#but my grandma has stage 4 cancer

[theunholystromboli]

Fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer fuck cancer

#dont worry my cancer hasnt recurred #but my grandma has stage 4 cancer #and shes dying #treatment didnt work at all #she only has days to weeks to live #and i dont know if ill be able to see her one last time before she dies #because im fighting a cold now #of all fucking times #so i cant go and see her until im better #or else i might end up killing her #my heart is fucking breaking over this #she means so much to me #to so many people #the world will be a worse place without her #it hasnt even been a year since my uncle died #and now we are losing her too #she might end up dying on the anniversary of his death #this is one of those times where i just hate everything #i dont know what to do with myself #because there is nothing i can do to make any of this better #fuck #vent post

[trashcandroid]

what a fucking day

#mine #got consult date for top surgery (only 2 days after asking for a referral for it) #got covid booster and flu shot #got told my grandma has stage 4 cancer #technically it might be stage 3 but they said most likely stage 4 #and a bunch of other stuff happened too that was quite mundane #had no classes today and began the day at noon but spent the first hour watching cartoons and eating toast #then stuff happened #tomorrow it’s back to classes…

[sirfrogsworth]

My grandma died from lung cancer when my dad was only 16. They couldn't afford to take her to the doctor, so it was only discovered as what was making her sick when it was already stage 4. Having your mom die when you're a teenager is already hard, but my dad has to ALSO eternally wonder if catching it early would have even made a difference? Survival rates NOW aren't even that good, much less 40 years ago. It's insane that people are okay with making THE cause of lung cancer look "cool" again, when the end result is a painful and/or expensive death that leaves your family broken.

He says she was a lot like me, and that we would have gotten along really well. I'll never know.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I didn't get to know my grandpa either. I was just a baby when he passed. I can definitely relate there. And I was really close to my grandma. We spent almost every Saturday of my childhood together. We'd play board games and cards and then watch Wheel of Fortune. She called me "Ben Bolt" because whenever I entered a big store I used run and hide and make people find me. She was the cutest old lady there ever was. Classic grandma with the blue hair and the church quilting circle with all the other gossipy grandmas.

The sad thing is that she never smoked. She just lived with a very heavy smoker. And before she got to see me turn into a teenager her lungs failed her. I don't remember it well. I just remember her coughing in her hospital bed. And it always upset me that someone else was able to make her sick. It didn't seem fair.

That did inspire my uncle to try and quit. But after decades of smoking he just couldn't figure it out. He knew what was coming but he just didn't have the tools to fight it. I've never heard a cough like that. It just sounded... wet. And he'd get into these huge coughing fits for minutes at a time. And then his anxiety would get so bad he'd have to go outside for a smoke. It's such a vicious addiction.

The people who love smokers have so many of these stories. And I guess that is why we are so desperate to keep more stories from manifesting.

[pupphe-additions]

✬Evie's Idol Profile✬

✬Basics✬

Group: Stray Kids Stage Name: Evie English Name: Evelyn Kim Korean Name: Kim Nari (김나리) Nicknames: Eve, Lyn, Evie, Evs, Nani, Bear, Bug, Nini, Lovey, Vi and Ari Position: Dancer, Rapper, and Vocalist Birthday: July 6th, 1998 Zodiacs: Cancer/Tiger Birth Place: Sydney, Australia Ethnicity: Korean Nationality: Australian Languages:

English (native/fluent) Korean (fluent) Auslan (fluent) Auslan is Australian Sign Language Spanish (fluent) Japanese (learning/conversational)

Family: Grandma (Deceased), Grandfather (Deceased), Mother, Father, Older Brother, Younger Sister, a niece, and a nephew Instagram: skz.eve98

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Physical✬

Height: 152.4cm (5’0) Weight: 44.9kg (99 lbs) Blood Type: A Body Modifications: belly button piercing, triple helix (left ear), lobe and upper lobe (both ears) | two tattoos Face Claim: Soyeon (G)I-DLE Dance Model:  1M Dance Studio Yoojung Lee [x] [x] [x] Rap and Vocal Model: Dreamcatcher Dami [x] [x]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Personality✬

MBTI: INTP Positive Traits: Caring, open minded, loving, logical, empathic, intuitive, protective, and ambitious Negative Traits: Extreme stubbornness, perfectionist, jealous, can be rather moody and impatient Strengths: Open mindedness, curious, creative, talented, and passionate Weaknesses: Impatient, perfectionist, disconnected often, standoffish, low self esteem and self worth, and overthinks everything 3 Words She Would Use to Describe Herself: Hard working, loving, and open minded 3 Words STAY Would Use to Describe Her: Brave, caring, and understanding 3 Words Stray Kids Would Use to Describe Her: Rebellious, kind, and crazy

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Statics✬

Visual: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8.5/10) Vocals: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ (5.5/10) Rap: ★★★★★★★★★☆ (9/10) Dance:  ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10) Choreographing: ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10) Stage Presence: ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10) Acting: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆ (4/10) Producing/Song Writing: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ (6/10) Public Speaking: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ (5.5/10) Other Variety: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8/10) Total: 76.5/100 Special Stat (Flexibility): ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10) Special Stat (Video Gaming): ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Career Information✬

Stage Name: Evie Agency(s): SM Entertainment (former trainee) JYP Entertainment (current) Training Period: 2010-2019  (almost 9 years) Group: Stray Kids Debut Date: 01-24-2019 Position(s): Dancer, Rapper, and Vocalist Individual Fandom: Lily Pads Representative Emoji/Animal: Koala 🐨 Unit: Dance Racha

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Romance, Simplified✬

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

Ideal Type: “Someone understanding and someone I can connect with. Someone who will love and care for me, but also someone who will call me out on my bullshit. I think that would be my ideal type.” Commenter: What about gender? Do you have a preference? Evie: As long as they love me that’s all that matters no? Gender doesn’t stop love! 

Relationship Status: Single

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

✬Trivia✬

Evie has two dogs named Aurora and Luna and a macaw named Comet.

Evie's sister is named Chloe (2001) and a brother named Hudson (1996)

Evie was originally on the show with the other members of Stray Kids but she got eliminated very early on and didn’t get a second chance as JYP didn’t think she was ready enough at the time. Evie mentioned on vLive how that made her feel like she would never be good enough to debut.

She has a serious case of RBF.

She enjoys being alone after a long day.

She is a masters overwatch 2 support player, she is also in diamond as DPS, and plat as tank.

She really enjoys playing games competitively.

She is very close with her older brother and his kids and calls him everyday for at least an hour.

She can come off as cold and intimidating when you first meet but she's actually just a massive softy.

She is allergic to shellfish and also has seasonal allergies.

She likes to assign people in her life with colors.

She has a group of idol friends that she talks to regularly and she doesn’t like making new friends unless she is with the other members of SKZ.

#pupphe #pupphe additions #pupphe evie #evie profile #kpop addition #stray kids addition #skz addition #stray kids added member #skz added member #stray kids 9th member #skz 9th member #stray kids female additional member #skz female additional member #kpop oc #fictional kpop oc #fake kpop idol #fake kpop community #kpop female oc #kpop female addition #kpop additional member #kpop au

[wouldyoustayvn]

Extending Hiatus

Hello, Yoshi here. I’ll have to extend my hiatus. I know I have said before that I’ll get back to work on the game when I’m on winter break however, before my fall semester was over. My grandma, who was diagnosed with cancer and is at stage 4, on November, we’re using hospice, or comfort care, for my grandma. So I’m helping my mom taking care for my grandma. And I’m not going to lie, it has taking a toll on my mental health. It’s a struggle seeing my grandma like this. Especially recently, her mind is deteriorating. And I don’t think I have the mental strength to work on my VN as of right now. I’ll be extending my hiatus. I’m not sure when I’ll be back on working on it.

All I want to say is thank you for your support. I’ll let you guys know once I’m ready to continue the development of Would You Stay? Once again I’m sorry if the development has been pretty long lot of stuff happened and I really wanted to make the demo. So hopefully on somewhere on 2024, I hope I get the demo done.

Take care and please cherish your love ones.

Yoshi out.

#yoshi talks #announcement

[safety-pin-punk]

hi i took a mini break cause uhh shits shitting (my grandmas moving in?????) whats up!!!!!!!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy. Honestly life is wack right now for me too lol. Mountain Boy and I have been dating for a few months now, he managed to survive my very Italian family’s Christmas party and now I’m going over his mom’s on Christmas day. And tonight we are having a game night with his friends!!

New job has been going good, but I’ve decided humans were not make to work 40 hour weeks. Im also planning a trip to San Diego for an academic conference and a trip to Iceland to pet a volcano lol.

Oh and also, my dad has stage 4 cancer now so thats been going on too, but thats less fun

But okay enough about me, how are youuuu????? Tumblr is not the same without youu!!!

#mail tag #personal #friends!!! #christmas

[aitavoting]

AITA for saying my terminally ill stepsister can't have my mom's engagement ring?

(Names have been changed in this post)

My mom died when I was 7. Before she died she gave my uncle, her brother, the engagement ring their grandma bought for her, to save for me, if I (20m) ever wanted to give it to a future fiancée or daughter. My dad remarried when I was 10 and his wife had two daughters. Vivien was 12 and Amanda was 3.

I am not all that close to either Vivien or Amanda but there's no hard feelings there. Vivien was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last month. Her boyfriend proposed to her and she had mentioned wanting my mom's engagement ring because of how pretty it was. Her boyfriend told my dad's wife and my dad's wife told my dad. All three of them told me Vivien wanted the ring and said I would get it back in a few months, when she's gone, but it would be nice to fulfill this wish of hers given the circumstances.

I said she could not have the engagement ring but I would give them a photo to replicate it if they want. They didn't like that I said no to giving her the ring. They told me I am denying my dying sister a family ring. I told them she is not my sister and it's not her family ring. It's my family ring, Vivien has nothing to do with the ring. I asked how she even knew about it and dad said she had seen photos of it over the years and that he showed her the drawings that were made of the ring and the photos that my mom had kept around. That he thought showing the girls that was a nice bonding moment when they were young.

My dad's wife pleaded with me. She even had Vivien write a letter for me to read saying how much she'd love to wear it and get married wearing it. My answer was still no. I am getting shit from the three of them (dad, his wife, Vivien's fiance).

Feel free to make your opinion be heard in the comments/reblogs but keep it respectful. For detailed information please read the guidelines for commenting. Violations will lead to your comment being deleted and you potentially being blocked.

#aita #am i the asshole #reddit #polls #poll

[jeonjcngkook]

hey,

i might be a little inactive for the next day or so as ive found out a few days ago my grandma has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. i just need some time to come to terms with the news, gather my thoughts about what to do going forward.

i hopefully won’t be too long away, i just need breathing space.

lots of love!

#semi 2-3 day hiatus ¿?

[oillampslit]

Prayer requests for week of February 19, 2024

1. Breana:  I am struggling with my faith. I love God but I need help getting to a place where I am trusting him thru thick & thin. Would you pray for me please.

2. Ann:  PIease pray for my Grandpa. He has been        diagnosed with cancer and as concerning as that is, I am even more fearful because he has not accepted Jesus as his Lord & Savior. So I asking for prayer on two fronts. That Grandpa would be fully healed and that he would be saved. Pray for a double miracle!

3. Jimmy:  PRAISE REPORT & PRAYER REQUEST:    Hello brothers & sisters in Christ! I look forward every Monday to receiving the SoupMobile prayer requests. It is truly a blessing to be able to pray for folks who need it. My reason for writing today is a combo praise report & prayer request. This coming March 14th is my 2nd year anniversary of being off kidney Dialysis! This was a miracle the doctors could not explain, but you & I know this happened because of God's divine intervention. I am humbly asking that you pray that I will never need dialysis again! Also please pray for my dear brother & sister in Christ, Jami & Jerry, they're both bravely fighting cancer! Also pray for the SoupMan, pray God blesses his work & gives him the resources & strength to keep his ministry going strong! Amen!

4. Christian: Please pray that I will be accepted into Medical School so I can fulfill my dream to be a blessing and a healer, and all the while, giving all the glory to God.

5. William:  PRAISE REPORT & PRAYER REQUEST: My Grandma passed away two weeks ago, and I know she is in heaven. Please pray for the entire family to feel the Lord's peace. Also, I previously requested prayers for my father who is dealing with Stage 4 cancer. Praise the Lord that the prayers are working, and he is doing much better now. I deeply appreciate all the prayers from the SoupMobile Prayer Warriors.

6. Laci:  I am a fellow Prayer Warrior but today I am    in need of all the amazing prayer warriors to help me out. My older brother has been stuck in a mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive relationship. Please pray that he seeks the Lord's guidance during these troubled times. Please pray for the Lord's touch to be upon him..

7. Alyson:  I am asking for prayer for my nephew,       Robert. He has been having trouble swallowing without pain. He has an upcoming appointment with the doctor, and he really needs your prayers. Thank you all for caring.

8. Pam:  Please pray for me as I deal with deep         depression and a real sense of sadness. Pray the Lord will fill me with his very essence, and I will be free from this overwhelming depression.

#jesus #god #prayer request #prayers #pray

[koric]

Hi everyone. I know I'm not around very often, and I really hate to post something like this, but I really want to spread the word as far as I can.

What is Going On

This is my niece, Lillian. She is a 25 year old Indigenous woman. Earlier this year, it was discovered that she has one of the rarest lymphoma. It's so rare that they had to call an international panel to figure out how to treat her. She is also battling stage 4 cancer in several places. So far she has undergone chemotherapy, and a stem-cell transplant. The great news is that she has funding for her treatment and her own personal stay in Vancouver, where all of these treatments must take place, (away from her home). So What Are the Funds For?

The bad news is that she cannot take care of her family at the moment. She has four children between the ages of 18 months and 8 years old.

These funds are for her father, and my brother Curtis. Curtis has taken on the task of caring for his grandchildren for Lillian while her and her partner cannot. My brother Curtis is one of Lillian's caretakers as she undergoes treatment. This means that he is also living away from his home in Vancouver, which is a city with a very high cost of living.

Curtis is on disability as a burn survivor, from saving a woman from domestic abuse/arson back in the 90s. He works when he is able, but between his grandchildren, his daughter and the oncoming winter, he cannot work.

These funds are for long term child-care, travel, hotels, and food while they are in Vancouver.

Lillian has a long battle ahead of her, and it is our goal to keep her and her children close together so that they may see her when her immune system has built itself back up after the transplant.

Please Share!

If you are able, please donate. If not, please share! Every little bit helps.

Huy tseep q'u (Thank you all)

#Fundraiser #CW Cancer #gofundme #Disability

[aria-ashryver]

Tuesday's here, so.. how are you feeling? Did you get to see that grandma again? 👀

Hiya kitty my love! This post is coming to you ⭐️ LIVE ⭐️from the chemo ward!!!

The grandma is not here today hehe. I suspect she's doing 3 weekly chemo - I'm here every week bc of the "it's probably stage 4 cancer" thing, so my treatment plan is comparatively intense. I'll keep an eye out for her 🤭

Things are going well! Well? Kind of well?

My chemo is working and I'm in good spirits!! However.... i did have to have some extra tests and obs this morning bc I've been having some (lowkey potentially serious) chemo toxicity reactions this past week. Namely, my heart rate is a bit high and occasionally erratic, and I have some tingling nerves/numbness in my right hand (both things to keep an eye on, as chemotherapy can affect the capacity one's heart can effectively pump, and can also cause permanent nerve damage in the hands and feet.)

(Makes writing hard 😡 stupid caesar)

No need to worry though! The doctor has seen me this morning and given me the OK to push ahead with treatment. I have simply decided that I am Too Tough For This Shit, and apparently the doctors agree I can handle things 🎆🎉

ALSO my heart rate may be high rn because MY NURSE FOR THE DAY IS SO PRETTYYYYYYYY oh my gosh. she came up to me when I arrived, showed me her name tag on her 🌈 rainbow lapel 🏳️‍🌈 and was like "Hi Renee, my name is Vidya, you can call me either Vidya or Vid - is there a preferred name you'd like me to use?" and I was like hell yeah I've found my people

(Ooh, behold my other name ✨️ Aria lore unlock)

She told me she loved my hair 🥺💕 she's super gentle and she keeps praising me, and she straight up held my hand when she put my IV line in!!! 😭😭😭

so like... naturally im planning our wedding 💁‍♀️💌💝

My veins have decided to up and quit lmao, I had a blood test yesterday, and had to get a gang of very sweet phlebotomists to juice me like a feral bastard orange bc my veins just refused to fill the vials, no matter where they tried 😅

But you know what's super cool? My tumor is like half the size it was already. GET WRECKED CAESAR YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED 🔥🔥🔥

Soggy tuna sandwiches for lunch today in the day ward. I can hear Cas’s disapproval from here.

As always, sending you hugs! (And hugs for anyone else reading this who wants one, you deserve all the hugs 🤗 )

#aria pincushion tally: 49 #LHJFKDLLSJDLSLS SHE JUST HELD MY HAND AGAIN AND CALLED ME “MY DEAR” #Cancer has no chance of killing me #but Vidya might

[mythorhuman]

Are you still working on chapter two of mountain high.I love the first chapter and read your comments about working on it so I just wanted to know💞

Hi! Thanks for reaching out!

Around the time I published "Mountain High," my grandmother's cancer accelerated from stage 3 to stage 4. There's no happy ending here, unfortunately. Her recent passing has essentially destroyed my world. In my 25 years of life, I've never gone longer than 10 days without talking to her and I lived with her for quite a few years. Part of the reason I connected so well with Bonnie's character was seeing so much of my relationship with my grandmother mirrored with Bonnie and Grams.

When she first got sick, I would sleep over at her house every weekend to help take care of her. It was hard watching the most vivacious person I knew grow weaker and weaker. I had to physically pour water into her mouth to get her to drink. And then she was gone.

I planned to update "Mountain High" far sooner. The chapter is 85-90% done. When Tina Turner passed, my grandmother was in much better health. One of my last truly happy memories of my grandmother was attempting to lead a Tina Turner tribute sing-a-long in her living room with my 12-year-olf cousin. From "Poud Mary" to "The Best" to "River Deep, Mountain High." My grandma did NOT want to hear us butchering those songs but we did it anyway. This led to the fics title change from "Mountain High, Valley Low" to just "Mountain High."

Now, that my grandmother is at peace maybe I'll find the will to write again. I have so much already written but handling my grief comes first as she was just buried yesterday. Please be patient with me.

-Lee

#feel free to ignore me trauma dumping #lee answers #klonnie fanfic #fic: mountain high #personal #bonnie bennett

[valiantvillain]

I knew visiting my ailing grandparents would leave me feeling kinda unsettled but I didn't expect it to just take so much out of me. We got back home last night and I didn't sleep entirely well, and now I feel like I just have a physical, emotional, and mental weight pressing down on me. Grandma still has her anemia of yet-to-be-discovered origins and isn't using her oxygen like she should and her piece of shit husband (whose negligence of her health is the reason she needs oxygen 24/7 now bc a case of pneumonia she had in November got so bad) still isn't prioritizing her frail health. Meanwhile, the grandpa my mother decided not to speak to for forty years for reasons I still do not entirely comprehend has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and I just met him for the first time yesterday. And he will be undergoing chemo soon not to cure it but to just buy himself 12-15 more months. And after seeing them both I just feel this listless heaviness. Like, is this what anticipatory grief feels like? I dunno but it sucks.

I apologize for getting serious on a blog that has been mostly about fun and fandom especially since recently I know a lot of people have followed me for Baldur's Gate 3 stuff. Fandom has actually been my little escape away from reality lately so I've kinda thrown myself into it on the daily as it lets me forget about the stuff going on with my family. It's been this little outlet where I can be silly and just sorta absorb all the excitement like a sponge to feel better. But uh...I just kinda had to get this off my chest because outside of my family I haven't really talked about this stuff to anyone yet.

#venting #personal #fuck cancer

[maerinhearts]

I need a safe space to talk about something in my life.

TW: Death

In February 2015, my paternal grandmother passed away. A lot of my family assumed my grandfather would follow soon after, but he didn't. I was at college in Pennsylvania when it happened, and my older sister, along with my grandfather, got in the car the very next morning to come pick me up for the funeral. I was very close with my grandmother so that was really hard on me.

In May of 2015, on my 20th birthday, I went to visit my grandfather as I had just gotten home from college and wanted to spend time with him. My grandma always kept track of the birthdays for grandpa, so I didn't expect to get a "Happy Birthday" or anything like that. However, he told me on that day that if shooting himself in the head wasn't a one-way ticket to Hell, he would do it. But he can't, because my grandma is in Heaven and he wants to be with her.

I'm sure you can guess how much that hurt.

I distanced myself pretty far after that without really realizing it. Plus, I have an older brother that I have not spoken to since late 2015 for certain reasons and they always took his side, even though he was in the wrong. That's a story for another day though. I always felt ostracized and like I didn't matter much to that side of my family so I distanced myself even more.

In February of 2019, my paternal aunt revealed that she had Metastatic Breast Cancer, stage 4. It had spread to her lymph nodes, her joints and her lungs. We weren't sure how long she had, but I vowed to spend as much time as I could with her. Then COVID happened. She loved camping. So the summer of 2020, when things started opening back up, I started going camping again so that I could see her. And in October of 2020, she passed away when the cancer spread to her brain. Her death was hard for me, I was very close to her as a child.

In May of 2021, my older sister and i received a phone call that my father was dying. He had Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and had been in a nursing home for 10 years. The nursing home stopped caring for him and he was starving by the time he got to the hospital. He could barely talk anymore, and he was a choke risk. The doctor gave us two choices that my sister and I had to make as his next of kin: permanent feeding tube surgery that he had a 5% chance of surviving or moving him into hospice and letting him die peacefully. We chose hospice. I won't go into full detail about the whole thing as his death was very traumatic for me, but he passed in June of 2021.

My grandfather has disowned me god knows how many times for not talking to him while grieving. And I can't imagine how it must have felt to lose your wife and all your children. But we were grieving too. He said some hateful things to me over the years. But even then, when he got rushed to the hospital on the evening of January 14th, I was worried. And I rushed to the hospital on the 15th to see him. His kidneys were failing and he was actively starving due to a mass partially obstructing his esophagus. He had stopped eating completely because he started choking. But he didn't tell any of us. He was rushed to the ER because my baby cousin found him collapsed on the floor. He got out of the hospital later that week and into a nursing home for physical therapy. But he just kept getting worse and worse....

We rushed him to the ER last Tuesday morning, January 31st. We needed him to have emergency feeding tube surgery. Only to find out that he didn't have long left. It was rough... we didn't get moved to a room in the hospital until 4 AM on the 1st. My sister and I didnt get any sleep that night. And we moved him into Hospice at 3 PM later that day... where we spent the next 4 days with him.

He passed at 1:58 AM this morning, February 5th, and I feel fucking lost. So lost. My dad's entire family is gone, and I'm only 27. His last day of consciousness was spent yelling at me about anything because he wasn't sane anymore. I got yelled at about flowers on the floor (there were no flowers) and I got yelled at for not holding his hand.

I'm so exhausted. I'm tired. I'm tired of the people around me dying. I don't want to go plan his funeral tomorrow. I can't say goodbye to the last living link I had to my father. And it didn't help that the situations were similar and they looked the exact same laying unconscious in that bed...

And no one understands how I feel. My sister and two cousins might, but honestly, none of them have the same views on death as I do and none of them understand any of how I have felt for the last 8 years alone. This fucking sucks. I had to driving home at 3:00 this morning after getting all my stuff packed up. I cried the whole way home. I watched him take his last breath and yet it doesn't feel like any of it has happened at all.

I know that people have probably been through something similar, but I just can't help but wonder why me? I'm just fucking tired...

[andreafmn]

Get to Know Me

Well, somehow I’m nearing 1K followers and I have no idea how!! Thank you to everyone who has followed me and enjoys my writing. When I published my first story I never thought I could get here.

I thought it was long overdue to do a little get-to-know-me tag so you guys can learn about who I am. Also, I am always in the search for new friends since I suck at making them. So, if you want to be mutuals, let me know!

1. Name

Andrea

2. Age

22

3. Big 3 Zodiac

Capricorn Sun, Leo Rising, Cancer Moon

4. What do most people not know about you?

I am audhd (autistic and ADHD), mixed with some generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and severe depression. Oh, and I have IBD 😅

5. What do most people know you for?

Anything artsy and manual. From doing hair to makeup and nails, to painting and drawing, to singing or playing the clarinet, to party decor and cooking, to building stuff and carpentry.

6. Hobbies

Anything I can do with my hands.

7. What are your passions/special interests?

Makeup, reading, writing, music, human behavior

8. What do you search for in a significant other?

Stability, loyalty, faithfulness, understanding, provider, a best friend.

9. What are you most proud of?

Still being alive.

10. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

Monday

11. What do you find attractive that others might find unusual?

Good eyebrows.

12. List 10 things off of your bucket list.

Finish and publish a book

Skydive

See all of 1D in concert (even if as solo artists; 1 down 3 to go (we no longer claim Liam))

Go to Germany

Travel through Europe

Get married

Host an amazing Christmas party

Act in something

Get on the New York's Bestseller list

Buy a house

13. What was the last thing you learned?

You shouldn't carry the responsibility of a one-sided relationship, even if the other person makes the falling out your fault.

14. How many relationships have you been in?

0, but a fair share of situationships and talking stages 😅

15. Favorite food

Pasta

16. Favorite drink

I always have three drinks on hand. So the top 3 are coffee, Coke, and either orange juice or water.

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

I've not received very memorable birthday gifts but I do love a huge Funko Oogie Boogie my sister got me.

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

Many would say pessimistic, but I’ve always been a realist.

19. Do you sleep during class?

Tried not to.

20. What is the most expensive thing you own?

My laptop, I think.

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

Tweezers.

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?

Too many to count.

23. Text or call?

Text. I don’t even answer calls from my friends sometimes 😂

24. Opinion on long-distance?

It’s not for everyone. It requires a lot of work, communication, and trust, and certain people have love languages where long distance just doesn’t work.

25. In your group of friends, what role do you play?

Normally they call me the mom friend, but I like to think I'm more of like the grandma friend 😂

26. Favorite song?

At the moment, a tie between Matilda by Harry Styles and You Might Not Like Her by Maddie Zahm. But it changes with my mood and hyper fixations.

27. Favorite artist?

Too many to count. A few include: One Direction (together and as solo artists), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Bad Bunny, Maneskin, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray, Maddie Zahm, Billie Eilish, and so many more.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes?

I could be here for hours and I’d never run out of names.

29. When was the last time you read for fun?

Last night.

30. Favorite flower?

Peonies.

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?

Money 😭

32. Any guilty pleasures?

Reality tv

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?

The chemical imbalance in my brain.

34. What do you search for in a friend?

Understanding, sense of humor, open mindedness, extroverted enough to get me out of my comfort zone but can understand my limits as an introvert. Just an all-around good person.

35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?

A few times.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?

The movies.

37. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Karmic balance.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?

In terms of physical pain, obviously the eye. But emotionally, being left out hurts everywhere and for longer.

39. How many green shirts do you own?

Not many. Been trying to buy more clothes with color but somehow still gravitate toward black.

40. Do you like anime?

Kinda. I would like it a lot more if my sister hadn’t ruined anime for me 😂

41. What do you invest the most time in?

Writing, watching things I enjoy, (wallowing in self pity and drowning in existential dread), cooking.

42. What was the name of the last book you read?

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen

43. What's one place you've traveled to that you never want to go back to?

New York City

44. Where are you most productive?

In a comfortable space with people that don’t drain my energy.

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.

Go to the beach, play board/card games, just talk.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.

Watch stuff, anything artistic, cook.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?

Nope. Peace can’t exist without a little chaos.

48. Do you have any allergies?

I get some seasonal allergies and I am allergic to mites. An allergy test said I’m a little allergic to cats and dogs but I choose to ignore that.

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?

Probably a few minutes ago, I cuss a lot.

50. What's the story behind one of your scars?

My biggest scar is on my forehead. Basically, it was the day of my parent's wedding anniversary, and my sister and I were being watched by my grandmother. We were on the couch watching Clifford the Big Red Dog when my 3-year-old self decided to go to our shared room and grab a purple comb a teacher had gifted my sister. I brought it out to the living room very excitedly and my sister got pissed, she was around six years old at the time. We lived in an apartment that was kind of open concept with a structure in the middle where the bathroom was that basically made the whole thing a circle. She got up from the couch and started chasing me through the circle. We went three rounds, and on the third one, I looked back for a second, and when I looked forward again I fell and hit my head on the edge of the wall on top of the baseboard. Basically, a lot of blood and panic, especially from my grandma. Apparently, at some point, I told her "Grandma, why are you crying if the blood is mine?" and "Why are you crying if I'm the one that got hit?" In the end, I got four stitches and it was the first time during the whole event that I felt pain because the topical anesthesia ran out with the blood that was pouring. Now I joke that my parents should have seen me breaking my head on their anniversary as a sign that their marriage was gonna end.

51. What was your last dream about?

An x-rated dream that featured one of my best friend’s sister 😬

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?

My friend group and then pay extra for my sister.

53. How many countries have you visited?

Just the US, unfortunately.

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)

I think I’d have to choose music, though I love everything artsy.

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?

Yesterday.

56. What's your favorite book?

I've always said is the Hush Hush Saga, but recently I read Instructions for Dancing and I think that one is my favorite now.

57. Do you consider yourself mature?

At times.

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?

I’d cry if I actually knew 😂

59. What is your favorite quote?

"Life is short, but also like terribly and insufferably long."

-Jenna Marbles

60. What issue will you always speak your mind about?

Basic human rights.

61. What languages do you speak?

Spanish and English.

62. Do you believe in the death penalty?

No.

63. What are your goals for life?

Never really had any. But I guess I’d like to possibly one day become an author.

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

Not being with me, that’s for sure.

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.



66. What's one of your favorite comfort foods?

Fettuccine Alfredo

67. Do you have a job?

I had to leave my job due to mental health issues and haven’t had one since then. But gonna have to start looking even for a part time one to alleviate some money issues, but every job I’ve had has given me ptsd and with my disorders it’s very hard to find something that’s not triggering.

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

We met because her brother pointed out an anime girl’s big boobs on a series my sister was watching 😂

69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?

No more work!

70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

Used to pull a lot for school, but I now only pull some when I’m hanging with friends.

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?

I think it’s safe to say yes.

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

Wouldn’t know until I was actually presented with the situation.

73. Does money equal happiness?

It does help.

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

Not that many, honestly.

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

My whole life.

76. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

I get asked a lot for relationship advice, even though I've never been in one.

77. When was the last time you looked at the news?

Last Friday.

78. What old-school skill set do you have?

Sewing(?)

79. What is your favorite color?

Red.

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?

Absolutely.

81. What is your opinion on tattoos?

Love them! I personally need more.

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?

Normally around 10-11 pm, sometimes I push it to 1-2 am, but most of the time I wake up every few hours so I don’t really get a full uninterrupted sleep.

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?

NOOOO!!!!!

84. What is your favorite clothing store?

I don't really shop in stores because it is too overstimulating, but Hot Topic.

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?

Beanies.

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

Wings, the ocean scares me.

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?

Yes.

88. What's something that really happened to you but nobody would believe unless they were there?

My best friends and I were chased around a hotel by some creepy guys during one of their quinceañeras because another one said hi to one of the guys getting out of the elevator.

89. How many digits of pi can you recite?

3.1416, need the brain space for other useless info

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?

2018

91. Describe yourself in one word.

Intuitive

92. When you want to escape from everyone, where do you go?

Inside my own head.

93. What question do you have that nobody has been able to give you a good answer to?

How does forgiving someone actually help you?

94. Where was your secret hiding place as a child?

Funny enough, in the closet.

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?

Forget my past.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before?

Nope.

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?

Love.

98. Coffee or tea?

Both.

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

Rest when I feel tired.

100. How many hours have you spent on Tumblr today?

Around two hours for now.

#get to know me tag #questions #get to know me questions #introduction #follow #followers #writing #fanfiction #andreafmn #up close and personal #like #comment

[thechaosmuses]

Hey loves, I’ll be on in a bit after I eat- I’m having some bad anxiety right now because I just found out my Dad has stage 2 COPD and while it’s common and not super life threatening it’s still not great.. Plus when he was telling me he was talking pretty slowly and upon hearing “stage 2” I started to freak out thinking he was gonna say he had cancer. Not a lot of you probably know because I haven’t ever really talked about it but back in 2016 my Great-Aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine and ovarian cancer and she passed away in 2017, not even a full year after we’d found out. And in 2015 I lost both my Great-Grandma and my Grandma (her unexpectedly due to a condition she had called deep vein thrombosis) so any health thing even if it’s minor completely freaks me out and makes my anxiety worse.. Anyways though, like I said I’ll be on after I eat and will gladly welcome any and all distractions so my mind doesn’t race any more than it already is.. And I hope everyone is having a great day/night ❤️

#[ooc; out of chaos] #[tw; anxiety] #[tw; cancer] #[tw; copd] #[tw; mention of people passing]