#but she makes shit weird and complicated ofc

[clangenrising]

i think the hate comes from the fact she still does try to justify/excuse Razor, despite hearing from many cats how horrible he was to them. like we know he is an abuser and a rapist. she thinks it's bizarre/odd/whatever that his rape victim (Scorch) calls the idea of him being sweet and caring 'nightmarish'. brother or not, he is emotional, physical and sexual abuser, and she still seems to find it weird that cats dont… tolerate him in the slightest. that does rubs as rape/abuse apologism bc 'he was nice to ME and he is MY FAMILY, he would NEVER do something like that..' soo many irl families have sadly ('no way my son could had possibly violated someone. this bitch is clearly lying and trying to ruin our family' type of shit you know)

like yeah having to live for months with people (cats) who killed your family member celebrated it is harsh, i do give her that ofc. on top of her kitten crash and being more or less forced to tend them or else, and she is in no good shape to properly accept and internalize the Shadow Truth. but many people irl dealt with people like her, trying to bend over and backwards to justify their family members and friends, even after coming in contact with those who were deeply hurt by them.

That is a good point, I see where you're coming from. Clearly you've been very hurt by this kind of thing in the past and I hope nothing I've done made you feel more hurt.

I was just surprised because Mystique isn't like, for example, a parent who makes excuses for a son who has been accused of sexual assault and insists that he's totally innocent despite evidence to the contrary. She's a victim too, even if she was never physically or sexually assaulted by Razor. All of her denials aren't meant to hurt the victims or protect Razor, they're to protect herself from the terrifying reality of her situation. Does that make what she did right? No, and I don't think I've ever said that, but I do think it makes it less deplorable.

As well, its not like Scorch has told her "he assaulted me." Scorch is VERY private and so that stuff isn't public knowledge. I feel like there might be some projection on to her because of information the audience has that she doesn't. As far as killing Smokyrose, that was framed to the city cats as a casualty of war, not the murder of a peace negotiator, and to her is similar to if say, Razor were a cop who shot somebody. We obviously would find that terrible but from her conservative point of view that's just his job, to protect the city from dangerous cats with lethal force if necessary. When she got to the Clans that became more complicated for her and she's hasn't ever once claimed Razor was in the right to kill her.

What she did ask for was that the fight be solved peacefully. As far as she knows, the Clans are blowing Razor's actions out of proportion and jumping to killing him when there could have been a different solution. Like, imagine if you went to a village and everyone there was like "your brother is an evil murderer" and then failed to present you with any substantial evidence. Who would you want to believe, the strangers ready to kill him or your brother who has only ever been good to you and everyone you know (or at least, you've rationalized his behavior to believe that's the truth, lied to your self enough that you believe it)?

This isn't to trivialize what you went through or excuse real life cases of people who deny heinous acts. This is simply to say, I feel like anyone who hates Mystique isn't engaging with the entirety of the story I'm telling. I understand, though, that this could be because of a defensive reaction and I don't mean to put any blame on someone who might be feeling that way. This is a complicated topic and its possible for neither party to be the bad guy in this situation.

#not art #asks and answers #anon asks #Mystique #TW SA Mention

[toadwarts]

Leon has so many partners/datemates and it's so cool he manages that with only two hands and one heart. Love you babygirl

#so obviously im hia boyfriend/boywife/husband #but then there is also #most def ada #but she makes shit weird and complicated ofc #mr x. the obvious one. #jill #jill is also dating nemesis and leon and him got some beef for some reason #he aint like. with chris. but they go on dates and bang. #jill is also with carlos and leon flirts with him #claire is a lesbian. but they are super close and she is mean 2 him about fucking all his girlfriends #he is deeply and angrily in love with luis #dont let leon meet any of the four lords or the duke #if the duke takes care of him his heart is done for. #he also probably fucked wesker at some point and felt bad about it #I'm a little high and in pain rn and this is important To Me #also he is trans and so is ada #they are big t4t #and claire is agender but uses she/they #mr x is semiverbal and mostly nonverbal but he likes he/>/ #**he/it #leon s kennedy

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 4)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt. Setting: Highway outside of Atlanta. 

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, degrading behavior, season 2 Daryl, smut, oral (m receiving)(kind of) weird. Just weirdo perv (out of desperation) Daryl. 

Word Count: 3200

A/N; Daryl’s POV 😩🤷‍♀️ 17+ mdni

masterlist

Been keepin’ Merle’s stuff pretty well hidden. Guess I should probably just get rid of it, right? But I can’t. S’not mine to get rid of. So I just hide it. Separate bag from the rest of his meds, all the way at the bottom of a backpack, stuffed under the seat of my truck. 

Beatle says she’s been sober off spazz shit for three years. Pretty sure three years ago s’when I met her though, so I’unno how she figures that. 

But now we’re ditchin’ the truck and I gotta find a way to carry it without Beatle finding it. Don’t even have time to be upset about my truck. Had it for at least the last ten years. Loved this thing like it was the only thing I had. Basically was for a while. 

Takin’ Merles bike. It’s got some dumbass Nazi shit on it, but ‘m not complainin’. That shit don’t matter anymore. Neither does bein’ upset over a truck that’s not gonna do me any good without gas. 

Pack myself two bags. One goes with Beatle in Dale’s RV, the other is the pack I’d had stuffed under the seat. Spazz gets hidden underneath a few shirts, smokes, the couple sips left of girlwhiskey, and the rest of Merle’s scripts. Stuff I don’t trust Beatle with.  

I think she knows, too. She doesn’t say it but she gives me a look when I tell her ‘m holdin’ onto it. I offer her a whole cigarette. All for herself. And it shuts her up enough not to push it. 

Don’t know if I like when she’s happy or not. Kinda makes me feel sick so I try not to think about it. Dunno. Whatever. Don’t got time to think about that shit anyway. S’always somethin’. 

Don’t really even got the time to think about what a shit show the CDC was. Just gotta keep movin’. Guess the plan is Fort Bennet? Don’t know. Don’t care. ‘m just goin’. 

It’s nice to be back on a bike again. Can’t feel nothin’ but the vibrating underneath me and the air in my face. Can’t hear nothin’ but the engine. By myself. Like all this shit hasn’t happened…

No use in thinkin’ ‘bout it that way, though. Has happened. And I ain’t gonna be one of those sorry sacks that wants to pretend shit ain’t the way it is. That’s one thing I like Beatle for. She don’t pretend shits gonna go back. Don’t miss nothin’, ain’t lookin’ for no one. Far as I see it, she’s happy mostly. Guess it’s easy when someone’s takin’ care of everything for ya. Me. Giving her my smokes and buildin’ fires for my damn self, thinkin’ everything tha’s mine is hers. It ain’t. 

Other people makin’ plans. Other people findin’ shelter. Other peoples food. 

Too many people in this group ain’t pullin’ their own weight. It’s gonna catch up sooner or later. Beatle’s a weak player. Can’t decide if I should help her out or not. Can’t decide if I should protect her or not. Cuz she don’t want it, she don’t think she needs it. But she’s gonna need it. Sooner or later. 

Cuz I know I hate her and all that. Dumb fuckin’ bitch for sure. But after what happened at the CDC? Thought we were gonna die. Thought she was gonna die. Fuck. I’unno. Guess I felt somethin’. 

I’m in between knowin’ it and hatin’ it. It can be both right? Cuz it’s definitely both. One more thing I gotta care about. Real fuckin’ stupid. 

We’re only on the road a few hours before shit blows. Literally. Dales radiator. Good ‘n done. Then more bullshit happens but ain’t that the way shit is now?

A whole herd of ‘em come through and everyone’s fine. Andrea’s havin’ a panic attack ‘bout the geek that almost ate ‘er, Carol’s kid run off into the woods, and T-Dog’s all but bled out. But to me? Basically fine. No one’s dead or nothin’. 

Don’t know where Beatle was when the herd came. But she’s fine too, and any worryin’ I’d been doin was a waste of fuckin’ time. Not gonna waste any more of it bein’ mad I was worried in the first place. That I couldn’t think ‘bout anything else. Just images of her stupid happy face gettin’ ripped apart. Guess I care now. At least ‘bout her not bein’ dead. ‘Bout her bein’ here.

She’s standin’ outside the RV with me, sharing a cigarette cuz I don’t know how else to tell her I’m glad she’s alive. Can’t stop lookin’ at her. She’s either ignoring my staring or pretendin’ I ain’t doin’ it, and ‘m grateful. Don’t wanna talk ‘bout that shit. Just wanna look at her, and fix all those images in my head. Her face still happy and perfect and smilin’ at me like it wasn’t bein’ eaten by monsters a few minutes ago. 

I feel sick. Somethin’… different. 

“Can I just hug you, please?” She asks like she’s been waitin’ to say it. 

“Why?” I squint at her, dragging the smoke. Kinda want to - kinda mad she asked instead of just doin’ it, “Since when do you ask permi-“ I’m cut off by her body wrapped around mine. All four limbs holdin’ on like I’m keepin’ her anchored to the world. 

I hug her back, arms pulled tight around her. Why am I doing this? What the fuck is this? Goin’ fuckin’ soft for some dumb little girl. I can hear Merle laughin’ at me from inside my head, and I drop Beatle back down to the pavement. 

“I’m glad you’re alive.” She says, and I look down at her. Now she’s all covered in the gross shit I’m covered in. She doesn’t seem to care. Doesn’t even seem to notice. 

“Yeah?” I say at her, cuz I don’t know what else to say. Can’t tell her Im glad she’s alive. Can’t give her that. I hugged her back, that’s enough. She should know. 

She nods, smiling that stupid fuckin’ smile that I’m startin’ to like. ‘Fore her face starts wrinklin’ up somethin’ nasty. There it is. She looks at me, then down at herself. “What the fuck, Daryl?” 

Me?! “‘Pleeeease can I hug you, Daryl?’” I mock her. 

“I was worried!! And then you’re alive and okay and I  didn’t have time to look at you covered in guts and shit!” She squeals. I swear she knows it irritates me. I can see her goin’ to punch me in the arm so I let her, then pull her into another hug. 

Grabbin’ at her head to bring it close to my chest, covered in week old decaying monster meat, “C’mon, Beatle. Gimme a hug!” She’s tryin’ to fight it but ‘m stronger. 

She bends her knees and slips down and out of my arms. The blood on my hands making her too slippery to hold onto. She starts runnin’. I run after her til we get to the side of the road and she tries to hide underneath the trunk of a car crashed into the rail. 

Maybe this ain’t the time for fuckin’ around, but it don’t matter. Not when I finally got her cornered. The look of fear in her eyes does somethin’ to me. Not real fear.  Naw, cuz she’s smilin’. Cuz she’s laughin’. Just excited that we’re both still breathing. Still, smile on her face and laugh in her throat, she’s cowering beneath a cars trunk, beggin’ me to stop. The beggin’s doin’ somethin’ to me too. Fuck. 

I pick her up, slingin’ her over my shoulder, she yelps. Don’t she know how this shit works yet? “Fuckin’ quiet, Beatle. Dumb bitch.” I slap her ass once and she fuckin’ yelps again. “Wha’ did I just say?” And I slap her ass again. This time she’s quiet. 

Shit, that worked? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My dicks hard. 

I’unno if it’s cuz I never carried a girl over my shoulder like this, cuz I spanked her couple times, or cuz she listened. My dick gets even harder and I realize it’s definitely fuckin’ all of it. But mostly that she listened when I told her what to do. Maybe I should tell her what to do more often. Fuck. ‘m not helpin’ myself, or my problem, at all. 

I dip my head down to smell the sick I’m covered in to make it go away. It works. Even with her ass next to my face. So close I could bite it. For fucks sake. I put her down but she doesn’t run away this time. We walk slowly back to the group. Not sayin’ nothin’. Me, cuz I’m trying to focus on the smell of rotten flesh and definitely not Beatle beggin’ me to stop. Definitely not about what her face looked like when she felt my hand on her ass.  

Wonder if she’s quiet cuz she’s thinkin’ about it too.

 Wondering what she’s thinkin’ about and tryin’ to will away a stiffy. Fuck this fuckin’ high school bullshit. Like she reads my mind, I feel her needy little fingers snake into my hand. For a second I think maybe I’m smokin’ a cigarette I don’t remember havin’ but ‘m not. She’s just tryin’ to hold my hand. 

At first it feels nice, and then I feel sick again. Too many questions unanswered. Too much shit that’s already happened. Can’t trust her. So I shake her hand off, “Stop.” 

“Fine. Fuck you.” She stomps away and back into the RV. I’unno what the fuck’s wrong with me that it makes me smile. Do I like when she’s happy? Shit, I dunno. If I did, wouldn’t I not like it when she’s upset? So why does her being mad at me do it for me too? 

✨🏹

Whatever. 

She comes with me to go look for Sophia. Andrea stood up like she was gonna come too, but once Beatle and I are standin’ next to the RV Andrea doesn’t follow us out.

 We don’t stray too far from the road. It’s dark, and mostly just came out here to help ease Carol’s mind. ‘m definitely goin’ soft. But I’unno. Hurts to watch people lose stuff. Their families. Hurts to watch people hurt. 

Gonna hurt Beatle in a fuckin’ second if she doesn’t shut the fuck up. We’re walkin’ through the woods. At night. She’s gotta know this shit by now. “Beatle, keep your fuckin’ voice down. Please.” Did I just say please? Fuck me. 

“Did you just say ‘please’?” Fuck. Me. 

“Shut up.” 

“Don’t think I know how.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” She laughs, and it makes me smile. And that makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again. 

Her voice cuts through while I’m makin’ myself even sicker thinkin’ about it, “You wanna play another game?”

My eyebrows raise in her direction, “Yeah, that went real well for ya last time.” 

“Nevermind.” Her face falters and she crosses her arms across her chest. 

“What, you don’t wanna get half naked and cry again?” And for fuckin’ once I wish Beatle had somethin’ to say back. Some smartass shit that isn’t even funny but she definitely means it to be. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. She just lets my question hang in the fuckin’ air and suffocate me. Cuz now I’m thinkin’ about her half naked and crying and my fuckin dicks hard again. What is this shit? Rock hard cock every time I pick on her now? ‘m not gonna be able to do this. She’s gonna notice. Where the fuck is a guy supposed to jerk off and relieve some of this shit? 

On her fuckin’ face.

Shit.

She’s been quiet for too long and my brain won’t stop. It’s just getting worse. Images of her now, her face covered in my cum, her lips humming together making little bubbles with it, smiling. Shit. 

Beatle, say something. Anything.

“How big’s your dick?” Not. Fucking. That. 

She listens… right? She wants it, right? Why else would she ask that? Now, when it’s just the two of us out in the woods in the dark. She wants me to show her. 

So show her.

“Beatle.” My voice is low, barely there. Just a rasp of a word. 

She turns around, ready to explain herself before she even looks at me, “I-“ 

“C’mere.” If I don’t cut her off she’s gonna say she was just jokin’ but we both know she ain’t jokin’. She wants ta know. So she’s gonna know. 

Feel like I can see her blushin’ in the moonlight as she walks toward me, even though I can’t. Just know she is. Smile on her face like I ain’t about to wipe it off with my cock. Shit, hard as a fuckin’ rock right now. I rub my palm over the length of it, and I watch her eyes follow my arm down. Watch ‘em get bigger, wide and nervous, and it makes my dick twitch against my jeans. I pull out a smoke and light one, for a second I see a disappointment in her face, thinkin’ maybe I’d just called her over to share a smoke. Naw. “Down on your knees.” 

And Jesus Christ, does she kneel so fuckin’ fast. She stares straight ahead, and somethin’ comes over me. Can’t wait. Don’t want to. Don’t need to. Beatle does what I ask, at least when it comes to this. Like a good little slut would. That is what she’s good at, ain’t it? 

So maybe it’s a little fucked up that I grab her head and force her against the rough fabric of my jeans. Pushing my cock into her cheek as hard as I fuckin’ can. Holding her by the hair and rubbing her face on me. 

But this little bitch moans. At first I wasn’t sure, but she keeps fuckin’ moaning. She likes this. Somethin’ close to a laugh escapes my throat, past the cigarette between my lips. I take it with my fingers, letting one hand go from her head, the other hand pulls her back to look up at me. Her expression absolutely blown. She just looks at me for a second, before putting her face back on my cock on her own. It’s not the same amount of pressure but it still feels fuckin’ good. And somethin’ about her doin’ it on her own. Like she can’t fuckin’ help it. Like she needs it. 

She’s starts to lick at the fabric right where my head is and my dick spasms again at the sight of it. This time she can feel it underneath her mouth. She smiles up at me, smirkin’ down at her. Putting the cigarette in my mouth, I drag it, before bringing it down to her lips. A little reward for listening. 

She drags it once and I drop it on the ground. Beatle says “Thank you.” In the smallest voice I ever heard come out of her mouth. Fuck. I could fall in love with this Beatle. It’s just your dick talkin’ Dar, don’t get crazy. 

I grunt a laugh and start to unbuckle my belt. Unbutton my pants. Barely have my cock in my hand ‘fore her mouths around it. I pull her back by her hair, sharply. She winces in pain and reaches up to her head where I’m holdin’ on. Her eyes shoot up to look at me. 

God, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have that image burned in my brain for the rest of my life. Her face, all discomfort and contempt because I won’t let her touch me. Like she’s fuckin’ dying for it. “Nah, keep your mouth shut Beatle. Gotta learn ta do what yer told.” 

She nods, and closes her lips. Looking from my eyes back down my body again. I lean back, takin’ myself in my hand and pressing my cock into her face. 

For a while I just rub myself all over, letting her feel the weight of it. Letting her know just how big it really fuckin’ is. Lifting it off her face and smackin’ her cheeks. Makin’ her flinch, her eyes squish closed but I press my hard cock against her eye and push up forcing her eyelid open. Fuck. I do the same thing with her lips. Smushing and rubbing the head of it into her lips to open them, I fuck against her mouth for a second. Beatles groaning and moaning but she doesn’t open her mouth. Somethin’ about it makes me need to cum. Now. No more fuckin’ around. “Open up.” 

She does. I spit into her open mouth, and she moans again, without swallowing it. Like a good slut. “Fuck, Beatle. Shit. Now stick your tongue out.” 

She does. I can see my spit falling off her tongue and I quickly catch it with my cock, before smearing as much of the slick spit from her mouth onto me. Taking myself from the base, holding hard to cut off the circulation. Always feels better when I do that. Rubbin her tongue with my cock til I can’t fuckin take it anymore. I’m about to fuckin’  cum. I pull away for only a second, my breathings all fucked and I can barely speak, “Close yer mouth.” She looks confused for a second but closes her mouth. Good. Was about to smack her. 

My left hand finds a place on the back of her head again, gripping into her hair to hold her in place. I push my hips forward and put the whole length across her face. My other hand pressing myself down into her from above her. And I fuck myself on her face. Grunting and sloppy and desperate to cum. Never done this before, shit, does anyone do this? But fuck, it’s so fuckin’ hot. Her lips and her cheeks and her eyelids and her nose all squished and being fuckin’ ruined by my cock. Shit.  Fuck. 

Right as I’m about to cum I put both hands around her head and hump her face like… I don’t even know. I feel fuckin’ insane, but she’s still moaning at the feeling of being used. Not even in a way that should be enjoyable to her. 

I don’t think I’ve ever cum that much in my whole fuckin’ life. Most of it ends up in Beatle’s hair, but there’s still a whole lot of it on her face. I mess with it for a second. Swirling my puffy post-nut dick in it before I get oversensitive. 

I put myself away, and sit down on the ground next to Beatle. Still in the exact same position. I let her kneel there, don’t tell her she can move or nothin’. Guess that’s why she doesn’t. Don’t think she can open her eyes either. S’funny. 

Relighting the short I’d dropped to the ground, I pull a bandana from my pocket. “Is it big, Beatle?” I ask her while I wipe only her mouth off, and put the cigarette between her lips. 

She sucks on the filter, and smiles. “Yep.”

Eventually I wipe off her eyes too. Can’t do anything about her hair though, so I promise to find her a hat from one of the cars on the walk back. 

And I don’t let myself think about what this might mean. Who cares? I don’t. Don’t think Beatle does neither. We’re just goin’. 

pt 5

A/N: Yeah okay,  I know. Daryl’s all back and forth. Does he not give a shit about Merle and Beatle? Does he know deep down they never did anything together? Or maybe he just wasn’t thinking about it at the time? He’s confused, guys. He also really doesn’t have all the information (Eventually he’s gonna ask but first we have to deal with Sophia. Sorry. I don’t want to either.)

#daryl dixon smut #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon imagine

[ellasgarden1]

i guess its time to reveal my genshin oc. i have been kinda hyperfixated on him for the past year but only starting to talk about him now since genshin is the main fandom im focused on at the moment.

this is Remi, he is the organist of the Favonius Cathedral, cryo catalyst user, vampire and is just a nice guy with existential crisis (/hj)

his story is kinda complicated and may be illogical in terms of lore?? but i like it that way

in short, Remi used to be a normal organist in another world. due to some events he got killed and basically got isekaied(?) by his local gods to Teyvat as a vampire with amnesia. he went through a lot of struggles regarding his past and current purpose in life and eventually embraced his fate thanks to music and the Mondstadt people (and ofc Barbatos). this is a really brief summary so it may sound weird haidhdkhddh if anyone is interested i can tell more (will anyone even see this post?)

also im not really an isekai enjoyer myself but i went with this trope because i think that Aloy's vision is super pretty... and she is.. not from Teyvat at all.. so i decided to make him from another world too. yeah. the things we do for aesthetics.

(oh look the vampire trio from the church)

some information about him: 1. he loves romance novels; overally has romantic view of world, easily gets affected by negative emotions. church really helped him to compose himself. 2. beside playing organ he is also a good singer and pianist. sometimes performs at taverns during free days. 3. Remi chose his name himself while trying to find a new one at the library but not from a book. he heard someone singing outside the window and unconsciously started naming notes he heard. do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti. Re-mi. lol. he was very confused how he remembered all this musical knowledge but went with it anyways, it just felt right. 4. he still doesn't remember shit from his past life (except music) but it doesn't matter for him anymore. 5. on his first (and worst) day in Mondstadt Remi got arrested and got put in solitary confinement for attaking one of the knights (he is alive dont worry). knights decided to give Remi a chance and allowed him to live in Mondstadt (because its best to get the potential enemy on your side before anything worse happens?). 6. loves dressing up (not because i cant come up with one default outfit, yeah)

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #genshin oc #oc #genshin barbara #genshin rosaria #genshin dahlia #artists on tumblr #art on tumblr #art #i love him so much you cant imagine

[andydrysdalerogers]

Cross-Checked ~ Chapter Ten

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!. 

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world., 

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again? 

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

Previous: Chapter Nine ~ It's Complicated ~ Jeremy/Leia

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter Ten ~ He Had It Coming ~ Andy

Andy 

Sitting at home alone was now just pathetic.  

I missed Leia so much. My words hurt her, hurt her so badly that I could see it the moment it happened. I had never spoken to her like that ever. The look on her face will haunt me forever. Why? Why would I talk to her like that? I know that Swayman is making her happy and I should want that for her. But he’s also not a good guy and I just didn’t want to see her get hurt.  

But now she’s not speaking to me, and I only see her in glances at practice or during a game. She’s been avoiding me as much as possible, though I don’t blame her. Luke has been pestering me about why she’s been in a mood but fuck that. I’m not telling him.  He would literally kill me for making his sister cry.  

So now I find myself alone in the big, Leia-less house, wishing I had done things differently. I miss my best friend.  I had just shut off all the lights and was heading for my room when there was a knock at the door. God, I hope it wasn’t Luke.  If he was having trouble with Miranda, I don’t know what my reaction would be. I groan and head back down the stairs. I don’t check out the window and just open the door.  

But I’m surprised to what I found.  

“Hi.”  

The most beautiful sight is in front of me. Leia. “Princess? You lose your key?” 

She’s playing with her fingers. Oh shit. That is her tell. “No,” she says quietly. “But I didn’t want to just walk in when I have been such a brat with you. I’m sorry.”  

I watch the tears fill her eyes and her bottom lip quiver. “Leia, I’m the one who should be sorry.” I pull her into my arms, and she begins to cry. “Princess, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I should have been your best friend and supported you and I’m just... sorry.”  

I walked us into the house, and I sat her down on the couch. She hiccups a little and I go grab her a water. “Thanks,” she whispers. I can see that she’s been upset for a while.  

“Leia, are you ok?” 

She shakes her head. “No. Just a lot of things, I guess.” She drops a hand to her belly and that’s when I noticed. She’s showing.  

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”  

A flash of heartbreak crossed her beautiful eyes. “Don’t call me that. Just call me Princess, ok?” 

“Ok.  So, my Princess has her belly now, huh?” I smile as I reach out my hand, wanting to distract her. “May I?” 

She gives a small smile.  “Yeah. I don’t feel them yet, but it feels weird.”  

I touch her belly with reverence. She's growing a life in there and soon, we’ll know what it is. “Hello, little one.” I sit there, hoping to feel something but all I feel is a tremble. I look up to see tears streaming down my Leia’s face. “Leia?” 

“He told me he would be there. That he cared.” She took a shuddering breath. “Umm... Jeremy and I are no longer seeing each other.  Apparently, I was wrong that he wanted a relationship with me.” The last words came out in a sob as she leaned forward into my chest. “He slept with someone else and told me that he couldn’t be a father and that I was ruining his reputation. I wasn’t worth it,” she cries, and I held her tight to me.  

I am raging. I am seeing red. I knew this fucker would hurt her and yet, he did so much worst.  

He broke her. 

I rock her as she cries, running my hands over her back and just letting her cry. I’m dreaming of the different ways I will be detaching Swayman’s head from his body. He knew the risks of seeing Leia and he was still his cocky asshole self in the end. As I feel her calm, I press my lips to her head. “I’ve got you Princess, I’ve always got you.”  

“Why won’t they love me, Andy? What did I do for them to hate me?” She thinks it's her. That the choices of these douchebags not choosing her at the end is her fault.  

“They don’t see the best parts of you, Leia. If they don’t see it, they don’t deserve you. You are a strong, independent, kick-ass social media manger, businesswoman, sister, daughter and friend.  And one day, someone will see all of it and not be stupid and make you theirs.” I cup her cheek, so she looks at me. “You deserve to be treated like a queen. Don’t settle for less.”  

A small smile graces her beautiful lips. “Thank you, Andy.” She wiped her cheeks. “I’m going to concentrate on my baby and my business. I don’t need a man to do those things. I just need you and Luke and Stella and Miranda and I don’t need anyone else.”  

I gave her a smile, even though it hurt a little. She still needed me but not as a lover. But it’s ok, because as long as I have her in my life, I don’t need anything else.  “C’mon, Warrior Princess, let’s get a snack and then its bedtime.” I got up and gave her my hand.  

“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?” She turned those big green eyes on me, and I’m doomed.  

“Anytime you want Princess.”  

She’s back and she’s talking to me again. It's a win. I’ll take it and tomorrow I’ll deal with the raging heat that’s simmering below.  

Leia woke up and made breakfast and it's like she never left.  She’s quiet but not as despondent as she was last night. “You ok, Princess?” 

“No, but I will be,” she said as she speared a piece of fruit.  

I sighed.  “You have an appointment coming up. Is it an ultrasound? Do you still want me to go?” 

This perks her up a bit. “Yeah, they might be able to tell what the baby is.”  

“Have a preference?” I took a sip of coffee with a smile.  I loved her excitement when it came to the baby.  

“No, healthy is good.  I just want to plan the room and names and stuff.” She looked down at her phone and let out a soft curse. “I’m sorry Andy, I totally forgot I have a meeting with a potential new client. It's a finance company, so new challenge.” 

“Go, I’ll clean up here. I have practice and a meeting with my agent but after, wanna grab a late lunch?” 

“Sure!” She ran out of the room and up the stairs. 

I grimaced but was happy she wouldn’t be at practice. I had a goalie to confront.  

As team captain, I have to set an example to the rest of the team. I fight for them on the ice with the refs and I am their shoulder to lean on off the ice. I take this very seriously. I will protect all of my team, from the players, to the trainers and our support staff.  I want to be that person my team relies on.  

Today, however, I think I might become the one they fear.  

I had told Coach that I was running late because of an appointment with Leia. I needed to take a moment to remind myself that murder is bad. But blowing up Swayman’s world would be a nice consolation prize.  

Everyone was already on the ice, shooting the breeze while Coach got prepared.  I stretched and dressed. Luke was waiting for me at the end of the hallway. “Everything good, bro?” 

“Everything is fine,” I growl out.  I grabbed my twig and start skating around.  Luke pulls up next to me.  

“Andy, what is it?” I keep skating, not wanting to lose it on my best friend. He’s going to be pissed. I keep my head down just as I pass the net when I hear, “yeah, she was banging.”  

Swayman. 

I come to a complete stop and look at him.  “Who was banging?” 

Jeremy has a flash of uncertainty cross in his eyes before he smiles again.  “This chick I hooked up with. She was wild in the sack last night.”  

“Oh,” I kept my face neutral. “This is after you dumped Leia and after you cheated on her, right? Nice.”  

I swear every single skate stopped to stare at the standoff between me and Swayman.  I actually think I managed to shut Luke up the longest.  

“Leia and I weren't a couple. We dated but we weren’t exclusive,” Jeremy defended himself.  

“Oh, so telling her that you would be there for her, be with her for the baby, acting like her boyfriend but really what was your motive? Screw her and then dump her? She is one of us!” A collective intake of breath happens.  

“Jeremy, tell me that isn’t true?” Linus Ullmark says.  

“It's not only true but I had Leia sobbing all night because of this asshat,” pointing at Swayman. 

“Why the fuck do you care, Barber? I had bigger balls than you to ask her out and date her. She was asking to be fucked, acting like a slut.  She was ready to give me everything and then she dropped the truth bomb that she’s pregnant! She is a whore, wanting to sleep with someone else when she has a baby daddy. At least I didn’t fuck her, you should be thankful for that. You won’t have to deal with my sloppy seconds. Or thirds, I guess,” he said with a smirk.  

I tried to lunge at him, but a couple of the guys stopped me.  

No one saw Luke.  

He put everything into that punch. Jeremy dropped to the ice as more guys work to stop Luke from pummeling his ass into the ground. “You fucking asshole!  That’s my baby sister you are messing with!” Luke screams. He’s thrashing in the arms of our defensemen while Linus is helping Jeremy up. Swayman’s got a bloody nose and a split lip.   

“Fuck you, Andrews.  You told me I could go for it. Blame your-fucking-self!” He tries to go for Luke but Ullmark and my other assistant captain, Marchand, hold him back.  

“That’s enough!” The coach walks over to us. “Swayman, go to the trainer's room and get cleaned up.  Andrews,” he looks him up and down, “meet me in my office after practice. Barber, you too.”  

Like I said, I’ll do anything to protect my team. But not when a teammate is a detriment to the rest of us.  

Coach is furious when we walk into his office after practice. Jeremy never made it back to practice and I worry that Luke is about to be suspended for it. He’s holding an ice pack to his knuckles; they’re already turning black and blue.  Coach looks at us and then at the chairs in front of his desk. We take that as the order to sit and do it. “I don’t even know what to say.” He glares at us. I think he is trying to dare us into speaking, but I am no fool. Doing that would be suicide.  

The door opens and one of the trainers pokes his head in. “Sorry coach, you wanted to know...” 

“Yeah?” Coach continues to glare at us.  

“It’s not broken but bruised pretty good. At least one,” doc said.  

“Thanks.” The trainer closed the door and Coach sighed. “You two are both very lucky. Because I was about to bench your asses for however long he would be out.”  

Luke starts, “but Coach...” I grab his arm and shake my head.  

“I want a reason why my captains are fighting with their goalie. Barber, this is your team and you’re starting fights?” 

“Sir, I didn’t start the fight.  I started an argument,” I replied in a steady tone. “Whether or not I was ready to throw down is up for debate.” I keep my eyes with his.  

“I want to know the reason,” he seethes.  

I look at Luke, who nods.  I sigh. “Swayman made a couple of comments about Andrews’s sister. I took offense to them because she is one of my best friends.  He then made a derogatory remark about her. That’s when my teammates stopped me but neglected to account for Luke.” 

“Derogatory how?”  

I forgot that Coach has daughters. “I’d rather not repeat it.  You can ask him if you’d like to, but I refuse to say it.”  

Coach sighs and sits down. This feels like sixth grade all over again when Luke and I got hauled to the principal’s office for fighting. I mean, Tommy Deroux had it coming after pushing Leia to the ground in the playground. The suspension was worth it when he had to apologize to her in front of the whole school. “I really don’t know how to handle this. I get it, she’s your sister, but they are also adults, and they made their choices.” 

“Sir, you didn’t have your sister or best friend sobbing in your arms last night.  It took everything to come in and not start something right away. I was going to let it go because you’re right.  They made this decision to date together.  But I protect everyone on this team, whether their job is on the ice or not.  I will not let the disrespect that happened to another employee go unaddressed.” 

Coach looks at me warily. Then at Luke.  “One game, Andrews. You sit for one game for throwing the punch.  What happens outside of my arena is not my problem.  Now get out of my office.”  

I stood up with Luke and went back to the locker room. We grab our stuff to change since we just dressed in sweats after we showered. “One fucking game,” Luke says.  

“You’re lucky it's not more.” I pulled on my hoodie. “There was a reason I didn’t say anything before practice.” I grabbed my wallet and keys. “She was heartbroken last night.”  

“But that’s my sister, man.”  

“And I have to think about what’s best for the team. You got your hit in, let it go.” I turned around and felt my balls retreat into my body. Luke turned at my silence and froze.  

Leia glared at us. “Wanna explain to me why Marchand is calling me and letting me know that my brother threw a punch at practice?” 

Oh shit. 

Can I just comment here that Leia has her mom look down? 

“Princess...” she raised her hand up to stop me and never took her eyes off of Luke.  I feared for my best friend, and I took a step back.  

“Lucas Michael Andrews, what the fuck are you thinking?” 

“Cubby, listen...” he looked at me but I looked down. He sighed. “Swayman crossed the line at practice, and you can’t expect me to not defend your honor.”  

Leia had a horrified look on her face. “What was he saying?”  

I jump in. “Nothing Princess. It's been handled and I want you to put it out of your mind, ok?” I pulled her into my arms for a hug. “I promise, it's been handled, and Coach gave the punishments and life here will go back to normal.”  

Whatever that looks like.  

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@kmc1989

@kandis-mom

@lokislady82

#andy's shenanigans #andy's hea #cross checked #found family #pregnancy #best friends are idiots #best friends to lovers #brothers best friend #best friends sister #hockey au #idiots in love #andy barber fiction #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber au #chris evans fanfiction #NHL au #boston bruins au #andy barber fanfic #andy barber x ofc #andy barber #jeremy swayman #swayman #goalie obsession #barber vs swayman #the competition for Leighton's heart

[intern-seraph]

Hey, sorry if this is a weird question but. I was wondering if you knew of any blogs specifically for responding to/arguing against leftist antisemitism? I want to be a good ally to Jewish people, but also I Am Not Immune To Propaganda and sometimes I just don't quite notice the implications, you know?

There's been a few posts going around recently, where there's screenshots with the water filter, and someone responding to them like "yeah this is actually pretty fucked up for x and y reasons". Those have been really helpful because, while some of them are much more obviously antisemitic, some of them I'm not sure I would've noticed, and now I'm a bit better educated. That's the kind of thing I'm looking for.

Again, sorry if this is a weird question, and I hope you have a good day!

none that i'd recommend tbh? i feel like laser focusing on something can get to the point of seeing it everywhere, and there's also a risk of becoming reactionary abt it if that makes sense. the blogs i do rec are mainly other jews' blogs, especially the ones you've prob seen me rb from.

my main rec for recognizing leftist antisemitism is familiarizing yourself with antisemitic tropes. some of the most common ones you'll see:

Blood libel: Originated in medieval Christian Europe, spread throughout Afroeurasia and persists today. The accusation that Jews kidnap gentile (Orig. Christian) children to do nefarious things (Orig. and still relatively commonly "blood rituals" or "taking their blood to use in making Matzah") with. You'll see this often alongside "Jews rule the world" antisemitism.

Jews rule the world/Zionist-occupied government/Evil Cabals: What it says on the tin. If you see some shit about how "Oh isn't it SUSPICIOUS how many billionaires/millionaires/rich people are Jewish?" or "The ZIONIST-CONTROLLED MEDIA is suppressing this!", that's a variant on this canard.

Khazar theory: Antisemitic pseudoscientific theory that Ashkenazi Jews aren't ackshually descended from the Judeans who were forcibly exiled from our homeland, but instead descended from Turkic Khazars who converted to Judaism. Easily disproven by actual genetic studies that show that uh yeah all ethnically Jewish folks, Ashkies included, are descended from common ancestors that originated in the Levant. Also Yiddish is derived from, y'know, not Turkic languages. There are definitely Khazar Jews, but they make up a small number of an already small population. Variants you'll probably see of this are basically anything saying that Ashkies are somehow less Jewish than other Jews, that we're all White People (Jewish connection to Whiteness is Complicated) who have no connection to the Levant, How Could Ashkenazim Be From There When Some Of Them Are BLONDE?, etc. Shit like that.

stalin shit: a lot of modern leftist antisemitism has its roots in soviet antisemitism, which used "zionist" as another word for "jew" in order to pretend to not be antisemitic. people still do that today. if you see a post where "zionist" can be replaced with "jew" and it reads word-for-word like a classic antisemitic trope, well, you know. don't trust anyone who stans stalin (or modern russia to be honest. tankies (derogatory)).

this is non-exhaustive ofc. here are also blogs i recommend blocking asap (with / in their names to inhibit name-searching); they're all in the same far-left antisemitic atrocity apologist circle (i.e. assad stans, putin stans, holodomor deniers, uyghur oppression deniers, CCP stans, houthi stans, etc):

her/ita/gep/osts (north korea stan, which is fucking insane. beloved tumblr funnyman who implicitly blames jews for the actions of the israeli govt in multiple gross posts and has targeted multiple jewish bloggers, prompting mass harassment)

ko/ms/om/ol/ka (nasty character all around. claimed she was banned for being pro-palestine, it's actually prob because she's been reported before for being a fucking racist antisemitic freak lmao)

tx/tt/le/ta/le (ew)

bre/nda/nic/us (happily antisemitic. homophobic too, as a treat i guess)

blo/g/lik/ea/ne/gyp/tian (egyptian nationalist. don't ask her what happened to cairo's jews. makes nasty posts that outright state that jews should feel guilty for current events ON JEWISH HOLIDAYS.)

whe/nma/gic/fil/led/the/air (infamously antisemitic. block.)

a-si/ent-/ecli/pse ("Happy Holocaust Memorial Day")

ara/bia/n-k/nig/ht (extremely and openly antisemitic kid. just, like, don't engage)

nat/ive/ne/ws (tweet screenshots aren't news. loooooves spreading disinfo and misinfo)

ap/as-/95 (part of the tankie committee)

les/bia/nch/emi/cal/pla/nt (i think she's a jew but she's, like, the tankie tumblr pet jew istg. she's also an asshole. girl they will gladly turn you over once you outlive your usefulness 😬)

other advice: anyone who claims to be "anti-zionist NOT antisemitic" who only ever fixates on jews and jewish orgs instead of the christian zionists who vastly outnumber the entire jewish population is lying, they're antisemitic (whether they realize it or not). houthi stans generally are stupid jew-haters who would rather support the ethnic cleansing, racism, misogyny, antisemitism, and chattel slavery party than possibly say that Someone Who Rejects The Enemy(tm) is, yknow, not morally pure. people who are abnormal about ashkenazim are generally abnormal about non-ashkies, too, but in a different and still nasty way. if someone claims that "everything was fine before the Zionists(tm) attacked", they are wrong. do some research on the history of jewish life in the region and it's very clearly wrong. if someone says that they're tired of jews and jewish feelings and jewish safety being a focus, they probably don't feel particularly kind things about us in general. fact-check claims. screenshots aren't news. people who are okay with widespread civilian death/suffering in one direction probably only desire vengeance more than anything else, which does nothing for anyone and is a net loss. anyone baying for blood is suspect, anyone without a concrete solution/plan beyond "burn it down" is not going to do much constructive work in terms of delivering justice.

#ask #i-looktothe-stars #o7 godspeed #unfortunately a lot of this comes down to training your eye #it's a rough and wild world out there #steeped in a fine blend of centuries of antisemitism #antisemitism #seraph speaks #sorry for how scattered this is #and my allergy to the shift key

[bropunzeling]

25 for soulbonds and girl!leon :)

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

soulbonds - idk if i ever made it explicitly textual but brady and quinn ARE in love in this universe and very much dating, because that is important to me. i don't think they have a bond, it's just normal people dating, but they've been together since they were baby teens and matthew definitely has a lot of complicated jealous feelings when they are living their normal little dating lives while he is dealing with having a monstrous gonzo crush on the guy he's bonded to, who he's nearly certain doesn't think about him the same way. even if they fuck a lot.

girl!leon - (a) girl!trevor in this universe is super into jamie but does not know she is into jamie until she sees someone ELSE be into jamie and has a jealous breakdown in a bar bathroom. (b) i'm sure i've discussed timmy stu's hideous doomed crushes on brady and on girl!leon elsewhere but i want to state them here firmly for the record. he has the worst luck in the world. maybe he and mo can be fun summer boyfriends. (c) taryn is the first tkachuk (aside from matthew ofc) that leon manages to get to come around on her. she's most worried about making sure chantal likes her but it helps that taryn takes one look at her and is like, okay you are great, you will help me beat matthew at whatever competitive shit we're doing today because you are driven and unafraid of cheating (playing ping pong or horse or volleyball in a bikini top). she goes over to matthew the first night leon is over and is like "well i like her" like that's the most important opinion to him before heading off to bother brady. brady is the tkachuk who takes the longest.

#ask meme

[luvlyhyunjin]

The whole situation is so complicated 😭😭😭 like all characters are soooo so complex, especially y/n :((

Tbh yes, Yeji has low key bene a bit mean to y/n and stuff even before she found out the truth, but that’s justifiable bc she was defending her friend, aka Hyunjin! And ofc if I put myself in her shoes, if my friends’ ex left my bff all heart broken, ofc I would have some sort of sour feelings :((. But ofc it’s always important to note that when a relationship ends, it’s not ab finding who to blame! I relationship ends bc it’s simply not meant and that’s ok, that’s just life ://. So imo I do think Yeji is valid for not being all for y/n and Hyunjin BUT idt she needed to be a bitch ab it. However !!! The way she reacted to the news ab the bet and SEUNGMIN, I get that bc in her perspective she was trying to look after Hyunjin.

For Hyunjin’s POV, idk I think it rlly depends on the person. Bc yes y/n did a lot of questionable things, and tbh he rlly does have the option to not listen to her bc tbh if I were in his shoes I wouldn’t either AKSJSKSJA bc like wth !!! I’m online w h and turns out ur doing sm shiz behind my back like ?!?! However, when his own friends shit talked y/n, I thought that was below the belt. It’s natural they don’t like her for what she had done, but Hyunjin still loves her, and love doesn’t just go away. Bc idk maybe it’s a me thing, but when my friends jus breakup w an ex, I make it a point to never talk shit, even if I rlly want to in the first few weeks or so bc it’ll also hurt my friend bc they still love them! That’s why I did find it a bit weird that Hyunjin didn’t rlly tell them to stop but we r all different and deal w our feelings differently. I think it was normal he blocked her bc he needs to heal and get some space fr. Like I said it’s rlly up to him if he wants to listen to y/n. Bc I’m 100% sure she has her reasons but ofc it’ll be hard to listen to her bc he did give her chances to admit the truth but she was scared and never took the chance, so that’s on her.

Tbh I think all of them are just acting immaturely which is rlly normal and human of them! Like I don’t rlly support how some of them r dealing w it, especially w Hyunjin’s friends talking shot ab y/n, the girl he still has feelings for IN FRONT OF HIS FACE :((. Idk like I said, for me I think it’s below the belt bc one, he did love her once :((. Valid for them to not like her but they should give Hyunjin some space from the situation bc it just seems like they’re making it ab themselves. They could’ve just asked how he was and continued from there :((. Idk :((

And for y/n I cannot stress this enough, she should’ve said smthg :(( everyone’s been telling her to come clean and Hyunjin even gave her the chance but she never did, so it rlly gave d impression dat she was playing w Hyunjin and his friends. I think she should’ve said smthg sooner and should’ve jus been honest from the get go. Bc I’m sure Hyunjin would’ve been hurt by what happened and what she did, but at least it would give Hyunjin reassurance that she is honest w him. And it’s understandable that y/n is sort of acting dis way bc of her own personal issues, but dat doesn’t justify her reasons, and doesn’t justify hurting someone else whom is harmless. So I think y/n is in a place of reflection and hopefully she finds some peace :)).

Mad for Chan, I mean ofc he will tell Yeji AKSNWM she is his friend and ofc all the shiz he found out was rlly like messed up so ofc he will tell her, it’s a normal response. I mean he could’ve clarified it w wooyoung, Yuma, and y/n, but idt they’re close to begin w so AKSNAKANA.

Long story short, theyre all just rlly emotional and I think they’re all sort of acting impulsively which is normal :)).

Idk how this whole situation is gonna unfold but I’m rlly hoping for the best for all of them!!

yess this is why i kept saying this is so complicated bc its one of these situations where we could go back and forth on what everyone could have said and did when everything the characters do doesn't always have to be morally correct when they have different personalities and feelings/past judgements are involved thats just very unrealistic i also mentioned to keep note of the pain being so fresh and the shock is settling in bc yk sadness and pain are such complex emotions they could turn into rage or have you thinking differently/irrationally. if this was after a while maybe i could for sure see felix or hyunjin being like "okay guys this is not cool stop it" bc time could have passed and their opinion on yn wouldnt just bc focused on this one bad thing she did

I do agree w u that this felt selfish to hyunjin i think his feelings are not being validated in this situation, his friends are only validating yejis side which is that yn is100% a villain in her story so the first thing she feels for yn is anger and just that. where for hyunjin the way he feels about yn is soso complex bc this is a person who he loved and still loves, shares a past with and thought of her as his soulmate thats why it made so much sense for me that he's isolating himself he doesnt feel like he has a safe space to talk about yn and express his grief and the complexity of still missing her,loving her its similar to the start where he couldnt talk abour his feelings for yn w yeji and only talked about them to lix

Also the whole bangchan situation i do think if someone else heard them things would be different i do believe if it was changbin in that situation he would have 100% talk to yuna and woo first but with chan he had showed multiple times that he doesnt really care about yn and her friends like that and it had been shown also that he's not really a logically thinking person like he had said questionable things throughout the series so

omg thank you for writing ur thoughts to me in detail this is so fun to read and i lovee getting to discuss everything so i hope ur feeling the same as i said its so interesting to see so many different opinions and views this just goes to show how complex we are as humans!! i love it🥹🩷🩷

[spokelseskladden]

Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, I just wanted to ask if you still have ideas about the Time Travel AU (the CK one) cause I've been a little obsessed with it (I really love you art ♥️)

Omg CK time travel AU... I'm so happy people still like it, I haven't thought about it in so long :') sadly I don't have any new art of it, but I can add a few notes

The whole idea was always about Miguel and Robby from the end of season 4 waking up around the start of season 2. Neither one knows the other is in the same boat, and it creates some problems as both try to change events in their own ways, thus making different situations harder to predict. They also go about it the wrong way until they get Demetri on board, like they focus on the wrong things to solve the problems.

I was always imagining Miguel waking up on the day he gets his braces removed, because everything will suck for him for a while but at least he'll get to experience that twice ( my people who wore braces will know what I'm talking about)✌️✌️

Before Robby and Miguel figure out they're time travelling buds they try to sabotage each others non-existent relationships. This makes Sam think Miguel still is a jealous douchebag, Tory thinks Robby is...weird. basically, those relationships are soooo dead. I like Robby/Tory (controversial, I know) but it would be complicated. There's a chance for them being endgame, but I'm on the fence about it, cause the point of this AU was more about friendships, especially for Robby.

This one drawing I made where Robby and Miguel sort of talk about juvie/the paralysis was supposed to take place after this big fight they had. Because they're not friendly towards eachother after finding out they're both from the future. They're forced together due to the circumstances, but there's a lot of tension between them that culminates into this big fight where they nearly repeat the event they're trying to avoid. It shakes them to their core, and they realise they don't want this -> they try to talk about it and figure out that they have more in common than they thought.

This was supposed to be the turning point in the au. Pre them making up, everything just went from bad to worse, every situation they tried to fix ended with something else going straight to hell, but once they become friends? Everything suddenly seems to go smoothly. Until it doesn't. (enter fucking Hawk and the feelings they didn't take into account. Because they were all clueless about it.)

Hawk is in love with Miguel. This is true in all universes, I take no criticism on this lol. The AU was never supposed to be migueli centric, but it makes him extra jealous of Robby. Like, if the guy you like suddenly start sneaking around with someone you both used to talk shit about, keeping secrets, blowing off a potential girlfriend for this person, and now they suddenly seems to get along a bit too well? Yeah he thinks they have something going on. Which sucks for him, cause it's one thing if Miguel can't like him back because he's straight, if he's actually into guys as well? Ouch. It's a total misreading of the situation, but Hawk isn't going to jump to time travelling buddies as the first answer :/ There's a lot of hurt feelings here, and his go to coping mechanism is ofc anger and overreactions. Miguel is so used to Hawk listening to him (especially in his champ era) he didn't ever count on him doing the exact opposite in order to spite him. Cause he kinda...took Hawk for granted I guess 😔

While I made a joke about Hawk hitting on Tory (because she never got with Miguel there's nothing stopping him from doing that) I never planned on them getting together. They would go on one date maximum, Tory would realise they're way better as friends because they would've had a toxic fucking dynamic, and break it off. Which also makes Hawk spiral, but this ain't about him. Tory hangs with Aisha more because she's not with Miguel, and they have their own theories on what's going on with Miguel (and hawk tbh). I think they're the ones who accidentally starts this whole "Miguel and Robby might be...👀👀👀👀" Thing. They also realise what Hawk's deal is.

Sam v. Tory is waaaay more focused on Aisha, as it always should've been imo. I don't think their rivalry gets as bloody, and I think all three can learn some important lessons way faster. Also Aisha never disappears, because there's no school fight.

The adults are the biggest challenge, because neither Miguel nor Robby knows what the hell they were up to most of the time, and they're the ones who creates the mess. Miguel is from the end of s4, so from his perspective his relationship with Johnny is strained, while Johnny has no clue why their dynamic feels so off now(when he finds out Miguel and Robby are friends now, he assumes it's because of his shit relationship with Robby. Which isn't far off from the truth, once Miguel and Robby start talking they actually bond quite a bit over failed fathers/father figures which in turn puts even more strain on the Johnny-Miguel dynamic)

Originally I was considering Miguel being in a similar accident in the end, but under different circumstances. I'm not sure if it would work, but there's something about doomed narratives that compels me.

At least one character will be disappointed in Robby and Miguel for not even trying to win the lottery once they find out they're from the future. Robby and Miguel say they were a bit preoccupied with stopping the karate-gang-wars. Idk which character this should be but let's be real, it's Bert.

#asks #ck #time travel au #migueli #<- that's a tag i didn't expect to use today but it's not unwelcome :') i miss them!!! #this was so much fun #maybe I should do stuff with this au again!!!

[call-me-shadowborn]

I have no idea why I keep making Azuriel's backstory this complicated. But i felt her "noble heritage" needs justification, since it clashes with the very first verse of The Predestination. I could have just wipe it off by some free interpretation bs (which i did, partly), or could have ignore it, (as one failed Tel'Imaltath wrote, it was never meant to actually come true - so why would any detail be accurate?) But NAH,

I love to suffer, so here's the outline of this chaos of a family tree, and some event explanation in the Arquen family's past. I DON'T ENCOURAGE anyone to suffer it through, because it is a mess, and makes little to zero sense after all, but i really enjoy doing some extra worldbuilding stuff - BECAUSE I know, I SHOULD DRAW rn, but i can't :D I genuinely appreciate though if you really DO suffer through this shit: You're AWESOME! But you've been warned :D And if you don't wanna read all this random rambling, here's a conclusion: - The 'Arquen family 'started with a "commoner" receiving a fief and a title - a very minor one, compared to their overlords but still. - after a couple of generations the fief and the title has gone because of severe debt, so basically the folk involved became destitutes. To pay off their debt, the descendants had to serve at Stonefield from a very young age.

Lyana's dad finally managed to restore the family's status and the land, plus become friends with Lord BB. MegaWIN.

HOWEVER he committed that specific mistake (blood is blood after all or what...) to fall for one of the Boddenbruuk servants, an aeterna lady. (i want to clarify here that the majority of Stonefield servants were not Arquen descendants so this is not an incest tale :D )

So in the end, Azuriel was not even nominally noble from many aspects. She hasn't inherited jack shit, she was not raised as one, her ancestors were destitutes for a couple of generations; But still she is, according to some well hidden parchments. :DDD

See? I could have done it the easy way, but i went bonkers instead inventing this overcomplicated shit. :D --------------------------------

PT I.

~ 200 yrs ago, Lyana’s very great-great grandfather Darius (nicknamed, „the tall”, bcz his stature was closer to the Aeterna, despite of being Alemanne)

was given the honor, along with the noble name „Arquen” (meaning ’knight’ – loanword from old aeterna) for his„exceptional military services”* as a footsoldier of the Middlerealm. Property was also given with the title: Casle Ledur and the surroundings → later became „Arquen Manor” (*copy of the deed of gift Azuriel has found in Erothin Archives) - Couple of generations, until one of the Arquens (Aster) accumulated a debt* that the Boddenbruuk countess at the time,(Lady Sedna, decided to confiscate the manor. ( →plus Aster married a half-aeterna minstrel, Aelune, which was not only unusual, but Middlerealm overlords did not took it kindly for their weird reasons)

(*at least that’s the reason named in the copy of the decree says, which can also be found in the Erothin Archives)

-The family got disbanded – however the able bodied youngsters of Aster and Aelune were taken to Stonefield as squires; Aster and Aelune's exact fate is unknown.

-One of the kid, (Theodore Arquen, granddad of Damian) managed to remain at the Countess’ service (guard captain), settled down, got married (Moira), and tried to intrique his way around in hope of redeeming back their status. (ofc this didn't work out this way)

-ThenDamian Arquen, dad of Azuriel happened (he was the sole child of Nestor Arquen and the miller’s daughter Avina)

- At 7, Damian was taken under old Lord (Ansgar) Boddenbruuk’s tutelage because of Avina and Nestor’s premature death, and as usual, his squireship began at the same year, under the then 17 year old Lothar Boddenbruuk. -At the age of 19, Damian had been accoladed to knight, and the ever growing tension between the Middle and the Northrealm created an opporunity for him to prove himself:

-on his very first campaign he was assigned to accompany the Boddenbruuks (Old Ansgar and his son, Lothar, 29 at the time (who was, btw widow to Lady Anabel Rhamalion.)

-At the age of 20, though the campaign was not entirely succesful (They won the Battle of Mortram, but were unable to advance further to the Capital, and Lothar got wounded.) - For his strategic and military prowess, and for "saving his ass" in the battle, Lothar restored Castle Ledur and the „Arquen manor” back to the Arquens – Damian – and they became close friends. -In turn, oath of allegiance and other mandatory bs followed for becoming a vassal of the Boddenbruuks - again.

PT II. Damian & Lylien Arquen As Damian were a frequent guest in the following year in Stonefield as the Lord’s friend, he started to develop feelings towards a young aeterna maidservant of the Boddenbruuks, Lylien (19 at the time.) -To set ages right for that time:

***Lord Lothar Boddenbruuk, 30, ***Lady Anabel Rhamalion (deceased after giving birth to their daughter, at the age of 18, would be 22) ***Little Antoinette Boddenbruuk, 4, ***Lylien 19 ***Damian Arquen, 21 - Problem was, Lothar BB also grew fond of Lylien (rather use the term obsessive*), although he tried everything in his power to conceal his feelings..

*triggered by the fact that Lylien’s resemblance in complexion and mannerism to the late Lady Anabel was striking, despite of the former being a lowborn aeterna, while Anabel was of normanne descent. - Lylien reciprocated Damian’s feelings over time, and he eventually asked her (and even the permission of Lord Boddenbruuk) to the marriage. - Obviously he hesitated a bit, used the good ol bad reputation of intermarriage first, then Lylian's importance as "the best" maidservant for his little Antoinette - as an exucuse.

-He eventually threw the towel in with ONE condition: Lylien continues her services* in Stonefield castle regardless of her new home and ’status’.

*she had to „commute” six days a week, but teleportation magic was fairly common back then despite the Chancellor’s disapproval.

-in the 1st year of Lylien & Damian’s marriage: A boy was born in 9897 a. St. → Sylras. Lothar became even more desperate, caught between the battle of his affection, and his friend.

-He grew resentful but still managed to act as the family’s friend tho, partly bcz he needed his friend’s support to a campaign* against a so called Bandit Prince (who nestled in the county, robbed /enslaved merchants and travellers.

*was deliberately unsuccesful but SsSsHhShh! -He tried to show nothing of his internal battles, however suppressing his feelings towards Lylien festers inside him.

-Meanwhile, Lylien and Damian even planned a second child - however there were some difficulties this time around, and they had to rely on travelling apothecary’s help (a special herbal medicine* - to make a second pregnancy happen.

*motherwort and milk thistle suspension - not that if this is an important detail to point out)

-Around this time (in the 7th year of their marriage, Sylras being 6), when Lylien’s doing her chores in Antoinette’s bedchamber (girl had riding lessons in that time period) Lord Lothar saw the moment of opportunity that he has taken advantage of… And regretted later.

-Lylien didn’t tell anything to Damian, partly because of shame and partly because she was afraid of Lothar BB - this was not the first sign of him being a wacko

- Approx 9 months later, in 9903. a. St. Lyana Arquen was born. Lyana herself, and nobody else ever could figure out if she was Damian’s or Lothar Boddenbruuk’s daughter.

(Fun fact: she was Damian’s triumph the day before the incident, but when she finds her mom’s diary, she believes her assumption that she might be Lothar’s -Anyway, years went by „as normal”, but Lord BB started rapidly losing his grasp on reality while trying to maintain the facade of bffs with the Arquens.

- HE did the math and grew paranoid that the child might be his, what if later shows resemblance of him and sparks suspicion, or Lylien might eventually tell Damian what has truly happened and he will seek justice or revenge.

-perceptions distorted, he grew bitter and hateful, which resulted in reckless actions, at the time when Lyana was about the age of 5, Sylras being 11,

-in 9908. a. Starfall, 5th of The Departure

-He came to an agreement with the Bandit Prince, and promised him Castle Ledur as a payment IF his team manages to „eliminate” the Arquens*. Preferably by making the whole thing look like “things got out of hand”. (*No witnesses. Thus their household servants and their serfs also „had to go”.

-This way he could sort of “provide” the demand of slave materials to the Prince and he also promised a bonus if he manages to do so by eliminating all evidence of the act being ordered by him..

Which the Prince deliberately ignored after nested into Castle Ledur, and entered into a contract with Lady Alcazar to gain control over the Steel Rail mine. He kept the parchment with the sigil of Lothar among other whatnot in their secret vault, where Azuriel found it, 15 years later.

#nehrim #fanfic draft #this is stupid but who cares #azuriel #vynblr #oc #shadowborn #this is nuts #overdone #backstory

[yuukei-yikes]

i hate second manga route for haruka and especially takane's stupid arcs but LIKE I ALWAYS SAY its got so much going for it. ayano and shintaro especially. ayano being the shittiest sister ever and shintaro being Literally the awesomest brother really gets me like its so funny

shintaro being so. Weird/mean in more typical routes because of retaining eyes even if it's repressed/inactive... i know its because kagepro was written in the course Of Years and it's honestly a game of telephone so it's more a matter of lack of consistency rather than this but i like to explain it with that lol

in main route shintaro and momo barely speaking, not being close at all. but in an original way they were THE closest siblings... sniff sniff. like so much was sacrificed in the way to their happy ending, their relationship being one. and for shintaro (with retaining) to eventually remember this but not momo... and how it'd cause a shift in his behavior bc he REMEMBERS all these moments they spent together in some other lifetime and how he felt about it then, and it's simultaneous with how he feels with this lifetime and this specific relationship he's built with his sister. it's a lot!! he doesn't stop being him, but all these other routes are overwritten over one another and how he feels in each one is completely simultaneous with how he feels about the present. augh. this is complicated for all his relationships ofc like (drum rolls) takane because of Many reasons but for example he fucking killt her once and he KNOWS that. but hehe. kisaragi siblings. that was just my obligatory takane mention bc i can't help myself BUT IM TALKING ABT SHINTARO AND MOMO

momo just sees shintaro acting awkward and trying to approach her and she's like 😐weird. ofc she still reciprocates!! like DAMN shintaro wanting to be her brother and get closer to her?? it's one of her biggest wishes come true!!!! but its awkward as fuck!!

shintaro is dealing with MANY things as he goes through life with all these memories + living past the end of the story, and momo is terrified of scaring shintaro away because she doesn't KNOW all he knows and he's shit at trying to communicate and just talk. but maybe their mom can come home and be like oh. u guys are watching tv together?? thats strange. and theyre like oh. yeah i guess <- wrestled for who got the remote, momo obviously won, shintaro complains but still stays to watch whatever the hell obscure tv show momo is into. shintaro keeps criticizing it and momo's like just leave if it bothers u so much and he's like NO. im googling the directors and writers of this as we speak.

also i know ive said this 1000 times but car guy shintaro. this guy gets his license and is everyone's taxi driver. but ESPECIALLY momo. he drives her to school everyday and they scream sing together the entire way. momo makes a car playlist to sing with him but will never admit it's a playlist specifically made with shintaro in mind and how funny she thinks it'll be when call me maybe comes on and shintaro will be like AUGGH THIS SUCKS LOWER THE VOLUME but immediately starts singing too.

AND ALSO he tries teaching her how to drive and she crashes their mom's car and shintaro takes the blame. as punishment he can't use the car for a while. in that while momo still gets her license Somehow even though she is an awful awful driver and now since shintaro isnt allowed to drive for a bit momo is taking him and he's FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.

anyways kisaragi siblings😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 also ayaki not only watching shintaro managing to get closer to momo in this lifetime too, but also sees ayano be this supposedly perfect big sister.

post str ayano with all this guilt over abandoning her siblings and feeling totally incapable of everything, both academically and emotionally. but ayaki is still a little jealous bc even if she Knows how ayano must feel (despite not even being in her head like with shintaro. she knows bc she IS ayano) kano kido and seto DO see her as a good big sister. i think ayaki harbors certain "hatred" for the surviving ayano because she. hates herself. and this ayano has everything ayaki fought for and is still just as incapable and it pisses her off. i think both ayanos feel horrible specifically about kano's involvement in everything and what he had to deal with when ayano died. ayaki thinks god. i/she still failed for protect him. this SUCKS. she knows ayano hates herself bc she hates her and she is her💥

....and also in case of shinaya ayakis like THIS IS RIDICULOUSSS!! HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!?!?! COME ONNNN. erm anyways💥

#kagepro #shintaro kisaragi #momo kisaragi #ayano tateyama #kagenalysis #kagevinnie #headcanons

[defensivelee]

W&M are Hades and Persephone: Now, which gods are the rest of the Stuarts? (Ignore if you don’t care about Greco-Roman mythology btw)

i have a complicated relationship with greco-roman mythology but lucky for you for the most part it is not negative so!! here goes just a few of them. you'll forgive any errors as i am a little sleepys and also these are just like a little bit i remember off the top of my head

so, Charles is a little weird for me and this is just my interpretation, but I think he could be either Dionysus or....Aphrodite. dio makes sense for the whole drinking and partying thing, i dont need to explain that. he is a lunatic. aphrodite, tho.... mm idk, obv theres the whole pleasure and love and everything, which i think makes sense for Charles' act. she's got different vibes to him that he doesn't, tho. however, if he were a god, somehow i can see him looking over that. no idea why but it at least fits in my head! i think it's bc i've been in a transfem charles obsession who even knows

James is a cunt and by instinct i wanna say Hades too just bc of him and Maria and how i'm normal about them but obv. he's taken. so, fuck it man im going with Ares! just bc i like bloody men. and James, so often as i write him, is covered in blood constantly. and ofc, any violent James is a fun James.

Anne, mmm idk she was hard. i think i'll go with either Hera bc she can be a little vengeful and spiteful, tho obv not bc of her husband. who just sat there, king shit fr. no, she's spiteful bc of her FAMILY, and that's FUN 👍👍👍 if she had god powers she'd fr be up to some crazy shit esp with m&w. ORRR the other choice is Athena, just bc i think that would be very hot of Anne. and she could be clever, imo. we sell the girl too short

#i also have a complicated enough relationship with charles 👍👍 #anyway . #good nighzzzz #charles ii #james ii #queen anne

[mrkis]

WHEN I TELL YOU I THREW MY PHONE AWAY SCREAMING AT THIS 😭😭😭 I knew it was a moment of realization to him. I just knew it.

The whole chapter pulled on my heartstrings and I felt for him, the ptsd from his past relationship, the being cautious of letting anyone in - I get that. 🥺 Honesly, I can see the growth in his relationship with mc, and I love it. Also, the fact that he wants to speak to her and clear shit up, but thats just easier said than done, especially when both of them have trouble speaking out their minds and hearts. Especially, considering how complicated their relationship is because they feel like they are crossing boundaries when they aren't.

Eunbin... that selfish, egotistical, manipulative bitch .... 🙃 I swear to god she is the most unreasonable person ever. I had a friend like her. Constantly making herself the victim of her own decisions, and feeling like its all justified because she felt like it was alright. Honestly, how the hell did she think its okay to leave and that they are fine after having a fight then some stupid make up sex without discussing it with him further??? Jesus thats so selfish and self-rightous behavior 😤😤🫥 He blocked her ass and she still thinks they are fine??? What in the actual fuck?? How is that even an option?? I hate Eunbin with every part of me even more with each next scene ... 🙃🙃 And I bet my ass she would feel like everything is okay after this talk they had and she hugged him ..🤦‍♀️ the audacity tho, he clearly doesnt even want to be around her and she goes ahead and hugs him??? BITCH NO. Step away and get your nasty hands off of him. 🙂 I guess him letting her hug him makes her think she can win him over and they are "fine" now ...jesus... I want to blame Jaemin, for letting her think that, but a part of me realizes he is also very affected and its all happening too fast for his liking. I just hope he is okay after mc leaves him in chapter 5 cause this must be some bad ass trauma. And I hope they finally get to talk it out properly eventually in be it pt3 or chapter 7. But they NEED to talk, like asap.

And to end this on a happy note - JENO BEST BOY ❤️ I swear to god he is everything, the support and understanding - immaculate 🥹🙏❤️ Now if he can get mc and Jaemin to be truthful to each other and clink their heads together so they can finally act normal and SPEAK, I would just kiss him all over. ❤️

THANK YOU CAS, FOR ANOTHER GREAT CHAPTER 😭❤️ I would totally say I cant wait for the next part but ofc take all the time you need but just know I will cry when it drops. 😭❤️ I love twlg so much. Its literally my comfort story which is weird cause it makes my emotions go into overdrive with all the stuff happening but it is. 🥺❤️

the line is one of my favourite lines :> i'm kinda proud of that one! i'm happy that it gave you that type of reaction.. i love it. jaemin is very cautious! i'm happy you mentioned that! he only lets certain people into his personal space, even though he's got a group of friends surrounding him. it was always jeno that was the only one that could come close to him and burst that personal bubble, letting jaemin show his truth feelings and emotions... but that appreciation scene just shows how far him and mc have come and how open (ish lol) he is with her :(

they still need to learn how to have a proper conversation... but i'm lowkey loving how they avoid it because angst <3 annoyance <3 confusion <3

eunbin is...... a tricky character for sure. but she's so fun to write and i'm enjoying including her in more scenes (very excited for pt.3 because there's so much eunbin) she is, however, definitely the type that is able to get what she wants all the time because she has that sweet face and sweet personality that everyone adores. she can come across as very selfish and oblivious which, yet again, i love LMAO. her bringing the angst is just everything. angst is what i like best.

but ah..... i can't wait for you to see how jaemin reacts when he realises mc had left him. it's almost like deja vu.... but yeah! jeno is literally the best. he's so comforting and understanding, he's literally the bestest friend. i want him.

thank you for enjoying twlg and thank you for all the compliments :( i'm very very very grateful

#‣ [asks] #jaehyuns-adorable-dimples ⛧ #twlg: spoilers #fic: the way life goes

[failed-apple]

long rant about thinspo and how i feel about it. so obviously tw for talk about that and also tumblr dont term me for using that word im not proana fuck off please, im allowed to rant (also im really fucking tired so idk if this will even make sense)

to start off im gonna say i have been part of pro ana tumblr and mpa for quite a while in the past, i only started to get to the pro recovery side of tumblr at the end of last year so that might cloud my perspective on this topic a bit.

my relationship with thinspo is complicated. i do realize thinspo is horrible and posting it only fuels other peoples eds, but i still look at it and have a private pinterest board for it because i still want to fuel my ed and get motivated to get worse sometimes. i know its bad but i still do it. but i dont post thinspo anywhere publically, all my shit is in private boards or folders and will never see the light of day since i just dont wanna trigger other people. but to say im completely against it would be a bit hypocritical since i do look at it and use it to fuel my ed. i just dont want other people to do so.

its weird to say im okay with some thinspo since im not really but im more okay with thinspo of people who actually have an ed and have posted pics of themselves to be used as thinspo. what im not okay with is using non ed'd people as thinspo. ive seen pics of eg jessie page and billzo used as thinspo and i hate it. (as well as models, actors and kpop idols but i dont know much about that and dont feel as conected to them so i wont talk about that now but it also makes me feel wierd)

jessie have posted pics of themself in the past when they were really bad and i get why people get triggered by them, but now shes fully recovered and talks a lot about their ed and to me it feels wierd that people use her old pics as thinspo since shes so openly recovered and pro recovery. billzo on the other hand hasnt got an ed and never has, hes just naturally skinny and has even said hes uncomfortable with that hes skinny so to me it also feels wierd to use him as thinspo. ive seen people say that you cant be upset when someone uses a well known person as thispo cause all other thinspo is of real people as well but i feel like theres a big difference between just normal pictures of a skinny person vs actual body checks posted as thinspo by an anorexic person. i personally think body checks are much more triggering anyways and i just feel morally wierd about purposefully using pictures of non disordered people to trigger yourself. ofc with people like jessie not everyone knows who she is and i get that other people who have posted thinspo might also be recovered, but when people tell the person who posted the picture that the person in the pic is recovered or just not comfortable with being thinspo why wouldn't you take the post down. same with non disordered people, if they look ed'd to you fine, but as soon as someone tells you that theyre not and possibly have stated theyre not comfortable with being used as thinspo why would you keep defending the post? just take it down. and i get thats never gonna happen, people are always gonna use whatever pics they find as whatever they want, this was just my thoughts. if you want to argue with me about this feel free but i dont think im gonna change my mind. and i also get being so deep into your ed that you dont care. i get why pro ana is a thing. ive been there and i hate it. if youre pro and reading this (witch i doubt anyone who got this far or even saw this post is but still) if youre pro rn please try and see that first of all eds are terrible no matter how much that voice tells you theyre gonna make you happy and second of all making other people worse wont make anything better and third of all pro recovery side of tumblr is so much better.

and if your reasoning is "well they posted it online, its free to use as whatever you want" fuck off. i dont care. suck my dick

tltr: im kinda okay with using disordered peoples pics as thinspo if theyve stated theyre okay with that or have posted body checks to be used as thinspo. im not okay with using non disordered people as thinspo. there are a lot of actually ed'd people who like being used as thinspo so if you have to use someone else to fuel your ed use them.

but also if thinspo wasnt a thing i probably would be better off so never mind, fuck all thinspo

#apple rants #long post #idk if i should tag this #im not gonna

[abcdosaka]

1oh and im making my second attempt at reading gideon the ninth. its actually good idk maybe i just didn’t have the brainpower to focus bc of school and other distractions before so i had a hard time, but even though its complicated its really not as complicated as i remember. i like gideon (since i just watched succession ofc i have to make this comparison) she reminds me of roman. except maybe not as insecure and weird. but maybe she is i would not hate that. anyway shes charming and i actually really like the how the dialogue is modern but the world is so out there and weird. and i like the religious themes. ive always found that shit so mystical

also tamsyn muir is a sick fucking name for a scifi author

[t-urbulence]

i had such a long ass dream, lets do this.

so there was this dystopian world where like people thought that in a certain time of the day (from like idk 8-17 oclock) the sun was toxic or sum shit, so then this way a group of people could like control most of the country (this was in the UK)

and so i was a part of this resistance group who knew the truth and was trying to survive outside what the ruling group would allow society and if they found anyone knowing the tRUTH ABOUT THE SUN they would like, kidnap them or sum shit.

so i was actually kidnapped, and i was both like the POV character and somebody else, so it wasnt me me, i was just looking through the eyes of a character but i will talk in first person for simplicity's sake.

so i was kidnapped and i was forced to be the partner of this like awful person. at first it like mixed up with like weird stuff from my personal life, like my sister and i were there in a big bed and there was my grandma who didnt allow us to leave and we couldnt use our phones or whatever.

but then it was just this one story where i had to be the partner of this guy and in the beginning there were very strict rules, i couldnt go anywhere and do anything. and i tried to find people who i could trust who could maybe help me get out.

and eventually i found this one weird sewage pipe where i could go and there were no guards and i just found a bunch of like, passageways and dangerous traps and eventually a pipe leading outside this community where i was trapped. so i was like okay, i cant run away just like this, i have to prepare and be smart about it so i went back but then the paths i had to take were so complicated i was scared i wouldnt remember them.

anyway, i kept checking out this place and at one point there were three women in that sewer and one of them was called Anna who was a doctor from my old resistance group and i was like omg thats so cool you guys are here, lets plan a thing.

so we made plans that they would come back in a few days when i would be prepared to leave. i had to draw on a paper some weird arrow directions that was secret enough that people wouldnt suspect what it was for if i was caught with it.

so by then i had some allies in the community but they were all kind of useless so i was just like okay, this is when we meet in the sewers, dont do anything else just let me make the preparations and then we can leave.

but then i think i had to flee beforehand because my evil boyfriend did sumn so i had to like, run away, and i made it through these pipes and out to where i could leave but ofc i was too early so the doctor lady wasnt there yet.

still, i manage to get out to this mountain road and then run and run and run.

eventually i was found by some people who were ALSO my resistance group (but theres a plot twist later) and one of them was my boyfriend! my real good boyfriend! and so they took me to a place and everything was nice but i had to tell them about the community and we had to make plans to attack them and free the people there so i ended up having to ~~go back.

now this is where it got a little muddy, i dont remember the exact chronology or how the locations were exactly placed, but i ended up having to go back and build a small HQ area where we could meet with my group and make plans and shit. also there was a robot girl who i had a crush on? no idea how she fits into the story but she was cute.

also there was a bunch of toxic waste around at the end of the pipes with like dangerous fish and you couldnt fall into it bc then you get like, acided. this comes into play later.

so we had to act like i was rescued by the evil community when i went back because then i acted like my old friends tried to brainwash me into going back to them and so i realised that my evil boyfriend was my saviour <3 and this is how i started pretending to actually be in love with him so id get more freedom, and because it had this set-up he believed me more, like he believed i was so mentally weak that being brainwashed by my friends would chase me back into his abusive arms.

right. makes sense. so there were a few times our HQ was almost discovered because there was this vent that lead to the outside and we had to open it sometimes to get some fresh air in these sewers but then a car drove past exactly when we opened it and then we quickly closed it but they still saw the vent and we could only hope that they wouldnt like. check out what the vent is leading out from.

okay so essentially at this point i was given a LOT of freedom by evil bf and unfortunately the community expanded so that the pipe would no longer lead outside the community to the mountain road but that area was also built in by the community so even leaving through there i was still in the community.

i ended up leaving another time somehow and i was like maybe i should just give up on my friends in the community and this whole place and just not try to defeat this awful ruling group because it turned out that this was only in the UK and my old group was actually in spain now. well, it was actually andorra but the map i was looking at in my dream looked really wonky but now that im checking it the area they circled for me does kind of positionally fit where andorra is irl.

ANYWAY here i was actually chased by my evil bf because he thought i was kidnapped again so i had to act like i was and had to leave my group so i couldnt accidentally lead my bf to them. so when i was found i had to like cry and be like omg you saved me ;;;_;;; to my bf.

but then another time when i was trying to leave, i was actually discovered by some guards and i had to like, drop fucking EVERYTHING, i had to destroy the HQ (I was there alone at the time) and throw stuff into the toxic water so they couldnt use it to find my resistance group. but then i didnt have time to go back to the safe routes of the sewer and i had to jump into the toxic water and there was this huge chase like in the Stray video game where i had to dodge shit and stuff.

so i ended up running back to this safe place in Andorra, presumably x) and i was like ok im here now forever, fuck the community, fuck my friends there, its just too much.

PLUS by this time it turned out that the Doctor actually broke off from the original resisting group and they were our enemies now too. so why those two were fighting i left to this safe place which was a huge decrepit palace. it looked kind of awful on the inside but there were nice people there, an old lady, more girls like me, etc etc so we made it work.

but then one time, the palace was discovered and i had to run again. i was trying to hide in this really far backroom of the palace but i knew that if my pursuers really do look in every room they would discover me.

so i climbed out this really high window and there were these balconies and some huge trees branches would cover some of the roof and the balconies so i was like maybe they wont think to look out here. and on one of the balconies was a woman with her baby just kind of sitting and singing to the baby and gently rocking it to sleep.

and it turned out that she was someone also rescued from the evil community. and she was impregnated by an evil person as well and she was kind of left traumatised after it, obviously, and i was scared that if the evil people look out to the balcony, she would betray me because she was kind of mentally unwell, and maybe she would blame me that i ended up not being able to rescue my friends etc.

so i had to like really threaten and intimidate her in a cruel way, that id like kill her baby if she betrayed me ;;__;;and then i hid in a little nook of these balconies and started praying that i wouldnt be found.

#dreamingoutloud #that was my dream tag right #personal #idk where it came from it was so coherent (for a dream)