#but maybe your time would be better spent making your own fanart if you wanna complain about how the artist draws a certain character

[whatsitzface]

Fuck every percy jackson "fan" who is still complaining about percy & annabeths HAIR COLOURS being different then in the books. I hope Nico is blonde so that all of you cry and scream like fucking toddlers

#like actually #please STFU on pjo fanart #nobody cares that you are upset about annabeth not being blonde YOU DO NOT NEED TO COMMENT IT #like we get that you do not have the skill to make banger pjo fanart yourself (oh noo :((( poor baby) #but maybe your time would be better spent making your own fanart if you wanna complain about how the artist draws a certain character #contrary to unpopular beleif the world does not revolve around you #just because you don't like that leah jeffries is playing annabeth does not mean that the casting is gonna change #go sit in a corner and cry about it and stop having a meltdown in artist comment sections! Literally nobody gives a shit about your opinion #if you are actively bringing down the pjo fandom/tearing apart anything the new adaptation has to offer #then I will gladly inform you that you are NOT a pjo fan #you are an annoying piece of shit that cares more about accuracy then the actual story #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson series #percy jackson disney+ #annabeth chase #leah sava jeffries #walker scobell #leah is our annabeth

[carpisuns]

New anon, but I saw the last one and I have some thoughts. Specifically, I have been obsessing over ml for the last month or so, and I’ve only seen three episodes, and they were the three released before crocoduel. And you know what? I wasn’t that into it, it wasn’t bad it just wasn’t half as engaging as fanon and fanworks have been for me.

I’ve also done this with the Magicians, Supernatural, and a couple others. I think the reason that this works, for some people, is because it is a more familiar and in many ways, easier way to discover and become attached to new material and new characters. Fan writers and artists are coming from a place of love for their source material (no matter what issues they may have with it) and that bleeds out into their work. Time is spent developing the characters and their feelings, their relationships, in ways that canon so often can’t or isn’t allowed to, and reading that, it’s very easy to fall in love with new characters very quickly. There’s also common AUs and dynamics that make it much easier to start something new.

And also: comfort characters. So many fans find common ground with characters and further project onto them, particularly in fanfic. And because of that it’s often easier to identify with a fan’s interpretation of a character than it is to identify with the canon’s, since you have these more deeply explored feelings and relationships based on a combination of canon and the personal experiences of the fan writer. Also, with these kinds of fics it’s extremely emotionally affirming since for someone who doesn’t have much of any connection with the source material, it feels like the original, even if you’re reading a large body of work by a lot of different people. And I’m so used to fanfic as a substitute for the emotional work and character development that shows/movies/books don’t have room for or aren’t willing to get into, that approaching a fandom as it’s own original piece of media in a way, feels very comforting.

That’s my perspective on it anyways, and why I do this. I do think it is a good thing to engage with the canon to an extent, even if it’s just watching a few clips (how I found ml) but I also don’t think you need any real connection or knowledge of it to be deeply invested in the fandom. Sorry, this got very long.

you know, i totally get being on, like, the fringe of fandoms and interacting with fanon to an extent without a proper investment in canon (I have a couple fandoms like that), but i honestly just can't imagine becoming super invested in a fandom when I am not invested in the source material...maybe that's just a difference between you and me, idk.

but also, i gotta admit that i'm struggling a bit to understand the reason. you yourself pointed out that fan work is enjoyable because the creator's love for canon bleeds into it. and isn't that the reason that you would want to give canon a real chance? obviously there is fan content made out of spite lol (and sadly a fair amount in this fandom), but to me most fan content is like a love letter to canon. like, "i adore this thing so much that it inspired me to create and share with other people who adore it." and what better recommendation is there than that?? i would think people would wanna familiarize themselves with canon in order to better enjoy fanon(?)

i completely understand your point about fan content delving further into characterization and relationships where canon hasn't/can't, and that is such a big appeal of fanfic/fanart. but i don't feel like that's a reason to not engage with canon? on the contrary, i feel like you are missing something important in your understanding and appreciation of that wonderful exploration if you haven't experienced firsthand the foundation that canon set. and maybe that missing thing is just your personal interpretation of a character/dynamic.

for example, i could say, "adrien agreste is this, this, and this and he would do this but not this." and of course i will think im right because my characterization is always perfect 😌sakjdfaldjks but someone else might have a slightly different interpretation, and someone else will have another interpretation, and when you mush all those individual takes on a character together, you will get a good sense of who they are, but you still don't have the Original™️ to draw your own interpretation from. idk, to me it sounds like basing your opinion of chocolate ice cream on what other people are saying about it without ever trying it yourself? ajsldakljf maybe that's an oversimplification but i do think that without experiencing it for yourself, your understanding will always be kind of incomplete.

idk, i big agree with everything you said about why fan content is special, but everything that is a point in fanon's favor is not a knock on canon. to me fan content feels pretty inseparable from canon, so it just doesn't compute to me to take canon out of the equation? then we would have nothing.

i feel like it's almost kinda trendy nowadays to be like, "oh this show actually sucks lmao but the fanon and AUs are good." like it's shameful to actually...enjoy source material? 😭 i mean i completely understand that miraculous ladybug is not gonna be everyone's cup of tea and that's fine! but if you truly enjoy the fan content that much i encourage you to give canon a real shot. it's not that surprising to me that you watched 3 recent episodes and didn't vibe that much, since you haven't seen the 3 seasons of buildup that lead to them. miraculous has a neat way of tying a bunch of things together so if you aren't familiar with all of it, you're probably missing out.

personally my love for miraculous was kind of a slowburn at first. i only started watching the show because my sister and i made a deal that forced me to watch the first few eps lol. and i didn't really vibe either. but there must have been enough of a spark there for me to keep watching bc for some reason i did and the more i watched the more i fell in love with it until it became the thing that occupies my brain more than anything else. i started with canon and then got into fanon, but it could easily go the other way too. and if you're already invested in the story and characters, i have to imagine it would be much easier to push past the initial cringe of "this is a show about a couple of teen furries rated TV-Y7 on netflix" lol and give anything you don't vibe with the benefit of the doubt.

again, to be clear, i'm not trying to judge or gatekeep here! i'm just saying this because i genuinely LOVE miraculous. it's my favorite show. that's why i make things for it. that's why i have this blog. i want people to watch it. so maybe, pwetty pwease, try watching the show you like so much? 🥺👉👈

(source bc i was too lazy to make my own so i stole this from twitter)

#anon #ask #fandom #long post

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

#writing talk #writing fanfics #writing fanfiction #writing fics

[faintwalker]

for the artist asks!! the questions i wanna ask u are 1, 2, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 25, and 30 👌 ive never done any of these artist ask things before so im not sure if thats way too many questions so u can skip some if u like

Even more questions!  -wWw-  

(As I’ve already answered 1, 2, 7, 15, and 25 with the previous ask, I will skip over those, but let me know if you want an answer expanded upon!)  

So, it looks like I’m starting with:  

9. How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?  

I feel like I should say that, due to the pandemic, I feel like I didn’t pick up this hobby on a time of average days, so that may skew the data a bit.  On some days I don’t draw at all, for various reasons, or I only get a small doodle done.  Some days I draw for a few hours.  And some days I spend more time, sometimes even the majority of the day, working on art, usually when I’m afflicted with hyperfocus for a project.

So, an average day is probably more than one hour but less than five.  Maybe.  I can’t say I’m sure.  

10. Are you confident about your art?  

It depends, I think.  

Perhaps I should say I’m confident with where I’m at with my art, in many ways.  I’m still learning and growing as an artist, and there are many ways in which I hope to improve my abilities.  Some of my art has many mistakes, and certain pieces are uncomfortable to look at with how glaring the mistakes feel-- even some of these pieces are on my blog.  I try to avoid showing a strong lack of confidence when I don’t feel great about something, because really: 

The art I do is a hobby.  I don’t have to be perfect at it, all I have to do is find that it brings something worthwhile to my life.  

And so for me, drawing isn’t about being perfect.  If I was trying to convey a concept, did I convey the concept?  If I was trying to capture a certain feeling, do I feel it when I look upon the piece?  If I thought of something silly, does my art of it still make me want to laugh?  Sometimes art is about emotional processing or healing or fear.  Sometimes art is wanting to share something with someone else, hoping to brighten their day.  It’s a form of expression, and it can express all kinds of things.

(If my art is a love letter to something that matters to me in life, do I feel glad of the time I spent on it?)  

When I ask questions like this, I would say that I have confidence even if I have much to learn in the way of skill.  And I do think some of my skill is pretty decent, too!  I can have a lot to learn and still feel good with what I do now.  

Even if a piece is not my “best,” I will still often put it up so as to not corner myself into raising my own bar on what’s “good enough” to an impossible high.  To live like that is miserable for me.

(I grew up in a place where my worth was dependent on my abilities.  To draw and create without my art needing to be “good enough”-- needing to try for perfection on every piece when perfection itself is an abstract concept-- is a way in which I make myself freer.  And so my philosophy on art has perhaps become a strange one, but it gives me the strength to draw as I do.)  

(Sorry if my answer is odd and overly heavy!  I was trying to answer the question honestly, and this was the best way I could think to do it.)  

12. Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?  

Super okay!  If you’re curious about something, please feel free to ask!  

-wWw-  

(I already answered 15, but on some days when I do many little drawings, the time between posting can give an idea of how long they take!  I often post things soon after I draw them.  Not always, and some time is spent with taking the picture and formatting the post, but I did realize that sometimes when I draw many smaller things, I do them in a row!)  

30. What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?  

Many things, to be honest!  There are things I would like to convey better in my art, so that’s a big one.  Seeing other people’s art can be inspiring-- I can’t word it well at present, but the world is full of all this art and I find that to be wonderful.  Sometimes that makes me want to contribute too, partially out of appreciation.  I’d like to make things that other people can see and have feelings about.  I think that’d be pretty cool.  (It’s always super cool to hear when people like my art!  Makes me really happy.)  

On the contributing-- I like to make fanart.  It’s fun to be part of an online community of people who all like a certain thing and celebrate that in various ways, and seeing all that inspires me to put in effort when I can!  Thanks to all of the kind people who have been part of my positive fandom experience!

As I said earlier, art is a form of expression, and so part of it is wanting to express myself better.  

Below the cut I get dark and heavy.  This is your warning about that.

 To be personal for a moment again: I’ve survived through some really terrible things in life.  One of the things that helped me the most to get through that and to make it to the better place I’m in now, to keep me going on alright, is seeing reflections of pain similar to what I went through in fiction.  I don’t know anyone who lived through a situation like mine, and I’m happy about that, actually, because I don’t want people to suffer, but a fictional character can’t be hurt in the same way as a person can be, as they are a concept.  And it’s not easy to find characters with hurts very similar to my hurts actually dealing with them in a psychologically realistic or relatable way, but when I do find content with that, it matters so much to me.  It makes me feel like I’m not alone. 

If I can, I want to make something of the sort that I find helpful, in the hopes that it might help someone else too.  And that is the deepest heart of it-- helping myself and others.  

---  

Thank you for sending in the questions, jellyfish!  I hope the heavy answers are okay.

#ask answered #ask meme answer #a bit heavy #it's cool to get questions sent in for these!

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it! #Anonymous

[theninjazebra]

rest of my Animal Kingdom fanart can be found Here

Part 4: Renn in my fic series - In the Wake (or In Which The Codys Kinda Hang Out And Take Turns Having Messy Breakdowns). got another 4 parts planned after this. 

part 1 Pope

part 2 Deran

part 3 Craig

fic under cut -

Renn.

A house with a baby is never fully asleep. A house with a coke dealer and born thief is never fully asleep either, but in this new life Renn finds she doesn’t startle awake anymore, never too deeply asleep to be unable to smoothly tap back into wakefulness. 

She can hear voices coming from the main bathroom down the hall. She can hear Nick doing his soft baby breathing in the cot, and Craig isn’t in the room. Deran must be home. 

She contemplates going back to sleep, but a check of her phone says Nick will be up for a feed again soon. Renn sighs, gets out of bed, finds a clean enough hoodie of Craig’s and walks on cold feet down the hall. 

The scene in the bathroom is becoming familiar. Craig trying to wrestle Deran out of dirt, blood, and vomit stained clothes and into the shower, Deran hopelessly insensible, possibly crying, slurring dark shit when he could even form words. It used to be the other way round, Deran never really having an appetite for this kind of oblivion, preferring pure adrenaline and a bit of weed to soften the crash. There was a time, when he was .. 13? 14? he would get shitfaced on whatever he could get his little grubby hands on and Renn would help Craig wrestle him home. Hopefully this too would pass. 

“Hey, I’m going to feed Nick in sec, you need anything?” 

Craig startles, looks up. “Nah, we’re good. Sorry about this. Again.” Deran takes this opportunity to lurch forward and split his lip on the edge of the bath, feeling nothing. Craig swears. 

“It’s ok.” She means it.

***

She ends up having to walk her baby up and down the road in front of the house to get him to settle again. Craig swears by it, says the sea air has healing properties. 

Renn still can’t quite believe she’s playing house and babies with Craig Cody. And that she doesn’t hate it, that he isn’t fucking it up so far. Oh, it isn’t easy, and she has a hefty rainy day fund stashed away for the second it doesn’t work out. Nights like these, with fussing babies and little brothers keep them up, it’s tempting. Cut, run again. See if her cousins have any work going. 

But she won’t. Can’t. There isn’t a word for what Craig is for her. Never safe or stable enough to last long, but always a shelter when she’s needed it most.  And though they had never been exclusive, he is the only man she’s fucked in years. Who knows, maybe this will be different. A baby, no more Smurf…

Nick finally stopped grizzling, and they headed inside. The house is quiet when she gets in, Deran curled up unconscious on the couch in a t-shirt four sizes too big. Craig is still awake when she slips back into bed.

“You were right, that sea air really does the trick.”

Craig hums and curl around her. “Yeah, he loves the ocean. Can’t wait to get him on a board.” 

“Not long before he can have his first swim.” An idea strikes her, she turns in Craig’s arms and looks up at his closed eyes. “We should do something for it. It’s almost like a baptism or a christening or something, right? But better. I don’t want him in some church, and your family isn’t religious, are they?”

Craig smiles, open one eye. “Fuck no. I mean, Pope maybe, when he feels like it. But I like your idea. Will be nice to have a celebration.”

“We could invite my cousins. They haven’t met Baby Nicolas yet.” Craig gives her a look. 

“They know he’s my baby?” 

“I don’t think they’ll be surprised. They were never going to hurt you. I’ll never hurt you, baby.” 

Craig buries his face in her hair. His breath deepens and she’s just starting to drift back to the shallow sleep that’s become her new normal when Craig mumbles into her hair, “I’m worried about him. It’s getting worse. I don’t know what to do.” 

“Yeah. He’ll pull through again. You’re doing fine.”

“Why do you put up with all our stupid Cody shit? You just had a baby.” 

“It’s fine. I kinda expected it would be hard for him.” 

Craig pulls back, suspicious. “Why?”

“Craig, I know, ok?” Craig frowns, is clearly trying to work out how to lie to her face, but Renn stares him down. She feels like a monster when Craig buries his face in her hair again, goes very still, and then a fine tremor starts in his hands and then down long limbs, to his whole body. He isn’t crying, but she thinks it’s because he doesn’t know how to cry about this. This dark, hopeless thing he’s carried for his brother for so long. 

She remembers, like it’s a photograph, Craig’s face that night. 

Renn usually tried to avoid the Cody house, but her living situation had been in flux for a couple days and crashing there had been the easiest option. She just hid in Craig’s room, avoided the rest of the family and Craig brought her food. Just like old times.

It had been very late, or very early, after a nice day. Lazy and hot, too buzzed and fucked to be worried about much. She had his complete attention, both of them lost in a warm dark world of their own.

They hadn’t heard the door to the shared bathroom open over the music - not loud, but enough to mask most noise elsewhere in the house. But she had heard Deran, calling to Craig, standing still and not-right in the doorway, half hidden in shadow. His voice had sounded… she didn’t know. Wrong.

The effect on Craig wasn’t like anything Renn had seen before or since. Suddenly sober and closed off from her, solely intent on getting her out and shielding Deran from her sight. The only clear look at Craig’s face she had was of soul deep heartbreak and despair. 

Everyone had an opinion on how Smurf was with her sons, but Renn had seen it. She had spent the next two nights sleeping in a friend’s van and Craig had avoided her for months after.

“I don’t think you remember, but that time I stayed at the house…”

“I remember. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Yeah.” 

Craig didn’t save her from her mother’s house, but did provide enough to keep her going until her Uncle Nicolas could come, sweep her up, give her shelter and a means to never need her mother again. And here in the dark, smothered in the Cody’s secrets, she couldn’t be more grateful.

***

Renn usually woke first to enjoy the secret morning time to herself. Just enough time for coffee and the ever present roar of the surf. Go through the night’s messages, work out who wants what when and plan the day accordingly. 

The couch is empty when she gets up, but a groan and the sound of the toilet flushing means Deran has stuck around this morning. The look on his face when he emerges says that he won’t be ready to go anywhere for a while yet. 

Renn makes herself some coffee, sets some water in front of Deran where he’s slumped at the kitchen counter avoiding her gaze. She gets why he’s embarrassed, but really, come on, they’d both seen so much worse from Craig over the years. Fuck, Deran had probably seen worse from her. 

“So Craig and I talked last night. Think we might do a thing for Nick’s first swim in the ocean.” 

Deran cracked an eyelid at that. “Yeah? Like what?”

“Dunno yet. Just invite people down to the beach. Get him his first wet suit. Probably want a party after. Wanna host?”

Deran looks confused, not ready yet to think. “My house isn’t that big…” 

Renn fails to not smile. “No, at your bar, dumbass.”

“Oh. Yeah, that sounds cool.”

At that moment the bedroom door opens and Craig staggers past with an indignant Baby Nick in one arm, retrieves more towels from the hall closet and shuffles back to the en suite, muttering darkly about showers needing to change the sheets in the crib.

Deran groans and slinks back to the bathroom. 

Renn pours herself another coffee and pulls out her phone. She’s going to need to work out a date for this thing first.

#my art #animal kingdom #animal kingdom tnt #Renn #sorry for shit writing #most if this was written and proofed after midnight #and i'm very bad at picking up mistakes #in the wake

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

#hell yeah tysm now also i should go for Passing Outs #(where you pass out like knocking out) #thank you Three Other Asks i see and appreciate it as well #oh wait shit four!!! #lol #it's 5:20am bed time bitch all day hit the hay #i forget what i say here i've been on and off doing whatever for the past 5 hrs obviously lmao #nothingunrealistic1

[askgalato]

2 and 13? (and 37 if you wanna!) ovo? 💚💚!!!!!!!!

((HELLO GREEN I LOVE YOUR ART AND BLOGS!!2. How long have you been drawing? Since I was a mere babie…. 5th grade is when i started!!my sister started drawing and tbh anything she did i would mirror bc yknow… we spent so much time together it just Made Sense i think that was around.. 9 years ago ….?? im old 😔

13. Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people?I LOVE drawing things for other people !!!! but i usually only have the motivation to sketch my own characters :’) but i really do love drawing gifts for people i used to be much better at it- i’ll start working harder!!! i wanted to draw fanart for a lotta blogs here, maybe i can make fanart a weekly think? we’ll have to see!!

37. Draw a picture!speaking of fanart :] all your ocs are so cool!! i tried drawing your dont wanna cry boy!! hope you like it !!!

#munday #long post #THANK YOUUu #i was gonna draw kyou but i was like oh SHIT a sCARF #love scarves #i havent colored in forever how do u color

[modesty-blaise]

Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

#psychonauts #this is a lot longer than i expected #meh #also: all those posts are now under one tag #so you don't have to check my blog 4 times per day #that hobbit reposter #my psychonauts stuff

[hazeldough]

hm i need to vent a little. i’m going to do my best to avoid self degrading language, but it is a vent post, so i may slip up.

i kind of wanna give up?

like obviously, I don’t wanna, especially since I feel like I’m really improving and given the content I’ve made in the past month, I don’t think I should.

I finished a 58 paged comic, I made an animation, and I’ve made multiple illustrations since the start of my break.

I don’t feel burnt out, I just feel. I don’t know? A bit useless?

Like it feels that no matter how much stuff I make, no matter how hard I try to be visible, it just won’t ever happen. I post stuff into the hashtags, but it doesn’t show up. And insta has been shadowbanning me lately, right when I finished my animation, that I can’t even advertise it properly.

I know those things aren’t in my control, and sites have the tendency to be fucky.

But it’s precisely because it isn’t in my control that it’s psyching me out.

I’ve spent years trying to have a better opinion about myself and the work I produce, trying to stop using language and behaviors that degrade either or. I spent a lot of time on myself. I feel like I could be in a worse situation if I spent every day self-pitying my lack of thereof skills instead of understanding what my limitations are at that time, accepting it, but still being proud of the work I was able to accomplish.

But it doesn’t feel enough.

I’m 20. I know I have more time to accomplish things. I know that I’m young and that I have a lot more to learn to do the things I want to do. But with how the market for artistic careers is competitive, I get really worried when it comes to the subject of my future.

I’ve spent the past year wondering what would have happened if I went to another school or if I chose a different major. At the same time, I don’t regret the decisions I made, as it has brought me to a place where I was able to meet new people and learn a skill I didn’t think I was capable of doing. However, it also makes me wonder what would have happened if things have gone differently.

Would I have a better online presence? Would I have been able to achieve just as much, if not more, improvements and explorations in art? Would I have achieved a similar level of social satisfaction if I were at a different place? What if I didn’t decide to major early? Would I be worrying about the things that I’m worrying about right now? What if I decided to major in illustration instead of animation?

That last question especially gets to me.

I have more confidence in my skills as an illustrator than as an animator, but at the same time, I feel like I wouldn’t survive as an illustrator. I have a weak social media presence and the shadowban on insta coupled with tumblr’s own faulty site doesn’t make it any better on my part.

I don’t get a lot of commission requests, and when I fall into the rabbit hole that is comparing myself to other people’s art work, it makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. Do I post too much personal stuff that it outweighs my art? Even if I do, I like being open about my interests and personality. But is that too distracting?

Maybe it’s because I don’t post fanart anymore? I could make more fanart again, but I just rarely ever feel the strong desire to like I did in high school. Is that wrong of me? I know it isn’t because it’s all a matter of preference, but still.

I could just quietly finish my degree, but then what would I do? I don’t have anything I’m particularly skilled at because I’ve only spent my time honing my skills as an artist. And even when I did that, I don’t think I’ve gotten far, visibility wise. And what’s the point of improving if I’m not able to reap the benefits of my labor? 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my improvements and I don’t hate my work, I actually like it. It’s more of a “if this is what I’m going to do, what’s the point if I just stop making things if no one actually misses it if I do.” I guess a fair comparison is if you cook food for your friends, but they decline to eat it.

And since my problems lie in external forces, I don’t know how to where to go based on that. If my issues were internal, I know I would start from there, but I can’t just force people to like and share my work. Things don’t work out that way.

At this point in time, it just feels like I’m doing things because of the sunk cost fallacy. I want to finish what I started and I want to do it right. Especially since I’ve spent most of my life and a ton of money into the path I chose.

But I feel that if it weren’t for that, I would just give up right now because I don’t really see the point of continuing.

tl;dr: insta is cucking me from the hashtags and it just piled on to the other stuff i’ve been sitting on and is kind of pushing me over the edge. in the words of john mulaney, I think eventually it’s gonna be ok, but I have no IDEA what’s gonna happen next.

#vent/ #long post #sorry mobile users if you have to scroll through this :(

[hollowphobia-casual]

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGICAL VI:  THE AGE OF SUPER ULTIMATE CHRONICLES OF FRIENDSHIP ORIGINS ZERO

So with Tumblr bursting into flames and most of the artists I know and respect trying to abandon this ship like rats escaping the titanic, I felt it was best if I moved this from my usual December the 25th to... NOW, Because well I worry that many people on this might not be here by the time 17th passes and my eternal dying love to those I care about will be unheard and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t remind EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of my friends how important and special they were to be and what makes them fantastic, So yeah depending on the state of tumblr after Dec 17th this might be the last one, or I will just have to email all of you INDIVIDUALLY. @mistercrowbar CROWBAR! HEY! So, you’ve been on this friendship list since..., we have been friends, which is.., a really long time, like I honestly can not recall a day where we have not been friends and during all that time I can’t get over just how amazing you are! Like, Holy shit are you real? Cause I get to a point where, I think this woman can’t improve anymore, and then BAMB! You do! Like Jesus, I’m always just floored by what you put out, I said once before that I strive to be as good as you some day and that has not changed! But now it gets even harder, cause like, not only are you good at art, You go and pull this beautiful disaster out of your head, SAY HELLO TO FUCKING RYYBYN BITCHES! If there was a competition for some of the best DnD characters I have ever seen on paper, I’d vote for Ryybyn every-time, a literal joke character who evolved into one of the most emotional rollarcoasters I have ever seen, who made me DETERMINED, to either play a game with you (And I fucked that up) or a game of my own, just AH!, This character! Like, their design, their character art, THEIR STORIES! OH GOD DON’T GET ME START ON THOSE, CAUSE YOU BEAUTIFUL GENIUS! You took comics from your session and made a BOOK! That I want to buy! I WANT ONE, BUT CHRISTMAS SO, ARGH!  FUCK YOU SANTA! And!

And.. If you were not just fantastic enough already, incredible artist, attractive, funny, nerdy as all shit, super space wizard, DND and now.., now.. FUCKING HOME OWNER, like how, why, when, what! I know you moved into a house, like, Holy shit you moved into a house, but holy shit you OWN a house, it’s yours, you can paint dicks on the wall and no one can stop you! Your Independence it just, floors me, every-time, here I am questioning everything about myself and myself worth, and you go buy a house, and release two books IN THE SAME YEAR. I said how I wanted to follow in your footsteps, become as great as you, WELL APPARENTLY I NEED TO PICK UP MY GOD DAMN FEET CAUSE I’M TOO FUCKING SLOOOOW. I am SO grateful to meet someone terrifyingly amazing and best of yet, they think of me as their friend (For now) Just.., Please, don’t ever stop breaking down walls and plowing forward, you fantasticly insane woman you. @nightmargin So, what feels like, not that long ago we were chatting about Ralph and OCTs, as well as other kids who are incredibly prone to accidents and damages and now, well, YOU HAVE A FUCKING HIT GAME THAT I CAN’T LOOK LEFT OR RIGHT WITHOUT SEEING IT’S LIKE BOOM! Go to MCM OneShot Cosplayers, Look at youtube videos either seeing your characters in the background or I’m seeing people playing your game! I went on a Discord chat and I saw someone sporting a Oneshot icon. I’m just, so, happy and proud and amazed by the how far you have come, it’s just, you were always a talented person, your comics, story and artstyle was fucking fantastical, I was soaked into every second of it, wanting to learn more and more with each new picture and then, just to put the cheery on this cake, you did music, but not just any music REALLY GOOD MUSIC, I remember going to your gallery on DevianrtArt just to listen to a song over and over cause it was so good, like, damn and now, you are like, HUGE, it’s insane, like seriously, someone took time to make a 3D model of your character, holy shit. I’m lucky to get fanart, but what this is, I just, my friend is amazing person, and I couldn’t be more happy for her if I tried, you should be proud of yourself if you are not, take time and just let the well earned reward sink in, your hard work has defiantly paid off. @blueskyesartic Okay, so like, You are amazing, I dunno if I’ve ever said it enough, but, you just are, there is nothing about you that I’m not awed by, you are just, so fantastic in my eyes, I dunno if that's putting you on a pedestal or not, but fuck it, this is my sappy list so I say what I want! Your art is beautiful, you yourself are just one of the most fun people I have had the pleasure to talk to and I miss it so damn much, are trivial pointless conversations that spiraled endlessly into jokes and deep discussions, are critical thinking on story telling and art in general, it was amazing, but.., either you are never alone or I’m not and, I hate that, I’ve missed you so much it sucks, like.., I have these great memories of us talking, drawing and spending time together, these perfect moments in time that I will cherish to the end of my days, cause I know you are going to become something, I can feel it, but I might end up left behind. I just wish I could spend more time, talking, chatting and just being with you, you are amazing and I’d love to run on to you on a stage at a convention, like we joked about, but no matter what happens, you need to keep being brilliant, every second of every day, you have to continue, cause you are great and everyone knows it. @taplaos HOLY SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHIT THEY CAN MAKE, IT’S FANTASTIC, LIKE, HOW DAMN!  Everyday I feel like I’m seeing new and more amazing designs for T-shirts created by you and it’s just like, wait, this is tappy right, maker of wonkey eye, how when, OH MY GOD, Your art was always so bright and colourful but, damn you’ve improved so much I feel like I need to stop and just soak in how much you’ve improved, cause damn, can I just say damn. I am so proud of how far you have come and I can’t wait to see what fantastic designs you come out with next, you are amazing Tappy, don’t let anyone ever tell you other wise! @dansome0203 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, GOD DAMIT, I have both talked to you a lot this year, but also not enough, or maybe I have, or maybe I haven’t, I dunno, but god dammit I wanna talk to you more, but you are hardly online when I am it’s so GAH! You are just, that amazing my friend that you are driving me insane! URGH, I feel terrible there is like, a shitton of things I wanna do for you, draw your characters being namely one, but I haven’t had time and just, URGH. But more importantly, the reason I wanna do all these things is just cause, you are fantastic, and I don’t just mean the way you draw boobs (mostly), you are such a kind fun person with so much great creative energy I just wanna, get inside your head, I have such mixed feelings on one side I really wanted to be in that DND game you started, but it’s also just a delight seeing the stuff that comes out of it, the curiosity building from it, that funny ass video you shared with us. Everyday I think I’ve seen the limits to your skill, charm and wit, then some how you change everything with new ways of being all that and more, it’s a tad exhausting. All I can really say that this year has been fantastic in what time we have spent together and I just want to spend more, I can’t wait for the next opportunity I’ll get to do so, maybe I should try asking you into a call or something, I dunno, please just, keep being you and keep being fantastic. @flunafloon & @spesiria & @spookydrawsI I didn’t wanna do this, but... I’m sorry, you guy are fantastic people I love your work, I love each one of you but I just.., I struggle to keep up to date with my own life let alone my friends, but three were such big important parts of me it feels.., no I feel like a shit for basically knowing nothing about what has happened, I use to message you each frequently, keeping up to date on your art, your lives and now.. Fuck I hardly even see you on my dash and I just, fuck, I can’t.., You are all amazing people, I should of been a better friend, I want to say I will be but it’s getting harder and harder and I don’t want to disappoint you, I respect and love the three of you too much for that, I’m sorry for being such a useless shit, you guys, are fantastic and leagues above me. @doodlediddy MY FRIEND IS HAVING A BABY, MY FRIEND IS HAVING A BABY! LIKE, HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE ANOTHER PERSON GROWING INSIDE YOU, LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, It’s beautiful, horrifying and just, I can’t believe that someone I know, someone I met on the internet, had close conversations with and more or less stopped me from doing something, VERY stupid, is going to be a parent, like, WHAT. While I am above the moon happy for you and your bundle of joy, I do know this means we probably aren’t going to chat as much, which hasn’t been that much as it is, which REALLY super sucks, I miss you, like, OH so much, I miss are chats, are discussion.., heh, I still remember when I stayed up super late just to send you Toradora, one video at a time, god, that was so funny and really bad for my sleep schedule actually. Still the best romcom ever. I really miss you, I’m so happy for you, I hope we get to talk again, love you, you big christian mamma. @lou0 There are many people I would attribute to me being here right now, from saving my life, to being a mentor and some just being shoulders to cry on, but none of them.., were the person I obsessed over.., wait let me rephrase that. When I started as good old Clock-workable, making steampunk rip offs of Unknown Peron’s Karl, you were some I admired, you were a kind, passionate and amazingly creative artist, AND HOLY SHIT MAH, SHE’S IN BRITAIN, I COULD POSSIBLY MEET THIS WONDERFUL PERSON. Sadly that never happened, and I’d openly admit I feel very intimidated talking to you, I dunno why, shame? Guilt? I feel like, I don’t belong, that I’m not good enough for you, that there are better people who deserve your attention that I do, despite just how, fun you are to be around and just how important of a person you are to me, so I admit it, it hurts, me seeing you down low like you are, I wanna pick you up, be the motivation you were to me, but I also have to accept that I can’t be, all I can do, is try to be a good friend and be there for you. You are, the most amazing, creative person I have ever known, I’ve wanted to Commission you for long, to collab with you, to have one of my characters drawn by you, hell just be noticed by you, cause you are just that important, I mean, I dunno what I am saying here exactly... You said you don’t see a point, but you to me, your are was the biggest point, it was bright, colourful, sexy, scary, amazing and just filled with so much character, everything you drew and draw has just so much life to it, I wanted to capture some of it and have it for my own. I dunno if what I am saying is meaning anything, but your art reflects you and to me, you are colourful, sexy, scary, amazing and just filled with so much character, every second has been delightful and if you will let me, I would love to continue to enjoy it more. @jabbage I find it funny how, no matter which minecraft server I joined, I never got as far in building a base, than I did on your server, as short lived as it was and despite no one ever joining it, I never joined a server where I got as far as I did on that server, like, I dunno how but there was something about it, maybe it was the fact that I really wanted to build that clock tower. I miss that, I hope you are well, you beautiful human being, It sucks, cause I know that, out of everyone, i feel like I spent time with you the least, which is stupid, cause all I can think of, when talking to you is good memories, which is like saying I stopped talking to you because you were too nice, which is dumb, the truth is i just got busier, and busier and it sucked. Cause I remember thinking how I really wanted to get o know you, cause you were a fun person, I’ll try to be better from now on, cause deserve it, you are a fantastic human being, smart and caring, not just trying to butter you up to make up for my.., terribleness, but I will try, to be better, for you. @shadowscarknight You fantastic mate and I know, it’s been hard, I’ve not been avoiding you, I really haven’t, but, it’s just hard you know? The way, that ended it probably wasn’t easy being you, I dunno if you even know why the two of us stopped talking to each other, hell I dunno why, but that isn’t your fault, specially after you commissioned me, which again, I happy you enjoyed it. You are a great guy, funny, witty, charming and your designs, fuck off they are that good, but you do come up with a lot of them, but then again you get inspiration and you do what you love, so no one can fault you on that, unless your making another ask blog that you won’t update, hehe. I promise to talk more, cause I’m so proud with how you are improving, cause just like, wow, every time I see you look away, it just gets better and better, I should really ask for some tips off of you, cause damn mate, your leaving me behind. I hope you don’t stop being fantastic mate, You are a joy the world can never do without. @totalobelisk I know where you hang out!... So it’s not excuse that we haven’t been talking as much, fuck mate I’m sorry, I don’t hate you or anything, no, fuck no, you are great, it’s me, I’m just.., fucking useless to be entirely honest, I’m terrible at communicating with people and I’m surprised you haven’t just unfollowed me from everything and cut all ties, cause, fuck, I’m just so.. I’m sorry, you are a fantastic guy and we’ve been friends for too long for me to neglect you like this, I’m so sorry, I hope I can start talking to you more to make up for it, or just hit me up sometime so we can chat, cause you deserve better from your friends. @velkro-bitch & @fivirr & @a-trashcan-in-a-corner Am I cheating by grouping you three together, yes, maybe... BUT I ALSO HARDLY GET TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU GUYS AND IT FUCKING SUCKS, CAUSE YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL LOVELY PEOPLE AND I WANNA SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH EACH OR EVERYONE OF YOU! (Or maybe I’m just secretly trying for a four way polyamory) But Jesus fucked by a pogostick guys, how can you three come into my life, be amazing shits and then just leave me! You are all such wonderful, thoughtful and delightful human beings that every second with you felt like an eternity, I’m a naturally defensive person, I have a lot of barriers in place to keep myself emotionally safe, and all three of you tore those down! (your gonna have to pay for that) AH, And to make it worse, when you shmucks do show up it’s very late and I gotta go to bed, REVOLVE AROUND MEEE DAMMIT, I WANNA SPEND TIME WITH YOU GUYS, it’s so hard I love being with you all, but it’s so infuriatingly difficult, I feel like giving up half the time, but I also don’t want to cause I love you all so much, god you three drive me mad, but it’s what I enjoy about you guys and I hope we do get to spend more time together. @phantomdotexe I honestly do not know where I would be without you right now, for you it may seem like all you did was re-post my art, credit me and commission me, but you also introduced me into a large friendly community that I didn’t even think I had the right to be in, I was and still very much am the new kid to all this, but everyone you introduced me to accepted me with open arms, artists and writers whom I thought I’d never get the chance to speak to talk to me casually nearly everyday. It’s all thanks to you! You amazing person you, I know you beat yourself up, ALOT, when you really shouldn’t, you are so amazing, not just in your writing talents, but in your world building and characterization, but even then that isn’t there is all to you, you are.., the most, charismatic, funny, playful and down right enjoyable person to be around, you are infectious, you have touched so many people in so many ways that you manged to build a community of friends and fans who want to build upon your foundations, I dunno if I’m even speaking the right words now, haha.., But you are fantastic, so when you struggle we all want to help, we all want to see you grow as a person, as a writer and an artist, you brought so many wonderful people together, you should deserve to see how truly wonderful you are. @horrorjuice Speaking of people I don’t deserve to be friends with, I’m just.., fuck where do I start, well, I will say it’s not entirely my fault you are hardly ever on Discord and I don’t like Facebook, but Bubby, my bubby, I miss you! I miss your explantions, your ideas, you concepts, your worlds, your beautiful bubby brain like GAH, I remember our chats, are long wonderful chats where your dog would bark loudly, the beautiful horrible slobber monster that he was. I miss you Bubby, I really do, I wanna chat and talk like we use to, I wanna hear your beautiful amazing ideas and see your brilliant art work, god I miss you, but I hope you are well and that you are being just as fantastic and brilliant as the day we first met, you wonderful human being. @valbey-the-girl Fuck you, you lovable asshole! How dare you be such a wonderful insightful human being who has had my back for so long, I remember when we became roommates for University as a somewhat after thought, we hung out but we were not exactly ‘friends’, but now, I dunno how I could of survived with out you! You are a wonderful source of humor and opposed thinking that I enjoy, you agree and don’t always agree with me, which is the best sort of friend, someone who can challenge my values and viewpoints, but at the same time doesn’t belittle me..., mostly, you twat. I am so happy that we’ve stayed friends for as long as we have and that I invited you more into my world, with regular games of DnD and other video games, as you prove to be time and time again a great person I love to have at my side. I hope we get to hang out again person to person, because I miss you mate, talking on chat gets stale fast specially when your friend is as great as you. @whatever-i-feel-like-rebloging I struggle, so hard to understand us, that it hurts cause.., I want to be friends, but I just always feel like I’m being pushed away from you, and it hurts. I’ve spoken to many friends about the troubles we have had and many of them have said to drop you, but I don’t and I dunno why, maybe because, I’m scared? Or maybe cause I’m unsure how or, perhaps I’m just very hopeful? I remember a time where we’d talk all the time and I loved it, it was great, we never discussed or mentioned how we didn’t like each others thing, we joked, we flirted and it was fun.., but now, all we seem to do is give each other little comments and snap at one another and I hate it, I hate it more than anything I can imagine. I wanna be your friend again, I wanna laugh with you, joke with you but, I feel like I’m just being singled out and removed, that I am something of mock and ridicule, which I hate and I dunno what to do with myself or you anymore. I hate, disliking this, I just.., I just wish I had never liked you, because I feel like that was when everything went down hill, cause we use to be such good friends, but now, I feel like we are more, acquaintances.., it sucks. @grittysugar HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. That’s all... ... .. Okay okay, but fucking seriously, you went from some gal drawing redhead accident prone children flying goats and tall noodley men with green hair who probably shouldn’t be to fuck. TO DO FANTASTIC CREATIVE ANIMATIONS ON YOUTUBE, LIKE HOLY, GUM DROP SHIT, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA-, I wanna kiss you I’m so proud, like, GAH, I still can’t even put it into words, like it was..., uh ... .. . EIGHT YEARS AGO, that we were opponents in a tournament on the internet and now your, I’m so happy for you, and I SUCK cause I haven’t bought any of your merch yet... (but I will), And if I can I’d love to see you at a con so I can give you a big ass hug, but that might be another, I dunno, ten years. Also I’m a shit head and it’s occurred to me I have never asked for your Discord information, which now is probably high protected FU-, God I dunno, if you still count me as a friend, or even a blip on your radar, but I just wanna say, I’m happy and just, SO proud of you, I want you to keep growing as a person, an artist and just, be fantastic. @clauseart OH MY GOD HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR COMIC GOING! And shame on me for not staying in touch more cause holy shit, you are on fire, your colours, designs, panels it’s just, WOOF, it’s blowing me away, I’m so proud for you, every time I see you post a page, all I think about is how I need to catch up because my comics currently in the dust, while yours steams ahead. I honestly can not wait to see where things are going, and to see how you go with it, I may not be the best of people at times, but I’ll be damned, if I won’t try to follow along the best I can, cause you have only just begun and I’m so excited to see you be yourself and just wow everyone around you! OH and Please most some stuff from your DnD game! I’m curious about what you guys are up to these days, hehe. Be fantastic. @funktrash The girl was essentially my fan when I was a nobody is doing a webcomic better, quicker and more on time than me, AND IT’S GREAT, like, AH! I know, you beat yourself up, it’s part of who you are for such a long time but, you have to realise, YOU ARE AMAZING, you are fantastic! Like, seriously, you have a comic, your is beautiful and just, WHAT, I remember back when we made an rp group based on this thing! And now it’s something I can read and enjoy, and I’m enjoying it, seeing these characters whose stories I’ve only had the chance to glimpse at now brought to life with your beautiful colours and wonderful sense of humor, timing and pacing, it’s just, YES! I’m so amazed at you, you are fantastic, don’t ever tell yourself otherwise, cause you are a star, a bright burning beacon of awesome! @mortooncian-art FRIEND!... FUCK! Okay, so I’ve always known you existed forever and I’m always loved your work, I even followed your webcomic! Until it wasn’t a webcomic anymore, but sadly I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU, expect that you are so funny, your art is fantastic and I’d love more than anything to get to know you more! Cause like, I see your art, these lovely illustrations filled with so much character and life, I just wanna do the same, (If I only wasn’t very busy) Like, I enjoyed your stuff so much that I regularly looked forward to going to twitter just to see what you posted, either a comment or art, cause it was the highlight of my day, and I HATE social media with a passion, but you made me really excited just to see your posts, and I know a person who can do that with just their art is probably twice as exciting as a person, and I really want to get to know you more! So I hope you keep being a wonderfully fantastic person, whom company I get to enjoy in the future. @sunshinedrago This woman, single handily got me back into watching shitty anime again, and I love her for it, God dammit you are such a fucking fun person to be around, despite the damage to my ear drums I do enjoy our conversations from nerding the fuck out, to tearing things apart. I may not always seem that happy at times, but I’m naturally a miserable person so you will have to forgive all the BS you went through with me, but god you are intoxicating in your positivity, the characters you make are enjoyable to playground with, the ideas you come up with are very surprisingly engaging and your commissions, equally detailed and time consuming, haha. Like Jen I dunno how I have lived with out you so far, you are such a conversational delight it makes me feel like I’m a teenager ago, howling loudly in laughter as I watch awkward as shit anime and actually enjoying my life, but whats great about you is not just the fun, it’s also the insightful and thoughtfulness to you we all grow attached to, you have a great way of handling peoples pain, that I have only seen in a few people, being to be compassionate, reasonable and always to get a chuckle at the right time, I dunno how you do it. But please don’t change, it be a travesty if you did. @tuz-ohtopia TALK TO ME MORE! Tuzoh, you are a very busy guy like.., stupidly busy the amount of work you put into your DnD sessions are stupidly amazing and the stories you have crafted are fantastic, all I want is to share in it more, to listen to how you work, you scheme and plan, your creative thoughts, everything. But you are busy, which is what both I love and infuriates me about you, you have such a driven determined work schedule it puts me to shame, I never wanna see you slow down, because I know you are doing something that is just, wonderful, but at the same time I wanna talk to you, get know you and build on our friendship, I feel like I’ve talked about you to more people then I have ever to you and it sucks, cause you are an awesome dude. Not trying to pity you and say just stop everything for me, I’d never want that, I’m just, so enthralled by your creativity that I wanna get to know the inner workings, maybe work with you. But no matter what happens please just keep doing what you are doing my friend, you are a delight and fantastic treasure, I can’t wait to see what you do. @knifetotheback WHERE ARE YOU! no seriously I mean it, you appear like, every now and again, but you are hardly ever around and it sucks, cause you are a fun wonderful person. You were always a delight to talk to and it sucks that we don’t get to chat as much, I hope you are alright and that you are still having fun with what you are doing right now, we miss you, I miss you. Keep being wonderful, where ever you are with whatever you are doing. @nickala OKAY, So, feelings, down in words,..., fuck this is hard, I dunno how to describe you, like shit, you are amazing, but beyond that, you aren’t just an amazing friend, you are a unique friend, a special friend, no wait, that sounds romantic, what I mean is.. I feel trapped so often, I hate it, my brain is flawed and wrong, I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I can’t help it, I speak and I make people mad, upset, annoyed or just.., I hate it, it’s the part of me I dislike the most, I just want to talk to people and say “HEY, you are beautiful, keep it up” But I can’t, but you, understand me, you help me so much with these thoughts and understanding the world in a way others could not and for that I will never not be thankful, but at the same time I feel shit, because, I know you are struggling, I wanna help so much, I wanna be there to make it easier, to help you through this rough patch, but I can’t I dunno what the right words to say are cause this isn’t a thing where one solution is the right solution.., but you have to realise you are amazing, your creativity is outstanding, the designs and creatures you create are far greater then anything I could ever come up with and I wish I could be on par with your skill in monster design and anatomy. You don’t have to compare yourself, to others cause you are already in a league others couldn’t even dream to reach, if only you could focus on that and draw strength from it, and I wish I could help you do that, but all I can say is that I will be here, the best I can, even if it’s terrible. @thelovelyghosty Is it possible to meet someone who makes you very calm and also incredibly nervous at the same time, YES IT’S YOU! I love you Jen, I am so happy that I get to have you as a player in my DnD games as well as be a human being I get to call a friend! It’s amazing just how open you are to everything as well as critical thinking, you are a breath of fresh air compared to people who only speak with their feelings and not just their thoughts and I enjoy every second of our conversations, yes even the dumb ones! I feel like you complete a part of social circle that I didn’t know was missing and that’s why it hurts so much I hear what you have to struggle through, but you amaze me, because despite all the bullshit you are still here, you are still a person whose company I get to enjoy, your strength is awe inspiring even if you don’t see it yourself, not to mention your brain, have I gone on about your brain enough, cause it’s fantastic! I wish I could just ramble on with you for all day and night, cause I imagine the discussions we’d get up to come be fantastic. You bring a fantastic fresh view you everything, even seen in your character, the Amazing Shield, they’ve hardly spoken but like you they have left an impact on me and everyone else that I doubt anyone will ever forget and as such it wants me to return in kind, you are an outstanding person and I want you to keep being outstanding, so I’ll always be there for you, no matter what, day or night. @altoblt5 Okay, first off, you are too adorable, so I will just have to kill you and second, thank you for joining my DnD game! I won’t lie, I was super fucking hesitant at you joining as I’m not good with people at all, expect all these friends above this text, ignore them for a moment. I am hesitant as shit, I’m nervous and I worried that anyone could be a potential threat to me or others, but you, came fucking tap dancing in with a stupid, lovable infectious character and personality that just, melded so well it made all my worries go away and the more I’ve gotten to know you the less regrets I have about you ever joining our game, you’ve only improved it by adding a dynamic to the group that we didn’t know we were missing from the start! I hope as we go on we can stay in touch, possibly do more games together and just chat more, cause we should really do some other stuff outside of DnD. @riyamilea I’ve been following you since Rise and I have to say, I’m so happy I did, and I was fucking ecstatic when we got to play in a DnD game together, like H.O.L.Y SHEEEET, that was fun for as little as it lasted, but I guess it was invertible a bit, there were signs, but out of it I finally got to make you my friend, and that's an experience I am so proud of cause like, YOU ARE AMAZING, you are so fun and insightful, I just, I’m so excited that I get to talk to you, cause just like, GAH I dunno how to put this into words, you are just, brilliant, that’s it, you are brilliant and I can’t wait to spend more time with you and hopefully, we can play more DnD together in the future, in the mean time, just keep being fantastic.

#Friends #My friends are fantastic #2018 #December #Tumblr friends list

[nickireadstfc]

The King’s Men, Chapter 2 – Welcome Back, I Guess

In which the squad is reunited in the usual heartfelt fashion, Andrew has inquiries about learning curves, we finally find a hashtag for Abby, and Neil gets a makeover.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

Hello hello hello! It’s been almost exactly three months since I last updated this trainwreck of a blog, holy shit. I have no one to blame but my own lazy ass.

But none of that matters because – here we are! The hellride continues, fucking finally.

In other news: We hit 1,000 followers during hiatus!

Wowzie. I’m still stunned by the number of people who want to read my bullshit antics.

So, if you’ve only found this blog during my hiatus – welcome! If you’ve been around for this shitshow since the beginning – welcome back!

Here’s to the rest of the series.

(Oh boy.)

             [Neil] needed his teammates to think he was okay. That meant going about the day as if Christmas had never happened. He bought himself time to lock his thoughts down by going for the world’s slowest run down Perimeter Road.

Neil, I love you, I truly do. You are a brave, defiant, proud soul, armed with a battalion of wit and a truly unbreakable spirit.

But you are also an absolute, absolute cockhead.

DO NOT JOG WHEN YOU JUST HAD EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY BROKEN, YOU MASSIVE FUCKING SHITBRAIN.

Neil’s body is apparently an inkling smarter than his mush brain, because it immediately punishes him by making him fall asleep in the library. Serves him right.

And how does he wake up? By my absolute, absolute favourite line in this book so far.

             Fingers digging into the back of his skull startled him awake. (…) “Is your learning curve a horizontal line?” Andrew asked. “I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult.”

IS YOUR LEARNING CURVE A HORIZONTAL LINE, holy shit. Andrew, my boy, my man, never ever ever let me doubt your sass capabilities.

(Not that I ever did, because honestly.)

This may not only be my favourite line in this book so far, but also my favourite line Andrew has ever let past his small rage-filled lips. Is your learning curve a horizontal line.

Tattoo this on my body, paint this on my walls, print this on a blanket and bury me in it.

On a more somber note – this is how our boy Neil wakes up, en detail:

             Fingers digging into the back of his skull startled him awake. He grabbed for a gun, for a knife, for anything close enough to buy him room to flee, and sent the computer mouse skidding across the table.

Does that violent, alert way of waking up ring any bells? Like, any?

The Neil/Andrew parallels are real, you guys, and I am so here for it.

Andrew and the gang fetch Neil to drive to the stadium for fun Fox reunion times, and in the car, Neil makes an interesting discovery:

             A car key was fastened to the adapter head with a rubber band. (…) Either Andrew had confiscated Nicky’s copy or he’d gone out and gotten Neil one of his own. Neither option made much sense to Neil. He’d only used Andrew’s car because Andrew needed a second driver in his absence.

Oh… my… actual… fuck. How can anybody be this OBLIVIOUS. Harry Potter who?

Whether Neil realizes it or not, they are now Car Sharing Boyfriends™ and I am loving the fuck out of this development.

Upon arriving at the Foxhole, Abby confiscates Neil in order to look him over, meaning we’re in for some good good healthy Abby lovin’ in this time of stress.

             “You won’t ask [about the contact lenses and the hair]?” Neil said.

             “I’ve seen you scars, Neil. I’m not as surprised as I should be to find out they’re not the only things you hide. I want to ask, but you told me once already not to pry.”

Excuse me, why is Abby such an actual angel descended from the heavens. We do not deserve her and her absolute kindness. No one does.

(Lies. Neil does. Neil needs that shit.)

And because Abby is a kind and responsible woman with her head screwed on, she benches Neil for a week until he is at least marginally better – which of course, Mr Dramatic Cockhead over here does not enjoy.

             “A week,” Neil echoed. “That isn’t fair.”

             “No,” Abby said, and cupped his face in her hands. “This isn’t fair. None of this is.”

             The pain in her voice killed Neil’s argument in his throat.

Ouch.

             “Sometimes I think this job is going to kill me,” Abby said. “Seeing what people have done, what people continue to do, to my Foxes. I wish I could protect you, but I’m always too late. All I can do is patch you up afterward and hope for the best.”

Oh, ouch.

And then –

             Abby folded her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. (…) The only people who’d ever hugged Neil were his teammates, and those were quick squeezes throughout a good game. His mother had pulled him close before, (…) but she’d never held him like he was something to be sheltered.

Abby, I have never loved you more than in this very moment.

I wanna make a joke about any of this, but I can’t. I’m crying.

Just – #hugsoutforabby

We’ve been searching for three books, and now we finally found a hashtag. Excuse me while I dry my tears with it.

And not enough with that – the Best Hug Ever also makes Neil think on some important stuff:

             [His mother] was gone. Even if she was here, she wouldn’t have comforted him for this. She wouldn’t have held him like he was a hard breath away from shaking apart. She’d have cleaned his wounds because they couldn’t risk being slowed by infection, but she’d hit him for choosing the Foxes over his own safety.

Breaking news: Mama Josten is an actually awful human being, and Neil finally experiencing what real motherly love feels like makes him realize that.

To that, I have nothing to add.

(I do have some hands that Mama Josten can catch if I ever come across her.)

As Neil is released from Abby’s care, he finally meets up with the Foxes, and the usual heart-felt greeting formalities are exchanged – that is to say, Andrew punches the fuck out of Matt for hitting Kevin (Neil intervenes and easily stops Andrew, because, well, obvs), Nicky has exactly 0% sympathy for Matt, Matt calls Andrew crazy and Nicky a monster, and the goalie BFFs have a warm reunion by means of a curt two-second head nod.

So, you know, same old, same old.

             Wymack quirked a brow at Matt, then looked to Neil and Andrew.

             “Didn’t we have a talk about not killing your teammates?”

When. When has a talk like that ever worked, David.

             “[Allison] is not crying,” Neil said.

             Nicky grinned. “Five bucks says she is.”

             Neil should have brushed it off. Maybe a month ago he would have. (…)

             Neil kept the edge out of his voice, but barely. “Don’t you dare bet on someone’s grief.”

HECK YES.

My boy Neil’s development of Not Taking Any Bullshit Anymore has already begun last book and continues to grow, and I am so here for it.

Shortly before Wymack can commence his usual motivation talk, a lil unexpected something happens: As Andrew takes out a knife (which is not unexpected), Neil has War Flashbacks to his father (which is neither), but as he makes a comment about it – Renee drops in.

             “I’ve never understood why he likes knives.” (…)

             [Renee]’d stopped mid-sentence to stare at Neil, but the Renee studying him wasn’t the Foxes’ redeemed optimist. Her sweet smile was gone and the too-blank look in her face reminded Neil of Andrew. (…)

             [Renee and Andrew] stared each other down, soundless and still, oblivious to the bewildered looks their teammates sent between them.

Uhm. What?

I thought we were done with backstory on Renee’s part. Don’t tell me my sweet murder princess has past beef with Mr Chop Chop himself. DO NOT.

What is happening.

But, alas – the moment passes, and Wymack finally starts giving them the ol’ Listen Up, Fuckers, Here’s How We’re Gonna Not Die This Season Speech.

Heads up: They’re most definitely gonna die this season.

The good news: The only reason they’re only most definitely gonna die is because the USC Trojans, the Edgar Allan Ravens and U of Penn – you know, the Three Main Fuckers – are up against each other before semi-finals, meaning one of them will bite it before they have a chance to bite the Foxes.

Yoo-fucking-hoo.

Neil “I’m Fine” Josten, of course, tries to make his case for being let off the health leash once again, but is quickly silenced by, well, every present person with half a brain.

Also – this.

             “A fierce season and ample tragedies means we’re the talk of the town, and this year people might actually root for the underdog. The board want us to encourager that fever with more publicity. Expect more cameras at games, more interviews, and more nosiness in general.”

Oh yeah, because that has always worked out so goddamn well.

Let us reward your charming talent for attracting death threats every time you do so much as smell a camera by supplying more cameras.

             “If I could ban some of you from ever opening your mouths in public, I would, but this is out of my hands.”

At least Wymack agrees.

And last order of today – Mission How To Get Neil To Look Less Like An Actual Punching Bag, which is elegantly solved by everything that solves every problem in a good high school/college movie:

A makeover.

Yup, you read that right, Allison swoops in like an makeup goddess descended from the high Sephora heavens (which, like – she is) and covers up Neil’s bruises like an absolute badass.

10/10 would learn how to contour and colour-block again.

             Neil took [the mirror] from her outstretched hand but let it rest glass-down in his lap. Allison motioned for him to take a peek. Neil shook his head. (…)

             “Not scared of Riko, but scared of your own reflection?”

Clearly, Allison has never looked into the mirror after a night spent getting thoroughly fucked up.

Or like, she just looks naturally flawless even after partying her brains out, which is honestly the more plausible answer.

Also please give me all the fanarts of Neil getting makeup tips and talking about boys with Allison, Renee and Dan, please and thank you.

             Neil was tired and sore and not at all looking forward to his week off the court, but for a moment none of that mattered.

             “We’re okay,” he said to the empty hall. “We’re going to be okay.”

And I’m not.

Happy fucking holidays to all of us! No matter what you’re celebrating - if aynthing at all - I wish you a wonderful time and I hope you’re all well.

Updates will - this time for real - continue in the new year. It’s my resolution, and for once I’m actually set on pulling through with it.

Have a lovely time everyone, take care.

And as always: If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing fun things for you, please consider buying me a coffee. Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

#tfc #tkm #aftg #nicki reads tfc #I UPDATED #IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE #no seriously - I wanted to have this up before the holidays as a sort of early present for all #thank you for sticking with me through this #I love you

[starsinursa]

11 questions tag game!

THE RULES ARE SIMPLE

1. Post the Rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you. 3. Make 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

Begin!

I was tagged by both @saawek and @jemariel, so I’m going to answer all of the questions together in one post.  😊 Thank you, lovelies! 

1) How and when did you get into fandom/fanfiction/shipping?

Oh god. 😂 It all started when I was 14, playing Kingdom Hearts on Playstation 2, and one day I stumbled across some Roxas x Axel fanart on DeviantArt. At first, I was confused. Then I was intrigued. Then I was hooked and the rest was history.

2) What was your dream job when you were five years old, and why?

I always wanted to be an artist, probably until I was halfway through high school, and then I veered more towards writing. I haven’t drawn in years, I really wish I had kept practicing, because now I suck and can’t draw for shit.

3) If you had to only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you eat? (Assume that nutritional needs will be met by this food.)

That’s tough… maybe ice cream? Am I allowed to eat different flavors? That might give me enough variety to keep me entertained.

4) Roughly how far from where you grew up do you now live?

I live about 140 miles/ 2 hours away from my hometown, so not too far, I go home to visit my mom every couple of months. 

5) What’s your usual breakfast?

…coffee. I never eat breakfast, I don’t eat until lunch. I know, I know…

6) Cats or dogs? (Or other?)

Both! I have one of each!  😊 Although tbh, I’m more of a cat person, they’re a lot more low-maintenance and a little better suited to my two-job lifestyle, even though right now I’m lucky enough to have a great aunt who babysits my dog for me on the nights I work at my second job.

7) Favorite holiday?

Hmm, probably Christmas. I just like the feel of the season, even though I don’t really decorate or do anything too festive. I just like the Christmas atmosphere. You wanna hear a funny story about laziness though? The two tricks to never having to take down a Christmas tree are: 1) never putting it up in the first place (that’s my method), and 2) never taking it down (that’s my mom’s method, if I visit her house in, like, May, her Christmas tree will still be up, she literally just leaves it up year-round).

9) What is your ‘happy place’?

Probably just my house. I love coming home after work and decompressing in a quiet, empty house. As soon as I’m through the door, pajamas are going on, I don’t care if it’s only 5 p.m., and I hope I don’t get any visitors because I’m not answering the door for anybody.

10) Favorite song to sing when no one else can hear you?

I’ll sing anything… pop songs, Disney songs, showtunes… I go through phases where I’ll sing one soundtrack constantly for about a week at a time. People will pop their head into my office and be like, “Are you singing Beauty and the Beast?”

11) Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

That’s a tough one, I always change my mind depending on whether it’s winter or summer at the time!

1.Weirdest idiom of your language

It’s hard to choose, we’ve got a lot of weird idioms. “In a pickle”, “under the weather”, “when the fat lady sings”… who is the fat lady and why does she have to sing?

2.Fuck (or cuddle) Marry and Kill with : Godstiel, Demon!Dean, Lucifer!Sam 

Hmmm…I’m gonna kill Lucifer!Sam (sorry Sam, it’s not you, it’s Lucifer), fuck demon!Dean (hooo boy, you know he’d be insane in the sack), and marry Godstiel.

3.Same question but with : Castiel, Sam or Dean (i’m not THAT sadistic)

AAAGH. This one is HARD. I guess…if I HAVE to choose… I would kill Sam (I’m so sorry, Sammy, I love you, I just don’t particularly want to fuck or marry you!), fuck Castiel, and marry Dean. Honestly those last two could go either way, but I picked marrying Dean because I feel like I have more in common with him, we could totally spend our lives together watching Star Trek, reading Vonnegut, and hitting up stripclubs.

4.What’s your zodiacal sign?

Leo, but I don’t feel like a Leo at all, it doesn’t really fit me.

5.Tell us an embarassing but funny moment you lived recently or years ago.

One of my friends loves to tell the story about my 24th birthday, two years ago, when I pounded back grapefruit vodka, margaritas, and limoncello, proceeded to whip my boobs out in the taxi, puked on the subway, and then when we went to a bar called “Sneaky Pete’s”, I spent the entire night calling it “Stinky Pete’s” and cackling about it. That night was full of regret and shame. 

6.Which fictional characters do you most fancy (or find very attractive)?

Definitely Dean, of course. Deep at heart, I’m ultimately a Dean!girl. Cas is an extremely close second. I’m also pretty sweet on Spock. I’m sure there are more, but those are the big ones.

7.Destiel is now canon, do you mind?

Umm, definitely not. I’m probably rejoicing in the streets, drunk out of my gourd, crying tears of happiness on the shoulders of strangers.

8.You got an unlimited access to money and power, what do you do? (see question 7 to have some ideas on what to buy)

Are you suggesting I buy the CW?  😂 Because that’s…not a bad idea. I would also pay off all of my bills and student loans, and then do the same for everyone in my family. I would donate a bunch of money to my favorite animal shelter. Then I’d travel the world.

9.An urban legend or a myth around your area?

We actually don’t have any close for where I live. Not that I’ve heard, at least. I mean, there’s the whole Stull Cemetery thing, but that’s a couple hours away. My city is pretty boring on the urban myth front.

10.Why do I have to ask you 11 questions? It’s fucking hard.

“It’s fucking hard.” That’s what she said. Eheheh.

11.Can you give me a cookie?

I don’t have any cookies, I’m sorry!

Now, my 11 questions for YOU to answer:

1. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received, the one piece of praise that really sticks out in your mind?

2. Weirdest food/ food combination that you love?

3. What would your spirit animal/ totem/ patronus be, and why?

4. Favorite dirty joke (or clean is fine, if you prefer)?

5. If you cosplay/ ever got the chance to cosplay, which character would you be?

6. One of your bad habits?

7. A song that always makes you feel nostalgic?

8. How did you choose your tumblr URL?

9. Is love at first sight a real thing? What about true love/ soulmates?

10. The book/ poem/ fic that changed your life?

11. What is the one piece of advice that you think everyone should hear?

Now I’m tagging 11 cool people I’d like to know better: @aldehydean, @rosewhipped22, @threshie, @castielismyfavouriteangel, @robotsnchicks, @santamadredidios, @holamishamigos0, @beefcakemish, @60r3d0m, @casthewise, @goodtidingsdean

#about me quiz thingy #i've been tagged #tagging others

[tarushipping]

Hello to all my discord friends.

I'm sorry I'm no longer in the channel anymore, and I'm sure the mods will inform you as to why. For those of you that want a more thorough explanation, I think I've calmed down enough to write something out. While I can't speak for the others that were also kicked out, I can try to at least explain myself.

For the short of it, I was shipping with minors as an adult and under the new rule I was out. I...made very big mistakes and it's not something easy for me to think back on. My main regret is just not realizing what I was doing was wrong sooner.

That being said, I really enjoyed and came to love the community. Everyone is such creative, kind, generous, strong, loving, and passionate people and I can't express enough how thankful I was and still am for it. Thank you all so much for welcoming me and for giving me the support that's been really helping me these last few weeks.

I would still love to stay friends with any of you through here or private messages on discord! I understand if you're too uncomfortable to talk to me, and I don't want to make anyone feel that way. But otherwise, I would still love to support all you and your beautiful f/o’s. Please feel free to hit me up if you just wanna chat or anything or even if you'd like to let me know to leave you alone.

You guys are a great community and the mods do a good job keeping it safe. Thank you all again for everything.

For anyone wanting more in depth explanation, I'm placing it under the cut:

I'll try to...explain this as well as I can. I want to emphasize that this isn't an excuse for what I did.

I can't remember dates very well, but I stumbled upon the selfship discord channel almost a month ago I think. When I joined, I was notified very fast that mentioning selfshipping with a fictional minor while being an adult is against the code of conduct. I'd missed seeing the code of conduct because the discord app doesn't have a way to check pins that linked to it. Immediately I apologized and read it in full.

And I understood why it was against the rules. I just never thought about selfshipping with minors in a pedophilia context. And pedophilia is something I definitely don't agree with and the minors in the server didn't need to be exposed to that. Since that moment, I spent a while thinking it over.

I'd been into selfshipping for 10+ years at this point and most of that time was spent as a minor myself. I would occasionally find small pockets and corners of the internet where self insert fics existed and of course the OCxF/O fics. Otherwise, everywhere else shamed on it and I was always too embarrassed and afraid to really put much content out myself-much less have anyone to talk to about it. So I kept my fics and drawings to myself. I think the internet was a bit of a different place for selfshippers. It wasn't until last year that I saw any sort of selfship positivity (on tumblr) and slowly discovered others. I'd like to explain all that to help show how someone at my age, 23, hadn't even thought of this issue. I suppose I was just set on autopilot and kept doing the same thing as I did since I was in fifth grade.

I guess my mindset always saw these characters as first most fictional instead of minors. And there's plenty of series out there that draw/write minors as if they were adults. They always seemed to be just fictional characters in a separate world, but until I had read that rule, I started realizing they were fictional...but they were also children. And I felt gross about it.

Selfshipping is still something very close to me and has been a long time, so the shift of mindset didn't happen overnight. It took me a while of trying to figure out how I felt and what to do about it. I made no mention about all this on discord of course, and was too scared and nervous to really talk to anyone about it. On my personal tumblr blogs, I think a few minor shipping related posts were queued and posted during the first week of my time in the discord channel. I stopped minor shipping myself from that point on. At the very least, I didn't feel comfortable minor shipping while I felt gross about it. This last week I'd been debating if I should delete them off my blog entirely. Part of me figured it was all from a while ago and didn't reflect my current self anyway. I think I was scared to see those words I'd written before and acknowledge that I had said them.

While I was working, I'd missed some sort of chat about adults in the group shipping with minors. Myself included, of course. After work, I had gotten a message saying I was taken out of the channel because of my prior minor shipping. While I hadn't technically broken any rules, it was no longer in good conscious to let me and the others stay. And under the new rule, anyone known to ship with minors as an adult are out of the group.

It...hit me hard to say the least. I shakily attempted to explain myself better. I don't exactly blame the moderators for doing as they did. Trying to keep the channel safe for everyone, especially the minors is very important and I agree with the reasoning. Even now however, I don't think I was treated fairly either. I had been kicked out from the community without a discussion, warning, or even a chance to explain my now different view. I understand that what I had done before was wrong, but I thought I would have deserved...some sort of chance. During my time on the chat, I obeyed the rules and tried to pour the love I was receiving back into the community. I wanted to be involved with everything-having fun on voice chats, playing games outside of discord, writing prompts, fanart love, google docs. I loved everyone and their ships and wanted to support as much as I could.

But in the end, I don't think the mods knew me well enough to trust what I was saying as the truth. And they didn't want to risk exposing any minor shipping to any of the minors in the channel. While I think it might have been handled too severely (again, I'm only speaking for myself at least-I don't know the situations for anyone else), I don't disagree with the action itself.

I'm really sorry about what I've done in the past. I think I'm not the only one that's fallen into that sort of mindset, and I really would ask that you think critically about yourself. My biggest regret coming out of this is not having thought about this sooner. For not having the conviction and strength to delete those posts sooner. To realize sooner that what I was doing was wrong.

It's been a couple days, and it's been...really rough for me. But I know I'll be ok eventually, and at this moment I'm starting to try and feel hopeful again. It's been a great month hanging out with everyone on the channel, and I really can't say how thankful I am for the time. I've gotten so much support and I've been given much more confidence in my own selfshipping. Thank you all again.

While I will probably never be on the discord channel again, maybe I can still try and support the friends I did make during my time. I originally made my selfship blog to support other selfships/my selfships/selfshipping in general so I'll continue to try and do that. Selfshipping still makes me very happy and I want to try moving forward with the confidence that I was given and try and spread that feeling to others.

Thanks for reading all this though to the end, and if you’d still like to stay friends with me, I would love that. I understand if you'd rather not though and if we talked a lot before and would like to no longer do that, please feel free to let me know so I don't keep bothering you.

Thank you all again. I only wish the best for everyone.

#stuff

[kayjscage]

Disclaimer: this is written entirely from my own personal fandom experience. And I'm a leech. I only produce like 2 fics a year, if that, but most of my time is spent reblogging other ppls work. So my experiences are very limited. This is just my perception of fandom, which is probably super far off from what it actually is. Don't take any of this personally.

(And I'm purposefully leaving out discussion of memes. I know memes are an important part of any tumblr community. But memes are not a fandom exclusive thing. So they're not gonna be counted here.)

Anyway.

Listen man.

It's so hard for me to get into fandoms for LAC (live action content)

Like I loved Spn. Been a while since I caught up with the episodes but I liked it well enough. I love the MCU. I'm getting into Lucifer. The source content is great/cool/fine but the fandoms do nothing for me, art-wise. It's not the quality in question. Ppl make pretty fanart of live-action stuff. But it's not good enough for me.

I can only actually give a fuck abt the fandoms of C/A (cartoon and anime) bc like. The fan art is just different. Not inherently better or higher-quality. It's not that. It's just that the fan artists for LAC make a different type art for their shows than weebs do for their C/A

Like weeb artists doodle and sketch and put out art content at hyper speed with big detailed pieces once a month/every couple of months. Based on my experiences LAC fanartists seem to do big art pieces every now and again but most fan content for LAC comes in the form of fanfic, edits, and gifsets.

And I just dont give a fuck abt those last two. Stream endless pics of varying style right into my brain at a speed fast enough to break the sound barrier. I dont wanna look at gif sets. I saw that stuff in the show. If I wanted to see it again I'd just rewatch the episode/whole show. I get that C/A fandoms also do this but not as often as LAC fandom, in my experience.

Like LAC fandoms just do art differently than C/A and maybe it's bc C/A fandom has source content that is already art so it's easier for it to be art based. But like? Why do only C/A fanartists make thousands of fanart pieces and LAC fanartists don't?

Do you have any idea how much more fun it would be to be in LAC fandoms if there were more sketchy/doodley/scribbley art? That artists just kept pumping out day after day after day? It feels like for every one piece of LAC fanart there are 20 pieces of C/A fanart to rival it. Going into the tag for a LA show yields sooooo little fanart compared to the tag for C/A which is almost 70% art.

And listen. I've got ADHD. The kind that makes reading a bitch. A chore. I have to save up so much energy just to read a one shot or one chapter. And that's only if it's under a certain word limit. Just looking at a word limit of 8k or more makes me need to take a nap. I would love to read more fic. Fic is awesome. My brain won't fucking let me. It only cares abt visuals. So a fandom that is 60% fic (something I can rarely do), 30% gifsets and edits (something I dont care abt), and only 10% fanart (the good shit I come to fandom for) is just. Boring.

Whereas C/A fandom is like pretty equal on the fic to art ratio, if not more art heavy. Which is great. I can get what I need from C/A fandoms.

Just. All in all. Can LAC fandoms plz. Just. Do art the way C/A fandoms do. I remember the days of deviantART when LAC was given the anime treatment. Bring it back. Plz. For my ADHD having ass.

(Another note. I do not expect this to get popular cuz I only have like 30 followers, most of which I think are inactive now. But if it does. Somehow. Plz dont discourse here. There's no discourse to be found. You would literally be pulling shit out of your ass and making something out of nothing. There is no hill to die on. This is a field smoother than a flatline on the heart monitor of a dead person. I am not dissing on LAC fandoms. I'm saying that C/A fandoms provide for me what LAC fandoms never have been able to. Which is not an insult. Every time I go into the tag for a LA series/ship from a LA series it's mostly fic or gifsets/edits. And I just. Can't. Do that. I can't read fic bc my brain hates me and gifsets are boring to me. None of this is meant to be insulting. It's just my personal experience with fandom. Maybe I just don't follow the right ppl. Maybe I'm using the wrong search words/tags. I dunno. Anyway, there is no discourse here.)

(Look at me making a fool out of myself by pleading with no one bc that's who's gonna see or care abt this dumb post lmao)

#fandom #(maybe posting this at 12 am will keep ppl from seeing it)