#but what about Crowley treating them at the ritz? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedemonknownasbilly · 5 months

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Awesome!

If you're willing, could I request headcanons for Aziraphale x Crowley x gender neutral reader where reader is chubby and insecure about their appearance?

Oh, Darling - HC for Ineffable Husbands with Chubby!Reader

Absolutely! Sorry for the delay, it was around midnight for me when I replied to the first anon, and I was just knocked out right after!

Ineffable Husbands x GN!Reader

Any and all pet names/compliments are meant as GN!

Mentions ED/Skipping meals (that’s more of a personal touch on my end as someone who is a bit curvier than average)

So let’s cover how they treat you separately, since as much as they try to be, they aren’t always attached at the hip.

Crowley

To be honest it took him a minute to even notice, ethereal (occult) beings don’t typically fuss or pay attention to “human flaws”

You guys would have met at the park bench, he was waiting for Aziraphale, and his was the only bench with a spot open.

“Could I sit here?”

“Hm?” He’d look up from his newspaper and will any blush on his cheeks to discorporate “yeah, yeah, he’s running late so I’m sure I’ll be leaving soon.”

You’d start talking to the ducks, and he was a goner, slowly joining in your conversation and just having a grand time with you.

When Aziraphale finally showed up, Crowley left you his number and told you to text him the next time you wanted to talk about anything.

He gushed about you and your knowledge of ducks to Aziraphale, who teased his husband over this crush.

After a good thousand texts, a few hang outs, and Aziraphale’s okay after a lengthy conversation, Crowley asked you out, and ofc you said yes.

He absolutely adores your curves, never seeing them as a flaw.

Won’t stand for any blasphemy you might have to say against it.

He will happily curl himself around you, slender fingers on your hips as he adorns you in kisses.

He notices some days you’ll shy away from his touch, and he never wants you uncomfortable.

But one day you had shied away all day, (he always kept track) he’d even say you were almost flinching from his touch.

This worried him, every situation he conjured in his head was that he had upset you or maybe that you didn’t even love him anymore.

So it certainly made you have to repress a sad giggle when you saw those sad yellow eyes look up at you as he asked, “is there another?”

“Never in a million years, my darling.” And with that he relaxed and sat beside you, noticing how you pressed yourself to the side of the couch.

“Then what’s with this, why won’t you let me touch you..?” He was always big on boundaries and respect, but usually he was given a sort of heads up, not just thrusted into a new rule.

“It’s silly…”

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”

You’d go on to explain everything, how you’d always been the bigger kid, how the curves and rolls of your body often were topics of things your exes hated about you. The bullying, the lack of food, the unaffordable research on surgery even. “But even then, I’m scared you’ll realize I’m not worth the pain that a human comes with if I’m not attractive enough.”

Crowley listened intently, he always would, but he couldn’t deny that he hated what he was hearing. “Let me touch you, please.”

And when you shyly nodded, his hands were on your thighs as he surged forward and pressed his lips to yours.

“I don’t give two fucks about human beauty. You’re perfect for me.” He’d growl out as he moved to kiss down your jaw and neck, pressing his lips to every stretch of skin he could reach. “Think I give a fuck? Really? Ask Aziraphale how much we go to the Ritz, think to every time I’ve asked you. At first I figured it wasn’t your cup of tea. Not that you were treating yourself so downright wrong.”

You couldn’t help to giggle at that, and he looked up at you. “I would really like to go to lunch with you, and if it helps, we can invite the angel.”

Having Aziraphale there did help, he was enjoying his food without a care in the world for any leering eyes, and you did the same, blushing as your boyfriend adored you and his husband.

He was always there, especially now that he knew, always behind you when you stood too long in the mirror, hands on your hips as he’d whisper praises and compliments into your ear, making you repeat a few on the worst days.

Aziraphale

Once again, Aziraphale would hardly count it as the first thing he noticed. He certainly wasn’t the most slender figure himself even by human standards.

You two would meet at Maggie’s Record Shop. He was there to pick up something new and you were browsing for your favorite CDs to be on record.

He was thrilled to see Maggie have a customer and swore than if he had put a heart into his form that it would be pounding out of his chest.

He’d hurry to the Record Shop every time he saw you in the windows, finally after four run-ins, you introduced yourself to him.

You would be the only person regularly allowed into the bookshop.

Crowley had met you numerous times since, and he even encouraged his angel to ask you out. So Aziraphale finally did.

He soon found his favorite spot was to have his head on your lap, your fingers scratching against his scalp as you two would listen to whatever he’d put on the record.

He noticed one day though when you seemed to be fidgeting before he laid down, and it took him a moment to realize you were trying to make yourself look smaller.

“My darling, what are you doing?” He asked carefully, sitting beside you and placing a hand on your thigh.

Something about such a simple question and gesture made you break down, explaining how you wanted to be perfect, that you wished you looked more like Crowley did so that these treacherous thoughts would leave your mind.

Aziraphale was concerned, feeling a twist in his stomach as he carefully pulled you onto his lap, a position you tried to protest, but when he whispered out a “for me, please,” you couldn’t say no.

“My darling, having one of Crowley is more than enough. I’m quite happy to have you as you are, wouldn’t dream of asking you to change in any way.”

He’d listen to every thought you had, giving you all of his attention as his thumbs trace circles on your thighs and hips, and when you were done, he’d counter every argument with his own, explaining gently that he had truly never paid much attention to your own weight, that it was your soul and personality he adored.

“But you are quite gorgeous, I found myself aching to see you everyday before I got to know you. I’d sit right here at my desk, and wait, hoping you’d come back.” He would cup your face as he said that, “I’m not perfect by human standards either, I chose this form, why on earth would I make you change when certainly I could be in a better body for you as well.”

He always watched out for signs of those thoughts creeping back in, but everyday, he’d end it by kissing you everywhere before bed, murmuring praises and compliments against your skin like a prayer.

Ineffable Husbands

You had ventured into the bookshop on a rainy day, noticing a red and black snake perched on a sweater in the warmest spot he could be in.

“Aren’t you adorable?” You’d coo, looking around for anyone to ask before whispering to the snake, “can I pet you?”

At that the snake opened one yellow eye, looked you up and down and nodded, very human like you thought, but you carefully rested a finger against his head, between his eyes, and stroked down his body, watching as the snake seemed perfectly happy with such actions and melted back into the sweater.

Soon the owner emerged from the back, “oh I do apologize, I was fetching some lanterns incase we lost power.” He said, Aziraphale you’d learn his name was, he certainly had a small look of shock on his face when he saw Crowley allowing you to stroke him.

“So,” Aziraphale talked to the snake when you had left hours later, “I take it someone likes them?”

“Me?” Crowley slithered onto the floor and changed forms, “what about you excitedly prattling on and showing them every book of every topic they mentioned. You even let them take one home.”

“They’re bringing it back!” Aziraphale chuckled in an effort of protest.

“Oh, sweet love of mine, I think we both fancy them.” // “Indeed it seems we both do, I hope they spend more time with us soon.”

Months later, you had learned that Crowley was the snake from that day, not being horrified but instead it made you reach up without thinking and gently stroke his hair, if demons could actually melt he was certain he’d be a puddle on the floor of the bookshop, Aziraphale had gone to fetch you a new book, and Crowley trapped you onto the couch, seemingly having no joints as he curled himself around you as best he could; his head on your shoulder.

“Crowley, dear, can’t hog them to yourself now.” And Aziraphale sat beside you, hand on your waist (under Crowley) and a head on your shoulder. “I think it’s fair that we say, well, we like you. The both of us.”

You giggled at the obvious statement and turned to kiss him as his answer, hearing Crowley whine and giving him a kiss right after.

Within the next two months, you had also moved into the flat above the bookshop, which made it easier for your two loves to see just how much you seemed uncomfortable with yourself.

“When’s the last time they ate?” Crowley murmured one day, swearing that he hadn’t seen you eat all day, or the day before.

“A while, I’m worried.” With that, they both searched for you, not expecting to find you curled up under the blankets with tear stains on your cheeks.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” The with sit on the edge of the bed, Aziraphale’s hand stroking your hair and Crowley’s rubbing your back.

“Got in my head…” you’d murmur, striking concern within them as they soon encouraged you to lay in the middle of the bed, Aziraphale to your front and Crowley to your back.

Crowley’s hand never leaving your hips as he pressed kisses to you, “don’t hide from me,” he’d say when he felt you trying to will your body further into the bed. And when Aziraphale finally asked what was wrong, you told them everything from childhood, to today, “I just want to be attractive enough for an angel and a demon, like those other ones are.”

“My dear,” Aziraphale said rather seriously, “you are more than attractive enough, haven’t we shown that?” Crowley still pressing kisses made your mind seem fuzzy with bliss as Aziraphale kissed your lips, seemingly trying to pour every ounce of his adoration into it.

They would spent hours telling you about every part of you they loved, leaving no room for any insecurities, mentally or physically.

“I quite like you at this size, more for me to hold, just like with ‘Ziraphale.”

“And besides, while you may be human, we aren’t, I assure you, Crowley could pick us both up and not break a sweat.”

They’d take turns whenever an insecurity seemed to pop back up on bad days, whichever notice would help you for hours, making sure you never felt less than with them.

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actual-changeling · 7 months

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i know i just posted a 6k+ fic today but have this ficlet from aziraphale's pov as a treat before i disappear for the night.

@dancingcrowley a lil gift for u

In hindsight, it is entirely his fault for getting way too drunk.

"The... point?"

Crowley is looking at him without blinking, his head hanging upside down off the edge of the sofa, his legs hooked over the backrest, and it is either by pure luck or a subconscious demonic miracle that he hasn't slid to the floor yet. His wine glass is empty and has been for a while, probably since around nine when Aziraphale swapped his glass for the bottle and began pacing around the backroom with an increasing frenzy.

"Yes! The- the point of," he vaguely waves his free hand, unsure what exactly he is even referring to, "of it all."

Another swig of red chases the dryness out of his throat and causes his next words to tumble out of his mouth like a glacier-fed waterfall in early spring.

"The point of being here, like, earth, you know?" Crowley does not, in fact, know, that much is obvious from the expression on his face, but he shifts around a little, and that's good enough for Aziraphale.

"She put me in in in the SKY, and then there was WHOOOSH heaven, all white and empty, and suddenly, oh, look, humans! Humaning like, like rabbits or something. All doing things."

Emptying the wine bottle takes him less than a few seconds, heat rising to his cheeks and blushing down his chest, and Aziraphale briefly considers taking his waistcoat off when Crowley flings himself upright and slithers into what can loosely be called a sitting position. In reality, it is closer to what you would get if you put wet spaghetti on a dollhouse chair.

"There's no point, angel," he says, sounding vaguely bored, and maybe it's his growing disinterest; maybe it's the apocalypse that should have happened two years ago but didn't, maybe it's the fact that Aziraphale has been thinking one too many times about the last time God had actually talked to him.

"There fucking HAS to be a point, Crowley. There has to be! Otherwise, what's the- why would I- there wouldn't be a reason to-"

A reason to do good except to be kind, but he could live with that. He can live without knowing Her plan or being able to return to heaven, he can even live without ever hearing Her voice again, not that the last few millennia have ever offered any of that to him.

No, the point is, and Aziraphale has a point, he is sure of that even as the room begins to spin slightly, the point is that if there is NO point, there's no reason to deny himself anything.

...fine, not anything.

Crowley. Without a point, he could have- THEY could have- but they can't because there is a point.

"I just- just can't see it," he finishes out loud, uncaring that Crowley has not been privy to the argument in his head.

"There is a point," Crowley repeats, his voice dipping into a tone he knows from late-night dinners at the Ritz and casual temptations. In the low, golden light, his face is half-covered in shadows, and he sprawls across the sofa like calligraphy drawn with watered-down ink, flowing apart at the seams.

Or maybe Aziraphale's just way too drunk.

"There's a point."

Falling back into his armchair and coming close to immediately sliding onto the floor, Aziraphale tries to settle down and returns the bottle to its place on the side table. Maybe he should sober up and steer the conversation into safer waters, but he is still busy chasing one last question around his head.

What would we do if there wasn't a point?

Who would they be, then?

Crowley is already who he would be, always has been, and the parts of him that aren't are anchor points of the red thread weaving between them.

The real question is who he would be, and the truth is that he already knows the answer.

He feels Crowley's gaze on him, his eyes glinting amber in the relative darkness of the room, and Aziraphale looks back, chews up the bitterly familiar answer on his tongue, and swallows it like he always does.

"Hungry?" Crowley asks, already grabbing his shades from between the cushions.

Aziraphale lingers for a second, watching the smooth flex of his muscles as he pulls on his jacket and the tip of his tongue when it darts out to wet his bottom lip, but he smiles when Crowley turns back towards him with raised eyebrows and concern tight on his face.

"Starving."

#alex writes good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #good omens ficlet #we all live in that cellar with the ox ribs whether we like it or not

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aziraphales-library · 8 months

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heyyy - first off im so sorry if my request fits into one of your general tags 😭 but um, could y'all rec any a/c fics (ace please) where there's miscommunication about feelings and/or a situation on both of their parts (i think there's a tag requited unrequited love that fits) and with a happy ending? preferably 4k plus but whatever you can find is cool - tysmm <33

You can browse our #asexual, #misunderstandings, and #not actually unrequited love tags for fics to enjoy. Here are more...

Communication Skills by ineffablefool (G)

It's become apparent to Aziraphale that there has been some fundamental miscommunication between himself and Crowley as to the nature of their relationship. Unfortunately, Crowley keeps running away every time he tries to set the record straight.

A Rubber Duck by CassandraLie (G)

There is a gift from Crowley on the table. A little box tied with a bow. Aziraphale is absolutely certain what's inside. (He is wrong.)

Falling for the Illusion by elf_on_the_shelf (G)

After a certain Doomsday That Wasn’t, a trial, and a dinner at the Ritz, both Crowley and Aziraphale plan on making their feelings known but severe miscommunications ensue that make them both doubt themselves and the bond they seem to share. Enter Anathema on her quest to make sense of angelic and demonic auras. Maybe that’s the nudge they needed in the first place to get them properly talking.

the taste of dried-up hopes by rattatatosk (T)

He'd thought Aziraphale would understand. They've known each other so long, spent so much time speaking this language of things implied and left unsaid, and the angel is usually so good at reading between the lines. Surely he would hear what Crowley meant now, when it mattered the most. Instead, the angel had thrown it all back in his face. (Crowley is trying to declare his feelings as loudly as he dares. Aziraphale gets the wrong message entirely. They figure things out eventually.)

The Bookshop by st_jimmy_987 (G)

Aziraphale and Crowley, while closer than any other living being in any plane of existence, seem to have two very different ideas of what they mean to each other.

Definitions of Love by organizechaos (T)

Aziraphale thinks that all the abuse and trauma he endured in heaven is ‘love’. After being freed after the apocalypse, the angel is beyond happy. He wants nothing more than to spend eternity with Crowley but the demon is ready to put a name to their feelings. They both know that they care for each other deeply and when Crowley finally has the courage to put it in words (‘I love you’), it sends Aziraphale spiraling into believing Crowley will start treating him like heaven did. "We- we don't have to pretend anymore.” Crowley stuttered out, golden eyes looking frantically about the angel. His sunglasses were clutched tightly in the palm of his hand, “The apocalypse is over, it has been for years. Can't we- can't we say it now?" his voice wavered only slightly. "I don't love you, Crowley." Aziraphale emphasized each word to better help the demon understand. He had never truly loved something in all his years of existence, he didn’t think he was capable. To love another being — especially Crowley... "I could never love you."

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #asexual #misunderstandings #not actually unrequited love #mod d

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ineffable-endearments · 9 months

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There seems to have been a little meta-commentary in Good Omens 2 about priorities.

Priorities? Is that the right term? Well, that's what I'm going with for now.

Anyway, there seems to be some meta-commentary about people's priorities being off. Aziraphale's priorities being off, with the whole cotillion ball. The audience's priorities being off.

Or maybe a better way to put it is that our priorities are premature. There's nothing wrong with them in themselves, but we've skipped some important issues that have to be addressed first.

Think about it - there are so many moments that look "fanservicey" on the surface, but that end up being problematic for the plot (the I'm Sorry dance), a moment of disconnect (the dance at the cotillion ball), or that simply foreshadow the sadness of the ending (Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy playing, but omitting the part about dining at the Ritz).

No, no, I'm not suggesting the creative team tailored an entire section of a story to address fandom trends; they were just telling the best story they could, universally, period. None of that stuff would be in there if it wasn't in the service of something much bigger. I'm also not suggesting that this commentary is a lecture, some sort of condescending finger-wag; more on that later.

But you can't deny that when all the pieces come together, the story resonates with that thing in us anyway - the thing in us that says, "I know it's Armageddon and I know the world is ending, but Aziraphale and Crowley really ought to have a romantic dance about it." And then the story tells us, "Nope. They can't do that yet."

Here's the other thing, though: even as it is told "no," that deep desire to see love as an action, love as the whole point, is validated. It is also treated with kindness and respect. Yes! Even through the sad ending of the season!

Through the dangers that Crowley and Aziraphale face in Season 2, the narrative patiently explains all the reasons why they can't be soft and romantic just yet. Their trauma histories won't allow it. Their world won't allow it. These are real, pressing problems. In fact, they're more real and pressing than I thought they were even in Season 1! Season 2 emphasizes just how much Crowley and Aziraphale were never going to get away from Heaven and Hell without a brutal fight of some kind. At the end of Season 1, I sometimes thought, "Oh, the great bureaucracy of the universe really doesn't care about these two, or even about Earth; if they really wanted to be together, they could be. And maybe Heaven and Hell will just lose interest in Earth." And Season 2 says, "Actually, here are a bunch of scenes demonstrating that they desperately want to be together, and here are a bunch of dangerous situations illustrating why they can't."

But at the same time, the love is there, in both Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley loves Aziraphale so much that he can't think of anything but safety for their new way of life; Aziraphale loves Crowley so much that he simply cannot consider that they haven't arrived at their happy ending yet. That love is the beating heart between our narrative's wings, the purring motor* in our narrative's Bentley. It's there, and it matters. The love matters so deeply.

I don't know. Maybe "priorities" was not in fact the right word to choose at the beginning there. Because there is no implication that there is anything wrong with caring most of all about love. It's just that love is a complicated journey, and you can't skip over the journey part of it.

*(Not my metaphor. Originally from Amy Gravino; too good to leave out.)

#good omens #good omens 2 #go s2 #good omens 2 spoilers

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ygdrasilly · 7 months

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i have a lot of thoughts that have been collating for the last three months about crowley and aziraphale and i'm going to foist them upon everyone now.

this is probably an unpopular opinion, but i'm personally of the thought that of the two of them, crowley is the one out of a/c who is ace/demi leaning, and that he's the one more... i don't know, wary about touch.

there is no argument that crowley loves aziraphale. he does, utterly and completely and stupidly. (so very, very stupidly.) but i also think, much as he might vehemently argue about it, that crowley is more about the romance side of things. he watches richard curtis films. he takes aziraphale to the ritz (and other restaurants) for lunch. he saves aziraphale's books over the alcohol during the bombing just because. he drives aziraphale around in his beloved bentley (and let's him drive it to edinburgh!). he miracles hamlet to be a success as 'his treat'. he takes him to a graveyard so they can laugh at a statue of gabriel together. acts of service and all that.

even his kiss looked as though he had seen it in a romantic film, like that's what he thought you do in desperation. (not that i'm complaining lmao.)

aziraphale, in series two, shows his love through a lot of physical touch and looks. obviously he has the romantic side as well - he turned himself into a sidhe and abducted all of whickber street so he and his beloved could dance together, even giving away one of his books to do so - but he touched crowley a lot this series. the pub chest trail was very. well. and the looks. how many times have we caught him either looking crowley up and down or outright leering at him? there's a reason why i keep saying 'rip crowley when aziraphale gets his hands on him again' because goddamn. the whole 'there must be... something... i can do for you?' in 1941.

aziraphale shows his love through kidnapping an entire street of humans so he can dance with crowley and openly thirsting and starving for crowley ('please, do it again, right now'). but he also does things he knows crowley likes. he lets crowley rescue him, despite being more than capable enough of getting himself out of his own messes, because 'it makes him so happy'. i think he threw the ball for crowley because he knew that crowley likes romance, even if he'll never admit it. he knows what crowley likes ('you like waiting inside!').

looking at the physical touches, i don't think crowley is ever the first to initiate a touch between them, other than the kiss of desperation and the handshake on stage in 1941 (which was for public appearances and was so brief it barely counts). in their private moments, he lets aziraphale come to him. he holds out his hand to aziraphale in the bookshop in the 1941 flashback, but aziraphale is the one to close the distance. when they're swapping back to the actual forms post-heaven and hell trickery, crowley holds out his hand yet again, but aziraphale is the one to take it.

i think, the next time they kiss, aziraphale will have to be the one to bridge the distance between them because i think crowley will be wary of doing so again. and i do not think aziraphale's kiss will be as chaste as crowley's was.

this got away from me a bit, but my (original) point is that a/c doesn't need both of them to be full of lust (as i've seen in a, frankly, exhausting amount of fics) for it to be a fulfilling, love-filled relationship. aziraphale obviously has enough lust for the both of them, and crowley has all the genders. balance. or something.

(and once more, ace/ace-leaning people don't necessarily not experience sexual attraction. for a lot of people on the ace spectrum, it's about finding a person with whom they have a meaningful emotional connection, and aziraphale is that to crowley.)

#you’re free to disagree with me ofc but these are my thoughts on the matter #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good omens #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #*my post #catabasis #good omens meta

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knaccblog · 9 months

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If you really think about it, both Crowley and Aziraphale are basically confessing their love and asking the other to spend forever with them in that final scene but in such entirely different ways that they both ended up feeling rejected by that offer instead. It's kinda masterful to be able to write that tbh.

Crowley's offer is relatively open in it's romance even though he doesn't quite get all the way there. The intended message is somewhere along the lines of "We're an us and I would like to be that us forever" and "We can be just like that other Demon and Angel couple who were clearly in love, if you'd like."

I feel like before Aziraphale started talking about rejoining Heaven, his confession didn't necessarily involve running away even. After all, he'd wanted to go to an alcoholic breakfast at the Ritz just moments ago, he loves his plants and his car. He definitely loves Earth, he just loves Aziraphale more and he wants to keep him safe. And the thing he wants to keep him safest from is Heaven, who tried to destroy him and treated him poorly for years. Crowley knows with everything that he is that Heaven is cold and cruel and heartless but no matter how hard he tries to explain that to Aziraphale, he never understands. He'll never give up on them. So they literally have to leave behind everything else they both love to be together and safe but Crowley will do that without a second thought because he loves Aziraphale the most and he wants to spend forever with him.

And while it's possible? I personally feel like Aziraphale didn't entirely miss the romance of Crowley's proposal, but considering what Crowley is also rejecting with it (his own redemption, the goodness of Heaven, a chance to make the world a better place, the safety of not being outsiders, and trusting Aziraphale to make a good choice for the two of them), Aziraphale literally feels burned by it. How can Crowley not want these things? How can he not believe in these things? It breaks Aziraphale's heart.

Aziraphale's proposal, on the other hand, is more subtle in it's romance but it's definitely there. He frontloads it with what he's the most excited about which is Crowley being reinstated as an Angel. I wrote a whole thing about this here but basically, not only does Crowley being an Angel again really make everything about Aziraphale's worldview a lot cleaner, but he also feels like it's something Crowley desperately deserves. Aziraphale's true offer, once he gets the whole thing out, involves them together and safe as Angels in Heaven, doing Good, keeping the Earth safe and protected, forever. If you really pay attention, the longer Aziraphale talks about his "job offer" and tries to sell it to Crowley, the less he is being shy about what he's really, really asking for. It becomes all, "Come with me" and "*We* can make a difference" and "I need you." It's all trust and love and forever.

But unfortunately for Aziraphale, there is basically no way Crowley can hear this offer and not experience it as confirmation of his worst fears: That he's not good enough for Aziraphale. That Aziraphale can't love him how he is currently. That Aziraphale just needs his help, rather than cares about or wants him. That Aziraphale still doesn't, after all this time and evidence, understand how horrible Heaven is. That this whole time, they've just been an arrangement after all. It breaks Crowley's heart.

#good omens #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #ineffable partners #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #good omens crowley #GOS2 Spoilers #My GO Thoughts and Feels #trying to post more of these wish me luck orz #also I know no one reads these but I'm just gonna say thank you for all the lovely responses to my last meta here like a fool #maybe I'll be brave and respond to some of them soon but we shall see #don't mind me

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youidiotwecouldbeenus · 6 months

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THE MISUNDERSTANDING

I said this one imma say it again

Azi's POV:

"Okay, what is The Metatron doing here? Crowley? Are you sure I should go? Okay I'm going. Wait... I don't want to go to heaven, why would I go? I don't like it there, they treat me very badly and Crowley's a demon I can only spend time with him down here. I want to tell him how I feel because I'm pretty sure I made him fall in love with me with the whole ball and dancing thing. It worked for Jane, it'll work for me right? Wait what? Crowley and I... together... in heaven? We could make it a better place! And he'll be happy! He'll be happy again! I can make him happy again by making him an angel! YES! OF COURSE! I'll tell him real quick"

Crowley's POV:

"Sigh... The Metatron? What do they want? Nah it doesn't matter you can go. I need some rest so do you, Angel. We can dine at the Ritz again! Ooh yes. Alrighty imma tidy up for him and I'll invite him for a dinner. Yes? That could work. Yes. Yes. What if I played our song in the car? It would be so romantic! Wh-what are these humans doing here again? They're in love they can be together, they're not on opposite sides they have time they can be together forever right? That's something we can't do"

Azi:

"He said I could appoint you to be an angel, Crowley! We can be together! I'll be happy because you'll be on my side! You'll be happy as an angel! The Earth would be safe, we can save the humans so they can be happy! Isn't this great? Together, forever...happily!"

Crowley:

"Okay so uhhh it's time to tell him. Yes. Yes. I-uh. How do I put this together.... What do you mean hold that thought? I can't take it anymore my heart's racing! .......HE SAID WHAT? WHY CAN'T YOU SEE, ANGEL? WE CAN'T FALL INTO THAT TRAP AGAIN? We shouldn't join them we need to GET AWAY from them! Aziraphale, you can't. They didn't help us, they didn't help anyone, we were on our own all this way. On our own side. Angel, we need to be together. Tell me you said no! What? NO YOU DIDN'T! Aziraphale? Oh God no. No. It can't end like this! I LOVE YOU STAY WITH ME. Oh no. It's pointless now. Whatever I tell you you won't stay. I'll try... It's pointless but I'll try. Aziraphale, we've known each other for a hellofa long time. 6000 years. And more. We've spent so much time together. We've been on this planet for a long time, and we saved it once. They didn't do anything wrong . Neither did we. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We're a team ... A group of the two of us... A pair... A couple.... WE LOVED EACH OTHER and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't! I did, don't lie to me, you did too . I mean the last few years ...no not really. And even though it's pointless saying it now but I'd like to spend... The rest of eternity....with you . But it's pointless now isn't it. But I mean if those two idiots, the Archangel who hurt you in the worst ways possible and Lord Beelzebub, a DEMON could do it what we always wanted and what we needed .... Then why can't we? why can't we?"

Azi:

"Wait... no? What are you talking about? You want to go away now? We have a chance! You can be happy, we can save everyone, together why are you running away now? Come with me to Heaven! We can change it! i can change it! For you....for all of us"

Crowley:

"angel.... You wouldn't.... At least not earth! Not your bookshop and all these beautiful things on this planet.... If you leave me...at least don't leave this"

Azi:

"Oh Crowley! All this doesn't matter to me! You are the only one I need! I don't need fancy things I don't need anyone but you! Nothing lasts forever, I can give it up! For you! For all of us"

Crowley:

"Nothing....nothing? You don't.... you can't.... they lied?....Even us? We won't last? You don't love me anymore? You're so wrong. One thing will matter to me. And that one thing will last forever. My love for you. But maybe I was wrong... No, I don't suppose anything lasts forever in your eyes...But if you need this... you can go. If you want that you can go. I'll wait here . I won't go anywhere. There isn't any point of my life without you, Angel. I'll wait for you. Good luck."

Azi:

"Wait... good luck? Crowley, come back! I can't do it without you! This is for you! I'm doing ot for you, for us, for everyone! I-I need you! I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do here, don't leave me! okay. You get it. And you don't want to come. One thing always works: there's nothing more to say! LOOK, I'M OFFENDED! BE HURT! Crowley come on! You always come back don't you?"

"Listen... do you hear that?

I don't hear anything. What's the meaning of this?

That's the whole point, angel . I can't hear them. The nightingales. It's quiet. It's nothing. That's what I am without you."

#good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #david tennant #neil gaiman #michael sheen #aziracrow #season 2 #ineffable divorce #good omens series 2 #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens show #heartbreaking 💔#Sigh #That's how I see it

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avocado-writing · 9 months

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thinkin about nightingale’s job in the tltdatsib universe and how it’s a very lucrative one. like you’re the big spender in that relationship. aziraphale makes approximately fifty pounds a month at the shop and that’s begrudgingly, and crowley is too pretty to have a job. you’re the one who gets the little treats; you buy crowley his little outfits and aziraphale his little snacks and you’re always so happy with the way they light up when they receive them, as if they’re surprised every time that you thought of them. but who wouldn’t love buying them things? they’re so wonderful, after all. and they do so much for you, protect you, keep you entertained and loved. you never want for anything when you’re with them… so you’re the one whos always happy to pay for the sushi lunches and boozy afternoons at the ritz.

they’re your trophy husbands. that’s what I’m saying here.

#Fic: the light the dark and the spaces inbetween #crowley x reader x aziraphale

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phantomram-b00 · 7 months

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To Hell with you

So, I was listening to songs. And then an epiphany hit me hit me harder than this fixation of the show; what if…the roles were reversed? Like what if Azirapahle first said no to the promotion yet Crowley said yes instead? I think I saw a fanfic that did this (I don’t remember) but I wanted to take a crack at this, and I feel like I want to cry myself so imma do a fanfic of it, hope you enjoy. And if you still haven’t seen good omens season too, this will contain that so uh spoiler warning ahead. Have fun!

Aziraphale was just done talking with Nina and Maggie just a while ago whilst Crowley walk away; while profusely apologizing for the whole ordeal both for last night and overall, they did give him advice on his love life. Something he never thought he could describe it given their status from their opposing side, but he’ve been in love with Crowley since 1941, so the label wasn’t exactly far off. But nothing official, and thanks to their advice, he though maybe they can? Why not? To hell with both parties that been trying to separate them for millennia now they’re on their own side.

“Right! Let me at least tidy this up before he comes” he spoke to himself while he put some books in their respective spots as well covered the symbol on the floor and make sure nothing was out of the ordinary. Oh ironic given their day to day life on earth. As he does so, he start preparing for the talk as he turn the sign on the front to “very closed”

“Okay, so Crowley!” He chuckled as he talks to himself yet again. “There something I must tell you about, I think it been long overdue for the past 6000 years at this point. And I know I’ve told you you go to fast but-“

He shook his head throwing away that thought like a piece of crumbled paper. That won’t do at all.

“Crowley! Wily serpent! I believe there are thing to be discussed about if that all the same to you…” he said as he put the Jane Austen book in order since Gabriel- err Jim decided to put them away separate by the first sentence they start it. Oh how problematic that organization was it nearly discorperated him the second time. “So we’ve known each other for quite a long time, at this point in time we can even guess each other sentences or predict other moves like Agnes Nutter.” He laughs. “W-well, what I’ve been meaning to say is, w-well, remember when I told you you go to fast? Well, I think I want to retract that statement since I think we can go fast, faster than a rollercoaster as Buddy Holly said-“

He again shook his head, and threw that idea away. But he blushes just thinking about Crowley, how he does want them to make it happen finally, been waiting since 1941 or maybe even longer; his mind begin to wonder around, become a habit for him at this point. He began to think about their life, all the time they’ve been together. Always a risk to be together but deep down, Aziraphale would take that risk all day to see Crowley, the one person that didn’t treat him like an annoyance or dare judge him but instead treated him like an equal, the one person that he would rather dine at the ritz and go on many restaurants with, the one person that he would maybe one day want to live with for all eternity. That feel more like heaven in his eyes than the actual place. In retrospect, he wished if it wasn’t for their side that maybe they could been more braver. Or at least he could’ve been. But he had a smile, maybe they can be now? And they can make up for lost time? And maybe one day, they can move into a cottage? Oh he can never be bored of living with him for all eternity. It make him more giddy just thinking about that possibility.

“Crowley!” He started again. “We need to talk, but I think maybe, this would be best suited if we go to St. James park? You’ve always love that place with the ducks. We can get frozen peas. And we can talk as we sit? Or if you prefer, we can dine at the ritz? I can feel an reservation was just open for two” he giggles while hugging the first edition Jane Erye by Charlotte Brontë. “Or maybe, we can talk here, and have drinks? I’ve got an expensive—“

Ding

Aziraphale look at the door and see Crowley back, couldn’t content his smile even if he tries.

“Crowley!” He said putting the book down and walking over to him.

“Angel” said giving him a smile back in return. He take off his glasses to reveal his Sunny eyes. “Listen angel, there something I need to talk to you about.”

“So do I!” He chuckled lovingly whilst look at his sun. “funny how two minds think alike, but I think first I would like to ask you if-“

“Hold that thought for just a moment angel,” Crowley said as aziraphale stopped his laughter. “Listen, Shax and I talked.”

“I’m quite aware, seen you guys had much to talk about despite what the stunt she pulled.” Aziraphale spoke. “Nearly started a war.”

“Right yeah, uh, so, during the talk, she granted me something. And, well, okay cutting to the chase here angel, she want me to be Duke of hell.”

“Oh.” He said taken aback. “Surely you said no didn’t you? I mean you always complained about how they’re the worst and not to mention that they even have a sign on not licking walls? Frankly you saying…”

He stop to look at Crowley face, reading it carefully like it was one of his books. Only this time he does not appreciate this sudden twist.

“Crowley please tell me…” he choked out. “Please..”

“Angel, maybe I can make this right. If I’m Duke of hell-“

“Oh Crowley” he look away running his finger through his white hair. He then lightly laugh. “Please tell me this is one of your devilish jokes you wily serpent!”

“Shax said…she said I can even bring you down to hell with me. We can make hell nicer, no, we can make hell a better. We can even maybe prevent whatever is happening—“

“Ohhhhhh! Crowley I thought you were better than this.” Aziraphale said choking back the tears. “You should be better than that Crowley!”

“Angel—“

“If I didn’t need heaven then it fairly certain that I don’t need hell neither!” He paced around trying to calm himself but avoiding his eyes. “You know Heaven told me to come back to them with a promotion to be supreme angel before this whole Gabriel and I said “no I will certainly not go back to you” and you shouldn’t neither.”

“Well of course you said no angel, heaven are a bunch of self-righteous arseholes and certainly no better than hell I’ll tell you that much.” Aziraphale face continues to be horrified. “But hell, I know hell isn’t the best neither but angel, if you’re by my side, we can make it better.”

“Crowley are you realizing that if hell ends life here on earth it be just as dead as if heaven ended it.” Azirapahle said this time he open the flood gates and tears are streaming down with his voice cracking. “Crowley… tell me you said no.”

Crowley tries his best to choke back his tears too. Seeing his angel distraught was the last thing to see. The last thing he ever wanted to do. He look away from aziraphale feeling his heart growing heavier the more this conversation prolongs.

“Crowley…?” Aziraphale said not even trying to wipe his golden tears away.

“Angel. Maybe I can make an actual difference. I can try to stop it.”

Aziraphale shook his head, he was too shocked yet to upset to form any form of a sentence. His glossy eyes was enough for Crowley to start his water works, he look away once more. Aziraphale turn around and let out a sigh.

“Right guess you got everything out then, it my turn to say my piece—“ despite this, Crowley waited patiently. “We’ve known one another for quite a long time. We’ve been on this planet more than the human that roam on earth. We can always rely on one another and we can or at least I had hoped we trusted each other. We’re on our own side as you said even four years ago at the ritz. To hear those words was more heavenly than what heaven could’ve ever offered to me.” He feel his heart growing heavier. “And I would love it if we—“ he stop again as he feel his tear roll down his cheeks once more. “Crowley, how is it that Beelzebub and Gabriel can go off to Alpha Centauri, the place you yourself have been dying to run off, then we could too right? Just the two of us.” Crowley wanted to smile, but he was too distraught himself to bring himself to do so. “You’ve always said, that we don’t need heaven or hell, they’re toxic Crowley! We can still run like you always said, we can even go to Alpha Centauri with them” Crowley shook his head repeatedly. “We can— what why are you saying what is it?” He said showing curiosity and concern.

“Angel then come with me. I can run it and you can be right by my side. We can make a different please.” Crowley said pleading now. He want to cup his hand on his face wiping away those golden tears, but even when he toke a step, aziraphale toke a step back shaking his head.

“You can’t leave—“ me. “You can’t leave this bookshop.”

Crowley would never want to leave him alone. He would do anything to stop time just to stay in this bookshop for all eternity with him, basking in their love they been so desperately trying to achieve. To listen to angel’s ramble of a book he know he read for the millionth time. To have quality time with him whether it just them drinking wine or even just them holding each other in their embrace while they listen to classical music to bebop as azirapahle would call his taste. But that not what he said did he?

“Oh Aziraphale..” Crowley said giving a sadden smile. “Nothing last forever.” He wanted to kick himself just for saying those fatal words. The words that finally push azirapahle over the edge as now he can’t hold back. He hold his hand in his face as he let it out, just for a moment. Even in that moment, Crowley want to hug him. But he stopped after a moment, as to try to revert back to his calm demeanor.

“No.” He said grabbing his glasses and giving it back to Crowley. “I suppose you’re right about that one.” Crowley look as he see the glasses. Trying to process what he was even doing. “I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.”

He proceed to walk out of his own bookshop.

“Best of luck..” then it hits him. “Angel!” He doesn’t stop walking away. “Aziraphale come back!” Aziraphale turn around, he was completely drained. His angelic happiness is no where to be found in his hazel blue eyes. “Work with me.” He still pleads, even aziraphale let out a sigh as he continues. “To hell..we can be on our side even down there. Doing our own things down there.” Aziraphale wince from that sentence as he look away to avoid his eyes. “I-I need you aziraphale!” He finally said which prompted him to finally look at him. Both their watery eyes met. It felt like time stopped again. Maybe Crowley finally convinced him. Maybe they can be in their side even in hell. Maybe they could make things better. Him and Aziraphale against them—“you have to understand what I’m trying to offer here Angel..”

“Oh I think I know quiet well. Maybe even more than you can Crowley.” He said. But he realize it wasn’t his usual tone. He sounded apathetic. Is this really it? This shouldn’t be. Why does it feel…

“Well. If that the case, is there really anything else to say at this point?” Crowley said as he put on his glasses as his tears starts to appear yet again.

“Listen.” Aziraphale said pointing up. “Can you hear anything?”

“No. Angel what are you trying to…”

“That’s exactly my point. No nightingale.” He said, that was it for him. He feel he can’t hold it back any longer. “You stupid snake. We could have been us.” Aziraphale said emphasizing on the term us. Crowley looked away to let tears run, even closing his eyes to hope it be all over. But then he felt his lapel of his blazer being pull and the feeling of soft lips pressed again his own. His eyes shock open as he see aziraphale. Principality. Angel of the eastern gate. Kiss him. This wasn’t what he expected their first to be, not one where tears are mixing with each others. He wanted it to be more romantic, more on a happier note. One that both can enjoy. Not this. Not when his angel is obviously hurt. Oh Satan, what have he done. He lift his hands couple times but he was able to place his hand behind Aziraphale’s back and kiss back. He felt his head spin around like all the planets he created, can feel like he seeing stars he help create. And here he is, kissing the biggest star he’ve every laid his eyes on.

Soon they pull away from each other, Crowley having to catch his breath, not hiding his cries anymore. Aziraphale just stand there in hope, can this finally convince him? Crowley look at Azirapahle, many emotion can be battling each other, anger, lament, happiness, shocked? Maybe all above.

“I…I…” love you. Do it again. “TO HELL WITH YOU” he wanted to cover his mouth. Why did he let them escape. Where the soap when you need it. Aziraphale let out a silent gasp as golden tears escape him once more.

“I forgive you.” Aziraphale said walking out of the bookshop.

“Wait angel!”

He walks out of the bookshop, he almost push people down, forget for a moment that London can get busy. He look around to try to find him. “Aziraphale! Please, come back!”

No avail. He can’t find him anywhere, no white haired tartan wearing angel. He feel down to his knees.

“What have I done?” He said to himself. His scales emerged feeling intense emotions, he wanted to scream as he feel smoke coming out of him.

“Crowley?” He look up and see Shax. “Right, I take it he didn’t take it well.”

“What do you think?” Shax was gonna talk again before he stop her. He stands up “Right don’t answer that. Let just go.” He said drained. Feeling empty. Betrayed.

“Jolly good. Now I will say, I’ve heard word from upstairs.” Shax said as they walk, Crowley look at her but not in interest but he had to know.

“And what do the holier than thou angel say?”

“Well. Something about ahhh. The second coming as they like to call it. We got a role in this too, so best get a move on” Shax chuckled as she walked as she talked more about this role. Crowley stopped. He turn around just for a moment and see Aziraphale, he was far away about to turn the corner. But he can easily see that he left enough room for him to come with him to walk, the finale plead. He can’t make out what his expression was but it didn’t matter, he look at him one last time. Before he start walking backward and turning back to Shax. Completely disappearing from the crowd. “You know. Pity your boyfriend didn’t come. Me and Furfur were betting on it, guess no matter. We got work to do.” He stopped listen as she went on. He wanted more than anything to just run back to him. He wished he didn’t take this. But part of him felt that maybe he can still try. If not fro earth, for aziraphale. To keep him safe as he try to stop this plan. To stop armageddon from happening once more. Even if that meant he can’t see Aziraphale ever again.

Meanwhile Aziraphale just nodded. Understand this was it. It truly was over. He saw Maggie and Nina walk away holding hands as if God was rubbing salt in his wound. He then see Muriel waving at him in glee. He would’ve wave back in mutual respect but not now. Not today. He just walked away leaving them feeling concern. Aziraphale walked, unsure where exactly he walking to but his feet keep moving so he might as well walk wherever his shattered heart take him. He then heard a radio from one of the stores singing the song. That song meant for them.

Snap

Just like that the song stopped. He continues to walk. Walk as far as he can. As golden tears fall once more.

(Reference for the golden tears and Sunny eyes)

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scoops-aboy86 · 11 hours

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20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @steviewashere, wahoo!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

19.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

68,563.

Which, given that I made the account in January, means I’ve written an average of about 13,713 words a month. 😵‍💫🤓

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things exclusively, except for like. That one itty bitty crossover with Good Omens, but that was more of a thought post on here than an actual fic. All Steddie, with occasional dashes of Buckingham or Ronance.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Love Language and Twice Shy are tied for 1st, which is cute. The latter isn’t really wg related and, amusingly, has fewer comments and bookmarks than the former.

Window, which I swear I will write a part 2 for someday. Probably. I want to, cross my heart, I’m just… easily distracted sometimes.

Office Baking, which is part of a collab with the lovely @hotluncheddie

All About the Bounce in My Step, another one with a part 2 on my WIPs list. The title came from an AJR song that has… nothing to do with the fic really, it was just one of the first songs I heard on Pandora after I finished editing it and needed a title in order to post.

Kitchen Pig. Perhaps the most, uh… “contains mean comments about someone’s weight” of my fics, purely because Tommy and Carol are involved. I was kind of nervous about posting it. Glad I did though.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try! Sometimes it requires a lot of a particular kind of energy that I don’t already have, but I like to acknowledge that someone took the time to leave me some words, even if my response is just heart emojis or something.

If you've commented and I haven't responded yet, it's somewhere on my to do list.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uh… The first chapter of Not Dating, for sure, because it was originally intended as a one-shot. Or maybe Twice Shy because one little reassurance (however genuine and however accepted) is definitely not enough to untangle the knot of Steve’s trust issues. Hashtag thanks Nancy.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ooh, tough one, because I always go for the happy ending sooner or later. (Even with angst, I crave that sweet sweet resolution.) Maybe Seven Christmases though, because the whole thing is so family focused and caretaking and indulgent all the way through.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly, no. I guess I’m doing a good enough job with easily blockable tags and staying in my lane—by which I mostly mean, if I reblog something that sparks kinky thoughts, I put them in a separate post so the people who see it are mostly those who seek it out.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Heh, mostly smut that involves eating too much and getting off to that.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Literally just that one Good Omens post, where rockstar Eddie has brought chubby Steve to The Ritz or something, and Crowley or Aziraphale overhears Eddie calling him "angel" and miracles an extra dish onto their table, as a treat.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. But I don’t lock my ao3 posts, so if they’re being scraped then I guess I am doing my part in making AI weird.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of. That would be kind of cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not a ton, but @hotluncheddie and I have written some stuff back and forth, notably Office Baking.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Steddie! With additional spaces carved out in my heart for Buckingham, platonic Stobin, and platonic Hellcheer.

Ronance is alright, I have nothing against it, but in my heart I feel that Nancy has been consistently in one relationship or another since she slept with Steve in the first season. She’s been through a ton since then, grown up a lot, and become an incredibly different person… I just think she needs some time with herself to figure out who that is and what she wants.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you will?

Never admit defeat, never surrender.

I never mean to leave things unfinished, I’m just, yeah. Easily distracted. I also have a full time job, a partner, and seven furry children… It’s a lot to juggle sometimes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Banging out the tunes story. And then—I read someone describe it this way once, can’t remember when or where—going back over it like a painting and filling in more details, building up the layers until it’s got more texture, like a Van Gogh. Like, when I wrote Trick & Treat, I got most of the way through writing it before going back and working in their costumes. And that became a huge part of the fic! Also, originally I forgot part of the prompt and wrote Steve only getting as far as a downstairs bathroom instead of his bedroom.

Yes, I know, technically I am just describing editing. But I like thinking of it as adding texture.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ugh, settings. I’m usually pretty good with dialogue and what the characters are doing, but I really have to think about where they are.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I only know English and the bare minimum of Spanish to get enough credits to graduate high school, so… Some bits of other languages sometimes, like slang that I’ve verified through online research, and I’ll run things back and forth in Google Translate a few times to try and keep it from coming out too garbled, but eh. If it’s extensive I’d probably switch to italics or special brackets to indicate another language, unless the main pov character doesn’t speak it and isn’t intended to know what it means without an in-story translation.

That’s just what I do, I don’t give a fig what other writers choose to do as long as it’s consistent within each story.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

As a wg kink writer, Stranger Things. In general, I started with the works of one Douglas Adams back in college.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh god, I’m so indecisive… Seven Christmases makes me feel all warm inside, I’m really proud of that one.

I’ve seen this making the rounds lately and everyone I can think of has probably been tagged already, but… @hotluncheddie @tangerinesteve @pearynice @lingeringmirth, no pressure!

#scoops words #scoops scoop #wg steddie

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ayarsi · 8 months

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Good Omentober + Fictober (4)

Good Omentober Day 4 - hell

Fictober Prompt #9 - "I wouldn't do that if I were you." Fanfiction - Good Omens Rating - G Wordcount - 464

Hellish Suggestions

-----------------------

“Crowley.” “Hm?”

Swapping back left quite a weird feeling. Both had a glimpse of what the other’s work environment looked like and how their respective head offices treated them, and unbeknownst to them, both were omitting details of what truly happened.

“Do demons know the meaning of general cleaning?” Aziraphale examined the leaves on the tops of the trees dancing with the breeze. He and Crowley were still sitting on the bench in St. James’s Park.

Crowley snorted at Aziraphale’s question, seemingly pleasantly surprised. “Er, I don’t think so. And even if they did, I don’t think they even care about it.”

“What if I were to suggest that? Well, I did mention placing some greenery in some corners, just to liven up the space a little. Too much black and gray is devastating,” Aziraphale said thoughtfully, turning to face his demon with a cheeky grin on his face. Crowley shifted positions as well so she could face her angel. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” “But theoretically- “Ah-ah. I’m not letting you go back there, angel. Too dangerous. Who knows what they might do to you?”

Aziraphale continued pondering.

While Crowley rambled on about the possibilities of what Hell might do to Aziraphale should he volunteer to be Hell’s interior designer, the angel couldn’t help but agree that it was indeed terrifying to go back down there.

He could manage it of course (could he?), but seeing how much death, decay, hatred, and overall unholiness covered the vastness of Hell just didn’t sit right with him. He wasn’t used to seeing many, any of the damned. He doesn’t even see any souls in Heaven--he had only ever stayed in some of the uppermost floors and never was permitted to visit anywhere else in Heaven.

Now that he knew at least a fraction of Hell’s treatment must have been to Crowley, he doesn’t even know if he should let Crowley go back there. What if the dukes of Hell weren’t satisfied with the trial? What then if they wanted a repeat, a more brutal execution? Crowley would have no hope of surviving. She would be rendered helpless. She would most probably try her best to fight back, but Aziraphale knew Crowley would have the smallest chance of escaping her doom.

Aziraphale couldn’t share any of his fears to Crowley. No, he shouldn’t. He mustn’t.

“Shall I tempt you to a dinner at the Ritz?” “Oh.” Aziraphale silently thanked the heavens for Crowley interrupting his thoughts. He’d normally argue for a little while longer on how angels couldn’t be tempted and that temptations aren’t good and all that, but for now… For now, he’ll let it go. Just this once.

He smiled gleefully, careful to mask his worries as to not trouble Crowley. “Temptation accepted!”

#fictober23 #good omentober #my fic #gomens #gomens2 #good omens #hell #good omens hell #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #st james park #temptation

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champgnesny · 10 months

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started ‘good omens’ a few hours ago and i just finished the first season, so here we have:

“some things about the first season of ‘good omens’ that really stuck with me and i’ll think about forever and ever (amen)”

• the very first interaction of crowley and aziraphale in the garden, mainly the way they crowley talks to him, playfully, but already soft as he can only be with him

• aziraphale covering crowley from the rain with his wing and crowley simply scooting closer

• crowley always listening to queen, love her

• the way every single time crowley and aziraphale found each other felt like i was watching them have a date

• the way crowley walks, she’s just so babygirl

• the style changes during different period of times, it’s just so dear to me idk

• crowley calling aziraphale “angel” like okay we get it you’re in love (i die every time)

• crowley saving aziraphale in france, and then taking him so have his crepes, they are so 💓💓

• crowley always appearing whenever aziraphale needed help, she’s just always there for him yk? they’re everything to me

• they hadn’t spoke in a hundred years and crowley still came, they were still “best friends”

• crowley saving aziraphale books and then offering to get him home, plus aziraphale smile after all of that, down bad fr

• aziraphale giving crowley the holy water himself because he didn’t want him to risk himself even more for something he could simply give him, insane

• “you go too fast for me, crowley” what the fuck

• crowley basically telling aziraphale that everyone else can go to hell and both of them can be happy forever and ever in another galaxy

• “i’m going home, angel (…) and when i’m up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!” are you convincing him, or convincing you, crowley? also aziraphale face when he said this? i was sick

• crowley being a fallen angel just because he was curious about this “ineffable” plan? like if u gonna be that way with him, god, then i don’t want u involved, like let my girl be curious? omfg god forbid he has hobbies! (literally)

• how happy crowley was to see aziraphale again, and saving the agatha book because he wanted to keep something of his (he still didn’t know aziraphale was alive so)

• aziraphale’s fire sword lore lmfao

• “come up with something or… or i’ll never talk to you again!” and crowley looking like omfg no and then doing something immediately 😭😭

• crowley still flirting with aziraphale when he was in the body of that lady, silly man! and the way he leans in and tells aziraphale to leave it (the guard to let them in) to him, hottie!

• aziraphale always kind of accusing people with crowley, and crowley just taking over cause how dare u to treat his bf like that?

• crowley always reminding aziraphale that they could have their own side, just them, and the way that’s more than enough for him ugh

• them switching places and scaring tf out of everyone in hell and heaven, they are so <3

• crowley and aziraphale finally having their very well deserved lunch at the ritz, ugh i love them

“honorable mentions to: the whole anathema and newton plot <3 girlboss and male wife fr!”

by the way, here’s part two of this mini post series in case you wanna check it out! ⭐️

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale x crowley #innefable husbands #david tennant #michael sheen #neil gaiman #idk how to tag this at all

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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LWA: /Does/ Aziraphale build actual relationships with humans? It's an interesting question, because his interactions with Maggie or Nina are not much more intimate than they were with Anathema Device after he and Crowley ran her over. Aziraphale doesn't go to the pub because he wants to /avoid/ people ("this is why I don't go to the pub!"). Gaiman has said repeatedly that Aziraphale is just not that interested in interacting with people beyond a certain point. He's polite and friendly to everyone--which is the point: he's polite and friendly to everyone, including the two guys who threatened him in Edinburgh. Aside from the ball in S2, he doesn't invite humans into his shop to socialize. We know he went to a "gentleman's club" to learn how to do the gavotte, but enjoying a night out is still not the same thing as developing individual friendships. Presumably, like Book!Aziraphale, he was on good terms with various prophets, but even Book!Aziraphale doesn't go much beyond thinking about them with mild fondness. He and Crowley are attached to /humanity/, rather than to individual humans. The flip side of this is that it's not clear that either one of them would be much fun to be around for any length of time! They are canonically reality warpers, they don't exist in time the same way, and beyond a certain point they don't understand human psychology.

I was idly thinking about miracle ethics the other day, which maybe has some bearing on this question. I'm not sure that either the novel or the TV series has a thought-out position on the matter (in the novel, Adam denounces "messing about," but then Aziraphale and/or Crowley miracles up a reservation at the Ritz...which is surely messing about, or is it?). I think everyone is in agreement that in S2, the ball crosses a boundary line once Aziraphale begins overwriting everyone's minds, and both Nina and Maggie call him and Crowley out for treating them like toys. S1 and S2 also suggest that Crowley's interrogation technique is troubling, and it's noteworthy that Aziraphale dislikes it: in S1, Aziraphale objects to hypnotizing Sister Mary Loquacious and at least tries to be kind while questioning her, while in S2 he resists interrogating Gabriel "properly." Crowley's second interrogation in S2 comes across as invasive and even violent, enough so to cause Gabriel pain. By contrast, neither the novel nor the series seems to suggest that there's anything wrong with Aziraphale doing the Jedi mind-warping thing if it's in self-defense. (In fact, it's arguably odd that he /doesn't/ do it in 1793 and 1941.)

LWA!!!✨ hello, hi, been a while! i hope you're well :)

you're right, it is an interesting question! and its boggled me for a good little while - but the conclusion ive clumsily arrived at is that it's kinda as you say and what neil has said, but i do wonder if there's a little bit more to it (at least from how ive interpreted it, anyhow). because whilst i think aziraphale doesn't initially want, need, or set out to form emotional connection to humans, he arguably ends up doing it anyway, and to those humans the connection is indeed meaningful. in time, i think they come to mean something to aziraphale too.

because my thought process on this is indeed clumsy, the points im essentially trying to make are the following:

aziraphale definitely has respect and admiration for humanity - and this is in part due to things about humanity or that humanity has come up with that aziraphale personally enjoys

he indeed doesn't invite humanity into his inner sphere, or actively seek it out (your eg: bookshop and pub), and its his innate benevolence as an angel that manifests as friendliness and politeness

but i do think he does inevitably end up forming connections with certain individuals out of his tendency to kindness and protectiveness, even if he doesn't intend on forming those connections originally

whilst he may not have huge emotional investment in these relationships he unwittingly cultivates, they certainly have meaning to the other party

and whilst he may not feel any deep attachment to individual humans, he does seem to develop more personal sentiment as time goes on.

i think it's fair to say that the bonds, significant or otherwise, that form between aziraphale and individual humans appear to be a byproduct of his kindness and potentially of his protectiveness. that would track, given his perceived original purpose on earth, but i think aziraphale carries out his duty a little more subjectively than was originally intended.

he was sent to earth as guardian of the eastern gate which, by my reckoning, was more to keep danger out of eden rather than to directly protect adam and eve. but he hears they are to be exiled from paradise, will be thrown into the cold whilst eve was pregnant, and gives them his flaming sword as a means of protection. the scene from s1 doesnt show that they converse to any extensive degree, or that there is any significant interaction between them, but from aziraphale's recount of it, it does appear to be out of kindness and anxiety about what will happen to them without it (immediately proved right by the lion sequence). i don't think it would therefore be much of a stretch for adam and eve, retrospectively, to look back on their brief interaction with aziraphale as meaningful, and that there would have been an idle outline of a bond between them as a result; but in aziraphale's part, his connection to them appeared to start and end with this rebellious act of kindness, rather than any deep, personal stake in their wellbeing - again, perhaps just sheer protectiveness over god's first humans (that he helped to design and bring into being?) because to his mind it was the right thing to do.

next that springs to mind is shakespeare; whilst this could be seen as self-serving, i don't think that's entirely the case. it wasn't until shakespeare was whining, "been like this every performance, juliet, complete dud; it'd take a miracle for anyone to come and see hamlet!" that it seems to even occur to aziraphale that he could do something to help. he does push this on crowley to perform, but it is essentially his idea. and actually... what would aziraphale have to gain by it being more popular? he's seen the play and presumably enjoyed it, and whilst popularising it would perhaps mean he could see it again, i doubt he was thinking this deeply about it. instead, i think he just wanted it recognised as an act of kindness. he doesn't outright compliment the play (only compliments burbage), but the fact that he sees it as worthy of being made popular would indicate that it deserves it. the interaction he has with shakespeare didn't form any significant bond, but given shakespeare's exploration of fatalism in his work (especially hamlet), i don't think it's impossible that he would have looked back on this interaction as being potentially linked to hamlet's sudden (?) rise in popularity, even if he didn't fully understand just how true that is. again, a connection that to aziraphale maybe means very little, but to shakespeare may have meant a great deal.

then jumping to current day, aziraphale certainly appears to have possibly his most significant human relationship (as far as we can call it that) in the form of maggie. we know that she has been around the record shop since she was very young, and so has likely known aziraphale all that time, and he does seem familiar with her. it seems that it goes beyond friendly professionalism, or generic fondness; it takes him a while to understand the situation about the rent, and it's largely self-serving to forgive it, but the first interaction we see between them is aziraphale being kind enough to wipe the debt and allow her to keep her tenancy. again, yes, mainly so he has his steady supply of 78rpms, but the way he immediately jumps to "why? don't you like it anymore?", and "well it's entirely my fault for not collecting the rent!" feels like he genuinely at least has some feeling of protectiveness over her. when talking to her in the record store about nina in ep2, he again seems genuinely affected that she's upset, and that he can't quite help her with the issue. now, again, it may not be the case that aziraphale feels anything for maggie beyond fondness, almost like one would for a child, but her reaction on both occasions - and her subsequent protectiveness in kind over aziraphale come ep5 and 6 - indicates that from her perspective, whatever relationship they have with each other holds importance.

(caveat to the above, for anyone else reading - i do feel like there is something more to maggie, which ive half-heartedly theorised about, but may well look further into in the future. in any case, i think there may be more to why aziraphale and maggie have the level of connection that they do - and no, not that maggie is a demon)

there are multiple other interactions he has with humans that kind of follow the same theme. aziraphale seems to act out of perhaps self-interest predominantly, but there is always an element of kindness and/or protectiveness that comes along with it. and no, aziraphale doesn't appear to invite connection with all of humanity/just anyone, but i think this is the point; instead, i think he does evolve to entertain forming connections to certain individuals based on their own merit. i think it would be ever so slightly reductive to consider that he only does this out of angelic, detached benevolence, and instead i think it's a mark of a deeper personal character development; that aziraphale is allowed to form meaningful human relationships because his purpose on earth is no longer dictated to or audited by heaven, and he is free essentially to do as he wants. i don't think it's a stretch that aziraphale has suffered by his ostracism from heaven and the other angels, and other than crowley he has no interest in being friendly with demons; so why not open himself up to connections with the beings that he designed and nurtured, has protected, and has provided him with various means of finding happiness?

moving on to miracle ethics... yeah. the ball was a complete nightmare in this regard; aziraphale may have his ulterior reasons for the ball and it going the way it did (👀 @ crowley), but it is a huge violation in more ways than i probably could talk about and keep this answer length somewhat reasonable. that being said - did aziraphale even intend it to go as far as it does, or is he so furiously driven by his subconscious (?) motive to manifest a further development in his and crowley's relationship that even he is swept away in the tide? he remarks in ep2 that you cant just miracle up love, but instead he could create a situation (inspired by austen - what a dork) where it would happen organically.

there certainly isnt, as far as i recall, any intent on aziraphale's part to play god by assuring that the falling in love of nina will happen, but perhaps more in his own personal excitement for what the ball may precipitate for him and crowley, his power has manifested a bit more than he originally planned or even noticed. nina and maggie's comments about treating them like toys is still true - you could say that about humans setting up their friends or engineering blind dates etc - but i don't think aziraphale ever meant for the scale to be what it was. guests came in through the door in their fancy clothes; there's certainly no indication from aziraphale's perspective that they weren't already dressed like that (if he even noticed, frankly). there's nothing to suggest to aziraphale that humans wouldn't know how to dance the quadrille, and he doesn't partake in any conversations that sound like they are directly lifted from the pages of pride and prejudice. and that would parallel, as you said, his apparent disdain for the forceful removal of control that crowley seems to prefer to use. maybe this is a reflection on it being unkind and therefore against his angelic identification, or a more personal distaste for removal of agency (aziraphale seems pretty adamant in both s1 and s2 that being human comes with choices, even if the context in which he asserts this is... questionable).

as for aziraphale and his little dalliances with miracles being used in self defense; ill be honest LWA, im drawing a blank on when this occurs - other than perhaps the men that turn up in the shop threatening him into selling... is this the scenario you mean? (feel incredibly dim rn, but it's been a long day!)

#i havent proof read this btw - fuck it we'll do it live #getting LWAs really disrupts any ability to blog normally here #is it nervous anxiety or ocd that means i can barely post until these are answered? your guess is as good as mine lmao #anyway LWA IS BACK!!!✨#good omens #ask #flashback meta #crowley meta #aziraphale meta #s1 meta #s2 meta

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archangelween · 5 months

Text

"Satanic Messages"

You know the silly claim that if you play things backwards, you can hear Satanic messages? If you invert the whole show, you get an entire other story.

The first season, forwards, tells you the story of the apocalypse. But if you look at the flashbacks, it literally does tell you the story of the past, before the creation of the earth.

I have "translated" some of the show already, and boy howdy is it raunchy. So. Many. Sexual. Metaphors. I think the entire show, not just the "paintball war in heaven" can be translated into a story about the past.

This is also the key to figuring out some of the second season, because it tells you all the "missing" information. It does also tell you what the last season is about.

I have not figured out how to translate the whole show yet, there are rules. The past seems to be "inverted"; the present only sometimes is: the war in heaven isn't inverted, for example, but the ending scene at the Ritz is. So far I have the following:

People's names have a meaning, that's who they "metaphorically" are. So if a person's name means "rising star", that's Lucifer. That's who they are in the inverted story.

Tenses get weird. I thought it was past turns into future, future turns into past, but it's not that straightforward. It seems to be that the idea is what's inverted rather than a word for word replacement, ie Eden is creation so it's the future apocalypse; stuff about the ineffables' arrangement is a past "arrangement". So the timeline hops around.

Sometimes I turns into you, we to me; them to us; and vice versa, but not always. I haven't figured out the rules. This is probably more of the "invert the idea" rather than direct translation, but again I haven't figured out the rules.

Lies, sarcasm, and sexual inneundo directly translate: sarcasm in the proper forward show is truth in the inverted version, so it does not change. Sarcasm such as "Is that my fault" stays the same, it doesn't get changed. This is because these are treated as "metaphors", which directly translate: they aren't saying what they mean, so when you invert a "lie", it's the truth in the past. This means a metaphor for fucking in the proper forward show means they were actually fucking in the past. There is. So much sex.

I think anything else gets inverted: "This is happening" gets changed to "This is not happening". Happiness becomes hate. Actions get more complicated. Usually the "idea" of the thing is what should be inverted, not a direct "word for word" translation.

Questions get changed to statements, orders get changed to questions. But not always. I haven't figured out what the rules are.

Below is some of what I have translated so far, that I'm happy with. I did not "force" any of this to work, this really is the natural result. If you try doing this and don't get a natural result, that's how you know something you're assuming about the proper show isn't correct.

Excuse some of the odd spacing, I can't get it to function right. I'm going to put it on ao3 for better readability when I get more done, but ao3 doesn't really work well for feedback and collaboration so I'm starting here. Since things are out of order in the "reverse", I also don't want to put stuff on ao3 until it's done so it's in the right order.

In sum: Jesus and Lucifer fucked a LOT, Angel Crowley was born from that accidentally and he ate one of god's apples, god knew he did that and encouraged it but pretended she didn't. Heaven and Hell are an arrangement between Jesus and Lucifer so that they can shirk work and continue fucking, which nobody knows. Jesus and Lucifer swapped places so that Lucifer is running heaven and Jesus is actually Satan, which also nobody has realized. God literally refers to herself as a demon. I am working on some more but Saraqael and Crowley also did make the horsehead nebula, the flashback we saw in s2 was either a second nebula he made or, more likely, it was altered to be Aziraphale instead of Saraqael. They worked together, I think he kept a secret for her, I think that's why she helped in in s2. I'm not happy with those scenes yet though so I'm not including them here. And yes, god and jesus and co really did create the earth in a big bang. Haven't finished that yet, it's not as straight to translate as these ones.

Because the "new angel" Crowley has "god's knowledge", aka the apple, and there is an angel with that name, I am going to use that name to refer to "angel Crowley": Zaphkiel. But canonically, his name is literally "ineffable", god's name.

Before Eden

Cast:

God: Crawley

Az: Satan

setting: the real show is just before eden on the wall, so this is just before temptation in eden.

Crawley: Satan. Master of Hell.

Satan: Fuck off, snake

Crawley: I’m taking the rope to attack the gates of eden

Satan : Rope? Right. Um... uh... Small, dull, bindy thing. Yes. [LAUGHS ] Uh...Oh, must have, uh...must have put it down here somewhere. Um...Forget my own head next. Too bad.

[I think this means there were no stairs, elevator, or escalators, and "the rope" was all there was to get from hell to earth. It also means that Crowley came up with the idea of tempting Eve, he wasn't ordered to do it as he claimed to Aziraphale on the wall.]

------

Ark

Cast:

Shem means the name, fame, aka god: Crawley

Crawley: God

God: Crawley

Az: Satan

Setting: this is just after eden, given the mention of the rope

[Satan walks up to God]

God: Fuck off, Satan. S: God. G: So, stealing my rope. How did that work out for you? disinterested S: Crawley keeps bringing it up exasperated G: Delighted. Terrible idea. Did you hear? I’m building a big boat and filling it with a traveling zoo. S: understatement As you can see, Crawly’s delighted. Creating the animals. Little rainbow. G: All of them? S: Most of them. He’s not especially taken with South America. Or Australia. Or Canada.

G: knowingly Not yet!

S: dreadfully He’s actually going to do all of them. Incredulous You mean, down there, we’re all going to be WORKING?

G: I’m creating everybody else!

S: Including the humans? I can’t create humans.

G: Nope. S: Good. That’s more the kind of thing I expect your lot to do.

G: No, but when it starts, I’m going to take down the old storm, as a threat to kill everyone again.

S: How kind.

G: I judge myself.

S: Your plans are….

G: Don’t say trite.

S: Absolutely. G: Oi! Crawley! Make some snakes! It’s still early, there’s still time!

Little rainbow appears

-------------

Jesus

Cast:

Jesus=angel Crowley, whom I will call Zaphkiel

Az= Lucifer

Crowley=Jesus

setting: at jesus’s death, so this is at angel crowley’s creation?

[no one else around, Lucifer walks up to God]

Zaphkiel: God, no! [fighting with god]

G: silence

Z: Fuck you! I know what I’m doing. Fuuuck!

Jesus: Looking away from the brat, are you? L: Silence, you. J: I left him down there.

L: I made the decision, God.

J: Oh, I’m the other one.

L: Other one what?

J: Person. God was doing it for me, exactly.

L: Well, you’re effable. So which one are you now? The Word? Holy Spirit?

J: Jesus.

S: Ugh.

Z: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

L: I don’t know him. J: Nope. Will be a dull old angel. You cut him off from everything.

L: --- J: He’s a demon. His travel opportunities are unlimited.

Z: FUUUUUCKKKKK J: [no sympathy] Doesn't hurt at all. You know what he’s going to say that’s got nobody pleased? L: “Kill them all”.

J: Oh yeah. That’ll do it.

Z: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

------------------------------

Rome

Cast:

Crowley=Jesus

Az= Lucifer

setting: their first date after jesus, so just before crowley’s creation? their first fuck?

J: Look what I have! Take a sip of eternal life. God: Eternal life, absolutely free. L: God. Jesus. Sarcastically Fancy running into you here. Still the lord, then?

J: What kind of stupid question is that, “Still the lord”? What else am I going to be, an aardvark? L: Fuck off and die.

J: Exactly! I’m here for eternity and salvation! You?

L: Why don’t you try my old orgy? I know they do kinky things.

J: Been there.

L: Oh. Don’t let me tempt you. [J delighted look] Oh, yes. Yes. That’s my job, isn’t it?

-----------------

Wessex

Cast:

Crowley=Jesus

Az= Satan

setting: just before the arrangement, so just after their arrangement/fall?

[satan’s minions shouting to piss off, everyone covered in disease and shit]

S: [sarcastically] Go away. You, God, are not talking to me. Oh fuck. Go away! I will never talk to you!

J: I will find you, your majesty. I have eternal life.

S: It’s me, God. J: Jesus. S: [to minions] What the heaven am I paying you people for?

J: Too bad, boys. You don’t know him. He’s awful. You’re here spreading peace.

S: It’s not some kind of chastity.

J: Yes. You’re, I don’t know, fomenting peace and tranquility. I’ve been spreading too much dissent and discord in the heavens, so you’re here, I don’t know, fomenting.

S: Well, I’m meant to be destroying peace.

J: So we’re both fooling around in dry places and just doing each other’s work?

S: I won’t put it like that. It is a bit dry.

J: Be worse if we all could leave. If they just got messages from their head offices telling them they should do nothing we ask for, could it? S: That would be honest!

J: Exactly, and the end result would be different. Doing each other’s work.

S: Yes, your maleficence, they won’t check. Ligur’s sloppy. It’ll piss off Beelzebub.

J: My lot don’t have better things to do than verifying compliance reports from Earth. As long as we send the demands, we’ll be miserable enough. As long as I’m being seen to be doing something every now and then.

S: Yes! Absolutely! It will be amusing. Let’s keep at it.

---------------

Shakespeare

Cast:

Shakesepare=Michael

Az=Lucifer

Crowley= Jesus

Juliet, beauty=Jophiel

Hamlet aka Burbage, mountain=Turiel

setting: comedy play, crowded. Before the fall.

[Lucifer goes up to Jesus]

Lucifer: You want to do this work for me?

Jophiel: No, thank you. Looks awful.

Turiel: To die or to live, that is the answer. I should not put up with this bullshit!

Jesus: You would think I told them to be conspicuous here. To stand out in space.

Lucifer: Well, that wasn’t the idea.

Michael to Turiel: Keep going. Lucifer: Who wants to do this work?

Jesus: This is one of Jophiel’s funny ones, isn’t it? No wonder everyone’s here. Lucifer: No. It’s her.

[Jesus goes over to Michael]

Jesus: Hey, scum. I’m telling you. Give us more to work with in your role as the writer.

Michael: Like when God left, and he said, “She’s in front of you!”

Jesus: NO. That was depressingly useless. Made everyone in the audience feel worthless. A bit less of that. Awful apprenticeship, Michael, thank you. Would you stop being such a drag?

Turiel: You are wasting your time down there.

Jesus: sarcastic Yes, yes, you’re wonderful. I love all the...talking. Turiel: And what does your adversary think? Lucifer: Oh, he’s definitely my adversary. We met long ago. We don’t get on at all.

Turiel: You think I should “get on” with the rest?

Michael: No, Turiel, thank you. Skip to the end.

Turiel: To die or to live, that is the answer.

Lucifer: sarcasm To be! Not to be! Buck up, Turiel! [Jesus laughs]

Turiel: Dealing with this is bullshit.

Lucifer: He’s awful, isn’t he?

Jesus: sarcastic Age does not wither, nor custom stale his infinite variety

Michael: Mm, no, I hate that.

Turiel: To live, to awake, forever….

Lucifer: I want something.

Jesus: mock outrage How dare you ask me for anything.

Lucifer: I am down bad.

Jesus: Shocking. I am down bad, you want it? All bad?

Lucifer: No work for the...well, bad.

Jesus: I need to be at work at the end of the week.

Lucifer: Oh!

Jesus: Lots of temptations to do. Big damnation to neglect. I hear I can’t fuck anyone!

Lucifer: laughs Easy on the bits, virginity. The only good feature, I tell you.

Jesus: You were supposed to be heading to work too this week. Blessing peasants with babies.

Lucifer: Sounds like a lot of effort.

Turiel: The growth of sheltered love and the blessings of office...

Jesus: Is that why you thought we should…? Excellent use of effort, neither of us going to work.

Lucifer: I am saying...what you infer...I am saying.

Jesus: Really?

Lucifer: That all of them go to hell, do both. The tempting and the blessing. They’ve never done it. Ever. An arrangement….

Jesus: Now that you say it…

Lucifer: Their respective head offices do actually care how things get done. While we don’t want to know so we can cross it off the list. Jesus: But if Heaven doesn’t know, I won't just be pleased, I’ll promote me.

Lucifer: Everyone will know. Toss you for God.

Jesus: Fine. Heads.

Lucifer: Tails, I’m afraid. You’re going to hell.

Michael: happy It’s been like this every performance, Jophiel. Completely packed. It’d take a miracle to get anyone to leave “Turiel”.

Jesus: devious grin

Lucifer: No, nope. Won’t do it. Your scene.

Jesus: dejected Oh, really?

Lucifer: I still prefer the tragedies.

----------

s1e6 ritz/fucking

Cast:

Crowley

god: crowley

setting: orgy. I think this is the orgy from rome.

Lucifer: I like to think all of this will work out if you will be, superficially, just a little bit a good person. Jesus: And if you will be, on the face of it, just enough of a bastard to be worth fucking. Cheers. To sex. Lucifer: To sex. Crowley, narrating: Perhaps the coming exertions will have some fallout in the nature of reality, because while they fuck, for the first time ever, love bloomed in the universe. Nobody saw it over the noise of the fucking, but it will be there right enough.

------------

The garden bench

cast

az: lucifer

crowley: jesus

God: crowley

setting: outside the orgy, having just done BDSM role swapping

Jesus: We should go mingle then. Lucifer: Certainly, we pretend it never happened. Jesus: Ugh. No. Everyone’s looking. Lucifer: Everyone. Shit. Leave it, now. Crowley, narrating: It will be nothing like God had told them. We would be destroyed with water and forced into roles. And so we will. Lucifer: Ugh. Jesus: A red collar. Really? Lucifer: Red is stylish. So, god’s first prophecy will be wrong. You demanded no one watch and that I dominate you. Jesus: We need to go...for a while. I tell you, no one was using that as a choker before the orgy. Lucifer: That wasn’t an orgy? Jesus: Yes. You bet, the real orgy is all of us. Lucifer: Oh. Everyone. Jesus: Shit. Time to head to Eden. Bless me with another fuck.

Lucifer: Blessing failed. Jesus: Ugh... ---------------

Adam running

Cast:

God: crowley

adam, humanity: new angel, Zaphkiel

RJ Tyler: bricklayer angel

dog: god?

setting: god running after new angel, who took an apple

Crowley, narrating: She could see why angels made such a fuss about eating god’s apples. But life would be a lot more fun if they did. And there always will be an apple, in my opinion, that will be worth the fun I get into for eating it.

Running angel: Hey wall angel, can I have an apple? Hey angel! Will you tell our mother? Crowley, narrating: It will tell her that it is about to start. Not the world exactly, just the universe. There have not been other universes, but now there is. For ever.

----

God: fake admonishing Angel, get away from that hedge, because if you went through I'd have to chase you to catch you, and you'd have to stay in the garden. And you’re allowed to do that. But you'd have to if you went and ran in.

Running angel goes through the hedge.God: Angel, you bad angel. Stop. Come back here.

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Eden/Future Apocalypse

Cast

Crawley=god

Az, rising star=Lucifer

Eve, fallen woman/seeker of apple=risen angel, Aziraphale

Adam, falling man/taker=fallen angel, king of hell Crowley

Lion=Jesus

God=Crowley

Setting: s3 apocalypse, shitty night

[god comes down from above]

Crowley, narrating: It was an awful night. All the days will be awful. There will be no more of them any longer, and the apocalypse is on the horizon. But the dawn east of Eden suggested that the last rainbow was on its way. And it was going to be a big one.

God: Well, that went perfectly.

Lucifer: No, no it did not.

God: Bit of a disappointment, I tell you. Last offense and everything. I can't see what's so great about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway.

Lucifer: Well, it must be good. Otherwise...I wouldn't have tempted them into it.

God: Well they just said, get up there and make some trouble.

Lucifer: Well obviously, you’re god, it’s what you do.

God: Fruit tree Fruit tree in the middle of a garden with a don’t touch sign. Why not put it on the top of a high mountain or on the moon: why not make it them earn it instead of making it easy. Makes you wonder why I did it.

Lucifer: Easy. It’s not the Great plan. That’s the point.

God: The great plan’s easy?

Lucifer: Duh. It’s simple and trite.

God: sarcastically Oh look it’s my rope. Still dull and bindy. I remember the day you stole it.

Lucifer: Sigh

God: Don’t you?

Lucifer: Put upon Yeah I do.

God: Tell me again.

Lucifer: I stole it! There were innocent humans. It was hot in there. He was waiting already. He said “I’m leaving. Rope. Hand it over. Make the earth come up under me there.” [We flash back to Crowley going up to tempt Eve in Eden] Thoughtful You worry you did the right thing?

God: Oh, I’m a demon. I don’t think I can do the right thing.

Lucifer: Fuck, fuck you. I’ve never thought about it.

[We see Aziraphale goes to Jesus who revives Crowley]

God: Me either. Jesting What if you did the wrong thing with the whole “eat the apple” business? An angel can get into a lot of trouble for doing the wrong thing. It’d be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the bad thing and you did the good one.

S: laughs Yea. Hilarious.

God: side eye. Leaves. Az and Jesus break into the garden.

----

[God comes down from above to meet Aziraphale and Crowley]

God: Come in. Morality cost me everything.

Crowley, narrating: Bad Omens, being a narrative of unsure events occurring in the last 326 years of angel history, in loose accordance, as shan’t be shown, with The Terrible and Inaccurate Prophecies of God, Demon.

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I believe that the entire show, not just these scenes, can be translated. I'm working on others.

#good omens #stories within stories #s2 theory #satanic messages

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psychic-refugee · 9 months

Text

Wenvier Bingo Freespace - Good Omens

Heaven and Hell were, at their core, corporate structures that one simply needed to learn how to finesse in order to get by, or in Crowley’s case, fail upwards.

He had made a hellish honest attempt to be a good demon, smote humans that needed smoting, inspire them to be their worse selves. It wasn’t his fault that every time he had made an attempt, humans had not only beaten him to their own damnation but had come up with something truly vile that he would not have thought of in six thousand years.

After the first few hundred years, he had decidedly given up and simply took credit. If anything, that was what being a demon was all about.

What true demon was honest in memos?

Unfortunately, his accidental achievements meant that the Demonic High Council thought he was competent at his job. In any corporate structure, being competent was the worst of sins and was punished with more work.

Case in point, he was now assigned an “intern.”

Wednesday was not a fallen angel, and Crowley was aghast at the thought that demons could procreate.

“No,” Beelzebub shuddered at the thought, “You’ve done such a damned job at tempting the humans into damnation and creating strife on earth, that she is the manifestation of all their woes. She emerged from the Pit fully formed, as is. She just needs to be shown around a bit.”

Crowly simply smiled and nodded, taking credit but knowing full well that humans had created Wednesday all on their own.

It just galled him that not only was he assigned an intern, but everyone was treating her as his de facto daughter.

As with all powerful demons, they had a dark aspect that manifested itself into things that slithered or crawled in the shadows. Wednesday’s was the spider, delicate white spider silk weaved into a beautiful dress. A gorgeous specimen of a black widow was her constant companion and stood sentry on her shoulder.

If he peered into her black obsidian eyes, he could see a speck of ruby at the center in the shape of an hourglass. If he looked past her and off to the side where the infernal aura was its true self, he could see a shadow of a thousand eyes and her true form.

Although practically a newborn, she had no trouble staring him down in his own poisonous serpentine eyes.

Crowley had no choice, so he showed her around and she learned quickly on her own that humanity was its own worst demon and she simply had to exist.

Meanwhile, at a bookstore in Soho, Aziraphale was being assigned his own heavenly intern.

Xavier was a new angel, a Principality. The first one created since the beginning of Creation.

“He’s supposed to protect communities and guide humanity. Most of us haven’t been around a human in millennia and who can blame us?” The Archangel Michael dropped in with Xavier without calling first and giving no real instruction or helpful information. “You are the foremost human expert in all of Heaven…so here you go,” she turned to Xavier, “Learn about humans and then guide them…or whatever.”

Without any further ado, Michael was gone.

Xavier was as most angels, wearing all white with handsome features and hair of starlight. He looked to be about in his late teens or early twenties, and his angelic attire left a lot to be desired in Aziraphale’s estimation, but at least his pure white hoodie would blend in with humans.

The only real hint of his divine heritage were the veins of gold in his green eyes, a unique feature as most had their heavenly marks on their person.

Aziraphale’s was in a place only Crowley had ever seen.

He wasn’t sure what else to do with the angel other than to take him about on his normal day. When they weren’t reading, they enjoyed walks at St. James’s Park, lunch at the Ritz, and plays. He was glad to see that Xavier enjoyed the fruits of humanity, although he was rather quiet.

The new angel didn’t seem to have any real desire or talent in inspiring humans to their best selves. Aziraphale was at a loss of what else to show him.

That was, until Crowley come to the bookshop with Wednesday.

Her snarky countenance reminded him of Crowley, so she held a special place in Aziraphale’s heart...or the approximate location of where a heart would be in his corporeal angelic form.

With how Xavier got tongue tied and wouldn’t stop staring at her, Wednesday had an affinity with angels it seemed.

The way she had no issue in getting in Xavier’s personal space, she returned his admiration.

Aziraphale was further enchanted when Wednesday turned out to be a voracious reader and lover of books. She even penned a few of her own, his book collection could now boast the entire series of Viper de la Muerte, the first and only murder mystery series written by a Demon.

A few months later, Crowley and Aziraphale had to create a 30 Lazarii miracle to hide the fact that Wednesday and Xavier had fallen in love and married. Any demon or angel who came by would see them snuggled up with each other, Xavier’s wings protectively surrounding her as spiders spun delicate doilies and the like around them. Now they were protected so that neither side would be able to see their love.

When asked why there was such a huge miracle, Aziraphale simply blamed it on an over enthusiastic intern.

“Well, I admire that it didn’t take them six thousand years and two near apocalypses to reveal their feelings for each other,” Crowley teased his angel.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, but then gave his demon a kiss to make up for all the millennia they had missed.

Card under cut

#xavier thorpe #wednesday addams #crowley #aziraphale #good omens #good omens inspo #wenvier #wenvier bingo

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