#but I've stopped deluding myself

[winepresswrath]

When Crowley says he understands what Aziraphale is offering a whole lot better than Aziraphale does Aziraphale loses the plot (the plot is that he loves and trusts Crowley). He's spent so much time being condescended to and belittled and is currently high on approval and sympathy from an authority figure who thinks ingesting things is cool and not disgusting at all! So feeling like Crowley is talking down to him in that moment is doubly a slap in the face because it's Crowley not being on his side (horrible) but it's also Crowley saying that Metatron's validation doesn't count and he's dumb for thinking it should. This is all very sympathetic but also Crowley was right!!! Crowley was right about everything Aziraphale doesn't understand because for all he's suffered for being himself he has never been cast into hell and had to develop a whole new identity about it, and so it really was the actual worst possible time to break out "I forgive you."

Also c'mom buddy I know you weren't there for "I was only asking questions" but that metatron's "always wanted to go his own way... always asking damned fool questions" really Aziraphale??? REALLY????

#I'm still grieving for Crowley also being a nobody #but I've stopped deluding myself #angelic it girl Crowley has been confirmed #everyone thinks he's cool and hot except for Gabriel who thinks the natural order is to be cool and hot so everyone else is just a loser #also he is just like. terrified of Gabriel and gives zero shits about any other Angel #thought that might be after he realizes he can do mega miracles with Aziraphale by his side #anyway Crowley is important not just in rank but because #his fall predates eve hes the proto eve so of course it's him in the garden saying don't you want to know #ms. can't stop asking questions themselves #I'M STILL BOOING #but ill take it #good omens spoilers #good omens season two spoilers

[lightningfilledsaber]

Ever hear a song that you KNOW is something someone you cut off is fucking playing to act all sad and mopey about you leaving? Follow up question: how do keep yourself from beating the shit out of someone without feeling like you're going to literally explode

#mud rambles #bad coping mechanism hours el oh el #just ruminating dw #I need to fucking sleep lmfao #anyway to indulge my paranoia a bit! #reminder to people I explicitly cut off and/or don't speak to for a reason that you're doing nothing but stroking your own bitchass ego by #'checking up on me' aka stalking my page #learn to not be such a self centered bitch and grow actual human decency <3 and sincerely fuck you #if I wanted your fucking concern i wouldn't have cut you off #it's kinda fucking late for it especially when i was literally fucking begging for it while we were still 'friends'! #you don't get to keep pretending you care! #and as much as you wanna delude yourself into thinking you actually do care trust me as someone who has actual delusions. you don't #you wouldn't have treated me the way you did if you actually had. especially when i literally. fucking begged you to work with me #stop making excuses. stop 'explaining.' i don't fucking care. it doesn't fucking matter #i've already gone over every possible fucking reason you would've done what you did. trying to 'offer an explanation' does nothing #except. again. stroke your own fucking ego #i've already recognized i'm at fault for letting myself be your fucking doormat and not standing up for myself sooner #however! lol! doesn't fucking mean i deserved what happened or that your 'reasons' matter #you assholes know i'm incredibly self aware. more self aware than y'all like to pretend i am #because to y'all i'm either a stinky dumb man who doesn't get it or just 'your boy' who apparently has just as much self reflection as y'al #which is to say. lol. absolutely fucking none #some advice. stop projecting and work on your motherfucking selves. i've been doing it since beffore i even met y'all #as much as y'all wanna ACT incompetent. you're not. grow the fuck up. you're both literally significantly older than me. #anyway that's enough for now I need to be normal. do something before i go to sleep so i don't just stay up thinking about this lol #because i'm at least actually putting effort into being a functional adult :-)

[louve-garoue]

Sometimes I feel like my mom and sis really don't know just how much I take upon myself for them and they are definitely not good at returning the favor

#I know it probably happen the other way around too #But SIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHHH #Yes yes I ruined you're fun but I was trying to not have a meltdown back then do you mind ? #vent in the tags btw #Also it's not like I asked that big of a favor seriously #“Oh it's your fault for not bringing your headphones” #First headphones are not miracle worker especially with how loud everything was #And I'm sure you would have the same reaction if I asked you to quiet the music instead of changing it #Second I never needed them before ?? They help but it never got to the point of them being a need ??? #Like I have no idea where the idea that it had came from #You may be deluding yourself here tbh #Stop trying to say that my sis and I are both responsible Mom #There was no way I could have predicted this would get this bad #Also even if headphones would have made the situation bearable enough for me #To just go 'oh yeah no need to make a fuss let's just endure this' #I WOULD HAVE STILL BEEN FUCKING MISERABLE #I get that you wanted to enjoy yourself #But I would have liked to enjoy myself too you know instead of swallowing in my frustrations #Actually fuck this shit I'm realizing that I've letting other have their way #without voicing my dislike of them so much #That people are starting to not only step over boundaries #But also get upset when I finally tell them that they need to stop #And of course this lead to a whole bunch of misunderstanding #Because I made them think there was no problem in the first place #FUCK #I need to speak up more #But I know it's going to be hard #Because well there is a reason I rather shut myself up before #Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurg I hate it here #*Heavy Sigh*

[astonmartinii]

love love love these social media aus. i am obsessed. would love to see a soft launch with carlos maybe of him showing her spain and his home? carlos just screams old money european vibes and i love it

old money | carlos sainz social media au

pairing: carlos sainz x reader a class in soft launching 101

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 301,671 others

carlossainz55: some much needed time at home

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username WHOMST?

landonorris so i see my invite was lost in the mail?

carlossainz55 i thought you were tired of third-wheeling?

landonorris touche

username was deluding myself that it was maybe his sister but the third-wheeling comment just slapped me in the face

charles_leclerc ahhhh my favourite sainz

carlossainz55 thanks mate you're my favourite leclerc too charles_leclerc i meant the dog mate arthurleclerc that's not what you said to me at imola sainz

yourusername

liked by carlossainzz5, yourbff1 and 21,761 others

yourusername: let's go explorin'

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username i'd eat her last when we eat the rich

username what i'd do to be her friend? assistant at least?

username i saw her in madrid the other day and omg she's even more graceful in person

username her posture is insane i need it bad

username while she looks great and you're all right - are we ignoring that a MAN is driving the car?

username i am ignoring it because i don't want to think about it username she can't be the coolest person in the world and be in a relationship it's not fair

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 359,561 others

carlossainz55: blood is thicker than water

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username my favourite pastime is watching the old money aesthetic overtake carlos' entire being as soon as he sets foot back in spain

landonorris oh he's getting braver

carlossainz55 you gonna be bitter under all my posts cabron? landonorris until i'm wifed again, yes.

username so like why is y/n here?

username is that defo her? username i was referring to her liking the post but now you say it, the girl on the horse does look suspiciously similar

charles_leclerc mommas boy

carlossainz55 didn't know it was a crime to love my mum

username so yall be yelling about y/n but not telling us who she is and why she matters

username y/n y/ln is a spanish socialite whose family own a lot of the high end restaurants in madrid but she's most known for her poetry and style username so do we hate or love her? username i like her, and a lot of people do, just usual dislike for being grossly rich but from what i've seen she's pretty down to earth

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 29,871 others

yourusername: keeping the operation smooth

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username THIS ISN'T FUNNY

username stop playing with us please

username i feel like this is all the confirmation we'll get

username y'all i know he's an f1 driver and everything but we all know he's PUNCHING

username i need her haircare routine STAT

f1wagsupdates

liked by username, username and 1,249 others

f1wagsupdates: it's all but confirmed!! after a pretty solid soft launch from both carlos and his new lover y/n y/ln, her latest post was captioned "keeping the operation smooth", playing on carlos' iconic theme song. our sources state that the driver and socialite poet have been together for as long as six months but after other relationships and relative platforms, both were determined to take it slow. what do you think?

view all comments

username they're very cute and i can't wait to see her paddock looks

username bestie i fear you'll be waiting a while she's notoriously private when it comes to event appearances - really only going out for her family or her own events

username they're annoyingly sexy like save some for the rest of us

username this soft launch feels like its been going for about seven years

username f1 drivers defo have a type

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 720,778 others

tagged: yourusername

carlossainz55: mi hermosa

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username AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yourusername you live in my heart

carlossainz55 and i never want to leave landonorris free real estate yourusername my favourite third-wheel carlossainz55 stay out of grown people's business landito

username they're so lana del ray coded

yourusername

liked by scuderiaferrari, carlossainz55 and 71,230 others

tagged: carlossainz55

yourusername: life with you feels like poetry in motion

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username NOOOOOOO WE LOST HER

username but does this mean new poetry ??

carlossainz55 you make me crazy baby

yourusername crazy in love

username when will it happen to me?

landonorris finally i can interact without having a year long argument with carlos

lando.jpeg

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 301,285 others

lando.jpeg: a study in third wheeling, a six month project by yours truly

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username i'm obsessed with this couple actually

carlossainz55 as much as you are annoying landito, thank you for these ❤️

yourusername we love you landito landonorris so i can use the boat yourusername i don't love anyone that much carlossainz55 eh? yourusername other than you obviously

username lando just starts domestics in these comments and i love that for him

note: sorry this one is a bit short, but i hope you enjoyed anyway!!

#f1 #f1 x you #f1 instagram au #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz f1 #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz instagram edit

[yunwooz]

seonghwa fromm message 💭

translation credit to starxhwa

To Atiny,

I'm a pretty strong person, the one you love. I can say I'm fine when you ask if I'm okay. You, the one I love, you're so precious to me. I wanted to say thank you for your hesitant and cautious words. Even though I've been mentally preparing for a while, the reality of the separation didn't hit me. It choked me, it choked me so much. I didn't realize my dad's shoulders were so small until I saw him cry. I prayed and promised to become a better person, but I wonder if I'm already a good person. I don't know, no matter how hard I try, I don't know. But the words you left behind are so warm that sometimes I delude myself into thinking I'm a good person.

I just want to freeze time in this moment. I want to cry out loud, but I'm afraid I'll fall apart if I do, so I just wipe away the tears without even realizing it. I want to cry in my brothers' arms, I miss you so much. Does grandma know? That so many people are offering comfort and sharing their hearts? She'll definitely be grateful. She'll be happy. Still, I'm fortunate that I can see. I'm grateful for this time when all the coincidences aligned.

I'm grateful that I can say my last goodbye. I'm grateful that I can hold my dad, mom, and our aunts tightly. I'm grateful that I can share my heart. If my dilated pupils have lost their light, it's probably because I can't hold you in my eyes. Come and fill my black irises with the light of you. I say I miss you once again. It's so long. It's too long. They say time is medicine, but it takes too long to receive that medicine. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

The weather is so nice. Yeah, there are cloudy days and days like this too. I hope my heart will be like today someday.

Come to think of it, about a year ago, I poured out these feelings. Time doesn't wait, so I feel like I can't stop. I want to be the best for you. So, I guess I'm using the excuse of responsibility to fill my heart without knowing my true feelings. It might take me a while to do what I need to do and empty out the love I've received. It's not too late. If you believe in me, you know that. Thank you for being there for me when times were tough. I'll get through it again with your warm words. I hope today's dawn won't be too long.

#death tw #seonghwa #ateez #:(

[chiyoso]

original pin

hi pookie. to those who read this the first time, welcome back, to the first time reading this. this is a re-write. an update. i kinda found the initial update i did rushed, not clearly descriptive of my situation outside this writing hobby of mine. also for the ones that i tagged, i have notes for you <3 (sorry for the tag 🫶🏻)

alright. hello hello. i'm chiyo, a jjk-focused/sporadic genshin and hsr fanfic writer, and you've caught me, and this blog in such bad time, and im so, so very fucking burnt out.

writing for me should be fun, stress relieving, and that goes for any other hobby i have. i have been told and supported countless of times to take a rest, to take a break from this, but my stubborn ass continues to try and get something out, anything to keep my blog alive, hells, it feels like a toxic relationship where i keep coming back, because i remember all the fun, happy and fond times i had in this app, only then to return to why it becomes draining, exhausting.

just sat there, occasionally laid on my back, using my phone, but with unmoving thumbs, with a brain lacking the world that needs the narrative to make a story, fuck, where has it gone?

that innocent, startup of mine, the newfound love and interest for that world of fiction that you all create. dude, i remember being so happy discovering that this brain of mine can conjure up so many shit, all because of your words, it's fucking amazing. hence, the start of the era of my honkai star rail writing journey. (hsr/hi3rd fans who followed me, i let you down with my jujutsu kaisen brainrot obsession im sorry lmao)

“take a break hira,” “take a break chiyo,” “please, take a break.”

i've heard it all, and with utmost love and respect, thank you.

thank you for everything, every word, every action, and every peep of interest you all had for me. small and big creators, who, stopped by because of my small percent chance drop in on their feed, because of the stories i created that you shared, i've met so many wonderful, inspring and motivating people in tumblr, fuck, i didn't expect to crrate a little community all by myself, with my grit alone, it's so rewarding for someone who strives for perfection, for someone who struggles with her mental health daily, for someone who deluded themselves in a world of fiction, I can't express my genuine gratitude enough.

i'm not quitting. maybe i should've mentionrd that earlier to prevent you from getting rattled, but continuing off, i don't find myself quitting this writing journey, maybe i'm just not in the right mental headspace for it at this time. damn, my ex really fucked me up LMAO.

right, i'm aware of the less and lessening interactions i've had with the people i've encountered throughout tumblr, i feel sick of myself for not being able to catch up, nor interact with any of you as much as i could anymore, it really, really fucking sucks, i hate it, i hate it, i do.

i still have leftover projects to go over and publish, because i still want MY ideas, MY thoughts, MY worlds of fictional prowess to all of you. i'm not done, but i will say, that i'm- i'm so incredibly, so very sorry to the ones that were highly, to the heavens, expecting greatness from me, to the ones who were anticipating my unfinished stories, fuck, there's so much to do, yet my body, my mind, they do not respond, as if i'm losing my sense of time, literally.

all i can say to those sticking with me because of their plain interest for me, i wish, i pray, i'll beg, beg for me, my soul, my mind, my body, my spirit to heal, and heal faster, so i can love you all at my 100%, not with my trying 20%, and lower.

thank you. to the old, and to the recent supporters that got me to 3k followers and counting, fuckin' wild. actually insane.

i'll continue to write. i'll continue to create. i don't want to quit.

i don't want to leave the only thing that gave me freedom, and the genuine happiness the first time, making me discover shit about myself, and there's that.

p.s. apologies for my jjk brainrot everyone who followed for genshin and hsr <3 also that one popular otome game, love & deepspace? yeah, that shit's also fucking me up so good.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: (lawd i feel bad for tagging)

@ainescribe @wanderingconstellations @teapartyspilled @v3lv3tf0x @ciarchivez ⸻ you fucking OGS. literally five pillars of my life, the cheerleaders, my absolute undying support of this blog, you saw me at my noob tumblr handling form, the lows, the highs, and the absolute peaks, i consider all of you special, i do, you all made tumblr and the writing community such a fun place for me. thank you, thank you, i just can't spam that voiceline enough.

@peachdues @screampied @chuluoyi @blkkizzat @jabamin @flametrashira @meowzfordayz ⸻ you superstar mutuals of mine. we've only interacted sporadically, PLEASE BLAME MY BURNOUT AND COLLEGE SCHEDULE FOR THAT, but all of you invoked so much burning hope, and motivation for me through your stories, AND your interests for me, whether it'd be something about my themes, edits, stories, it doesn't matter, you all took interest in lil' ol me, despite what, being such big content creators? FUCK??? that's insane. thank you.

god, i seriously wish my schedule would just clear up by a fuckton, and then again, i was the one who took psychology and performing arts 💤 i hope, hope HOPE i get to interact with you all again once i take a leave/break from college.

⸻ with all my love, chiyo.

#real shit i think i just need dick #that or a love so overwhelming from a person that theyll die for me cos id do the same

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Hi, it's me again, and i bring another small debate about the kids.

In the group, who do you think is more prone to jealousy and possessiveness? because i've recently come to known there's a difference between those two terms (i legit had no idea, sorry)

I guess Hyunjin doesn't jealous in any way, since he's so confident on himself. He'll maybe want to "mark his territory", but wouldn't ever feel threatened by anyone.

With Chris it's confusing, because he fits both for me. He gives off the vibes that he'll put you an invisible collar to mark you as propietry but he'll also growl at anyone that looks at you (god i'm really describing him as an alpha wolf thing, forgive the cringe)

i'll love to hear your opinions about it

Hey @lyramundana

Yeah, there is a difference once you really learn how to look for it.

Don't worry about not knowing, it is tricky to understand at first.

This is MY take so don't take it as gospel.

Possessiveness:

Is the feeling of ownership over someone and the feeling of being top priority.

'I should be the first person you talk too because no one can take care of you like how I can'.

Jealousy:

Is the fear of insecurity around being replaced by someone more superior to you.

'You can't talk to other people because you can't be happy with anyone but me'.

They're both toxic examples but you get it 🤷‍♀️

Possessive Vs Jealous:

Possessive:

Bang Chan

Lee Know

Changbin

Seungmin

Jealous:

Han

Felix

Hyunjin

Jeongin

So let's talk about Bang Chan and Hyunjin:

Yes, Bang Chan and Hyunjin are both possessive and jealous but on different ends of the spectrum.

Bang Chan is more possessive than jealous because his 'Alpha' energy means he genuinely believes a lot of the time that no one can look after you like he can.

There's clear evidence of this when Chan got really emotional in one of his ending-ments in SK where he said:

'You mean the world to me. I'm gonna protect each and everyone one of you, all the members staffs, fans, I'm going to protect you all. No one is going to touch them'

(The translation is rough but you get what I mean).

Now, let's be realistic here.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for Chan to protect every Stay because there's too many of us, he can't physically do it.

BUT!

That's not going to stop him from trying, so if he's like this with Stays...can you imagine what he'd be like with his partner?

And this just further reinforces my view on him having a caregiver complex.

Hyunjin is more the 'jealous' type because he's more concerned about being seen as inferior in your eyes rather than actually 'being' with you per-say.

It's like, he wants to be the best in your eyes but it doesn't matter whether he 'owns' you, he just wants to be seen as the top option.

This is seen in his song 'Ice Cream':

I delude myself into thinking that someone's who cold to everyone is only warm to me'.

He wants to feel special and prioritised and if he doesn't... jealousy ensues.

But I would say Jeongin is probably the most jealous member out of all of them.

Have you seen his reaction when ppl ask about his brother?

#whatudowhennooneseesyou moots #bang chan x reader #stray kids smut #skz smut #hwang hyunjin x reader #kpop astrology #stray kids hard hours #skz hard hours

[shenlis-spear]

THE LEGEND OF SHEN LI 与凤行, 2024

⇢ starring: zhao liying, lin gengxin

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. (I'm talking about The Legend of Shen Li)

Let me preface this by saying I'm biased. And it's been a million years since I tried to put my thoughts into writing so this is gonna be all over the place and long-winded. And probably wouldn't make any sense. So here it goes.

I really enjoyed The Legend of Shen Li. Do I love it? With all my charred heart. Do I think it's the best drama this year? It's still April. It's hard to say. Are Shen Li and Xing Zhi the best power couple? This shouldn't even be a debate.

Honestly, I didn't even plan to chase this drama while it's ongoing because I binge watching drama is what I enjoy best. However, I was bored. And The Legend of Shen Li's trailer looked interesting. And my heart still needs healing from the mess of an ending that is Princess Agents. I needed closure. So I started watching the drama, and boy oh boy did it drag me down one hell of a roller coaster ride of emotions every single night. (No, I'm not complaining.)

However, before I talk about the things that I really loved about the drama, I have some things to say about the stuff that kind of irked me. Because no drama is perfect (unless it's Nirvana in Fire).

So let me get started on the things that I feel like the drama could've done better.

Musical scoring - the OST's? Chef's kiss. However, they way they're putting music on the scenes are a hit and miss. Most of the time it just distracts me from the scene and I just get bored with the mv-ish scene. I wish cdramas especially custom ones would stop this. I don't need 5 mins of the leads staring at each other in all angles accompanied by a really nice song. I'm here to watch a drama. Although, I kinda did get used to it in the latter episodes (specifically ep35-38) because I definitely needed a minute or two to process the emotions.

The progression of the story - One thing. I'm confused. Not to the point that "I don't understand the plot confusing" but still confusing nonetheless. There was no consistency in the scenes and the dialogues. (Ex fishing village). There was no flow. I feel like someone messed up the storyboard and when they edited the scenes they were also confused. Or maybe this is the issue of the translation of the dialogue? I don't even know. Still, I definitely think this part could've been done better.

The internal monologues - sigh when I said the thing I love most in dramas are their dialogues I don't mean what's happening in The Legend of Shen Li. The characters just talk (or think?) too damn much I can't keep up. They're supposed to be the characters whom their actions should tell the story but the way they're narrating the whole plot to me is just so jarring. Am I watching a drama or listening to an audiobook? Sometimes I can't tell. I wish they'd tone it down but it just got worse with the later episodes.

The camera - this is just me being nitpicky but there are some random camera angles especially the spinning ones that probably is supposed to make the scene dramatic but all it did was make me wanna vomit.

This is not in any way, shape, or form hating on the drama because I genuinely enjoyed it. I've deluded myself into waiting for a Princess Agents S2 but I got a better deal and had Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin to reunite in a new project which is better in my opinion because Princess Agents is a hot mess. There was really no saving that one.

So moving on to the things I like! But like, where do I even start?

First of all, Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin. Chemistry so good, they had to be casted in another drama. Everything about them was just so perfect for the drama and the role. Could not ask for a more perfect casting than them. The 7 year wait was almost worth it.

The WOMEN! - so much room for improvement regarding the characters but I loved that the women were not treated as damsels who always needed saving. I have to say 5 1/2 braincells were working throughout the drama, 2 from Shen Li, 1 from You Lan, 1 from Jin Niang Zi and 1 from Shen Mu Yue (1/2 from Xing Zhi because he's too unbothered if it's not related to Shen Li).

Shen Li - might not be the best female character in cdramaland but I think she can hold her own place. She's stubborn, a bit reckless but she's loyal and righteous. She's a strong woman without being a stereotypical cold and ruthless strong woman. Shen Li is a strong woman at the same time also a mad woman in love. She does not have to be one or the other. The more I write this the more I'm falling in love with her character. You just don't find a character like her. She is Shen Li. A capable general. A strong leader. An empathetic comrade. A respectful student. A woman in love. She is not just one of them but all of them.

Lin Gengxin is pretty believable playing as an ancient god. He has that air around him that screams your highness. He played the lofty and aloof Xing Zhi to perfection.

And what can I even say about Zhao Liying? As always miss ma'am played Shen Li perfectly. Whimsical, stubborn, in love and devasted in love, you can feel all those emotions just watching her eyes.

It has angst but not too much that we as viewers would spend multiple episodes pulling out hair of frustration about the misunderstandings and accidental killings. (Not a shade to any specific drama but just to the xanxia genre in general). It has the perfect balance of angst, romance and comedy. You laugh, cry and giggle all in one episode. The comic relief scenes are naturally funny and doesn't feel forced. Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin's comedic timing are 👌.

The conflict was handled maturely and the confession was direct but still heart fluttering. Throughout the drama, they both got their heads perfectly placed on their shoulders.

The last episode! Let us talk about the last episode because when has a drama provided that kind of fan service just making one whole episode of shenanigans and fluff. After going through the angst, the reward that is the last episode is just too good and definitely worth all the tears.

Also, can we talk about Dong Jie's guest role? I know miss ma'am is good but when I tell you I cried for a minute because of her story arc? Just hands up and mic drop. So so good!

Now that all of these are out of my system, hopefully I can move on to the next obsession, whatever that may be. I'll still probably watch episode 39 on a daily basis though. It's just too enjoyable and it makes my day. Will probably, revisit this "review" in the future and update it because I'm aware that at this point it's not making a lot of sense.

RATING: 9/10 REWATCH VALUE: 10/10 definitely would watch again! ACTING: 10/10 CATEGORY: GUILTY PLEASURE

#the legend of shen li #与凤行 #drama review? #zhao liying #lin gengxin #guilty pleasure #happy ending #best last episode everrrr #incoherent ramblings

[64yrsold]

patient

it's trope night!!!! i've really enjoyed write anything that you want to week <3 i've got a little friends to lovers for you. enjoy!!!

“Matty, where are you?” I cried over the phone, storming down the sidewalk.

“What’s happened?” he replied, worry streaking through his voice.

“I need a fucking drink, are you at home?” I choked, pulling my jacket around myself tighter. God, it was fucking cold.

“Yeah, should I come get you?” he asked, “I’ll come get you.”

“I’m already here,” I stood at his doorstep, listening to him clamber down the stairs. He swung the door open, both of us still holding our phones to our ears.

“What did he do?” he frowned, jaw tense at the sight of me. I rubbed at the smudged mascara under my eyes, watching him slip his phone in his pocket.

“What makes you think he did anything?”

“It’s always him,” he spat, ushering me inside with an arm over my shoulder, “Fucking useless prick.”

“I haven’t even said anything yet,” I gave him a hollow laugh, letting him sit me down on the couch.

“You don’t have to,” he grabbed a bottle of whisky, ignoring my sour expression as he handed me the bottle. “Just drink it.” I let the alcohol hit the back of my throat, the sting more comforting than usual.

“You’ll like this one,” I rolled my eyes, passing him the bottle. He handed me a tissue as he took a slow sip.

“Go on,” he nodded, eyes expectant and patient, “How tall was he again?”

“You could take him,” I shrugged, “How about we pay him a visit after we finish this bottle?”

“Gladly,” he smiled, a bit too wide, “Tell me already.”

“He asked me a stupid question,” I sighed, palm against my forehead. “Maybe I’m overreacting, I just-“

“You’re not. Just tell me,” he took another swig. I groaned, burying my head in the couch.

“He asked me to rate my looks. Like, on a scale of ten.”

“Yikes,” he winced, shoving the bottle in my hand.

“Yeah, fucking yikes,” I look up to see him shaking his head, “So, I’m honest, and I tell him I’m a seven.”

“A seven?” he coughed, jaw slack. “That’s… Well, what did he say?”

“He said I was a ten.”

“Okay, good,” he nodded with approval, “What did he say next?”

“He clarified,” I huffed as a tear threatened at my waterline, “That if he didn’t know me, I would probably be an eight.” The tear rolled down my cheek. I took another sip, passing it back to him.

“He said that?” he said in monotone, knuckles white around the bottle.

“I know it's silly, but it just hurt to hear,” I bit my cheek, frustrated. Flames were licking at the back of my throat. “He’s a fucking idiot, I can’t explain it anymore."

“Honestly,” he whispered, “Good fucking riddance.”

I looked at him, shaking my head with a quivering lip.

“No,” he groaned, “No, you’re not serious. You broke up with him, right?”

“I just left, and I walked straight here,” I raked my hands through my hair, another tear wetting my red cheek, “I don’t know, Matty.”

“What is this, strike fucking eleven?” he stood abruptly, the bottle clattering on the coffee table. “What’s it going to take?”

“I just-“ I bit my lip, knowing one more word would have me sobbing in his living room.

“The next time you come over here crying about him, I’m not answering the fucking door,” he paced in front of me, “I can’t see you like this anymore. Why don’t you know what’s good for you?”

“That’s not fair,” I whispered, hugging my arms around my knees.

“I’m sorry, but please, just fucking listen,” he knelt in front of me, dropping to my eye line, “Break up with him.”

“I will,” I couldn’t meet his eyes, “I just…”

“We can go right now,” he said, pulling at my wrists, “I’ll take you to his apartment. I’ll break up with him for you, I don’t care.“

“I’m fine, I’m taking this too seriously,” I shrugged, “I’m sure he has his reasons for saying that.”

“Stop deluding yourself,” he squeezed my wrists, “You’re a fucking ten. Anyone can see that, without even knowing you. And knowing you, you’re an eleven. When you’re hungover, eleven. Sick, eleven. Sobbing on my couch, eleven. Eleven. It’s that fucking simple.” He sighed deeply, standing again. “It’s that simple, and he can’t even do that.”

I let his words sit with me, stirring in my head, then my heart.

“Eleven?” I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yes, fucking eleven,” he rolled his eyes, pulling his sleeves up his forearms, “I’ve known that from first glance.”

“Sure,” I rubbed my palm against my cheeks, collecting the tears.

“You don’t even believe me,” he threw his hands into his hair, “He did this to you. Planted all these insecurities, this doubt. You would’ve never had that with me.”

“With you?” I laughed, without humour, “What are you talking about?”

“With me, yeah,” he sat back down on the couch, “I know I make you happier than he does.”

“As if you were ever an option,” I muttered, “You haven’t been single a day in your life.”

“Neither have you!” he shouted, hands in the air, “If I knew I could have you, I would have waited for you forever.”

“You wouldn’t have waited,” I reached for the whisky, bringing it to my lips, “You barely even showed me any interest.”

“You’re joking,” he caught my hand holding the bottle, “Be serious.”

“You wouldn’t even look at me! For nearly an entire year, you wouldn’t glance in my direction. Why would I think you were interested?”

“Of course I was interested,” his head hung low, “And all those years after, you still thought I wasn’t in love with you?”

My voice was caught in my throat. “In love with me?”

His lower lip hid between his teeth, “Yes, in love with you.” His fingers were tight against my hand as we gripped the bottle together, letting it hang in the molasses air between us.

“Don’t lie to me,” I watched his eyes, sinking into his pupils, “Because I have always loved you.”

“I don’t lie to you.”

The bottle slipped from our hands, shattering to the ground. Amber liquid spread over the hardwood, crawling under the couch. He didn’t even flinch. He snapped to me like a magnet, mouth on mine in an instant. My chest caved in, my perfectly organized emotions and carefully concocted delusions tumbling inwards, joining the pool of whisky below us. His mouth was desperate, the years of braided patience severed as soon as our lips met. My hands gripped his shoulders, his waist, his back, all the places I had daydreamed of kissing and memorizing. His hands were free, too, holding my jaw tightly. I could finally taste him, taste his carefully watched mouth. He kissed confession after confession into my mouth, and I prayed he’d never relent.

//

#write anything that you want to week #matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #matty the 1975 #matty x reader #matty healy x reader #64matty #friends to lovers

[mimisempai]

A joy greater than all others

Summary

Aziraphale believed that for Crowley, there was no joy beyond what the stars made him feel. But thanks to Muriel, he's about to discover that for Crowley, there's a joy that surpasses even that.

Notes

Crowley's star-filled sky is not what it seems...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1452 words

"When is Crowley supposed to join us, Aziraphale?"

If someone had told him just a few months ago that he would be sitting in Nina's café with Muriel, another angel, waiting in the most natural way for his demon partner, Aziraphale would have called the person insane.

But life was unpredictable, and Aziraphale was grateful for that, for these last few months, life had been fulfilling.

Watching Muriel wave to Maggie from across the street, Aziraphale was pleased to see that it hadn't taken the other angel long to settle into their new life, to make friends and find a place for themself.

He was also pleased to see that another angel had opened their eyes to Crowley's true nature and had become his friend, despite the principles that Heaven had instilled in them.

He put down his cup of tea and, after glancing at his pocket watch, replied, "In a few minutes, depending on how his appointment went."

Muriel exclaimed, "Oh, yes, he was meeting the manager of the planetarium today, wasn't he?"

Aziraphale nodded as the other angel leaned towards him and said gently, "You know, I'm glad he accepted the manager's offer. Because it was so lovely to see that smile on his lips that day."

Aziraphale replied, "I'm glad he accepted too. I don't think any joy can beat the one he gets when he talks about his beloved stars."

He smiled with amusement as he thought of Crowley and how he had ousted the poor planetarium presenter for daring to insult his beloved stars.

Muriel's soft laugh brought him out of his thoughts, "I think you're deluding yourself, there's a joy that beats this, or at least equals it."

Aziraphale looked at Muriel quizzically, "What do you mean?"

The angel smiled gently and replied, "I have seen that smile before. Ever since you two have reconciled, the smile he gives when he sees you or is in the same room with you is the same as when he talks about his stars. Even though I haven't known him long, I've seen the difference for myself. Crowley smiles often, often mockingly, sometimes gently, but the smile he has when he sees you, I've never seen before."

Seeing his confused expression, Muriel continued, "He smiles like that when he thinks you're not looking at him. Or when he talks about you. You'll see it when he comes - or right away as he is coming! Try looking at him without him noticing and you'll see."

Crowley had just walked through the door of the cafe and even if Aziraphale wasn't looking directly at him, hidden by Muriel, he could see him.

First he saw him looking for them, then the look on his face when he spotted them, and finally, the moment Crowley laid eyes on him, he saw the smile Muriel was talking about.

He heard the angel whisper, "I told you so! Aziraphale, you're the one who makes him smile like that. Neither I nor anyone else, no matter how close or friendly we are to him, receives that smile." 

They watched Crowley make his way with difficulty towards them, as the coffee shop was particularly crowded on this late afternoon, and Aziraphale still had time to say to Muriel, "Thank you for showing me."

Muriel turned to him and said shyly, "I don't know many people yet, so I'm learning a lot by watching you. And one thing's for sure, Aziraphale, you're a source of great joy to Crowley."

Blushing at Muriel's praise, Aziraphale moved aside to watch Crowley finally arrive at their table and saw his smile grow a little less bright, more guarded, but now that he had seen it, he could never forget it. 

His demon, always so secretive and playful when it came to showing his emotions outside the bookshop.

That didn't stop him from smiling broadly as Muriel bombarded him with questions about his meeting with the planetarium manager.

**********

Later that evening, as he entered the bedroom, he saw Crowley greet him with a gentle smile that reminded him of what Muriel had said to him.

“And one thing's for sure, Aziraphale, you're a source of great joy to Crowley."

He was a source of joy to Crowley. 

He made Crowley smile. With joy.

Aziraphale told himself that this was probably the greatest thing he'd ever done in his entire existence. 

At least, that's how he felt.

He slipped under the covers next to Crowley, who opened his arms so that Aziraphale could snuggle up against him.

After a few seconds of silence, his head on the demon's chest as he played with his hair, Aziraphale said softly, "Muriel showed me something earlier when you joined us at the coffee shop."

Crowley replied, his tone curious, "Oh, and what did our nosy little bee discover?"

Aziraphale turned a little and, resting her chin on the demon's chest, looked up at him before saying softly, "Well... when I told them that there was no greater joy for you than that which the stars gave you, they replied that there was one that surpassed it, or at least equalled it. And that it was me. I know it's probably ridiculous and..."

He stopped because the demon had just put his arm over his eyes.

"Crowley?"

The demon shook his head slightly and replied, "That irritating little bee is absolutely right."

"Oh."

The angel slid up a little and grabbed the demon's arm that was covering his face and pushed it away. Crowley's cheeks were slightly pink from the embarrassment of his admission.

Aziraphale cupped the demon's cheek and ran his thumb over his lips before saying softly, "You don't know how happy it makes me that Muriel is right. Crowley, all my life I've dreamed of one day seeing you or knowing that one day you would feel that joy again; the joy you felt the first day we met. So I was very pleased to know that you'd be able to recapture some of that by talking about your beloved stars in the planetarium. But to know that I, too, am capable of making you feel that way is... I have no words." 

He pressed his lips to the Demon's in a tender kiss and when they parted, Crowley took the Angel's hand that was on his cheek and turned his head, kissing the palm of it before saying softly, "You know, Angel, I won't deny it, you were probably the first to see how much the stars, the heavens, the universes, all of it, exhilarates and enthralls me. And when I didn't have that anymore, when it was taken away from me, it was devastating. And then I met a special angel on a wall. Who smiled with me. Who didn't agree with me, but smiled at me. Who protected me from the rain. I, a demon who had lost my light, you gave it back to me that day. And every time we met. So each time it was as if I had regained a little of my star-filled sky".

Crowley, visibly moved, swallowed before continuing, "Well, I won't lie, of course I'll always be a little sad to have lost that joy, but it was an innocent, naive joy. The joy I have today, with you, is much more precious because it's forged in our history, in what we've been through. So much deeper than the elation of that time. What we are both experiencing today is my sky full of stars".

Aziraphale looked at the demon's smile and remembered his face when he had explained his nebula and what it would do.

“Most of the universe of stars will come pre-aged, but these ones are only starting out. 

A few million years to bake, and then boom, stars everywhere!”

He told himself that their happiness had been like those universes, that he and Crowley hadn't taken a million years to bake, just a few millennia. 

Crowley was right, the happiness they were experiencing now was far more precious because it had been forged in adversity and so much more real.

He watched his demon smile at him and said softly, "Well, it's very pretty," echoing the words of their first meeting.

He could tell by the gleam in Crowley's eye that he remembered as well as he replied, "Oh, thank you.

Aziraphale gently stroked the demon's smile and added, "And I think you've done an excellent job."

Crowley shook his head, kissed Aziraphale's finger on his lips and replied, "I think we've done an excellent job.

Aziraphale nodded before curling up against him.

Yes, they were working together for their happiness.

And indeed, they were doing an excellent job.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

#good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable boyfriends #aziraphale #crowley #good omens fanfiction #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #GOS2Spoilers

[feverdreamsanddelusions]

23

inspo by @the-three-whumpeteers

[tw lady whumpee, betrayal (somewhat), past trauma, implied past captivity]

"I... I'm not sure what to do," Caretaker admitted quietly. "I've never seen her like that... It's... It's jarring. And I don't want to make this about myself and my feelings or whatever, but... I don't know."

"I get that." Medic sighed, placing their notes on the desk and looking up at them. "It's hard for everyone involved. Just... Try to be gentle. I know we were all waiting for her return, hoping everything would go back to normal..."

"It's not gonna go back to normal, is it?"

Medic bit their lip, looking for the right words. In the end, they decided not to sugarcoat it. "No, most likely not."

Caretaker nodded. There was an unspoken tension in the air; a burden they both knew Caretaker carried in this situation. They had always been the right-hand man, the second in command. Now that Whumpee was a mere shell of her former self, was it appropriate for them to step up? Or more like, continue stepping up? They had led the team during the rescue operation and all of that, but... now Whumpee was back, and she was supposed to be the official leader.

"Do you think... we should choose a new leader?" Caretaker's voice was barely above a whisper. Medic didn't even look at them, instead going back to flipping through their medical records.

"I mean, it's hard to say just yet... Who knows? Maybe Whumpee will, uh... snap out of it, in a way. Maybe she'll open up, let me help her, all that stuff... I don't know whether we should make any official decisions yet."

"Right."

The silence that followed was deafening. Caretaker had no idea what Medic was thinking, but if they'd had to guess, they were probably both ashamed of their own lack of decisiveness. Whumpee would've made her choice right away and stood by it, and here they were, skirting around the topic and deluding themselves endlessly.

This was no way to behave. This wasn't what Whumpee had taught them.

"No, it's not right. None of this is." Caretaker stood up from their chair with newfound resolve. "The team needs a leader. I'm going to call a meeting, and we're finally going to discuss this."

Medic almost looked startled by the idea. "Are you sure? Whumpee has barely been back for a week, maybe... maybe we should–"

"Whumpee has been gone for weeks. She'll likely not be functional for several more. Even if we don't choose another permanent leader, we have to stop acting like we can rely on Whumpee for anything right now just because she's back."

The words burned their mouth as they spoke, and Caretaker almost wanted to cry. It felt horrible to talk like this, and they were sure there would be a lot of sobbing during the meeting as well. But someone had to rip the bandaid off.

"Well, if you think it's a good idea..." Medic conceded.

"I'll tell the others." Caretaker turned around to leave the room, instantly bumping into Whumpee as they opened the door. She was standing there with a blanket draped around her shoulders, clutching it tightly with both hands, vacant eyes fixed on a point somewhere behind Caretaker. "Holy shit–"

"What?" Medic leaned forward in their chair to see what was going on, but any further comments caught in their throat at the sight.

Nobody said a word. Caretaker shrank back, suddenly embarrassed and almost afraid of what Whumpee would do, even though she clearly wasn't in a state to do much. How long had she been standing there? Had she heard everything? What was she thinking? It was impossible to tell.

Whumpee slowly padded into the room, ignoring the tense atmosphere as she sat on the examination table. Medic was the first to react, standing up from their chair and quickly walking over. "Is something the matter? Pain? New pain, old pain?"

Caretaker took the chance to slip out the door. As cowardly as it was, they didn't want to be there during a potential confrontation. Nor did they want to make Whumpee uncomfortable, if they were being honest. Maybe she would want to ask Medic about the things she'd heard one on one! Yes, that was exactly why they'd left.

They tried not to think about just how unfit they were for this leadership role. They tried not to think about how each and every one of them were unfit. Surely, once someone was chosen, they'd be able to step up to the plate.

#whump #whump drabble #lady whump #past trauma #implied past captivity #betrayal #res writes

[onecornerface]

the time I trolled 4chan as a fake flat earther for six hours in 2012

In July 2012, I got on 4chan and pretended to be a flat earther. I passionately argued for flat earth theory for six hours with almost no break. I kept a single thread going the whole time, getting over 400 replies. I’m not sure if I still have a PDF of the thread, but I do have some quotes from people who responded to me. Looking back over this a decade later, I am proud.

[CW: Slurs]

"There's no way you're actually this dumb. There's just no way."

"the flat earth society is one of the best trolls i've ever seen, in all those days of /b/"

"I tried some scientific research on this topic a while ago. I ordered a pizza, got two because the first was not what I ordered. I let the first dry out under a light bulb. Eventually, after a couple weeks, living creatures started populating Planet Pizza, after a while orbiting their home planet. This is proof, that the earth is flat. tl;dr Earth is a pizza, probably on a bigger pizza which probably is in a room with an even bigger pizza."

"Sir your thesis contradicts climate, you don't know what refraction is, you can't explain day and night, ebb and flow and you're also paranoid and/or outright stupid since you believe in conspiracy theory."

"You are a stupid faggot, and the whole of society would be better if you stopped breathing it's air. ...unless, of course, you're a troll. In that case, I'll award you an 8/10."

"I however, HAVE BEEN TO SPACE. Twice. I assure you, having orbited the planet many times, it is indeed a sphere. OP is an idiot, his only defense against me is 'omg gimme proof' which I can, and once given, 'u r part of the illuminatee' Ugh. Ignorant dumb ass piece of shit."

"Damn OP 9/10"

"If we dealt with this on a daily basis i would kill myself."

"Yes my jimmies are rustled, because I hate ignorant, inbred fucks like OP. Go die in a hole. Oh wait, you couldn't, you'd be scared of just falling through into space."

"10/10 OP good trolling, keeping in character and sounding legit"

"9/10 OP. My jimmies will be rustled for the whole rest of the day after reading this tripe."

"[S]ome eyebrows must be raised in the direction of the /b/ros still continuing to argue about this. Better standard should be expected from you guys, but taking away nothing from OP. Excellent work."

"If you're not a failtroll you are, by far, one of the most deluded and idiotic people I've ever seen post on /b/, which is a tremendous feat."

"9/10 for commitment"

"love this thread op 10/10 for still being here." (This was three hours in.)

">Focuses on the obscurely worded >Ignores every other point >Provides no answers About what I was expecting."

"Go hung yourself, please Humanity doesn't need such stupid people like you are"

"I'd believe someone who says the earth is flat compared to someone who claims otherwise and can't grammar correctly."

"I haven't laughed so hard at something on /b/ for a long time."

"OP, I'm not gonna bother asking you anything. I just wanted to let you know this is the best thread I have seen as long as I can remember. You truly are amazing. Good fucking job."

"nice arguments though i am in awe of your reckless faggotry and ignorance and skills of producing believable logical fallacies."

(Four hours in) "I can't believe this thread is still going. OP is the most successful troll of all time."

">Earth is flat >Every other celestial body is round >mfw 1/10"

"Great thread. You are not a troll, I saw you other times here and I knew personally a man from this society."

"holy shit 0 of fucking 10"

"Billiard balls are also flat. Isn't it obvious that they sprites?"

"10/10 OP wins"

">almost 5 hours of this shit 10/10"

"Big respect OP. OP is alpha as fuck"

"but seriously, OP is the man destroying everyone with his devasting arguments for hours huge respect man if i would suck a cock then I'd suck yours and I'd propably come before you do"

"3/10. Painfully obvious troll, yet impressive to see so many anons actually failing to make a compelling argument."

"Willy Wonka travelled around the world in 80 days, and ended up back where he started, just in time for tea. You can't explain that."

"Did you ever wonder what happened to Amelia earhart? She flew too far. Gov't shot her down past the ice wall. They obviously couldnt have her come back from that trip, she would tell everyone"

"I myself subscribe to modern rational empiricism, in accordance to which OP's arguments are absolute bullshit. And yet the attempts to challenge his unfalsifiable beliefs have proven mostly futile. A great majority of those posting in this thread have no idea why they should believe the earth is round."

"There has to be trolling here, I seriously can't believe what I am reading."

"this is beyond epic"

"I'm starting to enjoy this so i'm upping you from a 2/10 to an 8 but it ends now."

"OP is now argueing since 6 hours. This is the longest discussion I've ever seen in my life. Of ALL discussions, not only 4chan."

"arguments presented thus far by flatty: >did you personally do the experiment? no? then the results are invalid >here's my evidence; as demonstrated in this experiment someone else did also >oh; you did the experiment itself and it basically shows that the earth is round? >there's probably crazy gravity or some shit; hell if i know or >just because we can't explain every one of these phenomena and a spherical model can doesn't mean we're wrong. i'm serious you guys also >pictures lie and you should never believe them; despite mind boggling quality and quantity available for universal use online"

"Explain how we can have fat asses and tennis balls but a flat fucking earth."

"9/10 OP, well done!"

#flat earth #4chan

[cerealyoam]

Scaramouche comforts you after you have an argument with your parents

a/n: did i make this on a whim? yes. did i nearly cry? Yes!

***

You curl up in Scaramouche's arms, him only wrapping them around you comfortingly. Yet again, you just wanted to be reminded that you were a human being.

At times like these, you can't help but slip into your bad habits of self-loathing and dehumanisation. You wanted to slip right back into believing you weren't worthy of love, comfort or affection -- because then it at least made sense why you didn't get enough of it.

Alas, Scaramouche wouldn't let you. Whenever you get a bad call from your shitty parents, he'd wrap you in his warmth, stopping you from thinking the things you shouldn't.

"Why didn't they do this for me?" you ask.

"I don't know," Scaramouche replies. "Whatever the reason, they suck."

"Maybe I'm over-exaggerating it. Maybe I've deluded myself into thinking this is all some big deal when it isn't," you continue. "What if, all along, they've only been doing what they should, and I'm just too sensitive to take it?"

"You're not too sensitive," Scaramouche corrects. "You're just more sensitive than the average person. And, that usually happens because you were hurt when you were younger."

"Really?" you ask. "I feel like, all my life, I've been demanding too much of my parents' attention."

"That's a normal thing," Scaramouche rubs his hand in your hair. "It's okay to need more attention than others."

"Really?" you drawl, again. "I don't know…"

"Stop questioning your feelings, for fuck's sake," He moves to cuddle you as you lay on him. "Your feelings aren't to be questioned right now. Question your thoughts later. Right now, you're sad, and I'm going to prove to you that you're worth loving."

You figure you can't argue with that…

"Thank you," you sigh, closing your eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

#pov parents suck #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x gn reader #scaramouche x gender neutral reader #scaramouche x reader comfort #genshin impact x reader comfort #x reader comfort

[palant1r]

There are so many fascinating interpretations of light's cannonball into immorality but i have no friends to talk about it with 😭 so why do u think light went so evil so quick? one of my fave interpretations is that, even tho light spoke a bit on how he thought the world was rotten, his ideology was a retroactive justification for killing ppl using the notebook and that his first two kills were actually just him being "bored" and everything grew from there

Man, okay. I have a confession to make: one of the reasons I find Light so fascinating is that I really see myself in him — we just went down uh. VERY different paths. So maybe I'm projecting a bit, but I find his cannonball both understandable and deeply sad, while simultaneously inexcusable and thoughtless. Here goes:

I think that Light has always been someone who is extremely concerned with being Good. His greatest fear is being Bad. Not to personality type him, but he is the quintessential enneagram type one. He holds a deep amount of anger at perceived injustice, and because he needs to be Good, that anger becomes righteous. The thing is, when people are terrified of being anything but Good, that doesn't actually make them do good things. It makes them justify anything they do as good, and makes them completely unwilling to question their own worldviews because the idea of accidentally discovering they've been Bad is too painful to bear. (Like how, when Ryuk says Light would be the only bad person left, Light pulls out some non sequitur and refuses to even engage with that possibility). Another thing is, Light Yagami finds the Death Note when he's in high school. Maybe if he'd found the Death Note later, he wouldn't have gone full Kira mode. But he found the Death Note at a time in his life when he was starting to come up with his own rigid and righteous moral code without the experience to incorporate nuance. Another thing: his dad is a cop, and as I've discussed, he clearly gets his moral code from his dad but with even MORE anxiety about Doing a Bad.

So he finds the Death Note. And he kills the dude who took those hostages. I think he was just being a stupid teenager here, acting impulsively but convincing himself he was being Big Brained. Remember, cop dad: he believes that Crime is a thing that must be Punished, and that Punishment is a Moral Good. It has to be, otherwise his dad and him by extension are Bad, and that is simply unacceptable. After that, I don't think Light was thinking beyond immediate practicalities — the weight of what he'd done hadn't set in yet. He had to confirm the Death Note's power, because Light is ALSO someone who really needs certainty and control. So he kills that one attempted rapist.

And THEN what he's done sets in. We see Light have a mental breakdown, stare the slippery slope in the face, and then immediately decide to grab a sled.

Here's what I think happened. When he realized what he'd done, Light was left with two possibilities. The first was to admit to himself that he was a murderer — that he had done a Bad Thing, and for Light, doing a Bad Thing is totally indistinguishable from being intrinsically, ontologically Bad. This was obviously too painful. So he went with option two: in order to preserve his own self-image as a Good Person, he retroactively justified his actions as Good. This was made easier by the cop morality poison, since under that framework, punishing evil makes people good. After all, there was no doubt a riot team ready to move in on that daycare who might have killed that guy anyway.

Of course, once he'd done that, he couldn't stop there. Light is also a responsible, dutiful person. Because he'd mentally framed his killings as a heroic and necessary act for the sake of self-preservation, continuing his "cleansing" became not just morally neutral but a moral duty. One that he had to continue in order to preserve his self-image of a Good Person. It's a self deluding feedback loop where his actions are good because he is good, and he is good because his actions are good. Light has absolutely no moral self-awareness because that would force him to confront the most painful truth he could possibly acknowledge. His view of ethics is mind-numbingly, braindead-ly simple (baby's first deterrence theory) (someone get Hobbes on the line, this bitch is trying to be the Leviathan) because it's never meant to be a coherent philosophy in the first place — it's a self-justifying defense mechanism.

It's like...so sad to me. Because I see in Light Yagami the potential for an actual well-adjusted person — he wasn't doomed to turn out like this. As much as we clown, without the Death Note I don't think he'd become the Unabomber. He clearly wants to be a good person! But the Death Note didn't "control" or "corrupt" him, either. It just gave him absolute power to carry out an extreme ideology driven by his police upbringing and moral anxiety at a time when he did not have the experience to pump the brakes.

#death note #meta #light yagami

[drdemonprince]

it honestly breaks my heart that nothing i can do, nothing i can say, nothing i can change about my body, and no decision that i make in how i present will ever persuade a large contingent of queer people to stop thinking of me as some kind of queer woman.

it's an incredibly violating feeling to know that ultimately no matter how big of a game people talk about reimagining gender they never stop seeing you as fundamentally different from a cis guy in some inescapable way.

the cishet people in my life are better at seeing me as a guy than many queer people are. and that's the most sickening part. i dont want to be some pick me cishet prioritizing asshole. it's crazy making that the people who profess to be more enlightened about this stuff are the ones who misgender me, lump me in with women, imply that a relationship with me would be fundamentally different that a relationship with a cis man, and project desires onto me that i've been very vocal that i'll never have. and even most of the trans masc people i know willingly buy into this kind of rhetoric.

this has been a real banger year for disabusing myself of fantasies. accepting that certain imagined realities will never come to pass has been very good for my coping, and for making me finally more of an adult. and i guess abandoning the fantasy of ever fully being comprehended is yet another one for me to let go of.

you can explain yourself over and over and over and some people, many people, will just never get it. because they don't want to get it. because they're incurious and because believing you would disrupt the most self-serving elements of their worldview.

and you know, that's fine. we can get by fine being largely misunderstood. i can focus on behavior and work on communicating what i need rather than making myself sick trying to manage hearts and minds. it's lonesome work but it's better than deluded longing. and while it does mean not thinking too much about the perceptions of a great many people, that doesn't mean it actually has to be done alone.

there are people who get it, and there are people who at least get that it matters to act right. and that matters. that can be enough. it just sucks, because being believed about who you are doesn't feel like a grandiose fantasy. and yet it is.

[vivilingriphyn]

Love the art!

Though I must know, why is Skybound your favorite season?

Reasons why Skybound is my favorite season.

It has stood up to the test of times, especially in my mind in the most unhealthy way possible.

It's the only season where it has STUCK to me since I was 6 and to this day it was only season that keep popping back up and the season where it pulled something in my child brain and the start of my spiral on thinking more fudged up Scenarios in my heads, alternate possibilities and more way to make the season even more messed up than it actually was and as a kid back then that watched cartoon 24/7 and watching that season of Ninjago felt fresh and something I couldn't properly understand back then and that uncertainty of what the fudge was happening made me eat up that season out of pure curiosity and need to understand what was happening, quickly spiraled into an obsession.

That even my child self became quickly aware of and never spoke of Ninjago ever again since and stopped watching but it NEVER made me stop thinking about Ninjago ever since then if I see a lego my brain would immediately think of Skybound and begin to delude myself that, that lego piece was Jay and my brain would spiral once again into my internal world of fanfics, and even when I finally first joined fandoms like undertale, mdzs etc. if I have enough time to myself, my brain would quickly turn to Skybound every chance it gets.

My obsession turned to annoyance but also began to turn to fondness once more and into acceptance, that I just accepted I will never escape Skybound, that the first ever fandom I ever joined wasn’t undertale but Lego Ninjago before I even understood what fandoms were. And Skybound will forever be stuck with me for the rest of my life just like how Jay's trauma from Skybound will forever be stuck with him for the rest of his life.

Nadakhan might've not succeeded in breaking Jay entirely, but definitely succeeded in making me give in and accept that I will never escape from Skybound in the 10 years that I been obsessed with it to an unhealthy degree but it will still forever hold a precious place in my heart, because I wouldn't be the self aware fudged up person that prefers fanfics over canon that I am today.

Thanks a lot Nadakhan :)

Also this is just the major reason why it's my favorite season. Because I have such a goldfish memory but Skybound has clung to my brain for so long that it can just become my favorite JUST because of pure resilience alone. Also because I've been fighting to forget about Ninjago but Skybound and my Brain said no so it's the season that takes the number 1 spot for me when it comes to Ninjago.

And I honestly wanna say more but also can't say more as to why It's my favorite. I feel like I need to rewatch the season after 10 years just to refresh my memory. And ask that question to myself. Just why?

And finally answer questions that my child self couldn't ask others out of fear of being too out of place and being teased and bullied for something I held strong feelings and passion towards back then and now I'm coming back to this now and of course my immediate thing that I do the moment I walk a back into this fandom is to go I went to Ao3, went to filter, and immediately typed in “Jay Walker” and “Nadakhan”

And God I never felt more happy reading fanfics of these two for the first time. In 10 years of my obsessions finally coming to fruition and I will EAT UP every skybound fanfic, headcanons etc. out there.

Also Skybound was the season that securely made Jay my favorite character. And yes I've also been obsessed with him for over 10 years ever since I first watched Lego Ninjago, like a fudging yandere that has no other reason to love their senpai just to be able FEEL something.

Wodnwkdnas I'm probably just spouting out pure nonsense, and an empty meaning and reasons as to why I love Skybound but, eh people love things for various of reasons so I might as well tell as to why since you asked, also gave me an opportunity to rant so… Thanks! ^^

Also here's a WIP for a Skybound Drawing I'll be doing, that'll maybe be posted in the future along with some of my personal Headcanon that's related to skybound, cause when you've been obsessing with a season for over 10 years without rewatching it and basing everything from you goldfish memory, make you think a lot, especially a lot of headcanons ╮⁠(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠╭