#but honestly i've never met someone who likes EVERYTHING... i don't think it's like inherently a sin to have preferences | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

potatowitch · 1 year

Note

I saw you mention on Anders/Blackwall on that post about ships between characters who have never met in canon and I am fascinated by it and would LOVE to know the deets. Please tell me everything!!

initially i was into it in a modern au sense of "blackwall builds anders a catio for pounce and then when the whole Thing about blackwall actually being rainier comes out anders is like 'listen we all have problems. and he built me a catio for free, how bad of a dude can he be really'"

but honestly in-universe i think they'd vibe too. blackwall's a very ... common people type supporter of mage rights, yknow? he's got this attitude that no matter how intimidating you find mages, they're people too, and they deserve the chance to just. be people. and i think there's something about that attitude that anders would find so, so refreshing

also the "i killed people and i'm trying to make up for it" thing. again, an attitude anders would also find just. nice. but also i don't think he'd care all that much? like, anders' killcount is so much higher than blackwall's. and imho he wouldn't give much of a shit about the whole "lying about being a warden" thing

and blackwall just appreciates people who are inherently good. i'm of the opinion that he'd see anders - who comes back to help the warden at vigil's keep even if you tell him to run before more templars show up, who offers to let justice share his body, who puts his own life and freedom at risk to help mages escape the gallows, who lives in a sewer healing the poor for free for 7 years, who again puts his life and freedom at risk to blow up the chantry and give kirkwall's mages a fighting chance - and go "damn. that's the kindest person i've ever met. +50 friendship", y'know?

plus the warden fascination blackwall has

AND i think anders with people who can pick him up easy is a nice combo in general. he deserves to be picked up. his legs are tired someone pls carry him to bed

5 notes · View notes

steorran · 3 years

Text

#it feels sometimes like valid critique & matters of taste/preference gets all muddled up #obviously there is meaningful overlap; i don't want to sound like that stupid let people enjoy things comic #but i can't articulate a position that feels both convincing and consistent to me #i do think that it's good to have an open mind and expose yourself to new media and ideas and whatever #but on the other hand i don't know if i think it's reasonable to act like people's leisure time should have a syllabus attached #idk i guess i think it's easy and fun to clown on people who have interests we don't share #but honestly i've never met someone who likes EVERYTHING... i don't think it's like inherently a sin to have preferences #horror bores me but i like country music and my inevitable cancellation will be bc I like it best when boring white men emote homoeroticall #that is not a good basis for a course or an education or whatever but this isn't academic #i'm just a dude who is literally a guy watching tv & listening to music after work #what are reasonable expectations to have for other people's leisure consumption? i don't know honestly #this is rambling and stupid but we have this discourse every week comrade #and i still can't come up with an answer that even satisfies just me much less other people

4 notes · View notes

doctorguilty · 2 years

Text

It's funny I think, that being in a relationship with another borderline person has caused me make huge progress and even overcome a lot of my biggest emotional obstacles in relationships I struggled with my whole life and were damaging my relationships as recent as the one that ended before I met Gloomy. And while yes, over the course of the last several years as a got therapy and medication, and always been doing my homework to improve myself, I was really worried when we first started dating that my ongoing struggles would chase damage. I was out of therapy for a almost a year, and over the past 2 years since I've been in Oregon while I've had regular therapy, it's very very infrequent due to the pandemic and most of what I spend my sessions talking about is stuff related to that such as the exhaustion, depression, and isolation it causes. Not much at all, if ever, have have dedicated my short time to talking about my bpd symptoms like I would with previous therapists.

Yet.. this is the best I've ever been in a relationship. Granted like, my relationships were all kinda mutually dysfunctional for more reasons than just me, which would cause me to be more symptomatic, but still, I don't think it starts and ends at "this person isn't toxic". I think it's the level that gloomy understand me fully. I can describe to them the most niche, hyper specific bpd related feeling and they know it well. And I immediately feel less like I'm not just terrible scum unfit for love, because I know gloomy is so loveable, and yet they share the same symptoms and feelings. They also don't reprimand me for being open. I can share intrusive thoughts and urges and feelings that would sound absolutely toxic to other people, if they didn't understand the context about where it's coming from and that I'm being vulnerable because I don't want to feel that way. And they know those feelings well too. They 100% know the context.

I've never been with someone I could communicate ANYTHING without fear, and be recieved with empathy, affirmation I am doing the right thing by communicating and not keeping it bottled up, and the desire to comfort me, reassure me, and help me overcome what i struggle with.

I've never seen so much progress in myself so quickly.. many things that would regularly flare up all my life and did for a while in the beginning are practically gone. I've never felt so secure with someone. I've never felt less broken, and less alone. I guess I just never belonged with someone without the same personality disorder as me.... because that's really what it comes down to, my whole self is disordered, and it always will be a part of me, it is inseparable from who I am because that's just what it means to have a pd.

Gloomy has made everything so much better beyond words.. I've never felt so healthy with someone like this. I've never had a relationship so loving all the time and free from enormous emotional altercations. No, my "problems" end up being the most benign, easily resolved things like accidental hurt feelings. And even then I don't feel afraid of those things happening because I know I won't be reprimanded a million times for my mistakes.

It's unimportant now the whos or whys but honestly there were instances in the past where I would be gaslit into believing i was an unhinged abuser and my bpd symptoms were cited as the reason, even if all I did was casually express the feelings I was struggling with, like, just the fact that I had symptoms at all even if I didn't act on them or do absolutely anything was inherently abusive and I was a bad person. It was deliberate of course, y'know... but at the time I believed it, and at the beginning of my relationship with gloomy I can remember thinking... this will be over once they find out I'm a horrible person, all I can do is hide it for as long as I can and enjoy it while it lasts.

But no, here I am, being more loved by someone than I ever have been, and completely utterly naked with nothing I hide from them. It's so much easier to be healthy when I'm not trying to hide..

Anyway, yeah.. i love my bpd boyfriend so much

#seth speaks #long post #pda

7 notes · View notes

space-malex · 3 years

Note

I didn't like all the fighting between Benji and Victor either, it frustrated me, but I honestly think that was a deliberate writing choice. A bad one, I might add. There was this interiew with the showrunner who basically said that people don't like to watch couples be happy together for too long because that becomes boring real fast (I don't agree with this, especially because drama can be created in other ways, not just through relationship issues, but it was this interview that made me start dreading the second season). So I guess he decided there should be barely any happiness and mostly misery. I don't even blame people for prefering Rahim at this point. The writing for Rahim (and Rahim/Victor) was much better than for Benji (and Benji/Victor). I just don't think they thought this through very well and maybe underestimated how this could affect the audience, because most of us (?) tend to prefer more happiness and less misery, especially when it comes to queer couples, because believe me, I've definitely watched enough misery in queer cinema to last me a lifetime.

Oh I so get you there. Queer misery is just…way too prevalent still and it’s 2021. The thing is, for me, I never felt that the writing for Victor and Benji was that developed, even in season 1. Victor had a crush on Benji, it turns out the feelings were reciprocated, and they got together. And then we time jumped two and a half months. We never really got to see development. They hooked up and then we fast-forwarded into a serious relationship without ever getting to see how we got there. It felt unearned to me. So while I did not dislike venji at the time, while I thought they were cute, I wasn’t like…invested.

And then we got s2 which essentially made Benji an antagonist without any character development or insight into his life outside of Victor. Doesn’t exactly make me love their relationship. I agree that people can enjoy some conflict but don’t want to see constant arguing. There were a lot of things that I defended Benji for because I totally understood where he was coming from. Like I understood his frustration with Isabel for sure. But a couple of things he said were just…way too much for me. He made Victor feel guilty and ashamed for liking basketball for one. Like sports are inherently straight or heteronormative and Victor shouldn’t enjoy them? Like it’s some kind of compulsory heterosexuality thing and he was actually making fun of him in front of his friends. And then he made Victor feel like a burden on their relationship because everything is new for him. It was just…so unkind. He made the decision to date a baby gay. He should know the ramifications that go along with that and not make Victor feel bad about it.

As for Rahim, I fell in love with him the moment we met him. But I assumed he was going to have a friendship with Victor and that was it. But then they started having these little moments. And I liked it. I felt an unspoken connection there, even before they talked about their families. There’s something fun and playful about them. But they are also so quiet and soft and understanding with each other. They listen to one another. They feel comfortable opening up and are interested in what the other has to say. I like the way the development of their relationship happened, even if it’s still early. It wasn’t based on basic lust or physical attraction. Instead, it’s based on friendship and mutual understanding and liking each other as a person. Yes there is attraction involved, obviously, but it’s not where their feelings sprung from. They just connected.

I don’t know where Victor‘s head is at right now. I think he loves Benji. And I think he wants to make it work with him. But I also think he does have feelings for Rahim and he knows it. I think we see little things as early as 2x07 but Victor is so wrapped up in Benji that I think he doesn’t quite realize it at first. He keeps brushing it off and changing the subject. Partly out of denial but also partly distracted bc of his other relationship drama. But during 2x09 he definitely realizes there’s something there. I mean we get like 5 or 6 separate moments where they’re just LOOKING at each other like that for a prolonged period of time (and don’t get me started on the Simon/Bram karaoke parallel, Bieber song and all). And then, look at the way Victor reacts it 2x10 when he walks into the living room to talk to Pilar and Rahim is there. He gets immediately awkward and kinda shy and doesn’t really know what to say. There is absolutely no reason to act that way when someone is simply your friend with no underlying feelings.

I completely understand people wanting venji to work out. Like…it’s been Victor’s main love story for two seasons. But I also think some people are very in denial about the fact that there are mutual feelings between Victor and Rahim. They not only don’t want Victor dating someone else, they don’t want him to even feel something for someone else. So they refuse to admit it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry for the rant! Anyway, I agree on the arguing being on purpose but not a good decision if they are intending to make Benji and Victor continue their relationship without major changes. But, if they are intending on demonstrating that they really aren’t made for each other, I think they’ve done a good job. I guess it all depends on what you think the writers intend for venji/vahim in s3.

#anon #shut up kelli #ship drama #lv discourse #vahim

26 notes · View notes

atozfic · 3 years

Note

Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are. Like when did you say the reason anyone likes femsub or the reason it's popular at all is because they're young or don't know anything about sex? To me it's pretty clear you were talking about it as a larger trend and why it's so much popular than everything else overall. And to be completely frank, what is the reason femsub is so much popular than anything else OVERALL (not why any individual person likes it or it has any kind of appeal), if not gender roles? Are women just naturally more submissive than men (not saying you think this)? Because I have seen people say this, yes even so-called "feminist" men and women, that my preferences are unnatural because men evolved to be sexually dominant and women evolved to be sexually submissive, and that I'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship unless I make myself more submissive and change my preferences because men just naturally don't like dominant women. I'm pretty sure you would not like if I took those hurtful and negative experiences and said any woman is submissive is that way is because they're misogynists who just think it's all women's nature to be submissive. And I'm pretty sure of this cause of the way that you freaked out when you even THOUGHT somebody might be implying that when they weren't. So why the fuck is it okay for you to say dom women are the way that we are because we think we're "enlightened" or more strong or better than everyone else and only like what we like because we want to be ~not like other girls~ for attention because of your negative experiences? And I like how they only talk about submissive or vanilla women getting shamed, so true bestie, dom type women, sexually or otherwise, never get shamed for their preferences. Nope, never ever. It's not like people always joke about women "wearing the pants" in the relationship and how it means she doesn't respect her partner. It's not like assertive or aggressive women are called a "bitch" but when men act that way it's sexy. It's not like religion teaches women they have to submit to men or no man will ever love them or they'll never be happy. It's not like people say that women that want to be dominant are "acting like men" or "want to be men" and therefore are unattractive, as if dominance is inherently masculine thing. It's not like a lot of men genuinely believe that all/most women want to be dominated in bed and so they don't even have to ask, they just do things to you and try to dominate you without your permission or consent or without ever having talked about that kind of thing before. Nope, we must have it sooo easy because we've got grrrrllll powerrr on our side, all women love us cause they think we're such cool independent and empowered women, and all men love us cause they think we're just so cool and not like the other girls. Like honestly, I don't assume to know what they experience of submissive women is like or that they must have it so easy because they're preferences are in line with gender roles, because I'm not one and i know they don't always have it easy because I've heard of women in the irl bdsm community being treated badly by shitty men who think it's okay to abuse them or do whatever they want to them because they're sub identified (or sometimes just because they're women). So why is it okay for you to assume what are experience is like?

I'm not involved in any real life bdsm community because corona and I'm anti-social bitch but I do like to lurk on online communities for fun (something I should probably stop doing cause it's not good for my mento health luv lmao). This whole thing reminds me of these weird ass screeds I sometimes come across by straight male doms on reddit where they go on and on trying to reconcile their desires with feminist politics either because a) they're genuinely a misogynistic piece of shit and people call them out on it or b) they're genuinely progressive/humanist men who have some difficulty reconciling their desire to be dominant with feminism for whatever reason. And so they do this weird thing where they project these worries and insecurities outwards, and manufacture a situation where anyone who criticises gender roles at all is against them personally, and it would be so much easier if they were just a female dom instead, everyone would apparently have no problem at all with them then, cause grrrrllll powerrr.

I don't like to engage in armchair psychology but the follow-up ask from that anon made it pretty clear to me that they have some insecurities around reconciling their preference for submission with feminism because of some negative and hurtful experiences, and so they deal with it by projecting it onto anyone that suggests that gender roles might be why SOME people gravitate more towards it and why it's so much more popular than everything else. I'm sorry that those people said those things to you anon, they're wrong, but a) most of those people tend to be against all bdsm in general, not just femsub and b) you need to work out those insecurities by yourself. You can't lash out at anyone who tries to talk about the relationship between societal norms and preferences at all, it's not helpful or productive.

Also how do they know those people unfollowed you for that reason? Is that an assumption or a verifiable fact? I'm not necessarily saying they didn't either, I'm not a mind reader, but like, some people are just sexist and think women are naturally submissive, sexually or otherwise. I've met them before.

to quote my therapist: that was alot to unpack.

i'm gonna give a longer reply under the cut but i just want to state here i'm not posting this ask to offend or hurt, or even "one-up", the original anon who sent that ask regarding sub!females. i have no issue with them and, again, think they're in every right to send their original ask. i'm posting it because i do think this anon made some very interesting points and brought up alot of worthy of being discussed topics.

let me also put a disclaimer here that i am not a genius nor someone very well-versed in gender politics, i'm simply a twat on the internet with a negative mindset.

"Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are."

this. omfg, t h i s. i see this so much, especially in my younger cousins/relatives who are just now beginning to develop their own political opinions. let's take the conversation away from dom/sub for one second and just focus on gender in society. one of the clearest examples of gender affecting the way someone is treated/viewed is something i've experienced first-hand: i was misdiagnosed four times before i was correctly given my diagnosis for ASD, because most of the studies regarding it center around boys and, therefore, most women go undiagnosed. in fact, for years it was believed only men could have it which is why there has been such a surgence in the past few years of adult women being diagnosed with autism. i remember hitting high school, experiencing academic burn-out (thanks to everything moving too fast + my classmates catching up to me intellectually) and having my teachers treat me like i was an imbecile, or i was lazy, rather than just someone with neurodivergence. (this isn't me implying tjat men with ASD have it easy or that society accepts them anymore than women, it's only easier for them to get diagnosed.)

"it's not like people always joke about women wearing the pants."

this applies to both the shaming of dom women and sub men. the amount of men who get treated like they're "losing their manhood" for letting a women(or anyone else) dom them is ridiculous.

honestly, I think at the end of the day (and to close up this whole issue-that's-not-really-an-issue), we're unfortunately always going to live in a world where people have opinions against either side of the dom/sub spectrum, or the whole bdsm community in general. the best thing we can do is try lessen the internal conflict, especially between dom and sub women. we gotta stop treating each other like the enemy when all we really are is people with a differing preference. at the end of the day, what someone chooses to do in their bedroom is no one else's business (unless it harms anyone) and we need to take away the importance we seem to put on it. we're on a floating rock in space, who cares if becky likes to peg her boyfriend on a sunday morning or if stacy likes to be tied up on a thursday evening?

also, anon, i like the way you worded this whole ask. despite it being long, it was easy to read and you made some great points. sorry my reply isn't more exciting, i just in general agree with most of what you've said.

#again i don't have any issue with the original anon who sent that ask #we all act on impulse when our enotions overwhelm us and i respect them for even thinking they needed to apologise #also have you guys noticed yet that i'm a little bitch who's afraud of confrontation???#we love to see it 🤸‍♀️#🎐: message board #anon asks

4 notes · View notes

inessencedevided · 4 years

Text

The Untamed, episode 39 - watching notes

How did this show manage to make me care for these characters in about one episode???

Xue Yang is 100 kinds of creepy

How does he disappear like that? That's a power we haven't seen on this show yet

This whole revenge plot is waaay too convoluted to be only about revenge

Ohoh ... this silence is too ominous

I love how A-Qing still has her rebellious streak, even in death

This is too easy ... he won't die just like this, right?

Holy shit his arm!! 😱😱😱

Um ... sorry but, it's really obvious that the actor just has his arm tugged under his clothes 😅

Whaaaaaaaat???

He's not the guy under the mask???

Who???

Who is that and why does he want the stygian tiger amulet???

I was so sure that that was him

Lan and Jin sword style? I'm wreaking my brain right now who has a strong connection to both, but I'm coming up empty

Oh no, a qing :'(

This is such a brilliant shot! Goosebumps! All over!

And wow

All the awards for song lan's actor 😥

I am ... fascinated by Xue Yang's backstory. Like ... the guy is a goddamn sociopath

With the parallels of his backstory to wwx it's almost like he's wwx without his good heart 😥

So ... all of this is a direct consequence of what happened when they met them in the flashback?

But this isn't how "human affairs" should go or even normally do! Obviously, xue Yang isn't a reliable narrator at all, but all I want to do is wrap Xiao Xingchen in my arms and tell him that not all his good faith in humanity was misplaced 💔

"Stupid, naive, dumb idiots like you, who think the world is a better place just because they did something good!"

But it is!!!! The world on it's own, without humans, isn't inherently good or evil! It is what it is. Good or evil, that's up to us! In the face of the endless indifference of the universe, every act of kindness tips the scale towards a better world!

(Sorry, my atheism is showing)

And that's why I will always have infinitely more respect for the Xiao Xingchens of the world than the cruel and bitter Xue Yangs.

Oh fuck no

No, this will break him, won't it? 😰

Oh no 😭😭😭😭

Oh no

Honey...

"Say something..."

Oh god

Does this show want to set some kind of record for must characters severely traumatised in 50 episodes???

Noooo

Fuck

When I wrote that I hadn't seen yet ...

He ... killed himself

I am crying so hard right now and I feel like I haven't even really processed the full tragedy of this arc yet

What is Xue Yang doing?

This is so weird. He honestly looks at Xiao Xingchen like he is a doting husband waiting for him to come home

Ohhh

And now it makes sense that he wanted wwx to restore his soul

And why his soul didn't want to be restored ... because he killed himself. He doesn't want to come back 😥

The way this looks ... that can't be an accident

So NOW he's grieving. Because he can't bring Xiao Xingchen back, can't control him. Xue Yang has such a screwed psychy, it's fascinating ... in a very disturbing way

Wow, he's damaged ...

Oh no ... the candy ... THE CANDY!!!

Holy shit ... what even am I supposed to feel right now? 😨😨😨

Trying to parse that out, I feel like (and this is just my first impressionof thus and my very raw thoughts)... Xiao Xingchen and his kindness they did touch Xue Yang. But he was ill-equipped to deal with whatever feelings they stirred in him, because he had already been so twisted by the world and his own actions. And so he expressed his love the same way he expressed everything: with obsession and the desire to posses and control.

Honestly, I need some more time to really process this ...

They buried A Qing 😭

Oh, Lan Jingyi. I didn't know you had it in you 💚💚💚

Oh god, the Juniors are ALL so soft! 😭

Oh god I want to know so badly. What did Lan Wangji want to say??? "Fortunately... this wasn't us" "Fortunately... you came back to me"? 😭

Omg ... this is a parallel right? From behind they might as well be song lan and Xiao Xingchen!

Oh song lan 💔

The way he takes the pouch 🥺

And Lan Wangji's look. Maybe I'm imagining too much into this but ... if that's not a man intimately aware of what he's going through

"Roam the world. Exorcise evil beings alongside Xingchen."

I can't guys, I'm crying so hard right now 💔💔💔

Holy shit Lan Wangji's actor's performance as he hands him the sword 😭😭😭

IT IS A PARALLEL! 😭😭

look at the screenshot up there again!!

I'm ugly crying so hard right now 😭😭😭

Gimme a moment ...

Tge music in the next scene is really unusual for this show, almost jarring after I've just bawled my eyes out

What is that?

An entrance?

Okay no, not an entrance

Who is that????

Aardgfdgh

The Juniors!!!

The scenery us so pretty :)

Waitwaitwait ... I have a suspicion... no ... nooooo? It can't be ...

The butterfly toy ...

And the comments in the last episode fit, too ... 😳😳😳

OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!

The shot of the little flying thing! That's in that restaurant, right??

The comment about remembering stuff from when you're three!

IS HE A YUAN????

@sweetlittlevampire IS HE A YUAN??? 😱😱😱

I'm crying again you guys

Of course he is! It all makes sense

And omg, lan Wangji with the bunny lantern 😭😭😭

And now wwx remembers A Yuan and... the LOOK!!! The song!!! The bunnies!!!

The smile 😭😭😭😭

"Let's buy it" "Okay"

They're a family, you guys!!!! They're a family and I'm ... so ... so emotional!!! 😭😭😭

So much softness between them!!! 💙🖤💙🖤

And wwx smiles as brightly as before this whole mess and ...

Holy shit this episode you guys!!!

First I cry out of sheer devastation and now I feel like my heart is ready to burst!

And it FITS!!!

wangxian got the happy ending Xiao Xingchen and song lan never did. They reunited and even though they spent many years apart they have a real chance now!!!

And this, their child, this is the pay off.

I'm listening to the new album by Nightwish (my favourite band) all the time right now and in their song "How's the heart?" Is this line "now there's one who came from me / A child of light, another tale" and I can't help but think of that right now! The whole song is about how it is worth it, going through the bleak times, fighting through your own darkness because there is light and love at the end of it. It's worth it to keep fighting, just so we can keep meeting others with love. And I can't help but think of little A Yuan/ Lan Sizuhi (and god, I'm almost bursting at the fact that I can write that line!!) As their manifestation of that love. Their "child of light" :')

And even with Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan ... there is this slight hopeful feeling of "we will meet again", if not in this life than in the next ...

Guys, I'm so emotional right now

Sorry for the tengant. It probably doesnt make much sense put in writing 💚

I'm so sad and so happy at the same time ... :')

Oh god, lan Wangji with the lantern is so unimaginably cute!!!

And they gave it to Lan Sizhui!!!

SYMBOLISM!! 😭😭😭

Now, this should be interesting

How much does lan Xichen even know at this point?

Ohhh! That was nie Mingjue in the coffin earlier!

Why is he buried in Yi City???

I'm so confused right now!

(But don't tell me the answers. As always, these are rhetorical questions ;))

Ohhh ...

I have a suspicion about the ghost faced man

And apparently I'm not the only one

He has been "discussing" things with you every single night. Aha 😏

Sorry, this is serious 😬

(This has nothing to do with anything but I paused the stream to type and this was the image I got. I thought i should share :D)

Lan Xichen is so deep in denial

Poor guy

And again with the parallels! There is another Lan who has stuck to someone with a bad reputation and he's standing right there

And jin ling is conveniently reminding us of that 😐

So much drama

OMG!

That was smooth!

No, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Just, "Wei-gongze" :D

"Don't take it to heart"

MY HEART!!!

I feel like Lan Wangji isn't the only Lan who will suffer an aneurysm from repressed emotions one day

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose and @sxnshot (should I tag you again next ep? No hard feelings if not 😊)

Honestly, this ep was the most emotional one for me so far in terms of the whiplash from pain and joy it gave me, though I certainly cried harder at the Yunmeng massacre. The prevailing emotion is joy now, though. I am such a sucker for mismatched, found families and wangxian and their child of light isn't exactly that, I don't know what is. I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face now. 💚

#sophie watches the untamed #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #xiao xingchen #song lan #wangxian #xue yang #lan sizhui #lan xichen #jin ling #lan jingyi #a qing

165 notes · View notes

mental-health-advice · 3 years

Note

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #resend Ask #new 700 word limit

1 note · View note

flightandsurvival · 2 years

Text

2021

Stayed single almost the whole year? I have been in relationship for second half of the year. Were involved In something you’ll never forget? The continued pandemic. Tripped over a coffee table? Not that I recall. Dyed your hair? Yes. Came close to losing your life? No. Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? Not in the midst of a pandemic.

2021: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year? I met my boyfriend and in extension some of his friends. Did you hate anyone? No. Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? Nope. Did you miss any friends? Not really.

2021: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake? No. Did you have a party? Also no. Did you get any presents? Money from my dad and grandparents, I forget exactly what I got from my best friend but I always do gift exchanges with her.

2021: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year? Not really. Were you in school? Nope. Did you own a car? Yes. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. Did you go on any vacations? I took a road trip down to NC to stay at my family's beach condo this summer and I did a long weekend trip to NYC with my boyfriend so he could meet my dad and to just enjoy being in the city.

2021: WRAP UP…

Was 2021 a good year? It was a really good year, overall. I feel incredibly grateful for my relationship. I've been able to successfully create space and personal boundaries with my family. I have shared a lot of the gritty details of my childhood trauma with my dad and have continued to cultivate a very close and open relationship there. Do you think 2022 will top 2021? There is certainly room for that.

IN THE YEAR 2021 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow? Nope. We don't really get much snow out here. Especially as our earth falls into environmental decay. Done something you’ve regretted? No. Painted a picture? I don't think so. Wrote a poem? No. Ran a mile? Definitely not. Visited a foreign country? It's a global pandemic. I have come to terms with the fact that I won't be traveling abroad for a long while. Cut in a line of waiting people? No.

IN 2021 I…

Broke a promise? I don't typically make promises unless I know they can be kept. Lied? Most likely, I'm human. Disappointed someone close? I don't believe so. Had a secret? No. Pretended to be happy? No. Slept under the stars? Nope. Kept your new year’s resolution? I didn't make any. Forgot your new year’s resolution? I didn't make any. Met someone who changed your life? Yes. Changed your outlook on life? No. Sat home all day doing nothing? So many days. Learned something new about yourself? No. Met great people? Yes. Kissed someone that means a lot to you? Yes. Stayed up till sunrise? No. Cried over the silliest thing? Probably. I cry pretty easily. Had friends who were drifting away from you? Not this year. Had a high cell phone bill? I don't pay for my cell phone, so I wouldn't know. Spent most of your money on food? Yes. Had a fist fight? No. Gotten sick? Yes, I had mono this summer and covid for Christmas. Liked more than 5 people at the same time? No. Became closer with a lot of people? No. Song that reminds you of summer 2021? I don't know. Lost any friends this year? No. When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible? No. Humans inherently make judgments and use their opinions to connect with others. Do you think you’re approachable? Yes. Do you make sexual innuendos about everything? When I'm talking to close friends or my boyfriend. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not at all. Who is the last person you texted? Brookie. Song playing right now? None, I'm sitting in silence.

#New Years Survey

0 notes