't you go--" and then there was this moment, where I thought of the whole chorus, and it's over the chords that I had just told him are not "chorus chords", which is a ridiculous thing to say."

February 18, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering Conway Studios

Style: Feb 19, 2014 (Confirmed)

Niklas Ljungfelt (guitarist): I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music. Taylor: I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.

March 2014: Taylor's interview with Glamour is published (likely conducted two months beforehand)

TS: Working on this album has been unbelievable [...] I'm already in love with it. It's so different. CL: What's the new sound? TS: On Red I did three songs with Max Martin Shellback [...] I think we'll be doing a lot more than three songs together on the next album [Laughs].

March 26, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering a music studio in New York

May 30, 2014: Taylor writes in her diary:

So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I’d chosen for the album cover wasn’t good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. It woke me up. I couldn’t shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I’d been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut … It wasn’t good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wondering if I’d have to do an entirely new photo shoot … I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the “cover.” I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the Polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It’s a Polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull swear shirt on. You can see my red lips, but the photo cuts off my eyes. From some reason unknown to me, it’s the most intriguing photo I’ve seen. I think it’s the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not.

August 23, 2014: Taylor is photographed walking out of a studio in LA (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio.)

Now That We Don't Talk: Summer 2014 (Speculation)

Seeing as Taylor said she didn't have time to figure out the production, I imagine this came fairly late in the process. Taylor has a habit of adding songs right up to the deadline-- with Folklore and Evermore, she added multiple songs a week before the album came out. The latest she added songs to albums while signed to Big Machine was September, though (both Forever & Always and So It Goes...), so I assume that's the absolute latest she could've added a song. Taylor: "Now That We Don’t Talk” is one of my favorite songs that was left behind, it was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process and we couldn’t get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time and figure out what we wanted this song to sound like. I think it’s the shortest song I’ve ever had, but I think it packs a punch, I think it really goes in. For the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point.

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

#txt*#timeline*#taylor swift #OH MY GOD ITS OUT ITS OUT ITS OUT I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING THIS FOR THREE YEARS AND IT'S DONE #!!!!!#as always let me know if you want further sourcing on anything/if you spot a typo or something

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whereismyhat5678 · 4 months

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Guys, the new year hasn’t started for me yet, I still got a few hours to go but I’ll mine-as-well make this post since I’ll probably go to bed anyways- 😂

First, I’d like to say

WE GOT A NEW BANNER LET’S GOOOOO‼️‼️‼️‼️

HELL YEAH! -I mean it’s just the characters but- HELL YEAH‼️‼️‼️‼️

SECOND. I want to show you something AMAZING and that something I’d never expect??

321 FOLLOWERS????

YOU GUYS ARE INSANE THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH MY GOD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

It really makes me think how all of you guys really like and appreciate my art, and the fact that so many people encourage me to keep doing it, it brings me to tears! 🥹

Every one of you are the best thing in my life!! The first time I got Tumblr I started in:

March 30?? That’s insane- 💀

And the fact that I’ve improved SO MUCH is just INCREDIBLE!

You wanna see the FIRST drawings of Peppino??

YEAH THAT’S ME I DID THIS-

And you’re telling me that this was in what- THE START OF MARCH?? (Or February I don’t remember-) But this is just the PINNACLE of how much I’ve changed in terms in art style and experience.

I bring this up because I think Tumblr is the REASON why I improved so much! I experimented with brushes (digitally) and I found my brushes!! I learned how to EXAGGERATE AND ACTUALLY DRAW CARTOONY LIKE I’VE WANTED TO FOR SO LONG!!

(And NEVER took an art class. That’s fucking what- 💀 I need to take one I actually need to at this point-)

Also also also- I’ve learned a lot of things! Anatomy, exaggerative expression, stretchy cartooniness, ALL OF THESE ARE JUST- I can’t believe I’ve learned all this because one day I decided: “Maybe I should ACTUALLY get a social media for my art? 🤔” AND I DID IT AND CHANGED MY LIFE‼️‼️‼️

YOU GUYS CHANGED MY LIFE!-

My followers!- My mutuals/friends- I NEED TO SAY HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL MY MUTUALS, ALL OF YOU 💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕

Everything about Tumblr has changed me in SUCH a positive way in not only terms of art but with how many people (TALENTED PEOPLE) I’ve made FRIENDS with AND ACTUALLY got to know!!!

I already said it but you guys are absolutely AMAZING and I just CAN’T FATHAM how much this year has just been a BLAST.

My mutuals:

@noodletime @moon9931 @marclef @margarita-the-pizzeria-worker @lucia-the-mii @lovestryke @lord-yiikes @ijusthavefun @linhfoxmoive @kate-bot @nomlioart @boogiestronic80s @zedortoo @jarroyave4637 @atlaslovesedm @alaskacoolkid1 @remaking-machine @average-amount-of-chaos @cherryxsapphic @dingle-dee @eyeballdrawer @tailsdollsnewlife @radaverse @gongustheawsome01 @fluffygiraffe @qwertykeyboard045 @w00den-h3ad @the-little-knight @oddpizza @misdreavusplush

(OKAY- I may have added some people on here that I think ARE REALLY COOL, I may not talk to you much but I’ve seen you guys like my art and I think ya’ll deserve to be on here 🫶💖✨)

AND IF I MISSED ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME I’M SO SORRY BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE ALL OF YOU THE SAME (Platonically) I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR AND HAVE A GOOD ONE 🎉🎉🎉

GOOD NIGHT TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE YOU GUYS MEAN THE WOLRD TO ME AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT 💖💖💖💖

#HAPPY NEW YEARS‼️‼️‼️ 🎉🎉🎉🎉#(Even if it hasn’t started for me yet- 😅)#For all the people I tagged I really hope you don’t mind- I seriously love you guys and since some I see VERY OFTEN on here-#And again for anyone I did not tag I appreciate you just the same 🫶🫶🫶#MAN my art has improved-#If I did one of those art of the year thingys my art would look SO DIFFERENT you’d think that someone else did it- 💀#I still like it tho- as much as I like how I draw Peppino now I still actually like how the first time I drew him #He looks silly and rounder- And I kind of like that- 😂#I’m not gonna ramble as much in the tags since the actual post is- DAMN-#Still. Hope you guys have a wonderful New Year 🎊🎊 Gonna try and do the most in terms of art this year. And I can’t wait for this Tumblr’s #birthday! 😄🎉💞#I love ya’ll so much. 💋💋 (If you don’t do platonic kisses hugs will do if you consent 🫶🫶)

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armand1481 · 10 months

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Hey Armand, I love your art! I have a sort of offbeat question, just bcus I can’t stop wondering about it fsr, ig bcus I always found it a lil weird how you never addressed it. I’ve been following you for a long time, ever since I saw you featured on PainteroftheMillenia’s channel, when I was around your age at the time, and I remember you used to go by Amadeo? And I'm just curious why you changed it? Changing your name online isn’t that interesting but with you I'm super curious, maybe bcus you’ve been so cryptic ever since the change. It’s like you're a different person now, not that I’m complaining. I think you’ve improved a lot as Armand, and I honestly prefer your style now. I just wonder what happened there? Thanks, and if u don’t wanna talk about it no problem, I get u don’t rlly talk about urself online anymore, which is probably smart lol

Amadeo isn’t who I am anymore. When I started to form my own internet presence I wanted it to be true to the person I felt I was, and that person was not Amadeo. I didn’t want to be associated with him any longer so I changed my name on all my socials. Amadeo (the name) is also linked to a lot of bad memories for me, and it was used by people who hurt me, to the point where hearing it is triggering for me.

So I don’t wish to be called it, I’m only Armand now. Armand has brought with it its own scars, but it’s also brought many pleasures. Most importantly Armand belongs to me. Amadeo never felt like it belonged to me, it was representative of what others wanted of me. Never again. If you remember me as Amadeo, purge him from your mind. Scrub him from your eyes when you look upon me if need be so that you don’t see that boy when you see me. Thank you.

#anon answered

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thetriplets3 · 9 months

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hii hru?? can you do “lingering looks, they should have turned away seconds ago” from the prompt list with matt?? thank uu

started with this idea, got carried away and I have no idea if what I wrote makes any sense but enjoy and thank you for your request I loved writing this

⁵⁵⁵ change ⁵⁵⁵

Matt and I are best friends, always have been, probably always will be but he’ll never see me as anything more. I was always closer to Matt than his brothers. He was the first person I’d go to if I needed anything. Sick, upset, happy, hurt, excited, you name it Matt was first to know.

Matt has this ability to make anyone feel safe, welcomed and loved. He has such a warm gentle soul and his presence is always a comfort to me. We’re both very affectionate people, hugs, cuddling, linking arms in crowded spaces, or pats on the back in passing. I haven’t seen Matt and his brothers in about 8 months, other than FaceTime calls since I moved away for school. The semester has come to an end which means I’m back home for the summer.

Wanting to see all my friends, the boys invited me to stay at their home in LA for a few weeks. Arriving to their house I take everything around me in, almost inspecting the place. They moved here about 3 months ago but since I was away at school I haven’t been here yet. My inspection is quickly interrupted by Chris swinging the front door open and squealing my name out, before tackling me in a tight, much needed hug.

“Missed you kid” he says, ruffling my hair as I’m bending down to take my shoes off.

“You’re literally the child here, kid” I joke.

Settling all my stuff into Nick’s room, he and I head to the living room to watch a movie. I’ve made myself comfortable in the corner seat of the couch curled in a ball on my side, resisting the urge to fall asleep.

Hearing what sounded like something falling, my eyes curiously drift in the direction of the noise, stopping briefly on Nick whose clearly used to this type of thing before looking up only to be met with Matt regaining his balance. I smile, taking in his presence and energy. Our eyes meet and it feels like time has stood still. We’ve FaceTimed a bunch over the last 8 months so it’s not like I haven’t seen them at all but seeing him in person after all this time feels different. A good different.

Seeing how much he’s changed makes my heart do backflips. I was worried when I moved away that the boys and I would grow apart but they made sure to let me know it’s gonna take a lot more than me moving to lose them. They look happier, there’s a glow to them. You can tell that they’re at a good place in their life just by looking at them. Matt had this air of confidence around him that he didn’t have when I left. He seems more comfortable with himself and happy, which makes me happy. His style has definitely changed and improved since I saw him last. I’ve always loved his style and now he radiates confidence. My love for him grows seeing him in person after so long. The change of moving from where I grew up with all my friends and family around me to living alone half way across the country scared me to death. But now that I’m standing here in front of him, change doesn’t seem so scary.

“Hi sorry to interrupt this little love reunion going on but there’s a movie playing and this vibe going across the room is interfering with that so do something other than stand there please” Nick exasperates.

To appease him we breaks eye contact and Matt makes his way to me, sitting next to me. Opening his arms, inviting me in for a hug I scoot over with my blanket wrapped around me and melt into his hold. Like 2 pieces of a puzzle. Shifting to bring my knees to my chest, I rest my head on his shoulder awkwardly, not being able to fully reach it.

Sensing my discomfort he gently grabs hold of my legs pulling them to lay atop of his lap. Our eyes flicker to each other with a soft smile. Taking his hint to get comfier I rest my head between his shoulder and neck, wrapping my right arm across his body and letting the other lay in my lap. His left hand lies over my knees and the other securely around my back, his thumb mindlessly rubbing my arm.

My eyes shut for a moment taking this feeling in. This feels different than every other time we’ve cuddled. Usually it’s just a head against a shoulder, head on the chest but this feels like it’s beyond those boundaries. He’s holding me to him like he doesn’t want me to leave, the hands on my leg feels intimate, it’s like he’s trying to tell himself I’m actually here and he’s not imagining it. I’m not complaining. I’ve spent the last 8 months just dying to be back with my people, my safe place.

A tear slips from my eyes. My hand grabs a hold of his shirt, balling it in my fist. Feeling a hitch in my breathing he tightens his hold on me letting me know he’s here. He places a soft kiss on the top of my head.

“I’m here sweet girl, I’m not leaving” he whispers.

Wanting to see his face I shift my head slightly resting my cheek on his shoulder softly smiling up at him. I’ve always admired his perfect bone structure and his stubble makes him look much more mature. My favorite color lies in his eyes. My cheeks tinted pinks, watery eyes, and soft pout on my face causes a small laugh to escape his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful. You seem happier than when you moved, it suits you” his eyes scan over my face landing on my eyes “I missed you life’s not the same without you here” he continues looking at me, taking in every detail, wanting to remember this new version of me. “I love you” he says with a slight chuckle to ease the tension he might have created.

“That’s the first thing I thought when I saw you, you seem more confident and happy, still clumsy but you look at peace with where you are. All I could think about for 8 months was coming back and being here with you. The camera doesn’t do you justice” I say. The words I’ve been wanting to say for so long dance on my tongue, nervous to show themselves. “I love you”. Finally.

Hearing that makes him smile, making me smile. I can’t not smile when he does it’s irresistible. Placing a sweet kiss to my forehead, I nuzzle my head back into the crook of his neck as he holds me closer.

“I wasn’t aware I picked a romance movie, gross” Nick says with disgust and sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Change isn’t always a bad thing, it leads you to exactly what you need in life at the right time.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #readers pov #I need someone to edit for me bc I have no idea if anything I write makes sense #taking beta reader applications

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i-am-probably-alive · 10 months

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Hellenite

Is there ever that one writer that you keep on going back to, over and over, even if you have read and analyzed every single one of their works? And it still gets better each time? There is for me. Fucking Helleniteeeee. I left the DSMP fandom like almost a year ago, yet I still go and have Hellenite binge reads on the regular.

Ad astra was my gateway drug, De Terra is still my favorite fic of all time like ever, possibly even better than most published books I’ve read, anything from LiTWS brings me immense comfort, and Fading Lights….that one stuck with me really really REALLY hard. So did all the other ones, but yknow. That’s a bittersweet ending done right, man. I absolutely adore everything in Hellens style of writing. From the beautiful, captivating description to the absolutely remarkable use of italics, each and every fic has left me crying and begging for more. But there’s three parts that Hellen just does so well, that it honestly shocks me that the whole first page of DSMP isn’t stuffed, head to toe, with Hellenite’s work.

1: Theme

Tackling this first, cause i have a LOT to say about this. Cause, HOLY SHIT!!! Theme! I absolutely just HDRTHHFGGJGJHAZJ. I’m not saying other writers haven’t pulled off themes in fanfic well before, cause they have! But the way Hellenite does it just hits different. Everything has a moral, in one way or another. And the moral is something genuine. Something real, something that happens in real life and that is represented perfectly in all her works. Like, okay. Event Horizon: You can change, you can improve. You are not your past, you are not your family, you are not your mistakes. As long as you’re trying, You’re on the right path. Things don’t get better immediately, they take time. A long, long time, but you are allowed to be happy along the way. Healing is a process, not a teleportation device. LiTWS: A relationship, be it romantic, platonic or familial, can be complicated. They can be difficult to maintain, but you love the other person, so you will work at it to solve your issues. It’s okay to fight, as long as you can acknowledge when you screw up. Communicate. Fading Lights: Life is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you should try and escape it. Find the right people who care about you, even if at the moment you feel or are complete shit. You can recover.

everything just leaves a special impact, because those messages come through. And they come through strong, without being all “LOOK AT ME IM HERE”. It’s just. Wow.

2: Character Development

Change is a very prominent feature in Hellens stories, and it never feels clunky or out of place. You genuinely feel it, but you can’t pinpoint the exact moment things change. Like how in the beginning of Ad Astra, we feel genuine dislike, and very quickly, hatred for Ran. But over time, that changes, and we see how Ran develops and improves. There’s setbacks, there’s relapses, but the change is there. In LiTWS, the relationship goes from somewhat forced, to fully, truly, genuine. Struggles and all. In FL, Tubbo….well. In the beginning, he was an addict who had a gruffish attitude, who was pushing away from society and his friends. He feared that he was turning into his father. He had awful self esteem. By the end, he was willing to change. He was willing to give up smoking and drinking and willing to put himself in an environment that involved Tommy. Change, change, change.

I think it’s all really well done. Cause people change, it’s natural. And it’s done so well here.

3: Love

The way Hellen writes love makes me wish I was in it. But not because it’s written as an all happy and sunshine solution to all wrong. It’s not. It’s written as a strong, complicated emotion. It isn’t written as a one-size fits all. It’s written as something rooted in our hearts that WE get to define, and WE get to use. We love, and it is not a weakness. Love is not a superpower. We all are capable of it, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Love is…love. It’s so, so SO strong, and I think that this one element is what’s made me cry so much while reading Fading Lights or De Terra or whatever it is. Love. Such a strong meaning for such a small word. I go to Hellens stories and take notes on the way it’s written because it’s just. I hate stories that focus on love, generally. Mostly because they’re written as if it has to be this huge, romantic beats-all card, where the only thing that defines it is the word itself. The characters have to say it for us to know it, and even after that, we don’t believe it. Hellen writes it as it is, which is a difficult feat. These fics are just…wow.

All in all, the way Hellen writes, not only in short term by description and beautiful scenery, but in long term too, leaves such a strong impact. Hellen is definitely, without a doubt, the writer who has most inspired, motivated and influenced the way I write and even the way I think. Hellen has left such a positive mark on me that I’m confident I would be entirely different without having read that one gateway fic. I forgot to mention this, but I read Ad Astra while in a reading slump, and when I say it pulled me out…

also, the concepts in and of themselves are so creative and good and original?? Like how?? And the WORLDBUILDING DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WORLDBUILDING. HOW??? How does one just make a world so convincing and make it feel so real?? And explore upon it without making it feel like pointless exposition???

TLDR; A year ago, these fics broke into my house, put me in a chokehold, and demanded it be allowed to live there rent free. It still has me in a chokehold, and I give it muffins sometimes.

Theres so much More i can say, and I will probably say it in different posts later. but for now..

I love Hellenites stories more than I love Interstellar, and that’s saying something cause I was a mess by the halfway point of that movie.

Thank you, Hellenite, for each and every one of your stories.

I can’t wait for WGBITN.

(P.S: I realize I sound like an insane fangirl, but whatever. I most likely am one.)

#Hellenite #Ad Astra #De Terra #Fading Lights #Lost in the woods somewhere #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Writing

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olderthannetfic · 10 months

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Re: https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/722192574032527360/translators-who-localize-a-story-to-the-point-of

This makes me think of the book Yellowface that came out recently, which I’ve been finding a thrilling read. It’s about a white woman author who, when her extremely successful asian author friend dies, steals her unpublished manuscript and publishes it as her own.

Personally I find it very helpful when learning about some new craft to see a generally agreed upon set of “good” examples of it, and then “bad” examples. As an example, when I was learning to knit I was helped by seeing examples of mistakes next to the stitches done correctly. I was able to improve much faster with stark examples.

Yellowface is a fiction book and so the story is the main point of it, but it’s also a very good example of the “bad” when it comes to cultural erasure through translation or americanization. The white woman character does a tremendous amount of editing of the manuscript to make it more easily digestible to what she thinks of as “regular” (meaning non-asian) audiences, and if you know anything about chinese culture, naming practices, or linguistic norms, each change she makes feels like an immense violation. Because she’s a villain character, they’re mentioned in the most obvious and horrifying way, often with a “does this really matter?” attitude. Genuinely an extremely helpful list of what not to do when trying to translate chinese characters, and if someone didn’t know anything at all about the topic, I would consider it a very googleable list to learn more about what matters in translation for chinese culture specifically. Things such as “Why do some character names have A- in front of them? What does that mean?” as one example of what I mean.

I also think the discussion around the Seven Seas translations of the author MXTX’s work is another good place to look for more information about translation of chinese works. There’s been a lot of fandom debate about specific translation points, so that whole fandom history could be a great treasure trove to learn more as well.

What you said as a general rule, to avoid non-idiomatic direct translations only left in to make a work feel “foreign” to non-native speakers—that comes up a lot with the character Lan Wangji specifically, and how best to translate his speaking style. So discussion around him specifically would be a great place to start within that.

Happy learning more about new cultures in translation to everyone! If anyone has examples of discussion or debate with translation of another culture’s works, I would love to see an ask like that for those cultures too. Or if anyone has more examples of chinese works in translation that could be useful, please add them.

Oh god. These days, I mostly read manga to practice my Japanese, but back when I was in anime fandom and consuming a lot of translations, there was constant wank about translation choices...

...and most of it demanded Charlie Chan-level garbage translations that made the audience feel smart and like they were accessing something "authentic". Gag me.

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emotionallychargedtowel · 1 year

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Pursuer-distancer roles & attachment style in Utsukushii Kare, Part 1: Hira

Note: As I write this, only the first episode of season 2 has been released. This is based on season 1, episode 1 of season 2, and (sparingly) on translated bits of the novel that I’ve read. There seem to be some issues with the current subtitles so impressions could change as better fansubs come out or if streaming ones are improved. I’m watching the show on Viki so any quoted dialogue is from their subs.

I wrote about pursuer-distancer dynamics in this previous post. Now I’m going to dig deeper into how they play out in Utsukushii Kare. I recommend checking out the more detailed explanation of pursuer and distancer roles in that post, but I’ll give a super concentrated summary now as well.

So, a pursuer-distancer dynamic in a relationship occurs when one person takes on the role of emotionally pursuing while the other takes on the role of emotionally distancing. These roles are deeply interrelated—they rely on each other in order to work. It’s difficult to sit with the fact that we both crave intimacy and fear it/need some degree of independence. But that difficulty can be avoided if one person expresses all the need for closeness in a relationship while the other expresses all the need for independence. Neither of these strategies really work, but they are meant to fail, at least partially. It’s a “careful what you wish for” situation. If pursuers got all of the intimacy they seek, they’d be overloaded, and if distancers got all the space they asked for, they’d be lonely. Hence the part where they rely on one another to work, to help them fail in the ways they need to.

(Screenshot via MDL by ruiLIKK)

In many ways, Hira is the epitome of a pursuer. I think it’s what makes him fit the role of a seme so well despite constantly putting himself in a subservient position and even refusing direct overtures from Kiyoi. Like most pursuers, Hira seems to want closeness with the person he loves but his covert fears of intimacy and need for independence cause him to sabotage his own efforts. What’s less typical are some of the strategies he uses both to seek intimacy and covertly avoid it, as I’ll talk about more below.

Pursuers are often people with a preoccupied (or “anxious”) attachment style. In Attachment in Psychotherapy, David Wallin describes preoccupied patients as people whose formative experiences taught them that the best way to get their needs met was by “mak[ing] their own distress too conspicuous to ignore.” This would make sense for Hira. His parents (portrayed more in the novels than the show) seem to be disengaged most of the time, but they spring into action when they get worried (a prime example is when they take him to see a medical provider about his stutter and buy him an expensive camera). By the time of the main story, he mostly seems to mask his distress so they’ll leave him alone. But at that point, those early experiences have already had their effect.

Hira’s experiences with peers have been uniformly terrible, and they are also a type of formative experience. As I’ve said, it’s commonplace to have a fear of intimacy as well as a desire for it. But Hira’s history with people his own age would definitely worsen his fears of being close to others. At the same time, these same negative experiences and the fears they’ve created have isolated him, making his need for intimacy even more acute. Like I said in my previous post, Hira is intensely ambivalent about intimacy. (So is Kiyoi, but that’ll have to wait for part 2.)

In his discussion of preoccupied attachment, Wallin goes on to say that the making-distress-conspicuous approach to getting needs met renders the preoccupied person “hypervigilant for actual or imagined signs that a relationship partner might be disapproving, withdrawn, or rejecting.” Yep, this is classic Hira.

As much as possible, Hira interprets everything that Kiyoi says or does negatively—as meaning that Kiyoi doesn’t love him, won’t stay with him, won’t meet his needs, and could never approve of him. If necessary, he’ll create a reason for concern out of nothing.

When you see Kiyoi making this face and his hair starts billowing in a mysterious breeze, you’re inside Hira’s mind witnessing a complete fabrication. (Screenshot via MDL by doramasaurusrex)

At the same time, Hira definitely pursues Kiyoi. His relentless staring communicates his interest. He takes every opportunity to be around Kiyoi. When he gets to communicate with Kiyoi privately, he’s all compliments and reverence. His willingness to do whatever it takes to be near Kiyoi, even behave like a servant, is also a form of pursuit. But, like all pursuers, he has built-in safeguards against accidentally getting (too much of) the intimacy he wants but also fears:

First, he chose a seemingly unattainable object. When Hira first fell for Kiyoi, he wasn’t aware of all the reasons Kiyoi might actually be capable of returning his feelings. Even setting aside his negative bias, he had every rational reason to believe that Kiyoi was unlikely to ever love him back.

By the time it turns out that Kiyoi may not be completely out of his reach, Hira has had a chance to observe his distancing tendencies. Just choosing a distancer as a potential partner is a way of decreasing the risk that you’ll get more than you bargained for by pursuing them.

Next, when Kiyoi builds a kind of friendship with him and even kisses him on graduation day, he changes his phone number. Perhaps he really is unaware that he can replace his submerged phone without changing his number. But personally, I really wonder if a part of him did this intentionally. At the very least, he could still have asked about keeping his number or tried to contact Kiyoi to give him the new one. He had real reason to hope Kiyoi might like him back (if nothing else, the kiss!) and whether by neglect or (on some level) intentionally, he made further contact impossible.

The most pervasive and destructive way that Hira sabotages his own efforts at intimacy with Kiyoi is through his distorted thoughts, including the biased interpretations and pure fabrications I mentioned above. He creates a narrative that says that:

Kiyoi is permanently superior to him, rendering him permanently out of reach

To whatever extent he does attain intimacy with Kiyoi, or even seek it, this is a kind of crime against nature (“touching a god”) that will undoubtedly cause some kind of unstoppable cosmic misfortune as a punishment,

Relatedly, any intimacy with Kiyoi can only be temporary.

This last factor leads me to one other thing I should mention. I was thinking about how I’d conceptualize Hira’s personality. I looked at my favorite book on the subject, Nancy McWilliams’s Psychoanalytic Diagnosis. I felt like I should check out the chapter on self-defeating/masochistic personality (note: not related to masochistic sexual practices!) but was reminded that people of that type are typically more resentful of what they see as undeserved suffering. Hira, on the other hand, perceives himself as completely deserving to suffer. So I looked at the chapter on depressive personality. The main defense depressive personalities use, McWilliams writes, is introjection: turning any hostile feelings inward toward the self. Much more like Hira. This is totally consistent with his pervasive sense of doom, hopelessness about improving his lot in life, and inability to take in positive comments about himself.

Of course, despite his self-sabotage, Hira does actually want to be close to Kiyoi. And he achieves that, in some ways. Pursuers do want intimacy, as their self-presentation suggests, they just tend to create conditions that decrease the chances they will get as much of it as they claim to want. So Hira sabotages his chances of getting his needs met. And every time he does get close to Kiyoi, he feels like he is adding to his list of crimes or the amount of suffering he’ll have to go through later to make up for any joy he feels. It’s like a form of emotional avoidance that dovetails with his behavioral avoidance.

Take, for example, his thoughts (delivered in voiceover) while on his outing with Kiyoi in S2E1. “They say the amount of happiness one feels is predetermined. In that case I may have only misfortune in my future. Kiyoi might dump me. Kiyoi might hate me. Kiyoi might die before me. What should I do then?” I don’t know who “they” are supposed to be here, but this is not an idea I’ve ever encountered in any culture or religion, except maybe Calvinism or something. It seems like Hira has just seized on a somewhat random idea, but this idea feels true because of his self-defeating narrative. It comes as no surprise, then, that when Hira starts ruminating about these possible future misfortunes, he stops himself from experiencing closeness with Kiyoi in that moment—which does not go unnoticed by Kiyoi. “Don’t live in your own world,” he tells Hira. “We’re hanging out in this one.” It barely seems to register with Hira that Kiyoi looks irritated and hurt. Clearly, Hira’s distractibility and negativity when he’s trying to enjoy his company is painful to him. And again, he has managed not only to detract from his enjoyment of the closeness he has with Kiyoi, but also to sabotage the potential for closeness in the interaction he’s having with Kiyoi in the present.

(Screenshot via MDL by ruiLIKK)

It’s worth noting that a related kind of distorted perception seems to affect Hira in other situations where people are showing an interest in him romantically and/or sexually. Take his interaction with that model at the party in S2E1 for example. He’s extremely gullible when he believes her claim that the other attendees are angry with him and think he’s rude. And though he registers that she’s getting close to him and touching him in a way that makes him uncomfortable, he doesn’t seem to understand that she’s putting the moves on him or that she’s interested in him. He’s beyond surprised when Kiyoi shows him the piece of paper with her phone number that she slipped into his pocket.

Watching that scene, I asked myself if I had just failed to notice before that Hira had a profound lack of social awareness. But then I thought about where this had come up and where it hadn’t. Hira shows social awareness in other situations, like when he observes what goes on between the students in Shirota’s circle in high school. It seems he’s only this clueless when it comes to admitting others might like him. The same happened with Koyama, when Hira seemed unaware that they were on a date. Hira does lack social skills in a lot of ways, but his awareness isn’t that bad except in this area. The main issue seems to be that anyone being attracted to or interested in him is classified as “impossible.” This is how, in S1E6, he not only turned down Kiyoi offering to date him but managed not to remember it ever happened.

That’s it for now on Hira’s side of the equation. I have part 2, on Kiyoi, almost ready to post as well, so that should be up pretty soon. Edited to add: I forgot to include another side of Hira’s pursuing role in his relationship with Kiyoi: pursuing sexual intimacy specifically. We get new information about this aspect of Hira and Kiyoi’s relationship in S2E1 in a couple of scenes. In the opening scene, once Kiyoi is awake, Hira asks if he’s angry with him for being “too persistent” the previous day. We don’t know for certain what this persistence was about, but their mutual shyness about it and Hira’s reference to it being caused by Kiyoi’s cuteness suggest that he was hitting on Kiyoi. We don’t know the outcome of it, though. The other moment happens when, after the incident with the model stirs up Kiyoi’s possessiveness, he (bashfully) announces that he and Hira are going to “do it” that day (resulting in a huge grin from a surprised Hira). It’s interesting—and simultaneously endearing and strange—that on the one hand, he can just decide this for the two of them (assumably because Hira always jumps at the chance), which gives him an air of imperiousness, but on the other, that he’s so uncharacteristically shy about it. Both of these scenes are very consistent with Hira’s role as a pursuer. He seems less ambivalent about this type of closeness than others, but he also seems to respect for Kiyoi’s boundaries (”persistence” notwithstanding). Basically, he seems to be on board with being the one petitioning for sexual contact while Kiyoi acts as more of a gatekeeper.

#BL drama #psychology of BL #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare 2 #utsukushii kare season 2 #utsukare #hira x kiyoi #hira kazunari #pursuer distancer dynamic #attachment theory #preoccupied attachment #family systems theory

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iuteamstarcandy · 7 months

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[INTERVIEW] 230922 IU in Elle Korea Oct Issue (Part 2 of 2)

Q: I really do see you repaying others for the love that you have received. Through “IU’s Palette” (shortened as “Palette” below), you’ve been actively communicating with and cheering on girl group juniors like ITZY, New Jeans and so on. Do you feel envious or get curious about the life of a girl group member sometimes?

I do feel envious when I see how they are witnesses for each other’s growth and can share moments of glory like when they win awards. Certainly, I think it’s tiring for them too. The girl group friends I’ve met on “Palette” are all really mature and I’m grateful for the healthy energy that we send to each other. Rather than as a senior, I try my best to show them how I feel as a fan or average person on the streets — things like how much positive strength they give many people as artists, or how much energy I have gained in my life from listening to their music.

Q: You seem to have carved your identity as an emcee through “Palette”. What’s the greatest thing you have gained through this new role?

The main highlight for “Palette” is switching songs (TL note: Singing each other’s songs in one’s own style) That, in itself, is an expression of respect, that “I like your music, so I’ve tried interpreting it in my own style like this.” I’m really really grateful that my guests put in great effort to cover my songs. Singing a song cover is something that I do while practising great caution, because of the worry that I might ruin the song, so it’s not something I do that often.

Q: What do you mean you worry that you might ruin the song?

Yeah, that’s right! If I sing a song that I like, what if I like it less as a result? Of course I have such feelings.

Q: During the Kim Sejeong episode, she had many thoughts about the feeling of passionately liking someone as well as cherishing her own songs while singing them. How much do you like your own songs?

It was an episode that made me think a lot too. For someone who was influenced by my music from a young age and dreamed of becoming a singer, to show me that she likes me, that really gave me strength and the professionalism she displayed when sharing her personal stories and the pride she has in her own songs made her look really cool. As always, I’m sitting on the fence about this. There’s a side of me that loves my songs and thinks that my songs are the best and yet, innately, there’s a side of me that can’t help being critical of myself. Nonetheless, I think self-objectification and having a sense of balance are important. I don’t think I will lean towards either side in the future either.

Q: In your journey of 15 years, I think you would have been very much influenced by the self-awareness that the way your fans consistently support and love you is by treating you like a young female artist. There is a collective awareness that they should protect you from excessive criticism and feedback right?

Having worked throughout my teens and 20s and now in my 30s, certainly the way we work has changed, but I also sensed that the way the general public views celebrities has changed a lot. There is a social atmosphere that we shouldn’t ignore anybody’s opinion as well as the attitude that we should respect and accept even a young celebrity for who he or she is. There are still areas that need improvement, but I think there are more people now who agree that no one should just be hated. Every now and then, I’m touched to see how perspectives have changed.

[TL note: IU previously shared how she was called a pig and booed by the audience when she performed her Mia debut stage at the age of 16.]

Q: Even if you believe that ‘love will conquer all’, you will still be receiving explicit and undying hate. You’re dealing with the hate firmly?

I need to deal with this in separate ways. Some of this is really explicit hate. That’s called an opinion and shouldn’t be lumped together with the feedback that the general public sends me. I think there’s a need to draw a line to clearly and firmly differentiate the two.

Q: During your early days when you made your debut, you said you were afraid of receiving compliments like “you’re doing a good job given your age”. How do you feel about that now? Do you think you’ve become someone who does a good job irregardless of your age?

Having lived through my life so far, I think I’ve found the age that suits me best. In my teens and 20s, I was under pressure to show people an image of myself that matches the impression they have of someone that age. They looked forward to a much livelier and lovelier younger sister sort of image from me than I had the energy to pull off. Actually, at that age I was full of self-hatred and had a pessimistic world-view…

Q: Isn’t that what being a teen is like?

That’s right! That’s ‘real’. (TL note: The irony here that IU’s Real album was not the real IU.) Now even if I speak in my original tone, people won’t ask me, “IU, are you in a bad mood?” When I was young (TL note: younger), I would always have to speak in a tone 3 keys higher. Also, now that I’ve been in the industry for a long time, I get the sense that people no longer observe closely and wonder, ‘what stunt is she going to pull this time?’ They just listen to my music and accept my natural and familiar presence to receive the energy that they can receive from me. I’m grateful for that and I like it. I really like how I just have to think about how to show my thoughts through my music.

Q: You’re aware that you’re still young right?

If I were to have a goal, it would be to hear people say, “Wah, that grandmother is still doing a good job” when I am 75 or 80 years old. Since I heard people saying, “You’re doing a good job given your age” in my teens (laughs). That’s a big change for me. I used to think that when I get older, I would be doing something different, but currently, I’m confident that I’ll love my job for a long time.

Q: By the way, you wore the marshmallow suit and went to your 15th debut anniversary exhibition. Do you think your fans really didn’t recognise you? Or were they just pretending?

Yes! If they were just pretending, I would feel very sorry. How considerate they would have been, to pretend that they didn’t recognise me.. But I think they really didn’t know. I really don’t look good in the marshmallow suit. I’m the only short and ugly marshmallow we ever had (laughs).

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

#IU #interview #elle #Oct 2023 #magazine

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cyanide-e-pistachio · 8 months

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Shuake Spicy Fic Recs✨

Hi everyone! I’ve noticed a lot of amazing Shuake fic rec posts, but not a lot when it comes to the spicier variety 🔥 so I’m gonna link a few of my favorites! When it comes to Shuake, I like dynamics of all varieties and read a lot based on mood. So I’ll try to divide these as best as I can!

What are my credentials, you may ask? I'm just a simple gal who likes to read and write :3

If You Want Something Deceptively Wholesome - The Joy of Asking for It by Stealth_Noodle (One-shot, 6k words)

A post-canon, established relationship fic that is simply a wild ride through and through, ending with a lovely little domestic scene that warms the heart <3 I love this author's writing style and how they make everything so engaging!

If You Want a Good Top!Goro Fic - Advantageous Positioning by coleslawed (One-shot, 7k words)

Starts off with a really captivating cold open, has a fun mini-character study of Akiren, and has a good, assertive Akechi! I remember really loving how this author could write such compelling prose.

If You Want a Good Top!Persona 5 Protagonist Fic - We'd Feed Well the Land and Worry the Sheep by cookietosser (Multichapter, 34k words)

This is an older fic, but still so good. If you want a confident, doting Akiren, this is the fic for you! It's set during Sae's Palace arc where the two start to bond through nap dates, things escalate quickly, and Akechi has a bit of a crisis about it, lol. Aside from the smut, this is also just a great fic overall and a true classic for me!

If You Want a Great Switcheroo - change places! by bangandawhimper (One-shot, 6k words)

I guess if I'm preferential to any dynamic, I love switching, and this one has that in spades. An unspecified AU fic where Akechi tries bottoming for once, much to his (initial) irritation. There were some moments in this fic where I genuinely laughed out loud.

If You Want Something Actually Hilarious - spin cycle by androgenius (One-shot, 6k words)

Again, another fic where I genuinely laughed out loud several times while reading. Akechi and Akiren are neighbors, and a lot of hilarious shenanigans regarding a washing machine ensue (and not in the way you'd think, you heathens!). The writing style makes it an absolute joy to read.

If You Want a Good Amount of Plot - Bullet with Butterfly Wings by CloudMenaceBird (Multichapter, 127k words)

If you want a good plot to go with some incredible smut, this is one of my favorites. It's just an amazing post-canon shuake fic where Akechi wakes up in the Velvet Room and manages to find Akiren again after the events of Royal's final Palace.

If You Want the Oddly Specific Category of “Two People Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing but Pretend to be Experienced Anyways” - what matters most is how you bring joy to life by futuresoon (One-shot, 8k words)

This is simply a classic, through and through. Pretty much everything by futuresoon is, but this is my personal favorite of theirs. I have nothing to say other than this is probably my favorite characterization of Akechi, and that all the subtleties in this work are *chef's kiss*

If You Want WHOLESOME WHOLESOME WHOLESOME - Fools Rush In by Atalan (One-shot, 35k words)

I actually read this work recently, and being. Simply. FLOORED by how good this fic is, and how much it establishes in a one-shot. Essentially, Akiren and Akechi speedrun their entire confidant on the day they first meet at the TV Station, and it has a delicious way of writing that "instant connection" vibe. And it's incredibly wholesome. That is all.

If You Want a New Fav - Good For You by Chaoticconstellation (Multi-chapter, 14k words)

This came out just recently, and it is a new favorite of mine! A wholesome fic where Akiren and Akechi agree to try an experiment to see if physical touch improves Akechi's mood. It features a very touch-starved Akechi Goro who needs (and gets) a hug.

If You Want a Classic - To Catch a Tiger Cub, One Must First Enter the Tiger’s Lair by AyuOakhay (Multi-chapter, 77k words)

This is my personal favorite Shuake fic ever! I don't know what draws me to it - maybe it's because it has a little bit of everything I like! And despite what the tags may suggest, it does have some surprisingly sweet moments. It also inspired my current work!

And there you have it! I have more I can think of and other oddly specific categories, so I may do a Part 2 one day! 💚

#shuake #persona 5 #akira kusuru #goro akechi #persona 5 royal #fanfic #fic rec #akeshu

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emprcaesar · 3 months

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just watched poor things!!!!

i find this movie so delightfully strange. in the beginning it really was such a fever dream with the fervent and colorful setting. l liked the black and white in the beginning to show her constricting circumstances without any color and then when she leaves with duncan color enters her life. she doesn’t understand the situation but she is filled with such curiosity.

her being her own mother is so incredible. it reminds me of that one ethel cain lyric.

she can never escape the melancholy of her mothers life the hopelessness and monstrosity of all of it. she slowly sees the horrors and understands why someone could be drawn to suicide. but the difference is she has a need to know more that draws her to believe in the good in people. she says multiple times that people can always improve. people can be awful but she believes they can always be better.

the setting and costumes and makeup in this movie is INCREDIBLE. i won’t be surprised if they win the oscar for best makeup and hairstyling. they explore this world through the costumes and makeup. this whimsical and futuristic edwardian made me fall in love. the way bella’s costume reflects her maturity when in the beginning her clothes are reminiscent of diapers and childlike silhouette. and as she matures her style changes and shows her own personality that is not influenced by whatever man she is with (when she is a prostitute in paris).

her father figure being called god because his name is godwin is so funny and deep. she relies on him and her religion and faith is dependent on him. but like any person who is raised with religion and didn’t anything different you begin to question it. she cares for him and so much of who she is (her vocabulary and way of thinking) is because of being “raised” by him. but she also develops her own ideas and beliefs when she meets new people and experiences new things. when she returns home at the end of the film and tells her he never made her she was a complete person before and after him.

the men in this movie is so interesting. harry was an amazing character. when he apologized for purposefully upsetting her because he just hates her blissful ignorance and happiness and she’s like it’s okay i understand and i’m glad you did it. and when she told him he’s a hurt little boy and that’s why he act in such cynical way.

duncan who is a crybaby that scream in bella’s face and flips out on her and she meets his emotions with complete apathy and reason. her past husband that said she was his property to conquer and she did not waiver in her determination and confidence in her own being.

i have to talk about cinematography the camera angles and the fisheye lens and the wide shots were so captivating and interesting. it gave this movie such a unique and singular look that you rarely see in film. those shots would only work in a movie as strange as this one. it truly was a marvel.

the movie was a bit slow in the beginning and the plot was fairly boring when she was just having sex with duncan ALL THE TIME. but it started to pick up when she was on the ship and began to question the world around her and her own morals.

i’ve seen a lot of criticism for this movie saying it was like a pedophiles fantasy and glorified it but i think you are entirely missing the point of the film if you believe that. yes all these grown men going for this women with the mind of a child is very disturbing but that’s the point. it’s calling out men for their strange sexually fantasies. duncan begins to hate bella when she begins to mentally mature, saying she lost her spark. the spark being her having a child’s mind and blissful ignorance.

there is A LOT of sex in this movie its one of the big plot points. i actually don’t really like sex scenes in film and tv so that’s my one critique but i do understand why it furthers the plot. the sexuality of women and how bella felt it to be liberating even when she was prostitute and felt indifference for act when she wasn’t given the choice who she would have sex with she still took pleasure in it like when toinette gives her head then cuddles with her. she likes sex but she loves the before and after as well. she wants to speak with someone and understand who they are and she wants the aftercare of sex as well. she doesn’t want sex to be this one sided transaction she want both participants to feel safe and happy.

also love the score for this movie. it was eerie and strange, but oddly beautiful.

i really liked this feminine twist on such a classic story like frankenstein considering mary shelley wrote frankenstein as a desperate plea to her father because she felt neglected in her childhood because of him. frankenstein has always been feminist literature. all in all i’d give this movie a 4.6/5 i really enjoyed it!

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tadpolesonalgae · 3 months

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hey! it's been a while, tbh. i still read your works and check your profile pretty regularly, but i don't think i've sent an ask in a while. i think you complimented my writing style last time(that it was fun to read, i think?) so thanks for that. i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.

anyway, you've heard about this from multiple people, me included so i won't rehash it, but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it. anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it? if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.

anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize. admittedly i think it would be fun it it came about because of him being jealous or something, but i know it's more realistic for it to be bc of the confrontation(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).

i think of all i'm most interested to see how everything az said in the beginning affects reader once they have a cordial relationship and/or a romantic one, where i think it's most likely that az just doesn't make up for the words he says because he's sure that r knows they're false and that he'd only said them in the heat of the moment and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat. (admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).

oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh. quite a thing that's usually make or break in a relationship where i think i would be quite concerned if someone stayed in a relationship after that tbh. unsure how one would come back from that, but perhaps it is a personal thing.

feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!

(if you're fine with it, i would like to be * anon?)

Hello hello!!!

‘i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.’

Honestly same, I’ve been recapping since I’m working on part 13 and i’m looking back and realising he has to be on perfect behaviour from now on or reader’s going to turn her head the other way 🫡

‘but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it.’

So, someone has definitely mentioned the fact that if he starts acting better around reader only once her mental state begins improving, there’s the concern of “you only love me at my best” scenario, which is definitely not what we want! Anyhow, we’re getting closer to the main turning point in the story which I hope will be a relief to hear, so there’s going to be a lot of reconsideration on past decisions and adapting to new developments that arise as the story goes on, which in turn, will allow Az and reader’s relationship to evolve to something better and healthier :)

‘anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it?’

Honestly it’s not going to change dramatically, I don’t think? She’s still going to be nervous when entering new territory with him, because I feel that’s a quintessential part of who she is 😭 what will change is likely how she manages the nerves and how Az interacts with her worry, learning how to work around and with one another and sync up their habits so they can coincide :)

‘if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.’

Thank you for including this 🧡💛

I think for the most part, it’s only the points of interest outside their relationship I’d like to keep quiet on, since those are more plot related and i’m honestly kind of excited/anxious to learn what people think when those Events happen! Also some of it, reader will also be learning on her own, so I’d like your experience to be as close to hers as possible, which includes for the most part not knowing if her life is changing for the worse or for the better :)

‘anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize.’

This part I haven’t yet gotten around to fully thinking through. It’ll probably be something like getting some segments from his perspective where we see him connecting reader’s actions to things that have happened in the past and understanding some of the things that need to change or be addressed to progress?

‘(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).’

I’m think the actual scene might have to be in a longer chapter, just because I would like to keep people immersed, and with how long it sometimes takes me to update cbmthy, I don’t want people having to wait to see what happens until it’s passed 😭

‘cordial’

Such a tangent but I love this word so much 🤌

‘…and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat.’

I think this whole issue might be addressed over the course of a few discussions? Again, I haven’t fully figured out how it’s going to unfold so it’s certainly subject to change, but I think because self-doubt is an integral part of reader’s thinking process, it’s not something that would be remedied in one talk. Either way, I’ll do some more thinking about it and see if anything comes to mind :)

‘oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh….’

This will most likely also be included in those discussions, since it’s not just Elain but also Mor reader compares herself to. I think with Elain, that’ll probably be a topic that comes up with Az? I think? 🤷 Then with reader’s subconscious comparisons with Mor, I think that might just be a relationship she needs to fix on her own? Seeing Mor as her own person rather than someone Azriel loved is likely going to be something she has to unlearn and overcome :)

‘(admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).’

😳🫣👀🤝

‘feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!’

I love getting to talk about it, thank you so much for being interested ☹️

I really hope the story continues to be enjoyable despite how long the chapters take to write and how it sometimes takes a while for things to happen :)

#* anon <3 #*#cbmthy

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