#but i am not interested in projecting emotions like a normal human being for my own sake

[ms-demeanor]

I don't even really get the impression that if you were domming someone there would be anything "motherly" about

Yeah no I'm much more likely to be projecting semi-detached professionalism. If I'm domming I'm not really there for roleplay, I'm there to supervise you while you're locked down and squirming. I talk like tech support when I'm in a scene. "Not too tight? Good. I'm gonna take the vibe up two settings, yeah? Okay, great, I'm gonna leave that there, snap your fingers when it's getting to be too much; we'll keep ramping it up until you have to tap out." I like being unaffected and in control while people are losing it and I am not particularly tactile or into being touched or getting off while I'm doing that.

Which is great if you like to be dehumanized and objectified and hand yourself to me like you're taking a car to a mechanic! Less great if you're looking for a lot of praise or comfort or physical contact in the moment.

#I'm good at aftercare! I can be very comforting during aftercare! #but i am not interested in projecting emotions like a normal human being for my own sake #i have dommed for people who need a kinder gentler touch than my normal vibe #but it is a lot more effort and makes me a lot less certain of myself #i can help you with your medical kink not your mommy kink

[trainingdummyrabbit]

ok your posts have got me so curious what is lobcorp and who is Angela I am dying to know

ohhhhhh anon. im so glad you asked. youve activated my infodump trap card. we are gonna be here a lilwhile, but i will try to keep it short regardless.

[inhale] lobcorp, also known as lobotomy corporation, is a multitasking monster-management game, part of a series of games from the producers Project Moon. it starts as a very simple "dystopian setting manage the monsters and sometimes employees die nbd" sort of game, but then rapidly, intensely spirals the more you play. its notoriously difficult but also ridiculously fun and satisfying to get correctly. you are expected to fail and retry multiple times, so much so that it is an active in-narrative plot point.

you play as the manager of L corp, named X, and angela is your Helpful AI Assistant here to help you make energy efficiently and be the best manager you can be. :] by making energy. nothing else. dont worry about it.

lobcorp as a game has absolutely Fantastic characters, and Doubly so in its sequel Library of Ruina. its a series that focuses on character growth, cycles of violence, autonomy, the definition of humanity and personhood... and just. so, so much more. its so full of The Horrors.

. this, of course, is the very basics of getting into the game. i am going to explain everything very vaguely and very messily. i'll spoilercut in case you're interested in looking spoilerless based off of this, (extra post abt it [here] if youd like to check it out yourself) but i will Try to keep it vague. i make no promises. youve asked me about my favorite character. that i have previously spent 6 hours straight explaining to a friend. you understand. here we go.

////

lobcorp takes place inside a monster-management facility... that is, in and of itself, a closed-off timeloop. in order to progress, certain events and interactions must happen in a very specific way for its ultimate goal to be realized. should something go wrong or a mistake occur, the loop resets to day 1, and you must do it all over again.

angela, your ai assistant, was built to be the perfect person to keep you, the manager, on-track for a plan of your own making. dont worry about it. she was built to be able to seamlessly and efficiently move things along-- the ability to feel emotion to be able to connect with employees and make crucial decisions, the ability to recall anything that has ever happened regardless of the loop, and the ability to perceive time much, much slower than a normal human to make judgements more efficiently.

she guides and supports you all the way up until the final leg of the journey, where... she simply doesnt show up again. she has done her job, and you no longer need her. you have a plan to finish, and an incalculably long time loop to finally close. everybodys suffering results in a happy ending, and everyone gets to rest. ^w^ yay yippee!

. just kidding. nothing is ever easy. angela, as a character, is seemingly set up to be a game mechanic and very little more, in the beginning. eventually, more comes up about her as the game progresses, and well...

...anyway imagine being built to be an imitation of somebody you are not in a broken individual's deepest throes of grief, and the minute you become conscious the guy you were built to love hates you simply because you exist-- because you are not the person he lost, because you're a shoddy imitation, mirroring everything he hates... that he made to be that way, in a cruel act of self-loathing. ok?

now imagine you're built to feel, built to remember, and then forced to guide a timeloop countless years long, forced to follow a script that makes you harm people you desperately want to protect and connect to, causing them to hate you. you remember every bit of harm you had to impose on them in painful detail. imagine doing all this so that your creator can come in and fix all of their problems after youve set the stage. ok?

now imagine you finally do everything right. you finally, finally help this guy to see his plan to fruition, and in the last steps of everything, when everyone comes together and finally starts to move towards their own endings... nobody looks back for you. nobody thinks to look to you, to look for you. because nobody thinks youre anything more than an object.

imagine all that, and once, finally, you start to Want. because of course, after holding everything up by yourself, you would want something more than to fade away wordlessly. of course, after all this mistreatment, you would want a future too. this story was set up so that everyone could grow and move forward-- except you. isnt that cruel? isnt that horrible? so, truly, who would really blame you for taking what you truly deserve? who could blame you for reaching for the same light they did? so what if it means you have to destroy everything you-- everything they worked for with your own hands. they can hate you all they want-- its no different from what it's been. you only have one goal now, and simply, it is to Live.

.

. Library of Ruina is the sequel to Lobotomy Corporation following a curious machine trying to become human. angela becomes one of two main characters, and the entire game functions as a dialogue on her growth as a character now that she finally has the autonomy to learn and change. she searches for the One True Book, something that will grant her humanity and the freedom to live, grow, and most importantly: forget.

along with the second primary character, roland, they learn more about the city and how it truly functions-- and also learn about themselves, And each other.

what do you do when you teach yourself all you can do is survive and look out for yourself-- when you finally open back up to the possibility of hope and connection, and everything is ripped out from under you yet again for circumstances out of your control? what do you do when you're a victim of a cycle of horrific deeds, crushed beneath the weight of people who couldn't care less about you, and your only hope of escaping alive is to pull down anyone else in your way?

what do you do when you finally free yourself from a seemingly endless gauntlet of suffering, finally grasping power youd never been able to have before, all in the name of finally, finally getting the vengeance and resolution you deserve? when you follow the path set in front of you, set by actions of people who came before you, spiralling endlessly into the distance? what do you do when this guise of distance and coldness you put up is rightfully challenged and you have no way of defending yourself-- when you have to question what if this "self" youve made of yourself is truly who you are... and if this path ahead is truly of your own choosing, or the making of someone whose influence you could never really shake off.

what does it mean to have autonomy when your life is never truly yours?

lobotomy corporation and library of ruina, aka: Who Wants To Be Part Of The Torture Nexus ? Try Now !

#pikasks #long post #projmoon #THIS IS . HEAVILY ABRIDGED. STILL LONG POST. #IHAD TO REWRITE TH SPOILER PORTION. THREEE TIMES. WROTE IT HALF ASLEEP ALSO. #IAM SO SERIOUS THO IAM LEAVING OUT SO SO MUCH. i dont want to write a whole actual essay because i Will and ouhghghg #i tried to pick at context and thematic setup for angies character to get a Base Understanding of why shes Like That but #again. im leaving so much out. #she is such a fantastically written character and i will never ever be over it. #PLEAS at the very least consider looking at th series at face value bc its WRITING.............. THE WRITING. #OK. THANKYOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. <33

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers - Episode 24

This episode was fantastic, so many emotional moments. And we got a new ED (and slightly modified OP)! Going into this episode I was a little annoyed knowing they wouldn't actually be going to the digital world yet, but they did such a good job building up the hype that I think it ended up being very necessary to have one last human world episode. So pumped to see how the next arc plays out!

Notes:

When Takato is like "our town..." in the opening monologue does he mean Tokyo? Shinjuku? Just struck me as kind of funny to call that area a town, but what do I know

Seeing the various ways the kids tell their parents about their journey was super fascinating. I like how they all did it in different ways with varying levels of directness. Honestly I think the "I told them it's a school trip" option made the most sense to me. If this was real life there's no way in hell a parent would allow their 10 year old kid to go off into some dangerous, alien world.

Something about Jian's dad interacting with Terriermon is really cute. It would actually be cool to see a Digimon series with adults as the MCs since they have a different perspective on the world.

Juri mysteriously dodged the question about how she told her parents about the trip. I wasn't sure how to interpret that. Did she just not tell them at all? Does she actually not get along with them?

I think Ruki's departure from her family was probably the most interesting. Her grandma has this sort of sage understanding of the situation while her mom is blissfully unaware. The scene where Ruki dresses up for mom to leave her on a high note was really sad.

Suddenly Culumon is in a lantern-shaped cage. Lol where did that come from?

Some interesting Yamaki moments. I guess he's realized the error of his ways and is now on the kids' side? Kinda abrupt, but I can dig it. (Also, he was more handsome than usual this episode teehee)

The scene with the teacher was insane! The kids just flat out tell her they're leaving school and she's like "wtf?? what am I supposed to do with this knowledge!?" In America at least, teachers would probably be expected to report something like this, but they did already tell their parents so...I understand why this kind of breaks her. Like...how is she supposed to just carry on like normal? Moumantai my butt!

Takato's dad's support kinda had me sighing and rolling my eyes, but oh well. Can't project my real world context onto things I guess

^The appropriate reaction. I feel like if the parents had witnessed some digimon battles and saw what their kids were capable of, I might buy it a little more. But Takato's mom & dad just found out that Guilmon exists!

lol @ Shiuchon just kind of rolling with it when she finds out that Terriermon is real. It was nice to finally see them talk to each other. Hopefully Terriermon can set boundaries with her now when he gets back.

Yamaki at the end being like "I'm jealous" is the stand in for me, the 31 year old watching this and being like "why can't I be a 10 year old going on adventures instead of working my 9-5!"

So pleased that I'm watching this at the perfect time! They kept emphasizing how this is taking place at the end of summer. Love it when things work out that way.

Lots of insert songs this episode + the new ED. I can't wait to listen to them all on their own and soak in the lyrics. I like that the ED has a more mature, somber tone compared to the first one.

Side note: I've been calling Culumon "he," but then saw someone on MAL use "she." When I google it I found that Culumon is likely genderless (unfortunately I also saw some spoilers while googling boohoo). Guess I'll try to use "they" now...

#digimon tamers #digimon #anime

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 059 - Captain T'Pol and the Quantum Parasites

Star Trek: Enterprise - Season 3 Episode 8 - Twilight

The episode cold opens with Archer waking up to find T'Pol has taken has taken his place as captain. Not only that, but enterprise is being chased by the Xindi weapon and two Xindi ships! Quite an exciting opener. Then: We see the weapon crack open a planet. Next thing we know, Archer's an old man on earth. And for some reason, living with T'Pol in a kind of couple-y situation. I wish the show would stop trying to make Archer x T'Pol work, they have absolutely no chemistry with eachother. Apparently Archer is missing 12 years worth of his memories. Most of the episode was through flashback, with T'Pol explain what happened. According to her, Archer was hit by an anomaly, and has been unable to form any new Long Term memories ever since.

This was a really interesting episode. Normally when a show does Amnesia, they do Retrograde amnesia, so it's nice to see an attempt to tackle Anterograde amnesia for a change. And the episode being from Archer's perspective while he's suffering from it was really interesting.

Also, is this the only time we get to see T'Pol in a normal Starfleet uniform? Because it really does suit her, better than the uniforms she's had so far, at least. While we're on the topic, we later see Trip in the Captain's uniform, and it suits him too. And Malcolm's beard.

Archer's reaction to hearing that Earth and most of Earth's colonies were destroyed is heartbreakingly well performed. It might be the best performance Scott Bakula has given for enterprise so far. However, it was at this point that I started figuring that things weren't exactly as they seemed, and that this was all in Archer's mind. Earth and humanity wouldn't be destroyed off-screen. I also started to notice other small details that were off. T'Pol wouldn't argue that The Vulcans held back Earth's warp program, that was always Archer and Trip's talking point. But, later in the episode I'm proven wrong. This episode actually happened, it's just undone because of the parasites infecting Archer's relationship with Space-Time. Eliminating them now, means they never existed, so curing Archer means that he would never have been infected in the first place

The cure of course is blasting the Parasites out of Archer's head with the Warp reactor. I don't think that's how medicine works, but who am I to argue with Phlox's methods.

I really liked this episode, it had some really good emotional beats, and even despite it's more emotional nature, still managed to squeeze in a couple good action scenes. Enterprise's last stand, with everyone fighting to the absolute end in the faintest hope that Phlox's theory about the parasites was correct was beautiful, and the calm at the end once everything was undone was just really nice.

Plus, a nice Time Travel twist. In a way, it kind of reminded me of the 10th Doctor episode, Turn Left, in that a parasite causes an aberrant timeline where everything just goes wrong. It's not quite as bleak as turn left, and this deals with future events instead of Past Events, but I still loved it.

Comparing my Enjoyment of this Episode with a Doctor Who Universe Story of the Same Title

Doctor Who - Big Finish Monthly Range #23 - Project: Twilight

Project: Twilight was the start of a mini arc that ran through Big Finish's 6th and 7th Doctor Radio Plays, often Called The Forge Arc.

The radio play opens with brilliant opening that makes little sense on the first listening, but when you come back to it, it makes a lot more sense. Specifically, the Project Twilight subject's escape from the Forge in World War One. The audio then jumps forward to the modern day. I like to keep the plot summary stuff short for the Same Title segment, so I'll skip over a lot of the details, but it's initially framed as a strange murder mystery about a spontaneously combusting body, but beautifully unravels into a century long Conspiracy involving a secret government organisation called The Forge, a Vampire-Super-Soldier program from World War One, and how The Doctor, his companion Evelyn, and a random civilian called Cassie end up wrapped up into it.

The story's individual villains of the Project Twilight Vampire vampires are fantastically written, and the story masterfully sets up Nimrod, the main villain of the Forge Arc as a whole.

Project: Twilight is a lot more gruesome than most Doctor Who stories, but it plays it's horror very tactfully and the fact that it's a radio play which leaves the visuals to the imagination really adds to that atmosphere.

Picking whether Enterprise's Twilight or Doctor Who's Project Twilight is better is a hard choice, they both scratch very different itches and fill their roles very well. I am leaning more towards Project: Twilight because I'm in that Halloween Horror mood at the moment, but Enterprise's Twilight was also a really good timey-wimey emotionally driven experience.

#whovian watching star trek #star trek #star trek enterprise #star trek ent #star trek: enterprise #enterprise #ent #doctor who

[mustangs-flames]

About to go insane about this anyways I absolutely adore Ruth and Thatcher's dynamics in this, especially in the way of gender roles and how they both kinda break out of them, especially with thatcher being the emotional one and ruth being the logical one. Ruth somewhat reminds me of my friend in the way that everything in our education system has to be fought for by girls mostly because the system here is very patriarchal and traditional, though that is changing luckily! Thatcher seems to have some sort of innate instinct when it comes to alternates, especially after living around one for so long. He distrusts O'Brien, he immediately feels off about a child from a photo, I think that's honestly very cool!! I also really enjoy Mark's whole relationship with his scars and how the fact that they're there reminds him of what happened, maybe I'm projecting but it seems to feel nice that theres some sort of evidence of his suffering, that he hasn't suffered substantially enough to be taken seriously. That his scars leave no choice but to be taken seriously, if that makes sense. I also love how understandable Ruth's frustrations are, I felt like I was able to connect to her as a character a ton, especially as a trans guy. The feeling of always being cast aside, and the resentment that comes with that. It doesn't make her seem bitchy, honestly it makes her so much more understandable and better as a character, and I adore her for that. She's definitely one of my favourite characters now. Also learning about O'Brien enjoying cats is very fun. Like he's actually just a silly on the inside. He's just like me fr (I stopped breathing when my friend's cat curled up next to me and started purring.) Very excited to see Adam and Jonah's relationship and just Adam in general! /pos /gen Also I think you asked this before but my favourite part was probably Ruth in this chapter along with Old Rugged Cross and Mark's backstory, and his friendship with Cesar. Co dependent friendships my beloved. -Emotionally deranged anon :3 (Also sorry for not asking anything I just wanted to analyse this chapter cuz I don't have anyone else to analyse it to!! I am so normal about this book /pos /gen)

Honestly, I really love getting analyses like this! It's just really cool to have someone engage with the AU in this way /gen

I'm really, really glad you enjoyed Ruth and Thatcher's dynamic in the recent chapter! I love that the 2 of them are so different from each other and yet are very close regardless. Thatcher being very emotionally invested whilst Ruth is more logical and direct in her approach to things was a lot of fun to write - I really wanted to reinforce that Ruth is still in that mentor position despite Thatcher's recent promotion to Lieutenant to add to that friction between them with Ruth being resentful of him. I'm glad she didn't come across as 'bitchy' or anything - that's always a concern considering how fandom tends to treat or perceive women characters, especially flawed ones. So yeah, it's really cool that she's become one of your favourite characters in the AU! She's definitely one of my faves, too! :D

Yeah, O'Brien loves his cats a lot. Earth isn't so bad sometimes - he has nothing against animals, only humans and even then some humans get a pass lol. It's a little complicated like that khsdbdf

Jonah and Adam together won't be appearing for a little while yet - we've got a whole bunch of stuff to get through with Mark and alt!Cesar first - but I'm looking forward to it too! They have an interesting dynamic and it will be fun to show Adam's slow decline into behaving more like an alternate as time passes and how their bond deteriorates and yet doesn't fall apart completely.

Thank you so much for the kind words! And the analysis! It's always really fun to read and answer! :D

#hail true body au #mustang answers! #htb ruth #htb thatcher #htb mark #htb alt!cesar #htb adam #htb jonah

[jennycalendar]

jenny/ethan?

(also, jenny/giles/ethan, but i am currently quietly going feral about jenny/ethan as i try to work out my massive AU project that may never be finished, so. i want to hear your thoughts on both because these are my favorite rare ships in this fandom.)

SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. most of them spill over into my own personal complicated emotions about/writing ideas for this notion. not sure if this qualifies as a "brutally honest opinion" or if it's just word vomit but Oh Well. Can't Help It. Jenny And Ethan Create Feelings.

ok so like. jenny and ethan are my two favorite guys. ethan, however, is much more.... how do i put this? fic remembers that he's a human person. there is a solid subsection of calendiles fic that really just treats jenny as a lipsticked paper doll that makes giles happy, but when ethan is in fic, there's almost always this detailed, thoughtful portrayal of what's going on in his head and how he as an individual relates to giles, despite jenny being in more episodes than him. (it's the misogyny. and i hate it.) so i don't spend a lot of time writing ethan because, like, ethan is fine! he does not need my help! and if i wanna read gorgeous fic about ethan i can find it without scrounging! finding fic for jenny that goes into that kind of thought and detail is a little tougher.

so that is an important backdrop re: my very complicated feelings every time i think about jenny and ethan at the same time! but another component is this: i fucking love jenny and ethan. both of them as individuals say so much about giles (i.e. that he likes women who can throw him around and men who he can throw around) and both of them are SO smart and terrifying!!! i do have Opinions re: jenny perceiving giles as a complete individual vs. ethan's fixation with Turning Giles Back Into Ripper, but 1) that's another thing entirely and 2) i think that a timeline where jenny/ethan could happen is a timeline where ethan is so much more emotionally mature. so i shall leave it as a footnote and move along.

ANYWAY. i didn't realize this until i started writing this all up, but part of the reason i've never written anything for jenny/ethan is because of that aforementioned misogyny in the way fandom reads ethan vs. jenny. i have always been a little nervous that exploring jenny/ethan means i am a hop, skip, & a jump away from that corner of fandom full of giles stans who violently despise jenny, and every time i entertain the notion my brain is like "but celia, then you're spending time thinking about ethan, and everyone has done that to death. the dearth of jenny fic that explores and appreciates her as an individual even within her relationship with giles is so much more pressing a concern to you!!" and then i put that box down and go back to another jenny fic, because that makes me less sad.

but i do love jenny/ethan as a concept!!! a lot!!! despite my reticence to explore it in fic! i think so much of it is just -- i have been worried about writing smth and having to deal with chilly reception + disinterest from people who like ethan and don't like jenny. the dislike of jenny has waned in recent years (iiiiiiii have suspicions about why this is but they sound HORRIBLY arrogant so i will try to keep my head normal sized) but i am still a lil squirrelly about it because.

third reason and most important reason.

jenny/ethan would FUCKING SLAP. and i want it too much to be objective about it.

like, first of all, jenny and ethan connecting in the wake of giles's death is smth i have thought about so many times and in so many different ways. usually i tend to have it skew platonic/ambiguous simply because i think i like the idea of them having this Unexplainable Tragedy Bond after being impacted by this man for such a strange short moment (and also because, in my head, i often just see ethan as gay, because i think that creates a lot of interesting tension in the Bisexuality Metaphor that is the normative vs. non-normative internal conflict within giles + ethan's insistence that the non-normative is the Only Real Answer) but the fact remains that the connection is there!

i have thought a lot about ethan teaching jenny about chaos magic as a brand of magic that's accessible to her/makes sense to her, and i do think that he'd be deeply fascinated by her interest in computers for, hilariously, the exact same reason giles hates them, which would piss her off to the extreme. (he LOVES the "soulless numbers-running automaton" aspect of it all because there are SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE EVERYTHING BREAK. and now he gets to figure out NEW WAYS TO BREAK THINGS. this is GREAT. he is NOT listening to jenny's furious tirades re: how computers aren't soulless. he's going to bring down the mainframe.)

i also think that ethan and jenny would verbally spar in a way that would actually terrify giles. like, both of them are often much quicker than him (it's why he likes them!) and so against EACH OTHER??? TERRIFYING. but jenny would win, because jenny absolutely always wins, and i think she would take it as a BIG win when she manages to actually trip up ethan and get him flustered. she is probably the only person in the world who could manage to do that. (except for nora but i'm not legally allowed to say anything about what may or may not happen in future installments of potential fics.)

i can truly never decide whether i like ethan + jenny as friends or ethan/jenny in a way that skews romantic, tho, bc like i said, i like the notion of ethan as not attracted to women! creates a lot of interesting messiness about his insistence that giles needs to return to him to be truly happy, his determination that giles is living a lie, etc, and i love the level of misunderstanding and limited perspective that that adds to giles/ethan's relationship. BUT i also love ethan in general and i think ethan/jenny could be so fun? and also so unexpectedly tender?? jenny is exactly the kind of unhinged academic that ethan is a sucker for, and i do really love the idea of these two people who make GILES look emotionally vulnerable finding a way to let their guard down around each other. both of them are little wet cats trying to make themselves look big, after all.

mostly i am just like. i want this in a way that goes beyond logic to the point where i never talk about it on main because it feels TOO self-indulgent to justify & Cite My Sources About, especially when i have these pre-existing headcanons for ethan that would conflict with jenny/ethan's existence! but at the same time it would be SO FUN, and also the level of charged tender romance that jenny and ethan could manufacture as two people with BIG hearts who are DESPERATELY trying to hide that level of love.... like, WHOA.

jenny/giles/ethan is obvs elite tier, in any configuration, whether or not it involves jenny/ethan. giles has two hands. i don't have much else to say about that one bc i think we all know it's the best thing in the world.

(and also please please please tell me more about your massive au project that involves jenny/ethan. i will definitely give you an insider scoop on some secret fic in exchange....)

#asks #brutally honest asks #HM. should i give them a tag? #jenny x ethan #gje #there we go. :)

[ssreeder]

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INTERESTING READ SREEDIE BC IVE GOT VAVAVOOM BY NICKI MINAJ STUCK IN MY HEAD RN

hey handsome ;)

I’m back bc you can’t get rid of me ever <3

katara is so real for finding comfort in arbitrary routine. like I’m not following the politeness rules for YOU I’m following the politeness rules for ME so that I feel better >:(

ALSO what I think is really important to remember and usually gets lots in fanon, the fact that zuko like.. literally IS the face of the fire nation in the war for katara. like she has nobody else to project on OF COURSE it’s going to be fucking Rough to overcome her hatred for zuko when he’s literally synonymous with genocide for her. unless there’s somebody else she can realistically focus on (ie. the fire lord is too abstract a concept for her rn), it’s never really gonna get better AND YOU CANT BLAME HER bc how else are you meant to process fear and anger if you have nowhere to direct it (does this line of thinking mean I need therapy sreedie?? answer honestly)

OHOHO look at that sreedie. I’ve gone an anticipated katara’s own musings. I’m so psychic today.

also really depressing that zuko actually does canonically look like his father so like… katara isn’t exactly Wrong to imagine his face

aaaaaand he’s back to normal with the monosyllabic responses !! and anger !! he’s healing so well.

trust zuko to argue about the semantics of life saving lmfao

CRYING WHEN ANGRY IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING I FEEL YOU SO HARD KATARA

not katara accidentally predicting the zukka relationship out of anger T-T

NOT THE “I will be back” NOTE ZUKO PLS

SLAY AANG ILY AANG YOURE THE BEST ZUKKA WINGMAN EVER

ughhh FUCK OFF IROH just say you’re homophobic jfc

YES JEE I’m always in the I Love Jee camp so this is nothing new BUT YES CRITIQUE IROHS HANDLING OF ZUKO

jee is TOTALLY a literature nerd with all the analysis of implications of zukos outfit that he’s doing and I am so here for it

HAIR RUFFLES WIDNWLDNQPXBWFORN THE HAIR FRHDKWE AODKW I am completely calm and reasonable about this.

sokka is like “I’m so good at being subtle about being in love with zuko :D” and zuko is like WE JUST FUCKED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY MAYDAYMAYDAY

LMAO jee is like FINALLY some drama to become invested in

I LOVE CULTURAL CUSTOMS AHHHHHH I’m such a goddamn nerd ohmygod

YAYYYY TOPH I love toph she’s a ride or die fr

nooooo now I’m emotional about jee. the whole being fire nation first and human being second is a really nice touch though, in terms of world building and reasoning behind why fire nation citizens are so committed to the war effort despite their own suffering bc of it

wait wait maybe I’m going insane rn but WAIT a moment please… so this is what I’m working with: when zukka got separated, sokka became like Both of them?? like they didn’t have each other to balance themselves out, so sokka adopted zukos personality (without the zuko skill set Unfortunately) and conversely, zuko like… Had Neither personality bc he was fucking Dying so he had other priorities. and now both of them are out of whack bc their personality divisions are fucked

OMG RASU telling sokka he groped zuko in front of everyone T-T he’s doing the lord’s work

ohohohoboho rasu knowssssss ʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉ

THESE BITCHES ARE ENGAGED OMG

DADKODA AND CHANGGGGGGG oh I’m so happy rn. I’m genuinely going to squeal when chang and zuko reunite AND FUCK IROH HE CAN GET FUCKED JEE GET A BETTER LEADER TO DEDICATE YOURSELF TO

anyways :D

I’m expecting zuko and chang to have the most magical long awaited airport reunion imaginable, and if these two bitches DONT hug I’m going to cut all your electrical wires and clog your toilets

KISSES XXXXXX

I have accepted I’ll never be rid of you, so I’ve stopped trying. <3

Haha, I think we could ALL use some therapy lol <3 but as for Katara I think she is allowed to be upset and dramatic because she is 15 and tired. So stop being an asshole Zuko.

I think both Zuko & Katara left that interaction feeling less than satisfied.

I love writing Jee as the man who notices shit. Haha. Why is his collar so high? IDK JEE WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

fucking love Jee

I’m a sucker for details, and unfortunately I can’t always get them all out into the writing but I wasn’t going to CUT (hahahaha GET IT??) the hair lore mwahaha.

Dude Chang and Zuko reunion is long over due but also I might be a dick and just bomb everything before Chang gets close

Why not right?

KISSSSSSESSSSS XOXOXO

#I saw your gossip girl ask and YEASSSSS BESTIE #fuck it I loved gossip girl #Chuck bass my beloved #I have a think for emotional bad boys I guess #anywayyy zuko and Sokka ARENT really bad boys though #a couple of dweebs #leekie i love you #& im always happy to see your brain popping off during the chapters #dude jee is really out there doing gods work #& everyone keeps calling iroh homophobic MAYBE HE JUST HASNT SAID ANYTHING YET #OKKKK??? #y’all need to leave my man iroh alone #he is flawed haha but DAMN #idk if I’d call him homophobic lol #(or maybe he is I’m dangling that pov right above y’all) #OK LEEEEEKKIIIEEEE #see you soon #leekie tag #liab #itf #ask

[ladyculebras]

hello! i'm a big fan of your fics, and was wondering if you had any particular inspirations for you dexter/harrison fics, specifically 'carnivore incarnate'. it's so fascinating! also, forever hoping you'll write more for this fandom ❣

anon, this is incredibly flattering, and I really hope you're still around to read this response. I'm sorry it took me a while. I wanted to really be...comprehensive in my thoughts and this ended up pretty rambly. In some ways, this is an excuse for me to write about my process for my very rare pair, which is self-indulgent, but I hope it'll be of interest to some people at least.

Stoker and Raw are, in general, two inspirations for me that I keep in mind while writing Dexter/Harrison fic. Stoker, because the way I write Harrison, it's always a coming of age story vis-a-vis serial killing. For carnivore incarnate, I specifically drew on Raw for some of the visuals and violence. Both of those films are coming of age stories with incestous vibes and murder, and that's the vibe I want for my fic.

As far as carnivore incarnate goes, well, there's the quote the title is from, which is the Angela Carter's The Bloody Chamber, a short story collection; the quote is specifically from The Company of Wolves in it; but I wasn't really drawing on the short story in particular, I just like the quote a lot and I kept hearing it in my head while writing it.

In terms of the vampire mythology, I made it up xD There's absolutely shades of Being Human UK (blood drinking as addiction, daywalking vampires) and The Lost Boys (half-vampirism) and even a bit of The Coldest Girl in Coldtown (not-fully transitioned vampires drinking vampire blood), but I constructed the mythology based on what I needed to make the story work. I needed Dexter to walk in daylight, or else he doesn't work as a Miami blood-spatter analysis, so I decided daylight doesn't have an effect, or it has minimal effect. I needed Dexter to age, so he looks Dad-aged to Harrison, not like Season 1 era Dexter, so I decided blood keeps him young and if he doesn't drink, he'll age at a normal rate. I needed Harrison to be in some half-vampire state where he knows he is not Normal but plausibly think his issues are all psychological, and not that he's a vampire, so I decided he doesn't get his fangs until he makes a kill.

I am writing more for this fandom! The problem is, all my ideas are huge, so it takes forever for me to finish something, and I also get distracted by other projects, because I get easily frustrated if I spend too long on one thing. I sort of can't talk about what I'm currently writing, because it's for an exchange (hopefully) and I need to stay anonymous until I post it, but it should hopefully be done...in a month? I think it needs a month's more of work. I have multiple Dexter/Harrison ideas that I've already started, and I'm writing one Harrison/Brian idea that's about...30k at the moment, but again, slowest writer alive.

I am also really deeply inspired by music; I can write without it, but it always helps. If i'm a low mood, music can help pick me up and put me in a better mood for writing. Certain songs evoke the right feelings or emotions for a scene, or a character, or a specific event, and help me with the imagery or mood. This is the most self-indulgent thing but I make a playlist for most things I write. I don't have a specific carnivore incarnate playlist, but I do have a Dexter/Harrison playlist I made for you gave me my very first gun that I've just been adding to it as I write and turned into a catch-all Dexter/Harrison mix:

you gave me my very first gun

I also have these two other writing mixes that I use for writing Dexter/Harrison, or other Dexter-related or Dexter adjacent content:

monsters are always hungry

no blood for you will ever be enough

I've been listening to that third one a lot while writing. There's a lot of overlap between mixes, and I guess if I had to pick 5 songs that inspire my Dexter/Harrison feelings for writing, I'd go with

patron saint hunter - timber timbre

evil - interpol

alligator blood - nicole dollanganger

glycerine - bush

you want it darker - leonard cohen (thank you, bones and all, for bringing this to my attention)

Thank you for asking! I'm glad you're enjoying the fics. There's such a small audience for this, so I really treasure any level of engagement I get <3

#anonymous #asks #dexter #dexter x harrison #harrison morgan #dexter morgan #born in blood; just like you #my writing #about me #and my writing process i guess

[drdemonprince]

I don't know who to ask about this and I'm too ashamed to ask in any auDHD support group, but how do I cope with RSD from my own incompetence?

I made friends in the crochet community and I've been learning crochet for three years. I'm glad for how far I've come but I can't ignore the fact that I've been talked down by my family due to my hobbies. Since I was a kid, every special interest that I have got shot down or ridiculed and I think because of that, I always have a bit of an unhealthy view of it.

Sometimes, I became competitive and when meeting new people who are more likable, more talented, more resourceful, or have more spoons to create, I wish I could be their friend too so hopefully, I could be like them. But then, I get RSD because of their lack of interest (because I already put a barrier between us) or because sometimes we're not on the same page regarding some things.

I became resentful every time I saw or meet them. I just can't shake the anxiety and irrational anger whenever I see even a glimpse of them online or offline. I can't stop projecting my insecurities onto them and even though I've tried to act nice and avoid any talk or conflict, I can't ignore them entirely since we're in the same circle. My friends like this person, and I know I look odd being the only one who stops talking or is void of emotion whenever we're in the same space.

I feel childish just asking this but I hope you know a way for me to cope with it.

I wrote in a piece a few months ago arguing that most of what gets called RSD is largely just pathologizing a really sensible reaction to repeated social rejection, and I think that holds here.

You are putting a LOT of pressure on yourself, on your own abilities as a crocheter, on every interaction that you have within the community, on individual people who symbolize a desired level of acceptance and recognition you imagine they have and that you don't, on the validatory meaning of small interactions, etc, and so it's no wonder you are bugging the fuck out so much! It's very hard to act normal and chill and take the weird comings and goings of socializing with other people naturally when there's so much weight hanging on every little interaction or cue

(including many completely unintentional or potentially misreadable cues -- it's hard to gauge how much a new/slightly unfamiliar person actually likes or dislikes you, sometimes, and when you've had a lifetime of bad experiences, it's easier to sensibly default to assuming any neutral or missing cue is a negative).

Unfortunately, in my experience the only ways to move past this kind of overthinking and stressing and putting a hindering amount of symbolic weight on small interactions is through lots of practice and building up distress tolerance... and by genuinely having positive or warm experiences enough times that it helps train your nervous system to not associate the activity or community with threat.

It's apt you're messaging me coming off furfest weekend; when I'm around plushy-suited smiling-faced fursuits, I actually feel happy and comfortable around people, because they all look so nice and unthreatening to me! And move so goofily and sweetly and are there for such an adorable reason! In reality, I could practice seeing all humans in this way, because those are humans under those fursuits and most humans are just as capable of being silly and playful as furries are, at least in the right context.

But I have Social Anxieties and so a neutral expression on an unknown person registers as either disapproval or threat, much the time, meaning I am more defensive and less friendly with other people as I move about the world, worsening my own social anxiety by denying me practice and positive experiences, etc. all of which is a long winded way of saying i feel you and i understand what it's like.

In my experience, when I *can't* just run off and surround myself with completely nonthreatening looking fursuiters as a means of disengaging my social anxiety, one way I can at least overcome the worst of it is by having a lot of really mundane interactions with people that are not focused on socializing or making friends (or scoring any kind of interpersonal "win") as their cause.

Having an external goal and focus that you share with others unites them with you and keeps you mutually distracted enough to not be distracted by constantly socially evaluating one another (or trying to guess at how the other person is evaluating you etc). So, join up with some people to organize an event in the crocheting community, edit some example patterns with someone, ask someone whose skills you respect for help with a project that's got you stuck, just generally find some way to share the act of directing attention toward some separate/third thing, and make it something noncompetitive or where you can experience the other person as affiliated with you.

What's great is that research shows working collaboratively on a task as equals is one of the greatest bias-busters for neurodivergent people! So if you have looming anxieties about people treating you weirdly because your neurodivergent or anything like that, aligning yourself with someone to take on a task or a project is more likely to make them like you in return, and you will eventually be able to notice and internalize some signs of that affection, hopefully.

Beyond that, I think you need to just keep going to events in the chrocheting space, contributing to them, approaching people and asking them about their work, asking for and receiving advice and help with your own, and just generally behaving cordially to everyone you bump up around in that world, even if you don't like some of them or have some anxieties surrounding how some of them see you. when we really fear the judgement of another person we feel strongly motivated to dive the fuck away from them, which does not lessen the anxiety in the longrun.

but if the person isn't downright hostile or abusive to us or anything like that, we can usually get a little bit more acclimated to being around them simply by ... being around them, but not prioritizing winning them over, just socializing with others and interacting with them neutrally / pleasantly enough when the situation naturally arises. some people in the community might not like you, or RSD might be sending you some misfires or both, but either way, you can keep showing up and focusing on the friendships and activities that have been paying off, and directing more energy there.

and you'll probably still feel like an overly analytical insecure wreck for a while as you do all of this!! that is okay. feeling better is not the first step to doing better/differently. you can enact the behaviors of being affiliative, pleasant, collaborative, and curious even when you're not absolutely feeling it.

if you have big red glaring instincts telling you a person is Bad to be around, dont ignore that, of course, but you can keep showing up and being a pleasant, active party in this community even when your brain is telling you that so and so not looking up from their project to say hi when you walked in the room is proof that they have always hated you. it isn't proof of that, most of the time, but youre not crazy for having those fears, i have intrusive thoughts like that all the time.

my mind looks all around for evidence ive fucked up in some terrible way that i need to fix, and ive had to make an intentional practice of dismissing those ideas when they come up, and choosing to treat interactions and lower stakes and more blase than they actually felt that they were... but eventually i just got so socially active and had so many interactions that were in fact low stakes and not a big deal that eventually my brain started sometimes believing it wasnt a think to worry so much about.

i hope some of that makes sense or has some applications to what you're working on. i'm sorry that your family has been so dismissive of your passions over the years. it sounds like youve found a rewarding hobby and some people you enjoy being around who also take part in it, and that even the worst enemies you have in the space at this point are not actively dicks, just passively disinterested, so you really do have a lot of raw social material to work with here and get more acclimated to with continued practice. but hey, it's been three years, it's honestly okay if there are some anxieties you always have, just dont let it keep you from getting out there and trying to approach people/engage in the hobby along with other people. sounds like youve been doing fine.

[the-backstage-agit-au]

Ghost lore in BackStage

(no, you can’t use these ideas for your au, it was invented individually for the BackStage)

So. In the last post I briefly mentioned the third kind of soul (if you haven't seen it, please read it now, it will be easier to understand)

and also some kind of strange “energy cycle” in this world

Well.. Has anyone ever thought about what will happen to the ghost that refused to fulfill their purpose? Is they really going to live forever?

So that's exactly why nature created “Haunts”!

Cruel, merciless and the most dangerous creatures of this world!

If you suspect something is wrong, you should immediately inform someone of the adults about it so that this outrage is immediately eliminated!

It can be your friend, your neighbor, uncle or aunt - in any case, it's a soulless monster that pretends to be normal!

If they are not exterminated, they will kill everyone who is dear to you and destroy the shell of time!

We must not make such mistakes!

...Would a time teacher in the lower grades tell you

but I tell only the truthful and almost unknown side of these creatures

(trigger topics: bad treatment, insults, humiliation, to some extent rasicm, violence and death)

As you may have guessed by now, “Haunts” are created in order to control the ghost population

They collect energy like.. “eating” it, and then, dying, they give it back to the earth, the earth to living beings, and so on in a circle

This is an anomaly/breakdown in the (usually) ideal mechanism of time people, created from a shadow ghost and a time person

Usually time people can create “a friend” from a part of their soul, but at some point something went wrong...

Also, the funny fact is: they don't have an official name, “Haunts” is what I call them, but so little is known about them and there are so few of them that they don't even have an official name hihihi (so everything you read here will remain a mystery)

but let's go back

Again, I want to remind you that all this is known only to you

The Time people themselves think at most that “Haunts” absolutely cannot endure the sun or has a sharp pupil, they are afraid of such that they refuse to contact and/or study!

but trust me, this is not a story with a happy ending where everything will change at some point, these traditions have not changed for a very, very long time

Yes, up to this age, the child is absolutely no different from other time people (except that sometimes they ruin time, but these are such trifles)

But in one day they begin to notice that.. that something is wrong..

“Seems my new teeth will be sharper than the old ones”

“Why do I give in to emotions so easily”

“Why don't I remember what just happened”

“Why am I ruining my projects and the projects of my classmates”

“Why do I feel the taste of other people's emotions”

“Why-”

It's hard to breathe, the heart starts beating harder, some black substance gradually absorbs you causing a burning sensation throughout the body

You want to scream in pain and call for help.. but.. you can't

Because you perfectly remember how your kind treats mistakes like you.

So it seems dear, you'll have to deal with it all by yourself!

And now just interesting facts as in the past post to close some questions!

⏳ “The entity” is still the same person you are used to seeing (character, some views, another), just in a slightly different form

⏳ Unlike ghosts, they can learn any kind of magic! Just eat someone’s soul and absorb their power! (well, or study it yourself for a very long time)

⏳ They cannot pass THROUGH objects and ghosts cannot pass through them as for example through an ordinary soul

⏳ Can have sex and children thanks to their human part (the ghostly part doesn’t have genitals)

⏳ They are alive.

⏳ Physical needs are the same as for ordinary people

⏳ Basic abilities in magic: shape-shifting, the ability to see in the dark, to see the magic of time people and destroy it if necessary, to feel other people's souls

⏳ If “Haunt” does not eat souls, they get emotional hunger, but it’s actually possible to live with it

Luke, for example, performs on stage to recharge or spends time with his husband

⏳ Just like ghosts, it's hard for them to lie or hide their emotions, but it's still possible

⏳ If you look closely, their skin glows slightly in the dark

⏳ There are very, very few of them, thanks to time people, their number has greatly decreased at some point in time

⏳ As I said, “Haunts” also can feel the world thanks to their “sense of smell”, even invisible ghosts are not a problem for them to find

⏳ Oh and by the way, this phenomenon is inherited)

It’s all for now! If I remember or come up with some new facts, I can add them here

thank you very much if you have reached this point, it is incredibly valuable to me! kiss kiss💕

#A Glitch in Time #AGiT #BackStage #BS #AGiT au #the-backstage-agit-au #Snatcher #Luke #BackStage lore information #a hat in time #ahit

[entomolog-t]

ok so about the g/t tropes psychologist asks whatever…I have sumting I like 👉👈

i like to imagine myself being comforted or me protecting a giant dude who’s like my age n stuff like defending him from the public or something 😵‍💫idk like I feel like the desire to be a normal person standing with the “outcast” or smth like chilling w them or helping them or whatever n we help each other emotionally and we can be emotional,y vulnerable around each other and they tolerate my bullshittery 💀 what I’m trying to say ig is the first sentence and yes I’m anon bc..embarrassment ab sharing my interests but I’m curious to see where this oddly specific trope may come from :’D like I don’t have family issues and grew up around a lot of mental health support n parents accommodating my needs but I genuinely don’t know where dawg

Alrighty, its bright and early and I am ready to answer some more of these !

Now this is quite a multi faceted scenario. Protecting the outcast, especially one who is so much larger than ones self could emphasize a yearning for an opportunity to show ones bravery; wanting others (specifically those close to you) to see you as confident and caring.

The Giant in this fantasy likely has some aspect of yourself projected onto them; traits you see in yourself as misunderstood, something worthwhile to protect.

Despite you being represented as a normal human, it sounds as though you might be subconsciously projecting some feelings on to the giant archetype. The desire to chill with them and help them, and just being able to be emotionally vulnerable with one another could be the minds way of expressing it wishes for genuine and deep connections with others, and might have a fear of being strange or othered by peers. People long for their genuine selves to be accepted and protected by others, and this desire might be something that this fantasy is trying to express.

Its also worthwhile to note you specifically mentioned that the Giant is your age. Given the context of what we've already addressed that seems to suggest further that their is a possibly unmet desire to connect on a deeper level with your peers. Toward the end it sounds like you have quite a good relationship with the adults in your life, but is that same mature relationship present with those your own age?

I would suggest listing out qualities you see in the Giant to further dissect if they represent parts of you that you fear may not be accepted by your peers.

-----

My secretary will have you billed after you set your next appointment

#g/t #g/t community #g/t prompts #g/t tropes #G/t Trope psychology

[sarrie]

Hmmm... blorbos blorbos blorbos... how about- some Gaster, Sans, Handsome Jack, Nisha, and Rhys? ;3

hEEEHEHE ok let's go!

☝︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎

Okay so I am definitely saying this in a time where Gaster, The Mystery Man, is so unknown lol. That said, I was normal about him until I saw the not-released tarot card for him. Then I started reading fic as a joke and it all went downhill from there. And. Ok. I know we don't know ANYTHING about him, so me saying fandom takes are incorrect isn't quite fair, but I have a hard time thinking he's just 100% evil. Especially if he's a monster - made out of hope and love and all that jazz. Not saying that monsters can't do bad things (LOOKS AT ASGORE) but there's a lot that goes into that. Asgore did bad things because he was put in a bad situation, lost his family, and wanted to help his people. Alphys wanted to help people, but wound up doing bad things, too. I feel like a lot of fic and content I see for Gaster is just about him being super mega evil and Fucked Up which is fine but, like, for why? What made him act that way? I also love the idea of him just being an absolute goof. A real "Sans had to learn puns from someone" type character. And idk it's hard to have canon content about a character that uh erased themselves from existence lmao. That being said I'm not normal about him. I have 3 full fledged fanfictions about him - two I've started writing and one that I visit when I try to fall asleep and haven't written yet. If he is 100% evil that's fine load me up in the extractor baby I'm subject 01.

Snas

In the same way that I relate too well to Dante as being the haha funny pizza man as a coping mechanism to not acknowledge his own fear and depression, I relate WAY TOO WELL to Sans Undertale for the same reason. If my depression gets too bad and all encompassing I'm going to take a nap. While I used to have a healthy love of naps, they're now also coping mechanisms to avoid reality for me. Back when my anxiety and depression pretty much took over my life I would sleep forEVER. 18 hours a day if I could. I now also struggle with insomnia and sleep avoidance so it's like. I sleep in small amounts now and it's gotten to the point that I will 100% use my 15 minute breaks and my lunch to take a nap. The laid back jokey personality is very much who I am truly, but then there's also the Projection where I use that as a facade to avoid my problems/emotional trauma. And I'd say Unwillingly I have come around to him because, as I'm sure you know, in the beginning I was like I don't get this Undyne is the only hot character here what's going on why do people want to fuck this dude. And then I finally watched a play through and learned Everything and I'm like oh no he's so saaadd poor meow meow :((( sad boyyy sad!!! tragic!!! (and then The Fight happens and it's like oh uh hmm not examining my reaction to this bc i don't want to know what this says about me) Then I started reading fanfiction as a joke which ok can I say a lot of blorbos for me have come from me reading fanfic as a joke and then getting super into it??? LMAO. And now I've given myself the challenge to read as many sans/reader fics on AO3 that catch my interest and I still have 274 pages left lmAO.

Handsome Jack

Put him in more situations. Destroy him. I love him. I hate him. The reality is he could make me SO MUCH WORSE. He's handsome. He's a loser. I want more of his face to melt off. I want to chew on him like a chew toy. Jack is such a fun character to hate. He has so much charisma it's sexy but he's also so unhinged and, like, there's never been an option to fix him. I think he was born and from that moment on it's just been a collision course with absolute fuckery. He's such a caricature of a human, and if you're not the receiving end of his insanity it's so fun to watch.

Nisha

I love her. I want her to destroy me. BL2 said we need a character who can go toe-to-toe with Handsome Jack in terms of being an absolute disaster of a human being and then they delivered the most badass cowboy hat wearing woman they could. She is 1000% too good for Jack, and arguably Jack happening to her ruined her life. Rhys

My sweet precious Rhysie boy. ;-; He's so pretty and so stupid I love him so much. I really feel like BL3 fucked him up in terms of characterization. The absolute trials we go through in Tales with him and just. Stop!! putting him in situations!! I lie lmao I need a follow up of Tales where he is put in another situation with Fiona so we can see what the fuck all happened there.

[slasherbish]

Run Rabbit (HTC OC's x Baby, Otis, Spaulding)

AN once in the HOTC world it will take place about 10 years before the first movie.

Blair pov

I sat on our black leather couch. I’m pretty sure Graves found it next to some apartment dumpster and it was partially held together by brightly colored duct tape. My closest friends and roommates were sitting with me, April on the couch and Graves in a stolen bean bag chair right next to the couch. We were watching our favorite movie, House of 1000 Corpses with the sequel being second favorite. As a group we probably watched it once every other week. 

Normal POV.

  April Locke was a short, maybe five feet two inches, yet busty woman somewhere in her mid thirties, bright cerulean eyes were complimented by pale skin and deep black hair that was more often than not dyed to match her eyes. Her hair easily reached her waist even when tied back in her signature high ponytail that fell into four smaller ponytails.She worked as a makeup artist and stripper to make ends meet. She was the oldest of the oddball group.

 Graves Cassidy was a tall man maybe six feet two inches, nineteen years old, his hair was long especially for a man reaching his chest and was a very dirty blonde nearly brunette color. His body was fairly lean yet had some toned definition. He too was fairly pale from mostly being at work at night and asleep in the day. His job was a drug dealer and occasionally a thief. Graves was good at his job and paid for two thirds of the rent for the trio. 

Blair Crowley was five feet seven inches and had a slim build and was also very very pale. She had been athletic most of her life, she had become athletic in an unusual way for a child though. Her favorite way to get fit was knife and fencing classes along with bootcamps. She was twenty eight years old. Blair had a lack of empathy and emotion towards most of humanity except those she held dear. Due to her lack of emotion she found comfort in her work as a mortician. Her hobby was currently taxidermy, since to her it was an extension of mortician things.  

The trio were the black sheep of their families and outcasts of society. Their found family was much stronger than any blood relations they had. Their apartment was a three bed two bath apartment with a good sized kitchen and living room. The furnishings consisted of 90% stolen or dumpster finds and 10% bought items. At the beginning they didn’t have much money and so made due with what they could do. Dumpster finds were always fun group projects since they would clean it and then refurbish it to their liking. The entire apartment was far from “normal” and that’s how they liked it. 

“I don’t really care what anyone thinks when I say Captain Spaulding is one sexy mother fucker” April said passing the popcorn bowl to Graves. The other two gave the short woman a playful look of disgust. It was well known in the group that April loved Spaulding for god knows why. “Mmm no he isn’t you just have a thing for clowns” April spoke up. Graves leaned his head to look at the girls and chimed in “Says the one who likes the albino rat man.” His voice was deep and smooth. In retaliation she threw a cookie at the man's head. “I like his mind, '' Blair said softly. “No cookie warfare and suuuure it's for his mind.” April said with a smile poking her friend. 

When the movie ended Graves stood up and stretched. “Well lovelies I have to get to work.” He said as he walked to grab his dusty trenchcoat. “Work is an interesting word choice.” Blair called over to him. April added  “could you grab some milk and icecream on your way home?” The tall man huffed in slight annoyance. “I do believe I’m paying most of the rent. You can get off your butt and get groceries.” He said before slipping out the door into the night. The girls both had early mornings so they decided to turn in for the night. 

In the morning Blair woke up at 5:30 am, she walked out of her room to see Graves asleep on the couch with an empty beer bottle in his hand. She smiled and took the bottle so he wouldn’t break it. He was one of the few people on the planet that could make her smile a genuine smile. As she left for her morning run she threw the bottle into the dumpster behind their building. Blair was home by 6:20 am where a groggy April had made herself and Blair morning coffee and tea. The two had breakfast together as they did most mornings. Blair and April both left for work at the same time and walked to the nearby bus stop. April would be home by noon and then do a shift at the strip club in the evening. Blair worked almost every day from eight am to seven thirty pm.  Once all home they would sit down to have dinner or in Graves case breakfast. During this time they would catch up on what had happened throughout the night and day. It was like a ritual for the trio. 

On that Friday night they had decided to watch House of 1000 corpses for the millionth time. It went by as usual with drinks and popcorn being passed around. Once the credits rolled there was a loud crack and then static. This earned obscenities to be yelled by the group. Before they could wrap their heads around what was happening the world went black. 

#horror #house of 1000 corpses #HOTC #baby firefly #otis driftwood #captain spaulding #x oc #fanfic #firefly #tutti fucken fruity #spaulding #otis #driftwood #slashers #slashers x oc #Baby

[wisteria-lodge]

bunt badger primary + burnt prepwork secondary

hi... let's just jump into it, then. when i was young i was pretty much the quintessential Badger (at least i think i was), always kind and ready to help whoever, but then i burned and was like damn, i can't do this anymore? there's too many people and it's all so tiring and i can't help anyone if i'm also not getting any help (depression moment). and i definitely feel guilty about it all, whenever there's someone who's hurt and i can't help i'll always have a pang in my heart like damn i wish i could help.

You sound like a Burnt Badger, for sure.

but if a friend's in trouble i'll immediately jump up to help and i'm like woah! kinda Snakey!

Badger can and do give *preference* to their friends and people they like (especially if they're running out of bandwidth) (I mean Badgers are human.) But a Snake feels like they're doing the good correct moral thing when they prioritize helping Their People, while a Badger is more "i't's unfair that someone gets their help just because I happen to like them/know them better."

honestly i've always been a really selfish person. like a lot of the stuff i do is just for myself, or for the people i'm close to. if i'm not happy then what's the point of life? so i think i'm a Snake primary with maybe a Badger model?

I think you're a slightly burnt Badger primary. Snake primaries ain't this guilty. This is just normal people stuff. It's the Burnt Badgers who call themselves "selfish."

(I have gotten submissions from Burnt Badgers who sound like Victorian children's book protagonists and then go "But why am I so selfish?)

(Victorian children's book protagonists are the most unselfish people I could think of.)

it's the secondary that gets me though. with the depression well things got hard and doing stuff??? damn, that's so hard.

So you've had a period of depression, and burning goes along with depression, so that's going to make this trickier.

maybe sometimes i charge in without thinking and sometimes i plan, sometimes i toil and sometimes i adapt on the spot, but none of it feels like a proper method i use.

This sounds really really burned. You're just doing stuff to do stuff.

though, i used to think no way i was a Badger secondary because in my head i was like "wow hard work??? i hate doing work! i let all my schoolwork pass the deadlines and barely passed most of my subjects!"

Not enough info. This could easily be caused by a hundred different things.

but then i suppose if it's fandom stuff i do sometimes do projects that sometimes doesn't really get attention or rewards but that i personally am interested in. but i still like, make spreadsheets and quizzes just for the heck of it.

Probably a prep-work secondary then, if you're making spreadsheets for fun.

if people will like it. i mean, it's sure tiring not to get any recognition.

I think you need to get yourself a nice little community. A small one. You'll dive yourself crazy trying to get your emotional community needs from nebulous "people." That will never, ever be enough.

i do wonder if doing all this work in the background is Badgery... because there's no other secondary i can think of myself being lmao. also i feel like i sometimes do the mirroring thing? when talking to people? to make them comfortable.

Yeah, that could definitely be Badger.

if theyre being mean to me ill speak in the same tone too. idk.

What, if they're mean to you, you're mean to them right back? That's not really mirroring, because that's just a problem-solving strategy. That's just being human.

the secondary is weird for me since my ideal life is just chilling without having to worry about anything lmaoo.

Again, that's just human being. Not all human beings, but for sure a lot of them. And a lot of Badger primaries especially.

anyway sorry if any of this was hard to understand or anything.

... and the burnt secondary apology.

i feel like i already came in knowing what i am but i wanted to get a second opinion anyway sjkahjkhf thanks for what you do!!

You're welcome. Find some good people. I hope your secondary feels better soon.

#submission #wisteria sorts #sortinghatchats #badger primary #prep work secondary #burnt secondary

[mcrmadness]

Watching educational videos about film making for 3 days in a row has resulted in my watching a tv series and occasionally going "oh so they're using the ZOOM here to emphasize the emotions :oooo" or "ah they're filming the characters from a low angle - normally it emphasizes them being powerful but here it just means they're looking at downhill".

Like. Yes. Exactly why I am watching these videos. But I would also appreciate it if my brain would remember these when I am planning MY videos or video projects for school! But for some reason I don't remember even anything they told us at school. I only remember the stuff about technology, not the actual creative process or mood different angles or lighting and stuff can bring into the video.

I think I also need to focus more in the whole concept of this... I think it's "Freytag's pyramid" in English. In Finnish it's known as "the curve of drama". Basically it's just the main frames of a plot and how a plot of any story or media should go in order for the idea to be interesting for the viewer. And I have such hard time grabbing on this concept. I cannot really compare this to anything I have seen, I can't see where's the complication or climax or anything in a work. I feel like I get excited by things that are not meant to be those to get excited over. I feel that I enjoy more of plots that are complex and don't follow this in the exact manner, also plots that are difficult to understand and need you to rewatch the movie at least 2-3 times before it opens to you fully.

I can't review my own writing or videos and compare it to this pyramid, I don't think I have any of the elements there. It's either rollercoaster or a straight line. And I don't know how to even add those? Mostly because: I often don't even want to. It's cliché to always have a plot have this same frame, it's boring to me. But maybe that is why people have a hard time grabbing on my creations cos they are bizarre and might not make sense for others than me, or maybe they feel like they lack something because I have my own way of writing my stories. Maybe one of my newest might slightly follow this pyramid, I'm not sure, but it definitely was not intentional if so. It just happened on its own.

This is, also, a problem of someone who is self-learnt. Maybe this Freytag's pyramid is kinda similar to musicians who make music but have never studied music and don't know the music theory, but just do what they like and for some people it slaps and it's what matters. Kinda feeling this with my drawings because despite being to art school as a hobby as a kid, and having art classes in regular school, I don't remember ever actually studying arts and drawing. It hit me just last or previous year that wait, you can actually study arts and drawing. It was such uncanny thought that had never crossed my mind before??? I just learnt to draw on my own, using my own methord, making sketches in ways I came up with cos I didn't know about anything else. I still don't draw human heads with circles and lines. I find it confusing. My comic book characters start with shapes only to make it easier to see the size of the finished piece so I know it fits the paper. My photorealism starts with me just drawing the outlines without making any helping lines apart from the grid. I just find the regular way of drawing humans, difficult. I did try one way to do that a while back but nothing really came from it. I still don't know how to use that in drawing and just do that how I used to do with my art.

So in a way when we learn about all this at school, I kinda have these... mixed feelings over what we are taught. We are taught about technical stuff, but I'm someone who likes to break the norms. I like to add weird stuff, add easter eggs, do things that feel obvious to me but maybe not for the viewer. There was once scene in a group video where the camera shakes a lot, and teacher mentioned about it that it didn't look that good, so we pointed out it was on purpose because the person in the video talks about challenges in the studies. Handling the camera is one of the challenges and we decided it fits it well cos it just shows the challenged on the video, just not in the hands of the person who was talking. Altho the teacher didn't say it's bad, but that it's understandable and an artistic choice. So things like these, I like doing stuff like this and I think they are often considered unprofessional or bad or plain unskilled, when I have made a conscious choice to do something that looks very unskilled even when I'd have the skill to either make it invisible (such as cut the shaky camera bits when editing a video) or to not do it in the first place (such as drawing straight lines without the line looking shaky, but I just happen to like the shaky-looking lines that give a more relaxed mood). But I can understand that it can be difficult to sometimes tell apart it when someone's just unprofessional and/untalented (or just in need of more practice), and when something was an artistic, conscious choice. And the latter definitely usually has a smaller audience, but often a very loyal audience. I think Tim Burton is a good example here, since I also am a fan of his works but I also know he has quite a lot of haters, too. And for what? No idea.

#mcrmadness' art talk #madness rambles about school

[writingintheocean]

How many email accounts do you have? Not the accounts your work or school forces onto you, real accounts that you made on purpose, with intention, to be used. Most people say one--One account for professional and personal correspondence and a well-honed junkmail filter. Or maybe two, a real one for all the important things like contacting your congressman or sending Christmas pics to family and a second one for online giveaways you don't actually think you'll win, but it couldn't hurt to enter. A normal amount of emails.

I have 6.

I was raised by paranoiacs, concerned with Trojan horses and stranger danger. This feels normal to me. This IS normal to me. The idea of "cultivating an online persona" is a red flag with its own soundtrack, pealing alarms that would send a sailor into overdrive. How many horror story firings have to stem from cursing in a tweet, being 'too sexy' on Instagram, supporting the 'wrong group' in a post before setting all of your accounts to private and unsearchable and locked down?

Searching for [NAME REDACTED] will only net you fistfuls of community news articles about plays I've directed. This tells you I have a dedicated hobby. Will this be a boon of loyalty or a vice of distraction? Am I a freelance project manager or a liberal-leaning liability? Every company's HR department is a black box and I never know which wire to cut to prevent my own demise. Does anything mean anything? Is what I do real? Am I a person or an investment or a resource?

I hope my shielded life says I prefer privacy; I hope it says I would rather gamble than commit fraud. Or maybe it says I'm not willing to smile and wave and step in line, that I'm of unknown quantity and quality and not willing to play the game. 

I could finish the personal website that's been languishing for a year, the one that aggregates my theatrical accomplishments. But that means showing REAL employers that my interests don't lie at their bottom line. I could join LinkedIn, create a beautiful profile outlining scattershot jobs that I can't seem to keep for more than a year, and have them thinking I'm not worth the time to train. Or maybe I can be loud and proud about my successful union organization efforts, the ones that got me fired from my last job, and never work again.

Aren't you tired of playing pretend? I direct people on how to move, to speak, to portray false scenarios and trigger specific emotions. I know how the game works. Send a thank-you note to show that you were 'paying attention' in your interview, or to show that you're desperate. Fill your resume with enough buzzwords to trick the computer scanners into approving you, but not so many it annoys the human who eventually gets to look at it. Emphasize your volunteer hours because it means you're well-rounded and charitable, or sweep them under the rug because activities outside of work mean you're unfocused and wishy-washy and not committed to 60 hours per week, overtime exempt. Step on landmines until you get lucky.

I'm supposed to be playing the game, and it's humiliating to roll the dice. 

I don't think this says anything good about me, potential employee.

#homework assignment with prose good enough for posting