#but it turned out i didnt need to bc you didnt care for that and we became genuine friends anyways

[aeb-art]

idk if/when i can make a nice version of this so i am tentatively putting the sketch here

#2023 #wip #sunnydrop #moondrop #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #do you see the vision #tbh i might do a different angle for the last part bc its not dynamic enough but again it's a sketch so who cares #obviously inspired by the drawing in the ruined daycare of the moon locked in the tower with the sun beaming down on it #yknow moon trapped in their own head and sun not realizing how shitty that was until moon turned the tables on him #moon did something terrible and it knows that but it also needed help and sun was all moon ever had but… clearly he didnt help #its no surprise to me that eventually moon would try to break out by force #this is the beginning of their toxic exes era

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

#zymart #zymtalk #rant in the tags -> #okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st #the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL #i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board #bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route #and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week #then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway' #and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened' #'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly #in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized #after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??' #but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure. #horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly #SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible. #im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it #oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]: #that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi #i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie #[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim] #but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long. #but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now #idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim #but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it #anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty. #side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶 #you are not safe

[mainfaggot]

just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf

#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS! #bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol #its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people #who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc. #blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others #but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much. #it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge) #it's very.. codependent #i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched #stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching #and when she does she tells me about sitcoms .. #so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc #well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly #and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how #patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned #into a spectator #despite very much still being a fellow player #and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?) #i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving #so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense #theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone #she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury #and then art is just in the middle of it all #and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi #and then he just became her little follower #he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway! #the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic: #patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport #(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way) #z.post

[pagesofkenna]

having seen some spoilers on the Astarion romance arc now, I really wish thats how the non-romance arc went as well. maybe it will? and i havent heard anyone talking about it bc the people not romancing Astarion don't care? but just in the early interactions in my playthrough it really seemed like he and my tav were becoming catty best buds, and based on the spoiler stuff I've seen it feels like his character arc should work even better this way?

#spoilers in tags #but like #instead of the romance arc where he admits to trying to seduce you because that's what he's been forced to do for so long #except this time he fell in love for real and oh no emotions are hard #the non-romantic arc should be like. i tried to seduce you bc thats what i was forced to do for so long i didnt know what else to do #but it turned out i didnt need to bc you didnt care for that and we became genuine friends anyways #like thank the gods it didnt work because we were able to form a deep relationship that wasnt built on sex and manipulation #i just really want the game to make best friends tav and astarion canon but honestly my approval rating might not be high enough lol

[comradecowplant]

so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS #youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao #i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol #to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting #she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3 #anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel #THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now #telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this #so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly #turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly* #shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds... #but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that #also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to #so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings #gender into conversations that it does not belong in #'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks #she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america... #girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!! #i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine #ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘

[daeluin]

AND INARIUS

OH GOD INARIUS YOU POOR SUMMER CHILD. YOU SWEET DUMB CHILD. YOU ARROGANT IDIOT. I AM TEARING HIM LIMB BY LIMB. SHACKING HIM LIKE A RAGGED DOLL

#diablo iv spoilers #my problematic trait is that i love inarius' character #he's such an asshole but he got played so bad and manipulated at every turn i cant help it #he was so obsessed trying to atone for his sins. so blinded by his own self righteousness. so filled with hatred after millennia of torment #he couldnt even see his own doom. he couldnt see he was walking right to his damnation and dragging everybody else with him #DONT YOU UNDERSTAND? HE WENT STRAIGHT TO HELL BLINDED BY THE NEED TO FIND SALVATION AND FORGIVENESS FROM A HEAVEN THAT WONT EVER ACCEPT HIM #HE WAS CAST OUT. HEAVEN GAVE HIM OUT AS A TRUCE AND LEFT HIM FOR MILLENNIA TO BE TORMENTED. BC HE DARED TO DREAM- TO LOVE. TO BUILD A REFUG #AND SEEK PEACE AWAY FROM THE ETERNAL CONFLICT. FOR TRYING TO DEFY THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE #AND AFTER HE GOT OUT THEY WOULDNT TAKE HIM. HE COULDNT RETURN HOME. AND HE WAS FILLED WITH SO MUCH HATRED FOR WHAT HE BUILD. FOR EVERYTHING #HE THOUGHT IF HE DESTROYED EVERYTHING HE HAD DONE. EVERYTHING HE HAD EVER LOVED. HE WOULD BE FORGIVEN. BUT THE HEAVENS DIDNT CARED #THEY LEFT HIM TO DIE IN THE PIT OF THE DAMNED. STABBED BY THE ONE HE LOVED. THE ONE HE FORSAKE HEAVEN AND HELL FOR. STRIP FROM HIS WINGS #HE LOST EVERYTHING BY TRYING TO SCAPE THE ETERNAL CONFLICT. BY DARING TO DREAM ABOUT SOMETHING MORE. ONLY TO BE DISILLUSIONED BY IT #HE DESTROYED EVERYTHING HE BUILD TRYING TO SEEK REDEMPTION FOR HIS SIN. FOR THINKING THERE WAS SOMETHING MORE THAN CONFLICT. FOR LOVING #AND IN THE LAST MOMENT HE REALIZES THERE IS NO SALVATION. NO HOPE. HE'S DAMNED. HE CANT SCAPE THE ETERNAL CONFLICT. ITS IN HIS NATURE #AND SO HE DIES ALONE IN DARKNESS #GOD IT DRIVES ME INSANE

[hussyknee]

Listen I love Ellen and Oscar but

June Claremont-Diaz 🫱🏽‍🫲🏻 Princess Bea

↓↓

✨ Parentification Trauma ✨

#listen I know there's many reasons this happens even with loving parents #but it's incredibly psychologically damaging to have to fill a parent's shoes for a sibling even if you're legally an adult #because your brain doesnt give a shit how legal you are #it just knows you're prioritizing playing a parental role when you need to be focusing on yourself #my most intense parentification trauma years was between 17–22 #it broke my heart that June left her boyfriend to be with Alex because she knew she's the only one who would prioritise him #and Bea pumping the brakes on her mental health spiral because her baby brother didnt have a functional parent left #granted that may have saved her but having to claw yourself back to sanity bc you have to take care of someone else is seriously non-ideal #and yeah I know that their brothers were worth it and they dont regret it #but they have so much reason to be burnt out and hold their mothers to account good god #women arent caretakers and protectors because we're just built naturally kind. it's because we get left to do the nurturing and caretaking #until it becomes second nature #for my part being a big sister is fundamental part of me and caretaking and protecting and nurturing is who I am now #but the inability to ever put myself first and take space when someone needs me #the inability to turn off the kindness tap even when it's running blood #the instinct to fix things and take responsibility for everyone #it's all incredibly damaging in the long run #''southern goodness'' baby that's the gender conditioning ideal #do you know how much repressed pain it takes to be that kind and gentle #firstprince #june claremont diaz #bea fox mountchristen windsor #parentification #child neglect #emotional neglect #feminism #gender conditioning #knee of huss #rwrb #red white & royal blue

[uchimakis]

been seeing so much unnecessary bi mike slander on my dash recently. sometimes selfcare is blocking 15 people and going into the bi mike tag for an hour <3

#while we're at it im also sick of those condescending 'bi mike is valid too even if its incorrect <3' posts #istg sometimes people in this fandom forget that literally nothing is confirmed and everything is up to personal interpretation #why do some gay mike truthers get so pressed about the possibility mike could be bi huh #ive never seen the same level of aggression from any bi mike truthers about gay mike hcs . ive only seen it from gay mike truthers #obv a lot of gay mikers are great and chill and know how to be normal but there are some people out there who seem to be basing their #entire byler experience on being as biphobic as possible lmao #in the most smug condescending way!! its so annoying!! ive seen people genuinely claim gay mike is Confirmed Canon #and bi mike is just a silly little incorrect hc for people who arent as invested and arent watching the show correctly #ive NEVER had this much trouble w biphobia in fandom before. in all my 12 years of being in fandom #and sorry but im sick of pretending its not happening. anyone who is rolling their eyes at this or thinks im being melodramatic: #its not even about mikes sexuality its about how the discourse is really revealing some peoples true colours wrt general biphobia #idc if mike is gay but i DO care if you have a problem with other people hcing an unconfirmed chara as bi #anyone who doesnt think theres any biphobia in byler fandom needs to unfollow me actually. #ive seen too many horrendously awful takes and blatant misunderstandings of the concept of bisexuality #for people to say its not happening. bc it is . #anyway didnt mean for this to turn into a vent post but ive been feeling this for a while #might delete this later and write a proper vent post thats more coherent at some point but for now im too tired for that #so have incoherent venting ig #me.txt

[ban-joey]

last post of the night but it's immensely funny to me that rop being released had me instantaneously and firmly like. all right i will never be watching this thanks, im good with the amount of lotr I've already consumed and don't need any more. vs andor being released i was like eh maybe I'll watch the first episode bc i can. won't watch any trailers though I've been burned too many times. I want so desperately for star wars to be good. and then i watched the first episode and was like oh what the fuck? star wars is For Me? Andor is For Me? A star wars show is finally so very good and doesn't have cgi luke skywalker in it? we're finally not talking about the fucking jedi all the time? finally we are not about the religious order of space cops? finally there is an actionable story here with compelling characters and real sets and show don't tell and political intrigue? where am i

#literally have waited my entire life for star wars to get good and finally ONE show did it #i like the mandolorian well enough at least the first season but then they brought it back to the fucking jedi #because dave filoni needs to play with his shitty stupid action figures #and obi wan i didnt bother finishing bc turns out i don't give a shit and ewan mcgregor tries to make me care but. nah #turns out you need like uhh... relatable characters #having a story you can point to on screen and say hey ive been where this guy is right now in fucking STAR WARS is so special #lotr is stagnant and i don't care what amazon does with it at all #capitalism coin flipped and landed pretty predictably i was so hoping diego luna would get to reprise his role somehow and here we are #I so wish a show that wasnt under a franchise could be made like this. but it is also the fact that it's star wars that makes it special #im going to think about this for a long time.

[mrfoox]

God im... Probably too nice but it's fine

#miranda talking shit #I wanted to talk about a thing but...noticed quickly that they were not in a good mood/mindset so ofc i didnt even bring it up #I mean the talk was good anyway. I think he... Needed that. We talked about feelings and how to handle them #And at one point he stopped and turned to me and went 'that thing you said about getting another perspective on it... Thats smart. Thats #A very good idea. Im going to try that' not like im good at dealing with emotions. But i try to and that's a thing i know have helped me at #Times. Discussed our goals/dreams and well... I cant agree with his or understand it at all but as long as he thinks thats what he wants #Then im not going to argue. Love how he always drone on about he doesn't care about anyone or what anyone thinks but still wants to hear #What i think. I told him that was funny to me. Bc imo one doesnt ask about something one doesn't care about or have any interest in... #He's been a lot more... Curious about what i think about things and its fun. Personally im just fairly weak in my opinions. Not many things #I think are worth fighting over or arguing over tbh. So im used to just listening and nodding. But that may annoy the shit out of him lmao #That might be why he asks me about my opinion bc im so quiet and passive . But yeah very interesting to discuss #Mainly bc i havent heard anyone have that kind of opinion and goal of their own so it was fun? #But yeah ngl i love hearing people say im wise or smart. Bc i obviously dont hear that often. So when i do im like ah ... Thank you �� #Its bc im not book smart but i guess im emotionally smarter or whatever. In general i just enjoy making people think about other perspectiv #Bc i always do that and enjoy it. Think many are unintentionally stuck in their own way of seeing things and everything become so black and #White. To me the world isnt . I wish it was but no everything is gray with many shades lol #Also me doing and example: 'i dont think everything is your fault oliver. I think its my own' #Oliver serious: yeah well i dont think its your fault either Miranda.' i almost cried like... He didn't have to say that i was obviously #Doing an example and joking ? But he still ... Said that and im like...thabk you for reassuring me... #And he really went 'i fought hard to be the one that came by here today. It was going to be another guy which me and magnus hate. So i #Fought hard to be able to come here instead' and im like 🥺... Thank you... I wasnt there to fight but thank you for doing that... #I mean im guessing he also enjoys our conversations so i dont think it was a selfless thing but it made me happy :') #If i could have any say I'd basically only have magnus and oliver come by me but i know thats not how it works but it made me happy that he #Went out of his way to get it changed. I need to thank him again next time... At least he seemed to be a little lighter leaving than when #He came. So i hope our discussion was a bit helpful at least. Something had happened and i asked him if he wanted to talk about it #And he said no first and then 'maybe. We'll see' which to me is major bc uh.... He usually dont ever talk about anything happening actively #To me. Usually he comes and shares it 6 month later or something. So... Trust increase? I hope im rubbing off on him in healthier mental #Ways. Considering he's gone from saying nothing about himself to trauma dumping ... I guess something has changed. God i just #Want to pick his brain about everything for real. He has such diffrent values and priorities than im used to and anyone i know have. I love #Hearing all about it. Ive told him before but if we didn't meet through this... Unusual way. We'd never would have naturally. And if we did

[whsprings]

.

#cw// sh #some of my tools were straight up missing when i was checking on them yesterday #which makes me think either 1) someone went through my stuff and found them and threw them out #or 2) someone knew i sh bc i didnt hide it well enough and intentionally found it and got rid of it #it is possible i just misplaced it but that is unlikely #i dont need it anyway but i dont like the thought of someone having found my stuff #also #cw// ed #day 1 of being home and turns out if everyone thinks youre doing fine and you eat what everyone else eats (mostly) #no one cares if your intake is inadequate #so restriction level is about the same as before #dont know how this will vary day to day though #and really i need to increase my intake i just dont want to #kajshsgscdcdvdh

[globodamorte]

she's not even home. what the fuck girl

#overheard my mom yelling at my sister bc she hasnt been home since yesterday #and shes always going out and never cones back by the time she says she will (WHEN she comes home) #and she also keeps my dad awake bc it's fuckin 2 in the morning and she needs a ride #and we all worry bc she barely answers her phone and shit #but anyway mom was yelling at her #and turns out she was on the phone and this girls not even home yet #so idk #she really doesnt make it easier for herself #like come on #“oh i wanted to see this friend and leave but they were 3 hours late” just leave then. just fuckin leave man #and like maybe its easier for me bc i have no friends and i dont go out #but idk man #if your nights out are making your mother consider kicking you out then maybe reconsider some things. #like i dont care that she goes put a lot #but shes really inconsiderate towards my parents #i thought my mom was yelling at her bc she just got home #but shes not even here shes still out #like idk everyone gets worried and she just doesnt care and keeps us awake when she could just come home at a reasonable time #and while i do think its funny bc some years ago i did spend 2 days out bc i didnt feel like going home they were fine with it #but i guess its because i let them know first??? or they just dont care about me as much #delete #and shes always like “oh today ill go home early im really tired ill leave in like 1 hour” and she literally comes home like 8 hours later #shes so bad with time but bitch you gotta work on that #you cant teehee your way out of everything

[deosilplanarglitches]

Reason #345734 why I don't tell my mom shit.

Her pain and suffering is the only kind she cares about, and she'll play stupid games with me like ghost me for 3+ weeks after a minor surgery, just to make sure I'm worried enough about her life to check, so she "has permission" to start in with the talking my ear off about her problems without boundaries or preamble. She won't know shit about my issues til after they're over (if she hears about them at all) bc she never asks a damn thing about my life, and literally only ever leaves room for herself and her feelings in any equation literally ever and then peaces tf out like. Bitch I'm permanently disabled and in a degenerative spiral that's gonna last my whole fkn life, and you're still bitching about yourself? Wanting me to cater to your emotions when you haven't even spared a CRUMB of consideration in return?

FUck all the way off.

Should have known that if she had died or sth bad happened, I'd have heard something right away. After 30+ yrs of her pulling the "yeah my kid tried to kill themself for the 7th time, but have you asked ME how hard it is to raise them doing the nothing I have been, bc I still don't know them as a person at all or even try to? Where's the compassion?!" shit... you'd think I would know better, but my compassion gets me fucked over YET AGAIN.

If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty.

Back to no contact.

Let the bitch suffocate if she can't self soothe.

#idk how many chances she's gonna get in this life and she's still playing stupid games with my fkn emotions and banking stupid ass prizes #frfrfr every “nice” thing she does is usually laced with something she knows damn well I hate so she can use my reactions against me bc #she just wants to have a nice peaceful time throwing me a bday party i didnt want with cake i don't like and getting butthurt when i don't #lie to her face and spare her feelings and literally replace my own boundaries with hers instead #wonder where I got the minimization of my own problems from hhhhhhh bitingbitingbiting #this shit is why it took over a decade to even get the autoimmune diagnoses i needed to understand why i was infirmed half my fkn life but #noooo she's gotta make everything about her #i never get a “hi how are you” just months of no contact followed by all her drama in a full discography without even checking to make sure #i'm in a space to be carrying all that shit #which as a chronically ill and fatigued person it's just courteous to ask before you dump shit on them if you know they're gonna be tired? #it costs zero dollars to check on someone before you dump every article of your dirty laundry on them and throw a pity party without consen #i can also be guilty of venting too but ffs at least i check in on my vent friends if i go too hard and try and keep shit stirring to a min #nvm the last time i told her anything it was to say i got those diagnoses and actually have medical reasons for my permanent exhaustion #and she turned it into a fkn competition!!!!!!!!!! #this bitch only cares about herself it literally doesn't matter if she's well or sick it's all about her and what she wants out of it #never once did i get anything to the degree of 'what would you like to happen/where are your boundaries here' bc she doesn't fkn care #so i am done giving her the grace she doesn't need and hasn't yet earned back bc i'm not putting her needs before mine again fuck that #fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck this shit i'm out~ #vent rant #pls ignore

[instantarmageddon]

You know as a kid with Behavioral Issues™️ who's dad would grab them and shake them and threaten to beat them in public for doing Normal Kid Things I don't really remember the specific things he would yell at me, but I do remember looking to other adults for help and watching them pretend not to see me.

#VIVIDLY remember the face adults would make when they Averted Their Eyes #if they acknowledged the situation it was to commend my dad for 'keeping me in line' #for the record i only ever actually got hit a handful of times #but he would grab me and pinch me in ways that would hurt but not leave marks #like i would throw a fit over something stupid because i was 9 and it would turn into this fiasco where im sobbing snot running down my face #with a grown man standing over me threatening to spank me in the dairy aisle #while tim the milk man pretends he cant hear me begging to just be left alone #bc being quiet wasnt enough! he would get in my face and yell at me to smile so everyone knew i was okay! #that i wasnt being abused and i was fine!! smile right now before they get the wrong idea!!!!! #and like my mom didnt give a shit #shes totally checked out. she to this day swears days like this never happened and im exaggerating for attention #but i fucking remember man! i felt so fucking SMALL #i was like this lunatic is gonna fucking kill me and no one will care #bc like only a couple of times was enough to know that he was more than capable of hurting me! when he said im gonna beat you black and blue #i believed him!! #i used to think that i was the worst most evil child to ever exist. i thought i was the literal antichrist for a bit #and looking back i was just a small child who was grieving and needed someone to talk to #dont even get me started on the fucked up shit he used to say to me. like ive repeated it to people #and they just straight up dont believe it bc its so vile #and a lot of times there were witnesses!! #no one in our society gives two shits about children and thats why so many adults are so fucked up #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk #i saw something fucked up today that i couldn't do anything about and now im having some sort of breakdown about it

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

#ack. i wanna but a scale so bad but idk how much money i have rn #well at least since im restricting again ill have more money since i dont spend it all on food #wish i could get a job but id have to walk to it and i cant in the weather so im gonna wait till spring or summer #might wait till i turn 18 bc ill have way more options so i might aswell. its only like 2 months off from when i could even get one at all #hmmm. ill have to ask my mom to tell me how much is on my card bc i cant check it myself. im kinda regretting letting my sister not pay me #back immediately for $30 bc then i could buy a scale rn but she doesnt have much rn so whatever #going another month without a scale wont kill me. for the majority of the time before i recoved it didnt have a scale so whatever #but i remember feeling so awful not even knowing if the pain i put myself through did anything so idk if its worth that #i fall ever enough as is with my pots so idk if i wanna add starvation to tye mix when i cant even see the numbers drop #well. ill find out how much i have today and if i have a fair bit then ill buy one soon but if not then ill just cry ig #idk. i feel stupid for relapsing. i KNOW.it feels terrible and i dont even care much about getting skinny. i just miss starving myself #its not about getting skinny its just about seeing the number go down and hurting myself and i know it doesnt actually feel good but like #idk. my life has felt chaotic and out of control recently and i need something to hold on to even if it kills me #i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with #people who abuse me. i live with my only friend in a place where i can actually go places. not many places but theres at least something #idk. i think itd be easier to be ok if i had other friends but i just have my sister. i dont even know how or where you meet people #everything i read either says scool for minors or bars for adults which is useless to me. the only others things are things not around me #idk. i guess ill have to get a car eventually and when i do that then i can go places. i feel so bleh lately #i just. i wanna be sickly and skinny. not bc i think im ugly but bc i wanna be sick. i dont dislike my appearance. im relatively thin #not that it matters bc theres nothing wrong with being fat but like. idk. i used to hate my appearance so much but i dont now #so it feels so weird that im relapsing anyway #idk

[hannieehaee]

ahh i dont know if this is weird but i was just curious abt how you think svt would react to their s/o using a safeword during sex???

18+ / mdi

their s/o using the safeword during sex

content: mentions of sex, assumed established relationship, mentions of using the safe word, mentions of reader getting hurt, etc.

wc: 873

a/n: thank u for requesting!! i made it kind of ambiguous as to why the safe word was used so u can just use ur imagination for that<3

masterlist

seungcheol -

freaking out internally at having hurt you but!! externally he'd immediately jump into comforting mode and do everything in his power to ensure your safety and comfort. he'd apologize endlessly for having delayed even on second in detecting your discomfort and would spend the rest of the night cooing and pouting at you as he babied you.

jeonghan -

for once in his life he'd be caught so off guard and enter a state of shock, stopping immediately and unsure of how to proceed. even though things didnt go too far and you hadnt gotten hurt or anything, he'd still feel sooo fucking bad. wouldnt be able to joke to lighten the mood either bc he'd just feel so bad to have hurt you in such an intimate setting. would coo at you and caress you the rest of the day.

joshua -

soooo worried and apologetic. the apologies would be endless as he held onto you and ran his hand up and down your back. sex would be the last thing on his mind as he made sure you felt safe and calm. would make sure he knew what made you use the safe word so he'd never do it again.

jun -

he'd go from 0 to 100 super quickly with his brain completely disregarding what you guys were doing just a few moments ago to make sure you were okay. would ask a million questions as he checked with you. if you pointed out his still massively hard dick, he'd grab a pillow and cover it, claiming it was 100% off his mind at the moment.

soonyoung -

super apologetic lol would just mutter apology after apology after apology and hold onto you so tightly whenever you gave him the green light. he would barely even allow you a word in at first bc of how many apologies he'd be blabbering. would thank you for letting him know before things got too far bc it wouldve absolutely broken him if he had actually harmed you in any way.

wonwoo -

he'd be slow at stopping, knowing that if he suddenly were to stop he might run the risk of hurting you or scare you off. he would continue to be slow in his movements as he pulled you closer and held you in his arms, always giving you time and space to create a distance or move however you pleased. he'd apologize if he hurt you and try to do anything you needed to make sure you were comfortable.

jihoon -

irrationally scared he might've hurt you beyond forgiveness at first. this was a first for him, so he'd feel beyond apologetic and like he had committed a capital crime at having hurt you, even if it was an accident. once you both caught your breaths he'd comfort you (and himself) as he held onto you and made sure you were okay, apologizing for whatever it was that caused you to use your safe word.

seokmin -

stops immediately and becomes extremely apologetic about it to the point where he almost cries. he'd NEVER want to let his lust go so overboard to the point of even giving you the slightest discomfort so this instance would stick to him. you'd have to come to him next time u wanna have sex bc he'd wanna give you space to decide if u wanted sex again on ur own.

mingyu -

jumps off you so quickly he knocks himself off the bed with a huge tud, making himself become the actually injured one. the tables would turn, making you have to take care of the bruise he gave himself but would be consistently interrupted by him wanting to tend to you in case he had somehow hurt you.

minghao -

he'd take it so seriously even if you told him it wasn't that big of a deal, that you just felt off for some reason. none of your rebuttals mattered when he entered a zone of utmost worry for you. he'd switch things up completely, telling you to lay down while he made you a warm drink and prepared a bath for the two of you.

seungkwan -

really loud lol. he'd get scared at the situation, having never been through it and not knowing what to do. he'd end up going overboard and overcompensating in trying to tend to you after having accidentally hurt you.

vernon -

another member who would be too shocked to react at first, simply pulling away from you and blanking on what to do. after a few moments of staring blankly, he'd finally move and ask if you needed anything, checking if you were okay or if you were hurt in any way. he'd feel kind of awkward but would still be sincere in his worry for your wellbeing.

chan -

jumps back immediately, eyes wide as he freezes in place. would take him a few moments to actually get close enough to you to check what was wrong and offer his comfort. would feel soooooo fucking bad. would also feel embarrassed that he had somehow hurt you or made you uncomfortable in any way. you'd somewhat have to comfort him to make him realize it was fine since he listened when you used your safe word.

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen #svt #seventeen oneshot #seventeen smut #svt smut